was thinking about the wizards again. as one does. i know i talk a lot about them but 1) i like them 2) akira likes them 3) they become very entangled in akiras life in every verse where theyve met or knows them, and even in verses where they dont (or forgotten them) theyll always have a vague feeling of 'something happened' regarding certain topics (i.e. the moon)
&& while it doesnt explicitly come up 90% of the time, akira having lost twentyone dear friends so suddenly once they return to their world is something they have to deal with post-canon, & theyre very likely to think of those memories & friends like.....A Lot. they & their interactions with akira is just rlyyyyy important even when akira cant meet them anymore
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
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I know it's just what the slaver enemy type is programmed to say, but I have very strong feelings about the ones during A Bitter Pill telling the others to "keep the pretty ones alive."
Like. If you're Fenris, already at your limit in what you can handle emotionally today, and you hear the ones who'd drag you back to a fate worse than death saying that about the few friends you've managed to cobble together in your sparse years of freedom...man. I've been thinking about this for days and I don't have any sort of conclusion here.
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taking it easy on the art for a bit because i felt a Twang in my drawing hand and my joints make too many mysterious crunching noises for me to risk it all for fanart. i'll be floatin around writing and making posts and reblogging stuff but if you see me post some ludicrous watercolour project without a little 'wow this has cleared up!' reblog then hit me with a rolled up newspaper
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was scrolling through my gallery and came across this absolute hair dye tragedy from last year
this is really different than what I post usually but anyways- (images cropped to only show my hair for privacy)
I got my hair dyed on June 21st of 2023, specifically dyeing it a bit darker than the color I actually wanted because I expected it to fade over time and didn't mind having a less pastel color
Only a week later on June 28th, it had already faded to the color I originally wanted! I thought it would then proceed to stay this way and was very happy
On July 4th I leave to go on a trip to Europe through a girl scouts thing. My schedule had been really busy the whole time leading up to this trip, so June 21st was actually the closest date available for me to dye my hair before the trip. Even though it was still fading A LOT, I thought everything was fine and had even made sure that some of the outfits I had packed for this trip would match my new hair color
July 7th I am only 3 days in to a 10-day trip and the pink is so subtle that nobody could see it unless they were specifically trying to
The very next day on July 8th I was so blonde I couldn't even lie to myself about it anymore
I got to have pink hair for a total of 17 DAYS
that's not even a month
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