#ofc subject to updating :P

[pedrito-friskito]

strawberry wine - joel miller x ofc!liv stone/fem!reader

during - part twelve

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

joel finally gets his head out of his ass, with a little push from tess.

a/n: we have BIG CONVERSATIONS IN THIS HOUSE FAM. i want to reiterate: i love the canon joel x tess. i live for it. but the drama/angst/emotion it has allowed me to create but backpedaling them SLIGHTLY? delish. enjoy babes, please scream at me about the ending 😇

word count: 5.5k

warnings: MY BLOG IS 18+, MINORS DNI, angst, drinking, lots of emotions, mentions of canon-typical violence and injuries, mentions of death, joel is both an asshole and an Emotional Man, tess and liv are true bffs and god bless last night’s episode for solidifying some of my plans 🤍

✨I do not have a taglist - follow @friskito-library for updates on future chapters/works✨

“You need to talk to her.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, Joel, you—”

“Don’t tell me what I need to fuckin’ do, Tess. Leave it be.”

“Joel—”

“Please.”

+

You’ve been staying at Deanna’s. Two weeks now, since your stint in lockup, since Angie had beat the literal shit out of you. The couch isn’t comfy, and your ribs are still sore, but it’s fine. 

The kids are happy to have you around. Emily especially, once she got past the bruises on your face. You weren’t expecting Henry’s reaction; when you woke up in Deanna’s apartment the next morning, he was sitting vigil beside you, tears on his face, bottom lip jutting out. You told him you fell down the stairs, trying to get a laugh out of him, and he’d just hugged you, buried his face in your chest.

You try to keep things normal, whatever the fuck that means anymore. You take on extra jobs, trying to earn more ration cards for the three living in your apartment. Tess shadows you, follows you around every day, and you tell her your secrets, point out your routes, the soldiers you have dirt on, the ones you know not to fuck with.

“She’s the one that beat you?” she asks one day, jutting her chin towards Angie. You’re standing in the warehouse that serves as the food bank, waiting in line. You’ve had a heartbeat in the bruise on your cheek since you woke up, and standing ten feet from the woman who gave it to you isn’t exactly helping. 

You disguise your nod as a stretch, wincing at the pull on your ribs. Deanna was sure you hadn’t broken any, but you sure as hell were bruised. They didn’t look as bad as your cheek, but the pain was deeper, and seemed intent to linger longer. “Yeah, that’s her.”

Tess sneers in her direction, and you have to stifle your laugh. “Fucking bitch.”

You like Tess. You really like her. She’s a hard ass, but rightfully so, given the history. She hasn’t given you much more of her past, and you’re definitely not about to offer up any of yours, but the friendship between you is quick. You’ve skirted the Joel subject so far, despite the fact that they’re literally sleeping in your bed. Most of your conversations have been about the QZ, the inner workings, your smuggling. You have a job coming up, and Tess has already said she’s coming with you.

“I doubt Joel will be thrilled about that.”

“Joel can fucking shove it.”

She hasn’t been shy about her displeasure towards him, but it hasn’t done much to change things between you. You went down to grab some clothes a few days back, and he’d been the only one inside. Tess was out exploring, and Tommy had gone with her.

He didn’t say a goddamned word.

You’d managed to hold back the tears until you were back in the hallway, but you sobbed so hard you thought you actually were going to crack a rib. And on the other side of the door, you heard the radio flick on, assumedly to drown out your noise.

You nearly put your boot through the wall.

You move up a few places in line, and reach into your pocket, pulling out the ration cards you’ve collected. It’s worked out okay; you had some stashed to begin with and you were able to pull a few jobs after you got back on your feet. But Tess is adamant they’ll pay you back, despite your protests.

“First job I take,” she says to you, jutting her chin towards the stack in your hand, “you get half.”

You shake your head. “I told you, it’s fine.“

“It’s not,” she replies, her tone determined. “It’s the least we can do, after what you did for us. Hell, I should give you back double for putting up with the bullshit Joel’s been throwing at you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” she repeats, and grabs your arm, turning you towards her slightly. “I’m not fucking okay with this. I need you to get that. He needs to talk to you. You need to talk to him.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me, Tess,” you say, toying with a corner of a ration card. “I have to respect that.”

“And he should give you the same courtesy,” she says as you move up again. “You need to talk this out. He can’t keep putting up brick fucking walls; you deserve more respect than that. You put your ass on the line for us, and got the shit kicked out of you. History or not, he owes you. I’ll lock you two in the same room if I have to.”

“Hah,” you scoff, lifting your brows. “I’m sure he’d love that.” 

She goes quiet as you reach the front of the line, handing over the cards. The woman working the table slides a crate of food across to you a second later, along with two jugs of water that Tess reaches for. It’s not until you’re back outside that she speaks again.

“I want us to be friends,” she says, and the tone in her voice makes you pause, stopping in your tracks. “I like you, Liv; you’re strong as hell. Brave. Best damn smuggler I’ve ever seen. I just…I need you to understand, me and Joel, it’s nothing close to what I had with Nate, or what he had with you. I know that. I get that. We laid out ground rules from square one. It’s a…” She trails off, searching for the right word.

“A comfort,” you provide.

She nods. “Yes. And I…if I had a second chance with Nate? If I walked down this street tomorrow and saw him walking through that fucking gate, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to—” She stops, clamps her hand over her mouth and you almost jump when you see the tears in her eyes.

“Tess.” She blinks hard, waving a hand at you, and in an instant, the badass demeanour has returned, if not doubly so. You continue, “If he’s a comfort to you, I can’t be the person that takes that away. He’s not mine to take. Especially not if he doesn’t want me back. It’s okay. You can’t force his hand in this.”

She eyes you, chewing at her thumbnail before, “Maybe I can.”

You shake your head, hefting the crate of food higher on your hip. “Let’s take this back.”

+

The doorknob jiggles, and Joel’s head snaps up. He’s sat on your couch, some book about woodworking in his hands, a mostly abandoned glass of whiskey on the table in front of him. Tommy’s at the kitchen table, bent over a map, trying to figure out the path they’d taken, all the way back to Austin. “I’m just curious,” he’d said when Joel had asked, his voice almost clipped. Joel hadn’t pushed any further.

The door swings open, revealing you and Tess, a crate of food on your hip, Tess carrying jugs of water. Joel gets to his feet, wanders towards the kitchen, leaning against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. Tommy gets up immediately, takes one of the jugs from Tess. She starts putting stuff away, and you step closer to the table, digging in the pocket of your coat. “Exciting news,” you say, pulling out a key ring with three keys on it, dropping it onto the table. “Moving day.”

“We’re not going far, are we?” Tess asks over her shoulder.

“No,” you reply, pushing a hand through your hair before shucking off your coat. “One floor up, few units down. Besides, you know where to find me.” Joel catches you glance his way, but it’s short-lived, you turning away a moment later to help Tess put the rest of the food away. “I saw they have a posting for a handyman in the building, one for the apartment across the street too,” you say, putting away a box of instant mashed potatoes. “Unit maintenance and stuff like that, thought you boys might be good for it.”

Tommy nods, enthusiastic. “Sounds good to me.” He glances at Joel over his shoulder. “Gotta get started paying you back what we owe you, Liv.”

You wave a hand, and Joel sees Tess give you a pointed look. “Listen, all of you. We’re square, okay? I mean it. I’m just…I’m glad you’re all here. Safe. That’s all that matters to me.”

Joel can’t hold his tongue. “That soldier beat you half to death.”

“Oh, you noticed?” you throw back, and the guilt simmers in his gut. “We’re square,” you repeat, leaning against the kitchen counter, hip cocked, arms crossed over your chest. A mirror of Joel’s stance. “But there’s something I wanted to bring up to the three of you. Tess and I have already talked it over, and I’ve done okay for myself given the circumstance, but I could use you, all three of you.” Your eyes flick from Tommy to Joel and back again, so quick he nearly misses it. “It’s a risk, I won’t lie, but I’ve got dirt on half the soldiers in this QZ. And I know exactly what to give them to keep their mouths shut.” 

“You already know I’m in,” Tess says, bumping her hip into yours. There’s a tiny grin on your face, the bruising along your cheek pinching slightly. “There are still connections from Baltimore we can use. Between the four of us, we could be living like kings, for a change.”

You nod. “Either way, it’s an offer. I trust you all enough that you’ll keep it secret, but if you want in, my door’s always open.” You pause. “But I do want my keys back.”

“I’m game,” Tommy says, leaning back in his chair. “You tell me where and when, Liv, and I’m there.”

“Same,” Tess agrees, “but we’re still paying you back.”

Joel can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Are you out of your damn minds? Both of you?” He stares at Tommy when his brother turns to face him, glances at Tess when she steps forward and plants her hands on the kitchen table. “We just got safe again, and already you want to put that in jeopardy?”

Tess scoffs, and the sound makes Joel blood boil. There’s too much happening. The guilt never leaves, but seeing you, hearing your voice, it makes it that much worse, and Tess looking at him like he’s a fucking idiot doesn’t help matters.

“We pulled a lot of bad shit to stay alive out there, Joel,” she says, her tone stern. “Baltimore was no different. I highly doubt a bit of smuggling is going to fuck with our reputations.”

“Your records are clean,” you offer, your voice placating. It makes the hair on the back of Joel’s neck stand on end. “When Cowan brought you through, he wiped them. Tommy’s is already clean, otherwise they wouldn’t have let him through to start with.” You lift your hands. “It’s just an offer, Joel.”

How have you managed to make his own name feel like a punch to the gut?

“I’ll show you to the apartment,” you say, grabbing the keys off the table, putting a hand on Tess’s shoulder. “You guys can talk it out. There’s no pressure. I’ve got a job in a few days, and—”

“I already told you, I’m going with you,” Tess says, and Joel’s brows raise.

“Tess—”

“Shut up, Joel.” She turns towards the door. “Let’s go.”

You swallow, hard enough that Joel can see your throat bob from where he’s standing. Tess grabs her jacket, gestures at Tommy to do the same, and his brother gets to his feet. You hold open the door, and Joel follows Tess and Tommy out. He tries to catch your eye as he walks past you, but your gaze drops to the floor.

Their unit is one floor up, three down from yours. You unlock the door before handing the keys to Tess, let it swing inwards. It looks about the same as yours, save for the floral wallpaper. It’s a bit bigger, an actual separate bedroom, another bed tucked in one corner, a room divider that’s seen better days blocking it off. He’s surprised, almost, that there’s furniture, even blankets on the beds, and follows his brother inside. Tess wanders, and you hang in the doorway, leaned against the jamb.

“I found some stuff at the donation warehouse,” you say, scratching the back of your neck. “People will leave all kinds of shit down there, stuff they don’t need. The mattresses aren’t great, but I cleaned them best I could, and there’s some clothes too.” Joel turns to look at you, and your eyes move away from his again. “And, if you’re game for smuggling, when knows what else we might find.”

Tommy walks back over to where you’re stood, slings an arm around your neck, pulling you against him. “You’re an angel, Liv. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you reply, leaning your head against Tommy’s chest, and Joel ignores the zip of…is that jealousy surging through his gut? Fuck.

But it turns into guilt just as quick, makes something mean bubble out of his mouth before he can stop it. “You shouldn’t have done this.” He doesn’t look at you, not directly, but from the corner of his eye, sees you balk, flinching slightly.

“Joel,” Tess chides, walking over to the door, pulling you out of Tommy’s grip and into a hug. “We owe you, I mean it.”

Joel watches, as you hug Tess. Your eyes flutter shut, your hands hooked around her shoulders, your brow pinched slightly. God, how many times had this thought crossed his mind? How many times had he wondered if the two of you would get along?

How many times had he dreamt of merely seeing you again?

Yet here he is, fucking it up harder than anyone ever could have imagined.

“I’m gonna go,” you say, jutting a thumb over your shoulder. “Tess, I’ll see you tomorrow?” She nods. “And Tommy, you can ask Sergeant McCoy about the handyman gig. He’s a decent guy.”

Then your eyes turn to Joel. He meets them, looks back at you, feels the guilt so thickly he’s convinced it’s replacing his blood. He thinks he hears you say his name, but then your wrench your eyes from his, disappearing from the doorway. His feet move of their own accord, propelling him towards the door, but he stops short, hands swinging at his sides.

Tommy claps him on the shoulder. “Brother, I love you, but you’re a fucking idiot.” He turns to Tess. “I’m gonna go check on her.”

Tess just nods, and the door shuts a moment later. It’s just the two of them, and Joel can already tells he’s about to be on the receiving end of Tess’s anger.

“Sit, Miller.” She points to the kitchen table. It’s not much different than yours, though there are no maps spread across the surface. “You can’t keep doing this shit.”

“Tess, don’t—”

“No, shut the fuck up,” she cuts him off, her hand flexing in the air. “You’re gonna sit there and you’re gonna listen, you understand? Please.”

Tess doesn’t often say please.

Joel swallows hard. “Fine.”

“You need to go after Liv,” she says, the words blunt, laying her hand flat on the table. “You can’t keep pushing her away and treating her the way that you are. You can’t keep doing this to her.”

“I have to,” he replies, the words quick, half-hearted. An excuse.

“No, you don’t,” Tess throws back, just as quick.

“You—”

“We’re done,” she says, cutting him off again. “You and I. It was just stress relief, right from the beginning. I know that, you know that. Nate was gone and you were there and I…” She shakes her head, lifts her hand to her mouth and bites her knuckle before continuing. “If I had a second chance like this, a second shot, goddamn, I would have dropped you so fast your head would’ve spun.” She actually laughs. Her eyes are big and wet, but no tears fall. “She loves you, Joel, and you love her. I knew it from the second you saw her at the gas station. It’s not—”

“Tess—”

“Listen to me, Joel. If I turned a corner tomorrow and saw Nate right there in front of me, there’s not a force on this whole fucking planet that could keep me from him. So why are you doing this to her? To yourself?”

He goes quiet, for a long moment. Stares down at the table top, digs his nail into the grain of the wood. “You said it yourself, Tess. We did a lot of bad shit out there to stay alive. I’m not…” He shakes his head. “I’m not who she remembers, who she loved before.”

Tess reaches out and grabs his hand, squeezes his fingers tightly. “Joel, the fucking world ended. I didn’t know her before, but I highly doubt that the Liv I know now was the same before the outbreak. We do what we have to, to survive. She put her life on the line for us, without batting a fucking eye. The least you can do is talk to her.”

“I can’t—”

“You can. What do I have to say to get it though your thick fucking skull, Miller? Second chances like this don’t just happen. If I had one, I sure as hell wouldn’t squander it the way you’re so hellbent on doing. So don’t.”

“Tess—”

“Please.”

Tess doesn’t often say please.

Slowly, Joel gets to his feet, and Tess follows suit. He’s not quite sure what to do next, but then she grabs the front of his jacket, hauls him against her, throws her arms around his neck. He hugs her back, mouth pressed to the curve of her shoulder.

“And I don’t wanna hear any more shit about not joining forces with Liv,” Tess says softly. “We’d be fucking fools not to.” She claps him on the shoulder, pulling away. “I’ll see you around, Joel.”

“Bye, Tess.”

The doorknob is cold when he reaches for it, and Tess doesn’t say another word as he steps out into the hall, pulls the door shut. His feet seem to carry him down the hall on their own. He heads down the stairs, faintly hears Tommy’s voice calling after him as he heads down towards the lobby. 

“Joel, where you going?”

It’s still a few hours until curfew, the sky still light, though dark clouds are gathering over the city. The moment he’s out the main door, he’s sprinting, running as fast as his legs will carry him. He’s pushing past people on the street, boots scuffing on the pavement, mumbling apologies when he almost crashes into someone. 

He just keeps going, arms pumping once he’s through the crowds of people trying to get home. He has no idea where he’s going, but he just keeps going, on and on and on until he finds himself standing in the same alleyway you’d lead him and Tess through, when you’d smuggled them inside.

What the fuck is he doing?

The rain starts slow, a few drips pelting his shoulders, the back of his neck. He tips his head back, stares up at the ominous dark clouds, hears the rumble of thunder in the distance. Joel lets his eyes slip closed, hands loose at his sides.

In a flash, it’s a downpour. He’s soaked in a matter of seconds, rainwater seeping through his hair, wetting his scalp. It runs down his cheeks, sneaks beneath the collar of his flannel, gathers in the hollow of his throat.

She loves you, Joel, and you love her. 

Tess is right. He knows she’s right. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, he always knew in the back of his mind that if he found you again, he wouldn’t be able to keep himself away from you. Everything he’s been doing, everything he’s said since you mentioned Sarah, it’s been…survival. Fear, that if he lets himself have you again, he’ll just lose you, like he lost her. That someone or something will take you from him.

Tommy told me. About Sarah. Joel, I’m so sorry, I just—

It hurts. The memory makes panic and fear surge through him, every single time. Makes his heart beat faster, his hands clench into fists, sweat at his hairline. But you don’t know that. How could you? He hasn’t told you, hasn’t let you in, hasn’t done anything but try and stay as far away from you as possible.

He can’t keep doing this. He knows that. When he closes his eyes, he still sees those tears on your face, at the gas station. The bat in your hand, the bravery in your eyes. You weren’t the same person he’d fallen in love with back in Austin. But you’ve survived just as hard as he has, and you lived. You’re alive.

I’ll find you, baby.

He swore to you.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Joel says the words aloud, towards the sky, to the dark clouds still pouring down on him. “Fuck.”

He turns on his heel and sprints back up the alley. The rain isn’t letting it up, pelting his face, soaking his hair further. He pushes his way back through the crowds, takes the same random path he’d just run in reverse, back to the building.

Back to you.

He takes the stairs two at a time, ignoring the way his knees are shouting in protest. He’s out of breath by the time he skids to a stop in front of your door, bangs his fist on the wood. “Liv!”

“It’s open,” he hears you call from the other side, and twists the handle, pushes the door open. You’re sitting at the kitchen table, rubbing at your forehead, a bottle of whiskey not far from reach. Your gaze lifts slowly, but then your entire expression changes when you see him standing there in the doorway. “Joel? What’re you do—”

“I wanna talk to you,” he says, the words coming out in a rush. His heart is hammering in his chest. He steps through the doorway, shuts it behind him. “Please.”

“Why are you wet?” you ask, your eyes narrowing, but then you shake your head, waving your hands. “Doesn’t matter. What…you wanna talk?”

“I do.”

“About what?”

He heaves a breath. “You. Me. Tess, she—”

You lift a hand, your expression turning defeated, and reach for the whiskey. “It’s fine, Joel. I get it. It’s not like I expected you to wait around for me or anything like that, but just for the record, it’s not reason enough to avoid me like the fucking plague.” You take a swig from the bottle, tearing your eyes from his.

“I’m sorry,” he says instantly, and takes a step towards the table. You lower the bottle, slide your gaze back to his. “About all of it, Liv. Please. I just wanna talk you.” 

He rubs a hand over the back of his neck, shakes the water from his fingers. You don’t say anything when he shrugs out of his jacket, hangs it on the hook near the door, settles into the seat across from you. He points towards the whiskey, and you slide it across the table to him. The liquor burns on the way down, but the warmth that follows helps with the chill from the rain.

You lean back slightly in your chair, crossing your arms over your chest, staring him down. “You wanna talk, Miller,” you say, and part of him wonders how much you’ve had to drink already. “Then talk.”

He takes another long swig of the whiskey. The noise the bottle makes as he puts it back down seems to echo through the apartment. “I’ve been an asshole,” he says, his gaze dropping to his lap, “since the gas station. I’ve been trying my goddamn best to push you away, and I just…” He lifts his head, lets one hand rest on the table, an olive branch between you. “I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.”

“Liv, I just…I did some terrible shit out there, to stay alive. I’m not the same. But I know you aren’t either.”

“We all do terrible shit to stay alive, Joel.” You huff a little laugh. “It’s just the way of the world now.” You drag a hand over your face. “Besides, you are the only thing I have left,” you say, and Joel’s heart jumps into his throat, “from before.” You blink hard, and he can see the tears gathering along your lashes. Everything in him wants to vault the table separating you and just hold you. “I was gonna leave Boston. Before they put up the wall, when all that was standing in my way was a fucking chain link fence. I was gonna leave. Then Cowan calls the Austin QZ, asks about my family, and there’s no record of my sister, no record of you, but my parents…”

You trail off, shaking your head, squeezing your eyes shut. You wipe at your cheeks, and lay your hand on the table, inches from his. Joel’s fingers twitch.

“What happened?”

“FEDRA levelled Austin, when it was overrun. My parents were in a shelter, when they dropped the bombs, and no one survived.”

Joel balks. He remembers, that night, the outbreak. He remembers Tommy’s truck barrelling down the road, down the main drag where the hardware store was. He remembers flames pouring out of the storefront, shattered glass and the way the awning had caught fire. He remembers praying to whoever the fuck was even bothering to listen anymore that your family was okay.

“So you stayed.”

You nod, fingers tapping on the table. “I stayed. I got lucky, really. Dean got me good, before I…” You trail off, rubbing at your shoulder. “They were killing anyone who was injured, shooting them point blank in the streets. I just ran, and nearly a week later, when the soldiers stopped me at the fence, I was still me, and Cowan made sure no one saw my injuries, had Deanna treat me. Left a nasty fucking scar.” You squeeze your shoulder, pulling your eyes from Joel’s. “I never stopped wanting to go looking for you, Joel. Not once. I just—”

He shakes his head, flexes his fingers on the tabletop. “It doesn’t matter, Liv. You did what you had to, to stay alive. We all did.” He swallows hard. “When did it happen? With Dean.”

You grab the bottle, turning fully to face him, your other hand still planted inches from his. “Outbreak day. It’s funny, actually, I had just been on the phone, with you, you remember?”

Joel lets himself smile, the conversation rising to the surface of his mind. “We wished each other happy birthday.”

“We did,” you agree, and take a swig. “I just got home, and Dean was…he was just standing there, in the bedroom, staring out the window. He didn’t notice me, not at first.” You shake your head, letting go of the bottle, rubbing your fingers across your forehead. “I shouldn’t have done it, looking back, but I didn’t know, and I…I called his name. He turned, and he looked at me with that…that dead look they have, you know? And then…then he started running at me, and I knew something was wrong. I kept the bat right by the bedroom door, and when he came at me, I just…swung. Until he stopped.”

You grab the bottle again, and Joel flexes his pinky wide, until it grazes yours. Your eyes drop to the table. “You protected yourself, baby.”

It’s like everything in the apartment shifts, as the endearment rolls off his tongue. He doesn’t mean to say it so soon, but everything in him is aching to comfort you, the feeling tenfold after being stuffed down for so long. Why did he put you through this? Why did he put himself through this?

Your eyes are watery when they lift to his again. “I never should have left Austin, Joel,” you say, and slide your hand across the table, settling it on top of his, your palms pressed together. “I never should have left you.”

“I’m here now,” he says, letting his fingers curl around your wrist. His heart races when you do the same. “It doesn’t matter. None of it.”

Your thumb slides across his pulse, and your eyes flutter shut for a moment before they meet his again. There’s fire in your eyes, one he hasn’t seen in a long, long time. “What are we doing here, Joel?”

His brow pinches. “What d’you mean?”

“This is the ultimate second chance,” you say, and he can’t help his chuckle, “and we are royally fucking it up.” He keeps laughing, and you dig your nails into his skin, making him yelp. “It’s not funny, Joel!”

“I know, I know,” he says, his tone going apologetic. “It’s just…you and Tess get on well, don’t you?”

You scoff a little laugh, nodding. “She’s a badass.”

He juts his chin towards you. “So are you.”

“I get it,” you say, pulling your eyes away. Your hand stays where it is. “The two of you, it makes sense. I…I was with Cowan.” You make a face. “Am with Cowan? I don’t know. It’s just…comfort, I guess, but now, it…”

Joel can’t help but bristle slightly. “He’s helped you all these years?”

You nod slowly. “Hasn’t ratted me out, got me out of some pretty deep shit once or twice. But he’s not…” You nail him to the spot with your stare, leaning forward slightly, sliding your hand up his arm until it’s wrapped around his forearm, resting in the crook of his elbow. “He doesn’t come close, Joel. Dean, Cowan, they’re just…” You shake your head. “They’re nothing, compared to you. I could never love anyone else the way I loved you.” You pause, chew your lip. “Love you.”

“Liv—”

“But I won’t get between you and Tess, I promise. I like her, and you and me, it doesn’t—”

“Tess broke things off,” he says, and your eyes go wide. “She was right. I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing, pushing you away, thinking it was easier that way. I don’t want to stay away from you anymore. I can’t stay away from you.”

“So don’t.”

“You just said you and Cowan—”

“It doesn’t fucking matter. None of it matters.”

Joel’s brain stalls, for a moment, seeing the flare in your eyes. He gets up slowly. Your hands move to your lap as he rounds the table, pulls you to your feet. There’s only inches between you, the air turning thick with tension. “Say it again,” he says, his voice hushed, almost a whisper.

You close the distance, stepping into his arms. His hands slip beneath the hem of your sweater, resting on your jean-clad hips, and Joel inhales deeply when your palms slide up his biceps, rest on his shoulders, one hand slipping up the back of his hair, wet curls twisted between your knuckles. 

“Don’t stay away from me,” you murmur, tugging lightly at his hair, until his face is angled with yours. He can smell the whiskey on your breath, see the remains of the bruise on your cheek. He can feel your heartbeat, wild against his own, your chest against his. “Be with me, Joel, please.”

Your voice cracks on the please, and that’s what gets him. The tension snaps, and he can’t hold back anymore.

There’s no hesitancy in it. It feels like he’s kissing you for the very first time all over again — feels like he’s seeing you for the first time all over again. The press of your mouth is hot and wet, a tiny mewl falling from your lips to his as you hold him to you, your fingers tightening in his hair. He kisses your bottom lip, then the top, sinking his teeth into your flesh, pulling more tiny noises from you. God, he’s fucking missed you, so goddamned much.

You chase him when he pulls away, grabbing his lower lip between your teeth, making him groan into your mouth, giving you a hungrier kiss the second time round. He pushes you backwards, your boots tangling with his and suddenly you’re a heap of limbs on the ground. You actually laugh and Joel kisses the sound right out of your mouth, licking his tongue along the seam of your lips.

The motion makes you whimper, adjusting yourself beneath him until your thighs are spread either side of his hips, your boots planted on the ground. Everything in him feels white-hot, and he can’t stop kissing you, making up for lost time, pouring his apologies into his kisses, memorizing the way you feel and taste now.

“Joel,” you gasp out when he slides his hand along your jaw, tilts your head back on the wood floor, noses his way down your throat.

“Yeah, baby?” he murmurs into your skin, inhaling you deeply, kissing at your pulse.

“Take me to bed.”

PREV | NEXT

[nerdieforpedro]

Weekend Update 02/18/2024

Nerdie! What is new this week?

Welp, I passed my math class (yup - mid thirties in a math class 🤨 it was required). Thankfully it's the only one. I've got one more and then I can look forward to the next term. I think my orientee's last week is this week, I have more stickers to stick on people at work and I burned some candles.

We're glad you burned candles? We're not sure what to say to that. Happy for everything else though. Any new fics?

Just two for the week, I've been focused on my classes so I've been putting out less finished work and prepping series that I have planned:

Don't assume on Valentine's Day - Ezra x plus size female reader (Yup, I wrote a Valentine's fic, just barely? It's mentioned but not the focus. Implied smut, some angst, fluff. All in one.)

Wrong Beach and a Speedo - Javier Gutierrez x Abigail (plus size OFC) I finally started my Javi G series! Is it fluffy like his hair? Yes. Will it stay that way? Mostly only because we gotta move the plot along. 80% fluff, 15% smut adjacent (subject to change, could be less) and 5% violence. Like very small. No worries. Unsure about how many parts, maybe 5-7?

We're not sure about those percentages, but they do add up to 100% so we'll see. You can't be mean to Javi G Nerdie! You can't!

Who said I was? What do you take me for?

*reminds Nerdie of Tim, Frankie, Joel, and Javi P and their truama*

👀 I mean, I get it but no worries. Let's talk about what I read this week alright. Jeez...

Salt + Pepper by @soft-girl-musings (Moon Boys and fem reader)

You be my revolver, I've got you in my hands by @winniethewife (Jake Lockley x fem reader)

Happy Tuesday! by @maggiemayhemnj (Joel Miller x fem reader)

Special Day for a special girl by @winniethewife (Blue x fem reader)

Compulsion by @iamskyereads (Ezra x OFC Beatrice)

Misunderstanding by @romanarose (Marc Spector x fem reader)

Captain's Orders by @laurfilijames (Will Miller x fem reader)

Bloom by @violentdelightsandviolentends (Bucky x fem reader)

Helping Hand by @izelascendant (Din Djarin x OFC)

Perks of being a Wallflower by @soft-girl-musings (Jake Lockley x plus size fem reader)

Stiff by @idolatrybarbie (Maxwell Lord x fem reader) part of PMAMC 2024

Same Time Next Week by @magpiepills (Marcus Moreno x fem reader) part of PMAMC 2024

Pop Goes the Javi by @morallyinept (Javier Peña x fem reader) part of the PMAMC 2024

Flying to New Heights by @fettuccin-e (Frankie Morales x fem reader)

Sadly, some of these had been in my drafts folder way too long. I went from 38 this evening to 33... 🫣 To be fair, All of these I have reblogged, I have just been adding more things to read. So many wonderful things to read. 😭 An excellent problem to have.

Anyway, I should have chapter two of my Javi G fic up this week on Wednesday. Not sure what else. I'll try a Drabble. If I can keep it that short. Maybe about Javi P, Frankie or Santiago. I owe them nice things. 😘

Have a great week everyone! 🥰

Love Nerdie! 💜

P.S. One might see there's been any uptick in Oscar Isaac fics, @for-a-longlongtime is to blame for sending me all the Santi gifs she seemed to have. 👀 My eyes didn't complain though. 😂

[youphoriaot7]

helloooo!! i am sen, nice to meet you all :D been hanging around a bunch on qsmpblr and i'm starting to brainrot on other subjects so i figured i'd update my pinned.

sen – they/them – over 18 i write fic on ao3 here, and cosplay over on tiktok here! if you want more links, you can check out my carrd here! online series: life series, qsmp, ordem paranormal, generation loss streamers/yters: cellbit, tazercraft (pactw / mikethelink), fitmc, goodtimeswithscar, grian, ranboo other: dead boy detectives, the sandman, good omens, sherlock holmes (frogwares games, bbc sherlock), the magnus archives/protocol, malevolent

making a tags masterlist below this (because things got out of hand on here VERY quickly lmaoooo) – not necessary to read ofc, it's mostly for me ksjghsjfk i'll add tags as things happen!

fic/studies masterlist [link soon]

GENERAL TAGS (A-Z) character study | breakdown fanart | fic | whumptober2023 | sen's qsmp whumptober

DEAD BOY DETECTIVES

dbda | dbda fanart | dbda quotes | dbda rewatch | dbda visuals | dbda memes | dbda theory | dbda headcanons | dbda fic dbda spoilers | dead boy detectives spoilers first meeting | dandelion shrine | devlin house | lighthouse leapers | two dead dragons | creeping forest | very long stairway | hungry snake

HERMITCRAFT / LIFE SERIES

hc fanart | trafficblr

ORDEM PARANORMAL

opq | opq liveblogging

QSMP

qsmp memes | qsmp quotes | qsmp clips | qsmp liveblogging | qsmp vodblogging | qmongus | qatching up | the great brazil meetup | qsmp recap | queuesmp qsmp headcanons | qsmp theory | qsmp fanart | qsmp fic | qsmp drabble disappearances | the federation are evil | 00100001 | isla quesadilla pl;anarchy | pl;bluebird | pl;childhood | pl;existence | pl;fuga | pl;missing | pl;paradise | pl;perfection | pl;presidency | pl;worse ev;arena | ev;arrival | ev;dinner | ev;chainsaw | ev;corruption | ev;fedescape | ev;hatch | ev;jaidens | ev;jailbreak | ev;manipulation | ev;memory | ev;resgate | ev;watchtower

SHERLOCK HOLMES

sherlock holmes the awakened | shta sherlock holmes chapter one | shco shta spoilers | shco spoilers shta memes | shco memes | shta visuals | shco visuals | shta quotes | shco quotes | shta fanart | shco fanart

CHARACTER TAGS (A-Z)

A

qsmp antoine | qsmp arin

B

opq benito qsmp bagi | qsmp baghera | qsmp bbh | qsmp bobby

C

cat king charles rowland createtrio crystal palace opq carol qsmp cellbit | qsmp chayanne | qsmp cucurucho

D

dandelion sprites david the demon opq diego qsmp dapper

E

edwin paine / edwin payne esther finch qsmp elquackity | qsmp empanada | qsmp etoiles

F

fitpac frogwares holmes frogwares jon frogwares mycroft frogwares sherlock frogwares watson qsmp felps | qsmp fit / qsmp fitmc | qsmp foolish | qsmp forever

G

goodtimeswithscar / gtws grian guapoduo qsmp german | qsmp goddesses (mine, mumza, lore)

H

hgduo | hideandseektrio

I

impulsesv

J

jenny green / jenny the butcher opq jeffrey qsmp jaiden | qsmp juanaflippa

L

opq lucie | opq luis qsmp leo | qsmp luzu

M

monty the crow / monty finch mumbo jumbo qsmp mariana | qsmp maxo | qsmp mike | qsmp missa | qsmp mouse | qsmp myo (hope / memory)

N

the night nurse niko sasaki qsmp niki

P

payneland pacman | pissa pearlescentmoon qsmp pac | qsmp pepito | qsmp philza | qsmp pierre | qsmp pol | qsmp pomme

Q

qsmp quackity

R

qsmp ramon | qsmp richarlyson | qsmp rivers | qsmp roier

S

seekduo simon the bully qsmp slimecicle | qsmp sunny

T

technoblade tragic mick qsmp tallulah | qsmp tazercraft | qsmp tina | qsmp tilin | qsmp trumpet | qsmp tubbo

V

verner vogel violet holmes

W

qsmp walter-bob | qsmp willy

[lyraeeee]

my literature class is so fun and I love the teacher so much—she’s so kind and the fact that it’s obvious she’s passionate about her subject makes me happy and also excited to actually learn more??? (even if I already like literature anyways but still)

it actually motivated me to write again,, so consider this as a small update that I’ll most likely post a fanfic soon along with all my fanart endeavors. (ofc the mortal kombat x reader fanfic will be posted first and then I’m thinking about writing for lies of p as well…..)

[peepingtoad]

thread masterpost || @asaraltu

Main Verse (post-canon): Hi to Abura (all content)

Thread: A Wild Bastard Appeared

   || Mini interaction : 2 Idiots, 1 Coin    || Mini interaction: Intimidation    || Mini interaction: A Stronger Tolerance    || Mini interaction: Haircare 1 || 2    || Mini interaction: Personal Space

Thread: Ugliness

   || Related interaction: A Nightmare    || Related interaction: Sex Dream    || Mini interaction: Notions of Nudity

Thread: Hot Mess

Thread: Tribulations

   || Related interaction: A Nightmare    || Mini interaction: Secret Side    || Mini interaction: What’s For Dinner?    || Mini interaction: Happy Ending    || Mini interaction: Beautiful 

Thread: Snap ( still dunno why it’s called that, I think because I went ‘oh snap!’ )

Thread: Festivities

   || Mini interaction: Leave A Bruise    || Mini interaction: Not A Saint 

Thread: Wrong Impression 

   || Mini interaction: Take It Slow

Thread: Breakup/Reunion One Thread: It’s A Date

   || Mini interaction: A Rinne Festival Gift

Thread: Collapse

   || Mini interaction: Letters

Thread: Reunion Two

   || Related interaction: More Than Life    || Related interaction: Stay In Bed!    || Mini interaction: Commitment

Thread: Jealousy

Thread: Worthy

   || Mini interaction: Baby Fat    || Mini interaction: Madara’s birthday    || Mini interaction: A New Year’s Kiss

Thread: Sweet Submission 

Thread: Kiss & Tell

Asks/Fragments

AU Verse (founders): Futsukayoi (all content)

Thread: A Night To Remember

Asks/Fragments

Ship inspiration tag {x}

[alfys-pigeon-house]

Boo, Bundled, Hearth, Intricate, Rain

aaaa i finally have time to answer this!! im sorry it took so long!!

(also i found the ask,,, it just magically appeared again jsjcwha so i decided to add it here, too! thanks so much for sending this in again!)

——

Boo: Ghost or witches?

Witches!! I’ve always, always loved magic and being able to do magic. Not that I doubt ghosts being able to do them too, ofc. But, witches have a soft place in my heart and I’ve always loved them since when I was a child.

Bundled: Describe your ideal date

Movie night, bundled in blankets and eating snacks. Just laughing or screaming at something we’re watching. Or a walk outside in the early morning or late afternoon. Or maybe a picnic somewhere where the skys cloudy and we’re just relaxing. Or maybe even just stuck at home and we’re building a pillow fort!

Hearth: Ideal home

Ohhhh aaaaaaa. Uh. A kitchen, definitely. Big enough that it’s easy clean and bake. A biiig but comfortable bed,, a living room where I can play games with friends and fam, a backyard where I can plant flowers. Uh. mostly I want it to be homey, like a cottage, maybe? And a library where I can just read in silence, or maybe to the chirping of birds or rain.

Intricate: What’s a subject you have random knowledge about?

This is hard because I don’t really think about the random things I know, it just comes out if you talk to me, yknow? Uh. But hmm. I’d say politics but that’s a given and not at all random. Maybe psychology? I love psychology. Oh, what about the scantalating world?? Like, did you know there’s an unspoken rule whenever a group wants to translate a manga? Especially if their aren’t licensed or been given permission to by the author. One of the things I know is that, they consider it sniping or stealing from a group if you translate a manga that has been updated in the course of less than 3 months. But if it hasn’t been updated in three months—or if the scan team/person explicitly said that they weren’t going to continue it—then it’s first come first serve.

Hmmmm,,, maybe about my native language? So, Filipino has many, many dialects!! Each differing depending on where you’re from, Luzon, Visayas or Mindanao, and then differs much mroe on what province/city you’re in. The three isalnds is symbolized by the three stars on our flags! I’m from Luzon, specifically NCR or National Capital Region, I won’t say anything more specific than that, but just knoq that NCR is big as hell. Anyway, I know Tagalog! Which is boring haha but it’s known as the capital language??? Kinda?? Like, it’s the ver of English here. If you wanna go to like, say, Metro Manila, you need to know Tagalog because there’s a low chance of people knowing a dialect from where you’re from. So technically this isn’t a random knowledge from a subject, but I thought it’s interesting to know haha.

Rain: Favourite type of weather?

I like rainy weathers because it’s very soothing to listen to, and sleep to. But at the same time, we only have two weathers here haha and I’d take anything over a sunny one.

Frost: Anything you’re looking forward to?

ANIME! Aaa I’m looking forward to BOFURI season two (IF it’s even coming huhu, and if it does I think it’s coming next year or year 2022) AND Horimiya anime!!! I love Horimiya so so much, I’ve been following it since forever and I’m so glad it’s gonna have an anime. Same with Wotakoi, too, but I’m pretty sure it’s been out for awhile now? And ofc, the day Covid ends but, uh, that’s not coming for a long time here, I’m p sure. Another is that I really, really wanna get started on cross stitching since I bought a “how to” book and some materials already but I’ve been too nervous to get started on, so I’ll probs do it tomorrow or when I’m for sure free. After, I might look into crochet, too!!

(AND writing some stuff aaaaa i wanna write so so bad, but school took over ;-;)

Leaves: Favorite candle scent

OH okay, we don’t really do candles here but boy do we have a lot haha. I really like the Sakura scent and the skittles one! I’ve never seem a vanilla candle scent but I’ll for sure like it, too!

Pie: What’s your favorite type of pie?

Aaaa, man, I’ve only ever really had apple pie and egg pie before so I can’t really say. But uh, I don’t really like apple pie, and I really like egg pie!

[avidfanficwriter]

Two Drunken Fools (Chapter 3)

Characters: Tony Stark x OFC.

Warnings:Cursing, Alcoholism, depression, suicidal-ness(?) (I’m blanking the word), Smut, Pain, Will update as chapters arrive. Honestly, it’s messy. SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR AND ENDGAME

Ratings: M.

Summary: When Tony fought Thanos, he thought that was as bad as it could get. He’d walk away with a bruised ego, a stab wound and the kid in tote. It didn’t end like that, it never does for Tony Stark. His world fell. The kid’s gone, Pepper’s gone and he’s in dire need of help but refuse to let anyone know that. Instead he cures it the only way he knows how: booze and seclusion. Until he discovers he shares shocking similarities with someone else whose curing their own pain the same way.

The third visit from Tony Stark is even more unexpected than the first two times, it's been an entire month since his last visit and Wren hadn't expected to see him again considering their last interaction.

It was late in the afternoon when the sun is threatening to rest for the day and the sounds of wildlife become replaced with insects while Wren works tirelessly on another piece of jewelry, a piece for a husband whose wife had disappeared. His request was simple, a bracelet with his wife's name engraved and the date of their marriage below it. The task should be quick but her previous project had put her right against the deadline, the previous customer had requested a drawing of mickey mouse's face on a heart. With no particular skill in the arts area of life, Wren had resorted to tracing the picture and ended up wasting more material than she would have liked too. This one returns her to the simplicity that was jewelry making. Wren finishes the last consonant of the woman's name when the sound of an engine roars through the woods, startling her. At first, she assumes it's just a trick of her mind that she misses talking to someone since nothing follows afterwards. There is no obnoxious rev of the engine as Tony pulls into the driveway or the sounds of gravel crunching beneath his feet as he walks to the driveway. It's quiet. Her focus returns to the piece in her hand, gently wiping the shreds of metal off the small band. The silence is once again interrupted by the sound of a car door slamming.

She stands, discarding the jewelry and rushes to the front of the house, quickly opening the door to meet Tony whose approaching the patio. The tips of her fingers nudge against the screen door in front of her but Wren pauses before pushing it open. Tony's appearance hasn't changed at all, not that she expected it to, he's dressed in a long sleeve novelty band t-shirt, dark blue jeans with his hair unstyled and his facial hair in more need of trimming than before. He has a large brown bag in one hand and a case of beer in his other hand.

"Hi." Wren says in a quiet whisper.

"Hi." Tony responds standing in front of the patio steps.

"I didn't expect you to see you again."

"I wasn't planning on coming back." He confesses with a small smile.

Wren gives him a small nod and chews on her lower lip. "What did you bring today?"

Tony smiles, walking up the last step and standing just inches away from the screen that separates them. "A parting gift." He holds up the brown bag, "I hope you like tequila."

"No scotch?"

"Next visit." He winks.

"There's going to be a next?"

"Unless you don't want there to be."

"I didn't say that." Wren pulls the door open, leaning against the screen to hold it still. "How about we see how this goes before we start talking about next time? I like to keep my options open."

"Thought it was doors?" He asks cocking his head.

"Those too." She is quick to clarify. "Tony Stark, please come into my humble abode." She offers motioning for him to enter.

Tony walks inside the house, letting out a small sigh as he takes in the warmth. "Where do you want this?" He asks when Wren closes the front door behind them with a small thud and walks towards him.

"Coffee table as always."

"I've never seen your house." He says walking into the small living room and places the objects on the glass tabletop. "i've been here three times and have only seen the living room and kitchen."

"There's a reason for that." Wren says, grabbing a red blanket off of the couch before Tony takes up his usual residence on it.

"Which is?" Tony asks, taking the opportunity to look around the house for the first time. It's quaint, a few pieces stick out to him that he thinks Steve would be attracted to but there's a modern touch littered throughout. Her couch is in dire need of replacing, multiple spots on it are torn and sewn up with no expertise to hide the quick fix. She has an assortment of blankets he notices, the few times he's been here, there's been a different one resting on the couch. The kitchen table and coffee table he's noticed always seem to have items spread across it, usually one is dedicated to tools and the other to papers. She has a pair of running shoes that sit next to the front door and she usually has a discarded coffee mug that sits on the kitchen counter half full of coffee. The rest of the house is a mystery. there's a bedroom or office to the right of the house and another to the left.

"When do I get a tour of your place?" She asks arching an eyebrow with a sly smile.

Tony shakes his head and sits down on the couch, quickly opening the case of beer and pulling out two bottles while Wren sits on the loveseat in front of him wrapping the blanket around herself. "You're welcome for the beer." Tony says changing the subject.

"Thank you for the beer, Tony." She says with a smile.

Wren stretches out on the loveseat, propping her legs over the arm rest and exhales loudly. Her green eyes look out the large window behind her she watches the leaves from the tree float to the ground. It's the beginning of winter, the air is growing crisp and the leaves are making their escapes. This winter is going to be bad, the mornings are cold and the nights are even colder, soon enough the snow will fall and everything will turn white.

"Why do you drink?" Tony asks interrupting the silence they've found.

"What?"

"Why do you drink?" He repeats.

She snorts and turns to face him, "Why do you drink?" She asks with accusing eyes.

"I asked you first."

There's another round of silence before Wren speaks, there's no use in lying to him, she's a nobody compared to him. He wouldn't gain anything more than knowledge based off her sharing the truth. "To forget." She confesses.

"Do you?"

There is a breathy chuckle before her response, "Not really." Her head falls back, eyes tracing patterns in the ceiling. "I use to think, just one more, one more and soon it'll stop, you know? This--whatever it is will finally give me a break and just... stop. I don't even know why I'm so caught up on it anyway, I'm mourning someone who cheated on me." Tony wants to inquire further but like she has done for him, he lets her share what she wants. "God, can we open that tequila? If I'm going to be drifting down memory lane then I need something harder and stronger than beer in my system."

"Have I been volunteered to partake in that session?" Tony asks leaning forward and pushing the brown bag towards the edge of the table where Wren can reach it.

"That's what we use each other for, isn't it?" She asks piercing her eyebrow as she looks at him, cockeyed. "You drive out here, some beer in tote and we confess our deepest darkest secrets to each other."

"Is that what we do?"

"I'm sorry, I've had a few drinks today..." She concedes as Tony's eyes glance at the beer nestled in her hand. "Aside from this one. I can be a mean drunk. Today is a bad day."

Tony nods with a chuckle, "Must be why we get along, I tend to be a careless one."

"You, careless?" She asks accusingly.

"You, mean?" He asks matching her tone.

They stare at each other, both waiting to see who will be the first to speak or even move. It's a dangerous game they are playing but neither are known for backing down even more so when alcohol is involved.

Silence is a defining characteristic when describing the relationship between Wren and Tony. They talk, say a lot in little time and say little over long periods of silence. It would make most people uncomfortable but for them it's comforting. Silence is easier to navigate then stretch of questions that all need answers the second after they're asked. For them, they can wait and be at peace simply listening to the sounds of the other breathing.

"Why is today a bad day?" Tony questions after watching Wren take another gulp of tequila.

Wren forces a humorless chuckle past her lips, "It's stupid shit."

"Such as?"

"Two years ago, today was my anniversary."

"I didn't know you were married." Tony has read through her file a few times, more than is socially acceptable but he's positive there was no mention of a husband.

"I wasn't... thankfully." She sighs heavily. "He missed our anniversary," She swallows hard. " he forgot about it, which should have been my first clue. He said he'd make it up to me. I believed him. He was good, sweet and we were okay. The months that followed were weird, he was distant. Then... when it all was happening, I came home from work walked in on him and my best friend getting to know one another a little better." She scoffs, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "It's really funny, when you think about it. The world was fighting to survive and I come home worried because he wasn't answering his phone and discover he's perfectly safe fucking my best friend." Tony exhales deeply, distractly lifting the bottle to his lips. "By the time, I got back to work, it all happened and they both were taken."

"Both?"

"Yep." She pops the 'p' with a playful smile, hiding the pain she really feels. A trick Tony knows far to well.

Tony sighs, "He left you to suffer, huh?"

"It would seem so." She sniffles and adjusts her blanket. "Is it wrong that I'm glad they're gone? That he's gone?" Tony swallows nervously, he's not the best person to ask this question to. "I think if he hadn't I would have gone back to him even seeing what he did."

"Back to him?" He raises an eyebrow, confusion deep in his voice.

Wren smiles and nods, "Probably."

"Why?"

"Because I did some pretty stupid stuff after everyone disappeared." She shrugs her shoulders.

An hour of silence passes as they drink the rest of the tequila and have came to the silent agreement to share the last bottle of beer. The world outside of Wren's home was starting to turn in for the night, the once blue sky had turned black while stars began appearing. Crickets chirped and the sweet songs from birds began to quiet. Snow was going to fall soon, she could tell, the sky was always a shade darker when it was going to snow. The living room had a soft yellow glow from a small lamp in the corner of the room, next to her bookcase that Tony has noticed is filled with multiple genres of books ranging from fiction to nonfiction with recipe books and self help books.

Wren's abandoned the chair and somehow ended up on the floor with a small throw pillow beneath her head and the blanket lazily resting on top of her. Tony is laying on the couch now, one leg propped on the back of the couch and one of his arms is hanging off the edge making his knuckles scrap along the carpet.

It's nine o'clock when their last beer is gone, most of it due to him when Tony breaks the silence with soft gasp.  "Do you think they knew?" He asks tears in his eyes and sorrow in his chest. God, he misses Pepper.

"What?" Wren asks with her eyes closed on the cusp of falling asleep.

"When he... Do you think everyone he took knew what was happening?""

"For their sake, I hope not."

"Someone I knew, someone I let down... I think they knew what was happening." Tony says in a breathless whisper remembering the last moments he spent with Peter, how the boy's eccentric behavior drastically changed. He wrapped his arms around Tony and pleaded for help. Tony remembers it like it was yesterday, the fear nestled in Peter's eyes and the acceptance in his voice as he knew death was coming for him.

"Were you there?" She asks her voice slightly hitched. "With them as it happened?"

"Yeah." He says quietly. "Until the end."

"They just... Slipped through your fingers. Almost like you couldn't hold onto them tight enough." Wren lets out a deep breathe. "Then you wait for it to take you and it never did."

"Yeah." Tony whispers in a broken voice "I hoped he would have killed me."

Wren lets out a painful chuckle, "The world doesn't kill those of us who want it too..." It's the darkest thing she's said in front of Tony, the alcohol and the longing for sleep is to blame. "When we're too weak to do it ourselves, the world doesn't take pity on us. It'd rather we suffer."

Tony silently agrees, rubbing his eyes and sighing. "I almost did it." He confesses a little to happily. "After he left, I was in that ship, dying and I thought it would be so easy to just let it happen or help it come sooner."

"What changed?"

"I thought she'd be here." There's a crack in his voice that he tried desperately to hide. "I stayed... I lived for her."

"Wish you would have chosen the other option?"

"Everyday." Tony answers quickly.  

"Me too."

Tony slowly sits up, holding a hand to his head as he adjusts to the new position. He's drank a lot more than he realized. "Is that why you live out here in the middle of nowhere alone?"

"Part of the reason." Wren acknowledges with a half attempt at a shrug. "Is that why you locked yourself up away from society?" She questions him, turning her head to look at him.

"Yes." He answers without missing a beat.

"Quite a pair we are." A sarcastic undertone is evident in her voice as she tosses the beer bottle towards the table with a loud thud. "Do you think that's all that's left of the world? People who are barely getting by? Pieces of who they once were?"

"Not for everyone." He thinks back to the security feeds the days he saw Steve, the only man on the planet who seems to be perfectly fine with everything that's happened. He smiles and goes about his day like nothing happened, he's happy. "Some of us were luckier than others.'

"Lucky bastards." Wren says through gritted teeth. She lets out a loud groan as she rises to her feet, letting the blanket fall to the floor and releases a groan as she stretches her muscles. "I need coffee, do you need coffee?"

"Yes, please."

"Coffee it is." She says abruptly walking to the kitchen and accidently kicks a discarded bottle one of them left on the floor.

Wren quickly gets to work in the kitchen, sparring a few minutes to adjust to the sudden bright light that burned her retinas after switched the light on. She was trying to remain quiet her head is spinning with comments that she's desperate to ask, they've gotten into dark territory that revealed truths about one another, she wasn't planning on sharing. She glanced over her shoulder as she started the coffee pot, the room filled with the sounds of water dripping into the glass pitcher, Tony's still on the couch, clutching his head in his hands. The alcohol is taking it's toll on both of them, no food and a belly full of alcohol was making itself known.

"What are these?" She hears from Tony while standing on the tips of her toes to reach two mugs from the cabinet.

"Uh..." She slowly turns, resting the mugs on the counter behind her. He's moved. Quietly so. Tony is now hovering over her kitchen/work table, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "work."

"Work?" He says with confusion.

"Yeah, I needed a source of income after I was let go."

"These... these are great." He comments, picking a necklace into his hands. There's simple chains on some, gold and silver. Others that are beaded and jeweled but each is crafted with such beauty and care.

"Thanks..." She whispers with confidence slipping from her voice. She quickly turns around, pouring the hot coffee into the mugs and brings both mugs towards Tony who's still admiring her work. His brown eyes trace each mark, each line she's created and the marks from her tools. "Here you go."

Tony takes the light blue mug from her hand and takes a sip, groaning as the hot liquid flows down his throat. Wren watches him as he continues to admire the jewelry, he trails his index finger along a few finished pieces and gives a small smile. His hands are gentle, lightly grazing the metal plates. "This is... beautiful." He corrects his earlier statement. He grips the leather band for the few bracelets she's created, swiping his thumb along the silver plate that has another victim's name engraved in it.

Wren sighs heavily, the bracelet he held was for a child, a boy who was five and was excited to start kindergarten, loved trucks and wanted to be a police officer when he grew up and now he was gone. The mother requested the bracelet be dyed red, his favorite color. Her eyes follow the length of Tony's bare arm, he must have discarded his long sleeve shirt while she made the coffee, she looks towards the couch but her eyes are quickly pulled back by the light grey t-shirt he's wearing. It's the first time she's noticed it or the lack of it, there is no blunt ridge in the center of his chest. The chest piece she's seen plastered on children's costumes or novelty t-shirts is absent.

"You got rid of your..." She abruptly stops, catching her lower lip between her teeth. She can't mention Iron Man, she can't. He wanted to talk to someone who didn't know him before this, if she brought up Iron Man it could have a less than pleasant effect on their friendship? If they had a friendship? Were they friends? Was getting drunk all hours of the day, then not speaking until he showed up a few days after with more beer in tote considered a friendship?

Tony's eyes meet hers as he lets the bracelet fall from his fingers back onto the wooden table. "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing... nevermind." She holds her hand out, quickly shaking her head and drinks her coffee before another ill advised comment makes its way out.

"Thank you." Tony blurts out after a heavy silence.

Wren smiles. "It's just coffee."

"No, for..." He looks up, staring directly into her eyes. "listening. For talking. Everyone always wants you to just move on."

"Or give you their opinion on how to better yourself." She rolls her eyes at the comment, their 'friends' who all think they have the answers to life's problems.

Tony silently agrees, "Everyone else always knows best." He says with a smirk.

"That they do." She agrees sarcastically.

Something comes over Tony in that moment, something he can't explain or understand but he's suddenly leaning forward, placing the mug on the table and brushing his lips over hers. He can taste the coffee on her lips and feel the steam from the mug she's tightly holding in between them. Lips move slowly, like he's--like they're testing the waters, both unsure of how to react to this moment.

She parts, pulling away from him causing her coffee to spill on her sock clad feet. She hisses in pain and forces out a low, "Fuck."

Fuck, is exactly the thing that's filling Tony's mind.

Two versions of it actually.

The first where he wants to bend Wren over the counter and take her roughly from behind.

The other where he can't believe he wants to do that. He shouldn't want that. He's in love with Pepper. This thought was wrong. He's devoted, committed and was almost engaged to Pepper.

Wren's moved again, tossing her stained socks down the hallway he's never been privy to walk down. She's avoiding his eyes. She's avoiding him actually.

"I have to go." Tony doesn't wait for a response or even look at her for a goodbye, he simply leaves. Abandoning his t-shirt on the couch and rushing out of the house.

He's running from her and from his other brain that is desperately trying to convince him to turn around and take her to bed.

He pulls over on the side of the road, an hour into his drive, he has a perfect view of the city here. He has his cell phone in his hands, his finger dancing over the on button. It's been months since he's started it. With no service there was no reason for it no but it was habit that he slipped it into his pocket. The phone vibrates as he slips his index finger off the small button, it gets him... Friday greets him actually.

Her soft Irish accent sharing how happy it is to see him again. She's ignored. He has other business. He swipes past the homescreen and array of untouched apps until he finds the one labeled gallery, a blank Polaroid as the icon picture.

Pictures.

He scroll mindlessly until he finds the one he wants, the one he always admired whenever he was away. The picture was taken when she was asleep, he'd woken that night from a nightmare but as he looked over the sight stole his breathe and the dream with it. Pepper, his Pepper was sound asleep, one arm nestled beneath her head, the other stretched out on his thigh. Her blonde hair was sprawled along her face but it only highlighted her beauty. The picture was taken and he never let it go. It brought him comfort and curled the ache when he missed her.

It wasn't now.

"God, I'm sorry." He says in a whimper. His throat stings. "I should have been there. I was suppose to be there." His heart hurts. "You'd fucking hate me. You probably hate me." Tony doesn't believe in God, maybe his father is to blame for that. Howard believed and his mother believed but when Tony was old enough to ask questions, as children eventually do, Howard wasn't having it. He screamed and berated Tony, 'while under my roof you'll believe." Since then Tony refused to acknowledge religion, any aspects of it were nonexistent to him. His refusal of it was only heightened by his life, his mother dying, the great Captain America coming back to life, the wormhole, Ultron, Pepper leaving him; Bucky Barnes murdering his mother and then this. What a God force this upon someone?

Only now, he hoped it was real.

Tony wished more than anything that at least one aspect of it was real, Heaven. Those pearly white gates with fluffy white clouds where people had halos and dressed in long white robes. He wants her to be there, drinking poolside talking to some cabana boy as she sips on a glass of champagne.

He wants her happy. Even if she finds happiness away from him. If hating him makes her happy.

If she's watching down on him with a smile on her face as she takes pride in his pain. She'd hate him. That much is clear. He deserves this. He left her, he promised he'd protect her and instead of doing that, he let her die.

Tony sobs. His chest heaves and his throat burns as he mourns her. His everything. He hates himself and he hates the world. He doesn't deserve to live but he doesn't deserve to die, he wouldn't get to Heaven. He has has too much blood on his hands, years creating weapons that killed innocent people, his reign as Iron Man that resulted in lives being lost, Sokovia... Letting the world down. No God would allow him entry. He'd be welcomed straight into the bowels of Hell with the devil meeting his eye and a sinister smile on his face.

It's what he deserves to be tortured for his failure.

[infragments]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG

Speed.

Varies. Some days threads I’ll reply to a mile a minute. Some threads will take me months to get to. I work full time at a job with shit hours, and I’m trying to get back into school. So, I depend on my queue a hell of a lot. Most of my replies will be tossed onto there.  

Replies.

i try to match my partner. but, for the most part, i just write whatever fits my character. 

i usually write third person limited/subjective, so people have an easier time seeing my character’s thoughts and stuff but it usually leads to people unintentionally godmodding / infomodding so i’ve been trying to do more pure actions sort of deal and move off to third person objective/omniscient to avoid all that.

i have some hard times sticking to a particular tense and it does get annoying sometimes. i prefer present tense, but past tense is generally more common and preferred by others i’ve noticed.  

Starters.

starters are generally plotted or need to have a goal. doesn’t have to be big. just ‘okay so our characters are going to do this’ or ‘ok well this is what they’re out here for.’ anything short, like one liners are kinda easily dropped p quickly because aimless. but i do like the discussions if they’re able to get that far. there are the occasional starter call posts and plot calls post, but the plot calls are generally much more successful in the long run. making threads from asks is more than okay. random starters are nice too.    

Inbox.

if i’m around, i generally send out memes and junk to others. mainly out of character stuff like headcanons --- mainly under anon. ofc, i like getting ‘em too, even if i’m hella slow about answering them. questions about my muses are great, and in character interactions are great.  

Selectivity.

I do have characters which are “reserved” for one or two people, but, for the most part, I am open for most. Those that are reserved are labeled as such right under the name.  

Wishlist.

I’ll update this post with lists. In general, more interactions.  

Honest Note.

with all the private and highly selective stuff going around, i’ll generally unfollow after a two weeks or so if i’m not followed back. it’s more so i don’t accidentally send stuff to the wrong person. the xkit thing helps out a lot in that manner.

i prefer plotting, but i understand that i can be slow to respond whether due to lack of time or not really feeling the best. the same goes with interactions, slow burns are generally preferred as well --- whether friendships or otherwise.  

[ackleholics]

bitch i demand you answer all 60.

u r a MENACE

1. selfie

alrdy done

2. what would you name your future kids?

lmao im never gonna have kids rip. but i do have two smol sons and they are magnus and alec

3. do you miss anyone?

yep :/

4. what are you looking forward to?

alrdy done

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

def. harry, matt, isaiah. Hamish and andy. my friends sometimes (not u nat ur a butthead)

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

definitely. if i miss them i pretty much never get over it. if it’s someone im mad at that i normally forget em p quickly so LOL

7. what was your life like last year?

the same cept i was Less Woke™

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

no? that’s a thing?

9. who did you last see in person?

mum

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

yep i sure damn hope so

11. are you listening to music right now?

nope. only rlly listen to it when im writing. otherwise it distracts me

12. what is something you want right now?

my pACKAGE TO QARRIVE ALREADY JFC

13. how do you feel right now?

Tired, Depressed™, chill, the usual

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

probs my cousin at my bday or smth i dunno

15. personality description

Depressed™

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

im p blunt most of the time. things i keep secret r secrets ppl tell me to keep or if im crushing.

17. opinion on insecurities.

depends. im insecure about like, a few things, but a lot of things i’m just liek eh whatever about. like if ppl judge u for who u r then that’s they’re business and u can’t do anything about it so

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

nah

19. have you ever been to New York?

nope. would totes go to meet matt tho :P

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

errrrrr. pink’s song maybe?

21. age and birthday?

19 and if u kno my bday u kno it good for u

22. description of crush.

don’t currently have one. my last one was… well, it didn’t work out ill just say that XD

23. fear(s)

im p scared of ppl u look up to turning out to be homophobes/assholes ngl

24. height

5″10′ish

25. role model

hmm. i don’t rlly think i have one specifically. for themes, Slut Jensen. for writing…. there are a  lot of fanfic writers i adore. for graphics, @galaxystiel @stardustsam @hallowedbecastiel etc etc.

26. idol(s)

is there a difference between this and role models? is it more like celebrities? i guess Tahmoh Penikett, Andy samberg, Misha Collins, Tyler Hoechlin, Dylan O'Brien, Lee Majdoub, Josh Hutcherson, Colin O'donoghue…. idk there’s a lot

27. things i hate

homophobes, acephobes, ppl who think asexuals shouldn’t be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, general shitty ppl.

28. i’ll love you if…

u like shows i like. u have similar opinions or have ones that enhance/better my own. 

29. favourite film(s)

spirited away. eagle eye. thor ragnarok

30. favourite tv show(s)

supernatural shadowhunters b99 lucifer designated survivor DGHDA idk there’s a lot

31. 3 random facts

alrdy done

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

both. depends. on tumblr mainly girls cause i like, don’t know any guys. wait no i have 1 guy friend on tumblr. for gaming it’s guys and girls

33. something you want to learn

ASL or AUSLAN. Jscript/other codes. 

34. most embarrassing moment

GOD SO MANY.

35. favourite subject

does sleeping count?

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

become a successful author, find someone that makes me happy and will be my life partner, meet matt/harry/isiah/jensen/jared/misha/TAHMOH etc etc

37. favourite actor/actress

tAHMOH FRIGGIN PENIKETT

38. favourite comedian(s)

hamish and andy. bo burnham. Conan obrien. 

39. favourite sport(s)

NONE LMAO. video gaming there

40. favourite memory

oooo this is a lot of pressure. um idk there’s a few. i can’t think of any super recent. i got to stare at tahmoh once from a distance and that was p awesome

41. relationship status

sadly, single

42. favourite book(s)

books? pfft. i only know fanfiction

43. favourite song ever

EVER? holy shit um. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ

44. age you get mistaken for

i normally get mistaken for younger than older.

45. how you found out about your idol

tahmoh penikett, through supernatural, tho i saw him first on castle i think? or around the same time. and then i watched doll house for him

46. what my last text message says

im gonna make pozza first

47. turn ons

none lmfao????? i don’t like..... 0.o how does an ace answer this

but er if i had to give an answer i like ppls eyes. i appreciate honesty and genuity. i like when ppl are themselves.

48. turn offs

lying, cheating, homophobia, casual racism etc etc

49. where i want to be right now

a billionaire in some quiet suburb in a cozy apartment with ridiculously fast unlimited wifi.

50. favourite picture of your idol

51. starsign

aries yeh?

52. something i’m talented at

pfft im an untalented dirt bag. im moderately good at coding i guess

53. 5 things that make me happy

sleeping. writing. reading. TV (most of the time) and my friends (on occasion :P)

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

that im gonna be mailed anthrax

55. tumblr friends

The BatSquad ofc (also check my updates tab)

56. favourite food(s)

cHICKEN!!!!! PIZZA!!!! NACHOS!!!!! NANDOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

57. favourite animal(s)

owls, foxes, cats, dogs, tigers, lions, snakes, literally all of them p much

58. description of my best friend

i can’t pick just one fuck off. 

59. why i joined tumblr

for tyler hoechlin and teen wolf and sterek

60. ask me anything you want

Galaxystiel: hey im an asshole right? for making u do all of these questions in one go.

Me: Yep

*totally a conversation that happened*

these are actually nice you fucking nerd- ASK GAME

[baereaved]

oh uh, another thing on the subject of character stats, you’ve probably noticed that i’ve been going w/ “sophistication” as opposed to what it says on the wiki as “education”. i’m 99% certain the stat name is the same in the last fanbook (i don’t have it to check ofc, but i’m p sure) and i just wanna say that sophistication/education are the same stat here. we changed it from education to sophistication for the sake of it making more sense, e.g. it makes more sense that allen’s sophistication went down than saying his education went down

that said, there are still some changed stat names as far as i can tell, but that’s just bc the chara got a new personalized stat instead of keeping the same old one, like uh. i think malcolm’s used to be authority? but there was no way for me to translate the new one as authority bc that just isn’t what it said, so he has a new stat there. just. fyi. changes. thought i’d give updates

[fleur]

i’ve been asked a few times about the process of selecting and using themes, so i thought i would write out everything i can think to say about them and hope it’s useful! i’ve broken it up into the very basics, before you hunt, hunting for themes, colours, pages, update tabs and extras! if you can think of anything else that i’ve missed, please don’t be afraid to ask! i’m happy to help wherever i can!  

THE VERY BASICS

html can feel a little daunting, but the amazing theme makers on this site have made it super easy to make use of their codes! so once you’re ready to install your theme it’ll go like this:

once you’ve picked your theme (keep reading for tips on that!), in the description there should be a link usually titled ‘code’ (along with other instructions which will help with installing it!), open this link and copy all of the text (this is the code!) supplied! then when you’re ready, when you click ‘edit theme’ on your blog you’ll see this:

you want to click ‘edit HTML’ and you’ll be taken here:

you want to delete all of the code that’s there already and replace it with the code you just copied! now click ‘update preview’ and then ‘save’ and click the back arrow button and refresh the page! (sometimes you won’t need to refresh but i do it out of habit of having shitty laptops)

depending on the features of the theme your ‘theme options’ should have changed! most basically it should have options for post width, font colour, link colour + where to add your links for your homepage! have a go at turning each setting on and off so you can see what each does for your theme - but yo the theme makers on here are dope and everything should be really straight forward! (i’m happy to try and help if anything seems confusing! but theme makers are also often ready to answer questions and are ofc best to ask!)

DO NOT EVER EVER EVER REMOVE THE CREDIT FROM ANY CODES YOU USE. DON’T BE THAT GUY. JUST DON’T DO IT. coding is fucking hard, and there are so many reasons why it’s not okay to remove the credit after all that hard work they’ve done to supply you and other users with free codes for your blog. so just don’t do it.

don’t edit the code (often small tweaks are fine) unless you have permission to do so.

and please make sure to like and/or reblog any code you do use! you’re about to use their hard work, it’s the least you can do!

BEFORE YOU HUNT

i think it’s good to have a look around at some blogs that you love + admire and start to get an idea of what kind of theme you want because honestly there are so many wonderful themes out there it can get pretty overwhelming trying to pick one! (also look for the credit on these themes, when you find one you really love you can see what else the theme maker has posted! (or even just use that theme if it’s available from the credit source - they are all there for all of us to use, so nobody will mind!))

think about how many links you are going to want to have displayed on your homepage, as some will have a lot more than others! i think the essentials to have linked are your original content, navigation + about pages (going to get to that later!) but the rest is up to you!

HUNTING

my two fave places to find themes + codes are @theme-hunter and @acuite ! (but again, def have a browse of bloggers with themes you love and see what else those creators have made!)

i think it’s a good idea to put a whole bunch you like the look of in your likes and then narrow it down from there! so often i’ll get halfway through changing a theme and decide it’s not quuuite right, so it’s good to have options!

make sure to consider any images within the theme! some themes might need a specific sized image, while others will scale it down for you - so keep an eye out for that kind of stuff. you can use sites like pixlr and picmonkey to crop down and edit images to size! a lot of themes have smaller icons, so often icon pack icons are perfect!

personally (+ remember this is all totally subjective, at the end of the day it’s your blog, so you should have whatever theme you like best!!), i like single columned themes with a white background! i think white is the best to present your content on, but if you do what to have a coloured background - i’d suggest a very pale/saturated colour so it doesn’t distract/clash with some of your posts!  (my background is a very light grey with the borders around images kept white!)

also, i think it’s a really nice idea to keep tags showing on your themes! as quite often when i’ll be scrolling through someone’s blog i might see a post i’d like to see more of and with the tags showing it’d only take one click! + leave captions on! same way you shouldn’t delete captions when reblogging edits etc, you should have the caption on show on your blog!! 

COLOURS

who doesn’t love a good colour palette? you’ll be able to see how many colours you can incorporate into your theme under ‘theme options’! black/dark greys are usually the best for your default font colour - but have some fun with your link and link hover colour!

looking through ‘colour tumblrs’ are a good way to pick a palette, but make sure they all tie in nicely (including with your themes icon if it has one!) i usually find colour inspo here + from the blogs reblogged from within there.

PAGES

pages can be super important! nicely organised pages are definitely something i look for in blogs, and just makes your blog feel much cleaner and organised! it’s also good to get away from just having a ‘default style’ page with a simple text list tag/about page, it just looks nicer when you have a coded page for it, ya know?

the two pages i think every blog should have (and have linked from your homepage for sure) are an ‘about’ page and a ‘navigation/tags’ page! then after that, just start checking out what kind of pages other blogs have and ones you’d enjoy having on yours!

sometimes you’ll be able to find ‘page packs’ where a coder has made the ‘standard (about, navi, blogroll etc)’ pages all with a similar style! you might notice on my blog, my faq, about and navigation pages all look quite similar because i got mine from a pack! but if not, just aim for pages that work nicely together and with your blog!

(both of the theme blogs i linked above have well-organised pages sections, so they’re still my recommendations!)

(to add a html page just make sure you have ‘custom’ selected here: )

UPDATE TABS

they can feel a little daunting, but really, they’re pretty easy to add and are great to have on your blog! you can use them for a little bio section, a place for extra links and letting people know what you have going on atm!

so each updates tab should have some instructions to help you, but the general idea is you’ll be given one/two bits of code to add to your theme's code. so you will have to go back into ‘edit html’ and usually it’s at least one bit of code to paste into the ‘<body>’ of your theme! but make sure to read the rules supplied for each updates tab, as all are slightly different!

to make your updates tab sit on the opposite side of the blog - cmd+f within the code of your updates tab and look for either ‘left’ or ‘right’ in accordance to how it sits currently + then switch it word for the side you want it to be on!

EXTRAS

clock for your blog (find your timezone and scroll down to where it says ‘tools & converters’ and there will be a link that says ‘Display a free clock for *location* on your website or blog’)

hit counter + online user counter

handy codes to know (for editing your bio etc!):

adding a link: <a href=“urlbetweenthequotes”>name of link</a>

break: (drops your following text down one line) <br>

paragraph (drops it down about two) <p>

[mollydpowellus]

Control and User Plane Separation of EPC nodes (CUPS) in 3GPP Release-14

One of the items in 3GPP Rel-14 is Control and User Plane Separation of EPC nodes (CUPS). I have made a video explaining this concept that is embedded below. In 3G networks (just considering PS domain), the SGSN and GGSN handles the control plane that is responsible for signalling as well as the user plane which is responsible for the user data. This is not a very efficient approach for deployment. You can have networks that have a lot of signalling (remember signaling storm?) due to a lot of smartphone users but not necessarily consuming a lot of data (mainly due to price reasons). On the other hand you can have networks where there is not a lot of signalling but lot of data consumption. An example of this would be lots of data dongles or MiFi devices where users are also consuming a lot of data, because it’s cheap. To cater for these different scenarios, the control plane and user plane was separated to an extent in the Evolved Packet Core (EPC). MME handles the control plane signalling while S-GW & P-GW handles the user plane CUPS goes one step further by separating control & user plane from S-GW, P-GW & TDF. TDF is Traffic Detection Function which was introduced together with Sd reference point as means for traffic management in the Release 11. The Sd reference point is used for Deep Packet Inspections (DPI) purposes. TDF also provides the operators with the opportunity to capitalize on analytics for traffic optimization, charging and content manipulation and it works very closely with Policy and charging rules function, PCRF. As mentioned, CUPS provides the architecture enhancements for the separation of S-GW, P-GW & TDF functionality in the EPC. This enables flexible network deployment and operation, by using either distributed or centralized deployment. It also allows independent scaling between control plane and user plane functions - while not affecting the functionality of the existing nodes subject to this split. As the 3GPP article mentions, CUPS allows for:

Reducing Latency on application service, e.g. by selecting User plane nodes which are closer to the RAN or more appropriate for the intended UE usage type without increasing the number of control plane nodes.

Supporting Increase of Data Traffic, by enabling to add user plane nodes without changing the number of SGW-C, PGW-C and TDF-C in the network.

Locating and Scaling the CP and UP resources of the EPC nodes independently.

Independent evolution of the CP and UP functions.

Enabling Software Defined Networking to deliver user plane data more efficiently.

The following high-level principles were also adopted for the CUPS:

The CP function terminates the Control Plane protocols: GTP-C, Diameter (Gx, Gy, Gz).

A CP function can interface multiple UP functions, and a UP function can be shared by multiple CP functions.

An UE is served by a single SGW-CP but multiple SGW-UPs can be selected for different PDN connections. A user plane data packet may traverse multiple UP functions.

The CP function controls the processing of the packets in the UP function by provisioning a set of rules in Sx sessions, i.e. Packet Detection Rules for packets inspection, Forwarding Action Rules for packets handling (e.g. forward, duplicate, buffer, drop), Qos Enforcement Rules to enforce QoS policing on the packets, Usage Reporting Rules for measuring the traffic usage.

All the 3GPP features impacting the UP function (PCC, Charging, Lawful Interception, etc) are supported, while the UP function is designed as much as possible 3GPP agnostic. For example, the UPF is not aware of bearer concept.

Charging and Usage Monitoring are supported by instructing the UP function to measure and report traffic usage, using Usage Reporting Rule(s). No impact is expected to OFCS, OCS and the PCRF.

The CP or UP function is responsible for GTP-u F-TEID allocation.

A legacy SGW, PGW and TDF can be replaced by a split node without effecting connected legacy nodes.

CUPS forms the basis of EPC architecture evolution for Service-Based Architecture for 5G Core Networks. More in another post soon. A short video on CUPS below, slides available here.

Further reading:

3GPP: Control and User Plane Separation of EPC nodes (CUPS)

ITU: 5G Network Architecture and FMC - Joe Wilke, Ericsson

Heavy Reading: Service-Based Architecture for 5G Core Networks

from My Updates http://blog.3g4g.co.uk/2017/12/control-and-user-plane-separation-of.html

[pierresonalthoughts]

im feeling like talking about myself to The Void™

so heres a whole ask prompt that im just gonna answer without nobody really asking for it or reading it, actually

ice cream asks

chocolate: when was your first kiss?

when i was 16, bc my best friend had kissed my our two best friends in a party, drunk off champagne, and she surprise gave me a kiss like a week later to keep it even. I answered saying ‘hey, i guess its a nice time to tell u that im gay?’. we laughed, got real awkward and never talked about that again

but if its the actual kiss that i did wanna have + w a boy, it was when i was 17, one week before the college exam for the one im currently in. bc it is technically the most difficult college exam of the country, or at least the one with biggest competition, i was so fckn nervous that i went on a tinder date with some boy who ended up being such a bad kisser, such a bad conversation and an acquaintance to like half my closest friends.

french vanilla: how old are you?

18, but nearly 19

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?

germany, japan and england. i used to want to go to USA but with the whole current shituation? nope

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

im trying to learn french, german and japanese so theres those

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?

no cosmetics, we die like goblins

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?

depends on the mood. i love walking through the outdoors but i literally spent 70% of this semester in my bed, so thats both a reason to favor both options

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?

nope, used to want to play guitar but rn ill just sing badly under my breath

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?

i have a little playlist of songs that im listening ad nauseum at all times, but rn its either Praying, the whole Melodrama album or the whole Red Velvet new album

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?

between two lungs, the only exception, sakura-colored time capsule

cheesecake: what's your zodiac sign?

libra sun, virgo rising and idk my moon or the rest rly

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?

pool is p much bootleg beach but i love both. but the whole beach is so good? walking by the shore, the activeness of the water, beach food, the sound of waves, just all in all 10/10

chocolate chip: what's your most popular post?

absolutely this 270k post

bubblegum: books or movies?

with the books i can just savor the story for way more time so books? and i can do it like at random times and places so thats right within my aesthetic whipping out a book at random moments.

but i both wish i had time to read in my shit rushed life and i definitely need more money to spend on actual books. so i end up watchin more movies since i can just watch it at 3am and with some easy pirating

pistachio: manga or anime?

same feelings about books vs movies

salted caramel: favorite movies?

i dont even know really

birthday cake: favorite books?

probably the hitchhiker series, but i love me some classical lit like jane austen and machado de assis

moose tracks: favorites for manga?

i love kuragehime with my life, mob psycho with my soul and jojo (parts 4,6,7) with my full love for extraness

orange sherbet: favorites for anime?

oh man, im going for the ones that made the most impressions on me, like ouran, madoka, bokurano, katanagari, nichijou and psycho pass

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?

like all? i shit you not that i liked all my subjects in high school and now in engineering college, i loved algorithms and data structures

black raspberry: do you have any pets?

nope but i rly want a cat

mango: when and why did you start your blog?

a friend of mine convinced me to read homestuck right after cascade, and when i read it i started following the updates here. so, since october/2011? the truly darkest times of this site. i remember seeing a full episode of doctor who in a 200 gifs gifset when photosets had no image limitation

mocha: ideal weather conditions?

i wanna say cloudy weather but that just makes me depressed. but i love when its raining enough to streets go empty but not enough to it being fully inconvenient when you have an umbrella, bc it makes for the most aesthetic strolls under a nice umbrella, with only my thoughts and music, and protected from the elements

black cherry: four words that describe you?

gay nerd depressed and supportive, i guess

neapolitan: things that stress you out?

my life, all the things i need to do and the possibility of stopping being good at the only things im good at

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?

i really cant find a pattern on my music taste so idk

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?

i absolutely sold my soul to Fini, not even a question

toffee: a card game that you're good at?

ill kick anyones ass in Uno and ill kick my own ass in solitaire

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?

yes im one of the few people i know that eats the breakfast from my college cafeteria, but thats mostly bc breakfast food is a loophole in my hundreds of picky eating no-nos

dark chocolate: turn ons?

any boy with piercings gets instant +3 on my 1-10 scale and im a sucker for perfume

fudge: turn offs?

general shitty personality, smoking and i guess i still have some fatphobia to deconstruct too

peach: how do you relax?

haha i dont. but i guess watching anime, scrolling through this hellsite, listening to some tunes, walking around aimlessly and making a cocoon out of myself in my bed count

praline: a popular book you haven't read yet?

im so out of touch with the current trends that i cant even say what i havent read

superman: do you like sweaters?

im living in hoodies for the last month or so but the general weather here is not exactly sweater weather and my hometown only goes from 25-31 celsius everyday of the year

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

i hate tea and most of my liquid intake is in coffee with milk

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?

the piano i guess

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

ofc, either with videos in the interwebs and with my friends

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?

a more efficient use of internet data when in mobile, bc good god im losing my life waiting for things to load

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?

i love every webcomic that i follow

almond: favorite mean girls quote?

“too gay to function” is absolutely an accurate definition of me tbh

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?

no color and 6/10 were bit off

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?

indirectly by a girl friend i had in my school, and by my bestfriend’s brother this may

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?

hahahaha im pretty sure i had at least four painfully hopeless and debilitating crushes on straight boys ever since 2013

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?

my sleeping schedule is so fucked up that i just pass out in the middle of the morning, afternoon or night, so thats both naps and my actual hours of sleep

mint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

hahaha nope, not unearthing any memories, nope, thank you

brownie batter: do you like sushi?

no

key lime: where do you want to be right now?

i wanna be home, in fortaleza

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

yea, ever since i was 5 and i cant see shit without them

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?

neapolitan, cream and theres an ice cream shop in my hometown that has a lemon pie flavor that actually sent my soul to heaven