#of mind I wanna believe they’re established and stable

[jemmo]

ok what even is that preview clip??? anonymous chatting?? like what fresh hell is this gonna unleash???

[mercurytrinemoon]

Random thoughts on Moon signs and why Aries Moon is annoying to have

I saw this tweet a while ago that had a list of planetary placements to die for. The first one was Aries Sun/Moon. As an Aries Moon myself, my response was "Nah-ahhh you DON'T want that. This is dangerous territory, trust me". And then I started thinking about Moon signs, why does Aries Moon suck, which Moon placements are nice and which not so much.

You know why Moon in Aries is bad? Sometimes you see these kids at grocery shops that start crying and yelling and tumbling on the floor because their parent doesn't want to buy them candy (actually, big chances are, they are Aries Moons, but that's not what I'm trying to convey here). As kids they are going to externalise their angry feelings, I mean, everyone's okay with that, they're kids, it's just candy. Worst case scenario, you're just going to roll your eyes at them. But think of an adult who has this screaming, hurt and angry kid inside. It's still there. It won't magically change signs once you're old enough. And yeah, it's going to yell sometimes. And be a cry-baby. And passionately experience every feeling with their whole self, good AND bad. Sometimes it's going to want to scream into a pillow because it's so impatient and frustrated and it just wants everything NOW. Someone on lindaland once said, “you don't have Moon with Moon in Aries, you just have two Marses”. Touché.

Okay but if you want to know something about Aries Moon, know that it feels the urge to be independent. Hates restrictions with their whole heart. Impulsive. Veryyyy impatient, as we have already established. Hates being told what to do. Having constant battle with their emotions. Open and naive (remember it's the child of the zodiac). Very cheery and child-like on one hand but on the other, emotions are expressed and felt in a very raw way, let's say, with a burning passion. Will chase everything. And you can only imagine how an Aries Moon feels when it catches the thing it wants. Likes being the first one in everything. Physical activity is good for their mental health. Kind of obsessed with sex.

Taurus Moon. It's Venusian. It's exalted. It's nice and cosy. It probably has a nice, soothing voice. Think of Elton John, he has Taurus Moon. Beautiful voice but also an eye for beauty and luxury. Can be stubborn in its emotions but hey, at least it's stable, right? It's sensual, just like everything Taurus, and probably loves food way too much. It's in touch with its own body and the only downfall to that is when a Taurus Moon person experiences negative emotions, it affects their whole body. Like, negative emotions can make them physically ill.

Gemini Moon. Ohh Geminis... You know that Mean Girls quote about Regina George "That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets". I think of that when I think of Gemini Moons. Like, they just know things. They collect secrets like some friggin Finnick Odair. And they analyze them, probably to the point of brain overheat. So, if you don't want a fried mind, I don't advise having a Gemini Moon. Not that you have a choice, but. They also like to talk. A lot. Love to gossip, just sayin. And seem very friendly when you talk to them. I say "seem" for a reason *whispers* don't trust them.

Cancer Moon. Mushy feelings. The homebodies. The family types. The comfy ones, but not in the way Taureans are. Gentle and creative. Likes to take care of others. Kinda reminds me of sitting with a hot cup of tea and typing poetry into your laptop on a rainy day. Idk. All water Moons are overly emotional but Cancer Moon can be moody and changeable and very sensitive to, you guessed it, Moon phases. CLINGY. You guys are clingy, just admit it.

Leo Moon. There's something about them... It's like the star quality of a Leo but it beams from within, you know? It's like something inside was pushing them towards greatness. They just have to believe in themselves and they will shine. Loves creative pursuits, arts, theatre, music, just anyhing fun. Expressive. Charming. Inspiring. Hopeless romantic. Can be flashy too, it's Leo after all. Wanna make them feel good? Compliment them, they LOVE it and need it.

Virgo Moon. Okay... for some reason I know a lot of Virgo Moons and let me tell you... there's something gentle about them. They're quiet and polite and - this is not a commonly talked about Virgo trait, but - they're softies, you know? But they need work, probably to distract themselves from all the thoughts. It's a lot more focused mercurial energy that Geminis, grounded and analytical. But that also makes them prone to overthinking and anxieties. Can be hard on themselves... so they work even more. And unlike Gemini Moons, they're SHYYYYY.

Libra Moon. Everyone loves them. Ugh the irresistible charm. They're the people's people. Again, it's that Venus. The difference is, Taurus loves to be loved and spoiled. Libra will love and spoil others, they just want to be nice and stuff. And they have an eye for beauty and arts. Chances are a Libra Moon person is beauty and art themselves. Has an internal need for relationships. But it's air so has a tendency to intellectualize these relationships... and everything else tbh. Great communication. Social.

Scorpio Moon. They straight up give me the creeps. My sister is a 0° Scorpio Moon so I KNOW. Don't get me wrong, I love Scorpio Suns... but Moons... It's like the water of the water, the over-emotional ones. Kiiiiiind of simmilar to Aries in the sense, that they feel emotions A LOT but it's not straight-forward like with Aries. Instead, it's pushy and passive-aggressive and manipulative, not very trustful and secretive. OH MY GOD, so secretive. It's just intense.

Sagittarius Moon. Ahhhhhh my favourite. And I don't think I say it because I'm Sag dominant... Sag Moons are just FUN. They exude FUN. Their playfulness and cheerfulness comes from their heart, that's why it's so special. Thinks and feels big. Big hopes and visions, maybe too big sometimes. Aries and Leo are focused more on the self, Sag on the other hand, is focused on the world - the actual world or a fictional one. Loves movies and is probably a bookworm. Philosophical. Optimistic and lighthearted. Kind of a dork - whether an adorable or annoying one lol.

Capricorn Moon. I'm sorry but ya'll are just depressing. I have Moon square Saturn so I kind of get the vibe. I feel like having a Cap Moon is like having something squashing you from the inside; very withdrawn. It's cool if you get to work, and Cap Moons can be workaholics and hard workers... But if you give into that hermitism (yea I just made that word up) and get lazy due to... things... or being too overwhelmed by that Saturn energy, you get squashed, basically. Also, fears and lots of reservations. I feel like these guys have issues with that. 

Aquarius Moon. My Aqua friends... let me tell you. They're not necessary weirdos, as people say. But they are humanitarians at their core. Like, THEY JUST CARE. So that makes them sensitive. But not in a watery way. Can be veryyyy aloof and hard to get to. Will probably intellectualize their emotions and try to detach from them. All about people but not like a Libra. Difference is, Aqua wants to be independent. Expressive and intelligent. 

Pisces Moon. My favourite water Moon. It's dreamy and soft. Yeah, a bit flakey, but let’s NOT talk about it. I feel like Pisces Moons just get emotions. They understand them because they're all about the collective. That makes them empathetic. Intuitive. Romantic. The artistic types. DAYDREAMERS TO THE MAX, they’re in another dimension. It’s like sometimes you talk to them but they’re somewhere else. Prolly loves being near the water, it's like the sea is calling them. May have escapist tendencies.

[beevean]

Opinion: How could Sonamy progress in IDW?

[note: the original article was written in Spanish by @latin-dr-robotnik​]

Today we’re going to discuss a recurring topic on my blog, with a more complete perspective.

Today’s article was inspired by an ask I got a few days ago about my possible perspective on the future of IDW Sonamy. I thought it would be interesting to revisit and expand this topic, because it’s still something of great interest for thousands of fans all around the world, and because SEGA has recently adopted a very peculiar position on the couple and their dynamic. As I detailed on my article SEGA and its most recent Sonamy side – more canon than ever, the dynamic has been going through a shift that can be distinguished into two main parts: 1) the commercial potential of Sonamy as a merchandising and marketing icon; 2) the stability of the interactions in the comics, in the short monthly stories on Sonic Channel, and so on.

That being said, there’s no need to mention that we’re going to focus entirely and nothing more than on this ship. I usually suggest other articles for those who prefer to read on other subjects, but today I will recommend our Discord server [translator’s note: the server is mainly Spanish-speaking], where discussions about ships are limited on their own canal that is separated from other themes: general discussions, music, fangames and mods, fanfics, fanart and even gaming in general. As you know, if you want to bring something else to our community, or just avoid talking about Sonamy, you’re more than welcome to join. Now, back on track.

What’s going on with Sonamy in IDW?

To recap what’s happened in these last months: Sonic and his friends finally got through the nightmare that was the Metal Virus, he and Amy hugged a few times, and since very recently they’ve been involved in a short arc about Chao races in Twinkle Park Zone, with a sinister background. In these last months after the eradication of the virus, there have been much closer and warmer interactions between our two hedgehogs, and I suspect that part of this is what inspired that question in the first place: what’s going on?

As I commented in the article where I proposed that Sonamy is “more canon than ever” (I know that it’s an exaggeration, that was the point), SEGA is treading carefully and the main canon seems to be willing to negotiate a more open representation of the relationship between the two in their different continuities, from best friends to something more. What I did not expect to happen was reading an answer from Evan Stanley (artist and writer that replaces Ian Flynn) about their dynamic, summing it up with “they like each other”.

The redrawing of Sonic’s expression when Amy hugs him in a recent drawing of hers made people wonder if this was yet another example of SEGA’s “censoring” (comparison below), to which Evan answered that it was modified to keep Sonic in character: he’s a guy that does not show much emotional vulnerability or too many negative emotions, and this is why sometimes the artists have to adjust WIPs to keep in line with this official point of view. Evan assured that this is not any kind of confirmation that Sonic does not like Amy, and doubles down by highlighting that in the official material, in the wikis and on Sonic Channel they show that, and I quote: “They like each other, but Sonic just isn’t the kind of guy who is going to make goo-goo eyes at Amy or perform grand acts of romance. If you wanna see that, that’s what fan works are for.”

And Evan’s words are a great way to sum up what’s going on with IDW Sonic right now. When it comes to interactions, they’re working with two characters who deep down “like each other”, but both show it in their own way. Amy is much more proactive when it comes to express her feelings, while Sonic only sometimes shows a glimpse of his feelings, with a smile or a small gesture. But at the end of the day they’re still friends and, depending on the situation, the comic can focus more or less on these details.

Comparison between the first sketch showed by Evan and the final product. The modification of the expression was minimal: Sonic’s slight blush was changed into a smile, maybe being a little overwhelmed by the gesture of affection.

The “progression” of the dynamic in the future

A good part of the answer to this question is based on my idea that right now, when it comes to Sonamy, we reached some kind of comfortable plateau. What am I referring to? To the fact that there have been a lot of varied interactions in these last 3 years of the comic, and they’re everything I could have asked for and then some. When we talk about Sonamy in canon, as Evan said, we don’t tend to hope for great romantic gestures from Sonic, we barely even ask for a look that hints that they understand each other beyond what it seems at first glance, so the fact that the IDW continuity is betting so much on this ship is basically a dream come true. For this reason, I don’t think things will change much in the future.

If I have to make a prediction on Sonamy’s future in IDW, I believe that there are still a lot of possibilities that our known writers (and maybe new writers!) could explore more, to see what makes this dynamic work so well. Actually, about 10 years ago, Ian Flynn wrote that if they could take advantage of the abilities and similarities between the two characters as adventurous spirits and with a strong moral sense, they would be “like poetry in motion”. This largely happens in IDW Sonic if you look carefully, but there are always new stories to tell and opportunities for them to work together and explore a bit more their strong bond, stronger than other friendships that they share. When the next major arc comes (which seems to be getting closer), they could explore aspects of their dynamic that are slightly more experimental, like being separated for extended periods of time and under dangerous situations… as long as they don’t turn it into a painful experience like the Metal Virus arc.

What Ian Flynn wrote about Sonamy, what works and what doesn’t. This was written in 2011, when Archie Sonic was still the major comic continuity, and when, according to Ian, Sonic was still “tied” to Sally Acord, leaving little room to the writers’ opinions.

The reality is that I see a stable future for the dynamic in the IDW universe. Sonamy is not fit for a lot of drama (fights, breaking up, etc.) without feeling forced or completely out of place, and only fanfics and fanart could be capable of capitalizing on this kind of content. On the other hand, for reasons I detailed in past articles, SEGA would not dare to alter the established order of the dynamic, let alone new that they managed to recover and maintain control over the ways Sonamy is being portrayed everywhere. SEGA won’t pull a Dragon Prince, which ended up confirming the main ship and then they made them go through a crisis and break up in a heartwrenching way in the graphic novel that acts as a bridge between season 3 and 4.

In short

The future of IDW Sonamy is looking bright and stable. I don’t think there will be serious changes to what we’re experiencing right now, and this is why both Evan Stanley and Ian Flynn agree that the dynamic is practically in the perfect place, keeping in line to how SEGA wants them to be represented together. This means we won’t see more affectionate gestures than what we’re seeing now (I doubt we’ll ever see again Sonic offering Amy a rose like in Sonic X), but it also means that we have now a solid basis for our expectations. In the now old IDW Sonic #2, Sonic and Amy had the chance of seriously talking a bit about what they thought of each other, with Sonic being determined to keep living life his own way (although he wouldn’t mind Amy to accompany him… or even suggesting himself that she could come), and Amy being determined to respect his way of life, because that’s what she loves about him, and she doesn’t want him to change. Since then, all we have seen and we’ll keep seeing in the comic is a consequence of this key moment; the two philosophies that they have and they share, in a constant back-and-forth with some tense moments and some cute moments.

An interesting detail that wasn’t included in the ask and that makes me think is the possibility that all of this will feature in the games as well. This is a completely different matter for another day, but I like to think that there is the possibility that we’ll see SEGA being more interested in inserting more Sonamy in the games, even if in an indirect way like in Sonic Unleashed and its emotional support, especially if the rumors that we’re about to get a soft-reboot are true. Romance is not something Sonic games are famous for doing well… at all, but that doesn’t mean it would be a bad idea to add a little sprinkle of IDW Sonamy in the mix.

And finally, I think I’ve talked enough about this topic, As you know, we’re waiting for some news, and I hope we’ll see each other again here or on our Discord. We’ll see if on this 25th something interesting happens. In any case, see you next time!

The moment that shaped the present and future of their entire relationship, 3 years ago.

[a-green-onion]

The He*archate vs Umberto Eco’s “Ur-Fascism”

ok it looks like I haven’t already done this, so! A lot of fictional Evil Empires use the visuals of fascism (iirc the Star Wars original trilogy did this), but not all of them follow through on making the Empire substantially fascist in ideology and practice. Machineries of Empire certainly has fascist visual components, with its regiments of black-shirted soldiers. Umberto Eco, a writer who grew up in Italy under Mussolini, wrote an essay about growing up under that regime and his ideas about key features of fascist and fascist-like movements (I’ll link it in a reblog, I don’t want Tumblr eating this post. I really recommend it, it’s very accessible and well-written). I want to see how much the he*archate correlates with these. It’s easy to get caught up in all the flashy space battles and gory exotic tortures, but YHL is very into military history, and that’s one reason his despotic regimes work so well--they’re taken from real life.

This is horribly incomplete because in my reread I’m only about halfway through Ninefox Gambit, but...I wanna Post.

An important note to start: Eco uses “fascism”, the name for Italian political movement, to refer to a variety of different totalitarian regimes and philosophies, because “fascism had no quintessence. Fascism was a fuzzy totalitarianism, a collage of different philosophical and political ideas, a beehive of contradictions.” Further, “Fascism became an all-purpose term because one can eliminate from a fascist regime one or more features, and it will still be recognizable as fascist.” Thus, the common characteristics he lists are not features of every fascist movement, and are often features of non-fascist repressive movements. The he*archate does not have all these features, but I think it makes sense to analyze it as a fascist empire.

Without further ado:

1. The cult of tradition, including syncretic occultism. “As a consequence, there can be no advancement of learning. Truth has been already spelled out once and for all, and we can only keep interpreting its obscure message” (Eco).

The he*archate does not do this. As I pointed out in an earlier post, there are no foundational religious beliefs behind the High Calendar. No holy texts, no prophets, just a way of life, a set of practices, and endless heresies.

2. Rejection of modernism. “Even though Nazism was proud of its industrial achievements, its praise of modernism was only the surface of an ideology based upon Blood and Earth (Blut und Boden)” (Eco).

I don’t think the he*archate does this? I might be forgetting something though, feel free to chime in.

3. Action for action’s sake. (Eco)

Kel Kel Kel Kel Kel.

4. Inability to tolerate analysis. “Disagreement is treason.” (Eco)

Yeah that’s precisely how the High Calendar functions.

5. “Ur-Fascism grows up and seeks for consensus by exploiting and exacerbating the natural fear of difference. The first appeal of a fascist or prematurely fascist movement is an appeal against the intruders.”

So, we don’t get to see much of the heptarchate in its earliest forms, and what we do see is in the third book, which I don’t remember super well. I think the he*archate does this, but it’s more obvious how in the context of Eco’s points 5 and 9.

6. “Derives from individual or social frustration” and features an “appeal to a frustrated middle class.”

Again, this talks more about how fascism begins than how it continues. The he*archate is an established, stable totalitarian empire, not a burgeoning movement (which is interesting because by rights this house of cards should have collapsed centuries ago). It would be interesting to look at how the hexarchate uses propaganda but uhhh iirc that’s mostly in the second and third books and I don’t remember them that well.

7. Nationalism, and the obsession with a plot, both as an outside and an inside threat. 

Reflected in how the heretics (an inside plot) are iirc assumed to be aligned with the Hafn (an outside threat). See also point 9.

8. “The followers must feel humiliated by the ostentatious wealth and force of their enemies. [...] However, the followers must be convinced that they can overwhelm the enemies. Thus, by a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak. Fascist governments are condemned to lose wars because they are constitutionally incapable of objectively evaluating the force of the enemy.”

...I think the he*archate might win too many wars for this to be applicable?

9. “Pacifism is trafficking with the enemy [...] life is permanent warfare. This, however, brings about an Armageddon complex. Since enemies have to be defeated, there must be a final battle, after which the movement will have control of the world. But such a “final solution” implies a further era of peace, a Golden Age, which contradicts the principle of permanent war. No fascist leader has ever succeeded in solving this predicament.”

The he*archate absolutely does live in a state of permanent war, against heresy which is everywhere. The he*archate seems to have solved this predicament by achieving a placid, high standard of living for the majority of its citizenry, contingent upon those citizens’ complicity in the ritual torture of prisoners of this “war.” Thus, every citizen is both invested and involved in the fighting and encouraged to identify with its sacrifices, but also able to live in a true golden age. I’ve always thought about this aspect of the he*archate as in conversation with Ursula K. LeGuin’s short story “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas,” but that’s an essay for another day.

10. Contempt for the weak and popular elitism. “Every citizen belongs to the best people of the world, the members of the party are the best among the citizens, every citizen can (or ought to) become a member of the party. But there cannot be patricians without plebeians. In fact, the Leader, knowing that his power was not delegated to him democratically but was conquered by force, also knows that his force is based upon the weakness of the masses; they are so weak as to need and deserve a ruler. Since the group is hierarchically organized (according to a military model), every subordinate leader despises his own underlings, and each of them despises his inferiors. This reinforces the sense of mass elitism.”

This one isn’t an obvious component, but I think it’s present, especially looking at how the Kel talk about “crashhawks”. I’m going to keep a closer eye out for it as I reread.

Cheris is “un-Kel” because she cannot do this. One of the first things we see Cheris do is order her soldiers into a mildly heretical formation to keep them alive, and we see again and again how well she knows, respects, and cares for the people and servitors under her command. 

On the flip side, Kujen is able to become the system’s architect precisely because he despises his inferiors, and sees everyone as an inferior. As we learn in the third book, this does not come naturally to him, but inducing this state of mind in himself is necessary for his success.

11. “Everybody is educated to become a hero. [...] This cult of heroism is strictly linked with the cult of death. [...] In non-fascist societies, the lay public is told that death is unpleasant but must be faced with dignity; believers are told that it is the painful way to reach a supernatural happiness. By contrast, the Ur-Fascist hero craves heroic death, advertised as the best reward for a heroic life. The Ur-Fascist hero is impatient to die. In his impatience, he more frequently sends other people to death.”

Kel Kel Kel Kel.

12. “Machismo (which implies both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality).”

The he*archate absolutely, emphatically does not do this. Plenty of gender equality, plenty of nonstandard sexual behavior. 

But! There is another component to point 12. “Since even sex is a difficult game to play, the Ur-Fascist hero tends to play with weapons—doing so becomes an ersatz phallic exercise.” This might be relevant to the commonness of dueling as a form of entertainment, both as a participant and a spectator sport? I don’t think dueling is particularly eroticized but it’s certainly linked to exchanges of power.

13. Selective populism. “In a democracy, the citizens have individual rights, but the citizens in their entirety have a political impact only from a quantitative point of view—one follows the decisions of the majority. For Ur-Fascism, however, individuals as individuals have no rights, and the People is conceived as a quality, a monolithic entity expressing the Common Will. Since no large quantity of human beings can have a common will, the Leader pretends to be their interpreter. Having lost their power of delegation, citizens do not act; they are only called on to play the role of the People. Thus the People is only a theatrical fiction.”

Not a strong theme in MoE, but arguably, this is how the calendar operates: on the Will of the People, carefully channeled by the appropriate authorities.

Also, not strictly relevant, but everyone needs to see this line: “There is in our future a TV or Internet populism, in which the emotional response of a selected group of citizens can be presented and accepted as the Voice of the People.” Hm.

14. Newspeak. “All the Nazi or Fascist schoolbooks made use of an impoverished vocabulary, and an elementary syntax, in order to limit the instruments for complex and critical reasoning. But we must be ready to identify other kinds of Newspeak, even if they take the apparently innocent form of a popular talk show.”

Again, I’d like to take another look at the propaganda that gets sent out in later books to talk about this properly! The Kel make heavy internal use of euphemisms, but that’s not quite the same thing.

***

Anyway, that was fun, and I hope everyone learned something about how fascism emerges! I encourage you to read the entire essay, chew on its ideas a bit, think about if they apply to other fictional words and to real life.

[kewltie]

omfgggg pregnant!deku. imagine where no. 1 hero is not only an omega but is pregnant and it's still early in his first trimester so he's running around kicking ass but IT'S DEKU so ppl frets and worry over his safety that even villains r like uh i dont wanna mess w/ that. deku is like ridiculously popular & well like even among criminal bc he believes in 2nd chances & rehab of the criminals/villains & fight for disenfranchised youths who fell on the wrong side of the track. so yea, they fight against him but they're also kinda soft for him!!!

so when they found out their fav hero is pregnant & still patrolling there's like some super-secret nonverbal agree among them that they won't stop doing what they are doing but like,,,, nobody fucking touch deku ok or you'll deader than dead. which is ALL KIND OF HILARIOUS bc deku coming to a bank robbery & the criminals doesnt stop their crime but when they fight him, they're like super careful w/ him making sure he doesn't get knock back, fall, or hurt himself too much.

when deku finally captured them and as they're about to taken away, they happily congratulated him on his pregnancy & ask if he'd thought of names yet & one of them is like, "oh, when my husband was pregnant eating X & Y really help with the nausea." and izuku is like,,, thanks???

there's like so many ppl invested in deku's pregnancy that it bizarre bc he's not the first or the last omega to ever be pregnant but he's deku, prohero, no.1 rank, and symbol of hope. all that means is there's a hyper fixation on everything about him esp now that he's pregnant. talk shows, news channel, & celeb gossip show are all talking about it one way or another. whether he's should take an early leave of work or not bc of the danger of his job, the baby's sex, his pregnancy craving, bump watch (I KNOW), & even a countdown to his due date.

the entire country is in a baby fever just bc of deku. everybody talk obsessively about it & even if you find that one person who does not care they def know someone who does. all this happen while deku just go about his day like all of Japan isnt watching his every move lol. the strangest thing about deku's pregnancy is that there's no sign of the other parent?? deku isnt even dating anyone. he never mention any alpha AT ALL, only declaring that he plans to raise his baby all by himself as a single parent which blew their fucking mind bc wtfffff.

look, deku is the most famous omega around, sitting high atop of the world as the no. 1 hero & is adore by the mass--he's greatest omega of his generation some would say so yea there's lot of expectation & hope place on him but deku is deku & he does what he wants. ppl speculate that maybe he's pregnant bc he had a one night stand and this was accident, maybe he has been in a secret relationship all this time, maybe this baby was from a spurned lover or WORST yet a produce of rape... LIKE there's so many rumor swirling around but the answer is actually v v v simple. deku has always wanted a child and since he's nearing 30 right now, he thought it's hightime he has one and the other father? JUST A DONOR. it's nothing serious or complicated as ppl imagine to be.

deku wants a kid and now he has one!! but ppl just can't comprehend how it could be that simple when the most notoble omega in all of japan decide he wants a kid W/O having a mate and he's going to raise this baby all by himself and nope he's not even going to quit his job at ALL to have a family. deku is just--blowing their mind lol

the world doesn't so much get over it as they just kinda get dragged along bc deku does not give a single fuck wut other think and proceed to be immersed in his pregnancy and try to survive the next 6 months while everyone waited on bated breath to see what deku does next. the only thing that stick is the constant rumor mill of who is the donor of deku's baby. they assume that deku wouldn't just pick a stranger bc he's sentimental like that so speculations run amok about every alpha that is closely associate with deku.

there are public polls, betting rings w/ billions on the line, televised debates, internet flame wars, and ACTUAL ARGUMENTS B/T FAMILY/FRIENDS/COWORKERS on who the fuck is deku's donor! even more than deku's baby, they're fucking obsessed on finding out who is the actual donor. the thing is it's not THAT big of a secret. all of class A are in the loop, his mom know (ofc), and even his agency but they all managed to keep it a secret bc deku's privacy is the utmost important & beside the other father would literally MURDER them if it ever get expose.

this is how it went: bullied by his pr team, deku went on a variety show where they have to babysit kids & put through various childbearing challenge while cameras record them for entertainment purpose. It's there when deku realized "ah, I WANT THIS. I WANT THIS V BADLY." deku is climbing close to his 30 now, he's well established presence in the hero world, and his life is pretty stable so it's high time he have his own little family but the thing is babies are two ppl business. they don't just come from thin air so deku did the next best thing.

katsuki would like to say he didn't see this coming the same way you would not expect to be attack by a shark on land, but in this case deku is that fucking shark & katsuki is the idiot that get completley blindsided by him when deku cornered him one day and asked for his sperm.

ok, bakudeku aint dating. they have deep & complicated history that is not only confusing o everybody else but also confusing to them. 'friend' would be to light of a word but anything else is left undefined bc how do you explain more than 2 decades of w/e they are to each other. katsuki doesn't want to talk about the amount of time he'd used image of deku to get off while in rut just so he can survive through it, while the next few days trying to resist punching deku in the face bc he act like a sacrificial idiot who got a cross he wants to bear.

it's not 100% healthy his therapist unhelpfully pointed out but the core of all his volatile feelings have always been named deku & katsuki doesn't know how to compartmentalize it properly bc katsuki may have squashed to something small & insignificant but it's heavy & permanent. so when deku laid his fucked up request at katsuki's feet, he broke the table they were using and nearly walked out if deku didn't catch him by the arm in time.

"kacchan, pls here me out first," deku begged of him, his sweet permeating the air; he's NOT PLAYING FAIR AT ALL. whoever said alphas are the dominate sex in the world have never met an omega, a determine goal focus omega with babies on the brain like deku.

"kacchan, recently i realized that im only getting older so i want a child when i still can," deku explained. "so won't you help me? i know settling down right now is the farthest thing from your mind, but im not asking you anything like that," he continued as katsuki quietly fumed in the background. "i just want your help in making this selfish wish of mine come true. you're among my top choices, kacchan."

Katsuki jerked up. "wait, you mean to say there's a fucking list of alphas you plan to extort their sperm from?" he seethed, feeling like deku had took a goddamn knife to his pride and butcher it completely. "how many other ppl have you asked before you even came to me?!"

"im not extorting anything from anyone." Deku frowned. "and, well, you always lectured me about diving head first w/o any backup plans," he pointed out, "so i made sure to leave several options open just in case the first one fell through. see? i did thought this one thru."

katsuki nearly broke another piece of furniture at the thought of deku asking someone else to father his child as though he was just another face in a long list of ppl deku could use. "What did every alpha on ur shitty list rejected u already so now have to come to me for help?"

deku, who was no.1 for a reason, narrowed his eyes and the air crackled around them. "kacchan, this is extremely important to me so i wouldnt just chose anyone. i only know a handful of alphas i can trust and someone im happy to share the other half of my child with. you're the 1st person that came to my mind when i thought about a child growing inside of me," he said, wrapping his arm around his flat tummy. "despite our many differences you're the one i admire the most. your strength & ambition, grounded by your strong drive & work ethics. the fact that you got where you are w/ your own hands & wits to guide you, i think you're just amazing. so how could i not want those kind of qualities for my own child," deku explained. "im sure a child born from half of your genes you will shine just brightly as you do."

katsuki felt so taken back that found his tongue heavy and words were escaping him. on one hand he felt a rush of pride and a strange sensation of happiness that deku had specifically chosen him out of his potential candidates bc of the greatness he had seem in katsuki but he'd also narrowed katsuki out not bc of some sentimental bullshit or lingering feelings but he thought of providing his future child with the best gene pool as possible so his child can flourish. it's a damn ego busting for katsuki but deku was clearly a man on a mission.

katsuki hesitated and thought what it would mean to have a child out there who carry a lil part of him in them; it's unnerving and humbling at the same time. he never thought of it himself but deku had dream of this, wanted this so badly enough to beg katsuki for help.

"alright," he said finally, not knowing exactly what compelled him to agree, but the look of utter happiness spreading across deku's face as he can barely contain his joy. a single word from him had caused deku's word to shift and rearranged itself to make room for another life.

and that's how katsuki got con into helping izuku make a baby lol. but, really katsuki was the one who agreed to it out of his own will bc he's an idiot & also terribly whipped; omegas are the ones ppl should be frighten of bc once they make up their mind it's hard to move them. they're an unstoppable force, something to be reckon w/ esp when that omega is the no.1 hero who fought his way to the top of the rankings and maintain that status quo for many years despite how many times katsuki tried to topple him from that perch LOL.

katsuki already lost the war before he'd even put a foot down on battlefront the moment deku'd opened his mouth & demanded his sperm AND HE KNEW IT TOO. so that was how katsuki found himself preparing to empty his balls in front of a two-way mirror in a mating clinic bc of deku. omegas, esp males, are the most fertile when they're in heat & when an alpha go in a rut, but the both of them have this arrangment that's more of a duty than any feelings involve bc they cant risk getting mix up in the hormones. this is for deku & his future child!!! so the clinic had prepared a large room w/ two way dividing mirrors& open air vents circulating b/t the two rooms so they can breathe in each other scene where deku can have his heat on one side and katsuki can watch BUT NOT TOUCH and get his rut on so he can produce sperm.

it's uh, not supposed to be v sexy since it's all clinical & shit but bakudeku being bakudeku they nearly tear the room apart to get to each other in heat/rut madnes. deku had blushed earlier as he asked to be bind with quirk restrictions cuff just in case he go crazy which HE DID. at first the nurses there was more worry about katsuki going crazy and out of control bc he has been known to fall pretty high on the alpha aggression and they fear it would be katsuki who would be dangerous; BUT NOPE it's deku all all along who almost broke the REINFORCED MIRROR just so he can get to katsuki!!!! DEKU WHO PPL SOMETIMES FORGET IS LIKE THE NO. 1 HERO FOR A REASON. soft and sweet deku who single handedly can fuck you up with just his fingers if he want to. he's an omega on a mission and he wants that knot up his ass AND HE WANTS IT NOW.

the nurses & docs have to use everything in their toolkit to pull bakudeku apart. when it's all said and done, katsuki embarrassingly produce buckets of cum enough to last deku a looooooong long time if the first one didn't take lol while deku couldn't look at katsuki in the eyes. they are both horridly embarrass about their 'not mating' and their action toward each other there even though they never actually touch each other through out the whole heat/rut procedure. despite the fact that they DIDN'T HAVE ANY SEX, it was still the hottest exp for both.

katsuki never seen more more feral and fierce omega who nearly broke the entire room just to get to him, in that moment if katsuki wasn't in love already he would have been half way there and izuku didn't expect KATSUKI AT ALL. the way he had handle izuku was completely diff. in izuku's heat fever, katsuki was the lone anchor who'd provided him grounding. he tried to calm deku down from his ramp up hormones even though he was as clearly affected as deku. forceful but not unforgiving, commanding not unyielding, firm but gentle.

it was electric.

it was as though izuku was a wild animal unleashed and katsuki managed to tamed him and he never had even had to raise a single finger to do it. it was all in his words that cut through izuku's hazy feverish wants and desires. the kind of alpha that made deku's knees weak.

after that, they have wordless mutual agreement to never talk about it. deku got the sperms he wanted and katsuki had finally fullfiedd his obligation and isn't responsible for deku or his future child. HE'S DONE. they dont have anything to do w/ each other anymore. RIGHT??? ha.

it's funny bc izuku had his hope on a child but didn't think it would take so soon! he'd thought he would fail a few times first before he get really lucky w/ conception bc of his age now that he's older, this 'psuedo mating' can't replace real mating, & biology is fucking weird. even the fertility doc couldn't promise this procedure to insert bkg's sperm in him when he's still got in a heat fever will work 100% and if they fail, they have to wait for another HEAT to come before it could work. which mean months of waiting in b/t so izuku is desperate. BUT it took one try. THAT'S ALL IT TOOK as izuku anxiously waited for the news in next couple of weeks. he took at home pregnacy tests and when hall 3 results were positive he'd cried and called his mom but even then he didn't tell anyone bc he was so scare it just was a fluke.

he'd kept this secret until he finally got the visit to his doc and could get the firm confirmation he needed! when the doc revealed that he was indeed pregnant, izuku fell to his knees in relief bc finally, FINALLY, his dream of having a baby had came true. he's a father now!!

the doc had warned that the first trimester would be rough on him bc of his age and miscarriage is more likely for him than most male omega. maybe he should consider taking an early pregnacy leave bc of the danger his job poses to him & the unborn baby. deku had agonized over it. ultimately, he decided to continue w/ his hero work but won't take on as much stuff as before. he plans to be more careful & attentive to his safety, and defer his more dangerous work to his colleagues instead. all his friends and coworkers go out of their way to help him w/ this

izuku got an entire community of heroes WHO DO THEIR BEST TO ENSURE HIS PREGNACY GO SMOOTHLY bc look izuku may be doing this alone but HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ALONE bc he got his friends, colleagues, and mom to support him through this bc they know how much this means to him!!

katsuki was one of the last to find out but only bc deku plan to see him in person to tell him bc katsuki HAD GIVEN HIM ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS (beside OFA) and he wanted to thank katsuki in person but class A are a bunch of gossip mongers so he found out through their groupchat. it started as a joke about katsuki & his super seed bc what a fucking stud bakugou katsuki to have ONE TRY and is able to knocked izuku up so quickly lmao. w/e the fuck katsuki is doing or eating, apparently it works wonder for him bc one of his sperm luck out & hit jackpot. his so called friends cant stop ribbing into him for knocking up deku so quickly bc they know from deku's worry that it wasn't going to be an easy conception but IT'S BAKUGOU KATSKUKI, outdoing himself once more bc he never does anything by half, not even his own sperm lol.

izuku met up with katsuki right outside his agency bc he knew wassup and how to corner katsuki effectively by trapping him when he just high off his patrol when he least expect an ambush esp when he was too busy avoiding izuku's attempts to reach him bc of COMPLICATED FEELS.

it's not cowardice that kept katsuki away, but izuku was the source of all his confusing feelings already & now w/ the news that he's carrying katsuki's child now it'd gotten worst. izuku, though, was nothing if not persistent. he zeroed in katsuki right away w/ purposeful steps.

"kacchan, i'm so glad to meet you here," izuku says as though he hadn't coordinate this w/ katsuki's coworkers, who are all SOFT for izuku anyway lmao, to get katsuki alone JUST LIKE THIS. katsuki knew he was caught bc every one his friends & colleagues are FUCKING TRAITORS.

"what," he snapped, clenching the hands at his side as he tried to keep his gaze from izuku's still very flat tummy. it's weird to think a life was quickly taking shape there when it's not like izuku looked any diff but he smiling more brightly & warmth coming from his person. was this what they call the pregnancy glow? bc deku was fucking blinding that katsuki wanted to shove his hand to deku's face to block it out.

"what you want," he demanded again even tho they both know why deku was here.

unperturbed, deku smiled. "im pregnant now so thank you. you'd helped fulfilled one of my biggest dreams & im ever so grateful for it!" he continued, rocking happily back & forth on his heels but the words barely registered katsuki kept staring at the way deku's body swing out & he opened his mouth before he could think better of it.

"should you be even moving liek that ?" he asked BC SINCE FINDING OUT IZUKU IS PREGNANT HE LOST HIS MIND. as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he was a dead man walking.

izuku leveled him a glare so fierce that he actually took a step back w/ chills running up his back. "kacchan i may be pregnant but im not an invalid," izuku said with the sharp edge of a smile and thinly veiled steel in his voice. the scariest part was that he hadn't drop a single smile but the ominous threas was there. "do you want me to show you how much of not invalid i am?"

katsuki scowled, face pinching at the thought whether this was just the usual deku's bs or this was deku's bs + the pregnancy hormones that get him so rile up. either way, katsuki no matter how much of an ass he was, he wasn't going to punch a pregnant omega to prove a point.

"fine, that was dumb sorry," he said, scratching the back of his ear in annoyance. "so was that all you wanted to say?"

deku's eyes crinkle in amusement as katsuki's scowl deepens. "yea, i just wanted you to hear the news from me personally and expressed my thanks."

"i'll take good care of them," he said softly, a stray hand caressing his stomach carefully. "I promise i'll be good to them so you dont have to worry."

katsuki paused and then, "I know," he said bc he does. deku was going to be a good parent w/o a doubt. That is a truth.

deku's eyes light up at katsuki's words and there was a hint of wetness in them that katsuki had the unnerving fear that he was going to cry right here and katsuki's entire agency going to charge out & murder him for making a pregnant omega, THE PREGNANT OMEGA DEKU cry in public.

"t-thank you," he sniffs, but THANKFULLY NO ACTUAL CRYING INVOLE, "it makes me so happy to hear that you in believe me. i won't fail you, i swear!" he said it like he was making a vow for world peace or some shit bc of how serious it had sounded but this was important to him.

"yea, okay," katsuki said, looking away bc got this entire conversation was agonizing bc here he was talking to the person, but not JUST ANY RANDOM PERSON, who is carrying a baby w/ half of katsuki's dna & they're not fucking each other. like,,, that's fucking weird okay.

"that's all i wanted to say," deku told him, fully aware how uncomfortable this talk was making him, "so I won't bother you anymore." he gave one last smile and turned to go but KATSUKI WHO SHOULD HAVE LET IT END THERE found himself opening his mouth and grabbing deku by the arm.

it was careful, a firm but gentle hand placed his forearm like deku was glass that stopped him for a moment. "if--if," katsuki said, swallowing around a stone in his throat, "you find yourself needing anything, call me ok? ANYTHING i dont care just call me and i'll be there."

a slow but the brightest fucking smile he had ever seen bloom on deku's flushed face. "ok, i'll let you know," he replied, bc this was KATSUKI PUTING HIMSELF OUT THERE AND WANTING TO GET INVOLVE IN IZUKU'S PREGNACY even tho deku had given him a clean break from it. HE CHOSE THIS.

katsuki doesn't know what he was thinking then but the words slipped passed his guard before he can stop it & now he fucking doomed himself, doom himself to 3am late night calls of deku crying in hysteric at his home bc he ran out of some rare hard to find fruit bc CRAVINGS. so now katsuki had to dragged himself all the way across town to hunt for this shit. the morning news of that day was hero ground zero harrassing shopkeeper in the FUCKING ASS'S OCLOCK FOR SOME FRUIT AND DEMANDING IT NOW FOR W/E REASON, WHILE LOOKING SO FURIOUS & UNHINGED.

look, it's not like deku doesn't have an entire network of ppl to reach out to if he ever needed anything bc they would even laid down their life for him but even when he's cursing a storm trying to get deku's his midnight craving, he's so relief it's him that deku called first. besides, he firmly knew wut he had signed up for the moment he had opened his mouth. offering is help in the pregnancy process was him choosing to get involve and commit to deku & his (god fucking damn shit, he can't think of it as *theirs* bc that's too dangerous) baby. and bc this is bakugou katsuki and he never does any by halves so even though he may have been reluctant at first but now that he's firmly on board he's going in full throttle w/ no break in sight. katsuki dumps all his $$ on pregnacy & prenatal care books.

he read papers, argued on pregnancy forum, & even harassed his parents on it just so he can come at this like a fucking boss bc while he has full faith in deku to put the safety of the fetus first but also HE DOESN'T FUCKING TRUST DEKU TO PUT HIMSELF FIRST which is just as import. deku has the self-preservation  of a damn child & he can't expect a *child* to take care of himself so KATSUKI OBVIOUSLY GOT TO DO IT FOR HIM. so he make diet plans, prepare prep meals for deku ahead of them, annoyed deku's coworkers to watch out for him lest he does something stupid. he make it his firm mission that this pregnancy will go smoothly as possible so even when he's running errands for deku, getting his weird ass food craving, and taking deku to visit his ob-gyn, sitting in the waiting room anxiously for any news in case SOMETHING GO WRONG.

He even drives himself crazy learning about the things a pregnant person can't do/is at risk of doing & he doesn't know how anyone can fucking take this for 10 months bc it's like walking on a precarious tight rope. it's scary & humbling and he just want deku & the baby to be ok.

there are still crimes and villains to wrangle, and the world keeps on spinning; nothing really change all that much now that deku's pregnant but katsuki finds himself personally accolating his precious time and energy toward deku & the baby. he became one of those *PEOPLE*, ugh. he never got it even when his friends had popped out spawns of their own. he wasn't going to get dragged down by biology & all that general bullshit about settling down. he's at the top of his game & prize to take over deku's position as no.1. he got no time for playing family.

yet here he is standing in the middle of a fucking baby store, staring down a damn baby crib and having a melt down. who the fuck knew that baby cribs come in so many fucking versions and THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY OF THEM. he thought he had come prepare but no this was toughs shit. he only saw this store in passing while on a patrol & thought he should drop by but the next thing he knew he got trapped here for three fucking hours just looking at baby cribs. he already got several people walking passed him, eyeing him weirdly as he internally freak out.

there are ridiculous amount of info floating on the internet about crib buying guide like the bars could only be certain inches apart, non-toxic paints, diff kind of mattress, safe headboards, etc etc. all of that to ensure the baby doesn't fucking DIE bc babies are like FRAGILE.

he calls deku & as soon as he picks up, the first thing katsuki says is, "last year, there were 1,842 babies death due to sudden infant death syndrome."

a long pointed pause, and then, "oh geez," deku answers, "where are you? I'll be right there, okay? don't go anywhere!"

[awastelandheart]

Sebastian’s personality analyzed through his theory-crafted natal chart: The perspective of a professional astrologer.

PART ONE: SUN SIGN.

i apologize in advance to any capricorns i unintentionally read to filth in this post.

          i think out of all the bachelors   &   bachelorettes, Sebastian has the oddest, most abrasive post-marriage dialogue. i’ve heard plenty of people over the years complain about how awkward being married to him is   &   i, myself, tend to not marry him when i play since locking him in pelican town like that when he so clearly wants to leave feels bad. even before marriage as well, he has a lot of almost cringey   &   certainly concerning dialogue. Sebastian’s not a man that’s made for marriage or long term relationships i think, at least not in his early to mid 20s which is how old i believe he is in canon. unlike the rest of the bachelors   &   bachelorettes, his character arc   &   development don’t do much for melding him into someone worth being with. even Shane who is troubled in a much more obvious way than Sebastian has more moments of reflection that convince the player that he’s a good person despite his flaws. Sebastian may seem to be gentle in his internal struggle, it’s easy to believe that, at most, he’s rude   &   depressed, but i think there’s a lot more to unpack here that suggests he’s violent, angry to an awful degree,   &   possibly the worst marriage candidate, if not just the worst townie out of the whole cast.

          to start off with, i believe Sebastian’s sun sign is Capricorn. my reasoning for this is a blend between a post on reddit i found that used a simple algorithm to convert the in game dates to real dates. taking into account the slightly flawed method that gives each date 2-3 days worth of wiggle room,   “ january 17th ”   implies he’s on the Capricorn side of january. to be honest, when i was first thinking about what sun sign i wanted Sebastian to have, i was leaning towards Aquarius since he has several lines about escaping the town   &   wanting his freedom   ( both being very Aquarius-like qualities ),   however i think the case for Capricorn is much easier to make. to start off, i’ll give a run down of the most defining Capricorn characteristics, then i’ll move onto showing in-game examples of how Sebastian demonstrates these traits   ( while leaving room for his other natal positions that i’ll extrapolate on in more posts to come ).

          Capricorn is an earth sign, reveling in stability with a handful of almost toxic traits to display if that stability isn’t achieved. ruled by saturn, or kronos if you wanna get greek, Capricorns are at a constant war with themselves between the general human experience   &   cutting out as much superfluous expression   &   feeling as possible. the story of kronos is very reflective of the Capricorn struggle:   it’s the tale of a man   ( god, but that’s not important )   whose wife is predicted to bear a child who will surpass him   &   take his legacy. kronos, in his anxiety to prevent this change, begins eating each of his wife’s children as they’re born until one day, his wife replaces one of the newborns with a rock so that it will survive kronos’ consumption. of course this leads to the child growing up   &   indeed surpassing kronos just as the prophecy foretold. the lesson to be learned from kronos is one of restriction   &   the inevitability of time.

          between their earthly reliability   &   love of practicality, Capricorns are viewed as the traditional fathers of the zodiac sphere. they guard their values of yesteryear close to their chest. anything too different is cast far away from themselves or, rather, consumed until all traces are disposed of. thankfully not as stubborn as poor Taurus   ( another earth sign ),   Capricorns have a touch of adaptability in all their logic. their modality is cardinal, implying they take charge of situations. they are the leaders next to Cancer, Libra,   &   Aries:   any good leader knows when to give up their morals for the betterment of their charge. to boot, Capricorn is represented by the mythological creature, the sea-goat   ( a creature created by dear old kronos, himself, consisting of the torso of a goat   &   the tail of a fish );   the goat half delivering on that steady earthly nature of an unrelenting climb to the top of a mountain called life, yet the inclusion of the ocean in this aesthetic implying an amount of emotion only water signs can relate to.

          in the typical male-dominated, fatherly way, however, emotional expression does not exist for Capricorns, resulting in this implied depth to lurk well below a Capriorn’s surface. they are deeply independent in a way that leads to intense loneliness. they must do everything for themselves, another thing lovely kronos has taught us here. why look for a different solution to this problem when i so clearly have found one for myself, the ruler of saturn proclaims. a Capricorn’s independence is almost panic charged in this way. they so dearly want to be seen as capable that they will shred their own livelihood as a price. they are masters at self control for it, each having taught themselves the art of stoicism from a young age. Capricorns are at best, friendly in a superficial way. knowing their loneliness is created by their own hands but never knowing how to move passed their own cold   &   distant heart to enact any change necessary to improve their relationships.

          something that is often associated with Capricorns   &   the other earth signs is the act of earning money. while Taurus enjoys earning money to support their lavish, venus-ruled lifestyle   &   Virgo sees money as something to worry over thus resulting in them hoarding it, Capricorns crave for their income to be stable   &   plentiful in order to provide for their loved ones, or for the more lonely Capricorns, to provide for themselves.

          saturn is the first planet to take a substantial amount of time to complete its cycle through all the signs. compared to earth, which takes one year to complete its solar rotation   &   jupiter which takes 12, saturn takes upwards of 30 years. we astrologers take that as symbolical for how Capricorns get significantly better with age, as well as their   “ slow   &   steady wins the race ”   attitude. Capricorn is a sign of wisdom but only at the hand of experience. young Capricorns frequently find themselves discontented with their environment   &   lifestyle, craving a stability that cannot exist without first having established themselves in the world. every seven years it’s said, a Capricorn reaches a new level of understanding   &   maturity, as it is about every seven years that saturn completes 1/4th of its solar cycle.

          Capricorns, like Scorpios, love their privacy. regarded as one of the more shady signs of the zodiac, a Capricorn is the type of person to have everyone believing they know everything there is to know about them while simultaneously only ever revealing surface level knowledge about themselves. Capricorns love having friends   &   spending time with their loved ones, however they lack a sense of trust that would allow them to form deeper connections. while a Capricorn does experience their emotions as thoroughly as the rest of the zodiac, they have an equally intense insecurity about expressing them. a Capricorn lives their life wanting to be depended on or at least wanting to provide for those that do depend on them. emotions are seen as a weakness that cannot be spared.

          with the basic personality of a Capricorn outlined, i’ll now go through some choice quotes that demonstrate these traits   &   then talk about a few parts of his heart events that do the same.

“ if i just disappeared would it really matter ? ” “ i was thinking... people are like stones skipping over the water. Eventually we're going to sink. ” “ what am I going to do today ?   probably nothing.”

          when the player first meets Sebastian, he is overtly depressed   &   never goes out of his way to hide it. there is a solemn dark cloud filled with rain, ready to burst constantly following him   &   it���s difficult to ignore. this seriousness is very characteristic of many signs, Capricorn being one of them as it is ruled by Saturn, an outer planet with a very melancholic tone.

“ hey, don't let me stop you from getting your work done. if you aren't busy i don't mind if you stick around. ”

          this quote demonstrates the productive mindset of a Capricorn. compared to all the other bachelors, Sebastian is the only one to ever really consider the player’s work schedule.

“ i was so close to screaming at mom for throwing away my old comic collection   ...  but something stopped me. hmm   ...   with age comes wisdom. ” “ the older i get, the less i'm drawn to the city. ” “ sometimes i feel so angry  ...  but when you show up i always start to calm down. maybe i'll mellow out with age. ”

          while these quotes are also depicting other personality traits, for now i want to emphasize Sebastian’s constant referencing to the passage of time. time is always on a Capricorn’s mind, even the less self aware ones always feel the effects of its passage harsher than other signs. after dating   &   at points in marriage, which is when these quotes are from, Sebastian begins to view time as something more positive   &   optimistic. he recognizes that he has anger issues, at the very least,   &   hopes they’ll get better as time goes on. it’s quite the feat to make a Capricorn see growing older as something positive instead of something anxiety inducing, so from this alone we can really tell that Sebastian is absolutely in love with the player, without a doubt.

“ i couldn't sleep last night so I went for a night ride on the motorcycle. i need to stay independent, even though we're married. that's just how i am. i still love you, though. ” “ hey   ...   want some coffee ?   i needed some   ...   woke up early from a nightmare   &   i just couldn't fall back asleep. ” “ hey. i couldn't sleep last night so i took a walk to the caves. ” “ i'm going to take a walk today. i need some time to myself. i'll see you in the evening. ”

          Capricorns tend to be almost predisposed to sleep issues due to their immense amount of anxiety that comes with the disconnect between productivity   &   incapability, or craving emotional connection   &   viewing emotions as unnecessary. Capricorns are also fiercely independent, so independent that it’s no surprise Sebastian’s the kind of person to sneak out of bed   &   go off alone when feeling anxious instead of waking his partner up for comfort.

“ i don't want to get soft now that i'm a married guy. maybe i should start eating more hot pepper   &   working out ?   just an idea   ... ”

          while i’d also be willing to chalk this expression up to Sebastian being anxious about not passing as masc, i’m also willing to attribute this to a Capricorn being afraid of time passing   &   “ missing out ”   on life. growing soft can be a fear of a sign so dedicated to seeming tough   &   dependable.

“ i don't really feel like doing work today. maybe i'll see what's on tv. ” “ i did some work on the laptop today. ” “ i'm debating whether i should work or just read comics all day. ” “ you know, i should be doing something productive right now. i just lose focus too fast   ...   maybe i should drink more coffee ? ”

          Sebastian references his work so frequently, in typical Capricorn fashion because the urge to justify one’s pleasures by mentioning the fact that they’re also being productive is something ever-present. they are a very guilty breed;   on top of their other burdens, they feel especially bad for moments of relaxation or times when they should be doing something, but cannot bring themselves to.

“ you’re probably making a lot of money on your farm, huh ?   i guess i should get a job soon   … ” “ we should raise more slimes. in big quantities they can be really profitable. ” “ i did some work on the laptop today. i was actually brainstorming some ideas for a game i want to make. with your farming income, i can afford to do what i want with my life. it’s pretty amazing. thank you. ” “ hey. look at me. never forget that i love you   ...   you’re everything to me. now go make us some money. ” “ are we doing okay on money ?   i don’t want to have to sell my laptop   ... ” “ *sigh*   ...    if gas wasn’t so expensive i’d ride my motorcycle to the city today. so what do you do when you aren’t working ? ”

          Sebastian talks SO much about money   &   to me, it’s really hard to imagine concernedape didn’t intentionally make him a Capricorn with this much dialogue about income when no other bachelor or bachelorette has any mention of the topic   ( except for harvey who mentions he’s afraid he’s not bringing in enough money from the lack of people in town ).   the biggest one that jumps out at me to really signal a significant change in his personality after marriage is when he mentions having the freedom that comes with a steady income, a freedom that now allows him to do what he really wants which is, apparently, to make a video game. another one that jumps out at me here is his immediate association with feeling like he should get a job after assuming the player is making a lot of money. since income is such an important subject for Capricorns, it’s easy to imagine Sebastian feels inferior in comparison to the player since he’s   “ just ”   a freelancer.

“ i often felt unappreciated at home   ...   but here i feel like i really belong. ”

          this quote kind of hits Capricorn’s need to be appreciated   &   useful directly on the head   &   is a good transition for me to talk about the fact that Sebastian never progressed very far in his career while living at home with his family because he felt unappreciated. compared to how he almost immediately has a dialogue line after marriage where he tells the player he’s been inspired to make a video game, it’s easy to see the almost instant maturity Sebastian obtained just from moving out;   something he had assumed was in the far off future, implied by his heart scenes.

now let’s break down Sebastian’s heart events.

          his first heart even opens with him busy working, already a very Capricorn setting honestly, as i’ve said a few times now since Capricorns are prone to productivity. Robin enters after a moment   &   informs Sebastian that Abigail is looking for him, to which Sebastian responds to ask if his mother had informed Abigail that he’s working. Robin says that while she had, Abigail still intends on visiting Sebastian at some point today. Sebastian’s next piece of dialogue is very important.

“ *sigh* no one takes my job seriously. ”

          this is an incredibly Capricorn thing to say, both because Capricorns always feel the need to be taken seriously   &   also due to their signature insecurity about income.

          the scene continues so that the player can ask Sebastian what his career goals are. he explicitly says:   “ well, i’m trying to save up so i can move out of here. probably to the city or something, ”   which by itself is obviously very Capricorn, both nailing their need for income, their constant validation that they deserve what they want,   &   their desire for independence, however his dialogue continues for another textbox that contains the most Capricorn lines i’ve ever heard.

“ you know, if i went to college i’d probably be making six figures right now … ”   

          Sebastian is so very   &   obviously obsessed with money, it’s crazy to think he’s any other sign but Capricorn. this portion of the heart scene ends with him saying, 

“ but i just don’t want to be a part of that corporate rat race, you know ? ”   

          this dialogue i’m willing to attribute to another one of his signs at a later date in another post, but in my experience, i’ve known several Capricorn suns that feel the same:   that while they strive for a stable income, they hate participating in capitalistic culture.

          this first heart scene ends with Sebastian dismissing the player, saying he   “ has to get this module finished by tomorrow, ”   indicating he has a very set schedule when it comes to his work. organization being yet another characteristic trait of Capricorn.

          Sebastian’s second heart scene opens with the player catching him working on his bike. after a moment of introspection, Sebastian starts talking, again, about how when he saves enough money, he’s going to get out of the valley, just him   &   his bike. this scene doesn’t have anything specifically Capricorn about it   &   i plan on revisiting it when i talk about his other placements.

          likewise, Sebastian’s third   &   fourth heart scenes don’t have anything outrageously Capricorn in them   --   in fact neither scene tells us very much about Sebastian in particular aside from pointing out that he likes tabletop games   ( which obviously isn’t exclusively Capricorn by any means, but i’ve known so, so many Capricorn suns that have been hardcore into dnd over the years   ...  )   &   has social anxiety. i’ll most likely dip into his fourth heart scene a little more when i talk about his other placements, though.

          Sebastian’s fifth   (   &   final before marriage )   heart scene is, of course, important,   &   probably the most memorable for anyone who’s played Sebastian’s route, but it honestly doesn’t tell us much about his core personality. what it does tell us is how he acts   &   feels when he’s in love, so i’ll definitely come back to this scene when i talk about his venus position.

          &   that’s on his heart scenes !

          so, in summary, i believe Sebastian has a Capricorn sun because he shares many qualities with how astrologers perceive the position. of course this is all just my personal interpretation, but i hope this was an interesting read   &   shed some light on the kind of person Sebastian is !

[spnfanficpond]

November 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting with @tricia-16, today! Thank you so much for joining us and giving us your thoughts!

We had a great time today chatting about keeping characters true to what we’re used to seeing on screen, even when we’re writing them into an AU. How do you decide what traits are sacred and what you can or should change when you take our beloved boys out of the hunting life and into other worlds? A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond new, is below the cut!

For those who don’t know her, Tricia is not (yet - I’m gonna work on her!) a member of the Pond, but she is a popular Destiel writer on AO3, and a force for good in the fandom on Twitter. Most of her stories are AUs, with a couple of canon stories, so she has experience in both types. Her current WIP is called Light Me Up, and it’s based around Dean and Cas discovering that Lisa had a child after a fateful night with the two of them. Lisa has recently passed, and gave joint custody of her son, Liam, to Dean and Cas together. The prequel, Why’s It Feel So Good? is simply hot, Hot, HOT, and shouldn’t be skipped! She updates every Monday, which helps to fight off the Garfield in all of us and make Mondays something to look forward to.

We started off talking about side characters.

Q: (@loudenswainfangirl​ (Michelle H.) How do you create that AU version when you don't have a lot of canon content to draw from? For instance, Donna. Canon gives us some in sight to her character but there is also a lot we don’t know. I've been working on a fic with Donna as the main and I'm having a difficult time putting my own interpretation on her. Inner thoughts, hang ups, struggles, that sort of thing.

Tricia: Michelle, I have no idea how you do that with the side characters who don't have a lot to go on. I think that's why in my stories they tend to focus more completely on Cas/Dean than the surrounding characters. I think in a lot of cases they end up more like an original character with a familiar character's face, in my head. If you're talking AU, I'd create almost an entire new character with Donna's personality. Write down how she grew up, her likes/dislikes, her personality flaws and strengths. You'll get an idea of who she is, which should help influence her dialogue and motivations behind why she acts how she does within the story.

Q: Have you gotten any backlash for side characters not sounding right or being OOC?

Tricia: I don't think many people read my stories for the side characters, so I haven't gotten a ton of feedback on them. I know people didn't like Charlie's big mouth in Start of Something Good, but I think she'd be super forward like that to try to help Dean so it didn't bother me.

Q: Which do you find easier, AU or canon?

Tricia: AU, without a doubt. And it's for the simple reason that I think there's more wiggle room when it comes to keeping them in character that way. While a lot of the big character traits will remain the same, there's wiggle room to change some things up depending on the world I create. A big one is family life. If Dean grew up with both parents in a loving home, I find it easy to believe he wouldn't be quite as emotionally unavailable as he is on the show, for example. @katehuntington​ (Kate): I get that, I can relate to that. I find both comfortable, but with AU’s I feel like I need to establish where I wanna go first, and then think how Dean (for instance) would get there and how it would affect him. AUs also create situation that wouldn’t be possible in canon, like certain side characters interacting with each other. That’s what I like about it. Michelle H.: That's what I love about AU, Tricia. Creating a different background opens up so many possibilities. An AU is, essentially, your world. I feel more people will be more critical and have higher expectations with canon based fic.

Q: What do you do when you're afraid you've maybe taken a character too far outside of their usual character?

Kate: Say their lines out loud if it’s dialogue, checking if I can hear that character say that. And it depends on the background. I’m honestly not worried that often. Guess with two or three betas on board who would tell me if it’s OOC, you build that kind of confidence. So what was said earlier: if Sam or Dean for instance grew up in a stable environment, they would respond differently than they would canon. @mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Mrs. Michelle): Betas help a LOT. Talking it out with other fans is HUGE, sometimes. (If you’re looking for a beta, check out this list of betas here!) Kate: Going over scenarios with people who know your story, your style, etc, is really helpful! Michelle H: You think so? Because that's what I want to do and have so far but I'm afraid of backlash. Mrs. Michelle: Never be afraid of backlash. If someone else doesn't like your interpretation, they don't have to read it. And if they're rude enough to comment, they're just RUDE. Michelle H: Good point. I guess because I write rare pairs I have so little exposure and I'm afraid to chase away those I do have. Tricia: If you can explain WHY your character is the way that she is (even within the story or outside of it in comments, etc) you shouldn't face much backlash. They might not like the choices you make, but that's on them, not you.

Q: What are the easiest and hardest parts of staying true to SPN characters when writing AUs for you?

Tricia: Easiest is the big things. Dean loves pie, drives his car, loves rock music. Sam's a nerd, Cas doesn't know much about pop culture/doesn't get a lot of jokes. Those are the things I feel should stay the same in any universe. (Imagine a world where Dean doesn't like his car? WHO IS HE?) Hardest is getting Dean to talk about his feelings. We know him to be closed off and anti-emotion, so to make him open up enough to fall in love while still remaining in character is always a struggle. That's why so many of my fics are from Dean's POV. Without access to his inner thoughts, he'd come across completely different than he does with them. Kate: Easiest parts for me is taking there personality traits, analyse where they come from and if you can, use those traits in favor of your story. Hardest part for me is when you wanna make certain changes for the sake of the AU, but feel like it’s not in character. That’s the hiccup I experience most. For instance (for the people who know Ride With Me) Dean on the show can’t really play guitar and his singing isn’t great either. For my country boy/cowboy AU, I added that, even though it’s not of significant importance to the story line. It just felt good. I go on gut feeling a lot personally.

Q: What changes to their character might you first consider when you're coming up with a new story line? Are there any traits that you immediately considering changing without question, and conversely, are there any traits that are sacred? For example, you've already discussed how Dean is different when he's had a stable family. Is that a common starting point for you, or does it depend on the story?

Tricia: This might seem like an obvious answer, but Dean and Cas's sexuality is always a big one. Do they know they're attracted to men when they meet? Are they purely attracted to men, bi, do they think they're straight? Dean "getting around" sexually is almost always part of my stories. I can't imagine a prude-ish version of Dean. Kate: For me Dean’s self worth (or the lack of it) and his kindness for the people who need it, are traits that I won’t ever let go of.

Q: Besides pie and Baby, are there any other traits of Dean and Cas that you feel are sacred and shouldn't be touched?

Tricia: Dean's fierce protectiveness of Sam is the first thing that comes to mind. I think I tend to write Cas as seeing Dean as almost... perfect. He refuses to give up on him, forgives him even when he shouldn't, and that's all based on who he is on the show, too. 

Q: Has there ever been a story line or story element that you've loved, but ultimately decided to ditch because it was too OOC, even for an AU?

Tricia: When I wrote Molting Expectations, there's a scene where Cas was basically going into "angel heat" and I actually wrote Dean giving into temptation and something physical happening between them when Cas clearly didn't know what he was asking for. And once I wrote it, I read it over, and immediately went, "Nope. Dean's stronger than that." And I ditched the whole scene.

Q: On those occasions where you wrote in canon, you obviously have to be more strict about changing things. How do you decide what's sacred and what can be shifted? Basically, what’s your barometer for “I’ve gone too far this time”?

Tricia: I think for me, it comes down to my interpretation of the characters. Some die hard fans would tell you that Dean is 100% straight and nothing can convince them otherwise. I believe there are moments of episodes that imply he's not 100% straight, so I feel justified in making that more explicit in my stories. Dean admitting he likes chick flicks makes me think maybe he's a bit softer inside than he wants to present a lot of the time, so I can almost exploit that about him in canon fic, for example. But more than anything, I think, it's the dialogue that I struggle with in canon fic, and after reading it back, it's a gut feeling. There's a lot of tweaking individual words, changing the way I make my characters talk to the way Dean/Cas actually talk. I do that by looking at transcripts of episodes. That's actually how I wrote Donna's dialogue in Light Me Up, even though it isn't canon, because I haven't written her character very much. I looked at the words she repeats in all of the episodes she's in to get a sense for how she spoke. I wrote a big love confession from Dean during Don't, and then scrapped it all because I couldn't see him actually saying that out loud. (And it frustrated me because it was SO GOOD and all things Dean was thinking, but I knew in my gut they were words he'd never say out loud.) Mrs. Michelle: I've noticed that the characters in this show we love really don't talk much. Any time I've written a long paragraph of one of TFW talking, I've always cut it down to a third of it. They rarely make speeches. @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​ (Kaisha): Those are Winchesters for you, as few words as possible!  Tricia: They also use each other's names 100 times more than regular people in regular conversation! LOL Kate: I go on gut when it comes to taking a character too far. And also remember that it’s your story. If you believe that Dean or Sam would respond a certain way under these circumstances, then write it.

Q: Dean and smoking: In character or not? And why or why not?

Tricia: Smoking seems self-destructive enough (with the benefit of soothing nerves, or so I've heard) that I could see Dean smoking. The only reason I can think of why in canon it wouldn't be in character is because of the cost. Especially when the Winchesters didn't have the bunker, would Dean always have the money to buy a pack of smokes? I would guess probably not. Michelle H: I would think he'd rather use the funds for whiskey. Mrs. Michelle: I could see Dean stealing smokes. Like, back in the olden days when they weren’t kept locked up. Of course, the first time he got winded, and therefore injured by a monster, he might decide to quit.

To wrap up, we all kind of agreed that when we’re questioning if a character is OOC or not, we try to imagine the character in canon doing or saying what we’ve written and we go with our gut. If we’re still unsure, we ask friends and beta readers for help. As always, Betas make everything betta!!

Next month we’re going to talk about structuring long plots with @jhoomwrites​ on 12/7/19 at 5PM Eastern time! Mark your calendars!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: Not much, at the moment, since everyone is busy, so we’re just trying to keep up with the day-to-day at the moment! Our to do list is still long, though, and will not be neglected forever! Next up is organizing the tagging system on the blog to make it easier for readers to find the stories they’re interesting in and for writers to find the help they’re looking for!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

Say hi to October’s New Members! (If we missed someone, let us know!)

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the Skype chat room/discord general channel and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!! 

We’re looking for a guest speaker for January to talk about RPF! If you know of an RPF writer that you’d like to hear from, let us know!!

[thefloatingstone]

Hello, i'm sorry for bothering but could you please elaborate on that post where you talked about being nostalgic for Scandinavia? It had me a bit curious, like, why here of all places? To me it's probably a very mundane place since i live in here, so i have a hard time imagining it being interesting to anyone else. (Got to admit it's a bit flattering though, especially when my country is mentioned.)

Many reasons I think. Now as I said, I’ve never actually been there so my knowledge is probably extremely superficial and I apologise for that. But really like...

1: The kind of nature you guys have.

I live in South Africa, and although it is very varied in what its wilderness looks like, going from Lion King looking savannah to bright green mountains to windswept white beaches to tropical banana growing regions... the one thing it does NOT have is forests. At all. The biggest tree I’ve ever seen growing here is like 3 storeys tall at most. I was visiting Northern California last year and got to see Redwoods for the very first time and actually got to see what a forest environment looks like, and I was obscenely jealous that people could really LIVE in places like that. I also studied in Vancouver for 2 years and in the summer we would often go hiking in a local nature reserve. My country is just too dry to support plants of that size.

It’s more than just the trees themselves though. It’s the other wildlife among it as well. Just the general plants I’ve seen in photos and films. It looks so lush and alive.

But it’s also the landscape itself.

We just.... don’t have things like this.

2: The history and folklore.

My knowledge here is extremely lacking, I admit, but Scananavia as a whole, as in ALL the countries that are considered “Scandanavian” by the very virtue that its people have been living there for a very long time, just has a history and folklore and a mythos. And this may sound like some weird fairy tale thing which might be unfair but like... please understand. South Africa was established by the Dutch as a trading port and its Afrikaans population is largely made up of either Dutch settlers or French refugees who had the French taught out of them in schools in favour of Dutch (long story). South Africa as a country does not have a “folklore” or a “history” as any single Scandinavian country would. We have a history dating back many hundreds of years, but that’s exactly what it is, a history of a few hundred years. Mainly of fleeing refugees or Dutch settlers or British Colonialism. And although I have the deepest sympathy for my ancestors fleeing French religious oppression as well as more recent grandfathers and grandmothers suffering famine and concentration camps, the history is all tied up in what my ancestors could bring here from their home countries, or what they had to struggle against to survive once they got here. And there’s not much beyond that.

As for Folklore... we don’t have any of our own. We have what out ancestors brought from Europe, but its become eroded by time it feels like, becoming the generic Aesops fables and Grimm’s fairy tales with nothing of its own to set it apart.

We have native African folklore, But... how can I explain... as a descendant of Europeans, African folklore does not feel like it “belongs” to you, you know? It’s not “your” folklore. And there’s an acute feeling of “your” folklore and history lying “somewhere else”. Granted for me personally it would be France, the Netherlands and Scotland, mostly, rather than anything Scandinavian, but with no folklore at all, you feel almost like you could look at all folklore and traditions and gravitate to those that speak to you personally. In my case I simply like what I’ve been able to find regarding Scandinavian folklore and such. It’s difficult to find more of it out here, but what scarps I’ve been able to find have fascinated me, and I want to learn more of it.

3: The temperament of the people

As I said, my understanding is very superficial and perhaps if I were to one day visit I’d find it the complete opposite, but from what I’ve seen, the Scandinavian people just seem to be more in-line with how I’d enjoy a social structure operate. People it seems leave each other alone. What I mean is regular on-the-street people will not push themselves into your personal space just because you dared to step outside your home. And as a result, people actually do stuff outside their homes. The outside environment is just as much a place you can spend time as inside you own home. Without the threat of violence, or being approach by strangers and harassed, or having strangers in your space and demanding your attention. I dunno. Like I said I may be completely off with this one simply because I haven’t experienced it, but I just get the impression people are not so likely to feel that because you’ve left your house you are obligated to interact with every person you meet.

But also, much like the Netherlands, there’s a weird familiarity there for me as well. I need to actually start learning it, but I’ve been told many of the languages, especially Danish, is very close to my own home language. On top of this, there are small traditional things I’ve seen in documentaries and interviews and such which I can just recognise as being familiar to me. And again... this is difficult to explain but it’s also the feeling that that culture is not only IN countries like Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Norway etc, but that that culture is FROM those countries. It’s hard to explain, but there’s a large over-hanging sense here, and its been here for almost as long as I can remember, that my culture doesn’t ‘belong’ in my own country. It’s something imported long ago and has become its own thing, so it HAS no other place of its own, but it’s not FROM here, either. It’s a culture from somewhere else, and as time marches forward, it seems South Africa as a country does not want it around any more either. South Africa wants to be African, and who can blame it for that? But I don’t know where that leaves me.

At the same time though, my culture is also in many ways something I don’t relate to either. it’s too traditional in many ways, in a bad way. extremely religious. Extremely locked in what it believes Gender roles should be. Extremely forged in racism. Extremely ‘farmers of a harsh environment’.

This is kinda getting away from me, but again its difficult to explain. I guess it’s a feeling of ‘if the only place you belong doesn’t want you, you might as well focus on any place you feel drawn to emotionally’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4: Completely superficial ‘it just looks nice’ reasons.

All the traditional outfits and festivals are always attractive to me.

The food is really attractive to me.

The houses are attractive to me.

The cities are attractive to me

The rural towns are attractive looking to me

etc etc

5: the thing everybody will mention like healthcare, education etc etc etc.

and 6:

Almost all Afrikaans South Africans look at other countries to escape to if we could. Most go to Australia, but I have not found it was somewhere I felt at home at when I visited it. There was just something about it that made it feel uncomfortable to me. Some people look at England, and although England is great, I dunno... I like England fine. Maybe it’s just not as ~*exotic*~ in my mind or something stupid like that. As I said, my experience is rather limited. So maybe the very reason I’ve never been to any of the Scandinavian countries is exactly why they’re more attractive or something :/. Some Afrikaans people go to the Netherlands. Honestly I’d be more than happy to live there too.

The problem is... you can’t really get away from South Africa either. Not unless you have a lot of money or already have family somewhere else or your family hasn’t lived here that long which means you can get an ancestral passport. Or you have some sort of trade job that could make you useful (plumbing, engineer, mechanic, etc etc) None of these things apply to me. I barely make any money, my family’s been here for hundreds of years, our only other family live in Australia, and I’m an animator and my moms a poet, both of which are artist’s jobs, and other countries have their own artists. They have no interest in others.

So I guess it boils down to “if its anywhere but here; why not imagine living somewhere pretty, safe, and stable?”

Anyway... I’m sorry if none of that makes sense.

I’m aware its just a fantasy and doesn’t actually reflect reality at all in any way. but that’s the best answer I can give.

Maybe on some level tho, I just wanna run away from myself in a way too >__> not realising no matter where you live, you’re still there with you.

[the-bi-writer-blog]

On Age and Experience Gaps

“I’m 19, and a 30 y.o. is pursuing me romantically. Is this a good idea?” 

Short answer: Nope

Long answer: Also no, but here are some stories, bc this shit is personal.

Storytime #1: The most abusive relationship I’ve ever been in was when I was 19, with a much older man. I was a college freshman, away from home for the first time, in a new city where I knew absolutely no one. I met a guy who was significantly older (30+) and things just went downhill from there.

The fact that I was “technically legal” at that point didn’t matter. The power balance in that relationship was so skewed that even if he hadn’t been an abusive asshole (which he definitely was) there’s no way that relationship could have been healthy. Our gaps in life experience were just too big, and it left us on wildly uneven footing.

When it comes to talking about age gaps in relationships between adults, we need to talk more about experience gaps. We need to stop pretending it’s okay for grown ass adults, whose brains have fully developed and who have had time to figure out who they are, to romantically pursue college-age kids who have essentially no real world experience. It’s a power imbalance, it’s gross, and it’s a formula for life-altering abuse (believe me, I know.) 

Yeah, there are probably nit-picks and exceptions that you can make to the above statement. Fine. But the overall point remains: someone who’s been an adult for 10+ years, and someone who’s still trying to figure out how to buy groceries, are in very, very different places in life. 

Storytime #2, since everyone’s first rebuttal is, “But if one of them were 30, and the other one was 40, it would be fine!” 

Yes. You’re absolutely right. It’s entirely possible for that scenario to be healthy and fine. I’m currently in a relationship with someone over a decade older than me, and it’s been one of the most stable, loving relationships in my life. 

Wanna know the difference? I’m 32 years old now. I’ve have a decade of life experience that I didn’t have before. I’ve traveled, gone to school, and lived on my own. I know who I am, and who I’m not. I've been in serious relationships, and I understand how relationships work. I’ve done years of counseling and self-reflection. I’ve gotten an education. I have viable professional skills. I’ve accomplished several major life goals, and made peace with others that I probably won’t. My brain has finished developing (which doesn’t happen til you’re 25, btw.) 

A lot of that is culture- and ability-specific (ie being able to live “independently” is a really shitty metric for determining how mature/capable/adult someone is, since disabled adults who need caretakers exist), but I think you get my meaning.

At this point in my life, I’ve had time to establish a sense of self, learn how to interact with others as an adult, and gain confidence in my knowledge and abilities. I am worlds away from who I was at 19. 

So yes, a 30 and a 40 y.o. can feasibly be in a healthy romantic relationship. A 19 and a 30 year old...probably can’t. 

There are probably exceptions, and I’m not here to argue that. I’m here to say - as a rule, if you’re college age, you should run screaming from anyone significantly older who wants to pursue you. Especially if you’re still literally in college, and they’re an established professional. 

Stay safe, kids, and keep that experience gap in mind.

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

Halt and Catch Fire 4x05: We're gonna have to talk about it at some point, right?

"Nowhere Man" is a frustrating hour of tv if you, like myself, are overly emotionally invested in Halt and (some) of its characters. There's nothing wrong with it on a technical level, though it might have felt a little less cohesive than the earlier episodes, which did so much work to establish everything that was happening. After four hours of very well-plotted 'table setting,' "Nowhere Man" seems to relax a little and let things start to run their proverbial course.

But it's Halt, and a lot of characters with prestige drama/wh*te angst, so that means our beloved characters acting a fool, right? I.e., realizing things about themselves, struggling to deal, and falling back into old habits, patterns, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I'd rate "Nowhere Man" as solid, and I definitely enjoyed watching it, but I felt really aggravated by a lot of what happened in it, tbh. (Literally nothing but spoilers for Halt and Catch Fire 4x05 below.)

Things that aggravated me:

Gordon and Katie. Like, I wanna like them, but, at the same time it's like, ah, another woman who's completely out of his league! Sure, Jan Chrises

The Heterosexual Emotional Roller Coaster known as Jameron. Seriously, that fight that they have in the beginning is like, the embodiment of straight culture, and of course it meant the return of Hoe MacVillain

How did Donna NOT RECOGNIZE CAMERON'S CODE after allegedly 'staying up half the night' looking at it?!

Related: I actually enjoyed Donna trying to squeeze Bos and Cecil, but I did not enjoy worrying about how Tanya might get punished for Bos' scheme.

TOM. Really? Ugh I did not wanna have to see this motherfvcker's face ever again

Cameron's throwaway 'oh, so you are here to kill me!' joke when Tom said 'many birds, one transcontinental stone'. Do not play like this, show!

Rover Bro saying Donna's 'lost her mind'. You're on thin ice, man. Thin. ICE.

"Whoever wrote this is on another level!" Yes, we get it, Cecil is painfully average as a coder! "Go ask HIM for the damn specs!" And Cecil also assumes a man wrote the algorithm for which he's getting so much praise, so cool

"It's an old woman tied to a bed!" Again, show, do not play like this?! Also do you have to do the whole 'Tom and Cam: Cute Couple' charade? And then hit us/Cameron with the news that Tom's whatever is pregnant before his divorce is even final? Oh and then Cameron apologizes to him?!?!?!? GODDAMNIT, SHOW

Bos' utter desperation, and his fight with Cameron, which was…not the same as but was way too close to "The Threshold", if you catch my meaning. Also Cameron really believed it would never come back to her? My precious, foolish bby. Sigh.

Followed by Bos having that horrendous argument with Donna who was in full Bitch Mode (even if rightfully, considering that Bos' lie puts her at risk)? And then Bos having a cardiac event?! WHY

Donna telling Cameron to stay out of her life. OBVI. Even though part of me was all *smashes shipper goggles onto face* 'But at least they're in the same frame and talking!'

Haley feeling left out when Katie and Joanie are listening to PJ Harvey together, even though I very much like Katie and Joanie getting along (and I'm also v into Joanie's outfit, talk about A Look)

Cameron's confession. Beautifully written, masterfully acted, but it wasn't a grown up's confession. It was the confession of a person who's partly emotionally frozen at the age of 9 or 10 by her father's death and who's blurting out something bad she did so her parent/s won't get mad at her and stop loving her. None of which is bad or wrong, I just really want her to be with someone who doesn't trigger that response in her! Or who at the very least doesn't like, repeatedly enable that response (…you know who I mean, I don't have to type out her name, do I?)

Donna and Gordon's phone call felt the same way? It was nice to see them have a good conversation (where he's finally doing some emotional labor for her…) but man, I really wish Donna had someone else to talk to. And not necessarily Cameron! Just, someone who's there for her. She also deserves better!

The final montage. I didn't dislike it though, I'm more just, baffled slightly by it? It's a typically odd/distinctive Halt directing choice, I think, to juxtapose a woman, her ex-husband and their method of tracking his illness that didn't work, and her ex gf partner's game like that.

Also wait -- are they signaling issues between him and Katie already, by subtly, sort of comparing her to Donna ("Is there a pattern?") If so *Tina Belcher groannnnn*

Some things I did like:

Joanie playing Pilgrim, even if she's frustrated with it

Again: Donna. Just, Donna. Slowly but surely applying pressure to her Rover team. And bonus: the good drama that comes with viewers figuring out who knows what -- it seems like Tanya and the couple don't know that Cecil didn't write the algorithm. There's literally an entire ep of Jane the Virgin that explains and demonstrates how this is one of Alfred Hitchcock's rules of suspense: giving the viewer and some characters information that other characters don't have. Literally classic.

I'm actually not sure how I feel about Gordon and J*e's heart to heart. I don't sympathize with him, but I empathize with J*e's inability to not worry about the future and being left behind, and his habit of obsessing over his work when he can't cope with his personal life. I definitely dig the true bromance vibes! As well as Gordon's real wisdom that none of us know how things are going to work out, even if some of us seem more fortunate/emotionally stable in the present. IDK, it's a little aggravating to focus so much on J*e's angst, though?

Donna laughing evilly while Diane makes fun of a guy who cheated at golf

This will sound like a weird thing for the like column, but Diane's reaction when she saw Bos collapse. She sounded human. Also, they let us know right away that Bos survived. Man, I don't think I've ever in my life felt so relieved to hear a tv doctor say, "He's gonna be okay"

Weirdly? Cameron and Donna meeting at the hospital. Donna being very gentle with her, but then…figuring it out. She says, "So it was you." Omg does that mean she suspected it all along? She did look very pointedly at Cameron's game on the computer screen while Joanie was playing in the very first scene! Ugh I'm still mad at you for misdirecting us show

I wonder how Cameron knew to go to the hospital -- Donna didn't call her. Did Diane?

Gordon listening to calming recordings of his own voice because it's very Leslie Knope leaving reassuring voicemails for herself

Roller derby

Donna finally finding out about Bos' debt

Haley secretly listening to PJ Harvey, because Haley is a dear and I love her and I want to see her continue to enjoy her life and flourish

The final montage. I know, it's in the dislike column, and it's in this one too for Donna figuring out Cameron's game (literally) and PJ Harvey. It almost makes up for the fake out with Donna pretending to not recognize who wrote the algorithm.

I guess, in short: if they're working toward any kind of real reconciliation between Cameron and Donna (and of course we have no idea what the showrunners are up to…), they're going for that real slow burn, which is good but also hideous for those of us on board the SS CamDonna. I’m torn between dismay over already being halfway through our final season, and some kind of relief that both the awkwardness between Cameron and Donna and the episodes in general have been so enjoyable so far *KNOCKS ON WOOD*

[doedipus]

LP D&D: The Gang Experiences Some Personal Growth

Hey all. Here’s the first sessions’ worth of notes, for your amusement. Originally, it was in a vaguely orderly bulleted list, but I guess tumblr doesn’t like the way google docs formats shit like that, and it came out all messy. Hopefully this isn’t too messy to follow or anything. The notes aren’t perfect, and I’ve included some comments to explain minor things from previous sessions that weren’t in the plot synopsis. They’re marked with “//,” because bold and underlined text is ugly and I italicize stuff a lot already. Fuck you, programming is cool.

Anyway, content is under the break. Enjoy~

Rolen and Escrima clear up some details with Rocky about planescape and vampires.

Coy asks Rocky to hang on to the giant diamond, Rocky shows us his sick-ass vault. //Coy was able to extort a diamond the size of your head out of the child dragon we ran into back at Candlekeep. 

The vault has everything of value in the multiverse

Narcovi reeeeally wants us to go to Sigil. There’s a portal in an abandoned warehouse. //For a couple sessions, Narcovi had been telepathically pestering Escrima from beyond the plane.

Coy looks around for the other dragonborn guy. He decides against being a cool guy on the chandelier.

Escrima wants to whisper something in Coy’s ears. Coy reminds him that he doesn’t have ears.

“But then how do you hear??”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

JP reminds the players to get their shit off the boat before it leaves. //I talk about over-the-table stuff a lot in the notes. JP is the name of the DM, “the players” refers to the people playing the game, and not the characters, and I listed the player names next to the characters they play in the intro post.

Greg wants to wait behind for Lucas. //This session and the one where Lucas goes to meet Gandalf were supposed to happen simultaneously in the game world.

Akim thinks the displacer cub is the greatest thing since sliced bread. //Coy bought a displacer beast cub a couple sessions prior because ???

Sometimes he fails his roll to pet because he has disadvantage.

Escrima wants to take Akim to Sigil, presumably to kill off any competition for the role of “party child”

Coy struggles with his role as a teen parent. He gives Akim a bell to ring if he needs help

“You’re a cow now!” - Escrima

Escrima is amazed that fish don’t have ears, and apparently tongues.

Coy pushes Akim off the boa- I-I-I mean, onto the docks, obvs lol

Rolen feeds Lupe the Wyvern

He sees some guys enter the brothel. They’re probably Graham’s family, but we don’t know that, that’d be metagaming!

Construction is well underway on the roof

Lupe learns “Strike!” The dragon drumstick is consumed.

Coy milks the Wyvern.

COY DON’T PISS ON THE PORTAL

Coy is indignant about the implication. //I forget exactly what happened, but I think Coy had to take a leak on the portal we returned from Sigil through after our first journey there or something. I wasn’t there for most of that session, so whatever.

PVP occurs

Escrima gets a message from mother that makes him unbearably sad.

He uses Coy as a shoulder to cry on, but Coy pushes him away

Escrima latches on to Connie

Rolen casts “sanctuary,” requiring Escrima make a WIS saving throw.

NAT 20 HOLY SHIT

He now thinks Connie is Mother for a minute

Coy and Rolen bounce out

Much mumbling and sobbing occurs

“HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY” //IIRC, this session took place on Mothers’ Day 2016

Once he’s finished, Connie cleans both of them

Coy and Rolen saw a glowing flash from outside the warehouse due to this.

The portal wants everyone to think of bunnies

Escrima thinks of an eldritch monster he believes is a rabbit. The portal thinks about it, but lets him through.

Coy fails to use the portal at first, causing a car outside Kim’s house to honk its horn. Then he goes through like normal.

Escrima still thinks Akim would like it in Sigil. A passing devil makes Coy think otherwise.

Coy has trouble adjusting to the geometry/civilians/architecture/LOP of Sigil. What a berk!

Escrima lets Narcovi know that Coy suffers from kleptomania. Narcovi is not pleased.

Connie enters the portal. Narcovi thinks her dress is hot.

The gang is out by the hall of speakers in the clerk’s ward.

Narcovi tells us we’re her last hope.

Crazy Eyes has evaded capture since the party engaged him.

She introduces her captive, Brektol. He’s here for a plea bargain.

He’s a member of the Keepers of the Source, the organization that spawned Crazy Eyes.

Crazy Eyes is hiding out in Ecstasy.

There’s a portal in the mess hall, near where the “””brothel””” was. //During the first Sigil trip, Rolen and Escrima went to a brothel. Being Sigil, it was not a brothel, but a place where people mind-melded for fun.

The portal will only last for about 16 hours.

Narcovi warns the party that nothing gets done in Ecstasy.

Rolen tries to twist Narcovi’s arm to get a more stable portal home.

...But she’s not having it.

Rolen strokes her ego with a crit.

She gives in.

Narcovi was accompanied by that one guy who the party saved from the muggers

Coy’s existential crisis continues

Rolen and Escrima attempt to demonstrate that gravity still works

But this doesn’t help.

The gang suggests that he carry Connie around as an anchor. Connie begrudgingly agrees.

Escrima tickles Coy to try and make him drop Connie because he’s a dick

But nothing happened

Coy realizes Connie is a tiefling. Who knew! //Connie can cast the spell “disguise self” at will, and basically always makes herself look like a human to avoid prejudice. ‘Course, being Sigil, nobody cares about that, so she dropped it.

He establishes dominance by reminding her that his tail is bigger.

The gang enters the portal to Ecstasy.

Everything is disturbingly serene.

They’re met by a halfling that’s probably stoned.

#personalgrowth //During his dialogue, he said the phrase “personal growth about 10 times

Ecstasy is on the outer plane. There’s a pretty good view of the spire & sigil behind the halfling.

The village is fairly small. Lots of plinths and fields.

Hey bruh, have you heard the good news about personal growth?

PROFILING START

Escrima asks the halfling about the murders in a roundabout way, and gets a roundabout answer.

The guy at the inn probably knows something

Coy walks through a portal to Elysium, derailing JP

Elysium is not!Mount Olympus.

He has all the dosh again.

Coy doesn’t wanna leave because Elysium.

#personalgrowth

Coy goes “looking for trouble,” as he is want to do.

Elysium is a pretty nice place, though, so there isn’t much trouble to be had

He calls over a passing CR 35 angel to chat

The angel throws his ass out at a speed of about C/11

Coy has an epiphany of life and his place in the universe.

Coy gains inspiration!

More PVP!

Coy rejoins the party.

Escrima mimics the voice JP used for the angel.

Coy attempts to clock him good

But he misses

The gang enters the inn, the impulsive dabus

It’s a gay bar, of course.

One of the patrons has some cool armor with runes on it.

Coy thinks the tiefling bartender is the hottest man alive

Barkeep has had too much personal growth for that, or so his ring finger shows.

The gang asks barkeep about the murders

The victims:

Baldod, cleric of Moradin and his merry band.

Probably on some kinda pilgrimage

Female Fraternity of order member

A Sigilese human man

The bodies had 7, 8, and 9 lacerations, probably the cause of death.

Apparently, there’s a festival involving plinths and #personalgrowth coming up

Barkeep gives us room keys

Ecstasy wine is pretty great

Bartender talks about the festival and the preparations thereof

A bard named Trolen used to bring a lot of business.

He went off with some crackpot Lady Of Pain worshipper, came back and built a temple to the LOP

And now he’s spreading the gospel to the nearby towns.

Cool armor guy interjects

Trolan is in Xaos (pronounced Chaos), preaching to the people in Sigil

There’s a portal there in the Hive “district” in Sigil

The gang investigates the rooms of the victims

There’s partially used spell components all over

Crazy eyes is bad at magic, apparently.

There’s a pamphlet advertising the church of Trolan

There’s some blood on it, crossing out Trolan’s face

Crazy Eyes really hates Trolan’s guts

Trolan was in an asylum with Crazy Eyes. they escaped at the same time

The party visits Trolan’s LOP temple

Marble statues of Trolan and LOP adorn the main hall.

A priest is giving a sermon on how great Trolan and the LOP are

Crazy eyes is in the building

The party tries to approach him carefully

Rolen’s double nat 20 saves us

Crazy eyes is hovering over a cleric

He starts yelling at her to worship him instead of the LOP

MURDER

Battle versus Sougad Lawshredder, Believer of the Source!

Crazy Eyes calls the party out, attacks the cleric

She survives, barely.

Connie uses sending to contact Narcovi

Coy polymorphs into a bat and charges. //Coy has a magic item called the cloak of the bat. it lets the user fly or turn into a bat, but only in dim light

Coy realizes the building is on fire!

The upper floors are all on fire

Cleric manages to get some distance from Crazy Eyes

Rolen uses the ebony fly to move to the cleric //Another magic item. It’s basically a flying mount that shrinks down to pocket-size when not in use

Sougad is rolling poorly today, and is unable to to kill the cleric

The ceiling is collapsing! Chunks of flaming debris fall on the combatants!

The cleric is crushed by the rubble, dead

Rolen tries to pin Sougad, but fails.

Sougad performs a ritual on the cleric.

He carves 10 cuts into her body.

Crushes some spell components.

Absorbs her soul.

Strikes a pose. //Crazy Eyes is basically a Jojo villain. 

As Sougad flaunts his new arcane power, a giant boulder falls from the roof onto his head, crushing him.

The temple collapses into a pile of dust and debris.

The gang tries to talk to some of the surviving worshippers

Trolan wants his followers to go to his church in Sigil

Coy warns against this, saying something about being an avatar of a god or something, but his pleas lead to no avail.

Escrima realizes that the worshippers are under some kind of spell.

Apparently a bard spell.

Narcovi asks for the party to return to Sigil when Sougad is dead

He’s probably dead, but there’s no time to clear out the “cubic shitton” of rubble to confirm.

INTERMISSION

JP has some kind of french junk food that’s like a turkey nugget with cheese in it

Also potato wedges

Narcovi arrives on the scene, wondering about why the building is destroyed

#personalgrowth, obviously

Narcovi wants us to investigate the godsmen. They may have sprung Trolan and Sougad.

The gang returns to Sigil, having grown a lot personally.

Coy is terrified of the geometry still, hugging against constanza.

Minor PVP

Rolen lies about someone flipping Sigil over at dawn

Coy is not amused

Spits a bit of acid at Rolen

Coy cringes as he didn’t actually mean to hit him

Shopping ensues

Escrima wants a tattoo real bad

The artist is a mind flayer, because Sigil

Coy considers something for a second and then decides not to.

Escrima wants an “I love mom” tattoo

In gradient

Comic sans

Tramp stamp

In celestial

Coy’s sense of design philosophy is crushed.

Coy wants to go to a “Body Sculptor”

A tiefling named Amasha runs a true polymorph shop.

HEY GRAHAM

-1500 gp from the party funds.

Coy is MTF, and has a bit (read: metric tonne) of work done.

She can probably use the broom now.

Armor doesn’t fit great anymore, and thus she is left completely naked.

She borrows a towel from Amasha

#personalgrowth4real

Escrima wants his pinky toes to be ~10x larger

...but everyone sandbags him.

Escrima takes a moment to show off his new tattoo to some passers-by

Some are intrigued, and touch his butt. Some even pay him for showing it.

The Dabuses are still malfunctioning, and the city is in disrepair

The gang returns to the Amarak embassy to check on US

Inexplicably, the building seems to have been restored.

US are very busy rats

...But they still have time for their old friends

US’s room is a goddamn rat metropolis

Coy is a bit disturbed by US

Everyone else greets them like an old friend

They’re preparing a massive amount of goods for export to the material plane

US is very good with both numbers and words

They like Escrima’s tattoo, think everyone else should get one too.

Narcovi enters the embassy, is confused in a general sense

It’ll be about a week before the rubble gets excavated.

She thinks we’re cool guys.

The gang enters a trinket shop looking for anti-vampire weapons

Coy finds a garlic necklace, but is told it won’t do anything.

Coy tries to be intimidating, but she’s barely tall enough to peek over the counter

Rolen buys a shady trinket that probably doesn’t work

“We’ll be back if it doesn’t work.”

Coy leaves half as much money as she wanted, and bolts

There’s 15 goddamn minutes before the portal closes, and all Coy can think about is clothes //”AS SHE IS CLUTCHING A TOWEL, RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS” -Max, justifying wasting time

Shopkeeper's name is Gilmore //”copyright Matthew Mercer I steal things shamelessly” -JP

While comparing her options and showing them to Rolen she drops her towel accidently and shows Rolen ‘everything’. //futa

Rolen doesn’t really respond, other than saying ‘I dunno they um, both look ok’

Coy asks if he thinks the Trinity style would be a bit tight.

Rolen again says “Um, yeah sure”

Coy gets a flowing gown because--

GUYS THERE ISN’T TIME FOR THIS

The gang tries to find a tacky tourist shop, but comes up dry //I want a shirt that says “I a🚪 Sigil” both in and out of character

The portal home requires the party to think of the inverse of a bunny

Coy thinks about wolves

Connie thinks about crocodiles

Escrima can’t think of anything

Rolen thinks “tibbar” while holding Escrima, and they both get through.

Everyone gets a level

#personalgrowth

END

[pleiadesgypsy]

Create Your Own Glamour

What I've come to realize lately, is that the majority of the human race is just ignoring their true selves to be the image of a hobby, or of what someone else wants them to be. I wrote my first song when i was 7. To me, that was a "DUH! of course you're supposed to be a professional singer in adulthood if you were expressing yourself so young on paper!" But there's a big fat NO attached to that. While singing relieves my anxiety and brings me a certain type of joy that few other things can, it's not my path or soul mission. I would get so upset and discouraged trying to understand why everyone I met in the music industry, and even the ones trying to break into the industry, were just not a good fit for my life. But I was chasing the glamour, the glamour I thought only fame could bring me. Then about a month ago I realized my glitter and gold resided in a different career. Once I had finally landed a stable job that could pay my bills, I realized I didn't wanna be a technician on things I don't really care about for the rest of my life, so i asked myself "What can I do everyday for the rest of my life and be more than happy, be content with my life?" And i realized the answer was right in front of me the whole time, in my own normal daily patterns, and i just couldn't grasp it. I spend all my free time reading and researching effects of energy, spirits, chakras, animal totems, numerology, and holistic medicine. If i have an ailment i don't go to the doctor, i look up the metaphysical reason behind the physical pain first and see if it can be fixed. And i believe every human needs to reach that level of consciousness, where they're aware that most physical ailments are just your body's direct responses to the choices you are making in your life and the energy you surround yourself with as well as emit. My goal is to own a practice where I can not only offer holistic practices to aid in reestablishing human health, but also establishing energy work as a base for a health plan to encourage the understanding that our mind, body, and soul are all connected to the outside world; and as much as it contributes to lessoning our health, it contributes greatly to the healing process of the human body as well.