#nurse get her she's writing meta again

[shinysobi]

the kiss (aka that one scene) and subsequently—

*spoilers for bridgerton s3*

ahem...this might be a bit indelicate? Let us think about who Colin is, at his core. he is a dreamer. he's sweet, he's kind to a fault, and he's also the Bridgerton brother most likely to have ao3 in the 21st century.

Penelope asks for a kiss, and Colin cannot deny her that. so much of their relationship is evinced by the fact that they cannot deny each other anything, even if it is at the expense of their own well-being. Penelope has never once voiced her feelings for Colin because she is aware that he would never see her in such a light, and mostly because, she does not think that her feelings are his business. In the books and in the show, Penelope has never voiced her crush.

So, when she's facing the very real prospects of remaining a spinster and firmly under the influence of her mother and sister (Prudence, especially, I don't really think Phillipa would be that bad) she makes a choice to ask the love of her life, mind you, the one man she had always felt safe with, to kiss her. She is waving goodbye to the dreams of being married, finding a place of her own in a world where a woman had no value if they were not attached in matrimony to a man. Yes, it seems pathetic, yes, it seems desperate. It is. It is desperate. Penelope is desperate at this moment, and she is reckless, but she is not pathetic. She wants to be kissed, and she asks for it, it is a moment where we see a woman exercise agency for the first time in her life. Feelings are so very rarely black or white, and so is this scene; on one hand, you feel wronged and angry at the fact that Penelope is pleading for a kiss, on the other, you empathize with her situation and where she is coming from. She wants this moment, and who better to ask from, than her best friend? Colin has always, always been there for her, and she has been there for him. They know each other the best, she has had the privilege of being able to love him. She wants love, and she has it in her hands at this moment, a fleeting, transient glimpse into what her life could be if she were someone else. This is the moment when Penelope Featherington's dreams are well and truly shattered.

And that same kiss turns Colin's world on its axis. It is so wonderful to see on screen how the same action can have two entirely opposite, but just as important effects on people. Colin has always loved Penelope. This is not even a discussion. He took action on behalf of her family (on behalf of her, really) when he found out about her cousin's schemes. He gives Cressida the cut direct when she humiliates Penelope in front of him. He seeks her out at every social assembly. He has always looked out for her and has always loved her. But all this is platonic. He has never felt a physical connection with her, because neither of them has had the chance to explore that avenue. Neither Colin nor Penelope are aware of their latent attraction to each other. For Penelope, it is because she has never been allowed to feel a physical connection with anyone, and Colin because he has never thought of pursuing a physical connection with Penelope. It is their kiss that ultimately awakens that connection in Colin, and by connection, Penelope asking Colin for a kiss is what puts the wheels in motion.

Which brings me to the first paragraph. Colin is the sweetest boy in the Bridgerton family (Gregory I love you, but nine children? Get off that woman, immediately). When he realizes that he likes Penelope, and loves her romantically, what does he do? He internalizes it like he does everything else. So much of Colin's character arc, both in the book and in the show is about him internalizing everything. He refuses to voice his own feelings if they make other people uncomfortable, much to the detriment of his own mental health. After being deceived in the first season, he removes himself from London because he cannot bear to stay in the city anymore, not when he is reminded of how naive and stupid he was, every moment. It is also important to realize that Colin has been viewed as the naive, soft-hearted brother, by everyone else. When he gets engaged in season 1, Anthony, his big brother, the example he is supposed to follow, tells him that he should have taken Colin to brothels and accuses him of getting married to have sex. In season two, Penelope, an outsider, is the only person who gives a damn about his thoughts. His own family refuses to listen to him, and what does he do when he returns a second time? He tells them, "I shall not bore you with the details". He knows, no one essentially gives a shit. This is why, when he comes to the knowledge of the full breadth of his feelings for Penelope, he internalizes so hard he dreams of her. And this is not an indelicate dream. He does not dream of taking her in the back of a carriage or on his yellow sheets, he dreams of her returning his feelings. He is yet unaware of the extent of Penelope's feelings toward him, but he knows he should not force his feelings onto her, and that is why he dreams of her.

I could go on and on about why Colin is the best Bridgerton brother (Gregory, nine children) but it will take up a lot of space, so I shall keep it brief: (in the show) Anthony almost marries Edwina, a girl who is what, thirteen(?) twelve (?) years younger than him, a girl who has no safety net outside of her sister and her mother, her sister whom Anthony was in love with, and refused to confront his feelings for. Literally, no one forced Anthony to propose to Edwina, he went down on one knee while being aware of his feelings for her older sister. Kate would have been content with relinquishing her younger sister to a marriage where she loved someone who would forever love another. Imagine if Anthony had married Edwina as he intended. Do you think, for even a second, that he would look at her face and not be reminded of Kate? Not to mention neither of them took action till the very last second, and Edwina, a bystander, was forced to ruin herself. Half the reason why she married abroad is the fact that not a single person in London would have married her (headcanon: she marries the Prince, fuck you, Anthony) when she was very publicly denigrated as the Viscount Bridgerton's cast-off. Yes, the Queen's favor saves Anthony and Kate's marriage from scandal, but it also saves Edwina, it saves her from further public embarrassment and scrutiny by a ton that not only views her as an outsider but also envies her for securing the title of the Season's Diamond. (Book)Benedict forces a woman from a servant class to be his mistress while he searches for the girl he fancied to be the love of his life. I'm sorry, there's no coming back from that. Colin gets angry when he is aware of who Lady Whistledown is, but his anger is not directed at Penelope herself. It is directed at her lack of thought for her own safety. Colin puts Penelope's safety and reputation over everything. In the carriage scene, he steps back as soon as he hears the words "but we are friends" from her mouth; he takes it as a sign, that this is Penelope telling him I don't have feelings for you, and he is happy to respect her wishes. Colin would have never voiced his feelings a second time if she had rebuffed him then, he would have been happy to remove himself from Society and spend his days on the Continent, writing in his journals. So much of both Penelope and Colin is them learning to voice their wants and desires and fuck, it's the most beautiful thing to watch as it comes to life on my screen.

[wrinkly-fucking-qtip]

Gallavich Headcanon (almost a meta): Ian and Mickey befriend a Hispanic old lady with a family-owned flower shop [Pt. 1/3]

So I created these scenarios in my head... if someone wants to write a fic about it, better than I could. But, after receiving that awful treatment from the old lady at the shop in 10x11, I believe Ian and Mickey (especially Mickey) deserve a nice old lady that sells flowers and just... bonds with them y'know?

I don't have it all figured out, but they're at Southside again at this point. I'm part of the club that believes they don't stay in the west side forever. In my head (fuck the felony) Ian is either nurse, EMT again, whatever, something in that area, not working with Mick anymore. Although, Mick's business is thriving so much cause our boy gots the smarts for business.

Basically, it's Mick going in this shop, defenses a little high up. He no longer cares that much if people in the Southside are blatantly homophobic, like, it takes a while now to ruffle his feathers with beautiful wisdom coming down on him. But y'know, something about old ladies in a flower shop, am I right? He's buying flowers for Ian (part of some stupid dynamic or inside joke, don't know, but he's being traditionally husbandly right now) and he's looking for bright candid ones, warm colors, as warm as his ginger husband.

The old lady catches sight of him, and with this very thick Puerto Rican accent trying to dance around a broken English, she just greets him and asks him if he's looking for anything in particular. Mick... loosens up? Not much... but he feels it. She seems warm, safe. Nice. He just mentions "warm toned flowers," something fiery, but delicate. Pretty. He mindlessly points at the color of a table top close to them. Important to know that he uses his left hand, so that ring is oh-so visible.

She goes something along the lines of "Oh! You buy something for your señora? Esto, the wife?" I will forever die on the hill that Mickey does know Spanish, not that the lady knows this, but, y'know, she's Hispanic, some Spanish words go along the way. He looks at his ring and considers if he should say.

"No, uh, husband- actually."

This old lady doesn't light up, but she doesn't react badly... just... carries the conversation as if the sky continues to look blue. "Ohh! Ok, ok, show me picture then! I can make suggestion if I see what he look like, or what he dress like." And she sounds earnest, which, frankly, took him aback. Mickey kind of eyes her questioningly, perhaps she runs with a user persona? Mix match appearance with potential products?

Anyway, he proceeds, shows him a selfie with him, and a mid shot he took without Ian knowing. She eyes the pics for a few seconds and she just excitedly raises her voice, Mick still trying to get adjusted to it all, she tells him she understands why the warm colors and stuff, cause this husband is a ginger. She walks him through the selections and he ends up picking a bouquet, one along the lines of a warm cinnamon spice.

They have a lovely goodbye exchange, Mick still somewhat serious but kind, this old lady oozes warmth. She invites him to come back whenever, maybe even bring the husband along. He nods goodbye. He tells Ian all about it, surprising him first obviously, but he shares this... odd interaction he had today... and how... nice? It felt?? He's still trying to figure it out... Ian thanks him for the flowers, they have a lovely evening together. Life is good he thinks, perhaps.

.

It's Ian's turn now, he just has to meet this old lady. He goes in, and he finds the place, the old lady is behind the counter, so she has sight towards the door. She greets him, and he has the pleasure to hear her accent. And she's just so bubbly, he comes to her, trying to bite down a grin. Ian, not being much about the flower guy, yet (but loves receiving them 🙄) he asks for the stargazer lillies, the lady puts a dramatically sad face and tells him she's out of stock, as soon as the came, they left.

A little disappointed, ofc, but he still goes and asks for other options similar. Ian has his hands on his pockets, but the lady asks "what's the occasion?" And he says, "Husband" and with a stammer "Um, Mickey? You might've- uh... Met him? A week back...? Black hair, blue eyes... Short?" The lady is truly trying to recall, and then she brightens up. Not only cause she remembered Mick, but because she just realized he's the guy in the pic! And oh how she glees.

She walks through the options, he buys a bouquet, gains a lovely interaction, and he finally understands Mick when he says something about this old lady just feels... warm... at ease.

This wouldn't be the last time they visit.

And they actually gather quite the like to her.

[evansboyfrend]

I would have loved it if Bucks whole sponsor storyline had more emotional impact than just "buck is ready for kids but is hamster wheeling his relationships" - the connect between feeling like a spare parts kid, KNOWING that he wasn't actually wanted, and knowing that Connor and Kameron(?) wanted him (sort of), could have been explored with more nuance and it would have been so 🤩🤩🤩.

Tbh even just how Buck feels about his body - from hurting himself for attention and using sex to avoid intimacy and THEN learning that he's a donor sibling for a dead brother - and then learning he's queer - all of it is so specific to how buck feels about his body as a whole and it would have made such an awesome storyline

that's what i've been saying! i personally love the sperm donor storyline because it happens after he learns he was made for spare parts and he CHOOSES to donate some spare parts to his friend so they can start their own family - it's about the CHOICE - even though we see him struggling with it. s6 was such an interesting season for buck's development because we see him struggling with not being chosen for interim captain, asking bobby "you don't think i'm at ease?" and asking hen "what do you think it is, the secret to happiness?" and then reminiscing about his adventures, choosing to be a sperm donor for connor and kameron, the coma dream full of lessons and affirmations, and trying to deal with the aftermath of his temporary death. hands down fave buck season. they messed it up by trying to get him with natalia (because the show was not being renewed and we can't have people end up single? the horror!) and bringing back kameron to crash at his flat as if she doesn't have anyone else to go to...? fucking bizarre choices. 6b suffered from the impending doom lmao.

anyway! sometimes canon only gives us half a story and we have to dig a little deeper and use the source material to do our meta analyses and try to understand what it says about our favourite character. and i'm really hoping to see buck being confident and settled in s8, even if he's dealing with the fuckery at his workplace, i want to see that he's in a good place in his relationship with tommy, that they're good together, they're still communicating and being open and there's no bullshit like jealousy and exes and cheating and all that cheap drama crap lmao. i want to see buck who makes choices for himself as his own person and what that means for his relationship with tommy.

and while i'm here, because i've talked about wanting madney to have another baby, and i see people say "but it was so bad the first time with the postpartum syndrome etc etc" and once again i want to see maddie CHOOSE to get pregnant again - it's about the CHOICE - i want to see her say yes i want to do this, i've been through it before, and i learned a lot, i healed a lot, and i can do this with the support of my husband and a therapist and a local group for expecting or new mothers.. because the first time around: it was a surprise pregnancy, and she had thyroid problems that no doctor had apparently thought to check? or her having her nursing background? (that SL has some issues for me personally because i know it was done due to actress unavailability lol, i would have done a better job with it no offence) and because this is a fictional show, we can write characters who go through a second pregnancy as a healing experience - something that is hard to do IRL cause life is unpredictable, you know? i wouldn't advocate this for a real life woman is what i'm trying to say but maddie is ficitonal and i can make her have positive experiences. anyway!

excited to see my beloved buckleys in s8 <3

[cali-kabi]

~ hiya meet Marcy the magic space cotton candy chinchilla 🌟💫🍭she’s the twin sister of Elfilin. Have some lore info about her She escape the labs of the forgotten land thanks to Elfilin. Unlike Elfilin she has goodness all in her, also can create portals but doesn’t feel drained out in anyway. But Elfilin doesn’t due to his other half. When the people wanted to do experiments plan on Marcy, Elfilin overheard this and decided to plan an escape. The escape plan went awry unfortunately, Elfilin’s evil other half attacked Marcy and tried to fuse to Elfilin to become one again but that didn’t happen. The chinchilla siblings ran flew away as far they possibly can. Elfilin uses some of his power to created a portal to escape to another dimension right before Marcy went in, Elfilin got captured by the people again and said to his sister “ Marcy I want you to escape here and have a better life, I don’t want you to spend it in a lab! don’t worry about me I’ll be fine and find my way out. I don’t want those awful scientists to hurt you please go!!” Marcy shed into tears went through the portal it took her to Chiffon Star. She was asleep when Princess Marona found her. Marona nurse her back to health and decided to adopt her. Marcy was so happy to make a new friend she was so shy at the start but she isn’t now. During her first week at Chiffon Star, Marcy still thinks about Elfilin and how he’s been doing, has he escape yet? Why he has a other half that’s evil and got split separated? Elfilin and Marcy don’t know much about the other half and why it’s evil. There’s so many unanswered questions. The siblings will overcome them :0 okie that’s enough lore for now I think I might write in my A03 about how they ended up in the labs in the first place. Oh yeah they do reunite in the future after the events of Kirby and the Forgotten Land :,D have a few facts before I go I don’t know how my head is full of headcanons and stuff so late at 1 am ;w; like I said before Marcy can make portals anytime and not lose any energy power within her. She sometimes visits other dimensions just for fun. Marcy met Meta Knight before Kirby cuz Marona knew him, sometimes Meta Knight visits Chiffon Star to get desserts sweets. That’s how he met Marcy hehe hope y’all enjoyed reading this💖🌟🍭

[encrucijada]

PÍA RAMBLES #8

you might have seen this post or this wip intro. i'm here to talk about this book because i think it's really cool @teddywriting and i wrote almost 40k words by simply playing dolls with our ocs.

(yes i will be using screencaps of before sunrise, 1995 for any and all subsequent updates regarding this project thank you very much)

what's weird about this book in particular is that, despite maripaz and theo taking up way too much space in my brain, it's also incredibly hard to talk about them?? i know every single detail about them down to what they might order to eat at a mcdonald's, and yet i feel no one outside from teddy and i really knows these characters. their lore is weird and a bit convoluted and explaining it feels like i'm trying to explain the plot of a television show with like 18 seasons of character development you just had to be there to witness to understand even a fraction of it.

but first some basics about the actual book

title: babylon boy (book 1 of the home habitat duology)

genre: literary fiction

category: i say adult because there will be no censoring of topics but in this first installment our protagonists are around eighteen years old. you might consider that ya but i wouldn't

a small summary: having independently run away from home for their own reasons, theo and maripaz meet while homeless on the streets and form an alliance of convenience to survive. while theo vehemently denies the drug addiction he’s nursing, maripaz tries to deal with the way both want and revulsion seem to exist in her at the same time. falling in love is probably the easiest thing they do.

teddy and i are co-authoring, as in we both write the words. they will be primarily working on theo's chapters and i will be primarily working on maripaz's chapters but we'll both be involved in fully crafting this story.

talking about your book is hard when all that happens in it is character work so even whether someone gets sick at one point feels like a spoiler you want people to be surprised by.

we created mari and theo in 2020 on a whim. i can't even remember what prompted it exactly. we wanted a new pair of characters to play with and we decided to make two assholes to bicker and be mean to each other. this iteration saw three reincarnations before we put the characters on the shelf and almost resigned ourselves to them being a miss... if not for one important detail... i really, really believed they should have kissed. this first version of them would eventually be known as the homeless au.

looking back it's Wild thinking about how different mari and theo used to be. we moved onto new aus to play around with, landing on a superhero-type beat that became their new canon for a while. we had fantasy and sci-fi and musicians and hadestown and the raven cycle (that last one did so much for us it's insane). every new thing we tried shaped them more and more until they were unrecognisable from their original versions. one day i really want to go through their threads from start to finish and look at that change in real time.

there was a new thesis to their characters and it was no longer "what if two awful guys with issues were forced together and tried to bite each other's heads off". instead we were looking at two characters that through every new incarnation became more sincere and gentle. they had meta-narrative character development.

(every new au also gave us more characters to populate the world including but not limited to theo's twin sister, maripaz's seven siblings, alex, philip, a whole lot of parental figures, a quirky cast of friends... but i'll talk about them some other time)

then i did it again. in the 2.0 version of the homeless au there was one scene i loved beyond words where an argument between our two protagonists resulted in maripaz punching theo right on the mouth. when she tried to swing a second time he stopped her hand and warned her that if she wanted to hit him he would hit back. they fought and the scene ended. i said to teddy: they should have kissed. we laughed and imagined how homeless au would go now that their characters had changed so much. we started thinking about it more and more until we were moving the pieces of their cinematic universe around to fit this new idea... and suddenly we had plot for a book that would revamp that original homeless au... and a sequel too! (but more on that second one another time)

teddy started a rp thread of what came right after the opening scene of babylon boy, where theo and maripaz would shoplift and he would steal the angel necklace she wore (<- this is important)... and we just kept going... and going. we'd already had a few keys scenes to work towards, one those being that punching scene that started it all, as well as the ending. teddy added two new scenes we began calling the halo scene and the church scene, and we moved something we called the pool scene into this book from another au. we just had to fill in the blanks... fill in the blanks we did.

these right here are the names i gave each individual thread of the roleplay-ification of babylon boy. their purpose is not so much to be chapter titles but to make specific scenes easy to find for future reference. though obviously i had to be a bit artistic about it.

i don't know if babylon boy will have chapter titles, and if they will have some sort of theme going on (usually i like just putting two words together to create some imagery). "angel face" is probably what i would title chapter 1, but i also hesitate on that decision because i think i would like to save angel for later.

these threads are less of a draft and more the skeleton of a draft, that's why i called it a draft 0. its purpose is to give teddy and i direction and reading through them i already know how i want to shift the timeline and how i'd rewrite some of the scenes to make them a lot better, but it did give us a great cause and effect look of things. the way teddy and i approach our roleplay threads is more loose than what i do with @on-the-river-lethe (with whom i'm currently roleplaying draft 1 of our book lupine trail and also a giant hunger games au). fluffy and i write responses between 1k-4k words, they are basically chapters. teddy and i instead do a quick call and response, mostly focused on dialogue, we build on top of each other and neither of us really knows where a thread will go when we start.

there are no actual non-roleplay words written for babylon boy thus far. teddy is in charge of chapter 1 as we open with theo's pov but we are both busy or focused on other things. right now we're enjoying the playing around stage of the process (which i don't see going away even once we start seriously writing, i know for a fact we'll probably do various roleplay-type passes to babylon boy).

you've probably noticed the christian imagery is rampant here. it happened kind of by accident and the already mentioned halo scene is entirely to blame for it. like i said, teddy and i have this very "yes, and," approach to storytelling together where we kinda build on top of what the other puts down. teddy gave me the description of one (1) scene where theo sees a halo of light around maripaz's head and i decided "well, this is now i thing that is here to stay". church scene really brought it all together and there is a scene in book 2 adeptly nicknamed the angel scene that is kind of the culmination of this.

the imagery is almost exclusive to theo's pov as mari is more the subject of the imagery than the one pushing it forward. teddy and i will be doing our most to fill this book with visuals: characters lined with stained glass windows, lights shaped like hearts, signs and graffiti that say meaningful stuff.

babylon boy, as the title suggests, is more theo's book. both he and maripaz have meaningful arcs but theo's is really at the core of it, mari takes centre stage in book 2 (titled gossamer girl). i think i talked about this somewhere before but the titles just kind of... happened. gossamer was relevant for that superhero au and it's just a word i really adore so i wanted to use it on the title. you can't go wrong with alliteration so gossamer girl it is. and because i love when books in a series match i had to do something with boy. like gossamer i adore babylon for some reason, and so we got babylon boy. i wasn't sure about that one because while gossamer girl made sense with the theme, what did "babylon boy" even mean, exactly? teddy came in clutch and analysed the title for me. they connected it to theo's drug addiction and now i can't think of any two titles that are more perfect for this series.

like i said, there are no actual words written for this book so sadly i cannot share any excerpts. but i will share

Festival was very much the result of teddy and i having just watched before sunrise, 1995

we watched before sunrise, 1995 because the mannerisms of the two leads reek of maripaz and theo

"until a miracle happens" became a recurring thing said in the draft and it wrecked me

Our Fears is probably my favourite thread both thematically and visually. followed closely by Church Angels, though that one is mostly visually

The Pool is the longest thread with about 90 responses and all of it is beautiful. i would probably consider it the companion to Our Fears

"mutual pining they're both just idiots"

the closing image is probably my favourite one of the book

the core themes are very much trust, love, and communal help. we've got such an array of npcs who simply... help. i love the human race.

i'll probably do another update before we start properly writing talking about maripaz and theo as characters specifically. a bit of a crash course on who they are, really.

anyway. i'm giving you a golden star if you read all of that ⭐ do ask me or teddy about this story!! we'd be happy to talk about it. or even just about the characters.

cheers, pía

[nikkiruncks]

Since I wrote a meta like for Formciotti, I thought it'd only be fair I write one for Zenmasters too.

Once again, I love Zenmasters, but I’m not gonna pretend they’re this healthy and loving relationship that I aspire to have.

1. You feel invalidated

(When speaking to the person, you may feel as if your opinions are not accepted, so you do not feel you can share your true thoughts with them.

They may dismiss your perception of reality and suggest your perceptions are wrong and cannot be trusted.

Whenever you share your wants and needs, they may dismiss them or claim you are being ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too emotional’, so you may choose to keep these wants and needs to yourself.)

Hyde has outright refused to have important and meaningful conversations, even going as far as to make Jackie agree not to talk about their future.

Also, when Jackie expresses her anger and hurt towards Hyde for leaving her hanging in Winter, Hyde literally outright says that Jackie was overreacting.

2. They have unrealistic expectations

Now this, I don’t think completely fits. While Jackie wanting to get married at 18 is a little weird, it was also the 70s, so I’m pretty sure that was a common thing.

Jackie did have these expectations and idealistic views on Hyde in late s2- early s3, while also trying to get him to go out with her and ignoring his uncomfortableness.

Also Hyde expecting Jackie to not talk about their future in late s7, even though she was finishing high school and about to start a life, is weird. She may have agreed to it, but that was probably because she didn’t them to breakup again.

3. You feel put down

I don’t know if that was ever the case with JH.

4. You feel manipulated

I don’t think Jackie ever felt that way with Hyde, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was angry about him continuing to bring up the “got off my boyfriend” shit for two months only to cheat on her with a nurse and punish her for not forgiving him right away.

5. You feel controlled

Idk if this counts, but Hyde making Jackie feel like she shouldn’t talk about their future and her not being to hang out with Kelso even as a friend because of something that happened two months ago.

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 2 Eps 15, 16 & 17

Season 2 is such a fascinating era for Chenford, especially post-DOD and with the Rachel subplot. I'll be honest, I never hated Rachel. So, forgive me if I'm a little nicer to her than I am Ashley/Chris AKA Season 4's Obstacles of Awful.

SPOILER ALERT: If you are spoiler-averse, you are Rachel Meta-averse, as well. I will spoil the entirety of these episodes, as well as anything that has come before. I do try to write these without foreknowledge, though.

I'll be honest, the first two episodes here make me super uncomfortable. See, I'm a former journalist, so that one gets under my skin. And then the other with the medical stuff is tough, too, for someone with a fun list of issues.

Everyone squared away? Huzzah! Let's dive in together.

"Hand-Off" AKA Go Back to Mayberry

"What exactly is being assessed?" "Occupational integrity. From how we maintain our equipment to the upkeep of all of our certifications."

Lucy directs her question at Grey, but I do like how Tim jumps in here. His Rookie asked a question, and he's actually answering it instead of making Lucy jump through sixteen hoops to figure it out herself.

"So, are you nervous about meeting Rachel's dad?" "Please." "It's gotta be a tick nerve-wracking. Rachel adores her dad." "And he's gonna love me. Colin was a sheriff for 30 years." "Yeah, in a town with two stoplights." "LA or Mayberry, cop's a cop."

First off, I have to say I love seeing Tim's confidence, but I'm torn because it stems from his position as a cop.

That's Tim's default. He leans into his profession, using that as a measure of his worth while completely missing his value as a human being.

And, yes, there are a lot of reasons for that (that Season 2 Rachel wouldn't know), but future Rachel wants to give Tim a big hug, take him out for a beer, and explain to him that while he is a great cop, he's also a great human.

"No, he's from Sweet Home, not Mayberry." "No, I know. It's Mayberry, like the TV show." "What TV show?" "Nevermind."

That. Hurts. Me. Look, I know I'm getting older, and I'm much closer to Tim's age than Lucy's, so this moment hurt me. Ouch. I need to go adjust my dentures and invest in prune juice.

These young folks are carting me off to the Nursing Home so I can watch TV in black-and-white with a nostalgic smile on my face.

Also, it makes sense that Tim would invest in a show like that—a cop who loves his son. Someday that'll be you, Timmy, my boy.

"Lopez and her TO were first on the scene. Officer Rowland died in her arms." "That's awful. Ten years ago, Lopez would have been a Rookie." "It was her first shift."

It wasn't Lucy's first shift when she was tugging a shot, bleeding Tim out of the line of fire, but it was close. Coming into this job, there's no guarantee that your introduction will be smooth.

But Lucy also remembers what it was like with Tim... and while she might have imagined it going the other way, Lopez lived it on Day 1.

As I've said before, there but for the grace of God go I.

"So, have you decided where you're taking Rachel's dad for dinner?"

Lucy has this knack of getting Tim to talk personal stuff in the Shop. Yes, I know they both know Rachel (since Lucy set them up), but it's still a breach in protocol for TO Tim. Love it.

Look, these two aren't anywhere near ready to shack up in a hotel all night testing the stability of the earthquake protection systems. But, I love how Lucy draws him out.

Once she talked about someone liking him and he cut her off with a reminder that he was married and saying they don't talk about that.

Now, neither of those statements is true. Tim's dating, again, and he's talking to Lucy all about it.

"Auto burglary cases have a 0.02% solve rate. How is failing to recover her Dad's suitcase my best foot forward?"

They were actually kinda cordial before that, falling into a rhythm that's closer to their Season 3 banter.

But, now Tim's worried he's going to start off on the wrong foot, so, in the words of Marlin the Clown Fish, "Good feeling gone."

"Smokehouse. I love their bread."

Is this where the world-famous Twitter Crumb-o-Meter came from? I could believe it!

"Look at you in that uniform." "It's so good to see you, again."

It's so bloody nice to have someone in Lucy's circle support her who is in the same age-range as her parents. It's a shame he lives so far away.

"Sir, why don't you climb in the Shop? We'll drive around, do some hunting. See if we get lucky."

Yikes, Rachel's dad is coming in with some bark. He does NOT like what he's seeing in Tim Bradford, for whatever reason, and he's giving him grief. And it sucks to see Tim's confidence deflate so swiftly.

Like, I'm fine with him ending up with Rachel. *ducks* I know someone just threw a shoe at their screen. I hope it didn't break!

But, hear me out. Chenford at this point is a fantasy, a hope, a wish. In the grand scheme of ships, we're only 2 seasons in, and there's plenty of time to change direction.

Would I prefer for Tim and Lucy to get together? Hell, yeah. That's the Endgame dream, right? But most of the time when shows set up a "placeholder character", I hate them. I can't wait to get them off my screen.

Rachel's a decent, kind, hard-working, heart-filled human who really does like Tim Bradford very much. At a time when he's just easing back into the dating scene (well... Tim kinda dove in head-first, if you know what I mean), she's fairly easy-going.

Also, we share a name. And I like 90% of Rachels. (Yes, there is one exception. Yes, I've given her many chances over the last two decades to change my opinion... not yet).

A far as Tim and Rachel goes, let's see how it plays out, yeah?

FAST FORWARD: YES, future Rachel knows how this plays out. But I write these as though I'm watching them for the first time! Part of the rules! ... Please stop throwing shoes at me. I can almost feel my own screen shaking from the impact.

Back in the scene, I can't keep my eyes off of Lucy, because Melissa O'Neil is crushing her reaction game in this scene. I laughed every four seconds because of her.

"I know. But try and stay positive, okay?" *arm tap*

Yes, Lucy got this into this mess. But she was trying to be helpful. And while she is very aware of the tension here, Lucy always has that can-do, positive attitude that tries to lighten Tim's grump.

And the fact that she's retained that brightness post-DOD says a lot about her as a person. Lucy is resilient, yes. But also determined not to lose that part of herself.

It'd be easy to let trauma swallow it... but she chooses each day to reclaim who she is, to never let the bastard win, even in death. What a fuckin' inspiration.

"The thing is, if he's smart, he hit as many cars as he could in 10 minutes and then jumped on the freeway. He could be in Barstow by now."

Lucy with the assist! Again, Tim and Lucy are in friend-mode, so she is trying to help him with Rachel's dad, who she knows.

But it ain't helping.

"Look, clearly you're a good cop." "I appreciate that." "Dedicated, selfless, and takes pride in his work. A little sphinctered, maybe, but that can be good, too. Just not for my daughter."

Ouch. So much ouch. And, look, my Dad was never a fan of any of the guys I dated. He even told me when we were preparing for my wedding that "Matt's the one I disliked the least".

Yes, he loves Matt. This is one of the dangers of having an ex-stand-up comedian for a Dad. Never feed him a straight line.

But, oof, Rachel's Dad's being a little tough, right? Right? Stay tuned...

"I'm so proud of you." "Thank you."

Lucy needs that more. I mean, can you imagine how much she wants to hear these words from her own father? To know that her family accepts and loves her and supports her? That's the dream, right?

And, you absolutely can lead a fulfilling, beautiful life without the approval of your parents. Tragically, too many parents cut their children off for not meeting a certain list of expectations. Lucy's parents are about a thread away from that.

But she wants them to be proud of her. It would be nice, ya know?

And, I get it. You leave that door open to them, hoping that one day they'll knock and be ready for a real relationship. But, in the meantime, you have to keep living. And that's what Lucy's doing.

"What are you talking about?" "Uh, I thought she had told you." "Told me what." "Rachel may have Huntington's Disease. It's a fatal genetic disorder. "

Oh. Suddenly it all comes together, and it all makes sense. This is why he's been so hard on Tim, so tough on him, coming at him from every angle to distance them.

"But she may not have it."

Is that hope, Tim Bradford? Or more confidence in the science knowing it might not've been passed down? Either way, I appreciate Tim taking the opposite position where Rachel's father is waiting for the perceived inevitable.

You can't live your life based on a "maybe", yes. But ignoring it entirely might not be the best answer, either. It depends on the person.

My grandmother (mi abuela) died of small cell lung cancer. She went from diagnosis to death in 2 weeks. It was fast. It was sudden. It was heartbreaking.

My employer at the time told me to take my laptop and stay at the hospital with my Dad while I worked so I could be there for him, help walk him through losing his mother. "I trust you," she said. I'll never forget that.

Mima and her last living sister (my tia) spoke on the phone one last time, about a week before she passed. Neither mentioned to the other... they both had cancer. Neither told the other. We didn't tell them, either. Not until she passed.

And, oh, what a tough decision. But that meant their last conversation was filled with joy, love, and light. And for Mima, I think that's what she needed.

So... it depends on the person, I think. I'm not really here to judge.

That said, if you're dating someone, and this is a possibility, I think it's definitely something to discuss if you're see a future together. But, that's just me.

"... if the worst comes to pass, Rachel's gonna need someone who'll put everything else aside just to care for her. And we both know that's not you."

This pissed me off. Because, we all saw Tim with Isabel, and this guy didn't. We saw what he was willing to do to save Lucy from Caleb, and this guy didn't. He's making assumptions about a man he barely knows, and that pisses me off.

Yes, I hear his point. But he's allowing perception to color perspective. If he got to know this man—Tim Bradford—instead of jumping to conclusions, he might see a different picture.

"You had no idea Rachel might have it?" "No. She never told me."

I have such mixed feelings about this. Tim should not have shared his girlfriend's medical information with his Rookie. At all.

But the fact that he did is fascinating, and yet another step toward them growing closer.

But, Tim really shouldn't have said anything.

"We should go talk." "No, we shouldn't. This is none of your business."

If it's none of his business, truly, then this relationship may not have a future.

Look, it is her call to share or not share her medical history and information. Absolutely. But blind-siding Tim ten years down the road and giving him no time to prepare mentally and emotionally is a bad look.

Again, it's just my opinion. And Tim and Rachel aren't walking down the aisle, yet, so there would be plenty of time to address it before then. But, I do think it would be better to be honest upfront.

It's the first (but not last) time that someone in a couple on this show conceals medical information pertinent to the relationship.

And, honestly I'm more understanding about this one than that one simply because these two are dating, haven't yet moved in together, or talked next steps, and there's still an easy out.

Tim and Lucy look to one another as Rachel leaves, and I feel the air of partnership between them. It's them against the world, sometimes. And their bond is only growing stronger with the passage of time.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Tim doesn't scare easily, so he's not running from this. Just like we knew. We know who Tim is, and he loves deeply and completely.

He invests in relationships with everything in him, partly from a desire to be known and loved, and partly because he wishes that's what his father did with his mother.

Yes, spoiler alert, but I'm not saying too much, I don't think.

And I totally support her not wanting to know. Because she doesn't want to live her life around something that might not come. She wants to live freely. And isn't that all any of us want? Yeah.

"The Overnight" AKA Do Android Cops Dream of Electric Sheep?

The Canadian Idol Goes American

Did she just? She... I... WHAT!?!?!

Rachel on her first viewing had no idea Melissa O'Neil was Canadian Idol's Season 3 winner. Her singing was beautiful in the barrel. But this was a powerhouse vocal performance. Gee. Freakin' Whiz!!

How did we get so lucky to have this multi-talented performer as our Lucy? Wow.

One thing that really struct me about this performance was the joy that bubbled out of Lucy as she sang.

In the barrel, she sang as a source of comfort. Of strength. Of hope. She was dreaming the dream... that someone would find her.

Today, she's singing from a place of joy. The song bursts out of her, full-voices and strong. Lucy has reclaimed the joy of singing.

And while the convention might be a little forced... I love this moment. I love listening to her, watching her, and marveling at Melissa O'Neil's performance as a very layered character reclaiming her joy in front of us.

Powerful stuff.

"What are you doing in here?"

Tim bringing her back to earth as they try to pass her a Golden Ticket. And Lucy goes to him. Because, much as Lucy is an incredible singer, police work is her heart.

And I kinda love that message. Just because you excel at something doesn't mean it has to be your profession, or even your passion. Only you know your passion... so pursue that.

"Ever given blood before?" "Every 8 weeks, like clockwork." "Good for you." "Yeah, save lives. Get a personal oil change. It's win-win."

This is so Tim Bradford at his best. He likes organization and routine. But to choose the routine of donating blood to save lives? Oh, how beautiful!

"I didn't know machines had blood."

Nyla, I cackled aloud at that one. Well-played.

"You know the media will say or do anything to get you to back up their headline."

Oh, the stories I could tell. I started as an intern in a nationally broadcasted news room as 19. My first job was to watch 9/11 and Iraq War raw footage and mark the sections that were usable for broadcast.

I worked there a few years as a freelance Associate Producer after before determining I couldn't keep up with my full-time university schedule, my voice over job, and being called in randomly at 5AM for work after finishing class at Midnight. I was also a Student Teacher, at that point, and had papers to grade, lessons to plan, and lessons to teach.

Yes, Rachel has always been an overachiever.

After uni, I went to work at a local station. I was there a year and a half before I moved on because it was one of the most toxic places I've ever worked.

So, this episode makes me super uncomfortable because a lot of hit hits close to home.

This is not to say we should automatically distrust all journalists. But, I think a bit of skepticism is always a good place to start. They don't all have our best interests at heart.

"You shouldn't let him talk to you like that." "He's my Training Officer. That's just kind of his style."

Lucy really is accustomed to Tim at this point. And while I hear miss Journalist, Tim doesn't cross the line. Okay... Season 2 Tim doesn't cross the line. We can have words about Season 1 Tim in another Meta.

And Eric Winter's wife gets to check him out in-character. Yes, that's his beautiful, talented wife, Roselyn Sánchez!

She's built her own incredible career, and is currently on a television show, herself, in addition to the podcast these two share. Plus they have kids. IRL. Power. Couple.

I didn't know it the first time through. So, in case none of y'all knew either, now you know!

"I'm telling you, reporters always have an agenda." "To get the truth? Sounds horrible."

Lucy... you should listen to your husband on this one. I'm not saying all reporters are bad, but, speaking from experience, he's not entirely wrong.

"God, you don't trust anyone." "'Cause trust has to be earned."

Tim looks to Lucy, and she doesn't talk back. Because, that's not a bad way to live. And she knows he trusts her.

Look, you might think I'm quick to trust because of what I share here. When I tell you that's barely scratching the surface of my life, I mean it.

In this space, I get to control what I share and what I don't. But, if you get to know me and become a real part of my life, I'll definitely give you more. But, I need to build that trust, first.

And a default of not trusting journalists who want something out of you isn't a bad one. Just sayin'.

"He's not gonna make it. Animal Control's 10 minutes out. EMT's won't step foot in here until that snake's been neutralized."

Tim says it so matter-of-factly. He can accept it, but Lucy can't.

"You can't kill it." "What the hell are we supposed to do with it? Snuggle?"

Oh. My. Gosh. I so hope Lucy bought him a stuffed snake and had Rachel sneak it into his bed (and took pictures when he found it) because that would be hilarious.

Seriously, I watch this scene over and over just for that line and die laughing every time.

"Boot! Don't be a hero. It's venomous."

Clever girl. As she steps into the garage, she looks back to Tim with her, "I'm gonna do this" look. He answers with his, "I don't like this but I'm not stopping you" look. And I'm sitting here marveling at Eric Winter and Melissa O'Neil communicating so much with just .25 seconds of screentime each on that.

Tim is anxious the entire time. But he knows enough to stay out of her way, sometimes. He knows she's tough, and he knows she's capable.

"What are you doing?" "I'm texting Tim. I need a senior officer here." "No you don't. He'll just steal the credit." "Look, I am out on a limb here, okay? And as a Rookie, that could get me fired. So, either we do this by the book, or I walk."

This is how Tim trained her. Valerie is jumping into this situation without knowing how anything works. She wants the glory, but she's not putting the work in in the right way.

Lucy has worked her ass off, and she's not letting anyone take this away from her.

"Hey, thanks for coming." "Mmhmm." "I'm in trouble, aren't I?" "Mmhmm."

Lucy being the one to let me in makes me happy. Yes, she's in trouble, and she knows it. But, "when it counted" she made the right call, again, right? Yeah.

Wopez Proposal

Oh, I have future things to say about all this. This is so Wesley and Angela. And that is what matters. It's them. Each couple has their own story and path. Yes, there's a formula to television, but there isn't a form you fill out.

So whenever we get to Tim and Lucy stuff (If they get their acts together), I'm not holding out for grand speeches. Tim is a "show" guy and Lucy isn't overly flowery. They're going to do their stuff their way.

That's why we gravitate toward certain characters. These characters are unique, as are their relationships. So how they get together, propose, etc, is going to be unique to that relationship and those characters.

I think that's important to keep in mind.

Control AKA

"Sorry. We're not real cops."

Welp... this just went Meta... in a Meta. Seriously, I was rolling laughing.

"Do you think Rachel's disappointed I canceled last night?" "I don't know." ... "You might find this surprising, but we don't talk about you. Ever." "Wow."

Considering how much Lucy and Tim talk about Rachel, I can see why this would be a little surprising to Lucy. But Tim drawing hard lines makes total sense.

He isn't at a point, yet, where he needs/wants to talk about Lucy in his off-time. He gets enough of her every. single. day.

"Bradford's your TO?" "Yeah." "My condolences." "That's what everyone says."

Lucy laughs it off, but Tim does have a reputation. He's good at whipping Rookies into shape or scaring them off.

"He seems nice." "Sure." "Do you know him well?" "Play a little pick-up basketball together."

Lucy is vibing with this guy. And while I'm not ecstatic for her to find "the one" and it not be Tim, Emmett seems like a decent guy, and there's definitely some chemistry there.

"No." "What?" "No, forget it." "What?!" "Your social life is not my responsibility. I learned that lesson the hard way."

That line kills me on every watch. Because Tim used to distance himself from her solely because of his hard lines between personal life and professional. Now, Lucy is quickly becoming a friend, someone he cares about. The lines have gotten a bit more blurry.

But he still has hard lines he's not willing to cross, again. He truly believes that he overstepped and she got hurt because of it. We all know that's not what happened, but Tim has a knack for blaming himself.

"Oh my God. I am the third wheel."

This is said in such a hilarious manner, but I struggle to laugh because I genuinely hurt for Lucy. I feel like pre-DOD Lucy never would have fallen into this role. It just wouldn't have happened.

But, much as she wanted to jump right back into "normal" life, she has been changed by her experiences. They're a part of her, now, and sometimes they sneak up on her when she least expects it.

Lucy has been clinging so hard to "safe" that she's forgetting how to live.

"Chen. Grey need another team on the DEA op. You wanna put in some OT?"

Awww. He's inviting her to spend the evening with him. But, seriously, Grey needed a team, and Tim asked if she would join him. He didn't demand it. Progress!

"I mean, obviously I've been using Jackson and Sterling as a crutch. Together they kind of make the perfect boyfriend."

Tim's already rolling his eyes. He looks over, like, "Are you kidding me? because he already knows she's talking to noone.

"More importantly, they're safe-"

"Safe". That thing she wants. That thing she needs. She's just not ready to take the leap, quite yet.

Nyla and Angela tried throwing her to the wolves to get her moving, but that's not how Lucy works. Lucy needs time. She just didn't realize that in taking that time, she was encroaching on someone else's.

"Who are you talking to?" "Rachel."

You're talking to me!? Damn, and I forgot to respond. I'm so sorry.

Yes, I know it's fictional. But when you were born in the 80's and had a very popular name, you hear your name everywhere. That's why I started going by an abbreviation of my last names at age 9. I became SL (Yes, that's where Esselle came from).

"Hello?"

I'm dying. I don't think I can finish the meta because I am laughing so hard, I can barely breathe. Lucy, honey, you did not just answer the call and then say hello when he's a foot away.

"Hello."

And he said it back. Nope. Definitely can't breathe. Laughing too hard.

It makes it all the funnier that they say, "Hello" since they are both more of "hi" or "hey" people. It's so formal and that makes it all the funnier.

"Rachel is in a staff meeting, which means you are talking to no one."

In a move of synchronicity, they hang up at the same time. Love those touches, even if it's purely accidental because the script reads, "They both hang up" or something similar.

"Not no one. Me."

He's watching her, but she can't look up at him. Much as she is strong and confident in who she is, she's feeling vulnerable right now. The last time she went on a date it didn't end too well, and she's unsure of her instincts.

Nyla said she needed to be confident in her intuition... and she's not quite there, yet.

"I talk things out to process them, and I knew you wouldn't do it with me, so—" "Why would you even care what I think?"

He doesn't think his opinion holds weight beyond the badge. When he holds her fate in his hand, damn straight, his opinion matters. But beyond that? Why would she care what he thinks?

"The last time I gave you romantic advice, I pushed you towards Caleb and... you almost died."

Now he can barely look at her. The shame. The pain. He thought he was helping her blow of steam, and she ended up buried alive. He still blames himself.

He can't even look at her until he gets that last word out.

"That's, that's ridiculous."

Lucy shifts so she's fully facing Tim in the seat. Tim shakes her head, not believing her, still internalizing the guilt.

"There was no reason to expect anything. What happened- What happened wasn't your fault."

He finally looks to her, again, wanting so badly to believe her. Can she absolve him of his guilt? Find a way to forgive himself for something he never even did wrong?

He looks quickly away after their eyes meet.

"It wasn't mine, either."

Hell, no, it wasn't. No victim blaming here for psychotic assholes.

"Look, I wouldn't ask your advice if I didn't value your opinion."

Tim. Has. Value. Of course he does, but he's hearing it. It's good for him to hear it, and important that it's coming from Lucy. Because, much as he isn't ready to admit it, her opinion matters to him. So, it's nice to find out that's reciprocal.

He looks away, licking his lips as he tries to fight back the tears. He switches gears, fast.

"You can do better than Emmett."

Hell, yeah, she can! There's this guy (maybe you've heard of him) named Tim Bradford. And he's just about perfect for our girl. Well... not quite yet, but I really have a good feeling about him. You should send her his way.

"What? Why, why would you say that."

Because, girl, he's gonna marry you. (shoutout to my RoomFriends on that one!

"He's a firefighter for God's sake." "I know, he's hot!" "Okay, no. No. See, if you're gonna act all contrarian, I am done with this conversation." "I'm not being a contrarian." "You know, I-I think you're threatened by his hunkiness." "Hunkiness?" "Mmhmm." "That's not even a word."

Future Rachel has so. much. to. say. But, because we're in the past, I can't really talk too much about it. But, Tim and trying to get Lucy to admit his handsomeness is gonna be a running theme... just sayin'.

"Chen."

He comes around and the first thing he says is her name? Yes, it's Season 2. Yes, they're nowhere near that, but I can have my immature moment, right!?

"You okay?"

I don't know if there are two words combined like that he says more to her. Tim constantly needs to know that Lucy is okay.

And... that wraps it up. I think it's important that Lucy dates someone before she considers Tim, just as I'm glad Tim's not jumping right from divorce to Lucy, like Nolan did.

But I also think these episodes show a lot of growth between them, and I think Rachel helps with that. She becomes this common thread between them.

FAST FORWARD: And once she's gone, that closeness don't disappear. It's lasting. Tim and Lucy are on their journey of growing closer and closer.

I'll admit, the first two were really hard for me. Personal discomfort and whatnot. But, I'm glad I got through them, and I hope you enjoy.

Now, I gotta finish up my waiting in the parent pickup, wait anxiously to hear back about the car loan (yes, we're getting a car!), and check quotes from the 2 roofers thus far.

Thank you so much for reading! Can't wait to see you on the next.

[rescuefield-arch1]

If Claire is specialised in healthcare, where does her job as reporter come from? (for the meta questions if you're still doing it)

hello anon, yes i'm always replying to meta questions!! thank you for sending one 💖

okay technically capcom never bothered to clarify what kind of job claire does because i guess they think people don't care, but for my version of claire it pretty much goes like this:

based on her attitude and personality she was probably advised to go to nursing school after graduation, which was fine to her. however i think claire struggled a little bit - not because she's dumb obviously, but because she thinks outside the box and the school system tends to be brutal to that kind of people, you know? so she still went to college, but applied for a EMT course. now if you know a bit about those, some can last months while others years. by 1998 claire had finished the basic one but never got to take the national certification exam.

so that's her next step. she gets to take the exam later in 1999 after her story is explained ( being a "contained zombie apocalypse survivor" has its perks sometimes ) after that she took another course for Advanced EMT and with that not only she got to find a stable job while trying to get sherry's custody, but eventually became helpful when terrasave gained traction and became a full fledged NGO rather than just a college movement.

now that we have this part done and over, here's the reporter part:

claire could be considered an investigative reporter, but the thing is that she doesn't have a degree for it. her anger about what happened to the citizens of RC, to her, sherry and leon, even what happened to steve - all of these singular things are what fuel her end of the pact about taking umbrella down. she researches and documents and writes on her blog everything that can lead people to knowing the truth about umbrella ( at least at the beginning, then as we know it got messier ) and once again ending up under terrasave radar grants for her voice to be heard - and so the other millions of voices that corporates try to shut up.

so her career as a reporter comes out of nowhere, is kind of granted to her due to the fact that she survived RC, she survived many other outbreaks too and knows what she's talking about, and lastly - she's has a very particular way to write about these events, very empathetic and feelings driven, you can absolutely tell that she cares about these topics even tho her investigation method borders insanity and usually involves breaking laws.

a good example of what i said above is her report in heavenly island. i'm not sure how useful chris found it ( she did sidetrack a bit with those "here's what they're doing now" stories lol ) yet it keeps you hooked, it makes you worry for the people involved. she's a legend if you ask me, could absolutely write a book of she put her mind into it.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

First writing masterpost + navigation

Hello, and welcome to my hyperfixation cave!

I'm largely known as Moma (the first four letters of my url), but you can also call me Nico! My pronouns are she/her and I'm 25 years old.

I write - a lot (it's May 29 and I have 223 pieces, rip)- but have yet to publish my work on AO3, so all my ficlets are Tumblr-exclusive.

I take requests for fluff here, and once a month I hold a 3-emoji writing event. I also occasionally ask for writing ideas.

Thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you have fun browsing!

Second writing masterpost

Third writing masterpost (last updated: 23 June 2023)

Writing tag because it takes me forever to update my masterposts: writing attempts

Other thoughts/ideas/meta/nonsense:

Novel reread

Original thots

Incorrect quotes

NSFW ideas

Paternal instincts - someone tries to hurt A-Yuan and WangXian are being murder husbands about it

What the rumors say (and what they don’t) - sequel to "Duty"

Movie scene - modern AU, very fluffy and romantic sequel to "I am here"

Shopping spree - modern AU, Wei Wuxian and the Wens go shopping and put someone in their place during it

The life we had (won't be ours again) - grief-stricken, Lan Wangji almost gives up on life. But somebody helps change his mind.

Duty - Lan Wangji is sent as tribute to convince demon king Yiling Laozu to help the cultivation world. He is successful (in more ways than one).

Unholy - WangXian modern AU based off the Sam Smith song

To build a home (a family) - the accidental Yiling Wei sect AU

Come to life - modern AU with a twist at the end, WangXian go to a Halloween party

Where do babies come from? - modern AU, the little juniors wonder where babies come from. Theories vary.

Unbearable heat - modern AU, the heating system at WangXian's apartment breaks down and they have it fixed. Poor repairman.

Let's raise a glass or two (to all the things I've lost on you) - modern AU, WangXian have a romantic dinner...?

In the cave - the cave scene but from Wei Ying's perspective

Ambitious - Mo Xuanyu crushing on WangXian, modern au

Unsent - Lan Zhan writes a love letter

Defend your honor - Lan Zhan has some wine and puts some people in their place

In cold blood - Lan Zhan saves his husband from dying

An argument changes everything - the "screaming 'i love you' while in an argument" trope with Yiling Laozu Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji desperately trying to help him

Play pretend - WangXian have a go at teacher-student role-playing. It goes... well? (sfw)

The other side - Wei Ying comforts a dying girl and very briefly talks about his time being dead

I am here - Lan Zhan receives a sad voice message from Wei Ying at 3 am and decides to do something about it

The right kind of flattery (will get you everywhere) - a Jin Guangyao character study in relation to the brothel and his manipulative ways

Flu season - Wei Ying gets the flu and is being whiny about it while Lan Zhan nurses him back to health

Closure - prequel to "Forgive me", the AU in which wangxian get together before the war and angst ensues

Mo Xuanyu's soul comes to visit Wei Wuxian and see what's been happening

Lan Xichen tells Jin Guangyao some things during the Guanyin Temple reveals

The corset - modern AU, WangXian get in an argument and Wei Wuxian decides to pull out the big guns (well, the corset).

Mind your business - Lan Jingyi is hit with a mind-reading curse and he learns things about his seniors

Your body language (speaks to me) - Wei Ying is a body language specialist analysing Lan Wangji on suspicion of several crimes. It doesn't go as planned.

WangXian are just talking and nothing bad happens, trust me

AITA for getting punched in the face? - Jin Zixuan asks r/AITA for judgement

The wedding ring - Lan Zhan comes from work to an empty apartment, Wei Ying's wedding ring on the kitchen counter and a note about moving out. Assumptions are made. Modern AU

Whatever I've done, I did it for love -Granny Wen decides she needs to protect A-Yuan

Real - Lan Zhan's life is too good to be true... or not + angst ending (added oct. 8th)

Not ours - WangXian talk about falling out of love

Not like you - JGY leaves the brothel...the brothel doesn't leave him though

Grey - modern AU, Wei Ying gets in a car accident and Lan Zhan suffers about it, with a plot twist at the end

Forgive me - JGY finds a letter in the Yiling Patriarch's notes (AU in which WangXian got together before the war)

Yu Ziyuan returns in time to "fix" everything

Sharing music - modern au, wangxian share earphones

Cynophobia - n., a pathological fear of dogs - Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan why he's so afraid of dogs

Hanguang-Jun, we shrunk Wei-qianbei! - Wei Ying goes to a nighthunt with the Lan juniors and... returns. Somewhat.

33 strikes - A look into Lan Wangji's thoughts as he receives his punishment

MDZS Social Media Headcanons

Dark Lan Sect AU in which Lan Wangji has all his memories of Wei Ying wiped clean (or does he?)

Beach days - Modern AU, Wei Ying takes A-Yuan to the beach and they meet a kind (and hot) stranger

Pictures on a page - Lan Zhan makes sure he never forgets what Wei Ying looks like after he died

Lan Zhan doesn't get Straight People Jokes™️

WangXian do NOT like spiders

A-Yuan and The Chinese tradition of giving children an anklet for protection against evil

Baby fever - Wei Ying asks his husband about having kids

Nightmares in Mo Xuanyu's body

The hat - Nie Huaisang keeps Jin Guangyao's hat as a souvenir and talks to it

Immortal WangXian modern AU Wei Ying scares some poor soul out of flirting with him

A different ending for Qin Su

An old lady predicts WangXian two decades before it happens and gets to say 'i told you so'

The Lan Sect rule against swearing

Wei Ying time travels for 10 seconds and gives himself advice

Jealousy - Wen Ning wonders why drunk Lan Wangji had a bone to pick with him and gets an honest answer

How did you first meet? - Wei Ying tells the juniors how he met his husband + Lan Jingyi had suspicious romantic trope knowledge

Lan Zhan may be a cougar

The juniors get drunk and ponder about Jin Ling's uncles

Lan Wangji's grieving

Rainfall - Wei Ying's memories with rainy weather

Lan Zhan talks to Wei Ying about his scars after being offered to have them removed

The Bunny Tradition in the Lan sect

Syrup - AU in which A-Yuan dies and Lan Wangji has to cope with the deaths of two people he loves

Lan Xichen welcomes Wei Ying into the family with a special gift

Wei Ying dreams of his future while still in the Burial Mounds

Xue Yang talks to Xiao Xingchen

Qin Su realizes something is wrong

Wei Ying thinks about Mo Xuanyu and his death day

Jin Ling dreams of his parents

Sizhui and his memories

Wei Ying's promise to always return home from nighthunts

Dark! Lan Wangji in an AU in which Wei Ying dies in the Xuanwu Cave

Wei Ying gives life lessons on fear to the Lan juniors

AU in which Mo Xuanyu was not only evil but also able to take over his body and kick Wei Ying out

Wei Ying thinks about the 13 years he was dead

Nie Huaisang takes full and proud accountability for Guanyin Temple while it's still happening

Instead of having Lan Xichen do it, Nie Huaisang stabs Jin Guangyao himself and has an evil speech about it

Mo Xuanyu receives thanks for his sacrifice

Wei Ying and his birthdays

Lan Wangji's mornings

WangXian talk about scars...again

Lan Xichen hears the fresh gossip after Jin Guangyao's death

Lan Xichen learns to love and trust again

Jin Guangyao hears from Meng Yao and neither are happy about it

Wei Ying visits Lan Zhan the night he dies

Mo Xuanyu's body still remembers him

[sleepynegress]

On YOU and Black Women Characters, Karen, Sherry, and Marienne...and a little bit of Peach (who is a mixed-race Filipina).

Okay so, that meta... Seeing how Marienne has been handled in the most recent season (among other, IMO, improvements character-wise), while also being all-too-typically handwaved and/or ignored by fandom....I got the urge to write some meta... Because I feel like the difference between how Karen and Peach were written in the first season, vs. Sherry and Marienne in the third, exemplifies typical pitfalls TV and streaming media too often fall into when it codes it's side female black/brown-skinned characters and ways they can avoid it. BTW, one big change this past season is that Penn Badgley is now a producer. And if you've ever heard the man speak on this show and character, among other things... You'll know he makes an effort to be aware of social causes and ways he can personally improve things for marginalized folks. He's a real mensch, when it comes to that. He's been vocal about correcting fans who unironically stan Joe as a romantic ideal... Because yeah, that dude is ALL redflags, stalking, and excuses for his serial killing. Yeah, the voice is nice, and it's fun to watch all of that play-out, but one can stan an anti-hero/villianous charismatic character while understanding that ish isn't something to *actually* want IRL. People. Just to reiterate. JOE IS ONE OF THOSE CHARACTERS for which you stay far away from people w/ those tendencies, in IRL. So... w/ that preface, I think it's incredibly interesting and thoughtful how Marienne and Sherry were handled, as black women supporting characters. ...While Peach and Karen in season one? Yeesh... (cut because it's loooong yall)

Yall remember Karen?? She was thirsty for Joe, unabashedly so.

But the reality was that she was just a convient placeholder, a tool to make Beck jealous. So, the double-edged stereotype was that she was both undesirable and the sexual aggressor *sigh*. ... Thankfully, the one good thing about the writing choices for her was that she peeped that Joe was crazy and she listened to the little voice and got out ALIVE. I hated that she was invisible to him as an actual living breathing attractive woman though, except to be used. Again, this is a typical and stereotypical construct for black women side characters.

HOWEVER. Season three actually corrected that, by explicitly showing Joe as the problem there... And not Karen, or any other WOC's desirability (as is all too typical a message media tends to send out for drop-dead gorgeous black/brown women side characters in yt media). You see, Joe is a snobby yt man who has been running away from his poor-orphan-grown-up-in-the-system roots. His "education" from an abusive bookseller (yikes) and genuine love and breadth of knowledge of books, he thinks, elevates him above certain people, -plebes, in his mind. But oddly, at the same damn time, he looks down his nose at wealthy people for being handed what he sees as something he worked -and was worked over (all that trauma and abuse) for. And all the issues he has (which is NO excuse BTW), stem from his Oedipal complex. The root cause being his "failure" to protect the mother figures in his life, when he was a boy. One rejected him after the trauma of child-Joe having to shoot/kill someone to spare her more harm/abuse, and the other died (in his mind) because he *failed* to act violently to protect her from fatal abuse. Thus, his stalking behaviour, obsession, and feelings of ownship over women he fixates on. He can both "protect" them and keep them from abandoning him, by acting (often violently) for them, on their behalf (w/o their knowledge or consent), to keep them (with him) safe. So every woman he has looked at as "The One" (until Marienne, but I'm getting to that) has been a yt woman who needs saving, just like the nurse and his mom. All were in toxic relationships with other men, in some way shape or form, relationships he could twist in his mind as someone he could white knight her away from... From Beck's narcisisst two-timing boyfriend, to Love's unhealthy co-dependency on her brother, to Natalie's distant relationship w/ her workaholic husband. The difference between them and Marienne though, is Joe was already stalker-fantastizing about them from the first look. Marienne, however, was written as purposely invisible to him, in a expansion (and fix! IMO) for why he *also* didn't see Karen.

I'm saying, that despite Joe having grown up in the system, he's always been a hypocrite. He looks down on other yt people (especially if they have wealth privilege) calls out all of the excesses, while he himself *also* wasn't able to see those he unconsciously saw as beneath *his own* gaze. It was NO ACCIDENT and IMO a brilliantly rare little bit of telegraphed writing...That Joe only started to actually see Marienne as a person beyond the bossy irritant in the way of his book hobby, when he #1 heard the White Woman Syndrome definition and call-out (*lol* Joe didn't know shit about it, until Marienne and Dante told him and took his know-it-all ass down a peg) and #2 learned she spoke French... What I'm saying is Joe is diet-racist, in that yt moderate way MLK called out, i.e. "good" yt people who are unconsciously biased, ignore/prejudge the black people the see everyday, but don't think of themselves as actively racist... And the fact that she "surprised" him, in that way... Made him unconsciously feel like he had to prove he wasn't that typical yt person he tends to eviscerate in his narrations. Because, not only was she dismissed from the jump, but it turned out that she checkmarked all his hallmark stalking points, but went one or two better(!)... In that she has a similar background to himself, having grown up in the system abandoned by her mother, -which is the aspect that cemented his obsession... She is also "educated", has a daughter (which he wanted Henry to be) is a good and loving mom, and is targeted by... you guessed it, a toxic -ex, which makes him feel like the better alternative, necessary protector. So, to him... Marienne is perfect. And for me, it's so fascinating to see White Woman Syndrome, desconstructed and flipped on it's head with this storyline of Joe actively "protecting" her in his fucked up way, i.e. shivering with bug-eyed mania, as he stabbed her -ex multiple times in the chest while saying it was "for her". And that conversation between Marienne and Love??? WHEW!! I fucking LOVED THAT. Because, Love did not lie. Everything she said about Joe was absolutely correct. In fact, the reason why Joe couldn't obsess over Love anymore was because he saw in her, everything he hates about himself. And Marienne?? I loved what she had to say, calling out her own damn self for falling into self-destructive habits. She *admitted* that she had purposely ignored that little voice that told her Joe was bad news (a reason why she played up the suspicion and "tough boss" at first). IOW, Marienne is Joe's ideal self, if Joe had handled his trauma better. She's not out here killing folk. Yes, she fell into addictive substances, but she actively is doing what Joe *wishes* he could about his serial stalking and murdering, and healing herself. That is the root of his fixation... Oh! That's another thing. Joe is a sociopath and a narcissist, so he also fixates on women he sees *himself* in... He loses interest, when he sees the flaws he'd like to fix in himself. And that is why he literally burned his entire life down (including abandoning his son *smh*, mainly because he fears his taint will make the boy just like him) and went to Paris to find her. In the meantime, while I see Marienne as a bit of a correction to how Karen was shafted in the writing, I also see Sherry as a correction to how Peach was done. Peach was a typical bitchy brown girl side-character, without the benefit of nuance, beyond her crush on Beck. Meanwhile, we got to the see the nerdy rejected roots Sherry and the unhealthy coke-head roots of her soulmate husband behind the type-A "mean-girl" too many black and brown girls are simplified into in shows. I liked that. Sherry, was that way to protect both herself and her family from ever being seen as the rejected out crowd, she and her hubby used to be when they were kids. Cory's hyper-fixation on projecting a feminist hyper-masculinity was for her... And kudos to them casting a buff non-ugly partner for her.

I have heard and repeated that actual love is loving the "crust" of a person. And goodness knows, THAT was Sherry/Cary in that box. Just ALL of the most BURNT crumbly, crust pieces ever and *still* beneath that... at their very bottom, was their love. And the delicious irony of it, was that once again... Snob-head-ass Joe (and Love too, this time) got it wrong. They weren't a fake plastic love, but the real damn thing... If I'm being really-real, Love saw that too. It was the reason why she put the gun in the box w/ them. Say what you will about the weirdness of these two, but you CANNOT say they don't love each other. It was to the point that that aspect of their marriage triggered Love, when it came to her and Joe. And that... (a black woman being truly loved and having a "happy" ending) is always subversive in yt media. Also, both the actors gave... *lol* A+ partnering work, in this. I really enjoyed that messy bisexual couple. Anyway... Sorry about the length and scatterbrained aspect of this meta... but I had to write this down.

P.S. I forgot to add Delilah from season 2 as yet another WOC Joe failed to see in that way until she became useful/unavoidable and Ellie as another way he projects protecting himself (and his mom) from trauma. Ellie is a fifteen year old girl w/o parents who most definitely would have been subject to abuse, if Joe had not intervened and killed that grooming creep.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

the thing about life was that a flame could be so easily blown out, so people fought like hell to keep it alive. the tip of the candle could easily be cupped for protection, gentle breath given to let the flame flutter back to life. (is that what she did? when she pounded his chest again and again, her magic stronger than any human could be? when she pressed her lips to his and breathed the very essence of life back into his body?) what people often forgot was that you could simply relight the candle.

bernard hadn't thought about darla in years. people on online forums, ones he'll never tell tim how often he visited, spoke of their experiences with metas and myths and anyone in between. he knew what happened to people accosted by magic, knew of chains trapping them with their own terror, their minds turning against themselves as their nightmares came to life.

bernard, on the other hand, could say that he wasn't all that haunted by darla. she'd lifted his car off the ground in a display of power, told bernard she was laura fell now, no matter the fact that she looked and walked and talked like darla aquista, then threatened his life on behalf of her seemingly never-ending obsession with tim motherfucking drake. seemingly, because when bernard had brought up old times they used to spend with darla over lunch, casual as you please, tim had grinned a little before dismissing his fears. darla was training with some sort of enchantress to try and be good, growing more powerful by the day.

bernard wondered, for a moment, if all of his friends could make the earth quake with a press of their fingertips. if all of his friends could bend those figures of myth and meta and magic with only their will. if he'd spent his life in the company of gods in everything but name, right down to the perfect muscles pulling under skin and battle-worn glimmer in eyes too old to be on a faces so young. (bernard wondered, for a moment, if there was any way he could join them. if the madness in darla's eyes as she demanded tim's whereabouts and the screams of terror on his boyfriend's lips as he woke up with a knife in his hand were worth it.)

bernard knew there was nothing he could have done for darla. probably not now but definitely not back then. he had no power over life and death, he couldn't have saved darla from the bullet wound that cost her nearly everything had he even attempted to try. sometimes, darla shifted in his memories, morphed into someone with the same dark hair and same blue eyes, but with broader shoulders and a kinder smile.

there was the fear that one day, something would take tim down, a dark shadow grappling with his boyfriend's shining, golden soul before snuffing it out as surely as a candle. then there was the fear that one day, something would bring tim back, clawed fingers opening his boyfriend's eyes and twisting that golden soul into something dripping and jagged, as poisonously yellow as laura fell.

(bernard learned of what happened to jason todd on accident, a couple years after the cult of dionysus. there were some horrors he could force himself to speak aloud, some fates that he couldn't stomach.)

(if tim was surprised at the way bernard's fingernails dug into his back as he held the vigilante close, at the way bernard took advantage of the inches he'd lost to tim's late growth spurt to curl himself completely into his boyfriend's arms, then tim never showed a whisper of it.)

the quickest way to avoid all of that, bernard thought, was to just make sure tim didn't die in the first place.

"hey," tim said, bringing his hand up to flick bernard on the forehead. "only shit nurses get distracted when they're treating their patient."

"only shit patients have such abysmal bedside manner."

"oooh, abysmal," tim waggled his eyebrows. "that word-of-the-day calendar is really coming in handy, huh?"

bernard sniffed. "i'll have you know that i am a well-read intellectual. fuckin' sherlock at this point."

in the movies, people with wounds like the glaring one on tim's shoulder sagged into the wall, made tearful confessions through a mouth full of blood, shuddered in pain at the slightest touch. tim's fingers hurt where he hit bernard's forehead, he didn't lose his smart mouth for anything, and was tapping his foot in impatience before bernard propped it up on the sofa.

"you're fucking sherlock? that's such a sweet pet name, you should use it more often," tim teased.

"don't get a big head, you're not that good."

bernard opened the first aid kit, unusually large and unusually used. his fingers found the small pipe bottle of water and the gauze. he tore a small piece off before wiping off the rest of the dried blood as gently has he could.

"you know," tim sounded almost contemplative, musing. completely disregarding what should have been a throbbing pain. completely trusting bernard to take care of him. "ra's al ghul called me detective once."

bernard's fingers closed around the saline solution with more ease than what was comfortable, but he had plenty of practice pushing those thoughts aside.

"i have no clue who that is," he said, feeling tim tense only the barest bit when he poured the solution over the wound. it had to have stung something fierce. bernard had seen grown men whimper at the sensation. tim sighed and tipped his head back instead.

"no one important," tim chuckled. "but i do kinda wish damian was here to hear that."

antibiotics next, and if tim felt the urge to shy away from bernard's fingers as he brushed the wound with ointment, bernard couldn't tell; he suppressed it as impressively as always.

"come on, no sibling talk when you're shirtless and i'm on top of you." bernard joked. neither of them mentioned the blood staining tim's undershirt-slash-makeshift-bandage, the dried blood flakes all over tim's lap, the way bernard's thighs were clenching tim to the point of pain.

between one blink and the next, tim was all wrapped up, gauze in place and bandage taped on top. his boyfriend's lovestruck little smile gleamed up at him, one bernard recognized. a pinch of awe and a dash of trust and a sprinkle of comfort. mix them together and bake at 350, bernard thought a bit hysterically, and you get love for a man who's terrified at how fast he can use bandages.

still, tim took precedent. every night bernard spent washing his hands too roughly at the sink was another night his boyfriend was breathing on the bed in the other room. every night bernard opened that unusually large and unusually used first aid kit was another night tim's soul stayed whole and shining and untarnished by whatever creatures took people beyond the veil only to drag them back. every night bernard spend trying to rub the scent of copper and the spill of liquid poppy off his fingers was another night bernard used his bloodstained hands to keep tim's flame alive.

i mayyyyyyyy have gotten a little too excited every time i used the word "boyfriend."

tag list: @woahjaybird @anothertimdrakestan @birdy-bat-writes @screennamealreadyused @subtleappreciation @bikoncon @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @bonkybearjpeg @maplumebleue-blog-blog @sundownridge @thatsthewhump @xatanna-troy @red-hood-redemption @capricorn-stark @batshit-birds @buticaaba @comics-observer @newsical

[variousqueerthings]

When i was writing it i also kept think about blindfolded Hawkeye, all evidence really does point towards him loving it...

He really does get lead and pushed around so often, I'd love to see someone's take on how it contrasts with his control and responsibilities as chief surgeon. Even outside of surgery, the contrast of him being with someone and then having a nurse or doctor coming in to ask for help or giving him an update on a patient and how he can swap between both mindsets ect.

I firmly believe that Hawkeye would valiantly try to be had by all of the nurses if given the time and opportunity. And any attention is good attention is the sort of mindset that Hawkeye would take and then promptly act like a terror until he got the attention he wants. I feel like he wouldnt have to do this with bj as much as others but he does anyways just to be a problem.

Margaret's a strange one bc it would make sense considering her personality and Hawkeye's interest but like, idk. I think its too much of a contrast in my head from his refusal to show her respect as a major, their relationship in the later seasons (in my head) hinges so much on their views of each other as equals and i think the power dynamics would be a mess.

Its kind of funny how they have Hawkeye acknowledge how sexist some of his actions were when i feel like i always remember there being more women in those earlier seasons. I might be misremembering but i feel like if theyre going to do that they could at least make female characters more core. Like not every woman has to be plot relevant to be featured.

Aro Hawkeye my beloved <3<3 I get him, he loves his friends so much it hurts and also is so so horny. He deserves to be held gently and then absolutely railed and then held again.

-majoranon

(listen okay sometimes I get worried that an ask is too personal or inappropriate so i hold off sending my name with it but the fact that you knew it was me is so funny. What tipped you of?)

Alright, post the first out of... maybe three (maybe four)! (the others of which will be about women in MASH and much shorter I think + blindfold Hawkeye + some more aro talks beyond this + idk, sometimes you’ve just got to see where the typing takes you)

THE FIRST THING I DO IS APOLOGISE FOR THE RAMBLES AND THE FACT THAT I COULD WRITE THIS BETTER AND MORE SOURCED IF MY BRAIN WAS WORKING AND I HAD TIME... I don’t, I’m sad....

I’d originally put your message into bits and was answering them one at a time, but then everything started being about a few of the same things, SO

trust me this all comes from your message 😂 

This post: aro Hawkeye 🤝 aro Margaret and my actual dream relationship on the show (or, you’ll never guess where this meta/headcanon is going, or maybe you will, idk)

ALSO KNOWN AS: I make the argument that Hawkeye and Margaret are already in an aromantic life-partnership and so her occasionally topping him is really just a part of the benefits for both of them (but also I barely make the latter half of that argument, I’m sorry, I go all over the place with this one)

I think (and I mentioned that in another post) that Hawkeye being chief surgeon and Very Good at his high-stress job is a feature in this entire (somewhat jokey, but also haha kidding... unless... you know?) headcanon -- lots of people with those kinds of jobs want to get to shut off any decision-making/responsibilities outside of that space and we see that a lot with Hawkeye (in a non-sexual sense). He really really hates being in charge when it’s not about the job 

I just rewatched Carry On, Hawkeye and I love how there’s that scene where Margaret is like “I should be in charge now” and Hawkeye basically goes “absolutely, have at it,” but because she’s so used to him being contrarian and bitchy with her, she thinks he’s arguing that she shouldn’t 

and it gives us this interesting line:

and then in the same episode having just given Margaret the reports she needed, if we’re going for the “Hawkeye and strong women/Hawkeye and I’m just a little guy/Hawkeye and putting himself on the table” well...

literally.... on the table....

(Margaret if you’re in charge you have to get used to a lanky weirdo lying about on your desk, that’s just who he is)

and then of course:

S I R (mr alan alda, you cannot tell me this guy has never been topped by a woman (we leave domming out of the discussion for today kids, but youknow.. it’s Margaret, she of the riding crop and vibrator))

Anyway this takes us neatly into “Margaret and Hawkeye” territory... 

*

1. first there’s all this stuff around sexuality and gender and romance and relationships happening between those two -- Margaret and “sir” and incorrect womanhood leading her relationships to not work and being openly sexual (and highly suggested dominating), Hawkeye and calling himself “aunt” and being a motherhen and all the being pregnant jokes, and being stepped on jokes, and “joking” about being married to men, etcetcetc -- 

of course the crux of which is that amazing conversation they have in “Stars and Stripes” in which it’s made textual how similar they are in their ideas about relationships. One of the main reasons I like to hc them as aro is that the way they phrase it is so... vague.... they can’t pinpoint why it never works out for them, time and time again, other than “they can’t change who they are,” and they’re looking for a “custom fit,” but at least with Hawkeye he’s been shown to “fall in love” with people very fast (Erika, Kyung Soon, Inga, etc) and (due to the nature of syndication) get over those relationships again/fall in love with someone new just as fast -- and a note on Erika is that he’s literally suggesting marriage and she’s the one to shut him down (in an also very aro way)

not to mention Carlye whom he proposes to have been in love with for years/never gotten over, but when given the chance for a do-over doesn’t leap at the chance... again because of vague “you choose your job over romantic relationships” reasons (any aromantic who can relate to that reasoning/has literally scoured for historical people who were described that way, raise your hands) 

with Margaret you do get the sense that she’d wanted these relationships/that she invests in them, but that the men can never accept her as she is (which Hawkeye does -- and he doesn’t even do it on purpose, to begin with they’re scratching and clawing at each other as we all know), so you see, she’d love to be in a romantic relationship if only she were a completely different person, but alas she can’t be and so she’ll never be a correct woman (again, any aro who’s felt that connection between brokenness and incorrect gender and aroness raise your hands...) and to stretch that one even further, the imagery in “Dreams” of her in the wedding dress with those bodies of men in her bed and the miscarriage-looking blood-stain, it’s all... very evocative of that same incorrect/broken woman, who will never get those things that society promises are what brings happiness that she won’t have and maybe doesn’t even want, but what’s the alternative being offered here? 

dead bodies and a lifetime of being alone?

*

2.  I think it’s interesting that you said that because Margaret’s and Hawkeye’s later relationship hinges on them being equals that the power dynamics would be a mess, when that respect is actually the very thing that makes me think of them being perfect for each other in this scenario – there’s a lot of trust and vulnerability that goes into that, especially considering aforementioned gendered expectations and the ways they both already fuck around with them, and how well they know each other at that point. And if I’m gonna take “Inga” at face value, Hawkeye isn’t as out about his (in this headcanon) preferences as one might have thought, so being vulnerable with a stranger? Or someone who isn’t as under his skin as Margaret is?  

What I do wonder about is whether later seasons Hawkeye is… all that interested in sex? Overall? Comparatively? Sure, there’s the occasional “Hawkeye has a date” or “Hawkeye does some flirting (with friends),” but – I will go more into this in my next post about women in MASH – when he talks to Marina in opening s10 about how he’s not treated women right in the past + has seen too much to ever be wide-eyed again, it is both good reasons to blow her off, and also something I definitely read at face value.

It also goes into something someone said on a post (I’m sorry I cannot remember where) about how later seasons had less sex, but also less homoeroticism hand-in-hand with that, but also that it’s just that the tone is overall – for Hawkeye more than any other character (he frequently gets The Narrative end of the stick, while everyone else is having a bit of a laugh) – less light-hearted at that point, and also it may have had to do with how they wanted to write the women who did come on the show (again, for next post). My point is that it all adds up to make him seem both Really Really Tired and Much Less Interested In Sex, and then as a consequence gives it a fun read of maybe he's less interested in sex, because he’s so damn tired?

In that scenario is he looking for an occasional fun time with his good friend Margaret Houlihan who maybe would step on him wearing heels (a thing he has canonically lamented her not doing at one point on the show) if he asked nicely and called her sir? Or is it that by the time they become good enough friends that he might trust her and she might trust him with these sexual and gender transgressions, he’s not in a place to try and make anything like this happen at all, because he’s just… tired?

But overall, I do think out of anyone at the 4077th… except for maybe Klinger (and also Sid, if we’re going beyond-but-adjacent), Margaret is the person who might be able to accommodate for Hawkeye the best, and Hawkeye might be able to give Margaret something she doesn’t entirely know how to balance with other men (the one downside is that technically Margaret would wanna be doing something like this with a guy like Trapper – bigger/more traditionally outwardly masculine, but it’s not like she doesn’t find Hawkeye attractive/I don’t think it would be a total dealbreaker – anyway, also smthinsmthin Hawkeye and Margaret are often attracted to the same kinda guy… as for women, I think Hawkeye is pretty broad, while Margaret likes Strong Women (similar to the men))

Meanwhile Margaret, it feels like, has prepared herself for this lifetime of loneliness, except she’s got this family all around her and maybe this guy who’s also not looking for normative relationship structures and is also Not Correct in vague, unspoken (queer) ways. But maybe, again, around the time where it could conceivably be going on, neither of them are in that headspace or maybe they can get each other out of the more tragedy-filled-careening-towards-the-end-of-the-narrative headspace, I can’t say for sure until I’ve finished the show

and speaking of that unknowable space...

What about after the show then?

*

3. So here’s some stuff I can’t know until I’ve finished it -- I don’t know where Hawkeye ends up and I don’t know where Margaret ends up (or anyone else for that matter), but I do think they’re the two characters who are the most conflicted at this point and likely will be right through to the end 

Margaret has made a choice to not get into a romantic relationship with anyone unless they understand her as she is, and so to all intents and purposes has practically sworn off romantic relationships -- this is also framed as her putting her career first, although not entirely. It’s more like she’s putting herself first, but also… there’s something there that doesn’t quite fit. It’s certainly more possible for her to stick with the military than to conform to a housewife ideal, because she’s been with the military her whole life, but she also no longer idealizes what it is and stands for. I really do wonder where she’ll be by the end and I sort of assume she’ll stay with the military, but I also read that somewhat through the lens of disappointing, but expected romances.

Because she’s changed a lot. I don’t think the military really is her home, but I don’t think she knows of anywhere else to go. So I wouldn’t be surprised if she stays with it – I think it would be in character – I just think it would be bittersweet. Better than a marriage, but also not as good as she could do if she could unpack some more of those vague ideas that niggle in her brain (it’s queerness, but not just that, but this read of her is based around that aromanticism in particular).

And meanwhile Hawkeye is just a mess. Idk, I can’t see that changing. I also can’t see where I’d place him after the war, because I can’t see him as okay in that movie-lotr Frodo Baggins Can Never Go Home way. I can’t see anyone as technically “okay,” but I don’t think he has anyplace where he could go to attempt what people call “resuming a normal life.” Hell, I’m not even entirely sure I could see him continuing as a surgeon (that episode with the surgeon who completely breaks down is uh… well, it’s not there for nothing). Similar to Margaret, but with added PTSD, there’s all that Vagueness niggling at his brain, which maybe angers him, because he already knows he’s a big ol bisexual who falls for married men, so what gives? And he doesn’t even have a fallback like the army. At best he might simply be a surgeon or a general practitioner, but you know… The Horrors. I can’t see him as anything but haunted for the rest of his life

And so thinking of a dream scenario where they both somehow make it and it’s not just “trying to get by (trying to get by in the army, trying to get by back in Maine, trying to remember what “home” is supposed to be)” I’m like… what if they just moved in together and tried to deal with the Vagueness together, same as they’ve done multiple times on the show? 

(And sidenote I maybe should’ve gotten into earlier, it’s so interesting that their romantic travails are shared with one another more than any other character -- Hawkeye is the person who knows the most about what was going on with her and Frank/Don/Sully, and she knows about him and Kyung Soon, and the aforementioned Big Conversation about The Revolving Heart Of Korea, which is said by Margaret, but is really the both of them)

(sidenote: Hawkeye is consistently the person who makes her smile like this the most)

(other other sidenote: “double-solitaire” ought to be codeword for queerplatonic aro partnership?????)

(other other other sidenote: literally just watched “Birthday Girls” in which Margaret rails against getting sympathy, but in this one she accepts it so readily from Hawkeye, and has done multiple times ever since the episode with the dog)

Margaret is the woman (maybe even the person) that Hawkeye knows best/has Hawkeye’s number and has done from very early on (but now she’s incredibly fond of that nr), Hawkeye is at least 10% of Margaret’s perfect man, it would be a great beard for the both of them, and they’d be able to draw a lot of comfort from each other.

And you know... they See Each Other and don’t expect the other person to change the core of themselves to fit, and they could challenge one another to become their most truthful selves better than anyone else could 

*

SO IN CONCLUSION WOULD MARGARET DOM HAWKEYE (is barely the question that’s been answered in this long fucking post): IT DEPENDS 

early seasons Hawkeye would have been SO up for it, but Margaret would not + it wouldn’t have been great for either of them I think? Although, sometimes they got along, even then, so maybe off the back of an episode like that... (but I do think it matters that they never canonically have sex until “Comrade in Arms”)

later seasons Hawkeye may have been too depressed for sexual frolicking and Margaret was going through an identity crisis, so idk, somewhere in between all of that somewhere? 

POST seasons Hawkeye and Margaret... maybe? depending on where you puttem? if they get to spend time together?

would they at the very least have fantasized about it? Oh yeah, absolutely!

I leave you with this image:

[pandoraimperatrix]

Cockblocked by Batman’s son

BatCat | Humour/Romance | 1,4k

The fucker was on her for a while, and as much as their cat and bat game was fun, it was beginning to get in the middle of her business. There was this tiny small Brazilian island with her name on it, and unfortunately it was hard to steal whole islands than jewellery, so, of course, to steal some of the latter to get her island. She was calling it her retirement plan.

She was so close to her goal 12 million goal, only 10k to go, the job had been a god send, a rich collector had just acquired an Edwardian aquamarine and diamond brooch that have been on her client’s list for ages, thank goodness it was not her style at all, so she wouldn’t be tempted. It was easy enough, the security system was not what she expected from her research, but it had been fun to crack it, it was good to be surprised sometimes, she thought, kept her on her toes.

Her prize was already safely inside her bag, and Selina was ready to leave, when he appeared dark and broody, cape flowing behind him like a vampire on a silent era movie.

“Put it back.”

“Oh for Bastet’s sake!”

She ran, he went after her, and to be fair she was having fun taunting him, but there was something odd about that night, usually he gave her a little more of work, he seemed to be lagging. She even looked behind a few times to see if he was still following her, because there was nights in which would just leave to take care of an actual life threating crime. Selina thought that was the case and stopped to look, as much as the danger of him actually catching her and taking her prize back was not null, it almost felt like a let down when he’d just leave like that without a proper goodbye. He had no manners! Have no one taught him how to treat a lady?

Not that she was one.

She turned away and head back small rooftop apartment on East End, she had just entered her home, and pulled the cowl off her head when she felt a massive weight smash against her back throwing her on the floor. Fear struck her even harder, had the celling just fallen? She screamed for her cats to find safety before she managed to wiggle her body around enough to get an idea of the situation.

“What the actual fuck!”

The celling was intact and what was currently pressing her to the floor was the wall of meat known as the Batman.

“Put… it back.”

And then his eyes closed. She had never been close enough to notice before, but they were blue.

Read on AO3

It was embarrassing. She was tied up to a bomb. Heist gone wrong, well, it was good that he appeared since it was his fault that there was a heist at all. After leaving her flat while she napped after playing his personal Florence Nightingale all night, he repaid her by stealing her brooch!

Can you believe it?

The ingratitude?

The disrespect?

It was entirely his fault that she was obligated to break into that stupid warehouse to steal her new mark – an art deco diamond bracelet with an asscher cut, totally her style, she was already planning how to get it back, for free, of course. It was not her fault that the intel that got forgot to inform her that it was the same warehouse that had been used by Don Malone to hide drugs. And that when she broke in the place was no empty and Malone’s goons thought she was working for Falcone. Of course, no one believed her when she told them that she didn’t have anything to do with that.

You know, that’s why Selina had no trouble lying, because the truth hardly matters when someone wants to fuck you up, they will just do it for good measure, for fun, because sometimes you bloody deserve it for being the fool that nursed the fucking Batman back to health and were robbed by him.

But then, just as was she was about to accept that was how she’d meet her maker, a little leprechaun fell from the roof and said in a squeaky voice that she’d be okay.

“Geez, freaks are getting younger every day!”

Until Batman appeared and started defusing the bomb she thought she had already died and was having a very weird afterlife.

“He’s not a freak.”

“Oh… he’s with you!”

Maybe she was having a very weird afterlife. But why the hell her afterlife included the fucking Batman?

“He’s my… hmm… son.”

Wait, that was too weird for an afterlife.

“Your son? And his mother is okay with that? Jesus, isn’t he afraid of falling down?”

The boy had limbed a rope hanging from the roof and was hanging upside down by his pixie booted feet.

“He doesn’t have a mother,” Batman muttered as he still worked on her bomb, well, not hers. She owned no bombs, your honour. He was awfully talkative that night, that Batman. “Robin, behave!”

Oh my god, he was the leprechaun’s father! The information was just too good and at the same time she had no idea of what to do with it. It was the kind of prize she’d keep for herself.

“I’m behaving!” the high pitched boyish voice shouted back, but he did a flip and landed on the floor. She could say she was impressed. How old was that kid? Less than ten, she’d bet.

“Poor kitten, is she…”

“She died” he said so devoid of feeling that she raised an eyebrow. Of course Batman tended to be stoic, but, that was cold even for him.

“I’m sorry for your lost” she tried lamely.

He sighed. Batman actually sighed. What the hell was happening?

“I didn’t know her. He’s adopted.”

That night was one shocking revelation after another, wasn’t it?

“So… There isn’t a Mrs. Batman, then?”

What kind of lame line was that? Urgh. But was he… Nah. She was imagining it. He had not, in fact, sniffed her neck.

Of course, she couldn’t see, he was behind her, and although she could see Robin at the entrance very well because the light coming from outside reflected his little yellow cape as he amused himself by doing what looked like very dangerous acrobatics, where she was sitting, tied to a chair that was chained to a bomb, was completely dark. She could only hope he was really some sort of vampiric meta that could see in the dark otherwise letting him disarm the bomb was not the best of her decisions.

“It’s done.”

He released her. Selina rotated her wrists and stood up, relieved.

“Robin, let’s go!”

She watched as the boy let out a happy yelp and ran ahead, they could use that one as a limitless energy source and end climate change.

“Wait” she said walking around the chair to meet him in the dark “let me say thank you first, you just saved my life.”

“There’s no n-“

He couldn’t end the sentence when Selina blindly pressed her lips against his.

She meant to be a small playful peck, but Batman’s gloved hand slid to the small of her back, pulling her close and before she could think clearly about what she was doing, her arms were around his neck, hoisting her body up to fix their huge height difference issue. He parted her lips and slid his hot tongue against the roof of her mouth, the hard pointy part of his mask that protected his nose biting into her cheek.

“Ewww,” they broke the kiss to look at Robin’s small face wrinkled with disgust, but still remained in each other’s arms for a moment. And then, slowly, they turned their faces back forward.

Selina swallowed down, she still could taste him. And he was not letting her go, she had to be the one to pull her arms back, her hells touching the floor again.

She never thought she’d ever see Batman acting awkward but there was no other word to describe the way he grunted and stepped back before nodding to her and left, taking his little killjoy with him.

She stood there for a while.

She almost died.

She kissed the Batman.

Was cockblocked by Batman’s son.

Batman’s son??

What the fuck!

------------------------------

The rain made the power go out and I was looking through my WIPs. I really don’t remember writing this story lmao. But now It is finished and you can read it!

Please tell me what you think of it.

Kisses, see ya.

[homesickhalfling]

Barry S3 E2 - my thoughts as the episode aired. What do they call that? Live blogging? Whatever I'll put it under a cut to spare you

- wow he's so hot just leaning there fuck

- title card cut always makes me laugh

- THE COOLEST GIRL IN THE WORLD ♡ Elsie Fisher!

- "people don't argue in perfectly scripted arguments"

- the music changes when he enters the room. There's like a dull hum when he's there

- A PURPOSE

- oh my god the editing is great in this show. The slow pull and one sided perspective of this conversation.

- Pacing. Cinematography. Writing. Timing. THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A SHOW

- the head hitting again!

- yelling 😳😨 but 🥵😏

- Bill is such a FUCKING GREAT ACTOR

- the hypocrisy of her lie grows. She is writing about standing up to her abuser and getting out from under it (which was a lie) but now its clear to everyone that she never really did get out from under it because she's still being abused

- those poor girls are traumatized

- the door unlocking thing, so funny! How smart the way he sneaks in these organically funny moments into such serious ones

- Barry yelling at Cousineau in the trunk so plainly in front of the security guard that can clearly see there's no one else in the car so he is either (1) crazy and yelling to himself or (2) there's someone in the fuckin trunk???

- skinny papa moment- I've definitely had this moment in real life lmao

- the mug hehe such a tough crime boss drinking out of this silly mug

- you actually can report that to HR! You should! Domestic abuse partners showing up at work has killed many people (like that nurse a few years back) it still falls under workplace violence and harassment

- "You're a bad actor Mr cousineau" LOL

- "literally the worst date ever. I'm not exaggerating this time.. No look, he ordered MILK with dinner!" Fucking KILLED ME

- Africa by Toto again

- aww farmers market and sangria so gay

- Luke and Lorelai!!

- OMG CAITLYN RILEY HEY GIRRRRL!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU Holy shit

- D'Arcy Carden is so freaking cute 😍

- Barry flipping the script and using Cousineau's speech in his audition... wow

- "everyone deserves a second chance" 💔

- there's a lighthouse on Hanks hand (OFMD brain kicks in)

- "wait are you breaking up with me?" Nnooooo! Hes saying I love you!! Hes saying I love you too much to bear the thought of your death and I need you to live, which is why I have to leave. Amaaaazing heartwrenching writing.

- the extended sound effects as he leaves omg omg so good, way to make me laugh when I'm down

- more Metallica

- the plot exposition in this show is so *chefs kiss* my favourite thing about Barry is it never underestimates the audience. (Its so fucking meta and self aware) the show presents itself to a smart viewer who can glean the story development through the details in set dressing, blocking, lighting, sound, cinematography. It all works to tell the story so perfectly and doesn't try to hammer in the dumb shit we can know just from visual queues with bogged down or overdone dialogue.

- this phone call where she's apologizing after he yelled at her (1) and he's just acting like nothing even happened (2) is a very real (and again wildly self aware and meta) depiction of what an abusive and unhealthy relationship is like! She's stuck doing everything she can (making him dinner, putting on his fav music, buying him a new controller, saying she wants to hear that he's happy) just to placate this damaged man to try and keep his wrath away. This poor girl is just like me... can't keep herself away from damaged men.

-also the writing of her character to always think of herself first in every single scenario is just very organic and consistent and you'd barely notice it if she wasn't so goddam annoying

- Wilhelm scream!!!! YES BILL

- "I don't understandwhy you're leaving me" "you have too many dogs." With the visual gag of all the dogs chasing Cousineau in the background 🤣 (counted over 20 btw)

- "little girl" dude she's literally a grown ass adult

- crazy homeless man

- does he think he's dead? Omg the dog

- OMG BARRY'S THERE "we both committed a little too hard " omg omg so good omg scary 😭 scary smart and hot 🥵👌

- the seat pat!! I am delighted every second of this show

- "can you say it?" 😫 he is so broken omg that is terrifying

- *IMMEDIATELY RESTARTS EPISODE*

- "I swear on Janice's soul not to say a word to anyone".. and then he does!?!? to literally the first person he sees!!! Did she mean nothing to you? Wow

[cauldronofmorning]

I just needed to get one more Piercintyre meta out. “How Season Three Broke Up Hawkeye and Trapper before Welcome To Korea Happened” under the cut:

Disclaimer that while I don’t know if the MASH writers knew that Wayne Rogers was officially leaving at the end of the season, this is based off the assumption that they knew where the wind was blowing. If not intentional, there’s enough connecting evidence here anyway.

In the first season, it takes them until Bananas Crackers and Nuts to have their first ten second fight, over being in surgery for too long to fill up the still. Even just a short spat upsets them because Hawkeye is the reigning champion of co-dependence (Trapper would like to pretend he’s not) and that leads to eventually exaggerating a mental health episode. They sit in each other’s laps, banter like a couple and Hawkeye makes even bigger heart eyes when Trapper can’t see him.

It starts going a little wrong at Mail Call. They’ve argued before, talked past each other and Trapper’s been worried about Hawkeye’s sanity, but after male wife adorableness where Hawkeye loves Trapper talking about his kids, Trapper starts family spiralling that BJ perfected to an art form and steadily gets more drunk/depressed about not getting to see them grow up. Hawkeye eventually finds him manically packing a bag to go AWOL (naturally he’s jokey-scared that he did something wrong because the man is already a mess) and internally falls apart when he realizes Trapper is serious. It ends up okay because laughing at Frank is a good distraction, but they don’t talk about it outside of ribbing over a hangover, and Hawkeye nervously locks the bag away.

A lot of good and a lot of foreshadowing happens in Check Up. For the good, they love each other so much. Hawkeye is delighted to make Trapper laugh at the end when he’s taking care of him like he did in Carry On Hawkeye, they do manage to talk at least a little; Hawkeye being brave and proving “I’m the only one who can handle him” in BCN as having a lot of truth to it, and Trapper wanting to stay because of Hawkeye.

But that last part is also Trapper’s problem, and what hurts Hawkeye later on (and in turn BJ). He can’t say in earshot that he wants to stay “with… with…” [joke about the camp to diffuse the tension], he can’t dance for real with Hawkeye only when it’s for a joke, he can’t actually be scared and worried for Hawk’s mental state to his face in Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, and twice in Dear Dad and Aid Station, he reassures Hawkeye that there’s nothing to worry about and only lets the mask fall when Hawkeye is gone. Neither we or Hawkeye see the seventy two hours where Trapper and Radar try and contact him, so with all that, you can’t blame Hawkeye for having a (not the whole story) pattern of proof for thinking he wasn’t worth it.

Two episodes on, and after the homoerotic fever dream image of them riding a pony together, is Alcoholics Unanimous. Alcohol has already been the cause of some of their fights, the aforementioned Bananas, Crackers and Nuts, and the end of Iron Guts Kelly; where Hawkeye calls out Trapper for ignoring reality through booze, Trapper replies reality is up for grabs, and they both get distracted by nurses, which is really their problem summed up, but they end up going for the throat in more ways than one when alcohol gets taken away.

The first half of the episode is them being cute and co-dependent, well, alcoholics, but after the adorable boozing with Margaret and being left to their hungover, they start to feel claustrophobic with each other. It’s Hawkeye who starts being cruel first, as he often does when he’s trapped in a corner and wants to lash out (see the finale). He goads Trapper into a fight, casting himself as the girl again (borrowing Trap’s razor to shave his armpits) and digging in that Trapper is macho and boring for reading hunting and repair magazines.

Trapper eventually gets sick of him, and gives the attention Hawkeye’s been brattily aiming for. His problem is that Hawkeye’s never at a loss for words, something that Trapper has and will struggle with, and always the shot, always the needle. And after more needling, he loses his temper and gets shouty. When they’re about to throw breakable shit at each other (Hawkeye grabs Trapper’s ukelele that he’s been using to chill himself out this season) he’s the one that can stop and introspect a little that they might actually be alcoholics, while Hawkeye makes a crack about renting himself out to a firing squad if he thought that were true. Trapper either struggling or conflicted, while Hawkeye’s in denial or fine when he gets reassurance he needs, comes up a few times throughout the season.

They’re still fighting when it comes to Mulcahy’s sermon, to the joy of Margaret and Frank until it ends up with Frank getting hurt (and if you ever wanted to know who wins in a Trapper vs Hawkeye fight, it’s easily Trapper, though Hawkeye can flail his legs in interesting directions) and needing booze. Like Mail Call, Frank is a distraction both of them can use to not talk about what’s bothering them.

Next up is Adam’s Ribs. While they don’t fight in this one, it’s a much lighter version of Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, with Hawkeye running around having a manic episode and both Trapper and Henry looking concerned in the background. They’re worried he’s losing it and they’re right; when they leave (Henry dying, Trapper having to go while Hawkeye is on R&R), a piece of Hawkeye is gone no matter how much he and BJ lean and love each other. “Trapper went home; they're still coming. Henry got killed and they're still coming. Wherever they come from... they'll never run out.”

But it’s not even just about the ribs. Hawkeye barely hides anything in this episode; the “I love her”/”it’s a him”/”I love him” without missing a beat, that he’s always been a hedonistic mess when Trapper is faintly disgusted with him, that he thinks letting a stewardess force him is an acceptable thing to just casually shrug about and definitely not being subtle about his interest in “Big John”. Like he often does when Hawkeye gets too serious, either in general or about their relationship, Trapper looks concerned when Hawkeye leaves.

Mad Dogs and Servicemen goes into mental illness again, and there’s a big contrast between Hawkeye; who while still having to administer the tough love approach that the not there Sidney advises, does that thing where you try and empathize but end up foreshadowing… I mean making it about your issues and not helping by talking about how many breakdowns he has a day, and Trapper. Trapper is both seconds away from killing Frank when he dismisses mental illness and only Hawkeye manages to calm him down, and also manages to get the soldier to open up about his trauma by letting him talk about Boston and sports. The macho less good with words-just being the rock thing that Hawkeye needles him about actually helps this time.

Trapper struggling comes up again in Bulletin Board. He knows how Henry is feeling when he talks about there’s no point distracting yourself if the war will kick you in the teeth later. He also writes a letter to his seven year old daughter (Becky), telling her a kid-friendly version of saving kids with frostbite. She’s complained that he never tells them what he gets up to and of course he can’t because how can you put your at home children through that? But it also proves he doesn’t just hide from Hawkeye, as unlike most who wrote letters to their family, he chooses the most secluded times possible, and he tells her all he can do is make the best of things before turning the record off and looking haunted.

Like Dear Dad in the first season, Aid Station has Hawkeye having to go to the front again. Klinger and Radar giggle over his dresses, Margaret doms Frank and tells him she’ll kill him if he goes out with other nurses, and it immediately goes to Hawkeye telling Trapper he should go out with other doctors. It eventually gets serious in the only way they know how: Hawkeye looking afraid of the reaction he might get, bringing up his will, and when the mood is down, making a joke about his sluttiness. When he has to go, Trapper again does his job of reassuring (like he will Radar and Henry later on) and then his face falls in worry. On the other end, by the episode’s finish, Hawkeye has a connection with Margaret that Frank and Trapper assume could only be sexual, so they get closer while both pairings drift off.

The last time they fight is Pay Day. Hawkeye is trying to have a date while also trying to not get arrested for supposedly stealing money, while Trapper is as usual losing badly on a game. Hawkeye can’t give him fifty dollars, even an appeal to their friendship doesn’t work, and so Trapper steals his watch for stakes. When Hawkeye finds out, they have a short but explosive yelling session, and in a rarity for them, they do kind of talk about it, ending the episode on Hawkeye proving to Trapper he’s bad at card games.

Then it’s Abysinnia Henry, the last time we see Trapper and Henry. Henry’s plane gets shot down before he manages to make it home, and Hawkeye and Trapper try desperately to contact each other while Hawkeye is on a bender of an r&r and before Trapper’s plane leaves Korea. Trapper can’t find the words for a note, leaves Hawkeye with a kiss, and Hawkeye never gets closure. A season of drifting and it ends like that.

[thestupidhelmet]

I always got the impression that during Zen breakups, Donna more sided with Hyde than Jackie. What do you think?

Donna is often seen through an undeserved negative lens by a portion of T7S fans. Contradictions in her characterization do exist, thanks to inconsistent writing. But when her behavior, dialogue, and choices are examined closely, her true character is revealed. I do this in the metas linked below.

In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts).

In Defense of Donna: Supplemental

In Defense of Donna (Yet Again) in Her Relationship with Eric

Was Donna Mean to Jackie from Throughout Their Relationship?

Analyzing the facts burns away the foundation on which the biases about and misinterpretations of Donna’s character are built. After the cut, I discuss in detail her reactions to Jackie and Hyde’s breakups. She’s a far better person, and friend to Jackie, than is often recognized.

Jackie and Hyde’s first breakup occurs in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” (5x14), after Jackie shouts, “Get off my boyfriend!” to Annette about Kelso in the previous episode. Below is Donna and Jackie’s first discussion about it.

Donna: So, have you talked to Hyde about the whole, “Get off my boyfriend,” disaster? Jackie: No! And why is everyone making such a big deal about it? It's like every time I walk into a room, people look at me funny. Donna, how do you deal with it? Donna: Jackie, the reason people are making a big deal about it is because it sounds like you still have feelings for Kelso. Jackie: Well, I don't. I think the only reason I said it was because I was having an allergic reaction to the Formans' cheap, generic soda.

Here, Donna is being supportive of both Hyde and Jackie. She cares about them and their relationship. Jackie, however, has a tendency toward denial and self-delusion, which Donna has experienced extensively. She wants Jackie to be honest with herself, face reality, and not put herself or Hyde through the pain she went through with Kelso during seasons 1-4.

The next time in the episode Donna talks about this situation is with Annette at The Hub.

Annette: Guys, I really think there's some unfinished business between Michael and Jackie. When they were together, did she make him happy? Donna: Well, she totally dominated him and made him feel bad about himself. Annette: I guess what I'm really asking is, was she ever fat or anything?

Donna’s assessment isn’t accurate and nowhere near complete. This is not the fault of Donna but the writers, whose take on Jackie and Kelso is made clear in “Everybody Loves Casey” (4x26). Despite the few concessions the writers make during Jackie and Kelso’s exchange that give Jackie some sympathy, the onus for the toxicity of their relationship is put on Jackie. New “facts” that are never mentioned or shown in the series before this episode are introduced so that Kelso can give Jackie the responsibility for his cheating and the audience will agree with him, at least in part.

Donna’s assessment of Jackie and Kelso’s relationship in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” reflects the point of view given in “Everybody Loves Casey”. What actually occurs during seasons 1-4 contradicts this assessment. Jackie encourages Kelso and bolsters his self-esteem (see “The Forgotten Son” [4x09] for one of many examples). She buys him so many presents that he owes her $8,265 in 1977 (see “Baby Fever” [3x07)], which is the equivalent to $35,525 today (due to inflation).

Yes, Jackie also berates him, but she most often does so when he mistreats her by lying, cheating, and generally disrespecting her. She also tries to control him in certain situations, like how many of her stuffed animals she’ll keep in his van or refusing to break up with him when he asks to in “Red’s Last Day” (2x02).

But the so-called total domination Donna claims Jackie had over Kelso is false. If it were true, Kelso never would’ve cheated on her with Pam Macy, Laurie, a girl from Sacred Heart. He wouldn’t have avoided her for a week after the first time they have sex or treat her like a servant once he gets in contact with her again. He wouldn’t have ignored her many nos about having sex until she’s exhausted by his relentlessness and given into what he wants. The list goes on.

The point, though, is that real!Donna would not have said Jackie “totally dominated [Kelso] and made him feel bad about himself.” Real!Donna -- who’d tried to get Jackie to break up with cheating Kelso then stay broken up with him -- would have said that Jackie and Kelso made each other miserable and that it wasn’t a healthy relationship for either of them. This assessment would have given Annette, a virtual stranger, enough information without betraying Jackie’s privacy.

Jackie enters The Hub soon after this conversation.

Jackie: Donna, Steven broke up with me. Donna: Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry.

Donna is sincere in her compassion. She doesn’t say, “You deserved it,” or, “What did you expect?” Her friend is hurting, and Donna feels for her.

This is the last interaction between Donna and Jackie before Jackie and Hyde reconcile in this episode. Donna’s empathy is obviously for Jackie. We get no scenes between Donna and Hyde or dialogue from Donna that shows she believes Hyde is in the right for breaking up with her. She just wants Jackie to recognize why Hyde might feel hurt by Jackie calling Kelso her boyfriend.

Jackie and Hyde’s next breakup happens in “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” (5x23). Kelso tells Donna about Hyde sleeping with the nurse.

Kelso: [Hyde] doesn’t know it but I saw him kissing this lady at the hotel. Donna: Oh, my God, that’s horrible. Kelso: I wanna do the right thing, right? So I’m thinking that I’ll just tell Jackie, and then she’ll feel really bad. Then I’ll console her, and -- presto! -- we’re making out topless! Donna: No, Kelso! The thing to do is to tell Hyde that you know and then give him a chance to tell Jackie.

Again, Donna is concerned for the well-being of both Jackie and Hyde and their relationship. She cares about both of them, but Hyde’s behavior / choice is likely incomprehensible to her at this point.

Once Jackie breaks up with Hyde and the full truth is out, Hyde calls Jackie at Donna’s. Donna wants Jackie to talk to him, but Jackie hangs up the phone, and Donna pleads Hyde’s case

Donna:  I think this whole thing was a misunderstanding. Hyde didn’t know what was going on. Jackie: I know, okay? But after Michael, I promised myself that I would never be with another boy who cheated on me. Donna: But Hyde’s so good for you. Since you started dating him you’ve completely stopped quoting Nancy Drew.

Donna’s point of view, again, reflects the writers’ -- that Hyde’s transgression is a “stupid, one-time thing.” If Hyde had actually been written as real!Hyde during this episode and arc (after sleeping with the nurse), he would’ve put Jackie’s pain and feelings ahead of his own, shown true and lasting contrition along with self-awareness, and not expect forgiveness.

Donna’s argument would be much stronger if Hyde hadn’t displayed similar behavior to Kelso’s in season 2 (e.g., acting entitled to Jackie’s forgiveness and growing hostile toward her when he doesn’t get it in his desired time frame). Hyde’s relationship with Jackie does inspire her to grow and change, but that doesn’t negate his betrayal of her -- or vice versa.

Donna needed to give Jackie empathy in this moment rather than try to fix what Hyde had broken, but she does so right after Jackie rejects Donna’s argument to give Hyde a chance. Jackie cries on her shoulder, and Donna holds her during it.

Before Jackie and Hyde reconcile in “Join Together” (6x02), Donna continues to point out the positive effect Jackie’s relationship with Hyde had on Jackie. She’s neither Team Jackie nor Team Hyde. She’s Team Jackie-and-Hyde. She’s supportive of and compassionate toward Jackie while also maintaining faith in Hyde’s innate goodness.

Donna believes that Hyde, at his core, isn’t a cheater. That he isn’t Kelso, but this doesn’t excuse Hyde’s transgression. What’s missing during this breakup arc is a scene where Donna confronts Hyde about what he did, why he chose to act out instead of talk to Jackie, and where she tells him he has to own his crap. This would have connected nicely story-wise (or grown out of) the lessons she should have learned with Eric in season 5 had the show not rushed into their engagement arc.

Donna could have brought up Hyde’s childhood, the source of his deep fear of abandonment, and how he allowed this fear to seep into his relationship with Jackie. Hyde, then, might have admitted he’d fallen for Jackie when she’d chased him back in season 3 and felt betrayed by her ultimately rejecting him for Kelso.

Hyde: I guess that crap came up again when she became my girlfriend. Part of me always believed she’d always go back to him.

Unfortunately, the writers didn’t make these story and character connections, and the characterization and story suffered because of it.

During Jackie and Hyde’s season 7 breakups, Donna behaves similarly as described above. She’s Team Jackie-and-Hyde. She supports both her friends and believes they’re happiest (and best) when together. She brings Jackie to her martial arts class to get out her rage at Hyde in a healthy way. She consistently teases Hyde about his love for Jackie so he won’t deny it to himself or quit fighting for it. She’s always got a hug for Jackie when she needs it, and she calls Hyde on his B.S. (finally) in season 7.

So, no, Donna doesn’t side more with Hyde over Jackie after their breakups. She an equal friend to both of them, despite the flaws in the writing.