#of course its my favorite book
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When I was a kid, I opened Moby Dick for the first time, to the very page in which a de facto marriage ceremony was occurring between two men
#queeshmael#I was delighted. I told everyone I knew with seriously mixed reviews#of course its my favorite book#moby dick
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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JSTOR Wrapped: top ten JSTOR articles of 2023
Coo, Lyndsay. “A Tale of Two Sisters: Studies in Sophocles’ Tereus.” Transactions of the American Philological Association 143, no. 2 (2013): 349–84.
Finglass, P. J. “A New Fragment of Sophocles’ ‘Tereus.’” Zeitschrift Für Papyrologie Und Epigraphik 200 (2016): 61–85.
Foxhall, Lin. “Pandora Unbound: A Feminist Critique of Foucault’s History of Sexuality.” In Sex and Difference in Ancient Greece and Rome, edited by Mark Golden and Peter Toohey, 167–82. Edinburgh University Press, 2003.
Garrison, Elise P. “Eurydice’s Final Exit to Suicide in the ‘Antigone.’” The Classical World 82, no. 6 (1989): 431–35.
Grethlein, Jonas. “Eine Anthropologie Des Essens: Der Essensstreit in Der ‘Ilias’ Und Die Erntemetapher in Il. 19, 221-224.” Hermes 133, no. 3 (2005): 257–79.
McClure, Laura. “Tokens of Identity: Gender and Recognition in Greek Tragedy.” Illinois Classical Studies 40, no. 2 (2015): 219–36.
Purves, Alex C. “Wind and Time in Homeric Epic.” Transactions of the American Philological Association 140, no. 2 (2010): 323–50.
Richlin, Amy. “Gender and Rhetoric: Producing Manhood in the Schools.” In Sex and Difference in Ancient Greece and Rome, edited by Mark Golden and Peter Toohey, 202–20. Edinburgh University Press, 2003.
Rood, Naomi. “Four Silences in Sophocles’ ‘Trachiniae.’” Arethusa 43, no. 3 (2010): 345–64.
Zeitlin, Froma I. “The Dynamics of Misogyny: Myth and Mythmaking in the Oresteia.” Arethusa 11, no. 1/2 (1978): 149–84.
#alphabetical order. im not ranking them#i still have two more froma zeitlin essays to read (one new and one a reread) in the next few days though#and its possible one of those might knock amy richlin off the rest (nothing personal; its a great piece just not my area)#but if im willing to have two things by the same scholar i would have to rethink including grethlein 'the poetics of the bath in the iliad'#some of my favorite articles/book chapters of the year are not on jstor though...#bill beck 'lost in the middle: story time and discourse time in the iliad'!!!#and lyndsay coo has a 2020 chapter updating and expanding this 2013 article that is 🔥🔥🔥#and of course judith mossman 'women's voices in sophocles' which is what send me to garrison 1989 and rood 2010 but is not itself on jstor#i also reread some of melissa mueller's objects as actors book which is wonderful as always#and i would be incredibly tempted to put william m calder iii's tereus article on a top ten list for sheer entertainment value#jstor wrapped#mine
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joe's favorite track on so much (for) stardust is the kintsugi kid (ten years) btw. if you even care.
#fall out boy#joe trohman#*making poasts#context there was a book event in LA yesterday and joe was there for none of this rocks#so some fans got to meet him and i guess ask what his favorite track on the new record is#and well. well i was not emotionally prepared for that answer#i have been a wreck about this since i learned it#of course its the kintsugi kid but also oh my god. ooohhh my god. oh my GOD.
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new wip wednesday
i wanted to get the first chapter of this done as an early bday present to me because ive been talking about this fic for foreverrrrr but its not gonna happen because im bad at measuring time and effort 😮💨 but look! hunger games au fic!
Anakin pushes his face into his neck, letting his lips press against his pulse for a moment.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan murmurs, recognition and warning rolled into one tone.
But Anakin wouldn’t be who he is if he allowed the man in his arms to so easily twist away. He wouldn’t even be here now, pressed up against him with the scent of saltwater and lilacs and leather filling his nose, if he let one warning word distract him from his goal.
So instead he pushes further, wraps his hands around Obi-Wan’s hips and takes the skin beneath his lips between his teeth. The soft fabric of their pants brush together, so loud in the stillness of the kitchen that it’s deafening—that it’s almost loud enough to drown out the catch in Obi-Wan’s breathing.
But Anakin has trained himself over the past five years to listen for all the small ways that Obi-Wan Kenobi capitulates, so he hears his sigh, feels the slump of his shoulders against his own as his head sways forward and then back.
Anakin takes his time worrying a bitemark into his neck, just at the edge of his beard. On the holos that will film Obi-Wan’s face today, it’ll look like a shadow.
But Anakin will know. Obi-Wan will know.
“Anakin,” his lover murmurs, and Anakin’s hand moves from his waist up to stroke down his arm, corded with tense muscle. Fisherman’s muscle. Victor’s muscle too.
Not today, he means. It’s obvious in every line of his body. It’s obvious in the fact that he left the bed so early in the morning when neither of them must work. It’s obvious in the distance in his eyes, the frown across his lips.
Today is not a day where Obi-Wan will accept pleasure from anyone’s lips or hands, undeserving as he feels to be on the receiving end of such a kindness.
Anakin’s left hand falls to cover Obi-Wan’s, tangling their fingers together. His are rougher than Obi-Wan’s, working man’s hands now that he is twenty-one and a man of the sea like most are on Stewjon. The rough drag of his calluses over the hairy knuckles of Obi-Wan’s hand makes Anakin swallow a smile. Victors of the Hunger Games are forbidden from working laborious jobs. They’re meant to languish away in their Coruscanti-funded manors, with idle minds and idle hands, picking at paints or design stencils or any number of different government approved hobbies
Obi-Wan Kenobi is not made to be idle. He has no patience for painting or sewing, for cooking or jewelry design. Luckily for him, Stewjon is the fourth planet from Coruscant, on the edge of the inner rim, and it’s rather small, rather ordinary. In the colder months, during the few months of the star year where the galaxy is not forced to care about the Hunger Games and its Victors, he can slip away to the ocean. Fish and sail like he was born to do, Stewjoni through and through.
But Anakin is out on those choppy seas year-round now that he’s four years finished with his compulsory education. His hands are rougher than Obi-Wan’s and they always will be.
Anakin likes it. Likes the way Obi-Wan’s softness contrasts against his own rougher places. Likes that he can sneak away from Obi-Wan’s manor in the blue of the pre-dawn light, first to the sea and then to the market, and Obi-Wan will be there when he gets back. Likes that when he leaves, his lover is curled up asleep in their bed. And when he returns with the fattest fish from his haul, Anakin can cook it for him too.
He likes that he is the only thing Obi-Wan needs. He provides. He cooks for him. He feeds him. He touches him with his rough hands, to dirty him and then to clean him up. Everything that Obi-Wan needs, Anakin is the person to give it to him.
He supposes he has Coruscant to thank for that.
He’s not stupid enough to say that—ever, but especially today. Especially on the day of the Reaping.
#wip wednesday#obikin#hunger games au#so like its gonna be set in the gffa slightly#so each district from the book is a either planet or planetary system#and coruscant is of course the capitol#anakin and obi-wan live in district 4 aka stewjon#im having a lot of fun examining their relationship#my bday is on saturday i just think this first chapter is going to be so long#because it covers from them waking up to anakin's reaping#which includes anakin talking in the market with other people on stewjon#because we love an outsiders implied pov on obikin and anakin specifically#and then also obi-wan's own reaping#cause i figure more than one person has won the hunger games in the past 50 years or whatever#so they must do some sort of drawing for the mentor too#its usually obi-wan tho#bad luck or capitol favoritism#or obi-wan volunteering even though he hates it because one of the other victors just had a baby or has small kids#or is too old#or something#anyway this is not a start wednesday done by saturday sorta project lol#im too passionate about these batshit insane characters
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S5 E1 Supernatural
I SWEAR TO GOD! They need to take shots of holy water everytime they see each other! Bring back Cristo, this is ridiculous. But Meg's back! Bobby, sadly got possessed, but he resisted cus they were gonna make him hurt one of his boys 😭😭😭 John could never. This poor Nick dude is going through it, but he is funny. 'Ok Satan 🙄 tell me to quit drinking before bed' 'if it's all the same to you I'd like to wake up now' 'why the hell would I do something like that'. Dean is the vessel for Michael. All but two Angels are massive dicks. But guess who's back to save the boys? Castiel, being a bad ass and....carving things into the boys ribs.
AHHHHH BOBBY REASSURING SAM THAT IT WAS THE DEMON THAT TOLD HIM TO LOSE HIS NUMBER 😭😭😭 CUS BOBBY BELIEVES FAMILY IS FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT AND IT DON'T END IN BLOOD. But Dean doesn't think he can trust Sam anymore cus he took a demon's side over his brothers 😭😭😭
#also megs name isnt meg are we just calling her meg out of simplicity?#also how do they know what demon is what if they get a new vessel and dont introduce themselves. sm walks in a goes MEG#how do you know that Sam? do demons give off a vibe? like `ah yes its meg again i can tell cus of the aura she has`#dean winchester#sam winchester#supernatural s5#batcavescolony watches supernatural#batcavescolony watches#bobby singer#castiel#apparently Dean had a GED which makes sence for him.#Of course the fangirl ships wincest 🤮. if the author of my favorite book series called to tell me the series is real I feel like#I'd have a bit of decorum. Your fanfic history is between you can god#supernatural#i feel for sam he was manipulated by ruby but it must be a kick in the teeth for him to be acting like john especially when he used to be s#against john.#something something hes fathers son even though he tried so hard not to be#speaking of non dick angels.... where is anna?#spn
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I feel like I have been the victim of a monkey's paw. I thought I was pretty clear in my wishes but I guess the paperwork got mixed up.
#yes i am subtweeting the new Dawn if Fire novel#silent king finally gets to be in a book#and its imperium bs#because of course it is#if y'all don't respect my favorite fuck up i will...be angy#maybe write a strongly worded post#you have been warned#i will happily ignore anything i dont like#i have done it before and I will do it again
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i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.
#of course homura doesnt care anymore because she cant go back she can only go forward cuz if she gives up she killed madoka for nothing#she could have left her pass away with dignity but now shes a ghost stuck in a web of time and the only thing she can do is keep trying#to save her#i feel like inately homura knows this but she doesnt want to admit to herself thats shes the real one who killed madoka kaname#this is a very charitable reading of homura#homura died too but its a clear moment because homura is our narrator#homura akemi will never come back madoka kaname will never come back#but life goes on anyway for homura#heres my truth#i loved rebellion but im actually a bigger fan of the original anime's ending so im glad it seems like red ribbon homu is coming back#i thought that ending was a lot more hopeful and beautiful and rebellion was kind of a downer but i always accepted they were parallel#and seems im right based on posters#for walpurgis#madoka uses one of my favorite literary devices which is the underuse of a character#i dont know whats it called but i love it when they dont outright develop a character usually to signal an upholding of the status quo#i already explained how madoka is not shown as a character but they do this in princess tutu too with mytho#mytho is a character from a book hes not real in the way that the others are and therefore cant actually change like the others can#hes always the focus of others and never the one thinking of others#i mean yeah he spends like the whole anime thinking about tutu but thats PART of his book its not him as a person#anyway ive been talking too much but i wanna bring up my favorite subtle use of this in takopi's original sin#the boy#idk his name rn lmao#hes straight up not present for the bulk of the manga and hes legit just absent from the ending scene despite being one point of a triangle#at first that weirded me out like??? he doesnt get closure???#but the reason was he didnt need it#the focus and moral is that those girls were 'weird' unable to be normal (because of trauma) and their closure was theyre at least together#but he doesnt need that because hes already normal hes the status quo a benchmark for the reader for the reader to judge the characters off#and the characters to judge eachother off of#anyway anyway sorry this has been so long#i had to get all of that out of me
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my one (1) big nitpick of the PJO tv show
In a lot of the marketing material, Percy is wearing this green flannel and it seems to be his Primary Outfit.
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WE ALREADY HAVE A BLOND CURLY HAIRED GREEN FLANNEL BOY IN THIS FANDOM!!! Every single time I see fanart I get jumpscared.
#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#percy jackson#rick riordan#will solace#i mean. fanon will solace does usually have darker skin and distinctive freckles#but if you're comparing against the viria official art it is like. pretty shocking#of course. the fandom refuses to acknowledge that wills favorite color is green#but thata a seperate point#<<< never canonically confirmed but source just trust me#(the source is that nearly every time we hear about clothing that will has chosen it is green#even the shirt he buys for apollo in book 5 of ToA is green#and of course this is kind of just a coincidence most likely.#will solace isnt a character he's a piece of cardboard with tropes pasted onto him every couple of books and is structrually ujnsound#i say this as somebody who has will as my favorite pjo character. he's canon ically nothing but everything#so i do think this is just. happenstance#but its also real and true. trust!)
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Again not a dungeon meshi reader/watcher but every time I hear about that laois guy I get reminded of how my system had/has a hyperfixation on dragons so intense that we got that big fancy dragonology book and we treated it like the damn dragon Bible for like years
Now, obviously, we understand that there's different interpretations on mythical creatures, and no one interpretation on a dragon is necessarily gospel, but that multiple interpretations on the classic tale of beasts of scale and fire are completely valid and to be expected!
however if you call an Eastern dragon a coatl I'm going to come to your house and slaughter your family
#THEY'RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT#yes they have similarities but coatls have WINGS typically and dont usually have other limbs. they're more serpentine birds#meanwhile Eastern dragons (Chinese depictions for example) don't typically have wings and are more lizard-like#like Mushu !!!!!!!! Mushu is an Eastern dragon#and then there's drakes and wyrms. which are entirely different bc they can't really fly#drakes are more like draconic horses or dogs. no wings but four limbs and a tail with a reptilian appearance#wyrms are more serpentine with no limbs and no wings. though i think some interpretations of wyrms give them like.. two forelimbs#then there's wyverns. wyverns have two legs and two wings instead of the typical eight limbs (four limbs two wings)#(i also perosnally hold true to the interpretation of wyverns with poisonous stingers for tails but that's just me cause i think its cool)#..... how much of this is just me talking abiut dragons#explodes.#oh yeah and obv there's the HTTYD interpretations which i adore! they're interesting#the designs are so fascinating and from what ive seen seem to have some science behind them#and arent just the typical western style of dragons. which nothing wrong with the western style it's a classic ofc#but it's still fun to see some variation!!#and ofc there's WOF#which holds true to Western dragons in simple anatomy but has its own variations and of course its own lore#then there's. fuck i forget the name but it's a fantasy story based in China i believe#i loved it so much it was so cool#anyways it had a dragon character named Seryu. I love Seryu. he my favorite#anyways i liked the interpretation of dragons there bc iirc it held true to ummmmm some Chinese mythology involving dragons#cause Eastern mythology of drahons is . so much diffetent than Western#Western dragons are commonly very monstrous creatures‚ usually very animalistic#they tend to embody the Christian concept of greed/gluttony hence why they're so typically monstrous/villainous#which i find interesting but i wont get into that#meanwhile. i wanna say Eastern dragon legends more revolve around the idea of a dragon as more of a godly/fae-type creature?#that's probably a poor comparison but that's how i interpreted it. agian im probahly wronf about all of this#im some weirdo rambling about dragons on the internet. dont trust me explicitly#i need to get more dragon mythology books#HELP I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I DIDNT THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE GOOD LORD OKAY I'LL SHUT UP NOW
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#New Beast#writing#poetry#2024#December 2024#December 15 2024#one of my favorite lines of literature is the last line of Portrait of The Artist#its “Old artificer old father stand me now and ever in good stead.” (the orginal has commas but you cant do that in tumblr tags…)#the line gives a satisfying conclusion to the books Icarus metaphor#and acts as a good segway into the uncertainty of Stephen’s life after he finishes school and leaves Ireland and the church#everything about it is brilliant down to the exact phrasing#first Stephen addresses who he is talking to as “old artificer” and thus we instantly know he is talking to Daedalus#then he acknowledges his relation to Daedalus when he calls him father — which would make Stephen Icarus#the fact that father is second to artificer portrays a favoring in one of Daedalus’ titeles over the other#and a reluctance to acknowledge Stephen’s place in the story as Icarus#after all this line is him asking that he does not fail in his attempt to be an artist and discover the purest mode of life#this line jerks identity around a bit and implies identity by context but not very directly#we only know the artificer to be Daedalus of course due to Stephen’s last name and the book’s subconscious Icarus metaphor#it isn’t directly stated who’s who and why. you just have to put it together yourself#I wanted to do that here#there’s this thing at the end where it calls the reader Daedalus then the minotaur right after talking about the monster in the labyrinth#the assumption is that the monster is the minotaur#but now its been established that the reader could be either and that it doesn’t seem to matter which name they answer to#now who the monster is is less clear#and given the talk of mirrors earlier it could be a reflection#all sense of identity and place in the story has been lost#I could go on but I don’t want to explain TOO much#anyways hope I succeeded in doing what I wanted with this one#which this one is mainly about how I realized recently that I am not exactly who I thought I would be at the start of high school#not really in a bad way or anything more like I looked at who I was and who had thought I’d be one day and was like “huh! neat”
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Wow, 8+ messages in the past 12 hours; is this what it feels to have fans?
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#*regina george voice* why are you so obsessed with me?#checking hourly my blog for everything i post?? neat#in all seriousness this is actually harrasment#its kinda funny seeing someone losing their minds over me celebrating my favorite actors#but the insults are not fun buddy#and doing it on anon of course because you know you're being a homophobe and a coward#why dont you tell everyone loud and clear what you think about an actor none of us know to judge?#flashnews sweetie just because you insult him that doesnt make you a hero/not a racist#it just makes you hateful and nasty and nobody wants you here#okay so im blocking you now and stopping this bc i thought you would but you clearly can't stop being insane#and i came here to celebrate my favorite book/movie and up until now everyone has been wonderful in this fandom#so im keeping it that way#hope you find some general love in you heart#it must be awful to live with the ugly feelings you keep spewing in my inbox..#stuff
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ah yes, the infamous Fears of tma: lost, bugs, music, death, burn, dark, books, alone, hunt, spiders, balance, and rot
#my post#yknow i was on the right track#lost was really the vast in most cases#sometimes the spiral#bugs and rot were corruption#i did pick up on that spiders were seperate from the rest of the bugs. hashtag web moment#i literally got the dark and the hunt#death burn and alone are SO CLOSE i just needed to use synonyms#music was usually tied to the slaughter but i really did think it was its own power </3 same w the books at first#and of course my favorite. balance. but she only came up once#she seems to be doing a lot in t.m.a.g.p. tho!! lets gooooo balance comeback!!!!
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I will confess that I have no more sense of what goes on in the mind of mankind than I have for the mind of an ant. Come to think of it, this might be a good place to start.
Lewis Thomas, The Lives of a Cell, Notes of a Biology Watcher
#lewis thomas#the lives of a cell#words#quotes#daily quotes#quote#quotations#science writing#science quotes#novels#novel writing#biology writing#biology#science#book quotes#book quotations#yes of course i posted this its almost an exact paraphrase of my favorite carl sagan quote#sorry for being gone so long!#I swear I'vee been reading a lot while I was gone though#so hopefully I'll have more to post now!
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I love your Derkholm artwork!!
Thank you anon!!! It's my absolute favorite DWJ series (which is saying something when it's up against hmc and chrestomanci lol), so I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who adores Derkholm!
#anyone everyone pls feel free to send me more dwj asks i am begging#tell me ur favorite parts!! ask me my favorite parts and why its that scene of elda on the rooftop#diana wynne jones#how derk's family is all ride-or-die with each other but the same time you can tell!! they're siblings jdjkfhadfhds#fun fact year of the griffin is my FAVORITE BOOK of all time#got to read it before entering college and hoo boy it was like the best crash course#also nowadays whenever I visit a college campus I'm always mentally photoshopping the place into a fantasy version of the wizards college#and just thinking to myself: where would the griffins land lol#disfusadf so many thoughts about derkholm and its cast and all its crossover potential and its etcetc ouugh#dark lord of derkholm#derkholm series
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I MISS MY COPY OF JOURNAL 3 SO BAD AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#not a reblog#long rant ahead in the tags#PAIN AND SUFFERING#I WISH SO BADLY I THOUGHT TO BRING IT WITH ME IM SO UPSET ABOUT THIS#:((((((((((((((((((((#i miss it so much man this sucks#and getting another version just isnt the same#i want MY copy :(#im trying to stop thinking about it but i cant even watch the show without desperately wishing i had it every time its shown on screen#i want it back so fucking bad#i dont even miss my other books this bad#i still miss them all#of course i do#but. fuck man#i spent years of my childhood building up my little library and now its all gone except for two books i genuinely dont give a single fuck-#-about and didnt even fully enjoy reading in the first place#man. i miss it all so much#i wish so badly i at least brought my actual favorite books with me and not two that i dont even consider worth rereading#i miss my books so much it hurts i hate this so much#cant watch the show in peace without desperate longing sucker-punching me in the gut this is so fucking stupid#i hate everything so much#conplaining <3#now all i have are bookshelves filled with school books and past papers and none of the novels i adored when i was younger#i recently met up with an old friend of mine and she told me she still thinks about me every time she read which is. the sweetest thing eve#and i had to tell her i havent touched a story book in like. a year.#i miss reading but my grief over my books is too strong#and i just dont really have the capacity or desire to read anything other than fanfics anymore#i miss journal 3. but i dont really WANT to replace it with a new one bc its not MY copy#i know its dumb and the new one would be the same thing but. it really wouldnt be the same#i miss my copy of it
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