#now I will go right back to my mp3s where I don't have to care about being interrupted by ads and wifi or server issues. In better quality
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tastytofusoup · 1 year ago
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I wanted to share this fun playlist (that I have locally, in foobar2000, with mp3s, because that's how I roll), so I have remade it on Spotify for those who use it.
Surprisingly the vast majority is actually on there - it's only a handful of tracks that aren't. A few things I've been able to replace nicely with covers though (why is the Final Fantasy X-2 soundtrack not on there? Garbage platform).
It's also an ever ongoing work-in-progress as I discover new sick jams in different games, and rearrange things so it ebs and flows better. But here you are: sweet videogame music, in a curated order, that's been in the works in various forms for like 5 years.
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wolfish-trickster · 9 months ago
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I want to choose you now
Gojo x fem!reader, Geto x fem!reader
Part 4
Previous part
Word count: 2K
Summary: Gojo comes to you to talk. You and him decide to have a serious conversation again. Both of you make some hurtful freudian slips, but Gojo still tries to win you back.
Warnings: bad grammar (possibly), typos, angst, very little comfort
Taglist: @ilovebattinson @catobsessedlady @tqd4455 @nanao4k
@abcdefghijklmmopqrstuvwxyz @username23345 @www-kiana-mp3 @wirwirfr
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Gojo knocked on the old door with probably too much force but he didn't really care.
He was well rested, freshly shaved and nicely dressed. The sky was clear with birds chasing eachother in the air which smelled like fresh flowers. It was a beautiful spring day. If it wasn't for the anxiety and guilt crushing his chest he would call this the ideal weekend.
Some shuffling behind the door and a sound of key unlocking said door later and Gojo was met with his old friend's face.
"Hey Shoko," he tried sounding nonchalant but it came out forced and fake, "is Y/N here?"
"Yes," she said and stood firmly in the free space between the halfway opened door and the doorframe, "will you cause trouble?"
"Don't you know me?" he teased with a nervous smile. Shoko didn't smile. Gojo gulped. "I won't. Promise."
This made Shoko smile. A little bit. "Good, you can come in," she opened the door wider and stepped out of the way.
It's been a while since Gojo's been to this place. Most of his time lately has been devided equally between Geto's and his shared home with Y/N. Well, more or less equally. But even though some furniture got replaced and Shoko rearranged a decoration here and there he could still feel the remnance of the trio they once were. The framed picture of their highschool graduation above the fireplace. The almost unnoticible stain on the carpet from Gojo's messy way of drinking milk after Geto dared him to eat the spiciest chili they could buy. Shoko didn't even change the kitchen table. He could still see that little burned spot from Shoko teaching both Geto and Gojo how to smoke. Gojo smiled when he remembered how both of them coughed like crazy and Geto almost burned down the whole kitchen with his fallen cigarette, hence the burned spot. And right next to it sat...
"Hi," you greeted in a small voice. Even though you tried to have neutral face he could see the sadness behind your eyes. The dissapointment. It fueled Gojo to fight even harder to earn your trust again.
"Can we talk?" He said without a greeting.
You and Shoko exchanged a look he couldn't decipher.
"Is there something to talk about?" You asked in return. Your seemingly neutral expression turned hostile with your eyebrows lowering over your eyes creating a slight scowl.
He realized he should've greeted.
"Yes, there is," he said gently and slowly took a step towards the kitchen table. You didn't flinch or tried to move away from him, which he took as a good sign.
"Like?"
"Us."
You shook your head. "There is no us Gojo."
He felt mild anxiety before. Now he felt like he could throw up.
"You blew it Satoru," said Shoko from behind him, "apologize, make peace and go."
"Since when are you on her side?" He snapped without thinking.
"What the hell Gojo?" you half yelled at him.
His head snapped back at you. "I-I didn't mean it like that. I-" his head kept turning from Shoko to you. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He needs to play this right. He can't afford another fuck up. "I'm sorry. But can you leave me and Y/N alone for a while?" he turned to Shoko with a pleading look he knew will work on her. He has mastered it over the years. "Please."
Shoko pondered it for a while. In the end she closed her eyes and sighed. "I need to go to class anyways," she said as she passed him to get her phone from where she left it to charge in the kitchen. Neither of you corrected her it's weekend and therefore no school.
After changing from pyjamas she walked to the front door. "Don't wreck my house, okay?"
Gojo didn't know who was this sentence meant for but he still nodded and mouthed a 'thanks'.
The door closed. The air got even more tense somehow. Gojo wanted to say everything at once but he had no idea how to start.
He pointed at the chair that was next to you, question in his eyes behind his black shades.
You nodded.
He smiled in relief and and turned the chair so he was fully facing you but sitting on it backwards as well to have the backrest to hold onto.
"So," he started and pushed the lump in his throat as deep as possible, "I had a talk with Suguru and-" you squirmed in your seat.
"Let me finish!" he quickly said in panic you'd walk out again after mentioning his best friend. "Just please let me finish."
"I didn't say anything," you said calmly.
"Yes but," he realized arguing with you would make the already bad situation even worse. "Nevermind," he looked at the floor. He never realized how much it resembled the one at Suguru's.
"Go on. You talked with Geto and?"
"Right," he nodded, "I talked with him and he made me realize I don't want to loose you. You are very important to me and now I see why you were upset. I admit, I was really spending too much time with him. But, I'm willing to try minimize my time with him and maximize the time I have with you."
You scoffed and smiled, still avoiding looking him in the eyes. "So you needed a third person to realize something was wrong with you?"
Gojo frowned. "There's nothing wrong with me."
You nodded. "Okay, sorry. I worded it wrong. But you understand don't you?"
"Yes, I do," he didn't. But in fear of making it worse he left it at that.
"Good," you leaned back. "At least we're getting somewhere."
He nodded. "Look, Suguru told me there were two types of love, one for friends and other for lovers. All my life I thought there was just one type of love. I was really confused when I first started having feelings towards you. At our first anniversary I realized I even forgot he even existed," a sad chuckle.
"I think," he continued, "that was the point when I wanted to spend more time with him. As to not lose him," he clarified.
Your expression slowly turned from neutral to sad to heartbroken.
"But I'm willing to fix that! As Suguru said you should be loved in a way a girlfriend is and I'll learn just that!"
"Oh, so you only loved me as a best friend till now?" You snapped and finally looked at him.
"No, that's not what I said," he raised his hands, palms turned towards you, as if he was calming down a wild animal. "I just told you I'm willing to work for this and even that isn't good enough for you?"
"Gojo-"
"Satoru."
"Gojo," you frowned at him. "I don't want to be with someone who literally has to learn how to love me."
"But I can do that," he said softly. "I can do that for you. See?" He reached out to wipe the tear slowly making its way down your cheek. "I can-"
You slapped his hand away before it could even touch you. "Why?"
"Huh?"
"Why do you want to be with me so much? You're free to hang out with Suguru as much as you'd like now that you're not with me."
Gojo closed his mouth. Did he hear correctly? "Why did you call him Suguru and not Geto?"
"Oh my god," you rolled your eyes, "that's what stuck with you? Out of all..."
"Answer me! Why are you using his first name and not mine?"
"It slipped out! Don't avoid-"
"Slipped out, my ass," he rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "Do you like him more than me now? A guy you barely met versus a guy you've been with for three years!"
"Can you stop?!" you cried out.
"Oh, why? Because I hit a sore spot? Did you get bored of me and developed a crush on him instead? Is that why you caused this whole mess in the first place? To break up with me even though I try so-"
"Me?!" You asked in disbelief. "It was you who was never home! And now you're blaming me for that?" your chest kept rising and falling rapidly. You placed a hand on it to calmed it down.
"No, I'm not blaming you for anything. See it's not my fault you had no one but me to fill your time!"
Quiet. You leaned away from him deeper into the chair.
"Y/N, I-" he had no words. How does he fix this. "I didn't-"
"Can you just answer the damn question?" you wiped your tears and gathered enough courage to look him in the eye. "After all of this, why are you still here? Why do you want me back? Don't you hate me?"
He violently shook his head. "No, god no! I could never."
"Then why?"
"You mean a lot to me."
You raised your eyebrows. "And?"
"And..." he needed to buy some time to think. What did you want to hear from him? What words would make you believe he really wants to have you back? "And I love you?"
Sad chuckle. "You're not even sure about that yourself."
"I am!" He argued back and cringed. He must've sounded like a stubborn child to you. "I love you Y/N. I really do. And if you think I don't then teach me what kind of love you want me to have for you."
"I already told you," you groaned. "I don't want you to force yourself to love me. I wnat someone who will want to love me on their own."
"I don't force myself. I really do love you. But it's obviously not enough or the right kind. Please Y/N."
He reached for your hands and even though you pulled them away he still grabbed them and held them. They were cold as ice.
"We felt good together, right? We had fun, we went out, we talked all night long. Don't throw this away. I don't want to be alone."
His hands held yours as if his life depended on it.
"So you just don't want to be alone," you concluded and sniffled.
He shook his head. "No," he wanted to say more but he didn't know what. He wanted you back. To hug you as the two of you fall asleep. To cook with you again. Spend time with you. Even without Suguru. He was ready to try that. He'll be there, just as he said. Gojo tried telling his head and his heart it's okay to neglect Suguru now. Focusing on you will become his priority. He'll do better this time. He begged his mouth to say all of that. And yet.
No words fell. From you nor him.
Clock kept ticking. Sun shone through Shoko's replaced window and created a beautiful rainbow which fell on your joined hands. Gojo smiled. Then something fell on the back of his hand. A tear.
He looked up. You were crying, but your head was also pretty far away. The tear that fell was his. His head maybe didn't know yet. But his heart. It knew.
You freed one of your hands and wiped his cheek. "You know what's the worst though?" you asked through your tears.
"Hmm?"
"It's not how you refuse to aknowledge you were in the wrong. Or how you still want to force Suguru into all of this when it should be just the two of us. It's none of that," you stood up and for the first time someone towered over Gojo and he felt true fear of what was about to come. "It's how you talked so much and yet you never said sorry."
*
"You sure they won't kill eachother there?" Geto asked as he gave Shoko his own lighter. Shoko threw her old one away and gladly accepted her friend's.
"I hope they won't," she slipped a new cigarette between her lips and lit it. This must be her third one in this hour. Right after she left she called Geto to meet up. Gojo was a dear friwnd to both of them. But they took a liking to you too. It hurt Shoko to hear how much of an ass her good friend was but ultimately she sympathized with you more. She hoped Gojo would come to his senses and do the right thing.
"Besides," she breathed out some smoke, "Satoru is a little dense but he isn't stupid. I trust he'll say the right words."
Geto hummed and kept walking.
Shoko pitied him. She was in a fairly difficult position. Gojo was her friend, sure, but so were you. Geto though? Gojo was his best friend since forever and Y/N was the girl he fell in love with. She was there when Geto got drunk one night and blabbed about how much he liked you and how good you were. She only thought it was a cute little crush from his side but after he sobered up she knew. He was speaking nothing but truth.
Even if Shoko knew Geto was much more mature than Gojo and you would much more appreciate him in the future Geto kept telling her the same thing: he can't do that to his best friend.
But even though she knew all this, she couldn't help but tease him one last time. "And even if it doesn't work out you can at least get a shot," she playfully nudged him.
"So you're well rested now," smiled and rubbed his arm.
She cocked her head to one side. "What do you mean?"
"Last night," he explained but Shoko was still clueless. "We texted," he tried more but it still didn't ring a bell for her.
"I was sleeping last night, Suguru," she took a drag from the cigarette and blew out grey smoke.
Geto stopped in his tracks. "What did you say?"
"Eeeh, I slept?"
Geto shook his head. "No, I meant what did you call me?"
"Suguru? Like always?" she said and studied his face. It turned from realization to blush to pure horror.
"You've always called me Suguru. Not even when we first met you didn't call me by my surname," he muttered and fished out hsi phone from his pants. He quickly found Shoko's contact and scrolled to the messages he had with her. He slowly turned his phone for Shoko to see. She got so surprised her cigarette fell from her hand as she stared at the last message next to her contact picture.
Geto...
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ejthenobody · 29 days ago
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A Random Rambly Thought About Hi-Fi Rush.
Sooooo while I haven't been able to play the game at all lately due to having a dead laptop that I need to get a job to pay to fix, I've been looking at LPs and whatnot of Hi-Fi Rush as the next best thing, daydreaming about what I'll do for my own Youtube videos on the game and my quest for 100% completion. Due to watching other people play the game I've ran into this fun little thought about it from a few playthroughs:
(Warning for possible spoilers for Hi-Fi Rush, go play it if you haven't)
Chai's trash guitar/"junker", as I like to call it, isn't actually becoming a guitar in the moments we see it transforming during a cutscene. That is purely in his head due to Chai being kind of delusional about his dreams of becoming a rockstar.
Now, I think this interpretation is wrong, BUT I wanna ramble about it anyway just because.
First and most boring reason why I think it's wrong is because, well, it's just the tone of Hi-Fi Rush's world and story. Chai's whacking stick becoming an actual guitar whenever he's, *IN THE ZONE*, is not the most absurd thing we see in the game and is fully believable in comparison to people like Roquefort or Kale's whole plan with Spectra. This is a slightly fantastical, bright and colorful world with super advanced technology and a main character whose sick-nasty powers are coming from an MP3 player mistakenly embedded in his chest, and if you've gotten to the point of asking if that guitar-shaped whacking stick is actually becoming a guitar or not, then you likely won't care anymore within the next ten seconds when he takes that guitar and smashes a giant robot's face in with it.
Secondly and from a more interesting angle, I think there's enough evidence within Hi-Fi Rush's story and gameplay that points to the idea that Chai's junker is actually transforming in the moments we see it doing so.
Like I mentioned earlier, Chai's guitar only seems to transform whenever he's really feeling it; whenever he's at the top of his game; whenever we're going so hard that we're getting S ranks like it's as easy as breathing. In gameplay, we see this as being a feature of regular combat, where Chai's junker will transform into a proper guitar when we're doing well. In cutscenes, we always see Chai's junker transform with this very specific effect, where it seemingly starts charging with this blue energy aura before it then shifts into a guitar and the aura quickly fades. We only see this during moments when Chai is likely feeling extremely confident, A.K.A. when he's literally delivering the final blows to every single boss. It's during the final boss fight with Kale himself we see something that clearly shows the guitar is actually a guitar directly after Kale is defeated. It's a brief moment where Chai drops the guitar on the ground and it doesn't break apart or revert back to the junker, it actually hits the ground like it should with a very distinctly not-pile-of-scrap-metal-hitting-the-floor sound.
Outside of all of that, in general, we're lead to believe that Chai's "musical robot powers" and the power boost they provide are very clear and very apparent to everybody, even if Chai's the only one moving to the beat and seeing the world as doing the same. He's noted as having a ton of firepower in comparison to everyone else by Macaron, with that one line about how, "If even Chai can't get through that wall, then we're out of luck," or however it goes. And while we're pointing out quotes, you can't forget Kale's, "All you're good at is hitting things with a guitar," line, which is another big point to the idea that Chai's whacking stick is actually becoming a guitar, since I doubt someone like Kale would be willing to call said bonking stick a guitar unless it was actually becoming one every now and then.
Okay, this is kinda random to say here at the bottom of all of that but I don't have much in the way of creative flow going on right now so coming up with an actual ending to all of that is kind of hard, buuuuuuuut: I think the thought of Chai's junker only transforming whenever he's feeling 700% confident is a fun, if unnecessary, headcanon as to why he's not using the Flying V Chai Custom in the ending cutscenes and instead has the Vandelay Custom Crimson Red. Because Chai isn't always at 700% confidence, and...Really no one is or can be, or at least should be. He's a cool dude but he definitely doesn't have his chest always puffed out, especially at the end of the game's story.
If the junker can only transform whenever he's at the peak of his game mentally, with all hype cylinders firing, then of course he can't use it as an actual guitar the rest of the time when he's just chilling out with the gang and practicing.
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ultimateissuessimp · 8 months ago
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A bit of sun won't hurt
One shot
Word count: 1,103
Warnings: None
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For some time now Y/N had been wishing for a perfect summer day, warm enough that he didn't have to sweat buckets, not a cloud brave enough to appear on the blue sky, a nice breeze going through his hair from time to time, accompanying the sun rays like an old friend. A day so good that he could finally put some tanning session into his schedule. Not that he needed it, oh no no, he simply wanted to enjoy every moment of the sun shining down on his skin.
But who would he be if he simply went to the beach? He didn't like the sand there. It was too coarse and rough… And it got everywhere, especially into his hair and that always was such an annoying thing to deal with. That's why he had decided to go on a walk that ended with him at the docks, nearing the Jolly Roger. A fantastic idea appeared in his mind that moved his legs again, getting him onto the ship and simply standing in the middle of the deck. He looked around for the certain captain of said ship, but not noticing him anywhere and not hearing a response after calling out his name, he shrugged his shoulders and shrugged his button up shirt off, laying it next on the wooden floor for it to act as a towel, not letting any dirt stick to his skin. He laid down on the shirt, sunglasses high up on the bridge of his nose to protect his eyes from the sun rays.
He was glad that he had put a heavy layer of SPF cream that was also a natural light tanner before he left his apartment. Y/N took out his MP3 player out of his shorts pocket alongside his headphones. He played a song that he hadn't heard in a long time. Usually he listened to a totally different type of music, but right now he decided on Lollipop by MIKA. Y/N swayed his head from left to right to the beat, lipsyncing the lyrics as he kept enjoying the nice summer's day.
That was before a shadow blocked the sung from getting him. He popped one eye open and looked up just to be met with Hook's questioning look.
-Not that I don't enjoy seeing your half naked body on my deck, but what in the bloody hell are you doing, starshine? - Killian asked, his right hand resting on his hip while the left arm rested against his side. His eyebrows raised as he unashamedly ogled the man laying on the deck of his ship, half naked and with some weird device laying next to his shiny body going up to his ears with some wires.
-I'm taking the sun in, the sun in which's way you currently are, so if you could kindly move to the side I would be forever grateful, handsome - Y/N answered, clearly unbothered if Killian actually had something against him doing that or not. He knew that the man would forgive him if he was actually mad, he wasn't stupid, he knew what sort of power he could hold over Hook. What he cared about though was that sweet, sweet sun.
Thankfully Killian moved off to the side, now standing near the MP3 where Y/N had put it. The pirate sat down next to him and took the MP3 into his hand, inspecting it out of curiosity and utter confusion about the device. He saw some words flash by, but he only caught out "Fallin'" and "Keys" somewhere on the end. He tilted his head before setting the MP3 down back onto the deck floor before leaning over Y/N, once again blocking the sun from getting to him.
-Ugh, Killian, you're blocking the sun again - Y/N whined out in slight annoyance at the pirate's antics, eyes still closed as he hoped to soon feel the warmth of the rays against his body once more.
-Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting you sunbathing without my knowledge on my ship? - Killian bit back, slight snark in his voice, but more so playful than actually irritated.
-Oh stop it, we both know you enjoy having me on your ship and now having me half naked on it without you having to initiate anything? You should feel lucky if anything, also you don't actually mind, do ya, captain? - Y/N asked, finally opening his eyes and lowering his shades down his nose to look properly at the pirate, a flirtatious smile on his lips as he teased him, knowing how much of a rise it got out of Killian when he used his title. He could see the pirate shiver at his words and a large grin stretched out his lips widely.
-What if I do mind? What if I want something in return for letting you use my ship as a sunbed? - Hook asked, sporting a smirk of his own as he lowered himself on his arms so their faces could be closer to each other. That made Y/N's eyebrow rise.
-Negotiations, aye? Fine. What would you like in return for using your ship's deck as a sunbed? - he asked, cheekily lifting his own chin up so their noses could rub together for a second before settling down again comfortably as if he hadn't moved at all.
-Just one thing. One small, quick thing and I'll leave you be - Killian said, his smirk widening as an idea popped into his mind. He looked directly into Y/N's eyes, his own speaking volumes as he closed the distance between them, his eyes now closed as he pressed his lips to the man's beneath him. It was quick and small, just as he said it would be. Yet by doing so he teased not only Y/N but himself too and he made it even worse by parting from him, getting up from his knees and walking off to his cabin. Leaving him feeling hot for more reasons than just the sun wrapping him up in its arms and engulfing him with warmth. Oh how that man made his head spin like a heat stroke. A very evident smirk on his face as he heard Y/N huff out in frustration. He could only count down the seconds before the shirtless man behind him would scramble up to his feet and rush after him, wanting to get more out of their little banter and it made him giggle like a child before dashing away to lock himself in the cabin. He loved summer days.
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frostbite-the-bat · 11 months ago
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no but genuinely. i love shadow filbo dearly. he means a lot to me.
he marks a time for me where i began embracing what i like just... for the sake of it!
he embodies the things that inspired me to draw online in the first place. hell, sparklecat characters with bangs have made me stop cutting my hair. i haven't cut my hair properly since. just because i wanted the same bangs, not knowing how hair works. now i have what is best described as messy fluttershy hair. to many people just how long my hair is, is what defines me when they see me and my hair is in a way special to me.
and again - he was what inspired me to draw. in class i'd be drawing my own sparklecats at the age of like 8, with bangs and wings and little companions that sit on clouds that rain hearts. (and bolts and skulls when ANGRY!)
i put rainbows on everything. i thought nyan cat was the embodiment of everything good in the world. i listened to nightcore versions of songs only. i say, as i am listening to nightcore, right now.
because of all these old classic animation memes and sparklefurs and silly scene and emo song flash animations i'd find... i'd pick up ms paint and draw. i imagined just how i'd animate, finding even the simplest methods absolutely mesmerising. there is something to be said about me being this young with internet access - because it very much so had it's negative effects. not me watching fetish videos at the age of 8 just because it had pokemon in it. yea that did not have any lasting effects.
but despite all this shit - it raised me! and even just a few years later... like.. 2015 when i began posting online on deviantart for the first time, not being just a lurker... learning how The Computer works better - not only drawing on paper anymore and gaining more and more interest towards digital art... i was already nostalgic towards these earlier days. but still living IN it, y'know?
just having fun, doing my own thing! isn't that what art is all about?
well. then the cringe culture nation attacked. severe bullying at school. and in general, just shame - which i am still fighting in certain aspects. but it's a bit more complicated than just "shame". (more so fear of Things.)
i'd look back at things with either genuine "cringe" or a distaste. how DARE these people have fun? because deep down, i was simply jealous.
if i was going to reference anything old like this, like classic animation memes, it was framed as "JOKE" "NOT SERIOUS" because i feared i would be harassed, made fun of, or people would thing THAT is the best of my artistic abilities. but... it's not like that.
and now, more and more people are embracing this. and it makes me so happy. and shadow filbo helped me fight off these fears a lot and just let me love what i love and be myself.
maybe it's not an ""aesthetic"" that completely defines me, maybe it IS a tik tok trend to do nowadays - but i don't care. without any of this i wouldn't be here. those were my first inspirations. silly colorful cats animated to crunchy mp3s of songs using movie maker and 3 (three!) frames drawn in ms paint. it had so much charm. it had so much genuinity. and i could feel it even back then.
without it i might've not been here as i am now. there are so many things that go into this, of course. but i simply would not be the exact way i am. and i dunno. that's something to think about.
thank you so much, shadow filbo. one "mistake" with you i've had was thinking i should be a good creator of something and respond to every fan and fanart, which only stressed me out. i have... opinions! about being recognized in various places and, as some dub, a "NICHE INTERNET MICROCELEBRITY" (nothing against you fox </3).... yeah! not a fan.
another mistake was dubbing him as a "joke" always. and... he is! he is humorous! i am a jokey person! i like crunchy shitposts! i like being the reason people laugh! i will go to certain levels to even ridicule myself just for the bit, and i don't mind it. i'm hyper(active) and i am just a jokey person, that's that. but... him being called a joke was honestly just a shield from people taking him too seriously.
if people were to mock me for being nostalgic for nightcore, and rainbows, and edgy amvs, sparkledogs, scene culture and clothes, rave songs... all this!
but... no! people loved it! people loved it so much, it moved THEM to create art!
me, referencing things that made ME inspired to draw all those years ago - then inspired OTHERS to draw other things. to embrace themselves. to have fun. to connect.
it means so much to me. it's a bit odd to comprehend, too.
but it means the world to me. sorry if i am ever annoying about shadow filbo, and is often the first thing i bring up when bugsnax is brought up - but he is the highlight of my experience with bugsnax.
thank you so much, shadow filbo. and me and my wretched little claws, of course. for making them. and those that inspired me. those old friends i lost along the way, too. and those, that inspired those that inspired me. and so forth.
thank you.
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the-owl-house-takes · 1 year ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/the-owl-house-takes/739902025110814720/httpswwwtumblrcomthe-owl-house-takes73915284?source=share
Okay man, I will let you in on a little secret, from one severely traumatized person to someone else. Luz is traumatized, this made her do bad things. On the scale of bad reactions to trauma Luz is taking it like a fucking CHAMP. She got used and manipulated and that's bound to make someone feel gross and slimy, especially KNOWING as much as Luz knows about how what she did helped someone so EVIL. Should she have been honest? Yes. But also you dense motherfucker, that was probably the LEAST BAD THING she could have DONE in reaction to this trauma.
For a few years, starting when I was 11, some of the most horrific shit you could imagine was happening to me. No details because. You know. Not the place, I don't get the option to throw this under a read more. When I was 13 I did the "right thing" and turned in the person hurting me. But where I lived didn't have good therapists, I already had bipolar (diagnosed in 1st grade, yes for real) and it was getting worse. I would become extremely hostile and easy to set off. I broke aluminum brooms on people's backs. I stabbed people with pencils in high school. I literally missed the start of class to find out where a kid who stole some food from me in the previous class was so I walked into his class and SCREAMED AT HIM. Someone stole my MP3 and I had a meltdown for the entire duration of choir screaming at everyone to give it back because it was extremely unlikely that someone came in the private choir hallway to take my puny outdated MP3. I was a huge fucking piece of shit and I work every day to better myself from who I was in high school. The other day I had someone who knew me in high school come up to me and APOLOGIZE. I was constantly being bullied. I told him I genuinely didn't even remember what he said because it was over 10 years ago now, but told him to pass on to a few of the people I stabbed that I'm sorry. He still bought me a drink because he felt so bad. But I also felt bad. Yeah the only people who can forgive me are the people I've hurt, so I actually don't want to fucking hear your opinion on it.
The other characters in the show are actually emotionally intelligent and understand that even if what Luz did was bad they know she has proven to them that she cares about them and was only afraid of losing them. Speaking as someone who has not a single childhood friend from being the weirdest kid in SPED every year and moving just as frequently, I can absolutely understand the fear of losing the only friends you have and becoming ALONE again.
If this is how you react to any fucking "misbehavior" by someone so hurt then I would rather never hear another thing you have to say. Traumatized children are going through fucking enough.
When I was 10 I jumped off a swingset and landed funny on my arm. I told my mom's boyfriend and he said it was fine. I wore slings I made myself out of paper towels for a month because it hurt to let my arm hang down. Now sometimes when I lift heavy things or sleep on it wrong my arm hurts a bit. I had it x-ray'd a few years back and the bones were only very slightly deformed. Untreated breaks can end much MUCH worse. But when my arm hurts now I don't blame my fucking arm, I blame my mom's shitty boyfriend for not taking me to the fucking hospital (he never told my mom either).
So anyways Luz did a bad thing but she could have literally done a billion things so much worse and her friends forgiving her is not bad writing it's because they LOVE HER, and I don't know why there's so much fucking discourse on this specific topic, the people she hurt forgave her, your opinion is not relevant to this plot point because she didn't hurt you specifically. So sorry anon, that Luz Noceda lied to you specifically and hurt your feelings so bad. It's framed as a bad thing in the show even tf is wrong with you.
-
11 notes · View notes
twotwinks · 1 year ago
Note
rain + bankita
woo yay my first ever bankita fic! it was so hard to write actually whoops. yu's voice didn't come as easily to me as some of my other little guys, so it took a few tries for things to start feeling right. hopefully this isn't an indication of how future attempts will go!
send me a fall prompt! 🍂
(also available on ao3 for registered users!)
It had started pouring down rain in the early afternoon, seemingly out of nowhere and to most people's surprise. Yu was lucky enough to have an umbrella on him, but he knew there were plenty of others who hadn't been so fortunate. People rushed past him as he walked home, trying to escape the downpour as quickly as possible. Still others crowded under awnings, eaves, bus stops — anywhere that provided even a bit of cover.
Yu eventually spotted a familiar face among that crowd, pressed up against a building to avoid as much of the shower as he could. With his blue hair slicked down and clothes dripping nonstop, he looked for all the world like one of the stray cats Yu often cared for. Still, there was no mistaking who it was. Yu quickly changed course and headed for his friend’s hiding spot.
He came to a stop in front of the boy and offered up a smile. “Minato, hi.”
"Oh. Hey." The very corner of Minato's mouth twitched up in response.
Minato looked a little strange without his signature headphones and mp3 player, both instead safely tucked away in his bag out of the rain. He seemed to feel out of place without them too, fidgeting with his collar and shifting his weight from foot to foot. Eventually he leaned out from beneath his cover to peer idly up at the sky, watching to see if the rain showed any signs of letting up.
Yu tilted his head towards the right side of Minato's face, where his eye was now completely obscured behind the bangs plastered to his face. “Can you even see out of that eye?”
"Not really."
"Here." Without thinking, Yu reached up to brush away the sheet of hair, carefully unsticking it from Minato's skin. Minato went still under his touch, simply staring at the ground between their feet without a sound.
The change in his posture was subtle, but still enough to make Yu aware of what he was doing. He pulled his hand back sheepishly. "Sorry. I should've asked first."
Minato blinked a few times, seeming to reorient himself. "It's fine."
The unusual quietness of his voice made Yu doubt that it really was.
He took a step back and lightly cleared his throat. He’d nearly forgotten why he’d gone over to Minato in the first place, but this seemed like as good an opportunity as any to bring it up. "Why don't I walk you home? You'll stay drier that way." He raised his umbrella slightly, a physical invitation to join him.
"No, I’m alright." At least Minato sounded like himself again. "I'd probably bump into you and get you wet too."
"I don't mind. A little water won't hurt me."
Minato considered for a minute more, then nodded slightly. "Okay. If you’re sure." He stepped out from under his shelter and slid quickly into place alongside Yu. “Um. Thanks.”
“It’s no problem. I’m glad I saw you so I could help you out.”
The pair fell into step together easily, making small talk as they went. Yu found himself leading the conversation more often than not, with Minato only chiming in every now and then. It was a weird feeling. He was used to being the quiet one in situations like this, but Minato somehow managed to speak even less than Yu normally would. It seemed…sad, in a way, like he felt that he had to hold back like this. Yu started making attempts to engage him more in the conversation. He wanted Minato to feel safe around him, like he didn’t have to hide so much.
They soon came to a stop at a crosswalk, and sure enough, Minato bumped his elbow into Yu’s arm.
"Oh. Sorry." Minato quickly finished crossing his arms, presumably to try and keep himself warm. He peered up at Yu from beneath his bangs and almost-smiled again. "Told you that would happen."
"And I told you it wouldn't hurt me." In fact, the slightly damp patch on Yu's sleeve was nowhere near as concerning to him as the actions of the boy by his side. It hadn’t occurred to him that Minato was likely to get chilled from his earlier drenching. They probably needed to get him someplace warm soon. "Hey. My place is closer than yours. Why don't you come over for a while? You can dry off and maybe wait out the rain.”
Minato turned his head to properly look up at Yu, sporting his usual impossible-to-parse expression with his mouth slightly open. Yu wondered if he’d actually managed to catch him off guard with the sudden invitation. He smiled, hoping it would be encouraging. Minato watched him for a moment more, then turned and stared down at the pavement.
“Sure.” His voice was soft again, but in a completely different way than it had been earlier.
Yu fumbled for words for a few seconds. "Oh. Um. Alright. Good." He hadn’t realized just how much he’d wanted Minato to say yes. He hadn’t expected it to be so easy to convince him, either. Minato had always been the kind of guy to just go with the flow, but he was also notorious for keeping his distance from pretty much everyone. Maybe he’d also decided it would be best for his health. Or maybe he’d actually wanted to come over?
Yu was pretty sure it was the first thing, but just the thought of the second made his chest feel funny.
They set off together once again, now headed towards their new destination. It might have just been Yu’s imagination, but Minato seemed more willing to talk on the way. Maybe this whole thing really had let them get a little closer to each other.
And if not, there would still be plenty of time before the rain stopped.
12 notes · View notes
dine-on-nervine · 7 months ago
Text
I do miss the Editable Reblogs feature of Xkit.
What did you have for dinner tonight? It's 6:29am. The plan is two hotdogs from my girlfriend's work party.
If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on? Probably get a new electric or hybrid car, and do something about my girlfriend's debts. The rest would go in the bank.
Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend? Likely. My mother's reaction was "grow up", to which I pointed out that since I was 17 I was very much acting age-appropriate.
What does your bedroom smell like right now? I don't want to figure it out. First thing in the morning two hot bodies breathing overnight raises the temperature to humid.
Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before? Yes, actually. There was the time my grandmother noticed I trimmed my eyelashes, but no one said a word about my brows.
Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids? I don't want children.
You're pregnant with twins: What do you name them? This happened years ago, and the names were David and Clarissa.
Describe your outfit. Stark freaking naked right now.
What gigabyte is your memory card? Which one? The camera is half a gig. The phone is 32gb.
What brand is your digital camera? Kodak.
When was the last time you hung out with your best friend? Last year. He says he wants to come over here but doesn't trust his car, plus has a financial incentive to wait until the second half of August, so it'll be a little while.
What is a movie you're waiting to see? I don't really care about movies presently, but my girlfriend passed me the trailer to a movie about Santa Claus (played by JK Simmons) getting kidnapped which might be interesting.
Who was the last person to cook something for you? Tanya.
Do you ever sit and think What If about something? On the daily.
If so, what is it? I have a list.
What’s on tv right now? I would not know this. I don't have a television.
Do you ever stop and smell the roses? I do try.
Where do you download music from? Mostly from SoulSeek, though the occasional YouTube-to-MP3 site fills in some gaps.
How many channels do you have on your tv? No TV.
What are you most scared of? "Stupid people in large groups", said George Carlin. The orange menace to democracy and his fascist followers.
If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose? Sam Kinison.
Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm still tight with my ex, but have nothing to do with any of the former girlfriends after her. I used to stay in contact with old girlfriends from my youth but time has passed.
If so, which one? Asked and answered.
What is your mom doing right now? Hell if I know, she's four hours away. But probably having breakfast because she's an early riser.
Are you currently listening to music? No.
What is the weather like right now? Looked okay at 5am, but it will likely rain a bit later.
Do you like new music or older music? Older music since there hasn't been much good music put out there since the 1990s. Also, get off my lawn.
If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make? I'd break the double-standard about showing breasts in America. The nation would be a happier place if everyone could get their tits out.
What was the last video game you played? Not really sure, it's been awhile. But in other news, the writer of H.E.R.O. for the Atari 2600 has written a new 2600 game which went on sale about a week ago. Money's tight until after July 2 and then I go on a road trip so can't spend much yet.
What is currently going on in the room you're in right now? I'm writing this reply. Girlfriend left for work an hour and a half ago. Nothing else is possible.
Do you know where your best friend is? He's probably in bed dreaming about gay porn.
Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook? I'd have to look. [looking] A woman by the name of Denise, who spoke of watching a movie that she read about in Penthouse.
What is your display picture of on Facebook? The keyboard of a 1917 Underwood #5 typewriter.
Do you ever sit and think about the past? Nearly nonstop.
If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be? The one my mind always goes to was from when I was 13 and the opportunity for something great came up but I didn't know how to approach it so squandered the chance.
Are you a talker or a listener? Definitely more of a listener.
What is one food you will not eat? I am not fond of strawberries or raspberries.
Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat? Quite a few things. Our perceptions of food are formed by what we were served by our parents, and there was a lot they didn't touch.
Have you ever kissed the same sex? Once. That's how I know I am straight, I was pretty wigged out.
When does school start this year? It just got out. Leave them kids alone!
Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason? You're talking about parents and siblings.
Have you stuck with your new years resolution? I didn't really make one this year.
Do you need to lose any weight right now? Yeah. Which circles back to my new years resolution I didn't make.
What is something you want right now? To be asleep and not have to go to work today. Neither of those are possible. So I will settle for some dirty pictures after I post this.
Do you hate when you see teachers in stores? Actually I like it since I've been out of school for decades.
What always puts a smile on your face? Boobies. Ante up, I need a grin this morning.
Where can I find you on a Saturday night? Wherever I happen to go, or right here at home.
What is the best thing about Sundays? My weekend has started.
What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)? My MP3 players.
How many songs do you have? On the USB thumbdrive in the car, 1200. On my hard drive, no idea but it's probably like ten thousand.
When was the last time you had a period? As a guy, I have never had one.
Why do you think the sky is blue? Diffraction of light.
If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose? Blue is fine, with the occasional purple to keep people's attention.
Is there anything wrong with you right now? Sometimes I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go, but most of the time I've got a place to be and nothing to wear.
Do you hate when people stare at you? I do tricks when that happens, it's what they're waiting for... right?
0 notes
thedivinefish · 7 months ago
Text
TGIWednesday: I don't know why
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TGIWednesday News
I believe often life is just us following the breadcrumbs through the magical forest.  We never know what's going to happen next and often asking 'why?' will just keep you curled up on the couch 🛋️ and living in a loop. ➰ I have shoes scattered everywhere and the other morning found thick black Skechers style shoes under the couch that I hadn't worn in a while.  I slipped them on and went outside to feed the outside cats 🐈birds 🐦 squirrels 🐿️ and other magical forest creatures that are sometimes waiting on me. Walking back in a more dense area by my fence I felt something that felt as if I had stepped on a rock and as I continued to walk, it was still stuck to the bottom of my shoe.  I stopped to check it out and it was a long, rusty roofing nail that went right through the bottom of my shoe 👟!  If I had been wearing my regular shoes or flip flops 🩴 I'd be heading to the doctors for a tetanus shot!  What led me to put those shoes on?  Magical fairies🧚, angels, guides, loved ones in spirit?  Regardless of who or what it was, I was thankful that a force greater than myself that runs in around and through me and everything in the Universe gave me a little wink of, "We got this!" 
Get on my schedule today and let's make some magic together! View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins | Appointments
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Claim this Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE BONUS with any MBWorks order - a $25 value 
Also, last chance to get Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point Audio Processes at the Intro price of $49 
It's all about raising your consciousness to higher levels so you can rise above all the turbulence and the noise and the general BS that we all seem to be going through - it's been dicey at best so use this MP3 to level things out!
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"Hey Jimmy, this product is outstanding, the best !!!. This healing is absolutely amazing. thank you so much for your love and caring for humanity and all life. Thanks, much love to you." - Steve T. "Thanks, as always! I've listened to the Restore Point MP3 and Cosmic Currency bonus a couple of times now, and really do feel it's steering me in the right direction, especially regarding my general outlook on things and emotional mindset."  - T. Diaz Read more here >>
Last chance, just $49 USD
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 ~ CLEARING THE MIND CHATTER ~
I believe, think, know and feel that in the silence I remain open and receptive to what is best for me.  I am ready, willing and able to delete out all the mind chatter and recognize that I am in the flow of life.  I know when, where, how and why to remain still enough, for long enough, to quiet my mind and to be in allowance and acceptance of the greater good.  I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  Making daily progress will allow the rest of your life to be the best of your life!
▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔
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For the remainder of 2024, each month we will focus on the theme of Clearing the 7 Well-Springs of Life during our monthly Zoom event.  Body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships, Health, Money, Work/Job/Career/Purpose
THURSDAY JUNE 27, 2024 4:00pm ET  |  1:00pm PT  | 10:00pm UK Pre-registration is $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7-wellsprings-mind-clearings
Call #2 Theme:  Mind Clearings: Past/Present/Future
1) Past
I am releasing ________from my past
[would of, could of, should of, regrets, judgments, sadness, sorrow, loss of a loved one or pet. obsessive thoughts about how I would have done this or said that. Any and all things from the past that still tend to haunt me!
current overshadowing that is still with me from my past education, religion, politics or societal norms]
2) Present
I am now releasing________from my current/present. 
[overthinking about how to make it through today. Sadness and sorrow about the world we live in, any issues with finances, debt, family, children/grandchildren, work job/career/ relatives and relationships any and all mental illness, OCD, ADD, ADHD, addictions Rx meds etc]
3) Future
Please release from my mind______
[overthinking about money and outliving what I have. Catastrophic health issues, things that keep me up at night, wars, the dark parade of the unimaginable, aging and hauntings/dark energies. And any other worry that comes into your awareness about the future]   
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divinefishingtips · 7 months ago
Text
TGIWednesday: I don't know why
Tumblr media
TGIWednesday News
I believe often life is just us following the breadcrumbs through the magical forest.  We never know what's going to happen next and often asking 'why?' will just keep you curled up on the couch 🛋️ and living in a loop. ➰ I have shoes scattered everywhere and the other morning found thick black Skechers style shoes under the couch that I hadn't worn in a while.  I slipped them on and went outside to feed the outside cats 🐈birds 🐦 squirrels 🐿️ and other magical forest creatures that are sometimes waiting on me. Walking back in a more dense area by my fence I felt something that felt as if I had stepped on a rock and as I continued to walk, it was still stuck to the bottom of my shoe.  I stopped to check it out and it was a long, rusty roofing nail that went right through the bottom of my shoe 👟!  If I had been wearing my regular shoes or flip flops 🩴 I'd be heading to the doctors for a tetanus shot!  What led me to put those shoes on?  Magical fairies🧚, angels, guides, loved ones in spirit?  Regardless of who or what it was, I was thankful that a force greater than myself that runs in around and through me and everything in the Universe gave me a little wink of, "We got this!" 
Get on my schedule today and let's make some magic together! View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins | Appointments
Discount Offer Ends at Midnight 
ENDING TONIGHT  Buy ANY MyBeliefWorks Audio and get the Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE!  
Tumblr media
Claim this Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE BONUS with any MBWorks order - a $25 value 
Also, last chance to get Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point Audio Processes at the Intro price of $49 
It's all about raising your consciousness to higher levels so you can rise above all the turbulence and the noise and the general BS that we all seem to be going through - it's been dicey at best so use this MP3 to level things out!
Tumblr media
"Hey Jimmy, this product is outstanding, the best !!!. This healing is absolutely amazing. thank you so much for your love and caring for humanity and all life. Thanks, much love to you." - Steve T. "Thanks, as always! I've listened to the Restore Point MP3 and Cosmic Currency bonus a couple of times now, and really do feel it's steering me in the right direction, especially regarding my general outlook on things and emotional mindset."  - T. Diaz Read more here >>
Last chance, just $49 USD
TGIWednesday Video Download
Tumblr media
 ~ CLEARING THE MIND CHATTER ~
I believe, think, know and feel that in the silence I remain open and receptive to what is best for me.  I am ready, willing and able to delete out all the mind chatter and recognize that I am in the flow of life.  I know when, where, how and why to remain still enough, for long enough, to quiet my mind and to be in allowance and acceptance of the greater good.  I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  Making daily progress will allow the rest of your life to be the best of your life!
▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔
LIVE  Zoom Event Tomorrow!
Tumblr media
For the remainder of 2024, each month we will focus on the theme of Clearing the 7 Well-Springs of Life during our monthly Zoom event.  Body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships, Health, Money, Work/Job/Career/Purpose
THURSDAY JUNE 27, 2024 4:00pm ET  |  1:00pm PT  | 10:00pm UK Pre-registration is $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7-wellsprings-mind-clearings
Call #2 Theme:  Mind Clearings: Past/Present/Future
1) Past
I am releasing ________from my past
[would of, could of, should of, regrets, judgments, sadness, sorrow, loss of a loved one or pet. obsessive thoughts about how I would have done this or said that. Any and all things from the past that still tend to haunt me!
current overshadowing that is still with me from my past education, religion, politics or societal norms]
2) Present
I am now releasing________from my current/present. 
[overthinking about how to make it through today. Sadness and sorrow about the world we live in, any issues with finances, debt, family, children/grandchildren, work job/career/ relatives and relationships any and all mental illness, OCD, ADD, ADHD, addictions Rx meds etc]
3) Future
Please release from my mind______
[overthinking about money and outliving what I have. Catastrophic health issues, things that keep me up at night, wars, the dark parade of the unimaginable, aging and hauntings/dark energies. And any other worry that comes into your awareness about the future]   
SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, submit your top 3 words/statements in the format above by Wed. the 26th to [email protected] 
Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)
Register Here - $22
Come See Me in Tampa Office
Tumblr media
SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS  
Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions in Tampa. The next opportunity to book a session there is:
FRIDAY JULY 19TH | 10-4pm 
Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $45 or 30-minutes $75. If you’re new to working with him, we suggest you schedule 30 minutes.
403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy
http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com
Fish Food 
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!
Tumblr media
JUNE 26TH  "Today I will appreciate messengers from spirit. I will recognize the birds of spirit and all signs that are unusual, and helpful, and different in what shows up in our lives. I will acknowledge the love that spirit relays to me through signs that represent the mystical."  
FREE Live Appearances
Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.
https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/
**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**
From the Fish Box
MY DAILY PRAYER TESTIMONIAL
Tumblr media
  Hi Jimmy, Thank you for the great sessions. This was the real deal. I really felt comfortable and felt that my aura was cleared and felt the positive results.  I really liked it and I also have recommended your great services to close friends and relatives. It's a real blessing to be healed by Jimmy and I will be booking another session soon and will be practicing his teachings. I felt the progress in busines, in health, felt that positive energy flow, this is all so amazing. I'm happy to have purchased Jimmy's products and thank God for such a great opportunity! Looking forward to more sessions and support from Jimmy!" - Best Regards, Z
The Fish Market
Tumblr media
Our online shop is getting a makeover! Get a preview now as you look over the 40+ audio titles in our MyBeliefWorks Audio Collections. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s)  We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better and we are ALWAYS working on the next one. Don’t forget… you can share these with your immediate friends and family. 🏆 Best Sellers
💸 The Prosperity Collection  🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection 
Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy
Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you. Looking for a new job?  Going through a court proceeding? Upcoming surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  Need help selling or buying a property? Troubled times in your relationship? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program.
30 Days of Daily Prayer (single month) - $99/month This $99 service is for ONE SINGLE MONTH of 30 DAYS ONLY.  👉Click here After the 30 days, you will receive an email from Jimmy and have the opportunity to renew for an additional month plus update your list, but you are under no obligation.
You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.
**NOTE: Most clients save money and choose the auto-renew option listed below so they do not miss a single day of prayers PLUS they take advantage of the cummulative effects of this service over time. Monthly subscription - $95/month on auto-renew 
👉 PayPal for subscription Click here 
👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here. 
*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.
---------------------------------
Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy?  If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins  
​Visit our ​O​nline ​Training Center "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu
Tumblr media
All are welcome to CREATE A FREE ACCOUNT to access the NEW and IMPROVED My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple Basic Training Course. Anchors Away Masterclass:  Sustain and clear and sovereign energetic field of dark energies and anomalies. Life Force Energy Masterclass: Enhance your fishing practice by approaching from a deeper, numeric level. MLF Mastery & Advanced Practitioner Certification Courses
Visit now, Click Here!
TGIFunny
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Share
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Jimmy Mack ​​​ Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Appointments | FAQs View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 min www.jimmymackhealing.com Free Resources: Learn MLF for FREE | Videos on YouTube | Radio Show Archives Advanced Training: Masterclasses | Mastery and Practitioner Certification Clearing Audio Downloads​ and eBooks http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com ©1996-2024 All Rights Reserved.  
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com
0 notes
365dailyaffirmations · 7 months ago
Text
TGIWednesday: I don't know why
Tumblr media
TGIWednesday News
I believe often life is just us following the breadcrumbs through the magical forest.  We never know what's going to happen next and often asking 'why?' will just keep you curled up on the couch 🛋️ and living in a loop. ➰ I have shoes scattered everywhere and the other morning found thick black Skechers style shoes under the couch that I hadn't worn in a while.  I slipped them on and went outside to feed the outside cats 🐈birds 🐦 squirrels 🐿️ and other magical forest creatures that are sometimes waiting on me. Walking back in a more dense area by my fence I felt something that felt as if I had stepped on a rock and as I continued to walk, it was still stuck to the bottom of my shoe.  I stopped to check it out and it was a long, rusty roofing nail that went right through the bottom of my shoe 👟!  If I had been wearing my regular shoes or flip flops 🩴 I'd be heading to the doctors for a tetanus shot!  What led me to put those shoes on?  Magical fairies🧚, angels, guides, loved ones in spirit?  Regardless of who or what it was, I was thankful that a force greater than myself that runs in around and through me and everything in the Universe gave me a little wink of, "We got this!" 
Get on my schedule today and let's make some magic together! View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins | Appointments
Discount Offer Ends at Midnight 
ENDING TONIGHT  Buy ANY MyBeliefWorks Audio and get the Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE!  
Tumblr media
Claim this Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE BONUS with any MBWorks order - a $25 value 
Also, last chance to get Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point Audio Processes at the Intro price of $49 
It's all about raising your consciousness to higher levels so you can rise above all the turbulence and the noise and the general BS that we all seem to be going through - it's been dicey at best so use this MP3 to level things out!
Tumblr media
"Hey Jimmy, this product is outstanding, the best !!!. This healing is absolutely amazing. thank you so much for your love and caring for humanity and all life. Thanks, much love to you." - Steve T. "Thanks, as always! I've listened to the Restore Point MP3 and Cosmic Currency bonus a couple of times now, and really do feel it's steering me in the right direction, especially regarding my general outlook on things and emotional mindset."  - T. Diaz Read more here >>
Last chance, just $49 USD
TGIWednesday Video Download
Tumblr media
 ~ CLEARING THE MIND CHATTER ~
I believe, think, know and feel that in the silence I remain open and receptive to what is best for me.  I am ready, willing and able to delete out all the mind chatter and recognize that I am in the flow of life.  I know when, where, how and why to remain still enough, for long enough, to quiet my mind and to be in allowance and acceptance of the greater good.  I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  Making daily progress will allow the rest of your life to be the best of your life!
▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔
LIVE  Zoom Event Tomorrow!
Tumblr media
For the remainder of 2024, each month we will focus on the theme of Clearing the 7 Well-Springs of Life during our monthly Zoom event.  Body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships, Health, Money, Work/Job/Career/Purpose
THURSDAY JUNE 27, 2024 4:00pm ET  |  1:00pm PT  | 10:00pm UK Pre-registration is $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7-wellsprings-mind-clearings
Call #2 Theme:  Mind Clearings: Past/Present/Future
1) Past
I am releasing ________from my past
[would of, could of, should of, regrets, judgments, sadness, sorrow, loss of a loved one or pet. obsessive thoughts about how I would have done this or said that. Any and all things from the past that still tend to haunt me!
current overshadowing that is still with me from my past education, religion, politics or societal norms]
2) Present
I am now releasing________from my current/present. 
[overthinking about how to make it through today. Sadness and sorrow about the world we live in, any issues with finances, debt, family, children/grandchildren, work job/career/ relatives and relationships any and all mental illness, OCD, ADD, ADHD, addictions Rx meds etc]
3) Future
Please release from my mind______
[overthinking about money and outliving what I have. Catastrophic health issues, things that keep me up at night, wars, the dark parade of the unimaginable, aging and hauntings/dark energies. And any other worry that comes into your awareness about the future]   
SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, submit your top 3 words/statements in the format above by Wed. the 26th to [email protected] 
Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)
Register Here - $22
Come See Me in Tampa Office
Tumblr media
SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS  
Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions in Tampa. The next opportunity to book a session there is:
FRIDAY JULY 19TH | 10-4pm 
Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $45 or 30-minutes $75. If you’re new to working with him, we suggest you schedule 30 minutes.
403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy
http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com
Fish Food 
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!
Tumblr media
JUNE 26TH  "Today I will appreciate messengers from spirit. I will recognize the birds of spirit and all signs that are unusual, and helpful, and different in what shows up in our lives. I will acknowledge the love that spirit relays to me through signs that represent the mystical."  
FREE Live Appearances
Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.
https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/
**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**
From the Fish Box
MY DAILY PRAYER TESTIMONIAL
Tumblr media
  Hi Jimmy, Thank you for the great sessions. This was the real deal. I really felt comfortable and felt that my aura was cleared and felt the positive results.  I really liked it and I also have recommended your great services to close friends and relatives. It's a real blessing to be healed by Jimmy and I will be booking another session soon and will be practicing his teachings. I felt the progress in busines, in health, felt that positive energy flow, this is all so amazing. I'm happy to have purchased Jimmy's products and thank God for such a great opportunity! Looking forward to more sessions and support from Jimmy!" - Best Regards, Z
The Fish Market
Tumblr media
Our online shop is getting a makeover! Get a preview now as you look over the 40+ audio titles in our MyBeliefWorks Audio Collections. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s)  We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better and we are ALWAYS working on the next one. Don’t forget… you can share these with your immediate friends and family. 🏆 Best Sellers
💸 The Prosperity Collection  🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection 
Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy
Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you. Looking for a new job?  Going through a court proceeding? Upcoming surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  Need help selling or buying a property? Troubled times in your relationship? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program.
30 Days of Daily Prayer (single month) - $99/month This $99 service is for ONE SINGLE MONTH of 30 DAYS ONLY.  👉Click here After the 30 days, you will receive an email from Jimmy and have the opportunity to renew for an additional month plus update your list, but you are under no obligation.
You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.
**NOTE: Most clients save money and choose the auto-renew option listed below so they do not miss a single day of prayers PLUS they take advantage of the cummulative effects of this service over time. Monthly subscription - $95/month on auto-renew 
👉 PayPal for subscription Click here 
👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here. 
*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.
---------------------------------
Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy?  If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins  
​Visit our ​O​nline ​Training Center "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu
Tumblr media
All are welcome to CREATE A FREE ACCOUNT to access the NEW and IMPROVED My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple Basic Training Course. Anchors Away Masterclass:  Sustain and clear and sovereign energetic field of dark energies and anomalies. Life Force Energy Masterclass: Enhance your fishing practice by approaching from a deeper, numeric level. MLF Mastery & Advanced Practitioner Certification Courses
Visit now, Click Here!
TGIFunny
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Share
Tumblr media
Tweet
Tumblr media
Forward
Tumblr media
Pinterest
Jimmy Mack ​​​ Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Appointments | FAQs View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 min www.jimmymackhealing.com Free Resources: Learn MLF for FREE | Videos on YouTube | Radio Show Archives Advanced Training: Masterclasses | Mastery and Practitioner Certification Clearing Audio Downloads​ and eBooks http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com ©1996-2024 All Rights Reserved.  
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com
0 notes
advancedthetapractitioner · 7 months ago
Text
TGIWednesday: I don't know why
Tumblr media
TGIWednesday News
I believe often life is just us following the breadcrumbs through the magical forest.  We never know what's going to happen next and often asking 'why?' will just keep you curled up on the couch 🛋️ and living in a loop. ➰ I have shoes scattered everywhere and the other morning found thick black Skechers style shoes under the couch that I hadn't worn in a while.  I slipped them on and went outside to feed the outside cats 🐈birds 🐦 squirrels 🐿️ and other magical forest creatures that are sometimes waiting on me. Walking back in a more dense area by my fence I felt something that felt as if I had stepped on a rock and as I continued to walk, it was still stuck to the bottom of my shoe.  I stopped to check it out and it was a long, rusty roofing nail that went right through the bottom of my shoe 👟!  If I had been wearing my regular shoes or flip flops 🩴 I'd be heading to the doctors for a tetanus shot!  What led me to put those shoes on?  Magical fairies🧚, angels, guides, loved ones in spirit?  Regardless of who or what it was, I was thankful that a force greater than myself that runs in around and through me and everything in the Universe gave me a little wink of, "We got this!" 
Get on my schedule today and let's make some magic together! View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins | Appointments
Discount Offer Ends at Midnight 
ENDING TONIGHT  Buy ANY MyBeliefWorks Audio and get the Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE!  
Tumblr media
Claim this Cosmic Currency Clearings MP3 FREE BONUS with any MBWorks order - a $25 value 
Also, last chance to get Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point Audio Processes at the Intro price of $49 
It's all about raising your consciousness to higher levels so you can rise above all the turbulence and the noise and the general BS that we all seem to be going through - it's been dicey at best so use this MP3 to level things out!
Tumblr media
"Hey Jimmy, this product is outstanding, the best !!!. This healing is absolutely amazing. thank you so much for your love and caring for humanity and all life. Thanks, much love to you." - Steve T. "Thanks, as always! I've listened to the Restore Point MP3 and Cosmic Currency bonus a couple of times now, and really do feel it's steering me in the right direction, especially regarding my general outlook on things and emotional mindset."  - T. Diaz Read more here >>
Last chance, just $49 USD
TGIWednesday Video Download
Tumblr media
 ~ CLEARING THE MIND CHATTER ~
I believe, think, know and feel that in the silence I remain open and receptive to what is best for me.  I am ready, willing and able to delete out all the mind chatter and recognize that I am in the flow of life.  I know when, where, how and why to remain still enough, for long enough, to quiet my mind and to be in allowance and acceptance of the greater good.  I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  Making daily progress will allow the rest of your life to be the best of your life!
▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔
LIVE  Zoom Event Tomorrow!
Tumblr media
For the remainder of 2024, each month we will focus on the theme of Clearing the 7 Well-Springs of Life during our monthly Zoom event.  Body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships, Health, Money, Work/Job/Career/Purpose
THURSDAY JUNE 27, 2024 4:00pm ET  |  1:00pm PT  | 10:00pm UK Pre-registration is $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7-wellsprings-mind-clearings
Call #2 Theme:  Mind Clearings: Past/Present/Future
1) Past
I am releasing ________from my past
[would of, could of, should of, regrets, judgments, sadness, sorrow, loss of a loved one or pet. obsessive thoughts about how I would have done this or said that. Any and all things from the past that still tend to haunt me!
current overshadowing that is still with me from my past education, religion, politics or societal norms]
2) Present
I am now releasing________from my current/present. 
[overthinking about how to make it through today. Sadness and sorrow about the world we live in, any issues with finances, debt, family, children/grandchildren, work job/career/ relatives and relationships any and all mental illness, OCD, ADD, ADHD, addictions Rx meds etc]
3) Future
Please release from my mind______
[overthinking about money and outliving what I have. Catastrophic health issues, things that keep me up at night, wars, the dark parade of the unimaginable, aging and hauntings/dark energies. And any other worry that comes into your awareness about the future]   
SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, submit your top 3 words/statements in the format above by Wed. the 26th to [email protected] 
Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)
Register Here - $22
Come See Me in Tampa Office
Tumblr media
SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS  
Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions in Tampa. The next opportunity to book a session there is:
FRIDAY JULY 19TH | 10-4pm 
Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $45 or 30-minutes $75. If you’re new to working with him, we suggest you schedule 30 minutes.
403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy
http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com
Fish Food 
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!
Tumblr media
JUNE 26TH  "Today I will appreciate messengers from spirit. I will recognize the birds of spirit and all signs that are unusual, and helpful, and different in what shows up in our lives. I will acknowledge the love that spirit relays to me through signs that represent the mystical."  
FREE Live Appearances
Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.
https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/
**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**
From the Fish Box
MY DAILY PRAYER TESTIMONIAL
Tumblr media
  Hi Jimmy, Thank you for the great sessions. This was the real deal. I really felt comfortable and felt that my aura was cleared and felt the positive results.  I really liked it and I also have recommended your great services to close friends and relatives. It's a real blessing to be healed by Jimmy and I will be booking another session soon and will be practicing his teachings. I felt the progress in busines, in health, felt that positive energy flow, this is all so amazing. I'm happy to have purchased Jimmy's products and thank God for such a great opportunity! Looking forward to more sessions and support from Jimmy!" - Best Regards, Z
The Fish Market
Tumblr media
Our online shop is getting a makeover! Get a preview now as you look over the 40+ audio titles in our MyBeliefWorks Audio Collections. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s)  We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better and we are ALWAYS working on the next one. Don’t forget… you can share these with your immediate friends and family. 🏆 Best Sellers
💸 The Prosperity Collection  🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection 
Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy
Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you. Looking for a new job?  Going through a court proceeding? Upcoming surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  Need help selling or buying a property? Troubled times in your relationship? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program.
30 Days of Daily Prayer (single month) - $99/month This $99 service is for ONE SINGLE MONTH of 30 DAYS ONLY.  👉Click here After the 30 days, you will receive an email from Jimmy and have the opportunity to renew for an additional month plus update your list, but you are under no obligation.
You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.
**NOTE: Most clients save money and choose the auto-renew option listed below so they do not miss a single day of prayers PLUS they take advantage of the cummulative effects of this service over time. Monthly subscription - $95/month on auto-renew 
👉 PayPal for subscription Click here 
👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here. 
*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.
---------------------------------
Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy?  If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 mins  
​Visit our ​O​nline ​Training Center "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu
Tumblr media
All are welcome to CREATE A FREE ACCOUNT to access the NEW and IMPROVED My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple Basic Training Course. Anchors Away Masterclass:  Sustain and clear and sovereign energetic field of dark energies and anomalies. Life Force Energy Masterclass: Enhance your fishing practice by approaching from a deeper, numeric level. MLF Mastery & Advanced Practitioner Certification Courses
Visit now, Click Here!
TGIFunny
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Share
Tumblr media
Tweet
Tumblr media
Forward
Tumblr media
Pinterest
Jimmy Mack ​​​ Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Appointments | FAQs View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins  | 30 mins  | 60 min www.jimmymackhealing.com Free Resources: Learn MLF for FREE | Videos on YouTube | Radio Show Archives Advanced Training: Masterclasses | Mastery and Practitioner Certification Clearing Audio Downloads​ and eBooks http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com ©1996-2024 All Rights Reserved.  
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com
0 notes
paramorearchived · 10 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
April 5, 2010
Transcript:
Morning world!
 Hey guys, it's been a ridiculous amount of time since I've popped in here. The tumblr journal is going well... and I've found it really easy to update with pictures and mp3's and all the random stuff I'm not computer savvy enough to post here on LJ. Anyways, what am I using capitalization for? 
so... the weather has been nuts here in franklin. in a week, i've seen just about all my friends and partied hard (if coca-cola and buttloads of ice cream really qualify for a party). i've been to a freaking wedding! (unbelievable!) and actually cleaned out miss anne's interior (miss anne is my car, ya big perv). it's been nuts. non stop. i've even been writing a lot. and now, i think i need to slow myself down. any time we're off tour, my time is divided between two things: 1) go nuts and eat everything and don't take care of myself cause i don't have to work. 2) recoup from being nuts. start eating healthy again, get sleep, don't talk as much... boring stuff. if i wasn't hoarse, i wouldn't be starting part 2 for at least another 3 or 4 days. but i had sweet cece's frozen yogurt 5 times in the past 4 days and talked until i can't talk anymore and i think it's time to grow up just a smidgen. the word smidgen is cringe-worthy. had to. 
you know when you leave a hair band on your wrist and when you take it off it hurts? 
so, keep an eye out for a couple pics from the wedding. (i didn't take many, mostly cause i forgot. wompwomp). some pics from my time at home... and as soon as we start rehearsal... which i think is like a week from now... i'm going to post a "menu" of our new merch items. all of this will be on the tumblr blog so i can easily organize all the attachments. the new merch is awesome. we're pulling designs from many of our friends and quite honestly, it's the best and most cohesive line of merch we've had in a long time. i'm proud of it, for sure. 
and while i'm getting started about this next tour. let's discuss.  i'm pretty sure you've heard of Relient K. (if you haven't, don't tell anyone and run - don't walk - to their myspace). those dudes are awesome. and i am a long time fan of their records. i remember someone giving me "Two Lefts Don't Make A Right... But Three Do". and singing songs about chapped lips and chapped stick on my way home from school. 
and opening the shows for the tour is a band called fun. their name couldn't be a better summary of what you are going to experience when they take the stage. their debut record "aim & ignite" is just ridiculously good. if you like incredible vocals and creative arrangements... or the sound of gods making love... then you will like them. 
good music happening this year. everywhere! and a lot of good music on tour with us. we're a very very lucky band to have so many talented friends to share the stage with. i noticed a post on the LJ community asking for new music suggestions and a lot of you suggested some seriously good music. it feels like we're all growing up together and discovering (or re-discovering) a lot of music that maybe we wouldn't have been into 5 years ago when all of this started. so i got to thinking... how could we discover more music together? apparently, at old hardcore and punk shows, there would be a bucket at the door where kids could drop mix tapes in and take one out. it was a way to pass music along cheaply and easily. not to mention, a great way to strengthen your scene. think about all the local bands in your town that you want people to hear or your favorite song that you always always have to put on all your mix cd's. would you guys want to do this at our shows? i figure, the next tour is super short. all of 14 shows. it would be an amazing way to test run this whole thing. i've talked to fueledbyadam and johnny minardi about it before but it's been a good year since that conversation happened. i wanted to bring it back to you guys and figure out if you're into it or not. 
here's how it might work: we'd put a box or bucket at the merch table with Aaron Holmes (merch man of the stars)... and you'd bring either a tape, a CD, or a USB/memory stick thingy, with all your favorite songs on it. let's say about 10 songs, to keep it simple. you drop one in at the beginning of the night... and if you wish to, at the end of the night you take one out on your way out the door. i think it could be awesome. maybe we'll even put our own mixes in the box every now and then. the point is to share music that YOU love. we don't get enough PHYSICAL swapping of music anymore. it's always online. "here's a link to this" or... "go to their myspace"... and now maybe we have a chance to relive something that we almost missed! 
let me know your thoughts in the comments. 
i'm also going to start doing band bio things on my tumblr for all the bands that come out on tour with us. so that people start getting a better idea of who they're seeing on stage. ooh! i could even try to get interviews with those bands and post em up. so many possibilities. here we go.
can't wait to see you guys in a couple weeks :)  hayley
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glitterge1pen · 4 years ago
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Have You Ever Considered Craft Supplies Instead Of Drugs? Then This Might Be For You.
Kyōtani Kentarou x reader, sfw, fluff, 1,691word count 
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His room for the most part was clean. It’s main function was for sleep though. This was apparent. His clothes, which were mainly basketball shorts and blank t-shirts, were scattered about in a way that told you he threw them there when going to bed.
Kyotani had told you to give him a few minutes, while he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and struggling with the cap of his eyeliner pen. You felt comfortable enough in his apartment to check the fridge and see if anything was worth your while. But still you felt a bit like an intruder in his bedroom, which is where you had wandered off to.
The walls were white, mostly bare. There was a poster up for some band you didn't recognize, and another one advertising the Sendai Frogs that looked like he had ripped it off one wall to get onto his. You smiled at the thought of him stealing the poster from the grocery store display window or stadium parking lot.
You give his room one last once over before turning to leave. On your way out you trip over a shoe box. You would have just ignored it but a few tufts of paper flew out from the lid. You bend down to collect them but find that these aren't just trash from the shoe box. Quietly, and with a tinge of guilt, you kneel down to gently put the papers back in the box. The little scraps of paper you had found were actually sticky notes, you couldn't decipher the writing on them because of how faded and old the paper was.
You get one quick glimpse inside the shoe box on Kyotani’s floor. There are dozens of papers, printed photos, receipts, tickets, and what you assume are old keys. You feel like you've seen something very private of Kyotani’s and when you turn around to find him standing in the doorway, you gasp in shock.
“What are you doing in here?”
He seems more concerned and confused about you versus the fact that you are in his room. You decide sarcasm is the best choice of action.
“What? You embarrassed about me being in your bedroom?”
“Shut up and get out!”
Kyotani puts his hands on your shoulders and tosses you out into the hallway.
“Hey, hey, what time is it because we might actually be late to the movie now,”
You say pulling out your phone to get a glance at the clock. There was only twenty minutes before you were supposed to be at the theater.
“We’ll be fine, the trailers always play for too long anyways”
He says leading you out the front door.
☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
When the team wins a game and you head out to eat with the guys afterwards, your eyes don't usually follow Kyotani’s hands so closely. You hope that no one else has picked up on your new habit. But last week's venture into his bedroom has left you reeling in thought.
Kyotani doesn't really like to be hugged. During movie nights he sits separate from the pile of pillows and bodies. He tolerates head pats and high fives. When he hangs up the phone you can feel how difficult it is for him to say something like “bye I love you” platonic or not.
You hadn't really considered it before, at least not so intently in relation to Kyotani. Most people were easy to understand in their affections and how they garnered it. Or if they weren't so obvious, they made some sort of distinction, a simple “I don't like when people do this” or “I prefer this”.
Being friends with Kyotani you had assumed that he was content with what people gave him because he never asked for more. He didn't hug you when you two parted ways, and you never forced him to. He didn't ask or push on others boundaries but now after seeing that shoe box you wondered why he had never advocated for his own. You thought perhaps it wasnt that Kyotani disliked those other forms of affection or care, but rather he didn't regard those other acts as affections at all.
The sounds of the restaurant fade back in as your thoughts simmer down. You feel Tsukishima and Yamaguchi next to you. Enthralled in a conversation about some show they had been binging together. Apparently Yamaguchi had watched a few episodes without Tsukishima and everyone found the annoyed, bitter expression on Tsukishima hilarious, the table erupting in laughter.
“You good? You've been staring at nothing for five minutes,”
Kyotani said to you before taking another bite into his food. He sat across from you, his elbows propping him up over his plate of food.
“Yeah, just tired today,”
You say shaking your head as if trying to wake yourself up.
As the evening wears on, your eyes still follow Kyotani’s hands. Trying to catch the moment of thievery in action. To see if your contemplations are grounded in Kyotani’s actions or rather thoughts with nothing to hold as they pass you by.
But as everyone files out of the restaurant, the bill already split, the copy of the receipt abandoned on the table, you watch as Kyotani lingers for just a moment, to pocket the slip of paper.
☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
You couldn't remember the last time you had attempted to burn a CD. Was it you who did it or a friend? It was years ago though that was for sure. You had made three playlists on spotify, checking and double checking that they were private playlists. After arranging them and finding the songs that fit just right with each list you started finding youtube videos of each song. From there you converted the links to MP3 audio.
While your computer whirred and the audio filed loaded onto the disk you thought about decorating the CD cases. Of course covering the clear plastic case with glitter gel pen and cute stickers was very tempting. But you weren't sure that was Kyotani’s style. At the same time this was supposed to be a gift from you. You met yourself halfway.  Decorating one CD case like how you would have wanted, and the other with more of a Kyotani flair, the third somewhere in between the two.
When the CD’s were done you carefully placed them into their new plastic homes. Grabbing a black sharpie to scribble the playlist names onto each. You felt like wrapping them would be too extravagant so you settled for tying a ribbon around the two.
☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
“What the hell do you want?” Kyotani says as he pulls up next to you on the curb outside your place. You had texted him earlier while he was at work, asking if could stop by after he got off. He has the window rolled down and you take it upon yourself to unlock the passenger door and climb inside.
"I wanted you to test these out"
You were hoping that you had done everything right with the computer.You hand him the CD's, he flips them over in his hands inspecting them.
“Is it cool if I take these ribbons off?”
You nod and he turns the car radio on to insert the CD’s. As the first song starts playing you turn to him.
“This is that band you like right? The one on that poster in your room?”
Kyotani is visibly flustered by this.
“Yes? Did you...did you make these for me?”
You throw your head back in a laugh.
“Yes, I made them for you,”
“Oh,”
He says in a rather soft amazed tone.
“Look, I didn't mean to, but when I was in your room the other day I tripped over that shoe box you have,”
You keep your eyes trained on the street outside the dashboard window. Unsure and a bit nervous to see what Kyotani is thinking. Tempted by curiosity though, you do look at him for a brief moment, only to find him also intensely staring off into the street. His face lit up red with embarrassment.
“I’m glad that I saw it though. Because that stuff is important to you and I want to know what you think is important”
The air in the car feels like it is clinging to your skin with tension. You think the pressure will start to crack your bones when Kyotani’s voice splinters the suspense.
“It's easier to feel something when its tangible, when you can hold it, it's why people still buy polaroids and go to museums and shit”
You nod, a jovial ease overcoming you as he continues to speak.
“I don't really like, uh, I guess physical affection or even talking or it’s not like talking, people call it words of affirmation or whatever,”
You hold the smile of your lips down, you don't want him to think you’re teasing him in this moment. You're just happy that he is comfortable enough with you to say such things.
“I know lots of other people like to have those types of things though, and I worked really hard to get used to stuff, but I don't know, this is what I like,”
He says gesturing with the CD case to you.
“I mean so like, birthday cards, post-it notes, bus transfers? Things that are directly attached to memories and people? Anything else you want me to know about?”
While it hurts a little that he’s struggling to talk about this matter, you can't help but revel in the unusual brash shyness of Kyotani. He does mutter something, but when you lean in closer to signal that you didn't hear him the first time he repeats himself.
“Event pamphlets. I know it's trash but I like it”
“Promise you won't get mad?”
You drawl your voice out and make it sweet so he knows you're messing with him.
“Hm?”
He says, eyebrow quirked in question.
“I think you'd be really into scrapbooking”
“Shut the hell up before I kick you out of my car”
☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
A/N: Took a break from my current writing obsession to spit this out .
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markosmate · 3 years ago
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(( don't care if you post or not )) matchup please, preferably between the boys, but it doesn't matter. have fun with it <3 I have a bad time describing myself, so I just decided to add some photos of myself. I also added a piece of my art, since I also mention it and it helps give some insight. My name is Acid/Gore or Ace, I go by he/they/it/xe(transgender ftm). I'm a gay(don't really like labels, but yeah) dude who likes to draw and write. I'm an aries, March 31st to be exact. I tend to draw a lot, so I draw anyone who lets me. I don't always show them though, especially if I don't like the piece. I can be a bookworm, it's honestly an on and off thing. I tend to ramble, especially on topics I like. I have Anxiety, MDD, and PTSD. I like dying my hair, like one week I bleach it, the next its red, and then bleached again, and then blue. You never know with me to be honest. I hyperfixate on a lot of things. My room is either very messy or very clean, no in between. I'm either very loud or very quiet, once again no in between lol. Monster and coffee addict, literally have so many monster cans I collect. I have to have some sort of way to listen to music on me, whether its a phone or an mp3. I like to sing sometimes, but not really at the same time? Social anxiety is a thing, but I know what to do when it gets bad. I normally go into a more non-crowded place and calm myself down. Motorcycles are my favorite thing to ride. I'm a really creative person, even if I can't do a project at that moment. I'm more of a snacker than I am a meal-eater, so I snack all day and eat at dinner time. Although I do have days where I don't want to eat at all, so I need someone there to help and make sure I atleast eat something. I listen to almost any type of music, minus country. I listen to a lot of rock like KoRn and/or Guns n' Roses. I throw on whatever, but I have more of a dark style. Normally either black, dark grey, grey, light grey, or like one white thing I'm wearing. I'm 5'0. I wear platforms a lot though, chokers and chains as well. I'm kinda of an aggressive person, dirty jokes are a must. Smoking doesn't bother me, nor does drinking. I'm poly, so it really don't matter. This honestly may be biased, but I feel like I could go with any of the boys.
EEEEE my first match-up i’m really really excited!!!
Okay so first of all, I had a very hard time deciding which boy to go with because like you said, I do think you’d go well with any of them. I had such a hard time deciding that in the end I decided to go with two of them because you did mention you were also poly.
So for the first boy, this one was blatantly obvious to me, I chose Paul. You mentioned being a total coffee and monster addict so you’d fit so well with him because he’s just a giant ball of energy. Y’all would honestly probably have contests to see who could chug monsters faster. You don’t mind smoking - which is good, because Paul is high out of his mind almost 24/7.
Dirty jokes you say? Paul is the king of them. Everything in life can be solved with some dirty humor according to this boy. Y’all could go back and forth for hours with the humorous banter.
Now the second boy is where I had a bit more trouble because I was honestly torn between David and Marko. I headcanon both as aggressive and territorial people which always fit so well with an Aries’ personality.
However, upon further reading into your description I went with Marko. You mentioned loving to draw and dying your hair every other week and Marko is the most artistic of all the boys.
Y’all could sit for hours just drawing anyone and everyone and he would definitely be down to help you dye your hair all different kinds of wacky colors and styles. You’re both either very quiet or very loud - absolutely no in between and I feel like he would really appreciate your love for music and always needing to have something on your person that allows you to listen freely.
He’s also another residential dirty joker of the group so all three of you could literally have contests of who could come up with the dirtiest one of the entire night.
Overall, I think you’d go extremely well with either (or both😼) of these vampires because you are quite literally the exact same as them (just shorter xD)
I hope you enjoyed and that this fits your taste and what you had in mind!! This is my first match-up so I apologize if I didn’t do something right :(
- 🧚🏻
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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years ago
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Gateway Drug | Part Ninety
Words: 4k
Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of violence, mentions of drug abuse
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"Hey, Viv, it's Tansy...I got your flowers and was calling to let you know I'm getting out of the hospital today, and I'm heading to the same place the guys are at, Nikki said it doesn't suck as bad as the other places they've tested out, um…" Tansy's sweet voice sounds over my answering machine. "...I'm really sorry for not calling earlier. I'm just now getting off methadone, so I've kicked smack successfully. I just wanted you to know I'm doing okay and getting some help, and Nikki called and told me you two were working things out." She adds. "Come visit me, soon, okay? We have a lot of shit to talk through, and I know we do, I just don't know where to start but I love you. I'll see you later." 
She hangs up and I smile a little bit, rubbing my lips together.
I haven't heard anything on her since Steven told me she was in the hospital back in New York after her overdose not long after Nikki's. I sent flowers when he told me she had to undergo emergency surgery to cut a part of her liver out that was turning necrotic. 
I hope we can get through things like me and Nikki are trying to do, I think Amber's going to try to bring Vince and Tommy in to talk about our relationships as a whole the session after this next one Nikki and I have...maybe Tansy and I can sit down a few times and hash things out, too. 
I head to get a bath, but it's not long before my peace is soon disturbed. 
This is the fifth time the phone has rung in the past two minutes, and I roll my eyes and pull myself out of the bathtub, grabbing my towel and stepping to the living room. 
I already see my message machine blinking from unheard voice-mails, and I pick the phone up and answer it. 
Before I can even say, "hello," Sharise starts in. 
"Vivian, what is going on, why didn't you say anything about it, why--"
"Sharise, slow down," I'm bombarded with a million questions, paranoia making my chest tighten. 
"Vivian, you're pregnant, apparently, that's what's going on." She clarifies, and I feel the color drain from my face. 
"Did Vince hear that from Nikki and tell you or--"
"--You're actually pregnant?!"
"You didn't hear it from Vince?" 
"No, Vivian, it's all over MTV!" She says next, not sounding angry at me, just shocked. 
"What?!" 
Just as soon as she says it, there's a sharp beep from the phone, indicating someone's trying to call. 
"Gimme a second and I'll call you back." I assure her. 
"Fuck that, I'm coming over." She tells me before hanging up and I take the next call while turning the TV on to MTV. 
I just see a picture of Nikki and I on the screen as I hear, "again, congratulations to Nikki and Vivian Sixx on the news of their…"
"Hello?" I answer the call that has interrupted Sharise and I. 
"Why the fuck is Page Six running a story about you being knocked up with Duff fucking McKagan's kid?!" Doc yells and I nearly fall out, starting to panic.
"Because I am, but I have no idea how the hell anybody other than Nikki and Duff know about it, Doc, I haven't even told any of my friends or family yet, I swear." I promise and I hear him curse and throw stuff around on the other end for a good two minutes before calmly saying, "this isn't good, Viv." 
"No, shit, Sherlock." I reply. 
"I'm going to talk to Sixx, you just stay at home--don't do anything irrational, we'll take care of this." He states, hanging up. 
My phone is ringing again as soon as he hangs up. 
My phone starts ringing off the hook within three minutes and I have to step outside to the back yard with Whisky to get away from it.
I'm sitting on the edge of the pool when Sharise gets here, this look of disbelief on her face. 
"I had to drop Sky by my mom's, what the hell, Viv?" She asks me, sitting beside me. 
"I was gonna tell you and everybody once I got past the first trimester, Sharise, I promise." I say, honestly. 
"I'm not mad that you didn't, I'm just...I didn't realize you and Nikki were sleeping together again." 
"We're not." I state. "And Doc said that Page Six already knows it's Duff's and has it plastered everywhere so somebody said something to somebody." 
"Duff?! Holy shit, Vivian." She breathes out, her eyes wide. 
"This is bad." I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing my face. "This is so, so bad, Sharise." 
"What're you gonna do?" She asks me. "I mean...when did you two even start…you know?" 
"September." I tell her. 
"Are you gonna admit it's Duff's or just play it off as Nikki's publicly and then privately it's gonna know Duff is really it's dad or does he even want anything to do with it?" 
"Yeah, he does, and Nikki's managing." I inform her, and she nods slowly. "It's nobody's business. It's not. So I shouldn't have to explain myself to anybody but I know everybody will want an explanation and we'll just admit it's Duff's and ignore the bullshit people are gonna throw at us...I just don't want to lose any friends over this…"
"If you lose friends over this, they're not your real friends, because everybody you're close with knows exactly what kind of marriage you and Nikki have been having the past year and you've both been struggling with different things and his affair with Vanity and so I think everybody should be pretty understanding of the situation." She tells me. 
"They should be. Doesn't mean they will." 
"Well, the ones who matter right now will." She reassures me. "And from what I've been gathering the last six months, that doesn't include Tommy and Vince right now because I already know they're probably gonna be on Nikki's side completely." 
"Yeah, so will all of the fans." I mumble. 
"Well, if you're gonna confirm it's Duff's, is he gonna come out and say that he actually did have an affair with Vanity or are you just gonna be the sacrificial lamb in all this?" 
"I have no idea, Sharise." I admit.
"I think he should." She states. "Because it's not gonna be fair for people to think you just went to another man and 'cheated' on Nikki out of nowhere." 
"It doesn't matter what Nikki says about the Vanity thing, he's just gonna be a God and I'm gonna be a whore." I argue, sighing out. 
"You really think that?" 
"I know that." I state, matter of fact. 
And, boy, was I right.
"Did you two talk about the relationship you have with your mother?" Amber asks Nikki. 
"I haven't had time to because we've been dealing with a lot of shit right now." He states. 
"Okay," she nods in understanding, because there's no way she hasn't heard what we're dealing with, now. "Do you want to talk about it now, then?" She asks. 
"Yeah, I can." He agrees. 
"Okay, go ahead." She leans back, letting him have the chance to talk to me.
He just stares at me, sighing out, looking as if he's struggling with talking to me about it. 
"Nikki, if you don't tell her, she can't understand." She adds and he rubs the back of his neck, looking at her to help him a little bit. 
"Start with dad," she suggests. 
"He left when I was little." He says to me. 
"And mom…" 
"...And mom started spiraling when he left." He explains. "She and whatever boyfriend she'd have at the time, would drop me off with Nona and Tom for months at a time, then when she'd come get me she'd be with a different man--sometimes married to them." He continues. "And, me being the smartass I am, when I get old enough to want to voice my opinion, I'd bump heads a lot with some of the dudes she brought around and things would get physical." He says next. "But, of course, she wouldn't feel like dealing with it because I was always ruining her partying anyway, so she'd send me off, again…things got really messy when I was, like, thirteen. Me and her got into it pretty bad and she started in on me and I told her I just wanted her to fuck off--I was just tired of it, so I hurt myself and called the cops and told them she attacked me, and she was arrested and I was sent back to Idaho to be with my grandparents." His voice shakes a little and I feel my heart hurt in my chest. 
I remember Nona telling me he and his mom had a lot of issues with each other, but I didn't think it was to that extent. 
"Have you talked to your dad at all?" I ask him, furrowing my brows a little and he rubs his chin, shaking his head a little. 
"I tried, like, ten years ago, and he told me he didn't have a son." He states. "Mom's always said I ran him off, but I was only two, so I know that's bullshit." He adds. 
"When I talked to you about all of this, it was very clear that you felt discarded, inadequate, and abandoned, because you have spent a good part of your childhood yearning for your mother's approval." Amber says. "Do you think that's true?" 
"Yeah." He nods. 
"Jumping through hoops at times to get it, but still being ditched with your grandparents while she went on and pretended she didn't have a little boy she needed to be responsible for."
He agrees, again, and she gives him a smile. 
"A woman is who her mother makes her to be and who her father says she is. A man is who his father makes him to be and who his mother says he is." She tells us. "And you didn't have a father around to make you, and all your mother told you was that you weren't appreciated, you weren't approved of, you weren't worthy of the love and attention you deserved." She states. "And you married a woman whose mother made her to strive for this unattainable level of perfection and have a complete come apart when it can't be reached, and a father who told her she wasn't worth the trouble it took to protect her." She tells us."I want to know--because it is so evident that you two carry so much resentment toward one another--what is one reason--out of many-- that it's there."  
"She's always looked down on me." Nikki says it. 
"Why?" 
"Because I don't live like she does." 
"Explain what that means." 
"She believes in God, I don't. She's spent our relationship sober, I haven't. She's more modest and conservative, I'm not."
"I don't resent you for not believing in a God and not being modest and conservative--those are a few of the things I respect about you, Nikki." I argue. 
"Bullshi--"
"--No, no, no cursing. Take a breath." Amber reassures him, calmly. 
"She hasn't let me do what I want to do. If I do what I want to do, she's on my throat over it or guilt tripping me or attacking me over it." He states. 
"Because all you've wanted to do the past three years is drugs, Nikki." I mumble. 
"Go back to guilt tripping." Amber tells him. "Does she put you on a guilt trip, or are you guilty after you do something you know she would not like for you to do and you beat yourself up for it?" She asks. 
"She just shuts down." 
"She shuts down?" 
She looks at me. 
"Why do you shut down when he does something you don't like?" 
"Because it's always drugs or something mean he does when he's on drugs, and I don't want to be around it, but most times I can't get away from it so I just go somewhere else, mentally." I admit. 
"And you see when she does that, and it makes you feel bad." Amber says to him. 
"Yeah." 
"That's not guilt tripping you, Nikki, that's her protecting herself because you won't." She points out. "Vivian, what's one of the reasons you carry resentment for him?"
"I'm not a priority." I tell her. 
"The amount of money I've spent on you since we got together, and you're not a priority?!" He asks me, pissed and shocked I have the audacity to say that. 
"Buying me a house and a new car and getting me nice things isn't showing me I'm a priority, Nikki, it's just you feeling bad for the shit you've done and buying me things to make yourself feel better for it. I'm grateful that you've made sure I've been taken care of in the sense that I've never gone hungry, I've never been out on the street, I've never had to go without utilities and hot water and things like that, and I've lived a spoiled life in terms of finances and the car I drive and the house we've lived in. You're a great provider--you just…we wouldn't be in this position if you didn't choose drugs over me." I say to him. 
"I haven't." He argues. 
"You blew off our wedding night to go to a party with Tommy." I remind him and Amber raises her brows. "Then you got in that accident on your way back home and hurt your shoulder and started smoking heroin to get through the pain so you could finish the album." I add and he rolls his jaw. "I love everything about you, except your drug abuse. And I've been so angry because there is no line with you. You just keep getting worse and worse and then turn around and convince yourself that I'm ungrateful and I don't approve of who you are because I'm perpetually bitter about the marriage I've been in--and it's all my fault in your eyes. Everything bad that's happened is all my fault." 
"I don't think that, I just put blame on you where it's due, you just refuse to see that you're a problem in all of this, too." He explains. 
"If you weren't on smack, we wouldn't have problems, Nikki." 
"Vivian." He says it as if saying, "you know that's bullshit." 
"What?" 
"The amount of times me or somebody would tell you to take your medication and you'd blow us off and just let yourself get more--"
"--You can't compare depression to drug addiction. Depression didn't turn me into a completely different person. You shot me, Nikki. You shot me. And that still didn't make you realize you needed to get sober." 
"You've physically assaulted me and other people, Vivian, in a frenzy, and still didn't see the issue with your mental state." 
"You've put your hands on me before, too, so don't make me sound like--"
"--I've grabbed you a few times and that's been when you were trying to beat me. So don't start that shit." He snaps. "The times I physically hurt you, I was doped up and wasn't thinking straight. The times you've physically hurt me and other people, you were sober, you just weren't taking your medicine. So you can keep saying that I chose drugs over you, but the amount of times you've chosen your pride and, 'I don't need to be on medicine,' over me is just as bad." He says. "If you weren't so damn angry all the time over tiny shit."
"No, no, it's not just her being angry over tiny things. It's you getting with a seventeen year old girl, and placing the responsibilities of a forty-one year old mother on her." She adds and he breathes out. "Your wife has been raising you the past seven years. She's your wife. She's not your mama. And you have been punishing her like she is. Her not wanting you to destroy yourself with drugs doesn't equate to the times your mother wouldn't let you dress the way you wanted to dress, or do the artistically productive things you wanted to do that she couldn't understand that you'd fight about. This woman was seventeen years old. You had no business being twenty-two and seeing a seventeen year old, let alone putting that much weight and expectation on her shoulders and getting angry and saying she didn't appreciate you because she didn't know how to handle it all while every year you'd push further and further." She goes on. "Years of anger and resentment and bitterness towards your mother, all turned loose on a girl who didn't cause any of it, just because she didn't want you running yourself into a grave." She adds, pointedly. "When me and you first started working together to get to the bottom of all of this, you told me that she went from worshipping the ground you walked on, to being an evil demon from hell--do you remember saying that?" 
He hesitantly replies, quietly, "yes." 
"Do you realize that you have done everything in your power to verbally, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually beat the hell out of the very girl who saw you as her God before she was even old enough to really know who God was?" She asks him. "All because the woman who made you feel like you weren't worth the trouble it took to stay around and raise you, was never there to answer for her actions so you started chopping at the next one in line."
"Okay, I get it, I'm fucked up, I fucked her up, I've ruined our marriage, it's all my fault, and she's the innocent angel who was seduced by me and dragged to hell, I get." He stands up. 
"Nikki," Amber starts. 
"Nikki," I say as he steps to the door, "we can't fix this if you--"
"--Yeah, fix this." He flicks me off before slamming the door. 
I grind my teeth and stomp after him, ignoring Amber's warning against it. 
"You are such an asshole!" I bark at him, following him. 
"Wow, I've never heard that one before!" He laughs humorlessly. 
"Nikki, seriously, she got all over me for being mad at you for sleeping with two-hundred girls, you can take her pointing out that you hate me because I remind you--"
"--I don't hate you, Vivian, alright?" He stops, turning to face me. 
"Well, you're really acting like it." I cross my arms. 
"I don't. I'm just pissed that you refuse to accept that I'm not the only problem in this shit show and if you wanna work on us you need to realize that you'r--"
"--Baby," I breathe out, grabbing at his hand and he rubs his forehead, "I know it's my fault, too, but it's just…" I blink back tears, looking away from him. 
"...Just what?" He asks. 
"Embarrassing." I wipe my eyes, sniffling. "It's embarrassing having to sit there, pregnant with another dude's baby, and tell a stranger about how I've abused my husband and people around me." 
"You think it's not embarrassing for me to sort through shooting you and strangling you and still not walking away from drugs?" He asks. "Don't even get me started on having to tell you I've cheated that many fucking times and even had a mistress?" He adds…"I think I've embarrassed myself, and you, more than you've embarrassed yourself and me." 
"I'm pregnant. And it's gone public. And it's not yours. And it's gone public. I think I've won with which one of us has embarrassed the other the most." I mumble. 
"Well, I'm not embarrassed. Those people don't know shit." He tells me, furrowing his brows. 
"I am." I say, trying not to cry again. 
I'm taken back a little when he hugs me, tightly…"Why didn't you tell me about your mom?" I him, my face in his chest, tears rolling down my cheeks. 
"Because I didn't want to bother you with it." He says. 
"I wouldn't have been bothered by it, Nikki." I sniffle, looking up at him. 
He blinks a couple times and breathes out. 
"There's a basket on the closet shelf at home with several of my journals in it." He explains. "Filled with things I didn't want to bother you with." He adds. "I really think if you feel too embarrassed or ashamed, reading those will prove my point that I've been worse than you have." He admits. 
"I'm pregnant--"
"--I know you are." He grabs the sides of my face, looking me in the eyes. "Just read them if you want to, but I say a lot of shit in there I wrote when I was high, so there's your warning." He adds. 
"Are you sure you want me to read them?" I ask. 
"Yeah." 
***I wish he would've said, "no," because I screwed myself over while reading them.***
NIKKI 
I turned into a senseless moron the second she got ahold of my hand, looked at me with watery, pretty eyes, and said, "baby." 
I would've let a train hit me if I knew it would've made her feel less embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't think reading my journals would've made her feel better--just help her gain an understanding that she's the smart one out of the two of us…
If this was one year ago, I'd have her face down on a mattress, making up for our argument. 
But obviously that isn't much of a solution...so I just pull away and smile with my teeth at her the best I can, feeling better when her thumbs graze over my dimples and she smiles, too. 
"I'm sorry I was rude in there." She tells me, next. 
"I'm sorry for being an asshole." I reply, honestly…
"Do you really think I look down on you because you don't believe the same things I do?" 
"Sometimes, I guess." I admit to her. 
"I don't." She tells me. "I never really have." She adds. "I just don't like when you make fun of it or mock it." 
"...Yeah, 'Wild Side' was kinda a dick move…" I tell her and she looks at me. 
"A catchy dick move." She says. "And I like the song, I just wish you wouldn't have made it simply to spite me for the most part." 
"I'll try not to use my powers for evil against you again." I assure her…"But you gotta quit using sex to try to get out of stuff, and I will, too." I say next. "This shit's so hard because we don't talk about stuff, and we never have, and it's just better to go ahead and embarrass ourselves and talk about it instead of trying to fix it with something we can obviously go get from other people--and have gone and gotten from other people."
"And we can't blow up on each other when we do try to talk and work things out." She adds. "So no screaming at each other." 
"And no hitting." I say. 
"Ever." She agrees.
I hold my pinkie out to her and she smiles softly, taking it with hers before I kiss her cheek and pull her to me again.
I didn't know, a week from then, I'd be screaming up a storm from learning about seven fucking miscarriages from '83 to '87 that she didn't tell me about.
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