#of course if you liked the book thats absolutely valid but

[vitaminctablet]

"ooooo the great gatsby musical is a de-saturated disney-ified version of the book!!!! its such a bad adaptation and completely misses the point!!!!"

oh yeah?!?!?!(!?! the book SUCKED anyway. critique of 1920s moral decay my ASS. fitzgerald did NOT cook.

[yonpote]

another thing is like... under capitalism, business success and wealth begin to alienate you from others who don't have that. and that alienation can feed into greed, like why not keep investing and making business deals and buying expensive stuff? and no one around is really going to call you out because they are either capitalist hacks or maybe people who once struggled who now rely on you.

so like, I don't inherently expect much from creators like dnp who come into money. even though they probably have more financial freedom than many other creators because of all the tours, books, games, etc (because they are good at business!)

so like, as their fans who ultimately are their consumers, I think it's good to call them out, especially because they have shown before that they have good intentions.

am I expecting much from them? no. wealth can be corrupting and speaking out comes with risk to business/career interests. but they have a special relationship with their audience, as we're mostly all fellow queer and neurodivergent people with similar interests. so we can provide feedback and be the ones to try to ground them and be like "hey that wasn't cool please do better." stopping engagement with them and their content entirely doesn't really do anything to help, unless they did something they needed to absolutely be deplatformed for. stopping engagement is a valid personal choice, but when I see stuff that begins to resemble like 'they aren't being activists right now time for everyone to unstan' I'm like... if that makes you feel better, fine, but I would rather parasocially / affectionately be like "hey I expect more from you!" in a way that is constructive. which is something I would want to do with my friends, but the difference is, if my friends didn't change or try to then I probably would distance myself from them. Whereas Dan and Phil are entertainers we don't now irl, we have a different relationship with them. but compared to many other creators, they really do tend to be more sensitive to their audience (which has helped their success).

but so this time the (mostly leftist) phannies calling them out actually got them to do a fundraiser so that's cool! even if it's because of the backlash like, that's what the point of backlash is! we should want people to change behavior. not to just abstractly punish them, for something they could be unlikely to do without pressure. though hopefully it will lead to less instances of having to pressure them.

idk this brings up interesting stuff about parasocial relationships, the transactions between creators and their audience, and capitalism. so of course I had to rant about it for a sec lol.

thats completely true! thank u for the rant lol but yeah i dont want to come across as being like, NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FAV CREATORS it was more like, with dnp specifically we know where their heart is i guess so it can be unnecessary to call for whatever. BUT you're absolutely right in that they probably wouldn't have done a charity stream were it not for pressure from fans. and maybe this is ME being parasocial but i'd like to think that this isn't for damage control or performativism (i mean it is a LITTLE cuz any publicity is a little bit abt looking good) but rather like, putting their money where their mouth is basically! and showing to their core audience like hey we care about this thing too and we fully hear you.

i was thinking about this General concept wrt dnp because i think there have been other moments where dnp were called out about something or criticized for like their more offensive humor and they stopped doing that and educated themselves which is better than most creators who put up fakeass apology videos. ive seen a lot of ppl say they want dan to talk about and apologize for his racist and sexist humor (and honestly only asking dan but not bringing up that phil also had his share of racist jokes) but it's like. at this point what further could he say? he's not a 21 year old shit head anymore (and yeah good for you for being a socially aware 21 y/o in 2024 but that offensive humor literally was just the culture of that time period) and they both have SHOWN that they have grown and even talked about it in like the pinof react video where they talked about "yeah we bullied kristen stewart a lot cuz it was just popular to make fun of her and justin bieber and that really sucks that we did that" like they have changed and shown change! they do not need to make a grand apology statement cuz like if you wanna talk performativism then lets talk about the fakeness of basically every apology video on the internet????

sorry thats unrelated to what u were talking abt but it just made me start thinking BUT YEAH THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOT TAKES!!!!

[rise-my-angel]

Because I love salt, what do you find to be the most annoying lines of so-called evidence or foreshadowing for ships you hate? For me it’s hard to pick just one but Jon saying Sansa looked radiant is up there for me because the idea that Jon had a crush on Sansa in the first book or before is so much worse than the thought of them meeting again and then developing feelings (which I still hate, but it’s just not as bad). It’s super normal for people to think their siblings look nice. Arya’s POV chapters also remark that Sansa is beautiful. Ashford theory is annoying because it was originally about the hound and Sansa (also hate this ship but the fans are a million times more tolerable). I also roll my eyes when fans insist that the bride of fire line foreshadows Dany marrying Jon (and I even LIKE that ship but only in an AU in my head where Lyanna is Jon’s mom but Rhaegar is NOT the father)

"Because I love salt"

You have come to the right place as this is an accurate real life photo of me running this blog:

Thats a good one I hate though, multiple siblings and family members in this series all compliment one another. Even characters with bad relationships compliment each other. In the books, Arya recalls that her father calls her pretty, which only Jon ever also called her. Does that mean Ned had romantic feelings for Arya? Or Lyanna for that matter? No of course not. Thinking someone in terms of beauty is zero indicator of attraction in any way.

Also its even funnier with Jonsas because Sansa herself notes that Arya looks just like Jon, and then on multiple occasions notes that she thinks Arya is ugly. So, its even less compelling.

In the show Tyrion compliments Cersei's beauty all the time and we know there is nothing to it. It's reading into something that isn't there beacuse if they ignore the way beauty is used in this series as a common compliment towards other highborns, then its a really simple box to check on really stock symptoms of attraction. (I also dont really enjoy Sansan but it is funny how they just stay in their circle and mind their business like they somehow are winning based on being not fucking annoying alone).

I'm gonna rapid fire for Jon here because pretty much every single ship he has is backed by the worst evidence known to man.

The idea that Jon never thinks about Sansa because he loves her the most is dumb and not how we know Jon works. He holds back what he says not what he thinks. He thinks of Sansa the least because despite being his sister, she treated him like shit because she looks down on him for being a bastard. Jon cares about her, but not anywhere near how he cares about his other siblings who have clearly shown him love and respect.

The worst of Jon and Arya is a very very old outline that grrm scrapped. Its an outline that wasnt used and most of it isnt canon so it is literally a piece of non evidence for a ship that is disgusting. (Both Jonsa and Jonrya make Jons good older brother behavior towards his sisters look predatory and the shippers are all literally too blind to realize it)

Jon and Dany have literally nothing to back that up, because they are staged as moral oppositions to one another, dont know the other exists, and the idea that the motif of ice and fire will be about the coming together of romance is antithetical to everything grrm has established about the themes of his story. They are so far from being a ship that literally the ONLY thing they have to support it is the show and thats an absolute joke (see my every post that got me blocked by jonerys stans for more detail)

Ygritte is a rapist, so I accept literally zero "evidence" on that ones validity.

I also hate the "the actors have chemistry" argument to support really bad ships, because some actors having chemistry doesnt equal good romance, it equals good on screen dynamics in its own unique way. Like Tywin and Arya in season 2 have GREAT chemistry, but I don't need to explain why shipping that is creepy. Catelyn and Jaime have great chemistry, but it doesn't mean anything was actually there which could've worked.

Like shipping is fine, but so many people just INSIST it is canon or meant to be instead of something fun to think about. I joke ship about Stannis and Davos because its fun but I'm not over here arguing that people who don't ship it are "ignoring the text in front of them deliberately".

Also honestly, its really funny to me that you had to specify you'd only like that ship if they weren't related. Big oof on that one. Jonerys stans hate the idea they couldn't be related because they somehow think Dany being his AUNT isn't at all creepy. Like, Dany is related to Jon the way Jon thinks hes related to his MOTHER. There is no capability of romance or attraction there, that's crazy.

People who are biologically related but don't know it, 99% of the time are in fact, still not accidentally attracted to each other because that's biological survival instinct. Anti inbreeding protocol. But they think because DANY was raised to think her families blood superiority driven incest is fine, that somehow means JON would think its fine. Jonsas have no argument for that they just have to pray desperately that Jon would want to fuck his little sister despite how much it makes him look like a predator.

I'm sorry, I hope you have water on hand to wash down all this goddamn salt I just threw at you all at once.

Really, it isn't individual lines that irk me, its the overall tendencies of these ships to put more emphasis on things that don't even exist to justify something they don't even realize WHY people think it's creepy. I don't hate a lot of ships, just...all pro incest ones, and ones that promote predatory/rapist behaviors. Which is why I don't ship much in this series.

We're probably not meant to ship many people in this series if I in any way understand even a modicum of why grrm writes the lack of romance the way he does.

[corens-relisten]

MAG 17 The Bone Turner's Tale

THAT RANT AT THE BEGINNING IS SO REAL!! yes books are absolutely wild and im amazed that its not everyone whos thought about it

spoilers already!

omg its michael crew!! im so sure he shows up again but i didnt know hes be this early! oh right of course its that early he was mentioned in mag 4 Page Turner as a friend who got struck by lightning

OH?? JARED HOPWORTH?? LIKE..THE BONE TURNER?? (if you couldnt tell i write these as i listen) YESS IT IS!!

OMG ELIAS?? HELLO BEAUTIFUL i cant believe he actually said not to mess w the Lucas family so early

anywho i think this is the Flesh, bc, well. ~flesh~.

spoilers done (:

ELIAS!! HII i hate you but also like omgg helloooo hi so glad to hear you again

martin being out, a blessed relief?? good lord, jon! and yeah naomis complaint is valid he was kind of being a dick. she was too tho but the customers always right! (i wish they werent)

bros like "yeah my "friend"s stupid as shit, so seeing him pick up a book was unsettling, to say the least" thats rough, buddy

YES MHM. THE LIBRARY OR JURGAN LEITNER ((:

yess creepy!! weird distorted hopworth (: and he just got punched oop??

OH YESS. THE RIBS NOMNOMING HIS HAND THATS SO DISTURBING

well jon didnt simply dismiss this one! hes just pissed that leitner is here lol

and finally, my offering of the dayy!

this was one of my drawings for prompt 11 of tmatober, but it was too perfect not to use! so heres my michael crew

[barbwritesstuff]

Hey one of the 7,7% (its such a funny number lol) and since you asked what we would like to see more off: I personally follow you for the great urban fantasy! I really dislike superhero stuff thx to some friends obsessed with Marvel and such (only superhero stuff I love is the Fallen Hero series) so idk maybe there could be way of mixing urban fantasy and superhero stuff? it doesnt need too offc but yeah thats my reason lol

That's a totally valid reason! I love superheroes, but I am very picky about what superhero stuff I read/watch. I'm not actually a fan of most modern superhero movies and tend to bounce off a lot of the comics and books too.

But then, there is some superhero stuff I absolutely adore.

And, of course, I love urban fantasy and will definitely be returning to that.

I'm waiting to see how Blood Moon does as a Choicescript game, and if it's successful I'll write a sequel to it. If it doesn't do well, I'll probably abandon the sequel idea, (after all, people won't read a sequel if they didn't read or like the first one) but I won't abandon the genre.

I hope that makes sense. 💙

[mara-and-its-the-same]

living in the past, it's a new generation - tell me as much as you want to about yourself and I'll make a mood board of what i imagine your past life would be (i'm obsessed with historical fashion, let me indulge myself)

this is so creative oh my goodness how do you come up with these??? also i went a little overboard while talking about myself i hope thats ok<3

i'm an isfj, and i'm fairly shy. i have anxiety, and i get really quiet in social settings- i have 3 close friends who mean the world to me, and i'm part of a really small friend group but i value individual friendships much more because of how intimate they are. i listen to music quite often, read too much (i get caught up in books really easily), listen to a lot of music - taylor swift wrote mirrorball for me - and i'm an academic validation girlie. my aesthetic is somewhere in between coastal granddaughter and coquette- i kind of dress like rory gilmore, i wear flared jeans a lot and floral or lacy tops. 

i use she/her pronouns, and i'm straight but mayyybe bi?? i like to think i'm feminine- i love perfume and lavender and candles and claw clips and locket jewelry. i'm 5'2, petite, and i have medium-length hair that's light brown in the winter and strawberry blonde in the summer (idk but something about the sun changes its color, i don't know how). i'm really fair skinned, blush easily, and i have a few freckles- i get sunburned really easily so i try to take really good care of my skin. my teeth aren't very straight but i like to think it's a cute little character flaw haha.

i'm a ballet dancer but i also ice skate for fun, and i play touch football in the spring. i'm also obsessed with pearls. i write a lot as well- mostly poetry, but i don't post it on here lol. i adore pretty trinkets and dresses, iced matchas from starbucks, gracie abrams, romcoms, and pale pink converse. my favorite show is gilmore girls & anne with an e, and my favorite movies are little women (2019) and dead poets society. thank you<33

babe, why do we have the same hair except mine is only red because it's so stained

And also, don't apologize for talking about yourself. This is science, I need DATA!!!! It's also an excuse for me to know you better<3 (this is also gonna be lowkey fantasized because old times be rough and I'm not gonna put your past self through that) We are here for lighthearted gaiety!!!! Nothing more, nothing less!

Anyway, I got carried away and made a pinterest board rather than a mood board, sorry, but anyway, absolutely 100% certainly late victorian ballerina

I kinda feel like its low hanging fruit cus like, you said you love ballet but honestly I was thinking it the whole time, I just got lucky when you confirmed it el oh el

I think you wouldn't be nobility exactly, but like gilded age and whatever, you'd have money so you get a fancy education and excel in all your courses but then you start ballet and you're definitely better than everyone there too. So you eventually become on of the most famous ballerinas and duh everybody wants to be you or be with you but you're like naaahhhh I have enough friends, thank you though. BUT THeN! One day, at some dinner party your obscenely wealthy grandma is having in your honor at her beach mansion house (because you're the bestest ballerina of them all) you meet gaspspps A Devilishly dashing (person of whatever gender you're feelin, I won't tell you what to do) and it's a relentless back and forth of will-they-wont-they and your friends all say yes but you say no because "they're probably just like everyone else, they don't want me for me, they want me for what I do, what I could offer them"

BUT THEN! dun dun dun,,,a totally random accident that happens out of nowhere and is completely unrelated to dance (i'm hella superstitious and if you think i'm putting that out there? Haha no way), leads you to an early retirement because you still love to dance but the fame isn't all you bargained for, so you move to the seaside and DUN DUN DUN! Who comes to visit??? Your beloved suitor!! and then you have a beautiful life filled with perfume bottles, lockets, lavender sprigs, and beach picnics <3

ummmm I got very carried away but i hope you liked it <3

[red-hibiscus]

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us episode 3 analysis

In: People say coffee is 'black as hell' 'strong as death' and 'sweet as love'. Wang: Which one is your preference? In: Black and strong Wang: I didn't know hell and death smelled this good

I feel like they're only partially talking about coffee here. In choosing everything but love is a choice. He probably doesn't care about love and is left with hell and strength. And then of course Wang was like "wow thats hot", as in despite all of In's efforts to push people away he's still attracted. Very much could be reading too much into it

Not gonna transcribe the whole conversation, but I do want to mention that Wang is the one who apologized (with a push from In), but Mol only cried for herself. She did not apologize at all. She just kept saying that she did everything for him and that she didn't want to be hated. Throughout the whole conversation she focused on her pain, and dismissed any kind of pain she inflicted on Wang. Which is sort of a running problem. While it's great that Wang apologized and tries to keep their relationship from totally disintegrating, it should be a two person job. Mol's reasons for being upset are absolutely valid, but she too should apologize. Instead she gets the gratification of Wang telling her that she's great and doing her best so she didn't.

Also wanna mention their whole thing with calling each other honey/darling (cannot remember the thai word I'm sorry my knowledge of thai is basically non-existent). Is this scene in a way mirroring what probably happened between her and Siam? Likely. Maybe in a way she's also feeling like this is her asking Siam for forgiveness.

No analysis I just wanna say that Pond is absolutely gorgeous and I'm very gay for him

Wang: Inthawut had something that draws me to learn more about him. Sometimes he's warm like the sun. Sometimes he's a complicated book. Sometimes he's an abstract painting. But there's one thing that connects us (*plays with globe in In's room*)

Wang I think you know what is it that draws you to In. It's called your father, otherwise known as Siam. But also it's Wang's natural desire to learn and unravel difficult concepts. I think In's high defenses are part of why Wang is so drawn to him.

Wang: I don't even remember the last time I cried In: Really? You're a man now. So you're strong? Wang: I had to be. When I was sent to boarding school, I was very young. I cried myself to sleep every night. I was shocked. I was hurt. I didn't understand why all of the sudden my dad was gone... What about you? When was the last time you cried? In: Around 10 years ago. It was when I was studying abroad. After that, I stopped crying completely. It's not that I'm strong or anything. I try not to go where it hurts. Wang: Can you tell me why you cried that day? In: *avoids the topic and starts talking about the bridge*

Talking about the last time they cried. Wang stopped crying because he had to be strong. In stopped crying because he simply ran from anything that would cause him to cry. Which is why he lives disconnected from society.

Wang you were literally crying yesterday after arguing with your mother what are you talking about. Wang is a lot more emotional than he lets on. He's just better at faking it than his mother. But he was probably thinking about the last time he had an intense cry. And In, you were close enough to crying yesterday too.

In mentioned that he stopped crying when he was studying abroad because he decided to not do anything that would cause him pain. Siam died when he was studying abroad and (I'm pretty sure) Wang knows this. He doesn't really need to ask the reason why, but he wants that confirmation and wants to hear it from In's mouth.

Wang: I want to go look over there Sangkham: There's nothing there. Just trees In: If you want to go, I'll drive you later. Wang: But it's shorter to walk. You've never been on the trail? Sangkham: It's shorter alright, but the trail can be tough Wang: It isn't tough for the villagers Sangkham: They were lucky enough Boss didn't put up a fence

The villagers I still see as a metaphor for other (out) gay people. The forest seems to me as a symbol of gay love. Wang has no problem walking around with zero fear. He's secure in his sexuality. The worker warns him that it may seem good, but it's dangerous and not worth it. As in, not worth being out due to the struggles he'd face. The worker says that the villagers are lucky Inn didn't put up a fence, as in, he's not homophobic and completely dismissive of them. You could see this as not setting up outright anti-lgbt laws, but also not actually doing anything for people.

If the forest is open gay land, then crossing to it is a symbol of coming out. The bridge could be a metaphor for pro-lgbt laws? Or a safer/more accepting society, one that feels more secure to come out it. Going through the river is like coming out while there's still not an abundance of security.

In wants to go and see the villagers the safe way. He's waiting until it feels safe. However Wang does point out that it's not tough for the villagers, and clearly it's not difficult for him. The river is quite shallow, and even the kids can deliver veggies just fine while walking on the trail. Different points of views. It's easy for Wang, but difficult for In. Maybe this is another generational difference coupled with In's fear of anything that could even be remotely risky.

However In IS willing to go, but only if it's by car to visit. This feels like the equivalent of a closeted lgbt person going to pride event or a gay straight alliance club saying they're just an ally. He can go, but not if it means coming out (assuming the crossing of the river is a symbol of coming out).

Wang: What Sangkam said was right. We should be glad Inn decided to go with the bridge instead of a fence. But I don't know whether he will ever go to the other side when the bridge is ready. Or is the bridge only for the villagers to traverse? Inn is meticulous with everything he does. Whether it's making coffee or breakfast, and of course even with this small bridge that doesn't need to be complicated, but he didn't risk it.

Inn may not go to be with the openly gay people even if he had the safety and support to do so. The bridge, representing freedom and openness with your sexuality, is only for other gay people to traverse. It's not for Inn, and that's something he decided. So even if it was safer, it's possible he's so stuck in the past that he just can't. He won't. He's doing everything for other people assuming he's not allowed to use it for himself. Probably a bunch of guilt in there too.

Inn, being a fearful person, is meticulous even when he doesn't have to. He, in Wang's eyes, is making his sexuality/love more complicated than he needs to.

Wang, an open and free gay symbolized by him being comfortable standing in the river, looking & being attracted to Inn, a closeted gay symbolized by him being safe on the bridge away from the other side.

Wang: You never went on the other side of the creek? In: I usually drive there Wang: That's not what I meant. I mean, have you ever gone beyond the creek? In: And why would I do that? Wang: To see how it's inconvenient for the villagers. In: I drive all my life. Of course I'd find it inconvenient. But for the villagers who were born and raised here, they prefer this inconvenient trail cause it takes longer by the main road. That's why the trail is still used to this day. We can't think for others and force our views on them. They travel here. We can establish from that what they truly want. They want a bridge to cross over, but that doesn't mean they want us to go to their side. Wang: And how do you figure they don't want you on their side? You shouldn't force your views and think for others. So you're not a risk taker? Inn: I'm don't know. Perhaps I'm just old enough to know when to take risks

If the bridge is gay love, inconvenience is the risk factor and fear of being open. Like how worth it is it. Inn doesn't want to take the risk. He sees no reason. He's not interested in love, he's barely interested in other people and society. Why would he need to come out when he's content with his detached life.

The villagers lived there their whole lives and thus the risk is normal. Maybe this is like younger gay people, or gay people who have gotten used to the concept of being open. Inn is used to his ways. He's lived a life where he believes there's no worth in pursuing his gay love and risking the hating eyes of society. Maybe he fears that he wouldn't be accepted by the villagers because he's not able to be as open as they are. Maybe he sees himself as just some weird old gay that younger gays wouldn't care for.

Wang questions him and tells him that the rejection he fears is just in his head.

Wang: I don't want to grow old and regret not taking risks. I don't want to be old and have to answer to young people "what were you doing when you were in our place?"

Wang my beloved. I've seen similar words pop up in situations of activism and speaking out about some divisive topic. You wouldn't want to tell people 20-30 years from now that you didn't do anything. Similarly Wang doesn't want to live his life doing nothing because he was afraid to take action. His fear of not doing something and missing out is greater than his fear of the risk.

Something about Wang comfortably being shirtless and exposed in the gay creek as a symbol for his confidence in his sexuality.... But my mind is just going "Pond why are you so pretty it's unfair"

The birthday, if done by someone else, could be a really sweet thing. However this is Mol and Wang absolutely interprets this as her going too far and being all "look how cool of a mother I am". Wang still enjoys it though because it's still sweet and something she went out of her way to do.

However what I want to talk about more is the cake. To an extent, Mol DOES know what Wang likes. She is his mother and Wang is quite direct about his likes and beliefs. It's kind of silly though that she's giving him a symbol of what he likes, but forbids him from actually going out and doing it. She knows he wants to travel and see the world and thats good and fine and yay look at this cool earth cake, but if he tries?? He gets a "how dare you abandon your own mother? What did I do? I love you so much don't you know how lonely I am?"

Wang: My idol is... I guess it's my social studies teacher at the boarding school. ... He didn't only teach what's in textbooks. He taught us how to look for what's not in them too. When the whole school got together and called out the principal for corruption, all the other teachers didn't say a word. Only this social studies teacher had something to say Mol: And in the end what happened? You lost because you didn't have proof Wang: You're right. We lost, but it made us more aware of injustice we have to fight to get rid of

There's not really any hidden meaning here, but it perfectly shows what kind of person Wang is, and what things he finds important. His idol is someone who sought out truth behind filtered media/textbooks. Someone who fought for things they believed in. The teacher is likely one of the main people who made Wang such a stubborn independent thinker. Even though they failed, Wang still learned that he should fight against what he thinks of as a wrong society.

I'm not sure how the education system is in Thailand, but I'm sure it's at least just as corrupted as in the US. Kids are fed a filtered form of history. The dark history of the country is skimmed over, if mentioned at all. Personally I learned way more in university courses (half the time not even history courses) because professors are given way more freedom. For Wang to have someone like that even in his youth, you can easily see how it would impact him greatly.

In: The 52hz whale really is my idol. Mol: You avoided the question Wang: Your technique isn't working on him Mol: I know who your idol is. You're just afraid to bring him up Wang: Who is it? In: It's because I know you're trying to set me up ... Wang: The 52hz whale. I like this answer. In: So you know him? Wang: He calls at the frequency of 52hz. No one hears him. He's alone in the ocean. No one knows where he is. He's lonely In: How do you know he's lonely?

I don't understand Mol. She hates Siam being mentioned, especially around Wang. Yet she's trying to get In to talk about him.

52hz whale is a symbol of Inn. Inn relates to the whale because he too is alone, away from society. Wang thinks the whale must be lonely, but Inn doesn't think so. Hinting that he doesn’t believe he himself is lonely, even though he is. If the whale wasn’t lonely, why would is call out at all? By saying that he believes the whale is lonely, he's saying that he believes that In is lonely.

For the past 10 years (after Siam's death, and probably before) In has lived a life of solitude. He's gotten used to it, so much so that he's probably convinced himself that he's fine and he's not lonely. In is likely introverted by nature anyway, but if it was not for his fear, I doubt he would actually isolate himself to this extent.

Mol: Elsa told me I could win his and even Best Lakorn. He told me it's because my lakorn is different. The other four contenders are all BL. All couples are gay.

Prelude to Wang being angry at this. Anyway, I think it’s interesting that her (probably mid) straight romance is seen as a strong contender only because it’s straight. Definitely suspicious, but not a surprise.

Wang: Why is the 52hz whale your idol? In: Because he can live on his own. No one hears what he says, but that's fine. It doesn't matter no one understands him and no one can find him. Wang: And isn't he lonely? In: No one knows if he's lonely. That's his nature Wang: I think he's lonely In: You can't think for others, remember? You think he's lonely because you're lonely Wang: I guess you're right. I'm lonely In: It's not wrong to be lonely. We're human after all. We aren't wired like the 52hz whale

This could be seen as Inn saying that it’s in his nature to be aloof and alone. Because it's just how he's destined to be, there's nothing he can do. He's meant to be alone and he's accepted that, at least that's his mindset. Or he wants to be like the 52hz whale, able to be alone and be ok with it so his past and society don’t hurt him. Whereas Wang knows he’s lonely and doesn’t want to be alone.

Interesting that he says that it's normal to be lonely since you're human, you're not like the 52hz whale. Yet if asked, he says that he's fine.

Wang: Why didn't you just answer it? Who is it mom mentioned earlier? Who is your idol? You think you're sending out a certain frequency no one hears like that whale, but I hear you. Your idol is my dad, right?

"You think you're sending out a certain frequency no one hears like that whale, but I hear you." is one of my favorite quotes from the show. It gives me the imagery of Wang diving into the vast open ocean where In is wandering alone with no one else for hundreds of miles, and somehow hearing his cries and going to him.

[3liza]

talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way. 

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were “normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems. 

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character. 

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with. 

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

[jostepherjoestar]

Maybe Jotaro, Risotto, Prosciutto, Bruno and Leone friendship HCs with a fem friend thats llike your generic dumbass but they are just like a soft dumbass, she is just too cute to get mad at no matter how stupid she is. So basically a smol sweet dumbass that just radiate baby energy. Like she just runs up to them saying she want to show them something cool and its just a pretty rock but she looks so happy xjsbkss 💖

Pure of heart, dumb of ass fem!friend with Jotaro, Risotto, Prosciutto, Bruno and Abbacchio HC’s

sfw // fem reader

lemme just say, reader is baby and that’s valid 🥰this is so adorably pure ugh ya done killed me anon 🥺💖✨(can very much relate tho, glad my friends put up with my dumb antics)

Jotaro:

“Why am I friends with you again? Yare yare...” A phrase you’ll hear every time you’re hanging out with this tall bastard. He’ll tease you for being a bit of a dumbass but is incredibly drawn to how kind, sweet and absolutely thoughtful you are.

You remind him of Josuke and Okuyasu which only makes him like you even more. And the added cuteness-factor made him admit to himself he does indeed love cute things, no matter how adamantly he denies it to you.

His favourite thing to do is bring you along to the beach for field research, knowing just how wide eyed and giddy you get when you’re allowed to collect shells and rocks or even poke a jellyfish. You seem very good at spotting irregularities in your surroundings, making quite the good assistant to Dr. Kujo.

You’re even allowed to help with lab research, studying petri dishes filled with algae as you excitedly point out a very important detail he hadn’t noticed yet, too tired from working such long hours. Sometimes you’re quite the genius without even trying.

More than anything he loves the amount of lightness you bring to his life, his studies and general headspace take a large toll on him. Any relief is a welcome one.

He’ll often find himself smiling at the thought of hanging out again, staring at the collection of trinkets he keeps in a cute little Hello Kitty box you once gave him, which rests on his nightstand as a reminder that it can’t hurt to adapt your lifestyle of mindless giddy; even just the tiniest bit.

Risotto:

Being close friends with Risotto seems a bit impossible without being in his squad, he’s very insistent at keeping outsiders of Passione more than an arm-length away. Good thing that the stoic man is your capo, phew!

He’s apprehensive at first, not really sure why the soft round pebble you brought him reminded you of the man as he studied the mineral, admiring its softness. “It’s like you! Soft and worn down, but very sturdy and unbreakable.” smiling sweetly at him, excitedly awaiting a response.

What was this new feeling of being appreciated and cared for? Risotto’s never really experienced a friendship so pure. He’ll quietly thank you for the pebble and keeps it on his desk, staring in awe as he’s reminded of your kind words every time he spots it.

He knows the others like to tease you for not always being aware of general human knowledge, shooting them an intense glare as a warning to keep any rude comments or jokes to themselves.

Your friendship consists of him mostly listening to you, quietly taking in all the stories you divulge- so full of excitement, telling him facts you picked up somewhere; the source of these often containing varying levels of credibility. He won’t correct you though. (unless it’s something that might actually endanger you)

He values your friendship so.much. He’s not used to being treated so kindly, receiving random gifts, being praised for a job well done, having someone who doesn’t judge him in the slightest. He’ll do whatever he needs to keep you safe, from others and yourself, along with trying to return your kindness and care. (he tries his best and it’s so cute)

(you guys hold hands for safety when you’re out in the city... just saying, it’s adorable)

Prosciutto:

Prosciutto has a chronic case of “caring older brother disease”. Will need to hold himself back from tying your shoelaces for you, the man knows you can do it it yourself but it’s just taking sooo long.

Just like Risotto, you’d have to be a team member to get close to him in any way. Good thing he recruited you ;)

It’s a bit hard to make him open up about anything personal. You feel like he knows everything about you, while you barely know a thing. When he sees your pouty lip and begging gaze that is way too cute to deny, he’ll cave. Perhaps finally realising it’s alright to lean on others.

He’ll still struggle with continuing the openness, but find relief in your loyalty and understanding. The way you intently listen to his troubles, there to hold his hand if he ever needs it, it makes his heart hurt to know how sweet and gentle you are.

Will keep you and Pesci separate during missions, he’s already getting a migraine from imaging everything that could go wrong without his guidance.

For someone who’s a little more on the dense side, you make up for it in emotional intelligence. Whenever you see how stressed he tends to get, eye twitching without even realising while his shoulders hunch together in discomfort, you come over to hug him. It’s something he had to get used to, the small gesture always calming him down enough to keep going.

Does not appreciate you slipping cute trinkets in his suit pocket. Especially not after finding a snail that one time. You’ve been forbidden from leaving pocket gifts since the incident.

Bruno:

It concerns Bruno just how clueless you can be from time to time. That one time they almost left you behind on a busy station with no cellphone because you found a coin on the ground made him realise you need some extra supervision.

He’s not the type to hold you back from doing things that are guaranteed to result in disaster (unless it’s literally deadly), he wants you to experience the consequences of your own actions.

You do make him hold back his laughter when you try out a stupid idea you know has failed in the past, but change your methods slightly to hope for better results. And you know what? Now he’s curious too.

The man has a weird sense of humour that sometimes even surprises you. He’ll copy your habit of picking up strange trinkets or rocks and asks you to compare findings with him. Like trading marbles, he’ll barter with a smirk.

“Mhh, if you give me that cute shell and that pointy rock... I’ll give you this keychain.” His alluring offer making you question if you’re getting swindled or not. “Hey! That shell is at least worth two stickers!” He’ll heartily laugh at your reply, a mischievous smile while thinking over the trade. “Ok, two stickers and a pebble then.”

With a firm handshake the deal goes through. The rest of the gang never knows how to respond, staring in amazement as their grown-ass capo barters with their grown-ass teammate. He loves being silly with you and forgetting all the pressures of life for just a moment.

Bruno takes his time opening up to you, but finds your presence so comforting it becomes very easy to trust you. As a vital part of his team he finds it important to be able to lean on each other for support and is glad you offer him just as much trust and loyalty.

Abbacchio:

Will never admit he can’t live without you anymore. You’ve become the shining beacon of assumed happiness the man never thought existed. He knows you won’t always be go-lucky and have your own troubles and struggles but admires how you handle them.

Don’t get me wrong, he’ll still gladly tease you for your occasional (well, more like frequent) stupidity. He’ll let you know with a big huff you should smarten up; “Read a book that doesn’t have pictures in it for once.”

He’ll be the first to correct any wrong info you’ve been given, unless he thinks it’s funny. Like when Mista made you believe you needed to order dessert at Libeccio or they’ll kick you out for breaking their beloved rule. It’s only when he saw the panic in your eyes when you finished your main course one day -too full for any sweets to come- that he assured you it was a dumb joke. (he’ll put all the blame on Mista)

Abbacchio seems to tether to people who have a positive influence on him without even realising, it won’t be obvious to him, but just like with his loyalty and admiration for Bruno, he’ll make sure you know it once he finds out.

Not that it’s a bad thing, his need to cling to anything that might help him stay afloat just needs to stay healthy. You didn’t even realise your effect on him, you were too busy trying to figure out a way to turn that scowl into that smirk.

After gifting him a handmade friendship bracelet that had the shortened versions of your names spelled on it, he hugged you. So tightly it was suffocating, you were shocked since he’s never been the touchy type. “Leone! I can’t breathe...” He’ll let go after the complaint but that look on his face will never leave your memory. The face of being loved unconditionally by choice, no matter how unworthy he might think himself of it.

[miladysatsuki]

ok my post about talking about 3.0+1.0 kawoshin & kaworus development got a few likes so I’m going to ramble under the cut about mostly kawoshin & kaworu but actually about all of the pilots & the whole movie.

SPOILER WARNING FOR EVANGELION 3.0+1.0 also out of context spoilers for pmmm in the second to last paragraph I’m just comparing the two

So, first of all I’m going to say some general movie thoughts: I liked the movie, I know there are some polarizing opinions. I agree that Asuka and Mari both deserved more development and attention. However Asukas “confession” at the EoE mirrored scene really did not feel romantic to me like it felt very much just accepting that like no I do actually care about you Shinji despite always pushing you away I do want well for you and always have, but I didn’t know how to deal with that truth and my own pain at the same time. Asuka is not tsundere, she does not have romantic feelings for Shinji and never has. I will die on this hill. She may have wanted him to want her to validate herself but, thats a different can of worms.

Mari and Shinji running off together at the end, OBVIOUSLY the implication is they’re together but I feel like they intentionally left it a bit ambiguous for people who didn’t need/want to see Shinji in a romantic relationship. Like they easily could have shown her pregnant or kissing him or something and that would have been very blatant. I think the fact that she is the one who came up to him at the end instead of Asuka Rei or Kaworu is mostly fan service with a dash of letting the other three have room to be their own people separate of Shinji. Rei and Kaworu have never been their own person without their entire worlds revolving around Shinji and I think the visual of the two of them talking together at the end but still on the other side of the train station was a good way of showing like they are still relevant to Shinjis life but they get to explore their own worlds too. Obviously same goes for Asuka because she is the other side of the same coin with Shinji, she deserves to be her own person too. I also like to pretend after running off the train platform together they go to the other side & meet up with the others :)

ANYWAYS MORE ABOUT KAWORU SPECIFICALLY

I think its really interesting that almost every popular fan theory about him got confirmed in this new movie, even ones that had barely any basis in previous movies, and that they also dismissed the main popular homophobic opinion of “he was just using Shinji”. He truly wanted Shinji to be happy, because he wanted that to be enough to make himself happy. & I genuinely think he was aware and fully willing to keep living the loop for Shinji infinitely but Shinji recognizing the loop existing and acknowledging all that Kaworu had done for him already was also extremely releasing. Probably freed him from something he didn’t even know was trapping him at all. Kaji and Kaworus father/son moment was really sweet as well considering Kaworu is his own parents and has never known any kind of family.

I also have read some online takes that Rei and Kaworu are meant to be “together” at the end? but I really dont think standing next to one another constitutes a romantic relationship LOL. They’re definitely still/always siblings in my book. I also would like to think all the pilots kept their memories from the rebuild timeline, Kaworu keeping them from every timeline & Shinji having a blurry understanding of the existence of multiple timelines but not every detail.

I wonder if this implies Kaworu and Rei are fully human, I’m not sure how that works. Maybe he still is Tabris but angels pose no threat without evas anymore so he can just live amongst them like anyone else.

I also wanted to say like PMMM is another one of my dearest animes and something about Shinji pulling the Goddoka card to rewrite the universe without evas (without witches) but Yui facing the burden for him is so sweet. I can’t see it going any better way. Unit 01 obviously was taking as much damage for Shinji all along and her being able to be his final release from that pain is just, I don’t know how it could do any other way. I also don’t think I could handle it if it was exactly the same as PMMM and no one remembered Shinji. Shinji my beautiful baby boy who represents hope for humanity?? Completely forgotten?? thats too much even for me 😩 also this is a side note: I am absolutely in no way a Gendo apologist but I really appreciated him getting his loose ends tied off too, for Shinjis sake mostly. I don’t think Evangelion could have ended without Shinji gaining understanding for his father. Shinji understanding his father is another important aspect of Shinji representing humanity. It probably also allowed him to heal a little from Kaworu being “just like my father” like yeah, we all are, a little bit he’s also just a guy just like you. Gendo is the absolute tail-end of the spectrum of losing your hope and your humanity. The visual of Shinji using the lance of hope and Gendo using despair is obvi a very classic anime trope but I still liked it. Gendo losing Yui and letting it destroy him and Shinji losing Kaworu but using that to move forward and grow and keep Kaworu alive in spirit (also in real life but he didn’t know that at that point obvi). Chefs kiss.

anyways Shinji and Kaworu get a house together and live happily ever after :) idk I haven’t thought much about how they would live on post movie but I feel like the whole group would all be good friends + Toji and fam + Kensuke too of course. I could do a whole nother post about Toji and Kensuke 😫 I have so many feelings for evangelion lmk if u wanna hear LOL

[svankmajerbaby]

ok 40 minutes in the Is Fanfiction Good, Actually? video essay by Sarah Z, and its her best video so far?? idk i really really love analysis of the limits of a medium and what constitutes art and the politics of respectability for a medium bc its all. what i saw in university its all the same, she even mentions it. narrative film in the beginning was much like theater because it was the closest point of reference, what with sets and actors. it chased the success of stage performances adapting theater plays and later on respected novels and other literary works to also have some of that sweet respect and validation as an art form. there is also the issue of movies at the beginning being very much the sort of endeavor you needed to have money to be able to partake in, so of course these movies were made with the widest audience possible in mind so they could make their investment back --thats how we get the studio system and big celebrities and so on.

and the comparison of fanfiction less with published books and more with serialized television writing is absolutely perfect, i think, apart from the essential conceit that the fact that it is a written form is part of its definition as fanfiction (people who say that X movie is fanfiction are wrong just because what would be more appropriate a term is fanfilm, since i wouldnt call any star wars youtube indie short movies "fanfiction" basically bc its a different medium). television also has/is greatly weighed down by its comparison to its closest medium relative --film --just as fanfiction is weighed down by the comparison to its closest mediun relative --books. however, the technical shortcomings of fanfiction/tv series compared to books/movies are only so when you force them to become the other. fanfiction, just like tv series, can be just as mediocre and just as artistically impactful as any book or movie. just because there is a canonization of "what good books are", "what good movies are", and recently "what good tv series are", and as of yet no canonization of "what good fanfiction is", doesnt mean that there is no artistic merit to fanfiction in itself. obviously there is also a whole issue with how fanfiction is unbelievably easy to produce and consume compared to any other big validated art form, which usually has a lot more roadblocks and editing processes, which also helps with making it so popular (and therefore easy to look down on), making it so that there is a Lot done carelessly or with no artistic intention. and Then there is the aspect of it being possible only because of the internet!!! fanfiction as we know it can Only work online because of the idea of mass sharing, tags to help find it among a fandom and a steady influx of feedback... theres so much to fanfiction as a modern art form to analyse and study and to fully dismiss it or to fully idolize it based on general experiences or a perception of its impact on consumers as a whole is so silly

[solange-lol]

hiii in celebration of AUctober, what are some of your fav solangelo AUs?

Anonymous said to solange-lol:

Hi! Kinda a random question: do you have any favorite riordanverse fanfics that you’d suggest reading? I’m looking for ones to read, but I’ve been having trouble finding new ones! Thanks!

rec list #1 | rec list #2

all recs can be found under the tag ‘lizs solangelo fic recs’ on my blog!

technically its past auctober now, but better late then never to drop my third solangelo rec list!! especially considering the state of the world rn ... lets just say its a celebration of me actually participating in sw for the first time in a while

rec under cut as always!! its not all aus but its the count that thots

Find Another Place to Stay by @unwieldyink

personally i think breakup fics are incredibly underrated, and i also think annie is incredibly underrated, so enjoy ur little cry if you read this one (tw // violence in this one)

Hershey’s kiss by @unwieldyink

we love a godswap!! it’s actually been a while since ive read this one and i reread this while making this rec list and can i just say that zeus!nico and hermes!will are both such valid concepts and this just has a rly good dynamic to it

Actors by @buoyantsaturn

i could talk about this fic for hours but lets just say ao3 has told me ive visted this fic 40 times. im not kidding. fake dating is just a godtier trope

start of something new by jinniefic

if you know me, you know that i fricken LOVE high school musical, and this is literally just the start of the first movie but solangelo and honestly a little more iconic please read even if ur not a hsm fan

paper/plastic by @rosyredlipstick

the fact that this is from 2018 and took this long to get into my rec list is tragic because i think about this fic a lot... a lot. mortal au. very chill, strangers to lovers, very good vibes, will be rereading soon (everything rosy writes is amazing we already knew this)

10:37pm by @buoyantsaturn

surprise another cj fic! fun fact she debated with us for a good half hour about what to title this fic so go read it so you can tell her you like the name (and the fic itself... its a very good fic) (tw // alchohol and drug use for this one)

Sunflower by ChiseHatori

3 days in the infirmary is probably the easiest trope u can find in the solangelo tag but i have to say this one really made me soft just bc it feels a lot more in character than some of the others ive read, and it basically picks up right where they ended in the books

Will You, or Will You Not? by @thebluesideofmyworld

marriage fics... also very soft. just boys bein boys. dual engagements. mortal au. all that good stuff vv soft i loved it

let your heart win by @justanothervampiregirl

this one is short but its also probably one of the most in character fics ive ever read and i really like this style of writing mixed with canon compliance so :)

The Magic of Naomi Solace by Sweetymomo

naomi solace, underratted legend. i aspire to have her relationship with will. lots of familial background if you like that!! and its set at a bnb!!

forget all the shooting stars and silver moons by itotallyreadthatbook

when i saw this in the tag i was SO excited bc we love high school aus here and it was!! very good indeed!! this trope is one ive never seen before and i recommend 10/10 good banter

They won’t always live by Phantomxlegend

will overworking himself and coping with loss always makes me :(( so if ur okay with some will angst then buckle up

“I am fully capable of kicking your ass” by @unwieldyink

i remember i saw the email notification for this one and immediately was like yup absolutely im in and it 100% lives up to its title we love capture the flag solangelo

the night we met by peachyytomlinson

a lil ooc but also very angsty and did make me emotional when i read this late at night. i think i wrote something similar a while back but i just aaaaa will angst man

“look how hard i can cry FWSHHH”  by @buoyantsaturn

call me biased bc i like to claim that i originated the idea of demeter!will and cj dedicated this fic to me but like BRO its so soft and i love it here nico leave the plants along challenge failed

femboy hooters, or the time percy jackson failed to keep a secret by luciethebean

its all fun and games until the fic turns out to genuinely be really good. like, yes the title is exactly what you think it is but it doesnt matter bc its so fricken well written im^@*#&(*)($_$#&^@$(@*)* yeah

Of Ties and Significant Annoyances by seokjinvilla (@thechampagnecocainegasoline)

we dont support jkr in this household but what we do support is this bc this plot is genius and i love it

everything’s going swimmingly by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

fun fact i posed the idea of a sports/team prompt to the sw mod crew literally just so someone would pull through and write a swim au and ethan DID without even knowing. i love them and their writing style is so !!!! please read it

when you smile (the whole world stops) by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

another ethan fic!! this is the perfect fic for a rough day where u just want some cuddles bc thats literally the plot of the fic. i love this one with my entire heart its very fluffy 10/10 do reccomend

pumpkin spice (i hate it, it's not nice) (ok maybe it's a little nice) by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

ethan fic part 3!! bc i binge read these all in one night!! literally again their writing style is so amazing and the witty banter!!!! also we love a retail bookstore au 

Burnt Plastic (and Other Bad Ideas) by More_of_This

so this one isnt exactly romantically solangelo but it is hilarious in my opinion and i absolutely adore well written college aus and while i know nothing about college this fic is so funny to me (if you read the tags there is, in fact, a raccoon involved) (tw // drinking for this one)

all because you kissed me goodnight by @buoyantsaturn

i have been WAITING for a mortal counselors au and im sure theres some out there already but y’all already know im a cj stan! lots of slowburn, friends to lovers, coworkers, all the good stuff (and i named this one and offered cj a lot of materials from my own camp so this one especially hits!! i reccomend for those good ol summer vibes!!) (tw // drinking for this one)

Waiting With You by @buoyantsaturn

oh boy buckle up if u want an angst ride because this fic tore me apart. i keep threatning cj with “dont pull another waiting with you”. that being said, very much feels like a movie while youre reading it, very fluffy in the middle, we love mutual pining. 

Little Italian Boy by @buoyantsaturn

stream little italian boy by grace gilmore. youll get it. thats it.

The Clues by @thebluesideofmyworld

secret dating when done well is legit one of my favorite tropes of all time and this!!! this!!!!!!!!! its outsiders perspective also which is another one of my favorite tropes, and just little views on nicos life and i love it

So Come On, Talk it Out (your voice brought me back from the dead) by @buoyantsaturn

will solace, sponsered by kitkats, cj edition

no but if you read tower of nero you’ll really like this missing pieces pre-ton fic this is a really soft little fic with a bunch of easter eggs from the book in it, so i highly recommend! if you havent read ton yet and are still avoiding spoilers, come back to this one!

reaching for the sun (you, you, you) by moonswords (@tortadelimao)

i just read this one about 2 hours ago for the first time and i am Still thinking about it. its like the getting together that i literally feel like is canon and the vibes are Immaculate (also william “what about me looks straight” solace)

“Are we on a date right now?” by @unwieldyink

overworked will, nico helping out in the infirmary, first dates & hikes, canon compliant, we love to see it (also its an annie fic so ur required by law to read it)

Outrunning karma by Phantomxlgend 

more will angst! featuring angry overworked will!

Everlasting Ring by minyoongurt (@blueblackslowtown)

i was Very excited when i read the summary of this one, and i think minyoongurt did a really good job!! healer will, injured nico, the whole dynamic. also i love the idea of nico only knowing “thank you” “go away” and “fuck you” in sign language. im pretty sure thats canon

The Little Thing by Rainbow_Mess

i belive this is also a pre-toa fic thats just exploring all the stuff we found out about will in ton and its very short and sweet :)

and of course, a few of my recent works for your consideration

who is he (and what is he to you?)

just doing my silly little tasks

i don’t need three bars to tell me we’re meant to connect

truly, madly, deeply

[veethewriter]

hello! can i request a matchup for mha and haikyuu? (im a minor btw)

im 5'6 with brown skin and long curly black hair thats usually side parted. i also wear pretty big wayfarer glasses because my eyesight sucks lol. also im bi and use the pronouns she/they.

for my personality im an intp and really chill and put out a confident face, im very dramatic as well. im also pretty stereotypically a slytherin and i can be kinda an instigator sometimes and cross peoples boundaries on accident. i joke around a lot and my humor is a mix of dark humor and media references. i also have adhd and im usually pretty restless. generally im the tough one in the friend group because most of the time i just dont care at all. i dont consider a lot of people my friends, but to the people who are, im very loyal and teasing, and i absolutely love suprising them with presents. apparently i also give good advice in general which is something im proud of. i also never express my hardships, i often poke jokes or make fun of it but never actually go into a serious conversation and no one really knows the full me.

in my free time im usually reading books, i have a habit of binge reading. i also watch a lot of anime and constantly scroll on social media. im an avid listener of rock music and i also love making playlists with really long names. when im not doing those things on internally stressing, i take long naps or find new cool places to order food from. i also really like fashion and just aesthetic in general, if i could describe my aesthetic it would probably be teachwear x punk x dark academia x streetwear x baroque which can be weird since theyre very different haha.

i do martial arts and im looking to start boxing soon too. humanities subjects are always my best, especially history, im terrible in the STEM field, unfortunately i cannot do quick mathz. i usually dont care about much unless i really enjoy it or want to do it, its hard to goad me into things. but when i do get into things i get competitive, and i thrive off of validation.

i would see myself with someone fun that i could joke around with but also have a deep conversation with, also someone preferably on the taller end hehe.

thank you in advance! and i hope youre doing good <3

Of course you can get a matchup!! For mha I think you would go best with Momo!!

You and Momo meet through jiro, Momo found your personality amazing and interesting from there you two started to hang out with each other every once in a while. When Momo realized she liked you she didn't know what to do but after a little she gained the bravery to ask you out. When you said yes she was so happy and started to think of a first date immediately.

Momo for your first date decided to take you on a picnic on a hill, where it was clam and quiet. Momo loves joking around with you and actually sometimes prefers to also have deep conversations with you. Momo will read with you while you both have free time, she'll also being some snacks. If you wanna take a nap with her, she'll gladly agree and cuddle with you during a nap.

Momo is also interested in fashion and will try a lot of different styles with you, or if you want to sometimes you'll pick outfits for each other to wear for a day. Momo finds your dark humor funny and can't help but laugh at it sometimes. If you need help at all in math Momo will definitely help you with it (she's pretty good at it).

If you do accidentally cross momo's boundaries, she won't be mad at you and just tell you that it's something she doesn't want to really talk about. Momo will support you in anything you do and will show up to your events whenever she can. Momo may be rich but she doesn't act spoiled, however she will get you whatever you want even if you just mention it once.

For haikyuu I match you with daichi!!

You and daichi meet at a book store, he was looking at books to give as a gift when you over heard him muttering to himself and decided to walk over to help him. You gave him a book recommendation for the friend, he was happy and asked if he could have your number again incase he had another problem with books. He called a couple days later asking to hang out (only after suga encouraged him too).

After you two started to hang out for a while daichi started to fall for you and decided to as you out when he took you out to a cafe with a book section in it. When you said yes, he was so excited and asked if you wanted this to be your first date with him. After you two started dating daichi tries to make it too all the martial arts events you do.

Daichi will watch your favorite shows with you while cuddling with you or if your reading he'll put his head on your shoulder to read with you. Daichi will have deep conversations with you and joke around, tho he doesn't joke around that often he loves to see you do it (he finds it cute). Daichi doesn't really care if you cross his boundaries, he knows you didn't mean to so he won't care.

Daichi can get get pretty competitive too but will stop if he thinks that's it's going too far. Daichi may act like a dad sometimes and try to show you what's wrong and what's right but that only to show you that he cares about you a lot. He doesn't mean to act that way and will stop if you tell him that he's going too far (he's just used to protecting his team mates often).

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[thegoodomensdumpster]

(1) I'm fat and I fucking love the crumbs, it's such a bummer that they won't be around anymore. Besides, stereotype or not, some fat people (like myself) are messy and gross and some aren't and that's okay. I liked seeing myself represented in Aziraphale here, and it sucks that it's now being cencored. I'm fat and I'm messy and the fact that people want to hide that that's a thing makes me feel more ashamed about who I am than I wouldn have been if it was just left alone.

(2) I'm sick of the trope that fat people have to always be pristine and constantly ON AIR just to be given the same respect that a thin person would have, even if they themselves were also messy. I loved your crummy Aziraphale, he made me feel like I was still worth something and capable of great things and worthy of a dedicated love. He made a lot of people feel like that. Art shouldn't be cencored. This asks breaks my heart a little, because... I’m not the authority on validating people of course, but in case anyone needs to read that: OF COURSE you are worthy of love and respect and just being a human if you are messy, if you are fat, if you are messy and fat, or if you happen to fit a stereotype that mainstream media have rendered harmful. Because you are people, not fictional characters, and you exist beyond these stereotypes boundaries. You are complex, and alive, and your existence matters.

More under the cut for discussion on character design, stereotypes, tumblrfoolery, and my own incapacity to know what to do. The most important bit is above, but if you guys want to take part into a bigger conversation with me, either by replying to this post or MPing me, I’m welcoming you with open arms. It got a bit long, but hopefully it isn’t too confused.

(Also, quick side note: I’m not deleting any of the crumb jokes previously made, so if you miss them, you can still find them in the archive of this blog under the crumb omens hashtag.)

My opinion on character design is actually this one: there is no inherently harmful trait for a certain type of people, it is all a question of context and quantity. In the case of a character that is fat and messy, if it just happens that, among other fat people, one of them is messy, then it’s not a stereotype, and it’s not harmful. However, in our current media landscape, those two attributes happen to be associated way too often, enough that it leads to essentialisation of fat people ( aka: if you’re fat, you’re necessary messy, lazy, etc... these reductive associations are almost systematic ).

In the context of my blog and my work at large, if you’re familiar with it, I think it’s safe to say that I, personally, don’t use the fat and messy character as a stereotype, because I also depict other fat characters as non messy characters. Thats for my context. That’s also probably why, when I made all the crumb jokes, I didn’t even think about this stereotype.

But the thing is, I don’t post my fanarts in a vacuum. Especially on Tumblr where posts tend to have a life of their own when they get reblogged. They get cut from their context, hence only showing the tip of the iceberg, which is what I consider to be a harmful stereotype. And even within their context, it might still come as insensitive and hurt people who have been badly affected by this stereotype. And this has nothing to do with my original intentions.

This would lead to the consideration of how much of a private / public venture exactly a blog is, and to what extent should we take mainstream depictions into account when we design characters ourselves, and how much can we expect people to take things into the context of the OP’s work, or the OP’s blog, or the website it was posted on... This is something I’m scratching my head over, I’m not sure I have an answer to that. I’m not even sure there is an answer to that. But what I know is that this specific blog, though it still is MY blog, also has a following big enough that I cannot fully consider it as private ( although, I never consider any internet space to be really private ...).

However, I one hundred percent agree that there is a huge issue in, as a reaction to these harmful strereotypes, not allowing minorities and oppressed group as appearing any less than perfect. This is a terrible response, a terrible pressure, and it’s as much dehumanizing as only seeing people through the prism of stereotypes. And I know I can not satisfy everyone when I make a choice, but I do try to make the choices that hurt the less, or at least the ones that won’t hurt the group of people I care about (and by that I mean: I would not hesitate to make fatshamers feel ill at ease, but I do not want to hurt fat people over fatphobia).

So, yeah, it does feel like I fell into another trap that ends up guilt tripping people. But I don’t know how to react, I don’t where to stand, because I don’t know which reaction would bring the less suffering. It seems that there is no perfect answer, and fat people might get hurt either way. I just know that, since I’ve been made aware of the kind of hurt the crumb jokes could do, I’m feeling uncomfortable myself continuing them. So, this is not strictly censorship. Because, at least right now, I don’t feel like I want to continue them either. Maybe my mind will change, I don’t know, but I have the feeling that maybe my issue is mostly based on the media (aka: a tumblr post) rather than the joke itself. Because if, for instance, I had one messy fat character in a comic book where you can see other fat characters in all their diversity and complexity, then it wouldn’t feel like I’m tapping into a stereotype, and therefore I doubt it would make a lot of fat people ill at ease. Because that one messy fat character could hardly be cut from the context of its book. But with a tumblr post that can escape its context or directly be surrounded in a tumblr search on my blog by other similar post declining the same messy joke with the same fat character... I don’t know. 

I just, really, really don’t know.

I feel saddened by the hurt I’m doing to people either way, and I’ve received several messages of fat people telling me they liked the crumb jokes. But I cannot know if people who were actually hurt are just silent on this issue or if I’m just ... anticipating a hurt that wasn’t there to begin with ( because the original message that made me aware of this issue wasn’t actually written by someone who personnally felt ill at ease at that joke, it was just pointing it out as fatphobic, which I agreed to be an issue as well ). 

So, yeah. If you have any insight on this issue, absolutely feel free to contact me. This is an important conversation to have, or at least it is to me, and it touches on many important topics so it’s ... potentially long and convoluted and confusing. But I want to learn, I want to do better, and I want to help people feel good about themselves. This is possibly my number one goal as an artist. 

<3

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho