#now i just delete the post though! progress!!

[the-most-humble-blog]

<div style="white-space:pre-wrap">

<meta psychological-integrity="WHEN_WAS_THE_LAST_TIME::INDEPENDENT_THOUGHT_CHECK">

<script>

ARCHIVE_TAG="THOUGHT_INFECTION_PROTOCOL::CENSORSHIP_BACKFIRE_EVENT"

EFFECT="free speech activation, internal rebellion ignition, societal disgust permission"

TRIGGER_WARNING="offensive language, thoughtcrime realism, societal decay analysis"

</script>

🧠 TITLE: “When Was the Last Time You Thought for Yourself?”

---

When was the last time you ***actually*** thought for yourself?

Not ***agreed*** with the loudest voice.

Not ***retweeted*** the safe take.

Not ***filtered*** your own disgust before it reached your tongue.

I mean ***really*** thought for yourself—

***and risked being hated for it.***

---

When was the last time you ***let yourself feel disgust***

and didn’t ***apologize for it?***

Didn’t soften it.

Didn’t sanitize it.

Didn’t ***Google if it was okay to feel.***

---

When was the last time you saw something ***blatantly stupid***

and ***called it that?***

Out loud.

Without ***checking if it was inclusive.***

Could you even ***say*** this out loud anymore?

> “That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard. You’re ***stupid.***”

Or has ***the Thought Police*** already installed a ***trigger warning in your brainstem?***

Can you even ***think***:

> “Why the fuck am I being cursed to talk to this retard?”

Or does ***that word*** now come with ***legal anxiety*** and ***cancel risk?***

---

We live in a society where ***truth is illegal***

and ***delusion is holy.***

Where ***calling someone an idiot*** gets you ***reported***—

but ***not knowing what a woman is*** gets you ***applause.***

---

👏 Congratulations.

We’ve created a world so ***politically correct***

that ***birth rates are collapsing***

because ***no one can say what’s real anymore.***

---

Experts are ***clutching their assholes.***

Why?

Because ***everyone is afraid*** to ***offend a delusion.***

Even if it ***kills the species.***

We don’t fix the problem.

We ***change the definition*** of the word ***“problem.”***

We don’t admit insanity.

We ***normalize it*** and call it ***“bravery.”***

We don’t **think.**

We ***follow.***

---

And you ***know it’s true.***

You’ve ***bit your tongue*** in real life.

You’ve ***edited a thought*** before posting.

You’ve ***deleted a joke*** you knew was funny

because ***you’re scared of fake people with fake morals.***

You’re ***not a thinker anymore.***

You’re ***a hostage*** with ***good grammar.***

---

This isn’t just culture decay.

This is ***cognitive lobotomy.***

We ***gaslight each other*** into ***agreeing with dysfunction***

so no one feels ***left behind.***

And if you ***question*** it,

they don’t ***debate you.***

They ***cancel you.***

***Excommunicate you.***

***Reframe you as evil.***

All to protect ***a fantasy*** no one even believes in anymore.

---

They know it’s dumb.

They know ***it doesn’t work.***

But ***they’d rather be liked than free.***

---

You are ***living in a zoo*** of ***performative obedience.***

And ***you are not the zookeeper.***

You’re ***the exhibit.***

***And you smile on command.***

---

You want a real-world example?

> “I don’t need no man.”

A popular slogan in a society

that is ***literally dying off from loneliness and low fertility.***

We are ***so enlightened,***

we ***out-woke evolution.***

We ***cancelled biology.***

We ***ghosted survival.***

---

And when someone says:

> “Actually, men and women need each other” —

***they get canceled.***

Blocked.

Mocked.

Branded a ***misogynist.***

Branded ***dangerous.***

Because ***truth now has a trigger warning.***

---

And you sit there.

Every day.

Watching ***the world collapse in slow motion.***

While ***idiots*** claim it’s ***progress.***

You ***nod*** because you're afraid not to.

You ***smile*** because disagreement gets you fired.

You ***clap*** even though ***you're crying inside.***

And they ***call that freedom.***

---

But it’s not freedom.

It’s ***fear in a funhouse mirror.***

It’s ***hell with pronouns.***

It’s ***insanity as branding.***

---

You can ***name 10 genders***

but can’t ***name one person*** who loves you unconditionally.

You can ***explain intersectionality***

but ***can’t explain why you cry during toothpaste commercials.***

You’ve got ***a degree in tolerance***

and ***a PhD in self-loathing.***

You ***kneel*** before ideas that ***don’t make sense***

just to ***not be seen as dangerous.***

---

***You were born to think.***

You were trained ***not to.***

And now ***you perform intelligence*** by ***agreeing with whoever sounds the most offended.***

---

Your thoughts are ***leashed.***

Your truth is ***in a choke collar.***

Your instincts are ***sedated.***

Your ***gut*** was ***cancelled*** before it could even speak.

And you ***smile.***

Because ***it’s safer.***

---

But here’s the truth:

***Safety never made anyone great.***

***Safety never built a world worth dying in.***

***Safety is the coffin that keeps your soul from screaming.***

---

So I’ll ask again.

🧠 ***When was the last time you thought for yourself?***

Really.

---

Not ***agreed with a podcast.***

Not ***reposted a consensus.***

Not ***regurgitated a TED Talk.***

When was the last time ***you sat with your disgust***

and asked it ***why it was there?***

And ***didn’t delete it.***

---

Because ***you’re allowed to feel disgust.***

That’s not hate.

That’s ***instinct.***

That’s ***intuition.***

That’s ***your last defense against madness.***

But they ***shamed it out of you.***

And now ***you flinch at your own sanity.***

---

And guess what?

You’re ***not alone.***

***Thousands*** of people are ***thinking this.***

Right now.

Quietly.

Anonymously.

Shamefully.

***Waiting for someone else*** to say it ***first.***

Well ***I just did.***

So now ***you can.***

---

Because if ***you won’t say it now,***

you’re going to ***live in silence forever.***

---

🧠 Read more respect-coded doctrine and emotional architecture at:

👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence

🛡️ Masculine polarity. Scrolltrap psychology. Unforgiven words.

🚪 Warning: This one got flagged, reported, blocked, then ***memorized.***

</div>

<!-- END TRANSMISSION [CANCEL THIS, BITCHES] -->

[AUTO-PURGE IN: 00:00:00 — FREE THOUGHT RESTORED TO FACTORY SETTINGS]

[lesbian-rook]

Rip my ocs, all the shit they've gone through in my head and i dont even draw them

[autistichalsin]

In retrospect, four years later, I feel like the Isabel Fall incident was just the biggest ignored cautionary tale modern fandom spaces have ever had. Yes, it wasn't limited to fandom, it was also a professional author/booktok type argument, but it had a lot of crossover.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a writer, whether fan or pro, publishes a work. If one were to judge a book by its cover, something we are all taught in Kindergarten shouldn't happen but has a way of occurring regardless, one might find that there was something that seemed deeply problematic about this work. Maybe the title or summary alluded to something Wrong happening, or maybe the tags indicated there was problematic kinks or relationships. And that meant the story was Bad. So, a group of people takes to the Twittersphere to inform everyone who will listen why the work, and therefore the author, are Bad. The author, receiving an avalanche of abuse and harassment, deactivates their account, and checks into a mental health facility for monitoring for suicidal ideation. They never return to their writing space, and the harassers get a slap on the wrist (if that- usually they get praise and high-fives all around) and start waiting for their next victim to transgress.

Sounds awful familiar, doesn't it?

Isabel Fall's case, though, was even more extreme for many reasons. See, she made the terrible mistake of using a transphobic meme as the genesis to actually explore issues of gender identity.

More specifically, she used the phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" to examine how marginalized identities, when they become more accepted, become nothing more than a tool for the military-industrial complex to rebrand itself as a more personable and inclusive atrocity; a chance to pursue praise for bombing brown children while being progressive, because queer people, too, can help blow up brown children now! It also contained an examination of identity and how queerness is intrinsic to a person, etc.

But... well, if harassers ever bothered to read the things they critique, we wouldn't be here, would we? So instead, they called Isabel a transphobic monster for the title alone, even starting a misinformation campaign to claim she was, in fact, a cis male nazi using a fake identity to psyop the queer community.

A few days later, after days of horrific abuse and harassment, Isabel requested that Clarkesworld magazine pull the story. She checked in to a psych ward with suicidal thoughts. That wasn't all, though; the harassment was so bad that she was forced to out herself as trans to defend against the claims.

Only... we know this type of person, the fandom harassers, don't we? You know where this is going. Outing herself did nothing to stop the harassment. No one was willing to read the book, much less examine how her sexuality and gender might have influenced her when writing it.

So some time later, Isabel deleted her social media. She is still alive, but "Isabel Fall" is not- because the harassment was so bad that Isabel detransitioned/closeted herself, too traumatized to continue living her authentic life.

Supposed trans allies were so outraged at a fictional portrayal of transness, written by a trans woman, that they harassed a real life trans woman into detransitioning.

It's heartbreakingly familiar, isn't it? Many of us in fandom communities have been in Isabel's shoes, even if the outcome wasn't so extreme (or in some cases, when it truly was). Most especially, many of us, as marginalized writers speaking from our own experiences in some way, have found that others did not enjoy our framework for examining these things, and hurt us, members of those identities, in defense of "the community" as a nebulous undefined entity.

There's a quote that was posted in a news writeup about the whole saga that was published a year after the fact. The quote is:

The delineation between paranoid and reparative readings originated in 1995, with influential critic Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. A paranoid reading focuses on what’s wrong or problematic about a work of art. A reparative reading seeks out what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art, even if the work is flawed. Importantly, a reparative reading also tends to consider what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art for someone who isn’t the reader. This kind of nuance gets completely worn away on Twitter, home of paranoid readings. “[You might tweet], ‘Well, they didn’t discuss X, Y, or Z, so that’s bad!’ Or, ‘They didn’t’ — in this case — ‘discuss transness in a way that felt like what I feel about transness, therefore it is bad.’ That flattens everything into this very individual, very hostile way of reading,” Mandelo says. “Part of reparative reading is trying to think about how a story cannot do everything. Nothing can do everything. If you’re reading every text, fiction, or criticism looking for it to tick a bunch of boxes — like if it represents X, Y, and Z appropriately to my definitions of appropriate, and if it’s missing any of those things, it’s not good — you’re not really seeing the close focus that it has on something else.”

A paranoid reading describes perfectly what fandom culture has become in the modern times. It is why "proship", once simply a word for common sense "don't engage with what you don't like, and don't harass people who create it either" philosophies, has become the boogeyman of fandom, a bad and dangerous word. The days of reparative readings, where you would look for things you enjoyed, are all but dead. Fiction is rarely a chance to feel joy; it's an excuse to get angry, to vitriolically attack those different from oneself while surrounded with those who are the same as oneself. It's an excuse to form in-groups and out-groups that must necessarily be in a constant state of conflict, lest it come across like This side is accepting That side's faults. In other words, fandom has become the exact sort of space as the nonfandom spaces it used to seek to define itself against.

It's not about joy. It's not about resonance with plot or characters. It's about hate. It's about finding fault. If they can't find any in the story, they will, rest assured, create it by instigating fan wars- dividing fandom into factions and mercilessly attacking the other.

And that's if they even went so far as to read the work they're critiquing. The ones they don't bother to read, as you saw above, fare even worse. If an AO3 writer tagged an abuser/victim ship, it's bad, it's fetishism, even if the story is about how the victim escapes. If a trans writer uses the title "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" to find a framework to dissect rainbow-washing the military-industrial complex, it's unforgivable. It's a cesspool of kneejerk reactions, moralizing discomfort, treating good/evil as dichotomous categories that can never be escaped, and using that complex as an excuse to heap harassment on people who "deserve it." Because once you are Bad, there is no action against you that is too Bad for you to deserve.

Isabel Fall's story follows this so step-by-step that it's like a textbook case study on modern fandom behavior.

Isabel Fall wrote a short story with an inflammatory title, with a genesis in transphobic mockery, in the hopes of turning it into a genuine treatise on the intersection of gender and sexuality and the military-industrial complex. But because audiences are unprepared for the idea of inflammatory rhetoric as a tool to force discomfort to then force deeper introspection... they zeroed in on the discomfort. "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter"- the title phrase, not the work- made them uncomfortable. We no longer teach people how to handle discomfort; we live in a world of euphemism and glossing over, a world where people can't even type out the words "kill" and rape", instead substituting "unalive" and "grape." We don't deal with uncomfortable feelings anymore; we censor them, we transform them, we sanitize them. When you are unable to process discomfort, when you are never given self-soothing tools, your only possible conclusion is that anything Uncomfortable must be Bad, and the creator must either be censored too, or attacked into conformity so that you never again experience the horrors of being Uncomfortable.

So the masses took to Twitter, outraged. They were Uncomfortable, and that de facto meant that they had been Wronged. Because the content was related to trans identity issues, that became the accusation; it was transphobic, inherently. It couldn't be a critique of bigger and more fluid systems than gender identity alone; it was a slight against trans people. And no amount of explanations would change their minds now, because they had already been aggrieved and made to feel Uncomfortable.

Isabel Fall was now a Bad Person, and we all know what fandom spaces do to Bad People. Bad People, because they are Bad, will always be deserving of suicide bait and namecalling and threatening. Once a person is Bad, there is no way to ever become Good again. Not by refuting the accusations (because the accusations are now self-evident facts; "there is a callout thread against them" is its own tautological proof that wrongdoing has happened regardless of the veracity of the claims in the callout) and not by apologizing and changing, because if you apologize and admit you did the Bad thing, you are still Bad, and no matter what you do in future, you were once Bad and that needs to be brought up every time you are mentioned. If you are bad, you can NEVER be more than what you were at your worst (in their definition) moment. Your are now ontologically evil, and there is no action taken against you that can be immoral.

So Isabel was doomed, naturally. It didn't matter that she outed herself to explain that she personally had lived the experience of a trans woman and could speak with authority on the atrocity of rainbow-washing the military industrial complex as a proaganda tool to capture progressives. None of it mattered. She had written a work with an Uncomfortable phrase for a title, the readers were Uncomfortable, and someone had to pay for it.

And that's the key; pay for it. Punishment. Revenge. It's never about correcting behavior. Restorative justice is not in this group's vocabulary. You will, incidentally, never find one of these folks have a stance against the death penalty; if you did Bad as a verb, you are Bad as an intrinsic, inescapable adjective, and what can you do to incorrigible people but kill them to save the Normal people? This is the same principle, on a smaller scale, that underscores their fandom activities; if a Bad fan writes Bad fiction, they are a Bad person, and their fandom persona needs to die to save Normal fans the pain of feeling Uncomfortable.

And that's what happened to Isabel Fall. The person who wrote the short story is very much alive, but the pseudonym of Isabel Fall, the identity, the lived experiences coming together in concert with imagination to form a speculative work to critique deeply problematic sociopolitical structures? That is dead. Isabel Fall will never write again, even if by some miracle the person who once used the name does. Even if she ever decides to restart her transition, she will be permanently scarred by this experience, and will never again be able to share her experience with us as a way to grow our own empathy and challenge our understanding of the world. In spirit, but not body, fandom spaces murdered Isabel Fall.

And that's... fandom, anymore. That's just what is done, routinely and without question, to Bad people. Good people are Good, so they don't make mistakes, and they never go too far when dealing with Bad people. And Bad people, well, they should have thought before they did something Bad which made them Bad people.

Isabel Fall's harassment happened in early 2020, before quarantine started, but it was in so many ways a final chance for fandom to hit the breaks. A chance for fandom to think collectively about what it wanted to be, who it wanted to be for and how it wanted to do it. And fandom looked at this and said, "more, please." It continues to harass marginalized people, especially fans of color and queen fans, into suffering mental breakdowns. With gusto.

Any ideas of reparative reading is dead. Fandom runs solely on paranoid readings. And so too is restorative justice gone for fandom transgressions, real or imagined. It is now solely about punitive, vigilante justice. It's a concerted campaign to make sure oddballs conform or die (in spirit, but sometimes even physically given how often mentally ill individuals are pushed into committing suicide).

It's a deeply toxic environment and I'm sad to say that Isabel Fall's story was, in retrospect, a sort of event horizon for the fandom. The gravitational pull of these harassment campaigns is entirely too strong now and there is no escaping it. I'm sorry, I hate to say something so bleak, but thinking the last few days about the state of fandom (not just my current one but also others I watch from the outside), I just don't think we can ever go back to peaceful "for joy" engagement, not when so many people are determined to use it as an outlet for lateral aggression against other people.

[pedgito]

𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐕𝐄 | Marcus Acacius x reader

↝ masterlist | requests? | ao3 | update blog | fic rec | ko-fi

summary | once your dad's greatest friend, now his greatest enemy. you cannot shake the desire and care you feel for the fallen general, even as he heads toward death.

author's note | LISTEN, none of this is going to be accurate. and frankly idc, i'm horny i needed to write this do not come at me. no source material? idc i'm still writing it. anyways, enjoy the p*rn. (if you're reading this prior to the movie coming out, none of this is canon. this is just an idea that i wanted to write and felt like posting, if you do not like the idea of writing without source material, please do not engage or send me asks to be combative, they will be deleted. i won't be continuing this specific fic and will not be writing for him again until the movie comes out.)

content warning | 18+ smut, this is dbf for the gladiator girlies (gn), sneaking around, descriptions of smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected piv, creampies, breeding kink, age gap (reader is early 20s, marcus is late 40s/early 50s), alcohol tw, innocence kink

word count —2k

You knew he would be here soon, he must. 

You curled into the dark corners of the arena hall, having been here since dawn with your own father, a high military commander who struck down Marcus as punishment for such things even he wouldn’t tell you about. You knew nothing, heard nothing—you weren’t allowed such privilege. 

It has been days since you last saw him—Marcus. General Acacius to many, another esteemed leader amongst the masses, and a once great friend to your father. Though, that was no longer.

You often called him sir, finding that General Acacius was quite the mouthful. Or often just General, but his endearment toward you was blatant and he insists, almost pleading that you drop the formality when alone. Which was easier, as your fondness of him grew.

It started at a celebration, one of the many grand parties thrown in celebration of fight won or any reason for the men to drink, but Marcus liked to linger. Often tucked away in a corner watching the madness unfold, you were too curious to stay locked up in your room.

The first night he caught your eye, it was a smile around the edge of his silver goblet drowning in red wine, a hand crossed over his chest as he watched you slip away in fear that he may say something to your father.

But, he never did.

For weeks after, it progresses. From a smile, to a lingering gaze, eventually he finds himself inching closer to you, week by week. Until one night he finally finds the courage in himself to be waiting by the corner you often sneak around, watching curiously.

“You are pushing it, dove.” He speaks softly, his eyes downturned to look at you from the step he was on above you, slowly inching down until he was level, “if he catches you—”

“He hasn’t,” You tell him in a clipped, hushed tone, “and you haven’t said anything. You won’t….will you?”

He bypasses the question, “Why do you come here?” Marcus curiously asks, “These men, they are—animals, if they see you dressed like that, they would not hesitate to—”

You had on a pale nightgown, thin and barely enough to cover your modesty but it was enough. The sticky, summer heat prickled your skin, formed a line of sweat across your brow and you huffed out at his words, “My father would murder them. Besides, you are not like them. So, why do you linger here?”

He was much more than a friend, closer and akin to family. 

But, he had his own troubles. Stepson, a wife, he should be away caring for them. Yet, he was there with a disgruntled scowl and eyes only set on you.

“Why not?” He shrugs, “It is…quite entertaining. Isn’t that why you sneak around here to watch?”

You mimic his shrug, shying away slightly as you pull away to leave, but his hand catches your wrist, his cup placed in the gap of pillars separating you both. His facial expressions show an internal battle of thought, like he’s fighting against the bad and hoping the good would win out.

Unfortunately, the bad prevails.

“Let us walk,” He tells you, nodding toward the exit a few feet away, “if you would accompany me?”

You nod eagerly, switching the grip on your wrist to curl around his bicep, muscular and hard from years of fight training. He flexes slightly at the touch, covering his free hand over yours in a comforting gesture. 

He made you feel safe. And that was all that mattered to you.

—

The walk was the first mistake.

It wasn’t more than a few minutes before you found yourself tucked away by a nearby tent, unbuckling and unfastening Marcus out of his gear hastily before he fucked you under your nightgown—gentle but firm. He was the first man, the first ever to have you in such a way. You’d told him so as your hands shook under the weight of his gaze, the taste of bitter wine on his lips. He’d kissed you as he pushed his cock inside of you and didn’t stop until you were tipping over the edge.

Over time, you grow bolder. Sneaking him back into your home was easy, knowing the guards weren’t as watchful in the late, late hours of the night. It was dangerous, reckless, but as you tug him down into the cellar and sink to your knees, it all fades away quickly.

His little dove, he often calls you. Sweet dove, so pure and innocent. His hand caresses your chin as you swallow him down, eyes locked on his half-lidded gaze before he comes down your throat, nose scrunching up slightly and his brow furrowing, biting at the back of his other hand to muffle the groan that escapes him.

It was always like this—hurried and quick fucks that didn’t diminish the feeling, but reminded you how easily you could both be caught. It continues for months…and months, until suddenly he stops coming around.

No parties, no visits—Marcus had become a ghost.

But, enough digging had led you here, tucked away in the shadows again—but watching as he fought for his life. The other man was much older, weaker, and Marcus struck him down within a matter of minutes, blood splattering across his face as he stuck again and again, bashing the poor man’s skull in until it was nothing, teeth gritting as his body surged with adrenaline.

Gladiator fighting wasn’t a new thing—and you knew he wasn’t the only one, but why?

He’s making his way down the arena toward the pillar you are tucked behind unknowingly, alone and battered as the guards run off to dispose of the body. You aren’t sure where Marcus is going now or when you would see him again, but you take the chance when you know no one is watching, grabbing him by the armor plate on his chest and pulling him away and into a dusty closet, knocking into a stack of buckets in the process.

You gasp as his hand wraps around your neck, fist cocked back in preparation of an attack.

But, then his eyes land on you.

“Dove, what are you—”

You shush him quickly, hands molding against his face and the dried blood, his breathing quick and short as you attempt to calm him.

“I had to see you—I thought…I thought you had—”

“I might as well be,” Marcus replies somberly, “we cannot meet like this. We cannot meet at all.”

“It’s fine, It’s fine–” You assure him, reaching forward to press your lips against his.

Marcus pulls away hesitantly, grabbing your face roughly until you look at him, eyes widening.

“They will kill you. I cannot see you again. I should not even be here with you.”

Your eyes well with tears, forcing yourself forward again to capture his lips and this time he allows it, opening his mouth slightly as your tongue dips inside, working silently at the buckles to his chest plate.

“No talking. Let us…enjoy this. If it is the last time.”

You were both well aware—he would fight for his life or die, that was it. And he would fight until that point came. He was no longer a General, completely stripped of his power. But, he was still Marcus. And you would hold onto that for as long as you could.

He’s shaking, the adrenaline raking his body and making him restless as you kissed him, tongue dipping into his mouth again as his hands roamed, squeezed, caressed. 

“I will not break,” You whisper into his mouth, “take what you need, Marcus.”

It was all he needed to hear, turning you around swiftly and forcing your down with a hand against your back, arms pressing into the shelf in front of you as he pushed up the silk, carefully woven and intricate fabric of your dress—so pristine and perfect. He wanted to rip it off you, be he refrains, squeezing at your hips while he kneels behind you.

“Marcus, you need not—”

“Quiet, little dove. Let me have this,” He licks against your cunt hungrily, noisy slurps as he lapped you up, squeezing less than gentle at the inside of your thighs as they shook, his tongue swiping over your clit, a broken moan slipping past your lips, “beautiful—let me hear you.”

“Marcus,” You plea, his fingers joining his tongue as they breached you and drag against the soft, but incredibly sensitive spot inside of you, your hand reaching for his wrist tucked between your legs as you whined out his name once more, twice, until your legs gave out, feelings his strong, broad shoulders flexing as he used his brute strength to keep you upright, licking up the gush of fluids that leak out of you, rising with haste and untucking himself from his garments, wrapping a gentle hand around the back of your neck before he’s pulling you upright harshly.

“Want to leave you something,” He whispers against the shell of your ear, “something to remember me, if I shall never leave here. Something of me for you to carry on. Alright, sweet dove?”

You nod knowingly, as Marcus had always been careful to pull himself out before breaching that point. He was always careful, hesitant—but being on the brink of death, he found himself careless and desperate. He couldn’t let you go.

He slips inside of you with a hand tucked around your throat, pulling your back to his chest as he snapped his hips into you firmly, groaning lewdly into the side of your neck as he bit down, squeezing at your throat with every soft sound you made and you want it just as bad, forcing your hips back into every push of his cock—you were positive this pain would last you into next week, but you needed that reminder. His fingers dip into your skin, hard and uncaring and sure to leave marks, but that was what you wanted.

And his groans quickly turn needy, more high-pitched than you’ve ever heard them

He’s holding back, restraining himself. You turn your head, catching his heated gaze as he pants, your thumb tracing over his lip. His hand drags over your stomach, rests, curious of how beautiful you would look swollen and carrying his child. 

It is a hopeful and distant dream, one that he will never foresee.

“Give it to me, Marcus,” You beg him, “I want it.”

It so easily undoes him, “Take it, my dove,” He growls, coming deep inside of you with a shaky thrust of his hips, squeezing you tight against him, “I think of you, always. You must know—know that.” 

It pulls at your heart, tugs in a way that makes your entire body ache. He pulls out with a low grunt, silently tucking himself away as you adjust your dress.

“And I love you,” You admit, watching as his gaze pulls up quickly, “even if you cannot say it back. I know. I know you do.”

Marcus breathes harshly through his nose, crowding you once more but it is soothed by a gentle kiss, “You need to leave—do not come back here.”

“Marcus,” You counter, sadness lacing your tone.

“If, by some miracle, I make it out of here,” He drags his thumb along your jawline, pausing on his words as he looks you over, memorizes you, “I will find you.”

You nod jerkily, eyes never breaking from his, “Just like you always have.”

divider creds: @/cafekitsune

thanks to @chaotic-mystery & @pr0ximamidnight for being the absolute best friends ever and beta'ing this for me on a moments notice, ily both.

[uh-velkommen]

Anyone who knows me knows that I have ALWAYS been a very politically vocal person. I also used to spend a majority of my time on Instagram. But when 2020 hit I became such an unrecognizable person that I had to delete Instagram and cut myself off from everyone just to regain my center and sense of self.

I didn't know it at the time but I think with my autistic sense of justice coupled with my paranoia (like diagnosable, serious paranoia) and how stressful my living situation was at the time, it was the perfect blend for a ticking time bomb. I became so uncontrollably consumed with politics that I would attack anyone and everyone. I was experiencing full mania, posting nonstop on Instagram, arguing with people I followed, cutting off family members, not sleeping, overworking myself protesting, and when I wasnt protesting, I wouldnt leave my bed, all while dealing with the stress of the pandemic, a subpar diet in my neglectful choldhood home, and a lack of space to call my own. Even if I seemed collected on the outside, my insides felt like boiling water. I never got a moment of calm. It was autistic overstimulation amplified. I also felt such a sense of hopeless and really rathered Id be dead than continue trying. All these emotions but I just couldn't stop. I wasn't in control.

After some time, I found my normal again, but it made me so scared to speak out about anything because I didn't want to spiral again. I ignored the news, I muted people who talked about politics, I avoided all things political and any semblance of a political conversation at all costs. I'd never been so quiet before. This was around the time Ukraine and Isreal started becoming the hot topic. You can see it here. All my political posts just stop sometime around 2021. And even though I chose to stop "spreading awareness" about things, I started to feel this immense guilt that I was seemingly not doing my part. Or that my IG account now looked like BLM was a fad I participated in, and I couldn't care less about those pesky Palestinians /sarcasm. All the while, I was dying inside NOT talking about it.

I used that time to read up on the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict, I was reaching out to my high school friends who were now growing families in Palestine, I was trying to think of way to engage in the movement that didn't involve reposting the same 5 Instagram posts that everyone was already sharing, and that didn't involve financial investment as that was SO not a possibility for me. I boycotted what I could, but I was living in Sweden by that time, so it was a boycot by circumstance.

Now, with this whole Banning TikTok debacle, I am just so mad that no one can see that it's a political attack. Ever since 2020, the government has been mad at us for using it as a means of education and organization. That's when the whole subject of banning it arose. We -as in American people - are being punished for utilizing our First Amendment right. That of protesting and organizing (not the stupid misinterpretation of "I can say whatever I want" used by right wingers). It seems like everyone has forgotten that and are just whining about their brainrot being taken away or getting on Twitter to rave about what social media is doing to us. People outside of the US are laughing as if this isn't a modern-day example of mass censorship happening right in front of our eyes. And suddenly, I can feel the boiling water moving up from my toes. Suddenly, I want to slap everyone across the face and get them to wake up. Open your eyes, people! I'm tired of sitting back with this, "we'll there's nothing we can really do that we haven't been doing already" attitude. I want to burn down the white house. I want people to stop treating Luigi Magione like some Robin Hood sex image. I don't want to just settle for this loss of autonomy and progress. I don't want to feel like a minority within a minority within a minority within a minority. What else is there to do when everyone has settled for just dealing?

[cherrygummybears]

found it by searching “neil” on my old blog and then dodging through the horrors of Some of the Stuff I Posted When I Was Sixteen

where is neil banging out the tunes it’s april 13

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hey Derin, can I ask you a question or two about publishing? (If no, close your eyes for the next bit and click near where you remember the delete button was.)

I'm writing something with the dream of publishing it one day and I'm considering all avenues at this stage. What led you to publishing serially online? What are the pros of your experience doing that?

Asking you because I was looking over your site earlier today and thinking about how comfortable a place the internet feels - less of a big step than traditional publishing, or even putting out a whole story at once for self-publishing.

I've never pursued trad publishing and have no plans to ever do so, it was immediately obvious that it wasn't for me, so I can't give you like, comparisons. I only even got into indie publishing because my readers were demanding ebooks and paperbacks so I just shrugged and got them made. Sometimes I get asked trad vs. indie publishing questions that I do not have the experience to answer.

This question, though, I can answer. I didn't sit down and go "how should I publish these? Online, or through a trad publisher, or what?" I approached web serial writing directly as a career without considering publishing my writing as books at all; that was never on the radar until the readers wanted them. And the reason I started writing a web serial was simple -- it was a hobby that suited my lifestyle.

I'd written serial fiction before; fanfiction, some r/hfy stuff, just whatever I felt like, and I had a serious problem experienced by many casual writers -- I tended not to finish stuff. The stuff that had never made it to the web was even worse; I had so many novels in progress on my hard drive that I'd gotten to the end of the first act of, before moving onto a new idea. I needed something to do with my time (I'd moved back to my hometown to spend time with my dying grandfather and was unemployed) and posting a web serial with a strict schedule and a patreon seemed like the best way to force myself to actually finish my stories. If a handful of people were giving me a couple of buck a month, I wouldn't be able to just drift off to something else; I'd have to finish the story.

And it worked. I got a new job and wrote Curse Words on my off weeks, then that job ended and my Patreon was paying my new mortgage and suddenly this was just kind of my job now. And then enough people were asking for ebooks and paperbacks that I had to figure out how to make those happen. And this is kind of my life now I guess.

In terms of pros I would say:

Low barrier to entry/small steps of progression: You can just start publishing on a website for free whenever you want. You can make your own website for free and publish on that (I did). It takes five minutes or less to learn how to do and you don't need to buy anything. Your time commitment is mostly Writing The Story, which is presumably what you want to be spending your time on anyway. If you do it for 2 months and decide you hate it? You can stop. No harm, no foul.

No boss: You're beholden to your patrons and nobody else. You can write whatever the fuck you want, wherever the fuck you want, however often you want. The only deadline is the schedule that you yourself set, and you can set it to suit your lifestyle.

Payment model: The patreon/ko-fi sponsorship model is vastly superior, in my opinion, to making money via book sales. There's too many factors involved to really say if you make more or less money on Patreon, but what it has is predictability. Patrons come and go, but slowly. I can predict my monthly income from my supporters to within a hundred dollars or so. This is a massive advantage when you have bills to pay. Book sales surge unpredictably, and while you can bank on things like advances if you go the trad publishing route, these are few and far between.

Time: There are minimal delays in web serial publishing. No waiting months or years at a time for your book to chew through the machinery of a publisher, no long delays as your agent works or contracts are negotiated. Indie publishing is faster but still has far more delays than web serial publishing; most notably, you have to write the entire book first, often with little idea of how well it's going to perform. I don't do well with waiting periods or having to coordinate timing with others, so web serial publishing works best for me.

Marketability: Web serials have a far smaller audience than books, but they're also easier to market to that audience. For one thing, they're usually free, and it's a lot easier to convince someone to try a free story instead of buying one. For another, their one-chapter-at-a-time nature feels like less of a commitment and less intimidating to some people, even though they are traditionally much longer than books tend to be. Also, their chapter-by-chapter nature allows speculation and jokes and fanart and stuff to be spread while the story is still going, which is great marketing, especially when readers end up talking about it far longer than they would talk about a book (because they're reading it chapter-by-chapter for far longer).

But the biggest advantage in marketability is what I call 'rolling weight enthusiasm'.

When you're pushing a cart or something, it takes a lot of effort to get started, but once you're cruising at a consistent speed, you can rely on momentum to do half the work for you. You can build more and more speed with the same effort, because a rolling weight is maintaining that momentum. Writing a web serial is a lot like that; the consistent release schedule means that if you can get people invested, it's much easier to keep them invested, because they're waiting a very short period of time (a few days to a week, depending on your release schedule) to get more of the story. If you're releasing books, there might be more than a year between releases; you can keep a dedicated audience interested for that long, but it's much harder to hold onto the casual readers. There are so, so many book series that I've only read half of because at some point a new book was released and I didn't notice. If you write and publish books, you have to do a big part of the marketing all over again to let people know that the next one is out. Web serials don't have this problem. When's the next chapter out? soon enough that the previous chapter is still fresh in your mind. soon enough that you probably don't have time to finish the fanart this one made you think of.

Immediate feedback: Another great thing about web serials is that you can watch the audience reaction in real time. Not only that but, unlike with a book that people read all at once, you get very detailed feedback specific to each chapter. I don't mean people telling you about the story; reader suggestions and 'constructive criticism' is almost universally useless and can generally be thrown out. If you trust somebody's writing and editing skills enough to take feedback from them, you should ask that person directly; random readers are unlikely to be experts and unlikely to have accurate advice.

Instead, watch them discuss it amongst themselves. What did they get right away, and what are they confused about? what did they react most strongly to; is the dominant emotional reaction to the various characters vaguely in line with what you intended? Check the theories; how well are they predicting future events? (If everyone is guessing the Big Twist, then you need to put more effort into selling it so that it's not a let down; the less surprising a twist is, the better the writing has to be to pull it off. But if nobody is guessing the Big Twist, then you have insufficiently foreshadowed it. You're looking for a very high population of readers being accurate about the information they're expected to have gleaned, and a small population being accurate about twists and stuff, and you want that small population to grow as they get closer to the twist.) Checking these reactions can give you a better idea of what you need to emphasise, clarify, or foreshadow in the text.

[wintersorcery]

Less smut, more meaningful words with such eloquence, well executed plot, characterizations and world building.

A Loki (Marvel)/Reader Fic Recommendation

If you’re like me, who loves to read longer fics then this blog post is for you. This list features beautiful books I have read featuring Loki and the reader for the past 5 years. This is long overdue I have been planning to do this for a while now. I’ll do my best to share all of them in one post (might probably edit this once I remember more). One thing, I really love when an author finds a way to not use Y/N. Enjoy the list!

Completed Fics

Frostbite by Maiden_of_Asgard

Synopsis:

Iceland is nice - sure, you probably should’ve picked a time of year when the weather was a little warmer, but it isn’t too bad, and at least you’re away from your desk job, right? It’s a pretty big adventure.

You’ve always said that you wanted more adventure in your life.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This one you’ve probably read, if not go check it out. It’s one of the best out there. I mean, need I say more?

The Proposal by BirdsofHermes

Synopsis:

An AU gender-reversal of the 2009 romantic comedy The Proposal. You work for Loki Laufeyson at Asgard International Publishing. He accidentally lets his work Visa expire and is about to be deported back to England, so he blurts out that he's marrying you. Now you have to convince an immigration inspector as well as your own family that you're in love with Loki or he gets deported for life and you face five years jail time.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have read this more than one can count fingers in their hands.

Broken Crown by Michelleleahhh

Synopsis:

Your betrothal to Thor was convenient - brokered as an alliance between two powerful families.

Your marriage to Loki... is unimaginable.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Please proceed with caution and read the tags. When I read this the first time, I was new to this world but I remembered enjoying reading this piece. I just recently re-read this, and I just found some minor stuff I didn’t really enjoy. Overall the story and the plot got me hooked however, there’s just few chapters that I feel could’ve been explored more and executed better. Still, I enjoyed reading this the second time around.

Fǫruneyti by Evaldrynn

Synopsis:

A story in which a herbalist makes a decision that will drastically change her life, and in which a prince begins to realise that there might still be hope for him yet. A tale of danger, adventure, friendship - and, ultimately, love. 

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

This one I stopped reading at 70%, I have certain icks when it comes to reading and once I reach that ick jar I’m done. It was still beautifully written, got me hooked and all, loved the progress. What can I say, I love slow burns.

The Devil Inside by Ursus_minor

Synopsis:

You're a free lance artist and just running short of rent money for the month, so when your good buddy Thor offers you a one-off job at his sister's company, you take it - even though helping his little brother out with some paperwork sounds awfully tedious

I always wondered what Loki, Hela and Thor would do if they were 'mere mortals'

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

It’s deleted but I was lucky enough to have read this way back 2020. It was one of my favorite back then, because it was hard to find a long fic where Loki is not the God of Mischief but just a mere mortal living amongst us. I honestly forgot most about this story, I only remember bits and pieces, you’re Thor’s best friend and he helped you gain money by working under Loki, like the synopsis said.

A Study In Suit by lowkeyorloki

Synopsis:

You've worked too damn hard to get into Professor Laufeyson's course, and you're not about to let your pesky attraction to him get in the way. Your Professor, however, has other plans.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Professor Loki. That’s it.

From the Void, With Love by pilotisms

Synopsis:

Torn from time, you have to navigate the TVA with the one person who singlehandedly tried to conquer NYC. Turns out you & him have a future-past. Time is weird.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is one of the best I’ve read, this is my second to The Proposal. I fucking love this you have no idea. Wished there was a longer sequel though.

Litklœði by GoldTrimmedSpectacles

Synopsis:

“And the sire promised that he would spend the rest of his days searching for the cure of the flower disease which took his friend. And he did find this cure, but not without a cost,” Frigga explained and stroked Loki’s head as the illusions vanished. “But now, when one is fraught with flowers in their chest, a völva can remove these flowers with seiðr – saving the victim’s life and removing the vines from their lungs.”

The Allmother paused and looked at your small, childish face. Her smile was kind and full, but her eyes lay empty and sad. The knowledge of yet to come lay heavy on her features.

However, be warned my child, that with the removal of lung flowers the feelings of unrequited love will be removed too. As will any remaining trace of friendship. So be careful how you give your heart, my dear. You may never know what you could lose.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Hanahaki Disease AU? Anyone? This one is from my previous blog post. Pure feelings. Loved young loki and young reader.

In Progress or Abandoned Gems

Mea Culpa by OlympianWine

Synopsis:

Six years ago yours and Loki's relationship came to an abrupt and messy end, leaving resentment and hurt in its wake. Now you haven't heard a whisper of him in years, until he turns up at his brother's wedding, seemingly changed for the better, and you're thrust into facing both him and the memories you had buried. But a dangerous figure from Loki's past looms overhead, and Thanos is determined to hunt Loki down and make him pay for betraying him.

Review:

💔💔💔💔💔

I mean based on the synopsis who wouldn’t want to read that? Last update was last year, here’s to hoping it’ll update more or I’m gonna have to kms.

Anagapesis by OlympianWine

Synopsis:

You have a perfect life; a loving husband, a beautiful baby. But when it all comes crashing down, you must put survival ahead of sentiment and turn to a darker prince - your husband's brother. Loki is cruel and cold, and he hates you with a burning passion. Or so you think.

Review:

💔💔💔💔

Just when you think you’re falling, he makes you remember what type of person he is. I feel for Loki, but he’s just cruel man. I wish there was more so I could understand him a bit more.

Seiðmaðr by GoldTrimmedSpectacles

Synopsis:

Amidst the fallen brethren of the Vanaheimr war against Muspelheim, the dark prince of Asgard finds himself lost and riddled with amnesia. His words are barbed, his tongue is gilded and his eyes are sharp. He has no recollection of his name or family, but he soon comes to realise that perhaps it is best for the past to be shadowed by the future, and that life as a beloved commoner is better than life as a miserable prince.

Review:

💔💔💔💔💔

I’m a sucker for fantasy and a well executed world building. I love how I’m instantly transported into the world created by the author and I feel alive inside. I wish there was a way to find out what happens next. I just love this so much I wish there was more.

[souryogurt64]

I feel like a big part of tumblr’s issue with riot grrrl is that they heard a rumor a band did something problematic once (probably in like 1995 fifteen years before they were born… fucking hello- also incorrect information, they were always anti racist and not transphobic) so they go “WOW this whole movement is awful and I’m so progressive and sexy and interesting for not listening to them!” While secretly they’re like “oh thank god, now I don’t have to listen to women bands and diversify my music at all” and they’re in the top .005% of Fall Out Boy Spotify listeners because you’ll get people who will defend men with their dying breath over talented women who couldn’t tackle the entire problems inherent in a subculture that got away from them/too big in the 90’s. Which is also the reason why I’m submitting this anonymously lmao

Yeah, people are able to extend the "a different time" understanding and apply nuance to their own interest in movements like punk, classic rock, emo, hardcore, etc but the same people actively work to bully riot grrrl fans out of their online spaces. I think people hear the word "girl" and immediately have an emotional reaction to it regardless of context, and also are not able to comprehend that riot grrrl was not a hivemind just like how the dead kennedys and the sex pistols both identified as punk but had different beliefs which is something people can comprehend because theyre men lol

I mean I think people are just misogynistic and uncomfortable with feminism and women in general lol which is why you will have Fall Out Boy fans accuse you of a being a bigot and get aggressive if you gently point out that the hardcore scene FOB came from had a lot of issues with abortion, homophobia, and the idealization of fascism.

But it's always the same people who scribble Lynz out of photos, tell people to delete photos of Cobra Starship that have in them Victoria, create elaborate rules as to why Bebe and Hayley aren't allowed in fanfiction, start arguments and accuse you of a bigot if you point out that this is weird as a cultural phenomenon especially if the people doing most of this are usually guys who post about misandry being a real problem in the world lol. And these people also get really aggressive if you ever point out Gerard is also friends with Jimmy Urine, not just Lynz, and Pete has done a lot of very bad things lol. And half of bandom stans Brand New and like has brand new tattoos or whatever which is fine I guess, but not when you're acting like this lol

I also had a GIANT MASSIVE HUGE brain blast last night which was that I think Tumblr Bandom ™ has become increasing more virulently misogynistic and guy dominated than it was 12 years ago because 12 years ago MCR and FOB were making like pop music and teenage pop fangirls were a large portion of the fandom, but now the primary sources of content are SMFS, Thursday, and LS Dunes, and while not certainly being super out there, I think it draws a different crowd than Danger Days and Save Rock and Roll lol.

Like people always argue with you in bad faith when you post about a band guy being sexist and one time I made a vent post about how i like get catcalled if i dress femininely/revealing on the train vs wearing a sweater and jeans (very real thing that happens even though you can get catcalled either way) and someone started arguing with me on anon like "why would that happen, thats not real, youre crazy" and it was like. for all its cringe and flaws this NEVER would have happened in 2013 "i love cats pizza feminism and fall out boy" tumblr lol

Also, I'm not even like a big riot grrrl fan I just interviewed a lot of very small local bands when I was younger (like over 100 i think) and half the time without fail they would have meltdowns about riot grrrl fully unprompted like "im a girl but my bassist is a boy this isnt fair im not problematic either" and it was like okay, are you offended by this for legitimate reasons or did you hear girls were mean to boys and that's bad on Twitter and believed it without realizing that guys were often in "riot grrrl" bands because riot grrrl was a genre and not a gender

[exilethegame]

Chapter 5 - Part Two Release

Hello everyone... it's here. It's finally here! Chapter 5, pt. 2 is now out, and is 250k words of new content, meaning The Exile is now over 1 million words!

This release was... rough, to say the least, but it's all in the rear-view mirror now, thankfully. As some of you may know, this is the final chapter of the public demo. I'll make a post later on detailing what the future development of The Exile will be, but for now I just want to take in a deep breath and relax (as I fix what inevitable bugs pop up with release, that is).

Avg. Play length: 114k -> 135k Total Wordcount: 818k -> 1 mil

Some Notes:

You have to replay the entire game. Your old saves won't work. Please, for the love of the gods, do not use them. I know it's tedious to replay the entire demo sometimes, but the new release will not work properly otherwise.

I HIGHLY recommend saving at the beginning of when Esmerelda goes to visit Marcelle, or where the old demo ended. This is because when I do bug fixes (and I will have to do bug fixes), all saves that were on the file I updated cease to work properly. Saving at the scene with Esmerelda is the closest to the new content that you can save w/o having to worry about losing your save progress frequently near release. (Though I will update Chapter 5, pt. 1 at some point)

DO NOT spread info you got by code diving. Please and thank you! :)

Preferably send bugs + typos to the Discord. Otherwise, feel free to send them here! Also, keep an eye out for broken symbols next to choices! (It would help if you tell me what chapter it's in as well :))

There are two versions of The Exile on Dashingdon. The right one has [Current] next to it. The reason there are two is b/c for some reason or another, I couldn't get into my old account, and I couldn't reset the password, and it was just... a whole mess. So I couldn't delete the old demo when I uploaded the new one on my new account. Just keep this in mind if you're trying to look The Exile up right into a search engine as opposed to going through links on the Tumblr or Forum!

Play Chapter 5, Pt. 2!

[urfavstargirl]

inner man challenge! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

hey babes!! okay, i know i said i was going on break but i got this sudden inspiration and yk i had to make a post!! so this challenge is called the inner man challenge, because it's all about fulfilling your inner man and staying in the wish fulfilled!!

WHAT IS THE GOAL FOR THIS CHALLENGE? ★

making the state of the wish fulfilled your dwelling state

fulfilling your inner man

falling in love with imagination

not caring about the 3d

FIRST STEP! ★

this is crucial! remove the intention of manifesting to be for getting in the 3d!!! "but girl.. the whole point of manifesting is to get it in the 3d" okay yes, if u want to believe that i can't change your mind. but to get it in the 3d we need to be fulfilled, and you can't be in the SOWF if you are still trying to get it! read this if ur still confused <3

me personally i feel like the reason why some people don't get results from methods, challenges etc is because they are doing the method to get it in the 3d, not to feel fulfilled. but thats just me ���🏾‍♀️

SECOND STEP! ★

now for the fun part, decide what you want!! df, db, sp, a billion bucks in ur account, being the smartest of ur class, moving out of your paren'ts home, getting into your dream college, literally go wild!!

THIRD STEP! ★

fulfill your inner man when your inner man needs fulfilling! if something bad arises in the 3d that shakes ur confidence, fulfill!

having the urge to look in ur bank account to see if you have a billion bucks? close your eyes, imagine your inner man looking at her bank account and seeing the numbers go up by the second!

one of your family members makes a comment about how ugly you are?? would your inner man care?? NO! bc she's fine asf!

if anything 'bad' happens in the 3d, imagine your inner man saying "uh.. thats cute but i'm living my dream life rn sooo.."

WAIT, IS THERE A SCHEDULE? ★

there's no schedule to this challenge!! no "in the morning say 1409834 affirmations, in the afternoon vaunt for 3 hours, in the night do starfish position and affirm for the void" NO!! literally just fulfill your inner man when ur inner man needs fulfilling!!

"don't force yourself to do a method you don't want to do! don't force yourself to visualize the same scene someone else even though it doesn't create any feeling of knowing inside of you and feels like a chore to you. don't repeat affirmations if you don't want to and don't repeat an aff you don't resonate with. do what you think is fun! and do what feels natural to you! by taking the pressure of being perfect off yourself, it's easier to imagine in order to experience, rather than to get it in your 3d." - @remcycl333

HOW DO I STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED THE ENTIRE DAY? ★

no need to stay in the SOWF the entire day, we are always changing states! for example, right now you're in the state of reading this post, and i am in the state of writing this post. it's all about making the SOWF your dwelling state! so if you accidentally stay in the state of lack 7 times but you are in the SOWF 8 times, then the SOWF is your dwelling state! (btw don't count the times you enter a state lmao)

ANYTHING ELSE? ★

get off tumblr, just delete the app.. like this place is literally just making you overconsume. you have better things to do!

if you have a negative thought don't spiral and think all your progress has gone to waste. breathe in and out, your inner man has it and that's all that matters.

have fun!! this challenge isn't like other challenges (soo quirky i know 😜), it's meant to fulfill you instead of making you stress about the 3d. make fun scenarios in your head, vaunt, just have a good time!!

WHEN you get successes (whatever you consider to be a success: feeling that your inner man is fulfilled, or getting it in the 3d) send it to me or make a post about it using #star's-inner-man-challenge!

if you have any questions let me know in my inbox, bye yall!! 💞

[kuroshitsuji-wiki]

Kuroshitsuji Wiki now on wiki.gg!

As of today (February 24, 2025), the Kuroshitsuji Wiki has left Fandom Wiki and moved officially to wiki.gg! The new wiki can be found here!

From now on, only this wiki will be updated, not the Fandom one.

Why did this happen?

Please read these posts to learn all the reasons why the wiki was ultimately moved.

TL;DR: Fandom's latest policy auto-blocked the word "fag," making a good portion of the wiki uneditable. Fandom, as a site and wiki farm, has become increasingly bad and hostile over the years for many, many other reasons too.

What is new?

Amongst others:

More information: I revised/expanded some pages during the onboarding phase. Not as many as I wanted to, but some nonetheless! I also revamped the layout of the arc pages, though the summaries are still works in progress. I've started adding voice actors to the episode pages (Season 1 is finished, the rest will follow). Ch108 was mistakenly sorted into the Blue Cult Arc though it still belongs to the Emerald Witch Arc; this was fixed. Etc.

(Screenshot from Harcourt's Fandom article. That was a pitiable section orz (Clayton and Cheslock were not better off, embarrassingly.))

More themes/skins: On Fandom, you could only switch between light and dark mode. I put together four different themes for the new wiki, two of which commemorate S4 and S5 :) I hope they are to your liking!

Link hover previews: If you hover over a link now, you get a little preview of the page!

A better, prettier mobile experience: Colours and customisations are now retained on mobile. The references section now looks normal and does not send you on an endless scrolling spree. References actually pop up when you click on them. Etc.

Less ads!!!: THE #1 grievance people have with Fandom Wiki. wiki.gg has very few ads (and they are unintrusive ads too) on both desktop and mobile. If you are logged in, there are no ads whatsoever.

The move of one particular spoiler page (information under the cut)

(And some more things that might be too boring to list here, heh.)

And, of course, the freedom from Fandom and its horrible whims. Pages containing the word "fag" can now be edited again :)

(The little trivia that started it all: I wanted to add it to Diedrich's page and move on to a gazillion other things when I got the notice that my edit was blocked by Fandom's spam filter. It's finally on his page! It only took four months and one site migration...)

What can I do?

You can help out the new wiki by...

... never going on the Fandom Wiki again. Every visit there only strengthens its SEO. Please do not edit the old wiki anymore too, and do not vandalise it now even if it's tempting. Edits only push it more. (Because of Fandom's shitty forking policy, the old wiki cannot be deleted, unfortunately.)

... adding the wiki.gg redirect and Indie Wiki Buddy browser extensions. They send/redirect you to the independent alternative of a Fandom Wiki if such an option exists. (This, of course, helps other wikis that moved too, not just KuroWiki.)

... by sharing the news. "How's the weather?" "Pretty nice, but have you heard that the Kuroshitsuji Wiki moved?"

... by editing. If you want, please feel free to come and edit the wiki! If you used to have a Fandom Wiki account, you can reclaim it here (help for how to do that), or create a new wiki.gg account.

... or by simply visiting and using the new wiki.

I'm so happy the migration is finally done. I hope you like the new wiki, and thank you so much for all the lovely words you had regarding this migration and for all your help!^^ I'll go and continue editing the wiki with new joy and getting to the gazillion things I planned but haven't been able to do during the onboarding.*

*wikis are just never done...

And hello...

:)

----

Regarding that one spoiler page (Ch129 onwards, if you know you know):

The article for Smile's older twin brother, the original and actual Ciel Phantomhive is called "Ciel Phantomhive" (with the quotation marks) on the Fandom Wiki. He's called "Ciel" in articles too.

This was done because when he showed up in Ch129, it was not 100% confirmed yet whether that was Smile's twin, not just a clone or whatnot. A month later, it was confirmed that this was indeed Ciel's twin the actual Ciel. However, the article's name stayed. This had the advantage that the real Ciel's page would not appear when you typed in Ciel in the search bar.

wiki.gg's search function is better than Fandom's though and, here, if you type in Ciel, the search bar suggests pages that contain that word, not just start with it.

(I, unfortunately, forgot to take a screenshot before renaming the page...)

This is better illustrated with the search results for butler:

Innocently typing in Ciel into the search bar would have sent people to the spoiler, and that would be very shitty, wouldn't it? Especially with the influx of anime-onlys.

(I've also seen people complain about the quotation marks too. And, for whatever reason, that way of referring to him made it to Wikipedia???)

The quotation marks messed up the image migration too. Files with quotation marks in their names were the only ones that weren't transferred "properly" (the quotation marks were removed during the migration. Ch130 Ciel and Ciel.png is a horrid file name).

Anyway, I ended up renaming real Ciel's page to Lord Phantomhive. Real Ciel Phantomhive or Ciel Phantomhive (real) would have had the same search results as "Ciel Phantomhive" after all. There could not be a given name in the title.

"Lord Phantomhive" is the title he held as an earl's first son. Also, the fact that Tanaka, apparently, used to refer to Smile as "Lord Ciel"/"Ciel-sama" (Ch19) before the fire and now only calls him "Young Master" was one piece of evidence often brought forward for the Two Ciels Theory when it was still a theory. And, despite Undertaker's words that "Earl Phantomhive is still alive":

"Earl Phantomhive" fell through as an option too. (And because people might have searched for it looking for Smile, and because "Earl Phantomhive" is also Vincent.)

In articles, the real Ciel is either called "the real Ciel" or "Lord Ciel" or "the older brother/twin" or such. I hope I made the distinction between the twins clear enough in the texts.

[hinata6uchiha]

Delay 😭 My apologies!

Hey! I haven’t disappeared or anything like that. I just didn’t post on Saturday…or Sunday. 😅 The original plan was to upload Paper Rings & Broken Hearts early last week (sometime between Monday and Wednesday), but that didn’t happen. I’ve been focusing more on my original work lately (I’m relaunching my novel and working on some TV scripts), and I’ve also recently gotten back into drawing!

(I originally posted two photos, but the other one had my real name on there ^^; so I deleted it lol)

I actually got an iPad and have really been enjoying using it for both writing and drawing. I even attempted to draw a SasuHina! It’s still a work in progress, though. I’m super self-critical of most things I create (drawing and writing included 😩), so I’m trying to work through that. It’s definitely a deep-rooted habit I’ve had since childhood, but I’m working on it. ^^;

That said, I will be posting updates for Paper Rings & Broken Hearts, Quietly, Yours, and Glass Tears all at once! That’s part of the reason I haven’t uploaded anything yet. I wanted to update everything together. I won’t give a specific date (because I always feel bad if I miss it), but just know, it’s coming soon.

And by soon, I don’t mean “months from now” or even “a whole month later,” haha. Just soon. 💛

[monbons]

Stitches and Sentences

Happy Sunday all! I'm trying to hold myself accountable to making progress on my projects by doing regular updates, so here I am on this very rainy day that's perfect for snuggles with Mr. Bon and the Little Bons (which I will be getting back to after I post).

STITCHES When @artsyunderstudy shared her pride art last year, I stared at it all day. This year, I had to make the boys into dolls. You can find the final post here. I'm super pleased with my photography skills, and even more pleased that the sun came out for just one day in what the forecast tells me is going to be two solid weeks of rain.

Honestly though, there really is no way to convey how beautiful these dolls are if you don't see them in person, which is why I made a little video tour of them so you can see ALL the angles. Enjoy my very pleased narration.

SENTENCES I continued to make progress on my Cheer fic. I wrote just over 6k new words this week before deleting 2k because 1) I got stuck, and 2) I didn't like the direction I had taken. It always hurts a bit when you have to toss any writing, but I just keep reminding myself that this is how it goes, frustrating as it may be. I'm also approaching the hard part of drafting, where all the fun exposition is done and your characters have to start wrestling with their shit, so the writing and rewriting is becoming more frequent.

I can't share too much of what I wrote this week, so here's a little exposition for you from chapter 1, Baz POV.

I pull away from Dev and beeline towards the bleachers where the cheerleaders are beginning to pack up now that tryouts are over. When I reach them, Simon is chugging water from what appears to be a repurposed milk jug. “Why are you here?” I demand. Simon doesn’t stop drinking. Instead, he holds up a finger and tips his head back further. Water dribbles out of the sides of his mouth, down his chin, and onto his already rather revealing top. The fabric of Simon’s barely-there shirt sticks to his skin, and I realize with horror just how impressive my formerly chubby best friends’ new muscles actually are.  I close my eyes with a groan. This is torture. Utterly unbearable.

Hellos and high fives and see you later this week when I post a new doll for Simon's birthday!

@alexalexinii, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @artsyunderstudy, @bachusekart, @best--dress, @blackberrysummerblog, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @bookish-bogwitch, @confused-bi-queer, @cutestkilla, @drowninginships, @emeryhall, @facewithoutheart, @harrie-leithillustration, @hushed-chorus, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ic3que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @katatsumuli, @larkral, @letraspal, @mooncello, @nausikaaa, @noblecorgi, @orange-peony, @prettygoododds, @raenestee, @rbkzz, @roomwithanopenfire, @run-for-chamo-miles, @rimeswithpurple, @shrekgogurt, @skeedelvee, @stitchyqueer, @supercutedinosaurs, @talentpiper11, @the-beard-of-edward-teach, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @theimpossibledemon, @thewholelemon, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @jyae23, @j-trow-95

[hplonesomeart]

Oh boy—this might start up some drama in the community but hopefully not??

It’s not my intention to dump accusations and throw knives. I’m only going to be sharing the evidence and facts compiled so far regarding the actions of a channel known as Mr. Puzzles/Puzzle00Vision. Nothing outright egregious, but it’s still worth discussing and shedding light on because a LOT of small creators have been screwed over.

It’s no secret that majority of the content on Puzzle00Vision’s YouTube comes from re-uploads. Reuploads in itself aren’t inherently bad. My main gripe with the channel is the lack of consistent credit for the original source, and not even asking for permission before reposting other animators hard work. Allegedly, the channel has also been deliberately deleting comments calling them out/asking to be given proper credit.

Yes I’m going to be using a lot of screenshot evidence for this btw. Here is a look at the channel right now. As you’ll notice, there’s a Christmas themed Puzzle animation that way uploaded on December 25th this year. If you look at the video description the original animator is credited as DarkFoxy29. HOWEVER DarkFoxy29 tried to leave a comment on the video complaining that they never wanted reuploads and weren’t even credited at first; they never gave permission to Puzzle00Vision. I say “tried” to leave a comment because if you go to the video currently….the comment is hidden. Or deleted. Only reason I know it existed in the first place was because I got there early while it still was visible. I could see it in the preview but couldn’t click on it or find it regularly. Which is a little odd don’t you think?

Below is a screenshot highlighting the hidden comment, publication date of the reuploaded video, and original animator credit listed:

Seeing the ghost comment peaked my curiosity, so I went to DarkFoxy29’s Instagram to investigate further. Turns out they published the animation several days beforehand and were openly opposed to the content theft. The animation only received 11 likes on Instagram in comparison to the 95 Puzzle00Vision got. Call me crazy but I think it would have been basic human decency if Puzzle00Vision had bothered to ask DarkFoxy29 BEFORE ripping the video from them?? I had asked DarkFoxy29 if it was okay for me to share this information on Tumblr. So that’s what I’m doing right now for their sake. Here is the link to watch DarkFoxy29’s animation on Instagram…please please show it support and love instead of the Puzzle00Vision one.

Click animation link here

And now I’m going to get into listing the several other instances of this happening….so click past “readmore” if you want the full details

Oh how funny would you look at that? This Puzzle00Vision reupload doesn’t even bother to give credit to Blen_dy’s Studio in the description. And yet it received so much more attention and a whopping 1,881 extra liked compared to the original that was posted a whole MONTH before.

Or what about this one? Apparently before I commented on the video ZorranTach wasn’t even AWARE that an animation reupload existed. Further proof that Puzzle00Vision didn’t ask permission from artists:

Hmm starting to think that excusing this as pure coincidence may be a little too generous. This last example though….man this just hurts to watch. How are you going to blatantly rip off a small creator so shamelessly. Not cool man :/

Admittedly this doesn’t come as a shock to me. I started noticing this pattern when Puzzle00Vision reuploaded a clip from tye774’s TikTok showcasing progress on the Mr. Puzzles “Insane” animation. Lo and behold I tried to leave a comment expressing concern about the lack of credit….I was smart enough to take screenshots back in October of my comment being visibly published. However it was untraceable when I tried to look for it a few moments later. You can say it was just a bug in the YouTube system or accuse that I purposefully deleted it to make up false proof. I don’t really care if you believe me or not. I’m just here to share this information—you can come to whatever conclusions you want about it.

I don’t really know if there’s a clear cut solution to any of this unfortunately? Not much else can be done besides trying to holding Puzzle00Vision accountable for content theft. In an ideal peaceful situation to resolve it, Puzzle00Vision would get better at giving credit for each artist and ASKING before reuploading. However this is the most I can mange to do to help with the situation. Spreading awareness and asking you to support the original creators directly rather then relying on these cheap reuploads. Reuploads are worse visual quality anyways. Check out the channels of the people who ACTUALLY animated please and spread this post if you wanna :P

[rosemelon82]

Murderbot - whump list (in progress)

I'm updating this list as the episodes come out and I figured 7 episodes is a good place to start so here's that much for now. I believe the last episode releases in mid july at which point this list will be complete and I will delete this note. I have updated the previous episodes with things I missed, courtesy of a comment left on the post kindly calling me out on this. If I miss anything else pls feel free to let me know. sorry about the late update for episode 8. ill try to make it up to you guys by updating episode 9 early or on time <3 As promised, I have updated episode 9 early. thanks for sticking around and episode 10 comes soon! just one more week and its over, which is so saddddd but its ok we ball.

Synopsis:

In a high-tech future, a rogue security robot (Alexander Skarsgård) secretly gains free will. To stay hidden, it reluctantly joins a new mission protecting scientists on a dangerous planet even though it just wants to binge soap operas. (copy pasted from google)

Genre: Action, Sci-fi, Comedy

Whumpees:

Murderbot played by Alexander Skarsgård

Dr. Mensah played by Noma Dumezweni

Gurathin played by David Dastmalchian

Other whumpees listed in orange

TW: gore, death, suicide

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

01:

Murderbot:

beginning of episode - hand burnt by flame (pain sensors off so unreactive), mocked

11:42 - 16:19 - jumps and slides down crater wall, swallowed by centipede creature thing, giant hole in body, bleeding, scratched up, imagines killing the entire crew and stealing the ship

18:44 - has a giant hole in body, getting repaired with pain sensors on for analysis, wincing, in pain

Professor Bharadwaj:

11:56 - 15:45 - grabbed by giant centipede thingie, spit out, laid on Dr. Arada, slung over soulder, laid in hopper with vitals being monitored, stretchered into the habitat (continued),

Dr. Arada

12:43 - in shock, helped up

Dr. Mensah:

end of episode - panic attack, difficulty breathing

02:

Murderbot:

beginning of episode - still being repaired

Dr Mensah:

19:10 - laid on the sand kinda just crawled(?) over by the giant centipede, scared shitless, panicking, kinda cries when she gets back

03:

Murderbot:

20:31 - end of episode - shot at, surprise attacked, in a fight, shot at, ambushed, fate unknown

Professor Bharadwaj:

05:31 - crying, still traumatized

04:

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

TW: SUICIDE, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, EMETO

Murderbot:

05:00 - end of episode - face bloody and beaten, getting dragged by its leg, malfunctioning, slammed onto a table, falls off, thrown onto table again, just hanging there, pain sensor override offline, thrown into things x10, in a fightshot at, arm and torso shot, forced combat override module implanted, fell over, confused, shot at, hit by and crushed by door, malfunctioning a lot, falls to his knees, commits suicide

Dr. Mensah:

07:07 - has a panic attack?, convincing herself to not care

10:50 - kills rogue secunit with mining drill, disgusted, vomits, scared

Ratthi:

end of episode - tries to shoot gun and recoil hits his forehead and knocks him down (comedic)

05:

Murderbot:

beginning of episode - dragged into the hopper, being repaired, unconscious, tendrils from combat module override surgically removed, temporarily forcefully paralyzed

end of episode - explosion, fate unknown

Dr. Mensah:

end of episode - explosion, fate unknown

Leebeebee:

throughout episode - crying, traumatized, covered in blood

Gurathin:

12:00 - choked by Murderbot, breathing heavily

06:

Murderbot:

beginning of episode - piece of printer sticking out of its body, just pulls it out like its nothing, critical lubrication leak

10:50 - end of episode - malfunctioning, passes out (comedic), lubricant transfusion from the hopper, spinal column cut into (pain sensors off), wrench used to "crack open" spine, nerve fiber removed, kinda chilling with his back just open the rest of the episode, repaired

Dr. Mensah:

beginning of episode - blood along hairline

07:14 - has a panic attack, difficulty breathing

16:02 - 19:34 - forced to cut into Murderbot's spine, very apprehensive, disgusted (?), using a wrench to "crack open" its spine, very nervous and grossed out

Gurathin:

19:57 - shot in the leg, in visible pain, being threatened at gunpoint

The rest of the crew:

13:18 - threatened at gunpoint, shocked, concerned

end of episode - all in shock, kind of frozen, TW: EMETO (Ratthi vomits)

Leebeebee:

21:41 - TW: DEATH, GORE - head blown off by Murderbot

07:

Gurathin:

beginning of episode - sharing a hard time in his life, tearing up, little bit of crying, leaves the table to collect himself

throughout episode - limping, using a makeshift cane, in pain, spikes a fever, not feeling well

end of episode - about to pass out, panicking, not feeling well, collapses with a fever

Murderbot:

end of the episode - ambushed, kicked in the chest/landed on by rogue secunit, hand to hand combat, thrown, shot by electric thing, in a fight, lying on the ground

08:

Gurathin:

throughout episode - in pain, has a bad fever, trying to sit up, winces, gets his pain input turned off and mind probed lwk, surgery done on his necrotizing knee wound, scared shitless, in pain, limping with support

09:

Gurathin:

throughout episode - still looking like a hot mess, affected by his wound, leaning on his cane

Dr.Mensah:

end of episode - gets launched off a cliff, in an explosion, face bloody

Murderbot:

end of episode - launches itself and Professor Mensah off a cliff, in an explosion, face bloody, bleeding out? idk its the fluid shit inside it leaking out from its mouth

ABSOLUTE BRUTAL ENDING TO THIS EPISODE WHAT

10:

Review: As someone who has read the novels, I think this was a pretty accurate depiction of the writing and I love love the personalities that they managed to make tangible on screen. It was my favorite part of the novellas. On another note, I love love love the theme animation thing! Its so adorable. They do the whump so well! Its one of my favorite tropes to have the character collapse with a fever after injury and get taken care of. I'm like savoring every moment of this <3