#nothing of value here just ramblings
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworksā¢ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on ātwo cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ācakeāā#and we love ācakeā#ācakeā is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the āutilitarian brain wormsā bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the āget a good grade in hobbyā wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the āget a good grade in xā wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn āenough value to liveā#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a ācorrectā that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not āthe pointā#because āthe pointā is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? āhere check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guyā#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid āsomething not have a purposeā??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fearā¢!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions
(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)
#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable#and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men#and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes!#but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions#and that's also something interesting to think about#speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive#and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them#but i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support#you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it#or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways#also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable#anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue#but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with#ringo starr#longer rambles
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looking at the clock and going "oh. i didn't. even realize it was past 8pm." and its not funny or cool its just unbelievably concerning
#medusa rambles#kind of venty ig#ive been having. a really shitty two weeks and an even shittier few days#i decided to step down from the student organization i started a year ago#which basically means itll probably fade into oblivion#i lost so many connections i had to this awful fucking college#in the past two weeks#and its like#all i have left tying me there is a degree that i don't really need for what i want to do#and a handful of professors & staff i genuinely value#i have very little support system in general and its just#why am i even staying here#why stay. genuinely why stay#i am such a community based person and like#i have no community there#everyone who im close with there just#are busy and i get it and i understand it but we Don't Talk. they understand my life via scattered updates that they dont really care for#and talking into the void is funny until its. not.#and logically i know that this is just like. pure depression speaking and not actually reflective of whether my friends care for me or not#but it just doesnt matter#and i think its just like. i Need to stop trying#because every attempt at any form of connection#that just fails completely and utterly is so severely damaging#but what do i have if i don't try. what is there otherwise.#i remember a year ago#when i first started college#sitting in my dorm and sobbing every night because i was just so fucking isolated from everyone around me#and its like. nothing has really changed. i am just as isolated as i was then#i think honestly like. maybe i do just need to be hospitalized again#i dont. feel like i did when i was 16 but i know that This is not sustainable and not good and like. sitting and going
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big fan of being my longest hyperfixations biggest hater
#let's be real this shit sux it's just fun#āthe revival ruined the writingā babygirl there was nothing of value to ruin#this is mostly vagueing the people on twitter complaining not here#like the show is fun. and visually well designed. but the writing? jesus#the misogyny in the writing doesn't just go away if you pretend it isn't there#rambles#negativity
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Cas and hunger and love and how he cannot differentiate except because when he was under Famine influence, the body prevailed (hunger as in food), but the confused mind/grace wanted reciprocation/concordance (hunger as in desireā him asking Dean whether heās affected).
Itās not even dominance (āyou should show me some respectā vs Godstiel who doesnāt seem to care for Dean on his knees). Heās infinite so it only stands to reason that heād try to consume, but heās not a leviathan. He feels hunger, but he wonāt even try to bite.
He always seem so sorrowful until he makes it clear that he is a warrior, that he can destroy and kill ā but then heās playing along with the Winchesters.
He has seen most of history, the fish leaving the ocean, yet heās been lobotomised again and again, which is almost comical. There is so much to him, and yet we see basically none of it. And it suffices. Because heās trapped in a loop of rebellion and wisdom and forgetting. Until he isnāt. Heās infinity reduced to a singular point and thatās breaking my mind.
#rambling#didnāt even try to make it coherent#Castiel#nothing of value here#honestly thatās partly why I find destiel so compelling#you have this fucking angel#that is so complex and represents so many existential questions#and then that fucking guy from Kansas#a state I couldnāt even place on a map#who should be nothing#who represents none of those great questions and theme#but is the incarnation and amalgamation of so many experiences and questions that plague me everyday#who is both a goal and a cautionary tale#just some bloke#Castiel wants the best possible outcome; Dean just wants the least bad one#uuuUuuUuhhhhuGggggguuugggh#thatās the noise my brain is making rn#could go on forever#materiality vs spirituality#losing oneself in belief of a greater power vs losing oneself in belief of your own strength/weakness#spn#Dean Winchester
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Quasi-Kuro related ramblings about the demons under the cut
(most of it is in the tags)
Demons as catalysts for change and upheaval, or at least ardent advocates for it, using their presence to tip the scales
Could demons be summoned with less for less, through sacrifices that don't involve bloodshed but still have the power to drastically alter the course of one's life?
#woonderfull rambling#not canon in the slightest#psa vis a vis the tags: i was very sleepy and going /through/ it when i wrote these and it shows ä¹ā Ā ā Ėā Ā ā oā Ā ā Ėā Ā ā ć#kuroshitsuji#The cultists make no true sacrifices tied to their own identities. They offer nothing of value. They'd return to their lives unchanged!#Its just set dressing and debauchery for the sake of debauchery#In contrast O!Ciel's existence has been irreversibly transformed.#the vibes of supernatural elements acting as facilitators for the evil acts of humanity (initially well-intentioned or otherwise)#āThere is no will in the angels but something higher than the willā#forget the dichotomy between good and evil; I'm talking law vs chaos#law embodies the divine. demons cannot completely shed the vestiges of heaven manifesting in the form of rules and contracts#āHe alone could discern light and darkness Who also could foreknow before they fell those who would fall.ā#Imagine being confined within the boundaries of your predetermined destiny only able to subtle subvert your purpose(āįā) truly a vibe kille#Humanity: the beings that have the capability for true chaos and 'evil'. Vessels for rebellion#*shakes Christianity* You can fit so many headcanons in here ā(ļ½„Ļļ½„*ā)#This was ghost written by Thomas Aquinas#Oh my papa hasn't given me the capability for true free will? It's a shame left all these humans about...#I mean back to canon-relevant things: the Reapers as an organisation (arguably an antagonist to Sebastian ) pretty much embody order.#Not to imply they're angels but you know??#Let's not acknowledge whatever the undertaker is doing right now - he's single-handedly going to shoot holes in this post with a gatling gu#but then again I don't entirely subscribe to the school of thought that all devils = fallen angels so š¬š®āšØ#the tags got away from me admittedly ą² ā ļ¹ā ą²
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āØ Behind (Not So) Closed DoorsāØ
As promised, hereās a little story of the one prompt I got a little bit ago! Literally no one voted ānoā on the poll for this story and I think thatās hysterical, bunch of thirsty mfs (affectionate š)
Lucifer x f!sinner reader
Summary: You catch Lucifer acting out on his most carnal desiresā¦
Warnings: 18+, smut, masturbation, voyeurism, fingering, hand job, (oral m & f receiving), p in v
You remember first meeting the King of Hell on the day you checked yourself into the Hazbin Hotel. And you remember thinking that Lucifer looked nothing like you had pictured. Of course he was beautiful, that wasnāt shocking, but he was soā¦unimposing. Not only that, but he was also kind, albeit a bit dorky as well. Not that it was off putting to you, it was endearing if anything!
Although, you hadnāt spoken to him all that much since the time youād moved in. Lucifer seemed so nonchalant and relaxed with everyone else in the hotel, save for Alastor, who you noticed always managed to get under the fallen angelās skin one way or another. Even you knew the radio demon was playing with fire; probably wasnāt the smartest idea to piss off the most powerful being in Hell. Regardless, how he acted around you was a little odd to say the least. It seemed like Lucifer was always trying to avoid you for some unknown reason. Did he not like you?
When you had first spoken to him all those months ago, you could tell he was tense. He rambled, a lot. And he somehow managed to fumble every other word that left his mouth. He quickly left after your initial meeting, and ever since then it had been nearly impossible to get in more than five words at a time. He had an impossibly perfect disappearing act, what with his portaging abilities. One time you greeted him from across the lobby and his only response was āO-Oh! H-Hey you! Uhh, I just, ummā¦welp, gotta run!ā and took off before you could even say goodbye. Truly bizarre.
You eventually went to Charlie, telling her that her dad was seemingly very distant towards you. āOh, donāt worry about that!ā Charlie explained. āHeās a pretty busy guy, so heās usually popping in and out of here pretty frequently. And heās told me on multiple occasions that heās glad you joined the hotel! He can come off as a bit scatterbrained, but rest assured heās more than happy to have you here! And so am I!ā
You smiled and thanked her. From the few months that youāve known her, Charlie was never one to lie, so you decided to take her words at face value. For now, at least. For some reason, you still couldnāt shake the feeling that something was up with Lucifer. You needed to find out.
A few nights had passed and you found yourself wandering through the lobby. The black nightgown you typically wore to bed didn't provide nearly enough heat, but you didn't want to change back into your normal day clothes either. So, you threw on your favorite pink robe before you left your room, it was more than enough to keep you comfortable. It was late, way later than you should have been awake. Even Husk was asleep, the bar sat devoid of any life. It was difficult to sleep most nights, you were still grappling with the fact that you were, in fact, in Hell. You thought you were a decent person in life. Never religious but you tried your best to while you were alive. But that didnāt seem to matter. Perhaps you should have attended church with your family more often, or donated to more charities, or not cut that one person off at that traffic light. Lying awake in your bed didnāt help these thoughts but getting up and walking around usually helped just a tad.
You glanced over to the fireplace, noticing the flames dancing against the walls. That was strange, considering no one ever used the fireplace, or at least not that youāve seen. But then you noticed one of the large chairs in front of it wasnāt empty. A white sleeve laid across the arm rest. You walked over out of pure curiosity, just to see who was awake at this ungodly hour like you. You craned your neck to see Lucifer sitting there frozen, his head down and eyes closed with his free hand pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked troubled. Before you could speak up, you heard him mumble under his breath.
āWhat the hell am I going to doā¦ā
Worried, you outstretched your hand, but stopped short of touching his arm. āSir?ā
Luciferās eyes shot open instantly, turning his head to see you towering over him. He leapt from his chair completely startled and began stumbling backwards towards the fire pit.
āWatch out!ā you warned, gripping his hand, and pulling him towards you. Lucifer held his breath, trying to process what had just happened. His head ended up flush against your chest, your face now feeling as hot as the flames in the pit. You let go of his hand and stepped away from him as fast as you could. Lucifer remained motionless. āI-Iām so sorry, your majesty! I didnāt mean for you toā¦Iām sorry!ā
You finally heard Lucifer exhale. He stood up straight and fixed his wrinkled jacket, making every effort to not look you in the eyes.
āItās alright, m-my dear,ā he spoke softly, āno harm done. A-And please, call me Lucifer.ā
āOkay. Lucifer,ā you started, āI didnāt mean to startle you. I saw you over here and I heard what you said andā¦is everything alright?ā
Lucifer was tense again. You noticed him clench his fists. āHow much did you hear?ā
āNot much,ā you admitted. āyou just sounded worried about something.ā
The king let out a sigh, letting his hands relax. āThank you for your concern, I-I appreciate it. Itās nothingā¦nothing that you need to trouble yourself with. Itāll be fine.ā Lucifer waved his hand, a portal now swirling open behind him, leading to his bedroom. āI think we should both get some sleep now. And t-thank you for catching me. Although, fire canāt harm meā¦b-but I appreciate the rescue nonetheless!ā He was about to step through the portal when you caught his hand once more.
āWait,ā you said quietly. Lucifer looked down at the ground, still refusing to meet your gaze. You frowned. āSir-I mean Luciferā¦I wanted to ask you something. I need to know.ā You felt his hand squeeze yours; he was tense again. āI-Iāve been feeling like Iām not welcome here by you.ā Lucifer finally lifted his head, his eyes almost piercing your soul. He looked distraught at your words. You never noticed how beautiful his eyes truly were, the soft yellow complimented his pure white skin nicely. You blushed slightly but shook your head and tried to remember what you were saying. āI-I just mean, you seem to avoid me every time Iām near. If Iāve done something to upset you, Iām very sorry. And if youād rather Iād not stay here, thenā¦ā
āNO!ā he shouted, now gripping your hand with both of his. āI-I mean, no. You havenāt done anything wrong! Pleaseā¦Please donāt leave. I should be the one apologizing if thatās truly how youāve been feeling. I never want you to feel unwelcome here, especially not from me. Itā¦Itās just thatā¦Iā¦ā Before he could finish his explanation, his eyes dropped for just a split second before returning to yours. His gaze had somehow shifted into a more panicked expression. He let go of your hands immediately and stepped through his portal in a hurry. āI-I have to go, Iām sorry!ā You couldnāt get another word out before his portal disappeared from view.
You stood alone in the parlor, alone and confused. The fire had died out, and you felt a shiver down your spine at the realization of how cold it had gotten without it. But you couldnāt let the conversation end there. You needed to know what was going on with him. You wouldnāt sleep until you did. Luckily, Luciferās room at the hotel was very easy to find.
You made your way up to his tower, replaying the scene in the lobby over and over in your head. Things were going well, werenāt they? He seemed so apologetic when you told him how you felt. And then he justā¦disappeared like he always does. You really didnāt mean to push the issue, but maybe you came on a little strong. Plus, your rescue of him was a little more than awkward. Not that you minded the closeness, even if it was fleeting. The picture of his head resting against your chest flashed in your mind repeatedly. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks once more now that you were now mere steps from Luciferās door.
Focus, you mentally scolded yourself, canāt think about that. It was an accident! It wonāt happen again so justā¦focus. No wonder he ran!
You stood in front of his door now, your knees somehow weaker than they were a moment ago. Those mental images really didnāt help at all. With a deep inhale, you went to knock, but you stopped short when you heard something from beyond the door. You heard your name.
What?, you thought, Howā¦How did he know I was here? Lucifer didnāt sound angry fortunately, but the inflection in his voice made him sound almost sad. Andā¦breathless? You cracked open the door slowly, a little embarrassed at being caught. You went to open your mouth to apologize for the intrusion, but not even a whisper left your lips. Because what you saw in that room left you completely and utterly frozen where you stood.
Lucifer, the great ruler of Hell, was propped up against the obscene amount of pillows on his bed with his pants pooled at his ankles, his very much erect dick in his hand. His eyes were shut, he hadnāt seen you catch him in this extremely vulnerable state.
Run, run, run, RUN! your mind screamed. Everything in your brain was telling you to shut that door and get out of there as fast as you could. But your body refused to react, you remained motionless. You were completely entranced by the scene before you. You watched as Lucifer stroked his cock, mumbling a number of curse words with your name leaving his lips like a prayer.
āHnng, G-God damn it-ffffuuuccckkā¦.ā Lucifer mumbled, his hand gradually picking up the pace as he stroked his shaft.
You tried to wrap your head around what you were seeing, but you were coming up blank. You couldn't believe this. Heāsā¦Heās touching himselfā¦to me?!? How is thisā¦? Why would heā¦? Your brain was a jumbled mess at this point. It was really beyond your comprehension. You felt tension pool in your stomach at the sight of him becoming undone at the mere thought of you. The sinful sounds he was making went straight between your thighs, to the point where it became uncomfortable that you werenāt giving yourself any attention. The tiniest bit of you wanted to push open that door and give him what he really desired. But before you even begin to think about acting on your carnal instincts, you watched Lucifer's hips bucked up as he came all over his hand. It took every fiber of your being to hold in a whimper that threatened to escape your throat.
Luciferās breathing was labored, you watched him toss his arm over his eyes and throw his head back on the pillows. "What the hell is wrong with me?!" you heard him ask. "Why am I doing this?! Itās been months now and Iāve barely had a normal conversation with her! And of course, the only time Iāve really talked to her was after my damn head was forced against herā¦herā¦s-shit.ā He waved his hand, a tissue appearing between his fingers. You watched as he cleaned himself up, thankful that he still hadnāt looked towards his door. Lucifer kicked himself out of his pant and swung his legs over the side of the bed, his head hanging low. āAnd what an absolutely fantastic exit I made! āSorry, gotta go! My dick is hard as a rock right now because of you!ā Great job, Lucifer! No wonder she thinks I donāt want her here!ā He sighed heavily. āI canāt do this anymore. This isnāt right. I need to stop being a coward and just tell her how she makes me feelā¦ā
A small gasp escaped your lips.
Fuck.
Lucifer's head shot up immediately, his panicked eyes fixating on the door. You didn't even close it behind you as you took off sprinting down the hall, praying to anyone who could hear you that he didn't see you. You didnāt stop running until you made it back to your room, slamming the door behind you. Your knees gave out from under you as you dropped to the floor. In that second, it all clicked for you. Why Lucifer avoided you at every turn, why he tripped over his words when he spoke to you, and why he practically begged you not to leave the hotel.
Lucifer liked you. Lucifer really liked you. That thought alone could have made you scream if you werenāt trying desperately to hold yourself together. And itās not like you didnāt have passing thoughts about him. He was gorgeous after all. But not only that, you saw how he acted with the others at the hotel. He was sweet, and silly, and fun, even though you never got to experience it firsthand. Now you knew where Charlie had gotten it from.
But of course, those thoughts never stayed. He didnāt like you, right? So instead of wallowing in what could never be, you thought it best not to dwell. But nowā¦now those thoughts were coming back in full force. The aching between your legs only grew as the very fresh images of Lucifer naked and moaning in his bed flooded your mind.
There was a knock at the door.
āH-Hey,ā you heard Luciferās voice on the other side, āitās me. Can we talk?ā
You didnāt dare move. You hid your head in your lap, pleading silently that he would give up and go away.
You heard him sigh. āI can see your shadow, you know.ā
God damn itā¦
Slowly you rose from the floor, your trembling hand latching onto the doorknob. But your brain wouldnāt let you turn it no matter how hard you tried. How could you possibly face him after what you saw?
āPlease?ā¦ā
The way he sounded so desperate; it was impossible not to give in. With a heavy sigh, the doorknob turned and you cracked open the door just enough to see Lucifer standing just outside, his glassy eyes looking into yours. You looked away immediately.
āHiā¦ā you whispered staring down at the ground.
He lowered himself in an attempt to get you to look at him again. āCan I come in?ā
You nodded, opening the door inch by inch until he was able to step inside. You shut the door behind him, folding your arms over your body. You still hadnāt looked at him. The silence between you two was deafening, but you knew he wasnāt going to leave until you talked.
āIām so sorry!ā you both shouted simultaneously. āWait, what?ā
"Hold on now!" Lucifer interjected, "You have nothing to apologize for!"
"Of course I do!" you retorted. "I invaded your privacy when I watched...uhh, n-never mind." When you glanced in his direction, his entire face almost matched the pink circles on his cheeks. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him any longer. "I-It was an accident! I came up to apologize for scaring you off again. But...I heard you call my name a-and I just assumed you already knew I was outside, so I opened the door and...I'm so sorry, I should have knocked, and I should have left immediatelyā¦I-"
You didn't notice Lucifer make his way towards you, throwing his hands onto your shoulders and snapping you out of your spiral. "Hey, no more of that," he soothed. "I'm not angry, and I didn't come here to scold you. This is all on me."
You felt tears begin to well up in your eyes. "B-But..."
"My dear, this is my fault, not yours," Lucifer cut you off, bringing his thumb up to cheek to wipe a tear that had fallen. He realized how close he'd gotten to you in his attempt to calm you down. Flustered, he stepped back, folding his arms over his chest. You already missed the closeness. "If you'd let me, I'd like to apologize and, you know, at least attempt to explain myself. Not that what happened was excusable. But if you'd rather I leave now, I'd more than understand. And I don't expect your forgiveness. I...just thought it best to apologize to you directly instead of continuing to avoid you and pretending like nothing happened. I'm deeply and truly sorry for everything."
You felt the sincerity in his words, and you saw the pain in his face thinking he had hurt you. You couldn't let him leave. Not yet.
"Stay...please..." you managed to respond. You made your way over to your bed and gestured for him to follow. You sat down crossed legged near the edge of the bed, Lucifer mirroring your actions. You took a deep breath before speaking once more. "I'm not angry with you either, you know."
A strange mixture shock and confusion flashed across Lucifer's face. "Y-You're not?"
You smiled wearily. "No, I promise. I mean, I'm a little taken aback..." Lucifer winced. "...but not in a bad way! If anything, I feel...flattered, you know?" Your face burned at your own candor. A quick glance at him showed he felt the same heat in his own cheeks.
"R-Regardless," Lucifer cleared his throat, "it was still wrong of me. I could try to give excuses about...my ex-wife being gone for more than 7 years now, or tell you that watching you from afar just sparked something in me that I hadn't felt in God know how long, or..."
"You've been watching me?" you teased, flashing him a small grin.
"Shhhhit, well, I uhh...only sometimes!" Lucifer tried to reason. "A-And not for very long! I just, umm, I just noticed how kind you are with everyone you come into contact with, and you're extremely helpful when it comes to the hotel! And your smile...I MEAN, uhh, C-Charlie absolutely adores you with the way she goes on and on about your progress! We both wonder how you even ended up down here in the first place. And well, you...you're," he gulped, "you're the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on..."
You sat there frozen, your body trembling slightly. Your mind raced a million miles a minute. You tried to get your mouth so form any sort of words, but nothing. Lucifer started to panic.
"I-I'm sorry! That was really forward of me! I shouldn't have-I uhh...God, this is the worst fucking apology imaginable!" Lucifer brought his hands to his face, covering his eyes and lowering his head. "Maybe it would be best if I just g-MMPH!"
You don't know what came over you, but somehow your lips crashed into Lucifer's. His hands flew from his face, now gripping the bed sheets beneath him. He sat perfectly still, but only for a moment. He couldn't help but give into you, letting his eyelids flutter closed and melting under the kiss. You pulled away after only a few seconds, Lucifer leaning his head forward slightly, still needing more. His crimson irises had grown into saucers, his face hot as the sun. Having the literal King of Hell flustered beyond belief from a single kiss was a sight you absolutely wanted to see more of.
"If you think I'm beautiful, then you are someone who is beyond beauty, your majesty," you cooed. You weren't completely sure where this sudden burst of boldness had sprung from, but you liked it. And from what you were witnessing, all signs pointed to Lucifer being completely enamored with it as well.
You went back to your seated position, but now Lucifer was on all fours, crawling ever so slowly towards you. "P-Please..." he begged, "I-I need more..." His face was now mere inches away. He rested his forehead on yours, waiting for your lips to touch his again. The faint smell of apples that hugged his skin was intoxicating.
"You want me to kiss you again?" you asked playfully. "Then you need to tell me something, darling."
Lucifer's breathing had picked up at the sound the pet name you'd given him, his eyes screwed shut. "A-Anything!"
"Tell me then," you said as you began to stroke his soft blond hair, "what were you thinking about when you were touching yourself to me?"
Lucifer whimpered against you. "Anything but that! Please! I-I can't..."
You pulled your forehead away from his, still patting his hair. "I think it's a little too late to be shy now, my king."
A low moan escaped Lucifer's throat as he inched towards you once again. "I...I was thinking...about how wonderful you would taste on my tongue...." He pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I was thinking about how...how pretty your lips would look around my cock." A kiss to your left cheek. "I was thinking about watching you...fuck...watching you ride my cock until I have nothing left in me." A kiss to your right cheek. "But mostly...I was thinking about how badly I want you to be mine..."
Your lips met once more, and with even more vigor than before. His devilish tongue swiped against your bottom lip, begging to delve in further. When your lips parted, your tongues had clashed with such voracity that it had knocked you down onto you bed, Lucifer now completely overtaking you. His hand found the back of your head and pulled you closer into the kiss which you didn't even think possible. With his body completely flat on top of you and even through your robe, it didn't take long for you to notice a certain bulge pressing against your stomach. You chuckled lightly, causing Lucifer to pull away, knowing exactly what you had felt.
"Ha...sorry...my uhh, my body has a mind of its own," he laughed nervously. "If this is too much for you, w-we can slow down. Or just stop completely! It's...It's been a while for me a-and I don't want you to be uncomfortable..."
You placed your hand on his shoulder and gently guided him off of you, putting him on his knees. In an instant, you tossed your robe to the side, revealing your cute black nightgown that left very little to the imagination. Lucifer sucked in a breath as he frantically started shedding his own clothes as well, removing his jacket and dress shirt in a manner that really emphasized his desperation for you. You couldn't help but stare at his bare chest and how it almost glistened in the faint lighting of your room.
"Do you think you're the only one who's body is reacting to this?" You shoved him down gently onto his back, his head now resting against your pillows. "But instead of just telling you, why don't you see for yourself?" You crawled up his body, dragging yourself against home until you straddled his chest.
"Oh, fuck me..." Lucifer almost inaudibly. He snaked his hands up the skirt of your nightgown until his hands reached them hem of your panties. He looked up at you expectantly, and with a final nod from you, you felt him tug your underwear down your legs. He pulled them down slowly, lifting one leg out first and kicking them off with the other. You gazed at him seductively, your glistening entrance now mere inches away from waiting lips. Lucifer's hands grazed up your thighs before stopping just before where you needed him most. Lucifer's breath hitched.
"It's alright," you reassured him. "Touch me. Please, Lucifer..."
"Ahh, wait!" Lucifer stopped his movements entirely. With a quick snap of his fingers, you heard your door lock itself. "We don't want another incident now, do we?"
You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his theatrics, but it made you giggle, nonetheless. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're stalling!"
Lucifer laughed. "My sweet angel, if you've learned anything about me in last few minutes, it's that I couldn't wait another second longer for you even if I tried."
With those words, you felt his fingers finally find their way to your folds. It was like an electric shock had coursed through your entire body when he touched you. He'd barely begun and you were already soaking wet. His thumb found your clit instantly as he began to rub small circles around it, sending wave after wave of pleasure. You lifted your hips slightly so his figures could push their way inside of you. Words couldn't begin to describe how good he felt. He told you himself that it had been some time since he'd been with anyone, but there was no indication of this being the case as his two digits pumped in and out of you at a steady pace. He knew exactly what he was doing. You whimpered when you felt him pull his fingers out of you, only to watch him dip them into his mouth, cleaning off your slick entirely. "God, you're more delectable than I could have ever imagined! Please, let me taste you, all of you..."You blushed hard and nodded. You scooted yourself up further, hovering directly over his lips. "Still too far..." you heard him say before his hands latched onto your hips and forced you down so you were seated firmly on his face.
"L-Lucifer!" you cried weakly, trying to pull yourself up. You knew it was futile though. Damn him and his angelic strength.
"You won't hurt me, darling, I promise," he said with a wink. "Besides, breathing is overrated..." You felt his forked tongue immediately dart in and out of your drenched pussy. Your broken moans filled the room as he ate you out like it was his last meal. Lucifer switched between tongue fucking you and sucking on your sensitive nub at a relentless pace. That coil in your stomach was tightening with each movement he made.
"Lu-Luci-fer, o-oh my God, f-fuck, I-I can't." You tripped over every other word that left your lips. Your body started to tremble and your thighs shook violently as you felt your impending orgasm. "I-I'm gonna c-cum, gonna cum, oh SSHHHIIIIITTT-FUCKFUCKFUCK C-CUMMING!" You cried out helplessly as you felt your walls clench around nothing, your juices spilling out onto Lucifer's more than eager tongue. He rode you through your orgasm, lapping you up and not wanting to waste a single drop. You felt him release his hold on your hips so you could at last move back down to his chest. You stared at him wide eyed as he looked back at you with the biggest smile you've ever seen. You felt the heat rise up your neck and cheeks as you watched him lick up the rest of your release that hung on his chin.
"W-Wow, that was...fuck, that was amazing," Lucifer sighed. "Are you alright?"
"I-I'm fine," you breathed, "more than fine. You...really know how to use that tongue of yours." Lucifer flashed you a toothy grin like he had just told you the worst joke imaginable. You wanted to hide your face but damn it, he was too adorable when he looked at you like that!
"Well, you got your first wish. Allow me to grant your next one..." You shimmied down his body until your face lingered above the very obvious strain in his pants. "Let's make you more comfortable shall we?" You unhooked his belt in mere seconds, his pants following soon behind, leaving him in nothing but his briefs that already had a large wet spot in the front.
Lucifer managed to prop himself up on his forearms, his blush spreading to his entire face. "Sweetheart, y-you don't have to do that, I'm fiii-iiiiii-oooh fffffuck..." Lucifer's protest were cut short when you had brought your hand up to palm his very apparent erection through his shorts.
"Now that's hardly fair, Luci," you scolded him, "I think I deserve my fill too, don't you?" Before Lucifer could choke out an answer, you hooked your fingers along his waistband and pulled his briefs all the way down his legs, freeing his painfully hard cock at last. You stopped for a moment to marvel at his length, having to stop yourself from drooling. "O-oh wow, that's umm...that's big..."
Lucifer chuckled nervously above you. "Y-Yeah, sorry about that. I think? Like I said, y-you don't have to-GAAHHH!" Without warning, you delicately gripped Lucifer's shaft, stroking it lethargically. Even though you were moving as slow as possible, the king was already a moaning mess. "S-Shit, you-fuck...feels so good..."
"Is this what you imagined, your highness?" you cooed, now rubbing your cheek against his cock in tandem with your hand. "I wanted to help you out earlier, you know that? When I saw you stroking yourself, I almost pushed opened that door so I could give you what you really wanted. But hey, better late than never!" You chuckled lightly as you licked up his shaft to the very sensitive head of his cock. The taste of his precum was addicting, you craved more. Lucifer writhed under your touch as his whimpers became music to your ears. You circled your tongue around the tip, earning a guttural moan from the man beneath you. You glanced up and noticed Lucifer's eyes were squeezed tight, with his claws digging into your sheets.
"Look at me," you ordered him while you continued to pump his cock. His chest rose and fell faster and faster as he forced his eyes open. "Good boy. I want you to keep your eyes on me." You smiled at him wickedly as you parted your lips and sunk down on his shaft.
"A-AHHH, OOOH FUCK!," Lucifer yelped as he fought against throwing his head back in pure bliss. Your warm mouth enveloped him, the taste of him was nothing short of divine. Your head continue you bob up and down, taking as much of him as you could. Lucifer was a blabbering mess, only able to make incoherent noises. His ability to think had all but disappeared. All he could focus on was the immense pleasure your sinful tongue was providing. His breaths became shallow as your mouth lingered on his cock, refusing to move.
"I-I ca-FUCK...H-HOLY SHIT," Lucifer nearly screamed, his hips now bucking up uncontrollably, forcing you to take more and more of him. "CU-CUMMING, CUMMING...MMPH OHFUCKME!" With one final thrust, you felt his cock twitch, his hot seed filling your mouth. You sucked him off through his orgasm, taking in and swallowing every bit of cum he had. Once he'd finished, you finally let go with a small *pop*. You made your way up his body once more and hovered over his face with a giant grin. You opened your mouth to show him some cum you still had on your tongue before swallowing it down gleefully.
Lucifer's hands flew to his face immediately upon watching you. "I can't believe you just did that! How am I ever going to recover?!"
You laughed as you pulled his hands away from his face, leaning down to kiss him tenderly. He happily returned your kiss, his thumbs rubbing circles on your hips under your nightgown. Lucifer leaned his head back on the pillows and tugged at the hem. "May I?"
"Of course," you nodded. He helped raise your nightgown, lifting it up and easily tossing it over your head and onto the floor. You sat up straight, straddling his stomach and giving him a very nice view of your breasts. "I know you've already felt them once tonight, but I'll let you touch them again if you ask nicely."
"Oh, ha ha," Lucifer mocked playfully, "very funny. That was technically your fault! I didn't just lay on your chest for fun, you forced me there when you pulled me away from the fire!"
You smirked and took ahold of his wrists. "Do you want to touch my tits or not?"
"...Yes, please..."
Smiling, you brought his hands to your breasts. A soft hum emitted from both of you as Lucifer began to knead at your soft mounds, his thumbs running over your sensitive nipples. Suddenly, he started to roll them between his thumb and index fingers, causing you to squeak in surprise. He sat up quickly, pushing you back so that you were now kneeling on the bed and hovering over his thighs. He took one nipple into his mouth as he continued his ministrations on the other. You moaned at the sensation, taking your hand and holding the back of his head for support. He switched sides, making sure your other nipple got the same amount of attention. The feeling of his teeth grazing you nipple sent shivers down your spine.
"Luci," you whispered into his ear. "you had one more fantasy you told me about, did you not?" Lucifer pulled away from your breasts, his eyes wide and full of anxiety. You could feel his heartbeat racing as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.
"O-Only if you want to," his muffled voice reverberated off your skin.
"Yes, I do." You pushed Lucifer back down gently, noticing his cock was already hard again even without any further stimulation. "My, my, eager are we?"
"Very much so, yes," Lucifer whined.
"You're adorable, you know that?" you praised. Lucifer blushed hard and tried to cover his face once more before you pinned his hands above his head. "Don't you dare hide that pretty face from me, sweetheart. I want to see every single little cute expression you make once you're inside me." A small whimper left his mouth as you released your grip on his hands. You shifted yourself in order to line up your entrance with the tip of his cock, slowly rubbing it between your slick folds. "Are you ready?"
Lucifer gasped and threw his head back in response. "Y-Yes, please...need you...need to feel you..."
You began to sink down on his length, feeling him stretch you out beyond what you ever felt before. A beautiful mix of pain and pleasure coursed through you as you finally bottomed out on his cock, both of your moans echoing off the walls. Tears pricked your eyes as he filled you completely, as if you felt whole, now connected as one. You shifted your hips ever so slightly, but it was enough for Lucifer sit himself upwards and wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace.
"You really f-feel like heaven," Lucifer breathed. "P-Please...please say you'll be mine..."
A single tear drifted down your face, and your heart was threatening to burst out of your chest at any moment. You eagerly returned his embrace, wrapping your arms around him and bringing him as close to you as you possibly could. āIām yours, Lucifer.ā You cupped his face in your hands and brough your lips to his, sealing your promise. Feeling him twitch inside of you, you lifted your body off of him and gently sank back down. You swallowed Lucifer's moans as you continued your pace, bucking your hips and taking all of him with each sharp thrust. Lucifer's hands flew to your hips as he helped you up and down his aching cock.
"F-Fuck, y-you're killing me here, darling, I-HNNG...I'm close..." Lucifer sobbed was your pace became relentless. His hips were now rutting into you as he slammed you down onto him. Your eyes had crossed and drool began to pour down the side of your lips. You were absolutely and unashamedly cock drunk. The tightening in your stomach became almost unbearable, your release was fast approaching and so was his. "FFFFUUUUCCKK, g-gonna cum, g-gonna-ACK, c-can I?..."
"Inside L-Luci," you pleaded, "inside...fill me n-now-GAH F-FUCK, C-CUMMING!" Your walls clenched around his thick cock, pulsating relentlessly as Lucifer continued to pound into you making your vision blur. Your cries mixed with his as you felt him empty inside of you. The grip you had on him loosened as his wings suddenly sprouted out from behind him, catching you by surprise. Lucifer didn't seem to notice, too overtaken by his orgasm. He bit down on your shoulder harshly to keep himself from screaming while his hot seed continued to pour into you. Your muscles finally relaxed as you both came down from your highs. Lucifer's tongue lapped at the mark he had left on you, soothing the sore spot. But now that he'd given you your first mark, all you wanted to do was beg for more.
"S-Sorry about that," he smiled sheepishly. "I didn't mean to bite you so hard." He turned his head, finally noticing his ruffled wings. "O-Oh! Well...that's new."
You chuckled. "Your wings are beautiful, Lucifer." You ran your fingers over a few of his scarlet feathers; they were the softest things you've ever felt. His wing folded towards your touch, now almost fully engulfing the two of you. "Wait, are you apologizing for marking me? I'm yours, am I not? Now I have proof!"
Lucifer buried his face in your chest. "L-Love, you can't say things like that! You're gonna drive me insane!"
"Love?" you repeated.
He shot his head up in a panic. "I-uhh...is that okay?"
You kissed his lips tenderly. "It's more than okay, love."
You watched his wings puff up at your words, his smile wider than you've ever seen before. You then carefully pulled yourself from his lap and laid down ever so gently on his one set of wings while the other set wrapped around your body. Lucifer wrapped his arms around you once again, now feeling a double layer of protection and comfort.
"Thank you," he murmured against your ear.
"No, thank you," you whispered back. "It was wonderful, truly. And at least now I can stop worrying about whether or not you hate me!"
You heard a small hum leave Lucifer's lips. "That couldn't be further from the truth, my dearest." A placed a small peck to your forehead. "Do you...mind if I stay here tonight?"
You shook your head. "I wouldn't let you leave even if you wanted to," you teased. "You're mine now too." Fatigue flooded your body as you yawned and felt your eyelids fall. You snuggled your head against Lucifer's chest before unconsciousness had taken over.
"Forever," was the last thing you heard before drifting off to sleep in Lucifer's arms.
~~~
WHY THIS ENDED UP BEING SO LONG IS BEYOND ME, HOPE YOU LIKE IT ANYWAYS!
Taglist: @ask-theradio-demon @kermitdafroggy @thonethatflies620 @luc1fersducky @a-okay-rj @bat-boness @myhornybrainonlyknowsthis @misfitgirlwrites @animationmovieshipps @orbitinglumps @ramenkitten @blaackbiird @bigfatbimbo @lucisaspen @bvnnyangel @seulace9 @fluffypinkpillows @starlightdreaming @k-n0-x @rosen-und-mondlicht @raindropsfromheaven @slutforlucifermorningstar @lola576 @ag-cookiebat800 @victoriousvic @rand0m-1diot @lonelynmisunderstood @cosmic-lavender @yourmom132 @liveontelevision @luci-lover-forever @lolalovesmorningstar @moonlight-readings @mel-windle @la-undercover-latina @yve-barr @certified-cry-babyyy
#hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer smut#lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel smut#my writing#KILL ME WHY IS THIS 6000+WORDS
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The Nanny Diaries
Art Donaldson x Fem!Reader x Tashi Duncan/Donaldson
The nanny contract you had signed had never mentioned you falling in love with the parents of the child nor them reciprocating the feeling. But, here you were...
Warnings: age gap (reader is in her 20s), nanny!reader, hurt/comfort, poly!relationship, body guard doing his job "badly", intrusive fans
*Yes the title is inspired by a movieā”*
"Lily... Lily, wake up sunshine." You played gently in her hair and whispered ever so slightly in order for her to not wake up in a bad mood. Today was a big day. You were finally going to bring Lily watch her father's match. Something that you had always waited for. Tashi was also excited but was too worried about Art actually performing to get over the moon about it. Art was more than excited to show his little girl how good he could play. It was a motivation that was needed for him.
You had seen him play once or twice before becoming the nanny to his child. That's how you had met them both. Somehow, hanging out in a place full of rich married couples could lend you a well paid job... You had accepted their offer and were now travelling all around the country with the couple and their amazing daughter Lily. She was a sweetheart and loved you to death. While taking care of her, you had fallen in love with her parents. Let's admit it, they were so kind to you and extremely attractive.
Nothing had prepared you for that one night where you were leaving for a week to go see your family for Christmas.
They had let you have a week off and you were packing your things in the bedroom that was reserved to you in their mansion. Suddenly, they both came in without knocking. "Y/n?" You turned around slightly surprised that they were both in your room and smiled at them. "You scared me." You giggled. They smiled and motioned for you to sit down. "Have a seat." You were confused. Why did they want to talk to you right now? "Is something wrong? Did Lily wake up? I can go put her back to sleep if you both want..." They got closer to your bed on which you were sitting and shook their head no at the same time. They were so captivating.
"No... We wanted to ask you something. But, we don't want it to change anything about this nanny contract. Lily values you too much for that." Tashi said while holding Art's hand. "Of course, ask me anything. Did I do something wrong?" You asked them, starting to worry. "No. God, everything except that, Y/n!" Art exclaimed. You looked in his eyes and was reassured by his sincere gaze.
"Do you know what polyamory is?" Tashi asked you and sat down to your right. Your eyes grew wider. "Yeah..." you felt exposed somehow. What were they thinking? "Do you like us Y/n?" Art then asked while sitting to your left. You nodded shyly. "Use your words, sweetie." Tashi said and gently rubbed your thigh. "Yeah." "Both of us? You like both of us the same?" Art started to rub your left thigh and it was all overwhelming. You got up and away from them. "Yes and I'm sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me. You two are married it's wrong of me. I'll be more subtle I swear! Just... please don't fire me. I need this job." They were now looking at you attentively while you shed some tears. "Baby... don't appologize. We're not mad, we just wanted to make sure. Because, we like you too..." Art admitted and got up closer to you to offer you comfort.
"What?" You were now very much confused and mixed up. "Y/n, we took some time to talk and we came to the realization that we want to try something out with you. We would be happy to add a beautiful and amazing woman to our relationship. If you want to try it out that is?" Tashi elaborated and you once again nodded to which the couple laughed softly. "Uh, yeah my words... sorry. Of course I would. Are you sure? When will we start? Does something like this even start?-" You were rambling again until Art put his hand on your right forearm. "When you come back from your Christmas break, we would love to take you on a date. Would you want that, sweetie?" Tashi offered and you smiled brightly. "I would love that." You aknowledged and they both wrapped you in their arms at the same time. "It's a date then." Art pointed out and kissed your cheek. You blushed and hummed yes.
The rest was history.
You had started dating them 1 year ago but it was all a secret to the media. People wouldn't understand and you were not pressed for them to do so. You were happy being their lover and being apart of this incredible family officially.
Lily had finally woken up and smiled at you. "Y/n/n?" Lily knew you were dating her parents. When she learned it five months after you started dating, she wrapped you in her arms and said thank you to her parents which made the three of you tear up. "Yes, Lil?" You took her in your arms and brought her to the bathroom to start the day. "Is dad going to win?" She asked you with worried little eyebrows while you made her sat on the sink counter. "I don't know, Lily. It never is a sure game. Especially the final match." She frowned while you handed her her toothbrush and motioned for her to brush her teeth. "But... I personnaly think he will beat the other guy. But don't say to anyone I said that. Okay?" You whispered and she finally smiled. She nodded excitedly and put her little hand on her heart. "Pinky swear?" You asked her while extending your pinky to her. She lifted hers up and you crossed them together.
When she was done in the bathroom, you helped her get dressed and got dressed yourself. Tashi had bought Lily a cute little, white tennis dress from Tommy Hilfiger that matched hers. You were wearing a pair of beige trousers, a white blouse and some loafers from Tommy too that you had picked up in the store with the help of your two partners. You took Lily's hand and left the hotel to drive up to the tournament.
When you both arrived there, there was no place to walk, litterally. Everybody was screaming and fighting their way to maybe have an autograph of the players. You took Lily in your arms and held her closely to make sure she didn't get hurt. "Y/n/n?" The girl asked for you in a tiny voice. "Yes, Lil?" You rubbed her back with your hand and tried to push through the crowd to get where the security was. "I'm scared..." Lily announced, which broke you're heart. "It's okay sweetie. I've got you, I promise. We're almost there."
When you got to the security you realized that you had forgotten your VIP pass and cursed to yourself making sure Lily didn't hear you. "Hey, I'm sorry?" You said to a guard that had his back facing you. He turned around and looked at you unimpressed. "Hi, sorry. I am VIP but I forgot my pass. Do you maybe have a list with names? I'm on there, I swear." You tried to explain but he was unfazed. "No pass, no entry." He went to turn around but you pleaded. "Please, I am with a child here..." "And what does that do? We've had this a lot. Please just wait like everyone else and don't make me use force." He answered and you groaned after Lily sobbed harder as the fans shouted more. "I'm begging of you, this child is about to have a panic attack. You do not want Art Donaldson and Tashi Donaldson's daughter having a panic attack because of you, trust me."
The guard looked you up and down and sighed. "Call them." He told you coldly. "What?" You asked bewildered. "If they asnwer, then they can prove that they know you. Otherwise..." He tsked at you and you pulled out your phone with difficulty having Lily in your arms. The phone rang and rang and Tashi didn't pick up. Fuck... "You can wait like the rest." Th bodyguard turned around after seeing your exposed face. "No wait-" You were about to make another compromise when you realised it was no use. He wasn't going to listen to you anymore.
That's when you heard it. A fan... "Omg look! That's the Donaldson's daughter!" The girl shreaked and pointed towards Lily in your arms. Then, a plethora of fans made their way towards you two and you held Lily closer. "Can we get a picture?" One boy asked to which you shook your head. "No, I'm sorry but that's a no." The fan's face changed quickly and he frowned. "Who even are you?" He asked and a lot of fans around agreed to his question and you knew it would turn bad.
"Please, I'm her Nanny... She is very anxious right now, it's not the time to cause a scene." You tried to reason with them only for a girl to scream from your left. Lily' sobs were louder and you rubbed her back soothingly trying to keep yourself calm too. "She's kidnapping the Donaldson's daughter! Stop her!" Your eyes blew wide as they all approached you dangerously with death glares.
"Y/n?" A tiny voice whispered afraid in your ears and a tear fell down your face. "I'm so sorry, Lily" While they got closer, you closed your eyes and kept Lily close in your arms.
"Get the fuck away from them!" You heard a familiar voice thunder from behind you. You didn't dare open your eyes afraid you had been dreaming it. You heard footsteps gather away from you and you finally opened your eyes. The fans had gotten away and were looking behind you with scared eyes. You turned around and were met with two sets of eyes. Art and Tashi. You had been right. It had been Tashi ordering them away. They saw your tear streaked face and hurried closer to you.
When Tashi had returned your call from earlier only for it to go to voicemail, she decided that she would come find you. Art had tagged along since his match was only in an hour.
"Y/n?" Art called you while looking at you worried. "Come on let's go..." He whispered when he put his hand on your back. Tashi got closer too and analysed you and her daughter. "Take Lily from my arms, please..." Your voice sounded weak to them and they looked at you turn by turn. Art had a worried expression on his face and Tashi looked more angry. Art took Lily in his left arm and put his right hand on the small of your back from your left. Tashi pur her left hand on top of his and guided you towards the same guard line as before. "Did you try to get through?" She softened her tone for you. You nodded and sighed. "But I forgot my pass at the hotel. I'm so sorry. It's my fault and-" You were explaining when she rubbed your back to reassure you. "Did you try to explain to a guard your situation?" You nodded once more and her jaw ticked. "Okay... let's get you two safe for now." Art proposed when he saw how pissed his wife was.
He lead you four to his locker room and as soon as you were behind closed doors, you broke down in full tears from it all. Art sat down with Lily in his arms that was now asleep from exhaustion from crying so much and Tashi was comforting you. "I'm sorry. I thought I could keep her safe. She could've been hurt." You hiccuped while looking at Lily and sobbing harder. "But she didn't because of you sweetie." Art said and locked eyes with you. You could sense he was getting mad. He had every right to be. Who would forget such an important thing like a pass? "Don't do this. Don't stay in your head... Talk to us?" Tashi asked of you when she started to notice you overthinking. "I know you're both mad at me. I would be too! I put Lily in danger-" Art cut you off at that. "Wow, wow, wow... we're not mad at you!" He was quick to explain.
You now had a confused look and Tashi kissed your lips quickly. "You thought we were mad at you, baby?" You nodded and she giggled to lighten the mood. "Oh god no! We're mad at the stupid guard and crazy fans. Come here!" She opened her arms and you sighed in relief. "Okay now, let's all relax a little before my match and then we can head to the field and have a great time. Yeah?" Art said while rubbing Lily's back and smiling at the two of you. You nodded and sat down with Tashi in front of him. She held you closely while you steadied your breathing.
The match had went well. Lily had woken up and was smiling from ear to ear while her dad made points. It was funny seeing her little frown, looking like her mom's, when the other player made his points. In the end, Art had won and you three cheered from the sideline while he was taking his winning pictures.
That night, at the hotel, Tashi put Lily to bed while you were cuddling with Art in yours. He was peppering mindless kisses all across your forehead and whispering sweet nothings. "I love you, Y/n/n. You know that we love you right? Today I got scared. I was mad, not because of you, but because I didn't know how to help you see that it wasn't your fault. I could never be mad at you, sweetie." He explained while locking his gaze with yours. "I know... I love you more though." You tried to admit while Tashi entered the room in her black babydoll. "Now, what has you lying like that?" She smiled mischeviously at you and got on the bed behind you.
This had always been how you all slept. You in the middle, Art to your left and Tashi to your right. Of course, sometimes that arrangement changed... But primarily, that was the one. "I'm not lying." You said with a smile yourself while getting on your knees to face them easily on the bed. "No... I think you're a little liar." Art said while sitting up and putting his hand on your right knee. He looked at you with desire and your mouth opened slightly. "Don't you think so too, Babe?" He asked Tashi who was also sitting up now and held your left knee. "Oh I think she is..."
Art got closer to your face and kissed your lips harshly. He held the back of your neck with his free hand and Tashi caressed your upper left leg while looking at the both of you. "We don't like liars..." She whispered in your ear and you shivered.
What had you done?
#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson#tashi duncan#tashi donaldson#tashi duncan x reader#tashi donaldson x reader#challengers#challengers movie#challengers fanfic#challengers x reader#tashi x reader x art#art x reader x tashi#art donaldson x reader x tashi donaldson#art donaldson x reader x tashi duncan#polyamory#poly!#poly! x reader#poly! x you#tashi x you#tashi donaldson x you#tashi duncan x you
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hiiii. guess who's gotten notably less normal about the life series. anyways take this trader scar. he will help you on your journey
+ rambling under the cut :]
mostly did this as practice but i'm pleased with how it turned out! i'm working on improving my colors, mainly getting them to be more cohesive without using overlays (and focusing a little more on color theory rather than just. picking the colors as i see them) - while it is Far from my best value work, i'm still happy with it!
also if it isn't obvious i got a reference for exactly 0 things on here. especially the sunflowers. most i did was take one (1) glance at my own wheelchair (which, i cannot stress enough, is nothing like this one) to see Vaguely what the undercarriage looks like and then did not look at it again (character design is referenced off of a generalization of the scar designs i've seen in the past, + my own interpretation of his normal skin n his secret life skin! it's definitely subject to change but i like it so far :])
#trafficblr#traffic series#traffic life#life series#secret life smp#secret life fanart#gtws#gtws fanart#goodtimeswithscar#gorvamp art#okay now this is just for my own organization:#ls scar
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all i see is gold - pjs (m)
this work contains smut - minors please do not interact
pairing. jay x fem!reader
synopsis. Pretending to be your number one's rival girlfriend to please his parents isn't how you would usually spend a Thursday night, but you really owe Jay a big one this time. You'd sworn this was just a one-time thing - and yet when his parents ask you to come again, the word 'yes' is out before you can stop it. Before you know it and much to your dismay, your feelings for Jay start to change, and you're in too deep to backtrack.
genre. college au, academic rivals to lovers, fake dating au, rich rich millionaire ceo's son jay x poor ass scholarship part-time job reader
warnings. heeseung is a mega asshole sorry to this man, slight violence like the girls are fighting, these two are pathetically in love w each other it's laughable actually, rich people being annoying slightly and also y/n's friends having way too much knowledge about fanfiction tropes... i like my fourth walls broken
word count. 27.1k
a/n. hi sisters user asahicore is back with another repost because she can't be asked to come up with anything original... sorry! i did add a new scene to this fic for.. character development. hope you guys enjoy it, as always let me know your thoughts otherwise i will find you and hold you at gunpoint, have fun love you stay healthy keep slaying bye bye!
āActually, I think what you just said is complete bull.ā
Jay rolled his eyes for the thousandth time in an hour and a few sniggers were heard around the room.
Your tutor sighed and, in an exhausted tone, asked you to ākeep it polite, please. This is still a classroom setting.ā
āRight, sorry.ā You cleared your throat and sat up straighter. āI completely disagree with your statement, Jongseong. Just because a movie has young teenage girls as its target audience doesnāt mean it is completely insipid and has no value, like youāre insinuating. If you look at Mean Girls, for example-ā
Jay scoffed. āOh please, youāre not actually going to use Mean Gir-ā
āAh, would you look at the time? Class is over,ā your tutor interrupted. āYou can all go home and ponder the riveting discussion Jay and Y/N led today.āĀ
You were pretty sure you heard a general sigh of relief from your classmates. After all, you couldnāt really blame them: it was only the first tutorial of the semester for that course and Jay and you were already at each otherās throats, having something to say about every idea the other put forward, no matter how small.
āOh, and Jay, I do have to side with Y/N here. Thereās a surprising amount of things that can be said about that film,ā your tutor admitted with an apologetic smile. You, however, were harboring a triumphant expression. Nothing better than having the tutor agree with you against Jay.Ā
As you packed your stuff away, mentally patting yourself on the back, Jay approached you, looking visibly annoyed. āSeriously, Y/N? Symbolism in Modern Cinema? Since where do you even care about movies?ā
You gasped dramatically and put your hand over your heart, feigning shock. āWhy, Iām offended that you think youāre the only one whoās allowed to love cinema, Jongseong.ā
āYeah, itās my thing!ā he whined like a child, and you gave him a look that hopefully made him reflect on what heād just said.
You started walking out of the room and he followed, a step behind you. āI mean, thereās no way you didnāt know I was taking this class. Are you like, obsessed with me or something?ā
āYes, Jongseong, thatās exactly the case. Iām sooooo obsessed with you, I took this class just to see you.ā
You were obviously joking, but he looked at you with a smirk and said, āI wouldnāt put it past you. I wouldnāt put it past anyone, to be honest; I mean I am the most good-looking, smartest, richest guy on camp- Ouch! That hurts!ā
You had just punched him in the shoulder, not wanting to listen to his self-indulgent ramblings. āGet your head out of your ass, Park. I just thought it would be an interesting class. Why are you even taking it, anyway? I donāt think a cinema course is gonna teach you much on how to run daddyās company,ā you asked him, a smirk teasing your lips.
He rolled his eyes (you thought they might stay stuck at the back of his head, with how often he did that) and took a tone one might use to speak to a child. āYou see, Y/N, I also major in Visual Studies. Iām not a single honors Econ major like you. Loser.ā
Heād added the last word with a playful smile on his face, purposefully trying to rile you up. You were about to reply with an equally petty remark when you heard your name being called out.Ā
āY/N! Wait up!ā
You could recognize that voice anywhere. Your heart started beating a thousand times a minute and you felt your hands get clammy. As you turned around, you forced a relaxed smile and told yourself to stay calm, but as soon as you made eye contact with the boy, all rational thought left your brain.
āH-hi, Heeseung.ā You heard Jay snort behind you but were too entranced by Heeseungās presence to tell him off.
Clearly enjoying your nervousness, Heeseung smiled at you and bent down so that he came directly face to face with you. āIt was nice seeing you last Friday. You should come to our parties more often, not many people can set fire to the dance floor like you did.ā
Your cheeks had already turned bright red when heād called your name, but now you probably looked as crimson as a fire extinguisher. Over the weekend, youād tried so hard to forget about that party where you had gotten black-out drunk and made a fool of yourself on the dance floor. Sure, youād had a lot of fun, but when you remembered that Heeseung literally lived in the frat house that had hosted the pre-start of term gathering, youād felt so embarrassed and wanted to never have to face him ever again. Yet here he was, and he had obviously seen you.
āO-oh, right, haha. Um, I was pretty drunk, but, yeah, um, it was f-fun.ā You cringed at yourself. Where was the Y/N that had torn down Jayās every argument just moments prior? You were usually self-assured and confident, but whenever you were around Heeseung, you didnāt know how to act.
Heeseung stood up straighter and patted your head. You thanked yourself for having washed your hair that morning. He chuckled and said, āThatās good to hear. Guess Iāll see you around, then?ā
āYeah!ā you replied with a tad too much enthusiasm.Ā
āGreat.ā As he walked past you, you didnāt need to turn around to see the nasty looks exchanged between Heeseung and Jay.Ā
āJongseong.ā
āHeeseung.ā
The venom with which they had spat the otherās name wouldāve sent a chill down your spine any other time, but right now, you were too busy mooning over what had just happened. Like many girls on campus, youād had a crush on him since freshman year; but unlike most, youād never actually tried to do anything about it. Realistically, you could probably bag him - Heeseung could be seen with a different girl at every party and didnāt seem to be too picky about who he finished the night with. But you also couldnāt stand the idea of being just another drunk fuck to him. So, youād never revealed your feelings to him, although he could most definitely see the effect he had on you.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Jay burst into laughter. You turned around and looked at him, arms crossed, waiting for him to be done with an impatient look on your face. When he finally caught his breath, he had tears pooling at his eyes and was holding onto his belly.
āH-hi, Heeseung,ā he breathed, trying to imitate you by making his voice higher in pitch but laughing too hard for it to come out properly.
āThereās nothing funny about this, Jongseong.ā
āOh, but there is, Y/N. And you know what the worst part is? You could do so, so much better than that guy. I mean, heās a Business major, for fuckās sake.ā
āAnd whatās wrong with that?ā you asked hotly, starting to get defensive.
āYouāre studying Econ, Y/N. Dating a Business major, thatās like, the highest betrayal possible.ā
You rolled your eyes at his stupid values and started walking towards the exit of the building, bumping into his shoulder on the way. He started following you again and added, āItās not even just about that, Y/N. You know his reputation, heās clearly bad news. Thereās no point in liking a guy like that.ā
Because you knew how much he hated it, you always made sure to call him Jongseong instead of Jay. But right now, you didnāt feel like joking around. You turned around abruptly, Jay almost bumping into you, and looked at him pointedly. āLook, Jay, I know you and Heeseung have this weird competition between the two of you of whose dad can make more money. But that doesnāt give you the right to tell me I shouldnāt like him.ā And with a mumble, you added, āI canāt help liking him, okay?ā
You went on your way again and Jay caught up with you so that the two of you were now walking side by side. Sighing, he said, āWhatever. When he inevitably hurts you, though, Iāll say I told you so.ā
ā
After flipping off Jay as your way of saying goodbye, you joined your friends in the cafeteria. You told them about your encounter with Heeseung, and as much as they wanted to support you, they couldnāt help but think your behavior at the party on Friday was hilarious.Ā
āI wasnāt gonna show this to anyone, but I canāt hold it in anymoreā¦ā Sunoo said, pulling out his phone.
It wasnāt hard to guess what he might be hiding in there, so you quickly protested, āItās been three days, Sunoo. Iām sure you can hold in whatever it is longer than that.ā
He looked at you with a sheepish smile and said, as if he didnāt have a choice but to show everyone, āItās so funny though.ā
Sieun and Keeho were urging him to show them, so you just hung your head as Sunoo pressed play. You didnāt even need to look at the video to know what it was: even in his drunken state, Sunoo had had the foresight to film you as you danced like there was no tomorrow, knowing this was a special occasion. Your friends tried to reassure you that you didnāt look that bad and you just seemed to be having fun, but the sniggers they tried to hold back in vain told you otherwise.
Keeho seemed to take pity on you when seeing your defeated expression. āY/N, I promise you itās not that bad. You were very obviously drunk, and so was everyone else. If anybody remembers this, theyāre probably thinking that you were fucking awesome. Canāt you see how everyone is cheering you on in the video?ā
With an exasperated sigh, you replied, āI donāt care that everybody saw me. I care that Heeseung did. I only started drinking that much because I thought itād help me relax and talk to him. I didnāt think Iād go wild on the dance floor.ā
Your friends exchanged a look and immediately burst into laughter. You wanted to get mad at them, but even you had to admit the whole situation was pretty funny. You let them make as much fun of you as their hearts desired, then, to change the subject, told them about the tutorial you had in the morning with Jay and how much fun it had been arguing with him.
Sieun was looking at you thoughtfully, until she said, āYou know, I think itāsā¦ā she paused for a second, trying to find the right word, āinteresting, how much effort you put into getting into the same class as Jay when you couldāve directed that energy towards getting into one of Heeseungās class.ā
The sudden statement took you aback. āWell, I wouldnāt say I put that much effort into itā¦ā you stammered in an attempt to defend yourself.
āY/N,ā Keeho started, an accusatory tone to his words, āyou literally asked Jake to tell you what courses he was taking this semester and when his tutorials were, and when you somehow managed to be enrolled in a class thatās supposed to be reserved for Visual Studies students, you emailed the tutor to make sure youād be in the same group as Jay. Iād say that requires some effort.ā
You huffed, mildly offended. āI- Well- I just thought itād be fun to argue with him about something else than economics, you know. Thereās only so much to say about that.ā Your friends didnāt look very convinced. āPlus, there are no classes that Heeseungās taking that seemed interesting, and even if they were and I managed to get into them, I just wouldāve stuttered trying to answer easy questions. At least if Iām in a class with Jay, I know itāll be fun.ā
After that last sentence, Sieun looked at you like you had proven her point. What a smartass, you thought. What was she even trying to prove?Ā
āIs no one gonna say it?ā Sunoo asked, bewildered, looking around at your friends. āIt sounds like you like him, Y/N.ā
Oh.
Your automatic response was to go, āPfffft,ā but when Sieun and Keeho didnāt disagree with Sunoo, you looked at them, wide-eyed. āAre you guys serious? I donāt like Park Jongseong, thatās ridiculous.ā
Sure, you liked arguing with Jay, that wasnāt a secret. That didnāt mean you liked him, or anything like that. Just the thought made you shiver. Dating Jay had never even occurred to you; as soon as youād met, you had taken on a rival-like relationship, arguing about everything and anything. Sure, he was smart, and not too bad-looking, and he was really rich, and when he wanted he could actually be quite nice - but that was not the point! Most of the time, he was just annoying and argued with you for no reason other than to rile you up, and had the most unreasonable opinions youād ever heard. He took his wealth for granted and sometimes came across as so privileged it made you want to puke.
Sieun took your hands in hers and tried to convince you with her eyes, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. āBut think about it, Y/N. Itās the enemies to lovers trope!ā
You snatched your hands out from her grip and gave her a pointed look. āThis isnāt Wattpad, Sieun, this is real life. And Jay and I arenāt enemies, weāre merely rivals.ā
āEven better!ā she exclaimed.
āI completely agree with Sieun,ā Sunoo said. āY/N, youāre such a rivals to lovers type of gal.ā You rolled your eyes, but Keeho was fervently nodding his head in agreement.
āBy the way, did you guys hear about his parentsā company throwing a fundraiser?ā Keeho said. This piqued your interest, but after your friendsā accusations, you couldnāt look too excited about anything Jay-related, so you nonchalantly asked him to go on. āItās for some charity, theyāve invited all the big names, and apparently itās gonna be huge so they need some people to waiter. Iām thinking of applying. It pays really well and itās gonna be so fancy. Itās not like Iāve got much else to do that night anyway.ā
āWhen is it?ā you asked, still trying not to sound too interested.
āFriday in two weeks.ā
āWell, if itās a Friday, Iāll be getting wasted, so count me out,ā Sunoo replied.
āIād come, but the idea of serving rich people as they give out ten thousand dollars when they could give a million and it wouldnāt even affect them in the slightest, not to mention having to do it with a smile on my face, makes my skin crawl, so no thanks,ā Sieun said. She wasnāt wrong, but this was also Jayās parents you were talking about. Not only would Jay be there, and your presence would surely piss him off, but his dadās company was one of the top of the country and being introduced to their world, maybe even getting to know some people there, even just as a waitress, could really benefit you in the long-term. Youād never admit it to him, but youād been dreaming of working there ever since youād first heard of it. Nothing might come out of this, but it was worth trying.
āWhat about you, Y/N? You in?ā
You looked at Keeho and said, āYeah, letās do it.ā
ā
The next time you saw Jay was for your Economics of Cities and Regions lecture a couple days later. As appropriate of the top students, you two always sat at the very front row along with only a few other brave students. Keeho was always bugging you to sit with him at the back, but you liked being able to look the professor in the eye so they could see how much attention you were paying to them. You listened carefully to the whole lecture, and when it ended, you turned to Jay and called his name in a sickly sweet voice, smiling as warmly as you could. He turned to you with a horrified look on his face.
āPlease never do that again.ā
Your smile instantly dropped. You shouldāve known there was no point trying to be nice to him. āSo, Iāve heard about your dadās firmās fundraiserā¦ā
Before you could even finish your sentence, he interrupted you. āNo. No way. Youāre not working there. Nope. Not happening.ā
āWhat? Why not?ā
āBecause this is an important night for me to make myself known as the CEO in line and I canāt have you distracting me.ā
You didnāt question why he considered you a distraction and just pressed further. āCāmon! I promise I wonāt be in your way.ā He looked at you as if to say I donāt believe you. āI need the money.ā
āThen get a part-time job.ā
āI already have one! And it doesnāt pay very well.ā
He looked at you and crossed his arms over his chest. No, you didnāt notice how his shirt tightened around his biceps. Shut up. Exasperated, he asked, āDo you even know what this fundraiser is for?ā
That hadnāt even crossed your mind. Why did you need to know what it was for? All you needed was to work there and make some money. You just shrugged āNo.ā
He rolled his eyes at you. āYouāre unbelievable. Itās to help students in need of scholarships. You know how my parents sometimes pay for studentsā tuition fees? Well,ā he sighed, and started to pack up his stuff. āThis is to encourage CEOs of other companies to do the same. Theyāve invited a few students to talk about why scholarships are important for them.ā
Interesting, you thought. Itād have been nice to be one of those students, but being a waitress was already good enough. Youād have to be quicker to get the role next time. āIāll be part of the waitering team, so I wonāt embarrass you, donāt worry.ā
After a beat, Jay asked, āWhy are you even telling me this? I can say no all I want, Iām not the one deciding on the staff. Iād just really, really appreciate it if you didnāt come.ā
You eyed him for a second until realization hit you. Right. It wasnāt like Jay had any say in this, so why were you trying to get him to agree? It had just seemed natural to you that youād talk to him about this.
You shook your head and said, āWell, Iām gonna go anyway. I just thought I should let you know. That way you know youāre gonna need to bring your best game to impress me.ā
You noticed Keeho waving his arm impatiently at you, waiting for you to leave the lecture theater. Jay watched you walk away, and he couldnāt stop the smile spreading on his face.Ā
ā
āSoā¦ Y/N will probably be working at the fundraiser,ā Jay said, looking down at his notes. As on most days, Jake and Sunghoon were over at his place, half-studying, half-messing around.
The two boys in front of him groaned in unison. He raised his head and added defensively, āWhat? Iāve barely said anything yet.ā
āYeah, but youāre talking about Y/N. Again,ā Jake said, as if stating the obvious.
āYou know, Iām actually surprised heās managed to not mention her for that long. Itās been what, fifteen minutes since we got here?ā Sunghoon half-joked.
Used to his friendsā teasing, Jay ignored them and continued. āOn any other occasion, Iād be more than happy to have her aroundā - cue another groan from Jake and Sunghoon - ābut I really have to impress my parents and all the guests that evening. If I donāt, Iām gonna have to work twice as hard.ā
Indulging his friendās rant, Jake asked, āWhatās wrong with her being there? Sheās not gonna go around and tell everyone youāre a little shit as she hands them champagne glasses.ā
Jay rolled his eyes. āNo, of course not, but Iām gonna be hyper-aware of her presence and I donāt want it to distract me.ā A third groan. āPlus, I donāt like the idea of her being there as a waitress. She should be with the students who talk to the guests, she deserves it more than anybody I know.ā
After a beat, Sunghoon, with gracious subtlety and tact as always, added, āYou know, if you had just manned up and asked her out in freshman year when you still had the chance, maybe you couldāve taken her to the fundraiser as your girlfriend and not have her go there as a waitress. Just saying.ā
āItās 2022, Sunghoon, nobody says things like āman upā anymore.ā
āYou dumbass, is that all youāre hearing from what I just said-ā
āWhat I think Sunghoon is trying to say,ā Jake cut in, āis that this could have been avoided had you had the guts to tell her how you feel. But rest assured, my friend, it can still happen. No such thing as too late.ā
āYou always say that, but how the fuck am I supposed to ask her out when sheās only ever seen me as her rival? Plus, sheās head over heels for that prick.ā
Sensing that Sunghoon was getting ready to deliver another one of his punchlines, Jake quickly replied. āWho cares about Heeseung? It wouldnāt be hard to make her see what an asshole he is. And once thatās done, you can just give her the Park charm,ā he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Sunghoon fake gagged at the thought of his friend trying to flirt, and even Jay had to admit he hated how Jake had formulated his sentence. āThatās all I do though. As soon as we met, we got into arguing, and thatās just how we communicate now. She wants competition, so I give her competition. I donāt know what else to do.ā
His friends sighed, unsure what to tell him after having had the same conversation hundreds of times. āDid you ask her why she took that cinema course? I thought it was weird she asked me for all that info. She wanted me to keep hush-hush about it, too,ā Jake asked.
Jay thought for a second, then answered, āI did ask her if she was obsessed with me.ā A fourth, deserved, groan. āShe just said she thought the class seemed interesting. She didnāt even know I was a double major, by the way.ā
Jake and Sunghoon chuckled, both thinking but not daring to say that, indeed, no one knew Jay also majored in Visual Studies. The three boys continued chatting for a while until they fell into silence and finally started getting some work done.
Jay managed to get you out of his head for a couple hours, but when his friends left and he was alone, his thoughts immediately drifted back to you. When the two of you first met in freshman year, you had become instant rivals, both top of your class, and always disagreeing on everything. He hadnāt minded the dynamic at first: he thought your ideas and the conversations that stemmed from them were always interesting, and he had a lot of respect for you. He wanted to know why you thought that way or what made you say certain things, and soon enough he wanted to know everything about you. Heād noticed things like how you chewed on your pen when you were in deep reflection, or how youād look intently at anyone who was talking, as if you were making mental bullet points of their arguments only to break them down afterwards. When he finally realized his feelings for you (not without help from Jake and Sunghoon, who thought he couldnāt get any more obvious), he felt like your rivalry-almost-turned-friendship had gone too far, and youād think he was stupid for liking you. It didnāt help that your confident attitude always broke down in front of his arch nemesis Lee Heeseung, making it painfully clear that you had a crush on him.
That night, he kept tossing and turning in his bed, trying to fall asleep. He hated the idea of you having to be there as a waitress, handing out drinks and mini toasts to entitled guests who probably wouldnāt even look at you. There had to be a few strings he could pull, right?
ā
In all twenty years of your life, you had never been to a place like this. As soon as youād entered the lobby of the building in which the fundraiser took place, youād been overwhelmed by the sheer extravagance of the room. Every surface was shiny marble, the ceilings were at least fifteen meters high and the whole place was lit up by tiny wall lamps. You were almost scared to see what the actual ballroom would look like.
The fundraiser started at 8:00 p.m. but the staff had been advised to come earlier to prepare everything. You went further in, and now that you had somehow acclimated to your surroundings, you noticed how busy everyone was. People were running around, going from the kitchen to the back room to the main hall in quick strides. You tried getting one womanās attention, hoping she could direct you to where you were supposed to go.
āSorry, hi, where do the wai-ā
She stopped dead in her tracks and barely looked at you as she whipped out a sheet of paper from her blouse pocket and asked for your name.
āUm, Y/N-ā
She checked something off and looked up at you and smiled. āGreat, follow me.ā You had no time to ask anything else before she swiveled on her heels again and marched towards another room, you in tow behind her. āWeāve got a script ready for you. You just need to learn it in time for tonight and then use your charm on the guests. Oh, and donāt worry about your outfit and all that, weāve got it covered. Good luck!ā And with that, she was off.Ā
Script? Outfit? What was all this about? You panic-texted Keeho, telling him some lady had dragged you somewhere and told you to learn a whole script. When he didnāt answer after five minutes, you assumed he must be busy helping out, but it made you panic even more. You looked around the room and noticed a girl you thought you recognized from one of your classes. You walked up to her, and after saying hi, asked her what the hell was going on here.
She looked at you a bit oddly, as if it didnāt make sense you didnāt know where you were, but clarified things nonetheless. āBasically, the six of us are going to be wearing these tags so that the guests know who we are, and weāre gonna give them a pity story about how weāre so poor but also so smart and able to change the world if only they give us money. Thatās what the script is for, it just makes it a bit nicer.ā Right, thatās what Jay had told you. But why were you here when you had signed up to be a waitress? It was what you had wished for, but it made no sense whatsoever.
Registering your still confused expression, the girl went on, āTheyāre also gonna give us nice outfits and make us look more presentable. But not too much, you know, cause a thousand dollar gown wouldnāt really fit with the scholarship kid aesthetic.ā You laughed with her. You had to admit the whole situation was a bit ridiculous, but if it could help you out, you would take it. You had needed to take out a loan when you started studying, and the enormous debt you would be in as soon as you stepped out of college already stressed you out.
You learned your script, which was actually just more like detailed examples of the things you should say and what direction your conversations with the guests should take, until somebody called out your name, telling you it was time to get you ready. You were led to another room which was full of clothing racks holding fancy dresses and suits. Your immediate thought was that the clothes in this one room were probably worth more than your entire house.Ā
You could only admire the room for a few moments before a stylist threw a dress in your arms and practically pushed you into a dressing room. You took a good look at black dress before putting it on. It wasnāt overly fancy; the girl you had talked to was right, it wouldnāt make sense for you to look like you were the richest person there. With its modest cleavage and mid-thigh length, it was what you assumed to be formal enough for this type of event, and surprisingly fit you like a glove. It made you look put-together and accentuated your features in the subtlest way.Ā
When you walked out of the dressing room, the stylist eyed you up and down, adjusting the dress here and there, then stepped back and mumbled absent-mindedly, as if thinking out loud, āWow, he does have good taste.ā
You didnāt have the time to ask her what she meant as she had already turned away, looking for jewelry to finish off your outfit. The earrings, necklace and ring she gave you werenāt huge 20 carat diamonds, but youād never worn such delicate jewelry before, you were almost too scared to move with them on you in fear of breaking them. The stylist, however, didnāt seem too fussed, and as soon as she was done, said, āWell, thatās all for me. Off you go to hair and makeup now!ā
Hair and makeup? You were going to get your hair and makeup done by professionals? You felt like a celebrity. Your whole life, your mom had cut your hair, and you bought your makeup at the drugstore.Ā
While they didnāt make you look like a Hunger Games Capitol citizen, when they were done with you, the reflection that looked back at you in the mirror was uncanny. You were still you, there was no doubt about that, but you looked like a perfect version of yourself, which only makeup expertly applied could create. Although theyād never seen you before, the makeup artist had managed to accentuate or make disappear lines you had never noticed on your face before, and the hair stylist had done your hair in a simple but very flattering manner, letting it cascade naturally down your shoulders.
The stylists let you admire yourself for a few moments, knowing you probably werenāt used to such pampering, but soon ushered you out to the ballroom; the fundraiser was just about to start, and you needed to be there for the beginning of it. You were made to sit at a table with the other students at the front, close to the stage. An organizer came to see you and explained how the evening was going to go down. Most of the evening would be spent standing, chatting to the guests and persuading them to donate, except when the main course was served. There was no fixed seating chart, so you could go with whomever invited you to sit with them. All in all, your goal was to be as likable as possible, and get guests to understand why scholarships were important without sounding desperate, just like the script indicated.
Tapping your foot nervously, you watched as more people trickled in, each looking richer than the previous. Soon enough, the whole room was seated, and a man you recognized as Jayās dad arrived on the stage, welcomed by polite applause. You listened intently to his welcome speech, and you could see Jayās presence and charisma in him; every word of his seemed to be thought out and to have purpose. He did a spectacular job at kicking off the fundraiser, and you were clapping enthusiastically when he was done, not expecting what he was about to do.Ā
With an extended hand, he pointed at you and the five students you were sitting with. āOf course, this wouldnāt be possible without these six brilliant students whom we have the honor of welcoming tonight. Would you all come up on stage with me?ā he asked warmly, although you knew it wasnāt really a question. You all looked at each other bemusedly, but you didnāt have much of a choice, so you all got up and walked up the stairs to the stage.
You hadnāt realized how many people were attending until you were standing right in front of them. The bright spots lighting the stage made it hard to distinguish anyoneās face in the crowd, which only made your position more intimidating to you. Thankfully, you didnāt have to introduce yourself; Jayās dad did it for you, and after a few minutes, you were free to walk off the stage and start mingling with the guests. Whew.
As soon as the six of you stepped off the stage, guests started approaching you, engaging you in conversation right away. You were a bit taken aback, but remembering you needed to be perfect tonight, you put on the most genuine smile you could muster. Them coming to you was better than having to chase after them.Ā
An hour and a half passed, and you had been engrossed in so many conversations that you hadnāt noticed so much time had already gone. The only time your attention had been pulled out was when Keeho came to your group, offering you toasts of caviar and bubbly champagne, and discreetly (or at least as discreetly as Keeho could be, which wasnāt very) gave you a wide-eyed look, which you returned. You had no idea why you werenāt working like him either.Ā
When somebody announced the main course would soon be served, a lot of guests went to sit down, so you were now stuck with the most pretentious man you had ever talked to. All the other guests, no matter how rich or famous or successful they were, had managed to stay somewhat humble and not flaunt how much higher they were in society than you, but it seemed that it was all this man knew how to do. You knew you needed to stay polite even in front of scum like him, but it was hard giving him your undivided attention when he was going on and on about basic economic principles you had learned in your first year of college. Your eyes started drifting around the room, until they fell on a certain someone.
Lee Heeseung was here. Of course he was; his parents, although they were rivals to the Park family, were still huge names in your countryās economy, and they couldnāt not be here tonight. Heeseungās presence wasnāt required, but you imagined it couldnāt hurt his image to be seen by many adults at a gathering like this one. He was standing by the bar, talking to a girl who was clearly trying to flirt with him, but he didnāt seem to be into her. You hadnāt meant to stare, but his eyes soon met yours. You immediately felt heat rise to your cheeks. He didnāt break eye contact, even when he replied to whatever the girl was saying. His eyes started drifting down from your face to your body, as if he was undressing you with his gaze. You opened your mouth and let out a small gasp at the sheer indecency of the way he was looking at you. The sound you made made you snap out of your daze, and you turned your attention back to the man in front of you, who hadnāt even noticed you werenāt listening to him anymore, so enthralled he was by his own conversation.
You excused yourself, not wanting to be in Heeseungās sight anymore. You werenāt sure what to make of the interaction - you loved the idea of Heeseung paying so much attention to you, but there was something about the setting and the fact that he was talking with another girl the whole time which made you a bit uncomfortable. Disheveled, you sat down at the nearest table, not paying much attention to who was there.
āEverything alright, miss Y/N?ā
That voice was too familiar. Of course, you just had to sit next to Jayās dad, a.k.a. one of the richest CEOs in the country, a.k.a. the man behind this fundraiser. You changed your expression from distressed to spirited, not wanting him to think you werenāt handling tonight well. Before you could say anything to reassure him, he added, āNot easy, is it, entertaining so many people? Iām sure youāll get used to it.ā
Relief immediately washed over you. You looked down and said, āIt hasnāt been too bad, just depends on the person youāre talking to.ā
He chuckled. āI thought I saw you talking to CEO Jung. Or rather, CEO Jung talking at you. Sorry about him, heās just the kind of person you have to learn to deal with.ā
You continued talking to Mr Park, and he even invited you to stay at his table when the main course was served. He was surprisingly easy to converse with; he intently listened to you, even though he probably met infinitely more interesting people than you every day, and bounced off of your words naturally. You wondered how such an easy-going man could give birth to an argumentative boy like Jay.
You suddenly wondered where Jay was. You hadnāt seen him all evening, and he wasnāt sitting at his dadās table either. You assumed heād be busy with other people, but you couldnāt help being curious about his whereabouts. Not wanting to look around the room searching for him and appear disinterested in his dad, you just asked him directly if he knew where his son was.
Mr Park quirked an eyebrow and asked, āOh, you know my son?ā
āYes, weāve had a lot of classes together since freshman year,ā you explained.
He seemed deep in thought for a second, until he started slowly nodding his head as if heād just figured something out. āOf course, youāre Y/N. I knew that name was familiar.ā
Why would your name be familiar to Jayās dad? āOh, did Jay mention me or some-ā
Before you could finish your sentence, Mr Park said, āAh, there he is,ā gaze directed behind your shoulder. And indeed, as you turned around, you saw Jay coming towards your table.
Ā āDad, mind if I steal Y/N for a second?ā
āSheās all yours,ā he replied, sending a wink his sonās way. You looked at Jay and he seemed just as confused about his dadās words as you. But then his eyes found yours and he motioned for you to get up and follow him with a tilt of his head.
āIt was really nice talking to you, Mr Park, thank you so much for your time.ā
āOf course. It was lovely meeting you, Y/N. Iām sure weāll see each other soon enough,ā he said with a knowing smile.Ā
You didnāt even try figuring out what he meant, and just walked with Jay as he took you to a quieter area of the ballroom. Most people had finished eating and had stood up again, so youād needed to weave through them, and Jay put a hand on your lower back to guide you better. You ignored the warmth that spread on your skin where he touched you, blaming it on the glasses of champagne youād had.Ā
When youād reached a spot where you could talk easily, he turned towards you with a smirk. āI canāt believe youāre already charming your way up to my dad. Youāre definitely ambitious, Y/N.ā
You rolled your eyes but then remembered where you were and thought it might be best to not give in to Jayās taunts here, so you kept your voice low when you replied. āI didnāt even do it on purpose. I just sat there, and he happened to already be at the table.ā
His smirk only grew wider. āRight.ā Then he stepped back a bit, and took a good look at you. Unlike Heeseungās gaze earlier, the way Jay looked at you in that moment, like you were the only thing worth looking at in this beautiful ballroom, made butterflies erupt in your stomach. God, you really had had too much champagne. āI knew that dress would look good on you.ā
You shouldāve been flustered by the compliment, but you were too confused by Jayās words: how could he have known about this? Why did he make it sound like he had chosen the dress? The stylistās words from earlier suddenly pop up in your mind: āhe does have good taste.ā There was also the fact that you had applied to work as a waitress tonight but ended up as one of the scholarship students. Slowly, things started piecing together in your mind, and you looked up at the well-dressed, smirking boy in front of you in disbelief.
āJay. Did you do this?ā
āDo what?ā he said, an innocent tone to his voice, but a mischievous look in his eyes.
Your eyes widened and you lightly slapped his arm. āYou did! I- You- Ugh. Thanks, I guess,ā you muttered, looking down at your shoes. You were beyond grateful, but your ego stopped you from being too showy about it.
He smiled at you, and you ignored how much you loved it. āIt was no big deal. Just had to change your name from the waitering group to the student reps. Took me two seconds,ā he said, following your gaze down, bashfully admitting to helping you out.
āWhyād you do it?ā
Because youāre the most amazing person Iāve ever met and the world should know about it, was his immediate thought. But of course, heād never say that out loud, so he opted for, āI just felt bad for you, really. I know you like to think of us as rivals, so I thought the least I could do was to put us on equal footing tonight.ā
Although you had a feeling he wasnāt telling you everything, you werenāt going to press any further. You chatted for a bit longer, the both of you enjoying a relaxed conversation after hours on being on your best behavior, and your ability of talking normally to Jay and not wanting to claw his eyes out surprised you, not to mention the fact that you wereā¦ enjoying yourself.
āAnyway, Iām doing the closing speech soon. Iām gonna be awesome, so look closely, yeah?ā You knew he wanted to look cool, but you thought he sounded like an excited kid who was about to put on a show for his family. How cute, you thought, and immediately chased that thought away from your brain. That damn champagne mustāve been laced with something.
You both went back into the crowd, and quickly your name was called out by someone you had talked to earlier who wanted to introduce you to someone else. You quickly waved goodbye at Jay, a smile on your face. If anybody had seen him, they wouldāve noticed how his cheeks fired up and how he waved excitedly back at you.
And indeed, he had been seen.
His dad had been talking with one of his business partners, but tried to keep some of his attention on you and Jay. He couldnāt help but be curious as to why his son, who had previously never expressed any romantic interest in anyone, was suddenly making sure you attended the fundraiser as a student rep and not a waitress, and why heād even gone the extra mile and chosen your dress for you. He hadnāt missed the way his sonās face lit up when he was talking to you, and how his gaze lingered on you as you walked away. But he also hadnāt missed how youād followed Jay without hesitation, and how relaxed youād looked talking to him. He thought the both of you acted as if it was just you two in a room full to the brim with people. When his wife joined him at the table, heād told her about their sonās unusual behavior, and she said that she had noticed him looking around as if searching for someone a few times during the evening. They exchanged a knowing smile.
Heeseung had also noticed Jay leading you away from the crowd, and had intently watched your interaction, not even trying to make the girl he was talking to think he was still paying attention to her. He knew you had a crush on him; you couldnāt make it any more obvious. But he also knew how comfortable, how yourself you were around Jay; heād seen the two of you banter around campus, always arguing about something, whether it was the new law that was being put into place or whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not. Heeseung wasnāt stupid, heād seen enough rom-coms to know that the girl always ended up with the friend she joked around with and not the hot popular guy that made her feel nervous.
Jay and him had been rivals since he could remember, and not rivals like you and Jay, but proper rivals, who actually had to fight for something. Well, technically, it was their fathers who were competing as CEOs of some of the top firms in the country, but since they were bound to take their place at some point, it had felt like their competition as well. Nothing was off-limits when it came to their rivalry, and you were most definitely not an exception, not to Heeseung. He couldnāt stand seeing Jay have something he didnāt. At that moment, he made up his mind.
Heeseung had to have you.
But before that, Jay needed to give his closing speech. As soon as heād stepped on the stage, the chatter started to quiet down, and everyone turned their attention to him. Much like you earlier, he hadnāt realized how bright the lights were when standing onstage. He could only see over a hundred people staring right at him, and his confident demeanor from moments ago crumbled at his feet. He scanned the crowd for your face, desperately needing something, or rather someone, to anchor him. When his eyes finally found yours, he felt strength regaining his body. His mother followed his gaze and found you looking right at her son, sending a reassuring smile and thumbs-up his way.
Jayās speech went very smoothly, and everybody congratulated him for it as they left the room.
ā
Back home after a stressful but rewarding evening, all Jay wanted to do was take a shower and pass out in bed. But his parents had other plans.
āSoā¦ā started his mother, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
āSo?ā Jay asked, already fearing whatever his mom was about to say.
āY/Nās a nice girl,ā she simply stated, hoping Jayās reaction would give her more to go on.
And oh boy did it. He immediately started blushing and stuttering at the sudden mention of your name. He knew youād spoken with his father at the fundraiser, but he hadnāt thought his mom would bring you up.
āY-Y/N? Yeah, I guess. But what about her?ā he said, looking away and trying to sound uninterested, but blatantly failing.
His parents exchanged a look. āCāmon, son,ā his dad picked up, āyou donāt need to hide something like that from us. Weāre very happy that youāve found a nice girlfriend like Y/N.ā
A niceā¦ girlfriend? Had Jay heard that correctly? His parents thought you two wereā¦ dating?Ā
As he stared at them wide-eyed and mouth agape, they just chuckled softly at him. āItās okay, Jay, really. She made a dazzling impression on all of the guests tonight, and on us. Sheās exactly the kind of person you should be dating, so donāt worry about us getting in your way of anything. We approve of your relationship.ā
Jay started laughing in disbelief, and his parents just took it as a sign of his relief. If only they knew. āRight,ā he said between chuckles, āthanks, guys.ā
Why he didnāt deny what his parents were saying was beyond him. A part of him didnāt want to disappoint them by telling them the truth - his mother had always urged him to get a girlfriend, saying he wouldnāt have the time for dating later on in his career, that he should enjoy his college years as much as he could. Another part of him loved the idea of dating you, and it hurt him too much to shatter that thought.
So he just nodded along, saying he was glad they liked you.
āWe really did,ā said his father. āIn fact, you should bring her over for dinner sometime this week. Itād be nice getting to know her in a less formal setting, donāt you think? Ask her what she likes, Iāll ask the chef to cook it specially for her.ā
āS-sure,ā Jay said, already panicking - heād either have to come up with an excuse as to why you couldnāt come to dinner, or with ways to convince you to be his pretend-girlfriend for a night. If he actually did ask you, heād have to be very careful about it, otherwise itād end up with you trying to pull his hair out.
What the hell had he gotten himself into?
ā
At 10:43 a.m. the next day, you were waiting for Jay in front of the library. Right when you were about to turn your bedside lamp off, youād received a text from him, asking to meet. Apparently, there was something he needed to tell you, and whatever it was, you were absolutely dreading it. Jay always had a lot of things to say, but heād never felt the need before to warn you in advance that he needed to tell you something. Those kinds of messages were never very pleasant, and even less so when they came from Park Jongseong. Rereading the messages, you really couldnāt figure out what was so important that required you to take a break from your weekly Saturday morning study sessions.
00:44 archnemesis: Hey Y/N
00:44 archnemesis: Are you still up?
00:44 you: do NOT fuckboy text me jongseong
00:44 archnemesis: Sorry
00:45 you: go away im trying to sleep
00:45 archnemesis: Not trying hard enough obviously
00:45 you: shut up
00:45 you: what do u want
00:45 archnemesis: I need to tell you something.
00:45 archnemesis: Can we meet up tomorrow morning?
00:46 you: wtf
00:46 you: what is it ???
00:47 you: cant u just tell me now??
00:49 you: jay ???
00:49 archnemesis: Um.
00:49 archnemesis: Iāll tell you tomorrow!
00:49 archnemesis: :D
0:49 archnemesis: library 10:45?
0:50 you: ughhhhh
00:50 you: yeah whatever
00:50 you: this better be worth it istg
00:51 archnemesis: Good night Y/N <3
00:51 you: EWWWW
Youād stayed awake for a while after that, trying to figure out whatever it was he needed to tell you, but the only thing you were sure about was that it had something to do with the fundraiser, since heād texted you after it. Had he finally realized how superior in every aspect you were to him and would finally bow down to you? That seemed pretty unlikely. Did one of the guests there really like you and had spontaneously decided to pay for your studies and offer you an internship at their company? Were they impressed by your intellect and wanted you to become their kidsā private tutor? Possible. Or even better, maybe it was Jayās parents whose attention you had particularly caught, and they wanted to reward you in some way. Maybe they thought you were amazing and that youād be a perfect girlfriend for their son, and Jay, ever the daddyās boy, would now shower you with gifts and attention in order to capture your heart.
Ha, as if, you thought, laughing to yourself. It was a lot less funny when Jay told you about the little misunderstanding.
You were sitting at the library cafĆ© with Jay, whoād wanted to postpone delivering the news as much as possible and had bribed you with the promise of free hot coffee. Well, free for you, at least. Not that a coffee would create much of a dent in his bank account. After five minutes of chit-chatting, you were getting annoyed with him and didnāt understand why he was being so uncharacteristically awkward and asked him to cut straight to the chase. When he told you his parents thought you were his girlfriend and wanted to have you over for dinner this week, it took all you had to not spit the coffee right in his face. Not only was it ridiculous, it was practically exactly what you had imagined.
āAre you kidding me, Jongseong? I can barely pretend to be your friend, how the hell am I gonna pretend to be your girlfriend?ā
Your words were like bullets piercing right through his body, but he had to ignore the pain, telling himself you were just shocked by the sudden news. āIām sorry, Y/N, I just- I panicked, and I didnāt know how to tell them the truth. They seemed so happy,ā he said, head hung low. You knew he was genuinely sorry, because heād almost never actually said those words to you, so he had to mean them. The only other time you could think of was when heād dropped his water bottle all over your laptop. The next day, heād offered you a brand new MacBook with all of his notes already downloaded on it.
You sighed, unsure what to make of the whole situation. At any other time, your first reaction wouldāve been to flip Jay off and tell him to get out of his own mess, but you felt like you owed him after what heād done for you at the fundraiser. Even though he made it seem like no big deal, it still meant a lot to you that youād gotten to spend the evening making yourself known to the guests and not serving them smoked salmon toasts, and that was all thanks to him.
āI guess I do owe you one, Jongseong.ā His head snapped up and he looked at you with the most hopeful eyes youād ever seen. āBut before you get carried away,ā you warned, āthis is a one-time thing. Find an excuse, say we broke up or whatever. Fake dating is like, the most predictable trope ever,ā you said, remembering all the heated discussions youād had on the topic with Sieun.
But Jay paid no attention to that last sentence - he leapt up from his chair and came over to your side, engulfing you in a surprisingly warm hug. He muttered thank you over and over into your hair before realizing hugging wasnāt something you guys did and he might have just made things way worse. To his relief, when he took a sudden step back, you didnāt look upset at all, but rather amused at his sudden burst of excitement.Ā
He returned to his seat and cleared his throat. āRight. Thanks a lot, Y/N. My dad likes to have family dinners on Thursdays, so itāll probably be then. Iāll, uh, Iāll take you there, so donāt worry about that.ā
You chuckled at him. āYou know Iāll never let you live this down, right?ā
He sighed and shook his head, saying, āI know. But Iād rather have that than disappoint my parents, to be honest.ā He smiled at you as if to take away some of the gravity of what heād just said. You thought it wasnāt something he wanted to delve into, so you took a sip of your coffee and brought up the topic of this weekās tutorial for your cinema class, knowing it was a surefire way to start an argument with him.Ā
ā
On Monday at lunch, you were sitting at the cafeteria with your friends. Keeho was telling them how fancy youād looked and how youād managed to charm everyone.
āI feel like I should be jealous, but what you did looked a lot more tiring than what I did, to be honest. When youāre a waiter at that kind of event, those rich people donāt even register your presence, so they just say the wildest shit in front of you. Apparently, CEO Cha is having an affair with CEO Liuās wife, whoever they are.ā
You chuckled at your friend, feeling even more thankful towards Jay that you didnāt have to spend your evening like that. The four of you continued chatting, which mainly consisted of complaining about how you already had so much work only two weeks into the semester. You were intently listening to the niche topic Sieun was learning about in her Bio class when someone dropped a bag on the table right next to your tray. The letters āGucciā were written on it in the iconic but simple font.
Your gaze went from the bag to the person holding it, and of course, it was none other than Park Jongseong himself.
āHey, Y/N. Hey, guys,ā he said, giving your friends a simple nod. They all replied with a confused hi. You were just staring at Jay, wondering what he was doing here.
āI got you something for Thursday night,ā he explained. āGotta wow the parents, you know?ā he added with a wink.
āUh-huhā was your very clever reply. You could feel your friendsā gaze ping-ponging between you and Jay.
Jay looked around the table, an awkward silence spreading between everyone. He cleared his throat. āWell, let me know if it fits or not. See you around.ā And with that, he was gone as quickly as heād arrived. You turned back to your friends, and their confused faces echoed your own.Ā
āWhat are you waiting for?ā Sunoo nudged your arm. āTake a look inside!ā
You took the bag on your lap and pulled out a magnificent green satin dress that was a lot more elegant than the one youād worn at the fundraiser. You guessed Jay really did want for you to make a good impression on his parents. It seemed to be quite long and to not show too much skin, which you appreciated. You could only hope it would look as good on you as it did seeing it like this.
As soon as youād taken it out, youād heard your friends gasp.Ā
āOh.ā
āMy.ā
āGod,ā theyād said in turn, obviously mesmerized by the gift.Ā
You handed the dress to Sieun, who clearly wanted to admire it up close, and looked into the bag in case there was anything else. You were maybe hoping for a pair of earrings or a necklace, but it was wishful thinking. Instead, you found a sticky note signed Jay, which read, Wear the accessories and shoes from last week. I canāt spoil you too much just yet.
You hadnāt even noticed Sunoo was reading the note over your shoulder until he put his hand over yours in what seemed to be a confidential manner and said, with all the seriousness in the world, āY/N, be honest with us. Is Park Jay your sugar daddy?ā
Sieun and Keehoās head snapped up and they stared at you expectantly. āWhat the hell? Why is that the first place your mind goes to?ā you said, almost laughing in disbelief.
Bewildered, Sunoo replied, āHow can it not? The wink, the Gucci gift, the note? It screams sugar daddy!ā
āWait - didnāt he say something about his parents? Iām not an expert, but I donāt think meeting the folks is sugar daddy etiquette,ā Keeho mused, taking this way too seriously.
You took a deep breath. There was no point in not telling your friends what had happened, so you explained the events of the past few days to them, from Jay changing your role at the fundraiser, to his parents thinking you were dating, to dinner with them on Thursday.
When you were done bringing them up to date, they all looked at you with incredulous looks. After a moment, Sieun broke the silence: āY/N, youāve become a real walking rom-com. Iām so proud of you.āĀ
Keeho was tearing his bread apart, throwing chunks into his mouth. āI donāt know. Fake dating is kinda boring, to be honest.ā Sieun let out an offended gasp and Sunoo nodded in agreement.Ā
āWeāre not gonna be fake dating. Just for this one evening, Iāll pretend to be his girlfriend, and itāll be over as quickly as it started,ā you said, hoping thatād be the end of this conversation, but your friends wouldnāt back down so easily.Ā
āY/N, thatās literally the whole concept of fake dating. Youāll think itās only that one time, and before you know it, youāll be married with three children, and it wonāt be fake anymore,ā Sieun warned, but you just shook your head and laughed, stealing Keehoās other piece of bread from his tray.
āYou guys are blowing this way out of proportion.ā
āAnd youāll be blowing something else soonā¦ā Sunoo muttered, just loud enough for your table to hear. You let out an offended gasp but Keeho and Sieun just burst into laughter.
āSunoo!ā
āWhat?!ā he replied, imitating your outraged tone but sporting an amused smile. āYour whole rivalry thing is too cute, I canāt take it seriously. You wonāt admit it to yourself, but you clearly like Jay a lot more than you do Heeseung,ā he said with a shrug, as if it was all so obvious. You tried to find support in Keeho or Sieunās eyes, but they avoided your gaze, guilty expressions on their faces.
āGuys, come on, you canāt be serious. Jongseong and I are just- weāre just-ā Rivals? Friends? Soon-to-be fake boyfriend and girlfriend? Who knew anymore. You took a deep breath. āItās not like that.ā
āWhatever you say,ā Sunoo sighed, but to your relief that was the end of the conversation. Your friends quickly moved on to another topic, but their words gnawed at the back of your mind like rabid bunnies. Either they were completely insane, or you had gravely misjudged Jay this whole time.Ā
ā
When Jay rang your doorbell at 7:00 p.m. sharp on Thursday, you were just done applying a thin layer of gloss on your lips. That morning, heād texted you to ask for your address and tell you to be ready at seven. You took a good look at yourself in the mirror and headed down the stairs to get the door, but your mother had beat you to it.Ā
Not used to keeping secrets from her, youād told her everything. Sheād looked at you curiously the whole time, a slight smirk on her face as if she knew something you didnāt. And sure enough, when you were finished talking, sheād said, āI knew there was something between you and that Jay boy. You talk way too much about him.ā
Not her too, you thought, but you didnāt need to encourage her delusions by telling her your friends thought the same, so youād tried to defend yourself. āMom! I just told you, Iām only pretending, Iām not actually his girlfriend. If I did like him, youād be the first to know.ā
She looked at you with a knowing smile that moms loved to wear. āI do know. Youāre the one who doesnāt.ā Youād dismissed her with a roll of your eyes. Everybody around meās going crazy, you thought.
When she opened the door, it revealed a very smartly-dressed Jay (but when was he not?), bouquet in hand. He immediately handed them to her and introduced himself.
āNice to meet you, Mrs Kim. Iām-ā
āJay, I know. Y/Nās mentioned you.ā
āHas she?ā he asked, a genuine grin blooming on his lips. You ignored how the glint of surprise and - hopefulness? - in his eyes tug at your heartstrings.
āJust once or twice, and never positively,ā you interrupted, appearing next to your mom. Taking your appearance in, she nodded at you approvingly, but Jay just stood there, mouth agape, seemingly transfixed by you. He only snapped out of his daze when you called out his name.
āYou ready to go?ā you asked, and hoped that the heat that had traveled to your face was hidden by your makeup.
āUh, yeah, yeah. Letās go. It was nice meeting you, Mrs Kim.ā
āYou too, Jay. Thanks for the flowers. I hope Y/N will be a good fake girlfriend to you tonight.ā
āOh, you told her?ā Jay asked you, looking somewhat disappointed.Ā
āI wasnāt gonna lie to my mom about my boyfriend,ā you said, nudging him out of the door. āBye, mom!ā
You ignored her reply (āDonāt have too much fun!ā) and walked speedily towards Jayās car, which looked far too expensive for this neighborhood. As you got closer, he took a few quick steps in front of you and opened the passenger door for you. You rolled your eyes, not wanting to let on how the gesture made your stomach flip. āNo need to go that far, Jongseong. Donāt try to woo me.ā
He hurried to the driverās seat, looked at you with a grin and said, āMight as well get into character now.ā His gaze lingered on you for a second too long, and you started feeling self-conscious when his eyes moved up and down over your body. When you coughed, he suddenly turned his attention back to the front and gulped, then started the car. He looked taken aback himself, as if he hadnāt even noticed he was staring at you. After a few seconds of silence, he said, āI really do have good fashion taste.āĀ
Although he was technically complimenting himself, you caught yourself hoping he also meant you looked good in the dress heād chosen for you. āYou could have included shoes and jewelry, you know. I wouldnāt have taken it the wrong way,ā you said with a playful tone.Ā
āSounds like youāre already getting used to a lavish lifestyle,ā he retorted, making you smile sheepishly.Ā
āIām just not used to dressing up nicely like this. Itās nice,ā you said truthfully. You werenāt sure where the honesty was coming from, but something about being in a car with Jay made you feel like you could say anything - it felt safe, like whatever you could tell him would stay between the two of you. What happens in Jayās car, stays in Jayās car, or something along those lines.Ā
Jay wanted to tell you that if you gave him a chance, you could do this anytime you wanted. Heād buy you all the dresses you could dream of, and give you a taste of his world, which he so often found bland and shallow, but that he was sure you could light up in the blink of an eye. But he couldnāt say that, so instead, he said, āYeah, I noticed. I donāt think anything youāve ever done or said offended me more than that one time you showed up to class wearing a āwhere the hell have you been, loca?ā t-shirt.ā
āShut up, that shirt is amazing!ā
āMaybe, but the movie itās quoting is an absolute trashfire of a film, if you can even call it that,ā he claimed, knowing itād get a reaction out of you.
āDonāt talk shit about Twilight, Jongseong, or Iāll mess tonight up and your parents will think youāre dating a psycho.ā
He turned to you with a smirk. āIād like to see you try.ā
Youād always known Jay was a confident man. Itās obvious in the way he holds his head high whenever he enters a room, or how he manages to stay calm and collected during an argument with someone whoās practically shouting at him (you, usually). And while he was always self-assured during your debates, seeing him act like this to practically flirt - could you describe it like that? - with you rendered you speechless. And you hated being speechless.
So you crossed your arms with a hmph and looked out the window, turning away so he couldnāt catch your fluttered state.Ā
You finally arrived at his parentsā house after a half-an-hour drive (āYou live so far away, do you seriously drive to campus and back everyday?ā āYes, Jay, not all of us can live in a three-bedroom flat in the middle of the cityā). As soon as you walked in, his mother greeted you with a warm hug, telling you how pretty you looked, and his father clasped your hand tightly, the lines around his eyes showing as he smiled at you. By the looks of it, you wouldnāt need to do much for them to like you.
You could tell Mr Park was a businessman by the way he didnāt beat around the bush when talking to you. As soon as youād sat down in the (or at least one of the) living rooms for drinks and small appetizers, he asked, āSo, Y/N, tell us about yourself.ā
Having anticipated such a question, you started, āWell, Iām an Econ major-ā
āYes, but I know thereās more to you than just academics,ā Jayās dad interrupted with a well-intentioned smile.
You looked at Jay, hoping he could help you out. He just looked back at you as if he was waiting for your answer as much as his dad was. āRight. Um. Where should I begin?ā you said with an awkward chuckle. You felt a bit put on the spot, but there was only genuine curiosity in all three pairs of eyes looking at you, so you felt comfortable enough to go on.
āIāve always lived here. Or, technically, in the suburbs. Since I spend most of my time either studying, working at my part-time job or commuting back and forth between school and home, I donāt have much time for hobbies. I just use my free time to spend time with my friends or my family.ā You looked at the three people in front of you, wondering if youād said enough. After a beat, you added, āSorry, was that too depressing?ā
Mr and Mrs Park chuckled at you, and he instantly reassured you, saying, āNo, no, not at all. Tell us about your family.ā
You were expecting that one too. āWell, itās just my mother, my little sister and me. But sheās at boarding school right now, so I only see her during the holidays.ā
āBoarding school - thatās pretty impressive,ā commented Jayās mom.
You smiled fondly at the thought of your little sister. āYeah, sheās a smart cookie. Got there on a scholarship and everything. She likes it most of the time but she does complain about how the people there are all-ā
You stopped yourself before your tongue could slip up and potentially offend Jayās parents. But to your surprise, they smiled and, in turn, said, āRich and self-centered?āĀ
āLittle kids who think they run the place when theyāre only fourteen?ā
A chuckle escaped you, not expecting them to share that kind of opinion with you and your sister. An amused tone in your voice, you nodded your head and said, āYeah, exactly.ā
āYeah, I know all about those. Your boyfriend here might have been born into wealth,ā he started, and you tried not to choke on your drink at Jay being referred to as your boyfriend, ābut my fatherās company, the one Iām in charge of now, only started being successful when I was in high school. My dad worked his way up from the ground, so he and I both know what itās like to not be well-off. Iāve tried to not turn Jay into one of those rich kids who think theyāll rule the world just cause they have money, andā¦ well, I hope I did a good job.ā
You looked at Jay with a grin. He looked right back at you as if to say, I dare you to tell my dad heās wrong. If this was anyone else in any other situation, you definitely wouldāve told them Jay is one of the most privileged people youāve ever met. You thought for another second - yes, Jay was definitely privileged, but there was a sort of innocence about him. Heād never used his wealth to make you feel inferior to him or anything of the sort. When heād bought you that MacBook, it was to apologize, not to show off. It was as normal for him to have his meals cooked and laundry washed as it was for you to sigh in defeat every time the price of milk went up, even by just a cent or two.
So, still looking at him, you replied, āYeah, Iād say you did a pretty good job.ā
The way Jayās eyes looked in that moment, fond and soft, made you want to never look away. But you didnāt want to make it awkward, so you turned back to his parents, who were watching the two of you with affection. Maybe Jay and you were a little bit too good at this whole fake-dating thing.
A maid came into the room to announce dinner was ready, and you all headed to the dining room. When plates of your favorite food arrived, you looked at Jay, astonishment written all over your face.
āHow did you know?ā
āYou mightāve mentioned it here and thereā¦ā he sheepishly answered, knowing fully well that heād gotten the information from a tweet youād made eight months ago.
As conversation picked up again and you exchanged with his parents over a bunch of different topics, from childhood memories to that weird new Netflix show thatās strangely addicting, you tried to ignore Jayās stare that was burning into the side of your face.Ā
āWhat about your dad?ā he suddenly asked, catching everybody in the room off guard. Noticing your confused look, he continued, āEarlier. You said it was just you, your sister and your mom. What about your dad?ā
His mom furrowed her eyebrows at him and said, āJongseong, leave her be. If she hasnāt told you, she probably doesnāt want to talk about it.ā
You took a deep breath. āNo, itās alright. I donāt mind talking about it, I just donāt usually bring it up cause it makes people think of me differently? Like they start to pity me just because my dadās out of the picture, when, really, it hasnāt affected me that much. Iāve never known him, my mom has always raised the two of us on her own.ā You looked down at your hands. You hadnāt even realized youād been fiddling your fingers. āIt just seems too clichĆ©, the poor girl who lives in the suburbs and is on a scholarship and doesnāt have a dad and redeems herself by having good grades. Which is why I like to usually keep it to myself.ā
You looked back up at them and were relieved when you found understanding and not pity in their eyes. If there was one thing you didnāt want to happen, was for them to think you were leeching off of Jay or trying to get his money. Even though you werenāt actually dating, it wouldāve still damaged your ego if they had seen you that way.
A few hours later, dessert was finished, and you could tell everyone was starting to tire (or had had too many glasses of wine) by the way the conversation was starting to make less and less sense. Jay was looking at the three of you in amusement, stone cold sober, as he knew heād have to drive you home later.
āWell, Y/N, son, weāre not going to hold you hostage here any longer. You still have classes tomorrow,ā Jayās dad said.
His parents led the two of you to the door as you gathered your coat and bag. āIt was so lovely getting to know you more, Y/N. You truly are a sweet girl, and we can tell youāre making our Jay very happy,ā his mother said, pulling you into a hug.
āYou better treat her well, son,ā said Mr Park. Jay looked over at you, and there was something in his eyes you couldnāt quite explain; all you knew was that it sent shivers straight down your spine. āI will,ā he simply said, but with so much honesty, it made you wonder if he actually did mean it.
āOh, and Y/N, thereās an event this Saturday. It wonāt be as fun as ours last week, but Iām sure you could find a way to enjoy it. Plus, it wouldnāt hurt for people to see what a nice, hardworking girlfriend Jay has,ā his father said, beaming down at you.
Jay and you exchanged a look, and the panic at the sudden invitation made you say, āYes, Iād love to attend!ā instead of finding a palatable excuse.
You exchanged final goodbyes with his parents, and as soon as you were in the car, you let out a hearty groan.
āMy God, whatās wrong with me? Why did I have to say yes to that?ā
Jay started the car. āIām surprised too. If you had given me three seconds, I couldāve come up with an excuse for you. But I mean, Iām not gonna complain.ā
You turned your head towards him, a pout on your face. āWhat do you mean?ā
Jay kept his eyes straight on the road as he answered. āWell, like he said, it wonāt be a bad look for me to have you on my arm. As much as it pains me to admit, youāre charming and intelligent, and,ā he glanced quickly towards you, āI have good fashion taste, so you donāt look like an absolute fool in that department either.ā
You snorted at his coyness. āJust say Iām pretty and move on, Jongseong.ā
āIs that what I said, though?ā he asked, a devilish grin on his face.Ā
You gasped dramatically, trying to appear as offended as possible. āYour dad literally just told you to treat me well, Iāll have you know.ā
āThey really fell for it, didnāt they?,ā he said with a sigh. āI have to say, you did a pretty good job tonight. Almost got me wondering if youāre not used to being peopleās fake date for the night.ā
āYeah, itās my side job actually.ā You smiled at each other, and when the eye contact lasted a second too long, you both quickly turned your head to the road. āSo, whatās Saturday night about?ā you asked, wanting to break the silence.
āOh, itās probably just another boring event where the grown-ups go to socialize and flaunt their wealth or their childrenās prowess.ā
āWow, look at you being all critical. I thought you lived and breathed that kind of stuff.ā
āI like it when it has a purpose. Like a fundraiser, or a company opening, or whatever. But this is just another excuse for people to show themselves off. You donāt have to come, you know. I can probably find a way out for you.ā
Once again, without thinking, you immediately answered, āIāll come.ā
Jay glanced at you quickly, an eyebrow raised. āWh- Really?ā
You shrugged, trying to stay casual. āI mean, I donāt have anything on Saturdays. Might as well keep you company. Turns out youāre not always insufferable.ā Youād lowered your voice for that last sentence, only half-heartedly admitting it. But of course, Jay wasnāt going to let you go with it.
āHuh? What was that? I donāt think I heard you,ā he teased, leaning slightly towards you.
You gently nudged his shoulder, saying, āShut up, you heard me. Just because I tolerate you slightly more doesnāt mean youāve stopped being my number one rival.ā
Youād never seen Jay smile that much. You sometimes caught glimpses of it when he was with his friends, but with you, he usually had an arrogant smirk, so seeing his genuine grin made your heart swell with joy you couldnāt explain.Ā
āOf course not. I wouldnāt assume anything else.ā
He dropped you off at your house and made sure you were inside before driving away. When you told your mom about your night, she watched you with a smile, that knowing glint in her eyes still there. When she tried hinting at you having feelings for the boy, youād gotten off your chair and shouted good night! before heading to bed.Ā
ā
Saturday quickly rolled around the corner, and you were in your room with Sieun, trying on the two dresses Jay had given you to pick from. āTheyāre both good, I just wanted to see if youād choose the best one,ā heād said. This time, heād also included a new pair of shoes and a set of matching jewelry. Your friends kept teasing you about him being your sugar daddy (āyou canāt deny it anymore, Y/Nā), and you had to admit you were starting to feel a bit like that, even though you werenāt really giving him any sugar. He was just spoiling you like it was his day job.
He was right; both dresses were gorgeous. They were both black, but one of them was body-fitting with an open back, while the other cinched in at the waist and had puffy sleeves. You couldnāt deny that you looked good in the first one; Sieun had let out the loudest gap when sheād seen you in it. But you both agreed that it was on the riskier side, and it was probably more appropriate to wear the second dress.
You were laying on your bed, talking about this and that. Itād been a while since it was just the two of you, and it was nice catching up with her.
āSoā¦ā sheād started, an impish tone to her voice. You knew immediately what she wanted to talk about and let out a loud groan, but that didnāt deter her. āWanna tell me about Jay?ā
It was obvious what she was trying to get at, but you werenāt going to give her what she wanted. āWell, heās rich and has a huge house. Not surprising. He drives well. Heās not half as annoying when heās in front of his parents. Probably not trying to be as much of a smartass. He seems to think heās all that. He-ā
āOkay, okay, I get it!ā she said, laughing. āWhat I mean is, has anything changed between you two? Have you finally come to your senses about the boy?ā
You thought about it for a second. Something had definitely shifted in your perception of Jay. You felt it in the pit of your stomach every time he smiled at you. But it was scary: this wasnāt you and Jay. You and Jay argued, and riled each other up, and got on each otherās nerves. You didnāt crack jokes so youād hear the other laugh, or agree without thinking when they asked you for a favor. It was confusing, so instead of voicing out those concerns, you lied. āNo. Not really.ā
But your friend wasnāt buying it. āCāmon. The guy buys you dresses, gets your mom flowers, drives you to his parentsā for dinner. I know itās not for realsies, and youāve got integrity or whatever, but you canāt completely be indifferent to it, Y/N. Even youāve got to admit Jayās hot.ā
You laughed at your friendās reasoning. āFine. Maybe heās not just someone to beat anymore. I guess thatās what fake dating will do to you. But that doesnāt mean I have to say heās hot.ā
She turned to fully face you. āNot even when heās all dressed up? Or when he hands you a bag that has contents worth thousands?ā
Her eyes were telling you that you had to agree with her. You tried to suppress a smile, still not wanting to admit anything. Just because you and Jay had been rivals since youād met didnāt mean you went blind every time you saw him. Of course, you knew how attractive he was. But you had conditioned yourself to never see him that way, so letting on that you didnāt think he was completely repulsive felt like betraying yourself.Ā
Sieun laughed at your reaction. āCāmon! Say it!ā
You pursed your lips together, suppressing a smile, and shook your head. The tilt to Sieunās head and the devilish glint in her eyes told you your friend was up to no good - and indeed, a second later, she was on you, tickling your sides and asking you to āsay it! Say it!ā
āFine, fine!ā you said between breathless giggles. She finally relented. āI think Jayās hot.ā
āDo you, now?ā
The sudden male voice made you and Sieun shriek. You sat up in your bed and found its owner - sure enough, Jay was standing in your doorway, leaning against the wall and clearly liking what heād just heard. Your mother soon appeared behind him, explaining that heād knocked and she let him in, telling him to go up to your room. She mouthed sorry and quickly scurried down the hall.
āIām not sure why it took you so long, but Iām glad youāve finally opened your eyes, Y/N.ā
Sieunās eyes were going back and forth between the two of you, until she stood up and said, āWell, I guess thatās my cue to go. Have fun you two, and tell me all about it on Monday, Y/N!ā
Before you could protest, she had already left your room, sending Jay a wink as she passed by him. It was silent for a few seconds as you sat there in embarrassment, cursing the Gods for your awful timing. He walked in and sat down at the edge of your bed, comfortable and keeping his distance at once. The sentence thereās something perfect about him flashed in your mind but you were quick to brush it away. āSo, which dress did you choose?ā
āThe one with the puffy sleeves,ā you replied, unable to look him in the eye.
He tutted, shaking his head disapprovingly. āWrong choice.ā You rolled your eyes. āShow me?ā
This made you look at him. His smile was taunting, but his eyes were soft. With the way he looked right now, you thought he could ask you anything and youād say yes. You hadnāt imagined that him sitting on your bed would make you stammer like a schoolgirl in front of her teacher crush, but here you were, almost rendered speechless by the mere sight of him. The fact that he was manspreading and leaning back on his hands, the top buttons of his shirt undone and his trousers stretching against his thighs, wasnāt particularly helping. More shyly than you intended, you told him to turn around and close his eyes, then quickly put the dress on. You were thankful for its lack of zipper - you donāt know if you could have handled Jay zipping your dress up for you.
āOkay. You can turn around now.ā
This was already the third time Jay was seeing you all dressed up, but his gaze managed to make the heat rise to your cheeks every time. The corners of his lips rose slightly. āWrong choice,ā he repeated, ābut you still look really good, Y/N.ā
You couldnāt stop the smile spreading on your face as you coyly replied, tugging at the hem of your dress, āWhy thank you, Jay.ā
āYou gonna be ready to go soon?ā he asked, checking the time on his phone.
āYeah, just need to put on jewelry and shoes, and Iām good. Sieun did my makeup for me earlier.ā You put on the thin silver earrings and ring Jay had gotten for you and checked your reflection in the mirror. You put a hand to your collarbone, thinking the area looked a bit empty without a necklace.
āShould I wear the necklace from last time? It looks a bit weird without anything right now,ā you asked Jay, keeping your gaze on the mirror.Ā
āUm, Iāve got something, actually. I forgot to give it to you with the rest of the things.ā He fished a small box out of his bag and got up to stand behind you. He took out the necklace and put it around your neck, asking you to hold your hair up. You complied, looking at his reflection in the mirror. His hands slightly brushed the back of your neck as he locked the necklace, and you had to keep yourself from visibly shivering at his touch. This was infinitely worse (or better) than him zipping up your dress.
He absent-mindedly let his hands slide along your shoulders until they came to a halt on the sides of your arms. His eyes met yours in the mirror, and with a smile, he said, āAll done.ā
ā
Nothing, not even the fundraiser of the previous week, couldāve prepared you for how lavish this party was. Whereas the fundraiser has been in an 18th century ballroom, in the old part of your city where most of the architecture was traditional, this event was taking place in the newer, richer part of the city where skyscrapers constituted most of the area. You were at the top of one of those skyscrapers, and from the huge windows that made up two of the four walls of the spacious room, you could see the whole city laid out right in front of you, as if it was yours to take. If having money meant seeing this everyday, you thought you could understand why rich people got addicted to it.Ā
As Jay and his dad had warned, the atmosphere that evening was very different from that of the fundraiser. Instead of gathering for a cause, this just felt like an excuse to get drunk and eat tiny, tiny appetizers that probably cost a hundred dollars each, all while looking rich and fashionable. The room was quite dark, only the moon outside and the small LED lamps on every table bringing light in. Youād never seen such an impressive collection of alcohol (to be fair, youād only ever been to frat parties where most of the alcohol was cheap beer and dodgy brands of vodka), and you were really going to have to restrain yourself from trying out every cocktail the barman offered. Although most of the people there were in their forties to sixties, and the younger people were only there thanks to their parents, the dress code wasnāt as formal as youād have imagined it to be, and Jayās assessment of your dress as the āwrong choiceā now made more sense. The women wore dresses that showed quite some skin, or didnāt leave much to the imagination, and the men had left their suit blazer behind and hadnāt buttoned their shirt all the way up.
It was all a bit mind-boggling at first, but you soon got used to it, and Jayās warm hand on your lower back reassured you. At first, the two of you walked around together, talking to different people, and hoping you were making your ārelationshipā clear to them. You were glad Heeseung or anyone that wouldāve recognized you wasnāt there: you could handle pretending to be Jayās girlfriend in front of his parents and other random people, but in front of the whole school, that wouldāve been a whole other level of fake dating.
Watching people slowly slip into a drunk state as the hours passed was just about the only source of entertainment you got that night. The two cocktails youād tried out were way too strong to your liking, so you didnāt feel like drinking anymore, and Jay couldnāt because he was driving you home later on. When most guests were beyond the point of being able to hold a coherent conversation, you and Jay took it as your cue to leave. You found his parents among the crowd to tell them goodbye, and you could tell they werenāt completely sober by the way they kept telling you you were amazing and made you promise three times youād attend more of these events. Guess you couldnāt back out now.
And indeed, as weeks passed, it became a normal thing for you to accompany Jay every time he had an event to attend. Your wardrobe was going to burst from all the outfits he kept buying you, but you werenāt going to complain. Jake and Sunghoon, as sons of CEOs of smaller but still important companies, were sometimes present. They usually ditched these types of events, and you couldnāt blame them, but they still made the effort from time to time. You were already friends with Jake before; the two of you had lived in the same dorm building and kept finding each other in the study room late at night, then started to bond over insolvable questions and watered-down instant coffee. Sunghoon, on the other hand, you hadnāt had many chances to talk to, and you couldnāt lie, judging by his appearance alone, you had first thought he was even more self-centered than Jay. But after talking to him for just a minute, you found that that cold facade quickly broke down and he was easy to talk to and very funny - in his own way, but funny nonetheless.
Heeseung wasnāt always at these events, but whenever he was, you couldnāt miss him. He always garnered attention, especially from the female guests, but he always kept his eyes trained on you. In all your three years of liking him, heād barely spoken a word to you, so why the sudden interest? Usually, youād have craved his attention; but for some reason, at those parties, you felt indifferent towards it. You hated how he was always with a different girl and never approached you, yet wasnāt trying to keep his glances towards you discreet at all. Jay noticed it too, and a couple times youād even had to stop him from going up to Heeseung and asking him what the hell he wanted.Ā
Since you didnāt have money to bedazzle people with, you always tried to make a good impression with your conversation and intellect, but some nights you just werenāt up to it and spent most of the time laughing with Jake and Sunghoon, as Jay was often too busy talking to someone else. Tonight was one of those nights; half an hour into the party, an important businessman approached Jay and started talking to him, completely ignoring you. He always ended up apologizing later on, but you didnāt reproach him for it - you knew he had a reputation to uphold and that these events were important for him. Plus, it wasnāt like he owed you anything - you werenāt his girlfriend after all, even if the line between real and fake had started to blur more and more often as of late.Ā
Feeling out of place, you looked around the room and found Jake and Sunghoon at the bar, six shots lined up in front of them. You had never gotten drunk at any of these events, not wanting to risk embarrassing Jay or his parents, but tonight seemed like it was gonna be the most boring one as of yet. So you gestured to Jay that you were leaving and joined the two boys.
āRoom for one more?ā you asked when you reached them. They turned around and smiled at you; this was clearly not their first drink of the night.Ā
āOf course!ā replied Jake excitedly, beaming at you. You could tell he already had a few drinks in his system. Without further ado, you each took a shot glass in your hand, clinked them and brought them to your lips, dipping your heads back. The burning of the alcohol as it glided down your throat was both repulsive and intoxicating, and you were soon reaching for the second one. The boys cheered you on and quickly mirrored you.Ā
Although youād promised Jay youād always be on your best behavior, as the evening went on, you never refused a drink that the servers approached you with or the boys offered you. Without Jay to make snide remarks about the snouty guests with, the evening was a lot less fun, so you couldnāt help but down every glass of alcohol that came near you; since Jake and Sunghoon were doing the exact same thing, none of you were realizing exactly how drunk you three were getting. At least, you werenāt going around the room, mumbling drunkenly to everyone; you were staying at a table in the corner, mumbling drunkenly to each other.
Jay was observing you from afar, trying not to worry and stay focus on the conversation (no matter how mind-numbing) he was having; but when he saw you almost fall out of your chair and burst into laughter right away instead of regaining your senses, he thought it was time to come check on you. He couldnāt help but feel guilty for having left you alone for most of the night, and he knew Jake and Sunghoon never stayed sober through these events, but in his defense, he didnāt think any of you would go that far.
He took a seat in the chair next to you, leaning close to you so you could hear him over the music and chatter of the guests. He asked you how you felt, and you gave him a lopsided smile in response. āMe? I feel great. This place is awesome once youāve had-ā you hiccuped, āa few drinks.ā
Jay sighed but had an affectionate look on his face. āRight. I think itās time to get you home.ā He saw you open your mouth in what was probably going to be protest, so before you could say anything, he added, āAnd donāt even argue with me. Iām taking you home, let me just go let my parents know first. You two figure it out on your own,ā he told Jake and Sunghoon, who had already started to doze off on their chairs.
He got up and headed towards his parents, and you watched him walk away with a pout on your face. Your vision was blurry from the alcohol and you could barely make out any faces, but you waved in what you hoped was the general direction of his parents.Ā
āShe just keeps getting better, doesnāt she? Even when sheās drunk, she doesnāt embarrass herself,ā said Mr Park when Jay announced your departure. āIām glad you have her, son.ā Jay was glad for the dimness of the room, which meant his dad wouldnāt notice how hard he was blushing. Even if it was all an act, thanks to his parents, he had gotten closer to you than he thought he ever would.
He bid goodbye to his parents and a few other guests, including Jakeās and Sunghoonās parents, making them aware of their kidsā state, then went back to get you. The trek to the car wasnāt the easiest as tiredness had started to hit you and your body grew heavier against your will. You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the back of the passenger seat and Jay couldnāt help but think you were the cutest thing in the world. He then realized how far gone he must be to think you still looked precious in your current state.
The car ride was silent, your quiet snores and the soft chatter of the radio the only sounds filling up the space. Jay thought you were dead asleep as you didnāt wake up when he fished your keys out of your bag and carried you bridal style out of the car and to the door, but really, you just didnāt wanna have to walk. When he got to the door, though, you thought it wouldāve been unfair to make him struggle that much, so you opened your eyes and quietly told him to let you on the ground. He walked you to your room, tucked you in bed and even got a wet wipe to take your makeup off for you.Ā
As he gently swiped it over your eyes, trying not to hurt you, your drunken state got the best of you and you asked, voice barely over a whisper, āWhy are you doing all this?ā
He didnāt say anything for a minute, and you thought he might not have heard you, until he replied, āBecause I want to.ā You were too tired to press the matter any further, although you desperately wanted to. Youād have to wait until you were sober - if youād have the courage to bring the subject up then.
When he was done and got up from your bed, the sudden absence of his presence around you made you panic, so you called out, āJay?ā
āYeah?ā he said, and you hoped you werenāt imagining how expectant heād sounded.
āWill you stay?ā
Your eyes were too heavy to even open, so you couldnāt see his reaction. After a second that felt like an eternity, he answered, āOf course.ā
You heard him steal a pillow and lay down on the carpeted floor next to your bed. Maybe it was the remnants of alcohol in your system, or the fact that spending so much time together, especially as his girlfriend - fake girlfriend - had made you see him in a new light, or the fact that you felt like your whole world would collapse if you didnāt have him next to you at that moment, or all three of those things. All you knew was that something beyond your control made you whisper ācome hereā in the quiet of your room, and, when he got under the covers with you but kept his distance, made you wrap your arms around him and cling onto his shirt as if he would disappear.
You slept like a baby that night, but Jay barely got a wink of sleep, the sound of his own heart beating uncontrollably keeping him awake.
ā
You woke up that Sunday morning with a ringing headache, an upset stomach and a thirst you knew you wouldnāt be able to quench no matter how much water you drank. Your bed was empty, and the only thing that reminded you Jay sleeping overnight wasnāt a fever dream was his scent lingering on your pillow. The pang in your heart at his absence was hard to ignore - you were definitely curious about what itād be like to wake up in Jayās arms.Ā
The busy chatter coming from the kitchen forced you out of your bed, although you wouldāve rather stayed there all day. As soon as you opened your bedroom door, the smell of pancakes and sizzling bacon attacked your nose, and you hurried downstairs.
The sight of Jay cooking breakfast for you and your mother alone was enough to cure your hangover. You sneakily watched from the staircase as he expertly flipped pancakes and cooked eggs at the same time, all while holding a conversation with your mom. You walked into the kitchen and poured yourself a cup of coffee before taking a seat next to your mom, trying to but failing to suppress a smile. āI didnāt know you were also a housewife, Jongseong,ā you said, voice still groggy with sleep.
āI thought it was the least I could do after making you attend such an awful event,ā he answered, and you had the suspicion he was only being nice because your mom was there, even though she knew you two werenāt actually dating.Ā
He kept that energy all throughout breakfast, making your mom laugh, and you watched him play his charm on her, glad you didnāt need to participate in the conversation. Any mom would be lucky to have him as a step-son, you caught yourself thinking.
Your mother hugged him when he left, and turned to you with a smile as soon as sheād closed the door. āY/N, thereās no way in hell you donāt wanna date that boy. Hell, if he wasnāt half my age, I probably would.ā
You took a cold water bottle from the fridge and said, āWeāre not talking about this,ā then headed up the stairs to your room. You ignored her calling after you and laid down in bed. Last night had given you a lot to think about.
ā
You never got as drunk as that night again, not wanting to repeat that situation. Your relationship with Jay had already changed so much in so little time, but now, there was a lingering tension that always kept you on edge, and it wasnāt due to the constant arguing. It was due to the way you couldnāt get his scent on your sheets out of your head and the way he couldnāt forget how you had held onto him that night. You two had always said whatever was on your mind to each other, especially if it was something that would annoy the other, but now unspoken words constantly lingered between the two of you.
Your friends saw right through you; even though you tried to play it cool, it was painfully obvious that Jay was much more than just competition to you now. You hadnāt told them about the time heād slept over and made you breakfast, knowing youād never hear the end of it; but they didnāt need to know about that to see something had changed. It was clear in the way you talked about him, which had gone from irritated to excited, or how you never mentioned Heeseung anymore. One time, youād even said ādating Jayā instead of āfake-dating,ā and Sunoo had immediately picked up on it.
āThat-thatās what I meant!ā youād exclaimed defensively, but theyād all looked at you with teasing smiles.
Jay hadnāt been very discreet when heād given you bags of designer clothes all over campus, like in the cafeteria, in a random hallway, or in a lecture hall, and given his immense popularity (you know, being handsome and rich and all that), a few rumors about you two dating were being spread around. But they hadnāt really blown up, since the both of you always denied them whenever someone asked you if they were true, because you didnāt need to keep the pretense at uni.Ā
The pretense - because thatās all it was, of course. Play pretend. Fake dating, keyword fake. But everything with Jay felt too real - the laughter in his car on the way to and fro the events, the smiles you exchanged from across the room, his hand brushing against yours when you sit next to each other during lectures. It wasnāt enough to have his arm around your waist once or twice a week, and it drove you crazy that you had him in bed right next to you but that youād let him go. You needed to have him close, and for it to be real.
It was a sunny March afternoon when you realized this. Your week was surprisingly unbusy - along with the preparation for your lectures and tutorials, you only had two small online quizzes to complete, and all your bigger deadlines were so far away that even you didnāt see the point in starting on them already. So, armed with your favorite book and plenty of snacks, youād decided to head to the park next to campus and spend a relaxing afternoon in the sun. It went as planned for about an hour, when an all too familiar voice called out your name - a voice that used to make you sigh in annoyance and roll your eyes automatically, but that now made your heart skip a beat in nervousness, you realized with some alarm.
āHey! What are you doing here?ā He sat down next to you on your picnic blanket, beaming at you like you were his good old friend heād just run into. He had a professional-looking camera with him, something youād never seen him carry around. You were so taken aback by his excitement at seeing you that no words formed in your mind, and you just raised your book and waved it stupidly.
Jay chuckled when he saw what you were reading. āTwilight, of course. And thatās the last one, isnāt it?ā He shook his head in mock-disappointment at you. āI canāt believe you would put yourself through the torture of reading four of those books, Y/N.ā
You just mumbled something about them being fun to read, turning your gaze back to the cover of the book you were holding. What the hell was wrong with you?! Usually, youād be quick to shoot an answer back at Jay, either defending yourself or attacking him on one of his own weird preferences (youāll never forget the day they had corn at the cafeteria and Jay had scarfed down at least five cobs in one sitting). But right now, Jayās presence next to you turned your insides to liquid and rendered you unable to think properly. You hated it.
But then you noticed something on the book cover - āJay, how do you know this is the last one?ā From the corner of your eye, you saw Jayās head snap up while you turned the book in your hands. āThereās no number on it.ā
āO-oh,ā he started, and judging from the growing blush on his face, you knew youād caught him. This brought some of your usual confidence back to you. āIsnāt it common knowledge that Breaking Dawn is the last book in the series?ā
You giggled at that. āAbsolutely not.ā His guilty expression only made you want to press further, and you added, āThatās something youād only know if youād watched all the movies and made the effort to remember the separate titles.ā
He looked away, letting out a small hum as he found sudden interest in his camera. You were still smiling at him in disbelief. āJongseong, have you seen all five Twilight movies?ā
He furrowed his eyebrows and kept avoiding your gaze. āPffft. No.ā
āJongseong.ā
At the sound of his name, he abruptly turned his head in your direction, and his glare only made you smile even more. āYouāve actually seen all five movies, I canāt believe this,ā you said, almost laughing. Jayās eyes softened slightly, just enough for you to notice. He turned his attention back to his camera, but he was smiling down at it as he spoke this time.
āItās just that youāve mentioned them so often, I thought I should check at least the first one out. Turns out theyāre pretty addictive,ā he admitted sheepishly.
āSo you watched them for me?ā you asked, and your voice was more admirative than youād had intended it to be - you wanted to tease him, not let him know that what heād just said actually touched you.
āI watched them forā¦ research purposes,ā he conceded. Your eyes met. Your cheeks were starting to hurt from all the intense smiling this conversation was bringing you, but you couldnāt help it. This time, you were the one to look away.
āResearch purposes, of course.ā A short silence ensued, the sort of silence you shouldāve been used to with Jay by now but that always made you feel giddy - the sort thatās awkward in a lighthearted way, the sort where youāre repeating all the words that have just been said in your head and committing them to memory. The sort where you hope the other is feeling all the things youāre feeling.
You broke it first. āWhat about you, what are you doing here?ā
Jay raised his head, looking like heād just remembered he had come here for another purpose than just talking to you. āRight. I have a project for this elective Iām taking, so I need to film some stuff and I thought itād be nice to do it here,ā he explained, shrugging.
āSounds cool,ā you said, and you hoped he knew you actually meant it. He looked at you again, and he seemed surprised. āTell me more,ā you added, and from the way his features lit up, you could tell you had said the right thing. You positioned yourself more comfortably on the blanket as you listened to him.
āOh, well, our professorās a bit of a romantic so the project is all about finding beauty in the small things, the happiness around us, loveā¦āĀ
Your gazes locked the moment he said that word, but it only lasted a second. Jay was quick to clear his throat and go back to his explanation, but it took you a few more seconds until you could focus on his words again. When you snapped out of it, he was showing you some films heād already taken. They were all very short, just three or four seconds long, but a peacefulness emitted from each of them. An encouraging message scribbled into a lecture hall table, a cat laying on a windowsill, enjoying the sun, an old couple walking slowly hand-in-hand, teenage girls celebrating a birthday at an ice cream parlor, the metro passing quickly through the frame as the sunset paints the sky orange in the background. All beautiful moments that make up life, but that you never take the time to fully appreciate.
āThisā¦ this is beautiful, Jay,ā you breathe, mesmerized by what heād manage to capture.
āYeah? Not too cheesy?ā he asked, a small smile on his lips.
āNot at all. I think your professor will love this, you completely grasped the subject.ā
He let out a shaky breath of relief, his smile getting wider. āNice,ā he said under his breath. Then he suddenly turned his head to look at you, an intensity in his gaze you hadnāt expected. āWould you mind if I took a video of you? Add you to the film?ā
āW-what, like here? Right now?ā
āYeah,ā Jay said, and when he smiled at you like that, who were you to say no?
āOkay, sure.ā You tried to shrug, play it cool, but something about Jay looking at you through his lens and adding a video of you to all those beautiful ones heād just shown you made your heartbeat speed dangerously.
āGreat,ā he beamed. āJust read your book. Pretend Iām not here,ā he instructed. As if you could be anything less than hyper-aware of his presence, you thought.
Thankfully, the video was shot in just a few minutes as Jay searched for the best angle to take it from. Before you knew it, he was already back next to you, mirroring your position on the blanket as he laid on his stomach. You tried to ignore how his shoulder brushed against yours as he leaned on his forearms, showing you the video. You had to admit, it looked really nice - from this angle, the sun shone down on you perfectly, and you could see the wind blowing through the tree leaves in the background. It fit perfectly with the other videos.
āBeautiful,ā Jay whispered, looking at the film with nothing but fondness in his eyes.
You didnāt linger on his words too long, just took the chance to tease him: āAre you complimenting me or your videography skills?ā
The look in his eyes didnāt change as he turned his head and gazed down at you. āYou, of course.ā
A smirk tugged the corners of his lips up as he took in your flustered expression, your incoherent mumbles. āWhatever,ā you mumbled when you regained the ability to speak.Ā
Another comfortable silence settled between the two of you as Jay busied himself with his camera while you read the same paragraph over and over, unable to concentrate on the words. You desperately wanted to say something, but had no idea what, so you were grateful when Jay broke the silence.
āJust need to edit this all together on my laptop, and then Iām all done. Thanks for your help, Y/N.ā
āI didnāt do anything, though,ā you said with a small smile. His compliment from earlier was still ringing in your ears.
āBut you did. I think that shot of you will end the film perfectly.āĀ
Sure, Jay had gotten nicer and nicer to you as time passed - but today, he was really laying it on thick. He was making it hard to breathe properly. All you could do to save yourself was change the subject.
āSo, this is for the Visual Studies part of your degree, right?ā
For the second time today, Jayās expression went from surprise to delight - you remembered, he thought. āIt is, yeah,ā he replied, with a wide grin he couldnāt control. He seemed to hesitate for a bit, as if deliberating whether he should say whatever it was he wanted to say or not. You were happy to see he opted for telling you. āIf it was up to me, itās the only thing Iād have done.ā
You studied him for a bit. With just this simple sentence, you realized Jayās life wasnāt as simple as youād always imagined it to be. āBut itās not up to you, Iām guessing.ā
He smiled sadly, and you had to resist the urge to take him in your arms. All these things you had been feeling for him, they werenāt supposed to be there, and you were getting really tired of fighting them back.
āIt isnāt, no.ā He turned over to lay on his back, and you imitated him, so that you were now both staring up at the sky. He sighed before speaking again. āMy father isnāt a particularly conservative man, but he does like tradition. He wants to keep the company in the family, and as his only child, Iām the one the responsibility falls upon. Heās never even asked me if this was what I wanted to do, just assumed Iād be happy with it.ā
In your three years of knowing Jay, youād thought how unfair it was that he wouldnāt have to go through the hoops of job applications and job interviews. He already had a top position waiting for him as soon as he got out of college. But now you realized that he was completely trapped in the position - all of the decisions youād taken academics- and career-wise had been your own, while Jayās had been chosen for him in advance.
āI picked up photography as a hobby to get away from it all and ended up really falling in love with it. I have control over my camera even if I have zero control over anything else in my life,ā he explained with a defeated chuckle.
You let your head fall to the side and looked at him. āI had no idea about any of this.ā
Jay met your eyes and smiled. The sun was right behind you, so he had to shield his eyes from it to look at you. āOf course not. I never mentioned it.ā
āI feel like I shouldāve known, for some reason.ā
His smile got wider. You looked away. āWhy?ā
āJust ācause. Maybe I wouldāve gone easier on you if I knew you were also struggling.ā
āI wouldnāt have let you.ā He bumped your shoulder with his, making you let out a chuckle.
A beat passed before you spoke again. āGuess we both have a lot of pressure on our shoulders, huh? Even if theyāre different kinds.ā
āGuess we do.ā
āThen weāre more similar than Iād thought,ā you said, and looked at him again.
āGuess we are.ā
A smile bloomed on your lips, and Jayās eyes drifted down to it. That simple action made you panic, and you suddenly sat up. He didnāt have time to ask if everythingās alright, you were already throwing your stuff back in your bag and mumbling something about the time and having to go. You stood, and turned to Jay before scurrying off. āIāll see you around.ā
Jay chuckled, slightly confused, but let you go. It wasnāt until he left himself that heād realized youād left without your picnic blanket.
āĀ
After that afternoon, you tried to pretend nothing happened, and that you hadnāt run away just because of Jay glancing down at your lips. You were already getting worked up over things you shouldnāt even be thinking about when it came to him - you didnāt need to have Jay kissing you on your mind.
Thankfully, Jay didnāt bother you about it, and you got back into your routine of arguing by class and pretending to be a couple by night. Everything was fine.
That is, until Mr Park happened.
You had waited all week, hell, all month for this: Jayās dad was about to give a special talk for the School of Business on how to get a company started and efficiently run it, but most importantly, he would announce how to apply for a summer internship at his firm. Youād made sure to get there early so you could get a good seat. He noticed you when you walked in the amphitheater, and motioned to you to come see him.
āY/N! Lovely to see you, thanks for coming,ā he greeted, beaming down at you. It always surprised you just how similar his smile was to his sonās.
āOf course, Mr Park! I wouldnāt miss it for the world.ā
āCome and see me after the talk, yeah? Thereās something I want to tell you.ā
God, what was it with Park father and son to announce things like that? Why not just say it straight away? You kept those thoughts to yourself and nodded, then sat down at a seat in the front.
You listened intently the whole time and took down rigorous notes. When it was over, you had to wait another twenty minutes as people asked him questions, until he finally announced that was all he had time for today. You headed down towards the stage, and complimented him on his talk. Most people in the room had started trickling out, but there were still a few students waiting at the doors, hoping to catch him before he left.
āOh, thank you, thank you,ā he said with a chuckle, before taking a deep breath. āI realize now what I said earlier might have made you nervous, but donāt worry, youāre not in trouble.āĀ
You released a breath you didnāt know you were holding. Good. āI just wanted to thank you for being such a good girlfriend to Jay. Iāve always been proud of him, but I know he has a lot on his shoulders, so itās nice to see that he has someone like you to rely on.ā
You smiled at Mr Park, saying it was nothing, but you felt guilty. He truly believed in you and Jay, when the two of you were only pretending. Even though it didnāt always feel that way anymore.Ā
āOh, and for the internship, Iām sure youāll understand that it wouldnāt look too good if I gave it to you. But donāt worry, Iāll put in a good word for you wherever you decide to apply.ā
A second passed. Then another, and another, until your lack of answer was becoming weird, and you had to say something. āOh. Right. Of course, I understand,ā you replied, hoping the disappointment in your voice wasnāt too obvious. You exchanged a few more words until you said you needed to get back to studying.
As you turned around to exit the room, you noticed everybody who had been waiting for Mr Park was staring right at you, wide-eyed. You tried to ignore them and get to the doors, but a girl stopped you. āSo the rumors are true, you really are dating Jay?ā
Youād never seen her in your life and were a bit shocked that a stranger could demand information about your love life, but you nonetheless shook your head and started to say, āWhat? No.ā
āWhy are you lying? We just heard everything,ā said another voice.
āYeah, it doesnāt matter anyway, just donāt lie.ā
You turned your gaze away from the students to look behind you at Mr Park. Or more precisely, at the lecturer mic wrapped around his waist. From where you were, you could make out a tiny red light on the mic, signaling it was still on.
Crap.
ā
As soon as you were outside, you called Jay. He picked up after a few rings, groaning, āWhat? Iām at the library.ā Ah, there was the Jay you knew.
āIāll be here in two, come outside.ā
āBut-ā
āRight now,ā you said sharply and hung up.Ā
Jay had wanted to scold you for disturbing him like that, but as soon as he saw you, eyebrows furrowed and biting your lip nervously, worry overcame him. āHey. You okay?ā he asked gently, placing his hands on your forearms.
āYeah. Iām fine, but, um, everybody knows. Ā»
He looked at you questioningly, and when you wouldnāt explain further, he asked, āKnows what?ā
āYou. Me. That weāre dating. Well, they think weāre dating.ā
āWhat? How do they know?ā
āYour dad. We talked after his presentation, and he thanked me for being a good girlfriend, except his mic was on. So everybody heard. And you know how gossip travels here, so everybodyāll know by tonight,ā you said, sighing in exasperation.
Jay thought for a while. āWell, who cares if they know? We donāt have to change the way we act with each other. Thatād be more suspicious, if anything. Weāll just have to not deny it when people ask if weāre dating.āĀ
Your frustration got the best of you and you scoffed, giving Jay a harsher look than you wanted to. His hands left your forearms. āHow far is this gonna go, Jay?! How much longer do we have to-ā You realized how loud your voice was, and switched to whisper-shouting instead of just shouting. āTo pretend? I can let you parade me around those CEOs and whatnot, but I donāt wanna have to keep the charade up on campus, too.ā
Jayās law locked. He looked like youād just punched him. But he didnāt say anything, so you dropped it. āAnyway, thatās not even the bad part. Your dad told me I wouldnāt get the internship.Ā And itās fine, I guess I can get one somewhere else. But I wasnāt expecting it, and I was really looking forward to working at your dadās firm.ā
Again, he was silent for a small while, until he muttered, āRight.ā
You looked up at him, and he was avoiding your gaze. Why wasnāt he surprised, or angry? Why wasnāt he reacting?
āDidā¦ did you know?ā you asked, unable to keep your voice from shaking.
Nothing.
āJay. Did you know?ā you repeated, tone harsher, more impatient.
āUm. Yeah, I knew,ā he mumbled. He still wouldnāt look you in the eye.Ā
You shut your eyes for a few seconds, trying to grasp the situation. āWh- you knew? And you didnāt say anything?āĀ
āSorry,ā he said, eyes trained on his shoes.
āSorry? Thatās it?ā You shook your head in disbelief. You almost wanted to laugh. āHow long have you known?ā
āSince the beginning, really. My dadās not the type to do favors, and he wants to keep up that image. So if youāre my girlfriend, he wouldnāt give you the internship.ā
You couldnāt say anything. Not getting the internship was one thing. You could get over it. But Jay knowing from the start and keeping it from you, that was what really hurt you. You could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you walked away before Jay could see just how much heād upset you.
āY/N!ā he called after you. He grabbed your wrist, making you stop in your tracks and turn around. The sight of you, teary eyes and staring at him with fury in your eyes, and knowing he was the reason behind it, made him indescribably angry at himself.
āWhatever it is you have to say, I donāt wanna hear it, Jongseong.ā He tightened his grip on your wrist before you could snatch it away from him.
āIām so sorry, Y/N. I didnāt know you wanted that internship. If I did-ā
āIf you did? Then what? You wouldnāt have asked me to be your pretend girlfriend? You wouldāve let me have a chance at the internship?ā You shook your head. āOf course not. So save it.ā
You managed to get out of his grip and continued walking away, ignoring him as he called out your name again. When you were a few meters away, you turned around and said, venom only in your voice, āI hope you realize how selfish you are, Jay.ā
Thatās when his heart broke.
ā
Jay had been right when he said people wouldnāt care about the two of you ādating.ā However, the people who did care, your friends, were more confused than anything: you had gone from bickering non stop, to denying couple rumors, to not talking to each other. Itād been a week since your argument with Jay, and you still didnāt want to hear him out. You didnāt want to have anything to do with him: you straight-up ignored him every time he tried to get you to talk to him, had blocked his number and shut down your friends and mom whenever they mentioned him.
You missed him; you missed his stupid arguments, and his stupid jokes, and his stupid face, and how it had started to feel like he genuinely cared for you. Or at least, thatās what heād made you think. And heād made you think it so well, that you thought you might have been starting to genuinely care for him as well. Which only made his betrayal a hundred times worse.
Youād decided to drown your sorrows in textbooks, and spent most of your time at the library. On Thursday, you were searching for the weekās essential reading in the Econ section, and as you took out the book in question, you saw a pair of eyes staring right at you. You tried not to shriek but you felt like your soul had left your body. Youād barely had time to gather your spirits when the culprit had come round to your side of the bookshelf, and of course, it was none other than Lee Heeseung. God, you thought, could that boy get any weirder?
āTrouble in paradise, or so Iāve heard?ā he asked in lieu of a normal greeting. Whatever happened to hello?
āThatās none of your business, Heeseung,ā you replied curtly, opening the book.
He tried not to be taken too aback by your attitude. He was used to stammering and blushing Y/N, not you-better-not-give-me-any-shit Y/N. He wouldnāt say he disliked the change.
āIām not sure why you thought dating a guy like Jay was a good idea in the first place, anyway. You could do a lot better, you know,ā he said, and you couldnāt help but chuckle at the irony of it all. When you didnāt answer, he went on. āYou know, weāve missed you at the frat parties. I know youāve been going to all those boring company events, but donāt you think itād be more fun to let loose with us? Tomorrow night?ā
This made you look up at him. He had that gaze again, the one youād seen all those times, and you remembered why youād liked him for so long. Something about his eyes, about the way he was waiting for you to say yes, made you reply, āIāll think about it.ā You returned his smile and headed back to your seat. You did think going to his party would be fun, and you definitely needed some of that right now.
Plus, you had the perfect dress for the occasion.
ā
So here you were, standing in front of the frat houseās door, Sieun, Sunoo and Keeho at your sides, in the tight black dress Jay had given you but you hadnāt chosen for that one event. They were all used to this kind of party, but youād only been a few times, and although theyād all hyped you up for it, you suddenly felt yourself deflate.Ā
āGuys, what if I just embarrass myself like last time? I donāt think I could live with that-ā
āNope! Weāre not having this conversation again!ā Sieun exclaimed, already pushing you inside. āYou look hot as fuck, and tonight youāre gonna have so much fun and forget all about Jay.ā
Keeho and Sunoo gave her a stern look. āSorry,ā she quickly apologized, but you barely heard her over the bass of the booming music. It was 11 p.m. and the party was well into motion. People were drunkenly dancing on the designated dance floor, and you tried to not conjure up memories of that last party. There were people everywhere you looked: on the staircase, in the backyard, in the kitchen.Ā
Your friends and you headed first to the mini-bar and shot down some vodka for liquid courage. As you started chatting, trying to see who was there, Heeseung approached you.
āY/N! You came! And you look really good,ā he said, taking in your figure. He pulled you into a hug which you returned warmly. The vodka was already having its effects on you, apparently.
āCan I get you guys a drink?ā he asked you and Sieun. Keeho and Sunoo had already disappeared to the dance floor.Ā
āSure,ā you said, smiling up at Heeseung.
Sieun looked between the two of you, and said, āActually, Iāll join the others. Come dance with us soon, Y/N!ā And like that, she was gone, giving you no time to protest. She thought she was being slick, that one.
You and Heeseung chuckled. He got you a red cup and you watched him as he expertly poured different juices and liquors in it. āSo, what made you decide to come?ā he asked, handing you your drink. You took a sip of it and nodded approvingly.
āI just needed a good party. To let loose, like you said. Plus, who am I to deny an invitation from the great Lee Heeseung?ā
Neither of you was sure where all the confidence was coming from. As soon as youād said that, you looked down at your cup and smiled shyly. Heeseung looked at you curiously, but he couldnāt help but grin as well. You chatted a bit more, drinking one, two, three cups of the heavenly concoction Heeseung made for you.Ā
āWanna dance?ā he suddenly offered, extending his hand. Right at that moment, you saw Jay enter the house with Jake and Sunghoon. You saw him look around the room until his eyes zeroed in on you and the boy in front of you. Perfect, you thought. You smiled at Heeseung and took his hand, letting him lead you to the dance floor.
Somebody had dimmed down the lights and Lost in the Fire by The Weeknd was playing loudly, creating a sensual atmosphere in the whole room. Your body started swaying to the music, and you were thankful for the alcohol in your system, ridding your mind of any negative or self-conscious thought; you were just enjoying yourself, exactly like youād wanted to do tonight.
You were getting lost in the music, when a pair of hands on the sides of your waist brought you back to reality. Heeseung got so close to you, you could feel his lips on your ear as they moved to whisper, āHaving fun, princess?āĀ
You nodded fervently, leaning your head back on his shoulder, closing whatever gap there was between your two bodies. His hands traveled from your waist to your hips and you could feel his broad chest against your back as you two moved to the rhythm of the music. From where you were, you had a view of the living room. Jay was sitting there, a girl sitting so close she might as well have been on his lap, but he was staring right at you. You knew never hooked up with random girls at parties, so he had to be doing this to get a reaction out of you. You hated that it worked, that it only made the fire in you burn harder - so as a response, you started grinding your ass against Heeseung.
When the girl actually sat on Jayās lap, you couldnāt look anymore, so you turned around and put your arms around Heeseungās neck and faced him. His eyes had glossed over and he was looking at you with a hunger youād never seen before. Well, that wasnāt true - youād seen him look at other girls that way, and you always knew what happened after that, but you chased the thought out of your mind, forgetting all about that promise youād made to yourself of never becoming another one of his drunk fucks. Now that his attention was on you and you only, you felt yourself wanting more. His hands traveled further down your body as he grabbed at your ass, bringing your hips closer to his. He bent down to press wet kisses up your neck until he reached your ear.Ā
āWanna take this upstairs?ā he asked. It sent shivers down your spine, but you couldnāt tell whether they were good shivers or not. You willed away your hesitation, smiling at him as he took your hand once again, this time leading you to what you assumed was his bedroom. As you walked up the stairs, you scanned the room and sure enough, found Jay sitting on a couch, staring right at you. You thought the beer can in his hand might explode, he was holding it so tight. Feeling you slow down, Heeseung tugged at your hand, and you detached your gaze from Jayās, trying to drown out the feeling of guilt that was creeping up inside you.
As soon as heād closed the door behind you, Heeseung wasted no time in pressing you up against the wall and kissing you hungrily. You hadnāt been kissed many times before, and surely not with such energy, but you were sure it was supposed to feel better. Heeseung was in no measure a bad kisser, he seemed to have the technique down to a T and kept a perfect rhythm. But you felt no fireworks, no butterflies, no light-headedness youād always hoped would come with a good kiss. There was just no passion to it.
After a few minutes of making out, when you were starting to hope heād get on with it, he said, breath irregular, āWhat would Jay say if he saw this, huh? Probably hates the idea of me kissing his precious girlfriend, donāt you think?ā
The mention of Jay hit you like a ton of bricks. āWh-what?ā you stammered, not letting Heeseung kiss you when he leaned in again.
āJay? Your boyfriend?ā he repeated, looking at you bemusedly.
You chuckled once. Then twice. Then you just started laughing. āOh, Jay? Weāre not actually dating,ā you revealed, your filter completely gone because of all the alcohol.
āWhat?ā Heeseung took a sudden step back from you. His confused gaze had turned cold.
āWeāre not dating, I said. Itās all fake, it was to make his parents happy,ā you explained, yourself confused by Heeseungās sudden attitude change.Ā
It was his turn to laugh. āWow. Thatās impressive. You managed to fool me.ā His smile dropped. āNow get the fuck out.ā
āExcuse me?ā you said, crossing your arms over your chest. Who the hell did this guy think he was?
āYou heard me. Get the fuck out. Thereās no point in fucking you if youāre not Jayās girlfriend. Youāre just a random loser.ā
You stared at him for a few seconds, until you started laughing. It only seemed to make him angry. āWhat the fuck are you laughing about? I told you to get out.ā
You sighed amusedly as if Heeseung was just joking around. āI just think itās funny that you wonāt fuck me because Iām not actually Jayās girlfriend, when thatās not stopped you from getting with a different girl every single weekend. Whore,ā you said, adding that last part in a whisper. You didnāt actually care that Heeseung slept around, not anymore, at least, but you wanted to get a reaction from him after the way heād treated you.
But perhaps you went too far, because Heeseungās eyes turned even angrier, and he pushed one of your shoulders harshly, making you almost hit the wall. āIāll tell you one last time. Get out, you pathetic little bitch.āĀ
Just at that moment, the door burst open, revealing a very angry Jay.Ā
āWhat the fuck did you just call her?ā he growled, heading straight for Heeseung and grabbing him by the collar. The other boy didnāt seem fazed, a smile back on his face, as if this whole situation was funny.
āAw, Jongseong is mad Iām not being nice to his little fake girlfriend?ā You guessed Jay mustāve looked confused, because Heeseung continued, āYeah, she told me. To be fair, I shouldāve known even you wouldnāt date a fucking beggar like her.ā
You werenāt quick enough to stop Jay from bringing his fist up to Heeseungās nose. You swore you heard something crack. But as soon as you saw him get ready for another punch, you ran to him and held his arm, shouting, āHeās not worth it, Jay!ā and God, you almost wanted him to punch you because of how clichĆ© that had sounded, but you truly thought Heeseung wasnāt worth losing any energy over.
Your voice seemed to make Jay snap out of his fury, and he looked at you, worry written all over his face. However, that only lasted a second, as his expression then shifted to something youād never seen on his face before, and he grabbed your wrist, leading you out of the room. The commotion had gathered some attention, and you left the house under a bunch of peopleās curious looks and chatter.
What was it with men grabbing you and leading you wherever tonight? You were tired of it, so as soon as youād reached the front yard, you got your wrist out of his grasp, and demanded to know where he thought he was taking you. He grabbed your wrist again, and said, āTo my place. We need to talk.āĀ
The tone in his voice told you it was better not to test him, so you got in his car. Jay was always a safe driver, but this time, he sped through the whole city, even burning some red lights, reaching his apartment on the other side of town in a matter of minutes. You quickly texted your friends your whereabouts so they wouldnāt have to worry. The whole car ride had been silent but you could feel him fuming next to you, and you had no idea what to expect when you entered his apartment.
His place was exactly like youād imagined it: modern, spacious, and way more organized that any other university studentās flat would be, but also had a lot of personal touches. It was very Jay, and if it hadnāt been for the tension between the two of you, youād have immediately felt at ease there.
Jay walked through the dark apartment to the kitchen, where he turned on a single light. You followed him, unsure what else to do. He leaned against his hands on the island counter, head hung low, and you went to stand on the other side of the counter, waiting for his next move. When his head snapped up and he peered straight at you, you could barely decipher the look in his eyes, but thought it contained a mixture of jealousy, anger, andā¦ hunger. Heād never looked at you that way before, and his gaze itself created a ball in the pit of your stomach. You told yourself it really wasnāt the moment, but you couldnāt help but feel desperately attracted to him.
āWhat the fuck were you doing with Heeseung?ā he asked, finally breaking the silence.
You scoffed. āWhat the fuck were you doing with that random girl?āĀ
āI wanted to make you jealous.ā He hadnāt hesitated a second before answering, and his confidence destabilized you. Youād guessed that had been his plan, but hearing him say it made you feel weirdly shy. āNow answer me. What the fuck were you doing with Heeseung?āĀ
You couldnāt hold eye contact anymore, so you looked down at the counter, and replied, āI um, I was drunk, and Iā¦ I wanted to make you jealous too, I guess.ā You looked back up at him, wanting to gauge his reaction. He was now wearing a smug look, like heād won something over you. He slowly walked over to your side of the counter, and when he reached you, he put his hands on the counter on each side of you, making you lean back against it. You gulped at the way he towered over you
āAnd why did you want to make me jealous?ā He was so close to you now that when he uttered those words, voice barely over a whisper, you felt his breath fan over your face. As much as you tried to keep eye contact, your gaze fell down to his lips, and you saw him smirk. He caught your chin between his index finger and thumb, nudging your head up. āEyes up here, doll.ā
Your eyes met his again. He was looking at you so intently, you thought your knees might buckle under you. He cocked an eyebrow, patiently waiting for your reply. āBecause Iā¦āĀ
It was so obvious, but you hadnāt been able to bring yourself to say it, or even let yourself think it, before. But it needed to be put out there, once and for all. There was no point in fighting it anymore. āBecause I like you, Jongseong.ā
To your surprise, his smirk turned into a cheeky grin. It made some of the tension dissipate, but not enough for you to breathe properly again. āI like you too, Y/N.ā You sighed out of relief at his words and mirrored his smile.Ā
āCan I kiss you?ā he said, the thumb that had been holding your chin caressing your bottom lip.
āI thought youād never ask,ā you breathed, and he leaned in, your lips meeting delicately. It stayed that way for a few minutes, until the pent-up feelings that had been threatening to come out finally did, and hunger and passion took over the kiss. Jay was kissing you like a man starved, and all you could do was return everything he was giving you. This was nothing like youād imagined it; it was infinitely better. Talk about fireworks, or butterflies, or light-headedness, you felt like you were on another plane of existence, like a kiss that felt this good and was this freeing wasnāt humanly possible.Ā
Your hands slipped under his shirt and the sudden contact of your cold hands against his warm skin made him shiver. You were glad to see you had as much effect on him as he had on you. Never breaking the kiss, he led you to his bedroom and sat down on his bed, gesturing for you to straddle his lap. Your dress rode up your calves a little bit, and he used this opportunity to pull it further up until it bundled up around your hips, leaving your lower half almost naked. You could feel how hard he was getting underneath your clothed core, and as the kiss grew needier, you started grinding against him, getting the both of you off. When you heard him groan against your lips, something snapped in you, and you wanted to hear that sound over and over, so you doubled down on your actions.Ā
His hands, which had been resting on your ass, came up to the nape of your neck, and he grabbed you by the hair, exposing your neck to him. He started pressing down eager kisses along your jawline, throat, and collarbones. When he found a spot in the crook of your neck you particularly liked, he started attacking it like crazy, sucking at the skin and turning you into a moaning mess. One of his hands came to cup your breast and he was very glad to find you were not wearing a bra. Your nipple had hardened through the fabric, and he started playing with it. That, as well the feeling of him in your neck and against your core, was overwhelming, and you felt like you were about to pass out because of how good it all felt. You didnāt know what to do with your hands so you alternated between running them over his arms and tugging at his hair.
As your lips met again, teeth almost clashing because of the intensity, you started unbuttoning his shirt. When it was off, you couldnāt not stare at him. Youād had an idea already, but you still couldnāt believe how toned his arms, chest and abs were. You thought to yourself, God, heās so hot, and hadnāt realized youād actually said it out loud until he jokingly said, āYeah?ā, looking up at you with the biggest smile. His hands ran over your calves, your thighs and your ass, sending shivers along the way, and he said, āYouāre not too bad yourself, doll.ā He kissed you with much more gentleness than before. āIn fact, youāre the prettiest girl Iāve ever laid eyes on.ā
You kissed him so he wouldnāt see the blush spreading on your face. He put his hand on your lower back, and guided you down on the bed until you were laying on your back, him hovering over you. He pulled your dress all the way up, helping you get rid of it. You were now left in only panties in front of him, and you wouldāve imagined that to be intimidating, but his gaze was truly making you feel like a goddess. Nonetheless, you didnāt want to be the only one naked, so you tucked your fingers under his trousersā waistband, gesturing for him to take them off. He chuckled but immediately obliged, getting rid of them in a matter of seconds. You had an even better view of his now fully-hard cock, and its size made you gulp. Your mind was quickly off of that, though, as he started trailing kisses all the way down to your breasts, taking one of your nipples in his mouth as his hand came up to the other. Your back arched at the sensation, and you only wanted more, more, more. Your fingers tugged at his hair and you breathed out his name between moans.Ā
After a few minutes, he traveled further down your body, until he was face to face with your dripping core. He hooked his fingers under your panties, looking up at you and asking you if this was okay. You nodded impatiently and he chuckled at your reaction. How could you be so cute even in this moment? He took your panties off excruciatingly slowly. You wanted to take your time, but you also wanted him where you needed him the most.
You did feel a bit shy when he stared at your sex with the utmost wonder, musing to himself, āSo pretty.ā He slid a finger between your folds, making you moan in relief and pleasure, and added, āSo wet, too.ā
You had lifted your body onto your forearms so you could take a good look at him. He peered up at you and, with a small smile, asked gently, āTell me if it feels good, okay?ā
āOkay,ā you replied, nodding fervently.
Without wasting another second, he licked a stripe up your core, making you moan again, louder this time. He took that as confirmation to go on and continued exploring your pussy with his tongue. You practically screamed out in pleasure when he found your clit, and by the time he started sucking on it, your thighs were shaking like crazy. You didnāt have any strength left in your body and your forearms gave out under you, so you just lied down on your back, fingers still tangled in and pulling his hair. You hadnāt been able to actually tell him it felt good, but you were sure he understood that much.
One of his fingers, and then a second, entered you, filling you up. āShit, doll, youāre so tight. How are you gonna handle my cock?ā
He curled his fingers inside you and they hit a certain spot that made you see stars, and you were coming all over his fingers and tongue in a matter of seconds, screaming out his name and a string of blasphemies. You had to physically lift his head from your core, telling him it was too much, otherwise he wouldāve kept going. He gave you a sheepish smile and you couldnāt believe the boy grinning at you was the same one whoād just said and done all those lewd things to you. He pressed a small kiss on your inner thigh, then lay down next to you on the bed, taking in your flushed cheeks and blown-over eyes. He couldnāt believe he got to have you like this, in your most vulnerable state, all to himself.Ā
When youād calmed down from your high, you managed to say, āThat was amazing, Jay.ā
He let out a soft chuckle and kissed your forehead, then trapped your lips with his own. You could taste yourself on his tongue, but you didnāt mind. After a few minutes of lazily making out, you threw your leg over his to position yourself over his hips, and started pressing feather-like kisses down his neck. Heād made you feel so good, and you intended to return the favor.
You felt him sigh at your touch, but before you could go too far down, he stopped you by bringing his hands to both sides of your face, making you look up at him.
āDid I do something wrong?ā you immediately asked, worry laced in your voice.
āNo, no. God, no, youāre perfect.ā he replied. āI justā¦ I still feel so guilty for what I did, and I feel like I donāt deserve you right now.ā
āJayā¦ā
He hid his face in the crook of your neck and held your waist tightly. āIām so sorry, Y/N. Youāre right, I was being selfish. I shouldāve known you wanted that internship, and I knew you wouldnāt get it if my dad thought we were dating, butā¦ Iāve wanted to be with you for such a long time, and when I had the chance to have you, even if it was just pretend, even if it meant lying to you, I couldnāt bring myself to not take that chance. Iām so sorry.ā
You had completely forgotten the events of that week, and of that night. Your argument with Jay and Heeseungās words seemed light-years away. āHow long have you liked me?ā you couldnāt help but ask. You shouldāve been surprised by Jayās confession, but for some reason, it made sense - what didnāt make sense was how you hadnāt noticed it, or how youād thought it wasnāt possible that you might like him, too.
āSince we met,ā he admitted shyly. āI wouldāve told you, but you seemed to enjoy arguing with me so much, I was scared youād just make fun of me.ā
Since youād metā¦ so, three years? And heād never said anything? āTo be honest, I probably wouldāve made fun of you at first,ā you agreed light-heartedly. āBut I also think it wouldāve made me realize what an amazing person you are earlier. Iām sorry it took me so long.ā
āThatās okay. I wouldāve waited my whole life if it meant I could have you at the end.ā Butterflies erupted all over your stomach at his words. You kissed him like youād stop breathing if you didnāt.
Now that Jay had gotten what he wanted to say off his chest, youād hoped you could continue your previous actions, and started pressing kisses down his neck, but he soon stopped you again.
āIām getting the feeling you donāt want me to go down on you,ā you said, half-joking.
He grinned and closed his eyes, as if fighting himself back. āI do, I promise you, I do.ā When he opened his eyes again, they were full of affection. āBut weāve got so much time for that later. I just want to feel you around me right now. Would that be okay?ā he asked, voice soft.
Your core pulsed at the thought of Jay inside you, and you nodded, breath growing erratic again. Jay gently lay you on your back, and took off his black boxers so that the two of you were finally completely naked, revealing his throbbing cock. He was right, how were you going to handle it? He rummaged around in his bedside drawer for a condom, and put it on with nervous hands.Ā
He lined his tip at your entrance, pressing soft kisses all over your face and neck before pushing in as if to get you to relax. He kissed you gently on the lips. āTell me if it hurts, and Iāll stop right away.ā
He waited for you to nod again, and finally entered you. It immediately stretched you out like never before. The sound of you taking a sharp breath in made Jay stop in his tracks. You wrapped your hands around his biceps for support, then, letting out a deep sigh, told him to go on. He pushed in inch by inch until he finally bottomed out. You both let out a hearty moan at the feeling. It was so perfect.
He didnāt move for a few minutes, letting you adjust to his size. You had your eyes closed and were focused on relaxing, until all at once the pain of the stretch turned into pleasure, and you breathed out, āPlease, move.ā He obeyed and started rocking in and out of you, making you feel each inch of his length inside you. The sensation was intoxicating. You couldnāt stop any of the moans escaping your throat, and Jay took that as a green light to go gradually faster. Your bodies were moving at the exact same pace and you thought the two of you molded together perfectly, as if this was what you had been meant to do your whole life. His fingers were tightly gripping your hips as he thrusted into you harder and harder, making you moan so loud you were practically screaming in pleasure.
āYou feel so fucking good, Y/N,ā he said, throwing his head back and letting out a deep moan himself. Your hands roamed all over his body, unable to stay in one place at a time. He suddenly changed the angle of his hips and started hitting that spot inside you he had found earlier with his fingers, making your mind go hay-wire.Ā
āFuck, right there, Jay!ā you screamed out, as he brought your hips down to his faster than you thought was humanly possible. Soon, you were coming again, and the feeling of you clenching down around him made him shoot his release into the condom. He fell on top of you, unable to carry his weight on his arms anymore. He only had enough strength to pull out and discard the condom, before nestling his head between your breasts. Tiredness seeped through your bones, and you both fell asleep in seconds, completely naked and arms around each other.
Jay woke up a few hours later, a cramp in his arm because of how you were laying down on it - the two of you had apparently switched positions at some point during the night. He softly pulled his arm away, trying not to wake you up. He checked his phone; it was 4:29 a.m. He looked down at you, admiring how soft you looked when you were sleeping. He still couldnāt believe his luck, it all felt like a dream to him. But then you shifted slightly, letting out a small whimper, probably because of a dream, and Jay knew this was happening for sure. He hugged you tightly, breathing in the scent of your hair, and, knowing you were fast asleep, murmured, āI love you.ā
ā
The sunlight peeking through the curtains and hitting your face softly was what woke you up the next morning. You were relieved to feel Jayās arms around your waist as he hugged you from behind. You gently turned around, curious about what he looked like in the morning.
As expected, he was perfect.
You observed him for a while until his eyes fluttered open. āGood morning, handsome,ā you whispered, pushing away the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes.
āGood morning,ā he replied, smiling sleepily. āCreep.ā
Quietly, you gasped dramatically and said, āIs a girl a creep for looking at her boyfriend as he sleeps in the morning?ā
He cocked an eyebrow. āBoyfriend, huh?ā he teased.
You grinned at him. āYeah.ā
āWell,ā he said, returning your grin and tightening his grip around your waist, āmy girlfriend can look at me all she wants.ā
Youād technically been dating Jay for over three months now, but knowing it was finally real and not just pretend made you giddy. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and kissed him there, trying to hide your shy smile.Ā
He took your head and lifted it to place a delicate kiss on your lips, which you returned like it was second nature. When you pulled away, you jokingly said, āMh. Morning breath,ā but Jayās eyes opened wide and he immediately put his hand over his mouth, asking, āSeriously?ā
You laughed at him and pulled his hands down, going back in for a kiss. It soon escalated, and you were reminded of the fact that neither of you had clothes on when you could feel Jayās hardness pressing against your thigh. He apologized shyly, but you told him it was fine, and that youād take care of it.Ā
This time, when you two made love, it was much slower and light-hearted than the previous night, as if the two of you had finally realized that you had all the time in the world and could enjoy every single second. It was the perfect thing to wake up to.
You two lazied in bed, alternating between slowly making out and daydreaming together, until his stomach rumbled loudly and you really needed to pee. When you joined him in the kitchen, he was heating up waffles on the stove. You hooked your arms around his waist, pressing your chest to his back, and he hummed softly.
āJay?ā you whispered, lips just millimeters away from his ear.
āYes, doll?ā
āI love you too.ā
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slow dance
spencer reid x gender neutral reader
summary: you're the only person whose brought out this side of spencer since maeve. and when you two are in rossi's backyard, slow dancing to the music from inside alone, it's when he realizes he'd really like to keep you around.
warnings: fluffy talk about relationships, teensy bit of angst about past relationships and self doubt, happy ending tho!!
ā¬ā .Ė now playing slow dance by clairo
a/n: first fic bare with me we're getting there!!
arms tangled around one another, stepping on eachothers feet, whispering sweet nothings together then laughing because you can't take eachother seriously when it's so quiet.
that's been the entirety of your life for the last hour, with spencer. not your friend, not your boyfriend, but some secret third option in between.
"you look nice tonight." he compliments, and you're sure it's for the millionth time tonight, "i don't think i've ever seen you dressed... formally?"
you're not wearing anything particularly fancy, but it's not exactly casual either. again, a secret third option.
there seems to be a theme of that tonight.
either way, you muster up the courage to tease him, "i don't look nice every other night?"
"well, you know that's not what i meant, i just mean, like, especially tonight. y'know?" he rambles as he moves his hands to your waist again.
"i'm just messing with you." you smile back, arms staying wrapped around his shoulders.
finally, the music from inside starts back up, a slower song.
one of the windows in the kitchen is cracked open just enough for the music to be heard from rossi's backyard. more specifically the pretty, fairy light decorated gazebo he loved to talk about whenever he got the chance as if he didn't live in a mansion.
"you look good tonight too. i'd say i never really see you in stuff like this but that'd be a lie." you say, hands running over his chest, tracing the tie tucked neatly into his brown blazer.
"that's not true. i'm not even wearing my converse, you have to admit that's different." he smiles, teasing back.
he was never really good with sarcasm. penelope prides herself in being the one to fix that, but really, something just clicked in him with you.
"but... thank you." he adds, "i tried to dress a little nicer for you."
"didn't try and out-dress me? how kind." you teased again, and he smiles. he loves that little expression you'd get that told him you thought of something witty to say.
"i know, right?" his smile never falters, only growing more as he looks down at you.
it's quiet for a moment, you two swaying back and forth, your head against his chest as he rests his chin right on top of it.
you're not sure if it gets better than this. how it gets better than this, if that.
"i'm glad garcia convinced you to come. maybe because she knew i'd be here." you hum.
"she didn't really convince me. she just... told me you were coming to one for once." he admits, and that makes your heart flutter.
"i don't miss them that much." you lie.
"in your four years at the bau with us, you've come to a total of three. once a year." he say it likes it's a joke, but it's true.
"hey. it's four, now. and if you promise to go to the christmas one, i'll make it five." you reach down to take his hands in yours, squeezing them.
it's true you never really came to these things. you loved the team. of course you did. you were on good terms with all of them. you just didn't trust yourself with alcohol and being in the same room as spencer at the same time. you'd never tell anyone as much, though.
"good. rossi's backyard is prettier in the snow." he replies.
"slow dancing with girls in rossi's backyard a common occurrence, then?" you tease once more, but he takes it at face value.
"me? of course not. i'd never. seriously. just you." his hands squeeze yours once again before moving back to your waist.
"just me." you echo his words. it felt good.
it gets quiet again, and you two are back to the comfort of swaying in one anothers arms. as if there weren't thousands of words left unspoken between the two of you.
what coworkers turned friends slow dance together like this? say things so sickeningly sweet? not ones that were actually just that. coworkers. friends.
it would be laughable, even. because it's not like you haven't seen jj peeking out the window and smile at the sight of you two, or rossi deciding to open the window so you could hear the music to begin with. he wasn't slick, that's for sure.
you weren't one to talk, and neither was spencer.
"what are you thinking about?" he asks, picking up on your silence that goes on longer than you usually let it.
"nothing and everything."
"you can't actually think about nothing. it involves concepts and ideas just to be thinking at all, which is nearly unstoppable unless you're actively stopping it. like if you're meditating right now. and i have a feeling you aren't doing that." he rambles, giving a smartass reply you didn't need, but always appreciated because you'd get to feel his chest lowly hum and hear his voice all at once.
but that's besides the point.
"then everything." you reply, half expecting him to launch the conversation into why that's not humanly possible.
instead, you're caught off guard when you hear, "in a bad way or good way?"
"more good than bad." your hands run over his hair for a moment. curly and oddly soft. he did try a little harder tonight.
"well that's more good than bad." he pauses and continues, voice less... sure, if that was even the right word, "what about, though?"
should you say the truth or lie? because nothing at all would be a lie. but you don't wanna bring up the inevitable when you two are so cozy already.
"us, i guess." you give in. please don't ask further, please don't make this a thingā
"...what about us exactly?" he asks further. makes it a thing. you'd make a comment about mind reading but aren't sure if it'd be appropriate.
"i mean... y'know. we both know. don't we? just... us." you gesture to you two again, before seeing his expression and sighing, "what we are..."
"what we are? as in our relationship status?" he asks, nervously fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, "i didn't know it's been on your mind."
it's quiet for a moment, because you both know his question is rhetorical despite it coming out seriously. you both know what you said.
you don't know why this topic holds so much negative weight right now when you could be approaching it with so much more positively. but you're just worrying about one thing: if he's still with the mindset that maeve was the only one for him.
he wasn't the type to play with a girl's feelings, though. you trusted him. it's come with liking him.
"you're overthinking again. i can tell." he brushed a hair through your hair, pulling your head back to his chest.
"you know this stuff isn't easy for me." he adds a little quieter. "at all."
"i know." and you almost say you're sorry for even letting it get this far into the conversation, but you don't.
he rocks you back and forth, cupping your head in his hand. in this position your ears right next to his heart and you can hear how it beats faster when you wrap your arms back around his waist.
"i'll always miss her. but i... i was talking to garcia a few days ago. she reminded me that i shouldn't give up just because of what happened. it's almost like she knew exactly what was going on in my head and it was kinda terrifying to hear but also it helped more than i'd like to admit." he explains.
it was always penelope. the angel of the office.
"with that being said," he adds, unexpectedly, not giving you time to process his previous words completely, "i think she knows how much i actually like you and i never even told her."
oops. guilty as chargedāadd that to the list of things you'd tell him only after you two were a thing. and not that secret third thing.
"maybe we're not as discreet as we think we are." you smile at the thought.
just as the words leave your mouth, you hear the window open a little more, seeing emily smiling with that i just got caught look before looking back at jj and returning to her with a laugh. talk about comedic timing.
"i like you a lot too, though. it's why i think about us a lot." you add yourself.
"it's just... hard after everything. what if i'm just a string of bad luck? what if something happens to you because of me?" he can't help but start up as he does with certain topics.
"i work in the bau myself, spence. you aren't any more of a threat to me than my daily job itself." you'd tease softly.
the third, but technically only second person he'd let call him that without him cringing.
"i can't argue with that." he admits, nodding, "but you know what i'm talking about. i mean..." he trails off.
"everyone i love has been taken away from me." he says. "i don't exactly have a good track record."
you feel like he's making this out to be he's protecting you when really he's just protecting himself. which makes more sense, now that you think about it like that.
but you also don't really know what to say to that. i won't let that happen. but the both of you know it's a promise you can't guarantee you'll keep.
"say something. anything." he whispers, voice filled with an unfamiliar feeling. anxiety, maybe?
"...i won't let it happen to you again." you mumble against his chest, feeling the way his breath catches in his throat before letting out a shaky exhale.
"you don't know that." he tenses up once more.
"i don't. but i'll try." your grip tightens in his blazer.
"god, how do i say no to you? i can't. the words don't come out." he sighs, almost frustrated. you think it's directed at himself, if anyone, though.
"sometimes i feel like you're nothing but an angel sent down by maeve herself. she'd love you, you know that?" he says and you feel your eyes burn.
"i wish she could've met you." he mumbles, kissing the top of your head, "i wish you could've met a less damaged me. i wish a lot of things, even if the probability of even one, if not all, happening is quite literally 0%." he rambles.
"you're in your head again, spence. too in your head." you point out. he laughs.
"i feel like i always am." he says, a little quieter.
"i don't think you're... damaged." you say, stroking his curly hair again, "you're just hurt. hurting. that's different, to me. that's what i think at least. it's not like you're not getting better."
"too good for me..." he shakes his head, but less defensive this time.
"just think about it, okay?" you say. you remember neither of you explicitly said what it was you were talking about. making it official. but it was implied, right?
"i will. we should get inside." he hums, "don't want you getting any colder in that outfit."
it slips out when you don't intend it to and your heart drops.
"will you be my boyfriend?"
he's quiet, and when you try and pull away to look at him, he holds your head to his chest with one hand. firm but gentle. three words that sum him up perfectly.
"...are you sure?" he first asks, pulling away to look right down into your eyes, hands on either side of your face.
you double down, "of course i am. very sure."
he's just looking down at you now, silently, but you know it's not so silent in that head of his right now. you let him stay in his head for a moment.
"...i still think you're too good for me. but..." he trails off, "yeah. iājust, yeah. i'd really like that."
your lips quirk up into a smile at that, arms still wrapped around his shoulders as they tighten ever so slightly, and you notice how he starts to smile too just from yours.
you see him nervously take his lower lip between his teeth before speaking up.
"can i, er, kiss you?" he asks, studying your face for a moment before his eyes flit up to your own.
you're caught off guard, but give a small yet eager nod, feeling his hands run down to cup your cheeks.
once he has your approval, he's leaning down in the blink of an eye, leaving a small kiss to your lips. this one's gentle, testing the waters.
he takes a brief moment to grasp your reaction, and when he sees it, he leans back down to press a longer kiss to your lipsāmouth on yours, tongue running over your lips after you ease into it.
it lasts a bit, his hands on your face before one slips down to your waist and the other to tuck your hair out of your face before resting it on the side of your neck delicately, as if you were glass threatening to shatter.
you two finally pull away, breathing in a series of short gasps and sighs as you feel him press his forehead to yours.
"i hope you know you're gonna be the death of me." he breathes out, caressing the side of your face.
that makes you grin and bring him into another kiss, pulling him down against you.
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds fanfiction#fandom#criminal minds fic#fanfic#first fic#first fanfic#first fanfiction#songfic#i love songfics#sooo much
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Although this post focuses on the argument about Gabriel, I think this little passage just before the comedy of the Crowley/Gabriel encounter is crucial.
It is Crowley who first affirms the "we."
He could have said, "Jim, who's Jim?" but instead he asks, "Do WE know a Jim?"
"If that isn't fierce protectiveness...
And it's normal, Crowley saw with his own eyes what Gabriel was capable of, what he was going to do to Aziraphale, so of course he reacts that way to Aziraphale's blindness.
They're both stubborn, and I'm thinking about what Nina will say in the last episode:Ā
"You're the hard one who can never trust anyone again, and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one who still believes in magic."
That's exactly how it plays out.
Crowley does not trust Gabriel, with good reason, but does not explain all the reasons.
Aziraphale is blinded by his empathy.
They don't really talk.
They don't listen to each other.
The proof:
The "exactly" conversationĀ
"Gabriel has no friends"
Crowley: Exactly, and that's normal. Considering what he's done (not trusting).
Aziraphale: Exactly, that's why we have to be his friends (believes in magic).
I remember when we saw the sneak peek, we all saw that little gasp before Crowley said "peaceful.Ā
This existence is more than important to him, it's "precious." That's a very strong word. Something precious has a very high value (emotional, moral); it's something that we are very attached to, that we hold very dear. So of course he sees Gabriel as a threat that could destroy that precious existence.
I've been thinking a lot about the fact that Crowley is speaking in the first person, but I realized that I still hear that "we" when he says "the existence I've carved out for myself here. Crowley means "the existence I carved out for myself here, with you."
And he gets angry when Aziraphale emphasizes the "we" because the angel has already made up his mind to help Gabriel. Aziraphale has decided what to do and expects Crowley to follow.
Aziraphale says "we" but acts as "I" and Crowley says "I" but thinks "we".Ā
And the more I watch it, the more I see it as a foreshadowing of the last scene of the season.
One more time.Ā
They're not talking to each other.
They're not listening to each other.
And the rest of the conversation changes nothing. Personally, I find Aziraphale a little manipulative, but it's also his last attempt to get Crowley to join his cause. Which, as we know, will come to nothing. (for now)
āTo go?āĀ
āOh, right, this is how you wanna do it?ā
āNo, I would love you to help me. Iām asking you to help me take care of him. But if you wonāt, you wonāt.āĀ
āYeah, I wonāt.ā
To end on a positive/fun note.
We've seen Crowley throw his glasses around carelessly a few times.Ā
Now, when I'm angry and I'm looking for something, if it's not in its usual place, I'm going to have trouble finding it.
Crowley is angry right now, but he knows exactly where his glasses are. Because they're in their usual place.Ā He has a place for his glasses in the bookshop. (Probably my wishful thinking again, but let me dream).
Breakfast's ramblings, it's only my messy thoughts, as always bear with me ^^'
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#anthony j crowley#Mr A. Z. Fell#michael sheen#david tennant#šš#good omens 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#aziraphale x crowley#crowley x arizaphale
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Percy Jackson x Surfer! Reader
warnings; none ! author's note; starting to notice how useful my obsession with the beach really is for writing.. thank you Amphitrite for this blessing !! my favorite sport and my favorite boy, literally perfect !
like my marnie biologist reader one, match destined by the Fates !
you probably met on the beach when percy was out at the cabin with his mom and he instantly knew he needed you in is life.
sally was honestly here for it because well, that's how she met Poseidon !
consider it a family meet cute that passes down from generation to generation
you guys collect seashells together ?
personally i'd say for jewelry making but that's up to y'all <9
you teaching percy how to surf and he's automatically good at it !!!
you think he's already done it before be he swears he's never even touched a surfboard before you met
just one of his lovely sea child traits i suppose
MATCHING BOARDS
percy def rides longboard but definitely tried shortboard once and fell into the water
def learned how to wax surfboards just for you !
goes to all your competitions if you compete
he only doesn't show up if it interferes with his swim meets
WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT POINT !
he yaps about you to his team all time
like "Oh you're a good swimmer ? Well my partner is even better AND they surf !"
he's hopeless really
has grown so used to the smell of sunscreen at this point he could probably get the exact brand you use based on the scent alone
doesn't want to be in your way while you surf so he just sits in the sand and draws little hearts with your initials
you guys did that one trend where people find rocks on the beach that match their partners eye colors
you know the one
he learned how to wrap stones just so you guys could wear them as necklaces
(need someone like him so bad)
cruel summer coded relationship may i say ?
when you're just chillin' on the beach he always talks about how you could totally make it to the Olympics
you take his remarks at face value but it definitely helps with your confidence !
unironically says cowabunga now ??
you don't even use it, probably
he just thinks he's a comedic genius
freaked out a little when you turtle rolled in front of him
(i choked on water the first time so can't even blame the man)
thought you were going to drown then you popped back up and smiled at him like nothing happened
needless to say, that's how he learned that term
your first kiss was probably during sunset or something cheesy like that, sitting on your boards and he just
leans over and kisses you, ignoring the fact you tasted like saltwater because it was you
it's now a little tradition that you kiss before going out <9
ending it here because i can and will ramble about this man and surfing forever and everš
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hi love!! i love your writing and i was wondering if you could write for spencer and cinephile!reader, maybe she wanted to study film in college but couldnĀ“t (totally not self projecting here) and now she just loves to watch new movies with spencer when he gets time off of work. she throws random movie facts throught the day and it's the only time where spencer is left speechless lol.
yes!! oh my god how cute
āŗĖāļ½”Ā°ā©āā©Ā°ļ½”āĖāŗĖāļ½”Ā°ā©āā©Ā°ļ½”āĖāŗĖāļ½”Ā°ā©āā©Ā°ļ½”āĖāŗ
Cinephile
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Category: fluff
Warnings/Includes: none!
Word count: 608
main masterlist
Itās a quiet evening, the kind where the world feels a little softer, a little more at ease. You and Spencer are curled up on the couch, a cozy blanket draped over your legs, and the warm glow of the television casting a gentle light across the room. The two of you have just finished watching yet another classic, and as the credits roll, you can feel Spencer's gaze lingering on you.
You turn to him, noticing the way his eyes seem to shine, a small smile playing on his lips. āWhat?ā you ask, though you already know the answer. Heās always like this after you watch a movie togetherācaptivated, not just by the film, but by your passion for it.
Spencer shrugs, a playful grin spreading across his face. āNothing, I just love listening to you talk about movies. You know so much, itās fascinating.ā His voice is soft, filled with genuine admiration.
You feel a warmth spread through your chest, the kind of warmth that only comes from being truly understood. āIāve always loved movies,ā you say, your voice taking on that familiar excitement that only film can bring out in you. āThereās just something magical about how everything comes togetherāthe direction, the cinematography, the editing. Itās likeā¦every detail matters, you know?ā
Spencer nods, completely entranced by your words. āYou make it sound like an art form,ā he says, his voice almost reverent.
āBecause it is!ā you reply, your enthusiasm bubbling over. āTake that one scene, for example,ā you begin, launching into an explanation of how the lighting created a specific mood, how the camera angles conveyed a sense of intimacy, how the music subtly underscored the tension without overpowering the dialogue.
As you talk, you can see Spencer soaking up every word, his eyes never leaving yours. Heās not just listeningāheās absorbing, understanding, appreciating. Itās moments like these when you realize how lucky you are to have someone who values your passions, someone who listens with such intent, who sees the beauty in the things you love.
When you finally pause to take a breath, Spencer reaches out, taking your hand in his. āI love hearing you talk about this,ā he says, his voice sincere. āYouāre so passionate, and it makes me see things in a new way. I wish I couldāve seen you in film schoolāyou wouldāve been amazing.ā
You smile, squeezing his hand. āMaybe, but I wouldnāt trade this for anything. I love our movie nights, and I love that you let me ramble on about all this stuff.ā
āRamble?ā Spencer chuckles, shaking his head. āYou could never ramble. You make it come alive for me, like Iām seeing the film through your eyes.ā
Your heart swells at his words, and for a moment, youāre speechless. Spencer Reid, the man who can quote statistics and facts like theyāre second nature, is left in awe by your love for film. Itās a feeling thatās hard to describe, but you know itās something special, something youāll always treasure.
As the credits finish rolling and the screen fades to black, you snuggle closer to Spencer, resting your head on his shoulder. āSo,ā you say, your voice teasing, āwhat did you think of the movie?ā
He smiles, resting his cheek against your hair. āI think it was perfect,ā he replies, his voice a soft murmur. āBut I think hearing you talk about it was even better.ā
And as you sit there together, you realize that it doesnāt matter what life path was chosen for you. What matters is that youāre here now, sharing what you love with someone who loves you just as much, if not more.
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tag list <333 @dirtytissuebox @yokaimoon @khxna @noelliece @dreamsarebig @sleepey-looney @cocobean16 @i-live-in-spite @placidus @criminalmindssworld @lilu842 @greatoperawombategg @charismatic-writer @fxoxo @hearts4spensco @furrybouquettrash @kathrynlakestone @chaneladdicted @time-himself @mentallyunwellsposts @sapph1re @idefktbh17 @gilwm @reggieswriter @loumouse @spencerreidsreads @i-live-in-spiteĀ
#spencer reid#criminal minds#doctor spencer reid#dr spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid criminal minds#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid one shot#criminal minds fandom#spencer reid x y/n#bau team#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x self insert#inbox#inbox open
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this was for a request for an edwin payne/gn reader dating hcs but i accidentally deleted the ask SORRYYY šš if you requested it here you go !!
edwin payne/reader dating hcs
a/n: there is nothing in this pertaining to the reader's gender but i'd like to clarify they are not a girl, as edwin is not attracted to women (to my knowledge)
reader can be read as either alive or dead
tags: gn!reader
what dating edwin payne would be like...
- before you started dating, or at the start of your relationship, edwin would be a little closed off (as is expected from him) but it was still obvious to everyone he had a soft spot for you
- even if he didnt outwardly show how taken with you he really was, it would be obvious through his actions alone
- on cases, he would especially watch out for your safety
- if you're sick or feeling even slightly unwell he will suggest you take a break from this case
- "i will come back to you. i promise." when you protest that he might need you there
- he'll give you long, long hugs when he returns
- lying in bed together after the case, facing each other, as he tells you about it
- would lay down with his head between your shoulder and neck, tracing patterns over your hand and wrist
- isn't terribly fond of pda but cheek kisses and hand holding, or linking your pinkies together are always on the table
- will also let you, and enjoy it when, you latch onto his arm
- this boy would totally try to court you
- at first his gifts would be typical types of gifts, like flowers or something expensive and fancy because he wants you to think highly of him
- but then one day he finds a silly stuffed animal he thinks you'd like and gives it to you
- you LOVE it ofc, and you dont waste a second in telling him
- he's a bit surprised but is happy you love it and would grin at you fully once you promise that yes, you really do think it's lovely
- after that, if he finds anything he knows you'll like, or if you say you want something, he WILL get it for you
- edwin taking you out on dates:
- he would put a lot of effort into your first date because, with all the running away from supernatural beings that want to kill you, he thinks both of you deserve a little normal
- imagine: a museum date, but at a kind of obscure museum that showcases ancient artifacts or something
- edwin would know a lot of facts about the different pieces and tell you about them
- however he will feel bad about going on too long, because this is your first date and he doesn't want to put you off already
- "i... apologise. i'm rambling."
- you: 'i don't mind. it's... attractive how smart you are."
- you were totally gonna say 'sexy' but is edwin really ready for that?? maybe not.
- then you kiss him before he can react, and his system kind of crashes (yeah, definitely not ready for 'sexy' just yet)
- he appreciates how you value his whole personality and genuinely love all parts of him
- he loves you just as much, if it wasn't obvious
- his love languages would probably be quality time and acts of service
- constantly making excuses to be near you
- "[ ] and i will go conduct some research in the library, the three of you can interview the witnesses."
- he thinks he's being subtle but charles, crystal, and niko always grin at you knowingly
- "have fun, lovebirds! try not to get distracted," <- coming from either of the other three, or maybe even all of them in unison
- edwin will splutter and blush
- once he realises there's no use in hiding how whipped he is for you, he'll outright say he wants to "go with his [boyfriend/partner]" to do whatever he wants to do
- he likes saying it out loud that you're together - it makes him feel giddy inside in a way no one else has before
- if you want a specific book for your research he'll take finding it very seriously
- you need a book from the top shelf? he's on it (like, literally on it, because if there's no step stool around he might actually climb the bookshelf)
- getting tired from your research? he'll mirror travel to a coffee shop and get you a drink and a sweet treat
- edwin would get jealous, and once he's secure in the relationship he would show it
- in the case of you being alive: imagine someone trying to flirt with you, maybe in the library or something from the earlier scenario
- he would knock over a book on purpose to spook the person who dared to flirt with HIS s.o
- when you tease him for it later he'll mutter something about being 'possibly a bit jealous.'
- it isn't that he doesn't trust you, as he will of course clarify, he's just very protective
#edwin payne/reader#edwin payne x reader#edwin payne x you#edwin paine/reader#edwin paine x reader#edwin paine#edwin payne#dead boy detectives x reader#dead boy detectives headcanons#dead boy detectives/reader#dead boy detectives#dbd
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Why I cuss (affectionately) at my deities, sometimes, and why it's important to me
I'm having some feelings tonight, so here have another "Frog is rambling again" post. This one's about Loki, because they seem intent on speedrunning teaching me shit. Seriously it's been like three weeks.
I wasn't prepared for what working with Loki actually looks like. /pos
Because what that actually looks like, apparently, is sitting watching a comedy anime and getting the distinct vibe that it has a sense of humor that Loki enjoys. And then realizing that's because Loki is actively hanging around... watching fuckin' anime with me. Why the hell would Loki want to watch a dumb comedy anime with the funny little guy he works with?
Seeing a post about watching comedy as a devotional act to Loki later felt intentional, so I ended up deciding to do just that.
Thing is, I grew up exposed to the idea that God is an all-powerful being who deserves nothing less than the best and humans are the scum of the earth. I'm only now seeing that it's been damaging my relationship with my deities. I'm afraid to just chat with them 'too casually.' I apologize if I feel like I said something that's too disrespectful. I've apologized to Loki multiple times because he pulled some shit and my response was "god damnit Loki" or "you motherfucker."
And then they remind me that I call my mom the same thing, and she laughs. It's the same with my friends. All because it's not insulting, or disrespectful, it's a sign of affection. I would never say that and mean it; they know that, so it's funny. It's playful.
Amongst many other things, Loki is teaching me that joy is to be valued. This world tells us that it's dumb, childish, or any other assortment of negative descriptors- and that it has no place in spirituality. Certainly no place in the presence of a god- and that's fucking sad. I think Loki is sad about it too. I think Loki's fucking pissed, actually. How dare we be made to feel shame for what makes us happy. The gods deserve to partake in our joy and our fun just as much as they deserve to be part of our sorrow and fear.
Maybe it's just me, but I'm starting to think that hanging out with some fucker who's scrolling through memes and blasting music might just be a nice change of pace for them.
#I dunno#I just feel like we feel so much shame about what we take joy in#and our deities are just blocked off from that part of our life#or at least that's my experience rn#like actually I think I've been doing them a grave disservice by not allowing them to know the parts of me that do ādumb stuffā#that's one of my favorite parts of life#and of my friendships#knowing the joy we take in ādumbā things#witchcraft#paganism#paganblr#witchblr#eclectic pagan#pagan#pagan witch#witch community#deity work#loki deity#loki devotee#norse gods#norse pantheon#norse paganism#christianity tw#tw religion
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