#obi-wan: i am having MULTIPLE bad feelings about this

[dapurinthos]

i needed to take a break in researching ~politics~ ugh because i really don't have any idea what a *checks wookiee* 'unicameral federal democratic republic' is (the words separately, fine. together? um. working on that. i see 'democratic republic' and i'm going 'east germany????'). so it's back to figuring out the between scenes, like what happens to lead up to the scene of qui-gon confronting sifo-dyas with the holocron of prophecy and wanting a conversation about precognition.

[THE JEDI ARCHIVES] obi-wan: *researching the trade federation and taxes* ari: *researching the seating new planets vote of 7925 for its language on freedom of religion that might actually make being a sith NOT illegal* obi-wan: hello there ari: D: obi-wan: would you like some help— ari: *the tiniest, hoarsest* GENERAL KENOBI. obi-wan: —getting that book dow—what. ari: *runs for the circulation desk* obi-wan: WHAT. ari: help me madame nu ur my only hope. jocasta: of course you can hide under the circulation desk while sifo’s not here. obi-wan: did u see an alarmed youngling go by, master nu? jocasta: of course not. obi-wan: but i saw them duck behind the circulation desk. jocasta: *scoff* younglings aren't allowed behind the circulation desk, padawan kenobi. obi-wan: but? i can see a slipper poking out? jocasta: under is not behind. move along. obi-wan: but jocasta: i said MOVE ALONG troublemaker. jocasta: here, araithana, have this proof of the order’s latest archaeology journal issue. mark any typos and grammatical mistakes you find.

[himboskywalker]

Been mulling this over and I finally decided to be a shit stirrer today. I don't write bottom Obi-Wan for multiple reasons and I'm going to be meanly honest in a way I don't think I've ever been on here.

I just don't like it most the time, I think the predominant amount of fandom uwu mommy bottomWan takes are wildly out of character, sometimes outright ridiculous, and a lot of it gives me the ick. But for all of you guys who DO like it, I'm happy for you, I'm so glad you guys have lots of brilliant writers who do write what you prefer or enjoy, and I couldn't be happier to share this ship with you guys.

But here's my problem. I don't know what it is about this demographic of obikin fans and I know, believe me I know it's not all bottom Obi-Wan fans, but boy is there a vocal chunk that has put a bad taste in my mouth. No, I don't want to fucking write it, or certainly not in the way you want. No, I don't agree with you, and no I don't appreciate people who prefer bottom Obi-Wan whining in my inbox or in other authors' and artists' inboxes that awwww jeeee I really would enjoy your writing more if you'd just write it exactly how I want. There are PLENTY of brilliant obikin authors who are wonderfully talented and who I deeply respect who DO write what you guys like, so WHY in god's fucking name, is there a very loud chunk of bottomwan fans who are constantly making trouble for fellow fans in the same godamn ship who approach it or enjoy different aspects than them?

I'm sure there are obikins who prefer bottom Anakin who are just as bad and annoying and problem causing, but it certainly feels like the most vocal are in a different camp. Guys, it does not fucking matter. If you don't like that I write mostly if not entirely bottom Anakin, then go somewhere else and read someone who does write to your preferences. The more messages I get through the years of bottomWan stans whining to me about not writing what they like, the more sour I get on the matter.

The fact of the matter is, I might have been inclined several years ago to write Obikin with more variety of top/bottom. But then I had interactions like this, and I decided to NOT write it on pure, vindictive principal. And even though I might have been inclined lately to finally write outside of my comfort zone and branch out, shit like this makes an author say, you know what fuck you, you're not getting anything from me.

I am so sick to death of this stupid discourse in this ship, and I am sick to death of getting pushy, whiny comments from folks who just uwu can't like my stuff. Guess what man, I could not give less of a shit what you think about my writing or what you want from me.

[bunny7567]

I got you - chapter 11

Pairing: Rex x Jedi!ofc

Word count: 5.5k Tags/Warnings: mentions of masturbation; mentions of injury; we're slowly getting somewhere; very slowly; tipsy Rex; angst; this chapter is set right after ARC Troopers and before The Zillo Beast; the timeline is now my bitch; Kix is disappointed; am I sorry about the ending? not one bit, I love angst;

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vod - brother vode - brothers mesh'la - beautiful di'kut - idiot jetii - jedi

~~~

The battle of Kamino had finally ended and Lexie was outside on a balcony, leaning against the railing and staring at the endless ocean that surrounded Tipoca City. She was tired and the fresh burn left by Ventress’ lightsaber on her left arm was starting to really hurt. She should go find Kix and have it looked at but for some reason she felt like she couldn’t move.

The fight had been harrowing. While Obi-Wan was looking for Grievous and Anakin was occupied with Ventress, Lexie had stayed in the main hangar, trying to keep the main droid forces at bay. So many troopers had been killed around her and she could not shake that cold feeling of death. Frustration was rising inside of her, she had been able to tune it out lately, to focus on the missions, but during this battle it had almost frozen her in place on multiple instances. Sometimes she really hated her Force-sensitivity.

She didn’t know how long she had been standing there, just staring at the water, at the way it moved and crashed into the stilts supporting the domed structures of the city. It always calmed her down, the fluid movements, the sounds it made. Thunder rumbled in the distance, it appeared like a storm was approaching. She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of the waves for a while, before sensing a friendly presence behind her.

“Hi, Echo”, she said without turning to look, as she heard the door slide open and footsteps approaching.

 “Damn Jetii”, Echo said with a chuckle as he came and leaned against the railing next to her.

“Rude”, she said with a small laugh, softly hitting his arm with the back of her hand.

Echo turned his head to look at her and noticed the burn, his smile fading from his lips. “That looks bad. Kix is not gonna be happy if he finds you just sitting around with that kind of injury”.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I was on my way to the medbay, but I just wanted to look at the water for a little bit”, she said.

“Are you alright?”, he asked her, picking up on her gloomy mood.

Lexie considered the question. Was she alright? She’d had so much on her mind these past couple of weeks, so many conflicting emotions. Ever since Saleucami, al’Prani’s voice had forcefully returned to her mind, berating her for allowing herself to fall in love, and with the Captain of her battalion nonetheless. The dreams she’d been having about him, the fantasies she conjured when touching herself, it was beyond inappropriate. She felt like a disgrace to the Jedi Order.

And the battle today? She couldn’t even understand what they were really protecting. All the men that had died around her… and for what? For the Kaminoans to keep producing more of them, more sentient beings that would just go on to die as well, with no choice in the matter, no other possibilities, not actual future? But yet it wasn’t that simple and she knew it. What was the alternative, let the Separatists win?

“Lex?”, Echo brought her attention back to him. He looked at her with a concerned expression.

“A lot of men died today”, she managed to say.

She felt the energy shift around his Force signature as he took her words in. “Yeah… we lost some good soldiers”, he said quietly.

Lexie clenched her jaw at the word “soldiers”, indignation and sadness bubbling inside her mind, but did not say anything. They were soldiers after all, and they were proud of it. No point in starting an argument. She could barely make sense of her thoughts as it was, she doubted she could explain them without sounding like she was criticizing their entire existence.

“Where’s your twin?”, she decided to change the subject.

Echo let out a sound between a laugh and a snort. “Still don’t understand why you call us that”

“I don’t know, you just give me twins vibes. It’s the connection you two have. And you all call each other vode, you and Fives are just extra vode, so you know… twins?”, she tried to explain. Her brows furrowed as she reached the end of her sentence, it didn’t even make sense to her.

“Extra vode?”, Echo repeated with a laugh.

“I don’t know what I’m kriffin’ saying anymore. Don’t mind me I’m just tired”, she laughed. “So where is Fives?”

“We split up looking for you actually”.

“Everything okay?”, she asked, suddenly a little nervous.

“More than okay. We have some great news we wanted to share. But he made me promise to let him be the one to tell you. I did comm him when I saw you, he should be along soon”.

“Alright”, she chuckled, curious about this news of theirs. She absentmindedly leaned into him a little, forgetting about her injury, and winced at the contact with the plastoid of his armor.

“I could comm and tell him to meet us in the infirmary. You should really get that looked at”, he pointed at her burnt arm.

“I know, but I’d like to avoid the ‘you should’ve come straight to the medbay’ speech from Kix as long as possible”, she joked.

“That speech is gonna turn into a straight up scolding the longer you wait”, he warned with a chuckle.

Lexie rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fine, let’s go”.

“What was it like, growing up here?”, she asked as they walked down the pristine white corridors of Tipoca City.

“It was alright, I guess. Although we didn’t really do anything besides training and studying”. He paused for a few seconds, a rueful smile appearing on his lips. “I was… actually glad when we finally left”.

“Yeah?”, she prodded a little.

“Yeah… it was nice to have a change of scenery, to be on rock solid ground”, he chuckled. “To be honest, I kind of liked the barren landscape of the Rishi Moon. Probably was the only one who thought that”.

“Must’ve been pretty weird, spending the first what, 10 years of your life just staring at the ocean?”, she said.

“Well it didn’t seem weird then. We didn’t know anything else. But I do like the fact that we move around from world to world now. It’s nice to see all those different places”, he admitted.

“Oh, I bet Garronn was your favourite”, she teased.

“Yeah, especially the serpent”, he scoffed.

“So which is your favourite planet we’ve been on? Battles aside and everything”, Lexie asked after a silent moment.

Echo let out a hum as he considered her question. “I liked Erosh-4. The mountains were really beautiful. And the air really stuck out to me, it was so crisp”.

Her stomach turned a little at the mention of Erosh-4, but she tried to quickly move past it. “You’d really like Seccaya then. The entire planet is covered by mountains and the air is so clean and fresh everywhere, even in the Capital”.

“Seccaya, that’s your homeworld isn’t it?”, he asked.

“Yes”, she said a bit too curtly.

Echo took the hint and didn’t press any longer. They were almost at the door that lead to the medbay anyway.

Lexie briefly stopped a few steps from it. “What are the chances Kix isn’t in there and I could get some random medic I don’t know to patch me up?”, she asked jokingly.

“Very slim”, Echo chuckled. “You know he barely leaves the medbay for like a full rotation after a battle like this”.

She pressed the control panel outside the door and stepped into the large medbay, feeling her stomach twist at the sight that awaited her. The beds were full of troopers with various injuries while clone medics and med droids were running around between them. She always hated going into the medbay after a battle, seeing the aftermath, sensing the pain the men were in. She shivered trying her hardest to tune out the emotions she was picking up though the Force.

Lexie quickly scanned the room, eyes landing on Kix. He was near an examination table at the back of the medbay, giving instructions to a droid. He looked towards the door and as he saw her, an irritated expression appeared across his face. He knew she didn’t come into the medbay unless she was either injured or checking in on one of them, and thankfully, this time, no one from their little group was hurt during the battle. The irritation seemed to only grow as she got closer and his eyes landed on her injured arm.

“The battle ended three hours ago, Lexie, why the hell did you wait so long to come see me?”, he said, not even attempting to mask the anger in his tone.

Three hours? She had not realised she’d been on that balcony for so long.

“I lost track of time?”, she said with an innocent voice.

“You or'dinii”, he mumbled under his breath as he turned and motioned for her to follow him to an examination table.

“What did he call me?”, she asked Echo.

“A complete lunatic”, he answered with amusement.

“Fair”, she said as she followed the medic.

“There you two are”, Fives exclaimed as he walked into the medbay, quickly heading towards where Lexie was sat.

Kix had finished cleaning the wound, and had also finished his speech about her carelessness, and was now placing a bacta patch over it, while Echo was stood next to the examination table.

“You haven’t told her yet, have you?”, Fives asked Echo.

“No, I did say I’d let you”, Echo said.

“Lex we have some really great news. You’re sitting down, good”, Fives said turning to face her, making her roll her eyes and chuckle at his theatrics. “Echo and I have been promoted to ARC troopers”.

“Wait, really?”, Kix asked.

“Yes. Rex and Commander Cody told us after the battle finished”, Echo answered proudly.

“That is amazing, boys!”, Lexie said with a bright smile. “You deserve it”.

She quickly got up and hugged them. She really was happy for them, they were skilled soldiers and she was glad they were getting the recognition they deserved. She also knew how much Fives had wanted it, having mentioned his goal to her on more than one occasion.

Kix congratulated both men before leaving to deal with another injured trooper. The three of them walked out of the medbay, heading for the mess hall.

“We need to celebrate at the 79s the moment we land on Coruscant”, Lexie exclaimed.

“Absolutely!”, Fives agreed.

“After our training maybe”, Echo interjected.

“What do you mean?”, Lexie asked with a slight frown.

“We’re staying on Kamino for the ARC training. It’s gonna be six standard weeks before we rejoin you and the 501st”, he explained.

“Oh”. Lexie felt a bit stupid, she should’ve thought of that, of course they had to receive specialised training, it wasn’t just a change of rank.

“You gonna miss me mesh’la?”, Fives asked, swinging an arm across her shoulders.

“I’m gonna miss both of you”, she said after rolling her eyes at Fives. However, she didn’t push his arm away.

She really should put a stop to this. Fives was a lot bolder now, after that night at the 79s and the encouragement he’d received from her while they were dancing together. He started calling her mesh’la again, but never when Rex was within earshot, and he’d become friendlier in his touches, swinging his arm around her like he’d just done or sliding closer and pressing his leg into hers when they were sat at the table in the mess or on the couches in the clones’ break room.

It wasn’t appropriate but Lexie did enjoy it, as it had been too long since she’d had a hook-up, so it was nice to feel wanted. She wasn’t gonna let it go too far though, it was just a little fun, right?

Once in the mess hall, Lexie’s eyes quickly scanned the large room, looking for Rex. Disappointment filled her mind as she found him sat at a table between Cody and Jesse. She liked sitting next to him, it was something she looked forward to every time she had her meals with the men. But sitting opposite him wasn’t the worst she supposed, she could actually look at him properly that way, admire his kind eyes and handsome face.

Fives quickly removed his arm from around her shoulders and walked towards the table, sitting down opposite the Captain. Echo and Lexie joined him after getting some food for the three of them. Rex met her eyes immediately, giving her a kind smile, before his gaze lowered to the bacta patch on her arm.

“Are you alright?”, he asked with a concerned voice.

“Yeah, it’s just a scratch”, she waved his concerns off.

Hardcase soon joined them, dragging Kix after him, and the group fell into pleasant conversation that was carried late into the evening.

The cruiser did feel empty without Echo and Fives, Lexie had to admit it. She also had to admit how attached she had become to the clones, something that worried her, especially since she had started to really question the Code she was supposed to be following. Everything she’d been feeling lately only confused her.

The Jedi forbade attachments since they could lead to the Dark Side, but she couldn’t see it like that anymore. She had spent years trying her hardest to please her master, supressing her emotions, and detaching herself from the emotional connections she had to her family, only to be called a disappointment and be abandoned by him right at the start of a war. So why should she keep following his teachings?

Her friendships with the troopers gave her strength, and they had helped her push past insecurities, they had made her a good general. Her attachment to them could not be a bad thing. But none of the clones she called friends had died yet, what would happen if one of them did? Would that push her down a dark path? No. She could protect them; she will protect them.

And then there was Rex. Her attachment to him was stronger than anything she’d ever experienced before. She loved him, there was little doubt of that now, and that was a problem. Her desire for him was beginning to distract her. She could barely focus during briefings that he attended, her gaze always finding its way to him, trailing up and down his body, picturing the way he would make her his in her dreams. And if he met her eyes, Maker, she felt like she could just melt. But then shame would engulf her mind and it would feel so strong she could barely hear anything going on around her.

Rex was her friend, but that was all he was. He had not given her any indication that he cared about her in any other way than as a friend. And even if he did, they couldn’t be together. He was a clone trooper, he had a duty to the Republic. No, he was technically propriety of the Republic, they weren’t allowed to be romantically involved with anyone.

Her head was hurting as it jumped around all these conflicting thoughts, so she was glad to finally be back on Coruscant, even if it was for only one rotation. The battalion had been rerouted to a siege to the Mid Rim planet of Dore’e as soon as they departed from Kamino, a siege that was predicted to last two standard weeks, which then turned into almost five.

They wouldn’t even be back on Coruscant if they didn’t desperately need to resupply the cruiser, as the 501st was needed on Malastare. But their short supply run was definitely welcome. The men were pent up and could not wait to go to the 79s to blow off some steam.

 Lexie could also not wait to go to a bar somewhere, possibly find someone to hook-up with, take her mind off of everything for a while. It had been so long since she had sex, maybe what she was feeling for Rex wasn’t actually love and just a result of that, and she could dissipate the tension with a random one-night stand. Was certainly worth a try, she’d do anything to get him out of her mind.

“General Khalla”, Admiral Yularen’s voice stopped her before she could board the shuttle that would take her from the Resolute down to the surface.

“Yes, Admiral?”, she answered, really hoping this wasn’t about what she thought it was about.

“I was looking for your last four mission reports and I seem to be unable to locate them. Have they been filed properly?”, he asked sternly.

For kriff’s sake, I was so close. “Umm… I definitely filed them. Maybe there’s been a technical issue? I’ll have to check when I get to the base”, she lied.

The look he gave her let her know he did not believe her. He knew she had not even written them.

“Hopefully you can remedy any technical issue that has caused their displacement. I would like to see those reports tomorrow”, he told her with a pointed look.

“Of course, Admiral”. There goes my night out.

As she boarded the shuttle she locked eyes with Anakin, who had watched her conversation with the Admiral with a smirk on his face. Rex was right next to him, but still had his helmet on so Lexie wasn’t sure if he was watching her or not. She’d been avoiding him these past couple of days, worried she’d been too clingy during the siege, spending most of her time by his side.

“Zip it, Skywalker”, she told her friend with a chuckle.

“I wasn’t gonna say anything”, he said and Lexie have him a look. “But it does remind me awfully much of all the times you tried to skip on your Jedi texts studies. Do you remember that lecture you received from Madame Jocasta when she finally caught you?”, he continued with a laugh.

“Don’t remind me”, she said with a laugh of her own. From the corner of her eye she caught the slight tilt of the Captain’s helmet. He was listening after all. “So what are your plans for your night off?”, she asked her fellow Jedi.

“I should probably check on Ahsoka’s progress”, he answered.

With all the battles that had come one right after the other, Lexie realised neither she nor Anakin had seen Ahsoka since departing for Saleucami, almost two standard months ago.

“Tell her I said hi. Don’t think I’m making it to the Temple tonight, with all the kriffin’ reports I have to write”, she said rolling her eyes.

Of course she was unable to start the reports as soon as she got to the base like she wanted, she had no actual motivation to do so after all. Instead, she procrastinated by hanging out with Kix, Jesse and Hardcase until they left for the 79s. Truthfully, she had been so close to saying ‘kriff it’ and joining them when they asked, especially when Kix mentioned that Rex was gonna meet them there, but she knew better than to get on the Admiral’s bad side… again.

With no more excuses left, she headed to her office and spent the next three harrowingly tedious hours on the first two reports she had to write. Maker, she hated bureaucracy.

Her chair was becoming too uncomfortable and she was bored to death. Lexie picked up the datapad and decided to finish the reports somewhere else. It was late, most of the men should be at the 79s or already in bed and she did like the couches in their common break room. If anyone was in there she could socialise, but at this hour she expected it to be empty.

And it was, with the exception of one Captain.

As she got close to the room she looked through the Force, checking if the room was unoccupied, and she felt his presence. She couldn’t stop the smile that appeared on her face. Lexie found Rex sat comfortably on one of the couches at the back of the room. He was laid back in his seat, legs spread a little, holding a bottle of ale in his left hand, and not wearing the upper part of his armor. She also noted that he was not wearing his gloves either. His head turned as he heard her footsteps approach.

“Hey you”, he said with a smile, cocking his head to a side. He seemed very relaxed and his eyes appeared a little unfocused. There was also a faint blush visible on the beautiful tan skin of his cheeks. The way he greeted her really surprised her. Is he drunk?

“Hi”, she replied with amusement. “I thought you went to the 79s”.

“I came back early. Wasn’t feeling it tonight”, he shrugged.

Lexie glanced at the programme he was watching on the holoscreen and had to stifle a laugh. The camera was following a pack of Alderaanian deer, while the voice-over was describing their eating habits. “Is that a nature documentary?”.

Rex picked up on the her slightly teasing tone and suddenly felt very self-conscious. “Uhh, yeah… I like watching them from time to time. Helps me relax”.

“That is actually so adorable”, Lexie said as she sat on the couch next to him. For some reason she found it extremely endearing. He, however, wasn’t so pleased; being “adorable” wasn’t exactly how he wanted her to think about him.

She angled her body so that she was facing him, her right leg tucked under her, knee rested on his thigh. She saw his grip tighten on the bottle. “Any more of those?”, she asked, pointing to the drink in his hand.

“Yes, of course”, he leaned forward, picking up a bottle from next to the couch and handing it to her. “Not sure where I put the opener…”, he mumbled as he looked around.

“Don’t need it, honey”, Lexie replied, using the Force to pop open the cap, letting it fall to the floor with a soft clink.

Rex let out an awkward laugh. He still loved it when she called him “honey”.

She leaned slightly, noticing the empty bottle of ale placed on the floor next to the couch. So the one he’s holding is his second, plus whatever he’s had at 79s.

“Are you… drunk, Captain?”, she asked with a sly grin, putting a little bit more emphasis on his rank.

“No… Well… I maybe had a bit more to drink than usual. But I’m not drunk”, he replied with a chuckle.

“So, just slightly drunk?”, she teased.

Rex tried to give her an annoyed look, but the smile did not leave his face.

“That’s definitely something you don’t see every day. I like it, you seem more relaxed”, Lexie continued, taking a sip from her ale and smirking at him. He shook his head in amusement.

It really was something unusual for Rex, he was generally more controlled when it came to alcohol, only having two, maybe three drinks during an outing. He preferred to keep a level head at all times.

But on this occasion there was some… pent up frustration he wanted to get rid of. And the cause of that frustration happened to be sat on the couch next to him.

Ever since the night he had slept in her bed, Rex had found it increasingly difficult to keep Lexie out of his thoughts. She appeared in his dreams and he would think about her constantly, even when it wasn’t appropriate to do so, like at night when he was alone in his room and his hand found itself stroking his hard member.

There was also the moment they shared in the barn on Saleucami, it had filled his mind with hope that maybe his feelings for her weren’t unrequited. Hope that had been momentarily crushed when he saw how close she was with Fives after the Battle of Kamino and how tightly she had hugged him when it was time for the 501st to depart, only to be reignited during the weeks of the siege on Dore’e.

Lexie had been by Rex’s side at all times, including during the night. She had slept on his shoulder on a few occasions actually, claiming it was more comfortable than sleeping on the ground. But then she had acted so indifferent towards him in the past two days and seemed to be avoiding him during their journey back to Coruscant. Safe to say Rex was confused by her behaviour and he was annoyed with himself for reading so much in what was probably just friendly gestures.

And so, tonight he had wanted to forget about everything, and had even planned on leaving the 79s with the cute Mikkian woman that had flirted with him from the moment he stepped into the club. But then the song that he and Lexie had slow danced to came on and he was no longer in the mood for a meaningless hook-up, so he left alone and returned to the base.

“Have you finished those reports?”, Rex changed the subject, meeting her eyes.

“Ugh no”, she groaned, swiping a hand over her face. “I have two left. Do you mind if I finish them here?”.

“I don’t mind, I can even help you if you want”, he replied, cringing internally at how eager he sounded.

“No, it’s fine. Keep watching your documentary. It’s your night off after all, Rex. No need for both of us to suffer”, she said with a chuckle while picking up her datapad from where she had placed it on the couch behind her.

Lexie started her third report, shifting in her seat after a while. Rex had laid his arm across the backrest of the couch and she decided to lean into his side. He was glad that her attention was focused on the datapad, because without it she might have heard how his breath caught in his throat. Maker, having her so close to him was driving him crazy. He was barely paying attention to the documentary anymore, being too entranced by her presence at his side and by the cute little noises of annoyance she would let out from time to time as she tried to go over the events of the mission and transcribe them in a proper military tone.

When she finally finished the third report, Lexie let out a deep breath and threw the datapad next to her on the couch. She felt so tired and decided to lay down, resting her head in Rex’s lap. She felt his body language stiffen for a moment and worried she’d crossed a line. Was this too intimate? Too forward of her?

“Are you comfortable? Do you want me to remove the thigh gauntlets?”, he asked her, looking down at her face.

“Nah, it’s fine. Just need to rest a little before I start the last report”, she replied, slightly blushing.

He finished his ale and leaned forward over her in order to place the empty bottle on the floor. Lexie held her breath as his abdomen was millimetres from her face, feeling the heat of his core on her cheek. She suddenly became aware of how fast her heart was beating. As he laid back against the couch she looked up at him, meeting his gaze. Neither of them said anything, neither of them moved, they just looked into each other’s eyes.

Rex’s left hand slowly lifted from the backrest after a while, reaching for her face. His fingers softly traced down from her temple and over her cheek. The touch of his calloused fingers felt so gentle, and so electric at the same time. Lexie slightly tilted her head into his touch and closed her eyes. His fingers continued slowly moving along her jaw, reaching her chin and then softly tracing over her lips.

She lifted her head from his lap and got up, turning her body so that she was closer to him, her knees now under her. Rex took his hand away as she moved, fear engulfing his mind for a moment, before seeing that she was not pulling away, she was just trying to get closer.

His heartbeat was erratic as he shifted his body, leaning closer to her and lifting his hand back in order to cup her face. Her eyes were not leaving his, and being so close now he noticed the faint green at the edge of the brown irises. He thought she was stunning, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“Mesh’la, can I kis-”.

Muffled laughter from outside the door interrupted his question. Anxiety soared inside both of them and Lexie jumped away from him, landing at the other end of the couch just as the door slid open, revealing Kix and Hardcase. Kix briefly caught her movement and his brows furrowed, noticing the blush on Rex’s face, paired with the anxiety in his eyes, and the similar panicked expression Lexie had on her face. His brother darted past him, unaware of the fact that they have definitely interrupted something.

“Rex, Lexie, you missed quite a night!”, Hardcase loudly exclaimed, slurring his words a little. He plopped himself on the couch between the Jedi and the Captain before continuing. “Jesse dared Vaughn to dance on the bar and the di’kut fell face first on the floor”, he managed to say between laughter.

“Yeah, what a shame I missed that”, Rex said with a forced chuckle. “Where is Jesse?”.

“He swooped in on that Mikkian woman after you left her high and dry, and they left together. Don’t think we’ll be seeing him until the morning”, Kix replied, coming to lean on the armrest of the couch next to Lexie.

“Don’t get why you just up and left, vod, looked like you were about to seal the deal”, Hardcase interjected, jabbing Rex in the ribs with his elbow.

Lexie’s eyes quickly snapped to Rex. The thought of him with another woman, even just briefly flirting, made her stomach turn.

“Just wasn’t feeling it”, Rex mumbled, hand nursing the side of his chest that Hardcase hit a little too hard.

Lexie quickly got up from the couch and grabbed her datapad.

“I still have one report to write, gonna finish it in my room. Goodnight boys”, she spewed out a bit too rapidly and hurried out the room before Rex had a chance to say anything. Her mind was racing, she desperately needed to get back to her quarters and be alone.

Rex got up from his seat as she left, and was now stood awkwardly staring at the door the General had basically run away through. Fear and shame were filling his mind. What the hell was he thinking? He had probably made her so uncomfortable and ruined their friendship. This is exactly why he didn’t like to drink. He had lost control, he had inappropriately touched her… he had called her mesh’la. Rex felt so angry with himself.

“You good, vod?”, Kix asked, looking at him with concern.

“Yeah. Fine.”, he replied dryly. “I’m gonna hit the sack. I suggest you two do the same”.

He left the room before his brothers could ask any more questions.

Back in the confinement of her room, Lexie paced around the small space, trying to make sense of what just happened. What almost happened. Did she understand him correctly? Did he want to kiss her? There is no way she misinterpreted that but had he actually meant it or was he just drunk? Was he just trying to find a replacement after striking out with that woman at the 79s and she just happened to be conveniently there?

No, that didn’t seem like Rex, she shouldn’t think that. It must have been the alcohol, there’s no way he would actually be interested in her. She knew him, he was a proud soldier, he respected the chain of command and military regulations, he wouldn’t allow himself to get attached to a superior officer. It was probably just the alcohol.

Her mind wondered back to what Hardcase had said. Why would he just leave the cantina? He didn’t strike her as the type of man who used a woman for some flirtatious banter to then turn and just leave her hanging once he got bored. But then again, she’d never seen him engage with other women and the more she thought about it the more nauseous she felt.

The image of him flirting with someone else made her heart sink, but she had to accept that of course it happened, he was an attractive man, he must have women throwing themselves at him constantly.

She had to stop thinking about it. It didn’t matter, at the end of the day. She didn't think he liked her, not in the same way she did anyway. She had to get a grip on herself, she was too attached to him. Lexie forced herself to focus on finishing her report then tried her hardest to get some sleep. But Rex would not leave her thoughts.  

[notitlesapply]

Fic writer 20 questions!

Got tagged by @tapemonkey21. Thanks for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

6 published currently, but I've got a LOT of WIPs, and some fics on FF.Net that everyone has probably forgotten about lol

2. What's your AO3 word count?

173,259. Hmm. Not bad.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

According to AO3 Tokyo Ghoul and Overwatch. But honestly I've only been writing Star Wars lately, I just haven't posted anything.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Pound of Flesh (Tokyo Ghoul)

Cut Him Out In Little Stars (Tokyo Ghoul)

They Watch From Above (Overwatch)

Disrepair (Overwatch)

Memories in a Tin (Overwatch)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I often get overwhelmed and am not sure what to say so I don't always. I haven't responded to any lately since I posted so long ago lol.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Disrepair, hands down. It even has multiple endings, each one with their own flavor of angst. It took a lot of inspiration from Silent Hill 2 so what do you expect?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm, maybe Firework Love (Overwatch). It's my least popular fic, so maybe I'm not cut out for fluff lol. I also wrote a few Rurouni Kenshin fics back in ye olde FF.Net days that had happy endings, but that's a LONG time ago.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Sometimes I get people getting nitpicky on grammar/spelling or word choices. And once upon a time (again in ye olde FF.Net days) I got complaints for dragging a fic on too long. It killed my motivation for the fic 😔

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes I have on occasion. The only one published on AO3 is They Watch From Above, which is full of Eldritch horror monster fucking 😏 It was ridiculously indulgent.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't have any crossovers published, but I do have ideas/WIP rattling around. I think the craziest one is my Card Captor Sakura x Star Wars idea where I turn Obi-Wan into a magical girl, Cody into a magical girl mascot that has a secret badass hottie form with wings, and together they try to stop Cody's bros from causing chaos. Alternatively there's another CCSxSW fic idea where Ahsoka and/or Anakin is the magical girl, Rex is a goddamn talking plushie, Obi-Wan is the older brother that Ahsoka/Anakin are trying to hide magic from and utterly failing at doing so, and Cody is Obi-Wan's best friend (who everyone knows is going to upgrade into boyfriend as soon as they admit their damn feelings). Also Cody's actually the cold hearted final boss but doesn't know because of ✨magical amnesia✨ (If anyone wants to hear more, hit me up, I kinda love this crack.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. I had a RK fic translated into Italian in ye olde days, and Cut Him Out In Little Stars was translated into Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Hmm, that's a hard one. Codywan is certainly my favorite right now, but I'm not sure which is my favorite of all time. I suppose it might be Touya/Yukito from CCS simply because they were one of my first favorites and I still have a great fondness for them today. Also they canonically are together in every universe 😍

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but you doubt you ever will?

A Pound of Flesh. I'm trying to at least write out a summary of how I'd finish it, but I doubt I'll fully write it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Combat. I've also been complemented on my characterization and my ability to balance humor and tragedy.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing a long fic lol. There's a reason why I'm refusing to publish my first Codywan fic until I finish it. I don't want to disappoint anyone.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's fine. I think it's especially flavorful for worlds using conlangs.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Card Captor Sakura. Back when I was young and innocent 😇

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Probably Cut Him Out In Little Stars. I'm still very proud of it. Second place would be Disrepair because of its multiple endings. I experimented a lot with that one.

No pressure tags @anxiousotters @crowleying @koisplash and anyone else who wants to join

[kenobiwhump]

Closeted Bisexual

I found this in my saved posts, I couldn't find the author but if you're reading! Thank you for all the inspiration!

_______

Hello there! My name is Kristy. And this short work is about my life as a closeted bisexual.

It’s 2023, so many of you might wonder why I hide my feelings. Well, let me answer that. I am the oldest of five children and the daughter of a strict religious family. Now do you know? I think by using the words strict and religious; I might have given it away. But not only am I bisexual, but I also do not want to follow in their religious ways.

Now some of you might be wondering, move out then. Live your own life. Well, that would be a bit tricky since I’m 16 and have no job, car, or any place to crash for a while. My plan right now is to wait till I’m 18, and then go and move in with a relative.

Ever since I was little, I’ve always been fond of a close relative of mine. He’s gay and lives a very happy life with his partner. He visits every once in a while, and I look up to him so much. But my parents always told me that his life was bad. That loving the same gender is a sin. But every time I saw my relative with his partner, and I saw how happy they made each other, that made me wonder… Why is it so bad when they look so happy?

So, when I got older, my parents explained to me in detail, what being gay means and how it is disobeying the Bible. They didn’t bluntly tell me, but they did insinuate that if the relative didn’t change his ways, that he’d go to Hell. I remember countless nights, where I’d stay up and think, and then eventually cry myself to sleep, scared to death of the relative going to Hell. I didn’t want that, so for like a year, I was all religious, taking the Bible seriously, telling the relative stuff about the Bible, and trying to subtly change him. I was always talking religiously.

When I was about 12, I hit a huge emotional roadblock. The next two years were not good, I was depressed. I always have been since I can remember, I have just never been an upbeat and happy person. But I’m never always depressed. But for some reason, I was just so very depressed. I was also dealing with multiple mental health issues. When I was 13, I tried to kill myself on many occasions, some I was close, and some I never had the guts to go forward. I was put in a hospital once, and bullied there, which really wasn’t helping my mindset at the time. I’ve dealt with self-harm, and the scars I have from it will forever remind me of that time. So yes, I was a very messed up teenager.

After a while, I got better. Not totally better, not even now, but I got a bit better. During my late 13’s and early 14’s, I begin to branch out and explore what the world had to offer. I found out there was so much better music than the Christian artists I listened to. There were amazing movies and tv shows, way better than Veggies Tales or some Christian hallmark movie. There was a whole world out there, ready for me to see.

So, I got into Marvel, which was on Disney+, and streamed all 19 movies. Over and over again. Until I could start memorizing lines. I had a huge obsession with watching Jurassic Park and World, again, I could memorize lines. I became a nerd, really, a proud nerd, but a nerd nonetheless. Then I was banned from watching Marvel or Jurassic Park, I was “idolizing” it, according to my parents. When new movies came out for Marvel though, they didn’t have to know I secretly watched it on a made-up profile and then deleted it afterward.

Then, when I was 14, I loved Star Wars. More specifically the prequels. And I loved/love Obi-Wan and Ewan McGregor. I watched a lot of his movies, The Island, Our Kind of Traitor, Big Fish, Trainspotting 1 and 2, Incendiary, Son of a Gun, Raymond and Ray, Christopher Robin, Young Adam, The Ghostwriter, Doctor Sleep, and that’s just to name a few. He’s an amazing actor. Then I watched one of his best movies in my opinion, Moulin Rouge. I still can’t get the songs out of my head today. I listen to the soundtrack all the time. But that movie, is when I realized I was different than my family.

In Moulin Rouge, Ewan plays a character named Christian who falls in love with a woman named Satine. Satine is played by Nicole Kidman. And when I saw her beautiful auburn hair, her beautiful complexion, and when I heard her amazing voice. And when I thought she was so hot, that she was pretty. That was when I realized I was attracted to her character, I began to understand I was different. And maybe… It wasn’t so bad.

I have been a closeted bisexual for two years. I just recently told that relative, and it felt so good to be able to get that off my chest. I was so scared, though, Rationally, you’d think he’d be fine with learning I’m bisexual because he’s gay. But irrational me thought maybe he only thought you can be attracted to only one sex. Maybe being attracted to both is just weird. But one day, when we were alone, we were just talking, and then I blurted it out. And that was one of the best days of my life. He accepted me for me, he didn’t see anything wrong with me. He understood me. And that was all I wanted. After two years, I told my role model and the person I looked up to, and he accepted me. And the feeling that I experienced was one of the best.

Lately, I’ve gotten more bold with showing my pride, I wear a pink, purple, and blue bracelet, representing the bisexual flag. I wear a rainbow pin on my jacket, representing LGBTQ+. (My parent’s just thought it’s a special pendant I got from a friend, but my relative’s partner actually gave it to me, I was little, but I recently found the pin stored away somewhere and it was perfect) Instead of saying one day when I’m married to my husband, I say spouse.

When I was speaking to my relative about this though, he asked me a very important question. When will I tell my family?

I will tell them when I am 18, and when I have a place to live. Because honestly, I’m worried they’d kick me out. My parents are always saying, if you’re not going to abide by our rules, then you can move out when you’re 18. I think being bisexual in a strictly Christian home is breaking a lot of rules. Plus, sometimes they talk about the “man” I’ll one day marry. A Christian man who is like my parents, strictly religious. And they’ll talk about me, a Christian wife, who is below her husband, because that’s what the Bible says, and a wife who is to have children and raise them in the same environment I grew up with.

The thing is, while I’m also bisexual, I’m also asexual. I’m not interested in sex and never will be. I just want to settle down with my future partner, and cuddle. Or kiss. Sex doesn’t define a relationship, love does. And sex is not the only way to show you love someone. Another thing is, my parents know I’m asexual, but they still talk about it. They tell me I’ll grow out of it, and that in the Bible, it is said that the woman shall become one with a man, and bear him children.

And that’s hard to hear. One, because I don’t want that, but apparently, my feelings on sex don’t matter, it’s my duty to my “husband.” I thought this whole women-serving men thing ended a while ago but I guess not. And second, them telling me I’ll grow out of it, that’s the last thing I ever want to hear. It’s not a stage, and more people need to realize that. It’s their sexuality, and it needs to be brought to awareness. The thing is, through the years, PRIDE is bringing all of this to awareness and I am proud to support it and be a part of it.

I’m proud to be bisexual. I’m not scared of it. Not anymore. And one day, when I do decide to tell my parents, I’ll still be proud to be bisexual.

My dream is to one day be in a relationship with an amazing partner, maybe we adopt children, or we don’t. I just want to be happy with who I am and not hide myself.

But, happiness has a price, because when I decide to embrace myself, I’ll lose everyone but my relative and his partner. I’ll lose my family and my friends. All my friends are devout Christians, I already know their feelings on this, it’s not good. My siblings are so, so loyal to my parents. They’re so engrained in their teachings. I think maybe one or two would still speak to me but that’s it. My parents are strictly religious, so I know that would be goodbye. I know that if I ever married a woman, my dad would not walk me down the aisle. And that really breaks my heart.

I love my family so much. More than they will ever know. Even though they don’t like people who are like me, I love them. Their my family, they raised me, and they took care of me. And to think one day, that that might be all gone. That I’ll probably be the family outcast and disappointment, truly makes me sad.

But I have to think about myself. And I know that I am totally attracted to women. And one day, I might end up being with one. And right now, as I write this, I hope that anyone out there who has the same struggles as me can at least have one person to talk to. Even if it’s just one, it makes all the difference. I know it did for me. I hope that I can be happy one day and fully embrace my sexuality. And I hope anyone who is like me does too.

And I wish the people reading this all the best in life. I hope you find your true self and embrace it. Without caring about what people will think about you. Because that just makes you end up in a sad place. I hope with reading this, you understood too just be yourself. Because that’s the best you.

[ragnarlothcat]

👐, 💋, 💫 , 🍭, 🎈

Thank you for so many!!! 💙💙💙 (for this ask game)

🤲 what do YOU get out of writing?

I mentioned the personal and creative fulfillment in the previous ask but the other thing is the community and immediate gratification of fic writing. I do write original fiction too and I miss the feedback I get when I post a new chapter in a fic. It's hard finishing something up without getting to hear people's favourite silly little joke, you know? I'm weak!!!

💋 when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

Hmm I don't feel especially strongly one way or another 🤔 If I've asked a question then I suppose I like getting an answer. And there have been a couple of times I've left an author multiple comments and not gotten responses and I do slightly worry that it's because they hate me and want me to stop commenting but I recognize that my reaction is ridiculous and entirely in my head. In general I'm fine either way and if an author isn't replying because they're busy and/or overwhelmed I get it and I would never want to add any pressure to them!

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

It's probably a cop-out but I really do like most of them! Yeah the in-depth comments with theories and notes on characterization and stuff are incredible (and I am hugging everyone who has ever sent one of those) but I do enjoy the simple heart emojis or "kudos!" comments too.

I guess the only things I don't like are impatient demands for an update (believe me, I promise I feel bad enough about my WIPs already) or when people are very critical of a character or call them stupid in a non-affectionate way. Most of the time the vibe is "they're stupid because the pining is so obviously mutual!!!" but in a fun way because we know we're reading an idiots to lovers fic so obviously the pining is mutual but sometimes the tone is off or something and it feels like a criticism of my characterization because Obi-Wan is not that stupid in canon so why am I writing him like that? Idk, even when my characters are doing something dumb I want their actions to seem rational to them and it makes me worry I'm not accomplishing that. I'm probably being too sensitive but those comments do make me overthink (even more than usual).

🍭 why did you start writing?

It's a bit silly in retrospect but I started writing obikin specifically because I'd been reading fics for a couple months (and loving them!) but it seemed to me that a lot of fics were about how handsome and amazing Obi-Wan is and there were fewer talking up Anakin. Which I do get a) because Anakin goes on multiple killing sprees and helps run a fascist dictatorship for 20 years and b) it's harder to write Obi-Wan pining over Anakin because of the power imbalance between them. Even I struggled with it when I wrote my one master/padawan fic and I made it extremely clear that Anakin had been in love with Obi-Wan for ages already.

But the first obikin fic I ever wrote was a 5+1 that could be summarized as "everyone thinks Anakin is extremely charming and pretty" and honestly I've never really strayed from that. I like to think there's more going on but whenever I write from Obi-Wan's POV I tend to go a bit overboard with the immediate attraction. In my defence Anakin is very cute.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I'd say: not very poetic, lots of dialogue (I write dialogue first and fill in the gaps afterwards) and heavy on the POV character's internal monologue. I often struggle to describe what characters are doing and then I start making everyone shrug constantly to compensate. If I didn't find first person POV kind of annoying it would probably be a natural fit for my writing. I try to change things up occasionally especially if I'm writing in a different genre than usual but I feel like my style is still pretty consistent. But I could be wrong!

[daisychainsandbowties]

weirder asks if you please: 1, 23, 29, 42, 44

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

i have Many, unfortunately, but the main ones are 

lilith, because she’s incredible and poetic and tall and she scares me. i’m comforted by her as a character with an aborted destiny, who is not what she was meant to be, but still alive, & dealing with the cost of (still) being alive. 

beatrice. i mean… damn she’s just everything to me. her gentleness and her harshness and the way it feels to write her. i think she’s one of my favourite narrative voices to work with - not even her POV but just what she does to any scene. she’s such a beautiful person & it changes everything, changes the structure of language in some indefinable way. mwah love her. 

obi wan kenobi. HE’S BABY. i just love him & there are too many reasons why but phantom menace obi and his little braid were Gender to me as a kid. profoundly gender. hoping to grow into mullet obi some day, if i am fortunate. 

obvioulsy Mo from wot. like she makes me want to rip up the trees by their roots like i’m an orc doing landscaping for Saruman but she’s!!! talk about a tectonic shift in my psyche at age single-digits when i first read EoTW. i was there with Rand & Mat in the Bad Bird scene going ‘if she asked me to do anything, then that is what i would do.’ but oh i never get tired of reading about her i just love her & she’s kind of a fixture of multiple points in my life bc i kept going back to her (& wot) like a boat into harbour. moiraine is possibly THE comfort character (tragic for me that she’s Like That. so not relaxing to be around) 

Nona from the Book of the Ancestor series. she’s autistic, she’s covered in (her own) blood half the time. she would die for her friends. she’s got a devil in her. she’s just!!!! very soft but also so dangerous & she has something gay going on with at least four of her friends and i think that’s heroic of her. 

Captain Laurence from the His Majesty’s Dragon series. he’s just the softest boi. he has a dragon the size of a small manor house & he calls said dragon ‘my dear’. what else is there to say? 

& this one is obscure but Celestia Stardust from the dnd podcast Flintlocks and Fireballs. i also love Scamp from that because they were the character who helped me figure out my favourite pronouns & also they’re a pink demon-child who once turned into a potted plant and accidentally started the French Revolution. but Celestia is the gay disaster bard, and you know i love a disaster. she’s ridiculously tall, she once rolled a nat 20 to walk through a door. her family are the worst people in the world but her sister is (tragically) kind of sexy. she nearly dies like every episode because she started the campaign with a negative con modifier (like, darling). she also says darling a lot which…. i’m fine. 

ok there are Loads truly but i’ll stop. basically the more autistic and soft and disastrous they are the more i love them. 

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

ah see it’s a conundrum bc i am smol and therefore have no natural defence from the cold. it will be 12 degrees celsius and i will be featured in the google image results of the word ‘icicle’

BUT i also enjoy being wrapped in blankies and wearing multiple hoodies and fluffy socks (but, to be clear, i am a tough guy) so the cold is generally a good time for me. also i hate fruit flies. cannot even explain my loathing. this is why me & spiders are in alliance, why if no one got me, spiders got me. so cold = no fruit flies. ghdkslkd honestly i’d like hot weather a lot more if i had top surgery because i would be like ‘shirt WHO??’ but alas… 

29. how do you like your shower water?

shower water must be scalding. some of us have Raynaud’s Syndrome. (also yea the urge to respond with 'wet')

42: an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

oh definitely google docs. me and my 10,000 iterations of ‘untitled document’ have to spend quality time together at least once every five minutes

44: you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

hmm there are a couple of people i WOULD kill but in most of those cases they’re surrounded by other cunts people who would step up and assume almost exactly the same role, so it’d really have to be someone i felt was uniquely harmful, in a way that’s individual to them in some way. probably i would think maybe some billionaire (and yeah, i am thinking of one in particular but it feels a bit too personal maybe. but def Looking just over the sea) or anyone responsible for an inordinate amount of environmental harm. it’s probably slightly boring, but i think in general not much can be prevented by killing one person (no actual real-world ta’veren & all that)

[galacticwildfire]

Omg i love this idea

Rhea Amidala

Am I the asshole for becoming a Separatist and a Sith Apprentice (accidentally) and hiding it from ex.

Several months ago my sister stopped speaking to me after the man who has been completing my Jedi training outed himself as the leader of the Separatist government. She had never been so furious with me in her entire life and threatened to have me stripped of my rank, but agreed to keep it secret for my sake in the belief that I'd come to my senses and abandon my place as Count Dooku's apprentice. I may have hidden the extent of my role in forming this government and pretended to act blindsided but she still wouldn't speak to me without yelling.

I love my sister, but I hate the Chancellor with every ounce of my body and truly believe in forming a separatist government away from the corruption of the Republic. We weren't on speaking terms until my master asked me to become grand general of an army of battle droids, and I cussed him out for being stupid enough to think I'd actually agree to such a foolish idea that would start a war. Turns out that's what he wants, and worse than that he revealed he's turned to the dark side. Even worse he tried to convince me to reach out to my ex from ten years ago to invite him and his apprentice to join us. I left and warned my sister about the army, but by the time I'd returned to play a double agent and set things right he'd tried to assassinate her. After a fight I managed to escape alive and return to her, only to be blindsided by the fact said ex and his apprentice would be there in moments.

I may have been distracted by his glow up and the realisation I'm still in love with him, although that was overshadowed by the fact that his apprentice is a menace who is weirdly obsessed with my sister. He doesn't seem as concerned as he should be. He realised I was hiding something and so I told him I had some minor business with the separatists, then there was another fight and I decided to keep the truth hidden until I knew for certain my master was ordering the assassination attempts. I know I'm in denial but it just seems to make little sense politically since her opposition to the Republic's army would only work in his favour. Things got a bit heated between the ex and I, in both good and bad ways, and he confronted me but I managed to brush him off after an argument. We had come to a compromise and begun to make up, that was until we learned my master was 100% involved and I had to come clean.

He keeps speaking to me in a voice I've only heard him use when he's frustrated with his apprentice and won't let go of the sith apprentice part, which is actually what I'm least guilty of since I only learned that after I'd turned on my master. He said I'd be the death of him, which is a bit of an exaggeration considering his apprentice likely will be, and the fight we had wasn't pretty. I'm worried the Jedi will decide to kill me when they learn I was accidentally a Sith Apprentice, yet his silent treatment might just be worse than the thought of that.

Update: sometimes arguments work out for the best and the tension resolved itself multiple times. I'm still screwed when the council finds out but at least I'll die happy.

Padmé: yes, you are the asshole for committing treason against the Republic. Call me.

Anakin: I feel unfairly represented here, but it's good to know I'm not the only one in trouble for once

Obi-Wan: ... *deep sigh*

Write an r/AmITheAsshole post told from your OC’s perspective. (Bonus: include replies from your other OCs.)

[just-dreaming-marvel]

get to know ur mutuals!

thanks for the tag @rosenclaws!

what's the origin of your blog title?:

Originally, many of my stories came from my dreams. Sometimes I am able to dream the same dream or a continuous dream multiple days in a row and remember it. So I used that as a blog name.

favorite fandoms?

okay, I'm like in fandoms but not at the same time. I find that I don't agree with the 'loudest voices' in the fandoms so I don't say that I'm part of one. But I guess most would say that I'm a member of the Marvel (MCU) fandom and the Star Wars.

favorite color?

yellow and blue

favorite game?

Monopoly and Disney Dreamlight Valley

song stuck in your head?

'Tell Me It's You' from Mufasa. I listen to it everyday on my way to work and make my students listen to it everyday too.

weirdest habit/trait? lol i literally can't think of one right now. i know i have one but my mind is seriously drawing a blank

hobbies?

writing and (currently) binging Gordon Ramsey shows

if you work, what's your profession?

I'm a 4th grade teacher

if you could have any job, what would it be?

Write curriculum for Disney

something you're good at?

technology

something you're bad at?

Art

something you love?

my puppy Milo

something you could talk about for hours?

Disney - especially Disneyland, MCU, Star Wars, anything education/teacher related

something you hate?

parents who expect teachers to parent for them; disrespectful students who get away with it

something you collect?

Loungefly bags (though I'm picky), anything Iron Man (have an Iron Man shrine in my classroom from students over the years)

what's your love language?

It changes. Right now - quality time

favorite movie/show?

TOO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM. HERE'S A LIST: Iron Man 3, Sherlock Holmes A Games of Shadows, Doctor Who, Ratatouille, Elemental, The Jungle Book (cartoon), Robin Hood (cartoon), A Bugs Life, Modern Family

favorite food?

chips and salsa; french fries

favorite animal?

dolphin

are you musical?

i play the piano. can semi hold a tune. i call myself the most musical non-musical person because i desire to be musical so bad but don't quite make it

what were you like as a child?

freakin' nerdy and annoying. oldest child bossy.

favorite subject in school?

math

least favorite subject in school?

PE and Art

what's your best character trait?

logical

worst character trait?

impatient (just ask my students lol)

if you could time travel, who would you like to meet?

George Washington or King Tut or Molly Brown

top 5 marvel characters:

Tony Stark

Logan Howlett

Bucky Barnes

Natasha Romanoff

Rocket Raccoon

top 5 star wars characters:

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Han Solo

Princess Leia

R2-D2

Chewie

favorite fanfic?

TOO MANY GREAT ONES TO CHOOSE FROM. DON'T MAKE ME PICK.

tagging: not gonna tag anyone. feel free to do it if you want!

[lasats-are-lovely]

Okay...

Now that I've finished Star Wars: Rebels and have actually gotten the chance to form my own opinion and find my own problems with the show, here is my biggest problem with it:

It wasn’t long enough :)

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

My new favorite thing on tumblr.com is the discourse around how hard it is to leave the order you guys, they leave their members ‘with no life skills’ etc etc, ONLY THE CLOTHES ON THEIR BACKS, it’s so darlingly melodramatic that I’m low-key picturing some kind of ritualistic drumming out ceremony, possibly involving the knights chanting ‘shame,’ ‘shame,’ ala game of thrones, while every single council member gazes down upon them from on high, faces carved from judgmental stone, culminating in the poor sod spending their first night in rags sleeping at the foot of the temple steps,

okay, I am getting distracted. What I’m actually amusing myself with is picturing what Ahsoka, 16 years of age, can put on her CV. It’s a lot. Now I hate CVs so like I’m not about to write up hers but. It includes military command, references from at least two GALACTIC SENATORS who worked with her, references from at least two HEADS OF STATE. Engineering, piloting, teaching, combat, military command, special ops, investigation, geo-politics....... She is 16. This is an objectively insane CV.

Her level of education is so respected that a head of state invited her to guest lecture at their top academy when she was 14, to kids her own age, and she was poised and confident throughout. Her schooling gets outright called out as privileged by her coruscanti friends. Also like, please let me know when the standard US high school curriculum comprehensively covers shit like astronavigation.

Every time she is depicted with non-jedi kids her age she is depicted as generally more worldly and prepared than them. The mandalorian kids. Lux, Trace, etc. She’s never encountered deathwatch or the Pikes directly before she’s rescuing her friends from them, but she immediately knows what’s up because she is simply. Well informed. Unlike her friends. It’s not like she doesn’t also learn things from them in these episodes, but. She just knows a lot.

She also left the order with at a minimum multiple contacts in the senate, a friendship with the king of Mon Calamar (I think?) and the duchal family of mandalore, as well as some shadier contacts.

(Now it’s true that tcw never answered, or even asked, what kind of financial or otherwise situation the temple itself provides to help a jedi who wants out to find their feet. That’s not a question you can ask in Ahsoka’s case without also asking: where the hell was Padme’s support? Why wasn’t Ahsoka sleeping on her couch? That’s her sister-in-law! Actually this is a trick question because Ahsoka tells Anakin she needs to figure this out on her own. Without the council, and without him. So we’ll never know. Until disney churns out yet more content that may or may not contradict previous content.)

(Absolute props to Ahsoka that is 100% what I would have done at 16. That’s just what being 16 is like. Bad things happen and then GOODBYE I AM PUTTING A SANDWICH IN A HANKERCHIEF AND TYING IT TO A STICK AND WALKING INTO THE SUNSET I AM GOING MY OWN WAY I WILL SLEEP ROUGH I WILL GO WHERE THE WIND BLOWS THIS WORLD IS STRANGE AND CRUEL AND I MUST RELY ON MYSELF GOODBYE)

(and obviously like canonically the door was 100% open to her returning, anytime she saw them they were like so... any chance you’re done with your walkabout?... we still have your room ready... your frog grandpa feels so bad he literally had a bad trip vision quest where you were like dying and asking him why he abandoned you and we had to commit him he is very sad. except maybe we’re not actually going to say this because that would sound like a guilt trip.. but... lightsabers ? :3)

(Generally the disaster lineage are a deeply ridiculous dataset. When Obi Wan was contemplating leaving the order he was contemplating becoming the Duke-Consort of Mandalore. Anakin not only married money but was offered a job by the Chancellor at 12 (comics). I mean ANAKIN RUN but also imagine being 12 and the president of the galaxy says well if you don’t like it with your dad I’ll give you a job)

Ultimately when Ahsoka left she tripped and fell into job as a mechanic, immediately found herself bailing her new boss out of trouble, and was headhunted like a week later to be on the command team for a counter coup of a whole system. She was still 16. The rest of us can only aspire to these kinds of job opportunities.

[padawansuggest]

Okay so I just searched Lola just to see if there was a canon timeline for her or if she can be placed anywhere (I am a firm believer that she can be dropped just about anywhere okay her part of the SW whole is AMBIGUOUS other than being apprenticed to Kutu as a Sith) and I have struck gold!!

Kutu, her master that she killed, has a death listed as 32 BBY.

Which means that Palpatine’s master was NOT the only Sith master killed that year!!! Kutu and Palpatine are also both very cringefail at keeping their evil apprentices evil lol. Maybe. Maybe if they actually offered power instead of taking unwilling slaves- lmao as if.

Anyways. I want an AU where Lola is off in her shade of the universe when she finds a bundle of soft sad cosmic force energy. (Btw, I put this in my time travel AU but I believe cosmic force users are basically energy MAKERS which is why Lola is able to sustain her shade of the universe, because she isn’t just THERE, she’s exuding enough energy to keep life coming to her for her needs, and also I believe that Obi-Wan belongs to the cosmic force. This is not canon at all, I don’t think he’s even technically listed as a unifying force Jedi. Him as a living force Jedi is wrong in like 10000 ways tho lol.)

Anyways. She feels bad about the sad little bundle of cosmic force, so she absorbs him into her shade, where he turns out to be a 13 year old boy that was put in a slave mine.

Anyways, she teaches him to use the shade they now live in to move about in a way that defies all physics and takes him as her apprentice.

It’s not till Obi-Wan is 25 that they encounter Kutu and Maul both on Tatooine, working together because they needed to catch Palpatine’s future apprentice.

Anyways. Kutu gets dead and Maul is given a choice, that not all those who followed the Sith, even willingly, can’t turn their backs on it. Anyways, Maul goes into that shade of the universe and runs off to collect his brothers and teach them too.

And that’s when the Jedi learn that Obi-Wan is still alive and has a lovely master with lovely droids and Anakin wants to help her upgrade her arm and Obi-Wan is ENCHANTED by the baby and asks to teach him, meanwhile Jinn (not QUITE to blame but also not exactly welcomed rn) is standing there like 🧍🏼because he knows the ride back to Coruscant is gonna be awkward and the high council are like ‘YOU FOUND OUR BABY????’

Anyways. I should write this. Also I should find another word to use other than shade, because it’s not a shade. It’s like. They’re in the same place as everyone else, they’re just overlapping like multiple dimensions where they can create their own rules.

Also I think Obi-Wan shouldn’t call her master. He should call her Mama.

Since some of you MIGHT know the fact that I am obsessed with the eldritch possibilities of the Force in Star Wars (especially since not many people know that the Time Travel fic is about to get Super Fuckin Weird soon and that’s saying something cause I’m writing this after I’ve already revealed that most of the clones are gonna end up back in time) aaaaaaaaaand I am also the type of autist that takes things SUPER literally in a way that makes me hate poetry, take music seriously, and ‘visual poetry’ is not real wdym that’s just an alternate universe where weird shit happens-

Anyways. I have always been somewhat obsessed with Star Wars Visions since it came out, and my fave episode is S2E1: Sith. Earlier I was thinking about the speeder cycle that Lola has in it, and I wanna find out what type of cycle that is so I can put it in a fic (I think in the fic where Jaster finds Obi-Wan in the jungle and adopts him and brings him home, he would eventually get Obi-Wan one for like his 18th birthday or something, saying ‘it’s nearly crash proof’ only for him and Jango and Arla to watch in worry the entire time Obi is on it because ‘👁️👄👁️ the lot worker that sold me it said it wasn’t possible to go that fast on it’ and now Boga is trying to bite it when Obi passes her and they are SO worried)-

But the other reason I wanna rewatch it rn!!! Is because I take the visuals very literally. And I think I wasn’t the only one obviously but apparently a lot of other people completely ignored the visuals, saying it’s part of the metaphor but I’m over here like screeching at my caseboard like ‘THE VISUALS ARE LITERALLY HER HIDING HER PRESENCE IN THE FORCE SHE HAS SHADED HERSELF INTO ANOTHER BRANCH OF THE UNIVERSE TO HIDE FROM HER MASTER’ like. Honey. It’s the force. It’s not just visual metaphor bruh she’s found a way to hide in the edges of the universe and her look of colour on the galaxy is how she continues to sustain herself with minimal interaction with the universe!!!

‘Oh but why can she still fight her Sith master-‘ don’t be dense you shit, when she found a door that was already fully coated in colour despite it being non-living, she was clearly shocked and tried to get into it, without realizing that was a Sith portal BACK into the world of physical being and the only way her master could trap her into dealing with him!!!!!

Anyways. I want to make Lola a character in fics the same way I have Jaster or Fay in fics. They’re not big screen characters or even well known characters, but fans seem to love all of them.

And in the time travel fic it would actually make sense for Obi-Wan to accidentally run into her at a certain point and charm her with his big smiles and complimenting her paintings and grin really big and point to his mouth and say he lost his fang caps recently so his fangs are all tiny again, aren’t they cute??? Anyways. Yeah.

[what-a-burden]

Why Did the Clone Wars Change its Mind About Radicalness?

*disclaimer: any critiques or opinions expressed are not meant make anyone feel bad about media they enjoy. They are just the thoughts of some rando on the internet*

Something I have found myself routinely asking whenever I watch The Clone Wars show is: “Why did they change their mind about radicalness?” The “them” in question being Lucasfilm. Within the original trilogy we are introduced to a band of rebels radically attempting to overthrow a fascist empire in power. Luke at the beginning of a New Hope dislikes the Empire but is moderate about it. He feels as though it’s not effecting him that negatively and he can carry on with his life even though he would prefer not to have the Empire in power. He is then radicalized by his aunt and uncle being murdered by the Empire because they unknowingly bought droids who escaped from a raided rebel ship. Luke is recruited into the rebel alliance in this way. The proceeding story is a tale of a violent overthrow of the Empire by the rebel alliance . 

When the Clone Wars show aired, there are multiple episodes in the series touting centrism and moderation. Especially when it came to forcibly occupied Separatist planets or deep seated corruption within political structures. The people who suffered from these corruptions and forced occupations are expected, in the show, to take it and wait for the Republic to save them. The people who do fight back on their own are considered extremists and likened to terrorists. Most notably this is found when Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi Wan help a group of rebels free and reinstate their overthrown king. They are often sited as verging on terrorism. This is odd to me because the Rebel Alliance did the same types of things, but were never called terrorists. In fact they were celebrated as heroes. The movies only painted them in a positive light. Yet when we move to the Clone Wars, people doing the same things but in a different time period are approached with ambivalence. As if they are hesitant to show these people positively. 

Perhaps this is simply a result of the show being aimed toward children, and the creators and writers didn’t want to have to handle parents being concerned with the messaging given to their children. “Yes kids, it’s ok to overthrow the government.” Or perhaps this is a result of the changing political climate from the 80s to the 2010s. Either way, it’s frustrating to me that people wanting to be free of and taking action against oppressive rule or occupation are painted as morally gray and verging on terrorists. Yet the U.S. itself was founded on a revolution. I am hearing, idolize the people who revolted from one country and created another, yet don’t take revolution and rebellion to far today, because that would be bad and you will be a terrorist. 

Not to sound too conspiracy theorist, but I do think that to an extent it really reflects the general attitude and reverence of centrism. The U.S. wants to maintain the illusion of exceptionalism and glorifying the American Revolution is one way, and discouraging rebellion of the current corrupt capitalist system is another. Now, do I think that the government is directly sticking it’s fingers into every show for children. No, but I do think they did a good job at convincing the generation who created the shows for the next generations to remain moderate and centrist and to not rock the boat too much, and we see this in our shows. 

[akajustmerry]

What are your thoughts on Kenobi?

hiiiiiiiii ❤️ thanks for asking!

so I'm still pretty sick n feverish rn so these thoughts might be a bit scattered. I think it's important to know that I went into kenobi with relatively low expectations. after watching boba fett, the final season of tcw, etc, I don't rlly expect these series to be much more than frilly filler that dismisses it's own source material and let's just say kenobi didn't do much to shift that expectation.

It was a waste of Hayden: despite being a they/them, I am now, forever and since the age of 8, a Hayden Christensen girlie!!! But my mans was WASTED, I understand he was (allegedly) in the Vader suit the whole time but....its a waste. At bare minimum there shoulda been more ani/obi prequel flashbacks woven throughout each ep instead of that one in ep 5. Like they dragged him off the farm to cosplay darth Vader. I wanna know what Disney has on him to make him do this because lord love a duck, this was pathetic and using him so heavily in the press was akin to false advertising.

Individualism is a DISEASE: I'm currently writing a video essay about Anakin so I'm not gonna elaborate a lot on this point here except to say that having Anakin claim that HE HIMSELF killed Anakin Skywalker is an INSULT to how the prequels clearly placed the blame for Anakin's turning on the Jedi on multiple factors, many of which were systemic, to the point where even in the prequels Anakin CONSISTENTLY outloud blames the Jedi for making him this way. That, "I did" line in ep 6 was completely unearned and spat in the face of George Lucas's Anakin characterisation. And for what? all to free obi wan of a guilt he has every fucking justification to feel. Anakin was never EVER solely responsible for becoming Darth Vader. To have him say so just Disney depoliticising star wars, as they've been doing since TFA by making characters into fucking toys.

Leia, I'd kill for you: about the only thing that kept me watching after ep 3, apart from the hope of seeing Hayden, was Leia. Vivien Blair was absolutely adorable and did such a wonderful job emulating Carrie Fishers energy without just imitating. Along with her performance, I appreciated seeing characterised and fleshed out as a main character, rather than a side character in someone else's story. She was perfect and her and Ewan were so lovely on screen I was just 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 the whole time. She was the star of this silly series as far as I'm concerned.

The racism...yikes! I've talked about reva on my blog already so I'm not gonna repeat it, but putting Tala, a brown woman, in Nazi adjacent costuming for the majority of her screen time and then killing her off to save the white dude? Yikes. Also, Sung Kang being inhumanely evil and green? Literally dehumanising. Also, Kumail being untrustworthy criminal grifter? Nope. I was so shocked Oshea Jackson's char lived because the racism in this series was so bad.

The environmentals were appalling: this is a gripe I have with all Disney + content, but the fact that this show about Obi Wan made in 2022 looks more visually bland and flat than movies made in the early 00s is EMBARRASSING. Ani and Obi fought twice in this stupid show and on both occasions the environment was essentially interchangeable!!!! You could not say that about any of the duels in the prequels because they actually have visually compelling narratively relevant settings!

Natalie Holt and John Williams collabing on the score was soooooooo good. Natalie being such a gifted fresh composer combined with John Williams legendary star wars tracks made for the most outstandingly scored d+ show to date. The score made it for me, honestly

A prequel only works as an emotionally driven tragedy: the thing about making something that's sandwiched between 2 establishment events in the story is that your only option to actually making it compelling is to focus on building emotional conflict over plot. Sadly, this show made its central conflicts all plot and hardly any emotion. Every cliffhanger was things we knew the answers to already, yet the show wants you to be worried that Luke Skywalker might die?? Laughable. When Obi says, "then my friend is truly dead" that's what should have been foregrounded as the main conflict for Obi Wan. Not whether Darth will learn of the kids, or whether reva will kill him or whatever the fuck! The throughline for the show should have been obi wan believing there was still good in him, Obi Wan believing that Anakin could be turned back, but we never get a proper sense that he actually believes any of that. Moreover, the actions he takes like protecting leia, burying his saber, the nightmares, his conversations with Reva - they all speak to him already accepting Anakin as being dead and just being Darth. That "then my friend is truly dead" line is so utterly unearned and unnecessary that it's almost funny. That line should have been TRAGIC but it's not because the show never invests in the emotional conflict of it, just stupid plot conflict we know will be resolved anyway.

Padme: I really loved how much this series acknowledged Padme's loss as equal to Anakin's in terms of forces for good lost to tragedy. Truly the only and most compelling emotional arch for Obi in this silly show was him figuring out how to tell leia about who her parents were without imparting the pain of losing them. Again this is one of the few genuinely positive things I can say about the show because it was something actually character focused.

A waste of qui gon - lmao it's hilarious to me that qui gon was literally the guy who chose Anakin to be the chosen one and is essentially responsible for putting ALL THIS into motion, but the forces that be on this wasteful show are like, "let's just have him cameo for a quip at the end". Borderline insulting!!!!!!!! Like qui gon DIED fighting for Anakin to be trained as a Jedi and abandoning obi to train him alone and we don't even get to see them have a meaningful conversation about any of that? Fuck off.

Endless repetition: I literally hate that the so-called iconic moments in this show are mostly just the show imitating what's already been done. Like Darth and Obis 2nd fight is just copy paste Ahsoka and Darths fight from TCW right down to the dialogue and most of the visuals. The whole rescuing Leia from the base is just imitating ANH without saying anything interesting too and sure obi said the "hello there" but Why are people treating that as meaningful when it's just a fucking gag reference?? If I wanted to watch ANH or ROTS I woulda just done that, I wanted something new. God forbid the show purporting itself as a character piece actually....be a character piece.

Anyways, I can't say I fully regret watching it. As I said, elements were enjoyable. But there was nothing in it that really justified its existence to me. Like, this coulda been a really fun star wars novella and I probably woulda been fine with it, but promoting it on the strength of ewan and Hayden returning and mostly wasting their time on screen with shit we already know that's inconsistent at best and shallow fan service repeating what's been done at worst just left a bad taste in my mouth. Those of us who loved and grew up on the prequels deserved better. Ewan was giving really fucking sad, hot uncle vibes though so I suppose it'll always be there for a thirst watch 🤷🏻

[the-last-kenobi]

*kciks down door* ReQuEsTs?!??! uh, 18. “Is it all right if I hug you?” with Obi-wan and character of your choice (please, this boy needs a hug so bad)

Hugs!!!! What an excellent ask.

Took me forever to pick a character though. I came this close to writing multiple hugs throughout the years but it would’ve been very long...

It’s still long. Whoops.

Note: I skipped the actual sentence and instead went for ✨vibes only✨

(From this various prompts list.)

_

Obi-Wan is twenty-three standard years old, very nearly twenty-four.

It is a delightful stage of life. (It’s awful.)

He’s growing in independence, so close to Knighthood he can almost taste it. (Is he? Nobody seems to have a clear opinion.)

He’s receiving more and more solo assignments, and on his missions with Master Jinn, the older Jedi makes an effort to at least await the Padawan’s input before making a decision, sometimes even deferring to Obi-Wan’s word. (Only in public, though, is there a sense of equality. Behind the scenes, Obi-Wan is still very much the learner.)

He longs to be free. (He doesn’t want to be alone.)

The confusing clash of thoughts and emotions is, in and of itself, a creator of more clashing emotions, all resulting in a bundle of self-doubt that crouches near his heart, like a greedy bird, picking away at his strength and certainty when he most needs it.

Doesn’t your doubt show you that you’re truly not ready? the pestering creature asks.

Doesn’t your longing for freedom prove you don’t deserve it? it says, tapping against the veins of ice and fear that lie right against the heat of his heart.

Doesn’t your need to be reassured tell you that you’re too hesitant, too weak to be alone?

His desire to fly is wrong. His desire to be sheltered, even more so.

Both together, coexisting in his heart and mind, could quite possibly mean the one thing he had been dreading for over a decade now, the thing older Jedi, real Jedi, had put into words and addressed to his face when he was only twelve, only eleven, only ten.

You are too emotional, they said.

You are overeager, they said.

You are not destined to be a Jedi, Qui-Gon had told him. I will not train you.

He had, in the end, and Obi-Wan has been wondering in the depths of his heart for all these years of it had not been a dreadful mistake. As much as the Force sings in his ears Jedi, Jedi, Jedi, endure, Jedi, Jedi, it felt like everything he touched, everything tangible, argues back failure, weak, selfish, foolish, unwanted, not fit.

Obi-Wan is twenty-three, almost twenty-four, and he is years into adulthood and light years away from proving that he’s capable of handling it.

When will he be Knighted?

Nobody seems to be expecting it from him.

Do they know, he wonders, have they known since the beginning that I am doomed to fail? Has this all been a gracious attempt, a thank you for my actions on Bandomeer, and they have drawn this out and out and out as long as they can?

How much longer can this go on?

Still, there are moments when he is at peace, when Obi-Wan is sure. When he meditates, when he accomplishes something new, when he walks away from an assignment feeling unashamed when he translates his memories into a tidy mission report.

When he has one of his long talks with Master Yoda, or Master Windu, who despite their revered status have taken to talking to him more like a friend than a child, outside of the Council chambers.

When he remembers the Force whispering inside, Jedi Jedi Jedi Jedi, endure, Jedi...

And then, on one of the missions assigned to both himself and his Master - still the overwhelming majority of his assignments - he and Qui-Gon are separated during a violent uprising.

There are bodies in the streets and buildings are aflame; children weep over the bodies of their parents and parents cradle the bodies of their children and scream as if the sound is their only companion left in the world. The standing government has a point, the rebellion has a point, the civilians caught in the crossfire don’t say which point they agree with because they’re too busy screaming and perishing, and Qui-Gon is simply gone.

Obi-Wan, faced with the threat of further bloodshed right here and right now even as the air is still clogged with ash and flame and as another body topples from a rooftop in front of his feet, raises his hand in surrender and calmly proposes a truce, offering himself as a legal hostage against the government that brought the Jedi here.

Obi-Wan is led away with his hands bound behind his back and his lightsaber taken away, and though his face is calm, the furrow between is brow speaks of his inner turmoil, which sounds like tapping against the cracks in his heart and Qui-Gon, where is Master Qui-Gon, I don’t know what I’m doing, if I fail more people will die, if I fail it will be my fault, is this taking charge or stepping aside, am I a leader or a victim?

He spends not days, not weeks, but three standard months as a hostage. He spends a terrible amount of time sitting in a cell and pondering his uselessness, the gravity of his foolishness, but every time someone opens the door and escorts him out to hold parley with the leaders of the rebellion and the ministry of the planet, he holds his head high, tempers his fear, and speaks to them with all he has.

Which is honesty. Humility.

You don’t know what to do, he says. Neither do I.

We all know we must do something. No matter how much blood you spill and how much earth you scorch you will eventually come back here to this table to have this same discussion until either both of you are broken beyond belief or one of you has been crushed, and half your planet’s voice stolen away. And you will have sacrificed two of the Republic’s Jedi along the way, a black mark against whichever victor is left standing.

Or, he says, we choose to pass over the violence and talk here and now, and choose this again and again and again. You have already had your fighting. Your people are already hoping for negotiation.

Are you here for their sakes or to kill them for show?

He does not use these exact words.

He sews them into his brief speeches, hammers in the point sharply when he must, weaves the common thread over and over again.

He knows they fight while he is locked away.

But he believes, from the growing respect in the eyes of these people who hold him both by his and against his will, that he is making a difference. He must be.

And Obi-Wan is twenty-three, very very nearly twenty-four, when he finally walks free to witness the signing of a treaty like this planet has never had before, to witness the formation of a new government, and he discovers not ashes and mass graves when he sees daylight for the first time in three months — but instead, a city and a planet marred only by scattered battlefields, and marked more clearly by the way its people have fought to keep it clean, to keep it safe.

Children race through the streets, unafraid, because they have had real shelter during the war. It has not entered their homes since that first terrible day.

Neighbors from opposing sides of this fight and friends who staked no claim in this war mingle freely. Their smiles are a little hesitant, but they are there.

The dead are all honored equally.

It is leaps and bounds, it is a civilization that propelled itself through years of struggle in three months, and Obi-Wan is awed by them.

He knows it cannot be this way everywhere.

He knows that there will be wars where no one wants to surrender, or where one side will be so certain of their point of view that they would rather raise hell than cease, and he knows there will be people who resist them.

But today it is real.

Obi-Wan looks at his pale and clammy hands, the marks around his wrists where he was so often bound, and feels the way his limbs shake from months of too little sunlight, not quite enough food, and more than his share of fear and doubt and self-recrimination.

As he smiles for a camera that will record this moment forever, he glimpses Qui-Gon amongst the crowd.

Someone explains to him, when he asks, that his Master had been injured during the uprising and spent the first three weeks of Obi-Wan’s captivity in convalescence. The remaining time, he has spent on the sidelines, forced there by his Padawan’s actions. With Obi-Wan a willing hostage, playing negotiator and leverage both, Qui-Gon had no role except to mingle with the people, offer them comfort and aid.

Something Obi-Wan knows his Master loved, but — he had still stolen his Master’s role.

He had thrown himself into a stupid, foolish situation, and how many times had Qui-Gon teased him about playing damsel in distress? And here he has gone and surrendered of his own accord. What would Qui-Gon have done if Obi-Wan had led them all to ruin?

Obi-Wan slowly loses his confidence, his relief, his silver tongue, as the press and the people recede, and he and his Master walk to a room that has been prepared for both of them, as honored guests by this new government.

Qui-Gon says nothing to him.

They walk in silence for twelve minutes.

And then, as soon as the door has shut behind them, Obi-Wan finds himself pulled into a fierce embrace, one of his Master’s hands buried in his hair, Qui-Gon’s chin resting atop his head.

Obi-Wan hesitates.

Does his Master think him a child?

Perhaps Qui-Gon senses his thoughts, because the man pulls away briefly, still holding his Padawan by the shoulders, as if unwilling to let him go completely, else he vanish like smoke.

“Padawan,” Qui-Gon says, and his voice is loud and strong and brimming with warmth that washes over Obi-Wan like sunlight, like water, like an embrace. “Well done, my Padawan.”

And then he is pulled again into Qui-Gon’s comforting arms, and Obi-Wan breathes in and gives in, folding against his teacher like a child, and if a few tears stain Qui-Gon’s robes or drop into Obi-Wan’s hair, neither of them speaks of it.

Obi-Wan lets his Master hold him, lets go of fear and pride and doubt, and finds that he is safe.

~

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

What's your opinion on Padmé falling in love with Anakin while knowing that he killed a bunch of tuskin people and how he technically can't be in a committed relationship? Do you think it makes her an immature person or just someone who made the wrong choice?

Different anon:

Aaaah, I have a bit of a complicated relationship with Padmé. I dislike her as a character - as in, I don't particularly enjoy seeing her onscreen - but I try not to let that affect my opinion on her moral character. (I mean, I absolutely adore Dooku but I'm aware that he's a piece of shit, and I'm not really into the OT but I am aware that Luke and Leia are objectively shining beacons of goodness even if I'm not really interested in them.)

So since I kinda dislike her - again, based purely on personal taste, and I do genuinely recognize and appreciate her bravery or kindness even though I skip the Padmé-centric eps/scenes given the choice - I don't really think about her, or talk about her, except in the context of Anidala. (And that's because it's often brought up when talking about the Jedi Order, the one thing I'm much more interested in.)

Hence, I have to honestly say that I don't entirely know how she was intended to be understood. I do think at least some of the issues with the discrepancy between her morals and her behavior can be attributed to clumsy writing. If I had to go and hazard a guess as to how we were meant to see her behavior, it'd be blinded by love ('her judgement clouded by her emotions,' to use the appropriate Star Wars term), and somewhat selfish - but I certainly don't think Lucas meant for her to be a self-centered oblivious monster.

Regarding her telling Anakin he's breaking her heart, I disagree with the interpretation that it was because he was advocating for fascism now, and that was worse than what he'd done. I think it's simply that she was in complete denial up to that point - she didn't believe that he had killed the younglings, because she couldn't believe it (and she could still lie to herself about it because Anakin wasn't admitting to anything up to this point, just saying vague stuff about his powers and saving her). But then he says "I have brought peace to the Republic," and she just can't deny the truth any longer, and that's what makes her back and way and change her mind. It's not that fascism is worse than slaughter, it's that Anakin spewing bs is what opens her eyes, and so it's fascism and slaughter hitting her in the face at the same time.

The issue of the Tuskens is a more complicated one - though believe me, I have ripped into her often enough about it. But what are we meant to understand? That she takes Anakin at his word and thinks the Tuskens are indeed animals? That she just refuses to delve too deeply into the implications of Anakin's actions because she cares about him and she doesn't want to see his life ruined, and so she purposely blinds herself to reality?

I honestly don't know.

I don't know what we were meant to take away. I don't know how Lucas and Co wanted her to be read.

But if you're asking me how I read her...

My understanding of her marrying Anakin despite the rules is that she doesn't get the Order's rules, and so both her and Anakin convince themselves that What They Are Feeling Isn't Wrong (which, true, their love in and of itself isn't wrong) - when it's not the issue with their marriage. I think it was terribly near-sighted of her to marry him (in regard to her own career + the issues it raised regarding the Jedi's neutrality) and disrespectful to the Order as well (which again, I don't think she really understands). As Senator, she has some degree of power over them - so her flouting their rules and marrying one of their apprentices (not even a Knight) really rubs me the wrong way. She could have - should have - asked him to leave the Order for her, instead of accepting to live in secret, and he probably would have done it if she'd been the one asking. (And yeah, "but how could she ask that of him?" - well, Satine couldn't ask that of Obi-Wan so the two of them didn't get together - conundrum solved.)

Also, not disclosing such a connection to anyone - in the middle of a war - was beyond irresponsible. Irl, a high-profile member of government marrying a general during a full scale conflict and not telling anyone would get their asses in SO. MUCH. TROUBLE, and justly so. (And Padmé and Anakin's relationship ended up being a huge liability in the war on multiple occasions).

Her attachment to Anakin blinds her to who he is, to her duty, and to everything that truly matters. She is willing to overlook things she should never have let happen - like the whole situation with Clovis. Can you imagine the political shitshow that would have caused? You have the Senator of the planet the Chancellor is from manipulating her ex - the head of the neutral Banking Clans - with her current Jedi love - a member of the politically neutral Order the Senate oversees - shadowing them both and eventually beating the crap out of said ex. What would that look like? Are the Jedi influencing her? Is the Chancellor using her connection to Clovis? Is she the one influencing both the Order and the Banking Clans to profit her planet, with the approval of the Chancellor? We know it's not what's happening, but it could have led to a complete catastrophe, and she did nothing to safeguard herself against that.

Or when she traded Anakin for Grievous without telling anyone. That was a political nightmare as well, not to mention highly unethical.

So all in all, I don't know how much we were meant to criticize her for all of it, and how much we were meant to empathize with her. Since I personally don't like her, I had a hard time feeling sorry for her most of the time - except for when Anakin scares her or physically hurts her - but that's my own bias. I don't think she's a bad person - or at least, I don't think the worst implications of the way she was written were intentional. (Like how she waited eight months to tell Anakin she was pregnant, since RotS happens over a week max.)

I don't agree with bashing her, or tearing her character down completely, since I don't think that's what we were supposed to take away, but again I don't really know. But to sum it up: to me, Anidala was a gigantic mistake on many different levels, for many more reasons than just Anakin being a Jedi.