#of fucking course randy is a dog person

[alas--pringles]

If my phone fills up with photos of randy with puppies I will not be mad about it 🥺😭🥹🥹🥹

[goreinfested]

Take your time dear, love that you’re getting into writing again.

Can you do protective rko hcs pls?

PROTECTIVE RANDY ORTON HCS:

(c’mon you know I HAD to use my favorite picture for his first request, how could I not ? Imagine reader is the person in the picture thoooo)

I feel as though Randy is kind of possessive so that goes hand in hand with being very protective of his significant other

Will get into a lot of fights for you.

Like one time some random guy was catcalling you after Monday night raw just finished airing, you were clearly trying to tell him nicely that you weren’t interested but this idiot would NOT take no for an answer

Randy of course is walking over to you since you had plans to meet up after he was done changing and so when the scene was unfolding before him he wasted no time walking over to your side

“ hey babe.” He would say nonchalantly as he towered behind you BUT the veins popping out the side of his forehead tells you that he is VERY pissed off

Of course you see the fucking legend killer you’re not sticking around long enough to find out what consequences of your actions were so it didn’t tell long for the guy to fuck off. Scary dog privileges <3

He’s very hesitant when it comes to introducing you to all the guys he works with since not everyone in the business is actually nice backstage. Which probably makes you feel sometimes that he’s hiding you but really he just doesn’t want you to end up in any situation where you’re in danger ( not that he’d EVER let that happen to you )

People rarely get the privilege of even LOOKING at you let alone trying to mean mug you any sort of way

This man will give them the nastiest glare

Constantly stands beside you with his arm hung over your shoulder. any sort of contact to make sure he can jump in the moment anything happens

Though he doesn’t ever verbally express how concerned he can get over you his actions definitely show it

Will deny deny deny if you ask him

“ hey why are you always so close? I don’t need to be protected” you say and he always replies with “ oh don’t flatter yourself, I just need arm candy at all times” but we all know that is a lie

He stole your phone one time to make sure he was listed as an emergency contact

gets HEATED if his fans try to harass you on social media because why the hell are they harassing his significant other? I’m talking about full on rants with some of the people in the comment section ( he’s definitely chilled out the longer you’ve been together) now he makes it a point to post stories of you two on Instagram with him hugging you from behind or just holding you- just to show that if anyone wants you they have to go through him

Does not like letting you go anywhere alone which is actually ironic considering his job.

He definitely tries to talk you into or bring you with him while on the road whenever possible

You’re going to a cafe? He’s going with. You’re going to the bar? Not without him.

He tries to dress undercover when you’re out in public but it never really works so really at this point is he helping protect you or is he just bringing more attention to you?

Is your nurse 100%

If you get sick he will cook for you ( probably just warms up a can of chicken noodle soup TBH) “ can you stop being an inconvenience and get better already?” Kind of mean about it which makes you feel bad but again his actions are always more truthful to you than his words

Refuses to sleep unless you are in the bed with him

[mamirhodessxox]

I Hate You More (Part 4)

Mafia!Cody Rhodes x Fem OC!Mafia Reader

(Sasha Francesca Ricci)

Enemies to lovers trope

Credits to @alyyaanna for helping me come up w the storyline because I had like 3 different mental breakdowns trying to figure out what to do

Storyline: Sasha was born into a world of darkness and fear, Despite the harsh circumstances she was out in she managed to drag herself into finding love at a young age especially when she least expected it but unfortunately not all love stories are fairytales, Sasha resented the man who once brought her love in her life just to leave and break her heart while having the audacity to invade her life many years once again and give her conflict of love and war on how she was to overcome the feelings she feared while trying to focus on her job with him being so close and invasive to her.

Contents: Smut in future chapters, Knife Play, Choking kink, Degradation kink, Praising Kink, Alcohol, Smoking, Violence, Mentions of m1rder, drug dealing, Fluff, Angst.

🏷️ list: @alyyaanna @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41 @harmshake @femdisa

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) likes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

Sasha & Cody had a good think running for a little bit. There was still the slight bickering & Sasha becoming annoyed with Cody but believe it or not when they would work together they got work done.

They did fucking amazing on drug deals & made massive amounts of money, Miami was a messy city & the drug business sunk their fucking teeth into the City’s bad habits which were Partying & getting as high as possible.

Sasha would make the sales while Cody would keep track of whatever they were selling & how much money they were making but Barbra was still quite unhappy with Cody after seeing his Initials “C.R” Into her thigh, She was not pleased with Cody at all after that but once again, Business is Business. Sasha & Cody never established what was between them after that and they honestly preferred to keep it that way but Sasha had made it abundantly clear to Athena multiple times he was off the roster to screw but she just won’t take the hint.

Marianna sat in the kitchen watching Athena follow around Cody like a lost dog within the streets & noticed she laughed way to hard at one of his jokes he would make with Randy & Sasha knew Cody wasn’t THAT funny. She turned to Marianna & put on an annoying high pitched voice mocking the girl that was once her friend “Ohh my gosh! Of course I’ll screw you when your feeling bored and lonely Cody! Even though I fucked half of the house and probably the entire city of Miami because that’s the slut I am!! I’ll even act like your best friend & cheer you on to get someone you miss so bad and go behind your back to fuck that same person!” Marianna laughed in amusement while everyone’s attention turned to Sasha.

Athena scoffed crossing her arms “Is there a problem Sasha?” Cody raised a brow as he watched the two “I’m sorry did you not like my joke? Maybe it was a little bit too real for you huh?” Sasha faked pity & frowned poking her bottom lip out before Athena rolled her eyes “Your just mad because Cody fucked me more because he wanted to touch me instead of someone as repulsing as you.” Sasha widened her eyes & laughed “You wanna talk about repulsing but you fuck half of the state of Florida? Okay Athena. Okay. Maybe I should probably give you a very in depth reminder on what he’s done with me rather than you because I actually have meaning to him.” Sasha pushed Marianna out of her way gently while strutting over to Cody & Athena “Pull your shirt up.” Cody furrowed his brows “Sash-“ “Pull. Your fucking. Shirt up.” Cody glared and tugged his shirt up revealing his chest as Sasha placed her nail right next to her name that was cut into his skin “Bet he didn’t let you do that to him did he? Let you claim him as yours?”

“Hell did he even cut his initials on you in 3 different places?” She tilted her head with a confused look on her face while Athena was starting to show off her anger & envy as Sasha got in her face “You also have a lot of fucking nerve on you to come into MY mothers house, act like your big tough shit to her daughter who has more control over you than your own fucking parents combined & act like your gonna do something whenever I offend you. Let me make it abundantly clear for you Thena. You’re a passed around play thing that’s only a good fuck when someone’s frustrated or just in general horny. The only reason why you’re here right now is because we have pity for you. But keep in mind that you will never be me, you will never have Cody & own him the way I do & you are not a goddamn Ricci because if you were, You’d bring some shame to this goddamn family & business.” Cody grabbed Sasha’s shoulder pulling her away “That’s enou-“ she looked at him and snickered looking at him up and down before turning her attention back to Athena “Get out of my face Athena.”

She huffed and puffed looking around for defense but everyone sat silent besides Marianna. She was smirking sitting on the table dangling her fingers at her and blowing her a kiss mouthing the words ‘Bye Bye’ before Randy gave her a look and a light pat on the thigh as a warning to stay out of this. Cody glared over at Sasha “What the fuck was that?” She raised a brow “I was putting her in her place what do you mean ‘What the fuck was that’ Cody?” He scoffed shaking his head “Seriously? Telling her that she’s all good for sex & how she will never mean anything to me?” Sasha glared and crossed her arms before rolling her neck side to side while letting out a breathy laugh “Of course you’d be the type to carve your fucking name on my body & have me do the same to yours and proceed to tell me I own you as much as you own me just for you to defend Athena & stick your dick back down her throat.” She spat her harsh words at him while Marianna furrowed her brows and almost spoke up against Cody to defend her bestfriend but Randy gave her another look before Sasha scoffed “Fuck you Cody. You’re just as much of a whore as she is.” Seth watched his sister storm off while Cody turned to him for defense but he shook his head “You can’t just cut your name into my sisters skin & expect her to not have a little bit of possessiveness over you towards someone who’s been a problem like this for over 4 years.”

Cody furrowed his brows before walking off towards Athenas room to formally & privately apologize on Sasha’s behalf but realized Sasha saw as she was walking towards the front door & stared directly at him before picking up a pair of keys from the bowl that laid next to the door where people often put their wallet, Keys or even other things before entering the house completely Cody’s face dropped & soon sprinted down the stairs but she was out of the house. Already in the drive way with a key & walking towards the car Cody had owned which meant it was luxurious “Don’t you do it Goddamnit!” He shouted as everyone followed behind him but Sasha also noticed a bat that laid next to a bush & immediately went off to go grab it “Sasha knock it off!” Barbra shouted pushing past Cody & Seth & went to stop her daughter but she was faster & immediately smashed the bat into gis windshield and pointed it in his direction “I’m sick of your fucking games Cody! I’m sick of you acting like I mean something to you but then when I hurt your little fuck toys feelings by calling her out on what she is I’m such a fucking problem!” She shouted while Cody rushed towards her & tried grabbing out for her wrist but she immediately slammed the bat into the hood of his car

“Sasha knock it off & talk to me about this like a grown fucking woman!” “FUCK YOU! I showed you my vulnerability I let you CARVE your name into my skin & you just continue to fuck me over!” She screamed at him & eventually Randy leaned into Mari’s ear as the two shouted at each other “Do what you need to do.” She nodded at him and walked towards Sasha pushing Cody away “You need to leave her alone & just stop fucking talking. You’ve done enough.” She warned him while turning to Sasha & looking at her with a soft expression and taking the bat & keys away from her as gently as possible “c’mere..” Sasha then finally let her walls down for her best friend and cried on her shoulder while Cody stood in guilt before she saw Athena walk out which brought back all of that rage & make Sasha shove past Mari & get in Athena’s smug face “What kind of fucking friend are you!? This isn’t even about Cody this was about You & Me and our friendship and how you fucked that up & if you didn’t wanna be friends the. FINE because I don’t wanna fucking be your friend.” Marianna frowned & held Sasha’s shoulder before making her walk past everyone & go back inside. The two sat down on the staircase & Mari just held Sasha who was crying with frustration & confusion “I’m s-so sick of it! He puts me through hell & now she’s fucking him!? W-What the fuck Mari! When is it gonna end!” She sniffled while the brunette frowned running her hands down Sasha’s back.

Barbra breathed heavily & diverted her stare onto Athena “Was this your doing? Did you cause this damn fight!?” Athena stood there in shock & held her mouth agape while Barbra slammed her hands against her chest pushing her down onto the ground “You have a lot of nerve to come into this business, this family & make MY daughters life hell when she came to you with welcoming arms.” She scolded while Athena stayed speechless. Randy gently held Barbs arm “Don’t. It’s not worth yelling for.” She looked over at him & nodded while looking back over at the man who caused her daughter heartbreak “Your a pathetic excuse for a man.” She spat harsh words at him before turning & kicking Athena out of her way before walking inside to comfort her child.

Weeks after that Cody suffered in silent treatment from not only his bestfriend Seth but also Sasha. She wouldn’t even argue with him & annoy him like she usually does, it was as if she pretended he wasn’t there. One night she sat on the porch after dinner & drank out of her single wine bottle.

6 years ago…

Sasha & Cody sat together on the pier of Miami beach enjoying each others embrace while she swirled the promise ring he gave her many months ago around her finger she just pushed 19 & him 20, for the last 3 years they had been dating after meeting each other in high-school. They were so well connected to each other & related on many a things throughout their relationship. Their families were both within a fucked up mafia like business. When both of them couldn’t handle the way their lifestyles worked some days they were the only people that could comfort one another.

She leaned her head against his shoulder tracing shoulders against his back while he held her close just as the sun was setting & reflecting off of the ocean “One day I’m gonna get us out of here Sash’ I’m gonna get us out of here, start a new life somewhere quiet & calm and put a permanent ring on that finger.” She smiled looking up at him & interlocked her hand with his “You think we’ll love each other like this forever Codes?” She was such a sweet girl, her voice soft & relaxed, “I know we will sweet girl, for as long as we both live.”

If only it were true, after the sun officially set he took her home 2 hours after her curfew & she laughed as he tried climbing through her window as easy as she did “Cody we could’ve gone through the door.” He shook his head chuckling as he finally made it through her window before holding her waist “Your mom would’ve killed me if she saw me walk through that door especially when we’re getting here fashionably late for your curfew baby y’know this.” She smiled shrugged and pressing her gentle kiss against his lips “I love you Cody.” “I love you more angel, forever and always.”

She was so love sick for him that a month after that night where he broke up with her she changed forever, she was never able to love anyone the way she loved her Cody. She felt broken & lost without him and slowly began to resent & hate him for the way he left this affect on her

Present Day..

She felt Cody’s presence behind her & turned around a bit before looking away while he sighed sitting down next to her “What happened to us Sash?” He asked softly and looked at her while she avoided the eye contact “It wasn’t supposed to be like this sweetheart, WE weren’t supposed to be like this.” Sasha looked over at him & put her hair up while he kept talking “It was a stupid mistake the way we ended things sash’ we had a good thing going on & I just fucked it all up instead of fighting harder” Sasha shook her head “Maybe we just weren’t meant to be together Cody. We would’ve ended up in this current situation together or not.” He frowned shaking his head “Baby don’t say that..” Sasha scowled at the pet name “Don’t call me that.” She warned, Cody sighed and tried grabbing ahold of her hand but she got up & started walking back inside the house & hid herself away into her bedroom while her phone was ringing. Roman.

She picked up the call & swiftly shut her door locking it behind her “Have you thought over my offer yet Doll?” She hummed, A few nights ago Roman had gotten in touch offering her a place within his own gig within the drug business & utter control over anything she wanted unlike what she had in her family’s business. She wouldn’t have to face Cody everyday, she wouldn’t have to put up with Athena’s bullshit, it was like starting a clean slate. “I have. I would like to take up your offer.” She heard his devious chuckle before he told her she was to be expected at his manor by the morning & hung up.

She made her way downstairs into her mother & Randy’s office & gave them an update on Roman calling her as they had already knew about his offer, “If you feel comfortable enough going through with the plan then I’ll allow you to make your way over there tomorrow & do what you need to do..” Randy spoke as he leaned his entire body weight on his desk. Randy & Barbra had been told about this stunt Roman was pulling on Sasha and they had decided to make a plan by having her “go through with the offer” & turning on him just to get the information the Ricci’s needed on Roman.

Cody leaned against the wall near the office listening in & once Sasha finished her discussion with Randy & her mother and she walked out Cody grabbed her arm and walked off while she smacked his hand “What the fuck?! Cody let me go! I don’t have time for any of your games damnit!” He wouldn’t budge & dragged her outside into the backyard “What the fuck was that about Sasha?” She glared in confusion “Oh your fucking eavesdropping now?” He nodded putting his hands in his hips hooking his fingers against the belt wrapped around his pants “Yes, Yes I fucking am because I heard a very familiar name & I’m pretty sure it was Romans, Sasha for the love of fucking god don’t go through with this dumb shit it’s going to end horribly.” She crossed her arms as she grimaced at him “I’m getting really sick of you trying to control my own decisions Cody, Seriously, it’s fucking annoying.” Cody smacked his hands against his legs and paced in a circle for a quick minute trying to speak but she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt “Shut your mouth for 1 damn minute & save me the goddamn scolding of a life time okay? I’m going through with the plan and your not stopping me.” She shoved him out of her way and made her way back inside

Sasha spent the next day going over some things with Roman & getting used to the new atmosphere. Her gut tried telling her this was a horrible idea but she refused to listen. Roman sat her down in an office and cleared his throat. “We know you killed one of my men Doll. And usually I don’t appreciate that disrespect but I noticed that you are damn good at your job. I want you to be one of my hitmen, interrogators & top sellers. How does that sound?” She tilted her head “What’s in it for me?” He hummed digging through his desks drawers & then slammed a stack of cash on the table in her face “10,000 dollars each kill, sound good enough for you?” She picked up and flicked her thumb against the cash & jotted her head in his direction “20,000” “Deal.” She smiled & stood up & Shook his hand “A deals a deal.” Roman grinned before running his hand down her cheek “Your going to be the greatest addition to this business. You will not be taken for granted Sasha. Let’s put the past behind us starting today yeah?”

Randy was blowing up her phone for an update but she didn’t pick up. In fact this is where they started to not hear from her for 3 whole weeks. Everyone tried contacting Sasha but it was radio silence on her part so..Seth ended up calling roman to make a fair deal over some drug sale & had set a meeting place in a parking garage but she knew it was their way of trying to get her back as the realization hit for them that Sasha was actually going through with the offer Roman gave her.

Roman & Sasha waited in the parking garage for this “drug deal” but just as one of their cars began pulling in she grabbed Romans shoulder softly as she slowly realized it was only one of them attending this deal & that gave her the confirmation she needed that they were indeed trying to get her back. “You go home. I know their tricks & pawns. Let me deal with this alright?” Roman huffed thinking about it before giving in & following her directions stepping into his car & driving off. Just as the black Porsche pulled into a stop & parked in between the two white lines Cody got out of the car while Sasha stood her ground, hands in the pockets of her leather jacket while he sighed “Really Sasha? Turning on us now? Is that what Ricci’s do?” She shrugged “I don’t know. But since you like to act like your a Ricci when you’re not how by the way, about you tell me that yourself Cody, do we do that?” He winced at her words & dramatically put a hand over his chest “Your words truly hurt me sweetheart.” He spoke in a sarcastic tone.

“Why are you doing this Sasha, seriously, why? Your smarter than this yet your acting like a fucking dumbass turning your back on us for someone who’s going to turn his back on you. She clenched her jaw as she observed his body language & every detail of his face “He has more to offer to me than any of you, I mean seriously Cody, do you understand how fucked it is for your mother to know how badly her daughters first love broke her but yet still recruits him? That’s pretty fucked if I do say so myself but you wouldn’t understand because your ego’s as high as the clouds and your head is busy shoved up your own ass you don’t even realize how much your presence itself affects me.” Cody frowned before looking down and running his fingers against his jaw. He nodded looking up trying to reach his hand out to her but immediately she acted fast

Just as he stepped a few inches closer Sasha pulled a pistol out of her coat & pressed it against his head with a plain face “Not another step.” She said slowly as he chuckled with an amused smile on his head “That’s a new move. Go on Sasha. Since you apparently have the balls to pull a gun on me now do it. Shoot me.” Sasha froze at his words but eventually noticed he was being dead serious. “You have the guts to pull a gun on me then you must have the guts to shoot me right? Go on sweetheart, pull the trigger, right here, right now.”

She glared as he placed his hand over hers & scooted her finger towards the trigger “Do. It.” Fuck.

xtripleiiix’s Masterlist

[west-tokyo-incidents]

A soft click and the steady beat of music rose in Click's ears. She pushed open the door and walked in to the small entry room, a large Gauge instance standing there, still as a statue. He was scanning her and Monarch as they walked in.

"Ignore him, Monnie, he's one of the bouncers." She waved dismissively at the annoyed expression the fusion gave her, "Gotta make sure our emotions are in check." She pulled her key out of the door and stuck it back in her pocket as she closed the outer door, "Can't have another Bloodline happening."

She checked her make-up in the mirror there before the Gauge moved and let them through the inner door. She thanked him and gave a little wiggle of her fingers in a wave at him as the pair entered the main club. The music was even louder through here, thudding in their ribcages.

"Ooooh, Ray must be randy tonight." She giggled as she listened to the lyrics and bumped her hips against Monarch's, "Maybe we'll get that stick outta your ass for a night, ah?"

"Oh, fuck off." Monarch laughed, "I'm not that big of an ass."

"You kinda are, doll. C'mon, let's get you a drink."

Click moved across to the main bar and hopped up on a stool, "Is Kvas not working tonight?" She pouted as she saw the four-armed Jealousy instance, Mirror, on their side of the bar. The arachne douji chittered out a laugh, "On break, and she's waiting tables today."

Monarch laughed at the look on Click's face lighting up at that.

Two arms crossed on the bar and the other two propped up their head as Mirror leaned on the bar, "Who's this, Click?"

"Friend of mine, Monarch. He's part of the Medical crew." Click's eyes darted away quickly, "Monarch, this is Mirror, one of the bartenders here."

One of four eyebrows raised.

"...He's the medic for Black Mamba, but he's not a problem, I promise." She huffed at them.

Monarch noticed the change in the Jealousy's expression, giving him a side-eye before they stood up again, "Well, I won't say it's a pleasure, but I'm not opposed to meeting more friends of Click's." They nod at him with a tight smile, "What can I get you?"

They both order, Click getting her usual and Monarch getting a simple rum and coke.

"What's that about?" Monarch mumbled as Mirror left them to go attend another person on the bar.

"Bloodline left a nasty reputation for Elims here. All staff members have a list of Elim team codenames, so they know Black Mamba is an elimination team. S'why I tried to introduce you as a medic. Fuckin' course it had to be Mirror at the bar. Rattin' me out." She mumbled into her drink, "Don't let it ruin anything, okay? The fun is in the people and the music, a'ight?"

Monarch rolled his eyes, but nodded, taking a drink in lieu of responding. Mirror is talking to the other bartender, a tall Slow/Paresse fusion with a faded smile and content, half-lidded eyes. His antlers curve around his hear like a crown and he just shrugs at whatever Mirror tells him, glancing over to Monarch and flashing a smile as their eyes accidentally meet.

Monarch huffs quietly and snatches his eyes away, looking towards the stage, where Ray is bouncing along to the song playing, two dancers on stage as well, one occupied with someone talking to them, likely saying some rather wild shit according to the poor girl's face and Ray paying close attention to whatever is going on. Monarch doesn't even notice when the other bartender comes over, "Hey, lovelies. Mirror's going on break, since Kvas' back and we ain't that busy, so I'll--"

"Kvas' back?" Click perks up like a dog hearing the word 'walk' and Monarch snorts into his drink. He gets a glare for it, but just smirks in response to it. The bartender just laughs good naturedly at being interrupted, but nods his head towards a cute girl with tinted glasses and space buns at a table on the far side of the club.

"Yeah, she's waiting the east booths, one of the tables is open if you wanna go over there."

"Of course she's a Kia." Monarch jabs Click's side with a nail, making her yelp and smack at him, "Go on, turtledove. I'll be alright."

"Just don't antagonize anyone. Remember what I said about you being part of Black Mamba. Best behavior, okay, Monnie?" She hops off the stool and points a finger at him. He rolls his eyes, but nods.

She runs off, leaving the hawkmoth douji behind with... Monarch looks at the bartender, "I didn't catch your name?"

He smiles at Monarch, "They call me Bambi here."

[thelovelybitten]

vera’s first watch of south park — season four (part 5?)

I really need to not write so much but I need to for science

EPISODE 14:

is this another Christmas special

?????

PIP !!!

he’s so BABIE

AYO THAT THROW WAS PERSONAL

tbh not gonna pay too much attention to this one Imma be real

PIP DOING A JIG PLEASE

OH ESTELLA

pip receives dice cool ??

the set for london is rad

I wish my attention span cared abt this episode but I can’t be bothered it’s BORING

oh the cheating

I was reading other things SORZ

final act woo

oh there’s monkeys and men hanging to their death

and bunnies

oh bunnies are dead

old lady burned to a crisp and Estella loving each other alright the end

okay pog

EPISODE 15:

THIS INTRO JUST DOESNT MISS I AM TWERKING EVERYTIME

oh miss choksondik is back

BOT MANATEES

Wendy speaking facts

OH MY GOD NOT THE MANATEE SLAUGHTER

cartman getting away w anything is not surprising

but YO VITE BACK TO MANATEE TIME

EW CARTMAN THAT IS STRAIGHT BUTTER THAT IS DISGUSTING

CARTMAN GOING TO FAT CAMP AS THEY SHOULD

Mr.Garrison real for that

OH MY GOD THERE IS GUTS EVERYWHERE

I’m gonna vomit

GUYS DONT GET KENNY TO EAT IT

oh he’s gonna die from that isn’t he

THEY SLAUGHTERED SO MANY MANATEES IM UPSET

okay cartman let’s go 2 fat camp

EW

OF COURSE KENNY IS SICK THE FUCK

KYLE STOP KENNY DO NOT EAT THAT

NO GROSS KENNY NO

y’all are so weird for this

Cartman feral fr

LMAO such a good scheme

WHAT

no fucking way

CARTMAN THAT IS NOT YOU

I know it’s not him I FEEL IT IN MY BONES

NO KENNY DO NOT EAT THAT DOG SHIT

THAT IS SO VILE

KENNY IS GONNA DIE OH MY GOD IM GONNA THROW UP STOP

KENNY IS NOT A PROSTITUTE

pop off chef

WHAT THE HELL LMAOOOOOO I’m crying

principal Victoria is NOT HAVING IT

I FUCKING KNEW IT

CARTMAN IS SO MANIPULATIVE

STOP MY BABY KENNY IS GETTING SO BEAT UP

KENNY IM SO SORRY BABY BOY IM SO UPSET

KENNY YOU CANNOT BE FOR REAL

EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK KENNY DO NOT CLIMB INTO SOMEONES UTERUS ?’vbv THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE

and KENNY DO NOT GET ORAL SEX YOU ARE 8

OFC KENNY IS IN JAIL WHAT DID YALL EXPECT

KENNY’S PARENTS ENCOURAGING THIS IS SO FUCKED

oh they made fake cartman go into the uterus instead so slay

YO WHAT THE FUCK

fake cartman died big L

ANOTHER KID ?!?!

EPISODE 16:

IKE AND KYLE PLAYING BALL OMG

RAGING PUSSIES LMAOOOO

Kyle is doing the most to go to this concert

HIS DRAWINGS IM SO 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 HES really so cute okay

SHEILA AND GERALD ARE TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK

KENNY PLAYING WITH A FIRE TRUCK 🥹🥹🥹🥹 MY BABY

no CARTMAN DONT TELL KYLE TO CALL THE POPO WITH A FAKE MOLESTATION CLAIM

THIS IS SO BAD

OH MY GOD NO

OH SHITTTTTT

KYLE FUCKING SLAYING THE HOUSE DOWN CMON UNDERWEAR SHADES

THE KIDS BEING KIDS POP AWF

OLD TOWN ROCK N ROLL A BANGER

IKE NOT THE TOASTER

KYLES PARTY BE LIT AS FUCK

hc: kyles parties are always THE FUCKING BOMB next to the rest of the core four and Clyde

Clyde just knows HOW TO THROW A PARTYYY

Stan would get Shelly to boot for him

heck, Randy would do it too

Liane would for cartman

Kyle has a loophole w Stan as super best friends do

Kenny is the life of the party but can’t host shit bc of his family life FUCK

anyways back to the ep

NOT STAN GETTING SHELLY ARRESTED TOO

this is where this Stan dancing meme came from I see

LIANE HAVING A THREESOME LMAOOAOA

damn they really gettin everyone

GHOST TOWN

smiley town so real

BUTTERS <33

CRAIG IN HIS SPACE SUIT OH MY GOD IM CRYING HES SO CUTE

ITS SOACEMAN CRAIG

him making the noises as he walks away has me in shambles

KINDERGARTENER HOBGOBLINS

of COURSE CARTMAN IS MAYOR

Oh MY GOD KENNY IS DEAD

Pretends to be shocked

STAN AND KYLE SLAY

oh my god this is SO FUNNY

BUTTERS BROKE THE CAR

of course Wendy is on team stan she’s so real

Bebe on team cartman not cool

STOP IM CRINGING

ANYWAYS THIS EP WAS FUNNY

EPISODE 17:

LAST EP OF THE SEASON

and it’s a Christmas one. great

KYLE MANIFESTING MR HANKEY STOP

but him and Ike are so precious I can’t

STOP THEM SLEEPING ON EACH OTHER

perfect fucking siblings ON THE ENTIRE SHOW

parents putting them to bed 🥹

STAN IS ASLEEP KYLE PLEASE

KENNY HAS NO PANTS

the boys are disheveled I DONT BLAME THEM

I hate mr HANKEY with every fibre of my body

THE KIDS !!! cartman as Santa and the rest of the boys AS REINDEER 🥹🥹

Kenny as Rudolph 😭😭😭

snoopy cameo

BUTTERS MAKING THE CUTOUTS

OH HE ATE THESE

SO SLAY

BUTTERS ROBBED HE SLAYED THAT ARTS N CRAFTS

I cant be BOTHERED WITH THIS MUSIC NUMBER UGH

okay lion king ref

THE BOYS ARE SO CUTE

DREIDEL SONG SLAYED AGAIN

KYLE AND CARTMAN FIGHTING THIS ONE WAS ICONIC

wait they are demonstrating how the creators animate these shows !! THATS SO COOL

god I did not know this was stop action ?!?! FUCKING COOL

THEY MADE A WENDY CUTOUT THATS MY GIRRRRLLLL

okay KYLE W THE VOCALS

STAN’S CARTMAN IMPRESSION ATE

NO NOT KENNY

Style directors and writers as they should

OH NO

NOT THE FILM BURNING

WAIT THEY FIXED IT EPIC

WENDYYYYYY I LOVE HER

LMAO CHRISTMAS IS ABT PRESENTS REAL

END OF SEASON I MADE IT WOOOOO

gonna watch season 5 RIGHT AFTER DANCE

[trashcatsnark]

Oh, let me continue the subject of the jealousy of these two. You're saying that Johnny isn't the type to hold back when it comes to emotions. And it really is. But... there is a moment in the game when V talks about his exes or about stupid compliments in a conversation with River. And Johnny doesn't say anything. I would write it off as a scenario move, so as not to shift the focus from the River. But this isn't the only time Johnny ignores events in this quest line. See the second question

Part 2 for context:  So... I continue. Do you remember the moment when you watched brain damage and lost consciousness, when you and River were searching for clues about the mayor's murder? Johnny never ignored the moments when V passed out. Here River comes to the rescue, and you would think that he knows that there is someone to help and nothing to worry about ...But in similar situations with Judy and Panam, he would appear and deliver his moralizing remarks or make snide comments. 🤔

Personally, I do believe this is sort of a meta issue. I’ve talked about it a little bit before in a general post; how given his characterization, Johnny does not in my opinion talk as much as he should. In a more comedic example, I mentioned how could anyone honestly look me in the eye and say that Johnny wouldn’t have a comment on the guy with the exploding penis implant????  Like Johnny is majorly characterized as a guy who can’t leave well enough alone and always has something to say; yet theres a fairly large percentage of gigs and missions and moments where you’d think Johnny would have something to say and he doesn’t. There’s also times where lines are blatantly reused and in a jarring way.

Like, I could be wrong, but I think they reuse him saying “There it is” with both V getting Nibbles and a man committing suicide in a gig. Like????? 

Meta wise, I do think it’s partially a fear of over incorporating Johnny to the point players found him annoying. Because even now, some people find him irritating and wish he’d talk less. So, that could be a factor. The idea of not sidelining love interests is a factor of course. While, he has commentary through out each love interests questlines. He always does mostly bugger off during the romantic lead up and the actual kiss then sex. Because well, it might be a bit of a buzzkill and if you’re trying to get laid and Methed Out Future Keanu Reeves is yelling at you from the corner of the room. I mean, it’d probably enhance my experience but some people aren’t into that. 

As for why stuff like, him ignoring V getting zapped by the braindance in River’s quest. I’ve always thought that was ooc. Like, short of potentially the bd having fried him up for a bit, kinda like the emp blast does when V and Panam take down the AV. But overall, over and over again, Johnny is shown to be the first one there when V gets hurt. Even if its to yell at them for going into the toxic water or he waits a beat to appear once Panam is done looking over V. 

And that could be because they potentially again wanted to give more attention to River or... and I always hate to get into this sort of discourse, cause I know it aggravates some people. It was an oversight, something not caught, something not thought of, just because to be fair...River has the least polished questline of the love interests. The male love interests in general imo were sidelined more. But, River A) has the least amount of quests to build up to his romance, B) is the most easily missable love interest since he’s not even required to meet for the secret ending the way Kerry is. and C) this could just be my own personal experience, maybe cyberpunk 2077 provides unique bugs for everyone, but his quests are the buggiest for me.

And to be perfectly clear, this is not me being a dick to River. Do, I think some aspects of his character are kinda tone deaf, sure, but I like River. I think he’s a sweetheart, who’s usually pretty stiff, but has his cuter jokey moments and is a puppy dog underneath.  I love doing his quests because they’re truly very emotional, being able to help his family. Like, being able to save Randy is one of the best feelings in the game to me, knowing you saved him and so many other young boys. That’s why it honestly breaks my heart to see how little polish and attention his quests were given. From the calls glitching, him not staying on comms in the first quest, Johnny in my game doesn’t even give the dialogue warning my V about River wanting to sleep with her, like it just does not show up for me, The cobbled together family photo. The weird pacing of the romance that goes from 0 to a 100. Randy’s face glitches and clips through the mask when you’re saving him. Like the concept, the investigation, the intense stakes, and the emotional impact of his quest are all so good; but CDPR just did not in my opinion take enough time with it. 

So, maybe they didn’t bother to script and put Johnny in that scene despite it being something he’d most definitely pop in for; cause they just didn’t take their time with it like they could have/should have. 

And in regard to Johnny in universe and talking; while like I said he’s more upfront and direct with his anger and side comments that he uses to hide his real feelings. I do think, especially if its post oils field convo, a part of him tries desperately to bite his tongue and just sit with his feelings if he think its best for V. In the more love dovey romance moment with River, I could see him being like, “okay, V wants this, as much as it pisses me off, V deserves to have some good in their life” and tries to hold back and be good and then five seconds later “CANT BELIEVE YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME FUCK A COP” cause he can only behave for so long. 

And I do wanna note; I am by no means consider myself a Johnny Silverhand expert. I’ve said this before, his characterization and just him as a person can be very messy, very all over the place, and contradictory at times. He can try to kill V and then the next day pop up to chat with them in a diner and be like “why aren’t you happy to see me?????? you still mad?????? its been a whole ass 5 hrs since I told you to kill yourself and bashed your head into a window, gotta learn to let shit go dude.” So, sometimes I worry I’m making him ooc, but its fun nontheless, so. 

[feral-mouse]

🌼 for Dan and 👀 for Randy!!!

So, my writing isn't exactly the best, so sorry if it's really bad 👀💦. But honestly these were really fun to write, so thank you for sending these in!

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

[I didn't want to pick a specific love interest, so I decided to write about Dan's first meeting with Randy!]

I snuck out again against my friends’ requests. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? Besides, what’s a better way to spend the night than wandering outside in the forest? It’s exciting! You never know what you’re going to see. Or at least I wouldn’t, because believe me, I was not expecting there to be another person here, especially past midnight.

There’s a large figure looming over something, it’s too dark to quite make it out. Should I walk up to him? That’s obviously a bad idea, but what if something’s wrong? He’s making some weird noises… There’s something about him that’s telling me not to leave though, I’m not sure what it is. I take a step forward to get a better look at what he was doing, when he suddenly looks up. Oh god, he probably wasn’t expecting anyone else to be here either, huh? He looks confused. Maybe I should’ve left him alone, I’ve just made things awkward now. Should I leave? I want to, but my legs are shaking and he’s already stood up. Oh god, he finally turned around.

He… actually doesn’t look that bad. Sure he’s bigger than me, but he doesn’t look that scary. He actually looks pretty cool! I just keep staring at him in awe, I love how wacky his style is, he pulls it off really well! I wish I could be as cool as him! Oh god, how long have I been staring, he’s just staring back at me. I should probably say something before this gets even more awkward!

I raise my arm up to give him a little wave and say, “Um, hi? Hehe…” NO WAIT THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY, OH GOD! I SOUND SO STUPID!

He’s looking back at me and tilts his head. He slowly reaches up to his gas mask and takes it off. I’m met with a wide array of sharp teeth and bright eyes. “Hello there!”

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

[So I thought it would be fun to describe Randy from Archer’s point of view, so here we go]

When Dan said he wanted to introduce me to his new friend, I wasn’t expecting him to be such a creep. There’s something about this guy that puts me off. He’s so annoying, it’s like his brain is the size of a walnut. He’s loud, he’s too cheerful, and he keeps glaring at me. Dan doesn’t seem to notice it, because of course he wouldn’t, but this guy is clearly trying to send me the message not to mess with him. I hate to say that I’m going to have to be careful around this guy. I’m just so pissed that it has to be him of all things! This bastard, with his poorly styled hair and gaudy clothes, and that annoying laugh. Worst of all, this guy can’t even seem to take a proper shower, he smells like a dead dog that was left on the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm. If anything, this guy should be the least threat I have to worry about, but if I make the wrong move, then he’s clearly going to come after me. This fucking sucks…

[365days365movies]

February 14, 2021: Brokeback Mountain (2005) (Part 1)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Or Palentine’s, Galentine’s, Single Persons Appreciation Day, what have you!

Anyway, on this day where we (and the greeting card companies) celebrate love in all of its forms, I think it’s about time to diversify my movie choices a little bit. SO, for the next few days at least, we’re going to change it up, starting with a film that shook the 2005 public’s perceptions of love: Brokeback Mountain.

And who brings this movie to us? Same guy who gave us this:

And this:

And would give us this:

Ang Lee wasn’t originally meant to be the director of the film, as Gus van Sant was signed on to do it. You know, Good Will Hunting, Drugstore Cowboy, that one movie where Una Thurman plays the greatest hitchhiker in the world with giant thumbs, and eventually finds herself meeting multiple people, including Keanu Reeves, Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid), and a group of radicalesbians who like in the Great Plains, coexisting with a group of critically endangered whooping cranes to whom they;’ve fed peyote, while also opposing the intentions of an evil feminine hygiene product company that seeks to take over the land for their factories? YOU KNOW, THAT MOVIE?

It’s called Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, and I wasn’t even slightly exaggerating with that summary, I SWEAR.

Anyway, he couldn’t do it, and Joel Schumacher also passed on it eventually, so they asked Ang Lee if he’d do it. After CTHD and Hulk, dude was on his way to retire, but after he cried at the end of the script, he accepted the job. AND HISTORY WAS MADE

Before I get into it, I should probably frank about something. I’m a cissexual, heterosexual man in a straight relationship with my girlfriend. She says hi, by the way. Here she is, a massive Jake Gyllenhaal fan, getting ready to watch this movie for the first time with me:

Isn’t she lovely? Anyway, just thought I’d be totally transparent about that. Incidentally, I remember when this film came out, as well as the fervor around it. This was JUST as the gay marriage debate was EXPLODING into the public scene, so this was obviously quite the talking point at the time.

 Anyway, shall we find out who’s not going to quit whom? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Cowboys Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) are waiting outside of a trailer, with Ennis having just arrived  on a truck that reminded me of Optimus Prime, and I’m sorry. They’ve been hired by Joe Aguirre (Randy Quaid) to look after a group of sheep and guide them over Brokeback Mountain, a fictional mountain in Wyoming.

The two finally introduce each other, with Ennis seeming considerably closed off as compared to the open Jack Twist. They head to a bar, where the two get to know each other a but better Jack’s an occasional shepherd, but highly involved in rodeos throughout the year. Ennis, meanwhile, is a regular ranchhand at his family’s farm.

Time for sheep-herding, as the two guide their flock of sheep on horseback, with soft country guitars playing in the background over all of it. And I gotta say, the music combined with the visuals is giving me this real sleepy ambience vibe that I 100% would watch specifically to fall asleep to. Which is not an insult by any means, by the way; it’s just super relaxing.

The two make camp with the sheep in a mountain valley, and now I want to go camping. I realize that it’s February, and I live in a place VERY non-conducive to camping, but GODDAMN this movie makes me want to go camping. In the wilderness, surrounded by bird calls and crisp mountain air, LET’S GO.

We find out that Ennis is engaged to be wed to a woman named Alma, while Jack is yearning to break free of needing to take jobs like this. And all the while, they’re eating beans, scaring away coyotes, and fending of REALLY REALLY FAT American black bears, who you could really easily scare away without too much difficulty. You ever stared at a bear while both of you were in the woods? I HAVE. And we BOTH took off from each other in opposite directions. They’re not the bravest of animals, black bears. Grizzlies, however, you don’t wanna fuck with.

Anyway, after they face off against that bear and lose their newly bought supplies, they go hunting the next day and take down an elk. Which is a LOT of venison, I tell you what! Oh, and I’m not a hunter, just to be clear, but elk are fuggin’ HUGE. Seriously, XL deer they are.

Anyway, time goes on after that, and they continue to make their way through the mountains. And they get to know each other more, sharing their rodeo experiences and family backgrounds. Ennis also opens up pretty considerably, a fact not missed by Jack. The two become friends.

My girlfriend asks an interesting question: if I had never heard of this movie in any capacity...would I have known the extent of the relationship of Ennis and Jack? And honestly...I’m legitimately not sure at this point. I think I would’ve just assumed that they’d stay close friends, but no further than that. Call that being raised in a society with heterosexual bias towards relationships, or call that me not being a natural shipper. Both are probably accurate, to be honest.

Anyway, it’s getting cold out, and Jack’s sleeping in the tent one night while Ennis is freezing his balls off outside. With Jack’s insistence, he goes inside the tent to sleep next to Jack. And then...

Oh. Well, OK. Again, though, still not sure that at this point I’d...oh wait...OH...OH.

OK. Think I’d be able to tell at this point what the movie’s about.

So, yeah, they have sex. It’s spontaneous, it’s wild, it’s heat of the moment passion...and it’s REAL awkward the next day, I tell you what. That next evening, Ennis and Jack both insist that they “ain’t queer,” and that this is “a one-shot thing they got goin’.”

Uh, boys? There’s some important evidence to the contrary that we should consider here. But, OK, it’s a different culture, this is super new to you both, I get it. I’m not one to talk on the coming out or discovery experience (again, straight cis dude over here), but I understand that there’s some inherent denial. But still, they continue their relationship as is, for the time being.

Which is not as private as they thought, as Joe Aguirre observes them chasing each other naked on the mountain from afar. Whoops. Well, it doesn’t matter as much, as they still have a job to do until summer ends. And that job continues. They encounter another herd of sheep that gets tangled up with theirs, snow falls on the mountain and they have to deal with that, etc.

Then one day, the two need to head out. Jack goes to fetch Ennis, who’s moping on a hillside about something. He does this play lasso thing, which seems cute...

...until it turns into a full on brawl right there on the hillside. OK. Well. Some heavy denial going on here, I think, especially on Ennis’ part. Which is somewhat understandable, given the culture, and the fact that Ennis is engaged. Oh, by the way, hello infidelity. GodDAMN IT. Escaped you for TWO MOVIES IN A ROW, and you’re back rearing your ugly head.

Anyway, the job is done soon, and Aguirre’s not exactly happy with them, as they’ve apparently lost some sheep and picked up some from the other herd’s flock accidentally. With a light rebuke from Aguirre, the two part ways with not much else said. Jack asks if Ennis will come back the next summer, and Ennis reminds him that he’s getting married that fall. But as Ennis leaves...

Huh. Interesting reaction, that. Well, in the next scene, Ennis gets married to Alma Beers (Michelle Williams), and they seem to have a very happy relationship. They have two daughters together in a pretty small amount of time. The next summer, Jack tries to get a job with Joe Aguirre once again, but is refused on account of his relationship with Ennis on the mountain...kind of.

See, here’s the thing. Joe rebukes Jack for having their relationship on the mountain, leaving the dogs to babysit the sheep, rather than do the job they were hired for. And, uh...he’s not wrong, honestly. Yeah, OK, there’s definitely some homophobia laced in there, obviously, but they were hired to watch the sheep, and we only really saw them do that once or twice. So, yeah, sorry to say, but Joe’s not entirely unjustified in not rehiring Jack.

At a Fourth of July festival, Ennis brings his wife and daughters to see the fireworks, when a couple of bikers antagonize the crowd as a whole. This results in Ennis telling them to stop, and a fight takes place, with Ennis IMMEDIATELY taking out the two bikers, with little effort. Anger issues there, Ennis? 

Jack returns to the rodeo, with new other options for money. He’s clearly also coming to terms with his own sexuality, as seen when he not so subtly hits on a cowboy at the bar. However, he also meets a young woman, a barrel racer named Lureen Newsome (Anne Hathaway), whom he seems to get along with fairly quickly at a rodeo. They dance together at the bar that night, and, uh...park.

And that, of course, leads to their eventual marriage and parentage as well. Looks like Lureen’s parents arent the biggest fans of Jack, though. Sure that’s going to lead to a healthy relationship down the road.

Been about 4 years since Brokeback Mountain, and this is punctuated by Jack paying a visit to Ennis’ place, which Ennis is told about by Alma. He seems...very anious, waiting nervously for a day to see him. But he finally arrives, and the two embrace happily. And then...

Oh, and Alma sees? Sure, sure, oh, and they go to a motel IMMEDIATELY? Oh, OK, OK, infidelity? Yuuuuuuupyupyupyupyupyup, halfway point? Yeah, sure, see you in Part 2. Geez.

[homosexualadventure]

every single lmam song, ranked.

i just finished listening to let’s make a music for the first time, and Oh My God it rocks. it’s a great podcast and if you’re reading this without having listened to it...i don’t know what to tell you. i don’t know what you think lmam means. but, that aside, if you haven’t listened to it yet: go listen to it! it’s not a crazy long podcast, overall or episode length-wise, so it’s manageable even for people who usually can’t handle podcasts (like me!) anyways, now that it’s over, what’s left for me to do with my time and energy that i used to spend thinking about lmam?

listen to the episodes again so that i can rank all fourty-one songs from worst to best, of course. so that’s exactly what i did.

i mostly ranked these on my gut feeling, because i didn’t come up with the idea of ranking it on a set of points before like...five minutes ago. there’s a bit of personal bias in here, so if you disagree with me on rankings, hey! send me an ask, or a dm. we can talk about it. 

so, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it! let’s...make a ranking. haha. that’s just a fun little lmam joke for you. 

41. the roquefort stank

this song only gets points for laura’s stanky noises in the background. i love laura.

40. shan’t he shanty

weirdly catchy. for a sea shanty, that is. that’s all i have to say.

39. well, i’m on child...

i do love a good gay song about polyamory but it just wasn’t enough in this case. truly heartbreaking. 

38. dog trash

i’m not a big fan of polka in general. that’s all i have to say. i don’t have to explain all my decisions. this is my journey. and it’s your journey that you’re taking with me.

37. echoes of wednesday

it’s not my favorite but i do think it’s sweet and i like all the laura vocals. also the zuko vocals. 

36. brothers in legs

not their best character song but it’s still a song you could quietly headbang to. i just don’t love full story ballads (there is an exception to this, you’ll see) most of the time. 

35. ol’ tim’s tricks

i’m not saying it’s a bad song, i’m just saying it sounds like it was once in a made for tv disney channel-esque movie about a girl who finds her calling in sports and friendship.

34. don’t give me that altitude

very queen-esque with general 80s vibes and i like that.

33. dreamless

if it was longer i think it would be a lot higher on the list, because it’s Good. but i don’t feel right putting a 45 second song above, like, tobie’s razor. still! i love the mellow, kind of sad and eerie tones of it.

32. holiday crime!

look i know this one’s fairly low on the list, hear me out: it’s a good song and it’s pretty memorable as well! but as far as holiday songs go, i don’t think it’s their best or most iconic one. laura’s laughing and beat in the back is absolutely wonderful and heartwarming, though.

31. mr. dad

this one gets a higher rating than the previous holiday song for its good good harmonica and because when i heard the lyrics “but you love to watch him go” used to describe mr. dad i almost toppled my chair backwards with me still in it.

30. mourning ritual

the biggest load of 1980s bullshit i’ve ever heard in this decade. somehow it’s also got a big panic! at the disco vibe and i’m not sure how i feel about it but it’s definitely Strongly There and i can’t deny it.

29. outback sadhouse

it’s RIDICULOUS how well they nailed the sufjan stevens vibe with this one. plus the restaurant dialogue bit in the back of the song really adds a lot. 

28. let down my better dynamite

it’s really easy to bop to and the instrumental in the background is FANTASTIC! jonah really killed it with this one. plus they talk a lot about rats in the episode which is nice for me because i love rats. also it’s the first episode with an instance of “brian does a bit”.

27. the tale of the greazzy creek

i just think it absolutely nails the vibe of a rural campfire grizzled old cowboy song while also being a really catchy theme song. like, i think you could’ve snuck it into holes (2003) and i would’ve been like, yeah, that sounds right. 

26. turn around and come down slowly

not one of their more iconic songs but brian’s voice is so pretty in this and it’s really soothing. 

25. ratless randy’s

i don’t know why it’s this high on the list either, but it is. ratless randy’s really IS the place to be, guys.

24. tobie’s razor

i will be honest. when i saw the title for this episode for the first time i just thought “occam’s razor” and as i type this i can’t even think of what that actually is, so..... anyways, i’d say this song absolutely NAILS the vibe but i have no idea what vibe it’s even remotely related to. certainly does nail the internal childhood monologue though. i think this song is the first one where they really started hitting their stride, also. not that it’s better than some of the earlier ones, but this one forward their songs were pretty consistently high quality. plus, and no one will be surprised by this by now, it gets extra points for laura. 

23. armoire of royals

it’s weird, it’s synthy, has a vaguely billie eilish-esque part near the end which is not necessarily a point in favor depending on your taste but it Definitely is surprising and cool, and it’s got fake british accents. what more do you need out of a song?

22. sybil’s night scare

the piano in this is perfect and fantastic and the comedic timing in the song is just right. jonah’s delivery of “they’re actually real human eyes” is so goddamn good and his singing is Also great and frankly i think we can all agree we’re fucking tired of him saying he can’t sing. i mean, i assume (i fucking hope) he’s stopped saying that by now considering he had the majority of vocals on silo by a bit but Still. it’s a good peppy halloween-y song.

21. chalice for your thoughts

two spooky songs in a row! honestly, i’m not sure what reasons i have for ranking this song as high as i did. i just like it a lot. they were able to include a lot of weird twitter suggestions fairly seamlessly, and it’s just soft and pretty. spooky, but still pretty. 

20. 21st blitheday

i admit it: i fucking hate the voice brian uses in this. but i really, really like the song. the beat’s very good and somehow brian still manages to sing the chorus well and make it sound nice even though his affectation is Stupid as hell <3 the background whistling is nice and his robot voice, which he’s used for several of his videos but i think most notoriously for scrundler in his week in revue series (here), is also featured. it’s a real bop, i think.

19. monday night boomball

i genuinely think this is their weirdest song, ever. it’s incomprehensible and it’s so fucking theatre kid of them, and it’s dumb as shit but it’s really funny and enjoyable and strange and i love it.

18. gentle light

this is a really good song. it’s not weird or funny, it’s genuinely just a really soft, calming, normal song. i can’t in good conscience rank it above the others for this reason, because it’s easier to make a regular song good than it is for a song about fucking a tree, but i want to be clear: i really love this song. it’s a song that you could fall asleep to, cry to, cuddle up in a blanket to, whatever the hell you want to do to it.

17. proud egg mouth

extra points for fitting the word “maw” in any kind of song, a feat i’m not sure anyone else has ever accomplished. also for brian actually singing with an egg in his mouth.

16. you can take that to the bank

brian does an incredible randy newman impression and i love him for it. also it’s just a good song! it’s not my favorite but it’s very pleasing to my ears and it’s well made.

15. rainbow trout eggs

i listened to a shit ton of colbie caillat in middle school and i can tell you with confidence that the lyrics “i feel so alive and i know that i’m happy na na na na na hey hey” would be in one of her songs. it’s a good song with completely ridiculous lyrics and it’s a better character/full story ballad than their previous ones, in my opinion. which is what you’re specifically here for!

14. car mitzvah

i think this is a song my dad would listen to if it came on the radio. i also think it deserves to be in an early 90s or maybe coming of age movie. brian’s vocals are fantastic in this, also.

13. dr. brims

“it’s a new year, Ha Hah!” this song is sooooo fucking funny and exemplary of a lot of their other songs that came afterwards. i’ve been saying that a lot i think. writing reviews is hard.

12. let’s make a music (theme song)

maybe it’s the emotional value of this song being the song i associate most with the podcast, since it’s the theme song, or maybe it’s just really good. (spoiler: it’s both but mostly the second one) the episode is also really funny in general and if you’re new to the podcast and don’t care about order, i highly recommend this one first! 

11. heartbreak in michael’s

a very very very good sad gay love song and i recommend it to the ends of the earth! because this is the internet, and i can!

10. arbor day!

you try making a horny song about deforestation.

9. why don’t you like our song title?

such a fucking bop and showcases their skill for just doing whatever the hell they want and STILL making a fantastic song or video or whatever. they just stop saying words in it and it does not take anything away from the song. could you do that? i mean...maybe! but for the sake of this review and my point i’m gonna be like fuck you no you couldn’t. moving on.

8. akimbo

the backing track in this is ABSOLUTELY what makes the song. plus that one video of brian strutting but technically that can’t affect my review of the song because Technically it’s not part of the song. anyways it’s really peppy and fun and enjoyable and Good.

7. heartbreak in michael’s (reprise)

it’s the perfect finale song. like, it genuinely sounds like the song that plays at the end of a romcom after everything’s finally worked out. i Did cry when i heard brian sing the theme song at the end but that’s just because i’m a sentimental son of a bitch. so besides that ending bit that i can(’t) guarantee will make you tear up at Least, it’s really fucking fun! it’s upbeat and happy and i think they made the right song to go out on. or to go on a hiatus on, if brian’s website is to be believed. i don’t believe it, but hypothetically, y’know? hypothetically...

6. debutaunt ball

if the met gala doesn’t make this their theme song i will personally burn next year’s event to the ground, i swear to god. also it’s a good song to show off both jonah and brian’s range. it’s not like a lot of their other songs but it’s SUCH a banger and i adore it.

5. madame zamporium’s wax emporium 

fuck yeah. learning that the “ooh come on baby” from several unraveleds came from a let’s make a music is the reason i finally started listening to the podcast in the first place. but BESIDES that, since that’s not a reason for my ranking (just a fun little fact about me!), this song slaps a ridiculous amount. they went insanely hard and it’s the first song they made that really sets the tone of the podcast, which is: great comedy, great high production music. 

4. alan rickman’s edible zoo

GOD! the anti-celebrity, anti-capitalist rock song i’ve been waiting all my fucking life for! also it’s anti-america but only in one lyric. but in Another sense....throughout the whole song. PLUS, and most importantly, it features jonah’s literally and i mean LITERALLY impeccable alan rickman impression. like, it’s fucking bulletproof. alan rickman was in the goddamn room. 

3. horsecar!

look. when this song started playing for the first time i went...fuck no. in general i don’t tolerate country or cowboy songs very well because they just don’t sound appealing to my ears most of the time. i put up with country road only because of a funny mario edit someone made of it and now the original song has more value to me. this is relevant only because the same thing happened with horsecar! in that the chorus KICKS ASS. i may make a post on just my favorite lmam songs and also this is already a crazy long post so i won’t go into it too much but i will say this. the shock value of going from the first verse in this song to the chorus is...........Incredibly high and it Works So Fucking Well! it literally makes the song. and not even just for the short term value of Oh My God That’s A Twist, it lasts through the whole song. i’m listening to the song as i type this and i’m currently at the country/cowboy part and i don’t hate it because i know the chorus is incredible. in fact, i’d argue that the chorus on its own may be the best thing lmam ever made, even better than my two actual favorite songs of theirs. i’m definitely going to have to make a full post on this. (SIDE NOTE: BRIAN’S VOCALS ARE FUCKING CRAZY AND HORSECAR! IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF THIS. his goddamn RANGE!! SIR!!! his falsetto is literally ridiculous my pants are OFF)

2. dragon me to this wedding

this is what i meant when i said there’s an exception to the “i’m not generally a fan of full story ballads”, because this is one of my all time favorite lmam songs. as in, it’s in the top three. which i guess you can tell from it being number two in the top three. in fact, it’s probably one of my favorite songs in general. the first time i listened to the episode i went back and listened to the song again three times in a row, and all three times i cried real tears. it’s GAY it’s REALLY PRETTY and i LOVE IT. 

1. save 2 4 tony

so we’ve finally made it to my all-time favorite lmam song. maybe it’s that i recently graduated myself and so this song hits a little harder, but it also just GOES hard. i genuinely think they peaked when they recorded this. it’s one of those bdg songs where you’re listening to it, you’re just chilling, and it’s like “yeah wow this is nice!” and all of a sudden he hits a falsetto and you go “oh FUCK that guy can SING!” literally his vocals in this are incredible and it’s very fun (and on brand) that the Oh Fuck moment here is the line “tony hawk babeyyy!” plus jonah killed it on the backing and composition and everything. it’s the best let’s make a music song and i won’t take constructive criticism.

[nightwingshero]

Character Study

I was tagged by @scarlettkat86 thank you, dear!

Yeah...I only did my favorites the ones I’m currently focused on right now. Jane is on the list, but I honestly think three is enough for this. Besides, it’s super early in the morning. 

Dahlia Strong

LAYER 01: THE OUTSIDE

NAME: Dahlia Mae Strong

EYE COLOUR: They’re ice green

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR: It changes, darling. It’s brown, clearly, but whether it’s short or long usually goes with the trend. But it’s normally short with curls.

HEIGHT: 5′03″

CLOTHING STYLE: *sigh* obviously whatever is currently in style. Mostly a dress with heels, stockings, a clutch and a nice coat and hat to go with. Now, I have heard of the women’s suits. Aunt Pol just got one and mine are coming in soon. 

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: *laughs* All of me isn’t enough? Mmm...I would say that perhaps my eyes would be the best. Maybe my smile, it tends to get people’s attention. Although Alfie would say it’s something else...and well, that’s not exactly appropriate for polite conversation, now is it?

LAYER 02: THE INSIDE

FEAR: I’m a Shelby, we don’t fear anything. But if I had to choose...losing my family and those dear to me. Our family is very close, don’t fuck with us, dear. 

GUILTY PLEASURE: I have a weakness for treats and sweets. There’s also a “baker” in Camden Town.

BIGGEST PET PEEVE: Stupidity. I have little patience for it. 

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE: Succeeding with our family, dear. Shelby Company Limited is doing well. But I think deep down, I really would like to retire somewhere relaxing and enjoy that success. 

LAYER 03: THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP: Fucking hell, what did I have to do today?

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST: The business, of course. Business comes first, darling. 

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: None of your bloody business.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS: Darling, I am very good at sweet talking and getting out of trouble.I’m also good at yelling at people...

LAYER 04: EITHER OR

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: Group date...? Is that another term for orgy? I would prefer not to, but thank you. There’s a certain...someone who would not appreciate my participation in such a thing.

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED: Respected. People don’t listen to you if they don’t respect you, my dear. Make sure they know who the boss is. 

BEAUTY OR BRAINS: What’s wrong with having both? That’s where the power lies, dear. Always choose both.

DOGS OR CATS: I have a cat, but I also adore dogs. They’re very cute, and good to keep around the house in case of protection. 

LAYER 05: DO THEY

LIE: If I did, I wouldn’t tell you, would I?

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES: Bloody hell, of course I do. 

BELIEVE IN LOVE: Oh. Well, that’s an odd question. What does that matter?

WANT SOMEONE: *clears throat* I...I would rather not talk about this.

LAYER 06: HAVE THEY

BEEN ON STAGE: Oh, of course. I was a burlesque dancer. 

DONE DRUGS: No, although Finn tells me that snow is fun. Or well, cocaine, I should say. I haven’t tried it though, I’m rather fun without it. 

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN: No. I am who I am, darling. People change to fit in with me.

LAYER 07: WHAT'S THEIR

FAVORITE COLOR: I like creams, grey, and blue. Also black. Very nice. 

FAVORITE ANIMAL: Animal? I like horses and deer. 

FAVORITE BOOK: I have too many to name. I have a full library. Would you like to see?

FAVORITE GAME: I like playing cards with my cousins. Arthur always gets so upset when I beat him. 

LAYER 08: AGE

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE: Oct 2.

HOW OLD THEY WILL BE: 36. That’s a rude question, dear. 

LAYER 09: I...

I LOVE: My family, money...a certain man that will remain nameless, and if you say a word, I will cut out your tongue.

I FEEL: Fine. I feel fine. 

I HIDE: Whatever I have to. 

I MISS: running in the grass in my bare-feet. That is fun, darling. 

I WISH: You’d piss off. But I suppose I wish something planned out would go right for fucking once. I swear, Tommy and I will go grey from it. 

Wren Blake

LAYER 01: THE OUTSIDE

NAME: Wren Marie Blake

EYE COLOUR: Blue green, they kinda change. 

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR: My hair is black. I either keep it in a ponytail because it’s easier, but I also wear it down, too.

HEIGHT: 5′04″, unfortunately.

CLOTHING STYLE: I like skinny jeans, honestly. With a tank top, maybe a flannel. I have some t-shirts, too. And I’ll wear a leather jacket sometimes with combat boots. I have dress pants, heels, and some button ups, along with some dresses that John bought me. 

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: My body from the neck down because have you seen my tattoos? *goes to take shirt off* I can show you if you like?

LAYER 02: THE INSIDE

FEAR: Not being good enough and being alone. 

GUILTY PLEASURE: Singing in the shower. 

BIGGEST PET PEEVE: Being lied to. Don’t fucking do it. 

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE: Enjoy peaceful time. Is that so bad?

LAYER 03: THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP: Five more minutes. 

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST: How fucking stressed I am all the damn time now. Fuck. 

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: I think about going to sleep because I fucking need it. 

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS: I don’t know, my sense of humor? Randy says its my talent at trying to kill people with my driving, but fuck him. 

LAYER 04: EITHER OR

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: Single dates. I don’t do groups of people, not my thing. 

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED: Both. I want people to love how much the respect me, and respect how much they love me. *chuckles* see, sense of humor. I’m hilarious. 

BEAUTY OR BRAINS: Brains. But not in a zombie way. 

DOGS OR CATS: Cats

LAYER 05: DO THEY

LIE: I try my best not to. 

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES: Eh...

BELIEVE IN LOVE: ...Yes

WANT SOMEONE: None of your business!

LAYER 06: HAVE THEY

BEEN ON STAGE: Yes

DONE DRUGS: I had some fun in college...ever had acid?

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN: I’ve done it before, but I don’t anymore. What’s the point of it?

LAYER 07: WHAT'S THEIR

FAVORITE COLOR: Black, navy blue, and burgundy. 

FAVORITE ANIMAL: Ravens, hawks, owls, and foxes.

FAVORITE BOOK: I like a lot of things. Jane Austen is a personal favorite, along with Edgar Allen Poe. Crime and Punishment is a good one, too. But I think Carrie by Stephen King holds dear to my heart. 

FAVORITE GAME: Video games or...? Because Spider-man, the Arkham trilogy, and God of War are pretty awesome. I like kicking Randy’s ass at Uno. There’s also drinking games...

LAYER 08: AGE

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE: June 24th

HOW OLD THEY WILL BE: 28.

LAYER 09: I...

I LOVE: Singing, reading, listening to music, doing whatever I want that makes me happy. My friends. 

I FEEL: Stressed. All the time. 

I HIDE: My feelings and my stash of energy drinks. 

I MISS: *sigh* My mom. I really miss my mom. 

I WISH: This shit would stop, I’m tired of the fighting. 

Randy Miller

LAYER 01: THE OUTSIDE

NAME: Randall Michael Miller. But just...call me Randy, okay? I fucking hate  that name. 

EYE COLOUR: Blue

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR: Uh, it’s brown...and I brush it sometimes, does that...does that count as styling? I wear hats too. 

HEIGHT: 5′09″

CLOTHING STYLE: Pants, shirt, leather jacket and boots. I have suits too, I think. 

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: *laughs* arms. Definitely my arms. I tell Jane it’s my ass. 

LAYER 02: THE INSIDE

FEAR: *coughs* Wren’s fucking driving. 

GUILTY PLEASURE: Fruity drinks. I don’t give a fuck, they’re good and they fuck you up quickly. Jane makes fun of me. 

BIGGEST PET PEEVE: Don’t...don’t touch my bike, man. If you don’t want your face beat in, don’t touch my fucking bike. 

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE: Pssh, don’t have any. Can I just worry about today? I think that’s enough. 

LAYER 03: THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP: Fuck this. And then I go back to sleep. Jane usually drags me out of the house. 

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST: My dogs and my bike.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: I can’t wait to go to sleep.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS: Oh...I guess my loyalty? Trustworthiness? Fuck if I know...my arms? Look, I can fight, okay?

LAYER 04: EITHER OR

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: Eh...that all sounds like a rough time, I don’t date...well. Can...can we just skip that?

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED: Respected. Respect me, respect the bike, don’t touch it, and respect my dogs. Or else. 

BEAUTY OR BRAINS: I have both, so no brainer there...wait...

DOGS OR CATS: Dogs. Cats freak me the fuck out. 

LAYER 05: DO THEY

LIE: When I need to

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES: I believe I’m pretty fucking awesome.

BELIEVE IN LOVE: Why are you asking?

WANT SOMEONE: *clears throat and shifts uncomfortably* Why are you asking these weird questions?

LAYER 06: HAVE THEY

BEEN ON STAGE: Fuck no.

DONE DRUGS: I plead the fifth...Johnny taught me that one. 

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN: Fuck no. 

LAYER 07: WHAT'S THEIR

FAVORITE COLOR: Black and dark green. 

FAVORITE ANIMAL: Hawks and wolves are pretty cool. So are bears, when they’re not trying to kill you. 

FAVORITE BOOK: I like a lot of Ernest Hemingway, but I read mostly poetry. 

FAVORITE GAME: I kick Wren’s ass at Uno. We do drinking games, too. And Monopoly, but don’t tell her I told you. 

LAYER 08: AGE

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE: July 1st

HOW OLD THEY WILL BE: 31.

LAYER 09: I...

I LOVE: Fighting, riding dirt bikes and my motorcycle, my dogs...all kinds of things. 

I FEEL: Tired. 

I HIDE: My fucking whiskey because Wren and Jane steal it. 

I MISS: Motorcross racing. It’s so much fucking fun, man. 

I WISH: I had another dog. I’ve been thinking about either getting a German Shepherd, Boxer, or a Pitbull. I don’t know yet...I might get all three. 

Tagging: @pd3 @simonxriley @xbaebsae @tomexraider @faithchel @risenlucifer @abosaa @ja-crispea @dieguzguz @trialandseed @princess-underthemountain

[avatarconner]

About Kindred and The Order

With seeing my last post to you, with seeing how things are, with how Kindred and the Order are presented,do you still believe that it’s actually the holy grail as you abd webweilding try to claim it is? I mean, throughout the series, Kindred never even did much before his reveal. Beside a few of the things you’ve mentioned last time, Nick Spencer never bothered to make Kindres anything interesting. Nothing involving his character, his traits, his psychological issues,nothing that made the guy anything interesting. Nothing that could’ve expanded his story a bit before the reveal. All throughout he history kept saying how he’s gonna plan on something big and how he’s gonna do his things to Peter. But, he never did. Both you and webweilding say that he’s the best mystery since Hobgoblin but, he really isn’t. He never did anything that put him as interesting or mysterious as he should be. In fact, he wasn’t even subtle about his mystery the moment the absolute Carnage tie in happened. And after Kindred’s reveal, Nick Spencer revealed that he actually gave up on trying to put in a mystery the moment people guessed who he was. And with that, with how it’s presented, that’s just a Really unprofessional thing to do. And with how the latest issue turned out, it just played that we all don’t know who he is for some reason. 

I also like to talk about the Order Of The Web. Since their appearance, they claim to serve some importance to Peter. But, the thing is, they never did anything interesting. I mean, Miles, Gwen, and Julia are fine. But, the rest never did anything. Nothing that would serve any importance throughout. The best way this would’ve turned out better for them was if they brought in Kaine and Ben into this. But, for some reason, despite sharing the same issues as Peter and The Order,they never appeared. Not one appearance they made. I mean,you would think the two important Spiders of whok Norman caused trouble with would appear. But, they didn’t. Abd with them around, the dynamics between the Order would’ve been a lot more interested had Ben and Kaine argue with their morality and just delve into their psychology. Throughout, the story never gave us a reason for their absence in this. And throughout they should given us an explanation or something with them. 

For all the Stuff you said about Nick Spencer as well as other previous writers, you guys sure don’t seem to find anything here with Kindredabd the other two Spiders. 

Honestly? yes. 

Look I won’t pretend that the mystery is perfect, it’s not even the best mystery in fiction I’ve seen for Spider-Man (Spectacular’s Goblin twists are top for me) but I still think it has a good buildup. 

First thing we know is that Kindred knows Peter’s secret identity, meaning that only a few people alive could be him. In fact when Charlee Cooper appeared she was a suspect since she knew that Peter was Spidey and possibly could use tech like mysterio to simulate powers. Not to mention that her re-introduction is a parallel to Kindred’s introduction with his first words being off pannel, and her meeting MJ are shown off pannel.

It also works since, because it’s a comic, for the longest time Kindred could have been a SHE. 

Moving along we see that Kindred has a certain view of Peter when he reconciles with Felicia. He’s angry because Peter’s pulled another person into the insane life that peter leads, endangering someone else (that comes into play later). I also want to point out a little something here, when we see all the photos of Kindred’ targets in his tomb, Superior Spider-Man is there....clearly Spencer was either uninformed, or Gage just didn’t bother to tell anyone, that Superior Spider-Man would be wrapped up in his own book (Thank god). 

After this the next big appearance is in Hunted, while Peter has a feaver dream of someone killing MJ, Kindred is in her home watching over her. Peter senses something is wrong and rushes home to find MJ fine, Kindred tells him that he’ll never hurt MJ or the people he loves, because Peter will do that himself. 

This is where Kindred’s motivation and dislike for Spider-Man becomes clear, he believes that Peter endangers those around him by being Spider-Man and needs to be stopped.

The next thing we learn is huge since its from Mysterio, a character who Died (not in Spider-Man but Guadian Devil by Kevin Smith) and came back to life in Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man by Peter David when Pete’s ID was out and the second Mysterio (surprisingly another Kevin Smith creation) targeted the school he worked at. He’s asked the big question that no one ever bothered to answer. How did Mysterio come back to life?

Beck explains that he went to hell and there he was tutored by a Demon and eventually brought back to life to do as the demon said. This is the biggest clue since this means that Kindred is someone who is dead, knows who Peter is, and cares about the people around him. This narrows the pool of suspects down considerably.

Then we get to absolute Carnage tie in, which for a moment I want to just praise spencer for making a fucking Tie in to an event that he had no writing control in both engaging for that event and tie into his own story in Spider-Man. Tie ins suck for the most part and he managed to make his relate to the story he was telling, that’s clever.

Anyway in Absolute Carnage, we learn that kindred has ties to Norman Osborn based on the talk they have with each other, and Norman knows who knidred is. We also learn that both Kindred and Peter were present at a welcome home party for Harry Osborn which had a bunch of old Spidey friends in attendance including Gwen, Flash, Randy, and others.

And then we get to Sins Rising, where he summons Sin Eater back from the dead so that he can set things in motion while Peter is at a low point with MJ being gone.

We later larnthat the goal of Sin Eater was to gather the Sins of Spider-Man’s villains and use them to turn the Order of the Web into monsters, which Peter feels resposnible for and offers up his own life in exchange for theirs, because of course he would. And Kindred knows this.

Kindred is thoughtful, minipulative, and knows Peter. So it absolutely makes sense why it’s Harry.

Before Harry died in SPSM 200, he made Peter’s life hell because he thought he was responsible for all the suffering in their lives, his dad dying, Gwen, her dad, and he just dogged Peter as much as he could. Your considering that Kindred is a brand new character when he’s the evolution of another character we know, Harry Osborn. That’s his History, there’s all his psychological issues. That’s the mystery, which character could Kindred Be? You figure out everything once you figure that out.

He kept saying he had a plan and he does! We’re in the middle of it! The endgame is still unclear but you can’t say you hate a story until it’s finished. 

What made Harry’s reveal so shocking was that....well, Harry’s alive! He has been since OMD. And he’s been a good guy! I’ll be honest I thought Kindred was going to be Flash Thompson since he ticks off a lot of boxes except for going to hell, he was hero but I figured that maybe someone (mehpesto) wanted to screw with him? But no, Harry Makes complete and total sense.

As for the Order of the Web, I’M ACTUALLY TOTALLY WITH YOU ON THAT!!!! 

Anya, Jessica, and Julia have nothing to do with Spider-Man, and all they really do is dilute the brand. Gwen should honestly stay in her own universe where she came from but Marvel took the wrong lesson from Spiderverse and such again so now she’s going to college at ESU......on earth 616....despite having an entire world of her own which SHE FUCKING LIVES ON. She’s trying to be like Miles is now, but can’t be because Gwen being dead is one of those things you don’t touch.

Silk also.......I feel bad, people like her but fucking Slott made her just so Peter could have no strings attached sex with an attractive young woman. I’m glad she’s getting her own series again and focusing on her heritage from what I understand. 

Ben and Kaine have way more right to be here than any of them, hell I’d love to see Kaine again. Ben i understand since last time Peter saw him, Dan Slott made him the Jackal for no fucking reason and completely ruined his character. 

And I think maybe tonally it might not work, Sins Rising is ultimately a prelude for Last Remains, and that kicks off with all the people Peter feels he’s inspired (Which admittedly is true) become monsters, Kaine’s entire series is him dealing with the fact that he sees himself as a Monster, and Ben’s is......actually I didn’t read his unfortunately, but he was more like Kaine than Peter. So they’ve already dealt with the idea of their own sins, Peter hasn’t, at least not recently I think.

But I honestly thing this Order of the Web should be torn down. Peter, Miles, Jessica (whose doing her own thing and doesn’t even have a passing relation to Spider-Man outside her name), Ben, Kaine, and MAYBE Madam Webb. Gwen should just stay in her own dimension and Silk I think is actually moving to china or something? 

I really hope we get something with Ben and Kaine soon, if Pete and MJ get married I’d love to see the three of them patch things up and Have Ben be Peter’s best man since....you know Flash is dead and Harry’s an asshole.

[the-caldwell-family]

Prompt Writing

Hey guys, what's up? I'm back and horribly procrastinating writing. The good news is that I procrastinated writing so much to the point of going back to writing. I saw a prompt I liked on instagram and decided I wanted to write it, so here it is. It's silly and stupid and really meant to be more of a writing exercise, but I liked it, so I decided you share it with you guys. Hope you enjoy it!

Based on this prompt:

Story below the break!

He had a problem.

Okay, that was wrong. It wasn't a problem, so much as an issue. Just a tiny, little issue that can be fixed in an instant. There was no reason to panic. No reason at all.

The flame reached the cabinet.

Nevermind, it was time to panic. He scrambled off the floor and rushed for his phone. His fingers shook as he put in his password and searched his contacts. He clicked the first one he saw. The phone rang against his ear before he could have the thought to check who he had called. It was unnecessary, anyways, he would have recognized the slurring voice that answered from anywhere. 

"'ello?"

He lifted the phone from his ear to check the time. 1:32 am. Shit. Drew was going to kill him for waking her up so early. He couldn't back out now, though. The flames were charring the bottom of the cabinet now and he was definitely not getting his security deposit back. He took a deep breath, and braced for impact.

"So, we may have a problem."

"A problem?"

"Yeah."

"Let me guess. You caused it?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that–" He cut off with a yelp as the stove threw out more sparks. "Okay, I absolutely caused it and now I don't know how to fix it. Hello? Hello?" He dropped the phone from his ear, and his contact list stared back at him. He groaned and threw his head back against the wall. Of course she hung up on him. Of course. The fire beside him whooshed dramatically, but he was already getting sick of it. Dialing the number underneath Drew's, he lifted the phone to his ear and waited. 

Just as he heard another, "Josh?" in his ear, the glass besides the stove shattered, the sound echoing in the relatively small kitchen. "What the fuck was that?" the voice demanded. Trust Darryl to have his priorities in order.

"Hey, so you won't believe this, but we have another problem." The words barely left his mouth before he regretted it.

"No, no. WE don't have a problem. You have a problem, and I have an idiot who keeps getting into them." Josh tried to interrupt because he did not get into that many problems, but he was cut off.

"Please, there's a fire and I don't know what to do. They never went over this in high school."

 "What do you mean fire? Hell if I know what to do, pour water on it or something. Try calling Randy, he probably knows what to do." The call ended as the other glass on the counter exploded.

He decided to do as Darryl said and rushed to the sink. The handles were warm, but they still poured water, which was a blessing he'd take. Filling a cup, he threw the water at the fire, which absolutely did not help. Why was the fire getting bigger?

He did not sign up for this. He just wanted to do the right thing, and now he was in the middle of an inferno with no friends that wanted to help. Though Darryl did have one good point: Randy would probably be able to help with this. He designed kitchens, which was close enough. Scrolling to the 'R' section, he pressed on Randy's icon. 

The phone dialed for so long, he thought Randy wouldn't pick up, but a second before he was going to give up, Randy's voice filtered through the phone. "What do you want this time?" He was screaming into the phone, and the sound of deafening party music filtered through. Josh knew exactly where Randy was. He spent more time at Elizabeth's Bar than he did at home, which was amazing because he worked from home.

He didn't even try to soften the blow. "We've got a problem."

"And it's Tuesday, what's your point?" The response was immediate that it took a second for Josh to answer. The second was enough time for another person to join the conversation.

"What's happening over here?" Kevin asked. Of course Kevin was there. Randy rarely went anywhere without Kevin, especially Elizabeth's. He didn't understand what they did there all day. They could hardly pick up strangers after they declared their relationship exclusive. He wondered if they just sat at the bar all day and made friends. He almost laughed at the picture in his head. Randy with his thick leather jacket and cowboy boots chatting about the weather at the bar. Or Kevin stuttering through an explanation of planetary orbits. God, they were perfect for each other. The smell of burning wood brought him out of his semi-hysterical thoughts and back into the conversation, which hasn't progressed at all.

"Joshie's got a problem."

"Of course he does. Give me second, I'm not nearly drunk enough to listen to this yet." Josh heard Kevin order another round and Randy ask to double it. 

"Guys, not helping." The cabinets were definitely not fixable at this point. It was sunken in a way it hadn't been this morning. "Just, what do you know about putting out an oil fire?" His words met silence, the party music louder in the absence of voices. He could admit there was a better way to have said that, but he was in a bit of a hurry. The smoke was starting to choke, and the fire was still not any closer to being put out. "Hello?" he repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time today.

"Sorry, I thought I heard you say there was a fire." Josh winced. Kevin did not sound happy, and it was never a good day when Kevin wasn't happy.

"I know, I know, but there really isn't time for your lecture today, professor. Just, any suggestions 'cause my cabinets are not supposed to look like that. I tried throwing water on it, but I think it just got bigger." A sharp laugh came through the speakers, a harsh sound compared to Randy's other laughs. Josh winced again and hoped they'd help soon. He was in for a long lecture come tomorrow, but he had to see through tonight before he even started worrying about that. 

"You idiot, water's not going to help. It's fucking grease. Here, hold on, let me get Elizabeth, she'll probably know what to do. Elizabeth!" Josh had to hold the phone away from his ear from the sheer force of the yell. It somehow managed to overpower the noise of the ever-growing blaze beside him. After what seemed like an hour, but logically couldn't be more than a few minutes, Elizabeth's complaining became clear.

"What do you bums want? I've got a job, unlike you lazy sacks of shit." Her words produced the strongest image in his mind: a hip cocked to the side, hands lazily wiping at a cup that was mostly there for show, bushy red hair barely staying contained behind her head. He wondered if he was hallucinating from all the smoke. 

"Josh has a problem. Again." Which was unfair, he did not have that many problems. Everyone was over-exaggerating a bit too much, and Kevin was just angry about the broken mug from last week. He had no way of knowing that it was his favorite mug. 

"If you meant the leaky pipe under the sink, that's the solution to last week's problem. How he managed to get a chicken bone stuck in his pipe is a mystery I never plan to solve." Josh didn't even know there was a leaky pipe under his sink, but he'd have to take her word for it until the kitchen wasn't on fire.

When Randy didn't laugh at Elizabeth's weak attempt at a joke, Josh knew he was in the dog house. Literally soon, if someone doesn't help him with this fire. "His house is on fire."

Which, no. "Not my house, just my kitchen. My stove. The grease caught on fire, and now the fire won't go down."

Elizabeth let out a string of curses that were definitely not all English. He hadn't even known she spoke another language. The more you know.

The cabinet above the stove began to make creaking noises that sounded suspicious, and he really couldn't waste anymore time. "I swear I'll invite you all over tomorrow to yell at me, but I need a house to invite you, so could someone please tell me what to do."

"You idiot! What the fuck were you cooking at one in the morning? Don't answer that, numb-nuts." Josh wondered if he was that predictable or if Elizabeth had telepathic powers. "Did you turn the stove off?"

Josh scoffed lightly. "Of course I did. I'm not that stupid."

"I wouldn't say that." Josh really needed Kevin to let that mug go. An unhappy Kevin was an unhappy Randy and he couldn't take that kind of stress in his life. Especially not with a kitchen currently on fire.

"How big's the fire?" He needed to remember to send a gift basket to Elizabeth. Or maybe he should just pay his tab at the bar.

"Well my cabinet definitely needs to be replaced, but it hasn't reached the ceiling yet, so I'm calling it a win."

"You idiot," she repeated. "Spray it with a fire extinguisher."

The sudden laughter that boomed through the phone startled him, but he should have expected it. He really needed new friends, not friends who hung up on him or laughed while he faced death. Randy spoke through his chuckling, "You really think he has a fire extinguisher at his house? The only reason he had a stove is 'cause it came with the house. He'd buy takeout everyday if he had the money." He couldn't even deny it; he really did eat takeout for a month straight until he had run out of money and resorted to stealing food from his friends' fridges. More importantly, though, was that they were right about the fire extinguisher.

"Any of you guys got a spare extinguisher I can use?" If possible, the laughter got louder, and Josh could really use some support right now.

"You live like twenty minutes away, what good does that do you? Go to your neighbors, borrow his." God, he could kiss Elizabeth right now. Wait, nevermind, he definitely could not. He would pay his bar tab, though. "God, I'm surrounded by fucking idiots." 

"Okay, stay," he said to his inanimate phone before running out his front door to his neighbor Jeffrey's door. He knocked rapidly, and only realized the time when Jeffrey opened the door with a glare. His deadbolt stayed locked, but it felt more like it was protecting him than it was protecting Jeffrey.

"If you don't give me an acceptable reason for waking me up at one in the morning, I will shoot you right now."

He felt like a naughty student being stared down by the principal. "I, uh, I have a bit of a problem."

"Would shooting you solve the problem? No? Then leave." That was not an empty threat, as he had found out last year when he had needed sugar. The landlord was still angry about the bullet hole in the wall. Jeffrey started to close the door, but Josh stuck his foot against it. A horrible idea in hindsight when his foot got painfully squished between the door and the wall.

"Just, do you have a fire extinguisher?"

Jeffrey's brow furrowed. "A fire extinguisher? What for?"

"Extinguishing a fire." Jeffrey's stare held the promise of a thousand deaths.  All he wanted was to put out the fire in his kitchen, and now he was going to die.

The staring contest lasted another minute, a minute where he really thought he was going to die, but Jeffrey just disappeared into his apartment and came back with a shiny fire extinguisher in his hand. "If you burn down the building, I will make good on my promises." God, he really needed new friends.

Extinguisher in hand, he squared his shoulders and braced for battle. The door to his apartment had stayed open after he'd left, and the light from the fire illuminated the walls. Somehow, the cabinet had stayed stable despite its completely charred bottom, but its creaking noises were not hopeful. Ignoring the screaming from his phone, he aimed the nozzle at the fire and squeezed on the handles, bracing for kick-back. Nothing. The trigger wouldn't move, and the fire kept burning around him. He decided he was going to take a fire safety class after this. Maybe even get a fire extinguisher for the apartment.

The fire grew in size with a loud crack. He grabbed his phone off the counter, and put it up to his ear. "I think it's broken, it won't spray."

Elizabeth, as always, was the voice of reason. "Let me guess, you didn't pull the pin, did you?" He stayed silent, which was answer enough. It wasn't like he'd ever needed a fire extinguisher before. Or at least, he'd never had to be the one to use it. "There's a pin in the top, pull it out, then aim and spray." She was shouting again as the music around her grew louder. It almost felt like she was in another world, his own consisting only of the room around him and the fire blazing in front of him.

He found the pin with a victorious shout and pulled it out. He yelled out a thanks to the phone as he set it down again. He managed to hear Elizabeth's final shout to spray side-to-side, which seemed pretty specific, but he couldn't fault her advice now. The sudden burst of foam almost threw him off his feet, but he planted them wide and set to spraying the fire, which was much harder than he expected. The nozzle was ridiculously hard to control, so it took a minute of trying to get it aimed at the stove. 

The room was filling with shades of white, smoke and foam mixing in a weird combination that reminded him of flying through a cloud. He pressed on the handles as long as he could, until the foam came out uneven. He couldn't see any flames left, though he couldn't see much of anything in his kitchen. 

The counter and stove were invisible beneath the sea of foam. The cabinets, previously a dark brown, looked as white as the stove below it, though he could still see the charred black surface shining through. He panted, standing in the middle of his kitchen at one in the morning, wearing pajamas and staring at the ruined remains of his once clean stove. 

A buzzing from the counter drew his attention away from the cloud he'd created. Elizabeth had ended the call, and was now video calling him. He answered, not taking his eyes off the disaster in front of him. 

"How'd it go?" Randy's voice was light-hearted, but unexplainably gruff. It barely registered in his mind, and he flipped the camera. The foam seemed to have grown in the few seconds it had been there, and the entire countertop was hidden under it. Randy let out a low whistle. "Houston, we have a problem."

He felt a smile grow on his face. Maybe he was hysterical, maybe he breathed in too much smoke and foam, but nothing could stop the laugh that bubbled up his throat. Standing in the middle of a charred, foam-covered kitchen, a stupid, wide grin plastered on his face, he said, "You call it a problem, I call it a solution."

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Can I request a story about a girl that runs away from home angst angst angst! And then meets Andy and Bill but Bill has a gf but fights with her and he hits on the girl and maybe they even hook up but Bill is seen with his gf again and the girl feels stupid.... angst and smut and fluff. This might be like too much for one drabble. You are a 👸 and I 💕❤️😍🥰.

Gif is @godfreysteel

This is a really involved request so I’m breaking it into 2 parts. Here’s PART 1.....

Randi has been my best friend since Junior High. We had been attached at the hip, right up to a little over a year ago, when her Aunt died and left her a house in Hollywood. She moved out there, begging me to come but I had a perfect boyfriend that begged me not to go, and since he was a new doctor, it wasn't as easy to move for him. As soon as Randi left, he insisted I move in with him since he was worried about me living alone and my lease was up. He had such a pretty house it was tempting, but i still was hesitant. He said he understood and just loved me so much that he worried. I was actually very flattered he held me in such high regard. He was a gorgeous wealthy doctor, from a prominent family, and I was nothing special.

When he bought me an Afghan Hound puppy I named Danger, I was overjoyed. Since my apartments didn't allow dogs and he was hardly ever home to keep Danger company, it was only logical to move to his home. I didn’t think twice about it. And he was being so accomodating and enthusiastic, I couldn’t help but get affected by it. He told me to donate all my old stuff, and we’d get all new stuff together to start our new life. He was from a really rich family, so money was not an issue for him. He actually called it a non-issue, which as time progressed I learned was his way of saying it wasn't up for discussion.

Non-issues could be positive or negative talking points where he had made the decision for us. Most of the time, they benefited me, or appeared to be for my best interest. For instance; my job.

I actually had met my boyfriend at my job. I worked at a gym checking people in, but considering our turn over, I was often called in to cover or train new hires. His time was limited and he felt very strongly about spending what little free time he had together. The entire month, I’d been forced to come in for one reason or another, and although he made it clear his displeasure, he still surprised me with a wonderful 1 year anniversary gift of two weeks in Hawaii. I was so excited to go until my job informed me it wasn’t possible. When I told my boyfriend the news, he told me to give notice and I could find something else when we returned. It was a bit crazy and irresponsible, but I threw caution to the wind and he was so happy I had chosen him. The trip also made me miss my first week of school, but my boyfriend said that a little time off wouldn’t kill me and I had thought he was kidding and enrolled anyway, willing to just make up my lost week. Not having a job or any bills, would make it that much easier to catch up on.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I had someone that was truly in my corner. My friends thought I was the luckiest girl in the world and even I felt like it was insane, driving up to my huge home on a golf course, that I had decorated with my doctor boyfriends money. The fact he looked like a model only made it that much more surreal, eventhough he was a bit intense. Intense might be the wrong word. Possessive maybe? But I didn’t think of it as a negative, more as a flattering positive trait.

He worries about me, and liked to always be in contact with me. Since he was often in surgery or unable to answer the phone, it was imperative I answered when he called. When he called while I was in class, I knew he’d be upset I ignored his call, but I was sure he’d be ok once I was out and explained why I pressed send to voicemail.

As soon as I got out, I tried to call him repeatedly, but got no answer. This wasn’t entirely unusual, although most Monday’s, he was more readily available since only emergency surgeries happened mondays. I was shocked when I arrived home and found his Range Rover home. The front door was open ajar so I parked behind him and wandered inside. I wasn’t ready for what I’d find.

It looked as though we had been robbed. Furniture was thrown about, the 75” flat screen had been pushed over and smashed. Several decorative items were smashed to pieces. The more I looked around though, the more clear it became that nothing was missing. Just broken. We’d been vandalized!

My poor baby Danger was hiding under the dining room table and upon realizing I had entered, was overjoyed to see me. I bent down and embraced him, giving him ear scratches and loving on him thankful he was unharmed. Things could be replaced, but not your loved ones.

I looked up to see my boyfriend storm out of the office.

”thats fucking rich! You greet the dog before me.” he spat.

”what happened here?” I asked cautiously, slowly rising to my feet to give him a hug and a kiss. He was acting rather aggressively but I was sure he felt violated in a way, by someone coming in our home and destroying it.

”YOU FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME YOU FUCKING WHORE! I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU CANT JUST BE HAPPY WITH ME? YOU THINK I DONT KNOW WHY YOU WENT BACK TO SCHOOL?” he screamed at me.

I froze. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know where this was coming from and he was looking at me like he expected an answer. When I didn't answer he grabbed a lamp and threw it against the wall, and then made a beeline straight for me. I still was in shock so I just stood there, staring dumbly, expecting to get slapped or pushed, when I heard a low growl.

My skinny little brave Danger was standing between me and my boyfriend, trying to protect me. My boyfriend froze, looked down and started to laugh like a maniac. This reaction was far more unsettling than it sounds, and Danger and I grew more restless if that's possible. I all of a sudden had an overwhelming urge to get out of there. I wasn’t concerned or interested in trying to understand my boyfriends words or behavior, I just wanted to be away from him.

”I’m gonna go. Come on Danger, ” I said as I slowly backed away. I didn't want Danger to bite him, or get kicked or something, and make an already volatile situation even worse.

”Hang on, just a moment. Can you answer me one question before you walk out of my life?” he asked me in a tone I’d never heard, dripping with sarcasm.

Normally I'd say you already asked it, but I didn't feel now was the time for jokes. I desperately wanted to leave but I wasn’t an idiot, and knew that playing along with an obviously bat shit ass crazy person, was safer than pissing them off more.

“Go ahead.”

”Do you know what the best thing about being a doctor is?”

I wasn't expecting that question and almost automatically answered with ”saving lives.”

He chuckled darkly, sending a chill up my spine. How was this the same man? How had I missed the potential lunatic that obviously was just beneath the surface? Lost in thought, I cried out when he suddenly lunged forward and seized Danger. Danger yelped, followed by the most awful crunching sound I’ll never forget. Dangers gangly little body, instantly fell limply to the ground and all I could do was stare in utter horror.

I looked up into his eyes and I didn’t even know who I was looking at. This was just incomprehensible to me. My mind kept spinning in circles, unable to grasp the situation at hand.

My boyfriend stepped over Dangers lifeless body and pulled me into a tight embrace. He sniffed my hair and growled in my ear, before biting me on my neck hard. I cried out and He chuckled before grabbing me by my hair, and dragging me in the restroom, where he made me flush my birth control pills.

“You’re going to marry me and be my perfect little housewife, and never hurt me again.” He cooed in my ear.

When I didn’t say anything he grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at him. I couldn’t get what he’d done to Danger out of my head and was terrified. He could see it in my eyes, but the look of concern and empathy he gave me made me want to scream. “I love that idea. I’m just sad about Danger.”

In reality, I wanted to vomit, but I let him lead me to the bed to lie down, trying to think of any way to escape. I was convinced I really would vomit if he tried to fuck me. He kissed me gently on the forehead and breathed a huge sigh.

“Will you feel better if I do something with the body? I promise to get you whatever dog you want to replace him, but with us about to have a family, we can’t have an aggressive dog. You understand right baby?”

I nod as he rubs my cheek, looking in my eyes adoringly. He tells me to sit tight while he takes care of Danger, and he’ll be right back.

I wait a beat and peer downstairs at him and watch as he puts Danger into a big black trash bag, and I wait till he goes into the garage before running downstairs. I didn’t care about any of my belongings, I just needed to get to my car.

I grabbed my purse, and I ran. I got in my car and pulled away just as he was running out trying to open my door. Thank God it lockswhen you put it into Drive. I drove off watching him in the rearview mirror running back inside. My phone started blowing up, and I became aware of location capabilities with cell phones so I threw it out the window. Looking back, that was a bit overzealous, but I was terrified.

Somehow I found myself on the highway and didn't stop till I reached Hollywood. I'd been to the house before, and thank goodness by the grace of God remembered how to get to Randi.

I told her everything and she insisted that I was home. She’d just been hired for a big horror film and she said I could be her assistant. She was supposed to meet the director the following morning and shed just bring me along, to introduce us. She was positive he’d hire me on too, so I was amped.

When she told me it was filming in Canada, I was even more enthusiastic. My ex knew Randi lived in Hollywood, so going away a few months to another country was ideal. That way when he inevitably went looking for me, he wouldn't be able to find me, and hopefully would give up.

The next morning Randi shared all her things with me to get ready. We are the same size shoe and since we are both thin, I can fit in her clothing for the most part. I’m taller and bustier, but for the most part, we can share.

I’m not very high maintenance, so the extent of my beauty routine is shower, brush my hair, light make up, and a spray of body spray or something, and I’m good. Randi said I could have a maxi dress since it had always been too long for her to wear, and was too form fitting for her taste.

I was surprised how close we were to the studios, and arrived in no time. Security gave us a little map and instructed us how to get to where we were supposed to go. I had never been to a movie studio, so I was as bad as a tourist looking around. We arrived at the proper building to find a photo shoot underway.

“There he is.” Randi said, pointing out a tall dark haired gentlemen in his late thirties, early forties, having an obvious problem with something. He turned and saw us and did a double take. He made a beeline for us with an enormous smile eventhough you could tell he was having a bad day. I liked him right away.

“Today has been a disaster, we have done all we can do without the model. She’s an hour late! Bill has limited time in LA, and it’s not like the man doesn’t have obligations.” He ranted at no one in particular.

I nodded with a sympathetic look on my face, although I had no idea who Bill was.

“Who have you brought us Randi?”

“Andy this is my best friend Liv. Liv this is our new boss, Andy. And this is a photo shoot for a magazine to promote Something Bill is doing, and Andy is his best friend so he’s here to complain.” Randi teased.

“I’m also good friends with the photographer and we are supposed to have lunch after this. Can you excuse me? Do not move. I’m serious.” Andy said and then rushed away

“He couldnt take his eyes off you! He’s not usually so obvious. He’s usually the most chill guy,” Randi mused.

“He’s just stressed out and I mean maybe I look familiar.” I guessed.

“Oh sure. It has nothing to do with being a living breathing Barbie. Old school big titty Barbie.” Randi chuckled.

Andy and a petite lady hussled over to us, and the lady grabbed me by my face and pulled me down to examine my features. She smiled and turned to Andy happily.

“Oh meu deus Andy! Como você encontrou um em tão pouco tempo? Ela é ainda melhor que a falecida! Ela é exatamente o que eu imaginava. ela é a mesma taxa? diga a ela para se preparar.” She tapped her wrist and rushed off.

“What just happened?” I asked.

“I hope you don’t mind, but you’re first job is right now. She said you were exactly what she envisioned for this shoot, and you need to go to hair and make up immediately.” Andy pleaded, putting his hands together in a prayer pose.

“WHAT? Oh no! I’m not a model. I never want to be famous.” as my stomach did backflips and I felt like the air had left the room.

“That’s something you don’t hear very often in this town but It pays $7500 and I’d owe you one.”

“$7500 to take a couple pictures? I’m wearing clothes right?” I have no desire to be in this industry, but I wasn’t crazy either! As long as I’m not naked, I’m game.

Andy let out a whole hearted laugh, “you’re wearing a gown even. Not that type of party. And you’re taking pictures with the star of the movie you’ll be working on with us. You did want to be Randi’s assistant correct?

I nodded vigorously, and got a thumbs up from Randi. Everything was falling into place! ”lead the way then sir!”

His face lit up and he led the way over to a room that had more make up in it then I’d ever seen. As soon as I walked in, three people pounced on me. One attacked my hair, saying they needed to straighten it, although it was straight. They set to work, raving about they could not believe I had so much hair, and that I was an actual natural blonde. When I told them I was growing it long to donate to cancer kids, they nearly fell over.

“Do you know how much thick natural blonde hair that reaches the lower back is worth?” The hairstylist exclaimed. “And your hair is silky and healthy, girl keep it.”

“I’ll just grow more. No biggie.”

“I think that’s very nice. Good for you, people should be so kind.” The girl working on my nails said, smiling warmly up at me.

“I can’t wait to see where your career goes!” The gentleman doing my make up surmised. “You are a true natural beauty.”

“I’m not doing any more of these. I don’t want to be famous, I just am doing it for Andy.” They all looked at me skeptically, but set to getting me where the photographer needed me to be. As the time pressed on, I could feel my self nodding off, but suddenly movement caught my eye. I couldn’t turn my head, but noticed a gorgeous man glaring at me in the mirror. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been there.

“If It were up to me, you’d never work again. Do you have anything to say for your disrespect?” The tall, statuesque man, with strikingly handsome facial features, and the greenest eyes I’d ever seen sneered.

”I literally just got hired forty five minutes ago and have no issue with never modeling again anyways. I'm doing this as a favor, for my new boss. Thanks for being a dick tho. Everyone has been such a joy, I was starting to think Hollywood had a bad rep for nothing.”

Everyone in the room was silent and all looked to the man for a reply.

”whos your new boss?” he inquired.

”I don’t feel comfortable giving his name to strange men, and since he’s a director it’ll sound like I’m name dropping and I’m not the type.” I said waving my hand dismissively.

He chuckled and rolled his bright green eyes. ”i think you're talking about my good friend Andy Muschetti. Does that sound right?”

”give this man a prize!” I joked. “Please don’t get me fired best friend. Are you Bill by chance?”

“You think I wear a tuxedo and bedazzle my face before i leave the house in the regular?” He asked incredulously.

I looked down at my lap so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone.

I looked back up to the beautiful man, but he’d disappeared. I wasn’t surprised he was kind of an ass. Gorgeous men often are, I just hoped he wasn’t going to go talk shit.

A short time later they were done and had me put on a Zuhair Murad dress that was was worth more than my car. It was a beautiful charcoal velvet that looked like it’d been custom made for me. I couldn’t believe how awesome I looked, and ran out to find Randi, only being allowed to wave before they lead me to take my solo shots.

I looked around for the beautiful man, and found him standing next to a brunette woman, having a tense conversation, that was very quickly turning into an argument. He was trying to keep her calm, but she was not happy in the least, and I gasped when she struck him. Embarrassed, I put my full attention on the person translating instructions from the photographer, refusing to look back over at them, even as they began yelling at each other in some strange language. Did no one speak English here? He stormed outside with the woman hot on his trail.

“Ok someone go find Bill, we are just about ready for him.” My translator yelled, and I saw Andy and Randi, briskly walk outside to find him.

I felt kinda bad for snapping at him. I was going to be as nice as possible to him. Maybe I had judged him too harshly.

“Perfect honey! Sad confused, not sure look honey! Yes!” Several more people had shown up and were all talking about me like I wasn’t there.

Bill walked up looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, and looked down his cute little button nose at me. I know he was trying to be stuck up, but he was so fucking cute, I just wanted to boop his nose.

“Where do you want me?” He huffed.

“I need you to come up behind her, and embrace her around the waist, with one hand by her face. Sweetie you stand sideways with your back to Bill and look up arching your back a bit.” We were told as we got in our places. He was humming some unidentifiable tune in my ear. I was trying not to think about his hand on my waist, or his hot breath on my neck. I wasn’t sure if the bright lights were the only thing making me sweat.

“Touch up! They’re sweating!” Someone shouted.

“Do I make you sweat princess?” Bill growled.

“No.” I squeaked.

He firmly pulled me against him and when he felt me stiffen up, he chuckled mischievously.

I moaned sexually, causing him to sputter and cough a bit. I turned around grinning ear to ear. “Don’t start no stuff, won’t be no stuff.” I said playfully. I normally am not so confident, but his semi inappropriate behavior and the way he looked at me made me feel strange. Good strange I was pretty sure. He didn’t break our eye contact for far longer than was polite, before taking some hair and tucking it behind my ear tenderly.

“Bill stop giving this poor girl goosebumps! My Lord! And I’m not sure if you guys are aware of how obvious a moment you guys are having in front of all these people. One of them being your crazy girlfriend Bill.” He said as he touched us up. “I mean you’re both some of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen so I can’t blame either one of you, but thought I’d let you know.”

“It’s not me, its all the people staring at how gorgeous she is,” Bill scoffed.

“I doubt your girlfriend likes how you’re looking at her either. Normally I’d stay out of it, but you’re good people Bill, and I keeps it real with my people.”

“I told her it’s over, didn’t you hear us a few minutes ago?” He sneered. He winked and walked away.

“What a weird guy,” I mused aloud.

“Gorgeous though right? Every girl that meets him wants to fuck him but he’s always had a girlfriend. I’ve seen them fight a few times, but today is the first time he’s ever yelled. They’re Swedish so I don’t think they yell very often. ”

“I just got out of a terrible relationship yesterday so I feel his pain.”

“I’ve worked with him for years and have never seen him give anyone a second glance and yet today he can’t take his eyes off you.” He smirked.

“I’ve destroyed my lungs proficiently, she looks perfect, if you could just give me the once over, we can be done before lunch.” Bill said as he walked towards us. He plopped down in the chair beside me and squeezed my hand. “Please forgive my behavior up until now. It’s been a stressful day and flirting has never been my strong suit.”

I looked at him and he appeared to be sincere. I smiled weakly and told him I hadn’t even thought he’d been out of line. He’d put some space in between us when we returned to shooting, and was exceedingly respectful and careful. One of The last shots, they wanted me to be on my knees in front of him, reaching my hands up looking to the side, putting my face right against his crotch.

“I apologize in advance,” he drawled. At first I was confused why he was apologizing, but it became all too clear, the longer my face was pressed to his growing bulge. He shifted uncomfortably, and looked down at me as tho he was in pain. I mouthed the words ‘it’s ok’ and smiled up at him and that seemed to help him a great deal, although not so far as tame his prominent erection. I was actually firmly pressing my face against it now, to save him the embarrassment of his issue, and assuring we don’t have to stretch this out longer than needed. I’m sure It was all very artistic looking but it was hard not to laugh at how not artistic it felt. I looked to Randi, she was smiling with two thumbs up, blissfully unaware that I was battling Bills dick.

“Okay! The final shot is going to be her standing facing Bill but twisting her upper body away, facing the other way, while Bill I need you to press your body into hers with one hand at her chin with your thumb on her lower lip. Her eyes are closed and yours are fierce Bill. Determined but not angry.”

I felt my face heat up as we tried to do as we were instructed. This was all too much, I couldn’t help but giggle. I apologized and tried to look sexy again.

“No smiling honey. You’re a desirable sex goddess, and he wants you, but you know you shouldn’t.” The translator instructed passionately.

“It’s not too much of a stretch,” Bill said quietly so only I could hear. I felt my face flush and blush at the same time, if that’s even possible.

I heard that mischievous chuckle again, and it took all I had in me, not to knee him in his gut. I refused to look at him though. I don’t think I could handle it anyway. Far too much man-pretty had his body pressed against mine.

“Psst.”

I’m going to kill this guy. I’m not looking.

“Are you ignoring me?” He whispered.

“Ok so then I guess that’s a yes.” He hummed.

He was impossible. I’m trying to maintain bitch face and he’s asking dumb questions and making various sound effects! I must say tho, for just having a pretty public break up, he was in a good mood.

When it finally was over, and Bill and I set off to change our clothes and get some make up off, I was surprised to see they’d all left already. The make up I was wearing felt more like ear paint, and soap and water wasn’t having too much of an effect on it.

“You look so helpless, can I help you?” I turned to see Bill standing there looking at me like I was pitiful. “I have make up remover pads.”

“Oh my goodness thank you!” I smiled. “You’re my hero.”

“Can I?” He asked, referencing using the pads on my face.

“Sure.” I said, eventhough I wasn’t sure why he wanted to do it. He was so gentle, I closed my eyes and waited till I was sure he was done. Europeans have way different personal boundaries than Americans, so this was probably normal.

“What’s your name?”

“Liv.”

“What’s that short for?”

“Nothing. That’s my whole name.”

“Me too! I mean my name is Bill obviously but people always think it’s short for something but nope.” He chuckled. “You didn’t really even need any face make up. Your skin is flawless.i left your eye make up on but it looks pretty epic.”

I opened my eyes and we locked eyes for a moment, but Randi came bounding in the room, causing Bill to leap away from me. Randi didn’t appear to notice tho, as Andy and a few other people came in too.

“Everyone ready to eat. I insist that everyone let me buy them lunch at Morton’s.” Andy said.

Randi grabbed my hand and mouthed if I was ok, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Ok maybe she had picked up on something. I looked at her like she was crazy, and avoided looking in Bills direction again.

“Let’s go eat! I’m famished!” I said.

“You girls are coming? Yay!” Andy said enthusiastically. “Most models aren’t big fans of food.”

“She eats whatever she wants and doesn’t go to the salon or have any work done. Just keep her fed and she’s beautiful and sweet. Try to starve her and she’s the definition of hangry.” Randi teased.

I laughed till my face hurt as she told everyone about a party in highschool where everyone brought their own booze, but I brought a gallon of milk and a pound of Oreos and actually finished them. Late that evening, everyone wanted Jack in the Box and since I was the only sober person, I got nominated to drive. It was pretty uneventful, until I turned to get everyone’s money and they were all nude. Randi did a perfect imitation of my total over reaction. Thank god she left out the part about me crying. I really thought we were going to get arrested and they refused to put their clothes back on, so I thought any minute I’d hear sirens. Luckily the drive thru people thought it was hilarious too.

We all made our way out to where everyone was parked, and found Bills girlfriend waiting there. As we pulled out, I looked back in time to see Bill march past her, climb in his car, leaving her standing alone in the parking lot yelling something after him.

“Did you see that? What’s their deal?” I asked Randi.

“Who?” She asked me.

“Bill and I guess that’s his ex-girlfriend or I don’t know...”

I look at Randi and she’s looking at me funny, “Are you crazy? You need a nice guy, he’s like foreign and he’s a celebrity. And I know you, you’re not a rebound type and both of you have no business looking at each other like you were.”

“Oh my gosh! I’m not even asking like that. Last thing I want is a guy!” I sulked. “Was it that obvious?”

“Mmmhmm.” She smiled knowingly.

“He’s around beautiful women all the time and probably has 9 million fan girls. It’s not like he’s gonna follow me in the bathroom or something.”

Randi looks at me doubtfully.

“Don’t look at me like that! If he does, I’ll kick him.”

“I’m kidding. Actors only go for girls that throw themselves at their feet. Their egos don’t allow the risk of rejection.”

“Perfect. I hate feet.”

[cynthiaandsamus]

tell us of sexy Laura times.

“Oh heavens there’s a lot. I’ve had to flirt my way out of a couple hairy situations after being captured. Luckily anyone that’s ever captured me has also been stupid enough to fall for it. Not to mention rather randy times I’ve had with a few of the animals guarding various tombs, there’s that octopus story which has become pretty famous but fewer know about the big cats and guard dogs that have mounted me in the past... and of course there’s always times when I’ve been out in the wilderness for weeks and just come home and fuck the nearest person or thing as soon as I get off the plane...”

[hazza-bear-care]

Babie Crue (5/?)

Description: After everything that happened with Roxy, Cam attempts to freeze Tommy out of her life. Nikki tries to explain how bad of an idea that is, but Cam won’t listen. In an attempt to make Cam and Tommy open up to each other, the rest of the band lock them in a closet Seven Minutes in Heaven style. 

~~~~~~~

The bus pulled over at a gas station. As the driver got up to exit, so did Roxy. She attempted to buy some sort of sympathy by grabbing her stuff as slowly as she could while looking over her shoulders with a pitiful excuse for puppy-dog eyes. No one would look at her. Nikki’s attention was held by Grace, who babbled happily as the bassist bounced her on his knees. Vince was still in the back of the bus comforting Cam, Mick was suddenly occupied in the nothingness going on outside, and Tommy was glaring at Roxy as she moved gingerly. When she finally gathered the minimal stuff she had: a simple weekender bag overflowing with skanky clothes, no underwear, enough lipstick to choke a medium sized dog, and her purse, Roxy turned one last time to look over her shoulder. This time, Mick was looking directly at her. Roxy couldn’t help but feel slightly hopeful about what was possibly going to come out of the guitarist’s mouth, but her hope was quickly shattered as Mick raised his hand, his middle finger sticking straight up. 

“See ya later!” Mick exclaimed, a slight smile on his face. Nikki couldn’t help but let out a slight chuckle as Roxy slammed the door closed behind her. Shortly after Tommy’s latest fling left, Vince emerged from the back of the bus. 

“Is she still mad?” Nikki asked as the singer scooped Grace out of his lap and sat next to Mick 

“Oh she’s furious but I talked her into taking a nap with the promise that we’d look after Gracie. She also made me promise not to use her as chick bait, at least for tonight.” Everyone except Tommy laughed. The drummer’s mind was still reeling from the slap that Cam shot across his face and for the life of him, he couldn’t understand what had hurt Cam so much. Tommy had never laid a hand on a woman, and he never would again. He knew he couldn’t blame it on the half pound of coke he had snorted, and he couldn’t blame it on Roxy (even though the bitch got what she deserved). 

“Tommy!” Vince yelled, snapping the drummer out of his thoughts. “Did you hear what I said man?”

“No, man. Didn’t catch it, sorry.” Tommy muttered, turning his attention back to the world blurring past his window. 

“I asked you how your shoulder and face were. Need to go to the hospital or something?” Vince repeated, slight worry etched onto his face. Tommy knew Vince was just as fucked up as the rest of them were, yet when the situation called for it, he could sober up faster than either of them. 

“I’m fine, Vinnie. Just peachy.” Tommy spat back to the singer. In fact, he wasn’t okay: he just got stabbed in the fucking shoulder and slapped within the last half hour. His shoulder was killing and his mind was racing a million miles a minute in a futile attempt to figure out his next plan of action. Deciding to pass the time the best way he knew, Tommy closed his eyes to try to get a few hours of peace.

~~~~~~~

“Hey, Vinnie. Wow you got her to sleep?! You’re pretty good with a baby.” Cam remarked as she walked into the common area, gawking at Vince’s superpower.

“Better than Nikki?” Vince asked, a cheeky smile spreading across his face as Nikki threw a crumpled piece of paper towards the singer. 

“Mmm, not quite, but definitely better than Ozzy.” Cam smiled, taking a seat next to Nikki. 

“You good?” The bassist asked, trying his best to keep a sleeping Tommy out of the conversation.

“No, but I will be. Thanks, Sixx. How is he?” Cam asked, nodding her head in the direction of Tommy.

“Not much better. Keeps zoning out. Passed out not too long ago, actually.” Mick explained, strumming some chords onto his leather pants. 

“Do you think, when you forgive him of course, you’ll ever tell him how you feel?” Nikki questioned. 

“W-what do you mean, Nikki?” Cam stuttered. 

“Come on! Everyone can see that you’re in love with him!”

“Everyone except Tommy, apparently.” What they were saying was true: Cam was head over heels for her drummer best friend. When she wasn’t on the bus, she opted to sleep in Tommy’s old Pink Floyd shirt, his scent extracted from it long ago. She was eternally grateful for everything he and his family had done for her and Grace over the past months, but after today, Cam wasn’t going to risk falling in love again. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him, guys. Today was pretty intense, especially for Roxy. Vince, you saw my freak out; do you think I should forgive him?” Cam questioned, hoping the singer would back her on this. 

“I think you should. We both have known the guy since high school, and if I remember correctly, you’ve forgiven him for a lot worse than something like this.” Cam rolled her eyes. 

“Even with a single beer in your systems, you’ve all stopped thinking rationally. I mean coke is a hell of a drug, but at least you guys would see both sides of the story before jumping to conclusions! Gimme my kid, Vince.” Cam ordered angrily, standing from her seat.

“No, Cam. Grace is fine where she is! Sit down and let’s talk about this, okay?” Mick ordered causing everyone to jump. Cam slowly sat back down and stared at her hands. Mick rarely yelled at anyone, let alone when Grace was around. 

“He deserves to know Cam. It’s your responsibility, but if you don’t tell him, we will.” Cam nodded as everyone tried to explain. 

“I deserve to know what?” Tommy’s sleepy voice rasped from behind everyone, Cam jumping at the sound of it. 

“Nothing, Tommy. You don’t deserve to know anything.” Cam spat, removing herself from the stressful situation. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Tommy, but the small confines of the bus physically made that dream impossible. Cam settled on the floor, her back against the door as her fingers went through her hair in frustration. 

“What the fuck was that about?” Tommy asked after Cam had once again isolated herself from the band. 

“Nothing. Just give her some time and she should come around soon.” Mick explained gruffly while taking a swig of his vodka. Stupidly, Tommy decided to trust that answer.

 ~~~~~~~

When the bus finally stopped, Tommy was the first person off. Nikki and Vince followed, leaving Mick to help Cam gather Grace’s toys and books that barely occupied the baby on long road trips. 

“I agree with Vince, ya know. I strongly believe you should talk to Tommy. Not about your feelings, but about what happened between him and Roxy. He needs a friend to be there for him.” Mick offered as he bounced Grace in his arms, watching as Cam packed everything into a spare backpack. She couldn't help but roll her eyes, already tired of everyone’s advice. 

“Mick, you don’t understand! I’ve trusted and will continue to trust Tommy with not just my life, but Gracie’s as well. But somewhere I have to draw the line. He fucking punched her, Mick! You were there! And you’re still choosing to defend him! Gimme my kid and leave me alone for the rest of the night. All of you!” Mick quickly but gently handed Grace off to her mother and the pair stomped off the bus. Cam attempted to avoid the roadies who were unpacking suitcases and throwing them towards a luggage cart, but she knew that if she waited for her luggage, she’ d have to talk to Doc. She really didn’t want to do that tonight. 

“Randy, could you hand me my suitcase? I don’t really want to associate with anyone in or responsible for Motley Crue more than I have to.” Cam explained. 

“Sure thing, sweets. What happened?” Randy asked, digging around the bottom of the bus for the only pink suitcase amongst a sea of black. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, right now. I’ll tell you some other time, okay?” Randy simply nodded and handed over the suitcase. Cam shot him a grateful smile as she adjusted Grace on her hip and hoisted the suitcase into her hands. She made her way to the hotel and almost instantly bumped into Doc. 

“I heard what happened. Here’s your key.” Doc handed Cam the key to her room and escorted her to the elevator. 

“Am I on the same floor as them?” Cam asked sadly as they waited for the elevator to reach the lobby. 

“Only because it was already paid for, Cam. If this fight had happened before we had situated anything, you better believe you and Grace would be on a different floor.” Doc explained. Cam nodded as a farewell and stepped into the elevator, tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t want to be mad, especially at her best friends, but they were getting into something they couldn’t begin to wrap their minds around. 

~~~~~~~

As Cam got ready for the show, mostly because her job revolved around it, she mentally prepared for the showdown that awaited her. Grace sat in front of her mom on the bathroom counter, a makeup brush in her chubby hands. Cam smiled as she continued to get ready, a single hand resting on Grace’s stomach to ensure her safety. A loud knock on her door caused both mother and daughter to jump, the sound unexpected. Cam hoisted Grace to her hip and went to answer the door, only to be met with Nikki and Vince.

“Nikki? Vince? Why aren’t you at the venue? Soundcheck should be starting soon.” Cam questioned. In the blink of an eye, Grace was snatched out of Cam’s arms as the mother was thrown over Nikki’s shoulder. Cam screamed and threshed in Nikki’s grasp, but the bassist wouldn’t budge. They stopped at a janitor’s closet and shoved the young mother into the cramped area, locking the door before she could escape. 

“This isn’t fucking funny, guys! Let me out!” Cam whined through the door. 

“No! Everyone told you not to avoid Tommy, but you did it anyway. Now you both don’t leave until some apologizing’s been done!”

“Both?” Cam questioned softly, turning to meet Tommy, the drummer slumped against some shelves. 

“They got you too, huh?” Tommy asked, silently chuckling. Cam nodded and looked at her shoes, which unfortunately were her fuzzy bunny slippers. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freeze you out and avoid you. You’re just so infuriating sometimes; and when you slapped Roxy, I thought you were going to come after me next. I just got away from that life, Tommy. I don't want to go through that again.” As Cam spoke, tears fell from her eyes. She slid down the door and sobbed into her hands. Tommy’s heart shattered. 

“No, baby. I’m the one who should be sorry. I wanted to save you; I promised I would. The way you looked at me after you dealt with Roxy, I thought you’d never talk to me again, let alone look at me. I thought you and Gracie would be on the next plane back to LA to live with my parents again. I don’t want to lose you...either of you.” Tommy pulled Cam into his lap as she cried harder at his words. She had felt so worthless during her time with Dev, and hearing all the words Tommy was saying made her feel like the queen she deserved to be.  

“I love you, Cam.” Tommy kissed her hairline as Cam gripped him tighter. 

“I love you too, Tommy.” He adjusted her face to where he could see it and he swiped his thumbs under Cam’s eyes, wiping away her tears and runny mascara. Her eyes fluttered closed at Tommy’s touch, which made the drummer’s next action easier.  

He closed the space between them with a kiss. While not very hard or urgent, Tommy poured all of his emotions into it, his hands gripping Cam’s face gently. Cam kissed back, heart pounding against her chest. When they pulled away, they both stared into each other’s eyes and smiled, Tommy’s thumbs rubbing Cam’s cheeks gently. 

“Am I forgiven?” Tommy asked softly. Cam smiled and nodded, quickly kissing her drummer again. 

“Abso-fucking-lutely, Tommy. Come on, you have a show to get to.” Cam replied, quickly standing from her place on Tommy’s lap. Hand in hand, the pair made their was out of the closet and smiled when Nikki and Vince cheered,  and Grace clapped her hands with a huge smile on her face. 

~~~~~~~

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought of this! Love ya! 

Tags: @kellysimagines

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.18 Thoughts *Spoilers*

First of all, I have not seen Riverdale in like a million years because it has just gotten so crazy and stupid and I’m sick of Bughead and Hiram for some reason going after his daughter for one stupid thing and it’s just repetitive and boring. Like, I have watched SO many greater shows since I just stopped caring to watch, but I heard that Bughead will break up and Jeronica might become actual friends, and that Hiram is arrested, and shit like that, plus the first episode of the fourth season is a tribute to Luke so I feel obligated to catch up before then to watch it. Either way I hate not finishing a season, especially after watching it for two whole seasons now, so… enjoy my technically not-spoilers since it’s been out for awhile thoughts on this episode of Riverdale! P.S. Bare with me if I have forgotten anything since it’s been awhile.

- AWW NO I REMEMBER THIS THOUGH, POOR BABY TEETH :( He was such an adorable little shit he didn’t deserve this.

- Oh yeah FP is the Sheriff… and Jughead is at a crime scene even though he should not be allowed there (Even if the gang is like… sheriff’s in training or whatever the fuck) Still not sure how I feel about FP, and I can’t wait for my rightful queen Toni to rip the serpents from Jughead’s cold dead hands (even though he’s obviously not dead)

- God damn Betty and Edgar again… she still bothers me. Does she realize that looking up his name might not get her anywhere because he’s not famous and therefore won’t have anything on him? I mean yeah maybe small town shit but like she’s acting like twenty million pages of him and his cult should be on the web.

- He walked in the desert to die? Psh alright… sounds stupid as fuck. He acts like farming opened his eyes to how beautiful life is like… chill bruh it’s not that amazing. I mean, it is, but he’s making it out to be like this BIG BIG thing when it’s not… burying and watering seeds doesn’t make you feel reborn.

- Betty had a point about it not telling her about how her mom can see Charles (even though I know he’s alive lolol we all knew)

- Oh yeah Archie got that one place from Hiram… but that dumb bitch asking how they can honor Baby Teeth as if he doesn’t know that you could simply just… stay silent for a few minutes to mourn, or shit like that. But my boy Mad Dog can also dedicate his next match to him too lol

- Fucking Elio NOBODY LIKES HIM OR THE STORYLINES HE BRINGS. LIKE HIRAM.

- My baby Veronica!!! Love my queen. CHERYL!!!!!!!!!!!! MY OTHER QUEEN. FANGS MY WHITE COVERED BABY!!!! Poor Toni watching her gf be hypnotized by a fucking cult

- Oh good a horrible plan from Jughead that will probably induce Betty to do something stupid and awful and then pretend like she can do it because she’s Betty Cooper… can’t wait…

- Like, they could have tried it out with Fangs/Kevin because they KNOW that Midge is dead.

- YES TONI GO AFTER BETTY FOR USING HER COUSIN. YOU FUCKING GO BABY

- Betty still has that video lol wow what a conniving bitch of a cousin she is. She said she deleted it, and they’re trying to make it out to be a good thing that she lied about a video…

- Veronica my queen,,, I hate that they tie her to Elio’s annoying bitch ass.

- That body does not fucking look like Baby Teeth,,, anyways

- I mean a human could do that lol you just mean that they don’t have a care for anyone. If this weren’t human, they would be like burned from the inside or some insane shit like that… stop being dramatic doc

- What kind of crack… HE TAKES TWO SWINGS AT FP AND THEN STOPS SO FP CAN FUCKING HIT HIM LOLOLOL WOW

- Alice! I miss the old her, before the writers decided to try and destroy her. But lmao this news broadcast tho

- Still can’t believe that they made out Betty and her father’s budding relationship a good thing. The fucking… WHAT? Why? How? Literally stop. Thank GOD Hiram or Penelope ends up murdering his ass…

- FP, THE SHERIFF, SHOULD NOT BE TALKING ABOUT THIS CRAZY SHIT TO HIS FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SON

- GOD I mean I get it, Cheryl needs to be brought back but that would be too convenient wouldn’t it… I’m sorry it’s fabricated??? Omfg “have you ever hugged Jason?” CHERYL’S PAUSE. SHE GOT TO HER FOR A SECOND GUHFADSBFKSFHAKSJ

- If this didn’t work with Cheryl, this won’t work with Alice. But Betty doesn’t communicate with people so she wouldn’t know. Also, there’s no date on it so like… she’s bad at making Charles’ gravestone look real. Like, I already know that she’s undercover with the FBI with Charles bc yeah but like… why wouldn’t they just loop Betty in? She could finally back off and stop getting into people’s business.

- AH THERE’S THE STUPID BETTY COOPER ACTION THAT IS NEVER NECESSARY TO ANYTHING!!! Fucking Betty, you chloroform your fucking mom???

- Archie basically calling himself Jughead… ew… Jughead could never

- I know it’s going to happen but I don’t want Varchie to get back together.

- SHE EVEN FUCKING CUFFED HER TO THE BED OH MY FUCKING GOD send Betty to an actual psychiatric hospital far away, not only because then she won’t be in the fucked up town of Riverdale and actually get help, but because then the show could actually give other actors more screen time

- This literally seems like an evil villain showing the hero their backstory… also Alice gotta point she got the news job because of the farm. Betty we know you never think things through, just stop you’re soo fucking bad. Why does her crying for Betty’s 8th grade graduation mean that she’s not who she is now? That has NOTHING to do with her at the farm??????????? Why does she say “that was the past” like it changes nothing why you acting like it does?

- Betty all of your points really are so traumatic for Alice. Like, yeah I get it you and Polly were raised there but she married a fucking murderer and yet this is all about you. I mean, it makes sense but they make Betty push it so hard that I root against her.

- If I were Alice, I’d be so fucking horrified of my daughter. Like, she has done so much shit to her, and yeah Alice has done bad things too but at least she’s being brainwashed (? bc she’s undercover and not able to get out of her cover?) Betty should not be so okay with fucking chloroforming her own mother.

- Betty really acting like this is all on her huh…. I mean literally bring other people into the plot it’s not that hard to actually make it interesting and share the screen time

- Ummmm alright. Also why would you let her take “G” or whatever the fuck??? ALSO JUGHEAD WHY THE FLYING FUCK DON’T YOU TELL YOUR DAD THAT IT’S YOUR FUCKING MOM???

- Evelyn get the FUCK away from Toni. THE ICONIC LINE “Bitch, I love her.” fsjdkhfhaskjfdhsf

- MAD DOG!!! Of course Randy is taking drugs. I mean, that’s cheating so just tell the news and get him disqualified and you win… easy. My boy is NOT taking drugs.

- JELLYBEAN!!!! AND RICKY!!!! I mean yeah they’re both little shits but uhhh that’s kinda sweet

- Lmao how did she start burning those pictures tho… I mean good for her but like… how?

- Betty… threatening to kill someone is NOT a good thing. Get some fucking help. Like, she’s not even scary. Does no one remember how sweet she used to be? I’d be so fucking concerned for her.

- Ew, kombucha? Cheryl, the farm doesn’t need you for brewing kombucha lolol

- FANGS!!!!!!!!!!! But isn’t he a part of the farm when did he get messed up into this boxing shit tho? DID HE EVEN KNOW BABY TEETH? I mean, yes baby get  screen time, but???

- Edgar saying that Betty is a good person… sksksksks since when? And of course she’s afraid of her daughter, she literally doesn’t care about anyone but herself or Jughead and that is not good. I mean poor Betty for having to hear that but Alice isn’t wrong.

- Did… Did Betty not listen to those tapes at all? I know Edgar is a cult leader and therefore he tricks people into doing and saying what he wants but he never said SHIT to turn Alice against Betty. Betty’s doing that all by herself. He literally said that Betty loved her… he’s right you have given her so many reasons to fear you.

- Betty knows that a therapist is to help people? Then why the FUCK doesn’t she get an actual therapist? She desperately needs it.

- Edgar is actually pretty good with words tbh… but then again he kinda has to in order to be a cult leader

- So no one at the Farm is going to get her arrested for kidnapping? FP would have to arrest her lol but alright

- Varchie FRIENDSHIP is cute but I don’t want them to get back together ugh I know it happens but NOOOOOOOO why does the CW always ruin everything good?

- LUKE!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

- Evelyn really trying to make herself the most hated character by breaking up the best couple lol but I’m so disgusted bc I know that Toni ends up actually wanting to be in the farm… if I remember correctly…

- I mean you’re not a MONSTER, Betty, but you’re an awful person.

- I don’t like Kurtz but I really like the actor for him.

- PLEASE TELL ME MY BOY DIDN’T TAKE DRUGS. AWWW JOSIEEEEEEEE I miss her so much she and Archie deserved better.

- When Betty actually does the right thing (having a change of heart for the good) ssksks I’m not used to Betty actually using her brain. It makes it worse that it’s only because of a cult leader but uhhhh

- THE REF SHOULD BE ABLE TO CALL THE DISQUALIFICATION??? That’s so cheating and that is so fucked…

- Also I love that Archie still has the fake serpent tattoo.

- LMAO FUCK YOU ELIO, EVEN DRUGS CAN’T GET YOUR PEOPLE TO WIN. oh… of course he’s gonna fucking die.

- Ugh I forgot that The Gargoyle King was a thing. It’s just so fucking stupid…

- Poor JB,,, anyways go to your dad to help