#of reincarnation and i thought about how awful it would be if i killed myself only to get reincarnated and never be able to know my gf

[caffeinatedopossum]

I keep crying really easily

[grimm-rider]

Entry 26

I have seen a future that was so beautiful, and so very enticing. And completely unobtainable.

I haven’t written in a while. A lot’s happened. I’ve been busy. Helping to run a rebellion, saving people from Crone Queens, and generally weakening Elvanna’s hold on the city doesn’t exactly leave me much time for scribbling in a book. And at this point I’m not even sure if I need this journal anymore. Now that I know why I lost my memories before, I no longer think it’s particularly likely that it is going to happen again.

But…I feel compelled to write today after what I saw. Emotions are a bastard. I wish I could just rip them out. Throw them away. Things were so much easier when I didn’t care about anyone but myself.

The worst part is I know I don’t really mean that. As inconvenient as caring is, I wouldn’t want to lose Greta. Or Aenland, Edeya, Nestian, or Cesseer. But especially Greta.

We killed the prince of the Winter Wolves to get Greta back. A nasty bastard with two heads, who turned into some twisted royal wolf spirit after we killed him the first time and he had to be put down again before he stayed down. Greta inherited some of his power afterwards. And now she’s back with me. I felt whole again when we reunited, after days of fearing that at any moment Elvanna would order the two Crone Queens at the prince’s side to kill her, and that we—I—would be nowhere near to help.

Those were the worst couple of days. I am not afraid of many things. Having that hanging over me…it was awful. It was the worst. I never want to be in that position again.

I know Greta can take care of herself. It’s not like I’m going to become overprotective or anything. Her strength and confidence in using it is one of the things I like about her, I would never try to stand in the way of her and a fight she can survive. But her being there alone in the heart of the viper’s nest with two Crone Queens and dozens of enemy Winter Wolves including their prince…those would not have been good odds for any one of us alone. If Elvanna had said the word, she would have been alone, outnumbered, and in their home turf.

…It’s fine. It didn’t happen. It’s over now. Both the Crone Queens and the wolf prince are dead and Greta is safely with us. Cesseer is safe and back with the resistance as well. She’s even brought along some friends from prison who she’s training in the ways of being a Battleflower.

Cesseer’s jailbreak went exceptionally well, especially considering how stacked the odds were against us. I got us in, disguised as a guard with Greta on my arm as herself. We had Xernabeth fabricate some fake anti-magic wristbands so that everyone else would look like they were subdued in the manner of actual prisoners. Then we went from block to block convincing the inmates to join in on a plan we thought up with Cesseer to start an uprising that night.

We then snuck upstairs using a garbage chute, procured all of our allies’ confiscated equipment, and I got into contact with Cesseer with a plan to start the riot right as we got into position to attack the Crone Queen, so that we could take out her device to flood the entire prison in the split second that she was caught by surprise.

Oh, yeah, the entire prison was located under the lake and the Crone Queen was able to flood the entire place at the press of a button, slaughtering everyone inside if she felt the prison was compromised.

Anyways, long story short Aenland and Nestian smashed the staff with the button, we killed the Crone Queen and her disgusting magic slinging giant worm, and everyone was free to go on their way. Some of the prisoners joined our cause. Cesseer and her Battleflowers, obviously. But also a rather amusing group made up of a frost giant and his six gnome companions.

Oh also before we got into the prison we met a plant man who was one of the people who originally killed Illivor, and he offered to re-kill her to reincarnate her as a human again. She left with him and so for the entire prison escape Edeya’s familiar with a Noisoi psychopomp. I do not feel comfortable with that thing. Servants of Pharasma, messengers of the dead. Not exactly the sort to be in mixed company with a necromancer, generally speaking.

Did I miss anything important? I think after my last entry was the library. Right, the library. I met Keisuke at the library. We had a chat. He told me he had something he wanted to talk to me about and gave me another free pass to come to the Nonagon when I had the time. I did so not long after saving Greta. He also confirmed that he had Nestian’s mother’s Eidolon, although he didn’t know it belonged to someone in Nestian’s family at the time of kidnapping her. He denied doing anything to Nestian’s mother, and he claimed she was in danger but the danger was more of her own making than his fault.

Nothing else important happened at the library. We killed the Crone Queen. Well, really Nestian killed the Crone Queen. The rest of us killed a bunch of banshees, and wraiths, and I made a bunch of fuckers worship me as a god. I also got a book Keisuke needed for something.

Anyways, after I saved Greta I told Nestian I had a plan to try to save his mother’s Eidolon from Keisuke. And I did—with the information I had at the time, which it turns out was woefully inadequate. I think it was a rather good plan for the information I had though. I was going to sneak Roscoe in invisible and have him get the Eidolon out while Greta and I took up Keisuke’s attention. I also made a crawling hand out of Jadrenka’s mother hand (oh we killed her again by the way) to track the Eidolon if I failed to save her and which would have a scroll of plane shift tied to it for the Eidolon to make use of. And if Keisuke caught them I’d just lie, claim some other necromancer must have stolen control of my pet from me and was trying to play us against each other, and that I’d never seen the crawling hand before—after all I don’t make a habit of creating such weak undead. I’d then back up the lie by destroying Roscoe and the hand with a flame strike—that would conveniently just barely miss the Eidolon and hopefully give her enough time to get out.

That is…not what happened. At all. Because the Nonagon that Greta and I arrived to was a very different one than the one I’d shared tea with Keisuke in and seen the recording of my Grimm Rider self in the weeks prior. There was something very wrong with the Nonagon this time. His recorded song played, first normal, then in a disturbing slowed down mockery of Keisuke’s voice. There were nine doors around the room. One in particular seemed to have a violently bright light coming from behind it. Keisuke implied that the Eidolon was behind that door. The light, blocked as it was, was painful to see. Opening the door to save the Eidolon just then would have been a fool’s errand. Doing it stealthily would have been impossible, and the light would very likely have done a great deal of harm. And that’s assuming she could even be removed from behind the door with the Nonagon in this state.

Keisuke told me to ask Nestian to ‘get his mother out of his walls’. Apparently, somehow, Nestian’s mother was causing some of the decay of the Nonagon. Although it was apparently also because Artrosa didn’t have a warden and the Nonagon was set up right on top of the Eon Pit.

Remember how I mentioned above that we killed Jadrenka’s mom and I cut off her hand to make that crawling hand?

Yeah. Oops.

So apparently the Eon Pit being fucked was tearing holes in space-time, which was spitting time dragons into the middle of Whitethrone. So that’s not exactly ideal.

Jadrenka had already made her way to Artrosa to see to things, and there’s a Crone Queen messing with the Eon Pit, so we’re going to have to go there eventually anyways. I’ll just have to see about fixing the Nonagon while I’m there.

Besides that, Keisuke also revealed a bit about what he’s been doing to me. And why he’s been called a thief by a number of people we’ve met. Apparently he’s learned a modified version of the simulacrum spell, which he can use to channel the abilities of other beings. But he can only make this connection with beings he’s done harm to. As we spoke he was working on creating a simulacrum of some fancy elven man whom I saw in a vision of Keisuke’s past after I gave him the book I’d procured from the library. The man was some sort of apprentice or something to the man who wrote the book. Keisuke had broken a glass and cut the man’s hand as he was moving to take his leave, feigning it being an accident. It was calculated. To hurt him.

To make creating this simulacrum possible.

I left Keisuke to his work, and looked around the Nonagon before taking my leave. I was looking for proof of one simulacrum in particular. Each door showed me a sort of vision. The first was some small thin box or device. I’m not really clear on what I was seeing. However what I did recognize is that the object had the number ‘999’ on its side. I don’t know what that means, beyond fitting with Keisuke’s nine motif.

The next number of doors all showed me visions of people who Keisuke killed. A goblin, a human alchemist, a human wizard, and finally what I was looking for. What I knew I would find but was hoping I would not.

A half-orc man, his heart being ripped out. A vision I’d seen previously in the Eon Pit, when I made the pocket watch mine.

Nestian’s father.

If Nestian chooses to fight Keisuke in the end, he will have to fight a shadow of his father as well. And we will have to fight all these fragments of warriors from Keisuke’s universe whose powers he pilfered. It is not an idea I’m keen on. It’s even more reason I’d prefer to keep things amicable between us and Keisuke, although I fear that it won’t turn out that way. Keisuke’s personality simply clashes with the others too severely, even disregarding the fact that he’s personally done things to harm Nestian’s family.

I’ll stand with my friends if it comes to that. I don’t want to fight Keisuke. But I can’t fight the others.

At one time I thought that if it came to a fight between the others and Keisuke, I would stay out of it, refuse to fight either side. Or throw some Oracle’s Vessels on both sides and heal whoever.

I don’t think that anymore. If the others fight Keisuke, I’ll stand with them. I won’t like it. I won’t take any pleasure in killing him. I might not even throw my most brutal spells at him. Better to die by fire or Destruction than having every bone in your body broken. But I will stand with the others if it comes to that. They’re more important to me than…whatever it is I want from Keisuke at this point. I don’t even know. It’s not like I need him to gain mythic power. I have a wish from Baba Yaga all lined up for that. And he’s said it himself that I’m likely more powerful than him at this point. So there’s nothing he can teach me, sans the simulacrum spell, which I have no real interest in pursuing. So what do I want from him? For him to see me rise to greater and greater heights, because he’s the only one who’s seen me at both my most powerless and most powerful? It’s true, there is a certain satisfaction to that. No one from my old life would understand the greatness of the power I wield in the way Keisuke does, and yet he also knew me when he first raised me in that cave, when I was powerless. I don’t remember it, but I know I must not have known how to use my magic back then—I didn’t even know I had latent magical abilities back when I died. The others, they’ve only known me while I’ve been remembering how to wield my power—the Grimm Rider’s power. I’ve had power and mysteries from the moment I met them.

I don’t know. I guess there’s something about someone knowing one of those other versions of myself. Calio Caecos the boy who died in the cave, who was raised to become The Grimm Rider, who died and became Calio Caecos again—but this time touched by power. A man who can bend titans to their knees and warp reality to his will. All of these were me. And yet each was in a way a death and rebirth. Quite literally on the death end of that.

The boy in the cave on his way to Irrisen following a feeling and looking for answers…back then I would have killed one of the others for a taste of power and immortality. Without question, without a second thought. What’s one life compared to all I could do with a hundred lifetimes immortal? What’s one life when it’s in the way of what I desire?

I don’t know what the Grimm Rider would have done. I still don’t remember my time under that title, and I will never get that time back. But given that I had continued relying solely on myself, from the moment I left Keisuke to the moment I orchestrated my own death to avoid a more permanent demise, I suspect my choice would have been much the same. And I’d have had the means to do it in that lifetime, too. Although I did give Cesseer that warning. I didn’t have to do that. I chose to do that, to help her. To give a woman enslaved by a dragon and looking to escape to the stars a chance. So maybe the Grimm Rider had some glimmer, some beginning spark, of what’s grown in me since then.

But I said it back when we saw Baba Yaga’s past. When we learned about her once-friendship with Vigliv, and the way she betrayed the Norn to protect her thread of fate and cement her power and immortality.

I’m not as strong as Baba Yaga. I wouldn’t be able to do that to my closest companions. Not even for immense amounts of power.

I didn’t expect to ever actually be faced with that choice. To actually have it dangled in front of me. It was a theoretical last time I wrote about it.

It isn’t this time.

But I’ll get to that in my next entry. I’m getting tired. Today fucking sucked. I’m rambling, and I think I’ve summarized enough of what we did. I can mention any other important things if they come up. I’m going to plane shift to Abbadon to get my fucking Baykok back (because a daemon plane shifted him there and I only just got the means to get him back. And I fucking hate the piece of shit demilich I took control of to replace him. I also took control of some elephants but those are not practical to take with us so they’re going to guard my demiplane. I have a demiplane now. It’s called Grimm Labyrinthus. I’ll get into it next entry.)

Regardless, good night.

[blackbird0blog]

Naruto Fanfic Recs

A great crack OC/SI-insert. I just wish there was more!

Summary:

Being somehow reincarnated into a world you previously thought was fictional and is filled with bullshit ninja magic killers isn't fun. It is even less fun to find out that any foreknowledge you may have been able to use to your advantage is pretty much as useless as your ability to quote pop culture references like a champ.

Preview:

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, and very, very far away, I did not have to deal with this shit. This kind of language may shock you, but while I look like an adorable eight year old, in actuality I have almost twenty eight years of experience and the temperament of a crotchety old man. If I had a lawn – oh man you can bet no one would be stepping on it.

I raise a darkly tanned hand to the sunlight and sigh, blowing a wisp of blue hair out of my face. I had initially been overjoyed upon realizing that I had maintained a relatively similar skin tone to my original body. My curly hair also returned for a second round. But, of course, I cannot have nice things.

I may be in an anime, but my hair color is just ridiculous. I have blue hair. When I say blue, I mean blindingly bright HEY I’M RIGHT HERE CAN YOU SEE ME I will burn out your eyes aqua blue. Not even the nice shade of blue main characters get. It is pretty awful. And with this whole ninja gig it’s probably gonna get me killed.

Oh, yes. Ninjas.

Lucky me, I was reborn in the Narutoverse. Apparently. Huzzah.

Honestly, this was not a hit my already waning sanity could really afford. Not only was I pushed on into reincarnation instead of facing the pearly gates, but I found out I was spit out into a supposedly fictional world.

I mean, after a couple months of my baby self drooling all over myself, I could kinda get over it. The whole “reincarnation” thing. Well, as long as I never think about my family, all my friends-

-painpainwhyaretheygonecomeback-

-Yeah. As in, can’t think about that at all. Ever.

…Hm, where were we?

Ah, yes. Basically, I can get over the whole “reincarnated” part. Not so much the whole “living in a military state that fully endorses the use of child soldiers and freedom is a thing of the past” part. I am an American. I was practically suckled on the sweet nectar of freedom.

(I may no longer take myself or life in general seriously. If you hadn’t guessed.)

One must also consider the blazingly ridiculous things that happen to this world. I could only stomach so much bunny goddess before I was out. Like, how would I even go about fighting half of these things without OP to the max abilities? Well I’m not planning on it, so I suppose it’s a moot point.

To put this in perspective, while it has some relative good points, I really dislike most of the Leaf’s dictatorship, freedom sucking, shove-you-full-of-propaganda self. My life is in ruin.

I sigh again and gaze at my elevated hand, “Poor Yorick. Alas, alas.”

Hm. What was the rest of that quote?

I hear a sigh, “Miki-kun, please stop interrupting class.”

I look up and see Iruka-sensei staring at me, his gaze slightly pained. His hand is frozen half-way in his now habitual motion of massaging the bridge of his nose. Ah, that poor man. He is some of most fun I have in this life. I can’t help but feel a bit bad though. The only other kid that gets his blood pressure this worked up in Naruto.

Even then he tends to resort straight to yelling with that one. I can tell he doesn’t know how to deal with me. I’m too out of the norm from what he’s used to. My personality, or mostly my seeming babbling words, tends to put most people off kilter. I don’t make many friends this way. But I also tend to be able to do whatever the hell I want without much censure. Are you going to talk sense into crazy?

I blink guilelessly, my arm still posed in the air, seeming to be ignorant to the stares of the whole class. The kid next to me slowly scoots away. I say, “Ah, sensei, I am very sorry. I’m sure no one could concentrate, that having been such a half hearted recital. Perhaps again…”

I sit up straight as if to project my words, but only get out an “Ala-” (ah, now that I think of it, “Alas” goes first, right?) before being cut off.

“NO, no, that’s just- fine. Miki-kun. Please keep further comments in your head unless they are related to class.”

The rest of the class laughs as I bob my head complacently. I consider the pros of telling him why the works of Shakespeare are relevant to all matters of life, but decide not to push him. Iruka-sensei is a good guy all things considered. I don’t like to mess with him too much.

Too much.

He goes on to lecture about whatever this class is on. I think I’m in history. It would be super interesting if the amount of propaganda being shoved down my throat didn’t make me want to choke. Like, this is North Korea level of censorship right here. I’m kinda surprised we don’t pray to the first Hokage, given how much he’s propped up in our books. To the point he is literally called the god of shinobi. Then again, I guess the appointment of real Ninja God goes to the Sage.

I mean, it’s not that I think all the facts in this damn book are straight wrong. If Konoha wins (we always win), it’s recorded as a win. If we lose (Konoha has a history of very few tactical retreats), we lose. This happened then. These institutions were established here. The spin they put on everything is what makes me dizzy.

“The honorable first Hokage singlehandedly brought the entire world of shinobi out of the dark ages. He established Konoha and brought prosperity to the land, making a safe haven for all of her citizens. Now it is your turn to uphold the First’s Will of Fire and keep Konoha safe for the generations to come. Blah, blah, blah.”

Come on, the textbooks tell you to do things. This is not even trying to look like unbiased learning. It hurts us.

Most of the cultural and historical stuff goes like this in every book available to civilians and academy students. I can’t vouch for stuff available to ninja level, but it’s overall disappointing. Having been an International Studies major, cultural stuff is kinda what I do. Did. Whatever.

I can piece stuff together from what I knew previously and what I can get wading through politically charged texts, but it’s not easy going. If I had been a Clan Kid I may have been able to get my dirty paws on some choice info, but no such luck. You’re looking at an Oliver Twist. Olivia Twist? I still can’t quite grasp the state of gender equality here. Kunoichi are generally badass, but a significantly less amount fill out the forces. In fact-

I’m ripped from my musings by the ring of the bell. The kids quickly fling themselves from their seats and run to the door, ignoring whatever Iruka is trying to yell over them. The kid next to me seems particularly eager. I casually take a look at my hand and see that I had accidentally been carving pieces of wood from my desk. Again. Oops. Time to go before sensei notices.

I push my hands against my mutilated desk and attempt to casually mosey my way to the door. I skip down the steps, not trying particularly hard to avoid the stragglers. I take a glance at Iruka out of the corner of my eye. My inattention causes me to bump into someone. Red fills my sight.

Small hands quickly push me away, causing me to stumble. Bright blue eyes glare into my brown ones, and a sharp tooth scowl fills my vision. “Hey, watch where you’re going!” Uzumaki Naruto growls at me, his spiky red hair disheveled.

Ah yes, did I forget to mention that Naruto has red hair and the plot is shot to hell and back?

Silly me.

[evolving-within]

“When you judge, deceive and hurt. You diminish the light that connects us all to the creator”. I just heard that today. What a profound thought.

Einstein proved that everything is connected. That we are all energy. Everything is energy. Energy cannot be destroyed. It has to go somewhere. The western society is really the part of the world that is slow to pick up on reincarnation.

Has anyone ever wondered why Native Americans, South American Tribes, African Tribes, Aboriginals, and many who are from Asian countries like Nepal and India. All view creation, spirituality and understanding in ways that are so far off from what religion teaches? Especially on the west side of this planet?

Since I can remember I’ve always been fascinated with the occult and metaphysics. I was raised in the LDS Church. After my baptism when I was 8, this would’ve been the late 80’s. That I decided I did not want any part of that church. I believe that is around the time I became a nonconformist. I am the only freethinker in my immediate family. That has caused the main problem between my father and I. I believe he is a baby soul. He may be 33 earth years older than I. But in terms of our souls. I’m ancient compared to him.

My views continue to evolve as I continue to experience my life and I learn lessons for the growth of my soul. I also believe I have memories of lessons I learned in a past life find their way back to my conscious mind. I know certain things that I don’t know how I know? I just do.

I often tell people considering suicide. If you end your life. When your soul is ready you will have to come back and learn everything all over again. You won’t get away from what tried to escape in your previous life. I don’t know why I tell people that? How would I know for certain? No one has ever told me that or have I read it anywhere.

Then I was watching a near death experience documentary. Some lady had to tried to kill herself. She learned that after she had died. She choose to come back and face her problems that caused her to make that choice. It sent shivers down my spine. She almost worded it verbatim to how I say it.

There are so many situations like the one I just mentioned that happen to me. I don’t know if it is my soul remembering or if it a download I’m receiving? But it happens to me often. I also feel that we do not see the real other side when we have near death experiences. I believe we see an in between.

I feel we choose that experience to help get us on another path to help us fulfill our destiny. Maybe our lives became stagnant up until that point. Maybe that was the only way our soul would make the necessary decisions to follow the pathway to our true destiny.

I have always believed that we chose the life we are currently living and the experiences we are going through. Some people have asked me “why would I chose this for myself”? The only answer I can come up with is, maybe your soul wanted to experience more and grow further in its evolution of our souls incarnation process.

I must have wanted to learn an awful lot in this life. Because I have had a very hard life. Even though 98% of my experiences were poor decisions I made. That could have been avoided. But nonetheless, I learned an awful lot about myself and what I am capable of handling. I am hoping I am doing a fast track class to learn as much as possible, so I don’t have to come back again. I know death doesn’t and will never scare me. Because I know deep within my core. That I have experienced it before and that I will not ever die. My vehicle in this life will die. But our souls live on forever.

I know I’m from another planet. I know to some that sounds crazy. But that is how I feel. I don’t know where in the galaxy that is. But I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong here. I don’t understand why things happen the way they do on this planet.

I do not understand hate. I do not understand violence. I cannot even watch it on a movie. I don’t understand why people cannot respect all lives including insects. Everything has a right to its life. I have never been racist. I have never cared about anyones sexual preference.

Every time I progress in my souls process. I unlock more information on the purpose of our existence here. I’m just now willing to accept the gifts I have been given to help heal myself. So I can help heal others through my experiences. I have the ability to read energy off of photos. I can use my intuition to read oracle cards very well. The only thing holding me back in life is myself.

Thank you all for allowing me to get these thoughts out of my head and heart. If you have any questions to what I have said or comments. I welcome them. Take care everyone.

[bl00dh0rs3]

I posted 12,237 times in 2022

That's 3,423 more posts than 2021!

250 posts created (2%)

11,987 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ /edge-lorde

@ /hannahblock

@ /utopians

@ /megatronismegagone

@ /tezzbo

I tagged 1,341 of my posts in 2022

#horse.txt - 128 posts

#wizardposting - 38 posts

#vent // - 22 posts

#six eared macaque - 9 posts

#man - 8 posts

#sun wukong - 8 posts

#jttw - 7 posts

#please - 7 posts

#yeah - 7 posts

#jackart - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#this design was kinda thrown together randomly but im ngl. kinda digging it. i see you with that little ponytail sir i see you i see you 💅

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

If Empires s2 Mythical J. Sausage was a romance trope. He would be a purebred Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Tell me this isn't some Grade A, Typical Sausage Behavior.

Tell me it's not. You can't.

21 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#4

I seriously cant stop thinking about the six eared macaque like this is a Problem. Just the whole PREMISE behind the character. Like on a basic literary device level hes just a glassic evil twin/doppleganger--he exists in the story of the Journey to the West to be a metaphor for all of SWK's worst traits and impulses--hes what SWK could be if he wasn't actually trying (at least a little bit) to be a good Buddhist on this taxing roadtrip to India with his companions. They are repeatedly described by the Buddhist concept "being of two minds" (one being baser/simple/the one youre Born with, and the other more. Conceptual and heightened but to a negative degree, i suppose? The translations im looking at rn are rather vague but thats ok i get the feeling its kinda meant to be), and SWK killing him can be interpreted as him finally surpassing as well as accepting those darker parts of himself, and melding his two minds into One. So like the SEM EXISTS to further SWK as a character, obviously.

BUT. HES ALSO GOT ALL THIS OTHER SHIT GOING ON THAT ISNT NECESSARY RELATED TO HIS CONNECTION TO SWK????

Like the fucking six ears! I feel like im going crazy im just repeating the same shit over and over but i seriously CANNOT get over the implications of how his powers of hearing are defined. LIKE

KNOWLEDGE OF PAST AND FUTURE? COMPREHENSION OF ALL THINGS??? AM I FUCKING MISSING SOMETHING HERE??????

The absolute fucking TRAGEDY of the sux eared macaque being set up with these INCREDIBLE powers and existing in name as a play on a very interesting phrase (“The dharma is not to be transmitted to the sixth ear [i.e., the third pair or person]” (fa bu zhuan liu er, 法不傳六耳)), ONLY TO THEN BE LIMITED TO EXISTING SOLELY FOR SWK'S BENEFIT. And the consequence of him trying to OWN this connection by taking SWK's title and completing the Journey on his own is. Being fucking murdered.

Literally rolling around and flailing violently on the floor. What the FUCK man.

24 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#3

I really need a name for this au. Anyway i nailed down their color schemes (flats and some character design-y thoughts notes below)

Aw man im really about to go in on this here, ok--ill stick to just design stuff and a bit of Their Deal^tm for now! ill explain the au in full some other day, with a more polished drawing.

Alright so. I am still doing research, its ongoing, but i think ive decided that, in this au, their relationship is something more akin to... in a past life they were the same, but for spiritual development reasons, the qi that made That person split, and went on to reincarnate as Them--narratively this is going to make them function like. Just normal Foils lmao--just with an added umph of it being somewhat literal for them, in the scope of their world, if that makes sense! I dont want to put myself in the box of calling them brothers, bc it just irritates me, but they are Not going to be romantically involved in this au either--SWK has enough trouble in his weirdly uneventful but still tumultuous love life as it is (👀 at Erlang and ZBJ), im not going to torment him by adding his evil clone to that list LMAO. Also LEMH aromantic as hell bc i said so.

Also their both trans thats very super important. Trans monkeys forever obviously

Anyway, So theyre still sort of "the same person", yet not, as they had still Never properly met (until Liu'er chapter)--their both incredibly similar and incredibly different, due to the imbalance of the energies within them and the actions they took for the majority of their lives. SWK is the yang, extroverted and bold and destructive and take-no-shit, while LEMH is the yin, (at least in this story) by being reclusive and a bit of a pushover for the longest time--the, erm.... Outburst, being the result of built up resentment and imbalance within himself spurning him to overcompensate for what he was lacking. It's kind of complicated and intricate and i like it that way if describing it is kind of rough Pfft--but anyway!

Point is, i wanted ALLLL that to be reflected in their designs by giving them plenty of Contrasting but Complimentary, and even sometimes juxtaposed details! The incorrect yin yang belt buckles/brooches are the most obvious one i think, next to the general warm vs. cold color palettes--then there's Liu'er being shirtless and with shorter hair, just to bring a sense of masculinity into his appearance, counterbalancing the fact that he's otherwise very feminine and in line with his Yin nature. Id say i made SWK's hair longer for the same kind of reason, but given that long hair isnt seen as inherently feminine, mileage can vary on that--if one reads it that way then yay, fun detail, and if not, then you still get to be looking as a SWK with long hair, and thats always a win in and of itself.

The red parts of their face are also matching--SWK's making up the over eye and LEMH's the under eye, to visually indicate the "this is the same person split in two" dealio. I also tried to make SWK appear a bit more Rounded and Soft, curving his cheek tuffs and little beard In a bit more (belying a gentler nature and other. Yknow, Round thoughts underneath his theatricality (contrasting with his yang-ish behavior), while LEMH's is sharp and feathered out (bringing to mind hostility and action and other Sharp thoughts, equally in contrast with his usually yin-ish nature).

They were initially going to both have the fillets on their heads, for reasons Like the ones above, but without a shirt Liu'er torso was feeling empty and i felt like he needed something to break up the grey of his fur--so, necklace. Hes bouta get choked tf out dont worry about it ❤

Uhhh thats all i can think of writing down right now, feel free to let me know if any of it is kind of Eh, constructive criticism and all that--if you saw any typos no you didnt, thank you for coming to my ted talk and have a groovy day

27 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#2

Thinking about au where Liu'er joins them on the journey to the west instead of being killed immediately..... something something swk denying himself and begging the Buddha to destroy SEM for him but obviously he wont because thats Him thats His vices personified its His responsibility so now. Hes being forced to confront his worst self on the daily in order to learn to accept and control it.

Something something swk turning to Tang with bags under his eyes after stopping SEM from doing something Awful and asking "was i really this difficult when we first started out?"

63 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I have so many fucking. Posts i want to redraw as Them. But for now all i have is. Zhu Bajie.

284 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lilitblaukatz]

It's gonna be a hard one

It is only several days left and the screws are so tight already I am in a wice grip of terror.

All that is happening is a result of Will's trauma. But it is not a psychological thriller, it is a supernatural horror.

There is so much speculation to do and I am so used to gaslight that I can't trust myself. I couldn't even trust this (byler tumblr) more or less safe space to share my thoughts. Even when they have undeniable evidence.

Bram Stoker's Dracula by F. F. Coppola is indeed on the list of movies. Why I was so scared to talk about connections I see with this one before I had the evidence? Well, I am going to talk about the toll gaslight (which queerbait is a part of) leaves on our psyche next.

Now to the Dracula connection. I don't believe Duffers watched it just because Winona is in it)

This was one of my favorite childhood movies (yeah I was pretty much ruined for any other genre since I was 5). I watched it multiple times, but the last time was long over ten years ago I'm afraid. I can't watch anything right now so correct me please if my memories are wrong. (short description won't do, they can be inaccurate, I tried to do this with Cider House Rules which I watched over 20 years ago and IMDB says nothing about gays in it, I almost felt delusional and gaslighted again when this movie is one of my first in life with delicate portrayal of homosexuality)

Coppola's Dracula is way different than the book by Bram Stoker. I was obsessed with vampires since 8 y.o. and read and watched shit ton of content. Dracula by Bram Stoker is a cultural phenomenon and the most popular book about vampires. Stoker made Dracula into a cult figure. That bloodthirsty nightmarish creature is leading the line where Freddie Krueger and his pals are.

But Coppola's movie makes 180 degrees and is about love.

Coppola's Dracula is a LOVE STORY which is rivals Romeo and Juliet. Yes, it is that great and equally as awful in terms of lovers' happiness. It is still a horror in the end of a day.

Basically Count Dracula loses the love of his life (she dies), makes a deal with god the devil and becomes Undead. He did this to himself so he could find his loved one when she reincarnates. He became a monster so he could see and recognize her again. And he did.

He killed her lovers and her friend, he IS a monster. But he still loves her. At the end she kills him out of love and mercy, beheading him with a sword. He wanted it too, to save her from becoming a monster herself.

So to the byler.

I don't know how they will show Will's coping with everything in terms of the plot. What allegory they came with. He hasn't got a chance to truly save his friends yet, being the victim and MF GPS (tm) at best. We believe that he will swap places with Vecna in sacrifice. I think that there surely should be a point where Will would be the one and only owner of that upside-down circus. Vecna might use his body to walk on the right side up (and we will have an evil Will that way). But if the real Will'll remain in the UD I hope that Mike will be (or find him asap) with him and of course it won't go to the murder in the name of mercy, but on the contrary they will overcome the hardship together, nevermind monstrosity level Will'll become.

Love conquers all. If I am not mistaken, it is the Coppola's Dracula movie motto. And it is not as positive as it seems.

[sharkjumpers]

@ your tags @skymantles (long post)

RIGHT!!! because you take this child and flip their worldview entirely upside down while proving half of it right! chara HATED humanity, so badly so that they decided that they would be willing to kill six other humans—and themself—to free monsterkind. they did not exclude themself from that belief. they saw these kind monsters who took them in and loved them and made them apart of their family (so close with asriel back when they were alive that flowey says "after all this time... you're still the only one who understand me"!!!!) and instead of holding onto that and thinking "i could live with them for the rest of my life and be happy, i deserve that much", they instead thought "i need to sacrifice myself so that they can be free". they were human, right? it was only fair. these monsters were so much kinder than anyone had ever been to them, and what did they have to offer in turn? their SOUL!! as soon as they realized something could be done to save the monsters (or, as some people interpret, enact revenge on humanity, but i maintain the focus in the home footage was about saving monsterkind, not getting revenge, though there's so much that can be said about those lines) they went all in, no hesitation. (it's really telling of how little chara held a belief in their worth btw). and its a tragedy, it really is, and it should have ended there. their prescence is only really explicit in the genocide route, but by the whole "when i was reincarnated, i was confused" you can glean that NO MATTER the route you choose, chara is there! it's only when you decide to lead chara down genocide they make their appearance. it's like out of necessity really, they had no reason to before. it's like the final straw—Okay, you've proven it to me, human SOUL! We're all awful, everything here is worthless (which is how i imagine they viewed the world BEFORE falling into the underground, so congratulations you've successfully helped undo that progress), let's destroy it all. very 12 year old thinking by the way, it's an incredibly black-and-white way of looking at the world. erase or do not. like jump down mt. ebott or do not. die to save monsterkind or do not. hate ALL of humanity. (kill or be killed.) no in-betweens with chara. very childish, because they're still just a kid. this is all rambly and not going anywhere but yeah by going down genocide you prove them right about humanity, the world, and their false view of themself (i'm here as a vessel of strength to do a job for someone else and that's all i will ever be, whether it's dying to free humanity or ending the world once and for all). but when you choose pacifist you're helping save this kid as much as you do the lost souls throughout the entirety of the game, every small moment, because here's the first human they've ever met who has been kind to anyone. you prove them wrong with every kind choice you make, every monster you spare or take the time to chat with. and ain't that something??

[ibijau]

“I’ve got a sick sense of justice, but you knew that.” 3zun fic? Where things work out between them, somehow, and yet JGY still kills JGS the same way and defends that choice to LXC and NMJ (Or JZX, if he's alive)? Can go full on JGS was stealing his women's energy, hence their sickness/deaths!

warning for mentions of death, rape and murder. Yay, it’s a happy one :D

Nie Mingjue storms into the cell, only for Jin Guangyao to look up and smile at him, as if he were welcoming him into his quarters, rather than locked up and in chains. He smiles just as peacefully to Lan Xichen when he follows their lover inside, pretending not to notice the other man's obvious distress. 

"I hope Da-ge and Er-ge will forgive me if I do not stand and bow to them," Jin Guangyao calmly says, rattling his chains. 

Nie Mingjue stares at him, taken aback. 

Even though they have reached a tentative peace between them, and Jin Guangyao often makes efforts to be more open with them than he is with anyone else, he still is the same person he always was. When he gets in trouble, he makes himself pathetic before them, almost on instinct. Sometimes it annoys Nie Mingjue, but other times it feels almost like a joke between them, as long as Jin Guangyao has that twinkle in his eye to show he knows he won't be taken seriously. 

To see him this calm and detached is unsettling. Nie Mingjue can only wonder if it has something to do with that large bruise on the side of his head. Going by the colour it is at least a day old. No cultivator of Jin Guangyao's level should have let this last this long. 

"Ah, this," Jin Guangyao notes, feeling their gaze. "Zixun was not very happy and let it be known. I am sorry to present myself before you in such a state, but my powers have been sealed, and I could not do anything about it. Please, just avoid looking at it." 

That makes Nie Mingjue frown. If Jin Zixun is behind one bruise, he's ready to bet there are more, hidden under Jin Guangyao’s clothes. He forces his mind to drift away from the worry he feels, because the real problem today is… 

"Did you do it?" Lan Xichen asks, something wavering in his usually calm voice. 

Jin Guangyao placidly looks up at him. 

"What do you think, Er-ge?" 

Lan Xichen trades a glance with Nie Mingjue. 

What they think is that Jin Zixun, who uncovered the plot against his late uncle, is not the most reliable man in the world, and holds a grudge against Jin Guangyao since that near fiasco with Wei Wuxian at Jin Ling's hundredth day party. 

They think also that he did bring convincing evidence. The most critical one is the testimony of a woman who took part in the murder of Jin Guangshan. She says she did not see the man who paid for her services, but she would recognise his voice. She also did see Xue Yang, and they all know the little creep respects no one except Jin Guangyao. 

They think that Jin Zixuan is desperately trying to prove his half brother's innocence, but finding it difficult. 

They think that Jin Guangyao has killed his superiors before. 

They think he promised he wouldn't again, and they both made the choice to trust him. 

And Nie Mingjue thinks, also, that although they've disagreed on means and motives, Jin Guangyao never strikes unprovoked, which he says out loud. 

The tenderness in Jin Guangyao’s eyes as he hears this is nearly unbearable. 

“Da-ge, are you really asking for my side of the story?” he asks in disbelief. 

It might be sincere. It might be feigned. Nie Mingjue never knows with him, just as he suspects Jin Guangyao never knows what to expect from him.

“We know your father was not… the kindest of men,” Lan Xichen says gently, kneeling down next to Jin Guangyao to send some spiritual energy into him and help him heal. Jin Guangyao sighs in relief, but keeps his eyes on Nie Mingjue even as Lan Xichen continues speaking. “You have let us know about some of the things he’s done, A-Yao, and I’ve long suspected there’s more you never told us. If he did anything to deserve such an end…”

“Of course he deserved it,” Jin Guangyao cuts him, still looking at Nie Mingjue. “You both know it as well as I do. He deserved it whether I had a hand in it or not. He was a selfish man. He only joined the Sunshot Campaign because he hoped to become what Wen Ruohan had been. He only took me in because his true son, forcefully kept from the heat of the action, failed to garner glory for Lanling Jin. And I won't get into the details of everything that happened with Wei Wuxian."

"But none of these things are why you killed him," Nie Mingjue retorts, suddenly convinced that Jik Guangyao really did it. 

Once, it would have filled him with rage to realise this. Back when he first understood what sort of a person his efficient and soft spoken friend was, when he saw Jin Guangyao murder his own captain… But since then, Nie Mingjue has learned to forgive, at least somewhat. Because when Jin Guangyao killed Nie Mingjue’s men in Nightless City, he took care to only murder those who once derided him for his background, to lightly wound the ones who never mocked him. 

It was still wrong, those were still good men, but Nie Mingjue, who had been burning for years with his hatred of the Wens, understood that better than he ought to have done. 

So there is no anger as Nie Mingjue too kneels down next to their lover. Only disappointment. In himself, for wanting to excuse this most awful crime. In Jin Guangyao, for not coming to them this time, when he thought something was wrong. They had listened about Wei Wuxian, they would have listened about this too. 

"Some brothels offer specialised services," Jin Guangyao says, the smile on his face shifting from loving to cold and polite, the way it used to be around his father. "I suppose this doesn't surprise you. Someone with money can always get what they want in this world." 

Both Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen nod uncomfortably. 

"Some of those services offered are of a rather different nature," Jin Guangyao goes on, his eyes growing distant. "They are difficult to perform, cannot be repeated, and cost an obscene amount of money… not to speak of the moral cost. It takes a certain kind of man to purchase such services. Believe it or not, even Xue Yang found it distasteful. For all the wrong reasons, but still, I think Da-ge and Er-ge will agree that it takes a lot to shock someone like Xue Yang."

Lan Xichen takes their lover's hand, trying to comfort him, but Nie Mingjue freezes. He is suddenly reminded of certain rumours, gossip so foul that it had to be exaggerated. He's always refused to pay it any mind, knowing well there were horror stories about him as well, as there always are against powerful men. 

He can't escape it now.

“It’s not hard to find human cauldrons, if you know how to look for them,” Jin Guangyao states in a voice devoid of any emotion, staring somewhere in the distance. “And some men will always look for an easy way to improve their cultivation, even if it means raping and killing a girl for it. There are addresses, and certain euphemisms. These days, you would ask to see a Wen girl. I’ve learned that a few years ago, people called them educated women.”

Nie Mingjue only frowns at that comment, but next to him Lan Xichen gasps in horror, squeezing Jin Guangayo’s hand.

“Your mother…”

Jin Guangyao blinks a few times, and forces himself to look at Lan Xichen. It appears to take him great effort. Nie Mingjue wonders if it is the topic that causes this, or if the blow to his head caused more damage than is visible.

“No, don’t worry. She was just actually educated. It didn’t mean the same thing in Yunping as it did in Lanling, but my father found her attractive enough for his other purposes, I suppose.” Jin Guangyao looks away again, his face growing harder. “Others were not as lucky. It is all too easy to get what you want, with enough money.”

“You should have told us,” Nie Mingjue says. “If you had come to us with proof…”

“My father is not so stupid that he would have left proof,” Jin Guangyao hisses between clenched teeth, still staring at the wall. “Even he would have had trouble justifying doing such a thing to augment his power. I only found out because I went to fetch him with Xue Yang at a brothel one day, and heard him discussing in detail his next… purchase. Xue Yang happened to be knowledgeable about certain euphemisms we were hearing, and thought it entertaining to explain to me. After this I started looking. It’s funny what you find, when you look for it. It wasn’t proof enough to openly attack him, not with my background. But it was enough to be sure. And then…”

Jin Guangyao chuckles darkly, his eyes finally meeting Nie Mingjue’s.

“I’ve got a sick sense of justice, but you knew that,” he says with unnerving calm. “Xue Yang was on board because he thinks that sort of thing is cheating. Torturing the dead and cutting them from their reincarnation doesn’t phase him, but he knows it could have been him, if he’d been born a girl. And so we did what had to be done. My father died the way he lived.”

He pauses a moment, taking in the expression on his lovers’ faces, from Lan Xichen’s horror at that confession to Nie Mingjue’s anger that once again, this took clever man made all the wrong choices.

“Nobody else would have dared to stand against him,” Jin Guangyao adds, smiling feverishly, his gaze on Nie Mingjue. “But I’ve always been one to do what others wouldn’t. Someone has to get their hands dirty, Da-ge. I’ve never minded doing it when my turn came. I wonder if you will, now that you know the truth? You’ve always been such a champion of justice, always telling others to be righteous. Let’s see what choice you make, now that justice isn’t such an easy thing to decide.”

[simp4kuvira]

The Guilty Consequences

My second-ever fanfiction! I tried to approach this using an angsty/hurt/comfort angle. Hopefully it’s satisfactory. Likes and reblogs are always appreciated 💚

Summary: Kuvira has achieved everything she's ever dreamed of. The Avatar and her fiancé are gone, Republic City has fallen, the Earth Empire is fully united, and there's nothing obstructing her goals anymore. But why does she feel the guilty consequences of her actions gnawing at her psyche?

Rating: Mature for foul language and mentions of death and violence.

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Kuvira

Word count: ~3,950 words

To read on fanfiction.net, click here.

To read on AO3, click here.

“Great Uniter?”

Your gentle voice draws Kuvira’s attention away from the cockpit’s windows of her enormous mecha suit, which is currently situated over the rubble of what used to be President Raiko’s office. After successfully stopping Team Avatar from meddling in Kuvira’s efforts to conquer Republic City, the rest of the United Republic of Nations fell neatly into the hands of the Earth Empire. Korra and her friends were clever enough to believe that kidnapping Kuvira’s so-called fiancé and using him as a bargaining chip would convince her to give up the assault on Republic City. Little did they know, Kuvira was ecstatic to seize the opportunity to rid herself of the engagement and wipe out Team Avatar for the good of the empire. One simple blast of her mecha’s spirit cannon directed towards Future Industry’s factory killed two birds with one stone. Of course, Kuvira still had to worry about Korra’s reincarnation when the new earthbending Avatar came of age, but seeing as how they would be reborn into the Earth Empire, the Great Uniter was not concerned about the future Avatar’s actions for now. She would worry about that problem on another day. For now, the aftermath of Republic City’s defeat was a more pressing matter.

The corner of Kuvira’s lip twitches upward in a faint smile when she turns to meet your gaze. You stride towards her and wrap an arm around her waist before planting a quick kiss on the beauty mark underneath her eye. A noise of contentment emanates somewhere deep in her throat as she leans into your touch. “You know you don’t have to call me Great Uniter, Y/N. Especially not when we’re alone.” 

“Oh trust me, I know,” you retorted. “I just thought it would be fitting to use your official title to commemorate you on a job well done. The Earth Empire is completely unified now thanks to you.” 

Kuvira’s eyes flicker back to surveying the remnants of Republic City. “You flatter me, Y/N. I hardly completed the effort on my own. There were my soldiers, my engineers, and don’t forget the radio technician that triangulated Team Avatar and Baatar’s location in Future Industry’s factory. We’d still be at war with Republic City if it weren’t for their intel. I owe my success to my loyal followers, and especially to you. I don’t regret appointing you to draft annexation treaties for the states that yielded peacefully.” She chuckled softly. “I would’ve never gotten to know you so intimately if I hadn’t done that, much less had the privilege to call you mine.” She presses an innocent kiss to the corner of your mouth.  

You scoffed playfully and pulled back from Kuvira’s waist. “You give yourself too little credit! Not many people would’ve had the mental fortitude to take out your strongest opposition using the spirit cannon. The Earth Empire exists because of you.” You lower your voice and snuggle back to Kuvira’s side. “You know… I’m kinda glad that you did it, even if it sounds awful. It’s unfortunate that Korra and Baatar are gone, but at least we don’t have to worry about the Avatar for another sixteen-something years. We don’t have to hide our relationship from everyone anymore, and you don’t have to pretend to be attracted to some gross guy. We can be authentically together in peace while you build your nation. That’s what matters.” A twinge of guilt spreads through your chest when you dare to defile Korra and Baatar, but you ignore it as best as possible. This is for the best, you repeat to yourself. Funnily enough, that phrase has become a personal mantra for both you and your lover.

You felt Kuvira’s muscles stiffen almost imperceptibly when she heard the words “Avatar” and her ex-fiancé’s name on your lips. Surely she must feel relieved that she doesn’t have to fake being in love with a man as a cheap cover-up for her true sexuality, even if he was taken out of the picture a tad bit brusquely, to say the least. She also doesn’t have Korra breathing down her neck anymore, so what gives? Kuvira’s eyes are glued to the windows offering a panoramic view of the leagues and leagues of wreckage. She remains uncomfortably quiet. 

Unsure of whether or not Kuvira wants you to remain clinging onto her, you start pulling away when she shows no sign of breaking the silence. You’ve been romantically involved with Kuvira for three years now, and you know that when she clams up, there’s no use trying to pry her open until she’s ready. During the first few months of your relationship, she would often have trouble separating her outwardly ambitious and cunning persona from her inwardly vulnerable and tender true self. On days where her reunification efforts fell behind schedule or the Avatar knocked her carefully calculated plans awry, Kuvira’s sour mood leaked into your personal lives. At times, she would inadvertently lapse into Great Uniter-mode while you were trying to relax together after a long day’s work. It wasn’t until you gently coaxed her out of her tension that she began to share what was weighing heavily on her mind. You supported her as best as you could, but when it came to more delicate topics, such as her childhood, her relationship with her adoptive family, or her innermost feelings, Kuvira shut down. She would come clean to you when she was prepared to talk. All would reveal itself in due time. 

You murmured something vague about seeing her later as you padded quietly towards the door. Just as you were about to leave the mecha’s cockpit, a feeble voice called out for you to wait. Stopping in your tracks, you spun on your toes to look at Kuvira. The orange sunset filtered in through the windows and outlined her body in a shimmering glow, which seemed to have a softening effect on her unusually tense body language. Her entire frame was as rigid as a steel beam, legs shoulder-width apart, arms poised behind her back. Her brow was furrowed ever-so-slightly and the corner of her eyes were pinched, as if she was lost in thought or fighting off a headache.

“Y/N,” she ventured. She inhaled sharply before continuing. “I thought reuniting the Earth Empire and conquering the United Republic of Nations would be… different. Ever since Suyin refused to stabilize Ba Sing Se and share Zaofu’s progressiveness, I believed I was the only person competent enough to take initiative. I stepped up to the plate and accomplished my goals. The Earth Empire is stronger than ever. I’m finally in the position to launch industrialization and modernization campaigns in villages neglected by that archaic monarchy everyone despised. I restored order where there was anarchy. I stopped lawless bandits stealing from the poor. I gave resources to the needy when we annexed states, yet…” her eyes flutter closed for a moment as she pauses to collect her thoughts. When she reopens her eyes, her jade colored eyes plead silently at you. Even when you’re standing across the cockpit from each other, you notice that her shoulders are trembling ever-so-slightly. 

You’re astonished at Kuvira’s rare moment of vulnerability. Usually it takes her a few hours, maybe a day or two, for her to open up about a touchy subject. Even then, she’s not one to show emotion so openly on her countenance, not unless she’s severely distressed and totally certain that you and her are alone together. You took a few hesitant steps towards her. 

“You thought winning would be different, huh?” Unsure of how to proceed, you decided to try your hand at a bit of light-hearted banter to see if it might have an effect on your lover. “Well, yeah winning was going to be different! You made your plans based on the assumption that Korra would always be a pain in the ass even after we annexed the United Republic and started our projects, but now you don’t have to worry about her anymore! What about the wedding? You don’t have to marry a guy you don’t love, and we don’t have to worry about hiding our relationship from everyone. Isn’t that a weight off your shoulders?” Despite your confession, you knew the loss of life was a tragedy. You convinced yourself that it was for the greater good, and you knew Kuvira shared your sentiment. This is for the best, you recited. You shimmied towards her and reached out to hold her gloved hands in your own. Icy fingers of anxiety began to spider its way throughout your chest when you looked into her eyes plagued by fear. “Kuvira… is everything alright?” You squeezed her quivering hands for emphasis. 

Kuvira’s eyes flitted to a spot right over your shoulder. “That’s not what I meant, Y/N. I meant I thought winning would be better than this.” 

“Better?” 

“Yes. Better.” It appears Kuvira is becoming irritated at you.

“Kuvira, I won’t understand what you’re trying to say if you keep beating around the bush like that. Why isn’t this better?” 

Kuvira lets out an exasperated groan and yanks her hands away from you. “Don’t pretend to be stupid, Y/N. You know what I’m talking about. There’s more good in the Earth Empire than bad. At least, that’s what I keep trying to convince myself. This is for the best, we would always say. I made more progress than what I took away from people. The price I paid— no, the price other people paid— for my progress was justified. Isn’t it?” Kuvira’s voice falters on the last two words tumbling out of her lips. “What good is ruling the Earth Empire if all I have to show for it is a pile of rubble? Just look at this! How am I supposed to uplift my people if this is what I have to work with?” Her voice steadily rose in volume the more she spoke, until she was practically yelling when she swept her arm to the window showcasing Republic City’s destroyed buildings. 

The adrenaline rushing through your body begins to drown out all hopes of rational thought and speech. You find yourself raising your voice to match your lover’s anger. “Kuvira, I thought this is what you wanted. You wanted to tear out the old and bring in the new. That’s all you ever talked about when we were campaigning. Why are you changing your mind now?” 

“For fuck’s sake, don’t you see? You even said it yourself! It’s a tragedy that the Avatar and my ex-fiancé and all these other people are gone.” Kuvira’s eyes flash dangerously with seething rage. “Why did I make other people pay for my hopes and dreams for the Earth Empire? I dethroned Prince Wu and ridiculed him in front of the whole world, I threatened to let people die if they didn’t join me, I forced Varrick to build a weapon of mass destruction, I destroyed the most spiritual and sacred tree in the Foggy Swamp for the sake of violence, I didn’t hesitate to put dissenters in reeducation camps to be brainwashed and dehumanized.” She takes a ragged breath before bellowing “I murdered people with my spirit cannon. Why didn’t you fucking stop me, Y/N?”

Your voice reaches a shrill pitch as you hurl back your rebuttal. “I didn’t stop you because this is what you wanted,” pointing an accusing finger towards Kuvira to accentuate your points. “You’re charismatic enough to make other people agree with you. You convinced yourself you were doing this for everyone else’s good, and you convinced me, too. Don’t you remember? This is for the best. No one stopped you because you locked yourself in an echo chamber filled with people that agreed with your plans. And when someone did have the courage to speak up, you sent them to reeducation camps, threatened their lives, or outright killed them.” 

“So you think this is my fault?” Kuvira takes an intimidating step towards you and looks down upon you threateningly. Her voice drops to a dangerously low growl. “Me? This is all me?” 

“Now it’s your turn to stop being dense, Kuvira. You just admitted that you thought winning would be different and you just gave a guilt-ridden speech about making other people pay for your mistakes. Open your damn eyes!” 

Kuvira abruptly pivots her body away from you and takes several steps back. “You are dismissed, soldier,” she whispered in a cold voice as unyielding as steel. She resumed looking out the window with her arms behind her back. 

“Seriously, Kuvira?” you moan. “You can’t just push me away like that when you’re so close to realizing the truth. Why don’t you listen to me? Why don’t you listen to yourself?” You cautiously take a step closer before she whips around and metalbends a fragment of her shoulder plate in your general direction which misses your face by a mere hairsbreadth. Your body freezes as your mind races to comprehend that Kuvira would dare threaten your safety. 

“Leave me, Y/N.” Kuvira refuses to look at you.

You stand motionless for a moment that stretches on for an eternity as your eyes overflow with bitter tears. The cockpit’s door slams loud enough to reverberate throughout the mecha suit as you plod your way down to the nearest exit and catch a ferry to Kuvira’s base of operations on Air Temple Island, knowing she would meet you there when she was ready to be calm and civilized. The whole time you spent traveling from the giant mecha to Republic City’s docks, throngs of weary-eyed refugees peeking behind piles of rubble plagued your sights. Thankfully, the two bodyguards escorting you to the personal quarters you shared with Kuvira kept the masses at bay, but the stark reality of so many war-torn people suffering from the conflict infected your guilty conscience. You roughly dismissed your bodyguards once you set foot on the Island and wasted no time briskly marching to your shared bedroom. You hoped the evening’s darkness masked the silent tears flowing down your cheeks. 

 Your nightmares consisted of petrified throngs of innocent people fleeing Kuvira’s army. Exhausted bodies toiling away in reeducation camps. The terror etched upon soldiers’ faces as Kuvira intimidated them with violence. And finally, a vision of what you imagined Baatar’s, Korra’s, and the rest of Team Avatar’s last moments on earth must’ve been like before an overpowering purple light burned their bodies out of existence. 

You jolted upright in bed drenched in a cold sweat and gasping for air. “Fuck,” you stammered under your breath over and over. “Fucking fuckity fuck. Kuvira really did convince me that everything was for the best, didn’t she?” You didn’t want to believe it at first, but the nagging voice lingering somewhere in your head relentlessly reminded you that this destruction wasn’t worth thousands upon thousands of ruined lives. 

Your only job in the Earth Empire’s army was to help expedite the political and legal process of unifying a country. If your position was relatively peaceful and bloodless, you couldn’t begin to imagine Kuvira’s guilt about orchestrating this three year long operation. How am I supposed to convince Kuvira to see the light? you pondered. She was so close to realizing it before she snapped at me. Maybe I can talk to her again and—

An abrupt knocking shook you out of your thoughts. I thought I told those guards to leave me alone. You shuffled to the door and slid it open, half expecting for it to be another diplomat’s messenger begging for you to revise this oh-so-important legal paperwork that couldn’t possibly wait until morning, until you looked up and saw Kuvira slouched against the doorframe. Her chocolate-colored hair cascaded about her shoulders, and her uniform was rumpled from head to toe. You could count on one hand the number of times Kuvira allowed herself to look this haggard, and frankly, the fact that she looked this way hours after your fight in the cockpit led you to believe that maybe she had taken your advice seriously. 

“Kuvira?” you gasped.

“Y/N,” she mumbled feebly. “I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to see me after how I reacted, but I don’t know where else to go.” Her voice quavered. “I don’t have anyone else who I can trust with these feelings that are eating me up inside, and I thought maybe you could…” her sentence trailed off unfinished. “Before you left, you mentioned that you knew all of this,” she gestured vaguely at the surrounding area, “was wrong, but I convinced you that it was okay, and I convinced myself that it was okay too, but now I realize that it’s wrong and for fuck’s sake I don’t know what to do about it now.” The last of her strength escaped her body and she crumpled to the floor in a heap of unrestrained sobbing.

Swooping down to the floor alongside her, you promptly wrapped your arms around her shoulders and nestled her into your embrace. Whatever animosity you felt because of how she shooed you out of the cockpit had dissipated. Your fingers threaded themselves into the locks of her hair as you whispered soothing words. 

 “I’m so sorry I pulled the entire world down with me. I’m so sorry I ruined nearly everyone’s life.” The full force of her words bubbled out of her mouth uninhibited by her previous attempts of restraint. She couldn’t stop talking now if she tried. “I saw how hopeless my nation was after it descended into lawlessness. I was willing to pay the ultimate price to nurture it into something stronger than ever before, but I didn’t realize I had no authority to take away other people’s autonomy. I had no right to take lives, no right to let people suffer when I didn’t get what I wanted, no right to let people starve on the streets if a state didn’t join the Empire, no right to usurp power, no right to throw the entire world out of balance by murdering the Avatar just to achieve my vision.” She buries her face into your nightshirt before choking out her final sentences. “I’m so sorry I pulled you down with me, Y/N. I especially didn’t want to threaten you the way I did earlier. You’re the last person I ever want to hurt.” 

You feel that Kuvira’s sorrow is rather misplaced. She shouldn’t be entirely apologizing to you, but rather to the whole world and everyone whom’s lives she changed for the worse. But now is not the time to object to her apology. For now, you let her weep into your chest for several minutes until her tears subside and her body stops trembling.

After her emotions have stabilized somewhat, you help your lover stand on her feet and guide her to the edge of the mattress. You gently work out the knots in her hair using your fingers and begin to strip the layers of her uniform off her body. She tries protesting by claiming that she’s perfectly capable of doing it herself, but you discourage her by pressing a finger to her lips and muttering “you’ve had a rough day in more ways than one. Let me help you get ready for bed.” Once you’ve helped her don her nightclothes, you stretched yourself out on the bedsheets and gently pulled her into your protective embrace once more. 

Several minutes of silence pass like this, Kuvira curled up flush against your body, before you felt it was safe to express your thoughts about her confession. “Kuvira, I appreciate you apologizing to me, but I’m not the only person you should be apologizing to. Telling me you’re sorry isn’t going to absolve all of your guilt.” 

“I know,” she said. “I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but you were the first person I felt I needed to apologize to before I kept going.” 

“I say this with love, but I think you owe an apology to the entire world. You can’t keep living in guilt like this.” 

Kuvira pauses briefly before saying “I don’t think I could live with myself if I keep being the Great Uniter. The position I created for myself carries too much blood and suffering.” 

“Does that mean you’re going to stop being the Great Uniter?” 

“I think I’m going to convene with all the major world leaders. Raiko is still around somewhere, and so is Prince Wu, Tenzin, the Beifongs, Fire Lord Izumi. I still want the country to be modernized like the rest of the world, but I think it’s best if they take the reins. I don’t think they’d appreciate me doing the work after how I’ve hurt everyone. I’ll arrange a speech announcing my decision to permanently step down. And then,” she takes a shaky breath, “I’ll happily walk into a courtroom and accept whatever punishment the law deems fit.”

“I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to take such a drastic decision so quickly, but I’m glad you did. I’m not blameless either, Kuvira. I’m sorry for enabling you. I hope I can make up for it by being with you every step of the way.”

An unamused grin creeps upon Kuvira’s face. “Even if it means we’ll go to prison together?”

“Especially if it means we go to prison together,” you chided. “How else would I keep you company? I wouldn’t leave you all by yourself. Maybe we can be cellmates.” Her face is still marred red-rimmed eyes and a slight scowl. If you dared to tickle her, she might crack a genuine smile for the first time since Republic City fell. 

You dig your fingers into Kuvira’s side, eliciting a sharp yelp from her before she’s overcome by a fit of giggles. The sound of Kuvira’s mirth is a treat she rarely shares with anyone, especially since she shouldered this massive enterprise. Who knows when you’d ever get to hear or see her happy like this?

A fraction of the tension in her body has melted away after her laughter subsides. “Thank you sincerely. Your support is priceless, and so is your humor.” She snuggles closer into your body before murmuring “I love you, Y/N” into your shoulder. 

“I love you too,” you whispered before you both drifted off to sleep. The peace between you and Kuvira would be radically different, if not uncertain, by the time she calls upon the world leaders and steps down. For at least this one silent night, you can cherish your last few moments of freedom together with her.

[nealiios]

The Supernatural 70s: Part I - Corruption of An Innocent

"We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us - we're soldiers writers."

-- with apologies to the screenwriter of "Stripes"

Dear reader, I have the darkest of revelations to make to you, a truth when fully and wholly disclosed shall most assuredly chill you to the bone, a tale that shall make you question all that you hold to be true and good and holy about my personal history. While you may have come in search of that narrative designer best known for his works of interactive high fantasy, you should know that he is also a crafter of a darker art, a scribbler of twisted tales filled with ghosts, and ghouls, and gargoyles. I am, dear innocent, a devotee of horrors! Mwahahahaha!

[cue thunderclap, lightning, pipe organ music]

Given the genre of writing for which most of you know me, I forgive you if you think of me principally as a fantasy writer. I don't object to that classification because I do enjoy mucking about with magic and dark woods and mysterious ancient civilizations. But if you are to truly know who I am as a writer, you must realize that the image I hold of myself is principally as a creator of weird tales.

To understand how and why I came to be drawn to this sub-genre of fantastic fiction, you first must understand that I come from peculiar folks. Maybe I don't have the Ipswich look, or I didn't grow up in a castle, but my pedigree for oddity has been there from the start. My mother was declared dead at birth by her doctor, and often heard voices calling to her in the dead of night that no one else could hear. Her mother would periodically ring us up to discuss events in our lives about which she couldn't possibly have known. My father's people still share ghost stories about a family homestead that burned down mysteriously in the 1960s. Even my older brother has outré memories about events he says cannot possibly be true, and as a kid was kicked off the Tulsa city bookmobile for attempting to check out books about UFOs, bigfoot, and ESP. It's fair to say I was doomed - or destined - for weirdness from the start.

If the above listed circumstances had not been enough, I grew up in an area where neighbors whispered stories about a horrifically deformed Bulldog Man who stalked kids who "parked" on the Old North Road near my house. The state in which I was raised was rife with legends of bigfoots, deer women, and devil men. Even in my childhood household there existed a pantheon of mythological entities invented explicitly to keep me in line. If I was a good boy, The Repairman would leave me little gifts of Hot Wheels cars or candy. If I was being terrible, however, my father would dress in a skeleton costume, rise from the basement and threaten to drag me down into everlasting hellfire (evidently there was a secret portal in our basement.) There were monsters, monsters EVERYWHERE I looked in my childhood world. Given that I was told as a fledgling writer to write what I knew, how could anyone have been surprised that the first stories I wrote were filled with the supernatural?

"The Nightmare" by John Henry Fuseli (1781)

My formative years during the late sixties and early seventies took place at a strange juncture in our American cultural history. At the same time that we were loudly proclaiming the supremacy of scientific thought because we'd landed men on the moon, we were also in the midst of a counter cultural explosion of interest in astrology, witchcraft, ghosts, extra sensory perception, and flying saucers. Occult-related books were flying off the shelves as sales surged by more than 100% between 1966 and 1969. Cultural historians would come to refer to this is as the "occult boom," and its aftershocks would impact popular cultural for decades to come.

My first contact with tales of the supernatural were innocuous, largely sanitized for consumption by children. I vividly remember watching Casper the Friendly Ghost and the Disney version of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I read to shreds numerous copies of both Where the Wild Things Are and Gus the Ghost. Likely the most important exposure for me was to the original Scooby Doo, Where Are You? cartoon which attempted to inoculate us from our fears of ghosts and aliens by convincing us that ultimately the monster was always just a bad man in a mask. (It's fascinating to me that modern incarnations of Scooby Doo seem to have completely lost this point and instead make all the monsters real.)

ABOVE: Although the original cartoon Scooby Doo, Where Are You? ran only for one season from 1969 to 1970, it remained in heavy reruns and syndication for decades. It is notable for having been a program that perfectly embodied the conflict between reason and superstition in popular culture, and was originally intended to provide children with critical thinking skills so they would reject the idea of monsters, ghosts, and the like. Ironically, modern takes on Scooby Doo have almost entirely subverted this idea and usually present the culprits of their mysteries as real monsters.

During that same time, television also introduced me to my first onscreen crush in the form of the beautiful and charming Samantha Stevens, a witch who struggles to not to use her powers while married to a frequently intolerant mortal advertising executive in Bewitched. The Munsters and The Addams Family gave me my first taste for "goth" living even before it would become all the rage in the dance clubs of the 1980s. Late night movies on TV would bring all the important horror classics of the past in my living room as Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, the Invisible Man, the Phantom of the Opera, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Godzilla all became childhood friends. Over time the darkened castles, creaking doors, foggy graveyards, howling wolves, and ever present witches and vampires became so engrained in my psyche that today they remain the "comfort viewing" to which I retreat when I'm sick or in need of other distractions from modern life.

ABOVE: Elizabeth Montgomery starred in Bewitched (1964 - 1972) as Samantha Stephens, a witch who married "mortal" advertising executive Darren Stephens (played for the first five seasons by actor Dick York). Inspired by movies like I Married a Witch (1942) and Bell, Book and Candle (1958), it was a long running series that explored the complex relationship dynamics between those who possess magic and those who don't. Social commentators have referred to it as an allegory both for mixed marriages and also about the challenges faced by minorities, homosexuals, cultural deviants, or generally creative folks in a non heterogeneous community. It was also one of the first American television programs to portray witches not as worshippers of Satan, but simply as a group of people ostracized for their culture and their supernatural skills.

Even before I began elementary school, there was one piece of must-see gothic horror programming that I went out of my way to catch every day. Dark Shadows aired at 3:30 p.m. on our local ABC affiliate in Tulsa, Oklahoma which usually allowed me to catch most of it if I ran home from school (or even more if my mom or brother picked me up.) In theory it was a soap opera, but the show featured a regular parade of supernatural characters and themes. The lead was a 175 year old vampire named Barnabas Collins (played by Johnathan Frid), and the show revolved around his timeless pursuit of his lost love, Josette. It was also a program that regularly dealt with reincarnation, precognition, werewolves, time travel, witchcraft, and other occult themes. Though it regularly provoked criticism from religious groups about its content, it ran from June of 1966 until it's final cancellation in April of 1971. (I would discover it in the early 1970s as it ran in syndication.) Dark Shadows would spin off two feature-length movies based on the original, a series of tie-in novels, an excellent reboot series in 1991 (starring Ben Cross as Barnabas), and a positively embarrassingly awful movie directed by Tim Burton in 1991.

ABOVE: Johnathan Frid starred as Barnabas Collins, one of the leading characters of the original Dark Shadows television series. The influence of the series cannot be understated. In many ways Dark Shadows paved the way for the inclusion of supernatural elements in other soap operas of the 1970s and the 1980s, and was largely responsible for the explosion of romance novels featuring supernatural themes over the same time period.

While Dark Shadows was a favorite early television program for me, another show would prove not only to be a borderline obsession, but also a major influence on my career as a storyteller. Night Gallery (1969-1973) was a weekly anthology television show from Rod Serling, better known as the creator and host of the original Twilight Zone. Like Twilight Zone before it, Night Gallery was a deep and complex commentary on the human condition, but unlike its predecessor the outcomes for the characters almost always skewed towards the horrific and the truly outré. In "The Painted Mirror," an antiques dealer uses a magic painting to trap an enemy in the prehistoric past. Jack Cassidy plots to use astral projection to kill his romantic rival in "The Last Laurel" but accidentally ends up killing himself. In "Eyes" a young Stephen Spielberg directs Joan Crawford in a story about an entitled rich woman who plots to take the sight of a poor man. Week after week it delivered some of the best-written horror television of the early 1970s.

In retrospect I find it surprising that I was allowed to watch Night Gallery at all. I was very young while it was airing, and some of the content was dark and often quite shocking for its time. Nevertheless, I was so attached to the show that I'd throw a literal temper tantrum if I missed a single, solitary episode. If our family needed to go somewhere on an evening that Night Gallery was scheduled, either my parents would either have to wait until after it had aired before we left, or they'd make arrangements in advance with whomever we were visiting to make sure it was okay that I could watch Night Gallery there. I was, in a word, a fanatic.

ABOVE: Every segment of Night Gallery was introduced by series creator Rod Serling standing before a painting created explicitly for the series. Director Guillermo del Toro credits Serling's series as being the most important and influential show on his own work, even more so than the more famous Twilight Zone.

[veiledsilver]

Top five moments you've felt like the universe was messing with you.

Oh boy everyone get ready this is a long list. In descending order, from mildly funny looking back on it to "oh god oh shit oh fuck":

5. Catfishing: College Edition

In 6th grade, I decided to apply to colleges early to see how they were like. I was scared that if they knew I was too young, they'd arrest me. So I created a gmail account as my persona, a white 12th grader named Emilie Alexander. Emilie was planning to go into nursing, dating a high school linebacker named Kyle Kenderson, and deathly allergic to bee stings. If she even came near a bee, she would die.

This part was of the utmost importance.

See, I was constantly paranoid that one day, the jig would be up- I might forget that my fake last name was Alexander. Or the college dean might come knocking at my door and tear up my home in his mad search for Emilie. If that happened I would fake her tragic death, presumably caused by one big fucking bee.

I secretly collected my information. What nearby states were the prettiest to visit. Which colleges were the safest and most affordable. How often they held courses that I liked. In my emails with colleges I tried to sound as mature and professional as possible.

Then, one day, a college member asked me what high school I was in, so they could check my records.

My blood froze.

It was time to bring out the bee.

In response to their question, I sent an email that was like this:

"Dear Mr. McLaughlin, I was a proud graduate of- ugh! Ah! Kyaaaa! Uwaa! W-w-what's this... huge goddamn bee doing here?! Eek, pardon my foul language! It's just that, as I told you earlier, being stung by a bee would kill me.... and now it's stung me thrice (three times)!!

What do I do?! I can't die... I've always wanted to attend your beautiful college...

But this is... the end...

Mr. McLaughlin...

*looks at you sadly*

Tell... my mother... I loved her...

*dies*"

He never responded, probably because he was rendered speechless, but I never touched that account again.

My private gmail for fun stuff like tumblr still has "Alexander" as a surname, though.

4. Wild and Authentic

Alright. Alright. So. My art teacher in middle school.

Right off the bat, they endeared themselves to the tumblr art kids- they proudly used they/them pronouns, dyed their hair vibrant colors, deeply encouraged OC creation, and was chill with any art style even if it was anime. Mx. Mason was very cool, except for one thing.

We had complete artistic freedom when it came to their assignments, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

Drumroll, please.

Take a deep breath if you must.

Ready?

...

Cats had to have extremely distinct whisker pores.

YES, they believed that modern depictions of cats were too streamlined. Too... idealized. As a cat owner themselves, they were convinced that society's vision of cats did not do their feral feline ancestors justice. In making their faces flawlessly smooth-furred, we were stripping the cat of its true nature.

I found this out the hard way, when I was drawing warrior cats fanart for class (it was of Firestar cuddled in the arms of an orange haired anime catgirl who was his reincarnation in my first ever comic series, Warriors Neko Desu! ♡ Heart Academy Dokidoki).

Mx. Mason came over to look at my magnum opus, and I expected them to have their socks knocked off at my artistic talent. They lifted up my drawing for all to see, and I smugly leaned back in my seat.

Only for them to launch into a passionate lecture about how, in neglecting to draw whisker pores on cats, I was DENYING THIS FICTIONAL CAT OF ITS WILD AUTHENTIC SELF.

My friends absolutely lost it when I told them this story, and there was a period of time when all our discord nicknames were wild and authentic too.

As for Firestar and his counterpart Hoshineko Orenji-chan, I never did give them wild authentic whisker holes, but that's to be expected of a kittypet, I guess.

3. Stan Jungkook Or Whatever

A couple years ago, my family and I flew to Seoul, South Korea, to visit our relatives and teach me more about my heritage. It was very nice! I got to visit shrines and festivals and palaces, and I was in awe that this was what my ancestors had once seen in their daily lives.

Then, when we went to the modern side of Korea, I realized just how much I didn't fit in.

It was clear that I didn't know how to act, or how to speak Korean, and I spent my days fumbling around and getting scammed multiple times by salesmen. But I clowned myself the most... during an interactive event with kpop stars.

They had this experimental event where holograms of the boys would sing onstage and dance in place of the actual idols. Before the show began, girls could stand in booths that scanned their appearances, and holograms of THEM could dance onstage with the hologram boys.

I didn't know this.

When Cousin Ae-cha told me to step inside one of the machines, I thought I'd be hilarious and stand backwards, so it would scan the back of me instead of my front. As I walked out, I saw other girls putting on their best makeup, cutest clothes, and most expensive accessories, and I slowly realized that I was in danger.

But the danger didn't come until halfway through the concert, where the boys looked eagerly off-stage and a holy staircase appeared and all the hologram girls descended from heaven. There were cherry blossoms. There were roses. There was me, among the crowd of beautiful airbrushed girls, walking backwards.

I felt the judgemental gazes of twenty girls and their mothers.

Each boy danced with a girl, who got a cute animated moment with special effects, and sang about how they found a dream girl to have a true love romance with. Finally, all the girls vanished except one, and it was me.

One of the boys didn't dance with any girls, and now he was all alone in the rain, feeling dejected that HE did not find his true love girl to have a dream romance with. Then the rain stopped, the sun came out, and I emerged. Still backwards.

He was thrilled and sang about how my face (that he didn't see) stole his heart, and now everyone in the audience was giggling, and he slowly brought me very close to kiss me... but because I was backwards, his nose was cutely nuzzling my hair.

The audience members- at least the adults- were now laughing their asses off. His lips met the back of my head, and together we vanished into the wind.

I'd say I couldn't show my face there ever again, but I never did show my face, so... hm...

2. Horrid Little Temptress

If I wasn't a minor, I'd need a drink before starting this story. Sadly, I cannot drown my sorrows- and neither should you after you hear this, because it's only fair.

Mrs. Appleby was my Spanish teacher in like, 9th grade. Even the wild and authentic art teacher thought she was insane. Appleby forced kids to brew tea for her and yelled at them when they didn't get it right, and I thought she had a chronic squint until I realised she just did that to mock me and my Asian eye-folds. She forced us to watch Dora the Explorer to "absorb knowledge." Everyone fucking hated Mrs. Appleby.

But the worst thing she ever did... was during the school festival.

See, whenever she's angry, she zooms right into kids' faces to scream at them. Her wrinkled flesh would blot out the goddamn sun and all you see are her bloodshot yellow eyeballs so victims just stayed rooted to the spot like cornered animals or something similar. This is important.

Because when she was sampling her own brownies (read: hoarding them so no one else could eat them), one parent foolishly decided to grab one and she thought it was a student and she grabbed his wrist so hard she could've nearly snapped it and... and... zoomed into his face.

Except she underestimated his height and kissed him by accident, but it was more like her mouth was sucking in his face like a vacuum.

His wife was shrieking like an ape. His kid, my classmate, saw his social life flash before his eyes.

In her defense, she did not mouth to mouth with him on purpose and afterwards she cried in the bathroom and when I foolishly followed her in to comfort her, because I am a teacher's pet through and through, she snatched the paper towels I got for her and wailed that she was a-

A-

HORRID LITTLE TEMPTRESS.

If I had decided to not be kind, I never would've heard that string of fucking words. But I did. And I paid for it dearly. The end.

1. Violence IS The Answer, Sometimes

Thomas, my dearly detested.

Back in sixth grade, I used to have a crush on him because he had the surfer boy look with nicely tanned skin and pale blond hair and the clearest aquamarine eyes I've ever seen. He also liked surfing and swimming. He seemed like the perfect little trophy waifu except for one absolute dealbreaker.

He and his parents were extremely conservative and so, when I told him I liked him, his response was basically "haha no you're a [slur] and would probably eat my dog."

I was horrified and ran away to cry. But then, by the next day, I decided I needed to punish him. Thomas walked in before class started and I was waiting for him with these hands. I kicked him so he doubled over, slammed his face into his chair's seat, and quickly clambered on top of him to SIT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. He started shaking and twitching and trying to pry me off, but eventually he went limp and stopped moving.

I thought he fell asleep, but Mohammed, another classmate who was bullied by Thomas, told me that Thomas might never wake up again (not that he was very sad about this. I didn't know until later, but Thomas said slurs at him too).

While I was sitting on the guy, he'd straight up passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Screaming and crying, I told our homeroom teacher that Thomas suddenly fainted, and she was the type of Caucasian that thought all little Asian kids were sweet and innocent, so it didn't even cross her mind that? It might've been me? Who sat on his head when she walked in?

He was sent home early that day. I had to go to a different school next year because Thomas's mom threatened legal action. The only reason I didn't get punished further was because my rich cousins out-Karen'd her and donated a huge amount of money to the school to keep them quiet.

Anyway, I never did anything that insane ever again, because something like that is enough for a lifetime. My cousins made it clear they would never back me up again. I was sure this whole event would be put behind me, too.

But last fall, during my first day of online learning... who did I see in my zoom meeting... BUT THOMAS! I had my mic and camera off, but the moment he saw my name, his face went pale. His soul would've left his body, but then it would've gone to hell, so it wisely decided to stay inside.

Still, out of shame and embarrassment, I never turned my camera on for the rest of the school year.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #836: Doing the Jack-O Challenge (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

2:35 p.m. at Smash Mansion's Living Room......

Palutena: (Walks By the Living Room) Hey, Bayo, got any plans for- (Immediately Stops Walking While Her Eyes Widened at What's In Front of her) today?....

Bayonetta: (Happily Waves at her Girlfriend While in a Sort of Crouch like Position) Hello, my darling goddess!~ How's it going?~

Palutena: Uhh.....Bayo? What exactly are you doing right now?

Bayonetta: I'm doing the Jack-O Challenge.

Palutena: (Raised an Eyebrow into More Confusion) The Jack-O what now?

Bayonetta: Jack-O Challenge. It's the new trend on the internet where everyone is trying to imitate a woman doing a fairly unusual crouching position.

Palutena: Okay. So......why exactly are you doing it yourself?

Bayonetta: To see if I have what it takes to do it myself. I seem to be doing a fairly decent job at it, don't you think?

Palutena: (Trying her Hardest Not to Stare at Bayonetta's Butt for Too Long While Blushing) Yeah.....You are.... REALLY getting the hang of it so far....oh gosh......

Bayonetta: (Giggles Softly) Awwwww~ Am I making my beautiful goddess flustered back there?~

Palutena: (Immediately Glares at Bayonetta) N-NO! It's just.....The whole "Jack-O Challenge" or whatever the hell you're doing had just took me by surprise is all.

Bayonetta: Perhaps....(Starts Wiggling her Butt Left and Right in a Bit of a Seductive Manner) But you ARE enjoying the view, right?~

Palutena: (Facepalms Herself While Sighing in Defeat) I am....... Honestly, why do you always have to be a tease?

Bayonetta: It's just who I am, baby. (Starts Smirking Teasingly) That and and it's always amusing to see you blush like a cherry blossom~

Palutena: ('Sigh') Fair enough. Just try not to get yourself hurt, okay?

Bayonetta: I'll be fine, darling~ This is already feeling like a cakewalk already. (Turns to Palutena) Care to tag along?

Palutena: Wait. You....want me to do the challenge with you?

Bayonetta: (Smiles Brightly) Of course I do, dear~ It wouldn't be fun do this all alone. Plus, it could be good exercise for the both of us to endure together.

Palutena: It does seems to fit the role of an exercise......(Nodded in Agreement) Alright. I'll join you as soon as I get change. (Make Her Way Back Upstairs) Don't hurt yourself while I'm gone!

Bayonetta: 'Kay! ('Sigh Dreamily') I love that adorable goddess so much~

Few Minutes Later......

Dark Pit: (Walks in the Living Room With Misako and Kyoko) So you're telling us the whole big foot stories we're all false?

Misako: Yep. I mean seriously, who would be dumb enough to believe all of- (Eyes Widened at What is in Front of Her) That?.......

Kyoko: (Eyes Widened in Genuine Awe) Wooooah......

Dark Pit: What fresh hell am I looking at now?.....

Bayonetta: (Waves at Her Angel Son While Still Doing the Jack-O Crouch Along With Palutena) Hi, sweetie!~

Palutena: (Trying her Hardest to Keep her Balance in Check) H-Home so soon?

Pit: Yeah.....We were going to watch some TV in living room till we see you two here doing..... whatever this is.

Misako: Are you guys actually doing the Jack-O Challenge right now?

Bayonetta: Right on the money, my dear!~

Dark Pit: (Raised an Eyebrow in Confusion) The hell is the Jack-O Challenge?

Misako: (Turns to Dark Pit) You know that crouching animation Jack-O does in the game? Apparently it gotten popular enough that it became an actual challenge on the internet.

Kyoko: (Smiles Brightly) And Jack-O is one of the reincarnations of Sol Badguy's girlfriend.

Misako: Who was killed in some kind of freak accident or something....I think she first started off as Justice at one point....(Noticed Dark Pit Was About to Say Something Before She Continues) She become the first Gear that was hell-bent on causing chaos and destruction..... It's best not to ask.

Dark Pit: ..............Oooookay......(Turns Back to his Moms) Why are you two even doing this to begin with?

Bayonetta: Out of curiosity, of course.

Palutena: (Still Trying her Hardest to Hold Still) Your....mother.... asked me...to....do this....with her.....so I figured....."Sure!"...."Why...noTTT! (Finally Fell Down on her Face)

'Thud'

Palutena: (Winces a Bit in Pain) Uggh..... Damnit....

Misako: You're alright, Mrs. P?

Palutena: (Sighs While Sitting Up) Yeah..... I'll be fine, kiddos. This challenge is getting tougher than I thought it would be.....(Turns to Bayonetta) How were you able to do this so perfectly?

Bayonetta: Simple: I've been stretching my body for centuries now that I might have perfected the arts of flexibility at this point. (Gives her Girlfriend a Reassuring Smile) But there's shouldn't fret though. You were doing great so far.

Palutena: (Smiles Back) Thanks.....Been a long time since I've done some...(Starts Stretching her Upper Body) Actually stretches!......('Sigh a Bit Heavily'') I'm still rusty....(Turns to the Kids) Sorry. Did you three still wanna use the living room? Cause we can get out of your hair if you-

Dark Pit: Nah. I think we're good. You two were obviously here first, so we might as well go back to town to do something else.....(Turns to his Two Girlfriends) If it's already with you guys.

Misako: (Shrugs) I'm down.

Kyoko: (Happily Raises her Hand) Ooh! Can we get some ice-cream first?~

Dark Pit: .....Sure. (Turns Back to Palutena Before Heading Towards the Door) Try not to hurt yourself next time, okay mom?

Palutena: I try....You three be careful out there in the streets, okay?

Bayonetta: And you two girls be sure to take good care of our precious angel boy while you're out there!~

Dark Pit: I can take care of myself, Witch Mo-

Misako: (Waves Goodbye at The Ilder Couple) Don't worry, Mrs. B & P! You're baby boy is already in good hands.

Dark Pit: (Gives Misako ba Deadpinned Look While Opening the Door) Really?

Misako: (Smirks Playfully at Dark Pit While Walking Out With Him) Really.

Kyoko: (Happily Waves Goodbye to the Couple) Bye, Mrs. B & P!~ Good luck on the exercise!~

Bayonetta: Thank you, darling!~

Palutena: Have a good and safe time!~

'Door Close'

Dark Pit: (Walks Out of the Mansion's Porch With his Girlfriends Following Along) Well, that was something.

Misako: Tell me about it. Didn't know your moms would try and do that sort of stuff.

Dark Pit: Neither did I. Hell, I didn't know that whole Jack-O Challenge meme was even a thing until now.

Misako: Oh, it been around for a while. It just wasn't as popular then until now.

Kyoko: You know, I've been thinking..... Maybe we should give it a try too. As a training exercise

Dark Pit/Misako: (Turns to Kyoko) Training exercise?

Kyoko: (Happily Nodded) Yeah. It could help our back and leg muscles to get more stronger and flexible by each minute.

Misako: That's.... actually not a bad idea, Kyoko.

Dark Pit: Yeah. I mean, I'll doubt we'll be able to last that long do, but.... it's worth a try. Good thinking, babe.

Kyoko: Is it good enough to buy your cute girlfriend a Triple Decker Sundae?~

Dark Pit/Misako: No.

Kyoko: Damnit!

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@ma-lemons

@cyber-wildcat

@mariah2014

@illyrilex

@cyber-wildcat

[having-a-hyperfixate]

The Final Day’‘

This is absolutely going to be long and rambley af so I’mma just put a cut here. This is just one massive post for the entire rest of the game.

Rindo is back in the RG somehow. Which makes less than no sense. What was that crazy beam. Shibuya is GONE there isn’t an RG to send him back to, even if someone did want to send him back?

That beam reminded me of the Jesus beams not gonna lie.

But… Fret. Presumably Nagi and Beat too. They’re. Gone. Poor Rindo… That’s the worst kind of gaslighting. Reality itself is gaslighting this poor kid. ‘Your best friend in the world is gone, so gone that no one remembers him. You don’t even get to mourn properly because there is no one TO mourn.’  I am also not okay.

I assume this random talking to us at Hachiko is the dude I saw a brief glimpse of in a screenshot from the final trailer. Hazuki Mikagi, okay. Everything about this is supremely weird. 

Leading this weirdo around and he asked how we feel about emotions? Um, what?

Was he responsible for that beam of light?

This whole thing is extremely unsettling, I don’t think I like it. The music is all… serene, this guy keeps asking existential questions, who even comes up to some kid clearly having a bad day and demands a tour of the city.

He knows Rindo’s name even though we never told him. Not sure if that was a slip or an intentional nudge that Something is going on but there we go.

‘I should take this chance to apologize for Kubo. He’s a real piece of work.’ WHAT. YOU SEND HIM TO SHINJUKU?!?! IS THIS KID GOD!? WHAT!??!

‘Exorcised’. Like a demon. Which is a psychic rank you can get in the first game, and probably this game, ergo, a thing that exists in this universe.

Okay. So this Hazuki guy is Something Else. I dunno if he’s an Angel or higher or WHAT. He’s something. And he “exorcised” what Fuckwad had Fallen to when he decided not to stop at Shinjuku and continue on to Shibuya. But he only did this after Rindo faught so hard to stop it. And then he gave Rindo what he thought Rindo wanted. And now he’s here trying to understand why Rindo is miserable. Which to us, as humans, is obvious: the people he loved, the connections and family he had made through the game are all gone and worse, no one remembers they ever existed.

And now he’s being offered the chance to try again. This feels like a double edged sword. And I don’t care.

Okay I actually kind of appreciate the thing Hazuki is pulling here. He knows what it is that Rindo wants, I’m pretty sure he’s listening to his thoughts, actually, and in order to make Rindo own up to it he’s arguing the ‘no’ position. Giving Rindo someone to argue against so he can convince himself.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT UDAGAWA.

Bruh some of these clips were in the announcement trailer.

(I can’t wait to read the secret reports. That’s gonna be a wild ride.)

Oooooh that’s what ‘exorcised’ means. That is hardcore. He definitely deserved it but that is uh. Slightly inconvenient.

Can we actually contact Rhyme this time PLEASE. Oooh Rindo worked out Kaie is waiting for Rhyme. :O I’M FINALLY GONNA GET MY MASSIVE COUNTER OFFENSIVE FUCK YES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I’M PUMPED LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!

Who’s gonna protect them. Beat. Really. Just give them the damn pins at this point. They both know their ways around a fight and Kaie might need the backup. If we lose, we’re all toast regardless, and if we win everyone gets put back where they belong.

AAAAAAAAAAAH SHE’S HERE!!! RHYME!!!! Aw… She can’t see Neku and Shoka cuz they’re actually dead. That’s really depressing. Makes sense but like. Oof. Especially for Neku.

I love that Rhyme still has a saying for everything.

This timeline is going to be a mess by the time I get everything positioned correctly lmao

Beat’s ‘How do you know about my sister?! Right, future.’ is never going to NOT be funny. It’s very refreshing to have a time travel plot where people just listen when he tells them shit needs to happen.

Is it acutaly Shiki time ohh my god. I might cry. Please tell me she has a face now. If her face is still illegal I will actually scream.

I’m offended. We didn’t get to go see Shiki. The betrayal. OH but now we might be? Stop playing with me, game. GIVE. ME. SHIKI.

Rindo was freaking out that we weren’t gonna be able to get rid of all the Noise around the café and I definitely threw my hands up and yelled when I saw the word ‘zeptogram’. And I read it before he said it, cuz I read v. fast. Nice to see you again, idiot. Please don’t go berserk again.

I am. Very impressed that Minamimoto managed to work out where the Dissonance Noise are coming from, down to the exact energy source that creates them. He nailed it. Well done sir.

I think… he’s proposing we awaken the city and use the energy generated by the thoughts and emotions of the living people to neutralize some of the Dissonance Noise that are waiting in the pin. Erode some of its power.

“How about this: I’ll talk, you type.” Lmao.

I got denied Shiki again. Part of me is annoyed. The other part of me is like ‘are they saving her entrance for when she can see Neku again properly because I can live with that’.

OH the Hishima cutscene is voiced now OKAY. Guess that means this is the one. Rhyme is voiced too. This is gonna be it.

And she speaks Minamioto. Coo.

Huh. Neku’s power is to sync with people. Which he learned to do in the first game. From Mr H, with the harmonizer pin. (Twister is playing and I have Emotions help) And now he’s gonna do it on an absolutely MASSIVE scale. This is insane. I am 1,000% here for it. Sync, Dive, Remind. And if I had to guess, we’re doing this atop 104.

Alright Shiba. ‘Mere. Tsugumi’s eyes aren’t all freaky anymore yay. Oh snap. He’s gonna unleash the Plague Noise against the Dissonance ones. Nice. Turnabout is fair play. I’m kinda sad Fuckwad isn’t here to witness that.

Alright. Change. Our. Fate.

SHIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gave myself a headache ow.

“07734.” “Ew. Hey! Don’t just spout off numbers and walk away, you jerk!” That was amazing.

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. NO. NO WAY. I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY WAY. OH. MY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. This is the first time Neku’s seen him since Joshua failed to stop Coco from killing him. I’m. A puddle. Help. Neku looked so happy. My cat is slightly concerned haha.

Neku still holds his hands like he’s got the headphones. The same pose as in the first game when you scan. This gives me all the feels.

“They’re just mindless thoughts” Okay so I’m mentally exhausted at this point and I processed that as ‘thots’ and it was hilarious. BEGONE THOTS.

Okay this thing right here? This is a final boss. And it is cool as fuck. Too bad it’s trying to END ME. So cool. SO. COOL. Here comes phase 2 lol. I died and had to redo it. FML.

That. Was awesome. A worthy successor to the epic final strike of the first game. 999% eh?

I continue to not like Shinjuku rules. Once you’re a Reaper, leaving means you get erased once the game ends? Disrespectfully, fuck that. Oh don’t you dare, Shoka. Don’t. You. Dare.

Oh, Joshua is here. PLEASE. Lmao Shoka’s reaction. I’m sure he appreciates that, the drama queen.

*facepalms* Joshua strikes again. I’ve missed you, you little shit. You are terrible, but I missed you. Rindo, I’m pretty sure she’s fine. I think captain helpful over here reincarnated her for you. Since you saved him and his city. I guess I’ll see though.

Uzuki and Kariya continue to be adorable. I love them. And yeah, good luck calling in that debt from Minamimoto, Coco. Gooooood luck.

I’m having a lot of Joshua centered emotions right now there is too much Joshua all at once help. “I should have known I could trust you.” You are killing me dude. You really, really should have. I’m going to turn that line over in my head for way too long, I just know it, but let’s try to get through this before my brain turns off completely. “Let’s not keep her waiting.” OKAY THANKS I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN.

What Hazuki was saying about ‘purifying’ as opposed to ‘destroying’ Shinjuku makes me think that restarting it in some form was always part of the plan, so hopefully they’ll have luck with that. It’s still profoundly fucked up that any of that happened, and even more so that it was sanctioned. I’m. Going to be hung up on that for a while once it sinks in.

This poor idiot hitting on Rhyme is about to get got oh no XD

Shiki is breaking my heart. Aaaaaaaah!!! Reunioooooon.

Ooof it’s been a month since Rindo saw Shoka. Big oof. Joshuaaaaaa.

And then they almost got hit by a car lmao. OMG HE MISSED HER FRIEND REQUESTS AHAHAHAHAH YOU GOOBER. Neku really should have warned them that Joshua is Like That lol. Even when he’s being helpful it’s in the must backhanded way possible.

I would very much like to know why on earth Shinjuku needed to be obliterated though. Like. Does that… Happen often? Maybe the secret reports say.

Speaking of, time to get those, along with the rest of the trophies.

!!!! The title screen updated, NICE. Can’t let anyone who hasn’t beaten it see that but NICE.

There’s another Another Day. Oh boy. I am not ready for that madness yet.

Random thought as I was moving this from word, where I typed it: I’m really, really fucking glad they didn’t decide to deal with Mr H the way they dealt with sleezy mcfuckwad. That would have been… I don’t have a word.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

[New draft]

I’m finally getting hitched Tying The Knot Official Words

Wedding Vows

by roy harper, putting the laughter in manslaughter since 1983

A couple years ago, you asked me why I loved you, and I said “I-I don’t know.” Except you weren’t really happy with that answer, I could tell, so I tried to put it into nicer words. I mean, I’ve loved a lot of people in my life, or at least I thought I did. Look how that turned out. And, you know, I kind of write them off when they leave me, or when I leave them, because obviously that means it couldn’t have been love in the first place. But then I know that’s a big fat fucking lie because I still remember all of them, still remember exactly how it felt to tumble head over heels. So maybe they reason they stayed with me forever, despite one of us leaving, has to do with them and not me? And I was about halfway through this awful explanation when Dick gave us a call, told us that dealer we were tracking had just put his dirty little hands in Bludhaven, so we went to go deal with that. 

Both of us were glad that conversation was over, and I’m pretty sure you forgot all about it. But I didn’t. I never forgot about it, and I realized I never really answered your question. So, here goes.

I mean, I thought I was so smart when you met me. Sure, I was at my absolute lowest. But I was 25 and reckless, and the heroin had me feeling like a real person for the first time, you know? A human being, with the kind of secrets a grown-up kept, telling the kind of lies grown-ups told. And I thought I loved the way grown-ups loved. Always on the move, always leaving. Because it was either leave or get left. And I thought that was love. And I thought that was a brilliant idea. I was all dark and tough and had this tragic backstory, and I thought I was fucking irresistible, but only for a night. I thought I was fucking irresistible for a night, and after that I wasn’t worth shit.  

Now, I’m looking back at 25 year old me and the only thought going through my head was, what an asshole. Just, everything about me was supremely dickish. But most of all, it was the way I treated relationships. Do you remember that time you, me, and Kori went to that carnival? And Kori won that strength competition and we got free cotton candy? And I just gorged myself on candy floss, man. I was worse that Wally used to be, back in the day. And then we went on all those carnival rides and I thought to myself, I’d be fine. I run around jumping off rooftops with grappling arrows, and I used to practice marital arts with Dick Grayson. Motion sickness doesn’t happen to me. And then like half an hour later I was puking my guts out and you stood there and laughed at me? That. That’s how I treated love. I gobbled up everything I could get, and it was way more than I could handle, and then I’d throw it all up and run away. 

I’m not 25 anymore, but it feels like I’m still running. Except I can’t get away with what I used to do, ‘cause Kori can hear my fucking heartbeat and you check my arms for track marks all the time and Dick bribed his way into being my second emergency contact after you. So I hide away in my room and sort of melt onto my sofa. But not the good melting, like the way I melt into your mouth like you snipped all my strings. The gross kind of melting where I’m curled up onto the couch and I just wanna hack all my hair off with a knife and it feels like my brain is leaking all over the sofa and I know you killed most of my old dealers but I wanna bring them back to life because just one more hit, I just need one more hit, and I wanna drink myself into a rage but you locked away all the alcohol with a bat-lock that even I can’t break. Figures. It’s funny. You’ll shoot yourself in the neck before you go to Bruce for anything, but if it’s for me, you’ll swallow your pride in a second and get whatever the hell you need. 

I guess I’m just scared. I’m scared that I’m imaginary. I’m scared I’ll always end up reinventing myself every day to spare other people the trouble of having to do that for me. That what I want everyone to see always takes precedent to who I really am. I’m scared that I’ve finally lost it, that I’m crazy, that I’ve finally gone mad. But I’m even more scared that I’m perfectly sane. Because if I’m sane, then what excuse do I have? What excuse do I have for treating people the way I do, like they’re problems that I have to solve or explain or else I’ll just fall behind everyone else.

And that’s where you come in. Fuck, Jay. That’s, that’s when you came in.

I tried to word vomit that last part to you one night when you thought I was drunk and I thought you were drunk but neither of us had had a drop, and we hid behind the curtain of alcohol to have a heart to heart. And you told me people don’t have to be solved or explained. We’re all just ghost stories, and maybe we should just try to stay that way. Because we spend our days doing wonderful things, horrible things, and sometimes there’s no reason behind it. Or, wait, fuck, no. There is a reason. But that reason’s too simple and too straightforward to really be satisfying, you know? And then we keep forgetting the lesson that we learned and re-mystifying these problems that we already solved because deep down we don’t actually want to figure out why we love each other but hurt each other and-

Fuck. Sorry, Jaybird. This was supposed to be a simple answer to a simple question.

I think. Um. No, I don’t think. I know. I know I love you because I have to.

There’s no “why” about it. Any more than there’s a reason why Kori loves the dew drops that gather in the morning grass, or why that old hag in the apartment next to us can’t keep a plant alive for the life of her. I mean, I guess there is a reason. There’s always a reason, there’s always a “why.” I don’t really understand it, though. And you know how much that bothers me, you gotta know how much I hate that. Maybe if I dug around in myself for a bit, really thought some stuff through, talked to some people I thought I was done talking to, I’d figure it out. I’d figure out where all this love comes from. What it’s for.

But then the question would be answered. Why do I love you? Boom, I’d have an explanation. The ghost story would be over. And there’s really no point in telling a ghost story that has an ending, all nice and neat and wrapped up in a little package.

Right now, I think I’m finally at a place where I can just let it be. It’s just you and me. Me sleeping ‘till noon, then waking up to see you in my kitchen, looking like a fucking greek god reincarnated, a smile on your face that I don’t think anyone else but me gets to see, flipping an omelette with the same ease and grace that you flip knives. Me in fiddling with a couple spare parts, adding on to my arrows, and you either sliding up behind me, wrapping your arms around my waist and whispering in my ear how good I look in this old tank top or you throwing a greasy rag at my face and laughing at how it messed up the bun I had my hair put up in and telling me to wash up, dinner’s in 10. The two of us crowding around a set of blueprints, scheming and figuring out how to best hurt this one greedy asshole and send him down the highway to hell. And you honestly know all my secrets, all the dark thoughts I had when I was doped up and hating the world and everyone in it. And I’m the only one who knows what really happened in that funky green goo you call a Lazarus Pit, I’m the only one who knows what you went through under the League. The fact that we don’t have any secrets gives me this feeling in my chest, it’s warm and golden and sorta like how you feel with Dick Grayson smiles at you, except this time I think I caused it.

I just hope to god I’m right when I say “I love you.”

‘Cause I do. Jason. I love you. I just, fuck. I like being around you. And for the first time in a long while, I don’t think I’m going anywhere.

Fuck. That was stupid. This barely even made sense anyway. 

[Are you sure you want to delete this document?]

[Document deleted]

[New draft]

Wedding Vows.

From Roy Harper. To Jason Todd. 

I was trying something new with this and I have no idea whether it worked or not but oh well here it is.

[youseethingsandyouknow]

A/n: I just finished the end of DBZ and although I knew what was going to happen, I was annoyed by the ending. I don’t think there’s a need for Goku to be MIA from his friends and family when he’s training Uub on Earth and he has instant transmission. Most of friends and family can also fly so they should be able to visit both ways so I’m not sure why DBZ ended like that. So I made a headcannon of Chi Chi telling Goku off. Also I think they fight like any normal couple so FYI. Also this is the first thing I’ve written in 3 years so be kind. :)

Two Weeks after the End of DBZ

“ We need to talk.”

Goku’s head snapped to the familiar voice and narrowly dodged Uub’s kick. Below, on the ground was his wife with her arms crossed, looking up at their sparring session mid-air. How did she get here?

“Chi-Chi? What are you doing here?” Goku asked confused.

Chi-Chi could feel her anger rising but she refused to let her emotions take over what she wanted to say to her husband. In times past, she let her emotions and short temper cloud her actual feelings and because of that she was dismissed by others, especially Goku. She knows he loves when she gets upset which sometimes works to their benefit and they are able to move past issues rather quickly. But, this time she had to get through to Goku about how hurt she is. She needed him to for once take her feelings into consideration.

Goku descended from mid air and landed right before her with a big grin. Chi-Chi was not smiling back.

“Can we go somewhere private? I don’t think it’s fair for Uub to hear this.”

Goku nodded and lightly grabbed her hand and walked them to the side of the hill under a tree far away from Uub and anyone within ear shot. He knew this is unusual for Chi Chi to be so calm and collected and he waited for her to speak.

She took a deep breath and start, “I don’t understand. Why couldn’t you just take a minute to talk to me about your plan before flying off. I don’t want to hear that there was no time or any excuses. Tell me the truth.”

Goku gazed at her confused, “The truth? The truth was that he is the reincarnated Buu and I need to train him, Chi-Chi. He needs someone who’s going to teach him right from wrong and someone who’s going to show him how to protect the Earth. I’m not gonna be here forever, and I need to know that when I’m gone someone is going to protect the Earth and its people. I didn’t think, I just acted because I knew we have so much work to do. “

“I don’t believe for a second you just acted on a whim. You knew about him for quite some time. You knew that there was a possibility that you might be able to train him depending on how the tournament went. Why didn’t tell me any of this? If you were so bored and unhappy with our life you could’ve just said so instead of running off. I don’t understand how you can continue to put yourself above your family time and time again.”

Goku frowned, “Put myself above my family? One of the reasons I train is so I can get stronger for the next threat. I’m always thinking of my family and even if you can’t see it yet this is about protecting you. Uub is the future, and I have to be the one to train him. So if that means sacrificing time with my family to protect you guys than fine.“

“You are so quick to take the first opportunity to leave us. I thought after all these years that you would want to stay, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Chi Chi, I know you don’t understand but please just trust me. I need to do this. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”

“You’re sorry if it hurts me?! You don’t understand how much it hurts me, Goku. You left! You left me again!”

Now Goku was the one needing to keep his emotions in check. He couldn’t really believe what was coming out of his wife’s mouth. Leave her?

“Chi Chi, when have I ever willingly left you?! I died protecting our son. Twice. I don’t know what you mean by leaving you but that’s never been the case. Do you think I wanted to die? I did it to save our son and the world, and I’d do it again. But if I train Uub right then maybe it won’t be on my shoulders to save Earth in the future. I have to do this.”

“What about Yardrat?” Chi-Chi quipped.

Goku groaned, “Aw, Chi-Chi come on-.”

“Or refusing to be brought back after Cell killed you. Two examples. Two times that you chose to stay away. Two times that you left.” Chi-Chi seethed out angrily.

The hurt etched on Goku’s face made Chi-Chi want to take back those words but the damage was already done. She brought up the most sensitive times of their marriage. Times they both prefer to forgot and worked very hard to move past. All the pain, the fights after Yardrat, and the loneliness after he died were at the forefront of Chi-Chi’s mind. Her self control was out the window. Her anger skyrocketed and she shoved against Goku’s chest.

“Two times you left and I had to pick up the pieces. Two times that I had to wonder what I did wrong or what was so bad about our life together that you stayed away. Two times that I even doubted if you wanted to be with me. And now you’ve done it again. You left ME again, Goku.”

She went to shove him once more but he was quick and caught both of her wrists.

“That’s enough, Chi-Chi!”

It was rare when they fought that Goku raised his voice.

“ Listen, I can’t go back and change the past. I thought we moved past this? Yardrat was over 10 years ago and you know why I had to stay away. I was protecting you and Gohan. As I was when I decided to stay dead.”

Goku released Chi-Chi’s wrists and spun away from her, clenching his fists. He then turned back around and said, “ I don’t know what you want from me, Chi-Chi. I’ve apologized for Yardrat and for staying dead but dammit, that was so long ago and you’re still blaming me! What do I have to do to tell you I’m sorry? Or are you just going to keep holding this against me so that whenever I do something that you don’t agree with you bring it up, huh? All I’ve ever done is try and protect you and I won’t feel guilty for those choices anymore! I’m sorry that training Uub and living here hurts you but this is bigger than you and I. You’re just going to have to live with this.”

Chi-Chi peered down, tears brimming her eyes and she spoke in a hoarse, sad tone, a voice Goku has never heard before and he immediately wanted to take back what he said when he heard her voice.

“I always have to live with it, Goku. At least that won’t change.”

Chi-Chi turned and started to walk back to Piccolo. She said what she had to, Goku said what he said and there was no point in arguing anymore. Once again, her husband’s needs came before her own or their family’s. Now, she knew where they stand, and there was a small comfort in that.

As she walked away, Goku took step forward, “Wait, Chi-Chi.”

She didn’t respond and kept walking away, the silence between them deafening.

Tears ran down her face when she made it to Piccolo. Piccolo didn’t ask what happened and they head back home.

When he dropped her off, she pleaded with him, “Please don’t tell Gohan or Goten about this.“

A week Later

It’s been a week since their fight in Uub’s village. In the past they’ve been under the same roof so they would have been able to confront each other about what happened and move past it together. But with Goku on another continent that reconciliation doesn’t seem possible. Both of them were pretty firm in what they wanted to do, with neither wanting to bend. Chi Chi had to come to grips with a life without Goku once again. She’s done it before, she knew she could do it again although it might take some time. All the other times he’s been gone, he was stuck in a distant place that she couldn’t reach but now they’re on same planet just couple hours away from each other.

When Chi-Chi was feeling depressed, she usually liked to cook a big dinner. Her sons were out playing with Pan at Gohan’s while Videl was visiting her father so it will just be the four of them for dinner. This made Chi-Chi smile. Pan always brightened her day.

As she was chopping the carrots against the sink, a pair of strong hands wrapped around her stomach and squeezed her tightly against a familiar solid chest.

“I’m sorry.” His quiet words whispered into her ear as Goku bent his face and rest his chin on the crook of her neck and held his wife close.

They stood like this for a few moments, peace and understanding beginning to form between them. Chi-Chi was the first to break the silence and turned to face Goku while she was still locked in his embrace.

“I’m sorry too. I was hurt. I know that you would never leave us unless there was a reason. And while I don’t understand why you have to be gone, I know training Uub is important to you.”

Goku smiled down at her and held her cheek, “But you were right, there’s no need to be away and train Uub. I can still train and see my family. So how about if I come home a few days a week after training? I can’t promise I’ll be on time everyday, but I promise I will come home.”

Chi-Chi’s overcome with emotion and hugged Goku tightly, causing him to yelp.

“You mean it? Oh Goku, this is wonderful.”

Goku smirked, “I thought you’d like the idea.”

Before she could answer back, front door opened and her sons walked into the kitchen.

“Dad?!”

[not-delicious-milk]

yo I'm gonna be a coward. I've read fan fiction since middle school, and during that time I've read some truly cursed things. I personally have tried to avoid reading mentor/student relationships cause they squik me the f out. But I've always been more treat the immortals like they are their apparent physical age for shipping. So people trying to lewd the pre pubescent with the excuse that they're immortal are obviously full of shit. pt 1.

pt.2 but shipping like Rukia/ Ichigo is fine cause they're the same apparent physical age and act with about the same lvl of maturity. While shipping him with Yoruichi would be sketch. So full disclosure I don't ship Sukuna and Megumi, I don't really see them having chemistry, and no one has written anything good enough to change my mind. But it doesn't freak me out like Megumi and Gojo. Would you be willing to write why you don't consider the vampire rule to apply here?

i’m not completely familiar with the vampire rule, but i would assume you mean that apparent age trumps actual age when it lines up with mental and emotional development?

personally, i’m not a huge fan of that train of thought -- i agree that it’s important to consider mental age when it comes to immortals or very, very old entities, but actual age is still important. and that’s because of the whole reason why big age gaps are fucked up, i.e an imbalance of power that can easily be exploited. adults have more experience, influence, and physical maturity than children or teens do, which they can leverage to groom or abuse a younger partner. as much as i will admit to not hating twilight that much (breaking dawn made me want to give myself a lobotomy though) and honestly sort of liking the trope of “human girl in love with an ancient supernatural being” or any variants of that, there’s an important distinction that needs to be made with it so it’s not awful.

the answer has little to do with mental age. it has to do with power dynamics.

for a vampire romance (which i’m just going to use as a general term for these sorts of relationships) it is absolutely necessary for there to be some caveat in place to prevent the supernatural party from just taking advantage of the mortal one. usually we don’t even think about that when reading or watching vampire romances, because how could such a charming creature of the night stoop so low? 

but it’s important to note that vampires, in gothic literature, existed to fulfill a very specific role. the repressed victorians loved incorporating taboo subjects into their stories, for the steamy scenes i guess, but couldn’t easily do so within the confines of proper literature. one of those taboo subjects was r*pe, which they both found very hot in a forbidden sort of way and longed to explore in their writing without societal backlash, and if you cast an eye upon dracula or carmilla it’s quite easy to guess where those subjects ended up. 

so, for a proper vampire romance, it can’t just end in a straight up kidnapping or taking by force, both because that would be narratively uninteresting and morally corrupt. sometimes there’s a supernatural reason for it, like a protection that the mortal party has to prevent the immortal one from abusing their powers. for example, bella in twilight is immune to telepathy and later develops a shield power against all vampire powers, preventing edward from being able to take advantage of her or invade her privacy any more than he was already doing, fuck you stephanie meyer. sometimes the mortal party has a power of their own that, while relatively useless in situations where the immortal one can swoop in and save them dramatically, is very useful against said immortal party for whatever reason. for example, kagome’s status as the reincarnation of the priestess migoriko would theoretically prevent inuyasha from harming her; in a more explicit example, nanami from kamisama kiss holds absolute divine control over tomoe and could order him to stop if ever he tried anything she didn’t like. although there’s an age gap in those stories, it doesn’t feel like it, not just because of the immortal party’s mental age but because of their inability to take advantage of said gap.

can you see where this is going? 

megumi/gojo is absolutely foul -- there’s the grooming aspect, the fact gojo knew megumi when he was five and practically raised him as a father, and the implicit power imbalance of a teacher/student relationship. there’s no question as to why it’s so repulsive to think about.

megumi/sukuna is equally repulsive, but really only when it exists in fan works. in the canon, sukuna doesn’t have the opportunity to so much as interact with megumi most of the time, let alone take advantage of him, and yuuji would stop that before it ever happened. it feels like a classic vampire romance because the power imbalance should, theoretically, be nerfed by outside circumstances. of course this isn’t the case in any sukufushi fanworks, because it would obviously be boring for sukuna to respect megumi’s boundaries and also to not date a fucking 15 year old from inside the body of another 15 year old, jesus christ. in sukufushi fanworks, which as i’ve stated is the only place sukufushi even exists, there is always something cancelling out the restraints placed on sukuna’s power, whether it be that he has his own body, takes advantage of “enchain”, is able to take control of yuuji’s body on his own, yuuji lets him out for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter. 

there’s always something like that because sukufushi doesn’t exist as a vampire romance, it exists as something more like tentacle p*rn. 

that’s not a sentence i ever thought i’d write, but i think it makes sense? it’s not supposed to be an actual relationship, it’s more like wish fulfillment for people with degradation and pain kinks. in sukufushi fan works, sukuna wields absolute power over megumi and takes full advantage of the age gap and power gap between them. just like how tentacle p*rn strips away the right to refuse in the face of absolute alien power and a language barrier that keeps consent from being withdrawn, sukufushi strips away megumi’s right to refuse in the face of absolute curse power and sukuna’s inability to take “no” for an answer. this is why all explicit sukufushi fics end with megumi being r*ped or nearly r*ped. 

please don’t ask me how i know all of this. sometimes good fanfics have sukufushi scenes in them and i have to like, scroll past the paragraphs really fast to get back to the plot. it’s just that omnipresent.

in other words, megumi/gojo is more grounded in “reality” (not the reality of a functional teacher/student relationship, but the reality of a 28 year old man really being 28 years old) and absent of vampire romance justifications for the age gap. it feels gross because it is and also because there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be.

megumi/sukuna doesn’t feel that way at first, especially if you mainly see sort of canon compliant shipping of it. it’s really common and also never commented on when people joke about sukuna having a “crush” on megumi based on his lines of dialogue when he says he’s curious about him or whatnot. that obeys vampire romance rules, so it doesn’t feel weird. sukuna really doesn’t want to kill or harm megumi because he’s important to his plans later, so that’s out. yuuji would never let sukuna touch megumi with a 10 foot pole either, so that’s out. really their only interactions are hypothetical, besides that one time in shibuya, and even then literally nothing happened. sukuna didn’t want his pawn to break yet, that’s all. even when people overanalyze it they can’t really get any farther than “looks like someone’s got a crush on fushigurooooo” because that’s the farthest it can go. 

if you start looking into sukufushi fanart or fanfics, which is about 95% of the content for sukufushi anyway because again, it’s not supported by the canon at all, vampire romance is replaced unceremoniously by tentacle p*rn. which is why i hate it so much. 

thank you for coming to my ted talk