#obviously we know otherwise now but fuck dude just seriously

[teja-has-puppet-autism]

I am thinking about the dumbest small lie my now ex-friend told me which was just

"I have this random 70s song stuck in my head, and I have no idea where it comes from"

and it's the fucking tiktok trending "there's a murder on the dance floor" thing

they just know I'm not on tiktok and wouldn't know it like. Brother, WHAT did you gain from a lie like that...

[atanx]

James Somerton's "A Measured Response": A Measured Response

so I watched a reupload of the video because idk i like to torture myself. and i took a bunch of notes:

“I tried to be a voice for every member of the queer community, but that was a failed endeavour before it even started.”

what a strange way to say ‘I tried making it seem like I’m the only queer creator and stole from and actively harmed people in the queer community. knowingly. purposefully. and when I was called out in the past I tried to hide it.'

“I'm a cis, white, gay man. No matter how much I try to be a good spokesperson, I can never really, truly, understand the life experiences of other, far more put upon,  members of the queer community.”

so of course I stole and hid work from the people I can't understand, gutting it of their personal experiences and refused to redirect my audience to those people so that they can enrich themselves and hear about issues pertaining them from someone who actually does understand.

“...one of the reasons I used their own words. But I should have made it clear that that was what I was doing.”

BITCH YOU STOLE. YOU GUTTED THEIR STORIES OF MEANINGFUL PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. YOU WEREN'T USING THEIR WORDS TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND YOU WERE MILKING THEM FOR CONTENT AND DEPRIVING PEOPLE OF ACTUAL, SOULFUL, MEANINGFUL ARTICLES AND BOOKS AND DOCUMENTARIES AND VIDEOS THEY COULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING INSTEAD.

“Being a cis white man I thought I might win over some people who otherwise wouldn't listen.”

Yeah sure. Because racist transphobes are going to be watching your badly plagiarised gay film analysis.

“I would also like to apologise to Jessie Gender, who is one of the kindest people I ever met. Through my hot-headedness, I drew her into this anger spiral.”

‘through my hotheadedness.’. shirking responsibility onto an ‘ingrained personality trait of yours’ I see.

if you are so honestly sorry for being an asshole to Jessie why don't you fucking apologise to her directly? privately? not as a way to boost your own fucking image??

he's trying to earn good will by complimenting Jessie Gender “oh he knows to compliment an awesome person we have that in common I guess he can't be so bad after all” fuck you I recognise your strategies and it's gross to drag Jessie into this like that, she spoke out against you and you are trying to imply some sort of friendship or something between you. okay I cannot UNDERSTATE the way he tries to make it seem like they are close in some way and sort of drag her onto his side that's so fucking despicable. as far as I know Jessie Gender does not have a relationship with him of any kind?

once again bringing up death threats I see. obviously death threats are shite and anyone who threatens the dude in seriousness or harasses him will not see the light of heaven as Hbomberguy said but IN AN APOLOGY YOU DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU THAT'S MANIPULATION

also blaming the police for not clarifying a situation in a timely manner - the police are a flaming pile of garbage and I hope the institution explodes but NOT SAYING ANYTHING WAS YOUR CHOICE. THE POLICE DIDN'T MAKE YOU DO SHIT THERE

the problem isn't that you tried to “create a channel where all queer people could be safe”, the problem is that 1) you are a misogynist 2) you yourself engaged in transphobic behaviour and 3) you also actively supressed queer people's voices. The problem isn't that you supposedly wanted a space for all queer people, the problem is that you tried to MONOPOLISE queer literature analysis. fuck, queer doesn't look like a word anymore I've written it too many times now

(paraphrased) “I should have been helping with making queer people's voices discoverable” this makes it seem like he just didn't do anything and not like the reality that he was actively trying to rewrite history and bury LQBTQIA+ voices under his steaming pile of garbage

also BLAMING YOUTUBE AND THE ALGORITHM FOR ‘PUSHING HIM’ because he's cis and white, like maybe they did, I certainly wouldn't be surprised, but that is not why other creators suffered, a large part of that can be attributed to James Somerton stealing their work without any acknowledgement whatsoever apart maybe if they are lucky, a “based on” in the credits or their name flashing on screen for half a second.

“I should have done more to share the voices of other queer people” THAT IMPLIES YOU DID SOMETHING. YOU WERE ACTIVELY WORKING AGAINST THAT YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT-

“it was just my dweam to be a youtubew and when my videos gained twaction i felt pwessuwed to make mowe vewy quickly and that's why they wewe so shit uwu” fuck off you weren't pressured into shit you just wanted to make money and that's why you were a content mill

“early on I thought that crediting authors in the opening credits alone was enough” what about the times YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT??? YOU'RE MAKING THIS SEEM LIKE THE DRAMA IS ABOUT YOU CREDITING PEOPLE WRONG WHEN ITS ABOUT YOUR SYSTEMATIC THEFT AND OPPRESSION OF THOSE YOU CLAIM TO MAKE VIDEOS FOR AND ABOUT AND THOSE YOU CLAIM TO MAKE A SAFE SPACE FOR. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WATCHES YOUR VIDEOS?? WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU CAN'T JUST PLAY IT DOWN

not him using Hbomberguy's example of the DEEP CUTS: SOCIETY AND QUEER HORROR video and claiming he credited all people in the opening scene when Hbomberguy highlighted he DIDNT EVEN CREDIT MOST OF THEM FUCK OFF ARE YOU DELUSIONAL HOW DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

I think I'm going insane this all seems so blatantly fake. he brings up the evil queens video and how he asked Sean Griffin, retroactively, permission to include his work in the video. and he shows a ‘screenshot’ of an email Griffin allegedly wrote to thank him for putting him in the title-card and that he thinks it is ‘a very thoughtful video’. only the text of the email header, such as Griffin's name, the RE:, and the To: is a lot smaller than the ‘text’ in the email, which leads me to believe that the below text is edited in some way. And with how hard James is trying to rewrite history, it wouldn't surprise me if he literally rewrote the email or cut things out to present himself in a more positive light. obviously I can't prove that the email is fake but I'll just say that I think the likelihood is very high that it is.

the way he says this also implies that he asked for permission after he made the video but hadn't published it yet. which is also blatantly false.

again trying to waltz off responsibility on nick, saying he was much more interested in production and implying that nick did all the writing .

“nick and I had both grown up poor so when I lost my job in 2021 (approx.) we of course were desperate and turned to producing videos even quicker and plagiarising the fuck out of all of them! but we can't help it we were both poor as kids!” fuck off, you weren't poor when plagiarising every-fucking-thing, this was in “the second year of COVID”. obviously if they really did grow up poor that sucks, and that's why we should eat the rich and redistribute their money. not plagiarise people who partly are poor or not financially cushy and manipulate thousands of people into believing you are the only queer creator.

also milking his mom's cancer. if you were really that worried about your financial situation, one would think that you would get an actual job for security and not put everything into your youtube career that is unstable, especially considering you've already done a lot of plagiarism and have no intention of stopping. “oh I plagiarised because my mom had cancer QAQ” that is so digusting to use a person's medical condition like that.

“i have memory issues because of a head injury i suffered as a child and that's why I plagiarise badly. see, I copy pasted the text with the intention to rephrase it later but forgot.” that would still be fucking plagiarism if he'd done that, also, if he's so aware of his memory issues and how they lead to him plagiarising, why didn't he try to work around that? leave himself notes? or tell nick to remind him to integrate actual proper credit and citations before uploading a video? mark the plagiarised stuff in the document with like highlighter or so when you're pasting it in?? oh but he didn't do all of that because he has ADHD. now, ADHD can be debilitating, but he says it's recently diagnosed so it must not have caused a lot of problems for him so far, so it's probably not severe and even if it is, it doesn't excuse him not crediting people properly. stop fucking hiding behind things ‘you can’t change' because if you truly can't you probably shouldn't be doing this in the first place.

“my mom really wanted me to make a movie with her life insurance but that wasn't paid out so I decided to crowdfund it. i planned to underpay the actors so hard it was under union wages. we got more money than we were expecting and upgraded to wanting to film a feature (final girl) but i didn't want to start working on it until the campaign was over for some reason that totally isn't me just wanting to exploit people for money!”

I'm not gonna go into the Telos stuff but he tries to explain it by claiming it was very unorganised and that's why they constantly ran into issues and that's why nothing ever got done and they were JUST about to start doing stuff when the Hbomberguy video released. You know what, I can believe it, although I am very doubtful considering all James ever does is lie. Idk. 

once again trying to excuse his plagiarism with needing to pay two rents and thus needing to make more videos for more sponsors and not having the time to not plagiarise like please. i don't believe that they were in that dire need of money and if they were - just get a fucking stable job and put youtube on the backburner. 

also once again trying to make it all about him by once again talking about his suicide attempt and death threats. like. no one should suffer through that kind of mental anguish but honestly I cannot bring myself to feel sympathy for this man. and i see this as an attempt to gather pity points.

“nick worked very hard on these videos other three years and it's unfair to [them] (james says that they're non-binary but doesn't indicate their pronouns anywhere? and in the beginning he uses they/them but later only he/him so idk what their pronouns are but it seems like they/them is at least part of their pronouns so i'm just going to use that) that they all got taken down” well y'all shouldn't have fucking plagiarised then. let this be a lesson maybe and don't fucking show your face on youtube again!

he is fucking relaunching his channel. like james. this isn't something you come back from. no one will ever be able to trust you ever again and you don't deserve an audience. he claims all the revenue will go to Hbomberguy's fund but we have no way to verify this. we have no way to know just how much he makes and how much of that is actually going to the fund. i don't trust him with any money. which is why i watched a reupload rather than the original. he's also releasing a new video he claims is entirely by him. like?????? don't???????

he also might not relaunch his existing patreon but he's still making a new one.

he claims he will “work his ass off” to make non-plagiarised videos. like that isn't “working your ass off” that's the bare fucking minimum. I really want to trust him. and I want to believe he'll actually try to do better. and maybe he will. and i believe in second chances, even for someone as despicable as him. but throughout this video he has continuously tried to play down what he did. tried to make excuses for everything. and that's why i am not going to give him a second chance. if he can't even admit what he did i don't trust him to not do it again. and i also just plainly don't want to endorse a person making such arguments.

also, he plugs his fucking new patreon right after this.

“this video is not about me promoting myself. it's about me apologising.” the only fucking person you actually ‘apologised’ to is Jessie Gender. 

James Somerton: makes a billion fucking excuses. Also James Somerton: “These are not excuses. There is no excuse for what I did.”

this entire video was just a publicity stunt. he tries to humanise himself and repair his image. this is just a tool to be able to continue on and continue making money.

he also still claims the disney video was based on the Celluloid Closet and he credited the author and ignores that this wasn't the only author he fucking plagiarised in that video. he is trying to reduce his plagiarsm to incorrect crediting and mistakes and that is disgusting.

the least he could have done was mention by name out loud every author he plagiarised and what work he plagiarised. not just say “uuuh i'm sorry to everyone I plagiarised QAQ”

[msunitedstatesjames]

I finally finished Light Bringer. Here's my thoughts (obviously, spoilers incoming):

-First and formost, RIP to the king of my heart, Cassius Bellona. The worst part about his death is that you know it's coming the whole book. You don't take a character like him, a former enemy, give him a solid redemption arc, make him the most ABSURDLY likeable character and source of all humor in the book, and then not kill him off. But still, I held out a tiny bit of hope. I really dreaded getting to the end of this book just because I knew it would be coming. But, you had to respect the way he went out at least. Dude's gonna be legend if that counts for anything.

-So, The Abomination was WORRYINGLY absent from this book, aside from a couple of mentions and that (maybe) he's Virginia's mysterious source of intel? Like, everyone is worried about how Atalantia is sitting around building up her power while everyone else is duking it out, but what about the Abomination? I know he's not anybody's most immediate threat in this book, but is anybody else extremely worried about what he's going to get up to in Red God?

-I was happy with the Virginia chapters we did get, but I hope she gets more time in Red God. Also, same to Victra. She was awesome in this book, as always, but like, I want to see you do even more destroying, girl. We love you. I also missed Electra.

-The Bromance in this book was next level, even by the standards previously set in this series. I loved having a little break from the relentless battles and death in Dark Age, to just get the dudes (and Lyria) hanging out and trying to work out their differences. This also helped get back some of the old humor I missed from earlier in the series.

-This was Lyria at her best in my opinion. She was great. I only wish we got to see more Lyria and Cassius because they were just so heart warming.

-Sevro is back! I loved getting to see the old Sevro make his triumphant return for the last third of the book or so. Sevro walking up to Gaia au Raa and just going, "shut up, crone," really made my day.

-Lysander has killed my favorite character of the book two books in a row now. And both times with a gun. I love how this dude talks about how he's secretly really good with a razor, but every time he's confronted with someone who's actually good at using one he just shoots them point blank. I know I've said this before, but seriously guys, fuck Lysander. I mean, even Atalantia is becoming more likeable than him. She may be an evil, power hungry tyrant, but at least she's pretty much honest about it. Everyone knows she's the worst and she barely bothers to pretend otherwise.

-Admittedly, it's been a few years since I've read the other books in the series, but this might be my favorite of the bunch. Pierce Brown really hit every emotional note and character perfectly in this one, and it felt a lot more balanced compared to the (necessary) bleakness of Dark Age.

[beemers-hell]

You've mentioned on Twitter how ebs relationships with hank and tricky is super different from each other, could you elaborate more?

was gonna draw something for this but once again! fatigue moment lol

Anyway! Yeah they're very different! And thats just cause of how Eb connects with the two! Its a very different set of circumstances between each dude, and she has recognized this and does shit differently depending on who it is she's being all lovey dovey with.

Like with Hank, the way she interacts with him is fairly low key, subtle. She knows he doesn't have much patience and he's always irritated and has a short fuse, and he's "Experiencing The Horrors 24/7", so the way she interacts with/loves on him is very subdued. She speaks quieter, in a less brash tone, she visually indicates she's gonna touch him before she tries doing something as small as grabbing his hand, she definitely does still intentionally get on his nerves and acts annoying towards him but she doesn't over do it; she knows what his limit for playfulness is and cuts it out when she sees he's not willing to entertain it anymore. I wouldn't really say she's "gentle" with him, because she isn't like changing her behavior to be sweeter and more kind with him; she's the same rude snarky jackass that she is with everybody. What she is is more considerate with how she handles him, cause she knows he can't handle the loud, big gestures that she affords to her other partners. And its not like she's changing herself Just For Hank cause he wouldn't be able to deal with her otherwise, she actively makes the choice to change her approach because she Can Do That and has no problem doing so. To expand on the example I provided on twt, with Hank shes like "I'm gonna annoy you because I know you get a certain level of fun out of being made to feel something but I know your limits and when I reach them well be considerate and slow with one another, thats how you know I love you" ykwim. They're very much the type of couple thats quiet and chill about it (until they're behind closed doors, if you get my drift lmao)

Now, with Tricky, she is EXPLOSIVE. She is LOUD and HYPER and goes fucking WILD when she's getting up to romantic hijinks and mischief with that mf. He doesn't have NEARLY the same needs as Hank does so he can just kind of fuck around and not suffer any personal consequences for it, and Eb obviously recognizes it. So the way she handles him is just by not restricting herself the same way she does ""normal"" (as in, not Tricky's level of out of your mind) people and let's full loose. They're loud, they scream alot, they grab wherever at each other whenever they feel like with no warning, they yell obscenities at each other and go out on a whim to do god knows what, they literally use the other like stim toys!! They're insane about each other! Like the example I provided on twt, ebs like "when I die for real promise me you'll devour my flesh and bones" and trickys like "oh fuck yeah I will" and then they squeeze the shit out of each other. They're very much the "heart bare on their sleeves, loud as fuck about it" type of couple!

The only real commonality between these relationships (aside from like, yanno, there being unconditional love felt between eb and tricky and eb and hank) is just that they're all really into fighting, obvs. And not like, argument type shit, I mean they will physically assault each other for fun because they all just like that sort of shit! Eb obvs knows she's not gonna be able to seriously injure/actually murder either Hank or Tricky (at least not without a weapon) but loves the adrenaline rush from putting herself in a position where she could either get her shit rocked or beat the shit out of someone. Hank and Tricky are just bloodthirsty anyway, we all know this. But they all know what's too far and what would be going over the line so its not like anything actually traumatizing is gonna happen between them and her whenever they battle. And plus, Eb kinda sees it as a trust affirming exercise, cause she knows damn well both Hank and Tricky could kill her at any moment's notice. So the fact that she will physically engage them like this and they will entertain it, but not go as far as to murder her without hesitation (or her approval, but that's a whole other thing), proves to her she can put the trust you have to put into someone in order to open your heart up to them romantically, yanno?

[cheap-jumpscare]

here's my thinks on the Natlan update

[PT: Here's my thinks on the Natlan update /end pt]

disclaimer i do not support hyv i simply like genshin let me BE also spoilers (mild- I haven't rlly done the archon quest yet) obviously. and typos too I just don't care much. the Grammarly browser extension hates me :3

p.s. i added image descriptions just to make this as accessible as possible! it was difficult but I hope it works aa

NEW FEATURES

[PT: new features /end pt]

FIRST THING I DID was check the free character. you can choose between jean, diluc, qiqi, mona, keqing, tighnari, and dehya. if you don't know who to pick; TIGHNARI IS EXTREMELY STRONG FOR A STANDARD. just a nudge in his direction

I also wanted to mention; CHARACTER TRIALS ARE DIFFERENT FOR KACHINA AND MUALANI. you collect pyro particles while beating up dudes along the trail. not too difficult but MASSIVE WHIPLASH. For other characters you get the old trials, which are really nice. I didn't want to get TOO many changes so it's something they ease you into.

Next is our awesome artifact thingy; the Artifact Transmuter. To get it, you open the 'book menu' (someone tell me what the actual name for it is) and it'll be there after you complete a prerequisite or two that I.. Did not pay attention to. I cannot find WHERE I got it exactly, I just received it for free. Afterward it'll appear in your gadgets.

As for how to use it; you use up your existing 5-star artifacts to get Sanctifying Elixir, which then can get turned into the artifacts you want. You need a LOT to get just one. Two highish-level artifacts brought me up to 29 points, and you need 100 to get ONE sanctifying essence.

After you do that, though, it's pretty straightforward! Lucky me, because I am admittedly not bright. The flowers get fixed main stats; otherwise, you can make custom artifacts! As far as I can see, every artifact set is craftable. Good news for us! Checking the wiki we run into an issue, though... You can only make one artifact of each set every cycle. Okay, not too bad hearing just that, right? This cycle is gonna last for over a month. 41 days as of this post being written.

Now that's absolutely fucking insane and kind of the dumbest thing ever. Seriously genshin you were doing SO WELL. But admittedly, I understand why they thought such a long wait would be necessary. To be entirely fair, it makes building characters HUNDREDS of times easier. You can just pick their best stats immediately and not have to perform more gambling than just leveling up the artifacts. Still.. That's not reasonable at all to me. I don't think the Chinese fanbase will be normal about it.

THE OTHER STUFF (NATLAN ITSELF KINDA)

[PT: the other stuff (natlan itself kinda) /end pt]

So.. We're here. The meat of the update. Oh boy. Where do we start.

Another disclaimer; I HAVE NOT REALLY PROGRESSED ALL THAT FAR IN THE STORY! I HAVENT MET ANY CHARACTERS OTHER THAN KACHINA AND THE VILLAGE SHE LIVES IN THATS ITTTTT. Regardless.

I'm starting with a funny visual bug that I really want to know if anyone else's experienced. My daughter with every disease. She looks so stupid oh my fucking god.

Like.. Kachina what did they do to you. POV my little sister watching me explain things (she has no idea what any of the words I'm using mean). This is a sticker in me and my sister's discord server now because she looks SO SILLY. Kachina I love you forever and ever you're now the funniest child alive to me. Diona prepare to gain a sister.

After that conversation YOU GET HER FOR FREE!!! Giant surprise to me as I had not intook ANY Natlan content prior- completely blind going into it all.

For me personally, the map itself was easy enough to unlock. There's one creature you can take control of that can sort of grappling-hook around like those specific spots in Sumeru, so it was easy to get around. That being said, I have only gotten the Statues of the Seven and not the TP waypoints.. I think I'll do my sister's in exchange for her doing mine.. (And also bc she got me Kirara's costume and pulled Yelan for me)

Moving on to pyro traveler; You do not get them immediately. Or at all. Until you beat the archon quest maybe? (Or at least get to a certain point? I wouldn't know.) Regardless, Kachina shows you the Statue of the Seven, which does not grant you pyro powers like we originally expect it to.

That's really all I have for Natlan itself. It's good, what can I say.

IN CONCLUSION..

[PT: in conclusion /end pt]

I love the Natlan update. It's fun, the new features are fun, the ability to just SKIP TO NATLAN is AMAZING (because I will admit I still haven't gone through Sumeru's storyline.. Sorry) and also the characters are all really fun so far! Kachina my daughter. I love her so, SO MUCH. She's adorable and I'd kill and die for her. Amen.

I am very loudly and proudly dissappointed in the lack of melanin, but I've noticed that is a fandom-wide complaint with the natlan trailer. Where are the darker skinned characters, genshin.. Where did you hide the fucking melanin. WHERE ARE THE BLACK CHARACTERS.

One thing I am very very "HOYOVERSE WHAT THE FUCK" about is that one of the NPCs you first see when meeting Kachina has locs. Both NPCs talking to her are black (albeit horrendously ashy). The chief of her tribe has an afro. I just. How is it so easy to do with NPCs but so hard for the playable characters. Yes, Kachina and Mualani have tans which I HAVE NOTICED and admittedly do like, but oh my god how hard is it to make a character that's darker than Xinyan or Kaeya. How hard is that. I'm screaming at you, Hoyo.

That's the end. Hope you all enjoyed my screaming into the void.

[theliterarywolf]

if you go into the totk tag or the totk ganondorf tag a lot of people say the game is racist because ganondorf is a dark skinned dude. lots of folk also say it's racist because they made him green because they're trying to hide the racism

Anonymous said: 😬😬😬 Oh God, not the fucking Ganondorf is racist because he's a dark dude, from a race of brown skin people discourse again. But in case you didn't know, yes totk has been called racist because it shows Big G as being "evil for no reason", Rauro is apparently racist because he colonized the entire hylian race and made himself king over them as a foreigner, and now oppresses the other races that way, and Ganondorf is the only one who stood against Rauro's god complex and is demonized for it.

This tired-ass argument again?!

My God, that shit-take isn't just the town bicycle, it's the post-Pride Parade Glory Hole, that's how tired and overdone it is!

It's especially dumb here because at least in the past (though the argument was still dumb then) people were trying to make the argument 'So, there's only one dark-skinned person in the game and it's the villain? Really?'

But with ToTK specifically, we have more dark-skinned characters that are good versus the one that's evil. Hell, fucking Queen Sonia has dark skin!

And Ganondorf's been green since he debuted. Otherwise he would be fucking charcoal grey with hot rod flames like Demise was.

Seriously, anytime someone brings this nonsensical argument into the sun, I just want to put a caption underneath it that says 'When Westerners Feel the Perpetual Need to Look at Foreign Media Through an American Socioeconomic Lens'

Anon 2:

Rauru. The goat-alien who is a blatant angelic metaphor (the whole 'heavenly beings coming down to bless the common man and bring them to a higher level of existence but fail due to the corruption of man'). Who, along with his sister, is the last of his sparkly magical race. Who married a dark-skinned Hylian woman. And is ruling over a growing empire of primarily-Caucasian elf-people.

Is racist.

Okay. Reading comprehension is obviously dead here in the West and it is leeching over into the video game audience.

...ALSO, OF COURSE GANONDORF HAS A REASON TO BE EVIL! HE'S A JEALOUS PRICK (as stated in WindWaker) AND HE'S THE REINCARNATION OF DEMISE'S EVIL. What more do you NEED?!

[arcplaysgames]

These kids have a very high opinion of canvassing for information, which as far as data collection goes is about on par with opening a random manhole and inspecting the walls for the scrawlings of subterranean prophets. But we do what we must to hit story flags.

People are completely cracking up about the fog. Which, in a world that has now experienced COVID is dryly humorous. Yeah, Junes and CVS are working with Verizon to beam the virus into us via the 5G towers, uh huh.

There's a recurring thing with Chie that's very amusing, that she keeps accidentally saying the quiet part out loud, like the writers are trying to keep a lot of these elements subtextual and inferred but just in case, they also have Chie say things outright.

Also, I hate to swerve into more Thoughts On Yosuke again but it's really interesting how much he respects Naoto. I think.... [stand by, checking my mental footage] Yeah, Yosuke encourages Kanji to flirt with her and tries to wingman for them

(which, if both Naoto and Kanji are queer and Yosuke isn't, the dynamic is so funny to me) (i don't think yosuke is cishet but ask me about that later)

by Yosuke is pretty adamant about not... aiming his Horny Comphet Bullshit in his direction? I think Yosuke called Naoto cute once in passing and otherwise defers to him in moments like this for guidance and intelligence and actionable insight. I'm not going to go so far to say that Yosuke sees Naoto most as their nebulous non-girl gender...... uh

except. Shit. I think I am saying that. Oh my god. Yes, from what I have seen in P4G as of 12/06, Yosuke respects Naoto's gender the most.

At some point i need someone to ask me about Yosuke Hanamura because I could be here all fucking day analyzing this dude. He's not by any means my favorite character in P4G but.... I think he might be the most interesting one. In that way, he's like Yukari, a character that sometimes makes me uncomfortable or annoyed but has the most depth and most shit going on.

ANYWAY. Yosuke respects Naoto more than I do frankly because sometimes Naoto makes me go "DUDE WHAT."

Yosuke, Naoto, and Reverie go outside and I get to pick the killer and this wasn't even a question to me.

BUT THEN, SOMETHING INTRIGUING HAPPENS.

OOH LA LA

NOTE TO SELF: SAVE SLOT 1, DON'T OVERWRITE.

Should I explore that before or after getting a standard ending? I am so tempted to just go and do it immediately, but I dunno if I should save it as a little treat later.

ANYWAY yes obviously it's Adachi. I know it, you know it, but what has killed me is the Why/How of it.

................... holy shit i fucking remember that. oh my god. i feel like Yukiko just shoved a key into my brain and unlocked something, YEAH IT WAS MENTIONED LIKE FUCKING ONCE THAT YAMANO WAS STAYING AT THE AMAGI INN AND THERE WAS POLICE PRESENCE, oh my god.

Saki is easy, she was questioned about the body, that could have easily been Adachi (I think Adachi mentions idly in a cutscene with just him and Dojima that Saki didn't know much, establishing that they probably talked)

I always thought there was nothing behind those eyes. Now we know it's not that. He's just put up mirrors in there. Goddamn fucking bitch in sheep's clothing.

if adachi has ever given even 30% to anything in his life, I'll be stunned. There is some level of swanning gracefully and heedlessly through life to him. He's one of those guys that you can blindfold him and ask him to walk through a minefield and he'll be fine. His SPECIAL stats favor Luck.

Which is the build I also tend to go for but we ain't talkin' about that today!

Anyway, you get the options to ask him about Yamano ("idk i don't remember it's all hazy lmao") and Saki ("uhhh yeah she saw a dead body, so we questioned her") and then the warning letters

Kanji, I need you to do me a favor, big guy. I need you to sprint directly to the Yasoinaba PD, punch whoever you need to get through, and find that fucking letter STAT. Like, seriously, anyone you want, punch 'em.

whoopsie-daisy!

Naoto I hope you have a LIST

/sucks on teeth

Man. I missed that one. I caught the moment when Adachi lied about the Namatame-Saki thing but not that. They're right, they literally weren't attempted murders, they were short-term missing persons cases. goddammit.

Okay Naoto I'll give you that one.

Adachi bolts, and he's gone.

SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE

WHY DO ADACHI, REVERIE, AND NAMATAME HAVE THIS POWER? Does Adachi have a fucking persona? Where did this ability come from! At the start it was like Reverie was a patient zero giving other people their persona, but turns out people just HAVE this power!

Boy but it sure is Interesting that the game implies there's an ending where you, what, you don't turn Adachi in? Where you help him? Reverie and Adachi are inversions of each other in a lot of ways. The magic trick moment really seeds the idea and it's a fucking compelling concept.

'Cause... how to explain. Like, the MC of the game seems...

I just played P3P, right? I can tell you things about FeMC, like concrete stuff. She's bubbly and a little manic and is fast the become chummy with people, she's got a very sharp sense of humor, she doesn't mind looking like an idiot for a joke, and she is Weird. Everyone finds her just a little weird. She's like if the popular girl in your school also collected skulls and did taxidermy. It's nothing bad but everyone knows she's Odd.

In P4G, the MC is a blank to me. There are some fun Chaos Options in the game but otherwise there is a deficit to personality to most of the possible responses, and it seems like Reverie's dominant character trait is "really calm." Which works really well for a person who is supposed to be the "Wild Card" character, who can stand in for anything and anyone.

Adachi, as the Jester, feels like an interesting inversion of that. He's good at everything he does, he's self-professed to be very smart and did really well in school (even if he resented it) but rather than acting like a skeleton key to the people around him, he's... the lock. He's this void of connection. Boundless potential and nothing for it to catch on.

My friend Tree nudged me earlier today about if I figured out who else JYB voices in the game, and I was like "oh yeah, the MC. I dunno if that's relevant?" Because it could have been as simple as resource conservation-- why hire another VA when you can have one of them do some voice lines for a mostly-unvoiced MC? But now, okay, I see it. Why it might be significant.

GAH I'M BABBLING! WHO CARES, TEDDIE'S IN THE NEXT BIT AND THAT'S WAY MORE IMPORTANT. BRB.

[aequitas-if]

Another Drabble

It takes place around two years after Aequitas was originally formed.

The sharp pain shooting through your body was decidedly not worth the battle it came from. Although, you suppose flopping backwards onto the center of the couch after getting your ass kicked was probably not your best idea. You can already hear Alex's scolding that was bound to come sooner or later.

"You need to take better care of yourself. The medbay should be your first stop after any mission."

Or something mature and guilt-inducing like that. Alex always had a way of making you feel disappointed in yourself for your lack of self-care. At least you were confident in the fact that your other teammates were getting the exact same treatment. There was a reason she was considered the big sister of the team after all...and a reason most people assumed that she was the leader. Honestly, it could be-

Your thought process is interrupted by another body flopping down onto the couch next to you. You don't even have to look to know who it is lounging beside you.

"God, I'm never fighting Biomaster again. If I have to fight one more of his stupid little mud minions I swear I am going to-"

"Did you seriously eat all of the leftovers?! Other people use this fucking base too, moron."

"I get hungry after missions- you know that!"

"I know that I'm going to kick your ass so hard that you finally learn to control your bottomless pit of a stomach-"

You keep your eyes closed, trying to block out the ensuing argument between your two teammates. Dealing with Jasper and Rowan's bickering was the last thing you wanted to do. Luckily, the universe seems to take some pity on you because the two are interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Guys, please don't fight- I was planning on making something anyways. I think we still have the stuff to make that casserole I wanted to try..."

Zoe's words seem to pacify the two boys because all that can be heard when she goes to rummage through the kitchen is grumbling. You feel another person flop onto the couch next to you. It seems that Rowan wasn't too mad about the missing leftovers. You doubt he would've been willing to sit on the same couch as Jasper otherwise.

"Are you alright, MC?"

You slowly open your eyes to gaze up at Alex. Her face was as gentle and reassuring as always but you could see the genuine concern in her eyes. She was out of her armor and back in civilian clothing. You glance around and notice the rest of your teammates had changed as well. How long had you been lying here for?

"You good, dude?"

Jasper's voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You hadn't answered Alex's question which seemed to concern the rest of your teammates if Zoe popping out of the kitchen and Rowan's subtle glances were anything to go by.

You give an exhausted nod which seems to soothe most of your teammates worries. You suppose that they understood the exhaustion that came with missions like these.

"If you guys could live anywhere, where would you pick?"

Jasper's question manages to grab everyone's attention. Alex looks at him with a polite yet obviously confused expression and you can see Rowan scoff and roll his eyes.

"What are you rambling about now?"

"I'm not rambling. I was just asking a question. God, why do you have to be such a di-"

"I think it would be nice to live in a neighborhood- like the ones you see on TV! I know it probably sounds boring to you all but..."

The longing in Zoe's expression and voice was evident. You suppose you could understand how something so mundane would be interesting to someone like her. Alex seems to agree as a warm smile graces her lips.

"That sounds wonderful, Zoe. Living in a community like that can definitely be fulfilling."

Alex's words brings a wide grin to Zoe's face. Although, if you know anything about her second in command that was probably her goal.

"What about the rest of you? Where would you live?"

Alex hums thoughtfully for a moment before nodding her head as if coming to some agreement with herself.

"I think I would like to live in a cottage somewhere. Being around nature is incredibly relaxing..."

"That's a good one! Can't say I expected anything different from you though, Alex."

Alex let's out a flattered laugh at Jasper's words. Before she can thank him however, she is interrupted by a gruff voice.

"...it would be kinda badass to live in the Alps or something."

"...of course, a recluse like you would want to live in the mountains-"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that-"

"I would live on the inside of a star."

Your words cut through the ensuing argument. Most of your teammates stare at you with a mixture of confusion and surprise. After a few moments of awkward silence, Rowan sighs.

"Alright, I'll fucking bite. Why would you live in a star?"

You tilt your head at his question. Eventually, you hesitantly answer.

"It's warm. It's also beautiful. Its light shines down and brings hope to others."

You glance at your teammates around you. There was clear fondness in their eyes as they look at you.

"I guess I would choose a space station then. One super close to your star. That way we could always visit without having to pay a fortune."

Jasper's words cause a few chuckles and laughs from your teammates. But you can read the concern in his eyes.

Don't go where we can't reach you.

[graftisms]

BEACH HUT CONFESSIONALS 13:  JOSHUA VARGAS DAY THIRTY-NINE

how are you feeling about movie night ?   did anything surprise you ?

“ you know what, fuck movie night. all the shit that was shown about me was old as fuck. why did they need to being mali into it ?   and adela and i, seriously ?   funny there were no clips of frankie and i flirting, because naomi wouldn’t care about that, but no. ”   he takes a deep breath.   “ i think i’m mostly surprised how seriously some people took it ?   naomi included, like, i didn’t think it was that. even her movie wasn’t even that bad—the only thing that annoyed me was the marcus shit, which doesn’t matter now. i thought romi’s was the worst. her saying that shit about naomi and i... i don’t know. that stung. right after her and jenny fighting too ?   jesus. ”

what are your thoughts on romi and marcus’s decision to leave ?

“ it’s fine. i’m fine, ”   he says. after a few seconds of silence :   “ what ?   obviously i’m not fine, but what is there to say ?   i love them both. do i get why they left ?   no. does it seem like a fucking waste, because they could’ve gotten back together and won this thing ?   yeah. i hate how romi and i left things, even if we are fine, i guess. i don’t know, we’ll see when we get out of here. it kinda feels like my friends are dropping like flies, though. watch miles and frankie be next. ”

are you happy in your couple or do you think your head could be turned ?

“ no, i think at this point the ship has sailed on my head turning. it’s fully with naomi. i know i talked shit about romi and marcus leaving, but i’d do the same with naomi if she asked. she may as well be my girlfriend by now... which is why the argument we had last night annoyed me so much. i know, is should’ve waited before saying anything, probably do my little plan today. i’m just... i’m tired of waiting, y’know ?   i was trying to show to her how she shouldn’t care about the movie night shit, because we’re more real than that. but it backfired, obviously, she she slept outside. maybe with fucking dylan, who knows. she hasn’t talked to me today, and i’m just gonna let her come to me for once. i think we’ll be fine, otherwise i’d be doing more, but... that shit was embarrassing, man. i’ve never asked someone to be my girlfriend before. i need a minute. ”

what are your thoughts on santiago and victoria ?   are either of them your type ?   do you think your partner would be interested in them ?

“ i don’t think victoria likes me very much, ”   he snorts.   “ not just because i’m a dude, but probably doesn’t hurt. i’m definitely not her type. santiago obviously isn’t my type either, though what the fuck is that guy ?   there’s no way he’s taller than me. i think he just wears shoes with some lift in them. whatever, either way i’m not worried about naomi. jude should be a little worried with jenny, though, otherwise he might find her in the shower with that one. ”

[prismaticmuses]

"... So. You gonna tell us what's going on, or do we just get to sit here and wait for you to get randomly kidnapped again?"

Puck grimaced and, even though he could see again, turned his eyes away. "Like I said, long story."

Night shrugged. "I mean, we're here now. You know I'm just gonna keep bugging you until you tell me."

Finally, Puck turned to look at Night with a pitying smile. "Aww, you care about me~. That's so sweet~. Have I ever told you your ears are really cute?"

Night flushed and growled, "Stop changing the subject! Why the fuck were you getting kidnapped?!"

"Uuuugh," Puck threw his head back and slid down in his seat exasperatedly. "Fiiiiine. I'll try to stick to the relevant shit. So, obviously, you know I'm from Fae, right? I honestly don't remember if I told you or Sunil any of this. I probably did at some point. Maybe. ... The point is, I fucking hated it there. Wait, first, probably pretty important- did I mention that I used to be the Prince of Fae? I guess, Prince Regent? What do you call someone who was a ward of the Queen?"

"I don't know, but Prince sounds pretty close. Holy shit, you're royalty?! No wonder you're such a prick sometimes."

Puck grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment. But seriously, though, I felt like one of those fairy-tale princesses stuck in their towers. That was pretty much my life for a looong time. I was like, Titania's fucking prized possession. She couldn't have kids- supposedly- and so I guess she... adopted me? I was really fucking young, I don't actually remember anything about my life before Fae.

"Regardless, she was a bitch to me, fucking took my fucking eyes outta my head when I was like eight or some shit to 'teach me a lesson' and 'be an example to others' because I did one stupid thing for the King. It was a fucking prank, dude. Note to whoever it concerns: Do not fuck around with a powerful-ass woman who can literally have you executed for whatever the fuck she feels like.

"Aaaanyway. I was only allowed outside the castle if I had an escort. Like a fucking dog on a leash. I came with my only friend at the time, Koko Yukon-"

"Wait, like the hotel lady?"

"-Right, that was kinda the reason for the trip. She wanted- I mean, her dad was in charge- 'In Charge,'" he emphasized with air-quotes, "at the time, but they were hoping to expand out of Fae and whatever, blah blah blah, I came to Apricus with Koko, and we made a plan together to fake my disappearance and/or death so I could live free here in Apricus, away from all the shit back at the castle."

"Long story short-?"

"Too late. So anyway, I get to Apricus, meet up with some shady-ass dude in some underground place, he offers me a deal that would make it so I never existed. I did it to start fresh, right?" Puck's face fell again and he looked down at his feet. "... The worst of it was... Koko. I tried to talk to her at the Hotel's Grand Opening in Apricus, and... she didn't know me. It hurt. A lot more than I thought it would...."

"Regardless," Puck shook his head, "most everyone did forget me who had known me from Fae. But I always had this gut feeling that Titania wouldn't forget that easily. Now, I don't know if she completely remembers who I am.... I don't think she does, otherwise I would've probably been kidnapped way before now. But she knows someone is missing that she 'owns' and wants it back. ... Does that answer your questions?"

Night frowned. "... Not completely.... How the hell did you find someone who could literally erase you from history?! Like, that's fucking wild. Was that his Awakened Power?"

Puck shrugged. "I don't know, maybe? He gave me a coin that I can't get rid of...." He pulled the coin out of his coat pocket and turned it over in his fingers to catch the light. "But yeah, that's my story."

"... Well that sucks."

"Yup. It really fucking does...."

[evilminji]

Mooooooore thoughts!

And if he IS the ONLY Daniel Fenton? Imagine~ Finding that OUT? Like? As a HERO.

There is some Big Multiverse Scuffle. Oh shit, solid dozen Yous in a warehouse in Detroit. Well shit. Where are we? One of you asks.

Then one of you...just fucking? Pulls out his phone? Googles Some Guy?

Guy Confimed, apparently.

You're all in HIS universe. Hard What. No, seriously, who is the guy?

What do you mean you don't know!?

And that's how you find out, that in countless hundreds of billion of gazillion of universes... there is EXACTLY this ONE Guy. Singular. Some random dude from Illinois that doesn't otherwise exsist.

Is... is he an IMPORTANT guy? Vaguely. Engineer, makes a good living, heckin smart. They hired him to the Watchtower. Mostly because of the "somehow exists only in our universe and no where else" thing. Might be a Meta.

You never get answers.

It's going to HAUNT you.

Because there are always, ALWAYS, those nihilistic bastards who, faced with the Multiverse, go all "wah wah All Our Choooooiiiiceeeeesssss" etc etc and then try to kill people! At least in this line of work. And NOW? Sitting in the back of your brain like an informational NUKE? Is an Uno Reverse card.

They didn't look hard enough. They gave up because the numbers where too big and they got scared. Gave in too base, hind brain, monkey no like fire, burn the witch impulses and GAVE UP!

Daniel J. "Fucking" Fenton! You COWARDS!!!

You don't know who that is? "Are you supposed to recognize that name?" Don't know how you COULD you nihilistic FUCK! He exists in exactly ONE UNIVERSE! His universe is by DEFINITION unique! Every choice leading up too, during, interacting with, and AFTER his existence can not be replicated!

He changed the UNIVERSE by existing in it! Butterfly flapping his wings! You're just mad you don't think you're SPECIAL anymore! Get drunk or go to therapy like the rest of us, you bastard! Now put down the reality bomb!

And yeah... great for them. Hero saves the day etc etc.

Small problem.

Said "Nihilistic Bastards"? Uuuuuusually dudes like Owlman. Geniuses who looked into the Multiversal Void and had it look back. Have access to reality hopping tech and, in their minds, Nothing To Lose(tm).

The Massively Depressed And Obsessive Types.

...........Why are they in Danny living room?

No, seriously, why is Edgy-Universe All-His-Co-Workers in his living quarters? Are... are they comparing NOTES? What NOTES?! Hey! Stop going through his THINGS! NO, he will not give you a blood sample! Nor any OTHER bodily fluid! Cease!

Who signed him up for Suprise Roomates?! He does not WANT Suprise Roomates! He wanted a glass of water! *is offered one*

...you... you do realize he's not dumb right? That could not be more OBVIOUSLY Secretly Drugged and a trap to get a saliva sample, if you announced it? *annoyed tounge click* *water dumped down the drain*

@stealingyourbones @hdgnj

(O_O ) I sit here. With a Realization.

There.... There might be... ONE(1!) Danny.

Like... Multiverserally. Because otherwise? He WOULD have met himself. Would have had a big ol "Into The Spiderverse: This Time It's All Spooky Boys (Girl, and Other Assorted Genders)!" Lair and? QUICKLY started running into Portals that lead to Not-His-Parents Fenton Labs.

But he doesn't.

He might? Literally be IT. The ONE in countless of countless impossible numbers, monkey smashing on keyboards until you get a story, Impossible Combination. Maybe the Fenton Luck really DID take them out in every other universe. Maybe Maddies family had some near misses of their own. Maybe BOTH.

There is Only One Daniel Fenton.

He Dies At Fourteen.

He defeats Pariah Dark.

He Becomes King Eternal of The Infinite.

It Was, It Is, It Always Has Been.

Why would you need to create more then one? Clutter up creation with dead end roads and possible successors? Let the Zone be punched full of holes? No, no, if you NEED to replace the old king with a NEW one... you really only NEED One(1) soul... don't you?

I've heard it discussed the Clockwork might be Father Time, father of the Endless. Father too Death herself. If we allowed this to be true? Then the Zone is HER domain. Yet? She does not rule it. Why is he HERE? Time still lives. Still flows. He is not Dead.

Thus the Observants.

You may play here, papa. But not interfere. This place is MINE. She created something with the very literal job of watching her father. He's NOT in charge here. She is.

But! She also hates it. Forever chained to one place between places? Never to see her siblings again? Nah. She can delegate.

A Holy King, if you will. Sit on her throne, listen to their problems, nod and smile, then do her busy work! She'll check in. It should not be hard. Right? Just don't do anything crazy.

It Shouldn't Be That Hard.

But Nooooooo. King after Queen after Monarch after Boss! She comes back and they are either insane or NOT who she left in charge! Everything on fire! The newly dead terrorized and not where they should be! Pariah tried to INVADE THE LIVING WORLD!!!

Did he think she'd LET HIM?

Death is miffed. You could even say... annoyed! Possibly so far as even AGITATED.

It's unsustainable, Father. But, what to do? And, well, "Have You Considered Making A Person?" If organic royalty isn't working, store boughts fine. Check the timeliness, sweetie. Death IS your Domain. You can... delay some.

And he's right. She CAN. She shouldn't, there are consequences, but she can. Others may die sooner then they ought too, in place they should not. It MESSES with things. But... yes... yes she CAN.

She... LOOKS.

Finds herself JUST the right soul. She adores it. It's PERFECT.

AND she barely has to nudge things around! Hardly any messes! She's honestly.. kind of excited. It's been so long, since she and her Father worked on anything together. Bonded like this. Will he watch over him? Make sure he sticks to the right path?

Of course Clockwork would.

Anything for his Children.

[realcube]

OVERHEARING SOMEONE TALK ABOUT THEIR S/O

characters ♡ baji, mikey & mitsuya

tw ♡ insults (in reference to the reader), violence & robbery 

KEISUKE BAJI 

♡ baji never mentioned that he was dating you to anyone in toman

♡ in fact, he hoped that none of them even knew about your existence, because that would only lead to trouble; and he was correct

♡ he was simply taking a puff on his stationary motorcycle, when members of the division started to filter into the parking lot that he was currently trying to relax in

♡ usually he’d try to ward off strangers so he could enjoy his time alone but he knew these guys from toman, so he allowed them to stay as long as they’d keep their voices down and not bother him

♡ most of his attention was on his own thoughts, but it was immediately redirected when he heard your name brought up in their conversation

♡ only your last name, so he wasn’t even certain whether they were talking about you, but still his interest was piqued 

♡ “they are on shift friday night, the only one left at eleven,” one of the guys explained, gesturing to his bat with a wicked smirk, “we’ll break in then. i’ll drive getaway.”

♡ “what if they call someone? shouldn’t we wait until they’ve left?” another suggested but was quickly corrected.

♡ “once they lock up the security system activates and it’ll be impossible to get in without alerting the cops. so we may as well bust in, handle them, and then steal the bikes.” 

♡ baji cringed, since he was certain that they were talking about you —since you happen to work at a motorcycle shop on friday nights — he hated to think about what they meant by ‘handle’.

♡ “now stop askin’ stupid questions.” the same guy scoffed, twirling around his bat, “i used to work there, idiot, obviously i know what i’m doing.”

♡ the group of six all laughed at the one poor guy who asked the question, and baji did too

♡ he laughed at the irony behind how they were calling each other idiots, when they were all the ones talking about auto theft in broad daylight, and discussing doing unspeakable things to a person, when their boyfriend was standing in ear-shot with a bat and a motorcycle ready 

♡ he did give them the benefit of the doubt in the latter aspect though; how were they supposed to know that y’all were dating when you are never seen spending time with each other?

♡ baji suddenly felt bad; it dawned on him that perhaps he had been neglecting your relationship as of recently. of course, it wasn’t with poor intention, in fact he thought he was taking the moral course of action by avoiding a situation where you are harmed because of his ties with toman

♡ however, being in a gang was no excuse to be a bad boyfriend, he figured 

♡ for now, the least he could do was take care of these guys to save you the trouble 

♡ but perhaps that wasn’t his brightest idea, he realised as he stood amongst the dejected bodies scattered across the ground, “i know you are all alive, so consider this a warning.” baji chuckled at the grunt one produced as he kicked him aside to head back over to his motorcycle

♡ before he left the area, obviously he stole all the cash he could from those guys, which gave him enough to buy the thing he had been eyeing for you

♡ though it took him a while to get his hands on it, it left him with the perfect opportunity to give it to you 

♡ “oi, open up!” baji hollered as he pounded on your door; if baji wasn’t such a bruiser, you would’ve thought he was dying 

♡ “what!?” you hissed, throwing the door open to reveal your frantic state.

♡ you were half angry at how loud he was being, and the other half at how he has been ignoring you for the past two weeks and finally decides to show up just as you were about to leave for work, in fact, you were running late for your night shift

♡ “no need to rush.” baji said, an odd sense of sincerity in his voice as he motioned for you to stop putting your shoes on, “you’re not going to work today.”

♡ you simply laughed, ignoring him and gathering your stuff to leave, “and why is that?”

♡ “well,” baji started, rubbing his chin for effect, “these guys from toman plan on robbing the place tonight. i did give them a warning, but they might still do it. and you know i just want you to be safe.” he said with a mischievous grin, as you both knew there was no way your shop was getting robbed tonight, unless the dudes wanted to try it with both arms broken 

♡ “so did you just come here to tell me that, or is there something else?” although you tried to hide it, baji could tell by your subtle flustered expression that you were thankful

♡ “i found this.” he lied, cupping your hand to lift it and drop in a gold bracelet, “one of the guys had it on him.”

♡ you gasped, taking the bracelet to examine the fine details, and noticed how it had a small crystal heart attached, “yeah, i’m sure a member of toman just so happened to be wearing a charm bracelet.”

♡ “i never said he was wearing it!” baji spat, swiftly snatching it from your hand and holding it above his head, “i can pawn it if you don’t want it.” 

♡ “i like it, though!” you said, reaching up for it, only for him to grab your wrist and put it on you 

♡ “then forgive me for not hanging with you.” he muttered, angrily clipping the bracelet through furrowed brows, while you leaned in to plant a kiss on his forehead 

♡ “it’s fine. i forgive you.” you couldn’t help but snicker at his word choice of ‘hanging out’, which resulted in you getting a swift flick to the forehead

♡ but before you could whine, he quickly followed it up with a kiss <33

MIKEY 

♡ one day he was visiting mizo to find takemichi and he happened to walk passed a group of guys talking about how one of them planned on asking out a person from a different school 

♡ at first he didn’t pay much attention since it was none of his business after all, until he heard that the person’s name and description just so happened to match yours 

♡ so like any good boyfriend would, he halted and told draken to grab takemichi while he listened in 

♡ as he gained more insight into the situation, he learned that the person happened to go to the same academy as you and had the same bus schedule too 

♡ it didn’t take a genius to figure out that the person they were talking about was you 

♡ as it turns out, the guy who planned on asking you out had your bus times memorised so if he was able to run fast enough, he would be able to reach your stop before you got on the bus, which is when he will ask you out

♡ or at least, that is what he hoped would happen if everything went smoothly and there was no unexpected interference from a group of delinquents

♡ mikey had many options on how to deal with this situation

♡ he could ask you to take a different bus, he could do nothing (because he trusted that you’d reject the guy either way) or he could beat them up right now to save himself the hassle later

♡ however, he decided to go with a more peaceful approach 

♡ he continued eaves-dropping until everyone besides the lover boy had left, so he could have an amicable one-on-one conversation with him — definitely no threats involved — and advise the guy to stay in his fucking lane and never go near you ever again, kindly. 

♡ when the day of the proposal arrived, mikey paid you a surprise visit after school and offered to walk you to the bus-stop; not because he was afraid that the dude might confess, but rather since he had booked you both tickets to the movies!

♡ but once you both arrive at the stop, you were greeted by the guy standing there holding a measly bouquet of flowers, looking quite taken back by the fact you were with someone else; even though mikey had done him the courtesy of explicitly telling him to back off 

♡ though he must’ve not got message despite the hand-holding, and he obviously didn’t recognise mikey, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have continued to confess, albeit with quivering limbs and a black eye

♡ but before he could even stutter out a greeting, mikey hissed at him, “what the are you doing?” yet the guy only replied with a shrug

♡ upon observing the interaction, your eyes widen as you turned to look at mikey, “do you know him?”

♡ “never seen him before in my life, dear.” he smiled sweetly, but it was ineffective; you already knew he was lying as soon as he called you ‘dear’. 

♡ “(y/n)!” the guy yelled, trying to catch your attention, but only shaking even more as your gaze fell on him, “i was going to ask you, if—”

♡ mikey let out an exaggerated yawn, widely outstretching his arms to distract both of you, “this has been fun, but we’re running late for the movie.” 

♡ “but i’m not fin—” the poor boy was once again interrupted by mikey waving him goodbye, grabbing your hand and swiftly guiding you around him, back on the route to the cinema

♡ before he even got the chance to cry another plea, you had both already disappeared around the corner 

♡ once mikey had dragged you both far enough away from the bus-stop, you began your interrogation, “seriously, who was that? and what was he trying to say? did you give him the black eye?” you had to stop to take a deep breath, “also, you said the movie would start in the evening!”

♡ mikey brought your hand up —which he had a tight grip on — and kissed the back of it gently, “my bad,” he chuckled slightly, a mischievous grin playing on his lips, “i forgot to mention him. i met him a few days ago and he was planning to ask you out so i politely informed him that you were taken.”

♡ “for some reason, i don’t believe that last part.”

♡ he snickered, “and yeah, the movie starts in the evening so we’re not running late. but he wasn’t taking the hint!” he whined while clinging to your arm, as if you were going to run away from him at any second, “forgive me?”

♡ “sure, whatever.” you sighed, rolling your eyes as you watched his expression light up, “but next time, mind your own business! i could’ve just said no, instead of you beating him up, or whatever you did.”

♡ “noted.”

MITSUYA TAKASHI

♡ during his time as the second division leader of toman, he’s overheard all kinds of stuff that he probably wasn’t supposed to; awkward small talk, plans to commit felonies, deep conversations, weed brownie recipes, discussions about health issues — the list goes on forever!

 ♡ however, one topic he has never heard any one ever have the audacity to speak about (within a ten mile radius of him), is you. even though, your relationship was public to toman. 

♡ your name was often kept out of people’s mouth since you rarely interacted with any of the gang members when you visited, hence they didn’t really have anything bad (or good) to say about you. none of them knew you besides the title ‘boss’ partner’. 

♡ so, that’s why mitsuya had to do a double take when he heard someone in his division mutter to the guy beside him, “why does his friend keep visitin’? it’s annoying. plus, they just sit and don’t talk to anyone besides ‘im. they must think they’re better than us or something.” right after mitsuya mentioned that you were visiting toman.

♡ he couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow; did that guy really think that he was being sly and quiet? by the look on his face, he seemed pretty self-assured. 

♡ “um, i heard you, idiot.” he hissed, pinching his nose and shaking his head as he watched the knucklehead stare at him dumbfounded, as if the whole room hadn’t heard him too.

♡ “don’t say shit like that. they don’t think they’re better than anyone.” he scorned, balling his fist and almost twitching with anger, fighting the urge to pummel that guy for the sake of his own reputation in toman

♡ and that impulse almost immediately dissipated as soon as you entered the room; his hand loosened and opened to cup your cheek

♡ he was as sweet as can be for the rest of the night, of course, and he still managed to send that dude daggers whenever he got the chance. 

[theomnicode]

One Punch Man appreciation

Now that MA arc and Garou's arc has officially finished, I just want to say...

Thank you Murata- and ONE-sensei and all their amazing assistants for giving us this amazing wild ride and thank you for your hard work and dedication. I know they are not on tumblr but I wanna say it anyway.

I only got back into OPM at roughly chapter 163 when I finished reading all the chapters and boy, did I get hooked back in. The storyline I have dissected and appreciated to death here already so...

Thanks OPM manga team for...

The absolutely stunning and gorgeous covers:

Just *cheff kiss*. The absolute goat at work. Many props to those who also helped him colour multiple cover pages.

The jaw-dropping dynamic action scenes:

The sheer movement and dynamic action is just insane.

The pure badassery:

Blast is a legit goat. Nobody can tell me otherwise. The dude's insane. But they're all just insane and Genos has the biggest balls in the universe.

The amazingly detailed visuals and scenes:

Can I just say that 165 had some crisp AF environmental detail, holy shit. They went all in on this chapter.

The insane coloured panels:

Like, seriously guys, it's just plain nutty. I've nothing else to say. Who is this man?

The holy fucking shit hype moments:

When Murata dropped an actual GIF page, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. Then Cosmic Garou's entrance was just... and Saitama Death punching Garou and ending the chapter in a cliffhanger left me vibrating for two weeks.

166 stands as my favourite chapter of all time.

The oh my fucking god what:

The sheer absurdity and insanity of it. The wtf moments.

The uh oh and ominous:

When you just get the chills.

The raw emotional moments:

There's just so many, too many to fit...

...that legit made me cry and stare at the screen in shock...

...and pained my heart and made it swell in empathy and other feels.

When Genos died, all I could think of was "oh my god if saitama arrives to the scene and sees this..." and then he did.

I think they enjoy hurting their readers. Lucky me, I love angst.

The One Punch Man:

Only in One Punch man folks, will you get a guy who kicks and moves around hyperspace gates. And sneezes away jupiter's atmosphere and farts in space.

*shocked pikachu face*

The humour and trolling:

You know the trolling and humour is legendary when it reaches meta redraw level status and transcends the manga. Half the people probably couldn't be bothered to actually read what Genos was saying and felt exactly like Saitama here.

The melancholic, happy and wholesome:

Touching and wholesome and cute moments.

My top 3 list of favourite pages from this arc:

Simply amazing. There is nothing else to say.

The sheer loneliness portrayed in this scene makes me grip my heart tightly too. I felt so much for Saitama.

The best panel obviously, is there even any doubt?

The raw, unfiltered emotions in this page is just...it's so visceral. You can feel the pain in this scene when you stare into Saitama's eyes. The guilt. The absolute shock.

One of the best panels of all time, in One Punch Man. Easily.

In addition to all that, lots and lots of cake too. And we can eat it too. Murata-sensei is the best, for thinking about us fans.

Cheers for the ongoing manga of One Punch Man! Onwards to the next saga! :D

[hello-nichya-here]

How NOT to write romance - How I Met Your Mother edition

Warning: long-ass post and lots of bitterness over a TV show that ended nearly eight years ago.

Basics for story-telling

If the romance you want to write is dysfunctional, fucking embrace it and have fun with the concept instead of pretending the bad shit the characters do is okay because “it’s true love”

Acknowledgde that your main character has flaws instead of acting like he is a saint who can do no wrong for no reason other than “he is the main character. Definitively don’t make him do, of his own free will, the exact exact same things the supposedly “selfish and cruel” womanizer does and then excuse it as him having “succumbed to/been tricked by a bad influece” like he’s child who doesn’t know any better instead of being a grown ass adult.

Don’t make your characters be annoying, entitled fuckers who think they have the right to judge others for wanting different things out of a relationship/not wanting a relationship at all. Don’t act like monogamy, double dates with other couples, marriage and children are something EVERYONE secretly wants deep down.

Don’t demonize the “evil” character of the group and act like the “heroes” being appalled by the shit he does is anything other than hypocricy. There’s literally nothing forcing them to be friends with him, so they’re obviously not as horrified at bad shit he does as they say they are, otherwise they would have ditched him a long time ago.

Don’t have the “heartless womanizer”,  who we later find out is the ex-husband of the girl the lead wanted for himself, be shown to us exclusively through the eyes of the an unreliable narrator who had motivation to make him see worse than he is likely to be (get his kids to want him to get the girl instead of the “douchebag”). Also, don’t make his schemes to trick women into sleeping with them so completely absurd and ridiculous that the audience is pretty sure that 70% of the women he banged were completely aware he just wanted a quick fuck and went along with it anyway because they wanted some dick (and because the character is played by Neil Patric Harris, who is incapable of not being charismatic)

Fucking let you characters (especially the supposed hero we’re supposed to think is the best boyfriend ever) grow instead of making them constantly repeat the same mistakes

Lily and Marshall

Don’t make one of the characters hide something very important from their partner, and then have the audacity to be mad at them for “just not understanding” as if they were given any reason to understand what the problem even is

Don’t act like someone being heartbroken that their partner lied to them and practically made a plan to “escape” being married to them means they’re not being “supportive” of said partners dream - you should especially not do that after we were shown that they took a job they didn’t like just to make sure they’d have a secure future that would allow said partner to follow their dream.

Don’t have the character who was obviously in the wrong need to be convinced to get their shit together and apologize to their ex.

If a character forgave the ex who wronged them and even got back together with them, don’t have them constantly hold their past mistakes over their head like it that problem has not already been solved - you especially not make them do that on what was supposed to be their wedding day. They can either forgive their partner or not, they can’t keep going back and forth.

Don’t have them constantly hide important shit from each other (having a huge financial debt, getting a job, etc)

DO NOT have the character who fucked up years prior suddenly be willing to do the same shit again for the EXACT same reason (”I think our relationship is in the way of my dreams and I’m now completely isolated because I refuse to talk things out with you”) and then expect the audience to sympathize with them.

Ted and Robin 

Unless you’re writing a Disney/Disney-esque romance, don’t have your lead just look at someone across the room, decide they’re “The one”, imagine their life together and full on say “I’m love with you” AND “I love you” on the first goddamn date.

Don’t have the lead stalk his love interest, and throw three parties in a row just to have an excuse to get close to her now that she made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him.

Don’t have the “hero” lie about having broken up with his girlfriend so the girl he wants to be with will sleep with him, and then have him blame his actions on time. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” Grow a pair of balls, Ted!

If one of the characters says “You’re going too fast on the whole ‘love’ thing. Can’t we just go on a few dates and see what happens instead of already starting to plan our lives together?” and the others throws a fit, that is called “being incompatible” and “damn, this dude doesn’t respect boundaries”, not “Wow, she’s so afraid of commitment”

If you want the audience to believe the main character’s feelings are not one-sided, don’t make the fact that said feelings ARE unrequited a running joke, and don’t have the girl only accept giving him a chance after having to deal with the fucker whining “But I love you” for months and/or after going through bad break ups. Also, if you have to retcon half the fucking show to “proove” that “she DOES love him”, that pairing fucking sucks.

Don’t compare the couple you want the audience to root for to the main character’s divorced, dysfunctional parents, and don’t have flashbacks showing that the lead had no clue what his girlfriend actually liked in bed AND that she literally covered up his face so she could pretend she was fucking someone else.

DON’T MAKE HER GET RID OF HER DOGS, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

If your lead character is still jealous/possessive of his ex, thinks he still has a chance even after she told him to his face that she didn’t love him, and acts like she and her fiance (who he says is his friend) being happy is somehow them being selfish and cruel, your lead character is a loser AND an asshole.

Don’t throw away the entire premise of the show (Ted finding the REAL love of his life) just to force a bad pairing down the audience’s throat

Ted Mosby in general

Don’t have your “romantic, sensitive hero” break up with a girl on her birthday through an answering machine, come back into her life without warning years later because he’s afraid he’ll die alone, and find out that she never heard the message but was actually told about it by her friends and family who were at her apartment preparing a surprise party for her. You should especially not make his first reaction to this new be being mad that he was not invited to the party, and for the love of God, don’t make him break up with her on her birthday AGAIN.

Don’t have the “hero” cheat on his girlfriend and excuse it with bullshit like “Nothing good happens 2 a.m.” and “But I genuinely love Robin so it’s okay that I’m lying to both of them”. Do not, I repeat, do NOT have him blame it on his girlfriend being distant when she didn’t pick up the phone one night and then called back the second she was free to do so, while he was enjoying the gifts she sent him and LIED to her about having sent her some as well.

Don’t fucking make an entire episode with the premise of him turning a no into a yes - and telling that story to his children like it’s romantic.

Don’t have his fiance, who he knows has a rocky relationship with the father of her daughter, tell him she is uncomfortable with him inviting his ex to their wedding and then have him decide “This means I should invite her ex as well”. Also don’t expect me to feel bad for him when she runs off with said ex.

Don’t have him spend YEARS waiting for one of the hundreds of girls he thinks is “the one” to be single and even ask her neighbour to spy on her and let him know when/if she breaks up with her boyfriend - again, for YEARS.

Don’t have the lead say he’s gonna tell their kids about his love story with their DECEASED mother, only for it to secretly be an excuse for him to go “By the way, I’m still in love with aunt Robin despite her having rejected me for 25 years, can I go screw her?”

Don’t act like making the characters reverse back into who they were at the beginning at the story means they’re gonna make things work this time when the whole point of their break up in the beginning on the story was the fact that they’re just not right for each other.

Robin and Kevin

A therapist who was supposed to help their patient move on after a bad break up that messed them up, dating said patient is a major red flag. It is also a bad sign that, when she cheats on him and wants to break up, he realized what she was doing to used his job as “evidence” that he knew better and that she should NOT tell her partner how she felt/what she actually wanted.

Do NOT have said therapist date yet ANOTHER patient that asked him help to move on from a bad break up. Seriously, Kevin was a creep, stop acting like he was some angel who “deserved better than Robin.”

BONUS: How NOT to break up a couple - Barney and Robin edition

Don’t act like their relationship falling appart after their friends kept meddling, and even kept them locked in a room against their will until they labeled their relationship as something they aproved of, is somehow “proof” that they’re not good for each other.

Don’t retcon their relationship to force a break up (seriously, Barney was super supportive of Robin long before he even fell in love with her, but I’m supposed to believe he’d be a bad boyfriend who is never there for her? And he loved advantures and always said “challenge accepted”, but was suddenly miserable travelling the world with her and couldn’t deal with not having wi-fi at the hotel? Fuck off)

Don’t spend an entire season focusing on their wedding, have them get married and then divorce THE NEXT FUCKING EPISODE! Why do you hate your audience? Even people who don’t want them together can see this a terrible idea.

And most important of all, when people question what the fuck were you thinking, don’t have a meltdown on twitter and say that people who think Barney can change are responsible for Donald Trump being elected, you fucking weirdo, go see a therapist (that isn’t like Kevin)

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

[beann-e]

I have a head cannon that bakugou would not be sweet to who he liked or dated and instead deny it and hate on them even more.

The reason being because he doesn’t really understand feelings so, when he’s talking badly about you he just assumes it’s normal and a bit funny at the lies he’s spitting that his just continuously friends are eating up.

he’s been talking bad about people for years so , who cares if your his s/o your no acceptation all people are equal in his mind. Now lemme explain please fall in line and hold a buddys hand kids we’re going on a trip inside my brain

It wasn’t easy getting the spiky haired male to ask you out honestly if someone asked you , which they’d never dare since they’d never know per bakugous request him saying it’s not their business , how you two got together you would shrug your shoulders and walk off.

It wasn’t that it was a boring day or a simple question that you supplied the answer for. It was that it was unusual.

You’d been at quirk practice after school in the gym like you’d usually do only this time bakugou made his way over to you.

You’d been seeing him more often when you were in the gym and you weren’t sure why until he explained that he was interested in your workout routine saying you two could have a contest to see who’s was more grueling

It seemed like fun so like any competitive person you agreed. Only for him to tap out on day two your laughs swirling around the gym as he fought so hard to say he only lost because he just didn’t like how the air would hit his ass crack anytime he did your little girly squats you’d wrote down for him.

You couldn’t say you weren’t both confused and happy when he let the air calm down before he spoke “ i’m kind of conflicted “ his eyes coming up to look at yours from the floor “ could you maybe help me“

“ of course what’s up “

“ i’m at a standstill “

“ more like a sit still “ you joked eyes peering down at his straight face “ yeah ok let’s imagine that didn’t happen —continue “

“ uh yeah anyways — i’m at a standstill because honestly I like your shit workout “ he shook his head to the floor “ but I also like you so I find myself thinking if I couldn’t get through your workout even though I enjoyed it so much could I “

his voice rasped shakily “ could I get through a relationship with you even though I like you even more “

truthfully you’d wish you’d said no because right now you wanted nothing more than to just be friends with the male sitting across the room from you.

It’s not that you didn’t like him of course you did he was hot , smart, and felt strongly about his goals but, he was an asshole.

Not in the aspect of hes just mean and rude but he was an all around prick as he laughed with his friends from across the room.

Their voices only getting louder as you sat alone a few seats away from them trying to complete some work on your desk you’d just been given “ dude gotta admit class 1-A’s got some hot chicks “

“ yeah honestly minas top three if we’re being truthful “

“mina dude come on have you seen jirou “

“ don’t even get me started “ denkis voice came out in a soft groan “ god I would— “

“ yeah yeah all that jazz but “ seros voice came out soft. His hand coming up to point at the seat as you sat in with your head down eyes furrowed in anger at the math on your paper that wasn’t syncing up with your brain right now

“ y/n “ his fist tightened as he groaned “ y/n could get it on all accounts — the car “

“ you don’t have a car “ denkis voice came out as sero continued

“ the school bathroom “

“ but which one ? because one of you would have to go in the wrong sex’s unless its a handicap or family stal-“

“the fucking dorms “

“ y/n ? “ kirishima asked quickly “ y/n l/n ? “

“ fuck yeah “

“ hmm “ kirishima studied you before shaking his head “ honestly kinda hot never really paid attention to that stuff before though “

“ what the fuck how can’t you “

“ uh i’m more so a personality guy “

“ so by personality would you fuck em ‘ “

“ not to be vulgar but of course “ his answer taking no time “ y’know how fun they’d be in a relationship though not just with sex ? imagine cuddles—fuck —what about cuddle monster y/n maybe ? god that’d be so hot “

denki getting restless as he held his thoughts in from the other males. His mind spazzing before finally getting to speak “ i’d fuck her too “ he yelled everyone’s eyes going sharp on the boy before he coughed “ id rock it too — we’re talking about getting mullets “

“ oh boys that’d be kinda hot “ you said laughing sarcastically sero turning to you smiling softly “ oh yeah on who in particular “

“ mm totally blondie over there “

“ the fuck ? “ his eyes shot away from denkis and moved to yours anger pouring through his gaze making you jerk back a little in surprise “ the hell you mean i’d look hot “

your eyebrows creased “ well because I — you do you would “

“ don’t go talking out of your ass you hear me—shit people like you don’t deserve to talk to anyone about looks “ your mouth went dry at his lazer stare.

His lips curling up into a smirk before he shook his head “ these assholes are talking about fucking you yknow “ he whispered to you “ you gonna let em ? you gonna let em right? because that’s the only attention you’d ever get right “

“ bakubro hold up chill out “

“ yeah bakubro chill out “ you said your gaze wavering from the hard one you’d had when you felt the heat radiating off of him no comfort coming from him to you only confusing you more. Had you two been in a secret argument that you knew nothing about

“ whatever “ he leaned back in his chair as the class went back to what they were doing your hands gripping the pencil when the class got even louder but you only searching for your boyfriends voice easily drowning out the others

“ i’d never fuck “ your heart broke at the deep voice youd identified

“ dude seriously come on with the lies —fucking beautiful “

“ correctomundo my friend their absolutely stunning “

his laugh ripping through their claims hand jerking back to point at you “ you think their beautiful much less hot ? “

“ yeah you don’t ? “ denki spat all of them looking at the boy like he was crazy for enjoying this obviously racy topic right now much less taking the wrong side of the debate

“ I literally just sat here and said I wouldn’t fuck em’ pokémon —so you can guess what that correlates to “

“ hey dude why’re you being sucha a dick —the personality’s top tier even if your stupid enough to think their not at least hot“ kirishima putting the ending words in quotation marks honestly a bit upset with his friend

“ hey watch it your over here defending an extra like your gonna make moves on em “ he laughed “ I advise otherwise “

you let out a sigh thinking he’d finally stopped acting the way he was. Your mind preparing to only give him the silent treatment for today and then tomorrow peppering him with kisses until he laughed and apologized for his words

Heart only being snatched away from your body when you heard his deep vibrating voice cut through the room “ probably gonna give you a rash from all the shit that’s on their mouth all the time “

it’s just lipgloss.

Lipgloss bakugou bought you packs of earlier this week after he swore he loved the taste and scent.

moving to wipe at it gently with the sleeve of your outfit him still going causing tears to start building up in your eyes “ bet the bitch doesn’t even shower —had em’ over for a project last night had to wash my sheets and blanket —took hours last night “

“ oh “ denki let out “ I was a bit confused when I saw you at the laundry room at 3 in the morning.

Tears blurring your vision as you thought about his earlier words when he’d given you your favorite sweater of his after saying he’d washed it for you because he knew you wouldn’t do it yourself because in his words ‘ you would never wash it without his help because you were a creep and didn’t want to erase his smell or some shit ‘

“ yeah —smelled so bad im telling you stay away you don’t wanna ask em’ out “

you moved to grab your phone as he kept talking you typing out a message as best as you could before hitting send. His hand moving off the desk and going in his pants pocket to pull his phone out keeping it hidden under the table eyes trailing over the screen

Firefighter >3

baby are we arguing

if your mad at me please just tell me don’t just talk shit about me in front of your friends

him locking his phone and placing it on his desk before you typed out one more message him letting out a sigh as he grabbed for it again

firefighter >3

if you keep going we’re over

“ but imagine whoever bags them apart from bakugou at least since we all know he’s all anti hot y/n “

“ they’d be so lucky “

“ yeah right “ he spoke lowly almost trying to hide his voice from you eyes glued to his phone “ wouldn’t dare “

“ wouldnt dare what bakugou “

“ oh wouldnt dare be —-be lucky “ he locked his phone again “ feel bad for the person dating them all the shit they gotta go through put up with , claims they make through message and not with real words, being too much of a pussy to speak up for themselves“

he shook his head softly eyes twitching “ you wouldn’t put up with that —you couldn’t put up with that your not built for it you gotta have tough skin y’know like me “

he licked his lips moving to sit up straighter when hearing his phone vibrate “ don’t uh “

firefighter >3

one more bakugou

one more bakugou katsuki and were over

his eyes darting over to yours before his eyebrows furrowed and body shook in anxiousness he couldn’t figure out what to do.

He was an asshole you knew this so why the fuck were you being such a crybaby now? did he pick the wrong person to date he thought you were strong

He genuinely just wanted to keep these creeps away from what’s his by scaring them off he wasn’t doing anything wrong? well at least in his eyes

He moved to talk again trying his best to string together a nice sentence “ just don’t uh ask —ask em’ out —-their utter dog shit when it comes to relationships leave it to someone who can handle that y’know “

he relaxed into his chair at his victory when he watched you throw your phone to the table and fix your skirt and standup. Him sighing out when you picked up your stuff to leave “ thank all might “ he whispered head shooting to lean back against his desk chair and look up at the sky blood running cold when his phone vibrated against the table

firefighter >3

all your shits gonna be outside my dorm door. So you might want to come collect it before I have half and half lighting campfires tonight

y’know since i’m such a shit person —gotta hope your bestie deku can give me some after school lessons on personalities. He’s so sweet I bet he’ll fix me right up

screw you katsuki see you in hell

“ the —the fuck what did —the hell did I do wrong “ he screamed when he saw you slam the classroom door after flicking him off

his friends eyes moving from the door to bakugous phone that he’d thrown on the table.

Todorokis eyes going wide when he read his stupid nickname given to him by the steamy male “ I —I uh“ he coughed “ I think i’m gonna go help y/n since their now single—don’t want em’ getting hurt with amateur fire starters again when i’m right here “

his stone face peered down at the red faced boy “ I mean that is ok with you bakugou seeing as though you two were most likely in a relationship by the messages before today “

“ you asshole did you go through me and my s/o’s messages “

“ judging by the series of recent text I don’t believe that’s the case for you two anymore “ he reached to grab his backpack saying a formal goodbye before he spoke “ I feel like i’m needed by a very —very perfectly intelligent unshitty person right now “

seros voice coming out softly as he let bakugous phone fall to the table disappointment in his eyes “ look uh —dude you didn’t have to mess your relationship up just to go against us ? “ he winced at the claim“ honestly you could’ve stayed quiet the whole time —it’s not like we agreed with you anyways “

bakugou leaned back in his chair anger swirling in his stomach as he felt his body sweat at the new heat spreading throughout his whole body.

How the hell did he mess up where the hell did he mess up he explained to you he wasn’t gonna treat you any differently than any other extra here and that went for basic conversations too

Maybe he went a bit far with the dont date em ‘ that was probably it you didn’t like how he said don’t date you because he was the only one who could handle you right ?

He shook his head a bit confused you just wanted him to say that you could handle yourself and didn’t need him right ?

So , why the hell did he feel like he’d done something wrong he wasn’t stupid but he just wasn’t well versed in feelings. He already didn’t know how to handle his own so how was he expected to handle another persons.

To him his words were normal he talked about all people like this hell, he bullied deku for 3 years going as far as to make a special nickname for him

that wasn’t even the worse he could’ve done and you knew that so why was he in trouble and worrying about Icy hot taking his place

He was honestly confused?

Could words really be that hurtful?

could his words really be that hurtful ?