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thegoodomensdumpster · 5 years

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I WATCHED GOOD OMENS IN FRENCH SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

and it wasn’t that bad. Here are my thoughts, barely edited as I wrote most of them while watching the show.

EP 1

OK i like god’s voice so far

possibilité d’embarras gastrique is a good formulation, I wonder if it’s the same in the book ( I think I kinda need to read it in french now...)

aghghdhgs « primo-délinquants »

of course subtitles don’t match the audio for a variety of technical reasons but when you get things that have very different underlying meanings i find it… not good This one about Crowley being evil / a demon : subtitles : « c’est ton travail » - « it’s your job » audio : « c’est dans ta nature » - « it’s in your nature » i mean dang

crowley sounds like a little shit asking az about his sword

« T’AS FAIT QUOUA » - he just loses his shit (kinda giving me some le coeur a ses raisons vibe)

ok crowley sounds very nerdy when he tries to explain that he took down the phone network, i think i actually like this voice acting

ligur sounds… very suave (im a little ill at ease)

crowley getting called mon chou by satan freddie mercury is a thumb up from me

i see the part where aziraphale speaks japanese wasn’t dubbed over and we can still hear michael sheen. it’s a bit disturbing considering french aziraphale has a higher pitched voice (and he sounds soooo much more anxious than sheen, give this angel a xanax )

“sandwich bœuf cresson” ( beef and cress sandwich ) deirdre really who makes this kind of sandwiches

im being reminded that the chattering nuns prepared little cut outs for their explanation about the antichrist switch… such dedication to useless crafts (it made me laugh on my first viewing and it’s still funny to imagine that some of them either ordered or built these things themselves just so they could make this two minutes long presentation for the most important act of their satanic nun careers)

retire-toi vil démon infernal, créature des abysses XD i swear az doesn’t sound even remotely convinced when he is saying the « get thee behind me foul fiend » line in french, it’s just too over the top for credibility, it sounds like it’s straight out of some super intense dnd session

they still can’t say bouillabaisse (which, like, weird because french, but still valid). nice touch is crowley couldn’t say soupe de poisson (fish stew) either and said poupe de soisson (sish ftew)

warlock mah boy how can you be a teenager and not like dinosaurs

c’est un dinosaure un nullosaure plutôt - apply burn heal

La façon dont warlock s’est exclamé « C’EST NUL » m’a fait penser au nain de naheulbeuk

the english version has nothing on french speaking aziraphale for the second hand embarrassement during the magic tour. it’s over 9000 i literally hid my head in my jumper when he was presenting harry the bunny. Horrible experience, 0/20, would not recommend

EP 2

oooh agnes has a lovely voice !

why is young newton having such a quality dub for the three sentences he has to say

dick turpin’s name is jesse james (tbf dick turpin is not known AT ALL in france, i discovered him reading good omens)

shadwell is pure chaos (as expected). No particular accent for him though, the chaotic energy was probably enough. Would have made me laugh if he had like, a chti or a marseilles accent.

aziraphale is so fucking stressed out by crowley’s driving i thought he was gonna explode

« tu es un gentil garçon » => « you’re a nice boy » said az to crowley DANG THAT’S SO INFANTILIZING AZIRAPHALE YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEMON FROM HELL NOT TO PINOCCHIO

ARGH FIRST MON ANGE OF THE SERIES i’m hit straight in the heart

anathema’s mom doesn’t have a spanish / latino accent at all when talking in spanish…. why...

dog being called toutou is definitely adorable (it’s basically « doggy » but way cuter imo)

tickety-boo has become ça gaze. that’s valid. it’s corny but i still use it unironically from time to time so ... i stan

EP 3

« je répands la fomentation » « i’m here spreading foment » « quoi tu fais des crêpes au froment ?????? » « what you’re making crêpes with wheat ??? » love the fact that we shoehorned in one more ref to crêpes

az called crowley mon cher camarade, unintentionnal communist propaganda ftw

« pas de repos pour les… bah, pour les bons » « no rest for the… good » – az was so deflated about the ineptitude he realized he was saying, he felt zero percent commited to his sentence

i was wondering how they would play aziraphale not being able to speak french in the bastille and they opted to have him stutter a bit and say to his executionner « excuse me i’m anxious » XD

« vous êtes le 999e aristo à mourir par mes soins. Mais vous êtes le premier en costume beige » « you’re the 999th aristocrat I’m going to kill, but the first one in beige attire » yeah i guess now that az isn’t english anymore his most noticeable feature is his cream aesthetic

« c’est au cas où ça tournerait en eau de boudin » « j’ADORE le boudin » => « in case it all goes pear shape » - the literal translation featuring food in french is « turning into black sausage water ». I don’t know what pear shaped inspires to english native speakers but the mere mention of boudin always make me giggle, it’s such a funny word and such a funny food

OH !!! no terrence rampa for the tv series, we’ve got anthony J. rampa. Rip terrence petit démon parti trop tôt :’(

« tu roules trop vite pour moi rampa » SERIOUSLY i know we can still infer « rouler » (here as in driving, but literally rolling) as a metaphor for their relationship but you could have said TU VAS TROP VITE that would have been so much better argh

has anathema got an emergency stock of potteries to break in case of emotionnal crisis ?

« Rampa, un démon très futé, il m’oblige à redoubler d’effort » « crowley, a very clever demon, he forces me to make double the amount of effort » oh so admitting you’re making an effort there aziraphale ? :))))))

dang i really want to know how shadwell said that major milk bottle died because not only did he die in combat but aziraphale’s reaction is a bit intense, it must have been quite a tale (this could be a crack fic prompt : «The Epic Tale of the Death Of Major Witchfinder Milk Bottle, by Sargent Witchfinder Shadwell» )

des sorcières et des phénomènes sorciéreux x)

CROWLEY CALLED AZIRAPHALE DUCON ?????? EXCUSE ME ????? #NotMyCrowley #CrowleyWouldNeverDoThat #CancelAnthonyJRampa2K20 => ducon would be an insult, the gathering of du and con, con being a very nasty but common swear word, and associating it with du- makes it extremely patronizing. it’s like « absolute pathetic digraceful moron +++ ». thanks i hate it *frowny face *

EP 4

l’apocalypse c’est pour aujourd’hui juste après le goûter : it could be translated as « apocalypse is scheduled for today right after tea time » except that « goûter » is not quite tea time but rather the little sugary snack kids take when they come back from school and that most adults drop out of (i haven’t and i’m sure az hasn’t either). thanks aziraphale for having exclusively food related notion of the time because tbh same

ligur has no right to be this sexy between ariyon bakare and his french voice actor that’s just not allowed

radio crowley’s voice vs french ligur’s voice, who has the sexiest voice : FIGHT

(jk french agnes nutter’s voice is by far the sexiest)

gender neutral doesn’t ‘quite’ exist in french but pollution has been assigned a female voice actress and masculine pronouns (i’m saying it doesn’t quite exist because officially we have no gender neutral, but it’s a serious wip among lgbt+ circles to the point where it’s started being used in a few medias)

hastur « en attendant qu’un plombier vienne » / « while waiting for a plumber to come » does hell have a special plumber unit or do demons have to call on human plumbers for their pipes damages ? Dang hastur having to call a human plumber for hell’s plumbery is another damn good writing prompt for a crack fic

Michael is called Michel in the subtitles but Michael in the audio *shrug emoji*

EP 5

to get a wiggle on has become « il faut qu’on se remue les fesses », literally « we need to shake our butts » like, yes, se remuer les fesses is a common expression to say « we need to act in order to get things done » but it really casts the image of people shaking their booty to some music and obviously crowley thinks the same Weirdly enough I have almost nothing to say for that episode. Sorry. But we’ve discovered most voice actors and actresses so far and no bit of dialogue really struck me as worth discussing or pointing fingers to mock it.

EP 6

« on va BROUTER quelques derrières » - « we’re gonna lick some butts » OK THIS IS UNQUESTIONNABLY FAR SUPERIOR IN FRENCH THAN IN ENGLISH you thought LICKING butts was good ??? you really thought that ???? AZIRAPHALE HERE SUGGESTS TO GRAZE BUTTS. TO NIBBLE THEM. TO EAT THEM. TO. MUNCH. ON. THOSE. BUTTS!!!! not just licking, guys. This is as serious step beyond licking. (oh yeah he should have said « botter » instead of brouter btw, which is really just kicking, fyi)

« moi je crois en la paix, pétasse ! » wow, language, pepper (fyi i think « pétasse » is far far worse than « bitch » even if it means roughly the same, pétasse is almost never used while bitch is rather common, so it’s a swear word +++)

Dagon sounds like she’s got a nasty cold. #GetDagonIbuprofen2K20

I can confirm that Crowley offers Aziraphale to not just stay at his place, but to move in with him. « tu peux t’installer chez moi si tu veux ». omg they were roommates.

Bad translation strikes again : i don’t know why, but the french dub doesn’t have the « tickety-boo » / « ça gaze » being referenced as Rampa / Aziraphale is being knocked down, which is… a real mistep. It was narratively significant and I’m quite mad the translators missed it.

The Jesse James explanation from Newt has become very nonsensical, instead of the neat and to the point pun « wherever I go I hold up trafic » we’re getting a circonvoluted « because it’s a crime to mechanic’s diligence ». I’m not judging that one too hard, I have no idea how to make it better, and that’s probably how it was translated in the book as well thirty years ago, but it definitely doesn’t have the same impact. On the other hand, it definitely IS a very bad joke that doesn’t even deserve a chuckle, so Anathema’s embarassement really matches the audience’s (aka mine).

OVERALL :

I wasn’t convinced by Crowley… I mean, Rampa’s voice at first, but as the nerdiness showed up it really grew on me. I still think that french dubs have often problems with some voice inflexions every here and there, and for instance in Rampa’s case it was when he was annoyed or frustrated ( at the Globe when complaining about horses and Shakespeare’s plays that aren’t comedies, and also when discussing Azirphale’s magic tricks, it’s like… there is a step between having the right amount of grumpy complaining and overdoing it that is overlooked. It’s overacted, it should have been a bit quieter imo. I don’t mean to criticize voice actors too hard either but as an audience watching french dubs this is a very recurring problem and it always feels off to me. It’s actually one of the main reasons I avoid french dubs whenever possible.)

I have a hard time judging Aziraphale’s voice dub because it clashes so much with both the idea I had formed with it when I read the book and Sheen’s delivery that I just… kinda filtered it. It was too high pitched for me, and too anxious (though for this last point I must admit it could be funny at times, but I’m not fond of this character portrayal). The rest of the cast was rather good, nothing to complain about. There wasn’t anything stellar either, but everything that needed to be conveyed was and it was professionnal. It was also very homogeneous, no voice really struck me as being way too bad or way too good compared to the others, so it was really consistant.

So I don’t have much to complain about overall despite a few wonky translations here and there, BUT there is one thing I felt very robbed of : Crowley calling Aziraphale « mon ange » happens only once, when giving a lift to Anathema, and I’m almost certain they translated it that way because otherwise the joke about Anathama mistaking them for a couple wouldn’t work. So, they were forced to make it that way. The rest of the time Crowley calls Aziraphale « l’angelot », and despite being literally translated by « little angel », it feels sarcastic more than anything else ( the « L’ » in front of « angelot » is part of the reason why, it creates some distance, the other reason being that this word in itself has a very corny vibe and people being affectionnate to each other wouldn’t use it as a term of endearment). So, that’s a shame.

I like the English dub much much MUCH better than the French, but the french wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. The voice actors and actresses were quite good, the dialogues mostly faithful and endearing despite a few really missed steps. It really had its moments. Props to brouter des derrières, that one was fantastic.

#good omens #french #french omens #tv omens #my stuff #meta #review #long post #text post #i hope you found this entertaining :)

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shelovescontrol91 · 3 years

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In order to lure Camila Cabello to “Cinderella,” Kay Cannon borrowed a page from Prince Charming’s playbook. Sony told Cannon she could direct the film — she had already been writing the screenplay — provided she could convince the pop star that “Cinderella” should be her acting debut. So off Cannon went to Miami to meet with Cabello, having packed a glass slipper she’d bought on Etsy, even though her producers told her that would be “weird,” she says.

“I was there for, like, 30 seconds. And I’m like, ‘I hesitate to do this!’ And I pull out this glass slipper. ‘Does it fit?’”

However embarrassing, the gesture worked. In May, Amazon Studios bought “Cinderella” from Sony — with Cannon’s blessing — and it will premiere on the streamer on Sept. 3. While it’s disappointing that the movie musical won’t primarily play in theaters, the director, who has a daughter too young to get vaccinated, sees only the bright side.

“If the goal is for people to feel joy,” Cannon says, “I think we’re going to reach more people.”

At 47, Cannon is among the still-too-small group of women directors who have a Midas touch for mainstream, feminist comedies. After getting her start as a writer for “30 Rock,” Cannon wrote the three “Pitch Perfect” movies and directed “Blockers,” an emphatically R-rated comedy with a dirty mind and a loving heart.

In summer 2017, Cannon had just completed filming “Blockers” when her agent told her that James Corden wanted to speak with her about a “Cinderella” project. She jumped at the chance — but only because she wanted to meet the late-night talk-show host, not because she had any interest in fairy tales or princess culture. In fact, Cannon was certain that any new “Cinderella” would be a non-starter, since Disney’s 2015 live-action version, starring Lily James, had grossed more than $540 million worldwide so recently. “Nothing’s going to come out of this,” she remembers thinking.

But when Corden and his Fulwell 73 producing partner Leo Pearlman pitched her the idea of a “Cinderella” musical with contemporary songs, saying she could rewrite the fable however she liked, she immediately changed her mind. “I have no poker face,” Cannon says. “And I was like, ‘I want to do this!’”

Cannon’s “Cinderella” has a thoroughly modern message. Ella isn’t interested in marriage, wanting instead to travel the world and be a designer. Cannon also toned down the canonical cattiness of Ella’s stepfamily, and upped the story’s comedy potential. All the while, characters such as the stepmother (Idina Menzel) and the prince (Nicholas Galitzine) are singing songs like “Material Girl” and “Somebody to Love” and “Pitch Perfect”-style mashups like “Whatta Man” with “Seven Nation Army.”

At every step, her guiding principle was “How can it be different?” “I wanted people to get their money’s worth,” Cannon says, “or why do it at all?”

In an interview with Variety, Cannon talks about how COVID-19 affected “Cinderella,” her experience as a woman director and how things have changed in comedy.

The Cinderella story has been told and retold, and had just been a live-action movie when you signed on to write this. How did you want your version to be different? And is it significant here that Camila Cabello is a woman of color?

Yes, I wanted to make sure it was incredibly inclusive. And her being Cuban Mexican is no small thing, and what she represents to millions of people — not only her fans, but to millions.

The story has mostly been told and retold almost exclusively by men: I feel it when I watch. The 2015 Kenneth Branagh “Cinderella” was hugely successful, and it was beautiful. And I love the Whitney Houston, Brandi “Cinderella.” It just feels a little told from their gaze. And I really felt like it was important to me to tell it through my gaze.

Can you talk about creating the Fab G, and what you wanted from that character?

So many amazing actresses have played that role — so I’d written that role to be a man. And, quite honestly, the only one who fit all of everything I wanted was Billy Porter; I wrote it with him in mind. He’s just such a great singer. He’s just so talented. Because I wrote it specifically for Billy, the character kind of came easy. I just wrote it in his voice, and tried to make it funny. I had actually had another song in there, and then as soon as Billy was confirmed, we picked “Shining Star.”

Is the Fab G gender non-binary?

We talked about it. In having many conversations with Billy, I was like, “I think the answer needs to come from you.” He has said “they/them,” and “magic has no gender.” Non-binary for sure.

You started filming in England in February 2020. Tell me about shutting down because of COVID.

We had shot the ball the first week of March, which is something I do not believe I would have been able to do coming back — and it wasn’t a super-spreader. I’d shot all of the Fab G stuff, and all the basement stuff.

It felt like something out of “The Amazing Race” — like, pack up all your stuff! I’d been in the U.K. for like four months, and my family was there. My daughter was going to school there, and my husband was the writer on set. So we packed everything up, and then Camila and her family and my family, we flew back. My husband’s family is in Maine, and so we just stayed in Maine the entire time.

That sounds so nice, actually.

I did all of post in a boathouse in Maine. It was pretty awesome, actually.

During the break, what were you doing?

It was like getting a second prep, really. I was working with my editor, Stacey Schroeder, and we were putting together what we had. And then I was able to see what I needed and what I didn’t need. And I was doing a ton of rewriting, and I was doing a ton of prep that we didn’t necessarily have. Because I had all the opening, I had the finale, I had “Somebody to Love,” I had “Am I Wrong,” “Material Girl” — all these big numbers.

Movie theaters have reopened, and this was obviously made with a theatrical audience in mind. How did the Amazon of it all happen?

Sony is a business, first and foremost. I know that Sony loves the movie, and that partnership was really great on that level. So I think it was hard for them to give it up, but I’m really quite happy that people can see this in this safety of their own homes with loved ones. And it is a wonderful theatrical experience, especially with the music and the sound and everything. And it will open theatrically in some theaters.

It not being a wide release in theaters means that we’re not healthy yet. And so that’s what’s the most upsetting — that we’re not healthy.

As you were moving from being a performer to being a screenwriter, did you always have directing in mind, or was that something that you discovered you wanted to do?

I was led to it. When I was at “30 Rock,” by like Season 5, I really wanted to direct an episode. And I was too chickenshit to ask. I was the writer/producer who was always on set — at that point, I’d spent my 10,000 hours on set for sure. And it wasn’t until I had a meeting with Nathan Kahane at Lionsgate, and he was like, “You should be directing your own stuff.” I have such a respect for academics, and I never went to film school, so I just didn’t think I could do it. And then once he put that in my head, I was like, “Yeah, you know what? I can do it.'”

And is that how “Blockers” came about?

Exactly. Yeah, they sent me the script with an offer to direct. And with no questions asked. I didn’t have to do any kind of auditioning.

That is very rare! Obviously, things have gotten better for women directors in the past few years, after years of the most appalling statistics. What obstacles do you feel like you’ve faced as a woman director?

Especially with “Blockers,” I had a very good experience. I feel like the obstacles I have to face really are from the powers that be that still fight me at every level on what women want to watch, or think is funny. Or what is funny — forget gender.

My stuff happens to have female leads, and it’s female driven. So the jokes are coming out of women’s mouths. And I cannot tell you the amount of fighting I have about what they think is going to work, and what they think isn’t going to work. And there’s a lot of like, “I have all the expertise, you do not have the experience.”

And it’s just like, ‘I’ve been working in the comedy side for 15 years now — successfully.” And so what ends up happening is, I fight and fight and fight, and then I just do it and get it in. And then it gets put in front of an audience and the audience laughs. And then they have to say, “OK, that does work.” And you might not think that that’s that big of a deal. Maybe that’s creatively for everybody. Maybe it’s not gender specific. I tend to believe that it is gender specific.

Is that at the studio level?

From my experience, it’s mostly the studio level. And maybe I’m just sensitive to it or whatever. But I just feel like there’s a lot of conversations about what is funny out of a woman’s mouth. What’s allowed. And I feel like no matter how much success I had with “Pitch Perfect,” I think it’s still as much of a fight now as it was then. Which doesn’t make sense to me.

With “Cinderella” too?

Oh, especially with “Cinderella.”

And now we’re back on the record after going off for a bit! I rewatched the “Black Tie” episode of “30 Rock” yesterday, which you wrote with Tina Fey, in which Paul Reubens plays an afflicted prince. That was the moment in Season 1 when I realized, OK, I love “30 Rock.”

[Affects Prince Gerhardt voice] “THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY.”

That was the first thing I ever wrote! You know, professionally.

An unbelievable calling card to have as your first screen credit.

Yes! I was asked recently who is my Fab G, and my answer is Tina Fey. I wrote stuff as a friend she was reading. And I never thought that she would consider me for her staff, and she just grabbed me and was like, “You’re gonna do this!” I thank her every day for giving me that opportunity.

There are so many conversations right now about what’s acceptable in comedy. As a screenwriter who’s done mostly comedy, how do you feel about that?

Right now I think we’re in the muck, and I think we’re striving for equality. And we’re trying to work things out! Of course we should look back at things that were done 15 years ago, and be like, “Oh, no!”

I don’t know if this is a story I should tell. But I can remember getting notes to put the f-slur into “Pitch Perfect” as them being bullied like by the cool athletic guys. And I was like: “No! I can’t do that.” I think I put it in for a draft, and a friend of mine read it, and she’s like, “You cannot have that in.” And I was like, “It’s a note I was given!” I was told to do that, you know?’ And then like realizing, no, it’s unacceptable. You cannot use that word. Even if you’re trying to show that it’s awful, don’t do it.

You have to have your moral compass, and know what’s right for you. And there’s just some things we just shouldn’t tolerate anymore. And they’re just not acceptable. I’m certain if I looked back at stuff that I would cringe, you know? Or just, that’s how people thought then. And I was one of those people. But certainly now if you know better, you do better, right? Is that too soapboxy?

This interview has been edited and condensed.

#kay cannon #camila cabello #cinderella

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toujourspur13 · 5 years

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What’s so interesting about Sirius Black... apart from the obvious?

Well…I feel obliged to jump into this discussion about Sirius and his family.

I actually think that canon Sirius Black is a good example of multidimensional character with a complex personality (rare thing in hp series)…at least the way JKR wrote him implies some psychological depth (hp is mainly teen literature about friendship - the marauders friendship, the golden trio are all great examples of it - but let’s face it - this literature has a tendency to a very specific narrative - maybe that’s the reason for popular Sirius fanon - I mean…Sirius being part of the Harry’s story is seen through the lens of Harry’s problems). The thing is that usually Sirius is greatly simplified when, in fact, he’s one of the most interesting and complex character in the whole series.

OOTP is the longest hp book - it contains huge amount of text about Sirius’s family incl. RAB who’s indeed very important to the story; and it also contains excessive amount of Walburga Black content. Why excessive? Well because she is not even important to the plot…I mean, at all. Harry (and the whole 7-books journey is Harry’s POV) doesn’t even care about her. But she is important. To Sirius. To the extent that he can barely shut up about her.

And as Sirius’s important to Harry we got all those extra pages about The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

When he’s showing Harry the family tree, he keeps going back to her - she did this and she did that, she removed him, she removed Andromeda, Uncle Alphard…

I saw how he managed to squeeze her in one passage in two different contexts. She’s clearly weighing heavily on his mind. Grunted, he is very angry about everything she did - but can you really disagree that he is super fixated on her. Frankly speaking, you could’ve expected that he’d be talking so much about James (in Flitwick’s words ‘You’d have thought Black and Potter were brothers’) - but in fact he doesn’t talk a lot about James - it’s his family he seems unable to shut up about. Cross out all his rant and the book becomes significantly shorter. Sirius shows Harry all of his relatives because he wants to.

Remember Araminta Meliflua…his mother’s second cousin?! Is it of any interest to Harry - I doubt it. Harry’s more interested in the Malfoys at the tapestry - but then again Sirius pays little attention to them - and only answers the direct questions. The only one about who he truly doesn’t want to talk in that scene is Bellatrix.

Btw if I remember correctly, he’s even distantly related to the Potters…but for some reason he chose to ignore this. So let’s just say that his thoughts in that scene are clearly one-sided and family-centered.

Even in POA Sirius is mirrored to his mother (we can only understand this after reading the 5th book though) - Sirius slashes the Fat Lady portrait when she refuses him the entry to the Gryffindor Tower - Walburga burns holes in the family tree. Angry management is what they both clearly need. They are so extremely alike that I am almost sure it’s all deliberate and JKR used her as a way to show deeper levels of Sirius’s personality (and not the abusive nature of his childhood). Loud, high-strung, passionate and very emotional.

Sirius says that he ‘hated the whole lot of them’ and that’s why he ran away and instead of saying something like ‘I got so fed up with my parents lecturing me how I should avoid mudbloods at all the cost/ hate them/ whatever fits the profile of pure-blood maniac’ he says in the next sentence that he was constantly reminded that Regulus was a better son. This is a very jealous remark. It’s pretty obvious that what he wanted is unconditional love - ‘either you take me with all my extreme political views or I’m gone’. The things Sirius says are often contradictory and half-truths and sometimes he just chooses to withdraw certain information at all.

I sometimes come across the strange ideas that JKR tried to parallel Harry’s life with the Dursleys to Sirius’s childhood - I mean, do we really need to go there? You’d be better off trying to parallel him to Big D rather than to Harry. It’s fairly obvious that the odd ideas about Sirius’s abusive childhood are used for the sole purpose of helping him to bond with Remus (in terms of being subjected to physical pain) where he wouldn’t be able to relate to James (you know what popular phenomenon I mean).

Another popular idea - that the 1st year fiasco with Sirius’s Sorting was a big deal. I admit we have very little info about this BUT the fact that he put Gryffindor banners and pictures of bikini-clad Muggle girls into his room makes me think that the parents were clearly disturbed and disappointed but not to the extent that it became something crucial in their relationship. Clearly Sirius used that as a means to annoy them. To tell you the truth, I find this attempt to go against fanatical blood purists quite feeble and certainly below Sirius Black’s level - it feels more like «hey, mum, look I stick posters of barely-clothed girls on the wall in my room - let’s see what you can do about this».

Btw the interesting thing is that it somehow feels that Sirius’s relationship with his mother (unlike the ones with his father or brother) was the relationship of equals which is odd because she was older and his mother. The explanation for this can be that they were very much alike and she in fact allowed it…maybe (well here I agree that it’s vague and can be just because it’s only the portrait and not the real person but still there is something about this). And they have this you-hurt-me-now-I’ll-hurt-you-back attitude that implies equality and a certain degree of exclusivity. They both very clearly are not careful with words and actions.

And thus we’ve come to the very touchy subject - her psychotic portrait - her little ‘welcome home’ present. I grant her that - very impressive and colorful vocabulary.

She definitely wanted to be sure that in case Sirius had come home he would never have a moment free from her. Very dramatic.

“Yoooou!” she howled, her eyes popping at the sight of the man.

“Blood traitor, abomination, shame of my flesh!”

“I said — shut — UP!” roared the man, and with a stupendous effort he and Lupin managed to force the curtains closed again.

They match each other really well. (All the drama aside, if we consider this matter seriously - it’s just a portrait of hers and she was insane and alone for years after she lost everyone. But yeah - pretty nasty thing to do - I agree).

Frankly speaking, her personality isn’t really that significant in this case - it’s more important how Sirius feels about her, the way he can’t let her go. He’s relatively okay in the 4th book while on the run in the cave eating rats and arguing about Crouch, Bertha Jorkins, Karkaroff, Snape etc. But his severe depression in the OOTP clearly has everything to do that he’s locked up in ‘the house of a dying person’ (the very last one from their family) - like in the case of his mother’s true personality we’ll never know for sure what’s that about - Sirius’s real feelings are impossible to decipher - he says one thing - does another - feels maybe something completely different - for all I know, it could be about plenty of things one of which is that seeing her awful portrait, sitting in the rooms where they used to be together is a constant reminder that his family is gone and no matter what he feels and wants, he can’t fix anything about that - it’s all lost for good.

Of course, Sirius wouldn’t like to be there - a man of action trapped in his own past without any hope to ever overcome his unresolved issues with his family. The way he’s fixated on his mother is so intense that it’s almost unhealthy but I guess it’s just the visible (most explicit) tip of the iceberg.

Sirius with his hidden and repressed feelings is a great and very interesting character - he’s so much bigger than just James Potter’s best mate with a cool leather jacket. His relationships with his family is what makes him such a deep character (and not those ideas about how fluffy little angle was magically born in the family of twisted and deranged warlocks - well, it’s a little bit naive). After all it’s an internal conflict that sells the character.

Upd 2020

I think it is worth mentioning that since we’re discussing fictional world and fictional characters it only makes sence what the author implied and what the author did not. Yes, there is no absolute truth because it is all not real but the way character is written usually allows us to make certain assumtions about his or her inner world and motivation. So called ‘canonical evidence’ only matter in terms of what the author wanted to show us. I’ve never had any problems with fanon and headcanon - the only thing that bothers me is saying some things were in the main text when it is explicitly implied that there was nothing of that sort.

#araminta meliflua #sirius black #harry potter #the noble and most ancient house of black #harry potter meta #walburga black #regulus black #hp #sirius black meta #moony wormtail padfoot and prongs #the marauders #black family #hp fanart

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heyktula · 4 years

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Closer, Chapter Two: Aware - Bonus Features

(I'm sorry about the chapter titles, lolsob. They are, in fact, "Risk", "Aware", "Consensual", and "Kink", plus a surprise title for the fifth chapter.)

((Okay, fine, I'm not nearly as sorry as I should be.))

Chapter two of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... is now up! What is wordcount! (Apparently shit to me, since this chapter is three times the length of chapter one!)

Same deal as last week--technical notes first, story notes after, line notes to finish it all up. (Although I still blame Edward, a number of this week's line notes are Jopson's fault, and he's a lying liar on a number of occasions, the terrible sweetheart.)

Alright, here we go.

Technical Considerations:

Chapter Length: So, this story was intended to be much shorter than it is. Initially, the fic was a one-off. After all, it's only taking place over a weekend, how long can it be? (lolsob--sixty k, as it turns out, and that's with a significant number of hard cuts. I cringe for the future Fitzier, because the winter conference is longer than the summer one.)

Initially, I'd followed the same chapter structure I used in one of my earlier fics--one day = one chapter. Obviously, that worked fine for Friday, but didn't work for Saturday or Sunday, both of which I've split into two chapters. I still feel like the chapter length is a bit obnoxious--I prefer a 7k chapter, and chapter two is 15k, but it's the best place to make the cut, I think. I considered a cut after Edward's talk got derailed by Hickey--but that would have left Edward in a really ugly headspace for a week while everybody waited for the next chapter, and I didn't want to let him chill there knowing that Jopson is gonna make him feel better, like, immediately.

Hard Cuts: One thing I really like about the source material for The Terror is that it uses hard cuts liberally, and something about that feels like it frees me up to do the same in my own work? So I cut the things that don't matter to the story, even when they're things that I care about. (That rope suspension scene with Sophia and Gore and Dundy was real good, but Edward did not give one single shit about it, and thus, it is not on the page. Similarly, we didn't get dragged through any of the other panels, etc, that were happening throughout the day, and the one panel we actually did attend, Edward is giving by rote, without thinking about anything he's saying, because Jopson! is! there! oh! god!)

Story Considerations:

Goodsir: Like, of course Goodsir moved to Canada. I don't think it was for Silna, necessarily--and she would have been super unimpressed with that if it had been--but it wouldn't have been not for Silna either. I just think he really loved it here on his first visit, and that was it for him--he came home, he missed Canada, he went back, and he stayed. I'm sure he's in the process of getting his citizenship, and in the meantime, he's going out for hikes and taking pictures of elk and going ice-fishing and organizing kink conventions and generally just having a wonderful time living his best life, and I love that for him.

(And if he's on the receiving end of Silna's strap in increasingly regular frequency, I love that for him too.)

The Tozer-Little Experience: So, outside of the joplittle, which was my primary reason for writing the fic--I also have, like, the world's biggest soft spot for Solomon Tozer. And the dynamic that I ended up developing for Tozer and Little in this fic is a hell of a lot of fun, because it's deeply intimate, and steeped in years and years of shared experiences, but it's platonic at the same point--or, at least, what constitutes as platonic for them, which is more intimate and open than you would see for a lot of male friendships. (I'm putting a pin in the discussion of feelings as feelings relate to their friendship, but we'll come back to it in a few more chapters.) If you asked either of them to describe an ideal partner for the other person, they could both do it, and they've got all kinds of stories about each other, which Tozer shares easily and at length, and Edward keeps his goddamn mouth shut about.

That easy camaraderie between them is, I think, why the takedown panel goes so wrong so quickly. Tozer has no reason to suspect anything is different than it has been any other time, and Edward isn't admitting how much he's obsessing over Jopson, so he's also just stubbornly pretending things are fine. I don't think that Tozer had any intention of letting Edward win, no matter how good Edward thinks his chances are, because it's Tozer's panel, and goddamn it, if Sol's going to all the effort to give a talk, he's gonna try to get his dick sucked as part of the aftermath, am I right, lads?

(Conferences that I've been to are hyper-careful about bodily fluids, and for good reason--so if blood is a possibility, everything should be tarped off and proper protective gear should be used, and Edward visibly bleeding all over everything would have been a Very Bad Look. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.)

((Also, just as a side-note, can we talk about Tozer's quick transitions between "shit, fuck, Little--", "and that is a takedown!", and "do not bleed in here, don't fuck this up for me, I don't know what the fuck your dumb ass was doing"? Because I love that Tozer's first reaction is "holy FUCK are you OKAY" and then he immediately takes control of the room to finish his talk, and then leans in to threaten Nedward. As though the threat is gonna take away the part where your first reaction was being horrified that you clocked him in the face, Sol.))

The Jopson-Little Meet Cute: Okay, fine, I guess it's not really a meet cute when one of you is bleeding into a sink, and the other one of you snuck into a takedown panel late in the hopes of seeing your crush and gets the bonus experience of watching your crush totally get hit in the face. But, whatever. They'll work with it.

One of the things I love about this scene is that the balance of power is exactly the opposite of where it would normally be--Jopson is the one controlling the scene here, through service, and Edward is the one that's following Jopson's lead. Jopson is, in canon, a caretaker, primarily, and I set this scene up so that he would shine, and I think he does that effectively here. Edward is the kind of guy that gets easily rattled when things don't go the way he expects them to, and it's indicative of their compatibility that he unwinds so easily for Jopson.

Also, I appreciate the hell out of Jopson gently bullying the topic of conversation around to giving talks, so that he could just slide his own talk under the door to gauge Edward's reaction. After all, if one is a trans man, and one's crush is a transphobe, better to find out before this goes any further. Between us, Jopson was reasonably sure things would be fine--after all, as Blanky notes later, he's had his face in Edward's blog*, and I'm pretty sure Edward went through his blog a while back and edited all his posts for gender- and trans-inclusive language, and left a footnote indicating he'd done so--but it was important for Jopson to make sure everything was on the table, and Edward's meandering discussion of the requirements for giving presentations was as good an in as any.

*Jopson clearly didn't know who Edward was by name on Saturday morning, but knows by Saturday afternoon. There's any number of ways he might have found out Edward's name, but I suspect he talked to someone** who had attended the power play panel he was on with Tozer earlier that day.

**I have a candidate in mind for this, but we'll get back to it later.

The Rough Physical Play Panel: Well, when that went wrong, it went real wrong, huh?

I think one of the things I'm enjoying so much about writing a modern Terror AU is that it lets me explore Hickey in more detail, because canon!Hickey just makes me so goddamn furious (the motherfucking BOOTS, he took James' BOOTS, and then EVERYTHING ELSE, and I CAN'T) that I can't even delve into him right now without wanting to throw things. But I can dig into him here, because I have the protection of this, you know, not being canon.

One of the things I really love about Hickey is that I think, one hundred percent, that he's exactly the kind of person that pays attention to the things you're interested in, and that makes it easy to start a friendship with him. I can guarantee that he knows every single item Tozer has ever stocked in his booth, and how well each of those items sells. I also know for sure that he's read every single post on Edward's blog, and can talk intelligently about any of them. However, Hickey is also exactly the kind of "friend" that will use that information against you at the drop of a hat if it benefits him in any way--and I can guarantee that the temptation was irresistible for Hickey here, because not only is it an excuse to deliberately trigger Edward's anxiety in front of a room full of people right immediately before those people leave the room, thus guaranteeing it's the last thing on their minds--but it's an opportunity to do so in front of the guy that Edward has been interested in all weekend. From Hickey's perspective, it's for Edward's own good--any idiot can see that Jopson is way out of Edward's league, and the sooner Edward stops making an ass of himself, the better it'll be for everyone involved. (I would also argue that if any of their friend group "deserve" to have more status in the community, Hickey feels that's him, so any attempt by Edward to "rise above" by, say, associating with someone linked to Crozier, is going to be viciously stamped out.)

The miscalculation here, of course, is that Hickey has misread Jopson just the same as everyone else has misread Jopson. We'll come back to why this mistake is important next week, I think.

(It's unfortunate we didn't get the good version of the panel, with the demo, because it's very good--Edward picks a random audience member, demonstrates the consent negotiation in front of everyone, and then walks through an entire gamut of activities, the intensity of which varies depending on how the person he's chosen is enjoying it. This is the way that I had my first exposure to this type of play, and watching the talk was a goddamn delight--and there's nothing that makes someone look competent more than them just improvising an entire talk on the spot.)

Dungeon Setup: So, again, because Canada, every dungeon I've ever been in has separated the drinking section from the fun section for safety reasons. Usually they're in separate rooms, though I've been in a couple dungeons where the drinking section runs along one wall of the fun section. Because this is my fic, and I'll improve it if I want, I went full bore on this and created that second-floor lounge that's open to the dungeon below, so you can stand up there and drink and watch the dungeon from above (or you can sit up there and drink with Hickey, but yuck).

The showcase performance thing isn't something I've seen at a kink conference before--I borrowed that from burlesque conventions I've been to because I needed it for the upcoming Fitzier fic. I kinda wish Edward had paid attention, I feel like that was a really good rope suspension scene. But, he was standing too close to Jopson, and thus, nothing else mattered.

Also, is it really a dungeon if it doesn't heavily rely on Enigma's music? I don't think I've been in a dungeon once without hearing Return to Innocence or Sadeness, and at this point, if I hear either of those pieces outside of the context of a dungeon, I get really nostalgic for dungeons.

(I guess while we're talking about setup, I'll also confirm that pretty much everybody* is staying on-site here--the hotel has a bunch of space set aside for the kink conference, and as long as people booked their rooms quickly, their hotel rooms are also in the same venue, so there's no need for transport, or going outside, or anything like that. Poor Nedward can have his meltdown about collars without needing to call a cab once.)

*I know a certain repressed somebody who has opted not to stay at a hotel full of perverts, but, uh. I mean, it's a Choice, but maybe sit with yourself a second, John.

Line Notes:

“Dude,” Tozer says, swinging his duffel bag off his shoulder and booting it under the table. “I had the most repressed guy in my talk this morning, it was fucking brilliant.”

Hi, Irving.

Edward can’t quite tell what Jopson is talking about, they’re too far apart for him to be able to eavesdrop. He wishes he was over there, though. Listening.

They're talking about you, Edward. Jopson knows who you are by this point, and he is three hundred percent telling Blanky about your blog right now.

He hasn’t paid attention to the specifics, because it’s not his talk, and it doesn’t matter.

Except it does matter, Edward, because one of those times the door opened and Jopson came in.

Jopson takes another step forward, his hands down at his sides, palms facing Edward. “I saw what happened,” he says. His voice is gentle, low. Hypnotic.

I appreciate Jopson approaching Edward like Edward is a wild animal that's going to spook at any moment, because Edward is, in fact, a wild animal that's going to spook at any moment.

“One of the better quality sessions I’ve seen this weekend,” Jopson says.

Thomas Jopson, you are a lying liar. It is the first day of the convention, and this is the first instance in which you've left your booth for any significant length of time.

“—you must see there are gaps. I was thinking, maybe, there’s another conference in six months...”

I can guarantee that this is a conversation that has been had with Francis in slowly increasing levels of volume, and I can also guarantee that Francis has been very supportive of Jopson wanting to fix those gaps. I would also side-eye the length of time (none) it took Jopson to pull up his fully-completed notes for a talk that Edward notes later is ready to go, and doesn't need any alterations. (Anyone taking bets on whether or not Goodsir has seen this? Yeah, I wouldn't bet against it either.)

It’s only after Jopson’s left that Edward realizes his black handkerchief is still on the edge of the sink.

Remember that conversation we had last week about the hanky code? Good, because Edward doesn't.

“Don’t wanna have a discussion about feelings if we don’t have to,” Tozer says gruffly.

Translation: if your eyes are wet because I smoked you in the face, then we'll have that conversation, but for fuck's sake please provide me with literally any other explanation--oh, thank fuck, I forgot about your septum piercing, perfect, good, onwards.

(I'd argue that Edward's probably all up in his feelings from Jopson's talk, BUT both of them are talking around everything in this scene, so I guess we'll just let them have that.)

They’re walking down the hall, and literally anyone could walk past Edward right now—fucking James Fitzjames could walk past Edward right now—and there is no way in hell he would notice, because Jopson is right there...

James Fitzjames, "that online guy" and most recognizable kink celebrity, would be So Offended by this, and it would be good for him.

They’re walking side-by-side, Jopson just a fraction behind Edward, and Edward can’t tell if it’s on purpose.

Jopson knows how to sub--it's on purpose, Nedward.

(I should note that this isn't at all a requirement for subbing--but it's part of how Jopson, in particular, submits, and since that's how he wants to interact with Edward, that's how he's behaving now.)

—not a blog post from five years ago that he’d kept up because there’s hardly any information out there and he wanted to make sure that people were aware of the risks and safety concerns, and—

And, I mean, also because you like to do this, Edward. Let's not beat around the bush here, you're not writing entire blog posts about things you have an academic interest in for safety reasons, although it would be totally valid if you did. But you aren't. You wrote an entire post about how to safely fit your fist into someone's ass because you did a lot of research as to how to do it safely and then subsequently did it on multiple occasions.

“It’s right there on the blog post,” Jopson continues, fingers clenched on his notebook. “The exact same blog post you’re citing has the answers to the questions you’re asking, and it’s disingenuous of you to…to purposefully derail his panel and pretend that the answers aren’t right there.”

If Edward was thinking critically about any of this instead of just bluescreening, he'd realize that it's Significant that Jopson knows this without consulting his cellphone, which he hasn't needed to do here, because his hands are still on his notebook, which means that Jopson either a) sought out this post specifically, b) made it multiple years back in Edward's blog archives, or c) both AND remembers it in detail.

But, he's Edward, and he's not thinking about shit right now except possibly how nice it would be if the building just randomly caved in on top of him. Not everybody else. Just him.

Jopson’s posture relaxes slightly as he exhales. “I was wondering about aftercare,” he says. “What you would normally recommend.”

Translation: Reassure me that you know what the fuck to do with me after we've just done everything that you've been talking about, because I AM DOWN TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

“Fucking peckerhead,” Tozer says, straightening up and rolling his shoulders, his eyes flashing. “I needed him to do some goddamn work.”

Yeah, well, Hickey’s got no fucking work ethic, so I dunno what the fuck you were thinking, Tozer. Duty owed, indeed.

It’s the guy that was watching Tozer. His eyes are burning with fanaticism. “It’s not too late,” he repeats. “Your crisis is an opportunity to repair yourself.”

Irving, sweetheart, buddy. You are at a fetish convention. Nobody here is interested in repairing themselves, and neither are you or you would not be here.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jopson says. He’s still behind his booth, which is entirely too far away from Edward. “And Blanky’s due back any minute, so unless you want an interrogation over what you’re planning to do with the collar, you might want to come over to my side and look at books instead, I promise I won’t give you the third degree about anything.”

JOPSON, you are a LIAR. You fully intend to give him the third degree about everything, you just want him physically closer to you while you do it.

He’s not quite close enough to hear the conversation, but he is close enough to watch the way Jopson’s hands move in front of his body as he speaks, realizes after a moment that he’s signing. Realizes a few moments later that the words he’s saying aren’t English—and only then because it’s a different rhythm than Jopson usually speaks in, a little more halting, less fluid.

Francis' crash course in Netsilik went alright, apparently! I'm sure Jopson is disappointed in himself for not being fluent, but Silna will confirm to Francis that Jopson tried hard.

“We’re acquainted,” Jopson says carefully. Then adds, “It’s been a bit since I’ve spoken to her.”

LIAR, Jopson, you were literally in a deep conversation with her YESTERDAY. Edward, of course, does not notice this, even though he observed said conversation. (*cough*himbo*cough*)

Jopson shrugs, the motion a little self-deprecating. “That’s it. I’ll be finished then.” He sets his jaw, looks away. “I imagine we’d need to be more concerned about your availability than mine.”

Bold of you to assume that Edward "anxiety" Little actually checked his Fetlife messages and sorted out any play dates with anybody in advance.

Blanky grins at him. “That’s more like it. If you’ve got a couple minutes to wait, I’ll cut back the extra leather on the straps here for you.”

A number of people who make collars leave extra length on the straps in case it's needed. In this case, Blanky knows it won't be, so it can get trimmed back before Edward even leaves the booth. (Also, the Edward Little energy of Edward dropping a bunch of money on collars for Jopson, and then immediately freaking out and sticking them back in his hotel room?)

As an aside, considering Blanky is #teamjoplittle, I would give so much to see the content of the inevitable groupchats that are happening right now.

Phew. That's it for this week! Chapter three, Consensual, goes up next Friday! See you then! And if you have questions or anything in the meantime, you can always drop me an ask on tumblr or Curious Cat. I know I didn't cover everything, even in this long-ass entry, cuz there's a fuck of a lot of stuff going on in the foreground, much less the background. I honestly don't mind if you ask, it's totally cool. :)

See you next week!

#the terror #the terror fic #my fic #fic: closer #fic breakdown #fic: the terror kink au #joplittle

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theprodigypenguin · 5 years

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I’m gonna get sappy here for a bit, so feel free to pass this post.

All day today my coworkers were talking about Valentine’s Day and their significant others, one of them talked about how she set up cute goodies for her husband and kids, another talked about making dinner and getting her boyfriend of 4 years a valentine’s gift after work, and the third one talked about spending a cute dinner with her boyfriend. That was all super fine, it was cute, they were all so excited that I got excited listening to them. They looked so happy that I was only happy for them, but then one of my coworkers looks at me and goes “so do you have a love interest in town, someone you like?”

For background, yeah, I do. There’s a guy who works in the same building that I like. We don’t exactly work together, because we work in two separate businesses that just happen to be located in the same place (they’re like a grocery store and we’re a deli/bakery that sells stuff in the front of the store). So he’s like a work crush, but I’ve liked him for MONTHS. I even bought him something for Christmas, and was bold enough to give it to him in person instead of shoving it in his cubby and running away like I wanted to.

Clearly he appreciated it because the next day he gave me a Christmas gift too (one of two gifts I got aside from a Christmas care package I got from Weasel). It was an adorable little notebook that he bound BY HAND, the cover is real leather, and he made it THAT NIGHT. Like? Why is he so sweet? And I really like him, and sometimes I get the feeling he may like me back, but there’s so much wrong with me, emotionally and mentally, that I don’t know if I can properly understand other people’s opinions or feelings towards me.

People liking me is just... absurd to me, because it doesn’t make sense, because no one has ever liked me before, because clearly there’s something wrong with me, so what makes me at twenty-two so different from me at any other age? My romantic relationships in the past have been far and few between. I’ve had exactly one person I called my boyfriend, and I fucked that up because of how intense and fucked up my self image and insecurity was (I broke it off with him because my family made me feel insecure about the relationship). I regret it every day, because breaking up with him started a domino effect in his life, and I don’t want to explain that part further cuz it still stings. The other “relationships” I had were just as messed up, and I thought it would be less painful when I had a crush on a girl, but nah, that was even worse. I confessed to her and she went and started dating my friend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ There’s more to unpack between my crushes/relationships from the past, but I don’t think Tumblr needs to know the rest of that.

Anyway, this isn’t about all that. Romantic love is all well and good, and I like to think I’m at a place in my life where I’d be ready for something romantic, but for me platonic love comes first, and is the most important thing to me. My family has warped my and my romance has damaged me, but my friends, for the most part, have healed me and helped me grow more than anything else. I’ve gotten through my darkest moments completely alone, because my irl friends just... didn’t care, but the older I get, the more I’m learning I don’t have to do that, because even if my “friends” irl don’t give a damn about me, I like to imagine I’m starting to accept that the friends I’ve made online, notably Tumblr, do genuinely care.

Internet friends are so much more treasurable than people give them credit for, and I know in this day and age it’s hard to know if you’re getting catfished or not, but these people especially I trust with my entire life. So for this Valentine’s Day I would like to send invisible Valentine’s Day love to three Tumblr friends I’ve made over the past year or two I’ve been on this site that I appreciate more than words can describe.

@cremmisius | @weasleywood True friendship is born from a meme, which is how I found this amazing sir. Intrigued because my lack of being able to read like a normal person made me think his URL said Weasel instead of Weasley, because I’m an idiot. A meme and a fun name had us starting to talk, and now I consider him to be one of my closest online friends QwQ I just wish we lived a little closer, I swear if I loved closer to you or you lived closer to me I’d be dragging you to watch The Cursed Child with me so we could cry over it together. For now we must deal with several states separating us, but I’m going to be sending you more care packages and goodies as soon as I can. Thank you for being such an amazing friend to me, and for letting me slide into your DMs with so many depressing and angsty James headcanons because I’m a lunatic. Thank you for having such amazing OCs and for just existing in general, because my man you give me strength (and really good advice considering who I’m crushing on so thank you for helping me pick out his christmas present).

@scarshavestories I think it’s been literally a year? Since we started talking? I’ll be honest, I reached out originally for a beta reader, which I’d never had before cuz I was too much of a wuss and couldn’t handle edits. A beta would say “you spelled yes with two E’s” and I’d cry cuz I’m a baby, but I think I’m better now, probably. At first you were super intimidating, idk why, beta readers are just spooky scary to me, editors have inhuman powers, and I thought I was constantly annoying you when I messaged you because i’m just like that, but you are literally so patient and kind and sweet and I did not expect that but I appreciate you so much for putting up with me (and I know you’re gonna smack me with a newspaper or something cuz I say “put up with me” a lot and you nag me about it but you know what that’s okay that’s what friends do). Anyway! I’ve grown to really consider you a friend, and I feel so beyond lucky, because wow I do not deserve you, you’re too nice and wonderful I can’t even believe it, and I want to send you goodies in a care package too but I don’t wanna send you stuff you can’t use cuz I know you don’t like having stuff with no purpose BUT I’LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT! And one day if I ever visit the UK I hope I can meet you QwQ you are very far away, literally the other side of the world from me, am sad but still love you.

@bettercallmemalfoy I think you’re one of the first people I started talking to on Tumblr, found you through Scorbus and I think that’s very appropriate tbh. You’re not much younger than me but I consider you my smol sis and I adore you, and for the record your accent is SO CUTE I just wanted to add that. I haven’t sent out your care package yet cuz of personal stuff but it’s bad cuz I keep finding stuff I want to add to it and if I keep adding stuff it’s gonna be really heavy and then the shipping will literally kill me, but I just want to note when you get your box you are going to be so happy and I can’t wait for you to get it cuz it’s packed with all the love in the world cuz I want to spoil you cuz you deserve it. I know right now you’re probably watching TCC and I’m SO HAPPY FOR YOU cuz you deserve it so much, being able to watch the play for real, you deserve it more than most tbh (everyone deserves to see it at least once but that’s not the point). I just wanted to add you to this post and send you Valentine’s Day love so you know that someone out there adores you. Even if it’s just me, at least it’s something QwQ thank you for being my friend, and again I’m sad you’re so so far away, separated by lots of that stupid water, but we’ve been friendos for this long so maybe we can remain friendos until we can maybe meet one day.

Even if I haven’t contacted you in weeks, I think about you guys every day, when I think of true friends I think of you three, and I talk about you guys at work and to my family and talk you up and say I have pen pals/internet friends and they’re the best and I love them cuz I love you guys so much and you deserve to know. So thank you for being my friends, thank you for putting a little more light and love into my life and making me happy to have a Tumblr.

Remember to take care of yourselves, take your meds, get enough sleep, enjoy baking that cake, don’t cry too hard at TCC but if you do make sure you cry in front of James Howard (I think he’s the actor who plays Draco in the London production, right?) that way you can sneak your way into maybe getting a hug >:3

And know I love you lots and wish all the good in the world to befall you <3 <3 <3 Happy Valentine’s Day to you and to all of my followers who have decided to put up with all my mess, I love you all!

#friends #appreciation #fandom #the cursed child fandom #tcc fandom #squad #valentine's day #appreciation post #for my friendos #no one has to read this post btw\#it's just me gushing about my friends

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unadulteratedfandomtrash · 5 years

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Loki Laufeyson x Reader ~ Rest Assured [Pt.6]

[My Marvel Masterlist] [Previous Part]

Word Count: 1596

“What’s the matter,” Wanda asks from behind the black-haired god.

“I am unable to break this spell alone. Another spell-caster is required.”

“What do you mean you need someone else? Can’t you and Queen Frigga do it together?”

Clint squints at Loki with skepticism. Though Loki may have another agenda other than taking over and terrorizing innocents, the archer still treads with caution around him since Loki is the only person to successfully interpret a small portion of the jinxed door, so there is no other person who can call him out for lying. Plus, Clint is unhappy with his luck for receiving the first shift with the trickster god.

“These doors are locked with a variety of spells, but only half of them are recognizable since I was the one who taught (Y/n) the incantations. The other half is some sort of light-based magic. I have never seen anything like it, but the formations are very specific and individual depending on the spell, that much I can guess. As with most sorcery, I assume there is also some form of signature embedded within the spells that serves as the caster’s identification.”

“Well,” Pietro concludes, exhaling audibly, “looks like you need to figure it out then.”

The three Avengers lean against the wall opposite to the doors as they listen to Loki’s explanation as to why he cannot simply ‘figure it out’ as Pietro commented.

“I would venture to continue this discussion, but that would be a waste of valuable time standing around and idly chattering about subjects mere mortals such as yourselves would never understand.”

“You wanna take a stab at this, Maximoff,” Clint offers. “Maybe there’s something there you recognize.”

“There is no point in her trying, archer. (Y/n)’s knowledge in the different types of sorcery was acquired long before your existence.”

“He has a point,” the brunette points out. “Besides, I know nothing about magic. My powers are psionic-related and telepathy.”

“Ugh, fineee. I know what Cap said about three of us watching Loki at all times, but his mother is here, so you two watch him while I go gather some information.”

“Barton, why are you here and not watching Loki like you’re supposed to!”

Without any warning, a pillow comes flying across the room and hits the archer in the face with a satisfying thump, startling the man enough to trigger his reflexes, along with eliciting a shriek of panic. Quick hands reach for an arrow from the quiver on his back, only to cut his fingers along the sharpened edges of the vanes, causing Clint to drop his bow so that he now freed hand can grasp the injured digits.

“Nice. I can’t believe Fury hired you as one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s top agents.”

“And I can’t believe that I recruited such a mean person. Was the pillow really necessary?”

Shrugging while sporting a triumphant smirk, Natasha slides off the silken sheets of her bed and waltzes over to her friend to inspect the damage. Only a tiny trickle of blood escapes the minuscule tear in the archer’s flesh, so she ignores his whining to return to the comforts of the pillow-covered mattress.

“Why are you here, Barton? Steve isn’t going to be happy when he finds out you left your post.”

“If he finds out, Nat. If. And I’m here to get your opinion on something.”

“Go on.”

Soft scratching noises echo in the room as Natasha files her nails. One of her temporary partners for the trip, James Rhodes, shuffles around the room aimlessly while to two agents converse about the recent events that had taken place. A stone bust catches the colonel’s attention, but upon inching closer to inspect the sculpture, his foot accidentally kicks the gold pedestal.

“Hey, hey! Be careful,” Clint all but screams at Rhodes. “Who knows how these guys will make us pay for that if you break it!”

“Please proceed with caution. That sculpture is one of three in existence.” If not for his warning, Thor’s heavy footfalls announces his entrance as he strolls into the room. “You nearly demolished my grandfather.”

Wincing visibly, Rhodes backs away from the bust and opts to sit on a carved wooden chest that sits at the foot of his mattress instead.

“As I was saying,” Natasha clears her throat before continuing her argument, “I don’t know if Fury even knows about any activity to begin with. I mean, it’s possible for a few people possessing magical abilities to be in the S.H.I.E.L.D. database, but that would require us to physically be present to look through all the files.”

“Why must you search for masters of sorcery when my mother and brother are ones themselves?”

“Because Loki needs a very specific person to unlock that door. He said that (Y/n) learned magic from a lot of different people, so there has to be some way to contact all her teachers.”

All eyes focus on the God of Thunder as the man in question rests a hand on his chin, stroking the strands of hair on his beard while thinking over the statement. As far as Thor knows, (Y/n) had left to seek apprenticeship from over a dozen times during her lifetime, but he was never very close to the young sorceress in their youth, so his knowledge of her travels is limited to gossip and brief exchanges he heard between Frigga and Loki. If there were any tangible records of her journeys and experiences, it would be kept in journals in her chambers, which is currently the issue at hand.

“I have no knowledge of any of her instructors. (Y/n) and I were quite distant as children. It was only after her marriage to Loki that we started getting acquainted with each other, but we still remain distant to this day.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…You mean to tell mean that this (Y/n) person is Loki’s wife?! That’s why we’re here? To let Reindeer Games see his wife?”

“Yes. I thought you knew this.”

“Though the wording used during the meeting did not directly state this,” Vision states as he phases through the golden walls, ”I do believe that many of the Avengers have at least gathered that (Y/n) holds a significant importance in Loki’s life.”

“Which is why I ask you to please do whatever you can to help my brother. Though he can be quite ill-mannered, Loki does have another side. One that shows kindness. In time, he may reveal his true self around us all, but I know very well that (Y/n) brings out the best in him.”

It takes a lot of convincing from Natasha, but Clint eventually agrees to bring up the newfound information to Steve, who scolds the archer at first for leaving the twins— despite Frigga being there with them. The super soldier works with Thor to modify a new plan to accommodate the time differences before bringing in the rest of the team for briefing.

Surprisingly, Odin remains level-headed when the news reaches his ears, however, the AllFather denies the Avengers’ request to immediately return to Midgard. Instead, he suggests a much more simple plan— one that does not involve a blind search for possible magic teachers— that neither they nor his son thought about: Heimdall.

“The man you seek, he is heavily concealed by magic. His exact location is proving difficult even for me to determine.”

“How is that possible,” Thor demands.

“I may be all-seeing and all-hearing, My Prince, but there is little I can do when such powerful sorcery is involved.”

Seeing as the God of Thunder is losing his patience, Natasha steps in to speak to the gatekeeper. She words her questions carefully, trying to pull as many details as possible from his obscure answers.

“Wait,” Heimdall announces suddenly, his gold eyes widening in surprise. “I believe I just saw a glimpse of the destination you seek.”

Quickly pulling out a small pad of paper and a pen, the Russian spy hastily jots down the series of numbers and letters Heimdall reads out. The address is nowhere near complete, but it is more than enough for Natasha. With the bits of information, Natasha can simply input the partial address into a computer and let the Internet’s autocomplete do the rest of the work.

“Let’s go, Thor!”

Clint returns to his previous location before Loki’s chambers bearing news for the Maximoff twins, Frigga, and Loki to hear. He wants to withhold the information from the God of Mischief, but the possible consequences outweigh the satisfaction of witnessing Loki’s unrelenting frustration over a hexed door.

“Alright, listen up, kids, ‘cuz I’m not saying this again.” Glancing over at the Asgardian queen with a moment of realization, the archer apologizes for his wording before continuing with his announcement. “Natasha and Thor are leaving to make a quick visit on Earth, so because of that, Stark’s group will be the one to take over after our shift. If they’re not back by the time Stark’s shift ends, we’ll have to come back and fill in until then. Cap will take an extra shift if Nat and Thor are still gone by the morning. I don’t like this anymore than you do, but hopefully everything runs quickly and smoothly. Any questions?”

“And where exactly are they going,” Loki inquires wryly, his tolerance for his current group of guards diminishing by the minute.

“177A Bleecker Street, New York City, New York.”

[Next Part]

Tag List

@wecantgiggleitsafandom @tarynkauai @drstrangefictions @laxarnas

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cassercole · 5 years

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12/12

I was tagged by the @mystic-scripture @ofbadchoices @foxesandmagic and @iceandwaterfairytail!

Rules: Answer 12 questions from the point of view of one of your OCs, ask 12 questions, tag 12 people. (I’ll be answering as Dawson, Q, Molly and Kitty!)

DAWSON:

1. What is your Favorite Book?:

I haven’t read a book since the third grade.

2. Are you more of a talker or a listener?:

Depends on who you ask

3. What five movies best describe your personality?:

Die Hard is the only movie that matters.

4. What do you look for in a Significant Other?:

Someone’s who not a fucking idiot. So options are limited.

5. Who in your life (outside of family) inspires you?:

Oh Jesus Christ...

6. What is your Biggest Pet Peeve?:

People asking stupid questions..........

7. Do you agree with your JK Rowling sorting, or do you feel like you belong in a different one?:

Ugh, did Q put you up to this?? One time she made me take one of those stupid quizzes and it said I was a Slytherin?? I don’t even know what that means but Q didn’t like it very much.

8. Marvel or DC and why?:

What the fuck is Marvel?

9. What is your go to take out order when you’re home alone?

Pizza. Hot wings. Beer. Sometimes cheese fries...

10. Do you like the transitional Seasons (Spring/ Fall) or the Full-Blown Seasons (Summer/ Winter)?

Anything but winter. Fuck that season, man.

11. What is one thing you try to hide about yourself in a first impression?:

Literally why do you need to know

12. Where do you feel the most at home/safest to be yourself?

At my terminal.

1. What would be your perfect afternoon?

Laying on the couch, no pants, no bra, with that morning’s newspaper open to the crossword puzzle (it’s an easy one), Steve making his infamous club sandwiches, the record player playing one of our favorite records. And it’s sunny, but not too bright.

2. What’s your favorite music genre?:

Living with Steve has made it so I listen to a little bit of everything (the guy’s missed out on waaaaay too much) but whenever I’m alone, I always turn on some classic alternative rock from the nineties.

3. If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be and why?:

Stupid. Not like intelligence-wise, but just generally.

4. What is your favorite foreign food? (Foreign to the country you were born)

Oh I’m a big fan pirogies. Ate a lot of those while we were in the Ukraine. Fucking love those potato stuffed pillows of heaven.

5. Would you want to become famous? Why? If so, what would you like to be known for?:

Hell no. I’m already famous enough for helping take down SHIELD, becoming an enemy of the state after saving Bucky, and being related to the Winter Soldier. I’m good, thanks.

6. Do you think legacies are important?

Yes and no. I think it’s important to understand where you came from and who they were. But I don’t think it matters once you begin to figure yourself out. You’re your own person.

7. Would you ever adopt?

I wish I could say yes without pause. Cause what with Steve and his super soldier-ness, we aren’t even sure he can have kids. So clearly adoption would be our best option, but like...I have my concerns.

8. What is your favorite “unusual” animal? As in, an animal that people don’t talk about often:

PEOPLE NEED TO TALK MORE ABOUT JELLYFISH, OKAY?!

9. Do you enjoy museums? If so, what type of museums?

Love museums. Could spend hours in them. I’ve spent enough time in the Smithsonian with Steve that I know it back to front. I’d love to explore more modern art type museums, but history museums are the most interesting to me. All those people that lived before us and had such a cultural impact on us and our present (and our future!) It’s amazing to think about.

10. What would you say was the moment that defines who you are today?

Fury taking me out of jail and putting me into the SHIELD Academy.

11. What is your favorite drink and why?

Coke. God, it’s like water. Just the sweetness and fizziness....blessed be whoever created it.

12. What is your favorite kind of weather?:

Love cold weather. So much easier to cancel plans and have excuses not to do anything.

MOLLY:

1. What would be your perfect afternoon?

Not being bothered by Peter about stupid Spider-Man stuff, or just hanging out with him as Peter, watching Gossip Girl and eating a reuben from the diner in town while laying on the couch after smoking a bit of Frankie’s stash. Also my parents aren’t home.

2. What’s your favourite music genre?

I found a bunch of old mix tapes in my sister’s room so whatever sort of music is on there. It’s mostly rock-ish but nothing too terrible.

3. If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be and why?

Under-appreciated. Technically it’s still one word cause it’s hyphened. And only because Peter never seems to appreciate all the shit I do for him! It’s not fair.

4. What is your favourite foreign food? (Foreign to the country you were born):

I like the ramen bowls we sometimes get on Friday nights. It’s a build your own type of place called Ramen Hood which amuses me.

5. Would you want to become famous? Why? If so, what would you like to be known for?:

I’d love to be a superhero like Peter. I think I’d do a pretty good job. I know a lot about it after all.

6. Do you think legacies are important?:

Yeah, I guess. I don’t know, never really thought about it. Or thought that I even had a legacy to deal with or whatever. Not until my sister went through all my Nana Becks stuff...

7. Would you ever adopt?:

I can barely take care of Peter. How am I supposed to take care of another human?

8. What is your favourite “unusual” animal? As in, an animal that people don’t talk about often

The peacock spider. It’s a jumping spider that lives in Australia. I discovered them during my research on Peter’s spider-bite. They have a cool color scheme.

9. Do you enjoy museums? If so, what type of museums?

Not really. I mean, I’ll go, but they’re kinda boring. I like the interactive stuff that a couple museums have though.

10. What would you say was the moment that defines who you are today?

I guess when Peter got bit by that spider?

11. What is your favourite drink and why?

I really like the brand of lemonade they serve in the cafeteria. It’s not too sweet, but not too bitter either.

12. What is your favourite kind of weather?

A sunny day that has some wind to it. That way it’s not so hot out and it’s bearable when I have to stay outside for a bit.

KITTY:

1. When is the moment that you are the most happiest?

Oh, as soon as James walks through the door after work. Or whenever the phone rings with his call.

2. Do you have any guilty pleasures?

I am known to take an extra slice of cake, if no one is looking. And if no one is home, I like to take all my makeup off, but that’s doesn’t happen as often now since James caught me barefaced once.

3. What do you look in a partner?:

Someone kind and smart, who has a good heart. Of course, good looking and brave, and it would be nice if he came from money but that’s not that big of a deal as long as we’re happy. As long as he makes me happy. James makes me happy.

4. What is your relationship with your family?:

As normal as anyone’s relationship with their family, I guess!

5. When did you make your first friend?:

I met Astrid when we were in the first grade. She sat down next to me and promptly declared we were going to be friends. And we still are!

6. Where you ever betrayed by someone you loved? Did you betray someone you loved?:

No, I don’t believe that’s ever happened to me. I would hate for it to happen to anyone!

7. Are you a leader or a follower?:

Well, I’m not sure. No one’s ever really asked me that before.

8. Do you have someone that you can talk your problems?:

Of course! My best friend, Astrid and I talk all the time. About everything.

9. What do you like to do in your free time?:

Oh I love to read. And cross stitch. And bake! And go shopping of course.

10. Do you lie often?:

Never!

11. Have you ever manipulated anyone?:

Of course not! Why would I ever do such a thing!?

12. Would die for your friends?:

That’s a little dramatic!

#answeredmemes #dawson #q proctor #molly proctor #kitty franklin #not tagging anyone cause every1s done it lol

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promiseimnotacop · 6 years

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let's go about this a different way: pick your fave ten questions from the trans journey ask game and answer them!

bold of you to assume I’ve ever managed to make a decision in my life. also warning this gonna be looooooong

from this ask game

1. How did you choose your name?

so I’ve always been interested in names and a couple years before i ever came out to anyone I asked my mum casually if there were any other names she’d considered giving me. She said that Finn or Finnbar were up there had I “”been born a boy”” and so I latched on to that. It worked pretty well for me because I wanted something that felt like an equivalent exchange for my birthname and that I didn’t associate strongly with a particular individual and I’d never had a Finn in my year at school so that was all hunky dory. Took me a while longer to figure out middle names (because my birthname has two middle names and it’s sort of a tradition on my dad’s side so I wanted to have those).

There was a hot minute when I considered calling myself “Hugo Finn” which I’m so glad I didn’t, not that it is objectively a bad name, but because my reasoning was erm....bad. It was at a time when I had a lot of internalised self hatred/disgust and the name Hugo I first came across and associated heavily with the morally ambiguous “freak” from ASOUE. At the time I thought using a name I associated so heavily with the word freak was a way of subverting negative feelings but tbh it wasn’t. I’m so glad I didn’t tether myself that negativity.

Also fun fact, my birthname is Shakespearean protagonist who spends most of the play dressed as a boy so again for a hot second I considered using the name she does, Fidele, but I wasn’t about having a super conspicuously uncommon name.

For middle names in the end I went for James Lee (though nothing is legal or set in stone feedback and opinions are welcome lol). Lee came first, after the river in my village that I have a lot of postive memories associated with, outside of all the gender bullshit. The problem then became that the name “Finn Lee” would sound like/get mistaken for “Finley” and “Finnbar Lee” would sound like “Finn Barley” which would be eccentric and confusing. So it needed a buffer. In the end I went for James, partly because the first middle name of my given name is a saint, but mostly because James can be Jim and that allows for some of my childhood nicknames (im jim jam, imbo jimbo) to sort of still apply. that was a long answer to a short question lol but I spent a lot of time thinking about this because for some reason I felt like I couldn’t come out until I’d already settled on a full name.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

I don’t think they’re separable. I have dysphoria about my body but it is because of societal perceptions of my body

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

depends on how savvy that person is to trans jargon honestly. The best, if clunky, label I’ve found for my gender is “transmasculine non-binary” which is two different quite broad umbrella terms lol. I like the looseness of it. For me personally, it means that the framework of masculinity and maleness is not an exact fit and does not cover some of the complexities of my gender but, in my daily interactions it is a close enough approximation and I do desire to pursue parts of what might be considered a “trans masculine” medical transition. For the most part masculine coded language (including he/him pronouns) is what suits me the best, with only a few particular exceptions. So, for most of the world I am functionally “a man” (even though that is one of the few bits of masculine coded language I don’t gel with), or maybe “a gender non-conforming man” and I am not gonna split hairs about that if we aren’t close.

But if we’re seriously getting into a chat about gender there’s a lot more to be said. If drawing a diagram of my gender I would say I’m about 55% male, 30% “other”/third gender/maverique/genderqueer/whatever you want to call a gender identity autonomous and seperate from male or female, and 15% nothing/void. And all of that is subject to fluctuate a bit and which parts I might connect with most can be slightly contextual. I am more “a man” than anything else but also pretending to be a binary man is cutting out a significant part.

12. Do you pass?

Let’s unpack the most Problematique question lol. Just kidding. It is important to acknowledge how “passing” or not effects daily safety/experiences but....god can we not use that word? Can that not be the agreed upon term? The implication that you are otherwise “failing”? The way in which it is incredibly difficult to apply to no-binary people? The way it does not acknowledge the nuances and the way that being read as a certain gender can be conditional?

I prefer to use the terms “read as” because it allows for more nuanced discussion, does not have moralistic implications, puts the onus on the people viewing - not the individual being viewed and is kinda intuitive to understand.

To answer the question though? For the most part (like maybe 80% of the time) I am read as male. By no means always, and it is conditional on me following a certain level of gender conformity, but for the most part I interact with the world being addressed as a guy. As someone who is very much pre-t it seems that this alone subverts the standard “trans narrative”. Hell I was mostly read as male for a while before I ever came out. I’ve been corrected and laughed at in the women’s bathrooms. I’ve been harassed for gender nonconformity not in spite of but because I was wearing “girl’s” uniform. I have had fellow trans people assume I was a cis man (on more than one occasion) even when I introduced myself by my very much feminine birthname. I have little kids point blank refuse to believe I am “a girl”. I have had strangers confront and correct my mum for addressing me with she/her pronouns (before I was out). I have had kids yell the T slur at me (before I had begun to learn the invisible rules - which to be totally clear are bullshit -that need to be followed in order to be more consistently and unerringly read as male). I’ve been read as male occasionally in contexts where it was impossible for me to be out (near strangers on holiday whilst using birthname, new teachers and students at a school i’d been at since I was 11 and worn “girl’s uniform” until 16, etc).

It’s by no means always though. Which makes the times I don’t difficult and awkward. The technician on my course refers to me with feminine language but none of my tutors. The other day I tried out wearing eye shadow to class and I guy I bumped into later said that he hadn’t recognised me because it made me look like a girl (cringe). etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

haha i don’t go. I literally haven’t been to the men’s bathroom (apart from once on holiday) but also i get harassed in the women’s/get directed towards the men’s so.....here’s to hoping I don’t get a UTI lads. Literally been in a public loos once since June (not including holiday abroad) and then i nipped into the disabled one during shark week.

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

so at the beginning of uni I sort of tried to go stealth to see if I could/if it was comfortable (and by go stealth I mostly mean I just didn’t openly talk about my trans-ness for a while). I didn’t wanna be known as ‘the trans one’ and so i didn’t want to introduce myself with that fact. It fucking sucked would not recommend 0/10. It’s incredibly lonely-making to try and filter your experiences and to not be able to discuss certain issues with anyone irl.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I used to do this thing when I was feeling particularly dysphoric/hopeless where I would draw myself now, and myself in 5 years time. Help construct something to look forward to, and work out what I would sincerely like to wear/express but don’t due to dysphoria. For me I really want to get to a place where I am comfortable in androgyny. I want to grow my hair out without sacrificing being read as male. I want to wear long skirts and crop tops whilst still being read and understood as a guy. I’ve done a lot of self reflection and I don’t think I can get to the place of being comfortable until I have had top surgery and I might also require T (though top surgery is really the necessity for my day to day life). Fingers crossed that will be possible and slightly healed within 5 years but given the NHS it really is not certain.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

T4T is self care. Jk. Honestly probably but that’s not to say a cis person couldn’t be my ideal partner? like at any rate it’s fucking necessary that my partner fully understands/perceives me to not be a woman. They could just be cis and no. 1 ally but in all likeliness they’re probably gonna be trans (particularly given the number trans and/or nb cuties out there)

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I’m not managing. Send help.

seriously every week I have a break down about how long NHS wait times are.

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I’m an art student in Brighton. Yes.

(Also my sibling Sumner is an NB lesbian, and my childhood best friend Hunter is NB).

Literally going to be one cis person in my house of six next year.

#rockintwink

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aroacehogwarts · 6 years

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could hufflepuff mod write about demiromantic pansexual trans boy lily and biromantic demisexual trans girl james raising harry together? (i'm not sure what james and lily would change their names to, but i think jamie would work for james!)

I’m glad people (or maybe just one of you =p ) are enjoying these types of stories!

(Trans people aren’t required to change their names, and if they do, it doesn’t have to be close to their deadname. I know that makes things easier in fandom so we know who is who but for the sake of representing this, I chose the name Noah for Lily, who I feel would like the softer qualities of both names, though in Rowling-verse, it’s pretty likely she would choose some sort of floral-inspired name for her middle name, like maybe Ash, Basil, Sage, or Rowan.)

Noah thought it all a little flowery and dramatic, but he truly did love Jamie, and what was wrong with indulging your significant other every now and then? With a flick of his wand, he finished conjuring the last of the flowers to decorate the Potter’s backyard. With a deep breath, he brushed his suit off, felt in the pocket to ensure the ring was there, and situated himself in the middle of the arrangement he’d conjured. In just a few minutes, Sirius, Remus, and Peter would all return to the Potter’s House, where Euphemia would insist on inviting them all in for some tea. Jamie would protest that they’d just gone out for food, but Peter would claim he was still hungry and Remus would shrug like ‘who can argue with your mum?’, then Sirius would drag them all in and flash Jamie a grin. Because the two were so close, the grin would give Jamie her first flutters that something was up. When Euphemia said it was such a nice night that they should gather in the backyard for tea, Jamie would know before she stepped outside what -

Noah smiled at his beloved. He was certain his hands were shaking.

Jamie shook her head and tried to back inside, but an excitable Sirius gave her a rough push towards Jamie. “N-now?” she asked, stumbling towards Noah.

Noah knelt to one knee, presenting the ring to Jaime. He did his best to block out Euphemia, Fleamont, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Marlene, and Alice (the last two of which had been hiding inside in waiting), gathered and grinning back near the house.

“You know better than anyone how rough a start we had, Jamie,” he started, the words tumbling out too low and fast to hide just how nervous he was, “but you should also know better than anyone else what we’ve been through and just how much I love you. I don’t know how long it will be, but I want to spend every last second of our life together. Will you marry me? Potter?”

And then, as if she’d been stuck in slow motion, Jamie rushed the rest of the way to him, bending to pull him up and kiss him, deeply, desperately. “Yeah, of course, No’! Dammit, put that ring on me now.”

Noah laughed as he slid the ring on Jamie’s finger as their friends and family came out to hug and celebrate with them.

Jamie had thought she was the only trans person at Hogwarts. What a silly thought that had been. In fifth year, everything began changing, and that’s when she bit the jinx and came out and moved into a dorm that seemed oddly lonely compared to where she’d slept her first few years.

In the week that followed her coming out (which was in true, spectacular Marauder’s style thanks to her amazing friends), Professor Flitwick gave her five points for good spellwork when she was distracted and goofing off in class, Professor McGonagall asked her to come to her office and treated her to some biscuits, no less than 17 students (spanning all four Houses, no less) thanked her or high fived her for “you know what you did”, and the student he’d been voraciously pursuing since first year offered his (hers at the time) hand and said “things have been quieting down between us for a while now. What do you say to officially starting offer?” It wasn’t until a year later that Noah came out and switched dorms, but that moment had meant everything to Jamie.

“That’s actually called asexuality,” Remus nonchalantly remarked, taking his third homemade chocolate chip cookie of the night.

“Hm?” Jamie distractedly asked, Noah’s legs in her lap as she played with his hair, simply adoring his new haircut.

“What you just described. Well, technically, asexual spectrum - and more specifically, demisexuality. You know. You only romanticaly liking Noah until long after you two became friends and started dating.”

“Wait, what?” Noah said, slapping Jamie’s hands away. He looked very intensely at Remus and Jamie took that as a sign to pay attention.

Remus sighed. “Was that a please-repeat-what-you-said-for-a-third-time-what?”

An annoyed look crossed Noah’s face and he pushed hard down on Jamie’s shoulder in order to stand. The movement was awkward thanks to the eight month old baby growing inside of him. “Remus,” he started, Jamie quickly shifting to help push her husband up to standing all the way, “I am super pregnant, which is making me incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve been holding what is probably my 50th pee of the day for the past half hour, trying to block out your loud-as-Merlin’s-balls-slapping-together cookie crunching, and my ankles are just throbbing. I am also getting more and more dysphoric by the day, so much so that I’m not sure how I’m going to survive another month of this, no matter how much I want this little one, and I was having what was the most intimate time with my partner since this pregnancy began and you and the other’s refused to let us have any time alone. So yeah, when I ask you to actually explain what you’ve barely hinted at twice, I am really asking you to explain.”

Jamie ducked her face below the couch to try and smother out the giggles. She actually heard Moony’s gulp as he set down the cookie and tried to placate Noah with a surrendering hand gesture. Face smoothed over, Jamie peeked up over the couch.

And that’s when Remus gave them a thorough and informative explanation on asexuality and the asexual spectrum. Noah finally took a break to pee, and when he returned, Remus finished by talking about aromanticism. Then, seemingly for good measure, offered to talk about other identities, such polysexual, polyromantic, and nonbinary identities.

Jamie thought that Remus could have shared this information with them much sooner. She immediately pegged herself as demisexual, finally clicking into place what her sexuality was. Not just bisexual but bi and demisexual. For once, she did her thinking quietly, as Noah murmured. “Demiromantic. Oooooh.”

“Hey!” Jamie said. “Does that make us demi buddies?”

Noah rolled his eyes, but laughed. “Demi multisexual buddies,” he smiled. Noah was pansexual. Seems like Remus’ lecture had done the best job of distracting Noah from his dysphoria yet, as her husband looked more comfortable - if he could be called comfortable at this point - than he had in months.

“Hey, how long’ve you been sitting on all that, Moony?” Noah had been the one to teach them (well, Remus, who had then shared it with the rest of the Marauders) about things like gay and bi and pan (Remus was bi while Sirius was gay, they’d eventually realized), so it was interesting now for Remus to be on the sharing side and Noah the learning side.

“Erm… a couple years now. A while after Noah helped me realize I was bi, I got curious. Were these muggle-only terms? Did we have our own terms that had been created? Were there other possibilities, other identities? How common have these been throughout history? So I started doing some research.”

Noah, who was closer to Remus than Jamie, swatted at him. “And you never shared? Rude,” he teased, though he was clearly exasperated.

“Sorry.” Remus lifted his hand to his neck and rubbed at it. “Things, ah, happened… between us. And it… didn’t seem important after that.”

Oh, Jamie realized. Sirius using Remus and almost getting Severus killed. Yeah. That… had been a terrible year. Things still hadn’t exactly returned to normal, even now.

“You talking earlier. For some reason, it just made that pop back in my head.”

“Harry,” Noah said, smiling down at his precious new baby, finally revealing his name choice to Jamie. They’d both decided to just pick their favorite names and decide which order they should go in after the baby was born. They didn’t do anything like pick a name for either a boy or girl. They just picked their favorites. Harry: a new name for a new member of their family.

Jamie squeezed his shoulder and looked down upon her child, unable to stop grinning. “James,” she revealed.

Noah looked up at her, then smiled. A name of their past, which also served as a nod to Jamie’s parents. Both had semi-recently lost their parents (Noah’s hadn’t even seen their wedding), though Jamie more recently so and having a lot of trouble moving forward from it.

“Harry James,” Noah whispered.

“James Harry?” Jamie said, but she already knew.

“Harry James,” the new parents said in unison. Harry blinked. Their hearts absolutely melted in cuteness.

“Harry, please, go to sleep,” Jamie begged, rocking the babe for what seemed like hours now.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had been rallying hard recently, especially against their little family and the poor Longbottom’s, now with a beautiful baby of their own. Just a couple weeks ago, Dumbledore himself had come to Jamie and Noah and insisted they and Harry were in grave danger and needed to hide. With Dumbledore and Sirius both pushing hard for them to hide and the desire to protect Harry overriding everything else, they’d agreed.

Harry was seemingly less than happy at the arrangement. Or maybe Jamie was projecting.

She loved Noah with all her heart, and she didn’t even understand how her heart beat before Harry had been born, but being locked up inside their house without any of their friends and no news of the outside world was wearing on all of them.

Harry was cradled against Noah’s chest. For once, he was silent, as silent as the tears that rolled down Noah’s face. Jamie herself felt numb. She could be crying. She honestly didn’t know.

Moony looked like shit. Between even more scars thanks to Dumbledore’s work for him and the lack of sleep he’d gotten seemingly singlehandedly trying to organize Sirius’ trail, he was a complete wreck. Jamie’d never seen him look so bad, not even right after a full moon.

“Peter… Wormtail - he… betrayed us?” So much had happened so quickly. How could it have all gone down like this?

“Sirius put things together, realized Peter was going to betray you. Went after them. There was a big duel. Aurors are saying he’s dead, but… you know. Unregistered animagus. Sirius thinks - and I agree - that he’s in the wind.” Aurors had arrested him and tried sending him to jail as a Death Eater, but Remus and Dumbledore had apparently rallied hard last night, immediately after he was arrested, and at least managed to secure him a trial. Jamie hated to think what would have happened if He-Who-Had-Must-Not-Be-Named had gone after them instead of the Longbottom’s. Not just because that would mean their child had been murdered but because then Sirius would be the only one with the knowledge that Peter was the secret-keeper and he’d have no chance even with a trial. As it was, it was only thanks to Remus’ ingenious thought of letting them all communicate through objects charmed with the protean charm in case anything had gone bad that Jamie had known it was time to come out of hiding.

“Alice and Frank?” Noah’s voice cracked. Jamie had known Alice and talked with Frank a few times, but Alice and Noah had been really close, especially after what had happened with Severus.

Moony looked down and shook his head. “Dead,” he said, voice raspy and thin. “Killed protecting Neville.”

Noah shook his head and bent over Harry, kissing the top of his skull and dripping tears on his head.

“Neville?” Jamie asked. Remus had been slowly taking them through everything they’d missed since they’d gone in hiding. Jamie was exhausted and heartbroken. She didn’t want to ask but had to know.

“Scarred. But alive, somehow. I think Dumbledore said something about ancient magicks, but… I wasn’t really listening past Neville surviving and… and defeating Him.”

Jamie shook his head. Neville’s life as a miracle but a miracle she didn’t understand.

“Who-” Noah looked up again, “is he going to?” Jamie understood in that instant that Noah would volunteer them to adopt Neville if their family situation was like hers and Noah’s. And Jamie would absolutely go along with it.

“Grandmother, I believe.” Remus rubbed at his eyes and stifled a yawn.

“Here,” Jamie got up on instinct, her mother’s blood running through her veins. “When was the last time you slept? Borrow our bed. Trust me, we understand exhaustion. Get some sleep.”

Remus looked at Noah for confirmation, but he was done. He held Harry close and stared at the table. Jamie gently led her friend to bed. She had so many more questions, but then, didn’t they all?

“NOAH, NOOOAAAH!” Jamie screamed, too excited to control her volume, even though she knew it could scare Harry.

“What!?” Noah rushed into their living room, and Jamie felt bad for scaring him.

She danced, jumping from foot to foot, and pointed at Harry. “He’s walking; he’s walking!”

Indeed, on chubby legs, little Harry had pulled himself up on his legs and was toddling his fourth step towards his mum.

The worry immediately melted away from Noah’s face as he gracefully sank to his knees and held his arms out. Not to specifically reach for Harry, though that’s what it looked like. Feeling as though she was positively glowing, Jamie followed suit, bending down to the floor and holding her arms art. “That’s right, my little fawn, come to mommy!”

Giggles burst forth out of Harry as he sped up and fell into Jamie’s arms. Jamie laughed and picked him up, holding up towards the ceiling. “That was amazing, little fawn!”

Noah’s one arm snaked around Jamie’s waist as the other reached up to grab at Harry’s hand. He clutched Noah’s hand back, happily kicking his legs, glad to have made his parents happy.

“Sirius is going to kick himself for missing this!”

Noah kissed her cheek. “I bet winning that money from you and Remus will help him get over it, though.”

Jamie lowered Harry to her chest. “What?” she sputtered. “I don’t-”

Noah laughed and leaned towards Harry to kiss him on the cheek too. Harry clapped. “You think I don’t know when you bet on our son with your friends.” Noah shook his head and lightly slapped Jamie on the butt. “You should know me better than that by now, dear.”

Jamie laughed, relaxing. She kissed Harry’s forehead and was rewarded with more giggling and clapping. “Let’s see how far you can walk,” she said proudly, gently placing Harry back on the ground.

Noah returned to the other side of the room, lighting up. “Yes, that’s right. Can you walk all the way over here, Harry?”

Merlin, oh Merlin, it looked bad! “C’mere, Harry,” Noah said, heart pounding furiously. “Let me see.” His five year old son sobbed, big ol’ gator tears that, for once, Noah was frightened by. “Just let me see it, okay?”

“Ow, ow, oooow,” Harry cried, not lifting his hands from his knee, though even through the hands, Noah could see the blood.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Jamie said, coming to a rest behind Harry instead of hovering over Noah. “Oh, I’m so sorry, just let dad have a look, okay.”

“Noo, hurts!” Harry hiccuped.

“Here,” Noah said. “Breathe with me, Harry. Look, breathe in… Okay, out. When you breathe out, take your hands off, okay? It’ll help it not hurt.”

Jamie combed her fingers through her kid’s thick, wild hair, as wild as her own. “And when you let go, you can hold my hand and squeeze it as hard as you want, okay?”

Harry nodded, already sniffling.

“Breathe in… Ready? And out…” Noah gently lifted Harry’s hands from his knee. Jamie reached in, taking Harry’s small hands in her own. He immediately started squeezing tight, sucking in a breath of air through a wavering lip. Jamie kissed the top of his head.

Noah’s eyes crinkled and tightened. Nearly immediately after, Harry’s grip relaxed and he dropped Jamie’s hand to pull at his knee, eyes wide in amazement. Noah’s expression relaxed. “See, all better, right?”

“Mommy!” Harry said, already forgetting he was supposed to be appearing pathetic. With another wordless spell, Noah cleaned their son up, taking the blood of his - and Jamie’s - hands as well. After another moment’s inspection, Harry grew bored and stood up by putting his hands on the ground, sticking his butt in the air, and then straightening up. Jamie laughed.

Harry ran back to the toy broom he’d fallen off of only moments later. The floating spell had deactivated as soon as Harry had rolled off, and it started up again as Harry put his hand over it and the broom jumped into his hand. “Again, again! I wanna ride more!” He bounced on his feet, looking expectantly at Noah and Jamie, trying to decide who’d be most likely to let him back on the broom.

Noah shook his head but didn’t dissent. With a whoop, Jamie leaped up and went to help Harry back on the broom, though she did flick the hover down lower so if Harry fell again, it wouldn’t be from so high. When it was clear Harry had his balance back, Jamie went to stand by Noah. She gave her a friendly elbow. “Did you see that? He’s a natural,” she grinned.

“You mean he doesn’t know when to quit,” Noah deadpanned, but Jamie knew she wasn’t angry.

Of course they’d brought Harry to Diagon Alley before, but there was something special about bringing your kid to Diagon Alley to go shopping for their first year of school.

They’d gotten Harry’s robes, books, and wand (holly with dragon core, slightly springy). They’d run into Hagrid at Madam Malkin’s and had a friendly reunion, introducing Harry to the groundskeeper. The two had immediately hit it off. Hagrid, unfortunately, couldn’t spend much time chatting, as he’d gotten Dumbledore to convince Augusta Longbottom to let him pick up Neville’s supplies. Apparently Augusta didn’t let the boy out much in order to avoid all the attention he would draw. Hagrid promised Harry they’d see each other again soon, though, and hustled off to his next stop.

The three of them were currently at Eeylops Owl Emporium waiting for Harry to pick out an owl before they finished up by celebrating at Florean’s, where Remus and Sirius were waiting for them. Usually so decisive and quick to form an opinion, this was the longest either Noah or Jamie could remember him putting hard thought into something. (Then again, he was 11, so that was allowed.) They’d started at Magical Menagerie, where Harry had spent most his time eyeing the various snakes. When they’d realized Harry was likely to go for one of them instead of an owl, as they’d intended, they’d gently pushed him towards Eeylops, saying they should be sure to get a good look around everywhere they could.

Harry had lingered for a while over a large, snowy owl, who’d hooted softly and nipped at him. He’d also spent some time with a young burrowing owl who seemed playful, almost playing a game of hide-and-seek with Harry, who’d laughed and poked a finger in the cage and had to be reminded that wasn’t okay here.

“He’s taking this rather seriously, isn’t he?” the amused clerk commented.

Noah grinned, and Jamie nodded, happy to make some smalltalk as she continued to watch Harry. So far, nothing seemed to have piqued his interest as much as the snakes. Jamie whispered as such to the clerk, trying not to be overheard by Harry who, she and Noah hoped might forget if he stared at the owls for long enough. The clerk coughed to cover up their laughter, then addressed Harry.

“You know, Harry, it can help to talk to them. Just introduce yourself. See which of them speak to you.”

In true, confident 11-year-old fashion, Harry waved her off with a hand. “Owls don’t talk like us.”

Noah pinched the top of his nose with his fingers. The clerk simply smiled. “No, they can’t speak to us like humans speak to each other. But if you take good care of your pet, it can become your familiar. That means forming a bond with it. Your familiar can understand you when no one else does, and you may find that you understand your familiar more than just as a pet. To be able to do that, though, you need to know that you can have good communication. If you say hi to one of these owls, and you don’t feel like it’s listening, then it may not be the pet or familiar for you. But if you feel like it could understand you, that’s a good sign.” The clerk’s eye twinkled.

Harry stared at the clerk, head tilted to the side, deep in thought. He looked over at Jamie, who nodded and smiled encouragingly. Finally, he looked at Noah, who had that serious look on his face that Harry knew meant something was somehow important to his dad. That broke it. Harry smiled and started babbling away to the owls.

“Hi, owl! Hi, owl! Hi, owl!” he went around waving at several owls. “We have a cat, you know. Dad says owls and cats don’t always get along together. Do any of you feel brave enough to face our cat? I want someone who will be friends with my cat, can you do that?” Harry wandered through the cages, taking the clerk’s words to heart.

Noah looked over at the clerk, raising an eyebrow in question. The clerk winked. “Just wait,” she said. “Any minute now.”

When they looked back, Harry was standing in front of the cage of a gorgeous barred owl without a nameplate. “This one!” he said brightly, turning to them all. Jamie was sure her grin matched the one on Noah’s face. No snake for them today. That was good. To be honest, Jamie was the tiniest bit frightened of snakes. She was pretty sure Noah’s worries were more along the lines of feeding the thing, since snakes weren’t allowed at Hogwarts as pets.

An owl heavier, they finally headed off to Florean’s. All Harry’s supplies, except his wand, which Jamie made room for in her own wand holster, were stuffed in a bottomless bag, which they had Harry carrying across his back. Noah held the owl’s cage, promptly named Owlbert (which Jamie loved and knew Sirius and even Remus would get a kick out of, too), in one hand and Jamie’s hand in the other. Harry walked - nearly skipped - in front of them, leading the way.

Jamie squeezed Noah’s hand. “Calla’s pretty old. Think she’ll survive the shock of us bringing an owl into the house.”

“Don’t even joke. This owl better prepare itself.”

Jamie laughed and felt Noah’s thumb rub over the back of her hand. Noah loved that cat. Jamie wasn’t sure if they’d ever be able to get another cat again if Calla died.

“Aww,” Jamie said, leaning her head to rest on Noah’s shoulder as they read Harry’s letter together. “His first crush!”

“Maybe.” Harry’s own description was confused on how he was feeling. “Did we prepare him well enough?” Noah worried.

Jamie laughed. “For what?”

“I don’t know…” Noah lifted a hand to twirl it in the air a few times. “To understand how he’s feeling. I know it was a long time ago, Jamie, but do you remember how confused and lost you felt before you knew bi was a thing? Heck before you knew about demisexuality?”

Jamie immediately quieted. Honestly, she hadn’t remembered. It had been a long time. Were they really that old?

“Coming in!” Sirius bellowed from the fireplace, already inside. Jamie laughed, thankful for her friend breaking the awkward silence.

“In here!” Jamie shouted.

Two sets of footprints announced that Remus was with Sirius a moment before they entered the kitchen. “Wazzat?”

“Letter from Harry,” Noah said, handing it over. Harry loved and trusted his Uncles. They were basically extra parents to him. He knew and expected that all letters home would go to Moony and Padfoot, too - often left them special messages in his letters.

“Aww,” Remus smiled.

“His first crush,” Sirius finished. “How exciting. Third year, though. Does that seem sorta late to any of you?”

Noah shrugged. “Not to me.”

They all stared at the letter. Then Jamie laughed and clapped Noah on the back. “He might take after you, then, No’!”

Noah smiled and looked down, but Jamie saw the worry roiling underneath. She knew they’d spend the rest of the day crafting a letter back to Harry. None of them minded, though. Harry was pretty much the center of all their worlds. And with all the trouble he got into at school, this was a mild problem in comparison. One they could actually help solve.

When they’d finished crafting, they put their heads together and worked on modifying a howler to calmly and lovingly give their messages to Harry. He deserved to at least be able to hear their voices for this, if they couldn’t be there to answer his questions in person.

This was worse than the first time. The first time, they were scared for Harry, but they could fight for him. He was theirs to protect and look over. This time, Harry was nearly as old as they had been and facing He-Who-Had-Must-Not-Be-Named’s presence at Hogwarts since first year. He was old enough to make a choice, and he had. Right after they’d all returned from the mess of Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour’s wedding. Although Ron and Harry were schoolmates and pals, Harry wasn’t a close enough friend of Ron’s to warrant an invite to his brother’s wedding. All Order members had basically become family of Molly and Arthur Weasley’s, though. The attack had come after the ceremony. Neville (who was closer with Ron than Harry), Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna had all disappeared as the attack started.

A terrified and ferocious Jamie and Noah had found an ashen-faced Harry sandwiched between Remus and Sirius, wand still held out in defense. They’d rushed to Harry’s side, checking for injuries. Remus quietly told them that Harry had done great, been holding his own before Remus and Sirius made it over to him. When they’d finally gotten him to talk, he’d only whispered, “Ginny”. Turns out, their son had been flirting with the youngest Weasley for the past year, and they’d been secretly toying with the idea of a relationship. Harry had seen it when her group had disapparated (or, more likely, Hermione apparated them all away - genius recognizes genius and the Marauders and Noah continued to be stunned by Harry’s stories of her successes, even secondhand told).

Even though returning to Hogwarts meant going to school under a Death Eater, Harry had stood proudly before the four of them and declared, “I don’t care. I’m going back. Other students won’t have a choice. Me and the others, we have to be there for them.”

Jamie steeled her heart and didn’t let her face react. She was sure Noah’s, Sirius’, and Remus’ were much the same. Proud and steely. Worried. Wishing they hadn’t raised such an independent, compassionate Gryffindor. Noah nodded, but it was Jamie who stood and wrapped Harry in a hug. “You give ‘em hell from the inside. Your dad and uncles and I will give them hell from out here.”

Harry gave a half-laugh, half-sigh. Slowly, Noah, Remus, and Sirius stood to join them. Sirius ruffled Harry’s hair. “Always stand up for yourself, Harry.”

It was Noah’s plea that broke the dam, though. “Come back to us, Harry.” His voice broke as he said it.

The night that they sent Harry back off to Hogwarts, the station full of tight-lipped, crying, gray-faced families, Noah and Jamie laid in bed, limbs completely entangled and periodically crying. They didn’t sleep a wink. They rose to Sirius lying awake on the couch and Remus starting coffee for them all. The house was oddly silent. Noah and Jamie, and likely Remus and Sirius as well, felt more resolved and determined than ever. It was time to finally see the end of this damn war.

The Battle of Hogwarts, like all battles, had its downtimes, in which time moved too slowly and things were too clear. During the action periods, everything moved too fast, but at least there was no time to wonder or see who all had died. Jamie and Noah had managed to stick by each other’s side, but they hadn’t seen Harry since the Order initially confronted Headmaster Severus. Sometime after that, Remus and Sirius had been assigned to protect different sides of the castle as them, as well.

When they knew Neville was marching off to the forest to die for them all, they did find Augusta and do what they could to be with her. She’d screamed, a harsh, broken sound, then broken down in tears that she staunchly ignored as she paced back and forth.

It wasn’t until the Battle was over and bodies were being dragged into the Great Hall that Jamie and Noah saw any of their family again. “Merlin, no,” Jamie had whispered, spotting him first, and dashed in between students and families and staff alike. Noah saw what she was headed to a second later and broke into a run after her.

Kingsley Shacklebolt and Minerva McGonagall were carrying an all too familiar body. Minerva caught sight of Jamie and Noah headed toward’s them. Her stony expression fell for an instant, and she said something to Kingsley. They changed course and laid Remus Lupin on the ground.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Jamie was saying as she skidded to a stop, kneeling before Remus’ body. Her hands ran over his face, his neck, his wrist, trying to somehow pass some of her life into him. Noah hovered over his wife, the fear clear on his face. Minerva put a hand on Noah’s shoulder, then Jamie’s, then left them. The tears had come, and Jamie couldn’t stop them. Noah looked frantically around him. Please, please don’t have let them all died.

From across the hall, Noah spotted Sirius’ iconic hair. Almost in slow motion, Sirius turned and made eye contact with Noah. He shook his head, at first unable to move, then walked stiffly towards them, as if forcing himself to come and see who had died. When he was close enough to ID Remus, he roared and fell to his knees where he was, still several feet away. The Hall was a place of grief and mourning for the moment. His roar of heartbreak had hardly been the first and no one bothered looking at him or telling him to shush. Unmoving, unable to join Jamie or Noah over one of his best pals, he looked up to Noah. “Harry,” he mouthed. A question. An order. Noah didn’t know, but he couldn’t look at Remus any longer. Hoping that Jamie would understand his plan, he turned and walked out of the hall. He had to find his child. He had to find Harry.

They all should have helped move and recover bodies, but none of them could. Noah walked past the Weasley’s, bent over the body of one of theirs, past Augusta practically smothering Neville as Luna, smothered by her own father, seemed to be working to get them both a little air. He walked past bodies of children who looked too young to have been allowed to stay and fight. He walked past the bodies of elves, only being grieved by other elves for the moment. He walked past groups of people working to move chunks of stone and make sure no one was underneath.

Noah walked what seemed the whole of Hogwarts, barely taking stock of its immense damage, unable to process all the death he passed. Finally, he stopped and turned to the portraits. Most in this hall were empty - many characters were running around the castle pointing out where they thought they’d seen bodies get buried, while others were simply visiting friends, mourning just the same as everyone else. An old wizard with a long, gray beard and a blue hat and a young woman in a pale, yellow dress were present, though.

“My son,” he tried, “my son, Harry Potter. Do you know him? Have you seen him?” The woman sadly shook her head no. Noah could no longer take it. He made his way back to the Great Hall, hoping Harry, still alive, would have made his way back there by now.

Noah passed Minerva on his way back into the Hall. She grabbed his arm. “Your son needs you,” she said, pointing him roughly outside the castle’s entrance. Noah didn’t bother to ask for details, simply rushed out of castle, desperate to see Harry alive.

There he was. Brown skin, black hair, taller than Noah by a couple inches now, breathing hard and staring up at the sky. Noah didn’t break stride. “Harry!” he called. Harry, face ashy and dirty and covered in blood and all tear-streaked, turned towards him. “Harry,” he said, enveloping his child in his arms. Alive. Harry was alive. Noah breathed in his scent, one head firmly on his back and the other over the back of his head as Harry fiercely returned his hug, bent down to fold into his dad.

“Uncle Moony is dead,” Harry said, voice muffled.

“I know, little fawn,” Noah said, “I know.”

When Harry was able to straighten again, Noah asked if he’d been seen by his mom or Sirius. When he said no, Noah managed to convince him to come inside. Bringing his son to the body of his dead uncle felt like torture, but Jamie and Sirius needed to know Harry was alive, and Harry needed to hug them just as much as he’d needed to hug Noah.

“Any idea what Harry’s news is?” Sirius asked, in lieu of saying hello.

Noah shook his head. “Come on in, Sirius,” he teased. Harry was now 23. At this age, calling a meeting to talk to his parents couldn’t be that many things. Maybe he was sick with a serious illness or was announcing a surprise engagement to a secret partner or even was here to tell Jamie and Noah and Sirius they were too old to be living by themselves anymore. Though only 44, Noah felt much older than that. Had ever since the end of the war five years ago. Political and social recovery and improvement was a long, slow road.

“I’m betting he lost his temper, lost his job, and wants to move back in with us!” Jamie yelled from the living room.

“Jamie!” Noah admonished.

Sirius laughed and stepped inside. “Yeah, have some faith in your kid, Leaps! I bet it’s a promotion.”

Noah rolled his eyes as he followed Sirius into the living room. Sirius and Jamie had long since stopped hiding their betting over Harry from Noah. “You’re just saying that because Jamie’s had to do with Harry’s job.”

Sirius shrugged. “So what do you think, then, if you’re so smart?”

Noah shrugged back. “I think Harry has a right to reveal what he wants to talk about himself.”

“No fun,” Jamie teased, sticking her tongue out.

“What’s no fun?” Harry’s head asked, appearing in the fireplace.

“You!” Jamie teased again. “Get in here, already.”

Harry’s laughter was cut short as his head pulled away and he appeared in a flash of green a moment later.

“Ten galleons,” Sirius whispered to Jamie, and they shook hands.

Harry rolled his bright green eyes, looking startlingly like Noah in that moment.

“So what’s the news, kiddo?” Jamie asked. Noah joined her and Sirius on the couch, giving Harry the stage.

He took a deep breath. “Well, mum, dad. I’m… like you. I finally figured out why I’ve felt… different all these years. I’m agender. I don’t really identify with any gender. I feel more like I… don’t have one. I’m also grayromantic. My romantic attraction is both really low and fluctuates. And… I think I might also be bi, but I’m not really positive yet.”

“Oh, Harry!” Jamie jumped up to hug him, planting a big kiss on his cheek as well.

“That’s not quite all. I, well, I kinda like being called your son, and I like the name Harry, but I want to start using they, them pronouns instead of he, him.”

“Of course, Harry!” Noah beamed, coming in to hug Jamie and Harry together.

“Proud of you, squirt,” Sirius said, coming in to hug Noah, Jamie, and Harry all together. “You know, we all know how hard coming out can be.”

“And how hard figuring out how you feel is,” Noah added.

“You know you’re my favorite kid, yeah?” Jamie asked.

Harry laughed, squirming out of the group hug. “Yeah, yeah,” they said. “So did you make lunch? I’m starving?”

Noah laughed as Jamie playfully shook their shoulder. “That’s my son!” she said. “Knows what’s most important. Of course we made lunch.”

Sirius’ stomach growled.

“Sometimes I think you all only show up here for the food,” Noah sniffed. Sirius grinned and threw an arm over his shoulder.

“Nah, the food’s just a bonus. I enjoy the company most of all.”

“Me too,” Harry said as Jamie copied Sirius and threw her arm over Harry’s shoulder.

“Well, I am just here for the food,” she said. “I can’t believe it took you two decades to figure it out.”

They all laughed. Jamie and Noah shared cooking duties, of course. Noah stuck an arm out behind him. Jamie and Harry both grabbed it and gave it a good squeeze.

“Thanks for being so chill about me being agender,” Harry said once they’d all sat down with full plates, “and grayro and possibly bi. Seamus and Dean finally got engaged and told their families. Dean’s family took it pretty well, if a bit stiffly, but I guess there was some name calling in the Finnigan household.”

Sirius, who was sitting closest to Harry, reached over to put a supportive hand on their shoulder. “We’d never treat you like that, our little fawn all grown up.”

“Never,” Noah and Jamie echoed. And they all meant it.

~Hufflepuff Mod

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junker-town · 3 years

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5 winners and 3 losers from Week 4 in the NFL

Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

This version of the Cardinals is different, and very special.

I’m drinking the Cardinals Kool-Aid, big time. I’ve been warned against falling for its intoxicating scent. Given reason not to give in to its sweet promises. But dammit, at this point I’m willing to take a big swig, even if it kills me.

After the first week of the season I noticed this was a very, very different Cardinals team to the past. There have been established expectations for Arizona that existed long before the Kliff Kingsbury era. They established themselves as a team that lived or died by the pass, with almost nothing else to show for it. There are times this approach has worked well, like the 2008 team that made the Super Bowl — but what is often forgotten about that team is just how average they were.

Kurt Warner having one last run made for a heck of a story, but this was a really bad team propped up by a hell of a playoff run. The Cardinals went 9-7, in the regular season, had the worst rushing attack in the NFL, and a defense that was in the bottom third of every statistical area. The narrow loss to Pittsburgh for the Lombardi Trophy was the absolute maximum juice that could ever be squeezed out of that orange.

We know that Kingsbury’s approach was bold. He was taking the Air Raid offense and porting it over to the NFL, and for a while it seemed destined to follow in the path of other bold offensive choices that flourished, before fizzling and failing.

Now in 2021 it’s working, or it would be if this was a true Air Raid. Calling what Arizona is doing by any label would be inaccurate, because they’re absolutely unique. Sure, the bread-and-butter of the offense is overwhelming teams through the air with a host of weapons, but the running game has increasingly become a focal point — and it’s been trending this way for a couple of years.

The concept that the Cardinals are marked by Kyler Murray throwing 50 times a game is definitely true at times, but not in 2021. Rather, they’ve been remarkably balanced. Murray has thrown the ball 134 times this season, while the team has run the ball 114 times. This near-parity has positioned Arizona as 19th in the NFL in passing attempts, and 11th in rushing attempts.

This offensively balance was on full display against the Rams, who really didn’t have an answer defensively for the Kingsbury approach. Now with a 1-2 punch of Chase Edmonds and James Conner at running back as their shifty and power back respectively, there are just infinite ways this Arizona offense can attack you — and this season they’ve finally found a defense that’s good enough to get the job done as well.

A win over the Rams is of extra significance to Cardinals fans, who have seen this team struggle so much against Los Angeles in recent years that it’s their Moby Dick. Entering the game on Sunday Arizona had never beaten the Sean McVay led Rams, with an 0-8 record against them. Now sure, 1-8 isn’t much better — but that’s a very important symbol. In doing so it’s also catapulted Murray into potential MVP conversation, even though the season is young.

In four games Murray has been, well, incredible. He’s thrown for 1,273 yards, which projects to well over 5,000 on the year. While his 9 TD to 4 INT ratio is good, but perhaps not incredible — it’s really two other statistics that jump out to me. Murray is completing a ludicrous 76.1 percent of his passes, while converting at yard-per-attempt of 9.5. Keep in mind that averaging over 8.0 is normally a sign of an elite quarterback, and this number is just astonishingly good.

Oh, have we mentioned he can run too? 109 rushing yards for three touchdowns this season. Nothing to exactly write home about, but he’s also been incredibly efficient on the ground when needed — averaging 4.7 yard-per-carry.

What this means in totality is that Murray makes everyone’s life so much easier because he’s locking down an entire phase of the game. It’s meant that the defense doesn’t need to be in world-beating form, just enough of a speed bump that it’s impossible to hang with a team averaging 35 points a game and succeeding against everyone they’ve faced.

Now at 4-0 and coming off a big divisional win over Los Angeles I’m ready to double down on the Cardinals this season. They are that damn good, and this could be their best season ever.

Winner: Dallas Cowboys

It’s not like beating the Panthers is some huge statement game that solidifies the Cowboys in the NFL elite, but there’s a trend to this 3-1 team that’s worth following: Their offense is extremely good, and very difficult for teams to manage. Dallas hasn’t really had an easy “gimme” game this season so far, and they’re still on the right side of the ledger.

Time will tell whether their offensive explosion against Carolina is an indictment of their defense just not being as good as we thought, or if it’s a case of how good the Cowboys’ offense is — but either way this was an important win to take a grip on the NFC East.

In the next four weeks Dallas plays the Giants, Patriots, Vikings and Cowboys — which could absolutely position them at 7-1 as they reach the halfway point in the season.

Loser: Tennessee Titans

If you lose to the Jets you’re a loser of the week. I don’t make the rules around here, I just enforce them.

Winner: The Panthers and Broncos

This was a major statement week for both teams who entered Sunday at 3-0, but neither of whom really had an actual test. When the dust settles I think fans of both teams should remain pretty excited about their teams.

Carolina definitely made mistakes on Sunday, and their defense was exposed by Ezekiel Elliott — but without Christian McCaffery on offense the team still made this a one score game. Assuming McCaffery isn’t out too long there’s every chance this team can get back on track and continue to surprise this season.

Meanwhile the Broncos deserve plenty of props too. The scoreboard might not appear too favorable, but Denver was able to hang very close to Baltimore up until Teddy Bridgewater was forced out with a concussion. The game got away from them after that point, and it became clear a comeback wasn’t in the cards, because Drew Lock is terrible, but this is another case where I think Denver can move past this and put together a good season.

Even if 2021 isn’t the year in Carolina or Denver, both teams are showing that they’re trending in the right direction.

Loser: Urban Meyer

‘Nuff said really. You can find the video, I’m sure.

Winner: Patrick Mahomes

The Chiefs are a bit of a mess this season if we’re all being honest. Defensively Kansas City has been one of the worst teams in the NFL, and when that side of the ball is so bad that Mahomes can’t bail you out, well, you know there’s trouble.

That aside, we can’t just ignore a player throwing five touchdowns — even if it meant just a 12 point win over the Eagles, who are lost and confused this season.

I don’t think the Chiefs have it in 2021. There are just too many issues on defense to imagine this team making a playoff run in a division with the Raiders, Chargers and Broncos (who are better than expected), and I just realized that’s an actual sentence that I said, and not as a joke.

This is all so wild. This season rules.

Loser: Everyone who sat through the Patriots vs. Buccaneers broadcast

The game between Tampa Bay and New England was fantastic. Easily one of the best of the weekend — and it was absolutely ruined by how far the hyperbole in this match was pushed.

Every Patriots series we heard Cris Collinsworth talk about what a win over Tom Brady would mean to Mac Jones. Whenever Brady made a throw there was a cut away to show him warming up before the game, walking into the stadium or hugging Robert Kraft.

Then, just when you thought “this game is so great we don’t need to rely on Jones vs. Brady being a thing,” NBC played this video of Patriots fans leaving voicemails about Brady like it was call in radio, and it was awful. People saying they felt like Tom betrayed them, others saying watching him win a ring in Tampa was tantamount to seeing an ex get married.

Jesus Christ people, dude gave you unparalleled success for 20 damn years. Chill maybe.

Anyway, Mac Jones was good. The Patriots have a solid foundation, the Buccaneers are still the dangerous — and we just didn’t need any of this.

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talking-head-productions · 6 years

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If I Go Back In Time Part 2

I realized that were I to actually pitch the movie, the executives and producers would probably ask about more movies going forward. After all, this is supposed to be a cinematic universe to compete with Marvel. I've given it some thought- firstly, the casting of the heroes will be the same, because as far as I'm concerned they all did okay. Secondly, here's a list of possible films in my version of the DCEU:

Man of Steel 2

Plot: See the old post.

To Be Released: Given I said I'd go back to 2012, earliest release would probably be mid 2014

Marketing Notes: Keep it to a minimum. Maybe 2 trailers and a handful of tv spots. Around 4 minutes of footage total, all of it from the first half of the movie. Lower people's expectations a little so they can be surprised if it's any good.

Wonder Woman

Plot: Mostly the same as the one we got for real, but a few significant changes...

Lois Lane is the one conversing with Diana about the photograph, not Batman.

Ares did not kill all of the gods, they simply withdrew from the world of man once humans got too violent. They're in some pocket dimension version of Mount Olympus, waiting for future movies.

Diana does not think that Danny Houston's character is Ares. But she does think he knows where Ares is, because she has a very black-and-white view of the world right now, and Steve told her that Britain and their allies were the good guys. So obviously Ares is on the side of the 'bad' guys, the Germans.

Towards the middle of the movie, when Charlie the sniper is having his breakdown, Diana takes him aside and tells him that the older Amazons still have nightmares about battles from thousands of years ago. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It tends to help them when their friends are nearby. Now, they're not going to force him to fight, but they do want him to come with them. After all, if he stays, who will sing for them? I just think that having that conversation beforehand would be a bit more respectful of his condition. Also it comes back in the climax, Diana at one point has a gun to the back of her head in the middle of a fight, and Charlie shoots the guy first.

When Ares shows up towards the climax, he's actually a good guy who's been trying to end the war peacefully. Turns out, the mythology Diana was taught was wrong. The gods withdrew towards the end of the reign of the first Amazon queen, Otrera. Otrera according to the real world myths had a fling with Ares, which probably ended badly. Here, she would have lied about the reason for the gods' leaving just because she doesn't like Ares. And turns out, mankind really are just a bunch of warmongering assholes. Sometimes.

The real big bad is Doctor Poison. She uses Diana's discarded sword to stab Ares in the back, poisons Diana to weaken her, then huffs some of her own super-serum gas to make the boss battle a fair(-ish) fight.

When Steve comes up to Diana to tell her about his plan to destroy the plane, she can hear him and actually gives him her blessing. So no more 'hung up on her ex' version! It's just not possible if she told him to do it.

There are a couple bits of set up for the next film. First, at some point underwater ruins are mentioned, and Diana asks if Atlantis has fallen in the war. Steve asks if it actually exists, to which Diana replies, “Last time I knew...” The second part is a mid-credits scene where Lois sends Diana another message, asking her to look at a video. The video is exactly the same as the one we got in BvS, of Aquaman underwater stabbing the camera with his trident. During the clip, we hear a part of what will be Aquaman's theme, same as how WW's theme played in her pre-credits scene.

To Be Released: Probably late 2015, early 2016

Marketing Notes: Nothing is released or announced regarding this film until after MoS 2 has been in theaters for a week. I want people to go absolutely fucking apeshit in theaters when they realize that Wonder Woman of all characters will be the next film. Considering how she'd been regarded by Warner Bros. in the past.

The Aquaman

Plot: It's like a crazy Star Wars/Black Panther/Moana fusion. An Operatic Superhero Political-and-Family Drama based out of a futuristic Polynesian magitek version of Atlantis, with only a few scenes above the water.

To Be Released: Mid to late 2017.

Marketing Notes: Don't have a lot of action in the trailers. There will be action in the movie, including a badass final fight, but it'll be less than most superhero films. Focus on the drama in the trailers to accurately represent the movie.

Knight of Gotham

Plot: This movie will be the smallest scale movie in the franchise. It'll focus in on Batman's detective skills more than anything (though he'll still kick major ass).When the movie begins, all of Batman's more famous foes are locked up in Arkham Asylum. He hasn't been seen much lately. So smaller criminals are starting to think it's safe to operate in Gotham again. Mob boss Don Carmine Falcone wants in on it. So he puts out a hit on Commissioner Gordon, the only non-corrupt official in the city. The first taker is Deadshot (setting him up for you-know-what, but a better version). After that a couple of small-time killers. Then Ra's Al-Ghul shows up and tells Batman that every assassin not a part of the League will likely be heading to Gotham to try and kill James Gordon. However, there's only one to really be concerned about: a man named Victor Zsasz. The rest of the film is a cat-and-mouse game between Batman (plus Jim and Batgirl) and Zsasz, culminating in a boss fight that would rival both John Wick movies put together. At the end, Zsasz is a sore loser and blows up Arkham, releasing the villains for future films. At some point, Batman talked to Deadshot in prison and got him to give up Falcone as the one who put out the hit, so Falcone goes to jail and Deadshot is placed in lesser security, with his name marked under the Task Force X label.

To Be Released: Early to mid 2018.

Marketing Notes: Give a significant amount of focus to Batgirl's involvement. People will love that, so long as there's no hint of anything between her and Bruce (there won't be).

Justice League

Plot: We introduce The Flash and Cyborg as a comedic duo of superheroes from STAR Labs, with a dynamic not too dissimilar from Deadpool and Cable, or maybe Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch. The villain of the film is Abra Kadabra, a Flash villain from the distant future who uses nanomachines to do... a lot of different things. He styles himself after a stage magician. As a character in the film, he wants to shunt the Earth into a pocket dimension (make the whole world... disappear!) in order to save it from future disasters. However, the process would kill most of humanity, which is why the League have to stop him. It takes all five powered heroes to hold him down, while Batman delivers the disabling blow using one of his gadgets.

To Be Released: Day after New Year's, 2019.

Marketing Notes: In the film, Abra Kadabra will use his powers to shape shift into the heroes at multiple points. We can use this to run a “Who can you trust?” tagline, with emphasis on the fights, because this movie is spectacle incarnate. With a simple plot.

Man of Steel 3

Plot: This is the one where Lex Luthor reveals his true nature. The big fight will be Warsuit Lex vs Superman. Kryptonite will be introduced here. Other than that, I'm not sure.

To Be Released: Fall 2019.

Marketing Notes: Fake anti-Superman propaganda clips put out by Lex Corp.

Wonder Woman 2

Plot: Villain will probably be Cheetah, since she's the one of the most popular. Might be good to have Diana team up with Flash, just to bring that fun element in, and maybe some time travel stuff. Possibly bringing Steve Trevor back.

To Be Released: Late spring 2020.

Marketing Notes: If Flash is involved, focus on his and Diana's dynamic.

Gotham Sirens

Plot: Catwoman and Lady Shiva have been partners in thievery for a while now. They're hired by Silver St Cloud to steal a sacred amulet (it's actually magic), and they decide to team up with Arkham escapees Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn for the extra muscle. Ivy has her own plans, however, and it involves using the amulet to turn the whole city into a jungle.The reason they needed the extra muscle to steal the amulet is because it was guarded by a private security firm named Grayson and Sons. One guess to who the survivor of the Siren's attack is. Yeah, this movie introduces Nightwing (he skips the Robin identity). He teams up with Batman, Batgirl, and most likely our two thieves to stop Poison Ivy.

To Be Released: Mid fall 2020. Hitting a rhythm now.

Marketing Notes: One half of the material is about the all-girl villain team, the other half is about the growing Bat Family.

Fall of Justice: Tower of Babel

Plot: After Abra Kadabra's tricks, Batman realized how dangerous the rest of the League were and created weapons to stop them if they ever went bad. Unfortunately, someone (maybe Joker? Who would not be played by Jared Leto- I'm thinking Nicholas Hoult, considering his performance as Nux in Mad Max Fury Road) has stolen those weapons and the League is in genuine danger. If not the Joker, perhaps The Rogues came over from Central City and this is Leonard Snart's origin as Captain Cold (the cold gun is in the weapon cache).

To Be Released: Spring 2021.

Marketing Notes: This'll be the darkest entry in the canon so far. Someone will probably die, though who I don't know. Probably a supporting character, but an important one.

There will of course be more movies, but I'm not sure of the order or most of the details. Here's a really quick list:

Constantine (introduce the weird mythos of Dream and the Endless)

Dark Justice (aka, Justice League Dark- the villain will be Enchantress)

Titans (a second superhero team is started by Nightwing and includes Beast Boy, Starfire, and a couple others, and Deathstroke is the villain)

Crisis on Infinite Earths (eventually)

Fall of Justice: The Crime Syndicate (evil versions of our heroes from another Earth)

Flashpoint (without the major reboot aspect)

An Untitled Green Lantern Film (used to introduce planets like Thanagar and Tamaran, as well as the Manhunters)

Identity Crisis (without the “Doctor Light is a serial rapist” part)

Final Crisis (not the last movie)

Suicide Squad (alternately titled “Task Force X”, with a different villain)

Untitled Justice League Sequel (with the Legion of Doom as the bad guys)

Untitled Titans Sequel (with Brother Blood as the villain)

New Gods (I don't know enough about them to even speculate, but this oughta be cool)

Untitled Man of Steel Sequel (uses “Death of Superman” plot)

The Dark Knight Lives (at some point, probably in a League film, Bruce Wayne retired and Batman was believed to be dead. Now he comes back, because Gotham City truly does need him)

Batman Beyond (so it turns out Bruce needs to retire, too, so he finds a protege to take his place)

Justice League Kingdom Come

Man of Steel: Rising Son (deals with the “multiple heroes trying to be Superman” scenario from the comics, before bringing Kal-El himself back)

Shazam

Green Arrow

Untitled Flash Movie

Untitled Green Lantern Sequel

Untitled Justice League Dark Sequel

Blue and Gold (Blue Beetle and Booster Gold buddy comedy film)

All Female Justice League Film

The final film in the entire universe would be titled Fall of Justice: Blackest Night (the “FoJ” title is applied to all the truly dark entries). This is the finale because it would include every character ever introduced in all the films, at least as a cameo; even the dead ones would return as Black Lanterns.

#dceu #man of steel #fine i'll make my own #batman vs superman: dawn of justice #justice league #batman #wonder woman #aquaman #superman #flash #cyborg

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theragamuffininitiative · 7 years

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Winn Schott - He Protects the Stars Masterpost, [P1 S2 E1-11]

Being a ramble of thoughts concerning one Winn Schott Jr., the tech genius and undervalued hero, with much appreciation for his character and reminders of how much they all need him.

Missed Season one? See S1 episodes 1-10 and episodes 11-20.

Without further ado, episodes are under the cut.

2x01, The Adventures of Supergirl

A decent Winnisode by all accounts

It was pointed out to me that Winn is always the one to pass Kara her drink when they’re out in a group. #idon’trecallmyhashtags. #supportive friend #priorities whatever

Winn chiming in on the “to family” toast, because this is his family. #space fam

Friendly reminder that Winn learned Kryptonian because he “got bored.” and that Alex requested his help at the DEO. #genius

“Find out something that my team of highly trained alien experts can’t.” “Challenge accepted.” AND HE DID. #genius

Aside: he promises to figure this out. To Kara. Because she is important to him.

Fanboying over Superman. I don’t have anything intelligent to add over this. Just watch the smol son freak out, it’s beautiful. #protect him

Winn handy translator helped him read the alien pod’s computer and discover the craft’s trajectory, giving them important info on their guest.

“You look Fantastic.”

Is the one who pays attention enough to find out where the explosion originated, that it was directly under a seat, and to realize that seat had significance: it belonged to Lena. This allows Kara and Clark to rush to Lena’s aid, who they thought was a suspect, not a victim, and they arrive just in time to save her life, and thereby contact the villain and find out his plans and save other lives. #hero

the murdery drone reminding him of his dad’s work. Look at our boy casually tossing around what was held as his deepest, darkest secret; making sure his friends don’t see him any differently now that they know. He’s come a long way.

-and immediate concern for Kara. Always. #supportive friend #priorities “always” should become another hashtag here.

Kara immediately asks specifically for Winn’s aid the minute they’re in trouble. And he delivers. #always

One minute Alex asks J’onn to let Winn help on a tiny bit of decoding, and suddenly Winn is in the thick of things, like he saw stuff going down and just grabbed a computer. #hero

Already making Space Dad smile by his antics. Space Dad needs this tbh.

Welcome to the DEO, Winn. You deserve this.

2x02, The Last Children of Mars

Open with sass: “Grumpy”

Quoting Yoda, the second Star Wars reference in as many episodes. Also, aside, it is obvious that Star Wars is Winn’s favorite fandom, it has the most nods and references from our boy of any he mentions. #nerd

“Hey, new kid, go get the alien tech from storage. Ya know, the stuff that almost made everything really bad for us last time. And see if you can improve upon it.” Winn isn’t there more than a day and J’onn already relies on him an incredible amount. Might be a test, might just be resourceful with his assets.

Entrusted with making Superman (and Kara) a specialized suit.

Our favorite non-super hero is loving this DEO tech, locating the Prometheum in seconds.

Those suits aren’t ready because the former IT guy is obviously preoccupied doing... everything else tech wise at the DEO. #give him a break

Winn and science and his big sis, Alex. #nerds #brotp

“Think with less stabbing.” Good advice.

Here’s a bit of backstory: Winn grew up in foster care after his dad was jailed and his mother took off. And they are not happy memories, probably especially because he’s the child of a crazy murderer. But what he’s taken away from that is beautiful. Family is about showing up. Probably this is why he always shows up for his friends, his family. He understands the importance of that.

CANNOT TELL A LIE TO SAVE HIS LIFE

Does anyone else require much, much more of Winn being a nerd with Clark? Give the boy some quality friendship time please.

Also: the slightly ironic swell of the soundtrack as the camera pans around Winn to reveal his emotional expression. It’s earned though: Winn is a hero.

“Thank you, Winn.” Clark is one of a small handful of people on a small handful of occasions to show appreciation for Winn or his efforts. Even though the quickly assembled armor was not ready to withstand the attack, it was helpful, and Clark appreciates it here. Bless.

He’s happy to see Space Dad and Clark finally getting along, and sad to see Superman leave. Also, that hug. Winn is very much a hugging person, and it’s a great bit.

“Next time.” Let there be a next time, yes? Yes.

2x03, Welcome to Earth

Look at that flame-retardant cape helping Kara save the president's life tracking Mon-el.

Just kind of, left on his own while everyone else squees over the president?? Winn honey, I know that in the past episode and a half you have become the single person who gets asked to do everything at the DEO but take a break for a minute

Finds Mon-el. Bravo.

Look at the other, older, more experienced DEO agents behind him, literally just staring in awe and confusion as he works. #genius

Somehow not only finds the signal Mon-el sends, but also tracks down its origin to a dead planet whose existence and name hardly anyone even knows about.

I feel the need to point out here, with Kara's reference to a Kryptonian slur for the Daxamites and her farewell to Clark in the previous episode, that Winn's ignorance of their meaning does not mean he doesn't actually know Kryptonian. Languages are hard and complex things, and Winn probably learned everything he knows from texts, not from oral teaching. A deeply personal phrase like the one Kara uses for Clark, which they say has no easy English translation, and a random curse, are not likely to have been in his vocabulary - but for what it's worth, they are now.

Pretty low on the Winncontent otherwise.

2x04, Survivors

Disappointed Earth doesn't have dragon soccer. Me too, Winn. Me too.

"awesome" and "amazing" are Winn's favorite terms, in case no one has noticed. #give the guy a thesaurus

Hold the phone. Casual mention of "shall I get a strike team to gear up?" after he identifies and locates an alien assailant??? The man has been at the DEO for what, a few days, maybe a week? And he has the authority to call up a strike team for Alex?? I'm not complaining, but, just how tight a ship is J’onn running here?

Just assumes Mon-el is going to use his newfound power for good, to be a hero, because whether it's with his friends, or even with his dad, or with Siobhan, Winn has a steady history of looking for the best in people.

I've been asked to point out the times Winn gets manipulated into things, and here's a good one: Mon-el promising Winn he can make his supersuit and name him, if he'll just let Mon-el do what he wants. Should Winn have listened? No. But he, too, has been cooped up at the DEO for a fair bit and temptation is too strong here. Thanks, Mon-el, for setting up how this relationship is going to work.

Drunk Winn. Oh dear.

Again, Winn cannot keep secrets or tell lies. He's hopeless.

This whole follow-up scene at the DEO is golden. All of it. I love him.

Winn traced J’onn’s phone. No big deal for him, but he did that.

To be fair, Mon-el at least puts in a good word for Winn, admitting he baited him into the whole thing.

Winn and Alex being concerned for Space Dad is an ongoing trope. I love Space Dad and his kids. #space fam

2x05, Crossfire **Winnisode**

Winnisode is how I’m officially labeling episodes with a fair amount of Winn

"Any of these [guns] look familiar?" is in the weary tones of someone who has asked this question multiple times in the past hour.

Displaying, again, concern over what could have happened to Kara in this most recent fight. #always

"I was into Kara." An important line. I don't think this is completely honest, but he's also not good at lying so who knows. In any case, his friendship with Kara is still important to him, and that's good.

Winn never should have let Mon-el watch television.

Playing with a toy gun, are we? After the incident at the toy convention and everything else?? Hmmm. I choose to read this as our irrepressible hero bouncing back, and maybe intentionally moving past fears, maybe because he thinks being an agent in the field would be cool.

Repeatedly going over the Cadmus broadcast, looking for clues. Detail-oriented.

Another instance of Winn being manipulated? Here we go. James here, showing up to "check in" on his friend, when instead all he wants is to trick Winn into giving him info so he can go be a haphazard vigilante. The second he has what he needs, not two minutes into their conversation, he just leaves. He wasn't there to see Winn at all.

This entire scene where Winn confronts James is golden. James is completely valid wanting to do important and worthy things and feeling out of place, but Winn is making total sense. James will get himself killed on this. He isn't a superpowered human, he isn't bulletproof. Winn obviously already worries about his other best friend getting herself hurt, now he's trying to protect his second friend.

“To fight with knowledge - there is no shame in that.” #hero

"Or you can end up just like him" is harsh. However, coming from the guy who is terrified that his own interests and skills will make him turn out like his father? He's not wrong.

Winn trying to remind James that you don't have to don a suit and punch people to be a hero.

Helping Kara implement her plan. Complete dork bumping into Lena. And still trying to protect James, whose actions in this scene, do not help btw. #supportive friend

Saving the day with his new Science Friend, Lena. #more of this please

"We stopped it!" #hero #sunshine child

1) acknowledging James' side of things, and 2) "I would feel kinda bad if you went and got yourself killed and I could have helped you, blablabla." You watch this scene and tell me which one is the more relevant reason for his decision. “Do not run into the line of fire until [the suit] is ready.” Winn will always want to be there to protect the people he cares about when he knows he can help them.

Also just a little bit excited to be a hero, who can blame him.

2x06, Changing **Winnisode**

(not as much screentime, but some solid moments)

Calling the agents to arms (is that also his job on top of everything else? what exactly is in his job description anyway??)

Distracted by Drunk Kara, a new thing. And you can't convince me of "was" into Kara when here he immediately deflates into saltiness about Mon-el partying with Kara.

Alex and J'onn just... leaving Kara for a bemused Winn to take care of lol.

Winn analyzed the laptops. All of them. Literally what are the other agents doing when they are at work?

Identifies and names the alien parasite. #genius #nerd

Another manipulative scene with James, and I was so angry with James here: He has absolutely zero right to demand things of Winn. They're both upset, worried about Kara, but that doesn't make his angry demands warranted. And he realizes he's gone too far, but it's too late. I think they both very much needed this conversation. But Winn is not yours to use, James, and he's doing this completely for you, so back off sir.

Aside: I will never not have feels over the way Winn immediately checks himself when he gets angry here. He confessed to Kara that whenever he gets angry, he wonders if he'll snap and do something terrible. So he doesn't let himself get angry. #protect him

"I'm better at this kind of stuff than anyone you will ever meet." It's nice to see Winn not selling himself short. Is it a little grandiose of a claim? I dunno, so far, he hasn't been wrong.

"Your IT Prophet has a lead." oh Winn. XD

Left to look after the two people who have come to be his family.

While I wish Winn had found a way to convince James not to do this, I appreciate the solemnity he handles the moment with. Yes, James, you need to be sure.

Friendly reminder Winn makes all of Guardian's arsenal. That bomb that just saved Mon-el? His. That shield? This boy is good.

Excited to see Kara. Sorry James, your Man in the Van will #always have a favorite super.

Designed James’ suit so that Kara specifically couldn't discover that it's James.

Feels wrong keeping the secret from Kara. Yes, good.

He hoped that James would take a shot at the hero thing and realize his mistake and be done. But that's not the case, so he'll continue to support James and enjoy being a hero along the way. #supportive friend

2x07, The Darkest Place **Winnisode**

Honestly, S2 holds a promising amount of content for Agent Schott, or at least it does when you know you might get scraps.

Winn Is Not Subtle.

“Three versus one.” Try three versus two, James. Don’t forget about your partner. Partner, not sidekick.

"in every situation Guardian seems to be one step ahead" that is one hecking good "sidekick" Alex

Nice grappling device, Winn *cough* I mean, Guardian.

#highpitched panic

Terrified of going to jail? Gee, I wonder how much thought he's put into that scenario...

Fantasy football: something James is into and invited Winn to get into as well, but not really Winn's thing - something he would do for an excuse to hang out with his friend? Yes.

Alex. Those eyes. He doesn't stand a chance.

That jump.

Offended by her slap. Such a little brother to Alex's big sister. #brotp

Too worried about the James/Guardian situation to be worried for Kara for once, having no idea she could be in danger. He does know she can take care of himself, honestly he probably shouldn't worry as much as he does, but this time it would still be warranted.

“Genius takes time.”

Winn figuring out things no one stopped to think on: noticing the one guy the vigilante let get away and wondering if there was significance to it, following through, making connections, digging up exactly who they need to look into. Call yourself genius anytime, sir, because at least it's not an empty boast.

James trusting Winn's direction when they're in the field. He needs Winn like the rest of them do. Can you imagine Guardian without his man in the van watching his back? (Spoiler, when Winn gets distracted, James ends up with a bullet graze.)

A little offended on Kara's behalf with the whole "hitched" conversation with Mon-el, but mostly amused

Kid in a candy store when his bff uses her powers.

2x08, Medusa

"Casually drop" the revelation about Guardian. Winn, dear, you can't casually drop anything.

"Eliiiiiiza's glazed carroooooots??!"

Okay, but petition Winn gets like... one, just one happy normal safe Thanksgiving someday?

Shoves James forward to make his confession. Pulls him back down when the timing is obviously not right.

Mon-el gives his speech, very similar to the one Winn tried to give last year, and Winn just...sort of freezes... and then just downs his wine. Poor dude.

"One slightly less intense than last year's Thanksgiving." SEE WHAT I MEAN Warring families are definitely worse than ripping holes in space, I agree.

Listen to Kara or do the smart thing? Or try your best to do both?

-Not Winn related, but I just have to point out in the Monopoly scene you can see one of the crew got careless with those glass doors and you can see their feet as Kara goes in to help Mon-el.

Watch Winn's face when Cadmus declares "every alien will die." You can tell his heart just dropped. His bff? The boss who will also become probably his healthiest relationship? Hundreds of innocents? He can't take it.

Calls the strike team anyway, because he would rather take action (and listen to Kara) than err on inaction.

At the end, he was totally going in for a hug there with Space Dad. Just saying. #space fam

Lastly. We were so close, sooooooo close to a Winn and Cisco meet. *sigh*

2x09, Supergirl Lives

I have a love/hate relationship with this episode, but Winn is amazing.

Quick thinking Winn, clothes-lining the baddie with the van door. Bravo. #hero

I can’t watch this scene. 10/10 cannot handle.

THE NEXT PERSON TO POINT A GUN AT THE PRECIOUS SUNSHINE CHILD-

“Winn, you okay?” No James. He isn’t. But thanks because this may be the last time anyone asks.

James had free time so he went home and wrote a fluff opinion piece on himself?? While his best buddy is in need of medical care and a friend. *sigh*

Can we talk about how Winn, regardless of keeping Guardian a secret, chooses to try and cover up his injury rather than seeking sympathy with his “mugging” story? #too pure #a good #protect him

“The future is very bright.”

.2 seconds of concern for Winn being the victim of an armed mugging is over, now we switch to finding out why Alex looks so dang chipper.

I’m sorry James. Not everyone gets a gun pulled on them. That doesn’t happen to normal people. Give Winn a break.

James may truly want to help, but somebody please give him some pointers: Good things to do for your friend: give them a break to recover from a trauma, go visit them for the express purpose of seeing them and being there for them, listen to what they have to say. Winn is always the #supportive friend, but he could definitely use one of those himself.

“It’s Stargate!” #nerd

WINN DESIGNED KARA’S SUIT WITH POCKETS AT THE SHOULDERS AND CAPE. #HERO #GENIUS

Tracing the portal trip to its base planet. #genius

Tooooootally a Captain America shirt right there. #nerd

I could talk about this scene for days but just kudos to Jeremy for brilliantly portraying a panic attack with all of Winn’s little mannerisms here: flight instinct, pushing his sleeves up, trying to breathe normally, stammering, all of it. Bravo.

“Kara needs you. I need you.” #hero

Alex is just amazing in this scene.

Winn + Space = the only OTP

Please tell me whose bright idea it was to leave an untrained agent by himself on a dangerous alien planet with no means of protection other than a bulletproof vest and what appears to be a completely empty weapon holster. ???? #protect him

You are not the red shirt.

“You brought WINN to space?” I hear you, Kara.

Winn taking on a murderous alien with only his wits and a space rock is amazing. #hero

LOOK AT THIS BRAVE CLEVER HERO. Yeah, you had better be watching Kara, look what your friend can do.

“Start the car!” is like my second favorite Mon-el line of all time, just have to put that out there.

Sometimes, being a genius means aggressively hitting alien technology until it does the thing. #genius #sorta #desperate times

Did anyone else notice that Kara pushed Winn safely through the portal and then suddenly he’s still with them at the end? Terrible continuity, but I’m just going to choose to believe that the little space nerd didn’t want to leave it forever quick so quickly.

#no hugs for Winn. :(

Look at him. He is over the moon. Well. Close. ;)

When did he get the space rocks? Collecting samples while fixing the portal? Or from shaking out his vest and shoes and finding space dust there?

WIINN. SCHOTT. PROTECTS. THE. STARS. #hero

2x10, We Could Be Heroes

Winn. Is. Tired.

It’s a tossup whether the fact that James is injured or the fact that Winn’s suit failed is the reasoning for him wanting to tell Kara immediately.

“This is officially the first time I have ever asked you for anything.” ..... He has a point. And all he wants is to tell the truth.

“Maybe she’ll turn all the girlfriends evil again, I don’t know!” Winn Schott is the saltiest, most extra cinnamon roll in the world.

Cries out in anguish when Kara breaks a computer. XD #nerd

Pretty sure if Kara had maybe had a heart to heart with her best friend, it probably would have kept him from going behind their backs to help Guardian again. He wants to prove a point, and prove his worth.

Jack-of-all-trades #8?: Man in the Van. He has too many trades. I’ve lost count.

“Short answer: science,” is the best techno-babble replacement line.

Stuff goes wrong. Calls Kara. Winn isn’t an idiot.

Space Dad lecturing Winn and Winn thinks he’s this close to being dead. XD Bonus of Space Dad complimenting Winn and James and acknowledging their work. Kara, take notes.

When Kara lectures them, James leaves. But Winn waits. He waits to see if Kara has anything else she wants to say. And he looks so disappointed as he walks away. :( #always?

2x11, The Martian Chronicles **Winnisode**

not the most development, but some thrilling heroics

“Didn’t know I’d be seeing you tonight.” “Why wouldn’t you be?” Kara, some people do actually have work schedules that they try to stick to in order to keep their jobs, and most humans actually benefit from them.

That sad smile of his when she says “you could have been killed” It’s the thing he worries about with her. He knows, Kara.

“Have you ever thought that maybe I have a calling too?” This is one of only a handful of times Winn directly stands up for himself, and I want to stand up and applaud.

Gameplanning with Vasquez. YES. Also, good to see at least one of the other DEO agents actually being allowed to do noticeable work.

Confusion and horror in reaction to seeing the White Martian double. #protect him

They just.....wreck all the computers. Winn is really going to have a lot of work.

Spoilers: Everything from this point is not Winn, but the Martian. But that Martian has access to Winn’s memories, including learned abilities and general knowledge, and uses that to his advantage. Also, little note: Winn was probably physically the easiest target in the room. He’s not tactically trained. Maybe that’s why the White Martian took him out, because it needed a hiding place and Winn was a safe bet. On the other hand, the other one also took Alex, so. It may have been more than luck that led the Martians to selecting Winn, the genius whose mind and access they could use to implement their plan.

“Teakwood and tobacco.” I need the story behind this. Current headcanon is that this smell is associate with a foster home.

Martian!Winn noticeably nervous about J’onn’s mind scan.

Covering his initial offense at M’gann’s insult by turning it into a very Winn-like quip.

There is thinly veiled contempt in Martian!Winn’s glance at J’onn. Nice acting, nice directing there.

#whatEvenIsThatHandThingy ???

#ScaryWinn

I...I really hope Jeremy enjoyed this as much as it looks like he did.

Winn has access to the whole system. That’s great. Uuuuuntil an evil alien gets to the reactor.

“We need the real Winn to unlock it.” I love that Alex doesn’t even question if anyone else can beat Martian!Winn’s encryption. However, I’m not sure if this is the real Alex here or not...

Also, seriously Kara, why has it taken you this long to show concern for your friend?

non-Winn-related commentary: #this is not the time for a meaningful chat. #you are going to get blown up.

WINN. UNCONSCIOUS. TIED UP ON THE CEILING. how dare. #protect him

“Whhyyyyy??!” is me when my alarm clock goes off. Probably Winn too.

“OOooHhHh wegottagetouttahere” XD XD

....Recovers faster than Alex. Maybe because he’s already ‘been there done that’ with someone being in his brain?

“About four minutes?” Love him.

Psyching himself up, assuring he can do it, right before seeing the battle going on around the reactor.

Warns J’onn about Armek. #hero #space fam

Space Dad’s priorities: protect the children, stop the bomb. #space fam

Has the courage to move through the fight to the core. He has his fear well in control here, just getting to work. #hero

“Whoever encoded this was a genius.” You. You sir. You are the #genius.

“This did not used to happen at CatCo.” Sweetheart. It wasn’t a lot better.

“Close? We had like twelve seconds to spare!”

“Can’t believe it’s still nighttime.” It’s ok, no one knows how time passes in this town buddy.

Put it on record: Kara just showed appreciation for Winn doing his job and saving the day. He couldn’t have done it alone, but no one else could have done it without him. #always #hero

“Unless you object.” He’s giving her a chance to make amends and she takes it, not giving him any reason not to go with Guardian. #supportive friend. “Be Safe.” She also shows care for him, which has become rare.

#Always.

Alrighty, that’s it for this post! I’ll add the rest of the episodes to a second part, which I shall link from here as soon as it’s posted. :D Hope you enjoyed. Winn Schott deserves the world.

#stop ignoring winn 2k18 #winn schott - he protects the stars #winn schott #appreciation post #supergirl #superglue #masterpost

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theworldsmosthatedakacr7 · 7 years

Text

Cristiano’s interview with France Football

I translated this from penamadridista.hu, from their translation of the original interview. If there is any mistake, I’m sorry, you know English isn’t my first language. I know this is going to raise attention (the only thing I believe), so I say it now, in the Hungarian translation they refer to Gio as Cristiano’s fiance. I have not seen the original interview so if someone read the French version, feel free to tell me if it’s a mistranslation of the middle person.

The five times Ballon d'Or winner doesn't plan to lay back and do nothing while admiring his collection of trophies. Besides already concentrating on 2018, he brings back the memories of the recipe of his success.

The date is Monday, 4th December, the location is the training center in Valdebebas. The shining sun and the light blue colour of the sky gives a special brightness to the place. The training is over. Raphael Varane who is on his way to his invidual lesson with an English teacher welcomes us, just like Karim Benzema. In the lobby, staff of Real Madrid is decorating the Christmas tree, that later gets white and purple decors, and they put packages under the tree. It's 13:10 when Cristiano Ronaldo finally arrives. He wears black shirt and black jacket that give him a prince like elegancy, he's company is his old time friend, Ricardo. The rest only takes 40 minutes in a room that gives perfect view to the training pitches. During this time the five time Ballon d'Or winner never looks at his watch, just takes a few sips from the water bottle placed on the arm of the sofa, stopping the interview only for a couple of moments. In previous years, when we asked him, when we've made interviews with him, he's never talked to us this way never had an interview like this with him but the readers shall decide themselves.

You're about to receive your 5th Ballon d'Or. Do you feel like this award became somewhat too ferial, plain for you?

Ferial? No, never. When I started my career, I didn't dream about more than to win one Ballon d'Or. With signing to Manchester, I believed my career got to a turning point and it wasn't impossible anymore to reach this aim. I felt that I got a chance to make my dreams come true, I made up my mind that it was realistic to win. As the years have passed, my opinion changed, and I knew one Ballon d'Or wasn't enough. Simply because too many has had the same recognition and I'm telling this with the utmost respect, most weren't on the same level with me. There's a huge difference between those who only one the Ballon d'Or one time and those who were able to win it twice, three or four times. I didn't want to belong to the group who only won it one time. Considering the potential I have, the talent and my hard work, I knew I'd be able to succeed again.

Which moment was this year when you said “Alright, I won the award.”?

I knew if I won the Champions League, I'd get one step closer to the 5th Ballon d'Or. In the end we won the series and I ended up as the top goal scorer of Europe most prestigious competition again. Besides, I scored twice in the final. I think, this was that moment.

5 years ago Messi was five Ballon d'Ors ahead. Did you think back then that you'd be able to achieve the same?

Funny story, isn't it? I didn't think I'd be able to catch up with him because after I won the first, he won four in a row. I'm not going to deny, I was angry and sad. I attended the award shows but never won anything. I was demotivated. I didn't want to go to just get my photo taken. And then step by step, thanks to the help of those around me, I told myself, everything has a beginning and an end. And in football, it's the end result that matters, not the beginning. I remained calm, kept on working, and won new Ballon d'Ors. Today, I won the 5th that makes me want to fight further, and stops me from thinking about my age. Who was the eldest player who won a Ballon d'Or? Cannavaro?

Stanley Matthew was 42 years old when he was given the award for being the best, in 1956...

(His eyes go wide.) 42? Did he play alone or what? But seriously, nowadays that would be unimaginable. There's no way to play football for that long. When I see 24-25 years old players getting injured frequently, I remind myself how lucky I am to be in this physical condition at 32.

When you received your first Ballon d'Or in 2008, did you hope you'd overcome Zidane, Ronaldo Nazarió, Platini, Van Basten or Cruyff?

I always believed that I'd only be able to win one. Two? Why not! Five... I'd have never believed it. As they say: Much will have more.

Are you aware what position you have in the history of Ballon d'Or?

If I think about it calm, I believe so, yes. No player has as many individual awards as me. And I'm not talking about the Ballon d'Or. All of this must mean something, right? This is not simply about the work done in the gym as people often like to think. There are many other factors. Exceptional people like Floyd Mayweather or LeBron James also didn't get where they are by mere chance. Everything has it's significance. In order to get to the top and be able to stay there you need way more talent than others.

Five Ballon d'Ors. We can say regarding this award, this is the first time that no one is ahead of you.

You know well that I respect other's opinion but right now I don't see anyone being better than me. And I've always thought this way. There is no football player who would be capable of anything that I couldn't do as well. Meanwhile, I see that I'm able to do things that others aren't capable to do. There is no more complex player than me. I play well with both of my feet, I'm fast and strong, I'm great with my head, I score goals and hand them out as well. People have a right to prefer Neymar or Messi. But I'm convinced that there is no more complex player than me. I'm sure everyone is going to say I'm an egoistical dick... But when you are on the top, it's natural to get criticized. As a journalist, I'm sure it happens with you as well.

Do you think you are the best player in the history?

Yes! I'm the best player of history, both with my greatest and worst moments. As Zidane said today during training: We have to face difficulties in order to be able to value the success later. The bad moments push us to work harder. It's normal to be angry and frustrated because you weren't able to score. If that didn't happen, it'd mean you don't even care. So yes, if I don't play well or the training doesn't go as I want, I end up angry with myself. However, when I leave the training pitch or the stadium, I also leave whatever happened behind and my life goes on in a normal rhythm.

You have some great expectations towards yourself... Isn't this too much?

One time the fitness coach of Real Madrid, Antonio Pintus said laughing that I was a real psycho. He's never met anyone like me before, someone who works as hard as I do. When I step into the gym, I don't talk to anyone, I only concentrate on the work to be done. I admit, I put more pressure on myself many times than it'd be necessary. But I'm not regretting being like this. Maybe it'd be better if I got a bit more laid back and relax but that isn't how I live my life. I have no intention to change anything 15 years into my career. I wouldn't have won so many things if I hadn't been unsatisfied all the time.

How much chance do you see for a 6th Ballon d'Or?

I couldn't tell in this moment. We're still in many competitions with Real Madrid next year and we'll go to the World Cup with Portugal. I think next year's World Cup is going to be crucial in the race for Ballon d'Or. Imagine that we win the Champions League where I'm the top scorer at the moment with Real Madrid and I have a not so good World Cup behind me. Or reversed. In 2018 there will be many deciding factors but I don't think Champions League is going to be one of those. The bar is definitely going to be raised.

Close to 33 how are you able to remain at the top?

It's all in the head. The key to everything is motivation, and the most important for that is the decision to be made. If you lack that, things get more difficult. Personally, I'm a positive man. I love football, I love extra practices at trainings. The real problem appears when we don't have enough motivation. Because this (points at his head) commands this (points at his right leg). There's no exception. If you are not alright in the head, you can't feel good in your own skin either.

A year ago, more or less at the same time you said you weren't the player as you were before. Is this true today? Is the body still at the level of the mind?

I think my body is in a better condition than it was one or two years ago. I feel fine, and I feel stronger.

What is it that really bothers you?

If I don't feel the support of the club or the fans. People have a very short memory. The other day at the airport about 5 meters from us a guy recorded us with his phone when I was with Carvajal and Ramos. And then he tells us “Hey, maybe you should wake up, you fuck everything up.” I thought to myself: “Hey, only 3 months ago we won the European and the Spanish Super Cup.” See, I don't know what to do with such horrible things. This type of amnesia bothers me a lot. Football works in cycles. When things don't go well, people should support us, the fans should stood by the players. In four years we won 3 Champions League trophy what – from that point of view – can seem to be easy but Real Madrid had to wait 12 years to win the La Decima. I know how hard I work and still sometimes things just don't work out the way I want them to. It happens that the ball bounces off the goal or the keeper stops the ball. I only ask everyone to trust us.

Could you tell me what do you do in order to keep up your physical level?

I do the same for years now. Maybe more thoughtfully than before. A couple of years ago I spent 40 minutes in the gym, now I only do 20 but with more special practices.

Do you think this work invisible to others is the secret of your success?

This is all very important but only just one part. What is even more important is talent. I can give you the book of my daily routine, the recipe of my success. I can tell you about my eating habits, how I train, everything that helped me to get where I am now. Then we'll see if you'll be able to win 5 Ballon d'Ors. I will tell you: without talent you can forget about it. Give the recipe for success to a 15 years old kid and in 10 years we'll see if they deserve the recognition. Do you get what I mean?

Carlo Ancelotti told us one time that he'd never in his life met a player before who would have an ice bath 2:30 in the middle of the night after a Champions League game. Why was that necessary?

That's a crucial part of my routine. Because of the 2-3 hours long plane trips, and the changing pressure, legs swell up. Cold water is a natural painkiller, and I enjoy it. Sometimes I also sit into hot water. These are small things that make me feel better and make the difference. I'm aware that after a cold bath, I sleep better. Do you know why after games some players have restless nights? Because they don't have a release. There's still adrenalyn in their system. I'm looking for ways that help me to come down. 95% of times I sleep perfectly at night, and the rest is also good. People aren't aware how important sleeping is. I am. The same is true about working and eating. These details make me better step by step.

Do the success by winning the Ballon d'Or help to forget about previous years?

Success is always a bonus for the mind, a psychological one. You know that you worked for something. And this pays very well. If you worked hard through the year and in the end you achieve nothing, that can be very frustrating. I feel lucky that year upon year sometimes more, sometimes less but I always win something. This gives motivation to work even more and win even more.

You have four children in your home now, does that change getting prepaired in any way?

My routine hasn't changed at all though, unquestionably, the presence of my four children has an affect on my life. Regardless, I do my job without interruption, and I spend enough time to rest. It doesn't matter whether there is one or four children. The only difference now is that my attention is divided more. I give all my generousity to my children but I pay attention to do my job professionally.

Can Cristiano, the father, the head of the family replace Cristiano, the footballer?

No. Whilst my three children who bornt recently means more responsibility, my professional life has changed nothing. As I said before, I always dreamt about having a big family and I'm doing everything I can to have that. Family is the most beautiful thing in the world. After the experiences and joy that I've had as the father of Cristiano Junior, I wanted to have more children. And so now I'm very happy. My children fill me with pride. And I'd like more kids in the future.

Are you so keen on having moments alone as well?

Being alone... I don't really have a need for that. Sometimes I am alone at home, even with so many children, I have my personal space. Fortunately, my home is big enough. (smiles) There are enough places where I can go away if I want to or need to be alone. This isn't a problem. I'm also alright when my partner (girlfriend) goes to classes or my kids go for a walk. But I don't need long hours alone.

Do you get up at night to feed the children?

I'll be honest: no. If I had to, I would, without complaining. I love my kids and I make sure they aware of this, for example every single time when I get home from training. However, I have a partner (girlfriend) and two other people who help to take care of the little ones. I need to rest during the night. And of course, it doesn't mean I don't love them, it merely means that I'm responsible for my family, I'm responsible for my job that demands a lot of me. Afterall, who is the breadwinner in the family? I try my best to give everything for my children, to ensure they have a dream life and they get everything they need. Everyone has their job in our family. Mine is to be generous with them and to educate them. The night is saint and not to be disturbed though. Next day I have to go and run and I have to do my job well.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

The same as today. I'd like to play as long as possible but I can't guarantee that I'll be mentally alright. No one knows what tomorrow holds. We shouldn't think too much about the past or wonder too much about plans for the future. We have to live the here and now because this moment is beautiful and sweet. I'm happy because I win titles because I'm healthy and my family and friends are alright. You have to draw from this and enjoy it. If I don't feel well anymore, my career might end in 5 years. This is exactly why I put effort into other projects as well. I have sponsores, hotels, gyms and a fashion company... I won't have existential problems.

Is there a chance you'll be a manager one day?

At the moment no. Honestly, I'd like to spend more time with educating myself, studying. I'm thinking about acting for example...

Acting?

Yes, I'd like to give it a shot. Year by year, they offer me the chance to participate in films but besides football I have no time for it. You know, it's almost certain, I'll struggle terribly when finally I put the boots down. Football is going to remain my passion forever. Of course, I'm also certain that I'll live my life as a happy man.

#cristiano ronaldo #cr7 #real madrid

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