#and didnt want me to leave bc ig they thought if i wasnt dating them that id just abandon them and never help them with anything.

[snekdood]

I do kinda think peoples reaction to thinking i prevented my ex from Being Whatever They Want and then trying to exclude me entirely from the things i identify with- like... How is that okay in any capacity? If you did this in regard to my trans identity, would it still be okay? Why is it okay with the rest of the ways i identify too? I never stopped them from being anything anyways, i just didnt want to date someone who was mirroring me so fucking much, goddamn, i was okay with being their friend still, why is that so hard to understand. Sorry i dont wanna fuck someone whos pretending to be my clone, almost in an effort to mock me..?

[blxetsi]

modern sasha braus dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!sasha braus x gn!reader

had to write something for my queen 😌✨

- she shares her food with you. I Dont Care She Does

- also since this is a modern au i dont think she would have such an obsession with food as she does in the canonverse (if we can even call it an obsession) i still think she would have a big appetite (and she'd be proud of it tf 😏🙏) but i just dont see her always being hungry as the fandom makes her out to be

- really likes to hold hands with you

- i think itd be really cute if she was studying to become a baker ?? maybe taking a culinary course at the university you two attend ?? maybe you somehow met there or through a friend

- i think she'd still be insecure about her accent (ig if this is au is set in america she'd be from the south 😐🤚) and would speak kind of like a robot to people she didn't know that well

- connie and jean ALWAYS bring out her accent tho,, like with them she can really be herself

- i think when you were starting to get to know her she would be speaking very formally, and youd take it like shes being kinda stand offish or like,, just doesnt wanna talk so youre thinking "okay maybe she doesnt wanna be friends 😁👍" and would back off

- now sasha's upset because you are so cool and unique and she just wants to know so much about you but youve been very distant lately ?? like did she do something wrong ??

- she tells connie, jean, marco, and niccolo one night and connie and jean are on the side of "find y/n and demand to know why their behavior has changed" while marco and niccolo are on the side of "respectfully dm y/n and ask why they havent been wanting to see sasha recently"

- sasha goes with the latter of the two and dms you after passing you in the dining hall, you two literally keep glancing at each other, texting while you sit with your respective friend groups

- after everything gets cleared up sasha is immediately inviting you to hang out with her crew, and even getting some of her other friends like eren, mikasa, and ymir and historia to come join too

- if she has all the people shes comfortable with there, itll be less scary talking with her accent !

- You Love It. You Think Its Adorable.

- you guys would definitely have a friends to lovers type relationship

- like friendly hugs turn into slightly longer hugs, and now sasha will constantly ask to sit next to you during movie nights

- loves to rest her head on your lap while she spreads across the couch

- i think you two would have your first kiss in niccolos apartment

- you two were sitting in his kitchen, with sasha munching on the leftover food he made that night for your get together

- his mom had called him so he decided to leave to go to his bedroom to answer it

- and slowly you guys just kind of,,,, leaned in 🙈✨

- it was slow and really romantic, kinda rough with the crumbs that were around sasha's lips but you didn't mind

- niccolo barged in and ruined the moment 😐🤚 good going pal 😁👍

- you two were so shocked that you two tried to leave

- ended up just walking down the road in silence like wtf i thought yall were trying to get away from each other 😭😭😭😭

- sasha ended up staying the night 🤩‼️

- NOT in a sexual way

- but in like a,,,, rue and jules kinda way where jules comes in through the window (but only sasha didnt come in through the window she came in the front door with you) and you two held each other and gave each other smooches for the rest of the night

- sasha woke up late and missed her morning classes 😐🤚 didnt even care and went back to sleep with you

- i think for the most part you get along well with her friend group

- youre definitely closer to connie, jean, niccolo, marco, and historia

- ymir teases you guys a lot and you cant tell if what she says is just jokes (it always is) or if shes completely serious

- eren, mikasa, armin, annie, along with reiner and bertholdt are more of aquantances to you, just because you dont see them as often as you do the others

- she has such a weird relationship with her english professor

- will literally complain how much work he gives his class and then the next day will gush about how great he his bc he gave her a granola bar for her effort in her assignment

- girl pick a script and stick to it 😐🤚

- has a collection of stuffies on her bed. i dont make the rules.

- anytime theres a carnival in town she drags EVERYONE there.

- you all agree to split up into groups so you can all check out what you want, but you always agree to meet up and eat funnel cake together 🥺

- sasha tries to get you to win her new stuffies

- if you cant do it, or just want some for yourself, shes calling connie and niccolo up PLEADING with them to come find you guys,

- then she claims theres been an ACCIDENT and that you two need help

- niccolo is zooming bc he cares abt his besties 😌✨

- connie texts jean and marco to come find you guys too 😭😭😭

- who gets a kick and a lecture for lying courtesy of niccolo ? sasha. but who also gets a bunch of stuffies won for her courtesy of niccolo ? sasha.

- for your anniversary i think she'd want to do something really fun with you

- she'd set up a pillow fort and have a bunch ot string lights and stuff, have all of her favourite stuffies (which are the ones she thinks of you when she sees) in there too.

- she has chips, she baked little pastries and cookies, and she ordered your favourite takeout

- you guys just watch whatever you want on netflix or whatever and its such a nice night

- it becomes a tradition for you guys, but you two always take turns with setup

- one year sasha did all of the planning, baking and whatnot ? okay now its your turn 😁👍

- you guys even started doing themes now 🤩

- if you guys play board games with your friends youre on sasha's side whether you want to be or not.

- shes also the kind of person that says "i can win fair and square !" but then when bertholdt starts kicking her ass in monopoly her script changes real quick 🙄

- now its "y/n,,, give me some of ur money" and "y/n, buy this property for me" like girl,,,, what happened to playing fair 😍⁉️

- will try and do all of those s/o pranks you see on tiktok

- its hard to get a genuine reaction out of you bc you can TELL SHES RECORDING but she tries anyways

- we love a perservering queen 😌✨

- will call you at random times of the day asking if you guys can see each other

- "y/n ??? are you there ??" "sasha its 2am wtf do you want 😐" "do you wanna ride your bike with me down to the park 🥺"

- also is very observant, knows when youre overworking yourself

- will try and pull you away from what youre working on like "lets go get you something to drink, or maybe we can watch an episode of that show you like before you continue working !"

- if youre persistent that you just HAVE to finish it tonight and cant stop and take a break she'll respect that, until you stay at your laptop for over an hour 😐

- just softly pulls you away like "no lovebug, lets get some sleep okay ?"

- is also very protective of you

- overheard someone making fun of you ?? talking shit ??? her besties better hold her back before she gets suspended 😤‼️

- and since connie and jean absolutely ADORE you, you better believe theyre helping their girl sasha out

- those three are the LEADERS of the "protect y/n club"

- it just becomes niccolo and marco trying to dissolve the situation before it gets physical, and then reiner and armin joining when they walk directly into the chaos

- armin tells you what happened and as much as youre thankful that sasha cares about you so much that she'd defend you like that, you lecture her, jean and connie on not making scenes like that again

- sasha's love language is kind of like,, a mixture of quality time and physical touch

- she just really loves spending time with you, but also very much enjoys being in your arms

- she doesnt shy away from it, and is usually the one to initiate those things

- will hold your hand PROUDLY down hallways or on streets

- always hypes you up too, shes very much so your personal hypeman

- "oh lovebug you look SO GOOD rn oh my god" "sasha pls im in my pyjamas" "and you look like a model baby !"

- sasha is very stubborn however, and if you guys ever fight she is NEVER the one to apologize first, or seek you out to talk about it

- even if shes in the wrong she cant bring herself to admit it, she dug herself into such a deep hole with the stance she took that she doesnt want to take the walk of shame in admitting that she wasnt right

- this can cause a lot of problems in your relationship, but after you explain how much it affects you, shes trying to change

- will always work on her stubborn-ness and pride

- and it actually makes her feel a lot better being able to admit defeat, or being wrong

- she really likes being communicative and honest, especially with you

- i think overall your relationship with sasha is very very fun, filled with good memories, good food, good friends, and most importantly, love.

no bc i really do love her 😐🤚 lemme marry miss braus rq 😏✨

hope u guys enjoyed !! remember requests are open so if you have anything youd like me to write DONT BE SHY ❤️‼️

[yukippe]

i sold myself on yuekki knowing there was v little content so ig i have to make it myself. heres my take on canon yuekki

so obviously yue lives! for this ill just say she gave back the power she got from the moon spirit and her hair turned black and she ended up w cool spiritbending powers for fun

sokka and yue get together properly 💖yue decides she wants to travel the world and help out with the war however she can and she and sokka have a conversation and theyre like yea we r both young and we dont know whats going to happen so we want to explore this however we can! theyre very soft together and sokka teachers her the basic combat he knows and he gets a lot better at carving because hes constantly making her little things whenever they stop somewhere 

aang and yue do spirit communicating and spirit world trips and bending together and its cool katara practices with them because yue wants to take waterbending influences - katara and yue become really close friends and they tease sokka together whenever they can

in the secret tunnel episode yue thinks the nomads r the funniest thing and shes laughing and having them teach her songs and her voice is HORRIBLE and sokka is just oh dear i love her…

in the swamp sokka and yue both see suki ;)

neither of them mention what they saw bc sokkas like uh? im with yue tho what does this mean is suki okay?? and yue is like oh thats a cute girl wow ! huh :O

yue shows up at the beifongs and goes oh…i am just a princess. nbd! the beifongs are ?!?! okay?? and tell toph to be nice to her. at first toph thinks yue is just a prissy princess but then yue challengers her to a burping contest and tophs opinion does a 180 to first girl crush

they still lose appa : ( yue went into the tower with them bc she wanted to talk to another spirit and when wan shi tong asks her for information shes just like oh lol i was the moon spirit and hes…..um okay that works

yue is the one who gets high off cactus juice 😌 she has a great time and sokka carries her on his back for a bit to make sure shes safe and fusses over her and yue is just bopping his nose and playing with momos tale and earnestly talking about how she thinks she might have to leave sokka for the mermaid (katara who is very flustered) shes flirting with

serpents pass is hijinks and romance at its best :)

suki still kisses sokka and yue sees the girl from the swamp vision kiss sokka and her IMMEDIATE thought is oh new girlfriend i guess and then her brain kicks in and she steps over and goes hey :( my boyfriend :( 

suki: what?? sokka: uh yea, hi suki this is my girlfriend yue. yue this is uh, suki? shes the leader of the kyoshi warriors

basically they sort it out as a haha oops my bad… but then the three of them talk around the campfire and sokka starts to make one of the carvings he always makes for yue and then he makes another and gives it to suki and suki and yue are REALLY getting along and the three of them sit under the moonlight and yue brings up that she saw suki in a vision and sokka goes oh and suki goes really?

they realize they all definitley like each other, but suki has to go back to the rest of the kyoshi warriors and they kiss and yue takes sukis hands and promises her she will find her again and theyll see where the go from there and gives her the carving sokka made for her and suki gives yue the carving sokka made for her and its very much an if we make it out well see where we go from there

azula has no idea who yue is because the nwt princess not being in the nwt is a tiny bit of a secret bc the nwt decided they didnt want it to be known that yue wasnt safe and azula sees her spirit bend and is ???? another avatar?? 

yea the fire nation thinks theres another avatar dw abt it

in ba sing se yues tales of ba sing se episode shes invited to join katara and toph and goes but she also gets her own little story where she gets stuck working a part time job at a pottery store and she so lost dfghj

when theres the confrontation at the end of book 2 azula tries to attack yue and calls her the avatar and zuko is??? no thats the nwt princess!! azula is v stunned and then shes like well. fuck you! and then she turns to aang and proceeds from there

yue pretends to be aangs mom so katara doesnt have too dfghj sokka and yue play up a v cute married couple act and katara keeps pretending to throw up

sokka makes yue a cool meteroite knife while hes making the sword and she loves it and immediatly starts target practice

yue and katara both go with hama in the puppetmaster and its actually a redemption episode and yue shares a message from tui with hama and hama thanks them both and decides to go to the swt 

yue goes on the boiling rock trip and eyes zuko from the other side of the balloon and he asks o uh how are you alive? yue: i gave back the moon spirit and then the moon came back and then i became a vessel for tui and i got spiritbending. sokka: ur so cool

yue spots suki first and nudges sokka and sokka sees her and goes !!. when zuko stands guard he is so extremley awkward abt it bc he doesnt understand why the both of them went in bc he doesnt realize theyre both kinda with suki. inside the three of them are hugging on the ground and outlinging a fast plan

when chit sang goes: hey ur girlfriend is going away, yue crosses her arms and goes: hey thats MY girlfriend chit sang: oh sorry didnt mean to assume

zuko: i thought you were dating sokka? sokka: yue and i are both dating suki because we are all really cool and awesome :D

when hakoda finds out his son has two badass girlfriends and one of them is the leader of an elite group of warriors and the other is the princess of the nwt he goes and takes a nap

you know that scene where suki is trying to sneak into sokka’s tent but zuko interrupts? yue is already in the tent with sokka and hears the stumble and is like zuko?? we didnt invite you but uh? i guess just talk to sokka quickly we have plans

zuko is very intimidated by yue already so hes much more awkward but he goes in and asks his question and then suki and yue go and hangout with sokka and the three of them have a cute date and do each others hair and suki brings out her fans and they fan each other even though suki goes: hey those are weapons! >:( yue, guiding sokka on hiding his face w a fan: yes suki we are so sorry, come fan me with your weapon please

yue dies in the ember island players version of events so suki sneaks yue and sokka backstage so the three of them can roast the actors and playwright and dfghjk yue is like you know what they wrote me out so im taking kataras place and suki and sokka shrug and they convince the katara actress to let yue take over for the next act

yue makes the show 10x better and almost refuses to die when shes supposed to be defeated and suki and sokka are just quietly cheering in the background like THATS OUR GIRLFRIEND

when theyre facing the fleet in the finale im not saying yue throws her meteorite knife and hits ozai but she totally throws her knife and hits ozai

suki sokka and yue kiss at zuko’s coronation bc they all love pda and then they seperate for a while as they go back to their respective homes but they stay in close contact and sneak away to visit each other whenever they can and they manage to make some sort of rotation schedule between homes between the three of them and have three kids :)

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[pxrxmoore]

ohhhh anna’s lil tag game is very cute i love these questions! thank u @ashtcnirwin 🥰

feel free to answer all of them or just some of them or just ignore this all together, whatever you’re comfortable with, and then tag however many people you want!

1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction? asjdfk god it was atl fic on livejournal and mibba in like 2010 maybe?? idek but it was all slash fic like had literally not heard of reader insert until i joined the sos fam properly in 2018. also don’t remember what my reaction to it was?? reading slash fic has been so normal for me for like 10 yrs i dont know how the fcuk it started 😂 this was before i got tumblr but i used to keep up to date with some of the bigger atl blogs like it was the morning news or sumat and like 90% of them wrote amazing fic so 🤷‍♀️

2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)?

3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)? oh man, unfortunately i dont have my own place right now, but my room is full of plants and i also just spent half an hour looking at witchy occult cat figurines on amazon sooooo ig those are my vibes rn 😌 but i feel like it changes all the time tbh

4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen? paramore was the first band i was a massive fan of but i didnt rly get into the fandom ig i just was my own lil bubble of pmore. i had a massive kpop phase when i was like 13 and my fave band was UKiss - i joined a forum (cannot remember what it’s called rn) and met a few people thru that! i met this rly sweet girl and we used to message every day and we like designed our own merch ackskrkr so ig that must’ve been my first fandom! i also taught myself basic korean and this is gonna sound Very Weird but instead of like knowing celebs zodiac signs it was rly common to know blood types like it was kind of the same deal apparently ur blood type says a lot about ur personality ajxjkskf so i knew like kpop idols blood types ajsjjfjjcjfjjf ahhhhhh so wild

5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself? aries sun, leo moon, cancer rising - i am an absolute disgrace of an aries LMAO i do not fit my sun sign in the slightest its the complete opposite of me, leo is kinda similar tbh i feel like its kinda close to aries? so yeah i dont fit those at all. ig i kind of am more cancer bc im emotional as all hell LOL but yeah i never put a lot of thought into my signs for a rly long time bc i always felt they were a completely wrong description of me

6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world? i don’t write but uhhh i usually go for like hurt/comfort which??? ig i could relate to me LMAO how emo 😌 i’m not sure tbh, i deff don’t feel the characters i read reflect anything about me?? tbh i have never rly thought about this thats super interesting.... i feel like i love a good angsty fic but it has to have a happy ending asdksnidfg and im a pretty emo person but like ig im tryna be hopeful in the end?? so maybe?? yeah ig its how i would see the world!

7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life? holy shit uhhhhhhh man thts a tough one but idk if i wanna think about it in too much detail tbh 😌 ig recently i spoke to a dr about my mental health after years of pretending i wasnt depressed so 🤷‍♀️

8. what is your all time favourite song(s)? brighter by paramore - first song i fell in love with by them and ive been hooked ever since. before i listened to them i only listened to chart music lmfao literally had never listened to anything else and then after listening to paramore i started listening to rock/pop punk music and discovered all the bands that i listen to now!

9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between? hm ig recently ive realised its gotta be someone who has the same kinds views and values as me (i mean not down to a t but like generally the same kinda views and like respect for others u know) uhh someone i feel comfortable around to act my true chaotic self 😌✌️and also comfortable to know we can both talk about anything with no judgement no matter what it is. but also someone that respects like having seperate lives from each other? like not needing to be in each others pockets and knowing even if it’s been a lil while u can still message and it’s like no time has passed

10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines? ooh i mean in 2018 i was working an office job in engineering and had a moment of like wow ive always wanted to work in events and especially live music and ive wanted to since i was like 13 and here i am 10 years later still considering that as a potential career path so ig it means something pretty significant and i decided to leave my perm job last year and go temp but then. yeah. this year happened so 🥴🤷‍♀️

i tag: @superbloomirwin @kindahoping4forever @spookydaddycal @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles @reveriesofawriter @mastasof-ravenkroft @rebelwith0utacause @karajaynetoday 💛

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[soofection]

jenkai discourse in retrospection

 (long post)

to take a slightly more light hearted break from all the updates regarding the burning sun case, I propose a discourse of jxk in retrospection after gaining all the new knowledge exposed by the media recently

dont read if you dont want to, if you read please dont come attack me for posting what I want on my own blog 🥰

In no way is what I type facts, and I am NOT comparing burning sun case with jxk (jxk is so insignificant and jxk is not a criminal case) yet I will make references to what the media and companies are capable of doing as proven by the exposure from the b. sun case regarding similar behaviours.

---

we now know that the kpop world is not what some once thought - an ideal fairytale land where idols/ the media never lie to us.

The truth:

We finally realize for sure that in korean ent. industry, sexual favours (in exchange for sponsors, promotion via media manipulation, basically fame and safety), offering prostitutes services... all in all using SEX is commonly used in return for connections / power / protection from the 'higher ups'.

why did jxk happen?

I propose: to cover yg x jni sex/sexual activities and jni has sponsors rumours (updated). After knowing yg is to a certain degree (personal assumption: large extent) involved in B.Sun and gangnam clubs, it makes sense to suspect that the jni rumour could be real. look up yg's past history, how he obtained his wife (emphasis, obtain). 12 years older yg 'fell in love' the moment he saw his wife as a second year middle school girl, recruited her at 16, ruined her career and married her. who knows how exactly yg treats his younger girl employees? Who is there to protect them?

but its just a 'groundless' rumour why was yg desperate?

to propose reasons: 1) it could be real, if so he HAS to camouflage it before it blows up further. 2) even if its not real, he didnt want to put bp's and his own name's reputation at stakes since bp is his most money earning group right now 3) if he doesnt make a deal with dispatch, who ofc are capable of digging deeper and they hate yg (proven by their ability to obtain kkt chats and exposing b.sun evidences) to supply them a fake scandal to cover ygxjni... dispatch WILL expose him. (also keep in mind jni has other sponsor rumour that might or not be true). and 4) - suggested by anon: yg could be taking precautions before b.sun scandal blows up. As we know b.sun revolves around sex crimes, Yg must get rid of the 'boss had sex with employee' label before b.sun blows up. Or else he will get dragged, it would be like adding oil on fire.

this theory is reinforced by allshitpop stating a media outlet discriminately announced 'the yg x jni rumour was false.' why purposefully mention it when no one asked?

but why ji?

main reason: hes an artist from sm. Yg desperately needed a scandal impacting enough to satisfy dispatch (releasing small unconvincing sandals will discredit dispatch's liability and reputation. ) But what to do when none of yg's male artists are popular enough to create a fuss nor any male groups's careers mature and stable enough to withstand the scandal pressure from the general public? the obvious solution is ofc to beg other big companies - sm or bighxt.

Most popular boy groups atm is still btx and ekso. honestly yg wouldve prefered btx due to their crazy fame, and jni will be their first dating scandal... the reactions would be DRAMATIC. yet in contrast to ekso, btx didnt really need to take that risk in hopes for more popularity. (rmb there would always be adverse effects when being involved in a dating scandal despite positive reactions and large no. of supporters). Also, even if btx has any scandals to cover, bighxt's recent merge with cj-enm (described as 'a powerhouse' aka very huge powerful company) means btx's any potential scandals can be taken care of for now. so that leaves ekso.

Who in ekso fits ji's image the most?

(hence will recieve 'positive' reactions and make them more aesthetically believable. without a doubt, its ji and his on going promoted sex appeal.) Reasons for ji and not other members: 1. theres no harm in giving him a beard (personal belief, ignore point 1. if you think homosexuality/kaisoo pairing isn't plausible) 2. to raise his popularity for his potential upcoming solo. 3. if someone who was involved in dating scandal before came up again, they probably predicts the pairing to be more positively recieved --> more supportors and a more hyped response from the public.

but none of that happened, the scandal was managed poorly. The paris evidence was made in a rush (dates didnt match) park pictures were too ambiguous (again dates and time didnt match), even when dispatch posted a pic of ji in a carpark supposedly came back from hawaii to give jni presents after landing - we learned from ji's own ig live that the day he wore the outfit in the photo, he had already returned to korea a few days ago, was around town shopping and went no where near the airport. Besides these failed attempts there was absolutely no other proof that jxk is real.

why was it poorly managed?

bc this is a rare collab between two big rival companies. Yg was the one begging at the start yet sm wasnt able to take full control of this scandal. Conflicts and disagreements upon makng many decisions were highly likely to occur between these two rivals.

The break up

a lot of fans were shocked when jxk broke up just after 25 days. (brand new record). what else is weird?

sm personally confirmed jxk broke up abruptly. Usually when couples break up, fan rumours start to float around first. But not this time, no rumours surfaced yet sm all of a sudden definitively stated that jxk broke up. Back then I already predicted it maybe because yg or bp got into trouble hence sm wanted to distance themselves as far as possible. I still stand by that idea.

Sm must get away from yg and b.sun case for the sake of theirs/ekso's reputation. sm def dont want to be dragged into the mess. Remember, sm as a huge company themselves def have their own dirt to hide, getting dragged means huge consequences if the investigators target them.

so why did sm agree in the first place? I assume its bc altho sm knew that yg had dirt to hide, they did not know it was something as serious, severe and big as b.sun case / tax evading case. Therefore, what are the coincidences that sm announced breakup shortly before dispatch sparked reinvestigation into b.sun by posting crucial evidences? (the first chats)

its highly possible that dispatch warned sm, (which makes them sound like the good guys but no. remember sm is dispatch's source of money and partnered with them many times. b.sun indeed aint directly related to sm, (as for now) dispatch has no reason to ruin sm) Or, sm could have found out through other sources that b.sun case will blow up soon. they quickly cut their collab with yg early, and announced break up probably without telling yg first. (since telling them possibly means giving dispatch away).

this also suggests that dispatch hates yg but anyway.

The benefits of ji

Comparing the two, jni seems to be the one who gained more from the scandal. She got most of media and the public's attention. there is an explanation for this - shes the 'rookier' one, and the trendier one out if the two since bp is still rising when ekso has reached their plateau. However, ji did gain his own lesser share of attention (indicated by the gained followers on his ig).

I have always said that when idols agree to be involved in a scandal, they are likely to get a 'reward.' but now thinking about it, agreeing to scandals is part of ji's contract, rewards are bonus but not obligations. Besides, the scandal itself supposedly helps ji gain popularity for solo and gains a beard, sm didnt NEED to give him more bonus. Often when idols get more modelling jobs / solo etc after scandals is bc sm uses the risen populairty from scandal as an opportunity to maximise profit by giving them more jobs, it might not be bc sm wants 'pamper' them.

Plan cut short

unfortunately for ji who is not getting his solo soon, the jxk plan flopped due to poor management, and was cut short due to b.sun case. The scandal did not fulfill what it was supposed to do and ended prematurely . Followed by the apparent troubles in sm negotiating contract terms with ekso, (delayed ekso schedules),chxn suddenly getting a solo, and the blowing up of b.sun case, ji might have missed his chance again. Or hes simply still preparing.

to summarize i want to clarify a few things.

- none of these are facts, but an overall picture forming one huge speculation.

- I dont try to defame bp or shame them. i also am not trying to state that girl artists def had sex with the hihgher ups. b.sun has shown us that men always have more power over women, and they rarely get protection.

- I want people to realize the dark side of kpop. The kpop industry is full of conspiracies, media manipulation and lies. What you see on tv is not who your idols are portrayed to be on camera. Don't impose your ideal vision on them and hurt others when reality suggests otherwise.

side note: this theory conveyed reinforcement to statements I've made before

- conspiracies are real and true. Look at all the dark and shady events involved in b.sun case

- media play, mass manipulation exist and are common practice.

- dispatch and sm collab and are partners on a case by case basis.

- idols lie on interviews all the time, their tv persona is different from the real them.

- companies offer protection for their idols

- it is indeed common practice to use one scandal to cover another

ANYTHING can happen in the world of the k ent industry. dont lightly dismiss any possibilities. We must analyse the sum of the situations - the full picture of any events before believing anything we are told.

[ursoself-satisfying]

Brian May takes a lot of photos n its gr8

omgomg I just thought of something n not to be a whole ass ho here but it's cute as FUCK heres some hardcore current Brian may feels for u

So Brian's on Instagram a lot right?? Well just imagine his social media when ur together,,, hes always posting lil things u do cus ur relationship is so new n hes so enthralled w everything about u it's the honeymoon phase n he loves it n his feed for a while is almost all u,, every other post is something to do w u it's about u teaching him to do things or him teaching u things n taking each other places n him being excited about it all

Then its sweet things like little thoughts he has about u n pics of u in the morning or stereos he takes of u when ur out in the garden n the sun is hazy n soft on ur hair or it's a random picture of ur hand n just him saying something vague n a bit ridiculous the way he does,, it's not v often anything explicit or anything too private or lovey dovey no hes a respectable man n he likes to keep that to himself but every once in a while like on a birthday or holiday or anniversary is the like he posts a collection of photos of u most of which r silly n poorly framed but they're so genuine n candid n they're so full of love like it's just u at a cafe n theres nothing special about this date but he just thought u looked absolutely radiant n he insisted u let him take a photo of u n share ur beauty w the world

Whether ur an artist or not he also is ur number one hype man ok like anything u wanna do he 110% supports u n it can be overwhelming at times lol but it's all from love like if ur an artist hes constantly posting about ur latest work n sharing it w people n wanting u to get all the credit n attention he believes u deserve n hes just so proud!!!! Hes so happy ur successful n he wants to help u anyway he can!!!

Other things he posts would be like cheeky photos of gifts he gets u or things he surprises u w,, but mostly its things u do together places u go n see,, other times its u teaching him to knit n he takes a video of it or its him teaching u to chart stars n ur just so darn cute when ur focusing he cant help but wanna photograph u

Besides posting this stuff he also just loves to take pictures of u all the time, this is either just on his phone or whatever is close but he personally likes to use his stereo n this leads to all sorts of impromptu photo sessions of u in the garden or the kitchen n it's all v sweet n silly n domestic n u certainly dont mind being the center of attention or a muse but then sometimes it's a bit more private,, its pictures taken in the early morning when the suns just barely come up n ur still asleep n ur bare n shivering in the cold fresh air n he just loves how gentle n unassuming u look when ur asleep ur like a little angel on a cloud n he adores u n the soft rise n fall of ur chest n the little puffs of air that leave ur mouth when u snore lightly

Those r his fav pics, personally, the ones when ur so blissfully unaware of how gorgeous u r,, such unintentional ethereal beauty,, it just amazes him n leaves him breathless everytime n hes so in love n so soft for u n he keeps these pictures close to his heart his precious secret treasure he doesnt share w anyone

On the flip side theres also some saucy boudoir photos he takes when the two of u get hot n heavy n this collection is one he frequently revisits ;;)) its photos of u panting on top of him giving the camera a tired blissed out smile n then of u beneath him w ur lips in an 'o' shape n ur eyes rolling back n they're all a bit blurry,, then theres another of u posing for him w ur legs spread n showing off ur love for him n then u from behind w this mischievous look in ur eyes n then some w ur face buried in the sheets n drool pooling around ur cheeks,,

Theres some of him too from ur perspective,, him looking over u w his curls thrown back or him beneath u biting his lip n smiling shyly,, theres a few selfies w him thrusting into u from behind or some v soft post coital ones of u curled up on his chest n him sleeping soundly,, or some closer photos of his larger hand splayed out on ur ass or some fuzzy shots of u trying to get the hickies on ur neck,, theres some V nsfw ones as well w his face between ur legs or vice versa or hands cupping things or close ups of ur hips grining against his,,, he loves it all he loves every photo the two of u take together especially these n he saves them for the days hes away for work n misses u like no other

But wait!!! Then theres the VIDEOS cus ofc hes constantly taking soft videos of u either holding animals or gardening or cooking or just reading or sleeping or maybe playing music or he loves the one he has of u dancing uwu but theres also some of the two of u fucking def,,, he set up the camera one night so it could record the bed n u both agreed to this n were excited if not a bit nervous n u had to coax him down from feeling like he had to put on any show n just to focus on making love to u n he did just that n u def think something about the thought of being able to see this later or just the scandal of having a sex tape turned him on cus it was some of the best sex of ur life,, n he takes it w him when hes on tour n frequently watches it when hes alone lol sometimes not even to get off just to see u n hear u in this intimate n remember exactly how u sound, tho he knew he could never forget it

Speaking of when hes away on tour,, hes fond of receiving nudes but not so much sending (hes a bit insecure even tho u tell him all the time how gorgeous n sexy he is it's the age gap it gets to him) but every once in a while he sends a nice one of himself for u n u just adore it u treasure it n keep it close cus it's so rare n hes just such a GOD n u just love him sm,, but anyway not only do u send him plenty of teasing nudes when hes gone but sometimes when u kno hes going to be away for an especially long period of time u go get professional boudoir photos taken n u sneak them into his bag so he sees them when he lands n he just cannot even wait to use them hes already getting hard knowing what's sitting in his suitcase for him to unpack later,,, he also appreciates the effort u put into getting this photos done n that u take the time to make physical copies for the old man n his old fashioned ways (tho he cant say he wasnt jealous of the fact someone else got to take these photos even if he does love the surprise)

I think if he or when he figures out snapchat he would love it n it would be the primary way the two of u spoke during tours n such,, waking up to a good morning snap of him in bed n sending back an equally teasing one n that just keeps going thru the day n its quick n easy n it fulfills his need to see u

He still loves to look back thru his phone n look at all the pictures he has of u (in an organized folder u showed him how to make) not even the saucy ones mostly the soft ones the ones of u just living ur life in the most beautiful natural way it's the ones of u in ur pjs w a toothbrush in ur mouth or first thing in the morning w bags under ur eyes or midday of u on the couch half asleep w ur lunch sitting half eaten besides u n reruns on tv or u concentrating on something u love or u driving or sleeping or getting dressed or undressed just anything u do he loves (not in a creepy way rip) n that's the stuff he thinks about n looks at most frequently when hes away he still loves the NSFW stuff he rly rly does trust me but he loves u n all that u r on an everyday basis the most it's not just the sex or the sensual moments it's the love n the domesticity of it all

Anyway he loves to take photos of u n he loves seeing photos of u n receiving photos of u,, he doesn't like photos being taken of him as much but he does love when u take photos n he loves that u love to take photos n God just hes a sentimental old man who cherishes tangible memories n loves u n what more could u want ::""))

just, FUCK ,,Brian n taking photos of u ok that's all that's the post fuck fuck me up oof

DUDE I DIDNT EVEN RLY GET INTO THE IG PART OF IT like him trying to find a balance of posting about n then on top of that any drama that unfolds bc of that!!! Like u having to help him learn the intricacies of social media or people being awful bc ur so young n him just dealing w all that!!! Finding ways to ignore the bs n the rude comments n then ur own ig any drama that comes to u by way of him posting about u or just all that type of stuff!!!! That's a whole nother discussion!!!! But I adore it all the love the angst the soft feels!!!!! I just love him uwu

[namuneulbo]

week forty-one

this week was quite good!! i felt quite productive. a lot of big things happened this week too.

we began practicing for the rock concert. im singing in the choir. it’s more fun than i expected. before practice we had this dance thingy and it was SO AWKWARD. the entire music department left one by one and soon it was just the art majors left. it was funny walking to the back and being met by everyone in my major lol

on tuesday we just had a theory day. i wouldve been alone for the second part of the day when l went to their vocal lesson but i got to join another group after awkwardly barging into a meeting in the teachers’ office.

wednesday was long and boring and i almost fell asleep in class. i felt bad bc i sat in the front middle so the teacher mustve felt annoyed by it :(

i went thrifting w l and m after school. i had a lil break before meeting up w them so i went home for a bit and had some food. after thrifting i had some time to spare before leaving to the gay meeting. idk what to call it. queer meet-up? after the meeting, me, l, m and this new person, m, went out to drink. we originally planned on going to the bar but only one of us brought an id and also... expensive.

we ended up going by the store and picking out a few drinks and then went to school to drink it. it was nice but i got tipsy from one bottle. it was a bad flavor too.

on friday we had two quizzes but i went home from school early after the first one bc my stomach started hurting really fucking bad. i ended up staying home the entire day. in the evening i matched w someone i knew irl on badoo?????????????????? i saw her profile earlier on it but didnt swipe bc 1) i thought she was still in a relationship and 2) i wasnt particularly interested. a few days later i saw she had visited my profile. somehow she managed to send me a message wo matching first. now were going on a sushi date and i feel so bad bc im not necessarily interested. ive kind of lost interest in d too but i just saw he favourited me and i feel so bad aaaaaaa

on sat i scrolled tiktok for hours before getting up and almost immediately l came over to hang out. we ended up hanging the entire day and then also having a sleepover. we mostly just hung out at my place but then we went to mcdonalds when we got hungry. l fell in love w someone there and then we went to our school to check out the basement and then play piano. while playing piano we got added into a gc filled w all music majors and were asked to come to a party. we decided to go and it turned out to be a blast. it was my first proper party (imo). it was chill, we just played a bunch of drinking games the entire night. it was not as awkward as expected. we were ten ppl in total: me, l, k, n, c, i, v, c, p and h. after the party died down and ppl started leaving me and l joined n, c and v for food. i didnt get anything bc i planned to eat at home but i joined since l wanted some food.

sunday !! no hangover. ive never had one. im just blessed like that ig.

sotw: jackson wang - 100 ways

[hoesie-blog1]

whaddup its me ella with josie as a muse n ur watching hawkings channel!

this is basically just me rambling around josie and im really sorry if none of it makes sense i tried xx

she group up in a small town where everyone knew everyone, they all thought the same, and they hated the idea of being different or going out of the norm like everything had to be the same  n nothing could b  different

she grew up in a household where  she  was told what to do, what to think, how to act, etc. growing up she never had the ability to really grow as her own because her family and town were the ones molding her the entire time and she hated that like josie hated how everyone was the same and that she didnt really know who she was like? she just knew how she was SUPPOSED to be not how she really was u know?

once high school graduation came around, josie bounced hella fast from her town and family and decided to travel. her parents hated that bc they said all  she’d ever need was what  the  town was giving her and josie was like lmfao WHAT and  they were like yes! stay! and then when she kept  refusing  they  said if she left the town then thatd b it for her. like theyd support her finanically (which wasnt much bc their family wasnt really rich and the only reason  why they said  they’d support her fiananically was in case  josie ended  up getting  somewhere high  in life and they wanted her money  when josie made it big if she ever did). 

anymemes josie took it and left. she travelled with what she had saved up and probs went to like. canada or something because  lets b real she didnt have much saved up n canada was already pushing it lowkey. bitch isnt rich she cant afford to leave north america. 

during her travels the main point of it all  was to find  herself and find answers that she  needed  to finish the puzzle that is josie  ahn’s true self and she thot it was going to work bc  she heard traveling  alone lets u discover herself and ya that worked but she found out she had magic running through her veins n shes like word so  i wanted a puzzle piece  and got a whole ass different puzzle instead? word ok ok  ok 

so  that happened. after her travels in canada she was more confused  than ever and attended hawkings. she was still confused, still doesnt kno who she  is, now shes a literal witch w powers. cute! 

when she heard about the circle/other witches in hawkings ig she decided to join so maybe it would give her answers she needs bc shes confused n honestly she’ll literally try anything once like. when it came  to possibly killing someone she didnt hesitate she just said ok lets do it!

morally speaking, i dont think josie has much of a compass bc ig she  had  one before in  the town  but honestly  she despises everything they taught her and told her to b so she doesnt  care much about  her compass so i guess shes not really morally  good n leans more morally bad just bc shes like lmfao i dont know who i am ill  do anything  once idc if the devil is the one cheering me on for it. ill b the devil if thats who im supposed to b type of thing u kno? 

shes literature major n is HOE (not only for dicks n vaginas!) for reading and writing n comics!!!!!

she writes everything that goes around her whether its experiences,  conversations she had, or conversations  she over heard like  she just. writes write  writes and writes

she  writes characters  hoping she’ll be able to resonate with her and  make her feel like o wow this character is  ME! u  kno like  shes writing to find herself shes using her characters almost  like test  trials i guess u  could say  

she lives for  comics and superheros bc of the origin  stories that superheros have u kno? they all start off not knowing who they are  and theyre  confused as josie  but along their storyline, they find themselves and thats what josie wants  like she wants 2 be like them n find out who she is. is she the devil? is she a hero? are we dating? are we fucking? are we  best friends? are we something? u know its just all the  questions 

her main point  is finding answers thats all this hoe bitch wants  she wants answers she wants to know y  she has these powers n who shes supposed 2 b someone educate josie on josie pls she begs

when it  comes to magic, she  has a love/hate for it? she likes the advantags and thrills it gives her, but she  hates how it feels like a burden on herself bc its ANOTHER THING she has to understand about herself u feel but she’d never  tell anyone that u kno shes in the circle she  doesnt want them knowing that she lowkey hates her magic 

uhmmmm what  else is there??? 

o ya she  loves the devil lettuce just because she likes how honest and free  people are when theyre  high and how good the body feels like its not tense its all relaxed and the  food  is good and the music  is SO FUCKIN GOOD ITS  LIKE UR HAVING UR OWN CONCERT ESPEICALLY WHEN U LAY ON UR BED GOD I WISH I HAD  AN EDIBLE FOR THIS A NUT

but ya she’ll write little things while shes high or tries to rmemeber  how  people are

shes a lowkey follower i guess u can call her bc  she’ll try anything and test it out to see if its her but for the most part she tries to be independant but right now she  cant b  bc shes taking other  peoples ideas n trying to make them her own but its hard bc she grew up sharing other people ideas n keeping  them the  way they are so she finds it hard to change them bc they lowkey end  up being the same as everyone else still

loves a good party. a hoe. will literally do anything once it could b an activity, a hobby, a person, literallly anything. she’ll  literally  try  anything once. 

anything. 

I FORGOT  THIS BUT UH BASICALLY SHE DOESNT KNOW ANYONE IN HER  FAMILY W MAGIC SHE GREW UP HER ENTIRE LIFE NOT KNOWING ABOUT IT UNTIL SHE FINALLY  FOUND  OUT SHE HAD IT N SHE WAS LIKE WTF???? THE  ONLY  FAMILY SHE KNOWS IS HER IMMEDIATE FAILY SHE DONT KNOW HER EXTENDED  OK 

thats it for josie (or for now bc i cant think of anything) buT  YAH! THATS IT! pls plot w me xx we can make it ugly or cute xxxx

[yuichiroe]

So this is going to address everything i have been accused of by @yuichrio in the past. Some of this will be me debunking and some of this will be me blatantly admitting to stuff i have done wrong. Im going to be using screenshots from yuus post about me. 

Theres going to stalking mentions and suicide mentions and for a vrief moment there is a drug mention  so be wary of that. Here is the original post abouit me

Lets just start from the beginning of their post abt me

apparently this started in 2015 shortly after i had broken up with yuu. it was a very messy breakup that i dont want to get into.

he claims that after i had broken up with him, i started using his typing style and started iding as ciel out of no where (which he had ided as at the time)

He uses this as proof/context of me taking his format/style

i will not be commenting on this as i cannot really... remember much from 2015 and maybe i had an unearthly grudge against him back then but honestly i cant say much bc i cant remember.

then he fast fowards to 2017

like he says in the post, me and him were on ok terms by this time. he says he has no idea i had even been following him until one of his friends told him i was following him. i had been following yuu for a long time on vent and after a while i knew it was him but never directly approached him or really even interacted with him much because i had no ill feelings regarding him at the time and didnt care to start anything with him. 

anyways back in january, yuu attempted to commit suicide(im only bringing this up because he did). and a week later, i list yuichiro hyakuya on my me page. he’s ided as yuu for a very long time, and anyone whos been mutuals with him for a while will know that. He made a post abt it on ig and he has addressed my responses to the post.

Here, i say i have been hiding that id for about a month. which right here, that was a lie. i had just started iding as yuichiro.. probably a few days ago. But, under that where i say i had been questioning for a few months is very true. they get dms from their friend of a hidden account i made when i ided as not yuu but mika. 

so to explain, his friend showed him a secret account in which i ided as mika. i tagged myself in art of mika and my boyfriend at the time as yuichiro. Let me explain this in the best way possible since all the other times i had tried to explain, yuu either interrupted me or kept refuting with ‘LOL U HAVENT BEEN QUESTIONING FOR MONTHS’. i had. i had tried to get into owari no seraph many times before this happened. no one has to believe my word on this, and since i have no proof, this can totally be disregarded. i didnt want to id as yuu at first because i actually liked having yuu as a friend. he was a nice mutual. i also didnt want to start petty kin drama with him either. i knew he’d blow up on me. so, i ided as mika instead for a few days. i wanted to see if it would feel like an okay coping id as thats what i thought yuichiro would only be if i decided to id as him. i dont remember if i was planning on sbing him at the time because his boyfriend ids as mika and i knew he’d still be uncomf but i didnt know if he’d blow up. in turn, i made a secret kin account to try and see if iding as mika felt right. Obviously, seeing how most of my identity revolves around yuichiro, it didnt. i had to drop the id within two days because it never felt like me.

this is why it was posted on the same day. you can write this off as bullshit, but this is my explanation.

he now says despite me being white, i went by yuu. which is entirely my bad. i have since then used yuu as an alternate name which isnt something i ever should have done. Now here is where things get Messy.

so here i am, giving frustrated and annoyed responses. this is because he was so intent on me trying to steal his identity and be him. And by now ‘identity’ doesnt just mean me iding as yuichiro. he claims that i have stolen traces of his personality and maybe even his personality as a whole.  This whole situation here can be refuted with the above ‘questioning’ explanation. i had lied about me being yuu for a few months, but the questioning argument still stands as that was 100% the truth.

when he addressed this, i acted out of anger and annoyance and insulted him and just left my account because at the time, i was 99% sure he  wasnt going to listen to my explanations and were intent on him being right. i wasnt in the right for just abandoning my account without talking this out maturely and just giving sarcastic responses, but this is what happens when im called out on stuff, even if it was true or not. i apologize for sarcastic and aggressive behavior. this probably couldve been avoided if i had just tried to explain myself in a calm manner.

i had moved accounts after this. i would sometimes go back on it to see if yuu was talking shit about me, to which he had eventually found out about and sbed said account. now, he shows dms of me ‘cutting off’ people that do not agree with me and

i am going to shed light on these dms.

this person and i have a bad past in general, they have accused me of things i will not go into now, but to shed light on This situation here, they had been making me uncomfortable for a few week anyways. they said they would support me being mikaela when i admitted to them i was going to id as mika for the time being. then, they turned around on me and sent yuu some stuff that i had told them about me being mikaela as receipts on me. so not only had they made me very uncomfortable, but they had broken my trust in them and i didnt want contact with them anymore. to show why i was uncomfortable with this person, here is a screenshot of them vagueing me on their ig account after we had ‘made up’ for past situations. 

so yeah you can see why i was uneasy in the first place. they were jealous of my bf and i being closer than i was to them. they later apologized, but i didnt completely forgive them as it made me and my bf WILDLY uncomfortable about her. so yeah, them breaking was trust was the last straw and i cut her off. Here is another instance of mecutting someone off that they show

NOW THIS... .Ohhhh h hhhh hhm ygod this is a fucking. Okay. this was my qpp. i had recently broken off from being qpps with him because of his drug addiction. He knew drugs made me uncomfortable and yet he still posted about him being high as hell on sleep meds and texted me about whenever he was fucked up and would always crytype his was out of situations . i would frequently vent about him to my bf at the time and after a while, he got upset about me being closer to my bf than i was to him. (i had only been qpps with him for a few weeks, maybe even less and i had been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and had stronger feelings for him.) i have very little receipts on the shit hes said to me bc i have since blocked him on multiple accounts and do not have access to his vent accounts. him and i had cut ties Multiple times after i broke off being qpps with him, but he kept coming back to me and telling me he loved me which i didnt want to hear anymore. after the drama with yuu (even though he stated 3028534905840958 times that he couldnt hate anyone because it was ‘against his morals’) he posted some Very ugly shit about me.

this is all i can dig up because i think i had deleted most of the screenshots because i hated seeing them in my camera  roll. but there were Many posts like this of him wanting me to kill myself and for craig to leave me.

 he made up shortly after this drama but i didnt accept it or forgive him. 

now, back to the yuu drama.

what edna claimed i copied for the ‘clicky clicky’ thing was on my blog where the links where i put ‘clicky clicky!’ and yuu had that in his links. While it was a petty thing to accuse me of and i have to admit, i didnt copy it from his blog, he did have the same thing on his links.

at this point i was vaguing people on tumblr that were involved in this drama

and i had yuu blocked and i did try to unblock him multiple times at his request, but for some reason on mobile it will not let me unblock people.

heres a screenshot of me being immature and avoiding the problem yet again.

heres a half assed apology from me and after that i left it all alone and so did he.

skipping to march 2017

i requested him on vent out of paranoia and i wanted to know if he had any vent of him talking shit about me. at the time, i went by a different name and had different ids listed but i quickly changed everything back. he got uncomfortable with me very quickly out of paranoia of him thinking i was going to steal is bf from him just because i was friends with him. mika was a sweetheart but i am not a homewrecker + i am 99% sure i was dating someone at the time Lol.....

skip to april 2017

i send another apology to which i later admit it was only to follow them to see if yuu was talking shit... i will get into that later when it comes up again.

here is me ‘admitting’ to everything they have accused me of. this was mostly bs and to try to End this shit. i did get the idea to id as yuu from yuu bc? i wouldnt have really found out abt o////w////ari/// no se///ra///ph at the time if not because of yuu and his bf. i am not going to get into the iding outside of my race thing now. at the time. i had not been trying to separate myself from nonwhite ids as most of them had helped me cope with insecurities and whatnot. as for the abusive tendencies thing, i had showed abusive behavior in the past and will not make up excuses for that and for a long while now, i have been bettering myself in that sense

like i said, the apology was bullshit. but now, i am actually sorry to yuu for saying such nasty shit to him just because i was in the wrong for some things and didnt want to admit it.

tyeah like i said the mika thing was mostly paranoia on their part since i never had any intent on making mika hate yuu or to date them or whatever they thought i was attempting to do. so after that shit was pretty peaceful. until i started iding as ciel.so yuus bf dms me all, ‘i gotta sb you for rn’ and im all ‘ok’ and they both sb me at the same time and now i realize smth was wrong and apparently i did smth and that smth was iding as ciel.... Which let me be honest i forgot that yuu ever ided as ciel since the last time he brought up that id was probably around a few years back a little after we broke up as shown at the top of this. so that shit was left alone but iwas So confused as to why they both sbed me at the time + i was so scared they were spewing hate abt me to their followers so i made a spy account to try to figure out wth even happened. 

i, of course, made it seem like i didnt know what the fuck he was talking abt. but yeah this was me. fast forward to may 10th i had begun iding as yuichiro again as a main id and was gradually getting more and more attached to that id. on vent, i had changed my name to yuichrio and used yuus art as my icon. I had debunked the icon thing as i found it on google, but i knew very well that yuichrio was yuus url. i just wanted the next best thing to yuichiro in all honesty but it was still kinda gross of me to use his url and it kinda dug me into a deeper hole.

here the comparison that yuu made.   They asked me to take down that pfp which i did and then i deleted their comment and blocked them immediately.

now to may 11th

This still makes me uncomfortable that even now they keep up with my new blogs/users even though i have only interacted with them Once since this happened and it was a complete accident. (i followed him last night on accident).

like yuu said himself, this was his weakest argument in this entire thing. maybe i had gotten a few ideas from his links before, but generally, most people do use those things in their links. 

Now i do believe i was reincarnated and i have delusions as well so i  dont know if i am just ... delusional abt being reincarnated or if i am actually am but this is what i believe and like i said, i am not going to delve into spiritual beliefs and i certainly didnt get the idea from yuu. 

this was the only evidence that i had to give to yuu. but i did debunk the icon thing.

yeah things get out of hand again. they had receipts on me and knew i was lying about all this so as soon as they wouldnt believe what i was saying 100%, i was getting to be ... a bad sport lol.

i got passive aggressive towards yuu and 

in turn i started insulting him and blatantly lying again.

“so what sky was saying here is an obvious lie. i mean, theres the fact that i KNOW the request was accepted before this dm started, the 7 hour gap before i replied for them to drink that all in, and the fact that they literally SAID they are following me, right there. so obviously they were aware they were following me and had no reason to make up some random fake “apology”. i still have no clue what their motive was, but it says a lot about the kind of person they are.” yeah this is all vwery true i didnt have to actually apologize as i had already been accepted and i knew very well of that fact.

so here is where he tries to analyze me

heres with the questioning shit again so go back up for that explanation.

Hwre is where i get Angry again and start to just want this situation Over because hes brining up shit i could not refute at the time. 

so after all this, i block yuu once again. this is all that i have on this situation in the posts about me that yuu has made. i have followed yuus accounts many times and in a way you can call that stalking but my reasoning for doing that was to see if he was shit talking me 99.9% of the time. if i had picked up any of yuus personality traits im sorry.  adn i am sorry for being so immature and not admitting to my fault earlier. i want this drama to be 100% done and for this shit to Never happen again i am not going to add onto this post unless yuu himself asks for me to explain some more shit that i hasnt listed. i am sorry to yuu for copying your layouts and for repeatedly stalking your accounts. i want nothing to do with you or this situation anymore after this post.

[gaylilfireball-blog]

Rant time (open for discussion if you want)

(Hey sheridan if you could just not read this thatd be great thanks)(but tbh i mean i cant stop you so🤷‍♀️)

Okay so yesterday i spent a better part of the day cuddling with this guy. Hes someone ive been friends with for almost a year and a half but its been a friendship mostly revolves around heloing each other through depression. Anyway last few months ive been working on actually making it a more thoughtful friendship bc he is genuinely a sweet guy.

About a week ago i hung out with him for the first time and we just walked around the mall being obnoxious teenagers and i walked with him to his apartment because he wanted to show it to me and i didnt want to make him walk by himself. Well then i was leaving and he ended up walking me back to my car at the mall. A few days after that we had planned to hang out again but this time at my house (wanted to meet the cats)

Like a day or two after that i kind of had a crisis and wasn't sure if i was developing feelings or not. I had a little crush but i wasnt sure if it was because i actually genuienly like him or if i was just latching on because he paid attention to me. He also has been pretty flirty for most of the time ive known him but its a small enough that it can still be considered friendly and him jusy being nice. I had asked about it previously and he mentioned that he tended to come across as flirty to a lot of people on accident. Anyway i did the ol' 20 questions thing and hinted out that there was a possibility of a crush but didn't mention anything after it

Hours later into the conversation he said that crush was mutual. I did make it fairly clear that i needed to figure out my jead and that i didnt know what was going on and that i wasnt promising anything. We continued the random q n a over the next day or two and it was a generally pretty open 20 questions. Didnt really not answer anything.

Well on the day he was coming over he planned to bring a movie (Rango) and i wanted to watch the black mirror movie so it was like already pre established we planmed to have casual movie day. We had both been keeping up the casual flirting and whatnot and like the night befire he had asked me if i wanted to cuddle as we watched movies. I did one of those like half answer things and basically did the "theoretically yes, realistically im anxious" but it was fine🤷‍♀️.

(I should probably preface with the fact that about 2 years ago i came out as pan rom and ace but like thats still very confusing bc honestly sexuality is hard? Ive dome some things that def werent ace and i enjoyed them kinda? More if the emotional aspect rather than any physical pleasure? But i still have very mixed feelings about said things so i dont even kmow anymore. Its kind of like i want to do and experience those things with another person (boy or girl) but like the thought if a dick kind of rly grosses me out and i dislike General nudity. So that aspect of my life is super wacky.)

(My first and only relationship was with a girl and it lasted about a year and 4 months. We lived pretty far away from each other (like a 30 min drive which was a lot bc neither of us amhad our license at the time) but we had been best friends for years prior. We did practice on the same team 12-16 hours a week together but we werent able to actually be a couple at the gym. Anyway we were already pretty close and comfortable with each other and it became like that physically as well. However i was very conflicted physically because i wanted the emotional bond that came with physical intimacy but the actual like pleasure aspect wasnt quite there. In the moment it was generally fine and enjoyable but ive never really understood like the big deal kind of? And afterwards it was kind of uncomfortable to think about so i mostly just ignored it. I also think i allowed myself to go too fast bc we knew each other really well but not necessarily in the relationship aspect. So we had been dating for 3 months maybe but i would have only seen her outside of practice like 4 times? I domt know im just kimd of scared of doing that again)

But anyway back to my story. Yesterday the boy camw to my house and it was pretty casual playing uno and joking around with each other. We started watching rango and were sitting on two pieces of a sectional together but not really together id you know what i mean. It was more of like separate cushions and i was leaning up against the wall on a pillow but our legs were touching. (He totally thought at one point he was playing footsie with me but it actually my shin. That was pretty hilarious) He also made a terrible joke "why are you using that pillow when theres a 6'2" one right here" (yes he is tall boy but i am tall girl so its fine) (i didnt take him up on the offer either.)

We had later moved to my bed to watch black mirror on my phone and were laying on our stomachs side by side. Totally ended up pressed together along oir sides and he was playing with my feet but it was warm and nice but goodness i was nervous. There was so much like tension.

I ended up flipping onto my back (bc i can only lay on my front for so long befire my shoulders and arms absolutely die) and told him he could do whatever but that i was laying on my back. He took that as an invitation to cuddle on me (it kind of was ) and thank god bc i was losing my mind. It just started out with his head on my shoulder/chest but as we got more comfortable his arm was around me and i was leaning into him.

Anyway(how amny times do you think ima say this lord) it was real nice and all but what inspired this rant was that i wish id like participated more in cuddling or like done something more with it. But then again im also like noooo dont go too fast calm doooown.

I also have the problem of like not being completely attracted to him. More of emotionally attracted but maybe im alao just attracted to the idea of him and i really could put anybody in that place? But he keeps fishing for compliments and its rly hard bc im not one to be untruthful but i look at hom and its just ?? I dont know. Thinking back to my ex girlfriend i never particularily found her attractive until we agreed there was mutual feelings and right before we dtarted dating? Then she basically became the light of my life and was perfect in my eyes. Kind of hoping that happens with this boy but i dont know.

I really just dont wanna like get his hopes uo and like keep it going that hey i like you and thrn jist kind of throw it all away later? But i also really love this whole like casual awkward flirting and im desparate for cuddles in my life. But it could also just be with anyone and i feel terrible for it.

So yeah what do??

Also thanks for actually reading through this clusterfluff mess of writing. Gosh this actually could be like a fanfic i wrote wow. Idk feel free to leave your thoughts ig. Do you want you want😂🤷‍♀️🙃

[gravelyotempo]

I'm questioning and I'm pretty sure I'm bi but what were some of the signs you noticed that you liked girls if you don't mind me asking?

ohhhh boy well basically it took me like over a year to get from the first time i started having like a crush on an actual real life girl i knew to accepting that i wasnt straight/was bi (which im now not sure on but for the purposes of this) bc i was so like stuck on the idea that i didnt reaallly like her or that i just looked up to her/wanted her to like me bc i thought of her as cooler than me but basically in terms of this one girl which started it all it was a case of realising it was romantic/sexual:

-getting suddenly more nervous/excited when she came into class like i would be there waiting for her to arrive and instantly feel different when she did. i didnt really know what different was at first but there you go

-feeling like 10x more validated if any positive like idk affirmation came from her like i cared infinitely more about her opinion than anyone else even the other girls I wanted to be like

-basically just thinking not only about how beautiful/hot/smart/funny whatever they are but also about how you would be like with them if that makes sense? Like I wouldn’t just think wow that lipstick looks good on her but damn wish shed kiss me w that lipstick on put that shit all over my neck

-people would say ‘do you like anyone who would you date’ and I would instantly think of her and worry people would like figure it out somehow

-I would have really detailed ideas/fantasies I guess about dates and stuff like I would glance at her and have this whole evening planned

-ahh she was just so beautiful like I would just not actually be able to stop looking at her but also not look directly at her bauidbw

-when u get paired for a group project and you hear your names together and you feel the bass drop in ur stomach…..

-in this case she had a girlfriend which made me like relieved that she was gay but also incredibly jealous and insecure and like… no I didn’t really know I was queer at this point but I knew I cared a lot about lgbt rights and id always been quite a zealous ally lol so for me to see them together and feel bad was a big indicator for me bc everyone would talk about how cute they were together and id be like nah fuck that other girl lol

-I would always have very like vague fantasies/thoughts when it came to thinking about sex bc I wouldnt have specific guys or acts in mind but like crushing on this girl I would think a lot more specifically if u get me………….

Then the basically once I allowed myself to sort of realise I wasn’t just an overenthusiastic like open minded ‘well I wouldn’t say never!!’ Ally I started noticing these like signs of attraction so much more when it came to girls and more with people I met irl than just wow isn’t Natalie dormer so hot u know like

Just letting them pass on the street and getting a kick out of it

The girl serving me in a bakery and id just go oooh hi

This girl I worked with who tbh laughed at everything but ah it felt so good making her laugh and I didn’t even have a proper crush on her just wanted to make girls laugh

Then theres like celeb crushes like …….. I got it really really R eally bad for jasmine cep has jones and like to me that was obviously attraction bc again jealousy (all these people who post jaj content but are obsessed w her an Anthony like no I’m trine pretend she’s my gf lol leave me Be) and also like w male celeb ‘crushes’ id had before Id like watch interviews and stuff and be like oh they’re smart funny whatever but w my ‘girl crushes’ it would be like an ig pic or jasmines voice or that Natalie dormer shoot where she’s getting out of the pool u know the one and id lie…. Legitimately have a jaw drop moment wiufbi

U know like to me attraction is just a feeling like an instant recognition of someone as oooh they’re different they’re special like u just Notice them and sit a little straighter and get that energy thats like calming but adrenaline you know??? Thats ahhhh nervous but also like ur insides are smiling and keep glancing back at them like ahhhh did she see

Like when I see a cute girl I’m just like ooooo nice

U said you’re pretty sure so I would say honestly once you start to accept ur feelings as legit you will probably start to notice it more and more and like recognise those feelings more? Bc tbh I don’t think I recognised my own attraction like how I feel when I like someone before this girl bc I hadn’t had a crush as strong as that (except for guys when I was younger which I’m now not sure on but whatever)

Its v hard to explain but hopefully this was in some way helpful? Feel free to ask anything more specific if it wasn’t!

Good luck my friend Idk about you but questioning was a proper quagmire of overthinking and paranoia for me and still is tbh so I hope ur alright and get to a point where ur sure and happy!! x