#nothing you could stop if you tried
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ur highschool bully gojo was chefs kiss 💋 what do u think about them going to the same college and taking the same classes?? and the reader sitting next/talking to some other guy and satoru gets jealous?? arwahhhshdhshshs so many possibilities, i hope u continue writing it!!
hi nonnie !! thank you so much :) this is ur official part 2 ! i was struggling to think up some possibilities but this helped a lot :oo | read part 1 here ! -> cw: swearing, jealousy, i let it get fic length oops
(former) highschoolbully!gojo on the brain again… like. when you end up seeing him again however many months later, and you can tell that he’s changed. it’s not like its immediately obvious to anyone who doesn’t really know him like you (used to); but he’s a little softer-spoken and his smiles seem nine times more genuine. it’s not a hundred percent; the kind that really lights up his face instead of just barely falling short of his stark blue eyes, but it's something.
of course, you have nothing to base it off of, because when you do inevitably see him again it's the very definition of meet ugly.
college is a new frontier, but its also a clean slate. its your first time going into something so new without your old bestfriend at your side, but some faint flickering thought reminds you that it might be better that way. but the universe is against you from the very first day, when youre gettin yourself some coffee from the same chain you did the morning of that fateful presentation so many moons ago. you're too busy thinking to yourself what kind of strange parting ritual it is to relive your trauma to notice the lanky, white-haired boy who hits his head on the chiming bell over the doorway. people are giggling around you n sighing dreamily but youre too deep in the music pumping through your headphones to notice and your eyes are glued to the class schedule on your phone, trying to ensure you dont get lost on the first day when—
you blink and your ass is flat on the dirty floor of the coffee shop, and the first thing you register is that your stomach is soaked and burning. you'd spilled your coffee. it takes you a moment to realize, but when you do you're pissed. so you quickly get to your feet, trying to reign in what little of your ego you have left to give the offender who bumped into you a piece of your mind as you look up, then..
how unlucky do you have to be?
just like that, satoru's slid himself back into your life, after ramming through its locked gates. you forget that he always forgets the point of keys, both when it comes to his apartment (which you still have the spare key of in case of emergencies), and the door to your heart. to rub salt in the wound, the only thing that's stained with your coffee order are his shoes, which look like they cost three weeks of your old job salary, but it's all over your shirt. of course it is. because why not? make it look like you tripped and fell into a patch of mud on your way to the lecture hall and tack on an unwelcome reunion with your ex-bestfriend.
to you, it's like the cloud of gloom from your highschool youth has resettled over your head like a swarm of gnats on a dreary, hot summer day. the stars always seem to skew and misalign themselves for you. but for satoru, the stars have handed him one of those huge swirly lollipops that you only ever see being paraded about by toddlers. he recovers almost instantly, trading the burn on his feet and the way it sours your expression like he's just squirted pure citric acid into your throat for a pleasant burn of his own on his cheeks. but it's whatever. girls seem to like it when he blushes, for some reason. he won't question it, if it works on the only one he cares about.
he holds his hand out, ready to help you out like the good samaritan he's become— and it's like a real burn to his heart this time when you ignore it and stand up on your own, refusing to look up and meet his pleading gaze. might as well have taken an iron stoker right out of the fire and jabbed him with it. but he's gojo satoru! he won't be defeated by this one mere, maybe very significant reunion. he's got stamina.
so he offers to buy you a new drink, feels his heart sink when you shake your head (can't even spare a little 'no' in his direction), and talks enough for the both of you when you leave the dingy little store make your way down to campus and the lecture building. you clearly don't want to see him, but he ignores that in exchange to notice the way you shiver every so often. the previously searing-hot coffee that stains your shirt turns cold fast, and moisture n wind don't mix well. he wishes he could offer you some of his own warm coffee, no doubt sickeningly sweet, but he has some sensitivity now, apparently. so, in a brash moment, he decides to take his blazer off and drape it over your shoulders instead.
when you cross the threshold between city and campus, you expect him to yank it off your back and be on his merry way. but he keeps walking next to you, so you walk a little faster, and you absolutely loathe the cheeky little grin that curves the corners of his lips up to show a glint of teeth when he effortlessly keeps up. you curse his long legs when you find yourself winded, but at least you can lose him when you get there.
or, that's what you think. once again, your constellations break themselves to rebuild anew for satoru. you're about to call him a stalker when he follows you all the way to your classroom with that smirk that's growing exponentially until— oh, no.
your phone that's been on the schedule up until now desperately scrolls to the roster— and there it is. he's in your class. needless to say, not another word goes between you as you stomp in and take a seat. luckily for you, you've already corresponded with your roommate's brother (who's annoyingly cute, satoru notices) and agreed to sit next to each other. satoru takes the seat right above you and never stops kicking his freakishly long legs against the wood the entire time.
so yeah, it's obvious he's not a saint; he still has that undoable ego and he's cocky as fuck (as you have the misfortune of finding out when he quickly bullies your professor), but there's a certain familiarity in that no matter how ugly it might appear to others. and if you asked (which he really, really hopes you will someday), he doesn't hang around douchebags who use kids' foreheads for ashtrays and treat girls like they're candy from a glittery pez dispenser. and at least he's switched harassment targets. even though he has an overwhelming sense of superiority over others and never has his lips together for more than five seconds, and even though he has this hellish habit of clicking his pen whenever he's not talking (or when someone else is), it seems like he's changed.
and over time, you gradually find yourself warming up to him. the spunkiness that used to get on your nerves ceaselessly becomes an object of endearment, and you don't really mind the way he never seems to stop moving anymore. it's a nice sort of distraction in the lifeless still of the lecture hall, albeit the pen clicking still drives you near insanity. you notice he always does it obnoxiously and quickly when you're talking to your roommate's brother, but you ignore it.
and for satoru? he hates that he can kinda sorta really tell that you're the only one who can read him like he's a damn book, cus you slowly start to soften up in the nostalgia of his presence like cold playdough between warm fingers that tell you he may have finally caught you again after letting you slip the first time. and he notices it. this time, he's determined not to let you be the one that got away again. but youre really giving him a shit time outta it with the way you constantly entertain the guy who always has his breath in your face.
yeah, he's got a cute face that's sunkissed by freckles. yeah, his hair looks like he models for shampoo companies. and fuck, he has a nice voice. but what of it? satoru's the one with the mesmerizing blue irises and the cloudy white hair your professor wishes he had instead of sad little wisps of old age. still, as chilly days turn into frigid weeks, he gets the perfect backseat angle of the growing relationship between the two of you. the boy's kinda dumb so you copy off of satoru’s work when you need to (he has to hide the 1-0 scoreboard between him and the guy on a sticky note from you when you take his notes), but said guy’s always buying you stuff and lending you erasers and laughing when you flick the shavings at the annoying girl who never stops whispering in the front of the room.
satoru tries to act unbothered, and he almost convinces everyone. including himself. but the angry, burning knot in his chest that's entirely different from coffee stains suggests something more. that should be him at your side. him, making balls of paper with rude scribbles and silly doodles to throw at the people he knows you don't like. him, surprising you with little gifts and the cheap trinkets he knows you adore so much instead of all the luxury things he could afford. there's no way this punk could possibly measure up to him, right? but at least you and satoru are well on your way to becoming friends again. not as close as you used to be, but it's something. substantial. and he's learned to be patient in the time you've been gone.
but he'd be lying through his teeth if he said he wasn't tired of it. he’s endlessly plagued with thoughts of increasing intensity— first, it starts out with just you. only you. the way he likes it. the way he likes your face, and your pretty eyes and your gorgeous lips and your soft hair and your figure and the complimenting clothes you wear. but it takes a turn; thoughts turn into dreams that turn into fantasies and he's lying when he says he doesn't enjoy them when he accidentally lets it slip during a group study session— and it’s all fine— but then, that guy appears. the brat who seems to sit a centimeter closer to you with each coming day. not only does he haunt satoru in real life, he’s tormenting his dreams, too. tainting the image of beautiful you.
needless to say, satoru starts to wake up with his hands gripping his damp pillow like he's choking it, acutely aware of the sweat sliding down his neck and over his chest as he stares up at the ceiling, listening to the dorm's air conditioner run and thinking of what it'd be like for dreams (the ones where he replaces the boy) to become reality.
it's a buildup. and soon, he reaches the apex; it's like a rollercoaster, that stomach-twisting moment when you reach the top of the rail that points to the steep descent downward. but this time, he hopes it's a thrill he gets instead of the usual falling fright; the one he got when he realized he’d slipped between your fingers in highschool.
and satoru finally comes to a grinding halt at the top of the ride one breezy fall day when he decides he wants you back in his life after you smile brightly at him and wave goodbye for the day. he’s tired of you having one foot in and one foot out of his heart; he wants, needs more. he always has, he realizes.
so he’s thinking about you and how to approach the feelings he’s realized during those long lectures, and one morning he comes up with some semblance of a plan when he’s high on the sugar from the fruit tea you bought him that morning. and he hopes that, by the end of it, he'll leave your apartment with your hand in his currently empty one, chilled with the remnants of cold condensation from the bottle.
soon enough, satoru finds himself extinguishing his nerves and raising a tense fist to knock on the door with nothing but the clothes on his back and a flimsy plan to ask you out on a midterm study sesh and maybe even a date, but he stops when he realizes it’s slightly ajar. a brief thought of what look might be on your face when he surprises you crosses his mind, so he lets himself in quietly, because he knows every single floorboard that creaks like the back of his palm from his childhood. he’s hit with a wave of warmth and an achingly familiar scent that twists at his heart, and your apartment is cozy and safe and it screams you and he thinks he catches sight of his jacket slung across the back of the couch in your living room, but he’s not sure so he takes a step forward and—
he’s greeted with the sight of that stupid guy with the nice hair and the freckles, and it makes his heart drop. but even worse, he’s kissing you and his arms are winding around your waist but you’re kissing him back with a slight hesitation that’s blinded to satoru by his shock and the fingers he thought would end up in his own tonight card through the boy’s hair and your lips glisten with the strawberry-kiwi flavored gloss he watched the boy give you a few days back and his world is turning red and he feels like his throat is constricting and he can’t breathe—
and he doesn’t even realize you’ve parted lips and you’re calling his name through the newfound tightness of his chest and the painful ringing in his ears thats even louder than any silence of a lecture hall, or the void that should’ve been filled with your voice during the time you were apart. but now satoru realizes he’d take that any fucking chance to have that again because it’s so much better than what he’s stuck with now. having you, but not really having you, because you’re there but you’re someone else’s and you’re not his and he isn’t yours. the best thing he could ever hope for was for you to own an article of his clothing and a piece of his shattered heart, broken into a million fragments. some cruel voice in his buzzing head reminds him to change the scoreboard to 0-100.
and he could buy you cheap hot coffee or earn your smiles from scrunched up paper balls or even hear your laugh with crude jokes, but there’s no point when he realizes he can’t buy you with caffeine or earn you with hitting the back of people’s heads with his bio notes or have you and your laugh all to himself anymore.
it’s almost pathetic, the way satoru’s voice cracks and changes. the look of unadulterated concern on the face of the boy who stole your lips just adds fuel to the fire.
“gojo? what are you doing here— hey, are you okay? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
he noticed you’d stopped calling him satoru a few weeks back. he should’ve seen it coming.
“huh? oh, yeah. i’m good. i think you’re the one hallucinating.”
he’d never told a bigger lie in his life.
satoru had left after excusing himself for intruding. how very unlike him to be so polite, you think.
so in the end, he leaves your apartment with something in his hand, after all. but it's not your own— just his blazer that you’d given back to him before he stepped out the door, taunting him with the faint scent of coffee and lingering perfume. his hope was foolish, so it seems. it’s too bad, he thinks. if it were him, he would’ve sandwiched you against your counter while he kissed. but it wasn’t. apparently, it was your turn for your stars to align at the price of his.
and so, gojo satoru, the boy force-turned man with a chipped ego and a completely broken heart, loses you again.
bonus bonus.. part 2….
#here u go. yes!! u!!!!!! sorry it got long#thank you guys for the reception on the last part literally checking tumblr religiously the rbs and comments made me feel like floating#yea hes a hopeless loser srry i dont make the rules#ABND I TRIED TO HOLD HERRR but there was nothing i could do to stop her from cutting her beautiful blue hair off 🐐🐐#gojo satoru#gojo angst#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader#gojo x you#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gojo jjk#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk angst#did not proofread b i hope it’s good 🙇♂️🙇♂️#actually i j realized the coffee campus intro part is similar to another fic i’ve read sorry if u noticed that it was on my subconscious 😞#billet-doux
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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HELPP i found out about character AIs and im losing it over calling deltarune sans "a more manipulative personality" 😭😭 like whatt we've only seen this man like 2 times
sorry im being a hater hgfjdks but you're the sans understander
lmaoo character.ai, look where the fall of ai dungeon got us, smh. thank you for the compliment though!
#i think those ai chaeracter rps are goofy as hell#i've played around with them a few times to see what it was all about. they play up the personalization too much it's not THAT customizable#i tried feeding it some sans lines back when i was doing the rp to see if the machine was capable of identifying his speaking style#since i'd essentially done the same thing just manually. i wanted to see how good it could get it#huge disappointment as predicted#i WILL give character.ai one thing though. hilariously not for its characters. there's this one tool called brainstorming that's super hand#you throw ideas/concepts at it & it throws back clarifying questions based on what you sent in. like playing tennis against a wall#essentially a dynamic version of those writing tip lists like what's the significance of this event for x. what conflict arises etc#optimally this is stuff you do with a friend. and truly nothing beats brainstorming with another writer. honest.#but if you're fully throwing spaghetti at the wall in the roughest stages of an idea it's a quick way to cycle through some basic what-ifs#pretty fun toy all things considered. but it stops being useful the moment things start shaping up forreal#answered asks
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Typing "capsaicin snake effect" into the search bar so i can figure out if yakumo can eat spicy food
#it's telling me that primarily mammals are affected#and the few times they tried it on snakes#it didn't really do much except mess with their processing abilities a bit#so what you're saying is that yakumo will primarily not be affected by spicy food.#but maybe with super spicy things#he might get a lil loopy? a lil nose clogged ? a momentary distraction? but no pain#if yakumo's tears are mala sauce then it only makes sense that he can eat mala amirite#mammals are the ones who suffer huh.........#i am imagining the yokai trio eating some hella spicy food#yakumo is eating unaware of the presence of capsaicin. he's happily describing the textural and flavour profiles of the dish#garu is a lil confused. this food hurts a bit. but it's still tasty so... gotta keep eating.. OW drink milk? THEN EAT MORE! YEAH!#kuya is OBLITERATED#for all we know the version that kuya got could have only been seasoned with a bit of black pepper#but old fox scrunches up his entire face as soon as it hits his tongue#and he slams the dish into the trash (with dramatic angry flair) like he's a veteran judge on a cooking show#garu WILL eat that thing out of the trash if you don't stop him#if rei is more bird than man then he won't be affected either#i'm gonna go ahead and think even if he IS more man than bird... he'll still be unaffected.#rei probably eats toxic waste akin to blade and garu levels . he is beyond human. he has experimebnted beyond Mortal Stomachs#blade is in the corner crunching on what you THINK is a candy apple. but it is not that. it is an orb of molten glass#(blade's spicy food is hot metal? yeah. he'll eat that capsaicin like it's nothing. give him an orchard of chillis.)#(actually. maybe don't. because the next time eiden sucks him off there gonna be some COMEDIC consequences)
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I never noticed this before, but in Austerlitz when Logan runs at Kendall like he might hit him, Roman tries to reach out and stop him.
The only other time we see Roman actually try to fight back or intervene is when Kendall tries to grab Shiv in the finale.
#i feel totally normal about this#it's pretty innocuous at this point in the story but with the added context that Roman was the primary target for Logan's physical#abuse and the fact that he never once tries to fight back when someone's trying to hurt him (play fighting with shiv is obviously#different) it suddenly becomes a lot more significant#i slowed the clip down a bit so you could track the movement#like he just stands there with his hands by his sides while kendall digs his fingers in his face and does nothing to stop him until kendall#tries to grab shiv#and he obviously never tries to defend himself against logan and straight up pretends he never hit him but when he thinks his dad might#attack kendall he actually tries to stop him#it's tentative and he steps back after a moment but his instinct was still to try and intervene which he never does for a second#when someone tries to seriously hurt him#there's a lot here#also adds to the whole 'kendall becoming logan' thing#roman roy#austerlitz#logan roy#kendall roy
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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Just Another Statistic
(Happens probably distant future kind of thing— Drabble of sorts hehe)
(Read tags for a Little more content hehe)
#Imagine hearing that your friend is gone#and then having to act cheery and take care of the children#and you wonder if you could have done something to have stopped it#if you had just left the daycare when it happened#if you were there when it happened#you don’t even know what (it) even is#but you know you have the power to protect them#but you didn’t#and that’s what hurts#because you’re just a daycare attendant#you were nothing more than that#and never will be more than that#moon probably runs out of the daycare the minute it’s closing#he probably tries to find something#anything#that could tell him what happened#there’s nothing#no evidence#not a trace that Dakota even worked there#it was as if#they just vanished into thin air#and something inside of him#something that wasn’t his programming but his mind#something had told him in his head that Dakota was stuck somewhere#forever#alone in the dark#and he had promised them that they would never be stuck again#that they would never be alone again#that he’d be there even in the dark#Dakota
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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Omg since winter is coming my brain is HUNG UP on the idea of Dorian going with his friends in a trip to the mountains.
It’s a thing they do annually; there is a large cabin up in the mountains and it’s where they go every winter. It’s cold and snowy and the perfect getaway for a while.
After getting serious with Manon he decided to take her with him. She knows his friends and it won’t be an issue. He did ask her if she was okay with going first, because he doesn’t want to pressure her.
By that point Manon was becoming friends with Aelin (and Rowan) she’s also growing closer with Yrene because Chaol is Dorian’s best friend. She sees Lysandra from time to time because of Aelin so she’s also good.
So going up to the mountains for ten days away from civilization didn’t sound too bad for her. She knows the people going and it should be fine.
Idk just something something about Manon making friends and having good fun times with others because my girl has been through enough.
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#yrene towers#chaol westfall#aelin ashryver galathynius#rowan whitethorn#lysandra ennar#aedion ashryver#to Manon it was a major thing to think about because what do you mean ten days of doing nothing#her grandmother would probably kill her if she knew#but she also wanted to spend time with her boyfriend#so she just went and decided to work while she’s there#but because of the weather and the location there was no signal most of the time#so she spent that time with heightened anxiety and just.. stressed#but she did try to have fun#as much as she could#but there was no helping the panic attacks that would come out of nowhere (not really) every now and then#she was so occupied with her grandmother and her reaction#then ‘what if im unable to receive important emails or calls??’ and cue another stressor#she really did try to have fun tho but it was very hard bc these thoughts wouldn’t leave her alone#at one point she was set on returning back home but Dorian stopped her because there is a blizzard outside you can’t just leave??? but she#tried to leave not listening to logic or anything she just HAD to back home because what if her grandmother can’t reach her???#she’s not ignoring her and she needs to let her know that
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Yesterday I was replaying Deltarune and I was going really insane about it picking up on things I missed on my first playthrough and something that fucked me up hard was this line here
The little ellipsis at the end, almost like you can hear the regret on their voice. Voice of an ad who is realizing maybe they fucked up on this one. But it also made me think of... The possibility of this being a reaction to Spamton's actions.
Because I don't think this was an automatic thing, I feel like their drifting off was gradual. Sure, their jealousy had won them over (I'd have killed the guy or myself if I was them so I don't even blame them) but Spamton was too getting busier and busier the more famous he got, and as they say, that never stopped. He only kept getting bigger, until it all came crashing down. And when it did it was one of them who tried to go find him, after all that.
But I digress, let's focus on the original quote from my favorite sigma enby themselves, Pink Addison. There's obviously not only the regret to it, but feeling like they were abandoned too. Both parties lost a lot and the real tragedy is just how easily it could've have been avoided! Or rather, how beyond their control it was...
But I'll get off topic if I keep speaking so I'll leave it at that. The sheer tragedy that there is to everyone involved just makes me insane. Like I said in a post previous to this; you cannot trace down a good guy or a bad guy in this tale, it's just desperate people taking awful decisions and living to regret their actions.
#luly talks#makes you wonder too like#THIS IS GOING ON THE TAGS BC IM JUMPING THE GUN TOO HARD#but after Pink says rhat they follw by saying ''even so he only got more and more successful'' and its making me FEEL something alright#that EVEN SO. like. were they expecting for him to... stop? to slow down? to give up his overwhelming fame to get them back?#there's so many things i just can't say because we know very little of the addisons and big shot era spamton#we dont even know if they were aware this is how he ended. we dont even know if Spamton tried to go back to them or if he totally refused to#it makes me sick it makes me insane i want to grab these colorful things and squish then on my palm#there's a lot of What Ifs but i think the answer wouldn't even matter because nothing could change anymore#its sososososososoooooo sad#like i see fandom woobify Spamton a lot and i HATE that sure he went thru a lot but he's a grown ass desperate man#he's not a poor uwu cinnamon roll he's insane and he's an asshole and he's a nuanced tragic character#and so are these motherfuckers!!!!!!#btw i originally had a paragraph about how mad I'd have been if i was an Addison but i ended up rewriting the whole post LMAO#anyway. yeah. it just makes me insane.#deltarune#Spamton#addisons
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Sophie, have you watched Nosferatu, yet? The topic of gothic heroines resurfaced and with it the comparison of Loustat to Orlok and Ellen. would love to read a meta/review from you of it wrt IWTV.
I haven't yet, anon! It's been a pretty hectic start to the year with my sister and nephews staying with me, so I haven't made it to the cinema this week (hoping to get there on Tuesday, although I might be wrangled into taking the boys to see Sonic 3 instead of getting to see literally anything else, haha). I was wondering this morning if something had happened with the gothic heroine interpretation though because my Byronic hero post has been getting a lot of attention in the last 24 hours. I'll try and see Nosferatu soon though - I'm seeing a lot about it, and I have a few friends who are actually gothic horror authors and they've all hated it, which has actually made me extra curious, haha.
#i've always lowkey thought eggers was a bit of a hack but a lot of these authors i know LOVE the witch and the lighthouse#and so them not liking this has really surprised me#but yeah my phone notifications were going a little nuts while i was at the zoo with my nephews today#i was like 'please don't be drama' haha#(also anon who asked about the drop in context of being a means to trap louis in the house - - i'll try and reply tonight#but no i don't see that as lestat trying to trap louis in there#especially given lestat's cast out of the house in the aftermath of it#and louis destroys his coffin#both of which i think hold a lot of narrative and symbolic weight)#it's also interesting to consider that louis does actually leave lestat two eps earlier though and he's the one to come back and bind lesta#to him domestically by making him turn claudia#the reason - i thnk - that louis doesn't leave lestat is simply because he doesn't want to#he COULD follow claudia around europe there's nothing stopping him except for himself#i actually think you could make the case that he doesn't like travel in general tbh#he doesn't even want to with lestat when lestat tries to get them to go to rome#but i do think it'd predominantly tied with louis' reluctance to give up his humanity which is intrinsically tied to new orleans#but i'll try and write that out more articulately later haha
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nothing broke me more in yesterday's episode than realizing that the only reason why ruby doesn't describe weiss to little when looking for blake and yang simply is because she thinks weiss made it to vacuo. girlie already racking up seven different kinds of breakdowns and she doesn't even know her best friend's presence on the island is going to introduce a brand new one... please pray for ruby rose because she's about to eat dust this volume
#rwby v9 spoilers#v8 was truly all kinds of good but one of the best because it gave me v8c13/14#which are simply masterpieces. like... yang sacrificing herself to save ruby and leading to her falling off the platform#IN FRONT OF BLAKE#who just got yang back#so obviously blake does the only thing she thinks of. and launches gambol shroud and MISSES#and then her next step is to try and follow yang because she PROMISED she wasn't leaving her again. and weiss holds her back#and she won't let her go over the edge#then they're back to fighting and blake tries to save ruby. and fails. and they're both falling#and weiss.... WEISS HAS TO WITNESS IT ALL#her friends her FAMILY seemingly fell to their deaths and there was nothing she could do#but it doesn't stop there. because then penny gets mortally wounded and jaune has to mercy kill her#and weiss sees it happening again. she lost so many people#AND ALL OF THIS HAPPENED IN A TWO EPISODE SPAN#AND NOW THEY GOTTA DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH WHILE IN AN UNKNOWN REALM#AND MOST LIKELY WITHOUT THEIR AURAS#oh team rwby.... what emotional horrors are you going to face next. where is the line going to be drawn#when ruby finally can't take it anymore and snaps and lashes out and they all get a peek at the teenager ruby shouldve been#because she's finally the same age as them when it all started. they didn't get to be teens either#but on god they gotta make sure ruby gets to heal as well#im gonna fucking SCREAM#bumbleby#rwby
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Ep 10!
#Idk it was. An episode. Not many thoughts tbh ajhdblabfdl#The Kyouka / Akutagawa scene is my favourite ever. But I suppose there's little to say about them I haven't said already lol.#The “Because I knew a man who had the same eyes as yours” will never stop being endlessly impactful.#And I still find it very remarkable how Kyouka is pretty much literally the only person other than Dazai that Akutagawa respects.#It hits me so hard.#Nothing else to add? I think the storywriting in this arc is very good. The plot twists are very well executed.#I remember when I was reading the manga and Ranpo challenged Chuuya face off I was so hooked!!#I was like‚ how is he going to win!!! It's very nice.#I think it's interesting that Atsushi stayed behind with Kunikida instead of facing the pm with the rest of the pm.#I wish we'd explored his decision and state of mind more‚ especially since he was portrayed as being visibly conflicted.#I think part of it simply solves a storytelling purpose of not leaving Kunikida alone...#But I don't think that necessarily means the decision doesn't suit him. Atsushi really looks up to Fukuzawa.#His trauma probably makes him more reluctant to break orders than‚ let's say‚ Ranpo.#And he's always been very spokenly against violence.#Idk. I just think it's interesting.#The line “Kunikida‚ you're the strongest and most virtuous of us in the Agency. That's why the enemy tried to break you first.”#is very emotional#The animation is so strained it makes me feel bad for the animators. So many static frames lingering for so long...#I feel like the result isn't necessarily terrible either. The drawings are not ugly‚ just very undetailed.#But it really feels like there was a group of people doing the best they could with the llittle they had...#random rambles#And I'm now all caught up with the rewatch!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 See you on Wednesday!!!!!
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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings
#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways#it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics#and that was with the previously established cast#in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot#and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes#my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy#i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids#would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes#rather than active choice to be better#and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad#it would've been great#i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped#the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive#why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans#either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it#why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic#after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight#they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus#which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending#but idk. it felt weird#the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera#nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant#and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience#i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season#and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending#and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this#it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j
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just saw someome saying, yet again, "dean loved sam much more than sam loved dean" and i think 10 years of my life time were taken away
#yes sam hates dean the one who he tried everything in his power to save from the mark#yes sam hates dean the one that when sam thought dean was dead for six months thought about nothing but revenge against gabriel#yes sam hates dean the one who was willing to die if it meant dean would never ever have to worry about demons ever again#yes sam hates dean the one who sam was so incredibly hurt by when he notices he trusted a vampire more than his brother#yes sam hates dean who spent months trying to figure out how to save him from being a demon#literally making hell stop answering to his summons so that he would stop killing the demons to find crowley#i could go on#you guys are so fucking annoying#in s9 when sam said he wouldnt do the same for dean he meant take away his free will from choosing death or not#this fandom is horrible at understanding complex characters#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#polly's stuff#spn
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okay but like I joke about how much I like fireknight and how it consumes so many of my waking thoughts but it actually does . it does so much to me. a lot of it was built through fanon and clinging onto scraps from the games bc i doubt devsis will ever let them interact again but they are like insane to me.
fire spirit’s weird relationship with affection and love is also part of why I like them so much yes that was the source of the divine visions earlier .
nobody look at the tags of this post.
#he’s not built to love or love normally but he wants to. “they say true love is like an eternal flame”#he has that as one of his dialouge lines and actually I’ll never shut up about it man he can pine so hard#but he doesn’t know what to DO with that pining because he IS the fire. he finds something he loves and he wants to consume it#make it a part of him. it’s like fuel to a fire. and a fire will not stop consuming that fuel until it’s all gone or until it’s forced away#he destroys what he loves because it’s in his nature. he causes the end of the world in two of his costumes#“I don't care if even I disappear. ... That might even be better.” hey man I hate you. get onto my writing pages#but anyway this changes in fireknight because while knight is this image of heroic values. he’s also protection#he’s loyalty until there’s nothing left of him to serve what he believes in. and even past that he will protect what he loves#where fire spirit is destruction. knight is preservation.#and fire spirit loves him. he loves him down to his very being and core and he wants to be with knight and make him his#and if knight reciprocates then he is the same. and that is terrifying for fire spirit#because if knight let him consume all there was of him then he would. and despite how he loves him and to love he causes destruction#he doesn’t want a world without him. so he pushes knight away#and he pushes too far despite how much he wishes to dig his claws into him and never let go. never be separated and to thrive with the fuel#and this hurts him. he’s without something to fuel him. he falls to ashes then painful flames then back to normal then over and over#and he tries to forget but he just wishes he could love normally. love something and not destroy it#love something that can be like an eternal flame. something that won’t be lost because he holds it#eventually I think he figures out how to deal with it more but since they met pretty early in fire spirits godhood (to me at least)#he doesn’t have any idea how to handle any of it at first#And he wants his knight back. he needs a ground to walk on#he claws and begs for something he himself pushed away#you can’t have your cake and eat it too#Knight is also a criminally insane homosexual but fire spirit takes it to unprecedented levels
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