#of ice cream. make it make sense. plus he used to poison my food and it got to the point i either wouldnt eat or had to purge out of fear o

[rigormortisangel]

why is it always people that weigh more than twice what i do calling me fat

[eartht137]

FOR THE BETTER pt II

Hey curvies, glad you liked the first part of my story yay. I now bestow upon you part 2. I went a bit out of the way with this chapter, but I hope you like it. The singing part is something I did in class once on a whim, it didn't work as good as I described in the story, I still had to submit my work LOL. Enjoy my little curvies MMMMWWWahHHH!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader SUMMARY: Mr. Kent said friends til the end of the week right? Think again. Y/n, still getting used to having Mr. Kent as a friend, is trying to be a bit more bold. She's trying to adjust to change and even though sometimes he may seem a bit pushy, she doesn't mind, its all friendship right? He'll back off after awhile right?

You walked in class, no paper in hand and you refused to meet Clarks disappointed gaze. You weren't the only one without a paper but you were really nervous about the presentation you had up your sleeve. You just hoped it made sense. "Alright, looks like we're getting speeches today. Who wants to go first? Hmm?" He said with his hands on his hips. No one volunteered. "Am I going to have to voluntell somebody?" he gave you "the look" over his glasses. Your heart pounded in your chest, but you shakily stood as first volunteer. "Alright Miss Y/l/n, lets hear it." You could hear disappointment dripping in his voice, but you wanted to do this. You took a deep breath, and started to sing. 'Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping left its seed while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains. Within the sound!!!!!!!!! Of silence.' you ended making everyone freeze and stare. "My voice is pretty much the best thing I like about me. I-I didn't think a paper could put in words what my voice could. Th-that's my speech." You said awkwardly sitting down. You'd never sang in front of anyone like that before, you hadn't even joined the choir, so singing in front of everyone was a huge step for you. Just as you'd finished processing what you'd done, the classroom erupted in cheers and applause. You were shaking at how many people liked what you'd done. You really began to shake when you saw Clark clapping for you too. "That's my wife!" One of your classmates yelled across the room smiling at you. "Alright, alright. Miss Y/l/n," Clark started. "That's Mrs. Bankston to you." the same classmate yelled out making everyone laugh. Your face heated up a bit. "Miss Y/l/n thank you for the speech. It'll suffice this time, next time I want a paper. Okay, Bankston, you're up next." "Aw Mr. Kent for reals? Like how am I supposed to follow up an act like that? Besides we're duo. Like ebony and ivory..." He serenaded holding his hand out toward you, making you giggle. "Mr. Bankston Miss Y/l/n has fantastic gpa in comparison, so seeing as your such a duo I would've expected a lot better." Clark shaded calmly, "So unless you want it to suffer any further, I suggest you cut the crap and give your speech." Clark said a bit irritated. The rest of class was filled with boring speeches from classmates who weren't even prepared to do their work. When class was dismissed, you tried easing out of the room without being noticed. "Uh, Miss Y/l/n, my office please?" He said looking over his glasses at you. You inwardly groaned and went back to his office. "So, what excuse do you have for not doing your paper?" "I honestly couldn't come up with the words to describe how it felt to use my voice. I tried I really did, but honestly, I really just couldn't find the words to describe what I like about me when-I just couldn't find the words." "Y/n, you do not give yourself enough credit. You're a very good writer and obviously an incredible singer. You can be whatever-" "Clark, do I look like a singer to you? No I don't, that's why I write, I know my words have more impact behind the scenes." You said with strength. You didn't have to be seen to be heard. "You can be whatever you want to be and you'll have my support every step of the way. That's what friends, real friends do." "Clark we are not still friends, we said til the end of the week." you shook your head at him with a smile. He smiled and stuffed his hands in his pocket. "Sorry, I'm not going away." "Figures." You laughed a bit. "What are you doing tonight? We could have a movie night." "Will Lois be there?" You asked excited. "I can ask her if you want me to." "I guess it'd be cool, but for like 30 minutes though." "Y/n no movie lasts 30 minutes. Nice try though." he laughed. "We'll be over at 8." "'Kay bye!" You said rushing out of his office off to your next class. That night at 8 on dot a knock came to your door, you answered expecting to see the couple standing there but was a bit shocked to

just see Clark. "Hey, Lois coming by later?" You asked, the last you wanted was to cause drama. "No she's following a lead on a story for the front page. She says she's sorry and she'll catch up next time." He said walking past with bags of groceries. "Oh, well let me help you." You said motioning at the bags in his hands. "I've got it, its pretty heavy." "I swear I honestly thought you'd be bringing a pizza." you chuckled. "Where's your table?" "Table?" You asked head tilted to the side. "Where you eat, the dining table?" he asked sitting the groceries on your counter. "Haha, you have a table for guests. I never have anyone over, so I just sit in front of the tv." you said pointing at your couch. He rolled his eyes at you and huffed. "Oh come on don't look at me crazy, I warned you that I was anti." "That's no excuse." he mumbled as he opened your refrigerator. "Y/n, you don't have any food in here." He fussed. "I do, its in the freezer and the pantry." you defended. "Two chimichangas, a pint of ice cream, Nutella, animal crackers, soda, and ramen. That's not food." He fussed even harder. "Okay dude chill, I'm a working grown college student. I don't eat here much anyway I eat at work, and Nutella is sustainable to my everyday existence." You said yanking the hazelnut spread away before he threw it away. He shook his head as he put the food away. "How long has it been since you've had a hot home cooked meal?" "Last week at your mom's." you shrugged. "I'm glad I brought real food to cook." he fussed on. "Clark, we could've just ordered pizza." you said starting to feel a bit bad for not adulting enough. "We could've, but I wanted to cook for you." He turned and looked at you pleading. "Please tell me you have pots and pans." "God Clark I'm hopeless not an idiot." You joked laughing obnoxiously making him roll his eyes at you. You showed him where everything was and he started cooking. You offered to help, be wanted to cook for you. You sat up the snacks an pulled up Netflix so you could choose a movie. He made his way over to you with a glass of wine. You took a sip and dramatically fell to the ground, pretending to die by poisoned wine. He got down on the floor with you and you looked at the height difference of his head by your feet and your head at the middle of his thighs and started laughing making him laugh like you'd never heard. After you both calmed down you laid there staring at the ceiling like there were stars hovering. "You really do have an amazing voice." Clark said cutting the peaceful silence. You couldn't help but smile. "Thanks....friend." You said nudging him in his thigh with your elbow. You both stayed silent until you gasped making him almost jump out of his skin. "What?" he said worried. "Can I sing at you and Lois' wedding?" You asked catching him off guard. "Oh come on, you love her, I can see it, " You said sitting up and smiling down at him. "and you both look so beautiful together." You stood tall and put your hands on your hips in "Superman" fashion. "Since I'm your friend I give her the golden stamp of, put a ring on it!" You said holding out your thumb. "Okay, I'm picking gonna pick the movie." You said marching to the couch. "That's not fair, I'm cooking I should get to pick the movie." He standing to check on his food. "We could've ordered pizza." You rebutted. "I'm your guest." he shot back with a shit eating grin. "Shit! Fine, you get to pick the movie." "Well I'll pick it after we eat." "Aww what? The tv's right there." You pointed. He looked over his glasses at you. "I don't even have a table." you argued. "You've got an argument for everything don't you?" He said chuckling. "You've got a coffee table, we'll make it work. Do you have a candle?" He said looking around before looking at you. You were there with your hands on your hips, looking at him like-'you know damn well.' He shook his head at your for the millionth time making you giggle a bit. He set the table and poured you another glass of wine. "You know this stuff gets better the more you

drink it." You said gulping the glass down and holding it out for more. "Mm-hmm." He agreed taking a sip of his own while pouring you more. You took a bite of you food, you immediately stood and clapped. "You were right, this is way better than pizza, although pizza is still good, this is amazing. "So what genre do you like most?" He asked. "Horror, I don't know why I watch it though, I always spook myself afterwards." "Okay so no horror." "No, wait please? I won't get scared tonight I promise. I mean unless you want to watch cartoons?" "We'll watch something scary." "Yaaaaay!!!!" you cheered and went to reach for the remote to your tv. "Ah, after we finish dinner and clean up." "Deal!" You said a bit excited. Once dinner was done and you'd both cleaned, even though you told him you'd do all the cleaning, he still helped. Afterwards you both sat and watched a scary movie that had you stress eating and jumping every two seconds. After that movie ended, Clark suggested another movie to help you not feel so spooked. You'd lost count of how many glasses of wine you'd had and you were feeling tipsy and tired. "Hey friend?" You hummed. "Hm?" "I fuckin hate to admit this, but I'm drunk. I'm glad we're friends. You better be glad too." you fussed at him. "I am glad," he laughed, "I really am." He said staring at you. "Good, cause you're the only person I can tolerate. Oh, and Lois....oh and that your mom, I really like your mom....oh and that cute guy from class." you giggled making Clark roll his eyes in disgust. "Y/n please." "What? He's cute, he's an idiot, that doesn't change that he's cute." You said looking at your phone. Your eyes grew big as you saw the time. "Dude its past midnight. Don't you need get home and rest for lecture?" He stared at you for a moment and you could tell he didn't want to go home, but you both knew he had to. "Yeah I'm sure I could use some rest." He said getting up to leave. You tried to get him to take the rest of the food he'd bought with him, but he refused. "Well thanks for dinner's meals and be safe. Do you need me to walk you out?" "Absolutely not, how about I see you off to bed?" "I look five to you? Don't even answer that." You sassed. He laughed and gave you a long hug, telling you how proud of you he was for using your voice and for letting him be your friend. You squirmed out of his arms pretending it was burning you. He ruffled your fro' and you gave him a playful nudge out the door. That night as you laid in bed trying to fall asleep, you kept thinking about Clark and no matter how hard you tried to shake it you couldn't help but fawn over him and how close you both had gotten so fast. 'Girl puh-lease, he's got Lois, she's beautiful and thin. He's happy with her and there's no way he'd even bat an eye at you like that. Don't even get it twisted.' you scolded yourself internally. You couldn't allow yourself to catch feelings for him that way because you knew you'd only end up with hurt feelings. You also didn't want to break up a happy relationship. 'How'd he know I needed groceries though?' you thought to yourself, 'Maybe just a hunch.' you dismissed. Soon with your mind going in 50 different directions, you were tired enough to fall asleep. "Goodnight little bird." Clark said as he watched you finally drift off to sleep. He wondered what thoughts plagued your brain that kept you awake. He hoped you'd thought of him. After making sure every inch of you apartment was safe inside and out he felt satisfied enough to go home and get a bit of rest. 'No harm in making sure she's safe' he thought as he finally took off. 'I'll always make sure she's safe.'

[riofann]

Rio Random 3

TW: Alcoholism

Part 1    Part 2 

You don’t hear from him for the next month or so. He doesn’t pay you any visits, no calls or texts. Nothing radio silence on his end. You contemplated calling him but what would that do? Nothing! Nothing he could say or do would make you feel any better at the moment. Plus you couldn’t just go back to him with open arms even though you wanted to. There were many levels of betrayal here and a simple I’m sorry wouldn't fix things, it couldn’t.

You were woken up from your sleep on the couch, typical for you these days. You were too afraid to sleep in your bedroom afraid that anything could happen and you being in the back of the house away from the door and windows didn’t make you feel safe. You hear the knock again before sitting up. Slowly you walk down the steps, when you look through the peephole you see Mick getting ready to break in before you open the door. 

"Hey" you say using the door for support

Rio steps into your house before speaking, irritation laced in his tone “What were you doing we were knocking for a long time"

“I was asleep, you could just break in like normal.” Mick steps in after Rio “Hi Mick” 

With a head nod Mick says “Sup”

You close the door and lean your head on it. You were still sozzled. Another thing you picked up after the great revelation. You would drink yourself to sleep every night. 

“You aiight?” Rio asks leaning to the side to look at you “Hmm!” You perk up. For a second you had forgotten he was there, you walk past him, Coconut your dog runs over to Mick who in turn gives her all the pets she wants as they retreat down to the bottom half of your home. You quickly rush over to where you were sleeping and grab the tumbler and drink the remaining liquor before rushing to wash it. Rio doesn't say anything but watches you. 

“Want something to drink?”  You turn to face him, doing your best to not look as drunk as you felt before he can answer you, grab a glass and make the infamous Bourbon on the rocks. “HEY MICK!” “YO!”  you hear him rush up the steps

“If you want food or drinks help yourself,” 

“Cool cool” he retreats back downstairs to watch the game. “Come on Coconut!” You smile

It was cute seeing him with Coconut, a Samoyed, who looked like a teddy bear had come to life with Mick of all people. 

“I was gonna say tequila”

Tequila is your favorite liquor 

You roll your eyes “Please you know you love bourbon it's your girlfriend's favorite drink”

Without speaking he stares at you making you nervous, thinking that he knew you were drunk. You quickly make conversation "to what do i owe this visit?”

“Came to check on you see how you doing, you haven't texted or called”

“You haven't done the same either” you counter

“I am a busy man”

“I have a target on my back”

He looks at you before speaking “We both do”

“Fair enough, we can both do better let's just leave it at that”

He nods in agreement “Just came to check on you”

You look at the clock on the oven “At 1:00AM”

“No better time than the present” he says flashing his infamous smile 

You nod, “I guess” your anxiety was starting to get the best of you again. You were able to pretend so long as he wasn’t around but now it was becoming more difficult by the second. 

“You aiight?” he says as he notices you taking lots of deep breaths “Yea i just need to lay down”

You walk towards the bedroom without even looking back at him, you assume that he planned to spend the night. You hear him walking behind you and you become more panicked. You rush into the bathroom before he reaches the bedroom. 

“Thought you said you were sleeping” he comments noticing your bed was made up 

“Yea on the couch!” you answer from the bathroom

He takes a seat on his side and starts to undress himself getting comfortable in nothing but boxer briefs

You sit on the toilet and do your best to calm down. You reach for the flask in the vanity drawer and  take a few gulps before you put it back in its hiding spot, a few more breathing techniques and you feel calm enough to walk out. He watches you as you walkover to your side of the king sized bed. He always hated it. It was entirely too big for two people let alone one person. 

You avoid all eye contact. If you thought you looked drunk he would definitely pick up on that. 

When you lay your head on the pillow the room feels like it's spinning before the feeling slowly subsides and you feel yourself falling asleep.

“Y/N”

“Hmm?” you hum

“I came to talk to you” normally you would be alert and waiting for him to talk but this time you’re avoiding any type of conversation 

You sigh “Your timing is impeccable!” 

He chuckles he missed you. He missed having to deal with a grumpy you, who didn’t get enough sleep, missed how you were so picky over ice cream, missed how you smelled, how your skin felt under his finger tips, missed your sarcastic mouth that always irritated him

You sit up and move closer to him grabbing a pillow to put on your knees so you could lay your head on it. “Okay i'm listening”

He says nothing but looks at you, 

“My name is Christopher”

For a second you want to thwack him with the pillow. Is this why he came over to tell you his name?! 

When you look up at him there’s a look of vulnerability behind his eyes. You get the sense that he was being truthful

“Okay what do you want me to call you then? Christopher or Rio?” He smiles lazily, he was expecting you to roll your eyes and fuss at him “whatever you want mama” he reaches over and rubs your leg

“I like Rio, maybe i’ll call you Christopher when i'm mad at you”

He chuckles “fair enough,” he clears his throat. “My name is Christopher, people know me as Rio. I am a divorcee to a lady named Rhea and we have a son together named Marcus.” 

You smile at him “nice to meet you Christopher”

“I’m single by the way so you know”

“Why are you doing all of this?”

“I don’t know how things like this go, I’ve never “dated” girls it was always we vibe together cool we together. I’m trying something different, you don't like it?”  You shrug “No its just odd......”

“I meant it when i said i cared about you, Beth and I are a thing of the past only business”

“What did you do break up with her yesterday?”

“More like a month ago” 

“How did she take it?”

“How most women do? Cry got mad at me typical shit”

You nodded “okayyy”

“Im serious Y/N I want to be with you,” 

You didn’t respond but laid down next to him, when you woke up in the morning he was gone. You sigh in relief. You didn’t want to discuss him wanting to be with you in greater detail. As far as you were concerned words meant nothing when it came to him. He always spoke with his actions. Nothing changed besides him revealing his name to you. He was back to being the mysterious person in your life. I guess since he told you the truth there was no need to pretend anymore. No late night calls asking how you were no more frequent pop ups. 

The next time he does show up, he’s nothing but irritated. Standing outside your door for almost 10 minutes knocking, just to break in. When he finally locates you on the couch there's a bottle of tequila beside you, cap half screwed on even Coconut’s excited yipping doesn’t wake you up. 

“Do me a favor find every liquor bottle you can in here and get rid of it” 

Mick nods in agreement before he returns to petting Coconut

You wake up the next morning in bed wondering how you got there the last thing you remember watching was Scandal before blacking out. You hear commotion near your kitchen area, you get scared but hear Rio’s deep voice and relax a bit. You get up and ready to go to work before walking out of the room. 

Without thinking about him you look in the cabinet that housed all the liquor

“It’s not there”

He scared you, you had forgotten he was there, you take a few deep breaths before turning around to face him 

“Where is it?”

“Don’t worry about it”

“Rio” 

“Why you drinkin’?” 

“Why not? As far as we are concerned there’s still drugs in my house right?”

He ran his hand down his chin “I told you I’m taking care of it”

“What does that even mean? You don’t text or call nothing just show up out of nowhere whenever you feel like it. What is the definition of taking care of it, if drugs are still being funneled into my house. You don’t  want me drink? When I can smell her perfume around the house after I come home from work? You don’t want me to drink? When I can see a trail of dirt going down or up the steps? At any given moment I could be ambushed by the feds or your enemies.... But you’re taking care of it?! Right? You tell me if you were me and someone kept telling you I’m taking care of it would you believe them?” He remained silent for what felt like an eternity “It's complicated”

“Then uncomplicate it!”

“So what you gon drink yourself to death?”

“YES!.....I mean NO!..... But you can’t possibly think that i am going to deal with all of this by myself without you there and a sober mind”

“Need to grow tough skin, if you wanna stick around” 

“I didn’t ask for this! All I wanted was a boyfriend not someone who is supposedly plotting my demise and telling me don’t worry about it” 

Offended he speaks before he can stop himself “And I ain’t ask to be with no drunk either”

You paused for a while and walked away. Rushing into your bathroom your hands shaking from being extremely pissed and needing that drink in the morning to take the edge off. You quickly locate the flasks in your room thankful he had yet to find those.Once the liquid poison settled in your stomach. You quickly gather the remaining flasks and stuff them in your purse before rushing out the door. You could feel his eyes on you as you left the house. 

When you return home your heart sinks to see his G Wagon sitting in the driveway. Carefully you put the flasks in your purse. You were hoping he didn't make someone follow you because your flasks were now full to the brim with alcohol. 

You open the door and Coconut runs towards you barking and hopping on you. “Hi girl, how are you? Were you good today?” You bend down and pet her, tears coming to your eyes as you realize just how much you had been neglecting her lately, “I promise i’ll make it up to you” you whisper as you continue to pet her. When you stand up you see Rio standing in your line of vision. You walk up the steps to see Mick sitting on the couch watching sports. You wave at him and take the corner towards your room. You had a short window to hide the flasks before Rio would come in. 

When you step into the kitchen you don’t see Mick on the couch instead its Rio sitting by the kitchen counter. You move slowly as you feel the alcohol racing through your veins. You pour water in your tumbler and pull out the bowl of fruit salad that you had made early in the week. 

“Not gon eat?”

It hadn’t even occurred to you that Rio actually cooked until you set eyes on the stove which had multiple pots with simmering food

“Not hungry”

“Late today” he comments 

“Yea” 

“Where were you?”  

You look at him wondering if he was just baiting you or he actually had no idea where you were

“Hello” he brings your attention back to him “Where did you go after work?” “I thought you knew” hinting to him possibly trailing you 

“What you talking bout?”

You knew this question was coming so you pulled out the pamphlet of AA which ironically was signed by the organizer. You place it in front of him. “We can’t have your reputation destroyed can we?” you spew out venom, almost like you were looking for another argument. Which you weren’t you just wanted him to hurt as much as you were. 

He  ran a hand down his face and looked up at you, however you weren't standing in the same spot you were walking back to the room. He wanted to apologize. He didn't mean what he said, well he did but he didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did. 

The next day was Saturday and he knew your routine to go to brunch with either your Aunt Brenda  and/or your best friend Mia. He was going to propose taking you out maybe to lighten the mood, get you out of the house so you don’t obsess over things that he was actively trying to fix. Soon after he sits down to drink his water he hears you up and an hour later the clicking of your heels on the wooden floor. 

“Going to brunch” is all you say before you begin to walk down the steps

“Think you can cancel?”

You stop and turn and look at him “Why?”

He shrugs “I wanted to take you out for brunch”

“Okay you can just join us” you offer

“Nah i just wanted it to be me and you” he is now standing in front of you and moves the hair out of your face

You nod in agreement and look down to begin texting.Aunt Brenda and  Mia could keep themselves busy anyway

“Ready?” He asked with a smile on his face  

“Yea!” you answer you walk past him and down the steps

The car ride is silent until you arrive downtown and park a street over. You let him lead the way which brings you to one of your favorite brunch spots a chic french restaurant. He remembered you talking about it and how much you wanted to come back but you and the girls were busy exploring other places. 

When you arrive you get seated, you look down at the menu before looking up at him. You kinda knew what you wanted, you had made your mind up the last time you were there what you would get next. When the waiter arrives he greets in french and you respond

“Bonjour comment-allez vous? (good morning, how are you?)” “Qu’est-ce que vous voulez boire? (what would you like to drink?)”

“De l'eau s'il vous plait (water please)” you turn to Rio. “Rio what would you like to drink?” He smirks before answering “Water”

The waiter then proceeds to tell you about the house specials for today before leaving to get your drinks

“I didn't know you spoke french”

“Yea, Krystal knew that, I guess your girlfriend forgot to mention that”

He had to admit he was lazy in his research about you, trusting Beth would tell him all about you. 

The waiter quickly returned with the water. You two were not ready so you ask for more time. 

He sighed before taking a sip of his water, You had reverted your attention back to the menu. He was really trying hard at this boyfriend thing. Majority of his ex girls were attached in some form or another to his business so it was easier to sit and talk about plans and things that needed to be fixed, than actually have a conversation. However Beth ‘Krystal’ was the last one, he was faced with the realization that someway or another that being part of the business never really made the relationship stronger in fact it made the bulk of it which he realized was not good for anyone involved.

“What are you gonna get?” he asked breaking the silence, he also hated how you could just be silent, he would rather you make small talk like Beth, whether it be joyous or filled with hate

“Im debating” 

“Between”

“Pancakes with omelette or the french toast” you looked up at him 

“Hmm” he held his infamous smile on his face the one that always made you weak to your knees

“You” 

“Eggs Benedict”

You smile at him “good” 

Before your food comes you two try at the small talk thing, out of nowhere you hear her voice

“Hi you two!”

You both look up at her it seemed like she came out of nowhere

You feel nauseous, the smell of her perfume now made you sick. “Hi how are you?”

“Having a little brunch?”

“Yea”

“Mind if i sit”

You look at Rio and before he can answer you say “Sure!” 

He gives you a look both you and Beth can read

“Here I’ll move over”  you offer as you move to the middle seat

The waiter rushes over and gets her order before any conversation takes place

“You didn't tell me our girl could speak french” “I didn’t? Must have skipped my mind”

“How are the kids Krys?” you ask

“They are good.” She says curtly before turning her attention to Rio “So uh the cookies you wanted me to bake are ready”

“I told you i didn't need them anymore” 

“But i took time off to do so can’t you just come by and pick them up?”

“I’ll send Mick” 

You sit back and observe her behavior. She had done herself up slightly more than usual, her cleavage was showing and she was accentuating it every chance she got. They continue to talk in code and it was  becoming irritating to you because you were sitting there eating your food while they could be discussing the situation in your home without you knowing. At this point you had to assume the worst. 

“Maybe you two need a bathroom break,” you interject both of their head whipped around to look at you, both looked bewildered

“Why would you say that?” Rio asked 

You shrug “it seems like there's a lot you two want to talk about clearly not in front of me” 

Rio smirked before answering

Quickly, Beth answered “Actually we could” “Nah we good, Krystal was just leaving.” He flashes her warning look before she quickly excuses herself. 

He can tell that your mood has turned sour and chucks the date as a fail. When you return to your home he speaks before you exit the car “I didn’t know” “I know Christopher,  gotta grow tough skin right?” He sighs before following you inside.

As always tell me what you think. 

[a-milky-strawberry]

SHINee Reaction - When You’re Pregnant

Minho:

The moment you announced your pregnancy he was ecstatic. However, with that happiness came overwhelming protection. Even though you were only 2 months pregnant and could still do a lot, Minho followed you everywhere and handled you like you were an egg.

When you two started dating, the both of you bonded over the same thing: Exercise. A few of your dates even took place at the gym! As unorthodox as it sounded to your friends, it made you two closer.

He thought he didn’t  have to worry so much about the exercise part of your pregnancy until he came home one afternoon and saw you roughly playing soccer with Taemin. The term ‘roughly’ might be exaggerated because you weren’t doing anything dangerous. Just a little hard defense and you skidded only once to score a goal. In any case, Minho was not happy.

“Yah! What’re you doing?!”

Y/N: “Don’t worry! I always play sports with Taemin like this. It’s good exercise for when you’re away.”

His eyes softened and he breathed a sigh of relief. He held you tightly and kissed your sweaty forehead.

“Wait for me next time, okay? We’ll work out together and do something safer.

Key:

He’ll never admit it, but he bawled his eyes out when he found you were pregnant. A sense of joy and pride washed over him when you told him over dinner. A mini sassy, sarcastic, fashionista. That’s what he wanted. Whether your child was a boy or girl, they’d have a fashion sense and a mouth on them. Sometimes you wonder if they’ll be able to behave in school with Key’s attitude and your stubbornness. It would only take a miracle.

While pregnant you’ve noticed your strong craving for sweets has tripled. Normally, you could eat half a pint of ice cream and a bag of candy and be full. Nowadays, you’d be working on your third pint of favorite ice cream and second bag of gummy bears. 

This was a big no-no for Key. 

“YAH! YAH! YAH!”

He came into the living room and saw you eating cookie dough ice cream. He snatched it away from you and you gave him a pout while whining and making grabby hands like a child who got their toy taken away. He sent you a soft glare and huffed.

“You can’t be eating this stuff anymore! It’s not healthy for the baby!”

You pouted and huffed. He knew you could help your cravings, but the face you were making was too cute. He sighed and kissed your lips lovingly.

“I’ll make you something healthy and yummy, arasso?”

Jonghyun:

You actually didn’t tell Jonghyun. He found your positive pregnancy test in the trash and when you came home from work and confirmed, he was jumping for joy. You’d never seen him so smiley. Jonghyun wasn’t nearly as protective as Minho or health conscious like Key. Yes, he wanted you to be healthy for the baby but he was whipped hard when you started showing. Anything you wanted he got for you. Ice cream at 3 a.m.? Sure. Pizza with pineapple, black olives, and jalapeños? Oh hell yeah, baby! Let’s try new things! A specific piece of candy you haven’t eaten since you were five? Sounds yummy! A new BMW? Anything for his baby.

If anything Jonghyun just didn’t want you to move. Needed to do laundry? Nope, sorry. Wash the dishes? Might burn yourself. Cook? Might cut yourself. You’ve told him that he didn’t need to do everything for you and even though you were 6 months pregnant you could still vacuum the house. He always brushed you off saying that queens don’t have to lift a finger. Especially a pregnant queen.

You two were sitting on the couch watching The Lion King when someone knocks on your door. You guys had ordered pizza about 45 minutes ago and you were starving. As you were about to get up, Jonghyun’s hand rested your stomach making you stop. He gave you a warm smile.

“Don’t strain yourself. I’ll get it.”

He got up and grabbed your wallet as you nestled back down into your spot on the couch. He came back a few minutes later with two pizza boxes in his hands.

Y/N: “Y’know, I could’ve got it.”

The door’s too far away. Plus, these pizza boxes are hot. I don’t want you burning yourself.

You playfully roll your eyes and smile. If you had to deal with this until the end of your pregnancy then you were glad it was Jonghyun.

“Now, which one do you want first: bacon, ham, chicken, and green bell peppers with chili paste or kimchi, bulgogi, tomato and horseradish sauce?”

Taemin:

You two actually found out together. He drove you to the hospital because you thought you had food poisoning. Turns out, you were 4 months pregnant! Taemin was silent for a while but erupted into sheer happiness. Jumping all around the doctor’s office and smothering your face in kisses. Nothing could calm him down and who could blame him. The youngest of the his friends and he was going to start a family! 

Taemin immediately jumped on buying clothes and toys for the baby and deciding on furniture and if you were going with a theme. He wants his child to have everything. He also picked up on the little things that bothered you. Like if your feet were hurting or if he heard you in the bathroom with your head in the toilet, he’s always there. 

You were cooking dinner when your back started to ache. You would rub the sore part and it would be fine for a while, but then it would ache again and even more. You didn’t want to bother Taemin with something so minor as a sore back and you’d have to get used to it another 3-4 months, so you tried your best to ignore it.

You felt hands cradled your stomach as Taemin approached you from behind. You jumped a little but relaxed when you saw his smiling features. He kissed your temple and rubbed your belly.

“Let me finish up, okay? You go rest.”

Onew:

There’s a reason why he has a condition named after him. This man is clum-sy! Of course he was grinning ear to ear when you told him you were pregnant, but that didn’t stop him from worrying his head off. What if he accidentally hurt you or your bump? What if he tripped and fell on you? What if he dropped his newborn?! Thoughts and worries clouded his mind over a few days. But, you assured him that he would never do that and it was all in his head. You were 6 months pregnant and he treated you like you were made of glass. He put your shoes on for you. He helped you sit down gently on the couch and helped you stand back up. He always made sure you were standing the farthest away from the sidewalk and would block any cyclist or skateboarders passing by. He even blew on your ramen and fed you.

You didn’t mind any of things he did. You thought it was adorable.

You had recently started taking walks around the city. Not only for exercise, but to clear your mind and it was a great way to calm your baby. Onew had taken notice of your routine and had invited himself on your daily walk.

You take a walk around the neighborhood, city, or the nearest park. You chose to talk a walk in the park just to see nature and not just city living. Plus, it was also a chance to give Onew a break on nearly tackling any cyclist than came your way.

“Are you okay? Do you need to take a break?”

He noticed you two have been walking for a while now. Almost an hour.

Y/N: No, I’m fine. This like 1/5th of my walk. I walk much further than this. It settles the baby down and the quiet helps me think.”

“Jinja?!”

Onew stared at you wide-eyed. 1/5th?! Come to think of it, he did start to notice that you would be gone for a while, but he also assumed that you’d take the car so you wouldn’t have to walk all the way back home. He carressed your belly and kissed your cheek.

“Don’t strain yourself, arasso? Let’s take a ten minute break on that bench over there.”

[jovialyouthmusic]

Self Care Tag

I was tagged by @boneandfur, thankyou, this was a LOT of fun

🌿 Favourite comfort food: umm – food? Bahaha I live to eat and it’s a miracle I’m not the size of a bus. It varies according to the season, so as it’s hot as hell I’ll say mint choc chip ice cream

🌼 Favourite alcohol (or hot drink!): Again, I like a lot of alcoholic drinks. Today on a hot day I’ll go for iced prosecco. For a hot drink – I start the day with black coffee, but a real treat is good hot chilli chocolate made with actual melted dark chocolate

🌷 Favourite relaxing activity: Swimming - in a pool, the last time I tried to swim in the sea like I did as a child. I couldn’t go deeper than my waist – brrr! Plus I had a small heart attack a couple of years ago and I wasn’t convinced that immersing myself in ice cold water wouldn’t kill me 😬

🌸 Favourite fluffy/feel-good fic: Oops sorry I read ‘film’, not ‘fic’ so

FILM The Railway Children – apart from when Bobby’s father appears from the steam from the steam train at the railway station, when I blub like a baby. But it’s happy tears. Otherwise, I like Shirley Valentine, no crying involved and a fair amount of laughter.

FIC I reread my own fics – Charlotte’s Choice and Protect and Serve and sequels. Sorry…but @sirbeepsalot fics about Drake, Liam, Bastien and Olivia as a complex partnership are soothing xx

🌻 Favourite calming scent: Lavender, rose, cotton sheets dried in the sunshine.

🌺 Favourite relaxing (or uplifting) song: Changes all the time. I’m presently going retro and the October Song by the Incredible String Band is on repeat in my head. Beautiful song, and I have a friend who’s a busker who makes me cry when he plays it (in a good way)

🌵 Favourite white noise: raindrops

🍄 Favourite book to get lost in: Any fiction I happen to read, preferably fantasy written by a female author. I used to read Doris Lessing (too heavy for me now) then Sheri S Tepper until I could predict her plot – that took a LONG time. Now I read (listen to) Robin Hobb. I recommend Doris Lessing’s Memoirs of a Survivor.

💐 Favourite chill-out TV show: I’m not sure I watch TV shows to chill out. I’ve recently watched Chernobyl and The Salisbury Poisonings. Not very chilled at all.

🌹 The best advice you’ve ever had: Maybe not the best, but it makes me smile and think of him and his sense of humour – my father told me ‘Never trust a man who tucks his shirt into his y fronts’ (briefs)

 tagging @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @katedrakeohd @bobasheebaby @ravenpuff02 @sirbeepsalot

[santoteez]

Let Me Teach You - Namjoon

Word Count: 2.8k

Idol: Kim Namjoon (RM) of BTS

Genre: Smut with a dash of fluff at the end, like literally a dash, you might catch it if you squint

Edited: a lil (This is another of my older writings)

Warnings: Character’s name is pronounced Ah-Deh-zay, MC is a Black female with natural hair, Daddy kink, squirting, BFF to lovers, unprotected sex (don’t do it)

Adeze cuddled further into her bed, making herself comfortable. The snow coming down outside was intense, almost blizzard-like. She had luckily stocked the kitchen not too long ago, and her company issued a building-wide alert that they would be closed for the next few days, so she was prepared for an extra-long weekend of bingeing and stuffing her face. An episode of Arrow was starting on the TV when she heard the front door. Considering she lived alone, it had to be her friend, Namjoon.  Adeze and Namjoon had been friends since high school. When they were accepted to the same college, it was almost a no brainer that they both attend. They were roommates from start to finish, and after graduation, landed rather lucrative jobs. Adeze, having been a finance major, was now the CFO to a medium-sized corporation, on its way to being one of the big dogs of D.C. Namjoon on the other hand, was a head writer to The Washington Post, overlooking the rest and reporting to the editor-in-chief. Not bad for a couple of 24-year-olds.

“Leave your shoes at the door!” Adeze shouted, not moving from her spot in bed. “And bring me a lemonade from the fridge!”

“Giving me orders and you haven’t even seen me yet. What if I was a murderer?” Namjoon popped up at the doorframe with Chinese takeout and two lemonades in hand.

“All I ask is that I enjoy my lemonade before you chop my head off.” She reached for the lemonade eagerly.

“Take it easy, have you eaten a proper meal at all today?” He asked, pulling the drink out of reach.

“I had eggs this morning!”

“What have you eaten since then?”

“I may have had one or two ice cream sandwiches…and a few honey buns.”

“Exactly. Food. Eat.” He shoved a container in her waiting hands.

She groaned. “What’s in here, anyway? You might be poisoning me.”

“If I wanted to, I’d have done it years ago. It’s house special lo Mein.”

“What’s so special about it? Cyanide? Arsenic? Mercury?”

“It’s special because it was made for you. Can you act your age for once, Adeze? You need actual food.”

The dark-skinned girl rolled her eyes but obeyed nonetheless.

She opened the container, steam arising from the brown noodles. She twirled a forkful, lifting it up to her lips. She hummed happily. “You’re right, I needed real food.”

“What would you do without me? Imagine I had gone home today.” After graduation, the dynamic duo decided it was time to stop rooming together and get their own space. Their own space meant houses two blocks away. Namjoon’s house spent most time unused with him spending almost all his free time in Adeze’s.

“I know, I know. I appreciate you.” She watched as he sat next to her on bed before opening his own container.

“Is this another rerun?” He asked, eyes fixated on the screen as he bit into an egg roll.

“Yep. It’s before Oliver and Felicity got together. You know, back when they were just friends with extremely obvious feelings for each other.”

“Right. Then they finally fall in love and run off to get engaged. Must be nice.”

“Felt that. I’m gonna die a virgin.”

“What? There’s no way you’re still a virgin.” Joon turned to the curly-headed girl.

“Says who?”

“What about Chanyeol?”

Adeze shuddered. Talking about her ex is NOT how she imagined she’d be spending her evening. “I never fucked Chanyeol, thank God. Arrogant prick. He turned himself on more than I ever did. I’m surprised we even lasted six months.” The pretty boy barely ever spent time with her, and when he did, it was all about him.

“Holy shit. I just always assumed.”

“We can’t all be as experienced as you, Kim Namjoon,” Adeze said, thinking back to all the times Namjoon stumbled into their room in college with a girl on his arm late at night. It taught her to invest in quality headphones.

Namjoon smirked, rolling his eyes. “How many times do I have to apologize for College Joon? You know I’m not like that anymore.”

“The damage is done, you monster,” Adeze shouted dramatically, clutching her chest.

“Anyway, back to the conversation. I doubt you’ll die a virgin. You’ll lose it eventually.”

She scoffed. “Maybe when I’m 60. I don’t think I could trust any guy enough, anyway.”

A long silence ensued. Neither spoke, the TV the only source of sound in the room.

“I made it awkward, didn’t I?” Adeze asked.

“What? No, of course not!”

“No, I did. I put value to the whole virginity thing and I made it uncomfortable because you didn’t.”

“Dez, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. How you view your body and virginity is YOUR choice. Plus, that’s not what I’m thinking about.”

“Well, what ARE you thinking about?”

Namjoon sighed. “You said you want to trust the guy you lose your virginity to, right?”

Adeze nodded.

“What if that guy…was me?”

Adeze nearly snapped her neck turning to face the silver-haired boy, who was calmly eating his noodles as if he didn’t just offer his best friend sex.

“Boy, stop playing with me.” Adeze shook her head, turning to face the TV again.

“No one’s playing with you. Losing something that matters to you, to someone that matters to you. How is that a bad idea?”

“Joon, we’ve been friends for years. Best friends, at that. I don’t want sex or anything else to come between us.”

He rolled his eyes. “Dez, if my hoeish ways weren’t enough to keep you away, nothing will be. I know everything about you, and you about me.”

The girl pouted slightly. He had a point. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She nodded in agreement.

“Great. Come here.” He said, tugging at her arm.

“Right now?!”

“When did you think it was gonna happen?”

“I don’t know, I thought this was like a conversation. A preliminary hearing before trial!”

“Ever heard of a speedy trial?” He asked, yanking the girl towards him. Adeze shouted in surprise, landing in his lap.

Adeze began to hyperventilate, never having been this close to her best friend.

“Hey,” Joon rubbed her back, sensing her uneasiness. “It’s okay, the further we go, the more comfortable you’ll get.” He leaned in to kiss her. Adeze felt frozen, unknowing of what to do. When he didn’t feel her kiss back, he pulled away, frowning.

“Why won’t you kiss me back?”

“I can’t. Chanyeol barely ever kissed me.”

“Oh my God. You don’t know how to kiss.”

Adeze immediately pushed away, embarrassed. “Get off.”

Namjoon tightened his grip on her waist. “Hey, hold on a second. I’m not trying to make fun of you. I’m just realizing how shitty of a boyfriend Chanyeol really is. I don’t care you don’t know how to kiss. In fact,” He leaned in again, “Let me teach you.”

Adeze inhaled sharply when their lips met, kissing back this time timidly. Namjoon’s hands roamed cautiously, grabbing her by the thighs and pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. His tongue danced along her bottom lip, which she hesitantly allowed to slip in. His gentle suckling on Adeze’s tongue caused a strangled moan to escape her throat, earning a smirk from Namjoon.

“It’s okay baby, let me hear you. Tell me how good it feels.” His attention moved from her lips to her neck, kissing and sucking until he reached that spot that caused her breath to hitch.

“Fuck, Joon. Right there.” She mewled, to which Namjoon hummed in satisfaction. He tugged at her tank top. “Take this off.” He said eagerly, knowing there was nothing underneath. Adeze lifted her arms almost immediately, previous hesitations and cautions suddenly out the window. The insignificant garment was yanked over her head and across the room. Namjoon’s lips continued their sinful assault, lowering to Adeze’s chest. They latched onto her left nipple while his fingers twisted and pulled on the right. Adeze’s heavy breathing a result of Joon’s tongue swirling around the chocolate-colored nub, with the occasional biting to add to the sensation.

“You ready for something else?” He said, stopping abruptly with a smirk.

“Something like what?” Adeze asked, lust evident in her voice, which shocked her. She’d never heard herself this way.

“Lie down.” Joon said, getting up.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her head hitting the pillow.

“You’ll see.” He said, grabbing the unused pillow from the headboard. He made a hand motion signaling for her to lift up her bottom half, to which she obliged. In a swift movement, he set the pillow beneath her butt and yanked her sweats down to her ankles, and off her body completely.

It finally clicked for Adeze what was happening, and she tensed up immediately, closing her legs.

Namjoon looked up at her. “What’s wrong, Dez? Talk to me, baby.” He said, planting kisses up and down her thighs.

“What’s wrong?” She laughed nervously. “I’ve never had anyone see me down there, and now you’re trying to shove your face in it.”

“It’ll feel good, though. Aren’t you tired of hearing your friends’ stories? Don’t you want to know what it’s like?” He rubbed her thighs, a mischievous look on his face. Adeze nodded, biting her lip. “I’m dying to taste you. Let me taste you, baby. Yeah?” She nodded, spreading her legs slightly. Joon smiled, kissing her inner thighs, biting them ever so lightly.

“You’re so wet for me, baby. I’ve barely even touched you. You like how Daddy’s treating you?” He asked. Dez nodded. “Tell Daddy what you want him to do.”

Adeze whined in protest. He was taking too long for her. “I can’t hear you, baby. Don’t you want this? Tell me what you need from Daddy.”

“I need Daddy to shut up and eat my pussy till I cry.”

Joon shook his head, pulling the drenched panties off her body. “Bratty as ever. I’ll have to tame that smart mouth of yours. That’ll have to be next time, though.” He lied down on his stomach, marveling at the beauty in front of him.

“Such a pretty pussy, all for me.” He said, the warmth of his breath tickling Adeze, causing her to squirm.

“Please, Daddy. I need you so bad.” She whimpered.

“Of course, baby. Especially when you asked so nicely.” He said, before sticking out his tongue, giving her pussy a long, languorous lick. Reaching her clit, he paused, giving it a hard suck.

Gripping the sheets, Adeze gasped, her legs trembling from the sudden rush of pleasure. Joon continued his assault on her clit, his teeth grazing the nub with each suck. Dez bucked her hips, causing Joon to drape his arm over her waist, pinning her to the bed. It didn’t stop the girl from squirming, though.

“Stop fucking moving.” He growled. “You said you wanted me to eat your pussy till you cry, so that’s what I’m doing.” He said, licking up and down her folds frantically. Dez arched her back, her forehead just barely missing the headboard.

“Fuck, Joonie, you gonna make me cum.” She shouted, her acrylic nails digging into his arm. Her words clearly a motivation to increase his vigor, Joon attached his lips to her clit in a tight lock, sucking as hard as he could. Dez’s eyes bolted shut as her orgasm washed over her, her legs wrapping around Joon’s neck tightly. He pushed her legs apart forcibly, kneeling on the bed. He pulled her body up along with him until only her head and shoulders remained on the bed. He spread her legs as far as they would go before shoving his tongue down her cunt.

“Ohh, shit. Shit. Shit.”  Dez whined as her body trembled with oversensitivity from her first orgasm.

“Mmm, you taste so good, baby. Better than I could ever imagine.” Joon said, the vibrations of his voice sending jolts of electricity through her body.

“Shit, Joonie, I’m close again. I’m gonna cum. Fuck, it feels like I have to-.” She was interrupted by her orgasm taking over once again, but this time, spurts of clear liquid came gushing out of her, splashing everywhere.

“Damn, my baby’s a squirter. Look the mess you made.” He said, referring to his shirt, the comforter, and his chin, which was dripping with her arousal. Dez sat up, giving Joon a lustful kiss, tasting herself on his tongue.

“Fuck me already, Daddy.”

“Don’t worry, baby. Daddy plans on doing just that.” He flung his shirt off before fumbling with his belt. “Condom?” He asked, reaching for his wallet.

Dez shook her head. “On the pill. For my cramps, remember?”

He nodded. “Figured I’d ask anyway. Feels better raw, anyway.”

“I’ll never find out with you running your mouth as always.”  She rolled her eyes.

“I’ll shut you up in a second.” He said, ridding himself of his boxers. Dez stared wide eyed at the pulsing member. It was large, with veins running along the shaft. The head was a light pink color, with precum leaking out the slit.

“Cock leave you speechless?” Joon raised an eyebrow, smirking. He positioned himself at her entrance before she could spit out another smart remark. He pushed the tip in slowly. Dez tensed up slightly, the discomfort of something foreign settling in.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She nodded. “Keep going.” He nodded in response, pushing further. He fought against the urge to ram into her. “Still good?”

“Give me a minute.” She said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, go ahead.” He rocked his hips back and forth, at a steady pace, sliding out a little before filling her again

“Faster, Joonie. Fuck me harder.” She said desperately, his discomfort twisting into blissful pleasure. He nodded, sliding out fully before ramming into her with much more force. His hips meeting her with every thrust, causing Dez’s toes to curl.

“I’ve waited so long to have you like this. You’re always so calm and collected, so in control. I’ve always wanted to see you lose control.” He said, lifting a leg onto his shoulder, plowing into her even deeper.

“I’m gonna cum again. Fuck, you feel so good, Joonie.” She said, digging her nails into his arms.

“Cum on my cock, baby. Show me how good I’m making you feel.”

Adeze screamed out, eyes rolling to the back of her head. Suddenly, Namjoon flipped her over, pulling her ass up in the air.

“Joon, I don’t think I can handle another one.”

“Yes you can, baby. I know you can. One more, that’s it.” He said, ramming into her without warning. They both groaned at the contact, Joon’s thrusts nothing short of animalistic. The sound of skin meeting skin drowned out the sounds of the TV, where another episode had long started.

“Shit, Joon.” She breathed out, barely a whisper.

“Right there?” He asked, his thrusts hitting that sweet spot deep inside her.

She nodded frantically. “Yes, right fucking there. Fuck, what are you doing to me?”

“You’re getting close, I can feel it. I can feel you clenching my cock in your tight, wet cunt. You keep clenching around me like that, I’m gonna cum.” Joon said, his thrusts turning sloppy.

“Mmm, cum inside me.” She mewled.

“Yeah? Wanna be my little cum slut? Tell me.”

“I wanna be your little cum slut. Fill me up, Daddy.”

Joon wanted so badly to release, but he was stubborn. He wanted to see you unwind just one more time.

Adeze gasped as her fourth and final orgasm hit her like a truck. She shook uncontrollably as fluids spew out of her once again. The clenching from her orgasm triggered Joon’s. Ropes of white, hot cum shooting deep inside her, mixing with her arousal and oozing back out. He fell back on the bed, painfully exhausted. He smacked her on the ass playfully.

“You. Go pee. ASAP.”

She rolled her eyes. “Still bossing me around?” She asked, getting up and heading to the in-room bathroom. She used it, washing her hands before walking back into the room. She laid back in bed, where Joon laid with his eyes closed.

“Tired?” She asked teasingly.

“You have no idea.” He laughed.

“You kept saying ‘next time’ and that you’ve been ‘waiting for this’.”

He sighed, opening his eyes. “You’re that clueless, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“I have feelings for you, Adeze. Always have. All those girls in college? I was trying not to think of you. When you dated Chanyeol, I was seething with anger. I was jealous to no end. And now that I’ve got a taste, my desire is insatiable. So yeah, there’s your answer.”

Adeze smiled. “I’ve always liked you too. I still do.”

“Do you wanna go out? With me? Not as friends?”

She nodded. “Of course I will, Oliver Queen.” She said, referring to the show still playing on the TV.

He laughed again. “Thank you, Felicity Smoak.” He kissed her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

[peppusae]

[kth] lavender honey ch. 3

note: this fanfic has more than one part, so pls look forward for more!

lavender honey: kim taehyung x reader

genre: fluff, crack, college au, smut(?)

word count: 3k

💫

lavender honey

ch 3: in which taehyung despises knowing the sexual orientation of dead ‘literists’

"Hey, Taehyung, do you think Shakespeare is gay?" You ask, slipping into the seat beside him at the counter the next week.

Honestly, you're ready to change your dissertation topic from 'Kim Taehyung's various facial features' to 'William Shakespeare's sexuality' now, and you feel a surge of pride as you lean against the swivel chair and exhale in content at your new discovery.

It's a warm Tuesday evening, and the library is lined with dozens of students, most of them having their laptops turned on and typing like crazy. Perhaps they were those students who had an assignment due midnight, and you smile, glad that you had actually handed your work in a little earlier this time. Good job, you're actually patting yourself for a job well done as you take your seat.

Taehyung, however, does not smile.

In fact, his face scrunches up a bit as he stares at you with a questioning look.

"What sort of black magic are you doing again to twist my otherwise perfectly normal life, [Name]?"

Black magic. Apparently, Taehyung watches way too many movies.

"No, I'm serious. Am I the only one who thinks this way?" You wonder out loud, reaching for the thick paperback inside your backpack. "Look at this."

Taehyung moves a little closer to you in his chair, the rolling of the wheels making a few heads look up from their laptops and stare at him. The male hurries to give a sheepish smile, waving it off before he turns back to look at the book on your lap.

Look, this is what double standards are like. If you'd done the same, you swear the girls who are seated at the desks would have glared daggers at your fragile being, but it's Taehyung, and Taehyung's a hot dude.

Hot dudes always have it easy aka girls giggling like they've just discovered the kind of boxer briefs Jungkook wears.

Not that you've ever considered this before.

Anyways, back to the issue in hand-

"'Shakespeare's sonnets'? What's a sonnet, and what about it?" Taehyung wants to know, taking it in his hands and flipping through a couple of pages.

You kinda wanna punch him for being uncultured enough to not know what a sonnet is, but the fact that he asked what it is makes you forgive him (it's not his confused expression that looks so cute that forgives him, nope).

"A sonnet is a form of poetry which has fourteen lines," you explain, "It usually has like ten syllables per line, but I don't think that matters to you-"

"I'm surprised that you're actually using that brain of yours, for once." Taehyung muses, and you poke him in the waist, which in turn makes him chuckle and turn back to the whitish-yellow pages of the poem book. "Because you're right, it doesn't matter to me."

"Rude." You hiss. "So you see. Good ol' Shakeypakey here wrote 154 sonnets, okay? So, it was split into two parts based on-"

"Wait, did you just call a dead literist 'Shakeypakey'?" He asks, horrified.

"There is no word in the dictionary called literist. You can, instead, use-"

"That is beyond the point here, [Name]!"

"Listen," you hiss, snatching the book back from his clutches, "He has written 126 sonnets about a young man - a very fucking attractive man - and the other 28 sonnets are about a woman. Literally, he wrote at least 5 times more sonnets about the pretty dude."

"...So?"

Oh my god, there's a limit to beings freaking clueless but Taehyung likes climbing higher pedestals. Even The Himalayas would be ashamed. You shake your head in frustration.

"So! Why else would he be so obsessed with writing like 82 percent of his sonnet book about the man if he's not gay?"

Taehyung blinks at you in shock for a long moment, not moving a single muscle. You wonder if he was actually contemplating your reasoning, but then again... Taehyung was Taehyung, after all.

"Did you... do that math... just to..."

"Yes I did the math, so what? It makes so much sense. Maybe he's not gay, maybe he's like bisexual? Because even the sonnets about the Dark Lady was kinda kinky too so I think he has a lot of heterosexual shades too. Who knows."

"This is information I could live without, [Name]." Taehyung finally sighs, moving away from you and sighing. You watch as he begins to clear up his desk space, appalled that he wouldn't understand your very detailed reasoning.

If this is his reaction to your newfound discovery of Shakespeare's sexuality, then you sincerely hope Taehyung will never see your browser history with multiple search tabs of 'kinky Shakespeare'.

Plus that one meme you found of the poet's face cropped out and stuck to the ass of-

"I'm going to go put the books away." Taehyung announces, interrupting your fraying thoughts by picking up the handful of books that have been returned earlier.

Oh no you don't-

"Shakespeare was probably from a Victorian-ish era, you know? Those times when ladies wore metal frills on their skirts to make them more poofy and shit." You hurry to say. "His mama might have stabbed one of the metal frill shit into his ear if he said he was gay. Maybe he was in a polyamorous relationship, maybe he was the one who invented the idea-"

"Oh my fuck, shut the hell up." Taehyung hisses, standing up and stomping away. You blink at him as he takes the trolley of books, quickly making his way to the shelves and starting to put the books away.

Talk about being narrow-minded.

>

"So, your brother is Namjoon, right?" Taehyung asks the next day, slipping by your seat during lunch.

The cafeteria is excessively crowded, the jet line filled with students seeking a second helping of the ice-cream sandwiches they're handing out for free. According to Jimin, it's on occasion of Ice-cream Day, which you think is the stupidest invention that ever exists.

"Yes, but," you warn between gritted teeth, "Stop talking about it. I'd rather most people don't know. I'm not gonna be that one sister that the girls suck up to so that I'd help them get brownie points with Joon, like back in high school."

"You have a good point... It must have been hard for you, right?"

This makes you soften up a little, nodding back at the male who frowns sadly at you. So, even if Taehyung enjoys annoying you, he can be nice if he wants to.

"Oh, there's Jungkookie! Yah, Kook-ah, come here and sit with your Noona!" Taehyung yells from beside you, and the said brown-haired male's eyes widen as he pauses in his tracks, blinking at you two in surprise and his face going very pink.

You can't blame him, you must be at least two shades redder than he is.

You take it back, Taehyung is not nice at all.

"Over here, Kookie!" Jimin greets, patting the seat beside him. Yoongi lets out a small grunt beside you, and you sigh, giving your best smile to the freshman and motioning for him to join you lot.

Jungkook looks hesitant, quietly nodding and taking a seat right in front of you. Taehyung is paying for this later. Wait till you hide his library card. He's gonna suffer. And you're gonna be the one ugly giggling inside.

"So, Kookie, we were talking about how we can help Joon-hyung and Jin-hyung get together. Do you have any ideas?"

"Ah, so they do like each other. I always thought that too." Jungkook blinks in surprise.

"Even the kid knows. Why is it that those two little shits are the only ones who don't know how they feel about each other?" Yoongi lets out an exasperated sigh. "If they got together, Namjoon might stop writing depressing songs and start working on more brighter songs."

"Maybe they can go to a carnival. Seokjin-hyung has a thing for alpacas, right?" Jimin asks.

"That's a weird animal to have a kink for, but I'm not judging-"

"Shut up." You hiss, elbowing Taehyung, and the male doubles over, laughing and being proud enough to have elicited out a reaction from you. Jungkook watches the exchange in silence, and when you meet eyes with him, he looks away, turning to Jimin instantly and saying 'So? What about alpacas?'

Weird.

"Well, they can go to a carnival, Namjoon-hyung can play one of those dart games, or those ball-throwing games. He wins an alpaca plushie, and he gives it to Seokjin-hyung and tells him how he feels."

"That's like an unarmed battle with a bunch of sirens. Joon can't win no matter what he tries, he's not the most athletic nut in the world." You state.

"Si... Sirens?" Taehyung chokes, an eyebrow raises in confusion.

"Yeah? You know, those pretty fucked-looking female sea creatures that try to seduce idiots like you to get you into the sea and st-"

"I know what a siren is, you dolt," Taehyung sighs, "I took five weeks of Greek Mythology in my freshman year. I remember writing 'Sirens' in Google search and having nightmares."

"Then, why are you looking at me with that face?"

"... What face?"

"It looks like a fuck face minus the innuendo-inducing expression that you use. It's that face you make when you're confused to the level where you don't even know what speaking is, and you look like you accidentally ate ruined kimchi from a ripoff Korean-wannabe shop."

"I do not. And that's really specific, has that ever happened to you?"

"Down at Lindsay's Korean Meals stand a few blocks from the library. I had food poisoning for days."

"That's kinda sad. Was it recent?"

"Nah. I missed like four classes of Advanced Psychology classes near the start of the semester, remember?"

"Oh, then?"

"Yeah. Food poisoning is sad."

"Yeah. Please take care when you eat out, okay, [Name]?" Taehyung smiles at you, and the gesture is so soft that it makes you smile back like an idiot until you hear the sound of throat clearing.

And that's when you remember that Jungkook is staring at you two, and his expression is hard to read, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed a little as if... as if...

Wow, you really shouldn't be a language major after all, if you can't describe something as basic as an expression.

Another, more defensive side of you pipes in, claiming that it's fine, reading expressions are the tasks of psychology majors, which you clearly aren't.

It's while you have this debate, that Taehyung - who seems to have noticed the way Jungkook is playing around with the bowl of grapes in his tray - coos 'Kookieeeee, what's wrong?' in a sing-song voice.

Jungkook does not respond, eyes hard and now looking at you, and both the angel and devil on your shoulder that's having the language vs psychology war together stops, making you gulp.

"The heck is this tension here? Let me do some mood-making here with my funny humour that no one can get enough of." A loud voice has to say, and all three of you look up and see Seokjin holding his tray proudly, a smiling Namjoon beside him.

"No thanks, Hyung." Yoongi speaks, picking up his almost-empty tray of food and standing up. Jimin, seeing this action, scarfs down the rest of his kimchi and rice, following the older male a couple steps behind after saying a hard-to-decipher 'bye guys!'

"Well, it's okay. Jimin might get offended if he was here to witness this amazing question that I have for all you earthlings."

"But Hyung, you're an earthling too. Or, are you an alien?" Taehyung has to butt in, and you hush him, glancing at Seokjin so that he would say whatever he has to say and get it over with. Namjoon takes the now-free seat beside you, and all eyes are on Seokjin who plops his tray beside Jungkook's, hands on his hips and puffs his chest out with a big smile.

"If Jiminie eats a mochi, does that count as cannibalism?"

"Oh my god, please stop, Hyung." Taehyung mumbles, while, beside you, Namjoon is cracking up like the loser that he is.

You think you hear Hani and Hyojin giggling, while Jungkook just stares at Seokjin as if he couldn't believe what the male had said.

"This story won't be fun without my jokes-"

"YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD."

>

You're in charge of putting away the books for today, and the trolly is lugged to the side while you look up barcode numbers and do your job in peace.

But there's a being that taps your shoulder, and no one should really blame you for being scared and starting to scream. The light above the philosophy aisle is dimmer than the other isles, so it makes you wary of beings other than human.

But there's a hand that covers your mouth, muffling your scream. God. What a sucky way to die. It's kinda kinky if you think about it, but why is a stranger making you die at the philosophy aisle, at least let you move over to the language aisle, it's literally only three rows away for crying out loud-

"Noona, it's only me." The voice says, and you turn around, seeing Jungkook smiling at you with a fond expression, looking highly amused when you hide your face in embarrassment.

"Kookie, what are you doing?!" You hiss, punching his arm and taking a couple steps back - the kid was standing way too close for comfort.

"I wanted to say hello." He shrugs, watching as you pick up a book and place it back on the shelf. "Extra-credit, right?"

You give him a nod, waving the cardholder you have around your neck. The picture of yours had come out good, you had every right to show it off to the hot freshman, okay?

Jungkook takes hold of the card, smiling down at your beaming picture, and - wait a second, his finger just touched your left boob, rip virginity - he comes so close to you that it makes you slightly intimidated as you nervously look up at the male.

And wow, this must be what interactions with angels feel like; you can see the scar on his left cheek, his pretty doe eyes, and the slightly chapped lips of his from this close, and he-

"Noona, do you want to go out with me sometime?"

"Sure, I- Wait..."

"To see a movie and eat and stuff. You're majoring in language, right? I'm sure we can have a lot of discussions about the movie after it's over."

Wait wait wait pause rewind-

Hey, now that you think about it, dissecting a movie and over-analysing it sounds like fun...

"I mean, well, of course I wouldn't mind going with you, Kookie, but do you mean..."

A platonic going out, or-

"Definitely not a platonic going out."

Shit, did you say that out loud?

"Yes you did, Noona."

"Oh."

"This is probably selfish of me to ask, but, remember that really boxy white shirt you wore once with that blue skinny jeans? Do you think you can wear it for our first date? I really liked it, but for some reason, you didn't wear it after that one day."

Yes, because Namjoon accidentally splashed ketchup all over it when you both had gone to KFC for chicken and fries later that day.

But you aren't going to tell Jungkook that, of course.

"Um. Sure, okay, I'm good to go." You tell him, and you can feel your cheeks flushing in embarrassment while you aggressively take a stack of books and stuff them back on the shelf.

"I'll message you, then?"

You give him a thumbs up, too flustered to look at his face, and Jungkook responds with a small laugh, hands clutching on the hanging straps of his backpack before he quickly runs away. And only after he does so, are you able to let out a huge breath you weren't aware you were holding.

Dragging the now empty trolly, you make your way to the reception desk. Taehyung's laptop's lid is closed now, and he has his chin rested on his hand as he watches you make your way back to the desk and take a seat.

Wordlessly, he reaches a hand out and presses his hand on your cheek. You are about to protest, when he moves his hand back and raises an eyebrow at you.

"You're quite obvious, Ms. Kim."

"Shut up. I just accidentally bumped into Kookie when I was putting the books away, that's all."

"I know."

You expect him to tease you, but he doesn't. Even when you finish up work and Namjoon is waiting to pick you both up and drive you home, he says nothing to your brother.

"Hey, Joonie?"

"Yes, my dearest little sister to whom I will share half my food, half my world, half my milky way, and half of everything I have to offer?"

"You're buying me the same exact white shirt you poured ketchup over. I have a date and I need it."

"Oooh, did the freshman kid finally make a move on you?"

"Shut up. We're driving to the mall and spending half of your allowance. You'll do that for your dearest little sister for whom you said you would give half of everything to offer, right?"

Namjoon has nothing to say while he digs in to see how much cash he has on himself.

Serves him right.

And you find it oddly uncharacteristic, the way Taehyung wordlessly waves goodbye to the two of you and leaves, when Namjoon stops by the younger male's apartment.

read next: ch 4

[namjoonchronicles]

habits of my heart | nj

➤ summary: are you prepared for the hurt, love could bring? Because no one promised a happy ending.

“Two scoops of chocolate mint. In separate cones, please.” 

You made sure that you stressed the word ‘please’ because the last time you ordered, they inconveniently put two scoops of ice cream of that weeks’ flavor into the same cone, and took turns with Namjoon to eat them, earning some unwanted glances from the crowd passing by. You walked back to the street lamp Namjoon was standing by, with two ice cream cones and saw him piercing his eyes on his phone, bringing it up to his eye height and typing with one hand.

“What bullshit did she do, this time.” You rolled your eyes back and halted in your step a bit. Namjoon was wearing his Bape, shark themed jacket that costs about 338 USD—a gift from his girlfriend when she went for a holiday with her distant family. He obviously looks like he is dissecting the message he himself sent to her, and you’re guessing, she had gone AWOL again.

“Your icecream.” You lulled and gave them to him. Namjoon, being thoughtless, as always, grazed his palm over yours, making you all flustered in the inside, unable to function in a blink of an eye from that gesture—not that he noticed any of it. “Thank you.” He sang, turning his attention to the phone again. “Did you find her?” You nonchalantly asked, hoisting yourself on the wall, brisking your eyes to the view, to cover the hurt in your heart. He looks like his lost something precious. And it was beyond you, how much that bitc—girl meant to Namjoon. After all the shits she’s done.

“She’s probably out with a friend and not tell me. Maybe she forgot.” Namjoon tries to uplift his own spirit knowing well that you won’t. Whenever it comes to this girl, you get so rigid and uptight, you don’t even smile. Almost all the time when the talk comes to be about her, you would always dash it off. “...I’m worrying a lot, as always.” He added and had no intentions to further explain what it is about her that makes Namjoon a worrywart.

You nodded needlessly towards that comment and is heavily endorsed in that ice cream to talk about that ignorant girl. To be honest, when Namjoon first talked about her, you already despised her.

You remember that fateful day, quite well. Too well, infact. Namjoon was smiling so wide, the sun looked dim that day.

He and his lanky builts, bends over and pushed his back to the handrails, elbows rested on each side in a very laid-back manner he’s known to have whenever he is in a good mood. “Shall we go on a train trip this weekend?” He asked. “I have this girl...and I asked her out today, and she said yes.” He didn’t wait for what you had to say and just begin to ramble about her.

You asked for a picture and instantly, “I don’t like her,” blurted out your mouth. And Namjoon scoffs, “You’ve never even met her.”

“Don’t have to.” “Is this the psychic part of you, talking?” “Mock me all you want, but my intuitions has never been wrong.” “Maybe that psychic part of you can predict what question is going to come out on the essay section, because honestly, it’s driving me crazy to even think about it.”

You looked at him, ridiculed. “What do you mean, driving you crazy? In what sense of an A plus student, a sentence extraordinaire to find an essay section as ‘crazy’? When will it daunt to you that I cannot be lied to?”

Namjoon giggled like a baby, watching you through a crinkled eyes, “Seeing you worked up, brings me joy. Appease me.”

You rolled your eyes again.

What is it about this girl that makes Namjoon fall head over heels?

“I don’t know. It’s just. Probably her hair. She had this regal feel to her? Mad body. Her fashion sense is just wow. And that converse high...” Namjoon whistles, “Its not good for my heart.” Where in that sentence sounds appealing to you? Namjoon obviously fell for what his eyes sees again. If you could just write down how many times Namjoon got hurt because of the things she says and what she didn’t say, you could write a book. With three volumes, maybe four? There’s this one time, Namjoon bought her a teddy bear and she said it was tacky.

Or that one incident when Namjoon wanted to go to an amusement park, waited and went home alone because she didn’t show up. When enquired why she did so, she told you that she didn’t want to go to an amusement park and she lied to Namjoon and said, she simply forgot. The nerve that girls had. Namjoon once had rode a bus to go to a movie she chose and she deliberately changed route and blamed him for not having a driver’s license. There’s numerous time that Namjoon came to your apartment because she did something out of context. And there’s even more time, that he came, wanting to be drunk so he could forget what he sees.

“Sometimes I feel like...we’re in a business relationship. She’s she and I’m, me.” He hung his head back to your couch, the liqours finally tipping his head, not as much but just enough to make him spill his inner thoughts on you. Like always. Namjoon needs to learn how to separate between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’. Namjoon is immensely loyal to someone who clearly had no idea what’s the meaning behind the word. Sometimes, he just comes over to cry. He’ll make all sort of excuse to come over.

“I had flu. You have flu medicines?” “I have a headache. The boys’ are playing too loud.” “I can’t sleep. She hadn’t text me. I say some stupid shits again.” “I just want to be here.”

Namjoon would make a bed out of your couch. Once, you try to make a freezer out of your own home so he would leave, but he started shivering as he sleeps, so you had a blanket over him because seeing him like that, aches you. You also tried to move apartment, but as if the universe had something against that, you can never find an apartment good enough to live in. If he keeps coming here, people are going to think you’re a slut for having a guy in a relationship stay overnight, all the time.

But what can you do? Like he said, he had nowhere else to go.

Maybe you needed him as much as he needed you. In a platonic way.

Namjoon catches you climbing on top of a shaky stool trying to obtain something from the top shelf of your laundry room. “Okay! Okay! What is it you’re trying to reach? What do you want, let me get it for you...” he was obviously flustered. “That detergent. That one on the left.” You blinked at him. He hands you it with almost no effort in reaching out for them. “Here. Can you stop worrying me? I’m buying a new stool, that one is so shaky, don’t ever get on it, again. I’m confiscating this,” he folded the chair and really took it with him, home. You come home from class to see a new, more stable tool on your doorstep with a piece of paper. When you took a closer look, it was actually a receipt, heavily scribbled with a thin ink on the price, and was written, “Total price: An ice cream.”

You tried to pick a fight with him. Push all his buttons, yelled at him, make him angry, ignore him, only to say sorry afterwards because you don’t have the heart to. He was patient with you. And it was hard not to be soft at that. How can you, when he brings you food when you screamed at him. “I thought you might be hungry, so that’s why I came with food. Also, I bought you coffee. You probably hadn’t had one, that why you go all bitchy on me.” He rustles with one bag strap on one shoulder, leaning over to the counter before rushing to his next advanced calculus class. He left the convenient store and you watch him through glass window, giving you two thumbs up while skipping backwards, hitting someone in the process. “Don’t make me love you, damn it. I’m trying to hate you.” You murmured as he lunges his feet across the fountain.

“Excuse me. Is this seat taken?” You turned around to see the owner of that sultry voice and saw her. Her silky hair, falls effortlessly over her shoulder, flourishing immense essence of feminine goodness, she would have easily passed as a goddess with that carefully propotioned body. Her eyes, lips and nose looked like it was drawn to perfection. She was a typical boner magnet and Namjoon was a lucky guy to have end up getting her attention. But in your defense, she was lucky to even get Namjoon’s attention. “Hi...!” You perk up in false excitement, high pitched voice, that exudes your purposeful lips to say another competent lie, “...how nice to see you here! Don’t you have class today?” The sentence could go two ways, not that her dense bird brain could ever pick up on it.

“I’m done for the day, I was just wondering if you’ve seen my boyfriend.” You may have heard the words, but you can’t ignore the poison in her voice when stressed the words ‘boyfriend’ in your wake. “Why would I know where your boyfriend is...?” You spat, hands flying around, before lacing together, “...he is wherever he wants to be. Of course. You really shouldn’t worry about him. He is very loyal...maybe you could learn a thing or two, from him.” You said and eyed the guy behind her, choosing a shaver, “Hey junior.” You waved once at the guy. You think his name was Jeon Jungkook.

“You have a thing for Virgos, don’t you?” You scrunched your nose at her and smiled, cheekily. She returned the same expression with a tilt of her head, “At least it’s better than lurking around things that are not yours. I’m being a good senior to him. Maybe if you join a mentor-mentee programme, you’ll see how it is for real, but oh!” She gasped, pretending to be shocked, “...you’re not smart enough for that. Poor thing.” You twisted your lips into a purse and smiled again, with a little shake of your head.

“You may have all these boys dicks with your pretty little pussy, but you know I see right through your fake tits and perverted brain. I wish the words that leave your mouth are as pretty as you, but that seems a little too far-fetched,” you blinked repeatedly. “At least I’m getting dicks. You could use one, just give me a call.” She flipped her hair back and you caught her flawless neck. You dropped your gaze to your lap and stared at your knuckles for a minute before tipping your eyes at her again. “Wow.”

“That’s a great clapback isn’t it?” She passed. “All you ever seem to care about is dicks. Calm down, bitch. I’m not going to threaten you by telling Namjoon, because I know you don’t care about that shit. You don’t care about anything. I’m just whisking away what I just saw and I realise that talking to me had you perspirating that your neck make-up is starting to melt away...” you shake your crossed legs away. “How can you be so shitty at that when its the only thing that’s keeping Namjoon around. Here, my bb cream. It covers tattoos well. That hickey won’t show.” You handed her a tube. “Why I would have this?” You asked her and returned an answer, “...different people, different scars. You don’t know anything about me. No one does. You know the only thing that’s keeping you with Namjoon is the fact that he’s happy when he’s with you, right?”

“Good girls never win, do they?”

You remained seated and ate calmly until she leaves with Jungkook. She was obviously sleeping with the poor kid. She changes guys like she changes clothes. That trip to US? She went with Hoseok from Finance. She had the audacity to buy a cloth for Namjoon when she’s out there cheating on him in the open. Probably used Hoseok’s money too.

When will it grow on you that Namjoon is only seeing you as comfort? When will you see that the only reason he was with her was because she fits his ideal type? When will you pack your feelings and go?

It’s not like you haven’t tried. You try to make plans. Plans without him. Be busy on your own, take classes without telling him, go on adventurous solo trips, only to have 15 missed calls and 27 texts when you come home. Sometimes he sits by your door sill, waiting. So, one day, he stood by the stairs to your apartment and saw you got out of a car, foreign to him. He had never seen it before. This guy was tall, not very tall, but was suited up in his white dress shirt, and black slacks. Painfully friendly to you.

Of course you had the car door open because he even got to your side to do the gentlemen-like gesture. “I was going to get it for you.” He chirped from afar and you giggled elegantly. And it sounded so odd from Namjoon’s point of view because he had never heard of that giggle coming out from you. He narrowed his eyes at the guy who had a stunning smile, as he walks you to the apartment entrance, leaving his car behind, running.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” He asked. And you, were polite as always, “...oh yes. Please! Don’t leave your car running. It’s a...dangerous neighborhood.” He rushed back to his car and shut the engine, lock them while jogging back to where you are. As he was tendering his car you caught Namjoon by the last stair, sitting and gasped out loud. “...what are you doing here?” You muttered through gritted teeth, hissing and flaring eyes.

“What are you doing.” He grumbled back just as loud.

“Pretend we don’t know each other. I’m going to walk past you.” “No. Who is he? What is he doing here?” “My new apartment dealer, he sends me home.” You hissed, “Why are you talking to me, I don’t know you—“ “—Don’t tell me what to do.” “Namjoo—hey!” You exclaimed at the guy, “Yes, I’m just going to. Nice talking to you...person,” you eyed Namjoon, “Good day.” Namjoon widens his eyes on you and you grabbed the guys’ hand and directs him up. He was clearly not knowing why he is being manhandled this way, but he goes with it.

“Would you like tea, coffee, unhealthy drinks?” “Unhealthy drinks, sounds good.”

A bagpack was thrown over the balcony at one try. Namjoon hops to grab the rails and with his incredible height, he latches without a problem. He throws one leg over the hand rails and climbed on, kicking an old beer can to the glass window by accident. “Sodas...” he heard you say from inside. “—what was that? Something is outside your balcony it seems.” The guy passed.

“Really?” You walked over the glass door and revealed a bit of the curtain to see what, or who it was. Namjoon sat, leaning against the rails, waving at you with a smug smile. “How did you get there?” You mouthed. Namjoon described the action with his fingers-jumping across. “I’m calling the cops.” You replied.

Namjoon stuck his tongue out at you and you roughly keeps the shade closed. “Just a... cat.” You shrugged.

After Seokjin, the apartment dealer left, you confronted Namjoon, letting him in through the glass door and opened the shades to let the sun in. “I can’t believe you just did that.” You grumbled low, vacuuming your living room. “I can’t believe YOU let a guy in your apartment.” He darted and you turned to him with a look that would have killed if he wasn’t strong enough to know that stares cannot murder.

“I’m a single girl Namjoon, I can let whoever I want in. Besides, I’m moving and he already knows where I live next, so he doesn’t have to come over here anymore.” Namjoon looks up at you with puppy dog eyes, whispering, “You’re moving...?”

Oh no. You blurted them out and now, he knows.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Fuck. Why did you have to slip up this way? Namjoon wasn’t suppose to know. You were going to do this behind him.

“I’m going out.” You said, thinking that it would divert his attention but Namjoon stayed close to you even as you walk. Tailing you like a lost puppy. “I don’t have to tell you things Namjoon,” you spat, dryly. “I don’t want to tell you initially...”

“Why not?” He mumbled. “Because you don’t have to know?” You spun around and returned to your track. “Please don’t pout like that.” You told him and speed away on your feet. “Buy me an ice-cream.”

You munch on your cone without another word, the after taste of chocolate mint ice cream still linger on your tongue. “What if I tell you, I don’t want you to move.” Namjoon was still licking his ice cream, like a child. “I don’t care.” You spat. “I don’t care about what you want.” You added. Namjoon swallowed the whole dollop of ice cream in one mouthful. He is going to get brain freeze from that. Maybe brain freeze is what he needed now.

“Don’t move.” “I will.” “Tell me where it is.” “Why? So you could come and go as you please?”

Namjoon dropped his head down and let out a low chuckle. Breath-takingly beautiful view. His white pearl lines of teethc paired with his hearty low gritty voice and dimples dipping in the most stunning way. Simply captivating.

I want to kiss you right now. You thought.

But you blinked, and the thought flew off as quickly as it came. “Sorry.” You returned to your docile self. “I just wanted to be away from you.” You sighed. Thoughts rushed into your brain, on how much you wanted to take care of him when he’s broken, how you enjoyed being needed, how he appeases your soul with mere presence, his electric accidental touches and wondrous mind—Namjoon was literally everything to you, the centre of your universe, your moon and constellations, the atlas of your heart, the home and planet of your soul.

The one for you—as your heart rebels against your logic. Pieces of you was in him, you were more than certain, only if he paid closer attention. “You don’t understand.” You began. Namjoon turns to you in a glance. “Enlighten me what I don’t understand,” he spat, clamping his teeth between his lower lips to contain all the bubbling anger he bores in him as he forces himself to listen and surpress his emotions, disciplined himself into professional mode.

“It hurts. Being with you, it hurts. It hurts to see someone you love, love someone else.”

Frustrations filled your spill of intonations as your nails rake into your skulls while you spoke through your soul at him.

“I can’t move on from you...because I am so... So incredibly filled with you that it frustrates me how much I am incapable of losing whatever it is that we have. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of feeling helpless towards all the things that is you, and I hate it, I hate the fact that I can never-ever be more than this. I get it okay? I get it that I’m just me. I’ll never be your type and that’s fine. I am never anyone’s type. I’m the one They made to be just, this.”

You breathed in shakily, feeling the prick in your eyes, your throats swollen with unsaid words, your fingers clutched to the brim of the brick wall you sat on. “I do everything I can, and I’m never the one. Maybe I was just too kind. Maybe I’m not made to be loved. Maybe I’m just... not made for anybody. Maybe I was born to give and never receive, and if that’s that the case Namjoon? I’m okay.” You wiped your tears.

“But please let me go.” You sniffed, and crumbled, “Can’t you see that you’re hurting me?” You fisted your knuckle and battered your chest, “It’s very painful, in here. To love what you can’t have.” You stammered.

Just let me, go.

“That’s why. I’m not telling you where I’m going.” The tears subsides. You hated crying in public but the tears came unwanted. But it didn’t stop you from saying what you wanted to say. “I’m going to be happy now. I’m going to leave you and this country behind and I’m going to be happy. I’m going to find somebody, and I’m going to be happy,” you hoisted yourself off of the wall and started walking.

“Goodbye Namjoon.”

[boughtwithaprice]

Let me tell you something about these photos you are looking at right now. These avocados remind me of my failure and faith. These two Fs encapsulated in one post is my itty bitty story of success. It’s nothing big, really. The minty green color of avocados just looks deliciously promising and promisingly delicious. 🤩

Weeks ago, I failed to sell a couple of kilos of avocados. It’s not my official business but selling goods is fun and it makes me hear an unexplainable sound of triumph. And so, not being able to sell a bunch of ripeeeee avocados is a big failure on my part. Small things could spoil a day, big time! As much as I want to devour them all, I have to be honest to myself that avocados are last on my list of favorite fruits.The same goes for my hubby. We also stay in a place full of avocado trees, our neighbors have stocks as well.

Thinking that the fruits will just soon go to waste is even more frustrating! How could they all ripen at the same time!! I really thought hard on the best move to make the most of the avocados. I took a moment and literally stared at them for minutes. They’re soooooo purple and starting to get moist. After what felt like forever, I suddenly thought of the many fruits I had trouble consuming before. You know what I did? I made soap out of them. Just kidding! I made them into an ice cream because I like sweets and freezing the fruits would of course sort of preserve them a little longer. Turning them into an ice cream would buy me some time to consume them for days.

And what do you do with an idea? You share them! Sakto kasi Rojel and I planned to go visit my hometown, Batasan, the coming weekend. I just got all excited to share my ice cream with my Perez homies and started diving into the whole messy ice cream making process. Just after the last drop of the fruity cream hit the tub, that’s when I learned about NCR being placed under ECQ again just before the weekend. 🥺 The ice cream won’t make it on time. Again, I was disheartened as I thought about eating all the ice cream I made. Alone. At some point, Rojel will surely eat them. But mostly, I’ll be on my own! Appetizing but, ugh! That’s rather cloying!

Pensive hours passed by. I’m not too confident to let others eat my homemade ice cream. My family in Batasan could handle a little food poisoning but it could be seriously fatal to others. 😅 Plus, I don’t have people in Cavite who will patronize my stuff. Now, here comes hubby comforting me when I was about to break down. Just kidding. I love exaggerating stuff! So we ended up selling my avocado ice cream for a very cheap price. Hello, pandemic. We need cash. Lol. 🥸 I made seven tubs. I took courage to sell them to people I barely know-the people who will not have any problem saying “no” to me since a “yes” is not formed on a familiar bond. But thank God, I got six yes! One stayed for personal consumption and another one was sold to my very kind co-teacher. Honey, on the other hand, sold the rest to his colleagues. I was so nervous that I could bend a steel fork!! The ice cream will only last a week and should be consumed right away. And in all seriousness, finding customers before another community quarantine is no joke. Raw and fresh food are harder to sell than other goods with longer shelf life. That’s why it was a big relief, but I was still sooo anxious knowing well that a person’s humanity is so easily judged by taste of the food he makes. 🥲

We’re not talking about big amount of money here, and it’s really nothing compared to others. But I was sad that I wasn’t able to earn more than what money and effort I have spent. (Making ice cream is for another long entry with what little equipment I only have 😁) But again, Rojel reminded me that earning money is not my main concern. Our main goal is to avoid our eyes from witnessing how avocados would slowly overripe and tragically rot on our dining table. That’s it! The word “sayang” has made so much sense when used for food one has failed to consume. Selling the ice cream is just a side story. Oh, and another good thing Rojel constantly reminded me was that I was able to share my delicacy with others. Indeed, a scrumptious food makes people happy! It’s overwhelming to know that I was part of other’s happiness for a few minutes! And when they poop green, they’ll be reminded of the avocado ice cream again! That’s another minute with me! 😊

In the end, I received compliments on the avocado ice cream. I think I want to start an ice cream parlor in the future. Jk! It made me so happy. I wanted to cry! 😭 Selling was fun but ain’t funny.

It’s like that weird but successful idea of making a penicillin out of a moldy bread. Ripe fruits that will eventually rot could definitely make up a delicious ice cream! It’s true that there’s always beauty in the ugly. Failure and faith are two magical ingredients that make this life even sweeter. And this bitter-sweet event is yet another reminder of how God works even in the smallest detail of my life. I thank the Lord for the provisions-the supply of avocados, the delicious idea, the people who craved for avocados, and my hubby who would constantly remind me of why I do things in the first place ‘coz I get easily sidetracked along the way most of the time. ♥️

Sorry for the long post. Here’s an avocado 🥑

[pocketsizedsam-blog1]

Imagine- John Lennon

Dean x Reader

word count: 2 304

warnings: swearing 

You woke up. It was a casual Wednesday morning. Until the weirdest things started happening. Dean actually made you breakfast? No fast food- or diner pancakes? You were in a house- An actual house- Not a motel like you were last night. There were pictures of you and Dean scattered over the walls. You stood to look at a couple. Were you in Paris? Rome? and Canada? You followed you keen sense of smell to the kitchen where Dean stood, dressed in a suit. Looking sexy as always, might you add.

"Oh good! You're finally up, sleepy head!" Dean exclaimed.

Sleepy head? Dean rarely called you nicknames other than his usual 'Babe' or 'sweetheart.' In your relationship- He never once called you 'Sleepy head'.

"Mom is going to swing by later with Em, To see her auntie Y/N- Then you, mom and Amelia are going to going looking for a wedding dress, according to mom." He smiled big. "Don't forget to go big and beyond!"

He gave you a kiss as he rushed past you.

"The office called me in early today. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah. Later..." You frowned, not really into it.

Dean was gone before you knew it. Leaving you with a cooked breakfast, Including bacon, Toast and scrambled eggs, Just how you liked them, plus a cup of tea with your casual three milk. no sugar, and your toast buttered with raspberry jam on it.

"Am I going insane?" You asked yourself, as you sat down and started eating the breakfast your Fiancée Dean made you.

Since when were you and Dean getting married? He hadn't proposed to you! When did Mary come back from the dead? This was all so confusing- You thought you were going to be sick. Who's Em? and Amelia? Like Sam's Ex, Amelia, The Amelia you lived with for a year when Dean went to purgatory? Before you knew it- an hour had passed. There was a knock on your door. Damn! Where'd you and Dean get the money to afford this?

"It's huge!" You thought to yourself, as you opened the front door.

"Hey, Y/N!" Mary's face lit up.

You had never met Mary- But you had seen the photos. You felt bad for Dean, losing his mother at such a young age. He never remembered much of her. -I mean- he was only four.

"Sorry it so early! But I had to get this little one over to see her Aunt Y/N before We go to the Bridal Salon!"

"oh my gosh!" You said awkwardly. "She is so beautiful!"

Mary handed you the baby. A little smirk spread across the infant's face and she cooed when she seen you.

"Emery loves her Auntie Y/N? Don't you Em?" Mary moved the coat out of the little girls face.

So that's where Dean got 'Em' from!

"You aren't going to break her, Y/N. Don't act like you've never held a baby before!" Mary exclaimed. "Sam and Amelia were out of town for the night." She continued. "They left little Em with Nana for the night!"

"Sam has a kid?" You wondered to yourself out loud.

"Of course!" Mary gave you an awkward smile. "Are you feeling okay, Dear? You look like you've seen a ghost!''

"Yeah.. No I'm okay... '' You stuttered.

A few hours had passed when Amelia and Sam showed up at the house as well.

"Mom? Y/N?" Sam called from downstairs at the entry way.

"Up here, Honey!" Mary called out.

You were laid down on the couch with Sam and Amelia's small baby curled up on your chest.

"There's my babygirl!" Sam exclaimed! "She really takes advantage of you when we're over, Doesn't she? Dean at work today?"

"... Yes?" You half asked.

"Good. He's a hard working man, Y/N. " Sam smiled towards you.

"What exactly... does Dean do?" you asked sub-consciously.

"Are you feeling okay today?" Sam chuckled. "Dean and I own a law firm?"

"Oh yeah right.. You guys do...." you mulled it over, Realizing that's why the house was so damn big!

"She's been like that all morning." You heard Mary muttering to Sam.

Out of concern, the three looked at you.

"She does look a bit pale." Amelia said to both Sam and Mary.

"I'm fine- guys." You interrupted.

"Okay." Sam said, Unconvinced. "Well... I'll be taking Emery home while you guys have some girl time!" He gave Mary a hug and Amelia a kiss before leaving. "See ya Y/N!"

"See you, Sam." You smiled slightly as he carefully took the sleeping baby off your chest.

Mary suggested you three got some food first, then head down to the bridal salon and get fitted for a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses.

"Did you say your parents were going to be attending the wedding?" You nearly choked.

"My parents are dead-" You said defensively. Not believing Mary'd ask a question like that.

"We visited with your parents three months ago when you and Dean got engaged!" Amelia exclaimed, sincerely worried about you.

"In that case... no- They aren't coming to the wedding." You said coldly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mary pressed her wrist against your forehead.

"I'm fine!" You protested.

~~

You sat at the dinner table with Dean. He told you all about his day. Interesting cases he was working on, which he never disclosed details on. You sighed, rather loudly causing Dean to furrow his eyebrows.

"You wouldn't understand..." You frowned.

"I'm your fiancé. I know you better than anyone else... What's wrong?"

You had never seen this side of Dean before. Honestly, it made you not want to leave this alternate reality. -But you had too. These deep feelings inside you made you want the old Dean. This Dean- He was soft. Didn't have the Dean Winchester musk. You didn't doubt that the sex was good... You were sure any Dean could please you... But this Dean he was different and you needed to find out why.

"I'm telling you! You're going to lock me up and throw away the key..." Your voice got shaky.

Dean got up from his side of the dinner table and made his way over to you. He bent down in front of you and smiled.

"How about we chat about this over warm apple pie and french vanilla ice cream?" He gave you a smirk.

At least this Dean still had a taste for pie.

"Sounds good." You smiled weakly.

Dean and yourself grabbed a piece of pie, warmed it up and then put french vanilla ice cream over it. You two went into the living room of the humongous house you two shared. While waiting for Dean you read an article on your phone titled, "100 and more dead after plane crash in Pennsylvania!"

"what the hell?" You asked yourself.

you clicked the article and continued to read.

"Sam, Dean and I stopped this years ago. We saved those people such a long time ago-" It's when it hit you. You weren't in your right life.

You stood up, a cold, dead look in your eyes. It came to you in flash backs- one or two. Dean and Sam calling your name. Your vision blurry, Your head hurting like hell. You stumbled into an inn table in your fake house.

"Babe? You okay?" The impostor Dean worried.

You had remembered your Dean saying "Kill yourself in a dream and you'll wake up... Hopefully."

You repeated that to yourself, Which really freaked your alternate reality Dean out!

"Babe! Babe! You're not dreaming! This isn't a dream!" He frantically called out to you.

You grabbed your keys on the way out and quickly hopped in your car. You didn't pull away fast enough before Dean got in the car with you.

"You're acting crazy- Y/N!"

"Look as much as I like it here, this isn't my home!" You start the car and put it in drive.

You missed the impala. You missed the way the leather smelled and the way Dean used to drive her hard when you three had a case to get to. Missed they way her engine roared. Missed the way Dean- The real Dean- fucked you in the back seat when Sam wasn't around.

"Of course this is your home! Y/N... What are you talking about? We've lived in this house together for almost ten years now!"

"Sam, Dean and I were hunting something called a Djinn- Ever heard of it before?" Dean shook his head no. "Thought so... Okay- They have abilities. They have a poison that can make you hallucinate and they make you see your greatest and deepest desires. Still never heard of them?" He shook his head no again.

But this time spoke. "So you think you were attacked by this... what did you call them...?"

"-Djinn, Dean don't you ever listen?"

"So you think you were attacked by this Djinn. Well that's just freakin' awesome."

"Yeah, you think...? Do you know any big abandoned warehouses in the area?"

"There's one on Duckworth and Main? What does this have to do with anything?"

"It's where they hide out, Dean." You huff, starting to get annoyed.

You speed off the Duckworth and main, and Like Dean said- there was a BIG warehouse. You parked the car and turned the key back. You pulled the keys out and put them in your pocket. Both you and Dean got out.

"I hope you know how insane you sound! I can't loose you baby!"

"Dean I'm not insane! This is happening! Monsters are real."

You entered the warehouse. Nothing! Nothing! This wasn't the warehouse you were in!

"Where the hell are all the bodies gone?" You screamed in anger.

Dean gave you the most fearful look you had ever seen. You found an old blade and held it, sharp end facing towards you.

"Y/N! Don't do this! You'll kill yourself!"

"That's the plan Dean-o."

Suddenly, Mary, Sam, Amelia, and the baby plus Dean surrounded you.

"Imagine there's no heaven and no hell below us. " Mary started and smiled.

"There's nothing to kill and die for... And no religion too! " Sam smiled at you.

"No possessions, and no need for greed or hunger. " Amelia grinned rocking the baby back and forth.

"Baby-" Dean began. "Imagine, you could stay here Live in peace with us. For eternity. You don't have to go back to your old life on the road and have barely enough money to get by. You could stay here, with us, have everything you've wanted!"

You had to think for a minute. Was fake Dean right? But you proceeded to ask,

"Tell me Dean, how many times have you saved my life?"

"That one time I gave you my kidney..."

"In my other life, my Dean saved me twenty two times. I want that Dean back." You started crying, stabbing the knife into your stomach.

~~

"Y/N? Y/N?" You heard Dean and Sam frantically calling.

"Dean! She's waking up!" You felt a pair of warm hands on your face.

"D-Dean?" You choked.

"I'm here baby, I'll always be here." You felt the pair of warm hands leave your face and you heard some rummaging around.

Another pair of warm hands were placed on your face while you felt the jiggling of the cord which tied your hands to the ceiling. Before you knew it you started falling into the strong pair of arms in front of you.

"D-De-an?" You stuttered.

"It's me baby, I'm Dean." He holds you close.

You feel one of his arms scoop under your knees and one wraps around your back.

"We're gonna get you outta here babe." Dean promised.

"What about the others?" Sam whispered to Dean.

"You take care of them- I gotta get her to a hospital or something. She lost a lot of blood."

You groan as Dean stood up with you in his arms. You didn't remember driving to the hospital- It was all a blur. You do however remember waking up, seeing Dean glued to your bedside.

"He hasn't left." Sam chuckled.

Your sarcastic side came out when you proceeded to say, "You p-pissed your pants because I was in a hospital bed?" You coughed and your hand went straight for your side, "Ah-"

"No, I went to the washroom." He gave you a look. "You scared me out there, Y/N... I couldn't loose you."

He sighed, Brushing a piece of hair back out of your face. "What'd you see?"

"You and I- In a really big house. Sam and Amelia with a baby. -Your mom. It was really just- Perfect."

"What made you leave if it was so perfect?" Dean asked curiously.

"The real you." You pulled him down into you and gave him a slow kiss. "The apple pie life isn't for me."

"When'd you figure out it wasn't real?" Sam questioned wearily.

"It was the anniversary of the plane crash in Pennsylvania. The demon- Christo- dealio. I knew we had stopped that. 'Cause it was the first time I had seen you scared shitless!"

"Ha ha.'' Dean sarcastically laughed. "Very funny."

"It was." Sam agreed with you.

"You guys are everything to me. Living in that life. It didn't feel like I fit in there." You frowned. "I wanted what they said to be so true. But it wasn't made for me. I'm a hunter and nothing will ever change that. We didn't even have Baby!"

"Ridiculous!" Dean exclaimed.

"Exactly how I felt." You chuckled and held your rib cage.

That Djinn really did a number on you. Finally, You had everything in life you've ever wanted. A loving boyfriend and his awesome brother at your side, Plus a trustworthy car that gets you from point A to point B and the stops in between too.

[snickerl]

Mom’s The Best

A collection of XF ficlets

I started this collection of stand-alone ficlets featuring Margaret Scully because she’s always been one of my favorite characters and a season 11 without her seems too much to take.

This installment is the answer to the prompt of a friend who’s not even on Tumblr. My thanks also go out to @how-i-met-your-mulder and @cinderella819  for helping me out with some narrative details. 

This is the first time ever I took a prompt and I enjoyed the challenge, so feel free to send me story ideas.

So far, the collection contains the following ficlets:

PEPPERMINT TEA APPLE PIE

ROOT BEER

"You can't be serious, mom. You're taking me shopping for baby clothes?" Scully asked from her place in the passenger seat of her mother's old, beat-up Nissan. "You said you would take me on a fun trip."

"This will be fun! You and me and all these cute little baby things. Besides, you're more than eight months along, Dana. What did you plan to dress my grandchild in after he or she was born? A receiving blanket? The nursery is still an empty room. I told Fox to drive to my house while we are away and get the Scully family crib, so the kid has something to sleep in at least. But you also need clothes, a baby tub, diapers, formula and-"

"I'm going to nurse him, mom, I won't need formula, at least not for the first weeks," Scully said before she realized that she disclosed information with it she would have rather kept a secret until the baby was born.

"Him?"

Scully sighed. "Yes, mom, I'm having a boy, but don't tell anyone, especially not Mulder. He's been trying to pry the gender out of me and thinks he's being very clever in his subtle efforts when a matter-of-fact he isn't."

"Oh, that's wonderful, Dana!" Maggie shrieked joyfully. "I've always pictured you as a boy's mother. You were such a tomboy yourself."

Margaret Scully had picked her daughter up half an hour ago. Her grandchild was due in a little more than three weeks and Dana hadn't even agreed on a baby shower yet. She was on maternity leave, had all time in the world to build a nest for her baby, but all she had done so far was attending two Lamaze classes; one all by herself and one together with Fox. Plus, this whole I'm-not-speaking-about-who-the-father-is thing was very disturbing for Maggie. In a way, she understood Dana's voicelessness. At the beginning of her pregnancy, Fox - He was the father, of that Maggie was sure. Who else? - had been missing and had later been presumed dead. Dana had tried to cope with the sad truth that her child would have to grow up without a father, so she had refused to even talk about him. But now that Fox had returned, the entire circumstances of his miraculous resurrection still incomprehensible to Maggie, why would Dana still not name him as the father? Not to mention the fact that some kind of gray veil seemed to be draped over this last stage of her pregnancy which had made her even neglect shopping for baby clothes. So Maggie had decided to take her out for a fun mother-and-daughter afternoon they would spend in several baby shops. Later on, she'd treat her some ice cream, chocolate cake, hot dog, greasy pizza or whatever food she was currently craving.

"First stop. Dawn's Baby Boutique." Maggie pulled over into a parking lane, unbuckled and got off the car. She walked around it to the passenger side to help Scully who was struggling to heft her massive body out of the vehicle.

"How is it that you know baby boutiques, mom?"

"I asked Grace's daughter, Amber. She had her twins half a year ago and she knows all the good stores."

Maggie grabbed Scully's sleeve and tugged her along into the boutique. They heard a chime when they stepped inside. A very attentive shop assistant instantly showed up at their side.

"Welcome to Dawn's Baby Boutique. Just because you're little, doesn't mean you have to dress out of style. My name is Francine, how can I help you?"

Scully rolled her eyes but Maggie was delighted. "It's our first baby," she told the over-zealous salesperson, "we'd really appreciate your help." Her daughter moaned.

"Are we having a girl or a boy?" Francine cooed.

"I...am having a boy," Scully noted somewhat annoyed. She hated being addressed like a five-year-old at the dentist. "And I think we'll be fine, Francine, just show us the boys section, please."

"What kind of style are you looking for?"

"Uh, I beg your pardon? Onesies, bodysuits, pajamas...something like this?"

"No, I meant which of our current collections are you interested in? The pastel collection? The black-and-white collection? Are you looking for casual outfits or something more prestigious for an official occasion?"

"Official occasion? Look, I just need some newborn essentials, okay? Nothing fancy or stylish."

"I see. Well, then here's our 30% off clearance of last year's collection."

Scully grabbed an item randomly off the table Francine was pointing at with some repulsion in her gesture as if she was leading them to the poison chest and held it in the air. "A simple white bodysuit for 29.95?"

"It's a well known French brand," Francine spoke as if to a complete ignorant. "It's 90% organic cotton and 10% merino wool. You have to wash this by hand."

Scully chuckled. "By hand? A baby bodysuit? Well, my child does not need exclusive, stylish clothes. I want something convenient, comfortable and affordable. No frills."

Francine slammed her eyes shut at the word 'frills' and sighed dramatically. "Well, then I'm afraid our boutique is not the right place for you, Ma'am. Our clientele usually consists of people with a sense for fashion," she said with her nose up in the air.

"You know what, Francine? I have the same feeling. Come on, let's go, mom." Scully grabbed her mother's arm and towed her out of the store.

Maggie hadn't said a single word, she had simply listened to the exchange between her daughter and the shop assistant, her mouth open and her eyes wide. "I didn't know you had to be a graduate in fashion design to be able to buy baby clothes," she said when they were out on the street again.

"You don't, mom. Let's find a department store with a baby section. I'm sure they have all we need there." Scully linked arms with her mother and waddled next to her. "She was funny, though." She tried to imitate Francine's slightly nasal, snobbish tone of voice, "our clientele usually has a sense for fashion, Ma'am." Both women looked at each other and burst out in laughter.

Maggie was very pleased. Despite this first abortive attempt of layette shopping, she had already reached the main goal of the afternoon and that was to make Dana forget her worries for a while and enjoy herself. They had been walking for quite a while through the streets in their search for a department store, mainly because Scully hadn't exactly swift feet these days when she abruptly came to a halt and moaned.

"What's the matter, honey," Maggie asked, worry threaded in her voice, "something wrong?"

"No," Scully answered, rubbing her belly, "the baby...it's practicing gymnastics. Ouff!"

"You mean he."

"Yes, he." A huge ear-to-ear smile developed on Scully's face. "I think I'm too used to keeping the gender neutral. It's nice to call him he. Ouch! One more somersault. Hey, junior," she addressed the person in her belly, stroking her protruding abdomen tenderly, "have mercy on your mother. In a bit of time, you'll have so much room to kick around, but not now, please. Grandma and I are going to buy some stuff for you."

Maggie wasn't ashamed of the tears that were brimming up in her eyes. When her daughter had told her after her cancer treatment that she wouldn't be able to have children, she had been heartbroken. Everyone thought that Dana was a career woman, that fighting her way up the ladder in a male-dominated environment had made her tough, stony, and centered on her professional success, but that had never been true. Maggie knew that she was caring and compassionate and had so much love to give, to a man as well as to a child. Being a mother herself, and having found so much joy in this role, she had been awfully sorry for Dana, especially when she had noticed how much she herself mourned the children she would never have, although she had tried to hide it. Of course, she had, like she always hid her innermost turmoil, even from her mother, but today she was showing how much she enjoyed her pregnancy and how much she anticipated her child being born. It hadn't been like this for most of her pregnancy and it filled Maggie's heart with so much joy and hope that she felt like jumping up and down like a little girl. "May I?" she asked holding her hand in front of Scully's abdomen.

"Sure, mom," Scully said and placed her mother's hand at the spot where her son's feet pushed against her belly from the inside. "Thanks for asking though, you won't believe how many people think they can touch a pregnant woman just because they feel like it."

"Yes, I remember. Grandma Scully used to do that, and Aunt Mary, too. It felt like they were sizing me up every time they saw me. I hated it but didn't dare to say a word."

"Oh, I did, believe me. The people who touched me will never touch a pregnant woman again without asking for permission first!"

Maggie laughed. She believed every word Dana said. Her daughter could be very intimidating despite her frail appearance. She'd always admired her for her ability to compel respect and make herself heard. She felt the baby move under the palms of her hands, him. Even after four children and two grandchildren procreation still was a miracle to Maggie, God's work. She stroked Dana's belly with awe through the fabric of her blouse, which was stretched tightly now that the pregnancy was coming to its end. "Is he always this active?"

"Not so much lately. I guess it gets a little tight in there," Scully said with a wry smile, her hands on her lower back.

Maggie pulled her hands back and searched her daughter's face for signs of exhaustion. "Do you need a rest? Shall we go for a drink somewhere?"

"I'm fine, mom. Let's do the shopping first and grab something to eat and drink afterward. I'm craving some cheesecake and a root beer."

With this, Scully linked arms with her mother again and they resumed walking down the street side by side.

"I more or less lived on root beer when I was pregnant with you, Dana," Maggie reminisced. "I sent your father to a 24/7 gas station at night once because I needed a root beer so badly that I couldn't go back to sleep without having one. He was so annoyed, he said you would be our last one. Well..." She chuckled. Charlie, their youngest child, had been born only two years later, and then it had been herself who had shot the bolt after number four because strictly speaking, she had been raising their kids more or less alone with Ahab being absent most of the time. Being a Navy wife hadn't always been easy. She sincerely hoped for Dana to have the baby's father around more to shoulder some of the burdens.

And here she was again contemplating Fox's role. Why was Dana so reluctant to name him as the father? And why was he so aloof? It could only be him, couldn't it? Maggie hoped to get a chance to talk to Dana about it. Later, when the shopping would be done.

"I wished I could have more than one," Dana pulled her out of her reverie. "I loved growing up with three siblings. I imagine life as an only child can be boring sometimes."

"Who says you won't have another one?"

"This pregnancy is a miracle, mom, and miracles don't happen twice."

"We'll see," Maggie said in a voice heavy with meaning and a warm smile. "Look there's Bloomingdales. Shall we have a look in there?"

Three hours later, mother and daughter were sitting in a café downtown, recovering from their extensive shopping, several huge shopping bags scattered at their feet. They had ordered cheesecake and tea, although Scully craved for a strong espresso the doctor had forbidden. Maggie watched with delight how she savored the cake, moaning slightly and licking her lips every time she put a piece into her mouth.

"Mmmm, this is so good. Would you share another one with me, mom?"

"No, honey, I'm full, but you can have one more." Maggie waved for the waitress.

"I can't possibly eat two pieces of cake, I'm already so fat," Scully whined.

"You're not fat, Dana, you're pregnant, and pregnant women are allowed to let themselves get carried away sometimes. Anyway, you'll lose all the weight you've gained once you start nursing, you'll see. So relax and enjoy." She looked at the waitress who had joined them at the table. "We'll have another piece of cheesecake, please, and two root beer floats." When her daughter looked at her questioningly, her left eyebrow hitting her hairline, she said matter-of-factly, "we deserve a bit of indulgence, don't you think?"

Scully furrowed her brows. "I think I've never seen you drink a root beer, mom."

"I guess I had an overdose during my pregnancy with you, I couldn't stand it anymore once you were born. It made me sick, actually. But today, I feel like having one."

"I'll be in a sugar coma once I get home."

"So what?" Maggie asked her and was rewarded with a beautiful smile. "Yeah, so what," Scully silently agreed.

When the supplementary serving of cheesecake arrived along with two outrageously delicious looking root beer floats, the Scully women resumed their pleasurable chat about everything and anything but after a while, Maggie couldn't keep her curiosity in check any longer.

"Forgive my asking you this, Dana, but it's a question that's been keeping me occupied for quite a while now." Maggie looked at her, hesitated a moment, then got if off her chest. "Fox and you...uhm...will you be getting married? It would make sense now that the baby is coming any time soon, wouldn't it?"

Dana's eyes widened. She swallowed. It was clearly something she wasn't comfortable talking about. "Uhm, that's a rather personal question," she mumbled.

"I know, but I'm your mother, Dana, and I'm worried about you."

"There's no need to worry."

"Really?"

"Really."

Maggie was not convinced. "To be honest, the two of you don't appear like a happy couple waiting impatiently for their baby to be born."

"That's maybe because we aren't," Dana said, her features so frozen it made a shiver travel down Maggie's spine.

"You aren't happy?"

"A couple. Happy...Uh, I don't know, mom, it's complicated."

"But he is the father." Maggie chose to phrase it as a statement, putting it as a question entailed too many complications, and besides, it seemed impossible that Dana had been together with someone else but...the mere thought of it was... Maggie shook her head.

"Yes, he is the father, but he's still struggling with his future role. What was dad like when you were pregnant with Bill?"

Maggie smiled at the reminiscences of her late husband. "He would've never admitted it but he was scared to death. I remember how he secretly read those books about how to care for a newborn, believing I didn't notice. It's not easy for men, Dana. We, as women, can bond with the being growing inside us much easier that men. We carry the child in our bellies for nine months, we feel our bodies change in their natural ability to nurture. For them, the whole thing is so abstract and incomprehensible. All they can do is witness their wives change, secretly fearing what motherhood would do to them, whether they will live on mainly being mothers to their child and not so much their lovers anymore. Men struggle with jealousy just as firstborns who are awaiting the arrival of a sibling. But when the baby has eventually been born, when they are able to hold it, the fears and doubts evaporate into thin air. I remember your father's wrinkled forehead when they wheeled me into the delivery room just as much as his blissful face when he was holding Bill for the first time. It happened to your father, and you'll see, honey, the same will happen to Fox."

Her story had touched Dana, Maggie could read it on her face. She had always been daddy's girl and the one who had suffered from Ahab's unexpected passing the most beside herself. Pulling her further down sweet memory lane couldn't harm. "He was thrilled when you were born, Dana. He'd so hoped for another girl."

"Really? I thought men rather hoped for a son and heir."

"He already had his son," Maggie said with a smile. "And he already had a daughter he adored. I don't know what it was between you, but the moment he saw you after you'd been cleaned up by the nurse, he was enchanted. And no matter what you did, the spell had never been broken."

Dana threw her a bittersweet smile, bitter for the hole her father had left behind in her life, and sweet for how close she had been to him. "I wonder how Mulder reacts," she said more to herself than to Maggie.

"Will he be at your side in the delivery room? I wished I had Ahab with me, but men weren't allowed back then."

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it yet. We haven't talked about so many things."

"Why?"

"Because it's so difficult, mom. It's really complicated between us."

"In what sense?"

Dana bit her lower lip, sucked it in and chewed on it. She was fighting with herself whether or not she should tell her. Maggie, on her part, didn't know what to make of her hesitance. All she wanted Dana to do was unburden her heart, so she implored, "Dana?"

"There's something I never told you, mom." She sipped nervously at her root beer float and licked the froth off her lips. "Do you remember when I told you that when Mulder had been searching for a cure for my cancer he also found a vial with ova that had been harvested from me during my abduction?"

"Sure, dear." Maggie remembered every word. What Dana had told her the Christmas she had found out that Emily Sim was her biological daughter had sounded so surreal and had been so incomprehensible that it had taken Maggie several days before she had been able to believe it. Until then, she had always assumed that the chemo and radiation had been the cause for Dana's barrenness.

"What I didn't tell you was that Mulder not only found the ova but had it stored in a reproduction facility. I asked my doctor to check it and he told me the eggs were viable and that he could get me pregnant with them if I had a sperm donor. I...uhm, I asked Mulder. And he agreed."

Maggie nodded. Of course. Fox. Who else?

"It was the most wonderful thing a friend has ever done for me," Dana hiccuped and smiled for a brief moment. "I was so grateful. But it didn't take it, obviously. When I couldn't afford a second attempt, he insisted on paying for it. He so badly wanted this for me because he felt responsible for my being barren. It didn't work out either as we all know. I thought that this was it, that this had been my last chance to have a child and I was devastated. He told me to never give up on a miracle."

"Your FBI partner not only donated his sperm but also paid for the procedure to get you pregnant? I've never heard of anything like it."

"As I said, things are different between us."

"They definitely are. They are wonderful though, Dana. I mean, he must have cared for you a lot to be doing that."

"I know." Dana clenched her jaws and swallowed.

"Is this pregnancy also a result of an in vitro fertilization?" Maggie asked.

"No. Uh, Mulder and I...we, uhm..." her vis-á-vis cleared her throat now. Maggie held her hand up to silence her daughter and help her out of the uncomfortable situation, signaling her she knew what needed to be done to conceive a child the traditional way, and the awkwardness was gone. Dana continued. "Of course, we never expected this to happen. When he went to Oregon, he left a barren women and he can't understand how he returned to a heavily pregnant one. He doesn't feel any connection to this pregnancy. He calls it the baby or your baby, it's never ours or his. He says he's happy for me, and that the child is lucky to have me as their mother. He sees himself as the sperm donor once again, I'm afraid, and not as the father."

A sad sob escaped Dana's chest which tore Maggie's heart apart. She squeezed her hands tenderly to keep them still after they had been fumbling with the napkin the whole time. "Give him time, Dana. He's still here. If he had wanted to escape from fatherhood, he would've left. I'm sure he wants to reach out to you but simply doesn't know how. He's completely and utterly devoted to you, that much is clear."

"Do you really think so?"

"I'm absolutely sure. Ever since you'd been abducted, I knew about his feelings for you. And I want you to stop worrying, sweetheart. You're going to have a baby soon, and you're going to be a wonderful mother. Everything is going be fine, Fox and you are going be fine. Have you decided on a name yet?"

"Yes, I have, but I want Mulder to be the first person to know. No offence, mom."

"None taken." Maggie lifted Dana's chin with her index finger to make her look at her. "Another root beer?"

Dana shook her head. "No, I think I'm going to burst if I swallow down anything else. Plus, my swollen feet are killing me. I need to put them up on the couch. I'd like to go home."

Maggie nodded and beckoned the waitress over. "Alright, sweetheart. Let me get the check, this is on me."

When Scully opened the door to her apartment half an hour later, she dropped her bags right next to the door and rushed to the bathroom without saying a word. Mulder, who was sitting on the couch reading the sports section of the paper, looked up and then shrugged at Maggie who stepped over the threshold behind her daughter carrying some more bags.

"Full bladder?" he asked.

Maggie chuckled. "Probably one too many root beers."

"Oh, that craving again. There's nothing like Scully in a state of hyperglycemia. She'll be active all night."

"I'm sorry, Fox. We just had so much fun eating cheesecake and drinking root beer."

"That's perfectly alright, Maggie. She deserves to have fun. She's too occupied with worrying these days." One of the reasons for her worrying being you, Maggie thought but didn't speak out loud. But at least he noticed her state of mind and was obviously worried about her too. That was a good sign. "Your shopping trip was a success, so it seems." He points to the bags Scully had dropped and the ones Maggie was still holding in her hands.

"Definitely. If your baby was born tomorrow, there would be everything here you need." She'd deliberately chose to say ‘your baby' just to see how he reacted. And he didn't disappoint.

"That's wonderful for Dana. I'd hate to see her lacking something essential once she's home with the baby."

Maggie had just wanted to ask him where he was planning to be once Dana got home but was kept from doing so by Scully crying out in the hallway. Maggie stared briefly at Mulder, then hurried over to her to check for the cause of it. When she reached her at the door to what was to become the nursery, she found her in tears. "What's the matter, Dana? Are you in pain?" Maggie asked in a high-pitched voice, scrutinizing her daughter from head to toe, but nothing seemed wrong with her. She didn't hold her back, she didn't breathe any pain away or grimaced in agony, apparently, the water hadn't been broken either. All she did was lean against the doorframe and stare into the room.

Scully didn't answer her mother. She kept on staring into the room, her eyes watery. "Mulder," she eventually whispered when he had caught up with them, "you painted the wall and assembled the diaper changing unit."

"And you fetched the crib from my house," Maggie added stepping inside the room. She smelt the fresh paint. The wall where Fox had put up the changing unit had been painted in a bright, sunny yellow. Dana had wanted it yellow as it would be okay for both a boy and a girl. Maggie's hand grazed the old crib gently which was standing in the middle of the room. Bill, Melissa, Dana, and Charlie had all slept in this crib. And soon Fox and Dana's baby boy would be sleeping merrily in it, and they would be gazing inside at the miracle they had created just like Ahab and herself had done so many years ago. She forced her emotions down which threatened to overwhelm her.

"Yeah, I got bored." Fox rescued her from the emotional overload. "So, on my way to your house, I went to the hardware store and bought some paint. Yellow, like you said you wanted, Scully. It's suitable for a nursery and safe for a pregnant woman as well, the shop assistant told me. It's latex-based and even saliva-proof, just in case the offspring wanted to lick the wall. The smell will wear off quickly as long as the room is ventilated sufficiently. I also bought some wall stickers for when the paint has dried. They had a set of stars and planets with a UFO," he paused and let the idea dangle in the air for a moment before he continued with a grin, "but I got the zoo set. It has giraffes and elephants and monkeys and all kinds of wild animals. I thought you might like that one better, Scully. Nothing alien-related in your baby's room, right?"

There it was again, he had said your baby. Maggie's chest constricted but Dana didn't seem to bother. She waddled over to him and put a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, that's so thoughtful of you."

"Uh, you're welcome." He raked through his hair shyly as if he was embarrassed by the innocent kiss. Maggie saw in front of her very eyes what her daughter had told her about the lacking connection between them. "No big deal really," he declared with a shrug, "you were away for hours and I didn't know what to do with myself. So, what did you get?"

"Ooooh, so many things. Bodysuits, onesies, tops and bottoms, socks, PJs, hats, a jacket. We got blankets, swaddles, bibs, a towel and washcloth set." She took a deep breath before she continued listing the items they had shopped. "Diapers, wipes, pacifiers, baby nail scissors, a music box and a nightlight. It was so much fun, Mulder."

Fox smiled at her and Maggie saw his love for her flash up in his eyes for a split second. "That's good, Scully," he then said, "now you don't need to worry about any of these things anymore." He used you again as if he had nothing to do with it, while at the same time he had been painting the nursery with non-toxic, saliva-safe paint. Contradiction, thy name is Fox Mulder, Maggie thought and sighed quietly.

"I also bought something for you, Mulder," her daughter gushed, not hiding her excitement. To Maggie's surprise, she pulled a little paper bag with a ribbon out of one of the huge bags on the floor. She had caught Fox off-guard obviously as he asked somewhat flabbergasted, "for me?"

"Well, not exactly for you to use on yourself," she explained.

Maggie was touched by the boyish joy that took possession of him. She hadn't known that Dana had bought a present for him and was as curious as he was. He loosened the ribbon and peeked inside the bag while her daughter couldn't keep an anticipatory smile off her face. He furrowed his brows, reached inside with one hand and pulled a piece of fabric out which turned out to be a onesie printed with...stars, planets and a UFO at the front.

Dana's smile widened, Fox's eyes widened, and Maggie held her breath.

"What happened to 'I don't want anything alien-related in my baby's room'?" he asked, astonishment written all over his face.

"I know I said that, but when I saw this piece at Bloomingdales I thought you might like it."

Maggie's heart almost burst. Those two were simply amazing. Fox complied to Dana's needs as a matter of course, keeping the nursery free from what such a huge part of his life was just because she didn't want it there. And Dana brought exactly this part into her baby's world because she knew how important it was to him. Two people, throwing off their darkest shadows in order to meet the other's deepest needs. It spoke of their utter devotion and infinite love for one another in a way it brought tears to an old woman's eyes.

Maggie found herself proven right, Fox wanted to be the baby's father not only the sperm donor. He had set up the changing unit, had fetched the Scully family crib from her house, was decorating the nursery in a way Dana liked, those were all signs of his desperate efforts to be there for her and the baby. Why he couldn't speak of the baby being his, she didn't know. It had to be some kind of PTSD he was struggling with after having come back from the dead. Well, who wouldn't be traumatized by an experience like that? She understood, and she knew Dana understood, and that was why she wasn't worried at all that these two wouldn't make it. They would sail this storm, Maggie was convinced. Their love was strong enough.

"This is from Bloomingdales? Haven't you checked out any of the fancy baby boutiques?" Mulder interrupted Maggie's contemplations, who chuckled. Scully put her hands up as if someone told her to freeze and implored, "don't ask!"

Fox looked at the garment in his hands. It was blue, had long sleeves and was printed all over with little phantasy planets and space crafts. There were solar systems and an accumulation of stars apparently representing the milky way. He smiled at the UFO on the front. For someone as accurate as Dana, who always insisted that science left no room for interpretation, it was remarkable that she had gotten such a variation of the scientific truth. Not to mention the fact that she had made more than clear she didn't want to have anything in the nursery that reminded her even remotely of their work: no drapes, no plush toys, no rugs, no bed sheets or blankets, and definitely no clothes that had anything to do with outer space or dark figures or even law enforcement. The Lone Gunmen had brought her a T-shirt with 'Baby Agent' on the front once when Maggie had been at Dana's apartment. They had seen it in a tourist gift shop next to the Hoover Building and had wrongly believed Dana would find it funny. She had thrown it wordlessly into the paper bag and had handed it back to them. 'I appreciate the idea, Frohike,' she had said, 'but I want the FBI out of my baby's life.'

The label at the onesie's neckline caught Fox's attention. Without looking up, he asked, "8 to 10 months? Isn't that a bit large for a newborn?"

"It definitely is, but that's the only size they had and the baby will grow into it," Dana explained, adapting the detached way he spoke of their unborn child.

"Does that mean you still want me to be around when the baby is eight months old?"

Maggie shivered because the question was by no means meant as a tease. She decided to leave them alone, to give them the privacy to talk about the obvious cracks in their relationship. But she stayed close, right there in the hallway. Not because her nosiness told her so but because she was worried what a passionate dispute might do to her heavily pregnant daughter.

"Yes, Mulder, I want you to be around eight months from now, and beyond that," Scully said in a voice full of warmth but also determination. Not visible from where Maggie was standing, she walked over to where Mulder had positioned himself next to the diaper changing unit he had assembled and took one of his hands in hers. "I want you to put this onesie on your child when he...or she...is old enough."

Mulder stroked his hair roughly with his free hand. "Scully..." he only said, probably at a loss for words.

"It's okay, Mulder. You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that there isn't a 'me and you' but an 'us'. This is your child, Mulder, ours. We created this miracle you once told me to hope for, so whenever you're ready to be a part of this 'us', our baby and I will welcome you with open arms."

Maggie had to steady herself against the wall because her knees threatened to buckle hearing her daughter's emotional words. She peeked around the corner. She hoped to see them kiss or at least in an embrace but nothing of that sort was happening. They were gazing at each other, Dana held Fox's hand firmly in her grip not allowing him to withdraw from her. After a moment of inertia and wordlessness, he sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. "Scully, I-" he started but was sushed. Dana had her eyes closed, and Maggie saw how much she enjoyed the most intimate physical contact they had had for a long time. When they broke apart, Fox lifted her hand which still held on to his fiercely to his mouth and kissed it, holding her gaze.

Maggie was touched by the power of the moment. In her heart, an unshakable faith manifested itself that in eight months from now, when their son would be old enough to fit in the onesie Dana had bought for Fox today, they would look back on these difficult months as one more obstacle they had overcome together. Fox would throw his son up in the air, almost forgetting that he had ever doubted being able to be a father to this child. And when he would eventually put him to sleep in his crib, he and Dana would smile happily at a content baby boy smiling at his parents, dressed in an outer-space-themed onesie.

And all would be good.

[hecallsmehischild]

End Weight Goal & Side Effects

Since the last time I talked about eating and weight loss, Sergey and I made several lifestyle changes and I’ve finally hit my end weight goal. I want to cover what we’ve been doing as well as the unexpected side effect that has cropped up for me, as I have not found discussions of this side effect anywhere online.

Last time I wrote up our methods, we were just beginning to experiment with the idea of 48-hour fasts and we were restricting our calorie counts by the day. We still struggle with any sort of moderation and at a certain point we were not making headway with the calorie restriction plan. So we moved further toward intermittent fasting. Here are three terms I’ll be using to describe what we’ve done:

Eating day: A day when we can eat whatever we want whenever we want all day.

Fasting day: A day when we can have as much tea/coffee as we want, plus extremely limited snack (tomato bowl, minimal trail mix, etc) to keep up blood sugar levels.

Grazing day: Slightly more allowance to eat than a fasting day.

At first we experimented with different proportions of Eating and Fasting days, but what we settled on in the long run was that two Fasting days followed by an Eating day worked best. It was rough getting into this cycle at first, and if we interrupted it with more frequent Eating days and started the cycle over again, it was difficult. Sergey often reported dizziness or headaches, and I would be sluggish and constantly thinking about food. But after a couple weeks of eating in this cycle, our bodies adjusted and it felt natural.

In addition to this, we took exercise a lot more seriously. Exercise has always been difficult for me to get into. Sergey often had to drag me to get involved. For many months, we played DDR for about an hour every Fasting day, which helped me be more interested in exercise. The combination of music and competition was a major motivating factor. However, once we were practiced enough to break into the “hard” levels of songs, the workout was no longer making us sweat as hard as we wanted and we were losing interest. Around December, Sergey proposed that we try jogging in the local park. I picked up a pair of cross-trainer shoes (to avoid repeating a case of shin splints I remembered from high school) and started jogging with him.

It was rough. It was torture. It was hideously difficult. I didn’t understand how jogging could be so much harder than playing DDR on Hard. However, in the course of a couple months, Sergey and I found ourselves pushing further than our high school selves could have ever imagined going. “Your high school self wouldn’t believe what you’re doing right now!” was a constant refrain. At our best, we kept up nearly continual jogging for just over a full mile.

It gets unbearable outdoors in Houston once early Summer hits, so at that point we signed up for the gym. We’ve been going almost every day for a couple months now, and both of us leave absolutely dripping. Sergey does 45 minutes on the exercise bike, pedaling as hard as he can. I do 20 minutes jogging on the treadmill (ramping up angle and speed over time) and another 20 on the elliptical (ramping up difficulty level as I can).

A couple months ago, I finally hit my end weight goal of 150 lbs. At my checkup, my doctor confirmed I was at a good weight and that my cholesterol was normal. I’m thrilled. Very soon, I’m going shopping for new pants, shorts, and a swimsuit that will fit me. However, there has been one side effect which I haven’t seen addressed anywhere.

In March of 2020, I wrote an account of a disturbing incident I had while in Breckenridge on my first ever ski trip:

Later that night, as I tried to go to sleep, anxiety kicked in hard. I recall, now, that on the slopes I said to myself that I would pay the panic bill later, that I had to get down the mountain somehow, and I wonder if I delayed the reaction. Between that, altitude, attack, a what-have-you combination of factors, I lost all rationality. I was convinced that if I went to sleep, I would have a skiing nightmare and be back on the mountain all night, completely out of control. I wrought myself up so much, I ended up sick in the bathroom. I shook and shivered under my blankets for a long time, unable to push through anxiety to get to the sleep that I KNEW would straighten out my brain. Finally, I grabbed my phone, pulled up Spotify, and turned on Enya. With her soothing Celtic tones in my ears all night, I finally fell asleep.

What I didn’t know was that this incident would repeat itself every few months on an ongoing basis. Characteristic of my weird fits were:

Nausea (with about 60% chance of throwing up)

Uncontrollable, irrational negative thoughts

Panic-attack level anxiety sustained for the whole fit

Chills and shaking

Inability to sleep until fit has passed

It feels like hell. Like it will never end, that this is my new state of being forever. When the fit passes, it’s a very clear, dramatic, and instant difference where mental fog parts and my muscles relax and I am no longer terrified about whatever irrational thing my brain seized on. Each fit lasts between 4-6 hours (with one exceptional fit that lasted 9 hours) and while some effects can be mitigated, it can not be stopped by anything. I can only endure. The best thing I found to do is play a video game until it is over, because a game is mostly mindless, but engages me in action just enough to take the edge off full consciousness of what is going on in my mind and body. I am non-functional during these fits.

At first, the fits only showed up after I ate super greasy food. I thought this made sense because I have changed what I eat and how I eat so much that my body rejects high levels of grease as poison. So, we deleted certain restaurants off our list. Most of our home-cooking was not that greasy, so we didn’t need to modify there. Then I started having these fits in response to over-eating on an Eating day, even if it was good home-cooked food. This, too, I ascribed to a sort of eating that my body deemed poisonous and was rejecting, and tried to be more careful about eating at gluttonous levels. This happened throughout 2020 every couple of months.

Around November, I started having these fits every week or two. I had them if I stepped even a little bit out of line with eating. I started getting borderline superstitious about what could possibly be causing this. I tried switching all my carbs to whole wheat. I tried setting a hard don’t-eat-after-this-time-of-evening limit. I refused to take a hot bath after having a full stomach. For about a week after each fit, I would eat very slowly and with a lot of anxiety that I would trigger another fit if I ate the wrong way or ate the wrong thing. Nothing I did guaranteed that I wouldn’t have a fit. When I finally had a milder version of the fit on a Fasting day, I realized that food was not causing the fit, but that food might just be exacerbating a condition that was happening anyway.

Sergey mentioned studies about fat cells, and how the body will often store toxins as far from organs as possible, usually in fat cells. The frequency of my fits going up coincided with an increase in strenuous exercise and my beginning to drop weight faster than usual. In addition, I’m at an age where my body doesn’t take strain as well as it used to (apparently that happens in early thirties, to my shock) while I was putting my body under levels of strain it was unused to. It isn’t a perfect theory, but the best working theory we have is that as I burn through the oldest layers of fat I have, I’m also releasing old toxins into my bloodstream to burn off, and this is what is messing with my system. Indeed, once I reached my goal weight and exchanged my Fasting days for Grazing days, the fits decreased in frequency.

I still have the fits once every month or two as I’m learning how to maintain my current weight (as opposed to increasing or dropping it). The good news is, I’m more aware that these things have an end even if I just barely believe it in the middle of a fit. “This too shall pass” has been on my quote board for months. And even though this has been a bizarre and hellish side effect, I am not sorry for any of the adjustments I’ve made in my lifestyle. I am at a healthy weight, I eat better, and miracle of miracles I actually look forward to my exercise sessions. Foods that aren’t good for me have even begun to taste less attractive, and though that makes me kind of sad sometimes (for example, ice cream is starting to lose its addictiveness) I know that means sensors I previously broke are finally healing and functioning correctly.

Here’s to the next learning curve: learning to stay at the right weight and not go in either unhealthy direction.

[lukasthemedic]

Slumber Party

Original post - 2019 ao3 works

Jefferson/Mad Hatter & Killian Jones/Captain Hook crack prompt fic

CRACK PROMPT: Characters discover fan fiction about themselves, and, Protagonist and Antagonist host a slumber party together and several good/evil/neutral supporting characters are invited.

The diner was particularly full, seeing as how it was almost ten at night, and Granny’s was never open late. She had a big distaste for getting to bed later than necessary when she knew she was to be up early enough to get the coffee started the following morning.

“Keep scrolling, it’s getting good.” The captain smirked, running his arm behind Jefferson’s lower back, and bending down to look closer to the laptop sitting on the counter. Jefferson rolled his eyes, huffing, and picks up his styrofoam cup, taking a long drink.

“I would never sleep with Cora, now that, would be mad.” The hatter stated, tossing the empty cup into the trash bin behind the counter. He can hear muffled giggles behind him from everyone else crowded around. “And, I wouldn’t ever let you, fuck me.” Killian nearly spits out his rum, choking back a laugh. David slaps a hand on the pirate’s shoulder and doubles over in laughter.

“Hey mate, I wouldn’t be so quick to pitch in. I do believe I saw one earlier where you were with a certain doctor on the romance ship.” Killian wiggles his eyebrows, smirking back at David, who now glances towards a blushing Mary-Margaret.

“Absoutely not, man. I wouldn’t be caught dead with Archie, even if I was into that. Everyone knows Snow is the only one for me.” David plants a kiss on Mary-Margaret’s cheek, pulling some money out and tossing it on the counter for their food stacked in neatly in to-go boxes.

“The best though—“ Emma smacks her hand down on the counter, tears streaking down her face, cheeks stinging from laughing so hard. “—is that one where Ruby is with Belle, and Rumple is left for dead. And then they really throw it together by putting Mulan into the mix for that threesome!”

Regina clears her throat, bringing the attention back to the fact that they are trying to leave before Granny comes back to usher them out of her way. “This is all nonsense. Whoever is writing these, must have no life. As well as no taste in relationships. I find them to be particularly disturbing.” Regina crosses her arms, but Emma pulls her in and rests her head against her shoulder, humming into her neck.

“Babe, they’re funny. Everyone knows they’re not in any sense realistic.” Emma says into Regina’s neck, before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

“Aright, everyone out. Don't any of you know what five in the morning looks like on an old maid?!” Granny comes around the corner, broom in hand, and leans against the post of the door to the kitchen. “Ruby, I’ll need your help to cover a shift in the morning, so you best get on up to bed. I’m counting on you.” Granny sternly says, eyeing the laptop and the crowd of people around it. Jefferson quickly shuts it, tucking it away into his bag. Ruby cautiously rolls her eyes, but listens to her grandmother.

“See you guys later, don’t forget to update me on the scoop.” She laughs, glancing back to her friends, and heads off towards the stairway to get cleaned up for the night. She hated always getting stuck on shifts so that she couldn’t go out with anyone, but she needed the money, and Granny was always allowing her a place to stay for free at the diner so she couldn’t complain when she was asked to help out on extra shifts.

Jefferson, Killian, David, Emma, Mary-Margaret, and Regina find themselves without a plan once locked outside of the diner.

“We should read more of those.” Killian suggests, looking back towards Jefferson. “I like the ones where they make you my bitch.” He draws his hook up to trace down the hatter’s jawline, who makes an audible scoff, but plants a mildly seductive kiss on the captain’s rum flavored lips. “You wish.” Jefferson laughs into his lovers mouth, looking back to the rest of the friends.

“Neal has Henry and Grace for the weekend, he wanted to take them to live the real outdoorsy life camping in the woods, so it’s not like we don’t have some time for an adult slumber party.” Emma says, glancing towards Regina for approval, who shrugs, but parts her lips in a half smile. “I guess I could stand to have a little fun, but not without some alcohol, snacks, and a few more friends to enjoy these ridiculous stories with. If were going to dig into some juicy ones, I want to see the looks on their faces when they realize who they’ve been fictionally stuck with.” She gloats, pulling out her phone from her purse. “I’ll make some phone calls, David you and Mary-Margaret aren’t much for a party, so you can pick out some junk foods. But make sure to get those delectable salt and vinegar chips and you two—“ Regina is interrupted with Killian raising his hook in the air, making a cutting motion in the brisk spring night.

“I though you only had a taste for apples, love.” The captain mocks, taking a step back as Regina lunges at him, putting the phone to her ear. “For you, I’d poison a thousand recipes, pirate. Now make good use of your alcoholic self, and the two of you find some boozy recipes. I’d at least trust the two that would make the most impulsive decisions to find the best options to make us reasonably less responsible adults for a weekend.”

Killian snarls as Regina goes to work at collecting more people for their adult sleepover, but Jefferson pulls him away towards the direction of the grocery store that David and Snow are headed for. He knows this isn’t a fight he’s willing to work up right now. Plus, they are the two most impulsive of the group, he can’t argue with that. He figures that he could make good use of their time right now to make a call to Neal to check on the kids, ensuring that nothing too exciting has happened on their camping trip. It isn’t a usual happening that he lets Grace out of his sight for very long, but he knew that this trip meant a lot to Henry to let him have his best friend there with him when he got to spend more time getting to know Neal too, and Jefferson knew what it felt like to not know how your kid was doing when that’s all you were concerned about. So, if they were going to have a good time, so would he.

It was only about an hour later that Jefferson was flipping the living room lights on, and Killian was over by the fireplace attempting to start a fire, as instructed by his hatter for their guests. Jefferson couldn’t have imagined the day he would be working to plan a sleepover with Regina after all they had been through, but yet here they are. There were plenty of booze choices that aligned the island in the kitchen and almost every choice of mixer imaginable to have a good time. It looked as though they basically bought the store out. It competed though with the stacks of snack options that cluttered the counters that David, Emma and Mary-Margaret were sorting out, throwing gummy worms in their mouths as they put together trays of food. Just then, as Regina was helping the hatter to pull out some spare pillows and blankets, the doorbell rang. It was a sound Jefferson wouldn’t ever get used to in this life, after being alone for so many years before. His stomach did a turn, but he smiled as he watched Killian struggled with the fireplace still, and made his way to the front door, Regina trailing behind him with a smirk on her face. Jefferson opened the front door and gasped, looking at the line of cars down the drive, and Regina clasped her hands together and squealed.

“I knew everyone would make it, everyone loves a good fan fiction reading marathon!” Jefferson glared in her direction and looked back out at the porch full of friends, and enemies, that seemed to be collected together.

“Well are you going to let us in or just keep starting, hatter.” Leroy grumbled from under the light of the porch, shoving his way past Sheriff Graham and August to get into the frame of the door.

Killian stood, brushing invisible dust off from his knees, and beamed with approval at the fire he had started. He turns towards where he can hear Jefferson arguing with Regina about the amount of people she has invited and helps himself over to the front door to help his partner out. “Relax, love. It never killed anyone to have a good party once in their life.” He shoves an elbow in the captain’s direction, but Killian pulls Jefferson in for a kiss before realizing just how many people from the town are piling into the living area.

“Jefferson, can’t you get your laptop hooked up in the theatre room? Everyone should get to see this on a big screen, we can read them out loud!” Emma calls from the kitchen to Jefferson, scooping ice cream onto a banana before drizzling chocolate sauce over it.

“You should ask your lover, she would know the in and outs of this place.” Jefferson mocks, heading for the alcohol on the counter to mix himself a stiff drink.

Regina rolls her eyes, but goes back to smiling and welcoming guests like it’s her own house, before closing the door and ushering them all towards the kitchen to collectively make drinks and get everyone headed towards Jefferson’s own cinema room.

Before long, there were rows of drinks and snacks lining every surface in the room and David was working with Killian to get the laptop set up, while Jefferson slammed back shot after shot. He couldn’t tell if he was feeling woozy and uneasy from the alcohol or the people that Regina had packed into his house.

He could easily tell aloud each of the feuds in the room, but upon closer inspection it seemed like for once in their lifetimes everyone was getting along, even if they never had before. It’s wonder what some junk food and mixed drinks can do to enemies.

Graham was slouched in a chair by August and Leroy who had Nova wrapped around his side. Peter Pan, Archie, and Dr. Whale were in another corner laughing over something on Archie’s tablet. Belle, Rumple, and Ruby were in another row of chairs, who snuck out of the diner after getting a phone call from Regina. And Jefferson’s head hurt trying to remember the names of a few others who had grouped themselves in various positions in the room because it felt so unsettling to have so many people who didn’t get along and had often times tried to murder each other in one room, in his house, in the middle of Maine. Killian wrapped his arm around the hatter’s waist and David gave out a high pitched yell after the screen from the laptop connected and showed a search engine on the big screen which erupted laughter and applause from everyone whom had already started to get intoxicated in the room.

“Start it out with a dirty one!” Someone yelled from the crowd of new found friends, and an ocean of giggling and comments came from the dimly lit room.

David doubled over in laughter and took another drink before shoving an Oreo in his mouth and started clicking away at the laptop. “Okay, okay. Here’s one. Who wants to read first?” He laughed, clicking the enter button after typing in ‘Once Upon a Time Fanfiction’ into the search bar and pulling up the first website.

“Your characters play truth or dare.” Jefferson blankly says, shaking his head in disbelief as his name is one of the first to appear in a pairing with Killian. Along side him in this reading is parings of almost all of the friends in the room, and he can’t help but get an uneasy feeling.

“This is going to be so good.” The captain grins, shoving a newly made drink into David’s hand, watching him down it quickly. “David, you start it off, love.” He suggests, plopping himself down in a chair and pulling Jefferson to sit down next to him. They begin to relax in the same row that Emma, Regina, and Mary-Margaret are seated in and everyone hushes each others giggles while David starts at the beginning of the story.

“I dare Jefferson to run naked around the block, before taking a dive in the pool.” David begins to read, not able to stop himself from laughing and doubling over with just the beginning of the story. Jefferson shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and lets out a sigh.

“I would never do such a thing. I have way more self respect than that.” Jefferson says, loudly for everyone to hear, but mostly to reassure himself that this isn’t anything but a work of fiction.

“Well it sure looks like you’re going to do it.” David blurts out, scrolling farther down the page that is illuminating the room from the big screen and he begins to read more. “Oh god, you guys, let act it out!” David suggests, pointing out in the crowd towards the hatter. “You’re first up, champ. Didn’t Regina stick a pool in this place somewhere?” He motions to Jefferson, pulling up his shirt in a taunting manner and grinning at his friend in a half intoxicated state.

“Do it!” Killian shrills towards the hatter, poking him in the chest.

Jefferson rolls his eyes, huffs out a long breath, and stands up. A wide grin spreads across his face. “Fine.” He slurs, drunkly pulling his shirt up over his head.