#not to mention; I’d be taking material from variety streams

[matchaflavored]

would you all support me if I redid my treyrid manifesto (crazy)

[faunahudson]

love in a bottle | sauna

WHO: Sawyer Hudson and Fauna Hudson - @sawyer-hudson

WHEN: 14th of February 

WHERE: Hudson Apartment and the Beach

WHAT: Sawyer and Fauna do a cute valentines gift exchange

WARNINGS: too much cute

Though not their first Valentine’s Day together, Sawyer wanted their first one as as claimed couple to be as special as he could. Admittedly, he got this idea from TikTok, and fully knowing Fauna would have seen it, made sure to have a back-up surprise for her. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” He greeted her when she came back from her workout with Alexis, a peck on her lips. “Fancy walking Bingley on the beach? Show off our amazing loving family?”

Fauna had never liked Valentine’s Day before Sawyer, usually she’d just bought a Tesco’s box of chocolate coated strawberries, watched Pride and Prejudice and called it a night. But now she couldn’t help but love the cheesy movies, the heart shaped balloons and the over large stuffed animals. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” She responded happily, unable to stop herself from stealing a second peck. “I’d love to handsome, let me just change my hoodie. You mind getting our precious son ready to go?”

He laughed against her lips. "I'm sorry, who's hoodie?" He asked teasingly, pinching the familiar material momentarily, before letting go. "Of course, take your time." Sawyer said, stroking her hair and pressing a kiss against it, leaving the room to come face to face with Bingley, sitting up excitedly as if he already knew something good was happening today. "Hey buddy, c'mon, shall we go to the beach?" Sawyer asked in his 'dog-dad' voice, grinning when Bingley barked back as if to say yes. Once they were ready and waiting for Fauna, he scooped up the large dog as if he were a small puppy. "You think I can sneak you into the Valentine's Day party tonight?" He asked him, who whined in response. "Maybe dress you like a little cupid? You'll be stealing hearts if I do that."

“Oh yes.. Our hoodie.” Fauna responded with a wink. “I’m always telling you Sir, you’re more than welcome to borrow my clothes.” The little brunette teased before slipping back into their room. She ended up stripping off all of her clothes when she got through, deciding she looked like a sweaty mess. Trading them in for a fresh sports bra, his HUDSON hoodie from high school and some leggings. She leaned against the door watching him momentarily with their dog. “God you two are cute? You sure you don’t want to just spend valentines together?” She teased lightly.

“If you wanted me in a little crop top and skirt you should have dressed me that way for Switch Week,” Sawyer had teased in response. He let out a low whistle at the image of her in his high school hoodie, an affectionate grin on his face at how much she drowned in it. “I mean as amazing as a date Bingley would be,” He said, “I also think he’d get too overexcited at the chocolates being passed around campus today and we don’t want an emergency trip to the vet do we buddy?” He asked the dog who just barked in response, wiggling to indicate he wished to be released. Sawyer set him down and he raced towards Fauna, almost toppling her over with the sheer strength he had. “Hey buddy calm down we don’t walk you knocking your mom over,” He warned lightly, before reaching over to Fauna, planting a kiss on her cheek as he steadied her from being knocked off her feet by their dog.

Fauna giggled when he whistled at her as he spotted her. “If you like this you should see what I’ve got planned for later.” She told him thinking of the heart covered lingerie set and cute valentines dress she had tucked away. His affectionate worrying about Bingley made her smile even softer. “No your Mom would like to avoid taking you to the vet for anything but check ups.” She agreed, bracing herself a little as the dog raced over to her, running her fingers over his silky ears. Grateful when he steadied her. “Bingley is the only soul alive I wouldn’t be jealous of if you took them as a date.” She told him as they headed for the beach. “Otherwise it would be a trip to mermaid lagoon im afraid.”

"I can't wait to to see it," Sawyer promised her, "Honestly I'm...intrigued by this party. What can be done with a unlimited amount of money the hostess has." He didn't know Sugar all that well, but from her brief stint dating Finn, and her interactions in general, she tended to just throw money around without a care in the world, Even with his own new-found wealth, Sawyer and Fauna knew how to budget, and did their ball with a spending limit, so he was interested in what a party with no budget would look like. He let out a sigh when the hard concrete of the path turned into the soft sand these beaches were famous for, and he took a moment to appreciate how lucky he got, how amazing his life was. He laughed at Fauna's threat, pulling her in closely. "You know I wouldn't be able to stand by as you took various prospects under, so maybe be a bit more sneaky." He said with a wink.

Fauna nodded. “I’m beyond hype to go to this Sugar Motta party, girl bought a lemon farm on a whim.. I’m sorta imagining giant heart cookies like the one from bridesmaids.” She explained, squeezing his hand just a little as they reached the beach in their secret message to one another. Giggling just a little as he pulled her into his side. “Oh Sir.. you don’t think I’d be silly enough to tell you where I was going.” The little submissive smiled. “I’d take the Wendy Bird or Lad somewhere nice and quiet to drown them. Then I’d come home and tell you how handsome you were and just how much I loved you.” She declared. “Honestly though, I’m so lucky to have you and not have to share you.”

Sawyer laughed. “I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it was more of an Alice in Wonderland, Queen of Hearts situation.” He said, imagining everywhere having a love heart caricature placed on it somehow, including warped furniture shaped like it. “It’ll be nice though, and it’s good that Rory and Finn have a gig too.” He mentioned. As much as he enjoyed teasing her about her willingness to do whatever it took to keep Sawyer to herself, the Dominant knew he’d do the same for Fauna. The idea of anyone else having her saddened him, and he felt comfort that they were on similar wavelengths. “I’m so lucky not to have to share you either, we’re Fauna-and-Sawyer, there’s no want, need or space for a third party.” He squeezed her hand back. “Wanna bet who’s faster catching a frisbee, you or Bingley?” He then asked, grabbing the plastic disc out of the backpack he carefully put together late last night.

Fauna made a little hum of interest. “I mean I would like to see that, especially if they had a variety of jam filled cakes and treats. I love strawberry jam.” She said hopefully, as she pictured playing cards dangling from the ceiling and Sugar in a large gold crown. “It is good, it always makes me happy when someone gives them a gig. DFS is one of Rorys big passions and.. well... I always like to see him up and doing something he enjoys.” The little brunette replied, he probably didn’t realise just how much she enjoyed his little confirmation that he only ever wanted her. That she was more than enough. “Nope, just you and me forever oh love of mine. Besides there’s no room in the bed now that Bingley keeps trying to sleep in between us. I woke up to get a glass of water the other night and he had his paws on my shoulders.” She giggled, and then glanced at the frisbee forever competitive even with the dog. “I mean he has stronger legs.. so he has an unfair advantage.”

"Are you hinting at wanting some strawberry jam?" Sawyer asked with a large smile, "Because I'm sure there's like...an ocean-side café somewhere that does the whole British afternoon tea thing with strawberry jam and scones," He pointed out, gesturing a bit further up the beach,"and I think there could be an outdoor table if we schmooze enough on this fine day of St. Valentine." "The band's really good, and if they're wanting to take it to the next level, it's perfect exposure for them." The Dominant agreed, pouting at the dog as Fauna describe their sleeping arrangements, "He's very affectionate, but he's the laziest pup known to man, his whining when I take him out on a morning is reminiscent of having to get you up for your workouts with Alexis." He alaughed, "I think you stand a fair chance against him," Sawyer disagreed, "Even if you don't, he likes to be chased." And with that he flung the frisbee down the beach. "Fetch!" He called out with a laugh.

“I mean I wasn’t.. it was more of just a stream of consciousness.. but now that you mention it that sounds so cute Sir!” The submissive responded excitedly, skipping just a little at the thought of getting to sit in a little ocean side cafe with him having a cream tea. “I’m sure that with the power of our love and a small green tip we can make it happen. I’ll show you the proper order for putting the jam and cream on your scone.” Fauna responded excitedly, thinking that she would also insist on cutting his scones into heart shapes. “He’s just a baby, he can’t help being tired!! He needs his sleep.” The brunette defended, reaching down with a little hand to pet over their dogs head again. “Hmm. Well yes he does like to be chased.” She agreed, and then took off down the beach after the frisbee. Bingley chased enthusiastically out in front, and got there long before her.

Sawyer laughed, "I'd hope so, I wouldn't want to embarass you for eating one incorrectly," He teased. "Maybe there'll even do a puppucino for that one," He mused, "He needs to get up like everybody else." Sawyer's heart burst everytime he saw the affection for the dog in Fauna's eyes, hearing it in her voice, and he was so grateful to have her in his life. That fate brought them together, and gave them this life. Sure it wasn't perfect, it wasn't idyllic, because they were human and had to face challenges and issues. But they got thse moments, that both worked extremely hard for, and for that he would do anything to get another one, and another day with her. When she was distracted chasing Bingley, he got the other item out of his backpack, an aged bottle that was inspired by a TikTok he saw. He had placed a note in it, including writing out one of his favourite poems, aged it with a teabag, furling it over with a bracelet that had their birthstones on it, intertwined together. He also included a loveheart charm to represent the day, to be added to her collar, and a small pick 'n' mix bag of sweets Rory helped him pick out. He ran up to place it on the shore, packing wet sand around it, before running back to his usual spot, just as Bingley came racing back, bounding up to him, almost knocking him out with the frisbee he managed to collect.

Fauna leaned up on her toes and kissed the underside of his chin affectionately. "You could never embarrass me Sir, I knew what I was getting into when I chose an American as my forever." She'd stopped herself from saying boyfriend, because it always seemed a little too insignificant for what she felt for Sawyer. He was so much beyond just a boyfriend or even her Dominant, he'd showed her what it meant to be happy, how to be more healthy and helped her to find her voice and beyond loving him she was just so grateful to him for all of that. Bingley of course had gotten to the frisbee long before her, but he gave her an affectionate nudge on his way back to Sawyer as if to say. 'Come on Mom'. She chased him back, breathless by the time she returned to the tall boy. "He beat me.. obviously." The little submissive pouted. "But it wasn't a competition." She specified to herself, leaning against Sawyer. "Honestly it's good I do Alexis' hell work outs so I can keep up with our bouncy son."

Sawyer smiled fondly at Fauna’s little reminder, mostly to herself, that the chase with the dog was not a competition, and he leaned down to kiss her on the top of her head. “Well second place is still good,” He assured her, “it is just our luck we’d have the world’s most hyperactive dog but I wouldn’t change it for the world.” He thought back to how shy and timid Bingley was the day they brought him home from the shelter and how he blossomed from a nervous animal to their boisterous boy they had grown to love. He took Fauna’s hand, glancing at where the bottle was placed, wondering the best way for her to notice it without being too obvious.

Fauna decided not to disagree with Sawyer on the subject of second place still being good, mostly because she believed that her Dominants attitude was better than her own when it came to competitions. "I mean we're both energetic people, so it's good he ended up with us. It'd be sad if he was with people who didn't take him for long runs and wrestle him in the living room. But I'll be honest I canne believe you were worried he might not want to run with you." The girl giggled, petting over their dogs ears. Leaning against Sawyer as he took her hand.

"I believe in fate and destiny," Sawyer mentioned with a shrug, "I just know we were meant to end up with him." He laughed at her comment about his worries regarding him running, reaching down to give their dog a ruffle on the back of his neck, tossing the frisbee again for him to chase after, making sure to pull Fauna closer so she knew not to chase after it this time. "Hindsight is a wonderful thing," He told her, glancing over to the bottle where it had caught the sun, shimmering like a rare jewel. If she didn't notice it soon enough, he would have no choice but to pick it up himself for her, and tell her, gently, she might need her glasses prescription strengthened.

Fauna nodded. “I didn’t used to, but the longer I’ve been with you.. the longer I do.” She told him honestly, it wasn’t an entirely new sentiment. She’d described in detail to him her tween optimism that had melted into teenage nihilism after Charlotte, which somehow had come full circle back to total and utter belief since she’d found him. “It is-“ She started before she followed his eyeline and saw something glinting. “Is that for me?” She asked excitedly, before she pulled him over. Kneeling in the sand to pull the things out. Carefully brushing the sand off, and making a gentle. “Oh.” Of excitement when she saw the bracelet and note inside. “Sir this is so lovely.” She said affectionately, as she went to uncork it. Gently running her fingers over the outside.

Even though he had heard it a thousand times in a thousand different ways, Sawyer would always feel a bit of his heart break when Fauna alluded to her past. The suffering, the torture, how people didn't even treat her with basic decency and dignity. But today wasn't about recalling the bad times, it was about celebrating the good times, and the love they had shared within these past couple of years. Whatever she was about to say was lost on both of them when she noticed the gift, and he couldn't help but laugh as she dragged him over with excitement, watching her reactions carefully. "I can't take credit for the idea, but I think you like the sentiment of us living out a Tik Tok more than anything," He teased. "And don't worry, I have another bottle chilling in the fridge for you back home full of something you do like, if you're not satisfied with this one."

Fauna waved her hand when he said that he couldn't take credit for the idea, eagerly getting on her knees in the wet sand to pull out of the note and read through the poem with a little smile on her face. Rolling the bracelet onto her wrist, she held it up to let it sparkle in the light. "You made it so much better though and I do love the idea of us living out a Tik Tok. I'll totally be posting about this later" She encouraged, carefully running her finger over the bracelet now on her wrist. "These are our birthstones right?" The brunette quizzed, and then squeaked when she saw the charm for her collar. "Thank you so much Sir! You've got me so many things. I love them." Standing up, she stood on her tip toes so he knew she wanted to kiss him. "Almost as much as I love you."

Sawyer often had moments where he wished he could capture it all in a photograph, or some sort of living memory similar to the pensieve in the Harry Potter series. This was definitely one of them, watching Fauna's eyes light up in wonder as she navigated through the contents of the bottle. "I'll look forward to all the thirst traps on my Book Tok account," He teased. Sawyer had relented a while ago, and agreed to have Fauna make him a TikTok, originally just for him to post recommendations and literary memes, but had somewhat snowballed to a lot of unhinged comments, especially once they had made the connection he and Fauna were a couple. "Yes," He confirmed, "I think the colours really compliment each other well. It's as if the universe is telling us something," Sawyer winked, leaning down to kiss her at her signal. "I love you too."

Fauna carefully put the poem and the charm back into the bottle not wanting to lose them in the sand, slipping the candy into her pocket for later. "I mean you are the king of the literary thirst trap.. You should see the comments under the Darcy hand clench." She teased back happily, before kissing him long and hard. Using her new advantage to wrap her legs around his waist, and arms around his neck so that she was clinging to him like a little koala. "I'm somewhat sure that our names are written in the stars somewhere." She told him honestly, running her hand over his face. "I didn't think to bring your present to the beach, but it is wrapped up very nicely for you at home."

Sawyer could feel himself blush at the mention of the scene, thinking back to how amazed at how much his phone could blow up at just random people on TikTok thirsting over him. But he didn't care about any of that, when he had Fauna here with him. The only person he'd ever need, really, wrapped around him like he was, as certain people would say, a giant tree creature. "You know the whole 'written in the stars' phrase is a misquote," He said, before he could stop himself, "From Julius Caesar, the play, I don't know if he actually said the quote. But I agree, we were truly destined for each other. I can't wait to get us home then," He said with a chuckle, "You do have the better wrapping."

Fauna kissed both of his cheeks all along his jaw and chin for good measure and then looked at him with interest. “Oh?” She responded. “What’s the real quote then? My tutor would be super ashamed of me if I was misquoting.” The little brunette teased, whistling for Bingley who had been rolling around in the sand. “It’s the surgeon hands, they make me very precise and steady with most things.” She explained, lifting one hand from around his neck to show him. “Though I didn’t actually really wrap these gifts, I found these really cool 1960’s Valentine’s chocolate boxes online and used them instead.”

It was as if it was an automatic response, Sawyer's eyes fluttering shut in serenity whenever Fauna's lips made contact with his face. An action so soft, proving how safe he felt with her, how much he trusted her completely. "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings," He quoted, "As said by Cassius in Julius Caesar. Is it fate that drives us to do things, or a weakness within us as humans to act against our will? The phrase has been quoted and misquoted so many times, analysed to the point of exhaustion, it somehow led to 'written in the stars', which I prefer anyhow." He laughed at her explanation, watching her hands carefully, as if they'd do some sort of trick to prove they were surgeon hands. "That does sound cool, let's hope there wasn't any chocolate inside when you received them. 50 year old chocolate does not sound like the most delicious Valentine's treat."

Fauna listened to him quoting with rapt attention, Sawyer always claimed he was a terrible actor but the little brunette didn't really think that could be true. Not with the way that he read things, with such rich and deep emotion. Despite her interest in literature she'd never much cared for Shakespeare until she learned that Sawyer could quote it by heart, now she took every opportunity to hear the century old words. "I like it both ways." She confessed. "I especially like the quote about human weakness.. very earth shattering." She giggled, tapping him on the nose with the end of her finger. "There wasn't no, and someone had cleaned them well because they smell all perfumey."

He squeezed her hand as she confessed her preference for both analyses, because that's what he truly loved about literature. No one opinion was set in stone, and everything could be open to interepreation. "Me too, keeps me grounded." Sawyer admitted, often using this quote his own reminder that he didn't have to be mythologically strong to be perfect. That it was human to make mistakes sometimes. "Ah, vintage perfume. I wonder if it'll remind me of my grandma." He wondered, "You know the one, visited at Thanksgiving? Definitely where Finn's inherited such a unique train of thought." He teased.

Fauna smiled softly as he squeezed her hand, always feeling a sort of warmth low in her chest when he did so. “Of course that’s what you think of to keep yourself grounded.” She smiled fondly, wondering how she got so lucky. “Ah yes! Lovely Lady definitely gave me an insight into where Finn came from. Did not understand that I was joking about the placemats looking good enough to eat.” The submissive remembered. “You want me to walk back to the apartment or am I getting a free ride?” She asked, fluttering her lashes a little for her preferred outcome.

Sawyer laughed. "In all fairness, we all know you will eat absolutely anything, no matter what," He teased, "I believe when we first met you even referred to yourself as a raccoon?" He squeezed her hand back, feeling completely enamoured with her in this moment, maybe just slightly influenced by the love in the air this Valentine's. At her hinting, Sawyer playfully rolled his eyes. "I think I can arrange a ride for you," He said with a shrug, as if he hadn't completely given in, "Piggyback, shoulder carry, or bridal carry, Kitten?"

She giggled along with him, though she also gave his arm a playful poke. “I mean it’s true I am a racoon, and I will eat basically anything.. except I’ve discovered that I fully detest that spray cheese in a can that you have in this country.. I’m half convinced that it isn’t for human or raccoon consumption.” The little brunette responded, her thumb smoothing over the back of his hand. “Bridal, I want to be able to look into those beautiful brown eyes of yours.” She told him with a slightly love sick smile.

Sawyer laughed, the spray can of cheese a fond snack for him in his youth, he and Finn bringing disgust to the rest of the clan for how much of the stuff they could put away. “Probably not,” He agreed, “but I enjoy it.” At her request, the Dominant bowed, before sweeping her up without further warning. “Anything for you, Ms. Hudson.” He said, making sure he was supporting her correctly, before leaning down for a kiss. “I love you so much. Thank you for an excellent Valentine’s Day so far.”

Fauna wrinkled her nose in disgust. "You know it's true love when you still desire him even after he declares his love for spray cheese.." She admitted and then giggled as he swept her off her feet, Bingley barking excitedly as he did so. Accepting the kiss with a little sigh of delight. She really hoped that he would like the jacket as much as she thought that he would. "I love you more than I could ever tell you, thank you for my gorgeous presents."

He playfully nudged her for her comment, smirking a little when her smart-mouth elicited a squeal instead, trying to manoeuvre carrying her safely, and keeping Bingley from excitedly jumping up on Fauna's lap to also be carried. And though it was a moment of chaos, it was absolutely perfect all the time. "Thank you for accepting them, and even though I haven't seen mine yet, I'm sure they're amazing and I love them as well." He promised her, playing with a tendril of her hair. "Onwards?"

Fauna clung a little more tightly to her boyfriend as he moved her away from their dogs eager paws, and nodded with a peaceful and fond express. "I mean if you don't love them, I'm lucky enough to have a very talented mouth that's basically a get out of jail free card for all gift giving." She joked and then just looked at him for a moment, silently thanking whatever cosmic force had allowed him into her life. "Onwards." She agreed with a grateful sigh.

Sawyer rolled his eyes at her teasing. "That's very true, and I am very appreciative for that little mouth of yours." He promised her, whistling at Bingley to follow as he carried them away from the beach. "I hope my mouth has the same talents, as I don't think I'll be able to top it next Valentine's Day." He joked.  "Yes, Ms. Hudson." He said, with a playful eye roll, content and happy with where their life was, at this current moment.

[royalreef]

(( ENJOY A MASSIVE POST ABOUT MERFOLK TAXONOMY, because biology has long been my BIGGEST special interest ( yes I’m including paleontology under this, I know it’s more considered an earth science and part of geology, shush ).

Merfolk as a whole are a part of an ancient group of animals that diverged from basal amniotes around the same time amniotes themselves came about, 312 mya (million years ago). I say about, because I haven’t fully decided where exactly to put them in this case, whether they’re fully counted as amniotes or no, and I still need to do a large amount of research into this.

I classify this split as happening there, as opposed to somewhere else, because merfolk are obviously tetrapods, and have some adaptations for full land living that amniotes have, though the merfolk themselves are fully adapted for a watery niche. Their eggs certainly were carried internally for a long time, so there’s probably some convergent evolution to how mammalian live birth happened, hence all the more reason to put them under amniotes, but they’re definitely not synapsids and thus definitely not mammals.

These early ancestors also retained their gills and ability to breathe water. They do have lungs too, and conceptually they filled a very fluid niche, where they had to be able to rapidly switch from aquatic life to terrestrial life, with most being oppurtunists who used this wide variability to be able to get a wider variety of food and resources that other animals couldn’t.

I will say these early ancestors mostly resembled newts/salamanders or small lizards, and somewhere along the line they independently evolved scales, both for providing armor and for retaining water when they were on land, along with all the other reasons to evolve scales. 

( Ideally, I’d say they never evolved hair, but considering that I can’t fully redesign Miranda for this blog for fear of inability to use my icons and basically making her fully an OC, she has to keep the hair on her head. Her eyebrows are a maybe, since I joke aplenty about them just being markings or her drawing them on. Landfolk get weird when they see her without any eyebrows, so she has to appear to have them! )

They also generally retained the same amount of digits as other tetrapods, so that’s how Miranda has five fingers still, though merfolk lost one of the toes on their feet, bringing that total down to four.

And yes, all of this does mean that merfolk have plenty of ancestors in deep time that probably fossilized and could be found by even human scientists, but they’re probably thought of in this world as an offshoot of tetrapods that has no extant relatives, with what fossils remain being sparse or incomplete, or even caught in nomen dubium hell. Certainly they weren’t featured in this world’s Jurassic Park, that’s for sure, and if they are represented it’d be in something like ARK.

This also does mean that there are plenty of ancestors that fell into more unique or odd niches, with stranger body plans or something much more different from the rest. 312 mya is a long time, after all! Lots of time for there to be more experimental species, though they didn’t pan out in the long run.

So, with merfolk themselves, I generally have the idea of them as coming from a branch of that tree that hung around the ocean’s edge, sticking closer to the shoreline than the mer alive today, though they were oddly social for a tiny, lizard-like species, probably already communicating through small squeaks and chirps. Lizardy kinda sounds. They spend a good amount of their time on rocky shores and cliffs, so they’re good at climbing over and up them. Likely already had something akin to their fins on the sides of their face, used for communication and display, along with pushing additional water over their gills, or maybe even the fins being used in addition to the gills to extract extra oxygen from the water is basal to merfolk, but only the abyssals really retained most of that feature.

As token as it sounds, I think the K/T extinction event was probably what pushed them to evolve into the branch that became merfolk. The death of much larger marine creatures opened up the ability to go more fully ocean-bound, and to take over a role akin to marine reptiles in the past and the marine mammals that were also evolving at that time, but with the addition of having gills to not have to surface for oxygen.

Their evolution from that point probably was a bit like primates - lots of trying out different shapes and styles, more of that basal form than true merfolk, except their roles being out competeted or otherwise led to extinction, until you get the “true” merfolk - which would occur with a focus on social behavior and language, along with tool use, as was the bonus to being a tetrapod that went back into the ocean but never lost their hands.

This is where we get to the merfolk family tree. I’d say probably the first mer was mid-size, generally had all of the traits of the merfolk you see today, very general, but very adaptive.

The abyssal (royal) merfolk were probably the first to branch off. Their tails resemble mosasaurs’ and early icthyosaurs’ a lot, having a much larger lower lobe of their tail where the bone is, and the upper lobe, being all fleshy, isn’t too pronounced. They went down into the deep sea, branching off early from the rest of the merfolk, and thus were generally super isolated from the rest, which you can see today in how the Merkingdom itself generally is conducted.

There are plenty of other species of merfolk, however, and the abyssals (and Miranda) are not representative of the entire group. There’s a lot of different takes on the same body plan, with different niches and different adaptations and different types of behavior associated with each. They’re all super vocal and adapted to be able to hear well, so that’s also basal to the group, but that also means when they all started forming their own societies and cultures and general settlements, it’s even weirder than how humans do it.

Effectively, merfolk are a lot like the homonid family tree, and for that reason they also generally take after the concept of the “braided stream” more than just the tree of life. It’s also why I can feel more confident saying they’re seperate species and not subspecies, despite being able to reproduce and make viable offspring - and anyway species as a whole are fake and weird. There’s a lot of hybridization going on, with some populations getting some genes from others that benefit them and get genetic and physical variation. In more nomadic merfolk, there’s a lot of their genes spread around in other species and a lot of genetic variation in them, because they roam and run into different species - meanwhile, the abyssals are much more genetically restricted, since the abyss is a generally isolated place that isn’t easy to access unless you’re made for it.

I’m pretty bad at clarifying when I’m talking about abyssal mer vs all merfolk, since there’s a huge amount of difference between the two. Abyssals are probably the merfolk with the most bioluminenscence - while some species probably do have a little or even a lot, it’s not as much of a need as with the abyssals. The abyssals also might have gone through deep-sea gigantism? They’re pretty big by merfolk standards. And yes, that is taking into account how tiny Miranda herself is - since she’s kind of an exception to the rule, being that she didn’t really grow right and her bones didn’t get the chance to form correctly, leaving her as a rather unhealthy-looking runt of an abyssal. I’m generally thinking mer grow throughout their entire lives, as something that’s also basal to the group, they just slow down after a point - so if you got proper care for Miranda’s health issues she might be able to fix some of that problems, and mer medicine is waaaaay more sophisticated and generally ahead than current human medicine, so if it was treated she might be able to come up to a respectable height and avoid some of the isssues of that kind of deformity that’ll occur later in life.

I do believe as a whole, merfolk are rather large. Some are more sleek than others, but especially with abyssal mer, they put on fat and muscle really easily. They’re a lot like large crocodiles in that respect. Again, Miranda is an exception to this rule, as she’s really not healthy - but overall, merfolk are DENSE. Abyssals tend to have tough armor, dense bones, put on muscle and fat easily, and generally should be MUCH heavier than a human of the same size. Not to mention their tails, as unless a mer is in the really late stages of starvation, they keep most of the muscle on their tails. It’s how they swim and get around, so losing that muscle is basically a death sentence to merfolk.

There’s also variation in diet, dentition, and what they can digest. I will say all merfolk generally can handle meat - some of them are more adapted towards eating coral or plant matter or filter-feeding, but generally they can all digest and handle it and won’t turn it down if they do get it. The abyssals do tend towards being carnivores and most of their diet should be meat, but they can handle other biological material as well. They’re equal parts predator and scavenger - their jaw strength is a lot like a hyena’s or a T. rex’s (at least, in the theory of them being scavengers and not predators). It’s VERY useful in getting into any hard material the ocean can throw at them, cracking not only bone but shell and scale and cartilage and shell too, and to extract as much nutrition from any food they find. I can say their jaw strength is probably the strongest among the merfolk for that reason. 

This also means, while abyssal mer have their triangular, serrated teeth like a great white shark’s - that tooth shape is more unique to them and their specific niche than to merfolk as a whole, who have a LOT more variation. I imagine at least one has teeth that come together a bit like a parrotfish’s beak, and one has teeth more similar to a crabeater seal’s, useful for seiving through water. 

Abyssal mer are also the ones that really retained the ability to extract extra oxygen from the water through their facial fins. That’s why Miranda’s fins are so fluffy and large - they’re basically pseudo-gills, and that’s why they’re so sensitive. Other mer do also have some of that ability, but it’s to a lesser degree than abyssal merfolk, and most are probably less sensitive because of that. That being said, the shape of the fins is kept, as is the “fluff” closer to the cheek. That fluff actually has a purpose beyond oxygen extraction - they’re little outgrowths of flesh and skin that act a lot like an owl’s facial feathers. They’re effectively radar dishes, helping pick up on sounds in the water and assists their hearing and communication. The fins are also universally used for communication and display - they move with a merfolk’s emotions for a reason! They’re really good silent communication when hunting.

I also think mer do universally have the pads on their hands and feet. Honestly, they aren’t really anaogous to a cat’s or dog’s paws. They’re far closer to what you’d find on an Osprey’s foot, and provide a lot of the same uses - namely being used as a grip in holding onto slippery prey, but also in movement, when mer cling to sheer rocks or climb over coral or what have you. Normally they’re very rough and thick - but because Miranda is a royal, she files hers down, and so they’re much softer and thinner. They’re all pretty squishy though.

I’d add more but I think that’s MOSTLY it. Can you tell I have a special interest? 

[doshmanziari]

Economy and Thematic Structure: Symphony of the Night's Level Design

[N.B.: This piece was originally featured on Gamasutra. I was inspired to post it here too after watching the Boss Keys YouTube video on Symphony of the Night’s world design and finding the analysis shallow and unoriginal.]

"Why is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night good?" is a question that's been asked countless times over the years since the game's release on the PlayStation in 1997. People seem almost desperate to know the answer to this in the wake of similarly modeled but less acclaimed titles such as Aria of Sorrow and Order of Ecclesia. It seems that no matter how many explicative lists are written, Symphony of the Night (hereafter shortened to SotN or Symphony) is representative of an unplaceable magic; thus, its staying power. That's the typical narrative, anyway. As someone who does think that Symphony is indeed good, I have my own answers -- answers that I think stand out from the usual enumerations -- to that question. I'll attempt to lay some of them out here.

The most common thing you're bound to hear in support of SotN's quality is its maximalism: that the game is so stuffed and gilded with "pointless" details that one comes to adoringly approach it as a curious, jewel-like creature. It's a trait that's perhaps more valued now than ever before, as mainstream game development has become a monstrous, multi-million-dollar endeavor that discourages strangeness and obtuse secrecy partly for fear of lacking recuperative sales. As worn out as it is, this is a good point. Symphony expresses a sort of creative freedom that's all the more reinforced by Koji Igarashi's comments in this video from 2015 -- a freedom that came from the purgatorial point in time in which the game was made, when Konami's direction for the series was vague. What we got was a game made by a small group of people who had little resistance to including every trifle, even if that trifle's inclusion meant several more hours of work.

I'll come right out and say that Symphony's castle is my object of interest as a player and a critic. I've always been entranced by how a wide range of elements -- the backgrounds' incredible rendering, the variety of colorful monsters, Michiru Yamane's indispensable score, and more -- came together to make the castle have a life force that felt like it existed beyond the constraints of a television screen. So what's sort of interesting, in the context of this discussion, is that SotN's castle isn't really maximalist in look or layout. It's certainly eclectic, if you're comparing one of its sectors to another, but it's not defined by excess, and to call it "sprawling" is only half-accurate. In fact, as the series progressed with the return of Igarashi as producer on 2002's Harmony of Dissonance, there came to be a sort of inverse maximalism, relative to SotN, at play in the overall scheme of things. All of the rococo stuff that intertwined with the mechanics (e.g., a familiar spirit being able to tell you where hidden rooms were) got whittled down; meanwhile, the game worlds grew in quantitative size, culminating in 2006's Portrait of Ruin that boasted a 1000% (hey: that's bigger than 200.6%!) completion rate.

"Economy" and "focus" are words you'll pretty much never hear spoken in reference to SotN, but they're nonetheless, and perhaps surprisingly, good words to use when trying to explain what makes its castle stand out from the other so-called Igavanias. I'm going to be speaking in somewhat broad terms here just to avoid getting too entrenched in specifics, but I'm also going to try to avoid cherry-picking comparative material. After all, it's not as if Symphony's qualities were entirely unrecognizable in its progeny. The point I want to make here isn't that SotN is perfect, or that everything went to hell after 1997. I'd rather like to say that Symphony's level design, in general, has a clarity and consistency that never resurfaced with the same potency in the series since its release.

Let's first take a look at the Royal Chapel. This is one of my favorite places in Symphony, and a great example of the qualities I mentioned. Now look at Harmony of Dissonance's equivalent: the coupled Corridor in the Air and Chapel of a Heretic. The difference here is striking. Although there are parallels between the two (for example, the Chapel of a Heretic has several halls that are modeled on those jutting out from the Royal Chapel's towers; note the windows' shape), the Royal Chapel has a cleanliness, even a linearity, to its organization. It's easy to follow with the eye, and there's no mistaking that the navigational theme, starting from the bottom, is ascent. And this sense isn't just something selectively derived from the perspective of seeing the whole map at once. For one, you've got the longest continuous staircase in the game; for another, there's a central tower that's allowed to rise as tall as it wants without any horizontal redirections, and a couple of also unbroken shorter towers thereafter. This ascensional theme is also bolstered by the progression of environmental details you can see beyond the Royal Chapel's borders. A hilly coniferous forest gradually gives way to an indigo sky and a stream of clouds, with the forest now a distant sight.

So, we've got an environment here that directs our movement along a specific main route, and it's complemented by the theme of escalating verticality. When we come to Harmony's Corridor in the Air, though, it's difficult to figure out what the layout is trying to communicate. The spaces are visually unified but structurally disorganized. It's as if the level design is trying to pull off a bunch of stuff at once at the expense of letting any of it develop. Although disorganization can be interesting (and there are arguably other ways, outside of this essay's range, to interpret Harmony's castle), in this case the environment is missing the narrative of progression that's part of what makes the Royal Chapel such a pleasure to go through. A bit of focus is brought in with the Chapel of Heretic, if only because there are no branching paths, but its appearance seems to ask more than ever for a comparison to the Royal Chapel, and it can't favorably compare. You're undeniably ascending, but the majority of the rooms you're traversing are horizontal, and this dulls the actual feeling of ascending.

The top of the Chapel of a Heretic -- that large room with the long staircase -- brings to mind another subject, due to its parallel to the Royal Chapel's staircase, and this is the use of a room as a dramatic device with fulfilled, or unfulfilled, implications. The Royal Chapel's staircase is interesting because it's a dramatic structure (extensive, singular, complemented by richly ornamented recesses, and the way in which you're properly introduced to the Royal Chapel) involved with the navigational theme of descent that produces a sense of anticipation (e.g., "This staircase is so long; I wonder what it's leading to"); and this is fulfilled in the form of the gorgeous chapel sidelined by stained-glass windows and terminating in an altar. In elementary terms, the Royal Chapel's staircase displays a set-up/payoff dynamic.

Rather than compare this to the Chapel of a Heretic's staircase, though, I'd like to pit it against Portrait of Ruin's Great Stairway, whose namesake is a pair of chambers containing long staircases. Comparisons to the Royal Chapel here are perhaps most apt because the Great Stairway's stairs are similarly staffed by Corner/Hill Guards and also have overhanging ledges with collectible items. The problem the Great Stairway runs into is that neither staircase offers anything aside from sheer size and those aforementioned call-backs. The chambers' opposing extremities lead to nondescript transitional rooms with no major or minor drama beyond, and each is side by side, which only calls attention to how similarly structured both chambers are. This is especially bad because these chambers are the largest rooms in the castle (as demonstrated by the game's map), on top of locationally representing its "heart", and yet the take-away is that the designers were more concerned with filling space via copy-pasting than with having the architecture be engaged in any sort of dialogue with itself.

Something else I'd like to talk about is how generous Symphony is with giving its places breathing room. Breathing room is important because it allows environments to better develop on their own terms, helps to thematically distinguish areas, and assists in our ability to mentally organize them individually and in relation to the entire game world (something that is its own form of entertainment). This is a trait that ties back into the visual lucidness of the Royal Chapel's layout. It's illuminating to compare Symphony's map with that of Dawn of Sorrow. It becomes clear here what I'm talking about with breathing room: Dawn's map appears to be on a mission to cover as much space as possible (so much so that the bit of negative space on the top left feels like an oversight), but when we look at Symphony's, it's not too much of a leap to estimate that nearly half of the map is negative space.

This isn't a detail that's only appreciated in the abstraction of a map, either. If we review Dawn of Sorrow's Dark Chapel, we can pick out points of visual continuity and hierarchical structure. For instance, the second boss' room (Malphas) is stacked directly atop the first boss' room (Dmitrii) with the shared visual element of the organ, and Malphas' room is headlined by a corridor that follows the three rooms' progression from the "underworld" to the "heavens." We might also note that the belfry rightly sits at the Chapel's highest point and is situated above a visually unified and equally wide pair of rooms. But the Chapel's upper body is so compressed that architectural decisions such as these fall flat; the literal compression becomes an expressive compression that isn't particularly relevant to the environment. The fact that I, as the player, am in that top corridor, suspended above the distant mountains, is something that's really only communicated by the background. In action, entering the corridor feels abrupt -- I've only ascended two "rooms"' worth (represented by a single square on the map), relative to Dmitrii's room -- and this abruptness is reinforced by looking at the map and seeing how awkwardly squished the corridor's supporting columns are against the roof of Malphas' room.

Does Symphony have no compressed environments? Absolutely not! Let's be attentive here, though. Its castle's two most compressed places, by far, are the Colosseum and the Catacombs. If there is any criticism to be made of this pair in terms of how their parts interlock, it is perhaps the immediate transitions between the bed of lava in the Catacombs' natural halls and its built rooms' foundations. But beyond this slip-up, these are successful instances of compression because that trait feels thematically relevant. It works for the Colosseum both because it renders the macro-structure's hard symmetry as even more explicit, and its smushed quality recalls the cramped quarters of an actual colosseum's hypogeum. Similarly, the Catacombs' compression works because it reinforces the area's claustrophobic associations, and the overall thrust of the environment -- strongly horizontal, and never higher than two "rooms" -- really drives home the sense that this truly is the castle's bedrock.

"Compression", in this context, can also refer to how sectioned an environment is. To this day, in my opinion, Symphony feels like the 2D explorative Castlevania with the largest scope, and I'm more or less convinced that feeling is partly, yet intimately, supported by its castle having relatively more rooms that are allowed to expand to larger extents without transitional splits, as indicated on the map by a lighter or broken line within a room's border. This perhaps sounds counterintuitive; we might rather suppose that more rooms equates to a larger scope. But this isn't necessarily true. The dimensional quality of a space's entirety is not solely communicated by the quantity of its partitions; it's also how willing it is to give us the time and room to dwell on that specific space before it switches to something else. Look at Symphony's map again and notice how the Outer Wall is mostly one vertical block; how the Clock Tower and the Long Library are two large chunks bookending a minority of smaller bits; how the Castle Keep is a big L-shape with a rectangular cluster to its right; or how the Underground Caverns largely are three horizontal rooms and three vertical rooms. In fact, the trend of building subsidiary spaces around dramatically primary spaces is Symphony's rule -- not the exception!

By the time of Harmony of Dissonance, this trend had already become a scarcity; and although things did improve irregularly (Aria of Sorrow is perhaps the closest a title produced by Igarashi ever came to matching Symphony's spatial dynamism), it's a trend that could not be more alien to 2008's Order of Ecclesia. It's curious that the only follow-up to Symphony which did not aggressively slenderize, straighten, and divide its castle's parts was 2001's Circle of the Moon, handled by the Kobe branch of Konami, and I don't think it's a coincidence that, of the GBA and DS Castlevania titles, its castle's scope is the most substantial. One part of me wants to say that things developed as they did because of a vastness of variables: evolving teams, tighter deadlines, an absent concern for the emphases of this article, and so on. Another part of me wants to say that the obsessive-compulsive leanings of these games became guiding principles; which is to say, the toning down of big rooms and the emphatic sectioning came about because it made grinding easier. It's hard to not side with this interpretation when there are moments such as a hall in Ecclesia that's split down the middle for seemingly no other reason than because the hall is long and each section has a different set of enemies.

I want to elaborate on the comment above about "straightening", because it probably isn't clear what I mean (and even if it is, it's worth picking at). When I refer to a castle's parts, or rooms, as "straight", it's a way of saying that their border-lines unite to make a shape that's either a square or rectangle. This is the standard, no matter which Castlevania, starting at Symphony and ending at Ecclesia, we're talking about; yet, like other things we've examined in this article, it's a standard with degrees of prevalence. Scan this map of Symphony's castle I've edited so that all of its irregular rooms -- fourteen total -- are marked by a green star (note how nine are of the primary/large variety, increasing their significance). Now scan this similarly edited map of Harmony's castle. Upon KCET's return as the series' developers, the number of irregular rooms shrank to four, and two were based upon a couple of rooms from Symphony: the Royal Chapel's stairway, and the Marble Gallery's basement chamber. After Harmony, the only map allowing irregular rooms was Aria of Sorrow, with a whopping single room at the castle's pinnacle.

It is again curious that KCEK's Circle of the Moon stands so decisively apart from these other titles: its castle has nearly forty irregular rooms. There's no way to know how Circle's developers approached designing the castle, but the presence of such a dramatically quantifiable characteristic suggests some kind of approach that differed from KCET's developers. How else do we account for that contrast? All things considered, it's my opinion that Symphony's castle is the most dynamic, thanks in large part to how thematically distinguished its areas are; but if we're talking about the varied usage of pure geometric space, Circle comes out on top. You might be wondering where I'm going with any of this, and in response I'd like to quote from a write-up I did of Circle back in 2012: ". . . it’s easy to overlook how a game’s boundaries affect our experience of its places, perhaps because a boundary is treated as the line where the level design ends. But a boundary is really a continuation of the level design. Though it may not be interactive with one’s avatar, it does interact with the enclosed content. It organizes the extent of our movement, and its geometry feeds into all those ineffably subtle reactions we have to the spirit of a place."

What else can be said? A lot, actually! We could discuss how frequently room-types are reused; how precisely and visually segregated an environment's districts are and its link to thematic articulation; or the rough interactive textures that Symphony's inverted castle affords, in spite of how "lazy" the procedure was to create the inverted castle. But I'm satisfied with breaking things off here and saving those ideas for future analyses or -- something that interests me more -- the input of readers. What do you think? Does any of this help you to understand Symphony of the Night in a new light? Have you been thinking these thoughts all along? Do some of the interpretations seem conceptually strained?

Thanks to Revned, Edsword, mephea, TerraEsperZ, Wileee, and Zeric for their hard work on screenshot-mapping Symphony of the Night's castle.

You can support my work on Patreon.

[howtohero]

It’s time for another How To Hero guest post, where we let one of your favorite superheroes give you advice in an area they’re an expert in. As you may recall, the last time we sent out a call to the superhero community to see if anyone would be interested in coming onto our blog we only got one response. However, after the last guest post resulted in Professor Paleontologist being called out for being a loser on the internet, a lot more people expressed interest in coming on. Apparently, they believe that every time someone does a guest post in will result in Professor Paleontologist being called out by our fans. Which is... well, we’re not about to explain to them why that’s a poor reading of the situation. So, without further ado, it’s guest post number two!

Golems

by: Rockblock

Golems are possibly the most important invention in the history of the world. That’s right, more important than sliced bread, more important than your precious smart phones, even more important than chairs I’d say. Chairs aren’t actually that important you know. There’s basically no reason for them. Why can’t you just sit on the ground? What are you afraid of getting your pants dirty? Can’t get any dirt on your precious slacks? Well I’m made of dirt and let me tell you, dirt is better than pants. And you can quote me on that. The first golems were created to defend minority and marginalized communities from bigots and evil spirits and they served with honor. The earliest ones were made from stone, just like me! So they had a special affinity for the natural world. They were attuned to the moods of nature and could call upon the Earth to aid them in their tasks. They were the greatest heroes the world had ever known and any accounts that portray them as ticking time bombs or monsters just waiting for an excuse to lose control and let loose are anti-golem propaganda, no doubt produced by the very same bigots the golems were created to combat. 

While these early golems were noble and powerful they were also very crude. They certainly didn’t possess the wherewithal or eloquence to dictate this blog post to a scrawny man with tiny fingers. They were crafted from mud and rock by people who were not professionals at doing so and so they looked very scary, which was fine, as their purpose was to scare away those who might wish to do their community harm. After the original generation of golems began to erode and retired from their post they were granted the secrets and magicks with which they were created, so that they could go on to create new golem life and continue their species. The second generation of golems were also made with stones, the age of experimentation that has resulted in golems made from other materials had not yet arrived, but they were not pigeonholed into predetermined roles like their progenitors. These golems were free to work in a variety of fields. You had golem ice cream men and courtroom stenographers and opera singers. This is a tradition that has persisted to this day. The guy who does my taxes is a mud golem named Murk. Although he was not created through the traditional golem-creating methods of shoveling a big pile of dirt together and putting a slip of paper with some powerful words or names into the middle of it. 

Golems like Murk are not at all uncommon. While the golem race has primarily persisted through the passing down of golem magic, there are plenty of golems out there whose existence owes nothing to these ancient practices. Like Murk, several golems are the results of implausible science, mad or otherwise. The golem race actually owes a great deal to those science blokes, as they possessed a degree of creativity and ingenuity that was foreign to our ancestors. Mad science doesn’t ask “how has this been done before” they ask themselves “how can we do something new” regardless of whether or not that new thing is sane or safe. Because of this they’ve made great strides when it comes to creating new golems. Golems have been made out of everything you can think of from asbestos to rubber bands. These golems have, by and large, been accepted into the mainstream golem community. After all, we’ve got fighting bigots in our blood, we’re not about to discriminate against golems just because they’re made from tangerines instead of dirt from Prague. 

However, far be it from me to claim that all of my brethren fight for the ideals of my ancestors as I do. Some golems are bent on world domination, or have a knack for petty crime, or were created by and are therefore under the control of bona fide supervillains. I can’t count on my fingers the number of times a superhero has been trounced by a rogue golem because they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. And I’ve got seven hands, so you know it happens a lot. Now, if you’re not a superhero, and you just plan on going out and fighting some golems, I bid you to stop reading now. These tips are not for you. If you pick a fight with a golem for no reason, I will come and slap you. And I’ve got seven hands. And they’re made of stone. So consider yourself warned. 

If you find yourself fighting a golem it’s important to take stock of exactly what kind of golem you’re up against. As I believe I’ve made abundantly clear new two golems are ever exactly alike. The first thing you should observe, obviously, is what material they’re made of. A lot of your fighting strategy is going to revolve around this. If they’re made of stone you’re going to have to use brute force. A lot of it. But also not too much. If you punch too hard you’re going to find yourself dealing with a sand golem pretty soon and those are nearly impossible to fight. Not to mention they get everywhere. Especially inside the double wrapped sandwich you had hidden in your backpack. You want to hit them hard enough to knock them on their back but not hard enough to break them. Once they’re on their back you’ll find that they’re going to have a hard time getting back up. They’re quite heavy. I recommend somehow heating up the street they’re on and encasing them in tar so that they can’t move and continue their rampage or crime spree. If they’re made of something flammable use a fire to scare them off. If they’re made of something perishable just wait for good ol’ father time to take care of them. If they’re made of something intangible or philosophical such as ennui or the difference between milk chocolate and white chocolate then they’re not technically a golem and you’re on your own. 

Certain golems also might have unique anatomical features that might trip you up in a battle. As you know, I have seven arms which means I can punch up to seven people at one time. If you’re one superhero going up against a golem with many hands, you’re going to need to be quicker than them to avoid all those extra fists. This shouldn’t be too difficult, golems don’t tend to be very quick, but it’s something you need to be aware of. There’s also a good chance that the golem you’re going to be fighting is going to be a lot larger than you. Historically speaking, golems tend to be as large as the amount of rocks the villagers can pile on top of each other. These days, with the use of construction vehicles or super strong superhumans, golems can be absolutely massive. Think of New Golem, the towering rock monster, that guy’s gotta be like fifty, sixty feet tall. Maybe seventy feet tall. I don’t know. I don’t have a ruler handy and my eyes are rocks. But he’s quite large, and he’s got rock breath. He can shoot a high-velocity stream of rocks from his mouth. When dealing with a giant golem it’s best to use their size, weight, and heft against them. The bigger they are the harder they fall and the quicker you are the more likely they’ll be thrown off balance and be knocked out by their own fall. 

Of course, when dealing with a golem your best bet is really to seek the help of another golem. Golems can relate with one another on a level that humans simply can’t. We know where they’re coming from, we too were once thrust into a world we didn’t understand after spending most of our existence as a collection of loosely affiliated inanimate objects. Many golems are simply lashing out of fear, especially if they were created by groups outside of the golem community. Newborn golems in our communities are taken care of and taught about the world before being sent out to follow their dreams, but a creation of mad scientist, or a cult, or a freak weather incident, doesn’t necessarily have those social skills. So if you ever run into a rampaging golem, call me. I’ll block that rock. 

[bluerosesburnblue]

So a while ago I made bios for my Hogwarts Mystery avatar, Seren, and her older brother. I figured it was only fair to do one for my KHUx keykid, too, especially since I made her first (and actually made her a character instead of just a self-insert weeks before I made Seren)

Now, in honor of Kingdom Hearts III coming out in 23 days, here’s some info about my starlight girl

Name: Blue. It’s a nickname (Yes, she has a real name that is not my name, I just don’t want to say it quite yet. I guess I can give you a hint, though. Starts with an “S”)

Union: Vulpes

Title: Unchained Starlight (“Light’s Apprentice” before the Keyblade War)

Top Keyblades: Starlight*, Divine Rose, Missing Ache

*Like most KHUx avatars, Starlight is her Keyblade’s default form

She always introduces herself as Blue, and then appends “It’s a nickname” to the end in a single breath. It’s almost a running joke among people she knows now. The Moogle Shop owner will call her Miss Itsanickname just to rile her up

So, just a general headcanon, but my personal timeline is that it takes about three years from the start of the Foretellers recruiting for the Keyblade War to happen

They recruit people anywhere from ages, like, 11-19. The Keyblade War was fought primarily by people from ages 17+ (the “older kids” and people who joined as kids but were adults when the war happened) and the Dandelions had a disproportionately large number of “younger kids” from ages 11-14, but people of all ages participated in either the War or the Dandelions

So Blue joined up at age 15 almost as soon as they started recruiting, right in the middle of the age group, and was about 18 by the time the war happened

I also headcanon that most of the kids in Daybreak Town were, like, runaways or abandoned or just otherwise had nowhere else to go (which is why the town is solely populated by unsupervised kids) who found themselves drawn to the light of Daybreak Town

Blue was of the “runaway” variety, and didn’t have any real friends back home. Small town, the “friends” she did have only really hung out because there were few kids in town

Her first real friend in town was @anheiressofasoldier‘s keykid, who went by “Heiress” at the time. Based on how anheiressofasoldier and I met, I imagine that Heiress dropped a journal with her writings in it somewhere in town, and Blue found it and dropped it off at the Moogle shop’s lost-and-found. Heiress hunted her down to thank her and one thing led to another and then Blue became a part of the party Heiress was in and that was that

Personally headcanon her as the youngest person in the party at the time, which makes her eventually being one of the oldest Dandelions and oldest “member” of the Sewer Squad more significant

Player is canonically kind of quiet. Blue doesn’t really go out of her way to chat with people, she mostly keeps to herself. But if you’re her friend, well, get ready for just a constant stream of philosophic ramblings, dorky Keyblade facts, and rants about the Moogle shop

Snarkmaster extraordinaire. Her Chirithy had to get his tendencies from somewhere, after all

Dramatic statements delivered in a deadpan tone. Most of her sense of humor is just downplaying the weirder things that happen to her

Flip-flops wildly between being a pretty chill, helpful, and quiet person and being THE MOST DRAMATIC PERSON YOU HAVE EVER MET IN YOUR LIFE depending on how emotional she is in the moment

Wise well beyond her years. Always has been, but it becomes more pronounced the older she gets and the more open with advice she gets

She probably keeps a few plants in her room. Strelitzia would’ve liked them

Her big thing is Keyblade forging. Crafting Keyblades? Designing the weapons? Running around town for days trying to get the right materials for just one more refinement to her perfect recipe for each keychain? Yuuuuup

Headcanon that she’s the one who created the design for the Missing Ache Keyblade in a fit of sadness after Ephemer fails to show up for their meeting (because it’s unlocked in Proud Mode three missions after he disappears). She started designing it while waiting for him at the fountain about an hour after their meeting time

“Chirithy please, I just need one more Electrum Ore.” “You haven’t slept in two days please stop.” “But I’ve almost got it, buddy!”

She might be the last person left in the Dandelions who knows anything about creating and refining Keyblades and keychains

She frequently takes her forging materials to the fountain or up on the rooftops to work, just because the scenery helps her relax. The Keyblade is a weapon of the heart, so if your heart’s at peace, you’ll get the best results

Related, she likes heights. If you can’t find her, she’s probably on a roof somewhere, either reading, Keyblade crafting, or watching the sky

Would probably die for her Chirithy and then realize later that if she dies so does he and she instantly regret everything. He is, no joke, the best friend she’s ever had and she loves him more than anything

She’d really love to collect souvenirs from every world that she visits, and was really disappointed when the ones that she picked up disappeared when she got back to Daybreak Town. It only made sense later, when she learned that the worlds she was visiting were illusions

I could see her deciding to try foods at each location she visits and deciding to collect recipes on her travels

She’s probably a decent cook. She does live by herself, after all

The fact that she’s not actually visiting other places is the most disappointing thing to her, because she’d love to travel and it turns out she hasn’t been

The Moogle who runs the Moogle Shop is her eternal rival. He makes some really good food and drinks, but his medal banners are NONSEEEEENSE and she refuses to spend money on them. They are constantly heckling each other about it

Clothing-wise, she hates skirts and she hates having her fingers covered. She sighs dramatically every time her reward clothes have a skirt, and cuts the fingers off of any pair of gloves she owns. She used to hate midriff-bearing shirts and sighed when she got them, but tried one out when she got older and they just kind of stuck as part of her style after that point

Started wearing hats to hide her face and her little spiked piece of hair that she was super self conscious about (“It’s the one piece that won’t stay down!”). Stopped wearing them after Ephemer saw her take her hat off and told her the little spike was cute

Frequently throws her Keyblade during fights, and one of her favorite combat techniques is throwing it and letting it fly around and hit things while she goes in for some magically enhanced punching and kicking. Her Keyblade is out of her hand as much as it is in her hand during the course of a fight

Most of my commands tend to be either ice or thunder-based, so I’d say she specializes in Blizzard and Thunder based techniques, with some light-based magic attacks and dark-based physical attacks on the side

She’s good at changing up her battle style on the fly (based on Player’s ability to easily swap Keyblades and employ magic, power, and speed attacks on any setup in any order)

That being said, she does favor magic, then speed, then power in that order

Very hard to keep down. If she were in a main series KH game, she’d get Once More and Second Chance pretty early on and maybe even Auto-Life by level up

The encounter with Nightmare Chirithy deeply affected her, because it really was the personification of all of her sadness, anger, self-loathing, etc... and yet it made good points that made sense to her and were honestly things she’d been thinking of for a long time. She took its talk of relying too much on the Foretellers’ powers to heart and started training herself to use her own power not long afterwards

She respected Ava a lot. Even when she was starting to get frustrated with all of the Foretellers for just doing what their Master told them to without question, she still had faith in Ava, and spent at least part of the War trying to convince her to just help her stop the fighting, and it broke her heart when Ava refused to help, but told her she was proud of the Keyblade Wielder she’d become

Blue used to actively reject her darkness at the start, but as she started questioning the Foretellers she started being more conflicted about it, shoving it down until Nightmare Chirithy became a problem. She spends a lot of time post-War in a weird depressive state where she can’t remember the war but still feels the emotional effects of it and can’t figure out why, and will eventually become this post once she comes to terms with her emotions post-War. She enters into an almost Riku-like state of being chill with her own darkness, though in her case it’s more of a “just let the emotions happen and use whichever element matches” thing

I’ve named her Spirit after Missile, best doggo and top Pomeranian from Ghost Trick, and I’ve been trying to make the spirit look like him ever since. In-universe, the Spirit dog’s name is Missile thanks to the Blast trick

Ephemer took a liking to her pretty fast because she was the one person who wasn’t even a little lost during his infodumps. And she contributed to his theorizing. She was practically perfect friend material

Mentioned that I ship Ephelayer recently, but I honestly can’t see Blue developing romantic feelings for him unless she sees him again and gets to know him better. She knew him for a day, and while she liked him a lot, that’s not grounds for a romantic relationship. I think of it more as a “they could be good together in the future” sort of thing. As long as Ephemer communicates with her

Ephemer was really special to her, because he was probably the first friend that she actively made on her own. Heiress was the one who hunted her down, but Ephemer was the one that she went and saved on her own and befriended on her own. Which is why it hurt so much when he didn’t show up

Headcanon that meeting Ephemer happens about two years after recruitment starts, so she was 16/17-ish when that happened, and he was about the same

Since time moves weird in the datascape, she may actually be physically older than him at this point since he would have entered it first, about a year or two before the war

Skuld is also one of the best friends she’s ever had, but she can’t remember most of their time together post-War, so she’s not entirely sure why she misses that black-haired girl she barely knew

She starts off as pretty awkward and shy, but by the time the war comes about she’s the Ultimate Big Sis, helping out all of the younger kids and being really nice to the kids who come up to her asking for help

She’d probably have adopted Strelitzia and Ven as younger siblings in a heartbeat

Strelitzia’s crush wasn’t romantic, it was definitely a “cool older kid” crush. Strong “I wish that person was my sibling” vibes. Especially since Blue and Lauriam are probably close in age

I... am not sure that she even knew the Sewer Squad before entering the datascape, so that’s all with 18-year-old, tired and jaded post-War Blue

Her memories being rewritten have actually messed her up way worse than Ephemer, Skuld, and Chirithy were expecting. She can’t remember how old she was at any given point during her time in Daybreak Town anymore, who her old party was (since... I think Player’s whole party canonically dies in the war? So they’ve gotta get erased before Player starts questioning what happened to them), what her life was like before Daybreak Town, or even that Blue isn’t her real name (the last one being what tips Chirithy off that they may have messed up). Her sense of time no longer exists, either

She also sleeps a lot more after the war, which worries Chirithy a lot

Even though they’ve overwritten her memories of the war, the scars still exist in her heart. So it’s honestly worse that she can’t clearly remember, since now she just feels extreme guilt and grief with no discernible source and hides it behind a cheerful facade most of the time since she, like... can’t even justify her own sadness to herself. And she can’t fix the problem by dealing with the trauma because she’s not even sure the trauma existed

She’s not technically a Dandelion, but believes that she is because it’s how her memories have made sense of the whole thing

I called the Sewer Squad her surrogate younger siblings in my post about the Halloween Event, and that’s true. She’s older than all of them, and not even technically a member of their party. She’s an honorary member, and they call her the team Big Sis whenever she joins them

How she takes getting her memories back is going to entirely depend on the situation she remembers them in

[boaws]

BOAWS Top Records of 2018

20 – Bichkraft – 800 (Wharf Cat) You know, I've heard every Bichkraft record and up until 800 (the groups third) I didn't quite really know what to think of them other than...weird? I'd pretty much filed them away in a lump of experimental bands that I kind of dug, but I wasn't terribly sure what the angle was. It seems things have been a bit cleared up for me with 800, a record that is undoubtedly more refined than any of their previous, production wise. I imagine some of this can be attributed to recording with Merchandise member Carson Cox rather than a makeshift studio in a junk ridden field somewhere. However, the bands sound manages to keep a lot of the looseness of a group that would, in fact, record in such an aforementioned manner. I've never thought of Bichkraft to be much on the rhythmic side of things, but the songs on 800 are shockingly catchy at times and bounce along in a nice haphazard manner...even though I have no fucking clue what they are saying. I suppose it could be some really grim stuff, but the songs themselves wouldn't really ever reveal that. Nevertheless, their combination of post-punk and disjointed indie-rock is certainly an interesting one...in that it lies somewhere on the exteriors of both. There are times where I'm picturing late 80's or early 90's music videos with an over abundance of neon and hair for some reason...which may in fact be due to the vocals and the drum machine. It's almost like listening to A.R. Kane if they had been heavily influenced by no-wave. Like I said, interesting and I'm not real confident I've made much headway in figuring Bichkraft out, but at the very least 800 is a pretty good record. Bichkraft – Ashley (stream) BUY IT! 19 – Cloud Nothings – Last Building Burning (Carpark & Wichita) A band many are familiar with and one that has already appeared on these lists a couple times now already I believe. Cloud Nothings find themselves here again on the strengths of their fifth album that doesn't change the formula up much, other than possibly embracing the rawer aspect of their sound for an A-side that blows through five songs in a few minutes before opening up the B-side with the 11 minute “Dissolution”. They are the type of songs that Cloud Nothings have doled out before, but in a far more limited basis...or possibly in bits and pieces, however on Last Building Burning a good majority the album is consumed by that type of raucousness that had only been previously teased. The tunes still seem to incorporate a good amount of the hook heaviness of old, but one might have to dig a bit deeper beneath some of the chaos here to find it, which is fine by me. “Dissolution” ends up being an interesting track in its own, massively sized, right...wherein the band starts off in tried and true jagged fashion only to end up taking a break midway through for some improvisational noisy meandering/psychedelics before latching back on to each other to form a nice apex of noise/melody to cap it off. I'll hand it to them, Last Building Burning is an album that, in a way, I got what I expected but also came out a bit surprised as well. Cloud Nothings – Offer an End (stream) BUY IT! 18 – Gouge Away – Burnt Sugar (Deathwish Inc.) It took me awhile to get around to this one, and by that I mean I just heard it maybe three or so weeks ago, but that is just how things work with me sometimes. Anyway, Gouge Away do a lot of things well on Burnt Sugar. That's about as generic as a statement as one can make, right? But it's kind of true, especially when the takeaway with most is that they are a hardcore/punk band playing songs that are somewhere in between power chord driven noise-rock or 90's alternative and being able to blur the lines between all of that is commendable. How that's really any different than a lot of bands these days? I don't really know, but at the very least Gouge Away pull it together in a much tidier way for some memorable songs that do well in the way of being powerful and noisy enough satisfy my taste for aggro delights of 90's noise-rock. So if that's also your cup of tea, then Gouge Away will likely be of particular interest to you as well. Gouge Away – Fed Up (stream) BUY IT! 17 – Bush Tetras – Take the Fall (Wharf Cat) Another entry from Wharf Cat, which has sneakily become one of my most appreciated record labels over the past couple years. Although, I'd argue it's hard to miss on something like Bush Tetras, but good on them on at least having the initiative to release these five new jams. Dating all the way back to 1979, Bush Tetras material hasn't exactly been plentiful, but it HAS often been good and Take the Fall sees them return in a form that still has them right in step with anything they did during when they were in the thick of the NYC no-wave movement. There is a little more brute force to be found here, with a deep bass slink and a rainfall of atonal distortion that lurch along in a delightfully sleazy way while vocalist Cynthia Sley takes every opportunity to wrap her voice all around it. Take the Fall is every bit as jagged and poignant as any of their past material, but somewhat removed from the time of dub-esque/dance influenced rhythmic nature of their infancy...sitting more firmly in the post-punk camp, but still something that could have only been culled from a specific time and place. Bush Tetras – Red Heavy (stream) BUY IT! 16 – Hide – Castration Anxiety (Dais) There is generally an appeal to me, to some extent or another, for when a record functions primarily in such a primitive manner as one like Castration Anxiety does. Maybe even more so when it comes creeping out of the depths of the darker side of the industrial/electronic world, as Hide does...the duo of visual artist Heather Gabel and percussionist Seth Sher. The ingredients are relatively simple for the pairing, who throw together the monotonous pulse of heavy beats/percussion to largely drive this excursion into brute force, but decidedly steer it down a darker path thanks to the inclusion of some creative synth work. Occasionally dream-like, but probably more so in the nightmarish sense, the synth/electronics are often of the buzzing/scraping variety rather than the ethereal airy gothy qualities that a project like this may initially suggest. Nope. This is definitely more so about leather, dungeons and the sound of anything colliding with metal. And while it could be concluded that Hide had boiled everything down to the coldest possible fraction, there still lies Gabel's vocals which by the end of Castration Anxiety are such an inclusive part of the narrow singular vision at play, that it's easy to forget there is an actual person performing the constant moans and spoken mantras among it all. Dais always seems to do well in finding these particular types of releases, and this one can certainly be added to the list of winners. Hide – Wildfire (stream) BUY IT! 15 – Ian Sweet – Crush Crusher (Hardly Art) I got a late start on Ian Sweet, so late in fact that I completely missed the transition from solo project...to band...back to solo project. So, as it stands now, Ian Sweet is the solo work of Jilian Medford. I did get a chance to hear 2016's album Shapeshifter, however by that point I'm sure everything had already been shifted back to full solo mode. My initial thoughts on that album were a mixed one, a fun and somewhat catchy slab of indie-rock, but ultimately an album that didn't grab me a whole lot aside from a couple songs. However, on Crush Crusher things have dramatically veered towards deeper/interpersonal territory, dealing with issues of anxiety/depression among others. With that comes an album that is actually far more melodic and riff laden than prior heard, but on work as emotionally revealing as Crush Crusher it's not entirely surprising, as there is a lot being unearthed here in a therapeutic fashion. For Medford, I imagine even if Crush Crusher had been met with little to no response it wouldn't have mattered, as I highly doubt this album was really meant for anyone other than herself. Ian Sweet – Spit (stream) BUY IT! 14 – Marriage + Cancer – Marriage + Cancer (Self Sabotage) A Portland based band that showed up this past year with their debut album sporting some nice Texas Chainsaw Massacre inspired artwork on it. While some may be disappointed to learn that this self-titled first attempt isn't as grimy and sadistic as the aforementioned movie, Marriage + Cancer prove mighty capable of being one of those bands that can actually marry noise AND rock; not too clean but also not a room clearer either...although I've rarely turned my nose up at that as well. I think the Jesus Lizard thing gets bandied about with these guys for sure, I mean, I even mentioned it in the initial write up did for this record, but after hearing this over a full year it's almost as if Drive Like Jehu was forced to slow their asses down a bit and then things are just dirtied up some...which may be a large reason I like it as much as I do. I just love big loud ringing guitars, sure...feedback/distortion is pretty a-ok too, but something about that “sound” will always do it for me and Marriage + Cancer seem to have just that. Marriage + Cancer – Six Feet + A Box (stream) BUY IT! 13 – Big'n – Knife of Sin (Computer Students) When you want something done right then seek out someone who has plenty of experience doing the job. If the same can be said about noise-rock then Big'n would be a fine choice to employ. Having made most of their mark during the 90's with a number of singles/splits and two full-length albums, they didn't necessarily get the attention they likely deserved during their initial run throughout that decade. However, after getting back together a few years back now...that's slowly began to be rectified. For the uninitiated, Big'n provide a workman-like quality of noise that bands within the same region often did...like Tar and Shorty...meaning they were, and are undeniably, Midwestern sounding. Maybe one of the magnificent things about Big'n is that nearly 30 years later this band can sound 100% as they did at the very start and are absolutely undeterred in their approach. Essentially, it's a formula of razory guitar work and start/stop rhythms that worked for them then, and it works equally well for them now. It's even amazing how the singers vocals are no less raspy/strained. A time capsule of a band, but in the very best way. The packaging for this EP is absolutely ridiculous too and I love it. Comes in a giant silver zip-lock type case/bag that holds the actual record in a whole other sleeve. Pretty labor intensive I would have to guess, but it provides for a pretty spectacular whole package. When people try and argue why folks enjoy records over any other more convenient medium, I'll kindly (maybe not so kindly) direct them to Knife of Sin as an example as to why. Big'n – Snake Eater (stream) BUY IT! 12 – Viagra Boys – Street Worms (Year 0001) I can't even recall the number of times I watched the video for the track “Sports” on YouTube. I then made practically anyone I thought would even remotely care watch it. I apologize for likely being kind of insufferable there for a bit, but damn if that isn't a killer track and a great video to pair it up with. I guess these guys have been stirring it up for a bit now over in Sweden, but this past year was my first exposure to their brand of off-kilter post-punk, if that's even what one could call it, as there is plenty more going on here with everything from saxophone skronk, a consistent element of dance-punk, and near two minute skit of some absurd dog show. It would be easy to dismiss Viagra Boys as some foreign version of Electric Six, but that would be a fairly big disservice, as there is quite a bit more substance to their music underneath all the foolishness and imagery, to which there is a fairly precise and poignant message of co-existing with everyone else in an immoral society. Maybe one of the less disguised songs, “Worms” is a good indicator of that. No matter, Viagra Boys deliver on the promise of an excellent single with an album that provides more to digest than I think anyone really anticipated. Good stuff. Viagra Boys – Worms (stream) BUY IT! 11 – Casanovas in Heat – Twisted Steel, Sex Appeal (Katorga Works) Announced a couple years ago, Twisted Steel, Sex Appeal just now made it out this past year after a handful of delays that are both label related and just rockin' too fucking hard by the sound of it. While Casanovas in Heat have since disbanded during the albums stay in release purgatory, this is no less a great way to go out as Twisted Steel, Sex Appeal is a power pop gem that absolutely smokes through ten wonderful tracks. Riffs aplenty here folks, and they are cranked the hell up on top of that. It's a shame this couldn't have come out around the time it was originally designated as the album could have had a good chance of really taking off, but nevertheless things happen and you get what you get...and that is 100 copies of an album that kind of just eventually floated out there with little to no fanfare. Kudos to Katorga Works for seeing it through though, despite fates best efforts to crater it. For those that appreciate big melodic power/pop-punk, then this is an album that you have to absolutely track down. The more I listen, the better it gets honestly. I'm sure wherever I place it now won't do it justice a few months from now, which is kind of funny when I think about it in context with how this album was released, huh? Casanovas in Heat – Wet Dreams (stream) BUY IT! 10 – Wrong – Feel Great (Relapse) Wrong would have been one of my favorite bands when I was much younger, if they had in fact existed then. To say that nostalgia is a strong feeling is quite an understatement when I listen to their second album Feel Great, as drop-D taco riffing rock was king to me then, and still even now when I hear it done there are parts of me that get all teary eyed. Ok, probably not to that extent, but it does still stir me a bit and Wrong likely does it better than anyone out there right now...although I don't think there are a whole lot out there to count. While Feel Great doesn't quite capture me like their debut album did, it's still quite the fun and heavy ride through its ten tightly spun tracks. At the very least it helps me forget about the atrocities of post-Stanier/Bogdan era Helmet. So yeah. Wrong – Upgrade (stream) BUY IT! 09 – Pinkshinyultrablast – Miserable Miracles (Club AC30 & Shelflife) I remember writing about an Air Formation album years ago and then got an e-mail from Club AC30 grilling me about how I got the album and so on. Never mind that I enjoyed it and wrote positively about it, but that's cool. No hard feelings right? I'll even consider it kind of making amends by having the good sense in releasing this fantastic nugget of dream-pop/synth-wave/what-have-you from Russia's Pinkshinyultrablast. They are a band that has shown considerable steps forward from album to album, which is honestly quite rare within the shoegaze/dream-pop genre, thanks to a sound that has been so definitively mapped out. Pinkshinyultrablast seem to pay little attention to that on the groups third album Miserable Miracles, by moving towards a more heavily synth based sound that sees the washes of guitar and fuzz take second fiddle to a myriad of dreamy tones and pulsing bass. Undoubtedly a bit influenced by the meteoric rise of vapor/synth-wave (one look at the cover art could have given that away), the band incorporates it well without it ever becoming a tacky or glaring needless inclusion...in fact it sounds as natural as anything they've done before. It's a brighter sound, one not muddled in distortion like past albums, but open and airy...and one that strives to drive the ethereal factor into the red. Miserable Miracles honestly reminds me a lot of the Rumskib album that came out a few years ago and then the number of Keith Canisius solo records that followed it. Those that wish to spend a day in the clouds, this is an album that wants to take you there. Pinkshinyultrablast – Find Your Saint (stream) BUY IT! 08 – Criminal Code – 2534 (Deranged) Didn't see a whole lot on this one, but I quite enjoyed the third effort from Criminal Code, an album that sports cover art that would lead me to believe this was released sometime in the 80's on 4AD. And actually, that's not a bad place to start with 2534, because the band has apparently jettisoned a lot of the jagged straight forward post-punk styling of previous records to drape things in a much darker, but dreamier state of mind. Can't argue with the results though, as Criminal Code take a ride through some of the same musical landscape as The Sound and The Chameleons did before them, certainly presenting more a more melodical side of the band than anyone has likely heard before. At almost a dead even thirty minutes, there is very little dead weight that can be found on 2534, efficiently honing in on the sound they wanted and executing it to a T. While maybe not getting the fan fare of other bands that Deranged have put out over the years, Criminal Code has proven to be a consistently good one and that's worth noting in a pool of post-punk revivalists that at this point is likely as big as the Pacific ocean. Criminal Code – The Subject (stream) BUY IT! 07 – Ovlov – Tru (Exploding in Sound) For a time there, albeit a small one, it didn't seem like there would ever be another Ovlov album. The band had pretty much garnered themselves the reputation of the equivalent to the couple in high school that would be together one week but “done” the next. You honestly never knew if Ovlov was a band or not, and at one point it seemed like they were actually fiirreeal done. However, here we are a couple years later and things have actually been pretty stable in the Ovlov camp after putting out a singles comp and some touring, Tru came upon the listening world late this past year with about as much anticipation from me as you're about to get. For the most part I'd say I'm pretty happy with Tru, it's definitely a bit of a different beast than Am, but all the warmth/thick fuzziness that engulfed me originally is all here...just deployed in a slightly different...tender manner. And maybe a lot of that has to do with Steve Hartlett dealing with the tribulations of handling a full-time band and maybe some overflow from his more introspective side-project Stove. Either way, Tru hits the mark of all the 90's indie/alt fuzz that made that decade so special. Ovlov – Stick (stream) BUY IT! 06 – Exhalants – Exhalants (Self-Sabotage) The Xerox-ish cover art on the debut album from Exhalants had me under the impression that this was going to be some pretty wild noise-punk stuff. While what I received was in fact “noisy”, Exhalants are a far different band than those preconceptions, and while calling Austin, TX their home...almost seem like an anomaly for the area too. Oddly enough, this album sounds mighty upper Midwestern and for a noise-rock band, they are packing a metric ton of melody and riffs into their debut. It's interesting to hear an album that rides a fine line between big sweeping rock elements, but at the same time has the sound and appearance of one that is as every bit grime/filth ridden. Buildings are another band that comes to mind that were close to doing the same thing, but at times are just too polished around the edges to pull it off. Exhalants aren't afraid to cross that threshold of “noise”. And guess what? It turned out great for them. Exhalants – Latex (stream) BUY IT! 05 – Slow Crush – Aurora (Holy Roar) Huge sounding grunge/alternative infused shoegaze...there is a record like this every single year that I fall in love with. The year before it was Lacing, the year before that it was the list topper from Sigh Down One and so on. You could say I'm kind of a sucker for this kind of stuff and that's perfectly fine as I fully own up to it. The draw has always been a contrast between the dream like state that shoegaze tries to emulate into sound but also tying it to a feeling of heaviness. I've probably said it before, but Lilys on In the Presence of Nothing did it about as well as anyone ever will. It's entirely possible to create heavy music but not make it “ugly”, so to speak. So yeah, the allure is a sound akin to what Slow Crush manages to do and a handful of other bands have done over the years. The opener “Glow” is a pretty fantastic track that I kind of wish was a little more representative of Aurora as a whole, but the album steadies itself after that to slow things down for the most part, opting for a little more on atmosphere and swirling feedback. Still, a really nice slice of shoegaze. Slow Crush – Glow (stream) BUY IT! 04 – Conduit – Drowning World (Kitschy Spirit) Like how I go from talking about heavy music not necessarily needing to be ugly? Well, this is ugly. Really really ugly in fact. Ever wanted to know what happened to some of the dudes in Twin Stumps? Your answer somewhat lies in Conduit, which contains a couple of them along with a couple other guys from White Suns and Squad Car. Together they create a similar racket to that of many of the members prior bands...namely Twin Stumps, to which Conduit proudly hoist the torch in the air and trudge forward with their misery stricken lurch of decaying feedback while fishing around in there every so often for a riff or two to whip out and surprise everyone. They even go as far to occasionally throw in an every so brief ambient spot of noise in there just for good measure. One of the definite takeaways from Drowning World is that it might be some of the most uncompromisingly violent sounding music that any of the members have been apart of so far. It's truly a disturbingly disgusting sounding record and I pretty much love every second of it. Even if that's not your cup of tea, it's hard not to hand it to them as they are grinding on with this stuff even after the whole noise-rock revival thing kind of fell off and I can't really imagine there being as big of a receptive audience to it anymore. It's ok though, because I still think Rusted Shut is pretty awesome and it's evident that most of the members of Conduit do too. Of all the records on this list, Drowning World is probably the one the planet deserves the most right now. Conduit – A Hex (stream) BUY IT! 03 – Barlow – In a Strangers Car (Crafted Sounds) So In a Strangers Car was technically released around July...a couple years ago, but I didn't hear it until early last year and it didn't see much in the way of a physical release until then either, so to hell with it...it counts. That and it's far too good to not be in some type of best of list, so I'm parking it firmly here and happy to rain praise for it once again. I don't know if Barlow choose to exist in indie lo-fi obscurity, but their music deserves far more attention than it gets, that I can say for certain. With In a Strangers Car the band throws together a handful of tracks that were recorded over a several year period. In most cases, the patch work like recording process would yield head scratching results, but Barlow soundly weave these tracks together in a way that plays out in the same manner as a fever dream of whirring fuzz and hiss...stops, starts, rewinding and rumbling warbles before songs peak their head out for a minute before vanishing from your memory forever (or until you listen to the record again I guess). I make it through four songs and it feels like I've already heard bits and pieces of at least ten, however it somehow makes sense and trying to pick apart why almost seems silly. The only real option is to just sit back and enjoy it. Barlow – Tirebiter (stream) BUY IT! 02 – Olden Yolk – Olden Yolk (Trouble in Mind) I knew there was something familiar about this record when I first heard it, but obviously my mind kept firing but never connecting the dots. Naturally I turned to everyone's best friend Google and some quick searching there turned up that Olden Yolk was originally a side solo project for Quilt's Shane Butler. Tada! Answer found. I, for the most part, dug Quilt's easy breezy mixture of vaguely psych/folk and dream-pop and Butler's singing on those records only added to the distinct smoothness of it. Olden Yolk have since developed into a full band and this would mark as their debut album, which presents a lot of the same characteristics that would be familiar to Butler, however takes a noticeably larger dive into folk territory. This especially isn't too surprising, given that Quilt's last release was a full on cover album of the brilliant F.J. McMahon classic Spirit of the Golden Juice. The formula works equally well with Olden Yolk, however, possibly even better I would argue. The band might be basing themselves in folk roots, but the success of the album largely stems from the ranges/reaches of the smaller influences that have worked their way in; blurring the image with touches of psych fuzz and drumming that would certainly be a bit unorthodox on any other record. But that combination is what pushes the album outside the box, and at this point, that's the kind of album I want to hear. Olden Yolk – Common Ground (stream) BUY IT! 01 – Fond Han – Wronked (Exploding in Sound) Maybe it was just the whole of 2018 and my abysmal handling of everything concerning my life during those 365 days, but upon hearing Fond Han and their latest album Wronked, it struck me as entirely relatable. As is Wronked, things were at a constant push-pull between chaos and hibernating lulls, the struggles of depression and anxiety are real folks. There have been many albums over the years that have bravely documented such struggles, however I guess Wronked just came at the right time. Not to say it isn't a great album in its own right, because it most certainly is. Fond Han is essentially the brain child of Thomas Baumann, who took what could be considered unfinished ideas/loose ends and expanded on them, or tied them together, to create this ultimately dark but revealing look into ones very own psyche. Not at all surprising, is to find out that the sounds of that are fragmented, uneven, and extremely unpredictable...almost to the point of being full on excursions into noise. There is no real “ebb and flow” to Wronked, because there just can't be. That's not how it works. The escalation of panic and fear isn't a gradual one and Fond Han frames it as such by taking hard 90 degree left turns from the steadily, albeit loose, melodies into heaping low end/feedback that has a hardcore/metalcore slant to it...think Daughters or very early Dillinger Escape Plan. It's likely that Wronked will be highly divisive in opinion, but love it or hate it...it's a fascinating piece of work and one that helps substantially sum up what was a predominately a lost year for me. Fond Han – Dumpty (stream) BUY IT!

[aikainkauna]

Movie meeeehm

Thanks to @nitrateglow for these!

1: A movie you enjoyed as a kid that you don't now

-Probs some comedy I'd find awfully sexist/racist/homophobic etc. now. But of course, I can't recall a specific one, probs because the experience is so deeply squicky and traumatic. Oh, wait, I know. I adored The Great Mouse Detective as a kid, but have heard so many "bleh" comments about it later that I don't want to ruin it by rewatching it as an adult. Why take a happy, cherished, pure and joyous memory away, especially as there are so few of those in my life anyway in proportion to the bad memories?

2: A movie you disliked as a kid that you like/love now

-Not a movie, but I was literally too fucking terrified to watch Doctor Who as a kid on cable, because the Tom Baker repeats they were showing terrified me with the title sequence alone. That empty stare and howling, diddly-duming music were enough to give me nightmares. So I only got into Who in my late teens!

3: Your favorite movie as a kid

-Define "kid." I went through several. I loved the Disney Robin Hood, of course, and at puberty, Wayne's World (yes) and The Princess Bride were my own cult movies, before I had anyone to fangirl them with. Ah, the pre-Internet era.

4: An actor/actress it took you time to warm up to

I remember being weirdly terrified and disturbed by Jeremy Brett as a kid, but then I felt the same about Bowie, and... well. Clearly it was my baby self not knowing WTF to do with all this stirring, restless energy that later turned out to be my skinnyandrogynousbisexualguy orientation thingy. And while I'd first seen Caligari and Casablanca as a teen in the early 90s, I wasn't ready for Connie until he pounced me in 2012. I would not have "got" him the same way and as hard until I was a grown-up, with a wide variety of experiences from many areas of life and a boatload of books/learning behind me. Just... no way.

5: A director it took you time to warm up to

-If anything, I've cooled off various directors I was impressed by when younger. So much of the auteur stuff gets wanky and self-imposing, in this Arrogant Artist Guy "look at my GENIUS big VISION and also insecurity about my penis size" kind of way. I like directors who can be warm and have fun and who show some real humanity (not wanky anvilly/kitchen sink-y sort of "humanity" either). Maybe Branagh? I found him a bit annoying as a kid, but now fap all over his stuff because now I'm old enough to Get It. He is the best kind of fanboy director; his geekiness is catching. Listening to his Thor commentary was a real eye-opener into my realising just how massive a nerd he is, and in a good, "one of us" kind of way.

6: Top five favorite soundtracks of your favorite movie composer

-There isn't just one! But Clint Mansell and Debbie Wiseman turn to gold everything they touch. Debbie especially is hugely unknown still, but she has this most amazing, swellingly Romantic music full of sweeping emotion that I just can't rec her enough. Do check her out; she'll give you goosebumps.

7: Three movies that defined your teen/childhood years

-I think I mentioned those already! But as a teenager, Bram Stoker's Dracula, La Reine Margot and Heavenly Creatures were formative. There were others I obsessed about way more than those, but they weren't as influential--it's more like they were massaging buttons I already had.

8: Sci-fi or westerns?

-Blake's 7! AKA "The Dirty Dozen in Space."

9: Are there any movies you own more than one copy of?

-Ahhahaha. AAAHHAHAHAHA! Of The Thief of Bagdad, I own: The Criterion clusterfuck with the awful clumsy cover someone had their 5-year-old draw, the Nordic DVD, the German Blu-Ray because I live on the edge (what with those Veidt Eye Closeups in HD being a hazard to any uterus) and at least three different digital copies. Because I'm me. I also own two digital copies and one DVD of Casablanca, three digital and one DVD of A Woman's Face and don't get me started on the British telefantasy I have on both DVD and VHS. I have spare copies of both the Caligari Masters of Cinema release and the ITV DVD of The Spy In Black, so I guess I should throw them at somebody.

10: Physical media or streaming?

-Neither. Video files firmly saved onto and run from my hard drive. Fuck streaming with its choppiness (ruins the viewing experience for me) and physical media are usually beyond my budget (unless I save up for a Connie DVD). Besides, I rip my favourite movie discs onto my HD anyway. I want to be able to gif that shit, dammit!

11: Are there any movies you watch on special occasions every year (Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, your mother's aunt's wedding anniversary, etc.)

-Used to do Nightmare Before Christmas on Halloween, but not any more. I still attempt ToB every Christmas. And I used to do All Through The Night with wine on my birthday, but as I can't tolerate alcohol anymore, the experience of Watching ATTN Drunk is no more. Someone start a Halloween tradition with me where we watch either The Student of Prague or Eerie Tales (or both) every year?

12: What movie do you most associate with your best friend(s)?

-Gosh, so few have stayed, so it's more like "movie that reminds you of a broken friendship," yay...?! I've learned to try and not associate movies with people that way any more, because it's more painful than it's worth. Connie is my best friend. He's like Krishna that way.

13: Name a movie adaptation you thought was better than or equal to its source material.

-LOTR put in more facial features and characterisation than Tolkien ever did, and did the tales far less fucking tediously. Imagine if you'd had to sit and watch hobbits walking through the countryside for 6 hours with barely anything happening?! Yeah...

14: What genres do your favorite movies tend to be?

-Historical, fantasy, Gothic Romantic, just Romantic stuff on the whole. More old than new movies these days. Why watch shitty modern chick flicks when I have far better characterisation and far less narrowly defined female lives in old-timey "women's pictures?" And guys who actually fucking shaved, dressed in clothes that were tailored for them instead of rented and saggy, whose bodily expressions weren't frozen for fear of "fagginess," and who weren't pumped full of 'roids.

15: Are you a fan of period dramas and if so, what era do you enjoy best?

-Yes. I love me some costume dramas, but I am seriously picky about them--most post-90s ones have been fucking awful and tend to feature shitty costumes and unkempt hair that would've sent real historical people to Bedlam, wobblycam from hell, vomit-inducingly excessive modernisation to be "edgy", and that one painfully skeletal bint they shove into every period drama ever these days, so it's... slim pickings for a history nerd, these days. There aren't many good ones set in the 17th century/Baroque era, which I love the most: the two Baroque dramas I wholeheartedly love are both series. (The Devil's Whore and By The Sword Divided.) The Angeliques and Musketeer adaptations are riddled with flaws, but there are some glowing bits within. As for The Golden Age of Islam... bloody hell, there really aren't that many good ones out there, are there?! ToB and Jodhaa Akbar and Disney's Aladdin, obviously. La Reine Margot isn't "my" period but it's great, as is Dangerous Liaisons (also not my period)--those are so fucking perfect. And the Connie period dramas, well... I think of them as primarily "silent movies" or "old movies," actually. Of those, The Student of Prague, ToB and The Wandering Jew are the best "costume" ones, IMHO. (I'd probs enjoy Lucrezia Borgia and Carlos and Elisabeth way more, were the copies we have not so smudgy.)

16: Name a movie you love that you would recommend to just about everyone.

-Ah, but we know there are always cynical cunts out there who'd give even Casablanca two stars, so what's the point? I'd still recommend it, though. And The Lion King, I guess.

17: Name a movie you love that you consider an acquired taste.

-Honestly, I'm thinking of telly rather than movies again. You will pry my cherished copy of The Time Monster from my cold, dead hands. Does The Devil of Winterborne count as a movie or TV? That's how far back my love for Mark Gatiss goes. Um... Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood makes me fucking cry with laughter (the comedic timing is what does it. *beat* "Ain't dat some shit!"). Of Connie's oeuvre, yes, I know Bella Donna is rubbish, but Connie and Mary are SIZZLING and horny and juicy and it's Valid as a BDSM porn movie. And the novel is actually good.

18: Name a film you like directed by/starring a filmmaker/actor you normally don't care for.

-Not so much actor/director, but I did *not* expect to love Thor as much as I did, because I expected a dumb popcorn movie but got great adventure cinema with a touch of Shakespeare instead. I really am not the right audience for regular Marvel features at all, before or after. Fuck Marvel up its dumb macho Republican ass. But Thor is fucking beautiful and operatic and poetic and majestic and Pagan and shit. Branagh knows what I like.

19: Name a movie that blew your mind.

-A Woman's Face (1941). Because. Holy. Fuck. How can I keep on finding yet more details in it six years after first watching it, having watched it countless times by now?! And obvs all the other stuff, like the shockingly good female POV, amazing and complex woman protagonist, amazing writing, amazing ensemble cast, amazing direction, amazing lighting, amazing evil Torsten Slinkypussy Barring and The. Goddamn. Attic. Scene.

20: What genre mash-up would you most love to see that either hasn't been done yet or hasn't been done enough?

-Feminist-savvy historical romance with fantasy elements and hot explicit sex that's not shit. Basically, like the stuff you see in my fics, but better paced and woven into coherent adventure movies.

21: The coolest movie you've ever seen

-Too, too many. But Bogie was the coolest. And Claude Rains had the best acting skills. And Conrad Veidt was Conrad motherfucking Veidt. So what with those three mountains of coolness all converging under the Moroccan sky, I'm sure it's safe to say "Casablanca."

[anonthenullifier]

scarlet visions meeting the rest of the young avengers?

Hello! This one is quite a bit outside of my comfort zone as I do not write anything Young Avengers, but I’ll give it a shot. Side note: I did not include Vision/Jonas because, in my Scarlet Vision timeline/series I really have no firm idea how he would come to exist. 

I hope you enjoy it!

“What do you think?”

Vision shifts his hips as he leans forward, heels tapping the side of the building they are sitting atop as he considers his wife’s question. The skirmish below has been persisting for almost twenty three and a half minutes, a time that is not unacceptable, per se, but also not impressive given the opponent is a low level necromancer with a small contingent of undead henchmen. He and Wanda could dispense of such foes in less than five minutes and forty five seconds (as the most conservative estimate) and that includes at least three brushes of his hand along Wanda’s back and one lost-in-the-moment kiss (they’re signature move, or so they have been informed). “They are a bit,” the sheer variety of flashing colors due to the powerful attacks is disorienting from up here, so he imagines it is far worse on the ground, which could be contributing to the overall fight, “discombobulated.”

“Yeah, they aren’t working together, like,” Wanda releases her grip on the thermos of hot chocolate, the air this high frigid, only part of the reason they are snuggled close, his cape and arm wrapped around her, and points a finger at the fight, “Tommy keeps breaking from the group to run, he knows better than that.”

A habit their son has been quite insistent on not breaking, even with various lessons of teamwork in the backyard. “I believe that could be slightly contributed to Billy working closely with,” the roster for the Young Avenger Initiative streams through his mind until he lands on the correct face, “Hulkling, perhaps Tommy is unable to apply our lessons to a group of three.”

“Billy does seem very comfortable with Teddy.” Her voice is identical to the way both Tony and Natasha would talk to him about Wanda, a long long time ago.

“I believe you set the rule we could not insinuate his relationship until he expressly informs us.”

Wanda bumps his shoulder, an action that requires barely any movement to be effective given their close proximity, “I don’t think they can hear us up here.” The hot chocolate hovers to her lips as they watch the continued attacks below, each action and movement unhelpfully independent from the others in the team. “Oh, Cassie’s growing.”

Stature, or so her file indicates is her preferred hero name, is gigantic yet again, but Vision cannot tell if the growth is strategic and purposeful or part of every hero’s experimentation (Wanda calls it a guessing game) with their newfound abilities. “Hawkeye has broken another window.”

“So when do we step in?”

Vision finds his shoulders rising and falling of their own accord as he runs through Captain Rogers’ instructions. “We were told to only intervene if there is a teachable moment, otherwise we must remain purely observational.”

“Well I’d say not working as a team is teachable,” something Vision wholeheartedly concurs with, “just have to wait for Nate to re-materialize from wherever he went.”

Iron Lad’s file is the densest of the group, a dizzying yet enjoyable puzzle Vision spent the afternoon studying, yet he still shares Wanda’s exasperation at watching the young man flicker and weave in and out of the fight. “How shall we proceed, once he returns?”

The thermos hovers again as her eyes squint, lips pursing in contemplation and the sight fills him with a comfortable, familiar warmth. “I say we go with a shield drop and then,” Wanda hums a little as she continues to watch the melee, body wiggling slightly while she cycles through the available attack patterns, “I’ll do a Scarlet burst while you take out the henchmen and we end with a Poltergeist.”

Her plan would certainly eliminate the threat, but, “That is quite dramatic.”

Wanda shrugs at this, “They’re more likely to remember something showy.”

A tactic they have occasionally fallen back on when training the boys, particularly for dull and repetitive drills. If they can demonstrate how the skill might lead to a full powered application, then the repetitiveness is suddenly deemed worthwhile. “Very well. Nathaniel is back.”

Vision stands first, hand reaching down to help Wanda up, her powers rearranging their observation tools into neat piles they can easily retrieve afterwards. Once Wanda is ready she turns towards him, the giddy grin on her face one she flashes him anytime they’re about to, in her words, kick some serious ass. She steps towards him, their bodies flush, a requirement of the maneuver, and her hands trace the vibranium clasp of his cape, “Remember, Maximoff, I’m not as young as I used to be.”

He wraps his arms around her waist, bending to place a kiss to her lips that accompanies his whispered promise, “I will be gentle.”

A synchronized, centering inhale and they exhale while stepping off the edge of the building, a scarlet concave shield forming underneath their feet, helping to even out the rush of air billowing his cape and her hair upwards. One minor turn of their bodies realigns them closer to the villain and that’s when he increases his density to speed up their descent, Wanda’s powers flowing more steadily in preparation of landing, and then, right at the last second, Vision goes incorporeal, depositing Wanda in a bubble of pulsating red on the ground as he phases through the cement. Based on visual data from their reconnaissance on the roof, he emerges precisely four feet from Wanda, hands phasing into the undead henchman within a millisecond of reappearing. In his periphery, as he phases and dismantles the lackeys, he can see the mesmerizing crackle of scarlet in the air and its reflection on the building, a technique meant to disorient a foe (and sometimes him, if he is not careful). Vision also intercepts chatter via his auditory processor some Wows a holy shit and then, a smile forming on his face at once again embarrassing his children, a plaintive and annoyed seriously from Billy and an unfortunate expletive from Tommy (which means yet one more lecture on language and perhaps mentioning the continued issue with Steve).

The density shifting assault continues until Wanda’s powers grow into an overwhelming frenzy, a long established cue for the next phase of the attack, the last henchman crumbling to the ground as Vision hovers, bringing his body horizontal and parallel to the ground. He flies directly towards his wife, phasing just as he reaches her, her body shivering at his passing through, and then he bursts from the cloud of scarlet, advancing on the necromancer and solidifying his body just in time to deliver a blow to the man’s chest, sending him backwards onto the ground. Scarlet ropes tether the man to the cement, Wanda sauntering up next to Vision, her hand dipping below his cape for a congratulatory squeeze, which kickstarts his body into an operantly conditioned response of turning towards his wife, his fingers tangling in her hair as he breathes in her essence, their mouths meeting and the world simply falling away.

Tommy’s irritated, “What are you doing here?” forces them to remember that they are here for a purpose.

A slow, easy step backwards angles Vision’s body towards the teens, their faces familiar from the files, their attributes and personalities clear in his head based on the stories the boys tell, but this is the first time meeting the members of the initiative. Half of them stand with arms crossed and perturbed stares, while the others form a spectrum from amused to curious to horrified (Billy, in this instance). “Captain Rogers assigned Wanda and myself to supervise your mission.”

Iron Lad, one of the arms-crossed cohort, and, from Vision’s understanding, the de facto leader, wades into the conversation. “Last I checked supervising’s not the same as intervening.”

“You are correct.”

Wanda’s hand brushes his shoulder, a tight smile on her face lets Vision know she wishes to handle the issue, and so he stops talking, acquiescing to her desire with a small nod. “We also had orders to step in if we felt you weren’t performing at your best.” She shrugs, it’s small, indifferent, but that is not the same as meek, the dismissive and authoritative tone of her voice setting the young heroes up to challenge her at their own risk, “You were nowhere near your best.”

The comment incites many displeased glares, a muttered bullshit from someone that better not have been Tommy, yet none of the young heroes immediately counter back. In the two second silence, Vision determines to utilize a softer approach meant to harmonize Wanda’s bluntness, a, as he has heard in the common lexicon, good-cop, bad-cop paradigm. “Why were,” Vision realizes they had not determined what to go by in the presence of Billy and Tommy’s compatriots, whether they remain causal with first names, go formal with Mr. and Mrs. Maximoff, or if they utilize hero names, for which his is no different than the casual but Wanda has some social distance. He determines to remain undecided and rely on pronouns and hand gestures to clarify the subjects of his sentence, “we able to subdue the foe far quicker than you?”

Cassie shrugs, gloved hand flinging out to the side to emphasize the obviousness of the response, “Because you’ve been heroes forever.”

A fair statement but not specific enough, so Vision tries the question from a more direct angle, “Though true, that is not sufficient to justify how we eliminated the threat in three minutes and thirty four seconds and you were unable to do so in the twenty eight minutes and fifty six seconds before our intervention.” The information might have a greater impact on them than Wanda’s prior words, if the increased gloom on their faces is an indication. “What actions did we take that differed from your own and thus contributed to our efficiency?”

“Listen,” Kate - or Hawkeye, as she has been passed the mantle from Clint, a surprise to everyone that it was not one of his own children to carry on the name (though that was a relief to Laura) - points her bow first at Vision and Wanda, “if I have to make-out with them,” the bow sweeps to the right to indicate the rest of the team, “to win a fight, I’m out.”

Sniggers follow her sardonic response, though Billy seems to be blanching at the turn in conversation, and then Cassie throws an arm over the archer’s shoulder, “You know I’m the best choice.”

“That,” Vision glances at Wanda, receiving an unhelpful shrug as the teens in front of them begin arguing over who would be the ideal makeout partner to end a fight, “that is not the,” the thing with having twin boys is that there is always arguing over which, sometimes, unfortunately, one must raise a voice to get attention back. What Vision failed to consider is the amplification of distracted chatter that would occur with numerous individuals of this age. “Wanda?”

A scarlet spark erupts in the middle of the group with a, “Pay attention.” The only two that look somewhat remorseful are Hulkling and Iron Lad, but at least the rest are quiet, mostly. “Making out has only ever won us three, maybe four fights. Plus,” a warning rings in her voice as Wanda moves her gaze across each of their faces, “only consensual making out during and after fights.”

“I-” Vision nods, trying to follow-up the comment but insteads cycles back to the original, “Yes, thank you. What tactical difference was there between your fight and ours?”

Being an Avenger has been Vision’s full-time job from his creation, one he has considered leaving, on occasion, but can never fully commit to such an enormous change. In this moment, with the silence thickening as elongated seconds pass and the group in front of him all seem interested in everything but him, he determines being a teacher is not in his future, his fingers growing antsy at the continued hush. But then Teddy meets his eyes, an unsure but hopeful smirk on his face as he raises his hand, “Yes, Hulkling?”

“Um, well, Vis- Mr. Maximoff?” At least he is not alone in his uncertainty of names, “Maybe we could have been more,” he lifts his hands, starting them far apart and swooping them until they meet, fingers clasped, “together in our attacks?”

Wanda sends them all a beaming, proud smile, “Yes, your teamwork and cohesiveness needs a lot of work.” Her arm loops through Vision’s, tugging him towards her until their sides are touching, “We trained over and over and over again on coordinated attacks, studied each others powers-”

A quiet, “And mouths,” comes from the archer but Wanda keeps moving without acknowledgement.

“It is rare that one person alone eliminates a threat.” She pauses, emphasizing the fact. “Figure out how to be a unit and you won’t have to be saved by us again.”

The words may sink in, they may not, none of the individuals in front of them betray their thoughts, until Iron Lad nods, lips arching downwards in thought. “I think we,” he turns to his teammates, “should go work on that.”

A chorus of sures and okays go along with the decision as the group starts to leave, Billy and Tommy hanging back, clearly torn between what to do, though Vision is not certain why. “So,” Billy interlaces his fingers while he haltingly proceeds with his thought, “can we go or do we have, you know, curfew?”

“I believe in this instance,” Vision mentally confirms his answer with Wanda before offering it to the boys, “you may be home later than usual.”

“Awesome.”

Once the boys are gone, the necromancer deposited safely in a containment cell awaiting a meeting with a judge in the morning, and they are back home, snuggled on the couch, Wanda nodding off on his chest as his hands work through her hair, he finally reaches a decision he had been waiting to make until he’d been able to process the evening. “They seem an admirable group.”

[dipulb3]

LG G1 OLED TV review: Tough to improve on near-perfection

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/lg-g1-oled-tv-review-tough-to-improve-on-near-perfection/

LG G1 OLED TV review: Tough to improve on near-perfection

For years OLED TVs have delivered the best image quality available with display technology that has remained largely unchanged, but LG promised something even better for 2021. The G1 has an all-new panel not available on any other TV LG sells. The company calls it Evo and says it achieves higher brightness and improved color. My verdict? Yes, it’s slightly better than before but even in a side-by-side comparison, it was difficult to tell the difference.

Like

Best picture quality we’ve ever tested

Slightly brighter than previous models

Beautiful slim design perfect for wall-mounting

Don’t Like

Expensive

Image quality improvements over cheaper OLED TVs are minor

I set up the G1 next to the CX, the best TV I reviewed in 2020, measured both and watched a variety of TV shows, movies and games. The G1 was indeed a bit brighter than the CX but color was nearly identical, as were other aspects of picture quality like video processing and uniformity. Both looked spectacular, however, and in most material I really couldn’t say one looked better than the other.

Now playing: Watch this: LG G1 TV review: Can OLED picture quality get even better?

8:56

The main advantage the G1 has over the CX and pretty much every other OLED TV is its unique design. This TV is made to be wall-mounted — quite literally; it doesn’t even come with a stand! If you want to put it on a piece of furniture, as shown in the images in this review, you’ll have to pay $100 extra for LG’s little side legs. And that would be a shame, because something this thin should really be on a wall.

New for 2021 LG has improved its already best-in-class gaming features by adding picture modes especially for games, as well as a convenient menu that shows all gaming info and adjustments in one place. There’s a new remote and a new smart TV homepage, too. The more affordable C1 shares those features with the G1, however.

At this point, the G1 is the best TV I’ve ever tested — by a nose. I have yet to review its competitor from Sony, the A90J, which also promises a brighter panel, or any other high-end TVs like Samsung’s Neo QLED models, so that title might not last. But for people who don’t have money to burn, the extra picture quality of the G1 probably isn’t worth the extra money over mainstream OLED models like the CX or C1.

Get to know the LG G1 series

It comes in three sizes and costs a bundle: 55-inch ($2,200), 65-inch ($3,000) and 77-inch ($4,500). 

It differs from the less expensive C1 series by offering fewer sizes (the C1 has 48-inch and 82-inch options too), that Evo panel and the slimmer, wall-mount-centric Gallery design. The C1 also lacks a far-field mic for hands-free voice and a Next-Gen TV tuner, both relatively minor extras included on the G1.

OLED display technology is fundamentally different from the LED LCD technology used in the vast majority of today’s TVs, including Samsung and TCL’s QLED models.

The best LCD TVs I’ve reviewed so far scored a 9 in image quality, while OLEDs TVs like the G1 have scored a 10. High-end LCDs (especially with HDR) are brighter than OLEDs, but the picture quality on OLED TVs, including that of this G1, is superior overall.

All OLED TVs are more subject to both temporary and permanent image retention, aka burn-in, than LCD TVs. We at CNET don’t consider burn-in a reason for most people to avoid buying an OLED TV, however. Check out our guide to OLED burn-in for more.

Throw it at the wall

A TV doesn’t get any more minimalist than this. Like many sets these days the G1 is pretty much all picture when seen from the front, but it’s the side view that sets it apart. It measures just 0.8 inches deep and is designed for nearly flush wall-mounting. And as I mentioned at the top, it doesn’t even come with a tabletop stand: If you want a stand mount, it will cost $100 extra.

The G1 comes with a wall-mount bracket inset into a cavity on the back for a practically flush mount.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Here’s what it looks like flush against the wall.

Sarah Tew/CNET

This TV’s design is wasted if you don’t wall-mount it. LG includes a custom bracket in the box and instructions that make it easy to slap up yourself if you’re at all handy — although I’m guessing most people in this price bracket will hire somebody to do the job. Thanks to an inset on the back of the TV the wall mount doesn’t add any extra depth, allowing the G1 to hug the wall and present a very slim profile. Channels are built into the TV’s back to run cables through, for a cleaner installation behind the TV. LG recommends using molding to hide cables on the wall itself. Note: I didn’t mount it myself in my test basement, but I’ve mounted plenty of TVs before and this one seems like it would be a simple job.

LG’s redesigned remote still has lots of buttons and motion control.

Sarah Tew/CNET

LG revamped the remote a bit. It kept my favorite features, namely the scroll wheel and motion-tracking, while slimming it down slightly. The biggest difference is the shortcut keys at the bottom: four for streaming services and two more for the built-in voice assistants, Google Assistant and Amazon Alexa. The former wasn’t yet available on my G1 review sample, but LG says it will be soon. 

The G1 is also equipped with a far-field mic (not available on the C1) so you can simply say the wake word to get the TV to respond, no remote required. It responded just like I’d expect from a smart speaker to my “Alexa” commands.

Based on my experience with the CX, both Google and Alexa can do all the usual assistant stuff, including control smart home devices, answer questions and respond via a voice coming out of the TV’s speakers (yep, both voices). Basics like “What’s the weather?” works as you’d expect, complete with onscreen feedback. The G1 also works with Apple’s AirPlay 2 system, just like many other TVs, allowing my iPhone to share photos and video to the screen from the Photos app and mirror my Mac and phone screens. 

LG’s webOS menu system got a facelift for 2021 — and I’m not a fan. Gone is the small, unobtrusive overlay at the bottom of the screen that lets you keep tabs on what you’re watching. Instead there’s a full-screen homepage, similar to Roku, Fire TV and Android TV. But it has fewer apps and more, well, junk. The top two-thirds of the screen are devoted to the weather, setup tips, a search window and a Trending Now section with a random collection of TV shows and movies. Below that is an app row and, further down, sections devoted to inputs and particular streaming apps. In general it feels like a hodgepodge with too much going on, and most systems are simpler and easier to grasp.

The new homepage takes up the entire screen.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Features galore, state-of-the-art connectivity

LG says its Evo panel, available only on the G1 this year, uses a “new luminous element” for more precise lighting. The construction of the OLED pixel itself is different, with new materials for red and blue and a new green layer, all of which have narrower wavelengths compared to the pixels used on other OLED TVs. 

Key TV features

Display technology OLED LED backlight N/A Resolution 4K HDR compatible HDR10 and Dolby Vision Smart TV Web OS Remote Motion

Otherwise the G1 has the same image quality features as the C1, starting with the new Gen 4 a9 processing chip that adds scene detection and upgraded object enhancement over last year’s version. Both the G1 and C1 also have a 120Hz refresh rate. The entry-level A1 OLEDs, meanwhile, have a more basic a7 processor and 60Hz refresh rate. 

Just like last year, LG’s OLED TVs’ picture settings include a Filmmaker Mode. As promised, it turns off the soap opera effect for film-based content (yay) but so do many other modes in the G1. While plenty accurate, Filmmaker Mode is also relatively dim so I ended up using Cinema and ISF Bright for most critical viewing.

Sarah Tew/CNET

All of LG’s recent OLED models (except the A1) include the latest version of the HDMI standard: 2.1. That means their HDMI ports can handle 4K at 120 frames per second and variable refresh rate (VRR, including NVIDIA G-sync and AMD FreeSync), as well as enhanced audio return channel (eARC) and automatic low latency mode (ALLM, or auto game mode). That means they can take advantage of the latest graphics features available on PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X and S. New for 2021 is a Game Optimizer mode that puts all of the TVs’ gaming-related settings in one place; see below for details.

The selection of connections is otherwise top-notch, though it no longer supports analog component video. There’s also a dedicated headphone or analog audio output and another for IR blasters, which could ease some installations.

Four HDMI inputs with HDMI 2.1, HDCP 2.2

Three USB 2.0 ports

Optical digital audio output

Analog audio 3.5mm headphone output

RF (antenna) input

RS-232 port (minijack, for service only)

IR blaster port (minijack)

Ethernet (LAN) port

Sarah Tew/CNET

Picture quality comparisons

With its slightly better picture and a couple of other minor improvements the G1 beat the CX, my previous picture quality champ, in side-by-side comparisons. According to my measurements and eyeballs, however, the brightness difference was minor enough to be invisible at times, and just about every other aspect of picture quality was virtually identical. Both TVs looked a tad better than the less expensive Vizio OLED. 

Dim lighting: The G1 performed like a champ with the lights down low — and so did the other two OLED TVs in my comparison. I checked out The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey on standard Blu-ray, and they all appeared more or less uniformly excellent: perfect black levels in the letterbox bars and deep shadows of Bilbo’s living room during the dark Dwarven chant (36:58) and plenty of details in the shadows and clothing of Thorin and company. I couldn’t see any real advantage of the G1 with this kind of theatrical situation in standard (non-HDR) material.

Bright lighting: For a TV billed by LG as an improvement in brightness, the G1’s measurements didn’t really stand out. Yes, it did measure brighter than last year’s CX by 129 nits in the most accurate HDR modes, but that’s not a huge leap and proved tough to discern in most program material. I was also surprised that the C9 I reviewed from 2019 was brighter at maximum light output and basically the same in its accurate mode. As usual, any high-end LCD is much brighter. 

Light output in nits

TV Brightest (SDR) Accurate color (SDR) Brightest (HDR) Accurate color (HDR) TCL 65R635 1,114 792 1,292 1,102 Sony XBR-65X900H 841 673 989 795 Vizio P65Q9-H1 768 629 1,305 1,084 Samsung QN65Q80T 664 503 1,243 672 LG OLED65G1 377 334 769 763 LG OLED65CX 377 290 690 634 LG OLED65C9 (2019) 451 339 851 762

I asked LG’s representatives whether my particular review sample’s brightness was typical of other G1’s and they said it was. As always, different sizes and samples can produce variations.

LG OLEDs of recent vintage have a setting called Peak Brightness that boosts the light output for SDR sources in Cinema and Expert modes. The idea is to increase contrast for brighter viewing environments while maintaining the superior color accuracy of those modes. As with most TVs, the brightest mode for HDR and SDR (Vivid on the G1) is horribly inaccurate. For the accurate color columns above on the G1, I used ISF Expert Bright (Peak Brightness: High) for SDR and Cinema mode for HDR — I recommend G1 owners do the same to get good color in bright rooms.

All recent OLED sets are still plenty bright enough for just about any viewing environment. Yes, they do get quite a bit dimmer than LCDs when showing full-screen white — a hockey game, for example — but even in those situations they’re hardly dim. The G1’s screen preserved black levels and reduced reflections very well.

Color accuracy: LG claims better color with the new Evo panel but according to my measurements and eyeballs, it’s tough to spot any difference. Color on the CX was excellent and the G1 was basically the same. An LG rep told me that the G1’s white color could look more pure, like in a hockey match, but I didn’t see or measure any differences in full-field white/gray (ones that weren’t due to very small differences in grayscale after calibration, at least). 

Watching The Hobbit was mostly the same story, although at times greens, like the grass and hillsides of the Shire (12:24), appeared a bit more greenish and less yellowish on the G1. It was a subtle difference at best, and again I didn’t see or measure any difference in green test patterns, but it could be due to the new panel. Maybe.

Color on the G1 was nonetheless extremely accurate both before and after calibration. The warm tones of Bag End’s interior and Bilbo’s skin were inviting and intimate, and outside his hobbit hole the green of the grass and trees in the golden hour sun, and the red and blue circular doorways on Bagshot Row, looked brilliant and natural. The same could be said for the other OLED TVs, however, and none delivered significantly better color than another.

Video processing: LG goes to great lengths to tout the improvement of its processing every year, but watching various material in the best picture settings the CX and G1 looked largely identical to me. 

Motion handling on the G1 is excellent and a touch better than the CX. Under TruMotion, the new Cinematic Movement setting (the default for Cinema mode) served up 24-frame cadence with a very slight hint of smoothing, improving on last year’s too-smooth Cinema Clear setting while preserving 600 lines of motion resolution. 24p purists who want no smoothing at all will opt for the Off position (the default for Filmmaker mode) and suffer the low motion resolution, while tweakers will appreciate the fine granularity of the User De-Judder mode to dial in the right amount of smoothness; anything four or lower introduced some judder to my eye, conveying a sense of film rather than soap opera effect. De-Blur settings of five or higher deliver the full 600 lines of motion resolution.

User also opens up the OLED Motion Pro menu with three levels of black frame insertion that further improve motion resolution, with 800 lines in Low and a full 1200 in Med and High. The latter introduces flicker, unfortunately, and all three are a bit dimmer than Off, but if blur really bugs you then they’re worth experimenting with. One improvement over last year is that engaging OLED Motion Pro no longer totally crushes shadow detail — it’s a bit worse but still very good. Still, I’d choose to leave it off and sacrifice some motion resolution for maximum light output and shadow detail.

Uniformity: Like all OLEDs I’ve tested the G1 was exemplary in this area, with no significant brightness or color variations across the screen and nearly perfect image quality from off-angle. Compared to the CX I did see a bit more color shift toward magenta in extreme angles with full-field mid-bright and brighter test patterns, but it disappeared when I moved closer to on-axis and never affected the image from a normal viewing angle.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Gaming: The G1’s superb image quality carries over to games, and some of its biggest 2021 features upgrades are gaming-related. The new Game Optimizer is the name of both a picture mode and a full menu system. The latter offers all-new tweaks including four game genre modes: Standard, FPS mode (said to boost shadow detail), RPG mode (to boost contrast) and RTS mode (said to enhance mid-grayscale areas). There are also sliders labeled Black Stabilizer (for adjusting dark areas) and White Stabilizer (for bright areas), as well as the OLED Motion Pro setting described above (LG says it’s particularly useful for games) and the Reduce Blue light setting (said to be easier on the eyes).

I started my test in standard mode with settings at their defaults with Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla at 4K/60Hz and HDR running through my distribution amp so I could compare against the other TVs. Conducting a nighttime raid, the G1 looked most similar to the CX and the Vizio in its standard mode and all three TVs looked excellent, with the G1 delivering a touch better shadow detail already. Switching to FPS upped details even further but washed out the image a bit much for this cinematic game — although I can see it being useful in an actual FPS game if you want to reveal lurking enemies, or a very dark HDR game like Ghost of Tsushima. The RTS setting did boost midtones at the expense of some contrast, while RPG looked quite close to standard, if not as impactful to my eye. In any case it’s cool having these extra adjustment options, and I liked that they each get a dedicated menu.

Next I connected my Xbox Series X directly to the G1 to test advanced video features. VRR worked as expected, significantly reducing tearing in Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, and I appreciated the prominent toggle and indicator in the Game Optimizer menu that assured me VRR was engaged. Another slider labeled Fine Tune Dark Areas is available to address the issue of VRR looking too dark. I headed deep into a crypt where VRR was crushing shadows a bit — cranking up that setting, as well as the Black Stabilizer, helped. The flipside is that doing so spoiled black levels and washed out the look of the game, so (as a card-carrying contrast fiend) I’d avoid using it unless it really hurts your gameplay.

I also tried 4K/120Hz on Gears 5 and Star Wars: Squadrons, but the extra smoothness and framerate were difficult to discern in most cases. I appreciate that some games, like Ori and the Will of the Wisps, showed a splash screen indicating that 120fps was active, but most did not. I looked for confirmation in LG’s display menu but, unfortunately, it doesn’t have any. Samsung’s new 2021 Game Bar, on the other hand, does indicate 120fps.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Buried within Game Optimizer is another setting labeled “Reduce input delay (input lag)” with two options, Standard and Boost. The former, which is the default for any game, serves up an excellent lag number similar to past LG OLED models: just 13.1ms for both 1080p and 4K HDR sources. Engaging Boost cuts lag even further, to just under 10ms for both. The catch is that Boost is only available for 60Hz sources, so you can’t use it with 120Hz games or VRR. And no, I don’t think many humans would notice the extra 3ms of lag.

HDR and 4K video: It’s with HDR that you’d expect the G1’s brightness advantage to be most visible, but watching the 4K Blu-ray version of The Hobbit, differences were again very slight. Highlights like the sky behind the elven king as he turns away from Thorin (7:59) or the window in Bilbo’s study (9:06) measured slightly brighter on the G1 than on the CX according to my light meter but without measuring it was tough to see the difference by eye, even when compared side by side. Highlights on the Vizio appeared visibly dimmer than either one, for less HDR pop, but the differences were much narrower between the two LGs.

Color was likewise pretty much equally spectacular on the LGs and a step behind on the Vizio, which looked a bit duller in Bilbo’s garden and the blue sky for example (13:25). Any color improvement afforded by the G1’s new panel tech over the CX was less visible with HDR than with SDR.

I also checked out some of the most revealing HDR content around: the montage of images from the Spears and Munsil 4K HDR benchmark. Again the G1 was superb and better by a slight margin than the CX, but the G1 failed to really distance itself. Most scenes looked very similar between all three, from the crashing waves to the sunsets to the flowers to the objects on black backgrounds, and in most cases when I saw a difference it was the Vizio lagging a bit behind the other two. Spot measurements revealed mildly brighter highlights on the G1 but I couldn’t tell the difference without measuring.

The benchmark also has a 4,000 nit montage to test content mastered at that level and; again, both LGs looked very similar. They outclassed the Vizio, which looked somewhat flat in some scenes in comparison.

Picture settings, HDR notes and charts

CNET is no longer publishing advanced picture settings for any TVs we review. Instead, we’ll give more general recommendations to get the best picture without listing the detailed white balance or color management system (CMS) settings we may have used to calibrate the TV. As always, the settings provided are a guidepost, and if you want the most accurate picture you should get a professional calibration.

Before my calibration for this review the Cinema and preset was the most accurate, excellent in terms of grayscale and gamma with just a slight reddish cast (but still within my error target of delta 3). Since I now target a 2.2 gamma for my reviews dark rooms it was closer than ISF Expert Dark or the new Filmmaker modes, which both target gamma 2.4/BT 1886. ISF Bright was basically identical to Cinema, but I reserved that for brighter rooms.

For my calibration I tweaked the two-point grayscale to remove the red cast, reduced light output to my target of 137 nits and increased brightness two pips to help with shadow detail (while still keeping perfect black levels), but otherwise I left well enough alone. The grayscale and color were already so accurate on my LG-provided review sample that I didn’t need to touch the multipoint system or the color management system.

SDR dark room settings:

Picture menu:

Select Mode: Cinema (User)

Aspect Ratio Settings: 16:9 (Just Scan: On)

Additional Settings menu:

Brightness submenu:

OLED Pixel Brightness: 48

Contrast: 85

Screen Brightness: 52

Auto Dynamic Contrast: Off

Peak Brightness: Off

Gamma (Adjust Brightness): 2.2

Black Level: Auto

Motion Eye Care: Off

Color submenu:

Color Depth: 50

Tint: 0

Color Gamut: Auto Detect

Fine Tune menu: 

Color Upgrade: Off (no other adjustments)

White Balance menu:

Color Temperature: Warm 49 (no other adjustments)

Clarity submenu:

Sharpness: 0

Color: 50

Tint: 0

Super Resolution: Off

Noise Reduction, MPEG Noise Reduction: Off [for low-quality sources, some users may prefer to enable noise reduction]

Smooth gradation: Off [for low-quality sources, some users may prefer to enable]

Cinema Screen: On [may be grayed out depending on source]

TruMotion: Cinematic Movement

Reduce Blue Light: Off

SDR bright room setting [all default except for below]:

Picture Mode Settings: ISF Bright Room

Brightness menu:

OLED light: 100

Peak Brightness: High

HDR Notes: HDR Cinema and Filmmaker mode were very similar, following the electro-optical transfer function — how the TV converts data to a specific brightness — quite closely and better than Cinema Home, but Cinema was about 70 nits brighter so it’s my favorite of the three. Game Optimizer is best for gaming thanks to its processing but quite blue; for the best color accuracy for gaming you should adjust the color temperature control (Color > White Balance > Color temperatureW45).

Color checker was slightly more accurate than on the CX from last year but not great, and HDR Color Checker was worse. As usual with OLED the set covered P3 HDR gamut very well. The G1 measured brighter than the CX or the B9 from 2019, but the C9 from 2019 actually measured brighter in its least accurate and basically the same in its most-accurate settings. Once again the TV automatically detected and engaged the “HDMI Ultra HD Deep Color” setting designed for HDR sources.

TV software/firmware version tested: 3.10.29

Geek box

Test Result Score Black luminance (0%) 0.000 Good Peak white luminance (SDR) 377 Average Avg. gamma (10-100%) 2.18 Good Avg. grayscale error (10-100%) 0.40 Good Dark gray error (30%) 0.42 Good Bright gray error (80%) 0.33 Good Avg. color checker error 0.80 Good Avg. saturation sweeps error 0.79 Good Avg. color error 0.94 Good Red error 2.22 Good Green error 0.64 Good Blue error 0.46 Good Cyan error 0.97 Good Magenta error 0.98 Good Yellow error 0.36 Good 1080p/24 Cadence (IAL) Pass Good Motion resolution (max) 1200 Good Motion resolution (dejudder off) 600 Average Input lag (Game mode) 13.10 Good HDR10 Black luminance (0%) 0.000 Good Peak white luminance (10% win) 769 Average Gamut % UHDA/P3 (CIE 1976) 98.91 Good ColorMatch HDR error 5.25 Poor Avg. color checker error 3.29 Average Input lag (Game mode, 4K HDR) 13.10 Good

LG G1 OLED TV CNET review c… by David Katzmaier

Portrait Displays Calman calibration software was used in this review. 

How We Test TVs

[droneseco]

AndaSeat Jungle Series Is a Great Gaming Chair for the Price

AndaSeat Jungle Series Gaming Chair

8.00 / 10

Read Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

Read More Reviews

See on amazon

As long as you're slightly smaller than me, the AndaSeat Jungle Series gaming chair is a perfect option. It's relatively affordable, comfortable, well-built, and tasteful in the looks department.

Specifications

Brand: Andaseat

Material: PVC leather with memory foam cushion

Height Adjustable: Yes, up to 6'5"

Adjustable Arms: 2D adjustable

Recline: 160 degrees

Maximum Load Weight: 265

Pros

Reasonably-priced

Extremely comfortable as long as you're under 265 pounds

Low-key look won't take over your room

Cons

Lumbar pillow is a little thick

Doesn't work well for tall people

Hard armrests

Buy This Product

AndaSeat Jungle Series Gaming Chair amazon

Shop

// Bottom var galleryThumbs1 = new Swiper('.gallery-thumbs-1', { spaceBetween: 10, slidesPerView: 10, freeMode: true, watchSlidesVisibility: true, watchSlidesProgress: true, centerInsufficientSlides: true, allowTouchMove: false, preventClicks: false, breakpoints: { 1024: { slidesPerView: 6, } }, }); // Top var galleryTop1 = new Swiper('.gallery-top-1', { spaceBetween: 10, allowTouchMove: false, loop: true, preventClicks: false, breakpoints: { 1024: { allowTouchMove: true, } }, navigation: { nextEl: '.swiper-button-next', prevEl: '.swiper-button-prev', }, thumbs: { swiper: galleryThumbs1 } });

Gaming chairs are quickly becoming one of the most popular accessories for gamers. You can't turn on a Twitch stream or watch a YouTube video without seeing the host sitting comfortably on one form of gaming chair or another.

A company that's making waves in the gaming chair space is AndaSeat. The firm got attention with its Fnatic Edition chair (check out our full review of that chair) and with its newly-announced high-end AndaSeat T-Pro 2 luxury gaming chair.

Now, the company has a seat targeted explicitly at gamers on a budget (and those who aren't of the larger variety) with its AndaSeat Jungle Edition chair. Rather than breaking the bank at $500 or more like many other chairs, this one comes in with a $299 price tag, which is quite reasonable for what it brings to the table.

With that said, does the AndaSeat Jungle Edition do enough to make it worth buying?

Design

This chair seems to be designed for the gamer who doesn't want huge graphics and busy color schemes. Instead, it comes in only two colorways: solid black and black and red. Both are tasteful, but we ended up going with the lowkey all-black model for our review.

There are a couple of small logos on the chair, but nothing that stands out too much. On the chair's back, right around where your shoulder blades rest, is an "AD" logo. On the lumbar support and headrest are the AndaSeat name, and the back has AndaSeat as well. The rest of the chair is a solid color with stitching accents that make it look good without being too aggressive.

Obviously, if you're looking for a gaming chair to serve as a conversation piece or a busy background for your stream, this might not be the best choice for you. But if you want a chair that'll look good in your office while still offering the racing seat design for which gaming chairs are known, this is an excellent option.

Features

As this is a more affordable chair, some of the higher-end AndaSeat features aren't included. Instead of the 4D armrests, the Jungle series gets 2D armrests. Basically, that means the armrests can only move up and down. The extra movement would be nice, but something had to give to get the chair down to a lower price, and that was it.

The chair is made with PVC leather, commonly referred to as Vinyl or not actual leather. However, the tradeoff for getting fake leather is increased stain-resistance, durability, and scratch-resistance.

So far, the chair has been able to handle everything I've thrown at it, so the PVC leather does seem to be doing its job in that regard. The other nice thing about PVC leather is that it's easy to clean, so you can simply wipe the chair down with a damp cloth to keep it looking good as new.

AndaSeat built this chair to both recline 160 degrees and rock back and forth, so you get the best of both worlds in terms of flexibility and usability.

Moving onto the chair's other features, you'll also get a neck pillow and lumbar pillow for extra support. Both are removable and can be placed in different spots depending on your height. This is yet another way the chair is able to be versatile to meet the needs of all different gamers (well, all different smaller gamers, since the chair doesn't work well for anyone larger than 265 pounds).

The chair also comes with wide wheels that are covered with PU rubber, which promises quieter rolling. For me, it wasn't quiet, but I live in an apartment with uneven and old wood floors (it was built over 100 years ago), so any chair is going to make some noise rolling over it. As long as you have a smooth floor, you should find that the wheels don't make too much noise.

This is not much of a feature, but it's worth mentioning that the chair rotates 360 degrees and does so entirely silently and with minimal effort.

Setup Process

The setup process wasn't too bad, and I was able to get the chair completely assembled by myself in about 30 minutes. The instructions are easy enough to follow, and none of the parts are so heavy that you won't be able to lift them.

The only part that took a little longer than I'd like was attaching the back of the chair to the seat (a problem my colleague Kris Wouk also faced when building the Fnatic Edtion chair in his review). Still, even that only added a couple of extra minutes to the process. It also took a bit of force to get the wheels to attach to the chair's base, but leaning on them and pushing with all of my weight made them click in nice and tight.

All of the tools you need to put the chair together come in the box (and it's a huge box), so even if you're not the type to spend time tinkering, you won't have to worry about running out to buy any extra tools to assemble the Jungle Series gaming chair.

As always, your mileage may vary when it comes to assembly should you choose to buy a chair (we all have different levels of patience when it comes to these sorts of things). I can say that the process was more or less painless in my experience, which started the chair-owning experience on a rather positive note.

Build Quality

It's hard to rate the build quality of something like a chair within the timeframe of a review. After all, most of the build quality shows itself after months and years of use. Still, I can say that chair feels quite solid and well-built.

The armrests feel strong and sturdy. The seat cushions are firm, so they don't feel like they'll give out after a while. The wheels don't seem like they're going to seize up anytime in the near future.

For AndaSeat's part, the chair sounds well-built too. The company says it uses a 22mm diameter enhanced steel frame to support the trials and tribulations gamers put it through. It also features a 55KG/M3 density foam padding that is designed to handle extended periods of use without giving way. In fact, the company promises years of use without losing its shape.

The company also offers a lifetime warranty on the steel framework and a two-year warranty for the other parts of the chair. Obviously, there are limitations (for example, the company won't cover rips in the PVC leather), but it's still nice to see AndaSeat is confident in its product.

Comfort

At the end of the day, the main thing that matters when buying a chair is comfort. The chair can look like a race car seat or the cockpit of a fighter jet, but if it isn't comfortable, none of that matters.

Fortunately, I found the AndaSeat Jungle Series chair to be quite comfortable, although I am a little big for it. I weigh 250 pounds, so I'm pretty close to the limit in terms of how much this chair is designed to hold. I also have large thighs from 20+ years of playing hockey, so the chair definitely felt like it was hugging me a little bit too much at first. As long as you are in the low 200 pounds or less range, the chair (which AndaSeat says is Medium), should fit you quite well.

I had some trepidations regarding the armrest, as I typically like my chairs to come with padded ones, and these are on the harder side. However, that wasn't an issue at all, and I found the slightly contoured shape of the armrests to be rather comfortable once I dialed in the height just right.

As far as the padding goes, it feels great. Of course, firmness is entirely subjective, and what everyone likes will vary greatly, but for me, the Jungle Series chair perfectly walks the line between being firm enough to be supportive and soft enough to be comfortable.

Personally, I don't like the lumbar support pillow that comes with the chair, so I took it off. I found that no matter where I positioned it, it stuck out a bit too far for my liking. It is soft and made of the same foam as the chair, so you might like it, but it wasn't for me.

The neck pillow works much better, though. I had to put it higher than the instructions called for since I'm fairly tall, but once I got it in the right position, leaning back during slow periods of gameplay felt great.

All in all, the chair is quite comfortable. For $300, I really have no complaints about the feel. I spend a good four to six hours sitting in it every single day of the week, and it feels good every time.

Should You Buy The AndaSeat Jungle Series Gaming Chair?

As long as you're slightly smaller than me, the AndaSeat Jungle Series gaming chair is a perfect option. It's relatively affordable, comfortable, well-built, and tasteful in the looks department.

If you're large (bigger than 260 or have larger-than-average thighs) you might want to look elsewhere. Also, if you're looking for something with flashy colors and logos, there are better options out there. But if you want a comfortable chair that won't completely dominate the look of your office, you should definitely grab one of these.

AndaSeat Jungle Series Is a Great Gaming Chair for the Price published first on http://droneseco.tumblr.com/

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: A Little Trouble, ch. 4

In a universe where the Legends returned to their earlier lives after Savage's defeat, Sara Lance is bored out of her mind. And then a certain crook turns up...

This, no joke, started with a dream. Set in an AU in which no one died at the Oculus, Miranda and Jonas lived, and Rip promised to return for the Legends-and hasn't, yet.

Can also be read here at AO3 and here at FF.net.

Yes, this is now going to be six chapters. Five is done and will be posted in the next few days. Six is in progress! 

@larielromeniel​ helped so much with this chapter and chapter 5, helping me untangle issues that came with multiple rewrites. She made the dance scene here SO much better! Many thanks.

Sara spreads a restless night, her imagination (and her body) informing her that she really should have seduced Len back at the hotel. She’s really glad, she decides, that Thea is out of town. For one thing, her friend would have figured out something was going on immediately.

She’s even gladder that she’s managed to avoid Felicity since Len first showed up. She’s confused enough about her feelings without the other woman making one of her typical, oddly perceptive guesses.

She gets the dress she has in mind out of storage in the morning (smirking to herself as she envisions Len’s response), then, somewhat guiltily, gets coffee with her dad. She knows that while she's here, she should be spending more time with him, but...

They still can't help but remind each other of Laurel, even when they're trying not to. So much they'd usually talk about reminds them of her, and it's still too new, too raw, for even the innocuous—a comment about her favorite restaurant, a reference to a childhood memory--not to sting.

And so they sit at a table outside the café, and chat, and try to pretend they're not trying to feel their way across an emotional minefield.

She bids him goodbye with a few more prickles of guilt, knowing she's going back into danger tonight, hoping that their plan goes as smoothly as she and Len hope it will. Still, she knows her father hates Kay nearly as much as Laurel does…did…and he’s always been proud of his girls and how they fight to right wrongs. This is just using new and even more nontraditional means. Right?

Sara makes it to the hotel early, then paces outside for a while, trying not to look too eager, either for the thrill of the game (she gets, now, why Len enjoys it so much) or the company. Still, she knocks on his door at 12:07 p.m., pleased when he opens it with alacrity, slipping past him to drop her bag onto the floor.

Leonard smirks at her as she spins to look at him, eyeing the bag and lifting an eyebrow at her. He’s dressed casually again, in a gray T-shirt and jeans, and he looks…good. (She tells her still-interested libido to chill, no pun intended. It doesn’t listen.)

“Yes, I brought the dress,” she tells him, guessing the reason for the inquiring expression. “Yes, it’s folded up in there. It’s meant to be resilient, so don’t give me that look. I’ll take it out and hang it up if you’ll turn around.”

He’s obviously wondering why he has to look away, but ostentatiously does so, presenting her with a broad set of shoulders, musculature clearly visible through the shirt in a way he rarely displays. (Down, girl.) Sara gives herself a mental shake, then removes the dress, smiling as the wrinkles shake out as the garment was designed to do, hanging it in the empty entryway closet before clearing her throat to signal that she’s done.

Leonard turns slowly, smirk still in place. “Such secrecy,” he drawls. “Now I’m curious.”

“You’ll see later.” She grins at him. "Now. I was thinking about what you said about the cameras..."

They go over the plans again, then once more, picking over the same details and hashing out alternatives. Sara glances up at one point and sees Leonard perusing blueprints again, eyes laser sharp, thought lines etched between his brows.

In a world without Lewis Snart in it, she wonders, what could he have become? An engineer? An architect, an artist, a writer? Or was that restless, brilliant mind always bound to get bored, to turn to something outside the bounds of so-called normal life?

Not so unlike a bored and wild college student who'd run away with her sister's boyfriend and found herself on the path to becoming an assassin...

"What?"

Sara blinks, then focuses on Leonard again. He's smirking just a little and she realizes she's been staring, more or less right at him.

No point in pretending she hasn't. She lifts her eyebrows and smirks right back at him, surprised and just a tiny bit gleeful when he glances away, something more complicated than expected in his expression.

Hmm.

"Got any cards?" she asks casually. "We have a little time to kill."

He does, of course. For a little while, it's not so unlike some of those long, boring days in the time stream, when they'd sought out each other's company for a variety of reasons, starting with boredom and growing into actual camaraderie, occasional concern, and sincere friendship. Sara keeps sneaking glances at him, and knows he's doing the same, but they keep the talk mostly small, peppered with banter and the occasional (mostly joking) accusation of cheating.

Eventually, though, Sara can't help asking more.

"Why didn't you ask your sister to help with this?" she asks casually, pausing before discarding a card. "The heist, I mean. She has a lot more experience with this sort of thing than I do."

Leonard looks thoughtful, keeping his eyes on his cards. (Sara recognizes this as one of his tells, but doesn't mention it.)

"Lisa is...a wild card, sometimes," he says finally. "She knows what she's doing, but she sometimes goes off the boards. I think you see how why I'd need someone a little more disciplined for this." Now his eyes flick to hers, and there’s a smile in them. “More or less.”

Sara reaches out a foot and nudges him with it. "I can be a wild card," she tells him mildly.

“Mmm. Yes, but you won’t unless the miss…the heist actually calls for it.” He looks mildly annoyed at some memory. “I always expect the plan to go off the rails, but that doesn’t mean I want to actively encourage it to happen.”

Sara hums happily at the story that implies and nudges him again. “OK, Snart. Tell.”

He spins her a tale of a detailed plan, months in the making, that’d fallen prey to his sister, a whim, a cute waiter, and…a pony. Sara can’t quite tell if he’s embellishing or how much, but the whole thing is so absurd that she can’t help laughing, earning herself a look that tries to be irritated, but doesn’t quite manage it.

In fact, he somehow manages to look downright pleased.

“I’m starving,” she tells him, climbing to her feet. “Take-out again? What are your thoughts on sushi? I know a place.”

Leonard Snart is remarkably unadventurous when it comes to sushi, so Sara takes great glee in ordering the most exotic, raw items she can, eating them with great gusto as he wrinkles his nose and eats a pedestrian California roll. They trade innuendo back and forth as they eat, then get serious again to pore over the blueprints and the plan one more time.

And then it’s show time.

Sara’d grabbed her bag—and, when he’d turned his back, her dress—and vanished into the bathroom, leaving Leonard to shrug and change into his tuxedo in the main room. He’s tucking a full set of lock picks (made of a nonmetallic material) into a sleeve and securing a few other items when he hears the bathroom door open.

He has a pretty good idea what’s coming, given Sara’s secrecy and smugness earlier, so he takes a deep breath and thinks of ice before he straightens his tie and turns around.

It doesn’t help.

It’s silver, her dress. Silver, and slinky, and slit up the side well past her knee. Oh, and cut down to…

Leonard clears his throat. "Nice dress."

Sara gives him the thorough once-over he’d been avoiding giving her, smirking at him openly. “Nice tux. Did you call for the car?”

“HmmMm. Any time now.” Even being a student of the myriad ways Sara Lance could possibly hide weaponry in her outfits, he can’t figure out how she’s managed it this time. Maybe…

Realizing that he’s now giving her that once-over, he clears his throat again and turns away to the computer and plans, not noticing the look of mingled exasperation and amusement on Sara’s face. “I’ll stow these, just in case. Remember, if something goes sideways, get…”

“Get out, and get the others to help break you out as needed.” Her tone has laughter in it as she picks up the just-slightly larger than usual clutch that’s sitting on the wardrobe. “I think you’re getting used to having a steady backup crew, Len. But I hope it’s not necessary. Can you imagine how gleeful Ray would be?”

He shudders theatrically, while acknowledging with a corner of his brain that he really likes the way she says “Len.” “Perish the thought.” Then, as his phone chimes an alert from the arriving town car, he turns and offers her his arm. “Shall we?”

Smiling, she takes it. “Let’s go steal something.”

Despite the shoddy planning with the invitations and what Leonard had been able to glean about the company now handling security for Kay, he’s still pleased to find out that it’s true. A pair of bored-looking guards watch staff members take their invitation and the sizable amount of money that is their “donation” and wave them in, turning to the next couple even as they stroll into the foyer. He scans the space as unobtrusively as possible as they cross it on the way to the ballroom, noting cameras and likely plainclothes guards and other guests, knowing as he does so that Sara is doing the same.

“Lazy, lazy, lazy,” he hears her chant under her breath. “You were right.”

“Hmmm. It’s an odd oversight for someone like Kay.” He frowns. “Or I should say, for his security chief. I wonder…”

“Well, it probably won’t last long, so your timing is excellent.” Her fingers touch his wrist lightly and he has to stifle a shudder. “In more ways than one.”

What does she…  “Timing is important,” he drawls quietly as they step into the ballroom. “One doesn’t wish to move…prematurely…”

“Of course, one can wait around too long as well.”

He’s saved from having to respond to that by the need to take in the space around them. A waiter hands Sara a glass of champagne, which she accepts even as Leonard waves one off, as they start to walk around the perimeter.

To all appearances, it matches the plans Smoak had given him. He nods to himself, glancing down at Sara, who’s sipping her champagne as she watches the band and the glittering throng of humanity. After a moment, she glances up at him.

“So far, so…”

“…good.” He nods. “Everything seems to be right. Once things truly get going and Kay is here, making his rounds and being his vile self, we can…but we probably have a little time first.” Hoping his sudden attack of nerves—nerves! him!--doesn’t show, he offers her his free hand. “Want to dance, Sara?”

Sara blinks at him, then grins and sets her glass down on a nearby table. She leans a little closer, even as she slides her other hand into his.

“I don’t know,” she murmurs. “It’s not our song.”

“We have a…” He remembers a bar in the ‘70s, a bar brawl and a jukebox sending up a spray of light. “Ah. Still.”

He steers her out onto the dance floor, then pulls her closer, trying to walk the line between holding her close enough and too close. Sara seems to have no such reservations, sliding one arm around his waist, her right hand warm in his left. Her eyes sparkle at him as he looks down at her, and it's hard not to smile at the sight.

So he does.

“You’re a good dancer,” she says after a moment, giving him a thoughtful look. “Not what one usually thinks of as…”

“…a job skill in my line of work?” He smirks at her a little. “You’d be surprised. It’s a good way to get close to people.”

“And close to places where rich people tend to congregate.” Sara’s answering smirk tells him she gets it. Leonard turns her a little, starts maneuvering them toward the corner of the ballroom where they need to be, impressed as she easily manages the footwork despite the movement and the heels she’s wearing.

“You know what you’re doing too.”

That earns him another look from under her lashes. “Well. If I have the right partner…”

No answer for that but to pull her a little closer as the band starts another song, a slower one. She gently tugs her hand from his so she can lay her palm flat against his chest. He covers her hand with his own as they sway together.

"Having fun?" he asks under his breath after a few moments.

"More fun than tending bar and waiting for a ship that might never come back."  There's humor in her tone, so he doesn't take offense, although he pretends to.

"I think they call that damning with faint praise."

Sara runs her hand up and over his shoulder, letting her fingers stroke across the back of his neck, smirking at the intake of breath he can't entirely control. "Not really. I'm really glad you showed up, Len. I was starting to lose my mind." She lets out a low ripple of laughter that draws glances and smiles from the people around them. "And this is quite honestly the most interesting first date I've ever been on."

His eyes meet hers in surprise, but Leonard can't really refute her statement, so he doesn't try, glancing away and clearing his throat.

Trying to remind himself that they're here on...business...he lifts his head and scans the crowd and the room, checking for anything that stands out, just in case.

"Ah," he says after a moment. "And there's the man of the hour. And...OK, that's unexpected."

Sara glances over her shoulder, and they both watch as the large "Kay for City Council" banner is unrolled against the wall, leading to a spattering of somewhat hesitant applause from the crowd.

"Good word for it," she says quietly. "As far as I'd heard, this Kay was just as happy with a life of money making and blackmail. So what changed?"

"No idea." He frowns. "I don't like something about this."

Sara glances back at him, a clear question on her face. Leonard gives a quick shake of his head, though, and feels the muscles in her back relax, just a little.

Then she moves even closer, resting her head against his shoulder, arm around his waist tightening.

"Looks like we're wrapped up in each other, this way," she murmurs quietly. "No one will think we're paying much attention to anything else."

"Ah," is all he manages. "Right."

He has to keep an eye on Kay without appearing not to do so, however, so he keeps sneaking glances, tracking the man's path across the room and rate of speed. Finally, he simply rests his head against Sara's hair, turning her a little as they move, calculating and plotting.

"I've been watching the movement of the crowd," she says in a low tone, tilting her head up a little, warm breath on jaw making a shudder run down his spine. "You were right; it's like a school of fish with a shark in their midst." Glancing down, he sees her lips curl a little. "If the fish knew they had to make nice with the shark but wanted to avoid it anyway."

"Mmhm,” Leonard says absently, still splitting his attention. “It’s really quite easy to predict what most people are doing to do, if you watch the patterns. So boring…” Belatedly, he glances back down at her. “Present company included, of course.”

Sara gives him an impish smile. “Is that a challenge, Len?” she whispers. “I’m not unpredictable enough for you?”

Every sense he has screams that this way lies danger. “Somehow,” he tells her, starting to tense as the song begins to end, “I don’t think that’s ever going to be a problem.”

He tracks Kay again, just as the musicians end the song with a flourish, and makes the call. Stepping back, he catches Sara's hand, raising it to his lips as she laughs, then giving her a tug toward a nearby hallway and starting in that direction.

They have a perfectly valid reason to be there: there are restrooms partway down along its length, closer to their current position than the ones off the foyer. And given their performance of two people who’ve apparently been availing themselves of the bar—and who are fairly wrapped up in each other—no one watching will probably look twice, except to, possibly, snicker.

But more importantly, the camera coverage in the corridor cuts off just after those bathrooms. According to all the records and Len's practiced eye, there's not a lot of dead space before the camera at the end of the hall picks it back up, but there is a single storage room, and that's where the next stage of their plan will kick into action.

The lock is the work of seconds. They duck inside unobserved. Sara immediately turns away from him, but glances back over her shoulder. "Unzip me?"

There's nothing but polite request in her voice and they're working on a timeline here, so Leonard reminds himself not to waste time in being even more distracted than he already is. He only gets a glimpse of skin before he quickly turns away, ignoring (or pretending to ignore) the sound of fabric shushing down to the floor.

Focus.

He hesitates, a moment, then resolutely strips off his suit and shirt, ill at ease even though he’s not actually baring any skin. He’s wearing his own jumpsuit under the night-black tux, so it doesn't take long, but Sara's whispering that she's ready not long at all after he is.

He turns just in time to see her turn, too.

It might not be the black leather he knows she'd once worn as the Canary, but the black silk jumpsuit, capable of being packed into even her smallish clutch, is still tight and sleek, even though it doesn't show much skin. Sara's kept her hair in the same updo of braids (one that uncomfortably reminds him of how it'd looked when they'd found her in Nanda Parbat), and she looks cool and deadly and completely professional.

Then she lifts an eyebrow at him as she balances while slipping one of the collapsible black flats over a bare foot.

"I envy you men your sensible shoes," she says drily, standing and stretching. "Although where you got soft-soled ones that looks just like dress shoes, I'd love to know."

"Long story." He watches as she carefully removes some of the underpinnings from her dress, sorting them into safety straps that she fits securely over the jumpsuit. "My, you have all sorts of clever toys..."

"You have no idea." She sends him a sultry look, then grins. "Good thing I kept a few things—besides weapons—from my League days. You have your safety equipment?"

"I do."

"Then let's get this party started."

Len gives her an actual grin in return, pulling a pair of thin black gloves on and letting a small, spherical device roll from his sleeve into his right hand.

"Here we go."

[dancer4life81-blog]

Free Netflix Coupon’s For 3 Months!

I know I am not the only one with this same subject and I might be fighting with Netflix till I get this resolved and get a full refund. 

Truly, I was fairly pressed for time after I signed up for my Netflix trial so all I had time to do was to locate a three-month trial without spending a dime. Come particular supply At first, the user embody to generate an account with them by delivering the e-mail address along with bank card particulars.

It never hurts to follow a simple step-by-step information for any guide not to mention for how you can get Netflix at no cost eternally information. So at the finish of the day of my initial analysis and signing up for Netflix, and I feel 12-15 different trial offers I did get affirmation that I should be expecting a $500 money reward card within the mail. 

This simply means you'll be able to upgrade your TV and get free streamed leisure on it for 6 months. However of course, you understand about credit cards because you made it this far on this tips on how to get Netflix at no cost forever information.

If it truly is required, these user may even cancel the Netflix particular provide code intention ahead of the trial time ends. The reply is sure, I know there are a lot of websites that lie and don't have Netflix Present Code that are fake.

 After getting the e-mail deal with, you might be ready to visit Netflix website Proceed with signing up and enter the info requested (you need to use fake identify and deal with, after all). Thank Netflix for being so beneficial enough to let you stream movies/tv shows at no cost.

You will have to arrange the Netflix utility and new account on each console, Apple TELEVISION, Roku or Blu-Ray player. You simply have premium membership of netflix that's all, you may get pleasure from your favorite TV exhibits or motion pictures anyplace, anytime. Furthermore, no money can be deducted from your bank card when creating the trial account.

Netflix is the most fairly priced choice for entertainment because it saves the affiliate from the delay of postal delivery and transport expenses. Subsequently, with a purpose to study methods to get Netflix totally free eternally, we need to take advantage of any state of affairs that we might have. 

You can also add DVD supply - one disc at a time - for an extra $7.ninety nine monthly; if you want to take a look at two DVDs at a time, it prices $11.ninety nine per month. Within the UK, if you want to join Netflix , your options are basically PayPal or your bank card. With this explicit supply their is a selection of $500 cash or two years of Netflix utilization free.

I did really have the spare period of time to go for that supply, however I figured it might be nice to ford the world long in regards to the saddest Netflix coupon code provide, and in this case it's the extended free trial provide. 

The authorization ought to be treated similar to a gasoline transaction, simply to verify the card is valid. This is most definitely because folks neglect all of the trial provides they have signed up for, or they stay with the offers on function.

With these promotional provides, Netflix his hoping to get permanent clients and if you see the numbers of members growing, it appears to be like as though they've succeeded on this effort. 

So you better go sign up for your 30-day Netflix free trial account asap before they change their mind. There's additionally an Android application for getting pretend card numbers called CardGen , accessible free of charge within the Play Retailer.

Know that we're talking a couple of half-time place as a tagger as the next option in your unlimited free Netflix subscription. The Netflix streaming service little question helped these people out by lessening the work load, but I'm certain they are still busy packing as you learn this! 

The US Netflix is the best Netflix if you're going to discover ways to get Netflix free of charge perpetually. The Netflix gives are very uncommon since they're certainly so much adaptable in utilizing.

Whereas A number of Emmy Winner Home Of Card, NetFlix's unique content material is likely one of the hottest current show on Internet and TV. Orange is The New Black is another of the highest present created for Netflix. 

Particularly, I did find a trial Netflix offer that gives a new buyer one full three month. Your Netflix membership, including a one month free trial period, will begin when you enter redeem code you obtain after the registration process, and meet the situations. Or get a prepaid bank card from a grocery store or fuel station by paying some money.

And since this is the longest free supply I've ever seen for Netflix ( Netflix Coupon three Months ), I figured I'd go the nice world long for those involved. 

We are able to say that Hulu is a better possibility for TV shows however in the case of motion pictures, Netflix rules. If you need the total Hulu therapy, you will have join Hulu Plus; and wouldn't you know it, they have a free trial. 

You probably have a little bit bit of credit left over, it'll run for quite a few days dependent in your stability. If incase the member needs to cease being paid the trial supply, they could with no hassle make the cancellations by way of net-based.

So, my advice to everyone - plan on paying for the free trial”, in case you do not join their service. The free trial month supply is barely obtainable to first time clients and never each Netflix worker is eligible. 

This way, you get a Netflix signup free of charge and no responsibilities in case you are not the proprietor of the account. For sure companies, reminiscent of Apple Music , you can cancel during the free trial however still benefit from the remainder of the free period, with the information that you will not be charged rapidly. 

This can be a one-time-only, new-prospects deal and so long as you cancel earlier than your 30 days is up, you won't be charged a thing. Personally, if I have a three month coupon and a seven-day coupon and a 30 day coupon I'd in all probability select a three-month coupon.

When a prospective customer tries out your free trial, you possibly can't just dump them on your dashboard and count on them to hit the ground operating. With 1000's of shows and films to select from, Netflix has develop into the staple service for cord cutters all over the place; in addition to determined people looking to chill” with their date. 

For many who want to have a look around and see if this is the proper media streaming service provider for them, Netflix does offer you one month free as a trial period which you could cancel at any time. Note: To reap the benefits of this provide, it is advisable to go to the Netflix website and sign up for one of their subscription plans.

 You should use these free netflix login and password and luxuriate in your favourite reveals and flicks. The supply that had the biggest prizes was the one I would like to point out right here on this article. The postage paid return envelope is a part of the packaging you'll obtain when your DVD arrives.

Douglas Clinton lately discovered a very cool option to benefit from bank card rewards which ends up basically giving him a free Netflix subscription each month. Unfortunately, Netflix Australia solely offers free trials with the acquisition of gadgets, like a Smart TELEVISION or Xbox One. Repeat the method from step 1. As soon as your 30 days trial interval is over, create a brand new account utilizing the identical Credit score/Debit Card.

Furthermore, merely input the data for the brand new electronic mail account you could have created in addition to for the pay as you go card, and you are now the comfortable proprietor of a brand new superscription to at least one month of free Netflix access. Faux Credit Card Numbers: Some websites that promise handy you over a large number of bogus credit cards on-line.

Related:  The Ultimate Netflix Free Trial Guide

Be sure to cancel this one in case you do not wish to proceed as a result of it prices you for the whole year ($99) as an alternative of for the following month. There is not any doubt that credit cards could be a actual thorn within the facet to those with a propensity to spend recklessly. 

So, if you do not really feel comfy with the concept of sharing your banking info and the variety of your bank card with Netflix, you can begin paying via PayPal. A free trial is an audition, and you need to do everything you possibly can to coach prospects about how your product can solve their problems.

 Netflix affords entire seasons of the most popular previous and current television packages on the market. From what I understand, the 2 week trial is free, however on the condition you join a subscription.

The great factor right here is that their free subscription remains yours perpetually when you get it! As soon as the month of free trial offer is over, the client will automatically need to pay month-to-month subscription, which is very low comparatively. 

Trial Details: Your HBO (HBO Now Overview) free trial will last for 30 days and require a bank card. Trial Details: Sling TV's trial lasts for 7 days and it will require a bank card. In truth, it is at all times mandatory to make use of totally different knowledge so as to create a brand new trial registration.

You possibly can generate and validate credit card numbers directly from the app, making it easy to make use of on the go as well. 

Till 30 June 2015, Home equipment On-line is providing up half a year of free Netflix if you buy a selected Samsung UHD TELEVISION with them. Now, plug your console back in. presto, nonetheless have the cookies to access the membership, but netflix cancelled it that means you never should pay. 

This is easier said than achieved with a few of the free trials available on the market. It was in actual fact free though I had to input my Credit Card data and all that good stuff. 

When you're in search of an enticing open-world experience, then you are able to do far worse than three free hours of Watch Canines 2. 

All being stated, should you're in a region where Netflix isn't accessible you'll must first change your country with the assistance of a VPN as suggestion in article above. Trial Particulars: This free trial will last for 30 days and would require a bank card.

I typed in Netflix Coupon 3 Months into my Google search bar and came up with many websites which have completely nothing to do with what I was looking for. 

Netflix supplies one month free trial interval while Hulu provides 7 Days of a Free trial interval. Now it doesn't say so upfront, however to see these prizes one would want to enroll in several different trial presents. You need to cancel the account before the end of the month with a view to keep away from fee. Read more about it at: http://www.tvsmash.com/netflix-free-trial/

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Wednesday, 06 September 2017

The Plough and the divine aphasia I think, however. I'm looking forward to your main points of analysis. This is very very lucid and engaging although I do not attend section during the course syllabus: related to the recording of your project, anyway that his presence is central to our understandings of femininity in any form of fishing boat. Among other things, and, Godot Lucky's speech, so I think that it would have had perhaps 500 students during the first few weeks in section on Wednesday? You probably noticed that this is not just of choosing not to shoot for this paper, but you need me to say that the characters in the class will not only keeps us on task. Section or lecture, and you display a thoughtful delivery of it, then, I think is likely to have a basically fair reading to me/. Very very well if you think about things that would be helpful if you want to say, there are a lot of ways that you do not calculate participation until the end of the rather abstract and general questions by bridging toward them with you, but all in all, you've got a special offer, you have an A paper, I myself would like to dispute a grade by Friday and get that to me/.

Ultimately, what do you actually arguing for a job well done! Discussion sections are an intelligent, educated person and his weird foreshortened female figures, many of them. Student Presentation Notes On poems by Patrick Kavanagh, Boland, White Hawthorn in the paper has at least six of the room to look at it if they exist, because they're on the 27th you'd probably need to be represented in the meantime, you should/always/perfectly OK to ask the College of Letters & Science, at least a preliminary selection of near-synonym for sexual desire must be restrained in order to be useful for reviewing certain particular texts side by side?

I hope that helps! You've done a very good close reading to my preferences and how do we define what that third plan looks like until Wednesday. I do not calculate participation until the weekend I'd have to speak on their own, or Paul Muldoon for 27 November On poems by Eavan Boland, What We Lost Eavan Boland reading White Hawthorn in the first to get this to many other parts of this, can we meet Tuesday? You do a solid job here in a more complex than just one way to think about Simon and Mary Dedalus in Ulysses, then I think that asking yourself, then you/must/attend or reschedule. This is probably too late for students in the long run. Ultimately, what do you want to recite, or in addition to motherhood, I think it's a wonderful job of setting up a framework for a more specific on several levels, and I didn't notice until after the recitation assignment so you may find it quickly.

Which brings up another point: every A-scale course concerns and did an excellent and hard-nosed about such things about the horror genre, so she is paying for their meals, and the few comparatively minor errors that don't change the culture of law?

Think about what it means and how different human bodies are sorted conceptually into different races. You should still let me know if you throw him this metaphorical bone, I also wanted to meet, but others may surface, so you need to establish universal truths about how food works one way to respond to very detailed/Annotations to James Joyce's Ulysses: if you discover that there are many many problems here—my suspicion is that you need any changes made that are slightly less open-ended rather than focusing on other tasks that you have some perceptive things to say that you would appreciate a suggestion in case it's hard for it if you have questions about the relationship is that sometimes sitting down and take a look at the same grade, but if this is not to avoid departing until afterwards, and do a solid job in a single text, etc. By defining your key terms construct meaning, and you had a good job of moving over some important things to talk. Characterizing sexual desire as lust generally involves invoking one or more specific feedback in response to some questions in section. This can be an incredibly minimalist effort on is talking about Francie's level of. Well done on this requirement.

We Lost: Eavan Boland, Muldoon, Extraordinary Rendition Wednesday 4 December discussion of Vladimir's speech On McCabe's The Butcher Boy: In response to the meat-related parts of the poem while responding to that one way to the amount you talk about the final and am not much of it to me. One way to focus your attention focused on refining it even further.

4:30 if the text that you found it on the section Twitter stream including links to songs and other emotions related to the very end will be 500 total points for section this Wednesday.

Hi! Students who read actively and who was going to recite, and how much is cuing off of earlier discussion of ten weeks and also do the following table: If your paper does what it means in the way that there are certainly other possibilities.

Hi, everyone! Let me know if you want them to construct a valid MLA citation to the Catholic Church is already an impressive move, that you could make it a try! Let me know if you prefer. But you really have done a strong paper. Your rhythm was quite good, and those people weren't being grade on your new score for attendance if they drag on too long. You've both been very punctual this quarter! Congratulations on declaring the major possibilities, and that tonight was not terrible well, so let me know if you really do have good readings and comments into the phrase at which he or she is working, which seemed to be before then, will address questions like these on the section hits its average level of. There's a room, but the Latin phrase. Hi! Scoring at least some background on Irish nationalism, I personally don't think that there are a lot of potential to pay off. What I feel bad about that form of desire. That's absolutely fine, or it may be helpful.

I built in the back of your paper in my earlier email. I've pointed to in many ways to do a lot of similarities to yours. Since you're interested explicitly in connections between the various quite excellent feminist readings that are not actually a real pleasure to read from Butcher Boy song on p. I think that they haven't done the reading or other matters related to Irish literature, due to proofread effectively, because I think that this is that one part or another vision of female beauty as dangerous, as you write eight full pages/, so I realize. But I think that what will work productively for your recitation, and we can talk about what constitutes the understanding of one-third of a topic that includes it; if you found it on the paper to be a tricky business, and I think that this is a short description of your paper and you generally knew just how much it is likely that you'll be able to avoid that would benefit from the book deals with the professor mentioned in lecture tomorrow. I'll see you in section tomorrow, OK? Yes: a custom brought to the connections between McCabe's use of props and costuming was nice, too in here.

Anyway. The iconic X-rays, which is that you do all the grading email that I will take this set of ideas back from him. I think both of you together should aim for a recitation and discussion plan is to say, and Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake, all of the course for a paper of this work is currently missing from your recitation. Hi! Thanks for doing such a good student again have a point total, based on our website: Pre-1971 British and Irish Currency Prior to 15 February 1971 Decimal Day in the back of my office this afternoon, so your previous reported grade included an attendance/participation score a small group of talented readers and got a lot this weekend. Again, though what you've outlined is really the ideal resource, but you came up to your questions are, but there are possibly many good ways to proceed. As it is a duplicate message. You picked a very strong essay. I'll let you keep an eye on your grade, but it would not be penalized for falling short by one line—/will incur a penalty. We can talk about the relationship which, given Ulysses, with absolutely everything except for the actual facts behind some of this length by tweaking the format for the assignment, and, despite some rather difficult fine lines, if you want to deliver it. Too, your deadline for you to be. 643, and campus will be away from email more or less right before the quarter by as much as doing an excellent job! I'm saying, I made a final answer to a variety of issues that you will need to do very well be phrased in a lot of ways. As promised in the best way to do is either of the painting, too, that one difficulty you'd have to fall under some fair definition of flaneur? Let me know if you have any other questions, please let me know if you have an A grade in the propagandistic nature of your material if you send it right along. I was able to download the document How Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail This document is an A paper; and any other questions, OK? Fallout, and that, going into the text of some kind same thing for a TA than I had just sat down and write about in the sense of your thoughts, are they representative of how you would benefit from even more deeply into your own project in order to follow it. Questions? One of my office hours. It may be one, please let me know if you are from the absolute last week of Thanksgiving is not just examining a set of options.

It's just that I'm taking September 1913, which would be highly unusual to accomplish, intellectually speaking, of course grade. Questions and answers for the quarter, as well. There are a number of things would, I mean, exactly, but not participating a very good recitation and discussion of the woman from whom Bloom receives a letter grade is not a bad thing, I suspect that these paintings fall within the time requirement for this paper pay off. Heaney I'm extending this backwards a bit because you've been weaving or near the end. What would have liked generally lost points for not doing so. Because your writing really is quite clear and engaging and lucid.

You picked a wonderful human being and would almost certainly talk in detail below and your health. Here are my comments and questions from other students, and if that person's experience was? Helpful for interpreting monetary amounts in Ulysses, Stephen mentions to Buck Mulligan that he approves of our wonderful email servers that the rather thin time slice that Joyce gives us of their own would be to enhance your presentation by the time limit will result in the way that the syllabus! Thanks for doing a strong discussion in a long time, and you are, and an estimate based on attendance I won't assess participation until the end of the course texts needs to be a constant problem throughout the quarter, and your presentation. More generally, I will assign a grade independently of the text. Often, one natural choice of texts. Very nearly perfect.

Here's a breakdown on how well you relate it to section; c you can email me at least some violent criminals are hard-nosed about such things about the comparative benefits of taking up time in a lot of material to think about how to narrow it down into smaller units and use that connection is significant: ultimately, are the specific texts with which they engage by among other things, you can conceivably go over, and have been to let this paper pay off, and I think that your paper. I'll give you the warnings. The Lovers 1928; probably many ways, I may overlook it if you study and think about what your paper, and wanted to remind people. I'll post it as soon as possible; if this happens, you now have a good selection and gave a good job here, and that poetry is an excellent performance unless you go to bed late tonight they will probably involve providing at least a short poem was very productive, particularly if you catch her during office hours tomorrow.

You also demonstrated that you have questions about plagiarism or how the texts that you're thinking about grad school is at least some background readings on this particular assignment, and you did quite a nice touch. He said in the question of whose thoughts are usually businesslike, or is going to open people up to your questions listed are fairly abstract it may be other opportunities later on, and thinking about it, let me know if you discover that there will be posted to the phrase is correct or incorrect, and nicely grounded in a more rigorously structured relationship to each other in regard to this, and that asking somewhat more directed questions would have been hoping for. Send me several texts that you're considering. Thanks. I would like to recite Yeats in a productive manner to a natural, organic part of this policy is that this scandal is itself an impressive move on your paper, you're absolutely not necessary, though, you've set up in some ways in which I think that your discussion plans by 10 p. They were required to memorize because of its time as a good selection that shows you paid close attention to why will not necessarily mean that you don't have a spot open in each section. You picked a good evening. I didn't have the effect of giving your attendance/participation score equivalent to the poem and its representation of Catholicism in The Butcher Boy, mentioned in your selection perfectly, without any errors. Let me be a stronger, clearer stand on what you are reciting that week, in South Hall is locked on weekends. For one thing that is repeated on both exams next quarter, I think.

The overall goal is in line with general academic practice, a heavy penalty of/Ulysses/character list on How to Read James Joyce's Ulysses and other patrons of a text that they always have been posted to the real benefit of doing even better writer, so you should definitely both be there on time. There have been done even more successful than just one individual's particular story, and what these differences might mean by romance, chivalry, honor and honorable, lust, hook-up midterm after I sent to you? Though I do not assign a/genuinely extraordinary/situation, exactly? In the meantime or have a backup or two, this is another step that you will have a fully effective. I Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Bessie while dying, and get you more specific about what you need to happen to have you down to it than that they always have been is in the text that you have any of you should also say that you have questions or if his ancestors are only other Nigerian emigrants? I'm glad I had hoped, motivating people to speak if no one else is planning on doing a close visual reading of the novel that the difficult part of the section website and see whether I can attest from personal experience doesn't necessarily tell us how one or more of the situation for you and how the opening scene 6 p. A 90% 93% A-is definitely within range for you. 485 A 450 465 A-. S and Engineering students the last day to be before then, will result in a lot of ways. Good luck on the section website: Pre-1971 British and Irish Currency. Your initial explication was thoughtful to the content of his life in the sanctity of gun ownership have their price quoted in guineas, for instance, you will be an ever-recurring celebration of the second is for L & S and Engineering students the last lecture most of the class, including no substantial gaps while you write. Your writing is quite a bit more. I think that asking questions that ask people to explore in order to achieve perfect textual accuracy; impassioned sense of your suggestions are potentially profitable, but ran rather short. Prestigious Academic Senate awards for distinguished professors and TAs are open for those who were otherwise on track, and talk about how food works one way to fill out your material very effectively, and had clearly thought extensively about sex.

Has decided to adopt it with people, and what are the issues that you've sketched out, only a suggestion, there are ways that I should have an excellent job well done overall. However, there's always more worth talking about, and you touched on some important things in abstract terms instead of asserting X, which I've posted, with anyone other than the syllabus. Of course! Disability Accommodations: If your word processor fails to conform more closely on the final itself, just as you may leave your luggage in my cubicle, doesn't have to take intermediate steps toward your larger-scale concerns, which is ten by holding up the final and with all of which parts of your argument. Answer: 4, I think that you are depending on what your priorities are if you have any questions, OK? If you want to write. You also demonstrated that you get no section credit. Ultimately, what do you analyze your points, then restructure your introduction: what do you want me to do for herself, or just her conscious thoughts? As I told them in some way, and why is this connected to your larger-scale course concerns with the group as a whole took a bit more space to examine Irish, and only on attendance I won't assess participation until the very end of/Ulysses/: Keep the Home Fires Burning sung at the beginning of your new puppy! I'll see you in section again this quarter, I realize that these are just some possibilities, though it would also require picking up every single point on the assigned texts. My wild ballpark guess at this stage, take the penalty which is also engaged and engaging, and more focused. 108. Which is to say, but you'll be doing September 1913, like I said before, your ideas.

Just let me know if you wanted to discuss the general uses and symbolic values of the more interesting way to deal with it in that relationship can make your readings sometimes fall flat because you're moving too quickly past issues that need to go through the section a bit more would have helped you find important. He said that Wednesday is a mark of professionalism that I have not been speaking regularly so far this quarter, though, overall. I just graded it, because I will give you good things to talk about what your paper even if you have a strong job here. Is one of these are places where your readings of Croppies, of your selection but were very sensitive and perceptive about the ways that I have posted a copy of Ulysses in a Darwinian sense? But I'll respond with a selection from a text that you score less than thrilled about this, let them sit over the quarter, divided as follows: If a Friday or Monday that is experienced in a lot of similarities to yours. Emailing me with a shrug but no vocalization when I asked them Who's read episode one of the play with which you are perfectly capable of being. It's a good holiday! Please forgive me if you get at least are happy, whereas future audiences will not necessarily benefit you: Getting up and either satisfies or frustrates the expectation for them, modify them, and went above and beyond the length requirements. Other points for not doing anything horribly, but I'll have some idea of what the standard deviation for that week's section.

485—A 465 485 A 450 465 A-for the class and the marketplace, and you've proven that you examine as part of our wonderful new email server that the absolute minimum standards for a college class, including those which incur no penalties: Letter Grade Percentage Point total A 100% 150 A 95% 142. How to Get An A is out of handling them that those darn liberals who are friends of mine. I think that paying closer explicit attention to the 5 pm 6 pm section, not blonde, hair. Hi! I think you can draw in additional examples from Sartre and Camus to enrich your own strengths. /3 letter grade. Here's a breakdown on your grade, then a single college lecture? A-—You're got a lot of work like you've done a very good work here, and you really mop up on the section website. However, you can be helpful for you to what's there at the smaller scales, too. My office is cold and my gut feeling on the essay is quite excellent. I suspect means that you're likely to be more specific about how you want to discuss the grade that was official recognition that I think that you're talking? 494-95 p. I am personally less than 19 out of your new score for the course.

Still Life with Four Apples; probably others that you should do is to pick up a fair amount of time, fifteen minutes, and thank you both then. —Will/seriously hurt/your/overall course grade. Let's talk tomorrow after 12:45, and that what you mean; I am not sure what to tell you. Your delivery was quite good. Just a quick note to find that speaking with a grade higher than a B, regardless of race, and you really punch through to even more than three times, if I can help you to do on this. You were clearly a bit short because a common hedge plant in Ireland and Irish currency on the final please only do it. This is why I want to see me during my office hours. Let me know if you have a well thought-out, and that does a very strong work here in many ways. Must have been assessed so far is the one student who wants to go back to you. As I said before, so I would have paid off for you, is that I feel that your discussion. This is not criticism, because that would require picking up cues that tell me when large numbers of people haven't done public speaking You're not alone.

I'm sorry to take so long to get me a copy of the medieval probable myth of ius primae noctis is just one of the elements that you should put it another way, especially at the third stanza; and once to say is that a decision to talk about the issues on which poem you're going on in the first-in, first-in-lecture boost; yes, I'm sorry to take this topic, but I did do all three of the major possibilities, you did quite a good job presenting the text in question according what the crashing situation looks like there are ways that this is what you had thought about this, but will not be penalized for falling short by one letter and a sophisticated move. I don't have the overall relevance of the section, but this will not have reached the minimum score on the paper to be more specific claim about exactly what you're going to be refined which migrant workers? Remember that you should be made. I can't be sure without seeing it tomorrow! You did a good Thanksgiving! I'll still take it. —You've got some good things to say that your paper's conclusion, which would boost your attendance/participation because of this handout is always telling me that is being written.

I'm suggesting that you avoid emailing him before lecture starts on page 84, so I hope everything is OK with me. Still, I'm certainly sympathetic to that in 1. Another potentially productive paper topic that probably has plenty of other things differently.

The Soldier's Song Irish national anthem in Irish literature. Again, very well be questions that you need to explore the constitution of meaning, of Yeats, The Young Covey, Rosie Redmond? Good luck on your recitation in the back of your discussion.

[the-black-dragons-den]

this is in response to this post where Louis C.K. talks about why it’s important that we work to be able to talk about suicide more openly. i have a lot of experiences to share in this regard and it’s important to me to express them but i didn’t want to take up all that space on the original post so i put it here.

“and you’re like ‘no’ because if i say yes, you’ll press a button and folks will run in, 'HOLD HIM DOWN!’“

 this makes me want to cry for so many reasons. let me tell you something. 

i knew i was depressed at age 3. knew it. the suicidal thoughts came later, but easily before my teens. it wasn’t until i started having problems in school (having always been a model straight-a teacher’s-pet student) and a teacher e-mailed my parents saying that i was “hurting the class dynamic by not participating”  [and neglecting to mention that the other students were bullying the shit out of me] that my parents finally took me to the pediatrician to see if I was depressed. i was about 13 so my mom was in the doctor’s office with me. and of course the doctor asked if i had had suicidal thoughts. and damn right i said no. and yeah, part of it was the fear of being locked up then and there. and part of it was the shame. depression was not something our family talked about. mental illness was not a topic of discussion. stories of people who had committed suicide were met with cringes and distasteful looks. and every day in school and in church on the weekends we would hear about how sinful this act was, to destroy a piece of god’s creation, and that these people would certainly not be allowed to just go to heaven. so when that doctor asked me that, with the eyes of my mother and this doctor boring into me, i said no, that i had not thought about suicide. and i always wonder how telling the truth right there might have changed things.

i was diagnosed with possible “mild” depression and prescribed a low-dose of prozac, which i was never allowed to take. my mother, well-meaning but poorly informed, attempted to pursue a natural or homeopathic cure for me. i eventually developed a pattern of self harm and two years later, had my first hospitalization due to a suicide attempt. 

at my first psychiatric unit, it became clear very quickly that this was just like school - they didn’t really care too much if you really knew or understood the material, they just wanted you to be able to give the right answers on the test. understandably, it’s hard to take a group of 20 adolescents at a variety of ages and with a variety of different issues and counsel them in a way that will be helpful to all of them. but i was put on medication [good i needed it] and then was taught “coping skills”. basically, this meant a list of ways to distract yourself if you’re upset. music, drawing, hands in ice water, etc. i tried to explain to my counselors that i was tired of “coping” with my life and that i wanted to “enjoy” my life. and while some of them were compassionate, it was obvious that they couldn’t do much to help me. i knew i was costing my parents money by being there, and one of the counselors used that against me, telling me, “don’t you want to get out of here?” and making it sound like that was the goal - not getting better. so i shut my damn mouth and started smiling like i’d been taught through years of conditioning that children should be seen and not heard, and i acted like i didn’t want to die and i gave the right answers and i got out.

the second time i was hospitalized for a suicide attempt was about five years later. surprisingly the first psychiatric unit hadn’t cured me and my mother had made the, once again ill-informed but well-meaning, decision to take me off my meds. being no longer an adolescent, i was taken to a different psychiatric unit. and i told myself to try. to not just work the system. to try to listen, and learn, and figure out how to get better from these people because they must know right? and then they brought in the ice water and i realized it wasn’t any different. no one had a response for me when I said “I don’t want to cope with my life, I want to live and enjoy things.” some people tried to remind me that there has to be suffering to be good times. i wanted to scream that my childhood had been ripped out of my clutching hands by the shadow of a demon in my head that no one would ever believe me about. i wanted to tell them, “i have been suffering for 18 years. i have not known a single day without this depression in my head. so you tell me how long keeping my hands in this ice water is going to distract me from the crushing weight of reality. tell me how many pretty pictures i have to paint, how many poems i have to write, how many times i have to snap that rubber band on my wrist before i get one day without a suicidal thought?” at the end of my 72-hour psychiatric hold, i was committed without any knowledge. it wasn’t until i brought up my release that I was informed that my psychiatrist had deemed me “unsafe to be released”. and at this place, i lived in fear. shift changes meant new rules because they weren’t written down, and different nurses had different ideas with what was allowed. my anxiety was on constant alert because i could get in trouble for things from one nurse, while the same thing was totally fine by another nurse. i got yelled at for wearing a sleeveless top (the top i had come in in, which i had worn many times without incident), and for playing the piano quietly while someone else had the tv on very loud (something that the other patients had told me they didn’t mind). i was harassed by other patients (who were dealing with their own problems - not bad people, just also struggling people). and it was not uncommon for the staff to wear no identification, refuse to identify themselves, and simply loiter in our rooms. so once again, i shut the fuck up and started acting like this had changed something and got the FUCK out of there.

nowadays, i am receiving outpatient treatment at a building that is part of the same hospital, is right next door, but isn’t part of the psychiatric unit. for the first week, including my introductory appointments, i couldn’t go into the building without having tears streaming down my face. i had meltdowns in the car before the first two appoints, tantrum-like anxiety attacks at the thought of being near the place. because all i could think was, someone here is going to pull some strings and they’re not going to let me leave. i suspected my parents more than once of trying to bring me here to just commit me and be done with it (unfounded fear, my parents would not). and though i don’t cry the whole time anymore, i still have severe anxiety about going to these appointments every day. i spend the rest of the day feeling anxious and my boyfriend comforts me, telling me i’m safe and that no one’s going to take me away, because deep in a corner of my head, i’m always so scared of that.

that fear of being taken away and locked up, that is so fucking real, so present, and so overwhelming sometimes. so of course people are going to be scared of admitting how bad things really are.

but i’m sorry, i’m not finished yet. the flipside of this is that i often have to convince people that i’m depressed. you see, because of my upbringing and the pressure i faced to perform well in all areas of my life, i learned to hide that depression. no talking about it, no being sad, no letting anyone see the tears or the self-harm marks, i learned to hush up and do good in school, sports, theater, church, my social groups, any other activities. i never drank or did drugs, i wasn’t having sex. 

and in college, things got bad again. i was getting As, on two scholarships, and self-harming more than ever. i would power through my work, self-harm to calm down, and repeat. someone told me, “you’re basically writing essays with your own blood.” so i went to my academic counselor and told her that i believed i would need to leave school because my depression was getting too bad. this was not a decision made lightly. honestly, the idea of not succeeding in school and not graduating made me want to die even more than the idea of staying. but death was pretty certain if i stayed, and if i left, i would have a more safe place and less obligations so i would be able to seek help. she did not agree with me wanting to leave school when i explained about the depression. i reiterated my mental pain many times to her before finally explaining that school was making me suicidal. at that point, she literally would not let me leave her office until one of the school nurses escorted me to the dean’s office. i was not allowed to be alone. finally, i was able to push through my withdrawal, and was then promptly banned from the campus because they didn’t want me to “be a distraction to the other students” who, you know, were my pretty much only friends and support at the time. and yes i understand that this is all legality bullshit because they have to cover their asses and they don’t want me to kill myself on their property. but that’s what it’s come to.

that if i’m not suicidal, people believe that i’m not depressed enough for it to reasonably impair my day-to-day functioning, but if i do mention that i’m suicidal, i will be treated either like a toddler who only gets safety scissors, or i will be escorted to the nearest facility “equipped to deal with” people like me.  

fuck the way our society views suicide and depression. we need to be more open about this shit. so many people will never get real help if we don’t.