#nothing against nonbinary identities

[stars-obsession-pit]

Danny got out.

Danyal al Ghul was created by the League of Assassins alongside his brother Damian.

Created, not born. Though they were both grown in the same lab, Danyal always felt the status quo. Damian was the heir, the real son, the one they cared about. Damian got to be a person, the one for whom human terms like “born” would fit.

Danyal was just the extra. The bodyguard to die in his brother’s place and a spare should he be lost.

And Danyal died.

Shed his old life like a snake’s skin and vanished into the bustle of a crowded city.

They would tell Damian it was a mission that went wrong. A failure, like Danyal always was.

But Danyal would call it his first real success.

Danny Fenton loves their new life.

Jack and Maddie, for all their unsafe work practices, care for them. That’s far more than their blood “family” in the League ever did.

Far more than they felt they deserved for the longest time.

So when their brother reached out, tried to reconnect as if they were normal siblings instead of born tools, is it any wonder they lashed out, told him to never come back?

Danny got out. Danyal is dead, one ghost Danny is happy to put down forever.

[kinghlaaluhelseth]

me when i forget vivec in lore goes by he/him and that all other pronouns ppl use on tesblr are just headcanons.

Hello, Video Game Youtuber. Despite being a "lore expert," you appear to have not noticed that the main character of the game you love uses they/them pronouns. You have 30 minutes to speedrun editing the correct pronouns into all your videos or I will detonate the bombs planted inside your gaming PC, killing you instantly

[patricia-taxxon]

Okay, lets play a little thought game. Imagine for a second that we're in an alternate universe where everything is the same, except there's a mental illness that (among other things) obliterates your gender identity, turning you agender. Like it's got a lot of symptoms, but that one's a mandatory associated feature. Nonbinary people still exist in this alternate universe, but the mental illness that makes you nonbinary (MITMYNB) is broadly thought of to be the cause of nonbinary identities, and nonbinary genders are not yet recognized or understood.

Naturally, everyone on earth sees these two groups as being identical. The broader public assumes all nonbinary people to have MITMYNB, it isn't understood how one could be nonbinary without suffering greatly from all of the illness's other symptoms. Some nonbinary people even claim to be happy about being nonbinary, when MITMYNB is known to cause crushing dysphoria and depression over one's loss of gender identity. They're appropriating the struggles of the mentally ill for attention, if they were really nonbinary they would be miserable, they'd be lining up for conversion therapy, (which works sometimes in this universe because it is occasionally an associated feature of a mental illness but causes incalculable pain to those who are nonbinary but don't have it)

Of course, the only thing that nonbinary-gendered people can do is create tightly knit communities and enforce dogmatic validity as a defense against the impossible weight of invalidating wrought on them by people who are, for all they know, in the same group as them. Remember, we know in our universe that "nonbinary" is a gender, but they still don't. Mantras form. You don't need to be mentally ill to be nonbinary, you don't need a diagnosis, there is nothing to be treated, you are valid just the way you are. Which, while it is probably exactly what needed to be said to some people, it ends up further confusing and invalidating people who are suffering from the mental illness. "What do you mean, I am seeing spots and forgetting my last name, I don't want to be valid, I need help, I need community." Screamed helplessly to people who can't fully understand, who believe they're being told that their earnestly held gender identity, their selfhood, is a mental illness. No one wins. This is how I feel about plurality.

[imjunebitch]

hey chat, if you claim to be a progressive activist, and your willingness to show compassion and advocate only goes as far as your own identity, you are bad at activism!

to get this out of the way, i certainly don't consider myself an activist, im not even fully out of the closet, im slightly active in gsa, and I post discourse on tumblr occasionally, that does not make me an activist. a lot of queer people or otherwise marginalized people aren't, or can't be, or just don't want to be, and that's okay! most people shouldn't have to be, in my opinion! but i Poast as I do bc i try to be compassionate and when I see shit I Feel The Need To Address It.

look at all the damn TRFs on this site, essentially. You'll note some things about the group as a whole, and this is a generalization, which is a bad thing, i apologize and promise im not shit talking any of these associated groups, im gonna make a coherent point i prommy! but the vast majority of them are white, perisex, gender conforming, binary lesbian transfems. nothing wrong with that, that's cool! but you'll note that all they ever seem to advocate for is, well, white, perisex, gender conforming, binary lesbian transfems, and they continually shit on everyone else.

(although they might occasionally show some solidarity with nonbinary people. oh, but only "TMA" nonbinary people. grabbing them by their hands and explaining the existence of intersex people I stg, drop your fucking bigoted false dichotomy that inherently forces nonbinary people to reveal their assigned sex to you to even be respected by you and still defines them by that anyway. drop your system that treats intersex people like an unimportant afterthought. collateral damage in your shitty quest to have a short snappy acronym you can drag through the mud because you don't have the fucking guts to just say that you hate trans men with your whole pussy) ⬅️ period of foaming rage over now

so here's the problem. they want to be activists! they really do! but their interest in activism stops where they stop, and they have no interest in forming compassion, alliance, or any sort of bond with anyone outside of that group. and in all to many cases, they have real, actual ire against people not in their group. even groups that have so much in common with them! what else could aphobia in queer spaces be? or intersexism in trans and queer spaces? or racism among queer people, or transandrophobia among trans women and fems? what does all of this have in common? two things really.

it's so fucking stupid that trying to explain it to a friend who isn't online makes you feel like you're just rambling because it is genuinely so fucking stupid. all of you exclusionist assholes are so genuinely cartoonishly stupid and so completely blind to intersectionality and just fucking compassion as a concept that trying to explain your stances and how fucking MANY of you there somehow are makes ME look like I'm just rambling away. had to get that off my chest

they come from a fundamental unwillingness to engage with anything outside of whatever they have defined as the in-group.

it boggles my damn mind that a trans person could say intersexism and exorsexism aren't real, or that a queer person could shit on asexual and aromantic people, or that a transfem person could say that a transmasc person doesn't actually suffer from their own kind of oppression, or that so many white queers are so shitty towards poc queers. but all of this comes from people saying "i want progress, but i only want it for myself, and the groups I relate to and nobody else." tma/tme shit is this at its absolute clearest. let's impose a dichotomy of who is and is not oppressed, let's define "oppressed" as "suffers in a way similar to me" and now let's shit on everyone who isn't "oppressed." (which again is clearly just shorthand for transmasculine, about 70% of the time. work your fucking issues out, trans men and mascs are not the oppressor.)

but look guys. I can go outside. i can read the news. i can talk to and hang around with my friends and partners, and through doing all of this i can see that you're completely full of shit. i can see sexuality being forced on asexual people,listen to stories from ace and around people about being forced into relationships and see that clearly things aren't fucking sunshine and rainbows for ace people! i can see and hear how people dismiss or deride intersex people and see "huh looks like intersex people are made invisible and ignored or otherwise treated as if something is wrong with them, damn, wish we had a word for that, how does 'intersexism" sound?" i identified as nonbinary for a while so i fucking know firsthand how people, even sometimes other queer people, just treat you like your assigned sex, especially if you don't present as androgynous. i can go to queer events and see how fucking unwelcome poc queers are, and I can fucking hang out with my friends and my partners, the "TME queers" you fucking ASSHOLES love to shit all over and see, fucking firsthand, how they are treated. how trans men are simultaneously infantilized and treated like predators for existing, how gnc people are treated like they're subhuman or novelties, how all of us queer people threatened, and hurt, and beaten down by bigotry, transfem or not.

and then I get to come home, and i go online, and i see you fucking vultures tearing apart other marginalized groups. people like them. people i love. because I guess that's fucking easier isn't it. it's easier to blame your problems on a nonbinary teenager who uses pronouns you dislike and say that xe's the cause of your oppression, or to shit on a trans man who can't bind or cut his hair because his parents would kill him instead of actually doing something to help your own fucking community. fuck you.

help your fucking community, at least. if you can't even bring yourself to try to advocate for others, then damn, at least spend your time advocating for your own group and not contributing to the issues of another.

I'm tired, yanno.

[this-is-exorsexism]

It's hard being nonbinary.

It's hard being bisexual.

And if you're a nonbinary bisexual like myself, forget about having friends or allys in the community really giving a shit about you because and I quote from a now ex-friend, "Wow, you can't make up your mind about partners AND gender? Oh hon..."

I'm tired, y'all...

this is exorsexism.

i'm also bi, as well as ace and demiromantic, and i keep saying that we desperately need solidarity between all of these identities, because the way we're all treated is very similar. our queerness is supposedly more easily debatable, we're too queer for the nonqueers but not queer enough for the queers, being seen as "in between" queer and nonqueer, and thus as not really oppressed, being told to "pick a side", having our specific issues constantly dismissed, having our identities framed as a privilege, being seen as "50/50" or "nothing" etc. the parallels between these identities that are seen as liminal are obvious if people were to pay attention for more than two seconds, which especially makes it laughable for people to then try to pit nonbinary and bi people against each other.

[luxiomahariel]

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What do you consider a "tankie"? I'm a communist, am I a "tankie"?

i dont have a problem with you if you just call yourself a communist, what i have a problem with is people who theme their blog around lenin, stalin, or mao, because those three are fascists.

i am russian-american and my family is from the soviet union. they have told me all about their experiences growing up in the ussr and it was all horrific. i dont take kindly to people who downplay the atrocities of the ussr, or the chinese communist party for that matter. theming your blog after those three is no different to someone theming their blog around donald trump, elon musk, or putin in my eyes.

i greatly dislike modern day communists using the ussr flag and the hammer & sickle as their symbols because they are both symbols made by fascists, but i wont block someone over this because i think most people dont fully realize just how harmful those symbols are to the people that were oppressed under them. however, i do urge you to reconsider using them.

Q: Why are you against people reclaiming the r slur?

my issue with people trying to “reclaim” the r slur is that theyre not actually reclaiming it. reclamation requires turning a word used against you into something positive. what people are actually doing when they “reclaim” the r slur is continuing to use it to degrade other people, which is not reclamation, it is continuing to use that word as a slur. it is contributing to the harm caused by that slur and i want nothing to do with you if i see you using it.

Q: What does mtm mean?

mtm is a term for transgender men who consider themselves transitioning from male to male, as they have always been male, just not in the way being male is traditionally defined as

i have always been male and will always be male regardless of whatever genital, hormonal, or chromosomal arrangements i was born with, and whether i choose to make changes to my body or not

ftm implies that someone was female at some point, then transitioned to male, which does not accurately describe how some trans men view their gender. its rooted in the concept of binary sex distinctions and assuming gender based on sex, which many trans people want to do away with entirely

it can be considered an agab-punk identity, agab-punk meaning someone who does not wish to disclose their agab for any reason, or simply doesn’t find the concept of agab to be important or relevant

it can also be used by intersex people who are close-to-male or ‘almost wolffian’ but aren’t actually wolffian (wolffian meaning someone who has a penis and testes, the capacity to produce sperm unless if sterile, and has testosterone as ones natural primary sex hormone) and who transitions to a male gender identity

these people can also choose to call themselves ctmtm (close-to-male to male)

Q: What does müllerian/wolffian mean?

müllerian is a descriptor for when people have this set of sex traits:

a vulva and vagina

a uterus and ovaries

the capacity for ovogenesis / the ability to give birth unless if sterile

having estrogen as ones primary sex hormone

generally having breasts as secondary sex traits

wolffian is a descriptor for when people have this set of sex traits:

a penis and testes

the capacity for spermatogenesis unless if sterile

having testosterone as ones primary sex hormone

intersex people that have a mix of müllerian and wolffian traits would be considered müllwolf or wolfmüll

Q: Can I use your pixel pride flags for my pronouns.page / pronouns.cc / pronouny.xyz / pluralkit / carrd / strawpage / rentry profile? Should I credit you?

yep, you can use my pixel flags for those! credit is appreciated though not required, just dont claim you made them and link to my itch.io if asked lol

Q: What is Shinigami Eyes?

shinigami eyes is a browser extension that was developed in order to tell trans and nonbinary people using it what websites/people are and arent safe. it was inspired by the anime death note where, in the series, shinigami eyes are a gift that shinigami are able to give to owners of the death note that grant them the ability to see peoples names and lifespans just by looking at their face, that way death note owners are able to kill people easier since they need a name and a face in order for the death note to work. in a similar way, the extension is supposed to give you all the information you need to know about a website/person by how theyre marked:

websites/people that are anti-trans would be marked in red and websites/people that are trans-friendly would be marked in green

that was how it was supposed to work anyway

Q: Are you aware that youre flagged as anti-trans on Shinigami Eyes?

yes, i am aware

shinigami eyes has become increasingly transphobic against trans men/mascs that speak out about our oppression, against trans women/fems that support us, against nonbinary people by not taking the pejorative 'theyfab' as a serious issue that targets nonbinary people, against intersex trans women/fems afab and intersex men/mascs amab by claiming their identities arent valid, and against trans and nonbinary people of color speaking out about racism in the queer community. it may have been useful at one point but there have been far too many people marked as "trans-friendly" who want trans men/mascs to be killed or get cancer or are comparing trans men/mascs to nazis/hitler that it has become useless and i encourage you to uninstall it and leave a review about how useless this extension is now.

Q: Do you know why theres been so much transandrophobia lately?

its not just lately, trans men/mascs have been trying for over a decade now to coin a term in order to describe the ways in which sexism and transphobia intersect that primarily target trans men/mascs but every time these terms have been shot down and nitpicked to hell and back

well recently an indigenous trans man coined the term transandrophobia to use in order to discuss our oppression and transandrophobes think that the term is inherently transmisogynistic so theyve ramped up the “jokes” about wanting trans men/mascs dead

since transandrophobia has gone so unchecked for so long in the queer community, trans men/mascs are digging our heels in with the term transandrophobia because we know that continuing to hop from one term to another to appease transandrophobes will result in no progress being made to address the actual issues that we're bringing up when we talk about societal transandrophobia

Q: What does tme/tma mean?

tma stands for transmisogyny applicable tme stand for transmisogyny exempt

the terms are intersexist and transmisogynistic because people keep defining tme to include every single person that was assigned female at birth even though intersex people have pointed out time and time again that gender assignment is an event that happens to you at birth and is not representative of a persons sex traits nor is it indicative of what gender a person was raised as or if that person experienced the puberty aligned with their assigned gender. people using tma/tme constantly categorize trans women/fems afab as "tme trans women/fems" and are openly hostile towards everyone they deem as "tme", especially trans men/mascs

even though tme is meant to include cis people, it is most often used to attack trans men/mascs without outright stating that they are attacking specifically trans men/mascs

you can see how tme/tma are actually being used here

Q: What are bæddels?

around 2012-2016, there was a group of trans women/fems that co-opted the intersexist slur which they believed had actually targeted trans women/fems and started calling themselves baeddels (even putting the word baeddel in their url or bio). they believed that the root of all bigotry was actually transmisogyny, much like how radical feminists believe that the root of all bigotry is actually misogyny. this group of trans women/fems repeatedly targeted and harassed trans men/mascs and also nonbinary people (mainly nonbinary people afab but the group also held general transmed beliefs and thought nonbinary people amab were just transfem eggs) on the assumption that they were not oppressed and actually benefited from the patriarchy in order to oppress trans women/fems.

the main perpetrators of this toxic rhetoric ended up living together and eventually it came out that one of them had raped another trans women at knifepoint. through a lot of gaslighting and manipulation, the rapist had convinced the other trans women/fems in the group to harass and shun the victim when, painting the victim as being transmisogynistic. eventually the group had learned what had actually happened to the victim and disbanded due to guilt.

do not trust anyone who self identifies as a baeddel because this is the shit they are defending when they attempt to "reclaim" it. and do not call anyone who doesnt self identify as one a baeddel because it is still am intersexist slur.

you can find evidence of everything that the baeddels said and did documented on this blog: https://www.tumblr.com/baeddel-txt

Q: Why do you think transmisogyny isn't real?

i do think its real. stop lying about me.

Q: What does cafab/camab mean?

it stands for coercively assigned [gender] at birth and those terms are used to refer to intersex people who were medically abused at birth and forcibly assigned their gender

they are intersex exclusive and people who are not intersex should not be using these terms to describe themselves

Q: What does radqueer mean?

radqueer stands for radical queer. theres a lot of things that fall under the label radqueer, like being inclusive of contradictory identities as well as non-traumagenic systems, but the main issue that everyone against radqueers is their acceptable of racist, intersexist, and ableist transids.

transid is shortened from trans identity, but radqueers dont use them for just gender. you might have heard of the term "transrace" (or "trace") before, someone who wishes to transition to be a different race or believes themselves to be a different race than what they actually are. people of color have largely denounced transrace, calling it racist. this is because transrace identities rely heavily on racist stereotypes of the races or ethnicities the transrace person claims to be a part of. one such example is oli london, who had stated that he wanted to get a penis reduction surgery because he identified as korean and the average penis size of koreans is 3.5". he has also gotten plastic surgery in order to look like the bts band member, jimin. this is all a very shallow and racist understanding of korean people and their culture.

another transid is transintersex, believing that one can transition to being intersex. this one is unfortunately a more widespread problem, not limited to just the radqueer community but to the rest of the queer community as a whole. many queer people are under the false assumption that intersex just means "having both a penis and vagina", when intersex is an umbrella term that covers many sexual, chromosomal, and hormonal variations. when someone says they "want to transition to being intersex", a fused labia is an intersex condition, as is a micropenis, and polycystic ovary syndrome, or just having different chromosomes like xxy/xyy/xxx/xxxy/etc. but a person who wants to "transition to being intersex" doesnt want any of that, nor the complications that come with these variations. its important to let these people know that theres better terms to describe what kind of genitals they would like to have as part of their transition, terms like bigenital, multigenital, angenital (not agenital because that one is an intersex variation), varsex, or maybe they simply want to present androgynously. these terms are a clearer way to communicate what you would like to achieve with your transition than the intersexist phrase that is "i want to transition to be intersex".

one thing i would like to add, however, is that intersex people have been reclaiming the term transintersex and redefining it to mean "someone that is trans in a way that feels connected to or influenced by being intersex". i personally reclaim transintersex and use it in this way because my transgender identity and intersex identity feel interconnected in a way that is impossible for me to untangle.

the final transid, transabled, is an umbrella term for people that wish to "transition to being disabled". there is an actual psychological term to describe a similar phenomenon to this called body integrity dysphoria that is often used to justify transabled identities. people with biid have spoken out about transabled identities. but i also urge people who might identify as transabled to see if they might have biid and possibly find resources because biid can be distressing.

beyond these theres also transharmful identities like transnazi, transstalker, transmurderer, etc. i feel like those speak for themselves. basically people who are against radqueers are against these main transids that are normalized in the radqueer community and want nothing to do with these bigoted identities and people.

[simpleskull200]

It's June 1st, the start of pride month and instead of being super excited this year, I feel nothing but disappointment in my own community not for my identity or being a part of this community. Rather, for the current state the community is in because of a vocal minority of people spreading internal queerphobia and hatred that goes against what we're supposed to stand for.

Pride started as a riot, a fight for equal rights, to be seen and treated as human. Yet, all too often I see people in this community invalidating eachother instead of trying to uplift eachother.

For everyone in the community who needs to hear this:

🩷 Trans women are women.

🩵 Trans men are men.

🤍 Nonbinary people deserve labels that make them feel whole—not erased.

💗 Lesbians can have complex pasts and STILL be real lesbians.

💚 Polyamorous people are valid!

💙 Bisexuality and pansexuality are valid, even if you’re currently dating “only one gender.”

💜 Asexual and aromantic people are queer enough, full stop.

💅 Drag is not predatory. Drag is art. And protest. And joy.

✨ Neopronouns are valid!

💖 Allies have a space in this community too.

No one needs permission to identify with a label that helps them breathe easier, that fits them, that expresses who they are.

You are loved, you are valid, and nobody should get to say otherwise. Happy pride month, here's to spreading positivity and acceptance for all queer identities! 🌈

[velvetvexations]

I keep seeing posts from TRFs talking about how "nonbinary people AMAB have essentially nothing in common with nonbinary people AFAB and that the th*fabs won't ever treat these nb people AMAB right", and it makes me think a lot of my partner

My partner is a nb person AMAB. They have been for well over five years. They love their gender and they feel firmly where it is. Yet, they've been pestered few times (by TRFs) about how they're still an uncracked egg. How they need to leave these pronouns behind and finish their transition into a binary transfem. A former friend literally told them she couldn't stand "waiting for [her] to realize", and refused to even stick to their goddamn pronouns.

And like, is this their idea of treating nb people AMAB right??? I've never seen any other group of people question my partner's identity as much as these idiots do. I've even told I'm transmisogynistic for speaking against them misgendering my partner, because "I'm just opposed to there being more transfems", and like. There's literally no added value to one identity or another! If my partner changes their mind I'll gladly accept it, but I'm do fed up of people treating them like they just don't know their own identity at all!

The only non-binary identity they're really on-board with is feeling like a woman whose outside of womanhood because of transmisogyny, which is a totally valid identity but only accepted and promoted by TRFs specifically because it revolves around trans womanhood and how awful it is to be a trans woman. They literally cannot understand anything else. Me calling myself male makes them bluescreen and accuse me of being "half-detransitioned" because I "misgender" myself. All their defensive posts about the th***abs rubbing their complicated genders in their faces are projection of a genuine inability to grok gender identities that aren't an extension of being a woman first and foremost.

[thatgentlewife]

Welcome to My Blog!

Hi there, lovely! I’m so glad you’re here. I’m a young wife, homemaker, and most importantly, a follower of Jesus. I grew up Protestant, but feel closer to the traditional Christian denominations like Catholicism, Orthodoxy, and Anglicanism. I was blessed to marry my wonderful husband in November 2024, and every day, I strive to honor God by embracing biblical womanhood, nurturing my marriage, and cultivating a home filled with love, warmth, and faith. We want to have a large family, I currently have two babies in heaven. If it’s Gods will we will be blessed with more earth-side babies ❤️

I believe in living a life that reflects God’s perfect design, one of gentleness, purity, and devotion. My heart is set on serving Christ first and foremost, and second to Him, my husband, whom I joyfully submit to as my leader and protector. I cherish the beauty of traditional values, which shape every part of my life, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I used to identify as nonbinary, gay, a feminist, and a witch. During that time, I struggled deeply with depression, anxiety, and constant spiritual oppression. But Jesus met me in my brokenness, rescued me from darkness, and completely transformed my life. I no longer live in confusion, He gave me peace, identity, and freedom. Glory to God.

What I Stand For

✨ The Sanctity of Life

This blog is pro-life, because every child is fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:13-16). Life begins at conception, and every baby has a God-given purpose. I believe in supporting women with love, resources, and guidance so that no mother feels alone in choosing life.

✨ The Dangers of Pornography

This blog is anti-porn, because pornography destroys hearts, marriages, and intimacy as God intended it. It turns real love into something selfish and empty, leading to addiction, shame, and broken relationships. I believe in fighting for purity and God-honoring relationships that reflect true, selfless love.

✨ Biblical Marriage & Submission

I believe in God’s design for marriage—a covenant between one man and one woman. As a wife, I embrace submission as a beautiful, biblical calling, trusting my husband’s leadership and honoring him in my words, actions, and heart. Love, respect, and obedience to God’s Word create a strong, joyful, and lasting marriage.

✨ Domestic Discipline

I believe that domestic discipline is a personal choice that should be made mutually and consensually between a husband and wife. While it’s not for everyone, I support a couple’s right to practice it if they believe it strengthens their marriage. When approached with love, respect, and biblical principles, it can provide structure, accountability, and deeper trust. As long as both spouses agree and it is done in a way that honors their relationship, I see it as a valid and beneficial dynamic for those who choose it.

✨ Biblical Womanhood & Femininity

I am passionate about biblical femininity, modesty, and creating a home that reflects Christ’s love. I believe true beauty isn’t just about how we look, but about having a gentle, quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). In a world that devalues womanhood, I strive to embrace my role as a wife and future mother with joy and grace.

✨ My Perspective on Feminism

I do not agree with today’s version of feminism, which rejects traditional femininity, submission, and the beauty of God’s design. However, I do believe women should have the right to vote and make choices for themselves. Women are not less valuable than men, but we are beautifully different, and our strengths should be celebrated rather than diminished by a culture that seeks to erase them.

✨ My Beliefs on Gender & Sexuality

I personally do not believe men can become women or that women can become men. I do not agree with the LGBTQ lifestyle, and you will not find me in support of it on this blog. However, I have nothing against those who choose to live this way—you are a valuable human being, just like the rest of us. My belief is simply that marriage was created by God to be between a biological man and a biological woman. If you disagree, this may not be the blog for you.

A Few Things About Me

• I love to cook! (I once dreamed of being a chef, but my heart is too tender for the food industry.)

• Children are my joy! I work in childcare and find so much fulfillment in nurturing little hearts.

• I love reading! (The Phantom Tollbooth is my favorite book!)

• I enjoy poetry, songwriting, and drawing. (I may not be the best artist, but I love creating beauty in every form!)

• I make soap, lotion, and tinctures as I learn more about natural living.

• I strive to be a good, submissive wife and grow in grace, patience, and humility every day.

Why I Started This Blog

Marriage is a journey, and I want to share mine with you—the joys, the lessons, and the ways God is shaping me into a better wife and homemaker. My goal is to encourage other women to embrace biblical womanhood, cherish their marriages, and build homes that reflect God’s love. ❤️

If you value faith, femininity, and the beauty of a God-centered life, you’re in the right place. I pray that this blog blesses and encourages you as we grow together in grace and truth.

With love,

thatgentlewife

[genderqueerdykes]

Thinking about trans and gender related surveys (that as long as they're not like, from transphobes, I love to take because survey!!!)

But then how almost every single one has "what sex/gender were you assigned at birth" and the answers are "male", "female", and "intersex" and if you're lucky, "other".

There are ones that don't actually dig into or study intersexism in any way that even ask, "if you're intersex, were you assigned male or female at birth", and when the (always perisex) people who created the survey are asked about it, invariably the answer is something like "oh well, the gender/sex you were assigned at birth has an impact on the life you've lived and discrimination you've faced so I thought it was more important than actually asking you about the life you've lived and discrimination you've faced". Like hun, no....

If there is an "other" option, especially on a trans-focused survey, I just put "I will not disclose the agab/asab that was used to erase my intersex identity" down or similar. Like ah yes, let me just give you the label that's been used to force social and medical violence on me for decades so you can pretend to know what I have and have experienced... ha! No.

When will people learn that if you want to know about someone's experiences, you have to ask them about their experiences? It's so simple, but so many people just don't seem to get it!

And while the "were you assigned male female or intersex" ones reek of ignorance, given that the vast majority of intersex people WERE assigned female or male INACCURATELY (and therefore it perpetuates erasure to force people to choose between what was assigned as a form of violence and what they are", I almost hate the ones that force intersex people to disclose the agab/asab that's been weaponized against them more. ESPECIALLY when the survey creator then smugly explains to the multiple intersex people upset about it, "well, it 'tells' me what you've been through" (so I don't have to bother to ask or learn and can just assume)

Like, to my awareness I did not have surgery as an infant, though given my birth and pre-adoption history I have very little way of knowing for sure. I WAS however coerced onto a hormone based "treatment" when the first signs of my sex characteristics changing popped up, which also made my dysphoria significantly worse when I was already suicidal due to being abused. And then I've been told I'm basically [agab] and not "really" intersex (despite the vast majority of the intersex community saying my variation IS) by a lot of the trans community especially.

I mean, what it really boils down to is people asking "but are you male or female intersex". Often to determine whether I'm "boy or girl nonbinary", even.

Like no actually. Knowing my agab tells you nothing about my sex characteristics, socialization, puberty, discrimination and oppression I've faced, and so on. That's the whole point intersex people have been exhaustively trying to make!

I'm not giving you my CAGAB when every time I have before it's been used against me by the very same people that demanded it

Just. GAH.

thank you for taking the time to send this, i really appreciate you making your story heard. i am so sorry you've gone through all of this. it can be such a gauntlet to be a queer intersex person. there's so much behavior and common rhetoric that hurts us because so many people are obsessed with figuring out what genitals a stranger has. the fact that people literally lump nonbinary into girl nonbinary and boy nonbinary.

people do not realize how obsessively binarist & gender essentialist they have being. but it's constant. you shouldn't have to disclose your assigned sex at birth. you shouldn't have to disclose your genitals at all. other queer people shouldn't be dying to know what genitals you have and have had.

[this-is-intersexism]

"nonbinary intersex people are cis" is intersexism and exorsexism.

intersex people are not generally raised in gender-neutral way. we don't have any kind of "easy pass" from gender norms and related pressure. often we face even more pressure to conform to role that is given to us, and every hint of non-conformity is punished and seen as a problem that should be fixed. our bodies are seen as non-conforming and punished for this non-conformity by coersive "treatments." our intersexness is seen as poison. there are tons of fearmongering about how knowledge about our intersexness may be a threat to our gender conformity and "proper gender identification" (aka being cis in the eyes of society).

our transness and nonbinarity aren't seen as "natural order." (i'd say nothing is seen as "natural order" for us). our intersexness doesn't work as "excuse" how some perisex people imagine it. it may be weaponized against is in any way, including in gender identification (our gender identities may be devalued and pathologized and written off as a result of our intersexness that need to be fixed).

also, a lot of intersex people don't know that they're intersex until adulthood or late teens. they may feel that something is different, that society treats them different (in negative way), but don't know why. they may be raised in one gender role and face the same expectations, stereotypes, pressure to conform + punishment for non-conformity that is completely out of their control.

intersex people aren't exempt from all gender-related oppressive systems. and even if some people have supportive families that are open about their intersexness and don't push stereotypes and allow gender questioning, they still live in the society that is extremely transmisic, exorsexist, and intersexist.

so no, nonbinary intersex people aren't cis as in "being seen as natural order of things" by society. we are seen as double freaks.

(some nonbinary intersex people may consider themselves cis. some may not. but it should be individual decision, not pushing labels on a broad and diverse category of people with very different experiences).

[aphidclan-clangen]

Hi! Happy 2025 :D

You've done an amazing job this past year, Iridis! AphidClan is one of the only clangens I can follow without getting lost or bored within a few updates (including one of my own I tried to start lol); your designs are instantly recognizable and eye-catching, the darker lore is balanced out with enough cute, light moments that it never feels overwhelming or overcomplicated, you express such a wide range of emotions and dynamics so well! Plus the diversity in your character base and your care towards representing a variety of identities, just makes me so happy to see. Everything about this comic is so uniquely creative, it's honestly incredibly impressive.

Obviously nothing against other clangens– just that yours has something special I've been unable to find elsewhere :]

Thank you for everything you've done this year, and I hope the next goes well for you 💞

AWWWW man thank you so much <33 This is so sweet and honestly relieving to hear lol, I often feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing with Aphidclan. Like it’s a constant hazy state of cluelessness that I’ve just grown used to. Im not very aware of like… what my work reads as to others? Man I dunno if you guys even know what’s going on lmao. So it’s really nice to hear an outside perspective and realize that’s probably just a me thing. And that it’s impressive??? Damn, man, thank you lol

I’ve never quite done anything like Aphidclan before. It started at a time in my life when I was…technically my gender exploration journey started months earlier than this, but it was kinda started at the cusp of my own gender identity exploration,,explosion. The first thing I wanted to explore was being xenogender (other folk go from “cisgender —> maybe I’m non-binary or trans…” in their journey like normal people but nah man. before anything else occurred to me I went from “im cisgender” to “maybe I’m a neon rainbow insect with neopronouns actually :)” lmao) and that coincided really well with the rise of the clangen trend, so I figured I’d use some brand new OCs to explore gender identity in a…safe way? In a safe little pocket where it was all,,,nonconsequential and only tangential to my own identity. And I ended up exploring transgender and non-binary identities as well very frequently, which was mostly helped by the game giving me cats with assigned genders/sexes and me squinting at them and going “…nah. that’s a unicorncore trans man if I ever seen one” and reversing it, and then transing half the cast lmao.

I was not transgender going into this comic. I am now coming out of our first year with Aphidclan as a transmasc nonbinary man <3

I never intended it to be a thing for representation points exactly? I was certainly surprised by the lack of xenogender and more complicated/unusual LGBTQ gender identities depicted in all media ever! I still don’t really understand why something like neopronouns aren’t more present? They’re the coolest shit ever. Like- we’ve broken down gender norms and gender roles so much that now gender is not just “feminine” and “masculine,” it’s anything and everything you could ever want it to be. It’s ultimate freedom. It’s not just what it means to be “man” or “woman,” it’s “but what if I was more than that? What if I felt like a bug? Or a rainbow? Or a cloud? Or a connection to nature and the ocean and the stars? What if I felt like I was part of the universe? Or a music genre, or a concept, or a candy bar, an animal, a fairy, a slice of fruit!” You could be anything you’ve ever dreamed of being and more.

And once you get used to the funky grammar of neopronouns, it’s not that polarizingly different from other identities at all, honestly. And plus, it’s really fkin fun lol.

Aphidclan’s helped me explore a lot throughout this year. There were often times where I was struggling with my own femininity as a trans man and I remembered Firebeetle and the support I’ve received for his character, and using “well, if it’s okay for firebeetle to wear dresses and flowers and feminine things, then it’s okay for me to do that too, and it doesn’t invalidate my identity at all” and it really helped. 2024 was a great year for me creatively and exploration-wise, and I’ll certainly never be the same. Thank you guys for all your support, it means a lot <3

[drdemonprince]

do you consider exorsexism to be an accurate/coherent concept in terms of describing structural discrimination against nonbinary people?

when i first encountered the term i thought it made sense, but now i’m wondering how it potential could tie into the ways transmisogynists use “binary trans woman” as a kind of dogwhistle. i have certainly encountered interpersonal bigotry from fellow trans people over my being nonbinary… but none of them had any structural power over me, so i tend to not feel particularly threatened by whatever “binary” trans people may feel about me. on the other hand, i do face a lot of structural barriers in a cis-binary world; but is that experience actually distinct enough from transphobia or cissexism to warrant its own term?

There is definitely a structural oppression of nonbinary people that exists and we need better tools to talk about. To this day a nonbinary identity is not legible to basically ANY government ID office, insurance provider, employer, school, hospital, or other large institution, that gender neutral or unisex restrooms and locker rooms seldom exist, and so many other public spaces & institutions are so rigidly gendered, such that nonbinary people are not allowed to functionally exist in society.

And speaking as someone who has inhabited both nonbinary and more binary trans identities, people absolutely do comprehend and honor the familiar binary options more, gender you correctly more often if you are binary, include you more often in social spaces and events, and are flat out more comfortable around you if you are easier for them to parse. It infuriates me when trans people shit on nonbinary folks as being self-centered and fake oppressed. This stuff is so clear.

And none of that erases the fact that TME nonbinary people often harbor deeply transmisogynistic views -- we live in a transmisogynistic society! all people are inculturated into those views and anyone who is not a trans woman does not get targeted by systems of transmisogyny. trans men are just as bad or worse wrt to all of this, so if anything the singling out of nonbinary people as fake, entitled not-really-oppressed trans people who are somehow uniquely bad to trans femmes is itself a manifestation of anti-nonbinary prejudice. theres nothing the "theyfabs" are doing thats any worse or an different from what you see from just about every trans man and cis woman.

Trans men often DO hold power over our nonbinary siblings, because we are men, often with many of the privileges attendant -- but also a group does not need to be positioned below another group on some straightforward hierarchy in order to experience a genuine and distinct loci of oppression. (see for example the differing experiences of bisexuals and gay and lesbian people). Lateral aggression is a thing, cissexism and coercive gender assignment at birth is to blame for virtually ALL of this, and of course, a lot of nonbinary people do in fact transition in some way (not just medically) and so moves to exclude them from discussions of trans oppression are a bad move.

[hezenkossapologist]

Dragon Age Transgender sidebar, since I’m thinking about Gender and its suffocating presence in Orzammar: I am SO frustrated that we won’t deal with Orzammar from a 2024 lens, as far as I can tell because it’s problematic and they would rather ignore and do away with it.

But it is, to me, more important than ever that we get stories that depict power and violence and how people are organised by power and violence. ESPECIALLY stories about Gender and Bodies. We deserve 2024 sociological storytelling! We should not let it be abandoned to the 90s and the derivatives of the 90s! A transgender woman in Orzammar doesn’t just defy gendered expectations of a person with her body, she defies caste expectations. When caste is afforded according to your same-sex parent, what happens when you are not the sex everyone said you were? Do you become Casteless? You likely can’t then become a Noble hunter, for if you did, which caste would the child be a part of? You or your Deshyr woman? What do you do with a male child when there is no male parent? What happens when you are a woman, a gender that is organised for consumption in a specific and particular reproductive role, and you can’t and don’t fill that role? (Are women who cannot give birth disproportionately joining the Legion of the Dead? What about the Silent Sisters?)

Give me transfemininity in Orzammar. Give me a story that demonstrates what happens when you assume that because there is sex-articulated violence (that is, violence that is enacted against a person using their reproductive and bodily reality) that this is sex-based violence (the idea that violence happens to people because they are born into a sex, namely female). Trouble that TERF-ass stupid dumb dumb narrative about how power and violence and gender and bodies actually work*. Show how transgender woman are actually organised by gender hierarchy, even (or especially) when that hierarchy is fixated on a reproductive capability they do not have.

And this just flat-out does not have to involve lurid depictions of transphobia or violence against trans women- because Orzammar society is built to squeeze out transgender people, even if we say as a writing rule that Orzammar citizens are never personally transphobic people. Just like how in the real world, systems change how transgender people navigate the world, even if you are able to completely avoid interpersonal violence.

For that matter, tell me about a non-binary person from Orzammar! The most aggressively binary gender-enforcing location I can think of in Thedas!

Trans Dwarves should be all over the place on the Surface. What under Stone is there to lose for you when Orzammar has truly nothing for you?

As much as Taash’s story touched me and made me cry and I love them as a character, I am so frustrated by how frictionless their story is against the society and world they live in. Why don’t they know the term non-binary when non-binary people are not only accepted in Rivain, but have even had a place in the Lords of Fortune- their group, that isn't depicted as being particularly large? For that matter what is the Rivani understanding of nonbinary? Has Taash somehow just never met a non-binary person, a person friends with a non-binary person, nor ever heard about their fellow non-binary Lord? If not, how can I believe that Rivaini society is at a base level truly accepting of non-binary identity?

I don't. I think Taash's conflict and struggle is one that is heavily inspired by Trick Weeks' actual experience as a non-binary person in this society. This society within which the dominant cultural logic is "men are people with penises, women are people with vaginas, and we violate and ignore anyone who troubles this in any way". (Something which is not universal and is inextricable from colonial histories). If Rivain is not a society that hides, violates, controls, erases, or dominates transgender and nonbinary people Taash simply should have come across mentions of transgender and nonbinary histories and lives and realities in Rivain.

Non-binary as a term is culturally situated to anglophone, colonised or colonising, societies in the 21st century. That is where it came from. It came out of a reaction to that specific gender binary. I like it being used explicitly in VG- I like transgender people being undeniable and using words that are meaningful to us, this is a game by and largely for people from this social and cultural context- but I want it to be specifically culturally situated to Thedas, too. Who came up with the term non-binary in Thedas? Has there been a LGBTQ rights struggle that mirrors the origins of the term in our world? Did Maevaris coin the word transgender in Tevine and now it’s been adopted for the Trade Tongue?

Fantasy as a genre, to put it very very broadly, asks questions about how things came to be. It pisses me off as a transgender person that there is more detail on how Orzammar came to be a caste-driven patriarchal nightmare than there is on how transgender people in Thedas have conceptualised and dealt with their realities in their different contexts through time. I think we deserve better.

(* To put this bluntly: cis women are not r*ped because they are cis women with Cis Women Bodies, sexual violence is not some biological reality of The Womb that r*pists are responding to, they are r*ped bc r*pists in a r*pe culture have power, and they use it over other people. Notably they use it disproportionately against all women, cis and trans, because women- all women- are disempowered and made vulnerable by patriarchy.)

[fernacular]

something I really dont get, when a chracter whose gender identity is a lil ambiguous gets headcanoned as a trans man or nonbinary or even gnc by some people, and then a bunch of other people get all up in arms about how theyre trying to erase a strong female character and “just let them be a woman you misogynist” and shit like that and Im like.

Why do they specifically have to be a cis woman for their story to resonate with you?

now im not transmasculine but I know a lot of transmasculine people have experienced a lot of the same shit a lot of women have to deal with, because the overarching powers of the world we live in dont want to recognize them as anything other than women as well. Transmasc people do have to deal with mysogyny, with pressure to just be feminine in a “normal” way, with threats against their ability to control their own reproduction, with people trying to squash them into a restrictive little box and control every aspect of their lives, with threats of violence if they deviate.

I dont want to insinuate its all exactly the same, transmasculine people obviously have their own specific contexts for it, but like, it fucking resonantes, doesn’t it? Do you really see nothing to relate to? Does all of that extremely recognizeable bullshit just… not count anymore when it’s happening to a dude? We dont have a monopoly on this, it happens to trans guys all the time. Hell it happens to a lot of cis dudes! And transfeminine people! Most people actually! so many fuckin’ people are effected by sexist heteronormative fuckery, and I think its kinda messed up that the only time you can empathize with it in another person is when they look and act exactly like you.

[dailyspicyfigures]

hi again! I'm myself perisex so I don't really have anything to say on what is and isn't acceptable beyond what I've learned from intersex people - from my understanding, there's nothing wrong with the concept of a character with both sets of genitals for fetish purposes or otherwise, it's just a question of the term being used, with (one of) the preferred terms being bigenital (unless the character is intended to be a transwoman without bottom surgery, I suppose).

a very big problem online is that unlike a lot of other queer identities, who are more widely known as real people even by those who don't respect them, many people just straight up don't know that intersex people are a real thing and not a porn category, and when told they're real, immediately jump to asking if they have "both sets" and calling them slurs. both h*rmaphrodite and another popular porn term, f*tanari (u) (which is a japanese slur against intersex people if I'm correct, and is considered a slur regardless) participate in this lack of knowledge of intersex people as a real, varied group of people, and not a porn trope (I've actually had an experience where I tried to call someone out and had this kind of reaction).

thank you so much for understanding, I totally understand that that's just the figurines name and again, I'm not intersex myself, so I'll let you do what you think is best and if someone intersex follows you and wants to chime in, they can. a lot of people are way less understanding or try to find justifications for why they should be allowed to use a slur, so I appreciate you! (hope this is comprehensive I'm making food rn so. multi-tasking. have a good day!)

you're right, it's really awful how little real life intersex people are spoken about. i honestly don't even know if the people i know know what intersex means because it's just so rarely spoken about...

i don't know any intersex people as far as i'm aware, however since recently a dutch celebrity called raven van dorst is publicly intersex. they were intersex since birth ofcourse but they only recently realised, when they were at the gynecologist who was like "hey uh fun fact...". they have also come out as nonbinary since and they're on tv a lot so i'm glad there's someone out there to teach dutch people a thing or two. sadly they do use the word "h*rmafrodiet" instead of intersex (i think you can guess what that translates to) which is kind of a shame since it seems like most intersex people are really not comfortable with that word. i can imagine it being very frustrating being intersex and seeing them on tv as the face of the dutch intersex community (which they didn't ask for ofcourse but that's just kinda what happens) using a slur to describe themselves and the community in general. baby steps i guess, i hope they're able to connect with more members of the community and listen to their voices!