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peaceoutofthepieces · 3 years

Text

Tracing Time

okay, so for this clip you need to know those details from sos I mentioned, in which Jens lives in the flatshare because his dad is homophobic (in sos he finds Lucas with Jens and reacts badly, and Jens eventually moves out). so this is discussed (mostly just alluded to), along with the hate crime in s3, so be aware of that. there are also vague allusions to Sander’s episode in s3. as a final content warning—this clip is also unnecessarily long 😅

Tuesday, 19:47

Songs: David Bowie - Rebel Rebel; The 1975 - Antichrist; EDEN - hertz

Robbe tugs Sander along at a somewhat rapid pace, and Sander complains as he drags his feet. “Robbe, what’s the rush?”

“Nothing,” Robbe says, too quickly, but he slows down and hugs Sander’s arm. “Nothing, sorry. Just, you know Milan, he’s pretty impatient.”

Sander narrows his eyes, but lets his boyfriend press closer and kiss his cheek. He smiles down at Robbe as the boy twines their fingers together, still guiding him down the street at a much more sedate pace.

Robbe had just taken them out for dinner, nothing overly fancy but slightly more expensive than making croques on the grill. They’d tucked themselves into a booth in a quiet cafe, which was fully decorated in shiny wood, cracked leather, and dimly glowing light. It even had an old-fashioned jukebox in the corner that Robbe convinced to play Bowie after a coin and a few prods and light kicks. The food was still cheap and greasy and Robbe’s smile was shy and Sander loved every second of it. They tangled their legs under the table and their hands atop it and it was the most perfect birthday date Sander could have imagined.

He expected to go back to one of their homes to continue the celebrations, but instead he finds himself on his way to the flatshare, apparently at Milan’s demand. It’s not entirely surprising, and fairly sweet, really, and Robbe seems mostly innocent and unfazed. Still, Sander is suspicious. He has a feeling.

Which is why he’s utterly amused and smug when they run into Lucas outside the apartment building.

Or, well, they don’t run into him. They hear him before they see him, and Robbe stiffens and curses under his breath. Then they see him standing outside his father’s car, holding a four-pack of alcohol in one hand and a clinking bag in the other. The closer they get, the easier it is to hear another familiar voice over Lucas’s.

“—just because you and that boyfriend of yours are old enough to drink that stuff, doesn’t mean everyone here is. I will not be responsible for supplying alcohol to minors, alright? I work at a youth center, for Christ’s sake.”

“Dad, literally not even half the people here will need that warning. The others have beer, and juice, it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t care, Luc, I’m trusting you to be trustworthy. That’s your stash, you watch who drinks it.”

Lucas looks towards the sky in exasperation and lets out a sigh. “It’s Jens’s place, Jens’s guests, so he can take responsibility. Why didn’t you give him this speech?”

“Because he’s not my son and he’s not the one using my money to buy alcohol for his friends. He’s your boyfriend, your responsibility.”

Lucas tosses his hands up as well as he can, considering they’re full, and casts a sideways glance this time. Which means he finally catches sight of Robbe and Sander standing a few feet away, both with bemused expressions, and instantly freezes on the spot. Sander gives him a small, pleased wave, and Lucas’s shoulders slump. “Fuck.”

“Language,” Hugo van der Heijden predictably reprimands, before poking his head out the window. Sander salutes him as Robbe gives him a pointed look, and he says, “Ah, shit. Sorry, kiddo.” He directs this at Robbe before turning his kind smile on Sander. “Happy birthday.”

Sander moves closer and tugs Robbe with him, because there’s no point in pretending now. “Thanks,” he says, burying a laugh as Lucas sits on the hood of the car and sets the bag down to cover his face. “This is a nice surprise.”

“Oh, shut up,” Lucas tells him, as Robbe pinches Sander’s arm and he winces away. He huffs and steps forward to meet Lucas as he stands, letting the younger boy envelop him in a one-armed hug. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you,” Sander repeats, before tilting his head at Lucas’s navy-grey button up. “Aw, who thought you’d even try to clean up nice for me.”

Lucas punches his shoulder to nudge him back a step. “You’re an asshole and I don’t know why I like you.” The comment is accompanied with such a fond smile that Sander doesn’t even feel the sting. Instead he just pulls his friend away as Hugo beeps the horn and Lucas almost jumps out of his skin trying to get away. Lucas glares at his father as Robbe giggles behind them.

“Everything I said still goes,” Hugo presses. “Best behavior.”

Sander grins at the man. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after them.”

“No, you have fun. It’s their job to look after themselves, they’re big boys. Now go and act surprised.”

Robbe groans as Sander simply laughs, accepting the orders with a nod. Lucas waves at his father with a lot of clanking and rustling as a result. “Okay, you can go now too, thanks for the lift and the drinks and so on.”

Hugo rolls his eyes. “You either sneak in as quietly as a mouse or be Jens’s problem for the night, understood?”

Lucas salutes him, but inevitably leans down to kiss his cheek before the man gives a final wave and drives off.

Robbe sighs while hugging Sander’s arm to his chest again. “Wanna swap dads?” he asks Lucas.

“Funny that a year ago I probably would’ve said yes,” Lucas shrugs. Then he grimaces. “Sorry, I kind of fucked up the surprise, huh?”

“Irreparably,” Robbe agrees. “Shall we go up anyway?”

“Yes, please, this will be too funny,” Sander says, delighted. The other two share a look and shake their heads and Sander just rocks on his heels and urges them forward. He feels overwhelmingly pleased now, his heart thumping and smile splitting his cheeks, which Robbe squishes together before granting him a soft kiss.

“Okay, at least be nice,” Robbe says. “I know that’s not your style, but, for me.”

Sander sighs heavily and Robbe bites down his grin. “Fine. For you. Even though it’s my birthday.”

Robbe’s grin widens and he kisses Sander’s nose before letting them into the apartment. Sander blinks at the key, and then has to quickly shrug it off as he’s steered through the short hallway and there’s a loud chorus of ‘Surprise!’

The room is fuller than Sander expects, and he actually does startle at the sight. His surprised face is fairly genuine, and there are about a dozen grins beaming back at him, and then Lucas joins in the cheer half a second too late and a dozen faces drop. There is a round of complaints and groans. Milan drops his head back in disappointment. Jens covers his face with a hand.

“Oh, fuck all of you,” Lucas says back, before raising his brows and the alcohol still weighing him down.

There’s a new round of cheers, to which Lucas responds by flipping off the room at large.

Sander is glad of how it worked out, because it’s a big enough break in the tension that everyone immediately moves into action instead of continuing to stare at him. The flat members move forward first, Jens to give Sander a clap on the back before taking the bag from Lucas and disappearing to the kitchen and Milan to engulf Sander in a hug.

“Okay,” the man says as he pulls back, holding Sander’s head in his hands. “Tell me you at least didn’t know about the surprise until Lucas messed it up.”

Sander snorts. “No, I just thought I was coming for my gifts.”

“Ha, cute.” Milan pinches his cheek, then winks. “They’re all over in the corner, but you’ll have to wait until later. Sorry if this isn’t what you expected after your date.” He raises his brows.

“It’s perfect,” Sander assures, serious this time. He glances over at Robbe. “Though maybe not for a Tuesday night?”

Robbe shrugs. “They all have their own free will. If they can’t survive their self-inflicted hangover for a few hours of school, that’s their problem.”

Sander huffs a laugh, and nods his acquiescence. “Still, though, how did you actually get everyone here?” Aside from Milan, the Broerrrs, and Senne and the girls, who Sander would expect Robbe to invite, his other friends are mingled in with the crowd. Adi chats quietly to Senne in the corner; Gilles and Luca are trapped in an animated conversation as Thomas watches on in clear amusement; Emilie is laughing at something Zoë says to her. Everyone, in one place, even the ones he thought Robbe would have no way of contacting.

“Well, I could contact Adi easily, and then I asked him about the others,” Robbe flushes. “Sorry, I hope I didn’t overstep.”

“No, no,” Sander immediately appeases, granting him a soft kiss. “Thank you.”

Robbe smiles brilliantly.

He doesn’t realise someone else has approached him until they clear their throat, and he drags his gaze from Robbe to find Zoë in front of them, her kind smile already in place. “Happy birthday,” she says sweetly, also giving him a quick hug. “Sorry we couldn’t make it more exciting.”

“No, it’s nice,” Sander assures. “I couldn’t have liked how it worked out more.”

Her smile widens and she shakes her head at him. “Of course. I won’t hold you up, I just need to tell you Yasmina isn’t here because Ramadan and she was worried she’d just have to leave right away.”

“Yeah, no, Iftar and everything, that’s fine,” Sander smiles. “She already messaged me to say happy birthday and that hopefully she would see me again soon. I’m sure I’ll see her before the end of the week.”

“Okay, good. And obviously Jana also can’t be here, but they all pitched in on your gifts, so I’m supposed to tell you that. Senne joined me in getting you something, too.”

Sander laughs, nodding. “Okay, thank you. You know none of you had to get me anything, or do all of this.”

Zoë rolls her eyes, but she’s still smiling softly. “Of course we do, Sander. This is what you have to deal with as one of us.”

It sends another flood of warmth to his heart, and he’s sure she knows it, that it’s likely the intended effect. It’s a feeling he’s been experiencing a lot today, and he suspects this won’t be the last time during the evening. For now, he gives Zoë the biggest, warmest smile he can muster and thanks her again.

“You’re welcome,” is all she says this time. She gives Robbe’s shoulder a fond squeeze as well before slipping away.

Robbe rests his chin on Sander’s shoulder and gazes up at him through his lashes. “Ready to make a round?”

Sander nods and lets his boyfriend lead the way.

Of course, Gilles latches on to them as soon as they move and raises their arms in a cheer. “Sander! Happy birthday, you beautiful bitch!”

Robbe’s laugh is louder than Sander’s, so of course that means he drags them over and plops down next to Sander’s friend as the others turn to join them. Gilles beams and ruffles Robbe’s hair in greeting, and Sander is finally gratified when Robbe makes an affronted sound and brushes them away. “Lucas helped me with this,” he complains, then flushes as he realises what he’s given away. Sander raises his brows when Robbe peeks a look up at him. Robbe huffs and catches Sander’s wrist, giving a tug so that Sander almost tumbles into his lap.

“Robbe,” he complains, laughing. “I’ll crush you.”

“No you won’t.” Robbe rolls his eyes. Then he softens his gaze, looking up at Sander with his small smile and damn doe eyes. “Come here,” he requests quietly.

Sander shakes his head, cursing internally, but gently lowers himself onto his boyfriend’s lap. He prays the chair won’t falter under their weight, and the creak is slightly worrying, but it holds steady. Robbe makes a pleased hum and winds his arms around him, immediately pressing a kiss to Sander’s shoulder and then resting his cheek there.

“Thank you,” he says, all genuine smiles and happy sighs, and Sander does not melt. He might, however, wind his arm around Robbe’s shoulder and lean into him just a little more.

Gilles makes a somewhat anguished sound, but when Sander turns to look at them they’re still beaming. They’re staring with their face resting in a hand, appearing to be in a state of utter awe. “Where can I find this? Someone give me this.”

From their other side, Luca slaps their arm. “I know, right? Guys, this isn’t fair, at least Jens and I used to have some solidarity but now he’s just as bad.”

“Sorry,” Robbe laughs, not looking even slightly apologetic as he cuddles closer to Sander. “But now you two have solidarity, right?”

Gilles lights up at the realisation, spinning to Luca again with obvious interest. Robbe giggles quietly against Sander’s collarbone, pleased with himself, and Sander ducks his head down to whisper in the boy’s ear. “Does this mean I’ve upheld the deal and actually do know cool gays for Luca?”

“Depends,” Robbe whispers back, amused. “Are you suggesting Gilles is cool?”

Sander makes a face, but doesn’t argue either way. Instead, he checks if his other friends are seeing what he’s seeing. He’s a little anxious, as he looks towards Emilie, but she’s watching Gilles and Luca with an odd consideration as Amber talks her ear off. Thomas is watching the whole thing through wide eyes from behind his glasses, but he gives Sander a subtle, enthusiastic little nod.

“How did you all manage to not mention this to me?” The thought occurs to Sander suddenly, and while he’s looking at Thomas, it’s mostly directed at Gilles.

Adi speaks up and surprises him. He hadn’t seen the older boy coming over. “I wondered that too, honestly.”

“And you’re a sneaky bastard,” Sander tells him.

Adi looks amused. “Why’s that?”

Sander scoffs. “‘Any special birthday plans for tomorrow?’,” he mocks.

“Ah, come on, you really had no idea? He didn’t give nothing away?” Adi gestures at Robbe.

“I thought we were just going to have an...interesting date,” Sander shrugs, making Robbe blush.

Adi laughs. “What, are we boring you?”

“Yes, get out of my sight,” Sander says, deadpan, and Robbe lets out a startled laugh as Adi gapes at him.

“Emilie tried to make sure you wouldn’t notice anything and I tried to keep Gilles as far away from you as possible.” The explanation Thomas gives makes sense, and Robbe extends his arm behind Sander to high-five him, and Gilles is thankfully too busy to notice.

They sit around talking for an indiscernible amount of time before Sander wiggles his way free of Robbe. The boy protests, of course, trying to cling on and pull Sander back towards him, so Sander leans down and grants him a kiss before moving away. No one else tries to stop him from leaving the room, and he’s hopeful he’ll have a straight path to the kitchen. He’s starting to feel antsy, and he needs to move around and take something in, and what’s better than a drink?

When he steps out into the hallway, however, he runs into Milan again, who has just opened the door for Noor.

He panics for a brief moment, eyes flicking around for blonde hair as he debates if he should go on without acknowledging them. But Noor has already caught sight of him and is giving her brilliant smile, and no one pops out of thin air behind her, so Sander roots himself to the spot. “Hey,” he greets, aiming for cheerful. His tone manages, but he’s doubtful of his smile, which he thinks wavers alongside his balance.

“Happy birthday,” she says. She wraps an arm around his shoulders and presses a kiss to his cheek, hopefully not leaving a bright lipstick stain. (She occasionally does it on purpose and waits for the target to notice, and with everyone else in on the game, the unlucky soul is rarely offered any help.) Sander raises a hand to his cheek cautiously and Noor simply laughs in response, shaking her head. “Not on your birthday.”

Sander narrows his eyes, because honestly, it seems like a perfectly innocent birthday prank. He weighs the possibility for a moment before nodding in acceptance and letting his smile widen again. “Thank you.”

She holds up the little bag in her hand and waves it at him. “Milan says there’s a time and place for these, otherwise I’d just pass it over now.” She lowers her arm and hesitates for a moment, smile shifting as she seems to debate if she should tell Sander what she’s thinking or not. “Britt couldn’t make it, but she helped me pick out the gift.”

Sander takes it for the crooked olive branch it is and nods. “Thank you, seriously,” he says. “And you can extend it to Britt?”

“Of course.” Noor smiles again and squeezes his shoulder before going to join the others. Sander looks after her for a moment before finally getting to the kitchen.

This seems to be the most party-like room in the house. The entire counter is littered with snacks and there are rainbow-coloured fairy lights strung along the cupboards. There’s a stack of party hats and a precarious pile of paper plates. The table has pretty much been turned into a mini-bar, with countless alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks spread out, as well as what must be at least five packs of red party cups. It even appears to have a bartender; Moyo stands behind it mixing a drink, flicking and flipping bottles around and bopping his head and hips to the tempo of the music. He doesn’t even look up as Sander makes his way over, just holds up a hand in a signal to wait.

Sander stares at the table. His pulse feels suddenly quicker. The bottles of beer are sitting closest to him, at the edge of the table, and he allows his fingers to brush over the neck of one. It’s not unfamiliar, of course. He doesn’t even know why he’s hesitating.

It’s just that he should be at home right now, working on the assignment he’d messed up. It’s just that he has class tomorrow, and doesn’t really want to suffer through it with a hangover. It’s just that things have been actually going well.

It’s just that, no matter how long it’s been, he remembers feeling suffocated. He remembers going from burning up to drowning in frigid air, from too much to nothing. He remembers feeling everything at top intensity only to drop into a debilitating state of numbness. Even when it blurs, he remembers.

“Hey, man.” Moyo breaks him out of his thoughts. His voice is uncharacteristically soft, and when Sander looks up, his expression is understanding. “Look, it’s your birthday. Robbe’s right there, and Lucas, and plenty of other friends. And if you want to take a drink, none of them are going to stop you. They never do. It’s always chill, you’re fine.”

Sander opens his mouth, then closes it again. He feels awkward and fidgety and he doesn’t actually want to respond to that. He doesn’t want to think about this.

Not now, he pleads silently.

“Or,” Moyo continues, before Sander would have been able to get two words out anyway. “You can let me make you a mocktail.”

He’s grinning, but Sander can only blink. “A mocktail?”

“Yeah. You know, a cocktail, but without the alcohol?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever tried a cocktail.”

Moyo’s grin widens, and he spreads his hands to show off his stash. “It’s your lucky night then. I honestly prefer mocktails, because the alcohol usually just makes them extra sharp and leaves a shitty aftertaste. But don’t tell anyone I said that.”

He points at Sander warningly, and Sander holds his hands up, smiling slightly now as he nods.

“I heard it.”

They both jump at the voice, but it’s just Senne in the doorway. He smirks a little before coming to join them, leaning his hip on the table so his body is twisted slightly towards Sander while he can still keep Moyo in his expectant gaze.

“Alright.” Moyo rubs his hands together, seeming to accept Senne’s presence and entrust him with their secrets. “I’m gonna make you my personal fave, and if you don’t like it or when you finish it, you come back to me for another. Got it? I am your server for the evening.”

“I’m flattered,” Sander admits, and Moyo winks at him before bursting into another flurry of movement. He’s a little apprehensive, unsure if he should really be taking anything Moyo concocts. They don’t actually know each other that well, despite how long it’s been and how frequently they hang out in the same group. Sander thinks this might be the first time they’ve actually interacted one-on-one. But Moyo has never given Sander any reason to distrust him, and the look he’d given him had been knowing. Moyo probably understands better than he thinks.

That thought still feels a little bitter, so he brushes it away and just watches the other work, trying to tune his thoughts out with the sound of the music and sheer determination.

He can enjoy himself. He’d even worked a lot on his assignment today already, knowing he’d be meeting up with Robbe in the evening. Robbe wouldn’t be keeping him away if he didn’t think Sander could manage it, and Sander trusts Robbe’s faith in him. It’s even enough to make him smile as he watches on with apprehension.

“Are you gonna make me one of these too?” Senne asks, head tilted curiously.

“Nope,” Moyo says, without a hint of hesitation. “Special birthday treat. Anyway, don’t pretend you didn’t come looking for alcohol.”

Senne lifts a beer and has the cap off in an instant. He tilts it at Moyo and takes a slug in confirmation, before turning to lean back against the table and giving Sander his full attention. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you,” Sander grins. “How’s blissful married life?”

Senne scoffs at him, but he’s still smirking slightly. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“I’d say it’s going very well,” Sander hums.

Senne’s smirk softens into a smile, and he crosses his arms before casually taking a sip of his beer. “You’re still treating my boy right, then.”

Moyo snorts, barely halting his movements as he raises a brow at Senne. “Your boy?”

“Hey.” Senne presses a finger to his own chest as he looks over his shoulder at Moyo. “I was the hot older guy in his life first.”

Sander and Moyo just burst into laughter. “Yeah, but in like, a teen dad kinda way, right?” Sander muses, squinting as if he’s trying to recall where he got the description.

“A hot dad,” Senne keeps up his argument.

“A DILF,” Moyo offers.

Sander laughs again as Senne points at the boy in agreement. Moyo finally passes him a full cup with a triumphant expression. Sander takes the cup and then a small sip. He lets the liquid coat his tongue, savours it as it slips down his throat. His brows raise, and he holds the cup back out to Moyo in a toast. “You’re good.”

Moyo taps Sander’s cup with his own and cheers.

At some stage, he ends up alone on the couch. The others, by now, are spread out all over the house, but most of them are in here, chatting or dancing. While most are energised by whatever alcohol they’ve consumed, Sander is nursing his second mocktail and beginning to feel the weight of a long day. Still, he tips his head back against the cushions and watches his friends and he feels okay.

Jens joins him, eventually. Sander doesn’t even see him come in, and then he’s dropping wordlessly into the empty space next to him. The silence lingers on for a moment, both of them content in it. The exact reason Sander enjoys Jens’s company.

After a while, he holds his beer bottle out to Sander with a raised brow. It takes Sander a moment to figure out why, and then he bumps his cup against it. Jens nods in approval and takes a gulp, and Sander watches his eager swallows in silent contemplation.

“Enjoying your birthday?” Jens finally breaks the silence, glancing back and forth between Sander and the others dancing.

Sander shrugs, nodding. “It’s a more exciting day than I expected, honestly.”

Jens hums, then takes another sip. He doesn’t say anything else.

It’s strange. Jens isn’t the loudest one of the group, by far, but he’s being oddly quiet. His slouched posture could be his usual chill demeanor, but it seems too tense. Sullen. It’s weirding Sander out, a little, and he wants to understand it so it isn’t quite so freaky, but it still takes a moment to convince himself to ask.

“What’s wrong?”

Jens startles at the question. He looks over at Sander in surprise, eyes a little wide. Just as quickly, he’s looking away again and clearing his throat, sitting up a little straighter before he speaks. “What? Nothing.”

Sander narrows his eyes, but doesn’t prod. If Jens doesn’t want to tell him, that’s fine. They aren’t besties. Sander can just quietly inform Robbe, who will deal with it himself, and then Sander won’t even have to feel guilty. It’s not actually his place. Instead, he just waits.

“I think Luc is pissed at me,” Jens mutters, after all of about five seconds.

Sander huffs, but frowns slightly. He looks out at their friends. It doesn’t take him long to find Lucas—mostly because he’s right next to Robbe. Whereas Robbe is twirling Noor around in a fitting dance to the music, however, Lucas is focused on a more chaotic Milan who seems to be attempting to show him some rather sensual moves. Lucas, equally, does <i>not</i> seem to do his best to follow along, poorly mimicking the moves through hysterical laughter.

“He doesn’t seem pissed,” Sander muses, turning back to Jens with a brow raised pointedly. Jens shrugs and looks down at his beer, tracing his fingertip around the top, and Sander sighs and thinks fuck it. “What’s wrong, Jens?”

Jens glances up at him, and then down again, and then lets out a sigh of his own. “She finally kicked him out.”

Sander blinks, and has to think for a moment. When realisation hits, he decides he probably should not be the one handling this conversation. He has to tread lightly. Maybe he should just pretend he has to pee to escape and then fetch Robbe, instead. But...Jens has trusted him with it.

Dammit.

“Your dad?” he asks quietly.

Jens nods.

“Isn’t that a good thing? What does it have to do with Lucas? I mean...aside from the obvious.”

“Well, because.” Jens pauses to run a hand through his hair, frustrated. “He’s not even gone yet, and Lucas wants me to move home.”

Sander purses his lips in understanding. “You don’t want to.”

“Why would I?” Jens huffs. Then he pulls a face that’s faintly apologetic before shaking his head. Sander realises he’s likely more than a little tipsy, if his rapid but sloppy speech is anything to go by, along with the seemingly senseless hand gestures he’s making. “I do miss my mom, I guess, and Lotte, but still. I go into my room and it’s just...it’s suffocating. And Lucas is pissed about it. Well, I guess he’s more pissed on my behalf. He says that what happened shouldn’t get to control me so much, especially when the asshole’s not even there. That I shouldn’t have to keep making the sacrifice because of it when I have the freedom to go back now.”

This is starting to sound very familiar, and that hits rather close to home.

There suddenly isn’t enough air, and his chest is suddenly tight, breaths just a little too shallow. He flicks his gaze around until it lands on Robbe again. He’s moved onto dancing with Zoë now, her confidently leading his more awkward frame. Some of the tension in Sander eases, and he swallows down the feeling in favour of trying to form a coherent response.

“But that doesn’t mean he’s pissed at you,” Sander says carefully. “It also doesn’t sound unreasonable, and it’s not like he doesn’t understand. He just wants the best and the most for you.” He wants you to have the world. The universe, if possible. He doesn’t want anything to be taken from you, and especially not because of him.

Jens seems to accept this, but still frowns slightly, still makes himself a little smaller. “But I’m happy here. I’m happy. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

Sander swallows. He lets his eyes shift from Robbe to Lucas, and finds his friend staring back at him. Lucas’s expression is mostly blank, but Sander can see the concern etched into his eyes and the pinch of his lips. Sander offers him a hesitant smile and after a moment, he looks away.

“Maybe it’s not enough for him,” he says.

Jens’s face falls.

Sander quickly shakes his head. “No, I mean—maybe it’s because of how it still affects him. He doesn’t want it to control how he feels. He wants to be bigger than it, move past it, but there’s nothing he really can do. Except for helping you. If he’s seeing you deal with it and recover from it, then it makes it easier for him, too.”

The feeling of too much is creeping in. He’s thinking too much, saying too much, feeling too much, giving too much away. It’s an overreaction, maybe. After so long, surely. That event shouldn’t still affect him like this, right? It shouldn’t still feel like a shock to his system. He can only hope it doesn’t appear like one outwardly.

But Jens is just silently contemplative as he takes in what Sander has said, eyes lingering on his boyfriend thoughtfully. When he turns back to Sander, he’s simply curious. “Has he spoken to you about it?”

Sander doesn’t even have to think back. “No. Aside from at the time, he’s never brought it up. I didn’t want to do it and just hurt him, so it wasn’t discussed.”

Jens purses his lips and nods. His smile is self-derogatory. “You just know my best friend and my boyfriend better than me.”

“No,” Sander says again, even though he’s not as sure. He’s fairly sure. The only people he knows who seem as close as Jens and Lucas are Robbe and himself. “I’m just speaking from experience,” he admits quietly.

Now Jens’s gaze sharpens, and he actually looks at Sander. It takes no time, then, for the realisation to set in, and he curses under his breath. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about this to you right now, anyway, it’s your birthday.” He rubs his hand over his face and huffs. “Sorry, I swear, sometimes I have no tact. I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, stop.” Sander waves him off. He hesitates only slightly before continuing. “I’m glad. That you’re comfortable enough that you could talk to me about it. I think the universe seriously wants us to be friends, at this point.”

Jens snorts. “I think you’re all seriously weird about your universe stuff.”

Sander grins at him. “The universe stuff will take over you eventually, too. I don’t know how it hasn’t already, how long have you known Robbe?”

This time Jens just rolls his eyes silently, but he’s smiling now too.

“Seriously,” Sander says. “Thank you. It doesn’t matter about the timing, I’m glad you can talk to me.”

Jens’s smile softens, and he gives a small nod. “Maybe we should all be able to talk about it more,” he says quietly.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

They return to a short lapse of silence, and Sander takes a sip of his forgotten drink. The fruity liquid soothes his throat, and the break in the conversation allows more of the pressure to release. His heartbeat feels normal again by the time Jens turns back to him.

“Thanks, though. Seriously. You’re probably right, about Luc. I’ll talk to him.”

Sander just feels pleased as he smiles now, like he accomplished something, said something right. The mood and balance is being restored, and he just needs to accept the segway and lighten things further. “If you want to thank me, I’m sure you can play a pretty piano version of ‘Happy Birthday’.”

“Fuck you,” Jens scoffs, eyes narrowing slightly.

“So you can’t? I thought that would’ve been fairly basic, but okay.” Sander shrugs, taking a casual sip of his drink to strengthen the taunting.

Jens glares hotly at him. “Fuck you. Of course I can play ‘Happy Birthday’.” Jens drags himself to his feet and jabs a finger at him. “Don’t move then.”

Balance immediately restored, Sander thinks amusedly.

Milan pauses Jens as he makes his way through the crowd, and Sander watches as Jens says something in response and Milan beams. He shoots a look at Sander before the two of them are flouncing off, and moments later, Sander is being subjected to a much louder, much further off-key rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’, and more candles.

The keyboard bit is fine, though, he grudgingly admits.

When Jens sets it aside, Lucas is there grabbing his hands and dragging him to his feet as Robbe does the same to Sander. They’re both smiling through their protests, and everyone can see it.

So now, they’re dancing.

It feels more lively, after that. Everyone is gathered on their makeshift dance-floor by now. Sander takes catalogue of them all, marveling at how Gilles has somehow managed to rope Thomas and even Adi into dancing. Emilie is now the one with Luca, both of them laughing as they sway around with their hands joined between them. Noor and Moyo have gravitated towards each other as usual and, instead of huddling close like the others, seem to have a teacher–student method of dancing going on that Noor keeps up with rather well. Milan, Zoë and Senne are dancing in a little circle, and Amber and Aaron have moved on to just standing amidst it all and kissing. Jens and Lucas aren’t dancing anymore, either, but they’re held close. Sander watches until Jens leans down to murmur something in Lucas’s ear and Lucas smiles, leaning into the taller boy as Jens kisses his temple.

Satisfied, Sander is finally able to focus on the boy in his own arms. Robbe is already watching him when Sander catches his gaze, brow slightly furrowed and lips slightly quirked in that adorable questioning expression. Sander draws him closer by the waist and interrupts their step-swaying to catch him in a kiss, and as the music gets louder, his mind quiets.

~^~

previous/next

#wtfock #sobbe #rosander #robbe x sander #van der stoffels #or as much as they’re in it #sander season #tracing time #i’m super insecure about all of these clips ✌🏻 hope it doesn’t totally suck #lucas is definitely that isak that cares about his hair #hugo is still my fave oc

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obsidianfr3sk · 3 years

Text

Shooting Star

@renegades-ship-weeks - Renegades Ship Week #1 | Humon - Dancing

Summary: Maybe it was the fact that Simon wasn’t aware of Max’s weird tendency to sleep when they played upbeat songs. Or maybe that he had never heard that song. He had seen him dancing at public events, with him or with other members of the Council. He had also seen him dancing during their wedding day, and he was dancing with him. But he hadn’t seen him dancing like that before.

AO3

SKDJFJHDSJ IT’S TODAY, IT’S TODAY SDKFJHJDSK TODAY THE RENEGADES SHIP WEEK STARTS TODAY AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO START IT WITH SOME RENEGAYS CONTENT <3

Ok, so this... is kind of a songfic (? I thought the format fitted the prompt better. The song I choose for this is Shooting Star by Owl City (thank you, Dawnie, for letting me know about its existance uwu). I’d recommend you hear the song before reading this or when the dancing scene arrives (you’ll know, don’t worry).

None of this would be possible without the help of the amazing @greasicookies. Thanks for hosting this event✨ I don’t know if there has been another thing like this before, but this is actually my first ship weeks in this fandom and I’m so exited!! I hope we can get a lot more! And for those who are still thinking about participating or not, go for it c:

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!✨

Tag list: @honey-hippie-harper @healing-winston-pratt @lackadae @the-wee-woo-rita @dt-everwoods @greenalmond

When the sun goes down and the lights burn out,

then it's time for you to shine

brighter than a shooting star.

So shine no matter where you are.

Enough time had passed for him to forget the first time he danced with Hugh.

It was one of the downsides of knowing someone for a long time. The first time they probably danced together was to some tune they heard on the radio in the living room of one of their houses, the park, or the street, but it happened when he was so young, that now, Simon couldn’t remember what song it was, if the sky was blue that day, or how the concept of dancing looked like for them at that age.

But one of the advantages of knowing someone for a long time was that you were constantly making memories with them. So, for him, the first time he really danced with Hugh, was during their wedding day. And it was beautiful and romantic, and if he could live inside a moment for the rest of his existence, it would be that one.

And he didn’t even feel embarrassed while he was doing it.

Not that he was embarrassed to dance with his husband in public. It was something he had… thought about. That maybe there was still someone inside of him that was constantly telling him he was wrong, that his feelings were wrong, and that everything that Hugh represented was also wrong, and since he was thinking about that stuff in the middle of the night, he woke up Hugh to tell him that he loved him (to which Hugh responded, “Okay. I don't love it when you wake me up though.")

The next day, Adrian was invited to a birthday party. He was super excited because it was the first birthday party he attended after the Age of Anarchy. Adrian hadn’t looked that happy in months, and even though Simon didn’t feel like going, he did, just so he could share that little moment of happiness with his son. The three of them walked down the street to the house where the party was being hosted, and it didn’t take long for Adrian to join the other kids.

Hugh and Simon sat down at an empty table. They didn’t mind being the only ones there because, at least, they could talk to each other. Although, now that Simon remembered, they were, like, a feet apart from each other, and that morning, after he got out of the shower, he saw Hugh standing in front of the mirror while wearing a random shirt.

As soon as he walked into the room, he asked him:

“Do you think this shirt looks too… gay?”

And Simon just said:

“Love. Everything you wear looks gay.”

He ended up wearing another shirt anyway. And khakis.

Yeah.

Luckily, it was a one-time thing.

At that moment, he was feeling a little bit awkward because they didn’t know anybody at that party, but everyone else seemed to know each other. Simon was pretty sure that the only reason they weren’t actively trying to talk to them was that they weren’t sure if they could, not because those suburban mothers and their husbands were hate-criming them or something.

They definitely weren’t hate-criming them. And he wasn’t being sarcastic. Simon was also wearing khakis that day, plus a purple polo, so they ended up looking like a couple of straight friends who decided to adopt a kid to strengthen their friendship or something.

He was eating a brownie he had gotten from the candy bar when they both received a message from Kasumi about something that was going on at Headquarters and that she needed one of them to be there (adding “pretty please” at the end of the sentence so it didn’t sound too harsh).

They looked at each other and Hugh raised an eyebrow.

“Do you want me to go?”

Simon shrugged. “I can go if you want to.”

“No, I’ll go. You stay with Adrian. Let me say goodbye to him.”

Adrian got out of the trampoline as soon as he heard his name. Hugh explained the situation to him, but then assured him that they would see each other at the house, and then Adrian asked him if he wanted him to save some cake for him. He smiled, told him that would be nice, and kissed his forehead before going with the mom that was hosting the party to thank her for inviting them (only because Simon told him he had to, since he had seen enough movies to know that if he didn’t, those evil white mothers would hate them for the rest of their lives and wouldn’t let their kids play with theirs).

Adrian returned to the trampoline soon after that, and since Hugh hadn’t finished his brownie, Simon didn’t see why he couldn’t do it for him. He stayed there, doing his best not to think about all the things others may be saying about him for sitting at a table all by himself and fighting against his instinct to disappear.

Which he ended up doing when he heard some kid saying “ Pops ” right next to him.

It took him longer to realize that kid was Adrian and he was talking to him.

They stared at each other for a while before Simon said, “What’s wrong, darling?”

Adrian was smiling. There wasn’t anything wrong with him. “Can you enter the competition with me?”

But when he looked at where his kid was pointing, he realized there was something very wrong with that competition.

First of all, the judge was a clown that had been going around the party giving balloon animals and doing typical clown stuff with the kids, and he didn’t know why, but Simon had always had an irrational… not fear, but distrust towards clowns. Maybe it was because when he went to his first birthday party at the age of four, his animal balloon popped after just a few seconds of having him, and the clown, being completely done with him, gave him another and told him: “Don’t be gay, kiddo” , in a really rude and condescending tone (but who knows.)

Then, it was a dancing competition.

Dancing .

In front of another fifteen kids and their parents.

And Simon wanted to say no because he knew he didn’t have to do anything that would make him feel uncomfortable in any way…

But he ended up saying yes. Because he wanted to see Adrian happy, and he knew Adrian would be happy if they participated in the competition.

So he just nodded and let him guide him to the center of the dancefloor, which was only a small portion of the garden that was covered in gravel. Then, Adrian extended his hands towards him, Simon grabbed them and waited until the music started to play.

It wasn’t… that bad. Honestly, Simon has done more embarrassing things during his lifetime. For example, when Queen Bee punched him during a fight while she was wearing not one, but three rings, and she started to laugh as soon as she saw the first tears running down his face. Simon turned invisible so no one could see him, but it was already too late and everyone there already knew Dread Warden was crying like a little kid because a lady had punched him a little too hard.

And no one was laughing at him for that (except Queen Bee because, as his enemy, that was her job), but he felt like every single one of those people, who were more busy trying to escape the bees that were buzzing around during the fight, were actually paying enough attention to him to laugh at his tears. So that's why, that afternoon, while Adrian was having the time of his life trying to win that competition with his dad, he could only think that bunch of seven-year-olds was making fun of him (the same way those four-year-old made fun of him when the clown called him gay).

It felt like a lot. And they didn't win, but as soon as they got eliminated, he waited for Adrian to go back with the other kids, turned invisible, made his way to the bathroom, and proceeded to puke his guts out as soon as he kneeled in front of the toilet. He spent a good ten minutes waiting for the panic attack to pass before deciding he could go back to the party as nothing had happened.

The first thing he saw after returning to the backyard, was Adrian looking around, totally lost in that sea of people. And as soon as he noticed Simon was there, he let go of the balloon animal he was holding, and just ran towards him and hugged him tightly by the waist.

Simon immediately hugged him back.

A little confused. But he didn't hesitate to hug him back.

“Pops… I'm feeling sick” Adrian mumbled.

“You're feeling sick?” he nodded slightly. That was his chance. “You know, I'm feeling a little bit sick too. What if we… just— go home?”

Adrian was super on board with that idea and didn't let go of Simon while he did his best to look normal while he said goodbye to the birthday boy and his parents. They had served the cake while he was gone, so the mom gave him four pieces inside a small plastic container, which only meant he was going to go back to that house to return it to her.

When they arrived at the house, Adrian grabbed him by the waist again and he refused to let him go, even after Simon kindly asked him to do it so he could make some tea for the two of them (because, for what Adrian told him while they were in the car, he was dizzy and had a stomach ache). But Adrian grabbed him tighter, so Simon had to be extra careful while making the chamomile tea because he was terrified of burning his kid with the boiling water. Then, he put both cups in a small tray and slowly walked to the living room, where he put it on the coffee table and sat down with Adrian on the couch.

Adrian grabbed his cup (that was shaped like an orange and had a smiley face) and Simon realized it was the first time he drank tea with him.

“Be careful, darling.”

“I will…”

And while he saw him sipping his tea, he just knew he had to ask him.

“Adrian— did something happen while I was gone?” he whispered. Adrian didn’t turn to see him. “Did— the kids laugh at you? Did someone there make you feel… bad? You can tell me.”

Adrian continued sipping his tea a little bit before putting it back on the tray. After that, he finally looked him in the eye, opened his mouth to answer, and—

He started crying.

When he finally managed to calm down a little, he explained to him that he got scared when he went to the table to ask him if he wanted cake too because he thought something bad had happened to him.

Adrian— well, he thought that Simon had died.

And it broke his heart because it wasn’t like Adrian didn’t have a completely valid reason to believe that.

So they stayed there, on the couch, hugging each other, until Adrian stopped crying and told him he wanted to go play with his toys.

His tea was already cold by then. But Adrian had finished his’, so that was a good thing. He knew chamomile tea helped to reduce anxiety levels.

It didn’t help him though.

Hugh called Simon to tell him he was going to stay at Headquarters the rest of the day and Adrian suddenly developed supernatural hearing because he was able to hear his dad’s voice from the other side of the house. He asked Simon to pass him the phone and stayed a couple of minutes talking with Hugh, telling him about how awesome the party had been and that he wanted to see him again soon.

Then, the rest of the day went as normal. Except that, occasionally, Adrian left what he was doing and went to where Simon was. Just... to make sure he was still there, he guessed.

At least he wasn’t saying anything about the fact of Hugh not being there with them. Because Adrian only had two moods when it came to the relationship with his dads, and one of them was “If I don’t see you and my daddy in this exact moment, right in front of me, I’m literally gonna cry and scream until I explode” , and it would have been a little bit difficult to deal with that at the moment.

He didn’t say anything when he put on his pajamas and went upstairs to wait for Simon to finish his chores so they could go to bed together. It took him a little bit longer than he expected because he was organizing the fridge (he spent like forty minutes trying to remember the very specific organization system Hugh had implemented the first minute they moved to that house), but he eventually did and when he entered the room, Adrian was already falling asleep.

So he kissed him goodnight and tried to sleep too.

He was about to do it when Hugh opened the bedroom’s door.

Instead of saying “I’m home” , “Hi, love” , or even asking “What’s the kid doing here?” , he greeted him with:

“Did you clean the fridge?”

And Simon immediately knew he had messed up the organization system.

“Yes, I did. It smelled like eggs.”

“The cheese goes next to the eggs. Animal products go together.”

He didn’t sound mad.

He sounded condescending, but he kind of knew he didn’t mean to.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he answered.

He heard him taking his uniform off before putting on normal clothes, and he laid next to Adrian. He slightly opened his eyes and a small smile appeared on his face; then he rolled over and got closer to him.

They waited for Adrian to fall asleep again before they started talking about their days.

“So, yeah,” Simon said after finishing the tale of how he had a panic attack so violent that he ended up puking in a very elegant and suburban bathroom at a stranger’s house. “I think dancing is not my thing.”

“Dancing sucks,” Hugh said. Adrian was drooling a little bit on his shirt, but either he didn't notice or he just didn't care. “I have never had… a panic attack over that, but… I don’t like it. It feels unnatural. And I’m not very good at it anyway.”

“You don’t like doing things you’re not good at.”

“Not gonna lie, it kind of hurts my ego.”

Simon snorted and Hugh smiled a little bit.

A day after that, Adrian asked Simon if they could go eat at that fast food restaurant they had passed by last week when they were going to Headquarters. He agreed and the three of them went to the exact place Adrian said. It was located in a… “not very nice zone” and apparently, all the parents of the city had decided to bring their kids there too, which meant it was loud and messy, and those employees were obviously overworked.

Hugh and he would have turned around as soon as they saw the state of the place, but Adrian was in a weird mood, and it was Simon’s turn to make dinner, something he didn’t feel like doing. So he told Hugh to pick something at random (after he spent a whole minute looking at the options) and order a combo with a toy for Adrian, plus twenty nuggets that Simon was not willing to share with any members of his family.

Adrian’s order arrived first. He had already finished his burguer when his dads got their meals, and he announced to them (because he wasn't going to ask for permission) that he was going to go play at the playground. Hugh told him to be careful, but Adrian practically ignored him and took off before he could even finish saying “... and don’t you dare take off your socks while you’re inside that thing”.

Simon started to play with Adrian’s toy (a cheap action figure of a random white man that wore a green jacket and was winking at him) while Hugh saw through the glass that separated them from the playground area, probably making sure Adrian didn’t get hurt or took off his socks, which in his head, would have been worse.

When Hugh was finally able to calm down, he turned to see Simon.

“So— you really eat those twenty nuggets by yourself.”

“Nineteen,” Simon corrected. “This—” he showed the nugget to him “—is the last one. Do you want it?”

He had his own nuggets and a cheeseburger he hadn’t finished yet. “Only if you don’t want it.”

“Nah. I do want it,” he answered. “I was just trying to be nice.”

Simon put the nugget inside his mouth and while he was chewing it, he realized Hugh was staring at him, but he couldn’t figure out why until he blurted out:

“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you during the party.”

He wasn’t expecting that.

“Oh—” he took a sip of his soda “—Don’t worry. You didn’t know.”

“Next time call me. So I can help you.”

And he promised himself (and Hugh) he would do it by taking his hand under the table and nodding, before resting his head on his shoulder.

“Do you think I shouldn’t have eaten those twenty nuggets?” he asked after a while.

“Not all at,” Hugh assured him. “Actually, it was very sexy of you.”

“I feel very sexy right now, not gonna lie.”

“Good. Because I think you should kiss me. If you’re in the mood for that.”

Simon was in the mood for that. He first kissed Hugh’s cheek, but he thought it wasn’t enough, so he decided to go for his lips. He wasn’t able to stop when he felt Hugh’s putting his hand on his knee, and before they could start making out in the middle of a restaurant as if they were a couple of straight teenagers, he heard a pitched voice say “Ew!”, which immediately made them break the kiss and go into fight mode, ready to be kicked out and banned from ever coming back there.

But it was only Adrian.

“Ew, pops, don’t do that,” he kept saying. “Why are you kissing him?”

“Because he’s my husband, Adrian. And your dad.”

Adrian crossed his arms and frowned.

“Well, I don’t like it—” he extended his hand “—Can I have some ice cream, pops?”

“You didn’t finish your fries, son,” Hugh pointed out. But he didn’t listen to him, again, and asked Simon once more if he could have some ice cream, making a lot of emphasis when he pronounced “pops” .

And there it was, Adrian’s second mood: “I only love you, pops, and if someone gives me enough candy bars, I would throw Captain Chromium down the stairs.”

A year has gone by since then. Therapy and meds had helped him a lot so he had never needed to call him during a panic attack, mostly because when that happened, someone was always willing to help him. For example, one time Tamaya and Simon went to a departmental store during their lunch break because she wanted to buy a bag of eggnog gummies that were only sold there, and Adrian decided to join them. There, Simon turned around for a quick second to check a mirror that would look amazing at their house before realizing that his kid had disappeared. He could see Tamaya looking at some little bird statues that they sold there (being extra careful as to not hit anything with her wings), but Adrian was nowhere to be seen. So obviously he started this frenetic search for him, which lasted, like, five minutes, because Tamaya eventually found Simon, and told him that Adrian had been with her the whole time, just that he was too short for Simon to notice him. They had to go to the restroom and Tamaya grabbed Simon’s and Adrian’s hands while they both calmed down, telling them from time to time that everything was all right (but deep down, Simon knew it really wasn’t; they were in the ladies restroom and there was a mother with his kid that looked at them in a weird way).

Tamaya must have told Kasumi about the whole thing because she taught him a few strategies she had learned to control her own panic attacks. She had been going to therapy too but read a few books about spirituality and meditation, not because she was super into it, but because she thought some concepts were interesting. One time, Evander was the only one there and since empathy wasn’t his strong suit, the only thing he kept saying was “Breathe, Simon, breathe, for fuck’s sake”. He wasn’t yelling, but he wasn’t being nice either, and honestly, that attitude only worsened Simon’s state; he even began to scream that he needed to go to the hospital because he thought he was dying, and Evander began to panic too because he had never been alone when Simon was in that state. Eventually, Simon remembered the promise he made and tried to reach for his phone while mumbling something about calling Hugh, but Evander told him not to worry about it, that he was going to call him.

And Evander, instead of grabbing his phone and doing that, opened the door, and after making sure no one else was there, he yelled:

“HUGH, SIMON NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU!”

Hugh was there in a matter of seconds.

Most of the time, he was there in a matter of seconds.

He kind of knew that if he ever needed the same kind of help, Hugh was going to call him but he never did. Not until a couple of months ago.

They were at a Women’s Day event. There was a group of dancers that was going to do a kind of opening number; a performance in honor of the victims of femicide. Tamaya was going to give a speech about the issue and how that day wasn’t of celebration, but of reflection and remembrance. Kasumi was hugging her ukulele case (she was going to perform a song she had written during the Age of Anarchy, which she refused to show the rest of the team), Evander was reading a pamphlet someone had given him, and Simon was holding Hugh’s hand, trying to hide the fact they weren’t doing much.

Suddenly, Hugh asked him: “Why is it so hot in here?”

They were at Cosmopolis Park and it was March. He didn’t feel it was that hot to be honest.

Evander turned to see them and smirked. “I’m sorry.”

Kasumi rolled her eyes and Tamaya hit him in the back of the head, without even bothering to take her eyes away from her notes.

Hugh didn’t think it was funny. “I’m being serious— It’s really hot.”

“Change into your civilian clothes after the inauguration,” Kasumi said.

The five of them were wearing their uniforms. Tamaya had a purple kerchief (that represented the feminist movement) around her wrist and Kasumi had a green one (that represented the fight for reproductive rights). Evander and Simon had talked about changing their clothes and put on the gray t-shirts the male members of patrol units were wearing. Only the female members were wearing their full uniforms because when the sun started to go down, there was going to be a march and they were going to be the ones protecting the people there. Tamaya and Kasumi had told them that the feminist organizations they were in contact with had told them they didn’t want any male patrol units during the march, but said that if Hugh, Simon, Evander, or Adrian wanted to go, they could. Simon was the only one who told them he accepted, Hugh and Evander remained quiet, and he wasn’t even sure if Adrian was aware of the situation, since he had decided to stay at Headquarters with Prism.

But Simon was about to tell Hugh about what Evander and he were going to do when Hugh said: “ No .”

Because he was working. And when he was working, he had to wear his superhero suit.

Tamaya and Kasumi had more important matters to attend to, so they dismissed Hugh and continued with their plans. The leader of the dance group told them they were ready, and the five of them walked to the stage. Instead of being the first one to talk (like he did at every event) Hugh stayed back and allowed Tamaya to do her thing.

He didn't seem like he wanted to do a lot of talking anyways. Simon could tell that pretending he wasn't uncomfortable wearing his suit that day was taking a lot of his energy, and he even began to think his husband was going to faint in front of all the cameras (but it was probably just his anxiety talking, like always).

When Tamaya finished, they watched the whole performance with the rest of the public. The dancers were wearing black clothes and purple kerchiefs, but six of them had white dresses with red paint that pretended to be blood. They danced while other women in the background sang the song and played some drums. At the end of the performance, a little girl entered the stage and yelled: “Justice for Lady I!” , before letting go of the six balloons she was holding.

Simon clapped until his hands were numb.

And until he realized Hugh was gone.

“Where is he?” Simon asked Tamaya.

She knew exactly what he was talking about.

“In the middle of the performance, he told me he wanted to go somewhere else,” she said.

Then she went quiet again. So Simon added: “Did he tell you where he was going to be?”

“I didn't ask him. I just said 'Elope, bitch' . And he did.”

Simon started to look for him in the crowd until he felt his phone vibrating on his pants. He didn't see who was calling but, for some reason, he knew it was Hugh.

“Hello?”

The other side of the line remained quiet.

For a second, Simon's imagination started to run wild and he was already imagining a scenario where someone had kidnaped Hugh (somehow) and he wasn't able to talk because if he did, they were going to hurt him or someone else. But then, he saw him in the distance, near some trees and a little bit far away from the event, and Simon walked towards him. Without hanging up the phone, just in case.

He only did it when he was right next to him.

Hugh didn't say anything for a long time. And Simon didn't, either, mainly because he was waiting for the answer to his question of “Is there anything I can do for you?” , an answer that never arrived.

Then, he proved with:

“Did you see the whole performance?”

Hugh turned to see him. They were both sitting under a tree, gazing at the distance.

He said, with a monotone voice and an emotionless expression:

“I will never understand contemporary dance.”

After a couple of minutes, he asked him if they could go back home ( home ; not the Headquarters) and Simon accepted. Hugh went the whole way without talking to him, massaging his temple, and when he asked him if there was something wrong, he told him he had a headache, but in a very… weird way.

He was irritable. To say the least. So Simon decided that the best thing he could do at that moment was to not intervene and just keep driving.

Hugh went upstairs and locked himself in their room, while Simon waited for Prism to take Adrian back home before the march started so she could go join them. He managed to keep Adrian downstairs so he didn't go and bother his other dad. It wasn't until 11 PM, when Adrian was already asleep and Kasumi told him the march had ended, that he decided to go check on Hugh.

It was pretty late but the TV was on and he was completely awake.

It didn’t surprise him at all.

“Are you feeling better?”

But instead of answering, he asked back: “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I just— I stayed downstairs. I guessed you didn’t want to be bothered.” Simon tried to recognize the show that was on, but couldn’t. “What are you watching?”

He sat down on the mattress and Hugh got closer to him. Simon took it as a sign he wanted to cuddle, so he laid next to him and rested his head on his chest.

“You know what other thing I will never understand?”

Contemporary dance.

“What?”

“People who go out with their partners to take dance classes. And dance competitions.”

“Everything that has to do with dancing, then.” He nodded. “Don’t worry. After the clown thing, I’ve hated anything that has to do with dancing too.”

“It’s too… complicated.”

“Yes.”

“You need a lot of coordination”

“You do.”

“And people are looking at you.”

“They definitely are.”

Hugh smiled a little bit. “No, they’re not. Don’t be silly. People don’t care.”

After that, Simon could at least be sure that Hugh would never take him to dance classes or make him enter dance competitions. It just… wasn’t their thing.

Maybe, their thing was to stay at Headquarters until very late at night, finishing their paperwork, with the rest of the Council.

Like they had been doing the last couple of hours.

Tamaya had been the first one to go home. Her husband had called her and said that her kid didn’t want to go to sleep if his mom wasn’t there to read him a bedtime story. Hugh said that Evander could finish her share of the paperwork and before he could refuse, she answered: “Well, thank you very much, Blacklight” and left. After that, Evander spent a good entire minutes bitching about how Hugh couldn’t just give him more responsibilities just because, to which Hugh responded “Yes, I can” , and Kasumi had to tell both of them to stop because Adrian was there. According to her, if they started to yell curse words to each other, he was going to start repeating the same words every time he was angry and kids weren’t supposed to swear (even though she was ten when Simon heard her say “Oh, fuck” for the first time).

After Evander and Kasumi finished their respective share of the paperwork (plus Tamaya’s) they decided they were going to spend the night there because it was already too late. Simon and Hugh were distracted for a little while, discussing something related to what they were doing, when suddenly, Kasumi and Evander were already inflating a mattress with a pump they had taken out of nowhere. When they asked them where they got those things, Evander just answered they hadn’t revealed all their secrets yet.

Suddenly, the air pump broke at the same time the crayon Adrian was using to color a couple of butterflies did, and Kasumi and he whispered, at the same time:

“Oh, fuck.”

Simon thought everyone was going to die of laughter right there. Everyone except Kasumi. She was going to die of embarrassment.

After she apologized to Adrian for swearing in front of him, Evander got a couple of blankets for them to put on the mattress so it was a little bit more comfortable for them. They asked Adrian if he wanted to sleep with them, but Adrian said he wasn’t sleepy yet. Still, Kasumi told Evander to leave a small space for Adrian in case he changed his mind.

They fell asleep almost immediately.

And soon after that, the baby monitor Simon carried around practically everywhere let them know that Max had woken up and was crying.

“Hugh—”

“Yes, I’ll go. Wait here.” He got closer to the door, but then he turned around to see Adrian, who was still drawing. “When I’m back, you better be asleep, Sketch.”

Adrian rolled his eyes and growled, but instead of getting angry or something, Hugh laughed and left.

Five minutes went by.

Then, fifteen.

Then, half an hour.

Forty minutes.

An hour.

Simon felt his eyes were burning and his whole body felt like it didn’t belong to him. Luckily all the paperwork was gone now, and Adrian was holding the baby monitor in his small hands.

Max wasn’t crying anymore, but he could hear Hugh’s voice, although he couldn’t understand exactly what he was saying.

“What’s going on?” he asked Adrian.

Adrian looked more tired than before, but not that much. They definitely were messing up his sleeping schedule. “Daddy has been trying to put Max in his crib a couple of times but when he tries to leave he starts crying again.”

Simon nodded and tried not to think about it.

He really tried not to think about it.

“Pops,” Adrian called him. “I’m tired. I wanna go to bed.”

Finally.

“Well—” and an idea popped into his head “—let’s go with your daddy and Max to tell them we’re leaving. So you can say goodnight to them too.”

Adrian agreed to do that and being extra careful as not to disturb Evander and Kasumi, they walked through the practically empty corridors, holding hands and feeling like ghosts in an abandoned building (although he knew it was not abandoned, there were some people still there, just not in that area specifically).

They arrived at Max’s quarantine area and all the lights were out. It took him more than a second to notice Hugh sitting on the floor, in the middle of the room, barefoot and only wearing his undershirt and his blue leggings. He was holding Max close to his chest and had an empty bottle in his left hand.

He looked done. He looked so freaking done, but Max, on the other hand, looked very pleased with himself, sucking on his pacifier and with his brown eyes wide open.

Simon tried to hide his laugh. “What happened you guys?”

“Ask your kid,” Hugh answered. “He started it.”

“Just leave him in the crib,” Adrian said, a little bit impatient.

Hugh stood up, walked towards the crib, and, without taking his eyes away from Adrian, he put Max there. And Max, obviously, began to scream so loud that Adrian covered his ears.

“I can’t,” Hugh said. He hugged his baby once more and his screams turned into really quiet sobs. “He’s being a real Westwood right now.”

Simon pretended not to be offended by that joke (a joke Adrian was too young to understand and too tired to care about.)

He put his hands on his kid’s shoulders. “Adrian wants to go to bed,” he told Hugh. “And honestly, me too.”

“And I would love to join you,” Hugh said, “but, you know… your baby is holding me hostage. The Westwood genes—”

“Captain—”

“Okay, don’t get mad.” He pulled Max closer to him. “He won’t close his eyes. And I’ve already tried almost everything.”

Adrian bumped his head against the glass and Simon imitated him. If Hugh hadn’t been holding Max, he would probably do that too.

When looked up again, he wanted to wish him good luck with the Max thing and that he should ask Evander and Kasumi before getting in their improvised bed (if he didn't want to sleep on the floor and preferred something a little bit more comfortable) (although he suspected Evander was going to get all defensive and Hugh was going to have to sleep in the floor anyways.) But he couldn't because the first thing he noticed was that the room was covered in a dark blue light that came out of a small sphere that was one of Max's night lights.

Hugh didn't notice Simon's confusion.

“Love, don't you think that's going to have an opposite effect?” he asked him, doing his best not to sound too… rude.

“No, not at all,” Hugh answered. “He likes it. I don't know if it's the colors or what but he likes it.”

“Good, but the point it's for him to fall asleep,” he insisted. “Not if he likes it or not.”

But he pretended as if he hadn't listened to him and turned on the other night light.

Immediately, the room was filled with yellow stars that contrasted with the blue veil that filled their vision.

At that moment, Simon realized Max was looking at him. He smiled at him, his baby smiled back, and then hid his face on his dad's chest. Then, Simon turned invisible, and when Max looked at him again, he reappeared, making him giggle.

And he hid his face again.

It was a game they constantly played when he was visiting him. And he hoped they would never stop playing it.

“What are you doing?” Adrian asked Hugh, who was scrolling through his cellphone, almost mindlessly.

“I'm searching for a— for a song… a song Max likes,” he mumbled. Then, he clicked his tongue. “Max likes a very specific song, and I play it when nothing else works. It is so energetic, it makes him very tired. But… I can't find it right now.”

Max turned his face around and Simon appeared once more.

“Why don't you sing it to him?” he wondered.

“Oh, no, he cries every time I try to sing a song for him—” he stopped looking at his phone for a second “—Every single time, Si. I don't know what's with him and my singing. He just goes crazy and it's impossible to calm him down. Won't try again, zero out of ten.”

After a few more scrolling, Hugh ended up finding the song and smiled. He put his phone on a small table, and he and Simon made eye contact for a moment.

“You'll see he'll fall asleep after playing this,” Hugh told him. “Don't worry.”

Then, the song started playing.

Hugh sat Max inside his crib, but this time, he didn't cry. He just looked back at his dad, waiting for something to happen.

Adrian grabbed his hand and tried to pull him away. Then, tried doing the same with Simon's cape. But Simon was way too intrigued by Hugh's strategy. Mainly because he had never heard about it, even though he said it wasn't his first time doing it.

And he tried not to think about that.

So instead of walking away, he pulled Adrian closer to him and silently told him to stay still. Just for a while.

Hugh grabbed Max’s wrist very carefully and started moving them around.

Close your tired eyes, relax, and then,

Count from one to ten and open them.

All these heavy thoughts will try to weigh you down,

but not this time...

Simon wished he had brought a camera with him. Because Max looked as if he were dancing to the song and it was freaking adorable.

Way up in the air you're finally free,

and you can stay up there right next to me.

Hugh let go of Max’s wrists and stepped back a couple of meters. Max, once again, didn’t start crying and continued dancing in his baby way, wiggling his body and staring at his dad with a smile on his face.

All this gravity will try to pull you down,

but not this time...

Maybe it was the fact that Simon wasn’t aware of Max’s weird tendency to sleep when they played upbeat songs. Or maybe that he had never heard that song. He had seen him dancing at public events, with him or with other members of the Council. He had also seen him dancing during their wedding day, and he was dancing with him.

But he hadn’t seen him dancing like that before.

The chorus started and he lip-synced the lyrics while moving his feet. The stars moved around the room and the blue light gave the impression of him being in the middle of the space, among the universe that had made him and every single prodigy out there the way they were. He flapped his arms as if he was trying to imitate the shooting stars the singer was talking about. Colorful sparkles and rainbow comets seemed to appear all around him, surrounding him in a weird but beautiful whirlwind. But he didn’t even bother to look at them like he didn’t care about the things that were going on around him because at that moment, the only thing that existed there was him and the beat.

During the small bridge between the chorus and the next verse, he opened his eyes again, and their gazes crossed once more.

And since Simon knew that face as if it were his own, he could notice he was starting to feel embarrassed.

Adrian pulled his cape once more.

“Come on, Adrian,” he said, grabbing his older son by the wrist, “let’s show your brother and the Captain how we dance.”

Hugh started laughing and Adrian tried to kick him. “Noooo, let me go,” he complained.

“Hey, don’t be like that, it will be fun,” Simon insisted. Adrian stopped yelling and let his dad grab both of his hands, frowning and pouting. “Are you gonna let my husband dance better than us?”

He didn’t want to appeal to any of his two moods, but apparently, he did.

“No,” he answered immediately. “I’m the best dancer in this family.”

“Prove it,” Hugh said from the other side of the glass, casually leaning against Max’s crib. “We’re waiting.”

He remained completely still for a couple of seconds, gazing at him, and Simon started to move Adrian’s hands around like Hugh had done with Max before. His expression dulled little by little, and when he was finally convinced, he let out a very loud “UGH, FINE!” , with the same tone he had used to be homophobic at the restaurant. Simon laughed out loud and Hugh took his imaginary hat off, to let him know that the floor was his.

Gaze into my eyes when the fire starts,

and fan the flames so hot, it melts our hearts.

Oh, the pouring rain, will try to put it out,

but not this time…

First, Adrian moved his arms as if they were dancing a weird version of one of those vintage dances Simon had only seen on TV, similar to what they were doing during the party he constantly thought about. Then, Simon made him spin and they let go of each other, so Adrian could start giving it all, dancing like the guys from the (kind of) cheesy movies he liked to watch, which the professional actors made look cool but when he did it, were hilarious and lovely.

Let your colors burn and brightly burst

into a million sparks that all disperse,

and illuminate a world that'll try to bring you down,

but not this time...

“Pops, you’re not dancing!” Adrian suddenly yelled while pointed at him with an evil grin on his face. “You’re not dancing! Your husband is going to take us down if you don’t dance!”

Hugh had been moving up and down slightly because he knew that was Adrian’s moment to show off, but when he heard Adrian yelled that he got closer to them, dancing with more emphasis and pointing at Simon, like daring him to a duel. Adrian grabbed him by the waist to shake him up a little, and Simon just yelled: “I GOT IT, I GOT IT!”.

Because he got it. He knew he had to dance too.

Even if he wasn’t sure of how to do it.

And it was probably so obvious that Hugh noticed that small detail because as soon as the chorus started once again, he raised his arms, and Simon, without doubting, followed his lead. Then, he spread them, and it reminded him of when they were little and liked to think that they could develop flying abilities if they pretended they were planes. Simon moved a little bit to the left, then a little bit to the right, and realized they matched with the song and he didn’t look dumb at all while doing it.

Especially because Hugh was mirroring each of his movements and he was smiling and laughing, and even began to sing, just a little bit.

“The judges said that singing is not allowed during the competition,” said Adrian with a teasing tone of voice.

Hugh spun two times and Simon spun one.

“The evaluation criteria is completely arbitrary,” Hugh grinned. “I don’t understand it, it doesn’t exist to me.”

Adrian shook his head with fake exasperation and proceeded to shake his head from side to side, while snapping his fingers and singing the lyrics too, pretending he had a better singing voice than his dad did. Which was true.

Simon was about to make a joke about it, when he saw something moving in Max’s crib.

And he realized he had been completely terrified of not being there when that eventually happened.

He was holding onto the crib bars as if his life depended on it. His pacifier had fallen off his mouth, but he didn’t care and was staring at the rest of his family, completely poker-faced because obviously, he was so little he didn’t comprehend how amazing it was what he was doing.

Max was still too young to understand how amazing he was.

“MAX, YOU’RE STANDING!” Simon cheered. “HUGH, THE BABY IS STANDING!”

A thousand heartbeats beat in time…

Hugh turned around violently and Adrian pointed at his little brother immediately after noticing too, squealing and jumping. “He is! He really is!”

And when all the eyes went on Max, instead of hiding like he did every time someone who wasn’t the Council or his parents visited him, his whole face lit up and Simon could hear his baby laugh from the other side of the glass even louder than he could hear the music.

It makes this dark planet come alive...

Adrian continued to cheer his brother, stomping his feet and using the glass that divided them like a drum, and Hugh threw a glance at Simon, before looking at Max again and opening his arms as if Max was able to run to him and hug him.

“Max, you’re standing!” Hugh repeated. “Congratulations, love!”

So when the lights flicker out tonight...

Max's smile widened even more and he began his body up and down, with an intent to join the party. Simon couldn’t help but imitate his movements, and suddenly he got an idea.

You gotta shine...

He grabbed an invisible mic, pointed at the baby that was giggling so hard he had his eyes closed, and began to sing:

“When the sun goes down and the lights burn out, then it’s time for you to shine! Brighter than a shooting star! So shine no matter where you are! ”

Max's movements became quicker and his laugh louder. Adrian took out his imaginary guitar, and continued to stomp his feet while making guitar noises with his mouth because he was sure that he had just become an amazing musician and nothing could stop him.

And he looked so convinced that Simon believed him, because Adrian was as amazing as he believed he was, and he would never let anyone make him believe otherwise.

“Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light, 'cause it's time for you to shine!”

Finally, he saw Hugh grabbing two drumsticks that only existed inside his head, and beginning to play the battery, making all the stars and colorful sparkles jump around him, leaving small traces of their existence all around his face. He threw the drumsticks in the air, spun once more, and finally caught them in the air, before continuing playing his instrument.

Simon knew that Hugh was completely aware of how amazing he was. Prodigies with powers like the ones he had weren’t born every day, and prodigies who also had the exact combination of characteristics that allowed him to go as far as he had been able to go were even fewer.

But sometimes Simon did wonder if he knew he was also amazing when he wasn't being Captain Chromium.

Captain Chromium would never be able to make those rainbow sparkles shine as bright as Hugh Everhart was doing it right now, and Simon thought it was one of the most beautiful views his eyes would ever be able to see.

So when he spun again and tripped with his own feet, leaning against the glass to not hit his head with it, Simon pressed his hand against the glass.

“BRIGHTER THAN A SHOOTING STAR! ” Adrian yelled. “SO SHINE NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE!”

And we wondered again.

Do you know it?

Do you know how amazing you are being right now?

Please tell me you do.

But he never did. The singer, Adrian, and Max mumbled “Tonight” at the same time, although Max did in a way only he could understand and without even noticing what he was saying.

Simon smiled at Hugh, and he smiled back at him, as he always did.

When he walked to Max's crib and carried him in his arms, he noticed the sparkles were completely gone. But he still grabbed Max's little wrist and waved goodbye at them, while his baby's eyelids started getting heavy. Then, before he could do the same thing with Adrian, he threw a kiss at them, before hugging Simon's arm and asking him if they could go to sleep now, again.

Simon looked at Hugh one more time. Hugh tilted his head, smiled a little bit more, and said:

“Good night, Si.”

And Si laughed under his breath.

“Good night to you too. Shooting Star.”

He never called him like that again.

But it was alright because Hugh never danced like that again. And no one could see the same shooting star twice.

Still, Simon wanted to believe that someday he would.

Maybe someday.

#renegades ship week #renegades ship week 1 #renegades #archenemies #supernova #renegades trilogy #hugh everhart #simon westwood #adrian everhart-westwood #max everhart-westwood #the warden and the captain are sitting in a tree #obsi's writs #i knew i said that im gonna strat posting only on ao3 but this is for an event #gifts and event fics are gonna go here too JAJAJAJA

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''battle cry'' by blood on the dance floor

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

Text

Favored Ones, Part 7. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who’s deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it’s crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there’s way more to the relationship that one would’ve guessed.

A/N: The last chapter before we proceed to the actual fucked up story.

Warnings: x

Word count: 2.7 K

Tagging: @missdictatorme @xxgoldenhour @nemodoren @gladiosamicitias @jodiereedus22

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

When Joel got up in the morning, he was grumpy yet relaxed. His night was one of the best he had in a long time. He could describe it as unforgettable. As he was putting on his clothes for the forest teaching session, he caught himself smiling.

Joel was looking forward to seeing you again that morning even if you left not too long ago. When he started to think differently, he was even missing you. Your smell and your taste were still in his hut, invasive more than the Spanish invading America. Your taste was in his mouth even after he brushed his teeth and he smelled yourself on his skin when he took a shower.

Oh, he was going crazy for you, definitely, because he was afraid that the others will smell you from his own body.

With that, he took his bow and his old trusty revolver and went to the stables for his horse. He met Ellie there, and she was grinning at him like she knew what's up with him. She looked tired as hell, just as tired as he was, so he had an idea of what she was doing that night.

"Wow. You're not the Joel that I know." - She looked at him and have him a leash for a horse he was taking almost every time.

"Why?" - He chuckled and walked by Ellie's side through the town. Both of them looked happy and contained, which wasn't a normal thing for a long time. People were smiling at them and waving them - to their shock, they waved back.

"Joel. You're smiling and you're in a good mood." - She bumped his shoulder with her fist and giggled. - "I haven't seen you like that since... I've never had."

"I guess. Y/N is really fun to be around." - Joel smiled and Ellie opened up her mouth. You scored! The balls were in the hole! You've run a home run! She was about to scream with happiness. She couldn't believe that you had actually talked Joel down.

"Oh, so that's what we're talking about. Good to see you finally trying to move on." - She nodded. - "Dina is actually fun to be around." - Ellie winked with nothing else to say and left to join her group of friends. Joel stood back for a minute or two, just watching you chat with that Jesse boy.

You were laughing, standing there in your winter coat with a bow and a quiver over your shoulder. You looked happy.

“Don’t tell me that you two are fucking.” - You yelled suddenly. It was so loud that only someone def wouldn't hear it. You were looking at Ellie and Dina, both of them looking at you in complete shock. - “Holy motherfucking shit, guys. I know that you’re into licking holes, girls, but this was way sooner than we expected. You talked about it like… Yesterday. Nice. Good job!”

Joel had to chuckle. That was how he knew you for all that time - except now he could hear you saying his name and moaning with pleasure in his head, he could see your boobs jumping around and he could almost feel the warmth of you on his finger. But you still needed to be tamed down.

“Y/N, language.” - He told you with a chuckle and his eyes were shining. Your face shone with an innocent, lovely smile as you nodded. You definitely were thinking about fucking him as soon as you will be able to get your hands on him. - “We have children here. Alright?”

“I’m sorry. It just took me by surprise. Not gonna happen again, I swear.” - You looked down on your lumberjack shoes and smiled innocently as he and his horse walked past you. He heard some of the remarks Jesse has and he heard you laughing at that bickering.

"Hey, kiddos." - Joel greeted his favorite little lads. The thirteen-year-old twins Bobby and Greg, the boys were just loving the time they could be in the forest. They were really good at taking the skin off of a rabbit and they were making really good traps. - "Nice to see you. Are you looking forward to today?"

"Of course. Tracking down foxes will be really cool!" - Bobby yelled out loud and he wiggled so much that he would have fallen down if Joel didn't catch him. - "I think that Y/N wants to talk with you." - Greg said with a curious tone and looked at you sitting on your horse. Joel smiled - not at the boys, but because you were there and behind him.

“So, just as we agreed?” - You spoke in a light, excited voice as he began to turn at you. You were dressed in a winter coat, but could see a flash of his shirt beneath it. He also saw only the upper part of your face, because your lips were covered.

“Yeah, just as we agreed. Stay in the area of the mapped roads and be back on time. No unexpected things today, I beg you.” - He answered. Was he... Worried? Yeah. He was worried about you getting lost or hurt. He knew you could look after yourself, but letting you go on your own was weird. Joel wouldn't be there to take care of you. He slowly rose his palm to smooth the horse's neck.

“How many times we’ve been into the woods, big guy? I know those places like the back of my hand. I will be okay and I will behave well, I promise.” - You winked at him and just as you looked around to control the situation around you, your fingertips quickly brushed over his hand. You were cold as ice, but that small contact still made him excited and his body filled with anticipation. But before he could say something, your hand was gone and somehow and Joel could tell that you're biting your lip and that maybe, you're getting wet again. Before the cordyceps epidemic, he had heard that women are into secret relationships, which made them even more eager to fuck every time they could... No. There was no room for thoughts like that. He stopped himself.

No place for that.

Your head turned back to look in front of the horse, but he could say that you're smiling even more than before.

“I would say you behave. Safety first. You see something you can’t shoot with a bow or kill with a knife, you run. Won’t you be cold out there?” - That was it. He was definitely worried about you. You will be all alone up in the forest and if anything happens... No. There was also no place for that.

“Wouldn’t you wanna know, old man?” - You bickered back with a playful tone and showed him your watch with a set timer before you got to hold on the leash again. - “Got my timer set and bow steady, time to go. See you somewhere around Whitetail, Joel.” - And with that, you rode out of the town and Joel watched your back disappearing in the forest. He hadn't got the greatest feeling about all of that, but he tried to calm himself down.

You knew your way with the bow and you were even greater with a knife. If anything would've happened, you would've run, but you were smart enough to start an offensive or use a hiding tactic. You will be good.

He would feel sad and worried if Adam wouldn't open up his mouth. Adam and two other boys were the ones who were making those mornings a living nightmare.

"Hey, Joel? Where's Y/N going?" - He teased Joel. His tone was rude. - "Who's ass are we going to watch?" - He asked again. At that moment, Joel just tensed up, exhaled slowly and turned to Adam as something was telling him that he should beat the fuck out of that adolescent cocksucker and his little friends, but when he was about to grab Adam's jacket, so he could roll the boy in the snow and beat his face.

But thanks God for Ellie at that moment.

"You can watch my ass, you jerk." - She drove so her horse stood next to Adam's. - "But if you watch Dina's, you're dead." - She turned the situation into a joke.

"But you're a dike, Ellie. I can't have wet dreams about you." - Adam chuckled and with that, Joel clapped his hands.

"Alright, alright. We'll do it like we do I always, our today's keepers are Jesse, Ellie, and Dina, so if you see anything suspicious, just tell me or them and we're leaving." - He got on his horse's back and with that, the session had officially started.

The younger kids had a lot of fun, as they usually did. The older kids were annoying the hell out of Jesse and Dina about they broke up and the rest was just kind of... There and listening.

In the middle of Joel talking about foxes and their behavior in the forest since the apocalypse, a girl named Mavis stood up and watched something in the woods.

"What do you see?" - One of Adam's friends asked in that typical tone of his. - "A big, scary fox? It's going to bite you."

"Charles. Keep that down." - Dina said annoyedly as Adam laid into her and Ellie with another stupid question. - "Or I swear I fucking kick your ass."

"No... It's not an animal, asshat. I think that I see a man." - Mavis whispered, but when Joel and the others turned that way, the prelude was gone. While Joel believed that maybe she really saw someone walking by, as the other did, everybody else said to Mavis that she should get some glasses. - "I swear to God, I saw a man with black boots walking that way. He had some fur and he disappeared immediately." - Mavis whispered to Joel and he hugged her with one hand. He tried to calm her down, but Ellie approached him with a worried face.

"Mavis, honey, go to your horse." - Ellie leaned down to kiss her forehead and patted her shoulder as she made Mavis leave. - "Joel... There are no people there. It's been... Two years since we have seen someone strange here. I feel like we should get back inside and investigate it."

"Yeah. That's probably a good idea. Might've been a hunter who's only passing by, but there's never enough carefulness, right?" - Joel said to Ellie and smiled. It was almost time to meet you at Whitetail, so they had to be going no matter what. They drove to Whitetail in thirty minutes after you should've met up with them and the crossroads were empty. You weren't there.

"Okay. She's probably lost track of time. No big deal." - Ellie waved it off with a smile, but Joel looked even more worried after that. He shook his head and looked at the three of them.

"She had her timer set and she promised me to be back on time. I trust her." - Joel answered worriedly.

"Joel, really, it's not that big of a deal." - Dina got into the conversation with a nice, assertive tone. - "Y/N usually has her head all over the place. This isn't anything new or unusual."

"Maybe she met the hunter guy from before. And the layer of the snow it really thick today, maybe Sadie got stuck in it." - Jesse presented his idea to the class as well, but Joel wasn't interested in a shitty bit.

"Let's do it like this. You two will stay here and I and Ellie will lead the kids back. Then we'll join you again." - Joel said as if it was a definite decision, but Ellie cut him off.

"Or what about me going to look after her while Jesse and Dina stay here on a watch? That's a better idea." - She said as she turned her horse in the direction you're headed. Joel's protest wasn't valid as she made her horse run as fast as it was possible.

She had no time to lose over Joel's protective bullshit or his need to plan everything out. If something happened, she needed to find you immediately - it was freezing cold, the snow was reaching her upper thighs and the night was coming quickly during those times. Ellie took you as her family, you were dear to her and she knew that from that night, Joel was officially seeing you as someone who could belong with him.

When she arrived at the alleged spot, she sat on her horse's back straight and exhaled. She didn't dare to call your name out loud, but she wasn't blind to see the shoe prints in the snow - and they certainly weren't yours. Those were man's footprints. And not one pair, there were multiple sizes.

Ellie for off and took her gun out to have it nearby if she would need it to her and probably your defense as well. But the first red flag had risen up in her eyes when she saw small bloodstains in the snow. It could've only been the blood of the animals that you've hunted down, but there were no bigger stains that indicated the place where the animals got shot.

So she decided to follow the trails down the road. There were footprints, broken branches on the ground - and the blood was more and more visible as she proceeded further to the woods. When she saw the animal lying on the ground, she stopped for a minute, only for the realization to hit her.

It was your own fucking horse. When she ran to its dead body through the snow, she almost slipped and fell down, watching the animal with her eyes wide open. Its throat was sliced and its knee was practically pierced with an arrow. It was still warm tho, so it didn't lay there for too long.

Something caught and she thought it might have been the hunter she and Joel saw just an hour ago. They could she still be near - but Ellie didn't go after them. It was too dangerous. She didn't have any idea how many men there were, how armed there was and in what state they have you in.

You could be well and alive as well as bruised, with something broken or dead. She needed to immediately tell everyone - so they could figure out what had happened and how to make it right again.

Her horse was running than the earth was spinning around the sun as she traveled to the meet point at Whitetail. Dina and Jesse were still on a watch there, sitting by a low fire to keep them warm and to scare the animals away as the sky was getting darker. She almost couldn't catch her breath as she ran the hill to meet up with them.

“I-I found Sadie, her horse.” - Ellie stuttered, looking at both of them.

“Why didn’t you bring him back? We could look into her logbook.” - Jesse answered and Dina shook her head. She knew Y/N way better than he did. Y/N had never done her responsibilities until she necessarily needed to.

“She only wrote notes to her logbook when she was back in the town. She did write only when she was scheduled to go out. It wouldn’t help at all.”

“Dead. That horse is dead with an arrow in its knee and sliced throat. I do have any idea where she is.” - Ellie said with a panic in her voice. She was already thinking about what this is going to do to Joel. I will hurt him like shit - and as well as she knew him...

She knew that he’ll probably go on a rampage just to find that woman.

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie and joel tlou #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #joel #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #knife dad #knife dad’s lesbian daughter #on a rampage off they fucking go #favored ones #naughty dog games

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transgamerthoughts · 4 years

Text

Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Thoughts and Ramblings

Surprised to dust this off but I want to collect my thoughts quickly now that credits are rolling on Remake:

In general, I enjoyed it quite a lot. As one of many players with a unique relationship to the original (I first “played” it watching a childhood friend over the course of several sleepovers before playing on my own and occasionally returning to it) I was skeptical. I’ve express some of that skepticism at Kotaku , a website I write at. Remakes and remasters sometimes fall short or deviate in strange ways. Remake forges its own path and I’m grateful for it.

SPOILERS AHEAD KIDDOS

So! Here’s some scattered thoughts. Maybe they end up on Kotaku, maybe not. And while I’m loathe to immediately rush to create content on a Sunday night, this game has my mind spinning. Here we go.

The characterizations in this game are very strong, perhaps stronger than the original’s Midgar section. Some of that is owed to a very bad localization in ‘97 (you can get insight into that from my former colleague Tim Rogers’ series here) but Remake takes a lot of effort to allow the cast to breathe. That can come from the ways in which Cloud alters his way of taking with Tifa, and it can come in the moment where Barrett is more explicitly an ideologue. It’s quite good even if the script has a flaw that we’ll talk about in a second.

That flaw is, frankly, that if you’ve not played the original then Remake is going to end up impenetrable in the final hours. This is particularly true once characters like Zack are brought into the fold and the visuals begin to mirror the original. (See: the hard cuts before Sephiroth and Clouds final duel mirroring the Omnislash moment from ‘97.) I don’t think that diminishes the character work here but I think that the more interesting meta-narrative stuff *so* damn crucial to this game that I can’t imagine what a newcomer will think.

Connected to this, I’ve seen folks disappointed that this is not a perfect remake but in this instance, I think that sentiment is misplaced. Valid, but shortsighted? You can’t make Final Fantasy VII today. Not in the way it existed in ‘97. Which isn’t to say the visuals or script but the context cannot be reproduced. New hardware, FMVs taking a forefront, an advertising campaign that positioned the game in competition with movies, and a cultural splash that the series hasn’t ever quite replicated. Because the weight of expectation hovers over Remake—folks have been obsessed with a new version since the PS3 tech demo stirred imagination at E3 2020—the game *needs* to be about that. To be a game about this moment, the moment gamers have waited decades for, Remake needs to be about itself in a very explicit way.

I can’t not see the Whispers and Arbiters of Fate as anything other than stand-ins for gamers, fans, and the culture as a whole. That’s an obvious reading but an undeniable one. The core question of Remake doesn’t really have much to do with the fictional stakes. It’s this: who owns Final Fantasy VII, and who owns the Remake? Is it the story tellers or the players? I have a cheat answer: it belongs to the characters. In unbinding themselves from player expectation, they claim ownership over the narrative now.

Aeris just flat out knows she’s in a sequel/alt-timeline thing. Her final line is about missing the surety of something as presumably ever present at the metal sky of Midgar’s plates.

I like the combat here more than FFXV, which isn’t saying a lot but worth saying. There’s more participation from the player. That’s it. I don’t think *more* active choice inherently makes a combat system better but it is the key reason this works better than XV.

Character swapping breaks things somewhat since enemy aggro is (save for using the provoke materia) focused on the player. Wish the combat design took this into consideration a bit more. It’s the one glaring flaw in the system.

Tifa is the most fun to play as in this game. It’s not even a contest. Starshower is overpowered as hell and Chi Trap rules. Love using her to increase the potency of the stagger meter when the time comes.

Fights do get occasionally Too Busy. Airbuster is a big culprit here. Too many phases for what was essentially a jobber of a boss in the original game.

Train Graveyard section is an atrocious pace killer as well. Again: “too many notes.”

I never found the Nail Bat and that was a bit of a bummer.

I tweeted out a quote from Barrett this weekend and it made the rounds. In general, for this game, Barrett works best in this revolutionary mode even if certain scenes (Shinra middle manager for instance) deploy visual language that’s dated. Of any character, he has the highest highs and lowest lows. Not surprising.

re: that tweet some folks kinda lost their shit about it(?) but I think the quote still holds. Remake does a good job of showing *individuals* within Shinra but Barrett does rightly note they are complicit to an extent in Shinra’s crimes. You can disagree with what Barrett does about it but that’s 100% true. Sorry, not sorry. (The discourse today was just a hassle frankly. Multiple things can be true at once, but I don’t think Twitter is a place where that’s ever acknowledged.) Whatever eventual regrets he might feel about methodology in ‘97′s script, he’s not wrong on this individual point. I’m interested to see where he goes as a character when it comes to all this.

Kinda related to the above, Remake arguably does a better job than ‘97 showing the alternative to Shinra. It’s the communal nature of the individual sectors. It’s the Neighborhood Watch and local leaders in Sector 7, the trio in Wall Market. Remake rejects Shinra’s autocracy and favors the various slums communes. This is made ever more clear by how little of Reeve we see in this script. Who are the leaders shaping life into a passable experience in Midgar? It’s not the Urban Planning guy with the cat robot.

Also: hey, is that Cait Sith in the plate drop cutscene? Yep! Hope you played the original or there’s just this sad cat that shows up for 4 four seconds.

Is he a Chad? Well, he’s Chad-ley...

Not sure what to think of the Wutai stuff being more explicit but it feels right for 2020 for a variety of reasons. I’ve never been too interested in FF7′s realpolitik tho. It’s not really much of an expansion so much as a background element but one that’s deployed a bit lazily.

Roche owns in a way I was not expecting. He’s a balls to the wall anime motherfucker and I kinda love him? I’m really, really surprised that (as far as I could tell) he didn’t even come back for the final bike sequence tho.

I don’t really have the energy to litigate or talk about Wall Market much. I think it’s better than the original but pandering in the sense that it’s a very safe and commodified version of queerness. I appreciate that Nomura and folks looked at the original and were like “well, we can’t do *that*” but it doesn’t quite land for me.

That said: “yes, I know, nailed it,” is a fantastic line with a fantastic read from Cloud’s English VA.

Hell House announcers rule. Hell House fight? Kinda terrible actually.

Nice shout out to Kunsel in Shinra Tower. Crisis Core is a messy game but I like Tabata’s work a lot. Even the messy stuff, which is most of it. That game’s story is bonkers but I like Zack and I actually like the idea of the Digital Mind Wave as a mechanic. If nothing else, Squeenix lost a pretty exciting designer when he left.

Less nice? This game’s tendency to pad out dungeons. The whole approach to the Sector 5 reactor comes to mind. Train fight then tunnels then sun lamps then reactor. It’s a lot. Also: all of the extra Hojo stuff. I know we’re padding out like 5 hours but some of the sections could have been abbreviated. Probably would have made the game better.

Even less nice? Zack’s English voice actor. Maybe the only voice actor I didn’t like. Really miss Rick Gomez on this one.

Conversely, Red XIII? They nailed it. 11/10. Nanaki, I love you so much.

Counterstance is an amazing move and I can’t want to carry that over into Hard Mode.

The Jenova fight fuckin’ ripped. I was a bit huffy when I learned through leaks that there was a Jenova fight (since the first fight in the original is on the boat to Costa Del Sol) but this was a great set piece. One of the moments where everything worked.

Also good: Rufus fight. Bad: losing Rufus’ speech to the party.

Not a ton more thoughts right now? Sephiroth fight was good although for all his presence in the story I think we suffer without the full Nibelheim flashback to round things out. In all really liked it. Want to play again pretty much immediately. Will write something more cogent for the site I guess? Got a few ideas. But yeah! entered as skeptic and left mostly a believer on this one.

#final fantasy vii remake #spoilers

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askthetotallynotcampcamp · 4 years

Note

field trip to didney

Ava: as yes of course

-----------

Max: *sleeping* (him, david and jasper live in a house-)

Jasper: *vibing* M A X

Max: ugh whatttt *rolls over on his bed*

David: *humming a surprisingly happier tune than normal, how is this even possible??* Big day today!!

Max: if you take us on a nature walk one more time dad-

Jasper: It’s going to be way more fun than that!! If that’s even possible, that is-

David: mhm! as much as I love nature walks, this is probably going to be even better!!

Max: and we need....suitcases? *gets out of bed*

Jasper: We need to be out of the house by, uh, what time is it right now? 6? We need to leave by 6:30-! So hurry up and get ready!!

David: dont worry, we'll make it! it could get could outside, so bring a sweatshirt!! I'll go start the bus *goes off to find the keys to the bus and trail mix*

Max: *super tired* ugh okayyyy

-after he packs stuff-

Max: *gets on the bus with mr honeynuts*

Jasper: *lmao sits on the bus or smth* Woo this is so EXCITING

David: Okay, we just gotta pick up everyone else and well be on our way!! Is everyone buckled in?

Max: *is just chilling on the window seat* dad, this bus doesnt have any since it's like a house but I'll just say yes- WAIT THE WHOLE GOD DAMN CAMP?

Jasper: We can’t leave anyone out!

David: Exactly, what your dad said!! first we're gonna pick up Neil, of course, and we'll go from there! *starts the bus* Anyone want some trail mix?

Max: dang I havent seen any of them since summer- and no dad *eats fruit snacks*

Jasper: Don’t eat too many fruit snacks, that’s unhealthy for you

David: we're here!

Max: time to do my job, I'll knock *runs off the bus and onto Neil's porch and knocks*

Carl: *opens door* Hello?

Max: oh uh- hey Carl, is Neil ready? Hes the first to be picked up-

Carl: Ah yes, got it. Neil!

Neil: *approaches* Hello?

Max: wassup dude! Are you all ready- my dads are in the car *puts his arms around his buddy pal Neil*

Neil: Oh yeah! Let me get my stuff, hold on

Max: okay, not like I care!- *pretend angy and walks to the bus*

Neil: *grasps stuff and goes to bus time*

Max: *plops on one of the beds in the back and waits for his buddy pal*

Neil: *plops next to max*

Jasper: Hello Neil!

Neil: uh, hi

David: Goooooood morning neil! Are you ready to go on the adventure of your life!

Max: dad please-

Neil: *awkward silence oop*

Jasper: Alright let’s go get the others!!

Max: sorry about David, I guess where hes taking us is "exciting" but takes over 24 hours to get there-

Neil: Huh? Oh, I know where we’re going

Max: they told you? Ugh why cant I know

Jasper: Neil don’t spoil the surprise for Max!!!

Neil: Oh I won’t

David: max will be happy for once! Oh I'm so excited!!

Max: this is shit! I should be able to know *crosses his arms*

Jasper: Language! You’ll know when we get there!

Neil: Yeah MAX

Max: in 24 hourssssssssss *lies across thy Neil in the most dramatic way possible*

Bus: *beep beep gather children*

Nerris: *walks on the bus* awe I knew they would end up together! He fell asleep on you Neil, how cute

Preston: ah! Best Romeo and juliet ever!

Jasper: Children do not wake up Max if he is sleeping! We had to wake him up very early for this

Neil: *is mr honeynuts*

Max: *wraps his arms around thy neil bc sleep*

Nerris: aweeeeeee

Preston: oh my goodness so cute!

Neil: *mr honeyNUTS*

David: kids just leave them alone and let them have their little snuggle fest, awe so cute- anyways! *parks the car at a rest stop* anyone hungry or need to use the bathroom?

Nurf: i needs to peepee

David: ooooookay then! I'm going to go get some McDonald's so, let's go Nurf!

Max: *still sleeping bc his weird dads woke him up at 6 am*

Jasper: Get chicken tendies or I am divorcing

Neil: well, this is uh, g gay

Max: *awakenand realizes what's going on* what the hell? *sits up and is embarrassed bc hes max* that's gay, AND IM N O T GAY

David: okay honey!

Neil: Oh- hi max

Max: why didnt you move me or something?

Literally all the campers: *looking*

Neil: well your dad told me not to wake you up-

Max: *gets up and walks over to his papa* dad, what did I do to neil? Was it that embarrassing you couldn't wake me up?

Jasper: Hey, calm down kiddo- you fell asleep and you needed sleep and Neil was just- there

Nerris: it was really cute-

Max: SHUT UP NERRIS

Jasper: Language!

Neil: It really was-

Max: that's not bad language!- wait what Neil-

Neil: Oh, uh, nothing

Max: *red boy* you agreed with Nerris-

Nerris: see harrison, I'm a match maker! That's better than your magic!

David: I'm back! Here are you chicken tenders sweetie *gives them to the jasp* let's get this show on the road! *turns on the heater and starts the bus*

Neil: *not vibing*

Jasper: *is vibing with chicken tendies*

Max: *smirks* you like me, dontcha Neil

Neil: What? No, ew, never

Nikki: pft please I know love when I see it!

Max: *crosses his arms and smirks at neil*

Neil: What? Shut up!

Nikki: aweeeee

Max: jesus christ Neil you look like a god damn tomato

David: language!

Neil: Just shut up!

Max: okay no need to be so feisty

Jasper: we’re getting closer wOOO

Max: sits on the couch and takes out his Nintendo switch and plays animal crossing*

Nikki: *goes up to Neil* so, when ya gonna make your move?

Neil: Make what? I’m not going to do anything!

Nikki: awe c'mon Neil look at him! Go sit with him! Make your move!

Neil: What? Why? What’s the point?

Nikki: he probably likes you too!

Max: likes who?

Neil: Nononono! Nobody! I like nobody leave me alone! *neils away*

David: leave Neil alone guys

Max: *genuinely concerned* sorry neil-

Neil: Just go away! I wanna be alone right now *angree neil*

Max: um okay *sits on the couch again*

Jasper: *approaches max lmao* What’s happening? Is something wrong?

Max: well I guess Neil likes someone and I was annoying him and hes pissed

Jasper: Watch your language- also, did you consider that he maybe likes you and he’s being defensive because he likes you?

Max: what! He doesnt! Hes like, my best friend!

Jasper: Okay but he started getting defensive when you fell asleep on him so I’m just saying

Max: *red boy* I uh- no he didnt! *crosses his arms*

Jasper: Oh really? I saw the whole thing and it seems like I’m right homie

Max: looks over at neil then back at his papa* HOLY SHIT YOURE RIGHT

Jasper: Don’t say bad words!

Max: *whispers* dad I think I like boys too

Jasper: oh wow i wonder who you got that trait from

Max: literally both of you!

Jasper: Yeah I know dumdum

Max: yall are g a y

Jasper: Why don’t you go try to like, calm him down or something instead of talking about who in this bus is gay

Max: *knocks on Neil's curtain that covers his room cot thing??* Hey dude, can we uh- talk?

Neil: About what?

Max: about what happened dingus

Neil: Fine.

Max: *sits on his bed* I'm sorry dude. I didnt mean for you to get pissed off or anything-

Neil: It’s fine, Nikki made me frustrated I guess

Max: *kisses his cheek* that never happened!

Neil: *oraneg* *red* I- WHAT??

Max: jesus christ you're so difficult neil *kisses thy neil*

Neil: *crimson*

-when they all have to s leep-

Max: DAVID WE'RE GOING TO FKING DISNEYWORLD?!

Time: it is now 6 pm when they get there

Jasper: WE ARRIVED

Max: YAY! *grabs his stuff and gets off the bus*

The rest of the campers: *get off the bus*

-when they get to their room-

Max: *throws his stuff on to his bed*

Jasper: *bursts in* We’re all going swimming woooo *throws floaties*

Max: ugh fineeeee *changes into swim shorts and walks down to the pool* sup losers

Jasper: Max! Don’t call others losers that hurts their feelings

Harrison: *loses pants cutely*

Max: pft whatever

David: max! You dont have your floaties on!

Nerris: you suck Harrison!

Jasper: Max! You might drown!!

Harrison: *pees*

David: gosh dang Harrison how many times!

Harrison: I COULDNT HOLD IT IN

Nerris: *literally laughing way too hard* HARRISON HOW ARE YOU SO STUPID

David: *walks over to harrison and gives him a towel and whispers to him* put you pants back on-

Harrison: I don’t know where they went!!

Jasper: hooey *>:(*

David: Nerris, since Harrison is your dearest most bestest friend, help him look for his shorts-

Nerris: what the hell! Why me!! I dont want to see his small thing!

Jasper: Nerris don’t talk back to David!

Harrison: twerking is fun

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watchingspn-blog · 5 years

Text

spn rewatch | wendigo

I’m gonna be real upfront right now. This episode scared the piss out of me when I first saw it. I’m sorry but a crazy fast, perfect hunter who can move faster than you can blink and eats human flesh to survive and can mimic a person’s voice to lure you to them?! I WAS TERRIFIED! It didn’t help that I had just moved into our new house, which is on five acres of land with about four of those acres being nothing but woods. But, for real, I know some of the effects aren’t as good as they could be by today’s standards but I actually loved and was terrified of this episode the first time I saw it, which kind of amped up the scary factor from the pilot for me.

Okay, here we go.

So as if we needed to further cement that this is taking place in glorious 2005, you’ve got two guys playing games on their Nintendo DS’s (RIP pre-Glee Cory Monteith, the only person who could’ve competed with Jared vertically) and then Tommy recording a video on his Blackberry, somehow magically having it perfectly level with his face despite not being able to see the screen as he records. Like seriously that’s the supernatural activity they should be investigating.

Okay but so some of the wendio effects later in the episode are not so great but in this first scene, I think they made some pretty solid choices of just relying on the whole concept of “less is more” and giving mostly scary sounds and rustling trees and making you more afraid of what could be in the forest than creating a scary visual to throw at you right off the bat. Solid scary intro scene.

The cemetery scene. Totally classic shoutout to Carrie. I had just gotten into Stephen King when I started watching Supernatural (honestly I was delving into all kinds of horror themed things at the time) and I’d seen Carrie for the first time not too long before this. Which means not only was I super scared by the jump scare (because I’m still jumpy as fuck to this day), I was also SUPER proud of myself for knowing what they were trying to reference there. I definitely thought I was cool for getting that one. Now, not so much. But the scene still makes me jump.

I really do like the ways they’re kind of trying to establish how the brothers care for each other. Like you know right off the bat in the pilot that their relationship is rough at best and that there’s some pretty obvious toxic masculinity on Dean’s part at least but like you can still see that Dean’s concerned. He’s got his own way of showing it but he’s worried about his little brother.

Side note: just remember that they both had a seriously messed up childhood and the fact that either of them are as close to normal as they are is impressive. Like I think all things considered, they’re pretty well adjusted. Kind of.

This episode is kind of outside the norm compared to future episodes with how Sam and Dean both handle the case when they first get to town. The fact that Sam just wants to go straight to the coordinates John left them while Dean’s the one saying “maybe we should do a little research first” is bizarro. But it also kind of helps show just where Sam’s mind is at at this point. He’s not coming to this as a hunter taking on a case, he’s a man with a vendetta and the next step he needs to take is finding John. He’s fueled by anger and grief and guilt and that kind of reflects when he seems less concerned about what’s going on in the woods and more interested in just getting out there ASAP.

Okay, just like they couldn’t pass as US Marshals, the guys seriously do not look like park rangers at all. Like you guys aren’t even trying come on. And good on Haley for being suspicious even if she did seem to buy into their story for a bit.

BABY HAN SOLO!

I totally did not realize that was Alden Ehrenreich playing Ben until I saw his name on screen at the beginning of the episode. He looks so so so young in this ohmygod. Also think I’ll need to keep a list of like all the crazy celeb cameos of people who got famous after being on the show. Or were already famous but I totally forgot popped up.

For our next super underrated guest star scene of the series, Shaw - the old man who’s parents were taken by a “grizzly” back when he was a kiddo in 1959.

Like seriously, it’s one scene but Donnelly Rhodes (RIP) does an amazing job with the scene and like it kind of leaves me with chills whenever he says that whatever it was didn’t break down the door but unlocked it. Like that’s still hella spooky to me. Also, I still don’t totally understand why the wendigo left him behind. Like you’d think for a monster that is going to have a big ass meal before hibernation would want as much meat as possible. Like yeah a little kid wouldn’t much but he’d be something right?

Also that’s a gnarly scar like how did he survive that.

So Dean talks about it being possibly a skinwalker or a black dog but like looking into what those both actually are I honestly don’t understand why he would think that based on what they know about the attacks. Like black dogs are death omens and skinwalkers wouldn’t be able to do the kind of damage that’s being done considering everyone’s just like “oh it’s a grizzly”. So like I dunno, I guess this might’ve been the writers tossing out references to other creatures to make it sound like Dean knows a bunch but like neither of those would be my first guesses for this case.

Kind of just like “early installment weirdness” but whatever. It’s not a big deal, just me nitpicking.

Okay so Roy is kind of a jackass but like he knows what he’s doing for the most part and he totally doesn’t buy the guys story about beng park rangers for one minute. So like I can respect that. And like if it would’ve been an actual animal attacking people, he might’ve survived but oh well.

I do like that Haley just goes ahead and calls bullshit on the park rangers story before they even go on their adventure but Dean’s whole “it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman...ever.” is just kind of cringey.

So all the traipsing through the woods and the “I’m smarter than you” staredown between Roy and Sam is not super interesting but I do like that 1 - we get to see Sam being angry and being emotional in a more volatile way because that’s not often the case as the show goes on - and 2 - we get our iconic line of “saving people, hunting things, the family business” and the whole idea that they’re not supposed to meet up with John but do the jobs he doesn’t have time for while he’s hunting for the demon that killed Mary.

I don’t think I really realized why John would leave them coordinates and the journal when he didn’t plan on actually meeting up with them when I watched this as a kid. I just kind of shrugged it off as like a necessary plot device for the show to progress, didn’t really see it as anything with a deeper meaning. And I think it’s fair that you can’t read too much into after an episode and a half because there’s so much that we don’t know yet about the boys and John and their story and all of that. But like looking at it with the knowledge of their lives and everything, it’s a lot heavier moment to me. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

Okay so the rest of the episode is just encounter monster, piss off monster, get kidnapped by monster, track monster, kill monster. Kind of standard, not super exciting like there’s not a lot to talk about. Dean with his molotov cocktails is kind of fantastic.

The trail of M&Ms is fun and yes better than breadcrumbs. Sam immediately becoming invested in killing the monster once Dean’s been taken gives me all kinds of feels because I love when these two go into protective brother mode. And Dean all banged up with bruises and cuts and dirt is a look I probably shouldn’t like as much as I do but that’s a conversation for another day.

The wendigo does look a little cheesy when you get better glimpses of it because early 00s special effects so it’s definitely for the best they keep things pretty shadowy for the end of the episode. Not the worst looking monster of season one and still scary enough, to me at least.

So this is the episode that seems to start the trend that if there’s a girl involved and her life gets saved by the Winchesters, one of them is going to flirt with her and get some kind of physical affection before they leave town. It doesn’t happen every episode but it happens enough that 26 year old me is rolling my eyes. 14 year old me had no issues with Sam and Dean getting smooches because look at them. But now I’m kind of like this seems a little unnecessary but whatever. It’s not the worst instance and all in all, I actually really liked Haley. I liked the whole Collins family. They were some solid guest characters and I feel like the scenes where Sam and Dean are interacting with them individually does a good job of kind of fleshing out their characters a bit more. It gives a chance for some necessary exposition without feeling too forced.

All in all, solid episode. Scary monster, intensified my fear of the woods, gave some good scenes, iconic lines. Does it have some cheesy moments? Yes. Is it the best episode of the series? No. Does it still scare me when I watch it? 100%.

BODY COUNT: 3 humans (Brad, Gary, Roy); 1 wendigo (our first corporeal monster - also like I’m curious about who the wendigo was before it changed, like how long has it been in the wilderness, how did it wind up at Blackwater Ridge, how it wound up this far west)

RATING: 7.5/10 - yep, I’ll say it. I think this episode is better than the pilot. Not by much but the characters feel a little closer to who they become throughout season one and I feel like you get a better feel for them than we did in the pilot. Also the wendigo scares me more than Sarah Shahi in a sexy nightgown I’m just saying.

#supernatural #supernatural rewatch #dean winchester #sam winchester #watchingspn #so i don't know if anyone's going to read this #i'm literally just rambling into a google doc and then sharing it #also idk if it's better or worse having screencaps in there #i'm figuring this out #idk what i'm doing #i hope someone enjoys my rambling #season one #1x02

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gaycousinlarry · 5 years

Text

WIP list

i was tagged by supreme lovelies @homosociallyyours and @horsegirlharry 💕 i’m fairly sure i’ve already mentioned these at one point or another, but yeh. i’m about two seconds away from finished with my alien harry au, so i’ll post this to motivate myself! instead of emptying my whole wip folder i’m going to talk a bit more about three fics i am ACTUALLY going to write and have already started hah.

emo louis au. the year is 2000 and louis spends his days listening to post hardcore and working at the small record shop across town. he always thought that he was into guys who play drums in garage bands and look like cedric bixler-zavala, but apparently there is absolutely nothing he finds more enthralling than boys who are soft and loud and impossibly impossibly pretty. harry knows every top 40’s song played on the radio and wears savage garden shirts unironically, but he also has a ‘animals are friends not food’ pin and the prettiest dimples louis has ever seen so. maybe he should work up the courage to ask him out. maybe. (totally)

this fic is just going to be a short, self indulgent i wanna see louis in adidas sports jackets, thick rimmed glasses and scruffy trainers- kind of thing. also. eeeextremely nostalgic. i’ll build it up for you in the year 2000 and so on and so forth. you kiddos will learn about cd walkman’s and what emo looked like before eyeliner happened. god i’m obnoxious. anyways. it’s gon be cute.

babysitter girl direction au. louis is a 26 year old sound technician who’s in between jobs over the summer and her friend niall tells her about a friend of her counsins who needs a babysitter. harry is a 34 year old single parent who is struggling to take care of a baby, pay the bills and being able to work overtime whenever her job requires.

one night harry comes home late, baby asleep and babysitter louis lounging on the sofa. louis can tell harry is stressed out and does the only reasonable thing - pours her a glass of wine and gives her a hug. a hug that maybe turns into something more. that maybe turns into an exploration of sex and love and family life and wanting things but maybe being too scared to really make it happen. it’ll be smutty, a touch of angsty and probably endlessly fluffy because these two, jeebs.

hockey au. 18 year old harry gets drafted from the UK to NHL and in his new team he meets Louis - the promised child of hockey. both of them being young and new to the NHL they connect instantly and, of course, fall head over heels in love. despite feelings flying all over the place, there’s a silent agreement between them that hockey is the most important thing and they refuse to jeopardize anything.

thirteen years later they’re the stars of NHL, have amazing hockey careers behind them and are still breaking records. of course this also comes with a history of injuries. one game louis gets injured so badly he falls into a heap on the ice and harry sees his own life flash before his eyes. everything harry thought he knew about himself and his life is put into perspective when he realises he could actually loose louis. the thing that brought them together, but also kept them apart all those years ago, might be the thing that takes louis away from him and harry starts to question if it’s all been worth it.

okay so. this fic terrifies me because i haven’t written anything long-ish in a very long time and there’s just. so much plot to deal with. urgh. anyways. this is an angsty relationship drama that isn’t actually that focused on hockey despite it being about hockey players. just. they love each other so fucking much and the world is a tricky place to exist in.

---

i don’t know who’s been tagged before so i’m gonna chicken out on this one and just say i love seeing you all on my dash talking about your work and being so endlessly creative and smart and amazing. thank you for that.

also. if anyone wants to chat about above fics i would obviously love to! are you excited about any of them? anything you want to happen in them? smut suggestions? angsty stuff? fun stuff? thoughts? i’ll be your humble friend for eternity.

#i have a few more i want to write but these feel line they’re like #going to happen/are happening lol #fanfic #my writing

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possiblypeachy · 6 years

Text

manufactured.

--; summary: The XK-100 model was designed to be many things: charming yet brutal, elusive yet blunt, gentle yet commandeering. What she wasn't designed to be was deviant. But, being so advanced can come with a cost.

You decide what that cost is.

> part two

[determinant factors are in italics]

[warnings that apply to this chapter are in bold]

--; pairings: connor x xk-100, captain allen x xk-100

--; word count: 2.1k

--; themes: slow burn romance, angst, violence, platonic fluff, eventual smut

--; warnings: depictions of violence, death, suicide

--; note: hola mis amigos! this is the first piece of writing that i’m actually putting up here so go easy on me please and thank you! pardon any horrendous mistakes and/or terrible explanation of plot points :(

in places this story will deviate (haha deviate) from canon. this allows me to weave my lovely little xk-100 model into scenarios that can help shape her personality for future installments. also, it gives me a chance to dabble with her interacting with minor characters that don’t get enough love!

if all goes well, i’d like to make this into a kind of ‘choose your own story’ type read bc i love me a good challenge and i want to give it the true d:bh feel. it’ll take a while to fan the options out but i’m a fast worker when inspired ;)

anywho, feel free to shoot me a message to ask me questions about this or give me suggestions! i’m also open to requests for now so hit me with your best shot, kiddos.

without further ado, enjoy!

[apolgies if this looks shit on mobile/anything really. i'll clean it up later :)]

—————

The first thing she felt was something clicking to the back of her head. Streams of code filled black vision: a start-up process. Lines upon lines of binary were read at a speed that was inhuman, registering her programming and purpose. Though a crucial process, the small camera watching her saw nothing of what was going on behind those white eyelids-- not even a twitch to signal that she was functional.

Then, narrow eyes flickered open, much like a light bulb turning on after years of no use. Pale irises were revealed to the room, intricate patterns of ice and frost weaved around her pupil. They were shadowed by a line of dark lashes, removing the possibility of deducing what she was thinking by way of looking into her eyes. Yet the contrast between the light and dark made her hold an aura of allure. Even he, someone who had prepared for her to look like this, was momentarily hypnotised. Nevertheless, a pang of discomfort was felt when his gaze finally fell to her static form. She appeared detached from the world -- cold. She would be perfect for her job.

From his seat, her overseer leant down to a microphone. “Can you hear me?” A male voice reached her sensors and the LED on the side of her head sprang to life, glowing a calming blue. Tentative eyes watched her through the camera. His heart rate increased when her LED began circling-- processing. This was make or break. They'd tried to make models like her far too many times before but failed; she hadn't looked intimidating enough, she couldn't make sense of her own complexity, her thirium pump hadn't been wholly compatible. God, he'd seen so many of her previous attempts shutdown before they were even able to speak.

Anxiety. Worry. Tension. “Yes. I can hear you.” All those emotions dissolved-- cascaded from his conscience like the most beautiful waterfall he could ever witness-- and he leant back in his chair, instead filled with relief. A sigh that could've praised God itself left him before he moved to look at the live feed of her again. She was completely unmoving-- no blinking, no twitching of her eyes, no breathing. Instead, she was waiting.

“What's your serial number and model name?” The worry rose in him again as his sight glanced to the tablet before him, filled to the brim with information on her. All his team's plans for her, her I.D. and registration codes, who she was going to be given to, her abilities, her materials-- all of it-- stored on one tablet. Everything had to be checked. She had to confirm that all of her components were functional. If she said one wrong thing, she would be deconstructed and analysed.

The android's voice was smooth and unwavering-- unaware of the pressure placed upon her. Perhaps one could describe it as scheming. Hearing it laid a blanket of unsettling calm across those around yet it was beguiling-- mysterious. “#572 236 091 – 31. My model name is XK-100.” Her expression still showed nothing. Good.

The robotic arms whirred around her and created gentle streams of wind as they welded white plastic parts together, ensuring that her body was sturdy; she needed to be as durable as possible. Two of them spun on their pivots to receive an arm-- already constructed and able to move when tugged in a certain direction and therefore, hopefully, functional. Rather than screwing it into place, it clicked as though it was a dislocated bone being fixed. When the arms let go of it, it hung at her side-- lifeless.

He wasn't lifeless, however. Oh, quite the contrary. Having been working on this project for near to seven years now, he felt like a little clap and chuckle wouldn't be deemed all too unprofessional. They'd been planning an android like this for almost a decade: an android who was capable of taking down an entire riot single-handedly if the need arose. Her team had programmed tiny aspects of her day in, day out. Many sleepless nights were spent animating her custom expressions, blueprinting the structure and materials of her frame, weaving code into her artificial mind. By admittance of the former CEO of CyberLife himself, she was perhaps the most intelligent android they had yet made-- and that was Kamski's words from years before. Now, if she didn't possess that whirling LED on her temple and her posture wasn't so stiff, people could peg her as more life-like than some humans.

He spoke again. She picked up on the thrilled waver to his voice and committed it to her short-term memory stores. “Move your head.” As asked, her head craned from one side to another-- eyes yet to follow the direction of movement naturally. Then, she stopped rather suddenly back at the centre. The camera swerved to the front of her and lifted itself to her eye level. “Now, move your eyes.” Her eyelids jolted into motion and she blinked erratically-- even her brows furrowed. He felt as though he was intently watching her trying to remove something from the surface of her eyeball; it was uncomfortable, yes, but inevitably natural. Then, her sight began to sweep across the sterile room, recognising the area as Manufacturing Room 2462-B in the CyberLife Tower. Blinking was rhythmic yet not too unnatural. She was beginning to appear more human. Uncomfortably so.

The team working on her understood that she would be some of CyberLife's best work but, from what he could gather, they hadn't expected her to look so... alive. At least, he didn't.

“Good. Now, tell me your introductory text.”

“Hello. I am a first generation XK-100 android. I am designed to assist Special Weapons and Tactics units in high-risk cases. Alongside being much more durable than humans, I am able to process and successfully predict reasonable outcomes for scenarios-- if given enough verbal or physical queues. I am familiar with S.W.A.T training programs and have an accuracy rating of 96% when in optimal conditions.”

Cases of deviancy had been on the rise and more and more police cases were being taken over by S.W.A.T units. Their only downfall was that they were a mainly human organisation, thus making it more and more difficult for them to track ever developing deviant androids. With her on missions, their success rates would soar-- or so the team who had made her hoped.

“My battery allows me to work autonomously for 212 years and I do not require food or water to survive. Due to the nature of my programming, I am required to make frequent reports to my higher-ups on the condition of my software and, every 2 years, I must undergo a renewal of my permit to bypass the 'American Androids Act, subsection 544-7'-- which allows me to carry weapons as long as I have human supervision.” Her speech paused for a moment and her overseer watched with baited breath. Had her vocals malfunctioned? They couldn't have. She wasn't supposed to stop speaking. Fuck, fuck, fuck! They'd almost had--

“Would you like to name me?” An exhale. Thank the Lord. Perhaps she was already developing mannerisms? She was designed to integrate into a team-- to be adaptable-- and humans didn't take well to stiff androids. It would help her fit in; they'd aspired for her to be like this yet she seemed to be learning quickly-- faster than they'd suspected.

Her other arm clicked itself into place before he spoke and pale skin began to bleed across her plastic body, coating her in practically human layers of pores and tones. Black hair sprouted from her scalp and flopped down into its default style: short, gently waved, and middle-parted-- convenient for her designated career yet not unfamiliar or strange to humans. She began to exude a strange type of stern attractiveness-- every colour that she possessed merging together to create an amalgamation of, what he could only say was, foreign beauty.

“Yes. Your name will be set to...” His eyes flickered down to the tablet before him, “Kassandra.”

Unnervingly, her icy eyes stared straight into the camera. It was as though she was maintaining eye contact with him. Then, her lips twitched somewhat before forming an ever-so-slightly lopsided smile. The smile was charming but seeing it painted across the features of a half-built android was concerning to him. It didn't put him at ease. Rather, his expression tightened. But he couldn't look away from her, seemingly caught in the frost that built in her irises.

“My name is Kassandra. I am pleased to meet you.”

He shivered. All his previous excitement appeared to have dissipated and nothing came through the speakers installed in the ceiling for a few moments. The camera was stationary, positioned before her. He almost felt a degree of sympathy for her; she-- Kassandra-- looked, sounded so... real. Out on the field, she would develop her own habits, her own ticks, her own sense of humour-- just like a human. Yet, her only goal was to detain people-- to kill, on occasion-- and he knew that would never change, no matter how alive she appeared. They programmed her to be like this. He programmed her to be like--

One of her legs were put into place, the socket being filled with an echoing 'clunk!' noise. Said sound made the overseer cough and return to his own mission, watching skin spread over her newly installed limb. She was simply an android. The morality of it all didn't need to come into the equation. “Can you move your arms?”

As Kassandra mindlessly followed his requests, new limbs being added and her programming being tested, he couldn't help notice her becoming smarter even here. Her gaze conveyed emotion-- enquiry, determination, amusement. She had begun to tap her fingers together while waiting for her next instructions. The LED on the side of her head would circle and flicker to yellow more often-- as though she took things into more consideration than the average android.

Finally, she stepped off of the podium. Bare feet padded across the sterile floor of the manufacturing room and paused to allow their owner to briefly scan the room. Now, she had full access to her files, his files, CyberLife's files-- everything. Her LED circled yellow once then returned to blue. She looked back to the camera. “What should I do now, Stephen?”

Stephen-- his name. God, she was analysing him and he wasn't even there. Kassandra likely knew where he was in the building, his age, his annual salary, the millions of possible things that he could do within the next few seconds.

Possibility #762: he turned his microphone back on and cleared his throat to hide his rising stress level. “The conveyor belt to your right will transport you to a specially designed loading bay. A small team of S.W.A.T members will pick you up and take you to your base of operation. You should be working under an... 'Allen'-- 'Captain Allen', so report to him as soon as you arrive.” There was a pause. The half-blue half-yellow LED on her temple was accompanied by a mildly confused expression. “Good luck out there, Kass. I'm glad you're finally functional.”

“I, too, am glad that I am able to move, unlike my predecessors.” Kassandra gave the smallest nod to the camera before leading herself to the conveyor belt. Behind the lenses of the camera, Stephen laughed-- the kind of tired laugh that came through your nose. For him, it was kind of like watching his really unsettling child go off to university, despite the fact that she'd only been operative for two hours at most. Maybe it was because he was one of the few constants in the team as they planned her out. Perhaps she'd already enraptured him with her strange, otherworldly charm. Either way, a sense of bittersweetness resided in his heart as he watched her pick her way into the outside world.

Kassandra took a mindless step onto the belt and it began to whir. “Goodbye, Stephen.” Click, click, click. Slowly, it lurched into motion, reeling her away from the room.

SEARCHING . . . . . .

'Appropriate ways to say goodbye'

LOADING RESULTS . . . . . .

i. “I hope to see you again soon.”

ii. “Have a nice day.”

iii. “Say 'Hi' to your kids for me!”

iiii. “I'll miss you.”

Then, she disappeared from sight-- shipped off like trained-to-kill merchandise to that... Captain Allen guy. Stephen continued to stare at the camera for a small while, absently bringing his flask of coffee up to his lips and taking a long sip.

His lips pursed.

“I'll miss you too, Kass.”

#detroit become human #dbh #detroit: bh #dbh x oc #dbh connor x oc #connor x oc #dbh captain allen x oc #captain allen x oc #dbh fanfic #dbh writing #writing #rk800 x oc #dbh imagine #xk-100 #fanfic #dbh connor x reader #dbh captain allen x reader #captain allen x reader #connor x reader

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cloudboyshirakumo · 2 years

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Okay, #13, 16, 49, 58, 74, 77, 133, 145 & 152?

Oh so this also answers another ask I got

My favorite number is 13!

13: Favourite color

My favorite color is probably dark forest green or lilac both are super good for different reasons.

16: Favourite place

Oh this is really really hard. Hmm I would say my hometown or the area outside of it where I grew up. Maybe I'm just super sentimental because I haven't been able to be in that area for some extended time (like more than a few hours) in years because I have a full time job and went to college until this year but it's super soothing to be home. Like there aren't a lot of people and the wildlife + nature is like gorgeous. Idk I've been to a lot of states in the USA and travels to Iceland, Germany, Switzerland, and Prague. So I've been a lot of places (not bragging) but something abt being home makes me like really warm and happy. Also I'm going home tomorrow for the second time this year so maybe that plays a part to bc im super super excited lmao.

49: Am I excited for anything?

Yes!! So like I mentioned above going home because it's super soothing and peaceful and just mmm makes me so happy. But also my job like I can't really talk about it but the person I'm currently helping is really sweet and I think we're gonna be able to help her a lot which I'm excited to see her get away from her dad because this kiddo deserves to be happy. Sorry that's a little ramble but also I have to be really vague.

58: What’s my strangest talent?

Oh man i honestly don't know! I'm kinda average but I can lick my own nose. I know that's another question in the asks but it's the best I've got!

74: Favourite animal?

Opossum!! I love them so much!! Like I have stopped in the middle of the night to help them cross the road here in KY

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Hmmmmm. Currently I would say My Type by Saint Motel or Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world by Will Wood. The second song is darker but it makes me happy in a weird sense

133: Broken a mirror?

Yes!!!! The mirror I have in my bedroom I actually broke two years ago and I love the superstition around broken mirrors so I plan to keep it for 7 years if possible. The glass isn't super broke it honestly just has a crack but nothing has chipped off. It also offers good edgy photos when I need them lmao

145: Am I afraid of heights?

Yes sorta. Like I live in literal mountains and we used to go to this overlook that's really high up and I would get so nervous lmao. Ive actually only ever looked over the edge once and I wasn't even close to the railing. Like I literally step foot on the platform. Looked a lil bit and said yeah I'm good. But I love roller coasters and then parks so that's why I say sorta because those give me a nice adrenaline rush. Like my favorite rides are the drop towers.

152: What do I like about myself

I love my laugh!! And I love my aesthetic so hair and tattoos/piercings and I love when my nails are done which again since ive been short on money hasn't happened in a while but I still love the way I look with them

#personal #asks #I'm a lil drunk (oops) so sorry if these don't make perfect sense I'm gonna blame my dyslexia for that

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toomanysurveys9 · 6 years

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How much time do you spend putting on makeup daily?: usually i don’t spend any time on makeup. on the rare occasion i wear it, maybe 5-10 minutes.. i don’t wear much...

Do you own a webcam?: there is a built in webcam on my computer.

What is your favorite perfume, fragrance, cologne?: i like the blackheart perfume from hot topic..

What does your favorite jacket look like?: i don’t have a favorite jacket.

Have you ever been to Savannah, Georgia?: i don’t think so.

On average, about how many notecards do you think you use per month?: none.

Did you watch Barney when you were younger?: yeah. i used to be obsessed with him.

Do you have a drink sitting nearby that is yours?: my water bottle. that has water in it.

How many bracelets do you wear on average?: usually none.

How many lightbulbs are currently on in your room?: none.

Have you ever heard of a band called The Afters?: i think i’ve heard of them. i don’t know if i’ve heard any of their music though.

Do you play any instruments?: not well enough to answer yes.

Have you ever worn faux eyelashes?: i have not.

What is the shortest that you’ve ever cut your hair?: a little bit past my chin.

What is your favorite flag from any country?: i don’t really have a favorite..

What type of cell phone service do you have?: xfinity. they use verizon towers.

Is it true that ginger ale can help cure a stomach ache?: i don’t know that it really cures it but it can help i feel like.

How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned?: none. i have never needed them.

What color is your flash-drive?: black and red.

Do you own any of those thick rubber bracelets? not anymore. i used to.

Have you ever built a sand castle?: oh yeah. many, many times.

When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, etc)?: lyrics and rhythm mostly.

Do you own more than 20 guitar picks?: i do not.

Have you ever worn a bandanna?: when i was a lot younger. What is the color of your toothbrush?: mostly pink.

Do you wish you owned a ray gun?: can’t say i ever thought about owning one of those.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup?: natural colors for eye shadow... and then black for eyeliner and mascara.

Do you own a pair of white converse?: i do not.

Are pink erasers really all that great?: i never really cared about erasers or their colors..

Have you ever worn a thumb ring?: i have not.

Is Katy Perry overrated?: i mean, i’m not really a fan, but i don’t know if she’s overrated.

Have you ever tried a Root Beer barrel?: i have not.

Do you agree with the phrase, “Hugs! Not drugs!”?: i mean... whatever.

What is the longest pair of earrings you own?: i don’t think i even own any earrings.

What brand of TV do you own?: i’m not sure what jacob’s tv is. i don’t actually own one myself.

Do you like My Chemical Romance’s album, Danger Days?: i don’t have that one, so i don’t know.

What is the color of your bedroom walls?: uh. tan-ish with a green accent wall thing.

How often do you use sharpies?: like, once every few months or something?

Why is there always a light in the fridge but not the freezer?: i don’t know.

Do you have a subscription to Alternative Press?: i do not.

Are high school football games fun?: i only went to a couple. they’re not my most favorite thing in the world. never have been.

Do you think Kanye West is a dick?: i guess he can be. but i don’t know. i don’t pay that much attention to him.

Do you own a dog?: we have two dogs. although we are probably going to have to find cocoa a new home because she keeps starting fights with phe and the last thing we need is to take another dog to the emergency vet.

At what size do ear gauges become gross?: when they super stretch out someone’s ear lobes.

How many concert posters do you own?: none.

You walk into Starbucks. What do you want to order?: small caramel frappuccino. i rarely order anything from starbucks though. it’s so expensive.

What type of car are you in most?: my parents’ toyota.

Is there a cork board in your bedroom?: nope.

Are you currently using a laptop?: i am.

Do you obsess over the Super Bowl on a yearly basis?: i do not. i’m not all that into football, or any sports.

What color is the shirt you are currently wearing?: mostly dark gray.

If you wear a necklace, do you keep it on for over a month?: i don’t really wear necklaces much.. but i don’t usually wear them that long without taking them off.

What is your favorite type of flower?: lilacs. but i love any pretty colored flowers. :)

How old will you be in 15 months? twenty-six.

Who was the last person who texted you? jacob. he just now told me he wants clothes washed before he gets home so he has shorts to play basketball and whatever else...

What is your current status? like, relationship status? i’m married.

What are you listening to? the kiddos playing and ashley is watching law and order: svu.

What are your plans for tomorrow? not a thing besides paying bills.

Who is the last person you had a face to face conversation with? i told lilli not to plug in the vacuum (wyatt is playing with it - all the toys and he wants the things that aren’t toys lol).

Do you believe in love at first sight? something like that. i’m a mom. i loved my babies before i actually saw them. but i don’t believe in romantic love at first sight.

Was yesterday better than today? not really. but it wasn’t really bad either.

What did your last text message say? i was just telling jacob that his clothes should be done right around six, which is when he gets off, and that i loved him.

Do you prefer to call or text? text. calls kind of freak me out.

What’s the nearest green object to you? there is some green on some of the toys not too far from me.

What were you doing at 12 am last night? i think i was sleeping by then?

When is the last time you saw your mom? a few hours ago.

Have you kissed someone in the last 2 weeks? i have.

How many houses have you lived in? at least nine, but it’s actually been a few more than that even (including trailers and apartments)...

What are you doing for your next birthday? i have no idea and it’s only a little over a week away.

What is your favorite color? blue, black, and gray.

What are you thinking about right now? that lilli is being especially frustrating today.

Any plans for this weekend? saturday i might be meeting two cousins - my grandpa finally found his twins that he has been searching for for years. unfortunately, terry passed away a few months before grandpa found them... jerry is still living. but we are probably meeting terry’s kids this weekend. either tomorrow or saturday. and saturday kayla’s parents rented a cabin for her for her birthday, so she invited jacob, wy, and me to go hangout with her there which we said we would do. jacob and kayla have plans of getting trashed. so i’m not sure what wy and i will be doing. but brittany and john will also be there, and brittany is also pregnant, so i won’t be the only sober one at least. i might drive wy and myself home when things start getting too crazy.

Do you have anything bothering you? not really at the moment.

Do you smile often? i smile a lot more now that wyatt is around. he’s the light of my life.

When was the last time you cried? i don’t remember.

Have you ever had a life threatening injury? not injury, no. i’ve had illnesses/health things that almost killed me though.

Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? nope.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? yeah. but it’s been a long time, thank goodness. being up that long straight isn’t my favorite. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? nope. i sleep with wy and jacob. i’m kind of excited for our room to get finished so i can start transferring wy to his own bed, and then his own room, before ellie is born. How often do you remember your dreams? pretty often, which kind of sucks sometimes. because they get weird, and sometimes just plain bad.

What is the main ring tone on your phone? just some preset ring tone.

What is something that you do too much? procrastinate.

Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth? yeah. i do.

Are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others? i mean. i don’t read for other people, but i will read with people around. but nothing comes to mind that i wouldn’t do ever around people. What’s one bad or inconvenient habit you used to have but no longer do? i haven’t self-harmed in a very long time. the urge still arises though. sometimes it’s strong. but i don’t because my babies. Do you find it difficult to kick a habit or a routine that’s detrimental? yeah. kind of. When was the last time you had a particularly hectic day? when we closed on our house on june 28th.

How often is your schedule busier than you would like for it to be? rarely. we rarely have anywhere to go or anyone to come over. Is there anyone in your life who expects a lot out of you? i mean, jacob kind of does. he expects me to do EVERYTHING besides actually get a job outside the home, and that will probably be added to the list after ellie is born. but i already work myself to complete exhaustion... he goes to work and then goes out with friends or comes home and plays video games. if he sees wy needs anything, i’m told. plus i have to make sure he (jacob) is fed, has work clothes, pack his lunch, etc. and eliana isn’t even here yet.. Are you more inclined to listen to your own intuition and/or desires, or to be persuaded by the suggestions and coercion of others? eh. i guess my own intuition. i’m not really around people for the suggestions and stuff. Where’s one place you’ve spent a lot of time lately? home. which isn’t all bad because i love our house. just gets a little lonely i suppose sometimes. Is there anywhere you wish you could spend more time? not really. What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do? try to get wy to play. lol. Are there any choices that make you particularly indecisive? where to get food. or what to make for dinner. lol. When was the last time you felt you were in an impossible situation where, despite what you did, you couldn’t win? when we thought we weren’t going to be able to get this house. What’s something weird that you do when you’re alone? i don’t know that i do anything weird, besides these. and i’m technically not alone when i do them... people are around. How did you find out about your current favorite band? i don’t know that i really have a favorite these days. Where are you most likely to go when you need clothing? walmart. close and inexpensive. Is anything significant weighing on your mood right now? not really, no. When was the last time you tried to do something yet failed? i don’t know. Does failure bother you much, or do you just try again? it bothers me. so very much. i want to do well in all things i do, so if i fail or feel as though i didn’t do good enough, it really messes with my head.. Do you think your life is comprised more of success or failure? more success than failure, i think. What does success mean to you personally? when you work hard to accomplish something, and do that thing satisfactorily i guess, if that makes sense. Does your definition differ from the general consensus? i don’t know. maybe. What’s one personality trait you clearly exemplify? shyness. What’s one personality trait that’s not strong in you? outgoing. Are you a difficult individual to get to know? i’m kind of more difficult to get to know now than i used to be i think. i’ve been used and let down so many times.. lied to.. it just doesn’t seem all that worth it i guess anymore? When was the last time you opened up to someone and about what? i don’t remember. it’s been awhile. probably jade and some of the issues i’ve been dealing with with jacob... To whom do you feel the most important? wyatt and eliana. What makes someone especially important to you? i don’t really know.. the people who are important to me are my kids, husband, rest of my family, and a couple friends. i feel like the reasons would be pretty obvious. When was the last time you changed your mind? today. i thought about walking to the store but then decided not to since wyatt was too tired. Is there something you want but might not ever have? a job that i really love.... when i’m ready/can go to work. i’m content to take care of my littles for the time being. What’s something you’re working to obtain? i don’t know.. How do you console yourself when you’re distraught? i don’t really. my coping skills are definitely lacking.

What last occurred to make you feel particularly bitter? i don’t know. i guess jacob just leaving and not even having to worry about wy..

How would you describe the most interesting cloud-shape you’ve witnessed? my favorite was one that was shaped as a dog running. Do you tend to enjoy your dreams? not so much. most are nightmares or just plain weird. What would you do if you did not require sleep? i don’t know. probably read more... maybe surveys. maybe watch movies or tv. probably definitely read. Are there any projects or goals you’ve recently abandoned? none come to mind. i haven’t really started any projects or anything. What in life serves to keep you going? my kids. How frequently, if ever, do you want to give up? pretty often. but i can’t. i have little ones that need me. What was the last good news you received? the last good news i got was that my grandma gets to come home today! she’s been in the hospital for a couple days for testing because they are afraid she had a stroke or TIA... i also found out i do not have gestational diabetes today, too, which was also very good news. What’re some of the important things around you? things... i guess that would be my phone. i’m still paying it off. and my computer. it has a lot of pictures. How long has your favorite song been your favorite? i don’t know what would be my favorite song right now. lol. During which time of day are you at your best? i guess the afternoon. i’m usually not overly tired at that point yet. Are you more inclined to appreciate sweet or savory foods? usually more savory, but there are some sweet things i crave and whatnot. When’s the next time you’ll cook a meal? i don’’t know. Do you prefer more hot or cold types of food? depends on my mood and what the food is. How about hot or cold types of beverages? usually cold.

What’s one disgusting habit you have or have had? i didn’t shower as much as i necessarily should have when i was younger just because i couldn’t get myself to care about anything. Do you tend to be harder on yourself than you need to be? oh definitely. About what are you exceptionally confident or self-assured? that i’m a good mom to my kids. and i make some awesome pancakes. lol. Who last told you to do something and did you do it? jacob told me to do his laundry, and it’s drying as we speak. What was the last situation or person you “got over?” i don’t know that i’ve gotten over anything or anyone lately... work in progress. Are you generally good at letting go of people who’re bad for you? not usually. Have you ever felt as though you were unrecognizable to yourself? pretty often, yes. What’re some things people could guess by looking at you? i’m tired. lol.

Are you bothered by any of your physical features? my weight. my overall face.

Are romantic relationships important to you at this point in your life? well, yes. not that it seems all that important to him.

Who was the last person to apologize to you for something they did? i don’t remember.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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mariamuses · 7 years

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Little Bird

Okay, so I just thought of this and just HAD TO put it into words. It’s just some cuteness overload to start the week a bit better.

I’m tagging some people that might be interested @highladyfxyre @tacmc @queen-archeron @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty

Read it on AO3

Preview: Ember, the heir to the throne of Terrasen, is so excited to see her aunt Nesryn and uncle Sartaq that she shifts for the first time ever. And she can't shift back.

Aelin

I was up in the aerie with little Emberleigh, waiting for Nesryn and Sartaq to get here for Aedion and Lysandra’s wedding.

Out of everyone in the family, the couple was Ember’s favourite, and Mannon and Dorian being in close second place. Alas, there was only one reason for it: they had animals. Nesryn had Salkhi and Sartaq had Kadara, which beat Abraxos and Manon because Dorian didn’t have a wyvern. It didn’t matter that Fenrys turned into a wolf, or Gavriel into a lion, they weren’t enough. Only Lysandra was fair game, and not even then, because she was like her second mother, so Ember didn’t really consider her an aunt.

I suppose her love for every flying thing came from her father. Damn that buzzard for not coming up here with her to greet the Emperors of Antica, because it was freezing and she wanted to steal away his warmth.

Emberleigh’s piercing scream pulled me out of my reverie. Seven years old but with the lungs of an opera singer.

“Mommy! I see them! They’re here!”

“I know sweetie, I see them too”

She started jumping up and down so fast I thought she was going to make a hole on the floor.

Suddenly, a blinding white light blinded me. It lasted less than a second, but my panic flared up and I started to pull Em into my embrace, to protect her, when I couldn’t find her. I looked around frantically, when I spotted a tiny little bird, flapping its wings against the cold air.

It was one of the prettiest birds I had ever seen and its plumage was exactly Ember’s hair color. Then it hit me.

That’s Emberleigh! She hadn’t shifted before, but I think all the contained excitement she had felt seeing the ruks had made her do it.

And now she was tumbling around.

I rushed to catch her before she could fly away and pummel from the tower.

Carefuly, I closed my hands around her little newfound body. The problem was, she started thrashing, and I was so scared that she’ll hurt her wings, so I began soothing her.

“Shhhhh, Ember, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you, shhh…”

I don’t think she cared much about those words, because she started pecking at my hands.

“Sweetie, I know you’re scared, but you need to stop moving okay?”

“Aelin, what’s wrong?” a voice said to my right. I whipped my head up and saw that Nesryn and Sartaq had already landed, and they both had a worried look on their faces.

“It’s Emberleigh. She was so excited when she spotted you coming that it made her shift for the first time ever.” I showed them my hands, and what was between them.

They looked carefully, then shared a look… and started laughing.

At the sound of their laughter, I joined in.

Again, I don’t think little Ember found it that funny, because she wasn’t pecking at my hands anymore. She was straight up biting.

“Ow, ow. Em okay, okay. We’ll stop. Do you think you can shift back or not?”

I was met with more thrashing. I could see that she was trying, but failing, to shift back, and that only made her panic even more.

“I’m taking you to daddy, okay? Just stay still, please, I don’t want you hurting your wings”

I exchanged a look with the couple beside me, who took their things and hurried downstairs after me.

Rowan

I had left Aelin and Emberleigh in the aerie so I could get some paperwork done before the wedding tomorrow.

I was almost done with it when I heard my Fireheart’s steps outside the room, along with another two sets more. They stopped by my door and then it swung open.

Aelin came rushing forward, Nesryn and Sartaq not far behind, clutching something between her hands.

“Rowan, I need your help. It’s Ember.” she rushed out.

I stoop abruptly.

“What? What happened? Where is she?”

“She’s okay, she’s here.” She proceeded then to open her hands a little bit more, enough for me to see a little bird’s beak peaking out of them.

“Em was so pumped when she saw Kadara and Salkhi that she shifted and now she can’t shift back, but I had to take her because she was going to fly off the tower…” explained Aelin.

I carefully took a step forward. Then another one. And another one until I could assess more clearly my daughter’s bird form.

Only from the little feathers I could see I already knew. She was radiant. Her color was a little bit darker than my own when I shifted, but it reminded that she was as mine as she was my mate’s. And I loved it. Pride filled my chest.

I stared at the tiny bird and said:

“Hi precious. You are going to be okay. Daddy is here with you now.”

Her beak opened and let out a strangled cry.

I looked up at Aelin.

“I’m going to cover your hands with mine. Then, you are going to open yours a little bit, and slide them off, so I can hold her.” I explained.

We did just that, and at the end, I could feel my daughter skirmishing in my hands.

I turned to Aelin and the guest and spoke.

“Could you please, leave the room? She’s scared, but also, she’s embarrased, feels weird on her new body and I need to try and get her to shift back as soon as possible so she doesn’t get spooked by this experience and tries to supress any further shifts, hurting herself.”

At that, everyone left the room.

Now I was free to speak to her as I pleased, and I planned to do just that.

I started moving towards the table.

“Hello, little birdie. You are so pretty, you know that? You’re even prettier than me when I shift. You are amazing, and talented and strong…”

She started quieting down as I praised her, not moving around as much any more. I put my hands, with her inside them, on the table.

“Okay, we’re going to do something yeah? Together. I’m going to open my hands so you can stand on the table, but with two conditions. The first one is you can’t move your wings, because you don’t know how to fly yet, so you might hurt yourself. The second one is, after I open them, I have to check your wings and legs to see if they’re alright and nothing’s wrong, okay?”

At that, she reluctantly gave a little cry, which I interpreted as permission.

I released my hands from around her body, careful not to jostle her and she hesitantly stepped out of them.

Then I proceeded to open her wings, being as delicate as I could. I checked twice, just in case, but everything seemed in order.

Then she fell on her little butt, to allow me to take a peek at her legs, not being able to lift one and stay in the other just yet.

Oh, how I was going to delight myself teaching her everything.

After the quick exam. I lowered myself to her level and instructed her.

“Kiddo, now we’re going to get you to shift back okay? But you did amazing, you’re perfect. You have to think in yourself, how you look in front of the mirror, while you are also feeling your power inside you. I know it’s hard, and is going to take a few tries, but we’re not in a rush.”

After five minutes of encouraging, she finally shifted back.

And started crying.

I gathered her in my arms and started rocking her back and forth, praising her good job. Her cries were already dying down when the door open and Aelin rushed towards us, muttering an apology and hugging her.

Right behind were our Antica’s friend, who took a look at her and said:

“Do you wanna go se Kadara and Salkhi?”

At that, the little tyke screamed “Yes!” and jumped from our arms, the bad experience already forgotten.

While they took her up to the aerie again, I circled my Fireheart and she turned around in my arms, kissing me softly, a tear running down her cheek.

“That’s our little bird Rowan. We made that.”

I wiped it away and kissed her again as I thought that things were only getting better.

#my own #rowan #aelin #ember #fireheart #oneshot #little bird

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littlemissnellie · 7 years

Photo

aaaaah, hello guys!

so...this was kind of supposed to be part of my 1 year anniversary thing but I just completely ran out of time and I've been super busy this week. so, whilst I desperately try to get some more daley screenshots together, I thought i’d set this up for you in the mean time!

as you may or may not know, I retired my Disney legacy a while back because I couldn’t keep up with 2 story-driven legacies as well as you would have deserved for me to, so I took a break from it. and although I’m still in no way ready to handle 2 story-driven legacies again *cough* @surreysimmer how do you do it????? *cough* I’ve recently been inspired by some wonderful blogs to start up a legacy that’s a little bit less story-based and is just some good old-fashioned, harmless, fun lil gameplay! hence, why this is here!

I want to keep up with my Daley legacy as much as possible and make sure that it’s as good as it possibly can be for you all story-wise, and because of that I tend to put quite a bit of pressure on myself to at least maintain its kind of mediocre standard. but with this new legacy, I don’t want that to be the case. I want to keep it fun and simple and just queue up posts for it as and when I get them and feel like it. so, I hope you don’t mind too much if there’s an occasional lull in posts; i’m probably just really busy!

I also don’t know if adding another legacy to this blog would clutter it up too much??? maybe i’ll make another side blog and post it there? I’m not sure yet, i’d love to know your opinion though; it would really help!

I didn’t quite know what exactly you’d want to see as this extra little legacy though, so I thought that I‘d create a few little sims, give them some backstories and let you decide! so, under the cut I’ll give you a few descriptions of my various sim bbies, which might help you make your decision!

thank you in advance for your support guys! vote away!

I’m a Lover Legacy - Bethany, the lil red head was born and bred in the quaint little city of Windenburg. Being raised by her grandparents, after her parents died in a car accident, by the time that Bethany walked out of Windenburg University with an English Literature degree she was rather desperate for some freedom, which they were more than happy to give to her. And so, not long after moving into her modest little house, Bethany started working towards her job as an author, joined a local book club, where she made some wonderful friends, and even found love with a beautiful, free-spirited artist called Rory. Their relationship went from strength to strength and every day they fell more and more in love with each other. A rose was there to greet Rory at every date that she went on, so, as her and Bethany’s birthdays were drawing closer, she has a certain little present that she’d like to give back to her... (I’ve been playing their save a little bit already, so their story’s already pretty established, which is why their explanation is so damn long lmao).

A Townie Legacy - okay, so this description is probably going to be tiny in comparison, but that’s because it‘s not really established yet. I've sort of become a little bit obsessed with doing ea townie makeovers, and would love to use them for something. I thought that, because we all know and love or hate ea’s townies, making them my own and then starting up a save to actually play with them and see how they develop might be a fun little idea. with this option i’d obviously post all my townie makeovers (which I plan to do anyway v soon but sshhhhh, you didn't hear it from me) first and then get you to pick which family you’d like me to play with most afterwards. hopefully that makes a little bit of sense! for now though, I thought i’d use bob and eliza as the spokes people!

The Disney Legacy - so...these guys aren’t really very new around here, but if I was going to even think about adding a new legacy, these guys just had to be included! I know that the last time I was posting with them, their storylines were starting to develop themselves quite nicely, but this time, if they win and I pick up where I left off, the posts for them would be a little more simple and light-hearted. basically, just less story-based. I promise i’d still do my best to keep them like the characters I created for them though, it just wouldn’t be as thorough, I guess. if you didn’t see them last time I was posting with them, they currently have 5 little kiddos: the first set of twins Ethan (a nerdy, shy little bean), and Nathan (a very energetic, slightly rebellious little bean), Blake (an uber cool, independent little tot already), and then the second set of twins Isaac (a very curious, crazy little thing) and Jennifer (the one and only little girl who has already deemed herself queen of the household). so their little family could very well be making a comeback if you so wish!

Differences in the Family Tree Legacy - my little girl Leah over here didn’t want anything more in life than to follow in her parents’ footsteps and start up a little farm of her own. so when her mum and dad surprised her with her own plot of land and a tiny little cottage to go along with it, she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. and with her high school boyfriend Archie supporting her decision 100%, she couldn’t refuse! so off to Brindleton Bay she went, with the earth at her feet, the sunshine on her face and the joyous prospect of a life of her own in her heart. the life she’d always dreamed about was just starting, and she couldn’t be more excited...

The Shameless Legacy - Eloise has always loved animals, but with her mother’s severe allergies and her father‘s strict rules, having a pet of her own had never been a possibility. now that she was old enough to move out and start a life of her own though, there was nothing more that she wanted than to acquire a little companion of her own. the only thing left for her to do after that was to achieve her other life goal: to help all the other animals she couldn’t adopt as her own. and if she couldn’t manage to secure a job in any of the other clinics in the area, thanks to Brindleton Bay’s apparent lack of job openings, maybe she’d just have to start up her own...

The Gem Stone Legacy - Safiya Gem was always destined to make her parents proud, at least that’s what they believed. but the second that her wild, rebellious teen heart-throb of a boyfriend stepped into their house that dream crumbled before their very eyes. their precious, gifted, honest daughter was being led astray with every second that she spent in his company. her gorgeous chocolate locks were soon dyed to a shocking, electric blue. her face became clad with makeup. a tattoo soon adorned her skin. and at the first opportunity available, she was willing to drop everything to follow him to san myshuno and carry out life in a cramped little apartment in the heart of a not-so-pleasant neighbourhood. even though safiya was as happy as could be, head-over-heels in love as some may say, would this all end as perfectly as she thought?

Pethood Legacy - Julian had his whole life set out for him by his parents. he had a job lined up at the local newspaper ready and waiting, he had a lovely family friend to soon make his wife and he had a wonderful house to inherit when the time came. but Julian wanted no part in it whatsoever. and after revealing to his parents that writing articles was the last things he wanted to be doing, that he’d rather live in a cardboard box for the rest of his life than inherit that house and would only ever consider marrying this girl if she...became a man, then they wanted no part in his life whatsoever. they cut all ties with him, leaving him with nothing but the clothes that he was wearing and the tent he bought with the spare cash he had with him. it was an upgrade from the cardboard box he’d proposed, but was still a rather huge leap from how he’d been living up until that point. but he was free. he was himself, and unapologetically so. and if his family wanted no part in his life if he was to live this way, then he would find some people that did. or rather, something...

#legacy poll #sims 4 #sims 4 legacy #ts4 #ts4 legacy #ts4 legacy poll #i'm a lover legacy #ea townie legacy #Disney legacy #differences in the family tree legacy #shameless legacy #gem stone legacy #pethood legacy #littlemissnellie

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bnhascenariosheadcannonsimagines · 7 years

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Awww! Ill be sure to buy you a coffee or two when I get my paycheck tomorrow

Admin Speaks: I’ve sorta kept it quiet but I do have a ko-fi account! Tell me if the link in my sidebar works… I just kinda put it there and hoped! But if you do have the time to go over there and buy me a coffee it would be greatly appreciated! I’m starting college in two weeks and want to avoid having to get a job so I have more time for this.

Oh! And I’m going to skip the tunnel of love because I don’t really have any ships besides Jirou and Momo…. So I can avoid a shipping war and conflict 😅

County Fair!! Yeehaw

All Might/Toshinori

Since he was the Symbol of Peace there is a lot of mercy with his face on it, and he’s a little unnerved by it. It sorta freaks him out, but it is flattering that people love him so much. But seriously, who would let their kid wear a mask of his face??

Isn’t into rides so he’ll stroll around with Aizawa and look at exhibits to pass some time. If people recognize him as All Might he’ll smile and then they’ll let him go about this day. Not many people want a picture with him when he isn’t beefed up

Erasurehead/Aizawa Shouta

This poor man just wants to go home. But does he really care? No. He’ll fall asleep somewhere and people will think he’s an attraction, “The Man Who Can Sleep Through Anything”

If he is awake then he’ll just walk around the exhibits and waste time, it’s not his favorite place to be, but he isn’t going to protest and not go

Present Mic/Hizashi Yamada

Is usually at the karaoke part where everyone is singing. Usually Aizawa has to tell him to tone it down because his quirk makes him the loudest by a long shot… But even when he isn’t singing along hella loudly he’s dragging Aizawa to try all the weird deep fried things at the carnival

Super bad at carnival games. Doesn’t matter what it is, tossing a ring, throwing a ball, slamming a hammer down, bad. Bad at all of them. Most people call him a hazard now and he’s banned from most of the carnival games… But he still has a kickass time!!

Yuga Aoyama

Will spend most of his time in the House of Mirrors because there are so many of him! And who could possibly not be loving this, more of his beauty to look at for everyone!

Things fair food is too greasy and will ruin his complexion but if offered he will totally dig into s funnel cake….Just don’t tell anyone. And how did he manage to not get any mess anywhere?! Funnel cake is messy for everyone!

Mina Ashido

Isn’t very good at any of the games but will play them with others to see who can do better! She’s there to have a good time and no one is going to stop her! She’ll pet all the animals in the petting zoo, she’ll look at every tasty treat, and ride every ride!

Really loves the rides that spin, any ride that spins is her favorite. She likes getting off of them and stumbling around for a minute while laughing with her friends, it makes the fair all the more fun

Tsuyu Asui

Loves the giant ice cream cones that the fair has because her tongue is long enough to eat nearly the whole thing in a single lick. But usually ice cream in gone in a second so the obnoxious amount they give you at the fair is actually kinda refreshing for her

Won’t play the games on her own but if someone wants to play one with her she won’t object and have fun. She would probably spend most of her time with Uraraka and doing things she wanted to do because Uraraka is way more excited about it all

Tenya Iida

Super stressed about everyone going off on their own and insists everyone has a buddy. Will be on high alert for any one doing anything stupid so he can rush over waving his hands and telling them that they are representing UA and should act on their best behavior!

Once Izuku and Uraraka get him to calm down he will try all the food they insist on trying and will try his hand all some games if they want him to try. He doesn’t really know how to chill so the other two have to drag him around to have fun. And he does! Eventually he’ll get on the Ferris wheel with the other two and they’ll end the night looking over all the pretty lights

Ochaco Uraraka

She’s there to have a good time! She didn’t get to go to a whole lot of these when she was younger so she’s making up for lost time! Dragging Iida and Izuku around to each of the food stall to try everything and take a lot of pictures!

She is all for the crazy rides! She wants the full carnival experience people! So she’ll make the boys go on the spinning dragons and the not super safe roller coasters… But she’s having fun so no one is going to stop her!

Mashirao Ojiro

He is more concerned about people bumping into his tail than anything else! But once this poor child gets over it be’s all about the exhibits. They aren’t super exciting but he likes looking at all of the things that people have made and put their time into. It keeps him motivated to keep bettering himself

He doesn’t like a whole tone of the greasy foods and isn’t too interested in the rides or games, but he likes hanging out with everybody and it makes him happy that everyone can hang out and act like normal kids every now and then

Denki Kaminari

All for everything! He is there to have a good time and try everything! He’ll eat all the food, try all the games and lose every time. But he’ll have a good time! He’ll bounce between friend groups and who he hangs out with because he wants to make sure everyone else is also having as much fun as he is

Will get a giant ice cream cone and have to share some it with someone because he’s already eaten so much fried foods that he might burst. Will probably give the rest to Sato because he can pack away sugar like nobodies business!

Ejiro Kirishima

He always has a good time! But now it’s have a good time AND get to run around a fair! He is on every ride, biting into every food, and trying to play every game. The only game he is actually good at is where you throw the dart to pop the balloon. No one believed him until he won the biggest prize from that game and beamed brightly at everyone, “Told you I was the best!”

Could eat fried food all day! He’s going to try it all but he gets into an eating contest with Bakugou to see who can eat the hottest pepper and not cry or break into a sweat…. He hardcore lost that game, better luck next time Kiri

Koji Kouda

He is quiet and shy so usually you’ll find him in the petting zoo cuddled with a bunch of ducklings and whatever other baby animals are there, people sometimes mistake him of a fair worker and ask him questions about the animals and he gets very flustered

He isn’t very good at carnival games and is not one for rides so he’ll just wander around the food stalls with Sato usually and take a bite of a couple things here and there. He doesn’t have a super sugar sweet tooth like Sato so he usually just carries around the things Sato buys when his hands get too full

Rikido Sato

If he’s at a carnival you better believe he’s at the game where you slam the hammer down and ring the bell. He likes to flex and show off a little sometimes and that’s when he can because he wins that game easily

Food stalls are where you’ll usually find him though. He likes trying all of the weird festival food and bringing back many sweets to have in his dorm, there are just so many and so little time! So for weeks on end after the festival if anyone is craving cotton candy they know just where to go!

Mezo Shouji

Pro at the game where you throw the ball and knock down the bottles. Wins literally every time he plays. But he’ll only ever play if someone asks him to help them win something. He doesn’t need the prize, so if it’s up to him he’ll leave it for somebody else to win

Carnival food is a hit or miss for him. It’s either really good or sorta bland. If he has the option to stay in his dorm instead of going he would rather stay in his dorm. But if everyone wants to go he won’t complain and have a good time

Kyoka Jiro

Is at the karaoke tent with Present Mic, just not singing nearly as loud. She jams there for the majority of the night until she meets up with Momo to have a good time at the carnival games! She isn’t super good at any of the games, but Momo is a beast! How did she even learn to play all of these games?!

She’ll try a few carnival foods but nothing too greasy. She isn’t a super fan of any of the super greasy foods because it’ll make it harder to sing correctly. Or so her dad has told her, he might have just been trying to keep all the greasy food to himself all those years…

Hanata Sero

He likes the rides and the exhibits but that food is something he will NOT be putting in his body! He likes his healthy food and the grease from the food makes his tape less sticky! So keep it away from him!

Likes to pretend he’s really good at carnival games but anyone who has watched him try them knows he is awful! There is no explanation as to HOW he is so awful but he is, keep him away from the dart throwing game!

Fumikage Tokoyami

Is not too fond of how many people are present, but the lights from the festival keep Dark Shadow well behaved for the most part…. Until the candied apple stall appears and he’s over there in a second!

Likes the Ferris wheel because its quiet and he isn’t overwhelmed with people. He also likes to be in high places and see all of the lights spread out below him. It’s peaceful, and that’s what he likes the most

Shoto Todoroki

Never got to go to festivals as a child so this is all new to him. He thinks all the food stalls are sort of funny, why would they all line up together instead of spreading out throughout the festival? But stops overthinking things when Izuku, Uraraka, and Iida come up to him and ask if he wants to spend time with them.

He’ll indulge in a couple festival foods, he loves food. But only go on a couple of rides. He likes the Ferris wheel, everything looks really pretty from so high in the air. And it’s actually kinda quiet up there, a perfect place for a nap….

Toru Hagakure

Runs around with Mina and has a great time! She used to come to these festivals all the time as a child and when she was in middle school! So getting to go again is really fun, especially since it’s with her friends!

Can eat for days! She gets all of the fried foods, downs an entire ice cream and continues to slurp up slushes until it’s time to leave! She doesn’t even throw up when she goes on skinny rides! No one knows how the heck she does it!

Katsuki Bakugou

Thinks it stupid to go to a carnival, yells about it nearly all day, but actually has fun when he gets there. Not that he’ll ever tell anyone that. But he WILL tell everyone that he beat Kirishima in a spicy food contest. Sorry Kiri, you’ll never live that one down

Goes on all the scary rides to prove to everyone he is a badass. Then later thinks that probably wasn’t super smart but oh fucking well! Then he’ll head to the food stalls. He isn’t a super fan of all the greasy food because he likes to make food himself. But he isn’t going to pass up the chance to beat the shit out of anyone who challenges him to an eating contest!

Izuku Midoriya

WILL BUY ALL OF THE ALL MIGHT MERCH!! Do not test him! He needs to expand his collection and this is the perfect time to do it, give him all the festival exclusives! But his fanboying will be cut short by Uraraka saying she wants to go ride rides, and he won’t complain, he likes spending time with her and likes the rides…. Sorta…..Okay he’s a big chicken! But he’ll go on things if others ask him to… He’ll just be really quiet in line and scream during the ride!

Festival food is one of his favorite things because he can’t have it year round, it is only at festivals! So he’ll get some snacks and get some to save for later to share with everybody

Minoru Mineta

Spends most of his time trying to pick up on girls but eventually gets punted across the festival when he tries to look up some girls skirt

Is NOT good at festival games because half of the time he can’t even see over the counter to give the person his money and that doesn’t make him look super attractive so he gives up and eventually goes home

Momo Yaoyorozu

As stated before, a literal BEAST at carnival games! Every single one of them! When asked how she got so good she’ll go into the scientific explanation and everyone just kinda blanks and waits for her to finish until they ask her to play another one and win again!

The fun house is one of the easiest things to her. There has to be a set way to get through it all so she just thinks about it logically unlike many of her classmates that end up running into walls. Everyone is sorta confused if she is actually having fun or not but they see her smiling as she figures out the tricks to the fun house and they know she’s having a good time

Histoshi Shinso

Carnivals aren’t his favorite because they’re too bright and loud. So he’ll most likely end up wit Tokoyami at the Ferris wheel because people will leave them alone if they can’t reach them

Won’t go out of his way to play any games but the one where you throw the ring to land on the bottles always gets him. He wants to be good at it, he just isn’t/ He can’t control inanimate objects, they don’t talk!

Mei Hatsume

She is all over the rides, asking the people running them what all the buttons do, exactly how many bolts are in each ride, can she see how the constructed it, is there a manual she could look at, all sorts of questions for each and every ride worker

Just wants to know how everything runs so smoothly and how things work, isn’t there for anything else.

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