#now she longs for human life
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I personally think it would be very amusing if Tesla gets revived alongside Knives in Stargaze and spends her entire time being rude to him and nitpicking his actions based off of some petty grievances. Like imagine he's trying to do one of his little murder speeches and she steps out of the shadows where she was standing (menacingly) going "Hey remember that time you got a whole cake for your Birthday? I never got a birthday cake. And you guys got a whole one to yourselves" or just going "Oh that's a cool thought, did you best friend Child Killer Conrad give it to you?"
Just real hater energy from her
#trigun stampede#trigun stargaze#trigun but also a shitpost#Tesla#millions knives#oh those cries of anguish you thought were coming from the dependents?#no sorry that was Tesla groaning about spending another day in the piano room instead of going to the carnival and riding a rollercoaster#she's spent years seething in a slow-boiling rage because Conrad offered to take him to a new Chinese Buffet one time and Nai just scoffed#she perfected the art of giving Nai day-long migraines after he refused Elendira's desire to put barrettes in his hair#doesn't even like humans but spent so long being forced to watch him live like an evil monk that she comes out negatively polarized#doesn't necessarily make Vash's life easier either just makes Knives' life marginally more obnoxious#just pops out and goes ''I am ALIVE and FREE and I am making it YOUR PROBLEM NOW!!!"
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actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-
#did you want her to...not end up with the doctor?#she ended up with the doctor. she ended up with the doctor and they get to AGE together#they get to have a real honest relationship the way they both always genuinely wanted#it's hard that the full time lord version has to carry on without her but that is the way that character's story ALWAYS goes#the doctor does not get to keep ANYONE. it would be a different show if he did#meanwhile there is a version of that same face of his - the one that was MADE for love? particularly born out of love for ROSE? the one 1/2#2/2 that always wanted a FAMILY? and stability? and a normal life? the tenth doctor longed for that specifically because of rose#now he gets to have it AND be part-human so he doesn't have to watch her get old. he gets old WITH HER#and they're canonically growing their own Tardis so you don't even have to be sad that they're not adventuring in time and space as usual#because they ARE. it's the kindest ending for either character. and if the full time lord hadn't left without either of them-#-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her-#-with a proper happy ending. which she CHOSE to have so you can't be like “he tricked her!” she chose to kiss one of them and it was Tentoo#they are the same man. Rose won in this scenario.#and I GET IT I am with Billie Piper I think it will always feel a little off that she was left with Tentoo and not the full time lord#I understand. it still makes me a little sad. but I know it's a good ending writing-wise. really the ONLY ending.#yes I know about the popular idea of Immortal!Rose or Bad Wolf Rose or whatever and that's cute and all BUT - it's not a GOOD thing#it's not PREFERABLE to be immortal. Rose doesn't want to live forever. she wants to be with the man she LOVES forever.#she doesn't want to not die or adventure for all time. she wants to be there to hold his hand. and when Tentoo is born she gets THAT!#Immortal!Rose is tragic. the Doctor would not wish the burden of immortality on the woman he loves HELLO#anyway#I ship timepetals. that includes Tentoo/Rose. because he is the doctor#so there#I have more thoughts on Tentoo specifically but I digress#maybe if provoked in an Ask or something idk#doctorrose#timepetals#opinion piece#tenrose#tentoo#handy
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Wait something funny just occurred to me. In the AU where the kids get cyber formed but remain on the edge of being adults, someone would have had to give them the Cybertonian version of The Sex Talk.
Would it be Ratchet, giving them the strictly medical side of things, or would it be some bot, talking about the experimental/exploring parts?
(I genuinely believe Ratchet would have an aneurysm of some kind at the prospect of it. But let's pretend)
I have to name this verse properly because Tarn isn't here, but it will eventually lead the D.J.D. to Earth. I'll keep the soulmate au tag until I can figure out something.
Ratchet does have an aneurysm because he has set ideas on what is and isn't 'appropriate' from Functionist-held Golden Age Cybertron, but he also carries a lot of guilt from out-surviving almost all his friends, cohorts, and students...
And it's all being dragged into the mud by the Jasper trio, who gives no quarter on crushing his prejudices and fears. Even Raf, his favorite, casually steamrolls over it with the draconian and American mindset of giving no fucks.
Team Prime had harmless thought exercises of what their charges' Cybertronian frames would be like... and none of them were remotely correct!
Because Miko is a Seeker femme, Raf may or may not be a type of Predacon, and Ratchet can't get proper readings on Jack's base-coding, Ratchet sits them all down because they're not sparklings or mechlings with sealed plates but full-framed mecha with total access. He gives them the reproductive talk, especially since Seekers and beastformers go into reproductive heats, but humans don't have that. He's trying to be mindful, and Ratchet is going through the different sexual methods and the variations of parts. Of course, Raf has to interrupt because the draconian mech has two spikes and no receptacle, and he would like to know about any necessary care.
All in all, it's really Ratchet having another fit because his weird humans are now weird Cybertronians of yore/throwbacks. And the ex-humans are taking it rather well, but Jack, Miko, and Raf had literally lifetimes to explore sexuality: as humans, human-hybirds by exploring their heritage as well as alchemical concoctions and very curious lovers.
This, however, did kickstart the path of Ratchet teaching Miko his medical knowledge as she doesn't want the results. She's burning to have the technical skills and knowledge of the processes. Ratchet does pass on his skills to Raf and Jack, but Raf prefers the science as Jack is more fascinated by procuring research material. Miko literally bullzoned her way to become his student. The howling matches they had shook the foundations of the base, but she got her way because she deliberately aimed at his vulnerable parts. ("You'll leave us one day to go back to Cybertron! And you're refusing to tell me how to properly care for myself!?") Ratchet is highly concerned about how voracious Miko's appetite is for that knowledge.
She yearns to become a Tsunade/Unohana terror among them because they have a strong suspicion that if their status is revealed, then they'll become targets. She'll become a Cybertronian Bloodbourne horror if it means she'll never be trapped like what happened to some of her kin.
#ask#transformers#transformers prime#tfp#soulmate au#jack darby#miko nakadai#raf esquivel#humanformers#humans into Cybertronians#ratchet#magic#creature#medical complications#cybertronian biology#cybertronian culture#violence#maccadam#my writing#i know i hadnt written about it#but ratchet here has a lot of survivor guilt and shame#he feels like a failure especially how the reconstruction is going#and now more failure is being rubbed in his face as the kids picked up the slack#the jasper trio keep throwing themselves in danger instead of living a normal life with normal trouble#and miko as a Seeker femme is giving Ratchet cold sweats because he treated 'beloved' Songbirds that were basically bred to death#he has a lot of conflicting wants and actions that stem from trauma or well intentions but...#at least miko isnt the kind of person to let it shimmer too long. she gnaws to the root and will challenge or find a way to get it.
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Not having the gods be responsible for the Aeor bubbles (Aeubbles) actually felt like a very nice choice to me; I was kind of dreading them turning out to be Erathis’ work or something. Because if the gods did pick and choose who to save, plucking their special followers out above all others, I don’t know if it would feel like a kindness to me! Why does this six year old in a city of horrors get to live while his neighbor dies? For the circumstance of faith? It would be cruel in a way that they haven’t been cruel—at least natural disasters don’t pick favorites. Mount Vesuvius didn’t pretend to be judging the content of anyone’s hearts.
It also gives one last bit of autonomy (and one last final brutal parallel with the gods they hate) to Aeor’s mages. They made something so beautiful and terrible, an awe that brought the god of magic to tears, and even as the gods pulled it down in their ears they had one last paranoid failsafe! One last screw you measure preserving a terrible truth. But just as Asmodeus accuses, Aeor clearly drew distinctions between the people who matter and the people who don’t. That blue bubble we’ve seen in the amphitheater—it’s not any of the panicked masses who were saved in perfect glacial magic, it was the archmage.
At the end of the day, it was Aeor that built a hierarchy to save some people and leave others. They might not have sunk the Titanic but they made sure only the first-class passengers would have access to their last, most desperate life boat. I’m glad the narrative allowed them to have that triumph. In trying to be a godkiller how close must you mold yourself to the shape of a killing kind of god?
#critical role#exu downfall#aeor#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#similarly I have so many thoughts about the raven Queen’s choice to save hallis#one child among so many#a child who will wake up from a long nap somewhere in exandria#without his mother out of the city he’s lived in his whole life#he had family in the opus ward but that’s gone now too#he’s just one little boy plucked out of the wreckage and left#and she normally wouldn’t but in this case I think she thought it was Owed#and she was still human and grieving her own death and she wanted to be selfishly kind#but there is selfishness in there amid all the threads of fate the duty the grief the rules#a lot going on in that tiny tiny choice
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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The primordial sea is going to have NOTHING on the flood that's gonna hit fontaine from Neuvi's crying once Furina dies now that she's mortal tbh
And he won't be the only one crying but honestly? This poor girl has been putting on a constant act for almost 500 years, saw generation after generation come and go, and outlived everyone she could have grown close to except for him - and he was born a long-lived species, she's ever only been human. He loves her greatly and he'll feel her absence every moment once she's gone, but as much as I'd like to say he'll find some way to make her immortal (it's not like he has to play by Celestia's rules, or anyone's) I don't think he'd want to deprive her of her well-earned rest.
So I imagine once that day comes, the rains will be heavy and the sky won't clear for a long time indeed.
#anon#ask#answer#you make me sad now but you're right#i did wonder if he'd try to find some way to make her live for as long as he does#it's a popular trope in fanfic especially in this fandom#but he'd see it as too cruel#a curse of immortality is what she's been forced to endure all this time#she finally gets to live her life as a normal human woman#and that includes eventually dying at last#and that too is something she's earned#making her immortal because he can't bear to lose her would just be putting his own wishes before her own#it'd be selfish#neuvillette is anything but#genshin#genshin spoilers#neuvifuri
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i'm confused. are you and milleniallustfordeath not together?
my posts about having 0 bitches aren't an exaggeration
#we have been internet and now real life friends for a very long time#and she's my favorite human who i'm lucky enough to annoy/entertain virtually on a daily basis#but we're not romantically involved#sorry to wreck your ship#i've been essentially single for what feels like an eternity#so if you're looking to change that anon my dms are open
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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Lightning, water, and fire! Like forever before the plot starts. By the time the plot starts, the lightning and fire deities have been subjected to punishment by the two gods that picked them.
Oh (the fire deity) is first to be punished. They basically decide that since they're going to live for a long time, gotta set some long time goals! And they opt to be the wrath of the gods since most of the other deities are too 'soft' in their opinion. So Oh just. Smites humans. This isn't really a /good/ thing and in their defense mentally, they do it to help Ymber since he's the softest of them all. So their punishment by the gods is to be split in two, effectively halving the power of one into two. (Now they are in a male and a female body and use both male and female pronouns apart since they together make they but apart it feels weird to be they. But prior to the split they use they/them. Also the split bodies go by the names Ohiwe and Ohime.)
Fulj is the second to be punished. She falls in love with a mortal woman and that is a crime according to the gods. Mortals and immortals are not to be together and it will only bring suffering to both sides. So her punishment is her memories of the woman are stripped and her body basically broken to the point she can't remain physical all the time.
Ymber, unfortunately, is the one who blames himself for the discoveries and punishments. If he had only tried to restrain Oh more then maybe they would have chilled out and stopped before being punished. If he had only tried to persuade Fulj to not continue seeing the mortal woman so often perhaps she wouldn't have been punished. So he's just increasing the guilt on his shoulders every day that he remains unpunished since the elder gods have both laid down to rest. They can't enforce their laws anymore and none of the deities are keen on harming one another at this point. They just want to continue existing in peace.
#the daily life of a deity sucks#and then ymber falls in love with a human and is like welp this sucks and i understand fulj now#i also would have accepted the punishment for this#and fulj doesnt even remember the woman she was punished for and doesnt remember how she was before#so she is like hey ymber please just go and kiss the weird human i dont even like him but youre being mean by not kissing him#and ymber is just having the worst time of his life being encouraged by someone who used to be so happy#who he also encouraged to be happy once upon a time#also ohiwe and ohime pop up in the water city to bully ymber sometimes but its still in the way of#dude we like you please grow a spine its been a thousand years please grow a backbone and tell us to piss off#and he never tells them to piss off#also fulj has a long braid here but you cant really see it#and she loves to braid ymbers hair and he gets to braid hers when shes giggling and chatting about love#and a short while after the punishment fulj chops the braid off and ymber is like welp my friend is officially gone#and then he cuts his own hair and leaves to go develop his city alone in seclusion#and he sometimes just cuts it really short because hes still sad and soggy and thinks of fulj braiding his hair#and then she shows up one day when hes debating how long its getting and she smiles#and tells him he looks good with longer hair#so he kinda keeps it a messy short then it gets to be medium and he decides he can survive with medium but he couldnt do long again#but once again fulj is the reason for his life choices (and guilt)#also before anyone asks yes all the deities have a collar#its very important actually that they are collared its lore information thanks#and for what it matters - after oh is split both forms are just as tall#theres just two of them at half power but they are both tall
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penelope canonically retreating to her room and refusing food = she puts on some weight, the reason being both lack of physical activity as well as her body being on constant emergency mode (so what little she does eat ends up being stored away bc the body doesnt know when the 'starvation' will end). whats more her constant stress elevates cortisol levels which in and of itself leads to weight gain esp in the abdominal area.
tl;dr chubby penelope send fucking t w e e t
#that is it that is the post#cortisol is also known as the stress hormone#helps u wake up & regulates metabolism among other things#it helps you cope with stress but too much of it (much like anything else in life) is not good for you and your health#this has been on my mind for so long#no im not projecting#shush#thinking abt her naiad heritage too#like maybe she can get through long periods without or with very little food but her human body's nutritional needs prevail idk#and then midnight snacks maybe lol#away from the piercing gaze of the wretched suitors and judgemental looks of certain maidservants#chubby penelope for the soul#penelope of ithaca#my beloved muffin#with razor sharp teef#give the cinammon roll some tummy rolls!!#BONUS: when ody comes home they both heal together and side by side#coming to terms with just how merciless the years have been#ody gains healthy weight after years of abuse in ogygia (i hc he purposely denied himself proper food bc thats the only agency he had#as well as the making urself undesirable to the abuser)#and penelope goes for swims and perhaps bonds with telemachus in a new way like races and swimming competitions aw#as well as teaching him some naiad stuff he probably inherited#family healing yay!#:')#btw not saying they go back to their 20 year old physiques#what i am saying is they now take better care of themselves and each other#and one of the ways its reflected is in their frames#i think we need more middle aged odypen art#and age accurate content in general#esp post odyssey
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holy moly guys I found a really cool az and volo encounter comic on Twitter (tweet is by original artist)…
EDIT: Updated with rough translation below!!
1st page: Togepi: Wow, so many flowers! Hmm?
2 page: You there, you seem like a strange person. You’re larger than Volo. Do you like flowers? Oh, Volo!
3rd page: Volo: so you’re looking for a Pokémon?
Az. …Yes, i’m in a journey.
Volo: You come from a faraway region, I imagine?
Az: from here, to the west…what is it. (Gonna split this into multiple parts lol)
4th page continued
Volo: oh no, it’s just…your belongings, and clothings are something not commonly seen in this areas. Yet you seem to have make great use of them for a long time. Is your journey a long one?
Az:…. Volo: my apologies! To verify such a rare person, thing, event is of a merchant’s nature! It was a rather ill-mannered question, please do forget-
Az: 3000 years. Nearly 3000 years I have been travelling.
Volo: You are kidding me! You hold some distinctive conversation techniques! You are very amusing! What sort of a Pokémon that a person like you seek to find is it even if it would take 3000 years?
Az: ‘so he asks many questions in the end….’ “…floette. A Pokémon said to appear with a flower. In my region it is not rare. It is one of them.”
5th page: Togepi: 3000 years? I don’t understand at all but he has traveling for a long time? Torkoal: you would believe such a tale, young lady?
Togepi: he doesn’t seem to be the type of person to lie.
Torkoal: ohoho, you are astute, young lady.
Togepi: and about floette? She likes flowers? I would like to meet her!
Torkoal: ohoho
Volo: ‘his way of speaking…seeking a Pokémon doesn’t seem to be a lie…’ “To say it is uncommon, yet for you it is the most special one, isn’t it? Spending eternal time traversing landmarks you in seeking the special one…that is a very dreamy story! Az:….
Volo: I myself will be supporting you! I too would…
AZ: don’t do it. The unending pain of not knowing when it will all end…it cannot be called life. It’s hell.
6th page: Volo: I apologize if I offended you. I cannot comprehend 3000 years but I just thought taking time to pursue your dreams is a fabulous thing… I mean, what is 3000 years? Is it in the form of a jest?
Az…I’m tired. I will rest.
Volo; oh my, is that so. Well then have a good rest.
Togepi: that person, did he get mad?
Torkoal: cohoho, no…..perhaps he was reminded of the past.
7th page: Togepi to az: you like flowers, don’t you?
8th page: oh, are you already departing?
Az: yes. You wanted to hear my story. To live a life longer than an average person chasing a dream means you would suffer longer than any other person. It means you are the only one cut off from this world. This body of mine…from the dream I sought…must be punishment. You must not overstep.
Volo: punishment I see… yet if I were to be able to live long…ha ha…yes..
Az: you don’t understand, do you?
9th page:
Volo: "even if 100 years pass, I would like meet you and hear your traveling stories again! It’ a matter of perspective, isn’t it ? After all, I wish to take time to know the world better! I want to chase my dreams!! If the world were to punish me for this curiosity then I wouldn’t want to live in such a ridiculous one. And if I am able to fulfill my dreams…even the world…! I can live for a long time so I can…!
Az: I don’t know what kind of dreams you have but it is impossible to expand lifespan! Volo: Well then, how did you became the way you are now? …wait please, I would like to talk little bit more… (Le epic Pokémon appears)
Togepi: hey, this isn’t fair/right! Torkoal: I’m sorry young lady, this cannot be known.
10th page: im amazed! I didn’t know how much Pokémon were hidden until now. It’s like trained soldiers, or a weapon. You yourself beyond a glance appear to be honest and complicated individual… (So many unknown Pokémon…should I used THAT to rout them? No we need to know this man’s secret by revealing mine.)
Az: if we were to meet again hundred years later, I will tell you.
Volo: understood! For that we’ll have to work on that! (An interesting method to expand lifespan …a thinking that sounds like an insurance policy!) now it is the best time for me to carry out my plan successfully!
Torkoal: farewell young lady and thank you. It was fun.
Togepi: I hope you meet floette again soon. Give my regards to floette! Torkoal: kohoho…thank you young lady, thank you: I pray that after a hundred years or so later…we don’t meet again…”
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Effloresce Snippet
He kissed both her cheeks, bending even lower to raise Nesta’s right hand, pressing her cold knuckles to his brow in solemn salute. “Nesta Archeron,” Jurian said, like her name was twice its length, a foreign weighted history, “You ready to know whose blood runs in your veins?” Nesta, who had lived this particular conversation thrice over now, only shook her head. Touched between his brows in curious, only half-understood benediction, allowing him to step away. “Jurian. You survived the fires.” His smile was only in his eyes, rainwater grey searingly bright. “You wouldn’t waste time sending messages to corpses.” Nadia, from where she’d stopped three swaggering paces into the room, shedding her coat and swords with utterly false carelessness, huffed out a rough laugh. It was a bizarre comfort to see her, unchanged- strong brown hands dense with tattoos that bloomed into looser patterns up her arms, those knives and that hideous leather vest, remnants of a life that seemed nearly simple, now. So very far away. She cast a scathing look at Nesta’s guard, the Illyrian busy visibly wishing murder upon Jurian, his entire focus held on the distance between their bodies. “Protection has gotten more interesting,” she said, tone blithe, “Where’s your Vanserra?” “Honeymoon.” Nesta let herself lean back onto the desk, hand behind her body biting into its ash lip. Dawn, Winter, reconnaissance. Elain walking underhill in mortal wedding pearls, Lucien at her back. A heaved sigh, Jurian’s head oh so briefly dipped. “Wars and weddings, my lady. Blessings.” “When you were our age, humans couldn’t marry.” “Nor does he believe in any damned gods,” Nadia crossed the room fae quick, expression wicked as the guard flinched, stopping right alongside Nesta. A test, twofold- Nesta didn’t pull a knife as Nadia had once taught her, the legionnaire didn’t start in on violence without orders. “Don’t believe the prayers, unless they’re bloody.”
#yes I'm still here actually and having a great time#Jurian 'babe for all seasons' 'sweetheart with an axe' hero of humankind#Nesta's guard in exactly twelve seconds: LADY ARCHERON IS ENTERTAINING A COURTSHIP#Kali whose day has already been. long. to say the least: slightly wishing lightening would just strike her now#Nadia!!#'the mercenary' I'm sorry I give everyone names that canon does not#Not me creating a mythology literal years ago just to drag it back#Jurian doesn't want to be king he wants to serve a human queen!#that's all he ever wanted!#humanity free and led by humans#Jurian is also. old. in a weird abbreviated way that is not the same as faery old and thus has some fun ancient manners#Nadia has never been polite in her life#she's not starting now#Truly the amount of problems Feyre's sisters CAN CAUSE just keeps increasing#effloresce#Cassian somewhere quietly trying to drown himself in a puddle just to get a grip while Az does something unhinged and menacing
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zesty lowkey just another way for str8 ppl to say faggot / faggy and get away with it
#and im sick of letting them#cus why my lil nephew not even ten yet saying that and 'acting 'zesty' ' with his friends#i hate sounding like a boomer like i value the upside of technology#but u give humans / ANYONE rlly a chance to relax and a lot will turn it into laziness / neglect just because they can#like it's good to spread awareness but it's maybe likeeee. Not a good thing to spread statements/stereotypes with no further explanation#and peddle it to CHILDREN#whose comprehensions skills are. surprise. that of a CHILD'S#i say this ironically. btw#'oh im so mature for my age' no bro ure an immature HUMAN whos being forced to immaturely consider urself mature#due to the nature of ur relationships and homelife (or more-so the lack/negatives of them)#like it's ok to be a little stupid#as long as u keep trying to improve instead of just sitting in fault#or acting like they dont exist#anyways this got off topic but ya. crazy#kids have been killing each other n crazy shit like that but lately the crazy murder stories have HEAVILY leaned into#a misunderstanding of materialism#instead of just 'i wonder what it feels like' it's 'she took my ipad & also i wonder what it feels like'#like the first was already scary enough & now we've got this shit???#empathy is going thru a downside and we need to adjust the scales back!!!#im not gonna act like this is some new never seen b4 onset of fear impacting a generation after mine#bcs it's not never seen before in LIFE.. it's just never been seen b4 in UR life. which can feel like LIFE LIFE bcs like. uve only got one#that u may be cognizant of or etc religion aspect insert here. the point is. history repeats itself. but the points of history#can vary in visibility. some events get more notice than others bcs history's voice is ppl & actions & sometimes that gets erased#this isnt some bastardization point of one generation. but it IS a flaw that can show up in any gen (usually the oncoming ones)#bcs changes can be comfort & discomfort & the one u'd usually consider negative isnt always#anyways what im trying to say is. we need empathy back up period. always. we need empathy#lack of it is concerning. end of argument
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Just me being cheesy and feeling the love after feeling… empty?
Spent 2 days with my cousin and her amazing children and started this morning with a video call from my niece… I love them so much and feel the love and haismwpdheoans😭🥺🥹 this is what I needed
And I’m going for lunch with my friend and her family (I’m like her family’s permanent food/city tourguide since they’re from a different part of the country)… and she told me “you’re the little sister I’ve always wanted” and I was like “?????🥹😭” to the point she thought I was insulted/didn’t appreciate the comment 🤣🙈 ugh yeah…
Plus I got an adorable message from a mutual (HI KALI! 😘)
#ughhhhh#it’s always when I feel that I give out so much love and done receive any back that life is like ‘nah vee! you are loved!’#don’t *#not that I expect EVERYONE to love me and be friendly and stuff (although 👀🤪)#but still… ugh anyway it was a nice reminder that I am appreciated and loved#my cousins kids are so tall now and like wow…#I literally remember walking around with them in my arms and now they’re about my height (we’re tall lol) and 😭😭😭#and my mom called me because my niece was over and she’s all sunkissed and was showing me what she was having for breakfast and 😭😭😭😭#oh yeah… before anyone tried to come at me for this#I don’t ‘give out love/kindness’ expecting to have it in return…#but as a human sometimes it does hurt when you put all your energy into someone and don’t even get a thank you back…#this is a topic that could be like 939302 pages long to write about#fully aware no one shows love the same way#but again… sometimes it hurts/takes a lot of energy#ugh anywhoooo
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This is one of my favorite moments in the whole show
It's extremely cute and comes out of a place of genuine desperation and self loathing
It's so messed up and sweet at the same time
I think that's beautiful
#Steven got to the point that he hates himself so much he just wants to be Stevonnie#He loves Connie so he wants her to be his life#Connie still wants to be her own person though#I like to think that once Connie gets old enough and is like#dying from old age#they fuse and live forever as stevonnie#She did say “not now”#Steven can pretty much live for as long as he wants#I just don't see him wanting to die#He'll get old and stuff ofc but I don't see him dying like that#on a whim#Like his mom did#He won't just desert everyone like that#So they'll become stevonnie once Connie's human lifespan gets close to an end#Well it's all my headcanon though#steven universe#steven universe future#connie maheswaran#yoruyapping
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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