#note to cherry

[cherryblossomforest]

I woke up from a nightmare and I'm actually concerned about my mental health.

I need to start taking my mental health more seriously, not that I wasn't before but I need to do so much better. I am so scared of losing touch with reality, since I was younger that anxiety has been there, and then I watched Shutter Island and my brain has been more fearful since. I've accepted I am unwell due to things like my depression, having dissociated parts and experiencing hologram-like flashbacks because of my PTSD. But it's like I'm setting myself up to fail even more. I'm setting myself up to become more and more "unwell" and that's what needs to stop. I think part of feeling so unwell has been talking about my OCD thought processes too. I've been talking to my cousin and friends about how it feels like my thoughts are directly responsible for the fate of those around me and myself. I know that comes under magical thinking and thought neutralising and finally talking about that makes me scared I'm going crazy. Very similar to how bad my anxiety was when Dead Brother died and I thought that I caused it because I told others what he had done. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not wield that power and talking about it all will not make me go crazy but get me the help I deserve. At times I feel like talking about it will make me go crazy and then I need to seek reassurance that I'm actually okay which now that I'm typing this all out might just be part of the OCD. But regardless I need to do better for myself.

I often don't get enough sleep or sleep at the completely wrong time, I don't drink enough water and drink so much alcohol. I go weeks to months at times without seeing people and only speak to people on my phone. I don't eat enough either and arguably these are all things and behaviours from struggling with my mental health which isn't wrong but it isn't helping either. I can't afford to be losing my mind by myself at home. There is so much more I could be doing and I'm not saying it'll be easy but I can start with seeing Someone once a week. Unless I'm talking to someone on my phone I'm talking to my cat or myself and yeah that's bad! I should be leaving my house a minimum of twice a week anyway and I don't but I really need to.

I get these moments where I am so stressed out that it's like I'm on 100 and I feel I have all this energy not in the sense that I'm doing 101 things, but it just feels like my brain can't stop to think because then it'll be faced with a bunch of flashbacks and trauma memories so it keeps me going and going and going to not have a chance to think. I actively need to tell myself to stop and calm down because thinking about things won't kill me. I know at times it feels like remembering will but it won't but carrying on like this is just exacerbating my mental health.

I think I need to get out of the house, and I know this is severely limited because of my fibro but even just sitting in a cafe close to home during school hours can be enough. I need to stop being so alone all the time because it's not healthy and I can feel my brain slipping. I'm way too comfortable being isolated at home and nothing good comes from that! I don't even take a walk outside I'm always just stuck indoors and yeah no. There has never been a period where I have been home consistently for this long. I went from school to college to working full time and this only stopped because of the accident. It's understandable but it's making my mental health so much worse.

I also need to do everything in my power to get my medication for my sleep sorted out. It doesn't help that taking new meds scares me and that I'm sensitive to taking things but regardless not sleeping is not helping. At all. Lack of sleep makes my mental health dip like crazy and it does so very quickly. I need to get my sleep sorted and I know I'm writing this at 4am but that's the whole problem. I can't even take the medication I have because of alcohol (a vodka bottle that I've now poured down the sink) and that's where everything gets messy. Idk what the point of this post was except getting it out of my mind but I just know that I can't and don't want to carry on like this.

[kirbysorbet]

Hualian: two guys who seem kinda normal at first blush but then you have a second conversation with them and you realize what absolute freaks they are especially for each other. Luckily they steadfastly refuse to discuss bedroom matters with others (bc you are unworthy)

Wangxian: you meet these two and you’re like oh ok. This one’s the freak and this one’s the guy who keeps him in line. But then as you get to know them you realize more and more that the roles might actually be reversed from your first impression. And THEN you come to the inevitable conclusion that they’re both freaks and nothing is keeping either of them in line except the will to fool others

Bingqiu: hopelessly undisguisable freak4freak. One look at these guys and you know something’s up. You talk to them and just Know that they have kinks you’ve never even heard of nor do you want to. You live in fear of trying to hold a conversation with them.

[dejaysus]

In the stripped club. Straight up "shrimpin it". And by "it", haha well. Let's just say. My Poscas

[damnedrainbows]

I remember when viv retweeted my cherrisnake wedding and got my hopes up

viv u heartless bitch

[speakofthedebbie]

yall know the drill

made this 3 days ago, forgor abt it

omg guys it me

no text version bc i might use this

idk when ill start putting the meme index again, shits exhausting

[bazpango]

Inspired by one of you previous arts, do you think L and Light both bite each other’s lips, or does Light only bite L’s?

Anon, this question really made me think. So much so I had to put pen to paper. And I think I’ve decided that in classic lawlight fashion they both are biters, but their executions are where the similarities end.

[ohitslen]

They are doing the thing

[mrgladstonegander]

when the whole squad doesnt know a damn thing

[gunsatthaphan]

not me being in a puddle of tears because Cherry Magic TH predicted marriage equality kjdhsgd help???? 😭😭😭

[iwasbored12]

the outsiders characters as silly cats

Ponyboy

Johnny

Dally

Soda

Darry

Two bit

Steve

Randy and bob

Cherry and Marcia

[astrolotte]

beginning of the episode vs the end of the episode got me feeling things man

[cherryblossomforest]

I came across a journal entry from September 2017 where I was physically reliving trauma with absolutely no memory of any abuse and I was having very bad amnesia. Way worse then anything I experience nowadays and I wonder what that's linked to. I remember being so scared and I was switching out and having full on flashback blackouts and then "waking up" just as the flashbacks stopped. It was so scary.

Another entry in September 2018 when I went back to my mother's house I was excessively cleaning because I felt so dirty and I spoke about the fact that I was remembering memories of things but then at the time of writing I couldn't remember what it was anymore but it was bad. I just remember knowing it was bad.

I think I'm having the same experience this year, the remembering and then amnesia. It's like my brain wants me to remember but then realises I actually cannot deal with it but I'm getting all the body memories and flashbacks despite not remembering and it's hell.

[syysyys]

wed 3.27.3 // chill spring studying ‎૮₍｡´ᴖ ˔ ᴖ`｡₎ა

yall love those cherry blossoms LOL but anyway today i’ve been kinda just coasting thru classes bc im excited for easter break ₊*̥(°´˘`°) i wanted to share some more cherry blossom trees around campus with u all bc its so pretty and it makes me so happy everytime i walk under them. i lwk need to lock in for physics and calc this semester but im just gonna keep being chill and work steadily

‎𓍢ִ໋🪷˚*ੈ♡⸝⸝🦢‎✎✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚📝 ‎𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡ ‎୭🗒️˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

[cherrirui-official]

New hyha looks weird, why is Salty bald??

@saltydkart-reblogs

[fizzytoo]

they finally saved enough money for their dream home! now it’s time to pack 😤

[lettucedoodles]

little guys :]