#of flatness all around you dont even get a chance to really feel anything about what happens on screen

[kuruk]

oh my god I know like it sounds weird to say this when it's just avatar but the original show has aang go back to the southern air temple to show katara and sokka his home only to find evidence of the genocide of his people and the loss of his loved ones and it's quiet until you see his grief and his rage but you just see the aftermath a hundred years later and the netflix adaptation makes it feel like they wanted it to be a cool action movie with an epic scene showing the fighting and running of the airbenders like that side by side with aang running away and it's like ??? okay it's "darker" congratulations I can see that's what the goal is based on the differences in firebending and early on screen deaths go and focus on every bit of violence for the audience's lazy sadistic pleasure instead of any of the characters personal narratives especially the women that can all be taken right out + the discovery of different places all over the world in the earth kingdom and outside of it. put everything in omashu so they don't get to meet people and see the diversity of the world and each town and SEE what life is like for them under war and have these experiences with all these people build up to something bigger at the end

[angellic-critique]

Honestly my biggest fear is to end up writing my characters the same way vivzie does, I feel like she doesn't even try on certain characters(female characters and literally any other that isn't her "uwu baby boi must be protected at all costs" characters like stolas, angel dust). Like imagine completely missing the point of your own character/srs

to everyone pre-release worries and anxieties just as much as I have-- Please take this time to read or explore different interests of books or authors of subjects and genres you like ! In the era of internet where the golden age of information is rusting into brainrot, the less time online anymore the better. I've been taking javascript/python tutorials for myself attempting to make a dating simulator for literal years at this point and its bounced around to the point of where I branched off to develop my own murder mystery 2-d sidescroller !

I wish for this to be a farewell letter to the crushed hopes and dreams I had for the original hazbin pilot and crew has moved on to other things whereas viv attempted to spitefully keep a story she clearly doesn't have any passion over- it is very evident over her lack of care for her own characters purely for the monetary gains of attempting and sadly wriggling her way into industry the way she did is so abhorrent to the world of genuine art and animation I grew up with.

Has Vivzie ever read a Felix the Cat comic strip or Dilbert even Hägar The Horrible? Does she even know about the history and strive of depth that animation has been at for hundreds of years? Does she even like comics, clearly not if she doesn't even have the patience to write her own and horribly rush whichever story she's interested in that day. I've never seen a careless writer be this selfishly unashamed to write literal garbage and surface level 'intrigue' of design and then falling flat face first at EVERY step. Hope she becomes as unbearable of a director as John K. is because honestly even though I'm cringing making that comparison, it's pretty fair in my book considering the outright ABUSE she has always trying to talk or hoard artists into her 'pet project' I recommend above anything else to watch Dan Stamanolous' 'Moral Orel' if you want an actually funny dark comedy or Christy Karacas' fast paced dark horror comic-come-to-life Superjail! for good animattion that doesn't belittle its audience... *[Trigger Warnings for Adult Swim-esque outdated 2007 humor and light transphobia, read for your own triggers if you dont want to though, please!]

The fact that Stollitz is written so flimsily like a wattpad fanficiton of tropes rolled into one is astounding to me, I used to like the dynamic pre-season 2 as I've mentioned on here and @tired-hellowl so I really don't want to get a headache going into how I USED to like it-Realizing the problematic consent issues all of STOLASS is, I physically cannot watch another Helluva or Hazbin promo anymore without rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

To the anons and people who used to also enjoy vivs work, there are other artists and there are other stories to tell. If you wish to be inspired from Dante's Inferno/Hell or WESTERN CHRISTIAN BASED RELIGION keep in mind what source material you're doing because I don't even think vivzie has picked up the bible once in her life.... And I say this as a drifter in the world who believes in reincarnation I don't really vibe with the athiest stereotypes however, I don't believe in most religion but more power to people that do get hope and love from their teachings and cultures.

She entirely missed the mark for several years, nearly a decade. Viv has had time and time again chance and opportunity to give a chance of storytelling with demons and what does she do? Adult Cartoon that has the demons scream 'FUCK SHIT DAMNIT DAMNIT LOOK IM SO HORNY AND SILLY AND WACKY WOAHH THE SCREEN IS CONSTANTLY MOVING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A SECOND TO BREATH IN ANY AMOUNT OF WORLBUILDING OR SETTING BECAUSE FUCK. YOU.'--

I have said this time and time again- there is no substance or worth about Helluva Bosses or Hazbins writing, even without the show not being released because Amazon seems ashamed about it, I know it'll be a shitshow.

Honestly at this point I agree with the redesign community, take any character you used to like and rewrite them until it's unrecognizable from the original source material, let those fuckers in space fight alien pirates or hell take them out of the heaven and hell trope and just flip it on it's head entirely out of earth or wherever you want to set your story! I'm personally redesigning angel to be a slight aid to my addiction help via rewriting him into my murder mystery heheh while keeping the sexual abuse and recovery in mind because woah that shit happened to me too man !!!

I wish the best to any future writers, animators, programmers, lovers of animation or art, you can do what you put your mind and hands to! Spread more positivity and love then hate in this world please guys, this'll be the last time I pop in I promise I'm trying to get a better job and hopefully get accepted in a community college that i've been on the fence over trying to do more online coding ! The sky is the limit!<3

[sovpologist]

ok finally went ahead and caught up with the season and here are my thoughts!

hmmm... i like the season's concept but not the execution sadly. it feels bad to have an entire season where the central question is "how do you be more than a weapon" and the answer to that question is "kill yourself to save others" i guess????? rasputin didnt really get the chance to live as more than a weapon and ended his life AS a weapon but its okay and "growth" because he's being a weapon... for people he cares about this time? idk, i'm not one of those people who are like "you don't owe anyone anything" because i think helping other people is a beautiful thing to do and i love destiny's focus on community, but i feel like rasputin's ending was more about denying him community if that makes sense... he never really got the chance to experience humanity and be human unless you count his recouped felwinter memories

i feel like there were so many interesting routes we could have gone with a fully mobile and "human" rasputin that i guess the writers were just not interested in exploring... im not a rasputin loremaster so if there was precedence for rasputin being inseparable from his warsats please lmk but it genuinely felt like it came from nowhere that rasputin HAD to die to shut down the warsats. until now they had been treated as something completely separate from him (they were able to operate remotely even when he was shut down for god's sake, although you can argue gameplay elements don't equal canon)

even when ana says "there has to be another way" rasputin's response seems to indicate that it doesn't even matter because somehow someday someone will eventually get hold of the warsats and use them for harm so he might as well just die now, which again is like.... such an unhealthy and negatively self-sacrificing mindset!!!!! it is genuinely really sad to play through all the seasonal missions at once and do a speedrun of rasputin going from confident to completely depressed and questioning his purpose in life if he can't be a weapon and use force to overpower his enemies, and then to have that arc just NEVER be resolved bc he immediately decides he needs to die for the good of others. it was just a completely unsatisfying arc

there are a billion other ways the writers could have sufficiently nerfed rasputin so to not have to deal with an overpowered war god of a character who can call in an airstrike anywhere at any time and can hack every computer in existence simultaneously (listen, i get it, it would be hard to write around that) and i have to believe the destiny writers aren't stupid so i guess they genuinely just really thought rasputin had to die, probably because they wanted something "big" and "shocking" going into lightfall. and i get the meta reason is that this "chapter" of destiny is wrapping up and we have to get rid of some dangling characters and plot threads but idk i don't think that should stop me from being able to critique HOW they decide to shed characters. have rasputin lose access to his warsats and databases and decide he wants to fuck off to felwinters peak to do some soul searching if you really just dont want to have to deal with writing him into lightfall and final shape!

it just feels like such a waste as a character and i'm not even a huge rasputin fan. what really frustrates me is the wasted potential. you barely actually get to meet the "real" rasputin and he's gone, which is why the whole "emotional death scene" fell very flat for me. the ending cinematic was very gorgeous, no doubt about it, but it wasn't as emotionally moving to me as it was to others and i assume thats because i didn't play d1 so i wasn't waiting seven years for this character to actually show up as anything other than ominous backwards disembodied russian voicelines

but i dont want to be totally negative, there were a lot of small character moments i really liked. the bray sisters stuff was great and i loved mara and osiris' conversation, it was nice to see the game acknowledge that they're friends. oh and i genuinely liked rasputin's poetry! submit this man's work to the poetry foundation! it was also nice to see the mid season operation missions get changed up a little too, they felt fun and unique, and seraph station was sooooo fun! i feel like the gameplay elements of this season were great; i just didn't love the direction they took the story in the end

[fangirlstorycreator]

Hey Bestie 🖤 May I request a Cash scenario?Being best friends with him but secretly having feelings for each other. We're from a difficult family and have to go a family gathering and he offers to keep us company and always defends us and stands up for us when he hears that someone talks something bad about us. And while watching him do that we notice how lovely he talks about us and that he might feel the same. With a cute romantic ending maybe? Take your time Bestie 🖤 Love you 🙏

Absolutely bestie 😁 Love you too, I hope you enjoy 💚💚💚

Ever since you'd known Cash, he had always been there for you as your supportive bestfriend. No matter the issue, or problem you were stuck in, he was there for you every time. He knew that your family was never there for you, except for your mum. She sadly passed away when you were 12, but when she was around, she would always be kind to you and show you the love that the perfect parent would show. When she passed away, your family and dad just ignored you, made you feel invisible, even more than they did growing up. So when you had a chance to get away from that, you took it. You saved money up and moved away to get your own flat, and that's where you met Cash.

You were 17 at the time and he was 18, he was in a similar situation to you when he moved away. He didnt get on well with his dad and wanted to start a new life, hence why he was in the same area as you and you soon became friends. Over the years, you stayed at eachothers places, hanged out with other friends too, and were always there for eachother. Cash could always tell when something was wrong with you, it was like a super power, no matter how hard you tried to hide it. You were in your flat in the kitchen having a drink, when he saw your face and just knew something was off. "Come on Y/N, tell me what's up?" "How do you do that? How can you just know something is wrong?" "I can read you like a book Y/N. So? What's troubling you?"

You exhale out deeply and rub at your temple. "Its...its my dad" "Your dad? What about him?" "He called me...there is a family gathering this Friday and he asked me to come" "That #sshole doesn't deserve you in his life. I wouldn't go if I were you" "I know, I dont want to go. But if I dont then I would feel like a coward. I want them to see how much I have changed, and maybe they can see where they went wrong. I may even get an apology" "I cant deny you deserve an apology, from all of them. Listen, if you feel you need to go, I can come with you if you'd like" "You'd come with me? Really?" "Of course I will. You have always been there for me when I needed you, I will always do the same" You pull him in for a warm hug. "Your the best Cash, thank you"

It was now Friday afternoon, and you and Cash had arrived outside your dads house in Cash's car. He stopped the car, but you sat frozen in your seat, playing with your fingers. "Hey...are you sure you want to do this?" "Yeh...yeh let's get this over with" He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before you both get out of the car and walk up to the front door. Having Cash with you helped you feel more at ease, but you still couldn't stop feeling the knot of anxiety in your stomach. You knock on the door, and when it swings open, your older cousin connie answers. "Oh...its you. Didnt think you'd have the guts to come back" "I'll be out of your hair soon connie, I'm just hear for half an hour, that's all" "Fine...who's this? Your back up?" She says sarcastically. But he just takes a step into the door frame, towering over her and says "Your damn right. Come on Y/N let's see if they have anything decent to drink"

You walk past connie, not caring about her comments, especially when Cash put her back in her place. There were about 20 people in the house, cousins, aunts, uncles, all people who wouldnt talk to you or Cash. They just gave you a sneer. But Cash stayed with you the while time, and made you feel more comfortable. You hadn't seen your dad yet, and you were quite thankful for that. "Hey Cash, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll just be a moment" "No problem, I'll be right hear" You leave him by the table with his beer and head upstairs to the bathroom. Once you were in, a wave of anxiety flowed over you. Why did you ever think this was a good idea? Standing by the sink and running your hands under the tap, you splash some water on your face and behind your neck while looking in the mirror.

"Come on Y/N, you can face them. Just 10 more minutes and you can go. And if you see dad...god I dont know what will happen if I see him" you thought to yourself. Patting your face dry with a towel, you take a deep breath and head out of the bathroom and back down the stairs. As your coming down however, you can hear what sounds like arguing from the garden. And you recognised both the voices, your dad...and CASH! "Oh sh#t!" You thought as you ran towards the garden door. You stop at the door frame and see your dad and Cash really going at it. "Trust Y/N to bring along someone to fight in her corner!" "I asked to come along, because I knew that you horrible people would do what ever you could to tear her down! She is my bestfriend and I'm not going to allow you vultures to surround her and make her feel the way you always have!" "Oh please! She has been nothing but a disappoint since she was born, she took up all of my late wife's time and she could never do anything right!"

"Maybe she needed a better male role model, because clearly she didnt get that!" Your dad tries to swing for Cash, but he deflects him and pushes him to the floor, making all your relatives either shout or boo at them. But you couldn't stand by and watch this, you ran up to them before your dad could make another swing, you stood inbetween them, pushing them apart. "Will you both please just stop! Before someone gets seriously hurt!" With your hand on Cash's chest, he takes a step back, but he still looks angry. "I invited you Y/N, not some over grown #sshole!" "His name is Cash! And if anyone is the #sshole hear dad, it's you!" Everyone watching falls silent, apart from a few who say ooooh under their breath. "You only invited me because you miss having someone to boss around, to torment! That's why I left in the first place dad, to escape you! You were never there for me, you only ever wanted me around so you could bully me, and make me do everything around the house" "Well what else are you good for?!"

Cash was about to hit him, but you got in there first. You balled up your fist and hit him straight in the nose, breaking it and making it bleed while he fell to the floor. "You stupid little bitch! What's wrong with you?! I'm glad your mum died!" That was something that stopped you, you froze, unable to say a word, even a tear ran down your cheek. Cash couldn't keep back any longer, he knelt down, grabbed your dad by the neck and pinned him against the garden fence. "Y/N told me what a poisonous snake you were, but I never understood how vile you actually were until a saw you face to face. She wanted to come hear, in hopes of an apology, but it's clear to me and her that an apology is something your not even capable of! You were never there for her, none of you. She is the most kind, sweet and gentle woman I have ever met. And I'm glad shes nothing like you. Look at your daughter, all of you look at her! Y/N is like the beautiful rose that grew out of the family of thorns. Shes not like you, she'll never be like you!" You had never heard Cash talk about you like this, it was beautiful. "Y/N doesn't need you as her family, she has me. And nothing is going to stop me protecting her, even an abusive and alcohol stinking, waist of space like you"

Cash let go of your dad so he fell to the floor, clutching at his neck while coughing from being choked. "Are you ready to go Y/N?" "Yes, please take me home" He puts his arm over your shoulder as you make your way to the garden door, past everyone else, when your dad shouts out to you "You'll never be allowed back into this family Y/N! Even if you beg!" "Who would want to beg to be allowed into this flie ridden ses pool you call a family. Good luck with your life dad...you'll need it" And with that you and Cash walk out of the house and back to his car. You had never felt such a relief before, Cash drove about a mile away and stopped at the side of the street. He could see you needed to release some pent up energy, and when you got out of the car you just paced back and forth along the path, thinking and mumbling to yourself. Until you broke the silence by shouting out loud. There was a mixture of emotions after that, anger, happiness, frustration, excitement! You didnt know how to act.

"Look Y/N, I'm sorry for what I did back there, it's just your dad, he-" "Dont you dare apologise for that Cash! I'm grateful! I'm finaly rid of those awful people and dad finaly got what was coming to him!" Cash lowers his shoulders a little while he leans against the car watching you, happy that his actions didn't anger you. "I cant belive i didnt do this years ago, my dad has always been an inconsiderate #sshole and today he was finally shown who's boss! You did that Cash! You put my dad in his place!" "Well you say that, but I didnt really" "What are you talking about? You pinned him against the fence and-" "But your the one who punched him in the nose. You got a rise out of him and showed him how awful he was" Cash looks sympathetic at you as he walks up and rests his hand on your shoulder. "He is your dad Y/N, this was your fight. I just stopped him from physically hurting you" His hand moves up to your face as he runs his finger over your smooth cheek. "I wouldnt let him hurt you Y/N, I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happend to you" For years you secretly had been in love with Cash, but never did anything about it in case it ruined your friendship.

But why was he acting like this? And saying this to you so sweetly? Did he feel the same? Is this why he was so protective over you? His finger stopped stroking your cheek and instead his hand rested against your face, you could see he looked a little nervous as he slowed hard. But you could see in his eyes that he needed to touch you. His face slowly got closer to yours and before you know it, your eyes close as the feeling of his soft lips touch yours. He gave you a small and tender kiss that lasted just a moment before he looked back into your eyes, but neither of you could cope with just that. After that instant of eye contact, your lips crash into eachothers again as they devour eachother. During this incredibly steamy makeout, Cash's hand slowly reaches up into the back of your hair, and your hand grabs his collar, pulling him in closer. It felt like his lips were ment for you, they felt so perfect. Once you finaly both managed to pull away from eachothers embrace, your lips still lingerd a little before looking at eachother again.

"7 years..." "7 years of what Cash?" "7 years of waiting to kiss you. It was everything I could have imagined, and more. Y/N I have been crazy about you for so long, I didnt say anything incase it screwed everything up. I hope you understand" "Of course I understand Cash, I have been feeling the exact same way" He smiles as his hand cradles your face again. "So Y/N? What should we do now?" "I think we should get back to my place and.....make up for the lost time..."

[transexuality]

rhe thing about kairi is that she is so underdeveloped to an utmost degree beyond any other kingdom hearts character even though she is the POINT of kh1. yes, sora and riku's relationship is in the forefront of kh1, but sora is searching for KAIRI hes mad at riku for what hes done to KAIRI. but she has 0 agency. she is asleep 90% of the game and for the last 10% she does nothing. naminé and larxene are the next original female characters introduced in chain of memories and immediately we see them have more interesting development and storylines and personalities than kairi. naminé suffers a bit from being a female character written by men who dont know how to write women, but she has struggles and she has her own motivations, she is complex. she feels jealous and wants sora to forget everything and stay with her, but she sacrifices those wants because she knows its for the greater good. larxene is an active antagonist and she is a ruthless villain, with agency and power in the narrative. jump to kh2, naminé has become basically a ghost, larxene is dead, and kairi has been captured again. we get moments in kh2 of some personality from kairi, certainly more from what weve seen, but ultimately she still lacks agency and doesnt do much. riku just sort of gives her a keyblade at the end and then shes there to reunite sora and riku, since finding riku is the point of kh2. they had the chance to make her do more in kh3 and while i appreciate that she at least is given a fighting chance it ultimately falls flat because her character revolves around sora. her existence is to support sora and riku's friendship. shes the case that is replace her with a rock and nothing changes. and im saying this as someone who loves kairi! shes fun! shes cute! shes sweet! shes snarky sometimes! but ultimately her personality is Nice Girl Who's Nice :) and there is an untapped well of potential for her to get some depth and it ultimately isnt there as the writers have made her character shallow that pales in comparison to her counterparts. but somehow people hate her EXISTENCE for this and thats what drives me crazy. even with all of these criticisms i have with the writing i still really like her and think that she needs to exist. and yeah sure sora and riku have much more chemistry and are written with such a beautiful bond that its hard to see it as anything other than accidental gay romance but sora and kairi is still there and its still sweet. soriku shippers hate kairi for whatever reason cause it gets in the way of their gay ship and thats whats frustrating. sora and kairi are clearly intended to have romantic undertones and while yes its a shame that kairis character is reduced to this, people shit on it for the wrong reasons. theres nothing wrong wirh sora and kairi's relationship, and its been there from the very start and its not going away. they both care a lot about each other and its sweet! kairi is hated on for merely existing but people dont take the time to step back and critique the way that she is developed and written, they just go for the jugular and perpetuate the misogyny that is already written into the franchise. you can have a problem with the way things are handled, but just shitting on a female character for existing in a male dominated cast written by men is just not cute. Can anybody hear me

[kosherkept]

hey I'm converting right now and I just wanted to say that I had the exact same experience, I reached out to my Rabbi at the tail end of the intro to Judaism class and had to wait about a year for the next one to start, I'm not sure if you know but they might be hesitant to talk with you about conversion because it's custom to turn down potential converts 3 times before letting them even begin converting so if they seem like they aren't giving you a chance just keep trying and keep in mind that rabbis are really busy, I would recommend reading some Jewish books and listening to Jewish podcasts in the time between now and your intro to Judaism class starting, it's a great way to get more involved in Judaism and go ahead and start learning more about it formally while waiting, I'm a big fan of Living a Jewish life by Anita Diamont and her other book Choosing a Jewish life, but I'd be more than happy to send you the list of books from my Rabbi sponsoring my conversion if you want! It's definitely a frustrating wait while waiting for the class but it's absolutely worth it once you get here

hi! i'm definitley well aware of the 3x rejection tradition, but that wasn't what was going on. i didn't go into too much detail about the conversations i had with each of the rabbis so i dont blame you for assuming that might be it, but it was more of a dismissal than a rejection. especially since i kept going back to one of them after being "rejected"/dismissed and if anything it felt like he was actually bothered by me rather than like, paying attention to my persistence, like how i imagine he would have been had it been tradition. i'm not sure how to describe how we talked without trying to flat-out quote them directly which feels a little strange to me lol

several other people have also recommended reading books and doing research in my own time and trust me i have been!! i have seven or eight books that i own that i'm getting to one by one, and "choosing a jewish life" is actually my current read (although i do have Opinions about it that i'll share later once i'm finished with it). one of the shuls i visited when i was trying to meet with the rabbis also has a reading list and i've chosen several books off it it already, too, even if i don't end up converting there. i definitely thought that was a smart idea for them to have (you have to pick a certain number of both fiction and non-fiction books off their approved list in order to complete conversion)

i will say though (and i'm not sure if anyone else has had a similar experience), one of the rabbis actually advised me against doing my own research about judaism of any kind. he said he believed most of the things people discuss on the internet are false (although he didnt really specify what things, which is...annoying, to say the least), and that without the guidance of a rabbi i was wasting my time. which....felt a little unkind, almost? but he was the one i liked the least, so who knows.

but part of my post was also that it almost feels like half-assing it to read jewish literature and continue learning, but not actually do anything to begin the conversion process. that was why i said if the next rabbi i speak to does the same thing,* i'm going to consider fully putting *everything* on pause, including reading, until i can actually take the class. that way it won't feel like a constant reminder of what i could be doing instead, had things worked out differently. yknow?

-

*which he may not!! i checked his shul's website and they aren't affiliated with the same board of rabbis that the other ones were, so he may not even require the class to convert at all?? i do think the class would be beneficial and provide a sense of structure, but time-wise (also money and location-wise. as someone who relies on a shitty public transit system to get around, the class meetings changing location every week to a different shul on the complete other side of town is going to be absolutely horrendous), it's not "optimal" (not sure what other word to use). i definitely have both questions and concerns about it but i'll be able to ask the rabbi if everything goes well :)

[notafunkiller]

The new article come in interesring time right before awards and right before aw will wrap up her movie in novembre. But the whole construction of it is so bad:

1)half of them being seen together are plan pap walks, without this 3 pap walks in rome i guess people laughy at them enought so they decide to not mention them

2) they mention someone said, people saw, source etc. but never show any proof, really source are usually people around couple in terms of their team who talk to press, they know what to say.

3) i will not get into timeline but its messy. Before this article it was said that aw broke up with pine before february but now is march, seb and aw was officialy spotted in may, but we have a pic of them with a story tha deux post from february that was publish way after it was taken. So its one: aw have no shame and date both men in the same time and not to mention publicly because aw and seb were at the bar that anyone could take a pic or more possible two: her contract with pine was long done and she was prepering for the new show, thats why she look straight into the camera im the february pic.

4) as a commited couple they should be in more official events as time goes yet we have less and less events, still at the after party level, and now seb shade things aw does, ignore her in denmark- probably thats the reason it wasnt mention in this great article, didnt invite her to big london premiere even when she was in london and we know she had time to go as she went to many events before and even post drink that day(i know she was filming but if you have a time to make yourself a drink when the red carpet was starting i can guess she wasnt on set that day). And now they are seen less and less together, and if they are its always this weird feeling around them, and its never official always some baits or pap walks. Btw its not private couple vibe, private to me mean we support each other in official events but you dont get to look into our private live and with aw baits we can easly see where seb is and what he is doing.

5)also it might be just me but this article is so flat, so surface level: pap walk here, after party there, awkward cannes here, nothing that would actually be more from what we already know.

6) also rumors of seb cheating and now this also dont sit well with me, its like they checking what would be more interesting to people and will go with the best option, or aw is geting ready for something

7)the term 'couple is going strong' is so boring at this point, like this is the only thing any article ever can say about them, its so predictable at this point it hurts, really 2 years in and noone can say anything else for months?

8) one thing also stand out to me when in article they say aw and seb not mention each other. With seb its true he avoid topic of aw like fire. But aw not, the first secound she got a chance to have any article, this one durning dior fashion show, she mention her bf, and it was so force that you just know she feel the need to say that so she make it know, and yes she didnt mention the name but with all the pap walks and baits she do you really have to be stupid not to connect that the bf she was talking about in dior article was seb. So the person who wrote the elle article didnt saw the dior one or just decide/or was told to ignore this fact so the narrative of this supper private couple that not even mention each other in press will live in public eye. In my opinion this is just a way to cover the sad fact that seb dont talk about aw even if she would like that so they run with this lie.

In the end this article is bunch of pap walk, baits and events that seb dont even look happy to be around aw at all, nothing official only after parties no matter how hard they act like aw was in Berlin events, only adding after party in secound sentence. Weird article, weird time, after such a long time from cannes(what was awkward show with aw bought article calling her 'talk of the town' like i belive in that🙄), weird they didnt mention in elle seb and aw together at her brother wedding, family rome vacations, concert with baits or other family event, only pap walks and some job stuff and awards. Weird, and I just wait where this one will take us

Great points

[amnotaqueen]

They May Mean Well, But...

Members in the congregation can mean well. Some want to help, but don't know how to help. Some don't really want to help, especially depending on what someone needs help with.

Sometimes, I feel like, if I were a male I would stand a chance of getting more and better support from the elders. They could relate to me better if I were a male. There wouldn't be the factor of the male/female dynamic that calls into question whether or not any relationship might develop that is inappropriate. They think like males, of course, and are unable to think like a female to help me. They have wives and do so for their wives and daughters, but they are unwilling or uncomfortable to do so with me. Also, I am black. They are not (in this area). Another factor that distances them from me, and could even prejudice them against me to some degree.

So the situation looks like this to me: I'm married to a narcissist who is emotionally abusive, financially abusive, is a bully to myself and our child, the elders in the congregation minimize or flat out don't acknowledge any narcissistic abuse I and my son suffer, they opt to not take sides as if there can be no victim with which to side in a marriage because everything including fault and blame must be shared 50/50 in a marriage, they don't seem to want to take the time to get into the specifics of what actually is going on in the marriage, nor do they seem educated on what Narcissism is and how the victim of narcissistic abuse is affected. No one seems to believe me and treats my husband like any other beloved brother. If I'm asked how I'm doing, I never know if they really want to know, if I should tell them the truth, give details or not. My feeling is that it is all just formality and I should not answer as if they want a real answer. It makes it difficult for me to feel all that close to anyone.

Imagine a child (older or younger) telling its Mom (or any other beloved family member) that their dad was abusing (physical, emotional, or any other type) them in secret and the mom cuts the child off without hearing all the details and tells the child that he/she should forgive the father, that he is a good man ( even when the father has given no indication of wanting to stop abusing or no indication of being sorry), he is such a good provider, he works hard and is a good worker, so just deal with the abuse even though the child feels like the abuse is severely and negatively impacting his/her health. And when the abusive father is home the mother after being told of the abuse, acts no differently toward the father, still talks to him the same, interacts with him and smiles, kisses him, and socializes with him in the exact same manner as before being told of the abuse. The child then feels betrayed by the mom, diminished even though the mom said she loves the child. The child doesnt feel believed, loved, or supported. Now, the child doesnt even know how to act around the mom and wonders if she is really loved by her.

I have told the elders about the abuse. It's minimized and not viewed as serious or anything they can help with. I can't be believed or sided with. Sisters dont want to help in this type of situation. If all I want is to work in the ministry with them, and I always seemed happy, never spoke of my narcissistic abuse, was able to pretend I was fine when I'm not, then everything would be ok as far as relating with other sisters.

So instead of getting compassion, empathy, understanding long term support, I'm getting asked things like:

"What do you do all day?" Because I'm not working. Therefore, I should be in the ministry more. They have asked this repeatedly. A sister told me, "I used to work two jobs AND I pioneered(full time minister). " Recently a brother said to me, "You must have a lot of free time." He told me that it must be nice not to have to work. These brothers and sisters don't take into account that I'm married to and living with a narcissist, for TEN years. They don't take into account that my husband does not want to spend a dime on me, my husband is selfish and will create more work for me to do just to have what he wants, does not love me, is cruel to me, neglects me, does not support me, does not take interest in me, but only insults and complains and makes demands for all 10 years of our marriage. They don't take into account that I have a special needs child with behaviors and issues that are stressful and exhausting. Whereas these other sisters' husband's love them, support them, help them. Their husbands dont have them riding cars with bald tires. Their husbands dont mess up the kitchen at night after they have finished cleaning the kitchen causing them to clean the kitchen twice before going to bed. Their husbands help cook and clean. Their husbands give affection and talk to them. Their husbands dont abuse their children verbally and physically. They have a good support system and friends because they are not depressed and dont have ptsd from chronic abuse. Their children have no or mild issues if any. It doesnt take their children one hour to eat a meal. They don't have to redirect their children every 20 seconds so they can make it to school or the meetings on time. They can go places with their children without fear of having to prevent a meltdown or get their child out of a meltdown that was not prevented. My situation has taken a toll on my mental, physical, emotional health. My energy is low and stress is high. I'm trying to keep my brain working. Sometimes people think you can't have health problems unless you are old. I'll be honest, it is hurtful to me when people are trying to low-key shame me into not doing more in the ministry because they think I should be able to do more when they don't know (don't want to know) what I'm dealing with. I don't hear, 'I'm so sorry you are dealing with what you are dealing with...''It must be so difficult...' I don't ever hear words in my defense or in support of me. They don't want to talk about the big issue of narcissistic abuse. They want to talk about everything else. They will talk about my son and his issues. They will talk about me being in the ministry more. They don't know the effort it takes me to just get to the meetings and try to participate. But if I talk about how I'm treated at home, how my husband is really, then I'm ghosted.

[dustvoid]

05.07.24

thought I would not write in journal for a change. feeling so flat and defeated at the moment. so lost and frustrated and overwhelmed. underestimated how hard it would be here. still can't find a job and think I just chose a bad time with the election and it being summer and the market is slow. I just don't want to waste anymore time any money being here without a job but I don't want to go home and have it all be for nothing. I don't want to have come here for nothing. I'm really making a dent in my savings and it's starting to stress me out. I hate worrying about money but ive only been here 6 weeks and ive spent so much already. I know majority has been on rent which is astronomically expensive, but I had hope id maybe have some money coming in by now. I know I can't call it yet, but if I don't have a job by the time this sublease ends I will have to. I can't just spend all of my savings living here but sitting around and doing nothing. waiting. I hope it doesn't come to that because at this point id probably do anything. funny how a few weeks ago I was the opposite. but desperate times. its rainy and gloomy. a rainy summer. which I think is not really helping my mood, but at least I don't have to feel bad about staying in.

I thought that back home a lot of the gay community held themselves to high standards but over here it is something else. back home you can have an average to fit body but here I feel like you can't be gay if you aren't fit. I havent felt this low about myself in a long time. you never really notice it until you start looking back and reflecting. I know that bodies change and that's inevitable and the pandemic didn't help either. before it all happened I was stick. I was probably too skinny. a couple years in I was still quite slim, and then the last few years my body has changed a lot. I'm glad in some part because I do want to be stronger, and I have filled out a bit, but I only really noticed how bad body dysmorphia can be. I know I'm not big or overweight but I have too much body fat for my bmi. I know it probably happened in the pandemic because naturally we werent moving as much and lots of people were in the same boat. but I think my metabolism is shot. my diet has not helped either. I am a bored eater. I love to snack when I'm bored and it's a terrible habit. I don't really eat when I'm sad or for comfort, but I will eat anytime when I need something to do. and now I just feel like I'm paying for it and I feel even less comfortable in my skin. I have never been that confident but now it feels worse. I am trying to change it. I have signed up for personal training and I just had my first week but I have no idea how im going to afford it, especially if I don't get a job soon. realistically I shouldn't have done it because of my financial situation, but when I saw I was at risk because of my body fat I felt like it needed to be done. I want to look good and I'll admit that openly. I do want to feel good as well. I'm trying to change my diet and snack less. I think I have been walking at least 10k steps a day so it's a bit disappointing that I dont feel or look any different. which could be from my diet before I changed it. diet is so important and I wish I could have just changed that earlier. but I am starting now. its sad but I feel like ill have more of a chance meeting someone in better shape. its just how the world works. its not like I can't meet guys now, but you are treated better when you are fit and you attract more guys, its how it is. at the moment I feel like the guys that like me I'm not interested in and the guys I like are not interested in me. but who knows why really. its just that pretty much every gay guy here has a decently fit body and I feel like I need to change to at least have some chance. ive always wanted to improve my fitness anyway. if I can improve my diet and follow the training then I should be on track to lose a good percentage of body fat in 4-5 months. which at this rate is not long at all. time is moving so fast, soon it will be my birthday and June will be over. I will probably spend my birthday alone but it's only my 28th birthday. maybe I can take myself out to somewhere nice. if it was on the same day as my netball game I could've at least asked some of them out for a drink after, but sadly its the next night and I don't know if I will feel close enough to any of them by then to ask. I was hoping id at least have someone by now, a flatmate or friend to hang out with. it's just another day, kind of how ive always felt about them anyway. I think my plan is to return home before my and all my friends 30th birthdays in 2 years. which is wild to think about. of course this could change and I have no idea what will happen until then, but I think 2 years is a reasonable amount of time. a lot can happen in 2 years.

-H.

[angellovebites]

Vent cuz it’s 4am and I can’t sleep still

Sometimes I’m hit with such jealousy and pain about a lot of things but tonight it’s my body again

I love my hair I like my face I think my legs are fine and I’m learning to like my shoulders and stuff but god damn it’s just

I dont look how i look in my head, how I wish I could appear. They’re so unhidable. My chest hurts and aches after hours of binding and squeezing and stuff but otherwise I just don’t feel good. I wish I could sleep shirtless comfortably. They get in the way. For years I’ve put my hand under them to feel my ribs, feel what I could feel if I were flat. But they’re always there. Sometimes I like them when they’re sensitive. When they fill something out nicely. When my love admires me and his hands love me. Sometimes I hate them and wish I could just be that happy 11 year old in the mirror, admiring my flat chest and flexing my muscles. Whenever I was asked what I was doing I’d give a big goofy smile and say “I’m a boy! See?” They’d try and soothe me. Say “oh you won’t be flat like that forever!” But I didn’t really want that reaction. I wanted to hear “yeah you sure look like one! Show me those muscles again kiddo!”

I remember as a teen, (naive and well meaning but desperate and extremist in my head), wishing, praying to god, that I could get breast cancer so they’d have to cut them off. Then they’d save my life and I’d finally be happy in my skin. I don’t think I understood how awful a thing I was wanting, but I figured there’d be no other way. Even then, I wasn’t thinking about money. I figured since I can never get top surgery while poor, maybe that’d work, forgetting that you still have to pay for medical procedures and I could just as much certainly have died of the cancer I wanted than have that surgery.

There may never be any winning, especially now as more states are outlawing things like these, even more so since I do not fit their box. I don’t fit any boxes. I wonder if people around me realize how painful that is for me. To always be mentioned last, if that, in positivity posts this can be said for gender and sexuality. To not fit in with the group, even the queer group sometimes. To never be fully sure of who you are, to know that others won’t ever see you as anything than the hand you’ve been dealt. Most people’s solution almost every time, is to change me in some way to get closer to a box. Thats what it comes down to. Change my clothes and change my look and change my hair and change the way I speak and what I like and how I present online and offline and everywhere and maybe if I just don’t speak people won’t think things maybe if I act deaf in public maybe if I wear a mask maybe if I wear platform shoes double bind so my ribs ache and never show skin I’d have a chance But I simply don’t fit? Why do I have to be in a box? I’m not so naive to think that I can simply do nothing and society at large would just know what i want; i do not correct people in public, I know what I look like. but even small scale…even people who SHOULD accept me, often times even people who’s LITERAL JOB is to accept me, cannot step over that tiny little barrier. And even IF I do all that in public? It’s been too many years and I can’t get away with people assuming I’m a young boy or something anymore, it makes no difference.

I heal every time my boyfriend calls me his boy. His Qing. Handsome. Attractive. Strong. Gender neutral things. He doesn’t lump me in with others because of how we were born. Even if I can relate to the EXPERIENCE, I still am not that, and I never feel like he thinks that. I am myself to him, unique on my own. I am so used to no one truly taking me seriously that any little comment he makes about my identity that reminds me “oh…right! He sees me as me! Not a Diet Coke person. Not a watered down version of anything. Just..me.” Makes me so euphoric.

Maybe someday it won’t hurt so bad, physically and figuratively, to be myself.

[shurisneakers]

harmless (i)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader)

Warnings: cursing, nonsense writing

Word count: 1.5k 

A/N: listen i just needed something to keep my mind busy and a perry the platypus!bucky and dr. doofenshmirtz!reader was the only thing i could think of. dont have any high expectations from this series, you will be sorely disappointed.

If you have any ideas for this series, lemme know!! it’d be cute to write!!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Series Masterlist

Bucky Barnes, for all intents and purposes, is edgy. 

His SHIELD salary is definitely enough to afford him a simple beanie, gloves even if he’s that eager. His long hair, though a spectacle in itself, isn’t as good at keeping away the cold as he claims it to be. 

It’s a personal choice, a fashion statement even, to be roaming the streets in a long flimsy t-shirt that does nothing to accentuate his broad shoulders, and tactical pants that look a little too comfortable. 

It’s cold. He says he likes it, to appease his blond haired best friend who insisted that he wear a cardigan at least. He won’t like it in a while, but he would never admit it.

The bike ride to the other side of town for a minor mission takes longer than he expected. The wind rushing by gets his adrenaline racing. 

Official missions are long and gruelling, and oftentimes not fun. But it gives him a purpose.

It’s easy, therefore, to find him brooding when he’s not on one. 

No one wants their room to be on the receiving end of Bucky’s stress-cleaning sessions. His baking is more appreciated.

So when there’s news of a small time villain creating havoc again, it made sense that he volunteered to go sort it out. No one else wanted the job. They’d all been at it before. 

SHIELD didn’t seem particularly bothered either. 

“It’s not that serious, Barnes.”

“I’m going.”

“Just stop her from doing whatever dumb plan she has today. She seems to have a new one every week.”

“Can I-”

“This is not an assassination mission.”

“Fine. Can I-”

“No.”

“Fine.”

He didn’t know what to expect. He had an idea of how they should be. Smaller villains tended to be more aggressive, vicious to prove their point. They were here to stay.

He wears his regular gear. Enough knives to make a butcher look away in shame, and guns including, but not limited to, his biceps.

He finally pulls the bike to a stop a few metres away, leaving it out of reach in case things got too out of hand. He didn’t want to have to walk back to the Tower, and his friends, as much as they loved him, would never go out of their way to pick him up. Little shits. 

The address is a dingy, plain concrete house near an old construction site. It was flat and felt more like an afterthought than an actual building. It looked more like an abandoned Walmart than an actual villain lair. 

The only entrance is the door in the front. He counts to three, lifting his leg to kick it down.

It falls down ungracefully, loud and creaky like it was bound to the doorframe by rust. 

The only light source inside is a green light. All the way at the other end on an elevated platform is a desk and a chair facing away from him. He can’t see much other than that.

Someone’s laughter comes back loud and booming. He raises his gun, feet apart in a defensive stance. 

“I’ve been expecti-” the voice pauses mid-sentence- “Did you just kick down my door?”

He looks behind him to where the wooden piece is on the floor. He certainly did.

He can finally see you as you stand up, green light illuminating your face. You reach over to the side, pressing a few switches. 

He squints when all the lights turn on, pulling the both of you from darkness. 

“Dude!” you cry out, face twisting into what only could be described as a mix of horror and disdain. “What’d you do that for?”

He doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t lower his gun either.

“You’re an Avenger, just fuckin’ pick the lock or something. This is expensive!” 

He only watches as you whine, looking beyond him at your now demolished entrance. You take a few steps closer, jumping down from the elevated platform.

“Insurance isn’t going to cover this.” You drag your palm across your fist before extending it towards him. “Pay up.”

He wasn’t sure if he heard you right.

“What?” he finally asked, voice gruff.

“All you superheroes go around, destroying walls and cars in the name of world peace like you own the damn thing. Not today, bitch boy. Pay up.”

He doesn’t have his wallet with him. He didn’t expect to need it.

“I’m supposed to be stopping you.” 

“You can do that once you pay for my door.” 

You sound resolute, unshaken. A little annoyed. There’s what appears to be a gun in your hand, although it’s unlike any weapon he’s seen before.

“What’s your plan?” Bucky looks at your hand. Your stare follows his. You lift the thing up and he tenses.

“I was going to freeze some jerk but now my plan is to get you cancelled on Twitter.” 

“Why?” his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Local superhero destroys property of tax paying citizen for no good reason.”

“I mean-” he shakes his head, discarding what you’re saying, “-why were you going to freeze someone?”

“Because I wanted to. But you’ve ruined the mood now, so that won’t happen.”

He blinks, lowering his weapon when he realises you weren’t making any attempt to move. “What’s your ulterior motive?”

“Nothing! I just wanted to mildly inconvenience that stupid fuck for being such a prick.”

He doesn’t know what to say. 

“Is that the freeze ray?” Bucky asks instead, raising his gun when he realises there’s a very real chance he could end up like his best friend. 

“You got a problem with it?” You hold it up carelessly. 

“I can’t let you use that.”

“That’s all you’re going to do?” you huff, “Is this what you call an intervention? This is so boring.”

“Give me the freeze ray and no one has to get hurt.” 

“No one was going to get hurt in the first place, genius. All this does is slow him down for 5 minutes so he misses the subway.”

There’s nothing technically that evil about what you’re doing. He doesn’t even know how you ended up on SHIELD’s radar. He gets why no one was particularly driven to take this seriously.

“And for fuck’s sake put that gun away. You’re not scaring me.” 

He doesn’t oblige, even though something tugs at him, telling him that you’re speaking the truth. 

“Here, take the stupid thing.” You don’t bother waiting for his response, bending over and sliding the gun towards his feet. “I’ll find another way to get back at that dickhead.”

It hits his boot with a small thud. He looks down. Its design is ridiculously comical, like you ripped it straight out of a kid’s TV show. 

“Next time, bring some drama. Wear a cape or something.” You wave him off. “Now get out of my lair. I need to fix the door.”

“You don’t have another one of these lying around, do you?”

“Why, do your friends want one too?” The glare you give him is dangerous. He doesn’t react to it. “No, it’s limited edition. I don’t build the same thing twice.”

“You have others?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?” A smile grows on your face, dropping as quickly as it arrives. “SHIELD will tell you if I do. Now leave.”

Bucky looks at the freeze ray in his hand. He supposes his job is done. He was told to stop you, but you didn’t seem to have any inclination to go on with your plan.

“You can ask them if you want, they know about me.” You roll your eyes. “Go ahead, call them.”

He doesn’t want to take a chance. As odd as the situation is, it’s still novel and he isn’t quite sure how to deal with it.

He tucks your weapon under his arm, pressing his phone to his ear.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?” Maria’s voice is crisp as ever.

“I confiscated a... freeze ray.” He feels ridiculous even saying it. “But I’m going to bring her in to SHIELD headquarter-”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“But we can’t trust-”

“We’ve been keeping tabs on her for a while. She’s more or less harmless. You can take the rest of the night off, Sergeant.”

He cuts the call, not entirely at ease with the smug, expectant look on your face. 

Still, he couldn’t disobey direct orders.

“I’m gonna... go.” He mentions towards the gaping hole in the wall.

“That would be ideal, yes.” You nod, crossing your arm over your chest.

“Okay.” He hesitates, but finally takes a step backwards. He peeks over his shoulder as he leaves, but finds you swivelled away from him again. 

He steps back outside. The cold greets him again like an old friend. The weight of his weapons feels stupidly embarrassing now. 

It’s a long drive back to the Tower. He keeps replaying the entire story in his mind. He’s unsure of whether he made the right call, but no one else really seemed to care. 

He had seen weirder things. It came with the gig.

He leaves it at that.

“How’d it go?” Steve asks him when he walks into the living room.

“T’was fine,” he answers, toying with the stupid device he took from you. Maybe he would test it on Clint. He had been getting annoying lately. Breathing too much in Bucky’s general direction.

A part of him feels guilty for his carelessness towards your building. The other part is just bewildered. 

That night he looks up the cost it takes to replace a door, making a mental note to draw some money from the ATM soon.

Next part

[hoodieofholland]

Omg congrats!!! I just can't stop thinking about Tom making reader squirt for the first time and she's all embarrassed by it but tom is assuring her that it was hot af 🌷

Thank youu! Sorry for taking that long, but here we go! Also i got a little carried away, dont mind it

Warnings: SMUT (+18), dom!tom, slight degradation (name calling), fingering (f), squirting, unprotected sex, typos for sure.

You couldn't lie and say you didn't deserve what was happening right, you had been a tease the whole day with Tom, walking around the house in nothing but his t-shirt, no panties in the way, bending every now and then just to pick something you dropped on purpose, and massaging his shoulders every time you made a shitty excuse to go and talk to him while he was working.

And now there were you, head dizzy, chest coming up and down in panting breathing while you approached your high for the fourth time in a row... or maybe it was the sixth? You couldn't remember anymore. Tom was edging you for so long that all you could sense now was the wetness between your legs, the squeaky sounds it made when his two fingers entered your throbbing pussy with determination.

"Are you close, my love?", he asks, his chest vibrating against your back, his lips on your ear, bitting your skin slightly from time to time. You bite your lips, too scared of the tricky question, but still too aware that it was nonsense keeping it from him -- Tom knew when you were close. He knew your body from your head to toe.

"Yes, Tommy", you whine lowly, voice lost in between your moans and incoherent pleads for release. "Please- let me come".

"Course, darling", though his voice held nothing but sweetness, you knew it wouldn't work that easy. He took his fingers out of you and you squirmed in protest. "But only when I'm sure my girl has learnt her lesson. Do you understand why I'm doing this? Eh?"

He grips your jaw, making you look at him. You can feel his hard cock against your back, throbbing with every movement you make towards him.

"Yes", you drawl, too weak to answer something else. In front of you, there's a mirror, the one that is always standing in your shared bedroom. Tom liked to keep it that way, so whenever you both felt like it, he'd fuck you in front of it. Usually, you loved it, you loved watching yourself come undone, watching Tom take control and fuck you to oblivion. But today, today was different.

You were a mess, completely wrecked, and though you loved the fact that it was Tom who made you feel like this, you wanted to reach your high desperately.

"Everything okay?", he asks, peppering kisses along your jaw. He always made sure to ask before going back to edging you again. You nod your head, but it's not enough. "What's the word, sweetheart?"

"Green... green, you can- keep going", you respond, bitting your lips and closing your eyes and his hand slides down your inner thigh, so close to your heat. "Please, I wanna cum".

Tom gives you a harsh slap there and you jolt. "You're gonna get what I give you, brat. What is it? Did you not learn a fucking thing?"

You exhale a sharp breathe and shake your head. "I'm sorry, Tommy. I'll be good, I promise".

"You sure are", he smirks, rubbing the skin smoothly. "Cause you're my good little thing, aren't you?"

You nod and try to reach his lips, turning your head to the side. He kisses you deeply, but only for a brief moment. "You wanna take my cock?"

Before you can realise, you're whining in response, trying to grind your ass against his length. "Fuck, you're so greedy", he moans in your ear. "I'm gonna give it to you, pretty girl. C'mere".

You manage to adjust your position to align yourself with him, knees on bed as you feel your arousal slipping between your legs. Tom's eyes are fixed in your ass, teeth grazing his lower lip as his hands are gripping your waist to help you align your entrance with his cock.

He teases you a bit more, his red tip brushing your clit until you are forcing yourself down on him. This wasn't supposed to be something you'd do, but fortunately for you, Tom didn't seem to mind this time, too anxious to get your walls hugging him tightly.

"Fuck, always so bloody tight, darling", he moans, planting his feet on the mattress before starting to pound into you. "No matter how many times I fuck this hole".

You whimper, your belly already tightening as your high was close already. "Tommy, please, don't stop".

Tom chuckles between whines coming from the back of his throat, "You like begging to me, don't you, baby? Don't even have to ask, my greedy little thing".

Your head falls back and Tom gets the chance to grip your jaw and kiss you hard, lips messy and sometimes losing their contact as he thrusts his hips deeper, faster, making the sounds of your skin slapping echo through the room.

"Shit, Tom, I'm gonna- I'm gonna cum", you moan, your walls clenching around him viciously.

But before you can finally enjoy your sweet release, Tom pushes you towards the mattress, making you gasp in surprise. Your hair was all over the place, the palm of your hands laying flat against the mattress as your confused brain tries to catch on what was happening before Tom pulls out of you just to bottom out in a precise and deep thrust, the last one before he pulls out again.

"This is not how it works, sweetheart. Didn't learn anything, did you? Turn around, brat", he commands and you do as you're told, rolling on bed before he takes a hold of both of your wrists and pin your hands above your head. "You have to ask for it, love", he slaps the each one of your inner tights and you arch your back in pleasure and pain. "Thought it was pretty obvious by now".

"Fuck, fuck, 'm sorry, Tommy. Please, lemme cum", you cry out, bucking your hips towards him, but all you get is a mischievous smirk.

"You're gonna come, baby, but only after I'm finished. How does it sound, eh? Do you want my cum, pretty girl?"

You nod eagerly, licking your lips as he releases your hands. He takes a hold of his cock on one hand, lazily stroking it, and takes your hand on the other one, bringing it to his mouth. He places a kiss on the tip of your fingers, "You're gonna play with your clit f'me, alright? But you're not cumming. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Tommy", you whimper, bitting your lips as he licks your finger, spreading wetness before placing them over your bundle of nerves, and you start to give it slow circle motions, trying not to apply too much pressure to not cum before time.

"Yeah, baby, like that", he moans, fastening the movements of his hand over his length. "Oh, fuck, you're so gorgeous, 'm so fucking lucky".

You moan, breathing getting heavier as you bite your lips hard to hold yourself back.

"I'm close, darling", his shoulders fall towards you, his back curving as his high approaches violently. "Spread your legs a bit more"

"Cum on me, Tommy", you said, widening your legs, giving him enough view of your soaked core.

It took him only a few more intense strokes before he came, his white hot cum falling all over your pussy, making you clench around nothing. "Fuck, fuck", he rode himself through his high, eyes heavy as he tried to keep a look on you, on your bare pussy, your wetness and his cum painting you like a goddamn work of art. "Shit, look at you", he pants, recovering from his orgasm. "Gotta make you cum, pretty girl. Been so good to me".

You nod eagerly and jolt slightly when he slaps his hand over yours, taking it away from your clit and replacing with his thumb.

Tom straightened himself over bed, his eyes never leaving yours and he got down on you, his lips hungry and precise to make you cum as quick as possible and put and end to your suffering. You close your eyes, tilting your head back as your mouth falls open to a silent moan that gets stuck on the back of your throat.

Tom's fingers enters you and he doesn't take longer to curl them inside of you, making you whine and squirm with the closeness of your high.

"C'mon, love, you can cum now, cum on my mouth, pretty girl", he hums against your pussy lips, licking until he hits your clit, his fingers never stopping his work.

The edges, the great amount of stimulation, everything comes back to you as you orgasm hits your body, making you shiver and your body start to tremble. You moan Tom's name loudly, and he takes a hold of your hand when you starts to fist the sheets so strongly it gets your knuckles to turn white.

"Fuck, fuck, oh, my-", you let it all go away and feel the wetness of the sheets beneath you, while your hips buck towards Tom's face.

"Shit", you hear him gasp, taking his fingers out of you. You open your eyes slowly, breathing still coming in pants, and it takes a little while until you can focus on anything.

The first thing that you see is Tom's face covered in wetness, but it's not like other times he eats you out. His chin is visibly covered on it, and when you prop your elbows on the mattress to take a better look, you see his hands also covered on it. The sheets have a big stain of your cum and you can already feel your face turning red.

"You squirted", Tom said, eyes twinkling with something you couldn't recognize at first, a smirk on his face, but embarrassed as you felt, you assumed he was going to make fun of it.

"Oh, my God, I'm sorry", you whined, covering your face with your hands. "Shit, I've never- I've never done that before, I'm really sorr-"

"What?", Tom gasped, taking your hands out of your face. The smirk was still there, his brown eyes deep and bright. "What are you apologizing for?"

You blink, a bit confused at first.

"Don't you- uh, don't you think it's... gross?"

Tom scoffs, shaking his head. "Are you kidding me? That was the hottest thing I've ever seen", he said, eyebrows cocking. "And what the fuck, you mean, this was your first time doing it?"

You nod sheepishly and his smirk turn somehow even more cocky. "Fuck it, we need to do that again", he shakes his head un disbelief, leaning in to kiss you. You can taste yourself, "You're so fucking hot, darling, can't believe you're all mine".

You sigh in relief, easing yourself and letting yourself enjoy the kiss and the bliss you were still on after the intense orgasm. Eventually, Tom made you get out of bed, carrying you to a hot bath to take care of you and some light sores you might have gotten, but he didn't let you go get some rest before making sure you knew that was the first time, but not the last.

[candychronicles]

carve // k. bakugou

A/N: hello and welcome to my take on the all about bakugou bnharem collab! this is a potential intense read so please heed all warnings! 

this is a continuation of quarantine that i wrote last year for a harem collab. it’s not required to read in order to read this story but feel free to read if you’re interested!

i am so sorry that i solely write for collabs now lol 

CHARACTER PAIRING: bakugou katsuki x f!reader

WORD COUNT: 3,050

WARNINGS: heavy knife play (mentions of blood, wounds, weapons), super intense emotions, oral (f!receiving), good ol fashioned penetration, implications of a lighter skin tone if you squint

SYNOPSIS: your boyfriend suggested to try a new kink over quarantine yet life was beginning to resume some semblance of normalcy with no excitement in sight. what was going on? 

want to enjoy more bakugou? i mean, c’mon, who wouldn’t? 

head on over the the masterlist!

you did not, in fact, try anything risker. bakugou balked at the thought of hurting you once he got over the high he was in, lusting over the fact that you were able to put him in his place so easily, though he would never admit that. he wouldn’t admit a lot of things, in fact, like how he was afraid he was going to slip and cut too deep, how he thought you secretly didn’t trust him, how he wasn’t and never would be good enough. all these thoughts kept running through his head as time went on, as quarantine sunk deeper and deeper into chaos, as he got called back into action much sooner than expected and never really got a chance to spend time with you like he really wanted to.

over a year had passed since the last first and last time he had ever brought the knife up. you had asked him plenty, showing him different blades, trying to get him wound up, but he always pushed the thought away, fucked you into submission, or if you were being particularly relentless, let you fuck him. it kept you at bay for awhile but you both knew that things wouldn’t stay quiet forever.

it was on a normal tuesday evening that you sat him down for a serious chat. he had been gone for awhile, quarantines lifting up left and right, people getting vaccines and life returning to as normal as it could be after what everyone had went through. he was distant, stressed, unsure of life and frustrated with how he was feeling and you could tell. he didn’t, however, know that you were that observant and he was sure that you were going to kick him to the curb. honestly, how could he blame you with the way he was treating you, acting like you were some fragile doll that needed to be kept at arm's length wrapped in bubble wrap your whole life? fearing he would break some sort of trust between you two or worse, snap you in half. it wasn’t until he felt your gentle hand on his own that he realized he’d been consumed in his own thoughts.

“Katsuki, what’s wrong?” you finally asked, not one to beat around the bush.

“nothing’s wrong babe, just tired, you know i’ve been working a lot,” he brushed off, going to stand up.

you didn’t give him the chance though, yanking his hand so that he was pulled forward, slamming into the table.

“don’t. lie. to. me,” you commanded, anger evident on your face, brows furrowed and eyes challenging straight ahead.

he sat down with a sigh, not sure of where to begin or even if he had the strength to say anything to you, but before he could, he heard your voice, unusually meek, ask “was it something i did?”

his hand tightened around your own before he realized he was squeezing harshly, quickly letting go and rubbing his fingers as if he had burned you, which he might as well have with the way you recoiled at his actions.

“Katsuki, please, if there’s something i did, at least tell me. i’m going crazy watching you run away from me without me even knowing what’s going on.”

fists clenching under the table, he huffed, attempting to collect his thoughts once more. he knew now that there was no running from this, no more hiding his feelings or wallowing in his own despair and pity.

“i’m afraid of hurting you. during sex, especially. with the knife kink, ya know?”

you cocked your head at his, eyes squinting as you tried to analyze what he had just said.

“i’m not made of porcelain. i think that, as adults, you and i can have a conversation about boundaries, safety, how to keep in communication and what to properly do during aftercare. it’s really not any different from the conversations we’ve had before in any part of our life, really.”

“but what if i go too far?”

“then i’ll just embarrass you by going to the hospital and telling them that my boyfriend’s monster cock split me in half. m’sure they’ve heard worse,” you teased, reaching out to poke at his forehead that was set in a permanent wrinkle, face scowling at how nonchalantly you were talking about this.

“i’m serious, what if i fuck up and cut too deep or nick an artery or accidentally slip and stab you or you sneeze and stab yourself or-”

“hey, ‘Suki,” relax. it’s why we’ll educate ourselves and take it slow. you’re not putting a knife to my neck after all. we’ll learn and talk together so that we’re both feeling safe and if you still don’t want to do it after then that’s fine! we have a great sex life as is. i don’t need every one of my kinks fulfilled to be happy and satisfied with you.”

despite the insecurities and confusion that settled in his brain like a thick fog, he nodded his head, agreeing to learning and trying this new experience with you. secretly, he was ecstatic, his cock twitching as he thought about carving his name into your body, but the logical part of his brain still wasn’t convinced. 

you two spent the night educating yourself, figuring out what blade you wanted to purchase, how to keep it clean, how to safely take care of wounds, both minor and major, safety do’s and dont’s and going over boundaries and safe words. it was hours later that you both collapsed into bed, thoroughly tired yet satisfied after the conversation and education that had just taken place.

three days later, a nondescript package arrived at your door, simply labeled with the postage and address. you quickly grabbed it and rushed inside, careful to close the door quietly. Bakugou had the day off and spent most of the morning doing paperwork, only now choosing to workout in order to get rid of the boredom that was already seeping into his brain. 

you tore the package open as quietly as possible and shimmied the box tucked inside the package out, careful not to damage anything, popping it open and smiling at the sight inside. a shiny blade stared back at you, hilt a forest green, deep and inviting. you pulled the object out, running your finger along the cool metal, admiring the way it glinted in the harsh kitchen light. 

quickly, you scrambled into the bedroom, eager to see what Bakugou would think but when you peeked your head inside the room, it was dark. you frowned before realizing he had already sat down at his desk, tolling away at the mounds of papers he had to go through. sighing, you gently placed the blade down on the dresser, forgetting about it as the day went on.

it was only when you were in the shower later that evening, ready for bed, that you remembered you didn’t put it away. you hurried to finish, barely throwing a towel on yourself before whipping the door open only to see he had already spotted the object. 

Bakugou was twirling it in his hands, testing the weight, prodding at the tip with his fingers, letting out a sharp hiss when the blade nicked his finger.

without thinking, you stepped forward, taking his hand into your own before slowly lifting it up to your lips, sucking on the wound, the taste of iron and his own sweet flavor hitting the roof of your mouth. you watched him with hooded lids as your towel dropped haphazardly to the floor, body still dripping from the shower.

“princess, you’re playing a dangerous game tonight.”

you only hummed around his finger, stepping closer to him, pressing your wet body to his, shivering at the warmth he radiated. he pulled his hand away from your mouth, choosing instead to cup your chin and bring it closer to him.

“are you sure you want to do this? do you remember everything we learned?”

“i’m sure, Katsuki, i promise. we have our safety words if things get out of hand, yeah? but i’m sure it won’t,” you reassured, blinking up at him with such sincerity it nearly took his breath away.

with the knife tucked firmly in one hand, Bakugou led you to the bed, laying you down gently, propping your head up and settling into your thighs, kissing, biting, sucking.

he took one deep breath, hands trembling, before the coolness of the blade just barely grazed your skin. you took a sharp inhale of breath but before he could ask what was wrong, he heard you beg for him to do it again.

his tongue came out to press flat against your clit and you jolted, his one hand coming down to hold you still and the other using the knife to trace lazy shapes along your thighs, up your pelvis and around your stomach. 

you struggled to maintain your breath, the sharp scratch of the knife as it tickled your skin contrasted with the soft and soothing tongue of Bakugou as he leisurely lapped at your sensitive nub. you begged and pleaded for more friction, white knuckling the sheets as you tried to keep your composure but all he did was sadistically smile and hum, the vibrations driving you crazy. 

he kept up that pace for a while, the blade leaving behind bright pink swirls on your skin, tickling and pinching you at the same time. it was all so exhilarating, knowing that something bad could happen and yet being at the complete mercy of your boyfriend. 

Bakugou, on the other hand, was stalling for time. he wanted so badly to claim you as his own and yet he was still convinced this wasn’t what you wanted. he thought you were faking it or doing it for his own pleasure and yet in this moment, all he wanted to do was please you, make you feel good, make you know that nobody would ever lay a hand on you besides him, that you were and would be his forever. he felt so strongly about you and about you being his that he didn’t even notice he was applying more pressure to the blade until you let out a gasp.

immediately he sat up, blade dropping clumsily to the bed as he examined your hips, realizing he had nicked the thin skin on your pelvic bone. he stared blankly at the red welt, a pinprick of blood seeping out of the cut. numbly, he looked up at you, ashamed he had hurt you. before he had a chance to open his mouth and apologize, however, you surged forward, crashing your lips against his own, teeth gnashing. he was sure he tasted blood but the way you were kissing him, he didn’t think he could stop even if he wanted to.

“Katsuki, i need more, please. i need you, all of you, need your name carved into my body, need to know that i’m the only one for you.”

he paused, hands coming to gently push you away, looking into your eyes to see what kind of game you were playing but all he saw was that same sincerity and desire as always.

“i just hurt you know. what if i go too far?”

you grabbed his face fervently, squishing his cheeks with your hands. 

“I trust you with my life. I always have and I always will. I am yours as you are mine. I want, no I need, this from you. Please.”

his heart practically squeezed in his chest, an unusual lump forming in his throat as he stared at you, at the way the tears pooled at your lashes, how you looked at him like he was the sun, how your warm breath caressed his face and your soft hands held him so tenderly. it was in that moment that he finally realized how much you loved him, trusted him, needed him as much as he needed you.

no words were spoken as he wiped away the tears from your cheeks, laying you back down gently on the mattress, knife picked up firmly in his hand as he splayed his other across your stomach, stretching and pulling at the skin to make it taut. he didn’t even think before he put the blade to your skin and began carving the first line in the K.

the first cut stung, a slow, agonizing pain as he sliced straight up and down, pinpricks of blood following in the wake of his actions. he looked up at you, making sure you were okay, but you were already placing your hand on the blade, urging him to continue.

the next few lines continued to sting but with it came an utmost sense of security and pride. he was carving you, embellishing his name into your body, carving you, marking you, molding you to become a piece of his own flesh. you were his canvas, his artwork, the beauty that was brighter than the stars. he was the sun, hot, fiery, full of temper and you were his moon, patient, calm, full of emotion. together, you two worked in tandem, balancing each other out, keeping each other in line, never able to fully connect but never being able to stay away from one another. but today, on this glorious evening, the sun and the moon meet, an eclipse in the night, destined to become one, and as the blade finished slicing you, the final stroke, the “I” to end it all, your souls merged.

Bakugou stared back at his own name, his first name, carved along your skin, rivulets of red pooling along your skin, eager to be released from their confines. his hand came to gently wipe away your skin, wincing as you hissed.

“let me get you cleaned up.”

he tried to get up, he really did, but when you reached for him, your voice wanton, begging him to fuck you, pleading, saying that you needed him now more than ever, he sunk back down onto the bed, his shirt flinging over his head, clothes kicked off to the side. gingerly, he climbed on top of you, not even getting a chance to adjust or make sure you were okay before you were trapping him in your legs, pulling your bodies practically flush, his cock sitting heavily against your aching cunt.

“baby, please, i want you too, so fucking bad, but i need you to tell me you’re okay first, need you to talk to me before we go any further,” he begged, eyes searching your own frantically to make sure you didn’t get lost in the emotions.

“m’okay ‘Suki, promise. just need y’so bad, please.” 

he breathed deeply through his nose, cock twitching painfully, before he situated himself properly between your legs, gently thrusting into you, nearly gasping out as you sucked him in, soaking wet and eager for his touch.

“fuck baby, you’re so wet. been waiting for me to fuck you senseless, hm?”

you only whined out in response, hands curling around his neck to pull him closer to you, sealing him in a kiss and wriggling your hips.

he obliged without question, too consumed in the feeling of you, your scent, the stickiness of the blood, your hands in his hair, everything about you was driving him crazy. you were everything to him and he could feel in the way your body reacted to his touch, the way you cried as he kissed you, how you whispered over and over again how much you loved him, how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, how you needed him at your happiest and darkest moments in life, how you two would meet in every life and love each other no matter what, he felt it all. so much so that his own tears began falling, soaked in your soft skin, slipping between each kiss, sealing your fate with one another.

his thrust were slow and deliberate, taking his time, savoring every breath that he stole from you, every gasp and moan and cry and prayer as you worshipped him over and over again. your body was on fire, adrenaline making your toes curl and fingers tingle, head dizzy from lack of air but you couldn’t stop, meeting his thrust with your own, legs locked tightly around his torso, hands pulling him impossibly closer, loving the way his body set you on fire. you were drowning in the flames and yet only wanted to sink deeper into heat, consumed by the tranquility it gave you. you were at peace, body alight with pleasure as your chest met his, back curling off the bed as he rocked you through the most intense orgasm you had ever had.

it only took a few moments of your cunt clenching around his cock before he came, thrusts becoming sloppy as he rode you both through your high. breaths were caught, bodies untangling from one another as you came to your senses. after a few minutes, Bakugou gently began stroking your cheek, bringing you back to reality, going through his checklist as he made sure you were okay after what had happened.

after he had gotten you some water and began tending to your wounds, you looked at him, hand coming to gently grip his, stroking the calloused palms of your lover. 

“thank you, Katsuki.”

he looked at you like you had two heads before scoffing, claiming that he only did what you two wanted to do before finishing cleaning you up, going to the bathroom to take his own shower and wash the blood off of himself. you laid there, donned in one of his shirts, taking in your emotions, when the door opened up, Bakugou stepping out dressed in sweatpants, flashing you a rare soft smile as he took in the name carved on your stomach.

“y’know, that’s just the beginning,” he started, coming over to lay down next to you, gently pulling you into his side, kissing the top of your head and watching the way you looked at him, expectant and full of love.

“you’re not going to just have my name carved on you, princess. soon, i’ll give you my last name too.” 

[silversatoru]

Hello! I wanted to request for a chubby reader x Levi oneshot. I feel like there aren’t many stories that have chubby readers ): As for the storyline, I’m not sure if it falls in the angst or hurt/comfort category. It would be the reader feeling insecure about themselves because they have a harder time training than the others (them blaming it on their own weight) and seeing how everyone is much thinner than them, they start avoiding food. To not make it look suspicious, they’d go into the kitchen alone and put the food away along with the left overs. The reader would act normal with Levi and he doesn’t suspect anything at first. Later on, the reader would push themselves harder to the point where they’d train on their own whenever they had to chance so they can lose weight and improve their training. At this point, Levi starts noticing the reader looking paler than usual and the slight difference in their weight. One day during training, the reader ends up fainting from exhaustion and dehydration. They wake up on Levis’s bed with him looking over them. He asks what happened and the reader lies by saying they didn’t drink enough water. Levi calls it bs and ask if they think he’s stupid and goes on to tell them about how they noticed the reader sneaking off into the kitchen with a plate and coming out without it. He didn’t think anything of it at first, but he started putting the pieces together. They end up telling Levi the truth, the way they feel towards themself and how they don’t like the fact that they’re bigger than Levi. He comforts the reader and lets them know that they’re an idiot for thinking that way, etc. Thank you! I’m so sorry if it sounds so cheesy!

hello dear!! i dont think your idea was cheesy at all, i love it actually. these kind of issues live very close to my heart, so writing about them is always really fun for me. that being said,, this fic definitely got very dark and very real, and i would advise everyone to read the warnings before deciding to read this <33

empty

levi ackerman x gn!reader

synopsis: levi catches you skipping meals and does what he can to help

tags/warnings: eating disorder, skipping meals, hurt/comfort, but it does have a happy ending! 

word count: 2.2k 

Throbbing headaches and hollow, gnawing pains in your stomach — they’ve quickly become your new normal. You see everything through a hazy fog these days, nothing feels real and everything hurts but it’s worth it — that’s what you keep saying to yourself. You’re tired of lacking the same agility, momentum, and grace that your thinner counterparts have. 

Your weight was always something that ate away at the back of your head, but joining the scout regiment multiplied it tenfold. You were constantly working twice as hard as your fellow scouts, and it seemed like it was never enough. Everyone around you was not only ridiculously athletic, but so fucking thin. You didn’t hate your comrades for their bodies and the way they were born, but you made up for it by inflicting all of the hate onto yourself.

You wonder if anyone notices your zombie eyes or the abnormal paleness to your face — god, you hope they don’t. The last thing you want to do is have to confront your feelings and admit what you’ve been doing lately. Every night you shamefully sneak back into the kitchen and pour your plate of food into the large pot of leftovers. You pick at food here and there when your friends are watching, but behind closed doors you haven’t eaten much of anything lately. Your body is running on empty, and it’s only a matter of time before it fully catches up to you. 

You hear your last name echo from across the training fields, slowly turning around to see an angry captain sulking towards you. His face was twisted into an unpleasant grimace, his eyebrows knitted together into what almost looked like concern. 

“I’m excusing you from the remainder of training, leave,” his words were flat, but there was a subtle emotional edge. 

“Sorry, what?” you gave him a confused look — Captain Levi never excused anyone from training, not unless they were practically on their deathbed. 

“Go home, and eat a big dinner tonight, your energy has been less than adequate lately,” his face softened slightly, “I expect you to be back to normal by tomorrow. Your skills and abilities are needed here, so go get some rest and be better tomorrow, yeah?”

“But, I-,” you stammered, trying to come up with some kind of valid excuse. 

“That’s an order, cadet”. 

His words surprised you, and before you could even rack your brain for an appropriate way to respond, he was turned on his heels and walking away. You swallowed thickly, your throat dry and stuffed full with anxiety. 

Reluctantly, you followed his orders and made your way back to the Scout’s base early. You grabbed a stack of fresh clothing from your room before heading to the showers and scrubbing yourself free of all the sweat and grime from training. You were careful to avoid mirrors when you navigated bathrooms, and tonight was no exception, your eyes glued to the tiled floor. After showering, you hesitantly walked to the kitchen, preparing a plate of food and bringing it back to your room.

That food stared you in the eyes for hours, taunting you and teasing you and making intense nausea creep up your spine.  Tears were stinging the backs of your eyes and your lungs were shaking with heavy, anxiety-filled breaths. You couldn't do it, and you were overwhelmed with shame and guilt. If you couldn’t do it for Levi, you were hopeless that you’d be able to do it for anyone, never mind for yourself. 

After making countless pitiful attempts to take a bite of your untouched meal, you decided it was going back into the leftover pot — just like everything else. The other scouts should have returned and been sleeping by now anyway, you’d just silently creep down the hallway, dump the food, and creep back, no harm no foul. 

Except for that a certain short, dark-haired captain was standing at the end of the hallway — you didn't notice him, but he certainly noticed you. A boiling anger rippled up inside him as he felt an overwhelming disappointment in your actions. He’d been suspecting this kind of behavior for a while now, but watching you tip-toe down the hall and into the kitchen with an uneaten plate of food confirmed all of his suspicions. 

You could barely crawl out of bed the next morning, your ribs aching and your head pounding with a dull pain. You grasped at your tall dresser, catching your balance as you dangerously swayed back and forth for a few seconds. After regaining consciousness and stability you carefully changed into your uniform, having to stop and take breaks every few seconds because you were running out of breath. Your body felt utterly devoid of any kind of energy, and you wondered — when was the last time I actually ate something? 

It was far enough back that you couldn’t quite remember, maybe a few days at this point, you really weren’t sure anymore. You’d have to suck it up for training though, because the last thing you wanted was to be confronted by the captain again. 

You chugged back a full glass of water before lacing up your boots and throwing on a convincing facade. People don’t seem to notice something is wrong as long as you're smiling, laughing, and going along with what they say — it’s easy enough to fly under the radar of your fellow scouts. 

Levi’s radar is a little sharper though, and he keeps a close eye on you from the second you walk up to the training grounds. He’s disappointed in your hand to hand combat — it’s sloppy, slow, predictable. Your hands look shaky too, and maybe it's the light playing tricks on him but it looks like the color is draining from your face. 

Things are feeling deplorable on your side — you can barely stand anymore, never mind throw punches or avoid the oncoming attacks. Your vision was starting to tunnel, foggy black surrounding your periphery as you began to lose feeling in your fingertips. You tried desperately to cling onto whatever semblance of consciousness you had left, but failed miserably, your body collapsing to the hard earth beneath you. 

The soft glow of warm candles illuminated the walls around you when you finally woke up from the earlier incident. This wasn’t your room, where the hell were you? You uncomfortably shifted to the side and flinched when you saw your captain sitting in a chair in front of you. His arms were crossed and one of his legs was propped on top of the other, an icey look in his eyes.

“What happened today?” His words were very short and his tone was flooded with irritation — he didn’t even give you a chance to take in your surroundings.

“Ah- I didn’t sleep well last night,” you lied, “And maybe I haven’t been drinking enough water or something”. 

“I’m offended that you think I would fall for such a pitiful lie,” He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “I saw you sneak into the kitchen last night, how long have you been doing that?” 

Your eyes grew wide with anxiety, your heart abruptly dropping to the floor — you made sure to go extra late last night, why the hell was he still up?

You stayed quiet for a moment, pondering over how honest you should be with Levi right now. The two of you had always been a little closer than he was with the other scouts, but unfortunately there was no room for things like love in this world. You also assumed that maybe he never reciprocated your feelings because of your weight — but that was just more toxic fuel to the fire blossoming in your head. 

“Pretty long,” you sighed, ultimately deciding to be fully honest with him, because knowing Levi, he’d continue to see right through your lies anyway. 

“I figured,” He grumbled, uncrossing his legs and leaning back into his chair, “Why?” 

“Everyone around me is thin, I stick out. And, I’m not as agile or flexible as the other scouts either. I just thought that maybe...,” you bit down hard on your bottom lip, rolling onto your back so you wouldn’t have to look at him, “I thought my weight bothered you too, and also that I’d be more useful to the scouts if I was skinnier”. 

“You think I’d like you better if you were dead?” Levi was leaning closer now, heat boiling in his eyes, “Because that’s where you’re headed right now. If you truly think you’ll be more helpful to the scouts when you’re six feet under, you’re delusional. And who the hell gave you the idea that your weight bothered me?”

His harsh words were cold slap in the face, your eyes burning and threatening to spill over with tears. You didn’t want to die, not really, you just didn’t want to hate yourself anymore. 

“No one! I don’t know, I just thought, maybe because I was bigger than you-,” You continued to stammer over your words, tears beginning to leak down your cheeks. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he waved you off, not wanting to push the issue further, “You’re wrong, and I’m hurt that you’d even think that. I’ve never once thought that you were anything other than the way you should be”.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was weak and shaky, but your heart was pounding against your chest at his words. 

“I’m not the person you should be apologizing to, that’s something you owe to yourself” he shook his head and stood up to retrieve two small bowls of food from a nearby table, “I brought you something to eat”.

You watched him intently, pondering over his words about apologizing to yourself.

“It’s only a bowl of soup, so you can start small, yeah?” He offered one of the bowls to you, which you hesitantly took into your hands as you sat up. 

He sat down again across from you again, leaning back and taking a sip of broth from his bowl. You were grateful that he was here, that he was eating with you — it made things a little easier. You grasped the spoon in your hands and scooped up some brothy vegetables before lifting them into your mouth. 

“Good, finish the bowl,” nodded at you, giving you a reassuring look and lifting his own bowl to his lips again. 

The two of you ate in silence until you were finished, and then he sat the bowls back on his nightstand before finding a seat next to you on his bed. 

“Stay here tonight,” he stared at you with his signature tired eyes, but there were hints of concern laced through them now, “We’ll have breakfast together in the morning”. 

“Okay,” you gave him a weak nod, trying desperately to bottle up your growing emotions, but they were becoming too much to bear. 

Small sobs began to rack through your body, your chest tightening and your stomach lurching with anxiety. You were experiencing so many feelings tonight — eating for the first time in days and being here with Levi, it was overwhelming to say the least. 

You could barely see the captain through your blurry vision, but you could feel his arms maneuver themselves around you and pull you against his chest. You stayed like that for a while, Levi’s arms delicately holding you in place while quiet sobs worked their way out of your lips. 

“You’ve dug yourself into a deep hole, I won’t lie to you,” you heard him let out a tired sigh, “And it’s gonna take time and effort for you to dig your way out, but you’ll get there. We’ll start by having breakfast and dinner together every night, how does that sound? Just you and me, no one else has to watch”. 

You nuzzled a tiny nod into his chest, your tears finally running dry. It was a terrifying thought, eating normal again, but you were starting to feel hopeful that you might actually be able to do it. 

And so the two of you met every morning and every evening for your scheduled meals, and day by day things began to get easier. You even found yourself staying over in Levi’s room after dinner and into the morning for breakfast sometimes. Spending so much time together was definitely pushing the two of you to address the feelings you’d been hiding for so long. 

But not everything was perfect, it would be irrational to think it would be. You still have bad nights, where eating is so hard you break down into tears, and where you want nothing more than to rid yourself of the food in your system. It’s a draining process, but Levi works hard to make sure you stay on track with your progress. 

It’s slow, but eventually your face starts to glow again, your skin gets smooth and soft, and the aching pains in your body start to fade. Your war with your body is far from over, but you’re doing what you can, and you’re healing yourself one day at a time.

thank u for reading this, and now i would like to give you a gentle reminder to do something nice for your body today. eating disorders and mental illnesses are huge mountains to climb over, but taking things one day at a time makes it a little easier. try and eat a meal today (even if it’s small), go to sleep early and get some rest, take a shower and rub lotion all over your legs so they feel nice against your blankets when you lay in bed. baby steps are better than no steps at all, so be patient with yourself. n go drink some water, ur body loves that shit

[zalrb]

hi! idk if youve watched manifest (not recommending its a bad show lmao) i watched it by chance with my mom bc it was trending on netflix and now i saw recently that its been renewed and it reminded me of the potential of this one ship. its called jachaela and its an example of ships that have a bad narrative ? or are somehow set up for disaster, which i felt is unfair given the history of the two characters. now bc i am a regular on your blog, i know a thing or two about chemistry and i dont think anything really stands out in that show its just them and baanvi (?) that i like but i dont think they have much chemistry, im just convinced by jared rather. everyone says this ship is toxic and what not but i cant stand the other ship its soooo boring and flavorless and like the female lead is so damn wishy washy, she keeps running away from jared, yet expects him to be there for her like hes still her fiance when shes a whole married woman (to someone else btw). ugh very annoying, i dont recomend but if you could please look at some gifs of jachaela with some context and tell me what you think are examples of ex lovers coming back from the dead and having lingering feelings trope done right bc this show is badly written so obviously they couldnt get this trope right with jachaela.

So I watched a few scenes and literally just went ugh because at least this scene

reminded me so much of Leyton

which reminded me of Delena

and I felt like Tywin Lannister

like any couple who has to say these things are no true soulmates, which isn’t necessarily true it’s just that these are all obnoxious to me because you need chemistry to make melodramatic dialogue work.

I don’t watch this scene

and think they’re tortured and in love, I watch it like get a fucking grip. I hate Olitz so much and if ever “The Light” plays on my spotify, I end up just mocking their dialogue because it’s really fun to do and there is a very big you two are fucking adults response that I have to their relationship but their chemistry makes me believe they’re tortured (just tortured for no good reason because their narrative is weak)

Like watching their scenes reminds me of Cami and Klaus where I’m like you two are trying so hard to create this tension and create this drama and create this feeling around each other

and I can see you straining,

it falls flat

like

really? cause I can’t tell, you’re just staring at each other with dead faces, JTV definitely had its tropes and its dialogue because, you know, telenovela but the chemistry was there so the tropes and the dialogue were enhancements rather than things to rely on

I don’t need “you still take my breath away” because

their angst isn’t strained

Like, I did not grow up with Piper and Leo

and Buffy and Angel

Hell, Ross and Rachel

Olivia and Elliott (WHO WEREN’T EVEN TOGETHER)

Even Ryan and Marissa

for this:

No, no, no, no.

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.