#oh and i’m kinda back i guess :/
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felps would understand the joe hills difference™️ and joe hills would understand the felps square™️. do not argue with me on this one i know in my heart of hearts that it is true
#actually kinda hoping someone argues with me so i can explain more of my thoughts#i’ve only actually seen felps in qsmp but i kinda get the sense that he brings that energy to everything else#couldn’t think of a better way to put it other than just saying the felps square but i talking about his whole energy not just the square#i feel like there’s not that much overlap between hermitcraft and qsmp fans#but i’m hoping at least a few people get this#oh and guess who caught some more joe hills streams#this guy!!#i’ve fallen off a bit bc there’s always so much going on on the qsmp#but i’m back baby!#qsmp#qsmp felps#felps#joe hills#hermitcraft#hermitcraft joe hills#the joe hills difference#posts from the ocean
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I actually feel so sick to my stomach trying to decide between this Free People job and the one I currently have why does the current one have to pay so fucking well and Free People have to pay so fucking bad
#none of this is that deep they’re both temporary seasonal jobs as far as I’m concerned#but I’m so bored at the current job because I just have nothing in common w anyone who works there#the work days are very long and I’m a full time employee#this is my last holiday season in nyc and it’s kind of killing me a little that I’m spending it all day every day in this store#and again they pay SO WELL it’s sick I can do whatever I want within reason and not worry about what I’m spending#but I’m just not ENJOYING my life rn and I’m kinda not used to that#there’s so much this time of year in terms of Life Happening#and I’m destined to miss that by nature of this being full time and the long days#meanwhile Free People is a $7/ hour difference#($7/hour less I mean)#and also the diff between penny pinching for a while and not caring#but also I would have free time#and also it’s a great vibe#not that there’s anything even WRONG with the vibe at the current job it’s just#it’s just not doing anything FOR me and when I’ve got no free time that’s not excellent#and yeah it’s apparently very easy to get coverage if something comes up and I don’t wanna go in (friends hanging out and don’t wanna miss-#it etc)#and conversely also very easy to pick up hours if I want to work more#less set in stone you know#I’ll have TIME to figure my Etsy back out if I want I’ll have TIME to figure out wtf I’m doing with myself etc etc etc#but yeah between now and Christmas it’s literally like a $2000 difference so idk idk idk idk idk idk idk#oh also this is stupid but the place I currently work is so insanely busy and such an insanely small space#I am mildly concerned about Covid and my long COVID getting even WORSE etc. feels paranoid and dumb I guess but like idk#I had surgery on my fucking nose to fix long Covid and it’s still not fixed so it’s something I worry about#god if my fucking Etsy still existed it’d be a no brainer#I applied for these jobs to have something fun to do in my spare time#and now I can’t do the fun job I actually wanted#UGH UGH UGH
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#oh yeah uhhhhh I forgot to mention it buuuuut found out that Alcott Boy has a girlfriend#(and it wasn’t like stupid of me not to know she doesn’t go to our school)#I do nevertheless FEEL stupid but that kinda comes with the territory I guess#like. idk I feel like I should’ve known that a guy that great would’ve been taken?#oh well it’s fine it’s not like I had a crush on him for four years or anything hahaha. (shockingly I’ve had longer ones 😂)#anywaaaay time to binge-watch k-dramas to numb the ever-increasing certainty that I’m going to die alone 👍🏻😂#(I’m aware I’m being melodramatic and wallow-y it’s just. I don’t get it. is being in a situation where I like someone and they like me#back such a huge ask?)#hghdhsh I’m being pathetic 😂
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If anyone who wasn’t already a dsmp fan (or just didn’t watch him at the time) wants a recommendation for who to check out I’d highly recommend checking out Technoblades streams. He was like my favorite youtuber of all time before he died and his character is easily my favorites
And the best part is, all his streams are archived and easily accessible on his YouTube channel! Yay :D
#sorry ik I said I’d cut back on non poll posts but I gotta plug technos streams#his content means a lot to me personally bc#I watched him a bit before dsmp but#I kinda had my ‘oh shit I’m neurodivergent’ revelation around when he joined#and watching him be open about his adhd made me feel better I guess#not a poll#dream smp#mcyt#technoblade
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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fresh out of hoots to give
#in other news local election season is coming up—#uaaaaaaaa fr though i’ve spent the last few days thinking about what the perks of living in this country were#and all i could come up with was ‘w. we have p o k em o n c e n t re’#and igggggg the fact that we can go from one end of the country to the other within 2 hours via public transport is kinda baller?????#i mean. we used to have cheap and good food 10y ago (like $2.20 for a bowl of noodles) but said noods would set you back $4.50 nowadays#like. idk. i can’t find it in myself to care about the things around me anymore. i’m too tired for thissssssss#then again. life here is the only life i’ve ever known. and i really can’t be bothered to think of what it’d be like to live somewhere else#hm. idk. i seriously have no idea how expats turned prs have a stronger sense of national pride than i do……..#i mean. it’s great that they love it here. but. what is there even here to love? u ni v ers a l stu d ios? the pok e m o n cent r e?#now that i think about it. where do tourists even go here??? aside from the national museum bc it’s baller as heck (biased) that is…#hm. guess i’ll never know. oh wells.#inedible blubbering
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honk shoo.
#but yeah sleepy.#i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die#meanwhile I just wanna see my friends#the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard#also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me#I’m being dumb and gay again.#now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool#still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing#I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to#OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for#only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email#(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list)#idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey#and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends#but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is#god it’s so unfair why is he like this#I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking#and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose#i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw#tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean#and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match#the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much#he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours#like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light#god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous#he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it#he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr#yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair#anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man#luke.txt
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kintsugi seems like something Naomi would get into
#the expanse#naomi nagata#idk it’s about the symbolism I guess#also I think she’d lose it without a good tactile hobby#and that’s a very tactile one. also requires a lot of care and patience. might be fun for her.#Holden: *drops a mug* oh darn I kinda liked that one#Naomi: WE’RE LOSING HER STAND BACK CLEAR THE AREA it’s okay baby I’m here#and a week later it’s back on the rack better than new and it’s now his favorite mug ever
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#putting this in the tags bc I need to get this out but also feel kinda guilty about it so I don’t wanna scream it in a post#but I feel soo irrationally pissed at my friend#bc she’s one of my best friends and I love her but I haven’t heard from her all summer except for the like four times she answered my#messages only to immediately ask me something in return#it took her two weeks to reply to a meme I send her only to immediately follow up with ‘het remember how you said your parents wanted to#hire my band’#‘ahaha summer is so busy I’ve read all my books anyway you told me I could borrow this one book?’#last was ‘heyy sorry for not replying haha anyway im bored next week wanna go on a trip’#to which I replied ‘yeah I would love to but I have my internship starting next week remember’#and its like I don’t mind that she doesn’t answer my texts like god knows I hate texting#but its really starting to feel like our relationship is fully based on her needing me for something#which I have felt before but I kinda dismissed it as me thinking it was always me who had to take initiative which was disproved when she#asked me to meet up a few times but thinking back it was always like ‘hey let’s meet up for coffee’ and then when I arrive having literally#left the library where I’d been studying for only ten minutes bc otherwise i wouldn’t see her.#she’s like ‘oh I don’t want coffee anymore but I need to go to the supermarket wanna join me?’#which I always did bc I wanna spend time together and it’s cheaper for me than getting overpriced coffee but!!!!#anyway I’m feeling this now bc while she hadn’t answered my ‘sorry can’t go on a trip’ text I did just see that she’s currently in portugal#with another friend#which is like??? so she just found someone else to relieve her of her boredom and so she didn’t need me anymore so why answer me right??#anyway it’s probably not that bad and I will talk to her about it when I see her again which will probably be in a month I guess but for now#I don’t wanna ruin her trip
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i think i might have been playing rhonwyn too nice so far 🤔
#not that i’ve been super nice i just think they need to br more prickly#the most in character thing they’ve done is headbutt astarion#but mostly i’ve just been trying to pick up companions and picking the kinda jokey options which are in character but#they need to be more prickly#shadowheart was like ‘don’t let lae’zel take advantage of your kindness’ and i was like oh i’m doing this wrong then agshdjskdk#i need a text post tag#bg3 spoilers#just in case??? anyone wants to know absolutely nothing?? i guess??#going back to bed now
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Lmao so I started my new job today. Overall very good I think. I’m still getting used to their system and learning all the names of people. It was a lot to take in a day but hopefully it will get easier as the week goes by. One thing that I think will probably happen though is that’s it’s gonna be slow and I’m gonna get bored really fast. Just gotta find ways to keep entertained. Also maybe get snacks for my desk. Hopefully I find joy in this new job.
#also something kinda of funny happened today#I mean funny in the way everyone reacted but not funny in what was said#so like today I guess one of my coworkers had handed out something to another coworker#it was some form or something#anyways she goes back to get it from her and she was trynna talk playing about no take backs or whatever#so then she blurted out something about being an ind*an giver#and literally all the people around the cubicle turned around and gasped#95% of my new coworkers are white btw#it gave the same energy as that one video where the lady says you need to leave to the guy in the town meeting#everyone was like oh no honey you can’t say that#it was so awkward and like they looked to me to like say something like what tf am I supposed to say to that?#if anything I’m a little offended that they all looked to me on how to react to the saying#as if I were the person of color to step up and tell them they were wrong
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Crossing my fingers like pls don’t end the show with Ted going back to Kansas of tedbecca or at the very least not both well actually. Which is funny like. If they want to do tedbecca it would only work for me if she was not his boss which would work if like Ted went back to Kansas but like I don’t want Rebecca’s story to have her just fuck off to Kansas I don’t think that would be good for her.
#I don’t think it would be great for Ted either obviously but I would be way more made for Rebecca the sort of thing I try to tell my younger#cousin or younger people don’t uproot ur entire life for a relatively new relationship or don’t good to a certain college for a boyfriend#sort of thing bc how tedbecca would have to work at this point is for them to be suddenly together right so#like. I can learn to live with either especially if this is in fact not the final#season like if this isn’t final season he can go back to Kansas and be like oh I’m unhappy#or he can I guess?? date his boss no I still don’t want that idk#just. truly so much of this hinges on me knowing if this is the last season or not I told Bradley like he Ted gets shot and dies next episod#I’ll assume it’s the finale but otherwise how am I to know#ted lasso#ALSO I’m tagging this bc I need organization on my blog#pls no hate to Tedbecca shippers I just hate the dating boss trope#ted lasso spoilers#kinda? not really idk#but just to be safe#also I miss the old after 5 tags wouldn’t show up in the search but I don’t think that works I hope so#I hope it still does so I don’t have to worry about posting in the main tag
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#i finally finished queen charlotte and DAMN#the best bridgerton show hands down 😭 that shit had be rooting for americans FIRST ENEMY LFMAOMCOD#also i absolutely despise penelope and colin so tragic that the next season is them#they’re bland and bleh and have zero chemistry and they’re just UGH they piss me off so goddam. much.#so sad i guess the only bridgerton season i’ll be watching is season two again or queen charlotte#but also#back to queen charlotte#i just think it’s funny how so many are now dumping for king george iii#*simping#but damn some ppl are also so fucking stupid#like…..what happened to just enjoying the show ? not nitpicking and trying to find every tiny ass detail to complain about ???#man i hate ppl these are the kinda of idiots that ruin shows and movies for me#bc yea obv if something is blatantly wrong and gross it’s one thing but like….if you have to go out of your way#to make some sort of argument or complaint about why THIS one thing is bad etc…..#just stop and don’t watch it it was so obviously not meant for you then#god sorry it’s bc i’m seeing stupid ppl make posts and tiktoks of the new show and it’s just pissing me off#oh yea side note i wish in one of the upcoming seasons they decide to choose a east asian love interest bc#representation? it’s alsways so nice to see asians onscreen and season 2 was literally amazing#so MORE !!#more diversity to piss of the nazis#personal
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ok so the guy i met today i met through this other guy i knew that moved & we lost contact but he (today) filled me in & apparently he (moved) got covid BAD in like 2020 or early 2021 & he’s still having to carry an oxygen tank w him :( but also i lost interest after he told me i was ‘unsanitary’ for not shaving my ass like bro …,
#stream#but oh my god ???? that’s so shit i feel so bad omg#but also the guy today is hot but we hadn’t met before (BC HE LIVES AN HOUR AWAY & I REFUSED TO COMMIT) but i did today & it was like kinda#worth it i guess#i mean he wants me to piss in his mouth so i don’t think i’m going back like no baby#if i were still 18/19 i would but i’m kinda over it#like i don’t want that i want to kiss u after smh#NOT CALLING U OUT @THE MUTEY THAT LOVES PISS JUST SAYIN#NOT F O R ME !!!!#but he’s into cumming in my mouth then me spitting it into HIS mouth which i’m fine w#like ok sharing is caring as long as i’m not sharing u w someone else#big ol bear !!!! 6’4 something like 325#big fan :3c#his hands are huge like the tip of my fingers only hit the bottom of the top segment of his finger 😭😭#like u know the nail segment - at that knuckle#my fingers did not cross … SCREAM#but my wiener sure did <3#idk why he was like super into squeezing like ok king whatever u want i don’t care
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sometimes i forget how distinctly american my mother is, and how we are generally a product of our surroundings
#personal#just found out she’s pro-military!!! and she was accusing me of being anti-military because of watching x files. like girl i am 10 episodes#into this show. i have had these views for a Long time (VERY specifically about the us military). and im just like. damn. like yeah of COURS#it’s not plastered everywhere. ‘give me some peer reviewed articles’ i would but i just cant bring myself to get the energy to get stuck in#this exhausting npd abuse loop again (sounds exaggerated but im basically falling for exacerbating the situation. which is why it’s always#hit me the hardest i guess. because she Will just straight up either not mention it ever again or just simply deny it. and i’m not exactly#educated enough on the subject to remember specific points. my memory has been destroyed BECAUSE of this kinda shit and i cant recall decent#argument points anymore. not that i even particularly want to!!! read up on all this shit!!!! oh and even realizing that she was Definitely#seeing me as an Extreme. like girl what. i forgot that npd does that#reminds me of how. she’s very liberal. she was the one who got me out of the closet in the first place (bc i wouldnt do so myself)#and yet the other day. i swear she said something that was almost terf rhetoric#FUCK i HATE that my memory has already scrambled it. fuuuuuck and here i thought my memory was coming back#but it was something along the lines of implying that men Would try to get into women’s shelters etc in a skirt or smth and i#i just stopped talking i was so shocked#god. sorry didnt mean to vent lmao but im. hhh im just Tired yknow?#mandont
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ignore the messy braeburn on the left I he’s my warm-up i guess. lol
anyway look at my boy!!!!!! the he!!!!!! committer of grand theft gender!!
#oh hey look it my art tag#trying to make him look like a lung here……. so he can fit in better in ak….. I guess……#his name is siaku but I feel like that’s kinda cringe am I being cringe is this cringe#like I just made it up but it’s literally been the name of the character for basically forever and idk if I want to change it lol#anyway he’s been throug so much design-wise!!! i never talk about it lol#iirc he started out as like a dog or a fox-lookin thing? and then he was a horse for the looooongest time#like he was supposed to be my ponysona and he’s only fully a dragon now cause I was fuckin around doodling one time#also he’s only a guy now cause I was drawing him like that once and it stuck?? i guess???#and I always draw him kinda the same but he’s supposed to be a shapeshifter >.>#and part of it’s cause I’m pretty much complete ass at writing characters I think but he’s partly his own guy and partly my fursona#like in a self-insert kinda way. it…. it’s complicated idk#I’ve only made a character ref for him like one I think back in the ponysona days…. so I need to do that at some point!!#cause currently he lives pretty much exclusively in my brain cause I never draw him that much!!!#(partly because I don’t draw as much anymore though ehehe (._. ‘)#another thing is that fullbodies are fucking hard!! as you see him here he has hands not paws or handpaws!!#and I can’t fucking draw hands without putting in fairly significant mental effort!!!#not to mention his fucking feet and toes!! he’s got digitigrade fluffy dragons legs!! idk wtf I’m doing!!!!!#and the big thing is that it’s hard to practice cause i *feel* like what I draw should be good (or in-line with some of my other stuff)#and it’s kinda disheartening when it’s not?? like I *know* i don’t usually draw hands or toes so I shouldn’t be expecting it to be perfect#but the pressure is still there mentally!!!#I’ll get past it eventually though I hope lol#if not I’ll get to practicing hands anyway!! i hope!!
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