#now and forever in perpetuity
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So…… SAG-AFTRA next?
#wga strike#these contacts are already evil in terms of copyright to the point you feel you are selling your soul�� but hell this is selling your soul#now and forever in perpetuity#just sayinnnn join the strike before they all replace us with ai#AI
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chiens-loups
#''it strikes me that i know that girl'' <- lines that sit in your head forever and ever. narrative parallels of all time#thoughts#my art#les mis#javert#eponine#victor hugo said we've had nice parallels between a middle aged man and a young girl. now it's time for fucked up parallels#i had a whole collection of these w the two of them about parallels/cycles/javert perpetuating the same system that hurt him. but#they're barely sketches so i'll just post this on its own#there's a version of this with ghostly dogs things curled around them which was fun to do but felt a little too silly/reductive/unclear#so i took it out. altho i had a fun bit abt how their different collars represented their character#also not completely sure how i picture eponine but trying things out. i was really thinking abt how in her first appearance hugo emphasizes#that she is still a child even though she doesn't see herself that way & she's been forced to grow up quickly & was sort of trying to#reflect that. the odd area in mid teenage idk#still not Entirely happy with how i've structured/positioned it but it's been sitting on my computer for weeks so i may as well post it
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perpetual mourning is such a good story and it reminds me of why i love batman so much
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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but what if they were iced cream!!!
#my art#oc tag#oc: jitter#UAGUA IT WAS FUN SOFTENING THEIR EDGES#this is SUCH material for an au ive had kicking in the back of my brain.#im sorry they are perpetually meltyshiny and probably sticky. i think it just looks the cutest forever#instead of clownjester adjacent theyre a circus stuntmandaredevil <3#theyre an adrenaline junkie now look at their lil jumpsuit#i think jitter as they r normally if u kissed them itd feel like poprocks and taste kinda like burnt sugar#if u kissed this jitter itd feel like sodapop carbonation and cool enough to make ur teeth ache#and taste like cherry#.exhibit: jitter#.menagerie
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Sometimes when I'm birdwatching
#sometimes when i’m birdwatching#birds#caco#zion national park#it's cool to be able to read the wing tags#and learn the birds' histories#this dude is j3#he was soaring with his son#1k#1k has the distinction#of having been the 1000th condor#entered in the breeding program records#from 22 remaining birds#to now#more than 30 years later#three different populations#flying free#still critically endangered#perpetually on the brink#of winking out forever#lead poisoning#avian flu spread by poultry flocks#j3's mate died of avian flu this year#but he's been soaring with another bird#a young female#and the volunteer who was kind enough to share with us#says he hopes they'll continue nesting at this site
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i cannot fucking wait for this show to be over so i never have to think about this shitty company ever again
#the show will be ours now. they abandoned it#ftr i think the idea that rvb 'should have ended' at any point is stupid. rvb is a show that can run in perpetuity if you have good writers#i think 'it shouldve ended' is a very lazy critique. its one thats been lobbied against rvb since the end of season 5#if later seasons have problems its not because the show went on too long. its because the writing was poor#and saying that 'it shouldve ended' is saying that a decline in quality is inevitable.#and that both lets the bad writing off the hook and condescends to the writers.#this has become. a comepletely different conversation.#well i just wanted to clarify. i am happy its ending for purely political reasons. in a perfect world i would keep getting more rvb foreve
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the fact that the roomie is gone for the weekend and i haven't had a single panic attack today. actually, i've felt pretty okay. normal.
the LACK of dissociation is fucking insane.
anyways, found the source of my flashbacks lol
and oh baby, when i really get my shit back together enough... this will be wonderful fuel for the flames for whump nonsense against that poor blonde man. <3 maybe.... just maybe, he'll get a hell of a lot of comfort.
#personal#ptsd is a HELL of a thing#i think i'll be alright when i'm on my own#that feels less scary now#a perpetual state of survival is exhausting and it's so so so easy to latch on to leon bcuz of that#sure im not dealing with zombies but i am dealing with forever life-altering trauma that gave me brain damage#or it probably did im sure my brain's fucked up#putting bandaids on my brain wrinkles#brains are weird
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PERPETUA ARC 2 SCRIPT IS DONE!!
#perpetua progress notes#globeland perpetua#i might add more scenes and make edits but YAYYY its finished now ! huzzah!#be warned though . this arc is heavy in terms of subject matter#hey guys if you liked the sol comic i cannot promise that you will enjoy this given that its a script and not a comic#(not yet at least. maybe one day!)#but it is the story i've been working on for like forever now. perpetually you might say.
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What if Hell was just a big pot of perpetual stew? Oh you killed 5 people in cold blood then stole candy from babies? Sorry you're going in the Forever Sin Soup
#So apparently perpetual stews are real and I want to make one with friends now I think it'd be fun#I thought you had to have a microbiome based food to do that#like how you use the bacterial or yeast growth from sourdough starters and fermented drinks#I want to learn the science behind it now I'm so fascinated by it#people are so so cool I love people#jesus is the original forever soup#what if instead of wine he turned water into soup is that anything?#anyways that's my rambles for the day they can't all be bangers#I gotta talk about soups and stews instead of jesus#ex christian#religious trauma
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The duality of life is so crazy. I was back on campus today, I’ve been feeling pretty ancient all week because it’s been frosh week which means I have to deal with the fact that this year’s class graduates in 2028 (that’s not a real year) and were born in 2006 and 07, years that I can remember writing in the margins of a school notebook.
I'm walking around campus for the beginning-of-year campus clubs fair, and it's all, people love me, people think I'm cool, people are coming up to me saying they like my fit, in the meanwhile I'm internally getting jumpscared thinking wait; these incredibly well-dressed kids are approaching me whilst I'm shovelling fucking peanuts into my mouth out of a bag in my tote bag
There comes a point when you officially get Older and become invisible to cool young tiny things, and then you can do whatever you want because they sort of stop noticing you. I've been feeling a bit old this week, I'm at Big Person work, everyone around me is like half a decade younger, we're at quite different stages in our lives, I've been thinking. But I also have the sort of face that would pass me for a 19 y/o clearly, because these kids all have pulled me in like I'm some sort of counter culture bohemian trendsetting cool kid, and whatever the hell that means, it's definitely instantly made me feel a lot younger and connected with 'the youth'
#it's funny saying that because I am literally the exact age that you'd call youth#but if you're in a student-y area you're bound to feel old the minute you hit 22 because you're now older than 3/4 of undergraduates#fellas. I am not 22. I feel fucking historic sometimes. The kids look at me in awe because I saw Greta van Fleet live in 2019.#That was not even their first tour but these kids were 14 when that happened. I was old enough to go alone#(This is also why I have been feeling like I've got to move eventually. Student towns are great at perpetually being 21#You go to a real city and the young people are 30#Also my planned city is where all my favourite bands tour so it's a win-win#it's just I've been So Scared because I don't know anyone in said city and I work remotely out of elsewhere#Eventually I will take the plunge. Maybe next year! It'll be a bitch to rebuild but you know. Can't stay stagnant forever)#chitter chatter#I'm still a little thrown off when cool-looking people think I'm cool. My mum thinks I dress like a slob lol
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wait no sorry one last quick immature bitch moment
the more I find out about how this person has behaved in both this relationship and a bunch of other relationships, the funnier it is how much they like to set themselves up as a like. authority on ethical nonmonogamy and consent and conflict management.
when like. they constantly sexually assault people to prove a point, pressure their partners into shit, got into enm by cheating on 3 people concurrently, and literally every time a problem in their orbit is brought up it gets explained away without anything actually changing, or they cry about how hard it is until everyone says OH NO IT'S FINE DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
you know. very "call yourself a Community Organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates" energies.
#red said#I'm mad tbh i know in being bitchy but this blog is my safe space to be bitch on#and this shit has been building up for years. not even just in my relationship with their partner. since the first time i meet them#in like 2018#and having this chat with my pal last night now I'm no longer second guessing myself bc of my relationship has uhhh Crystalised Some Things#especially getting some new context on where a lot of the tensions and sensitivities I've been aware of for ages are from#also tbh when we broke up my ex led off with 'i know you think this is about [partner] but it's not' and i was like. it is though.#it's not the only thing but it's been a common thread through every piece of tension in that relationship#not saying if the partner wasn't there we'd have been together forever. i don't think that's true and I'm glad things went the way they did.#cause w were good for each other and breaking up was also good for us#but their partner has really caused me so so so so so much turmoil for years and i haven't felt able to acknowledge that cause it makes me#feel like an asshole. but like. OK SO I'M AN ASSHOLE. I'M FUCKING MAD AT THEM.#they are manipulative and controlling and they treat their partner like shit and they have perpetually made my life worse#i like a lot of things about them and i do feel for them. we share a lot of similar issues and i do understand how they feel a lot.#but fuck me they treat everyone around them so badly and a good chunk of the reason i ended things with their partner#is that i was so fucking sick of being told i was wrong and just didn't understand how hard they had it whenever i brought up#one of the many many many shitty things they did to me or to our partner or to our friends.#multiple times i left a situation in a fully fucked up mess and my partner came to apologise for how their partner has behaved#and within minutes it would turn into them explaining to me how it wasn't really their fault and i shouldn't be so hard on them#and like fuck that. had enough of that in my life with my previous ex.#anyway. yeah. i am probably being more didactic and aggro here than i genuinely feel. but there's some room for that anger i think#and i did get some room for it to breathe last night and that's good and helpful.
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one thing about me is that i live in a perpetual state of longing for the next stage. i'm never satistfied with the season- i yearn for it for months and then wish it away once it arrives. i turn these ages i've always idolized and spend them idolizing the future.
it's a habit i truly resent, but i cannot help but to fall back into it. i can only wish that one day i'll be able to stop and take in the bliss of what i'm surrounded by--i try whenever i catch myself in the same cycle of longing, but it always lasts only a day or two before i'm back at it.
#i need fall and i need it now#im 18 but i cant wait to be 21#but i also want to be a teenager forever#beeby yaps#beeby core#perpetual longing#chaotic academia#help
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i really want to sit down and make a proper Real lore doc for these goobers and not just the paragraphs of shtuff from whatever-ago, but like....... (buries myself underneath the dirt) lazy!!!!!!!
#i literally forgot to mention in dvorak's profile that they act like that because they believe they're the chosen one lmaoooo (stupid)#bro thought they were above morality and standards! cringe! out here like ''i will do literally everything in my power to learn at any cost#''chosen one'' like. ''oh yeah i am allowed to defy anything because i learn and i chart things on behalf of the atlas and i am Good At It'#they're *almost* -null- esque but like...#omg they would HATE -null- so much LMAOOO good thing they do NOT cross paths#i mean dvorak is still convergent and i dont think has that much exposure to the anomalies/travellers#at least not to the degree that the player character traveller does so idk!#also unlike -null- dvorak learns the power of friendship and is just like#perpetually in Atonement Mode now. they did some really fucked up stuff and then realized#uh. maybe that was not good! and not justified! even though you thought it was! bestie. your devotion was dangerous and harmful!#pre-redemption dvorak would have probably literally stripped teluya for parts and prodded at their corruption#post-redemption dvorak is extremely overprotective of teluya and more or less plays Doctor for them.#tbf teluya's corruption takes technological form but also is physically present inside of their chassis through potentially biomechanical-#-means so it's not like this is unwarranted (SORRY FOR THE GROSS TELUYA LORE THEY'RE WEIRD!!) but dvorak is So careful#they have to be lest they trip the sleeping corruption and just cause a complete overwrite of teluya's conscience inside of the chassis#science win! this anxious blue critter is a (figurative) ticking time bomb#anyway considering their shady awful past they're very knowledgeable on all sorts of things#including but not limited to korvax life cycles and by this i mean the return to the echoes#i feel like a part of their atonement would revolve around them facilitating the ease of returning for those at the end of their life#so some kind of korvax psychopomp of sorts. it's a good way to atone considering the... everything#ANYWAYYYY I COULD TALK FOREVER ABOUT THEM (them being dvorak but them being the trio)
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our life has really just wormed its way into my brain and it will never leave. don't even want it to. it makes me feel so many things, but "safe" is the prominent feeling. i really do love it
#needs more people making content tho#i might even try writing again just to indulge in more content#yes i have many plans to draw stuff but it is not enough for me LOL#need more#perpetually#as is evident by my constant reblogging of it#cant wait for ol2 and the baxter dlc#really can't. my constant state is 'hyped' which means im jittery most days#ourlife#ourlifeba#ourlifenf#our life beginnings & always#our life now & forever
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extra thoughts but sawashiro hurts my heart so like. yeah we know his character is like sad and tragic but like. REALLY think about it and like let it set in i swear he makes me want to rip my hair out he was just a boy... wish him happiness w like. a Labrador or smthn i dont know dog breeds
i can't really. call sawashiro 100% innocent; the abuse he went through during his adolescence is definitely sad and undoubtedly contributes to his behavior now, but uhhh he still put a newborn baby in a locker LMAO?
sawashiro's agony is purely a product of his own actions. at the very least he's trying to rectify the damage he did, and that's definitely better than him not having any remorse at all
#snap chats#sawashiro's perpetual crime and punishment is my favorite thing ever its so evil#like he Justifiably feels this immense guilt for the stupid shit he did- like he very much should feel awful forever#do we comprehend. putting a baby in a locker. like i joke about it all the time but Truly Honestly#fortunately (or not LMAO) masato survived but he was ultimately left damaged for half his life#lest we neglect to note that masato's condition specifically bred that hatred in him that made him wack as hell so.. uh oops#literal domino effect moment Sawashiro And Ikumi Didn't Get Sex Ed -> Japan's Most Vulnerable Are Being Oppressed pipeline#a set of stupid actions ultimately tarnished someones life. masato sucks but he didnt do anything as a baby to deserve that#in any case the severity of sawashiro's actions and his guilt is so integral to his character and aoki's character honestly#of course he's going to do everything for aoki now- but as a result now aoki's spoiled on that servitude yk#and aoki will never know why sawashiro was that dedicated all he knows is that he can get whatever he wants from him#and of COURSE. NOW we have a bratty 42 y/o LOL#you cant really feel bad for him because the punishment fits the crime- hell some might say its not enough#almost killing a baby is pretty indefensible. like i get why neither of them just gave the baby to an adult#yk TRAUMA and undoubtedly having a general distrust towards adults will influence your actions like that#but to put it in a LOCKER. at the very least they couldve just left it in a basket or somewhere someone could see it#but they put. a baby. in a locker. where it was supposed to wither away like the thousands of other coin locker babies#at most it wouldve been great if the adults in sawashiro and ikumi's lives didn't fail them but.. that aint the timeline we live in#FORGIVE THE RAMBLE i just. love this aspect of sawashiro it's so funny to think about#despite it all he should get a dog tho. for my amusement
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