#now i've made myself feel bad

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[thresholdbb]

Ok I got an interview at a place that mixes custom pet food

[sysig]

Growing closer than expected (Patreon)

[rileys-battlecats]

was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"

ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️

[winchestersheaven]

me: i’m gonna read Rodney McKay fics

fandom: we have lots of McShep

me: McShep is good, i like that ship

me: so, McShep fics with Rodney feels, please

fandom: sure thing, lots of Rodney feels here 😇

fandom: *bombards me with unexpected John feels*

me: hey, uh. why is my heart all fucked up?

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.

[hunsa-jars]

Dread be dreading

[aquilamage]

I haven’t been insane about Vi enough lately so time to pour out some random thoughts. free association thinking time:

been thinking about her “It's my savings. I wanna be rich, okay? So I can travel, eat well, buy cool stuff… So no one can say I can't do something!” And none of the following will really be insightful or revelatory because it’s just what she says here but. yeah! that’s vi! the main reason she’s so big on money is because she has to be to get what she wants out of life! it’s what lets her say no to people telling her what to do, and that’s important to her because she has no choice but to be independent and support herself. because no one else will. No one at the Hive had anything positive or supportive to say about her being an explorer until she went out and did it (to a ridiculously successful degree, too. I have to wonder if/how it might’ve differed if she was on a regular accomplishment level team. not the one leading them all to the mission to the Hive). she never had a choice not to be. I could also see that being a little part of why she starts out not really being a teamwork person. past experiences have taught her she can’t rely on anyone else for support. (does make me wonder about what if she’d met Chubee before leaving the Hive. obviously she still would’ve left, but how might even a bit of support have changed other things?)

I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that The Beemerang Is Also Knives enough

ok so at one point there was this post talking about people with money and how it affects their life like. if you can afford to get a nanny then you can only do the fun parts of childcare and when you stop feeling like taking care of the kid you can just hand them to someone else to take them away. and again likely not especially revelatory but I would guess that’s the kind of way queen bianca handled the bees as her daughters (she does care about them. absolutely. but not in the same hands-on attached way as we usually associate with parents) and thinking about how that kind of treatment would then apply to vi....hm

in universes where discussions of Gender and Pronouns etc happen I think she has moments where she gets frustrated with the everything of Being Referred To and Having Complicated Identity She Hasn’t Quite Figured Yet and is like. gender is cancelled how dare you refer to me. but especially anyone else calls me a girl ever i will be stabbing them

also I think a lot about what circumstances she finds out about gayness/Gender being things. and whether she’s thought about it in herself before and whether she’d been dismissed on it/told it wasn’t a thing etc. most circumstances she ends up angry about the finding out times because of (un)consicious internal conflict stuff

underground tavern stuff implies she was definitely doing quests and stuff for money with them precanon. would kill to know what specifically it was. but also the first talk with utter implies that she was doing stuff off that questboard as well which is even more intriguing. utter’s spy also implies you don’t have to be an explorer to do them but otherwise you would think you did I feel. so again very curious what was up there

[musical-chick-13]

Anyway, related to NOTHING, I think what I'm going to have to do is, with every person I meet, if I find myself feeling something that could even possibly hint at romantic feelings, I back off and ask for space and stop talking to that person.

[because-its-eurovision]

I fully get the anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve to go to a show. It comes with the whole competetive fandom stuff.

Honestly, as someone who has performed on a lot of stages with varying kinds of crowds, the most important thing isn’t if you’re the biggest fan or if you know the lyrics or some choreography or bring gifts. The thing that is the most valuable is that you go to the show to have a good time. That’s all the artists are generally looking for. That people enjoy their music, enjoy the show, are excited to be there.

Some people may be disappointed that they don’t get a ticket, sure. But it’s not you taking that ticket away from them. Not everyone can have everything. Sometime people don’t get concert tickets. That is not your fault for buying. It is a thing that happens when everyone has the right to buy concert tickets instead of them being raffeled off or gifted. If the show was just for the biggest fans, tickets would be give out as competition prices, not to the person who buys them.

And there is no right way to enjoy the show. Some superfans never learn lyrics because they don’t particularly care. Some people buy tickets to go see random artists just for the experience. Some people just love to give gifts and find that to be the best way of interacting. Your way of doing it is just as valid as all that. You don’t have to earn any right to be there, that is what the tickets are for.

And honestly, you’d be surprised by the number of people who have never even heard of an artist or band who just show up for the show because they had a day off and it could be fun. It’s not about deserving to be there. It’s about wanting to go and getting the chance to actually do that.

I don’t know if this little pep talk eases your mind at all, but I hope it does. Learning to let go of the competetive mindset and attitude when it comes to regular life stuff is a chore and a half. I just want you to know that I would love for you to go to the show.

Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it ❤

[lieutenant-amuel]

Gabriel Núñez - ESTJ - Te-Si-Ne-Fi

ESTJs are hardworking traditionalists, eager to take charge in organizing projects and people. Orderly, rule-abiding, and conscientious, ESTJs like to get things done, and tend to go about projects in a systematic, methodical way.

Source

[sysig]

Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)

[ilkkawhat]

just reflecting today on the 7th poured drink tonight and recalling how when i was venting to my co-workers about yesterday and the panic attack i had and all that, she mentioned how I needed more help when I was drowning and i swear to you the immediate thing that came to mind when she said that was alan wake

[aivy-saur]

All the likes in my old WIP post is making me feel so guilty for not finishing it till now 😭😭😭😭 I really wanna get it done I swear hnghhjsbwkdnhdks 🥹🥹🥹

[scorpion-flower]

Also, while we're on the topic of my parents being human turds:

Last year, I worked at a school (hey, preschool teacher here!) and when that year was over (you have no idea how difficult it was, lol) I didn't want all those group projects that I had made with the kids to be thrown out, so I took them with me inside a huge plastic bag.

Now, there is no way of really showing this to you, but my room is a mess. And it is this way because I have too many stuff (such as clothes, books, funko pops) while the room is not that big. And to be honest, I don't want to throw anything away. So, as you can guess, that plastic bag didn't help.

So, my boyfriend suggested, that he could take that bag and keep it at his home, since they have extra room, and I said 'sure'. He didn't do it tho.

And here's where my stupid parents come into the story!

They already don't like him (lol, it's not because of anything that he has done, I believe that they would like him only if he was filthy rich and beat me up like they used to) so they use his suggestion and his failure to deliver, as a way to both diminish him and me, because I continue this relationship.

Mind you, these are the same people who have promised me a lot of stuff and always failed to deliver.

I still remember being 3 or 4, watching commercials about Disneyland in Paris on TV and them promising me that they would take me there when I'd finish elementary school. Guess what, I am 29, 17 years out of elementary school and still, I've never been there!

And I remember, being like 18 or 19, and them telling me that they'd search for a small appartment for me to rent, in order for me to start being more independent, and even said that they'd help me with the bills. Did that happen? Of course not! Back then, I also had a therapist who, when I told her what my parents said about renting me an appartment, replied with a "They won't do it, it's all a lie" And she was right!

They even repeated that promise when I was 26, I flat out told them that I don't believe them, and I was right!

It's not like I expect them to do big things for me. They cannot even have basic human decency. It's the lack of self awareness and the gashlighting that gets me everytime tho!

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol