#not trying to claim anyone elses ideas as my own

[gay-dorito-dust]

just some random one piece stuff.

buggy didn't get to experience kindess or deep understanding from anyone other then you in his entire life, he was the flashy fool and the occasional punching bag for those far more powerful then him. Yet all you've ever done when coming into his life was wordlessly patch him up when he was roughed up by others, sit by him as he ranted about anything and everything, and even comb his hair when he couldn't bring himself to do it without getting annoyed with how it didn't seem to listen to him.

Despite eveything you've been told about him you stayed regardless, and somehow that meant more to Buggy then he could ever fathom, never having seem himself as someone worth staying for at all. It made the man feel feelings he onced wanted to ignore, now it was something he couldn't deny to even himself no matter how hard he tried, for he couldn't bring himself to imagine a life without your kindness and paitience that you've shown him constantly.

So you defying everything he's ever believed about himself thus far has made him think that maybe, just maybe, he was worthy of being loved after all. This all comes ahead when your just about to drift off to sleep, when you felt him kiss your cheek as your eyes opened to look at Buggy as the tip of his ears blossomed in a nice shade of red, his eyes kept glancing at the now red lipstick mark that might as well have glowed vibrantly in the dark. 'Buggy?' you asked softly.

'you're too kind, too good for me at least.' he told you in equal soft voice, resting his head on your shoulder, secretly worried of what your expression would be which meant he didn't see how you visbly softened at this.

'And you're too hard on yourself.' You replied as you kissed his head, coaxing him to lift his head from your shoulder and look at you once more, pressing a kiss to his furrowed brows. 'far too hard on yourself, that you don't get to see how some people could see your beauty and see you shine.' you add as you kiss his lip quickly before pulling away, some of his lipstick having passed over on your lips from the sweet action. 'but i see you, i see you shine my sweet show stealer and i couldn't be more proud of you.'

Needless to say you were bombared by rapid fire kisses to your face, lips, neck and more by a restless Buggy, who wanted to reciprocate your affection by smothering your face in kisses, so that you might not comment on the fact that he was indeed tearing up while doing so.

kidd doesn't express his affection as much as you'd hope he would, yet accepting that doing such things weren't Kid's style, and also accepting that the only level of such affection was bound in possessivness and territorial feelings that would be brought up every now and then.

It made you feel less sometimes, being somewhat loved by a man who felt the need to uphold his reputation by ripping his arm away whenever you tried reaching for it, glaring at you from the corner of his eye while doing so to show his disapproval. Though the same couldn't be said when he felt as though someone else was trying to make a move of what was his, it had often left you confused more or less of the time as he bared his teeth at others.

'do you actually love me? or do you just love the idea of having someone to claim as your own, uncaring of how they feel when you make them feel as though your love is a performance or an act you only do when felt threatened, like an injured animal?' was the biggest question that lingered within your mind when you watch Kidd from afar, for you didn't feel as if you knew where you stood with him on most occasions, it made you put into question most -if not all- of your interactions with the red haired man.

So even when he did kiss your cheek, leaving his signiture shade of red upon your skin, much like a glaring warning to anyone who crosses the path no one should cross. You ended up wiping it off with the back of your hand, though not entirely as streaks of his lipstick clung to you possessively as the man himself. The kisses didn't feel genuine and it made you feel sick enough to rip yourself away from Kid and leave the bar that you and the rest of the crew were rasing hell within.

Killer would have to talk sense into Kid as to why you weren't pleased with the affection given to you, telling him why to you it felt disingenious and a tactic he only uses when it only applies to combating the wandering eyes of others on you, and nothing more. 'They think you don't care kid, that you stop them from showing affection but only show yours when you feel threatened and even afterwards your doing anything but reinforce that you two are infact together.'

Kid felt conflicted at this, brows furrowed as his jaw clenched. He is aware of the person he is and knew that you did also, having made peace with that the moment you got with him, yet it seemed that it had gotten to the point where you belived that you were just arm candy for him, which wasn't true but Kid recagnised that his inaction to change that didn't make anything better either. So Kid knew he had to do something to make up for it and fast in fear he'd loose it all.

You found a series of Kid's handy crafts work in the form of various sea beasts carfully made from weilded metal at your door the next morning, alongside with a crude note that read: 'i know you may hate me, but at least let me try and make it up to you before you decided to kill me with your gaze ok?' It wasn't much but it was indeed a start.

corazon is experiencing cutness agression for the first time.

It was unfair how cute you were being, how perfect you were in his eyes, how perfectly fitting you were in his life as his safe haven and someone whom he could rely on. Someone who makes everything feel right, make him feel as though those cloudly days were a thing of the past, while guiding him through them with a calm he's never had when those cloudy days do make their reappearence.

It doesn't take much for Corazon to reach out and hold your face before smother it in kisses, leaving his lipstick stains upon your skin in the process, making you smile and giddy as you felt him pepper you in kisses that tickled and lingered upon you as if they were made out of magic themselves.

You loved it as it was a high you didn't want to come down from, especially when you got to take a good look at his handy work within any refecltive surface, and smile widely when you saw just how much of your face was more Corazon's lipstick then anything.

If anything it made you fall even more in love with him somehow, waving off his attempts to wipe it off out of embarrasment, uncaring of the face that his lipstick was smeared across his own cheek. 'let me just-'

'no.' you stopped him. 'i like being covered in your lipstick.' you told him, watching as his eyes widened and his body stiffen for a second, before he seemingly took a wrong step and landed on his backside, and his legs sticking out in a comedic way that made you laugh as you helped him back up to his feet; and seeing his cheeks a shade of crimson that made you wanna kiss him sensless in equal measure. 'seriously don't wipe it off, i wanna be reminded that you love me so much.'

you might as well have killed the poor man with your words with how speechless you've left him, but the smile that crept upon his his lips and threatned to split his face in two spoke of another story. One where he was profoundly happy and in a state of personal euphoria as Corazon couldn't take his eyes away from you, taking in the sight of you caked in his lipstick and finding some sense of joy in such a sight; a sight he could only hope to see constantly from now until forever ended.

[eclipsedrawsthings]

Me, two days ago, watching the Ace Attorney anime: Huh. Mia’s magatama is yellow in this flashback. She normally has a blue one. Weird.

Me, last night: Wait one goddamn second I might be onto something here

HOLY SHIT THE MAGATAMA COLORS HAVE SIGNIFICANCE

(Please note: I’m currently partway through case 4-3, so I might amend this post if later games turn out to have more information on this. Also, I have no idea if people have already realized this, given that I’ve been avoiding going into any of the fandom tags to try not to spoil myself too badly.)

Category 5 autism event under the cut…

Alright so—over the course of the original trilogy and its anime adaptation we see magatamas in the following colors:

Yellow

Blue

Green

Pink

And lavender

And the breakdown for who has what color is as follows:

Maya always wears yellow

Mia wears yellow before she abdicates her claim to the Master’s seat, then switches to blue

Pearl always wears blue

Misty is seen wearing yellow in flashbacks, and the magatama Morgan is holding in a certain scene in episode 15 (I’m pretty sure it’s 15) of the anime is also yellow

The one Phoenix has is green

The big wooden one in Hazakura Temple is also green

Bikini wears pink

Iris wears lavender

So then, what in the heck does all that mean? Here are my thoughts.

Yellow is the main family’s color—or, a little more specifically, the color of magatama worn by people who are in the direct line of succession. The people we see wear this color are Mia, Maya, and Misty, and Mia stops wearing it after she abdicates.

Blue is the branch family’s color, or rather, it’s worn by close relatives of the main family who aren’t in the direct line of succession. Pearl exclusively wears blue, and Mia wears blue after she abdicates (and is therefore no longer in the direct line of succession).

Green allows its holder to see Psyche-Locks. We never see anyone do this with any magatama other than the green one Maya gives to Phoenix—specifically, we as the player never see any hint of Psyche-Locks while we’re playing as Mia, whose magatama is a different color, and in case 3-2 Maya (who has a magatama herself) is surprised to learn that Phoenix’s can do that. Plus, the big wooden one in Hazakura Temple is green as well, implying some significance to green; especially since it would’ve made a lot of sense for it to be either yellow (the main family’s color) or…

Pink, which is worn by the temple nuns. In more detail, as far as I can tell this color is worn by members of the Kurain School who have little to no spiritual power but still play an important role, as it’s the color Bikini wears and while she doesn’t seem to be able to channel herself, she runs Hazakura Temple and it’s a requirement that either she or another nun supervises any spiritual training that happens there.

And that brings us to lavender, our final color. This is a fun one—I’m pretty sure it’s less a color with its own significance than it is a subtle hint about Iris’ true identity! Lavender is approximately the color you’d get by mixing temple nun pink and branch family blue!

So anyway, that’s my thoughts on it! If anyone else has thoughts or details to add I’d love to hear them, but please remember I’m only on case 4-3 and would like to not get too spoiled about the later games!

[agro-alone]

no gatekeeping

here is my list of patch ideas

● there is a war on the poor

● fund the NHS

● end law. take your rights by force

● trans and intersex bodily autonomy now

● nothing about us without us

● dead men don't rape

● queers hate cops

● no child deserves to live in fear

● biology was never binary

● not every disability is visible

● people not puzzles

● From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free

● this is a patch

● vaccines don't cause autism. I do

● nd nb (ACDC style)

● I'm here I'm queer and my joint pain is moderate to severe

● United we bargain. divided we beg

● I do not think. therefore I do not am

● the poor pay tax but the rich pay politicians

● the only hope for me is you

● there is no gender only rage

● easily distracted by shiny objects

● elect a clown expect a circus

● thick thighs save lives

● stop animal testing

● Good people disobey bad laws

● don't die wondering... transgenderism could be for you

● talk to your neighbours not the police

● it's never too late to be who you might have been

● they lied. hard work has killed people

● slightly burned out but still smokin'

● no fault divorce saves lives

● no more second homes

if you like some of these quotes, you may also like @grlofswords and @sweatermuppet

[ancha-aus]

Gifted Drabble - New Age AU - When Summer becomes Spring

I did it! I actually did it! I finished the scheme! @spotaus it took so long but i did it! so I have been working on this for a while! And as you can see it is New Age AU. But with a twist!!

This is not the main AU. this is like an alternative world to that AU. You people know about King!Dream version but this isn't quite that. This is more of a No!King version hihi.

Now. This is more like a one shot or a collection of multiple drabbles all set in the alternative timeline for NewAgeAU. Wtih that out of the way.

Warning! Abuse, esxual abuse, rape, technically underaged and so underaged sexual abuse. NOTHING GRAPPHIC! But it is mentioned and refered and spoken about. I just want you people to be warned just in case. Again. Nothing grapphic in that department. What else. MPreg, again mentioned and used as plotpoint but nothing specific in that way. Character deaths are also in there. Child dead.

It may be a bit of a heavy and long one woopsie. it is 35K words long haha.

*-----------------------------------------*

No one knew what had caused it.

What had gone wrong.

For both the princes, at the same time, had fallen ill.

Ccino runs through the halls as he ignores guards or other servants call out as he rushes past. He is thankful for his small build as it is easier to dodge arms and hands trying to stop him. He ignores the few people he bumps against as he rushes down the hall.

His chores had just finished, he would have preferred to not have to do them at all but no one would allow him to ask one of his few friends to do it for him as he remained with his boys.

Meaning he had rushed them and hadn’t bothered to double check. There were probably some mistakes but he doesn’t care. He needs to get to Nightmare and Dream!

He runs through the hall and the guards guarding the royal wing cross their spears. Ccino glares at them even as he is a head smaller. His breathing is hardly faster than his normal walking as he is beyond used to running “I have the right to enter and leave the royal wings.” He raises a brow as he motions towards the obvious apples adoring his clothing. The sign of his future standing and role and showcases his belonging to the royal family. It used to creep him out, it still does, but for now it has its uses.

It means that the guards let him pass as he rushes towards the right room.

He enters the large bedroom of the twins but it didn’t look in anyway like it used to. Before it would be a curious mix of sun and moon designs with two soft beds nearby and many beautiful little night lights of stars. The large windows in the perfect position to see the rising sun and a window near the ceiling to see the stars and moon at night. The large bookcase full of children books and stories that Ccino would read to the two as they sat in the large reading chair with Ccino. Easily fitting all three of them with room to spare.

Now the room was filled with people. All kinds of healers and doctors form all over the country. The twins had been laid right next to one another, separating the two seemed to unbalance their souls even more than the illness had caused.

Ccino rushes to the twins sides and feels his soul start to break all over again. Both their faces are twisted in pain. Nightmare seems to shudder with each breath, as if he can’t quite get his body to breath. Dream meanwhile is breathing fast, almost as if he is having a panic attack. Nightmare is burning up while Dream is freezing to the touch. Nightmare’s magic seems to be overcharged as Dream’s magic is almost all gone. Nightmare seems to be unable to move as Dream spasms every few seconds and had full blown seizures.

Ccino goes towards the twins and holds both of them, one hand in each of his. One hand feeling as if he is holding a fire while the other feels as if he dipped it in ice. He makes sure to keep holding on tightly to them both. “Hey there buddies…” he speaks softly. Ignoring the people around them working on trying to cure the twins.

Nightmare makes a soft noise as Dream’s eyes opens. Nightmare hadn’t been able to open his sockets himself, and when his sockets were opened for him he couldn’t make his eye lights appear to see. it scared him. Dream meanwhile could see but was unable to speak. Dream stares at him for a moment before he gives a tiny smile as he tries to wiggle a bit closer. Ccino makes sure to rub Dream’s hand with his thumb as he mutters “It is okay sweet Dream. I am here.” He makes sure that Dream heard alright and that seems the case and Dream obviously relaxes. Before his face turns to one full of pain as he shudders and whines softly, but Dream’s hand holds so tightly unto his and Ccino keeps rubbing his hand. Dream relaxes after a moment and pants quickly as Ccino focusses on Nightmare “Hey little Nightlight. I am sorry it took me so long to get here.”

Nightmare grumbles and mutters. His words slurred and not all clear “n-n-o… s-ss-orry…” he whines as he gasps to try and breath as he sweats.

Ccino hums softly to both of them as he keeps holding their hands. He wishes he could just grab both and hold them close. Like he had done for the last seven years of their shared lives. But the first time he tries to hold the twins close the doctors and healers all yelled and screamed at him. Nim had locked him out of the room of the twins for two full days and he ended up only being allowed in as the action had just distressed both twins more.

Now they had to keep it to handholding and a few soft kisses as he hums and talks to them. Hoping to offer a tiny bit of support where he can.

The door opens and Nim walks in. She stares at the scene before looking… disappointed? Annoyed? Ccino isn’t sure as he just dips his head. Making sure to show respect to the god walking this world. Nim walks over towards the healers and they get into a quiet conversation.

Ccino isn’t told what the situation is for obvious reasons. But he still wishes he knew. He still wishes someone would tell him what is wrong with his boys. What is hurting them so and how he can help them feel better.

Nim frowns as she speaks louder “What you are telling me. Is that it is no illness?”

The healer shakes as he answers, seems like even Nigel and Mar don’t have answers. And while a part, an ugly part, of Ccino finds glee and the two healers having to deal with anger from Nim. Ccino would have preferred to both be praised and complimented, because it would mean they would have cured his two.

Mar shakes as she almost sobs to answer “It isn’t anything we have ever heard of before! The magic! It isn’t normal! Something… Something is infecting the magic in them! Changing and pulling and there is no way to control it. No way to change its direction.”

Ccino acts as if he isn’t listening while in reality he pays close attention. That… Why would… Ccino thinks he knows what they are talking about. They are talking about It, aren’t they? But that doesn’t make sense. Because It had never seemed hostile. It was nice! Ccino can know as It always helped him get to place and helped him keep his balance! Why would It ever hurt the twins like this?

Nim frowns as she stares at the twins. Her eyes are cold and Ccino feels the need to hide both the boys from view but… he can’t do that. She is their mother. They both love her. He can’t come between that love. Between them. He remains seated.

Nim looks at the healer “What solutions do you have?”

Nigel looks nervous but none of the doctors answer making them have to take the front and center “A magical transfuse.”

Nim raises a brow and nods “Make it happen.” She goes to turn towards the door.

Nigel speaks up again “My liege! I apologise.” They bow before continuing to speak “We can’t just use any magic. They are young and their souls are fragile. They would need magic from a direct family member.”

Nim frowns as she watches them. Ccino however feels hope and relieve. Nim just needs to donate a bit of her magic to both the twins! It is so easy! She has more magic than anyone with her god status and both his boys would be bright and happy again!

Nim watches Nigel for a long time “And if I do not?”

Ccino’s soul feels cold as he stares. He… he understands why she never helped him or showed him mercy. He is but a dumb boy… but these are her sons. The crown princes! The long awaited and praised twins! Why… why would she… why wouldn’t she?

Nigel looks down as they speak “The only alternative is… to transfuse all of one of the two’s magic to the other.” They straighten their back “I will start with getting the procedure ready to transfer the younger twin’s magic towards our crown prince.”

Ccino is frozen. He is scared. No… no… They can’t… He glances down and realise with horror that both of them heard everything. Nightmare looks scared as he whines softly, his little hand shaking in Ccino’s own. Dream however just stares horrified. Shaking his skull and clearly trying to speak. Dream looks begging at Ccino as he keeps shaking his skull. Ccino gulps as he slowly gets up. His body shaking “Sirs…” Both look towards him. Nigel with obvious annoyance and rage as Nim just looks passive. Ccino feels his body want to run. Even so he pushes through. His boys need him. They are counting on him. Ccino focusses fully on his next sentence “They… neither of them wants this… this!” he stresses the words “Dream doesn’t want Nightmare to die to save him! Nightmare doesn’t want to die!” He can see Dream nodding as much as he can. Nightmare is breathing quickly as he clearly focusses on them. Ccino looks down and speaks “Please! Don’t do that! I beg you.” To finish off he falls to his knees as he kneels and remains in the position to either pray or beg.

Please.

Please.

A soft chuckle and even softer steps. The heat of Nim gets closer and Ccino remains begging and praying as a warm, much too hot hand, traces his cheek before making him look at Nim. Nim looks with unguarded glee at him “Oh how much you remind me of her… Just as pretty… Just as caring… Just as shining.” The hand keeps stroking his cheek and Ccino ignores the sick feeling that appears in his gut and feels it push up his throat.

Ccino finds his voice “Please… Please don’t…”

Nim giggles again as she remains staring at him gleefully “How could I say no to such pretty begging?”

Ccino feels a bit of hope return. Nim nods as she nudges him back up to his feet, a second hand strokes his other cheek and Ccino starts to feel uneasy. This… this is a new thing that has been happening ever since people declared him fourteen. Nim calling him over to her. Usually she just stares at him for a moment before sending him away again. A few times she ordered him to wear some fancy clothes and stuff. And a very few times she would do stuff like this, touching his face in some way. It feels bad… really bad…

He hides the discomfort as he waits patiently. Nim hums as she looks at healer Nigel “We will not do the procedure.” Ccino feels intense relieve and sees Dream looking a bit happier as Nightmare’s breathing calms a bit.

Nim hums as she walks towards her boys with one last stroke of Ccino’s skull. Ccino remains in place as he stands straight. He waits impatiently as Nim walks over to his boys. Just a quick boost of magic is all she needs to give them and both will be fine again! Ccino will make sure they take it easy of course. Make sure they heal and that everything truly is stable in their magic. Oh! Ccino can make them some cinnamon buns! He hopes the import of spices has arrived yet. Then he can make the best version of the nice treat! He knows it is one of Dream’s favourites and Nightmare always enjoys them as well!

Nim stands by the two small beds. She is bright and shines through the room. Nim hums “Such a shame. So much wasted time. But imperfection will just harm my legacy.”

Everything feels cold.

What?

A hand reaches down towards Nightmare first. She goes straight towards his chin. She tilts the small skull up before her hand moves down. It removes the blanket covering Nightmare and hovers over the spot of his sternum for a moment.

A loud and wet crack.

She…

She…

A moment later Nim pulls his hand back. A very small purple soul in her hand as Nightmare lays completely still. Mouth still open from his scream of pain but having gone quiet almost instantly. He shudders and shakes as Nim raises the soul high. One hand holding the purple soul she turns away from her dying son. She focusses on Dream.

Dream stares at her. Shocked and confused and… scared… Dream glances around and reaches towards him.

Ccino doesn’t think as he starts to run towards him but a hand grabs him. Ccino doesn’t bother to look around as he tugs and pushes at the hand holding his arm “No let go! Let go. Dream!” he stresses the prince’s name as he stares back. Dream is shaking as he stares at Nim with pure fear.

Nim looks at him coldly “A shame. I truly thought you would be perfect. Yet you failed me. You made me do this. You are the one who forced my hand.” Dream shakes and tries to speak but nothing leaves his mouth.

Nim holds her hand above his sternum but instead of punching her way towards the soul and breaking everything she flexes open her hand. Dream shudders and his mouth falls open in a silent scream. His sternum behind his shirt lights up bright yellow and Ccino can smell the scent of burning monster matter.

Moments later the soul is forced out of his body, having been made to burn a way out. Tears are streaming his face as he reaches towards Nim. Nim just holds the two small souls by her face. Not even looking into Dream’s direction. Dream tries to reach but his arm and hand quickly fall towards the bed. Shaking and in pain as the very thing that makes him him has been removed from him. Stolen from him.

Ccino shakes his skull but can’t find any words. The hand keeps an iron grip on him as he tugs at it. The souls… The twins need their souls and-

Nim opens her mouth which seems to rip open her cheeks and part of her neck. Much larger and sharper than ever before.

And she eats the souls.

And the twins are dust.

Ccino feels every bit of fight leave his body.

They…

They are… gone?

But…

But… what about… They were…

Nim hums and frowns “Much weaker than either should have been.” She glances back and chuckles “Oh no need to be so dramatic.” Soft steps and his face is raised to look up at her.

Oh… he had fallen to his knees… didn’t he?

Nim brushes his cheek with her thumb and Ccino sees the finger come back wet.

Oh… he is crying…

Nim chuckles again but there is a warning edge to her voice “Remember what I told you dear. Crying makes you wrinkle. You are not allowed to cry.”

Ccino wants to scream. He wants to break something. But as soon as the thoughts are there they are gone. Because it wouldn’t matter. His twins are still gone…

Ccino sobs as he shakes “Why… why… Why did you… kil-” He chokes on the word and sobs as his whole body shakes. His soul hurts. He doesn’t care if she is mad at him anymore. He doesn’t care about anything.

Please.

Please he will do anything.

Please give them back.

Nim chuckles “Oh it was needed dear. I can’t waste such a precious resource as magic. It was much better for me to take the magic that I originally given them back.” She sighs “It will complicate things as there is a schedule as for when the ritual needs to take place. But it will have to do for now.” she pats his cheek twice “Now. You go back to your room and clean up too. From now on when you are done with your chores but you are still on the clock I expect you to be in the throne room to serve me.” She straightens her back and wipes off some dust off… off her… her dress..

She is acting as if it is just some dust… and not… as if it isn’t all that is left of.. left of…

Ccino feels a guard nudge him and he raises to his feet. He bows and leaves the room. He staggers back to his room and enters.

He falls to the ground and starts sobbing as he hugs himself. They are gone.

No more bedtime stories. No more playing games. No more watching Dream proudly perform a magic trick. No more sharing good books with Nightmare. No more watching them play and joke around.

They are gone…

The only lights in this hell.

Gone…

--

Ccino still feels as if he is stuck in a haze. Or maybe like he is stuck underwater?

Three years have passed and he still misses the twins every single day. He keeps expecting to turn around and spot them in the doorway. To reach out when he is barely awake and feel them laying close for warmth and cuddles.

But each time he is forced to realise the cruel reality.

They are gone.

One of the panels on the wall shifts slightly. Showing a small hiding hole.

Ccino ignores it as he keeps walking.

He knows now what the price of It is. And Ccino regrets ever accepting It’s help.

Ccino remembers as if it is yesterday. It is the only clear day he still fully remembers. Everything else blurs together. He had been crying for hours. He had felt empty and exhausted but he had been unable to sleep…

Because he had been thinking…

Ccino continues to stare at the dark stone of the ceiling above him. His sockets still itch and hurt as he is all out of tears. He can’t… How is he even supposed to do anything now? He was… he was there for the twins… He loves them both so much. It hurts so much.

But the fear. The fear of a single thought that would not leave him.

His throat feels cry and painful after all his crying but he still whispers into his dark room “Are… Are you here? Can you… hear me?”

Nothing happens for a moment. Everything is the same as always when. The noise from outside of his room seems to disappear. Ccino isn’t sure if he is starting to see things but the ceiling itself seems to move slightly. As waves in a puddle.

Ccino struggles to speak through his dry throat “Please… Please just… just tell me… did… did you do it? Did you make them ill?” Are you the reason why they were killed?

There is no voice. No clear answer. More shifting and his door creaks a little before silence returns.

Ccino feels close to crying “Please… Did… did you make them ill? Just move anything if you did…” There is more silence and for a moment Ccino feels hopeful but then movement by his window. Ccino turns his skull and watches as the latch on it slowly unlocks. It opens and Ccino can feel the small breeze enter his room. It makes him shiver even as the air from outside is warm and dry. The scent of the warm night slowly fills his room as he sobs again.

He rolls unto his side as he hugs himself closer. Rolling up as far as he can as he starts crying all over again.

The price for this thing’s help had been the twin’s health.

Ccino is an idiot.

Nothing is ever free.

Not far from him a statue moves a tiny bit. Instead of going towards that he keeps going straight.

He stopped using It’s tunnels all together.

As effect it obviously meant that his workflow and skills seemed to worsens but he honestly doesn’t care. He does not care what others think or say about him. It doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe it never actually mattered.

The first week his work results took a nose dive people just assumed it had been as he was distracted with the loss of the twins. That he was grieving. After that they would make comments about him having gotten slower. Ccino would just lie with a straight face that this was as fast as he had always been able to go.

He was in luck. As the people in charge like to be right and amazing. They reasoned themselves into believing that Ccino had just always been slow compared to the others. And that they had been merciful and nice enough to let him go at the pace he was possible. Because even if he wasn’t the fastest anymore his quality was by far the best.

Running steps are his only warning before something, or someone, smashes into him and he falls back on the ground. He groans as his body aches with leftover burns and scratches from the day before. Luckily that is all his fall did, irritate already existing sores and pains. He looks up and tilts his skull slightly.

He hasn’t seen this person before. He looks the other over very quickly. They are a human, male maybe? They seem young as they stare with large eyes at him. He is dressed in a very basic guard uniform without any weapons and no extra markings. Not yet a cadet? Maybe a rookie? Trainee?

They are staring shocked at him with their hands raised. Seemingly unable to decide if they want to help him up or not.

That is when they glance at his face and sputter “I-! I am so sorry! Please sir! I know I should- I mean I should have watched where I was going! Please forgive me!” and he bows deeply.

Ccino immediately feels uneasy but it is to be expected. He raises a hand and gives a small smile. Trying to steer this conversation away from whatever territory it is going “It is alright. Accidents happen. No harm no foul.” He rises to his feet and makes sure no dirt remains on his clothing. He gives the other another smile “Hello. Nice to meet you. I am Ccino. Who are you?” and he waits.

The other keeps looking down with obvious shame on his face “I am Rogers. I am so terrible sorry sir. I swear I didn’t mean to.”

Ccino looks away as he rubs his arms “It is alright… and no need for sir. I don’t really…” he isn’t sure how to say what he wants. He decides to go for a slightly different approach. “Not to forget, I am pretty sure you are older. Though I will have to admit I am not the best with estimating ages for humans.” And he smiles.

The other at least seems to relax a little bit as Ccino remains calm. He still looks embarrassed and guilty but he is at least looking up “Thank you for… Thank you. I am still new and started shortly ago.” He rubs his neck as he looks down again “Still getting an basic idea for where what is and I was running late.”

Ccino needs to think for a moment “Oh! You were with the new recruits that arrived two weeks ago?” Strange that the guard already let those in training wander around. Not his responsibility luckily but still, that seems a bit early “In that case I will not keep you.” he gives his usual half bow as he continues walking down the fall. After a few steps he however stops and turns around “Oh. And Recruit Rogers?”

Rogers is still standing in the spot he was before. Looking at him curiously and waiting “Yes sir?”

Ccino ignores the title for now as he speaks “You want to go left at the first chance you get. Then go straight and you will end up at the stairs leading towards the main hall.” And he turns back to continue walking on towards his destination.

He thinks Rogers says something but he can’t quite hear it before he hears the other run towards his goal. Ccino doesn’t mind. He is used to being isolated.

Even if it got a lot worse lately.

Ccino glances into the reflection of the glass, and while he can’t see his own face quite that clearly he can see the large chain around his neck. Interwoven with his upper spine and collarbones to make it secure and a pain to remove even if he wanted to. And Ccino isn’t a big enough idiot to try and remove it. He knows the consequences.

Personally? The idea of getting molten gold casted on him to truly form fit something does not sound appealing. He will take the interwoven and slightly uncomfortable golden chains over that option any day.

Ccino doesn’t even hate the discomfort the most. It is annoying but he can handle it. No. It is what ir represents that makes him feel ill to his very soul.

Nim gifted it him when he was assumed to be sixteen. On the anniversary of him being there for nine years. When Nim made his new role perfectly clear for all to see.

Funny…

He had been so very afraid to become a toy and the first harem member for Dream that he worried about it nightly.

Yet in the end he just ended up in Nim’s harem… as the favourite no less.

Is this karma? For him having been so afraid? Had he let it influence him?

Hadn’t been losing the twins enough punishment? For being selfish and asking for help from another god? Instead of serving the god he had been supposed to?

He doesn’t know.

He just feels numb… He is so tired…

He turns another corner and gets to the right room. It is large and decorated with gold fire and large orange gemstones, the same type of gem that is in his necklace. Ccino always thought of it more as a pet collar but maybe that is just him being unthankful again.

He enters the room and glances around. Seems like he got here before Nim. That is good. Nim gets… frustrated when Ccino is late… He enters the dressing room connected to the bedroom and takes just a moment to take a deep breath.

He goes towards the vanity and gets to work on some light make up and paintings. It isn’t a lot. Just some fake magical markings like in Sanctuary. Some extra black by his sockets to make them appear bigger. Highlighting his cheekbones. He ends up staring at himself in the mirror.

He never liked seeing himself… It brought back memories that just hurt… But this past year he had been forced to look at it a lot as he got ready for evenings with Nim or when he had to go with her to places.

He is just so tired.

Ccino sighs before walking towards one of the many rows of hangers with dresses. Ccino can’t help but feel the return of his annoyance and distaste. He has started to really dislike dresses. It isn’t because he thinks they aren’t beautiful. It is just… Nim likes him to wear them. The way Nim speaks about how they look on him and showcase his best features.

It makes him feel gross.

Still he grabs one of the pink dresses. Knowing those go rather well with the orange gem as he gets dressed. Immediately feeling exposed with the open back and the cut in the side almost all the way up to his pelvis.

He truly hates it.

Even so after getting ready he sits on the bed and waits. Trying to not think about what will happen once again and trying to not panic.

It is no use to panic after all.

His mind thinks back to when he first lost his twins… the pain it brought back. He had been unable to do much but cry that first week. Unable to focus and missing them so badly. The idea to quickly get a memento of them had appeared in his mind. Just a little something to keep in his room and hug close when the grieve got too much.

He had ran towards their room the first chance he got. Hoping to maybe get Dream’s blanket or a well-loved plushie or maybe Nightmare’s favourite book.

Only to find the room completely bare. Well not completely but it had been completely transformed. Instead of the beautiful yellow and purple walls they had been a neutral light blue. Instead of the two beds with canopies decorated with tiny stars and lights, there had been one queen sized bed in brown colours. The cabinets with their toys and games replaced with a vanity. Their closets filled with their go to outfits for sleep replaced with another closet. All the drawings, the little projects, their homework that would be spread across the room and taped to the wall in their little craft corner, replaced with nothing but a carpet on the ground.

Gone… Everything about them… gone…

Ccino had just stood their frozen and when he asked anyone they had just looked at him as if he was an idiot.

“Why remember them? They are dead and failures. We only serve the living and those who matter.”

The door to the room opens and a soft coo “Oh you look beautiful as always.” Nim sounds content as she walks in. She turns away from him as she starts removing some of her jewellery. Ccino gets to his feet and walks over to undo her cape as always.

Ccino follows through the routine as he pays attention to what Nim says. Nim complains about commoners daring to approach her. Them whining about them not having enough food and needing help and care. Her being annoyed that they can’t appreciate all the works she does into keeping everything perfect!

Ccino hums and nods “It is truly a tragedy they can’t see these things like you my liege.” It had become easier to lie to Nim. Even if it felt uncomfortable, the slave contract interwoven into his being from his young age displeased with him lying to the one he is supposed to serve. It always leaves a nasty taste in his mouth and makes his tongue feel weird. But it is better than telling his honest opinions and making Nim angry.

Nim pauses and turns to him. He was never truly able to read her face with the flames of her fire elemental being. But he knows how to read her voice and her overall body language. She is pleased.

Nim strokes his cheek before holding it again. “Oh Ccino you always know just want to say.” She stares at him for a moment longer, looking pleased “You do truly remind me so much of my dear Lyra.”

That name again. She mentions this Lyra person a lot. Ccino isn’t sure who they are but it seems like they were important.

Nim hums as she takes his hand and leads it towards the bed. Ccino feels the spike of panic before letting himself zone out as best as he can. He can’t zone it all out sadly. The burn of her touch and arousal always hurts. It will always hurt. The way her magic overwhelms and scorches.

But, like always, eventually it ends. His pains still there and the sores much worse. Knowing there are new burns and black marks of where the fire touched. He knows he will need to treat those the next day and inspect his weak and fragile ecto and treat it as best as he can.

Only for it all to happen again the next day.

Even with how tired he feels he can’t fall asleep. Unable to find any comfort or rest as he lays next to the god he was forced to serve. At least until she is done with him or the end of his days.

Whichever happens first.

--

He lets Robin help him out of his complex ballgown as he tries to hide his slight excitement. Trying to play the tired and overwhelmed part.

Robin hums “You know. Our king will soon realise you aren’t actually tired when you want to leave the party.” She shoots him a look as she helps the dressing robe over his shoulders as he puts his arms into the sleeves.

Robin is one of the very few servants that still speaks to him like normal. The others all too afraid of accidentally misstepping and him telling their king that they were disrespectful. It hurts that they think of him like that. It is why he values both Robin and Rogers so much. Robin never stopped seeing him as the rookie servant that joined a little bit after she started. Robin had been helping him since the start and clearly he should have appreciated her more.

Ccino gives a shrug “It is fine. The king prefers to be alone with these parties anyway.” It gives her the chance to look for new curiosities she likes. Looking for new people she wants to keep. Ccino feels bad for making others deal with her but any moment where the focus isn’t on him is welcome.

It had been strange. Nim holding him after a night and asking him if he disliked her spending time with her harem. Ccino hadn’t been completely honest, having been honest would mean telling her he preferred her spending time with the harem. Instead he remained diplomatic and told her that he knew she was a god and that he was but mortal. That there was no way he would be able to keep up with her needs on his own. She had cooed and been so content about his answer. Even if Ccino could have done without the reward she gifted him afterwards. He hadn’t been able to move without something hurting for days.

Robin giggles “You just don’t want to be at the parties.” She grins before a small frown covers her face. She is staring at his hand and Ccino glances down, seeing a very clear burnmark stand out on his white bones. Ccino quickly tugs his sleeve to cover it. Robin doesn’t say a word but does open a drawer to grab some oils before gently applying it to the mark.

Robin whispers softly “Lets hope our king finds some to her liking. She could expend her harem.”

Ccino isn’t sure when Robins started to see the cracks in his mask. When Robin started to realise that Ccino was deeply unhappy. Maybe all that it takes to see through his lies is just spending time with him. Or maybe he is just a shit liar. Probably both… He just hopes his friend won’t do anything foolish. Robin can be quick to act.

Robin hums as she puts the dress away “Well! That is all. I assume you want to be going back to your room soon… Especially as it is a ball night.” and she has the nerve to shoot him an amused look.

Starting to think it is just his lies that are shit.

He keeps looking at her before giving a bright smile as he hums “What can I say. I am very tired.” Robin giggles but doesn’t comment on his answer as she turns back to further clean the dressing room.

“In that case! I hope you have a good night.”

She is very quick to act, and smug for that matter, and sadly very observant.

Ccino quickly flees the room before walking towards the king’s bedroom. Well technically also his he supposes but he never saw it as his, it never felt safe and secure as his old room had felt. He misses it.

Still he enters the dark room. Quiet and empty. The balcony door is open and the soft summer breeze makes the mesh curtains move in it. The moon light shines in which lights the room just enough for him to see.

Ccino closes the door behind him as he sighs in relieve. A moment without the king nearby at last. He hopes she remains at the party for a long time.

He walks over towards the small un suite dressing room and undoes his dressing robes. He drops it on the chair as he walks towards the large bed, larger than any bed has a right to be.

He lays back on it and sighs as he closes his sockets for a moment. It is peacefully quiet as he enjoys it for a moment.

A small shift and he opens his sockets to see another person hanging over him. Completely dark sockets with black tear marks. A large grin on his face. Black leather clothing.

The other grins widely “Well look at this. Here I came to steal a treasure but it seems I found the biggest treasure of all.” The other grins as he raises Ccino’s hand and kisses it “For a god your king is rather dumb to not guard her greatest treasure better.”

Ccino can’t help but snort as he grins at the other “Stop being cheeky.”

The other skeleton grins as he sits upright to make room for Ccino to sit up himself “Just being honest.” Killer shrugs as his bright soul lights up the room in a by now familiar and calming red light. Not as the flames of Nim, no, much softer and less bright. It is a comfort by now.

Ccino smiles at the other “I am happy you are here.”

Killer looks at him and grins “As if you could keep me away. The vines are so easy to climb to get in and around.”

Ccino grins as he leans closer, he can’t help the amusement in his voice “So, what will this dangerous thief do? Now that he has found himself not in the treasure room but with someone else?”

Killer grins as his arms lock around him and kisses his cheek “Pray to the gods he doesn’t believe in that the most beautiful treasure of all finds him worthy.” And he wiggles his eye brows.

Ccino laughs but pulls Kiler down to lay in the bed. Relaxing back as he lets Killer trace his body. Letting his mind, body and soul enjoy the affection and careful touches. Gentle and slow.

It is aleays slow. There is never a rush even if both know the risks. Killer never rushes these nights and Ccino needs them badly.

Ccino met Killer in town one time. When Nim had been showing off her radiance and when Ccino had been dragged outside with her. He had felt exposed and seen as he had been uncomfortable. Only for a strange but handsome skeleton to stop before him. Cheerfully introducing himself and even daring to kiss Ccino’s hand in greeting. Interesting enough though, before he did kiss his hand Killer had asked Ccino if that would be okay. Ccino had been surprised and had in shock nodded his okay.

And that had been it. Nothing else. Killer had gently held his hand before kissing the back oh so softly. Then the guards noticed the skeleton and Killer had ran away as he waved back cheerfully. Shouting about how beautiful and nice he had been. Ccino had replayed the meeting in bed that night. Over and over in his mind as he ignored the trailing hands of Nim. It had made it bearable for a while.

But that was not the only time he saw Killer, only a few days later Killer found the king’s room instead of the treasure room, it had been Killer’s first time being in this exact room. Ccino had been getting ready for the king when Killer just rolled into the room through the open window. They had stared at each other before Ccino had told him he was in the wrong wing to steal valuables. Killer had sputtered and seemed lost for words as his soul had been quickly switching between a round shape and the normal soul shape. In the end Ccino had just mentioned that he could probably just go back outside and go to the west side before finding the treasure he had been looking for.

Ccino is pretty sure that Killer had walked backwards towards the window blindly only to trip and fall out. There had been no crash as Killer had managed to catch himself but it had been close. Ccino hadn’t been able to help himself, he laughed when he heard Killer shout a quick ‘I am okay! I meant to do that!’ it had honestly made his night.

After that? Killer kept showing up. Not every night of course. But at least one time a month if not once a week. Ccino had been excited. Killer brought stories of adventure and freedom. He would describe what he had seen as they both leaned against the balcony railing. Ccino would lean close to hear every secret detail. It painted a picture of the world outside of this castle. Outside of these walls.

It wasn’t until later, almost a year after them meeting, that they got physical. Ccino won’t lie, he loves Killer. Killer had made his life bearable and gave him hope for something else, that there was hope for his life to be better. Ccino knows of course, that one day Killer will grow bored. That the excitement of fucking the king’s consort behind her back would wear off in some way. But for now Ccino greedily held unto these moments.

Even if the first time having sex with Killer had brought him regret. It had been amazing and beautiful and Ccino just felt happy and love. Only for him to realise what he had done. What this would mean for Killer. Back then Ccino had tried to break of their relationship and friendship. Break it off before Nim would realise what happened and kill Killer for it. Ccino didn’t, and still doesn’t, care that he would die for this but Ccino doesn’t want Killer to be punished for Ccino’s mistakes.

But Killer hadn’t wanted to end their nights. End the contact they had.

Which brings them to here. Two years after Ccino met Killer when Ccino had been twenty-two. A year after their secret friendship turned into a secret relationship of sorts. Both knowing that if Nim ever finds out it will mean a terrible end. But neither willing to break it quite yet.

Ccino sighs as he lays in Killer’s arms. Between Killer’s body and Killer’s soul. The warmth of it is welcome to him as he pushes his face by Killer’s collarbone and neck. Feeling content and safe and, well, happy.

Killer is purring up a storm as he holds him “I missed you.”

Ccino snorts as he pushes closer “Not like I am ever anywhere else…” the hands and arms around him tense for a moment before both arms pull him closer. Ccino frowns as he kisses the sternum he is laying against “Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring the mood down.”

Killer just holds him “Please… don’t apologise. It is okay.” a moment of silence “Oh wait! I got you a gift!” Killer sounds very excited.

Ccino turns around just enough to glance up at Killer, seeing him smile brightly “A gift?”

Killer nods and he pulls away to lean over the edge of the large bed, not caring at all that he is showing off his naked bones to the whole world at the moment. Killer sits back upright with a bag in his hands. Ccino sits up a little as he pulls the blanket up with him, making sure to hide the worst old burns and wounds from view. Just because Killer knows doesn’t mean it makes it easier for Killer to see. Ccino doesn’t want him to be in discomfort.

Killer looks a bit guilty “Okay. I lied. It are two gifts!” he grins and holds up a curious red ball with green spikes that make it almost teardrop shaped. Killer hands it to him and Ccino studies it. It is a plant?

Killer grins as he looks excited “It is dragon fruit! It grows on cacti and they are real cool!” he takes the fruit back and takes out his knife. Ccino watches curiously as Killer cuts it open and makes small pieces for him “Here!” he grins.

Ccino knows he shouldn’t and he hesitates “I don’t know Kills… It isn’t yet my eat day…” he only is allowed to eat once every four days… He already ate two days ago…

Killer frowns deeply at what he said before raising it up to him “It is fruit! That is totally fine!” and he waits.

Ccino frowns as he slowly reaches for it “Well… just a little…” he will have to make sure to eat a bit less when it is his meal time again. But Killer truly seems excited… He takes a little piece and looks it over curiously. The inside is white with tiny black dots. He sniffs it before taking a small bite. The taste itself is very light! But it is nice! Ccino eats a bit more but soon stops to not overeat.

Killer frowns but doesn’t mention it as he eats what is leftover. The cleans his hands quickly before opening his bag again before pulling out a-

Wow…

A beautiful crystal and glass statue… in the shape of a beautiful rose. It is truly beautiful. Ccino can’t help but stare as Killer looks a bit nervous as he talks “I… I wanted to get you flowers. But I know with the weather here it would be harder to take care of and I wasn’t sure which would be the best. Not to forget I didn’t want to get you something that would just die because… that is depressing… I figured… I mean if you don’t like it that is fine too. I just. I wanted to get you something cool that would last.”

Ccino smiles at the other. His soul feeling light and feeling giggly on happiness “It is amazing. I love it.” He takes the creation with gentle hands and stares in awe at the many details. It is incredible! The details and colours are just gorgeous even with the low lighting. Ccino smiles as he looks around before getting up to grab one of the glass vases around the room. They are just decorative anyway and he moves it to his side of the bed. He places it on the nightstand and puts the rose into it. He smiles when he notices the muted colours of the vase really make the rose stand out.

He smiles at Killer “Once I get the chance I will move it to my own room. I am not there a whole lot but at least it will be safe.” He snorts as he sees Killer just stare with a small fluster covering his face. His soul is clearly in a heart shape and wobbles madly. Ccino can’t help but laugh softly as he walks over and puts his arms around his neck and leans close to the other “Mmh. Such a lovely gift… It would only be fair if I thanked you.”

Killer is still staring with his mouth slightly open as he nods slowly before sputtering “Only if you want to! Like. Really want to! I am just as happy to just lay with you and talk I swear.”

Ccino smiles as he leans closer but he freezes. He hears heels. Killer and him glance at the door at the same time before Killer curses softly and dives for his clothes covering the floor. Ccino leans over himself to help figure out which are his and which are Killer’s.

They manage to locate the clothes but the door is starting to open and the balcony is just too far away. Killer dives into the walk in closet and Ccino manages to cover himself just in time and act as if he is sleeping when the door opens.

Ccino makes sure his soul and emotional state are both calm, and then he waits and listens.

The heels walk around the room and Ccino realises the issue with Killer being inside the walk in closet. With the fear of what could and would happen to Killer if he is found he turns towards Nim and makes sure to keep his voice open and welcoming “You are back already? Wasn’t the party fun?”

Nim pauses as she turns towards him. The closet door slightly open but she is no longer looking at it “You are still awake?” She leaves the closet for what it is as she walks over. Just a few steps and she towers over him and the bed. She looks highly amused and pleased “Even already ready.”

Ccino finds the right lie to tell quickly “Even if I know you would be at the party there is always a hope you would prefer something else.” The lie burns his tongue and taste vile.

Nim looks very pleased and locks him in so quickly “Always with the compliments. So sweet to me.” Which is followed by a kiss.

The kiss honestly tastes worse than the lie did. Ccino dislikes everything about this but remains relaxed and placid, that way it is over the soonest and with least amount of burns and pain.

Ccino isn’t sure why, but he is just not compatible with Nim, at all. He doesn’t know why, maybe it is because his magic is weak, maybe it is because he is fragile and less healthy. But instead of the fire elemental nature of Nim just feeling warm to him. It burns and stings whenever she is near. Touching feels even worse and Ccino wonders if that is what touching lava feels like. It lingers and even the memory of the touches give an echo of pain.

Nim pulls away looking content as she finishes undressing. Ccino hums as he makes some light conversation “Were none at the party to your liking my king?”  Ccino feels the too hot hand touch his face. His face feels as if it is getting a sunburn already.

Nim looks bright and content as all her four eyes look at him in little upturned half moons “None of them looked interesting at all.” she sighs “Honestly the quality is decreasing.” She looks annoyed. Her gaze shifts around before frowning at the new addition to the room “Mmh… Where did that come from…?”

Ccino hides his anxiety behind a slow blink before lazily looking towards the precious glass rose. He takes a moment to stare at it before humming “I believe… It was a present from one of your many suitors?” the lie fills up his throat as if he ate sand. He just smiles back at Nim.

Nim sighs long and loud as she leans on her hand, still laying over him “Oh I do not remember who gave me this little trinket.” She sighs as she shoots him an amused look “Honestly how am I supposed to keep track of all of them at this point?”

Ccino just nods as he easily tells her what she wants to hear “If you do not remember them they couldn’t have been impressive at all.”

Nim nods again “True, as always my dear.” The term of endearing makes him feel ill. She looks back at the glass statue “What to do with it… mmh. I can’t remember if I had a spot in mind. Any ideas dear?”

Ccino lays back and frowns a tiny bit to make a show of thinking. He hums as he keeps acting as if he is thinking before answering “Well, showing it off would send the wrong message and instead of it just adding to the decorations it could be seen as a statement that the suitor would be unworthy of.”

Nim frowns as he mouth shifts downwards and her many eyes narrow “Them daring to even think that?! How arrogant!!” She sounds enraged and the fire burns hotter.

Ccino nods as he answers with the right sentence “You are perfection. Anyone could only hope to gain your affection.”

Nim’s rage fades as she looks rather smug “That. I am.” She sighs as she waves the flower off without a second thought “I honestly don’t care. It is but a tiny trinket of someone too low to deserve to be on my mind for even a moment.” She looks at him and smiles “You can have it. It fits you.” and she looks amused.

Ccino ignores the dig about how she thinks about him as just a trinket, it isn’t anything new and he got what he wanted, he makes sure to nod and bow his head as much as he can in this position “Thank you my king. You are too kind and giving.” The second part makes it feel like his tongue is being stabbed.

Nim looks so very smug “I truly am. Now. I have needs.” Her hands start to move and as soon as he feels that he stops paying attention. He lets his god and king touch him however she wishes and lets her manipulate his body however she sees fit.

The worst part is honestly that Killer is still stuck in the closet but with him distracting Nim he will be able to escape rather easily.

It isn’t as if this is the first time Killer got locked in and he experienced Ccino doing his purpose and pleasure Nim. Doesn’t make it any easier.

His mind wonders to the first time this happened. Not too long after he and Killer got physical. As that is when Killer started to dare to stay longer. They had been very careful as they both understood the risks but the time they could spend together in bed just laying there. Holding one another and just being together. It made Ccino imagine that he was just a normal person. Just a normal monster who was allowed to get crushes and interests and who fell for the mysterious handsome stranger that would sneak into his room at night to spend time together.

It had been a beautiful fantasy that he could enjoy. So of course it ended up being ruined by Nim appearing earlier than planned. Killer had to hide under the bed itself.

Ccino remains frozen as he feels Nim get up. She sighs happily as Ccino feels the hand stroke his spine. The pain is unbearable but he remains silent. He keeps acting as if he is asleep. Please. Please just leave.

Nim giggles and soon the door closes as she leaves. Leaving him behind alone in the room and Ccino can’t stop himself from holding himself closer as he feels the tears leave his sockets.

The pain… it hurts so badly. But worse is knowing that… Killer now knows. Killer is now truly aware of how disgusting he is. It is his duty to give the king what she wants but that is no excuse. Ccino doesn’t even try to stop her and he must have looked so weak and useless. Killer is gone now and will never return and-

A hand touches his arm and Ccino can’t help but freeze up fully. Is Nim back? He didn’t hear the door and-

“Shit! Right sorry. I am so sorry. Ccino? It is just me. Can I… Can I touch you? Wait not like that! Just. Please? I can help I swear I will help.”

Ccino can’t help but turn quickly. Shocked. Why is Killer here. He glances at the door “Kills? Why are you here? You need to leave.” The sun is already out. Killer will have a much harder time sneaking out without the cover of darkness. Why would he still be here?! Nim would have been asleep and that should have given him the perfect moment to escape!

Killer sputters “Why am I here?! Ccino… I… I couldn’t just leave!” he stresses the word as his hands still hover “I… Is it okay if I pick you up?”

Ccino blinks and just numbly nods. Killer moves slowly as he picks him up and Ccino can’t help but flinch as a burn is touched wrong. Killer apologises even as Ccino softly reassures him it isn’t his fault.

Killer ends up carrying him towards the bathroom where he puts him on the edge of the bath. He turns on the water and Ccino watches the tub fill up. It is large and dug into the wall almost. It is large enough to fit Nim. Ccino glances and sees Killer rummaging through the different cabinets, clearly searching for something.

Ccino glances down and frowns as he sees the burns on his arms and wrists. He studies the shape and feels cold to his soul as he realises it is shaped perfectly like her hand. Are all of them like that? He feels sick. He wants to throw up. Why did he agree to let Killer carry him? It is so obvious now that he is just some useless toy and used and-

Killer lets out a loud ‘Ahah!’ as he proudly raises a few bottles. He rushes back over and puts it in the tub. Killer smiles at him and Ccino just glances down again. He doesn’t want to… to see the disgust and regret. Will he lose him now? It would hurt to not have Killer like him anymore. But what if Killer doesn’t even want to be friends anymore?

He doesn’t know what to do…

Killer speaks quietly “Hey… I am going to pick you up now okay? I am going to put you in the bath… is that okay?” Ccino just gives him a nod.

Killer doesn’t move right away and it just makes Ccino feel worse. Before Killer would be excited and joyful whenever Ccino gave him okays or said it was fine… yet now he hesitates… is he really that gross now?

Killer’s hands and arms finally help him of the edge and into the warm water. Ccino frowns as glance down. Had Killer put some kind of bathing oil into it? It feels softer somehow.

Killer is quiet for a moment before speaking “I… I found some stuff against burns… can I… may I help you with some of those wounds?”

Right. Because they are obvious. Ccino nods again and keeps looking down even as he holds out his arm.

The silence around them is chilling. Ccino is not used to this. Not from Killer. Killer is warmth and joy and energy. He doesn’t like being quiet and Ccino doesn’t like him being quiet. It doesn’t feel right and makes him uneasy. It is not the comfort he had come to known, come to rely on…

“I… I never knew that this… it got this bad.” Killer speaks softly as he cares for the burns.

Ccino shrugs as he mutters “Others don’t seem to mind.” he isn’t sure why he mentions that. He isn’t sure why he said that. Why doesn’t he just lie and say it is normal? Why doesn’t he just lie and says it is great?

Why is it harder to lie to Killer, than it is to Nim?

Killer is silent for a moment before speaking “I am going to hug you… is that okay?”

Ccino shrugs “If you want to.” It would be nice… real nice…

Killer still hesitates. But then two arms lock around his shoulders and Killer shakes as he just pulls him tightly against him. It is so nice and Ccino feels himself relax. Killer’s arms keep shaking lightly and it seems to grow worse when Ccino leans fully into his hold. Is this too much? Is he making Killer uncomfortable?

Killer keeps holding him close “Ccino?”

Ccino hums and waits.

Killer pauses for a moment before speaking again “Run away with me. Please.”

Ccino blinks and glances at Killer “What?”

Killer stares at him and smiles nervously “I know. I know it is a lot. But. You are hurt. She hurts you. Please. I could deal with that creep of a lady touching you as long as you enjoyed it! But you don’t! It hurts you and you don’t… You deserve much better than that Ccino!” And he waits.

Ccino is… not sure what to say. He is mostly confused. Doesn’t… doesn’t Killer understand? Ccino just stares at him “I… I don’t? This isn’t about me? If our god-king wants something she gets it. Because it is her right.” he feels cold. Is his breathing getting faster? There is no reason to feel cold after thinking that. And even less to feel panicked and anxious. “I… I have the privilege to serve her and do as she wishes and… and…” why is this hard to say? It shouldn’t be hard to say.

Killer shakes his skull “No!” Ccino can’t help but flinch and Killer holds his hand “No. No that isn’t fair. Just because she is some king person doesn’t mean she gets to rape you whenever she fucking wants!”

Ccino frowns at him. The way he said that seems to hold weight but… Ccino never really… So he asks “You… you say that like it matters… why does it matter? What is rape?” Ccino is very confused.

Killer stares shocked before looking down as his whole body shakes. His sockets are narrowed as he straight up growls out the next sentence “Oh of course those fucking assholes didn’t bother to explain what rape is. Or abuse probably either!” Ccino feels a bit insulted. He knows what abuse is!

Killer stares at him again “It is sexual abuse, it is when someone forces sexual interactions. Stuff you don’t want to do. That is bad because it is something everyone needs to be okay with. And you aren’t okay with this.”

Ccino frowns and shakes his skull “That… that can’t be right.” his voice shakes slightly as he repeats what he said before “You need to understand. She is a god. The king of our country. What she wants is her right. Anything she wants is okay because she is a god. It doesn’t… it isn’t…”

Killer just looks at him sadly as the arms return to embrace him. Killer just keeps holding him close “What she did to you is terrible. No matter who or what she is, she shouldn’t just get to abuse people. She shouldn’t just be allowed to touch you when you don’t want her to touch you. She shouldn’t be allowed to hurt you. It isn’t right. She isn’t right.”

Ccino leans into his hold. Shaking even as he doesn’t feel cold. He needs him.

Killer whispers “Run away with me… I know it is scary and new. But I swear it will be okay. You will like Ink, he can be a lot but he is honestly a great friend! We can just skip this whole country. Is there any spot you would like to go? Anything you want to see? Like a mountain? Or a beach? I know lots of places and we can visit all of them.” he smiles at him “I will be with you the whole time.”

Ccino wants to say yes but he knows he can’t. And he feels actually close to crying when he has to admit it “I can’t…”

Killer speaks so gentle “It is okay. We will figure out how to sneak you out. I will make sure you are safe. We will be a team and both Ink and I will teach you everything about being out on the road.” And he grins charming.

Ccino actually feels some tears escape as he laughs and shakes his skull “I can’t… It would kill me…”

Killer looks confused and Ccino admits the one thing he didn’t want to admit. He taps his own sternum “Slave contract… Had it since I was seven. If I leave Nim’s side for too long it will start to burn my soul until there is nothing left.” The horrified look that covers Killer’s face does not make Ccino feel better as he continues to talk “It was a reassurance… Just making people do your tasks and orders wasn’t enough for them. They changed the contract to include consequences for running away. Or for lying.”

Killer’s arms are around him against as Ccino leans against his shoulder. Soaking up the comfort of his friend as Killer mutters that they will figure something out.

Ccino doubts it. But it is a nice thought.

At least he still has Killer, at least a little.

Nim finally finishes and the flood of magic pressing against his makes him ill but at least it is finally over. She moves around and Ccino zones out again as he just lets her do whatever.

In the end Ccino ended up regretting admitting to the slave contract. Mostly because after he thought about it he realised he was willing to do it. To run away with Killer. Would it be a painful death, yes. But, in trade for that, he would get at least two months or being happy with Killer. They could visit Killer’s favourite places. Killer could show him so many things about this world. They could truly just be a couple, at least for a little while.

Ccino ended up trying to accept the deal still. Telling Killer he wanted to run away with him. Killer had looks so excited and asked him if he figured out how to stop the contract. Ccino had smiled and explained that he hadn’t, but that it would be fine. Killer had not agreed and cancelled the whole running away thing. Ccino knows that Killer said that he didn’t want to risk Ccino and end up killing him. But Ccino can’t help but think that this isn’t living either. At least those two months he would have been truly free and happy with Killer. That was what made it worth it… but Ccino ended up not telling Killer this. Killer seemed very distressed about the whole him dying thing and accepting that, best not explain how good the deal sounded to him after some thinking.

Nim has fallen asleep. Ccino is still stuck in her too warm embrace. Guess it is another night of just him suffering the heat as he can’t sleep. He glances around and sees the curtains near the balcony being still. Seems like Killer managed to get outside and close those doors.

Ccino is sad to see him go, to have their night be cut short. Killer can’t visit that often and now Ccino can’t even ride the euphory that being with Killer brought him as Nim had ruined and dirtied those lingering feelings and touches.

He hopes he can see Killer soon again.

--

Ccino isn’t paying much attention to the healers giving him, and the harem members, their check up. it is a weekly thing, everyone who the king found worthy to have sex with is to be checked in case they managed to carry twins. Any non-twin soullings get removed in these appointments as well.

They are just part of his routine at this point.

He sits on one of the beds as he waits to hear the verdict. He has already seen two of the eight here be given the drink to terminate non-twin soullings. Ccino never had to drink one of those before but from what he heard from others it tastes rather bland. But the aftereffect leaves you feeling cold for almost a full week and some have gotten sick after consuming it.

The healers are by his side still and Ccino is slightly annoyed. They are usually faster. Though he doubts they will try anything again. Even Nigel is that bold after Nim already warned him once. Even Mar didn’t risk it after that even as they stared wishfully at Nim.

Nigel frowns slightly as he mutters some words to Mar and Mar leaves to grab something from a shelf.

Ccino doesn’t care as his mind is still filled with a light bliss. Killer had managed to come by the day before yesterday. Nim had been busy the whole day with work and her council and Killer had been ballsy enough to sneak in in bright daylight and they spend the whole day together. It was truly amazing and he has been riding that high for the last two days now.

Mar suddenly rushes over to Nim, who is standing nearby looking disappointed at the two of her harem who had to drink the soulling termination drink. Mar bows deeply to Nim and Nim focusses on them. They speak about something but they are far enough that Ccino can’t really hear it.

Nim’s flames suddenly grow brighter and higher as she rushes over towards Nigel and leans closer to the healer and Nigel shows some results and shows an orb which-

Is a mixed colour. Purple and yellow.

Ccino is shocked. One of those here is carrying twins…

The orbs will change colour to fit the energy of a soulling.

This obviously only works if the monster or human is pregnant. From what Ccino understands is that a skilled healer can feel if a soul is carrying a soulling. Than they use the orb to sense the fragile soullings soulenergy while filtering out the most available soultrait. Though the soultrait test is a lot less reliable as soullings often shift soultraits as they grow and grow most stable. Not to forget that normal monsters don’t really have an obvious soultrait marker in their souls, it often represents in their magic or small details.

This Ccino only knows as he heard the healers tell this story many times to different harem members.

The things that matters is, the fact that the orb is showing two colours. It means it is sensing two different fragile soultraits. Meaning, twins.

Nim absolutely lights up and her flames are near white with her excitement. Ccino just knows her face has the same gleefulness to it, if it hadn’t been hidden by her veil.

Everyone is watching closely.

Nim speaks full of excitement “Who is carrying my twins?”

Nigel looks almost… amused? Is that the right word? Nigel bows deeply “Well my king, It is none other than your consort of course.”

Ccino feels something in his mind break. No. No… No no no no no!

Nim turns and her veil covered face stares into his direction. Moments later she is by his side and rubs his cheek and kisses his skull “Oh my dear Lyra, you are truly perfect.”

Ccino’s mind can’t even focus on the fact she is using that name again. No. What do you mean he is carrying twins?! He never! It never happened before! He had too little energy and no magic! How could he be carrying twins?!

Ccino watches silently as the others are quickly removed from the medical room. All rushed out after their check ups finish. Nim keeps looking so fucking content as she strokes his face and arms and hands. Leaving behind tender and slightly painful marks.

Ccino isn’t even paying attention as Nigel and Mar talk to him about what he will need to do to keep the health of the new twins up. To make sure both are healthy enough to be born and how to ensure this. Something about magic transfers and confinement and rest. Ccino doesn’t like the idea of magic transfers. He always feels sick after a small magical donation and the idea of getting those almost daily doesn’t sit well with him. But he has to as apparently his body just doesn’t make enough magic to support the twins.

Ccino doesn’t understand why he can’t just eat more. Food should give energy for magic right? why can’t he just eat and get magic that way? Then again… he would grow fat and Nim doesn’t want that…

The conversation continues on for a while longer before he follows Nim out quietly.

Nim hums happily as she walks, expecting him to keep up, “Oh what a wonderous day. I just knew you would be perfect, and now you prove it even more! So perfect and just like Lyra. We will obviously need to make sure you remain nearby. But just leaving you in a room to rest? No. That is such a waste! I want everyone to see the joy, the perfection. New twins. Just in time as well.”

Ccino just nods along. Still feeling numb as he follows her footsteps. Trying not to… not to what? What does he do?

They get back to Ccino’s own room as Nim looks around it with distaste “Oh this will not work. I can not have the one carrying my twins remain here. I will have to speak with people to get your new room ready.” She nods to herself as she starts to leave.

Ccino doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get it. How did this happen?

Nim stops and turns “What do you mean? Of course I move you to a better location. You are carrying my heirs now. That means people will try to be foolish and harm you as they know they can’t harm me.”

Ccino feels even more anxiety fill him. He hadn’t even thought about that. But the matter remains. He finds his voice and mutters the next question on purpose instead of accident “How… How am I pregnant? I don’t have enough magic for that.” It is a statement. Everyone knew this was the case. No one made it a secret. The council had been displeased with him about his position of consort because he didn’t have the ability to get pregnant. They all agreed Nim was wasting precious time by having him as someone to have sex with.

Nim chuckles as she walks over “Oh that is easy.” She pulls him back and it is scorching hot as one of her hands lays over the front of him. Right where his sternum and soul are hidden behind his thin shirt. “Because I wanted you to carry them.” she leans close and whispers “don’t you feel it? It is still rather new. I did reabsorb their souls after all. It would be a waste to let all of that time and effort go to waste. Instead of wasting time with creating completely new souls for my heirs I just cleansed them.”

Ccino stands frozen as it sinks in “It… it… it are…” he stammers.

Nim hums “Dream and Nightmare. And who else by the one who already took care of them before? I knew your soul would accept the soullings transfer. You were the only choice.” A kiss to his cheek before steps leaving towards the door.

A pause.

“The perfect choice.”

The door closes.

And Ccino falls to his knees. Tears streaming down his face.

--

He feels sick. He can’t really move. The new magic injected into his system still feels wrong. It messes with his senses and his soul hurts so badly.

A wet cloth is placed on his skull and Ccino glances to the side. Robin looks at him so very worried.

Ccino frowns slightly before giving her a pointed look “You… can’t be… here… If she… if Nim finds out…” Nim had been… weirder than usual. He had been moved to this new room… two weeks? Maybe? Ago. It seems that ever since she successfully moved his soullings to his soul she has been… slipping is the best way to describe it.

She has also been calling him by the wrong name many more times. She seems to crackle brighter than ever before and mutter about taking over other lands, which is unheard of for her. Nim never cared about taking over more land or anything. To her it didn’t matter as it was just a waste of time. Why bother with countries that didn’t accept her as leader? Why bother with people who didn’t come to serve her? That is what she had always said.

Robin frowns at him as she cleans helps cool his bones “Yeah she is screaming up a storm against the guards. Something about suspicious footsteps in the garden.” She pauses and mutters “Ccino… I don’t think it is wise for… your friend to visit you…”

Ccino frowns as he shifts his skull into the pillow more “Not like… he can get in here…” it is like a locked box. There isn’t even a window. He feels locked up and uneasy. Trapped. It is too warm and he feels like he is melting from the inside out.

He knows it is impossible for Killer to find out where he is now. Ccino had to explain where his own room was to Killer before he figured out how to get there. Killer doesn’t know where he is now. and that is good. Because it means Killer can’t get into trouble for trying to get to the one carrying the heirs.

Robin mutters softly “I can… try to get a message across? Rogers will help too. Try and explain he needs to escape now…” and she waits.

And that is the problem… because Ccino doesn’t want that. Ccino truly is a terrible person, as all he wants and wishes for is Killer to be here. For even just a moment. Even when knowing how dangerous it is.

Ccino rolls up more as he can’t look at Robin “I… I don’t… I don’t know…”

Robin frowns before the door opens just an edge. Rogers is outside and whispers “The shift in the guard will be here soon. You need to go now before the next group Robin.” Rogers shoots him a smile before glancing around.

Robin nods as she gives him a gentle hug “It is okay. We will figure something out.” and she leaves the room.

He truly feels terrible as he just lays there. Prisoner of this room with only his own selfish thoughts to keep him company.

Is this… is this a punishment? From… It?

Ccino doesn’t understand. He thought… He thought he already got punished for him asking for help. For accepting help form It. That that was why It killed his twins…

But now he… he is carrying them? Little Dream and Nightmare? Both of them? It will kill him… is that punishment for no longer giving It attention? Or is this truly just Nim?

Why does he think of It as a god yet doesn’t see Nim as one?

He doesn’t know anymore…

He doesn’t… he doesn’t know what he can even do anymore.

He closes his eyes as he just wills himself to sleep. He keeps hoping he will wake up in his normal room. Hell he would even accept it being Nim’s at this point. Just not this jail anymore. Not this prison.

He thinks he falls asleep… Maybe… He isn’t fully sure. He feels sick. So very sick. He just wants to sleep and not feel anything for a while.

A soft voice gently speaking “Ccino? Ccino please… what is wrong? Are you sick? What is happening?”

Ccino frowns slightly as he opens his sockets. He glances to the side and… Killer? How… when? Is… is he asleep? This has to be a dream right?

Ccino tries to push himself up but his arms shake violently and he falls almost immediately. Killer is by him and helps him up a little “Ccino?! What is going on? Please tell me.”

Ccino sobs as he looks with a teary smile at Killer. The pain at least proves this is real. Killer found him… Killer managed to find him! He doesn’t answer right away as he just hugs Killer. Sobbing softly. He finally feels safe. The arms hold him and he wants it to never end. But… No… this is too dangerous…

He sobs as he mutters through his sniffs “You… you need… need to go… if she… if she finds you… if she figures out… you need to go…” it hurts so much. He doesn’t want him to go.

Killer shakes his skull “No. please. What is wrong? What did she do? What is this stuff?” he glances to the side where Ccino knows the magic injector lays. Killer looks so panicked.

Ccino smiles sadly and laughed “What… you haven’t heard the great news?” He keeps his smile up even if he feels it shake as his sight grows hazy with his tears “The next heirs are on their way. The next set of twins are planned to be born…” He sobs as he just leans against Killer “I don’t… I don’t want to die… I don’t… I really don’t Killer… What… what do I do?”

Killer holds him close and seems to remain quiet. Ccino just leans into the hug. He sobs as he shakes in his arms.

Killer finally finds his voice “What… what is… the injector for?”

Ccino shakes as he remembers the terrible feeling of the magic being injected. It never feels the same as his own body notices the invasive magic but can’t do anything to stop it. He shakes as he just pushes closer. Killer is familiar, Killer is safe. He can tell Killer. It is okay. He mutters “I… I don’t… have enough magic… never did… This… this is to make sure… I can carry… to term…” he shakes.

Killer pulls him closer “Why not just give you more food?! You eat like what… once a week? Why not just give you normal fucking meals?”

Ccino just lays in those arms. Leaning close as he relaxes “Can’t risk not being pretty for Nim…” he turns his face to hide it in his shoulder. The scent of the other is familiar and calms him down.

It is okay… Killer is here…

Killer holds him close against him “I… I don’t… I don’t know what to do…”

Ccino can’t help but laugh as he agrees. He doesn’t know what to do either.

They sit like that for a while. Ccino feels himself start to fall asleep again as he enjoys this moment. He isn’t sure if it will have to last him until the end and savours it. The warmth, the secure feeling, the way the other just supports his weight. It all feels so good. It feels real.

Ccino finds himself smiling a little. For a short little moment he is happy.

Killer nuzzles his skull “Is there anything I can do to help you? I can sneak in more food. I can get you more things. Anything you want.”

Cino frowns as he thinks. What is there they could do? Escape isn’t possible as Ccino can’t even walk himself anymore. Much less escape with Killer. And risking Killer to keep sneaking in isn’t fair and honestly? All he wants is just this. Killer with him and holding him.

As soon as he gets the idea he tries to ban it from his mind as he answers the other “Nothing that is… nothing that matters.”

The arms hold him tighter “Please tell me?”

Ccino feels unsure and insecure. But… but Killer wants to know right? Maybe it is okay to ask him this? “I… I wish… I wish you could stay…” he laughs softly as he pushes close “I… I am so scared. It is terrifying but… with you nearby I feel less scared…” the idea takes more of a shape in his mind. Killer could fake join the guard. Rogers could sneak him to be higher level. And then when Rogers keeps watch Killer can sneak in. Or when it is Killer’s turn he can sneak in…

Killer is very quiet and Ccino looks at him with a small smile. Only for it to fall. Because… Killer doesn’t… he doesn’t look happy… He looks unhappy and troubled as he looks to the side. Not at him.

He… doesn’t want to…

Killer speaks softly “Ccino… Ccino I am so sorry but… I can’t… I can’t stay here… I… it isn’t me… I am supposed to be out there you know.” he smiles at him but his smile falls “Ccino I…”

Ccino realises he is crying again. Shit no… He didn’t. It doesn’t matter that his soul hurts… It is fine! He is used to this. Why didn’t he expect this? He knew this… this was just… something fun for the other… It wasn’t deep like…

Ccino somehow manages to get the words out even as his voice shakes “Right… I am sorry. I know… I shouldn’t have… It isn’t fair to ask you to… give up your freedom…”

Killer looks so unsure and Ccino manages to pull away from him. He reaches a hand out but Ccino goes back to where his blanket lays. It is so cold “It is fine… I know… I know it isn’t you. I didn’t mean to imply for you to change… it was stupid to ask…”

Killer shakes his skull “It wasn’t stupid…”

Ccino refuses to look at him “It was…” and now… well “It is actually better… This… this place isn’t safe… There are too many guards and if any of them see you you could be hurt… Killer… I… I think it is best if you don’t return…”

Killer is completely quiet “But… I thought… I thought you wanted…”

Ccino feels his soul break even more “Well clearly it doesn’t matter what I want does it?! It never did!”

Silence.

“Just… Killer just leave… I can’t… I can’t deal with you being here anymore. You being here. It means you could get hurt… I can’t… I can’t keep being afraid you will get hurt being here.” Ccino holds himself “Just leave.” Softer to himself “You are good at that.”

There is a silence and Ccino isn’t even sure what he wants. Part of him never wants to see Killer again. He always knew it was just a fun thing for Killer and Ccino was the idiot for falling in love and trying to make believe this into something that mattered and wasn’t just a game to the other. Another, smaller, part of him wants Killer to hug him. To say they can keep doing what has been going on until now. That Killer doesn’t want to say goodbye.

There is a silence and then the door opens a tiny bit… and Killer is gone.

Ccino sobs as he falls over. Crying into the pillow.

He deserves this… clearly he did something to deserve this.

He isn’t sure how long he cries. How long he sobs his stupid soul out. By the time the door opens again he is just staring at the far wall. His sockets hurting and so very exhausted.

Robin joins his side. Looking worried. She speaks but her voice sounds far away. She has to ask the question a few times before it finally makes sense to Ccino.

And he tells her. He tells her what happened. Softly between shakes as his body sobs without tears and sound. That he is an idiot. That he is too blame for this. He should have known better. He should have known this could never be. Now Killer is officially gone and he is never going to get to see him again. His one escape from this everything. Gone.

Robin holds him through his sobs. Gentle in her hold and voice as she tells him it isn’t his fault. That he deserved better.

Ccino can’t find it in himself to believe her.

--

Things have been better and worse.

Better in the way that Ccino has been getting used to things. He has been getting used to the pull on his soul and energy and feeling something try to pull on the magic he doesn’t have, making him unbalanced.

Worse because… well… Everything honestly. He hates having to deal with Nim’s council. He hates having Nim be so delighted and around him the whole time. He hates himself for waiting each night only to cry when no one comes to visit him.

He wishes he could have been brave enough to just run. To just run and die far away from this place.

Nim is looking at reports as Ccino walks by her side. His heart hurting with a starting migraine from all the light and conversations. Nim just speaks about what will come next and what to expect. What will change and how things need to be perfect.

Ccino doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to hear. He doesn’t care about this stupid country. He doesn’t care about her. He. Just. Doesn’t. Care!

He just wants to sleep. Sleep and cry more. But even the little privacy he had for that has gone as Nim hovers. Hands always touching somewhere and making him feel sick.

Nim hums as she trails her hand “But that is for later. I believe I have some time and I wish to spend it enjoying you. It has been much too long since I had that chance.”

Yesterday morning to be exact. Ccino still feels sore and pain from it which the transfer magic just makes worse.

He doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t want to even think about it. He wants to hear anything else. Anything!

He speaks without thinking. “Who is Lyra?”

A moment of silence and Ccino feels like he overstepped as he mutters much softer “It is… You have spoken about this person with fondness before my king. I was curious who could receive such an honour.” And he waits nervously.

Nim stares ahead of her, the way she holds herself is different. She seems… distracted? She speaks softly “Lyra was… Come. I will show you.” and she walks. Ccino blinks and rushes after her even as his body protests.

They go towards Nim’s private wing and follow along some halls until they reach a door but there is no handle or even lock. Nim holds her hand against it and it seemingly melts away. A door only Nim herself can open it seems.

Nim walks inside and motions for him to follow. Ccino follows her in and glances around the small extra room. It is a small bedroom, much like his own private room used to be. But this one is themed with yellows, oranges and reds. Bright and everywhere. The bed is just a frame and the bookcase is empty. There is a large hanger with many dresses and Ccino thinks they look a lot like the ones Nim usually gives him to wear.

Then he glances at where Nim is standing. Her frames illuminating a large painting. It is made with oil paints and the frame is a golden and copper colour. The picture itself is one of Nim sitting on her throne but by her side stands a skeleton. They are wearing a bright orange dress and have a bright smile on their face. Their face is still young, maybe twenty-ish? They have bright orange eye lights and small orange freckles all over their face. They are really pretty.

Nim stares at the painting and hovers her hand near “Lyra.”

Ccino frowns at Nim and waits.

Nim stares at the painting fondly “She was there since the start. For as long as I remembered. My father made sure I had the best as was my right. I had people waiting my every comment and need. Lyra was always there first. She was perfect. She knew what I wanted, when I needed. Would sing and dance and paly music.” The almost tender look breaks away from her face as possessiveness takes over “When I ascended. When I took my birthright. I sought her out. It was only fitting that my first night was with someone perfect just like me.”

Ccino feels uneasy. It is not a good thing she sees her lost… love?  Affection? In him. He glances at the painting “What… happened?” old age? An accident? Assassination?

Nim sighs sadly “Oh she was perfect in every way. It was to be expected she carried my twins for me. That she carried them to completion and to birth.”

Ccino frowns, that can’t be right… “I thought… Dream’s and Nightmare’s mother had been Setta?” Ccino met that woman! And she hadn’t looked like the skeleton in the painting.

Nim frowns at him for a moment before laughing “Oh I am not talking about her. The only thing good about her is that she managed to give me twins. But well, that wasn’t that amazing after all of both of them had been weak.” Ccino feels a rage but keeps it contained. Them getting sick hadn’t been their fault! That isn’t how sickness works!

Nim stares back at the painting “Lyra gave me my first twins. Twin girls. Both looking just like her. Of course, after Lyra’s soul burst with the twin’s birth I killed the twins.”

Ccino stares. In disbelieve with how casually she mentions it. As if it is just remembering what her dinner had been. Not that she killed two babies. Nim continues on as if she doesn’t notice his horror “I realised that it was much too soon to pass the torch of godhood. I had only been a god for five years at that point and I hadn’t even been trying to make twins. I killed them to ensure my rule.” She stares at the paining and her hand strokes the cheek of the skeleton in it “They looked too much like her… They were unworthy of being like her. Or daring to remind me of her.”

Ccino stares at Nim. Fear for his twins filling him “What… what about… my twins?”

Nim blinks and looks long at him “It is time I pass on the torch. You have perfect timing for my new heir.” She smiles as she glances back at the painting “I like it when things are perfect.”

Ccino nods as he is quick to agree “You do deserve perfection.”

Nim looks pleased as she motions towards the exit. Ccino leaves quickly and walks with her. Very little of the day getting through to him as Nim goes about her day criticizing people. His mind keeps turning back to the fact that she… she killed… he is scared for his twins…

Eventually he is left in his prison again. He sits on the soft bed and just stares at the mostly empty room. It truly is just a room for him to rest and that is it. Just a soft bed with soft pillows and warm blankets. Just a shame that it is always too warm and hot in here.

He just sits on the bed and pulls his knees close to hug. He had been so worried about dying that he hadn’t even worried if his twins would be left in an okay place. He knows this place is terrible. He had seen how unfairly Dream and Nightmare had been treated!

The same will happen to them again, if Nim didn’t lie of course. There is a very high chance she lied and the soullings in his soul aren’t Dream and Nightmare. Even if they are still his twins now…

He is confused… He expected himself to hate them… he hates this pregnancy, he hates his situation, he hates this place… but he doesn’t hate the small soullings he has. He finds himself loving them.

Something is seriously wrong with him.

Soft knocks and the door opens just a bit. Rogers glances in and frowns “Ccino sir?”

Ccino just rolls up more.

A moment of silence before the door closes and footsteps come near him. The bed dips in a bit and Rogers speaks softly “Hey… what is wrong?”

Ccino shakes “She killed them.”

Rogers frowns as he holds his hand “You mean… Nim killed Dream and Nightmare?”

Ccino shakes and shakes his skull “No… well she did that too… but before that… she had other children. Another set of twins… she killed them…” he hugs his knees closer causing them to dig into his own chest “How… how can I be sure she won’t just… kill mine? When I am gone? I couldn’t even protect Dream and Nighty… How will I protect these.” He sobs as he glances at Rogers.

Rogers holds him as he shakes “I am not going to be able to protect them. They are going to take them and force them into those horrible roles of before.” And Ccino won’t even be able to protect them this time. Not like he did a good job before obviously but he now can’t even try. He is too weak.

Rogers keeps holding him “We will still be here Ccino. Please don’t think we would just abandon them.”

Ccino stares at Rogers “huh?”

Rogers gives a small smile as he puts an arm around him to keep him stable “It is all we can do… Sorry we can’t do more…”

Ccino frowns “What do you mean? Do more?”

Rogers frowns as he looks at the door “I am not sure… I… I am sorry… Robin and I tried to… search for a way to help you… We spoke with healers and realised there were two options really but…” he looks at him “We didn’t think you would be okay with someone removing the soullings.”

Ccino looks up shocked and stares “What…?”

Rogers sighs and looks at him. He looks tired. “Ccino… We see this destroying you. You are dying… We… we just want to help. And one of the options was well… removing what was killing you.” and he looks at him.

Ccino slowly shakes his skull as he tries to cover the spot where his soul hides with his twins. Rogers grins and waves at him “Yeah. That is what we figured. We had another option… On some of my missions and heard about a soulling transfer. Usually when the one originally carrying isn’t strong or healthy enough to carry the soulling a transfer is done as a last resort. We searched for people who could do this procedure for you but… It is only an option in Sanctuary.” And he looks so disappointed “I am sorry… I swear we tried to find solutions… to save you and both your twins… We are sorry.”

Ccino stares in shock… He had thought… He hadn’t thought they would… “Nim would have never allowed it…”

Rogers shrugs “Robin had been okay with carrying one of the twins for you. We would have lied and just said the child was Robin’s and mine’s. You would still show all the signs. Than when it was ready for the twins to be born Robin would sneak the child back to you…” Rogers laughs and shakes his head “But there is no way to have gotten you there for the treatment needed. And there is no way such a specialist healer would be willing to come here.” He smiles.

Ccino feels a shock but a small warmth starts to spread in his soul. His friends truly… truly care for him? He can’t help but smile as he leans against one of his only two true friends “Thank you.”

Rogers snorts “We did nothing… It ended up a disappointment.”

Ccino shakes his skull as he leans against the other “You two tried to help. You two worked hard to find solutions and ways to help me… I appreciate it more than anything. Thank you.”

Rogers keeps holding him “You did so much for Robin and me both Ccino… Of course we try to help you as well.”

Ccino snorts “Seriously? Robin was always helping me. Not the other way around. And all I ever did for you was just… normal stuff? Be nice?” he smiles at the other.

Rogers grins “It would surprise you how much that matters Ccino. To have someone just be friendly and not tell you your every action is wrong and that you ruin everything by just trying.” He sighs “I always believed that serving god-king Nim would be the greatest honour. That it would be the way to a bright future and work towards that… Everything I have seen here. Heard here? Everything was fake. You helped me see through that façade Ccino.” He nudges their shoulders together “And in the end I gained two friends…”

Ccino smiles as he leans against his friend. Letting himself relax just a little. Knowing that his two friends will be there for his twins after he is gone. That everything won’t just be in vain.

--

Ccino is just listening as the council and Nim talk about future plans and ideas for how to proceed. They are asking her how she plans to finish a war before the birth of the new twins and Nim seems to consider this as she looks at the timeline. Seems like she had been serious about wanting more land. The council however are unsure. Mentioning how they will need to spend time and resources on the twins over a war.

Honestly with how they talk about these factors they imply that raising two children is as difficult as winning a war. Then again they plan to poison his twins’s minds and opinions so maybe it does take some time and resources.

The people on the council had shot him looks when Nim walked in with him by her side but no one dared to go against their god and king. Ccino had sat down and acted as if he wasn’t there. Still listening of course but acting as if he didn’t pay attention.

Nim feels unimpressed “I want Ironfields to be added to my territory. And as it is my wish, it is my right as god living among the mortals.”

Aurora, a deer monster, glances at the reports “And we agree our king. But with the twins on their way isn’t it best to postpone your planned victory until after they are born and situated?”

Nim sighs as she waves a hand “By then I will be gone and Dream will have taken over my godhood.”

Ccino blinks and looks over “What?”

Someone in the council glares at him but Ccino doesn’t care as he focusses on Nim “What… what do you mean? Isn’t that… how could they be crowned when they are just born?” that makes no sense?!

Nim looks at him and the veil doesn’t show any of her emotions but the glee is clear in the room as she sends those out. “It is about time I pass my godhood. It is best to pass it early to ensure it remains at strength. As soon as our twins are born. I will give my powers over to Dream. Trusting my magic to guide him to do his next step.”

Ccino stares as his mind spins. Does… does she mean that… when Ccino’s… when his babies are finally back. After all this time… They will just be… alone again? Nim isn’t a good mother or parent but she is still their parent! He had… why had he thought that she would help them? He had hoped that someone would look after them like he had before.

But… but if they expect them… if they immediately expect Dream to take over… to ascend. He won’t even get the most basic of childhoods. He won’t even get the chance to be before he is trust into the role of god king…

Dream and Nightmare won’t even get the chance to be twins or brothers or friends. Not at all.

“No.”

A silence follows that single word.

Nim slowly turns back to him “Excuse you.”

Ccino stares ahead of him before staring right at Nim. A rage unlike anything before enters his whole being as he glares “I. Said. No.” He knows his face hardens as he stands there. In front of their god king. In front of the whole council which he means nothing to.

Nim stares at him through her veil. He can feel the weight of the gaze. The air mirrors her emotions as they turn bemused “Oh really. No?”

Ccino nods “No. Dream will not immediately ascend. Neither of them will. They are babies!” He stressed the word. He can’t believe she would… That any of them would!

Someone snorts and Ccino thinks he hears something about him being overemotional but Ccino easily ignores them. He focusses on Nim.

The bemusement turns amused as she walks over to him “I will ignore that you spoke against me. You care too much about things that do not matter dear.” A hand strokes his cheek “All that matters… Is me. And what I wish.”

He feels the magic in the very old contract tighten around his soul. It hadn’t felt and hurt like this in ages. Not since the start. Not since he learned to follow the silent orders and requests. Until it became second nature.

No. No.

He takes a few steps back, ripping himself away from her touch “Don’t touch me! You do not get to hurt my twins!” He raises both his hands over his sternum as he glares “I don’t care what you want them to be! They are mine now too, just as much mine as they are yours and I say no!” He glares. His gaze is growing hazy as the pressure around his mind and soul increase. “And I say that they get to be children! They get to grow up! Just like they did before! They deserve a chance to be happy after you murdered them for no reason!”

Silence around them, or maybe they are screaming. Ccino doubts he could have heard them over the ringing in his skull. His body is starting to shake to keep standing. To keep speaking against what is expected of him.

The amusement turns to rage and pushes down on him. It is hard to keep upright.

“How dare you speak out against your king!” She is enraged. Furious.

There should be fear. But the thought of his twins. Finally returned and him gone as he dies. Left with nothing. Left with no one. No one to hold them. No one to love them. No one to tell them it will be okay. That they are so good, and smart, and amazing. That they are perfect just the way they are. All because she wants them to be what she wants?! After she betrayed them!

Ccino forces his sockets back open and his eye lights to focus on the burning flame in front of him. It is warm. It is burning hot in matter of fact. Her rage burns around them. It is scorching. But Ccino focusses as he stares at her.

“You are not my king.” With each word he speaks he finds himself standing taller “My order was to serve the future king. Nd the future king is a soulling in my own soul at this very moment. I served you, did what you wanted, all of it. Because you were supposed to have the wellbeing of the next king in mind. But you are no longer acting in his best interest, maybe you never were.” The pressure is gone. He stands upright as he stares at her It is hard to see her, it is hard to feel his mouth and body “You are not my king. You are not my god. You are a brat throwing a tantrum each time you do not get what you want. And I can know as I raised your children for you once before. And I will not let you hurt them.”

The room showcases how furious she is. But Ccino can’t see her anymore. It is all hazy and clouded. He can’t quite focus. What… what is he doing again? Why is he here?

Nim’s voice sounds far away “You will be punished for this-”

“I am not done speaking.”

Wait… did he say something? He thought his mouth moved… but everything is hazy… He can’t think… He is so tired.

“You are no king, and surely no god. You took powers that were never yours to take.” He is saying… something? Maybe? Ccino isn’t sure… He thinks he is speaking but he can’t hear it…

“You are a disgrace. Your whole family line before you is. You were never allowed to take this magic. To use and abuse it. It was not yours to take. He was not yours to take.”

There is… rage? But it feels different. Not like Nim’s… But different… It reminds him of when Ccino got angry on behave of his twins. When he caught sight of Nightmare cutting his hand to practise for rituals. Of when Dream was sobbing because people told him he wasn’t working hard enough and the stress got to him…

“But I am here once again. I am here to reclaim what is rightfully mine. You will be forgotten. You will no longer poison this land. Your touch will no longer hurt him. Ans his twins will no longer have to fear for your disapproval. You will just be a bad memory, but one that will face with time. And you will be forgotten as the land heals from you and your ancestors abuse.”

A loud crack of something. Like wood splintering. Like earth moving as a landslide. It is loud and harsh. The ground shakes under him but Ccino doesn’t feel himself fall. He is… still standing? How is he standing? He should have collapsed right?

He is so tired…

The pain around his soul and mind finally fully disappear. The harsh light and heat around him is gone. And his mind finally goes blissfully silent as he feels himself slip away.

----

His body feels sore… Not like when Nim touched him… but like when he used to run around the castle for a long day. After a long day of working. As if he exercised too much.

It is strange.

Ccino groans as he pushes his skull into the soft pillow under him before he frowns. It feels… like cotton? Not like the silk that is in Nim’s room or his prison room? But he has had to sleep there for ages now. Why would he be in his own room?

He forces his eyes open and looks around confused. The first thing he sees is the crystal glass rose that Killer gave him a long time ago. Still safely on his nightstand. It truly is his room. He glances to the side and sees his own window, cracked open with a few flower pots with different plants in them. All were gifts from when Killer still entertained Ccino’s delusional ideas. That Killer had truly loved him. Ccino would be given plants from every place Killer visited. All the native plants. Killer ahd told him that it was the least he could do, with Ccino being unable to visit those places he could take a little of them back to Ccino.

His room? But…

“Ccino!! You are alive!” Two arms lock around him and Ccino is shocked.

Mostly because it is very out of character for Rogers to do that?

Ccino stares at his friend “Rogers? What… What is going on? Why wouldn’t I be alive?” He isn’t near his due-date yet. Sure he isn’t the healthiest but there is no reason why he would die quickly.

Rogers pulls back a little and seems to look him over. Ccino can’t help but notice the dark marks under his eyes. Rogers looks thinner and paler than usual. He is exhausted. Ccino frowns at him “Have you been resting? Eating okay? You look…”

Rogers laughs “Like shit? You can say it. Robin says it all the time.” As soon as he says that he walks towards the side of the door and rings a string there-

Wait… since when does his room have a system to call for a servant? Ccino doesn’t have that… He glances around the room again and frowns. He… thinks this is his room but it feels… different… Was his room always this large? That can’t be right.

Rogers returns to his side “Robin will be here soon. She was getting food for us and will now also get some for you.”

Ccino blinks and mutters, mostly out of habit “I don’t think it is my eat day.”

Rogers waves it off “Oh don’t worry. No one will try to tell you what to do at the moment.” He looks deeply amused by this.

Ccino stares at his friend “What… What do you mean?”

Rogers’s grin falls as he looks unsure “Wait… you don’t remember?”

Ccino feels himself frown as he thinks back. He was with Nim at the council… They… were planning things? For the future? Like always? Ccino keeps frowning as he stares down “I… I am not sure? I was at the council meeting right? With the king? I…” his mind remains blank. Nothing connects for a while. All he can hear is soft rustling of leaves and he glances upwards before staring “Why are there vines alone the ceiling with leaves?”

Rogers looks shocked but before he can say a word the door opens and Robin rushes inside. Ccino manages a glance and sees there are two guards outside but they are staying far away from the door.

Robin just stands there for a moment. By the door. She pushes the plates she is carrying on top of the dresser before rushing to his side and two arms lock around him again. Another familiar embrace and Ccino hugs his friend close and sighs. It is good to be with his friends. They rarely get the chance to spend time together with how much Nim had been-

Nim!!

Ccino glances around worried “Is this… Okay? What is Nim finds out?” He doesn’t want to get his friends hurt because he is weak and needs their support!

Robin frowns as she looks obviously confused “Ccino what do you mean?”

Ccino looks between his friends confused as he starts to feel like he missed something very important. Luckily Rogers shakes his head at Robin “Robin… It can honestly wait. He doesn’t remember. Lets first eat.”

Robin blinks before nodding “Yeah… Yeah honestly that is fine. I don’t think there really is a rush at this point?” she walks back to the plate and brings it over. Ccino glances at it and sees cut fruits and some bowls with yogurt. Robin grabs the smallest bowl and puts some banana and apples into it. She mixes it and even adds a little bit of honey. She hands it to him with a spoon “Eat.”

Ccino blinks “But it isn’t my-”

Robin glares at him and Ccino feels himself stop talking. Robin stares him down “You are going to eat that. Take as much time as you want. Eat it slowly. Savour every bite if you want. But eat.” She looks close to begging “Please. Just eat. Don’t worry about punishment okay? I swear it is safe. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

She really wouldn’t. Ccino takes a small bite as he watches Robin and Rogers getting their own bowl ready. It is nice. To just enjoy a moment together with his two friends. They eat their own food and they seem relaxed. And if they are relaxed it is really okay… right? Otherwise they wouldn’t be this calm.

Even with it being a small bowl Ccino can’t eat it all. He feels full and thinks he will start to feel sick or need to vomit if he eats anything else. Robin doesn’t mention it as she takes the bowl and puts it aside. Afterwards she sits by his side and checks him quickly. Check if he can stand, if his coordination is fine, check his relaxes.

Robin sighs in relieve as she sits back “Okay. You are actually okay…” she hugs him again.

Ccino nods “I feel fine…” Better than fine now he has some actual food. He feels less light headed already and less shaky. Even if he can handle both just fine at this point it is more comfortable even if he feels heavy and full and there is still the worry that he did something wrong by eating. “Will you two please tell me what is going on?”

Robin looks unsure as she glances at Rogers. Rogers leans closer “What do you remember. And take your time. Maybe something else came back?”

Ccino frowns as he concentrates “I was at the council meeting with god king Nim… They were discussing plans about how she wanted to take over Ironfields. Invade and concur. They spoke about how the timing was off for it as the twins are on their way and-” He freezes “She wanted… she wanted… To pass on her crown… as soon as they were born.” Both Robin and Rogers look up shocked. Ccino feels his breathing pick up a bit as memories flash through his mind “I… I panicked… I spoke out…” He can’t believe… How did he? How did he manage? “It…” he remembers how his mind and soul had felt on fire. To go against what he was ordered to do. To just support and serve. To stand against it. “It hurt but… She wanted to… take their lives away again. Before they even had a chance to be and… and…” he frowns “Then it went black…” He looks at his two friends “How am I still alive?” Or better why isn’t he locked up? Why does he still have his tongue or his ability to speak? Why is he still comfortable after that?

Robin presses a little bit “And that was all? Nothing after that?”

Ccino shakes his skull “I… I think more happened? But I wasn’t all there? I felt…” he frowns “There was this rage… but it wasn’t… her rage…” he knows what her emotions feel like. The way she forces them all to feel it. To know what she feels at all times and to take that into account. “It felt different… I am just sure it wasn’t hers…”

Robin nods and looks at Rogers “I wasn’t there myself but Rogers was.”

Rogers nods “I was guarding the door.” Ccino nods as he remembers him standing there when he followed their king inside “And I am not sure about the details. I just know we heard Nim yell and so we entered.” Ccino frowns. Rogers, and Robin for that matter, never risked referring to Nim with just Nim.

“We ran in and let me tell you. It was insane. There was magic everywhere. Nim was burning brighter than the sun. But you just stood there. In the middle of the inferno but something was off. The way you were standing wasn’t like you. It was much more hostile. Your sockets were alit with magic. This yellowish green. Like newly grown leaves.” Ccino just stares in shock. Him… magic? Rogers continues “You were speaking but it wasn’t your voice. It was something else we think. It spoke about how Nim wasn’t worthy of the power she had abused. Of the title she had unrightfully gotten. It spoke about how she didn’t deserve you Ccino.”

Ccino blinks as he is starting to get a sinking feeling.

Rogers grins at him “How she is no longer allowed to be near either you or your twins. And it called them yours, not hers. And then…” Rogers seems to look for words as he glances at the walls “You know how we all talk about how the walls seem almost tree like in nature? How we always compare it to roots, or vines, or tree trunks or something like that?” He waits until they both nod and then he continues “The very floor shifted. It split apart and roots started to climb up Nim. Even as she tried to burn them nothing happened. She shot a fire ball at you Ccino but a vine was lightning fast as it intercepted it. Rendering it useless… The… the floor, the castle itself, swallowed Nim whole.”

Ccino stares at his hands. His mind spinning. It… It… Why did It… after Ccino… Why?

“Obviously. After that it was chaos. You stood frozen for a few more moments before you fell over unconscious. The very roots that had pulled Nim into the ground caught you instead and laid you down carefully on the ground. Someone in the guard walked closer with a raised weapon and a vine impaled him.” Rogers stresses the word “Again, chaos. Then… the priest spoke up. Said that it must have been the power. The very thing granting their kings the power to become god. And that by it rejecting Nim it showed that Nim had failed it but by granting you mercy it must still see a future in your twins… Or something like that, honestly at the time I was in shock.” Rogers shrugs a little “After that I offered to bring you to a room to rest. They had looked at me like I was insane but I figured if whatever this was wanted to protect either you or the twins it wouldn’t hurt me as I never wanted anything but you all to be okay and healthy.” He looks a little smug “And I was right, as I was allowed near without issue and was allowed to carry you out…”

Robin speaks up next “This is when I met up with you two. But the vines themselves locked away other rooms and entrances. It kept people away. We got lead to this room, your room. We have been taking turns to remain by your side as the other works and sees what is going on and happening.”

Ccino’s mind is spinning. What is he supposed to think? He thought that It. He isn’t even sure what he thought anymore or what he was supposed to think.

He is confused.

That is a good summary of how he feels. Confused.

Ccino stares down “It… doesn’t make sense…” None of this does.

Rogers and Robin share a look as Robin smiles “Maybe whatever the power is saw you are actually good? A good person? And decided to want to help you?”

Ccino shakes his skull as he glances to the side. He eyes the door but it is closed and he knows his room is secure, Killer and him were never caught after all and they used to hang out in his room before Ccino moved to Nim’s permanently…

And if… if It truly is helping him… then It won’t let anyone hear this conversation… right? They never heard him in the tunnels and that has to be It’s doing…

Ccino speaks softly “It… doesn’t make sense because… I was sure It was mad at me…” There.

Rogers and Robin both look confused before Robin’s eyes widen “You know what the power is?”

Ccino shakes his skull “No… I never knew what It was… I just knew It was there…” he rubs his arms “It used to… help… Remember how I… would show up in places? Very quickly? That sometimes I just seemed to disappear and reappear? Remember how ages ago I told you I used a tunnel that you knew didn’t exist?”

Robin gives a slow now. Her eyes wide in shock. Ccino nods “It… would make these tunnels. Or small staircases or areas I could climb up or down. Small pathways all around the castle. It was easy to get places as the tunnels were always only one path. No turns or twists. Just a straight path from A to B which was much quicker than should have been possible…”

Rogers frowns “If this being helped you… why did you think they were mad at you?”

Ccino looks down at his hands and mutters “It made them sick… It caused the sickness that fell over them…”

There is a silence as Ccino feels the grief as strongly as always. He misses his twins so much. He knows that Nim said their souls are within his now but Ccino doesn’t believe it, he can’t let himself start to hope to see them again only to not see them. He can’t do that to himself. He can also not do that to his babies. He will only get a short time to meet them, if he is lucky and his soul manages to hold on for a bit longer, he needs to shower them with love and affection when he can. Need to make sure those two new souls feel loved and cared for.

“What if it wasn’t against you?”

Ccino blinks and looks up at Rogers.

Rogers is still frowning as he speaks “Everyone knew that the twins died and that Nim let it happen. We all heard the statement she made that the twins had gotten weak and sick and unworthy of the title as her heir… but that was her choice…” Rogers gives him a sad smile “Am I right?”

Right… Ccino had been the only one of the three of them who had been close to the twins before. Robin worked with the other maids mainly and Rogers hadn’t even been working here at that point…

Ccino nods and quietly tells them about how Nim had the option to help them. To give them strength to recover but that she denied them that.

Rogers nods as he speaks “I think… Maybe it wasn’t something against you or your twins… But against Nim. A test maybe?” He looks sheepish “I won’t lie and say I know how gods or deities or spirits work. But… Maybe it wasn’t meant to hurt you or them… maybe it was just meant to be some sort of test for Nim? Which she failed horribly in a way that went much worse than it expected?”

Ccino frowns as he pulls on his own hands slightly. Making the joints between his fragile bones stretch “It… it doesn’t matter… what do I do now?” How is he supposed to deal with this? People will want answers and he doesn’t have them!

Robin shrugs “Just let the priest figure stuff out.”

Rogers looks disapproving at her “Robin.”

Robin glances back at him “What? I am serious. We don’t know the answers and no one is going to expect us to know. Ccino went unconscious which could mean many things. They are not going to risk his or the twins health. Especially not with the deity having made clear that it does not approve of anyone harming Ccino, or the twins.” She crosses her arms “I say. We focus on making sure you” she looks at Ccino “And your twins are healthy while we just pay attention. We stick nearby, act invisible as they all want. Let them forget we are nearby and than we just listen. We will pay attention to what they say.”

Ccino just feels more unsure “And what if they do demand me to do stuff? What if they see this as a sign that I… I… Like have those stupid powers?! I can’t do magic!” He stresses the words and feels his voice go higher with his panic.

Rogers taps his chin and shrug “Just say stuff? Say you haven’t heard a specific message yet. That for now it means that they want everyone to follow what they said before.”

Ccino turns slowly to Rogers “You want me to just… use the situation?!”

Rogers makes a so-so sign “Just a little. Just enough to make sure you are safe. Again, only if they start demanding you give them answers.”

Ccino covers his face “This is going to end horribly.”

Robin hums as she pushes him to lay down and tugs him in “Maybe. But you are alive. You are awake. Your twins are still with you, and Nim is gone. I think that means you can take a moment to just rest. Sleep peacefully knowing nobody will come and ruin it for you.” she smiles “We will just have to see what happens. But if we play our few cards right we can make this work in our adventage.”

Ccino looks unsure “But we don’t have any kind of power here… At all.” Just like always they are powerless.

Robin grins “Not exactly. We have one very powerful card at least. That is that we know you don’t have any true connection to it. I have heard them mutter about it picking you as vessel while it waits for the new god-king to be born. Others say that Nim was never the other parent but the power itself was.”

Ccino shoots her a look at that one as he knows that is not how soullings are made and everyone knows that. Robin grins “The point is. Everyone is confused. Everyone is looking for answers and any answer is possible. You didn’t just reshuffle the deck Ccino. You changed out the entire game… and everyone thinks you are the only one with the rulebook. Use that. Use them thinking you know even if you don’t.”

Ccino frowns as he considers it. He still isn’t a fan of lying. But if he words stuff right… if he is vague… maybe?

Rogers nods “But that is for later. I am going to stand guard for the next shift while Robin works. Do you need anything?”

Ccino shakes his head but even then Robin still promises to bring him something to drink that is nutritious. Ccino is noticing a very suspicious absent of the injector and magic vials and Ccino is pretty sure that either Robin or Rogers made it disappear. Maybe they loudly questioned if the power of the god-kings would approve or just any magic being injected into the one carrying the next generation…

Ccino snorts as he rolls up in his blanket. It is soft. It is familiar. The door closes as his two friends leave to work.

Ccino glances up at the ceiling before he mutters “I… I am sorry… I just… it hurt a lot to lose them… It was easier to blame you and ignore you… than to admit that only Nim was at fault and knowing I could do nothing to get rid of the anger and fear and… I am sorry… I know it is a bad excuse and…” rustling.

Ccino glances upwards and sees a lot of tiny flowers start to bloom. All along the ceiling and top of the bedposts. The flowers themselves are full and seem to have double blossoms. He can’t quite see in the low light but thinks they may be pink? Carnations? Maybe…?

Ccino yawns as he falls asleep. For the first time in a long time feeling a little bit safe. He is okay… It is okay...

--

He glances over the wall and quickly ducks down again. Shit more guards.

Seriously did that abusive asshole up the guards again?! Honestly you would think she is insecure with the amount of guards.

He huffs as he glances around. He could double back and go through the garden again. Use the bushes as cover as he makes his way to the castle…

He sighs as he rubs his cheek, flicking the tar like tears off of his hand. This is such a mess… It never was this hard to sneak in before. Killer can know as he used to do this monthly! And the only reason he didn’t do it more often was because he and Ink had work and missions to do!

Killer sees his chance and rushes behind some guards. He manages to get past the first open space and quickly dives into one of the servant tunnels to get into the cellar.

Killer is a fucking idiot.

He had been miserable for the last month. Just staring ahead and be distracted. It had come to an end because Ink, INK, had told him that if he wanted to see his boyfriend so badly he should just go to him.

So now Killer is here, right in the capital sneaking into the castle to see if he can beg and gravel enough to get Ccino to give him another chance.

Killer is still mentally working on his apology. He hasn’t come much further than admitting he is a coward and an idiot.

Ccino had asked him to stay, and Killer had said no. You know. Like an asshole.

But then Killer had the fucking nerve to feel hurt when Ccino asked him to not return. No Killer said no to giving Ccino even the tiniest bit of comfort and support while he was struggling but Killer got sad that Ccino didn’t want to also risk more trouble if Killer was discovered.

Killer pops his skull out of the panel and glances around. Wine barrels all around but no actual people. Killer climbs out of the tunnel and carefully and quietly closes the panel again. He inches towards the ladder and slowly climbs it.

Killer had left, as asked, and been sad and miserable. Worse that with time it became painfully obvious that Killer had truly valued his own freedom over the time he spend with Ccino, as if those can not go together.

How selfish is he? That Killer is unwilling to let Ccino choose his own freedom? But makes sure Killer keeps it himself?

Killer gets out of the cellar and glances around the hall. He goes from shadow to shadow as he tries to move quietly but remain on the move. It is important that he doesn’t stop. If he stops he can be spotted and discovered. Movement is your friend in this situation.

Killer truly can’t stand the idea of living in a world without Ccino. And because Killer is weak and a coward he denied Ccino his own freedom. He denied him the chance to live.

Killer had figured… That even if Ccino was stuck here that he could keep visiting him. Keep bringing him gifts and presents. Little pieces of the world that Killer himself was keeping him away from.

Killer groans as he puts his face into his hands “Focus focus. Just. Focus. Get to his room.” Prison “And just… Make it okay!” Well not okay… “Okay. Make it a bit better!” He just wants to see him so badly. He wants to hear him speak. Even if it is to shout at him!

Killer’s mind hisses at the very thought. Ccino would never. He is too kind and an actual good person. Even when Killer denied him everything he wanted each time over and over he was always nice. He is too nice.

This fucking world does not deserve him… Killer doesn’t deserve him.

Killer glances around the corner and rushes over towards the next hallway. This part sucks as he just needs to run to get there.

He still isn’t sure how to tell him he is sorry. That the truth was that he was terrified of losing the person he was. That he was afraid that staying in the castle would make him lose himself. That he is sorry that he wasn’t strong enough. It wouldn’t have even been forever! Ccino… had already been…

It had been a matter of time…

He could have handled it. He should have been able to handle it!

He finds the door and grins. Finally. It is tugged away deep in the castle. Only one door and no windows. The fact the door is only lockable form the outside still gives Killer the bad shivers. He kneels down and takes out his lock picks. A push here and-

The door opens immediately.

Killer sits frozen for a moment but no one walks out. He frowns and nudges the door open…

Only to find the room completely empty.

Killer stares.

No. No no no… There is no way. There is no way he is… gone… there is no way!

Maybe… Maybe Nim was being a freak again? An asshole and a rapist and abuser? Maybe Ccino was in Nim’s room? Because Nim was a piece of shit and wanted to hurt him?

Killer rushes down the halls again. New destination clear in mind.

It was a risk to go through the castle instead through the outside but he needs to see him. Please. Please still be okay. Don’t make him have lost him already. He thought… He had hoped he would have at least a little while. To hold him and actually be there for him for once. To feel that love a little bit longer even if Ccino hated him now.

He rushes past guards and can’t help but notice there are a lot more guards than usual. There is a nervous energy in the air and Killer just pushes his limbs to move faster.

He finally finds the king’s room and he listens. He hears nothing. He sees no bright light under the door… He unlocks this door and pushes the door open.

The room is familiar… but empty again.

He wants to cry. No please. He knows… he knows he doesn’t deserve it… he knows he ruined the most beautiful thing and he ever had and his soul hurts. But he had just wanted to see him… to apologise and at least try to be there for the other. At least for a little bit.

He rubs his sockets to wipe the stupid tears away. No. Don’t. You aren’t allowed to do that. You don’t deserve to be sad about it when you are part of the cause of it.

Footsteps and he glances around. He rushes towards the balcony and pretty much launches himself out of it. He grabs some vines and hangs there silently. There is silence before the door is closed again.

Okay. What now? Killer has no idea what to do now. He hadn’t considered the thoughts that maybe Ccino would be gone already….

He sighs as he leans his skull against the wall.

This he does deserve. To live with this regret for the rest of his life.

He sighs as he glances around before noticing something… There is a rose growing on the vine… That is new. He leans backwards a bit and notices that the roses are following one direction specifically. It takes him a moment but he ends up following. May as well and his curiosity is peaked.

He ends up climbing along the wall of the tower which leads to be almost above the courtyard. He follows it back down a bit as his mental map of the place shifts to give him a general idea of where he is and-

The flowers bloom most by a very, very, small balcony��� One he knows so well.

Ccino and him used to sit there, hidden by darkness and the banister. Talking and laughing softly until deep in the evening. He gave Ccino their first kiss right there…

Killer ends up standing there as he glances inside.

There is a shadow in Ccino’s bed. His soul speeds up and he rushes inside.

He is here. The light feeling in his soul is overwhelming. It is too much and he dashes towards the bed. To be by his side. He smiles and sits down on the bed and checks his face. He is asleep. He looks exhausted but he is here and alive and Killer could cry!

Ccino hums sleepily as his sockets open just a bit and they are staring at one another. Killer holds his breath as Ccino looks confused at him “Killer?” he sounds so tired.

Killer feels any hesitation melt away when Ccino just looks at him. There is not a smitch of hate on his face. Just soft confusion. Killer smiles as he carefully wraps his arms around the other “Hey… I am here…” He is here.

Ccino stares at him before a soft smile covers his face. It is beautiful. Ccino hums as he pushes close into his arms “Mmh… This is my favourite dream…”.

It takes a moment before Killer can focus on what he said over how adorable that sleepy voice is and how much Killer missed hearing it.

A dream?

Killer chuckles as he nuzzles him “A dream?”

Ccino hums again as he relaxes in his hold “Yeah… that is the only time you are here… when you are back…” his eyes are closed and he looks so relaxed “When you love me…”

Killer freezes as he pulls him closer “I do love you. I love you so much.”

Ccino however doesn’t seem to wake up more. Instead he just pushes himself fully against him as he smiles contently.

Fully believing this is nothing but a dream… and Killer can’t even blame him… Killer hardly ever made it obvious how much he loves him after all. It wasn’t even clear to Killer for a long time…

Killer is a selfish person. He has known that for a long time now. But as he holds Ccino, someone so beautiful both inside and outside. Someone so caring and too good for this world. Someone Killer does not deserve to have look at him. Killer realises it once again.

Ccino rarely asked for things. And then one time he actually asked for something? It had been to be free with Killer. And when Killer didn’t want to give that to him, when Killer denied it even after offering it? Because he had been scared of his own reaction, his own impulsive decision to offer the idea of running away to Ccino. Killer had later on be relieved that Ccino hadn’t agreed. As it has been an impulsive action and offer. Killer didn’t even have an idea on how to help Ccino escape… Only for Ccino to later say he did want to do it. Risk it all. Die after only a month or two? It they were lucky? Hearing that caused panic in tow different ways; one, it brought back to shock and fear of how his own feelings and emotions had changed; but two, the fear of waking up one day knowing that Ccino was gone.

He denied Ccino’s one wish to escape. He denied Ccino his own choice to escape and be free. To do with his life what he wanted. Killer still can’t believe he did that… That Ccino didn’t hate him for it afterwards…

Then, as if that wasn’t the worst, the second thing Ccino ever asked for anything. It was simply for Killer to stay with him as he had been scared. Killer had choosing his own freedom over Ccino’s needs. Ccino had understood. Never blamed him. But Killer is scum.

Two things. That is all Ccino ever asked of him. Just two things. And he did neither.

Killer pulls Ccino close. Ccino isn’t even fully awake. Fully believing that Killer is just a dream his tired and desperate mind called up. Killer still whispers promises to him. That Killer will stay this time. That he isn’t going anywhere. He will actually be there when Ccino wakes up.

Killer does not deserve any of the love Ccino offers him. But at least he can start trying to be worthy of it.

It is even worse to see that glass rose right there. On the nightstand. Nearby and still looking pristine. Ccino kept it. After everything… with all the trauma and fear and hurt he was forced through again, by Killer as well, he still kept it.

Killer softly kisses the top of the skull before frowning. Wait… does Ccino even still want him to do this? Is he allowed? He doesn’t… he shouldn’t do this until he gets the okay. It is unfair to just take. But that is what Killer does isn’t it? Just take and take and take…

Not this time.

Killer had already made too many mistakes when it came to them and their situationship. Killer wants to kiss his face all over but stops himself as he mutters instead “It is okay… I am not leaving you this time.” He had spent quite a while thinking. Realising his mistakes and how he had just…

It hadn’t started with feelings. Don’t get him wrong, he had been attracted to Ccino from the start and how could you not?! The problem was. It had started as a game. Try to break into the palace of the god-king. The person who had been worshipped by the people where he grew up. The people who told him he was nothing. It was to prove he was better, he could sneak right into the heart of her castle and be fine.

So breaking and entering had been a game between jobs with Ink. It was to feel good about his skills. The fact he managed to find Ccino? Had just been nice. It has been fun to hang out with him and laugh.

It had been another win for him. Being this close to one of Nim’s dear special harem mates. And Ccino was great! Ccino was nice and sweet and always so interested in the stories he told him.

He had seen it as him winning when Ccino didn’t reject him. When they had spent the night together…

It wasn’t until… Until Killer learned that Ccino very much did not like Nim at all. That he was forced to be with her and how much it bothered him.

And he just treated their sex as something fun on the side. He had treated their whole thing as something casual that meant nothing!

He is an asshole.

Killer nuzzles the skull as he mutters “I swear I will be better now. I promise you… I promise I love you. I really do… It just took me a while.” Because he is an idiot. Because he was blind and scared for what he felt. That he couldn’t see how much he loved him.

Killer knew Ccino loved him. Pretty quickly after spending more time together with him to offer some support. To have Ccino lean against him and be honest about how he was feeling and how tough it was. It made him feel special. That show of trust showed Killer exactly how Ccino felt about him. Killer at least had cared enough to not break his heart while he was being vulnerable. At least Killer managed to offer support even if, at the time, he had thought he didn’t love Ccino.

Shows again how much of an idiot Killer had been. Killer had loved the other for a long time. It just wasn’t until he was send away, a very reasonable request after Killer once again denied him his freedom, that it started to hurt.

Killer had felt like he was going insane. Ccino was all he could think about. Other options and ideas kept popping into his mind to save him. Or things he should have said or offered instead. Hell! Even Ink noticed!

So here he is now. Back right in the lion’s nest so to speak. For the first time in months feeling completely happy and content as he holds the other. As if things are finally making sense again.

He lays his head on top of Ccino’s. Feelings of being content spreading through his soul and body as he relaxed. It feels good to be by his side again. Killer whispers again “I promise you I won’t fail you again. This time I will be by your side and help you.” He already wasted so much time with being a coward. With being an asshole. Not anymore. Not now.

He gets to enjoy this peace for a little while. Just listening as he holds his… well not partner or boyfriend. Killer doesn’t know everything about relationships but he knows enough to figure out that Killer rejecting Ccino’s two wishes to remain together and Ccino sending him away probably equals that they euh… Can you break up from a relationship that isn’t officially a relationship?

It doesn’t matter. Even if Ccino doesn’t even want to look at him anymore. That is okay. Killer is going to do things right this time. To support him and be there for him. For as long as Ccino lets him and when he is gone…

Well… That will be time for Killer to have to deal with what he did. Remember all their times together and regret not having done things right sooner. Regret all the time he wasted.

But that is for later. He now has to focus on the other. For once not put someone else’s emotions, wants and needs first.

Footsteps…

Slowly coming closer.

Killer opens one of his sockets as he glances at the door. It won’t take long before whoever is coming closer will be here. Killer smiles softly at Ccino and whispers to him as he puts their skulls together “Don’t worry okay? I am going to do things right. I am not leaving you.” Let Nim come. Killer has a surprise for her. A tri-dagger. It took Killer a while to get one but these are supposed to leave very lethal wounds.

He plans to not just make one either.

The door opens and Killer remains still. His dark sockets making him look to part of being out cold. Let them come close and strike- that isn’t Nim.

Instead there stands a guard. Who stares at him before they speak furiously “What the fuck are you doing?!”

A few things happen at once. Killer is up on the headboard instantly, perched easily as he takes out his special knife. Damn, he had hoped for no witnesses as that always messes things up.

The guard has their own weapon drawn and out. Aimed right at the bed, and Killer specifically. But Killer doesn’t care about that. How fucking dare that asshole aim that thing anywhere near Ccino?!

Ccino looks around confused and he looks actually awake now. He glances around before Killer sees him focus on him “Killer?”

The guard sputters “That is Killer?!” then the guard quickly closes the door before glaring at Killer “If it isn’t the useless ex.”

Ccino flinches and Killer glares but he stashes the knife. Ccino isn’t even looking at him anymore thanks to that asshole.

Killer huffs “And you are the asshole who wakes up an obviously tired pregnant guy. Way to be considered.”

Ccino isn’t looking at either for them as he toys with the blanket. The guard nears them and Killer is glaring.

Worse is when the guard helps Ccino fully up right and makes sure the blanket is still around him. Killer hates this guard. He hates them so much.

The guard huffs as they stare at him after they are done moving Ccino around “What are you even doing here? I thought you ran with your tail between your legs when you were asked for the tiniest bit of commitment.”

Ccino glares at the guard “Rogers.” he hisses.

Killer is trying to slow his breathing. Ccino… Ccino wouldn’t have said that. At least never with those words. Their own conclusion maybe? Killer sees Ccino glance at him before looking away immediately.

Rogers looks unapologetic “What? It is the truth.” He glares back at Killer.

Killer glares right back “It is none of your concern.” He carefully sits back down on the bed. He wants to pull Ccino into another embrace. He used to do that all the time but is he allowed to do that still? He was never this conscious about his moves before right? Why does it feel like he isn’t allowed to do any of it anymore?

Right… because he left…

The guard, Rogers apparently, glares at him “None of that. Away from Ccino and the bed.” He nods towards the side “I think we all here know you can not be trusted.”

Ccino shoots Rogers a look as Killer glares at the guard. This fucking asshole.

Ccino mutters “It is fine… If he wants to sit there it is fine…” Killer can’t help but puffs up his chest a little at that. Take that asshole! Killer is allowed!

Rogers frowns at Ccino “Is that something you want? Or is it something you are saying because he wants it?”

Killer feels his soul freeze at that as he glances at Ccino. It is because Ccino wants it right?

Ccino doesn’t look up as he just messes with his blankets.

Right?

Killer goes to reach towards Ccino but Ccino tenses.

No… please no…

Killer isn’t sure what to do. He doesn’t know what to say to make this right. Please. Please he is so sorry.

A hand grabs his shoulder and Killer yelps as he is pulled off the bed. Killer glares at Rogers as Ccino stares at him “Rogers?”

Rogers grins at Ccino “I am just going to talk with him. It is okay. This is stressing you and your twins out.”

Ccino frowns but doesn’t go against it. Rogers mentions that some Robin will come bring him food later and that Ccino still has some time to relax. Then Rogers drags him outside of the room.

They are left standing in a brightly lit hall. Rogers sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose as he closes his eyes. He mutters about things getting even more complicated.

Killer glares “What the fuck do you want?”

Rogers stops and stares at him “Seriously? You think that is what this is about? And not about the fact that you are toying with one of my friend’s feelings just so you can get your adrenaline kick in?”

Killer glances to the side and hisses through his teeth “It isn’t like that.” Not now. Maybe before but not anymore. This isn’t about… Well it is sort of still about what he feels and wants but it isn’t about having fun or something stupid! It is about Killer wanting to do what is right. To actually be there for someone who only ever loved him.

Rogers rubs his temper as he clearly thinks “Listen. If I had it may way? I would either give you to the other guards to deal with after mentioning you were trying to break into Ccino’s room. Kick you out of a window, or finish you myself. But I can’t.”

Killer snorts as he crosses his arms “You know you would lose I assume?” He feels smug.

Rogers looks at him as if he is an idiot “Because Ccino for some stupid reason still loves you and quite honestly I don’t want to hurt him by hurting you.”

Killer’s smile falls from his face.

Rogers sighs again as he glares down the hall. Clearly thinking for a moment before looking at him “Why are you here?”

Killer crosses his arms as he looks to the side. Feeling too exposed as he keeps glancing around the hall “It is none of your business.”

Rogers looks unimpressed “If it is about Ccino that automatically makes it my business.”

Killer glares back at Rogers “And why do you think that?! He isn’t yours!” He was barely Killer’s. And how badly Killer had wanted that to have been the case. He can accept that he doesn’t deserve Ccino or his love or to call him his. But he is not going to accept some random guy saying Ccino is his! Killer refuses to accept that! If Ccino is going to be anyone’s Ccino is going to be… well… Ccino’s!

Rogers glares right back “Because I am his friend. And unlike you Robina dn I actually give  ashit about how he feels and try to help him.”

Killer glares “You don’t fucking know how I feel. Stop acting as if you do.”

“You left him once before. And I quite honestly don’t know if he can pull himself together if you do it again.”

Killer stops when he hears that. Rogers doesn’t even look smug about making him quiet. Rogers just looks tired. Rogers stares at him “At this point there are only two options as any other option would hurt him. Either you go now. Say you just wanted a chance to clear stuff up and say goodbye. You actually end this whole thing fully and reasonable. Or, if you decide to stay. You stay. You stay with him and help him until the end.” Rogers sighs as he rubs his face “God knows he deserves to have something he wants for once.”

Killer feels himself grow angry again “I wasn’t going to leave. I came back for a fucking reason you asshole. And it has nothing to do with what you said. I wanted to be with him.”

Rogers raises an eyebrow as he looks so unimpressed “Really? And what about your past track record would have been a clue for that option?”

Killer glares as he huffs “I am going to go back to Ccino now as this is a waste of precious time.” So precious. He already wasted so much. He can’t waste even more on some wannebe guard. He walks towards the door and Rogers stops him again.

Rogers speaks softly “He has gone through a lot. Just… Don’t add more stress to him.” He lets go and goes to stand by the wall across from the door. Seemingly to do his guard duty.

Killer enters the room again and sees Ccino look up and the anxious face transforms into surprise “Killer? You are… still here?” The surprise. The disbelieve.

Killer rushes to his side and slowly climbs back on the bed and very slowly reaches over. Ccino is still as Killer wraps his arms around him. Holding him close before frowning. He feels cold… Killer grabs the blanket and tugs it closer around Ccino “Fuck you are freezing… do you want to take a bath? Warm up a bit?” or are there clothes around? Maybe a nice warm sweater would be nice. He still feels so thin. Aren’t these guys feeding him still? Killer should have grabbed food along the way. Something for Ccino to enjoy, and maybe as a peace offering.

Ccino just stares at him “Why are you here?”

Killer gives an uncertain smile, he kicks down the instinct to look away, to not have to see Ccino look at him. Instead he answers “Honestly… I missed you.”

Ccino gets a small smile before it falls, it is gone before it was even fully there. He looks down and mutters “I don’t… I didn’t… I thought…” He frowns and stops.

Killer leans against him as he tries to share his own body heat with him. Killer wishes he hadn’t been a skeleton monster. Skeleton monsters have terrible heat preservation in their bodies. Killer just hums as he rubs his arms to try and get some heat into him. Even if Killer doesn’t interrupt it seems the Ccino still ends up not saying a lot. Instead he just leans into the hold.

They sit silently for a moment before Killer snorts “Your friend? Rogers? He hates me.” He makes sure to grin and look amused.

Ccino winces “He doesn’t hate you.” he pauses before sighing “He just… doesn’t approve I think?”

Killer snorts as he hugs him “Nah. He approves anything that makes you happy. He just hates my guts.” Which he deserves. “Which is fine btw. I am not scared of a guy glaring. Just…” He shoots Ccino a look “He never like.. tried anything right?” Because if he did they would have issues.

Ccino frowns before looking highly amused “Rogers? Try anything? Nah. I am pretty sure he isn’t into that whole thing. He cares about Robin and me but we are friends. I think Rogers has zero interest in either relationships or sex. I think he is going to end up marrying his job if he has any choice…” Ccino looks thoughtful “Same for Robin honestly.”

It calms Killer as he snorts “You know what? Fair enough.” He leans his skull against Ccino and waits for a moment “Is this okay? I know… I know I was a jerk… and asshole… I shouldn’t have left. I am sorry I abandoned you and… It is totally okay if you don’t want me to hug you anymore.” It is okay. Just… open communication. He can say if he is uncomfortable and Killer will respect the boundaries he sets. Easy!

Ccino glances at him. He looks confused “I… don’t think you were being a jerk? And this is fine. Really. It is nice… It is nice to have someone near.” He has a small smile on his face.

Killer however is stuck on the first thing he mentioned. “How can you…” Not hate me. Not be disgusted with me “Say I was not rude? I abandoned you.”

Ccino frowns at him. Still some confusion on his face “But… you didn’t?” He must see something on Killer’s face as his confusion becomes a gentle smile. He raises a hand and rubs Killer’s cheek and Killer leans into the hand “Hey… Just because we had different expectations doesn’t mean you abandoned me… You were not responsible for my wellbeing Killer. I never saw you as responsible for that. It would have been unfair to place such expectations on you.” He smiles at him.

Killer frowns “But… you wanted me to stay. And I just left.” The hurt on his face. The sad expression is burned into Killer’s memory.

Ccino just keeps smiling sadly “It is true… I wanted you to stay… But that is just it Killer. It is what I wanted. And you didn’t want it. It would have been unfair of me to expect something of you that you didn’t want. To expect you to be miserable for my comfort.” Ccino smiles at him “I never meant for you to feel responsible for me Killer. If… if you want to leave. That is okay.” he smiles.

Killer can see it. Ccino means it. There is not a smidge of doubt on his face.

Killer holds him close. Feels the other against him as he mutters “I want to stay. With you specifically. It can be anywhere as long as I am with you. I had needed time, I think, to see that. To understand that.”

Ccino hums as he leans into his hold. His own arms still shielding his sternum. Where his soul lies, where his soullings lie. “I get it. A lot happened in a very short time. It was overwhelming you.” and he gives another smile.

What did Killer do to get him to love him? Honestly what was it? Killer doesn’t know. He tries it again “I just… it feels…” he takes a deep breath “It felt like such an asshole thing. It wasn’t a big deal… I could have stayed to give you comfort and support… and I just ran away. Scared for my own comfort.”

Ccino just keeps looking at him gently “I will just be repeating myself but… it is true. I know before I even asked it that it would be unfair to ask of you to stay. To ask you to give up something you loved.” Ccino looks amused “I am not an idiot Killer. I know you loved traveling. And I am aware of that what you do isn’t exactly legal.” Killer feels sheepish and it must show as Ccino just looks more amused “I knew it means the world to you.” he lays his hand on Killer’s hand “It is also part of why I asked you to not return, when you didn’t want to stay. I knew it would be more dangerous and just unsafe for you to remain. I knew security would be higher with the heirs on their way. I will admit it was partly to help me…” Ccino laughs as he rubs his cheek. His smile turning sadder as he speaks “It isn’t your fault that I got more emotionally invested into something that was just supposed to be fun.” He looks sad by the admission.

Killer hugs him closer to him. feel the curve of the other’s spine against his front “I love you.”

Ccino sighs “You don’t need to lie Killer. I know that Rogers… he probably told you to be nice because… well…” he chuckles “The twins will eventually cause my soul to burst.” He leans more against him “But I don’t want you to lie. I don’t want you to say or do stuff you don’t feel comfortable and happy with. Stuff you don’t want.” He smiles up at Killer “I am tougher than I look. I won’t break that easily.”

Killer puts his skull against Ccino’s “Ccino.” It feels so good to be close to him again “I came back because I wanted to be near you. Because I missed you and wanted a chance to make up for abandoning you.” He stares at him “I really do love you.”

He can see that Ccino hears him.

He can also see that Ccino doesn’t believe him.

Ccino sighs but leans into his arms as he just rests.

Killer frowns but holds him. It is to be expected. Killer hasn’t exactly acted like someone in love should. Killer will need to show he does love him. That he truly cares. That he isn’t just some past time or amusement.

They sit in silence and Killer hums “We will need to think of something about keeping me out of sight of Nim.” Maybe he can still join the guard? Or steal armour to look the part? That way he can blend in.

Ccino blinks and looks confused at Killer “Rogers didn’t tell you?”

Killer tilts his skull “Tell me what? And aside from telling me I was an asshole in many ways he didn’t say much.” No need to stress Ccino out about what the fact that Rogers threatened to end Killer. Not in that many words of course but it was implied!

Ccino rubs his cheek as he looks to the side. He looks… Awkward? “We don’t really need to worry about her anymore…”

Killer feels hope blossom in his soul “Did she finally lose her weird obsession with you? That is amazing news!” Ccino gets to relax and focus on himself! Maybe they can sneak in more food for him.

Ccino laughs as he looks downright sheepish “She… euh… Is dead.”

Killer blinks. He is happy of course. Fuck yeah that fucking freak and pedophile of a monster is finally gone! But… why does Ccino not look happy? And…wait…

Killer frowns “I thought the whole deal was that she could only like die by passing the magic stuff along? And well…” he looks pointedly at the sternum Ccino is still covering “I don’t think they can get magic when they are still soullings right?”

Ccino rubs his cheek “I mean… She didn’t… she was murdered?” He grins sheepish “I… may have indirectly caused her dead?” and he waits.

Killer knows he is staring.

By the stars Killer loves this monster.

--

Ccino told him what he knew after that.

Killer listened to the whole thing and stares in wonder up at the plants hanging above the bed now.

Now that he thinks about it. The last time he was in this room it was much more stone and marble. Everything felt cold and was a more greyish colour. Now the floors were a warm brown and clear wooden planks. The walls are a lighter brown and the branch like texture is clearer than ever and Killer thinks there are even some new tiny twigs growing. The bed is beautiful now as the posts are covered in light green vines and the top of the bed has an almost net of leaves with bright coloured flowers.

Ccino glances at him and rubs his hands “I know it must sound insane.” He looks sad.

Killer shakes his skull “No! I mean. It sounds strange but this country has been ruled by a family that did a shifty magic ritual to pass along a god magic type of deal that enables them to life anywhere between 500 and a 1000 years. To hear that this magic rebelled? It is not the strangest thing.” And more importantly “And I think… I may have kinda met it?”

Ccino stares at him in shock “What?!”

Killer holds up his hands “I didn’t know?! I just… The first time I snuck in? It was coincidence. I took a wrong turn.” He still remembers seeing Ccino. All dressed up and pretty. Light make up to highlight some of his features and clothes so bare that Killer hadn’t known where to look and afraid to move. Then Ccino had been sassy and humorous as he send him on his way? Killer is pretty sure he fell a little bit right then and there, and no he isn’t talking about his small trip out of the window, how he didn’t realise until later is beyond him.

The thing is. After that?

“It was the visits after. When I would try to sneak in to get to you.” it had been to prove that he was better, smarter? Than Nim. Getting to hang out with Ccino was the greatest bonus to that ever. “The thing is. I never knew beforehand where you were? I would be sneaking around and notice like… plants? Easy to climb vines. Small flowers that had bright colour to grab my attention?” It had been guiding him. Right to Ccino.

He grins at Ccino “It must have been trying to help us. A little?”

Ccino looks shocked as he looks down. His hand raised near his sternum. Killer thinks it is cute to see. The way that he seems to automatically seems to guard his soullings. Killer hums as he holds the other close.

Ccino is frowning “Maybe… I still don’t… understand why it made them sick… Why it made Nightmare and Dream sick.” He leans into his embrace.

Killer hums and shrugs “I don’t know… but maybe It had reasons that we just didn’t know. Seeing as It moved to defend you? Protected you and referred to the twins as yours? I think It may have had plans that we don’t understand.” Killer shrugs “Maybe It was trying to remove any of Nim’s magic and influence?” it is a guess.

Ccino gains a small smile “Maybe… it is strange… I just keep wondering if I did something to anger It. That I did something to make It mad and make It hurt the twins. That it was my fault in some way that they died.”

Killer holds him close “Hey.” Ccino flinches and Killer has none of it “No please Ccino look at me.” Ccino glances up. There is just guilt and grieve on his face. “Ccino. You did nothing but love those two. You did nothing but do your best to love them and make sure they were okay. You were not the one who failed them. You did what you could. It must have seen that too, It must have been aware of that.”

Ccino just looks sadder “Then why did I have to lose them? It hurts so much. I still miss them so much.” He sobs and laughs softly “I almost… I almost want to believe her. That she kept their souls and planted them in mine specifically. It feels like… It feels like I am fixing my past mistakes. That I can at least give them a chance at life as I failed and.” He sobs.

Killer holds him close. Just lets him cry. Killer doesn’t understand what Ccino is saying and implying but with how Nim is? How insane she was? Killer wouldn’t be surprised if she told him some wild story to make Ccino more complacent and willing. Killer will ask him later. For now? For now he will just hold him.

In the end Ccino just lays against him. Hiding his face in Killer’s shoulder. Breathing calming slowly as he seems to calm down. Killer just rubs his back. Some tiny part happy that Ccino trusts him enough to use him as support, and as shield for his soullings. It feels good. To be there for him. To actually help in some tiny way.

Ccino pulls away and chuckles as he wipes his face “Sorry for that… I know crying isn’t really… shouldn’t happen…”

Killer frowns “Why not?” he snorts as he motions towards the ever present tar like tears on his face “I literally do it all the time.”

Ccino looks slightly panicked “Oh no I didn’t! I didn’t mean for you! It is just… a thing.” He rubs his neck “Everyone, well not everyone but you get it, always told me to not cry. Something about it leaving marks and like stuff near the sockets? That it would make me less pretty and well Nim deserved the best.”

Killer groans “Fucking assholes all of them. Crying is good for you! It helps like soul and emotion stuff! If you keep it all bottled up it just hurts.” he swears if he hears anyone make a comment like that he is stabbing them.

Ccino looks a bit more unsure “Sorry… I just…”

Killer shakes his skull “Not against you Ccino.” He holds his hand “You did nothing wrong. I swear.” Ccino looks a tiny bit calmer.

Then the door opens.

A human woman walks in. She does not look impressed “No sex with the pregnant and weakened monster.” She walks over.

Ccino sputters and looks embarrassed “Robin! We weren’t!” he shoots Killer a look before just blushing more.

Robin hums as she walks over, she is carrying trays of food, “Don’t worry. Rogers gave me the run down.” She shoots Killer a look “Pleasure to meet the guy that Ccino used to sneak out of parties for. I hope you like fruit and dough as stuff like that is what is on the menu.”

Killer frowns “Not that I mind… but I thought meat as an export.”

Both Ccino and Robin look pained. Ccino is the one that answers “No… euh… So… Ever since Nim was gone and I have been like…” he searches for the words “Pretty much in an even worse lock down as I got the next generation of god-kings in me? The priest has spoken with me a lot. And well, I pretty much said I only really trust Rogers and Robin?”

Robin nods “Priest put us two in charge of making sure that Ccino is okay.” she looks deeply annoyed “Well the priest said specifically the heirs. But you get the jest.”

Killer frowns as he looks from one to the other “What was that to do with the meat situation?”

Robin sighs “Well, I got a list from the medics and healers about what is good for pregnant monsters and stuff.” She looks annoyed “As if I don’t know. Either way. I saw that meat was one of the things on the list so I went to the storage and decided to investigate what was around.” She shrugs at his questioning look “I was reading into which meat was best and healthiest for him. I wanted to see what was available and if I had to ration anything out…”

“That is how I found out our meat was imported from Whispering.”

Killer stares before he stares horrified “Holy shit… human meat?!”

Robin nods “Indeed!! Which… yeah. No.” Ccino nods in agreement as he looks slightly sick. “We have been going with vegetarian meals for Ccino now but that means a lot of different ingredients and stuff.”

Killer nods because holy shit. That is a lot. He never actually taste human meat, not even when he and Ink had a mission in Whispering.

Robin grins “Either way!” she puts down the bowls with oatmeal with all kinds of fruits. She sets down a plate with tiny rolls of cake like bread with a spread in the middle. She points at the oatmeal “Oatmeal with banana, strawberry and blueberries.” She points to the cakelike roll “Vanila sweet break roll.” She looks begging at Ccino “Just eat what you can. Put everything else aside for later okay?” she smiles as she gets up. Ccino says his thanks before she leaves them to eat.

Killer frowns “Does she always leave after giving food?”

Ccino looks embarrassed “No. Usually she eats with me… but well… you are here and… I guess she is giving us time to catch up.” He is blushing and looking away and to the side.

Killer feels his soul wiggle and flutter as Ccino looks so shy. To distract both of them he grabs a bowl and holds it up to Ccino as peace offering.

Ccino luckily takes it and starts to eat. He makes sure to eat the fruit first and Killer joins him. Makes sure the other doesn’t feel weird about eating alone and he tries to match Ccino. He eats a lot slower than Killer but he doesn’t mind.

Ccino actually starts to look a bit better as he seems to sigh happily with each bite. Clearly enjoying the food.

He pauses when the bowl isn’t completely empty as he shudders.

It is terrifying. To see the way that his cheeks seem to grow a little thinner. To see him start to shake as the heat in his body seems to leave him. Killer is quick to wrap the blanket back around him and puts his own jacket around him as well.

Killer looks anxiously at him. Ccino however is calm as he smiles. He has dark exhausted marks under his sockets now “The two little soullings need to eat… It isn’t exactly as if we are made to support two souls… It is hard to… have the nutrients and energy for both of them.” he waves around “It is why I stay here… I usually sleep a lot. Only waking to take a bath and to eat four times a day.” He laughs as he rubs his cheek.

Killer frowns “It was never this bad… before…” he thinks at least. He never saw the full thing.

Ccino shrugs “I used to get magic injections. It felt terrible and I hated them but. Well. It was much easier to keep up with the demand for magic that way even if I still didn’t eat. I prefer food though, even if I am almost always tired and don’t have any mana or magic or energy left for anything but the soullings.” He leans against him as he shudders.

Killer nods as he files that away to keep an eye on “Need to aly down and rest?”

Ccino shakes his skull as “No. I just. Need a moment to let them absorb magic. Then I should be able to eat a bit more… and well… I enjoy talking to you.” he smiles at him.

Killer chuckles as he nuzzles the skull by his own “I am not going anywhere Ccino. I swear.”

Ccino laughs as he nods and relaxes.

Killer hums as he thinks for a while before speaking “You know. I just thought of something?”

Ccino hums questioning.

Killer grins a little bit to himself “All I am saying is… Who says that Nim is the other parent you know?”

Ccino blinks at him confused “It are twins Killer.”

Killer nods “I know I know but. Hear me out. I am just saying. Everyone thought Nim is the other parent because everyone thought she was the only one you were intime with.” Which she truly had no right to “Maybe… Well… we were intime. And we are both skeletons and much more compatible. For all we know… Nim’s magic may have caused you to be able to carry and get twins… but maybe the twins weren’t made by her.”

Ccino frowns as he stares ahead.

Killer rubs his neck “I just… I thought… Maybe… if it aren’t your original twins… it is easier to think about them as twins that Nim had no influence over. That they were made from a night of” Love “consent and mutual fun.” He smiles.

Ccino stares at him and Killer suddenly gets another thought. What if it seems like Killer is trying to get a claim!?

“Obviously!! You are the parent! The real parent and like lawful parent! I mean!” Killer laughs nervously “We aren’t even married so they would  just be seen as your anyway and I would just be the babydaddy haha” even as he laughs his own sentence brings an image to mind he hadn’t thought about before. Ccino in wedding attire, would it be a dress? A suit? Maybe a curious combination?

Or maybe it would be one of the many other wedding rituals Killer knows of. Here you give the one you wish to marry a special wedding mask, either masterfully crafted or made by your own hands. Special markings to show the importance.

Other countries give rings and hold a party. To share a bond and celebrate it with those closest to the wedding pair.

Some other countries spend a few days tied to one another. To show they are connected and learn to truly work together. They end up wearing bracelets to signal this shared experience.

Ccino laughs softly, unaware of the absolute mess that Killer is now, he leans against Killer “It… is a nice thought… that Nim didn’t…” he sighs as he leans against Killer “But somewhere I also hope it really are Dream and Nightmare…”

Killer nuzzles him as sighs “That is okay. We will just have both options as the truth. If it truly are their souls in there it is them. If it turns out it aren’t them they are made of us instead.” He grins at Ccino “I just know they are going to be the most loved little babybones ever.”

Ccino stares in shock “Killer… I… If I am lucky I will get to meet them but that is it…”

It hurts to think. Killer focusses on the smile “You love them now… I think that counts.”

Ccino blinks before giving him a bright smile as he leans against him.

--

The whole day had been stressful.

The last month? Killer thinks it went by too fast. There isn’t enough time in the day to enjoy the time he gets to spend with Ccino. There isn’t enough time at night to hold the other close in a cuddle. There just. Wasn’t enough time.

And then his soul cracked. Ccino had been shaking silently and crying in pain. Not giving a kick even as the soullings broke his soul from the inside out. Too large.

It had been a miracle already. That it took so long before it happened. That Ccino’s soul had managed.

Something about the soullings having been very calm. Not pushing or pulsing within Ccino’s soul. Even if it meant that there was too little space and the two were stretching his soul the no movement kept things stable.

Doesn’t make this any better. Doesn’t make it better that he is this hurt now.

Killer had just held him. Held him close as the soulling separated completely.

And then the soullings just… left his body. Two bright little stars. Shining in the dark and quiet room.

Their bodies having been shaped with twin flashes or bright yellow and purple magic.

Leaving two tiny babybones behind.

Killer holds Ccino close as he shakes and shivers in his hold. Killer however is still in slight aw at the two babybones that Robin is slowly cleaning. He hadn’t thought… It was insane… The light the magic… shit…

Killer grins at Ccino ready to congratulate him when he realises that Ccino stopped shaking… stopped… breathing.

Killer feels everything go still “Ccino?” no response. Killer holds him closer and rubs his arm “Ccino… Ccino come on… please respond…” He… he knows what everyone said… that a monster soul can’t handle having two soullings at the same time… but it is Ccino! And he said these where his twins!

He lays completely limp against him. No movement at all.

Killer holds him close “Come on Ccino this isn’t funny…” please… please don’t do this… please don’t…

Killer glances down and he stops breathing. Small silvery dust slowly falling off of Ccino’s hand… his face is blank and peaceful.

Killer shakes “No… no no no no… Ccino please!” don’t… don’t leave him. He holds him close as he searches for any kind of sign of life. Anything at all.

There is none.

Killer shakes his skull as he mutters “come on… You need to still meet them. You wanted to see them so badly. Come on you need to be awake for that. You need to be aware for that.” Please. Please just one more moment. Just one more minute.

A loud inhale and Killer unwillingly looks away from Ccino only to stare. Large vines are slowly creeping towards where Robin and Rogers are holding the two tiny twins. From the ceiling they are falling.

No… No…

Killer looks around and spots some slowly creeping close to Ccino. The vines swipe the dust up and seem to absorb it?!

Killer holds Ccino closer and growls at whatever is there “No! No you don’t just get to… No!”

A moment of silence before Killer feels it. Emotions not his own. Silent insistence. A quiet demand. Almost like a parent. Telling you to put something down or give something back.

Killer shakes his skull again “He isn’t yours! You don’t just get to claim him.” it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair it isn’t fair!

The silent presence grows annoyed. Before a slight anger. Killer shudders under it as he holds Ccino. He isn’t letting him go. He isn’t giving this thing Ccino. Killer feels himself growl “No. You don’t get to act as if you have any right to him! You let him go through hell. You allowed that. You don’t get to act as if you have the best in mind for him now.”

Killer would hate to lose Ccino. He would hate more for Ccino to once again be claimed by something god like. To once again be trapped. He doesn’t deserve that.

Killer will grief for the rest of his life. But he is not letting Ccino go from one cage to the next. He isn’t going to let whatever it is take him and his twins.

Silence. Nudges at his mind and Killer shakes as flashes before his mind. Ccino for a moment. Smiling and happy. Another of him sad and alone. Then pictures of older people. Or people going from pretty to ugly. A silent demand.

Killer frowns as he looks around confused “What are you implying? That Ccino will grow older?! That is the whole fucking point! Him living! Him getting to actually be with his twins?! After everything?” He told them before. He isn’t leaving. He is going to stay with Ccino until Ccino wants him gone. And even then Killer will make sure to check in, from a distance of course. He won’t interfere in his life but he will make sure he is okay.

Silence again.

Then he sees the vines retreat from where Robin is holding both the twins close. Protecting them. Killer looks down and stares at lines of yellowish green magic slowly near Ccino.

He stares at the dusted hand is put back together dust particle by dust particle. Killer can see the shining outline of Ccino’s soul. The one that is broken into shards slowly melt back into one whole soul.

Ccino shudders and gasps as he looks around confused.

Killer holds his face “Ccino? Ccino please tell me it is you…?”

Ccino looks confused “Kill…Kills?” he shakes and looks around panicked “Where… where are…” he looks so scared.

Robin is quicker as she sits next to him and whispers “Look. They are both here.” She hands both of them to Ccino.

Ccino stares and laughs “It… it is them… it is really them… Nighty… Little Dream… They are both…” he sobs as he leans against Killer.

Killer just holds them. His soul still shaking as he glances around. Seeing that more flowers had grown.

Killer laughs as he hugs Ccino close. He feels his own normal tears mix with the tar normally leaking. He is so happy… He… he did at least something… He truly actually helped.

Maybe It had always been planning this. Maybe It was testing them. Maybe Killer managed to change It’s mind. Or maybe It just felt like doing this in the moment.

It doesn’t matter. Ccino is alive. Ccino is okay. That is all that matters.

Ccino looks happily at him as he raises the twins, he nudges one with purple eyes with a very tiny yellow center “This is Nightmare.” He raises the other, yellow eyes with a tiny purple center but with yellow freckles “This is Dream.”

Killer grins and gentle shakes both the twins hands “Well hello there. I hope I am making a good first impression.” Ccino giggles and leans at him.

It is okay.

--

Rogers and Killer lean against the wall together as Robin and Ccino are washing the twins. The introduction of the twins had gone well even if everyone had been shocked to see Ccino alive.

It is why Killer is confused that Rogers pulled him aside.

Rogers glances around the halls “The original plan had been to say Ccino and the twins all died.”

Killer blinks and looks over.

Rogers doesn’t look at him “Robin and I knew that Ccino wouldn’t survive. The two of us made a plan. I would guard as today and Robin would be with Ccino to help. Then, after Ccino got to hold his twins and after he became dust… well… we would just lie. We would just say that Ccino and the twins all died at the same time. That the twins would have been to weak to exit his soul. As I reported what I saw Robin would be getting the twins out with the growing confusion. I would meet up with her and the twins later.”

Killer is in shock.

Rogers shrugs “We figured… As soon as those people got their hands on the twins? There is no way they would have been allowed to just be kids. And that is all that Ccino wanted… we were planning on just taking them away from this all. To get them somewhere where they could just be kids.” He sighs.

Killer frowns “But… Ccino is still here. He will make sure they can be kids right?”

Rogers glances to him and Killer feels afraid. That is not a good look.

Rogers sighs “The priest figured that… With Nim gone… there isn’t a real way to get them the magic or something… and well. He is saying it as a sign that Ccino survived…” Rogers frowns as he looks to the side “Blood magic and sacrifice magic is the priest most skilled in.”

Killer feels his breathing speed up. He has seen these type of rituals and knows they are not limited to small animals.

Killer focusses on Rogers “What is the plan?”

Rogers rubs his head “That is the problem. There are too many guards. Too many people who can get something out of this and are sticking around. We had been planning to use the confusion to get out. There is no window now. There is no time.” He sighs.

Killer thinks before remembering someone he had heard of in passing in Whispering. “I may know someone. But I need to find him first.” He looks unsure “What do tell Ccino?”

Rogers nods “We can buy a bit more time as you look for this guy.” He glances at the door “I don’t… want to lie. But I don’t want to stress him out either. He is already anxious about taking care of the twins now.”

Killer frowns and nods “I will just tell him it is a job. I need to find Ink as well as he may know how to find this guy.”

Rogers sighs “I hope this works.”

“Me too.”

--

Robin pushes the basket into Killers hands before skipping over to Ccino. Ccino smiles at his best friend as Robin hugs him “I love you. Have a good trip. Make sure to rest and eat.”

Ccino snorts “We are just going to the meadow Robin.”

Robin hums “I know I know. I am just saying.” She looks him in the eye “Don’t worry about us. We got things handled. Enjoy.” She winks “We know where to find you if we need you.” she grins and bows to the priest and guards before walking away to do work.

Killer snorts “Is she always like this?”

Ccino nods “If she is in a good mood. She hadn’t been in such a good mood in a while though. I wonder why.” It isn’t a date as Robin just doesn’t do that. Maybe the cooks are making her favourite tonight?

Killer holds his hand as they walk towards where Rogers is waiting with the twins. He hands one of them to each other them. Killer coos as he nuzzles the tiny head “hello there Daydream. Being a little menace?” Dream babbles happily as he bites Killer’s fingers. Eyes large as he stares innocently at Killer as if he surely did not just bite Killer.

Killer nods “Ah yes. I don’t know where these random bites keep coming from. there is a mystery afoot.” Dream giggles.

Nightmare is still asleep. Little guy had a rough night with his teeth aching and is clearly tired.

The priest walks over “It was an amazing idea to go into the forest! To feel the power of the magic more closely to something connected to its source!”

Ccino nods. It hadn’t even been his idea. Rogers had offered that it would maybe be nice to have a day out. to have a picnic. Ccino had just spoken about how the magic was obviously related to something in nature and that maybe bringing himself and the twins to a spot with more nature would appease the magic more into interacting more with everyone. From there on it was easy to get people to agree.

Even if Ccino could do without the four guards following them. At least one of them was Rogers.

They get into the cart and Ccino switches twins with Killer. Killer leans back and lets Nightmare doze against him as Ccino bounces Dream as they look out of the window together. he can’t help but sneak looks at Killer.

Killer is so unbelievable good with the twins. And Ccino finds himself thinking more and more about what Killer offered as idea ages ago. How the twins could just be from them.

It is… almost easy to see them like that. Neither of them look at all like Nim. Nothing about them suggests they are Nim’s aside from them feeling warmer to the touch. But that is easy to blame on Ccino still recovering from the whole pregnancy and even getting them.

It is easy to act as if they are Killer’s.

They get to the edge of the forest and leave the carriage.

The walk through the forest is lovely. The weather had been turning colder lately but it is nice. New plants are growing and instead of the almost dried out plants everywhere it is a much softer green and everything smells amazing.

Ccino discovered that he loved the smell of rain. It had been a treat and he had sat with both his twins by the window just enjoying the sound and smell. It was so unlike anything he had experienced in a long time.

They get to the meadow and two guards make them wait as they enter it first. To search or something. Suddenly Killer is up in his business and Ccino snorts “Yes?”

Killer grins as he checks on Nightmare who is still asleep “That is good.” Then a hand covers both Dream’s eyes, who gives a surprised noise and moments later his own vision goes dark.

Ccino laughs “Killer I know the surprise already.”

The sound of choking and a moment later his view returns to him. There is dust next to Rogers on the ground as he cleans his sword.

Ccino’s mind pauses.

Killer looks sheepish “We agreed you had dealt with enough… seeing it would make it worse.”

Ccino blinks confused but then Killer tugs him past the last line of trees and… Two more dust piles on the ground. A short cloaked figure stands in the middle of the meadow. A glance shows skeletal hands.

Ccino glances at Killer.

Killer grins “This. Is Dust. He is going to help us get the fuck away from here.” He takes the bag from his shoulders as Rogers hands him another one as he goes over to this Dust person to talk apparently.

Ccino looks at Rogers “Rogers?!”

Rogers smiles “We didn’t want to stress you out.” He looks at him “You and the twins needs to leave this place. It took us a while to get the timing right but this is the quickest option we had.”

Ccino goes to ask but then he remembers Robin and her goodbye “You all knew?” he is shocked. Why hadn’t they told him?

Rogers nods “We did.” He gives him a quick hug “And don’t worry about us. Which is why we didn’t tell you to begin with. We knew you would worry about us and want us to go too. This is the best chance at success Ccino. Please just trust us that we knew what we are doing. Okay?” and he waits for a moment.

Ccino frowns as he looks at his best friend “I can’t just leave you two…”

Rogers gives him a hard look “You can and you will. You and Killer will go. Killer told us this guy can get you places and Killer’s friend can make you documents. You will go and be free. We will find you later. I promise.”

Ccino feels tears threaten to fall as he hugs his friend “You swear?”

“On my soul. Now go.” He nudges Ccino before he grabs his own blade and start to mess up his armour. He calls Killer over and gets Killer to slice him across the back. Rogers sees him look questioning and Rogers grins “Gotta make it believable. We got it. Go.” and he nudges Ccino over.

Killer takes his hand and leads him back to the third skeleton. Who had just been standing there silently the whole time. Ccino feels the need to tug both his twins closer but remains strong.

The shorted guy, Dust, looks over “Ccino. Correct?”

He says it with a bit of an accent but it is close enough. Ccino nods.

Dust nods “We need to walk. There is a cart.” He pauses and glances at the two babybones “They okay with that? We need silence?”

Ccino huffs as he tugs his twins closer and checks on Dream in Killer’s arms “Of course they are. They are both very well behaved.” Which is when Dream coos happily and tugs on the leather of the other.

Ccino is worried for a moment before seeing Dust snort “Brave little guy.” Then he just turns and waves them over to follow him.

The short walk is not short at all but closer to half an hour. Ccino is starting to feel drained and it isn’t until long and Killer is carrying both his twins for him. They get to a small path and sees a very small cart. It is one normally used for some cargo over short distances. Dust opens it up and puts their bags in it before going to the front to manage the horse pulling it. Killer climbs in first and makes sure both the twins are comfortable before helping Ccino up and in as well. He grabs a blanket from inside the cart and wraps it around him.

“Sleep. I will be here. I promise.”

Ccino nods as he leans against Killer. Feeling the cart shake slightly as it starts to move and be pulled.

They walk for a moment in silence as Killer mutters softly “He didn’t tell me exactly which path we were going to take but he has done this a lot before so I have no doubt that this will work.” He grins “Apparently he is very skilled in smuggling.”

Dust speaks from the outside “I smuggle everything well.”

Killer grins before shooting him a look “You know… You can give them any names you want. They are still young and we will be leaving this country soon. They will get new documents and from then on it will just be us…” Killer looks nervous “As long as you will have me of course.”

Ccino smiles as he leans against him “As if I would ever want you to leave.” But he gets thinking about the names. He does like the names Nightmare and Dream. But maybe something else as well?

Killer and him had been joking about what they would name the twins if they weren’t just two males…

He really liked the names Dawn and Dusk.

---

A cup of coffee is placed in front of him and Geno is pulled from his thinking. He looks up at the barista and grins “Thanks Ccino.” He glances at the coffee and feels himself blush.

The latte art is done masterfully but it is clearly of a person in a cloak.

Ccino hums “It was no trouble. Though I do feel like I should tell you that Dust won’t be here today. He is still working.” He looks amused as he says this.

Geno mumbles and quickly takes a sip of his coffee. But any haste disappears as the amazing taste fills his mouth.

No one is sure how, Geno least of all, but Ccino makes the best coffee and deserts. And Geno knows it is without magic! He checked!

Geno discovered this café almost three years ago now. It had still been newly opened and Ccino had still been setting things up. The menu back then had been simple and Ccino had been nervous about getting the right things up for sale.

Geno had been planning on just getting a coffee to show support. It was glaring obvious that Ccino had been a refuge. New and still nervous and just trying to settle.

Only to discover the best fucking coffee in the world. And Geno can know as he has been many places thanks to Reaper.

Geno made it a point to visit weekly. Which turned to more as more treats and options became available.

Geno shrugs as answer and Ccino looks amused but doesn’t say anything else. That is a nice thing about Ccino. He doesn’t push and he doesn’t sell out information. Normally people who own cafes quickly start talking about how the royal mage drinks coffee at their places. Somekind of publicity stunt or something. Ccino didn’t do that. He just let Geno and his brothers be. It was nice.

Geno sips his coffee as Ccino walks back to the counter. Mid step he pauses and reached under a table. A delighted squeek is heard and Ccino pulls back holding a tiny adorable babybones. One of the two twins, Dream is seems. Ccino nuzzles the little face before walking back to the counter. Now a tiny child carried in his arm and on his hip.

Geno had wondered about it, obviously. He wondered who Ccino had gotten the twins with. What the whole story was.

He did some snooping. Near the start. He knows they are from Orchard. And he knows about the stories about royal twins and how those are the heirs to be the next king that ascends or something.

Which just makes Geno more confused on what Ccino’s role is for the twins. If the twins’s ‘mother’ died in childbirth and the ‘father’ was the last king. Where did Ccino come in?

Geno would think that Ccino would be the king’s mate’s secret lover but that doesn’t work out either. Mostly because of Killer. Killer is Ccino’s mate and lover. That is obvious by how they interact and how they nuzzle and greet each other. The way that Killer greets the two kiddos as his own kids. Yet on the documents it just says that Ccino is their parent and there isn’t a mention of Killer.

Geno had been curious…

Especially with how they had reacted to Reaper.

Reaper had wanted to see the spot that made Geno leave the castle and his study. Reaper had wanted to visit and enjoy a cup of coffee.

As soon as Ccino had seen Reaper and normal cheer disappeared. There had only been a mask of politeness. Careful and measured responses and efficient movement. The two kids, only babies back then, had stared at Reaper and started fussing and crying when Reaper got too close to them.

The way Killer had been watching. Ready to tackle Reaper at the first wrong side.

Reaper and Geno both didn’t need more than two minutes to realise that there was a traumatic response to the very sight of a monarch. Geno made sure to get their orders to go. Apologising that he couldn’t sit down and drink but that they had a schedule. Ccino made the to go orders and even let them keep the cups. Saying that he didn’t have any to go cups but that it was alright.

The next time Geno come in he was alone again. He brought the two cups back and couldn’t help but notice that there where now paper cups and tops. Just in case clearly.

It wasn’t until a few days later that he met Dust for the first time.

It was near closing and Dust had walked in. Mysterious and dressed in a cloak. He walked up to Ccino and Ccino had smiled at him? He had hugged him as if he was an old friend and thanked him for being willing to watch the twins.

Geno had wanted to ask him what the deal was with his magic but Ccino had a very strict no tolerance of intolerance policy. Meaning he will kick you out and ban you if you are an ass.

So all Geno could do was watch and make actual small talk.

And now he visits almost daily to try and get a glance.

Reaper says it is cute that Geno has a crush.

His brothers think it is hilarious.

The door rings as Killer walks in.

Dream cheers and waddles over to Killer.

Killer grins as he spins the little babybones around “Well if it sin’t mister Dream Dusk! How are you doing DD?”

Dream giggles and wiggles happily. Neither of the twins are big on talking but that is alright.

Killer nods “Ah yes. Big day I hear. Learning to count higher is a very hard skill to learn.” And he nods as he walks over to Ccino “Hey Ccino.”

Ccino smiles back “Hey there.” He takes Dream and nuzzles the head before smiling brightly at Killer.

Killer grins as he pulls out a very nice looking ring. He gets on one knee and holds it out “Marry me?”

Geno hears some other guests gasp. He gets it. He would be shocked too. If it weren’t for the fact that he has seen about five proposals so far. He asked Ccino about it and Ccino had sheepishly admitted that for some reason Killer has decided to try and marry him in every single culture that there is. Meaning that there have been a lot od proposals.

It is still rather sweet.

Ccino giggles and accepts the proposal. Dream cheers as Killer kisses the other. Killer get sbehind the counter and greets some guests who are still in line and easily carries the conversation as Ccino walks around with a mission. He gets to a cupboard and opens it to retreat a second tiny skeleton. The second part of the twin set.

Ccino sighs “What did I tell you about hiding in there Nighty?” Nighty, or Nightmare Dawn as his full name, grins and nuzzles close to Ccino. Looking up at the other with big watery sockets.

Ccino obviously melts as he nuzzles the tiny babybones “Lets get you and your brother back to your beds.”

Nightmare whines and looks unhappy at Ccino.

Ccino grins “Well I will have to. Otherwise you don’t have enough energy to greet your aunty Robin and uncle Rogers now do we?”

Nightmare immediately looks excited and nods “Okay Da.”

Ccino grins as he walks over to Killer and Dream. He picks Dream up as well and after checking with Killer he leaves to disappear through the back door. Dream and Nightmare both happily wave at everyone else but specifically Killer as they both say “Bye Pa!” “Bye-bye Papa!” and the door closes as Killer giving a loud ‘love you two!’ into their directions.

It is sweet.

They are surrounded by mysteries and something else that Geno can’t put his finger on. But he won’t push.

He will try to learn of course but well. For now there is amazing coffee and he isn’t in a hurry.

[maskedbyghost]

ok possessive reader au x breeding kink…but instead of simon being obsessed with claiming you like that its reader

cw: breeding kink, possessive!reader, lots of dirty talk, dominant reader..

You barely made it through the door before you were on him. Simon had just locked it behind you when you turned around, grabbed his face in both hands, and kissed him like you’d been starving all night. And maybe you had.

Because the entire evening had been one long test of your patience—girls giving him looks, eyes dragging over him like he wasn’t standing next to you with your hand already on his thigh.

And the worst part? He didn’t even notice. He just smiled that shy smile of his, the one that made your insides twist, and kept talking to your group of friends like the other girls didn’t want to eat him alive.

You hated it. You hated how good he looked when he wasn’t even trying. You hated how polite he was, because it only made them want him more. But more than anything, you hated that you couldn’t blame them.

“You have no fucking idea,” you murmured between kisses, your voice breathless, “how bad I wanted to drag you out of there the second that girl started eye-fucking you across the damn table.”

Simon blinked, already flushed, his hands gripping your waist as you pressed him back toward the couch. “Didn’t notice anyone,” he said, almost apologetically, and you believed him—he never did. He was so unaware of his own effect, so painfully oblivious to how good he looked in that black button-down, sleeves rolled up, his tattoos peeking out..

“I know,” you said, pushing him down to sit. “That’s what makes it worse.”

He let you guide him without a fight, wide-eyed and already a little breathless, watching you like you were something wild. You were—especially now, especially after seeing too many women look at what was yours like they had a chance.

You climbed into his lap, straddling him, and he sucked in a sharp breath the moment you settled against the bulge in his jeans. His hands found your hips, his grip firm like he needed to ground himself.

“My pretty boy, all mine,” you whispered, leaning in close, and dragging your lips down the side of his neck. “All of you. Every inch. You know that, right?”

Simon groaned, his eyes fluttering shut. “Of course I’m yours, love. Always.”

“Damn right,” you growled, grinding down on him just enough to make him hiss. “And I’m gonna remind you. I’m not stopping ‘til you cum in me.”

His hands tightened on your hips, his whole body tensing under you, but he didn’t say a word. He just looked up at you like he was already unraveling and you hadn’t even gotten his jeans off yet.

“Gonna ride you, baby,” you murmured, rolling your hips slow, teasing, watching his eyes glaze over. “Gonna make you feel so good. Gonna take every drop from you.”

Simon cursed under his breath, eyes locked on yours, his jaw clenched like he was already trying not to lose it too fast. You could feel him twitching under you, hard and throbbing through the denim, and it made you grin.

“Not gonna stop,” you whispered, dragging your fingers through his hair, tugging just enough to make him moan. “Not until you fill me up. You want that, don’t you? Want me to keep you deep inside me ‘til I’m dripping with you?”

His breath stuttered, and he nodded, fucking helpless already. “Yeah. Yeah, I want that.”

You leaned in close, lips brushing his ear. “Then be a good boy and let me have you.”

You didn’t give him a chance to say anything else—you were already undoing his jeans, already dragging the zipper down slowly just to feel the way he squirmed beneath you.

Simon was panting, flushed deep red from his neck to his ears, his hips twitching up into your hands like he couldn’t help himself. He was so sensitive like this, so reactive when you took control, and you could tell he was trying so fucking hard to keep it together for you.

But you didn’t want him to keep it together.

You wanted to break him.

“God, look at you,” you breathed, wrapping your fingers around him as you pulled him free, already hard, already leaking. “So fucking hard for me and I haven’t even taken my panties off yet. Is this what does it for you, baby? Me taking what’s mine?”

Simon groaned and you felt his cock throb in your hand like it agreed with everything you were saying. He looked up at you with that wrecked expression you loved, lips parted, brows drawn tight like he was already overwhelmed, and you hadn’t even started riding him yet.

“Love…” he whispered, barely holding back. “Fuck, you’re gonna kill me.”

You just smirked, shifting your hips as you pushed your panties to the side and lined yourself up. “Nah,” you said, voice low and smug, “I’m just gonna ruin you.”

And then you sank down onto him, slowly, watching the way his whole body trembled underneath you as you took every inch.

“Oh my—fuck,” Simon gasped, eyes rolling back, hands grabbing at your hips like he didn’t know what to do with himself. “You—shit—you feel so good, baby, fuck—”

You moaned at the stretch, at the way he filled you so deep, like your body was made just for him. And it was. No one else had ever fit like this. No one else had ever made you feel so full, so fucking wanted, and you weren’t shy about letting him know.

“You like that?” you whispered, rocking your hips, already starting to move. “You like when I take you like this? Make you mine all over again?”

He nodded, nearly speechless, his mouth hanging open as you rode him slow at first, grinding your hips with purpose, dragging every movement out just to make him feel it. You leaned in close, your lips brushing his, and you said it again.

“Mine.”

He whimpered. Actually whimpered. And that was all the encouragement you needed.

You sped up, fucking down onto him harder, your nails digging into his shoulders as the sound of skin slapping filled the room, filthy and loud and perfect.

“Gonna cum in me,” you said, and it wasn’t a question. “You’re gonna fucking cum inside me, baby. I’m not getting off this cock ‘til I feel you fill me up.”

Simon was gone—eyes half-lidded, breath ragged, moaning your name like a prayer.

“Say it,” you demanded, slamming your hips down hard enough to make the couch creak. “Tell me who you belong to.”

“You,” he choked out, voice wrecked. “You, baby—fuck, I’m yours—yours—”

“Damn right you are,” you growled, bouncing on him faster now, the pressure building with every movement. “Every inch of you. Every drop. Mine.”

His hands flew to your waist, desperate now, holding you tight as he bucked up into you, chasing that high.

“Cum in me,” you whispered, right against his lips. “Do it, Simon. Fill me up. I want to feel it dripping out of me, want to know it’s yours, want to keep you in me all fucking night.”

He broke with a cry—loud and raw, his whole body tensing as he spilled deep inside you, hips jerking up uncontrollably as he held you down against him. The moment you felt him give in, so helplessly yours, it dragged you right over the edge too.

You came with a strangled moan, nails digging into his shoulders, clenching around him so hard it made him curse under his breath, gasping your name and holding onto you like he never wanted to let go.

And even when it was over, when you finally stilled and let him catch his breath, you leaned in and whispered against his flushed, damp skin— “No one else gets to have this, Simon—not your moans, not your cock, not your fucking cum. Only me. Always me.”

----------------------------------------

i love these two so muchh

@daydreamerwoah @kylies-love-letter @ghostslollipop @kittygonap @alfiestreacle @identity2212 @farylfordaryl @rafaelacallinybbay @akkahelenaa @lovelovelovelovelove987654321 @wraith-bravo6 @tessakate @xocandyy @nightfwn @robinfeldt98 @bunnyxiis

[luckyladylily]

So like, transandrophobia.

To start this out, I am a trans woman, been around in the queer community for a while. I'm also bisexuality, polyamorous, disabled, and aromantic, and I think these other parts of my identity and the crap I've caught over the years for them heavily informs how I analyze something like transandrophobia. My wife is also asexual, so that plays a part in it too.

So every group of marginalized people has their own unique experiences and problems. It's more of a rule than something we've mathematically demonstrated, but as far as these things go it's ridiculously well established, and personally every time I've done even a basic dive into the issues faced by a marginalized group it's been self evident. I could easily list a dozen groups ranging from racial minorities to different kinds of disabled people to different queer identities and analyze their social issues but let's be real, this is pretty well established theory, anyone who needs me to do that is not really interacting with good faith. This is one of the big reasons we talk to people about their own experiences and groups, we cannot reasonably extrapolate the experiences of others from our own.

So like trans men and trans mascs and anyone else that falls under that umbrella has their unique experiences. The idea that we would even question this is weird to me? Like I can't even imagine the kind of evidence someone would need to present to me to change my mind, and given the pattern of the queer community to be shitty in exactly this way to people in our community, yeah that is not happening.

Therefore, we are taking it for granted that the trans men/masc/related umbrella has their own things going on like everyone else ever, and I don't understand how someone acting in good faith can try to claim otherwise unless they are young or otherwise very inexperienced with such things.

The next point of contention seems to be the name, and I gotta be real I don't care and I don't understand why other people do. I've read all sorts of arguments against the word transandrophobia and the majority of them seem to be rooted in a misunderstanding of intersectionality, and even then it's like there is such a thing where people get so mired in theory that they miss the forest for the trees.

Perhaps more important to me, getting overly worked up about something as unimportant as the precise term is... weird. Like exclusionists hating on bi and ace people weird. I remember what it was like a decade ago when exclusionists were trying to police the words of bi women, and five years ago when ace and aro people were under constant attack under the pretense that our language was harmful for some reason or other. You are going to have to work very, very, very hard to convince me that any bickering over language as it relates to transandrophobia is not just more of the same.

Next, "transandrobros hate trans femmes" and similar stuff. I've seen the callout posts and found them completely unconvincing. Again, they read a lot like the old "ace people hate lesbians!" posts I used to see. I'm not convinced that the individuals involved were a problem, I am certainly not able to extrapolate a problem to the rest of the group.

Finally, there is this idea that "maleness is not a vector for oppression" and this invalidates something about the whole transandrophobia thing, ranging from the entire concept of trans men experiencing prejudice to something about language being imprecise all the way to "This is fascist shit, omg these people are basically nazis" depending on who says it. I'm not going to touch any of that and just look at the underlying logic.

This is based off a misunderstanding of intersectionality theory. Many people think of intersectionality as defining intersecting prejudice, like a ven diagram, such that transmisogyny is the intersection of transphobia and misogyny. This is incorrect. Intersectionality defines unique prejudice experienced by people with intersecting identities. Instead of a transmisogyny as the overlap of transphobia and misogyny, imagine adding a third circle that overlaps both but also has its own areas covered by neither.

Applied to transandrophobia, even if we assume maleness is not a vector for oppression, there is no reason to assume that the intersection of maleness with a marginalized identity doesn't result in new issues. Imagine that 3 circle venn diagram that represents misogyny, transphobia, and transmisogyny. Even if you remove the misogyny circle there is still plenty of ground covered by the transmisogyny circle.

This just isn't a valid criticism. It is a pure theory approach based on a flawed reading of theory.

So in summary:

Everyone has their unique shit going on and I've seen no convincing evidence that trans men, mascs, etc. Are the exception.

I not seen any convincing argument that the word itself is bad.

I've not seen any convincing evidence that there is some epidemic of transandrophobia truthers hating and harassing trans femmes on scales higher than normal background queer infighting.

The most coherent objection to transandrophobia I've seen is categorically incorrect and based on a fundamental misunderstanding of intersectionality theory.

I would like to remind everyone at this point I am a trans woman, part of the group that is supposedly a problem for and I've just not see it at all, to the point where it is kind of weird how intensely some people are pushing this.

I'm not trying to be mean or whatever, I'm sure the distress on display here comes from a real place and real trauma, but I've yet to see anything that makes me think there is substance to the objections to transandrophobia as a concept. It feels and reads like the latest round of queer intracommunity exclusionism, and the fact that this time around I'm not one of the target identities doesn't change that for me.

[2hightocare]

COFFEE!

“I think I'm past obsessed at this point, there has to be another word in the dictionary that tops obsessed.”

Synopsis: in which a hopeless romantic falls in love with the man of her dreams…

Pairings: boyfriend!jeongguk x fem!reader

Genre: established relationship.. non idol au

Warnings: literally the most sappy thing I could have possibly written, was listening to ‘coffee’ by miguel while writing, they’re such a gentle love, reader is a book worm, Jungkook likes drawing (doodling) plus points when his drawings are about oc, mentions of their first time having sex, usage of book quotes (read nltm, had to use the mia and sebastian line for my own sanity) <3333333

authors note: this is so simple but my book worm hopeless romantic needed this.. wrote this while high so nothing new 🤍

They say falling in love is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

You couldn’t explain the immediate sensation, the feeling that spreads throughout your chest as if you were a black-and-white picture that suddenly starts to fill with vibrant colors anytime his eyes lock with yours.

It was astonishing how the universe works—the idea that you are destined for someone ever since you are born, and that all the hardships along the way shape you into the person you need to be to meet them.

Your heartbeat thumped loudly in your ears as you watched him laugh from across the room, an oversized hoodie and baggy jeans covering his lean, muscular figure—one you’d memorized to the tiniest detail. You knew every freckle and scar. His head was thrown back, arms crossed, as he paid attention to whatever the guy in front of him was saying.

You scrunched your nose, using your index finger to push your glasses up as you studied your boyfriend from afar. You weren’t sure whether to call it pathetic or endearing, the way you noticed every little crease on his forehead and the way he toyed with his bottom lip absentmindedly. You even took note of his long eyelashes, and nearly died of jealousy every time you counted them when he slept beside you.

It was gut-wrenching to imagine anyone else feeling about him the way you did. The thought alone made you want to puke in the nearest trash can.

You were lovesick for this man, and you could already feel the heat rising to your cheeks whenever you looked at him or heard his laugh. Not only did you want to scream and freak out over every little thing he did, but he also had you daydreaming constantly. You found yourself thinking of silly song lyrics that resonated with how you felt about him. Staring at his side profile, you finally understood the meaning behind Suki Waterhouse’s lyrics: “Oh, my good looking boy,” echoed in your mind.

Before you could form another lyric or recall a favorite book quote to describe your feelings, his eyes found yours. A small smile tugged at his lips as his gaze scanned your expressions, reading you as if you were an open book. You smiled, tilting your head to the side, trying to hide the makeshift fireworks going off in your tummy.

His gaze softened, and it made your breath waver. You had never understood the meaning of “his gaze softened” in books, but now, you understood every syllable of those words after experiencing it firsthand.

You honestly couldn’t think of a single thing you didn’t love about him. You loved everything about him, even the parts he claimed were too “broken” or “damaged” to be loved.

A few seconds passed before he finally said his goodbyes and began making his way back to you. Your eyes followed every step, catching the grin he wore.

“I don’t know, I pretty much think you’re obsessed with me,” your boyfriend teased, his straight teeth on full display as he stopped in front of you, looking down at you on the couch.

“In your dreams.” You laughed, craning your neck to look up at him.

Instead of getting mad, he let out a low chuckle, leaning down with both arms on either side of the couch, caging you in.

“Every night, baby.” He whispered softly, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips before moving to your cheek, delivering another soft kiss. You sighed in contentment as his lips ghosted over your skin, the pet name making your head feel dizzy.

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before standing up straight again, looking down at you. Your eyelids felt heavy as you looked up at him through your lashes. He was already smiling, and you didn’t even need to ask “what?”—you already knew. Anyone in their right mind could tell how obsessed you were with him, and it was no surprise to him either.

As you both walked out of the bookstore, carrying a bag full of psychological and romance books (and, of course, the box of transparent sticky notes Jungkook got for you to annotate your books without writing on the actual pages), it was clear this was one of his favorite things to do. In his free time, when he wasn’t working or with you, he loved opening one of your books and reading your thoughts scribbled in the margins. Half of his camera roll was pictures of you, but the other half was just pictures of your annotations, scribbles, and drawings.

It was as if he was inside your mind, reading every thought, and he loved it.

He could still recall the first book he opened that sent his heart racing, like a teenage boy with a crush.

“I couldn’t see him, but his laugh was unmistakable. I could close my eyes and be in so many places with that laugh. That laugh was the cohesive thread, the little recurring melody that showed up in so many scenes of my life, like Mia and Sebastian’s theme in La La Land. Always there, playing in the background.”

Those words were highlighted in the prettiest shade of pink, with two small hearts drawn beside them. But it was your handwriting at the bottom that got him: “The feeling I’ve been trying to put into words about how I feel every time I look at him has just been done for me, oh my.” He remembered feeling his heart stop for a second. And when it started again, it was for you—his heart was for you and only you.

That wasn’t all. It had become one of your shared love languages. Jungkook started buying books he thought you’d like. He even asked your little sister what your favorite highlighters were so he could buy them for both of you.

Your heart did somersaults when you opened a book on his bedside table and saw a drawing—a pair of eyes in black ink, long lashes making them look bigger and more innocent. Your breath hitched as you noticed the small freckle just below the eyebrow, realizing it was you.

It didn’t help the overwhelming sensation of adoration when you saw his handwriting in the margins.

“You remembered?” she said softly.

“I remember every second of us.”

The text was underlined, and in small letters, he had written, “Gosh, she made me fall so hard that I’m reading sappy words and thinking ‘us’ out loud. #sendhelp,” with a frowning emoji next to the hashtag. Before you knew it, you were on page one, reading every single line and note he had left.

Also, the multiple drawings on the pages where there was extra space had your heart thumping hard in your chest. There were so many drawings— each one tied to you or him. It was impossible to describe every feeling surging through your chest, every emotion racing in your bloodstream, as your fingertips traced the drawing of you.

This time, it was an image of you on your back, lying on a bed. Only part of your side profile was visible, with your hair spilling across the bed, covering most of your back. At first, you didn't want to assume it was you he'd drawn-being self-centered wasn't your style. But it was impossible to deny it when he'd sketched every freckle, even the small half-moon tattoo on your shoulder blade, matching the real one inked on your skin.

You smiled at the memory but snapped back to the present as your boyfriend instinctively switched you to the other side of the sidewalk when you two turned toward Target. You held tight to his index finger as he squeezed between people, leading you behind him with a soft "excuse me" to anyone in the way.

Automatically, you found yourself smiling as you picked up your pace to match his longer strides. He pulled you in closer, his arm snaking around your waist, his hand resting over your belly—a little lower than usual, sending butterflies flitting wildly in your stomach. You suppressed a shiver as he gently guided you to the side, allowing an older couple to pass by.

"Us when we're eighty, baby," Jungkook leaned down and whispered into your ear, making you playfully roll your eyes at him. His smile only widened at your reaction.

"Won't be us if you keep watching Young Sheldon without me," you pouted, giving him a playful glare, which only made him smile more.

"Why are you smiling?" you asked, maybe even whining a little as you walked into the store and heard the employee greet you both.

"Because you're so beautiful, and my brain goes in circles when I stare at you," he shrugged casually, giving your waist a small squeeze before untangling his arm to grab a cart.

You tried so hard not to melt, holding onto his bicep as he leaned forward on the cart, making him closer to your height.

"Don't know it you're down, but l've been wanting to learn how to crochet," you said as you glanced around the aisles. Your boyfriend immediately started nodding excitedly.

"Baby, oh my god. I'm so down. We need to make those big-ass blankets," he rambled, looking at your face for a reaction, like a puppy with its ears perked up and tail wagging.

"I think that's knitting, baby," you corrected him, smiling as his eyebrows raised before he let out a small laugh.

"Wait, are those two not the same thing?" His dimple deepened as he bit his lower lip, stopping in front of the craft aisle.

"I actually have no clue," you admitted with a chuckle, raising an eyebrow. "But I know you can crochet a blanket because you once told me about those pattern blocks you saw on your explore page.”

Jungkook's gaze softened as he made eye contact with you, his pupils dilated with so much adoration that it made your heart swell.

"And I remember because I searched them on TikTok to see what you were talking about. I saw people connecting them into blankets. Also, I remember you pretending to sleep so you didn't have to scratch my back anymore-before my one minute was up. You swear you're slick, but I know when you're really asleep," he said with a grin, teasingly biting your cheek as you tried not to smile.

"How do you know I'm not sleeping?" you teased, and he chuckled, ghosting his lips over yours.

"Because every time you fall asleep, you make this little sound, and then slowly, you start snoring," he laughed, watching your cheeks turn a shade of red before burying his laughing face in the crook of your neck.

To be loved is to be seen.

That phrase had never felt more accurate. No one else had ever seen you the way Jungkook did. He knew you so well, down to the tiniest details that sometimes even surprised you.

Your eyes practically turned into hearts as Jungkook kissed your neck innocently before turning his attention to the yarns.

This was the kind of love you had always dreamed of

-better than the movies or books. Nothing could top the overwhelming feelings of gratitude, love, and appreciation that coursed through your body whenever you looked at him. Your brain practically played the instrumental of "Video Games" by Lana Del Rey whenever you spent time with him.

It was as if even a natural disaster couldn't faze you

-so long as you could experience it with him.

The connection between you two was beyond what you ever imagined existed in real life. It felt like something out of a fairy tale. From the moment you locked eyes with him across the room, you both knew there was no turning back.

After checking out and getting to Jungkook's car, he opened the door for you, reaching over to buckle your seatbelt before putting the bags in the back.

Once he climbed into the driver's seat, his hand instinctively found its place on your thigh after starting the car. His thumb rubbed your bare skin, sending sparks flying through your body. It was such a natural gesture for him, but the butterflies never ceased. You bit your lip, trying not to whine when his hand moved closer to your inner thigh.

As he softly sang along to "Creep" by Radiohead, it was just another thing you'd become morally obsessed with-his voice. You had always known he could sing, but everything changed the night you were first intimate.

It was as if your entire perspective on love and sex shifted. Simply calling it "sex" seemed absurd now, because it was so much more. Everything felt heightened, more intense, making your heart pound wildly in your chest.

"F-fuck, baby..." he whimpered into your ear, his hips moving slowly into yours, leaving your mouth hanging open.

His little groans and moans made you dizzy, like notes of a lullaby. The feeling of skin against skin was the most addicting sensation, made even more special by the way he always checked in on you.

"Shhh, I'm sorry. Am I being too rough, baby?" His voice was strained as his hips halted, his breath heavy as he moved your hair to kiss your neck.

He resumed slowly, making your legs shake and grip the sheets, and you couldn't help but moan, asking for more. His chuckle against your skin was the same one you’d hear when he rested his head on your stomach, expecting you to scratch his back or read to him.

"You're sweaty," you pouted at him, both of you basking in the afterglow.

"I know. Do you still want me?" He smiled, mimicking your expression before pulling the covers over both your naked bodies and pulling you in as close as possible.

"Yes, I'll forever want you," you replied, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, savoring the warmth he radiated.

As sleepiness began to overtake you, you felt his fingertips tracing letters and shapes on your hip.

Just before drifting off, he began singing again. It was like entering another universe where only you and he existed

"I want you to notice," he sang softly, "when I'm not around."

"So fucking special... I wish I was special." He pressed a kiss to your temple, the sound of his voice and your matching heartbeats lulling you both to sleep.

You snapped back to reality when the car stopped at a red light.

"Is it bad that I always hope to get red lights so I can kiss you?" he asked, flashing a grin that had you laughing.

Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his as his eyes fluttered shut, his finger lifting your chin gently.

"Not bad, but a little weird. You want to spend so much time with me," you teased, pulling back to your seat. "Some might even think you're pretty obsessed."

"I'm past obsessed at this point. There's got to be another word that tops it," he admitted, stealing another kiss just before the light turned green.

As you gazed at him, you couldn't help but wish there was another word, stronger than "love," to describe how you felt about him.

[infinitatis-ink]

Brotherly Devotion

Yandere Younger Brother!Gojo x Older Sister!Reader

Summary: Out of everyone in your clan, your younger brother loved you the most. And he’d do anything to keep you by his side.   

A/N: Younger bro!Gojo being a low-key yandere for his older sis is an incredibly interesting concept to me. I also have a fic outline for this idea in my drafts, but it’ll take a different direction from these headcanons

Content Warnings: Brother-sister incest, noncon/rape, drugging, somnophilia, emotional manipulation, possessive behaviour, yandere behaviour, virginity loss, piv sex, creampies, female Reader.

MDNI. AGELESS BLOGS AND MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED

Younger Brother!Gojo, who’s been joined at the hip with you since childhood. You’re the only person that he’s been allowed to interact with consistently, and you’ve been the only one to treat him as an actual person. It was always you who let him cry even when your caretakers scolded him for acting in a way not suitable for an heir, curl up in your arms whenever his Six Eyes became overwhelming, and sleep in your bed when the stillness of the night was too much. 

Younger Brother!Gojo, who insisted on going anywhere you went, and vice versa. He’d cling to your arm and give anyone who’d try to separate the two of you a vicious death glare; not even your own parents could get him to leave your side. When he gets older and can’t do that it anymore, he’ll demand you spend every free moment you have with him. Even if you’re trying to study or relax, he’ll barge in to dramatically hang off your arm and pout until you pay attention to him. 

Younger Brother!Gojo who begins having wet dreams about you when he hits puberty. At first they’re just with a woman who resembles you from afar. But soon he’s dreaming about having you writhing in pleasure under him, moaning his name every night. He tries everything he can think of to get these feelings out of his system—jerking off until it’s painful, fooling around with other girls, buying magazines of gravure idols. But no matter what he does, all he can think of is you.

Younger Brother!Gojo who’s irritated every time he sees you with your friends, or even worse, another boy. Isn’t he supposed to be your favourite? He’s such a brat, fighting for your attention. Dragging you everywhere with him so you don’t have the energy to talk to anyone else, butting in on your hang outs with your friends, whining about how you never have time for him anymore until you cancel whatever plans you had to be with him instead.

Younger Brother!Gojo, who insists you call and text him every day when he goes to Tokyo to study. Good luck if you forget to do so even once—he’ll ghost you for days and when he does answer, he’s very passive aggressive. Don’t be sorry for forgetting, he says. You’ve got so many other important things to do that keeping in touch with your little brother isn’t a priority anymore. You’ll have to grovel for days before he’ll forgive you, and even then, he’ll hold this over you for months to come.  

Younger Brother!Gojo who realises he only wants you after the events of the Star Plasma Vessel Incident and Geto’s defection. He becomes more possessive after that; he can’t afford to lose you too. He calls multiple times a day, and he'll spam you with texts if you don't answer. He needs to know your location at all times, for your own safety, he claims. Your friendships suffer because Gojo leaves you with so little time for anyone else, and he gets so mean whenever he sees you with anyone he doesn’t approve of.  

Younger Brother!Gojo who becomes bolder after he graduates. He’ll steal your used panties to jerk off. He’ll pull you into his lap while the two of you are watching movies in his room, his hands wandering up your thighs and chest. If you call him out for it, he’ll laugh and tell you to get your head out of the gutter. Some nights you'll open your bedroom door to see your younger brother, deathly pale. I can’t sleep, he whispers. Can I stay in your bed like we used to? You never have the heart to refuse, even when you wake up to a damp spot on the back of your pajamas in the morning.

Younger Brother!Gojo who notices when you’ve suddenly become more avoidant and depressed. At first he thinks it’s because of those old fossils that call themselves the clan elders. They’ve been demanding more of his time as of late, forcing him away from your side as they harass him about hurrying up to become the clan head. Poor you, you must’ve been so lonely. 

Younger Brother!Gojo, whose blood runs cold when you tearfully admit your parents are considering an arranged marriage with a man old enough to be your father. Every cell in his body is screaming at him to just kill the elders, the consequences be damned, to take you and run. Instead, he hugs you and tells you not to worry, he’ll talk to the elders about this.    

Younger Brother!Gojo, who comes to his clan with an ultimatum: he’ll become the clan head for a price—you. The elders are shouting and shaking with rage at this and his parents have gone numb with shock, but that’s to be expected. The room falls silent when the wisps of a Hollow Purple form threateningly at his fingertips. It’s not long before the elders all cower and shamefully agree to his terms. 

Younger Brother!Gojo who can barely contain his excitement as he serves you tea laced with sleeping pills. You drink it without any hesitation, fully trusting your little brother even as you drift off to sleep, confused and dazed. Gojo immediately carries you off to your new home, a small house on the edge of the compound, ignoring his parents’ disgusted looks on the way out. Nobody matters except the two of you now.

Younger Brother!Gojo, who can’t resist claiming you for himself once he’s chained you to the bed of your new home. He takes his time undressing you as if you were the most precious gift in the world, taking his time to admire every curve of your body, the glow of your skin against the dim lighting, the steady rise and fall of your chest as you sleep on, oblivious to your fate. You look and taste better than anything he'd conjured up in his mind all those nights he'd fisted his cock to you, and he's eager to get a taste. He marks your whole body with hickeys to show the world you belong to him.  

Younger Brother!Gojo who nearly cums on the spot when he enters you for the first time. It’s maddening, the way your warm walls tighten and clamp down on his cock, as though you’re trying to pull him into you. He’s high, almost as high as that summer’s day when he truly understood Limitless, because now, you and him have become one. And best of all, you’re his first time as much as he is yours. 

Younger Brother!Gojo who can’t stop himself from rutting into you like an animal in heat in spite of his best attempt at going slowly and savoring the moment. Every thrust into you makes him feel like he’s seeing stars, even when you wake up and begin struggling against him. Your cries fall on deaf ears as Gojo chases after his pleasure, his eyes rolling back at the way the tip of his cock kisses your cervix with each movement. He’s pussy drunk; all he can think and say is how much he loves you, he’s always loved you, you’ve been all he’s ever wanted all these years.  

Younger Brother!Gojo, who cums inside you the moment you cum with a sob, your walls spasming around his cock as he spills his seed in you. He takes you into your arms after, cooing softly as he kisses away your tears. Don’t cry, he tells you. He knows the sudden change was so scary for you, but soon you’ll realise that he did it all for you. Soon you’ll see that the two of you are free to love each other the way you were meant to here, away from your clan and the jujutsu world. You just need some time to see that he's right, so trust your beloved little brother, okay?   

[plethorawrites]

can I request Damian x reader but reader is like the opposite she’s clumsy and messy (NOT DIRTY SHES JUST NOT REALLY ORGANIZED) and at first Damian is like no way I could ever like someone like that but then he’s like oh shit I think I like her you don’t have to do it but it was just an idea

(A/N- This has been sitting in my drafts for a bit because people are STILL calling me racist, so I've seriously considered wiping Damian from my page completely. But I love him as a character way too much to do that, so here we are!) (Requests are open again, btw!)

---

Despite being rather pretentious because of his upbringing, I think anytime Damian Wayne is assigned to do a group project, he'd want to go to someone else's house. They usually live in squalor (Middle class) but he deals with it for a few hours because it beats having his classmates fawning over his older brother's or asking his dad if he really used to date Harvey Dent or if that's just a rumor.

Usually, despite the condition of the house (Aka having a dish rack on the counter.) the room they'd work in was pretty clean. But you? Oh, no, no, no. He almost had a heart attack when he saw the state of catastrophe your study room was in.

Books on the ground instead of on the shelves, chair pulled out from the desk instead of tucked in, tons of sticky notes scattered on the walls and reminders pinned up. No one could have that short of a memory, could they? You seemed to.

The number of loose papers on the desk, the open notebooks with illegible writing, fidget toys to relieve stress or increase your focus, cups from when you needed coffee for a late-night study session that hadn't made it all the way to the dishwasher yet. (But it was on the sticky note! Right under the reminder to check your email.

Was that a thing people needed to remember to do?

He was utterly perplexed by the chaos you seemed so comfortable in. What he found most odd though, was how you never made any effort to fix it. He had been to your house three times thus far, trying to make a dent in the project that would take at least another week and each time, your room was the same. He even offered to help you organize (For his own sanity) but you turned him down, claiming you liked it how it was.

"How could anyone possibly like studying like this?" he questioned.

You shrugged. "I find having a pristine desk makes me uncomfortable, like I'm not actually doing work in a space I can relax in," you explained. "Plus, research shows environments like this increase brain productivity."

Damian wasn't sure if he believed that for a single second. But you clearly seemed to.

"But it's so messy," he muttered, motioning to your desk, so covered in God knows what that he couldn't even see what color the wood was.

"It's disorganized, not messy," you retorted. "And I know where everything is. Pencil sharper is by the white out because I use both rarely, erasers are where all the pencils are because I stab the led into them when I'm bored, highlighters are the ruler, which is.... under the syllabus I printed at the start of the year."

You pointed at everything as you said it and he slowly came to the realization that you weren't lying when you said you weren't messy. You kind of, in some weird way, had a system that worked.

Still, it felt uncomfortable for him. For a while. He'd watch you chew on your pencil and reach for tape that came from he didn't even know where, seemingly materializing things out of thin air. You barely even sat in the chair, he realized. He was always the one sitting in it, watching you sit or lay on the floor.

The only time Damian was ever on the floor was when Titus knocked him down or he got beat by his brothers during sparring. (Not that it ever happened..psh, no, don't be absurd.)

He slowly got a bit more accustomed to your room, even starting to find a bit of comfort whenever he stepped into it. It was welcoming, in a way, he'd come to think. When had that happened?

"Aren't you supposed to leave by eight?" you asked him, stretching your arms over your head as you sat on the floor across from him.

Damian frowned, looking at the time. He realized it was already 7:55. Had it already been four hours? It seemed like he just sat down on your rug, which, was surprisingly comfortable.

He hated to admit how much more productive he felt sitting on the floor than at a desk. "Uh, yes, right," he nodded, standing up and stretching as well. "I think we can probably get this finished by Tuesday," he added, feeling a weird pang of disappointment by the thought.

You nodded. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow at four, then," you told him, watching as he packed up his books neatly, the pages fitting back in the nice folder perfectly. "Unless you wanna stay," you suddenly found yourself offering. "For dinner, I mean. If...if you want to. No pressure."

Damian paused, caught off guard by invitation. He stared at you for a few minutes, lips parting but words not leaving his mouth. Dinner? That was probably going to last at least an hour or two. Longer if your parents were the kind to serve dessert or chat a lot. He might not get home until ten or later.

"Sure," he agreed abruptly, though logically he knew he should refuse. He was supposed to be asleep by nine so he could get some rest before patrol. "I'd love to stay for dinner," he remarked, setting his bag back down for what wasn't one or two hours like planned, but four and a half.

How he would explain getting home past midnight to his father, he wasn't sure yet. But he'd find a reasonable excuse. After all, his dad was the one who told him to find normal friends and he was just doing what he asked.

...You were just his friend, right?

[digitaldaydreamm]

unspoken claim

rafe x childhood friend!reader

| summary | best friends help each other out, right?

warnings: oral (fem receiving), coaxing, rafe persuades reader

a/n: guess what i wrote 😈, this is my first time writing smth spicy so pls don't judge me... feedback is appreciated and as always, requests are open!

part 2 part 3 masterlist

⋆｡𖦹 °.🐚⋆❀˖°

Your room was quiet except for the faint hum of the air conditioning and your own uneven breaths. The dim glow of your bedside lamp barely reached the corners of the space, wrapping everything in a soft, hazy warmth. You were lost in your own little world, your body warm and tingling, your mind drifting somewhere light and airy, where nothing existed except the slow, aching pull in your stomach.

You hadn’t meant for it to happen.

It was just one of those nights. One of those nights where you were too restless to sleep, where your body felt too sensitive, your skin buzzing from the warmth of your sheets and the weight of your own touch. It wasn’t something you really thought about—it was just a way to wind down, to relax.

And you had no idea you weren’t alone.

The door creaked open.

You didn’t hear it at first, too lost in the moment, but the shift in the air made your stomach drop. The second you opened your eyes and saw the tall, broad figure standing in your doorway, your entire body locked up.

Rafe.

You scrambled up so fast it made you dizzy, yanking your covers up to your chest as if that would somehow erase what he’d just seen. Your pulse was a panicked rhythm in your ears, and your breath caught in your throat.

“Rafe—” Your voice was barely above a whisper, eyes wide, heart racing.

He just stood there. Watching.

His expression was unreadable—brows slightly furrowed, lips parted just enough to make you think he might say something. But he didn’t. Not at first. He just exhaled, slow and measured, before stepping inside and pushing the door shut behind him.

You swallowed hard. “Why—why are you here?”

Rafe’s eyes flicked down to your phone on the nightstand, the screen still dark. “You weren’t answering,” he murmured, voice rougher than usual. “Thought something happened.”

Your stomach twisted. You hadn’t even realized your phone was on silent. And if it had been anyone else, you probably would’ve told them to get out. But it was Rafe. Your Rafe. The person who had always been there, always looked out for you, always knew what you needed before you even had to ask.

You should have been embarrassed.

Maybe you were.

But not enough to look away when he stepped closer, his presence making the air feel thick, heavy.

Rafe tilted his head, studying you like he was putting together a puzzle. “Didn’t know you did that, kid,” he murmured, and the teasing lilt in his voice made your cheeks burn.

You sucked in a breath, barely able to hold his gaze. “I—I don’t—”

“No?”

He sat down on the edge of your bed, his weight sinking into the mattress, his knee brushing against your leg. He was too close, too warm, too Rafe, and it made you want to shrink into yourself and melt into him all at once.

“You don’t need to be shy,” he said, voice quieter now. Gentler. Like he was just trying to make you feel comfortable. “S’just me, baby.”

And that was the problem.

Because it was just Rafe. And you trusted him more than anyone.

You trusted him so much you didn’t flinch when he reached out, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear the way he always did. You didn’t question it when his fingers drifted, brushing down your jaw, tracing the curve of your throat.

You barely even breathed when he smirked, eyes dark and knowing, and said—

“Let me help you, yeah?”

You furrowed your brows, confusion flickering across your face.

"Wh-what?" you breathed out, your cheeks burning a deep crimson.

"Best friends help each other out, right?" Rafe murmured, his fingers trailing back up toward your face, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to look at him.

"I don't know, Rafey..." You hesitated, shivering when his other hand slid higher up your thigh.

"It's okay, sweetheart. It's just me." His voice was calm, coaxing, like this was something as simple as him fixing your necklace or tucking you under his arm like he always did.

Only this was different.

His hand crept higher, fingers catching the edge of the blanket you had frantically pulled over yourself in your panic. With slow, deliberate ease, he peeled it away.

"This okay?" His gaze was heavy, dark, unreadable- as it raked over your half-dressed form, lingering, taking you in like you were something to be memorized.

You swallowed hard, nodding, too embarrassed to speak.

He tutted, squeezing your thigh lightly.

"Words, baby."

"Yes..." you whispered, barely audible.

That was all he needed.

The blanket was discarded, the soft thud as it hit the floor sounding far louder in the stillness of your room.

Rafe's hands roamed over the plush skin of your thighs, slowly pushing your —his— shirt higher up, exposing more of you to his hungry gaze. He paused, letting his fingers graze over you in a way that sent a shiver up your spine before lowering himself between your legs.

The first press of his lips against your stomach was featherlight, almost reverent.

Then another. And another. He kissed his way down, hands roaming-caressing your hips, your sides, your thighs-like he couldn't get enough, like he needed to touch every part of you.

Your soft whimpers broke the silence, and God, the sound made something primal curl inside him.

Before you could process it, his warm tongue flattened against your bundle of nerves, dragging over it in a way that made your back arch off the mattress.

A gasp tore from your throat, your head snapping up to look at him-only to find those piercing blue eyes already watching you. There was something almost mocking in his expression, something amused, like he was waiting for this exact reaction.

Embarrassment crashed over you, and your hands flew to his head, trying to push him back.

"Rafe-"

He grunted against you, the sound vibrating straight through your core. His grip tightened as he pushed your hands away, intertwining your fingers with his instead, holding them in place against the sheets.

The sensation was unlike anything you'd ever felt. Overwhelming. Dizzying. Rafe was good-so good that the thought of where he had learned this sent an unfamiliar pang through your chest. But you couldn't focus on that now. Not when he was everywhere. Not when he was unraveling you piece by piece.

His pace quickened, his free hand slipping lower to add to your pleasure, to push you closer to the edge.

And then it hit you.

That telltale pressure building, the warmth coiling tight in your stomach.

"I-I'm..." The words barely left you before you shattered, pleasure crashing over you in waves so intense you swore you saw stars.

Rafe groaned as you came undone, his mouth never leaving you, his tongue still lapping up every aftershock. He held your hips down as you writhed beneath him, your moans of his name filling the room like a melody he never wanted to stop hearing.

He had never heard you say his name like that before.

So desperate. So wrecked. So perfect.

As your body trembled from the aftershocks, Rafe pressed soft, almost soothing kisses to your inner thighs, though he couldn't resist leaving a few sharp bites here and there-little marks, little reminders of him.

And as you caught your breath, still dazed, still trying to make sense of what had just happened, Rafe smirked against your skin.

Because you had no idea what you'd just started.

No idea that this was only the beginning.

[loonylupinblack3]

Jealous

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader

Warnings: swearing, suggestive content, slight violence

Summary: Logan see's a guy flirting with you and gets jealous

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: this was written while i was sleep deprived and had no idea where tf it was going so enjoy

Logan wasn’t a very jealous person. He never had reason to be; everyone knew you were his and he didn’t feel the need to scare anyone off. He knew you only had eyes for him, and he didn’t feel threatened by anyone else.

Usually.

Yet as he was watching you laughing with that guy at the bar, like he was somehow the most hilarious fucking person on this planet, all he wanted to do was walk over there and punch the guy square in the jaw.

He didn’t though, because he’d learnt from the past you were not a fan of his outbursts but fuck he wanted to. He could feel his claws itching to extend, to rip through his flesh and proceed to rip out that guy’s flesh. He knew you were dating Logan, he’d have to. He was a new mutant to the school sure but he’d been here for about a week. It was common knowledge you and Logan were in a serious relationship; he’d have to have heard about it by now.

So he was flirting with you knowing you were taken. He might as well have been flirting with death.

“Calm down there mate.”

Scott’s voice took Logan out of his stewing. He glanced at his friend, who had noticed his jealousy and was staring at him with an amused look on his face.

“Shut up,” was Logan’s gruff response, eyes going back to your smiling face, resisting the urge to walk over there and claim you as his right in front of the bastard.

He was also miffed with you, however. Surely you weren’t that dumb. Surely you could see the blatant attraction the man held for you. Yet you did nothing to diffuse the tension or let him know you weren’t interested.

“Dude, you’d think you had my laser eyes with the way you’re glaring at that guy,” Scott said, not helping Logan in the slightest. He wished he did have Scott’s lazer eyes so he could get rid of this irritating problem. 

Jean decided to walk up at that moment, casting Logan a weary glance. “I’m not sure how long he can take before he snaps.”

“I can hear you y’know,” Logan said through gritted teeth, though Jean wasn’t entirely wrong.

It was when the guy laid his hands on you, squeezing your arm the way Logan did, that he finally ‘snapped’ as Jean had called it.

His friends didn’t even try to stop him as he stalked towards you, knowing it’d be no use. Logan was ready to rip that man’s arm off his body if he kept touching what was Logan’s, and he wouldn’t even feel bad about it. He’d enjoy it. 

You turned towards him when he arrived, shining him a bright smile. God, you really were that naive when it came to other men. Logan knew he should be grateful, knew this obliviousness came from a place of love, where you simply didn’t see any other man that way so you didn’t pick up on the obvious cues, but right now it was doing nothing but irk him, seeing another man flirt with you and seeing you do nothing about it.

“Logan,” you greeted warmly, wrapping both your arms around one of his, and shaking the other man’s hand off in the process. A bolt of satisfaction struck him at the action, but it wasn’t enough to quench his overwhelming jealousy.

He tugged you closer, feeling a deep sense of contentment when you eagerly complied, and his irritation towards you lessened slightly. Noticing the man’s narrowed gaze as he watched the two of you however only increased it.

He raised an eyebrow at the man. “Something wrong?”

He tried and failed to mask his face, Logan seeing the twisted jealousy lurking beneath the surface. It was so similar to his own it caught Logan off guard for a second, and his own anger towards the man wavered.

That was until he opened his mouth. 

“Just the fact you can’t give your girlfriend more than five minutes of space before you’re crowding her again.”

Logan was going to kill this man.

You seemed to realise that too as your hold got a tad tighter, as if to hold him back. If you weren’t wrapped around his arm his claws would already be out, yet you knew exactly how to stop him, and had it so Logan couldn’t attack this son of a bitch.

“Excuse me?” was his response again, and the people around them quietened, as if sensing the danger.

He felt rather than saw Scott and Jean move closer, to protect Logan or the man he wasn’t sure.

The man scoffed, glancing at you who was certainly not smiling at him anymore. “You see her chatting to me and you have to barge in. It’s like you’re scared if she talks to another guy she’ll realise you’re not all that and fuck off while she has the chance.”

Yep, this man was dead. He couldn’t just run his mouth like that, in front of you, and expect Logan not to pummel him into the ground. He was going to make sure the man’s death was painful and slow, that he felt every cut and bone breaking.

Yet before he could do a single thing you stepped forward and gave the guy a glare so dirty Logan was relieved not to be on the receiving end of it.

“You speak about my relationship with Logan like you have any idea of what goes on between us again and I’ll fuck your shit up.”

The man looked so stunned he couldn’t even formulate a proper sentence. “But you- but he-”

“Did you ever think maybe I like having him around? That maybe spending time with my boyfriend is what I want? And even if I didn’t, did you really think I’d prefer you instead? A man who barely knows me yet tries to speak for me and insults the people I love?”

Logan was staring at you in awe. The way you kept going, stripping this man of his arrogance and self assuredness, ripping him to shreds verbally the way Logan would have physically, well, it turned him on. You matched each other so well he couldn’t help the smug smile tugging at his lips as he turned back to the now humiliated man.

“I think she said it all.”

He sent Logan one last glare, and he thought that would be the end of it when he caught the muttered “bitch,” the man sent your way.

Immediately Logan’s fist was in his face, slamming into his jaw, his nose, any piece of flesh he could find. He was barely aware of the gasps around him and you’re incessant tugging of his shirt as he grabbed the man by the neck and looked him in the eye.

“If you so much as look at her in any disrespectful way again, I’ll tear you to shreds.”

Then he dropped the man, watching him scramble upright and swear profusely at him- though not a single word or glance was directed at you- before getting the hell out of there.

Satisfied, he turned to find you glaring at him, hands on your hips with a stern look on your face.

Logan held out both his hands in defence. “What?”

“I had that handled.”

Logan grabbed you by the waist and tugged you close, and though you weren’t exactly happy with him you weren’t completely mad either, because the man had been a dick, and let him reel you in.

“I know Bub, I just couldn’t let him get away with calling you that.”

You sighed but pressed your head into his chest and Logan knew he was victorious. “Let’s just get out of here, yeah?”

He raised his eyebrows at you. “Yeah?”

You smirked, “I want to see how wild you get when you’re jealous.”

Logan grinned a purely animalistic smile as he brought you close, pressing his lips against your ear as he whispered roughly, “oh just you wait Sweetheart.”

[lov3notts]

⟡ ݁₊ .Boyfriend’s Enemy!Theo taking an interest in you

warnings: flirting, reader in a establish relationship, no smut (yet)

a/n: i just need to write something about him, he lives in my head rent free. also feel free to send thoughts about him <3

Navigation; m.list; r.r; bf's enemy!theo au; taglist now available

The corridors were mostly empty this late in the evening, the distant hum of students in their common rooms fading into silence. You had just finished helping Professor Sprout with some extra Herbology work—something Cedric usually did with you, but tonight, he had Quidditch practice.

You didn’t mind walking alone. At least, you didn’t until you heard the footsteps behind you.

Slow. Measured. Unrushed.

You didn’t turn around immediately, but you felt it—the way someone was watching you. Following you.

Then came the voice. Smooth, smug, and entirely too amused.

"You shouldn’t walk alone at night, tesoro. Dangerous things lurk in the shadows."

You sighed before turning. "Nott," you said flatly, crossing your arms. "Shouldn’t you be off somewhere making Cedric’s life miserable?"

Theodore leaned against the wall a few paces behind you, hands shoved into the pockets of his robes, looking entirely at ease. He was always like this—calm, confident, like he had already won whatever game he was playing before anyone else even realized they were part of it.

"Now, now," he tsked, pushing off the wall and closing the distance between you. "You wound me. Maybe I’m here for you”

You rolled your eyes. "I highly doubt that."

"Really?" He tilted his head, considering you with that sharp gaze of his. "You’re Diggory’s little prize, aren’t you? Always holding his hand, sitting pretty in the stands during his matches. A perfect little girlfriend."

Something in his tone made your skin prickle—not exactly mocking, but curious, like he was picking you apart, trying to figure something out.

You lifted your chin. "Is there a point to this, Nott?"

He stepped closer. Not enough to be threatening, but just enough that you could smell the faint trace of cologne on him, something dark and expensive.

"You’re feisty," Theo murmured, his lips twitching. "I like that."

Your stomach did something annoying, and you hated that you even had a reaction at all.

Unfortunately, Theo noticed.

His smirk widened just slightly. "Oh," he drawled, eyes flicking over your face like he was committing this moment to memory. "I think I’m going to have fun with you."

You huffed, shaking your head. "If this is your idea of fun, you need a new hobby."

Theo chuckled, low and deep. "Oh, tesoro" he murmured, leaning in just enough that his breath brushed your cheek, "I think you’re my new hobby."

You froze.

And then, just as quickly as he’d appeared, Theo took a step back, his smirk firmly in place.

"See you around," he murmured before turning on his heel, walking away like nothing had happened.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

ᥫ᭡reblog's & comment's are appreciatedᥫ᭡

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©lov3notts ,do not copy, translate or claim any of my writing or works as your own

[grimeshound]

BERLIN NSFW HCS…

masterlist

cw: 18+, degrading, oral (m receiving), brat taming, clit slapping, dumbification, gun play, dom/sub dynamics, exhibitionism, possessiveness, general filth.

a/n: my content warnings get crazier and crazier each post i feel… anyways i will always have such a soft spot for berlin. i need more park haesoo berlin content on tumblr, ao3, anything T_T

—-

• he’s a bully. nothings off the table when it comes to finding creative ways to humiliate you. he’ll put his cigarette butt on you, rub the tip of his boot on your clothed cunt while you’re on your knees, the list goes on.

• ass guy. if you decide to wear short shorts, he won’t even try to hide when he checks you out. don’t ask him the color of ANYTHING.

• brat tamer. piss him off and he’ll either have you bent over his knee or your legs spread wide, not stopping until you’ve learned your lesson. his hand slaps your sensitive clit over and over as you beg, gripping his sleeve for mercy, only for him to shove your hands away with a cold glare.

“shut the fuck up. you wanna keep being a little bitch? then I’ll treat you like one.”

• loves using you as his personal little deskpet. when he tells you to get on your knees, you’re already sliding to the floor beneath his mahogany desk, ready to take him all the way down until you’re choking, tears streaming as his tip brushes the back of your throat.

• gun kink. whether it’s pressing the cold barrel of his pistol against your bare skin while you ride him, or making you lick his gun on your knees while maintaining eye contact, the sight of you getting off on the dangerous weapon is burned into his mind.

• berlin’s thick, unmistakable north korean accent is something he barely acknowledges, but it’s impossible for you to ignore. the way his deep, gravelly voice wraps around his words becomes your undoing. especially when he leans in so close, his breath hot against your ear growling filthy praises and insults while he pounds into you.

“filthy whore. look at you, messy cunt drippin’ all over my slacks.”

• loves it when he’s fully dressed while you’re completely naked. he barely tugs his pants down, just enough to free himself. reveling in the power imbalance and the way your cheeks flush with embarrassment, feeling impossibly more bare under his gaze.

• it drives him crazy just how much smaller you are in comparison to him, how easily he can manhandle you into whatever position he wants—doggy, full nelson, even folding you completely into a mating press.

• berlin thrives on the idea of completely owning you—mind, body, and soul. he loves reducing you to a babbling, cock-drunk mess, so hooked on him that you can’t think of anything else. he’ll claim you in every way imaginable, marking you with his teeth, buying you necklaces engraved with his name, ensuring you’re his in every sense. the thought of you becoming his obedient little doll, existing only to please him, drives him feral.

“good girl… my dumb little dolly, huh? all mine. always mine,” he’d chuckle darkly, his voice thick with satisfaction as he watches you come undone for him.

• quickie enthusiast. with his spontaneous nature, it’s to be expected. berlin has a knack for stealing moments in the middle of his busy schedule, he’ll pull you into a quiet corner and have his way with you before anyone even notices.

• berlin’s biggest fantasy? exhibitionism. the idea of fucking you in front of someone else gets him so damn hard. it doesn’t even have to be a big audience—just the thought of one shitty ex of yours watching you go completely cockdrunk under him while knowing they could never touch you again sends him over the edge. after all, berlin isn’t one for sharing his toys.

[paddockletters]

style pit stop | max verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x reader summary: Max lets you dress him up for a change, showing off a new look at the paddock author´s note: first story with Max, and you have no idea how much I enjoyed it! I've been wanting to write for him for a while, and well, I loved the result and hope you do too.

It started as a casual comment during breakfast in our hotel room, the sun pouring through the windows, illuminating the crisp white sheets of our bed. Max and I were preparing for the upcoming race weekend, and the atmosphere was light, filled with the excitement that always accompanied a race.

“Max, I swear your entire closet is just Red Bull jackets, white T-shirts, and jeans. Nothing else,” I said, leaning over the table, eyeing his typical outfit of the day.

 “I happen to think I’ve got a classic style. Simple and effective.” Max raised an eyebrow, feigning offense.

 “Simple is an understatement. I mean, even AlphaTauri has given you all this fancy stuff to try, and you just let it sit there. Have you even worn half of it?” I rolled my eyes playfully.

“What am I supposed to do with half of that? Wear it to a race? You’d just laugh.” He shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee

“Of course I’d laugh!” I retorted, grinning. “But I’d also help you look better. Bet you wouldn’t let me dress you for one day, then. Try something different.”

 “Fine. I’ll take your bet. But if anyone laughs, you’re paying for dinner.” Max chuckled, clearly intrigued.

Within minutes, I was rummaging through his suitcase, pulling out the neglected AlphaTauri clothes he claimed were “too much effort” to style. I held up a pristine white button-up and slim-fit black trousers, a sleek gray turtleneck, and a pair of black boots that had clearly never seen the light of day.

“Look at this! You could rock this outfit!” I said, holding the turtleneck against his chest.

Max gave me a skeptical look as he reluctantly pulled it on, but I couldn't help grinning as he finally stood up. The way it hugged his frame was… honestly, distracting.

 “It feels kind of tight.” He turned to the mirror, tugging at the sleeves.

“It’s supposed to fit” I insisted, smirking. “Now, for the trousers.”

Max fumbled a bit with the slim black pants, grumbling as he zipped them up.

“I look like I’m about to go to some fancy dinner” he complained, though I could see he was beginning to enjoy the attention.

“Exactly the point” I replied, holding up the leather boots. “And these. They’ll add a bit of height too.”

He scoffed but slipped them on anyway, taking a few exaggerated steps around the room like he was testing new racing boots.

“Happy now?”

“Very” I replied, snapping a quick photo. “Now let’s get to the paddock before you change your mind.”

The reaction at the paddock was priceless. As soon as we stepped in, Lando spotted us and nearly choked on his coffee, doing a double-take.

“Wait, Max… are you actually dressed up? Did y/n have a part in this?”

“Blame her” Max said, giving me a mock glare.

“Mate, I didn’t even know you owned a turtleneck. You look like you’re about to do a TED Talk.” Lando circled him, taking in the outfit.

“Or go to a very exclusive dinner,” Pierre teased, coming up next to us, flashing me a grin. “Nice work, y/n. About time someone taught him some style.”

 “Alright, you’ve all had your fun. Can we please get back to normal now?” Max rolled his eyes, giving me a helpless look.

“Oh, no way,” I laughed, linking my arm with his. “You’re keeping it on all day. And just think, you’re setting new fashion standards for the grid.”

As we entered the Red Bull hospitality, the reactions came in waves: team members did double takes, fans gasped, and then there was Checo, who took one look at Max and immediately burst into laughter.

“Dios mío, Max! I didn’t even recognize you,” Checo said, giving me a grin. “So, y/n finally got her way?”

“Finally?” I echoed, pretending to be offended. “Please, Checo. It wasn’t even that hard. A little style goes a long way.” 

Christian strolled over, eyebrows raised as he took in Max’s look.

“Well, well, Max, didn’t know you had it in you,” he joked, clapping Max on the back. “AlphaTauri’s sales will skyrocket after today. You could be their new poster boy.”

“Honestly, I think we should get her to dress all the drivers. Just imagine how well AlphaTauri would sell with these outfits!” Checo chimed in, a teasing glint in his eyes.

 “I’ll dress all of you if you want. Just wait until I’m done with Max.” I laughed, joining in the fun.

“You’re all too easily impressed. But maybe y/n should take her fashion skills elsewhere and help Checo. He could use the help.” Max smirked, glancing at me

“Oh no, Max, you’re on your own with this one. Besides, I doubt I could pull off the ‘turtleneck model’ look as well as you.” Checo raised his hands in defence, shaking his head with a laugh.

I snickered, nudging Checo playfully.

“Are you sure? I was thinking I could start dressing you and Max in matching outfits. You know, really take this team bonding to the next level.”

Max chuckled, draping an arm around my shoulders.

“You hear that, Checo? Get ready. Y/N’s got big plans for you, too.”

 “If this turns into some kind of Red Bull makeover challenge, I’m blaming both of you.” Christian couldn’t contain his laughter, shaking his head.

Checo leaned in, stage-whispering to me.

“Just don’t get me in that turtleneck, okay? I have a reputation to keep.”

“Noted” I replied with a wink. “But we’ll see what I can do.”

By the time we reached the main area, I was wearing his oversized Red Bull jacket, practically swimming in it, while he strutted around in his AlphaTauri ensemble.

Fans caught on quickly, cameras flashing as they captured the two of us walking arm in arm, with Max.

“Look, there’s your fan club” I teased, nudging him playfully as we passed a group of fans eagerly pointing their cameras at him.

Max smirked, leaning down to whisper.

“I bet they wish I’d dress like this all the time.”

We reached his garage, and one of the engineers gave him an approving nod.

“You clean up well, Verstappen” he commented, giving me a grin. “And y/n, you’re pulling off the Red Bull look better than he does.”

 “Unbelievable. I get roasted in my own team garage?” Max pretended to be offended.

“You’re the one who agreed to this!” I teased, nudging him as we walked further inside.

He shook his head, pulling me closer. “Just remember this next time you’re insisting I need more ‘style.’ I went through a whole day looking like some model just to prove you wrong.”

“Oh, please” I laughed, leaning into him. “Admit it—you loved it.”

Max grinned, brushing a quick kiss to my temple. “Maybe. But only because I have you to make it fun.”

[jacaerysgf]

Your Reflection

summary: rq; when the thoughts jacaerys has had his whole life finally can no longer be pushed down he seeks comfort in you

jacaerys targaryen x non targ!reader

w.c: 1.7k

c.w: just a lot of fluff, angst and some minor smut (oral)

perm jace taglist ! (open) @cruelworldlana @smurfelle @ireneispunk @hxtd @venmondiese @urmomsgirlfriend1 1 @jacesvelaryons s @earth4angels @itsemohours @valdezthg

your head whips around at the slam of your room and you stand with wide eyes at the red eyed prince letting out shaky breaths as he swiftly makes his way towards you.

“jace.”

he pulls you into him and falls onto the bed where he lays on top of you, shoving his head into your neck while he lets out weak sobs. “she is being unreasonable” you place your head in his hair while letting out a deep breath. You knew well of his distain for his mothers idea him having ranted for far too long to you about it earlier that same day, to have the low born men and women attempt to claim dragons. bastards.

it was sensitive for him. you knew this far too well. He had gone to try and convince her to change her mind but clearly he had failed and you tried to come up with words that could bring him comfort. “does she not see how foolish this is? to let those people walk amongst us? those those…” he pulls his head away to look at you as he struggles to speak, his face clearly tormented and painful. “they are undeserving. unworthy. they are mongrels and monsters. born out of wedlock believing themselves to be fit for a role they were not made for,”

“are you talking about them or are you talking about yourself?”

he gulps at your words and his eyes well up, “what claim do i have if they claim a dragon? i do not have the hair, the skin, i am a fraud and everyone knows it. I am mere moments away from being stripped of everything i have left.” his head falls onto your chest as his chest heaves up and down with heavy breaths. “i cannot imagine how you feel. the shame you must feel walking down the halls and people staring at you, married to a bastard.”

You grip his face and make him look at you. Hes shocked to see the furry and angry on your face. “i will hear no more of this. you are jacaerys targaryen son of queen rhaenyra taragryen. heir to the iron throne nobody will contest that not. don’t you dare insinuate i am insulted or shamed to be seen with you it is an honor. everyday i wake up blessed to know i married such an honorable and truthful man and i would have it no other way.”

at this point tears are pouring down his face as he shakes his head finding himself refusing to listen to your words. “you could not possibly mean such a thing.” he whines ever so slightly when you bring your lips to his face and kiss the tears off his face, closing his eyes and he refuses to look at you. “i mean it and more. there is no other better man than you. your heritage means nothing to me. should anybody contest that remember you are a targaryen. they shall pay for their contestation with fire and blood.”

he says nothing in return, simply laying his head on your chest while silent tears continue to run down his face. you did not wish to push him to speak, your hands find the back of his head and play with his hair ever so slightly.

“what if they do contest it?” you peer down at him but he continues to stare at the lit fire in your fire pit. “what if after my mother dies they argue and fight and usurp my throne right under me as they have done her? what if there is another war and more people get hurt what if you,,,” His words end up choked up in his throat as he shakes with sobs, you cant help but feel your own eyes begin to water. He’s scared. just a scared young man who doesn’t wish to lose anyone or anything else.

one of your hands soothe his back as you press a kiss to his forehead while your other one cups his face to wipe away his tears. you cannot say anything to console him, knowing this is an issue that runs deeper into his consciousness than you will ever be able to fix by your lonesome. So when you roll him off you he sits up and stares at you in horror as you begin to walk off. his mouth shakily opens to call after you to beg you to stay but his words die on his tongue and he can just let out a meek gasp.

When you arrive back into the room he has his head in his hands while he cries into them. He looks up at you when you place a leather bag next to and tries to catch his breath. His pupils bounce around your face as your hands grab his top and begin to pull it off of him. He allows you, making no move to stop you despite his confusion. “lay on your stomach.” He pauses sniffing as he folds his hands in his lap. When he doesn’t move your cup his face and press a light kiss against his furrowed brows.

He silently pulls away and rolls to lay on his back as you had asked. He has no clue what you’re doing and almost turns to ask you after theres been no movement or talking from you for a bit until he feels you straddle his back and your hands begin to run through his hair. He can smell the oil on your fingers as you delicately run them throughout his curls. He lets out a pleased hum as your nails scratch into his head.

he does not say anything simply allowing you to shower him in affections he normally does not allow you to. cooing at him and pecking all over his back and head. As you move down to massage his neck and back he finds himself overwhelmed with the display of affection and love you’re showering him with he has no clue what to do or say.

Hes even more so embarrassed when you flip him around and he’s hard as a rock. Hes not even feeling sexual in that moment but he’s body is flighting against him. He whines slightly and wishes he could explain himself but he cant. You dont seem to mind. simply dripping more oil onto his skin and working your hands to ease his tension.

He closes his eyes and tries to will it away while you continue to press kisses onto his chest and stomach but if anything it only gets worse at your pure display of love. He hopes he is not ruining this just as he ruins everything. He has never felt so loved in his life he has never felt so at peace since before the war he wants to live in this feeling forever.

His eyes shoot open when you tug his pants down his legs leaving him completely bare and he looks at you alarmed. You say nothing however simply eyeing him as you kiss around his thighs and massage the parts your lips are not. He is breathless as he watches you. When you suddenly stop your movements and look at him he does not know what to do. “i,, shouldn’t i,,, you should,,” The look you have on your face as him stumbling and stuttering over his words. He’s never like this. He would never allow you to do this to him normally. He would insist he get you off first or even outright forbid you to even do something like this more content with pleasing you.

Yet he cant help but be greedy today, the self centered part of him wins and he finds himself nodding to you. He will regret this later he knows he will but when you peck light kissing along his throbbing cock he throws his head back with a moan without a care in the world. His hands grip at the sheets under him when you tongue at his slit slurping up some of his precum before wrapping your lips fully around him.

He understands why some men who are less honorable as he seek out these pleasures often and he almost wishes he allowed you do to this more often. When your hands come to cup and play with his balls his legs shake and he whimpers. He swears he’s going to rip the bedsheets the way he’s gripping at them. His face burns slightly in humiliation and more so in pleasure. sweat drips down the sides of his forehead into his newly oiled hair as he hips uncontrollable thrust up into your mouth where he spews out and apology but you simply hum around him sending another shiver up his spine.

his whole body is shaking with pleasure. He had already been sensitive and relaxed from your overwhelming intimacy he can barely control himself now. he finds himself chanting your name mixed and mumbled with i love you’s. He releases unexpectedly after some louder groans and moans and his eyes well up again as he watches you swallow it down. “im sorry im sorry.” even when he does allow you to do this he never lets himself release in your mouth fearing it may be too much for you and usually just allows himself to spend on your chest.

You climb up to him and press a loving kiss against his lips. He does not mind he can taste himself on your lips as he presses his lips firmly back against yours. The action speaking louder than any words could. He insist he should do something for you in return but the way his eyes droop and struggle to stay open you know he is mere moments from falling asleep. You smile at him and peck his cheek as you shake your head at him. He tries to argue with falters under your comforting hands and sweet nothings into his ear.

He settles with a faint smile on his face the first one you’ve seen on him in many moons. when you rub your hands on his chest he falls asleep at the comfort but not being letting another i love you slip through his lips. His smile grows when he hears you return it before drifting off to sleep where he knows he’ll meet you there too

[jazjelspen]

my angel baby [part 2]

(alastor w/ angel daughter reader)

[caution: NOT PROOFREAD oh and angst hehe]

(notes: alastor joins charlie and vaggie in heaven to convince them about the hazbin hotel. angel reader physically resembles a fawn. )

[tags: @luujjvi @c-lunette @mokisano @ghostdoodlen @wildfire153 @anonymousewrites @bewitchedbymadness @thisbitchreallyneedssleep @22carolina08 @original-person]

[remember if you want to keep in touch with a particular series I write, let me know in comments or messages you want to be tagged! you will only be tagged once unless specified that you want to be tagged till the end of a particular series!]

(also once again, apologies if alastor’s last name isn’t actually altruist qwq it’ll stick till the end of this fic but I’ll try not to mention it as much)

For the first time in years, you feared being in heaven.

Not that you felt unsafe, just that you felt incredibly uncomfortable seeing your serial killer dad who's now a demon be invited to be in the place where light and goodness is it's main foundation.. even reassuring yourself that it was temporary didn't calm you down when you were flying away from him. For your own sake you even avoided where the welcoming was happening.

Ahh but.. it also didn't help that he was following you around after the show without you knowing.

After the angels had performed their song to welcome in the princess of hell, her apparent partner, and-- him.. everyone sort of went their separate ways and the visitors from below started to relax in their new yet temporary places of stay. You felt a bit of relief when you assumed Alastor would also be setting himself in to relax as well.

During heaven's performance you decided to take a breather at a local coffee shop, one where you thankfully always had a spot there where you could hide away from the huge windows of the cafe.

Although right after that, unbeknownst to you at the time, Alastor was looking for you, but obviously pretended as if he was looking for a good bite to eat.. unfortunately for him he had to behave and he couldn't eat a living walking thing until after they came back home.

Oh how bummed out he was.

You were in a far corner inside the shop, as mentioned before anyone that was able to look in through the windows wouldn't be able to see you since you were out of view. Drinking your favorite beverage that the shop offered and eating a filling snack to relax your body and mind. Safe to say you were now more in touch with your feelings and weren't overly panicked as you once were.

'Why is he here.. is he an advisor to the princess? a companion?.. some kind of servant?.. she's really young though, perhaps she's ward to him or something.. but she has her.. dad.. and I'm sure he must be alive still.. ' You thought, different theories and ideas passing by in and out your head trying to make sense of the situation.

'perhaps.. he's here to see me?..' you hoped, then scolded yourself right after,

'nono.. I can't be wanting that.. sure he raised you but he's a monster. he killed you, _____. get a grip..' you sighed deeply while massaging your temples in frustration 'even if he seemed to not.. have meant to do that. he tried to kill someone else anyway, that poor man could've died instead of you.' you tried to reason with yourself, coming to a single conclusion in the end.

Eyes glued to your drink. staring at it with intensity.

"I regret nothing." you claimed to yourself in a low mumble, not enough for anyone close to hear.

Ahh.. but you did miss him very much.. the version of him that you grew up with at least.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were in your warm and humble home with your father. It was a fairly cold night with rain dropping onto the roof of your home yet the warmth of the house seemed to make the cold seem almost cozy to you.

Your small footsteps could be heard running around the house, as your little seven year old self ran around you seemed to be giggling uncontrollably with a peculiar circular item in your hand.

"No running in the house _____, remember what I told you." Alastor exclaimed in slight irritation as he could hear you from afar while he was cleaning up the table from the dinner you two just had, he started slightly missing the times when you didn't know how to walk and when you simply just blabbered baby nonsense.. he definitely doesn't miss the sleepless nights of baby crying though.

You huffed and puffed as you then plopped the item on the sofa, it was a disk, a record. You then climbed yourself up and once your little body landed on the cushions you then picked yourself up once more to then grab the disk and turn to the small table right beside the sofa where a large phonograph rested on.

"Papa!" you exclaimed, "Papa! Music music!.." you pleaded, your little voice begging to once again turn on the music playing machine.

Alastor faintly chuckled at your little demands, amusing how such a small thing dares to command but nonetheless he found it silly at how you tried. "Yes yes my dear, I'll be right there." He then set the last few dirty dishes away to be cleaned soon since he couldn't say no to listening to some tunes before bed.

You smiled brightly as your little feet playfully tapped on the cushions, almost jumping. Noticing your developing excitement Alastor hurried over to you.

"Ah-ah-ahh, no jumping on the sofa my dear. I'm excited as well but I can't have you break your little head open, that'd be no fun at all!" Well.. that and he didn't wanna ruin his cushions, but nonetheless he cared for your wellbeing the most even if he wasn't fond of admitting it.

His hands gently took the disk from your hands, carefully setting the disk on the phonograph to have it play your favorite tunes. Once you two heard the amazing first few notes of jazz was when Alastor settled down beside you on the sofa and you started clapping in delight.

Alastor looked at you almost fondly, letting out a small huff of delight at your reactions. Your innocence seemed to be something that contained him from wanting to continue his murder spree, although his bloodlust always wins in the end, he seems to always willingly pause his life for you.

Plus, he loves jazz just as much as you do.. why would he miss out on this?

Your fit of giggles dwindled down but didn't stop, in a sudden burst of energy you jumped off the sofa and then started dancing similarly yet obviously a bit more goofy to how you've seen couples and single dancers dance in the nights of Mardi Gras or just parties your father took you when he would be invited. Your little dance moves seemed to be fiddled with confidence yet they were so off from what you were trying to attempt, nonetheless you were happy, and that's what Alastor secretly liked to see.

"Dance with me papa dance with me!" you pleaded again, your smaller hands grabbing his larger one and tugging at it, trying to get him to stand up.

"_____ darling no tugging, besides I just sat down my dear and I'm exhausted." He sighed, his constant smile always present yet he was visibly a bit tired from the day he had.

But oh how you persisted, and how darn adorable you were as a kid. "But papaaa!.. pretty please! I wanna dance how you and that singing lady did the last time we went on those big loud places!"

"Parties, dear." he corrected you, but let out a long sigh and got up. Because no matter how tired he was or how annoyed he seemed to be he didn't mind keeping you happy.

So that's what he did, he danced with you. Swinging you, twirling you around to the melody and the beat, your cheers of glee and uncontrollable laughter motived him to keep up with your excitement. Not only that but your smile, genuine and pure, it was what he needed to get himself to match your energy. Jazz music was what always connected you two and it always brought you together no matter what.

At the end of the song Alastor ended it by gently throwing you up in the air and catching you, letting you get your last giggles out. You both laughed together, your bond ever growing stronger. You truly did tame this bloodthirsty killer without even trying or knowing, of course you were too young to know.

Once the giggle frenzy ended you both finished your dancing with a long sigh, the phonograph ending it's segment. You then suddenly yawned and rested your head in the crook of his neck over his shoulder, snuggling for warmth and for a sudden need to sleep.

"Seems like my little fawn needs sleep now, almost past your bedtime young lady." Normally he'd scold you a bit more strictly as he usually did, but seeing as how you were basically ready to fall into a pile of dreams he just felt no need to do that.

"Sorries papa.. I forgot.." your little words muffled by your face hidden in his neck.

Alastor was never one for being touched, let alone hugged or snuggled. Oh but he had no right to complain, he's had you this close since you were a baby.. to him this just felt normal now.

Of course no one but you could be this close to him, you're his little girl after all.

"No need to worry, my dear." He stopped in front of your bedroom, carefully opening the door with a creak following after. With careful footsteps he walked towards your bed, pulling the blanket away to then gently place you on your cozy sheets with care.

Alastor gently moved any misplaced hairs away from your face as he then pulled your soft and warm blanket up to your neck. Your sleeping face reassuring him.

"Sweet dreams sweetheart." His usual smile softening a bit more before backing away and slowly heading towards the door of your room, lingering for a few extra seconds to take one last look at you before slowly closing the door and heading off to bed himself.

After the click of the door closing can be heard, you mumbled "Goodnight papa.." with a smile, even if in the end Alastor didn't get to hear it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You missed him, dearly.

A weight fell on your chest, your eyes begging to form tears. You missed when you had that childhood innocence, when you didn't know what he was capable of, when he was nothing but a saint to you.

It still hurt after all these years, you thought he was a good man.. a bit strict, blunt, a bit too true to himself and definitely peculiar but.. the Alastor that raised you would never do that. Until you were obviously proven otherwise.

Oh but I guess you were too into your reminiscing that you didn't notice the background gasps and small shrieks of surprise and fear, and you didn't yet feel the eventual stares and eerie presence right in front of you.

"What don't you regret, my dear?"

You choked on your drink in surprise almost spitting it out,

that fucking radio voice again.

For heaven's sake how did he find you?? He couldn't have seen you through the windows. Did he follow you??.. did you just not notice.. Oh geez maybe getting used to having your guard down during all your years in heaven definitely didn't help with this situation.

You continued coughing on your drink, even punching your chest a bit to get that last good cough out. The radio demon pulled the chair in front of you to sit across from you, not waiting to ask permission.

To him he didn't need to, he's your father after all.

Once you calmed down you immediately avoided eye contact, only giving him a once second glance to confirm it was him in hopes your ears were playing a trick on you-- they weren't.

"How.. how'd you find me.." you mumbled in slight fear.

"Oh how would I not! Sweetheart I'm your father of course, as your father I must have those parental instincts.. I always know where you are!" he exclaimed, seemingly proud of this.

"I'm guessing those 'parental instincts' didn't kick in when you stabbed me, huh." you spat with attitude, unafraid to be rude to him with so much sin he's committed.

A sharp static sound came from him, as if in slight shock at the disrespect and comeback you gave. "Watch the attitude young lady, you're still an Altruist you know."

You scoffed, hating at how indifferent you felt about your last name.

"Not by blood though.."

"I raised you, don't forget that." he spat back, starting to get irritated.

"And because of that I owe you?"

"Yes, yes indeed! Smart girl you are."

You scoffed at his response, finally getting the guts to look at him in the face. His appearance frightened you, disgusted you even.

Is this truly the man that raised you?

"As a matter of fact, I actually don't." you crossed your arms in annoyance and a huff. Your eyes couldn't help but to slowly drift to off to the people behind him and you see fellow angels you know continue to stare in awe or fear, of course at Alastor. With all eyes on you and mostly him it made you feel a little embarrassed. You cowered down a bit and your wings went over your head and shoulders a bit as if to hide you behind a 'curtain' of sorts.

Alastor obviously noticed this, but could care less about the stares.

You sighed, "Look, Alasto--"

"I think you mean to call me 'father'." he interrupted as he obviously seemed a bit sassy about it. "Even 'dad' is just simply fine and dandy with me!"

"No, I can't," you frowned, wishing you could "I won't. Not after what you did to me, to that man that night, and to every other poor soul you hurt."

Your face slowly scrunched up in disgust "You don't deserve my forgiveness, my mercy."

In embarrassment and feeling tears want to shed you grabbed your drink and got up to walk out, before you could get past Alastor though he grabbed your wrist harshly.

"Uh-- hey.. let go--"

"I didn't mean to do what I did, my dove." His voice turned into a weird version of gentle, almost uncharacteristically gentle. "I never intended to take your life away."

He sounded genuine.

Could he?.. Would he?..

Maybe, just maybe--

"No." you spat, "Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me, but you definitely meant to hurt others. That's something I can't forgive and I'm sure your victims wouldn't neither." you glared at him, setting your foot down. "I refuse to call you my father, not until I know that you repent for your sins but knowing you I highly doubt that." You snatched your wrist away and for a slight second you stopped caring about what others thought when they'd see this "Besides, you killed me two weeks after I turned eighteen.. don't even include the years that passed since the 30s and present time so clearly you can't control me anymore old man."

But Alastor wouldn't go down that fast nor easily.

His sharp smile widened, you felt immense dread.

"Oh little one, no matter how far you are or how much you try to disown me you are forever connected to me. I made you who you are and you can try to run and fly off however long you want but in the end you're tied to me whether you like it or not. Even in death."

He seemed deathly serious with his statements so much so that you could've sworn you could see his shadow giggling and smirking in a way that seemed even worse and more than evil.

Your breath quietly hitched in fear in noticing this to the point where it even forced you to take a step back. He let out a sinister chuckle before you couldn't help but speed out of the shop and flew out.

You couldn't handle him, he was shameless when showing this side of him.. how could he be this shameless and normal?? How could he act like this and be proud about it? He killed people and doesn't regret it, you being the only exception just didn't feel right and it wasn't fair!

Not to you.

He may have been able to silently control you and vaguely manipulate you to believe he was anything but a bad person back when you were alive and young but now your eyes are wide open and so is your heart.

You have such a bad feeling about this whole thing, he was up to no good he just couldn't be-- he had to be using the princess as an excuse to do something shitty.

Good thing you had plenty of connections, if you just played your cards right...

Hey.. wasn't there something about a court meeting happening soon?

On the other hand Alastor stayed sitting there still chucking devilishly, his intentions and true feelings smeared and unclear.

With a snap of his fingers a cup of black coffee appeared and he began drinking it with a sense of casual glee and eyes closed in delight. Until he felt eyes on him, two nearby to be exact. He opened one eye to look at the angels staring at him and they both seemed like more biblically accurate angels, both having one eye and all. The radio demon shot them an evil grin.

"Oh adolescents these days, rebellious aren't they." He cackled before going back to drinking his coffee, the angels creeped out by his interaction soon scurried away from him.

The fear. He enjoyed it, just not really from you.

(thank you all who asked for part 2!! of course I had to deliver since you all really wanted it and honestly I love adding flashbacks to memories Alastor and the reader had when they were alive, makes their ending on earth just that more painful (as if it wasn't clear I love angst). Honestly I don't mind making more parts for this! If the demand is consistent and you guys still want to keep up with it I have a few ideas to keep this going! Once again thank you so much for reading!! Now I must finish writing for other stories lolllll!)

(p.s: i highly recommend listening to any mitski song while reading this I think it fits well especially with the flashback scene hehe)