#now this is half a crack theory to be honest

[will80sbyers]

Oh shit wait it kinda looks like someone without a leg... ? Istg if someone loses a leg and this was foreshadowing for that they need more help than I do 😂

[lovelytsunoda]

i can't get no satisfaction // mick schumacher

summary: camping out in the library after hours, and too stressed to retain information, the student librarian has an idea about how take all of that stress away. and it doesn’t involve reference books.

pairing: college librarian!mick x student reader

warnings: sex in a library, semi-public sex, this is so fucking filthy, mick is a sweetheart but he has a dirty fucking mouth. mentions of masturbation and sex toys. why does this man bring out the feral in me? the terms ‘librarian’ and ‘sir’ used in a sexual context (but in a playful way…for the most part)

authors note: now tell me why I can add a song here but tumblr won’t let me add ‘shallow’ as a song link to my angsty top gun fic and I had to publish it without?

there was a reason she always picked that table. a reason she’d started coming to the library in tight tops and cutoff shorts.

it gave her the prime viewing across the old library, beyond the green tiffany lamps, at the perfectly coiffed head of of blonde hair that rested behind the check in desk.

mick fucking schumacher. he was the reason most girls came to the library, if she was to be honest.

however, there was no time for that today, astronomy textbooks strewn across her table as she poured over star charts. she didn’t realize how late it had gotten, her test review notes only half filled out and an exam creeping up on her.

her ballpoint pen trailed across the computer paper as she recorded the names of the main theories behind how the moon formed, mumbling to herself in an attempt to remember the facts better. she had one Bluetooth earbud in, playing jazz music softly to prevent her mind from wandering.

it was all hands on deck if she wanted a chance in hell of passing her elective course.

two hands clapped down on her shoulders. she started, yelping as her pen trailed a thick black line across her page before clattering to the floor. heart racing, she yanked her headphone out, head whirling to see who had interrupted her.

“oh my goodness, I’m so sorry.”

mick. he stood behind her, clad in tight black slacks and and untucked dress shirt, the top few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to just before his elbows.

and, oh god, were her nipples perking up underneath her halter top?

“no, no, I should have paid more attention.” her voice was shaking, cracking slightly. “did you need something?”

“we closed like, fifteen minutes ago.” mick said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t want to disturb you, but I’m not getting paid overtime and I kind of wanted to go home.”

she sighed, massaging her forehead wrinkles with her fingertips. “yeah, okay. sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was getting.”

her stomach sank to the floor. she felt guilty for keeping him, and a sense of crushing dread when she realized how little information she really retained.

and under the student librarians gaze, his stunning ocean eyes boring holes into her skull?

she’d be damned to admit it out loud, but she felt horny as hell. she was so stressed with exams, and so wired from trying to study that masturbation was the only way she could get herself to go to sleep: tire out the body, and the mind will follow.

but her fingers didn’t cut it any more, nor did the tiny vibrator her roommate made her buy on a whiteclaw-fuelled trip to the local spencer’s.

“okay, just give me a second and I can help you put all of these away. I feel bad for keeping you now.”

mick helped her gather her things and tidy the table, offering her a metal shelving cart to load full of all the textbooks she didn’t need. they moved in an awkward silence as the blond reshelved the books and she pushed the cart.

“so, astronomy?” mick clicked his tongue, shelving a book on star charts.

“yeah, it’s a shitty fucking elective, that’s what it is. it’s causing me more stress than my actual subject major.” she snorted, sliding a few other books into the shelf. “I’m pre-law, but I’m not even sure if law school is what I want any more. right now, I just want to shut down, if I’m being honest.”

she stepped back from the shelf, moving to go around the cart when mick spoke up.

“so is that why you barely looked in my direction today?”

she stopped cold, her foot thudding against the side of the heavy metal cart. she bit back a curse, stumbling as mick caught her, pressing her body up against the shelving cart.

“I know you have a crush on me. I think it’s cute. you’re cute.” his voice was husky, and there was barely any space between them. her heart was beating faster, heat rising in her cheeks. “there’s a reason I always work at that desk too. seeing you makes my day.”

he was so close to her that she could have kissed him if he wanted to. all she would have had to do was press up on her toes to match his height, and gently touch her lips to his.

“don’t hide from me, pretty girl.” mick whispered. “I know how pent up you are, I can see it in the way your body responded as I ran my hands over your back. I want to help you. let me help.”

she swallowed, thoughts racing as she gripped his arms, looking up into his cobalt eyes.

she needed this.

needed him.

“yes.”

when mick kissed her, it felt like all the air was leaving her lungs. he was intoxicating, the heady scent of his cologne overwhelming her senses. she moaned into the kiss, aching and longing for human contact.

“my sweet girl.” he mumbled, trialing kisses up her jaw and over behind her ear, hands coming up to knead her sensitive breasts as she leaned back against the shelving cart. “when was the last time someone treated you right?”

“s-six months.” she stuttered, panting heavily.

it was pathetic, mick had barely even done anything and she was seconds away from whining for him.

he clicked his tongue, gripping her waist and pushing her back further against the cart. a few reference books fell to the floor, but neither student noticed. his breath was warm against her ear, the tip of his nose brushing her cartilage and making her shiver.

“that’s just won’t do. whenever you came in here, I bet you were thinking about sitting under my desk and using your cute little mouth the keep my cock warm.”

noticing how her body tensed up, the boy changed his tune. “or maybe you’re not into that. maybe you just wanted me to whisk you away to the rare book room and press you up against the bookshelf, have my way with you. our dirty little secret”

ah, yes. that was the reaction he was looking for, her thighs clenching at the thought as he slotted his knee on between her legs.

“that’s my girl.” mick cooed as she grinded against his thigh. “you just need my cock to fill you up, don’t you? those fingers of yours just aren’t the same, are they?”

she opened her mouth to respond, forehead resting against his, when she leaned back too far, the cart tumbling out from behind her.

mick caught her by the waist, smoothly spinning around and returning her to her feet, ignoring the toppled cart. nose to nose, the absurdity of the situation dawned on her.

and she laughed.

and he laughed with her.

that was what she needed from a man. someone who could laugh with her, even during their most intimate of moments, someone who let all the best parts of his non-bedroom personality shine through while also knowing exactly what she needed him to say to get her off.

a gentleman.

and that’s what mick schumacher was.

he carried her bridal style back to the long mahogany table, placing her down gently and sweetly before giving her a sweet kiss, his tongue teasing the seam of her lips.

“so, pretty girl, the ball is in your court now.” mick began, taking her warm hands in his cold ones. “whatever you need me to do, I’ll do.”

“I mean, I’ve heard the rare book room is super sexy. the smell of old books is like an aphrodisiac for me.” she said in a sing-song voice, thinking about his teasing from earlier. “then again, so are the vaulted ceilings in here.”

“I bet I could make you come so hard for me that you can see those stars on the ceiling fresco with your eyes closed.”

“wanna bet, pretty boy?” she was confident in her decision, but there was still nervousness behind her eyes.

she’d felt the way his dick pressed up against the seams of the zipper on his slacks. taking it was going to hurt.

he kissed her nose softly, fingers reassuringly rubbing circles on her skin. “I’ve got you, princess. you just need to relax and let me fuck all of that stress out of your pretty little head.”

she kissed him again, one hand on either side of his neck as she tried to press her body up against his, body flushed with need.

he gently turned her around, guiding her body so that she was bent over the table, the wood cool against her body.

mick playfully smacked her ass over her denim shorts.“such a pretty girl for your librarian, aren’t you?”

instead of the expected response, mick was delighted to get a laugh out of her. her giggles made him high, heat rising on his skin.

“was that supposed to be sexy?” she giggled, one hand reaching behind her to cradle his, thumb passing over his knuckles.

“maybe.” mick chirped. “baby, you’ve gotta let me have my other hand so I can get your shorts off.” she let go of his hand, allowing his smooth fingers to undo the button and gently draw the denim down her legs. “and for the record, I think that librarian is a damn sexy title.”

“but it’s not really a title.” she laughed, enjoying the feeling of his hands on her body, massaging the flesh of her ass before tugging her cotton panties to the side.

he smacked her ass again, cock perking up at the tiny moan she let out. “it can be whatever I damn well want it to be, princess.” his voice was playful, and it made her wet to no end.

she needed this adorable idiot to fuck her.

now.

there was little warning as he slipped two fingers into her, the cold of the rings on his fingers making her squeal as he started to flex his digits.

his fingers were so fucking long. they felt so much better than her own fingers did, that was for sure.

“that’s my pretty girl, taking my fingers like a goddamn champion. you’re fucking dripping, princess.” mick cooed, moaning at the sight of her arousal running down his wrist, the sound his fingers made as he scissored them inside of her. “atta girl, so good for your librarian, aren’t you?”

“yes.” she panted, bucking her hips against his fingers with a cry, reaching back to grab his free hand with the hand that wasn’t holding her steady on the desk. “oh, fuck, sir.”

god, she needed this. and for a nerdy guy, he sure fucking knew how to use his fingers.

she felt his hand come down on her ass again. “what did you call me?” his voice was light, with the hint of a smile behind it. “I want you to say it again, princess.”

“mhm, yes sir, please, I need more.” she exaggerated the moan, a playful smile on her face as she played right into micks hands.

she liked this banter they had going, this carefree way of looking at something most people took so seriously. no, this was an experience that felt uniquely her whereas other guys she had been with just did what they always did, not caring about what she needed to get off.

but with mick, yes, that dominant demeanour was still there, but in a gentle ‘let me take care of you’ way.

and that was sexy as fuck.

she whined as mick withdrew his fingers, tapping her side with two of his fingers. “turn around, pretty girl. I don’t like not being able to see your stunning face.”

while her thighs tingled, her chest bloomed with affection and love at the thought that mick thought she was pretty.

and it was true. the library was dim, the warm lighting from the tiffany lamps framing the flyaways from her hair and the pink in her cheeks. the cupids bow of her lips, and that gorgeous fucking smile.

he was so down bad for her, it made his cock ache.

she perched on the edge of the desk, wincing and attempting to hide her embarassment at the wet patch she was leaving on the old table, the unshaven landscape of her thighs (and between her legs).

goosebumps rose on her arms as she watched mick lick her juices off her fingers, moaning at the taste like it was his favourite thing in the world. sensing the goosebumps, he ran his hands up her arms to warm her up.

“you decide how far we go tonight, love. how many orgasms do you want?”

oh fuck.

mick laughed sweetly, seeing the overwhelmed look on her face. he kissed her forehead tenderly, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “how about we start with one and see you feel from there.”

“yeah. I’d like that.” she answered shyly, feeling the cold creep in.

the old library was drafty, yet kept to a very specific temperature. she expected to be overheating from how hot this encounter was, but alas, the air conditioning system just had to go and ruin it

“here.” mick said softly, undoing his shirt to expose the silver chain that rested below his sternum, a pendant with an orthodox saint carved into it.

he undid the shirt slowly, allowing her ample time to rake her prying eyes over every perfectly sculpted part of his body, right down to the tent in his pants.

sliding the shirt fully off, he used both hands to drape the soft fabric over her body. she swooned at the motion, letting him flip the collar up against her neck.

“don’t want you catching a cold now, do we, sweet girl?” he said sheepishly, his face flushed pink and a sheen of sweat on his abs as he cupped her face, leaning in to kiss her softly.

“mick.” she whined. “I need you now. I’m aching for my librarian to make me feel good.”

“I’ve got you, princess. I’ve got you.” he hummed, undoing the button on his slacks. he pushed down his boxers, erect cock springing to life.

“holy fuck.” she hummed.

his dick was impressive. all seven thick inches of it, resting against her thigh when she opened her legs and pulled him closer. she wasn’t even sure if it was possible for a dick to be pretty, but if it was, micks cock was the very definition of the word.

“so wet for me. I’ll slide right on home.” mick said, gripping his cock in one hand and running it all along her slicked up opening. now she knew her goosebumps weren’t from the cold, but from the anticipation of what was to come next.

“please, I need your cock.” she whined.

“whatever my girl wants, she gets. you just relax and let your librarian fuck all those little worries away.”

he slid in slowly, letting her adjust to take him inch by inch. the stretch burned slightly, and she found herself opening her legs wider with every inch. she had a white-knuckled grip on the table, her breaths coming out in a mixture of strangled moans and pants.

when he finally slid fully in, his heavy balls resting against her ass, she opened her eyes and changed a look down at where they connected, a moan leaving her mouth.

“that’s just what you needed, isn’t it love? a fat cock to fill you up and make you feel good.”

it was a question he didn’t expect an answer from as he started to thrust in and out of her, hands gripping her thighs to pull her in.

“oh, god!” she whined throwing her head back, breasts bouncing under her top as mick slammed into her. “feels so good, mick.”

“that’s my girl.” his voice was low and husky, but also soothing. his hands on her body was a grounding presence.

her fingernails scraped down his chest, leaving pink marks in their wake as she moaned, babbling incoherently about how good mick was making her feel.

it was heavenly. he overwhelmed every one of her senses. it was an out of body experience, if she was being honest. something out of her wildest dreams.

mick kissed her again, groaning into her mouth as he pistoned his cock in and out of her. she was practically dripping everywhere, but had no time or energy to worry about the mess she was making.

all she could think about was how good she felt with mick inside of her.

“just breathe, darling. you’re doing so fucking good for me.”

he shifted her position on the desk, maneuvering one of her legs over his shoulder. she yelped in pleasure, nails sinking into his shoulders as she screamed a curse.

“fuck, that feels so good!”

the new angle was dizzying, his length brushing up against her spongy walls with every thrust. her eyes rolled back and her vision went blurry from pleasure as she meweled under his touch.

“that’s it, pretty girl. come for me. come for your librarian.”

“oh, fuck, mick, I-“ her words tapered off into a hearty moan, micks shirt lying in a puddle behind her as she wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her head in his chest as she came with a cry of his name, tears leaking from her eyes. “mick.”

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” mick cooed, kissing her forehead as he slowed his thrusts, gently working her through her orgasm. “there we go, you’re safe here. just breathe with me, can you do that, princess?”

she nodded, out of breath as mick gently eased her achy leg off his shoulder and back down to the table. he slid out of her, and the empty feeling made her whine. he gently shushed her, covering her face in kisses.

“mick, you never finished.” she pouted

“don’t worry about it, princess. this was about you. all that mattered to me was that you got your earth shattering orgasm.”

she rolled her eyes, reaching for his still-hard cock. “let me do something nice for you, dumbass.”

and who was mick to complain when she was doing such a good fucking job stroking his cock? her hands were smooth and soft, and the angelic way that she looked up at him, that sweet smile on her swollen lips while her hands worked him to the edge?

within minutes he was bellowing, spurting thick measures of come over her hands and down her arm, his entire body shaking.

“Jesus Christ.” he muttered. “you’re good at that.”

“when you hate giving blowjobs, you learn how to give a damn good handjob.” she smiled softly, unsure what to do with her sticky hands.

mick scooped her up gently, carrying her away from the desk and down the long hall to the staff bathroom. “come on, love. let’s get you cleaned up.”

after they were somewhat presentable (because, after all, there’s little you can do about the flushed skin and sex hair when you’re still in a public library), they gathered the last of their belongings and started to shut the library down for the day.

“what about the shelving cart?” she asked shyly, gesturing to the cart they had knocked over.

mick laughed. “I don’t work tomorrow, so it’s someone else’s problem.”

she watched with a soft smile as mick turned all the lights in the old building off, before he linked his arm with hers and they began the walk out of the parking lot.

“I hate to sound presumptuous,” mick began “but you’ve been here all day and I haven’t seen you leave to get food or anything. you must be starving. there’s an all night diner about two blocks from here, and I’d like to treat you to dinner.”

she smiled, kissing his cheek. “I’d love that, mick. thank you.”

and they both knew that this was going to be the start of something wonderful.

as soon as exams were over, of course.

the rest of the student body’s female population was not going to be happy when they showed up at the library and found that y/n y/l/n had finally captured their librarian’s heart.

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @diorleclerc @twinkodium @thatsdemko @httpiastri @sidcrosbyspuck

[justalildumpling]

chapter 26: my soulmate

wc: 0.6k

If Jeno was going to be completely honest, he had no fucking clue what he was doing — partially due to acting upon his fight or flight response when you had mentioned the whole girlfriend ordeal. 

It wasn’t like he had never thought about making the two of you official (who was he kidding, he thought about it almost every day). But as a certified simp and part-time samoyed puppy, he wanted everything to be perfect, and if perfect meant standing on an empty beach digging up a pretty pathway and scattering rose petals for the past three hours, he would do it.

It had been around half an hour since he had texted you to come to this very specific beach — which he spent every minute anxiously fiddling with the bouquet of roses in one hand and fixing his wind-swept locks in the other. However, when he spotted your car pull up next to the boardwalk, he realised that he was not prepared for this moment, especially seeing the way your eyes sparkled as you met his gaze.

There was a little cute skip in your step as you hurriedly down the steps and to his position on the beach, your white cocktail dress dancing in the wind and the corners of your lips gradually rising as you got closer. 

Jeno could almost see the wedding arches and bells in the background, almost dropping the bouquet on the sandy surface as his hands instinctively reached out to hold you in some way.

“Jeno, what’s with all this?” You squealed, receiving the roses from his shaky grasp.

It was tranquil in that moment for the boy, with the girl of his dreams inhabiting the most beautiful smile and sharing the sweetest gaze with his little self, like all anxieties had washed away with his eyes crinkling into crescent moons and the words of “Will you accept to be my soulmate Y/N?” tumbling out of his lips without a second thought.

Your mouth parted for a split second, eyes hammering with a sense of shock and delight before a soft look adorned your face, “You finally accepted the soulmate request huh?” 

Jeno rolled his eyes, “Who says we can’t be both twin flames and soulmates?” 

You smiled, placing the bouquet on the sand before enclosing your arms around his neck, “Maybe we can test that theory,” you leaned closer into his ear, whispering the next few words, “I heard that if you kiss me and the world doesn’t blow up, we were made for each other.” 

Jeno could only chuckle, shaking his head, “You’re always full of surprises aren't you?” 

“Well, clearly you liked the suspense so now we’re here aren't we?” 

You scrunched your nose in glee, your giggles tickling his lips before he closed the gap. It almost felt like a scene out of a movie, with the waves crashing into the sand not too far into the distance and the rose petals once scattered neatly onto the path circling their figures from the wind and most importantly you, the way your laughs sounded so melodic in his ears, your perfect smile glistening in the golden sunlight and how he could finally call you his. 

Jeno didn’t vibe with chaos and unpredictability. But weirdly enough, the suspense and wrecking ball of events you had brought into his boring old life he found himself compelled to. And for the first time, he found himself agreeing with Chenle and his weird beliefs of the universe because a part of him began thinking that he had indeed found his soulmate, his other half, his twin flame.

masterlist || previous | next 

pairing: jeno x fem! reader

synopsis: chenle was convinced that his two introverted friends were destined for each other, so what does he do? bribe them to text each other of course ⎯ or alternatively, when jeno started to fall for an anonymous mutual friend of chenle's

genre: social media au, strangers to lovers, college au, FLUFF, crack

warnings: swearing

note: sorry for the delayed and short updateKAEBFOWWGBW ive been sick for the past week and been stuck in the worst writers block ever😭 but GUYSSSS the finale's next week can u believe it????

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[inconveniently-discorporated]

Hello,

What do you think about that really 'not like Aziraphael' smile of Aziraphael's at the very end of the credits?

Honestly, I have half a dozen competing theories about it in my head.

My favorite theory comes from a sentence from one of the fanfics I shoved into the back room a couple years ago (aka I never finished/published it). The sentence goes something like this:

Whenever a fresh wave of paranoia came over him, he would force a smile back onto his face, and think of the greater good. At one point, he had a seatmate. Somewhere between the fourth errant smile and tenth, Aziraphale had looked up to discover that his seatmate had unceremoniously abandoned him.

Like -- you know how they say doing a power pose will literally make you feel more powerful, or forcing a smile or a laugh will literally release happy chemicals? That's what I feel like he's doing at the end, and it looks just as deranged as I imagined it would when I wrote that sentence (hence scaring off the poor seatmate).

He honestly looks a bit off his rocker, and I think he kind of is. He went from an emotional high of landing this massive opportunity (so he sees it), to having his balloon popped in one fell swoop by Crowley. He almost didn't go, but then decided to anyway. He must be so amped up on every emotion in that moment. There's tremendous pressure, both from the Metatron/Heaven and his own determination that he is NOT going to be proven wrong about this.

There's moments in his expression -- those little micro flinches Michael Sheen is so well-loved for, where you can see the facade beginning to crumble. You can see, like beams of light filtering their way through cracks in the clouds, where the gravity of it all starts to pull at him again. He then quickly repairs those cracks, perhaps by reminding himself of all the wonderful and beautiful things he thinks Heaven should be, all the things he wants to do.

Another smile. He's not an idiot. He'll show Crowley. He'll show them all. He CANNOT break. It's too late, he's already gone. He's in it now, and especially now that he knows what's at stake (the second coming), he has to do this, in his mind. And he will. He's going to. He stopped the apocalypse! He's honest and a leader! So Michael and Uriel still hate him -- he has the Voice of God at his back! They won't ever do to another angel what they did to him.

The final smile, covering up the biggest doubts. He's going to do this. He HAS to do this. It's time to stop thinking about what just happened. He's about to step into a hive of bees, and he had better hope the colony doesn't reject him as their new leader.

And they won't, he's assuring himself. That bigger smile, the one that somehow crinkles his eyes -- because he knows that's what smiles are supposed to do -- but never reaches them all the same. I think he's wearing that smile the way Crowley wears his glasses, with his real feelings buried deep inside, where no one can find them -- not even himself. Because he can't let that happen. Because he has to succeed.

[taylortruther]

Ok so I was listening to Maisie Peters recently and she's got a lyric about an ex that goes "I can write you out the way I wrote you in" and let me tell you my jaw DROPPED...and now with all The Manuscript talk it makes me think that what if it's similar to that line?

Like half of Taylor's discography, all the storytelling and worldbuilding was for HIM (as in he was the muse for all her love songs since Rep to Midnights), SHE glorified his existence to a level where after the breakup there's fans taking HIS side based on the way she portrayed him in the story.

Makes me think about how when you're in love with someone all their flaws start to look like good traits and romanticism is a disease that we've all been sick from atleast once.

Maybe Taylor is going to reference her old songs and scenarios that were in those songs, and write bout them from a new and honest perspective throughout the album.

So Long, London being a direct reference to London Boy corroborates my theory, but maybe Manuscript's whole theme is just. I wrote this story and made you the main character, I can reclaim the narrative just the same.

Everything we know about Jaylor (ugh) was from her writing. We all thought it was a fairytale star crossed romance because of HER. Also, cue themes of Taylor deluding herself into believing that everything was perfect through themes of fiction, because that's how SHE wanted the story to go, maybe there were cracks In the armor that the songs didn't talk about. Maybe she'll rewrite everything from a clarified perspective now that she is ready to tell the truth.

A manuscript very literally means the author's version of a text that's handwritten, raw and unpublished. No proofreading, no alterations done yet. Truly just an unfiltered form of work. We're getting the skeletal versions of all the floral and grandiose love songs written over the years. Draw your conclusions from that freely.

JUST A THEORY BTW

i strongly feel this - her ownership of her side of the story, her ownership of her art in a literal and figurative sense - is going to be a big part of the album. the snippet we have, "so i enter into evidence...my muses, acquired like bruises" and the imagery (of files, artifacts, evidence) implies that as well. to me anyway!

[toastofthetrashfire]

Shadow the Series and Hamlet

Okay so after finishing the first half of Shadow there’s so much to unpack. So instead of doing the research I should be doing for my dissertation, let’s dig into some connections between literature and BL once again!

This won’t be a fully formed meta, and I’ll probably have to make a whole other post once the whole series is out. But I wanted to start thinking about how the show is dialoguing with and speaking to similar themes as Hamlet within a queer framework.

I thought I’d work my way through some different interpretations of Hamlet and connect back to Shadow. To be clear, I’m working with scholarship on Hamlet rather than any personal interpretation of Hamlet itself (which I unfortunately haven’t read or watched in many a years).

A quick summary

Hamlet and Shadow via Freud's Oedipal Complex

Hamlet and Shadow via Lee Edelman's work on queerness, the death drive, and queer time

Hamlet and Shadow via self-recognition and resistant readings

A few other directions

Hamlet and the Oedipal Complex

Back in 1897, Freud wrote about Hamlet in a letter to a friend noting that “falling in love with the mother and jealousy of the father…[was] a universal event of early childhood.” So Hamlet was one of the texts that Freud was thinking about when he came up with the Oedipal complex as a concept.

You may be asking, as I often do, who gives a fuck what Freud thought? Well over time, Freudian interpretations of the play highly influenced how it was performed and the ways that themes about subjectivity and sexuality were portrayed.

The 1948 and 1990 film adaptations in particular put stress on a sexually charged dynamic between Hamlet and his mother Gertrude. The later film has Hamlet lying on top of and wrestling with his mother before they kiss. More recent adaptations tend to move away from this, but, overall, it’s been extremely influential in terms of how the play has been interpreted and adapted.

So how does this come up in Shadow? 

Dan’s role as Hamlet is closely framed around his relationship with his father who he beats up in the dream world right before his death. We’re introduced to Dan’s dad during his audition for Hamlet. Perhaps in the most obvious parallel, Dan recites Hamlet’s lines as he goes to find his father’s ghost. And of course, this is when Dan’s dad appears as a ghost as well.

Yet, Dan’s narrative with his father seems to buck the expected relationship between father and son. Throughout the play, Hamlet struggles between a desire to fulfill his filial duty and avenge his father and the increasing violence and tragedy this brings. But Dan? In the face of abuse, he chooses to defiantly reject his father and filial piety, accepting and even wishing for his death. In many ways, Dan’s dad is more analogous to Claudius, the usurper and man trying to kill Hamlet. Through his abuse he loses the right to be Dan’s father. 

A shallow oedipal reading of Hamlet, frames Claudius as the father Hamlet is trying to kill, but ignores that this dynamic is born from Claudius’ cruelty. By acknowledging abuse, power, and violence Shadow perhaps takes an interesting step away from a pure Freudian reading. Because ultimately Dan doesn’t want to be his father! In fact, as he speaks with him and beats him up, we can see the way Dan is shaken, not by the act of harming or killing his father, but by the idea of becoming him. His father makes clear that “becoming him” is aligned with ideas about what it means to be a man, to be “the father” within a straight patriarchal society. And in a beautiful moment of clarity and defiance as they discuss what love looks like, Dan clarifies that his mom left his father not him. 

Okay so he "kills" his dad, what about his mom?

To be honest, when I was wrapping up my watch of the episodes, my head went towards the oedipal theory as a crack theory. What if the ghost is his mom, that’d be pretty effed up lol...But now that I’ve seen that the connection isn’t just one I made, it doesn’t seem as far fetched. The scenes between Hamlet and Gertrude in the 1990s film certainly could be an influence on the shadow getting sexual if they went that route. But to be honest I don’t really think they’ll go this way. Or at least I hope not. They’re already doing more nuanced things with the oedipal dynamic. Plus I think there’s more going on if we turn to queerer interpretations anyway.

The Death Drive, Queering Freud, and Queer Time

In Freud’s work, he talked about two opposing forces. The first was the death drive (later termed Thanatos by later psychoanalysts). This was a drive toward destruction that stood opposite to eros or life-producing drives such as sex, survival, and reproduction. 

Now, in 2004, queer theorist Lee Edelman would come in and queer the heck out of these concepts. I’ll be over simplifying Edelman’s points a lot here, but hopefully the core will remain. 

Edelman would point out that the life-drive was often weaponized rhetorically, politically, and socially as a way to reproduce cultural norms. Edelman often writes about "the Child"--that is the mythical idea of a child that we should be building society and the future for. Think of how often the “think of the children” rhetoric gets used in anti-queer politics, for example. In fact, Edelman points to oedipal readings of Hamlet as one way that dominant straight society has attempted to manage a narrative where reproduction and futurity are foreclosed. Oedipal readings of Hamlet, then, could be seen as an attempt to suppress the death drive, to put it out of sight where it can’t cause disruption or anxiety.

Of course, Edelman also notes that the death drive is inherently tied to and projected onto queerness and queer people–onto “those abjected as non-reproductive, anti-social, opposed to viability, and so as threats to the Child who assures and embodies collective survival”. And so, Edelman argues that queer people should embrace the death drive and queer time–that is non-futurity and non-linear, non-productive time. 

So how might these ideas be showing up in Shadow so far?

I might think of even more later, but here’s a short list:

1. All three of our main characters are abjected. Nai is gay, Trin is gay and mentally ill, and Dan is potentially both. I think we could argue that the connection all three of them have to death also quite literally marks them as abjected. And perhaps we could consider how the supernatural elements thematically and symbolically connect to their alterity and the way this is in conflict with social norms. In fact, I’d argue that, unlike Nai and Trin who are explicitly stated to be queer and/or mentally ill, Dan’s alterity is playing out through this more allegorical channel so far. 

2. Literal death as a central focus. 

3. Haunting as a limbo between past and present. This liminality feels very queer here.

4. The idea of vengeful ghosts makes the death drive perpetually present in a way that haunts futurity. Interestingly Edelman describes the death drive as a “negativity that haunts the social order” and which is “projected onto those who occupy the position of the queer.” Haunting has very queer thematic possibilities. 

5. Think of the ghost story told in the market in episode seven. The homophobia on display clearly ties queerness to death in a way that speaks to straight norms and anxieties. 

6. Dan is told by the monk that what is happening has to do with overlapping time frames: past, present, and future

7. Dan often loses his sense of what is real or a dream, but he also has moments where he loses his sense of time and temporality. Notice how when the art statue fell and he saw his classmates dead we jump back to before he even spoke with Nai. It’s not just losing time but jumping back and forth. 

8. Sexy times with a shadow monster are certainly non-(re)productive 

9. We learn that Trin has been trying to change things, disrupt the social norms, but he is shut down and told the school needs to hold onto tradition. While we often think of tradition as referring to the past, it is very much about continuing and reproducing this into the future. School director: "But think of the future Children who won’t get to experience the epic highs and lows of high school hazing”

10. There seems to be a tension at play between Brother Anurak who is trying to get Dan to just stop believing in the shadow (not sure if that's his actual motive but still) and Dan who is slowly starting to embrace the shadow (literally and figuratively). Perhaps this could be read as embracing the death drive and queerness. 

Hamlet, Self-Recognition, and Resistant Reading

Another theme that has often been explored by folks interested in Hamlet is that of self-recognition. The play focuses so very much on Hamlet struggling with his sense of self. And this speaks well to contemporary western ideas of the individual. One scholar, Marjorie Garbor, has noted that “the experience of Hamlet is almost always that of recognition.” While another, John Gouws remarks that Hamlet and Shakespeare’s sonnets both “seem capable of functioning like Rorschach inkblots, by making us reveal (increasingly) more about ourselves the more we try saying something about them.”

It’s interesting to me then that Hamlet and Rorschach tests are both used in Shadow, but they don’t seem to say all that much about Dan. The blot is simply a tool to test if Dan is still seeing the shadow. It isn’t used to psychoanalyze him further. And when Cha-aim asks Dan to compare himself to Hamlet he hilariously just says both their dads are dead. Of course we know that Hamlet’s dad and Dan’s aren’t exactly analogous either. Dan rejects this sort of self-identification. Or perhaps, the play rejects him? At the very least we know that he can’t perform the type of filial love that Hamlet has for his own father.

But perhaps this rejection has queer implications as well. There’s a really lovely article from the perspective of a queer South African director, Thys Heydenrych. He talks about reading and staging Hamlet through a queer and decolonial lens. In his piece he quotes Hanna Kubowitz who discusses queer readers' relationship with texts. She notes that “[b]eing heterosexual has several benefits…One can enter into most cultural narratives…on the basis of simple and satisfying identification.” This of course made me think of the moment when Cha-aim asks Dan to identify with Hamlet.

Whether we read this as an active refusal on Dan’s part or as the play being inhospitable to Dan’s identification, Cha-aim is asking Dan to express and perform identity here. Perhaps this could be read as her asking Dan to narratively self-identify with straight culture and values. It makes sense in the context of her having feelings for him and ties well into the scene where she tries to pick his costume. While Dan isn’t yet identifying as queer, he seems to be dis-identifying from straightness just as he dis-identifies from his father’s version of manhood. 

Still, motifs of self-recognition or the struggle to understand oneself seem to abound. The use of mirrors in episodes 6 and 7 speak to this theme well with the blurring of self and other, while also tying into both horror motifs and the Greek mythology being referenced (Orpheus and Eurydice, narcissus perhaps). Is the shadow a part of him?   

What I’ll be curious to see is how the show chooses to engage with this theme. Will Hamlet continue to serve as a narrative that is inhospitable to identification or will it be queered. There’s a tradition of scholarship that thinks about resistant reading. This is when a reader engages with a text that wasn’t designed with them in mind, but finds potential despite this. Certainly Shakespeare’s work and Hamlet in particular have been interpreted as queer at times, and Hamlet is definitely open to these readings.

When it comes to Shadow, however, I’m interested in what one scholar, Lois Tyson, has asked about resistant reading: “How might the works of heterosexual writers be reread to reveal an unspoken or unconscious lesbian, gay, or queer presence?” This idea of a hidden queer presence speaks well to the idea of haunting. I’m really interested to see how the use of Hamlet as a narrative might speak to the idea of queerness as hidden presence and whether this continues to play out in the second half.  

A few other connections that I want to wait to think on more:

-Madness seems to be a shared theme but I want to see how Shadow handles this as a whole before commenting, but you can check out my post on queer and crip time in The Eighth Sense if you're interested in that element at all

-Power and oppression. Heydenrych’s article mentions a 2010 production that focuses on Denmark’s repressive political system and themes of surveillance, control, and abuse of power. These seem like themes working their way into Shadow but I’d want to be more familiar with the topic in Hamlet

-Suicide. There are versions of Hamlet that heighten this theme further with Gertrude and Ophelia in particular being framed as making attempts. 

-Play within a play and the blurring of fiction and reality

-Decolonial and religious elements

Sources:

Heydenrych, Thys. “‘To tell our Storie’: Reflections on a Queer Adaptation of Hamlet in Twenty-first Century South Africa” Shakespeare in Southern Africa vol 30, 2017. pp. 43-55

Edelman, Lee. “Against Survival: Queerness in a Time That’s Out of Joint” Shakespeare Quarterly, 62.2, 2011. pp. 148-169.

Edelman, Lee. No Future: Queer Theory and The Death Drive. Duke University Press, 2004.

Note: Most other sources were mentioned in the Heydenrych piece

[kaileedraws]

Is Adrien a senti ?

To be honest?? I’m not sure yet. Part of me wants to keep the base lore that he (and Felix) probably are created by the peacock miraculous, but I don’t want them to be like the sentimonsters in this AU. They’re far too complex individuals.

Like I’ve said before, I kinda hate the peacock miraculous’ powers and how it borders creation - which is just Ladybug’s powers. But I also like the duality of Adrien realizing he killed his mom by being born and why it’s so hard for him to identify love. I just dislike that being a sentimonster would kind of block out the idea that his behavior is a trauma response and not just because he’s forced to be a certain way. And it’s way too similar to Felix’s backstory.

I want Felix and Adrien’s origins to be different. If Adrien was created by the Peacock, here’s how it would have to work:

Emillie is wearing the peacock miraculous, still unsure how exactly it works. She wants a child so desperately, so strongly, that inadvertently, in a fit of hopeless desperation, she willed Duusu(1) to use her powers to help her conceive a child. Unable to resist the pull Emillie had, and with the power of her desire for fertility, Duusu and Emillie created an egg inside of her(2). Emillie didn’t know what she had done until she became pregnant. Did she conceive naturally or did she create what was inside of her? If she created it, where was the amuk?

She didn’t realize it, but her actions caused a small crack to appear on the miraculous. (3)

For Felix’s creation, the story would follow the same rules. His father, learning the theory about how Emillie was able to become pregnant, and wanted to try it for himself. Like Emillie, he tried to will Duusu to grant him a child, but his desire was different than hers(4). He didn’t desire to have a child, he wanted a heir - a trophy. The creation of this child was different than with Emillie. It was bred upon jealousy— a jealousy this child would carry with him about the Agrestes for a reason unknown to him. But he was still part human- it was just the other part of him that held an uncontrollable desire for blood.(5)

With this second child, the Miraculous broke a little bit more — stealing the price to pay for the children that they wanted. A body for a body, soul for a soul.

(1) We have seen previously that Gabriel can take Nuuroo’s ability to speak away and permit him to leave his side — theorizing that if her will is strong enough, Emillie and Duusu can use Duusu’s crazed ability and use the miraculous for something that it’s not supposed to be used for— creation

(2) A human egg to be fertilized — thus why Adrien would only be part-sentimonster but a real boy with real trauma responses

(3) This would explain why Emillie and Colt died so slowly — because now that the miraculous is fully broken, it affects Nathalie a little bit more (plus the fact that she uses it multiple times)

(4) Emilie’s child was borne from love, and Amillie’s - jealousy. These boys would be only part sentimonster — but this part of them would feed into their thoughts and emotions. For Adrien, he would always regard people adoration, no matter how they treated him; he thought people were inherently good. For Felix, he would learn that he hated his cousin’s family; and that the people were inherently bad.

(5) to answer your question, I think that if they are Sentimonsters, they would only be half. Sort of like being psychotic and having a second voice in your head telling you things. You can choose to ignore it, or give into the urges. Felix would have to fight with homicidal/hate-filled ideations because of this, and Adrien would have to learn how to know what true love is and what is simply adoration — I think this fits with their behaviors in the show right?

Also, dancing around the idea that Felix kills his dad on his death bed. He definitely deserves it

Now that I’ve written it, I actually really like the idea that I just came up with — lil mutant babies with lil psychotic voices in their heads. Thoughts?

[icravebooks]

Troubled paradise

Yoongi x reader

Genre:arranged marriage au, strangers to fiance to partner??, crack?? Angst if you squint your eyes. Ceo yoongi, spoiled brat reader, Richie rich vibes.

Summary: yoongi wanted to get some sleep before the dreaded day but seems like you and your idiot trio has plans to ruin his night. Yoongi seem to learn something very important to you thanks to the drinks.

Warning: mention of alcohol, reader is hella drunk, she is a light drinker, yoongi is jelly, maknae line are the reason yoongi is jelly, *takes a deep breath* THEY ARE KISSING!! Domestic yoongi, yoongi making pancakes, yoongi being a caring husband even before they get married.

Word count: 10k

Part 1, part 2

Part 3

Isn't it common for people to get cold feet a day before their marriage?, but what about when you Don't even know why you are getting married?, or what about when you are not sure what you feel for your partner ?, yoongi always had one rule, if feelings get overwhelming, sleep. He didn't like the anxiety and many might think he doesn't feels a thing but he does.

So to counter that yoongi opted to sleep, he was supposed to get a good amount of sleep before facing the dreaded day, now supposed to and did are different for a reason and we all know when one is to be married with a spoiled troublemaker they must stay on there toes at all given times, poor yoongi didn't though.

A groan escaped his lips at the sound of his phone going off again and again, he rolled on his bed looking at the digital alarm clock beside his bed.

02:00 a.m.

A sigh escaped yoongi's lips as he braced himself to listen to you speak about some weird ass theory over Bermuda triangle or whatever it is you decided is a worthy topic for today, sliding the answer button he brought the phone to his ear to speak only for his mouth to stop half agape when the sounds from other side made his eyebrows furrow.

The sound of you giggling along with the muffled voices probably arguing and wait..was that a dog barking ?, where the heck were you?, yoongi felt a surge of nerves blasting through his veins at the possibilities that outlined this situation.

"Where are you y/n?" Yoongi tried to keep the panic or irritation out of his voice, you were supposed to be home right now, he knew your parents didn't let you move out of their house because of the very said title you carry around, now the question was how were you not home and somewhere out with God knows who.

".where am I?.." the sound of your probably drunk giggles followed your slurred words making yoongi even more frustrated, his one hand flew to his forehead to massage a starting ache down while he tried to digest the fact that you were drunk too, the muffled voices from behind you became more clear, probably a bantering about what you guys should eat.

Yoongi recognised the voice it was none other than the troubling trio, "are you with the guys?" Yoongi tried to gain your attention who was humming and whining for reasons entirely unknown to him (pineapple pizza wasn't exactly a good take out option), "yes!..OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW!" He had to pull his face a good distance away from his phone, damn why were you shouting at freaking 2 in the morning, yoongi couldn't help but grit his teeths in anger, great you were out with males so late at night.

Yoongi could feel the acidic burn of jealousy in the pit of his stomach and why shouldn't he be?, those idiots let you drink such late at night and yoongi knew you weren't good with alcohol, you rarely drank and you were extremely an honest,clumsy drinker, your words not his.

"You should be home right now." Yoongi gritted out not trying to keep his calm with how far gone you sounded, "come on yoongi it's my wedding tomorrow let me be a free bird." You whined obviously pouting at his words, yoongi could already see you pouting in his mind looking hazed and wasted. That image didn't help if anything it made the acidic feeling burn brighter.

"Come on sweets leave your damn husband to be alone for one night." It was probably jungkook yes even he sounded a little drunk but was still better than you, yoongi could hear the other two morons snickering at Jungkook's words while you grumbled, "jk's right jelly beans tonight you are ours." You might have missed the flirty tone in taehyung's tone because you were drunk (or clearly used to it) but yoongi wasn't and he didn't liked the fact that they were flirting with his wife while he had to sit back and listen to you giggling and laughing like a fucking giddy teenager.

"Y/n send me the location now." Yoongi demanded his voice dropping down a few octaves to make sure that you knew there was no room for arguments, he could hear you whining the sound making him want to scoff, even drunk you are bratty, "babes where are we?" Your voice sounded hazy like you were close to dozing off, yoongi raised an eyebrow in amusement his face morphing between frustration and amused, did you just call one of those idiots baby??

"We are at kookie's troubled paradise, just how many drinks did you let her have Tae?" Jimin was trying to scold Tae but if anything his voice sounded smug and amused no traces of any concern or worry lacing his tone, if yoongi gritted his teeth with a little more force he could turn his teeth into powder. It wasn't that yoongi didn't trust your friends, he knew they wouldn't harm you intentionally but they were all drunk and let's just say yoongi didn't wanted to see you getting to close to anyone of them in that hazy state of yours.

"Don't leave I am coming to get you." Yoongi had to be calm he reminded himself you were probably not going to remember anything you did or said but that just increased the risk of you being reckless a hundred percent more, he could hear the men groaning on the other end probably hearing yoongi's command, wait he was on speaker?, just what kinda drunk are you?!

"This is not fair sweets, we wanted to give you a proper goodbye single life party."

"Exactly jelly beans we are just getting started remember we decided on three D's for the night."

"Drink, Dumplings and Dick Sweets you can't add ditch in the list."

Yoongi's steps halted just inches away from touching the floor, Dumplings and what?, dick??, they were trying to get you laid?, and that to a night before your wedding??(not exactly even a night before), if yoongi was feeling jealous before he was now God knows what, pictures of you flashed in his mind in a rather compromising position.

"Sorry yoongi I am not coming with you." Like heck you wouldn't, yoongi didn't had to think when he left his room letting the door swings open with a lot more force than was needed, snatching his keys from the stand next to his television set. All the while you were busy giggling at the idiots cheering, what was wrong with you all.

"Woah that's like our girl now should we decide whose d you are taking first."

Okay that has to be the last straw, yoongi swears that if he found you sitting even close to one of them he was going to commence an offence unforgivable by law, and you had the nerve to hum like you were really giving it a thought, "I don't know, you All are hot." Yoongi couldn't help punching the wall on his way out, shutting the door to his apartment with a loud thud (thankfully the complex has sound proof walls.)

"Y/n!" There was a barking tone in his voice, jaw clenched tight while he could hear you giggle not realising just how far you had pushed his button, he knew you had been trying to do this for sometime now and congratulation to you, you just succeeded.

"Whaat ?! yoongi caan't you see wait let me rephrrase thaat can't you heaar wee we are tryying to haave a important discussion, so shhh." Why were you pushing his buttons even more?, was it a prank or something?, Why would you want to make yoongi pissed so much that he would have to hold himself back from breaking a few glasses or doors maybe (as hot as that would be.).

Yoongi remember the ten second rule he made for everytime his anger got the best of him, just take in deep breathes hold it in count till ten and then.."maybe we could do a foursome."

You know what?, fuck it! Yoongi would rather just smash some glasses or maybe throw hands with whoever he makes eye contact with on his way to you, "y/n! I am gonna say this the last time don't you dare to more even a finger from where you are sitting, if I find anyone and I say anyone within 5 meter radius of you, I swear I am gonna kill them with my bare hands and the blame would be on you."

Yoongi detonated growling like a mad man (not raising his voice might I add) not caring if you were drunk or weren't able to register his words in proper sense, he was going to engraved them on your mind when he gets to you. He would make sure you remember not to test him again.

You didn't reply scoffing at his biting tone he would keep note of that, later he would make it up to you for that but right now all he needed was you to sit back and listen to him.

"You don't even know the address yoongi." There was a drunk innocent giggly smug in your comment, yoongi couldn't help the evil smirk that turned his lips, "oh love how innocent you are." There was sarcasm dripping from his tone as he made his way to his car, yoongi wasn't stupid you were going to be his wife (clearly not because he was interested in you) and he needed to know just whom you hanged out with and if they possessed any danger to you or where to find you incase he needed.

You gave him a questioning hum in response clearly out of your wits to understand his comment, "I am on my way y/n stay put." Yoongi instructed turning on the ignition before hitting the gas.

*******************************************

"Sweets?"

"Hmm?"

"Y/n?"

"What kookie?"

"Umm I really don't think I wanna die before attending your wedding." Jungkook declared trying to push you off his lap while you were too drunk to care, his words did made you feel wounded so you pulled away from the crook of his neck pouting at the muscular bunny, you poked his right cheek with your index finger giggling at how soft his cheeks were.

"Why would you die?" You questioned pouting sadly at Jungkook's words, jungkook sighed looking even more sober than moments earlier, he grabbed your wrist softly bringing the back of it to his lips and placing a chaste kiss to it, There was so much adoration in his eyes that even your hazy brain register some of it.

"Yoongi might show up any moment now sweets and as much as I love you dear bestie get off me before he murders me for probably compromising his innocent wife." Jungkook gently picked you up from his lap (your whining and protests falling into deaf ears.) like you weighted nothing and placed you beside him on the sofa keeping a good distance from you, you just whined pouting like a 5 years old throwing a tantrum while your other two best friends snickered.

"I am glad we added the three d thing on that call." Jimin whispered to taehyung smirking evily, taehyung took a sip of his drink nodding his head in agreement his eyes fixed on your form which was sitting there with her arms folded back pressed against the couch meanwhile that cute little pout was still on your lips, they were trying to get a rise from you about how you felt about yoongi but all they got was things like he is a good sport or something along the line, they were quite amused that you were still being so tight lipped even after being drunk.

That brought the call plan into affect and it wasn't much hard to convince you to act along with them let's just say you were easier to manipulate when drunk. "I say it was a rather bad idea, that man could really kill one of us." Jungkook reasoned keeping the fear off his tone, his bambi eyes wide as a shudder shook his body.

"Yoongi's not that bad." Your voice was small almost squeaky and cute like you were talking to a 2 years old, the boys raised an eyebrow looking at you with a new found amusement which didn't lasted long when the doorbell was jammed in rather non graceful way.

The boys exchanged a glance, jungkook swallowing thickly, taehyung rolling his eyes while jimin just smirked smugly waiting for you to acknowledge the arrival, jimin stood from his seat letting the younger bunny off his misery and going to answer the door which when he did brought you out of your reiver, "is the pizza here?!" Yoongi exhaled heavily passing jimin without even giving him a second glance (if his side murderous glare doesn't counts) and walking into the living room of Jungkook's penthouse.

There you were eyes wide and sparkling while you wobbled a little from standing up too quick (pizza was worth a try), your hand grabbing your head probably spinning because of how quick you stood up giving taehyung the perfect opportunity to do the last touch to their plan, taehyung rushed to your side grabbing your arms softly as he turned your around to check in on you.

You shoot him a drunk smile giving a thumbs up to tell him that you were okay when you saw the question clear in his eyes,he would have still done it even if it was not part of the plan but to say that yoongi was riled at that simplest of act would be understatement, he stalked closer to you both ripping you (gently) from taehyung's hold and turning you around so that you were now facing him.

Taehyung just raised an eyebrow, his eyes flashing the amusement barely concealed with a questioning look on his face, yoongi just rolled his eyes keeping his hold on your firm but gentle, your eyebrows furrowed your gaze moving up to meet the face of the man you would be referring to as your husband in a few couple of hours.

Your face lightened up at the registration of his face, "yoongi!" You squeaked throwing your arms around the man's neck and tiptoeing to place a quick kiss to his cheek, yoongi froze his eyes widening while they moved down to look at your faces inches away from his, face flushed with the alcohol in your system and that damn giggle he had been hearing for an hour now.

The other three just stood there observing the exchange and stealing meaning full eye conversation, they knew this wasn't as simple as an arranged marriage, they knew even before this night when you had been talking non stop about how you pushed yoongi's limits and when you particularly went to his office to create a scene because he didn't even consider coming to the dress trial.

So they weren't surprised by the way yoongi looked like someone had dropped a box of blushing powder on his face or the way you were grinning up at him, "you should join us we just orders Dumplings, do you like Dumplings?!! It's okay if you don't we ordered pizza too!!, wait you like pizza right?!" You ranted on not giving the poor guy whose heart your just made run a marathon a chance to speak.

"Yeah you should join us." It was Jungkook's offer that made yoongi snap out of your magical trance, his eyes turned into narrow slits as he fixed his glare at the males around you. "This was all your plan wasn't it?" Yoongi's glare was fixed on jimin who just smiled innocently before pouting and shrugging his shoulder like he didn't knew what yoongi was talking about.

"Don't be mean to jimin he was trying to give me a good farewell." Your small slurry voice came from below while you wrapped your arms around yoongi's torso and snuggled closer to his chest, burying your face in his t-shirt humming in delight at how good he smelled.

Yoongi rolled his eyes trying to conceal the fact that you were this close to him, he was glad that you were drunk enough to not register just how fast his heart was beating.

"the parties over I am taking her with me." Yoongi announced before detaching himself from you (reluctantly), he looked at the male gathering if anyone of them were going to protest but they just nodded, it surprised yoongi slightly it made him feel like there was something fishy but he didn't questioned. As long as you were leaving it didn't matter.

"Don't take her to her parent's they will not take it kindly." Taehyung added not wanting you to get in trouble because of them, yoongi already knew that. he wasn't stupid to take you to your parents when he knew this would again be one of the reason they will make you feel like you are a disappointment, he knew it well but when he saw the way the boys cared about you he couldn't deny that he felt grateful that you surrounded yourself with them.

"Bye jelly beans." Taehyung sang cheerfully when you turned around and hugged him, yoongi tried to keep the acidic feeling down knowing it was just a casual friends hug not ripping taehyung off you even when taehyung placed a kiss on your forehead (yoongi thinks glaring daggers don't count as anything), you hummed sleepily hugging taehyung tightly before you walked to jungkook and placed a quick kiss to his forehead meanwhile giggling and almost tripping over his foot, jungkook didn't looked up knowing exactly well that yoongi was trying to bore a whole in his skull.

"Bye kookieee." You sang before walking to where jimin was wobbling and swaying a little, you almost fell but was thankfully saved by jimin who just smiled all angelic at you like he wasn't the one who got your man pissed, "you owe us one d." Jimin stated placing a kiss on your cheek while you just nodded, yoongi gritted his teeth clenching his jaw to keep himself from punching jimin Square at the face, jimin wasn't like his other two friends he loved playing people's patience for fun but knew when to stop.

He knew he was safe till the moment you were around to handle yoongi (no matter if you were drunk), he let his eyes trail back to yoongi a mischievous glint in his eyes paired with his mischievous smile, "I meant Dumplings." He drawled wiggling his eyebrows suggestively just to rile yoongi even further.

"Ofcourse I am not gonna suc.." heaven help yoongi if you ever completed that sentence he butt in before you could, placing his hand on your shoulder making you stop talking and turn to look at him, your vision dancing making you see two of him before they merged into one and you grinned like a giddy teenager.

"It late, we need to leave." Yoongi stated calmly not wasting a second to grab your hand with his and intertwining his fingers with yours, your just smiled happily not objecting not saying Any other word as he grabbed your hand and guided you to the elevator.

He didn't say anything the whole way to his car neither did he say anything when he helped you into the passenger seat and helped you buckle up trying his best not to let his mind wander at the fact that you were so close that he could smell the alcohol infused with your damn coffee vanilla scent, if he gets his hand on which brand of perfumes you use he would make sure to buy it and make sure that it was only you who could smell like that.

"Are we going for a drive?" You questioned excited when yoongi started to drive finally your alcohol driven brain registered that you weren't anymore in Jungkook's pent house but in yoongi's rather luxurious car, yoongi just sighed smiling softly at the fact how you looked even more younger now that you were drunk.

"We are going home love." Yoongi informed keeping his eyes fixed on the Road not seeing how your face dropped, you went silent your alcohol brain going into a whole turbulence over the word home, it was only when yoongi realised that you had been silent far too long for being you, did he turned his eyes in your direction to see the way you were biting your lower lip trying to stopping them from quivering, his whole body tensed when he saw the sorrow on your face.

"Hey y/n what's wrong?" He kept his voice gentle to not scare you further his hands coming to grab yours and give it a little squeeze that was all it took for you to break into sobs your hands moving to your face to hide your face totally forgetting that yoongi had one of yours hands in his now it was wet with your breamed tears.

"I don't wanna go home." Your muffled cracked voice sounding even more small because of how much you were crying it made yoongi's heart feel twisted in pain, he looked away at the road sighing trying to find words to comfort you. Yoongi was never good with feelings and comforting others wasn't something he would ever master on but he had to try atleast there something that he could do for you considering he had first hand experience inthe outcome of toxic parenting.

It's so hard to deal with toxic parenting when people don't seem to understand in what sense the toxicity exist, different people bring in different opnion and most people try to wave the toxicity off with the reasoning of rebellious children, yoongi knows what it is like to feel like a failure, to not be good enough even for the people that brought you into this world to consider you enough, he knows that it is in all actuality the mistake of parents but it's far easier to blame maturing minds than those minds that have attained maturity according to society no matter how toxic and bullshitty they are, yoongi's heart teared at the sound of yours sobs, he made a promise to himself that starting today you won't be subject to this, he will never allow that, you are his starting today (doesn't matters that you are still to exchange vows) and he will make sure that no one and no one has the right to say anything mean to you.

Yoongi was so lost in his thought that He didn't see it coming the sound of the clicking of the door lock made his eyes widened and he whipped his head in your direction so quick that it would have gave him whiplash, "y/n! what are you doing?!" Yoongi yelled placing a hand at your torso to keep you flushed against the seat while he brought the car to a rather sudden halt feeling thankful for having you buckled up and for reacting quickly, a second late and you could have opened that damn door and God help him had you been harmed while under his watch.

"I don't wanna go home." You mumbled head hanging down with embarrassment or whatever it was your drunken brain was registering, a exasperated sigh sounded from yoongi his one hand still firmly pressed against your torso and the other he was using to rack through his hairs.

"That doesn't mean you jump out of a moving car." He scolded letting his tone raise at you for the first time, his heart was in his throat he could feel the pounding just what were you thinking, his eyes were dark and hard on your figure, his breathe a little raged at your stupid act, you could have hurt yourself, yoongi was sure that if he had a list on things not to let you do drinking would make the top of it. (In bold letter with exclamation marks for emphasis.)

He bit his inner bottom lip when you flinch at the slight raise of his tone instant guilt hitting him, this is why he didn't wanted to raise his voice at you, this is what he feared, he feared seeing just how bad were you traumatised, he didn't like the fact that you were starting to take a toll on him, gosh the way he wanted to confront your parents the way he wanted to make you sit back and listen to just how absolutely divine you were.

Wait..was he..okay now wasn't the time to confront emotions not when you were a flight risk, he took in a few deep breathes eyes still fixed on your figure, it was when he knew that he was in control enough to talk to you he finally decided to speak. "I am not gonna take you to your parents, I am taking you to my apartment it is your house starting today anyways." He made sure he was as soft spoken and gentle as he could be with being sleep deprived, jealous attacks and a random almost suicide attempt by a drunk you.

Your eyes flew to meet his right when he stopped talking your lower lip jutted out still trembling a little while your small sniffs filled the silence, you didn't say anything just stayed silent nodding before turning back to look ahead of you, yoongi watched you with a perplexed expression not sure if he could trust you to do that whole stupidity again with just how out of your mind you were at the moment, finding no definite answer and not wanting to risk your safety he did the one thing he knew was a terrible idea. (In his mind it wasn't but he is too stubborn to admit that.)

He snorted closing his eyes and fisting his hands tight his jaw clenched trying to summon even single ounce of resistance he could before opening his eyes and unbuckling his seatbelt followed by him leaned in towards you and proceeding to undo your seat belt which was accompanied by him pulling back a little so that he could pick you up from yours seat, his one hands going behind your back to hold you and the other slipping beneath yours knees.

You just sat there smiling looking at how perfectly flawless model like skin he had now that you looked from this close, hands itching to just move forward and touch his cheeks but stopping yourself because of how he had scolded you a moment earlier, a squeak left your mouth when he picked you up effortlessly and situated you both on the driver seat your legs dangling on one side while your were seated on his lap, his one arm encircled around your waist the other placing your head on his chest so that he could drive without any issues. (Not because he wanted to)

"Stay still." He instructed voice strained, trying to deny that fact that you felt so good against him, " I can for a life time." You mumbled flirting even in that hazed out state making yoongi roll his eyes while he didn't hide the smile that tugged the corner of his lips. Your hands reaching up to poke his cheeks giggling at the softness of his cheeks, yoongi tried hard to not smile at how warm and fuzzy his inside felt at the site of you like this, yoongi wouldn't admit but he agreed with you statement from moments earlier, he could stay like this for a lifetime.

You were snuggled up against him mumbling something or the other trying to be a smart mouth even in this wasted state, yoongi couldn't deny how he could feel desire growing within his viens at how your lips kept moving against his clothed chest, he tried hard to restrain himself, his hand that was wrapped around your waist was rubbing soothing circles anything to just relieve the growing uneasy he put himself in, his other hand holding the steering wheel so tight his knuckles had turned even more white. This night has to be one of the craziest one, His limits were being tested in all possible ways and who was responsible, you a rather drunk you who had no idea what you were actually doing.

You were totally oblivious to the way you were making him feel, totally zoned out to give a shit as you lazily hummed drawing patterns on his chest, you were being a torture yoongi had to use all his self restrain to not do something about it, he couldn't help cursing the idiot three for the state you were in, finding it obnoxious that they let you be this way.

It wasn't until yoongi had made it back to his apartment complex and had parked his car that he mustered the courage to look at you, and when he did he felt oxygen leaving his lungs you were already looking at him, and what with that look in your eyes. Not wanting to let his desires control him and mess up with your totally wasted self he helped you out of his car and carried you bridal style (excuse being that you would probably fall) to his apartment.

"Are we sleeping together?" You lazily questioned flashing him a wasted smile which yoongi didn't react to knowing this was the alcohol talking, who was he kidding this was typical you but he had to remind himself that you were drunk, he didn't answer you putting you down and leading you to your (not yet) bedroom, your somehow drunk mind still found it senses enough to admire your surroundings.

" it's freaking huge." You commented flashing a drunk but earnest smile a chuckle escaping the male at your rather blunt remark, your drunk self couldn't help but admire the way his whole face lighted when he smile or the way he looked a total different person in that exact moment, your alcohol driven senses made you turn towards him finally giving in to the desires, hands moving up to cup yoongi's face softly in your hands, yoongi stiffened eyes focused on your face inches away from his, breathe stuck in his throat while you were squishing his cheeks a giggle leaving your lips all the while yoongi was too stunned to speak only resorting to watch you with his whole face lightening up.

"You are cute." You hazily admitted giggling once again before moving closer to him and tiptoeing to place a kiss on his nose, clearly to drunk to register the sharp intake of breathe by yoongi, "you should smile more." You complained pulling back to look at him with narrowed glaring eyes and a scowl adoring your face.

It took everything in Yoongi's control to not grab your face and kiss you senseless, he swallowed harshly before pulling away from your hold and guiding you towards the bed, "you need to sleep." He didn't knew if those words were meant as a reminder to you or himself, not exactly sure what to conclude about his feelings for you, he was so lost in his thoughts that he missed the rug that was infront of him and ended up slipping, his fall was cushioned by the soft mattress of the bed but the fact that you ended up on top of him because he was still holding your hand or because you were particularly clinging to him ever since he saw you tonight.

A groan of frustration sounding from him at just how many cliches were happening and just how frustrating the whole night has been, his eyes opened when you started to laugh clearly finding this funny, drunk or not you were totally the same person.

It was only when he realised what postion you both were in that his whole body stiffened, you were trying to sit up body pressing against his even more, your hands were on his chest for support, you were straddling him!!, his clothed crotch was directly against your clothed heat, he could feel himself twitch and harden at the realization, he was thanking the heavens for you being drunk and not realising just how hard he was by now, the way this whole postion had his mind running into different scenarios.

"You are okay yoonie?" You chirped leaning down closer to his face to maybe look clearly, probably the alcohol making your vision blurry, he just stared deep into your eyes finding it hard to look away from you, he was sure he was hypnotised, you were like a siren calling to him, the urge he felt moments earlier of kissing you just increasing ten folds at your closeness, yoongi had to do something he needed fresh air but what could he do when you were this close or what could he do when you decided that it was a very good time to fucking kiss him.

Yes you fucking kissed him, yoongi's eyes went wide his brain hard at work to register that you were really kissing him, maybe it was the fact that you were drunk and nothing more but yoongi swear he felt a lot more than just desire, he wasn't drunk no he wasn't even in the slightest but still he couldn't get himself to push you away, his own lips chased yours his hands coming up to cradle your face, he could taste the alcohol in your kisses. His eyes closing in pure bliss, a groan escaping him when you moved a little grinding against him.

That serving as a reminder to the man that this wasn't even something you would do, it was enough to make him pull away from you almost reluctant, his eyes taking in your feature your eyes still closed breathed a little out of pattern, yoongi used the opportunity to cradle you and place you beside him so that he could slip off the bed.

"I bet you are not even gonna remember that in the morning." Yoongi mumbled bitterly to himself feeling a pain settle in the pits of his stomach, knowing that kiss would not even be real for you when it was all he would have, he couldn't love you, he couldn't, he can't love, he is not capable of love.

"Don't leave." Your pleading voice coming in a panicked whisper when yoongi tried to get off the bed, your arms wrapping around his torso to keep him from leaving, his movements halting, his racing heartbeat dropping and picking up again registering the sudden shift in the emotions, yoongi wanted to leave but you sounded so utterly broken that he couldn't get himself to leave you. He couldn't when you were this lost, it wasn't fair, he couldn't control himself long but he couldn't leave you either, this is why he hated you since the start you were going to be a problem he knew it.

"You are drunk y/n." That's all the reasoning he gave to you recieving an eager shake of your head, your forehead pressed against the side of his left arm, yoongi sighed feeling worn out with just so many things thrown his way in such a little while, he didn't knew what to make out of your behaviour, you were always so full of emotions that it was hard to understand just what he was supposed to concentrate on. "I am sorry..I am so s-orry, please don't leav-e m-e, I d-on't wannna fuuck th--is up too." Your broken pleads stinging his heart even more, his stomach tied into knots as he realised just what this was about. His mouth ran dry, a burning feeling igniting in his chest, the feelings he had long buried surfacing and mocking him through your words, you sounded so much like him, you sounded so much like a failure the same way he had been years back.

"I promi--se I won't le-t youu dowwn." Your voice cracked muffling to loud wail, you never could let him down how was he supposed to make you understand that, will you believe him if he just said the word or would you think it was just hollow words, yoongi turned on his sides facing you, gently grabbing your face and wiping your tears away with his thumb, his lips pressing against your hairline at regular intervals to keep you comforted while you cried your heart out.

"You didn't let anyone down y/n, your never did such a thing my love." Yoongi comforted letting you snuggle closer to him and hide your face in his chest hiccups shaking your body while he rubbed yours back to soothe the burning ache of trauma down. "No -yoong-i I did." Your voice was muffled your head shaking while your hand fisted his t-shirt, yoongi wanted to tell you just how wrong you were, he wanted to tell you just how much good you were, he wanted to tell you how he saw you but that wouldn't end well that wouldn't end well without you realising that this what you both had wasn't a simple relation and the possibility of scaring you away, no he couldn't.

"You didn't my love stop being so hard on yourself." Yoongi pleaded his voice acting like a soothing lotion to your burning soul, "I disappointed them, I failed so many times, I couldn't be the daughter they wanted, I couldn't be perfect like they wanted me to be.." you trailed off sniffing and pressing yourself even further into him, wanting to just feel the comfort he was radiating, to wanting to think about nothing but how at home you were feeling next to yoongi.

"But I tried yoongi, I trie--d so hard, but but..I just couldn't do it." You again broke out into hysterical cries wailing like an infant while yoongi mummered sweet nothings in your ear his lips pressed firmly in a straight line, his one hand rubbing your back while the other was holding the back of yours head, fingers interwined in your hairs massaging your scalp in some sort of comfort. He knew you needed those words out of your system but that made him wonder were you always like this when you drink and if you were why would your friends let you get drunk, if you looked this broken how could they manage to see you cry and not do something about it.

It was when yoongi was sure that your crying had come to a slowdown that he peeled you away from him so that he could look at your face, his one hand placed on your cheek thumb caressing the apple of your cheek, eyes so genuine that he knew your drunk mind would register the look even in that hazed out state partially thankful for not being sober or you would have seen the hearts in his eyes.

"it's not your fault that they weren't able to appreciate the good you had, there job was to be there for you no matter what you did and they failed, it doesn't has to be you taking the consequences of their actions, they never cared about you and just expected things from you, so you don't need to care either." Yoongi tried to make you believe each of his words, knowing you wouldn't remember it but that didn't stop him from expressing just how much he admired you or how much you deserved it.

"I know you care, ofcourse you do it's your parents but just because they are your parents doesn't means they get to decide your self worth, I don't care who they are, you will be mine starting today and the only opnion that should matter to you should be mine, do you know what I think of you?" He questioned keeping his voice serious the way he would use a tone to negotiate an important buisness deal.

You shook your head your eyes not meeting his not ready to register the look in them, a fear residing in your stomach that if you looked up you would see the look of disappointment in them like you have seen all your life.

yoongi didn't liked the fact that you weren't meeting his eyes, he hooked his fingers below your chin tilting it up so that you knew just how much he meant each of his words, "you are a whole adventure, a whole fucking adventure, jimin calls you troubled paradise and I can't agree more you are exactly paradise not realising your own self worth and that is what has you troubled, you aren't meant to be a satisfactory or perfect human you need to be you and that's what I admire about you, you can never let me down y/n and I don't give a fuck if even you feel any other way about yourself from now all you need to care about is my opnion." Yoongi poured his heart out making sure to conceal anything that could give him away, he had to be careful incase you remembered.

But he made sure you knew And he knew you did when you started to cry again but this time not denying his words nor saying Anything, you cried until sleep engulfed you.

********************************************

Isn't it irritating when one is trying to sleep and feel sunlight hitting there face like it's filling the crack of a missing sibling who always loves to annoy us, okay let's rethink that to say that you were annoyed would be showing just the tip of what you felt at the moment with that blaring headache and the sun deciding it was a good day to be a bitch was enough to set anyone off.

You groaned turning on the other side to shield yourself from the merciless light throwing a hand over your eyes, "kookie shut the curtains please." You pleaded keeping your eyes shut and trying to get in a more comfortable postion, weird mostly when you stayed back at one of the guys house they would always cuddle up in the morning, why was the bed so empty today also why didn't it smelled like Jungkook's regular cologne, your sleepy brain didn't give much mind to it only frowning when no effort was made by the very said friend.

"Jungkook shut that damn curtain." You groaned throwing a pillow from beside you, it was such an used environment to you that you knew where to throw a kick or some object to locate the guys and with that damn headache splitting your brain you couldn't be any more patient.

"You are up?" You hummed sleepily cuddle further into the warmth of the blankets, wait that Isn't Jungkook's voice, and why in heavens did it sound like yoongi?! your eyes opened in an instant the arm over your eyes coming down, you turned your head towards the source of the voice finding a rather domestic looking yoongi standing by the door leaning against the door frame, gone were the suits and formal button down with slack, stood before you in all his glory was yoongi in a white cotton v neck t-shirt and black pajama arms crossed making his form seem muscular with the way his biceps were bulging out in the slightest, you would have stared shamelessly had the headache not decided to be a bitch with just how it was paining so bad. Your insides feeling even more agitated by the fact that you would have to pass on such a good opportunity to ogle him.

You groaned propling yourself up on your left elbow while you massaged your forehead with the other, "Where am I?" You questioned out loud not missing the footsteps that moved closer and were soon replaced by an arm around your shoulder helping you to sit up the warmth rolling of him in waves, your nostrils filling with his familiar scent, you tried to rake your brain for last night updates but found none, yoongi handed you a pill for the headache and a glass of water to down it.

"Our apartment." It took everything in you to not choke at the fact that you didn't even remember how you had ended up here and secondly did yoongi just said our?? Instead of his??, you were glad your lips were tightly pressed against the glass downing the cool liquid down your suddenly dry throat, you were sure your face might be red thanking the sun for the first time since you woke up for being an excuse if yoongi dared question the redness of your face, but he didn't he just let you be probably knowing just how much your headache was being a real damn problem. You swear you would never drink again stupid you for being tempted by taehyung's boxy siren smile.

Yoongi told you to get fresh and come for breakfast, he didn't stayed back and you were glad because you needed a moment, you decided to listen to him after admiring the whole room which seem to have come out of one of those YouTube videos you saw with jungkook and then the walk in closet that surprised you when you found all new branded clothes perfectly your size hanging in there paired with all those matching footwear and bags, you knew you had jokingly told yoongi a few times that you were going to drain his money by being a material girl but you never thought he would take that serious, you were literally amazed and actually giddy when you came across them not entirely sure what to make of this gesture of yoongi, he would probably say because you are my wife or whatever but holy shit even after being from a rich family and loving shopping didn't help at the moment.

after an eternity (actually 20 minutes) of checking everything out you reluctantly left to get fresh.

*******************************************

Yoongi always thought marrying would be something he wouldn't do and if he did he surely will marry someone who will be mature, mature in the sense would know that yoongi wasn't looking for love and so shouldn't anyone in him, someone who would keep there distance from him and won't try to force conversation or make their presence known to him, he never expected he would marry a walking trouble machine that has 24/7 redbull wings energy and can't stop flirting with him and worst of all he never expected he would actually like the possibility.

The padded sound of slippers hitting the tiles in a soft rhythmic manner a little rushed but still not disturbing (he wouldn't find them disturbing even if they were) resonating in the otherwise serene apartment informed yoongi of your arrival, yoongi braced himself practicing his stoicness for your scary jumps or rather infiltrating behaviour, "since when do you play a fucking piano?!" Your surprsie was barely concealed the tone of your voice making him bite back a smile, yoongi just glanced briefly at you from over his shoulder and returned back to his work, he made sure you didn't see the happy smile on his face at the fact of you wearing one of the dresses he got for you, something possessive clicking inside of him feeling like you were his, childish for someone who was said to be mature but not something he wanted to correct. "since I was 12??" He questioned tone bored trying to act unaffected shrugging for added emphasis, he could feel the heat of your gaze on him also could hear the slight dramatic gasp you just let out at his words.

He didn't say anything waiting for your comment but was met with the sound of your footsteps that stopped inches behind him, he didn't react to them still trying to do his best but he lost all that act when you peeked over his shoulder looking at the pancakes that were being cooked, yoongi gulped harshly at how he could particularly feel your heat, your hands on his shoulder to keep you up while you tiptoed to look at his art, you could feel the rigidness of his muscles under your touch, you might or might not have done this intentionally but it wasn't like you could help it, being a Baker and smelling something sweet always gets the best of your instinct.

You looked at the pancakes slowly turning the delicious brownish golden shade the heavenly scent filling your nose when you sniffed closing your eyes and humming in approval, you could feel yoongi watching you but that didn't hazed you even in the slightest, your spoiled brat taking the lease in hand and putting the man in even more misery by turning to face him, your face inches away from his.

Yoongi didn't look away, he was trying to put an unaffected act but it was hard when you were smiling softly all angelic towards him, face so close to his, body particularly clinging to his back, It made him wonder how was he going to survive even a month with you like this or was he even going to make it a week before he did something he might regret.

"You can cook too?" You sounded genuinely curious and surprised, yoongi just nodded his head turning his head back toward the work at hand clearly not able to hold your gaze any longer without feeling the strong urge to taste if your lips still tasted like they did last night.

You gasped animatedly pulling away from him and stumbling back which made yoongi raise a brow in amusement, he turned back to face you seeing the way you were looking at him like he told you that the fairytale were actually a lie, "this ain't fair, i find on the morning before my wedding that you play a piano, you know how to cook, what's next huh you have a pet??" You tried to sound betrayed eyes wide and glaring at yoongi, that usual pout on your face while you jabbed a finger in his direction, yoongi just rolled his eyes hands stuffed in his pocket his lips pulled down in a downturned smile which even he seems to not able to control.

"A dog and a cat." He simply informed keeping his tone bored clearly biting his tongue to hold back a chuckle when you gasped jaw going slack and a hand coming to your chest like the blow was physical, you were such an animated person it was hard to stay serious with you, yoongi watched you exhale sharply before you turned your eyes back to him from the floor, your eyes narrowing into thin slits glaring at the man in joking rage.

"That's it, I am calling off the wedding." You announced throwing your hands in the air, keeping your expression serious even though you wanted to smile widely when yoongi chuckle sarcastically for the first time since you had known him (2 months seems like a lot of time), "seriously this isn't even that big." Yoongi commented running his finger through his hairs watching how your eyes jumped to them before you actually gained your self control back and scoffed at his words.

"Are you for real??, a morning before my wedding I find out that I am gonna be a mother to two babies and it isn't even big?!, I know nothing about the man I am about to call my husband after a few hours." You talked animatedly waving your arms in the air making yoongi sigh while a small smile graced his lips, "it never came up love that's all.." yoongi trailed off realising what he just did, he called you what??, you recovered from the shock far quicker than yoongi, your eyes lighting mischievously while you pouted narrowing your eyes but that happy expression on your face, you were good at concealing the fact that your heart jumped at his words, "your buttering ain't gonna make me drop my decision." You joked trying to make it anything but awkward you could see the pink on yoongi's cheeks that alone making you want to kiss him..wait..what..okay..nevermind you had a crush on him anyway.

Yoongi visibly relaxed at your comment, glad that you didn't question his words, he chuckled at your words nodding his head, "okay okay fine I am sorry I should have told you." Yoongi apologized raising his hands up in surrender, "not convinced need more than that." You conditioned trying to hold back the tugging of your lips resisting a smile, yoongi stayed silent for a moment biting his inner cheek before he decided to speak, "how about pancakes?" He questioned tipping his chin towards the pan that was still on the stove, which he had made sure to turn off when he started to defend himself against you.

A smile broke on your lips, slightly mischievous but still a little fake stoic, "only if I can see my babies photos after breakfast and hear more about the piano and you in general." You conditioned not letting this amazing opportunity slip, it was about time you inflirated him on level 2, yoongi didn't take time to nod his agreement anything than having to see you angry with him even if it was fake and he enjoyed it.

You squealed skipping to the small dinning table that was situated in the middle of the kitchen a little distance from the kitchen island, the full floor to ceiling window overlooking the amazing view of the city, yoongi finally broke into a big smile doing quick work of the pancakes and a cup of coffee for you both, he didn't let you help in setting up the table stating you had a hectic day ahead of you.

Finally when you both started to eat a silence fell over you both, it wasn't awkward but was rather comforting but yoongi could see the question clear in your eyes knowing exactly well what you were thinking, "you weren't any different than your usual self, didn't do anything embarrassing to the point I was around." Yoongi assured you keeping his gaze fixed on his food, you looked up from your plate which you had been glaring at for a few good minutes now, you sighed relieved by his statement, "really?" You asked a little hesitant that was the first time he has seen you like this, yoongi nodded his head keeping his expression nonchalant, seeing you visibly slumping at his reassurance.

"Thank God I honestly don't do good with drinking." You chatted digging into your food, turning back to your usual chatty self making yoongi smile, "I saw that." He agreed hiding his obvious smile behind the mug of coffee as he took a sip from it, that had you stopping mid way through putting a pancake in your mouth, you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at him analysing if he was mocking you not finding anything but genuineness in his tone you had no other option than to let him off the hook, "do you sneak out often?" Yoongi's sudden question genuinely surprised you drawing a giggle from you, acting all serious you acted like you were really giving his question a thought humming while you bit into a piece of pancake, "not often just every Tuesday Thursday and Saturday." You answered casually keeping your expression extremely relaxed making the male sigh while a smile graced his face, your heartbeat spiking up at the view of his gummy smile.

God you needed to do something about this stupid crush or your survival mission would become a rather dangerous one, "I forgot your definition of often is different." He mused sarcasm dripping thick from his words the smile still there making you reply back with a boyish smile of yours, "still though it's a surprise your parents don't know." Yoongi commented clearly laying out his curiosity and admiring for you at this brave escapades of yours.

You just shrugged smiling proudly, "advantage of having busy parents beside if they do find out I am not home I could always make an excuse." You explained casually winking at yoongi mischievous both to see that affectionate eye roll and also to put emphasis to your words, "and what would today's excuse be?" He questioned raising a brow, you grinned evily feeling extremely joyed for having such a good conversation on such a dread day, "simple i would use you." You answered pointing your fork in yoongi's direction making the male chuckle his mouth agape in disbelief at how blunt you were being, he didn't see any traces of request in your tone it was just like you were informing him.

"Why do I have a feeling that this isn't the first time i am being used for this little night outs of yours?" He questioned sounding anything but offended, a lop-sided smile plastered on his face making you smirk in agreement, "no wonder you are so successful." You sang chirpy making him scoff in disbelief, that surprised but not so surprised expression on his face while he face palmed clearly knowing it before hand.

Everything went silent for a moment, yoongi didn't hide his smile like he usually would around people, he knew you had already seen through the facade he made for the world to see, And it wasn't he needed that around you, you weren't someone he needed to keep his walls up around and he was slowly starting to pull them down for you.

"So.." when you started to speak yoongi already knew what was coming wasn't going to be good, he could sense the nuisance With that look on your face, "if you plan on eloping remember to count me in." Your announcement in that no joke tone threw him off guard making the man's mouth to fall agape for a moment before his mouth finally decided to work in accordance with his brain, a laugh melodic to your ears rumbling from somewhere of the dark abyss of his chest filled the room.

The barely concealed amusement evident in his eyes as he resigned again remember he quite honestly signed up for this torturing form of entertainment himself, but it wasn't he who was to be blamed, you were...trouble and somehow yoongi liked having trouble.

He didn't knew that chaos was what he craved, having lived so far with the simple idea of a silent life he never thought that adventure was something his soul drew him too, "what would we be the avoiding by  eloping together?" He tried to find any rationality to your earlier monologue knowing fully well that they wasn't even an ounce of thought put by you to logistics before you opened your mouth.

He recieved a thoughtful hum from you in reply, a sound rather simple and nothing special but somehow it vibrated deep within his body, something setting off within him, his mind dragging him to surfaces yet stranger to him with you in them.

"I don't know I just think it will be fun, I can already imagine the trending headlines of the gossip columns talking about how the most anticipated wedding took the unexpected turn!" You beamed cutting yoongi's stream of dark thoughts with that overly excited tonr which comes with ever new trouble that you decide to bring in.

Yoongi tried to hide his soft smile behind the coffee mug, he knew you already knew he was soft for you, it didn't take a genius and in all actuality you were indeed a genius in your own ways, whatever the facts might be he didn't needed you to know that he was starting to get more and more fond of you.

"Always looking for new ways to be the trending gossip aren't we?" He teased back finding it difficult to not play along with you, you were addicting and his little actions were everything you needed, someone who had been neglect for a lifetime finds it endearing when someone so much as entertain them with attention and here was yoongi showing his at most devotion to you, you didn't deny the fluttering in your heart at his failed attempts of Stoic behaviour, your stupid crush on him increasing ten folds.

Not able to form words because of how warm your inside and cheeks felt at this rather comforting and obnoxiously normal conversation you just managed a cheeky smile in reply finding enough brain cells to pair it with a playful wink which earned you that familiar eye roll and coffee mug shield of his to hide the evident flutter you caused.

You looked down at your plate in an attempt to hide the proud smirk, the conversation from there on continued smoothly filled with minor subtle but not so subtle flirting and general question.

The whole atmosphere was so weirdly peaceful that your minds had started to already think of this as an everyday things starting today, "are your preparation done for the day?" Yoongi questioned a genuine curiosity and concern visible on his face which visibly relaxed when you nodded more like bounced your head eagerly, yoongi chuckled lightly taking the last bite of his pancake his eyes still fixed on you, "I couldn't get this one thing done though." You complained a pout forming on your face, that all too familiar spoiled bratty look on your face.

Yoongi couldn't speak due to have his mouth full but he didn't had to speak a simple questioning eyebrow raise was enough to let his question known, you looked at him with that sad expression which looked a little too suspiciously familiar, his chewing slowing down a bit in anticipation as the blood in his viens rushed faster.

"I couldn't get some sexy lingerie for tonight." He shouldn't have been surprised but he still was and he shouldn't have choked but he did.

What a perfect way to start his wedding day.

[degloved]

i'm an absolute FIEND for outsider pov. would love to see a bit of that with chainshipping, or really any ship of your choosing. coffinshipping even! -T

this has been sat in my inbox for about two days now, and i'm almost glad for the fact i sort of put it off, as a friend and i had the most illuminating conversation about (among other things) perez's perception of hoffstrahm at work. with that fresh on my mind, things sort of fell into place really easily. also......... um i did make this hoffstrahm i hope that's okay ! i'm just honestly. really no good with chainshipping </3

‼️SAW REQS STILL OPEN‼️

Special Agent Lindsey Perez wasn't prone to entering such thorough states of confusion that doing much else beside standing rooted to the spot and staring blearily seemed an insurmountable venture—and yet.

She knew Special Agent Strahm—she knew Pete—better than she knew her own mother. Even somebody as difficult to get a read on as him couldn't remain an enigma forevermore, namely not to his mentee-turned-best fucking friend. Their understanding was utter and implicit. They were a unit not liable to persevere through separation.

She'd come down with something last week, taken the days off at Erickson's urging. Hadn't anticipated much of anything different in returning to the office. Way things have been going for them lately, honestly, she'd half expected to find everyone exactly as she'd left them—poring over the exact same files, chewing on the exact same half-baked theories that would never hold water, beating the exact same dead horses.

Strahm had been, at least, happy to see her. This she'd inferred by the faintest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips, a subtle fondness in the crinkle of his eyes as he thrust a cup of coffee in her direction.

And, Perez couldn't tell you exactly when she'd first noticed something wasn't right—but about halfway into the workday, the realization had struck and was yet to let up, a couple of hours later.

Outwardly, nothing seemed to be amiss. Strahm was Strahm and thus unpleasant and snappy. Hoffman was Hoffman, and thus unpleasant and smug. Perez watched them (covertly, she'd like to think) do the usual song and dance—the posturing, the barb-trading, the sneering as though they might pounce at each other at any moment. (All because of some incorrectly filed evidence; but, she supposed, they'd argued more viciously for much less.)

She didn't think anyone else might think much of the picture they painted, it appearing no different from their normal. To her trained eye, however, it was anything but; the relaxed slouch to Strahm's shoulders, the glaring lack of a frown, the occasional grin he'd let play about his lips for half a second, all his usual insults lacking all the usual bite… and most damning of all, perhaps, the way he'd been braced against Hoffman's desk, gently swaying in an uncanny mimicry of a puppy with its sights set on a toy. (Was that a bit of a mean comparison?)

But, you know what, benefit of the doubt. Perhaps that was a one-off, something's-for-sure-contaminating-the-water-supply kind of occasion. Didn't have to mean a thing. Perez could let it go, honest.

She was about to let it go, mulling over the scene playing on repeat in her head while packing up to go home. Or, well, to the hotel, as it were. She slung her bag over her shoulder, wrapped a thick scarf around her neck, all the while strutting towards the exit. The door of Hoffman's office was cracked open.

It was difficult not to look.

The scene within brought on that state of utter confusion, a certain speechlessness. She slowed to a stop, peering through the gap in the doorway. To tell the truth, it would've been perfectly normal had it been anybody but Hoffman and Strahm As it was, Perez took in the sight—the two of them wearing creepily similar expressions of unwavering focus, eyes narrowed and locked on the screen of Hoffman's computer. Strahm hovered above the sitting detective, one hand resting atop the man's shoulder.

The hand, perhaps, was the biggest culprit. A tell, a giveaway. Perez couldn't tear her eyes away, and in that blatant staring, she didn't miss the subtle movement of Strahm's fingers, the way they dug into the fabric, the swipe of his thumb uncannily alike a stroke, a caress. Hoffman shifted, as though in response, causing the hand to slip nearly down to his neck. Strahm's fingers tapped a rhythm against bare skin.

She'd stood there a second too long. The next thing she knew, Strahm was looking up—and in doing that, his eyes landed squarely on her. Their faces flushed in tandem for different reasons entirely, though before the moment could stretch any further, Perez bolted for the exit.

Well, in any case, tomorrow seemed to brim with the promises of awkward conversations to be had over lunch break.

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: Teen Audiences Words: 1.3K~ Summary: His family's not present the third time he runs away... they never see the creature he becomes. Early corruption AU.

Happy New Year folks! I'm working on getting this one going again.

Enjoy! <3

__

Chapter 19: Masks Upon the Shore

A few whirlwind planning sessions later, Amethyst finds herself slumped against the wall aboard one of the old Roaming Eyes, Garnet and Pearl busy prepping the controls for takeoff. After all their investigative efforts, it’s finally time.

Today, they’re setting out for Mask Island.

Of course… at this point, she strongly doubts this mission’s just gonna be some casual stroll through the Kindergarten, as the saying goes. While they do have a number of aspirational goals in mind— locate Steven, neutralize the threat he’s facing, bring him home— it’s impossible for any of them to fully predict what could happen in this place, what fresh dangers they might discover. Stars, they’re all… so, so lost without him. Garnet’s been of no use in guiding their trajectory as of late, Pearl’s too caught up in the thickets of her own gem over this mess to be of much strategic help, and… and her? Well, hah— clearly she’s not leadership material. She’s far too loudmouthed, too headstrong. She’s way too focused on her own deal half the time to ever fully notice the depths of others’ distress. And that’s exactly what happened with her and Steven, isn’t it? She took him at his word when he said he was fine. She didn’t probe hard enough. He was lost, and hurting, and instead of reaching out in the way he needed back then she pushed him even further away.

Amethyst grinds her hands into fists against the ship’s cool metal interior, completely unsure how to quell all the turbulent, nightmarish what-ifs surging through her thoughts right now. Like what if… what if Steven’s seriously hurt right now, what if he’s cracked and scared and alone, w-what if— oh gosh, what if— this whole time— her horrible theory about self-inflicted corruption has been right on the money? What if he does think he’s a monster? What then? How are they supposed to fix something so intangible, something that they can’t fight?

Ughhh. Geeze, the sheer anxiety bubbling up within her core right now is almost pervasive enough to destabilize her, to entirely rip her projected form apart. This mission’s gonna be a complete and total disaster, isn’t it?

A hand rests itself upon her shoulder, the outline of a triangular faceted gem clear.

“Amethyst.”

Sniffling, she turns her head to meet Garnet’s gaze.

“How are you holding up?” her companion probes, joining her in leaning back against the wall, arms crossed and expression uncertain.

She uses the butt of her palm to wipe away the stray tear that— betraying her better instincts— dares to slip from her eye and slip down her cheek. “If we’re being honest…?” she says, voice quivering. “I’m scared. I’m really, really scared.”

“I am too,” Garnet admits. She lifts the center of her hands to where she can see them, her sight fixed upon the maroon gemstones embedded there, and upon the shimmering wedding bands encircling her ring fingers. “My future vision is worthless right now. For the first time in a long while, I’m walking into this scenario completely blind. I don’t know what we’ll find out there.”

“I just hope we’ll get him back soon…” she whispers, leaning against the familiar contour of her side in a futile hunger for comfort.

Garnet wraps her arm around her shoulder in turn, a rare show of vulnerability. Or at least, rare shown to her.

It’s at this point that the ship lurches off the ground, officially en-route to their destination. Thank goodness. And even better, with the coordinates plugged into the Roaming Eye’s navigation system and the craft’s autopilot functionality, there’s no need for one of them to continuously monitor and fly the ship. It’s a small mercy— one that allows them as much time as they need to reflect on present matters and center themselves for the quest ahead.

With this in mind, Pearl steps away from the main console to join them.

“All right!” she says, clasping her hands together with forged (and already cracking) confidence. “We should go over the plan one final time before we land.”

Amethyst sighs, her whole body curving inwards as she slouches against the wall. Pearl’s right, they need to review their strategies before making ground so they can operate as a true team, but… what good will their antiquated Era 2 battle tactics bring to this third era problem, anyways? This would all be so easy if it were simply some random corrupted Gem, but it’s not, is it?

She can just feel it.

Now’s not the time to dwell on such dour thoughts, though. She has to focus, has to pay attention, or else none of this will work. Every single one of their close friends has put in their full effort to help with this mission, and she can’t let them down.

Peridot and Bismuth worked double time to develop a set of modified barrier axis crystals capable of restraining not only the most powerful Gems, but organic life as well. (Best to prepare for the worst, she always says, hah.) They’re staying behind for now— holding down base at Little Homeworld just in case sudden disaster strikes— but plan to meet up once they’ve contained the immediate situation. Lapis, meanwhile, is circling a wide perimeter around Mask Island in case any hazardous Gem tries to escape.

As far as the humans go, Connie is on a mission to find Lion. (Alas, that feline has an annoying habit of wandering off when they need him most. She’s really not sure how Connie and Steven have put up with it for so long.) Once she receives the ‘go’ signal from one of them, she’ll bring over Greg and possibly her mother, should Steven need any emergency medical care. (That’s assuming they find him, of course.)

And as for Amethyst and Pearl? They’re the strike team… the boots on the sand. Their role is to locate this rumored corrupted Gem— no matter who it may turn out to be— and distract it for long enough that Garnet can lay out all the barrier axis crystals and activate them, trapping the being within an impermeable dome. A theoretically straightforward plan, if it weren’t for the troubling fact that they’re all in varying stages of falling apart.

The Red Eye makes ground. The whole cockpit lurches as the shock absorbers underneath compensate for the abrupt impact. Welp. Here they go. There’s no turning back from here.

Renewed anxiety radiating throughout the deepest facets of her hard light form, she follows the others outside.

Mask Island… isn’t terribly too different from how she remembers it. The water is a warm crystalline blue. The geode-like inclusions in the cliffside glitter under the dim rays of the morning sun. The topography is still lopsided and janked. (The Cluster’s fault… those earthquakes really did a number on the place, huh?) A whole jungle of uncommon, vibrant flora blankets the soil just offshore. It’s not a pretty day by any means— the sky is partially smothered by angry, pinkish grey cloud cover— but it does make for an almost otherworldly impression. It’s often astounding to her that such a vista could exist on Earth and be almost entirely untouched by both Gems and humans alike.

Well, kinda, she thinks with an ever intensifying grimace, as the three of them approach a series of gigantic impressions ground deep into the sand. The imprints are as wide as like… two of Greg’s vans smashed together, and appear to be—

Pearl clamps a quivering palm over her mouth, her exclamation muffled. “I-is that—?”

“Footprints,” Garnet nods. “We’ve found our runaway.”

“Geeze, this thing must have like, ginormous claws,” Amethyst says, hugging her arms tight around her torso. “Are you sure we shouldn’t go grab Bis and Peri for backup first?”

Garnet’s lips part to respond, but before she can utter more than a single syllable a tormented, cacophonous roar blasts from somewhere within the nearby thicket of foliage. Her expression twists with a quiet horror as she gazes beyond, no doubt an emotion that— as their intrepid leader— she’s doing everything within her power to suppress.

“All right,” she calls, summoning her gauntlets. “This is it, Gems. Stay together, and stick to the plan. On your ready—!”

Amethyst swears her whole universe is destabilizing, whirling in dizzy circles around her as the corrupted Gem’s footfalls creep closer and closer. She grits her teeth. There’s just no time left, not anymore. No matter the fears they carry, they must brace their forms to finally face the uncertainty of this present— for their own sanity. For Steven. For the beating heart of the Crystal Gems!

She pulls out her whip, falling into a defensive stance as the gargantuan creature rises from amidst the trees.

Ready or not, their future starts now.

[astorinx-writes]

Why "Lost In Outland" Is Astro Boy's Most Beloved Episode

The 2003 series is considered by fans to be one of the best renditions of Astro boy ever. Known for its risk taking and emotionally charged story-lines, most if not all the episodes hit. But one in particular, “Lost In Outland,” stands out among the rest. Why that is, has been of particular interest to me, who personally enjoys it as well. My findings have led me to come up with three reasons as to why. For starters, the change in pace & scenario compared to other episodes. Secondly, the unforgettable and unique characters. And, thirdly, Astro’s place in it all. While this is not an exhaustive list of reasons, it is clear from these three alone that, out of all the 2003 series episodes, “Lost In Outland” proves time and time again to be the best and most loved.

Now, of course, before we begin, I have to disclaim a couple of things. One, this is not meant to convince you to like the episode if you dislike it already, I am simply explaining what I have found & researched and presenting it to you as such. Two, I am well aware that the research methods I have used to come to these conclusions with drawbacks and downsides that harm its legitimacy. While I tried my best to circumvent this, things can and do fall through the cracks, and there is nothing I can do about that in said regard.

To start, I want to explain a little bit about how I got to this point, and what made me wish to write this post. I knew personally that Lost In Outland was my favorite episode of the 03 series, but when speaking about it with other people, I was shocked to find out I was not the only one who felt that way. I also, at the time, had developed some theories as a result of this feedback that hinged on my own personal thoughts, not just about the episode, but also about my personal life. Thus, I decided to put together a Google Form in an attempt to not only gauge what other’s thought about this episode, but also if my theories held any water.

Of course, as mentioned earlier, there are some caveats to doing a poll. Besides the obvious— that people can lie or use bots to manipulate the results— there’s also the inherent bias that I am (presumably) polling people who already like and enjoy the 2003 series. So, the odds of them liking Lost In Outland goes up tenfold. There’s also the fact that I was only (at the time of writing this) able to pull in 8 responses. But as I said, I cannot control how people respond, and who responds, exactly. Even if I made it extra obvious that the results would be anonymous, that still may not have been enough to convince people to be brutally honest. This fandom is also quite tiny, so while 8 people in a poll for any fandom would seem so little, in this case it’s actually quite a lot. Finally, there was a second section in the form that contained some more heavy questions (mostly pertaining to my theories) that people had to opt in to answer. Some may have chosen not to participate and thus only answered the questions from the first section.

Out of the 8 people who submitted responses, 75% of them consider Lost In Outland their favorite, or all-time favorite episode. 25% did not consider Lost In Outland to be their fave or all-time fave. Participants were given a question to elaborate on why they did or disliked the episode, and we will be discussing their thoughts later. For now, to continue, 75% prefer the subbed version of the episode, while 25% prefer the dubbed.

For the second half of the survey, in which 87.5% of people agreed to participate, 57.1% of them consider themselves to be LGBTQ+/queer. 42.9% of them (presumably) consider themselves to be cishet. Precisely 71.4% of them have said they’ve experienced some form of trauma at any point in their life, while 14.3% did not, and 14.3% said “maybe.” The final question, directly attempting to answer a theory I had made, was a bit inconclusive. Only 57.1% of people said that they have or had (at any point) thoughts of escaping/running away, starting over somewhere new, or anything similar.

Now that we have broken down the multiple choice responses, we can get back to talking about the written response question I saved for later. This brings us to the three reasons outlined in the intro as to why the episode is so enjoyed. For starters, we can talk about one of the most frequently brought up reasons: the characters. Many praised the unique nature of the commune characters, with one even mentioning how lovable and interesting they are. Personally, I also agree that the characters are what make the episode. They serve as the backbone for the episode’s plot, and as one participant said, even make for the perfect set-up for a spin-off show. Boon in particular was brought up twice and seems to be the breakout star altogether. However, I can also see the opposite for why some wouldn’t like this, as introducing so many new characters (that, spoiler alert, we never see again) can be overwhelming, or seen as a waste. But, I think the episode did a fantastic job at making them all diverse and unique that we can’t really forget them. And, as for the “wastefulness” argument, that’s somewhat valid, but it’s not entirely our fault that the show couldn’t find a way to bring them back in some capacity.

Next, we have something a little similar, and that’s the change of pace/scenery. Now this personally has got to be one of, if not the sole reasons I love this episode, and I’m glad everyone else agrees! To begin, many pointed out how we don’t normally get to see live as lived outside of Metro City, or even outside of those that are rich. This episode, based around a commune that is said to live in Outland as a “[Way for] people to forget about their problems.” gives us a perspective we haven’t seen yet. Of course, though, I can't talk about this point and not say the obvious, that this isn’t the first time (nor would it be the last) that Astro’s lost their memory. However, in this specific context, I think it takes that idea and freshens it up a little. It’s also really nice to see O’shay step up to the plate and take initiative in looking for them. Not to say that he’s never stepped up before, but as one participant wrote: “It was the first episode, Ochanomizu claimed parenthood over, Atom.”

Finally, our third reason is a bit hard to pin down. Originally written in my outline for this blog post as simply “Astro’s altruism”, which is based on a single response written that spoke of Astro wanting to help others, despite everything. It seems far more that the majority (including myself), similar to liking how different of a situation Astro was in, also liked what it represented for them. Now, I am no psychologist, nor would I claim that anyone who participated is, either. Even still, the fact that it's as clear as the night sky that what Astro goes through is enough to make us all collectively sigh in gratitude that it’s not of importance or worry this time around, is astounding. Yes, there is still something to be said about the episode's entire premise beginning with Astro going out of their way to fix the satellite, despite not being instructed to do so at all. As well as the fact that they were able to clear Boon’s name after successfully using the Boon Unit. But for once, we’re seeing Astro live a life where they aren’t pestered or arsed to have a “purpose,” to be a mediator, to feel like being an activist is more important than being a kid. They were allowed to just be, and that, is precious.

For the 25% who disliked the episode, only 1 submitted a written response that said though it is not their favorite, they still enjoyed the episode. The other declined to comment.

To summarize, there are many reasons why Lost In Outland is considered the best of the best, even by 2003 series standards. But, based on my research, the 3 most predominate ones are: the stellar characters, the unorthodox setting, and Astro’s place in it all. And considering I agree with them all, should it really have been a surprise to me that I wasn’t the only one? Perhaps not- but I’m glad to now have concrete evidence as to why, and perhaps you do too as well. Because, out of all the 2003 series episodes, “Lost In Outland” proves time and time again to be the best and most loved. And the proof is in the pudding.

[whyiseveryname-taken]

HSR CRACK THEORY!!!

In which I tell you what I think about the Rating Pistol curio rates means.

Contains: unnecessarily long post, spoilers (1.2), written before Kafka's banner, and is more of an imagine than a proper theory.

This is the “Character Survivability” theory!

(I'll just credit the name idea from @hsr-texts, go follow them, they have character accurate chatfic)

For backstory, I was watching a theory of why the Rating Pistol curio can't rate Sampo and March. The theory comes to the conclusion of both being Eminators. Which is fair considering March is a mysterious girl with amnesia and Sampo is really suspicious.

Then I got curious and checked all of the characters' score from a fan wiki:

Now originally, I think that there's nothing wrong with that theory. It's straightforward and makes sense, the theory (for me at least) seems to imply that the lower the number is, the stronger the entity's strength.

But what bugs me was that Blade... gets an average score. Only 42, which implies more than half of the playable characters are stronger than him.

What's more strange is there are entities that's score is lower than most of the playable characters:

With Pom-Pom, sure, they could be what's left of Akivili, but this theory implies that a Bouquet is more stronger than all of the characters except four (five) specific ones.

So I just changed my ways of thinking starting with the rating invalid characters...

...I'll be honest, I forgot why my conclusion was “Character Survivability,” but now we're here, so whatever.

Think about it, Tingyun's score is 13 and her status is basically unknown (rumors said that she's dead long before we met her), meaning that character's scores that are below her's could potentially have a death flag, meaning the ones with invalid ratings (Jing Yuan, Luocha, March 7th, Sampo) could die further into the story.

Granted, this theory is a stretch, only supported by Jing Yuan blacking out in 1.2 and Himeko having a low score, but it is something to think about, eh?

Theory implies that the Rating Pistol can see the future like how Elio does, take that as you will...

Here's some interesting stuff if you go with this theory:

‌Pom-Pom has a death flag...

‌Inanimate objects break easily, so of course they have low scores

‌Herta is a puppet, not sure where the original one is, but one of her text idles consists of her losing connection to one of her puppets, so there's that.

‌Welt has a lower score than Himeko, which opens angst potential with Welt sacrificing himself to not let this Himeko die.

‌Jing Yuan and Yanqing's huge score difference, another angst potential.

‌Blade is looking for a way to die yet his score is average, it's gonna take some time to die for him.

‌How would you guys feel if Sampo would stage his own death?

‌The writers quietly leaking characters who they might kill is pretty funny, no?

But with every theory, there's a flaw. I won't shy away from them because this isn't meant to be taken seriously anyways.

‌Is Tingyun really dead?

‌Would they really kill March 7th, who's literally the game's cover. (Maybe, I don't know, the only other Mihoyo games I've played was Genshin and they're not killing playable characters as of right now...)

I have no idea what Luocha's role is

If no characters actually die, then uh...

‌Hook, a literal child barely involved in the main story, has a death flag?

This is all I have, I can update when I have another thought, but... yeah.

[ritualcaster]

Lets make a convientet bullet list of all the weird things in "It's time for the" [SPOILERS]

The weird little out of place things yk.

The number "57"

Jasonville / Jasonville tv

Eliminations (especially wheels's but ill get too that)

Polkadot's portals (too Jasonville)

The weird ass post credit scene of 5:00 (and the credits of 5:00!)

The backwards messages from "polkadot" (??)

So first of all, that last bullet,

What the fuck

First of all it seems to function similar to polka dot portal wise

It talks backward, but i know in 4:00 it said

"I can hold everything together for only so long"

And

"Change the channel!!" (Three times)

It seems that for whatever reason, channel 57 (the channel "its time for the" apparently plays on) does something to people.

This is what clocks tv looks like (while playing channel 57, in case thats important)

A "clock" shaped hole in it, with glowing white cracks that emenate polkadots.

Lets talk about polkadot.

At least some of her portals go to jasonville, maybe all of them.

We know this because when green got cut in half during the 2:00 challenge, we see his half get used in a key "lime" pie on the jasonville cooking channel.

Somehow polkadot is gonna be important.

But.

Ill be honest. I dont even have a theory.

I have no idea how to compile any of this information, or how it all fits together.

If i had to give my best estimation, i'd say that "its time for the" is a show that accidentally became real somehow, and i have a feeling its because of polkadot.

And now they have to deal with two seperate realities being equally true.

I also think theres a bit of time travel happening maybe

Help

[kimberlyannharts]

LAST TIME ON.....Power Rangers Hyperforce?  A bunch of crazy stuff happened that would take too long to explain because my god I am not rewatching all of those three-hour tabletop episodes just for a single one-shot book.  You just need to know there’s a team of rangers called Hyperforce that was mentored by Jen who went through a lot of shenanigans across their time stream until everything broke and they didn’t get a second season and everything sucks.  Also the pink ranger’s dad is the main bad guy and she works for him now.  Got that?  Okay.  Power Rangers Unlimited: Hyperforce.  

- eh you know what, let me just repost the recap from the previews.  it does a decent job at summing up the first season so we might as well have it again as a reminder for what’s happening

- fuck you dad i’m supposed to be taking down my dad

- yeah sorry Chloe but your plan never would have worked.  Jen is not allowed to die in any story ever written with her inclusion

- Alpha 55!!!!!!!!!  I did miss them.  Even if they started the confusing trend of taking MMPR stuff and repainting them gold and black  

- I still can’t fucking believe Joe/Nadira is canon.  Literally for what reason

- It took me a second to remember that Hyperforce went to the North Pole during the first season and I have to say I laughed imagining newbies picking up this mostly serious and dramatic book just to get to this page

- it’s a shame the answer to this was Eddie dumping this beautiful woman at the alter for Vesper and not Vesper simply adding herself to the marriage

- let her cook honestly 

- great character development, everyone!  now anyway 

- [always sunny theme] the gang gets betrayed.  also Marv and Joe are here

- I already made the Emperor Belos joke but now I’m distracted by the fact he’s stealing Drakkon’s half hair/half bald style.  It doesn’t look good guys, no matter where you part it!!!!!!

- you know, serious question here.  Did they give Marv shit for not getting the Battlizer in Hyperforce???  I thought it was just a Thing That Happened and everyone was like haha cool

- “upgraded Rita Repulsa” 

- see even Big Bad Dad thinks this story is rushed

- well at least he’s honest

- I find it funny that they’re pressuring Marv to be the leader just because he’s red when they were mentored by fucking JEN

- it’s a shame Hyperforce is canonically set in 3000s because you know if it wasn’t this would have set off a string of “[random ranger girl] is Chloe’s mom” theories  

- I mean she’s right.  what hope do we have from a team who couldn’t even get a second season

- idk Shattered Grid got fixed pretty easily.  Even the cracks that were supposed to be some huge existential consequence just kinda............were fine 

- Funny coincidence how the Hyperforce team goes to recruit the Wild Force team only for them to already be beaten.  I feel like this would have worked a little better if they went to the Wild Force team because they were pinging for help, because they genuinely don’t give a reason as to why they go to the Wild Force rangers specifically kjlskdlfksj just based on vibes, I guess

- first of all: going from referring to Spa’ark with he/him to they/them pronouns in the span of a panel makes me feel like the misgendering was an editor mistake, which........come on, guys

- second of all: it’s not a surprise that Taylor is the only one left considering her popularity but lbr her popularity is because she’s basically Wild Force’s version of Jen.  Jen, who was a main character in Shattered Grid.  sooooooo not helping the “this is just Shattered Grid” allegations

- third of all: IS DRAKKON THE ONLY VILLAIN TO LOOK AT WHAT RITA’S DOING AND GO UHHHH NO THANKS?  Spa’ark wanted to FIGHT Dark Specter!!!!!  why are they joining him now!!!!!!  why must we continue to destroy any of their nuance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t mind them having a body though despite it being a plot point that they're only a spirit/consciousness that exists inside their morpher/zord because I feel that’s easy enough to bullshit an explanation like Rita fixed them through magic or whatever

[crownedspectre]

SO Mortis has gone on record multiple times saying this game does not have any one meaning...I know one popular fan theory is that Hugo is very ill and the switch is meant to signify the choice to be taken off of life support and accept death.

To be quite honest, I've never truly cared for this reading of the game and ones similar to it. Not to say they are bad by any means!! I just find the explanations given to be too literal for my tastes, it ignores the significance of the player within the story, and what would Judge's choice mean in that instance? If you are terminally ill, you can not choose to simply not die. You can choose to endure suffering sure but...The Judge is shown to be a sympathetic character, while the Batter is firmly framed as an antagonist in the latter half of the story. I don't think the choice to be taken off life support when you're chronically ill is bad or evil. If anything The Judge's choice seems crueler to me with that reading in mind! My interpretation of the game is within the same spirit, but the stakes are a little less dire than death. To me, this game is about escapism. Toxic escapism...and the choice to either give up and retreat inward or stay present even when it feels like "nothing is left". I have a few key points to support this reading.

1. “Vincit Qui Se Vincit” 

This is what Zacharie says right before you fight The Queen. The full saying translates to “He who prevails over himself is twice victorious” It means that “a person who overcomes his weaknesses or failings, who is able to control his emotions and actions, wins life's most important battle.” I think Zacharie is talking to You here, the player. He is urging you to look inward…to question what Batter represents to you. Thus far, even though you and the Batter have moved as one, there has always been a disconnect due to your limited scope as a being outside the realm of the game, and it’s only grown as you’ve progressed. I am no longer a God, but a passenger at the whims of a narrative, one that has begun to sicken me. This now feels more like Batter's mission than mine, and Zacharie foreshadows that the only way to truly win is to get a handle on this rogue part of ourselves. (This will make more sense when I explain what I feel The Batter is meant to represent, but keep it in mind for now.)

  2. Sucre's Dialogue 

The short conversation before you fight Sucre is really illuminating to me. The first line especially.

"Ignoring why things are so frightening" is the entire purpose of an escapist fantasy. The goal is to endure a painful reality as little as possible. In fact, this has been a theme throughout the entire game, particularly prevalent among the elsen who are more than once seen avoiding aspects of their reality that cause them to feel what they consider to be, unpleasant emotions. (Death in this world is also synonymous with an escape from pain.)

3. Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 

The Judy Garland version of this song famously features in The Wizard of Oz and it's sung by Dorothy, who is tired of the mundanity of her average farm life and is hoping to somehow be able to get away from it all...

"Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh, why can't I?"

I think Hugo is implied to have had a rough upbringing for sure, and I do feel a large part of the game is suggested to take place in his head, although I tend to favor a reading that's even MORE abstract and just say that Hugo himself represents a child's imagination and innocence. The world of OFF to me represents a child's perception of the outside world before it has been disillusioned. It was bright, colorful, and safe, but then ~something~ happened that changed that. Life happened. Suddenly, the rose-tinted glasses start cracking. That's when the neurosis sets in, the guardians start losing their grip, the spectres arrive to throw everything into chaos...and then eventually comes The Batter, who to me, symbolizes a complete rejection and subsequent destruction of a world that once brought you comfort. When you have been mistreated, your hatred and apathy DO feel righteous. At his core he is nihilism personified...and once he destroys your inner child the only thing that's left is to give up on everything. This is what Zacharie was trying to open your eyes to, and that is why The Judge's ending is so profound to me.

The Batter's decision is immediately appealing. Sunk Cost fallacy. We’ve already made it this far…the world is a shell of what it once was. Why keep going when there is nothing left in sight to fight for?  But The Judge argues that simply existing is better than turning your back on it all. Why? Sugar says it best in her dialogue, “Think of something beautiful really hard, and maybe you will see it tomorrow.” As long as we push forward, we can have hope. And hope is what I felt, watching the end credits after completing The Judge's ending and seeing him walk through the barren landscape alone. Hope, that one day something new could take its place.

This reading to me equalizes both end-game decisions in my mind. I don’t think either one is “wrong” necessarily, just different reactions to trauma that you could have.

And what about You? The player? Well.

It is impossible for me to ignore that we are a character in this story too, we are addressed by name!! and when you take the obvious religious themes to their logical conclusion, you are likened the most to a god. That's why I believe that the world of OFF is meant to be....yours.

You're the one who's hurting. Hugo is YOUR sick inner child. It's why you're the one who's overseeing the destruction of everything through Batter. You want this just as much as it is his nature to provide it as a self-destructive Part of you!

(Him talking about himself here ^ )

It's also the reason why you're the only one who can stop him at the end and The Judge couldn't do it without you (even though he has a move that can kill batter in like 3 hits when you play as him.) The choice to kill off parts of yourself that no longer serve you is the only one that you can make.

SO BASICALLY, TLDR...

The zones are different sectors of your own inner landscape and Batter is a self-destructive part of your brain that earnestly masquerades as a protector since he believes the best way to protect you from a painful reality is to cut you off from it.

Hugo isn't immediately accessible until you destroy everything else because he is your heavily repressed inner child. Once he's gone however, you can make the final decision to retreat inward and disconnect from the outside world completely. Making the decision to not pull the lever means that even though life has been painful to you, you opt to continue to stay present in the hope that things will get better someday...somewhere over the rainbow.

When I pulled that lever in the last moments, I didn't grieve for Hugo, I grieved for myself. It felt deeply personal to me the first time I played OFF 8 years ago, and it still did on my latest playthrough.

I do believe this game and its messages are important however you chose to interpret them, although I figured this post was in order because this is the "canon" I operate from and what I will depict in my art and posts.

[rantingdinguslady]

Seen some crack theories that alaric stark and queen alysanne have an affair, that alyssa was alaric's. Idk if it's plausible but it would be funny that the targaryen line prosper because of a .... bastard. That jaehaerys choose a bastard's son as heir rather than rhaenys, the trueborn 😂.

AND THIS WOULD MAKE THE DANCE AND BLACKFYRE REBELLIONS EVEN FUNNIER.

Even funnier, that makes the starks in the asoiaf main series be related to the baratheons, martells, tyrells, and more.

It would be hilarious for sure. In fact it would make Alyssane interesting that the woman who let her daughters be abused by her husband for having sex, loosing another daughter to death because of stillbirth of a bastard child and having another girl run from them because she saw the writing on the wall, has herself committed infidelity in the past with another man and its the self denial hypocrisy which drives her and her husband abuse every child which shows any signs of sexual or disobedient , headstrong personality that doesn't align with their own narcissistic self image.

However I also think its unlikely because at that point the marriage between Alyssane and Jaehaerys was in a good spot and she was still that girl who ran away from home to pledge her romantic devotion to a guy who thought he was the wisest guy of them all at 14! so I do not see a woman who is enamored with that kind of a man and happy with it for a good while to fall for the gruff charms of a Northern man who was acting like a "disobedient" horse. Not least because I see Alyssane as a Mean Girl(TM)

Mean Girl(TM) Alyssane is your typical society bee who does charity, wants to use poor people's plight as their project to boost their own image. They have OODLES of charm and charisma which can make the most wary of people turn into puddle in their feet if they direct it at you. However its all a front. Behind close doors they can be vicious to those they think don't do what they say. The fact she was so nice to Alaric and his customs but at the same time took the territory under him to give away to the Wall to cull his power, raising one of her daughters against extremist Septas who would eventually reject a great match for her just because he is a "heathen" Old God worshipper??

I see a mean girl hypocrite a MILE AWAY.

We even have a serial character satirizing that type of a person ( in mild way, she is not as MEAN as Alyssane) aka Maya Sarabhai LOL

I don't see any sincerity in Alyssane's personality, nothing deeply likable. Alaric sounds like an honest if bad temperamental guy who just fell for a very strategically charismatic woman 's diplomatic charms and didn't anticipate the blow she and her husband are about to deal to his hard power.

Starks thanks to the Lyanna Rhaegar match ( if not legal one) do have a relation to every major house now and it would only combine further when Jon becomes King (consort) or something with Dany( people are arguing over whether Dany will be Queen or Jon when the simple answer was right front of our face aka Dany as Queen and Jon as King consort ala Visenya and Rhaenys . His obvious parallels to Daemon as more and more time passes [ a man with dubious character confidence of being a bastard and now known as "half wildling" "traitor" etc makes him sound suspiciously like a certain "half hero half villain" "equal parts light and darkness" "rogue" prince don't you think?] makes it clear that is where this is heading)