#not yet. i need a break

[leonleonhart]

i have my next rook lined up

[egophiliac]

2025 is the year of the DRAGON SLIPPERS

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Good morning, Sleepyhead.

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[soimse]

Losing the motivation to draw so here’s a Shane sketch for the hoes!!

[rocketbirdie]

i feel like i failed you.

[sydmarch]

it's really strange to me how many people I've seen say that the substance is unsympathetic towards elisabeth & disdainful towards woman in general. idk it feels to me like the movie is really explicitly not saying "silly women, isn't it stupid that they're doing this to themselves?" but "isn't it fucked up that our culture puts so much pressure on women that they feel forced to do these things to themselves?"

[captain-astors]

The Crown Prince

[gemharvest]

Hey Karl you think whenever BF or GF just hit Pico with a random hug no matter the circumstance his face just crumbles into the most vulnerable and yearning look and suddenly the hug lasts for 20 minutes because they don't have the heart to pull away when Pico lays his arms around their backs in the most gentle way possible

(id in alt - do not repost, please ask before using as icon/ banner etc.)

yeag..

Close-ups of my personal favorite shots LOL. I also really like how Boyf came out here but he's already Huge in the piece so he doesn't need a close-up.

Do you ever think BF and GF get super emotional when he's soft with them? This guy, known for his fuckin' Bite with an attitude developed partially for self-defense, melting at their touch and allowing them to see his more gentle side? Something that nobody else will ever get to see?

The demon and the rapper are nice by default. Boyf can be a bit of a menace and Girlf is not afraid to show her demonic side when necessary, but they're kind to others as a default, maybe even to a fault. Not that Pico doesn't ever show kindness to others, but he's usually prickly and standoffish; his kindness could come off in ways that read almost as passive aggression. And yet, around the two idiots (used affectionately lol) he's like putty in their hands.

Anyways idk what I'm on abt really I just think if you gave him the choice he would literally melt into their embraces. Safe, and protected in their arms; for once, he isn't the one who has to do the protecting. I think the worst part of a hug to him would be having to let go.

[willowser]

31 year old soggy loser touya that can't drive or stay out after curfew and that was released from prison 7 months ago and has to keep his job at ace hardware and has to go to his meetings and is figuring out how to both apologize and forgive and is so far behind socially among his peers because of all he had to endure during his child/teenagehood my beloved

[wigglebox]

Beach fun! 🏖️☀️

[tzarrz]

to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u

[egophiliac]

still absolutely losing my mind over Lilia

[marialouisa11]

I finished my second quilt! It's for my grandma :)

Like the first quilt I made, I just used charm packs - bundles of pre-cut fabric squares with patterns that go well together.

I used two charm packs (5" squares, not 10") from Fat Quarter Shop. Would recommend! Not expensive, lots of pretty packs, and fast shipping. The light blue and light maroon border and back are just whatever Joann printed cottons, and the binding is plain black cotton.

Using charm packs definitely made this project pretty easy. Just arrange the squares in a pretty pattern and sew them together (well, there are smart ways of doing that, and owning an iron is highly recommended, but whatever). I hand-sewed the binding this time. It was actually way easier and faster than I thought it would be.

[citrlet]

a girl, her grandma, little half-sister, and boyfriend

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

thinking about how mulder loves to get scully a gift, usually terribly heartfelt, even if disguised as something flippant:

the superbowl vhs tape he brings her when she wakes up from her coma in one breath (and her deadpan "i knew there was a reason to live")

tickets for a football game to watch together in irresistible

bringing her flowers to the hospital in memento mori (he lies, saying he stole them from a guy with broken legs to make her laugh)

the birthday keychain in tempus fugit (and when she finds a meaning to it, he claims "i just thought it was a pretty cool keychain")

that is a man who is always thinking about her.