#of course shi had a ton more problems than just... that. but

[euclydya]

i feel so much safer in our system now that [OLD HOST NAME REDACTED] is dormant lol

wait me being back and active was not on our 2025 bingo list what the fuck lmao

[crispycrimebrulee]

🎄25 Days of HXH: Day 3: Knuckle x Wishes🎄

A/N: The song listed is from my favorite Christmas movie, The Polar Express. For some reason it makes me super emotional.

The snow crunched under your feet, occasionally kicking up thin ice sheets that had frosted over the snow, cracking and popping beneath your steps. Stooping down, you wiggled your fingers under the thin sheet, gently tugging a chunk loose. Turning to Knuckle, you handed it to him, watching him gently take it and tap it, only for a piece to crack off and fall, much to his slight dismay. He then stooped down as well, attempting to take a new chunk like you’d done moments earlier. He managed to take one and gingerly placed it in your hands. He looked proud of himself for obtaining a sizable chunk, grinning at you. You popped it between your thumbs, placing the broken pieces over each other and continuously popping them until you had tiny glass like bits in your hands, letting them fall into the snow. Taking Knuckles hand, you continued on through the park, admiring the winter wonderland while it was still here. Believe by Josh Groban

Taglist:  @to-move-on-means-to-grow​ @lifescreams27​ @twistedsmth​ @some-weeb-chick​ @dukinaxael​ @errorpeachy​ @demon-hugger​ @my-child-gaara​ @absolute-flaming-trash​ @yep-seeyalaterbranflakes​ 

Knuckle had asked you to accompany him to the park, embarrassed by Shoot teasing him about wanting to admire the park in its snowy, Christmas decorations, including teasing about being so excited about the Christmas season. In truth, Knuckle rarely got to do anything fun that was Christmas related. It wasn’t because he was working, but because he’s never worked up the courage to go and see things himself. Between Shoot teasing him about his secret affinity for Christmas and genuinely feeling silly to have such a child like feeling towards it, he shied away from participating in the season, other than purchasing gifts for his friends. His family rarely did anything fantastic for the season either, despite him being so enthralled by all the lights and the spectacle of it all. He’d always watched from a distance, and he’d only mentioned a snippet of that revelation and fact to you, causing you to nearly lose your mind, him not having done so much as make a snow angel or make cookies. There was so much more to Christmas than gifts.

Seeing Knuckle quietly mess around with the snow, attempting to make a perfect snowball, hitting the icicles off the tree branches or simply making tons of snow fall from the trees was quite the sight, because the simplest things seemed to spark something in him. Knuckle had made another snowball, walking towards a tree just before chucking the snowball at it.

That was quite the mistake on his part.

The snow from the branches came crashing down, landing on top of him.

You doubled over in laughter as you made your way over to help him as he slowly got up, looking dazed and slightly cold. You brushed snow off his hair and shoulders, taking care to gently rub his rosy cheeks, trying to make sure his face didn’t get too cold.

“You were too close, sweetheart” you laughed, taking care to gently rub snow from his lashes.

“I didn’t think I was that close…” Knuckled looked up, finally taking note of the branches directly above him. 

“Are you alright though? Did any snow get in your jacket?” checking him over, trying to sweep snow out of the hood on his jacket.

“A little bit, but I’m alright, thank you.” Knuckle reassured, blushing at you fussing over him. 

Continuing on with him in the park, you arrived at the center, an open ice skating rink filled with people, mostly couples, skating away in small circles, holding each other. Glances at Knuckle, he was completely taken by this, his eyes flashing from couple to couple, watching them hold each other and their movements, slightly in sync as they would keep each other from falling...or falling all over each other. 

You giggled, for every time you caught him admiring something, his eyes would glow, that special glow that’s only found when something strikes a chord in someone's heart, setting their soul on fire. 

“Do you want to go ice skating some time, Knuckle?” you nudged him, gesturing to the couples on the rink.

“We don’t have to, I was just watching-” he had panic and embarrassment in his voice, peeling his eyes away from the rink.

“You don’t have to be shy about it. If you want to go, we can go!” you said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I would rather not force you, y/n…” looking away from you as he began fiddling with his hair gently.

“I’d love to go with you, Knuckle. It’s not a problem.”

His eyes met yours, full of excitement as he grinned. He nodded with such enthusiasm and force, you were afraid he’d hurt his neck.

You squeezed his hand and kept walking as he went back to absently watch the people on the rink.

“I’ve never been ice skating before, although I doubt I’ll be good at it.” Knuckle mused, letting out a nervous huff.

“Well that’s alright! I still get to spend time with you, so it works out!” poking his cheek, looking at him.

He gasped a little, his cheeks burning red with your casual statement. 

“Thank you, y/n...for all this!” he waved his hand around, gesturing to the trees and snow.

“For...the...park?” you asked, tilting your head.

“No for doing all this with me. I’ve wanted to do stuff like this for so long but…” he trailed off, his eyes suddenly looking distant. 

“Of course I’d do this with you. Why wouldn’t I?” looking at him, trying to read him. 

“Because I’m too old��?” sounding more like a question than an answer. 

You squinted at him, absolutely incredulous. Too old? Too old? Was there an age limit on Christmas activities?

“What does that even mean?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“You know...all the Christmas stuff. I was younger and I always wanted to do it, but I never got the chance.” his eyes looked glazed over as he was lost in thought, lost in memories of dreams long forgotten. “I wished a whole lot that I’d get to do it eventually but I just got older, and people told me I’m too old and...yeah.” 

“Knuckle, honey.”

“Yeah?”

“You aren’t even 30 yet. Even then, that doesn’t stop you from enjoying Christmas.” you rubbed his knuckles gently, your heart melting from seeing the look in his eyes. It was a lonely look, a look deprived of a joy that everyone should feel at least once in their life. 

“I know! I still want to do it! I do! But it feels so silly sometimes, so childish.” his voice sounded angry, on the edge of falling apart. 

You moved your hand to his back, quietly rubbing it as you spoke.

“It’s not childish, it’s different. It’s…special. A Christmas thing, really...I don’t know how to explain but you’ll get it…”

Knuckle sighed, looking distant as he quietly kicked at the snow, nudging the ice sheets with the tip of his boot. He didn’t answer you, just kept walking, his eyes still somber.

“I’m taking you out tonight, Knuckle.” you said, planning something quietly. Whether or not it would work, you had no idea. 

“Eh? Where?!” he looked at you, excited again, forgetting the previous conversation. 

“Can’t tell you that silly. It’s a surprise~” laughing at him as he pouted.

You squeeze his arm, and he pokes and prods at you, trying to get the surprise out of you. For the rest of the walk, all he did was try to figure out just where you were taking him later.

Later that night, around 8pm, you told Knuckle to get ready, since it was time to bring him out again for his surprise. Hearing that, he nearly hurt himself in excitement putting his jacket and scarf on, his questions flying out a mile a minute, once again trying to figure it out. 

Once you were ready, you laced your fingers in his and walked out into the streets, making your way to the city.

Upon entering the city, Knuckle couldn’t hide his pure awe, taking in the city. Cities with skyscrapers and busy streets always had a starstruck type appeal during Christmas. The lights on display in a city were always dazzling, the city holding no punches in putting on a show with the lights and decorations. Cities always had an extra air of love and giving during the holiday season, its inhabitants carrying the atmosphere from person to person. Little pop up shops and carolers were on every corner, so a surprise would be always somewhere for you to find. Knuckles eyes couldn’t stay in one place, flitting from one scene to the next, a smile making its way to his lips, and you could see him falling in love with the city Christmas scene. 

Gently tugging at him, you pointed out little things to him, like the horse drawn carriage (which he gushed about for 20 minutes, begging you to please go with him, to which of course, you obliged because, how could you not?), and to a little shop on the corner of a street, to which he sheepishly bought a Christmas hat (claiming it was for Morel). You both stopped again after some time to get hot chocolate with a candy cane, which sent Knuckle into a tizzy about mixing hot cocoa with a candy cane, how it was smart and delicious all at the same time. He placed a donation in a donation bucket, absolutely falling apart at the thought of people suffering at a time like this, and in general, but especially during the holidays. Eventually, the two of you got to your destination.

Knuckle was speechless.

You’d brought him to a wishing tree, a giant Christmas tree in the center of the city, and it reached the height of some of the office buildings surrounding it, suggesting it to be hundreds of feet tall. As scary as the height of this tree was, it was the decorations that’d clearly caught Knuckle’s eyes. The lights and ornaments traveled up the entire tree, stopping at a massive star on the top, sparkling and glowing. There were gifts beneath the tree as well, hundreds if not thousands of boxes. There was a glow in Knuckle’s eyes as well, completely taken by the sight of this tree. 

“This tree is…” clearly none of the words he was thinking of couldn’t fit, as he fell into a smile, grinning from ear to ear as he shuffled up to the tree, taking a better look at it. 

His brows furrowed, running his fingers over a small envelope stuck to the tree. He flipped it over only to find that it’s sealed with a small stamp as he ran his fingers over it. He inspected a few more, finding the same thing continuously. 

“What’re all these cards for?” he turned to you, holding up a card.

“It’s a wishing tree!” walking over to him, gazing at the tree. “You write your wish on a card and seal it, put it on the tree and it comes true!”

Knuckle’s eyes lit up again as he took note of the hundreds of cards all over the tree.

“Can...can I write one…?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Of course, hun. That’s why I brought you here. I figured you’d get to make your wishes come true.” you smiled at him as he stared at you. 

He blinked and immediately flushed red, hiding his face in his scarf.

Walking over to a small table, he took a card as you followed suit, taking a card as well. You scribbled something, thinking about a good wish. Finishing, you looked at Knuckle, his face deep in concentration as he slowly wrote out a wish, clearly taking this to heart. Handing it to the person at the table, they sealed it and stuck it to the tree, waving to you as you walked off. 

Stopping in front of the tree again, you nudged Knuckle.

“Sooooooo what’d ya wriiiiiiiiiiite?” poking at his side.

“I can’t tell you that!” he pouted, squinting at you, “It won’t come true if I tell you!”

“Can I get a hint?” asking again, batting your lashes at him.

“No way!” turning his nose up. However, he glanced at you, pursed his lips and sighed. 

“You’re on the card…” he muttered, seeming upset with himself for giving you a hint.

“You wished...for me?

“No! Well, sort of, but that’s all you’re getting.” his resolve is strong, looking at you. 

You stopped and stood in front of him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, feeling him turn to putty in your arms. A soft kiss, gentle and warm, with a hint of sweet peppermint from earlier. You attempted to pull away but he pulled you back, his lips feeling desperate, wanting you closer for longer. 

You finally pulled away, letting your gaze slowly meet his, his eyes hazy and soft. 

He spoke first, his voice low and sweet.

“That Christmas feeling...you told me about…”

“Yeah?” you nodded slowly, wondering if he truly got it.

“Yeah.” he nodded in return, making you smile.

You took his hand, continuing your adventure through the city.

And it’s this feeling, the feeling of your heart swelling, full of an emotion that really has no name. A feeling of Christmas that’s universal in the hearts of children and those with love left to give. The feeling when the city’s lights look particularly beautiful, dazzlingly bright, only second to the sparkle of pure awe in the eyes of those that still dream. The feeling of waking up late one morning, seeing the world graced by fresh snow, sparkling in the late morning sun and being unable to keep a smile from gracing your face, overwhelmed with excitement in anticipation to play in the snow with friends. Maybe it’s the feeling of happiness in baking cookies with those you love, stealing bits of cookie dough, only to be far more enraptured by fresh baked cookies and hot chocolate, adding just a bit too many marshmallows to the mix. It could be singing your favorite Christmas songs with friends, letting them take you back to Christmas’ that have passed, memories nearly long forgotten, only to bubble to the surface listening to overplayed Christmas classics. Is it the scents of Christmas? Peppermint and myrrh, frankincense or the smell of sugar cookies and cozy, sweet aromas floating around, making you hungry yet in need of a good nap. Everyone will say the feeling of Christmas, the emotions of it all is caused by something different, and there is no universal correct answer, only the agreement that the feeling exists and that it’s powerful. The feeling of dreamers, believers and those with hearts full of hope, hope that refuses to die. The feeling of being young, innocent and full of life, still awestruck by the wonders of the world that are so large and staggering to those who can still believe in magic. And sure, the feeling fades away after New Years, the realities of life slowly crawling back, shaking the feeling of hope and wonder from hearts that truly need it. Maybe that’s a blessing of the Christmas season, reminding people that hope and wonder and love still exists. 

[kendochick-moor]

April 2010 - SaiMono - Ryuuki/Shuurei, Kochou/Seiran - Modern Uni AU of some sort...

n      need to re-work this to make it fit into the Modern University/College AU with Ryuuren x Shuurei x Eigetsu family love/fluff

n      need to write at least 1-2 one-shots where Seiran is escorting/meeting Shuurei to walk her ‘home’ from her job (write one-shot explaining fully why she’s working there?...)

n      need to write one-shot where Seiran x Kouchou are together, explain/hint at their relationship?

n      Need to write one-shot that explores Ryuuki’s situation a bit (thrust into being head of business/capital? Is known by reputation only, is a loner, is lonely, doesn’t get to socialize much, finds Seiran by chance, hangs out with him when he can, as Seiran is only person who sees him as ‘Ryuuki’, not ‘Mr. Shi.”…)

n      Need to write/consider the police force / justice system, where other characters fit in.

n      Shouka? Ensei? Reishin? Kijin/Kou?

n      Kouyuu / Shuei / Shuei & Shusui?

n      Eiki. Three Grand Guardians (Shou Taishi, Sou Taifu, Sa Enjun)

n      Also, completely re-do Seiran-searching-for-Kouchou scenes, they are stupid, useless, fanservicey, and could be tons better if given more thought/originality.

******************************

Word count: approx. 5,300 words

Genre: Modern AU, romance

Chars: Shuurei x Ryuuki, Seiran x Kouchou, Ensei

Summary: It takes a village to raise a… date?

******************************

“Do you really think this is the right time?” the pale-haired young man looked back at his older brother as the latter gently—but firmly—guided him towards the door of his apartment.

“Everything will be fine,” assured Seiran with a confident, if tired, sigh. Really, if he didn’t get Ryuuki out the door soon then Shuurei would be left waiting by herself in the cold night outside the cram school where she tutored. The walk from the office building, where the cram school was located, to the bus stop was short but passed through a few unsavoury parts of the city before it connected with the main thoroughfare. Usually Seiran would ‘coincidentally’ meet her on his way home, make sure she made it as far as her connection to the subway, and then be on his way back to his apartment in the opposite direction. The subway was well-policed and brightly lit, and there was a stop just one intersection away from her dorm. The dorm that was located in one of the safest neighbourhoods in the city. He’d made sure of that, with a bit of help.

The after-hours habit had been that way for the better part of the past year, since she’d started working at the Learning Center to make the money she needed for her university tuition. Their routine would have continued that way (with Shuurei none the wiser to how  deliberate –and out of his way—his nightly detour truly was) if it hadn’t been for the fact that Seiran’s fiancée, Kochou, was due to return from her business trip that afternoon and he had promised to collect her from the airport. And she’d called him from the stop-over airport, early that morning, to relate to him that, wonder of wonders, she’d just run into their old friend Ensei, and wouldn’t it be fantastic if they all got together? She thought so—and had talked Ensei into re-arranging his plans so he could come back with her to Kiyou. Surely Seiran didn’t have a problem with that? Good, because she was sure everything would be fine and they’d see him by lunchtime.

The plane had now been delayed by several hours.

So far, Seiran hadn’t been able to reach Shuurei, or his fiancée, and while he knew both women were more than capable of taking care of themselves… he worried. He told himself that logically, nothing would happen, everything was fine, and he was just being a mother hen. That really, they were in safe places, surrounded by a ridiculous number of security cameras, and knew better than to wander off. (With Ensei, or random people who asked her for help, in Shuurei’s case.)

That of course the pair of intelligent women would stick to well-lit spaces, avoid talking to strangers, and stay out of trouble… With Ensei.

Unconsciously his right eyebrow twitched at the incongruity of his secret dream and the reality that faced him. Why were all the women he knew danger-magnets?

Well if he couldn’t be in two places at once, he’d at least make sure someone was.

And if he happened to have noticed his little brother making puppy dog eyes at Shuurei when he’d joined him on a few recent excursions, well, there were worse escorts.

At this, Ensei’s rakish grin sprang immediately to mind, accompanied by its usual companion, the Industrial-Grade Migraine.

His younger brother’s voice broke through the painful haze rapidly fogging his brain. “What’s wrong? Why are you angry? Did I do something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” rubbing a hand over his face to ease the tension that had clued his younger brother in to his mood, Seiran begged the powers that be for patience. Nothing is wrong, he repeated internally, nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong…

* - *

Ryuuki had parked at the subway station, ridden to the stop near Shuurei’s office, and walked the rest of the way in an outwardly calm manner, but his insides a nervous rush. He barely noticed his surroundings, except for one last errand…

The flower shops he’d passed were all closed – he’d wanted to get her flowers. But wait—would that be too formal? It wasn’t a ‘proper’ date, it was just collecting her, wasn’t it? Then he shouldn’t be trying so hard. Or should he? Should he be trying to impress her? What had his ani-ue said?!

“It’s ok,” he heard his brother’s voice in his head, “this is supposed to be casual. Kochou just wanted to have dinner together, so you go get Shuurei, and we’ll meet at the restaurant.”

Right, of course.

“Just be yourself,” Seiran had smiled at him, before patting him on the head and literally shoving him out the door.

The young man was convinced something was bothering his ani-ue by that point. And sending him off on his own to meet Shuurei? He’d never done that before!

“—uuki!”

And what if she didn’t like ‘himself’, he wondered slowly. What if she liked someone else? Was she seeing anyone else? He sped up, both his heartrate and his step, and doubt settled coldly into his belly.

“Ryuuki!”

The preoccupied man’s thoughts spiraled. He’d never had the confidence to ask her if she was involved, since he’d been so worried about the possibility of her answer being, “Yes, with the man of my dreams!”– and in his mind, how could someone like her not be seeing someone? Now he was terrified he may be rejected, and then what would they do for dinner?! This was a big night for his ani-ue and his fiancée, Kochou—what if he’d ruined it? Oh no, what if he ruined their entire relationship? His brother would never forgive him!

“Ryuuki! Is that you? Wait up!”

(A young woman’s voice rose in mounting concern, but the blond man’s focus was entirely inwards and he missed the repeated calls.)

The worried young man skidded to a stop at the thought that he’d just irreparably damaged the happiest part of his brother’s life.

It was all his fault--!

Suddenly he startled as someone grabbed his arm. 

“Ryuuki, slow down!” huffed Shuurei.

She leaned over her knees to catch her breath a moment before straightening up to look at him again, cheeks pinked. She pushed some of her loosened hair back behind her ear. “I just chased you for nearly a block –you looked so worried! Is something wrong? Can I help?”

Her beautiful dark eyes, large in her concern for him, shone in the darkness as she held on to him, refusing to let him go.

And his mouth went dry.

Then his brain fizzled out.

And he opened the former before the latter had re-engaged.

Whirling on her and grabbing her hands desperately in his, he pulled her to him (“Whu-Ryuuki! What’s going on-!”) and pleaded,

“You need to come to dinner! It’s the only way to save them!”

* * *

Shuurei paused, her eyebrows knit, and she remembered something Seiran had once mentioned to her about his little brother. “He always means well. But he can be a bit… impulsive.”

Ahhhhh… so ‘impulsive’ is Seiran-ese for ‘total spaz’, the young woman quickly deduced. It was so… Seiran… to try to put his little brother’s quirks, said brother being someone he cared deeply for, in a good light.

Actually…

Shuurei paused again…

Seiran’d been talking Ryuuki up to her quite a bit recently. Subtly, always subtly, but definitely a lot, for him. The pieces started clicking into place in her mind, and she controlled a reflexive eye twitch. Great. Her ‘big brother’ was playing matchmaker between her and his little brother. Spazzy little brother.

Oh, brother.

The aforementioned man’s face was inches from hers, still anxious. But noting how sincere he was, how determined he was to take care of his family, and how fiercely he gripped her hands—ow--, Shuurei stifled the urge to sigh and took a calming breath, hoping her escort had absorbed some of her pacifism.

“Ryuuki?” she repeated again patiently, cautiously, for she was sure it was at least the sixth time. She couldn’t help her voice pitching a bit high. She’d never appreciated how strong he was, or that he must work with his hands. The long, tapered fingers gripping hers were rougher than she’d expected. Not that she’d thought about him, or his hands, much. Really. Just once or twice, in passing. As she waved goodbye to him and Seiran, or as she went to bed alone in her dorm apartment. Wondering why she’d catch him looking at her from time to time on their way from her work to the subway…

“Hands,” she burst out, to reel herself back in from her distracting thoughts. She gave a faint tug, not actually trying to pull her hands from his warmth. Well, ok, now it was starting to hurt, but if he’d loosen his grip just a little bit, it wouldn’t be so bad. He had lovely hands, she noticed, the longer he held her, strong and competent, and wow, he must work out…

“Huh?”

This time, he truly looked at her; then down at their tightly clasped fingers; then understanding dawned on him when he became conscious of how white her trembling hands had become in his grip.

“I’m so sorry-!”

“Ah!” she shook her hands carefully, just a tiny bit, as he threw them away from him and stepped back a few inches to give her some space.

“Thank you,” she breathed and smiled at him.

“I didn’t mean to-!”

“-it’s ok!,” she sighed, covertly massaging her hands within the loose sleeves of her coat. That felt a bit better, and she refused to admit she felt even a touch disappointed. Already she missed his warmth. Just not the… enthusiasm. “So, Kochou and Seiran mentioned something about dinner tonight. Are we heading over to meet them?”

“I love you, please go out with me!” he wanted to exclaim, but wisely kept that part locked up behind the closed doors of his eager subconscious. He really didn’t need to scare her off with his desperate infatuation… yet.

“Yes,” he replied instead. One thing at a time, he reminded himself. Things had gotten off to a rocky start, but he just had to convince her he was worth her time, and that would help resolve any lingering misgivings. And he could always call his ani-ue to help him smooth things over if he really botched collecting Shuurei. He really hoped it wouldn’t come to that, though. He wanted to do this on his own. He’d liked her for months now, he just needed to get himself together and talk to her, without Kouchou or his ani-ue breaking the ice or ‘helping’ him out.

So far, though, she looked pretty… happy to see him, actually! His heart soared. Yes, tonight would be the night! He tried to keep his grin under wraps as his ‘date’ started speaking again.

Nodding brightly, Shuurei straightened her coat and tucked her now mittened-hands into her pockets. “Well, let’s go then. The battery on my cell died earlier this afternoon, so I didn’t get a chance to confirm things with Seiran. Do you know where we’re going?”

This time, he nodded at her and pointed back the way he’d come. “Kouchou-neesan chose it. I think we’ll have one of the private rooms for the night, so we can wait there for them. Her plane is late.”

Falling into step beside Shuurei, the young man heard her make a sympathetic sound in her throat. “And she’d been hoping to make it back early this time, too! She’s had so many business trips recently, she must be exhausted.”

“I’m sure my brother will take good care of her,” Ryuuki found the conversation came easily this time, and reveled in having Shuurei’s undivided attention. “So, how have you been?...” He held his breath. Well, gotta ask sometime, he thought. “Seeing anyone these days? Oh, are you ok!?”

“Oh, fine, thanks, sorry, tripped over my own feet, hahaha…” She straightened up, face definitely more red than pink now. Well, he hadn’t wasted time, she’d give him that…  “Uh, no, not… not seeing anyone…”

When she made to let go of his arm (which she’d grabbed when she stumbled), he tightened his hold and caught her arm between his elbow and side, not letting her go. While she bit her lip for a second, she didn’t protest. And after a few moments, she relaxed and hooked her arm properly through his. (Because it was more comfortable that way, she told herself, and didn’t look as ridiculous as being pulled along. That was all.) Of course, she had no idea that she was nearly beaming at him, just so sincerely flattered, when he glanced down at her.

For his part, Inner!Ryuuki cheered.

Yes, he could definitely get used to this now that he knew she didn’t have a boyfriend, the young man thought to himself.  (What a relief! Why did he wait so long again?) He could get used to it very easily. Hopefully, she would, too, he thought optimistically. Another peek at her profile, her eyes bright and happy, convinced him it might not be as difficult as he’d dreaded to win her over.

*- *

Forty-five minutes.

Seiran glanced again at the illuminated message board that listed the flights that had arrived and what gates they should pick up their baggage from, and he checked the nearby clock.

Her flight had arrived over an hour ago, and he’d been waiting there, just outside the baggage carousel’s security gate, for nearly forty-five minutes, and she wasn’t there. All the bags had been picked up; the information desk had confirmed everyone had left the plane; and no one had missed it leaving its last terminal in Kou province. It had been a full flight, no free seats.

Even in first class, where Seiran was sure Kouchou and Ensei would have been sitting. Together. Causing trouble…

The migraine flared and Seiran’s cheek twitched at the pain. Then he unclenched his jaw and tried to think again of where the pair would have disappeared to.

It was a random, though casual, scene, but as the tall young man turned to look around the terminal, his eyes caught on the sight of several tired pilots steering their baggage behind them as they headed to an escalator. They were laughing about their shift being “finally over!” for the night, and they “couldn’t wait to kick back & relax”.

The sign hanging above them indicated, “WINGNUTS à” .

Seiran felt his shoulders wilt a bit.

After depositing even more money into the parking meter, he trudged up the escalator to the increasingly raucous noise that welcomed one and all to the terminal’s beverage lounge…

*-*

“Anything yet?”

Ryuuki glanced at his phone. No missed calls, no voicemail, no text messages or e-mail. “Nothing. He hasn’t found her yet.”

“Hmmm… Maybe we should order some appetizers for ourselves?” Shuurei wondered aloud, leaning across the table to glance at the time illuminated on the front of Ryuuki’s cellphone before sitting back down her in seat again. “Oh no!” she exclaimed suddenly, her eyes fixed on the windows of the restaurant, just behind them.

Her company turned to look in her direction, and realized the problem.

“Was there supposed to be a blizzard today? I thought it was just a light snowfall!” he said, forgetting about the phone.

“That’s what I thought, too! Oh no, do you think they’re having problems landing?”

“Seiran would have called if that were the case,” he assured her. “More than likely they’re missing each other in the terminal. They just put the new addition on – maybe they’re still re-routing some passengers and flights?”

“Yes… Well…” her voice drifted off as she considered their situation. “How about we order and let Seiran know? We can always bring their food to them, and meet up for coffee at their place after dinner to chat.” Decision made, she looked to him for confirmation.

And that would mean a nice, private tete-a-tete dinner between the two of them….

“… no sense letting good food go to waste,” he agreed, and they signaled the waiter.

*-*

“Sure I saw them!”

Seiran nodded politely to the bartender to continue. It was the fourth bartender he’d spoken with. WINGNUTS apparently was a multi-level establishment, with different locations that catered to different clientele. Very particular clientele.

“I believe they were part of the conga line that went over to the Leather Fairy,” said the man, pointing helpfully at the bar two hops down the conveyor-belt walkway.

“Thank you,” the tired fiancé-turned-chauffeur roused himself from the stool he’d been leaning on and made his way over to the…

… ah, this one had a cross-dressing theme, he observed with another eye twitch…

… next bar.

Noting that it really shouldn’t have taken him 5 saloons to catch on that Kouchou and Ensei were leading him on a wild goose chase, Seiran sighed inside and soldiered on.

“Well helloooooo handsome! What can we do for you tonight?”

…. Why did it have to be a cross-dressing bar with a leather-or-feather dress code? And who’d allowed this kind of establishment to be built within an airport?! The last place had been a Tiki-styled family grill!

The Tiki had been Ensei, he mused dismally. The leather was definitely Kouchou.

As the greeter cheerfully offered up a leather vest or a fluffy boa to him before they’d allow him entrance, Seiran couldn’t help the heavy mantle of despair that slid onto his weary shoulders.

Oh wait, that was his new vinyl cape. (With matching fitted mask, it seemed, as he felt the elastic settling over his ears.) He sensed Ensei’s hand in this, somehow. The man had always had a fascination with capes…

Normally, he would never undergo this, he thought murderously, and wished he could set his glare to Maximum Punishment Beam. But his fiancé tended to tease him mercilessly about that. Or upstage him in that department. Not that he had much pride, (really, he didn’t), but he’d learned early on that that pride wasn’t worth the wrath of an angry Kouchou.

Speaking of, where was she—

The silver-haired man stopped short at the sight before him. Even through the mask, the form clad in glitter and spandex was unmistakable; the sashay in clear heels, the long, lustrous hair, the gown that was clearly more at home on a runway than an airport lounge.

And the 3-day old stubble confirmed it.

Oh hells…

“Ensei, if you come near me wearing that, I will not hesitate to defend myself.”

*-*

The weather that greeted Ryuuki & Shuurei outside the restaurant was nothing short of a white-out.

Ryuuki thanked someone on the phone, and returned to Shuurei’s side with a concerned grimace on his face.

“Any luck?”

“The taxi companies are all booked solid, and they have long waits since so many of the major roads are closed until the ploughs get through,” he informed her, helping her into her jacket.

Shuurei looked grimly at the frozen landscape, not liking their odds. “I haven’t seen a bus pass by since we noticed the heavy snowfall start, two hours ago. I think they’re sidelined, too.”

Which left them with few choices to get themselves home – and they weren’t dressed for the ‘trudging through sleet and snow’ option.

Well, not for very far, at least, admitted Ryuuki as he considered their alternatives. Unless she didn’t mind not going home…

“Do you think you could walk for 15 to 20 minutes in that?” he asked her, studying her reaction.

“Do you know someone nearby?” she asked hopefully. “I’m sure we can make it at least an hour! Better than building a fort in a snowbank…”

“Let me call Seiran to let him know we’re heading out…”

* * *

Kouchou smiled engagingly at the two men as she leaned comfortably back in her fetish chair.

“Really, you’d think you didn’t enjoy this. You should be smiling, you’re the most popular men in the bar at the moment!” she teased, sipping a cup of brandy through full, red lips. Her darkly painted and precisely manicured nails tapped the side of the glass from time to time, beating a slow, irregular rhythm.

“What about Ryuuki and Shuurei? They’re out in the storm, aren’t they?” asked Ensei, showing his usual concern for the young woman they all treated like family. He shifted subtly in his chair to relieve the stress certain parts of his attire were incurring on his person.

“Ah yes, they were to have dinner tonight with us, weren’t they? Did they meet up and find the restaurant all right?”

Seiran watched her feigned curiosity levelly. Then he knew.

“You set this up.”

“Did I? Really? I just thought it would be good for little Ryuuki to show a bit of initiative,” she corrected mildly, and held her glass out to the side for another refill as the waiter (waitress? wondered Seiran—it was hard to tell with the make-up) politely poured her another drink. “And he just called to say he was settling them into one of his hotels, didn’t he? My, my, darling… You taught him well, didn’t you?”

He refused to blush. Was she really insinuating his brother was following in his footsteps? If so… No, better not to follow that path of thought, he decided.

But, how had Kouchou known? He wondered briefly how long his beautiful, razor-witted fiancée had been aware of his brother’s attraction to Shuurei, and how long it had taken her to engineer this little rendez-vous between them (and timed it so exactly to the storm front’s snowfall), and felt a slight shiver on his spine. He was never, ever crossing this woman.

Loved her more than life itself, yes.

… but still, a little bit afraid of her, too.

* * *

“What a lucky break!” gushed Shuurei, gazing around their suite from their shared living room. “You know the owner of this hotel chain? Please tell them thank you so much the next time you meet!”

She unwrapped her scarf and held out her arms as Ryuuki helped her out of her coat, hanging it in the closet by the door. She glanced back at him curiously for a moment, surprised at his gentlemanly behaviour, then realized he’d been doing such little things for her all evening. Opening doors, pulling out her chair, arranging for a stay that night at the luxury hotel his ‘family friend’ owned…

“This place is very nice – please let me know how much it comes to, I’ll pay you back with my next paycheque.”

He bit back a reply of, “No need,” knowing she wouldn’t accept the generosity. So… he’d just have to ‘forget’ or ‘lose the receipt’ by the time she asked him for it. It was one of the business-class executive suites, one that was usually reserved for close family friends or when businessmen travelled for meetings, hence the living room. There were far more upscale ones in this particular hotel, but he knew she would have objected to staying in one of those… so this suited their purposes far better. And the fact the hotel itself was part of his own conglomerate (not that Shuurei knew that), well, that just ensured top level service from the staff. (Though he’d had to send Shuurei to sit in the lobby café a moment as he ‘arranged their room’ with the desk staff when they first arrived. The obvious fawning from the clerks and staff would have clued Shuurei in immediately to the situation, otherwise.)

“There are warmed robes in each of our bathrooms,” he took her through her room to show her, “and there are kettles with tea and coffee if you still need to warm up. Room service is complimentary,” (for us, he added internally), “so if you need anything during the night, don’t hesitate to let them know. Also, the staff said they’d be happy to launder our clothes for us overnight and have them ready for us in the morning.”

Shuurei just stared at him a moment, skeptically.

“And you know all this because?...”

Damnit, he’d said too much; she’d cottoned on.

“The front desk staff were very helpful.”

Still watching him for a moment, she raised an eyebrow but said nothing more.

“Breakfast will arrive around 8am. Is there anything I can do for you, before I go to my room? You look like you want to rest. You mentioned you had class in the morning… unless they’re cancelled, that is. Do they cancel university classes in bad weather?”

He was babbling, and shut up before he further embarrassed himself. He didn’t want to go; he wanted to sit with her, keep talking with her, and greedily draw her focus entirely to him. He hadn’t realized how fascinating she truly was, how intelligent, but he had a much better idea now, and was slowly coming to the conclusion that he’d like more than a simple relationship with her. He wanted more than the occasional rushed lunch or quick wave as they happened to pass each other; more than random conversation over dinner with friends; more than a ‘what if…’ look that passed between them from time to time. For now, it was a start, but he wanted to build on that with her. He wanted her to have everything she wanted, to achieve every goal she set for herself, to support her in her pursuits, and to help soften the blow if and when she fell—and he knew she would, she was just so idealistic and pragmatic, it would draw others to her to support and discourage her in equal measure, and he wanted nothing more than to banish those impediments from her path, except for the fact he knew she would resent him for his own interference. He wanted all of that for her, and he wanted to be a part of it with her. And knowing all this and what it meant, and how it might feel like he’d rushed into these conclusions but had in reality known her, been getting to know her through snatches of conversation and random encounters through his brother for months, it may have been a bit overwhelming... And he would admit, it was partly reckless, to want so much, after so little time actually spent solely in each other’s company. Was he perhaps obsessive, he wondered? To finally know someone who treated him as a person without wanting anything else from him in return (though he had a feeling his brother had not felt the need to inform her of his background, and it hadn’t come up explicitly between them yet, either…). That may change, of course, when she realized who he truly was; he would need to prepare for that eventuality. His soaring mood dampened a bit at that. From what he’d gathered from Shuurei’s disposition so far, she was from a family of scholars, formerly old money, but that had stopped pursuing knowledge for financial gain. She would figure him out soon enough, it was only a matter of time. Seiran had filled in the blanks surrounding her upbringing for him, when he’d made an occasional off-hand remark about Shuurei’s family. It seemed like she didn’t hold much regard for those of the ‘upper’ echelons of society. He hadn’t asked her outright, but there seemed to be something that had happened in the past that had soured her opinion of them. When they were just a bit more comfortable with each other, he would have to find a way to ask without giving himself away. (He had a feeling he’d be calling his brother for advice at some point in the near future…)

But she was so bright. Everything she did, she did with heart and determination. And he admired her for that. In a way, he wanted to be like her – to have that drive and boldness (even if he knew it was a pipe dream for himself in his position). Perhaps that was why he wanted to stay with her, to absorb her enthusiasm for life, her work and life ethic. But to ask for so much now from her would be ridiculous, presumptuous, avaricious; it would take time to build on their burgeoning trust, to see that trust into a warmer friendship, and then, if he was careful enough, more. She’d already shown she was comfortable with his company, to some extent, even trusting him enough to share a hotel suite with him – and he doubted he’d imagined it when she’d pulled closer to him as they vaulted over waist-high, ploughed banks of snow and ice (she’d insisted it was to keep their balance, but he didn’t think she would have blushed and nibbled at her bottom lip about keeping her balance). But he was well aware suggesting they cuddle together for warmth for the night would not go over well now that they weren’t shivering in thigh-high slush and sleet.

So much whirled through the young man’s mind as he watched Shuurei watching him thoughtfully in return. So much had been set in motion now that they had finally had an evening together, without the usual buffering from his brother or Kouchou. And now, thanks to the absence of their older ‘siblings’ and the opportunity to really start to ‘know’ the woman standing across from him, he wanted, finally, so much to start showing someone he was capable. To show her he was worth her rare, valuable time.

“I don’t have class until 10:30am tomorrow, actually,” she said finally, still watching him with a curious look. “And yes, with weather like this, the roads may be bad enough that they cancel classes for a day. Don’t you remember from your time in university?...”

“I didn’t get to go to university. I had to go to work,” to look after my father’s company, when his health failed, he thought. If he’d been born into a normal, regular family, he may have considered going to university – and if his older brothers hadn’t passed away (or vanished, in Seiran’s case), he may still have had the opportunity. But when he’d been the only one left, his choices had been revoked, his path decided.

And he hadn’t realized what his words had implied until he saw the expression on Shuurei’s face change.

“You didn’t get to… Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--. And all through tonight we were talking about my studies--.”

“It’s ok!” he rushed, and before he could think better of it, blurted out, “I was planning on talking to someone at the university and taking a few courses soon anyway, at night!”

Which wasn’t a lie, exactly, more along the lines of a half-truth; he’d be giving the class to the MBA students, not the other way around…

But it seemed to work in his favour – as Shuurei suddenly brightened enthusiastically and her mouth dropped open in happy surprise.

“I can take you around campus, if you want? Are you free on…”

And there it was once more, her generosity all over again. In spite of how busy her own schedule was, she wanted to help him so he would have the same opportunities she did.

But he told himself he wasn’t misleading her or abusing that generosity… just… accepting it and its benefits, as he smiled back at he and agreed yes, he’d love to meet up with her again…

* * *

The next day, Seiran shrugged awake in his bed – it had taken them hours to get home from the airport the night before, or more appropriately, until close to dawn that morning. He spied Kouchou slipping her cellphone back into her dressing gown pocket as she sat up in bed sipping her coffee.

The silver-haired man debated a moment whether or not to ask why she wore such a self-satisfied Cheshire grin.

Then, remembering the events of the night before, he closed his eyes and feigned sleep again.

From her position atop the pillows, the beautiful woman glanced down at him and smiled, not missing his strategic retreat.

[schiste-argileux]

Idw Prowl is an evil SOB (took him two years to send the Wreckers to Garrus-9 and help Maxy (who was protecting all the war crimes the Bots did), put Maxy’s torturer and a war criminal on board the Lost Light cuz why not, sent Pharma to Delphi knowing it was DJD territory)

Prowl... Prowl’s creation and competence in his area of work is astounding. He is brilliant, creative, and defiantly apathetic of this world. But, he is very human in his own way. IDW Prowl is selfish, yet not. He is a unique in that aspect because most people make decisions like his for the sole reason of benefiting themselves. But Prowl’s sole reason of existing is to create PEACE. 

Peace. Peace can only be done when people are complacent, happy, and satisfied. When things are stationary. Stable. 

But life is never stable. Elements desire to form bonds, yet are almost always leaning towards to instability... Prowl’s form of PEACE is a world where there is no fighting. But everything sentient requires to fulfill its desires. As long as there is desire, people will fight. 

A world of PEACE would be a world of full control, there are no surprises, no change. Safety, routines, and constants. No creativity, no development... nothing. stagnant. 

But I must admire Prowl’s tenacity and dedication to this world! 

He sacrifices everything for the sake of the directive, preserve cybertron, PEACE. He sacrifices his morals (Robot Gets Bullied By a Human), his dignity (Recent News, Cop Accepts Orgy For The Means of Establishing Peace, his body (Recent News, Cop gets Molested by A Spider for The Autobot Cause), and of course, thousands of lives (Not Recent News). :D Prowl respects and understands that there will always be chaos and instability, and he is so very flexible around it all! He literally can maximize everything and anything he has. He is the embodiment of consequentialism with a lil dash of politics. I wish my group project members were 1% as productive as him! Prowl tries to put everything black and white, and he gets upset when things get far more tricky, and wants to get everything in control so people can stay safe and remain in peace and not fight! And that’s a respectable goal! Control can be good, it means one understands and is able to retain themselves and the thing they are controlling. But Prowl doesn’t want to accept that there are things out of his control. And Prowl likes to think he’s justified when he controls the uncontrollable. 

I mean, yeah, if he didn’t do what he did, the autobots would have been six feet under A LOT EARLIER. Optimus is not a good leader, preserving organic life over his own soldiers? Psh. Look at Spike, he’s got valid points and can I understand why he left the ‘bots. Prowl’s probably thinking everyday, DAMN, OP, WHY R U SO DUMB. LISTEN WE NEED TO FEED OUR SOLDIERS AND PRIORITIZE OUR SPECIES LIVES INSTEAD OF THIS FUCKING CARBON BASED CIRCLE. HELLO??? And literally Prowl could have been like I’m gonna get ya assassinated so I CAN HAVE IT MY WAY. But Prowl was BORN for the RULES. To follow, to MAKE PEACE. Killing the prime figurehead is against that, even if it would make his life way easier! (hence, not that selfish and also sad that your life is the rules. That’s a short leash, but he makes due)

Honestly I feel bad for Prowl. Must suck to be so big brain that everyone hates you when you say the truths (but also you could learn some more tricks from Jazz to be nicer and hide the truth, but that’s scary because a nicer prowl means more people he can trick and use. Thanks Prowl for being so straightforward! Now people can avoid you easier). He's so straightforward about things that need to be done, he’s in constant denial about the grey area of life!

That’s why when Spike slapped Prowl with reality slaps, Prowl lost some of his shit. Remember, nearly everyone had the edgy depressed time in their teens or young adult years where you realize the world is truly unfair and nothing is black and white? Yeah. Slap that on a 6+ million year old robot with a battle computer and is capable of big brain CPU-age, and was literally built for the sole purpose of enforcing rules and making peace? And no one really cared about Prowl enough to understand him and his background. So Prowl goes through his angst moment alone with his huge titties, frustrated. THIS. IS. WHY. YOU. COMMUNICATE. YA DINGUS. 

Prowl doesn’t become a school shooter like Pharma cuz hes got bigger brain and a lot more power and control over himself, but he literally becomes Shadow The Hedgehog (Even if the world’s against me I’ll fight like I’ve always have). HE’S GONE ROGUE. MA’AM, SIR, THE FUCKING OREO COOKIE HAS TRANSFORMED AND ROLLED OUT.  like. OP was the one thing holding prowl back, which was good! But now prowl’s on the roll and bumblebee is too nice and passive to hold him back. + the bombshell brainwash? feels so bad. being prowl sucks. because Prowl is a necessary evil. 

At least he’s wonderfully blunt about his goal to create a peaceful cybertron, which makes it easier if you want to avoid him or smth. meanwhile you have fake people IRL that smile their way through and then slit your throat and you won’t even know it was them (hey jazz, no offense, but that’s what spec ops does). Fakers are the scariest enemy, but Prowl is still a threat, just not as big as a someone who fluffs you up on a balloon and then pops it. Prowl would just be like, hey, you’re really useful, come over here in my white van i wanna show you something and then maybe you get destroyed. But hey! You were the one with the highest chance of surviving compared to other people! Isn’t that great? You’re so skilled WOW. (Prowl gets punched. Again!) Prowl represents the necessary evil in society. We WILL ALWAYS HAVE EVIL people in this world. But Prowl is a far better evil than people who do evil for their own selfish reasons. It’s like how we have law enforcers and politicians . It’s basically giving them legal rights to do illegal things (lmao). BUT we need them regardless. We need those people to get their hands dirty, possibly killed, so that people can live in innocence and peace. 

I don’t think Prowl ever realized that he was a necessary evil, and when Spike showed him that, he was bitter. But he accepted it. Which I respect because most people can’t be bothered to understand themselves and just throw themselves in denial, and point fingers for their flaws. Prowl sucks up and understands who he is, and he makes the best of it to achieve his goal.  I mean, honestly? Prowl is probably a miracle worker. Not in a Ratchet sense. But look at the way modern governments run, nothing gets done, everything is stalled because no one has the guts to make sacrifices. Prowl would have gotten a shit ton of things done, man, and take quick efficient action. Even if he sacrifices many things for it.  (Warning. I do not condone any taking of lives, NO ONE has the right to judge whenever a person should live or die.)  Prowl reminds me of 秦始皇 (Qin Shi Huang), the king who unified China and sacrificed millions to make the Great Wall, canals, and road systems that last to this day. If it wasn’t for these accomplishments, China wouldn’t have been what it is today. Was it a good thing? For the future residents of China? Hell yeah. But the costs? Those are sins that can never be erased, and they are horrible and shouldn't be done ever again. Was it necessary? Perhaps. But that’s another discussion. Is Prowl evil? Depends on your definition of evil. Perhaps he’s justified, perhaps in his world, he’ll go down as the Qin Shi Huang of the Cybertronians. Regardless, Prowl like Pharma, is an EXCELLENT example to study on public ethics, and administrative officials should analyze him and learn from his mistakes and sins.  I think Prowl is not evil in a sense that he wishes to harm others, but evil in a sense of his apathy. Prowl is a necessary component to a functional society (someone to plot, to use people, to enforce rules even if some are sacrificed, someone who can get their hands dirty). He lives a terrible and sad fate, and I do not wish ANYONE to live a life like Prowl’s or look up to Prowl. Yes, he’s so clever and brilliant, but that kind of power will make you the loneliest person on Earth.

Thanks Prowl for taking the entire load of sin on your shoulders! Big MVP! You get nothing from the world except hate and contempt.  I would go on about him more but I have IRL stuff to do. I love Prowl as an example to tell people that MODERATION. COMMUNICATION. AND COMPASSION are important factors to have a healthy and good mental state. Prowl is the perfect example of someone who doesn’t want to empathize (haha so many people are like this today), who doesn’t want to try to use more braincells and friends help to make better plans that are more moderate and not extreme, and who doesn’t want to talk to anyone thinking its a waste of time or have difficulty explaining things.  BUT I LOVE G1 PROWL because he has far more patience and manners, and doesn’t take a darker, route for his goals. awhohdohd he’s baby,,, i wish all cops had patience and manners and in general open-minded yet cautious enough not to be taken advantage of,,,, perhaps then we wouldn’t have so much polarization and fighting with authority in this world.... 

uwuwwuwuwuw they did prowl so dirty in idw WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ;____;   Again, you are welcome to disagree or agree! I wrote this really quickly so I’m sure there will be points that could be clarified or edited. Prowl’s really complicated and I do not like to talk about current IRL problems, but Prowl represents a lot of problems in society. And I think it’s critical if we try to look at both perspectives to get an understanding on WHY people do these things, and is there a solution to AVOID making those same mistakes? There’s a couple of controversial things in this short essay I wrote, esp. about cops IRL. So feel free to have at it! Or ignore it! Whichever is more comfortable for you! Thanks for coming to my ted talk! Again, Prowl is a bad influence and a sorrowful life to live. please do not try to be like prowl. xD I won’t intrude on you if you do, because you have a right to live the life you want as long as you’re not hurting other people’s interests and wellbeing! 

[imagine-loki]

Soulbonds and Fairy Dust (rewrite)

TITLE: Soulbonds and Fairy Dust (rewrite) CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 21/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine one of the fae has been helping the Avengers, jumping in to help them on missions and vanishing before Shield can bring her in.  Loki joins the team and convinces her to come talk to the team and consider joining before Shield takes more drastic measures. RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS:  This is a rewrite of the original work of the same name.  Also on AO3 here

All of the horses were saddled by the time the rest of your companions joined you.  Sig wasn’t excited to see the moron boys, and tried to hang back shyly so they would leave her alone.  Unfortunately, that idea was doomed, since she was interesting and newly returned to Asgard.  So they were making a point of bothering her and being loud and obnoxious. 

Sif rescued Sigyn to introduce her to the horse that had been chosen for her. Sig cooed over the sweet little mare, wanting to be the horse’s friend before they headed out.  Animals tended to like Sig, so the mare warmed up quickly.  Especially when bribed with sugar lumps. 

The group all mounted up and started out of the stable-yard so they could head to the first gate.  Thor led the procession from the palace ground with Loki at his side.  Of course, the princes would lead this expedition, that was just how things worked on Asgard. Sigyn trailed behind the group, not feeling a part of this group who all knew each other so well. She had known them at one time, had been part of the group centuries ago, but things had changed.  Now she watched them all laughing, joking, and jesting sleepily with each other as they rode, feeling outcast and alone.  They were used to these sorts of missions for the crown.  She was the outsider here and she didn’t know how to handle them anymore.

Loki turned back to her, his eyes looking for his soulmate and best friend when he realized that she wasn’t with him.  He gave her a smile and gestured for her to join him and Thor.  Sig was the most important part of this mission, after all.  Plus, she was Loki’s soulmate.  She hesitated a moment, not wanting to intrude, but she took up his invitation and urged her mare to catch up with the princes.  “Are you alright, Sigyn? You seem to be lagging behind…” Loki asked softly, sounding concerned.

“I’m not lagging behind,” she replied defensively.  A touch too defensively.  She was comfortable with him, when it was just the two of them.  But she got shy around people easily.  Especially the loud obnoxious males. 

Loki nodded and said gently. “This is your mission, darling. You should be the one leading it,”

“You two are princes, that technically gives you the responsibility of leading it,” she replied shyly, looking down at her saddle-horn.  Thor and the warriors were so close, their group tight-knit and she felt distinctly like an outsider.

“Will you remain up here with us? I could use your company,” Loki tried a different, and much more effective tactic. Ask the healer for help and she would always jump to do whatever she could to help.

“What am I, chopped liver?” Thor grumbled sourly. He looked over at Loki. “You do not get to spend the entire trip paying attention to no one but your girlfriend,” he informed his brother, joking and teasing, and glad for an adventure with his brother and his friends. 

Sig shied at his comment, turning red.  “If it’s going to be a problem…” she said softly, willing to give up her place to let the brothers ride together.

Loki glared at Thor.  “There is no problem. My brother is just being an imbecile.  As per usual,” he reassured Sig quickly.  He didn’t want her to go away and be all alone again.

Thor hadn’t quite understood yet how much Sig had changed from the child they knew.  Sig nodded shyly and rode between the two princes.  “Mother didn’t give us many details except that we were to ride to the locations on the map she provided and guard your girlfriend,” Thor told Loki as they rode together.  Teasing Loki was a time-honored tradition and Loki now had a brand new, not yet official, girlfriend to be teased about. 

“There are fae doorways located at those positions on the map. We are going to those locations to seal those doorways to prevent future kidnappings closer to the cities. Our job is to guard Sigyn while she completes her task,” Loki explained simply.  That was all the explanation he felt Thor needed.

“I’m the only one who can close them,” Sig added softly. “Only powerful fae can open or close the doorways between the realms,”

“What possible dangers are we guarding you from, however?” Loki asked her gently, realizing they didn’t exactly know what they might be getting themselves into. “You never explained that yesterday,”

“Whatever is on the other side of the doorways.  They might not take kindly to having their doorways closed and very well could come through to stop me from closing them. It could be anything from trolls, ogres, giants, goblins, and of course fae and high fae,”

Loki nodded, accepting that answer. “Understandable. We will do everything in our power to keep you safe.”

Sig nodded in return. “I appreciate it,” she glanced at Thor, needed to explain further to him. “Under most circumstances, I’m perfectly capable of defending myself, but closing these doorways takes a lot of power and concentration,” she didn’t want him to think she was a helpless little noble lady who needed defending.  She prided herself on her strength.  It would do well for Loki not to forget that either.  She doubted either of them really would, though.  They’d both seen her fight. Thor nodded, accepting her addition.

They all chatted while they rode and Sig slowly opened up to the others.  It was just after noon when they neared the first doorway.  They all dismounted once they reached it and picketed the horses. “Whenever you’re ready, Sigyn,” Loki told her gently when they were in position.

Sig nodded and summoned her blade as she approached the doorway.  Loki stayed close to her side as she did.  The others stood guard nearby, but out of the way.  Sig could tell they couldn’t see the portal, but they could sense the disturbance in the realm.  She dragged her blade across her palm and grabbed the edges of the doorway to pull them closed.  It was harder than the last one and was taking a lot more power.  Underhill did not want to be closed away, but eventually, the doorway snapped shut and even the morons could feel the difference.

It drained a ton of power to do it, especially so soon after already closing one just yesterday, but she managed. 

This was definitely going to be a difficult quest. 

Sig swayed, placing her non-bleeding hand on Loki next to her to steady herself while black spots invaded her vision and the world spun dangerously for a moment.  Loki looked down at her concerned.  “What’s wrong, darling?” he asked her gently while he healed her bleeding hand and made sure she was steady.

“It didn’t want to close. Underhill doesn’t like being messed with,” she explained softly while she focused on remaining upright and conscious.  “I’m sure she’s warning the fae what we’re up to now…” she mumbled unhelpfully.  She was drained beyond reason and her mind was wandering and unfocused.

“She? Who is she?” Loki asked, trying to make her focus on telling him what dangers they might be facing.

“Underhill-“ she repeated as if that was helpful.

It was.  They just didn’t understand.

[sneezedarling]

Together (MacCready/m!Sole Sneezefic)

Just when you thought I was done. I hope someone is enjoying these. This one has Sole as the sneezer, enjoy!

MacCready’s blood is was warm and slippery as it coats Sole’s hand. Sole suppresses the shuddering sigh rolling through him as he replays the events of earlier in his head.

“You’re fucking stupid, MacCready, so fucking stupid.” He takes a deep, steady breath and gently wipes the blood from the stab wound in his shoulder before he begins wrapping the bandage around it.

MacCready opens his mouth to respond but hisses in pain instead as Sole gingerly tightens the wrappings. Sole does everything methodically, putting the medical supplies away, placing MacCready’s ripped shirt in the sun to dry the blood and shoves a can of purified water in his hands without a word.

He sits down beside MacCready on the filthy mattress, tone even and emotionless, “what were you doing?”

MacCready winces as he turns to face Sole. “You needed help.”

“I was fine,” Sole’s words are clipped, emotion threatening to seep into them.

“The hell you were! There were at least six of ‘em on you, Sole! What was I supposed to do? Watch?” The rise of his voice and the anger coursing through him makes his shoulder throb but he’s too worked up to care.

Sole throws his hands in the air. “I don’t know Mac, shoot them, maybe? You know, do your job!”

“I didn’t have a clear shot. They were too close to you!” MacCready’s standing now, clenching his fists as he opts to omit the part about how he couldn’t bring himself to shoot that close to Sole.

Sole stands as well and paces in the tiny room of the dingy apartment. “You’re the best sniper in the fucking Commonwealth, what do you mean you didn’t have a shot?”

“I mean I didn’t have a shot! Would you rather I have blown your brains out? Would that have been better for you? Huh?” MacCready’s chest rises and falls rapidly, temper rising.

“I would rather you have done anything else but come running in there like a madman and gotten yourself stabbed! Did you even think?” Sole’s eyes are glued to the new blood blossoming through the bandage.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re tons better! You looked at yourself lately? You’re losing more blood than I am.” Sole’s arms and torso are covered in slashes and knife wounds, admittedly not as deep as MacCready’s but still bleeding profusely, which are coupled with a black and green bruise over his right eye, a dried trail of blood from a previous nose bleed and a split lip.

“This isn’t about me. You got stabbed, MacCready!” Sole runs a hand through his hair.

“You got freaking stabbed! What the hell is your problem?” MacCready yells as he searches through his coat pockets for his cigarettes, wrenching one out of the packet and lighting it.

“My problem, MacCready, is your ‘do now, think later’ attitude got you stabbed and could have gotten us both killed, and you don’t care!”

MacCready never realised how much his name on Sole’s lips could sting. He always liked the way it sounded but lately it had always been Mac, ‘MacCready’ made him sound distant and formal and it made a heavy feeling form at the bottom of his stomach.

MacCready takes a drag of his cigarette, ending with a steady exhale of smoke to try and calm the anger bubbling in his chest but his words are still sharp. “I’m not a kid, Sole, I don’t need you to freakin’ babysit me for God’s sake.”

“I-I’m not babysitting you! I’m trying to keep both of us alive when you seem to be doing your damn best to get yourself killed.” Sole’s up in his face now, only inches away, emerald eyes swirling with emotion.

“I am fine. We’ve both had much worse than this! What has gotten into you?” MacCready snaps, smoke filtering out of his mouth.

“Do y-you know wha-ahhh I was thinking about during that f-fight, wh…ehh…when I saw you?” Sole’s takes a step back now, eyes shining in a way that makes MacCready think he’s on the brink of tears. “Not what I-ihh….I should have been, I was…ehh-Heh’KTCHuh! We make p-plans, I ne-ehh…Eh’TCHuh! Fuck!”

“Bless you!” MacCready snaps as more of a reflex than anything, kicking himself at how stupid he sounds saying those words angry.

Sole steps back to avoid sneezing on him, trying to hide the wince as he lurches forward, hands over his nose and mouth. He opens his mouth to try and continue but a breathy gasp is all that escapes. MacCready takes another drag and steps toward Sole, watching intently as his eyes flutter shut.

“Heh’ESHOO! I can’t think wh-when I don’t kn-ohh…where you are! That’s why we make a…Het’tschoo! A plan, Mac. I watched you g-ge- Etshoo! Get stabbed and I wa-ahhh watched you fall I-” Sole trails off into hitching gasps, scrubbing at his face and huffing in frustration.

“Bless you,” MacCready mumbles, exhaling more smoke before it clicks in his anger-muddled brain.

Sole screws his eyes shut and stepped out of the smoke, allergic tears creating tracks in the blood on his face.

“M-mac…Hih!...Hit’TCHuh…Heh’KTCH! Ehh…ESHOO! Jesus f-fuck.”

“Shi- crap, sorry. Bless you.” MacCready puts his cigarette out even though he’s still got half of it left.

Sole coughs a few time and sniffs hard before looking at MacCready, “I-Snff! I need to change that, you’re bleeding again.”

MacCready huffs and flops down of the mattress, ignoring the pain the action generates. “Stop worrying about me. I’m alright, we’re alright.”

Sole tilts his head back, waiting for the last of the cigarette smoke to work it’s way through his system. “Heh’KTCHuh! Hep’TCHuh! Hih…Hih’TSHuh!”

“Bless you. Sit down.” MacCready gently guides Sole onto the mattress as he wipes his eyes and nose.

There’s a few seconds of silence before Sole speaks up, the anger from his words replaced by something else, “you’re not alright, Mac, you got stabbed. I watched you hit the ground, I thought you were dying. I need to have a plan, I need to know-snf- where you are and what we’re doing so I can focus because when I saw you, bleeding on the ground I couldn’t think straight, okay. That’s my problem.”

Sole reaches out and gently pulls the bandages off the wound on MacCready’s shoulder, guilt flashing in his eyes when he can’t contain his hiss of pain. He gets a new bandage and begins wrapping it around as MacCready watches.

“I couldn’t watch,” MacCready mumbles.

“Come again?” Sole looks up at him.

“Do you think I’d be able to live with myself if you died while I watched and did nothing, Sole. I admit, I could have had more of a plan and maybe you really did have it under control, but I had to do something.” MacCready grabs Sole’s hands which are touching up the bandage. “You need to stop worrying about me and start looking after yourself.”

“M’fine, just a few cuts and bruises,” Sole whispers.

MacCready scoffs softly and runs his thumb over the cut on Sole’s lip, “I think it’s a little more than that.”

Sole winces but doesn’t move away, eyes meeting MacCready’s. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“I’m sorry for yelling back,” MacCready whispers.

“S’alright.” Sole pushes their foreheads together and closes his eyes.

MacCready leans into the warm touch. “We’re always gonna be okay, as long as we stick together.”

[razberryyum]

The Guanyin Temple Event: another essay

(spoilers for episode 47 - 50 and the novel. All novel excerpts taken from the wonderful translations provided by Team Exiled Rebels Scanlations)

I didn’t read the Mo Dao Zu Shi novel until I was about a dozen episodes into The Untamed, but once I did, there were two events that I was most looking forward to seeing depicted on-screen: the Phoenix Mountain Hunt and the climax at the Guanyin Temple. The main reason for my heightened anticipation was because they were both critical and awesome events in the novel and also because I couldn’t wait to see how Team CQL was going to work around the blatant WangXian-ness present in them. Since I already wrote at length about the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, I won’t delve into that topic again, but suffice it to say I was quite pleased at what the drama team came up with in place of the blindfolded make-out session between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian.  

For the Guanyin Temple event, I knew Team CQL had their work cut out for them because it wasn’t just a kiss they had to work around, but a whole ton of WangXian moments since that’s pretty much when Wei Wuxian, our completely awesome and lovable but dense AF protagonist, finally finds out that Lan Wangji has been in love with him for like…forever…and they acknowledge their feelings for each other (in front of family and foes no less). From the moment WWX finds out about Lan Zhan’s love for him until the end of the Guanyin Temple incident, it’s so loaded with WangXian cuteness that I almost died laughing while reading those passages: for me, at times their lovey-doveyness actually crossed into cringe-territory. Not that they didn’t earn the right to be completely corney, mushy puppies in love, but I still had to cover my eyes, shake my head and turn away in embarrassment a few times. I mean, I was literally suffering from a diabetic attack during some of those scenes.  

Of course I didn’t expect mushiness to that level in the show…there’s still censorship to consider after all…but I was hoping for a ghost of what happened in the novel so that once again the spirit of their love confession can still be captured on the show. Or at the very least, I was hoping for some Easter eggs that would let us know that the production team understands our pain and wishes they could’ve given us all the WangXian love too.  

Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any of that. In fact, with much regret, I have to say that in terms of WangXian quotient, I was a rather disappointed in CQL’s adaptation of the Guanyin Temple event.  

It almost felt like in the end, Team CQL couldn’t really come up with anything to replace the abundance of WangXian love we were given in the novel, so they chose to just completely avoid any hints of it altogether. If I’m going to be honest, LWJ even seemed grumpy most of the time. I don’t blame Wang Yibo’s performance for this at all (I will never blame him for anything LWJ…he has given us such an amazing LWJ that he is blameless forever in my book. Same goes for Xiao Zhan and his WWX), I’m sure that’s the direction he was given, which makes me really scratch my head in perplexity. To jump ahead a little, a good example of this is during the scene where LWJ is protecting WWX from Fairy. In the novel, we had this exchange during that moment: (from chapter 101):

Wei WuXian, “Hug me!”

Lan WangJi, “I am hugging you!”

Wei WuXian, again, “Hug me tight!”

Lan WangJi, also, “I am hugging you tight!”

Whereas in the drama, we didn’t really have any dialogue and Lan Zhan didn’t even look too pleased about having to protect Wei Ying from the fluffy puppy. In fact, I was actually a bit bummed when he raised his arm to protect WWX: they started out with Wei Ying clinging to Lan Zhan’s body but raising his arm like that actually caused Wei Ying to move away from him, making their interaction less intimate.

Then there was that pivotal moment in the courtyard of the temple in the beginning, where WWX was being held hostage by Jin Guangyao and his guqin string: that was a scene I was especially looking forward to since that’s when Wei Ying blurts out the line that he’s always wanted to sleep with LWJ, which pretty much sets off his confession of love and devotion afterwards. I was extremely curious what dialogue Team CQL would put in place of something as blatant as that. I was hoping for something along the lines of “no matter what, you will always be my 知己” from WWX, which would’ve served as another callback to what they said on Phoenix Mountain and what they were thinking about during that snowy evening on Cloud Recesses. Just something poignant yet meaningful to capture all the love WWX has for Lan Zhan. Sadly, all we got was forgiveness from WWX about what happened during Nightless City, which, as heartfelt as the words were uttered (WWX saying it all teary-eyed got me all teary-eyed as well), they still felt almost a little unnecessary at that point. Especially since we already got that pardon when Lan Zhan was drunk and Wei Ying was telling him all of it was not his fault. Sure, Lan Zhan’s sober this time around and I did sense all the emotions in their expressions, but in terms of what was actually being said, as a replacement for “Lan Zhan! Lan WangJi! HanGuang-Jun! Back then, I-I really wanted to sleep with you!”? I’m sorry, it fell wayyyy short.  

I also didn’t like the fact that once they were inside the temple, sitting side by side, the dialogue was changed to the following:

Where’s the love in that?? Again, it’s not like I was expecting anything hot and heavy like it was in the book (from chapter 100):

Wei WuXian couldn’t let out another sound. Amidst the darkness, Lan WangJi had already embraced him tightly, stopping him with his lips.

Lan WangJi’s breaths were short and disordered. His hoarse voice whispered beside Wei WuXian’s ear, “… fancy you…”

Wei WuXian hugged him tight, “Yes!”

Lan WangJi, “… love you, want you…”

Wei WuXian raised his voice, “Yes!”

Lan WangJi, “Cannot leave you… do not want anyone but you… it cannot be anyone but you!”

But maybe just a little more affection?  In the book, there was so much love going on between WWX and LWJ at Guanyin Temple that even Jin Guangyao was nice enough to step aside and give them some alone time to talk out their feelings. Big bro Lan Xichen and Jin Ling also made sure to sit away from them so that they could hug and kiss it out. The show actually kept the seating arrangement intact, which I guess was meant as a nod to the fans, but I would’ve rather they kept the sentiments instead.  

Not that Guanyin Temple was completely devoid of WangXian moments, thankfully, we did get the following little touches:

But if you read the novel, I have to believe you’d agree with me just a bit that all of that was hardly comparable to the source material. I don’t know if Team CQL decided to change things this way so that the ending with LWJ deciding to separate from WWX (although temporarily) would make more sense, or if the censorship monster finally got to them; either way, I wish they had been just a little more…creative and generous, I guess? It pains me to say that since it sounds like I’m being rather ungrateful—they have given us so much already—but Guanyin Temple was just so important to WWX and LWJ’s relationship, I can’t help but wish it was…better? At least in terms of WangXian.  

Not to mention, strangely, there seemed to be more technical problems with the Guanyin Temple episodes than with any other consecutive batch of eps prior to them. The issues ran the gamut of bad production choices: awkward pacing (I love Wen Ning and it was cool seeming him possessed by Baxia, but it felt like it took him at least half an hour to get from the courtyard to actually inside the damn temple), very obvious editing errors (one moment WWX has his hand on LWJ’s hand, the next he doesn’t, and then he does again), clunky scene transitions, bad sound editing/mixing (why are we hearing the flute on top of Wei Ying’s whistling and the melodies aren’t even the same?), and if I’m going to be honest, the fight choreography and scene set up were kind of mediocre too.  It felt like only the actors were bringing their A-game during those scenes while the production team was already getting ready for the wrap party since the show was going to be over soon. I mean, look at this, where the hell was A-Yao running off to?  

Why couldn’t they show his death? It was so much better and creepier in the novel. Or is he even dead? Did they keep that open-ended too just in case they want to bring him back for the movie? And will LXC even get his sword back???

I know I sound rather negative, and I actually debated for a while on even sharing my feelings because I hate being so critical of this show that gave me so much joy for the most part. I also didn’t want to bum anyone out with my criticisms, however, even though I love, I can never love blindly, so I just have to get all the griping out of my system.  

On the bright side, despite being disappointed by the WangXian quotient and the technical shortcomings of these eps, I was quite pleased by some of the changes Team CQL made from the novel which, imho, I thought were actual improvements from the source material (sorry, MXTX-laozi!). First of all, I really appreciated the closure we got between Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying. I LOVED that the two Yunmeng brothers got to talk things out and really reconciled. I especially loved this look JC had as he watched WWX play his flute:

As if he was both proud and relieved that WWX found a way to be strong again even without his golden core. We didn’t get such a sweet moment in the book. There actually wasn’t much interaction between them after Wei Ying told JC to just forget about the past; in fact, there seemed to still be some residual bad feelings which made me think the Yunmeng brothers weren’t really ever going to be ok again.  WWX definitely didn’t wipe away JC’s tears or even touch him. That affectionate exchange we were given in the drama was just so precious and needed after all the pain both of them have been through, and it made me feel so much happier and reassured about their relationship. I’m glad that in both versions JC didn’t tell WWX what actually happened the day he was taken by the Wen Sect: it would’ve been just yet another heartache to burden Wei Ying who obviously was ready to move on with his new life. That little consideration made me love Jiang Cheng so much more.  

Another improvement was the resolution between Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao. I tried really hard not to ship big bro and A-Yao, but dammit, the show pretty much forced me to, especially towards the end with their last scenes together.  Before I say anything else, I must really commend Liu Haikuan and Zhu Zanjin, the actors who brought LXC and JGY to life respectively: they really delivered during their scenes in Guanyin Temple. Zhu Zanjin is always on the verge of overacting and sometimes actually crosses the line, but all of his choices really worked for me within those scenes. I completely felt the hurt and anger from JGY when he thought LXC never trusted him, just as much as I felt the same emotions from LXC when his A-Yao revealed his true colors.  They made my heart hurt for both of them and wish for a happy ending for them, which is just crazy because JGY is not a good person. As WWX pointed out, JGY really is a lot like Xue Yang, but he probably didn’t realize just how alike they are: they’re both technically monsters but still somehow capable of love…or a twisted form of it at least that passed for normal for them. One of my favorite pieces of dialogue in the entire novel was actually JGY’s (chapter 108):

“In this life, I’ve lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend—of all the evil in the world, what haven’t I done?!” He took in a breath, rasping, “But I’ve never even thought of harming you!”

That moved me so much, and I actually teared up when JGY uttered basically those same words in the show because I believed he meant them, it wasn’t just a ploy to manipulate LXC again. And then, at the very last minute when JGY was about to pull LXC into the coffin so that the two of them could die together, in the book, JGY just suddenly pushed LXC away. I loved that in the show, we are shown LXC’s acceptance to the fate JGY intended for them…

…and that is why he pushes his second brother away. It was enough for him to know LXC didn’t regard him the same way that Nie Mingjue did after all, that he did genuinely care for JGY all these years. Although JGY probably didn’t deserve such satisfaction before his death considering all the people he‘s killed and harmed (except for Jin Guangshan…that asshole deserved everything he got…I’d count that as a PLUS on JGY’s karma scale, even if that was his dad), I still couldn‘t help feeling a bit happy that he attained it. I can‘t help it, JGY reminds me of a Puss-in-boots half of the time.

Finally, as heart-breaking as it was, I appreciated how much more affected Wei Ying was by the revelation that he had just been an unwitting pawn and victim in JGY’s schemes all this time. In the novel, the truth seemed to mostly rolled off his back, probably because he was too busy cuddling with LWJ to even care anymore, but in The Untamed, WWX seemed downright devastated. I have to say, Xiao Zhan really has mastered the laughing-while-crying combo-hit so damn well that he never fails to make my eyes well up every time he delivers that killer move.  

I really felt his pain and anger at how much he suffered because of what JGY and Su She did, and how wronged he was by them, even if JGY tried to partially lay the blame on him and Jiang Cheng. What made JGY’s words especially hurtful was the modicum of truth to them, because WWX was being incendiary and arrogant during that time, and JC really didn’t have his back at all. He definitely never stood up for him like Shijie did at Phoenix Mountain. Again, I should hate JGY for hurting them with such painful truths and hell, I should hate him solely for all that he has done to WWX, whether it was purposeful or happenstance, but I simply don’t. I might feel differently if Wei Ying wasn’t given a second chance at life and happiness, but thankfully he was and that does make all difference in the world. I don’t even hate Su She…I just think he’s really pathetic and I’m glad he died the way he did.

So, do all of these positive factors balance out what I thought were definite missteps in the drama’s version of what happened at Guanyin Temple? If we had another 10 episodes of Wei Ying and Lan Zhan interactions to look forward to, the answer would probably be yes. OR, if we were given a bona fide, neat as a bow, unquestionably happy ending for them, the answer would also be yes. However, because this was the last couple of episodes we would ever get in the series before its conclusion and the ending was not quite as neat as I wish it would’ve been, then the answer is, sadly, no. I feel we were simply deprived too much of WangXian–I think they spent half the time just spectating at what was going on–and therefore for me, the execution of the Guanyin Temple events by Team CQL unfortunately leaned more on the side of being a disappointment overall.  

Thank you once again for reading my second thesis. I have no idea if I will ever be able to earn my doctorate in MDZS/The Untamed, but I will continue to work hard at it. At the very least, I hope all this blabbering has granted me the privilege of being a somewhat worthy disciple-in-training.  

[auburnfamilynews]

Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Down go the champs

SEC football is back in all it’s glory. For some schools, football being back was awesome as they watched their teams start the 2020 campaign with a W. For some, it was fun to see their favorite programs play but disappointing to start the year off with an L. Then there were LSU fans....

The Bayou Bengals became the first defending champs to lose their season opener since 1998 when Notre Dame fell to Michigan. Turns out replacing a Heisman winner, both coordinators, most of the offensive line, top three wide receivers, top running back and the majority of defensive starters is kind of a big deal.

Also, it turns out Mike Leach and his Mississippi State Bulldogs are ready for SEC defenses.

With one data point now available there were some shakeups to this week’s rankings. Let’s take a look. Also a quick note, I decided to drop FEI because it doesn’t appear those rankings are being updated on a weekly basis.

#1.) Alabama 1-0 (—)

SP+: 3 | FPI: 2

Last Game: 38-19 W @ Missouri

I admit that I watched exactly 2 snaps of this game so I don’t have much to offer in the form of analysis. It appears the Crimson Tide took care of business and then cruised to the finish line. Najee Harris scored three touchdowns, Mac Jones was efficient and Jaylen Waddle is still impossible to cover. Not sure there’s a ton to takeaway from this game for either team except that the Tide aren’t going to be surprisingly bad. We will learn more this weekend when the Aggies come to town.

Next Game: vs Texas A&M

#2.) Georgia 1-0 (—)

SP+: 4 | FPI: 6

Last Game: 37-10 W @ Arkansas

Per 247 Composite, there are sixteen former 5-star recruits on Georgia’s 2020 football roster. That’s the most of any program. More than Alabama, Ohio State and Clemson. It’s more than Auburn, Florida, Texas A&M and Tennessee combined. They opened the season with a road trip to Fayetteville to take on a Hog program stuck in the mud. A program with only four more 4-star players than UGA 5-stars.

And yet...

Hilariously, Arkansas took a 7-5 lead into halftime. Redshirt D’Wan Mathis did not look ready for collegiate football and it took the insertion of walk-on Stetson Bennett for the Dawgs to finally take care of business. The offensive line did not look it’s former dominant self either. The biggest question facing UGA heading into 2020 was whether or not this offense could take the next step. So far, it ain’t looking good....

But it might not matter. After allowing a 7 play 91 yard touchdown drive, UGA’s defense allowed only a field goal while picking off Franks three times including taking one back for six points. That’s why I still have them in the #2 spot over the Gators. This offense might not be great again but this defense is good enough to prevent a total meltdown. This weekend will tell us a lot about what this Dawg team is capable of accomplishing this fall.

Next Game: vs Auburn

#3.) Florida 1-0 (—)

SP+: 8 | FPI: 9

Last Game: 51-35 W @ Ole Miss

The University of Florida Fighting Kyles lit up the scoreboard in Oxford over the weekend. Kyle Trask threw for 416 yds and SIX touchdowns Saturday. WR/TE/Freak Kyle Pitts caught 8 of those passes for 170 yards and 4 touchdowns. Needless to say, Ole Miss fans won’t be naming any kids Kyle in the near future.

But while the offense was spectacular, that Gator defense had some serious struggles. I expected Ole Miss to put some points on the board but I didn’t see 600+ yards coming. The main concern I had about this UF team heading into 2020 was whether or not this defense was good enough to slow folks down. As of now, that question remains unanswered. It will be interesting to see how they look against an ok South Carolina team this weekend.

Next Game: vs South Carolina

#4.) Auburn 1-0 (+1)

SP+: 6 | FPI: 7

Last Game 29-13 W vs Kentucky

Auburn had the 2nd best win of the weekend taking down a veteran, physical Kentucky squad. The Wildcats controlled the first half for the most part but the Tigers dominated the 2nd half and were able to come away with a somewhat comfortable win.

Bo Nix looked good in his 2020 debut and Seth Williams is gonna be a problem for a lot of defenses this fall. Defensively, Auburn got knocked around early but settled down in the 2nd half. The big question is still the offensive line which performed admirably in their season debut but must improve if the Tigers are going to end that awful drought in Athens on Saturday.

Next Game: @ Georgia

#5.) Mississippi State 1-0 (+7)

SP+: 38 | FPI: 35

Last Game: 44-34 W @ LSU

Ok so I got a lot of apologizing to do to State fans. I thought this State team would be pretty bad this year. Sure Leach added an outstanding grad transfer at QB in K.J. Costello over the off-season but cmon... This Mississippi State team isn’t exactly overflowing with talent especially at the skill position (sans Kylin Hill). And that defense lost some major contributors and are switching to a brand new scheme. They will be luck to win 3 games I thought...

Welp....

Turns out this team is ready to create mayhem in the SEC. Costello carved up that vaunted DBU secondary and if he hadn’t kept turning the ball over this game might have been a legit blowout. Costello set the single game SEC passing record throwing for 623 yards and 5 touchdowns. Three State players crossed the century mark including star tailback Kylin Hill.

I don’t know how this season goes for Mississippi State but it’s definitely going to go much better than I expected. Gotta give an immense amount of credit to Leach and his coaching staff. They came out ready to go and made a massive statement this past weekend.

Next Game: vs Arkansas

#6.) Tennessee 1-0 (+1)

SP+: 24 | FPI: 30

Last Game: 31-27 W @ South Carolina

I picked Tennessee to lose this game but the Vols were able to make less mistakes than the Cocks and a few more big plays to escape with the W. It wasn’t necessarily an impressive performance but it was effective. The Dawgs look vulnerable and Tennessee has more talent than Kentucky. Can Jeremy Pruitt capitalize and make that final game of the year against UF the de facto SEC East championship?

Next Game: vs Missouri

#7.) Texas A&M 1-0 (-1)

SP+: 19 | FPI: 19

Last Game: 17-12 W vs Vanderbilt

Technically, Texas A&M won Saturday. But if anyone ventured over to the SEC Alternate channel to watch this cluster of a game, you probably didn’t come away super impressed with the supposed top challenger to the Tide in the West.

Turns out Kellen Mond is still Kellen Mond. That offensive line is still pretty bad and losing all that WR production is not easily replaced. I don’t think things are going to go well in Tuscaloosa this weekend....

Next Game: @ Alabama

#8.) Kentucky 0-1 (—)

SP+: 43 | FPI: 27

Last Game: 13-29 L @ Auburn

For one half of football, it looked like the Wildcats had a shot at living up to the preseason hype. Maybe this is the year they could go on the road into an SEC West venue against a ranked opponent and get the W. Then the 2nd half kicked off...

A disastrous 4th quarter resulted in a frustrating L for Big Blue Nation and they don’t get to lick their wounds. An explosive Rebel attack is set to visit Lexington and if Terry Wilson doesn’t get those turnovers cleaned up they could very well be 0-2 this time next week. I still think though this is top 3 team in the SEC East. We will see if they can get right against the Lane Train.

Next Game: vs Ole Miss

#9.) LSU 0-1 (-5)

SP+: 25 | FPI: 13

Last Game: 34-44 L vs Mississippi State

Turns out you can’t just easily replace literally your whole organization following a national championship. Weird huh?

It didn’t take long for LSU fans to learn that the Myles Brennan and Bo Pelini hype ain’t for real. The Tigers new QB struggled much of the day and wasn’t helped by drops and a porous offensive line. Pelini refused to switch out of his man defense and allowed Mike Leach to put on a clinic on how to beat it over and over again. There are some serious problems on this LSU team and I don’t know if they can all get fixed in the coming weeks.

Fortunately, a trip to play a not very good Vanderbilt team should get Ed O back to .500. However, if LSU wants any shot at a repeat they gotta find a way to adjust to this new world.

Next Game: @ Vanderbilt

#10.) Ole Miss 0-1 (-1)

SP+: 44 | FPI: 37

Last Game: 35-51 L vs Florida

I honestly didn’t wanna move Ole Miss down a spot it just kinda happened. The Rebels showed they are exactly who I thought they were over the weekend. An explosive but inconsistent offense paired with a very bad defense. The Rebels are going to give DCs around the SEC headaches but they are going to need some stops on the other side of the ball if they wanna string together any Ws. Big opportunity to make a statement this weekend against a frustrated Kentucky team.

Next Game: @ Kentucky

#11.) South Carolina 0-1 (—)

SP+: 34 | FPI: 40

Last Game: 27-31 L vs Tennessee

South Carolina has mastered losing to Tennessee in frustrating fashion. They fought to the bitter end but a punt off the backside of a blocker ended any opportunity of a dramatic finish. Offensively, South Carolina looked ok. It’s clear outside of Shi Smith this team is lacking in terms of play makers. This Saturday is a must win for Coach Boom.

Next Game: @ Missouri

#12.) Missouri 0-1 (-2)

SP+: 48 | FPI: 42

Last Game: 19-38 L vs Alabama

As I said above, I didn’t really watch this game so I got nothing really to say about this Mizzou squad other than they covered and that’s all that really mattered.

Next Game: @ Tennessee

#13.) Vanderbilt 0-1 (+1)

SP+: 110 | FPI: 68

Last Game: 12-17 L @ Texas A&M

They did their darndest to pull the stunner but then they are also Vanderbilt so of course it didn’t happen. I was impressed overall with the Dores performance though and rewarded them with what will likely be their highest ranking of the season. No way LSU loses this game too right?

Next Game: vs LSU

#14.) Arkansas 0-1 (-1)

SP+: 75 | FPI: 59

Last Game: 10-37 L vs Georgia

For one half of football, Arkansas stood toe to toe with one of the giants of the SEC. Hog fans rejoiced that maybe just maybe Sam Pittman was going to do the impossible. Then reality hit like a train in the 2nd half...

Outside of a few skill players on offense and the best named linebacker in the country in Bumper Pool, this program is devoid of SEC caliber talent. Feleipe Franks is still not a great quarterback. With Mississippi State not being the dumpser fire as hoped, I am not sure there’s a W on this schedule for the Hogs....

Next Game: @ Mississippi State

War Eagle!

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/9/28/21458459/sec-power-rankings-week-2

[noramachwitz]

i wrote a giant review post and i thought i’d keep the momentum going so here’s a giant review on skam nl under a read more

okay so i have to say i loved s1 and i think nl did one of (maybe even the) best versions of s1 i love isa so much and i loved the girl squad and i was super exicted to see their version of s2 since noah/liv were the only version that i didn’t dislike in s1 and i hate to say it but ... i find s2 pretty underwhelming. and i have for a while. i’m still keeping up with it but honestly i’m having some (kinda big) problems with the way it’s written

(and needless to say these are all my opinions and you can disagree it’s fine etc.)

what it boils down to are these points:

1) plot driven - this season is SO plot driven it drives me mad. somehow the entire plot just happens /to/ liv (and i’m not talking about the SA here of course but everything that happens before that) and somehow almost every decision she does make and where they’d finally show her having some agency is off screen?? i keep feeling like everything that happens happens because it’s the next step in the story and there’s little transition imo?? i feel like i always see plot point a then plot point b but a lot of the times i don’t know what actually happened to lead from one to the other for example i still don’t freaking know why liv actually went on a date with him?? or noah saying his brother can’t be trusted but then still believing him. i just feel like liv and noah both as characters just don’t fit into the way they’re going about this story

2) noah - i think noah as a character had a ton of potential to be really insteresting and different but ... NL changed the vibes around him completely and you have this artsy painter dude who seems quite charming and doesn’t take himself too seriously (which monk portrays perfectly ngl) but they just completely failed to adjust the story so it fits his character better. instead noah (in my opinion i’m very sorry lmao) actually behaves more like OG william than most other williams. he acts the same way, he justifies his actions the same way, he even says a lot of the exact same lines and ... why?? why not fully embrance those vibes and actually change the story as a consequence?? i remember soo many people in the fandom saying they can’t see noah beating up someone and it’s true i agreed but then it happened anyway and these moments just KEPT HAPPENING where i couldn’t see him doing something but he did anyway and i just don’t understand why.

so instead of changing things that were easy to change and would make noah better than william they change things that are unnecessary which leads me to one of the biggest plot devices i’ve ever seen: the death of noah’s mum. when i first realised that noah’s mum dies during this season i was actually pretty excited bc i thought they’d use that to explore him as a character more but!! no it was just a two week plot device to guilt trip liv?? and almost every clip we got during that time was just liv feeling guilty and guiltier and her staring at her phone constantly until she ends up at the wake and we find out actually noah wasn’t even close with her and it didn’t really affect him?? and it hasn’t been mentioned since either??? WHY!! instead of giving noah and liv a solid base for a relationship and use that time to idk get to know each other more and like just to talk it just feels to me like they took the easy way out writing wise

also it’s literally the penultimate episode and noah has had ZERO character development and we still know very little about him but we’re still supposed to be rooting for him and liv?? how am i supposed to do that when he’s so underwritten?? this is all such a shame goddamn it

3) time management/pacing - i have no idea if it’s because i binged s1 or not but you can tell so hard with s2 that they’re on a time limit and it always confuses me what they end up coosing to spend time on. prime example: the sleepover clip. we spend 3 whole minutes (yes i checked) with liv going around that wake having that weird conversation that literally adds nothing to anything and then she finally sees noah we see them sit next to each other and listen to a record and ... then liv talks to ralph on the phone and it just cuts to them getting ready for bed like why spend so much time on unnecessary stuff in the beginning and then when there are finally opportunities for development they’ve got no more time left!!!

in general when there finally is a moment of tension or conflict the clip usually ends and we have to wait a whole day or even 2 for another clip and it just really makes me wish we’d get less of these quiet moments (and while they’re definitely necessary too i just feel like nl actually has way too many of them) and just give us more plot movement instead so we can actually get somewhere. this is less of a problem if you only watch whole eps but since this is skam and real time narrative it just doesn’t work for me.

4) conversations - the lack of converstions REAL conversations between noah and liv is sooo frustrating to me. they’ve basically only had ONE real conversation so far and that was when liv broke up with him. that was the first time they actually /talk/ to each other and ... okay i know everybody keeps saying NL is prioritising liv since it’s her own season and that it’s about her and not her realtionship with noah but i mean that relationship is a big part of her story?? and i still don’t know why liv actually likes noah, i don’t know how she realised that she loves him and we haven’t actually like ... seen them bond??

the conversation i did actually really like was the one between liv and esra when she asks if esra has ever been in love but i was just kinda like where did that come from?? they’d made out twice at that point and that was it?? i guess this ties in with the fact that it’s just plot driven which means i don’t necessarily get a character’s motivations since they explore the plot and not the characters themselves. the other actual conversation was the one liv had with engel but there for me it was another case of Where Did That Come From you know? like engel gives liv this whole thing about how she’s scared of chaos which is true but from a storytelling point of view there was nothing to like ... trigger that realisation? i mean of course theoretically i know that the girls are all close friends and just know each other well but when you tell a story (even if it’s skam that’s based in realism and believability) you need buildup to things and i feel like that something that really lacks in skam nl

5) in general - to me personally it just feels a lot like nl shies away from proper conflict a lot because resolving it would take time which they don’t have but that means they don’t build proper tension that drives the plot forward. and i actually have the same problem with s2 in the OG as well don’t get me wrong but i feel like that’s something they could change but haven’t because nl just?? idk seems scared of changing too much?? they change the characters but not the plot but why? who knows, i sure don’t and it’s not they way i enjoy a story being told

okay to end this whole thing on a more positive note lmao here’s some thing i actually do like about this season:

soundtrack is a+ as always nl is good at that

the cinematography and general aesthetic is just ... so pretty (but ngl i feel like that sometimes comes at a cost of substance)

the girl squad! although i can’t say it’s the best as many other people do because i never would have thought iman missing would be this noticeable but for me it throws off the entire dynamic?? anyway but i do like them

esra!! she’s so great

i just love isa

okay that’s all

[anip-ocs]

A Visit

Short fic below!

TW: Parent death, mild suicide ideation

The sun hung low in the sky, streaks of pink and orange beginning to paint their way across the sky. Darkened silhouettes of large trees blocked out parts of the sky, old branches hanging, craggly with time, above rows and rows of tombstones. The field was silent, save for the quiet footsteps of a visitor. His dark cloak hung around him, dark as if made from the shadows themselves, tattered red converse scuffing against the grass. Across his back, a bow and a quiver of arrows glowed, pulsing with a gentle orange light. Had anyone else been present in the graveyard, they would have easily recognized the hero, Shadow. Though, at the moment, his hood was off, and he didn’t look all too heroic cradling a bouquet of flowers to his chest. Of course, none can be too heroic standing amongst the remnants of the dead. And though he wore his hero attire, Shane Parker wasn’t here to be a hero. He was here to be alone. But not quite alone, all the same.

As he approached his destination, he took a breath, the plastic wrap around the flowers crinkling as he shifted his arms a bit. “Hey, Mom.” he said, his voice so shaky and quiet he himself could barely hear it. He could feel he was about to cry if he stayed a moment longer, but if there was ever a place to cry this was certainly it. “I was in the area, so I thought I’d drop by.” a bit louder this time. He lifted his gaze to look at his mother’s gravestone head on, lifting an arm to wipe at his tears as he tried to smile. “I brought your favorites.” he kneeled down and set the pink and white carnations before the grave, before taking a seat next to it. He wasn’t too embarrassed to admit the grass where he sat was worn away a bit.

A moment of silence hung in the air, as he tried to get a grip on the stuttering in his chest. This was a one-sided conversation between him and the two month old corpse of his mother, and the tiniest part of him felt stupid for almost expecting her to say something, expecting her to sit up and hug him to her and promise everything would be okay. Hell, his mother hadn’t been able to sit up in almost a year now, let alone hug anyone. Now was not the time to be craving something impossible to get.

“...everything seems so weird now, with you gone.” Shane said quietly. “Before, I could… I could keep going because I thought you’d get better someday, and we could be a normal family again, y’know? I think we all were hoping for that. Or maybe I was just naive. But now… its so hard. I mean, i-its always been hard, but everything feels like its piling on.”

He sighed, glancing at the grave, at the stems of the flowers he’d brought. Pink and white.

“...Alice got kicked out of ballet, and it's all my fault. I know you really wanted her to do ballet, and she loves it so much, I just… I couldn’t afford it. Haven’t been able to pay the studio in almost a year now, and they’d let it slide, but…” but enough had been enough, he supposed. But they didn’t have to be so cruel about it, did they?

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t pay this month, but I promise--” he stammered out, quiet and weak under the glare of the receptionist.

“What, you ‘promise’ to pay next month? You’ve been singing this song and dance for a year now, and I’m having a hard time believing you!” she said, tapping her pen against the record book with a scowl.

“I know, and I’m sorry, I just--I’m working as hard as I can, but--”

“If you can’t afford dance lessons, then don’t come get dance lessons!”

“If it were just for me, then I’d do it, but it's for Alice, I have to, she--”

“Well, then.” the receptionist’s voice suddenly went cold, her glare icy through her dark-framed glasses. She stood from her desk, the pen clattering to the floor. “I’m officially terminating her lessons with Miss Anne. Starting now.”

It felt like his heart skipped a beat, and for a moment he was frozen as the receptionist came around the other end of the desk and marched for the practice rooms. Then his brain kicked back into gear as he realized what she was about to do. “W-Wait, you can’t!! She has a recital in two weeks, she’s worked so hard, please--!!”

“Oh, the big recital?! Swan Lake?! In order to participate she’d need a new tutu, new slippers, new tights, a new leotard in order to match the other dancers, and you, sir, can’t even afford for her to be here! There’s certainly no way she’s going to ruin the big recital, especially if she should’ve been out of here a year ago!”

“M-Miss Greenwich, please, you have to believe I’m trying--”

Before he could try and get another word in, the receptionist threw open the door to the practice room, three dozen little faces stopping what they were doing to turn and see what was going on one by one. Forcing her way through the sea of children, she picked out a frizzy-haired little girl and grabbed her by the arm. Alice let out a shout as her nails scratched at her arm and she was yanked out of the room.

“What’s going on here, we’re in the middle of--” the ballet instructor began, pausing the music and turning to address the receptionist.

“Alice Parker hasn’t been paying the studio fees in almost a year now, Miss Anne, so her time in this class is over. Hopefully she didn’t have too big of a part, though I can’t imagine she would.” Miss Greenwich barely even turned her head as she continued her way across the room, grabbing Shane by his sleeve and dragging them both out of the dance studio entirely, practically tossing the two onto the sidewalk.

“Miss Greenwich, please--” Shane began, only to be cut off once more.

“You’re lucky I’m not calling the authorities! Your girl’s not welcome in here ever again until you can actually afford tuition, and to repay twelve months of it too! Now get off of our property before I do call the authorities, cheapskate!” and then she slammed the door in their faces, her form walking off through the frosted glass. Shane felt like time had frozen for a moment, his brain still trying to process that that had just happened, until he heard Alice start to cry beside him. He picked her up, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her back to their beat down pickup truck, her tears beginning to wet his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Alice.” he mumbled, hugging her tight a moment as a heavy weight bore onto his shoulders.

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

He pulled at the sleeve of his cloak, just thinking about what happened made him feel incredibly… small. “She was heartbroken. But honestly, the only thing worse is that now she feels like she has to worry.” he let out a sigh. “She stopped using the lunch money I gave her… she stopped eating lunch for two weeks before I found out, she said she didn’t want to use up money we need for something else. It’s taken me forever to even convince her that it's okay for her to eat, I don’t know what to do anymore! I’m working as many jobs as I can, but with Disillusions I... “

He laid back in the grass, the bow and arrow fading into sparks of light. “Its… selfish of me, isn’t it. I could be working so much more, but I have to take off to fight villains and monsters and go to team meetings… one of my jobs even threatened to fire me if I took another unauthorized break. I can’t blame them, but I just… Disillusions is one of the only other places I feel like I’m doing something. I could stop, but… I guess I just don’t want to.” he sighed. “Stupid, right?”

Of course, he could get help through Disillusions. Ken was rich, loaded rich--his father owned one of the largest technological corporations on the globe, and sent him $500 allowances that the boy barely used. All he had to do was tell him just how bad the situation really was and Ken was near-guaranteed to throw enough money at the problem to make it not a problem anymore. He’d helped Maddi a ton already, paying to rebuild her entire treehouse home when it was destroyed in a storm and even buying her groceries every other week.

But… he was too afraid to ask. Maybe he was just too prideful to admit that he was struggling, especially to someone who’d been raised in opulent captivity for so long he barely understood what middle class even looked like. Yet… that wasn’t quite it. Honestly? He was just kind of scared of Ken.

It wasn’t hard to be. With his dark black eyes and icy demeanor, most people shied away upon seeing him. Seeing him dressed in a cloak, big angel wings out for all to see, grinning as he sliced the head off the thirtieth little monster that day only solidified the fear. Ken was typically so stoic, it was hard to tell how he felt about… almost anyone. Shane wasn’t even sure if Ken liked him--he didn’t want to ask for help from someone who possibly hated him.

But he did need help. And soon.

“If we could just join the city’s program, that’d make things so much easier, but we can’t. The Independence program only allows one person per home, and Alice is still too young to apply for her own little place through the program. If we want to stay together, we’d have to go to the orphanage… I don’t think I want to do that.” he sighed.

“...I think I’m cursed. Well, I know I’m cursed, but I think it's reaching farther than I thought.” he rested an arm over his eyes and let out yet another sigh. The curse. He’d been cursed with immortality, which gave him an interesting sideset of powers but came with the weight of knowing he’d outlive everyone he’d ever cared for. He’d never imagined he’d lose his mother so soon, but she’d gotten ill and never improved. Only declined. It had started about a year after he’d been cursed in the first place, almost to the day. Since then? It had all gone downhill, until now Shane was struggling to pay utilities on the apartment and everything around him was falling apart.

A fresh set of tears welled up in him, and he wiped at his eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this, Mom…” someone his age was never meant to go through all of this alone--hell, he felt like no one should have to go through all of this at all, let alone on their own. Everything was piling up, and it was a guarantee that the problems would keep piling on his chest as everyone fell around him until he was alone carrying the weight of lifetimes of issues. Part of him wanted to just lay there beside his mother’s grave for eternity, through wind and rain, heat or cold, let himself be buried alongside her until he didn’t have to worry about anything anymore. The life of the dead (or lack thereof) seemed rather peaceful, after all.

But he couldn’t. He had to keep going, if for nothing else, for Alice. He was all she had left, and she desperately needed him to keep going so she could even dare hope for a future of her own. He’d sworn to himself that, if nothing else kept him going, that he’d keep going for his little sister. Even if it meant running on fumes, on bare remnants of energy and self. As long as she stayed happy, he could be a bit happy too.

But he still missed his mother, desperately. It was a constant ache in his chest, like a hand was squeezing at his heart. It sucked the life, the joy out of… everything. The burning determination he felt to care for his sister and those he cared about was nearly swallowed up by a dark void of nothingness. Sometimes he wanted to just fall backwards into it, watch everything fade to black and--

No. He couldn’t think like that. Shane sat up, biting his lip, gripping the grass in hands tight. He had to stick around. He had to. He could grieve, yes, but he had to keep living. Not because he didn’t have much choice, but because he had his reasons to want to. He felt a fire burn in his heart, and knew he could find the strength, the means to go on. His fingertips glowed, orange and hot. If he was strong enough and capable enough to fight hordes of giant monsters, he could find a way out of this mess they were in.

He fought monsters with a team, didn’t he? Maybe what he needed here was a team too. He just had to ask for help. Even if it meant facing down Ken Shinigami himself, he’d do what it takes.

He stood up, turning to face the gravestone again. Aziza Parker, it read, 1978--2019. The doctors had sworn to him that she’d never stopped fighting her illness for even an instant. His mother was headstrong and determined, had been as long as he remembered, and he couldn’t help but feel like she’d just shared a bit of that strength with him. He managed the smallest of smiles, took a deep breath. “Thank you, Mom. I’ll make you proud.”

Then he teleported, vanishing in a flash of orange sparks, bright against the dying light of the sun as the stars began their reign over the sky.

-----------------------

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[queenmorgawse]

i am in the birds that sing (i am in each lovely thing)

THIS FIC HAS SPOILERS FOR CHAPTERS 123-124 OF TGCF. as a disclaimer, though, i'm only caught up with suika's translation, so i don't know how these two actually end up. pls don't spoil me!! content warnings : suicidal thoughts / ....suicide equivalent? think what mo xuanyu pulled in mdzs canon. nothing graphic, but it's not lightly implied either. please take care! here's some soundtrack, if reading with music is your thing.  read on ao3 + end notes.

He Xuan,

This is a graceless beginning to a graceless letter, isn’t it? Of course, it hardly matters. I wish for you to never read this at all, so you can remain as happy as you can be. I don’t even know if this will survive my endeavor. If it has, and if you’re reading it, I urge you to fold it again and burn it. It will bring you no joy.

Why write the letter at all, then? The truth is, I am awfully lonely, these days, and this is hardly something I can simply tell my neighbour when I invite her over for tea. She’s a sweet young woman. I hope she fares well after this. I’ll have to ask her to leave the pinwheels where they are, and see that they don’t get blown away.

I keep getting lost in thoughts, but again, it doesn’t matter. All I have to waste is paper and time, and though I’ve spent much of one already, I shall not run out of the other before I am done.

I suppose I just want to clear my head and go...wherever I am going serenely, without dragging a heavy heart behind. I am also selfish in that special way humans are, and want to cling to the possibility, as infinitesimal as it is, that someone somewhere will know of me.

To the core of the problem, then ⎯ or, actually, the core of the solution.

I have a little divinity left in me, you see. Oh, not much ; figuratively, barely enough to fill a teacup. It will not keep me immortal, or give me my spiritual devices back. Ultimately, it will not save me, so I thought I might devote it to something that will be worth it.

I’ve been doing an awful ton of research. My brother attempted the impossible and, against all odds, succeeded. I made my best attempt at doing the same. There are many spells forbidden and forgotten to find, if one works with single-minded purpose.

I unearthed the one I wanted, after a while.

-

Shi Wudu’s sixth birthday goes by without a hitch. So does the year that follows it, and the next, and the next. He never presses his ear against his mother’s door, waiting with baited breath for a newborn’s first wail. There is no longer a nursery and no new cradle in the Shi family’s mansion.

When he leaves, stubbornly holding his head high as whispers and gossip surround him, what remains of his belongings tucked in the bag hanging at his shoulder, he leaves alone.

-

I thought of looking for a way to bring your family and fiancée back to life, at first. Then I realized that if they did, they would still be mortal, and your happiness would be fleeting. It was a great shame to lose them once ; it would have been a tragedy to watch them die again. I discarded that idea soon after I came up with it.

-

A group of children wades through the shallow current of the stream that runs like a silver ribbon around the town of Fu Gu. The boys rolled up their pants to their knees, the girls hiked up their skirts as high as they dared. They kick and splash water at each other, and the air rings with startled yelps and breathless laughter.

One of the girls latches onto the shoulders of the boy next to her and bears down with all her weight, dragging them both into the river. She bolts to her feet as fast as she can, expecting him to catch her and pull her back again, giggles and wrings water out of her soaked mess of a dress. Instead, he stares at her like he’s never seen her before, like she caught the sun shining high above them and set it into her smile.

Not for the first time, she is mesmerizing. For the first time, he is charmed.

-

When I found what I was looking for, it took me one year to translate it, then another to check it over again and practice. Aren’t arrays that must be drawn perfectly in a single line so very annoying? I had to make sure it worked.  

These are bold words from me, though. Even as I sit here, writing this, I do not know whether it will succeed. All I know is that I won’t be able to live with myself if I do not try.

-

Red robes rustle as the couple kneel and bow their heads before the family shrine.

There is no gold to line the bride’s veil, and the clothes themselves have been handed down three generations. But the joy ⎯ the joy they radiate changes everything. In that aspect, an emperor couldn’t dream of a lovelier wedding.

As is tradition, the bride and groom bow thrice : once to the heaven and the earth, once to the aging couples looking on with tears in their eyes, and once to each other. They rise to the sound of cheers, their hands still clasped in each other’s. The wedding party wishes them good luck, prosperity, healthy children, their words running together like songs.

Blessings come raining down on them, and the road ahead is endless.

-

Here is how it works : the only person who needs to disappear is me. The rest is all consequences, like ripples in a pond. Without me in the middle, there is no stone to be thrown, and the surface remains peaceful. There will be no newborn baby for a hungry spirit to latch on. My brother will never go to the lengths he did for someone who never existed to begin with.

You will have the life you should have had from the beginning, without knowing you ever suffered.

-

In a beautiful two-storied house, a young woman slumps against the bed frame, her face flushed, breathless but somehow glowing. The midwife hands her a small, wailing bundle. She takes it into her arms with infinite gentleness, cradling it to her chest.

The door opens. A young man in dark robes half runs, half flies into the room, a little girl on his heels. The child climbs onto the bed, babbling at her mother the entire time, while her husband leans over her, his gaze softening.

Three dark heads bend together, cooing at the newborn. The baby opens its eyes and chirps at them, small and soft. The mother starts to cry, while the girl whoops and claps until her father shushes her.

A few minutes later, another woman bursts into the room. Gege! she calls, then gasps. Oh, she’s so cute!

He Chunhua, they call the infant, for the spring flowers blooming outside the mother’s window.

-

It is a simple and elegant solution. The best I could come up with, anyway.

Don’t think I rushed headlong into this. I could have, as I rushed into many other messes ⎯ but I thought this time, neither ge nor you would be here to catch me if I fell, and so I proceeded as carefully as I knew how.

I made a list of everyone my disappearance might affect. Of course, my brother and yourself were the first. I used to be upset at this, but now, I am glad the other heavenly officials were never as fond of me as they claimed to be. Fewer ripples in the pond to mind.

I thought of all the prayers I answered over the years, the little demands and the big. But I trust that you, the version of He Xuan I never knew, are a good person, and that you will attend to your worshipers as I have to mine. Hopefully, you will also help His Highness in his time of need.

I suppose that with all this covered, there is not much more for me to say.

-

Three children tug each other by the hand. One is, to tell the truth, a teenager already ; the second doesn’t appear older than eleven or twelve, and the third is only a small boy, eight years old at most. The eldest leads them up the temple’s steps and into the semi-darkness.

There, the shadows are broken by thousands of candles lit by a steady stream of worshipers. Even now, as the dusky sky stretches into night, many still pray at the god’s feet. They ask for kind winds on their journeys, for good fortune for their businesses, for beneficial matches for their children. A hundred prayers rise into the sky, with the smoke of a hundred merits. All over the land, there are such temples, with such people sending the Lord Wind Master their wishes and hoping for his blessing.

The eldest sister lights an incense stick for each of her younger siblings. Together, they kneel among the other devotees.

Unlike the others, their prayers do not ask for anything. They tell the god about their mother, and how hard she’s been working lately. They talk about their grandmother, whose health has been improving a little with the death of winter, and about their grandfather, whose extraordinary resilience still has him running the family’s shop despite his old age. They talk about themselves, too ; how their education goes, the friends they’ve made, the life ahead of them.

It always ends the same way. Father, I hope you are doing well. We miss you very much.  

They will come back next week.

-

If you’ve read up until here, you have thoroughly disregarded the advice I’ve given in the first lines, and I must scold you for it. I understand, though. There are few things more tempting than the truth, once it has shown even a glimpse of itself. I hope this doesn’t upset you too much. You were in so much pain that first time ; even after all that has happened, I do not want to add to it, even in a lifetime where you will not remember.

Well, now you know. If this letter exists at all, that is. The person who wrote it was never here, so it is unlikely, but I cling to the childish hope that it will make it through somehow.

I don’t know what will happen to me. The ritual says very little, only that it goes against the rules of the world. I don’t know whether I will be able to enter the cycle of reincarnation again, or if it is forever barred to me.

What I said that day is true. I wanted to die then, and even now, I cannot bring myself to mind the idea. What changed since I left the island is that I decided I would rather not die in vain. If the letter survived, then at least one person in the world will remember my name. I’m quite happy with that.

I hope it doesn't hurt. I hope it feels just like falling asleep.

I want to say more, I really do. But, He Xuan, if you have read this to the end, I don’t want to burden you with anything you might feel towards the shadow of a ghost, be it hatred, or guilt, or (dare I hope) gratefulness.

Once again, I am sorry. The wrongs of this lifetime will never appear in yours, but I will remember them all the same. I cannot bring myself to forgive that version of you for what you did, no more than I can forgive myself for what I took part in.

It is all right, though. There will soon be a blank slate, a world in which neither of these things happened, and we are happy ⎯ or at least, at peace.

Just know that even though you might think I have done much for a stranger’s sake, you were the furthest thing from a stranger to me.

With hope once again,

Shi Qingxuan

-

In the middle of a convoluted array stands a forgotten god. Blood drips down their fingertips as they bend down to complete the circle with a swift, decisive stroke.

The dawn explodes into shards of light.

When the dust settles, the field is almost empty. A gentle spring breeze blows across neat rows of pinwheels.

All is quiet, and all is new.

[mermaidsirennikita]

July 2019 Book Wrap-up

July was actually a really good month for me!  I read a ton of books, and a lot of them were actually pretty good?  It’s been a very transitory month for me; and I’m hoping to keep up the momentum as I start a new job.  The standouts of the month include War, of my beloved Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse series by Laura Thalassa, and Lock Every Door, a creepy, apartment-centric psychological thriller by Riley Sagers.

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon.  3/5.  Heartbroken by the death of her grandfather--the only parent she really knew--Anne Gallagher travels to Ireland.  Ireland was her grandfather’s homeland, she she grew up on his stories of a family she has little connection with.  Going out on the lake, she suddenly finds herself thrown back into 1921, in an Ireland on the brink of civil war.  Taken in by Thomas Smith, a friend of her great-grandfather--who himself died young in the conflict--she finds a young boy who is oddly familiar, and a group of people she can’t help but connect with.  As she grows close to Thomas and enveloped in his political struggles, Anne becomes terrified of her lack of control over the time she’s in, or the future she’s facing.  This is a time travel romance, as you’d probably guess.  And it’s really not super amazing or much to complain about.  There is fluff.  There are the necessary “out of time” moments, the tension between the hero and the heroine.  It does seem that Harmon did her research on the Irish political landscape of the 1920s--but I can’t verify the novel’s accuracy.  To be frank, I think that this actually got in the way of the story to an extent.  The amount of time Michael Collins took up in this novel, acting as like...  the best friend character?  Was a bit awkward.  Otherwise, it’s a fluffy, nice read.

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren.  3/5.  Olive and Ethan hate each other, which is awkward as his brother is marrying her sister.  But after the entire wedding party--save Olive and Ethan--end up with food poisoning, they agree to go on the honeymoon trip together, to save it from being completely wasted.  The plan on avoiding each other the entire time; but when Olive encounters her future boss at the resort and tells what seems to be a white lie, they end up having to impersonate newlyweds.  You can probably guess what happens next!  Christina Lauren books usually feature protagonists with a fun, sweet chemistry, and this novel is no exception.  The beach setting and Olive and Ethan’s angsty, unresolved sexual tension makes most of this book a super fun read.  The only reason why I didn’t give it 4/5 is that the last twenty percent or so really annoyed me.  There is a very typical twist, which wasn’t the problem--how our male lead reacted to it was.  It didn’t ruin the book, but it did make me much less likely to give it a wholehearted recommendation.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager.  5/5.  After losing her job and breaking up with her live-in boyfriend, Jules is desperate for money and a place to stay.  As luck would have it, she stumbles upon an opportunity that offers both.  The Bartholomew is an old building, populated by the wealthy elite; and Jules has long idolized it as the setting of one of her favorite childhood books.  When the apartments are in between owners, their inherent value makes them targets for thieves--which is why the building’s managers employ apartment sitters.  Jules is offered $12,000 to live in an apartment for three months; and despite her wariness, she can’t turn that kind of offer down.  But when her newfound friend and fellow apartment sitter Ingrid goes missing, Jules sets on to a horrifying search for answers, which yield far more than she’s bargained for.  It’s official: I really do love Riley Sager books.  He’s 3/3 so far, and this one just may be my favorite.  Sager isn’t shy about drawing from classic horror tropes, and this novel is no exception--it owes a good bit to Rosemary’s Baby and The Shining.  But of course, another totally out there twist is thrown in, making the story his own.  I can’t say much without spoiling it.  But if you love thrillers and horror, try it.  What pushes the book over the edge for me is that it has a real point about today’s class systems, and the privileges of wealth and the victimization of the poor in America.

The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary.  4/5.  Following a disastrous breakup, Tiffy needs a flat, and badly.  So when she sees the ad posted by Leon, she’s desperate enough to take it.  As Tiffy is an assistant editor and Leon is a night nurse, they have different schedules.  They live in the flat together and even share a bed--though they sleep on opposite sides--but never see each other, communicating through notes left about the apartment.  At first, it’s stiff--but gradually, as they learn more about one another and their separate troubles (from Tiffy’s obsessive ex to Leon’s incarcerated brother) they begin to rely on each other for more than just room and board...  This is a really fucking cute, very sweet romantic comedy that touches on deeper subjects than you might think.  The way through which Tiffy and Leon connect is pretty unique, and I felt for both of them.  They were pleasant without being annoyingly perfect, and I just had a great time with the novel.

War by Laura Thalassa.  4/5.  As the apocalypse rages on, Miriam struggles to live in an Israel ravaged by the literal War--that is, the horseman of the apocalypse.  When the supernatural warlord stumbles across her in the battlefield, he’s taken aback by her own fury, and declares that she was sent by God to be his wife.  Thrown in with War and his followers, Miriam is exposed to the true horror of the battlefield--while also learning that there may be more to War’s purpose, and her connection with him, than she thought.  This is the sequel to Pestilence, and part of a big fat series about women falling in love with the four horsemen of the apocalypse.  And I love them.  War is a surprisingly endearing hero, though Thalassa never shies away from how brutal the horsemen are--which I so appreciate.  You never forget that War isn’t a human, however you may love him.  Miriam is another fun heroine, and one of those lovely characters who is honestly quite softhearted but still aggressive and never weak.  It’s a cheesy romance novel, and it’s exactly what you should read right now, immediately.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson.  3/5.  Elisabeth is a foundling, raised in the Great Library of Austermeer to take care of its magical grimoires.  When the library is attacked and its most powerful grimoire unleashed, Elisabeth is implicated in the crime.  Sent to the capital to be dealt with, she becomes wrapped up in a conspiracy, with only a suspicious sorcerer to rely upon.  I adored Rogerson’s first novel (An Enchantment of Ravens), and I wish I’d loved this one more.  It was well-written, and the characters were interesting, but I just found the story a bit hard to get caught up in.  Honestly, I think this had less to do with the plot itself and more to do with the pacing and length of the book.  It took way too long for things to get started, and things just moved too slowly for my taste.  However, I do think that tons of people will LOVE this book--if sorcery and slow burns are up your alley, go for it!

On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves.  2/5.  Thirty-year-old Anna is happy to take a dream teaching job--she’s tutoring the nearly-seventeen year old T.J. as his family vacations over the summer in the Maldives.  Flying separately from the rest of the group, Anna and T.J. are thrown off course when their pilot has a heart attack and crashes into the sea, leaving the two of them trapped on an isolated island.  As the years pass and Anna and T.J. survive together, they come to face the reality of a new world--and their changing feelings.  I had to read this for the what the fuck factor, basically?  To clarify, nothing happens between the leads until the guy is almost nineteen, and by then they’ve been alone for so long that it’s honestly pretty understandable.  I feel like this could have been great, trashy fun and it still kind of was, but the writing was so........................................  Not great?  It was really clunky and really awkward, and the characters kept repeating things to each other that didn’t need to be repeated.  The dialogue took me out more than anything else.  But I don’t know, I wasn’t disengaged?  It’s a spectacle of a book.

The Royal Secret by Lucinda Riley.  3/5.  After the death of acting legend Sir James Harrison, reporter Joanna is set to cover his funeral.  There, she meets a mysterious older woman, who sets her on a path to uncover a secret that has been hidden for more than seventy years--connected to the royal family.  I don’t have much to say about this one.  It intrigued me because it was actually published a little over 20 years ago, but due to the timing--it was written when the royal family was at a peak low in terms of popularity, but published right around the time that the popularity took an upswing--it did rather poorly.   It was an interesting enough read, but never grabbed me. The characters felt disconnected and bland, and ultimately the thriller aspects were pretty light, or maybe just not the types that I enjoy.  It’s not a bad book, but it’s also not for me.  

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo.  2/5.  This non-fiction book follows three women throughout the years, focusing on their varied sex lives.  This just wasn’t for me.  Other people will love it, but I was looking for something less...  intentionally poetic.  I wanted it to be more honest and upfront and analytical.  

The Last Leonardo: The Secret Lives of the World’s Most Expensive Painting by Ben Lewis.  4/5.   An account of the history of Salvator Mundi, the allegeded Leonardo da Vinci work sold for $450 million.  Lewis writes in an engaging manner, revealing both the painting’s history and the case for and against it being a Leonardo--and what I really love too is his examination of the questions surrounding its value even if it is a Leonardo, considering the painting’s extensive restoration (which could have arguably taken away from the artist’s original hand) and its general quality compared to other works by Leonardo.  I’m not sure if people who aren’t into art history or at least history would be into this, but I found Lewis’s skepticism and reserve regarding the topic weirdly refreshing.  I have a lot of feelings about Salvator Mundi, and I appreciated the way he communicated his.

The Descendant of the Crane by Joan He.  4/5.  After the death of her father, Hesina is left as the heir to the throne.  The issue?  She thinks that her father was murdered--and in her pursuit of the truth, she seeks help from a sooth, one of the magic-users forbidden by the Eleven, the wise people who restructured the kingdom years ago.  She is then set to work with Akira, a thief who’s meant to represent her in court as she struggles to find the killer--but ends up on a path that will reveal more than she’d bargained for.  It’s hard to not spoil this one?  It has many twists and turns, to the point that it did get kind of convoluted (and the ending is far from resolved, though there’s no guarantee of a sequel). But I admire He’s ambition and the scope of the story.  I hope we do get a follow-up!

[aquaquadrant]

Title: it wears a mask Chapter Warnings: Nightmare, claustrophobia, panic attacks, slight dysphoria. Summary: Beck has a change of heart at the trainyard and takes Peter captive instead. In many ways, it turns out much, much worse. (NOT SLASH)

Chapter Eleven

~*~

It’s dark.

Peter’s not sure how he knows this. He can’t open his eyes, they’re too heavy, like his eyelashes have turned to lead- why is that, can’t he just look around? It’s a blackness that seems to sink through his lids, so heavy, wrapping him up like a cocoon, he can almost feel it like arms wrapping around his middle and squeezing.

His body feels slow and big and awkward, why can’t he move- trapped trapped trapped trapped- there’s something pressing against him on all sides, he can sense it, a hard flat surface jostles the back of his head and his breath fogs above him, warm steam on his face, almost wet- wet like water, dripping, rushing through the concrete debris of a destroyed warehouse as pain rips through his leg and he screams for help but no one hears-

He’s alone, so alone, he hears nothing but his own heart and it’s loud, it’s impossibly loud, why can he hear it so loud? It’s beating too loud, too fast, he’s panicking- he tries to call out. His body doesn’t respond, doesn’t move- he’s so heavy- and breath hisses out of him, quick and low. It’s more of a vibration than anything, a sound he feels in his muscles more than he hears, and it’s like nothing he’s felt before. It confuses and terrifies him and his heart beats faster, faster, faster-

Light, suddenly. He shies from it violently, some wordless sound getting strangled in his throat, flinching as he tries to move away from it. His body doesn’t respond- he’s heavy- it can’t, there’s something holding him down, keeping him trapped, and his skin crawls.

New sensations flood over him, each other them too loud, too much- voices, he doesn’t recognize, doesn’t process, all of the words crashing to pieces in his ears and sending shockwaves through his body. The light is unceasing, and his world shakes, tips, jolts. He feels new air on his face and the sounds get louder and the light gets brighter and a strong sudden scent floods his nose, rushing blood, warm bodies, acrid smoke and rubber tires and wet pavement. It all trembles through him, he can feel himself shaking from the force of it.

Hands press onto him, the weight is light but he feels every inch of it, every vibration, every small amount of force pressing down, down, down, too heavy, like a ton of concrete. He hisses at it, tries to pull away, tries to strike out, tries to bite, sink his fangs into-

Fangs?

The thought freezes him. For a heart-lurching moment, his consciousness wrestles with itself inside his head. What fangs? Why does that sound wrong? (Right?) He doesn’t have- does he have-?

Then something sharp pricks his arm, and everything slips away.

~*~

“Where does this load go?”

Beck swiftly eyes the boxes. “Main command center,” he says. “That’s part of the security system circuit.”

“Gotcha, boss.”

Beck watches the man wheel away the stack of boxes, his hands on his hips.

The transport didn’t go as smoothly as he’d hoped it would. About halfway through, Peter woke up. Beck wasn’t there, of course, travelling in a completely different vehicle. But he’s been told that while Peter wasn’t fully conscious- unable to do more than thrash a bit in his restraints- he was much more so than he should’ve been. They’d only discovered this when his monitoring system reported his heart rate had jumped to one-hundred and twenty.

Since then, Beck has checked and double-checked the dose of tranquilizer he gave Peter; it should’ve been more than sufficient to keep him under for the entire duration of the trip. So he’s left with the unsettling puzzle of why Peter wasn’t affected by the drug the way he should’ve been, the way he was last time.

He’s also trying to make sure everything gets unpacked and set up smoothly. It’s a big compound to fill, and the sooner they get the surveillance equipment back up, the better. Edith keeps him updated via his watch, but he’ll feel a lot better to have eyes on his targets again.

Beck lifts his wrist up to speak into his watch. “Edith, status report on the barrier.”

“Status; unchanged. Cloaking technology is functioning properly.”

“Thanks, dear.” Beck runs a hand through his hair, trying to calm down. Moving day is always stressful. But this is a good change. Now he has a proper hero hideout, safe and secure from prying government eyes, with the space and freedom to do whatever he needs. That Wakandan tech is fierce stuff; to the outside eye, there’s nothing here but empty, rolling fields, dotted with clumps of woodland.

Another pair of team members comes by with a rolling stack of crates. “Where are we setting up the lab?” one asks.

Beck glances over at them. “Lab is the next floor up, elevators are down the hall and to the-”

Edith’s voice comes from his watch.

“Target is awake and distressed.”

Beck turns away from the men abruptly. “Excuse me, gentlemen.” He briskly walks away, to one of several small offices on this level, and closes the door behind him. “Edith, display feed.”

From his watch, a holographic projection flickers into the room. It’s the view of Peter’s room, nearly identical to his previous one, except made of sturdy metal alloy instead of concrete and with a nicer- but just as sparse- bathroom.

Peter’s awake and pacing rapidly, his projection flitting back and forth in front of Beck. The hologram technology Edith has is quite impressive, so there isn’t a lot of detail lost in the image. Beck can clearly see the anxiety in Peter’s face, and can see his lips moving ever so slightly as he mumbles to himself.

“Put me through.” Beck clears his throat, holding his arm out so Peter will be able to see his image clearly as it projects into the room. “Welcome home, Peter. Enjoy your little nap?”

Peter rounds on him, not even sparing a moment to look surprised to see his holographic image, or to look insulted by his jab. “What did you do to me?” he demands.

Beck chuckles. “Relax, it was just another tranquilizer.”

“What? No, not- not that.” Peter backs away, shaking his head. “It was so- everything was so intense, I could hear, and- and- and smell everything? More than usual, it was so intense, it hurt.” His hands rake through his hair. “And that- that feeling, inside me, like there was something in there with me and I could sense it and it could sense me? But it was me. And I was it, but it wasn’t right.”

Beck blinks. Well, that’s… different.

“… gee, they must’ve hit you with more than I thought,” he mutters finally. “You should lay down, sleep the rest of it off.”

“I’m not delirious!” Peter snaps. “Whatever you gave me-”

“It was the exact same tranquilizer as before!” Beck interrupts. “The exact same dose!”

“Well it did something!” Peter insists, a hint of desperation coloring his voice. He’s trembling. “Those feelings, those thoughts, they- they weren’t normal.”

Beck frowns. “You were barely conscious, Peter, you weren’t thinking clearly,” he says patiently. “Just lay down, get some rest, and you’ll feel better.” This extreme reaction is a bit unnerving- maybe something in the drug went bad and caused an unexpected reaction in the kid.

“It wasn’t normal.” Peter wraps his arms around himself, glancing away. He takes a deep breath. “… please, can’t you let Virgil check it out? Just to be safe?”

It’s suddenly crystal clear. Beck can feel the way his expression darkens, and it’s an ugly thing, mimicking the ugly feeling knotting up in his stomach.

“Now I see,” Beck says lowly. “You want your good friend Virgil to come chat with you, huh? That’s what this is about?”

Peter looks up in surprise. “What? No, I-”

“You shouldn’t lie about these things to get your way, Peter. It’s unbecoming of you.” Beck’s voice is hard with anger, to the point that he barely recognizes it. His hand aches from the fist he’s clenched it in.

Beck has made it explicitly clear that Virgil isn’t a friend for Peter to hang around with, or try to garner sympathy from. But instead of accepting it, Peter’s trying to make up some far-fetched excuse to get time with Virgil again. It’s sneaky, and defiant, and Beck might be impressed if he wasn’t so furious.

“I’m not lying!” Peter protests. “I just want to-”

“That’s enough,” Beck hisses. “I don’t want to hear anything more about this, or you lose your exercise privileges. Do you understand me?”

Peter’s eyes flare wide with emotion. Shock, confusion, hurt, anger. It twists his features, pulling the jagged scar along the side of his face out of symmetry. It’s interesting, that despite fully knowing his limited freedom is conditional, Peter is still so thrown by Beck threatening to take it away.

“Fine,” Peter answers finally, eyes dropping to the floor.

“Good.” Beck can’t even feel satisfied at the show of obedience, and ends the transmission without another word, Peter’s image blinking away. He stands there for a moment, fuming.

“Ooh, Virgil’s the best,” Beck mocks to himself, imitating Peter’s higher voice. “I wanna hang out with my best pal, Virgil. Ugh. Unbelievable.” He shakes his head. “Edith, what are we gonna do with that boy?”

“Request unclear, please rephrase.”

“Nevermind.” Beck heaves a sigh, and opens the office door.

The two men are still waiting there with their stack of crates, looking sheepish. Beck rubs his face. “Down the hall and to the left,” he answers, before they can ask.

With hurried thank you’s, the men leave. Beck looks out the window to see several more moving vans still in the process of being unloaded. He can feel a headache coming on.

‘Patience, Beck,’ he reminds himself. The sooner they get everything settled, the sooner Phase Two can begin. And once that happens, he has a feeling Peter’s behavioral problems won’t be much of a concern. After all, escaping is a lot less appealing when you don’t have a life to escape back to.

“Edith, when is Mr. Jenkins scheduled to arrive?” Beck asks.

“Mr. Jenkins is scheduled to arrive in thirty-seven hours.”

Crunch time, then. The compound has to be set up beforehand, and there’s still details to be worked out before the launch. Drones to fine-tune, recordings to be made, payment to be settled. But assuming all goes well, ‘Spider-Man’ will be dead within the week.

And Mysterio will emerge as the true next great hero of humanity.

~*~

[theroyalweisme]

Follow Me (Liam x MC)

Book: Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x MC (Riley)

Rating: PG 13

Word Count: +2700

Summary: He’s gone to NYC... To find her... to talk to her... But he’s left his Best Friend to run things back home... What could go wrong?

Author’s Note: Part 10 of Hold On

Wow has it ever been a LONG time since I’ve written this. I’m sorry for making you all wait so long… I hope it was worth it! Special thanks to @mfackenthal and @kinkykingliam for listening to me ramble as I wrote this...

Also I’m sorry if I missed you in tags... it’s been so damned long.

Catch up here

Tagging: @youwontlikewherewewillgo @chrstbll @pens-girl-87 @mariawalkerwrites @mrswalkerreynolds @queencatherynerhys @hhiggs @viktoriapetit @topsyturvy-dream @heatherfilliez

Permatags: @mfackenthal @kinkykingliam @enmchoices @writtenbycandy @alwaysthebestchoice @diamond-dreamland @craftytacotrashdream @umccall71 @mitalijoshi @blackcatkita @xxrainbowprincessxx @scarlettedragon @ranishajay @hopefulmoonobject

-Liam’s POV-

The feeling of her hand in mine warmed my soul as I led her out of the bar and down the street towards the water. Bastien fell into step behind us as we continued to walk.

“You brought Bastien with you?” Her voice was soft as the question passed by her soft lips. I felt my heart jump a beat or two at the sound of her.

“Yes…” I cleared my throat, trying to come up with the words to say to her. “I thought it would be best.”

“Of course…” she nodded her gaze looking over the water.

“Riley…” I started leading her towards a secluded bench. Her crystal blue eyes lifted to mine as we sat side by side on the bench. “You just left.”

She pulled her gaze from mine, trying to hide the tears I could see gathering behind them.

“Please, my love,” I soothed, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand with my thumb. “Please don’t run from me here… It’s just me.”

“I… I didn’t mean to run from you, Liam,” she sighed as my fingers lifted her face back to mine. “I… I was drowning there.”

“What do you mean?” My voice trembled. “I didn’t-“

“No… No, Liam,” she interrupted my thoughts vehemently. “Never. It was never you. You were the only thing keeping me grounded.”

“So then… why?”

She pushed all the air out of her lungs as she considered her answer, my heart pounding as I waited for her words.

-Riley’s POV-

“So then… why?” Liam’s words hit me like a ton of bricks… How could I tell him the real reason?

That I was weak… That there was no way I could stay in Cordonia and become its queen. That I needed him to be happy and move on… That my soul shattered even thinking of him with someone else.

I leaned heavily against the park bench as I considered what I would tell him, my mind drifting to a conversation I had so many years ago looking over this same river.

“Daddy…” My voice was tentative as I stared over the water, not wanting to look into my father’s steel grey eyes.

“What’s up, Rye Bread?” My father’s voice enveloped me, not unlike his strong arms. I glanced down at my hands, twisting in my lap nervously.

“How do you know you’re in love?” My words were rushed and half under my breath, my father was forced to lean in to catch what I had said.

“In love?” He croaked, his voice cracking with shock. “Well… at twelve… you shouldn’t be in love… Not until you’re at least thirty…”

“Daddy…” I rolled my eyes at him, seeing a smile crack on his lips.

“I had hoped I wouldn’t need to have this conversation with you for a long time, baby…” he sighed, pulling into a side hug awkwardly.

“I’m not a baby anymore. I’m almost a teenager,” my chin jut out in an air of authority as he chuckled lightly next to me.

“That you are, Rye Bread… that you are,” his eyes took on a wistful quality as he thought about my original question. “You want to know how to know if you’re in love…?”

I nodded easily.

“Should I be worried about a boy?” He looked down at me, half sad… half worried… and a sliver of pride shining through his gaze.

“Gross, Daddy!” I cried pushing against him. “No… I just want to know… so I can be ready for it... when it happens.”

My father paused before nodding, allowing my words to sink into him.

“Okay…” he smiled softly, I could almost see the image of my mother in front of his mind eye. “When the person standing next to you becomes a home more than the four walls around you, you’re in love. When the world stops as soon as they walk through the door… you’re in love. When they’re the first person you want to tell the good news to and the only one you want to console you through bad news… My little, Rye Bread… that’s love.”

“And you have that with, Mom?” My blue eyes shone up at him hopefully.

“She’s my world…” he smiled down at me before placing a kiss on the top of my head. “Not unlike my crazy daughter.”

“Daddy…” I warned trying to hide my smile from him.

“Riley…” Liam called gently to me, his fingers brushing against my cheek. “Why did you leave?”

“I… I had to…” I lifted my eyes to him, trying to take the hurt I knew I had caused him and pull it to myself. “Liam… It was never you. It was…”

I sighed deeply, motioning around me.

“Everything… The palace… The guards… Planning our wedding. It was too much.” His forehead crinkled as he took in my words silently. “I couldn’t breathe…”

He stepped away from me, just a few paces before he turned back to me the hurt shining in his eyes.

“Was I not enough for you?” His deep blue eyes shone with tears causing the lump in my throat to grow even bigger than it was.

“No…” I whispered softly into the wind. “I wasn’t enough…”

Before I knew what was happening Liam knelt in front of me on the cold concrete. He pulled my hands in his, his ocean blue eyes pleading with me as his voice cracked with passion.

“You are always enough, Riley MacEwan,” he insisted. “Riley… When you left…”

He paused clearing his throat from the emotion.

“When I couldn’t find you…” He sighed deeply, I could see him searching for the words to say to me. “I died a thousand deaths that day. I thought so many things I could have never of fathomed before meeting you.”

He pushed a curl off of my face his thumb lingering on my cheek, catching a single tear as it escaped my eye.

“You are my life,” he proclaimed, his own eyes shining with unshed tears. I couldn’t stop myself from sliding off of the bench and into his lap, my lips pressing gently to his as my hands cupped his cheeks. It took a second for the shock of my movements to wear off for him; but as soon as it had his fingers wound themselves deep into my curls, his lips returning my kiss fervently.

“Where are you staying?” He pulled his lips away from me. It took everything in me from following his lips with my own. His eyes danced as he waited for my response.

“On Daniel’s couch...” I flinched out of embarrassment at the thought of not being in my own place already. “I...I didn’t want to be alone...”

“Daniel... he was the man from the bar? The bartender?” His eyes held an essence of sadness as he pulled himself up and onto the bench. My brow furrowed as I scrambled up next to him.

“Yah…” I watched him closely as his gaze shied away from me. “Both Daniel and his wife, Emily, have been amazing about me crashing there.”

His eyes shot up to mine as the realization of what I just said to him sunk in.

“W-wife?” a soft grin played at the corner of his lips as my own lips twitched.

“Mmmhmm…” I held my hand out to him. “And their one-year-old, Henry… He’s such a little card. You’d love him.”

His strong hand curled around mine as I started to walk back towards the crowded streets.

“Just watch your head if he’s holding any Legos…” he chuckled softly with me, our arms swinging gently between us.

“Perhaps we should retire to my hotel, rather than your friends’ apartment?” My teeth pressed into my lower lip as I kept my gaze out in front of me.

“They’d probably appreciate that…” I glanced over at him through my peripheral vision as a grin grew on his plush lips. He pulled my hand up to lips kissing the knuckles gently as we continued down the street, Bastien falling into step behind me.

-Drake’s POV-

This was supposed to be an easy task… Just make sure the country doesn’t fall apart while my best friend, and the fucking King, runs after the love of his life. No problem right? Wrong.

I had been buried in Liam’s study from the moment he shut the door to the SUV. Madeleine hadn’t gone back to Fydelia yet, a surprising blessing, and she had kept me moving forward with the projects that were pressing.

Not that I wanted to be making any of these decisions. But my supposed “best friend” had turned off his phone. Maybe Bastien would answer…

I dialled the familiar numbers on Liam’s desk phone pressing the receiver to my ear as it rang, once… twice… three times… four…

“You have reached…” The message started in Bastien’s clipped tone as I slammed the phone back into its cradle.

“Damnit!” I shouted to the empty study. What the fuck was I doing here? I didn’t have the right to be making decisions for this fucking country! I was just the King’s best friend… Some lowly commoner kid that a prince took pity on when we were younger. My fingers curled around the crystal tumbler as I stared down at the package in front of me.

How the fuck does Liam do this day in and day out? My head was throbbing as I tipped the crystal to my lips savouring the dark amber liquid in the glass before turning back to the garble of words in front of me.

In accordance with Section 6.2 of the Cordonian Tax Reform Bill 27C…

My eyes closed as a soft thud pounded behind them. I pressed my fingers against my temples as shouting started outside of the study door.

“Miss…” The guard posted outside the heavy oak door, Jonah…? Jonathan…? Something like that, cried as it swung open, a petit brunette bursting through the door. “Miss… you cannot…”

“Your Majesty,” the dark-haired woman demanded, her head was still down as she continued to stomp towards the desk, determination oozing from every pore. “I need to speak with you. The paltry amount you’ve provided will bare-“

Her eyes drifted up to mine, warm brown orbs stared back at me from a perfectly heart-shaped face. Woah… my mouth seemed to dry up faster than the Gobi Desert as those whisky coloured eyes stared back at me.

“You’re not…” Her pouty lips pushed out even further as I could see her thought process flit across her face.

“No…” I cleared my throat, taking another drink of my whisky and trying to hide a smirk as I watched her eyes focus on my throat as I swallowed. “I’m not.”

“I…” she stepped back tentatively, wringing her hands in front of her. Those whisky coloured eyes hid from me under thick dark lashes as she mumbled to herself before straightening her back and opening them to stare challenging at me. “I need to speak with King Liam… Immediately.”

I sighed gently, placing the whisky glass aside before clasping my hands together and resting them in front of me on the desk. I fucking told Liam this would happen. My best friend’s words haunted me as I considered how to respond to the tiny dark-haired sprite in front of me. You’ll be fine, Drake… Court isn’t sitting and nothing is happening politically. Just keep people occupied and away from the fact that I’m gone.

“Fucker…” I muttered under my breath.

“Pardon me?” The sprite spoke, my eyes flying back to hers as I realized she had heard my outburst.

“Shit… I’m…” I fumbled over my words, before noticing I’d done it again. “I mean… I didn’t… Aww… damnit.”

I pushed my head back against Liam’s high back chair, my eyes closing as my hands tried to rub the pain from my forehead.

“If I wasn’t sure before…” her voice was light, almost like she was laughing. “I could definitely tell now, that you are most definitely not King Liam.”

I took the chance of glancing up at her to see her eyes sparkling with mischief, her teeth biting into her bottom lip gently. Hadn’t we already had this conversation?

I pushed the chair back gently before moving towards the tiny creature in front of the desk.

“Look, Miss...?” I prompted, having no clue who this girl was.

“Valantez,” her grin grew as she extended her hand for me to shake. “Cynthia Valantez.”

“Miss Valantez,” I nodded shaking her hand, marvelling at how small and soft it was. How could someone this tiny have such a demanding presence? “If you could leave your proposal for additional funding with me I’d be happy to discuss it with King Liam and get back to you with a decision.”

The sharp whisky eyes widened at my request; those teeth finding the plush lower lip again. Fuck... I bet that lip is softer than her hands. Get a grip, you idiot! I forced my thoughts away from the woman in front of me and that lip as red as a Cordonian Ruby.

“I’d much rather discuss the proposal with King Liam in person,” she nodded, almost as if she was convincing herself on her argument.

“Well...” I sighed, moving back to the other side of the desk. “Unfortunately, King Liam is booked solid for the foreseeable future. He is planning his wedding while running a country.”

My grin didn’t quite reach my eyes as my mind moved to the pretty woman with chestnut curls and crystal blue eyes that my best friend was about to call his wife.

“Well...” she shifted awkwardly on her feet. “I don’t have my proposal with me currently... perhaps we could schedule a follow-up meeting?”

I turned to the laptop I had perched on the corner of Liam’s desk, clicking into my calendar app and saw that dinner time tomorrow was my only free slot for the rest of the week. My sigh was heavy as I turned back to the pretty woman in front of me.

“It seems that the only time I have available will be at 6pm tomorrow.”

Her pouty lips formed a shocked “o” shape as her whisky eyes widened at the short turn around time.

“I see...” her mouth twisted and her button nose scrunched as she considered the meeting offer.

“Drake!!” A new voice called out as the heavy door to the study swung open. “Drake, I finally got a hold of Ri-“

Maxwell careened into the study stopping mid-step in front of the tiny woman.

“Oh... I’m sorry...” his lips twitched into a large grin as he glanced between Cynthia and I. “I didn’t realize you had company...”

“Maxwell...” I groaned, rubbing my forehead as the pounding in my head returned. “It’s not company... Miss Valantez is here to meet with Liam.”

“Ooooohhhh...” Maxwell winked. “And with Li-“

His hand clamped over his mouth as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I mean with Liam so busy right now... you’re meeting with her?”

“Yes, Maxwell,” I sighed as he bowed deeply in front of her.

“Please forgive my interruption, Miss Valantez,” his eyes twinkling as he took her hand and kissed the back of it. I had to suppress a growl as her cheeks pinked lightly at his actions. Where the fuck did that come from?

“No forgiveness is necessary, Mr Beaumont,” she simpered as he finally stood in front of her. “To answer your question, Mr Walker, tomorrow at 6pm would work well. Will this meeting be conducted over dinner or should I eat before I get here?”

Maxwell’s eyes shifted to me, that damned grin growing on his face.

“I will have the kitchen prepare something for us,” I nodded thoughtfully, standing and walking around the desk once more.

“Anything but red meat,” she smiled prettily, holding her hand out once more to me. My large hand engulfed hers. I could feel my cheeks heat at the thought of my rough, calloused fingers brushing her soft skin. “I will see you tomorrow.”

Those whisky eyes smiled at me as the tiny beautiful woman turned on her heel and quickly left the study.

“Well well well...” Maxwell grinned as he sat in the chair in front of Liam’s desk. “This is interesting...”

“Fuck off, Beaumont...” I muttered, sitting back behind the desk and pulling the next pile of paper towards me. “I’ve got shit to do.”

[is6621]

How Duolingo is disrupting the language learning market By: Leo Shi

I’ve always been intrigued by the language learning market because for me, I’ve only experienced learning languages very organically. In addition to my native language of English, I am also fluent in Mandarin Chinese and conversational in French. For Chinese, I grew up speaking it with my family, and besides toiling away in highschool French for three years, most, if not all of my French came from the 5 months I spent studying abroad in Paris. For me, it doesn’t seem conceivable to truly learn a language any other way besides being fully immersed in it on a day-to-day basis, which is why I find Duolingo so fascinating. Launched back in 2011, Duolingo has redefined the language learning market and is continuously pushing the envelope. Founded by Carnegie Mellon professor Luis von Ahn and his graduate student at the time, Severin Hacker, they had a vision for Duolingo to provide free, accessible education to millions worldwide. Growing up in Guatemala, von Ahn took note of how expensive it was for people to learn English, and he set out to change that with Duolingo. While Duolingo is still free to this day, it does now employ ads on both its Android and iPhone apps. For the first few years of its existence however, Duolingo actually didn’t even need ads thanks to its very clever business model of crowdsourcing where organizations such as CNN and Buzzfeed would pay Duolingo to translate their content.

While there are tons of language learning apps on the market, ranging from Memrise to Rosetta Stone, Duolingo has consistently been able to separate itself from the pack. This is because Duolingo doesn’t conform to traditional language learning methods. A big thing that Duolingo harps on is how you can learn a brand new language just by spending 5 minutes on the app everyday completing exercises. Of course, if you’d like to make it more of a priority, Duolingo allows that too, as it is completely tailored to a user’s level of proficiency and how much effort he/she wants to exert on a daily basis. Instead of approaching learning a new language as this arduous process, Duolingo markets it as something you can do on the side for fun. While it still does take countless hours to even begin sounding conversational in a new language, it doesn’t come across that way to a user who’s preoccupied by Duolingo’s interactive interface and lessons. Which brings us to user retention, probably the most important aspect for language learning apps such as Duolingo. The thought of learning a new language is often exciting so getting users to download these apps isn’t the problem, but once reality sets in and users start realizing that learning Spanish or Japanese or French wasn’t as easy as they thought it would be, they quit. Amongst the language learning market, Duolingo has been able to distinguish itself in this regard as over 30% of people who sign up to Duolingo become long-term active users. While this figure may not sound incredibly impressive, it’s important to keep in perspective that user retention is intrinsically low for the language learning market. For example, another big player in the language learning market is busuu, who only boasts a 5% rate for users who go onto become long-term active users. 

Duolingo is constantly using its data to improve the metrics and restructure the learning experience for all users. Not only are Duolingo courses heavily backed by research, but they’re almost always themed as well which helps to really engage the user. They also emphasize practicality. Unlike traditional language learning contexts where students are thrown nouns, adjectives, and verbs separately, Duolingo combines these in their lesson plans and introduces new grammatical concepts gradually so users don’t feel overwhelmed and are able to form natural, coherent phrases starting from the very beginning, instilling them with a sense of confidence to continue on. Also, anyone who’s used Duolingo extensively before can attest to how invested Duolingo keeps you with their daily streak notifications. Some days you may be busier than others, but you’ll always be willing to log onto Duolingo for a couple minutes just to keep your streak alive, which really, at the crux of it, is what learning new languages is all about, consistent practice and repetition. Even though I’ve only been back from study abroad for a few months, I already feel my level of French inevitably dropping off. I’ve incorporated Duolingo into my daily routine to make sure I don’t completely forget all my French and it’s certainly felt more enjoyable than cumbersome (currently on a 42 day streak). Something Duolingo also prides itself on are the metrics it uses to measure a user’s progress. While the lessons themselves certainly are very important and need to be developed accordingly, Duolingo invests just as much resources into measuring user’s progress as that’s what keeps them coming back to the app. Learning a new language can be overwhelming so when Duolingo says, “You are 27% fluent in French!” it’s encouraging as they are somehow able to quantify your progress. 

However, developing these metrics are no small feat. In fact, Duolingo integrates AI and machine learning within their software for this exact purpose and is hoping to leverage machine learning capabilities in other pursuits as well, such as entering the language assessment market. The Test of English as Foreign Language exam (TOEFL) represents a traditional barrier for university-entry to international students worldwide, and Duolingo is hoping to disrupt that market by using their deep-learning models and AI infrastructure to produce other language proficiency tests. Duolingo’s founder Luis von Ahn has already stated that this integration of AI/machine learning is a huge priority for them right now as they hope to continue leveraging these capabilities to effectively scale their high-quality education in the future, not just limited to an app on a digital level, but across other platforms as well.

https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-duolingo-uses-ai-to-disrupt-the-language-learning-market/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/avaseave/2016/09/23/in-the-battle-of-online-language-learning-programs-who-is-winning/#1fa489b2578b

https://www.businessinsider.com/duolingo-review-guide-learning-language-2018-1#my-level-of-study-is-currently-set-to-serious-3

https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nation/duolingo-app-review-foreign-language

[likethetailofacomet]

Ease and Erase

For some reason I am writing this series in reverse?

Jax x Shiloh, Adrian x Shiloh (platonic) 

warning: mentions miscarriage and fertility issues 

tagging the same list from the last Blood Bound entry. Let me know if you would like to be added or removed :  @ooo-barff-ooo @zaffrenotes@sleepwalkingelite@brightpinkpeppercorn @endlessly-searching-for-you @nekkidmolerat @notoriouscs @cordoniantrash@endlesshero1122 @mind-reader1@indiacater@moneyfordiamonds @simmerbychoices 

Shiloh squeezed her eyes shut against the pain. She’d just woken up, the last rays of daylight mixing with the purple blue of dusk, and already the flare ups were enough to make her breath shudder and tears prick her tightly shut eyes. The dreams of course hadn’t helped either. She brought her fist to her mouth to stifle a small gasp, and turned away from Jax so as not to wake him. Her other arm rested against her sore abdomen, palm flat against it.

Her dreams hadn’t really been dreams but flashbacks, vivid ones, of her relationship with Andrew; of its dissolution. Snippets of real life dialogue, color images of people and places.

“Marry Me, Shi,” he dropped to his knee pulling the ring box he’d been carrying for months and months from his pocket. He’d been waiting for the right moment, and finding out that he was about to be a father seemed perfect.

“Shiloh,” he asked quietly but seriously, two months later, “did you know about this?” The doctor had just left the room and she and Andrew were left looking at the bloodwork results. “I only knew it might be hard to get pregnant…but then…then we did, so…”

“We’re going to have to be very careful, Miss Andersen,” the doctor said at her five month checkup, Andrew’s hand tightly holding hers, a look of concern on his face. “You had quite a bit of bleeding, more than the average spotting, and due to your condition you’ll be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy.” They’d given her a list of instructions and some recommendations of what to read but she’d just been staring at a poster on the wall of a new mother holding her baby, and she felt a disconnect- that could never be me, could it?

Crying and crying without knowing why, pain and depression and just this overwhelming feeling of emptiness that she knew couldn’t be right. “Come on, Shi, stop crying it’s fine.” He was getting agitated with this, with her.

Waking up to a sickening smell and a sticky warmth. Red. So much red. On the sheets and her legs and even when she shut her eyes.

“I’m sorry Miss Andersen, Mr. Reed, there’s been a miscarriage…”  She stared at the poster in the room, tears falling freely as she heard the news that she knew would change everything.

“Andrew… you…you can’t mean that…” she pleaded with him as he avoided her eyes, moving away as she reached for his hand. It was three weeks later and he hadn’t touched her, hadn’t even kissed her. He couldn’t look at her. In his mind she tricked him- knew that she was damaged, knew that he wanted children more than anything, and didn’t tell him how unlikely it would be. She’d dragged him through this loss and now he just couldn’t go through with it. “I’m sorry Shiloh, I am. But I can’t do this…I can’t marry you…”

He opened her eyes and sighed into her pillow, the dull pain in her lower abdomen settling in for the day. She took a deep breath and sat up slowly, nausea rising and head feeling foggy. It was nothing new, but she hadn’t had a flare up like this in quite a long time. In the three years she’d been with Jax there’d only been one or two that were at this magnitude, and they were early in their relationship. She’d convinced him that they were bouts of the stomach flu, or food poisoning- sharing that you had medical problems that could potentially become serious was not her idea of romance. But this was the first time in over a year and a half, and so Shiloh had started to hope that perhaps the issue was passing, that it wouldn’t even be an issue anymore.  She had clearly been wrong.

She swung her feet out of bed and let them take her to the shower, hoping the hot water and steam would erase the dreams and ease the ache. She peeled her clothes off and stepped under the rainfall showerhead, sighing as she ran her hands through her hair. The water was scalding but she didn’t care. If her skin burned she wouldn’t feel the pain she was in. Suddenly the door to the shower opened and Jax popped his head in, hair messy and eyes still full of sleep. “Good morning, babe,” he joked- it was roughly 7:30 pm- morning when you were a creature of the night or worked for them, like Shiloh did. He let himself into the shower and she moved aside to make room as his arms came around the wet skin of her waist. He kissed the back of her neck gently and she leaned into his body.

“Good morning,” she said softly before turning to kiss him. She brought her hands up to massage through his hair and he closed his eyes with a satisfied smile.

They finished their shower and got themselves dressed and ready, Shiloh fastening her earrings, Jax lacing up his boots. He turned to look at her, taking her in for a few seconds before speaking. “Hey, babe,” he waited for her to turn toward him, one hand still working the clasp of her earring, a tired look on her face. He finished his laces and rose to his feet, crossing the room to brush the hair away from her ear. His fingers took over for hers and he fastened the small diamond studs that he’d given her for Christmas the year before. “Is everything okay? You just seem…” he trailed off, brows furrowed, and she could tell that he knew something was up. She laid a peck to his lips then wiped her thumb across them to remove the burgundy lipstick she’d left there.

“I’ll be okay, baby, just feeling a little nauseous. I’m gonna go to work, and if I have to leave early because I don’t feel well, I will, okay? It’s just been a really busy time for us and I know there’s tons of work to do. ” She gave him a weak smile.

Jax hated when she was sick or in pain. He hated that he couldn’t take it from her. He’d swallow anything that ever hurt her if he could. He hated even more being away from her when he knew she wasn’t feeling well, preferring to take care of her. His only comfort was that she worked for Adrian, and he trusted him more than anyone but Shiloh. He knew Adrian would take care of her if she needed anything. “Okay, Shi, but if you need to leave, call me and I’ll come walk you home, alright?”

She felt a burn in her chest and she wanted to reassure him that she’d be fine, that there was nothing to worry about, but another wave of pain barreled into her body and she couldn’t lie to him. She inhaled almost imperceptibly through her nose, but she knew Jax’s sharp awareness wouldn’t miss it. She was really just trying to control her voice as she said, “I know, Mr. Councilman,” she squeezed his hand. “I know you will.”

They left the apartment and walked down to the street level together before he took both of her hands in his and pulled her arms out to his sides, taking a step towards her until her body was pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips into her curls, blowing gently in the fall night air. “Have a great day, lovely,” he said, “feel good and take care of yourself.” He kissed her behind the ear and came out from behind her hair with a smile on his face and love in his eyes. “I love you Shi, with all of me.”

“I love you too, Jax, with all of me,” she responded, and with a quick but sweet kiss, they parted ways.

It was a busy night at Raines Corp. Adrian had been working on some extremely large deals with some new humanitarian organization, and they were only about a week or two from finalizing everything. Both of their desks were covered in documents and folders, other employees buzzing about the outer office. Shiloh’s head pounded and the dull ache had become a sharp, stabbing pain. She’d tried to stick it out as long as she could, but it was only 10 pm and they had another 4 or 5 hours to go before the work day was through, and she was starting to think she should have stayed home after all… or maybe even gone to the hospital… she thought. Adrian had noticed that she didn’t seem well, commenting on how pale she looked when she came in, how she looked exhausted despite having just woken up not long before. She tried to swallow down her nausea to make it through the next few hours, but her body rebelled and she rose to her feet, needing to get to the restroom to be sick.

The sudden motion of standing sent her into a fit of vertigo, her vision going black from the corners of her eyes inward. “Adrian…” she barely whimpered his name, speaking suddenly proving difficult as she felt the blood rush from her limbs to her core. Her vision completely black now, and heart pounding unevenly, she tried to take a step towards where she knew he was, and the world moved beneath her. She felt herself losing consciousness and felt the air blow past her ears as she went down.

Adrian was on his feet in nothing flat, and across the office in time to catch her before she hit the floor. “Shiloh!” he yelped, concern and panic in his normally calm voice. His strong arms scooped her up and he set her down on the chaise lounge in the corner before shouting to one of his assistants to call an ambulance. He turned back to her as her eyes fluttered open, his hand flying to her face to lay against her cheek. “Oh, thank God,” he muttered, feeling her clammy skin. She felt hot all over, but shivered as she came to, trying to sit up. His strong hand on her shoulder kept her in place, and the look of worry in his eyes told her that she wasn’t going to win this battle. “Hey, no, no you’re not going anywhere,” he said in a soothing voice, and she let herself be pushed back into the cushions.

“I’m sorry, A, I think I just need to go home, can you call Jax?” Her voice sounded strange to her, small and woozy.  Her head swam but her vision was slowly coming back, from the inside out, opposite of how it had faded.

Adrian looked at her with a frown and she knew she hadn’t fooled him. “I’ll call Jax but there’s an ambulance on the way, you need to see a doctor, Shiloh.” He was clearly afraid for her, his hand still on her shoulder as he sat on the edge of the chaise with her. “You haven’t been well for a while, have you?”

Tears came to her eyes and she started to say something but again, trying to speak felt like she had a mouth full or rocks, and even though she was already laying still, she felt her vision going dark again. Adrian’s voice was the last thing she heard, sounding like he was standing in a tunnel, as it all faded out completely.

She woke up in a white room, extremely bright and piercing lights overhead making her shut her eyes immediately. She was distantly aware of an I.V. drip attached to her left hand, and felt the cool, smooth skin of Jax’s hand closed around her right one. He squeezed her hand comfortingly, a massive sigh of relief coming from him as she gently squeezed back and opened her eyes narrowly against the light. “Hey, baby,” she said softly, unable to keep the tears from her eyes. He reached over the bed and wiped the moisture from her cheeks with his thumb.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, his voice cracking despite how hard she knew he was trying to keep a straight face and an even tone. “How are you feeling?”

“Embarrassed, mostly,” she said, trying to offer a weak smile which only brought more tears to her eyes, to her dismay. “And a little scared,” she added quietly.

He smoothed her hair gently, avoiding the oxygen tube she now realized she was wearing. “I bet,” he said, wishing he’d been more insistent that she stay home, that she went to see a doctor. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Shi, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner.” He kissed her hand. “I’m just glad Adrian was there and that he called the ambulance for you...”

“Me too,” she said, barely audible. “Is he here?”

“He’s outside, wouldn’t leave until he knew you were awake. He’s a great friend.” It was the understatement of the century. Adrian had already done so much for her, had saved her best friend’s life, had saved Jax’s and all of the clanless’ lives as well. He’d given her a job and a family with Raines Corp. and he’d taken to her like a brother.

Shiloh nodded slowly, testing the motion. It only made her slightly dizzy, but her vision remained; the I.V. was working. “Yes, he is…” she hesitated and he continued to stroke her hair, waiting for her to continue. “Jax, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you this morning, I was just…” she swallowed, “I was scared. I…you were right this morning... I have been off. I…” he noticed her fingers shaking in his and raised them to his lips, his dark eyes never leaving hers.

“I know, babe, it’s okay. It’s all okay. They did some bloodwork and set you up with a follow up appointment for two weeks with a specialist. We’re gonna find out what’s wrong, okay? And I’m going to be here for you no matter what it is, so is Adrian. You’re not alone, Shi, you don’t have to keep going through everything alone.”

“Thank you, Jax,” she said, tears filling her tired eyes again. She noticed sunlight creeping in through the blinds and panicked. “We should get home…”

He followed her eyes to the window and knew that she was worrying about him going out in the sunlight, like she wasn’t the one currently connected to tubes and laying in a hospital bed. This woman and her capacity to put others before herself…it was both a blessing and a curse. “Don’t worry,” he assured her, “Adrian’s taking us back in his car.” She nodded slowly again, knowing that his car was equipped with heavily tinted windows.

“When can I leave?” she asked.

“The doctor said whenever you wake up…they just need to clear you. Should I go get her?”

“Please,” she responded. “I want to go home…I want to go home with you.” She closed her eyes and he let go of her hand gently.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” he left the room and she took the hand he’d been holding and pressed it to her abdomen. I guess it didn’t pass…I guess it’s here to stay… she thought, remembering how she had fooled herself into thinking that if she ignored her condition it might go away. An appointment with a specialist… She felt her chest tighten as she started to wrap her mind around all the things she knew…and all the things she didn’t know…and what it probably meant. She let out a long, shuddering sigh and stared at the ceiling until the patterns there swirled before her eyes.

Jax had come back as promised with the doctor in tow, and before long they were home. He’d taken her straight to bed and settled in beside her, pulling her onto his chest. “Shiloh,” he whispered after some time. He felt her hum a response against the fabric of his shirt. “I was so scared of losing you today…”

She answered without thinking. “You know what you could do…”

He tightened his hold on her. “Yeah…yeah, I know…but I can’t do that, babe…” and the way he said ‘can’t’ simply broke her heart. She wouldn’t ask again, not unless it was dire. Right now she just wanted to feel him close to her, to feel him there with her, knowing that he’d be there when she needed him. She just wanted to let him ease her fears and erase her pain, and that he could do simply by opening his arms.