#obviously didn't work but at least they tried

[multipleoccupancy]

He could rely on Samantha to knock him down if he did lose control. They had both learned in the field that it was necessary to know and he trusted her completely to do it for him if the need ever came up. He didn't think he could ever hurt his family but he was not naïve enough to think that he shouldn't have it in the back of his mind, especially with his intrusive thoughts. He had never knowingly acted on them but he'd certainly had his moments where coming to his senses had been quite the shock. He'd be destroyed if he ever hurt his family or Samantha.

"A signature move," he said of his throat punches and thought maybe he would adopt them again in his work, they seemed to be very effective and would no doubt work very well against chanting cultists. They couldn't chant if they couldn't breathe right? She was right of course, he needed to give himself time. He'd bounced back fast in his youth but he also hadn't remembered much of it properly until then. He couldn't be down with it for months, he knew Delta Green wouldn't care and as much as he admired Samantha, he suspected he would be put right back to work whether she liked it or not. "I got over it decades ago, I can again." He tried to convince himself.

He would have to let out all of the emotions, he knew them nearly off by heart after Sloane's betrayal. At least he was not severely injured this time, just mentally and emotionally spent. Would it be harder to recover from that? He was comforted by Samantha's reminder she would be there, understanding it was in an agent's sense of protecting his family from him if needs be. "Thank you," he said without elaboration, it wasn't needed. "Violet can and has picked locks," he reminded her needlessly, Samantha must have known given Violet had turned up to fight Sloane with the gun meant to be in his gun safe in his locked office.

He did manage a smile, it cracked onto his face painfully as she spoke of Darlene and the new movie of the month. "She has good taste." A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. He was safe and at home and decades away from the ward. "You get to have first pick on Disney movies here," she deserved a break. "Paw Patrol can wait." His cracked smile faded away and he made to sit up a little more, almost reminiscent of the boy in Ophir in the blankets looking at the stars through the window. "I'm sorry about Middle-Sized Tony. I just knew I couldn't finish the mission." Obviously, he still hadn't actually managed to pick himself up from the floor since he texted her but she didn't know that. "What's the likely forfeit?"

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy

Samantha would have liked to tell Killian that he would never hurt Violet. But she knew that things were not that simple. She had seen agents turn against fellow agents, friends, and even loved ones. When the mind slipped away, terrible things could happen. It was useless to pretend otherwise, that would not reassure him at all. "I understand," she said instead, "nothing happened earlier, and I'm here now. It's gonna be ok."

"You punched them in the throat, hm?" she then said with an appreciative whistle, to try and lighten the mood, "that sounds like a pretty effective move to me." And, knowing Violet, she had a feeling she had fought back, too. If she wasn't afraid to shoot Sloane, she wouldn't be afraid to attack a mean orderly either.

She nodded. "I know. It's all jumbled together for now, but it's gonna get easier. You just have to give it time." Time, Samantha knew, was often the best and only medicine for the mind. Nothing was as efficient as patience. Humans were terribly resilient if you just gave them the time.

"You're gonna have to express all these emotions, to let them out," she also explained, "but I'll be here, ok? I'll help you." And they both knew that, should he snap, she could handle him. It was a strange bond that only Delta Green agents could understand. Trusting someone with your life, yes. And trusting them to stop you when needed, too.

A little chuckle left her lips. "It sure is. I know all the songs, now. I'm impressed that you recognized the ocean landscape, I see you have quite the experience when it comes to baby art." She smiled at the praise. Samantha, like every mother, agreed. Her daughter was amazing at everything. Obviously!

[mochamvgz]

stay a while.n.ki

; your boyfriend breaks the news to you about him moving away after high school, leaving you devastated.

; nishimura riki x reader

; genre: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, high school au

; warnings: implied break-up, crying, intrusive thoughts

; 0.6k words

; tags: @sobun1est @kbookshelf

“we're running out of time.”

it's as if time halts for a moment as you utter those words into existence. your voice was quiet but that obviously did nothing to soften the blow, for you feel riki freeze mid-action.

your eyes remain trained on your fingers as you fidget with them on your lap. you don't look up. you don't want to see whatever expression is painted on his face, you're too scared to.

“i'm right, aren't i? you've been dodging the question for weeks now.”

your voice comes out choked but you force your face to remain passive.

a defeated sigh rings out from beside you and you notice his shoulders slump in your peripheral vision.

the room is quiet for a moment. you can sense your boyfriend, soon to be your ex, trying to find the right words to say, mulling them over in his brain before saying them out loud. his hand reaches for yours but you pull away before you can even register what you're doing. his fingers collapse into a loose fist, as though even they were dejected, and his hand slowly retreats from your vision, almost begging you to change your mind.

“i’m sorry.”

“for what? keeping me waiting and letting me cry every night for the past week over the mere thought of losing you? us? that's not a big deal at all!”

“what? you-you've been... crying?”

riki is facing you now, his tone carries a noticeable undertone of surprise, but you still don't look up. your silence answers for you.

“at least tell me now, are you moving away or not?”

you ask after a beat, finally turning to face him. his lips purse as he avoids eye contact and you already know the answer. regardless, you wait for verbal confirmation.

part of your brain screams at you to back away, take back the question and lock him in a closet because you weren't ready to let go, not so soon.

“most probably, yes”

“you told me you would decide last month.”

another sigh, “fine. yes, I am going.”

the admission plunges you in a whirlwind of emotions. your ears are ringing now. memories flash in your mind of the unfulfilled promises you made to one another, the seemingly insignificant ones as well as the big ones. you're watching a movie in your head where the scenes are moving too quick to allow any space for comprehension.

“then why did you lie earlier?”

“i didn't want to talk about this right now, i didn't want to tell you…”

you can't deal with this right now, you need to clear your head.

your body works on autopilot as you stand up abruptly. his fingers clasp around your wrist almost reflexively, keeping you from walking away. you can't find the willpower to look at him.

he pulls you towards him and you fall on his lap.

“we've still got a couple of months…”

there's the faintest hint of hope in the sentence. maybe hope wasn't exactly the right word for it but for it but you were too lost in the moment to give a damn.

“i love you.”

riki tenderly whispers into your ear and that's all it takes for the floodgates to open. you curl in closer to him, clutching his t-shirt as your sobs break loose. he wastes no time wrapping his arms around your quivering frame.

“i love you too.”

he buries his face into the side of your neck and it's not long before you feel your collar dampen from his tears. he isn't ready to let go either.

both of you had known this moment would come one day, and dreaded its arrival, but none of you were prepared for heartache to come knocking on your door so soon.

; a/n: i wasn't planning on writing anything in 10th grade bc I had a massive case of writer's block but here i am! i tried writing in present tense for the first time, did you guys like it better? sorry, it's pretty short. my exams are around the corner so i probably won't be putting anything out again for a few months at least. hope you liked the fic!

© mochamvgz on tumblr | all rights reserved | do not plagiarise, repost, or translate

[emacrow]

Danny has an aggressive secret admirer and that Admirer is Damian wayne.

How this all started was during the Gotham exchange program where Danny had accidentally enrolled in as a joke but didn't think he actually get picked.

Luckily his rogues decided to give him some peace for once since they didn't want to go anywhere near Gotham because she a scary lady, but she actually a very misunderstood lady who just want companion..

Just have a odd way of expressing.. but she allow him in her city until the program is over but has hinted very cryptic if he want to stay then Her Knights have ways.

On his first day of gotham high, everyone so far kept whispered about the new wayne bait?

He didn't really listen but he was mostly asleep in the classes because he already have the whole class homework down already and he using this entire program as a vacation to sleep for once since he first became a halfa.

How he met Damian was pure accident.. literally, as he had accidentally body flipped him so hard to the ground due to Damian grabbing his shoulder and he really didn't meant it but his body instinctly grab his hand.

Which lead to his now peaceful vacation becoming a bit problematic.. as Damian will not leave him alone..

Unknownly to danny. He had gained admirer..

His locker filled with letters that would make Dora blush with how old fashioned they were written in. The occasion and daily weapon gift giving left in his own dorm.( he thought it was skulker leaving him weapons to try out on their next fight) The chocolates he kept receiving thought it was from the other girls from the other class room. Some of his clothes were missing but he thought it was his roommate.

Meanwhile Damian is at his wits end to the point of nearly putting cameras in Danny's room if it weren't for Tim catching on rather quickly on his 'too far gone deep obsession' with the new kid. He had been benched several times because he had been caught on several occasions trying to sneak into Danny's apartment, his locker, his gym locker. To the point they now trying to distract him from approaching danny.

He is just doing the courting rituals that he had learned so far from Talia.. he didn't even get to try the kidnapped and held hostage ritual yet :(

[d8tl55c]

oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it

as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)

first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))

a few fav scenes

emotional support cwab

they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.

papery critter.

even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)

and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3

i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.

so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and

[

several hours later ...

]

oh

oh man

it's a little bigger than i expected

<next>

[boozybellybabe]

Posted it on reddit but the post was soooo long i was hesitant about posting it here too. Since there's some demand, here it is:

---

Pretty early in the day, I learned that my boss wouldn't be working on Friday. I was working on home and was guaranteed to be unsupervised so the gears in my brain were starting to turn. I started with one beer at 11:30am (i usually have it at 12 pm during coffee break) and kept working on some tasks I had while also posting a bit on reddit. I was feeling good so by 12pm I opened a second one.

By the time I was off work (3PM) I was 3 beers and a couple shots of vodka in, which had me feeling quite tipsy but also quite good. I had lunch really late at 4PM cause I got distracted, so you can see it was already affecting me. In any case I was really in the "it's Friday" mentality and knew that the plan for that day was getting drunk with my friend.

I think I've posted about my friend before, she's my age and we sometimes meet at one of our houses to basically drink, watch gossip videos, etc. Last weekend we did it and both got wasted enough that we had to help each other get home.

Anyway, I gave it a little rest after lunch but i felt myself getting a bit sleepy from the booze and the food, so of course the solution that came to my mind was coke+vodka. Mixed a drink and started sipping on it while chatting to people on reddit. I was really feeling it.

My friend and I were going to meet at 7pm, but she texted me saying she got caught up in something and would be there later, by 8pm. The only reasonable thing to do was to maintain the buzz until she arrived. I think I must have had 3-4 drinks before she got to my place, plus at least 3 shots of neat vodka and 4 beers. Plus, she's always late, and didn't show up until 9:30pm. By that time, I was seriously wasted. I actually got a bit nervous that I was getting too drunk and she might be mad or weirded out, so I was thinking of excuses and drinking more. Obviously all this was making me super horny, and I basically finished one whole drink in three gulps while touching myself thinking about how fucked up I was getting by myself.

So my friend arrived and the second I opened the door she could easily tell. I had a drink in my hand, I was slurring hard and I bet my face was red as a tomatoe. I was doing my best to stand still but I'm sure I was swaying just enough for it to be completely obvious. First thing she said was "what the fuck" with an incredulous smile and since I didn't manage to think of any excuses I just laughed like an idiot, told her I had started pregaming just before she had called me to postpone it and it had hit me. I hugged her and said sorry while laughing and she said it was ok. I'm not sure if it really was, I was a bit paranoid that she was mad at me.

So she was sober, and I was wasted, but our plan was still to drink. Plus, I didn't want her to feel like the party had started without her so obviously I pour both of us a drink, made her take a shot and we carried on as normal... except I wasn't normal. I basically drank everything she drank. I spilled a drink on my sofa (which now has a stain) and she kept telling me to tone it down cause I was speaking too loud. I couple times the neighbours knocked on the wall.

I started feeling nauseous but I didn't want to stop drinking or to admit that I was that drunk, so I just pretended to go to the bathroom as normal several times. I puked, which I'd be surprised if she didn't hear. By this time my memories are fuzzy as fuck. I remember looking at myself in the mirror after puking, next thing I'm on the sofa and suddenly wake up when she asks if I want to go to sleep, which I say no to. I insisted her to drink cause I really wanted her to be drunk, not for kink reasons but because I was feeling guilty that I was so drunk and she wasn't. Except I keep trying to drink with her. She tried to stop me a couple times.

Then I went to the bathroom again. Someone on reddit told me to make my signature pose by taking one pic with my foot on the sink. Tried to, it completely threw me off balance and I feel to the floor (i have a bad bruise from it now 😭). I don't know if she didn't hear it or if I passed immediately cause next thing she's waking me up on the bathroom floor. I think she was a bit annoyed. She helped me stand up with a lot of effort, cause I'm much taller than her. Plus, i was clingy as fuck, hugging her and saying I was sorry.

She was actually pretty drunk too, and it wasn't easy for her to carry my drunk tall ass to bed. I think we feel down a few times, and then I had to puke again. The rest I don't remember, but she told me the next day that she literally had to drag me to bed, and that I took 10 minutes trying to get on bed from the floor right next to it. She said that's the drunkest she's ever seen me, and she threw it in my face that I didn't wait for her to drink and she had to take care of me. I promised not to do it again. I'm not sure I'll keep that promise, or I'll have to think of other ways.

Oh, apparently at some point I also was very insistent that we went out, tried to go to my room to get dressed but fell down halfway and started rolling and giggling on the floor. I don't remember that.

im meeting a friend in a while but since its friday an my boss wasnt at work today ive been drinking for basically 9 hours ive had a lot of beer and many shots of vodka, my friend doesnt expect me to be this drunk and ive no idea what her reaction will be when she sees im wasted

[imerian]

My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for

More pictures under cut

[fromtheseventhhell]

It's crazy that people still uphold show!Sansa as a well-written character and pretend that liking her is the pinnacle of feminism when it would be infinitely more impactful to acknowledge her terrible and misogynistic writing. This is the same character who, while written by two men, was thankful for the abuse she suffered because it allowed her to grow. The same character who we had to be told was smart because the writers were too lazy to develop or show her intelligence. The same character who had to rely heavily on the men surrounding her and ended up accomplishing nothing on her own merit ( and no, thinking that she deserved to be Queen doesn't mean that she earned it). She is not well-written, she is not complex, and she is not a feminist character. Which is fine! If you enjoy her then good on you, but please stop pretending that she's something she isn't just because you feel the need to justify liking her character

[peppermintack]

show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw

[quickdeaths]

"I have to imagine most people are more talkative than you, huh?" They didn't mean it in any sort of negative way, really. Whether or Naoto was shy, Tsubasa wasn't sure, but she obviously wasn't someone who talked just to hear her own voice. It was a bit of a weird balance - trying to be authentic with her, while not bowling her over with too much friendliness or immediate familiarity that she might find off-putting. Honestly, they were putting a lot of work into that balancing act, and they weren't totally sure why. Was it just because the idea of someone not liking them was hard to take?

At least Naoto was putting in work in her own way too, which made it feel less one-sided or desperate, and her question was one that Tsubasa could answer at length. "For sure," they said, beaming. "When I was a middle-schooler, I used to spend a lot of time at a park around here, instead of going home right after school." By then, they'd tried to only go home when their paternal administrator had already arrived. Being alone with their maternal administrator only invited arguments and trouble. "There were some skaters who hung out there, and I guess they took a liking to me."

At that, Tsubasa puffed up their chest with a small laugh. "I mean, most people do, huh?" They were agreeable and easy to get along with, which made it all the more puzzling how in those days... "They bought me a board and some gear, and taught me how to skate, and I started hanging out there more and more." To the point of dropping out of school, but they didn't think Naoto would be so impressed by that, or the special school they currently attended.

They waved their hands lightly, skipping over most things in service of getting to the point. "Basically, I ended up linking up with this retired pro who told me I had the skills, so I decided to see if going pro was an option for me, and now, here I am, huh?" At that, Tsubasa gave a weak laugh. Sure, they were full of themselves sometimes, but it still felt a little awkward to call themselves any kind of professional athlete, as if other people wouldn't consider it a real job. "Anyway, why do you ask? Normal curiosity, or do you wanna learn? I could teach you, huh," they said with a chuckle, not expecting Naoto to take them up on it, but amused by the thought all the same.

She took the phone and wondered what life would be like, if it was even going to change after something as simple as this. It probably wouldn’t. Naoto kept her expression perfectly neutral while she tried to gauge Tsubasa’s thoughts on the exchange. They seemed happy, or as happy as they could be in a situation like this. Perhaps happiness wasn’t the right word, but they weren’t upset.

Another sip from her drink, when she was done, about a sixth was gone. “You’re more talkative than I am. That counts as being a conversationalist in my book.” Maybe it was a joke or a compliment. She wasn’t sure. Right now she was just saying things and wondering if this was the sort of thing they were fine with. Being too formal was something they didn’t exactly like, so Naoto had to change her approach, even if it pained her to do so.

She tapped her finger on the table, thinking of another topic to latch on to. “Can you... tell me more about your skateboarding hobby?” Or was it a way of life rather than a hobby? She wasn’t sure, but the recurring theme of her interactions with Tsubasa was being unsure. Naoto wished it wasn’t, but it was part of the growing pains of speaking to people outside of work, probably.

[tis-the-marmot]

Stuck in a very bad place both mentally and physically

When will things get better. will i get better

[multishipper-baby]

Now I'm thinking more about... Ray and how he feels about Owynn's music...

[girlitfeelsgood]

.

[bravewolfvesperia]

/ Since I mention in my pinned post that this blog has some changes from canon, I'm going to make a rundown post that I'll be linking in my muse info on my blog. My timeline post covers some of this too and has other things canon to my muse that aren't here because they're timeline based and not direct changes based. I'll update this as needed.

Repede had another owner before Yuri got him in the game. I'm combining this with FS. Thus, Repede would have been basically an infant when he and Lambert ended up with the knights. From there he took to Yuri as he did in the FS drama CD so Yuri was primarily in charge of Repede during his stay with the knights, but he and Flynn raised Repede together as is in line with the game. This means they continued raising him together even after Yuri left.

In the JP version of the game, Yuri says he was with the knights for a short time but doesn't specify how long that time was, so I'm completely yeeting the "three months" dub aspect from this blog. I can't reasonably assume he signed up, took the exams, went into training, went from errand boy to battle status, then went on normal missions and left in the span of three months. So as usual, we're following the JP timeline. Generally anything the dub makes up or actively changes from the original context/tone gets yeeted here.

In the FS drama CD, Flynn is extremely repetitive about Yuri quitting the knights and with his nagging. At least with @mistralxsoul and anyone else who prefers it the following way in threads with my muse, we're toning it down because it just feels absolutely batshit to us how bad it is in the drama CD (it's worse than even the movie itself).

Since the timeline for Yuri and Flynn's knighthood conflicts super horrendously between the novel, FS/FS drama CD and the game, I'm mixing all of it together (primarily because I consider the novel more canon than the FS drama CD). Basically (for my muse), they signed their names and didn't take the exams immediately, but when they eventually did it was at least a couple years later, due to Yuri still having his teen appearance when he signed his name to join in the novel. This is because otherwise, if I average my muse's teen age out to be fifteen/sixteen and his age to be about eighteen/nineteen in the knights, it would mean he'd been with the knights (including training, etc) anywhere from 2-4 years if his sign up was immediately after the novel's events. If they were to sign up and join immediately after the novel timeline, it also makes even less sense because Flynn's attitude in FS and his relationship with Yuri (and remember, the FS drama CD comes before the movie's timeline and Flynn was even worse about Yuri's attitude in the CD) would seem like it literally 180'd overnight.

So basically, to avoid all this insanity, a short summarized timeline for my muse would be: they signed up but didn't join right away, Flynn moved away and was gone for a couple years or so after the events of the novel, both of them changed in personality/behavior drastically in that time, they met up at the exams, they went into training, they got sent to Niren's squad, they were more errand boys than actual knights when they were still super fresh newbies and Yuri was extremely annoyed with that, they were actual knights for a while (I'm going to say Yuri was a knight for at least six months or more, especially if I consider the trajectory of Flynn's behavior toward him in the drama CD through the end of FS), the events of FS were not one straight timeline and things happened between the days etc etc, then Yuri left.

Following the game's drama CDs, Yuri hesitated a lot more when Flynn was injured at Zaude. If not for Flynn nudging him to go after Alexei even while wounded, Yuri wouldn't have left him there.

Following the same drama CDs, it's Raven and Repede who find and look after Yuri when he wakes up after Zaude. That is to say, Repede was already with Raven and lunged when he sniffed out Yuri in his room (super doggo powers). Raven followed Repede in a panic, who ran to Yuri's room upon realizing Yuri was there, and Raven finds Yuri awake but right in the middle of passing back out (the sound is basically Raven's voice being distant with some ringing, so it's from Yuri's point of view that Raven is trying to get him to steady himself but he passes back out). Raven takes care of him from there until he's recovered properly enough to go back. In this time, Rita did investigating and eventually, with the others minus Raven, went to Zopheir after deciding they couldn't dawdle and just wait in their grief. While they're there, Yuri and Raven have headed out after them and show up together and reunite with the rest of the group. Raven has already been updated on what Yuri knows from Duke at this point (Duke saved him as usual, but the drama CD changes come in after that), so the two of them update everyone else.

In the game, there's a skit with Yuri, Flynn and Karol where Yuri mentions "playing in a river", but in the novel, they were actually getting water at the river and the other kids were playing in the river when they got attacked by a monster, fell into the river (Yuri also mentions (I thiiiink in another unrelated skit) that just falling into "a river" was enough to panic him), and Flynn grabbed onto a merman. For my muse, I'm just going with Yuri simplifying the situation to Karol while keeping the novel's event as my muse's canon.

[chuluoyi]

✎ mission: baby steps !

- gojo satoru x reader

the three times gojo tried to make his baby love him (and how he miserably fails)

genre: full crack, dad!gojo being a sore loser, your baby being mean (he only wants peace, really), and obviously, fluff !!

note: a little thing for father's day ehe <3 i know i said i'll work on smut in the polls next but uhhh, this comes first ok?! :') i just love the idea of gojo vs baby don't mind me *sobs* and all the scenario here come from the tiktok/reels you've sent me!

a part of gojo's love entries

general masterlist

There are many things that come with being a jujutsu sorcerer, and when you are Gojo Satoru, those things seem to be multiplying like bunnies.

This essentially means less time with his wife and baby. Look, he could finish missions fast, but when sent to other cities, even he couldn't abuse his teleportation powers all the time to return to Tokyo.

And so, as much as he hated it, he couldn't fault his baby boy for forgetting him.

"Look, it's papa," you rocked your son with a smile, consoling him as he wailed right after Satoru held him. "Don't cry, don't cry! Papa just got back from a long mission, he's not scary!"

"Is he scared of me?" Ouch. The thought prickled him. It somehow felt sourer than seeing Principal Gakuganji's face.

You hummed, seemingly (or comically?) deep in thought. "Hmm, in baby's point of view: a big, bad man suddenly picks him up, of course he's scared."

"I'm not a bad man!"

Okay, he wasn't having this. Satoru adored his baby to bits and he would want him to at least know it. It's settled then—he would be taking paid leave just to spend some time with his baby.

This would be his mission for the next three days!

DAY ONE

The day started off great. Baby Gojo was relatively calm, a bit fussy here and there but Satoru could definitely handle him.

"Look, a plane is coming!" he said playfully, moving the spoon in the air to attract his baby's attention. "Open your mouth wide!"

Baby blinked at him with the straightest face ever. His two blue orbs were the very same as his father, and yet they held disinterest so great that it was a wonder Satoru didn't notice.

He then playfully smooched baby's face, but he scrunched up, cringing in response.

And later, another achievement unlocked: Satoru successfully got his son to sleep for his afternoon nap!

"You're so cute, sigh." Satoru poked his baby's cheek lightly. "You look like me, but when you sleep, you totally look like your mama..."

He might not say it out loud, but one of his favorite sights lately was seeing you sleep next to your son. Both of you looked so precious and vulnerable, so alike, and it made him warm.

And whenever he looked at this little creation between you and him, he also got the urge to poke him so bad.

So he did. Only this time, he poked him a little too hard.

And how wrong that move was.

His son immediately cracked his eyes open, his lips quivered, and then his whole face scrunched up, followed by—

"WAAA!"

"Oof! Wait— I'm sorry!"

Long story short, he refused to be held in Satoru's arms, so you took over and your husband could only watch you with dissatisfaction.

"Won't you let me hold you?" he asked despondently, pulling up a pitiful face and batting his eyelashes. "I have the warmest hugs! Mama can vouch for that!"

"Satoru, he doesn't want you."

DAY ONE RESULT : FAILED

DAY TWO

Okay, his baby would love him today. Satoru was sure of it.

He had ordered this baby ride-on toy via home shopping and not only that, he would play with him!

"Here we goo~! Honk! Honk!" Satoru steered the little vehicle with his son at the backseat, hyping him up and even made a weird sound that was supposed to resemble a... train?

You watched them both, giggling. Your husband looked positively ridiculous as he was too big for the small vehicle, but still persisted in entertaining your clueless baby behind him. "Oh my, Satoru, you're trying way too hard."

"I have to!" he retorted, sending pout and a glare at the same time. "You can't hog him all the time, he's my son too!"

"Well, good luck~ as it happens, your spawn isn't easy to impress."

"Just so you wait—!" Satoru begrudgingly shot you a look, eaten up by your taunts, not noticing the wall in front of him. "By the end of today, he'll— whoaaa!"

He was about to crash into the said wall, and you were prepared to jump to save your baby first. But then, Satoru did the next best thing to stop it—jumping out of the ride-on, rolling onto the floor... and crashing into the bookshelf that some of the things fell. "Ow!"

"Are you okay!?" you immediately picked up your baby before checking him over. However, Satoru's eyes were transfixed on your shared munchkin.

"Meh heh~"

And you too when you heard it— your baby was wiggling, all smiles, seemingly amused by the sight of his papa lying there pitifully. Satoru was aghast.

"Y-you have no filial piety!"

DAY TWO RESULT : FAILED

DAY THREE

Today, Satoru had gotten inside the playpen and brought a bunch of toys, planning to entertain his son with all of them.

"C'mon, don't throw that!" he pursed his lips when his kid flung the lego away. "Don't you want to play together with me?"

No. As if saying that, the baby crawled away from him. He seemed to have a target in mind though.

"Oi, what are you doing?" Satoru was puzzled, but he was in for a surprise when the child rose slowly.

"Oh, you're pushing yourself up..." he stated, observing how the baby, still wobbly, clutched on the edge of his playpen for support.

A huge grin spread across his face then. "Aww, look at you!" he gushed with pride. "You can stand already! Ooh!"

And suddenly, the sight tugged at his heartstrings. This was the first time he had ever witnessed such a milestone. He wasn't here when he first started teething or crawling, and now that he was here when his son was standing... he wanted to see more of this.

"Now, can you take a step?" Satoru moved closer to him, and the kid turned to him with those clear blue eyes and a little frown, seemingly unsure. "Go! Go! Come to me!"

He didn't think he would actually try to walk. But he did as baby let go of the support, alas suddenly he slipped—

And fell flat on his face.

"—! Are you hurt?!" Satoru immediately plucked him off the floor, horrified, and pulled him close when the baby started to sniffle. Soon, he began to wail inconsolably.

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—!" he didn't even know why he was apologizing, but seeing his baby so frightened made his chest tighten. "Stop crying, oh wait—let's find mama!"

You were engrossed in your evening TV series when Satoru came barging to the living room with your poor son while being hysterical. "Help him!"

"What happened?!"

"He fell! He fell!"

Of course, your main concern was to comfort your baby, and so you reached out to take him from your husband's arms, only that...

"Huh...?" even Satoru was stunned when his son clutched onto his shirt, continuing to cry but refusing to let go, burying his little face into him.

Suddenly, he felt warm, he felt needed, and most of all, his desire to protect him was so overwhelming that he couldn't help but squeeze him closer.

You looked between the father and son, feeling giddy at the sight.

"He wants you," you finally smiled, patting baby's back. Satoru glanced between you and his precious pumpkin, seemingly taken aback as he blinked several times. When the fact sank in, he felt like a mush and pressed a kiss on his head.

The clown was convinced that his kid hates him and you are the savior. So, the fact that this little innocent being wanted him to comfort him... it made his heart flutter.

"Sorry, kid," he sighed into him, smushing his face to his little one's. "Don't cry, yeah? You're making me sad too."

"Satoru... are you getting glassy-eyed?"

"...am not!"

DAY THREE RESULT : DUBIOUS OUTCOME

"He's asleep..." you placed your baby between you and Satoru on the bed later that night, he was now so peaceful, out like a light.

Satoru turned to face you and the baby, looking at both of you with a yawn, but a soft smile lit his face when he saw how you pecked his son's cheek lightly.

These three days made him almost forget that curses still existed out there. Spending time with his son blurred that fine line between reality and a perfect daydream.

"He is still so little, but he screams so loud," he mused, poking the baby's cheek gently. You swatted his hand away, worried he might poke too hard again.

"You keep teasing him, that's why."

"—? He keeps playing me, is why!"

You two burst into quiet giggles then, and you couldn't help but reminiscing about the journey from when you first found out you were expecting, through the first ultrasound, and all the way to delivering your son.

And it seemed like Satoru had an inkling of what you were thinking when he suddenly blurted:

"Thank you, for everything you do," he whispered then, his eyes crinkled so softly at you.

You playfully huffed to hide your misty eyes, and in that moment, Satoru knew, that you too were glad for this life you two shared.

. . .

And that, in and of itself, was enough for him to thank all the stars for bringing him to meet you in that most beautiful spring of 2006.

Epilogue

It was morning, and baby was awoken by... sounds.

He looked to the side to find his mama there— your hand on his tummy to prevent him from rolling.

And then he turned to the other side to find his papa... who is perfectly still, but emanating this low sounds with each breath he took.

The longer he heard it, the more irritated your munchkin felt. So he rose, put his fists together, and came down on him—

Whack!

"—?!" Satoru groaned when something hit his face, and he opened his eyes only to see his son readying his punch again—

"W-why are you hitting me!" he was mortified. "H-help! Sweets, wake up! He’ll murder me!”

OVERALL MISSION RESULT : FAILED

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[lux-astrorum]

update, the zit on my chin is back YET AGAIN so I get to try out the new extra strength microdart patches from zitsticka. in slightly better news, finally figured out what was causing my hip flexor pain from running and it was the FUCKING SHOES so I went out and got new ones which will be hopefully better for me