i had a wonderful trip to europe!! i had some very delicious pastries and bread and crêpes and pasta (mmmm carbssss), unfortunately still have yet to find any decent bacon in europe. 😩 it’s all floppy and chewy and undercooked which is made weirder by how thinly it’s sliced. thinner should be easier to get a properly crisp edge + rendered to that melt in your mouth texture!!
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Transcript:
[From MAG 92]
Elias (Statement): -if I leave a letter here, in your institute, you might find it, you might be able to save me. I have no other hope. I have no other hope. Please, Jonah, if you have any compassion within your heart, you will not leave me in this place. Your loyal servant, Barnabas.
Elias: Jonah Magnus did leave him in that place, Jon. He got the letter, oh yes, and was on good terms with Mordechai Lukas. He could have interceded, perhaps even saved him, but he did not. And it was not out of malice, or because he lacked affection for Barnabas Bennett: he retrieved those bones sadly enough when the time came. Bones that you can still find in my office, if you know where to look.
No, it was because he was curious. Because he had to know, to watch and see it all.That’s what this place is, Jon, never forget it. You may believe yourself to have friends, to have confidantes, but in the end, all they are is something for you to watch, to know, and ultimately to discard.
[From MAG 159]
Jon: Martin. He’s gone, Martin. He – he’s gone.
Martin: His only wish was to die alone.
Jon: Tough. Now – listen to me, Martin. Listen.
Martin: Hello, Jon.
Jon: Listen, I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer, and well – well, maybe it is. But we need you. I need you.
Martin: No, you don’t. Not really. Everyone’s alone, but we all survive.
Jon: I don’t just want to survive!
Martin: I’m sorry.
Jon: Martin. Martin, look at me. Look at me and tell me what you see.
Martin: I see…
I see you, Jon.
I see you.
Jon: Martin.
Martin: I… I was on my own. I was all on my own.
Jon: Not anymore. Come on. Let’s go home.
Martin: How?
Jon: Don’t worry. I know the way.
[CLICK]
End Transcript
Going insane about this for a multitude of reasons
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i know i shouldnt like... expect bandom spaces to be solely about the music and sharing music and loving music bc yall wanna fuck those old dudes or whatever like me too. but sometimes i just wanna talk music as a whole and its never a topic of discussion. gotta think thoughts to myself bc maybe 2 of u would care 😔
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"Is it somehow satisfying for you to beat yourself up for things you couldn't be blamed for missing? It's not as though it's obvious - anyone could have missed it. Why do you assume that something like this is a flaw of the self?"
I think it's a preference thing, honestly. Sometimes it's more comforting to believe that you are the problem (so it's in control), while sometimes it's more comforting to believe the world is the problem (so it isn't your fault). Sif takes the former to an extreme. Plus the low self esteem.
We know the psychology, in theory, but it's... hmm. Frustrating, we suppose? We've been there, we know how it is to be hurting for control so badly you'll shred yourself to ribbons for a single piece of it, but it's partially that that makes the thought process so damn irritating when it turns up, especially when we sometimes have to play whack-a-mole with it in ourself.
It's a theatre of destruction for no audience. Ripping yourself to shreds in a way that benefits no one and will only hamper you later down the road. You attack your every flaw, and for what? Making yourself fear to try new things for fear of the repercussions that you yourself placed. Making yourself believe you are worse. Sabotaging your own chances just to pretend that you call the shots in a world that never worked in the way you pretend it does.
The more that you do anything, the more it becomes a habit, the more you take the cart down a road that wears and wears until the wheel-ruts are too deep to get out of, and when that habit is something that actively sabotages your chance to get things right, it does nothing but harm you.
Yelling at it isn't productive, either, it gets nothing done, but it is immensely frustrating to watch that go down, because it's an endless mud pit of feeling bad that doesn't even accomplish anything but making everyone in the area feel worse. It's the particular flavor of poor mental health where having experienced it ourself makes us a bit worse at dealing with it, because - well, we've experienced it ourself, and now we have to deal with watching someone dig a pit for themself and we can't even do anything about it because it's the sort of thing that they actuvely have to figure out and take action to handle themself.
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