#not trying to do anything more lol idk this person they just look like a character im obsessed with
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thinking about the guy i saw at the grocery store stocking shelves that looked like unmasked simon riley. he was tall with broad shoulders, looked to be in his 30s, had a similar face, short strawberry blonde hair that was thinning at the crown,,, and all i could think about was how that was probably a job ghost would like, or at least one he'd be hired for more easily than others. just a job where he can use his height and strength, probably will get a question or two from patrons but maybe not with how intimidating he looks so he'll probably have relative peace and quiet - apart from whatever songs they play in the store to keep shopper's minds busy while looking at the prices. idk it just felt like i really saw him how he'd be in real life for a second. also he checked me out WHEW
#okay elaborating on the checking out here because it got poetic in the post and i didn't wanna make it ALL about me lol#basically i was wearing this very cute very short lil pink dress and i was looking at something close by to where he was working#he was kneeling down when we both turned to each other#swear he did a double take#if i'm rememebring how i want to so be it#it literally was just something that happened in the grocery store#but he was knelt down and looked at me kind like :0#and i'm awkward so i just kinda went :\#N E ways i will be returning just to see if i saw correctly that he actually does look like him#not trying to do anything more lol idk this person they just look like a character im obsessed with#storytime over thnks bye#simon riley#simon ghost riley#ghost#ghost cod#🌻 thoughts
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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re: my last tag on my last post
#didn’t want to go all deep and whatever on that post bc idk whatever. i have my reasons i think#anyway#it really is odd to me that i might be memorable to people who i’ve never even interacted with directly#like people can just see me around campus and my face becomes even somewhat recognizable to them#it’s such an odd but cool feeling#bc growing up i was very much someone who just wanted to blend in more than anything#i didn’t want to do anything that would make me stand out in the slightest#i wanted to be as boring and unmemorable and regular as possible (at least in regard to my appearance; personality wise i was very much a-#-weird girl)#and i guess at some point in high school my mentality shifted and i wanted people to see me and think i’m cool or attractive or whatever#i wanted people to look at me and actually Think something of me#and now it’s not really something i actively try to do#it’s more of a ‘do i think i look good? do i like how i look? do i feel good? good’ and i go out like that#so it’s like. startling but also kinda really cool to have people actually remembering my face and thinking i’m cool or pretty or talented#or smart. or all of the above (preferably lol bc they’re all accurate ehehe)#even if they don’t automatically know how they recognize me#like. i’m here! i can be seen! and when i come face to face with these people who i’ve never seen before but who think i’m familiar#i can just casually chat with them and joke around and have fun#i can’t remember their names quite right. but they compliment my makeup or my shirt and an hour later i’m jokingly blowing kisses at them#idk it’s weird to think about how much i’ve changed as a person bc even four years ago this would’ve been like. unthinkable behavior#and now it just comes naturally i guess#(though the alcohol certainly helps i’m sure haha)#anyway i’m just proud of how far i’ve come both socially and in terms of my own self confidence and outgoingness#and my willingness to just be seen!!!
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,,
#lmao another thing that sucks so fkn bad and is pathetic af#is that like yeah i dont have any friends or anyone to talk to#he has been the person closest to me for a year....#and bc i have these feelings for him#i want comfort from him 💀 which obviously i cannot ask for#but i *want* him to reassure me and tell me that i'll be ok probably maybe#like i've tried so hard to not be a 'brat' (tbh a part of me that i... felt so close to him and wanted to be closer#and feel comfortable w letting out w him. but thats a door that will remain closed and i mourn it)#and told him not only my hurts but also stuff like i support him and hope for him that he'll have what he wants now#i dont expect anything in return but i realized that i feel so sad and down#bc deep down i want him to do the same for me 🥲 like i want him to say anything mainly#but yeah... idk it sucks bc i look up to him and his advice is always so grounding and helps me a lot#so even if im unhappily in love w him i still want to look to him for advice and some sort of guidance#and i know how this sounds. it is how i feel regardless.. feelings are pesky >.<#at the very least i just wished he could say at least smth...#and i feel even more stupid having tried and then ... nothing#which again reminds me that yeah... i wont be .. like i wont be#hmm... how do i phrase this.. like i want him to see me in pain and struggling and want to give me any feedback asap#as to not keep me in pain without hearing anything back for too long. kinda like that#but i wont be that bc im not the one he'll put what he has in. which obviously i intellectually understand#i still just hurt bc of it bc i still wish for it (which is smth i have to learn how to not do)#and it hurts bc lol.. i wait and wait for him to say anything and then it hurts more bc it doesnt happen so T-T#also it really sucks that i dont have any friends bc having friends helps u try to stay sane and not completely be submerged in these thing
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Why do people who enjoy spam liking always act so high and mighty about it ‘well I like it when someone likes all 200 of my posts bc it means they love and cherish my creations, I’m sorry you’re a cold hearted grinch and don’t have any appreciation for the common people who love your work, maybe if you stopped being such a snob 🙄’ ok bitch good for you?? I just like reading people’s comments/tags on my art and having a lot of individual like notifications clogs it up so it gets a little annoying that’s all. If spam liking makes you feel good that’s great I’m happy for you but it’s just a matter of personal preference it doesn’t make either of us morally superior lol get off your high horse
#.txt#I’m sorry I’m really not trying to be mean but 100 likes on individual posts don’t really do anything for me#like. thanks I guess? idk it’s just one more number#also usually it’s like. 100 likes in 1 minute. like you’re doing it just because not even taking a second to look at the actual post#this is one thing twitter does better bc it’ll just say [person] liked x amount of your posts#I’m not mad at anyone who spam likes my posts btw it’s just mild annoyance at most#like keep doing it if you want idc#I just hate people who try to make you feel bad for not crying and throwing up with joy when someone likes 50 of your posts#or people get mad when someone asks to not spam like?? ‘well then it’s a loss for both of us 😤’#hate to break it to you but you’re not that special lol that person isn’t gonna care that they lost a potential like from you#I’m not saying this to be mean you’re just a stranger on the internet they don’t know you don’t be weird#is it so hard to respect people’s boundaries without pissing your pants goddamn
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godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling
#personal#i felt super embarrassed in my korean lesson today#because I didn't have a lot of time the last couple of weeks and I was trying to resolve the situation w the other tutor#when i should have just cut my losses and bailed#and look i know i'm learning there's literally no reason to be embarrassed etc but i am insane so that's not an option LOL#i should have somehow already known the contents of the lesson and therefore not needed the lesson hope this helps#but actually it was like i spent what little time i had preparing for the other lesson that was stupid and pointless rather than this one#and that just made me feel :( you know#in fairness to me my mental health was circling the drain literally until 2 days ago#so the last couple of days have just been like *sweeps up the carnage of various mental breakdowns and other insane behavior* LOL#but idk just generally feeling frustrated with myself even tho that's not super helpful#also frustrated that stupid bullshit has been taking up way too much of my time and energy lately#and it seems like the more i try to get the stupid bs out of the way the more it just dominates my life somehow#also super helpful that my brain's natural response to this state of being is 'well maybe you can't do anything right and should die :)'#like okay ty for your input LOL#despite how this sounds actually my korean lesson was REALLY good LOL#it was so good I just like got upset about wasting time on other bs you know??#anyway ty for coming to my nightly overshare i actually feel better now#love to shout into the void#exciting korean learning tag
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happy eurovison!! do your stretches!!!
babe it's been days since i did my stretches at this point im too scared
#in my defence idk WHAT was going on with my sunday shift bc i only waitressed 7 hours and that's a pretty normal shift for me#like im aware compared to a normal person it would be very difficult to just out of nowhere expect them to be on their feet#walking back and forth the entire length of a restaurant regularly carrying heavy things all the while keeping up ABOVE AND BEYOND socially#for SEVEN ENTIRE HOURS with ZERO BREAK like masking that entire time on top of the 7 hour physical workout#like it's insane if u think about it for more than 2 seconds and im really trying to bc every time i falter i beat the shit out of myself#and like? NO? my job is actually very physically demanding and emotionally draining compared to most people's day-to-day activity#it's gonna have impacts sometimes!#so yeah long story short i finished my shift sunday and when i tell you my legs LOCKED UP in bed that night#like mainly my thighs but it was all in my hips and knees and it was so bad that i lay there until 2am before getting painkillers#bc i couldnt hack it#which is SAYING SOMETHING for me bc im normally both quite good with pain and also a hardass for taking painkillers#ive had that happen once before (again after waitressing lol) & never worried about it but my mum recently got diagnosed with arthritis#and ever since ive been like. Looking at my own joints any time they even HINT at playing up#like i am RENOWNED for inhereting all of my mum's medical shit from mental to physical like i KNOW i'll get it it's just a matter of when#and yeah that was sunday it's now tuesday and my thighs STILL feel bruised#and im like. embarassed about it bc it's not like i did anything spectacular? and idk why it's happening?#yeah idk hiiii rori did u like me ranting about my physical health in ur stretch reminder ask sorry do u still think im hot <3#ask
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nvm the americans in the notes going “i live in america you don’t want privatized healthcare” are normies and fine it’s the fucking americans going LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKS
americans stop pretending you’re the main characters in the story and eat my entire ass
#i want to have empathy for the story they gave but to start off like a total wanker talking down to us like ontarians haven#t been freaking out about this and talking about it over and over for years now is disgusting#we don't need you to increase the fucking font size and yell at us like we're children we fucking know we don't want goddamn privatized#healthcare jesus christ i hate looking at cdnpoli online bc americans never stop making it about them as if they're the only one#who have ever suffered from bad policy or some shit and the rest of us are dumb fools needing to be told by y'all#i Know. we all personally fucking know bc there's plenty of instances like the story in the notes having already happened here#this bill would just be another last push. he's already done so much damage and if you cared you would know exactly what and how#GOD i hate this but it's so frustrating to see americans make it about themselves as if i don't have enough trouble#every single fucking day talking to canadians about this shit. bc so many normie libs are obsessed with looking at america okay just#stop it. if we can shut up and support y'all during your political struggles by god you can try to do it for us#anyways i guess the vote offered doesn't even mean anything but idk why i thought there would be#there's actually no stopping it unless somehow ford got booted in the next day but that's not a thing#it's just capitalism lol. and fascism. bc he's already violated the charter and there's already brutality and capitalism demands more and#more. violating federal law some more to make sure the rich can devour our corpses some more is just inevitable
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Might just pass the fuck out actually
#it has not been a good day. the first thing i had to do today went badly and i’m not looking forward to doing the second thing#and it’s hot and my house feels like a soup and my knee is acting up so i’m essentially walking like i don’t even know what#i was going to say frankenstein’s monster but i don’t even know if he has a limp#i wish the lecture i have tonight wasn’t the FIRST one in the course. if i’d already done a couple i feel like it’d be more acceptable#for me to email the lecturer or the guidance person or somebody and be like ‘hey chief i had an absolute disaster this morning.#is it okay if i take a personal day to cry into chinese food and try to drown myself in the bath? i’ll watch the lecture tomorrow & recap’#but i haven’t established a reputation for showing up & being competent yet#ugh and i looked on the website and the cohort is exactly 8 people which… idk what i was expecting but why must it be small#if i get asked to introduce myself i’m just going to cry on camera#god i bet i do get asked. that’s going to be fucking horrible#‘i’m ellen; i don’t work anywhere because i left my first shift at my new job in tears today bc i almost fainted because my knee decided to#give out; i know enough html and css to know that this course is going to kick my ass. i’m also learning python#because my friend roped me into it. also sorry that i’m eating right now but i decided there was no way i was getting through this class#without ordering fried rice. i don’t know why i’m here. nice to meet you i guess’#i’m so hungry but i don’t want to eat anything because i want to order food. but also. do i have the mental fortitude to talk to someone#on the phone. but i don’t have the mental fortitude to cook either…… it’s a big problem#ultimately cooking would be physically harder but i would also get my food sooner. calling them would be mentally harder and i would get my#food later. ohhhhh god and i just remembered this other takeaway place that opens at 4:30 (💖) but they’re CLOSED ON MONDAYS#i guess there’s also the chinese place in the village. AND their prawn toast is better. and they open earlier and deliver super fast. 🧐#i might just order beef fried rice from them and whatever happens to me happens to me. (i have a beef intolerance lol#but they cook their chicken in a way that makes it really chewy. it won’t make me sick or anything; never has before; but it’s not the vibe.#it’s chinese food cooked by english people. that’s the problem. the prawn toast is good though)#anyway! for personal reasons i will be passing out#personal
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🎶
#so idk if I’m high and I’ve just been watching too much Shoshana bean videos#but damn I miss singing and performing#I wonder if there’s anything that I could do#like I’m not the type of person to record myself and post covers or anything#I guess I could try#but I just always felt awkward doing that#I like live performances#there’s just more emotion and adrenaline in it#but how the fuck do adults do musical theatre unless they are the top of the top#and I’m definitely not the top of the top#but I was good#I went to a performing arts high school and I was voted the best vocal performer in my class#but then life took a total 180 and I didn’t do anything with it#and now I’m just like#wonder where I could have gone with that if I actually tried/could#and I know a lot of you are like 24 isn’t that young!!!! you can still do it!!!#idk how to#and with what money lol#the only possible chance I have is getting on some singing competition and hope for the best#I have looked into that before#jsnsmsjdnsknakdjd#I just miss singing so so much#miss singing in a choir#miss singing in an a cappella group#miss being in musicals#ughhhhh miss all of it#now I’m 24 and don’t know what the fuck to do with my life#ok sorry idk what the point of this post was#just venting#shut up rosie
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I do kinda think peoples reaction to thinking i prevented my ex from Being Whatever They Want and then trying to exclude me entirely from the things i identify with- like... How is that okay in any capacity? If you did this in regard to my trans identity, would it still be okay? Why is it okay with the rest of the ways i identify too? I never stopped them from being anything anyways, i just didnt want to date someone who was mirroring me so fucking much, goddamn, i was okay with being their friend still, why is that so hard to understand. Sorry i dont wanna fuck someone whos pretending to be my clone, almost in an effort to mock me..?
#some of yall are genuinely bad people. like you do need to digest that fact.#all of this based on a rumor. and again i state like ive stated a million times. what will you do when you find out theyre the abuser?#are you gonna try to apolgozie to me for trying to run me off the internet ostracize and bully me?#or are you gonna come up with a million justifications for why your behavior was fine even though you didnt know?#like maybe. just maybe. in situations where you dont know the truth of the situation. maybe. just dont act on the impulse to hurt#someone because you really really want to believe the other person you like more is telling the truth. idk. just an idea.#because i dont think yall are capable of the self introspection right now to realize how fucking abusive your behavior has been.#JUST because its directed at mem suddenly its totally fine. lets not think about the possibility snake could be telling the truth too.#nawww... the guy who identifies as a snake and looks like a disney villain? im totally not allowing my subconscious biases navigate the#way i treat people in this situation. boy do i love my angel looking boys.#me* not mem lol#surely my culturally christian upbringing isnt playing a part in any of this.#anyways. i never went out of my way to invalidate them but ik believing that would make their narrative crumble for you.#i knew what i wanted. they knew what i wanted. they pretended to be what i wanted. when we got comfortable and i got used to#them being that way theyd start to morph back into who they really are. i dont like who they really are. id try to break up woth them.#theyd beg me to stay. id give them another chance and once again they start acting like the person i wanted to be with. rinse and repeat.#that was the entire relationship. i tried breaking up with them so many times but they were too ig dependant on me#and didnt want me to leave bc ig they thought if i wasnt dating them that id just abandon them and never help them with anything.#i do think its more they knew they could manipulate me easier if we were together and they pretended to be what i wanted.#thats what happened and im sorry you cant accept the truth of who your fave is and what theyre like my dude.#me not liking who they really are has nothing to do with their transness. sure. who they really are is more masc than what i wanted.#but kre than that. who they really were was kinda just a skeevy selfish shitty person who thinks really highly of themselves.#and i just didnt dig that man. not sure what to tell you.#should i have put my foot down and left anyways? yes. and i did. but i knew that when i did break up with them they would turn on me.#like they did. and stabbed me in the back a million times. hoping id hate being alive enough bc of the ostracism to kill myself.#then thered be no one to criticize them for their actions or abusive behavior anymore.#but yeah idc. im not going anywhere. you're gonna tell the truth or put up with my existence. those are your options.#anyways i dont think the progressive solution to you believing i prevented them from being things is to prevent me also from#being things. like how does that help when you just spread the supposed pain.... not to mention it was more of a seed you planted#rather than a plant that was already growing
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step 1: post "'we're pretty boys for secret girls' from 'austin, we have a problem' by fall out boy is a trans coded lyric."
step 2: turn phone on vibrate
step 3: ....
#myevilposts#suggestive#< it's the implication#also believe this is MAYBE verifiably (i didn't see an og source link so maybe not) a pete lyric though i've heard ppl say that patrick#wrote some or most of the lyrics to 'austin we have a problem' but idk if i believe that. like. lol.#idk if that's true. there is a pete post of the lyric (source pending) though pete did put it in quotes so it's maybe. from something else?#though he did say like the lyrics from 'nobody puts baby in the corner' are things he's said#and i personally often put things i've said irl in quotes in my own poetry so. just my take.#maybe it's pete quoting himself or maybe it's pete quoting something else either way.#peter i love you.#idc if he's trans or not but i just want to talk to him alone for a hot minute or two you know.#and yes as a trans person i'd be happy if someone else came out as trans too. like. lol.#i'd be happy if anyone came out as anything because i like it when people feel free to be themselves.#that's just kind of a given. 'LOOK WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO OUR MEN/WOMEN/CHILDREN/ETC.!' sighs loudly.#i'm not trying to destroy cisness by being happy when people come out as trans and are more happy/comfy with themselves.#and even perhaps hoping that more ppl become comfy enough in themselves to come out. i'm not an evil trans for being happy 4 others.#and i'm not invalidating anyone's gender identity by pointing out that something COULD be READ as TRANS-CODED.#what a fucking wreck you know. don't put words in my mouth. i'd never assume someone is 'secretly trans.'#i mean zero offense basically. i'm just pointing out something that resonated with me on a trans level and idc if it was#intended as such or not bc it makes me happy.
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🍓
#for how long am i gonna wake up.. and have my first thought be him#and then wish that when i look at my phone i will have messages waiting from him#where he said gm and told me abt his day like i had every day for a while..#and then suddenly get anxiety pain in my whole chest and stomach#bc i know i dont have any messages from him. and that we dont really talk anymore#and now idek if he would want to keep message me every once in a while#am i gonna keep living off of the high from one message from him now and then?#like idk :((( it's just so painful#and it does hurt more now bc... for a long time i still hade hope that like ofc we will talk!!!!! when he's ready to talk#we will talk abt everything and it will all be fine ^-^ i really really had trust and belief in that#like i genuinely thought that would happen. bc to /me/ this is the most real and strong thing i've had#which truly i understand is also naive and unwordly of me and also im very intense and emotional abt things#so truly i cannot get mad abt it only have been the one thing to want and to wanna fight for#bc yeah.. ig it just stings a lot more than just a crush bc to me.. like i sound so silly and naive but i should just vent#bc like yeah... i dont have any friends to talk to or a therapist or anything and i need to talk T-T#it's embarrassing but to me i really felt like i had found my person.. the person who i wanted to be the closest to in the world..#felt the kind of love where i would do anything and fight for it to even have a chance.. and yeah..#ig i was very naive to have the 'certainty' that .. i was just waiting and being patient and giving him space. maybe that wasnt actually#what he needed. but w my avpd i didnt know how to be pushy or.. like how to be enough pushy like he would need#without being too intense to push him too far away from me. bc im intense.. so i know that even if he's right for me#im not right for him bc i could not give him what he needs.. :(((#but yeah.. everyday i wake up w so much sadness bc i know i wont get to talk to him all day#and now the sadness is coupled with intense dread and anxiety#bc honestly i have no idea if he'll ever reply to me again or how much we will talk if we even will at all.#and the thought of life without him and not even have him in it even a little makes me wanna die lol#idk.. idk... bc i wont get to have what i want.. which is to simply be with him. but yeah idk... idk#it pains me sm that ... we never did talk to find out whatever was between us. and regardless of intent on his behalf that does make me fee#*i* am the one who valued and cared abt our 'bond' more than he did... but it is what it is it is what it is#it just hurts... bc i found someone i both thought and wanted it to be real with. but... i never even got a chance to try or talk abt it#which also is life.. if he found someone (twice) that he did like enough to want to try with but not with me.. that's just how he felt..
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What I tell myself: I need to decompress and calm down after this event so I can go to bed
What I'm doing an hour later, Apparently: [brain explode with thoughts and feelings and being normal] so hey guys about Tsukasa and his EVERYTHING-
#me trying to consider whether ill even post anything on here#am i gonna snap and do what i did for bttf and just make a blog to yell on#idk if id even talk enough for it#but on the other hand making other blogs tends to make me more organized#and i guess i Do have a good deal of thoughts#but on the OTHER hand figuring out how to write this all while sounding like a sane person#when half of this started as kinning and thinking 'oh wow haha i did that when i was younger too lol'#and then suddenly things were happening#and im like 'oh hm okay' and it is Not Lol Haha its more 'oh my god i think he's experienced some of the same trauma i did'#and approaching it from such a personal angle HELP#bc on the one hand yeah i do legitimately think it's part of what's wrong with him if not a huge chunk#but on the other its largely based on personal experiences and not just 'i know exactly what this mental thing looks like'#or 'here is my analysis based on pure logic that i definitely didn't see coming because i too had issues like this'#but on the Other Hand#god would it be nice to run my mouth LOL#ig in the end the conflict comes down to being afraid i will not be taken seriously bc it will be seen as 'projection' instead of a genuine#like#read on the character?#i do not know if i have the strength to expose myself to that kind of judgement#but like#on the other hand i feel like i very legitimately am getting parts Right#so ig in the end its inner turmoil and anxiety trying to win one over on me again <3
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your future spouse's first impression of you
hi! after a long time i am back with another reading❣️ i asked spirit using the term fs but you can use this for soulmates as well. please remember we have free will, i am just reading energies so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. i would love to hear your feedbacks <3
🥀paid readings🥀
Disclaimer: My readings do NOT replace any professional advice. Use your own judgment while making decisions. You have your own free will. Take everything I say light-heartedly. All of my readings are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.
pick a pile
piles 1-2-3
all pictures are from pinterest.
pile 1
They will think that you are a selfless person. And that you are always ready to help others. Or fight for your values. But in a subtle way. To them you have a calming aura. They will also see you as someone reserved, someone who prefers to keep to themselves and speak less. From the first impression, you are someone who is a bit passive.
They will think that you have a rich inner self. However you seem to be avoiding it. I don't really know what exactly this is but your fs will be confused as to why you are avoiding this amazing part of you.
You have a mystic and wise energy to you. And to them you look like someone that trusts the universe (or whatever you believe in). You also seem mysterious to them. They will be intrigued by you and will want to know more about you. Maybe it's because you are somewhat different from them. Like they may be an atheist and you may be a pagan or you two may come from different cultures etc. This difference will spark their interest in you. Because to them, you bring a different outlook on life.
They will think that you know how to balance things and can see the different parts of a situation. They will think that you try to be fair.
I don't know how your person will see this but they will think that you accept change as it is and with peace. Maybe it's your calm demeanor that made them think this way.
They will see you as someone who takes a lot on their plate. Maybe you struggle with saying no and end up helping everyone even if it burdens you. Or it's just the way they see you.
Around the time you first meet them you may be very busy. Also you or them (or both) maybe in your 30s. And you may have a 2 year age gap for some of you.
your song: intro: singularity-bts
significant placements: libra, pluto, 3rd house aquarius, uranus, 12th house leo, south node, 4th house
thank you for reading ❤️
pile 2
They will see you as someone reliable and nurturing. You have an earthy vibe to you (also fiery), to them. You look like that friend who never leaves their friends alone in their hard times.
They will think that you have a lot of potential in you. And already doing quite good in life. You move slowly while making decisions. You think before you act. However when you decide something you move swiftly and get what you want. You seem passionate to them. The line “I want it, I got it” from 7 rings-ariana grande is your line!
They will think that you are quite attracted to them, lmao. But they may think that you already have someone in your life. Again they make a lot of assumptions so you may have not said anything about this topic but still they just can't sit still lol. They think that you shine a lot so maybe that's why they assume you are not alone or at least people are chasing you.
They will think that you have a lot to offer. Emotion and passion wise.
To them you are quite firm on your beliefs. For some of you they may see you have a debate with someone or you may have a debate with them in your first meeting. Or it's just something that will allow them to see your argumentative side. 🔞They will think that you are s3xy when you get all bossy(?) like that lol.
You seem like someone who is quite comfortable in their own skin. However they will see the hard work behind this confidence. Idk they will try to analyze a lot probably. Like try to see through you. You may have had to work hard to gain your confidence and maybe you were self conscious/had a low self esteem but worked hard and became who you are today. Again this is in their eyes.
Some of you here could have brownish-reddish hair here. Or will have that color when you meet your fs.
you got two songs: better by myself- hey violet, to me-alina baraz
significant placements: saturn, 2nd house, cancer south node, 7th house, leo south node, 11th house, libra
thank you for reading ❤️
pile 3
First of all, you may have a purple aura. I know this is a bit off topic but it came through.
You may have a darker aesthetic or may prefer darker colors on your clothes around the time you meet your fs. And they notice this. They may notice your legs and think that they are beautiful. Also I heard, boobs/chest area for some of you.
They will think that you know how to enjoy life and enjoy yourself. You have this nonchalant energy to them. And they see you as someone who is not afraid to express themselves and live authentically. You are at peace in life. You love your life and seem to enjoy it. To them, you are like a “no bs” person.
Like your clothing, you may like/like to search about what society deems as “dark”, like occult etc.
They will think that you are a disciplined person. However at first they may understand you wrong, this discipline can seem like the will to win no matter what, to them. They may see you as someone who is defensive and does not accept their faults. Someone who is willing to do almost everything to win. However I am not seeing that this is the case with you. Because of this later they may be ashamed of themselves.
You also seem somewhat unattainable and unpredictable to them. But it's not like you do stupid things. It's more like when they think they know you, you say something totally unexpected about yourself.
You have this great personality inside you. For them to see this side of you may take a while. I am not saying they will hate you but they will be a bit judgemental of you. You seem like the life of the party and like you are an authentic person but you are also such a deep person. However nonchalant you seem, you also have worries. And you have such a strong and a soft person inside you. They will see this eventually and embrace every part of you.
(For some of you this judgment may be because they are a bit more of a reserved person)
your song: take me-miso
significant placements: taurus, 3rd house, uranus leo, 11th house, neptune capricorn, 12th house, mercury
thank you for reading ❤️
#tarot#tarot reading#pac#pick a card#pick a pile#future spouse#future spouse reading#future relationship reading
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