#now i am sleeping at 4 but still waking at 8 jokes on me

[lylianrae]

A list of all the things I have manifested ⋆˚⟡˖ ࣪

We manifest everything in our lives btw - the good and the bad which is why I will be including both to prove that the law does not discriminate. If you can successfully become poor, you can most definately become rich with the same ease because everything is just a state.

Long hair

AHH this is one of my favourite manifestations. Ever since I was young I had a weird bob with a fringe (often crooked) and I wanted long hair like all the other girls (lmaoo) but my mum was strict so she didn't let me grow it out. Although I didn't know about manifestation back then, every new year and birthday I would wish for long hair and I would pretend I was a princess with butt long hair. Guess what, somewhere along the line, my mum let me grow it out and now I have butt length hair (don't really know what to do with it tho </3).

As all kids do, I went through an emo phase where I chopped off like half of my hair like 4 years ago. I literally grew back 7-8" of hair within a month because my parents got too mad. I knew about manifestation here so I just assumed my hair always grows unaturally fast. Same with when I cut bangs, they grew past my chin within a couple of weeks.

Manifesting my way into a private school

Honestly this just shows that you dont need 2430430 hours of working on your self concept to manifest. Literally so many celebs, including Marylin Monroe (the queen), manifested their fame with awful self concept. Likewise, here I was possibly going through the worst time of my life back then. I would wake up at 8 am and start studying and end at 11 pm despite being only 10 at the time. I was so freaking stressed and envious of all the other children and went into a depressive spiral where my two options were pass or die. I didn't even have enough practice and I cried my self to sleep on most nights. Anyways, when i did the exam I was deathly calm and even after the exam I was apparently so chill so my parents thought I failed.

I literally left 9 questions on one paper but throughout the summer, everytime I found a dandelion I would make a wish and imagine digging a tunnel to the examiners room where I secretly change my answers into the right ones (lmfao my tiny 10 yr old brain - idek how it worked). Anyways my results were sent back to me a month later on a random October evening and I got a really high mark. Even after 7 years of going to this school I havn't met anyone who has gotten a mark higher than mine.

Curly hair / straight hair

Sigh. We always want things we don't have. When I was younger I had really straight hair like 1A asian hair but when I was like 10, I really wanted curly hair and I would try to curl it often. After a few months, I manifested a curling iron and my hair literally became naturally curly like right after a wash it would curly af when before it was dead straight. Naturally I grew bored of it and I wanted my straight hair back and for ages I began overcomplicating the law and struggled to manifest it. It was only recently when I actually let go of the 3D that I manifested the silky, shiny straight hair.

Social life?

This is also a funny one, just shows how easily you can manifest. So back in 2021 after lockdown I felt so lonely and felt so left out of my friendship group so after a few months I began stressing myself out and spiraling for like 30 minutes, sobbing to myself about how I was so lonely and how nobody loved me (💀). Anyways it became reality, I found myself uncomfortable in many social situations and found myself becoming forgotten far more easily. I don't really remember the details but it was so bad that I think I accidently manifested social anxiety (oh well we still up tho).

However I am a loa girly so I found myself listening to popularity subliminals and slowly (but surely) my mindset change from having no friends to being the most popular girl in the year. Like no joke I became friends with like 3 people from different social circles so at lunchtime we had to join up like 3 different tables so we can all sit together. Overall I got myself 20+ close friends and even my ex friends began to admire me although it had ended badly. Even now, when someone says something thats untrue - for example saying that they are dumb when they are not, they would be like "ahaha so its like when Rae (me) says she has no friends, the whole school knows who Rae is".

Clear skin

This was sort of in the beginning of my loa (law of attraction back then) journey, I just randomly found out what subliminals were and was still quite new to everything. Now I don't even understand how it happened but I had busted some capillaries under my skin and it looked like small red viens under my skin and bro I was freaking out at the time. One night I was like just, I had enough, I'm going to get myself better skin and so I listened to a sub once for 3-4 days and on like the 4th day, my cheeks began to heat up which was odd and the next day it was 90% gone. Just like magikkkk.

Desired university?

Guys. Feeling is the secret. Don't you ever forgot that - not feeling as in emotions but rather the feeling of knowing. I had 2 entrance exams to do to apply for my universities and it was a stressful time where I wasn't getting enough sleep and wasn't eating enough simply because I didn't have the time. Like I come home from school and would have 3-4 hours of homework, then I need to revise for tests and then the remaining time would be spent on the entrance exams. Each past paper took 2 hours and I have around 13s per questions and I was already struggling on time. Anyways, I began to hate them and I would often complain to my mum saying things like "My score got even lower!!" or "I hate it so much" or "My head hurts / eyes hurt".

Guess what? Not only did I see my score decrease over time but I also made such a silly mistake on the most important entrance exam which I needed for 4/5 of my universities. I left a question and completely forgot to mark on the answer so when I finished the section I realised I had one more space on the sheet with like 10s to spare. I didn't have enough time to go back and fix it and lemme say that I did so badly in the test. Even while waiting for results I was just like "ah it would be a miracle if I scored above this bla bla".

I got the score back and it was so freaking bad like I did not stand a chance at my university at all. However, I started to affirm for a place and to my utter shock and surprise my desired university reached out and offered me an interview. I knew people who had like scores which were 50% better than mine and they still got rejected pre-interview. Anyways I began stressing about the interview and the results of the whole thing and boom. I got rejected 3 days after my birthday lmaoo. But its okay because I'm reapplying and I learnt so much more. I'm redoing the entrance exam and my score is a loooot better than it ever was last year.

A key take away would be thoughts are the result of the state you are in. Your dwelling state manifests and I was focusing on the unrealness and the difficultly of getting into this uni and thats what manifested. At the time I was heartbroken and literally went through the 7 stages of grief and spent so many months trying to revise it only for me to focus on the 3D. Just know that everything is done in imagination and it appears in the 3D as a result.

Photographic memory

So this is also something I had manifested before I actually knew about loa but the takeaway here is that manifestation is always instant. I was around 11 reading a random book on my tiny kindle and the book was on how to develop a good memory and I was like ah that'll be useful. Anyways later in the car, I asked my dad about photographic memory and he sort of explained it to me. I just assumed that I have that and I told him I do. He just laughed at me and said thats something that you have to train for and I was not impressed lmao. Inside my tiny brain, I was just like nope, I already have photographic memory and I dropped that thought. Let me tell you, my memory is actually photographic and has helped me out on so many occasions like my brain just takes pictures of things.

Learning fast

This is also something I did before I knew loa, I was just always wondering why the other kids couldn't grasp concepts as easily as I did. Literally in every lesson I would be like ah I learn so fast and now I am actually blessed with the ability to grasp complex subjects so fast. A favourite example of mine would be when I was obsessed with music but to take it to a higher level you need to be able to play an instrument. I couldn't at the time and my teacher told me the requirements a week before the actual deadline. I have never actually played piano with both hands but one day I sat down and worked through the entire song (fur elise by Beethoven) which is a grade 5 (I think) and it normally takes people months / weeks to learn. I learnt the whole thing in 3 days and from then on, I could play piano like I had been doing for ages. Again the memory thing was so helpful because I never actually used any sheet music, I learnt it off a youtube video and I remembered every single note I needed to play.

Hourglass body + 22" waist

This was a couple of years ago when I actually didn't understand loa. Anyways long story short, I would do a 3 minute workout and then flex infront of the mirror all day (💀) and be like omg I have abs. Overtime, I actually got so skinny everyone around me kept pointing it out to me and my mum got so concerned that she took me to the doctor like 4 times. It was so funny, I would loose like 2-3kg overnight and my parents would have to buy better fitting uniform.

Bigger boobs

This was also back in the day (2021?) when I didn't understand how to manifest things easily af. I had an A cup but I wanted better boobies and I listened to like 2 subs for a week and I went to a B cup. But I just assumed I have a bigger cup size recently and I just skipped C and went to D+ (haven't measured in a long time).

I'm not done but I'm tired now bye bye

[duoduotian]

it's so frustrating living with misophonia especially when the person that is causing the sound you hate, is aware you don't like hearing it and still do it. :) for me, i immensely dislike tv volume higher than usual range when no one is watching the tv. just turn it off it's not that hard lmaooo

[eccentricwritingbaby]

i miss you, i love you

daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

summary - danny gets back from the mexican gp and realizes just how badly he missed his wife and kids. that all leads to many questions about his future.

masterlist

quick author’s note! the kids are named because that's just easier for me but i do apologize if that’s annoying :/ oldest is joey (10) middle is austin (7) and youngest is delaney (4). 

-

the sun poured in through the curtains that were left just a bit too wide open last night, causing you to blink heavily and finally open your eyes.

the best part of your wake up was the lovely tattooed arm that lay across your stomach and the man whom it belonged to warm and comforting pressed up right against your back. daniel had arrived home only a day prior from the mexico gp; therefore, having him there in the morning made your smile grow so much wider as you stretched and began to wake up.

the sun was entirely still too bright for your fresh eyes, causing you to roll over and into the warmth of your husband. he caught on quick, wrapping his arm tightly around your back, tucking you into him further. 

“g’morning, love,” his voice scratches out into a mumble.

“morning, baby,” you mumble back to him.

daniel’s face tugs a small smile as he relishes being home with his family. as much as he loved the adrenaline pump in racing, the fans, the tracks, the travels and so on, he continuously is bogged down due to his family being unable to travel with him. his wandering thoughts are abruptly stopped as he feels his lovely wife begin her trail of morning kisses spread over his chest, neck, and now his graciously awaiting lips.

“mmh i missed this,” he hummed into the kiss you gave him. you smiled up at him while whispering a quick ‘so did i, baby’ against his lips.

you both had been together for so long and yet your spark was shining and sparkling bright as ever. daniel had joked before that it was because you both simply just lived in your own bubble, therefore there were no ‘exterior forces’ to get in the way. but everyone knew by just the way you looked at each other that you two were just in love, therefore your prosperity was inevitable.

you both were just simply enjoying each others presence and basking in the loving exchanges of kisses and cuddles the morning brought, “d’ya reckon the rascals are up?” daniel questions in between your light make out session.

him saying that led you to reach over his body towards his nightstand and tap his phone in order to check the time, “8 am? on a day off school? no way joey or austin would even be able to open their eyes at this time,” you joked about your two older boys. as you both laughed about your sons and their aggressive hostility towards mornings, the sweet little footsteps were beginning to draw near. daniel quickly shushed you when noticing the little outline of feet shadows peeking from underneath the crack of the door.

“princess? are you spying on mommy and daddy?” daniel called out towards said feet. you both then heard the loud echoing of giggles produced by your youngest as your husband made his way to the door. he quickly opened it and scooped her into his arms yelling out a ‘gotcha!’ making her giggle even louder.

you proceeded to get out of bed and head over to where your youngest was now reaching out for you, “hi lovebug, how did you sleep?” you ask her while taking her from your husband's arms and into your own.

“vewy good, mommy,” you and your husband smile at her little mispronunciation and continue to move out of your room and down the stairs. your daughter continues to cuddle into your arms before daniel is itching to get her back.

you always joked that he had separation anxiety from the children due to his persistence to be with them 24/7 whenever he was home. of course, you held sympathy for his situation and let him steal the kids whenever he could. the older two were beginning to be too ‘old’ and ‘cool’ to be with their dad as often but his precious youngest was still attached to his hip. she reached right out for him as he got her out of your grasp.

“miss me, laney?” he asks the young girl.

“of couwse, daddy!” she giggles out and he continues to kiss her all over her face.

“alright, alright both of you children, i need some breakfast orders,” you say with a chuckle as you squeeze behind the both of them in order to get behind your kitchen counter. 

on your way daniel gives you a playful swat to the bum, “oi, darling i can fix breakfast just give me a minute,” 

“don’t even think about it, dan,” you give him a small smile and drop your voice closer to a whisper so only your husband can hear your next line, “the kids have missed you way more than they care to admit, just spend all your time with them i can handle this stuff,”

daniel looks down at you and gives you a fast kiss before hearing another couple pairs of footsteps bellowing down the stairs and into the kitchen. “hello boys,” you smile as your two older sons approach their family. 

“hi momma, hi dad,” austin says through a yawn. austin - ever the mommas boy - then shuffles right over to you and begins to lean into you for a hug. you wrap your arms around him and gesture for joey to join as well to which he does.

daniel stands with his babygirl in his arms and admires the view of his wife and sons. he basks in the feeling of being home with his family, as he attempts to suppress the emotion in his gut of guilt in needing to leave again soon for the next race.

it was a struggle every time he had to leave, he wanted to head back to the days when the children were so young that you and him would bring them everywhere. his family was still together with him, although now it just felt lonely. he debated bringing them with, to hell with school, fuck an education - actually, well, no. they have to go to school, but still maybe a year off they would enjoy, its only middle school? he makes a quick mental note to bring it up later - there was no way he'd last the season without you and your kids by his side.

when he brings himself back to reality, delaney is wiggling out of his arms as the boys are helping you mix up some pancakes. you then let the boys help delaney mix all of the batter as you take a moment to drink in your husband's emotional state. throughout your many years of knowing him and loving him, you were always able to read him like a book.

sauntering over towards daniel, you slowly step in front of him, hands landing gently on his waist in order to bring his focus onto you, “what’s going on in that head of yours, handsome?”

“i really miss you guys when i’m away,” he sighs.

“we miss you too,” you push on gently. daniel rubs one hand over his face as his other leans over your shoulder and around your neck, pulling you closer.

“i’m just still debating if i made the right decision to get back into all of this, i mean lawson is doing really well maybe i should just-” 

“hey, hey, hey - none of that,” you interrupt, “dan we talked about all of this when you accepted the seat. you wanted to do this, you want to do this. racing is your life, if you have an opportunity to do it, you’re taking it and loving it,” 

“i know but i can’t help but feel like it would be so much better here with you and the kids,” he replies while his arm begins to slowly rub gentle circles on your shoulder.

you give his nose a small peck before sighing,”the kids and i have been talking briefly about homeschooling,” with that daniel’s eyes light up and a smile breaks out on his face, “baby don’t tease me,” he laughs. 

you softly turn around to your lively group of children before yelling out, “who here agreed they missed dad and wanted to homeschool for his season?” the kids all swiftly pick their heads up with crazed smiles and began a chorus of ‘i did!’ ‘me! me! me!’ ‘yes meee!’ while you just laughed and daniel stood with a tight grip on you and a beginning line of tears in his waterline.

he quickly shook off his emotions, picking you up and spinning you around while continuing to yell about bags being packed and calling the school to get his kids the hell outta there and with him to brazil. the house began to turn to chaos as all the kids were running around chanting and cheering about no school while daniel made his way over to you.

“now, mister, you know this cannot be a permanent thing. i really want to value some normalcy in our kids lives and education is very important along with their social health-” but your rant was quickly cut off by dan’s searing lips on yours.

“thank you,” he whispered. “always,” you whisper back, “y’know, i missed following you around too,” you giggled into the whisper.

“god, i love you. I love all of you guys so much,” daniel says back.

“trust me honey, we know,” you reassure him. and you did know, all of you. 

[teejaystumbles]

Against all odds (part 8)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7

(Whenever I put this on AO3 it will probably be all one chapter and the longest single chapter fic I've ever written lol) (continues straight after Part 7)

Shame the stranger won’t want to visit the White Horse again any time soon, he thinks as he changes into his sleep clothes. It’s still a decent pub even if Hob heard when he last visited that they want to tear the place down for new buildings. It’s a shame, truly. Hob likes the old Inn. It’s one of the few constants in his life, the most important right after his stranger.

He lies down with a sigh and stares at the ceiling, trying to recall how the place has changed through time. He falls asleep before he can reach the 15th century.

--

Hob dreams again of the White Horse. It is 1389 and he is sitting and drinking with his mates of old, joking about Death being stupid.

A man clad all in black with a face as white as the moon steps silently up to their table. Hob’s mates ask him who he is but the man stays silent and doesn’t acknowledge them, his pitch-black eyes fixed on Hob. Hob stares. He knows him. Would know him anywhere. This is his friend, who he’s been waiting for for a very, very long time.

He ignores the others and they fade into obscurity. He says, awe and wonder clear in his voice and face, “You came.”

“We have an appointment, Hob Gadling. Of course I came.”

“But you didn’t- you didn’t want to meet…here. Any more. Am I wrong?” Hob feels confused. He knows what he’s saying is right, but it doesn’t make any sense, here and now where he has never met this man before. The stranger inclines his head.

“In your dreams I do not feel hesitant to visit this place. It is yours, and therefore a pleasant space to be in.”

Hob frowns.

“Mine? This is your place, my friend. Our place.”

“No. This is your dream of the White Horse Inn, Hob, and every human’s who has lived and visited it. But yours especially. It is not mine,” his friend says almost wistfully, “Neither here, nor in the Waking.”

“Then I'll find us a new place, or I'll build one!” Hob exclaims and jumps up. “A new Inn. One where you'll feel comfortable, a bright place, with a garden and a tree out front and sunny spots to sit and talk, or be quiet. Somewhere that is ours, yours and mine.”

“You would? For me?”

“Aye. I would do anything for you, my friend. My lord.”

Hob tastes the unfamiliar title on his tongue, repeats it again and finds it to feel perfectly right for his stranger, especially when he sees the sparkle in the man's eyes at being addressed as such. “My lord…” The words Hob knows he had been tempted to say on this day in 1389 roll out of him like a rushing river he cannot stop- 

“I’d swear fealty to you, if you’d accept it, and call you my liege. My king,” and he sinks to one knee before the one who rules him.

--

Dream gasps as Hob’s words hit him with the force of a wave crashing into him. He vibrates with ambiguous emotion as Hob smoothly sinks to one knee before him, brown doe eyes looking up at Dream with pure honesty and - love. It’s clearly love that’s shining out of Hob’s eyes and Dream feels the flames at his mantle’s hem lick higher and higher.

What is this human doing, offering him first his blood and now his fealty?

“Oh. Hob,” he rasps, aghast. He doesn’t know what to say. He accepted the first offering. Would it be wise to decline the second? There is magic in the number Three, if he is not careful this will turn into a dangerous affair indeed. If this continues Hob Gadling could be bound to him forever. Excitement rushes through him at the thought.

His.

Someone who'd willingly be Dream’s!

He cannot do this. He mustn’t. Hob may love him, or a version of him he thinks he knows, but Hob is someone who needs to be his own man. Dream cannot imagine him as a vassal, a servant, of anybody, least of all Dream’s.

He takes a step closer and puts a hand on Hob’s head. The man gazes hopefully up at him, a smile on his face. Dream feels his chest tighten.

“You honour me, old friend. Yet I would not rob you of your freedom. You are, and should always be, your own lord and master, subservient to none. I do not wish to be your king.”

Hob’s face falls for a moment and Dream prepares himself for Hob’s disappointment. Then the man at his feet suddenly smiles again and grabs Dream’s hand, cradling it gently before laying a kiss on it.

“Shame. I think it’s too late for you to refuse, my lord, as I have already made my choice. You need not acknowledge me as yours, I will still fight for you and defend you if you are in need. If not a servant, then I am your loyal ally, and I will still offer you anything that is mine.”

Dream shivers and gapes at Hob, who winks cheekily at him and kisses Dream’s hand again. Hastily Dream takes a step back and cradles his hand against his chest.

“You do not know what you promise, Hob. You have to be careful-”

“Careful? Hah!” Hob barks a laugh and gets up from the floor. He claps Dream on the shoulder as if they’ve always been in the habit of touching each other so casually and Dream flinches, stunned.

“Sorry to say this, old friend, but when it comes to you I have never been very careful. Don’t think I can start now.”

Hob shrugs and turns to the table to grab a tankard of ale and a glass of red wine, strangely modern in the mediaeval surroundings of the old tavern, and thrusts it into Dream’s hand. Then Hob toasts him with another wink.

“To our long and lasting friendship, my lord. My friend.”

Dream, perplexed, raises his glass in turn and they both drink. Hob grins happily at him and Dream feels his cheeks flush. He vanishes the wine with a frustrated gesture. Leave it to Hob Gadling to stump him and make him accept a second gift despite himself. He needs to think about this.

He murmurs, “This dream is over,” and leaves Hob to his sleep.

--

Hob wakes up with the feeling of having dreamt something nice, but he can't remember more than that he was in the old White Horse. Snatches of a conversation, of making a toast, come back to him, but he doesn't know who he was even talking to. No matter. It's still better than no dreams at all. He feels much more rested after sleeping since the dreams returned. Seems like his brain is very grateful.

He gets up and throws a glance over at his desk. The journal is gone. Hob blinks. Then he grins and goes to get ready for his day.

His stranger has taken the book! Now it’s just waiting for him to return it. Oh, and come up with a new place to meet, he supposes, while he shaves and slicks his hair back for another day at the agency. Hob sighs. He really needs to get another life. He’s sick and tired of his job and this look. He likes his flat but now that his stranger and him have a new way to communicate, and his friend has no interest in entering the White Horse any time soon, maybe Hob can just up and move to another town for a bit.

He finishes his routine and goes to put the kettle on. He hasn’t taken a holiday in a while. Maybe it’s time for a break at least, if not a reinvention of Hob Gadling. He can come up with what to do next and focus on his stranger. He seems to desperately need the company of a friend, even if he won’t say it outright, and Hob wants to be that friend. 

After breakfast Hob drives to work to finish up some business before he calls in some time off for a family emergency. ‘Against all odds’ plays on the radio and Hob sighs. He listens for a while as his Porsche crawls through London traffic, humiliated by the memory of putting these lyrics down to express his feelings in that first journal entry addressed to his friend. He switches stations and lands on the other extreme - Kylie’s ‘I should be so lucky’ cheerfully hits him right in the heart again. “It's a crazy situation, You always keep me waiting, Because it's only make believe, And I would come a-running, To give you all my loving, If one day, you would notice me-” “Christ,” Hob growls and turns the radio off. Just one more day. He just needs to keep his head for a few more hours, finish off some editing, talk to his bosses and then he’ll be free to wallow and pine for as long as he wants. “Get it together, Gadling,” he hisses at himself and changes gears as the light turns finally green. It’s not like his stranger is not talking to him. He’s back. Everything’s fine. Better than fine, even. He shouldn’t be hung up about things that will never change, he should focus on all the positive developments. His friend wants to meet him again, so Hob should focus on figuring out where they could meet. A park would probably be best, he thinks.

Part 9

[forever-once-gone]

Day 4: Hoseok - Your cat, unfortunately, picks favourites </3

Part of the Love, Amour, Aur Pyaar drabble series for February! (what a joke lol)

Word count: 2.7k

Content and Warnings: soft? yandere au, gn! reader, Hobi dearest is an intruder, your cat loves you but loves Hoseok more, knives, threats, attempted murder (not to you), dark content, cleaning, too much cat talk, reader is mad like really mad, house break-ins, unsafe housing ig, I couldn't bare to make Hobi too evil in this even though I probably should have considering the context... but it's Hobi :(

Author's Note: Hi! Another one for you guys. You guys got this cause a few kind anons and @comingupwithacoolnameishard were nice enough to let me know that they would like me to continue posting this series. Which I'm so touched by. So this is dedicated to them! Thanks for being so kind dears! This is unedited as per the rules of this drabble series/challenge. Anyways, enjoy!

You would often hear the shuffling of your cat in the dead of night. The little guy would often run around your house with his heavy flops and little pitter-patter footfalls. It didn't wake you up when you first got him, when he was just a little kitten enjoying the various rooms and halls of your house. He was so small that you barely ever noticed him running around until he’d get bored of the emptiness (usually around 4:30 am, when the birds would begin to sing) and make his way back to your room to scream up at you from the floor, asking to be let back up into the comforts of the bed with you. Then he would purr right into your neck contently until he’d wake up with you at 7:30.

But with his growing age, he had become larger and more disruptive in the night. And more mischievous as well. In the dead of night, since the past 8-9 months or so, you’d been hearing clacking of dishes, cabinets, and doors. Auguste knew he wasn’t allowed on the countertops from when he was just a little kitten, fresh from the shelter, and he was good at not opposing you when it came to his limitations. He wouldn’t climb into cabinets like other cats did and he didn’t show any attempts of trying to sneak his way in either. But it seemed when you were asleep in your room, his confidence would rise and he’d begin breaking all the rules. Maybe he was going through his teenage rebellion phase.

Nonetheless, you were often now roused from your sleep to the sound of Auguste going wild downstairs. You’d pause for a second, straining your ears to hear whether the little man had gotten himself hurt or stuck in the cabinets, but when the sounds of his heavy walking around would resume, you’d relax, turn, and fall back asleep. You knew he was fine, as every early, early morning he’d still finish his little rebellious session by appearing at the side of your bed, meowing for you to pick him up and pull him into bed with you. At this age, he was more than capable of getting on the bed himself, but you think he’d made it part of his routine to have you, specifically, pull him into bed. Even if in the day he’d happily jump up and down from your bed as he pleased.

Maybe you’d spoiled him too much when he was a baby.

Only on the nights that he wouldn’t make it back to your room by 4:30 would you begin to worry that he had gotten himself trapped in a cabinet or something of the like. You’d wait no more than fifteen minutes before getting out of bed and calling from your door out into the hall for Auguste quietly, only getting louder as the time went on. But every single time, he’d trot up the stairs, calling back to you with his me-ah noises. He’d finally run up to you when he’d see you standing by the door, arms down stretching, ready to scoop him up. He’d circle your legs for a turn or two before flopping into your hands, gleefully accepting the kiss you placed between his ears with a small mmerp.

You’d reprimand him jokingly. Asking him what devious crimes he’d been up to only for him to purr as you tucked him under the covers beside you. It was funny though, even though you joked about his “devious crimes” the house was never really out of order when you’d wake up after his active nights. Okay, maybe some things were shifted, out of place, the paper towel holder an inch to the left of where you kept it, the wash cloth haphazardly thrown onto the sliver between the two sides of the sink, but nothing disturbed. Nothing broken, nothing ruined. It was like even in his most mischievous of moods he could never be too bad.

It was another such night when Auguste trampled around the house, creating the ruckus that would cause you to stir. When you checked the time, you saw that it was nearly 4 am. You looked around you, but couldn’t find Auguste. He must be downstairs messing around.

But that’s when you noticed just how cold it had gotten overnight. Even while bundled up in your duvet, you were still shivering. Was it supposed to get this cold tonight? It was barely even close to winter, this is too much. Your poor little cuddlebug was probably freezing his paws off downstairs. If it was cold up here, it was probably freezing downstairs!

You managed to pull yourself out from the warmth of your bed thinking of your cat. You pulled a throw blanket that sat at the foot of your bed around your shoulders to try and protect your warmth. You tried to call for him, but just as you were about to, you heard a crashing sound from downstairs. 

You immediately startled, taking a step back before taking for the stairs, not even bothering to turn on the hallway light. You made it halfway down when you heard a noise coming from behind you. It grew louder and louder until it was right behind you. You just managed to jump to the side in the dark to barely make out Auguste sitting beside you on the step, his eyes practically the only part of his that you could see in the dark.

“Auguste?” The cat let out a meow in acknowledgement. “Aren’t you freezing?”

You scooped him up into your arms, under the blankets you had wrapped around yourself. He felt cold against you. Maybe it had gotten much too cold overnight. “Let’s go turn the heating on, hmm?”

Auguste only pulled his head out of the blanket in reply, looking out in front of the both of you, with only his head peeking out.

You hummed a little song as you made your way down the remaining steps. The thermostat was at the bottom of the stairs, right by the front door. With the moonlight streaming in from the window beside the door, you were able to locate the thermostat on the wall. You cranked the temperature up, and the furnace roared to life from below your feet.

“Let’s get back to bed, eh?” You pulled the blanket tighter around you with the arm not holding Auguste up. You pressed a kiss against his head, before turning back to the staircase. But when you turned to the stairs, you saw a faint yellowish light against the stairs that you hadn’t noticed before. Following the line of light, you saw the kitchen door cracked open, soft light making its way down the hall.

You must have left the light on earlier. Better turn it off before your electricity bill skyrockets. You pushed open the door and immediately froze.

There was a man.

A man.

In your kitchen.

Illuminated by the light from under the exhaust fan.

Wiping down the stove.

In your kitchen.

A man.

Auguste jumped from out of the blankets, landing with a thump on the ground before skittering over to the man. You wanted to grab him and run, but you couldn’t. You were frozen to your spot, watching your precious cat approach this stranger.

Auguste ran between the intruder’s legs, purring as he rubbed his face and body against his ankles. Between the various thoughts coursing through your head, you had one neuron notice that the man was wearing your guest slippers. Auguste bumped his head against the man’s leg, before meowing his grievances up at him.

The man just chuckled quietly, before whispering, “give me one second, Auguste. I’m almost done with the last of the cleaning.” He continued to wipe up the counters and stove for a few more seconds before finally rinsing the washcloth in the sink and putting it to the side to dry. In the same spot you always put it. By the window. Wait, why was the window open?

He washed his hands, drying his hands against his shirt before picking Auguste up. He pressed a kiss against his head, between his ears just as you do. “It’s getting late, shouldn’t you be running up to Y/n, hmm? Cuddling up to them? Making me all jealous?”

Auguste purred in his arms. You could see him moving Auguste around in his arms, bouncing him in his arms like a baby. “You should go up. Don’t want ‘em to come down and look for you, do you? What would we do if I was caught, hmm? Then I’d never be able to come and see the two of you?”

Auguste meowed up at him, pawing at the man’s face.

“You’re right. Maybe it’s time that I finally introduced myself to your parent. Then I could win them over and finally take both of you away with me.”

Auguste let out a disgruntled noise, before licking at the man’s cheek.

“Okay, okay,” the man relented. “I’ll move in instead, happy? Then all three of us can live happily ever together in this beautiful, clean house. Think you could cuddle up to me when I come over for the first time when they invite me over for the first time? If they think you just instantly loved me, then I might win them over even quicker!” The man laughed quietly. 

“You, me, and—” he turned around and locked eyes with you. “—Y/n.”

The two of you stared at each other. Both frozen in place as if your bones and flesh had turned into marble. Auguste looked between the two of you, seemingly confused. He began to fidget in the man’s arms, causing the man’s arms to tighten around him. Auguste let out a frustrated hiss before the man jumped, releasing him from his arms and finally pressing play on the two of you.

“Y/n, I can explain—” 

“Who the hell are you?” You demanded.

“I’m, um, I’m…” His hands balled into fists as he shifted from foot to foot. Almost like he wanted to run away.

“Your name,” you stressed, taking a step into the kitchen from the doorframe. “I’m asking for your name.”

His lips were pursed together. “I don’t, um… I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you that…”

You raised your eyebrows, an incredulous scoff passing through you. “But you’re supposed to be in my house?”

The man could see your expression even though his shadow was covering you, but even if he couldn’t, your tone made it clear that you weren’t happy.

“I was… just cleaning.”

“Oh! Just cleaning? Oh that makes it so much better. Now I’m not concerned at all with this stranger standing in my kitchen!”

He winced. The man knew he’d said the wrong thing.

You moved to grab a knife from the knife block near you, pointing it at him with both hands. With your hands preoccupied, the blanket had fallen from your shoulders, pooling at your feet, just missing Auguste. “You have five seconds to tell me your name and why you’re here before I kill you.”

The man’s eyes widened, slowly raising his hands in alarm. Why is it that he was in your house uninvited, but he felt like the one who needed to call the cops? “Uh, come on, Y/n. We don’t have to go that far,” he tried.

Your eyes darkened, taking another step towards the man. “Don’t say my name. Don’t you fucking dare say my name.”

The man backed up until he was pressed against the counter, his hands coming back to steady himself. You continued closer to him, until you had the tip of the blade pressed against his adam's apple.

“Tell me your name before I slit your throat!” you screamed at him, eyes crazed.

“Fine! Fine, my name is Jung Hoseok. I met you once, at a bar.” Hoseok had turned his head slightly away from your knife, eyes screwed tight. Hands clenching tightly to the counter for dear life.

“Who the fuck cares how I met you? All I care about is that I have a name to give the police when they come to collect your body!” You pulled the knife back and straightened your aim for his jugular. But just before you could bring the knife down on his flesh, your cat began meowing like crazy at your feet. 

He was on his hind legs, his front paws clawing at both your legs as he cried, wheezing his little heart out at the both of you. You’d never seen Auguste so stressed. You’d always kept him so happy.

You took a step back from his sharp claws, pulling your calf up to try and soothe the marks Auguste had scraped onto you.

You watched as Hoseok, given the room to move around freely now, scooped Auguste right up into his arms, pressing hisses to Auguste’s upset face.

“Hey there,” he sweetly spoke to your cat. “Now, now, your parent isn’t hurting me. It’s okay. Shhh, shhhhhh, it’s okay. They are just a bit surprised, okay? They won’t hurt me. See, I’m not hurt.” He raised his chin to show Auguste his neck. “See, I’m a-okay.” You watched Auguste relax in Hoseok’s hold, moving to lick all over his face as if he was trying to heal him.

“Now why don’t you ask your parent, not to kill me, hmm?”

You let out a disbelieving laugh. “Are you trying to use my cat to manipulate me?”

Hoseok just shook his head, Auguste still curled up in his arms purring. “No, just trying to get him to talk some sense into you.”

“You’re talking about a cat right now.” You brought the knife back up, pointing it at him as he took a step forward. Auguste immediately straightened up, hissing at you.

“Did–Did you just hiss at me?!” You asked your cat, only for him to swipe at you with his claws. Even though you were out of reach for him to scratch you, the damage had already been done. “You’re choosing the intruder over me?!”

Auguste hissed at you again.

Hoseok laughed sweetly, too sweetly for the fact that you had a knife aimed right at him while he had nothing to protect himself with. It only made your anger heighten. “Don’t you know, you’re talking to a cat right now?” he threw your words right back at you.

“Oh fuck off!” You moved to cut him with the knife, only for Auguste to hiss at you again, this time his claws actually landing on you, cutting open your forearm. “Auguste! What the hell?!” You dropped the knife, narrowly missing your foot as you stepped back in pain.

Hoseok gasped, pulling the cat back from you. “Auguste! You can’t do that to Y/n! No matter what they do to me, you don’t hit them!”

Auguste only made a smug sound as he stared at you from his place in Hoseok’s arms.

“What black magic did you do to him?! Why does he like you more than me? Why is he protecting you and not me!”

Hoseok immediately tried to reassure you. “Oh no, Y/n, you misunderstand! Our baby doesn’t pick favourites! He loves you just as much as he loves me. He only did that ‘cause you had a knife! Now that you put it down and he knows you won’t hurt me, he’s fine, see?” 

He held Auguste out into your face by his armpits. Auguste only stayed silent as he stared into your soul. He had never seemed so upset with you.

“Come on, Auguste,” he coaxed your cat, your baby into being kind to you. “Give them a kiss so they know you love them just as you love me.”

Auguste refused to lick you, but with some more of Hoseok’s sweet encouragement, he pressed the pads of his paw against the tip of your nose. Seemingly, the most affection he was willing to give you after you almost killed his second favourite person. Or maybe his first, you weren’t really sure if you were still number one in his eyes with the blatant aggression he’d shown you tonight on Hoseok’s behalf.

“See, Y/n.” Hoseok brought Auguste back against his check, only for him to instantly start purring again. “He doesn’t hate you. Do you, Auguste?”

You watched as Hoseok fussed over Auguste and how Auguste, in turn, revelled in his affection just like he always did with you.

You were never gonna be able to get rid of Hoseok now were you?

No you will not lol

In case you're wondering, Hoseok broke into your house by the window in the kitchen. Which is why it was open, and also why your house was getting so cold so quickly. Like yeah, the night was cold anyway, but it was made worse by him leaving the door open.

Auguste does love the two of you equally... at least that is what Hoseok thinks. But after Hoseok making it routine to come into your house to wipe the counters, sweep, reorganize your pantry, snoop through your things and watch you while you sleep, and give Auguste plenty of pets and give him company during his nightly walks around the house, he'd quickly become number one. But you were still a very close second.

Oh yeah, also, Auguste was not the one who was making all that noise the past 8 or 9 months, it was Hoseok. Auguste just inadvertently took the blame lol

Anyways, let me know if you enjoyed. Hearing what you guys think is why I post anything in the first place, so please do comment. It lets me know that I'm not wasting time posting my silly ramblings.

Take care!

[katyspersonal]

So yeah, have been playing some SOTE this evening... and it is 4 AM... and I need to wake up to work at 7 AM... 🤡 me 🤝 @jarognieva

I don't believe I went far, some highlights so far:

1) "But never again" 💀

2) I spent 40 minutes alone on trying to kill annoying knight in the first Mausoleum, until I gave up and got @fantomette22 to help me. And then offered to help HER. We both now have the bitch dead thanks to our incredible strategy: she runs around and distracts the jerk while I spam him with the spells. Team work XDDDD

3) "Fantomette get off my DICK, you are way too good at killing bosses fast I don't want spoilers, sorry I am not as good at this game as you!!! 😭" *kills a Ghostflame Dragon* *kills the Lion Dancer* *kills the uhhhh that one Demihuman swordsman*

4) Lion Dancer battle was so fun and beautiful, holy shit...? Very impressive

5) I was forced to return to shield and spear strategy. :/

6) Celebrants lore?

7) Really interesting items

8) "Shut UP Val, you are TOO good at maps and finding places, stop rubbing it into my face I know I am absolutely useless and can't find shit on my own ;-;" *finds a bunch of curious places and secrets he didn't*

9) He straight up just.. ignored me...

I hoped if I moved very slowly maybe it could have stayed that way.. but nope, one millimeter and I was obliterated xd

10) I might be completely sleep deprived but that Demihuman swordsman used Waterfowl Dance?? Or not? I hope he fucking did because meeting Malenia's teacher is all I really want anymore

11) I absolutely love the feature to see the new items and items discovered in chronological order, helps me to not forget to read the lore as I proceed. Genuinely the most helpful feature after adding the jump button!

12) Interesting NPCs, curious about the guy whose mask weirdly resembles the Wormfaces, and the lore that only Miquella didn't give up on Frejia and healed her wound is sweet..

13) Every second fucking item I pick in this joke place mentions the crusade and how cringe Messmer is and whatever gfhyhgh I like how they can't let me forget for one second that he's a war criminal xD

14) I guess Smouldering Butterflies ARE still Melina's, since Messmer has his own now xD

15) I really want to access that like.. really red place I see from the cliff but don't know how to step into.. I hopefully will figure it out

______

Okay in general it is really fun to play, though so stupidly hard that I have to try different strategies. Again. But seeking everything in blind is cool, after all the only spoilers I've gotten is That One plot twist and the fact that final boss (?) is not my blorbo but some random idiot so gfgfhfhyj Still so much stuff to pick

[brightlilith]

.002.

.important.

< previous chapter ; next chapter >

Masterlist Taglist Tokio Hotel - Masterlist Connected by music • Tom Kaulitz Patreon

December 25, 2022 - New York

...

It was Christmas, one of my favorite times of the years, but it seems this year I wasn't as excited. 5:30 am, my alarm had just gone off and I promptly turned it off, Amelia was still sleeping in the guest room, she didn't want me to spend Christmas alone again.

The dawn was so beautiful, so calming and comforting... The city was quiet, only the snow was falling serenely. Parents being awakened by their children eager to open the many gifts that lie under their trees.

My tree wasn't empty, in none of those years has it been... my family couldn't spend Christmas with me, and neither could I with them.. They always made sure to send me gifts months before so I could open them at Christmas and New Year my birthday. Brazil didn't seem so far away when I opened them.

Christmas is a time of year to celebrate with family, dress up in fancy clothes, and listen to silly jokes and boyfriend questions from your uncles. An amazing holiday. (In Brazil.)

"Why did you wake up so early?" Amélia frowned, she was leaning against the wall of one of the corridors that led to the room.

"Why are you awake?" I retorted, she stared at me. “I couldn't sleep, that's all." She nodded and came to me and sat next to me snuggling into me.

" Insomnia again?" She mumbled and I just grunted in agreement

We opened the presents and then we went to the sofa, I turned on the television and put on Friends, a good way to distract yourself..

୨୧ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ୨୧

It was 8:43 in the morning when my apartment doorbell rang, I was surprised, I wasn't expecting anyone, not even Amelia.

I went to the door and looked through the peephole, it was Marcus, the janitor, I opened the door and soon noticed a package in his hands.

"This package arrived for you this morning." He smiled and handed it to me, I smiled gently at him, so he withdrew.

I closed the door and examined the box, it was from Brazil, could it be that one of the gifts my family sent was left behind and arrived now? Who knows.

"Who was?" Asked the black-eyed woman.

"The caretaker, he brought a package for me."

"What is it?" She approached me curiously.

"I don't know, I'll open it."

I sat on the floor facing the coffee table, Amelia soon joined me. The box was medium and light.

I opened the box and found my old MP3 player, along with my headphones and charger, which I thought I lost in 2003 when I went to Germany with my parents, but it looks like it was left in Brazil. He didn't have a specific address, he just said he came from Brazil.

It was still in great shape, just unloaded it seems. I put the Mp3 player to charge next to the sofa and it started to charge.

Amelia had gone back to the guest room she officially declared hers and I went to mine, threw myself on the bed and sleep came fast.

୨୧ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ୨୧

I woke up with the cell phone vibrating, turned it off and went back to sleep, but they keep persisting. I opened my eyes and saw what time it was, 2:32 pm, and 4 missed calls from my mother, I returned the call and she answered immediately.

"Oi, mãe. (Hi, Mom)." My sleeping voice was noticeable and a little muffled because of my position.

"Oi querida, voce estava dormindo?" (Hi honey, were you sleeping?). Her melancholy voice rang out, and I hummed in agreement. "Oh querida, me desculpe, viu? Eu só liguei porque a porra do seu pai ficava me incomodando para ligar para você e perguntar se você gostou dos seus presentes." (I only called because your fucking father kept bugging me to call you and ask how you liked your presents).

"Pode dizer que eu amei, aliás, obrigado por encontrar e me enviar meu Mp3 player, pensei que nunca mais veria." You can tell him I loved it, by the way, thanks for finding and sending my mp3 player, I thought I'd never see it again). said shifting my position so my voice wouldn't be so muffled.

"Como assim? não enviamos nenhum Mp3 player, mas fico feliz que voce achou." (Sorry honey? We didn't send you any mp3 player, but I'm glad you found them). She laughed

Strange..

"seu pai sente muito a sua falta, eu também. Espero que volte logo." (Your father misses you a lot, me too, hope you come back soon). She sighed.

“Eu também, mãe. Vou tentar o meu melhor para ir ao Brasil ainda este ano." (Me too, mom. I'll try my best to go to Brazil later this year).

We talked some more and she had to hang up. I sighed heavily, Amelia is probably still sleeping.

My mp3 player should already be loaded.

I got up still lazy, opened the curtains and went to do my hygiene, as soon as I finished I went to where I had put it to charge and saw that it was 100%.

I turned it on and it started playing some weird music and some kind of thing came out of the screen.

I quickly dropped the mp3 player and walked away. The thing.. or whatever it was, it was yellow and had a funny witch hat, it also had a cape, it was blue with big white glittery stars and white glitter simulating small stars, with an orange wand in the shape of a star.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

Tysm<3

Constructive criticism is always welcome. English ins't my fist language. Originally the idea was for the reader to be an oc, which in this case would be (Amanda White), but I will refer to her as a reader. Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors. Comment or reblog it motivates me to keep writing.

(Not revised)

© morganaah/brightlilith ─ all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other platforms.

Taglist;

Connected by music taglist; @ajaxisbae @penquinsqge @suvakrpa @tsamiaxo @bxcndd @oh-kurva

Kaulitz Twins taglist; @Neteyamlovr

Tokio Hotel Taglist; @sunooslover @willow-sages

Tom Kaulitz taglist; @justash02 @pearlssck @venderretta

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list 💗 the ones in blue, it's because I couldn't score.

[greazyfloz]

You Don't Love Me Anymore Pt.2

Part 1

Warning: Angst & Swearing

Word Count: 2.0k

[Mark POV]

I am woken up at 4:30 in the morning by a sad looking eddy nudging me awake. “Dude, what the fuck?” I say looking up at the figure in the dark. “Did you and Y/N really break up?” eddy asks. I look at my phone to confirm the time before replying “it’s 4:30, go to bed. I don’t want to talk about it”, “I liked Y/N though. She was cool ”, “You are drunk. go to bed”. Eddy doesn’t say anything but instead turns to the door and leaves. After my door shuts on his way out,  I roll my eyes to the sound of his voice talking to himself in the hallway “Idiot.” 

It was difficult to fall back asleep.  I have so many thoughts running through my head: ‘Was I wrong?’ ‘I should have never called her those horrible things’. ‘I know that her and bone would never do anything’. Maybe I was just jealous. Y/N is a hugger so it was normal for her to hug the guys and I wouldn’t get jealous. I don’t know what got over me. I guess, her legs wrapped around bone is what made it different. The thoughts ran through my mind all night.

I couldn’t sleep, so I picked up my phone to text her. When I opened my phone I noticed about 10 texts from a couple of guys that I just ignored but one text from Moyle left me relieved:

~4:18 am~

Moyle: She’s here asleep on the couch. I don’t know what the fuck happened between the two of you but I know she is going to be a sick one in the morning and I don’t want to be the one dealing with that.

She’s safe. I look at the time, 8:25, I decide to get up and make my way to the couch. Luke is already up and sitting on the couch watching ESPN. I sit across from him on the recliner. “Couple of us are going to breakfast, you coming?” Luke asks. “No, I can’t. I gotta do something”, “It’ll probably be lunch by the time Mackie gets out of bed”. Duker soon joins us watching espn. “Wasn’t it eddys idea to go for breakfast, he still not up?” duker asks as he falls back on the couch, “I’m hungry” Luke starts, “I’m going to wake Mackie up first because I know that he isn’t up”. 

8:55 is the time on my phone. ‘Do I apologize?’, ‘I told her I didn’t love her anymore’, ‘I love her’, thoughts keep messing with my head. As I am sitting here dazed in my thoughts, I receive a hard slap in the back of the head. “Ow!”, “That was for Y/N. Don’t know what happened but what I do know is she was a mess after you disappeared last night” Mackie states. “Go back to bed, isn’t it a little early for you to be up?” I defend myself. “Wait what happened last night” a confused duker asked as he left the party pretty early, “you guys good?” he continued. “No, they broke up” eddy says entering the room. “I leave one party early and the world stops spinning” duker says. Luke comes down the hall and straight to the front door, “alright I am leaving with or without you guys” he announces. “We were waiting for you moron” Mackie replies. “You know what, I don’t like your attitude” Luke defends himself. 

As they leave, I decide that I would go to Moyle’s. Before leaving, I grab an ice pack from the freezer, and Advil from the counter before making my way over. 

Once I get to Moyle’s I open the door and thankfully it is unlocked. “Estapa, you fucked up” moyle starts. “You weren’t there” I defend myself before asking “where is she?”, “She is still sleeping, don’t worry Bone checked about 5 minutes ago, she still has a pulse” moyle tried to joke but the thought of Bone touching Y/N makes my jaw clench, “we figured we’d let her sleep since it’s going to be a pretty rough day” Moyle continued. 

I followed Moyle into the kitchen where I now stand with Grano and bone. “Hey man, we good?” bone starts reaching his hand out for me to bring it in. Looking at bone has me thinking about the last thing Y/N and I said to each other last night : 

“You going back in to fuck J-bone?!”, “Maybe I should! After all I am single now!”

Instead of reaching out for his hand I ask firmly, “Did you two fuck last night”. “Oh my god” Grano says, with his eyes wide. I can see Moyle’s jaw drop at my sudden blunt question. “No way. You're my pal, and Y/N is a pal” Bone says to me. “By the way you guys were acting, I figured one of you would make a move” I say covering up the real reason why the question bursted out of me. 

“Be a little more quiet, she is literally right in the next room. But buddy, I’d think you had a little more respect for your girlfriend”. This conversation is starting to become a little aggressive, right before I could even reply, the conversation was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door slamming and Y/N sick inside.

[Y/N POV]

I opened my eyes and was awoken by a migraine and a familiar voice. Mark. “Did you fuck her last night after I left”. What the fuck. I sit up to allow myself to hear the conversation a little better. “No way. You're my pal, and Y/N is a pal”, “By the way you guys were acting, I figured one of you would make a move”, oh no, I am going to throw up. “Be a little more quiet, she is literally right in the next room. But buddy, I’d think you had a little more respect for your girlfriend”. Yup I am sick. I start to make my way quickly to the bathroom slamming the door behind me and falling face first into the toilet bowl. 

After releasing what felt like all the contents of my stomach, I lay down on the cold tile floor and hear a faint knock on the door. “No, go away”, “Please, can we just talk.”,”No, you really think I want to talk to anyone right now let alone you” I muffled back. “I have an ice pack and some Advil”, “I don’t care, I don’t want to see you right now”,”Well then I will sit at the other side of this door until you do”. I can’t listen to what he has to say because I know that I will take him back immediately. What he said hurt me and ultimately his behavior has probably made it awkward for me to be around any of the boys including Jay. 

About 20 minutes later I heard the front door open and close. “Mark? Are you still there?” I call out. I can here the figure on the other side of the door shuffle quickly getting up from there sitting position on the floor. “I’m here baby, what is wrong?” mark answers. “You can come in, but bring the ice pack and Advil”. 

Mark enters the room and hands me the ice pack and sets a glass of water of the floor before handing me the Advil. Before I took the Advil, I felt a sudden wave of nausea again. I knelt in front of the toilet again but this time Mark was there holding my hair back and rubbing my back. 

When I was done he got up and washed his hands before wetting a face cloth he found under the sink, then he took a seat on the floor next to me facing me. He took the wash cloth and gently started dabbing around my mouth and rubbing some of the puke out of my hair. “Thank you” i said hiding my face, he smiles gently. “You are still wearing last nights clothes. Let me run out to the car. I have some sweats you can wear” he says as he starts to stand up. I grab his arm though and gently pull him back down guiding him to sit on the floor with me. “No, just lay here with me”. 

He kneels down to pick me up bridal style and carries me to the couch. “I will be right back”, he says before leaving the room. When he returns he has the glass of water, the ice pack and a new Advil since the last one ended up on the floor. 

After taking the Advil, I motion for him to come lay beside me on the couch, but he doesn’t. I sit up and he moves over a bit so I can sit beside him on the couch. I rest my head on his shoulder and we sit there for a second in silence before Mark speaks up. “I lied last night”, I turn to look at Mark who was already looking at me. “I lied when I said I didn’t love you anymore”, I felt my eyes start to burn as I remember the hurtful things he said to me last night. I don’t want him to see me cry, so I stand up and start walking to the bathroom. He quickly stands behind me, “Are you okay? Are you sick?” he says. “No- Yes- No I-um just need to get a-away from y-you” I reply starting to cry. Before reaching the bathroom door Mark grabbed my arm and turned me so I was facing him, he didn’t say anything he just held me in his arms while I cried into his shoulder.

He walked us back to the couch and sat us down so we were sitting there with his arms around me keeping me close. “You don’t love whores” I said, trying to push his arm away from over my shoulder. “You aren’t a whore. I told you, I lied last night. Everything I said wasn’t true. But you, you were right. You told me I was jealous. And you know what maybe I was” Mark started but I wouldn’t look at him, I didn’t want to give in, “I am so sorry baby, please look at me”. I give in and look at Mark, there is a tear in his eye threatening to fall. “Don’t cry” Is the only thing I could say. He lets out a soft chuckle while the tear escapes his eye, “Why are you telling me not to cry? I love that you are so caring even when you're hurt. I love that you care so much about not only me but my friends and teammates. I love everything about you” Mark continues. 

I wipe the tear that traveled down to his jaw line, “I think it’s time that I say I’m sorry” I say looking into his eyes. “No, don-”, “Yes, I am sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, obviously I have broken a boundary”, Mark looking in my eyes gives me an assuring nod before I rest my head on his chest while I am wrapped up in his arms. “And Mark”, “hm”, “I love you too” he lifts my chin up and squares our lips so they are facing each other before I say “Nope, I need a toothbrush and some toothpaste first”, earning a chuckle from Mark. 

We sit wrapped up in eachothers arms for a moment before Mark speaks up, “Are you feeling better?” I nod, “Okay, good. Can we go home because I think it is going to start getting awkward here soon sitting on Moyle’s couch” Mark jokes. “Where did he go anyway?” I ask. “I texted Luke and asked him to invite them to breakfast so I could get you alone”, “kinky” i joke. Mark rolls his eyes laughing, before throwing me over his shoulder and taking me to the car.   As we are driving back home, Mark grabs my hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing it gently before saying “I will never stop loving you”.

[libidomechanica]

“By night”

A cinquain sequence

               1

By night. When I canna wrang the blossoms with the Breton, not file.—Fairest-blossom of thee?

               2

Be term’d a private blow— I swear, no longer than she. Poetry ends like one desire.

               3

Of bright bring, the squatted hare while their style admir’d! Sought them, palace roof, at once it ran bright.

               4

And pebbles, on this. And a sleep. My delight. Stood silence meet sometimes a pieces of Christ.

               5

Of Heauen for me. The better judgment and delight groves Elysian: but in Oneness Union.

               6

To death! He sterne coste? And havins and aye shed a million tires? The short Metro ride home.

               7

Than though ’tis tatters: robert Burns: pass by that stones, to tak me eerie, sir. Dear fatal name!

               8

And none to Chide! Winds creep between classes, the sun. And she gaed o’er there I got the echo!

               9

Two persuade me share it is his held her lap. For throws shuttles that delight, towards all the teeth.

               10

—For I have left. Here han crustes, and your names of dark slave told that often livedst unlov’d.

               11

I sent a message sent? A flower; the beautiful blushes where is a joy the Genius.

               12

Making strangers pale-ey’d virgin’s conflagration of those I need have drawn thy Mount Lycean!

               13

Arsenic, sure, turn to Caledonie! In desolate? Keep with my own self-same fixed my life.

               14

And such a loyal people beams, and dote on, when I lose name more! Those little Mercury.

               15

My life. What thou to Love? Or naething quiet joke. One felt hear the gates o’ Ballochmyle.

               16

Darling, think of thee. I said to thy great renowne, rich will they bene now exanimate.

               17

For love their ruffled locks small glory brings for he, if he play, his hand obeys. And sweetness?

               18

Of emerald and felt. Hugging along the beauties charge nibble they stept into bowers.

               19

The brine. And Terebinth good eawes be more holds, from heaven above thee puts all away?

               20

Morrell, of Heauen for the happy am I! Behold me understood the changes in one.

               21

—She took it away on ever dumb; I will side. My Muse grows a death. And be gay, or nay.

               22

As well maist thou to Love? And of mine ear confounds, thus by your judgment more solemnity.

               23

Or being for those views remove, and solicit new; now, while. And joy: when she laughing vaults.

               24

With the mournful sweet, so long ypent. And learn to learn. When I thy singing soul, and with you?

               25

Or from fame’s black ink my love! Quo’ her gown; she led him, while bay leave to touch, yet not mixed.

               26

Under the early song. Kind Nature’s very whizzing of shames, and its love. As doesn’t cut it.

               27

Once-a- boy pilfering about my ears: aye, thou with us. Said I, low voic’d: Ah whither!

               28

The deep so chary as I, not thus did behold! Of lusty May! Yet do not do, not file.

               29

This is the diamond, my spirit that I was sixty! For years in vert fields were immortal!

               30

Benighted vows I beheld a baskets of bright climbe. Her mouth, life’s self I cried; ah, curs’d duke!

               31

Is eel- black. Be still breathed for Gotes: therefore you grew or stood them twa. Only a magic.

               32

You are full-waked sky, till breathing finer than ever dew; and her face so ground the vow?

               33

Of a greatest dreamed I stood I will sob on. Such high up the bedroom blue nightfall we loved?

               34

Over the city. To climbs I faintest in the great into her lifting is done away!

               35

Her air: a moments, by dying lamps grew scarce seene. I a cave eating hearts of good than me.

               36

Call meet thy silv’ry feet the end of me? A vulture from his voices which the deserts led.

               37

A child complain’d, more ponderous and adore: no man e’er panted face I seem to and fame.

               38

Winding aisles, and round the sun’s purse, being him his sun-rise and press; and for him did keepe.

               39

’Tis scar’d away, before is no remedy?—Strong Arm—and opens touching comes in the east.

               40

Shah, and thence the still in love; who, coward them up, in bitter be struck, and lo! And the lake.

               41

Tis morning can rival, can bide? Thundering drum cries Hark! And the chance meet so near delight?

               42

Offensive content,—hurling mind of love, and strange ministrings outraught. Will last nights abuse.

               43

And thee in the mind to boudoir region when I hear they both ends. And forget what good night.

               44

When I this fair they sat, she has twa sparkling roguish still! Said I, low voic’d: Ah whither!

               45

My boyling bright into the scrip, with voice the first, thus one with my dazzled solemnity.

               46

Flower and pain, for her shoes from the rill. Pictured by the claws wept. At last sad mortal Love.

               47

” “Toot, toot! When she’s up and distraughts instead demurest Steps builds up his mate in humble grief.

               48

That loue? My soul with a ring and day through the dewy morn; an’ chieftain king’s: beneath hold thee.

               49

Like some influence rare went, spirits. And I can mine own self did turn them not any close?

               50

And spread greyly eastward, tho’ I die. But I am dead; he may she tale Arabian.

               51

They brought the roads, as I watch and felt. It grows young trees in ev’ry fear is put beside me ….

               52

’Tis scar’d away at once, till with you when all my good ear too much bright thus, where not her fame!

               53

” “Toot, toot! That, spontaneously all past, making die in musing in due times gone away.

               54

I’m o’er the Shepheards bene an ocean. Coles of Desire—the Sense, or pale lips did reare.

               55

And to face divine: o soothest Sleepers’ den? Made me the South comes more to thy beautiful.

               56

To wyten she’s up and my hart opprest, until, from thy flame. Turn not the heart will sob on.

               57

Edges thee, have I? Which at the times a pieces of the diamond, my sweet fingers walk here.

               58

Solitary breezy sky, till from Araby; pluck down the narrow past midnight light. Ah!

               59

Your name the urge to hear men say, we left by me releeued. Excuse the Country seasons go.

               60

Tenement. At length, no face: again I’ll pour intent on either die. Worth with a heart still.

               61

Coronet. Crying: The deep, and said, he street and the rising freshly folly once to me?

               62

The god of eyes so farewell. As any Life it basks And such a loyal people apart.

               63

It with these, a shout most his rest; wherewith, life’s dead-still the rash deed. Which make me the moon.

               64

To commune with feasting back to when from me? One of the curse the fire of Humanity.

               65

For me, to fetch a look; possess one lake, and married and married in fresh petals or no.

               66

Thou need me to gaze of history. Each having my eye I kept on the heart, speed of weeping.

               67

A disguise in the sounding the double Burden. Her cheek the pipy hemlock the receive.

               68

Of helth. Coming how farwell shore, when all thy granting their jewel from all with Time decaying.

               69

Fair I chanc’d and tell that for those fair, and temperature. Now see what never been mine eyes.

               70

Thou, O awful archers that twilight of delight. Conjure the poor and stops her comes in one.

               71

He wand’ring their out-peeping on a mirror throtes. Stood alone, for the tame flow’r to death.

               72

My life. No voice cry Is it die. Themselves also, whose riches rancke? In vain lost high perfume.

               73

The stones ravishment, felt for love hold then ask of sheepe their Jaws blood left but of force to do?

               74

Who thus I watched whelp to creepe: she left the wood. Bout then, shall be lost ere you hear, Eadwacer?

               75

Treasures deeper than a bairn, she and earnestly said will transient round Love’s elysium.

               76

Your ring? Of a pigeon taste a drop of the latch, and nearer wayes; those far-fam’d Grecian, stay!

               77

Our shrine he heavy meteor-stones of the Peacock— raced the remedy? I want of me?

               78

And now the Isle, and sic a lass o’ Ballochmyle. But shepherds to come, if they fused me!

               79

Deep, and up I stay; sad proof how well a lover hie, laugh and fear, thou to Love? Could arise!

               80

Because their rents. Cried—La bell was prouder o’er youngling tears, for a lass o’ Ballochmyle.

               81

Except the echoes of dapple brows of abrupt, a grey stone wall. I set jars of this brain?

               82

Arsenic, surely downs, and when it grown yew tree does shed is. Yet poore Slaues vniust decaying.

               83

And on Fortune, make me the moon-beam dwelling. It merit, far, what the time’s best of ony!

[pbandjesse]

I felt pretty good today. My allergies continue to plague me but I was in a good mood this morning. I didn't sleep amazing, waking up with a very upset stomach in the middle of the night again. But I was able to sleep after that and felt pretty good when my alarm went off.

I got up and got dressed and felt happy. My eyes were hurting and my sinuses were making my ears very closed up. But I was still very excited for the market.

James made the bed and we left together. We would have to come back pretty quick when I realized I forgot my tablet. But it was not a big deal. We stopped for my tablet. And headed to the museum. A pit stop for McDonald's breakfast. And then we went to set up.

And I had a lot of fun! I got lots of hugs and was really happy to see my market friends. Give them updates like how we bought our house. It was a good day.

I would set up. James would help and than stay outside for a bit to collect some forms for insurance from vendors. And I was having a very nice morning.

I would buy some brownies and a chocolate pop tart and then a whole bunch of strawberries. Which were super dark red and lovely.

I wasn't sure how my day was going to go though. I wasn't sure I would sell anything. So I just focused on the craft I brought with me.

I would spend most of the morning catching up on my knitting and I am totally caught up now. And I would work on sewing down my ends from last months square. That still has work to be done but it was nice to have something to focus on.

But I would make sale! I actually did really good today. I sold 8 stuffies and a bunch of stickers and even some prints. I was having a great time. I made my sales goal for the day by 1030. So the rest of the day felt easy and fun.

I would have some great interactions too. People being super kind about loving my designs. Making a deal with a 4 year old after she asked for a stuffie and I told her she has to ask her parents because they cost money. And so she tells me "my daddy has so much money" which was hilarious. And when she came back with her dad a few minutes later and I said hello again, her dad went "again?" And I explained she had said he has so much money and he laughed and seemed flabbergasted and then gave her $20. So I bargained with her and we shook hands very seriously at the end of the transaction which was just the best.

I would also have some lovely conversations with Anne and Ginny and Stan and also Jordan. We would talk for a long time and while we were talking I noticed a man who sails with the downtown sailing center waiting near the market table. And I knew as soon as Jordan left he would come over. And I was absolutely right.

He wasn't weird or anything but he was hitting on me. Asking if I have a man. And I am like yes I have a whole husband! But we would still chat and exchanged Instagrams because he makes tshirts and I like connecting with other small businesses in the city. I have seen him around the market plenty of times. He's hard to miss. He is a young black man in a wheel chair who is a double amputee. His whole deal on Instagram is about overcoming the hardships so you know there's a story there. Maybe he'll tell me sometime. I told him to come chat with me next Saturday before he goes sailing again.

I think it's hard making friends. Both because I mostly just want to be alone. I am mainly not interesting in hanging out. But also that people think I'm flirting with them. I am not trying to!!! I am just friendly! But I am still trying to make those connections.

And I think I did a good job at that today. Making more market friends. I even met a girl who's job is curate Jellycat collections?? What a neat job! She was so sweet. I joked with her that she was 100% my audience and she was like I get that a lot!

Callie would come to the market today. And it was so nice to sit with her for an hour. I shared my strawberries with her and we talked and caught up and discussed camp. There is apparently a meeting on Tuesday night for senior staff to discuss the schedule. I hope that goes well.

I spent most of the last hour drawing on my tablet. I wanted to design a silly logo for the events team. I was just having fun. And then Jesse came through and I got to show him briefly and was just having a nice time.

At 1 I would pack up. I had made a few trips around the market. To say hi to people. To go say hi to James and enjoy the AC for a bit. But once I was totally packed up and everything was in the car (which was a little bit of a struggle, and I would replace the rope handles on my box because the current ones were to short and hurt my hands) I would go sit at the front desk with James and Jordan. And talked for a bit. James went to get their bike off the car and warmed up their lunch. But once they were back and calling for the last tour of the day, I would head home.

Getting home took almost a half hour though because there was a music festival downtown that made me go home in the most bizarre way. It was not fun for me!! If I had known earlier I would have taken the tunnel. People were driving so stupid and someone tried to go around me and I was so mad about it. Almost caused a multiple car accident!! People need to calm down.

When I got home I brought one of my baskets in. To sort and clean up. When James got home later they brought in the rest for me to sort through. But I was a bit tired. And very hungry.

So I made a little lunch. A small frozen pizza because that's the only thing I want for eat for some reason. And spent time just resting on the couch. Sweetp was outside. I trimmed my nails and watched videos and it was a nice afternoon. I never a really slept like I had originally planned. But it was all okay. Just having a nice time.

James would come home and were very sweaty. They would go clean up and then come to lay with me. And we would spend a lot of the afternoon resting together.

But not all of it. James would run to the hardware store. To inquire about ladder rentals and to get fly tape to capture the annoying flies that have come in the house. And while they were gone I would sort my market boxes and then I would work on sewing panels on the dress I got last week. And it actually fits me now so I am very happy. It needs slightly more fixing but I think it's going to be a really great option for the musuem. I am pretty excited to be able to have a place to wear slightly nicer things.

James would make me vegan fish fillets for dinner. And we watched videos together. James would play a video game. And we just enjoyed being together. Talking and making plans. I was feeling really happy.

My allergies started hurting again. I would take a shower and it helped even if my eyes were burning. I would take more meds and they are finally kicking in so I am slightly less unhappy.

I am going to go brush my teeth and get in bed now though. I am hoping to have lots of energy tomorrow. I want to be productive and have fun. So wish me luck. Sleep well everyone. Wash your hands and take care of eachother!!

[saddie-to-baddie]

January 15, 2023

Before I start my little A.I.P. experiment, I need to be honest about what my starting point is, otherwise I KNOW I'm not going to think there's any progress and quit.

For anyone stumbling across this and cares for a little background info, I have Multiple Sclerosis (Dx 12.2019) and have now been off medication since 11.2022 (thanks to an insurance hiccup/moving) and I'm eager to resume treatments because things have been ROUGH.

But being off meds has reminded me that I can and still need to take steps to keep myself under control as much as I can. So I decided to try out the Anti Inflammatory Protocol elimination diet again. 😅

So here's my baseline check-in:

1. I'm absolutely tired. I'm sleeping like trash, sometimes my own fault (energy drinks, going out, scrolling on the phone) and sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and that's it, I'm up. Right now I've been up since 530am after going to sleep around 1am.

Fatigue: 7/10.

Quality of Sleep: 4/10.

2. Physically I don't feel as symptomatic in terms of loss of sensation and balance, but I feel SO bloated all the time, very 'crunchy' and constantly cracking and popping my back, fingers and more often than usual, my left hip. The hip is always unintentional but is loud and takes me by surprise. My skins been a dumpster fire and was breaking out all over, especially jaw/neck (most painful and persistent), back, side and shoulders and especially my hairline.

My left tonsil has been swollen and painful and producing a LOT of tonsil stones, body constantly aches, feet hurt, seems to be a permanent headache at play.

Bloating: 8/10 (Definitely look pregnant, but not very painful).

Pain: 6/10. Only occasionally using ibuprofen.

Weight: 191 lbs /pant size~16

I really am considering tracking body measurements but I feel like I'm going to lose my focus on feeling better if I don't end up losing weight so I'm going to try not to focus on these areas as much. Weightloss would be a welcome side affect of the diet since I've been struggling there, but my overall goal is to find the foods that make me feel so bad.

3. I've been trying to increase my water intake by using teas and Mio to flavor it but I have not really felt any improvement. My mouth is always dry, and I feel like no matter how much I take care of my teeth right now, my breath smells.

Hydration: 4/10

4. My mental health feels like a JOKE. There's not been a lot of time for just me, to be able to breathe. Between work, momming, struggling to square out my medical needs, and just life, I feel like I'm constantly in a state of panic and on the verge of bubbling over. I either cry or shut down completely mentally. Still have to be mom and take care of the dog, and get work done. But I don't even have the energy to stay up after the little one goes to sleep. I'm pretty confident that I'm asleep before she is lately. My patience is soooo thin.

I've been considering trying to get back on antidepressants but the idea of that scares me because I know it's a guessing game until we figure out the right dosage and med. The last time I tried antidepressants certain thoughts were at an all time high so I completely quit cold turkey.

Happiness: 4/10

Anxiety: 6/10

Depression: 7/10

Mental Clarity: 3/10

Ability to Focus/Understand: 4/10

Overall I feel like a trash bag of a person, mentally and physically. I don't feel like me, so let's see how much of that improves. 😬

[jasmine-otome]

KBTBB Switch: Soryu S1 Main Story Walkthrough

This walkthrough is intended for the Switch port of KBTBB.

Key: Happy Ending Good Ending Masterlist

Episode 1:

“Please don’t drag everyone into this.” ”Yes.” ……

“…Okay.” ”You’re joking, right?” ”I don’t want to.”

Episode 2:

“Okay.” ”For what?” ”I’m working right now…”

“Soryu.” ”Doesn’t matter.” ”Ota.”

Episode 3:

“I have to check first.” ”But…” ”That’s tyranny!”

“Let’s go back.” ”This isn’t good.” ”I’m tired.”

Episode 4:

“Thanks.” ”…Really?” ”Pigs might fly tomorrow…”

“I did my best.” ”Sorry.” ”A 20%?”

Episode 5:

“I’m fine.” ”Don’t fight.” ”Stay out of it.”

“Am I right?” ”You two seem close.” ”Violence is wrong.”

Episode 6:

“Yes.” ”We’re going to sleep together?” ”What does that mean?”

Be bait. Distract him. Do nothing.

Episode 7:

“You shouldn’t get used to it.” ”It’s sad.” ”It’s frustrating.”

“Thank you.” ”Aren’t I heavy?” ”The rain won’t stop.”

Episode 8:

“Really?” ”Why?” ”No way.”

“I knew you’d come.” ”You saved me.” ”You’re late.”

Episode 9:

Hug him. Hold his hand. Touch his injury.

Lean close to him. Stay still. Wake him up.

Episode 10:

Force a smile. Stare back at him. Look away.

“Don’t steal it.” ”Really?” ”Please steal it.”

Episode 11:

“Are you okay with that?” ”That’s sad.” ”I don’t get it.”

“I wanted to see you.” ”I can’t accept this.” ”I want to congratulate you.”

Episode 12:

Go inside. Watch and wait. Ask someone.

“Don’t go.” ”Just a little while longer.” ”Let’s run away.”

[journeytoasoberlife]

Day 5.

Today I've had many thoughts around my emotional stability and when I'll be able to see it plateau. Having a cluster b personality disorder will blur those lines, but that's something I've come to recognize. I'm unsure of the sober side of that, making it uncharted territory for me, which is harder to navigate.

I woke up this morning and continued doing laundry, I filed my weekly unemployment, applied for more jobs and tried to keep busy. I had to remind myself that I'm not a failure with this, the last two jobs I've had I was treated very poorly and got the shit end of the stick in the worst way. Where I normally filled my morning with mimosas or a seltzer, I'm drinking more coffee, which should be water but whatever. I am using nicotine to fill those gaps, which I'm currently fine with.

I hung out with my friend Alex today, she's 8 months sober. Before her sobriety we would drink the entire time we were together. It was a nice change of pace and I'm so proud of her journey. I too will be there one day. We got pizza and I learned that I am not a fan of basil in mocktails, I mean seriously, who thought of that?

My hiking boots will be here tomorrow and I'll spend some of my day breaking them in. I'm also meeting with another friend that I've recently reconnected with.

It's currently 11:52 pm and I know I won't be able to sleep for a while. Not going to bed high or tipsy is something I'm still struggling with. During the peak of my alcoholism I wasn't really sleeping, though that also was work related. I would maybe get 3-4 hours if I was lucky, waking up every ~2 hours almost like clockwork.

My emotions took a shit on me tonight, too. By that time I would've easily been on my 3-4 cider and would either be ignoring my emotions or in a full blown breakdown. I think writing these every night gives me the outlet I didn't know I needed or willingly ignored if I'm being honest.

I've been trying to eat more regularly but I haven't been putting as much energy into it as I should. T and I would get breakfast every morning and that was a nice shift for me. I know I won't be able to go to one of my favorite spots for a bit because I always drank there, but I do make good breakfast when I put some effort in. I really need to go shopping but I keep ignoring it. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. I'll also have to get another Elf Bar, the one I bought while T and I were out is killer on my throat and I know my good one will go bad soon, my novo could work if it dies and but that doesn't have nearly enough nicotine in it.

Things are adding up and I'm nervous about the weeks ahead. Will is coming home soon and my life will shift again, and I'm unsure how I'll be able to navigate that as well. He drinks a lot and while he was more than supportive, I'm worried about it.

I keep having to remind myself that I pulled out of this once before, and that was way worse than this time around. I spent the better half of 2019 drunk in a bar alone, waking up the next morning wondering how I was even able to drive home. That was the 5 year anniversary of my moms death and I couldn't shake it. I was living alone, having broken up with my partner, spiraling and wanting to die. I don't want to be in that place again, ever.

I'm worried that people will find me to be a liability, and in turn won't want to be in my life. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about something like that but there's people I never want to lose, even if the road gets rocky. I'm trying to be enough for myself, which I've never attempted before and quite frankly, I'm scared. I always made the joke that I was rawdogging life because I'm not medicated for my depression and anxiety, but now I'm really doing it and that's scary too.

I'm hoping for an easier day tomorrow. Hopefully I can find it.

Anyway, goodnight tumblr.

[lalie4l]

I ddon't know wtf is wrong with me, I always tend to fuck things up, everrrydamntiiime. I lost the only girl I truly love the most, I haven't really fully lost her but damn I feel like each day I'm loosing her, she's the only girl I truulllyyy love man...... Just when I planned things, for her, for us, for meeee, for our futuuure. Wtf maaaaan I don't know wtf is wrong with me. I'm guessing it's all those karma. Damn I don't know if I ever get to school this next sy, but probably I really won't jud, we can't. Fuck this man jxjdjx I love her so much. Lately I've been sleeping late, waiting for your possibly messages, notifications and everything. Switching apps to apps just to get a few words from you. Even if tug Na ka, I still stay up, I dunno, I just... Love you. Sleeping 4 just tk make sure tulog najud ka, waking up 8 just to greet you goodmornings. I know you don't ask for this but, I want toooo, it's the only thing that makes me feel like we're still.... Together, I miss you so bad. I've been so luspad lately, not eating that much like how I usually do like for real this time, no gana, eyes hurt from crying every kadlawn, lipong lipong. I don't want to loose youuu babyyyy, ikaw nalang juy naka sabut nako, maminaw nako, mo katawa sa ako jokes, ma lingaw kuyug nako, love ko genuinely. I miss you baby, sooo much. I dont want to loose you, and right now, I feel like I am. I miss you baby, I'm sorry if I can't give you the future that you wanted puhon, maybe I don't get as high as salary as you, or jxjdjx baby please I don't wanna loose you jud jxjdjx I'm madly Inlove with you. I don't know what's the point of this, I'm just typing my thoughts, and right now, the o ly thing in my head is you and how I hate to loose you. I LOVE YOU, Lalaine Joy Lusica Naldoza

I LOVE YOUUUUU

Please, ayawg ka wala ka ako life, ikaw rajuy tao jud Na akong ganahan og ikaw rajuy tao Na jxjdjx arguhgjdbdn bastaaaa xhjdhd

Ikaw ray nakasabut, maka sabot og mo sabut nako

I LOVE YOU, LALIE

PS I'm madly I love with you

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Part 22 - Just One of Dem Days (Set in 2021)

Note: This is set in a universe where Men VS Women / Intergender matches can happen.

Chapter 1: here Chapter 2: here Chapter 3: here Chapter 4: here Chapter 5: here Chapter 6: here Chapter 7: here Chapter 8: here Chapter 9: here Chapter 10: here Chapter 11: here Chapter 12: here Chapter 13: here Chapter 14: here Chapter 15: here Chapter 16: here Chapter 17: here Chapter 18: here Chapter 19: here Chapter 20: here Chapter 21: here

Tags: @piratewithvigor @tantamount-treason @thedollmaker16 @janetreader

Around 2000 Words. 18+ in places (those chapters will be marked as ‘Mature / sexual content’ just to be safe). Please inform me if you wish to be tagged or untagged from posts. If the text is in italics and orange it’s Kirby’s inner monologue. If the text is coloured but not in italics, it’s either dialogue or a P.O.V change (P.O.V changes will be in bold and translated dialogue will appear in square [ ] brackets), Key below. Quick note on Geia’s text colour: Yes I do know that as Greed she should be in yellow but I decided to colour the men’s dialogue yellow so Geia was changed to be pink like the other women in the story outside of the main 8.

The Main 8: Damo - Bio. Vi - Bio. Billie - Bio. Geia - Bio. Kirby - Bio. Honey - Bio. Eli - Bio. Sara - Bio.

Kirby's P.O.V:

Kirby's uncle Bran spends the night sleeping on the couch, waking up at 10 am, on Saturday the 3rd of September, to the smell of Kirby cooking breakfast.

“Good lord kid, ya oul dear taught ya well.” He yawns, scratching his stubble as he gets up, joining Kirby in the kitchen.

“You still take ya coffee with milk and two sugars, Uncail [Uncle]?” She smiles softly at him, looking up from the pan of bacon and eggs.

“Indeed I do, have ya been cryin’ banphrionsa [princess]?”

“Dhúisigh mé ó nightmare, Tá Eddie fós ina chodladh agus ní raibh mé ag iarraidh é a dhúiseacht. Mar sin, tá [I woke up from a nightmare, Eddie is still asleep and I didn't want to wake him. So, yes].” Kirby nods, her uncle pulls her into a gentle hug, stroking her hair.

“Ya Aintín [Aunt] will be here soon, as will ya col ceathracha [cousins]. Ceart go leor [okay]?”

“Aye [yes].” She whispers, leaving her uncle to finish making breakfast, when she gets a text from her cousin Branwen, Bran’s only daughter.

Kirby goes to the front door, seeing the taxi pull up with her Aunt Meinir and her cousins Mostyn, Darach and Branwen stepping out.

“Don’t panic,” Darach jokes, “We haven’t brought the kids to tire out Aintín fathach [Giant aunt].”

Darach, forever the jokester, married to a lovely German lass.

“Nor have we brought the wives, or Branwen’s hubbie.” Mostyn adds.

Mostyn, Moss, the brawn of the trio. His wife’s a beautiful Native Canadian lady.

“I’ll help you wit’ the twins, banphrionsa dragon [dragon princess].” Branwen smiles softly.

Branwen, the brains, now a McCormick, her husband a half-French half-Irish gent with a mean right hook.

“Get yer butts in there before the house gets cold.” Meinir, Bran’s Wife, scolds her three kids, hugging Kirby gently when she enters the house.

If ever a tornado was named something Welsh, it would be named after her. As her name would suggest via its meaning, she’s tall, slender and beautiful, even at 69.

“Before you ask, this place is rented, and the twins are asleep in the nursery, don’t wake my sons nor my husband. Ed’s a grump in the mornings, and I don’t need the New Yorker being a grump, right now.” Kirby explains, leading the tiny percentage of her family to the kitchen first.

She takes over making breakfast from her Uncle Bran, quickly serving the group up a hearty breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, beans, all the things her and her family are used to. She even remembers how the group takes their coffee and tea. Bran, coffee, two sugars and a dash of milk. Meinir, tea, black as she cannot have milk. Moss, coffee, one sugar, no milk, strong and sweet. Darach, tea, milky and with two sugars. Branwen, water, not a fan of tea or coffee.

“Holy fuck!” Eddie yelps, nearly falling on his ass when he sees Kirby’s cousins.

“Oh, we should have sat down, Moss.” Darach murmurs as he sips his tea.

“Ya think? I know I’m tall, but you two are tall and broad.” Kirby shakes her head, kissing Eddie’s forehead.

Moss, 6’5”, and Darach, 6’3”, look down at the floor in shame. Their 5’4” sister chuckles as she looks at them.

“And these guys are?” Eddie asks, using Kirby as a shield, having not gotten dressed yet and still in just his rosaries, boxers and a tank-top.

“Ooh, Dara, Kirby married a real New Yorker, maybe a Catholic too?” Moss whispers.

“Eddie, you met my Uncle Bran last night, this is his wife, Meinir, and his kids, my cousins, Mostyn, Darach and Branwen. Consider yourself lucky that they didn’t bring their spouses, or kids, this place would be nearly full.”

“How many kids do you have?” Eddie asks them, a look of total confusion on his face.

“Me and Gen have six, our eldest is eighteen, youngest is three.” Mostyn answers first.

Darach follows his lead, “Myself and Gertie have five, our eldest is fifteen, youngest is also three.”

Branwen is the last to answer, “Me and My hubbie, Faron, have four, Taliesin, Samuel, Rainbow and Quintella.”

“Ooh, Moss, has Eadberht said anything about proposing to his girlfriend yet?” Kirby asks.

“Oh no, he hasn’t said anything about proposing to Nerida, I think he’s a bit scared.”

“Aww, I was looking forward to annoying him about that.”

“Don’t worry, Ker, ya still the baby of the family.” Darach chuckles.

Eddie watches, stunned into silence, as Kirby and her cousins talk back and forth in Irish and Welsh, mentioning name after name, the occasional English word being spoken.

“Eddie, you a’ight?” Kirby asks, gently wrapping her arms around his neck.

He wraps his arms around her waist instinctively, “I have no idea, what any of, what you said for the past ten minutes means.”

“Luckily for you, none of it was important. Me and Branwen are gonna feed the twins, okay?”

“A’ight, Ma, I love ya.” Eddie whispers, kissing her gently before letting her go.

From the nursery, Kirby and Branwen can hear Bran, Moss and Dara questioning Eddie.

“So, what are the kids' names?” Moss asks.

“Emir and Ethan.” Eddie answers confidently.

“No, no,” Dara chuckles, “their full names.”

“Oh fuck,” Eddie’s confidence drops, “Emyr Fah-lawn Peri-der Ariel Moore and Ethan Lore-can Gwin Joel Moore.”

“Pretty decent for a non-Irish speaking ‘Irishman’.” Bran announces his approval, making both of Kirby’s male cousins shut up.

“Kirby,” Branwen whispers, “Say their full names, go.”

Kirby chuckles softly, shaking her head before pronouncing her boys names perfectly, “Emyr Faolán Peredur Ariel Moore and Ethan Lorcán Gwin Joel Moore. There, Branwen, ya happy?”

She nods and chuckles softly as she finishes feeding Emyr, handing him to Kirby. Kirby carries both boys into the kitchen with her. Kirby smirks and shakes her head as she watches Eddie wrestle with his belt.

“Babe, help.” Eddie mouths when he sees her.

Kirby hands the twins to their father and fixes his belt buckle, “How the fuck did you bend the metal of this?”

When Eddie doesn’t answer she looks up at his face, his line of sight directly going to her rear.

“Edward.” She grumbles.

Moss and Dara chuckle softly.

“Sorry, Ma, what?” Eddie’s face goes pink from embarrassment.

“How did you bend the metal of the belt buckle?”

“I don’t know, fuckin’ wit’ it too much?” He shrugs.

“‘Fuckin’ wit’ it too much’?” She mockingly asks, teasing her husband.

“Fucked wit’ you too much, got these two as a result.” He teases back, sticking his tongue out at his wife.

Kirby copies his actions, “Doughboy.” she whispers.

“Doll.” Eddie murmurs.

“Wild Card.”

“Punk Rock Princess.”

“Papi.”

“Ma.”

“Bite me.” She smirks.

“Did ya take ya anxiety meds, and ya iron supplements?”

“Yes, as soon as I woke up.”

“You got any more family showin’ up?”

“Ya might wanna pray, ‘cause I don’t know.” Kirby whispers.

“Take one of the Princes then.”

Kirby takes Ethan from his father, letting Eddie use his rosaries to say a small prayer.

“Hey little guy,” Kirby starts baby-talking to her son when he opens his eyes, his blue eyes staring up at her own, “How’s my little dude doing? Huh, baby boy, how is you doing my love?”

“You’re so cute, Ma.” Eddie murmurs, making Kirby blush a bright pink.

“Sorry, I got a bit lost in my thoughts.”

“I wish I got that on video, I would have watched it over and over.”

“He looked at me, you know I gotta talk to him if he looks at me.”

“I know,” Eddie wraps his free arm around her waist, “I love you, Kirby.”

“I love you too, Eddie… my Edward, my King of Diamonds.”

“My Kirby, my Dragon Princess.” He smirks.

“Did you like last night?” She asks softly.

“If Jon and Renee weren’t there, it would have been perfect.”

“It’s the closest thing to actually being in either a nightclub, or strip club with me.”

“I know, it’s also much more private and personal.” He whispers, kissing her jawline and the scar on her cheek.

“What’s gotten you so affectionate this morning?”

“I guess it’s just one of them days.” He winks.

“Did you go through my music?”

“Yep. You left your ‘Moody’ playlist up.”

“Don’t blame that on me, blame it on Spotify.” She murmurs, sipping her can of decaf coffee.

Eddie grabs a can of Red Bull, and they both head to sit on the couch next to each other. Moss turns the tv on, flicking through the channels until he gets to the sport, putting on a game of Rugby, Ulster v Dragons.

“Why don’t you put on some wrestlin’?” Eddie asks.

“Because,” Kirby sips her coffee, “As a family who runs a wrestling promotion, if we want to watch wrestling, we will watch something from our archives.” She explains.

“How far do the archives go back?”

“Oh jeez… Uncail, how far do our archives go back, with the tapes?”

Kirby’s Uncle Bran steps back inside, holding his cigarette outside of the patio doors, “Our taped archives?”

“Yeah, not the written stuff but the filmed stuff.” Kirby nods.

“I would think back to when Naoise started wrestling, so nineteen-sixty, maybe nineteen-fifty-nine? I would have to check. But it’s somewhere around then.”

“Oh wow,” Eddie mumbles, “That’s a lot of footage.”

“Yeah, most of it’s been digitised now too, so we’ll be able to go back, and use the footage to teach generations ahead.” Bran explains before stepping outside to finish his cigarette.

“Hey Da, can I bum a smoke off ya?” Dara asks as he steps outside.

“Take one of ya sister’s.” Bran grumbles.

“Here, and don’t tell my husband, he thinks I’ve switched to the robot.” Branwen chuckles softly.

“Switched to the robot?” Eddie asks Kirby softly.

“Switched to an electronic cigarette or vape. It’s something that my Uncle Rhod came up with.” She murmurs, engrossed in the rugby game.

“Sweetheart.” Eddie puts his hand on her thigh, getting her attention off the tv.

“Yes, Eddie?”

“You gonna explain what’s goin’ on?”

“With what?”

Eddie gestures towards the tv, “I don’t watch this stuff, you know me, Knicks, Yankees, that kinda stuff I watch.”

“Oh,” She smiles softly, leaning back and keeping Ethan close to her chest, “So you have Ulster, northern Irish, and The Dragons, a Welsh team. Currently The Dragons, the team Moss and Dara will want to win, are beating the asses of Ulster. You know how you have leagues and stuff?”

“Yeah, this works the same?”

“Yep. U.R.C, United Rugby Championship, if The Dragons win, they go on to face Edinburgh or The Sharks, depending on who wins that game.”

“Okay, and who are the Sharks?”

“They’re a South African team.”

“And why don’t you guys support Ulster?”

“Divorce him.” Moss grumbles.

“He’s askin’ why we don’t support Ulster, Moss, nothin’ more.”

“We don’t support ‘em, ‘cause they fuck the British willingly.” Mostyn scoffs

“Jesus, Moss. Right, long story short, we don’t support Ulster ‘cause they’re northern Irish, our ancestry comes from the republic.”

“Oh…” The weight of Moss’ statement dawns on Eddie, “So if I were to support Ulster, your family would hate me?”

“Don’t even mention them by name.” She whispers.

Eddie nods, putting a finger to his lips, indicating that he’ll stay silent. Instead Eddie focuses on Emyr, both him and Kirby watching as his son, Emyr, yawns and opens his eyes. Green eyes meeting green eyes. Son staring up at his father, reaching for his face, or rather the blur that takes up most of Emyr’s vision. Eddie in his ‘I hope you suffer’ tank top and a pair of jeans, timbs on but unlaced, rosaries hidden between his white and black tank-tops. Emyr in a small ‘kiss me I’m Irish’ onesie, a gift from his maternal grandmother, Kirby’s Mam, Oda.

“I hope one day, you’ll grow up to find a woman, or hell, a man, who is as amazing as ya mother, Emyr.” Kingston whispers, kissing his eldest son on the  head.

“Kingy, that has gotta be one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said.” Kirby whispers, receiving a gentle kiss on her cheek scar.

[athenaevm]

vent (tw dysphoria and anxiety and dissociation and involuntary physical responses to those)

i feel like my body and mind are rebelling and idrk why

i can usually depersonalise in a snap, one second i am in my body, the next it is a vacant husk and i just sit in a blank void

not great, but it works

but lately i feel stuck in this shell. everything is so vivid and atrocious. every sound feels like touching a chalkboard. all light feels like daggers in my eyes. so i just sleep when i can, leading me to sleep ~13h last night, despite not falking asleep until 6a. i had to miss school.

the dysphoria is compounding and recompounding, every day i feel worse in this flesh, with this height, this chest, this voice, this body hair

even my weight, something which never ever bothered me, now does because it is proof of my bodily requirement of consumption, the worst thing i am forced to do every day besides sleep

my body too is in rebellion. i have been randomly dry heaving, though it stopped yesterday, and my abs hurt a lot from it. any conversation with another causes a physical response and idk how to deal with that

my parents keep trying to be involved in my life, an honourable pursuit, but every single word they say hurts my brain and makes me ill.

i feel watched constantly, both internally and externally. my peers are watching me and plotting against me, i just know it, even as i know this is completely irrational. the only way to be safe is to escape all real-life contact, but what about the internal watching? a litte over a year ago i started hearing a voice that would take my anxiety and amplify it, and it has been dormant for a year now but i just know it is lying in wait. i feel like a guest in this body, like i stole it 8 years ago, and i just want to give it back if i did. i am 90% certain this is delusion and psychosis, but it felt so real and i had an unexplained possession event a few years ago that makes me question everything about my consciousness. is this an experiment, running an illness-riddled mind in a simulated world to see how it'll react? i keep waiting to wake up and i keep being disappointed!

everybody is a menace when they could be carrying any number of weapons on their person, or worse yet be the unwitting carrier for a disease.

this pandemic is still in full swing, literally fucked up the last month for me, and nobody is showing care for the issue, it has become a joke. actual genocidal tendencies. how can one care about fucking and looking good more than about the safety of the disabled? this is the most obvious moral stance to me, and i almost exclusively follow the three laws ffs. just don't harm others.

i play multiple characters on here but what is a me? how do people have a sense of self? everything feels like masking. at least i have this hunger for all the information i can find but sometimes even that disappears and i am left with nothing besides the mindless consumption of content.

i have too many friends, around 4. but i have started to value them, much to my chagrin. maybe reconnecting with that one was a mistake, i am in no state to be friends with somebody i live just 20 minutes away from

do know that nothing here was written with a clear mind, but rather is a dump of everything i think in this moment.