#nothing but pain <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[jayvolans]

DUD i am 50/50 at 79 pity on alhaitham's banner right now and im am nervous rn. i always lose my pity well accept from kokomi's banner but thats all. so i dont want to get my hopes up ;; but its al haitham ;; 😭😭😭

YOU MUST HAVW HIM IM MANIFESTING IT im literally in love w him

also tell me why I just realized that I have to pull TWO five stars on the weapon banner to get the charted weapon LMAO don’t be fooled im actually crying rn So now I have Xiao’s pole arm and the SKYWARD CATALYST WTF IS THAT😭😭😭😭😭

[hinamie]

I don't want to regret the way I lived

[idliketobeatree]

i'm living the dream, in the dream, i'm buried alive two bed grave, one bath, car in the drive mirrored covered windows block the light feeding back reflection distorts life cut connection — jesca hoop

[egophiliac]

swipes everything else off of the table to yell about diasomnia flower bookmarks

(I gave Silver one too :D)

[gothsuguru]

me overhauling my pinned links instead of writing fics and rb things in my drafts

[wispforever]

catching up

[ylissebian]

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL 👽🥀

[raepliica]

protecting each other

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Siffrin plays Disco Elysium AU: Featuring backseat gamer Loop.

[mycwows]

Wip; Aran Ryan

My s/o likes this guy, I don't see the appeal 🙄(sarcasm)

[hinamie]

i don't normally participate in these redraw challenges but it's megumi so i'll make an exception

[anyknotrants]

Alfred had died once. 

And none of the bats knew. 

It was a night like any other. Shortly after it was revealed who was hiding under the red hood. The bats were either in their own houses or on patrol. 

Alfred was alone in the manor, waiting for them to come home. He always waits for them to come home.

And he had a heart attack. On the very chair Thomas used to sit in. On the very chair he used to read stories to his grandchildren. 

And he had died.

And he met Lady Death and Lady Gotham. 

They greeted him like an old friend, and in a sense, they were, but with a sad smile on their lips. 

But no, that couldn't be right. 

Alfred couldn't die just yet.

He still needed to get Bruce to therapy and to watch him walk his kids down the aisle one day. 

He needed to be there for Richard, as the young boy still carried too much guilt and responsibility; no one of his age should.

He needed to be there for Jason when he'll finally be ready to come home.

He needed to be there for Tim. Make sure that boy didn't work himself to death.

He had to be there for Cass, help her connect to the family like she always wanted.

He needed to be there for Duke, get him fully settled into the madness that was this family.

He needed to be there for Steph, to show her that this family cared, legally theirs or not.

And oh... he needed to be there for Damian. That boy... that boy reminded him so much of his s- of Bruce. He was just a kid, and yet until recently no one treated him like one. He needed to make sure he could get at least some actual childhood.

He needed to be there. He needed to take care of the Waynes, to try to make sure they didn't die (-again) because they were being idiots. 

And he needed to finally meet his great-grandchildren.

So no, Alfred couldn't die just yet; that much he knew.

He made a deal with Lady Gotham and Lady Death then and there. 

As long as the Wayne family will need him, Alfred will be there. He is to serve them and will never know peace until his service is no longer needed.

Alfred woke up, his heart beating again, and went to put on for tea, like nothing ever happened.

[dekariosclan]

All these Gale caring posts are getting to me

What about a tav who suffers from chronic pain, and a bit depressed to not be able to do things she used to be able to do? 🥹

I would feel that with Gale experiencing chronic pain from the orb, he would especially empathize with a tav who suffers from chronic pain. How would he comfort/share his care with such a tav?

VERY specific and very self-indulgent but all your Gale care posts have been so warm and spot-on 🥹💜✨️

Regarding all the caretaking asks which have been SO delightful, I feel I must share this quote:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that all Galemancers are stans for caretaker Gale.” - Jane Austen

(OK, yes, I may be misquoting that slightly, but I’m also 109% sure Austen would’ve been a Galemancer, so it’s all good.)

OP, you could not have chosen a better, more loving, more understanding, or more empathetic caretaker for a Tav with chronic pain than Gale, ‘his-orb-might-have-been-removed-but-his-knees-are-still-aching-terribly’, Dekarios.

After all, when Gale was at his lowest and most vulnerable point, suffering constantly from the orb’s side effects, Tav was his caretaker. Tav, who sought out and gave him the magical items needed to ease his pain. Tav, who checked in on him often, asking if he was in need of anything. Tav, who never made him feel like a burden.

Tav, whose kindness and care made Gale fall in love with them.

So when I tell you that Gale intends to pay it back 1000x, I am not exaggerating.

He understands the importance of letting Tav keep their independence—especially when Tav specifically laments things they used to be able to do—while providing them with any support they need. He never crosses the line by assuming he knows what’s best for Tav; he always asks how they are feeling, and is a patient, attentive listener.

He also never frames their situation as anything bad or negative. When Tav wakes every morning, whether it’s to the relief of a manageable ache, or the dread of a harsh pain settling in, they know that in the next instant they’ll feel Gale’s hand on their cheek, his kiss on their forehead, and his soft voice asking, “Good morning, my love. What adventure are we going on today?”

Tav’s answer might be they’re feeling well enough to go exploring around Waterdeep, or it might be that they can already feel pain clouding their thoughts, exhaustion overtaking them, and they want to stay in. Gale’s loving smile never wavers. If it’s a day he’s scheduled to teach at the Academy, he’ll simply ask if Tav wants company or no? Tara is always available, or Gale’s simulacrum. Or Gale himself will stay home if Tav prefers; in that case, he will simply send his Simulacrum off to teach in his stead (the students love it when this happens, btw.)

And Gale’s mastery of magic truly helps when Tav is feeling regretful or upset. He can conjure almost any illusion, after all, and so if Tav longs to visit an environment that they know they would struggle with given their condition? He will conjure it for them (and he will tell them, most sincerely, that ‘my knees thank you, my love, for not making us partake in this journey and instead allowing an illusion to suffice.’)

The only aspect Gale struggles with is coming to terms with the fact that, for all his skills, there are some things he cannot do; and curing Tav of their pain completely is one of them. But he will do his utmost to ease their pain in any way that he can.

And if Tav finds themselves feeling upset or guilty or frustrated, as is natural once in awhile? If they try to tell Gale they are sorry, as this was not the life of exploration and freedom they had envisioned for themselves or him?

Gale will gently place his hands on their shoulders, and look them in the eye. “My love, I’ve had my fill of exploration. I have already visited every inch of Faerun while I was stuck here in my confinement. And though I was able to conjure any place, any experience I wanted, it did nothing to cure my loneliness. Because I couldn’t conjure you.”

Then he’ll take their hand in his, and place it over his heart, and smile so sincerely that Tav will know he speaks the truth.

“Having you with me, in our home, is the only adventure I will ever desire.”

[sracha]

Rosebird Week ‘24 Day 6: First & Last Kiss 🌹🥀

[pixelatedraindrops]

One thing to keep in mind about me...

If I ever have a favorite character:

They WILL end up like this

in my head

CONSTANTLY

[wickmitz]

I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule

Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?

for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.

one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.

obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.

all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.

source : q&a with tracy .

which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.

however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.

though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.

once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.