Tommy’s ears feel like they have cotton stuffed in them.
“I-.” Tommy licks his lips, panic is crawling up his throat at what Evan just said, because it can’t be possible. “Can you repeat that, babe?”
Evan grunts, and there’s hushed whispers and slamming doors, and maybe a slightly louder noise of Hen yelling in the distance, and Tommy knows the 118 firehouse well enough to know that Evan is hiding in the corner of the changing rooms.
“I said, Gerrard is captain of the 118.” Evan is speaking so quietly that the phone mic is barely picking him up, but Tommy hears him loud and clear.
His heart skips a beat at the confirmation.
“Fuck,” Tommy whispers. “But how?”
“Good question,” Evan hisses. “Bobby quit, and didn’t tell us, and that’s beside the point.”
Tommy nods, it is beside the point. Tommy should be comforting Evan right now, assuring him that they can talk to someone, that it’s okay, this isn’t permanent, and-
Yet, all his brain is repeating is, “were we affectionate at the ceremony?”
Tommy says it out loud without meaning, and he blinks because that isn’t at all what he meant to say, but his mouth is moving without his permission.
“I mean, I don’t know if Gerrard would have noticed if we were, I know I was very stiff, and yes, he knows I’m gay, but he doesn’t know you’re out and-,”
Evan isn’t speaking.
Tommy can’t shut up.
“-and that doesn’t even matter. He was reassigned for discriminatory actions against multiple members of the 118, two of which are still serving, so how is he even back? Who approved this?”
Tommy’s brain is kind of in overdrive, trying to think of how’s, why’s, and fix it, fix it, fix it.
“I reported him for multiple instances of homophobia and racism, and you’re my boyfriend, and he’s captain again, and-,” Tommy takes a deep breath, “shit, I shouldn’t be complaining about myself. You called to commiserate. Shoving all that back into a dark corner of my mind.”
“That doesn’t sound very healthy,” Evan finally says, and it’s deadpan, dry, with maybe a slight hint of sarcasm to it. (Some part of Tommy blames the frequent date nights, and maybe Tommy is rubbing off on him, but also maybe there’s a layer to Evan that Tommy still hasn’t uncovered yet.)
Tommy hums, biting down on his lip to stop himself from spurting anymore nonsense.
“You ask all the exact same questions that Hen and Chimney just asked,” Evan says with a sigh, and then even quieter, and a little defeated. “You were right.”
“I was…right?”
“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Evan says.
Tommy takes a moment to curse past Tommy for being a cynic, despite being right, because he hates that defeated monotone from Evan’s mouth. It sounds wrong. And Tommy caused it.
Deadpan humour and realism may be how Tommy copes, but not even he could have predicted that a disgraced captain would be invited back into their previous role.
“No, no, I’m-,” Tommy groans, and covers the phone mic to say, “shut up, idiot,” to himself, and then uncover it again. He needs to be calm and collected and reassure his boyfriend right now.
There’s the tell-tale sound of alarms suddenly in Evan’s background and the moment has passed. A clang that Tommy knows means Evan just kicked the lockers.
“I gotta go,” Evan says, close to the mic, it sounds hollow.
Tommy nods, but then when he remembers that Evan can’t see that, you idiot, says, “yeah, I can hear.”
Tommy knows that Evan wants nothing less than to go on calls with Gerrard, but over a decade of dealing with the man comes to mind. “Don’t make yourself a target, keep out of trouble, and please, don’t be insubordinate. Just for today. Just until we know what’s happening.” And unspoken don’t mention me, don’t mention your sexuality, hide yourself, just for a day.
“Tommy,” Evan trails off, and there is an unimpressed air to his voice.
Tommy closes his eyes, grips his hands against his thighs. “Please, Evan,” he doesn’t want to beg, but he’s not above it, because he knows Vincent Gerrard inside and out.
Someone yells for Buck, the sirens get louder, and Tommy feels that panic spike again.
“You’ve got to go,” Tommy insists. “Just today,” he repeats.
Evan sighs, loud down the line. “Okay, okay, I-.” Evan curses. “Just today.”
Relief blossoms in Tommy’s chest, right alongside a kernel of shame that might have found it’s way there during the ceremony and rooted itself regardless of how much Tommy hated it. He hates himself for asking it of Evan, but he doesn’t regret it.
“Thanks,” Tommy says.
Evan snorts. Another person yells for Buck.
“I really-,” Evan starts to say, and Tommy hears the siren and the hubbub of the station as Evan moves through it.
“Go,” Tommy rushes out. “Come over tonight. We can talk about it then, just, at my place. Please.”
“See you tonight,” Evan promises.
“Be safe,” Tommy whispers, hushed, scared that Gerrard might hear him even through Evan’s phone.
Maybe Evan has a similar fear because his reply is equally as quiet. “Of course.”
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