#obsessed with the first pic she's so diva | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lyreleafblog · 2 years ago

Text

The Legacy

A (very long) History of Lyre Leaf

Well, it’s come time to do some real talking. I previously introduced myself on a more baseline level, but today I would like to go into some more depth about what this blog is, why it is what it is, and how I’m going to move forward with it. Let’s get into it.

I grew up on the internet—and I think that’s one of the most important talking points to start out with on this blog. A lot of people in my generation grew up on the internet. We were the children of an era with divorce rates higher than ever seen before or since. We became latch-key kids with social anxiety and developmental giftedness that wore off in middle school. Many of us were incredibly poor because of our familial division, what with un-met child support and undocumented hereditary gambling running rampantly outside of the sanitary family courts that determined our custody agreement. We weren’t going out because we couldn’t afford to. Breaks from school were spent at home, most often alone, if not left to mingle with a sibling or two, with nothing to do besides satisfy our curiosities. Of course, when we look at history, it all seems so simple and crisp; Of course children are curious little things, even the older fifteen-ers who think the three long years separating their consciousness from a voting ballot are mostly pointless. Without present guardians to answer our trivial curiosities—without a voice waiting to answer the utterly predictable “why is the sky blue?” banter—we defaulted, simultaneously, to a different authority. We grew up on Google.

As I typed that, just then, this reality manifested in the between-the-lines crevices of societies’ infrastructure. Allow me to clarify: Sally googles all her questions. Did you see that? The word “google” is a verb now. It no longer requires the elegant capitalization of a typical proper noun, such as Bing. Nobody “bings” a question—and Microsoft Word knows so. Google raised a generation. Just like how the heaviness and context of the word “Mother” as a formal, brand-name account of an individual becomes the given expectation of “mothering” as we age into our theory of mind, with our awareness that our parents are not “God” but “gods” with a noteworthy little “g,” and so “Google” becomes “googling.” It starts at the first sign of a book report for which one has never read the book in question.

I didn’t have the chance nor the sense to consider actually asking a parent what the hell had gone wrong with me. I had grown up googling, with a little “g,” every time I had a question. At six years old, my mother gifted me her dinosaur; a Windows 98 PC. I was diagnosed with asthma after a bout of pneumonia around six years old and I’d been prescribed daily breathing treatments. Those treatments went down with a lot less fidgeting when they occurred in front of a computer, so my mother was sold. Little would she know that I would soon take over her brand-new Windows XP computer to live vicariously though The Sims. My own googling started out gingerly: Diva Stars, Barbie, My Scene, Polly Pocket, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, Winx… I am bating you for nostalgia without shame. It escalated alongside my (perhaps unfortunate) rapidly evolving preference for the written word. My search history evolved into how-to-add-hexed-files-to-Babyz and how-to-add-custom-Catz3. By the time I was 8 or so, I was fully enthralled in The Sims and almost all my time on the internet was spent learning about how to make objects for the game. Somehow, I actually achieved this, which shocks now-adult-me.

Google helped me discover things all on my own, too, such as the landscape of online friendship. My first account in what I guess one could call the online-social realm was none other than the massively underrated Barbie Girls franchise. (For anyone wondering, I am still most certainly obsessed with Barbie and closely follow Barbie content—please feel free to send me pics of any cool dolls or other Barbie things you might have.) I realized right away that this early MMO-esque digital universe model suited me much more than socializing in real life. Canned chat (pre-written dialogue options used in place of traditional instant messaging in online multiplayer worlds) generally prevented me from being bullied, which had been a significant problem for me at school. I especially appreciated creative elements in these kinds of online environments. Google helped me find more of them.

Eventually, I got into the world of MMORPGs. It’s all my mother’s fault. Before a custody agreement changed, I grew up with her and her unbelievable addiction to Adventure Quest. She was on the leaderboards (The Feline Fatale, if you’re wondering, way, way back in the late 00’s). While living separately, we played Mabinogi together (Long live Elrinnia, elven savior of the goddess!). As I got even older, we became more and more distant for a number of reasons, and google persisted as my primary authority on information. I found more communities in which to practice my social skills.

I got into sharing my writing online and even went on to make a few YouTube videos with my stepsiblings and friends. I won a few writing awards back in the hay-day of the Young Writers Society. I experimented with art communities and game groups. I eventually found my way to Tumblr, which, at the time, I had only even seen before while peeking over the backcombed mane of our middle school scene-queen in typing class.

I had a few friends who had made pages on the site. I decided to make one, too! It serves to share that, like any teenager, I was, at that age, desperately trying to fit in with my peers and would quickly involve myself in their activities in any way I could find possible. I was utterly unaware of the scope of my disability at that age and couldn’t understand why I struggled to maintain fulfilling friendships in real life, so the idea of virtually-fitting-in using a digital avatar was especially appealing to me. Unfortunately, because of my age and autism, I was also exceedingly impressionable, and would find that this borderline underground social media / blog platform was mostly unregulated. That’s when it all started getting serious.

I had always been sick, I just didn’t know it. As an infant, I was born with an ongoing infection and couldn’t go home after birth. I had several serious allergies and intolerances. At age six, like I mentioned, my breathing problems began. Soon after I would be diagnosed with migraines and chronic morning sickness (from stomach problems). I was six or seven years old when I was first diagnosed with childhood depression by Christian counselors. My mother told me that I had nothing to be depressed about because I had never known suffering (she was, quite literally, violently incorrect). When I was about seven years old, I would have a three month-long bout with strep throat which was eventually culled by surgery removing my infected tonsils and lymph nodes. Every year I would spend a minimum of six months dysfunctional and sick from various colds and viruses, occasionally requiring hospitalization to get my breathing problems under control. I missed more than two combined years of school, but still graduated on time despite never getting a chance to make up my lost education. Around ten, I got my first endometriosis period. My so-called period cramps would last for one week before, the week of, and one week following my menstrual period. By this point, I was disabled for 75% of my entire waking life at least—but my predisposition to develop very severe, very long-lasting viral infections would most often cancel out whatever pain-free-days I might otherwise have. I was a completely hopeless human being and my mental health showed this.

The older I got, the worse my health became. My incredibly vicious periods became less predictable in my early teens, and longer. My digestive issues were so pronounced that my stomach was regularly distended and painful. I threw up most mornings before school, so my step mother gave me unrestricted access to PeptoBismol, explaining my dangerous symptoms away as school-anxiety. Around this age, I developed severe skin and sinus allergies to a massive host of proteins, including seemingly all animal proteins. I had a shampoo with egg protein that caused my scalp to flake and itch painfully. I would develop massive welts all across my skin when washing the family dogs. My parents supplemented me with Zyrtec and other baby-problem allergy mediations at which my immune system cathartically laughed and howled. On top of everything else, my walking problem (a usually unnoticeable limp) became apparent when I was about fourteen, and somehow, my family members were allowed to decide for me that corrective shoes would be too unflattering to be worth saving older-me from chronic hip pain. My suffering was genuinely unthinkable, even to the me of today who some would argue is only remotely better than the me of then. I had nothing and nobody in my corner—nobody cared about the fact that I was constantly in pain, constantly suffocating, always covered in hives with raw, itchy skin. I remember feeling as if they were applying a band aid over a burst jugular.

I had to smile and nod. Any time I expressed my medical needs, they were not only invalidated, but I was often criticized for expressing them at all. In my real life, I was a theatrical, dramatic liar who would rather fake her own death than even sit in a room with family members. I was evil—so very, truly evil—the production of a voodoo curse or a gnarly past life—and all I did was pretend to be sick, all to use it for my tiny mastermind plan of laying in bed and doing nothing all day long—the true pinnacle satisfaction of the human boredom that birthed stone tools (this is sarcasm). In my real life, I had absolutely no control over anything that was happening—but I did have one thing; I had google, with a little “g.”

I’m an American woman, and it’s no secret that one of the leading health problems in the USA is obesity. In reality, it’s a hell of a lot more complicated than “obesity,” which itself is a symptom and not the actual problem, in my personal and utterly unqualified opinion, but that’s how the media portrays this phenomenon. So, naturally, when I angrily googled “why the fuck am I always in agony” as a fourteen-and-a-half-year-old, the GPS-localized Google Search feature on my laptop’s browser pointed me to the answer that most locals wanted and expected to hear.

[why the fuck am i always in agony]

“you’re overweight.”

Me? Not possible, I had thought. All of my life, everyone had told me I was too skinny. I remember my weight being a constant conversation in the pediatrician’s office. I googled deeper.

BMI. Hip to waist ratio.

You ex-anorexics know how the story goes.

Standing in front of the archaic Victorian-mansion-darkwood-vanity with a construction-grade measuring tape stolen from the garage, I lifted my shirt up and took my measurements. I don’t remember what they were, not that the internet would need to know about a minors waist-to-hip-ratio, but I was satisfied enough to loosen to grips of my rapidly developing eating disorder upon the realization that society had determined the proportion of my stomach to be acceptable. That couldn’t be it, I thought. Whatever was wrong with me was not my weight.

Well, a not even another year would pass of my daily melt-on-the-tongue-allergy meds, my stupid chalky bismuth tablets, and my period cramps that had me sobbing through French class, before I would again refocus my blame for my suffering on the enemy that society said was behind it. The next time I went to evaluate my stomach was right before one of those lovely endometriosis periods, and immediately after eating half a bag of lays potato chips on my couch, with a step brother, as soon as we got home from school. This time, my belly was totally massive, and I didn’t need to measure it to see that.

I thought I knew what to do. I thought I had gained belly fat. I was fourteen, freshly out of a situation legally described as neglect, and I had grown up hating and blaming myself for serious physical ailments that I happened to endure. Every resource I could google said that belly inches are belly fat. I probably never even heard the word “bloat” until a year later. I had no idea that one of the very most common symptoms of endometriosis, or gastroparesis, or hernias, or any one of the number of the things wrong with my abdomen, was abdominal distention. I was fat. The billboards said I was fat. Magazines said I was fat. Posters in the doctor’s office said I was fat. Commercials said I was fat. The news said I was fat. Every single possible resource I was exposed to universally agreed that the cause of misery was being fat and that the solution to every perceivable problem a person might face, from poverty to extortion, might be weight loss. I became determined to get un-fat-- to take my health into my own hands, once and for all.

Google with a little “g” wasn’t doing enough. I would drink extra water, choose whole grains, eat fruits and vegetables and ride my bike as often as I could get away with. No matter what I did, about 75% of the time, I had some degree of abdominal distention. It changed dramatically throughout the day, leading very-dumb-bless-your-heart-me to believe that I was rapidly gaining and losing weight and fat. Since seemingly nobody ever cared about my unending medical symptoms before, I never even considered bringing this up to my care-givers as a problem, though I was open about my desire to lose belly fat and feel better. One day, I decided to explore the weight loss realm of Tumblr to see if I could find more personal experiences to study, hoping to apply others strategies for weight loss and health to myself. That’s how I fell down the rabbit hole.

Now, I was never one of those pro-ana types with the weight loss groups and the ana-buddies or any of that crap. I was already extremely hard on myself all the time, and I didn’t want or need motivation to lose weight. What piqued my interest were the “tips and tricks” they shared around for how to avoid food and suspicion. Those spheres utterly discredited the conventional weight-loss advice, the food pyramid and any medical knowledge about weight or metabolism. They believed in fairytales—that eating only chocolate would make your body “reject absorbing the chocolate” and that you could throw up enough food to cancel out whatever energy your saliva sent straight to your blood stream. I was desperate, young, and whole grains weren’t making my endo-belly stay small, so I opted to give these wild ideas a chance. More importantly, I took to the philosophy of self-proclaimed pro-bulimics, and decided to stop using anti-nausea medication. The result of that was that it became unnaturally easy for me to vomit up virtually anything that made it past my esophagus in the first place, and so I did.

Things rapidly got out of control. I lost weight so quickly that everyone around me noticed and cared very suddenly. I lost my period right away, which became the single greatest incentive behind my disordered eating as my chronic pain was dramatically reduced. I was eventually slammed into eating disorder treatment. Minnie Maud, Renfrew—I’ve seen some shit. When you’re diagnosed with an eating disorder as a minor, there are some prerequisite appointments that must occur to assess damage from the disorder. I was diagnosed with my mitral valve prolapse, the supposed explanation to a lifetime of ignored heart palpitations until then, and gastroparesis, which I was told was a temporary side effect from my history of multi-day fasts and vomiting. I also had a host of dental problems and to this day have extremely fragile teeth.

Eventually I found my way into a real-life support group with a bunch of other Tumblr teens. I started a recovery blog and so did most of them. That’s where the story starts to get good. My recovery friends nursed me into my eighteenth birthday. By this point, I had become one of the token-teen-anorexics at my high school and had the disturbing experience of being asked for weight loss advice by my academic peers. I hated this with all of my soul and eventually, so much so, that I wanted to publicly open up about why I had been skinny, why it was bad, and why nobody else should want what I had. I made myself public. I looked up to Amalie Lee and Sarah Frances Young who had similarly bridged the communities in their real lives with the online recovery communities, producing an incredible amount of positive support for themselves whilst also serving to show struggling individuals what’s possible, so I opted to do the same and “put a face to the name.” My plan worked.

The same therapist who supervised my real life support group had been helping me plan a very big move. She’d determined that the problem with my mental health wasn’t that I had been neglected, but that I still actively was being neglected. I needed to be able to be fully responsible for tending to my own needs, or those needs would go on being unmet. I was seventeen when I signed my first lease and was eighteen when I moved 500 miles away from home to a town I’d never been to, in the single greatest escape of my life. My public openness with this experience attracted many people to me, who finally, rather than asking me for weight loss advice, were benefiting from my knowledge on moving out young, finding work, finding shelter and food, and best of all, recovering from disordered eating.

Everything was going great. People would message me for support or resources, I would share it. I bullied a few pro-ana people and launched secret campaigns against various pro-ana spaces on the internet. Somehow, me and all of my friends were those new-age 2015 hippies that don’t mind being broke as long as they’re, like, California-broke, and still eating vegan avocado toast every morning. We were a little subculture of our own, finding our healing through the extremely culturally appropriated words of white male authors who were profiting off our spiritual vulnerability—but it was mutualistic enough that everyone kind of turned out okay, mostly.

I was one of the first flies to drop. My moms death coincided with the terrible worsening of the my endometriosis and PCOS symptoms, long after I had weight-restored. I first shared about it online because I had grown desperate and felt lonely in my circumstance. At the time, I only knew I had endometriosis. My partner immediately became my full time care-taker.

Thanks yet again to the internet, namely Facebook support groups, eventually I got health insurance and got my excision surgery. I was sent off from Dr. Fox with a warning that I probably had more problems going on, and not to blame endometriosis for any ongoing pain, but to seek out other answers until I’ve found them and not be misled. Around the same time, I noticed Amalie posting about her own PCOS—with photos of the same distended belly that I had, that had started it all, maybe for both of us, even. No fucking way.

Yes, fucking way, indeed. Dr. Fox had already alluded so himself, but seeing it happen in real life was a very unexpected experience for me. I still remember him inferring to me that PCOS correlates with bulimia, so casually that it was almost mean, as to bundle up someone’s complex, perceived-to-be-psychological struggle into a little blood-sugar package. It all went against the accepted modality for eating disorder recovery, which insisted that the phenomenon was purely psychological. I then noticed my other hero, Sarah, sharing about CFS. As it turns out, an abundance of research exists linking chronic illness to disordered eating. I already had been diagnosed with my endometriosis and the issues I had in childhood, but I had no idea that the experience of chronic illness and disordered eating might be so common.

I became vocal about the observation of the overlap in patient demographics. It still seems like nobody cares much, but I continue to try to raise awareness of the subject because I know one day people will care. People only care about endometriosis excision thanks to anecdote-advocates like myself, but now, they care a hell of a lot more than they did before anecdote-advocates existed.

In 2020, I moved again, back down to the metropolitan area I was born in, but not close to where I grew up. In December of 2020, I first dislocated my shoulder. After a couple of days of walking around in horrible pain, I hesitantly made my way into an urgent care where my x-ray was questioned. I had a dislocation, but absolutely nothing else was wrong, not even bruising, which was extremely unusual. The Urgent Care doctors told me to tell my normal doctor about everything.

My normal doctor then referred me to rheumatology and cardiology. It all happened faster than anyone could have seen coming—and so fast, specifically, because while I was tangled up in my endometriosis treatment back in 2017, the entire diagnostic criteria for my underlying condition, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, was professionally altered to make it exquisitely better at locating and diagnosing individuals like myself. I have almost every single known feature associated with the condition. I passed the Beighton score with a 9/9, had been diagnosed with my hernias during endometriosis surgery, had the heart stuff and the skin stuff and even the startling scar stuff that made my doctors demand I see a specialist in my condition before I ever try to conceive.

“You’re so soft!” Was something my friends had been saying to me all my life. I thought they were trying to compliment my choice of moisturizer—I didn’t realize they meant that I literally felt like velvet to them.

Ehlers Danlos turned out to be responsible for a lot of my experiences with poor body image and food—pretty much whatever endometriosis and PCOS didn’t inspire. As I discovered, things like “walking funny” affect one’s posture, which can cause us to carry ourselves in a way that slouches our guts forward and makes us appear to have a rounder middle than we would if postured correctly. I remember standing in a bathroom with a bunch of girls as a teenager once, and all of us, being toxic south Florida suburb kids, were comparing our bellies. Everyone was stretching and pulling their bellies out and talking about how big they were. Of course, as EDSers know, the belly is upon the stretchiest of our portions, so I shocked even myself when I saw my belly kept going and going as I pulled it away from my waist. Humiliated, I was apparently visibly distraught, because the other little girls immediately began comforting me. “You’re not fat! It’s just skin!” “Yeah, you’re definitely not fat, but you are really stretchy."

(A primary feature of Ehlers Danlos is soft, stretchy skin)

Finally aware of the terms for my innumerable ailments, and many more appointments and diagnoses later, I decided to seek out a more specialized kind of therapy. Back in 2018, I had been diagnosed with OCD whilst grieving the loss of my mother. OCD is commonly considered a neurodiverse condition, meaning that while it most certainly can be mentally debilitating, aspects of it are more neurological than specifically psychological. Rather than working against thoughts and feelings, neurodiverse individuals are working against immutable developmental traits to fit in to a conventional world. I eventually found myself under the care of a doctor who was well informed and established with neurodiverse clients, who explained the state of affairs with neurodiverse psychology and insurance in the United States, with adult diagnosis, and most importantly, with what specifically is wrong with me.

This doctor helped me overcome lifelong learning difficulties and discover my actual identity. Slowly but surely, I have been coming around to opening up about the uniqueness of that entire experience online but sharing about being neurodivergent is a hell of a lot harder than sharing about physical ailments. The longer I endured through my new format of therapy, the easier it was to have conversations about the actual logistics of my conditions and how they work in my head. Why can't I do math? It's too noisy.

Understandably, it can feel very dehumanizing as a patient to have conversations like that with a new therapist or mental healthcare team early on. I eventually learned that, yet again, chronic illness tells a story about our so-called “mental health” but in a way much more important than I had ever dreamed possible in my old ED-recovery-days.

Not only is there a well-established co-occurrence between these “neurodiverse” conditions and the form of chronic illness that I have, but many of the psychological symptoms of said neurodiverse disorders specifically co-occur with relative physical features, such as in the case of TMJ (TMD) and hearing or even attention problems. It’s all just fascinating. With this knowledge, every detail of my life started to make sense. Why had I been neglected? Hereditary-neurodivergent mothering, firstly, compiled with my own inability to recognize or speak about my physical state or needs with enough detail to mean anything—combined with just the perfect amount of white coat syndrome to make me lie, cheat and fake my own wellness or do anything else to avoid cancelling my plans for a doctors visit. Why was I so good at all of school besides math? A learning disability, attention problems, a total inability to interpret mathematical data when it’s spoken directly to me or drawn at me, an inability to properly decipher the symbolism that has come to be known as numbers. Why did nobody notice? I have been intimidatingly pedantic nearly since birth—reading early, writing early, despite never developing hand coordination superior to that of a four-year-old, and practicing the one and only communication skill I was born with an inclination towards being good at. I would write them all clear out of bounds, with a nerdy, pompous level of self confidence that offended and tickled my instructors and fortunately satisfied those meant to judge my writing. It had been that way for me all along, but somehow, it slipped away from my memory. My ability to sound smart is what got me through elementary and middle school.

I am pedantic and intimidating and usually seem much, much smarter and more in control than I actually am. Whether or not I’m a compulsively-faking antisocial psychopath is still up for debate in my own psyche, but my healthcare team has assured me that, what I am, in fact, is a stereotypically neurodivergent person with some trauma around my previously unmet healthcare needs, and also, having lots of healthcare problems that I very much haven't made peace with having.

I also don't want to have these conditions-- not that anyone ever truly wants something like that—I know that would be very unusual—but the diagnosis and treatment of everything besides endometriosis was somehow even more traumatic to me. My mother, the parent I inherited my wonky body from, of course also had my condition and arguably my neurotype, too. I grew up watching the healthcare system fail her and addict her to needless anxiety medications while ignoring her impending early death. I had no interest in reliving another second of that experience. A big part of my disordered eating had stemmed from that fear—the fear that being fat was the cause of sickness and misery.

Finally, I had gotten all of the answers that have for so long plagued my mind.

Now it’s been well over a year, almost a year and a half since I got diagnosed with the last thing I’ve been diagnosed with that wasn’t a random emergency. I’m still adjusting to life with this newfound understanding of my body and my brain. While some of my conditions have significantly improved, like my endometriosis and the joint-injury involved in my Ehlers Danlos, other aspects, like my ongoing mast cell problems and frequently flaring stomach problems, persist and occasionally worsen.

At the point where all of the diagnoses piled up, I felt extremely vulnerable, especially with sharing on my most public, this-is-my-face platform. This isn’t solely of my own, accord, either, as my still impressionable brain is sensitive to the rising criticism against people who talk about their disabilities or chronic illnesses online. At the same time, I too am able to step back from my pedestal and analyze the real implications behind individuals who might be identified as chronic illness influencers. While most individuals in this demographic are viewed positively, a dangerous amount of controversy surrounds their community. Individuals point out the frequency of grifters and scammers.

In my own time among the environments of Facebook support groups, and in the micro-communities I found by publicizing my own experience with mental and physical illness, I too had noticed a highly disturbing trend. It’s one that brought me all the way back to my beginnings, and one that hopefully will justify this absolutely gargantuan transcript of a post. People were competing. These environments, those focused around various chronic illnesses, fostered a competitiveness between patients. One image specifically struck me; a young, emaciated woman, with a feeding tube, posting a selfie from her hospital bed took me all the way back to Wintergirls. I’m not that sick, I told myself the moment I saw her. What is that sick? What is sick enough?

I never want to be part of that atmosphere. I never want to be viewed as competing or be caught belittling someone else’s anguish to better highlight my own. I am utterly petrified of accusations of hypochondria as I’ve lost some family to that very insistence. At the same time, I am perfectly ordinary— blending in well enough to have an ear or two on me at least, compared to the rural, disfigured Appalachians on the other side of my genetic lottery number. Especially when the common conversation focuses more on grifting and scamming than awareness—who is going to practice blatant, blunt, ugly and unwarranted honesty, besides someone who can’t help themselves?

Fortunately, life has backed me up against the wall yet again. Everything will be okay, this time, for real, and I’ve just convinced myself otherwise out of anxiety that’s real enough to be acknowledgeable. I am afraid of the impending changes and transitions that my state of being require. I am hesitant to do this, to sit at home and write and write and write, despite knowing there’s not much else I can do to be heard. I realized through my work and college that my experience has permanently defined my perception, and that perception is an inherently wonderful thing. I’ve learned from the experts that diversity is what strengthens a population and is a tremendous part of what makes us human. I don’t have to look or be normal to be meaningful; in fact, just like the back-of-cereal-boxes love to remind children, being unique is a good thing.

Now, I’m focusing on that; I’m exploring the things that make me different. One of them is that I’m sure many of you do not spend the entirety of your pain-stricken day off writing a 5,000+ word article for an insignificantly tiny audience. I’m sure many people haven’t needed to source out sliding-scale healthcare institutions. Plenty of people don’t currently think maybe there’s a cyst on my right ovary again.

Nevertheless, my story is unthinkably common. The only issue is that a lot of people like never get the pen in their hands, literally and figuratively. Genetic and developmental conditions will seriously damage individuals’ prospects without proper early intervention. I got diagnosed with what I’m hoping is pretty-much-everything by 24. A lot of people won’t be so lucky, and whenever they go through a major life change, and their bodies and brains fail to bounce back, it’s a total, life-ruining surprise. If not for my own “great escape” and my very much updated family, I probably wouldn’t even be here writing right now.

One thing that people like me all have in common is that we will spend as much time in front of a computer screen or cellphone screen as we are able to do so, because the low-activity stimulation involved with today’s technology is a dopamine-godsend to a kin like ours. So I know that by sharing, I am able to touch the lives of individuals who may have no idea just how much they have in common with me, or the rest of people like me out here in the world.

The internet is a giant library of information, and the more we engage with it, the more accurate it becomes in meeting our needs (specifically in terms of web crawlers). If someone googling joint pain, with a little “g,” happens upon my story, maybe they’ll be more inclined to make that first appointment or take a leap of faith and make a move or escape their unhealthy home environment. I can’t do anything meaningful to really raise us up for the revolution we deserve-- I mean, I try to donate where I can and I'm a big believer in mutual aid, and I struggle, too-- but I can play my part in practicing honesty and vulnerability, in sharing my information by word of mouth, or in this case, by word-of-eyes.

My life isn’t meant to be an advertisement, and neither is yours. Besides, the best kind of revenge against people who have wronged you is to unashamedly own and love yourself and your story—and you need to discover who you really are to do that.

I’ve been blessed to be able to aid a few people in their personal struggles. I’m by no means some kind of mentor, but simply a fellow ally in our fight together, extending whatever resources and support I am able to offer to those who ask for it (and occasionally to those who don’t!). This realization of my ability to contribute to other peoples self-discovery and growth, simply by sharing my own, has made me realize that sharing might be the single most important thing I can do. Honesty is powerful and openness is not weakness, but a way to build strength. I believe in a world where we should not censor our suffering for the convenience of those around us, nor should we withhold immaterial or literal nourishment from those in need if we can spare it.

I found my truths out thanks to "the community" being honest, open and vulnerable-- and I feel endlessly inclined to do my part in paying it forward.

So that’s that! That’s the history of my oversharing on the internet, which I find fully necessary to explain myself and the subjects I cover because of my own unique brain. If you're anything like me, in just about any way, feel free to reach out as I love connecting with people and learning about the diverse range of experiences people with my conditions have.

#lyreleafblog

0 notes

madsdefencesquad · 3 years ago

Text

another kevison fanfic none of you asked for (also on ao3):

[Thread] Who's the nicest celeb you've met in real life?

Kevin Pearson. Was an extra for one of his movies and couldn’t be any nicer. Chatted with us even though technically you weren’t supposed to. He joked around a lot and showed us pics of his family. Real top bloke.

I met this guy once on vacation in Italy. We were at a table next to him and my newborn was screaming bloody murder, mom was in the bathroom. Couldn’t quite calm my son and I was getting real embarrassed with the loud noise. Some of the waiters came over to their table to ask if they wanted to move but Kevin shut them down immediately. Actually got a bit cross that they even suggested it. His wife suggested to rock my baby on the side to make him stop and he did! She knows a few tricks having twins and stuff. Also shared that joy/misery thing of being first time parents. Anyway, they left first (they got there earlier) and we learned after that they paid for our meals too. Couldn’t believe it.

replied: Wow. That’s the so fucking nice of them.

replied: Yeah made my wife cry haha

I’ve heard only good things about him too! My mom lives in Philly and his brother was running for city council a few years back and he was there and took photos with all the Korean mamas including my own and my grandma! apparently he smells really expensive :P

Didn’t know that I was fully chatting up his wife at Starbucks until I saw a pic of them at the premiere for one of his movies. I’d be embarrassed by my god she was fantastic! 10/10 would’ve gone for it if I wasnt such a potato

replied: And wasn’t married.

replied: That too

My daughter was an extra on one of his movies and says he’s the nicest guy and “such a dad” lol! And her dad’s a real “dad” dad so for her to say that about a famous actor is funny

I used to teach his kids in my kindergarten class. Daughter’s wicked smart. I can tell you all the mothers would have a fit every time he’d come by to pick them up and if it’s not his wife or them together, it’s him. Very hands on. I’d say that counts for nice.

Rocked out to a Lady Gaga show with him and his wife in Vegas. His wife and I are practically best friends now! We’re on first name basis ;)

replied: Sounds fun! What were they there for if you don’t mind me asking? Coz isn’t he like sober now?

replied to a reply: I think it was for a niece’s birthday or something? Couldn’t remember, was pretty wild night :P And I didn’t see any drinks.Even his wife wasn’t drinking I think? They were literally there to enjoy Gaga like the rest of us

I love hearing stories about him like this because it always looks like he’s such a pretentious pretty boy jerk especially back in the day

replied: Getting your life sorted can change a man

replied to a reply: Yeah he’s pretty mellowed out since getting sober. He’s had that DUI and rehab stint but now he’s a real family man and seems to love his wife very much. Good for him.

Doesn’t he remind you of George Clooney? Got married late and had boy girl twins and is loving life!

replied: True!!

Not sure if everybody knows but his wife Madison is pretty big in the interior design space especially coz she like pretty much runs their fam construction business. I follow her on Insta and I know everyone has a crush on Kevin but I’d pick her over him any day!

replied: OMG YES SAME! She puts together these amazing DIY palettes and I’m obsessed! I’d also pick her over him any day even just to pick her brain

replied to a reply: She also recommends the best books!!!

My mom’s in the planning side of construction and met his wife in West Chester. She did a presentation and afterwards her and my mom shared parenting tips like they’re in some mom club. Apparently she was the sweetest and her babies are adorable and also Kevin calls a lot lol

Met him at the airport, wife’s a huge fan of the manny so sucked my gut to ask for a pic. When he found out it’s for the missus, he recorded a special vid saying his iconic line. Missus was over the moon. Real good fella

replied: MANNY SAY WHAAATTTTT

replied: That’s so nice

replied: He did for my mom as well! All the moms love him!

Kevin Pearson helped re-build my grandparents’ burned down convenience store. Couldn’t thank him enough even if I tried

replied: Wow, that’s real generous. How are the grandparents?

replied to a reply: Thanks! They’re over the moon. They have a house near the area but gran said he’d come by with his kids from time to time. Even if gran didn’t want to, they always insisted to pay for whatever the kids wanted.

Delivered the cake for his uncle (grandpa’s?) wedding and he gave a seriously generous tip. Oh and his wife packed me pigs in the blanket.

replied: Pigs in the blanket?! What in the middle school

replied: Apparently it was the uncle/grandad’s favorite or something and they double ordered. But who cares free food!

replied to a reply: Did it come with ketchup?

replied to a reply: Hot, wrapped in foil and handful of ketchup packets. I felt like one of the kids

Not him but his brother who’s like a big shot in politics right now. Real top guy and had the best laugh

This doesn’t sound real but I’ve bumped into him literally five times over the past year he’ll probably think I’m some stalker. Rarely saw him without his family and once his kid threw a ball at me. He apologised but c’mon you either throw a ball or bounce it no big deal. Besides, that kid has David Beckham’s kids manners. Real like English folk polite it’s insane

replied: That’s always nice to hear that celebrity kids aren’t spoiled brats. We know a few good of them are

replied to a reply: Celebrity kids are different from kid celebrities though

replied to a reply: Didn’t say they were the same? Just saying that for a kid of someone so rich and famous you’d think they’d be a bit more spoiled but they weren’t at all and was beyond respectful and that’s a testament to the parents.

replied to a reply: Agree. I’ve met this particular celebrity’s kids and mind you they’re teens now but god they were just awful and pretentious. Even more than their famous parent which is saying something

Not him but I did meet that actress that was so embarrassingly flirty around him during the press conference of hat film he did a few years back. She’s a real bitch and so fake and I’m so glad she’s been dropped from the sequel

replied: Oh god yeah I remember her. She was so obnoxious laughing at everything he said like stfu it’s not that funny!!!! The secondhand embarrassment watching her and him being all polite about it *chills*

replied: She’s the worst. No talent

replied to a reply: I was an extra for some scenes in that movie and she was WAY worse and such a diva for someone unknown. Kevin’s a real nice guy though and just let her be. He talks about his wife and kids a lot but she would not take a hint!

replied to a reply: That is just embarrassing

Alright story time. Was working as a barista at a cafe and it was one of those really shitty days. He came in, ordered and waited and was all nice and took some pics with fans. Anyway, like I said shitty day so I mixed up his coffee order and got him two lattes instead of cappuccinos. Mind you, it was a busy asf day as well and I was the only one making coffees. He comes over and tells me and I apologise but by this time my manager’s already all up on my ass for serving Kevin Pearson incorrectly. He kept apologising to him and berating me till Kevin himself stepped in and told the manager off. But like calmly and stuff like it’s no big deal and people make mistakes whatever and I kid you fucking not he apologised to me too and said I was doing a good job. He probably won’t know how much that meant to me after an already shitty as day but it did. I made sure to make him the best fucking cappuccinos

replied: I’ve met him in irl too and he is this!

I saw him sitting at a cafe with his daughter. Super nice. Asked him if I could get an autograph for my mom who’s a huge fan. He asked me some questions about her and wrote a really nice autograph, for her. His daughter stuck one of her stickers on there too and my mom loved that even more. I told him where she works (at a grocers) and he went out of his way to shop there the next day and made a point to look for her and chat. Great, great dude

replied: That is so fucking cool man. And your mom must’ve been so happy!

replied to a reply: She was over the moon! She loves his wife too! Apparently she was even chattier than Kevin haha

Met him at the airport. I was an employee and he had some TSA questions. Genuinely nice and friendly, chatted for about 15min. After he was set, we shook hands, he had his kids say thank you individually with a high five. Adorable. His wife was super nice and friendly too. Very good social interaction, would participate again

#i got boooooooored again #so here's something none of you asked forrrrr #this was fun though haha #kevison #kevin and madison #kadison #kevison fanfics #kevison fanfic #tiu #Kevin's all the happily married celeb dads out there gushing about their wife and kids #and he's just so happy and content and full #like good for u gurl #this is probably not the last one lezbereal #I can already imagine them during award shows and what the people working have observed lol #anywhooo #for kevison nation #my fave nation #had to get this out there before I lose it!#I'll answer the asks after I promise illyyyy

16 notes · View notes

paperclipninja · 5 years ago

Text

Younger post-ep ramble 6x10

Ok, so this week’s episode, ‘It’s All About The Money, Honey’ delivered two of my season 6 wish list items: Kelsey and Charles working together as a supportive team and really getting to see their dynamic and relationship (I sometimes forget that they have a whole history BL - Before Liza) and Liza and Charles getting drunk and handsy at a bar. I’m not even kidding, when I wrote my season 6 wish list I word for word wrote that. So thank you for those Alison Brown, I am simple folk and I am happy. I would also like to show my appreciation for a number of throwbacks that were nice little nuggets from previous seasons.

I don’t know whether it was deliberate or not, but this ep seemed to really play very obvious set ups, where you could see what was coming and kind of hoped it’d play out differently because eek! but then nope. I have no idea if this approach has a name in screenwriting, it was sort of like set-up slapstick, for absolute lack of any better description (I’m sure ‘eek!’ is a technical term somewhere…). I am writing much of this on a plane on my way to holiday time (yay), which may mean nothing or something but I think my point is that I may miss a few bits and pieces here and there. There’s much to discuss so let’s do this!

After their declarations of love last week, this episode opens with Zane, a towel, his abs and Kelsey chatting about her trip to Chicago to ‘beg for money’, which nicely sets up a few themes for the ep. The issue of not being taken seriously as a woman in business is quickly flagged, along with the appropriate foreshadowing of future faux pas with Zane’s reassurance that Kelsey will get their attention being the only woman in the room (as he very unsubtly opens her shirt while staring at her chest) and Kelsey’s quip that ‘I guess I have more assets than you’ (boobs, she means her boobs ICYMI).

Liza and Charles are also saying their farewells, with Charles continuing to be supportive boyfriend no. 1 as he tells Liza to stop feeling guilty before reassuring her that everything is going to be fine, which we all know means it absolutely will not be. I’d like to officially welcome back the ‘miss you’ texts because a) they’re adorable and b) I do love a good text distraction as a giant poster of a woman and her ex goes past on the side of a bus just when that woman is floating along blissfully thinking of her current bf. As she passes another poster, it’s only a matter of time until Liza comes face to face with, well, her face. On the side of a building. Eek! indeed.

Naturally Liza’s first instinct is to call Kelsey, who is at the airport with Charles, to ask her to stop him from seeing the ad until she has the chance to speak to him. I feel like a phone call to Charles instead in that moment would’ve sorted it all pretty quickly, but then we would’ve missed out on his smile at the pic of Liza that comes up on Kelsey’s phone and the funniest moment of the episode, Kelsey’s sudden onset escalator phobia (‘I don’t like them, they’re weird’ LOL). The absolute highlight of this episode for me was seeing Kelsey and Charles working together. From the moment she’s filling him in on the investors they’re meeting with because she’s done her research to Charles saying that she can do the job without investors sticking their noses in (Bryce reference noted, what a dud) to Kelsey redirecting him to the elevator and him confused but obliging without question, their dynamic from the get go was fab and a lovely build on last week’s ep.

Meanwhile, luckily for Liza Lauren is at work, which is really lucky for all of us because Lauren now only referring to Diana as Diva and Diana clearly very ok with it is all I’ve ever wanted and my mind is filling in all the blanks about what the two of them would have been sitting there talking about while waiting to see if the people they sent to catch their food return (this line = yes Diva). I loved Lauren’s 'here?’ when Liza asks if she can talk to her (then 'so here, ok’ as she sits down lol) because it certainly feels as though Lauren is trying to keep the moment about Diana and the excitement of getting the appointment at Kleinfeld and is reluctant to let Liza make it all about her (which she of course does and Diana calls her out on it and I am here for it every day of the week).

Liza’s obsessive focus on the ad campaign and the need to speak to Charles about it really consumes her for the entire episode and blinds her to the needs of any other characters in way that seems uncharacteristic, but is also quite on brand considering some of the self-absorbed moments we’ve seen from her throughout the series. I guess it just seems uncharacteristic for season 6 Liza (or at least my understanding and construction of this character at this point), with a lie no longer in play and able to live her life honestly, as she’s been hoping to do since season one. I’m unsure whether this fixation and her consequent behaviour was meant to be funny or highlight the point that clearly there is more to the poster than it just being about clothes (we get it, there are FEELINGS), but I have to say that I really struggled with it considering Liza’s journey to where she is now and also this show’s usual tendency to be more nuanced.

Despite Liza’s persistence with Lauren re: Infinitely 21 at Kleinfeld (my concern that Lauren was harbouring some ill feeling towards Liza following the lie reveal was quashed when she revealed that she’d phoned Shelly to say Liza was uncomfortable with the ad. I mean, ‘I left a voicemail for you!’ is as ‘I’ve got your back’ as it comes), we were given a delightful moment between Diana and Liza as they reminisced about their first weddings and it’s conversations like this that I would like to see many more of. These two talking as women who have shared life experience is everything. It is then revealed that Infinitely 21’s campaign is going national which leads Liza to bail on the bride to frantically make a dash to Chicago, but my main takeaway from this scene is that Diana is going to have the wedding celebration she damn well deserves and quite frankly, this Trout/DeLuca “event of the year” cannot come fast enough.

Turns out Liza is not the only one getting on a big jet plane, as Claire fills Josh in on the amazing promotion to Senior Project Manager she’s been offered at Google, which will set Gemma up nicely. The only catch is, it’s in LA. Josh is understandably upset and as Claire assures him they’ll figure it out, he also spots the Infinitely 21 poster for the first time, because the only thing better than finding out your daughter might be moving across the country is being plastered all over the city in a pic with your ex who you’re still in love with. One of my favourite friendships on this show is that between Maggie and Josh, so I enjoyed seeing him go to Maggie to talk over the revelations of the morning (what a morning!). You’ve gotta love Maggie’s, ‘it’s not a sign’ to snap Josh out of the wallowing (and Josh’s ‘it’s literally a sign’, ha), her encouraging him to fight for Gemma and use the Infinitely 21 success to his advantage was a solid suggestion (though I am a little disappointed that Maggie didn’t ask if he’d consider moving to LA as one possible option to keep Gemma in his life or at least throw it out there on one of her famous Maggie ‘these are your options’ lists).

Josh meets with Shelly, who makes zero attempt to hide her thirst and it’s pretty darn hilarious and I actually love this entire interaction. Josh’s idea of franchising Inkburg, mentioned at the retreat in episode 6, remerges in the form of a collaboration with Infinitely 21 (Retail-tainment). Inkburg Midtown would offer a set of flash pieces exclusive to Infinitely 21, it is all very well pitched and I like seeing Josh in business mode because he’s clearly pretty decent at it after all these years, but not as much as Shelly likes it and him and everything which leads to her basically groping him in store (‘I’m a hugger’, yeah sure Shel). I have to believe that Josh’s move to establish the partnership with Infinitely 21 is so that he has clout to replicate the idea in LA and establish a national presence if he wants, rather than to try and keep Claire in New York by saying he can support her financially (unless we discover that is what Claire actually wants). Josh has been written as way too woke to do something to sabotage the career of the mother of his child, especially considering his experience with Liza and knowing what she went through. I, for one, will watch this space.

Another space I have watched closely is Kelsey’s, especially as she’s grappled with the role of publisher and really found her feet in the last couple of episodes. Her brilliant boss mode continued this week and seeing Kelsey so nervous before the pitch meeting, but still keeping her level head even after discovering Jacobs was the only shot at keeping the company alive, demonstrated again how much she has grown. From the moment Jeffrey and Ennis greet Kelsey and Charles, and by greet I mean look straight through Kelsey at Charles, you just know that this is going to be a tough gig for Kels. The men very obviously talk only to Charles, patronise Kelsey asking 'do you even know what those [precious metals] are?’, ugh it’s all so gross but also a bit too real and familiar. I love that Charles makes a point of saying 'we’ and emphasising that they are a team and it is obvious he is not comfortable that even when Kelsey is speaking they still look at and talk to him. Seeing Kelsey interject confidently and intelligently (although when she tells that room of suits to follow her on Insta it was a definite Eek! moment) was so satisfying, she read the room, commanded it pay attention and it did. Charles is proud and impressed and lets her hold the floor (as he should but it was great to see) and I could legit watch a whole series with these two as kick-ass business partners.

Just when I thought my new fave dynamic duo couldn’t have any more golden moments, Kelsey and Charles getting celebratory drinks happened. After last season saw a lot of tension between these two characters, seeing this relationship shift to one of mentor/mentee that is truly symbiotic (I have no doubt that Charles is learning as much from Kelsey as she is from him), where Kelsey still needs reassurance about how the business world works and Charles expresses his eternal gratitude for her amazing work…seriously, did I mention how much I love this? It is an actual dream.

Of course it is just after a commemorative glass clinking moment that Liza arrives, much to the elation of Charles (‘this day just keeps getting better and better’, ugh) and wariness of Kelsey, who immediately questions Liza’s real reason for being there. Upon hearing that the Infinitely 21 campaign (yes, we’re still talking about that) has gone national so Liza came to speak to Charles, Kelsey looks at her with the same ‘you have lost the plot’ look I had on my face, before telling her, ‘not now…we are celebrating’. Liza agrees as smitten, happy Charles looks over but this high school drama-esque carry on is really a bit much at this point. All I can say is thank goodness for the scene that followed, because it very quickly made me forget that I was getting annoyed.

First we get the revelation that Liza made out with Chrissie Hart on Shelter Island, which was also the last time we saw Charles and Liza drunk together but they were also not actually together, so it was very much that moment that sparked my need to see them out and drinking again some time. So yes, sharing great stories as they all sit around, check, they are all so carefree and jovial and then Charles and Liza just start making out in front of third wheel Kelsey and I cannot and this is 100% the quality content that my trashbag heart lives for. But it is Liza and Charles bidding Kelsey goodnight when she says she’s heading back to her room, and Charles saying, ‘bye’ before turning to Liza with a soft, ‘hi’ that completely undoes me. Seriously, project this entire scene on loop on my tombstone for I. am. deceased.

Drunk Kelsey back in her room responding to Zane’s message with a boob shot = I am DYING again but for different reasons. Kelsey Lorraine indeed, Lauren seeing it on Insta stories is every kind of second hand mortification and poor Kelsey waking up and realising what she’s done is yikes (but lbh it’s also a little bit hilarious, special thanks to the messages left on her story: A tale of two titties, Nippy longstockings and my personal fave, Did you mean to post this? It’s Liz from the gym). Kelsey’s waking nightmare is contrasted by Liza waking up to her fantasy of her, Charles, coffee and paper (you and me both sista), but my fantasy is quickly shattered when Liza spots that pesky ad on the back of the newspaper and grabs it from Charles in a totally normal way, which he interprets to be playful and suggestive, until he realises it is not.

Liza’s reveal makes it pretty obvious that she’s feeling guilty but that is quickly interrupted by the frantic knocking of Kelsey, the bearer of more bad news. Liza greeting her with ‘he’s seen it’, countered by Kelsey’s horrified, ‘Charles saw my boobs?’ before Liza corrects her with, ‘no, the Infinitely 21 ad’ is just so mind boggling, I mean, what person in their right mind opens the door to their best friend’s incessant knocking and thinks ‘they must be beside themselves to find out if I told Charles yet?’ I get it, it’s consuming Liza because it’s dredging up feelings so that the triangle can be revived after lying dormant (presumed dead) the past two seasons, but Charles having to hear about Kelsey’s mistake (though Liza’s ‘you look good’ is v. funny), as well as process that Liza didn’t come to Chicago to surprise him and Kelsey at all just makes me pretty sad.

Kelsey continues to be impressive as she owns her screw up and humbly explains herself to the room full of gross men. I do love how they’ve been cast, so much brown fabric. Charles’, 'it’s just too much of a good thing…I mean Kelsey’s internet presence’, is awks af but he’s really trying to throw his support behind her. Ennis Jacobs asking Kelsey if she’s considered distancing herself from the Millennial brand (dude, she IS the Millennial brand) and saying they are still interested in investing if Charles is publisher made me want to scream for her, Charles’ assertion that 'she is a woman who has made nothing but smart decisions since she’s been in a position to make decisions’ met with the biggest decision Kelsey has made yet; stepping down as publisher.

I do see it, the juxtaposition of how a man embroiled in a scandal (publisher having an affair with a 28 year old assistant) is treated vs. a woman whose potentially scandalous error was accidental, that the ultimate ramifications for him are minimal because look, he’s now back where he was not that long ago (though I also see the mirroring of Charles having to step down due to the scandal and now Kelsey having to do the same…so maybe they’re just the ultimate tag team?). I am going to wait to see how the rest of this season plays out (on all fronts), but if at seasons end, Charles is publisher again, and it’s all basically as it once was, then what was the point of any of this beyond making that statement? I mean, there are a number of ways it could go, so I am interested to see what this means. I am just really heartbroken for Kelsey because in that moment, she put the need of the company ahead of her own ambition and I am also heartbroken because she really had FINALLY come into her own as publisher and I was excited to see what she would do next.

After the horrendous meeting, Liza is waiting for Charles to finish the conversation about the ad and Charles suggests that she fly back to NY with Kelsey, because ‘she needs you now’ (seriously, if Charles is in your corner he is IN your corner). I love that Charles knows what Liza flying to Chicago really means and calls her out on it, that he is not bothered by her past or relationship with Josh, it’s the fact she felt she had to get on a plane that makes him wonder if there is something to be worried about. Call me boring but I have always appreciated that these two have actual proper adult conversations and don’t avoid issues and this was no exception.

Charles puts it to Liza that ‘everyone has a past, but in order to have a future, you move on from it’, to which she responds that ‘other people live in the past in order to have a future’. Yes, Liza had to live a younger life in order to build a new future for herself but now that she has re-established her career and her real age is no longer a secret, is that what she wants to keep doing? I do believe Liza realises she isn’t being fair to Charles but I think we all know that even if her pledge not to see Josh anymore was genuine at the time, it is not going to be upheld and was probably a bit of an over-promise. But I do appreciate that Liza really is choosing Charles in that moment.

It’s the escalator ride (which is weirdly relatable for some reason) once Kelsey and Liza are back in New York, but neither want to go home, that shows that even if Liza does want to move forward, she is still stuck between these two worlds. I have to say, Kelsey losing her job and being publicly humiliated somehow being on par with a 42 year old woman feeling sad that she can’t be friends with an ex because she’s confused about her feelings is ridiculous and I personally feel like the final moments of this ep should have been focused squarely on Kelsey. I do agree with Liza that Kelsey will get it back though, that was the correct response.

The painfully longing glances at the giant poster of her and Josh can be taken as a letting go of the past and moving forward (time will tell) but it also undoubtedly indicates that Liza’s days of once again oscillating between these two men are very much on the horizon which is, to be frank, really disappointing at this point in a series. My biggest issue is the fact that we keep being told that this show is not about the triangle, it’s about the women and the friendships yet it’s constantly being made about the triangle. In always pulling the focus to the triangle this show is making it about the men, which is the very thing it so brilliantly admonishes society for doing.

While I am absolutely reserving all judgement until I see how the rest of this season unfolds, I have to believe that if the triangle does make a comeback, it is being dredged up again to bring it to a head once and for all, so that we can all move on and focus on the many far more compelling aspects that make up this wonderful show.

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #review #younger season 6 #6x01 #liza miller #kelsey peters #charles brooks #diana trout #liza x charles #team charles

7 notes · View notes

millerflintstone · 6 years ago

Photo

Some early Diva pictures from our MI days, so 1999-2005 for these. The ribbon pic is maybe the 3rd picture I took of her The squirrel pics happened on a Saturday when Unfriendly was working a help desk shift. She woke me up all in a frenzy and led me to the balcony door. The squirrel was fearless. She kept meowing for me to let her out. I let her attempt to sniff it She was obsessed with the toilet when she moved herself in. I think I took that the first or second night of her in our 1st apartment. She would ask us to flush the toilet so she could try to catch the spinning water Our 3rd place was in a townhouse rental complex. It had a basement with washer /dryer hookups, so we got our own. This was Diva’s in depth assessment of the washer 😹 Just sleeping and adorable The 3rd place also had a small, fenced in yard. She decided to hang out at my neighbor’s place while I was attempting gardening. It also had nice grounds. I’d take her out for wandering, meandering walks

#she's between 1 and 6 here #just watching her sleep #she's dreaming #we moved to ga in mid 2006

69 notes · View notes

2centsnobodyasked4 · 6 years ago

Text

My top 10 Female Pop Idols

I feel like my blog is usually about Korean related stuff...but i’m into other stuff too XD

I LOVE all kinds of pop music...its my ultimate favorite genre which is probably why I love kpop. And I appreciate female voices the most because when I sing along I like pretending I’m them lol I have a long ass list of female artists that i like, but these are my ultimate top 10 <3

10. Paulina Rubio

I’m Mexican, and I initially grew up listening to spanish music and Paulina Rubio was definitely THAT bitch! Her concert was the very first concert I ever went to and I knew almost every single song she performed. It was awesome! When I was in Highschool (here in the USA) I took Spanish 3 AP and we had to perform a song in spanish and of course I chose a Paulina Rubio song. <3

9. Selena

Not only am I Mexican, but I’m Mexican-American. I grew up in the border and naturally she was the Queen of this region. When i was in fourth grade the Selena movie came out and our whole school had a screening for it. I dont think there’s one person here in the border that does not know the lyrics to at least on Selena song. I think she’s the first artist who’s songs I was obsessed with. My first idol.

8. Beyonce

I would be crazy if I didn’t idolize Beyonce. She’s the DIVA of divas. She’s QUEEN B! I grew up listening to Destiny’s Child. First song I heard was Independent Women when I was probably like 11 years old. That woman keeps getting better and better as the years go by, there’s no denying the boss bitch of my generation.

7. Katy Perry

Lol okay, I’m surprising myself that I have her so high up on my list. Especially because in other social media I’ve had negative things to say about her in the past. I dont know what it is about her personality, but I’m not into her....however, she puts out a song and its always fucking fire and addicting. The song that I’ll never stop singing is E.T.

6. Taylor Swift

Here’s another girl that I didnt always like.lol In the beginning of her career I thought she was sooo annoying and I hated watching her interviews...but i dont know what happened that all of a sudden i really started liking her. Then she came back like a badass bitch and I was sooo here for it.

5. Rihanna

Riri!!!! Feels like just yesterday that I first heard Pon de replay.lol I really thought she was gonna be a one hit wonder, and boy did she prove me wrong. She has achieved so much and like Beyonce, she’s keeps getting better and better as years go by.

4. Christina Aguilera

Xtina! I had an internal dilemma on whether to place her on 4 or 3...because she was a very important part of my childhood....I still don’t know where to place her but I do know that she’s iconic! She is the VOICE of my generation. There’s no other voice like hers that I look up to so much. I feel like she was always pushed aside as second best or pinned against many other singers....but she is still an icon. And btw, Bionic album is a BOP!

3. Shakira

Here’s another star who I saw in concert! I HAD to see her! I’ve loved her music for yearsssss and I admire all the different genres that she was dipped into. Her spanish songs from her earlier years are truly iconic...then she crossed over to english and slayed! She’s now doing reggaeton and still looks so fierce! She’s truly talented.

2. Lady Gaga

Lady gaga is a QUEEN!!! I have no words. I’m proud to say that I attended the Monster Ball back in 2010! One of the best concerts I have ever been to. I haven’t been the biggest fan of her latest music...but she still holds a special place in my heart. I have yet to see A Star is Born as well. I’ve just been so busy and so caught up in kpop that I haven’t remained a loyal little monster as i once was.---and yes ARTPOP is also a bop!

1. Britney Spears

Lady Gaga is my Queen but the Legendary Miss Britney Spears is my Goddess! She was the one artist that I idolized since I was 11 years old! Baby one more time was the first album I ever bought...and damn was I proud of it! I was so fucking obsessed when she would have television appearances and when she was on magazines I would cut up the pics and had a big ass collage lol I was there through her ups and downs and comeback after comeback. Obviously like with Lady gaga, I dont keep up with her as much anymore...but she will always be my number one IDOL.

#ranking #top female pop idols #britney spears #lady gaga #shakira #christina aguilera #paulina rubio #selena quintanilla #selena #beyonce #katy perry #taylor swift #rihanna

9 notes · View notes

jumperlink2-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Your Complete Guide to the Most Stylish It-Girls of All Time

Plenty of celebs are well-dressed—but it takes something truly special to elevate a person to “style icon” status.

The women who reach that rarefied realm do so in many ways. They might define an entire genre of style, like Brigitte Bardot did with her effortless, French-girl chic. They could be masters of using style to communicate emotional states, like Princess Diana did in her famous post-breakup “revenge dress.” They could embrace a totally unique vision, like Solange Knowles in her ethereal, avant-garde designs. Or, like Tommy Hilfiger ambassador Gigi Hadid, they might simply exude youthful joie de vivre in a way that captures everyone’s imagination—and inspires legions of imitators.

Whatever the special alchemy is that makes a stylish woman an It-girl, the 16 women ahead definitely have it. Read on for the legends who defined—or are re-defining—style as we know it.

Gigi Hadid

More than any of the other young models and influencers known as the “Insta Girls,” we’ve loved watching Gigi Hadid’s evolution into style icon. Hadid has a way of mixing streetwear, sexy basics, and high fashion, and she can definitely turn it all the way up to high glam for a night out (as she did here in a metallic mini dress).

But Hadid is the opposite of the haughty fashionista—she has a sunny spirit that imparts every look with a breezy, care-free elan. Like Christie Brinkley or Lauren Hutton before her, Gigi is a very American sort of fashion icon.

Photo: Raymond Hall/GC Images/Getty

Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell

Why yes, we are cheating by including these two legends in one pic. But Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss were simply the alpha and omega of ‘90s supermodels, badass Brits, and style icons. Fashion-wise, they were worlds apart—Naomi favored body-conscious, high-glam creations from designers like Azzedine Alaia while Kate favored a quirky mix of thrifted finds with avant-garde designer pieces.

But they were both supernova-hot, impossibly chic, and had an irresistible It-factor that made them the ones everyone wanted to swill champagne and kick it with them. Name a more iconic fashion duo—we’ll wait.

Photo: Dave Benett/Getty Images

Francoise Hardy

A singer-songwriter who emerged from France’s early-'60s “ye-ye” scene, Francoise Hardy was the sensitive girl with a guitar and a killer sense of style. With her wardrobe of slim-cut trousers, wide leather belts, Chelsea boots, and teeny miniskirts—and, of course, those iconic blunt bangs—she cut a figure of tomboy elegance that set the template for Daisy Lowe, Tennessee Thomas, Alexa Chung and so many It-girls since.

Photo: Andrew Maclear/Redferns/Getty Images

Chloe Sevigny

It’s a sad fact of fashion that an outfit that looks au courant right now will look a little tired in one year, and downright laughable in 10. But Chloe Sevigny has the miraculous ability to overcome this curse: Somehow, the looks she wore in 1998 and 2008 look just as amazing in 2018.

Maybe it’s because she never blindly follows the trends du jour, but instead works her own quirky, vintage-inspired style. Unlike many celebs who look “dressed” or “styled,” Sevigny looks like herself, and rarely like anyone else. She's the quintessential New York cool girl.

Photo: Gustavo Caballero/WireImage for Dan Klores Communications/Getty Images

Rihanna

Rihanna is the embodiment of DGAF. When she wears an underground designer, it can literally put them on the map (hey, Adam Selman, creator of the instant-legend “naked dress”), and when she embraces a trend, she instantly inspires a thousand imitators overnight (hello, every Instagirl wearing teeny shades).

She’s always willing to experiment with outlandish silhouettes, and unapologetically loves and flaunts her body through all its fluctuations. She dresses for herself and no one else—a true inspiration.

Photo: George Pimentel/WireImage/Getty Images

Marisa Berenson

A granddaughter of legendary couturier Elsa Schiaparelli, a model who was a fixture in late-'60s Vogue, and a muse to everyone from Halston to Yves Saint Laurent—fashion credentials do not get much more purebred than this, people.

But Marisa Berenson was so much more than just a pretty face: She was a fixture on the socialite scene, a patron of the arts, and a pioneer of the luxe-bohemian style that today finds expression in women from Mary-Kate Olsen to Rachel Zoe.

Photo: Gian Paolo Barbieri/Condé Nast via Getty Images

Solange Knowles

Anyone who still describes Solange Knowles as sister to a certain superstar is missing the point. Not only has Solo fully emerged as her own unique talent, with plaintive songs that explore love, loss, and Black identity, she’s done it all while pioneering a new kind of otherworldly style.

Ethereal layered gowns, metallic ruffled tops, dramatic jeweled headpieces—Solange effortlessly embraces avant-garde looks and serves up space princess like no other.

Photo: Mireya Acierto/Getty Images

Brigitte Bardot

Along with Marilyn Monroe, Brigitte is the woman who defined “blonde bombshell.” She also unwittingly created the blueprint for that whole French-girl chic that everyone’s still obsessed with (even if they don’t want to admit it).

Her striped, bateau-neck tees; slim-cut capri pants; ballet flats; cat-eye makeup; and what can only be described as “bedroom hair” single-handedly created the “pouty French beauty” archetype to which many women still aspire.

Photo: Sunset Boulevard/Corbis via Getty Images

Alexa Chung

After years of Hollywood starlets such as Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton dominating the gossip pages, Alexa Chung was such a breath of fresh air when she hit the scene around 2007. The gravelly-voiced Brit with a cheeky sense of humor and winsome, '60s-inspired style had plenty of wit to go with her beauty.

After Alexa, every indie girl worth her salt invested in a Peter Pan-collar dress, a pair of ballet flats, and learned to flick her eyeliner—a look Alexa borrowed from Francoise Hardy and brought into the 21st century.

Photo: Ricky Vigil M/GC Images/Getty Images

Diana Ross

It is impossible to overstate the importance of Diana Ross. She was many things: An iconic singer with the Supremes and solo, an Academy Award-nominated actress, a fashion and beauty icon, and one of the world’s first Black superstars—all feats she achieved in an era of widespread discrimination. And yes, she was also a diva whose style was always about capital-g Glamour, darling: sequins, feathers, gowns down to there, and hair to the sky.

Photo: Waring Abbott/Getty Images

Meghan Markle

So much recent ink has been spilled about the Duchess of Sussex, it almost seems like overkill. But Markle’s impact on the royal family and the world of style truly matters—she’s the first truly fashion-forward royal. While women like Princess Diana and Kate Middleton were undeniably graceful and always occasion-appropriate, Markle brings a sense of experimentation and youthful sophistication to her tea-length skirts and sheath dresses that sets her apart from any royal before.

Photo: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Bianca Jagger

This Nicaragua-born model and actress officially entered the realm of style icons when she married Mick Jagger in Saint Tropez in 1971, while wearing an impeccably cut white suit. Throughout the ‘70s, she emerged as the reigning queen of the Studio 54 scene, holding court with luminaries from the art worlds (Andy Warhol, Grace Jones) and bringing an unforgettably dramatic flair to her style—think giant flowers in her hair, red-sequin gowns with matching berets, and, oh yeah, that time she arrived to her birthday party in an off-shoulder dress riding a white horse.

Photo: Central Press/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Their fashion sense may be divisive—especially Mary-Kate, who tends to favor more eccentric looks than her twin—but in 2018, no one can deny that these women are fully-fledged style icons, both for their personal fashion and for the work they’ve done helming their luxury label The Row.

In fact, they don’t always get credit for embracing trends years before the rest of us catch on (Birkenstocks, circle sunnies, and Celine-esque oversized layers all spring to mind). But that probably doesn’t bother them—these are women who do their own thing, and let the rest of the world catch up.

Photo: Rabbani and Solimene Photography/Getty Images

Princess Diana

From the moment she announced her engagement to Prince Charles in 1981, Diana had an uncanny ability to connect with people and inspire fashion fervor. While some of her ‘80s formal looks veered into ruffly excess (it was kind of the style at the time), she always had a joyful approach to color and silhouette that thoroughly modernized the formerly-stuffy House of Windsor.

By the ‘90s she’d dropped her philandering husband and pared her style down to just the basics: sleek silhouettes, and sexy shorter hemlines that many interpreted as the ultimate revenge.

Photo: Jayne Fincher/Getty Images

Carolyn Bessette Kennedy

The fashion publicist entered the world stage fast when she began dating John Kennedy, Jr. in 1994. The pair were constantly followed by paparazzi, and Carolyn’s minimalist, luxe basics—sleeveless turtleneck sweaters, pencil skirts, kitten-heel pumps—was widely imitated by women everywhere, and defined chic in the mid-'90s.

A savvy, New York City blonde in the fashion industry with impeccable style, we see a lot of Carolyn in Carrie Bradshaw, and so many women since who come to the big city to pursue their fashion dreams (and maybe find love, too).

Photo: Lawrence Schwartzwald/Sygma via Getty Images

Source: http://stylecaster.com/most-stylish-it-girls/

5 notes · View notes

itsjesperfahey · 8 years ago

Text

modern soc au

inej:

loves to dance !!! esp ballet but she can dance to whatever tbfh, she’s that good

likes to wear caps, esp backwards. really loves bomber jackets too.

has a couple, small tattoos dedicated to her saints

is that one kid who loves to do parkour (both ironically and unironically) for instance is really good at it but sometimes just yells PARKOUR and steps over a rock

usually found eating lunch with her pals on the roof of the school

is amazing at hide and seek like holy fuck ????? hid for 2 hours once and wasn’t found, came back the next day and was like “y'all losers SUCK"

loves to study other people’s cultures, as well as history and is great as p.e (never has gotten a bad grade in the flexibility tests)

likes to read poem books

has a black cat as a pet named "saint"

pronounced meme as "mehmeh” the first time she read it

only has snapchat and instagram. is that kid who ALWAYS posts the sunset every day, esp from weird/high places and the comments are always “HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET UP THERE"

cried the most during fox and the hound

always braiding nina’s hair. Knows how to do all the super advanced onces as well

"I don’t know, CAN YOU?"

the best one at pushing people on the swings

AMAZING AT JUST DANCE WITH JESPER

"sorry I ran out of fucks to give try again later maybe?"

gives the nicest presents. always knows what a person wants for christmas/their birthday

the one who’s really into photography and is always taking aesthetic™ pics of Nina for her social media accounts

Prefers tea over coffee

wylan:

bullied for not being able to read (at least up until high school), so is super shy

loves drawing. the artistic™ one who takes anatomy to be able to draw people better

MASTER FLUTE MUSICIAN. On the school band. Jams hard af when he plays it

is in gem math and AP chem with kuwei.

loves sweet. addicted to blue jolly ranchers. his tongue is always blue

constantly pushing up his thick rimmed glasses (even if they ain’t on, which causes him to poke his eye)

looooves all the superhero shows on the CW

V neck sweaters. always

always has his trusty satchel

only has tumblr. has like 10k followers because of his artwork.

”‘illuminati’ ? is that a band?“

cat person even though he’s allergic to cat fur. absolutely adores inej’s cat. settles for owning a horned lizard named "shrek"

secretly a huge fan of memes

really gay for tom holland and ed sheeran (calls him "ginger Jesus”)

gamer with jesper. they always play overwatch together, wylans better tho. a genji and Ana main

cried the most during big hero six

wylan, with blank eyes: “I like my coffee how I like my men” // jesper: *spits out his drink*

matthias:

sports fan obv. On the schools hockey team bc his fav is hockey. is extremely competitive when he plays it. Is constantly checking but never gets penalties (aka slamming the other players against the walls)

played basketball against jesper and surprisingly lost. jesper won’t let it go

dog person. owns a pet pomsky (Pomeranian-husky) with nina who’s name is “bub"

“long hair don’t care”draws inspiration from Harry styles

really philosophical. takes all the philosophy/ethics classes available

kind of sounds like Thor (thick and deep accent)

a good™

"you’re all horrible trash”

“do we really have to be doing this now? I have to finish my homework"

loves baking. bakes everything for the love of his life

grey sweatshirts and adidas shoes

wears contacts Because he hates how glasses look on him. only wears them when he’s home

oblivious to all the women in love with him

"CAN YOU EVEN LIFT BRO? BECAUSE I SURE AS FRICK CAN” (doesn’t curse)

real 👍🏻🤘🏻👌🏻life🤰🏻👼🏻🌱student📚✂️✏️athelete🏃🏼🥇🏆🥅🏒

has Facebook and Twitter only

cried the most during bambi and dumbo

little spoon™

has a couple tattoos with very deep meanings

jesper:

dancer with inej. dances like those ppl who look like robots ??? the ones who look like they freeze parts of their body while the others move. AMAZING at it

loves jazz but also dubstep/edm and rap/r&b. Beyoncé is MOM/QUEEN.

sometimes djs parties

again, huge gamer with wylan. he’s a lucio and junkrat main for overwatch. loves like every video game ever

loves all the marvel movies, in love with black panther (was team cap)

dresses like a hipster but also sometimes a fuck boy (tank tops and shorts with a backwards cap style)

favorite subject is business and debate. great negotiator

cried the most during the lion king

A+ cosplayer (especially his lucio cosplay)

big supporter of human rights (LGBTA+, feminist, black lives matter, poc representation). Will LITERALLY get into fights over anyone who thinks otherwise. Fist fights, always supported by Kaz and Matthias. Got suspended for 3 days for breaking a kids nose who thought LGBTA+ people should **** ** ****)

that one kid who has 50 fidget spinners and can do cool tricks with them. also manages to sell all of them

skateboard pro™

always sends the blinking face meme, even if it’s out of context

all the social medias.

one tattoo only of a gun with a 'bang’ flag coming out of it

nina:

PROFESSIONAL👏🏻 MAKE 👏🏻 UP 👏🏻 ARTISTS 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 HAS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS ON HER INSTAGRAM AND THE SAME FOR HER YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Speaking of YouTube, she always does cute videos. Baking/cooking tutorial videos featuring Matthias, 'i do my boyfriends makeup’, 'my boyfriend does my makeup’, 'my boyfriend buys my makeup’, does make up tutorials obviously, challenges with her best friend inej like the 'whisper challenge’. everyone loves her and says her and Matthias are their otp

loves fashion design, takes that class.

loves horror movies/creepy things but also Disney

great at roller skating

always wins the best dressed awards ad school

also huge fan of ed sheeran. loves little mix more than 5h.

cried the most during 'up'

Can speak like 4 languages (English, french, Latin and spanish)

loves traveling and learning about new cultures too

dancer!inej’s biggest fan and hockey!matthias’ biggest fan

always breaks snapchat streaks

likes to (friendly) debate with jesper, especially over stupid things

amazing with kids. babysits all the time. calls “bub” (the dog) her and matthias’ baby

big spoon™

notes are so fucking pretty. buys the most expensive stationary and notebooks

also huge supporter of human rights. runs the feminist club. (Jesper is the Vice President) stresses loving yourself and your body, and makes sure to design comfortable yet GORGEOUS clothes for “"plus sized people”“

wins 'dynamic duo’ award with inej

always eating lollipops

has a few very small tatos of cute things like roses and crowns. has one quote written in cursive on her rib

kaz:

prefers black coffee as well

loves crime shows, whether they’re real or fake. for instance loves both 'Dateline’ and 'Criminal Minds’ also loves 'House’

favorite class is psychology, learning how a person thinks and acts and feels

has the dregs tattoo on his arm * edge lord 9000™ * such a drama queen and diva like damn

*deep sigh* "I think I’d rather go take a nap” *gets up and leaves*

also loves computer science. knows how to hack shit like a pro

always rough housing with jesper. broke a table once

does walk with a cane. likes to slap matthias’ ass with it

“bow down you fucking peasants"

only types in lower case with 0 emojis and no punctuation marks. CONSTANTLY leaves people on read

only has Twitter and snapchat. His posts on snapchat never have captions, yet somehow has a 200 day streak with Jesper and a 250 day streak with inej

loves watching horror movies with nina

*in a fight* "oh I’ll sHOW YOU SOME DIRTY HANDS” *swings*

gets second place for best dressed award

always sending memes with no context in their group chat, as well as vines

indie and alternative rock fan

“does it look like I care because I’m sorry if it does I didn’t mean to give you that impression"

head over heels for inej Ghafa like wow

likes to read a lot of mystery books and non fiction books

cried the most during finding dory

can solve a Rubik’s cube under a minute and won’t let you forget it

The one asshole who picks either Kirby or metaknight in super smash brothers brawl

hates seeing the notification bubble so he always has all chats muted and notifications turned off for apps

kiss ass to all the teachers to get them A’s

Kuwei:

SCIENCE NERD. ALWAYS singing the bill nye theme song. Loves ASAPScience on YouTube. Master at chemistry and biology

"hey did u know bill nye is, like, my dad"

nina treats him like a baby

loves everything to do with Star Wars while wylan loves star trek more. Fighting ensues.

has a pet Siamese cat name sparky

Used to have a huge crush on jesper and everyone knew it except jesper.

knows the intro to the bee movie ("according to all known laws of aviation-”)

jesper in the group chat: “gonna go shower be right back” // kuwei: “without me ;)?” // wylan: “KUWEI SWEAR TO FUCK” // kaz: “watch your fucking language wylan"

obsessed with Pokémon go even if it died out (chose team instinct)

"fight me on this"

has Twitter, snapchat and instagram

Always drinking ginger ale

master at bop it

the one kid who always forgets to pay you back for stuff

is also into the CW super hero shows, so him and wylan are constantly talking about it

loves cartoons and anime

speaks fluent fuckboy

God awful at comebacks

"let’s take a selfie guys !!!” // “kuwei no-” // *snapshot sound*

talks !!! Like !! This !!!! for,,, some reason ????????

huge nerd for other things too like lord of the rings and Harry Potter and game of thrones

cried the most during inside out

"do you think planes are scared of heights?“ // "for fucks same kuwei it’s 4am”

2K notes · View notes