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convoy-system · 3 days ago

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Addressing the "Micahverse"

This has gotten insanely out of hand. I'm making one big post and then I'm going back to being a normal sysblr blog. I'm just an 18yo guy whose still fresh out of my abuse environment, I'm not some evil mastermind plotting against sysblr. When I say I just want to exist, I mean that.

From my perspective, this all started with me answering 2 asks on this blog.

(Edit: To make my blog timeline clear, I ran dissociative-misinfo and snowchester at the same time last year from Sept-Nov I believe. I made my apology for those blogs in December on micah-nicholas, and by then I was pro-endo privately. I deactivated micah-nicholas shortly after posting the apology because I felt uncomfortable being on sysblr at that point. A while later, I created my current main blog @obviously-im-a-boyo and I ran reveromantics and zain-syscourse as sideblogs. I deleted reveromantics and zain-syscourse after the Dia situation, and that's around when I made this blog. I ran other non-system sideblogs here and there, but currently my only system blog is this one.)

The first ask was an anon that just said "misogynist." I found this funny because it was random as hell, so I screenshotted it and showed it to my One Direction discord server, they made some funny commentary, and I answered the ask with that commentary. A user who claims they weren't the anon started a comment chain accusing me of being misogynistic and transmisogynistic, and when I asked them to show evidence, they refused. I have no idea who this blog is, apparantly they were in my old server when I was dissociative-misinfo, but I have no further info on them.

The second ask was from ratinacoat, a former friend of mine who I stopped associating with after I deleted dissociative-misinfo and stopped being anti-endo. Some timeline info- after I deleted dissociative-misinfo, I took a short break from sysblr as a whole, before I came back anonymously as two sideblogs zain-syscourse and reveromantics. These blogs were pro-endo. I deleted those blogs recently after the Dia situation in which I was blamed for Dia's public mental breakdown and subsequent IRL hospitalization. More on that in a bit because it could be it's own fucking post.

Rat's ask was asking if my recent pro-endo blogs were bait like Snowchester had been. Snowchester was the bait blog I ran cocurrently with dissociative-misinfo. I've apologized for both of those blogs back in December. I was going to ignore Rat's ask because I was ignoring a lot of anon hate already, but I was worried Rat might try to make a post claiming zain-syscourse and reveromantics were bait blogs, so I answered the ask to clear the air. I clarified that no, those blogs were not bait, I've just been changing and going through some questioning about my system. I also clarified that I'm pro-endo and have been for a while now.

Me answering those two asks, the anon and rat's, seem to have opened the absolute hellish floodgates upon me. This is where the micahverse begins, from my perspective. I know multiple of the people who posted about me are in a discord server that discusses me, but I don't know if this was a planned or coordinated effort, or just likeminded people all deciding to jump my ass at the same time.

At first I just noticed the anons I was getting directly, and the direct reblogs to my posts. What was being brought up at this point was all just dissociative-misinfo drama, shit I've already made an apology for and wanted to move forward from. I made a post on this blog clarifying that if you dislike me, please just block me instead of sending/tagging me in hate, or posting about me. Just block me.

Then I found out about the micahverse tag. Validity-system started it, with their long post listing accusations at me. I'll quickfire this.

Yes, I do remember deleting my discord server I ran when I was dissociative-misinfo. Yes, I know I deleted it because I got triggered during an argument about the semantics of the term functional multiplicity. Yes, I know that was stupid. I don't agree with my opinions at that time anymore, they stemmed from me being staunchly anti-endo, and I'm not anti-endo anymore. I also don't care to police other systems or their terms anymore. I've moved past this.

I know I had trouble stepping away from arguments. I know in hindsight that I wasn't equipped to be running that kind of server that's so volatile and built on syscourse. That's why I don't run a syscourse-y server anymore. I mean, I run a One Direction fan server, but all we do there is talk about boybanders and music so I'm not putting myself in a compromising position there.

Yeah, when I triggered myself into a severe derealization episode, I probably did claim I was being ganged up on. I was triggered and in an episode. I know that was fucked up, and it was a messy fallout, but again I've accepted that I no longer have the priviledge of friendship with the people I hurt by deleting the server and blowing up on everyone. I made my apology post for the things that happened on tumblr, and I sent out private apologies on discord to the old server members. This was all months ago.

I have vague memories of the conversation about men and women and dogs. I don't remember the full context of why I brought up my distrust of women, but that's one of my personal trauma triggers. Women who remind me of my abuser (my mother) tend to set off alarm bells in my head. It's not their fault of course, but I guess I wasn't clear about this being a personal trauma thing for me. As for the dog thing, actually fuck off. You misrepresented what I said on purpose. I know for a fact that the only time I've ever mentioned that I would "kick a dog if it got too close to me" is in context of self-defense. I live in a city full of stray dogs, MANY of which are violent. I've been chased by dogs dozens of times in the year I've lived here, and I've mentally prepared myself to potentially have to kick or fight a stray dog if I ever got properly attacked. I would never hurt a dog just because, it's a hypothetical self-defense tactic I've planned for but never had to employ. I've never kicked a dog, is the short version of all that.

Dragging the Wilbur Soot allegations of all things into this is fucking random but fine, I'll address it. I believe in innocent until proven guilty, and Wilbur Soot hasn't been formally charged with any crimes. I'm skeptical of both him and Shubble's claims, and I could get into why, but it really doesn't matter. At the end of the day, they're both massive youtubers and my opinion on their public feud doesn't hold any real weight.

Yeah, on dis-misinfo I did act like an authority on DID. That was shitty, I've already gone into that in my big apology post.

Yeah, again, I do remember telling Prose they weren't real. I was in a severe derealization episode when they dmed me. I apologized to Prose privately, but as I'll get into later in the post, Prose decided to reopen this shit again too.

Yep again my original apology post in DECEMBER addressed Snowchester and the disagreement that ended the server and dis-misinfo.

Addressing Okami. I don't like Okami very much, and I didn't even when I was running my server with her as my co-mod. When I'd started talking about starting a server, she wanted to help, and I was already feeling pressured to stay friends with her because we were common enemies with another server. I felt pressured to let her co-mod even though I didn't trust her, because I didn't want her to accuse me of discriminating against her for her personality disorders like she'd accused another server of doing when she got banned for blowing up at their mods. Okami said multiple questionable things during my dis-misinfo server run, and I never fully agreed or sided with her in my mind. I felt pressured to side with her because she was my co-mod and all this built-up pressure already existed in our dynamic, but I really tried to convey to the other server members that I don't like Okami. I even spoke in VC a few times about wanting to ban or unmod her, but not knowing how to go about it without her reacting negatively. So I was stuck in this limbo with her. By the time my dis-misinfo apology post came out, I don't think I was speaking to any of the server members anymore, including Okami. I don't currently associate with Okami.

Again with the bait blog. I've already addressed this publically in my apology post. Most of these points validity-system has brought up are old drama from dis-misinfo, and it's mainly things I've already publically held myself accountable for via my apology post, or things that happened within the server or dms that I apologized for in private. The main thing that I never addressed was Okami, because I was in a pressuring dynamic with her at the time, and after I stopped associating with the other server members, I blocked Okami out of my mind entirely. I'd actually completely forgotten about her until validity-system said her name.

Summary of this section: So far there's no good reason for why these posts are being made. It's dis-misinfo shit that I've already addressed in December and made it clear I wanted to move forward from. My beliefs and opinions have entirely changed since then, and I've made a public apology that addressed everything the public was present for. There's not much else in that regard to 'hold me accountable' for when I already held myself accountable in December.

I made a post asking validity-system in particular to leave me alone. Some other blogs started noticing what was going on and I got some kind asks from people I respect a lot, which was immensely helpful for my mental state. The flood of posts about me was overwhelming and I couldn't begin to try addressing them when I felt like I was being suddenly attacked on all angles. I also made a post asking anyone with concerns to message me privately, because I didn't want to encourage the micahverse posting by continuing to publically acknowledge it on this blog.

Then I saw rat's list of gripes, which included some outright lies and VERY serious accusations. I made a post addressing it because I was terrified people would see his post and run with it, despite the fact he didn't include any evidence for any of his claims. And yes, I know, the old server is deleted so you all can't get screenshots. But you still can't make accusations this serious without evidence. That's fucked up. ESPECIALLY when they're false. Rat reblogged my post combatting the accusations, but it didn't say anything substantial backing his side. All of that is visible in the link at the top of this paragraph, I won't rehash what I already said in that post.

So, like, to recap. I ran a shitty anti-endo blog, a bait blog, and a server a few months ago. I deleted all of them after a semantics argument got wildly out of hand and I was in the middle of a severe episode. I came back in December, apologizing for all of that mess. Now, the micahverse tag starts with multiple people (mainly ratinacoat and validity-system) bringing up dissociative-misinfo shit I've already addressed and apologized for, and generally being assholes towards me. It quickly spirals into rat straight-up lying about me. It gets worse.

I go to sleep. I wake up to some supportive posts from other syscourse blogs, and a few new kind asks. That was really nice, and again really helped me feel better about the situation. It didn't feel as much like the whole world was against me, at least.

The micahverse's newest argument was people claiming that I 'flip-flop' and change my syscourse stances constantly for attention. A lot of posters were assuming I'm a snake whose out for attention. Particularly, syscoursers were honing in on my change from anti to pro endo. Key note here, I've changed my endocourse stance TWICE. Ever. In all 3 years I've known I'm a system, my endocourse stance has changed twice. I started out as pro-endo in 2021, I became anti-endo in 2022, and I became pro-endo again sometime around December 2024. So, honestly, this whole bit of the micahverse is fucking stupid. People saw "micah changes his stances a lot!" and ran with it, despite not knowing how often my stances my changed or WHY they changed, and it ballooned into some people genuinely thinking I'm flip flopping every other day when I'm really not.

Brief interlude to mention that at some point during all this, I was spam @ in posts saying "hawk tuah" and tagged micahverse. Real mature, guys. Way to handle what you consider a serious situation seriously. Anyway.

Prose's first post. I already have a headache, but onwards I type. I'm not keen on reiterating how unproductive and pointless it is to bring up dis-misinfo gripes again, so I'll be addressing bits and pieces of this and jumping around.

Prose mentions that they mistakenly saw me as an older diagnosed person actively in treatment. I am none of those things and I never claimed to be. Me and Prose actually discussed this privately, MONTHS AGO, where I explained that I had no idea they saw me in such an incorrect light and I couldn't have possibly known that until they told me. I never lied about my age, diagnosis status, or treatment status. Prose made assumptions about me and blamed me when those assumptions weren't accurate.

The trans discourse bit. Oh my god stab me at this point. This is exhausting. Some of the shit being yapped about in trans discourse right now IS very oppression olympics when it comes to which trans people are "the most" oppressed. It's not a competition, we're all crossdressing groomers under the eyes of the law and state. Also the discussion Prose is referencing I believe was about the slur tranny. There were people arguing that only transfeminine people can say it? And not transmasculine people? Stupid ass discourse, I'm a trans person, I can say tranny when referring to my damn self.

Prose claims I pass very well. Uhm. Where the hell did you get that idea, lmao? I don't pass very well. I look fairly boyish, but despite my best efforts I am consistantly gendered and seen as female by everyone in real life who isn't one of my friends aware of my gender identity. But sure, go off I guess. I also never claimed that my oppression is because I "pass as a man and women are scared of men." I'm oppressed because I'm visibly queer and seen as female, so I experience misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia. I'm not seen as a man, I'm seen as a faggy woman who wants to be a boy.

Prose talks about how they also ran a bait blog that interacted with Snowchester, but they deleted it after a few days because it made them feel icky. That's valid. However it doesn't hold relevance to me? The way they phrase it is acting as though I forced them to make a bait blog. That was never the case. In the server, the channel where we talked about the bait blogs was locked behind an opt in role, specifically so people uncomfy with the concept didn't have to see or participate. Prose chose to participate and regretted it, and that's fine. But it's not my fault that they chose to participate?? They said they felt like making a bait blog would gain my approval, but I didn't even know Prose was vying for my approval until AFTER this all blew up and I discussed things with them privately. They were silently treating me like some sort of appraised figure that I never claimed to be, and then got mad at me for not reading their mind and knowing how they personally viewed me.

The "stalking and spam liking" was me making a new blog the day after deleting dis-misinfo and friending some of the server members back because I didn't think the big deletion was a big deal and I was lowkey still episodic, so I thought it was perfectly rational for me to follow everyone back and like a few of their posts. Like, the SAME day I think, I got a dm from one of the server members saying I was making everyone uncomfortable with the likes and follows, so I stopped. The "stalking" was one day of interacting with people I, at that moment, still believed I was friends with.

After I came back as publically pro endo, I believe on micah-nicholas (so post-apology), Prose made a vaguepost warning the endogenic community of people whose endocourse stance changed quickly and radically. It was about me, and I sent them a single dm asking if it was about me. They never replied, and I never dmed them again.

And now, zain-syscourse. I wasn't intentionally interacting with people like rat and august because of my prior association to them, I was just in the syscourse tag and so were they. My alter Zain interacted with like, everyone in the syscourse tag, because he was running a syscourse blog. He was putting aside our histories and interacting without prior bias, just from a pro endo viewpoint. All of my interactions with Prose's friend group after my apology post were a result of those people being active syscoursers at the same time as I was, not out of targetted malice or stalking.

"It made me feel like my privacy was being invaded" for... for me to interact with public syscourse posts YOU weren't even making? I haven't interacted with Prose since my single dm back on micah-nicholas where I asked if their vaguepost was about me, and I find out now that it WAS about me. I genuinely don't understand what you mean with this one.

I don't want to be your friend. I have no intentions of befriending any of the people I used to be in that deleted server with. We are on opposite sides of syscourse stances, and I have SO many gripes with all of you after this entire micahverse situation that would prevent us from being friends again.

Prose made two more longposts about me after this, mostly just ranting about how they can't trust me and are paranoid about me "stalking" them. In the past like 2 months since we stopped being friends, I've only ever interacted with Prose when they made a vaguepost about me. So they quite literally talked about me, and got mad that I addressed the fact they're talking about me. That's not stalking, that's a response to shit that's very clearly about me. If you don't want me to talk to you anymore, stop posting about me. I literally don't care about you one way or another outside of your posts discussing me.

ANYWAY. I said I'd briefly mention the Dia situation. Dia or solxxrsys had a public manic episode/mental breakdown in the syscourse tags, posted a death threat, self-harm baited directly on my blog, and sui-baited before deactivating. I was on zain-syscourse at this point, and I was responding to Dia's posts in a fairly calm manner up until Dia started self-harm baiting at me and that triggered me. Still, I didn't say anything much ruder than calling Dia an asshole. After Dia deactivated, it was found out that Dia got hospitalized, and I was immediately blamed. People were acting like I drove Dia to suicide with my posts, which honest to god weren't saying anything particularly mean.

Interlude over, back to the micahverse. Chips-in-a-bag fakeclaimed me. This is the longest fucking tumblr post ever but there's a lot to address and I don't want to make any more fucking posts after this if I don't ABSOLUTELY have to. So, chips in a bag. I already actually responded in the comments, but I'll add screenshots of my comment in this post in case they get deleted later, to be safe. This was just. rude. to be honest. Like, why?

FINALLY the conclusion: This was all fucking stupid and a thinly veiled excuse to bully and harass me. The majority of the complaints are for things I said and did when I was dissociative-misinfo, which I've already made a comprehensive apology for 2 months ago, as well as the private apologies I sent out at the time. The few things mentioned that weren't already handled in December, I have now addressed, like Okami. After bringing up dead dis-misinfo gripes got old, people like ratinacoat started fucking lying about me and accusing me of serious crimes like animal abuse with zero evidence or reasoning. That's when i started really getting pissed, because what the hell? And now, I get my systemhood questioned on top of all of that, coz like why the fuck not.

If the goal was holding me accountable for my fuck-ups, you didn't do that. There was nothing left to do. I held MYSELF accountable 2 months ago when I made my big public apology post and outed all of the shitty opinions and behaviors I no longer stand behind. In the past 2 months, I've CHANGED. I'm pro endo, I don't police other systems anymore, I don't post to syscringe and I don't condone bait blogs. All the behaviors you have issues with are behaviors I DON'T DO ANYMORE AND HAVE ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR BOTH PUBLICALLY AND PRIVATELY. So, this has all ended up just being a micah hate train and an excuse for extreme anti endos to clown on me.

It was honestly clear what this was from the first time I saw #micahverse. Turning my name, not even my username but my actual name, into a "universe" tag and treating me like a character you're all discoursing on. I'm a person, man. I'm not a syscourse topic, I'm an 18 year old with multiple severe mental disorders whose trying to move forward from my mistakes and grow. Whose just trying to exist on sysblr and post about my personal system stuff and whatnot. I'm not bothering anybody, I don't even syscourse anymore. What else do you guys want from me?

Genuinely. What more do you guys want. I've apologized and changed, you're trying to hold me accountable for shit I don't do or support anymore, shit I've already publically acknowledged I don't do or support anymore. Anything else brought up I've now addressed in this long ass post. Can it be over now? Can I be left alone now? Can I just exist on tumblr now? Or is nothing enough?

Signed, Micah.

#syscourse #micahverse #pro endo

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