#not wild enough to throw off my headcanons. but wild

[tqlepatia]

─ Headcanons young ambessa

Certified big spoon

Ambessa was always the big spoon, no negotiations. She loved wrapping herself around you, making you feel safe and snug. It wasn’t just a comfort thing; it was her way of saying, “I’ve got you, don’t worry about a thing.” If you ever tried to switch it up and be the big spoon? She’d just laugh and drag you right back into her arms like, “Nah, nice try, but this is my job.”

Cigarette Hater with her soul

Smoking? no. She hated the smell with a burning passion. If someone lit up near her, she’d literally wave the smoke away and hit them with a “Do you have to do that right now?” If you smoked, she’d pull some petty drama like refusing to kiss you until you brushed your teeth or popped a mint. “Kiss me when you don’t smell like an ashtray, babe.”

if mess w/you, is messing with her

She was ride or die for the people she cared about. If someone even looked at you funny or the wrong way, Ambessa was already cracking her knuckles, ready to throw hands. She wouldn’t always make a scene (unless it was deserved), but trust, she’d have a very direct convo with anyone who crossed the line. Messing with her loved ones = bad life choice.

Morning mushball

She acted all tough, but mornings were her soft hours. She’d stay in bed, groaning about “five more minutes” while pulling you into a bear hug. Honestly, it was the only time you’d catch her all cuddly and vulnerable without her usual walls up. Nights? Whole different story—she’d be all business and focus, but you could still sneak in and bug her for affection if you were bold.

Lowkey Sentimental

Ambessa had a secret stash of sentimental stuff she’d never admit to keeping. That random flower you gave her one time? Pressed in a book. A doodle you left on her notes? Saved. She wasn’t gonna talk about it, but if you ever found the stash, she’d play it off like, “What? It’s nothing. Don’t make it weird.”

Goofy, but only in private

Around other people, she was all stoic and intimidating, but when it was just you? Full clown behavior. She loved teasing you, throwing sarcastic one-liners, or doing dumb stuff like dramatically mimicking your expressions just to make you laugh. Catch her laughing at her own jokes? All bets are off.

Stubborn af

If Ambessa thought she was right about something, good luck changing her mind. She’d dig her heels in and argue for hours. The only way to win? Either outsmart her with some clever logic or just kiss her mid-rant. She’d roll her eyes and be like, “Fine, you win—for now.”

Thrived on chaos

She had this wild side where she’d do things just for the adrenaline rush. Climbing something dangerous? Breaking a rule just because she could? All in a day’s work. If you hesitated, she’d smirk and say, “What’s life without a little chaos, babe?” Then drag you into whatever nonsense she had planned.

Affection

Once Ambessa decided you were her person, that was it. She’d back you up no matter what and stand by you through thick and thin. But if you betrayed her? Game over. She wasn’t about giving second chances easily—she’d cut you off so fast your head would spin.

Loyal to the bone

Young Ambessa was basically a mix of “don’t mess with me” energy and “I’ll secretly spoil the people I love.” She’d act tough, but if you were lucky enough to get close, you’d see that big ol’ heart under all the sharp edges.

[dippindaz]

Hi! Saw you were searching for requests and was wondering if you could do one with either Eddie or Robin who’s gf is very anxious (and has ocd if you feel comfortable doing that) and how they’d handle that.

Hello! Thanks for requesting ❤️

I did both Eddie and Robin. I hope you don’t mind this in the form of headcanons, but I felt that would work best to describe how each character would act with their partner.

How Eddie Handles His Partner’s Anxiety and OCD

1. He Notices the Small Things

• Eddie has a way of picking up on your tells—whether it’s fidgeting, biting your lip, or zoning out—and he never brushes them off.

• “Hey, you okay? You’re doing that thing with your fingers again. Wanna talk, or should I just sit here and look pretty?”

2. He Grounds You with Humor

• When he sees you spiraling, Eddie’s first instinct is to make you smile or laugh.

• He might point to his Hellfire Club shirt and say, “This shirt? Magic. Guaranteed to ward off evil thoughts. It’s scientifically proven—or, you know, maybe not, but who cares?”

• Or he’ll do something ridiculous, like pull his hair over his face and pretend to be Cousin It.

3. He’s Patient During Episodes

• Eddie doesn’t rush you out of your rituals or try to “fix” anything. Instead, he sits nearby and lets you go through your process, knowing that forcing you to stop would only make it worse.

• “Take all the time you need, sweetheart. I’ll be right here, your personal rock star-slash-guard dog.”

4. He Turns Your Compulsions into Inside Jokes

• If you need to check the locks multiple times, Eddie will stand beside you and make it fun: “Alright, let’s make it official—lock patrol! I’m Captain Munson, and you’re my trusty co-pilot.”

• He respects your routines but uses humor to ease your stress about them.

5. He Creates a Safe Space

• Eddie’s van becomes your sanctuary. He keeps it clean(er) than usual for you and stocks it with things that help you feel calm: your favorite snacks, a blanket, maybe even a stress ball.

• “The Munson Mobile is always open for you, babe. It’s got snacks, tunes, and me—what more could you need?”

6. He Helps You Refocus

• If you’re caught in a loop of anxious thoughts, Eddie tries to shift your focus to something creative or engaging.

• He’ll hand you his guitar: “Here, strum this a few times. Doesn’t matter if it’s terrible—it’s metal.”

• Or he’ll launch into a wild D&D story to pull you into another world.

7. He’s Not Afraid of Vulnerability

• Eddie is open about his own struggles, so he’s not intimidated by your bad days. He reassures you that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.

• “You think you’re broken? Babe, I’m held together with duct tape and sheer willpower. We’ll figure it out together, alright?”

8. He Encourages Self-Compassion

• Whenever you’re hard on yourself for your anxiety or OCD, Eddie shuts that down fast.

• “Hey, don’t talk about my girl like that. You’re doing your best, and that’s badass enough for me.”

9. He Uses Music as a Coping Tool

• Eddie will create mixtapes with songs that calm you down or make you feel strong. He’ll label them with goofy titles like “Operation Chill Out” or “Songs to Slay Anxiety Demons.”

• If you’re really struggling, he’ll sit with his guitar and softly play your favorite songs until you feel calmer.

10. He Celebrates Progress

• Eddie is the type to throw a mini party for even the smallest victories, whether it’s getting through a tough day or trying a new coping technique.

• “You faced the big, scary world today, and you didn’t let it win. That calls for pizza—and maybe some celebratory headbanging.”

11. He’s Fiercely Protective of You

• If anyone makes you feel judged or embarrassed about your anxiety or compulsions, Eddie is quick to defend you.

• “They don’t get to decide what’s normal. You’re a freaking legend, and if they don’t see that, screw ‘em.”

12. He Never Lets You Feel Alone

• Eddie knows how isolating anxiety and OCD can be, so he constantly reminds you that you’re a team.

• “Whatever’s in your head, you don’t have to face it by yourself. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

How Robin Handles Her Partner’s Anxiety and OCD

1. She Always Notices When You’re Off

• Robin has an almost uncanny ability to sense when you’re feeling anxious, even if you’re trying to hide it.

• “Hey, your ‘I’m fine’ voice is really convincing… but I’m not buying it. What’s up, babe?”

2. She Asks, Doesn’t Assume

• Robin knows everyone’s anxiety and OCD is different, so she always asks what you need instead of guessing.

• “Do you want a distraction, a solution, or just me sitting here looking cute? I can do all three, by the way.”

3. She Makes You Laugh Through the Tough Moments

• Robin uses her sharp wit and sense of humor to lighten your mood when things feel overwhelming.

• If you’re obsessing over something, she’ll say, “Okay, if you’re gonna spiral, let’s at least make it an Olympic sport. Gold medal in overthinking goes to… you!”

• She’s goofy enough to do a silly dance or pull a ridiculous face just to get a laugh out of you.

4. She Helps You Break the Cycle

• Robin knows how easy it is to get stuck in repetitive thoughts or rituals, so she’s great at gently interrupting the loop.

• She might suggest a random, quirky activity: “Okay, this is clearly a job for us and a crossword puzzle. Let’s find the longest, weirdest word and make it our team motto.”

5. She’s the Distraction Queen

• Robin has a seemingly endless supply of ideas to take your mind off your worries. She’ll suggest watching a cheesy movie, going for a walk, or inventing new ice cream flavors at Scoops Ahoy.

• “What do you think about ‘Cherry Explosion’? Too dramatic? Okay, how about ‘Chocolate Anxiety Relief’? …Too honest?”

6. She Never Judges Your Compulsions

• Whether it’s checking locks or arranging things in a certain way, Robin never makes you feel weird or wrong. She just rolls with it.

• “Honestly? Your way is way more organized than my ‘throw everything in a pile and hope for the best’ method. Teach me your ways, please.”

7. She’s Open About Her Own Struggles

• Robin shares her own experiences with feeling different or out of place, reminding you that you’re not alone in your struggles.

• “You know, it’s not like I have it all figured out either. Sometimes I feel like I’m one awkward comment away from exploding into a ball of pure cringe. We’ll survive together, okay?”

8. She’s Incredibly Patient

• Robin understands that progress isn’t linear. If you’re having a rough day or feel like you’re backsliding, she’s there to remind you that it’s okay.

• “It’s not a setback; it’s just part of the process. And hey, one bad day doesn’t erase all the good ones. You’ve got this—and I’ve got you.”

9. She Uses Her Words to Reassure You

• Robin’s greatest strength is her way with words. She knows exactly what to say to make you feel safe and loved.

• “You don’t have to be perfect to be worth loving. I mean, look at me—I’m a walking disaster half the time, and you still stick around. So, fair’s fair.”

10. She Respects Your Boundaries

• Robin is never pushy. If you need space to deal with your anxiety or OCD, she gives it to you but always lets you know she’s there when you’re ready.

• “I’ll be in the other room, but if you need anything—literally anything—I’m a Robin-call away.”

11. She Helps You Plan for Stressful Situations

• Robin knows that preparation can sometimes ease your anxiety, so she’ll help you come up with strategies for tricky situations.

• “Alright, so if the party gets too loud, we can bail and hit the diner instead. I’ll even let you pick the playlist for the drive.”

12. She Celebrates Your Wins

• No matter how small the victory, Robin will hype you up like you just saved the world.

• “You didn’t double-check the locks today? That’s huge! I am so proud of you. Ice cream’s on me—like, literally, if I trip again.”

13. She Gives the Best Pep Talks

• Robin is a master at reframing your worries and boosting your confidence.

• “Okay, so your brain is being a jerk right now. But here’s the thing—it doesn’t get the final say. You’re stronger than it, and you’ve proven that a million times already.”

14. She Creates Little Rituals to Help You Feel Safe

• Robin loves making routines feel less overwhelming by turning them into something fun.

• “Alright, every time you check the locks, I’m gonna do a dramatic drumroll. Ready? Go!”

15. She’s Fiercely Loyal

• Robin would never let anyone make you feel bad about your anxiety or OCD. If someone said something hurtful, she’d immediately jump to your defense.

• “Excuse me, but you don’t get to talk about them like that. They’re amazing, and if you can’t see that, it’s your loss.”

16. She Loves You for You

• Robin never sees your anxiety or OCD as something that makes you difficult. She sees it as part of what makes you you, and she wouldn’t change a thing.

• “You know what I love about you? Everything. Even the stuff you think is too much.”

[live-laugh-legolas]

Do you have any headcanons on the fellowship and their sleeping habits? Who snores/kicks/drools etc? Blanket hogs, always wakes up on the floor? Is anyone unlucky enough to sleepwalk? I'm guessing poor Sam probably needs like 10 pillows to fall asleep comfortably (he works hard though he deserves it)

You always send in such fun requests! Some of my favorite headcanons I’ve done were ones you sent in <3

The Fellowship’s sleeping habits

Aragorn:

-He sleeps like a log

-Actually more like he’s dead in a coffin

-Always on his back

-Snores softly sometimes but only when he’s fully laying down

-He often sleeps propped up though to avoid this when he is in the wild

-Can’t be drawing too much attention to himself while he’s unprotected

-If he ever is sleeping on his side though he will drool

-Not a morning person by choice

-He can get up when he needs to but when he’s in the comfort of Rivendell or somewhere nice he will sleep in

Legolas:

-I think it’s so funny that elves canonically sleep with their eyes open

-And they can be walking around while doing so

-Very spooky and possibly has caused rumors among men that elves are actually possessed

-A very light sleeper because of this; but won’t wake to little sounds because he knows it’s nothing of importance

-He possibly sharpens arrows or something while “sleeping”

-Once again, very creepy

Gimli:

-He snores

-But it’s not so much loud as it is low and drawn out

-Could be mistaken as growling

-His snores also aren’t always consistent so it leaves you worried he just took his last breath before you hear him again

-Snort/grunts when touched in his sleep

-Pippin and Legolas may have made a game of lightly kicking him or throwing pebbles to see how long it takes to wake him and who can get the loudest snort

-Sometimes he sleeps on his stomach and his face is buried in a pillow and you don’t know how he hasn’t suffocated

Boromir:

-He is not good at sleeping

-And by this I mean he can never fall asleep and when he does it is interrupted

-He is very used to running on just a few hours of sleep

-That’s what coffee is for; which he drinks a concerning amount of

-He runs warm in general so he definitely sweats in his sleep

-He sometimes sleeps naked because of this but he always at least starts the night in pajamas

-Goes to bed late but also always wakes up early

Frodo:

-Can and will sleep anywhere

-Maybe this headcanon comes from the fact that apparently Elijah Wood is like this and would fall asleep if you left him alone for a few minutes

-If it’s his little cat naps he is very peaceful and just curls up

-However when he sleeps in a bed he takes up the whole thing

-Starts curled up but wakes up a starfish with his feet at the top of the bed

-Doesn’t have a consistent sleep schedule

Sam:

-Definitely needs a very plush bed if you don’t want him being a little grumpy and sore in the morning

-The type of person to judge a hotel room by the comfort level of the bed

-He sweats in his sleep but won’t leave his cocoon of blankets

-He does not move in his sleep but he definitely mumbles

-Rarely is it anything understandable

-“mmhmmmsms blueberrys hhmmmgggmmm *smacks lips*”

-Always ends up holding something in his sleep; could be a teddy bear, could be another person, could be a rabbit that just happened to hop over and get unconsciously grabbed

Merry:

-He definitely talks in his sleep

-Can vary between little mumbles to full conversations

-He occasionally sleep walks but never does anything too crazy

-More just creepy if you happen to see it

-In modern day he would sleep shop online

-He doesn’t think to check his charges to his card ever so he just gets packages of random things he doesn’t remember getting

-He always sleeps soundly and wakes refreshed and it’s annoying to everyone else; how rude of him to be so perfect

Pippin:

-Moves a lot in his sleep

-Cannot just roll over; it has to be an aggressive almost wrestling like jump

-Often falls off the bed

-Also doesn’t make his bed ever; if he grabs a fitted sheet that is too small he will just have half the bed covered

-Major blanket thief

-Will kick, slap, and lay on top of you in his sleep

-Drools a lot

Gandalf:

-He has no problem falling asleep but unlike Frodo he doesn’t get a good sleep just anywhere; he needs to be in a bed to get a good nights rest

-Scary to wake up

-Once when I woke my dad up from a nap for dinner he jumped awake and very sternly said “that was VERY rude” ; and to make it worse he listening to a movie and literally Gollum was talking in his ear; so this is where I get the “scary to wake up” from

-Anyway

-Gandalf doesn’t startle awake often but his eyes flash open and he stares into your soul

-Pippin especially is afraid to wake the wizard

-He doesn’t really snore but his nose does the little whistle thing

-Likes to cover his eyes to keep it as dark as possible; his hat, a cloak, or a fancy silk eye mask

[numberonetacostan]

homeless taco head cannons break my heart

….

so uh.

have any?

Hello there!!!!^^ Welcome, and thank you for sending in your request!!! :] YOU BET I HAVE HEADCANONS FOR HOMELESS TACO!!! I THINK I'VE SAID SOME IN VARIOUS ANSWERS/POSTS BEFORE BUT I'LL TRY PUTTING ONES I DON'T THINK I'VE POSTED BEFORE!!! YAY HOMELESS HEADCANONS REQUEST!!!!! I love getting hc requests of any sort!!!^^

-Justin confirmed from one of my stream questions that Taco had stolen food from the hotel while she was homeless!!! I definitely think she avoided doing this at all costs, but during winters when she couldn't forage much if any food from the woods, she'd sneak into the hotel at night after like, a week of not eating to grab as much as she can and gtfo!!! Normally she could probably get in and out safely, but again, she hasn't eaten in a week. I think she would get caught by Pepper, who I had mentioned in my one-hc-for-everyone post to be the resident chef in the hotel!!! It's winter so it gets dark early, and Taco has no sense for what time it is other than the sun, so she accidentally goes in too early and Pepper walks in on her raiding the cabinets. Pepper is understandably surprised, but Taco tries to deescalate!! With her current state though, it comes off more like begging Pepper not to rat her out, and I honestly don't think she would. We have a very homeless, starving, freezing, and bedraggled Taco, and Pepper just can't bring herself to do it. She just turns to whatever food she's making and warns Taco that OJ or Paper might be in the check on the meal any moment. Taco leaves and Pepper never says a word. Sorry about the Tacopep friendship propaganda but i want them to be friends.

-I think Taco would spend a lot of time in the Gemory Cave!! It's basically the only "inside" she can access for when it's snowing, raining, etc., yeah? Staying in the forest during a thunderstorm would be more danger than it's worth for her, and with all the tunnels she'd be able to stay hidden pretty well. I'd say she has a few hidey holes in there, small enough that only she and a handful of contestants would even be able to get inside, where she keeps her most important possessions. At least, what she can't hold in her shell, yeah?

-Mephone did not program Taco with the proper knowledge or skills to survive in the wild. She had to figure everything out through trial and error, including what food is and isn't safe to eat. She had a lot of miserable evenings in those early days, throwing up what little she had managed to scrounge together for a meal, hallucinations, headaches, etc., etc.

--Due to these skills though, she's kinda the MVP of the group post-canon. She's the only one who has a lot of these skills and can work successfully with only the resources they can get from the land. She keeps them from going through the same trial and error phase that she had to, especially important now that they can't recover anymore.

-I think she put the sign in front of the Perilous Forest there herself while she was living in the woods, to keep the others from coming in and finding her. What's so perilous about it? Her.

-Rather than sleeping on the ground, I see her sleeping in trees. She's a Taco, she could reasonably nudge herself into a position in which she won't fall, and at least try to fall asleep. It would be a bit risky if case she fell, but it's definitely better than the risk of getting caught unawares. I don't see her sleeping nearly enough when she's homeless, though, and post-canon when she's in the mansion she sleeps for like 27 hours straight and feels better than she has in years.

-I mentioned in another recent post Taco being afraid of snow because of past instances of severe hypothermia!!! And, yeah, if it snows, or even just gets cold enough, she's fucked. The best she has is the cave, and even then, it wouldn't help much. And she's malnourished, which makes her even more prone to it!!! She does not get proper treatment ever!!!!! I'd say she's had some very, very close calls with frostbite, maybe a rough case of pneumonia or two, more hallucinations because they're great for angst, irregular heartbeat (if they have hearts), etc., etc.

Hopefully these seven are enough!!! If you do want more, feel free to let me know!!! Headcanons are so much fun, I'm always happy to answer requests like these!!!^^

[natsuki-bakery]

⁎˚ ఎ ICP Agere ໒ ˚⁎

Could you... write a oneshot based off of the Violent J headcanons you wrote...? (Pretty Please...?)

Violent J never thought he’d be spending his afternoon this way. There were no wild shows, no Faygo showers, no Juggalos screaming his name. Instead, the house was quiet, save for the soft rustle of blankets and the occasional giggle from the living room

J looked over from the kitchen, where he was pouring apple juice into a sippy cup. The Reader, his little one, as he lovingly called you, was sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by a sea of crayons and coloring books. You were lost in your own world, coloring outside the lines with reckless abandon. Violent J couldn’t help but smile

He walked over, careful not to step on any of the crayons scattered about. He set the sippy cup down beside you, the bright red cup contrasting against the mess of blues, greens, and purples that adorned the pages of the book. "Thirsty ?" he asked, keeping his voice soft

You looked up, eyes bright and innocent. You nodded, grabbing the cup with both hands and taking a big sip. "Thank you, J..." . you mumbled, a little juice escaping from the corner of your mouth

"No problem, little homie !" J said, grabbing a nearby tissue and gently wiping your chin. "You know I got you"

You smiled, the kind of smile that could light up the darkest corners of J’s heart. This wasn’t the Violent J the world knew, the wicked clown with face paint and wild lyrics. This was Joe, the caregiver, the one who understood that sometimes the toughest people need the softest moments

"You wanna build a fort today ?" J asked, glancing around at the throw pillows and blankets scattered about. Your eyes lit up immediatly. "Yeah !" you cheered, bouncing up to your feet. J chuckled, ruffling your hair. "Alright, let’s do it !" He moved some of the furniture around, creating a space for their masterpiece. Together, they draped blankets over chairs, turning the living room into a cozy hideaway. Violent J even added a few fairy lights for extra magic, anything to make you feel safe and happy in your regressed headspace

They crawled inside the fort together, surrounded by plushies and soft pillows. You nestled up against J, your small frame fitting perfectly against his side. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you close. "Comfy ?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper

"Yeah.." you replied softly, your head resting on his chest. "You’re the best, dada J.." He kissed the top of your head, feeling the warmth of the moment seep into his bones. "Nah, you’re the best, little one. You’re my number one homie, always"

You two stayed like that for a while, lost in the quiet comfort of the fort. J put on a movie, one of those animated ones that you loved so much, and you watched together in peaceful silence. Every now and then, J would hear your soft giggles, and it made his heart swell. This was his happy place, where the world’s chaos didn’t matter. It didn’t matter who he was on stage or what people thought of him. Here, he was just Joe, a caregiver, a friend, and a protector. And that was more than enough

As the movie ended and you started to drift off, J pulled the blankets up tighter around you. He could hear your gentle breathing, feel the rise and fall of your small chest against his side. He knew that moments like these were precious, fleeting glimpses of innocence and peace. "sweet dreams, little homie..." J whispered, brushing a stray hair from your forehead. You murmured something in their sleep, snuggling closer

J stayed there, guarding your dreams like a silent sentinel. No matter how wild his world got, this was where he found his calm, a blanket fort filled with love, crayons, and the quiet comfort of knowing that, for his little one, he’d always be there.

If you're in the basic criteria , are DSMP fans, vivziep0p fans , h0tel/h3lluva b0ss fans, Owl h0use fans, St4r butterfly fans, Ghibli fans, ddlg/abdl blogs, nsfw/k!nk blogs, anti-agere blogs, or anti Christians/Christianity blogs : just dont interact !

[kxizoku-ou]

CP9 Cat Headcanons

This is... a very silly post. XD After seeing a similar concept on Pixiv (images 10–12 in this log) and critiquing the breed choices it used, I wound up writing my own take on it.

These are written with actual cats in mind (not my usual Hybrid Au), and the breed choices are just for fun— as in, largely chosen based on looks/vibes, not anything too serious. I was definitely channeling that early 2000s "characters are cats for some reason now" mini-genre, so these are pure fluff/comedy, for once... >3>

. . .

Lucci

(Bengal)

Serial toy murderer. Violently destroys any and every toy you give him within a matter of hours, days at MOST. 

Some of the things he’s done to his toys probably qualify as war crimes tbh. Likes to drown the catnip mice in his water dish. Also enjoys tearing things into ragged chunks/”gutting” the stuffing. 

Sometimes you wake up to him on your chest with a present. 

(A chunk of mutilated cat toy. He drops it onto your face.)

The most athletic cat you’ll ever know. There is no surface in your house he can’t reach SOMEHOW. Also can and will learn how to open doors, drawers, etc, and will use this unfortunate skill to get into everything if he’s bored. 

Affectionate, but only on his terms. You don’t decide when you’re allowed to pet him; when the mood strikes, he’ll interrupt whatever you’re doing and forcefully put his body in your lap. 

You’re not allowed to move until he decides you’re done. :) 

Has a surprisingly cute kneading habit. He’ll go Baby Mode and make biscuits for hours. Sucks on certain blankets too.

Kaku

(Devon Rex)

ZOOMIES TO THE MAX.

Seemingly never sits still. Will run from one end of your house to the other at all hours of the day. At night, you’re regularly woken up by the distinct rapid thumping of galloping kitty paws.

Likes high places and unexpected perching spots. This includes your shoulder— and he can make the jump on his own! 

Playful, but not prone to destroying his toys. Prefers batting hard objects down a flight of stairs to tearing the plush ones open.

Too brave (and curious) for his own good. Lacks any sense of danger when it comes to investigating something that’s caught his interest. 

This includes slipping through the front door.

Not super cuddly, but likes being near you/keeping an eye on what you’re doing. 

Has a squeaky “old man” meow. WEH!

Jabra

(Egyptian Mau)

Wild, playful, curious, and so very destructive. If he’s not kept entertained, your property will suffer for it. 

Requires FREQUENT play and attention, but fortunately, he’s not too hard to please. Throwing a squishy ball for “fetch” can keep him occupied for hours. 

The asshole cat who will make direct eye contact with you before (very deliberately) knocking something off a shelf, then sit there smugly while you try to scold him. 

Very talkative! When he wants your attention, he YELLS, and seeing wildlife outside always brings out that excited, bloodthirsty chitter. 

Taking him to the vet is an ordeal, for everyone involved...

Doesn’t mind being pet and handled. Pesters you for affection regularly, but gets bitey when he’s had enough. :/ 

Highly territorial. Will not tolerate other cats/animals near him.

Kalifa

(Turkish Angora)

Truly the embodiment of the “disdainful gorgeous fancy cat” trope. 

Her fur is incredible, due largely in part to near-constant grooming. Do NOT interrupt her washing. 

She’ll wash your fingers too if she’s feeling affectionate. Mlem mlem mlemmmm...

Likes to be involved in what you’re doing. The kind of cat to walk across your keyboard or loaf-sit on top of stray paperwork, seemingly oblivious to how badly she’s getting in the way. 

At least your “adorable secretary” makes for good moral support!

Not overly playful, but she can be a DEADLY hunter when the mood strikes— fast, agile, and with amazing reflexes no matter what kind of toy you put in front of her. 

Weirdly fickle about when you’re allowed to touch her. Will glare, hiss, and swat at fingers if you test those boundaries.

Blueno

(Norwegian Forest Cat)

The most quiet, low-maintenance, independent cat imaginable. You nearly forget he exists, sometimes.

Not much of a meower, but has a deep, calming, rumbly purr. 

Content to curl up on a chair or in a corner and let you go about your day! He’ll alternate between napping and silently staring in your general direction; the eye contact is a sign of affection. <3

Won’t seek out attention on his own, but also won’t fight it if you pick him up and carry him around like a plushie. 

...he stays limp and docile no matter what you do to him, actually.

Needs regular brushing, or his fur starts to matt. It’s pretty much the only “extra attention” he’ll require, though, and he’s (fortunately) cooperative about it. 

Learned how to open doors at some point. You don’t know how he managed that.

Fukurou

(Persian)

R O U N D (and it’s not just fluff)

Despite being shaped like a furry bowling ball, he’s quite playful, and way more agile/fast-moving than you’d expect. 

...that energy is much less cute when his full weight lands on your abdomen in the middle of the night, however.

VERY affectionate. Will take any opportunity to lay his chin on your palm, headbutt your shoulder/wrists, put his paws on your chest so he can try to lovingly lick your face, etc— purring all the while! 

Chatty cat!! Chirps and squeaks at you non-stop; if you “respond” to him, it turns into a back-and-forth conversation with his mrrep-ing. 

Fond of high places, like bookshelves and tall dressers. 

It’s unclear how such a heavy cat manages to get up onto them, but he usually ends up yowling for help when he can’t get back down.

Kumadori

(British Longhair)

A huge, massively fluffy mini-lion of a cat, with that “polite little gentleman” face common in his breed. 

Sheds. Sheds SO MUCH. All of your clothes are covered in his fur, no matter how hard you try to keep him thoroughly brushed. 

You cannot escape the fluff. 

YOWLS. The loudest, most determined drama queen when he wants something. Acts like he’s dying if his food bowl is empty for more than half an hour, non-stop howling included. 

Extremely cuddly; wants as much attention from you as you’ll give, and will flop his entire body into your lap to get it. 

Fond of jingly toys! The louder and more annoying the bell, the better. 

If you ever have to give him medicine (be it a pill or liquid), he’s utterly betrayed. Gives you the huge, sad, miserable scared-kitty eyes for the rest of the evening, and won’t let you touch him. 

(He’s over it by morning, and back to purring in your arms. Baby.)

Spandam

(Siamese)

The ugliest purebred imaginable, and his personality isn’t better. <3

Health issues. Skin/coat problems, numerous food sensitivities, arthritis, frequent UTIs, and a crooked tail from a past injury.

King of separation anxiety. If he can’t find you, he’s HOWLING, then finding a corner to cower in until his protector is back.

Truly the embodiment of the phrase “scardey cat”. Terrified of everything from the vacuum to rustling plastic bags. Huddles under the couch, trembling pathetically, after every little scare. 

...it is kind of cute when he runs to you to “save” him, however. 

This clumsy dumbass WILL get himself hurt (in incredibly stupid ways) if you don’t keep an eye on him. Utterly oblivious to real danger.

His distressed yowling is awful, and the attention-demanding yells aren’t much better. The classic So So Whiney Baby Siamese! 

NEEDS to be the only cat in the household— he’s violently territorial, but guaranteed to end up the other cat’s punching bag once he’s pissed them off enough. 

[distorted59]

HIII! I have a request if you have time, but after seeing what you did for Larsy Poo I need, - in fact, I am on my hands and knees for head cannons for James Het PLEASE 🧎🏻‍♀️

Thank you 😊 MWAH

Hey lovely!!! sorry it took a whole while, I'm finally back home and school and work are biting my ass. but, here it is!!! hope you enjoy! @buzzbuzzbowie also asked for this, thank you both! <3

Okay, so if we’re talking about 80s James, (like ‘81-’87), he’s definitely submissive asf!! he’s just… just… he was so shy and pretty LIKE SHUT UP SFKFSKSFSKJS. (he still is)

He def has mommy issues. So, he craves validation and care. Especially in the beginning, he’s still young and just into fame, could learn a thing or two. Once he gets older, more masculine, angrier and his voice deeper and deeper. He still has that need, it’s an itch no one can really scratch but you.

He was sexually inexperienced, (due to his family’s religions he had to leave health class and all that stuff). so just IMAGINE teaching young Jamie some things!!!! oml i’m melting!!!!! 

“Am I doing okay?” James pants from in between your thighs. He’s looking up at you through his bangs that are sticking to his sweaty forehead. His blue eyes twinkling with eagerness and lust.

“You’re doing great, baby.” You reassure him as you caress his hair lovingly. 

“Hmm, you taste so good.” He moans into your pussy and continues fucking you with his tongue.

Loves it when there’s a emotional connection, normally he’d fuck the shit out of girls/groupies without thinking twice. But, he loves it when he’s taken care of.

Loves the aftercare as well!! Cuddling or showering together, loves it when you wash his hair!

praising kink, mommy kink????? i dunno. I just know his whimpers and begging would be so pretty <3. 

Would get jealous pretty fast, he wants all of your attention on HIM. 

He’s also pretty protective of you, even as friends. Like, just imagine you and the bar hanging out at a bar, early Metallica days, and some guys are bothering you. This man would be prepared to throw hands. (just like he did for Larz, cuz he has a big mouth).

He has a big nose, so you can sit on it. (no headcanon tho, it’s the truth.)

He would call you all needy from his hotel room. (I see black album!James in my head). And i mean you know he’s fucking groupies, you know he is. but, he’s never satisfied, you got your fucking claws in him.

“Come on, pick up…” James mutters into the phone, he’s horny and desperate, only wanting to hear your voice.

“Hello?” Your tired voice rings through his ear.

“H-hey, sweetheart.” James stammers. “How are you? i miss you. Did I wake you?” he rushes through his words not wanting to be rude, but he is just so horny.

“hm, I’m good, baby.” you yawn. “You did wake me, but that’s okay.” 

He stays silent for a bit, he’s slowly stroking himself. Just your voice is enough to make him crazy. You can hear some hitched breaths through the phone and decide to play with him a little.

“What are you doing, baby?” 

“N-nothing, I’m just tired.” he quickens his pace, knowing what you’re doing.

“Do you miss me?” you ask, your hand wandering to your panties.

“Fuck, yes. Of course, baby.” 

“I miss you too, your voice, your touch…” You sigh. “you inside of me.”

“Oh, baby…” James lets out a strangled moan. “I need to feel you wrapped around me, I can’t take it.” 

James starts stroking his cock faster while you already have started playing with your clit. 

“Every night when I come off stage. I just think of you and I can’t….” James groans. “Can’t take it… need you here.” 

“You wanna know what I'd do?” 

“Yeah…”

“I’d ride you silly, until you’d see stars.” you moan.

“Fuck, so i can look at your pretty tits?” James gets closer to cumming.

“That’s right, darlin’.” 

“Are you playing with yourself too?” He asks, his mind is driving him wild. He is so jealous of your fingers right now. 

“Mhm.” you hum.

“Oh fuck, gonna cum, baby.” 

“Cum with me, babe.”

Both of you would cum all over yourself and say loving words to each other before falling asleep <3.

Now, if we’re talking about current James. holy fucking shit. the dilfiest fucking dilf on this fucking earth. 

His hands!!!! his fingers are super fucking skilled, this man can WORK them. stroking your hair, holding your hand, squeezing your thighs, making you suck his fingers while you look up at him innocently, lightly squeezing your throat with his other hand when you stop looking at him, finger-fucking you ‘till you cry… I can go on.

James and his cigars>>>>>>

Just imagine you sitting on his thigh, needy and desperate. He’s wearing some bootcut jeans that fit him perfectly. You’re in some comfortable pj shorts and slowly rubbing yourself on the material of his jeans. He’s really enjoying the view while smoking his cigar and puffing the smoke in your face. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” He places his free hand on your hip, secretly guiding your grinding. 

“Need more…” You whimper. “Please.” 

“Hmm… I don’t think so, baby.” he takes another drag and slowly blows the smoke in your face. “I think you can easily cum like this, can’t you?” 

He grins and holds the cigar close to your mouth, making you take a drag. You slowly inhale while maintaining eye-contact, James groans loudly and grips your hip tighter. You blow the smoke back into his face and try to kiss him. 

He gladly accepts the kiss and you can taste the cigar on his lips. You start grinding faster and moan into his mouth. James keeps guiding you and smirks up at your needy state. 

“Gonna cum all over my jeans, princess?”

He’d spoil you like crazy. You don’t want much, just him. but, he still takes care of you in every single way he can. 

 Feel like he might have a breeding kink, daddy kink and all that. He just wants to fill you all up and claim you. Mark you, show the world and everyone in it you are his. <3

 Imagine car rides with James???? I’d sell my left tit for that. (maybe not). Just a chill ride in one of his muscle cars, or his truck, love me some of that. Some music on low volume, the weather’s nice, the sun's about to set. Yes, just yes. 

Or staying at his house for dinner??? I would fucking love to chill in his backyard and he’s working over at the bbq. I just know this man can cook up a mean steak. 

Damn, now I’m hungry for James AND his cooking. 

[izelthewashbear]

Good news: we finally know why c!Martyn fell off between his win in Limited life, and then his recent placements in Secret life and Wild life!

Bad news: Not angsty enough.

Worry not, for I have already thought of three (3) alternative reasons for why Martyn fell off the way he did!

(disclaimer: this post is NOT meant to signify that Eyes and Ears is a bad AU by any means. I respect the decisions that Martyn makes (as much as I wanna toss this man into a wall sometimes), but I decided to give this one thing my own little spin, since I've already been thinking about it for a while. Enjoy!)

These headcanons are placed in a particular order: 1 fits pretty well into EaE AU and technically could be canon if Martyn likes it ig?, 2 is a pretty neutral one that could fit into any AU or interpretation (+ is the closest one to what Martyn said on his lore stream, but a little different) and 3 is one I personally use in my own AU, called Preservers AU, or The ones who watch, the ones who listen, the ones who kill AU (WLK for short).

1. Martyn got fucked up the same way Cleo and Pearl did in Double life.

While doing research into EaE and watching Limited Life lore stream a while back, one particular thing caught my attention. As you may remember, in session 6, Cleo and Pearl were absent and Gem and Lizzie came to fill in for them. I really liked what Martyn lored there - the idea that Double Life messed up with them so much (especially Pearl, but Cleo too) that even after "resting" in the eternal fuckass void that the Watchers throw them into (the void has no name, so may I propose the name I use in my own AU - The Midway, as in the middle of the way between different worlds) they weren't quite in the right mindset to enter the games again - hence, for example, Pearl talking about Tilly in ep 1 of LimL. So, their souls got snached by the Watchers, threw into the void like into a microwave when you need to heat up your food for just a minute longer, and their conciousnesses were replaced with Gem and Lizze's.

And what if the same should've happened to Martyn?

Let's be honest, winning this series messes everyone up, especially if it ends by you backstabbing the only person who was nice to you the whole season (+ some random guy who just happened to be too close to your sword). Especially if we take into account the interpretation that Martyn got briefly possessed by the Watchers as he killed them ("time is delicious" yada yada yada, we know what you are sir). I can totally believe that this win messed with him enough that at the beginning of Secret life, he was still a bit woozy, a bit disjointed. That would explain him being the first yellow, first red, as well as ending up in the bottom half of the leaderboard for the first time. Funny how he was still the only person to never fail a task, I guess even when fucked up by the Watchers he still has his 300 IQ.

But why didn't the Watchers snatch him during Secret life and put him back into the aforementioned void? Cuz they like torturing him too much and they were like "naaaaaah he'll be fineeee" (he wasn't). Or, they wanted to, but they accidentally snatched the wrong blond guy (aka Tango) (just like in Wild life, they mixed up their blondes again and got Martyn killed before Jimmy).

2. The nihilism route

Martyn's explanation during the lore stream was that c!Martyn, after he won, stopped caring about his performance and decided to chill out a bit, hence him doing worse and worse each subsequent season. But c'mon dude, where's the angst? So I propose a slightly changed version.

You go through four painful, draining, exhausting death games. Each time you die too early to reach your goal. You see your friends die, and you die painfully as well. Until one day, it happens. You win, you kill everyone. You're ecstatic, now you can fix everything, free everyone, change everyone's fate and be free-

And then you're tossed into a new game. All your happy murder time didn't matter. You're right back where you started. Not to mention, the one you were fighting for isn't around, still. So what do you do? Wallow in sorrow, of course! You're all stuck and you're all fucked! There is no escape! Nothing matters! (/neg)

So yeah what Martyn said but make it sadder

3. The Watchers hate you, personally (spoilers for my AU! + if it sounds stupid out of context I'm sorry)

(TW for body horror, oops)

So I'm no stranger to writing horrible fates to characters I really like (and unfortunately that includes c!Martyn, this guy is just too fun to mangle repeatedly). In my AU, after a win, each player is granted a singular wish from the Watchers - and that wish is twisted into a sick version, making up the new game. WLK!Martyn, the nosey bastard he is, asked to know everything about the Watchers - all their secrets, all their knowledge, how to defeat them. Watchers said "bet" and in return, gouged out his eye and replaced it with their own, "lending" him some of their powers (with the side effects being migraines, insomnia, being flashed with horrifying visions, throbbing pains in half of his skull and falling off in general). So uh yeah, guy that loses an eye in such a fashion and doesn't have any time to recover will probably have a hard time placing high again.

It could also be made into a non-WLK version where the Watchers mangled him in some other way. Sorry Listeners but you can't save your boy from that, he too far gone

So I hope you liked my little ramble! If you have any of your own ideas, interpretations or even questions lemme know, I love loring and I wanna outlore the lore guy one day :3

[diino8081]

chat what if i said i had yet ANOTHER ninjago crossover au

i already made ninjago x mcyt (mcyt in ninjago) but what if i ALSO made mcyt x ninjago (ninjago in mcyt)

i decided to spontaneously throw the ninja into the life series, specifically the newest season, wild life

the way they'd get there is through fighting the watchers. i'm not really sure why the watchers would be looking for them but it might be cause they're looking for new members and the ninja would be a fun twist.

the watchers, being the godlike entities they are, defeat the ninja rather easily; sending them through a purple portal that looks like the watcher symbol.

in the server, grian is giving the intro to the new series. suddenly the portal opens in the middle of the island, spewing the team out to the shock of the pre-existing members. those who are aware of the watchers and evo symbol are incredibly concerned.

there are introductions given and then most people scramble away and go to do their own thing, leaving the ninja, grian (who is very confused) and anyone curious enough on the spawn island.

finding nothing on why these new people are here, G tells the ninja there's nothing he can to to get them out unless they win or die. he gives them a small intro to the series and how things work and then leaves them to their own devices.

they kinda get better at the whole "world is cubes" thing and even end up punching a few trees for wood. the inventory system is a little jarring at first but most of them get used to it.

.

. .

. . .

aaaand then the wildcard hits. it's normal at first. but then they see giants in the distance and suddenly it's very much not.

it's all a bit mad really.

--

that's the end of the story part as it's getting late and i can feel my brain turning off. i'll write a few notes, headcanons and trivial things below though

i feel like at some point the ninja will get in a fight and split up

the ninja do have their elemental powers but only to a small extent

one of the wild cards, likely near the end, will grant the entire server an elemental power. (the watchers got inspired by the world of ninjago and thought it would cause some major chaos.) the elements are likely those from the characters seen in the tournament of elements/sources, though i don't doubt that the watchers may have also come up with their own. this wild card may continue beyond the session.

zane, being made out of metal, likely is able to survive quite a few hits. though i did some research and titanium doesn't last forever when faced with repeated damage. (that is if bullets hit the same spot. i feel like he'd be much more durable towards other stuff, however not immune.) he'd make it to top 3.

when the season ends everyone goes back to their world of origin. they will be summoned back to the life series world next season

wild cards can last multiple days. a week at most

in ninjago most animals like cows and horses don't exist. a lot of things are unfamiliar to them except for dragons, chickens and fish

the ninja likely made their base in the field behind ren and martyn's base or behind gem and joel's

ok i think that's it, at least for part 1. idk if i'll continue writing this but there is a good chance i will. thanks for reading

[starrayblogs]

Hey hey, first off, very excited to see someone writing for Aphmau characters!! It’s been a while since I watched my street but I will never forget how upset I was when Laurence disappeared (Goodnight sweet Prince)

As for fanfic request stuff, could you do a friends to lovers with a reader who’s super confident in everything except love? Like, knows they’re cool and look good but they’ve never really been confessed to, just something real fluffy. Not necessarily shy just not willing to risk confessing even if they know the other person feels the same (preferably fem reader)

For the character(s), if you take requests for multiple people then Cole Ninjago and Laurence MyStreet (separate) and if not then just Laurence will do :))

Any format works too, headcanons, one shot, go wild

thanks so much for the ask! this is such an interesting scenario and i had a loooooong time writing this ehe TuT

however, since the characters you requested are from different fandoms- i think i'll write the other pairing on a different post (hope u understand TmT) . also i'm soooo sorry in advance if laurence is ooc, i haven't really thought about him in a while...

anyway, likes and reblogs are appreciated! i hope you enjoy ✩

pairing: mystreet laurance x fem!reader

will include: fluff, friends to lovers

"You know what's the craziest part in all this?" Katelyn points out, drawing a circle with her index toward you.

"What?" You raise a brow, placing your hands on top of each other on your crossed leg.

"That I still don't get how you haven't confessed to Laurence." She answers quickly, and you react by immediately uncrossing your legs and throwing your hands in the air.

"It's not that easy!" You exclaim.

"How? You're the most confident person ever!" Aphmau points out from her side of the couch. "Second to Laurence, of course." She adds, which receives a collective 'yeah's and 'that's true's from the other girls.

You sigh as you slump in your chair.

It's another girls night, which means another night for updates on your crush on your close friend, Laurence. Only the girls, who are Aphmau, Katelyn, Kawaii~Chan, and Lucinda, know your crush on him.

"Seriously, you're so confident when it comes to other guys. I never thought I'd see Travis of all guys stutter when you flirted with him for a dare." Lucinda chuckles from the other end of Aphmau's couch, swirling her glass of juice.

"Because, Laurence is different..." You pause for a second before sighing again and combing a hand through your hair. "I've never felt this type of connection with anyone else, and I'm scared that if I do confess, it'll ruin the friendship I have with him." You frown as you intertwine your hands together. "I don't wanna lose him if it ends out like that."

"What happened to "don't be afraid to try new things" because you said being confident is all about being secure with yourself enough that new things don't scare you as much?" Katelyn asks, bending at the waist and propping her elbows on her thighs.

"I agree! You always say that and that's how you helped Kawaii~Chan start her maid cafe!" Kawaii~Chan smiles at you. You spare a smile before looking down to your fiddling hands again.

"Love is an entirely different department of confidence. My past relationships didn't end well, and," You bite your lip for a second, "I'm scared." Your eyes glance up to look around the room, which was filled with surprised faces from your girl friends. "I'm scared that if Laurence and I do become a... thing, that the universe is going to wreck it somehow and he'll cut me out of his life." You confess.

Aphmau gets up from her seat and ushers Lucinda to scooch to the other side before taking her seat. She places her hands on top of yours and your head moves up to meet her eyes. Her lips curl into a smile as her hand squeezes yours, giving your reassurance not only with her gaze.

"You're not going to lose him. I know Laurence is a relatively silly guy, but when it's something serious, he doesn't play around." She says softly. "He's a mature guy when he needs to be, and I can never imagine him actually hurting any woman's feelings on purpose." She adds with a light chuckle before exhaling deeply. "Otherwise, if he did, I'd have his head by now."

You comically blink at her last sentence before breaking into a laugh. The weight of the situation gets lighter, even for just this moment, and you give Aphmau a smile. "Thanks, Aph." You nod in her direction. "Thanks for being so supportive about this, girls." You turn to the other three in the living room.

"Of course, no problem!" "No biggie." "Kawaii~Chan can't wait for her ship to sail!"

Everyone turns to Kawaii~Chan with concerned looks, which she replies with a shrug. "What? Kawaii~Chan thinks they're end game!" She exclaims nonchalantly. Your cheeks flush as you try to change the topic for the night.

It was pouring down heavily today. You were outside early before the sun came up for a quick jog around the town, as you usually did. However, on your way back, you felt droplets of rain fall down on you and dismissed it for a light shower.

Now, you're stuck under a random bus stop. Turns out, you were jogging on a completely different street on the way back home. You guess you absentmindedly took one wrong turn on the way back, too busy listening to your music.

You were pretty soaked in your attire and you were started to get cold. Your phone dinged in your pocket and you brought it out, curling your hand across the top of the screen to stop the rain from straying onto your phone.

It was Laurence. He texted asking you how you were against the rain, and followed it with a picture of a flooded basement. He said his room got flooded and you snickered, typing a reply back on how only he would get stuck in a situation like that.

He replies with a few laughing emojis and you think for a while before opening your camera, taking a selfie of yourself. Your hair was wet and clinging to your skin, your clothes were also wet (even your socks), and you were pretty sure you would get sick after this.

You sent the selfie to Laurence, telling him how you're stuck outside in the rain while you were in the middle of jogging back home. He didn't reply after that and you thought it up to how he had his own problems to handle, which was his flooded basement.

You hugged yourself as you sat inside the bus stop, hoping the rain would stop. You didn't want to risk jogging back home either because you were on a street you didn't know and you were pretty sure you'd get even more lost in such weather.

You don't know how long you waited but it felt like hours.

Then, you heard your name in the distance. You turned to the direction of the voice and saw a figure far away. You squinted your eyes to get a good look on who it was, and you gasped.

It was Laurence. Running in your direction and holding up an umbrella above his head.

You can't explain how relieved you were to see him. You watched as he ran up to you and as he panted for a few minutes to catch his breath. You hoped he thought that your red cheeks were some indication of a starting fever, instead of you blushing because he was here.

"Laurence?" You whisper his name and he inhales deeply, pushing himself up from his knees.

"Are you okay!?" He exclaims, stepping closer inside the bus stop to you. "Oh my Irene, I'm so glad I found you. Come on, let's get you home." He offers his hand out and you slowly reach out for it.

Once your hand was in his, he gripped you tightly and pulled you under the umbrella. "How'd you find me?" You ask softly as you begin to follow Laurence's lead.

"Your selfie showed the bus stop map. I just had to zoom in to see which one you were at, and I came running to find you." Laurence says, like it was no big deal. Yet, you could hear your heart beating loudly in your ears as your cheeks grow redder.

"... Thank you, Laurence." You say softly, smiling towards him. He glances his eyes to you, and he smiles back.

"Don't mention it." He replies, and you almost just notice how he squeezes your hand just a bit tighter.

Laurence led you back to your house in gentleman-like fashion. You were screaming in your head the whole time the way back, but deep down you were happy. Extremely happy.

On the way home, Laurence explained that Zane somehow managed to drain the water from the basement and that's when he immediately left the house to get you.

You felt so cared for. On the way home, you would look down and stare at your intertwined hands. You couldn't believe someone would go out in the windy, strong rain just to fetch you and bring you home- and you couldn't believe it more when you remember it's Laurence who did that.

... You're almost brought to tears when you remind yourself that he's doing all of this as your friend as you come down the stairs.

When you don't notice Laurence in the living room, those thoughts are immediately reinforced. Of course, he did his job in bringing you back to your house, so what other reason would he have to stay?

"You done showering? I made some chicken soup!" A familiar voice yells from the kitchen. You hurriedly make your way there in disbelief, to see Laurence about to carry two hot bowls of soup.

"Laurence," you pause, "you're still here." You sound like you're out of breath.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Laurence comes up to you with a sided smile, nodding his head to your dining table to indicate to take a seat. "Someone's gotta take care of you once you inevitably get a fever after being out in the rain for so long." He subtle scolds you and you pout.

"I thought I could wait it out..." You murmur, taking your seat.

"Yeah, for a day, sure." He sets your bowl down in front of you before taking a seat next to you, while pressing the back of his palm on your forehead.

You quickly pull away to look down to your bowl and immediately pick up the spoon. So, you could hide your blush (obviously). "I don't have a fever, Laurence." You tell him, taking a scoop of the soup and bringing it to your lips.

Only, of course, to burn your tongue and slam the spoon back down on the table. "Hey, hey, slow down!" Laurence gets up from his seat to quickly pour you some water. "Are you okay?" He asks while you basically chug the water.

You nod your head while drinking before setting the glass down. "Uh, thank you... again." You avert your eyes nervously.

"Are you sure you don't have a fever?" He raises a brow as he returns to his chair.

"Y-Yeah! Yeah, I'm sure." You slide a hand behind your neck out of habit.

Laurence's eyes furrow and he leans in towards you. "You're lying."

"What?"

"You're lying?"

"No, I'm not." You chuckle.

"Yes, you are. You put your hand behind your neck when you lie." He states, like a matter of fact.

You blink at him with awe and disbelief. He notices the small stuff about you too.

Your mind passes to the thoughts of your feelings towards the brunette. The fact he ran in the middle of practically a storm today just to get you, the fact he remembered your small habits, and the fact that he's here. He's here and he's taking care of you.

It makes you feel warmer than the soup he made. He's always made you feel like. It's like a cozy fireplace whenever you're next to him, like you're rocking on a chair with a knitted wool blanket while holding your favorite drink.

You're at the height of your emotions and it overtakes your rationality. You inhale and blurt,

"Laurence, I like you." He blinks at your words. You clear your throat and look down, intertwining your hands to keep them busy. "I've liked you for a while, actually. A few months after we met, I developed feelings for you. I... I never told you because I was scared of losing you." You close your eyes when you feel the tears begin to well in your eyes. "I know how dumb it sounds especially because of how confident I am, but when it comes to you, I am so scared because the bond we have is so special to me a-"

You were cut off by a kiss. You open your tear-filled eyes and see Laurence's face. His eyes are squeezed shut and his cheeks were slightly tinted if you paid enough attention, and you did. He pulls away.

Apparently, he had lifted your head with his hands on your cheek and pulled you in for a cheek. "I..." He smiles as his thumb wipes the tears away from your cheek. "I like you too. For a while, now." He confesses softly. "You caught my eye the day Aphmau introduced you to us because you were so confident with yourself." He glances down to your lips before looking at you again. "At first, it was because you were beautiful," he pauses, "I still do."

You chuckle and he does too, before pulling your focus back on him.

"Then as we got closer, I thought about how much I wanted to keep seeing you... be confident." He says. "And wanted to be the one that makes you confident too." He adds, nodding his head to the side. "Of course, only if you'd let me."

You sniffle and nod your head frantically. You laugh lightly as you begin to chuckle. "Yes!" You whisper. "Yes, Laurence, I-"

He cuts you off with another kiss. Only this time, you kiss him back.

[neverchecking]

hello! would it be possible to request yandere sage to a reader who got split from the chain but has a switch with them?

I adore your headcanons for him and I honestly would just love to see some more of him, perhaps he's trying to figure out if they're yiga or not since y'know only they see him as link without zelda and they just show it off reluctantly?

SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE-YOU ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CAN.

Ahem. Yes, you very much can request my precious baby boy.

For those of you who don't know, Sage is the Hero of the Zonai, A.K.A. The Link from Tears of the Kingdom-- if we go down the route that he's a different guy from Wild. So TotK spoilers.

Anyway, look whose got his own banner! SAGE DOES-

CW: Talk of death, but nothing happens (Bc Sage won't let it happen)

He was very...unsure of you, to put it lightly.

Which was rare in and of itself since he knew most things. He knew how the Gloom hands would react should he hit them with a Dazzlefruit. He knew the exact force he would have to throw a splash fruit for it to burst in a splash of water. He knew the exact amount of force required to bend a Yiga's arm before it snaps a lot.

But he didn't know anything about you. Which put him on edge.

You came out of this weird...void thingy that he had never seen before and you dressed weirdly. You had began to call out desperately for names the second you had collected yourself (He had no clue who Wild or Twilight or Wind were, but whoever named those poor fools needed to be fired. Those names were awful.) . He watched you stumble like a newborn fawn, full of naive innocence and blind trust in the world around you.

What a fool you were.

Still, he couldn't look away. He didn't move from his place perched in a particularly tall tree, but he didn't let his attention wander from you. He couldn't. It was like you were...magnetic, drawing him in to your orbit just to keep him there.

Somewhere above him, the light dragon let out a warble. His ears flickered in that general direction, but otherwise he paid it no mind, clicking the claws on Rauru's hand against the bark of the tree.

You seemed so hopelessly lost, wandering about. It certainly didn't seem like you were the traveling type, so why you were out here, he had no idea. You would killed before long. He wondered how you would die. Something fast and quick? An electric arrow from a Lizalfos? (They had been getting unexplainably stronger now that he thought about it.) Maybe one swift hit from a Horriblin? Or maybe it would be something long and drawn out. Maybe a Frost Gleeok would freeze you so badly Hypothermia took over your limbs before freezing your lungs. Or maybe a Fire Gleeok would roast you alive before you even had the chance to register they were there. Perhaps the King himself would do both before shocking your battered form to hell and back. Or maybe the Gloom hands would grab at your flailing arms and legs, holding you still while they drained the life force right out of you.

Something full of anger lit up in his gut at just the thought of you getting hurt. He had no reason to get so livid at even a scratch on your form, but for some reason it had him snarling to himself, as if daring the universe to test him.

He wouldn't put it past Hylia at this point, that vengeful bitch.

It seemed she took his challenge to heart anyway, just as you slipped out some strange device about the same size as his Purah pad. You were so immersed in the damned thing that you didn't even hear one of the trees moving around behind you. Which was beyond him since they weren't quiet.

You didn't even look up until the shadow was looming over you and he was jumping from his tree. Riju's power sparked to life as he pulled out his bow, stunning the tree with enough power it fell with a pull of purple smoke. Something began leaking out of the discarded log, black and viscous, as it always seemed to do these days. It didn't make any difference to him, they all died the same anyway.

You had fallen onto your ass as he approached, watching him like prey would watch the predator. Nothing but wide eyes leaking with fear as he loped upon you. It made his gut swing with something foreign as he eyed you. He wasn't stupid. He knew the Yiga would go to some, frankly, extraordinary lengths to have his head on a stick. Whose to say they wouldn't set up some form of act where they attacked each other just to garner his attention?

He held out his weapon towards you, the Lynel horn glinting in the light as it prodded against your neck. You vulnerable and fragile little neck. You looked like you were about to cry at the action.

Unrelated, he pulled back just a bit. His snarl remained just the same. "Who are you?" He barked, daring you to avoid his question. Your...device was discarded at your side, which you quickly grappled onto as some form of protection. He'd have to remain weary of that. If it was anything like his Purah pad, it would be of an annoyance. Especially if you were a Yiga. They were able to replicate the Thunder Helm for Din's sake. (That was a mess and a half to retrieve.)

You swallowed hard, wincing away from him before fighting the urge to look up at him. His heart stuttered at the positively broken look you showed. You were so scared and so frightened.

He was supposed to be a hero.

(A part of him argued that he was the hero. Had been the hero. And look where it got him? Right back at the start. Fighting for his life once more. Fighting for someone who wouldn't do the same for him. Fighting for a Goddess who only used him as a pawn only to discard him when he was done.)

There was no way you were Yiga. You couldn't have been. None of them would've ever looked up at him like that. Nor could you have been a puppet of Ganon. Puppets and Yiga would burst out into an offensive attack the second they caught sight of him.

You didn't pose a threat.

But that didn't clear your name. "I asked you a question. I expect an answer." He allowed ultrahand to light up Rauru's arm in a warning red.

You blinked before shakily swallowing, holding your device to your chest. "...Y/N."

So that was your name. It was a nice name. Suited your features well and rolled off the tongue. Each syllable seemed built for your very being. He repeated it, using the tip of his weapon to tilt your chin up to face him again. That same, Goddess damned, look was sprawled on your features as he looked over you. You didn't seem injured outside of a bandaged wrap around your lower neck and left shoulder.

You had been hurt. Perhaps it was under that Wild's watch, whoever they were. They were unfit to care for you it seemed. He would happily take over if it meant you didn't get hurt any longer.

"You're...Link, right?"

He blinked, weapon staggering for a second. How did you know who he was? No one knew who he was anymore. Not without that wretched Zelda beside him, giving him a title he felt disgraced his very being. The swordsman. it was all Mineru called him and it burned something bitter in him.

He pushed the weapon further against your skin, watching it turn a harsh red before flashing to white. "What's it to you?" His teeth were bared as you tried to pull away, if only to breath just a little. He didn't let you. While it made his gut rot and knot at the thought of hurting you, he couldn't risk his own life. Not when he had a duty, Not when he had a vengeance. A vendetta.

"I can explain!" You hurriedly called, making him pull back once again.

"I would do so quickly."

You shook in your spot as your showed him the device. It seemed to have a selection of boxes, each holding a different picture. The one you hovered over read something in a language he couldn't read, but there was a picture of him. Right there. This was your explanation? It was pitiful. He almost did away with you, if only to move on, but you spoke before he could.

"You're Link. The wielder of the Master Sword. I- I'm from some other world. I, along with a group of others, are travelling to fight a dark magic that has been effecting many Hyrules across time. It's evidently effected yours." You gestured to the log, which now had an inky puddle beneath it. "We're here to help."

He pulled the weapon away, but didn't raise his glare from your form. "I don't need help."

"I never said you did." You let out a sigh full of relief. "But sometimes having someone watch your back is nice. I know you haven't had that person for you, which breaks my heart. This adventure is your second, third if we count...Ya'know..." You trailed off as his eyes narrowed. Were you talking about the Calamity? The Calamity he fell to? "You haven't had help, which I can only imagine as exhausting."

You were speaking nonsense. Nonsense that made him bubble with understanding of a sort. It was a clumsy attempt, but you were trying to offer support to him. Support he had never had previously.

He could kick his past (Three minutes ago) self for ever dreaming of hurting you, even if it was for his own personal safety. The thought of having someone offer just a tad bit of help to his battered and broken from, riddled with gloom, had him feeling a bit lighter.

He wouldn't trust you right away, he had gotten burned one too many times from doing that, but he would get you to a stable. Ensure you were safe from infection and whatever else before he made a decision regarding you and him in any sort of capacity.

Maybe take you to your group if only to see if those filth were worthy of your presence.

He would ensure you were safe in his, nevertheless. If he had to do away with the others, then so be it.

If he wanted to keep something, he would need to cling to it.

And this was just the start of his grip on you. Whether you knew it yet, or not.

[you-know-i-get-itt]

hii gia! how are you? i hope break's treating you well

can i ask about your jeaneil headcanons? you know. to expand mine. if you can and want to : )

hi tessa!! i’m doing well, i’m travelling right now :) i’m in the hills so i might actually get a white christmas for the first time in my life so that’s pretty exciting hehe. how are you?

okay off the top of my head, here:

raven neil au hcs:

(okay this got a tad angstier than initially anticipated, so proceed with caution)

1. neil gets into fights on jean’s behalf a LOT. like, constantly. because this is a neil that grew up learning to take punches and fighting to hurt (because of his father, not riko, riko’s a kid when neil gets to the nest). okay hold up i’m going to go down a very very deep rabbit hole here. okay never mind we’ll go there later (i’ll send you an ask). let’s go back to the fighting thing. neil is tiny at 16. like, 5’0 (remaining 3 inches at 17) and light as a feather because tetsuji’s main thing with neil as a backliner is speed with less focus on strength (re: the final ravens vs foxes match). he’s terrible in a fight. he can scratch and bite like a wild cat but the other backliners can literally just pick him up and throw him away, which they do. so he picks fights in jean’s defense to absolutely no avail and for literally no reason other than what did you just say to him? jean and neil argue about this frequently, but jean is both confused and horrified because 1) why would anyone fight for him and 2) maybe he genuinely mattered, and he didn’t know what to do with that

2. jean stopped fighting 2 months in in canon, right? it’s longer than that when neil’s a raven with him. it’s easier to keep fighting when someone else is there to fight by your side

3. (in a raven neil au, jean never tries to kill himself, because he wouldn’t leave neil behind and because he never feels alone enough)

4. they realised that they both find it easier to fall asleep after a nightmare if they’re in the arms of someone they trust. at first, when neil’s nightmare would wake them both up, neil would clamber onto jean’s bed and lie down with his back to the wall, and would fall asleep slowly after jean promised to stay awake to watch over him. later, when his nightmares became quieter and woke only him, he began to crawl into jean’s bed without waking him up. when he woke up one day to find jean curled around him in his, he realised that jean had quiet nightmares too

canon universe hcs:

1. the only person whose texts neil responds to regularly is jean. he does not know this. neil also does not know this (he’ll take any opportunity he can to piss jean off, and texting = talking = many such opportunities). kevin does not know this. everybody else knows and is flummoxed

2. cat finds out neither neil nor jean have every been on a roller coaster so, naturally, she puts them on one. neil throws up, jean nearly faints, both of them stumble out clutching each other and green in the face. they never speak of this again.

3. the first person (outside of andrew, ofc) that neil tells the names of his cats is jean, over the phone. jean hangs up on him and blocks him for the rest of the day

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hey, just a thought I've had about Fleur and Veela in general that's been floating in my head, and I thought you might appreciate it; I don't think Veela have hybrid offspring. Unless they reproduce asexually, there are male Veela, or two female Veela can produce an offspring, than all Veela have a non-Veela parent. The books don't really give Veela much attention, so all of that is certainly possible, but I like to consider other possibilities. We never see Fleur describe herself as quarter-Veela, correct me if I'm wrong, but it was only ever other charcters saying she was rumored to be quarter-Veela. This may be a rumor spread by Fleur's family: non-wizards aren't allowed to carry wands, at least in Britain, treating her like a witch with Veela ancestory would improve how she was treated immensely. I mean, like how parents with black hair and blonde hair wouldn't really have a child with both their hair colors. It's be whichever one is dominant. I consider Veela to be the dominant trait. Maybe all daughters are Veela, and sons non-Veela. Essentially, there is no thing as a pure Veela, or maybe, all Veela give birth to pure Veelas, and claiming a partial inheritance gives them better rights in the wizarding world. Just my headcanon I guess.

I'm not sure about that... Like, my knee-jerk reaction is that there is a difference between part-Veela and ful-Veela.

Like, the main reason I say that is that Harry has a different reaction to full-Veelas than to Fleur (and even her mother who should be a hlaf-Veela):

Looking careworn, she [Fleur] left the room. Ron still seemed slightly punch-drunk; he was shaking his head experimentally like a dog trying to rid its ears of water. “Don’t you get used to her if she’s staying in the same house?” Harry asked. “Well, you do,” said Ron, “but if she jumps out at you unexpectedly, like then . . .”

(HBP, 93)

Harry has no reaction to Fleur's Veela magic. None. Even though others do react to them. Same with Fleur's mother who Harry notes is beautiful, but he isn't reacting to the magic:

Mr. Weasley, who appeared at the gate moments later, laden with luggage and leading a beautiful blonde woman in long, leaf-green robes, who could only be Fleur’s mother.

(DH, 107)

I think that is because he's gay (or at least not interested in women). But even he still reacts to the magic of full-Veela:

But a hundred veela were now gliding out onto the field, and Harry’s question was answered for him. Veela were women . . . the most beautiful women Harry had ever seen . . . except that they weren’t — they couldn’t be — human. This puzzled Harry for a moment while he tried to guess what exactly they could be; what could make their skin shine moon-bright like that, or their white-gold hair fan out behind them without wind . . . but then the music started, and Harry stopped worrying about them not being human — in fact, he stopped worrying about anything at all. [...] And as the veela danced faster and faster, wild, half-formed thoughts started chasing through Harry’s dazed mind. He wanted to do something very impressive, right now. Jumping from the box into the stadium seemed a good idea . . . but would it be good enough? “Harry, what are you doing?” said Hermione’s voice from a long way off. The music stopped. Harry blinked. He was standing up, and one of his legs was resting on the wall of the box. Next to him, Ron was frozen in an attitude that looked as though he were about to dive from a springboard.

(GoF, 103)

Similarly, the full-Veela in the Quidditch World Cup have abilities Fleur doesn't seem to have:

At this, the veela lost control. Instead of dancing, they launched themselves across the field and began throwing what seemed to be handfuls of fire at the leprechauns. Watching through his Omnioculars, Harry saw that they didn’t look remotely beautiful now. On the contrary, their faces were elongating into sharp, cruel-beaked bird heads, and long, scaly wings were bursting from their shoulders —

(GoF, 111)

Additionally, the fact that Veela can get pregnant and reproduce with humans kind of erases the option of asexual reproduction. Yeah, I know they're magic, but if they didn't need to get pregnant the regular human way for the continuation of their species, they wouldn't be capable of it (especially as the Harry Potter version of Veela aren't immortal like their folklore variants). So, that brings us to the lack of male Veela.

You are right that male Veela are pretty necessary to have a difference between full-Veelas and part-Veelas. While the Harry Potter books don't really give an answer regarding Veela reproduction, I went to the mythology JKR based on them.

"Veela" is an Anglicized form of the name "Vila" which is a fairy-like spirit from Slavic folklore portrayed as a nature spirit like nymphs in Greek Mythology. Both nymphs and Vila are portrayed as only women, but they are also portrayed as minor deities, as immortal and eternal like the nature they represent with abilities the Harry Potter Veela do not have. Veela very in mythology quite a bit but they tend to be shapeshifters often living in a water source. Regardless, they are only female in myth as well and I couldn't find anything about their births. I found one source that claimed a child of a Veela and a human man would be a half-Veela but it didn't discuss how full Veela came into being. Since the mythology Veela are immortal spirits of nature they are born out of trees and rivers, representing nature itself. So, unless this is the case in Harry Potter (I don't think it fits the worldbuilding much) this front didn't give us answers.

So, I went to Bill and Fleur's wedding to see if I could spot a potential male Veela or male part Veela. And the answer is I couldn't. It also seems like all part-Veela share the same hair, eyes, skin color, and general appearance regardless of who the father is, so you are right about the Veela gens being the more dominant ones (Fleur and Gabrielle are both described with silvery blond Veela hair like their mother, even though their father has black hair and is described as plump).

So, yeah, speaking of the info we have in canon it's actually possible part-Veela don't really exist and that Veela can just choose to activate their charming magic in a more active way (that affects Harry, like in the Quidditch World Cup) or not and remain with just their passive charm (that doesn't affect Harry). But this doesn't really give an answer to the extra abilities full-Veela seem to have that part-Veela don't.

Another issue I have with this theory is that if Veela were indeed born this way for centuries, there is no way anyone would believe Fleur is a quarter-Veela. I mean, wizards are dense often enough, but I don't think they are that stupid. They would know how Veela reproduce and then not believe said rumors.

I think JKR just didn't think through all the implications of how she portrayed Veela...

Point is, your headcanon is possible, and you can headcanon it but I personally prefer to think of Fleur as a quarter-Veela and believe male Veela do exist. Because they do sorta exist in myth.

There are Näcken from German and Scandinavian folklore that are shapeshifting water spirits that are portrayed as handsome men, they occasionally lure people to their deaths and occasionally fall in love with human women and go live with them. The Näcken in Scandinavian folklore are always portrayed as male. In German mythology Nixie or Nixe can be either male or female from what I read. So, male Veela could exist and just potentially be known by a different name with slightly different abilities.

I mean, the Veela in Harry Potter attract people with dancing and music, the Näcken plays the violin to lure people to drown. Both are shapeshifters that are spirits of nature (Veela in various locations: forests, air, and water while the Näcken are only associated with water). Both are sometimes malevolent and sometimes helpful to humans. There are a lot of similarities so I like to headcanon them as sorta of the same species but with different typical appearance and name, hence the confusion.

So in a sense, there are no full-Veela males, but the other similar creatures, Näcken. Now, I'm not sure if half-Veela and half-Näcken would be the same or different, but that's a whole other discussion and goes more heavily into my headcanons.

I can't speak to what JKR intended, but your headcanon is possible. I just prefer to imagine "male Veela" and "male part-Veela" are out there somewhere (the quotation marks because they use a name that isn't Veela, the full ones at least).

[zetchrr]

BG3 Tav Backstory Bash

This is a challenge to help people flesh out their Tav’s backstory by exploring their past. It is organized into four sections with seven prompts. You can treat this as a monthly challenge or a general project. You can write headcanons, fics, or share art based on the prompts! You can interpret the prompts however you want. If you want to share use the tag #bg3backstorybash

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Baby

Parents: So, Ka'zalii has no knowledge of who laid his egg and he's not really interested at this point in his life. His parent is still alive, raiding on the other side of the astral, a sorcerer who got entangled with abberant magic years ago.

He is the spitting image of Ka'zalii, if they did ever meet, they'd know instantly they were related. Birth: Straightforward egg hatching, on time, chomped and clawed his way out with no problems. First word: Knowing githyanki, probably a swear or a battlecry. Overheard from a raider arguing with the varsh or something probably. It's a marker of strength in your alien toddlers when they start swearing. When they first walked: I get the impression with githyanki that they're getting around by themselves pretty quickly. With how big those eggs are when they're about to hatch, they're strong enough to get moving straight away. So, his first little wobble around was under the encouragement of the varsh to throw themselves at each other and get clawing. Tantrum: I'm using my own toddler as a gauge for this because I picture Ka'zalii being similar. Chill as fuck most of the time, but explosive when a tantrum happens. Thankfully, this is before any magic manifests but still, tiny ball of frog rage over something so trivial. First sickness: It's more likely an injury than a sickness I think and probably a bite from a clutchmate. Thunderstorm: Immediately loves them, absolutely mesmerized by them. Not that his creche experienced them on its asteroid, but they can see them on the planet below and feel the atmosphere of them.

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Childhood:

Friends: There were two clutchmates he got close to early on, but the sa'varsh put a stop to that very quickly. Sabotaged their friendship quite expertly and encouraged them to fight each other often. Ka'zalii ended up in a fight to the death with one of them not long after. One of them still lives as a m'lar in Tu'narath. Siblings: He has one sibling from the same parent, but neither of them know they're related. They're called Vel, a psionic warrior. Currently off on their own insane adventure. If they ever reunite, they'll both have endless stories to tell. Getting into trouble: Frequently. When his wild magic manifests, he's causing chaos accidentally quite a lot. Undisciplined and volatile magic that his sa'varsh takes as a personal slight.

There's a few instances of sneaking around the creche and getting into rooms he's not supposed to be in too. This ends up being how he finds out he's fated for the next culling. Games: He learns card games and dice games from the older gith when he's a bit older. When he's small, games mostly consist of wrestling and fighting with clutch mates. Learning something new: Swordsmanship, his magic manifesting and learning to combine the two in battle. He took to his magic much faster than a blade, but while swordplay could be controlled and disciplined, his magic was definitely not. Trauma: The events that are the most vivid in his memory involve his magic. His magic being wild meant it was out of control often and undisciplined. His sa'varsh treated this as deliberate defiance and punished him for it. The scars on his back are the only scars he'd be rid of if he could. Obviously, this did nothing to help him learn to direct the surges, it just taught him to anxiously avoid using spells as much as possible.

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Teenager:

First love: Aside from a bit of experimenting and post battle relief, the first real connection he had to anyone was to Zeth. A ranger around his age, met after leaving his creche. They're still inseparable and when Ka'zalii becomes kith'rak, Zeth serves under him (huhuhu) as sarth and skilled assassin. Rebellion: Goes without saying really. Small acts of defiance throughout his teenage years unfortunately got him noticed as a problem. Such as sneaking into rooms with various records and going through them. His name ended up on the list for the next culling, leading to his departure. He was recruited to the Sha'sal Khou not long after leaving his creche. Running away: Ran away from his creche at around 17. His name was recommended for the next culling, the final push needed to persuade him to leave. He spent a few years assuming he was being pursued and didn't stay put for long. It led to his recruitment and meeting people who would become extremely important connections over the years. Reckless behaviour: So much so. Whether it's a side effect of his wild magic, or simply his nature, he never could quite decide. But he gave into the impulses often and with wild abandon. (He still does, much to the dismay of everyone around him, except Dahlia.) The time away from his creche, on the planet it orbited, were treated as opportunities to just unleash all that pent up stress and fling spells without fear of consequences. For the most part. Anything dangerous, with small odds of success, he was drawn towards. Peer pressure: There was a lot of pressure from his instructors, from the older warriors and from his clutch mates to gain control of his magic. It had the opposite effect if anything, you can't beat the wild magic out of someone, despite his sa'varsh's efforts. Growing pains: He ended up being 6'1" by the time he stopped growing, so he had plenty of this. Not that it was really acknowledged, endure and bear it like any good githyanki should. You take growing pains to a ghustil, you get laughed out the door. Taking responsibility: From an outside perspective, he took responsibility for his own life fairly early on, after leaving his creche. But from his point of view, he ran away from his responsibility to follow the path chosen for him. Instead of forcing his magic into cooperation, he failed and chose to evade his own death. Eventually, he views his departure as something he had to do to survive, but it takes him years to get to that point.

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Adulthood: Their "first time": Some time after leaving his creche, he ends up with an astral pirate crew and stays with them for a while. He ends up in a bit of a thing with the captain, who likely takes advantage of his desperate situation a bit. It isn't long before he finds a better place among a mercenary crew of kin. Serious relationships: I went into this a bit before, but Zeth is his first 'serious' relationship, as serious as gith get. Then it's an open relationship with each other and others as flings and post battle relief, until he meets Lae'zel. They start out as a fling, until not long after the second time they sleep together, he looks at her and has an oh fuck moment. He is catching feelings and that's bad. Keeps it as quiet as possible, but is not subtle at all, the others notice immediately. Cue relentless innuendos from Astarion and Shadowheart and endless encouragement from Karlach. Then the act 2 romance scene happens, dramatic duel where he gets absolutely flattened and loves every damn second of it. He worships the ground she walks on, he'd follow her anywhere. Work: There are some short lived piracy and mercenary jobs while he finds his feet. Then he gets recruited by the Sha'sal Khou and dedicates himself to it completely. Spy work, sabotage, the odd bit of assassination, disguises, eventually awarded the title of kith'rak and has his own little outpost and circle of kin he trusts utterly. Leaving home: He left his creche while he was still a teen, but it affected him for many years after. He doesn't really start confronting it until his time on Faerun and the whole netherbrain ordeal. Wyll is the one to break through the githyanki exterior and get some stories out of him and when Shadowheart shares her wolf memory, he shares one of his own memories in return. Aging: Age is a weird one for him. He's spent a lot of time on the astral plane, so he only counts the time he spends on the material. By the time the netherbrain is defeated, that amounts to around 28/29 years. But it has been 248 years since his hatching on the asteroid his creche exists on. Finding your place: The Sha'sal Khou was the first real purpose he felt he belonged to, but he refuses to think about how much of that was recruitment tactics. They got him when he was young, vulnerable, essentially homeless, easy target. He starts to question his place and the goals of his organization after becoming aware of the teachings of Orpheus and especially after actually meeting him. Lae'zel's conviction helps him analyse things a bit more closely, I imagine they had many a late night discussion in camp about it all. He confides in her often in the end. Eventually, he does defect to Orpheus' rebels, envisioning a civil war coming after Vlaakith's demise. There's also the couple of AUs for this version of events with Dahlia (@corvitine) being a catalyst in one timeline and Vanquish (@des-no9) being the catalyst in another. Starting a family/found family: Found family first of all. He doesn't realize this, but he has a lot of people around him that he should rely on. His inner circle that follow him to the rebels when he leaves: Zeth, Ka'a'dith, Ralith. The friends he makes in Faerun, all of the companions, they all keep in touch with each other I like to think. I also hc he goes back to Y'llek to get Varrl out of there, whether they have a sibling relationship or not, I haven't explored yet. He and Lae raise Xan and he has two eggs himself afterwards. In the Dahlia timeline, he ends up with a huge extended family from her, they end up with a sibling relationship and are absolute menaces together. They are the perfect reckless jigsaw pieces to each other. In Vanquish's timeline, he ends up with Lae a bit later, but he clicks with Van so quickly. They are also a nightmare together for anyone around them and it's great. ───────────────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.─────────────────

[who-knew-a-sheep-can-write]

Chris Redfield x Werewolf!Reader Headcanons

I went with headcanons because my brain is fried anon, I'm sorry

I'm greened out but I always provide angst

🌙 First Jill went missing all those years ago only for him to find her under Wesker's sick control. And now you? The second he heard it over his radio he wanted to throw the absolute fuck up. He almost swallowed the freshly lit cigarette whole.

🌙 He's had so much ripped from his life, he's not going to let you be one of them. He briefly thought back to Piers, the haunting memory halting his moves as the rest of Hound Wolf pulled him back to reality.

🌙 He searches harder than he searched for Jill, if that was even possible. It's not like anyone is going to say shit to the walking embodiment of a brick on steroids.

🌙 Claire is the only one who could talk some sort of sense into him, even if it was small. She stopped him from stuffing his pockets full of bullets and strapping as many guns to his person before taking off to some random and minuscule bit of information. Even then, Chris finds it hard to stay calm as his little sister tries to calm him down enough to sit and think things out.

🌙 He's normally so good at planning these kinds of things. He learned so much from trying to find Jill that it almost makes him feel insecure that it happened to him once again.

🌙 He often sits up late at night waiting and praying for his phone to light up whether it be a call or text or email. He yearns to hear his phone go off, to feel the burn in his eyes for the light to cut through the deep night that overtakes the too-empty bedroom. He leaves his ringer volume up at the maximum so there's no chance of him sleeping through it. And one night, it finally does.

🌙 He's out of bed and geared up in a matter of a few minutes. He's deathly silent the entire transport ride, the thoughts running millions of miles an hour in his mind had him grinding his teeth. He was smoking up a storm too, as soon as one cigarette burned out he pressed another one to his lips and lit it. It worried the rest of Hound Wolf to see him like this.

🌙 He lead the charge. He wasted no time, kicking door open with his heavy boots and sweeping the rooms with his finger on the trigger. His eyes were wild and tactical as he looked over the strangely wrecked rooms of the facility. It was all so odd that the place was seemingly abandoned overnight, coffee cups were half drunk, computers were still logged into, even some doors were left unlocked that normally would need keycards to open.

🌙 He found you in a room towards the back of the facility. His blood ran freezing cold in his veins upon first glance. You weren't moving. Against his better judgment, Chris approached you quickly and felt for your pulse only to be startled when you jolted with life. You looked like you had been dragged through hell as his eyes scanned your body for all of your injuries.

🌙 His heart broke upon seeing all of the deep bruises and the puncture wounds from where they experimented on you like you were a B.O.W. It suddenly struck him like lightning as the rest of Hound Wolf filed in, a few checking the computers and files around as one of the medics hovered over you. What exactly were they pumping you full of?

🌙 He read the files on the transport back, occasionally looking over at you as you laid near motionlessly as the medic worked over you. Your files contained a lot of familiar elements from Romania with the lycans. He knew what you were now, closing the files and sorrowfully looking back at you. He knew for a fact he couldn't bring himself to put you down, you both have been through so much together.

🌙 He fights to keep you alive, and somehow, it works. Of course, there's the heavy restrictions and looming knowledge that if you even put one claw out of line that it would end horribly. But Chris is determined to never let that happen. His nerves ease when it comes to light that you're different than the lycans from Romania, only transforming during the night of a full moon.

🌙 He's there for you before you turn, often in the room with you despite the protests of the others and even you. He'd be damned if he ever left you alone.

🌙 He's helping you attach the shackles and whispers to you sweet nothings while doing so. He's not the best with words but he's determined to do his best.

🌙 He's always so hesitant to go when you do start to turn, often pausing before the door as he weighs his needs for survival and the need to be by your side during a horrible time like this.

🌙 When he does eventually close the barricaded door behind him, he's immediately looking at the screen displaying the horrors going on inside of the very room he was just in. While others reel and turn away during the initial transformation, Chris stomachs it and watches closely for any signs of something going wrong.

🌙 He would often sit at the door, his back against the metal as you snarled and tore apart the room on the other side. A cigarette between his teeth was lit and he would find himself talking just to fill the void when you would get too exhausted to fight against the chains. It was his way of still treating you like you were human, even now. He would talk about whatever came to his mind; What bullshit paperwork he had to do earlier, what Claire brought up on the phone, something stupid he overheard in the locker room.

🌙 You would always wake up in the morning with the chains already off and a thick flannel blanket draped over you, a comfy pillow tucked under your head and Chris sitting right next to you waiting patiently. He always had a bottle of water fresh from the fridge, a protein bar or two and a few painkillers at the ready along with a change of clothes.

🌙 Chris is sure to clear out your schedules for the rest of the day. Your body and your mind both just went under a horrible amount of stress and pain, you need to rest. He'd rather go face-to-face with Wesker again than see you struggling around the house the day after, especially for things so basic like water or food.

🌙 He often likes to carry you inside your shared home despite your weak protests. He's a pretty strong guy and his mind is even harder to break at times, so there's no convincing him to stop and put you down. He always carries you straight to bed and lays you down comfortably and stays by your side until you eventually drift off.

[sameschmidtdiffname]

MORE EPISODES OF MORNING WOOD (affectionate and also no pressure)!!!!

[The chorus to Chappell Roan's old classic 'HOT TO GO!' Plays over the title card of a green neon sign,

Morning Wood!

Hosted by Johanna Mason & Peeta Mellark

[[This is a crack fic based off of my Chaotic Hunger Games Headcanons that I've created in collaboration with @waywardangel-wilds and @triassictriserratops. This is not meant to be taken seriously or stick closely to canon. Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, and please enjoy the show.]]

In the background you can clearly see Johanna forcing a cheap, foam parrot with bright feathers falling off of it the more Johanna fiddles with the item, trying to attach it to Peeta's prosthetic leg that sits on top of the wooden desk that they sit behind meant to look similar to the news anchors on Capitol News Nightly. Johanna and Peeta are both wearing heart shaped sunglasses and obnoxious fur coats despite it being July. Both items are in their respective favorite colors, orange for Peeta, and the most obnoxious pink for Johanna. No one knows if she prefers this color or if Peeta just detests it so much she enjoys annoying him with it.]

Peeta: (Amused with Johanna's efforts, hands in his lap in a pompous manner.) Having fun, Jojo?

Johanna: (Clearly irritated, the cursing under her breath becoming more audible as the intro music begins to fade away.) It's this fucking material, the plastic is too smooth. (She gives up, throwing the cheap parrot at Peeta and smacking her hand against the table to rid herself of the bright feathers that stick to her skin. After a few beats she gives up, accepting them as a new part of her look while turning to face the camera.) Good morning, New Panem, and welcome to another episode of your favorite show hosted by the hottest prostitutes you know, 'Morning Wood!'

[Peeta blinks quickly as he processes Johanna's words, opening his mouth to respond but being cut off before he can.]

Johanna: I'm your host, Johanna "Don't Call Me Jojo or I'll Kill Your Fucking Children" Mason. (Turning her swivel chair towards Peeta, addressing him directly while keeping her mouth close to the mic.) I'm serious. I've done it before, I know how to murder people.

Peeta: (Looking at her blankly as though she's slow.) Yes, Johanna. I know.

Johanna: Yeah.

Peeta: That was how we met.

Johanna: I just wanted to make sure you knew that you were in a room with someone that has a body count.

Peeta: We- (He sighs shortly.) We both have a body count.

Johanna: Who the fuck is We?

Peeta: We literally-

Johanna: Who the fuck did you kill?

Peeta: I-

Johanna: Two grown ass men who'd lived their lives?

Peeta: (Unsure.) Pr- probably? I don't- do you-

Johanna: Literally doesn't count.

Peeta: (Visibly irritated.) How-

Johanna: Anyways. Now that we've discussed Peeta was somehow in the Hunger Games and so undesirable that literally no one wanted to get killed by him. (Johanna leans into the mic.) Couldn't be me.

[Peeta throws his hands up into the air as though to say he gives up, then glances at the camera, glaring over his rhinestoned glasses while pressing his lips into a thin line. He is obviously unamused.]

Peeta: (Looking behind the camera to shift his glare despite no one being there.) I'm not a prostitute, by the way.

Johanna: (Turning towards him.) That ugly?

Peeta: (Turning his chair back to hers again.) Ugly enough to be put into a political marriage while your ass was working the corner in that cheap ass coat.

[Johanna's jaw drops, her glare hard as she tries to think of a response. Peeta smirks smugly, turning back to the camera and lifting his glasses to rest on top of his head while he speaks, unfazed.]

Peeta: It's Tuesday, July 2nd today, meaning that Thursday will be July 4th. Tell me, Johanna, can prostitutes do the math to tell me what that day means?

[Peeta glances at Johanna, who is still stunned by his previous statement. Peeta doesn't offer her a chance to respond, quickly looking back to the camera to continue speaking.]

Peeta: Didn't think so. July 4th used to be Reaping Day, a day known to many people including Johanna and I as what used to mean worrying for ourselves, our loved ones and our community.

[The tone has turned slightly serious. Photos from before the Revolution of children from ages 12-18 crowded in front of their Districts Justice Hall fade in and out on the screen, Peeta nor Johanna speaking for a moment as they themselves watch and remember.]

Johanna: (Starting to gather her bearings.) Unless you're Peeta. Then it was a fucking speed dating event.

[The photo montage ends, revealing Johanna smirking at Peeta, who once again looks slightly unamused.]

Peeta: Yeah, well. Who's strategy got who into sex trafficking?

Johanna: Who's strategy had who crying like a little bitch in front of Panem because they couldn't handle stabbing a couple kids?

Peeta: (Furrowing his brows in confusion.) Yours.

[A new image is displayed on the screen, a semi-blurry screenshot from the news footage of 16 year old Peeta Mellark visibly crying as he is escorted to the train station after his first reaping. A crying baby sound effect plays over the image, muffling Peeta's vocal protest in the background. The image fades away, showing Peeta now looking at Johanna with one hand raised in self defense.]

Peeta: I was sixteen, I thought I was gonna die!

Johanna: And yet, you were ugly.

Peeta: That... whatever, you're distracting me. (Turning back to the camera.) Go away.

[Johanna smirks to the camera, chuckling as she shrugs like she knows she's won. She has.]

Peeta: Reaping Day. Jesus. Got me off track, someone fire her.

Johanna: Speaking of firing, someone needs to do it to this genius who thought it was an awesome idea to turn the Mockingjay's memoir, published only last Memorial Day,- (She turns to Peeta for a moment, stage whispering into the mic.) That's what it's called now.

Peeta: (Stage whispering into his mic as well.) I know.

Johanna: (Turning back to the camera and speaking at normal volume.) -Into a-

Peeta: (Still whispering.) I was there when they named it.

Johanna: (Not acknowledging him.) Into a-

Peeta: You'd know this if you'd fucking show up to something.

Johanna: (Stiffling a laugh, trying to look irritated.) I was busy that day.

Peeta: Being a loser.

Johanna: (Starting to crack.) I was fucking your wife.

Peeta: My wife was with me, Jojo. (They're both starting to laugh now.) Pick another struggle.

Johanna: I was...

Peeta: Uh huh?

[They both laugh loudly, Johanna obviously a bit embarrassed.]

Johanna: I was... hungover.

Peeta: (Surprised.) You were hungover?

[Johanna looks at him meekly, hiding her smile behind her hand as she nods. Peeta looks at the camera, jaw dropped.]

Peeta: You missed a government official announcement because you were seriously hungover?

Johanna: Listen! Listen, I never said I was perfect.

[Peeta nods as if to say 'no shit.' Johanna laughs again, pushing his leg off of the desk, accidently kicking her mic off and cursing loudly as she bends over to grab it, Peeta laughing at her struggle.]

Peeta: (Looking at the camera and gesturing at Johanna, making no effort to help her.) New Panems favorite podcaster, everyone.

[Johanna flips him off, then ignores his returned bird as she sits back up, still cursing as she reconnects the wire to her mic.]

Johanna: Fuck off, brainless. I'll still kill you.

Peeta: (Still laughing.) You said the same to Enobaria and look what happened- she was at the announcement.

Johanna: (Ignoring him.) Anyways. Some genius looked at Katniss Everdeen's memoir series and decided it was the perfect material to turn into a fucking opera.

Peeta: (Regaining his composure, scoffing.) Is that even legal without the copywrite?

Johanna: Well, it's technically not based on the books and is a (Air quotes.) "re-telling of historical events," so despite it being eerily similar to your wife's novels, yeah. He's in the clear.

[Peeta shakes his head, rolling his eyes.]

Peeta: You know, these people are the same ones who wonder why we don't even share our kids names publicly. If we did, there would be cocktails named after our kids or some bullshit like that.

Johanna: Some bar, or something.

Peeta: Yeah, or an amusement park. (Peeta begins to give an example, then cuts himself off as he realizes that would reveal his daughters name.) Anyways. You're lucky we let you know what they look like.

Johanna: And that's just description. You guys have never published a photo of your children or allowed someone else to publish a photo of your kids.

Peeta: Fuck no, people are crazy. You as a primary example.

[Johanna shoots him a grateful look, mouthing 'thank you' before making a heart shape with her fingers. Peeta returns the gesture.]

Johanna: But speaking of crazy people, I have an inside source who was given an early access, exclusive ticket to last night's closed dress rehearsal, and they stayed up all night writing a very thorough review on their thoughts and what takes place within the show.

Peeta: Johanna, that inside source was you. And the only thing that note says is 'BAD' in capital, red, comic sans font.

[Johanna sets the note down, glaring at Peeta. Beat.]

Johanna: You ruined my bit.

Peeta: All of the surviving Victor's were invited to the show last night. You're just the only one who went.

Johanna: (Rolling her eyes.) Whatever. (She crumples her paper, throwing it over her shoulder before resuming the story.) So, I went to the Capitol theatre last night to watch the show, and- oh, first off, if the background looks off, we're literally in a Capital hotel room right now.

[Johanna pushes at the green screen, trying to reveal the mahogany wall of the hotel behind it and failing. Peeta watches with a blank stare.]

Peeta: Wow. Impressive. But yeah, no. Jo asked for a podcast room to film this today and the hotel was very gracious to accommodate us, they even had a desk similar to Jo's. So, thank you to The Capitol Jewel for being so wonderful.

Johanna: (Giving up, letting the crumpled greenscreen remain disheveled while she sits back in her chair, rolling her eyes at Peeta.) You sound like you're giving a Tribute Interview with Flickerman right now.

Peeta: (Laughs.) Do I? (He shrugs, smiling.)

Johanna: Anyways, yeah. No one else wanted to go to the show, but I wanted to see how bad they fucked up our characters in this and everyone else wanted a fucking holiday, so here we go.

Peeta: Except for Haymitch.

Johanna: Oh, yeah. Except for Haymitch, he's at home fucking his wife.

Peeta: (Waving his finger in correction.) Not wife. They are very insistent that they aren't even dating, let alone married.

Johanna: Oh, whatever. That sounds like you and brainless before you got mushy brained by Tracker Jackers in the war.

Peeta: (Laughing.) That's because it is me and Katniss before I got mushy brained during the war. (Addressing the camera.) She and Annie are out right now having a girl's day at some local spa. So no live Katniss messages during th-

[Peeta cuts himself off as his brows furrow. He reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone, checking to see what his notification was.]

Johanna: Yeah, that's your wife telling you to shut the fuck up before you say where they're at for some mob to harass them.

[Peeta quietly nods, his face slowly turning red as he puts his phone back into his pocket, avoiding eye contact for a brief moment as Johanna laughs.]

Johanna: Anyways, they actually did name your kids during the show last night. They were, of course, in the finale.

Peeta: (Raising a brow.) Oh?

Johanna: I want you to just take a wild guess what their names are.

[Peeta narrows his eyes at Johanna for a second, clearly unsure of where this is going.]

Peeta: It isn't their actual names, is it?

Johanna: No. No, God no. I would've told you privately if it was so you could sue the shit out of them. No, they guessed.

[Peeta pauses for a second, contemplating.]

Peeta: Probably... hmm. (He seems unsatisfied with his own guesses.)

Johanna: Take your time.

Peeta: See, the problem is this is the Capitol. So, it could range from something really stupid to something oddly sentimental.

Johanna: (Nodding.) Yeah.

[There's another long pause.]

Johanna: Should I do today's sponser while you contemplate your options?

[Peeta hesitates, scratching his beard as he thinks, then sighs and nods, waving his hand to give Johanna the go-ahead.]

Johanna: Alright! Well, while brainless here tries to use what little thought he has left here, let's hear a word from today's sponser.

[Johanna reaches under the table, grabbing and then placing a giant, cloaked object on top of the desk. Peeta raises his brows in surprise, then laughs loudly as Johanna tears away the cloth covered box to reveal nothing.]

Johanna: The Capitol Jewel!

Peeta: (Surprised.) No kidding?

Johanna: They nearly shit themselves when they found out four Victor's and their kids booked their vacation here, you're seriously surprised?

[Peeta shrugs to himself, nodding and allowing Johanna to continue. She doesn't. Instead, she stares silently at the camera, prompting Peeta to raise his brows in curiosity.]

Peeta: You good?

Johanna: (Breaking eye contact to look at Peeta casually.) Yeah.

Peeta: You don't have anything else to say about the sponsor?

Johanna: No.

[There's another moment of silence as the two stare at each other, unblinking, before Peeta shrugs and brightly says 'Okay' before turning back to the camera. He then pauses, realizing his next statement is meant to be directed at Johanna instead.]

Johanna: (Clapping her hands together.) Okay! So. Guesses.

Peeta: Give me a range.

Johanna: Of crazy?

Peeta: Yeah.

Johanna: (Laughing.) That's cheating.

Peeta: No it isn't! Not unless it's something insane like- like fucking-

[Johanna watches Peeta, her brows raised and lips split in entertained anticipation. Peeta raises his own brows, then furrows them. His expression turns somewhat serious, as though he doesn't want to speak the next part.]

Peeta: Johanna?

Johanna: (Barely holding back her laughter, her cheeks turning bright red. Her voice cracks as she speaks.) Yeah?

Peeta: What the fuck did they name my children?

[Johanna places her hand over her mouth, stifling her laughter that involuntarily escapes. Peeta watches her through narrowed eyes, his expression reading as unsure if he himself is entertained by this or not.]

Johanna: (Finally composing herself, taking short breaths in to calm her laughter.) Okay, okay. So. (She swallows.) So, one of their names is fine. Kinda cute, kinda sweet.

Peeta: (Nodding.) Okay.

Johanna: They named your daughter Rosalie Prim Rue.

[Peeta processes this with obvious facial expressions, at first thinking it sweet, then furrowing his brows at the odd mash up of names.]

Johanna: (Raising her hands slightly as if in defense.) I said 'kinda.'

Peeta: (Nodding, still mulling over the name.) You did say kind of. (He pauses for another moment, staring at the table as he finishes his thoughts.) It's not bad. We wouldn't have had an emphasis on rose. But it's not bad. Decent guess.

Johanna: No, it's not bad. It's obviously a sweet tribute.

Peeta: Right.

[It's obvious as they murmur their repeated agreements that there's more they'd like to say, but for the sake of privacy decide against it.]

Peeta: Okay. So, my son's name?

[Johanna stares blankly at him for a moment, then snickers. Then snickers again. Peeta stares at her, suppressing his own smile.]

Peeta: It's Gale.

[Johanna shakes her head, her laughter becoming more pronounced. Peeta raises his brows.]

Peeta: Haymitch?

[Johanna shakes her head again, once more covering her mouth to suppress her laughter, shutting her eyes tight to avoid looking at Peeta, who has a confused expression on his face, his brows knit together and mouth slightly agape as he thinks.]

Peeta: (Stuttering as he tries to guess.) Fuckin'- I don't know. (Beat.) Coin?

[Johanna's eyes pop open, her hand flying up to point at him. Peeta's eyes widen.]

Peeta: No fucking way!

Johanna: (Quickly composing herself again.) Close. Coriolanus.

[The two Victor's stare at each other, Johanna smiling widely, Peeta bewildered, fighting his own smile. His phone buzzes, once, than twice. He doesn't check it.]

Johanna: You're ignoring your wife.

Peeta: (Still obviously shocked.) We need to get my wife on here. She'd have a much funnier reaction.

[Johanna brightens at this, ready to jump on the opportunity. She opens her mouth to speak, only for Peeta to wave his hand, shaking his head as he repeatedly says 'no.']

Peeta: I don't want to interrupt her day with bullshit, she needs rest.

Johanna: Oh, come on!

Peeta: (Trying to get back on subject.) What shitty author decides I would- she would- we would name our child after that vipor, cock sucker?

Johanna: (Giggling.) They said it was because you guys-

[She cuts herself off with another giggle. Peeta raises his brows at her, silently insisting she go on.]

Johanna: (Calming.) They said it was because you guys wanted to (pitching her voice to sound sympathetic.) 'Give the man who had no true love given to him another chance.'

[Peeta groans loudly, cursing. He looks around the room as if he cannot believe the bullshit he's hearing, raising his arms as if to say 'what the fuck?']

Peeta: Have they considered it's because he murdered people?

[Johanna laughs. Peeta looks at her.]

Peeta: No, seriously! He killed an insane amount of people, and you want him to have a redemption arc?!

Johanna: They also-

[She is cut off by Peeta, who's phone is still buzzing.]

Peeta: (Dropping his voice and adopting a Capitol accent.) "Life is so unfair. I recieve no bitches. I kill." (He looks at the camera, appalled.) You know what I did when I didn't get bitches?

Johanna: (Amused, watching him.) Porn.

Peeta: (Staring down the camera, slamming his hands on the table before pointing down the barrel.) Porn.

[Johanna laughs loudly, throwing her head back and turning her chair so she faces away from the camera. Peeta still stares at the camera, his expression shifting from dead serious to realization, his face quickly turning red as he's just realized what he's admitted in his passion, his lips which are pressed together twitching at the corners, laughter bubbling in his chest as tears begin to form in his eyes from suppressed laughter. Johanna's laughter increases as Peeta's phone begins to ring, clear bluegrass cutting through the silence and laughter, making her shriek.]

Peeta: (Not looking away from the camera.) If you'll excuse me, I have to answer my wife.

[He does, Johanna laughing to the point of tears, her chair spinning the full way round to allow her to rest her upper body on the table, her palms slapping the surface. On the phone, two women can be heard laughing on the other side, one of them asking 'what the fuck he was thinking' as Peeta rises from his chair, his fur coat swishing with each heavy footstep. The door to the room opens and shuts, leaving Johanna alone to sit and weep at her friends predicament. Breathing is obviously difficult for her, and not a priority. She raises her head, revealing tear tracks from her mascara as her hand searches for her mic, instead grabbing Peeta's and dragging it close enough to her mouth the audio is affected.)

Johanna: (Through broken laughter, wheezing, sniffing back tears.) We're gonna take a quick intermission, everyone. Tune back in in an hour or so.

[A thud can be heard in the other room, drawing Johanna's flickering attention.]

Johanna: Two hours.

['HOT TO GO!' Begins playing again, slowly drowning out Johanna's insane laughter as someone can be heard entering the studio, though the music is too loud to decipher whether it's male or female, let alone who it is. The person entering has made Johanna's laughter worse, her face now buried in her hands as the livestream fades to an end, cutting the day's episode short.]