#of seeing this for at least a whole year so. That Ends Now plus ultra bitches

[little-candy-store-of-horrors]

As unrealistic as me thinking, for like one (1) ((or TWO?????)) whole years, that i was going to colour this in

[if-i-was-a-cucumber]

gen 4 is literally on our doorstep

I said it! I’m using proper capitalization and everything. As per how the GMMTV generations tend to go, with 2-3 years per generation, Gen-3 has ended and we are now entering Gen-4. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about and would like to know, see this post.)

Here’s a bunch of patterns I’ve noticed! I’m very much a rambler, though, so there will be a TL;DR at the bottom for anyone who doesn’t like long analyses.

Thailand loves Japan!

Checking out Generation 4 so far has been quite the treat. It seems like, at least so far, Japan has completely dominated the Gen-4 series. Not only did we get Cherry Magic (though it’s technically Gen-3), but we’re also getting My Love Mix-Up! and Ossan’s Love. (There’s High School Frenemy too, which I believe is a School 2013 remake, but that’s Korean, not Japanese.)

The casting of these three Japanese shows makes their attempts pretty clear. I think we’ll be seeing more Japanese series in GMMTV 2024 Part 2, with these three as the opening to make the idea more palatable. After all, we’ve been begging for a new TayNew series since Dark Blue Kiss ended four years ago, GeminiFourth are the biggest thing on the planet right now, and EarthMix have a super reliable history of making smash hit after smash hit (Cupid’s Last Wish not included). Using these three to introduce a wave of remakes just makes sense.

It must be kept in mind, though, that the reception of these series probably isn’t what GMMTV was hoping for. Obviously, Ossan’s Love didn’t do well, as they didn’t even present a trailer or a cast for it. Everyone is excited for My Love Mix-Up!, of course, but the whole team is walking on eggshells. They have to be really, really careful not to screw this one up, because Kieta Hatsukoi is a BL classic. The original actors and color coding did the manga so well that this Thai one is going to start off being compared to the best of the best. Plus, it’s a bit of a taboo to mention, but GeminiFourth haven’t had an acting project in a while since they’ve been doing ultra-popular concerts left and right. At least ten people realized that their acting in the trailer was much worse than in My School President and Moonlight Chicken. I’m sure they won’t start filming until those two have gone to the moon and back in acting classes, but still, it’s something to worry about.

Even with Cherry Magic doing as fantastic as it is, with TayNew’s veteran chemistry and popularity only adding to the gorgeous production, planning, and Japanese incorporation of the show, it comes with a caveat: It was recently taken off YouTube everywhere except for Thailand because of copyright purposes. That puts a whole shadow over the series, and over the audience’s trust in the company to do Japanese series right. It also adds to the growing sense of inadequacy inter-fans have felt for a while from the obvious difference in treatment compared to local fans.

Other stuff!

Well, aside from the new Japanese appreciation, it seems like I was correct in that GMMTV is increasing its experimentation. We’ve already got a new CP, JossGawin, and in the boldest choice for a series ever: a vampire BL. The special effects in the trailer were on crack and everyone seems to be into it, but whether it’s ironic or not I don’t actually know.

On Ploy’s Yearbook, while it seems pretty normal, it actually does a lot to break GMMTV status quo. Earth, Joong, Film, Namtan, and Jimmy, all of whom are in committed CPs, now find themselves tied to straight couples for the series, which isn’t that weird. It’s also a more girl-focused series, which we’re getting a lot more of this generation (Pluto, 23.5 whenever that comes out). But it’s also super bold, like JossGawin’s BL, because of the ship Joong and Film are in. Apparently, they’re adopted siblings, but the romance still flourishes. Very choicey. Last I remember, quasi-incest romance is what completely canceled the Fish Upon the Sky spin-off Star in the Water about Muang Nan and his stepbrother Nuer Kinn, but I suppose it’s a new era??

Ploy’s Yearbook isn’t the only show to break up popular CPs, though. Summer Night kicked its trailer off with a kiss from Dunk and Phuwin, and though it ended up not going anywhere between them, it was still a choice they made. They also finally let Ohm get back into the BL game after the death of OhmNanon, and while Leng is super much very cute and I adore how Ohm forgets how to not smile around him, I do hear that Leng has been receiving a lot of really bad hate messages from OhmNanon fans, which is disgusting.

(On a side note, another pretty bold choice GMMTV may not have even noticed they made was in Kidnap. It’s pretty much the perfect set-up for Stockholm syndrome, but I don’t know if they’ll handle it well. But, I think the director of this series also directed Midnight Museum, which was plenty uncomfortable and dealt with a lot of uncomfortable stuff, so I bet it’s in good hands.)

This isn’t everything I’ve noticed (Wandee Goodday’s treatment and casting, the long-awaited shift from putting 30-year-old OffGun in school uniforms and letting them be actual adults, the new ensemble cast series), but it’s all I wanted to shove in one post.

TL;DR: More remakes of Japanese series coming in the future (though whether they’ll hit, we can’t be sure), and a lot more experimentation in the form of breaking up CPs and bolder/racier topics. Plus, I foresee more GLs, or at least girl-focused series.

[blackenedwhite97]

Coming Out [Poly! Erasermic x {Fem}Reader]

Hello! this was a requested fic from like before Christmas. I'M A MESS I KNOW I'M SORRY! I’ll be catching up at some point, I'm in my final sem at uni and have MAJOR senioritis. Me no do unless me have to. Instead, now I just spend my time staring at the existential abyss the threatens to swallow my ceiling and think about everything I'm procrastinating. But I digress...

Content Warning: This story is of a negative experience coming out as poly to your family, this deals with rejection from the reader's mother, father, and a grandparent. This story demonstrates Homophobia, xenophobia, traditionalist and conservative values and attitudes and may be triggering to some folks.

This story includes a Polyamorous relationship

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

Word Count: 3.7 K (A baby story)

Y/N --- 4:06pm

Hey can my roomates come to dinner?

DAD --- 4:06

You mean the gays?

Y/M --- 4:08

Please don’t call them that. Neither of them are gay anyways, there’s more than just gay or straight.

DAD --- 4:10

Yeah whatever. Let your mom decide.

MOM --- 5:12

Sure, they can come.

Mom --- 5:23

Gma might be coming dinner tho. Maybe talk to them?

That conversation should have been enough of a warning for how the evening was going to transpire. At news of your grandmother attending dinner, you panicked and tried to back out of your plans. You had been growing steadily farther apart from your parents anyways, barely seeing them more that once a year if that. It’s not like they didn’t have their suspicions anyways, to them you were a single woman living in the big city sharing an apartment with two gay men. Not that they’d ever been to the apartment. If they had they might have notice that one of the two “bedrooms” was being used as an office. Earlier on in the relationship you were so deeply uncomfortable being around your parents alone, that you had Shouta come with you every visit because you were so paranoid you were just going to come out on the spot.

At first your parents were sure that you and Shouta were together. He had subconsciously cleaned up quite nice the first few times he met your parents anyways, wanting to make a good impression on them if you finally did tell them about your polyamorous relationship. Then as time went on you got busier and started to see them less. Shouta’s parents lived in the suburbs and you saw them on holidays, plus Shouta had come out to them as being bisexual a long time ago and hadn’t felt much pressure to hide the polyamorous nature of your relationship to begin with. Hizashi’s mom was still a city dweller in her 60’s and on top of doing the cute mom things like baking fantastic cookies and handing down family jewelry to the daughter in law, she’d also taken Hizashi and Shouta to their first pride in Tokyo and had an in-home recording studio where she recorded for local punk bands. She was, quite literally, a cool mom.

You gnawed vigorously at your thumbnail, not quiet biting the whole way through, instead riddling it with dents and cracks. Chewing your nails wasn’t a habit you’d always had, it became a sort of silent worry thing you started to do when you got to your agency and had to remain still and quiet during briefings, no matter how terrible the news was. Your ruined nail beds were an atrocity to Hizashi, who had paid several times for you to get a manicure to get your nails short and evenly trimmed so you could manage them on your own. You still somehow found a way to gnaw on the short squared off nubs of your nails though, and it drove him nuts. Shouta cared less, his hands were in ridiculous shape, he was callused and bruised, cracked and flaking all over the place and Hizashi would regularly force moisturizer on them. Shouta cared more about figure out the root stress, it’s not that Hizashi didn’t, he just didn’t know how to, so he settled for pampering you.

“It’s dead.” Hizashi huffed from the bedroom door. “Obliterated, actually.”

“Hmm?” You looked up from your phone, you hadn’t been reading any of the messages in the chat for a good few minutes and just let your eyes unfocus instead. You yanked your thumb from your mouth and hid it below the table like a child caught with a sweet they’d snuck from the kitchen before dinner, you knew he saw.

“Your nail.” Hizashi gently patted the end of his hair with his special fluffy towel that he’d convinced you and Shouta he needed to control his frizz (which he didn’t have) and padded towards the kitchen table where you sat. He placed a kiss on the top of your head as he strode around you.

“What’s up, love?” he murmured softly, leaning against the table next you. One of his legs propped up on the chair to your right and leaned down to look at your phone screen.

“This is going to go horribly.” You breathed, panicked as you set your phone down on the table.

“You don’t know that.” Hizashi looked back up at you and smiled sweetly.

“Not everyone’s mom is a cool rocker lady in her 60’s who lives in the heart of downtown still and is fully supportive of her child’s bisexual polyamorous relationship with their childhood best friend and an ex-small-town girl with an ultra-conservative family.” You huffed out in one long breath.

“That was oddly specific.” He chuckled softly. “What about Sho’s parents, they’re conservative?”

“Yeah, but his parents are at least polite and send us both Christmas gifts every year and keep any and all of their shittier opinions to themselves because they want their son to be happy.” You groaned dramatically, dropping your head onto his thigh, using the extra meat to muffle the noise.

“Y-your-” Hizashi’s leg twitched from the vibrations of your groan. “Your parents want you to be happy too, Y/n.”

You groaned into his thigh, trying to explain the difference between your parent’s and Shouta’s. Hizashi laughed and gently grabbed the side of your face, lifting it so you were no longer muffled by his leg.

“Try again.” He instructed.

“They only want me to be happy if it fits into their rigid frame of what acceptable happiness looks like.” You explained again.

“Hey,” Hizashi ran his thumb back and forth across your cheek, “have faith, baby. They’re your family, they love you.”

If only he’d been right.

Shouta was the know it all, the one that way always right. Hizashi on the other hand was quiet used to being the one that was not always right, he had no hubris about his intelligence what-so-ever. So much so that sometimes you and Shouta had to remind him that he was intelligent and offered a lot of knowledge and wisdom in many many ways: public speaking, social relationships, radio scripting, he spoke two languages fluently as well. However, this one-time Hizashi wished dearly that he had been right, that he was an insufferable know it all who never got it wrong. It was a different twisted feeling in his gut, sitting the back seat watching you try to keep it together in the front seat, than the usual mild embarrassment that faded after a couple of minutes when he was wrong about something. That was damn near luxurious compared to the painful knot tearing into his stomach.

The silence in the car was so dense and absolute that it almost physically gagged Hizashi and Shouta, the two of them were too afraid to say anything and break it. It felt as though the heavy silence was keeping you from breaking, as if it were applying enough pressure at all sides to keep the thin veneer of composure you were managing together. You felt it too, along with the heavy weight that was nearly crushing your chest, the thick doughy lump clogging your throat and the tremble in your lips. You took a deep breath, it getting caught halfway and freezing in to an unrealized sob that you pushed down.

Shouta huffed and pulled off to the side of the dark country road, slowing into the gravelly shoulder. He turned in his seat to face you, undoing his seat belt so he could fully turn his body. You kept your eyes out the window, trying with all your might not to let the tears that clouded your eyes to fall. You knew you’d need to cry about this, about your parents and their conditional love. You knew that this was something you would need to deal with, but you didn’t want to at this moment. You wanted to go home, take some sleeping medication and go to sleep, you wanted to wait until the open wound in your chest had stopped bleeding to begin treating it.

Your father was being facetious about your living arrangement as usual, whenever he was faced with Shouta and Hizashi his first reaction was to constantly point out that fact that you were a woman living with two men and that if they weren’t gay that one of them should have married you by now. Shouta and Hizashi had taken these comments like water rolling off of a duck’s back, Hizashi even grinned and mumbled something about your father tempting him. You could have kept your mouth shut, you could have kept your cool but Shouta’s hand was brushing against your thigh and you felt it tense into an annoyed fist. Something about Shouta’s minimal reaction lit a fire in you, more like an explosion. It was a surge of very sudden and very ferocious courage that lasted a split second and no longer. You’d practically shouted it, the ringing in your ears drowning whatever words you’d used out.

You were met with complete and utter silence, shock and fear thick in the air. You’d almost believed for a moment that you hadn’t done it, that you’d just shouted randomly and just scared everyone. But then your dad stood up, his shocked open mouth flattening out into a hard straight line, this jaw swelling as he clenched it.

“W-what?” he growled, stepping back from the table as if you were a threat.

You were ready to backtrack, you were so ready to just laugh and pretend you were fucking with him. But you spared a glance to Shouta and Hizashi, their faces pale and guilty. They, regardless of what you could say in an attempt to cover up what you’d just said, were basically admitting to it already. You instinctively shrunk back into your chair like you’d do when you were younger at the dinner table whenever something uncomfortable would come up. You could tell everyone was at a loss for words, the difference was that you were scared and at a loss for words, Shouta and Hizashi were shocked and at a loss for words and your father was steaming angry and at a loss for words.

Your mother, who had always been the least confrontational of the two turned away from you and almost in a show of disgust immediately went to comfort your grandmother. It was as if you were an afront to goodness, an act of moral atrocity being committed in front of them. Your father began to barrage you with passive aggressive questions and accusations towards Shouta and Hizashi. He was trying to understand while at the same time refusing to give you a chance to explain. You stopped listening after the first few sentences that came out of his mouth, falling back into an internal monologue filled with regret. He must have said something exceptionally terrible because in an instant Shouta was standing, his arm reaching out to separate you from him and he was shouting. Shouta never shouted, he barely voiced any form of annoyance or frustration in general when it wasn’t a learning moment for his students, but here he was on his feet volleying harsh word with your father.

Hizashi, you realized was attempting damage control, his hands raised and his voice lower than either of the other two men’s. You blinked back into the present, as noise filled your ears, you mother was crying, your father and Shouta were shouting and Hizashi was rambling panicked. You took a couple of deep breaths and stood up on shaky legs, gripping Shouta’s protective arm for support, and looked your father in the eyes. He faltered at the direct eye contact and you saw an opening where there was less shouting to contend with.

“Stop,” you hissed through gritted teeth. “this is why I never wanted to tell you! Why I was perfectly okay with living away from you guys for the rest- This is why I haven’t been home.”

Your mother gasped a ragged, tear-filled breath. She’d expressed before that she’d wished she could see you more often, that she’s noticed you’d been coming home less and less. You’d been good at covering it up, saying you were busy with work and simply couldn’t get the time off. You knew that what you’d just said hurt her, not in the way it should have. It hurt her because you’d just told them it was their fault that you felt unwelcomed here and not because you were afraid of your own parents.

“How long?” she breathed.

“Three years.” You sniffed, hand tightening around Shouta’s wrist.

“THREE?! THR-” your father bellowed in disbelief. “For three years they’ve been brainwashing and forcing themselves on you?!”

Suddenly you understood why Shouta had leapt up, you had just now caught up with the conversation. Red hot anger flared up in your chest, the mere insinuation that you were being forced in anyway to be with your partners filled you with utter rage.

“No!” You growled, for the first time in your life matching your father’s volume. “For three years they’ve been by my side, showing up at the hospital when I got hurt at work, celebrating my promotions at the agency, helping me make a home that I feel safe in and actually fucking caring about me!”

There was silence again, this one was thin but not light in anyway, like it was a delicate thread barely holding a great weight from falling and crushing you.

“We care for you.” You mother said darkly.

“No,” you swallowed hard, “you haven’t for a long time.”

“Get out.” You father growled.

Hizashi was already moving, grabbing your coats from the back of the chairs and pulling Shouta by the arm away from the table. It took you a good long second to move, even then it was because Shouta latched onto your shoulders and Hizashi tugged him along.

“I’m sorry.” Shouta whispered, his hand finding yours in your lap. You kept your eyes focused out the window at the pitch-black fields with barely visible for off golden dots of light. You couldn’t talk.

You heard Hizashi shuffling around in the back seat, scooting closer to you and his hand joined Shouta’s, pulling up onto the storage compartment between the seats. It was cracking, that veneer.

“It’s not your fault.” Hizashi murmured.

You sniffed hard, biting int you bottom lip. Of course, it wasn’t your fault that your parents didn’t accept you, that you weren’t good enough or right for them, that you weren’t on par with the apparent morality of the rest of the family. It wasn’t your fault that they were backwards people with terrible ideas of how a person should be. It still didn’t hurt any less that you couldn’t meet those backwards ideals, that you couldn’t be the right kind of person for them.

“Y/n,” Shouta whispered, gently grabbing your chin and turning your face towards them.

They were looking at you the way a mother looks at her crying baby in the first few months, the desperate need to connect and nurture glowing in their eyes. They were filled with worry, with pity, with understanding but also, with fear. No doubt, what had just happened had been traumatic for them too. Looking into their emotion filled eyes you felt that veneer shatter, falling away and unleashing that mournful sobbing that had been trapped inside.

Shouta pulled you towards him, holding you firmly to his chest placing his head atop yours. You vaguely felt Hizashi disappear from you for a moment, but you were too preoccupied with the trembling muscles seizing violently in your chest. Then you felt him sliding in behind you, only now realizing he’d stepped out of the car and slide in through your door as he shut it behind him. He draped himself over you rubbing circles into your back.

“It’s not your fault.” He murmured into your hair over and over again.

At first you didn’t really focus on it, thinking it idle words of comfort but the more he said the more it sunk in. The more your realized that you were holding onto the hope that there was something about this, about you, that you could fix. With every repetition of those four words that false hope chipped away and that heavy weight in your chest began to fall away. It was still painful, it still felt like you had a pen festering wound that you’d never fully heal from, but it also felt lighter. It felt as though a burden you’d believed was yours to bear was suddenly the responsibility of the many.

“You don’t have to change,” Shouta whispered softly as your sobs ebbed into weak beaths, “they do.”

That reignited some tears, to hear what you needed to said so plainly. Shouta was good at that, putting those intangible thoughts and feelings into plain words. You cried until the tears and the worry and the late hour caught up with you, until your head felt heavy and waterlogged and you slumped backwards into Hizashi sniffing. You cried until your wavering breaths evened out and your tired mind fell to silence. Hizashi pulled you into his lap and cradled you against him like a parent holding and oversized child, running his hand slowly through your hair.

When you awoke you were swaddled thoroughly with the fuzzy blanket from the couch Shouta hated because it shed and sandwiched between the two men who snored away. As you blinked in the early morning light that just barely peaked through the blinds you noticed the red rims around Hizashi’s eyes and deep-set circles under Shouta’s as if they both been awake all night. Shouta was still in his dress shirt and Hizashi had stripped down to his boxers and pulled his hair back into a sloppy bun. Neither were properly snoring which told they hadn’t been asleep for very long.

You tried to ignore what had happened last night, what had led to the heavy feeling in your head and crusty dry eyes and tight cheeks. You tried to pretend that they had stayed up for work, that they you had swaddled yourself up in the blanket nor because you were sad but because you just wanted to be cozy. Then you heard a phone vibrate on the nightstand and any and all work towards denial washed away as you dreaded checking it. It could just be a work thing, it could be Hizashi’s phone even though he’d never had it on silent even once since you’ve known him. It could have been Shouta’s vibrating against the wooden table even though you could see his slightly peeking out of his back pocket.

You sighed and sat up, daring the smallest of glances at the nightstand. It was your phone screen that was lit up, several notifications on the screen. You groaned and laid back down, scrunching your eyes shut begging for sleep to suddenly and miraculously take you. It buzzed again and you huffed. Fine. You’ll check it. I guess someone could be dying. I do stop that from happening for a living.

You very cautiously crawled over Hizashi and reached to get your phone, electing not to look at it until you settled back between your boys. You scrolled though your notifications, weather, news, a work email, a second email from a contact that made your blood run cold and three missed calls and two answering machine messages from the same contact. Grandma. Your hands trembled at you unlocked your phone and typed int your voicemail password. You held the phone up to you ear and listen to the first message which was more or less just some frustrated grandma noises and mumbles about the inconvenience of technology, followed briefly by a set of hellos. If you hadn’t been ready to shit yourself, you’d have laughed. Then the second played and you had to take a deep breath to hold yourself together enough to keep listening.

“Hello? Hello? Y/n? Oh shi- well this is just ridiculous. Y/n, I don’t know if you can hear me, or maybe this is your answering machine, I don’t know I can’t hear too well but-” her soft worn voice said into the phone, “I want you to know that I love you. Your parents love you too, even if they did not act like it tonight.”

She paused and your eyes welled up with tears, a lump forming in your throat. It was this strange feeling of pure sadness but also happiness and relief.

“Those boys,” she continued, “probably would have killed your father last night if they had the chance. I’m not saying I get it, but they sure do love you, sweetheart. I quite like the blond one he is very-”

The message cut off and the automated voice asked you what you wanted to do with the message. All you could do was laugh, laugh and cry. You were still sad, still in pain, but it was already starting to feel less life-ending.

“Hey,” Shouta mumbled blearily, “S’okay. I’m here.”

He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close, trying to pull himself from sleep. You hugged him back and massaged the back of his scalp gently.

“Listen to this.” You sniffed.

He nodded and you pressed repeat, listening to the whole second message through again. You watched as a smile spread across his sleepy lips and he laughed softly. He pouted suddenly when it ended, his eyebrows pulling together as much as his drowsy state would let them.

“What?” you asked, worried he’d heard something you‘d missed.

“Why does she like Zash more?” he grumbled, barely awake now.

You smiled and curled into him, electing not to answer knowing that he wouldn’t like being told that Hizashi is more sociable than him. Besides, you smiled to yourself, he’d be asleep in a matter of seconds.

You were still hurt; you still had that big open wound in your chest. But with Shouta and Hizashi at your side you knew you’d heal; you knew they’d give you anything you needed. You knew that your grandmother was right, that these two boys loved you very much.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[aschlindartroom]

HAPPY BLURSDAY I LOVE YOU! Now, that I let out my primordial instincts, give me some more Martin please. A lot. Like, what's his history with Odette Marsh if you can talk about it, and how he reacts to his feelings towards Eckehart and how he became HIM. (I also just wanted to inform you that I was working on the Adran+Dane answer today and I'm STILL not done, so ugh, expect a very LONG run on that one.)

TIMI! I LOVE YOU TOO, HOMELICE!

So much of Martin's back story is big fat spoiler territory and is revealed in Book II, but here are the basics that are available from the get-go/what I CAN tell you.

THIS GOT VERY LONG. Under the cut.

Martin was born in Lower London's "Barrens," which is just about as house-less and impoverished as you can be in New London. His family eventually moved into Cobalt City, and he was raised exclusively by his mother after his father was killed in a food riot.

Martin's mother, no longer able to make ends meet, began working for the Golden Horn (one of the two crime organizations that basically run Lower London). The work she ended up doing for them is revealed in Book II, but it left her EXTREMELY sick.

It was only a matter of time before Martin became initiated into that life as well. To make extra money, he started running for the Golden Horn as early as 10, mostly as a messenger. What he most vividly remembers is when they would put him on "clean up"-- cleaning and disinfecting the basement surgical suites where failed implant surgeries took place. Lots of blood and piss and shit.

Blah blah blah SPOILER STUFF. TIME SKIP.

Martin, age 15, is living in Midtown and attending Midtown Academy. His mother is now dead and he is secretly under the patronage of Franklin Belks, COO of Schmidt & Foster, who has quasai-adopted him. The story is that Martin won the lottery into Midtown A (a few Lower Londoners of good status are chosen every year to attend), but it's pretty heavily implied that this isn't the case, or at least not the whole story.

He's always been a quiet, reserved sort of boy, but he is now ULTRA quiet and closed off. No one can dorm with him because he has night terrors and he seems to have difficulty eating. Plus, he has a sort of animal look to him-- like he's constantly on edge and waiting to pounce on someone. Fortunately, this is when he meets Odette Marsh.

Two years his senior, Odette is from a family of Victorville conservationists and is sort of a big shot at the Academy (mostly for the rumors surrounding her family-- that they are definitely not the saints they pretend to be). After LITERALLY fainting on Odette in the hallway, Odette takes Martin under her wing. She buys him nice clothes and teaches him etiquette (also, how to convincingly smile, which is a very funny scene I have yet to write). To be honest, this starts out as more of a game to Odette: see how much she can educate the Lower London "savage." But the more she gets to know Martin, the more she realizes how intelligent and capable he is, and develops a genuine brotherly affection for him.

TIME SKIP!

At 22, Martin graduates top of his class-- a successful student with a number of career prospects in politics. He is the polar opposite of who he was when he started at the academy 7 years before: highly charismatic, articulate, and just so, so devious. He's gained a reputation for absolutely RUINING people who piss him off. (There is definitely a side story in the works about Martin sneakily getting a boy expelled after he sexually assaults one of his classmates, despite the fact that the boy is the child of a very wealthy political figure. Another story about how he gets the shit kicked out of him by some shitheads and then proceeds to make every single one of their lives a living hell.) There's some altruism to what he does, but he DEFINITELY also enjoys the power of it. It's all for him at the end of the day.

In his youth, Hightower had skittered down the halls of Midtown Academy as a small, eccentric nobody. He had worn whatever he could afford, had endured the judgment of the rich and powerful who had looked down their noses at him—had allowed them their small indignities with silent, biblical rage. But by moonlight, Martin had schemed. He had carved a plan of action into his mind with knives, outlined in red all of the small ways that he would gladly break and bend himself for the luxury of a new life. He conceded to becoming a properly intimidating beast—a beast who had carved his teeth and claws from the bones of his lesser self, and who wore them with a pride that would turn the devil white.

Franklin Belks invites Martin to intern with him at Schmidt & Foster as part of their public relations team-- although "invites" probably isn't the right word. Martin accepts, REALLY pissing off Odette, who sees Franklin as a TRUE and ABSOLUTE asshole. They get into a monstrous fight. I think that, really, she was hoping Martin would join her in creating a more environmentally stable New London.

“‘Look out for yourself and help others when you can.’ That’s what you said. This is me, looking out for myself.” “I can help you.” “No, you can’t,” Martin said. “And even if you could, I wouldn’t want you to.” – “What do you think I’ve been studying for? To work at the Greenery? To become some low-paid civil servant, queueing up and taking orders like the rest of the ants?” Odette winced. “You used to be one of those ants, or have you forgotten already?” [...] "I won’t find my home in mediocrity. I won’t settle for a half-life. If I’m going to live any life at all, it won’t be at the end of someone’s leash.” “Don’t fool yourself,” Odette said. “You don’t mind being on a leash, so long as it’s lengthy and encrusted with jewels. Congratulations, yours even comes with a comfortable bed and an engraved kibble dish.”

Yeah, it didn't end well.

Martin works for Belks for almost a decade, and the two have formed a tentative familial relationship. They have a grand old time deceiving the public and making Schmidt & Foster even more successful than before. Martin is financially and psychologically secure a in a way he's never been in his life. Belks kind of feels like he has a son. Kind of.

And THEN, Elias Schmidt, the CEO of Schmidt & Foster, dies unexpectedly. Martin expects Belks to take the lead as CEO, but as it turns out, Elias has a son-- a son who has never been made public and has been living a normal life-- who is set to inherit the company.

That son is Eckehart Schmidt.

Now, this is sort of spoiler territory for Book II, but here's what you CAN know:

Martin almost immediately pledges his loyalty to Eckehart after Eckehart is initiated as CEO, after years of (seemingly satisfied) allegiance to Franklin Belks. He promises to assist Eckehart in his secret ambition: to dismantle Schmidt & Foster as the corporate monarchy it is, and allow the people to form a republic.

Why? Well, that's a good fucking question and if you find out the answer Eckehart would love to know. One of the big bits of intrigue in Book I is what the hell is happening in Martin's head when it comes to Eckehart, and why the 180-degree turn. This much is certain right from the start of Bird and Fish: Martin is IN LOVE with Eckehart. Like a lot. He was definitely interested and infatuated when they first met, but NOW-- now Martin is head over heels. He's willing to do just about anything to keep Eckehart safe and happy, even if it puts himself at risk. For Martin Hightower, grudge-holding hedonist bastard who delights in throwing his own power around, well... that's huge, and weird, and no one can quite pin down what the fuck is going on.

We get zero POV from him in Book I-- just a lot of Eckehart going "wtf is this guy doing and why is he looking at me like that." But in Book II, oh boy... there is A LOT that gets recontextualized.

ANYWAY HOLY FUCKING HELL THERE IT IS.

THAT'S A LOT.

HELP.

[davidmann95]

Sooo… Superman and the Authority?

magnus-king123 asked: Your thoughts on Superman & the authority Give it to me...lol

Anonymous asked: Seeing Bezos take his little trip into space the same day Morrison puts out a Superman comic that touches on how far we’ve fallen from the days when we dreamed of utopian futures where everyone explored the stars was a big gut punch. Not used to Superman being topical in that way.

Anonymous asked: What'd you think of Superman and the Authority#1?

This is far beyond what I can fit in the normal weekly reviews, so taking this as my notes on the first six pages, with this and this as my major lead-in thoughts:

* Janin's such a perfect fit for Morrison - the scale, the power, the facial expressions selling the character work, the screwing around with the panel formatting as necessary to sell the effect, the numinous sense of things going on larger than you can fully perceive amidst the beauty and chaos. It's a shame he wasn't around 25 years ago to draw JLA, but I'll take him going with Morrison onto other future projects.

* His intro action sequence is such a great demonstration of why Black actually does have something to offer, and also how he's such a dumbass desperately needing Superman to save him from himself.

* While Jordie Bellaire didn't legit go with an entirely monochromatic palate the way early previews suggested, it's still an effect frequently and excellently deployed here. And glad to see Steve Wands carry into this from Blackstars since there's such an obvious carryover from its work with Superman.

* "Gentlemen. Ladies. Others." Great both because of the obvious - hey, Superman's nodding at me! - and because it's a phrasing that reinforces that this take on him (and let's be real Morrison) is old as hell.

* I'm mostly past caring about whether this is an alt-Earth Superman until it becomes indisputable one way or another, this and Action both rule so what does it really matter? But while there are still a couple signs in play suggesting some kind of division (the Action Comics #1036 cover, Midnighter up to time-travel shenanigans) the "lost in time" quote clearly thrown in after the fact to explain how he could have met Kennedy outside of 5G that wouldn't be necessary for an Elseworlds, the assorted gestures towards Superman's current status quo, the Kingdom Come symbol appearing in Action, and that Morrison would have had to completely rewrite the ending if this wasn't supposed to be 'the' version of Clark Kent going forward as was the intent when they first planned it all say to me that no, no fooling around, this is our guy going forward one way or another.

* Janin and Bellaire making the first version of the crystal Fortress ever that actually looks as cool as you want it to.

Anonymous asked: I like that Superman and The Authority is basically the anti-All-Star; instead of the laid back, immortal Superman who is supercharged, we have a stressed, ageing Superman whose tremendous powers are fading. The former will always be there to save us, but the latter is running out of time and needs to pull off a Hail Mary. Also, he mentions in his monologue to Black that he was "lost in time" when he met JFK, so maybe he is the main continuity Clark. Or he's the t-shirt Supes from Sideways.

* You're absolutely right - the power reversal is obvious and the ticking clock in play seemingly isn't for his own survival but everyone around him as he wakes up and realizes all the old icons grew complacent with the gains they'd made and he's not leaving behind the world he meant to. Both, however, are built on the idea of preparing the world to not need them anymore - it'll still have a Superman in his son, but that'll only work because of the others he empowers and inspires. The question is what happens to Clark if he's not going to live in the sun for 83000 years.

* Clark's 'exercise' here does more to sell me on the idea of Old Man Superman as a cool idea than however many decades of Earth 2 stuff.

* Intergang being noted alongside Darkseid and Doomsday speaks to how much Kirby informed Morrison's conception of Superman.

* This isn't exactly the most progressive in its disability politics but at least it makes clear Black's being a piece of shit about it.

* It's startling how much Clark can get away with saying stuff in here you'd never expect to come out of Superman's mouth. "I made an executive decision" "Privacy, really...?" "You have nowhere to go, Black. Nothing to live for." "There are few people in my life who I instinctively and viscerally dislike, and you've always been one of them." It only works because there's zero aggression behind it, he's just past the point of niceties and being totally frank while making clear none of these assessments preclude that he cares and is going to unconditionally do the right thing every time. He is absolutely, per Morrison, humanity's dad picking us up when we're too drunk to drive ourselves home.

* The story doesn't put a big flashing light over it, but it's not even a little bit subtle having the material threat of the issue be a ticking timebomb left by the carelessness and hubris of generations past.

* Manchester keeps trying to poke the bear and prove his hot takes about Superman and it's just not working. The front he put up under Kelley is gone after decades of defeats, and as Morrison understands what actually conceptually works about him as a rival to Superman underneath the aging nerd paranoia he's exposed as what he absolutely would be in 2021: a dude with a horrific terminal case of Twitter brainworms. I was PANICKED when I heard there was an 'offensive term' joke in this, I was braced for Morrison at their well-meaning worst, but it's such a goddamn perfect encapsulation of a very specific breed of Twitter leftist who uses their politics first and foremost as a cudgel and justification to label their abrasive, judgmental shittiness as self-righteousness (plus it's a killer payoff to a joke from way back in his original appearance). Cannot believe they pulled that off when they're so very, very open about basically not knowing how the internet works.

* @charlottefinn: Manchester Black using his telekinetic powers to force someone he hates to fave a problematic tweet so that he can screenshot it and start a dogpile

@intergalactic-zoo: “Once they cancel Bibbo, Superman won’t be *anyone’s* fav’rit anymore!”

* Friend noted this issue had to be fully the conversation because the whole premise stands on the house of cards of these two somehow working together, and with three 'silent' inset panels the creative team pulls off that turning point.

* So much of this feels on the surface like Morrison bringing back the All-Star vibes with Clark, but when he drops a "That's all you got?" in a brawl you realize what's underlining that bluntness and confidence in the face of failure is that deep down this is still the Action guy too. This dude ain't gonna get wrecked in his Fortress while the other guy chuckles about him being A SOFT WEE SCIENTIST'S SON!

* Bringing up Jor-El made me realize that Morrison already spelled out that this is the final threat to Superman, what he faces at the end of the road:

"Now it's your turn, Superman."

* A l'il Superman 2000/All-Star reference with the Phantom Zone map!

* There's so much intertextuality going on here even by Morrison standards - Change or Die with the old hero putting together a team of morally nebulous folks out to 'fix' everything, Flex Mentallo with the muscleman trying to redeem the punk, Doomsday Clock with the fate of the world hinging on whether Superman can get through to a meta stand-in for an idea of 'modern' comics cynicism, DKR and New Frontier and Kingdom Come and Multiversity and Seven Soldiers and What's So Funny and All-Star and Action and the last 5 years of monthly Superman comics and Authority and probably Jupiter's Legacy and Tom Strong - but none of that's needed. You could go in with the baseline pop cultural understanding of the character and not care about any of the inside baseball shit and get that this is a story about a leader of a generation that let down the people they made all their grand promises to as inertia and day-to-day demands and complacency let him be satisfied with the accomplishments they'd made long ago, looking at a new era and seeing the ways its own activists are dropping the ball. The only thing that fundamentally matters in a "you have to accept you're reading a superhero story" sense is that because he's Superman he's willing to own up to it and listen to people who might know better about some things and try to set things right while he and those who'll take his place still have a chance. And yes, the oldster looking back on their legacy with a skeptical eye and hoping for better from the next generation, hoping most of all that their little heir apparent can fulfill the promise inside of him instead of being a provocating little shitkicker, is obviously also autobiographical.

* The overlaying Kennedy reprisal is such a great visual of a sudden intrusive thought.

* The Kryptonite secret is the obvious "This is going to matter!" moment, but "He lied about his son" is a bit that doesn't connect to anything going on right now so maybe that's important here too? More significantly, the Justice League can't actually be the villains here but that Ultra-Humanite's crew are in an Earth-orbiting satellite makes pretty clear what's up.

* I've said before that between Superman, OMAC, and a New Gods-affiliated speedster this was going to use all of Morrison's favorite things. King Arthur playing a role isn't exactly dissuading me.

* Love the idea that all the antiheroes have their own community in the same way as the capes and tights crew. They definitely all privately think the rest are posers though and that they alone are Garth Ennis Punisher in a mob of Garth Ennis Wolverines.

* Manchester's fallen so far he's gone from trying to convince Superman to kill to convince him to dunk on people for their bad takes and Clark just doesn't get it. Official prediction of dialogue for upcoming issues:

"According to these bloody Fortress scans, the only thing that can restore your powers is an unfiltered hit of dopamine. Don't worry, Doctor Black has a few ideas."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll plant a nice tree?"

"...fuck you."

* Ok I already talked about how great the Fortress looks in here but LOVE this library.

* A pair of pages this seems like the right spot to discuss from Black's original appearance that underlines both his and Superman's inadequacies up to this point:

Responding to the problem of "the government and penal system are hopelessly corrupt" neither of them has any actual notion of what to do about it in spite of their respective posturing beyond how to handle individual outside actors - each is in their own way every bit as small-minded and reactionary as the other. Clark's coming around though, and he's holding out hope for the other guy.

* Superman: Have a lovely mineral water :) proper hydration is important :)

Manchester Black: *Is a dude who can get so mad he vomits and passes out. At water.*

* That last page is the one to beat for the year, and does more to put over the idea of this as an Authority book than that Midnighter and Apollo are literally going to show up. It also feels like Morrison tacitly acknowledging all the ways the premise could go or at least be received wrong - from Superman saying 'enough is enough' to who he's bringing into the fold to go about it - in the most beautifully on-the-nose fashion imaginable. Maybe they'll save us all! Or maybe they'll drown us in their vomit.

[curioskitty]

THE・Rarest Bakugou

Given Bakugou-kun's description as a "juvenile delinquent" (Horikoshi sensei uses the term 不良少年, or furyou shounen, meaning juvenile delinquent boy), it's expected that he wouldn't conform to standard. So obviously, it's not possible to find Bakugou-kun wearing a tie properly................

What is up with this perfectly tied nonsense right here?!

Bakugou-kun, I thought I knew you!!! THE LIES! THE BETRAYAL!!!

But, it's probably just a fluke. You didn't mean it, right Horikoshi-sensei?

WTF?! WHY?!!! Horikoshi-sensei?!

Yep. Contrary to expectations, Bakugou-kun wearing a tie correctly only ranks at Ultra Rare status: difficult to find, but not impossible.

So, what's rarer than a tie-wearing Bakugou-kun? Go Beyond, Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In fact, it's even harder to find Bakugou-kun wearing a tie improperly. Given proto-Bakugou's loose tie design, I would have expected that to be the likelier delinquent-esque tie option. But I've only seen Horikoshi-sensei draw him like this once:

(Horikoshi-sensei's one year celebration illustration. This is still fairly early in the publication.)

On top of that, Bakugou-kun consistently wears his uniform tie-less and with at least one button undone on his shirt collar. His pants are always slung low on his hips and legs bunching up at his feet (except when he had to wear jeans for Best Jeanist). You can even see panels where Horikoshi-sensei drew in the rips at the hems near the heel where they drag on the ground.

So why the inconsistency, Horikoshi-sensei? I see you over there, stop pretending you didn't notice. I know you're paying attention.

Horikoshi-sensei gave proto-Bakugou a loosened tie, so what is the reasoning for taking Bakugou-kun's tie away?

Some No-Tie Theories

Fan Theory #1: HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW

//Like Midoriya-kun, Bakugou-kun came from a middle school with gakuran uniforms. They never learned how to tie them. Midoriya-kun messes up his tie, while Bakugou-kun doesn't even bother to try.//

I actually think this is the least likely reason. Bakugou-kun was designed to be a naturally talented genius. I think this applies to anything he wants to do. If he does something, it's always perfectly done.

Bakugou-kun can (and does if you look above) tie it perfectly when necessary.

CONCLUSION: If Bakugou-kun doesn't do something, it's completely out of personal preference or because he doesn't see a reason to.

Fan Theory #2: REBELLIOUS NATURE

//Bakugou-kun is a delinquent and maintains that image because he thinks it looks cool. Or maybe he is rebelling against fashion designer parents. Either way, because of his family background he knows how to tie a tie, but wants to be a rebel.//

I'd give partial points for this one. I'm pretty sure he wears his pants loose at least partially because he thinks it looks cool. However, Bakugou-kun's parents were noted to be designers and not specifically fashion designers.

Despite appearances, this is the kid that sleeps at 8:30pm, doesn't break school rules, and yells at his friends for smoking.

He zips up the collar on his gym track suit all the way. Both the summer and winter versions get the same treatment. He doesn't feel the need to "make a statement" by wearing his track uniform incorrectly. Outside of class, he can and does sometimes wear his track jacket unzipped, but during class he always wears it properly.

So then why does Bakugou-kun refuse to wear the band T-shirt and Christmas party Santa outfit? Because he isn't cooperative. In Ultra Analysis, his Cooperativeness Stat was the lowest rank: E.

CONCLUSION: Bakugou-kun may be non-conformist and uncooperative, but he isn't a rebel.

Fan Theory #3: TRAUMA/PTSD

//This is one of the more popular theories. Between Dabi grabbing his neck, the Sludge Villain and being restrained at the School Festival, our boy has been through the wringer. As a result, he just doesn't like stuff around his neck because it gives him anxiety.//

The Western Fandom is definitely concerned about the mental health of the kids. But I don't actually think this is the reason. Not that I don't think they all need some therapy and self care, especially right now, but there just isn't evidence for this specific trauma in Bakugou-kun.

He wears scarves and even turtle necks without a problem.

On top of that, Bakugou-kun ALSO unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and gakuran in middle school; even from before the Sludge Villain incident. There isn't any evidence Bakugou-kun changed his dressing habits due to trauma. He wore a scarf to the entrance exam for UA, too.

CONCLUSION: Bakugou-kun has ALWAYS worn his shirts with the top button unbuttoned.

These 3 theories are inadequate, too. Even if they did explain the reasons Bakugou-kun doesn't wear a uniform tie, they don't factor in the reasoning for why he DOES wear his other ties properly sometimes.

HC#1: Bakugou-kun's preference

Bakugou-kun doesn't seem to care about his image and how "extras" see him. Even during the press interviews after his hero debut, he wore the same style of open collar look. He's not shy about being nude or taking his shirt off.

But what he hates is being uncomfortable.

He is "explosively brawny". Just look at how thick Bakugou-kun's neck is when compared to Midoriya-kun's. It isn't just that Midoriya-kun is supposed to be scrawny, but also that Bakugou-kun has a thicker than average neck.

Bakugou-kun doesn't like to button up his shirts all the way because it's uncomfortable. It's reasonable that he zips his track suit and everything else up because those are looser at the neck or made of stretchier materials.

As for why he doesn't wear the uniform tie at all... Don't forget Bakugou-kun is a perfectionist and a bit of a neat freak.

He always tucks his shirt in. For the band performance he wore a collared black dress shirt. From what we saw of his room, it's minimalist and clean. I don't see him wanting to look like a slob.

A sloppy loose tie would probably irritate him more than just not wearing it (which is even funnier when you think about Midoriya-kun's chonk tie. It probably makes him want to strangle Midoriya-kun, or maybe just tie it himself...)

Bakugou-kun has difficulties compromising when it comes to his high standards. So if he has to wear it, it's going to be either 0% or 100%.

HC#2: Explosiveness

Why draw Bakugou-kun with either 0% tie or 100% tie? If Horikoshi-sensei is going for a delinquent image, wouldn't the 50% tie option make more sense?

Taking a look again at Bakugou-kun's profile page, Horikoshi-sensei describes him to be explosive in every way. That includes his whole body being "explosively brawny", but also adds a note that he looks slender in clothes.

Horikoshi-sensei put an effort to make every element of Bakugou-kun's character in some state of either fully compressed or explosive.

His slimming clothes, general appearance and even his speech patterns are highly compressed (blunt/terse) and loud. The extremes of his attitude are compressed too; if Bakugou-kun is not loudly raging, then he's quietly observing.

This contrast is key to his character. You can't explode if you aren't compressed first. It's supposed to be shocking to see how brawny he actually is under his slenderizing clothes. And I always feel shocked whenever I see this kid compressed into a tie.

HC#3: Deku & Kacchan

These two are set apart from the class by design and very much on purpose. Horikoshi-sensei designed them to be at opposite ends of the same spectrum.

If Bakugou-kun has muscular arms, then Midoriya-kun needs muscular legs. If Midoriya-kun buttons up his shirt all the way to the collar, then Bakugou-kun's collar has to be loose. Their designs reflect their connection.

So if Midoriya-kun has a poorly tied tie, the opposite of that is either non-existant or perfectly tied. If it's perfectly tied, he'd just blend in with the class.

The no-tie option just makes more sense.

Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou

Horikoshi-sensei only ever draws Bakugou-kun with a tie in specific scenarios. Costume events that require the neck tie as part of the costume or "fancy" events where everyone is in formal wear. And even in those, Bakugou-kun manages to not wear his tie 90% of the time.

So, I just imagine that when Horikoshi-sensei makes Bakugou-kun wear his tie, he's super grumpy! Just look at his face in every illustration he's wearing a tie in. He's probably hot, uncomfortable, and really not enjoying himself at all.

Ultimately, the "Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou" is a Bakugou-kun who wears the tie and SMILES while doing it.

(Yes, I know that's NOT actually a tie. Shut up Bakugou-kun. You're only smirking in this one because you won the Popularity Poll for the 5th time in a row...)

(Well that's random, you say? Welcome to my blog. Considering the stuff going down on canon, I figured I should give fans, and myself, a break from angst to talk about something silly.

Please note that this applies only to the manga. I've found that the anime isn't quite so strict about how Bakugou-kun looks.

Regarding the headcanons, I just want to clarify that everyone is free to think whatever they like. I enjoy all headcanons and support your right to have them.

I wrote this a while ago and then debated posting it because it's such a huge meta about... Bakugou-kun's tie. I had regrets. But now it's become my new years post. Regrets were for 2020, it's already 2021!

Demons out, fortune in!!! I know it's not setsubun for another month, but 2020 was such a demon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!)

[hopelesshawks]

Official Accounts Part 27- Think Fast

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

Warnings for alcohol and recreational drug use

Masterlist

Hawks watches somewhat apprehensively as you put solo cups, mixers, and multiple handles of hard liquor out on your counter. “You look more terrified right now than I’ve ever seen you before facing a villain,” you point out. “I trained my whole life to fight villains. This is new. How many people did you invite?” He asks incredulously. “Just the Baddies,” you shrug. “All this is for just seven people?” “Technically all this and more, Kacchan’s bringing beer and Mina’s bringing white claws. Don’t worry we won’t finish it all!” you assure him before briefly pausing. “We probably won’t finish it all,” you correct yourself. At seeing the continued hesitation in Hawks’ face you stop your preparations for a moment and turn to him. “Hey I can call this whole thing off if you want,” you offer, but he shakes his head. “No, no don’t do that. Beneath the nerves I’m excited I promise. Plus what would people think if the great Hawks chickened out of a simple little party?” “I’m more worried about Keigo right now than Hawks.” “Keigo will also be fine.” “Ok, but you are more than welcome to stop drinking whenever. We won’t pressure you to get drunk if you don’t want to.” “I am older than you, yknow. You don’t have to baby me.” “Older yes but I, dear Keigo, am the more experienced and wiser one here.” “Well then, oh wise one, why don’t you show me the proper way to take tequila shots.” “I’ll grab the limes.”

You and Keigo might have gotten the tiniest bit carried away with your pregame so by the time the rest of your friends come knocking at your door you’ve already got a buzz going. As you swing the door open Denki and Mina are grinning back at you, Denki with an impressive bag of weed and Mina with the promised white claws, as the other three wave from behind them. “Let’s get fucking plus ultra in this bitch!” Mina yells and the rest of you reply with similar enthusiasm as you usher everyone inside. “Hawks and I already started so you guys have to catch up,” you tell them as you unlock your phone and toss it to Kirishima to pick the music.

At the start of the night you made a point to stick close to Keigo so he’d always have a familiar face to rely on if he got overwhelmed or didn’t feel like talking anymore, but as the drinks kept flowing you were delighted to find he seemed to be doing just fine on his own. In fact, Denki genuinely seemed keen on getting to know him more and the rest of your friends were just as welcoming. Soon it felt just like any of you all’s usual hangs and it wasn’t much longer after that that everyone was properly drunk. Soon Mina had somehow convinced Bakugo and Kirishima to back her up in an impromptu round of karaoke while Shinso and Hawks watched on from the sidelines. Denki sidles up next to you, throwing one arm around your shoulder while holding a perfectly rolled joint in his free hand. “Shall we head to the balcony?” he asks with a grin. You throw one more glance Hawks’ way to double check he’s doing well and when you see him burst into laughter as Bakugo and Mina fight over something inane, you feel something warm spark in your chest. “We shall,” you confirm before letting him guide you over to the glass door and opening it with a flourish.

There’s a chill in the air but the alcohol flowing through your veins means you barely feel it as you step onto the balcony and lean across the railing, Denki joining you as he pulls a lighter from his pocket. He places the joint in his mouth and then lights it with the kind of ease that comes from experience before taking a large hit and passing it to you. The two of you pass the joint back and forth a few times before Denki finally speaks up. “So how’s the little arrangement going so far?” he asks. “Better than expected to be honest.” “Have you guys talked about what happened yet?” “Not explicitly. He told me... a lot... about his past so I kinda get it now? but not about the night it went to shit.” Denki hums in acknowledgment. “How are you doing in general after everything that happened?” he asks. “I’m fine Denki.” “(Y/n)...” “I mean it. Don’t worry about little ol me.” “I’ll always worry about you.” “And I, you. Now stop killing the vibe. This is supposed to be a party remember?” Denki laughs at that as you move to sit on the railing of the balcony.

Keigo has to admit he’s pleasantly surprised by how tonight is going. He had worried about dropping into the middle of your friend group and spending the whole night feeling like an intruder but instead all of you have welcomed him with open arms in spite of everything. Between that and the alcohol he’s feeling more uninhibited now than he ever has his entire life. “I should’ve done this sooner,” he declares as he takes another sip from his solo cup. Next to him Shinso laughs, “damn right you should’ve.”

“Hey Kacchan!!” he suddenly hears you call. When he looks over he notices you sitting on the railing of the balcony. That can’t be safe, you have to be at least as drunk as he is and the joint you’d been sharing with Denki has burned pretty low so you’re definitely high too. “Think fast!” you shout and then you’re letting go and leaning backwards until you’re falling, the bright grin on your face never faltering. The blood in Hawks’ veins runs cold as he watches you disappear from sight. The muscles in his back twitch on instinct but barely any of his feathers have grown back yet so he. can’t. save. you. He can’t save you and he’s starting to panic when he notices Bakugo launching himself over the railing, the sound of explosions loud in the quiet night. Hawks jumps as he feels a hand land on his shoulder and turns to find Shinso giving him a reassuring smile. “Sorry should’ve warned you. She does that a lot, especially when she’s drunk,” Shinso tells him. “What? Falls off buildings?” “Yea pretty much.” “What?” “It’s a trust thing. The first time she did it was to prove a point. She knew he’d catch her. Now I think she just likes the feeling of falling while crossed.”

Bakugo reappears over the balcony with you giggling on his back completely unharmed and Hawks releases a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “That’s a lot of trust. When’d she start doing that?” Hawks asks. “I’m actually not sure,” Shinso replies, “yo Mina!” “What?” “What year did (y/n) start the whole ‘think fast’ thing? Second or third?” Mina walks over to join the conversation, plopping down next to Shinso. “Uhh I think it was third year after they started dating” she says. Shinso shoots her a look and elbows her but it’s too late. “They dated?” Hawks asks. Mina’s eyes widen in realization but it’s too late to take it back so she instead says “I’m gonna get more to drink!” and jets back off to the kitchen. Shinso rolls his eyes. “Yea, they did. In the end they decided they were better off as friends though, especially because Bakugo was a lot less mature then.” “That’s why she gets away with calling him Kacchan.” “Yea, probably. That was years ago now though, I don’t think anything’s happened between them since. I wouldn’t worry about it,” Shinso assures him before excusing himself to go talk to Denki.

Hawks knows it’s not his place but he can’t help but feel jealous now watching you tease Bakugo about getting slower as he lectures you on being an idiot. “I’m not an idiot!” you pout. “What else would you call someone that intentionally falls off a building?” he seethes. “Was there any chance you would have let me hit the ground?” “Obviously not, dumbass.” “Well there you go! Perfectly safe!” Bakugo sputters, his cheeks reddening, before finally grumbling “I’m getting another drink,” before walking away. This only makes you laugh harder. “Love you Kacchan,” you tease after him. “Fuck you!” he shouts back.

He’s one of your best friends. He’s one of your best friends. He’s one of your best friends. The phrase plays on a loop in Keigo’s head in a desperate attempt to quash the jealousy burning through his chest but he can’t help it. How long had the two of you dated? “Longer than the two of you did,” his brain unhelpfully supplies. His thoughts are interrupted when Kirishima drops down next to him with two beer cans in hand. “You look like you’re pretty deep in your head and (y/n) would kill me if I let you stay that way. Ever shotgunned a beer before?” Kirishima asks. “I didn’t realize I was that easy to read,” Hawks says as he takes one of the offered beers. “Typically you’re not. Watching you in action? You’re totally inscrutable dude, it’s super manly! But when you’re with friends you shouldn’t have to worry about that. Anyway, let’s not talk heavy shit man, am I teaching you to shotgun or not?” “Fuck it, why not.” “That’s the spirit!”

The party eventually reaches its natural conclusion as exhaustion starts to overtake even the effects of alcohol. Not to mention, your friends are keenly aware that unlike you and Hawks they actually have to get up and be out for work tomorrow. Hawks isn’t surprised when you give each of your friends a tight hug goodbye. He is surprised when the same offer is extended to him. It’s almost scary how perceptive your friends can be. When Mina’s hands get a little too close to where his wings should be he can’t help but flinch and immediately she adjusts. The rest of your friends make a point to avoid the area. Bakugo and Kirishima are the last to leave and it takes everything in Hawks not to let his jealousy show as you hug Bakugo goodbye. He’s once again shocked when Bakugo goes to hug him but he soon realizes that it’s not necessarily done to be friendly. “Take good fucking care of her bird brain. Cause if you don’t? I will,” he whispers harshly. As the two pull away from each other their eyes lock in a silent challenge until Kirishima calls from the hallway “Bakubro let’s go! Taxi’s here!” “I’m coming Shitty Hair relax!” he shouts back before finally breaking eye contact and heading out the door with one final wave in your direction.

Author’s Note: The party was honestly pretty built around the “think fast” scene. Once that idea came to mind it refused to leave. The Bakugo stuff well 👀 what can I say I like ✨drama✨ also I felt a little bad that Bird Boy stole the fic I was gonna write for Bakugo from him. Originally I was gonna have Hawks’ jealousy be unfounded but then I saw an opportunity and decided to run with it oops

Taglist [open]: @cathy8taffy @katzurras @grumpyfroggies @captaincyberqueen @itskindofafairything @420-uwu @someweirdshitman @oliviasslut @the-adzukibean @a-fucking-sero-kinnie @ladyzayismultifandom

[fivekrystalpetals]

lady nagant would have been cool if only hrks didn’t attach her to such a loaded backstory after the hpsc already fell. what would you have wanted for her character?

tbvh I never really got attached to Lady Nagant but I was willing to give her a chance after seeing the split second of humanity when she stopped to release someone (Overhaul) from their cell while others were busy fleeing.

I think I would have preferred a scenario like this post says—or vigilante-turned-villain Lady Nagant or something similar to Twice’s backstory—a minor mistake in her teenage years led to her life going from bad to worse and finally ending up in Tartarus.

Even the whole connection to HPSC could have been plausible had it been handled well. For that, she should have been referred to at least once before by Hawks around the same time he was introduced or by Snipe (in a passing comment like: there is someone so much more skilled in sniping than me but I am not allowed to talk about her/them) and introduced before HPSC fell (as you say).

I was okay with her quirk (a quirk that can supposedly be used only for ‘villainy’) and her being scouted by AFO on her way out. But the whole stunt of her (she is one of the very experienced fighters from HPSC) being defeated so easily by Deku/ saved by Hawks with his sheer optimism etc. etc. added nothing to the story. Instead, had she joined the League and remained with them for the rest of the series, it could have been a real power boost (esp. now that they are missing a lot of members) and she might even have acted as a glue for the members to stick together in spite of AFO’s brainwashing (since she seems to have dealt with him in the past).

The League really really needs someone experienced in dealing with heroes, someone with inside knowledge, an excellent fighter and sane. She fits all the bills—whereas AFO seems more and more like a waste of panels rn. (Did he lie about his intelligence stats in his ultra-analysis sheet?)

Oh, and a very controversial idea perhaps, but I wanted to see more of Overhaul. Like, say he makes a temporary truce with the League (till he makes contact with his Boss or something and because he has nowhere to go anyway) and in turn, he offers to use his quirk to heal them (in the immediate aftermath of the War Arc where everyone on the villain side too were in need of medical help) and work toward his mini-redemption? No, I definitely don’t want him to go anywhere near Eri again but... I don’t know how to feel about his connection to the old Boss who took him in and raised him. Is that thread gonna hang there just like that or will it be resolved?

Either way, LN and Overhaul could have made an interesting duo as well (no, I don’t ship them but HK does ig lol) and just the news that these two have joined the League could have foiled all of the Heroes’ contingency plans and raised the stakes higher. Plus, made the story more nail-bitingly exciting as we move to the finale.

Also, also—I wanted her to meet Dabi and Spinner. A hero turned against the HPSC and one who regrets her corrupt activities could have intrigued them a lot and a team up with Dabi (since he is the only other long-range fighter on the team) would be terrific. She could have filled the shoes of Dad!Compress temporarily lol.

All in all, bringing her in for some three chapters feels like a waste of what could have been an amazing character even if introduced late in the story.

[bnhaven]

A Potential ‘Hidden Quirk’ Idea

To begin: I am so sorry. Truly. I swore I’d be a writer of fluff, and yet here we are...again...whoops.

Anyways, let’s get on with it! 

So, if there’s one thing we love about our innocent cinnamon roll of a boy, aka Izuku “Deku” Midoriya, it’s that he’s willing to go beyond (plus ultra style) in order to save the day, even going so far as to break his bones to the point of disfiguration. Adrenaline helps him fight through the pain, and even then I’ve heard a lot of people talk about his insanely high pain tolerance.

Like, ridiculously high. I mean, the Overhaul fight??? Where Izuku just destroys himself so that Eri doesn’t Rewind him out of existence? Wild. It’s like, unimaginable. Even with the decade of bullying to get used to pain, it’s almost unreal for the green bean to be able to push through so much naturally.

Which is where I say: what if it wasn’t natural?

Look, some Quirks are probably hidden ones. Ones that you can’t immediately see, ones that aren’t emitter types. Quirks that just affect the wielder, not anyone else. Like Nedzu’s High Spec, for example. But what’s another Quirk that no one would be able to see?

One that negates pain. 

Now, I don’t think that Izuku would have always had this Quirk. I think it’s one that needed the right conditions to form. Like, let’s say...a really hard punch, something with an almost explosive force.

Lucky for Izuku, he has a classmate with a very painful Quirk, and a penchant for using it on those he deems weaker or lesser. Thus, when the bullying started, Izuku’s Quirk finally kicked in after one hit went too far.

The Issue: Nobody realizes that Izuku got his Quirk. Not even Izuku realizes it. Why? Well, Izuku thinks it’s just a high pain tolerance. He still feels Bakugou striking him, he just...doesn’t feel much else. He knows that he feels pressure, so he must have just gotten used to Bakugou’s hits. (And with all of the burn scars that Izuku is gaining, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s lost some nerve endings due to the damage.)

And Izuku would definitely have burn scars in this AU (I’m not really sure if canon gives him said scars, I’ve done more reading for this fandom than watching, oops.) But no matter what happens in canon, this Izuku would have burn scars for one reason: Since Izuku doesn’t feel pain, he doesn’t cry out. Since he doesn’t cry out, Bakugou thinks his explosions aren’t strong enough to hurt...so the boy uses stronger blasts in an attempt to prove his ‘point’. (There is definitely an inferiority complex going on here, where Bakugou subconsciously worries that his Quirk is weak if ‘Quirkless Deku can stand there and take one of my hits without a single flinch’.) He pushes himself harder, lets more force into every controlled blast, etc.

So Izuku has no clue that he has a Quirk, Bakugou uses crazy amounts of explosions on the boy, neither realizing just how much damage is happening because Izuku can’t feel any pain.

Canon continues. The Sludge Villain stuff goes as usual, and All Might chooses Izuku as his successor just like always. The training montage from hell might actually be more self-destructive, not only because Izuku feels the need to catch up but also because he doesn’t feel so exhausted/sore. (Along with pain, the boy also doesn’t really feel when his muscles and body are sore, so he doesn’t realize he needs to take a breather.) But that isn’t the focus, so let’s move on!

The Entrance Exam occurs, and wow that really should have clued someone in. Because Izuku breaks his limbs for Uraraka and when he hits the ground, instead of dragging himself away he tries to stand up. He actually manages to find a 3-pointer, and breaks two more of his fingers by flicking in its direction, destroying it with a gust of air before he collapses to the ground.

But wow, everyone is just like ‘this boy is wild’ before completely forgetting about how they heard his bones crunching with every step. 

Continue on. 

Quirk Apprehension Test? Izuku doesn’t really get why Aizawa is complaining about how he shatters himself. Like, he doesn’t need to stop just because his arm is apparently broken. It’s fine, he can still use it. Still, he settles on breaking a single finger because he can’t risk expulsion, and he definitely doesn’t have the courage to talk back to a teacher. 

Hero v. Villain Fight? Izuku doesn’t even collapse after the final blast, instead walking off without batting an eyelash. Iida ends up corralling him to Recovery Girl’s room, because first Izuku protested having to leave without getting to watch the other teams, then he got distracted by the school and nearly got lost.

USJ? Izuku goes a little more feral, fun times.

Sports Festival? Oh honey you know things are going to get wild here. Broken bones left and right, yeehaw it’s shatter city baby!

Izuku ends up with even less self-preservation with every passing problem, basically. Since the boy can’t feel pain, he assumes that any injury that he does get isn’t that bad. After all, wouldn’t he be crying and, you know, hurting if it was bad? Izuku knows what pain feels like, and this isn’t it!!

It’s only the realization that breaking bones so often could end his career early that causes Izuku to try new approaches to the whole Quirk-using situation. Even then, the boy has no sense of when to stop, and as such pushes himself to the point of passing out from either exhaustion or blood loss multiple times.

-One such time was after getting impaled. The boy didn’t realize he had a broken pole halfway through his back until Kaminari screamed and passed out from seeing Izuku bleeding, a giant rod jabbing out of him. Izuku tried to shrug it off.

Sometime around the impalation incident, people begin to notice that Izuku has a freaky high pain tolerance. 

But nobody really connects the dots until Bakugou goes too far in training.

The bad news: his opponent loses a limb.

The good news: It is Shouji, and it’s one of the regrowable ones.

The bad news: the following dialogue occurs after school…

Bakugou: What the fuck? But that’s barely anything!

Aizawa: Bakugou. That explosion had enough force to sever your classmate’s hand off of his limb due to how you directed it. You should know to limit yourself by now.

Bakugou: But I was! That one is so weak that even Deku can walk away without flinching! 

Aizawa: There is no way that Midoriya would be able to move on without needing medical attention after a hit that bad.

Bakugou: He has.

Aizawa: ...I beg your pardon?

Bakugou: Deku fucking has! How do you think I learned my limits, huh? Deku has taken a hit like that directly to the chest and didn’t even flinch! I know how weak I am!

Needless to say, Aizawa proceeds to lose his absolute shit. He makes Izuku stay after class the next day, and questions him about whether or not Bakugou has ever used his Quirk on him. 

Izuku, a boy who is unafraid of breaking three limbs to save a girl from a giant robot, but who is terrified of teachers most of the time, cracks without too much pressure. He admits that Bakugou has used his Quirk on Izuku for years, but ‘It wasn’t bad, sensei! They were like love taps, I never even felt a thing!’

And Aizawa knows something is wrong with this, something isn’t adding up because if Shouji lost a limb to Bakugou’s hit, Izuku has to be lying...or there’s another factor in this equation.

Aizawa dismisses Izuku, and spends the night trying to figure it out.

And then he does.

The next day, he makes Bakugou and Izuku stay in the classroom during lunch. He questions them on their past. Bakugou complains about how ‘weak’ he’s always been, Izuku brushes past the concern without much thought because it never hurt, and sure there were markings but-

Aizawa: Markings?

The scars are revealed. Well, the ones on his upper body.

This is when Bakugou begins to realize that he’s fucked up.

During training, Aizawa pulls Bakugou and Izuku off to work with him separately. He

brings out machines that test how much force a blow gives off, and has Bakugou throw his ‘weak’ explosions at them.

As it turns out, Izuku should have been in crippling pain from everything Bakugou did. And then Aizawa drops the ‘I think you have a pain-related Quirk’ on Izuku, and yeah.

I didn’t really plan an end, sorry. I just think it’d be interesting, you know?

On the bright side, at least Izuku isn’t constantly in pain!!! He just got his body a whole lot more damaged than he would have, and has maybe half of the self-preservation that his canon counterpart possesses.

Finally, for an extra bit: Izuku only feels pain when Aizawa erases his Quirk. It’s not pleasant. (And, to make him even more oblivious, Izuku believes that the pain is because his Quirk is being ‘severed’ in its connection, not that this is lingering pain that comes from having bones shattered over and over without hesitation.)

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Chapter 6! And I’m at 70 followers already, which is hella hype, thank y’all for taking your time to read my rambling about all this stuff. Don’t feel shy to ask questions or whatever if you like; even if I can be a bit disjointed, it’s something fun to talk about, and as I get further in I can even get a better sense of how to answer them to the best of my knowledge.

Also, can I say I love this little intro profile to Izuku?

All the little tidbits about him are just so fitting! Though my one weird take on it is why it says his quirk is ‘TBD’... unless Hori was already planning for the developments to come from the Joint Training Arc and beyond. Or maybe just leaving himself room for those kinds of developments if he wasn’t quite set yet? 

Still, I think this was still the time period where Hori was thinking it was going to end after like, Kamino or something. With something like Two Heroes. 

Discord: It could have been a placeholder until Hori came up with a fake quirk name for Izuku to hide his quirk behind, aka Superpower. 

Anyways, without further delays, time to get into the chapter itself!

[No. 6 - What I Can Do For Now]

We dive right in with Ochako protesting how unfair this is. Aizawa notes that Japan is full of unfair things - natural disasters, highway pileups, rampaging villains. Heroes are the ones to correct that unfairness. UA is going to put them through the wringer for the next three years - as per the Plus Ultra motto.

(also, nice silhouettes of Midnight, Thirteen, and… I think Lunch Rush? The discord also suggested it might either be a proto-design for Vlad King, or just a background character who ended up scrapped/forgotten about.)

Aizawa calls them out to bring their best, saying that now it’s for real. Tenya thinks about it being a trial by fire, Katsuki thinks of his move as nothing, Ochako is shaking in determination, the rest of the class is focused, and Izuku is… still stressing. Also, these proto-designs:

I cannot even. Those horns. That HAIR. The lack of beak. It’s just so weird compared to their finalized designs. 

The first event gets off to a speedy start, Tenya zooming right through the 50-meter dash thanks to his Engine quirk. Aizawa thinks that that event was too suited to Tenya, and thinks about how he’ll handle the other events. Tsuyu wasn’t too slow, though, and the narrative doesn’t even try to introduce her quirk with how obvious it is - she’s a frog!

Ochako and Ojiro are shown next, and-

Ojiro, why the leaping? Someone suggested it might be a reference, but it could just be another early weird character thing being tried, I guess? I don’t even know, it’s just strange.

Next is Aoyama and Mina, with the latter with the curliest horns I cannot even. Aoyama also makes a move to show off his quirk, calling the others unimaginative as he rockets backwards along the track- and then falling flat before the goal and having to get back up on his feet to do so again, with Mina managing to pass ahead of him thanks to the acid under her feet. 

Aoyama is still sparkling as he explains how if he’d fired an instant earlier, his stomach would have exploded, which, fun! The rest of the class is like ‘what the fuck dude’, which is a mood. Aizawa thinks about how the kids are pushing their quirks to their limits and seeing how they’ve improved, he can guess what they can and can’t do, and how that will be linked to their creative use of their quirks. 

Meanwhile, Katsuki and Izuku are doing the sprint side by side, Katsuki taking on an absolutely feral expression as he uses his quirk to blast ahead, in the process starling and slowing down Izuku slightly.

Seriously, Katsuki’s faces are just. I can’t describe how much of a gremlin this child is. And this!

His thoughts immediately going back to Izuku right after determining how that use of his quirk worked for him. His being thoughtful about that force distribution suggests he didn’t use his quirk much practically before UA… which makes sense, producing explosions and then using it for movement purposes are two different things.

Also the bot giving Izuku a little ‘good job’ just touched my heart. Though it really sucks that Katsuki probably cost Izuku a few seconds with that move of his; luckily, Izuku still came in under his middle school record despite his setback, which is impressive! Aizawa isn’t impressed, though, and Izuku isn’t either, thinking about how even using his power once will wreck him, and how regulating it is easier said than done.

We descend into a short flashback, again to the beach, with Toshinori stating that the trick to regulation is sensation! With Izuku agreeing immediately, because he’s a fanboy. Toshinori notes that Izuku experienced 100% power, and Izuku notes that it really messed him up. Toshinori says that it should be easy, and asks how it felt. Because I can’t do this justice:

Izuku you little dumbass, I love you, but your ability to describe things leaves much to be desired.

In full seriousness, though, like, the kid might just be afraid of his own power, just from this moment right after the flashback:

But yeah, to catch up to this point, Toshinori tells Izuku to keep that image in his head for the last three weeks until school starts, and that control can’t be obtained overnight, but he believes Izuku can and will manage it! We get back to Izuku attempting the grip strength, thinking about not exploding the egg, and then he has that fun trauma flashback to the state of his body after the zero pointer, and is dismayed at his ‘lacking’ score of 56 kg - especially compared to Shouji’s score of 540 kg. 

WHAT IS THAT SERO DESIGN. What is that Mineta design????? Also why is THIS the first impression we get of Mineta. Him calling Shouji, or his quirk, or his strength, sexy,,, I think that’s just a case of weird translation, but still. 

Izuku is shown to come short in the next two events, getting more and more stressed as he fails to use his quirk at all. By the fifth event, Izuku is stressed about being out of options while watching Ochako literally get an infinity on the ball throw, because everyone else has at least one amazing record and the last events are ones he can’t use his quirk for in any meaningful way. 

He steps up to the circle, with Tenya noting that he’s not doing well, which in turn has Katsuki call out how he’s quirkless, so of course. Tenya is confused, asking whether Katsuki had heard about the entrance exam, which confuses Katsuki. Aizawa is already expecting Izuku’s next move, which is to charge up his whole arm and try to throw it as far as he can, while thinking about his mom and All Might and their support of him. 

We see Aizawa’s eyes snap open, flashing - and Izuku’s quirk fails, the ball barely hitting 46 meters. For a moment, Izuku is outright horrified:

God, poor kid. Izuku looks at his hands, swearing he was trying to use it, but Aizawa tells him that he erased Izuku’s quirk. In slightly more entertaining news:

Like a freaking schoolgirl. I can’t even, he cares about his kid so much. 

Aizawa explains how the entrance exam is ridiculous, and completely irrational if it lets ‘someone like you get in’. Which, fucking OUCH, I can’t imagine how much that had to hurt Izuku. Izuku, however, is more distracted with his realization that Aizawa is the pro hero Eraserhead, and how his quirk works… which is fucking impressive considering how much Aizawa would try to keep that information on the down low in order to maximize his effectiveness in taking out villains.

(Also, what a shot. Izuku’s imagination really is something.)

Wait, All Might, how did you get so close to the class so quickly, and how did no one notice you? Man be maxing stealth and speed somehow. Also, I love how the translation accidentally called Aizawa an ‘angler-type hero’, which I think was… not what was intended.

But yeah, most of the class hasn’t heard about the man, while All Might notes how Aizawa hates public appearances because it interferes with his work, and how he and Aizawa hardly see eye to eye.

Aizawa tells Izuku that he’s seen how the kid can’t control his quirk, and that he’d just be incapacitated again, before asking if he was hoping someone would step in to help afterwards. Izuku says it’;s not like that, while Aizawa’s scarf slips around him and drags him closer. Aizawa says that his plan would inconvenience others, then brings up All Might’s legendary rescue while also calling him hot blooded. 

Just, ouch, Izuku has to be feeling the pressure. I know he’s used to people doubting him, but this still can’t be fun so soon after he’s finally gotten himself some confidence in his right to be at UA. 

Aizawa finally closes his eyes and lets his power go, telling Izuku to give it another go, and to get this over with. Izuku is in a mental slump, muttering to himself about his options, while the class looks on. 

Aoyama what the fuck. Also Katsuki, you are about to be disappointed and blown away. Aizawa is curious as to how Izuku is going to fail out of his class while applying eye drops. Izuku’s muttering goes on as he thinks about how he can’t regulate OFA yet, and how everything is now hedging on this single throw, and how even All Might noted that it would take time to learn control. 

Izuku moves like he’s going to do a full power throw, and Aizawa is already declaring that Izuku has no chance. However, Izuku still isn’t pulling up OFA even as he moves through the motions of the throw, while thinking about how Aizawa is right; Aizawa realizes mid-sentence that something is different about this from Izuku’s last attempt. Even as the ball is just about to leave his hand, his quirk isn’t there, as he notes that he has to work harder than anyone else if he wants to get in. 

Toshinori is mentally cheering Izuku on, as Izuku mutters that he’ll give it his all in the smallest way - and pulls up OFA in just one finger at the last moment, sending the ball flying and his finger to the wringer. Katsuki is shocked, Aizawa is shocked as well, and Izuku’s finger is dripping blood. Aizawa realizes that Izuku didn’t use his full power, just concentrated it, while Izuku has Aizawa’ words echo in his head as he replies that he can still move. The last panel of the page has Aizawa looking like he’s close to laughing at how ridiculous the situation is.

And so ends chapter 6! Man, what a ride, and it’s not a shock that Izuku is still trying to be so cautious with his quirk at this point… in contrast with much, much later in the manga.

[niks-minion]

crack request of me right now but... is it bad that i kinda want this top three + deku teamup to fail 😭😭 or at least not go to plan.

like look, i get why the other kids got left behind, since they're neither deku the mc with the op power nor the top heroes with sometimes decades more experience, and the way horikoshi has been scaling their powers it's usually only deku who gets to have the bamf explosion of power moments outside of training (the other kids do help out for sure, but usually it involves careful planning like the put gigantomachia to sleep thing, and generally they're not allowed huge displays of power, so that makes u feel like they can't keep up with deku) but like... it rubs me the wrong way. what we're doing now is grooming deku to be the sole pillar (a concept proven shitty and unstable) while the other kids aren't granted the chance to have all might or whoever pay extra special attention to them. like all might sucks as a teacher tbh. even in 284 he has the other kids take time from their own training regiments to help deku instead of like... making up an exercise that benefits the whole class and deku. he left behind 39+ kids who looked up to him and needed guidance (basically implying they're not worth his time, are not gonna be able to make a difference) at a time when the world around them is falling apart.

and like... i get it, deku is the mc, he's gonna get special attention, he's gonna get the cool powers and the bonus training or whatever. im absolutely not mad about that. i'm also not expecting all the kids to get equal relevance or whatever. you could argue that we've got no time to waste on training the other kids and their feelings. but i can't help but be a bit frustrated that horikoshi created so many cool characters with so much potential only to have it seem like they'll end up sidelined. like it feels atp like the tertiary protagonist is endeavor not shouto.

and ig what im asking for is the other kids rising to the occasion. even if they don't have guidance from the symbol of peace or full support from the top three heroes, even if they don't have the generations passed down power, even if they're not the chosed one, even if they're left out of plans and treated like they're secondary, id like to see them defy expectations. I'd like to see a scenario where the old heroes won't cut it and where the kids take charge to bring about some genuine change in both the world and the hero system. i want to see a scenario where the current plan fails and they need to be bailed out by the kids (+everyone else). i'd like to see the other kids grow out of both a desire to be great heroes and spite lmaoo

like i know this is probably irrational wish fulfillment on my end, and im not a writer so this probably wouldn't make for a cool story to anyone but me, but damn do i want it and damn do i miss the kids.

Ok. Hello my dear anon. Now that’s a long ask.

Ok. Warning. My opinion may be a bit biased, and also more focused on the origin trio than the whole class, bc let’s be honest it was obvious from the start there the main focus would be.

1. Let’s start with the fact that I’m not a Deku hater. Yes I make jokes, yes the sole focus on him makes me bitter bc we all have our favorites and want them to shine, yes I’m dying to see tdbk team up, bite me. That doesn’t mean that me, you or any other person wishing to get smth more is a “die Deku die!” enthusiast.

2. Your opinion is valid and understandable. Honestly, I get it. More so I think that’s gonna be the case bc come on, you can’t tell me that this dream team is gonna just kick a couple of asses, scream “plus ultra” and restore the whole country back to normal. I call bullshit. I’ve heard the guess that it may be a mirror to Katsuki’s kidnapping during the forest arc. (Would be cool bc the whole class could come to the picture and save him, plus Deku realizing he’s not alone etc etc)

3. About Deku being op and others being in his shadow.

Well, yep, as you’ve said- our broccoli boy is the mc, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

But taking jjk for example I don’t feel bitter about Megumi. And in Haikyuu I didn’t feel bitter literally about any character, especially Kageyama, god damn it’s the most satisfying shonen manga for those who has “I usually like mc’s bff/rival more” mindset. (it’s me)

That’s why I’m gonna die in the hill of denial that in bnha at least Bakugou and Todo are not gonna end up eating dirt and be satisfied with the average place somewhere behind Izuku.

Welcome to my praying circle, let’s sit and drink cola/wine while waiting for tumblr to go mad with the frames of other class 1A ( 2a now) kids. Plus Shinsou. Plus shiketsu kids, why the fuck Inasa wasn’t at the war arc, wind throwing villains here and there?!

4. The most irritating thing for me is this.

And this

Again, I totally get it. They need to protect ofa. What’s the better place for it than being sandwiched between top to heroes. And yes you can say the others are just kids and dealing with real life threats is too early for them. Deku simply has no choice. I’m ok with it.

But holy shit, was I disappointed to witness this exact frame...Yeah, yeah, call me Shouto simp, whatever man. But the build up, the “here is my hand, let’s fight together”... it’s only natural for me to to wish Todo was there too. I’m craving for Shouto/Hawks/Enji team up.

About Deku’s arms. Excuse me, but... it had so great drama potential. That he injured his arms and for now is unable to use them to the full capacity or something. I’m a sucker for a good angst so🤷🏻‍♀️ but then it was solved just like that? Ok, what did stop you to order these gauntlets like half a year ago, ha?

Welp, It’s for the reason that our duo is out of the picture. Suspiciously so.

Let’s wait a bit and hope for the best.

[thekaijudude]

Implications of the new New Gen logo

While reviewing all the new info we got from the stream, I realized that I didn't really put much thought on my first post about this because I posted it during the Tsubucon stream itself with barely any thought put into it

But upon further thinking, why exactly do they need to create a whole new ip for the New Gen? Unless they want to do something with it

Which further begs the question, at this point, what's so exclusive to the New Gen Ultras or what's possible?

Tho before we continue, I might as well address something that I've been getting dms about, which is the timing of this announcement, of why now rather than 2023? This could easily be reasoned away as Decker would be the 10th New Gen series, so although it wouldn't be the 10th year anniversary (which would be 2023, aka the year of the New Gen Gaia series), this just means that its possible they might plan to do something with this new exclusive brand in 2022.

Which actually ties in to my original question, and that there are projects planned that are exclusively for the New Gen heroes. Tho would they be a similar idea to UGF but separate from them? So is it possible to basically have 3 series running at the same time? (Main, UGF and New Gen)

As of now, it's hard to say whether it's that or its simply for merch only.

However, there is a pretty peculiar thing going on with seemingly the majority of the New Gen rn. If we recall in UGF2, Zero mentioned that Rosso and Blu are looking for Devil Splinters, obviously to clear them. Then in Z, we also know that Geed is involved in the operation as well. So I think it's pretty much safe to say that probably the whole New Gen (as of UGF2, minus Z, Grigio and the Tri Squad) are involved with the Devil Splinter narrative.

So perhaps we could possibly have UGF addressing the Absolutian narrative as well as it's possible aftermaths of banishing The Kingdom while a series that focuses on the New Gen tackling various impacts of the Devil Splinters?

Ngl that doesn't really sound sustainable since they're exhausting ideas twice as fast

But then again, I did pointed out that the Absolutian narrative could at least last till UGF4 and then move on to other narratives while for the Devil Splinters are clearly virtually impossible to clean up throughout the various universes (aka a never-ending narrative) so I guess there's some merit to this possibility?

Ngl either way, right now it seems that predecessing New Gen Ultras would all just be relegated to be involved in the Devil Splinters narrative

Another possibility would perhaps just be movies/short spin-offs/comic series that would exclusively feature various members of the New Gen only

Especially seems that the New Gen Era would seemingly never end, plus with majority of the New Gen series having potential rooms for expansion (eg why Ginga chose to come to the past, X's background, Orb and JJ's continued journey, Z's origin etc) perhaps these series of movies could also be used to address them

Or just for fanservice to feature dream teams consisting of different members of the New Gen

Very intriguing to see just how TsuPro is expanding their ip at such a rapid pace

[bnhabadass]

Hey! Happy new year, I see your requests are open so, don't mind if I do? If it's not so much of a bother, I'd like to start my new year with quality head cannons for Shoto, Katsuki and Shinsou with a jealous s/o? Sksksksks, if this is too much you're free to ignore it ♡.

A/N: I would like to apologize for how late these are coming out. I didn’t realize this as I was writing them, but I wrote them as whole ass scenarios and by the time I realized my mistake it was too late. Anyways I hope you enjoy these month late jealousy scenarios.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jealousy Comes in Many Different Forms

Shoto

Todoroki is...a little dense, so he doesn’t always know when something makes you upset or feel inadequate.

He’s never been in a relationship before you, and you make him kind of flustered, so his initial reaction was to not give you compliments or little praises when you first started dating. He didn’t want to over-step his boundaries, afterall.

He didn’t expect you to distance yourself from him when it happened. It was during training when he was sparring with Midoriya. As they fought he kept commenting on how well the boy used his quirk and how he had really made it his own. And you were fine with that. The two of them were friends after all, and friends like to lift each other up.

What bothered you was when he did the same with Yaoyorozu, and he even had the audacity to show Ashido how to better use her quirk by adjusting her shoulders and arms.

You felt bitter watching this from the side lines where you were stretching. Yes you’re friends with both of the girls, but Ashido isn’t shy in hiding that she has a little crush on Todoroki. As you watched him smile at them and compliment their skills, you felt so twisted up in your gut.

By the time it was your turn to spar with your boyfriend, you decided to go all out, plus ultra, to impress him. You were ready to wow not only him, but your entire class and your teachers as well.

“You ready to get your ass kicked?” you asked, taking him off guard. You used this as an opportunity to get up close with him, using your close combat skills. You put everything you had into that fight, showing off the ultimate moves you were working on in the process.

You managed to dodge his ice and fire attacks, and you smiled at the chorus of your peers cheering you on. The sparring session ended after fifteen minutes. Neither of you managed to immobilize the other person, but by the time the match was over both of you were panting and dripping with sweat.

“Good match,” you said through pants, smiling as you patted your flushed face with a towel.

“Yeah,” Todoroki said. “You too.”

That’s all he had to say. No “you were amazing out there” or “the way you dodged my attacks was incredible.”

You felt that kink in your stomach all over again, and you decided it was best to distance yourself from Todoroki for at least the rest of the day. He clearly wasn’t impressed with you in any case, so why should you bother giving him the time of day?

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked you that night. You were lounging on the couches in the common room reading a book. “Because it kind of seems like you’ve been ignoring me since we sparred today.”

You put your book down and looked up at him. The least you could do was offer him an explanation, afterall. “I want you to look at me the way you look at Midoriya and Yaoyorozu and, hell, I guess Ashido.”

He quirked his eyebrow up at you. “What do you mean?”

“I get that you probably don’t realize what you’re doing, but when I see you praising our peers, my friends, and don’t even bat an eye at me I feel inadequate.” You looked up at him. “I don’t want to be pushy and I don’t want to ask too much of you, but is it too much for me to ask you to let me know that I’m doing a good job and that you’re proud of me?”

Shocked is one way to describe how Todoroki looked. He wasn’t expecting you to come out and say all of that. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess I didn’t really think about how that would have made you feel.”

You cocked your head to the side, waiting for him to say more.

“I’ve never been in a relationship until now, and you still make me very nervous,” he admitted. “I didn’t know what to say after we sparred because I was just so amazed by you. Not only that you’re a magnificent fighter, even better than me, but because you reciprocate my feelings and that is something that has never happened before.”

You rolled your eyes at the last part. “Most of the girls at this school would kill to date you,” you said.

He sat down next to you on the couch. “But none of them are you.” He hesitated a moment before putting his arm around your shoulder.

You snuggled into his side, no longer mad at him. “Thank you,” you said. This is definitely something the two of you would need to work on, but you were happy and willing to work on it together.

Katsuki

Bakugo is usually the one to get jealous in your relationship.

But it always felt like he put his training, and even sometimes his friends, before you.

You didn’t mind at first because you were all determined to become one of the top heroes, and the only way to do that is to keep training your quirks.

It did bother you, though, when you got stood up on your three month anniversary so he could spar with Kaminari and Kirishima.

You were waiting outside his room for twenty minutes. He hadn’t answered any texts you sent him or the times you knocked on his door. You had a bad feeling that he wasn’t coming out of his room, and you questioned whether or not he was actually at the dorms, but your suspicions were confirmed when Midoriya saw you sitting out in the hall.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n),” he said. “I saw Kacchan leave with Kirishima and Kaminari earlier.”

You felt defeated. Why didn’t he want to spend time with you? Why would he bail on the night that you’ve been talking everyone’s ear off nonstop for the last week?

“Is there something wrong with me?” you asked Midoriya.

“Of course not!” he said. “Kacchan has just always been a bit obsessed with being number one. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with you. He probably doesn’t even recognize what he’s doing.”

“Thank you,” you said. Talking to Midoriya helped, but you still felt bitter towards Bakugo, and you were mad at Kirishima and Kaminari too.

You didn’t sit with your boyfriend at lunch the next day. Instead, you sat with Midoriya, Uraraka, and Iida, since Midoriya helped you the previous night.

Bakugo was not happy with the new friends you seem to have made. “What the hell is this?” he asked. He managed to catch you alone between lunch and class.

“Look,” you said. “If you get to bail on our three month to hang out with your friends then I get to eat lunch with mine.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked. “Our three month isn’t until Friday.”

You felt your blood boil. How could he forget? “No,” you said, starting to shake out of anger. “It was Wednesday.”

Bakugo’s expression dropped. Color began to drain from his face. He knew how much this day meant to you and he completely forgot about it. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to think of ways to make it up to you.

“You know what, just forget about it,” you said. “Three months isn’t that long anyways it doesn’t need a fancy celebration or anything.” You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked back to the classroom.

You had a bitter feeling in your stomach for the rest of the day, and you could barely bring yourself to talk to Bakugo as he tried cornering you after class.

“Come on why won’t you just talk to me about it?” he said. Your peers thought it would be a good idea to leave the two of you alone after that. They all either sped forward towards the dorm or stayed back to “talk to Aizawa about school work” which you knew was a lie.

“I don’t want to talk about it because I know you’re not going to take me seriously!” you practically shouted at him. Your hands were gripping the sides of your school blazer as your arms were wrapped around your stomach.

“What you do you mean I won’t take you seriously?” Bakugo asked.

“Because this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.” Your voice began breaking in places but you willed yourself to keep looking into his crimson eyes which were beginning to soften with every second that passed by.

You didn’t want to risk setting off any pent up anger he held, either to you or Deku or anything going on in his life, so you chose your next words very carefully. “I feel,” you started, “like you don’t take me seriously, and like you put your friends before me.”

Bakiugo gulped but he waited for you to finish.

“I don’t want you to think that you have to give up your friendships for me, believe me that’s the last thing I want.” You took a shaky breath in. “But I want you to spend time with me the same way you do with your friends. I want you to value our relationship the same way you value training with Kirishima and Kaminari. And I don’t think that’s too much for me to ask of you.”

When Bakugo was sure that you were finished, he walked closer to you and embraced you in an almost too-tight hug. “I’m sorry if I’ve been putting our relationship aside,” he said. He let go of you to look into your eyes, which made his throat sting slightly as he saw how glassy they were. “I promise I won’t do that anymore. And if you ever notice me doing that, you have permission to kick my ass, got it?”

You couldn’t help but smile a little at his dumb joke.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something tonight?”

You nodded and intertwined your fingers in his hand. You were happy to have figured that out for the most part, and you were glad that the two of you have a new understanding between one another.

Shinsou

You were happy for your best friend when he came bursting through your door. You had never seen his eyes filled with so much light in that moment. You knew the news he wanted to share with you, even though you had secretly been wishing it wouldn’t come to this.

Shinsou had been accepted out of general studies and into the hero program. That meant that the two of you would only have the rest of the semester together before Shinsou would go on to follow his dream.

It was selfish of you to pray that he wouldn’t get into the program, especially after all of the nights where the two of you stayed up talking about your quirks and your hopes and dreams, growing a further intimate bond with one another. You didn’t want any of that to end, but Shinsou was going to do big things. And you were going to be left behind.

“That’s great,” you said, smiling. “I’m really happy for you Shin.” You reached out to squeeze his hand, showing your support.

“Thank you,” he said throwing his arms over your shoulders into a warm and dense hug. You never wanted him to let you go. “I don’t think I could have done this without you.”

You were torn apart by this. On the one hand, you want your best friend to go off and do great things, but on the other you didn’t want him to go. You decided that the best thing to do from there is to distance yourself from him.

You tried not to sit with him at lunch, and if you did end up sitting next to him you were uncharacteristically quiet. You didn’t talk to him between classes, you went straight home after school, you even refused to study with him over the weekend like you usually do.

“What’s going on?” he asked after a week of you avoiding him. “I feel like you’re avoiding me and I’m not sure why. Did I do something?”

You shook your head no. You felt a little guilty, making him feel as though your stubbornness was his fault, but you had gotten yourself in too deep, and couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes.

“I get if you don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “But I also don’t know how much I’m gonna see you when I’m put in the hero program, so I’d like to make the most of that time.” He went to scratch the back of his neck.

“That’s the thing,” you said. You could feel your eyes start to get glassy and your throat beginning to sting, but you looked up at him nonetheless. “You’re gonna go off to do great things. You’re going to become a great hero, and what am I gonna do? I’m staying here in general, which I would be perfectly fine with if my best friend were here with me.” You looked back down at your lap. “But he’s not.”

Shinsou was speechless. “What if you don’t have to be,” he said, searching frantically for any reason for you to be happy with this situation. “I can talk to Mr. Aizawa. He can train you, too. We don’t have to be separated if that’s what’s making you like this. I–”

You waved off any ideas he struck up. “It’s fine, Shinsou. It wouldn’t work out anyway. I hope you have a fun time training to be a hero.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” he said. “You’re talking like we’re never going to see each other again.”

You looked away from him.

“(Y/n), you’re my best friend. Whether you like it or not that isn’t going to change, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what program I’m in.”

As he said that you could feel big blobs of tears begin to spill down your face. “Is that all I am to you?” you asked. “Your best friend?”

“What do you mean?” He shifted around in his feet slightly.

Here goes nothing, you thought. “I like you, Shinsou. I really fucking like you, and I know I’m a bad person for wishing you wouldn’t get into the hero program and I know that I’m a bad person for ignoring you for so long, but I really really like you. I just didn’t want what we have to end.”

Shinsou was astonished. He didn’t realize how strongly you felt. If he had known sooner he would have said something. “Okay,” he said, “so will you go out on a date with me?”

That was not the response you were expecting. In fact, you were expecting the exact opposite. Upon looking at Shinsou, you saw how nervous he looked. His face was pale, paler than usual. His eyes were wide open in anticipation. You didn’t think he should be nervous, seeing that you had already given your answer.

When the next thing you did was laugh, Shinsou almost felt defeated. “Okay,” he said. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No no no no no.” You pulled his arm down to you and laughed as your forehead bonked against each other. “I would love to go one a date with you.”

I would be weird, dating each other when you’re in different classes, but you were excited to see where this next part of your relationship would go.

[artistrashofmine]

We got some katsuyami angst a request of @asianlychallengedasian for the exchange hosted by @protobnhaweek. It’s bit later then I was hoping due to an unforeseen power outage, though here it is at last!  AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27950525                                                       

                                                            ~

UA’s doors were huge, the whole building was. It was surreal, to see it in person like this. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, wearing the UA uniform, a backpack was thrown over his shoulder.

“We did it. I told you we would!” The blond stood tall, a glint in his red eyes as he studied the building.

A shorter boy stood beside him, shoulders hunched, messy, dark purple hair with bangs that fell over one of his eyes and freckles that dotted his checks, “yeah, Kacchan, you were right.”

“Aren’t I always? Come on! Stand up straight for fucks sake, we’re students of UA now. We’ll be heroes Yami.” The sharp grin could scare away anyone it was aimed towards, that was if they didn’t already know how harmless the humanized kitten was.

The other straightened up, “alright Kacchan. If you’re so sure... let’s go before we’re late!”

The pale blond snorted, “I got us here early so we wouldn’t be late, only an idiot would manage that.”

And with Katsuki’s smartass comments, there went the contagious, cheery spark that he latched onto a second ago. Yes, they made it into UA, against all odds - well, for Mikumo. Katsuki was pretty much fated to be a hero. They both passed the exam, he passed the exam quirkless. And yes, they were both in the hero course, in the same class together. But looking at the oblivious blond beside him, looking back on his own life, socially, they were screwed.

He couldn’t keep his nerves at bay as they walked down the hallways, already creating scenarios in his head of how their first introduction to their classmates will go. Throughout elementary and middle school he didn’t really have friends, for obvious reasons. He was quirkless, no one wanted to be friends with someone who was quirkless. And frankly, Mikumo didn’t want to be friends with them either. He wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, preferring to keep to himself when possible and avoid others. Maybe that’s because most of the ‘others’ would have rather made fun of him than actually hang out with him. Still, it left him with a lot of free time, most of which was put to good use towards the end of middle school when he got serious about becoming a hero, without a quirk. To prove them wrong, that a quirkless person could be a hero.  

Where did Katsuki play a part in this? They were childhood friends. Katsuki was there for him when he wanted. Though they did grow distant going into middle school, different interests and such. They didn’t stop talking completely. It wasn’t until the blond had caught him tinkering with a support item that they reunited.

Katsuki was smart. A child genius. Consumed knowledge as if it were his last meal. And if Mikumo was being honest, he likely wouldn’t have made it this far without the blond’s helpful comments, or moderately helpful to the “I know you meant well but that only made things worse” encouragement the blond tended to give off. With the help of the other, he was able to design a few inconspicuous items that make it almost appear as if he had a quirk. That and Katsuki had started pulling him into his workout routine. Getting up at a stupidly early time and jogging for a stupidly long time. And he had annoyed the curly-haired teen into purchasing a few weights.

Mikumo would be lying if he said the sudden workout regiment didn’t do anything. It was amazing to see the results. He had never thought of himself as unfit per se- sure he wasn’t god-level fit but it’s not like he got winded walking up a few flights of stairs or anything like that. Still, he never realized how much room there was for improvement. Katsuki appeared smug when he admitted such, claiming how that’s what he’s been trying to tell Yami.

It was a good improvement. It paid off in the end. He was here, UA, with his best friend- in the same class as his best friend.

“Yami, here, this is the classroom. You’re always so slow!” The dark-haired teen hated to see how the rest of the class was going to react to them. It was impossible for Katsuki to keep his voice at a moderate volume. Even more impossible for him to forego sharing his honest opinion.

It didn’t help that he had no mind when those opinions became insulting. Yamikumo didn’t mind it for the most part, he knew the blond didn’t mean anything bad by his words. Actually, he usually meant the opposite, to encourage others. Still, no one else knew that. They didn’t have years of experience in understanding the odd character’s way with words. They would likely take offence, but as long as he didn’t get like that right off the bat, maybe they’d have a chance of fitting in. Well, Katsuki would. Yamikumo was pretty well screwed either way, not only was he inexperienced when it came to the whole social thing- he was quirkless and a quirkless teen in a hero class was bound to stand out. They were bound to figure out he didn’t have any quirk. After all, “what’s your quirk?” was as common a question as “the weather, huh?”.

And Kacchan was good at making the fact that he was quirkless a big deal - yeah, he meant well, he meant it as a way to brag about Mikumo’s success, but still, the dark-haired teen preferred not to be the center of attention.

Long story short, they were screwed. Their high school life was screwed. Though, it was a hero school. He could only hope his peers would be kind, kinder than those in middle school.

Turns out they took plus ultra quite seriously. His classmates were beyond Kumo’s expectations. There was the brown-haired girl, he had helped her in the entrance exam. The first friend he’s made since Katsuki. Then came the others, the class president of whom he was originally quite reluctant of - the first person Katsuki had managed to criticize to the point of offence - “why the hell don’t you wear contacts, four-eyes?”- soon followed with a- “Soumei… a rich family then, I guess you could afford glasses every time they fall off your fucking face”.

Then there was Endeavour’s son, son of the number two hero. As a result, Katsuki appeared to be quite eager to beat the guy. Though Mikumo honestly didn’t care all that much. He didn’t care as much for the mainstream heroes. Well, honestly, he was yet to find a hero he cared much for. After getting rejected by the number one hero, that kind of shit put a bad taste in your mouth.

Speaking of the number one, he was teaching here. Talk about awkwardness. It would have been fine if Katsuki didn’t stick his nose into things, he’s sure All Might hadn’t recognized him, not until the blond started talking. Once he heard from Yami on what happened between the two of them, the blond wasn’t afraid to tell All Might what he thought.

Katsuki was something. He could be exhausting, but he was still the freckled student’s best friend.

But maybe they needed a break.

“It’s a miracle we’re both here, Yami.” The realization came after their recent argument, Mikumo had snapped. He’s snapped at the blond before, whenever he went too far.

“What do you mean?” But this time was different, he hadn’t a clue on what the other was going on about.

 He tended to get lost in his own thoughts as he let the other go off, talking about whatever self-improvements he could make, before going on to review Yami’s day.

“Well, you are quirkless. There’s never been a hero like that before-” Ah, something like this again. It’s been about a month since they’ve started at UA. Katsuki was still going on about how impressive it was.

“That doesn’t mean I couldn’t make it…” the green eyes squinted at the grinning blond, “you know me better than that.”

“Well yeah of course I do, why’d you think I called it a miracle?”  Seriously, how could someone be so bad with words? He clenched his jaw, Yamikumo knew Katsuki meant it as a compliment, knew the blond meant nothing bad by it.

Still, he couldn’t help but snap, “and you wonder why I’m your only friend Kacchan.”

Maybe Bakugou went too far this time as well. And usually Katsuki caught on. Sometimes he’d have to be more direct about it, but he usually could tell when he went too far, when he actually pissed the purple-haired teen off.

“Huh?” The red eyes blinked at him, despite how long they’ve known each other, the purple-haired teen never knew when the other was joking or not. But looking into the confused red eyes, he could tell Katsuki was serious. He had no idea why Yamikumo was on the last straw with him, no idea what Yami was upset about.

It was crazy to think that the guy just didn’t get it, but he didn’t. No matter how often Yamikumo tried to explain it to him, their classmates were still trying to get used to it. But maybe, maybe they’ve been taking the wrong approach, trying to get used to it as they wait for the blond to figure it out himself.

He was never going to. It’s been years.

And this fight was somehow different. This time Mikumo wasn’t going to stand for it.

“Fine Kacchan. Come find me when you finally get it.”

He’d have to get it at some point.

And maybe it was because UA was treating him well, he had actual friends for once- either then the blond beside him. He couldn’t wait around, re-explaining it to the blond for another ten years. It’s gone on too long, it’s been adding up to this.

Maybe it’ll be the push Katsuki needs.

So Yamikumo walked away.

Bakuogu Katsuki felt lonely, felt alone. He’s never had something like this happen to him, not with Yamikumo at least. Sure, he knew he tended to piss people off. Sometimes he knew why, but usually it was a mystery.  He didn’t intentionally want to make people feel like shit, especially the purple-haired teen. Yamikumo was his best friend, one of the few people he was close with. He wasn’t supposed to leave. That wasn’t part of the plan. They were supposed to become heroes together . The two of them against the world - of course, that saying was bullshit and made no sense but Katsuki was certain it could be applied to this situation. They were in this together, always had been.

Bakugou didn’t factor in their future classmates. That was likely his problem. Yamikumo now had friends. He was popular in the class and Katsuki, well, was not. It only made sense for the other to drop him. Katsuki didn’t have a good way with words, even worse understanding of their effect on others. He was good at math, good at biology, excelled in chemistry. Language had always been his weak area.  And consequently, that meant socialization. Not that he cared to socialize with most people anyway. Everyone in their middle school was a moron. Even in elementary school, he rose above everyone else. No one could compare with him. It made no sense to stay friends with people who didn’t actually try, yet remained envious of the blond’s accomplishments.

That and he tended to piss people off. Sometimes the truth was too harsh for people to understand, and sometimes Katsuki had a hard time understanding how he pissed someone off to begin with. The case was no different at UA. Sure, he wouldn’t mind getting along with many of his classmates, they seemed like good people for the most part. And they couldn’t be that stupid, they were in one of the top schools, being taught by heroes to become heroes. It was fucking amazing. Everyone here was a part of a small group of the students who had applied to be in this position. Many of which stood a fighting chance, or at least had enough confidence in themselves to believe that. So yes, if Katsuki were to believe in miracles, this would be one. Hence what he told Yamikumo. After all, that was one of those things people said, or so the blond had thought.

He didn’t understand why the other got so upset over it. Did Katsuki really mess up that badly this time? He’s said some shitty stuff in the past, the other had never been afraid to call the blond out for it, why was it different this time around?

Because of others, that’s why it was different. Yamikumo didn’t need Katsuki anymore. He had other friends, other people he could go to. Yaoyorozu was the smartest in the class, she has a creation quirk. Yami could go to her for anything he needed. And he could brainstorm with anyone in the class. He got along with them all, and everyone liked him.

Katsuki didn’t try to get along with anyone else. He didn’t think he needed to. He had the freckled teen as a study partner, or talk over ideas with. He didn’t need anyone else. Maybe now it was time to rethink that.

The first person Katuski had actually started to get along with in the class was the redhead, Kirishima. Which was strange, because the blond hadn’t been very quiet about his distaste for the painfully fake coloured, unnaturally spiked abomination atop his head. It was practically a warning signal for villains; yes, I am here, the hero with the shitty-hair who turns their body to stone. Though, the blond had to admit his quirk would work well as a defence against Katsuki’s own explosions.

Still, he hadn’t outright told that to the other- he didn’t need anyone knowing his weakness. So that made it all the stranger when the redhead with the shark teeth laughed off Katsuki’s brutal honesty. No one had done that before, most people got offended. And outright pissed when the blond refused to apologize. Katsuki hadn’t bothered paying any mind to Kirishima. Other than his quirk, he wasn’t all that impressive. And Katsuki had Yamikumo. But now, well, the redhead was increasingly more difficult to ignore when the blond had no one else to turn to. No one to eat lunch with, or choose as a sparring partner. But Kirishima practically volunteered himself to work with Katsuki.

That was a first.

It didn’t feel bad. Katuski wondered if this was the beginning of a new friendship. Though it felt different from his relationship with the purple-haired teen. Something was missing. He missed the other. It had always been them, Yamikumo had always been special to him. Katsuki didn’t want that to change.

It was the end of the week, they had finished off training when Katsuki had finally found Yamikumo alone. When he was finally able to talk to the other, to confront him. The other had been waiting outside the changing room. The blond had been the last in there, he wondered if the purple-haired teen had the same idea to confront Katsuki. If he realized how hopeless the blond was at communicating. This time, he wouldn’t let the other start. He wouldn’t have the other fishing for apologies.

“I’m sorry okay! I- fuck, I’m bad at this, you know that, but it’s no excuse… I don’t-” Truly, the one thing Katsuki was bad at, what was he supposed to say? He still didn’t know but he couldn’t stay quiet, he had to be the one to start this conversation, “are you fucking crying?”

That wasn’t what he expected the result to be. He apologized, he thought that’s what the other wanted. He didn’t think he said anything wrong yet, he thought this was likely one of the few times he was aware of what he was saying, of the meaning behind what he was trying to say.

“Kacchan, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have just ignored you like that! It was horrible of me. I just- ” Nor did he expect the other to apologize, after all, he did have the right to get upset at the blond, “I got so frustrated.”

“I know - I’m trying to understand.” It was difficult, more difficult than it should be, “I don’t see things the way you do - fuck, I don’t see things the way most of you do. When I say something, it’s not supposed to hurt anyone, but it does. I don’t understand, but I’m trying to.”

“Kat…” He had that determined look upon his face, the same one he had when deciding to become a quirkless hero,  “I’ve missed you.”

The blond’s face broke out into a grin that could mirror the sun, “me too, Yami.”

This, this was how they were supposed to be. Together, no matter what was going to happen. Working things out, teaching each other, learning from mistakes. Not ignoring each other.

“And I didn’t mean it,” Katuski’s eyebrow creased, “about the no friends thing. You belong here, with us, with them - your friends. They love you.”

The teen looked almost reluctant, as if he were giving Katsuki away, saying goodbye or some shit like that.

Katsuki stared at the other, red eyes hardened, “I want to be with you.”

“What do you mean by that?!” The other's face flushed- an unusual feat for Yamikumo.

“We’ll be heroes together, promise me?” The face-value meaning of the words made Katsuki feel stupid, but he knew that Kumo would understand what the blond was trying to convey, the insecurity he didn’t want to admit to, the hope that they’d remain by each other’s side no matter what.

With a genuine smile, the other replied, “of course Kacchan, together.”  

[dclevinson]

August 21: my kaddish month

I’ve sent this to a number of people, but I’m putting it here too in case some readers who might be interested will stumble across it:

A little more than a month has passed since Cindy died, and I get asked a lot how I’m doing. My standard answer starts with a couple ways of framing:

 --- the earthquake is over, but there are lots of unpredictable emotional aftershocks

 --- I’m past the Shock & Numbness phase, but normal life doesn’t seem normal. Lots of How Can This Be Real moments that can be disorienting and distressing

 --- many times emotions collide: how much to lean into or away from grief, how to feel it’s OK to feel OK when I do, how keep her with me and move forward too, etc

 I suppose at some point a fascination with grief can start to make others uncomfortable, but grieving has a logic of its own. One key part of “after” life was the 30 days of daily religious services I attended to honor her memory.  I found the routine and --- surprisingly, the ritual --- spiritually nourishing. Cindy’s eyebrows always shot up at the word “spiritual.” Usually mine too. I hope those of you I send these four pages to don’t find it too tedious Perhaps it’s a way of keeping Cindy in your thoughts and hearts too…

       I am a most unlikely daily mourning ritual observer. I didn’t do it for my father, and he asked us not to. But the ritual mourning prayers and the place where I’d be doing it meant a lot to Cindy, so I just committed without much deliberation. One problem in writing about a fairly traditional type of observance is that the spectrum of Jewish religious practice can be mystifying, even to many Jews. So how explain it to outsiders? I’ve tried to do it without being either too reverent or irreverent.

 One basic mourning commitment is to say “kaddish”, the mourner’s prayer, for a set amount of time. Jewish practice and custom is intellectually intricate and often arcane; there are rules and exceptions to rules and different interpretations of rules, etc. There are other customs/demands for remembrance too. Many think of saying kaddish as a year long commitment. Plus yearly anniversaries, set to a moving Hebrew calendar --- just to add to the degree of difficulty. But even the year thing has permutations: actual practice for some groups is 11 months, not 12.

 Why?. Different interpreters and communities make their own choices on duration. Our ritual director says “eleven.” Basically, some 13th century source says that “the wicked in Gehinom took 12 months for their souls to reach the highest levels of heaven.” But most Jews don’t even believe in a physical heaven!? Never mind. So, the reasoning goes, if the wicked took 12 months, we’ll mourn for 11: because our beloved Was Not Wicked. Welcome to Talmudic reasoning. But, traditionally, the year(ish) is for parents and children. For spouses the allotted time is 30 days. Though many people today may just do a year for anyone in the family. Thirty struck me as the perfect amount for the act to stay meaningful, helpful and not something I would treat as an increasingly resented chore.

 It’s not a prayer that religious custom allows you to say by yourself. You need a minyan (quorum) of 10. It used to be men, but now men or women, at least at our conservative temple (shul, synagogue, whatever --- more insider confusing terminology). But some do say it by themselves for the comfort it brings if finding a group is too arduous. And I cheated a couple days by joining the group virtually. But I found being with a gathering of supporters did matter to me. I could have gone to a shorter evening service to do this, but preferred the morning time. And came to think a 40ish minute observance time a good block to have meaningful daily impact.

 And then there’s the prayer itself. I realized right away that the weekday morning prayer service had many different kaddishs, similar prayers of thanks for and praise to a divine entity. But there’s one specific mourner’s version, said 3 times in oour short 40ish minute service. Twice, almost in succession at the end --- overkill or emphasis, depending on your point of view. Why the repeats? Haven’t pursued that yet. And, as some of you know, the prayer for the dead doesn’t mention dying or losing loved ones or honoring their memory, etc. It just profusely praises God (and lots of different words or phrases to refer to such entity since he/she/it is too holy and all powerful to mention the Real Name). Some phrases: “May god’s name be exalted and hallowed, his sovereignty soon accepted… glorified, celebrated, lauded, worshiped, exalted, honored, extolled and acclaimed… Lots of current Jewish religious practice incorporates the Middle Ages wholesale. Or earlier. Read the English on the facing page of the prayer book and much of the service sounds like the practice of a small, threatened tribe huddling in the desert thousands of years ago.

 There’s a lot about Jewish practice that seems natural and essential to practitioners but might alienate the uninitiated.  Or reluctant observers like me. The head coverings. The shoulder covering prayer shawls. The standing for this (many do: why not all??!), turning right for that, covering eyes for this line, fingering prayer shawl strings (tzitzit) for that. Whew. So many prayers and practices for so many different occasions. Designed, I’ve thought, to cement the devotion of believers. But it repel skeptics, too, I surmise.

 One such example: in these early services most men put on tefillin. Leather straps with little black boxes attached (a prayer inside) that have very specific wrapping/unwrapping  procedures for arms and head. It’s deeply moving to believers, but I’ve always thought it look repellent or ridiculous. Way too much like the garb of the ultra orthodox “crazies.” There are lots of I’ll do this/not that decisions in religious practice. I understand there’s a tenuous dynamic that exists between any minority and majority community, and clinging to tradition and being true to oneself can seem preferable to “selling out” to fit in. But sometimes it strikes us skeptics as more a clinging to “guns and religion” type intransigence.

 So, if you walked in on these services cold (I was lukewarm), there’s lots that would be pretty mystifying and potentially off-putting. How could you possibly fit in? In fact, I believe I was the only new guy or gal over my month. And there had to be a decent number of temple members who have lost family members during the time I attended. Seemingly no person younger than I was doing the morning kaddish thing. And usually I was the only or 1 of 2 who didn’t put on tefillin. Men. Women usually don’t. Though one of our female rabbis did. Good for her, though I wasn’t tempted to follow.

 I could fit in and feel comfortable at these services because a) I knew people there b) I was committed to being there and c) people took care of me. I no longer bristled at the imputation (real or just in my head?) that I’m a Bad Jew and I need instruction to be a Good One. This time I felt many there had cherished Cindy, understood why I was there, and quietly welcomed me. I was willing to look/be ignorant and accept guidance.

 It was reassuring to see many of Cindy’s compatriots from the temple sisterhood there day after day too. The whole group (20 to 40 most days) was interesting to observe: lots more joking and side conversations during the service than I’d imagined. And there was the guy older than I who usually wore cycling shorts and shirt, the much older guy who sat to my right who usually shuffled in 15 minutes late, etc etc.  Lots of accomplished people and interesting stories for another writer’s version. And --- most days --- someone called out the pages so I had some sense where we were.

 I can read Hebrew if I already know the prayer or chant. So I can’t really read Hebrew anymore. Much of the service is praising God’s amazing powers, thanking him for singling out and helping Jews (don’t let anti-Semites see this!), an intricate mix of different intricate sections that over days start to fit a pattern. There are a always some bits in any prayer book that I find edifying and worth recalling; often I’m reading in one place when the service is in another. My favorite in this one:

Rabbi Schuel ben Nahmani said: We find that the Holy One created  everything  in the world; only falsehood and exaggeration were not God’s doing. People devised those on their own.

 There’s no sermon on any days, just the chanting. And different melodies for different sections. And torah reading ritual (I could spend pages on this alone) Monday and Thursday. I still have to learn why those days. I preferred the shorter days without.

 I was most fortunate to have a long time neighbor and, like Cindy, long time temple leader who I was delighted to learn (only some 30 some years later) is a regular attendee of daily morning services. Like Cindy, he has the ability I don’t to take what’s worthwhile in religious practice and ignore the rest. He credits Cindy with his reading the new alternate section of one prayer praising the Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob) by adding Matriarchs too.

 It’s not supposed to be used at this particular service, but a couple women who led services on a rotating schedule snuck it in. Much to my friend Rick’s and my glee. He joked about wanting to write: Minyan, the Musical. Have to decide how reverent or irreverent to be I replied. Yes he said, and some would love it, some hate it. Like so much else in life, I thought.

 There’s way more I could describe: the various “honors” during torah reading for one. Early on I got congratulated for pulling the strings to open the torah ark/cabinet. Basically, the only task our ritual director could be sure at that point I wouldn’t flub. One more key detail: I was wearing Cindy remarkable hand knit prayer shawl. Which, of course, many of her friends recognized. Once I made the mistake when taking it off at the service end of holding it to my face: way too emotional to repeat daily. Much more detail I could include, but there’s likely already too much. Ask me if you want more.

 I was asked to say a few words on the last day, right before the concluding prayers. I told people I was a most unlikely minyan attendee, etc. Grateful for this and that person’s help and Rebbe Rick’s (joke) guidance and company. Uplifted seeing Cindy’s sisterhood comrades, etc. Hoped in coming months to find an enduring way to honor her memory, etc.

 My one specific observation: I had been hearing people recite kaddish at Saturday services off and on for over 60 years.  But I’d never given a thought to the brief parts where the congregation joins in on a quick line. Just part of the practice I’d heard without really hearing. Until I was the mourner. Then, on many days when the congregation joined in…

       Y’he sh’meh rabbvo m’orach l’olam ulolmey olmayo…

 …on many days I felt my heart lifting and a wave of emotional support wash over me. This is why you should say kaddish in a minyan if at all possible. Or I hope in your tradition or life there’s some equivalent thing to bring you comfort when/if you need it. Em and I have been lighting candles at a set time each week also. That works for us too.

 The morning group skews old. But I hope that such a group is always there for anyone who needs it. I don’t want to attend any religious services daily. Or weekly. But this is my favorite service. I’ll be back. But on a day they don’t read torah. Forty minutes is plenty.

 I decided, too, that on day 30, I would take off my wedding ring. I sensed that if I didn’t tie that act to a ritual I might have a hard time doing it.