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mandalhoerian · 2 days ago

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Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

EDIT 3: An Abysswalker connection I found

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...

#love and deepspace #rafayel #lads #lads rafayel #rafayel lads #l&ds #l&ds rafayel #qi yu #rafayel qi #fandom: lads

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quarterlifekitty · 3 days ago

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Okay listen I know I said I would stop but you adding onto könig gave me IDEAS.

Him fucking you while you play on your switch once you two get to his, frankly abysmally plain and sad, apartment in Austria only for him to whine about the switch taking too much of your attention and yoinks it from your hands.

Don't ask how he gets you papers, all that matters is now you're his wife and you're in his home country. Oh, you don't like where he lives? That's okay, he'll pick out a much better place. Oh, you only speak English/your native language? Good. He'll be the only one you need to talk to and he can translate anything you need to read and he'll fill out any silly forms needed.

Hope to god that if you don't want kids that your birth control is a fuckin implant. Though, it will only delay it. Not stop it. He wonders after a month of you living in Austria on top of however fucking long he was deployed near you, and not seeing you take or mention any type of birth control, why you aren't pregnant? Sure, hes.....older.....but that shouldn't be an issue, he read an article about a 68 year old man fathering a new baby a week ago. He's healthy, especially for his size. So just what could it possibly be? He decides to dig into your medical history, just to be sure, you can never be too careful, and there he spots the reason his little maus has yet to take. No worries, he knows a doctor.

Well. This got progressively out of hand. Would you believe me if I said I'm not even a könig main girlie?

I would believe you bc that man takes hold like a virus in your system man

The apartment is just a stepping stone— a family needs a house, he knows that, so he has you help him pick one. And I’m gonna say something. The ones he chooses to take you to and view… he picked based on how you build Minecraft houses. And maybe I’m a weenie, but I don’t think he takes your switch! You can’t really go out because you don’t know the language, and he’s gone for long periods on deployment— it’s good for you to have something to do. If he’s trying to spend time with you, he can just loom over you (you’re getting distracted by his cleavage tbh) and gently pull it away, putting it on sleep mode and on a side table.

And you know what. Perhaps a controversial opinion. He gets hard watching you play animal crossing. The way you decorate your little house and do all of the gardening, cooking, crafting. Taking care of the happiness and needs of all of the cute little animals. You’re already perfect at playing house! You’ve got free rein to use his cards to decorate however you want. Make the house a home, you know? And I don’t know about you, but I always have stuffed animals and cute toys all over my animal crossing house. So, to him, you’re basically already subconsciously ready for a baby.

I doubt reader has an implant in this, because she was terminally celibate before he showed up lol. But I do find the concept soooo funny. That he’s trying to get you pregnant so desperately, but of course he hasn’t told you that at all. He just tells you he’s coming inside and you go okay 💖 yay 💖. So like he could ask if you’re on contraceptives and you’d probably tell him but then he might have to admit to what he’s doing and he’d rather just read your entire medical history lmao. And he totally lies to you about why it has to be taken out. Saying there isn’t really medical care to maintain it in Austria, so you should really just have it taken out now.

And then you ask if it’s ok for him to keep giving you creampies even though your implant is gone. As usual, he says it’s fine— that you can let him worry about that!

#writing #cod fanfic #cod #konig x reader #konig #könig x reader #König #gamer!könig #cw manipulative #cw obsessive

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ultravioletbrit · 23 hours ago

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“setback” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 622 words

TW - self harm

Regulus pushes open the door of the Astronomy Tower and he hears James before he sees him. He follows the sound of soft sniffles and finds James sitting on the floor in a dark corner. His knees are pulled to his chest, his forehead is resting on top of them and his hands are clasps on the ground below them.

Regulus moves slowly and slides down the wall to sit beside James. He reaches out to lay his hand on James’ arm and James flinches at the movement. Regulus knows what that means so he moves his hand to James’ hair instead. He runs his fingers through James’ hair and leans in to kiss his temple.

“I’m here, okay.” Regulus whispers with his lips still brushing James’ temple. “I’m right here.”

James’ sniffles start to turn into a soft cry. “I messed up.” He says between hiccups as his cries turn into quiet sobs.

“Hey.” Regulus shuffles even closer to James and wraps his arm around his shoulders. “You did not mess up—"

“Yes, I did.” James cuts him off and lifts his head to look at Regulus, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “I failed, Regulus. I thought I was getting better, but I messed it all up.”

Regulus moves his hands so he can cup both of James’ cheeks and look at him directly. “You did not mess up. This is not a failure. This isn’t even a setback. This is just part of healing. And healing isn’t linear, you know that.” Regulus tells him.

James rolls his eyes with a scoff. “Such a stupid, cliché line. What does that even mean?”

“It means you had a bad day. But a bad day doesn’t take away all the good days that you’ve had.” Regulus leans his forehead against James’. “You are getting better James. I see it. I see it every day and you’re working so hard. This doesn’t change any of that. This doesn’t make that go away.” He whispers into the small space between them.

James reluctantly nods but doesn’t say anything. They sit like that for a few minutes, breathing together until James’ sobs turn back into sniffles.

Regulus pulls back slightly to look at James. “Can I see?” He asks and James winces. “I just want to clean it and heal it for you, love.” He says softly.

James sighs and slowly turns his arm so Regulus can see the magical cuts on the inside of his forearm. Regulus takes his wand and performs a few cleaning and healing spells until the wounds are closed. Then Regulus takes James’ arm and brings it to his lips and kisses each of the cuts he just healed.

James tenses but doesn’t pull away. “You don’t have to do that.” He mumbles.

“I know I don’t.” Regulus whispers.

He maneuvers them so he can slide behind James and pull him back to lean against his chest. “I love you.” Regulus tells him after a few quiet moments.

“Thank you for loving me even though I’m like this.” James says so quietly Regulus isn’t sure if he was supposed to hear.

But he did hear, and he squeezes James around the waist before tangling their arms together to hold him close. “I love all of you, James. I don’t love you even though you’re like this. I don’t love you in spite of this. I love all of you. Every part of you. And some parts you’re working on right now. And that’s okay because I’m going to keep loving them. I’m going to keep loving you.” He pulls James impossibly closer and James melts into him.

“I love you so much, Regulus.” James tells him quietly after a few minutes.

Regulus smiles softly and kisses James’ temple again. “I love you, too.”

————

so, this was going to be a sad james fic as a belated birthday gift for @calamitoustide, which probably seems like a weird fic to gift, but gabby writes one of the best sad jameses and this was supposed to be a small nod to their sad james. but this ended up being a bit sadder than i intended. oops.

still, it will never be nearly as good as gabby’s sad james and i truly love him so much. i hope you had a great birthday, gabby. and i hope my sad james didn’t make you too sad.

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soft-beams · 11 hours ago

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Hellooooooooo

Ok first off I LOVE YOUR WORK THERE SO GOOD AND SO WELL WRITTEN THAT I WANNA EAT THEM TO GAIN POWER

Second I wanna submit a request if that’s ok

An x reader with Vi where the reader is touch repulsed but at the same time touch staved?? How would Vi react to that and how would they as a couple get through it and make reader comfortable with being touched in an affectionate way ?

I have no clue if this makes sense

This is me self reflecting and it shows I’m sorry

If you don’t want to write it I completely get it you don’t have to if you don’t want too.

Thank you

aah thank you so much, lovely!! YOU'RE TOO KIND!!! and this was such an interesting prompt to get, thank you for sending it!! hope you enjoy!

vi notices that you don't like being touched.

she sees how you shy away from her hands, how you can only last in a hug for a second before you need to escape.

it confuses vi in the beginning, makes her wonder if it's her fault somehow. maybe she's too rough, too heavy-handed. maybe you can only tolerate her from a distance; only allowing her to get close for a moment before it's too much.

it hurts; it fucking does.

and it leads to an argument that has both of you screaming at the top of your lungs. she's furious and confused, and you're furious and crying. it doesn’t end until you're storming out of your shared home, disappearing for hours.

you don't come home until it's midnight, and by that point, vi's called everyone that she knows if they've seen you. she's about to go out herself when the front door suddenly opens, revealing a puffy-eyed and sniffling you. you stare at each other for a moment before vi's reaching for you, her own expression crumpling with the weight of her tears.

you allow her to draw you in, only this time you don't pull away. this time, you withstand it until vi's had her fill. until vi's sure that you're alright and safe and home.

one am finds you both on the couch, facing each other as you fidget with your hands. vi watches you carefully, sees how you struggle to form words before you sigh.

"it isn't you," you begin. "it's never been you. it's just something i've struggled with since i was young." you stay quiet for a second. "being touched freaks me out. i don't like being held for too long because it feels like i can't escape. makes me feel vulnerable..." you close your eyes. "that happened once and i just don't want it to happen again."

vi's heart shatters in her chest, millions of pieces raining down on the pit of her stomach. she feels sick; she feels like she wants to throw up. she wants to punch something, scream, hunt down the very bastard who dared laid their hands on you in such a way.

you who is the sweetest, kindest person she's ever known. subjected to be trapped against your will.

vi swallows, feeling tears well up behind her eyes.

"i'm so sorry," she murmurs softly, and you aim a weak smile her way. "i didn't think that—"

you shake your head. "you couldn't have known," you say. "the sad thing is that i love it when you touch me. when you hold my hand or curl your arm around my waist. when you pull me in for a hug...i love all of it." you then pull in a shaky breath. "but my body can't seem to recognise your touch as safe, and it hurt so much because i want to—" your voice chokes up around a sob and vi's flying across the couch, sitting close to comfort but not close enough to startle.

"hey," she soothes. "i love you so much, y'know that? and love goes beyond touching. it's about how we feel towards each other, and that goes above anything else." she takes a gentle hold of your finger, ensuring you can let go if you wish to. "do i love touching you? yes. but do i love you? more than fucking anything. so don't worry about this, okay? whatever you want to do, we'll do it and go at your pace."

at this point, you're freely sobbing now, tears rolling down your cheeks as you take in shuddering breaths. you use your free hand to wipe at your tears, giving a wobbly smile as you say, "how did i get so lucky with you?"

vi huffs a laugh, eyes soft as she squeezes your finger.

"i ask myself that question about you every single day."

#vi x reader #vi x you #arcane x reader #arcane #arcane league of legends #my writing

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bruhnze · 1 day ago

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Personal Records - Chapter 6

Summary: Uh yeah.. chapters 1-5 are on AO3.. sorry about all of that.. i uhm, that was quite out of character for me.. and I regret doing it

Warnings: Angst, heavy on the angst.. i was in a sad mood. But happy endings eventually, cus u know me :)

Wordcount: 4k - thinking about shorter chapters onwards

It had been one of – if not – the worst days of Lucy’s life…

months earlier they had started a process that had led up to this.. here sitting in a white office at a desk across from a guy nearing 60 wearing a white coat. Their mood, Ona had been there too by the way, yeah, Ona had been there too. Their mood, had done a horrifying one eighty in the span of seconds. With good news they had entered that office that day, only for Lucy to come out of that office completely crushed. It had almost been the worst new that had could come that day… almost Lucy had to remind herself. Because Ona was still there. Maybe she should be grateful she was gay, had even been a thought spinning through her mind. Because what the doctor had told them that day. Or well, reproductive endocrinologist, as the fucker had introduced himself as.

No, she shouldn’t blame him. ‘’Sorry,’’ Lucy cleared her throat and went for a tissue on the coffee table infront of her, ‘’uhm, I don’t really know how to begin.’’

The psychologist infront of her smiled, empathetically, though Lucy hadn’t even looked at her face long enough this session to have noticed. She had made the appointment after Ona had shared with her that she wanted a third child. At the time, that morning in bed.. now a bit more then a week ago, she had smiled at Ona, saying they’d have to think about it. During the following days Ona had pointed out stuff, like she’d done during her first pregnancy – Oh look at that cute baby, oh that’s a nice stroller, its got a cup holder, or, aw see Lucy come see this video, and it’d be a Instagram reels of some older sibling holding a baby. It was clear that Ona had become stuck in some second round of biological urge to reciprocate. But behind all the smiling, agreeing, oh-ing ah-ing and the kisses she’d share with Ona over it - she wasn’t okay.

That was what had let her to this. Making an appointment with a psychiatric. She had wanted her original one, but she turned out to be retired. So she found another one, and here she was. She wanted this help, she knew she needed it. So even if it was painful, she had to tell her story again.

‘’You can just start at the beginning Lucia,’’ the woman smiled, ‘’or if that’s hard you can start by telling me how you feel now, and we’ll see together how or why that is?’’

Lucy nodded with an empty stare, collecting her thoughts.

When it stayed silent much longer the therapist took another try, ‘’you said in your email that your wife asked you if you wanted a third child.’’

Lucy bit her lip and for the first time she looked up at the woman, her eyes where probably red from all the tears she’d left this past twenty five minutes. She didn’t know what it was with settings like these, but when Lucy had to talk to a therapist she just couldn’t keep it dry. It was so embarrassing to her, but at the same time it was so relieving.

The psychologist was a woman lucy took to be about fifty years old, maybe a bit older even. She wore a grey outfit, but her jewelry was gold and green, as were her glasses. Lucy liked the vibes that the woman gave off, she guessed she was a mother too, she had that kind of warmness to her.

‘’I uhm,’’ Lucy tried again, ‘’yes, uhm, Ona, she, uhm Ona is my wife,’’ she explained, the woman nodded patiently, ‘’well, we were laying in bed, the morning after my birthday party, I had let her sleep it had.. uhm,’’ she blushed slightly, ‘’it had become quite late that evening and after I had said goodbye to my friends that had stayed the night because they couldn’t drive back home because they had drank alcohol,’’ she chuckled and looked up at the woman across from her, ‘’uhm, I’m probably telling too much unimportant stuff, am I?’’

The therapist pressed her lips forward and shook her head, ‘’mmmno, you can continue like this, it’s nice for me to create a good image of the situation, you can share as much or as little as you want.’’

‘’Okay, well,’’ Lucy scratched her neck as she continued, ‘’my parents where staying over too, they just left actually, and they took Lucas to breakfast,’’ she looked back up at the woman, ‘’Lucas is our, uhm, my youngest son, he’s four and I have another son he’s called Oliver, he is six, but he was staying over at his uncles house for a sleepover… so uhm, anyways, after everyone had left I went back to our bedroom. I, uhm, was tired still too, and you know,’’ she adjusted the watch on her wrist, her new watch, ‘’I wanted to cuddle with, uhm, with Ona...’’ she trailed off, looking away at one of the ugly paintings on the wall.

‘’Mhm.’’ The psychologist hummed, signaling Lucy to continue.

‘’I, uhh, I don’t know if it’s relevant,’’ Lucy added, looking away at the wall as her cheeks started to turn red from embarrassment, ‘’but Ona and I, uhm, were.. uhm.. had been, uh, you know, we uhh, slept,’’ she took a deep breath, ‘’together that night.’’

There was a moment of silence, before the psychologist broke it, ‘’what do you mean by that?’’

Lucy let out a breathy laugh, ‘’what?’’

‘’Well for example. Do you and Ona normally not sleep in the same bed?’’ The therapist started, ‘’or do you mean you had been intimate that night.’’

‘’Oh no no no,’’ Lucy looked at the woman, ‘’we sleep in the same bed every night, I meant the second option.’’

"Would you say intimacy with your wife happens regularly?’’ the therapist asked with a kind smile.

Lucy tilted her head slightly, ‘’yes?’’

‘’How often would you say it occurs?" the woman asked, looking at the notebook balancing on her knee, ‘’or I mean like, has it changed recently?’’

‘’Uh well,’’ Lucy looked away again, ‘’I’d say before we had the kids it happened quite often… uhm up until we had Oliver and from there there was a period that was.. uhm less active.. I guess up to about three years ago… uhm, yeah, when he started making longer nights, then we picked it up again and I’d say like.. maybe once a week on average..’’ she looked back at the psychologist, ‘’is that good? I mean, and this week two times, once on my actual birthday and once… uhm sorry I’m probably telling tmi.’’

The woman laughed, ‘’you’re allright Lucia, you are even too formal for my liking, but if you feel more comfortable like that, that’s okay.’’ she clicked her pen, ‘’once a week is a very healthy amount, especially with two young kids running around, that can be a challenge.’’ She said kindly, ‘’so, you and Ona where in bed in the morning, after you had let her sleep in.’’ she assisted.

‘’Oh yeah right, so Ona woke up and we cuddled and then I felt there was something, like I could just hear the gears turning in her head you know’’ Lucy looked up at the therapist who nodded agreeing, ‘’I thought she was going to talk about what she’d said the night b-‘’ she blushed furiously, ‘’uhm, something else that we had left to discuss on another moment.. but, uhm yeah, instead she said this.’’

The psychologist looked at her with an arched eyebrow, clearly curious, but didn’t press further.

‘’I.. uh.. I, that was something completely else,.. I don’t think it’s relevant-

‘’- you don’t have to tell me Lucia.’’ The therapist smiled, ‘’tell me what you are comfortable with sharing, then we have the most chance of finding out-

‘’-she asked me if she was too old for getting pregnant again.’’ Lucy blurted out, before looking away again.

‘’I’m sorry what did you say?’’ the woman asked, ‘’could you repeat that’’.

Lucy took a deep breath. She had to be kidding her. ‘’She. Asked. Me. If. She. Was. Too. Old.’’

‘’How old is she?’’ the therapist asked without judgement in her tone.

Lucy nodded as she thought about the question, ofcourse, the therapist didn’t know how old Ona was. ‘’Thirty three, I uhm, she’s thirty three.’’

The psychologist tilted her head and give a careful smile, her eyes searching, ‘’does that bother you? That she’s,’’ she looked at her booklet, ‘’eight years younger?’’

Lucy frowned, ‘’should it bother me?’’ She felt annoyance boil up in her, maybe this therapist wasn’t one that matched with her after all.

‘’No no, wait, maybe I worded that a little awkward,’’ the woman was still smiling kindly at her, Lucy asked herself how she could keep it up for so long, ‘’how do you feel about your age different with your wife?’’

‘’Uhm, mostly it doesn’t affect us.. I think?’’ Lucy took a deep breath as she adjusted on the chair, ‘’she’s wise beyond her years, always has been, and not just with me, with relationship stuff, but like, she had set up a business in her twenties and things.’’

The therapist didn’t miss the sparkle in Lucy’s eyes when she talked about her wife. ‘’Would you say there is anything hard in your relationship with Ona?’’ she asked.

‘’I mean.. don’t all relationships have hard things?’’ Lucy started, she leaned back, ‘’at the beginning of the relationship it was hard for me to accept that Ona was… as wealthy.. as she is.’’ She licked her lips and laughed at the memory, ‘’I mean, when we only knew eachother.. like.. a few weeks, she bought the building I was renting my workspace from.. we eh.. we had a fight about it that day… well, I outed that I didn’t like that, as I had had told her before that I hadn’t wanted her to do that, but when I found out I took some time away from her by taking a walk, and after a couple hours she went looking for me and then… uh..’’ Lucy’s gaze was fixed on the tissue box infront of her, ‘’..I uh..’’ she tried again.

‘’We uh,’’ She swallowed, why was this so damn hard to confess, ‘’I.. have..’’ she looked up, only to bring her gaze directly back to the tissue box again, her face flushing pink, ‘’insecurities.. often.’’ She confided.

When it stayed silent a couple of seconds, lucy looked up carefully.

Her eyes met the kind eyes of the psychiatrist.

She awkwardly swayed her feet back and forth.

‘’it’s kinDa,’’ her voice cracked, she cleared her throat, ‘’kinda is a… reoccurring, uhm, problem for me.. within… my uh, life I guess, maybe more so my life with Ona?’’

The therapist nodded thoughtfully, ‘’could you explain what you mean by that?’’

‘’Well, at that moment it was because she was rich and I… was not.. I, uhm, even had a debt of a couple of grand… that uhm, Ona payed of for me, uhm, later too.’’ She breathed in and out mechanically, ‘’Ona was.. is.. rich, I was poor – Ona is young, I’m old – Ona is.. so so beautiful and I’m.. barely a six.. and,’’ her bottom lip quivered as she spoke, ‘’I’m not jealous about any of those things… just… couldn’t understand she wanted to be with me… but,’’ she bit her lip to keep it from twitching, ‘’I don’t want to be jealous of her I-‘’ the words went over in to sobs as Lucy tried to explain her pain to the therapist.

She tried to recollect herself, blowing her nose in the tissue she still holding and straightening her back as she sat in the chair, ‘’the only..’’ she took another deep breath, ‘’the only.. subject? The only thing I’ve always been jealous about,’’ she looked up at the woman across from her, ‘’the only thing I’ve been jealous about.. and I know it’s very bad and if I think about it deeply it isn’t even true because I rather have it be me than her,’’ heavy tears where rolling down her cheeks by now, ‘’is that I couldn’t carry.. I c-‘’ she dropped her head down and hid her face in her hands, her shoulders heaving with sorrow.

The therapist waited patiently on Lucy to be ready to continue.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Lucy said after cleaning her eyes and nose with two new tissues, ‘’I don’t know why it’s still such a.. such a hard topic for me to talk about.. I went to therapy for it before, I uhm, I told you in the email.’’

The therapist nodded, ‘’and I read your file.’’

‘’Oh.’’ Was all Lucy could bring out. Why the fuck - did she have to go through all of this again then. She looked away from the therapist, playing with the idea of throwing the tissue box at her face. ‘’Why.. eh.. why did you make me tell my story from the beginning then? I don’t..’’ her lip started to tremble again, ‘’why?’’ she looked at the psychologist desperately.

"Sometimes, starting from the beginning helps us uncover things that might not have been explored before." The therapist replied after a beat of silence, "but I understand this feels like a lot to go through again. Let’s take it one step at a time."

Lucy didn’t know if she huffed for real or if she’d just done that in her mind.

´´Sorry,´´ the therapist started, maybe she´d gotten the hint that Lucy hadn’t liked it ´´would it have been better if I had started with telling you that I read your file?’’ She asked.

‘’It’s okay, I don’t know why I hadn’t assumed.. it’s.. uh.. it’s the same practice as.. uh.. then.’’ Lucy stammered.

‘’How do you feel?’’ the therapist asked her.

‘’What, now?’’ Lucy was confused, ‘’or overall, what do you mean?’’

The therapist just smiled and nodded. Much to Lucy’s annoyance.

‘’Right now I feel a little bit frustrated, but it’s not really about you.. uh probably more because I’m just sad and… I don’t know I-.. I-..’’ Lucy took a deep breath as she looked up at the ceiling, ‘’I just,’’ she looked back at the psychologist, ‘’I don’t know why I have these thoughts, you have to understand that I’m happy for Ona and I love our family and-‘’ tears started to well up again, ‘’okay,’’ she felt her heart beating heavily in her chest, ‘’I, uh.. I, when she.. uh.. Ona, said that, last week, I felt all that sadness coming back to me for a moment.. which is.. crazy, you know, because with Lucas I didn’t even have that and now, I’m.. I’m forty one… it’s not like I can even have kids right now if I was… if I had been..’’ she struggled to finish her sentence, ‘’healthy.. at the first place.’’

The woman across from her nodded, and for the first time Lucy saw her without a smile, instead she was met with sympathetic eyes locking on hers.

‘’It took me a couple months,’’ Lucy said after a minute, ‘’it took me a couple of minutes to digest and Ona was so so understandable and nice to me.’’ She put her one leg over the other, ‘’look,’’ she straightened herself, maybe if she put up a serious front she could continue, ‘’we weren’t together for long when we decided thinking about kids, it had to do with my age a bit.. and also because we were just so sure about… everything.’’

‘’So, we actually had come up with a plan.. uhm.. me carrying,’’ she sniffled, though she continued with a wobbly voice, ‘’carrying the first.. baby.. and Ona the second, I’d carry her egg and she’d mine.. with one donor.’’

The psychologist nodded understanding.

‘’So that we would-,’’ Lucy sighed, ‘’I’m sure you understand the idea.’’

‘’I think I do,’’ the woman across from her smiled carefully, ‘’but could you tell me to be sure?’’

Lucy breathed in unsteadily, ‘’Oliver is biologically mine, half of me anyways, Ona carried him,’’ Lucy started, ‘’Lucas is from the same donor and he’s also… he’s also… they’re full-brothers,’’ she looked up to see the therapist nodding, ‘’I.. I..’’ she bit her lip until she was tasting blood, ‘’I feel guilty, I am scared, I feel… insecure..’’

She looked up at the therapist again, ‘’d’you get what I’m saying?’’

The woman tilted her head. Of course not, Lucy thought, she had to spell every fucking thing out. This was really annoying her about this therapist… but she needed to talk about this.

‘’what I think… what I want too, and what I understand and w-‘’ she shook her head, ‘’I have a lot of feelings about it, but what I’m trying to say, we still pay for the couple of tubes of.. uh.. the donor.. that are in the freezer at the donor bank.. so the kid will for sure be related to Ollie and Lucas, but I.. eh… I think.. I think Ona wants-‘’ she breathed heavily and brushed her hand though her hair. ‘’we haven’t had the opportunity to talk about it that deeply, but I.. think.. that.., now that my parents are gone..’’

‘’I will understand if she- no,’’ she started again, ‘’I want it to be.. hers.. too.’’

It stayed quiet for a while.

The psychologist looked at her paper and scribbled something down. Lucy had always hated that, her former psychologist had done it too.. it made her wonder what went on in their head. If they thought she was crazy.

She looked away from it, searching for something to rest her eyes on.

"It sounds like there's something more you're holding back. Would you like to share?"

The question made her snap her head back to the woman. Did she not get it?

‘’Do you not get it?’’ it came out a little harsher then anticipated, ‘’sorry I-

‘’-that’s okay Lucia, you-‘’

Only now Lucy realized the therapist had used her legal name the whole time, ‘’-uhm Lucy, please.. I, people call me Lucy.’’

‘’Oh.’’ The therapist nodded, ‘’well, Lucy, it’s okay, I understand that it’s a hard subject for you, take your time.’’

‘’what if I won’t have a connection?’’ Lucy wailed.

The question hung in the air for a while until the therapist spoke.

‘’Does..’’ The woman looked at Lucy sympathetically, it looked like she was debating if she could ask the question she was thinking about, ‘’does Ona have a connection.. with Oliver and Lucas..’’ she shifted, ‘’sorry I don’t mean this insensitively..’’ she looked down at her notebook, ‘’have you ever talked about this with her?’’

Tears stood in Lucy’s eyes. Yes Ona had a connection with their kids, ofcourse she had. She had carried them for nine months, breastfed them.. right? Ona had never told her anything about struggling to find a connection with the boys.. right? She would have to ask her… but if she did that.. the inevitable would come up without a doubt.

‘’Surely she has? Right?’’ Lucy spoke her doubts. ‘’she has carried them and breastfed them.. I mean.. I.. uh.. they turn to her just as much.. if not more.. as to me.. I really had to work for,’’ Lucy swallowed, ‘’you know, I really worked on my bond with them,.. even though they.. even if they’re my blood I needed a couple months.. with both that happened actually,’’ she reached for the glass of water that had been poured for her earlier, ‘’imagine..’’ she shook her head, and went to take a sip.

‘’Do Oliver and Lucas know you..’’ the therapist shook her head, ‘’I’m guessing they’re too young for that.’’

‘’No, they don’t know that yet.. but if or when they will ask we will just tell them how it is,’’ Lucy nodded, her and Ona had talked about this, ‘’if they won’t ask we will tell them when they’re of age.. but they’re bright, I’m sure they will come to us.’’ There was a sparkle in her eyes as she spoke about her kids.

The therapist noticed it too.

"It’s clear how much you love your children, Lucy, and it’s wonderful to see the strong bond you’ve built with them. You mentioned that they turn to you and Ona equally, which really reflects the nurturing environment you’ve created together. I hope you don’t mind me exploring this a little further,’’ the therapist brought her hand to her chin, ‘’but you mentioned they don’t yet know whose biology they share. Do you feel that biological ties — or the absence of them, as is often the case with adoptive parents for example — might influence how children perceive their relationship with their parents? Or do you think it’s more about the love and care they receive in their everyday lives?"

Lucy looked at her as she processed those words.

Those words.

Damn.

Sure she had thought about that.

But spelled out like this infront of her it was like it really soaked in.

‘’Yes,’’ she said quietly, ‘’if Ona carries a kid with her dna and the donors’.. the kid will still be a half-sibling to Oliver and Lucas.. and a part of me.. I..’’ she shook her head, ‘’I’m still wording this terrible, aren’t I.’’ she looked up at the therapist, pleading.

"Not at all, Lucy. You’re expressing something very personal, and it’s okay if it feels messy or hard to put into words.’’ The therapist assured. ‘’What I hear is that you’re struggling with the idea of a child that has no blood bond to you.. It’s a complex topic, but we can take our time unpacking it together. Can you tell me more about what feels most important to you about this?"

‘’As I said.. the connection,’’ Lucy set the glass she’d been holding down again, ‘’what if they wont see me as their mom and I..’’ she shook her head, ‘’now that I say it out loud it sounds daft but-

-daft?’’ the Spanish psychologist asked, her English reached far but not this far.

‘’Stupid, silly’’ Lucy shrugged, ‘’dumb.’’

‘’Allright, I get it.’’ The woman laughed softly, ‘’please continue.’’

Lucy thought about where she’d left. ‘’right,. uhm, I was going to say what if I wont be able to.. uh.. be a good mom.. to them.’’

…

After another hour of going back and forth with her therapist, organizing her thoughts, and finally beginning to see things more clearly, Lucy found herself pulling into the driveway a little later than usual. She had left work early, but the session with the psychologist had run longer than expected. Staring into the small mirror in the sun visor after parking, she sighed. Her red, swollen eyes would surely raise questions from Ona, as would her late arrival. She was never late, and if she was, she always made sure to send a text.

But she felt good, she would surely go a couple of times more to the therapist, but she knew what she wanted. She knew it before too, if she was honest with herself.. even if there was grief.. the thought of a little Ona in her arms was so so special to her.

She would go all in.

But not without having a good talk with Ona, first. As she’d agreed this on with the therapist this afternoon.

///

I know this is a cliffhanger, i hope to update soon xx

Sorry this was so sad and not proofread 😬

#lucy bronze #lucy bronze x ona batlle #lucy bronze x reader #ona batlle #woso #woso community #lucy bronze imagine #lucy bronze fanfic

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ravenwind-75 · 2 days ago

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If @heylorrain subjected me to pain and angst songs and said to go with the ideas I was given, I listened, hard. And so I have something for you. Sorry in advance.

Indigo:

~~~~~~

He was worried about her. She knew that. That she shouldn’t be here still. That she’d lose her way to the next place. Yet she lied to herself each day that she could find her way back to him. That this time her path would lead to life not death. She never should have left him, she never should have gone there when he asked her to leave his family to him.

Yet she did.

She wondered if her aura had changed. He used to say it was bright and brilliant. She used to feel it herself, the thrumming of life and power, of love. Now she felt colder, and lonely. It was so dark here in the in between. She didn’t know how the other ghosts did it. How they moved past it. The guilt.

Maybe it was time she finally went home, but she didn’t want to leave him here by himself. It wasn’t fair, why did they have to say goodbye? Why did she have to be dead and alone, leaving someone who needed her just as much and even more so?

…..

He gave her a piece of his heart and then tried to run from it. Run from her love. And when he finally accepted it he was so lost in the clouds of fear, he’d never seen that the sun would risk her light for him. Now he couldn’t feel her closeness, warmth at all.

When he heard the news his light had left him, his face paled. When her hand evaporated in his the clouds of his soul shed tears, bitter rain of sorrow.

Yet her death had given him some hope and faith that he could be free of them. That he’d be saved.

But at what cost? What kind of lesson was this?

Her death is my fault…

He’d lost his color. He lost his light. He lost his love.

….

She was the gold to his silver, the sun to his moon. He had never felt warmer than when he was in her presence. Soft curls wrapped around his fingers, her cradled against his chest, her lips pressed against his. She gave him the joy that he’d shared.

Now he was her warmth yet she couldn’t feel it. Just a wisp of frigid wind that made him shiver that he didn’t have the heart to tell to leave him alone. He wanted her warmth back, to feel her colorful aura.

Yet she begged him as he knelt on the cold stone floor, wand to his head, “Don’t take the life I fought to save. Live for me. You’ll come home to me someday. Patience remember? I can wait. Please!”

“I already feel dead so why can’t I join you?! I don’t want another sun to set without being by your side.”

But he’d stayed when she left. Many tears were shed when they said goodbye, one last brush of her hand on his cheek he felt her fade away, his wand pointed skyward doing nothing to sense her shape.

“Don’t say goodbye I’m right here. Please, I’m not leaving, not ever.” She’d said weeping softly.

He just smiled weakly, “Darling it’s better there. Go.”

It didn’t take long to convince her. Her spirit was tired. And they just kept painting each other darker.

He couldn’t move on with her here. And she got no rest. It was time to part ways with their ghosts.

“Goodbye Ominis.”

“Goodbye, my darling.”

…….

She’d loved the color indigo. She said it was what a twilight sky looked like. Where everything is half-lit and bathed in a hue between reality and a dream.

Maybe this is how indigo felt. Calm, sad and soft. An understanding, the deepest sense of peace yet a slow pain in the quiet isolation of her absence. On the edge of something unspeakable, untouchable.

A longing, a wish for connection out of reach, something impossible. Not a bright sadness but a certain kind of a melancholy that simply fades into the silence of darkness like the light of day.

Like she did.

His favorite color used to be gold, her brightness.

Now it was indigo.

Because In his dreams, when twilight came, she lived.

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy mc #ominis gaunt #i love angst #sorry everybody #hl fanfic #ravenwindwrites #hl oneshot #ominis gaunt x mc #Spotify

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paracosmicessence · 2 days ago

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i've contemplated sending u an ask here for like 2 days regarding ur sonadow art and oufhgh i have to say it is so,, so gentle like the intimacy and softness of it all/pos i hardly see artists that explore the intimate cuddly drawings without the sexual coding so finding your art is so nice?? like refreshing nice as an aroace person bc in my perfect world, many little guys are just cat coded and it's so so cool to me to have found ur art out in the wild also for the mpreg stuff youre literally one of the most normal ppl i've seen draw/bring it up lol, i'm aware so many ppl like to meme on it or make it a fetish which tbh is pretty transphobic, so i'm just really glad you steered it away from that direction and displayed it as something normal and gentle given the context of the au/lh

first off thank you this is such a nice message and i love that people also feel the vibes of soft and intimate from my sonadow art that’s my only ever goal whenever i drew them 😭😭

second off FELLOW AROACE PERSON ACQUIRED 🫵‼️like omg you get it i love thinking about ships in a cat coding way if that makes sense but especially sonadow bc they’re animals so i just love thinking about them as little guys i can put in my pocket just like my cat

like idk if this is an aroace thing bc i don’t hear it described in a way that i relate to exactly so this might just be me but basically: i’ve always loved romance and ships in fiction but as i got older i slowly realized that i don’t think i can feel it for myself. which kinda made me sad at first because the idea of having a partner always seemed so nice, that was the main reason i didn’t think i was aroace at first because i thought i had always wanted to be in a relationship. i did some research and looked into different identities on the aroace spectrum, and thought that cupioromantic was probably the most accurate to what i was feeling, but later didn’t feel like it applied to me because i think the “enjoys the idea of being in a relationship” doesn’t fit right? ig?? idk how to describe it other than i like the idea of relationships, but it took me awhile to realize that i didn’t really want to apply myself in one if that makes sense.

most likely there’s a thing or word out there that already exists to describe that and i just haven’t been looking up the right terms, but basically this is just a very very long way of saying that i feel like whenever i get into a ship it sorta..…attaches?? to my very identity or something?? like i know people can be like “this is my OTP i love them forever and think about them literally all the time” and it’s like YES that’s me but also feels like an understatement, like all of my past hyperfixations on ships are literally ingrained into my soul even i’m not that into them anymore. and i know people compare hyperfixations to relationships and tbh that’s probably the most accurate description but again, that feels like an understatement.

okay honestly idk where i’m going with this i think what i’m TRYING to say is that i feel like because i can’t feel romance for myself my appreciation for ships feels so much more…emphasized, and sonadow is like the longest consistent hyperfixation i’ve ever had on a ship and at that point usually when something has been a “hyperfixation” for 2+ plus years i put it on the special interest display case in my brain except that display case has only ever had like hobbies and fandoms themselves, never an actual fictional relationship that i’m obsessed with but here we are. it might be the development of brain has synched up with this specific hyperfixation but sonadow is the first ship that makes me feel genuinely happy to this degree. it doesn’t make me sad to think about them and also go “aw i’m sad because i’ve never felt that way about another person and probably won’t experience that ever” in the exact same way you would go “aw i’m going to be dead someday” when you think about the fact that you’re alive right now and conscious and exist and have a mini existential crisis of the week. like sonadow doesn’t do that to me, i really just love those stupid fucking gay hedgehogs so much they’ve actually changed the entire layout of my brain and all the neurons and shit they’re everything to me.

ANYWAY JESUS CHRIST sorry for the ramble uhhhh lemme know if you or any other aroace people know what the fuck i was trying to say there hope you’re doing well and also happy new year!!!

#asks #cool person i met on the internet #who is also aroace!!#sonadow #sonadow appreciation #para being fucking insane over gay hedgehogs for 20 minutes while typing this out #para is also aroace if this was not obvious i realize i don’t talk about it a lot probably lol #aroace #aroace experience

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hmhas-00 · 2 days ago

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Ch. 9

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Hi lovelies! I know it’s Wednesday, but yesterday was New Year’s Eve and I was busy throwing ass so I didn’t post. LMAO I will still be posting another chapter tomorrow (Thursday) as regularly scheduled though! 🤍

BPOV

“Billie, you wanna stop anywhere for food? It’s getting late and you barely ate lunch.” My mom walked over to my bunk, where I had been laying for the past 10 hours. I felt like shit all day. Mostly from the hangover of a lifetime that I was experiencing, but also from the things I said last night.

I shook my head, removing one of my AirPods. “Kinda nauseous.” I mumbled as she climbed in with me. I nuzzled my head into her arms.

“Have you heard back from Remy yet?” She asked, looking at my phone with me as I scrolled through tik tok.

“She called back but I didn’t answer.”

“Why not, honey?”

“Because…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly why. “She didn’t say goodbye.”

“Billie… Finneas told me about your fight last night. Don’t you think you were a little hard on her?” She said softly.

“I’m always putting her first, mom.” I locked my phone, setting it to the side. “She’s so unhappy there and she’s prioritizing it as if it were her dream job. I don’t get why she never listens to me.”

“I know that she’d never ask you to set your job aside… and she’d never ask you to leave what you love for her.” She looked at me with those wise eyes. The type that had seen all of the seasons of life, including mine.

“I know. But she’s not doing what she loves. I want her to do what she loves, here, with me.” I sighed.

“What do you think she loves?” She grabbed one of my cold hands and warmed it up in hers.

“I know she loves… film… directing… she loves to write scripts… and journaling.” I began to smile subconsciously. “She’s so creative, it’s like you opened Pandora’s box when she gets her crazy ideas.”

My mom nodded, letting me finish before commenting. “I think you love her so much, that you want her to achieve all of her dreams, just like you did. But do you remember when you danced? And you wanted to be a dancer?”

I nodded.

“And then you broke your growth plate, and you never danced again?”

“Yeah.”

“Look at you now. You’re a singer, songwriter, and you’ve been all over the world with Finneas… and everyone knows who you are. And everyone loves you. And have so many awards, you can’t even process it.”

“I know, but mom-“

“Honey, you love what you do. And you love that you make such a difference in all your fan’s lives. But you had no idea it would be this different back when you were dancing in that little studio.”

I shrugged.

“You didn’t. You couldn’t have imagined. It’s a whole different reality that you’re living, sweetheart. Sometimes you can’t see different perspectives when you’re in your own point of view. It’s so difficult to see beyond your own horizon… But you know what you did know?”

“What.”

“That Remy would be your biggest supporter no matter what. She cheered you on when you danced and she cheers you on to this day.”

“I know.”

“Honey, you gotta talk to her. She probably feels just as bad as you do. You both said things you didn’t mean.” She kissed my forehead.

“I’m mad at her, mom.” I stood my ground.

“Have you thought about the fact that you might just want to stay mad at her so you don’t have to miss her?”

It made sense when she said it out loud. What didn’t make sense is that I did miss her. I’m angry at her and want her here with me all at the same time. No closure, no hug goodbye, no apologies… the way I left was so unsatisfying. I wanted to hold her and tell her I’m sorry, while she probably apologizes even though she didn’t do anything wrong. It was mostly me. But I was mad at her, regardless. Because she wasn’t here, and it was easier to be angry, than be sad.

“I’m gonna get some sleep.” I put my one AirPod back in, grabbing my phone again. She kissed my forehead again and climbed out of my bunk.

“Let me know if you need anything, baby.”

I nodded, turning to face the wall. I drafted up texts to Remy, hovering over the send button, but deleted each one. As much as it hurt to think, I figured she didn’t want to hear from me.

This morning, I woke up at Finneas’ house, where he and Claudia repeated what I said to Remy.

I’m not going to lie, I cried for about an hour before getting on this tour bus when I realized Remy wasn’t coming to see me. I didn’t blame her, but at the same time, I would’ve gone to hug her goodbye no matter what she said to me.

I mean, I only want what’s best for her. All I ever do is look out for her. If she would only listen to me, she’d be so much happier. It’s soul crushing, every time she rejects my advice, my help… It feels like she’s rejecting me. And oh my, how it crushes my soul when she rejects me.

The truth is I’d do anything for her. I’d buy her a house, pay her parents enough each month for them to stop asking her for money, and bring her with me everywhere I go. I’ve asked her a million times to be my videographer, photographer, or anything at all she wants to be on tour. She refuses to accept money from me. She gets mad at me when I buy her expensive gifts, even on Christmas or her birthday. In a way, I loved that about her. I loved that she didn’t take advantage of me, or anyone else. I loved that she was a giver, but I wanted to give her more than she could ever imagine. The fact that she never lets me, hurts, even though it makes me respect her more.

God, I want to call her, tell her I’m sorry, and fly her out to Quebec so I can meet her there. But, I won’t. Because, she clearly doesn’t need my help, or my advice, or…. me. She said it herself, I’m a shitty friend. If I’m such a shitty friend, why am I the only one with her best interest in mind? I wasn’t trying to control her, or tell her what to do with her life. I was trying to help her reach her goals.

I wish I hadn’t drank so much yesterday. I wish we could’ve just gone to her apartment, spent our last night together in comfy clothes, eating snacks, and watching our show. I wish she had asked me to sleepover, so she could wake me up once or twice from tossing in her sleep, as she usually did around 2am. So I could cover her back up with the sheets she always kicked off, and feel her throw her leg over me, instead of all her satin-cased pillows.

I wish we hadn’t fought. I wish I would’ve kept it to myself. I wish I hadn’t said most of the things I said, in the way I said them. I felt nauseous thinking about how she might be feeling right now.

My thumbs lead me to her contact, hovering over the call button. But I stopped myself each time, feeling rejection and pain once again. Eventually, my eyes gave up the fight between them and my brain, sending me into a restless sleep.

♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡

About 12 days later, we performed in Newark, New Jersey.

“Dude, you were incredible out there! You don’t even need us!” Finneas hugged me backstage, properly greeting me. He came out to surprise me, and the rest of the audience, for a few songs in the setlist. I was ecstatic.

“I missed you so much, brudder! Thank you for coming.” I squeezed him, swaying side to side. I couldn’t contain my excitement.

“Are you kidding? I had to. I miss touring with you, this sucks.” He laughed. “How’ve you been?”

I let go and took a sip of my water. He sat on one of the seats, giving me his full attention.

“I’ve been okay.” I say, knowing whenever I have any free time at all, I spend it sulking and overthinking about what could’ve been. Touring is my favorite thing in the world, yet when my mind isn’t occupied by planning or rehearsals, it goes back to the same night.

“Let me rephrase. Have you been able to talk to Remy at all?” He shifted in his seat, crossing one leg over the other.

“No. I, uhh… I haven’t.” I shook my head, sitting next to him.

“Billie, it’s been like two weeks…”

“I know, I know. It’s just been so busy, and I’ve been struggling to even find the words- I just don’t have the time. I feel like it’s one thing after the other these days. I’m tired all the time, and when I have a couple days between concerts I just fall into this weird headspace.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“No. I’m not. I’m so happy when I perform. And then when it’s over it’s like I come down from this extreme high and it feels so anticlimactic.”

“That’s because you have no one to share it with.”

“That’s not true! I call you, and mom and dad all the time to-“

“Not the same thing. You know what I mean.” He tilted his head.

“Can we not talk about her please? I missed you I want to hang out.”

He nodded, “Yeah. Let’s go get some food.” He stood up and put an arm around me as we walked out.

At the restaurant, we ate and caught up. He showed me videos from his tour, and I did the same. I miss having him on tour, but no one could be more proud of him than I am.

Inevitably, the topic of Remy came back up, as I slid through my camera roll and came across a picture of us.

“Billie… we gotta talk about this.”

I slumped back into the booth, grabbing a French fry and munching on it.

“I don’t think you remember everything about that night, bro.” He propped his elbows up on the table and rested his chin on his hands.

“I know, I was an asshole, and I need to apologize-“

“Well, no. There’s more to it.” He squinted. I furrowed my brows, listening attentively.”

“I didn’t want you to feel like- I thought you remembered but I’m questioning now if you even do…” he rambled. I didn’t really know what he was talking about. The last part of that night was such a blur. It was my first and only black out I’ll ever have.

“What is it?” I shook my leg impatiently. I wonder if this was the reason she hadn’t texted me at all since I left.

Finneas looked at me like he didn’t know what to say. He struggled to find the words, making me more nervous by the second.

“Finneas… What did I do?” I asked him, my heart beating fast.

#Spotify #billie eilish #billie eilish fic #billie eilish fanfic #billie eilish fanfiction #billie eilish wlw #billie eilish lgbtq #billie eillish #billie eilish ftl #billie eilish f2l #friends to lovers #bestfriends to lovers #billie eilish x oc #billie eilish hit me hard and soft #hit me hard and soft

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aishangotome · 2 days ago

Text

Azel Radwan: Dramatic Ending Ch. 24

Dramatic Ending Ch. 23 Letter

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

With the end approaching, if I remained in Tanzanite, I would only hold Azel back.

I had braced myself for the bitterness, swallowed the pain, and initiated the farewell, yet Azel continued to grasp my hand without any intention of letting go.

Emma: …Is there something else you want to say?

Azel: ………… No.

Azel: .....

Azel: Yes, there is something I want to say.

His voice was firm, devoid of hesitation, as if he had resolved his worries and conflicts.

Azel: You are a kind-hearted person. Aren’t you worried about the 10,000 believers the apostle mentioned earlier?

(I can’t believe he brought that up.)

Emma: I am worried, but seeing how Prince Azel is acting, I thought maybe you had already taken measures.

Azel: Why?

Emma: Because you dislike the apostle, right?

Emma: You’re not generous enough to let someone you dislike have their way.

Emma: Either the matter has already been settled, or you’re going to settle it now…

Emma: Either way, I believe the helping hand of God will reach out.

(Before, Azel gave the maids who gave me the aphrodisiac nightmares.)

(While you have a compassionate side, you’re merciless to those you recognize as enemies.)

Azel: …It’s rather irritating when you're spot on.

Emma: I’d like you to praise my understanding of you, Prince Azel.

Azel: Would you please not get carried away?

Frowning, Azel tightened his grip on my hand.

Each time his strong will to "not let go" was conveyed, my heartbeat quickened excitedly.

Azel: There’s something I’d like you to help me with.

Azel: You, with your kind heart, can’t leave people in crisis alone, can you?

Azel: If you’re so desperate to save those 10,000 people, you’re welcome to come with me.

Emma: …I thought Prince Azel wanted to get us out of the country.

(Even though you were blocking our attempts to meet.)

Azel: I changed my mind, that’s all.

Azel turned away.

Azel: You seem to think you have value as a hostage, but you don’t.

Azel: But if we part ways like this, it’ll look like I’m worried about you being taken hostage, won’t it?

Azel: If I’m going to be misunderstood like that, I’d rather have your help, even if it’s annoying.

Azel: In the first place, I only kicked you out of the temple. It was Enis who urged you to return home.

Azel: Don’t get that wrong.

Emma: …So, in other words…

Emma: …You’re saying, “Don’t misunderstand, you idiot”?

Azel: Yes, that’s right. You’re an idiot––

Akatsuki: Oh?

Azel: …No, that’s not right.

(I actually understand.)

(…You probably just want to spend a little more time together.)

When Azel speaks rapidly, it’s when he wants to hide his true feelings, and when that happens, his eyes always fail to meet mine.

(If only the apostle’s problem is solved, I can still stay in Tanzanite.)

(I might be able to see Azel's wish through to the end.)

Squeezing his hand back, sadness outweighed joy, and pain surpassed happiness at his offer.

Emma: I want to stay with you too.

Azel: It’s not “too.”

Emma: Oh, come on. I haven’t spent time with Prince Azel for nothing.

Emma: I’ve become better at reading your thoughts compared to before.

Azel: .....

(But that’s why my heart aches so much…)

If we were going to spend time together anyway, I wanted to keep smiling until the end.

Emma: So the time has finally come to show off the swordsmanship the princes of Rhodolite taught me. I’ll do my best.

Azel: It hasn’t. That kind of muscle-brained solution isn’t my forte.

Emma: …Owner, is that alright?

The Owner, who had been silently watching us, quietly exhaled and nodded.

Akatsuki: It’s been a while since I’ve cut someone down.

Azel: No, I mean, were you even listening to me?

(Surely, the longer we spend together, the harder it will be to say goodbye in the end.)

(I know, but… I want to spend time without regrets.)

(Especially since Azel himself wished for it.)

Azel: Listen, you two. Resolving things with violence is what third-rate people do.

Emma: Then how are you going to save them?

Azel: That’s obvious.

His mystical eyes narrowed slightly, and a compassionate smile blended with the moonlight.

Azel: Allow me to show you what a nightmare shown by God looks like.

The place Azel headed to, avoiding the public eye, was the castle.

Emma: …This is strange.

Azel: It’s quiet, isn’t it?

(When the Owner and I left the castle, it should have been in chaos.)

There was no one around, and the eerily silent corridor was different from the scenery I knew.

Emma: Did Prince Azel clear everyone out?

Azel: No way. They deliberately moved aside so I could walk easily.

I knew who “they” were without having to ask.

(Azel said he had already taken measures, but this looks like he’s walking into a trap.)

(The apostle must have anticipated that you wouldn’t abandon the people… Perhaps it’s a battle of who can outsmart the other.)

God leisurely proceeded to the back of the castle and stood before a lavish room.

Without him doing anything, the door opened from the inside––

Woman: Oh, the Living God… It’s the Living God!

Man: You really came, Living God!

(This is…)

The sacred throne room was overflowing with people, so much so that it was suffocating.

Cheers erupted at Azel's appearance, the air and my eardrums vibrating violently.

(These must be the believers the apostle was talking about.)

The eerie silence was swallowed by the enthusiastic clamor, and Azel was instantly surrounded by people.

(…I-I can’t even move forward properly.)

Azel: Emma, don’t forget that the moment you leave my side, you’ll become prey to the crowd.

Emma: Then I’ll take your arm without hesitation!

As I clung to his arm so as not to be separated, the door closed behind us.

(Huh? What’s this smell?)

(…A sweet smell like incense…)

*flashback*

Clavis: Do you know what this is?

Silvio: Incense, right?

Clavis: Yes. This incense itself isn’t harmful, but it has a drug applied to its surface.

Clavis: When burned in an incense burner, it causes a mild state of intoxication.

*flashback over*

Emma: …Prince Azel!

Azel: Yes, it’s best not to inhale too much.

Azel: It’s not harmful, but if you’re not careful, your thinking will become paralyzed like these people.

(Even though I expected it, to think that he urged people to die for God while they were unable to think properly…)

(The apostle’s actions are unforgivable.)

Azel continued forward, unfazed by the crowd.

When he reached a certain point, the people parted neatly to the left and right.

(...!)

A path was formed, and the sight that appeared beyond it unconditionally filled me with rage.

Azel: …This is a bit much, isn’t it, old man?

Seated on the throne, illuminated by the beautiful and divine moon, was His Majesty the King.

His limbs were bound with shackles, and his limp body was tied to the throne.

Blood flowed from his head, dripping onto the throne, and I could feel Azel trembling slightly through his arm.

Emma: …What have you done to His Majesty?

The person standing beside the throne smiled without a hint of remorse.

Apostle: Please rest assured. Enis is alive.

Apostle: I didn’t want to resort to such violence, but His Majesty was a little out of his mind.

Apostle: When the soldiers were restraining him, they had no choice but to hit him on the head.

(His Majesty said he would cause a commotion to buy me time to escape.)

(If the apostle's trap had already been set since then…)

I glared at the apostle as if to vent my frustration.

Azel: I’ve heard enough of your pathetic excuses. Old man, I went out of my way to fall into your trap. State your business.

Apostle: Living God, you have always been merciful.

Apostle: I still remember how you cried and begged for Enis and that exile, desperately trying to stop me.

(…Is he talking about that time when your brother was tortured in front of you?)

I sincerely loathed the way he deliberately brought up topics that reopened old wounds.

But Azel wasn’t as openly emotional as I was; he was calm.

–Calmly, his mystical eyes filled with a cruel color that sent chills down my spine.

Azel: Is that a childish threat that Enis will be punished if I defy you?

Apostle: No, who would allow such disrespect as to threaten the Living God?

(…How hypocritical.)

Behind the apostle were armed soldiers.

Depending on Azel's response, it wouldn’t be surprising if those weapons were turned on Enis.

Apostle: However, everyone here shares my aspirations.

Apostle: They have gathered to protect the Living God from any harm.

Apostle: And Enis feels the same way, I’m sure.

Apostle: Please allow us to protect you, so that you won’t bring about the end and face eternal death.

Azel: How will you protect me?

Apostle: We will wipe out the scoundrels who oppose God and keep you in a safe place until permanent peace returns to the city.

Apostle: To that place where death cannot reach.

Azel: ......

Apostle: However…

His clinging, gentle gaze fell upon me.

Apostle: I didn’t expect Emma to be here as well.

Apostle: If you’d like, could you accompany the Living God?

Apostle: The place I’m about to show you is safe, but it’s also dark and cold.

(Is he planning to imprison God?)

We were surrounded by people, with no escape.

And with Enis held hostage, we had no choice.

The imprisonment he proposed was insane.

Emma: …Is this what the apostle, who serves God, does?

My voice naturally lowered.

(To protect God? Don’t make me laugh.)

Emma: Apostle, you refuse to acknowledge Prince Azel true intentions.

Emma: The God of Tanzanite isn’t an idol; he’s alive and here.

Emma: And yet, isn’t this absurd?

Emma: God has granted people the blessing of a promised reality, and yet you repay him with hostility?

(It’s infuriating… In the first place, Azel should be your flesh and blood, even before he’s God.)

Apostle: It may be difficult for you to understand. But this is also for the sake of the Living God.

Emma: If you truly believe that, then first listen to the Living God’s voice!

Emma: You just take the blessings he gives you… God is not your convenient tool!

Azel: .....

Azel: It’s useless. No matter what you say to this old man, it’s useless.

Azel: You’ll only exhaust yourself one-sidedly. He doesn’t live in the same world as us.

Azel: Do you know why Tanzanite is called the Land of Illusions?

Azel: It’s also satire for those who blindly believe in God and are trapped in their own dreams.

(…It seems like Azel has given up from the start.)

(How much suffering did you have to endure to reach this state of mind?)

If this kind of unreasonable violence has continued since childhood, the current reality might be a nightmare for Azel.

(To think that death is the only way to be liberated…)

When I hugged his arm tightly, Azel chuckled softly.

Azel: You don’t have to get so angry.

Emma: …But I can’t forgive him.

Azel: Even though it’s none of your business?

Emma: Even though it’s none of my business… yes.

Azel: Then, please rage on my behalf.

Azel: I’ve grown tired of even getting angry at that old man.

Emma: …Why do you sound a little happy?

Azel: Are you blind? Someone who can find this situation happy and enjoyable is as abnormal as the apostle.

Azel turned away again.

(…I wonder if there was no one else to get angry like this.)

(Even though you’re someone who should be cherished more than anyone else…)

Azel: Old man, time is limited, so hurry up and lead the way.

Azel: I won’t run away.

Emma: ..........................This has to be a joke.

(Impossible.)

(It’s impossible not to get angry at this.)

Separated from the Owner, I was led by the apostle and a large group of believers to a stagnant underground space.

It seemed they intended to confine God in this place buried deep within the sand, where even moonlight couldn’t reach, and the fact that these people considered it a “good deed” as a matter of course gave me goosebumps.

Emma: In other countries, this is called a prison.

Azel: Oh, is that so? This is actually another room of mine.

Azel: I was often confined here as a child.

Azel: Not only when I ran away, but also when my divinations didn’t go well or when I made childish mistakes.

Azel: According to the old man, he confines me out of love.

Emma: .............

Azel: You can make such interesting faces.

Emma: …I had my suspicions ever since I heard your story, Prince Azel…

Emma: This is what the world calls abuse!

My voice echoed off the stone walls and spread throughout the surroundings.

Everyone here must have heard it, yet they showed no reaction whatsoever.

(This isn’t a matter of having different fundamental values.)

(It’s like faith has paralyzed their hearts.)

Apostle: Emma, it’s not like I enjoy doing this.

Apostle: …It truly pains me.

Emma: Someone who is truly pained wouldn’t be able to smile like that!

Emma: You say you understand the Living God’s suffering, and yet you’ve been… you’ve been smiling all along!

(My emotions are about to burst.)

I tried my best to calm down, but I couldn’t suppress my raging heart…

Azel hugged me from behind as I clenched my fists tightly.

Azel: That smile of his is a kind of provocation towards me.

Emma: Provocation…?

Azel: I think you’ve already noticed…

Azel: The one who believes in God the least in this country is none other than the apostle himself.

Information that should have been shocking entered my mind smoothly.

Azel: In the first place, the apostle finds me to be a nuisance.

Azel: In the era when the Living God was absent, the apostle could wield his authority as God’s representative.

Azel: If it weren’t for me, he could have become God.

Emma: …That’s a chilling story.

Azel: Yes, I think so too.

Azel: Because the real one was born, the old man had no choice but to become a servant of God…

Azel: He may still be yearning for the divine throne with lingering attachment. How pitiful.

At Azel's provocative words, the apostle’s mask-like smile distorted slightly.

Apostle: I have never once harbored such a rebellious thought.

Apostle: My loyalty to God is as you know, Living God.

Azel: Has that loyalty ever been shown to me?

Azel: No, right? You’ve never once listened to my voice.

Azel: Everything you say as God’s will is far from my true intentions.

Azel: Old man, you’re mistaken in thinking you’re “God.”

Azel: How foolish and disrespectful a misunderstanding that is… I don’t need to tell you, do I?

I noticed at some point that my breathing had become shallow.

As Azel's words grew heavier, the dimly lit prison cell transformed into a sacred place of judgment.

The people gathered here also seemed to be consumed by tension.

(Azel was supposed to be the one caught in the trap, and yet, the one now standing on the platform of judgment is…)

Azel: I am the true God. You are nothing more than an ordinary person.

Azel: And for an ordinary person to defy God is an unforgivable act.

Azel: Now, all of you ordinary people… aren’t you being a little too arrogant towards me?

The moment the cold smile of God dominated the room, the people simultaneously fell to their knees and lowered their heads so deeply that their foreheads rubbed against the ground.

Only one person – the apostle – remained standing.

The “misunderstanding” Azel spoke of was exposed in broad daylight.

Azel: Oh my, why do you defy God’s words?

Azel: You, who should be serving me and believing in me more than anyone else…

Azel, who had moved away from me, approached the apostle and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Though his strength was by no means forceful, the apostle involuntarily fell to his knees.

(…Azel could have dominated people like this all along, he just chose not to.)

*flashback*

Azel: I haven’t done anything like burning a strange incense burner and brainwashing you without your knowledge.

Azel: In the first place, people can be controlled much more easily without resorting to such underhanded tactics.

*flashback over*

(The apostle is no match for him.)

Azel: Apostle, let me ask you.

Azel: Who do the 10,000 believers you gathered worship?

Apostle: …Why, the Living God, of course.

Azel: Then, they won’t ignore my divine will. Correct?

Apostle: Yes…

Azel: You said earlier that everyone shares the same aspirations…

Azel: The wise believers must already understand my wishes.

Azel: ––That’s enough. Thank you all for your hard work.

God clapped his hands.

As if it were a cue, the people rose as if awakening from a dream.

(…Wh-What’s going on?)

I couldn’t believe that their fanaticism towards God was an illusion; they exited as if they had planned it beforehand.

The apostle’s smile vanished.

Apostle: …Why…?

Azel: Why? Because I am the God they worship.

Azel: Didn’t you think it was strange?

Azel: Why I would condone such a harmful gathering that brainwashes people.

(…Gathering…)

*flashback*

Azel: ––…Is it that gathering again?

Kumushu: Yes, invitations have already been widely distributed. Moreover, it’s close to the date. This is troubling.

Azel: Unfortunately, I’ll have to remain a bystander this time.

Azel: However, please contact Shinan. There will likely be a considerable number of victims.

*flashback over*

(If the story I heard back then was referring to the apostle’s gathering…)

(Azel knew about it all along and had taken some measures.)

(Shinan is a doctor, so maybe––)

Azel: The answer is simple – to show you a terrible nightmare.

It was the most compassionate and gentle divine smile I had ever seen.

Azel: It was quite a task to catch the participants every time and detoxify their minds.

Azel: To protect Tanzanite’s faith, you sent invitations mainly to “those who were beginning to awaken from faith.”

Azel: The fact that the majority of Tanzanite’s people blindly believe in God is largely due to your efforts.

Azel: Using incense to brainwash and turn people into fanatics is your old trick.

Azel: So, I imitated it.

Apostle: …Imitated?

Azel: Yes. I had a doctor remove the effects of the drug you physically gave them…

Azel: …And I conveyed my true divine will to them.

Azel: On top of that, I had them continue to act as fanatics.

Azel: To punish the misguided commoners.

(In other words…)

Emma: The apostle’s gathering was a dream shown by Prince Azel?

Azel: Of course, not all of them. There are some true believers who were beyond help.

Azel: However, the majority, yes.

Azel: The people the apostle mistakenly believed to be his followers were actually my followers, that’s all.

(…I thought it would be alright since it’s Azel…)

(I never imagined the main character of the nightmare would change so dramatically.)

From Azel to the apostle.

Having lost his smile, the apostle suddenly looked many years older.

Azel: I told you before, Emma.

Azel: I can show people sweet dreams, or I can show them nightmares.

(There’s no one in this country who can harm Azel.)

When he beckoned me closer, I was led to the exit.

Azel: Cool your head here for a while, old man.

Azel: The next time you see the moon…

Azel: …An eternal nightmare will have begun.

When we stepped out into the corridor, the people who were supposed to have left were there to greet Azel.

Their expressions were uniformly somber, and I could hear the sound of sobbing.

(…I see. The fact that they know Azel's divine will means…)

(The people here know that the end is a “promised reality.”)

Azel: Thank you all for your cooperation.

Azel: You are my pride, having overcome the illusion of the “eternal kingdom of God” that the apostle offers.

Man: Living God… But…

Azel: Don’t be so sad. Certainly, death may be a kind of end…

Azel: …But it is also the beginning for you to weave history with your own feet.

(...)

Azel: Let us say our final farewells tomorrow.

Azel: You are the seeds I have sown in the wilderness. So that one day, many hopes will sprout in this barren land…

Azel: Please live up to that expectation. This is my divine will for you.

No one could say anything.

People with tears streaming down their faces, people stifling sobs, people with expressions of anguish, people covering their faces with their hands…

It was a sight that showed at a glance how much the Living God had been loved and revered.

(Tomorrow…)

(…It’s time to say goodbye.)

Dramatic End Ch. 24 Premium Story

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

#ikepri azel #ikemen translations #ikemen prince translations #azel #azel radwan #azel radwan main route #ikemen prince azel radwan #ikepri jp #cybird otome #azel radwan dramatic ending

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lilmonstahhhh · 12 hours ago

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First of all happy new year 🎊

Today I present me ranting about Imodna. I just love them so much ❤️. The way Imogen looks at Laudna when Luda talks about things that drive them to survive. I’m sad that the campaign is ending and I’m gonna miss these bitches. Thank you Laura Bailey and Marisha Ray ❤️🫡

Spoiler Alert🫡

Listen, listen, listen, I absolutely love, love, LOVE these two fuckers. Like they are so meant to be. The way that they love each other and would literally do anything to make sure the other person is happy.

Imogen: I said it before and I’ll say it again, the way that Imogen stood by Laudna throughout the whole Delilah situation. The way she didn’t give up on her. The way she supported whatever decision she made when it came to Delilah, even though she hated that women with every inch of her soul. Also the way that she just generally cares about her. The deep love she has for her. It’s just everything. The jealousy of Imogen is one of my favorite things.

Laudna: Like I said before I absolutely love the way Laudna cares for Imogen. Even before they started dating, she would literally kill anybody and everyone if they hurt Imogen in any way, shape or form. And even though Delilah was dampening their relationship Laudna always took Imogene’s feeling into consideration. The fact that she didn’t want to make her upset because of the decisions she made about Delilah. I love how soft Laudna is towards Imogen.

Spoiler for 118🫡

So, so, so, Imogen took in Predathos. She took that shit in. She did. So basically she’s in kind of the same position Laudna was in with Delilah. She had a higher power trying to take over and now Imogen has to fight to remain in control of her own body. What I’m going to need is for Laudna to be the one to keep her grounded. I’m gonna need for her to be the one to help her remain in her own mind and not let Prethados take over.

Something that I think would be awesome is if when the group is trying to keep Imogen grounded the memories they shared together flash into everyone’s minds the way the memories of Predathos flashed into theirs. I want the Imodna memories to flash into people’s minds but I want Matt to explain the memories in details and make it emotional and heartwarming. Honestly I would literally cry. I definitely think that if one person can keep Imogen here and present it’s definitely Laudna. Matt bless me by flashing Imogen and Laudna’s relationship into their brains. I feel like Laura is going to cry and I need that 😏

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fairestwriting · 11 hours ago

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Hey hey! First off, I love your writing. It’s really fun and silly and skrunkly, which is also why I wanted to send in a request!

I wanted to ask for an Idia x reader comfort type thing? For context, a game I love is currently doing a rerun banner for a costume I really really want. I saved for a year to try and get it because I failed last time and, low and behold, I didn’t get it now either

I do still have time before the banner’s over but it’s just kinda disheartening after I tried to save for so long and still didn’t get the costume (especially cause I’m f2p)

The actually scenario doesn’t have to be this specific but I feel like, if anyone were to understand my plight, it would be Idia

Hope you’re doing well :))

thank you sm :'3 i realized only when i was done with this that it shouldve been a scenario/fic type post... that ones gonna be in the works for tomorrow cause i was doing another hc/scenario hybrid before i got to this one oops .

also i understand you so deeply im also f2p in everything i play and not getting your special little guy or the costume for them is. SO much more painful than it has the right to be what the hell 😭

Idia Shroud

He's definitely been in your shoes, maybe even recently. He does spend on his favorite gachas every now and then, but with the amount of games he plays and the speed at which banners come out, he can't just sink all his money into gacha currency. Besides gacha, there's also new game releases and DLCs after all! And it feels better if you actually earn your win, too.

It goes without saying that he's going to be hyping you up before your pulls, whether through messages or live, and that you'll be exchanging screenshots with each other too, so he knew how much you were looking forward for this one banner. He's made it known he's your biggest supporter.

Even if it's not something he also plays, he feels the loss when you're all out of pulls, and the character you were hoping for never comes. He's not really the best at comfort in general, that applies both over text and in person, but you know he understands the feeling.

He reaches for you a little awkwardly, depending on what it looks like you want to do about it. What would it be better to offer? Encouragement for reruns, or ingame currency for a few more pulls? He wonders nervously while he tries to pick whatever looks better for your case. If he happens to have the character that you wanted he'll actually apologize and definitely offer a few extra pulls.

Honestly, he finds that it feels even more sad than the times he fumbled his pulls. He'll scour the internet for any talk of reruns and send it to you within the hour, and if he finds none, he's always here to commiserate.

if you wanna support my work, you can buy me a ko-fi or commission me!

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst imagines #twst headcanons #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #lis writing

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imreidswifey · 2 days ago

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Do I Wanna Know?

-S.r Fanfic-

A Spencer Reid x Reader Fanfiction

Summary: Set against the backdrop of a quiet bar and the haunting melody of “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys, you and Spencer confront the fears and uncertainties that have kept you apart, you’ll discover that sometimes the hardest conversations lead to the deepest connections.

Warnings

Themes of emotional tension: Mentions of unspoken feelings and longing.

Mentions of past trauma: Brief references to the challenges of FBI work and Reid’s personal struggles.

Mild language: Includes mild swearing.

Angst with comfort: Emotional vulnerability from both characters.

————————————-———————————————

The air was heavy, thick with unsaid words and unresolved tension. It had been weeks since the case in New York, the one that had left you reeling. Spencer Reid had been quieter than usual, his conversations with you laced with an unspoken longing that mirrored your own. Tonight, though, something felt different.

The team had returned from another grueling case, and you found yourself at the bar near the FBI office, nursing a drink while the others shared laughter and stories in the background. Spencer was there too, sitting at the far end, his fingers tracing the edge of his glass of water. He caught your eye, and for a fleeting moment, it felt like the room went silent.

He looked tired, his usually vibrant hazel eyes darkened by the weight of sleepless nights and too many horrific memories cataloged in his brilliant mind. You’d seen that look before—seen it and ignored the way it pulled at your heart. But not tonight.

As Arctic Monkeys’ “Do I Wanna Know?” began to hum through the speakers, you felt a strange sense of synchronicity, like the song was meant for the two of you.

You slid off your stool and walked over to him. He looked up, his lips parting slightly as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.

“Hey,” you said softly, sitting beside him.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice barely audible over the music.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The song continued to play, the lyrics weaving a story of unspoken desire and uncertainty.

“Have you got color in your cheeks? Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift the tide that sticks around like something in your teeth?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask…” Spencer began, his fingers now nervously twisting the hem of his sweater vest. “Are you… alright? After New York, I mean.”

You blinked, caught off guard by the question. You’d spent so much time worrying about him, you hadn’t expected him to be worrying about you.

“I’m fine,” you lied, but the way his gaze locked onto yours told you he didn’t believe it.

“Fine is a four-letter word that rarely means what it should,” he murmured, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

You laughed softly, and for a moment, the tension eased. But the song’s chorus pulled you back into the current of everything unsaid.

“Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways? Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay…”

“Spencer,” you said, your voice low but steady. “Can I ask you something?”

He nodded, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard.

“Do you ever… feel like you’re standing on the edge of something, but you’re too afraid to jump?”

His eyes widened, and for a moment, he looked like you’d just read one of his guarded thoughts out loud.

“All the time,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Especially when it comes to… you.”

Your breath hitched, and you felt your heart hammering in your chest. The world seemed to blur around you, leaving only Spencer and the weight of his words.

“Spencer, I…”

He interrupted, his hand reaching out to gently cover yours. His touch was warm, grounding.

“I think about you. More than I probably should. And it terrifies me because I don’t know if you feel the same, and I’m not sure I could handle it if you didn’t.”

Your lips parted, the confession stealing the air from your lungs.

“Spence,” you whispered, squeezing his hand. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that. I’ve been waiting because I didn’t want to ruin what we have, but…” You trailed off, searching for the right words.

“But?” he prompted, his voice tinged with hope.

“But I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel the same.”

The faintest smile crossed his lips, and for the first time that night, the shadows in his eyes seemed to lift.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” he asked, his voice filled with a quiet confidence you hadn’t expected.

You nodded, and as you both stood, the song’s final notes seemed to echo your unspoken promises.

“Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? ’Cause I always do…”

As you stepped out into the cool night air, Spencer’s hand brushed against yours, hesitant but hopeful. You took it, lacing your fingers together.

For the first time, the unspoken between you wasn’t a barrier—it was an invitation.

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 3 days ago

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my favorite scully moments from s5

in episode 1, we see the tomato poster on her wall, and i love it so much <3

shortly after, she has a confrontation with skinner:

“and what about your lie, agent scully? what does it lead to?”

“the truth- about the men behind what happened to me, about my abduction and the tests, about being exposed to something against my will, about being put on a table and having something implanted in me and then having my memory stolen, only to have it returned along with a disease that i was given” <- the way skinner was concerned for her safety but she took it as a challenge, getting angrier and angrier throughout the scene- OOOH, it was just SO good!

and when she finds that she was exposed to the mysterious substance from the ice core, she says “if my work with agent mulder has tested the foundation of my beliefs, science has been and continues to be my guiding light… now i’m again relying on its familiar and systematic methods to arrive at a truth” <- YES!!!!! SCIENCE!!! coming back to what has saved her over and over again and has been the basis of her life's work!! and the admission that her beliefs have been challenged by the things they've found!! i love this quote so much!! i want to analyze it forever!

in episode 2, mulder arrives at her hospital bed while her cancer is worsening, explaining his theory that the microchip he found will cure her. bill gets mad at him for suggesting something so ridiculous. she diffuses the tension by saying that everyone has their hearts in the right place, but it needs to be her choice (very diplomatic; she's clearly the middle child) and then decides that she will move forward with the procedure, choosing to take a risk and choosing hope... trusting mulder... augh. the symbolism of it all...

in episode 4, scully arrives in mulder’s motel room with cheese and wine, ready to relax, with this killer line: “however, i must remind you, this goes against the bureau’s policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment” (and then she is SO sad when he runs off to investigate something instead of enjoying hangout time, telling him he needs to work on his communication skills😟)

another bug fact moment with scully in episode 4 when she starts telling mulder about tick metabolism!! i love bug facts with scully!!

later, she's staring intently at the dead mothman and says “there has to be a scientific explanation for this” which is just so Her. (also, she shot and killed mothman with her amazing aim, which deserves its own shoutout)

the striped suit in episode 5......... good LORD!!!

in episode 6, she sees bill’s heavily pregnant wife tara and loudly declares “you’re HUGE!” which was SO cute

later, when she is worried that the phone isn’t working properly because she kept getting mysterious calls, she dials mulder's number. she doesn’t say a word when he picks up; she just listens to his voice. the intimacy of this moment makes me want to cry.

her episode 10 beach outfit! showing up to maine in a t shirt that says "maine", so you know she bought it before she even rolled up! renting that convertible! telling mulder that she is going to hang up now!

(i'm imagining how she was preparing for her trip and must have bought a shirt that says her destination on it, and it is SO funny/cute/nerdy)

scully episode 10 one-liners shoutout moment: “people say she’s a witch” “well, that’s not the first time for that accusation in these parts” and then later her dry remark on “new england hospitality” after someone slams the door in her face

she was SO dedicated to not getting involved with that dumbass haunted doll case. even though the local cops had no idea what they were doing and she had to walk them through it with baby steps, she kept saying “well! that sucks for y’all. let me go visit the beach now” and i was DYING. she was COMMITTED to that rest. and rightfully so!

bubble bath time with classical music and reading “affirmations for women who do too much” <3

jack the policeman takes her to get lobster and she is utterly shocked at the size of the creature, saying “that looks like something out of jules verne. we’re supposed to eat that?” <- NERD! nerd! i was blushing and giggling.

i’m barely exaggerating when i say that scully putting that haunted doll in the microwave might be the best moment of the whole show.

she also calls mulder and asks about the prevalence of evil dolls in occult literature, because she does not give a damn if this thing is a demon or a ghoul while she’s off the clock, she just needs it to leave her alone, and i respect that SO much

in episode 11, she’s very cranky to be woken up by mulder at 2:45 AM to poke around and investigate, and i don’t blame her!!

they’re trying to figure out what messages this dead hacker left behind when she points out the obvious (“anyone, uh, think to check his email?”) and the reaction from mulder and the lone gunmen is PRICELESS

(she also looks SO impressed when mulder figures out a series of random numbers is an ID for a shipping container. i swear she wanted him there)

her visible attraction to esther/invisgoth- i saw that tackling scene, the hand to the chest, the bullying (“what was your role in all of this? were you the bass player?”), scully's reaction to learning her name is esther, that face she made when esther asks “are you gonna take off my cuffs, or do i have to do this with my tongue?” ... scully. i know what you are.

and she is SO pissed off when esther takes her hostage- mulder calls while she's driving, and she picks up with the most flat and angry voice you can imagine: “where are you? it sounds like you’re driving” “you are correct, sir” 😐

but then esther starts sobbing in her car, and scully comforts her, putting her arm on her shoulder, as if moments ago there was not a gun to her face- because she is fundamentally a kind person and will offer a shoulder to cry on, even to this annoying, attractive goth lady who kidnapped her <3

(she also climbs onto a tractor trailer to tell a guy not to drive over the exploding bridge, which i thought was funny because she just gets right up there)

later in episode 11, she has to decide between killing this AI thing that will ruin the whole world or saving mulder, and she picks saving mulder with zero hesitation!!!!!!! and then carries him to safety!!! and tries to save esther, too!!!

there are SO many excellent moments in episode 12, but a special shoutout to: “first of all, if the family of ronnie strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for, i think the figure is $446 million, then you and i will most certainly be codefendants. and second of all… i don’t even HAVE a second of all, mulder! i’m in this as deep as you are, and i’m not even the one that overreacted! i didn’t do the (gesturing) with the thing!” <- scully being so mad she’s at a loss for words is SO funny to me!!!

she has to do an autopsy and lets out the saddest yeehaw ever recorded when her scalpel blade slips out (AND when she finds mushroom pizza in the dead guy's stomach, she thinks it sounds so good she orders some for herself... scully, you are so weird and i love you)

then when she finds more pizza in the second dead guy, she immediately realizes mulder is in danger, and runs back to save him from a teenage vampire!!!!

when mulder renounces his belief in the extraterrestrial in episode 13, she jokingly says her work here is done and tells him to have a nice life <3

she also grows to be cassandra’s defender, sticking up for her despite her eccentric story of alien abduction after she notices the parallels between their experiences; she breaks her agreement with spender to leave her alone because she needs to warn her that if she removes the implant, she will get very sick (!! again!!! her kindness!!!)

scully IMMEDIATELY noticing that mulder is being weird as hell in episode 18, but not knowing it is because he is undercover, and straight up confronting him about it (“i expect you to give me an answer. i expect you to tell me the truth” <- YEAH, YOU TELL HIM GIRL!)

and her accusing the motel worker of giving someone else her keys so she could figure out where tf mulder went: “who are you?” “who am i? who is he?!” and of course “are you the wife?” “not even close” <- oh she was so mad she suddenly knew how to lie!!! i watched that scene three times and laughed each time!

she’s also MAD AS HELL when she gets brought before the CIA representative and skinner and it killed me: “what the hell is going on?” “i apologize for our methods. they may well have saved agent mulder’s life” “what about my life? i don’t appreciate being run off the road” <- STOP RUNNING HER OFF OF ROADS!!! she knows her value and she is worth more than that!!!

but when they ask her if she’s suspicious of mulder’s actions lately, she IMMEDIATELY denies it. she might think that he is up to no good, but how DARE an outside party accuse him of this?!? this cannot be! she will defend his honor!!

(and breaking into his motel room to fix his finger........)

doctor nerd moments in episode 18 as she looks at bacteria and says “it looks like a streptococcus!” and then realizes it cannot be that, because “strep wouldn’t be able to survive any kind of exposure to the environment” (and then her incredibly confident “my research indicates that it was almost certainly developed domestically"... yeah, dr. scully MD is ON the CASE!!!)

when mulder gets all pissy in episode 19 because he thinks skinner is sending them on a busywork trip, she sets him straight: “you’re saying ‘i’ a lot. i heard ‘we’” <- ONCE AGAIN: GET HIS ASS!

sticking by her guns in episode 19 and refusing to autopsy the body and fuel mulder’s delusions (until she later is forced to)

later, he’s being held in the hospital, and the nurse refuses to let her see him, so she bursts in with her gun just in time to save him from some evil bug creature!!!

she holds gibson’s hand in episode 20, comforting him and walking him back to his room after he underwent testing <3 and later she chats with him about how his powers work while he watches cartoons; he says she doesn’t care what other people think, and she promises that no one will hurt him </3

then she brings the data she gathered from the testing to the lone gunmen, tells them to analyze it “with an eye to the parapsychological”, AND gets the tea on diana. truly a woman of action!

#so many good moments this season omg #the key takeaway here is i love that she is equal parts nerd and noir detective. it is so essential to her character.#yes i can shoot and kill mothman and yes i will take down this suspect with ease and yes i will save a million lives with science #but also i'm going to infodump about bugs and have a tomato poster on my wall and buy a silly tourist shirt before i even get to the beach #arguably a perfect character #anyway! this took a while so i hope i can get the other two posts up soon!#was thinking about making a list of best skinner moments from this season as well because he really had some good ones #so if you feel strongly on that let me know and maybe i'll share!#dana scully #the x files #txf

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ilikekidsshows · 18 hours ago

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did you see the spoilers for ml season 6 where there’s a new girl with a prosthetic leg and that leg ends up broken and marinette’s involved somehow? honestly i’m gonna give marinette the benefit of the doubt for now and just assume this is either a huge misunderstanding/accident or extremely misleading spoiler just because this is a serious thing, like I was super disappointed with how her character’s written in season 4 and 5 but I just don’t want to believe the writers would come up with something like this when this would easily be one of the worst things she’s ever done (if she’s actually responsible). I saw the spoiler on TikTok and there’s several explanations I’ve seen in the comments:

the new girl (idr her name) is lila/cerise in disguise and she wants to ruin marinette’s reputation (iirc the writers said she’s nice and not a villain but maybe they just don’t want to spoil the plot for obvious reasons)

marinette didn’t have bad intentions/it was an accident/misunderstanding/spoilers are too misleading/not enough information yet

and my least favorite explanation…the new girl was trying to get with adrien (some fans are saying this to say this is all part of her scheme to get adrien to break up with marinette and date her instead but some are saying this to justify marinette if she was actually at fault for this)

I think my main concern is how the writers are going to address this. What if they try to justify it if marinette really was at fault? Or what if it’s all a misunderstanding but then they put the new girl to the side to focus on how sad this is for marinette? Are they going to be able to address this in a way that doesn’t come across as ableist while also not making their protagonist look like a bad person? What do you think?

---

I just saw the leak, but at first I couldn't find it, so I’d already written a response before that, so here's me describing the possible nightmare scenarios before the writers proved me right about their priorities:

Like, hot take, but it doesn’t matter what the new girl is doing, messing with her mobility aid would still be absolutely unforgivable. Even if it’s Lila in disguise, Marinette has already exhibited so much ableism in trying to prove her disabilities aren’t real that I would just say that the writers shouldn’t be allowed to as much as mention any disability ever again. “A person claiming they’re disabled could be lying to get special considerations, so make sure to check any claims of disability, no matter how awful you come across for doing it,” is not a lesson that has any place in a children’s cartoon, even accidentally. And that’s exactly what any scenario with a girl faking a disability / using their disability to get closer to Adrien would entail as well, the idea that we should be suspicious of disabled people trying to “cheat” their way to things that “belong” to us.

But, like, even if it actually is going to be aiming to be an actual lesson in disabilities where it’s all a misunderstanding/mistake, the thing is that, lately, I’ve been looking back at the “lessons” in this show, even in the earlier seasons, and I just don’t have faith in these writers’ ability to deliver any kind of moral to kids in a consistent way, unless they’re going to have a character directly talk to the screen to explain what the moral is.

Let’s use ‘The Mime’ as an example. The scenario in this episode is that Marinette, through her clumsiness, deletes the most important video Alya had filmed so far, and then spends the rest of the episode trying to recreate the video in order to cover up for her mistake. In the end, it turns out there was no problem because Alya had already saved a copy of the video because she expected something like Marinette deleting it to happen, so she was never even mad or disappointed, but Marinette still sets up Alya to get a one-on-one interview with Ladybug. What did Marinette learn in this episode exactly?

The most good faith interpretation of the episode is that the point is that you own up and make up for your mistakes, hence Marinette setting Alya up to get an interview with Ladybug. But this message is muddled up by the fact that, even before the retool, the writers didn’t want Marinette suffering any real consequences for messing up, or to show her messing up in a way that couldn’t be “fixed”, so the video was actually safe and no irreparable damage was done. Alya had foreseen that Marinette would mess up and planned accordingly. This takes the wind out of the sails of the lesson because of course Marinette would do something nice for Alya, who’s such a considerate friend who never gets mad at her and plans around Marinette’s flaws. It’s a pretty different thing to go out of your way to apologise or make things up to someone who is actually mad at you for a good reason, and it requires a lot more courage. The situation in ‘The Mime’ is the easiest version of this situation imaginable for Marinette, but completely unrealistic for anyone facing this kind of situation in real life.

So, with this kind of previous showing back when I still had faith in this show, how would I expect them to deal with Marinette accidentally messing with someone’s mobility aid post-retool? I’d expect a lot of focus on how upsette Marinette is, because that’s the show’s number one priority outside of the love quest, with the show going out of it’s way to make it very clear that Marinette didn’t mean to, she feels really bad about it and she’s scared of how the new girl will react. At the end of the episode she would gather her courage and face the music, and it turns out the new girl was actually getting a new mobility aid that very same day and she wouldn’t have needed the old one any longer anyway. And then Marinette will maybe make some gesture of friendship that the new girl gladly accepts, no hard feelings. Any normal person would still be pissed about their expensive mobility aid being messed with, but the writers of this show never have characters react normally when the normal thing to do is not instantly forgive Marinette. So this scenario would be making things easy for Marinette, but completely unrealistic for the viewing audience.

Simply put, I really, really really hope the sneak preview is purposefully misleading, as they tend to be, and the crew doesn’t try to tackle the topic of physical disabilities with their tendency to favor the perspective of their coddled, able-bodied protagonist.

—

After seeing the leak:

So, like, fucking hell, way to further sully the idea that Marinette ever took her job as Ladybug seriously. Just to make herself look like the victim when she’s caught stalking someone (something she insisted last season she’d stopped doing), she goes so far as faking being Akumatized, transforming into Ladybug and jumping right in the middle of the field, of this girl's path, to scream about an Akuma attack. Like, the reveal that Sublime knew there was actually no Akuma and that Tomoe apparently made the leg less sturdy on purpose doesn’t make it better when Marinette got Sublime slippery and then startled her enough to make her slip. People break perfectly fine legs from slipping, it's why anti-skid devices sell so well in winter. All of this being an accident doesn’t make it okay, and Marinette sure as hell didn’t have anything close to those “good intentions” her stans love to attribute to her.

But, of course, her victim is going to be a perfect flawless angel who wasn't even upset about the stalking, instead defending Marinette to Ladybug, just in case saying: “this girl I know pretended to be Akumatized because she was caught stalking me” might make Marinette look bad to the audience. She also instantly reassures Ladybug, the one who actually caused her to slip, who hasn't done anything more than stare at her slack-jawed, because god forbid anyone ever say anything about Marinette that isn't validation or praise while she's too busy freaking out about herself.

Like, Marinette causes Sublime to break her leg, and we instantly see the victim in this situation go: “I’m okay, I’m not hurt”, while Marinette just stands there having her personal little panic attack. Like, a girl lost her leg, and the writers still try to sell Marinette as the injured party by having the victim insist she's okay while Marinette is having another one of her manipulative, please-feel-sorry-for-me-audience emotional breakdowns. The writers seriously made Marinette’s victim prioritize reassuring her over anything else.

I knew the writers were going to have Marinette be instantly forgiven, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so instant that she didn’t even get to finish processing her fuck-up. Or to go so out of their way to make Marinette seem less at fault because, like, Tomoe messing with the leg on purpose isn't a villain scheme, it was just to make Marinette look better in comparison.

The writers have this ability where, when I write down what I think would be a very likely way for one of their stories to go very badly, they do just that while still managing to make it worse.

#ml salt #ml critical #dats chats #ml leaks

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