#of course hes a bodyguard of sorts but hes kinda his shadow at all times

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

something about being loyal/unable to abandon loyalty as a dog would, being a right hand man who obeys your masters every command, being chained to the one you love and he knows it

[just-a-creep-babe]

I'm back?? Creeps with a really go with the flow, devil-may-care, Not afraid of death, Chill SO? [EX: *meets creeps* Wow, okay, this is my life now I guess. || Same stuff as always! *helps hide body* || You wanna fly into the Bermuda triangle and live to stream it? Heck yeah, she'll bring spicy sour patch kids. || Don't worry! I'm still in shock! Can't feel a thing! || '*does something stupid* we survived? Brilliant. Love it when that happens. ] Thanks!♡

~Requests are closed but commissions are open~

Masterlist: x

Slenderman

Jfc—why?

He’s already worried about litcherally everyone else in the mansion, now you too?

He is Quite Concerned™️

Lowkey more concerned for you over the others but that’s a given tbh

Honestly questions how tf you’ve manage to make it this far without dying

He makes it his personal mission to keep you safe at all costs—no matter what

So on the bright side, you sort of inherit this ancient eldritch being as a personal bodyguard!

But on the not-so bright side, said being just doesn’t let ya have any fun around here >:/

Will physically restrain you from doing something stupid so you don’t get caught up in anything dangerous

Starts considering giving you a curfew or smthg because even he can’t keep up with the stuff you get pulled into

But he respects you too much for that, ofc, so he just begrudgingly accepts that you’ll keep doing you—no matter how irresponsible or dangerous it might be :”)

Still loves you despite the heart attacks you nearly put him through every other day :)

Jeff the Killer

This 👏mans 👏will 👏love 👏you 👏forever 👏

At first, admittedly, he’s a teensy bit put off by your nonchalance because how can someone actually be that laid back all the time??

But once he adjusts to it & realizes that you aren’t, in fact, faking it for whatever reason, he’ll be completely & utterly enamored with you

Like,, he can do a bunch of stupid shit & drag you along into it & you won’t freak out??

Sign 👏him 👏up 👏

Loves not having to worry about you sanity tbh—there’s no need to hide all the dangerous crap he does because he knows you won’t worry ^^

And homeboy most definitely will take advantage of your go-with-the-flow nature

He’s got a taste for danger & doing stupid shit—how could he not bring you along with him?

If/when y’all get caught & put in trouble tho, he’ll take the blame so that you don’t suffer for something that was most likely his idea

Jeff? Doing the right thing? It may be more likely than you think 🤔

It still sometimes unnerves him just how chill you are with everything, but hey, he can’t let you outdo him in badass-ness, so he’s guaranteed to incite plenty of chaos to prove himself; it’s bound to be an exciting time uwu

BEN Drowned

Oh he is sO down

One of the perks of being dead? He probably can’t die again

So there are absolutely no limits to the insane shenanigans he’s willing to pull off

The fact that you’re just as down to clown makes thing so much better

It gets to the point where someone constantly needs to keep an eye on the both of you so you don’t accidentally end up dying

Cause BEN (and bless his soggy soul) as much as he loves you, tends to forget how fragile human beings can be

So it’s up to the others to make sure your lack of self-preservation doesn’t get you killed

But your fearlessness & nonchalance is like a breath of fresh air!

Things can get a teensy bit boring when you’re immortal, so he’s more than happy to have a badass s/o by his side who’s down for pretty much anything uwu

Y’all get into a bunch of stupid, dangerous & probably illegal shit—but he wouldn’t want it any other way 😘

Eyeless Jack

Similar to Slendaddy, this mans is Concerned™️

He will constantly check you over to see if you need to get patched up because he knows you’re a danger magnet

But at the same time, he doesn’t wanna be too overbearing

Like he definitely has this live & let live mentally (prolly in part due to his diet) so he‘ll try not to bring up too often how nervous he is about your safety & well-being

You’ve accepted him as he is, part demon and all, so he feels like he owes you the same

Even if it does scare the shit out of him because my god what have you gotten yourself into this time??

He’s kinda like a worried mom tbh—he’ll pack you up a lunch & send you off with a “be safe, don’t do anything dangerous, say no to drugs,” and stuff, even despite knowing you probably won’t listen

Homeboy just wants you to grow & experience the world for yourself :”)

Still, he’ll ask the others to keep an eye out for you & to not put you in too much danger

And he’ll totally sometimes follow you from the shadows just to make sure you’re staying safe skdjsjdlsjl

He’s a protective demon boi, what can I say? :)

Masky

He’s,,,, pretty impressed actually

Thinks your nonchalant attitude is kinda badass

Of course he still gets worried, but he’s also prone to forgetting how fragile most people are

His pain tolerance is pretty dang high, so he doesn’t always realize certain things can hurt normal people. Badly

He’ll feel super bad if you get injured with him, but at least homeboy will try to make it up by giving you plenty of sweets & cuddles uwu

He might try to give you a stern talking-to so that you’re more careful, but he knows it won’t stop you from being you

Still, overall, he thinks it’s pretty sweet that you’re down for, like, anything

Will probably wanna take you with him for jobs sometimes—just cause he can & it probably won’t traumatize you too bad :>

Just don’t tell slender

Thinks his bold little s/o is damn cool & lowkey brags abt you all the time uwu

Hoodie

He thinks it’s pretty funny lmfaoo

Is torn between being worried & wanting you safe while also desperately wanting to just be like “fuck it” and do a bunch of stupid shit with you :”)

Will probably take advantage of how you don’t worry much to tag you along in his shenanigans

But at least he’ll make your safety & comfort his utmost top priority uwu

Honestly, he admires how chill you are with shit that’s pretty traumatizing—it’s almost funny that you’re just as brave as he is, considering his line of work and all

It’s,, kinda intriguing to him; homeboy will maybe wanna psychoanalyze you a lil 👀👉👈

You’re just so interesting, he can’t help but be a smidge fascinated 👁👄👁

Really wants to be able to make some good, wild memories with you <3

He’s honestly the perfect balance of protective & adventurous at the same time

Just wants to please his little s/o and keep them safe & happy while fulfilling their need for wild shenanigans :>

Ticci Toby

Oh boy

He is the same

Together, y’all are chaotic af

The creeps know not to leave you unsupervised because shit will go down

The utmost chaotic duo in need of constant watching over & patching up ngl 😅

Seriously, the others are damn near always worried about babysitting you two because you’re both danger magnets

And it doesn’t help that Toby has no concept of danger and/or pain

He’ll try to be super sympathetic if/when you do get injured, but poor boy will be clueless af as to how to help

So more often than not, he’ll end up using himself as a human shield to protect you from danger to make up for it

Either way, y’all get into so much shit, it’s unbelievable

Kinda perfect together but like,, in the worst of ways lmfaooo

[idealnreal]

Please overanalyze the shadows in his palace I am begging you.

@appleyjuiceboy​ / jester owns my braincells of course i would do this for u

Okay so i think its best if i go about the order of shadows we meet in the game so. I’m not going to go into the persona/shadows in maruki’s palace. I’ll leave that for some other day. Now! Lets hope i can remain fully coherent.

1) The fluffy haired noodle shadow we meet for (ka)sumi’s awakening

First off, look at the design of this shadow--it has the fluffy hair parted to the right like maruki, its androgynous figure, and that swirly face mask as well! The mask has two eyes, and it even looks like theres a smile there, lopsided. 

We have never seen any other palace shadow taking a similar shape as the palace ruler (except maybe the yaldaboath palace). Shadows are meant to emulate what the ruler thinks of as protectors of their heart. Maruki doesn’t trust anyone other than himself with this secret. And particularly at this phase of his distortion -- there are no scientists, to attendants, no patients. Just an empty, beautiful palace -- with possibly only one type of shadow and protector. The type that represents himself. 

(Also androgynous/nb maruki confirmed ?? yes)

Okay then lets look at what this shadow says to Kasumi.

Shadow: ... Heresy. You dare to spurn our lord’s mercy. Accept yourself... Our lord laments the foolishness birthed from your pain.

Having the context that Kasumi is Sumire here ... Because this scene comes about because Kasumi sees a cognitive version of herself (Sumire) blaming herself -- and so, a part of her is probably trying to remember that she is Sumire. Thus ‘spurn(ing) our lord’s mercy’. And yeah accepting herself as Kasumi instead of trying to remember that she is Sumire. 

But most important is the fact that Maruki’s palace shadows refer to him as a religious or god-like being (’our lord’s mercy’ calling back christian themes). Someone who is merciful and, most of all, does feel grief over one’s pain. Painting an ideal picture of a loving and caring god, ala abrahamic religions. This is a running theme with all the shadow’s dialogs. Let’s put a pin in this for now. 

These design shadows are seen again later in the container room of the palace. They’re slightly faster. The container room is a strange one -- because it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the laboratory/hospital/garden of eden thing going on.  While yes labs and hospitals do have storage areas, i cant imagine them being a container warehouse like this. I do headcanon that this is a storage area for the pain and suffering that Maruki has taken on from other people in order to heal them, due to his hyper empathy -- but i’ll analyse the room some other time. For now it’s interesting that the Maruki-like shadows are now relegated to this specific and really dark section of the palace.

Like the throne room/centre of eden that the Maruki boss fight takes place in -- He resigns himself to the darker gloomier parts of his palace. And the same goes for these shadows. This is where he belongs. 

Also abso-fucking-lutely we’re going to talk about how this shadow transforms when it ambushes you:

Skin suit opening up to reveal fangs and rows of teeth, and a formless monster inside. Maruki ... dude ... are you okay? If these shadows are meant to emulate him -- is this how he sees himself sometimes? HHh boy...

2) First lab coat wearing shadow at the start of his palace investigation

Prior to this, while we understood that Maruki was a researcher, it was never a defining feature of him. Like the first thing that came to my mind on Maruki was that he was just the school counsellor and snack purveyor. Now this entire researcher, scientist, side of him is in full display. And this is the most common type of shadow we see, some which are violent, and others are non violent. Maruki sees scientists as the main residents of his palace -- his drive towards investigation and discovery, to puzzling out the intricacies of the human heart, human mind, and human pain. To better further his ability to heal. But there’s also a sort of cold, methodical nature to these scientists. Their ‘healing’ is methodical, based in science.

This coupled with the religious reverence and ideology that their dialog suggests, is a nice contrast. Experiments, data, research, are people’s salvation. Not the simple belief of a deity or of a higher purpose -- but science. Science, in many ways, becomes part and parcel of their religious belief.

Shadow: Those guises ... You aren’t among those who desire salvation. Leave. You are unwanted intruders. Do not disturb our lord’s research-- this world’s salvation. Why do you willingly strive for self-suffering? Why are you reaching out to your own pain?

So here -- the shadow wants them to leave the palace well enough alone. To leave Maruki to his research, and to allow this reality to exist. They don’t want this to end violently and it seems like they’re okay with the trio not ‘desiring salvation’. And when the trio refuse to leave, the shadow asks them why they want to suffer. It’s something inconceivable to them. Maybe even challenging their resolve-- to reconsider their current path, which will only lead to more pain. Also ‘salvation’, ding, on the christian theme counter. Deliverance from above from sin, even redemption. Not for one person, but for the whole world. 

We see this type of shadow again before the scene in the auditorium. 

Shadow: You are misguided. Do not search for pain. Only tragedy awaits you beyond here. [After defeating it] Such a fool, rejecting our lord’s mercy. In that case -- witness it for yourself.

Same themes. Delicious. Lets move on now shall we.

3) Hastur -- the shadow that appears with Maruki at his reveal as his second-in-command / bodyguard

I don’t think i’ve talked about how much i love the lopsided smiles on these masks. Because i love it. it’s just the right amount of unsettling and creepy. fUCk. And the twitching, twisting, and the weeping blue paint that Hastur’s shadow form does before transforming is /chefs kiss. I wanted more.

Anyway, onto Hastur’s design. Not a labcoat this time, just an ordinary looking white suit with no tie. This is the only time we see Maruki have a bodyguard shadow -- something else he relies on. Hastur’s presence in this scene only shows how deeply afraid and uncomfortable Maruki actually is with intruders in his palace. This experience is a reminder that someone had come into Rumi’s parents house to kill him years ago (a theory for another time). Like that incident years ago, he doesn’t resort to violence here -- he did and does try to negotiate. But when that didn’t work, at least now he has something that can fight for him. 

( It is only in the second infiltration when we see Maruki actually take a more active role -- but I won’t get to that here. )

Hastur: Stubborn imbeciles, rejecting our lord ...

There is a running theme here, unfortunately. The shadows again cannot comprehend why anyone would choose to reject Maruki’s salvation, why anyone would choose suffering. And words like ‘foolish’ ‘misguided’ and finally ‘imbeciles’ here are all used to describe those who choose to reject it. While i do think Maruki only bends reality if the person wishes it (subconsciously or consciously), and does accept that there are people who won’t accept their wishes being granted and is aware of the reasons why-- He cannot fully understand or emphatise with it. 

4) These deformed Maruki-like shadows guarding the control room

Jesus christ above, i don’t like these, because they contrast with all other designs as these are more brutish and deformed. There’s used as gatekeepers at certain points of the palace, in the first control room, and later on in the brain-pod-room (my brain cells are stopping to work now excuse me) before the garden puzzle portion, at his final will seed and the entrance to the garden of eden.

We know Maruki isn’t a brute strength kinda person. And yet we see these few who’s only purpose is to defend certain things and areas with force. Its uncharacteristic, but at the same time, given the things that these shadows are defending -- it makes sense. No cunning, no wit, no negotiation, no compassion -- just forcefully defending very important parts of his heart and his work. 

Shadow (at the control room): So you dare defy His Excellency. You shall not interfere with our master’s work!

Shadow (brainwash room): Foolish rebels! You won’t take one step past here!

Shadow (entrance to garden of eden) : You?! I can’t believe you’ve made it so far ...

I had to do a double take on this. I think this is the only time this title ��His Excellency’ has been used in the palace. While it is used for catholic bishops and that sort -- its mostly used in the context of heads of state, ambassadors-- more secular roles. The other times this shadow speaks is also similarly less reverent, less religious orientated. Of course this makes sense if the only function of these shadows is to use force to defend. They’re not the scientists or the first maruki-imitation shadows -- they’re not as devoted, and they dont have to be. 

5) Finally, these limbless noodles

This one is found during the horticulture portion of the palace. I can’t exactly figure out why. And as far as i can tell, they only appear in this portion of the palace.

As far as the design goes -- these are probably the most unhuman like. Slender, androgynous with only a mask. I’ve got nothing. Braincells ran out. Sorry!

(Haha androgynous maruki go brr)

SO! That’s it. thanks for coming to my ted talk and following me down this rabbit hole. I need to go and drink some fuckin tea. 

[ephemeralstark]

Let This Moment Be the First Chapter

by @ephemeralstark for @where-rmysocks for the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: T

Relationships: Tony Stark & Peter Parker 

Characters: Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Pepper Potts, Happy Hogan

Summary: Peter Parker: intern, Spider-Man, has never met Tony Stark in his life.

Tony Stark: has to do a speech at Midtown, knocks a bully down a peg or two, almost gets shot but is saved by...his intern?

Note: so I kinda combined two of the prompts and I hope you enjoy ahhh!! 

Click Read More! or read here on ao3 

“This is such a waste of time,” Tony grumbled as he shrugged on his suit jacket, glancing out of the corner of his eye to see if Pepper was paying any attention to his dramatics – she wasn’t. “This is a school, and it’s going to be full of greasy, sweaty children who care about nothing more than who’s dating who and where they stand in the popularity ranks.”

“You were a kid once,” Pepper said, “were you like that?”

“Yes!” Tony said sounding exasperated, “Pep, I was exactly like that, I mean I was a genius of course, but I was still a stinky, greasy teen.”

“You need more interns and college students are great, but your image would be much better if you were showing an interest in the youth of America.” Pepper said, still not glancing up from her phone as she arranged Tony’s security detail for the day. “An internship with you could help these kids nail a scholarship or give them an edge over their competitors, and we need their knowledge to get an edge on our competitors.”

“Yeah, obviously, but Midtown?” Tony asked.

Pepper sighed and finally graced him with a stare of utter disbelief, “Tony, you have an intern who goes to school there.”

“I do?”

“Yes. Peter Parker, he’s fifteen, straight A student, has an interest in his extra-curriculars and he’s on his decathlon team.” Pepper said.

“How do you know all of that?” Tony asked.

“Because we moved him to R&D.” Pepper said. “Because he’s one of the best interns you’ve ever had and because he’s the kid you should want to keep, you need a brain like his – treat him well and he’ll take this company far.”

“You’re already organising my next in line?” Tony asked, arching an eyebrow at her. “Shouldn’t that be our kid?”

“We don’t have a kid.”

“Not yet.”

“Peter Parker.” Pepper repeated, placing a folder in Tony’s hands and ignoring his muttered ‘I don’t like to be handed things’.

Tony continued to grumble as Happy appeared and said the car was ready. He continued to grumble as they drove to the stupid school, and he even grumbled as he was surrounded by a rather impressive security team.

In fact, he didn’t stop until he was standing in the principal’s office. He paced back and forth as he listened to Principal Morita talk about how proud they were to have him there speaking to their students. It was the usual bootlicking, annoying speech that everyone gave – hoping to stroke his ego and get their school put up on a higher pedestal than all of the others, so Tony zoned out, that was until-

“I don’t mean to alarm you, but there is a certain student here,” Principal Morita said carefully, as though he was unsure how to word things, “he’s been through a lot, he was orphaned, his uncle died a few months ago, so it’s normal that he would act out a little-”

“Is he a threat?” Happy interrupted, hand resting casually on top of his suit jacket, but Tony knew full well what sort of weaponry lay underneath. He wanted to snap at Happy not to pull a weapon out in a goddamn school but thankfully he was beaten to it.

“No.” Principal Morita said quickly, “no, no, no, no threats here. It’s just he’s been making up some lies, he was caught talking about an internship with his friends – an internship with you that is.”

“Oh,” Tony muttered, rolling his eyes, before remembering that Pepper had mentioned they had an intern who went to school here, he hoped that no one was giving his intern any stick, “what’s the kid’s name?”

“Sorry?” Principal Morita asked, Tony wondered whether it was just the other school kids who were giving that kid a hard time, he really hoped that the teachers weren’t joining in too – especially if the story about his uncle only having passed away a few months ago was true.

“The kid who claims to be my intern, what’s his name?”

“Peter.”

“Oh Parker.” Tony said. “Yeah, that kid works for my company, in fact I was considering turning his internship into a paid one – he’s a great kid.”

Principal Morita seemed to turn a strange grey colour.  

“You wouldn’t have given him any, I don’t know, detentions, would you?” Tony asked, eyes narrowing, “nothing that would go on his permanent record?”

“I’ll remove them instantly.” Principal Morita said, and Tony was satisfied to see a guilty look appear on the man’s face.

He wanted to plough on and make the man feel as shit as that kid had probably felt for being punished for a completely unfair reason, but a small throat clear from Happy convinced him to move on. He knew the security detail was anxious about the length of time he would be in the school and he wasn’t supposed to be dragging it out any further. He didn’t want to create more of a risk than there already was.

“Shall we then?” Tony asked.

Principal Morita seemed to remember the reason for Tony Stark being in his school, and he instantly jumped to his feet, bumping into his desk and knocking over his pen pot, “yes, yes, yes,” he said as he gathered them back up and made his way to the door, giving Happy a wide berth.

“The students will already be in the hall now, and I believe some of your bodyguards have taken the liberty to install temporary metal detectors and bag search everyone… thoroughly.” Principal Morita said.

“Standard practise.” Happy grunted.

“Yes, yes, of course, I quite understand.” The man said even though it was clear from the small frown on his face that he most definitely didn’t understand why they had done that.

How could he?

It wasn’t like there were people out for his blood. Well, maybe the odd parent or two, Tony paused thinking about the ruthless parents he’d come across in his time as they tried to convince him that their little cherub was the most important child in the world and should get a Stark Internship because of their family’s status.

Maybe Tony should lend the man his own security detail.

 They walked into the hall and Tony was met with silence, he wasn't sure that he'd ever seen a hall full of students be so quiet, it was rather unnerving - this was all Pepper's fault, she could have done the presentation and offered up the temptation of an internship to the students, she was so much better at public speaking than he was and that was purely because he knew he would drop an 'f' bomb somewhere. He was incapable of not. 

Thankfully the silence didn't last long, and Tony heard the whispers start to break out. 

Tony Stark!

Iron Man! 

Did you hear what The Bugle said about him last month...

My dad said that he once met Iron Man at…

I wish I was his kid, imagine what a life that would be…

Ha, Penis, I bet you're going to be so embarrassed when he exposes you for the fraud you are! Or rather, when he doesn't acknowledge you at all, because why would he? He has no idea who you are. 

Well, that kid sounded like a delight, maybe Tony would prove him wrong - he was obviously talking about the intern that he actually didn't know, but would happily pretend to if it would improve the kid's chances at a peaceful school life. Although, maybe his good intentions would go wrong as the other kids may pretend to be his friend to get closer to Stark Industries, Tony had dealt with that a few times in his life. 

"Alright, alright," Principal Morita said, standing slightly too close to the microphone, a squeal rang out through the hall and the students covered their ears with exclamations of annoyance, "settle down now, if you want to hear what Mr. Stark has to say then you all need to quieten down."

Tony watched as an excited hush fell upon the hall, some of the students looking as though they were minutes away from jumping out of their seats and launching themselves at him. For what reason though, he was unsure. 

"Now, I know this week has been long and difficult," Principal Morita said, "between the tests and presentations you've all been through, you've all done remarkably well, but now we will finish off our career week with a speech from Tony Stark, owner of Stark Industries. Over to you, Mr. Stark."

Principal Morita stepped back, leaving Tony to wonder what the hell sort of tests a school could be giving to its students during a career week - back in his day they had been the perfect time for a skive, and yet all of the students he was looking at had bags under their eyes and tired shadows on their faces. School had definitely changed from his time. 

"Thank you Principal," Tony said politely, Pepper would be proud of him, "now, I know that you've probably had some great speeches this week, they have most likely inspired and motivated you all to look into the careers that are available to you and maybe some of you have already decided what path you would like to pursue - my speech will be nothing like those."

Tony paused while a few students laughed. 

"I'm not known for being a perfect person, I've messed up in the past, I've had my fair share of scandals, but what no paper can say about me is that I don't know how to run a business - because I do," Tony said confidently, "I haven't created a worldwide brand out of my name for no reason - Stark Industries has changed the way we look at energy, we've changed the face of clean energy and we've adjusted all of our practices in the workplace to leave as little a carbon footprint as possible.

"You may be thinking, 'why? What's the point in that?' well, I'll tell you what the point is - we are trying to improve the environment and improve the way we view the world."

He noticed a few confused glances - they were probably wondering why Tony Stark was lecturing them on clean energy, after all he hadn't managed to fully get rid of the image of being a weapons producer yet, he was still viewed as that person even though he'd made a pretty big deal about removing himself from the market. 

"I know, I know, what's the point of all of this?" Tony asked. "Why should you guys care what Stark Industries is doing to fix the world? Well, we've started employing interns to help us, we were employing college age students, but now we're reaching out to school kids. We want to pick your brains and figure out what you’re doing in your day to day life and figure out how we can use our technology to improve efficiency and reduce negative impacts on the environment." 

A hand popped up.

"Yes?" 

"So, you don't already have any school kids as interns?" A kid asked, and Tony recognised that voice as the one that had been calling the other kid 'Penis' earlier – likely the main bully of the kid that was his intern. 

"Well, we have one that goes to this school," Tony said casually, grinning internally when the kid who had asked the question paled, "he's the reason I'm doing this speech here, in fact, because he's doing such a great job at his internship that me and my fiancé - Pepper - figured that we may as well try and get some more interns with a similar mentality as what he has, and where better than the place where he was taught, where his friends are."

Tony watched as the kid gaped at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish - before he drove the final blow home. 

"In fact, he doesn't know this yet, but he's going to have a final say on who we take on as new interns." Tony said. "We will do the shortlisting and then once we're down to five potential candidates we'll ask him who should get the job."

"B-but-" the kid stammered.

"Yes?" Tony asked. 

"What if he's biased and chooses a friend?" 

"Well if that friend has made it to the final five then they probably deserve the position." Tony said with a shrug. "So long as you're not bothering him, I don't think you should need to worry."

Tony realised that he had spent the whole time talking about the kid without even knowing which one he was, that and he'd made plans for the kid's future at the internship without actually making sure that he was alright with them. 

"Anyway, now that we've addressed all of that; Peter Parker - can you come forward please?" Tony asked. 

He scanned the students from behind his sunglasses, pleased that they would stop the rest of the hall from seeing that he had no idea who he was actually looking for. There was a small commotion somewhere behind the kid who had asked the question - the bratty bully - and a short kid with curly hair was pushed up to his feet by an unimpressed looking girl. 

The kid was wearing a dorky T-Shirt with a science pun on it, he looked as though he was about to faint or run away and Tony wasn't sure which option would be the least embarrassing for them both. 

"C'mon up here Pete." Tony said. 

Peter apprehensively made his way up to Tony and stood a few metres away, casting side glances at the older man every now and then before returning his gaze to the floor. 

"This is Peter," Tony said, "I'm sure you know him, probably better than I do, although I doubt you guys have had to deal with him stealing the last slice of pepperoni pizza and leaving you with the Hawaiian like a heathen." 

Peter frowned as though he was wondering himself if that was something that had actually happened, or maybe he was offended at the insinuation that he didn't like pineapple on pizza - Tony wasn't sure and he wasn't convinced that he would want to know the reasoning behind it. 

Pepper would have been better off doing this presentation - she wouldn't have hijacked it to prove a point to a stupid school bully. Why couldn't Tony just follow simple instructions? Give a speech, grab an iced coffee, go home. It would have been so much easier. 

It turned out that Tony's decision to prove a point to a bully would save his life as four things happened in rapid succession. 

Peter's head snapped up and he stared at Tony with a look of horror that sent fear spiralling through Tony's stomach. 

A window shattered above them. 

Tony was shoved to the ground by a force that he would have likened to that of being hit by a car. 

A bullet imbedded itself into the wall just behind where Tony's head had been. 

It was impossible. Peter had moved faster than the bullet, he had known where it had been intending to hit, but there had been no laser, no inclination that there was a gun on him, nothing - so how had Peter known? He couldn't have been behind the plot to kill him as he wouldn't have bothered to push him out of the way. Not only had he saved Tony, but he'd done it with such a strength that it made him suspicious. 

"Kid?" Tony asked, looking at the child who was staring wide eyed at the hole in the wall. "Are you alright?" 

"I- uh- yeah?" The kid muttered, making Tony keenly aware that he was not ok in the slightest. 

Tony tried to push himself up but he found that Peter's hand was stuck to his suck jacket...but... his hand wasn't closed around the fabric - it was open, his palm was sticking as though there was glue or something on it, but that was impossible. People couldn't just stick to things, not unless they were- oh. 

He was sticky. He had sensed the bullet coming. He moved faster than humanly possible. He was stronger than an average person. 

The kid was Spider-Man. 

"Come on kid, unstick yourself, people will notice." Tony murmured quietly, tugging on his suit jacket slightly to try and catch the kid’s attention again.

"I-" Peter's gaze shifted from the hole in the wall to his own hand and he stared at it as though it had betrayed him. He pulled it back to his own chest as though it had never been stuck in the first place. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok," Tony said, "I don't think anyone else noticed." 

"Noticed what?" The kid said, as though he had any chance of denying the obvious. 

"Tony!" Happy was there in an instant and they were surrounded by his security detail - it was like a wall between them and the outside world. "Are you alright? Did they get you anywhere?" 

"No, the kid was in the right place at the right time apparently." Tony said. 

"Should we be suspicious?" Happy asked, obviously wondering if it was more than a coincidence that Peter was there when he was needed.

"No." Tony said surely, feeling a headache forming behind his eyes from the stress of the near-death experience and the screaming of the students in the hall.

“This was meant to be cool.” Peter mumbled, a distinct whine in his voice, Tony was sure that he wasn’t meant to hear it.

“Happy, get us out of here.” Tony said. “The kid is coming back with us.”

And that was how Tony found himself standing in the middle of his workshop with a defensive kid sat on one of the workbenches both of them sipping sugary mugs of cocoa – to help with the shock of the day - as they watched a video of Spider-Man swinging in front of a bus and stopping it with his hands. 

"That's you." Tony stated. 

"No, it's not." Peter lied. 

"Yes. It is." 

"If you already know then why are you doing this?" Peter asked cocking his head in a mix of confusion and irritation. 

"You saved my life." Tony said. 

"So you're going to what? Expose my identity in thanks?" 

"Are you always so sarcastic?" Tony wondered. 

"What are you doing?" Peter asked, narrowing his eyes. 

"For the last four months I've been keeping tabs on the Spider-Man, trying to figure out his motives, see if he's a threat - the usual shebang, you know?" Tony asked, Peter didn't answer but that had been expected. "And then I learn that it’s you, you're the Spider-Kid, why do you do it?"

"Do I need to have a reason?" Peter asked. 

"Everyone has a reason for doing things, sometimes we don't know our reasons, but we always have them." Tony said. 

"So maybe I don't know why I do it." 

"That's a lie," Tony said instantly, "come on kid, cut the bullshit, why do you do it?"

"Why did you point me out in the assembly today even though you’ve never met me before and you had no idea who I was before today?"

"I heard that kid calling you... names earlier and your principal had warned me that there was a kid that was lying about working for me." Tony admitted. 

Peter snorted, "figures he wouldn't believe me either, but what you're saying is that you did it because you felt like sticking up for the little guy?"

"That's why your Spider-Kid isn't it?" Tony asked, knowing that he was right. "You know that most heroes are fighting the bigger threats to the world as we know it, and no one is stopping the petty crimes that are happening close to home."

"I wouldn't call assault a petty crime." Peter said. 

"Fair, that was poor word choice." Tony conceded. 

"But, yeah," Peter said with a sigh, "I'm looking out for the little guy."

"What motivates you to do that?" Tony asked.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked with a small frown.

"I mean what makes you put on that onesie and jump around Queens saving people and bicycles?" Tony asked, feeling bad for phrasing it like that when Peter flushed bright red and looked away. 

"It's not a onesie." He muttered. 

"It isn't?" 

"I did my best to modify some old pyjamas and a hoodie," Peter admitted, "I wasn't all that great at sewing so it was the best that I could do."

"I mean all things considered, it's not the worst." Tony said graciously. "But come on, what motivates you?"

"You're not going to let this go are you?" Peter asked. 

"Come on Kiddo, I'm Tony Stark, I don't let anything go." Tony said with an eye roll. 

"Fine," Peter said with a weary sigh that almost made Tony wish he could turn back time and forget to ask the question. Almost. He was also very curious, "I guess I figured that when you can do the things that I can, when you have the ability to save people, and you don't, aren't you partially responsible?" 

"You think you have a duty to protect the people in your neighbourhood?" 

"I know I do." Peter corrected him. 

"You aren't responsible for the wrongdoings of others." Tony said, hoping that the kid already knew that. 

"Aren't I?" Peter wondered. "If I see someone being mugged, and I don't stop to help them doesn't that make me guilty?"

"I can see what you're saying," Tony admitted, "but where does that responsibility end? How much pressure are you going to put on yourself before you crack?" 

"It's not that bad, I only patrol in Queens, and I do have a life outside of Spider-Man." Peter admitted. 

"Good, because you're young," Tony said, "you can't have the weight of the world on your shoulders." 

The kid glanced away, and Tony wondered if the kid already did. Hadn’t the principal said he’d recently lost his uncle? How and when exactly had that happened?

"Right," Tony continued after sensing that he wouldn't get much more out of Peter on that subject, "now, I don't think anyone noticed your sticky situation-"

"Don't call it that!" Peter insisted, flushing. 

"-but should anyone bring it up I've taken the liberty to put my number in your phone," Tony said, holding out the device.

"When did you even take this?" Peter wondered. 

"So if anyone mentions it, call me," Tony said, ignoring Peter's question, "I have a stack of NDAs already prepared and I can be there in ten minutes with the Iron Man suit."

"You'd do that for me?" Peter asked with wide eyes. 

"Kid, you saved my life," Tony said, "I'm upgrading you to my personal intern and your newest project is to help me design a new Spider-Man suit for you. If I have to fly across the city to protect my intern's identity, then I'll do it in a heartbeat." 

"You mean it?" Peter asked, Tony was almost afraid to say yes because he was worried the kid might burst into tears. 

"Of course I do." 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." Peter rambled as he launched himself at Tony and hugged him tightly for a brief second before backing off with wide eyes as he remembered who it was he was talking to, "ah sorry, I'm sorry, Mr. Stark, I'm just so grateful." 

"Don't stress," Tony said, waving off the apologies, "besides, just wait until Pepper bursts in here."

"Pepper Potts?" Peter asked. 

"Yeah, she can’t wait to thank you for saving my life today." Tony said with a grin. "Don't worry, I didn't tell her your secret but don't expect her not to figure it out, she's a formidable woman with a brain to rival mine." 

"She sounds great." Peter said. 

"I'll remind you that you said that in a few months’ time when she's chasing you off the ceiling with a broom." 

"Mr. Stark, I would never crawl on the ceiling," Peter said with a look of shock, but Tony could have sworn that he heard a whispered, "at least not when you'd see me."

And so, the unknown intern turned into the kid who risked his identity to save Tony's life and in turn would eventually become his prodigy, not that he knew that fact yet - but as they settled down to start sketching out new blueprints for a Spider-Man suit, Tony had a feeling that he could get used to having someone to teach, someone who looked up to him, someone he felt protective over. 

[spell-cleaver]

(Luke Palpatine AU) Since becoming Emperor, Luke had grown accustomed to the fact that people were going to spy on every little thing he did, so when he started watching a holo drama, he knew that it would not last long. What he didn't expect was for Nova to join him.

Previous parts on the masterpost here!

Since becoming Emperor, Luke had grown accustomed to the fact that people were going to spy on every little thing he did, so when he started watching a holo drama, he knew that it would not last long. What he didn’t expect was for Nova to join him.

But there she was sitting next to him, just as swaddled in blankets as he was, the long colo claw fish V— Luke had received the previous night acting as a pillow long enough for both of them to use. The rest of his gifts were snuggled around them on the large sofa as well, and Luke felt so… comfortable, lying atop cuddly toys and watching something pathetic and ridiculous like this, like he was half his age.

When the episode finished, Nova glanced at him. “Do you want to watch the next one?”

Luke blinked. “I can?”

“Of course you can,” she said simply and patiently. “Do you want to?”

He glanced at the holo projector. “It’s not a good show.”

“It’s really not. But it’s fun to watch.”

“And it’s getting late.”

“Yes.”

“And I shouldn’t waste my time on this sort of trash.”

Nova pouted. “That’s your father talking.”

“It’s me talking—”

“C'mon, you’re fourteen. You should be having sleepovers and watching trashy shows until your eyes bleed.” She swatted his arm. “Do you want to watch the next one?”

“I— no,” he decided, getting up. The nexu toy tumbled off his lap and landed on top of the holoprojector, its face being cast into odd, slightly comical shadows by the blue light. “No, I don’t want to.”

Nova said, “Hmmm,” and watched him go.

*

And then the next morning, she said to him, “How many times how you spoken to someone your own age?”

He looked at her. She knew the answer to that. “Zero,” he said.

She wrinkled her nose.

“Well then.” She patted him on the shoulder and walked away. “We should fix that.”

*

“Nova,” Luke said that afternoon, staring at the two teenagers sitting awkwardly on one of the sofas in the entrance chamber to his quarters, as far away from each other as they could get without standing up and being explicitly rude, “what did you do.”

It had to have been her. No one else would’ve done this.

“You said you’d never spoken to someone your own age,” she said cheerfully. Luke flushed berry-red, and hated the look one of the teenagers, a girl dressed in white with a bun of dark braids, gave him at that. It was far too close to pity.

“These two agreed to meet you, and you just have to watch one movie together,” she badgered, taking Luke’s shoulder and steering him closer. He felt like a five year old. “If you decided you all hate each other, then you never have to socialise again, but until then, please give it a chance, Luke.”

She whispered. “It’ll be good for you.”

Luke swallowed tightly, hating the way the two teenagers—likely infinitely cleverer, more socialised, more experienced than him—were gazing at him. It was probably scorn—scorn for the child emperor who couldn’t even talk to his peers—

Then Nova ushered them all into the living room of his quarters and sat them down around the holoprojector. They each took separate chairs or sofas, and Luke was intimately aware of the confused glances his Noghri bodyguards were giving and receiving from the newcomers, but he stubbornly tried not to flush again.

“So, uh,” he said. “I’m Luke.”

“We know,” the girl said.

He nodded. “Right.”

She took pity on him and smiled. “This is Zevulon Veers,” she said, and the other teenager—a tall, dark-haired human—gave her a look.

“I was going to introduce myself, thank you.”

“Well, now you don’t have to.”

“Any relation to General Veers?” Luke asked tentatively.

Zevulon… didn’t frown, but he didn’t smile, either. “My father. I hardly ever see him.”

Ah. If only Luke had had that pleasure with his father, he might not have disappointed him as much.

“I met him yesterday,” he offered. “Apparently Vader roped him into teaching me how to shoot.”

“You don’t know how to shoot?” asked the girl. Her voice was loud, regal, and it brimmed with confidence. Luke felt like a shadow next to her.

“No,” he said tightly. “My training never covered that. But Vader and Nova thought it would be a good thing to learn now.” He decided not to mention the whole fight there’d been about that. “The general was a good teacher.”

Zevulon nodded. “He is. When he’s around.”

“When he’s not off slaughtering people?” the girl chimed in.

Zevulon tensed. “Excuse me?”

“What? He’s a general. That’s what he does.”

“It’s his job, he’s good at it. Doesn’t mean you get to insult him for it.” He bristled. “Who even are you? It’s pretty creepy that you know who I am but never thought to return the—”

“I,” she said, glaring daggers, “am Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.”

Oh.

That made sense—Luke recognised her now. She’d been dragged in front of holocams just as much as he had as a kid.

Zevulon snorted. “Ah. That explains it.”

That was, apparently, the wrong thing to say. She puffed herself up. “And what does that mean?”

“You’re all Rebel sympathisers on Alderaan, aren’t you? No wonder you hate my father.”

“We're—” That seemed to have taken the power out of her engines. She grimaced and said, tensely, “That’s not true, and I never said I hated him—”

“No, you just—”

“Can you two… not fight?” Luke asked. “It’s kinda awkward sitting here watching it.”

Zevulon stopped immediately. Leia’s mouth opened and closed for a moment before she did the same. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

Luke winced. “Don’t do that. Don’t call me Majesty. I’m just Luke.”

The princess actually smiled a little, at that. “And I’m just Leia.”

“I’ve met your father as well,” he said to her, smiling back. “During the talks with the senators. He was nice. Had some good ideas.”

She nodded. “That’s my father.”

He turned his head. “And Zevulon—”

“Zev.” He fidgeted. “While we’re exchanging names, I’m just Zev.”

Luke nodded. “Alright.”

Then he glanced at the holoprojector. “Do either of you know what you want to watch?”

*

“This is stupid,” Leia said, her mouth full of cake. “Monarchies don’t do arranged marriages anymore, that’s archaic.”

“Hey, you’re the one who randomly decided we should introduce Luke to daytime holonet shows. It’s called Crown of Stars, what did you expect it would be like?”

“I have heard of a few arranged marriages in recent years, mainly between magnates and industrial leaders and Moffs and stuff,” Luke admitted, reaching for the tray of food Nova had sent a droid in to deliver for them. The jogan fruit was sweet when he bit into it; juice dribbled down his chin. “But yeah, it’s not that common. And why does she need to marry that guy anyway? His system doesn’t exactly have any resources that her family would exactly need, and they’re on the edge of Wild Space.”

“It’s a holodrama, it’s not meant to be logical!”

Luke shrugged. “Shouldn’t they at least try?”

“They’re more interested in the drama,” Leia said, drawing out the word a tad longer than needed. “To keep their viewers hooked.”

“To keep their viewers confused?”

“That too.”

“Oh stars, the wedding scene.” Zev cringed away. “I can’t watch.”

“Getting invested, Veers?”

“She’s about to marry someone twice her age while her one true love watches in agony! I can’t bear it!”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Then let’s turn it off—”

A pillow smacked her in the face.

“Hey!” She glared at Luke.

“Shhh, it’s getting tense.”

She chucked the pillow back at him. He threw himself against the sofa to dodge it.

“Oh no,” Zev whimpered, peering through his fingers, “he’s gonna kiss her…”

“Wait, look!” Luke leaned forwards. “Is that—? I don’t understand.”

“Shhh, let it finish.”

“The lover burst in and read out a law that declared the marriage illegal,” Leia drawled. “A law which doesn’t exist, by the way—”

“Oh, that’s a sweet ending.” Luke smiled at the projector.

“They’re kissing and riding off into the sunset together, it’s literally the most cliché ending in the galaxy.”

“But it’s sweet.”                            

Leia had to smile when she glanced at the holo again—at the woman’s beaming face.

“Okay,” she admitted, “it is pretty sweet.” She glanced at Luke and Zev, and cackled when she saw they’d both inched their chairs and sofas closer to the holo, as well as closer together. “You sappy romantics.”

The credits began to roll.

Luke glanced at the time. “Uhhh,” he said, “the time Nova said she was going to lock us in for is up. If you don’t want to stay any longer…”

“Are you kicking us out?” Leia asked. Zev looked hurt.

“No! I just thought… if you did want to leave…”

“Well.” Leia grabbed the remote. “He can leave, but I’m not going to go until you’ve been introduced to a holonet show that is actually good. How about—”

“Are you kidding?” Zev burst out. “They haven’t resolved the secret letter arc yet, and the Count is still missing! Luke has to finish watching the series!”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“One against one.” Zev crossed his arms. “You’re a senator, Leia—”

“Aspiring senator, I’m actually an apprentice legislator—”

“—you like voting. Luke gets the deciding vote.”

Luke smiled. “Crown of Stars.”

“No!”

“There’s too many plotlines that haven’t been wrapped up yet!”

Leia glared at Zev. “You’ve ruined his taste forever.”

“Shhh,” Luke said as the theme began to play. “It’s starting.”

Send me the first sentence of a scene from this AU and I’ll continue it!

Beginning | Previous | Next

[undignifiend]

Idiots in a Tiny Kitchen

A scene I wrote forever ago about an ogre character inspired by the World of Darkness setting. Under the cut for the sake of the Dashboard.

+++++

Someone was in his apartment. Brock bit back the urge to growl, and focused on keeping his breath even. Let them think he was still asleep. Whoever it was, they were in the kitchen, opening cabinets and making no effort to keep quiet. Did they even know he was there? Granted, he probably just looked like an abnormally large pile of discarded sheets on the bare mattress in the corner of his tiny 'living room', but shouldn't a burglar be more thorough in scoping out an area before getting to business? Maybe it was an amateur? Carefully twisting out of the sheets, Brock slunk across the carpet, hiding under the kitchen bar. Every footstep and rustle of cloth seemed deafening to him - stealth wasn't his area of expertise, after all. But the intruder didn't seem to notice, obliviously waking the dead as they shuffled through pots, cans, and boxes of pasta. Brock entertained the idea of turning off his Mask. That would be fun. Stupid, but fun. He'd have to kill whoever saw him before rumors could spread, of course. Most humans didn't pay attention to urban legends and lunatics, but hunters did... Hiding the body, or rather the bones, would be a chore. In a pinch, human flesh was a treat, and money was tight enough to pinch pretty hard lately. Waste not, and all that... Serves 'em right for wandering into an ogre's lair. But he rolled his eyes as his more rational side spoke up. He'd already eaten two overconfident hunters since his return from Arcadia. If he ate this burglar, that would make three in three years. Not the best habit to form in a human-dominant territory. Someone would notice a pattern sooner or later. The Courts probably wouldn't care much, but it was something of a faux pas, and the Spring Court might hound him for it. Their whole point was to find ways to adjust to human life and to appreciate the finer things. It was a difficult philosophy to reconcile when one considered human flesh to be one of the finer things... Spring also put a lot of emphasis on aesthetics, and for Brock, that was dangerous. Like most ogres, Brock was a sucker for pretty people. But people were also delicious. He hoped this burglar wasn't attractive. That would be weird. He could just picture the unlucky individual partially tied to a chair while they both awkwardly shared a pot of coffee and sorted out this little mishap. Brock would be up all morning arguing with himself over whether to eat them or try to get their number. Decisions, decisions... Spring had a strong point, though. Most changelings he'd met were human once, including himself. This burglar wasn't doing him any real harm, and Brock was more sentimental than he cared to admit. He decided to let this one off with a warning. That's when he heard the telltale crinkle of a bag of chips, and the crinkling continued as the intruder began to rummage in earnest. They found his stash and most likely understood what it really was. His apartment was otherwise stark and unappealing to any enterprising thief. They knew what they found. Time for a big breakfast. Wisps of Brock's human visage peeled away in dark, airy tendrils and faded into nothing. His clothes, baggy even on his large frame, tightened to conform to his real size as he gained an extra couple feet in height. To anyone who could normally see through his Mask to what he really was, the change in size was all they'd notice. To anyone who couldn't, it was far more dramatic. Tendrils of illusion floated off him, revealing red hide and gold eyes; one in his left socket, and one in the center of his forehead. In his right socket was nothing but a shadow. A pair of horns flanked either side of the third eye, and rows of sharp white fangs peeked from behind his lips. Brock resisted the temptation to sigh and stretch. Taking the Mask off always felt like being freed from shackles, climbing out of a small box, and taking the first breath of fresh air he'd had in ages. He lunged into the kitchen, dominating what little space there was, and seized the intruder from behind, intending to crush the back of their neck in his jaws. But several things occurred to him at once, and he paused as he processed what he was seeing. This person was tiny. Granted, most people were tiny compared to him, but this one couldn't have been over four feet in height. They had been standing on the counter, and now their feet dangled in the air as his huge hands wrapped around their arms and torso. They were completely covered in clothes that were too big for them, save for a sparkling pink Hello Kitty jacket that seemed too tight. Their hood was up, and their sneakers were so comically massive it was a wonder they didn't slip off. Cold horror stabbed Brock in the gut. Was this a kid? Had he almost killed a kid? It was kind of awful, the look of his monstrous, claw-tipped hands juxtaposed with the innocent jacket. Brock never suffered any anxiety or shame over being an ogre, but realizing what he almost did made him queasy. "Close your eyes. Don't move unless I tell you to," Brock warned, his tone authoritative, belying the panic he felt. His Mask took hours to recharge, and now that he turned it off, how was he going to get the kid out of his apartment without being seen for what he really was? Someone might even try to check on him if the kid screamed at the sight of his face. "Ah, shove it," replied a nasally voice. A goblin glared at him from under the little pink hood, his gigantic ears folded within it, and his bushy mustache quivering with nervous outrage. "This is yer own damn fault," he scolded, waving a bag of chips as much as he could with one of his restrained arms. "Hoardin' like this. It's cheatin'." Brock dropped Cornchips the Whiner and staggered back, sagging against the fridge with a mix of irritation and profound relief. "Dammit, Chips! One of these days, I'm gonna eat you! You keep pulling stunts like this, and I can't guarantee it won't be an accident." The goblin dusted himself off and pushed back the hood, his gigantic, pointed ears regaining their natural shape once they had room. "Great. Perfect!" He folded his arms and eyed Brock reproachfully. "On top a' everythin' else, my big, dumbass chump partner tries t' kill me. I should've expected it. Everythin' looks breakable or edible t' yeh ogre types. I coulda kicked yeh awake, but I decided to be thoughtful and let yeh sleep while I cleaned up yer mess! And here's the thanks I get! Now what's the meanin' a' this?" He pointed a little claw up at the cabinet full of chip bags. Brock rolled his eyes. "Kinda hard to get a hold of you in an emergency, Chips. Sometimes that vending machine ritual takes too damn long. So I figure, why not have it prepped? All I gotta do now is this..." Brock snatched the bag of chips out of the goblin's hand, recited the sacred phrase "Shut up and help me, sir," and popped the bag open. Cornchips vanished with a fart, leaving nothing, and in the next instant, furious grumbling could be heard from inside the bag. "Speed-dial summoning," Brock explained smugly, looking into the bag. "Genius, eh?" "Yeh can't do that, yeh butt-wart!" Cornchips jumped out of the bag, defying physics by not ripping it open despite his size, and landing lightly on his huge feet. "That spell's not a damn toy! Every time you delay it, I get this itch! And you got bleedin' near seventeen a' them spells in that cabinet ready to go at any second! Everyone thinks I have fleas now! Yeh can't get a date when yeh got fleas! No one understands how hard my life is!" Brock's claw-tipped hands were too big, so he held the bag up and shook a few chips into his mouth, crunching on them as he listened. "So it didn't work out with that spider-girl, huh?" Cornchips groaned. "Esther's good wit' her hands, up until she slaps yeh. Wit' all of 'em. I never did anythin' to deserve it. She thought I was chattin' up some pixie, but I swear I was jus' askin' for directions." Brock grimaced. "You can't patronize me, either. It's your job to know your way around." "An' it's your job to make my job easier!" Cornchips pointed at the cabinet he couldn't reach. "Now get rid a' them things before I burn the place down, an' listen up! I didn' jus' come here t' set yeh straight. Yeh got a big job ahead. Orders from Naomi herself." The silence that followed weighed on Brock. He was grateful he didn't do something embarrassing like choke, but he still had trouble deciding how to take this news. "Herself? She didn't send no one?" "Did I stucking futter?" Cornchips demanded, fists on his hips. "Yeah! I'm important enough t' talk to!" Brock frowned. "What does she want us to do? Steal the Queen's purse?" "Naw..." How Cornchips managed to look so smug with that mustache, Brock could only guess. "Babysittin', more like." When he didn't elaborate, Brock's chest rumbled in an uncomfortable growl. "Out with it." "Let me savor this. I like watchin' yeh suffer." Brock dropped the bag and grabbed Chips by the front of his pink jacket, pulling him face to murderous face. "Okay, okay!" the goblin flailed. "Naomi rescued another one from Arcadia, alright? She can't trust the Courts wit' this - she's got too many enemies, even there. You gotta play mentor and bodyguard for this kid - jus' fer a while." "What makes her think they'll be safe with me?" Brock asked, gesturing with his free hand to the whole apartment. "You broke in without me noticing." "I'm the only other one who knows about this," Cornchips swore. "An' yer a lowly grunt, Brock. No one'll think t' connect you with someone as important as Naomi's own kid." Brock released Cornchips with nerveless fingers as a new, uncomfortable facet of the Universe fell into place in his mind. Landing on his feet seemed to help Cornchips recollect his composure, and his posture exuded a kind of sadistic delight. "Don't worry, buddy," the goblin grinned. "Naomi's one a' Winter's top assassins, after all. If yeh fuck this up, yeh won't have t' regret it fer long."

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

My Friend Emmett Kelly

Summary: Eddie pulled away and looked off into that bright orange sky. “I miss them.” He frowned as he started walking up to a dead freight car. Mike followed and accepted the helping hand of his friend when it was apparently came time to hop inside and sat at the edge. “I miss them and I couldn’t even remember them a few days ago.”

{IT happened but these 3 idiots meet-up before the 2nd showdown w/ Pennywise. They’re about 28 in this story}

By the way, just in case you don't know: Emmett Kelly was a circus performer, who created the clown character "Weary Willie", based on the hobos of the Depression era :)

{She doesn’t care but I dedicate this to the #1 Emmett Kelly fan @m-o-o-n-thatspellsblog ;) !!}

Words: 5,184

Ship: Reddie, 

“No one wants to ride and train when they can just jump in a Ford and go.”

The Hitchhiker came and went through the bloodied recesses of Edward Kaspbrak’s mind often. He would repeat old time-y sentiments that were not necessarily blatant horror, sentences Eddie could take as calmly as a pill only a little too thick to swallow on the first try. But they were the kind of words that ripped another stringy clot of skin from the wound that the first had created.

Sometimes,The Hitchhiker would open his mouth to a gentle ‘O’ and out would pour the sounds of an old radio trying to tune itself to a station. Static would salt out of his painted lips before landing on something like Roger Miller singing ‘King of The Road’.

“Third boxcar, midnight train, destination Bangor, Maine Old worn-out suits and shoes I don't pay no union dues...”

Though The Hitchhiker hadn’t started doing that until he tunneled his way out of Eddie’s mind and bled into the real world. But there was also the likely possibility that Eddie had manifested the character into the air by building him a subconscious bridge.

The train-yard in Derry, Maine was the first place that he saw his little friend slinking around a plain of existence that Eddie hadn’t made-up.

It was late-afternoon with the company of a low-hanging sun and nice screeches coming from under the wheels of great long freight trains. Passenger trains long since halted their run in the town. But the freights were loaded with goods to bring into places to the north and to the south. His favorites used to be the ones which had gleaming Fords and Chevies because it had been a real dream of his childhood to own a car like those.

His little hitchhiking friend must have known of this affection for the yard because that afternoon, when he was back in his hometown to watch over his sick mother, the sad man was just sitting on a paused freight.

His eyebrows frozen in what looked to be an upward quiver and lived under a flat little brown hat. A shadow of paint took over his chin like a beard and made the white around his lips truly stand out. But most notably, a ball of red sat in place of his nose.

Eddie recognized the familiarity of the man in an instant. For he...was what Eddie had begun to associate with patterned, fuzzy memories that sometimes came back into his head. They were never complete nor useful, just sentences that could be a mighty pain to that first wound. But the man on the freight was the image they were almost always voiced from.

In an old worn out suit, lived an Emmett Kelly looking clown who sometimes appeared to Eddie in passing thought. Of course, he was never quite sure why he’d first began to associate a clown with old childhood memories but it never much bothered him until he set foot back into Derry.

And in that moment, as he sat on the train with a clutched fist around a small sack, the Kelly lookalike seemed so real.

The man turned to Eddie and spoke one of those charmed little sentences but this time, he had his very own voice because there was the absence of him being trapped in Eddie’s own internal narrative. “No one wants to ride and train when they can just jump in a Ford and go.”

That had been his mother. Sonia. Eddie was sure that she had once said something of that sort to him when he asked about the trains that ran through town. It was a plain sort of comment she’d thrown into her little story but nonetheless, it had pained the boy in that childhood memory who adored trains for whatever odd reason. 

Emmett, Eddie supposed he could refer to him as such, reached out a hand which poked out from the boxcar. Eddie flinched in some sort of sweaty fear but calmed slightly when he realized he had only been pointing to a crate sitting in the cinders. 

Eddie was sort of paralyzed with either fear or shock but decided to take a peek when Emmett covered his eyes in a playful manner. As if to say ‘Hey! I’ll look away, if you want’!

So Eddie tipped his body and took a small, gentle peek into the crate that was clicking around and caught sight of something eerily familiar. Slithering and crawling inside were 4 lobsters. Printed across the side of the box in faded yellow paint were the words; ‘Take em’ home to yer mum’. 

“Oh, Fuck off” He shook his head and stepped back to his original spot. His memories of the early days had begun to clear up ever since he returned to Derry some days ago and if he recalled right, this had once happened to him before...in a different way. 

When he glanced back to the train, Emmett had disappeared altogether. 

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four days later, Eddie decided to sort out all the closets and his old bedroom for any hidden treasures or shit to just jog his memory. He ran into an old looking photo-book and some old books he decided to bring to the library because he doubted his mother would ever miss them. 

Plus, it was a good excuse to leave the old home. So Eddie took a nice mid-afternoon stroll through Derry with the small box of books under his arm. 

He went through the train-yard, walking along track 4 and browsing that old photo-book. He glanced up every few minutes but never once did he catch a glimpse of his Hitchhiker Emmett. 

It was strange...that kind of fear that his little Hitchhiker caused him now. Bouncing from mind to reality like that and something about clowns absolutely terrified him lately. A fear that, he again didn’t notice until returning to Derry. 

The air smelled strongly of dark brown perfume and mild touches of wet autumn leaves as Eddie moved back towards the main street. He found the library in mere seconds and attempted to balance the box and the photo-book underneath it as he took the stairs and strolled inside. 

His forearms itched, that dirty itch, when he set the box onto the main counter. Which felt like bugs had crawled under his skin and were now making themselves comfortable.

“You wanna donate these or-...?” 

Eddie glanced up when the man didn’t finish his sentence and found a nice looking dude looking completely wrecked with shock. 

Little Emmett Kelly was back in his mind, opening his mouth and tuning it specifically to a song...“Like the pine trees linin' the windin' road I've got a name, I've got a name...”

“Mike-...Mike Hanlon?” Eddie heard himself say out-loud before he truly could place him. But when the man smiled back at him, wide and lovingly, he found his place and Emmett smiled too before the image left his mind. 

“Eddie Kaspbrak!” Mike reached out for a hug that felt amazingly soft. Eddie melted into him like butter...and kinda like a man about to breakdown and cry. But the long lost pal just tightened his arms around him and sighed with something like relief and pride. 

‘Long lost pal...that reminds me of a song...�� Eddie paused to think. ‘Something another friend used to sing-’

Emmett reappeared in his mind’s eye for a brief second and used his magic mouth-radio to play just what he was looking for. 

“If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al...”

Eddie nodded to himself and pulled away from Mike even though he desperately didn’t want to move an inch. 

The man before him was so obviously placed now that Eddie couldn’t believe he’d forgotten. He was just as charming, handsome and grounded as he was in their childhood days. Michael Hanlon. 1 of 7.  : : : : :

Before Eddie could stop himself and maybe be polite enough to leave Mike to his work, he had begged him to come walking with him. He hadn’t felt that deeply connected to anyone in many years so he planned to enjoy it while he had the time. It sucked that the catch-up had to take place in Derry, of all places, but it was a town that would live in each of them for as long as they lived even if they forgot for a while. ‘How fucked was that?’

That photo-book now curled up in his fist. He took Mike back by the train-yard and the two strolled down track 4 while the sun bathed them both in colors deserving of Summer even though it was mid-fall. 

“And I suppose...once you leave, you’ll memory will fade again.” Mike finished his long story of their fucking shitty childhood nightmare which seemed to drag Eddie down like the thick filmy sweat that use to coat his body after a long summers day in the Barrens, the one that made him realize that day was over. 

“I’ve been seeing a clown-...”

Mike snapped his eyes directly to Eddie’s, they were filled with dreaded fear. 

“No-...It’s not like that...” Eddie couldn’t really explain himself because he wasn’t sure if it really made sense out-loud. “It’s this character that I sorta created a few years back, the angel and devil on my shoulder or something.” Eddie scratched behind his ear and Mike hopped off the rail and strolled closer.

“When memories pop into my brain or weird shit that I can’t place, it speaks through him in my head. Which is fucked-up I guess but I didn’t really give a shit about it before. I just thought it was something I did, y’know? He was a train-hopper kinda...dude. Which I always liked but now...”

Mike pulled Eddie’s sleeve just to let him know he was safe to speak. 

“Mike, he scares the shit outta me. Not because he’s doing anything scary. But when I got to Derry and started feeling things the way I used to...Clowns just didn’t fucking sit right with me-” 

Eddie broke into a loud laugh which Mike had to join in because their lives were too fucking weird. 

“One time, I was driving this client of mine, right?” Eddie bumped their arms together and laughed. “And my little Hitchhiker popped into my brain when a really good song was on-...‘Roll Me Away’ Bob Seger, I think...-and in a clear impression of Richie Tozier, which I now recognize and can place as I’m telling you this, he said ‘Life is just what happens in between long drives.’.”

Eddie sighed like he couldn’t believe his own words. “That’s what Emmett does. He repeats things like that to me...like a moment’s reminder not strong enough for me to keep remembering but strong enough to deepen a wound I didn’t know I had.” 

His eyes were watery when he turned back to Mike, which he didn’t realize was breaking Mike’s heart a little. “Emmett?”

“Oh, That’s what I call him. Because he isn’t a Bozo kinda clown...looks more like an Emmett Kelly, you know him?” Eddie asked and suddenly pulled out an inhaler to suck on which sent Mike back some years ago. “Anyway, I think Richie told me that once when I got my license and drove him to a K-Mart one town over.” Eddie giggled. 

Mike smiled with a touch of sadness that now broke Eddie’s heart. “If there’s anything I learn from staying here in Derry, Eddie, it’s that you can’t live your todays being scared to wake up for the tomorrows.” Mike gently put his arm around him and squeezed. “It’s not a good way to live and...” He looked to him with warm eyes. 

“If there’s no reason to, don’t start convincing yourself to be scared of your Hitchhiker. We all got our angels and devils on our old shoulders. And don’t let the memories of...IT...-” Mike hesitated before he said that “Overwhelm you. No use in giving it a thought unless there should come a day when we have to.” Mike added that with a look of sorrow but found the joy to smile again. 

“I should live by those words, Mike.” Eddie shook his finger and repeated them in his head, like a mantra. ‘You can’t live your todays being scared to wake up for the tomorrows.’ 

He thought upon all those horrible nights spent wide awake and being scared of how many times he might lose his breath the next day. Clutching his inhaler like an anxiety filled mess. 

Eddie didn’t notice he’d been anxiously clasping and unclasping his hands until Mike held out his arms for a hug. He fell into Mike’s grip as if the number of years hadn’t actually passed and they were still teenagers who saw each other everyday. Mike rubbed his hand in a circle on his back. “We have to be there for each other...”

Eddie pulled away and looked off into that bright orange sky. “I miss them.” He frowned as he started walking up to a dead freight car. Mike followed and accepted the helping hand of his friend when it was apparently came time to hop inside and sat at the edge. “I miss them and I couldn’t even remember them a few days ago.” 

Mike watched with a tilted chin as Eddie paced the length of the old boxcar in that nervous way he had always approached stress with. It brought a little light into the car, Mike thought. He could only be what the situation handed him in moments like this, where he was pretty vulnerable. And the situation tossed him a memory of joy so he smiled at his friend who’d been young once too despite the speed in which they’d all had to grow up in. “I can’t imagine how you’ve been feeling. Considering you didn’t forget.” Eddie dropped his shoulders and sat back down. 

Mike shrugged like it was no big deal but there was a bit of pain behind his kind eyes that gave him away. 

“I mean...at least we got to forget all that shit and have the luxury of not being aware we had any trauma. What the others made of it, I don’t know but...” He waved his hand out into the air but let it fall. “Well...who’s there for you?” 

Mike’s lips trembled which was strange to see. “I don’t if either of those two options is great, Eddie.” He rolled his lips together when his friend raised his brow. “Remembering our trauma for the six of you is extremely exhausting. But also...forgetting trauma leaves room to pick up unhealthy habits again...” 

Eddie clutched his inhaler and blinked back some stress tears. He looked off towards the middle of the train-yard and found his little hitchhiker in the distant boney and dead grass. Emmett was shaking what looked like his very own inhaler except when he went to suck on it, water squirted out and drenched his face. He frowned and made brief eye-contact before tossing the thing deep into the field, looking betrayed.

‘Yeah’...Eddie decided the Hitchhiker was nothing to be scared of. 

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside. That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive...”  Bruce Springsteen lyrics. That’s what Emmett tuned his good ol’ mouth radio to in Eddie’s dream last night. 

He wasn’t entirely sure what he was aiming for with that but decided it’d be best not to think too hard about it. Instead, Eddie made his mother some breakfast and tried not to self-diagnose the itchy spot on his arm as eczema. 

The bushel of pink-painted roses covering the delicate plate was covered in scrambled eggs and a side of bacon made just for Sonia. 

They say the older you get, the harder it is to forgive & forget. Fixing up moist yellow scrambled eggs...for a mother only surviving on the given notion that her son was too much of a victim to say no...-Eddie was finding that saying to be true. He plopped the mess of food onto the table in front of his mom and remembered something simple. 

Upstairs & and on his wooden bedroom window-sill there was a small carving. Eddie smiled to himself and took of for his room, no matter how his mom complained that they needed to spend actual time together. He just had to see if it was what he thought it was...

Kneeling down, he dragged his finger against the wood he couldn’t see until he felt the markings. He dipped himself to take a peek & found that it was still there, of course. ‘BADLANDS’

The song in which those Bruce Springsteen lyrics had come from. “Holy shit.” Eddie mumbled to himself and slapped the window-sill in pure shock. He laughed to himself, a deep sort of chuckle that may have sounded a little crazy.

Richie Damn Tozier. The memory was getting a little clearer now. 

Fourteen year old Tozier had carved that into the weak wood with the butter knife Eddie had used to spread butter onto his toast that morning. 

The Hitchhiker spoke in Richie’s voice as he reappeared in Eddie’s mind- “I’m tellin’ ya, Eds. You gotta listen to the song, there’s this part that reminds me of you. Listen-....” Emmett paused and instead of continuing with young memory version of Richie reading out the lyrics, he tuned that good ol’ mouth radio and sounded out that specific part. 

“You wake up in the night With a fear so real You spend your life waiting For a moment that just don't come Well don't waste your time waiting” 

Bruce sang out lyrics that eerily reminded Eddie of what Mike had said a few days ago; ‘You can’t live your todays being scared to wake up for the tomorrows.’ 

He really couldn’t blame Richie for associating that lyric with him. Eddie smiled to himself and dragged his thumb across the carving once more before standing. The dork had carved the title in so Eddie wouldn’t forget to listen to it. 

His heart skipped a beat or two and he tried to wrap himself in that happy memory. 

: : : : : : : :

A call came in through Eddie’s cell when the man was showering some two days later and was answered by his loving mother. Sonia picked it up without a moments hesitation because she had as much of a right as her son, after all she had paid for his living for around 17 years. 

“-Is Eddie there, Mrs. Kaspbrak? I have an important message.” 

She paused and glanced up the stairs to listen for a stop in the running water but it was still going off and probably splashing onto the tile because her boy always left a mess in there. “Michael Hanlon, right?” 

“Yes, Ma’am.” 

A small snort escaped her lips because it felt very much like the past when those rowdy kids would ask for him to come play. “What is so important? Don’t you know Eddie is here to take care of his sick mother? Is that not more of an emergency-?”

Sonia was cut off not by Mike but by Eddie who’d suddenly burst down the stairs and snatched the phone out of her hand. “Mike? Sorry, it’s me.” He spared a look to Sonia, who only shook her head and left to lay across the couch in the other room.  “What is it?”

“Nothing bad, actually. I think there’s someone down at the library you’ll want to see again.” 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ED’S!”

“Richie fucking Tozier, what on earth blew you into town?” Eddie jogged towards the main desk and threw his friends a warm grin. 

“More like who on earth blew me into town!” Richie broke into that little chuckle he used to do whenever he was being a little shit. Mike and Eddie only tossed each other annoyed looks and waited for an actual response. “-Yeah, nobody did...ha...Not funny, huh?” He swiped his curled knuckle under his nose and shook his head.  

Mike rolled his eyes fondly and thumped their arms together to urge Richie to spill. “Um, yeah I-” Richie awkwardly began and ran his palms down the legs of his jeans. “I’m just visiting my parents for the weekend. Wentworth is being a little asshole, say’s he wants to redo the living room.” Richie shrugged. “So ma called me to try and y’know, talk him outta it...distract him - which is my talent after all -” He broke for laughter. 

“But my ulterior motive, you ask?” Richie waved his arms and smugly grinned. 

“Oh, tell us!” Mike chirped happily from behind the desk. 

“I want to try and convince ol’ Went to hand over all his old or vintage luggage and suitcases to me, y’know?” He leaned back onto the desk and shrugged. “He’s got tons of nice junk perfect for me stuff my shit into. I just gotta get him to make the big journey to our storage unit place.” He grinned madly. 

“What did you pack your stuff into to get here if you are without that necessity?” Eddie narrowed his eyes and came to stand against the desk, to Mike’s left and Richie to his right. 

Richie waggled his finger and clicked his tongue. “A garbage bag-” 

“Jesus, Richie-”

“What it wasn’t a used garbage bag, Eddie. I have some class.” 

“Yeah, you’re the picture of class. Just drop the C & the L.” Eddie shook his head and feigned his attention elsewhere which always used to annoy his friend. A few seconds of silence passed them. 

“Oh, I’m the ass?”

“Congratulations, you figured out the joke!” Eddie playfully clicked his own tongue and pretended he was more interested in the books stacked just next to his elbow. Richie reached over and smacked his other arm off the counter.

“Don’t start with me Kaspbrak, I can so pick up where we left off back in fifth grade & you stole my Twinkie!” Richie was now trying to smother his laughter and playfully swatting Eddie’s hands.

But his friend paused for a second and turned to Mike. “So, you remember that?” Eddie turned back to Richie. “What else are you remembering?” 

“Oh, the killer fucking clown? Yeah, no - Mike helped catch me up to speed.” Richie stuck his finger out to point at him and laughed but it was not at all happy. It was bitter and miserable which could strike any Loser’s Club member with fear. The three men went quiet again, which the library was probably thankful for. The sour change in the mood easily took them over and kept them from enjoying the nice reunion. “Anyway, why are you in town?” Richie gently tapped Eddie’s hand. 

The strong smell of his mothers perfume suddenly filled Eddie’s nose as he let himself frown. “My mom is sick.” His throat suddenly tightened and he knew it was because the anxiety was trying to worm it’s way into his body again, the subject commonly triggered it. He dragged his pointer finger around in small circles against the cold counter. “It’s nothing serious, I mean I know that but...you know Sonia.” He sighed.

“Boy, do I know your mom!” Richie automatically fell into a joke but realized his mistake when Mike thumped his palm onto the back of his head. 

“She’s really laying the guilt on thick this time.” The misery was clear in his voice and he was kind of embarrassed. “Telling me to move back because she’s very weak-” He rolled his eyes “Your father was sick, Eddie-bear. I took care of him just as I took care of you. I’m sure you’re grateful for that, aren’t you?” He mocked her voice and shook his head. 

“Eddie-” Both Richie and Mike started, knowing exactly where this was going. The panic on the man’s face was clear and sad. 

“I sure as shit don’t want to come back here, guys. Jesus, I hate to think about living here with her again but...” Eddie was finally having the mental breakdown he’d been pushing since just before he left New York. “What if it kills her? Fuck, my leaving again could really upset her and-”

“Hey, hey, hey-” Richie Tozier’s hear shattered into a million pieces and he clasped his hands around his friends arms to calm him. “Ed’s, you said it yourself, she’s not seriously sick. I hate to say it...y’know what? Maybe I don’t...but I hate your mom!” Richie let go to wave his arms and a few people stared when he laughed. Mike gave them a charming grin and laid his gentle hands on both pals. “She manipulates you. It’s all she’s done since we were kids, man.”

Eddie blinked a few times and shook his head. “I know...I know that-...” he shrugged. “But she’s my mom. Shouldn’t that mean something?”

That broke something in Richie. The boy he’d grown up...loving with the entirety of his thirteen year old soul (not that he’d speak a word of that memory), was absolutely wrecked. “It should, yeah-” Richie nodded. “And that’s why it’s so fucking shitty that she treats you like that, Eds. ”

Mike nodded. “You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness and well-being for your mother. That’s not a good relationship.” He spoke in a more reserved and mature tone than Richie but seemed to be in agreement. 

Eddie slowly nodded and leaned away from their grips. His mind somehow went back to the train-yard and all the childish thoughts of traveling he’d used to express to himself there. Dreams of being a wanderer who didn’t get worked up from simple messes. No, he went wherever the trains took him. He couldn’t imagine having that sort of lifestyle because he was nowhere near the type of person who could handle it. He could barely ask to bum a ride off a co-worker, let alone hitchhike. 

Emmett returned to his mind’s eye, as he so often did these days, but this time he carried a garbage bag as if it were filled with extra clothes. Next to a deserted road, he stuck his thumb out. It was the kind of uncertainty that Eddie couldn’t even entertain at the moment but used to admire as a silly kid. 

Mike took the moments where Eddie was in deep thought to admire the way Richie was so blatantly staring at the nervous man. The wonderful thing was that Mike didn’t need to piece it together like his friends did, he just remembered the way those two drifted together. He wondered if Eddie’s little Emmett friend would help him remember that. “Why don’t you two take a walk? I gotta finish my shift and you have some catching up to do.” 

Eddie shook himself out of thought and smiled. “I could use the distraction.” 

Richie playfully smacked his arm and started ushering him away. “See ya later, Mikey!” He blew several kisses and tried to hide the small blush on his face from the touching. 

Mike had to laugh. 

                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So why do you want to steal Went’s luggage?” Eddie asked after several minutes of silence which had succeeded Rich’s story about his old gig as a radio DJ for the collage that ate all of his money. 

“Oh, I’m thinking of moving out to L.A.” He nodded. “New York just isn’t my place and I don’t-”

Eddie stopped walking and was overcome with the giggles. “We were in the same city, dude. I’ve been living in New York!” 

Richie let his mouth hang open for a bit. “I wonder if we ever crossed paths.”

“New York is a huge city, Rich. I doubt it.” Eddie shrugged and started up the stroll again. “It’s not like Derry when we were just a bike ride away.”

Richie looked back at Eddie, a pace or so behind him, and was struck with how much he’d grown. Jesus, Richie's world had pretty much revolved around walking him home from school and earning his laughter. And now...Well, there was no school to chase him away from. They were both grown-ups...

“Badlands?” Eddie interrupted his thoughts with a strange sort of laugh. 

“Huh-?”

“You were whistling. You used to do that all the time when you were nervous. Badlands by Springsteen.” Eddie smacked his arm like there was a joke between them but Richie didn’t get it. “Un-fucking-believable.” 

“Ed’s, let me in on the joke or I’ll kick you in the shin.” He pushed up his glasses and pretended to kick out his leg. 

Eddie looked off in thought again like he was debating something but he soon settled on an answer. “It’s just...you carved that song title on my window-sill, remember? So I would listen to it? I found the carving.”

“Ohhhhh, Well, did you listen to it?” he grinned. 

Eddie rolled his eyes but nodded. They kept on walking that natural stride towards the Kaspbrak household while the sky faded into a cloudless blue. 

They hadn’t had a childhood innocence since about thirteen but the simplicity of being young and stupid was to be grieved just the same. Sweaty days of summer spent climbing trees, riding bikes like no damn car was ever a desire...and falling out of trees. All of that was behind them and Richie would be lying if he said he didn’t want just a taste of that kind of joy now. What was the adult equivalent of that nice itch you got after rolling down grass hills all day? ‘Is there a dirty joke to be made there?’ Richie paused. 

“We’re gonna forget each other again soon.”

“What a downer, Eds.” Richie frowned. 

Eddie stopped at the steps of his home and twirled around. And there, sitting on a neighbors porch a few houses away, was his Hitchhiking buddy. Emmett's head was hanging so low that he couldn’t spy his quivering brows or the tired and lonesome frown. He waited for the clown to repeat something or...do something at all but he just sat there on Mr. Walsh’s steps. Dejected and lonely. Longing for something?

‘Fuck’. Eddie realized that maybe he, himself, was the one feeling dejected and lonely. Emmett was a manifestation of his own thoughts and feelings, wasn’t he? And he knew damn well what he was longing for. 

So, with a little skip step, Eddie bounced closer to Richie and fell into his arms.

Richie made an exaggerated ‘oof’ sound but instantly returned the embrace and even rested his head atop the shorter mans. “I’d really like to kiss ya, Eds.” 

The man pulled back and stared at this friend who he’d forgotten and felt all the sentimental love shit that a person could feel. “Do it then, Dick.” 

Richie moved in and kissed him gently. 

And Emmett bled back into Eddie’s mind and away from the real world.  

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 39

Last time: The Blondes finally met back up with the Brunettes, Yoki was an idiot who tried to burgle the Leto-damned ARMSTRONGS, and Scar either kidnapped or “kidnapped” Winry. Onwards!

New Intro! We’ve got the two young brothers separated by wind, then the title drawn in sand before it’s white text with a glowing red TC and the brothers running in opposite directions. Are we going to have a Party Split? Nevermind, they just slowed down to the middle of the screen. Bright light, Ed should have brought a hat to this sunny bunch of rocks. Then he looks off all dramatic like as camera goes to Al trudging through a desert before he too does the Dramatic Protagonist Stare. Both brothers back to back against the Xerxes mural ok seriously betting on a Party Split here with all the opposite directions going on. Now the Elric Brothers are running at each other and yep just phased through to become Red (Ed) and Blue (Al). Looking around for each other? Whatever happens I guess Al is with May since he has Shao on his shoulder and her gripping his hand, Ed’s got Winry in unzippered gear on his side. Camera pans out to show Al with May, Scar, and Marcoh to the left, Al, Winry, and Granny Rockbell to the right. Then a bunch more people start popping up? Can’t tell who is on which team anymore. Short image of Al’s Body in the whitespace, becomes a Stone which shatters to show a smug-looking Pride. Now Ed’s running about striking shadow blades in a forest (Ed vs Pride fight?), Al’s in the rocky desert fighting more toothy Pride blades. Wrath in what looks like a basic longsleeve shirt and vest (no uniform?) fighting LING YES TURN AGAINST THE GOTHS MY GREEDY LITTLE PRINCE Envy’s in Titan form getting sliced up by YES BRING BACK BADASS NINJA BODYGUARDS. Now it’s Armstrong The Great looking serious, Sloth burst out from snow to be used as target practice by Sideburns and a bunch of tanks but Kimblee swoops in and blows the shells up. Beard’s walking along with his briefcase frowning towards Central in the distance. Ed and Al stand back to back in a TC in the desert (not as rocky as the one Ed was in, but not as sandy as the one Al was in), shot of the Door of Truth opening and shattering, ends on the Alchemist Watch covered by the title and silhouettes of the Elric Brothers. Back where we left off: It’s a cloudy and windy day in Baschool, where Scar is carrying Winry’s limp form and glaring down at Kimblee. The Ishvalan comments on how they’ve changed positions from the last time they met, the Alchemist says he shouldn’t be so confident. Episode 39 - “Daydream” Oh no Winry’s in trouble so Ed is grabbing Kimblee’s coat and yelling at him for letting his mechanic get captured, Kimblee tells him to move aside while pulling off his gloves (hey, he’s kinda Roy’s opposite in that regard), Ed blocks his arms so that he won’t hurt Winry by attacking Scar. The Ishvalan then shatters the building, creating a nice big dust cloud to walk away in. Kimblee’s about to chase after him but a mustached soldier says that it’s too dangerous to go close to the damaged building, they need to fall back. Oh, and there’s a snowstorm incoming so they have to find shelter! Man, it has just not been Kimblee’s day, has it? Ed, Sideburns, Al and some soldiers are walking along, Miles compliments Ed on his performance aha, called it! Ross Deception! Ed’s not happy about having to play along with the “stupid charade”, though. Flashback! Scar isn’t apologizing for the death of Winry’s parents. She has every right to pass judgement on him. Winry… walks away, reaches into a box, and pulls out some cloth. Oh, wow. It it wasn’t already clear, Winry is Best Girl. Bandaging an injury on her parent’s killer? Ed and Scar are equally shocked at her compassion and what. What is that face. I’m sorry, this is a sweet and touching moment and all, but Scar? What is going on with your face here?

That is quite possibly the best Does Not Compute face I’ve ever seen. Just, Scar has no idea how to process this. Winry’s saying that if her parents saved his life before, then there must have been a reason. But like Leto does this mean that she’s forgiven him for his murders. She’s not gonna cry though, she promised… wait, I thought it was Ed who promised that the next time she cried it would be tears of joy? Ah whatever. Ok, you’ve got Scar bound up. Angry boyfriend proclamations aside, time to make him decipher the book NO DON’T CALL HEADQUARTERS YOU IDIOTS. Aaaargh. Wait Scar’s asking Sideburns what he meant by “one of your people”, can’t understand how an Ishvalan could stomach being part of the Amestrian military. Sideburns responds that he’s working on the inside to change Amestrian views of Ishvalans, Scar is shocked at such an idea, and that it was an Amestrian that set Sideburns on the path. Scar can only look down. [Scar]: “Look at me. I am a festering wound of hatred born of the Ishvalan War. I am thankful that there is someone like you out there.” Aaargh but just as Scar is realizing that maybe wanton murder isn’t the way to go about things the call goes through, and Kimblee is on his way to “deal” with Scar. This drives Marcoh and May to reveal themselves. Finally! Oh, and now May can patch up Scar’s arm! Outside the Mustached Mook is noting the stormy clouds, Kimblee tells them to hurry up (gee, I wonder if he’ll get there in time?). Marcoh and May are yes thank you for Leto’s sake it took long enough they’re saying that they’ve got groundbreaking Alchemy/Alkahestry research but the only one who can read it is Scar. Sideburns notes that May is the Alkahestry girl they’ve been searching for as well, says that she needs to come back with them to Fort Briggs. Add in that Scar’s needed to read the notes and it’d be just as bad for Marcoh to be recaptured, looks like all three need to go back to the Fort. Ed’s just a mite unhappy with needing Scar’s help, Sideburns knocks him upside the head with the fact that the Goths are pulling some sort of giant TC shenanigans, they need all the info and help they can get right now. Ed stands down after the suggestion that with Scar’s help they can disgrace Kimblee and get Winry away from his clutches. One Ishvalan Oath later Scar’s judgement is postponed… and the Chimeras are waking up, uh oh. The kids balk at Sideburns’ orders to kill them, the Chimeras sadly agree with Sideburns, saying that they can never go back to their old lives. Al tries reasoning with them, appealing to their families but they’ve been told they’re dead. And it’s not like they can go back like this, we’d just be imitating the 2005 Fantastic Four, and nobody wants that.

But Al does get them to yell that “of course they want their old bodies back”, when they quite reasonably say that it can never happen Al does the helmet remove to show his Soul Armor state. [Al]: “Well I’m going back. No matter how long it takes. I’m not giving up.” Ooh, is Al getting some followers? Watch him form an army out of Chimeras tossed aside by the Goths, take them down with their own creations. Unfortunately the snowstorm’s coming in, meaning that they can’t reach the Fort until it passes. And Kimblee’s on his way, so they need a plan- [Yoki]: “This is a mining town, isn’t it? Why don’t we just go into the underground tunnels?” [Everyone]: *turns in surprise to the secret tactical genius in their midst* [Yoki]: “W-what’s wrong? I mean, this is a pretty large mine, right? So surely there’s a tunnel that can take us beyond the mountains, uh… I think?” [Everyone]: “That’s it!” [Yoki, Tactical Genius]: “H-hey, give me some credit; this is what I did for a living!” Ha! Way to finally pull your weight, you C-tier flashback antagonist! Confirming that the tunnels go past the mountains- wait. Wait wait wait. Isn’t the whole point of the mountains that they are between Amestris and Drachma? Ooh, do we finally get to see another country?! Please let my dream of missionary Drachma’s with Leto pamphlets be a reality! Sideburns gives Marcoh notes for any Briggs soldiers the meet after the tunnel (watch them run into Drachmans first and cause all sorts of problems: “These people have notes written in Amestrian! They must be spies from Fort Briggs!”). But what about Winry? If she just up and vanishes with them then Kimblee will suspect the Elrics of foul play! [Winry]: “Um, I hate to be the one to suggest this, but, uh… What do you think Kimblee would do if I was suddenly taken hostage by Scar?” Whoa, so kidnapped!Winry was Winry’s idea? Props to you, mechanic! Mid-ep pictures of Winry Rockbell and human Jerso/Toad and Zampano/Boar. Ed and Al are understandably uneasy with the plan, but Winry shouts them down about being able to at least choose her captor if she’s a hostage either way. Come on Protagonists, learn that you don’t have to or can do everything by yourselves! Scar again promises to protect Winry before Ed lets him loose, when the Chimeras as to be taken along as well. They’ve failed which means Kimblee’s going to kill them either way… [Boar]: “Besides, we don’t want to give up either.” Look at you go Alphonse, already with your two inhuman followers! Also, they’re just a little confused and upset about all this talk of this band of misfits trying to stop some catastrophe that threatens their families along with all of Amestris. Y’know, just a minor detail. Kimblee’s inbound, better hurry. Sideburns asks wait what they’re back to human? Uh ok, with all the talk about being monsters I was kinda assuming that their beast forms were permanent, not something that they could consciously deactivate. Kinda undercuts the whole “we want our human bodies back” if they can shapeshift back like this. The groups are splitting up (to my surprise it’s not the Elric Brothers who are going different ways, at least for now), a soldier remarks that Winry needs to remove her earrings ok what. Seriously, what? This just totally broke my immersion, you cannot tell me that now is the moment when having metal earrings in the frozen north would cause discomfort and haven’t been an issue yet, especially when she came up north specifically because her boyfriend’s metal arm was seizing up. But whatever, she gives them to Ed for safekeeping before promising to see him back at the Fort. Ed gazes up after her, clenching his fist and probably crushing those precious earrings that he was just trusted with. Nice going, kiddo. Explosion! Acting! Snowstorm! Those left in Baschool are sheltering in a building, alternately looking at girlfriend’s jewelry, wondering where their fellow Chimeras have gone, and arguing for planning the next leg of the search. Then Sideburns gets a call from the Fort? Ooooooooh, right. There was that whole “forces from Central showing up to look for Raven” thing going on last time. And our guys are walking right into that mess. Whoops. Down in the tunnel Marcoh’s going on and on about how the Rockbell Doctors were widely respected during the Ishvalan War, how they helped all without regard for themselves. Meanwhile Scar’s walking in the back having flashbacks to Winry’s “I don’t forgive your wanton murdering”, an Ishvalan Elder telling Scar that while he should never forgive the Military’s “wanton murder” that he must abide it-

-to break the chain of hatred, and his brother saying he studies Alchemy to replace hatred with understanding. And here is Scar, following the orders of an Ishvalan who willingly works in the Military to change it, representing the ideals of Scar’s brother and Elders. So what does that make him? Yoki’s having the group stop in an underground office, to pick up a more detailed map of the tunnels. Man, who’d have thought that freaking Yoki would be the most useful party member at this point. Or ever? Inspired by Al, Toad and Boar are pestering Marcoh about any clues in the journal (that he can’t read), they banter with each other about their families. Aw, they’re actually friends! Nice to show that even the Central forces have loved ones, hopefully for real this time after that infuriating Bradley & Selim fakeout. May? What’s wrong? Oh. Oh yeah. Her whole mission was to learn the secret of the Philosopher’s Stone, only to find out it’s based on suffering and the obtaining of immortality for one at the expense of so, so many others. And His Imperial Highness, aka her father, apparently would make one without a moment’s hesitation using any number of his people. So apparently he leans more towards Wrath’s philosophy of leadership than Ling’s. But if she doesn’t bring back the secret of immortality, her clan is in danger from all the others. Marcoh says that the notes might have the humane secret to immortality, they just need to hurry up get to the Fort so Scar can get a-translating. [Ed]: “What do you mean, ‘the Fort is no longer safe’?!” Welp. Just when we get Armstrong The Great as an ally, she’s been summoned back to Central and a Military Officer’s getting put in her place, along with a bunch of other Central forces. So now the Tunnel Team is walking into a hostile environment without knowing. They have to be warned, but how? Ed wants to go but he’ll freeze before he gets anywhere close… [Al]: “There is a way! Listen: send someone who doesn’t have a body. That storm won’t freeze me to death!” Uh, Al? Sure I guess you wouldn’t catch hypothermia, but you’re still a giant suit of steel armor. Remember how there was that whole “Ed’s arm freezing up” problem that was fixed by replacing his entire arm? You don’t have body heat like a living person, your limbs are just gonna ice up. Actually, how the Leto hasn’t that happened yet? Huh. I guess Souls act as armor heaters too, Al’s having more trouble just seeing where he’s walking in the blizzard than actually moving. He sees the path but the winds picks up and the screen whites out from the snow GAH ZOMBIE AL! Oh shit how did Al end up in the Whitespace? Uh, well you’ve found your body? Quick, grab it and let’s get wait no it was an illusion. What, you getting snow madness buddy? Oh. Oh shit. We’ve got a flashback to Barry musing that foreign bodies can’t hold souls for too long, Al’s freaking out about his body trapped in Whitespace, pulling on his soul as it’s rejected by his armor… he can’t think about that right now, he has to hurry. Without the map now, since he dropped it after that vision. Oh hell it’s this asshole. [Uncle]: “Alphonse Elric. Edward Elric. And also… there’s… Van Hohenheim. Izumi Curtis, she’s a possibility-” Aside from all the awfulness of listing off Potential Sacrifices, which is looking a lot more like ‘killing all of these people, not just one or the other’, did you just purposefully knock over Izumi’s piece? Rude, and I can’t wait to see her punch you. “That leaves one more.” New end credits! Rapid guitar music as we race through a 3D hallway/tunnel, outside looks like Ed’s standing in the ruins of the Elric house, Al’s somewhere else standing among some tall square rocks. Flashes of red-eyed Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, Pride, and Uncle (what, no Lust, Greed or Sloth?) A look at Riza’s scarred back with that strange symbol before she turns and I am very sorry for walking in while you were changing ma’am, I’ll be going now. Roy’s still in his eveningwear outfit probably trying to get someone to take all those flowers off his hands, Beard is oh Leto what is happening with your face, are you actually smiling. That looks so weird, stoppit. Oh hey it’s Mama Elric, so sad that we lost you before we could fully appreciate your snark. Ah there’s the scowling Beard that we know, go kick Uncle’s ass. We’ve got Ed jumping and Al and LING YES BRING HIM BACK and a lion and monkey oh my Leto is Al actually going to build a Chimera Army this is the best thing of all time yeah there’s Toad and Boar we are totally getting Rebel General Al. Also there’s Alchemist-Slayer Scar on their side now but who cares CHIMERA ARMY ok fine we also get May and oh Marcoh’s getting in on the action looks like he lost a few teeth wait Yoki no we need you as the secret tactical genius get off the front lines. Selim’s there looking all cute and innocent in his little schoolkid guise until his shadow gets teethy and attacks Ed. Winry’s power walking through a hallway (can’t see if she got her earrings back). Then a bunch of hands reaching up, one larger one grasping a smaller one (which ship will sail?!) before we’re back in the tunnel, shots of Ed and Al and Beard before a final map of the country-sized TC.

[b-rainlet]

Just out of curiosity who do you picture as the bodyguard? and who do you picture as the person needing guard? and for what reason?.

Funny that you ask! Not like I spend 8 hours daydreaming about this and getting so excited that I set up the post to be as unspecific as possible so someone would ask me about this! (I did but that’s besides the point)

Both possibilities work very well.

In both cases Reggie is some eccentric billionaire guy who adopted (a) kid(s) to inherit his wealth. Probably does some investment stuff that I am too gay to understand.

Possibility A: Reggie adopts a son. Diego. But Diego doesn’t wanna play nice and has no interest in meeting up with some old dudes to talk about politics and lick their conservative boots. He’d rather go out and party, blow some (most) of his money on alcohol and pretty girls.

(He’s a little fuckboy lmao)

Cue Reggie’s most loyal Guard, normally responsible for walking patrol around the house at night - and the only guy Diego can’t bribe so he doesn’t tell his Dad when he tries sneaking in again past curfew. Diego hates that guy a little.

Reggie instructs him with watching over his idiot son before he gets himself killed and Reggie has to look for another person to continue his empire.

(No one knows why Reginald hasn’t just thrown Diego out??? Let’s just say he’s old and soft for his quasi son - at least in this AU)

So now you have Luther following Diego like a shadow, trying to keep him out of trouble (breaking up fights Diego picks on purpose, driving away shady guys, treating Diego like a ‘damsel in distress’) and you have Diego, trying his damn best to get rid of Luther.

(Except during those weird moments when he catches Luther’s eye and Luther looks away like he did something wrong, like he was caught staring. What’s even weirder is Diego’s desire to look away too, cheeks pink and hands sweating).

But of course it’s unethical to fall in love with someone you’re paid to protect so Luther decidedly doesn’t talk about that one time he crowded Diego into a bathroom stall at some rich prick’s party and kissed him silly and Diego decidedly doesn’t care.

(He cares a lot but that’s not the point. Luther isn’t supposed to know how much he cares).

So now there’s added sexual tension and it’s awful on both of them. So awful in fact that Luther barges into Diego’s room to declare that he quit his job and smooch the protests right from Diego’s mouth before he can get it wrong and work himself up over it.

(The new bodyguard is good but strict. They don’t let Luther sleep over so Diego keeps sneaking out only this time it’s so he can cuddle with his boyfriend instead of partying).

Possibility B: Reggie has some (biological? No ones sure where they come from actually) children. Luther and Vanya.

But it’s Luther who will inherit everything, as the son and older one of the two.

This time it’s not so much about keeping Luther out of trouble but more about actually protecting him. He doesn’t need a babysitter because he rarely ever leaves his room to party and ‘go wild’ but because he’s so used to his sheltered life he’s at a higher risk off being taken advantage of or kidnapped or killed or whatever else.

And lately he’s been following after Vanya, insisting on watching over his baby sister but his baby sister has taken a liking to a. hanging out in extremely shady places and b. is not the one Reggie worries couldn’t handle herself.

So that’s where Diego comes in. Thrown out of the police academy but with enough experience in hand to hand combat and a knack for knives he figures the job can’t be too bad. Also, he desperately needs the money.

Luther is nice enough, polite and well-mannered but sometimes Diego has the intense urge to slap him because how can someone be so naive.

“They seemed like nice people.” - “They tried to rob you!” - “They were really polite about it though.”

How Luther managed to get this far in life is beyond Diego. He takes uncovered drinks, blurts out his full name and address without prompting, befriends everyone, no matter how shady they seem and is just a general hazard to himself.

And then instead of staying home and working on his adorable little poems - that Diego will read one day, no matter how much Luther protests, it’s kinda his duty to get all up in Luther’s business anyway - they have to hang around in bars Diego would never ever set foot in otherwise, just because Vanya is there, having the time of her life (and probably a mental breakdown. Looks pretty similar).

“You know, if you’re so worried about your baby sis, why don’t you pay someone to look after her? Something like - hmm, let me think about it - a bodyguard.” - “She refuses to have one. Gets rid off all of them one way or another.”

“Why?”

Turns out some crazy stalker pretended to be a trained bodyguard so he could get close to Vanya, make her fall for him. And he got lucky.

And then he proceeded to spilll every single dirty secret Vanya ever told him to every tabloid that would listen to him, just because Reggie double-crossed him once, or something. Pathetic.

So Vanya decided to just not give a fuck anymore, to lurk around in places no one will care who she is or isn’t and swore to never ever let anyone ‘look out for her’ again.

“And that’s why we’re here.”

And yeah, maybe this Leonard is the biggest creep in existence but Luther being so adamant about protecting his sister and so angry about what happened to her - “I liked that guy, Diego, I congratulated her on her catch!” - makes something inside Diego’s chest swell and maybe he can’t look at Luther for the rest of the evening.

“Patch, you’re still doing your detective business, right?” - “What do you need?”

Diego convinces Patch to do some “simple person observation, easy a pie” for him, so Luther doesn’t worry that much anymore.

Patch is his oldest friend, they grew up in the same orphanage before Patch got adopted and Diego...didn’t. They briefly dated but figured they’re more like family. Weird, unusual Family who roast each other on the daily but would also die for each other in a heartbeat.

“What’s in it for you?” - “See you’d do me a huge favour, it would be less work for me, watching over two people is tedious-” - “Diego.”

“.....I would have more free time?” - “You mean more alone time with the brother.” - “.....Maybe.”

“Falling in love with your employer? Classy.” - “His father pays me! And it’s not like I didn’t walk in on you fingering your clients on more than one occasion!” - “Touché”

To wrap this up before I get too into it: Patch watches over Vanya “discreetly” - which means that Vanya immediately spots her and starts flirting with her, hoping for a fling. Then Diego blows it completely by admitting that he knows Patch and yeah, that’s a bit shitty of him.

(In his defense, the bar was really crowded and Luther was leaning down into his space and whispering something in his ear, hand wrapped around Diego’s bicep and his brain kinda short circuited, so sue him for yelling Patch’s name when he saw her walk up to them with Vanya).

Long story short they sort of end up on a double date and everything seems good for a while and thanks to Patch, Diego can lure Luther to go on dates with him he denies are dates. Well, at least until Luther says “I hope this was a date because I really wanna kiss you right now.” that’s when Diego inists on those meet ups being the date-iest dates to date.

......But of course it all goes to shit.

See, Patch likes Vanya and she really doesn’t want this to be built on a lie so she admits that she actually has the job to watch over Vanya and Vanya...doesn’t take it well.

Luther also doesn’t take it well as soon as he figures out that Diego was the one initiating this.

“I told you she has trust issues! And you just go and lie to her face? To my face?? Make her fall for someone who’s lying to her the whole time - again.”

They break up before they go on their third date, so maybe it’s not really a break up but Diego feels like it is. In fact, he feels like utter shit.

So the next few weeks are just full of Vanya and Luther watching romcoms together and binging on ice cream, while Patch and Diego get shit faced together and trash talk people until fights break out.

(By the end of it they have to resort to drinking at home because they’re banned from all their usual bars).

I’m not further in my musings about this but somehow they all make up and end up gay and happy. Tada!

Also just for the hell of it, I desperately want someone chatting up Luther in both AUs and Diego being unreasonably jealous - because it’s not like they’re dating, not at all - and insisting that this person is bad news, either in a “Trust me, I’m your bodyguard” way or in a “I feel unsafe and you’re here to protect me, aren’t you?” way.

Well....this got long, lmao

[skelezbian]

“I’m egging a random person’s house to relieve stress and you join me and as it turns out the house belongs to your ex and now they are chasing us as well as the police and now we’re both in jail waiting to be bailed so um you wanna talk about it?” AU with your swapfell papyrus and the reader?

request was from here

(listen…… this is Canon how the reader from bones picked clean meets the sf brothers in their universe… also i changed it a bit because egging someones house gets you 90 days in prison and a 1k fine so you just. don’t get caught) 

-

There were few times that Sans actually threw his weight around the house. All in all, he was content to let Papyrus do what he want, so long as it didn’t directly affect his work ethic. The recently-reappointed head of the Royal Guard was often tasked to shadowing the queen alongside her personal bodyguard, which left Papyrus with a very empty house and very little to do. Of course, Sans had extended the invitations to him on more than one occasion but, in the year after Chara had freed the monsters from Underground, the meetings were far too involved to hold his interest when he wasn’t directly involved. 

But Sans had come home early from an international conference and found Papyrus slothing about the house, disheveled and miserable, and officially banned him from the house. “AND DON’T YOU DARE GO TO MUFFET’S! CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY INTO SOMETHING OTHER THAN DRINKING AND PROJECTING YOUR FEELINGS ONTO RANDOM, UNDESERVING HUMANS.” Which had been the first time Sans had ever really pointed out his shitty coping mechanisms and, uh, it had stung pretty bad. Bad enough that, when he left the house, he didn’t even take his shortcut to Muffet’s out of habit. 

Almost stubbornly, Papyrus circles their house, like a dog that’d been put out for bad behavior. He cringes at the metaphor- after his failed stint as part of the Snowdin Guard, it wasn’t inaccurate to say he was often barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, he really did deserve this one. The giant barbecue stain on his shirt and the fact that he smells like a Frisco sour cocktail was definitely too much. He’d planned on cleaning up before Sans got home but…

Well. Guess it was going to be a night on the town, then.

He wanders around uselessly through their neighborhood- after a few odd glances and watching as cars slowed down as they passed him, he’d zipped up his jacket. If he had skin, it’d be crawling. There were few things that made him more uncomfortable than several people looking at him at once- sure, sometimes he’d bury his problems in a one-night stand, but that was drastically different from the burning looks of passerby.

So the usual means of channeling his simultaneous loneliness and detachment was out the window. Quite literally, considering that he’d fallen out of their first floor after Sans’ lecture, to his brother’s mild panic. He’d pulled him back up by the ankle, but Papyrus kept trying to crawl away from him (partially out of shame, but more so because he was grimy enough that he didn’t want Sans to see him like this and he was drunk enough to move on impulse), which dragged some of the foliage from the bushes outside the window into the house… He’d quickly dropped him and simply let Papyrus sort himself out. And he’d sorted himself right out the door.   

It might’ve been the leftover bourbon from the cocktail, but he ends up at the corner store, a strange feeling of euphoria in his veins. It’d been years since he pulled a dumb prank like this… Years since Undyne hadn’t attached live flamethrowers to her home just in case he did something like this. He blew six gold on four cartons of eggs and was going to wreak havoc on some poor shmuck’s house. 

If Undyne hadn’t moved in with Alphys, who he’d seen benchpress a car, he definitely would’ve tested his aim on her new house on the Surface. If only for old times’ sake. And also, maybe, to see if his best friend was still up to her old antics and making killer defensive traps like she’d always wanted to. After what he’d seen with Dogamy and Dogaressa, he was always a little nervous about bonded couples- he pulls out his phone and makes a note to check on her in the morning, after he’s taken a shower and doesn’t look skeletal ransom note covered in barbecue sauce. A real feat, balancing the egg cartons on one arm and penning a reminder on his phone while walking. 

After he finishes setting the reminder and pockets his phone, he realizes that, by walking in a straight line, he’s ended up in a part of the neighborhood he doesn’t recognize. At least, not at 11 PM, he doesn’t recognize it. In front of a dull green house with paled yellow shutters, he has the crowning realization that no one’s home. He sets the boxes down on the ground and pops one open with its creaking styrofoam sound. Picks one egg up, examining it. 

Then he throws it as far as it can go- it splatters on the leftmost window, eggshell scattering into their bushes. Papyrus can tell by the weight of his arms, how everything feels both too heavy and too light, that he’s definitely still drunk but damn if this isn’t the most fun he’s had in weeks. He laughs and tries to launch two eggs at one time, even though one just falls out of his weak grasp. 

He’s onto his fifth egg when he hears someone start walking up and, about to shortcut out of sight, he’s stopped short by your laugh. 

Your semi-hysterical, oh my God I can’t believe this laugh. “Holy shit.” You say, and he whips around, wondering who would laugh in response to seeing a strange skeleton egging their house. “Oh my god- I was just trying to get my stuff back from him, but what did he do to you?” Your laugh gets loud enough that you start snorting, then you try to turn your face away from him. He can’t help it- you surprise a laugh out of him. 

He doesn’t know what you’re talking about but… “hey, you want a go? i’ll egg you on.” You start to laugh harder and he launches the one in his hand higher than he wanted it to go- it skims the second-story window and lands on the roof. When you finally calm down (after wheezing and brushing tears from your eyes), you lean down and grab one of the eggs. You toss it up into the air, like you’re testing the weight of it then, with a half-step and powerful baseball throw, launch it directly at the lower window. 

Just like every one of them before, the runny yellow yoke stains the paint and the bright white eggshell sticks to it. You turn to him, surprised and laughing, rocking on your heels. “Holy shit! That was-” You give a shaky and large hand gesture. You look fairly rattled, but he’s not exactly sure why. “Eggs-elent! You mind if I…?” 

“knock yourself out.” It’s almost more fun to watch you throw the eggs- he had just been doing it to do it, but you seemed to throw like you had some vendetta against the house. He watches as you do a baseball player’s stretch and then sling an egg over and into the bushes. It misses, and you look disheartened. He feels the need to cheer you up, if only slightly, “good idea- they won’t notice until it starts to rot.” 

You raise your eyebrows at him, and you bubble out a laugh. You pick up an egg and, to deflect from your surprisingly infectious laugh, he picks up one and aims for the porch. “Really- who are you? What’d Jason do that you’re egging his house?” 

“who the hell’s jason?” He asks, which you must’ve taken as another joke because you laugh again. 

“You’re right! Who the hell is Jason!” Your throw actually splits the yoke right in the middle of a window. You introduce yourself, running your hand across the back of your forehead and leaving some of the sticky white on it. You don’t seem to notice, or mind. 

“name’s papyrus. uh…” As much as he doesn’t want to know, he kinda wants to know what kind of douchebag must live in this house that some stranger would join a stranger to egg his house. “so, what’d jason do to you?” 

“He’s my piece of shit-” You punctuate your sentence with another egg. You finished off the carton and you shoot him an apologetic look. Wordlessly, he opens the next one and offers it to you. “-ex-boyfriend. We used to live here together-” Another egg, this time on the door. You have killer aim. “-but he broke up with me over text. And changed the locks. And kept all of my shit. Threw my clothes out on the lawn, kept my tv and my headphones and my computer…!” You trail off, as if it were a long list of things and, stars, what an asshole. 

“shit, that kind of week, huh?” That’d explain why you look terrible- he wasn’t in any position to judge, but he definitely has some sympathy for your dark circles and uneven smile. You look like you’re about the same level of strung-out as he’s felt for the past few weeks. Papyrus nods to himself, thinking. “hey, does he have a security system?” No close neighbors, and it was fairly dark…

You snort. “Too cheap. Nah, nothing like that. But he should be heading home soon, if you want to hike it soon.” 

“damn, at least allow me a finale.” To your absolute wonder and excitement, he lifts the remaining two egg cartons with magic and, like he was sparring with Sans, opens the carton and sends the two dozen eggs sailing at the house in a barrage of yellow and white. The door, completely covered with egg, looks like he’d tried and failed to make scrambled eggs. You clap for him, a fast theatrical clap that gets him to smile back at you. 

Just as he starts to see someone’s headlights turn into the neighborhood. “Shit, let’s go!” You swing your arm low and pick up all of the containers in one foul swoop and, stars, he could’ve just taken a shortcut back to his house and leave you like a deer in the headlights, but he finds himself caught up in the moment, running alongside you. He feels young and weightless and, suddenly, he understands what humans mean when they say they feel ‘out of their skin’. He pulls his hoodie over his head, knowing the headlights would’ve reflected and he would’ve been spotted immediately.

You’re in your casual clothes, however, with no chance of disguise. Without really thinking, he reaches out and pulls you closer to him, hiding you in his shadow two steps ahead. You both keep running and running until his ankle bones start to ache a little and, when he turns around, he sees that you both weren’t even pursued. He slows down, then laughs when you continue to still run. He calls out your name with a laugh, doubling over and resting his hands on his knees. “he wasn’t even chasing us…!” 

“Well! I wasn’t about to risk it! And check!” You’re as out-of-breath as he was, and just as pumped full as adrenaline. He feels your hand on his back, patting at him and laughing. “Not exactly what I was going to do when I came to his house but I guess some things are just…” You make a gesture at him. 

Destiny? He hadn’t believed in that since he was a babybones and Sans used to have the time to read him stories. He straightens his back, stretching and taking even breaths. “wouldn’t say we were meant to cross paths. just seems like jason was just due a really bad day, i just ended up being the one to socket to him.” He winks at you, and you give him that lopsided smile. 

“Still. I really… uh… appreciate it? I mean, we totally just committed a misdemeanor at the very least, but I’ll take it to my grave if you do- this was. I don’t know.” You cross your arms and smile at him- a full smile, but a shy one. It’s been a while since someone’s looked at him like that. “You said your name was Papyrus?”

“yup. i live down the street. sort of.” He just realized that he’s a lot farther from home than he thought he was. “listen, i had fun. this was… this was fun. uh. vandalizing your piece of shit ex-boyfriend’s house.” It was weird, doing this without the fog of drinks over the both of you- his well of charisma feels like it’s run dry. Not a lot to drink from when he wasn’t trying to get someone into bed, as it turns out. “so. if you want to… do it again…?” 

“Pft, I don’t think so- I think if we did this again, we’d probably get caught eventually. But, uh, if you wanted to hang out again, I can give you my number.” You put your hand out, palm-up, and he puts his phone into your hand like he’s handing over a sensitive diplomatic treaty. 

When you give it back to him, you’ve set your name as ‘Hard-Boiled’, and his head snaps up to look at you, an incredulous look on his face. “i love it.” Papyrus shoots off a text to make sure you got his number and, when your phone buzzes in your pocket, you give him a thumbs up. “well, it’s pretty late, now- i can walk you back to your car, if you’d like…?” 

“If you wouldn’t mind- I’m staying with a friend until I can get my own apartment, so I drove over here in her car.” You stuff your hands in your pockets, rocking a little on your feet. “I parked a little bit away, so I wouldn’t mind someone walking with me. In the dark. In this unfamiliar neighborhood.” 

“cut it with the ribbing, you already had me at ‘wouldn’t mind’.” Again, he thinks about how easy it would be to just… take a shortcut. But he almost doesn’t want this adrenaline-fueled rush to end. “so, about your douchebag ex-boyfriend. you wanna talk about it?” 

“You wanna listen?” You ask, sounding surprised. It kind of hurts to hear that disbelieving tone in someone else’s voice instead of his own.

“what? i may be all bones, but i do have a bleeding heart.”

[vrahno]

Most dubs in my country are rubbish, cartoon dubs especially, and that goes for the four Bionicle movies too. I went through them to see how many translation screw-ups I can find, just to share my (and probably other Hungarian fans’) long-held frustration with an international audience. You may need a few years to spare cause it’s a lengthy list.

Mask of Light

The title, ”A fényálarc” (The light-mask) is already iffy, as in the movie the artifact is called “a fény maszkja” (the mask of light). They also had some trouble with character titles like Toa or Turaga -- in this language, titles usually come after a person’s name, but the dub kept the English word order. Interestingly, the local release of the books (written by one of the movies’ translators) did mostly pay attention to this.

Unity, Duty and Destiny are correctly rendered as Egység, Kötelesség, Végzet, yet in the sequels and the books, they become Egység, Felelősség, Kötelesség (Unity, Responsibility, Duty). As a side-note, the G2 webisode dubs went back to the original translation.

Not technically a translation issue, but Pewku’s name is always pronounced as “Pevku”.

For specific examples in the dialogue, I’ll quote the original lines first, then translate the dub’s lines back into English as accurately as possible, with their errors intact.

Hold your Rahi, I'm coming! Hold the Rahi, I’m going! - “Hold your horses” is not a meaningful expression here, but they kept it in the dub despite there being other animal-related idioms they could have used.

Your own Captain of the Guard... The new Bodyguard Captain... New?

Must I unleash those who should never see the light of day? Must I unleash those who must never see light? - Another expression taken literally.

Their unity can be poisoned, their duty will be broken, and their destiny I must shatter. Their unity I can poison, their duty I can break, and their destiny I can prevent. - Terry’s talking about the Rahkshi powers here, so the last should have been kept as “shatter”.

Shadows that cower in the depths. Exactly as foretold. The shadows cover the depths, just as the prophecy said. - Mishearings and mondegreens are a staple of this translator couple’s work (yes, there were two people working on this shit). Did they even have the original script?

“But you wander off every chance you get looking for stories. What about your story?” “I don't have a story.” “Only 'cause you won't stand still long enough to make one.” “But if you have the chance, you wander off looking for stories. What kind of story do you long for?” “I’m not longing for a story.” “Only because you can’s stay in one place for long enough.” - So Takua’s looking for stories, but he’s not, because he’s too busy looking for stories?

“Keep 'em busy. I'm…” “Running away and leaving me!” "Keep him busy. And I’ll...” “I’d rather run away.” - Maybe not a mistake, there’s room for artistic freedom after all (and I think Takua’s line is kinda funny), but given the other examples, it’s just as likely they simply misheard the line.

Lewa in this dub doesn’t use treespeak. Instead... Word is deep-wood that you seek the Seventh Toa. The world is a deep forest if one’s seeking the Seventh Toa.

If Toa Lewa helped on your search, might he be a... spirit-lift? Say, if Toa Lewa helps you search, will he also become an... elevated spirit? - I know he’s kind of an Indian-hippy mix in this movie, but the fuck is that supposed to mean? He’s only asking if his company would lift Jaller and Taku’s spirit, as in cheer them up.

Er, I've been a second! But, er, I've never flown one myself. Um, I’ve seen such a thing, but I’ve never flown on one. - MNOG is not canon in the dub. (Or perhaps Takua means the Gukko he rode didn’t look like the movie design?)

Your village has fallen to… Rahkshi! The Makuta's sons. Your town has recently been... attacked! By Makuta’s sons. - So how do T&J know what a Rahkshi is if they don’t hear the name?

Frozen? What could do this to them? They’re frozen, how could they harm us? - This is another habit this translator couple has, reordering the original words and inserting some new ones to get a different meaning out of them. At least in this case, the line still fit the situation.

Takua’s grumpy “Tunnels.” line is missing.

Makuta originally says “They will not disturb you.” to Mata Nui, but the dub reinterpreted the line to refer to the three new Rahkshi. Some other dubs also did this.

Do you think the Turaga were right about us? What do you think, was Turaga right? - “Turaga” is not the name of a single character.

But, united, our power defeated the Rahkshi! But if we unite, we will defeat the Rahkshi! - Beyond mixing up plural and singular words, these translators also have a hard time interpreting past, present and future tenses.

I have but one destiny. Yours lie with the Matoran and the Turaga. We don’t share our destiny. Yours is tied to Matoran and Turaga. - The intended meaning is somewhat there, but sounds hella awkward.

Summon the Matoran! Conjure up the Matoran! or Subpoena the Matoran! - Yes, “summon” can mean those too, but the relevant meaning here is “gather”.

My duty is to the Mask of Shadows! My doom is the Mask of Shadow! - Eh. Both lines sound random, but I guess they sort of make sense if you consider Makuta’s originally intended characterization as a well-meaning guy who has been corrupted by his mask. To be fair, the ending scene of the movie is a mess even in English, so whatever. But it’s still not a correct translation

The city of the Great Spirit, my island home, refound. The city of the Great Spirit, my island home, has recovered. - I think the translators didn’t get Vakama was talking about Metru Nui here. Seems they thought he was referring to the villages on Mata Nui being rebuilt.

Legends of Metru Nui

The translated title has “legend” in singular. Not a big deal. What is a bigger deal is that titles like Toa and Turaga are now correctly placed after the character names... but they went overboard with it, as even the Toa Suva becomes “Suva Toa”, which makes no sense. It’s not a Toa named Suva, it’s a shrine dedicated to the Toa.

Pronunciation-wise, Dume is not only spoken aloud as “Duma”, he’s even called that in the subtitles. Nuju became “Nuyu”.

Prove yourselves worthy Toa. Prove that you are worthy for the Toa. - Again, it makes some sense but sounds awkward like that. Why not “for the title of Toa”?

Mask maker, you saw Toa Lhikan last, right? Mask pourer, you saw Lhikan Toa last, right? - But Vakama carves masks, he doesn’t pour them into molds.

... we sought out, found and recovered these Great Disks. ... to find and discover the Great Disks. - Great redundancy.

Cross the sea of protodermis, and be honored as Toa. Cross the protodermis, so we may greet you as Toa. - Since the word “sea” is missing here, Makuta’s callback at the end loses some of its context.

“Do you thing they went this way?” “Why do I bother?” “Ah, do you think they went this way?” “What does it matter?” - A joke died here. Nidhiki’s supposed to be lamenting Krekka’s stupidity (the Toa hopped into a one-way transport chute, so they couldn’t have gone any other way), not responding to him with a nonsensical answer.

Matau’s “Check out these wings.” line becomes plural in the dub, even though he’s only talking to Nokama.

“Stock boy” is translated as “numbskull” (I guess Onewa would say such a thing, but it’s still incorrect) and “record keeper” as “record holder”. The word “record” of course refers to “records of the past”, what with Whenua being an archivist, not “record achievement”, which is what the translators thought.

Look beyond your history, and see what is. Look beyond your past, and see what it is. - The exact opposite of what Lhikan meant.

You (singular) shall help both your brothers (plural). You both (plural) shall help your brother (singular). - Onewa is a single person and there’s two of his brothers there, you fucking shits.

I believe it is time to depart. I think it is time to split up. - But they don’t split up. They just leave the cell. He said “depart”, not “part”. This is another line multiple dubs misinterpreted.

"Follow me!” (in singular, since Krekka’s talking to Nidhiki only) “Hmm. No. Get down!” “Follow me!” (plural) “Hmm. Fools!” - The fuck happened here? Why are both Krekka and Nidhiki suddenly multiple persons each?

It's amazing what you can learn when you're not always speak-teaching. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you’re not being taught. - Nokama’s a teacher. She is the one doing the teaching, not the one being taught. Again the line completely changed its meaning.

Maybe he sneak-passed! Maybe he snake-sneaked! - Can’t decide if it’s “snake” or “sneak”, so just go with both?

“Hey, Nokama, I see us taking a romantic ride-drive.” “And you believe Vakama has odd visions!” “You, Nokama, do you feel-see what a romantic journey we’re on?” “And do you still think that Vakama’s visions are weird?” - Another joke lost. Matau’s fantasizing about a future ride that only he sees. Not only that, Nokama’s retort is worded wrong, as the emphasis is placed on “do you still think” instead of Vakama’s visions.

As mentioned, Dume doesn’t say “sea of protodermis”, so Makuta’s callback becomes the following: Perish in the real sea of protodermis. Die in the protodermis’ really-big sea!

Without the Mask of Time, it will take a lifetime's journey to find both our destinies! Without the Mask of Time, both of us can spend a lifetime searching for our lost destinies! - But their destinies aren’t lost. It will just take a long time to find them.

In MoL, the line “This is they way of the Bionicle” was translated as “This is the rule of Bionicle”. Here, it becomes “This is the law of Bionicle”. The third movie will have a third variation because another thing this translator couple hates is consistency.

Web of Shadows

The title on the DVD cover, “Árnyak hálója” (Web of Shadows) differs from the one they actually use in the movie, “Árnyak hálójában” (In the Web of Shadows). That’s a warning sign right there.

I gotta say this is one of the worst dubs of anything I’ve ever heard. Sure, there are dubs that are far worse on a technical level, and this one at least has passable casting and the dialogue mostly matches up to when the mouths are moving (or flashing). But there’s a thick aura of uneasiness, the line delivery sounds awfully stilted and forced throughout, and you can tell none of the people involved wanted to be anywhere near the recording booth. The translation is an even bigger mess than ever, and the VAs under and overact at all the wrong spots. There’s a few moments where the dub actually sounds great, but as a whole it’s a cringeworthy experience. I guess they were really fed up with these movies by this point.

Titles are again arranged in the English word order. As for pronunciations, Sidorak is for some reason called “Sidoraak” and Keetongu becomes “Keeetongooo”. And as if to make up for ditching Lewa’s treespeak in MoL, Matau’s chutespeak is cranked up to eleven, to the point where he ends up sounding like a fucking Gungan.

The Toa united in a dutiful pledge. They made a pledge to the Toa Metru vow of obedience. - The what? It’s also of note that the dub actually calls them Toa Metru, which never comes up in the original. In fact there’s lines not only in this dub but other as well that can’t be heard in the English version, so I wonder if the translations were based on some preliminary script.

“Well, that stunk.” “It would appear there was an error in our transport. Pilot error.” “Wow, this is smelly.” “It seems that an error has slipped into our transportation. A grave error.” - Fuck you.

Well, there goes the old neighborhood! That there is an old acquaintance! - Another expression interpreted too literally.

The Onu-Metru Archive houses a specimen of every Rahi beast ever discovered. At least… it used to. The Onu-Metru Container is chock full of the widest varieties of Rahi monsters. At least... the discovered ones. - Yet again they remove the main point of a sentence.

We go to the Coliseum, we rescue the Matoran, we leave. We go into the hall, finish our work, leave. - They said Coliseum in LoMN, so why not here?

I assume your telling me this without twitching uncontrollably means the Toa have already been captured. I assume when you talk about this event you have already trapped the Toa. - Leaving out chunks of sentences that can be tricky to translate is another forte of this couple.

“Well, fire-spitter, we can't say you didn't show us the city. 'Course, we can say that you got us captured, poisoned, and, seeing as I don't think we've been brought up here for the view, imminently smash-dashed.” Onewa barely audibly muffles „not Vakama's fault”. “He agrees!” “We can’t complain-say you didn’t show us the city. And perhaps nor that it’s your fault we got catch-caught, poisoned, and because we haven’t been brought here for the view, it’s your fault we die." “Baloney.” (clearly audible) “I agree!” - I agree too, but this is more than baloney, this is bullshit. How did “of course we can say” become “perhaps nor can we say”? Well, at least they got “we” and “say” right.

When Vakama starts mutating, the dub has the others react with: Whenua: “Hey, ho, ho, be careful already!” Matau: “Wow, that’s so dangerous!” Ruining what was meant to be a serious, disturbing scene.

Even now their broken bodies are being brought to me. And their broken bodies have been brought here to me. - “Even now” and “are being” are not past tense.

What do you say, mask smelter? What do you say, mask pourer? - Again with this pouring. Maybe they misheard “smelt” and thought it was “melt”?

Unity, duty, destiny. It starts with unity. Unity, responsibility, duty. Starting with duty. - Reminder that two translators got credited for this.

I'm sure it could have helped our old Toa selves, but… now? It obviously helps us reacquire our Toa selves, but...now? - The meaning is yet again changed to complete nonsense. So the Temple helps them change back, but it doesn’t because they’d have to change back for that first? And why is “it could have helped” translated as “it obviously can help”?

“You're not worried they're going to tell him you said that?” “They are loyal to me.” ”Right. Like you are to Sidorak!” “… Yes.” “Aren’t you afraid these are going to tell him what we’re talking about?” “They are loyal to me.” “Of course. Like you are to Sidorak!” “... No.” - The subtitles actually do say “yes”. So watching the dub with those turned on is an experience onto itself.

“I wonder what's taking the Rahaga so long, I mean how hard is it to get directions?” “Well, when they're to a creature that has not been seen since the time before time… hard.” “How hard can it be for Rahaga to discover-find the direction?” “As in the case of creatures that hasn’t been seen since before the beginning of time... hard.” - This doesn’t even make grammatical sense. However, maybe I’ve misheard a particular word (amit - amik), so just in case, here’s a different interpretation: “As in the case of creatures that haven’t seen since before the beginning of time... hard.” - Does this make more sense perhaps? It’s grammatically more correct, but it suggests that these supposed “creatures” are blind. In either case, the sentence is totally wrong, since the word “creature” in the original line is singular, not plural. Unless they meant that there’s more than one Keetongu, which is just as wrong. Or maybe they meant the Rahaga? That’s even more wrong.

Because of you, the Rahaga will be put where they belong: in a cage. Thanks to you, the Rahaga have been put where they belong: behind bars. - On one hand, I applaud the translators for taking advantage of Sidorak’s extra lip movements and fitting the words to them. On the other, the line still isn’t accurate.

What I applaud them even less for is their wrecking of Matau’s speech to Vakama at the end. In the original, the writers wisely held back his chutespeak to make the speech that much more convincing and serious. But in the dub, they stuff it full of these stupid made-up words that just make it laughable. I won’t attempt to type them all here. Just imagine it’s Jar Jar in Matau’s place or something.

Still, there are yet more things wrong with that scene. In English, Matau brings up the three virtues woven into his speech in succession, reminding Vakama of his life as a Toa. In the dub, both duty and destiny are translated as duty, meaning there’s only two virtues. Also, there’s this: You're our leader, Vakama. You're my leader. You’re our direction-leader, Vakama. Our leader.

Not strictly an error, but throughout the film, the terms “defeat”, “strike down” and “destined to fail” are all translated as “destroy”. Also, “elemental powers” never come up. Instead, they’re “special powers”.

In light of all you've given, you owe us nothing. Despite that I know you’ve given so much, you owe us nothing. - Again they turn part of the line completely around. Keetongu owes them nothing because he’s done so much, not in spite of it.

He wants to know why you'd want that. Seeing as you've made peace with the beast within. He wants to know why you wish that. Have you made peace with the beasts within you? - And yet again. The second sentence is not a question, it’s a statement.

The Makuta! He is gone. Makuta! He’s gone from here. - As usual, the wrong part of the sentence is given emphasis. The point is that he truly has escaped, like Norik claimed. Not that he’s gone “from this specific place”.

As for this line, the delivery is just as bad as the translation. I’ll attempt to convey it through writing: We'll find a way to defeat him. Because that's what Toa do. We find a method to defeat him! That’sthee... Toowah’s... faith. - And no, they didn’t choose the Hungarian word for “faith” because it fit better to Vakama’s mouth movements. Translating the line literally (”Mert ez a Toa dolga”, instead of “Ez a Toa hite”) would, on the other hand, have perfectly fit. But they didn’t. So they got both the translation and the lip sync wrong, and as a result the delivery is shit too because the VA had to make these silly pauses and needlessly extend the words where necessary.

“This is the way of the Bionicle” is rendered here as “This is the way of life in the world of Bionicle.”

So the couple who localized these movies are actually some of the most prolific translators working in the country’s industry, with decades of experience and thousands of scripts, books and comics to their name. Yet their grasp on both the English and Hungarian languages just keeps deteriorating further, and to this day they continue to wreck every almost dub they touch. I’m gonna stop fucking around and name them: László Katona and Zita Csányi. The former also translated the few Bionicle books we got in this country, and while they have plenty of issues, the translation is much more competent. Most people mainly have a beef with Csányi, whose dubbing scripts for animated productions are consistently some of the worst in the industry, and she’s especially infamous for the wretched translation work she submitted for the Ben 10 and Steven Universe franchises. I’m a fan of neither, but as a mere casual cartoon watcher, I’m appalled by the sheer stilted-sounding nonsense I keep hearing whenever I come across any of those shows on tv. Mishearings, taking foreign idioms literally, constantly confusing past-present-future and singular-plural, or just straight-up rewriting the dialogue into something completely detached for their original meaning.

But moving on to everyone’s favorite Bionicle movie (note: this sentence was translated by Zita Csányi)...

The Legend Reborn

Now, at the time Lego’s Hungarian website advertised this as “A legenda újjáéled”, until the web team got notified that the DVD is actually called “A legenda újjászületik”. A red flag already. The dub was produced by a different company and a different translator who was somehow just as bad. With this film, they didn’t even try to sync the dialogue to the mouth movements, so that’s the level of quality we’re dealing with here.

You never hear the word Glatorian in the dub. They’re just called gladiators, which gives me vibes of all the European DBZ dubs that avoided saying the word Saiyan at all costs. Also, the Skopio is merely a scorpion. Yet they kept everything else. The Great Beings are inconsistently called “Giant Beings” or just “Giants”. I take it the translator thought the Great Spirit Robots were supposed to be GBs? Not that the movie makes it clear.

Its name echoed my rebirth – the Mask of Life. My rebirth can thus be summarized as such: the life born from the mask. - That’s one way to overwrite a simple sentence.

You just won me a lot of bets. You won me heaps of money. - Bets in this case referred to Kiina’s conviction that there’s life on other planets. Maybe there was money involved (does Bara Magna even have currency?), but the translator probably just thought Kiina made a bet on Mata Nui’s arena fight. Which would make little sense as he wasn’t even scheduled to fight.

The Glatorian are headed for Tajun. The gladiator is headed for Tajun. - Ah, good ol’ singular-plural confusion.

Those Bone Hunters are gonna be eating Skopio belly for weeks. The scorpion’s stomach is gonna be digesting Bone Hunters for weeks. - This is the fucking opposite.

Not an error, I just think it’s amusing that instead of calling him a “filthy thief”, Kiina calls Berix a “goddamn thief”. I call him worse.

I like fixing things, and I'm good at it, too. I mean, c'mon, who do you think got the lights working, huh? I like tinkering with things, and I’m pretty good at it. Who’d have thought the lights here work? - Maybe it’s just me, but this doesn’t give me the impression that he was the one who patched them up.

Wait, what you did with the Vorox tail and Click, could it work with these? Wait, what have you done Click and with the Vorox tail, could you do it with this? - Did this translator speak either of the two languages required for his job, I ask?

Of course! Fire is your elemental power. The Mask of Life has simply ignited it. Of course! Fire is your elementary element. The Mask of Life simply recognized this fact. - This just sounds stupid.

Guess it's a stand-off. I think this is a dead-end. - I guess technically. But there’s more suitable expressions he could have used.

I told you, Raanu, pitting Vastus against Tarix would pack 'em in! I told you, Raanu, it’s a mistake to pit Vastus against Tarix. - That means the opposite you dumb fuck.

I saw them being dragged away. Through the hot springs. I saw that they dragged them away to the hot springs.

Did you ever think maybe you weren't the only one that needed to believe there was something more? Did you ever think that you were the only one who wanted to see more with it? -Huh? With what?

I am closer to becoming the warrior I must be if I am to reclaim my empire and free my people. If I reclaim my empire and save my people, I will become the warrior I wanted to be. - No. He has to become a warrior because he wants to save them. It’s not that he has to save them because he wants to become a warrior, you mongrel piece of fuck translator. To be fair to him, TLR sucks. Technically, the others do too but the dubs suck more.

If anyone’s wondering, or I should say if anyone even made it to this part of the post, there’s only one major translation goof I recall from the 2015 webisode dub: they called Skull Basher Skull Grinder. Oh, and the introduction episode just plain wasn’t dubbed at all, if you count that as a goof. The Journey to One wasn’t dubbed or subbed either cause Netflix’s online content still hasn’t been localized here.

[odogaronfang]

Hey, can I hear about your Breath of the Wild au? It sounds cool

thank u so much for asking and i’m sorry i made u wait for this!!

i’m actually kinda in the process of redesigning them so i might post some sketches later but basically

[yeesh this got long ill put a readmore] 

-vio is half-sheikah and a traveling merchant, wanders hyrule foraging and hunting and selling things, makes a lot of money because he’ll bring his wares places they wouldn’t usually be found (for example, bringing lurelin great sea fish to the gerudo desert). he has extensive knowledge of hyrule’s topography and flora and fauna, and enough history under his belt to know where to avoid, or just be very prepared for. he doesn’t stay in one place much, the sheikah in kakariko will lend him a room when he stops by, but he did buy out that empty house in hateno and uses that as HQ, mostly in the winter when it’s dangerous and foolhardy to be on the roads.

-blue started as a hylian spearfisher in lurelin village. she grew up there, the people that cared for her are still there. but life as a fisherwoman is very slow and not at all the kind of life she wanted to lead, so when she was 16 she snuck off in the middle of the night and hauled ass to the lakeside stable near lake floria, used the money she’d made from fishing to rent a horse until she could find and tame her own, and abandoned lurelin. she left a note, told everyone what she was up to, but didn’t go back for a long time. now she goes back a lot, it’s how she makes her living after all, spreads lurelin’s good name and gets them (and herself) lots of business. 

-shadow is a merchant as well, sort of, sells really only meat and the odd gems and precious materials he can scrounge. it’s more a side-job, a way to get pocket money, because mostly he bums off the others- takes some fish and crabs from blue’s hauls to sell, stays at vio’s house during the winters, you get the picture. no one’s sure of his origin; everyone just assumes hylian. his dirty little secret is that he’s an ex-yiga, successfully emancipated. not something he wants to share with anyone, obviously. because of that, though, he’s inherently and irreparably tied to ganon- and, by extension, the blood moon. it isn’t something he shares until years after he’s met the squad™ and gotten comfortable with them, and that’s a main driving point in the au for me: finding out how (and if it’s possible) to free shadow from ganon’s influence.

-green is half-gerudo and raised fully hylian, in a more or less single-parent household, as his mother has many duties to attend to in the gerudo royal guard. he’s very close with his father and they probably send postcards back and forth even if they only travel to the market. he works as a mercenary of sorts: a for-hire monster slayer. he’s a huge history buff, has always loved reading about ganon and his previous incarnations, and was enamored with the idea of being in the princess’s guard detail since he was very little. that, of course, is not possible, so monster-hunting is the next best thing (he’s deathly afraid of keese, though.) he really likes shield surfing even though he’s not great and usually ends up with scraped knees and a dented shield afterwards. and if he isn’t fulfilling a contract or rolling down hills or hanging with his dad he’s probably gardening. he likes gardening. (he sucks at gardening. everything dies. even cacti.)

-red is zelda’s (not the princess) little brother. he’s not really sure what he wants to do quite yet, but he, unlike green, is good at gardening and sometimes helps out hateno’s farmers for some money, and sometimes just because he’s a nice person. also, he found out while trying to make zelda a birthday gift that he’s very good at the more delicate parts of metalworking, stuff like wire-wrapping and the intricate designs like the zora do. he’s thinking about following through with that, but it’s not a definite. he likes exploring a lot, too, but he was never given any formal training in fighting, so he’s leery of it until he gets some proper instruction from the others.

-zelda is not THE zelda, in this au. she was named after The Princess Zelda™ as an honor and a tribute to the latent princess, as many have come to call her. she bears the name with pride (as she should). she’s a seamstress, mostly, with a good eye for detail, and aspiring to learn the spear, because, yknow, weapons are fun, and she needs to protect her little bro. she’s not always with the squad, she has things to attend to in hateno and needs to develop her trade, but when she does she absolutely kicks green off his throne and starts calling the shots, with vio as her tactical advisor and blue as her bodyguard. also she doesn’t let anything near red, ever. she kicks ass, end of story.

some fun, random facts:

-vio’s horse’s name is mocha. he got her when she was just a filly, and raised her himself. and as a silly, literal-minded child, her coat reminded him of coffee. (she’s a sooty bay quarter horse with a mane like a palomino’s, and an irregular blaze and snip on her face.)

-do not, ever, challenge blue to a spar. she’ll knock you on your ass with her spear in .5 seconds. she also teaches zelda how to work a spear. technically the form isn’t correct, as she was brought up taught how to spearfish, but it works well enough.

-red is insanely resistant to changes in temperature. he and zelda lived in hebra for a little over a decade, before their mother died and they moved to hateno. zelda bundles up in 4+ layers if the temperature dips below 70, but red? 40 degrees, he’s out in shorts and a tank top. he lives. whenever they kill a wizzrobe he’s given its rod. no one else can be trusted. he also makes killer hot chocolate.

-green is very good with history but can’t be trusted with maps. he just… doesn’t know how to read them, somehow. if you ask him where any historical landmark is he can give you its coordinates, latitude and longitude and regional climate, but hylia help him if he has to use a map.

-zelda, practiced as she is with her fingers from all her years of seamstressing, is an excellent pickpocket. she doesn’t admit it, and doesn’t want people to know for fear of tarnishing the good noble name of zelda. but she can take your wallet, your keys, your child and your heart and you’d be none the wiser. how could such a sweet girl with such a dignified name do anything of the sort?

-much as shadow likes to brag about being the “””tough guy”””, hes Not. sees a keese? screams. moblin? nope, let the other guys take this one. he and green do bond over hating keese. but otherwise he’s mercilessly teased, once he’s found out. it’s part of the reason he ditched the yiga- too many dealings with those things. he eventually gets over it, because he has to, but he is NOT happy about it.

-red and zelda kick ass at snow surfing. it was their favorite thing to do when they lived in hebra. they’d put selmie to shame. they can shred a mountain like shawn white all day and go back for more the next morning. don’t dispute their titles. it will end poorly for you.

-blue whittles. it’s a big stress reliever, keeps her hands busy, and it was a necessary skill in lurelin, where new fishing spears had to be made nearly every day. she’s also pretty good at basket weaving, for the same reasons, although the lack of sharp objects in it pushes her more towards whittling.

-vio makes his own bows and arrows. along the same vein as blue’s whittling, it’s something to do and at least that way he’s assured of its quality. sometimes they trade projects, or they’ll randomly etch things into vio’s bow, like a strange and permanent game of telephone. more than once she’s carved a dick into his bow. it would be covered in them if vio didn’t find a way to make them into abstract works of art. he tried to retaliate, once, and carved one into the staff of blue’s spear. she picked it out in gold leaf and wore it like a badge of honor until that particular spear broke (embedded in a lynel’s flank). your move, vio.

-they split the task of making food, usually:

green is good at cooking, insofar that vegetables/herbs are involved. if you add meat it’ll taste like garbage. but he’s very good with vegetables. 

zelda is insanely good with spices and sauces and if you let her she’ll burn your tongue out. they get into competitions, to see who can withstand her stuff the longest. no one can beat her. she is feared and respected. mostly feared.

blue does the seafood, predictably. it’s a delicate and precise art, of which she is the master. usually she’s a huge fan of spices but on seafood she vetoes it (most of the time) because, as she puts it, “it’ll be f-ckin’ delicious without anything on top”. she’s right.

vio does all the fancy stuff. as a kid he’d get bored and just read whatever he could get his hands on- many of them were cookbooks. so if they’re looking for a big meal with a lot of weird obscure and really good (if small-portioned) stuff they’ll get him on it, and he delegates helpers from there depending on the dish.

red does mostly bread and desserts, his specialty being pastries and honey candies, and really anything heavily sugar-based. sometimes he’ll saute things in honey and it’s honestly to die for, even though a lot of it sounds kinda weird, like honey-glazed chicken thigh. just trust him. also his pasties are in VERY high demand on long journeys. 

shadow is bad at most things but he’s actually really good at soups, mostly because all it entails is throwing things in a pot with salt water and butter and waiting. he just has a good sense for what to throw in. other than that please never let him in a kitchen. he’ll burn it down, and then somehow manage to burn the ashes. trust red, don’t trust shadow.

-there’s a running joke that green was some kind of forest spirit in a previous life. wild animals will just walk right up to him as though they’ve known him a lifetime. deer will approach him, rabbits hop right up, foxes trail him, birds have landed on his head. no one knows why. he likes to name them, and gives them scraps of his dinner. it’s a sad affair when shadow, oblivious or just apathetic, makes them into the night’s dinner, but at least it’s made with love. green might (definitely) cry a little bit.

-vio has long hair, and one of the favorite traveling games to play is to see how much shit they can get into it before he notices. leaves, twigs, burrs, feathers, small rocks, literally anything is fair game as long as you can sneak it in without him knowing. and if there’s a special occasion, and everyone’s all dressed to the 9′s, and vio’s got his hair done up, they play a different game where they sneak the pins out of his hair one by one. whoever pulls the pin that undoes it completely loses and has to take responsibility for the whole thing. bets are placed, and vio absolutely gets revenge wherever possible. it doesn’t stop them.

[lunamanar]

have any favorite au's for FFVIII? bit of an au junkie here

AUs…yes, but they’re all mine, or shared AUs, haha, so I don’t have any fics to point you to, if that’s what you’re asking (again, I am not a good person to ask for fic recs because I am painfully slow to read…when I have the time, I prefer to write). All of them are pretty Squall/Rinoa-centric, still. That part never changes. 

But, to name a few: 

- I have an expansive headcanon about witch/sorceress history and what things were like before Centra was ruined by the Cry. While I think it plays just fine with canon in its own right, it’s just kinda fun for me to imagine Squall and Rinoa living in that time, instead of the game’s timeframe. I actually have several half-finished AUs which have them running into each other, under various circumstances, in that distant past. Of course, I set it up for them to have a relationship, haha, but the venue is just different enough, it’s a good way to explore their relationship in a slightly different way. For instance, in my past headcanon, Hyne’s descendants were both revered, and had acquired a totalitarian grip on the world’s political bodies, in spite of their relatively small numbers. They were seen as demigods, and feared as such…and their behavior as a ruling class, if not as a unified group, only served to fuel those fears. They enslaved people as it suited them, even bred and trained prospective Knights and kidnapped women who were known to be capable of receiving Hyne’s power to make bodyguards of them–all to ensure that they would have a source of augmented power/stability from the former, and someone to take their powers should they die, in the latter. It was how they maintained their power. 

But, Not All Sorceresses, yadda yadda. While being raised in one of these very political families, my AU!Rinoa came to despise the whole thing and figured on taking it all down. Depending on the exact story I was writing–I must have started over 15 or 20 times–Squall’s role was always a little different. In one version, he was part of an organized faction bent on hunting sorceresses to their extinction, and had met Rinoa while undercover at a fete–and yeah, a dance, har har–but stuff happened, his ‘mission’ was ruined, his base of operations destroyed, and…he really had nowhere to go, no one to contact. Except her. He knew enough to know she was a rebel among sorceresses (and in this story she’d been one since her mother died). He took a risk and sought her out. Story story blah blah blah from there. 

In another version, he was one of slaves, either kidnapped or bred (the former in his case) for the express purpose of being a Knight Prospect…or if he failed to be chosen, a soldier in a sorceress’s army, or a gladiator, or at the very least, a disposable source of energy, depending on which sorceress was buying. This one branches out even further…in one variation, he was chosen by a reluctant Rinoa, as much to pull him out of those abusive conditions as because she admittedly liked him. In another, she lived near the “school” which trained him and they bumped into each other when she’d escaped her home at night in an angry huff after a fight with her father and tutors; he was hiding out on the edge of a recreational area, avoiding various other people on his campus. Both scenarios made for some really good dialogue bits, and I like playing with the idea of sorceresses as being viewed as a sort of natural, even inevitable predator, when they were in their prime as a political force. It puts some weight on a particular aspect of Squall and Rinoa’s relationship that is very important to me (and which I guard jealously, if I’m honest). 

In yet another version, he was unrelated to any of that, and was just a sort of no-one’s-man, having spent his life living with and, ultimately, caring for Ellone after she herself became a sorceress. She fought the power…and it slowly ate her alive because of it. He knew nothing about it, had no access to the education he’d need to help her, so he watched her wither away. When she eventually died, he was consumed by grief, and wandered for quite some time before Rinoa found him (by chance, because I’m the writer and I said so dammit). Or he found her. Another variation, but it doesn’t matter too much, either way. In this scenario, he has nothing left. He either sees her coming for him, and figuring she’s probably going to kill him, puts up a surprising fight before collapsing under her power, or he sees her first, and after a great deal of consideration, comes out of the shadows and, when he can be coaxed to speak, more or less gives himself up, once again imagining she’ll just drain him to death like sorceresses are known to do. Of course, that doesn’t quite happen. 

Oh, and it’s not uncommon for other characters to follow them to these once-removed universes, but for the purposes of answering your question, it’s easier to just focus on how it affects Rinoa and Squall.

You can find similar themes in both my AUs and my canon-based fanfiction…Maaayyybe it’s because, from a writing standpoint, I came to this fandom from a horror fiction perspective…though I wouldn’t classify most of my FFVIII writing as horror, mind–it’s actually a departure from the sort of story I’m typically drawn to–but I’m kind of fascinated with both tension and resolution in violent power dynamics, and predator/prey symbiosis is a big one for me. There’s a lot about FFVIII’s world that sets up and leaves a lot of room for that sort of relationship between both Hyne’s power and its host, as well as sorceresses and their knights. 

Obviously, that’s my headcanon/interpretation, but it’s one of the things I saw right away when I first played the game, and it’s stuck with me ever since. So any time I wander off into an AU to sandbox with an idea, that concept is never too far away. The scenery changes, the timeframe, sometimes even the world they’re living in, regardless of the context, Squall and Rinoa are just perfect for messing around with power dynamics in relationships, for a lot of reasons, and while that’s certainly not all I write about in regards to them–no no no, there’s plenty of teen angst and abandonment issues and poignant connection and entertaining domestics and all of that is important to me, too–it definitely is a mainstay, and I enjoy exploring it under a multitude of different lenses and filters. 

[the-cryptographer]

Sonic X!Rogue/Knuckles for the meme

B-But I haven’t watched more than five episodes ofSonic X  :’)  I actually hadn’t seen any of it prior to about a month ago? I’d like to watch more but it’s a work in progress, anon.

So the only real KnuxRouge content I’m familiar with is the second SonicAdventure. That’s where most of this is coming from. Under the cut~

when I started shipping it if I did:

When Knuckles saved her from falling after theirbattle at Meteor Herd. They had the hand hold moment. And then Rouge called hima creep that only saved her so that he could hold her hand. A+ dialogue. It wasgood. Very good.

my thoughts:

idk, KnuxRouge is very tropey, but I am weak. Therewas a femme fatale character. There was a sweet and strong and smart but inexperienceand dense af guy who probably wouldn’t know what flirting was if it kissed himon the nose. There was a conflict based in different ideological values. I’msorry, it was inevitable.

I suspect I would’ve started shipping it earlier ifI had played this game later in my life. At that time I was a little moretentative and relying on canon evidence before shipping. Now I’m all aboutmixing strong personalities and romance in hypothetical combinations and fuckcanon.

What makes me happy about them:

They’re both strong characters who seem to carrymore or less equal weight in the collision of their relationship. I’m actuallykind of surprised that the writers managed to not make it so that Rouge wasn’tovershadowed by Knuckles, despite the fact that he already had an established placein the series.

Also, I like that there’s a certain amount of…unseriousness to their struggle. A playfulness. Unlike Sonic and Eggman andTails legit murder attempts… For all the heatedness of Knuckles and Rouge clashingin their different ideas about duty and responsibility, when things ultimately startedtaking a more serious and fatal turn, they both came through for each otherinstead of for themselves. (I kind of joked about this before, but I do kind ofwonder if Rouge and shattering the Master Emerald do become part of a flimsyexcuse for Knuckles to justify leaving the tedium of sitting around on AngelIsland playing bodyguard to a rock.)

And, aw, the banter is fun.

What makes me sad about them:

That SA2’s plot is so, soooo bad. In terms of thisship in specific, it makes me sad that their big moment is the second time Rougewas damseled over the course of this game. And neither time she’s damseledmakes even the slightest bit of sense. What?!She’s going to fall from a great height into a pit of space lava?! She’s afucking bat!!! She can fly!!! And arguably she won that fightagainst Knuckles and, aaaaargh!!! Andthen the first time she’s damseled, she’s trapped in the military base by thepeople she’s working for as a double agent. It just makes zero sense. The plotof this game was so filled with holes and contrived BS. And I’m not evengetting into the gameplay mechanics. Ship deserved better.

In a less meta and more in-universe sense… I dothink in a romantic or otherwise emotionally intimate context, Rouge is aboutfive thousand times more adept than Knuckles. She could run circles around him,and I’m not sure you could trust her not to be manipulative about it, even ifshe had the best intentions. And she doesn’t always have the best intentions…

things done in fanfic that annoy me & things I look for in fanfic:

I haven’t really read any in detail. I pulled upsome Sonic stuff recently and was reminded uncomfortably of fanfiction relatedtropes specific to fandoms dominated by male fans. A lot of power fantasystuff, and dark morality themes that liked to think themselves complex but werereally simplistic and unsubtle, and female characters being victimised orotherwise uncritically robbed of their agency. None of this was about Knouge,but it kinda put me off the fandom. I’m sure there’s good fic hiding somewhere,but it put me off on looking for it for the time being.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

um, idk? I have a fondness for Julie-Su/Knuckles inthe comics, even though I do think the characterisation work wasn’t always veryclever. I like the other lady Echidnas with Knux too – so Knuckles/Tikal andKnuckles/Shade are both okay, imo. I think the Knuckles/Sally friendship in thecomics was really well constructed – the way it was set up around them havingthese similar but conflicting obligations was really clever – it couldtheoretically make a great romance. And for some reason I feel utterly charmedby the idea of Knuckles/Shadow after seeing those couple of comics about them.

For Rouge… I really don’t know… I know Rouge/Shadowis popular, and I think it could be good in the hypothetical – certainlythey’ve made a more stable team than Rouge&Knux – but… idk, in terms ofcanon it feels like there’s been quite a bit of Rouge taking interest in andcare towards Shadow as an individual, and not a lot of reciprocation whereShadow really considers Rouge beyond her capacity as an ally. It just seemslike a relationship very centred around /his/ needs and /his/ existential angst.Even when Shadow goes out of his way to save Rouge’s life, it feels like it’sset up as Shadow wanting to come to terms with his own morality and define forhimself what he’s spiritually capable of rather than ‘wow, I care about Rougenot dying’. All of which kind of turns me away from the idea that Shadow would everbe romantically interested in her in a way that could possibly respect that shehas her own needs and goals and values. I mean, I think this is up forinterpretation, and I think their relationship is interesting and could developin all sorts of ways… so I’m not really against the ship, but I remain kind ofunconvinced as of now.

Ugh, I feel like Rouge femslash should be where it’sat, but… who would I pair her with other than Amy? (no.) jfc, why are importantsonic female characters in such short supply?!? and why isn’t Rouge close toany of them?!?

My happily ever after for them:

Rouge decides to stash her hoard of gems on AngelIsland. She reasons that, because they’re stored with the Master Emerald, theMaster Emerald is also part of her collection. Knuckles humours her.

I think they’re often occupied with their ownobsessions and work. They probably spend long months away from each other whenKnuckles is doing Guardian work of one type or another, and Rouge is offtreasure hunting or working as a spy. They kind of reconvene and do battlecouple things together. They probably like travelling and treasure huntingtogether too, or otherwise visiting friends on the mainland.

I’m not sure how interspecies furry babies work, butthey may have a kid. ‘One. Only one,’Rouge says. The kid spends more time with Knuckles, training to be the nextGuardian. But they’re a little more enamoured with Rouge’s lifestyle – has a tastefor grand adventure and glamour. Knuckles’s life is struggle. Much compromise andreworking the system happens in the process of trying to reconcile expectations.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Rouge is little spoon.A little more like their animal counterparts, I imagine Knuckles is about twiceRouge’s size. So it’s very big big spoon, and very little little spoon.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

I think it’s included in that happy ending up there.Treasure hunting? Visiting friends? Digging through archaeological sitestogether, maybe. Does that overlap too much with treasure hunting? It’s aboutthe journey rather than the destination, though~

They both like swimming too right? They visit hiddenhot springs and oases and relax.

Thanks anon!!

[ladala99]

Pokemon XD: A Modern Review

Something I see somewhat often is people wishing there were more games like Pokemon Colosseum and XD. Up until recently, I was really confused by this: the main draw of these games were POKEMON IN 3D! and we have that in the main series now, so what’s the point?

Well, I got to wanting a Lucky Egg in Gen III, and decided out of playing the entirety of the copy of XD I never got to, and going on a frustrating Chansey hunt in FireRed, XD would be the more enjoyable course of action.

I’ve just recently finally obtained my prize after a long and harsh game, and I now understand why people miss it. It’s not the 3D (but it certainly doesn’t hurt), it’s the battles. It provides a fundamentally different experience to the main series, even now, and now I join those wishing for something else like it.

But as great as it is, it has its flaws. I’m going to review it now in the context of now, and see how it holds up to GameFreak’s latest games.

Graphics

I’ll start off the review by looking at the graphics. Simply stated: they don’t compare with the Alola games.

The polygon count is low, especially for Gen I Pokemon. Their models were not updated from the Stadium series, and it shows. Trainers appear in battles, always behind the Pokemon, and they just look ugly. Although there are a couple of interesting designs (notably Lovrina, who looks a lot like a certain Team Skull Admin), for the most part they’re dull and unremarkable.

The environments are also not very interesting-looking in comparison. Alola is vibrant and has a few different landscapes. XD takes place in a desert, and mainly indoors in places that look made of tin. There’s a couple pretty places, but you don’t spend that much time in them in comparison to the ugly places.

One plus though, is the animations of the Pokemon. They take a long time, but they are filled with personality that the main series never matches. Especially the more cartoony animations of the Gen I and II Pokemon from the Stadium games, such as Misdreavus disappearing into its necklace and Vileplume melting when fainting.

Story

It’s probably unfair to compare XD to Alola, but I’m going to anyway. XD’s story is almost non-existent. Spoilers follow for XD if you care, so skip this section if you do.

It starts off with your friendly professor being kidnapped after he has designed a Snag Machine for the remote possibility that Cipher will be back. Surprise surprise, they are back. After rescuing him, you just go to various places where they’re stated to be in hopes to stop their clearly evil plans and snag their Shadow Pokemon. They’re also talking about this amazing un-purifyable Pokemon that they’re trying to make.

They do all sorts of evil things, like turning Pokemon from the destroyed SS Libra Shadow (where are their trainers?), having two bases, and attempting to replace everyone in a town with imposters. I seriously don’t know what the last has to do with anything other than giving you another place to go.

You annoy them enough and eventually they reveal that their main base is on this place called Citadark Isle. You go there, snagging every Shadow Pokemon you can, find out that their unpurifiable Shadow Pokemon is Lugia, Snag it and all of their leader Greevil’s team, and Cipher is stopped for good.

Also, after you defeat Greevil, it turns out his bodyguards are his sons and one didn’t really want to be evil. There’s a touching moment that was never foreshadowed, and the credits play. Like, I didn’t care about these guys at all.

Compare this to Sun and Moon where I care deeply about nearly everyone involved, especially those on the evil teams, and it’s a no-brainer which is better. Cinematics in Sun and Moon also are far superior, as characters other than the protagonist emote during cutscenes, and there are actual camera tricks used. Say what you want about your ability to skip them, but since I don’t play the same game in a row too often, and I always read the dialogue, Sun and Moon do way better.

Gameplay - Shadow Pokemon

I’m actually going to cut Gameplay into a few sections because there’s many aspects to it. The first is Shadow Pokemon.

In main series, including Sun and Moon, when you enter a battle, you have a single goal. If it’s a wild battle, it might be to gain experience or it may be to capture the opposing Pokemon. If it’s a trainer battle, you want to win.

In XD (and Colosseum), you do both in the same battle. And that is one thing that makes these battles much more intense. It’s often easy to win. It’s not so easy to have your attention divided between defeating certain Pokemon and not defeating others. Surviving against Pokemon who hit you with Super Effective attacks 100% of the time while not trying to defeat them, relying on luck that they’ll stay in the ball.

And here’s where one of the mechanics from Gen III that was changed in Gen IV really messes with you: if a Pokemon is defeated, the next is immediately sent out, and if you have both Pokemon targeting a single slot, your second Pokemon will attack the next Pokemon to come out. Which may be a Shadow Pokemon with extremely low defensive stats.

That combined with some battles which must be fought in a row, and you get a pretty naturally difficult game.

Gameplay - Double Battles

This one isn’t better or worse - just different. And different is good! After you catch your first Shadow Pokemon, every battle in the game (aside from some Battle CDs) is a Double Battle. Double Battles have different tactics to Singles, and thus different Pokemon are good in them.

It also really helps with multitasking when capturing Shadow Pokemon. Throw a ball and see if it works, and if it doesn’t, have an attack aimed at it. Or throw balls trying to get the Shadow Pokemon out of the fight while you aim attacks at the non-Shadow.

Double battles also leave your opponents able to take advantage of Double Battle strategies. Some as simple as using Rain Dance when they have a Water-type also on the field, while others include using Earthquake when all their other Pokemon have Levitate or are Flying-type.

Gameplay - Pokemon Variety

For a game where you can nearly only obtain Pokemon by stealing them from others, there’s a pretty hefty list of unique species available, even before the final dungeon.

This includes 46 unique Shadow Pokemon, 9 Pokemon from Poke Spots, and 4 Pokemon from in-game trades all before the final dungeon.

For comparison, Kanto has 79 unique Pokemon families in the entire Pokedex, including Legendaries and Pokemon only available late-game. Add in all 36 endgame Shadow Pokemon, and we have ourselves a Pokedex of considerable size!

Obviously, that’s not anywhere near how many are available in Alola, but considering how many Pokemon total there were then, it was a pretty impressive number!

Gameplay - Difficulty

The AI is idiotic. I found that most of the time, when an opponent has a move that’s Super Effective on one of my Pokemon, and Not Very Effective on the other, they’ll use it on the Pokemon it’s Not Very Effective against.

Which is great because of all the other things stacked against you. I used a team of purified Pokemon after the beginning, which meant I had no defense against Shadow Pokemon. The fact that the non-Shadows were being idiots made my survivability easier.

What’s not fun is the level curve, especially on Citadark Isle. It starts out in the low 30s and ends at six Shadow Pokemon around level 50. There are not enough trainers to make up this difference, so unless you’re using the Shadow Pokemon you’re snagging along the way, you’ll need to take extensive trips to Mt. Battle to get your level up, and that isn’t fun.

Sun and Moon do way better in this regard, with the dynamic experience system. Simply having that would have made XD a lot more doable without extensive grinding sections.

In general, though, Shadow Pokemon fights make XD hard. Totem Pokemon fights make Sun and Moon hard. There’s more Shadow Pokemon fights in XD than Totem Pokemon fights in Sun and Moon, so XD is in general harder. Perhaps not in individual fights, however.

Gameplay - Tutorial

XD has a tutorial, but it’s completely optional and kinda out-of-the-way. You can do some Battle Sims in the first area that teach the basics, but they’re kinda tedious to do.

I’d say it’s better for veterans than Sun and Moon, but definitely worse for newcomers. But the Stadium series (which XD is a successor to) was never for newcomers anyways, so it’s not really needed. It’s a good bone to throw at newcomers so they aren’t completely lost, though.

Gameplay - Progress

Definitely one of XD’s weaknesses is how difficult it is to gauge how far you are into the game. The main series has a definite amount of badges (or Trials), so you know, depending on how many badges you currently have, relatively how far into the game you are. Similarly, in Alola, you know there are four islands and seven/eight trials.  You can tell how far you are by how many trials you have done.

There is no gauge like that in XD. You can kinda tell when you’re getting far into the game because your map starts looking full, but still more locations are added beyond that. The closest gauge is the Shadow Monitor, but you only get the data for the Shadow Pokemon you haven’t found yet right before you enter the final level. And it’s pretty obvious that it’s the final level.

Now, not every game has this sort of progress gauge, so it’s not a bad thing to lack. Still, I found myself seeking out guides not because I didn’t know what to do, but because I wanted to know how much I had left. The game sends you on so many quests that seem irrelevant that it was hard to tell if it was ramping up, or if I still had a long ways to go.

Gameplay - The Lucky Egg

I’m just going to mention that in order to get the Lucky Egg, you not only have to complete the story, but also finish a round in a facility that matches your level, and your opponents have EV trained and IV bred Pokemon. They also have actual strategy (luck-based ones in this round) and AI that doesn’t hold back.

Also, there’s nothing between the end and it, and the lowest level the opponents can be is 10 levels higher than Lugia.

I imported an in-game team that I made that abuses Sandstorm and I feel like I earned that Lucky Egg. It took a few, extremely frustrating, tries. And that was after an extended visit to Mt. Battle because they were only level 54-56.

Conclusion

XD, while it doesn’t look as great as Sun and Moon, is a unique experience which doesn’t disappoint. It even gets frustratingly difficult at times. I was shouting “Oh, come on!” at my screen so many times, when I really only did that twice in Ultra Moon (both times against Necrozma).

What stands out the most, though, is that it isn’t a game for beginners. GameFreak has said that the 2019 titles will be aimed at veterans, so I wonder how those will compare.