#not to mention the fact that i will have to be misgendered for my safety

[genderqueerdykes]

someone brought up the concept of going stealth in a trans server and it made me kind of realize a thing I never see people talk about when the concept of ‘stealth privilege’ (not scare quotes just quotes) is mentioned. maybe it is mentioned but i’ve never seen it

I’m nonbinary/multigender. I can’t fucking DO stealth. I’d have to shove myself into the closet and present as a cis [my agab] or transition to looking like a cis [not my agab] (like i have the money for that (i don’t)). The closest I get to that is not mentioning my gender online IDK it just really hit me that if shit hit the fan a lot of nonbinary people would have to suck it up and present as a gender they don’t identify as. And y’know obviously in a case where i’d have to recloset myself or where other nbies would have to, I’d/we’d have way bigger worries than gender presentation and dysphoria but i never really thought about the fact that I don’t have the option to transition and then go stealth mode as someone who wants a very gender-fuck presentation

There isn’t really a point to this it just made me think more about the stuff you always talk about like how multigender people are consistently excluded from trans conversations.

(ALSO YES THERE’S ALL THE OTHER STUFF ABT STEALTH PRIVILEGE LIKE HOW GROUPS OF PEOPLE CANNOT TRANSITION OR STILL WOULDN’T BE SAFE IF GOING STEALTH, ETC ETC. THERE’S ALSO A LOT OF TRANS PEOPLE WHO COULDN’T GO STEALTH AND WOULD HAVE TO RECLOSET IN A SCENARIO WHERE YOU’D NEED TO PRETEND TO BE CIS. NOT IGNORING THAT. JUST. NOT THE POINT I’M BRINGING UP)

it's a tough conversation and while it's good that some people can go stealth, even if it's painful, even if it is presenting as the wrong gender, other trans people struggle to find ways to do that in the first place. some people can fit into the narrow male-female binary and pass as a cisgender person of gender they don't identify as for safety reasons and while it's horrible, it's good to have that there

i can't go stealth, either, it's impossible for me. i'm either gendered as a genderqueer cis guy (everyone in my neighbor thinks i'm a cis man, whenever i bring up that i'm trans theyre shocked). people dont ignore my feminine clothes or make my makeup either. ive tried to pass as a cishet "normal" looking man for a long time and while most strangers in passing didnt catch on a lot of people in my life gave me shit for it

im misgendered constantly, im sexualized for my hips and ass, but people are threatened by my beard and deep voice. i can't pass as a cis woman because of that, or how big and bulky and hairy my body is. but yet when people find out i have a uterus, i'm being constantly gendered as a straight woman instead of being recognized as a gay trans man

i can't even pass as a cis butch lesbian anymore. i'm genderfucked, like you said. there's nothing left to pass as

i don't know how to present in order to look "normal" anymore. i'm intersex. i have literally never been able to figure this out. my body is too masculine for womens clothes, too feminine for mens clothes. im androgynous, a hermaphrodite, theres nothing i can do to stop making people question my gender when they see me.

nobody should have to go stealth but some queer people literally can't, you're right. i think often about how the hell i'm supposed to unqueer myself for "Serious" situations. i can't figure it out

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my cousin i know he’s gay?

at the beginning of summer, my parents and i (20NB) visited my dad’s side of the family in the south. we stayed with an aunt and uncle, but the only person who really matters here is their son/my cousin (17M). i’d say he and i aren’t necessarily close. we get along just fine when we visit, but never really talk outside of that. i still care a lot for him, but we just don’t communicate much.

earlier this year, i heard from my dad that he got a boyfriend. i thought to send him my congrats, being the only other openly queer member of the family, but then i questioned why my dad even knew that. his side of the family is deeply conservative, and i knew for a fact that this kid’s dad had genuinely cried when trump lost the elections. it didn’t feel right for that knowledge to be so public, especially considering he and my dad aren’t that close, either. i asked him if my cousin had told him himself, and he said no. i asked him if my cousin had given permission to disclose that. he didn’t know how to respond to that. i’d previously been outed against my will to this side of the family, and it became obvious that that’s what happened to him, as well. i asked if his parents knew, and my dad said no. despite telling everyone and their dog about it, everyone was keeping it from them, likely out of fear for his safety. i was glad for that, at the least.

anyways. our visit went fine, in the grand scheme of things. what’s hanging on my mind is when i pulled my cousin aside one day to ask the family’s opinion on me, and if they ever talked about me behind my back. they all act cordially enough around me, using my proper name, pronouns, etc, but that’s to be expected. not only do they all care a lot for appearances, but when i first visited after coming out at 14, i had a horrible panic attack due to some of them constantly misgendering me. my dad gave them a stern talking to, and he’s the type of guy you don’t want to make angry, so thankfully it never happened again. i couldn’t ask this to my parents, because they tend to dance around the subject to protect me, or outright lie to me (i don’t hold it against them, as i said, they think it’s to protect me), but i knew he would tell the truth. i should mention that he hadn’t disclosed to me anything about his boyfriend or sexuality at this point, and i obviously wasn’t going to push.

he told me that yes, they did. i won’t go into the details, but it’s what i largely expected. after he finished explaining, he added “they talk a lot about me, too” or something along those lines. it was obvious what he was alluding to, but only because i already knew. had my dad not told me, i know that comment would’ve gone right over my head. so i played dumb. i laughed and asked what they could possibly say about him, and he was quick to stutter out something about how they gossip about everyone. the conversation stopped shortly after, but i can’t stop thinking about it.

the reason i lied and played dumb is that i wanted to give him some autonomy over his coming out. it was obviously ripped away from him by everyone else, and i know how shitty that feels. i wanted him to have a choice, for once. the thing is, i know i’m hypocritical for doing so. were i in his shoes, i’d want to know if i was forcibly outed, and by who. the reason that conversation even started was because i wanted someone to tell me the truth, and i ended up lying myself in the end. i don’t know. should i have told him? i wanted to give him the choice i never had, but i don’t know if that was selfish of me or not to project my feelings onto him like that. AITA for not telling him i knew?

What are these acronyms?

[little-lee-froggie]

So, I just woke up to this in my inbox

(tw, the anon mentions rape and suicide)

So yeah, what the fuck.

I’m sorry if it’s weird to make a post about this just because of one hate message, but I’m not going to let anyone talk to me like that. I’m mostly doing this because of the fact that my post where I said I had made attempts is now pretty far down in my post history because I’ve been somewhat active the past few days, and I just got this message this morning. So either this person scrolled through all my posts just to find one they could use to try and trigger me, or they scroll on the vent tag and will just send people messages like this. Also, a person was tagged, which means either I know exactly who did this, or someone is being framed for saying something like this to me.

(Edit: after talking to the person tagged, they were in fact framed. Please don’t be mad at them, they are a victim in this situation, being framed for things they didn’t do. This anon is the bad guy, the person tagged did nothing wrong, and in the small amount of conversation I had with them, the seem very kind)

If this person just scrolls through the vent tag, people need to be aware that there is someone doing this. Venting on the internet is what keeps some people alive, they don’t have anywhere else to go to. Some people need to vent, and the fact that someone might be trying to use that against us is absolutely disgusting, and if this is the case, people need to know for their own safety.

Who ever did this, I’m not going to sugar coat this, you fucking disgust me. You know nothing about me so you have no right to comment on what I deserve, nor does anyone deserve to be rapped. No one has any right to misgender me or anyone else. You may think you know who I am because you read one vent post by me, but you don’t. You don’t know who I am, and you don’t know me. I can’t be sure that the person they tagged is really them, because if they wanted to say who they were, they would have just not used anon, so I’m hesitant to report the person they tagged, but if anyone knows how to check if it was actually that person, that would be great. But yeah, whoever did this, you have no right to misgender me and say such gross things. You likely are looking for attention, I understand that, attention is important, but saying something like this to a person is not justifiable. You can’t do that. I’m pretty numb to most things, so I’m not personally triggered by this, but someone might be. In the event someone were to actually kill themselves because of an anonymous message you sent, that’s your fault. A person would be dead because of you. Do you understand how fucking terrible that is? Someone could die.

I am going to go have a conversation with the person tagged. I understand that if they were the person who actually sent it that this could just result getting told more things like this, but if they are being framed, they deserve to know. But yeah, that anon has been blocked and I’m going to be turning off anon for a little while

[raelynnteam]

A blog post from Jaina, 12/3/23

Friday December 1st the associate superintendent Karen Arnold singled me out under the guise of enforcing policy. She claimed it was against policy for me to be wearing a white shirt. She was too cowardly to address it with me personally. She went to my counselor and had HIM direct me to change my shirt. Ashley and I later discussed it with the counselor and asked to see the policy that directed us to exchange all our white shirts for grey ones. No such policy or written directive exists. Instead we were shown a state issue property list that is absent any mention of white shirts however, the clothing room was still issuing white shirts after this property list was added to policy, they had simply switched to ordering only grey shirts at that time. So to interpret this list to be a directive to exchange all white shirts for grey ones is simply a convenient weapon to turn against me. There is no such policy that says I am not allowed to wear the white shirts issued to me by this prison's own clothing room, that is absurd.

This is the same associate superintendent who was firmly convinced that Ashley and I were guilty of the previous bogus accusations. So convinced that she ignored the Unit Supervisor's investigation and conducted her own, spanning over the course of 90 days.

That same day I watched several other inmates wearing white shirts to whom nobody said anything. Another administrative staff member was in the unit the same day having a conversation with an inmate wearing a white shirt. Nobody directed this other inmate to change their shirt. Even my celly was wearing a white shirt, and still does.

Her complaint was that you could see my bra outlined through the white shirt. (Oh god, can't have that, someone might mistake that faggot for a woman.)

Side note: Please forgive my profanity, sarcasm, and facetious humor. My goal is simply to illustrate the point. I include hateful speech because it underlines the subtext of hateful actions against me, and I want my readers to feel the outrage that I feel.

Targeted for being trans in prison, what else is new?

I'd wager that woman misgenders me on purpose when I'm not around. She is incapable of seeing: a woman assigned male at birth trying desperately to present as female. She just thinks I'm: some faggot trying to sexually entice men. It's really sad too, because her attitude isn't just damaging to transwomen, it also serves to reinforce the patriarchal ideal that women in general are just objects of male sexual desire.

Her defensive posturing with the counselors was to express her concern for my safety as there are many sex offenders here. It saddens me that she feels compelled to force me to disguise the fact that I am a woman and hide my femininity for fear that her staff could not otherwise ensure my safety.

Also, let me just say that I was wearing was not at all provocative, and I am appalled by her attitude which is closely akin to: "she was asking for it, I mean did you see how she was dressed?"

Fact is, I wasn't doing anything inappropriate or else I would have been infracted. If the policy did in fact call for everyone to exchange their previously issued white shirts for grey ones by a certain date, then she should have enforced it the same for everyone, rather than singling me out for matters related to my gender. She just felt compelled to harass me about something, because she dislikes that I'm allowed to be a woman.

Hilariously, as it turns out, you can still tell I have breasts when I'm wearing a grey shirt, so maybe they should just put chastity devices on all the sex offenders since we can't keep them all separated from the apparent temptation of a woman within reach of their rapist paws. Oh wait, some of the staff are women too! Cisgendered women who look distinctively feminine without going to great lengths to present as such! I guess the only solution for women to be safe within these gates is to castrate all the rapists. No wait, just have all the women disguise themselves as men, so the rapists can't recognize them. Of course we would still have to worry about the GAY rapists mistaking us for men...

OR MAYBE THERE COULD BE CAMERAS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND UNIFORMED OFFICERS WALKING ABOUT WITH PEPPER SPRAY AND RADIOS, and women could just be ourselves.

Q.E.D. Nobody's safe in prison (or everyone is safe because the supervision is adequate).

Don't make silly excuses to justify your prejudice. I will always call out your transphobic bullshit.

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

cishet white guy nursing student had a fascinating (and endearing) reaction to my experiences with hospitals

thinking about last week when i did the second queer-centered patient simulation for the new LGBTQ+ program at our university hospital. this is the same one i helped develop, and it's the first of its kind in our state (which is crazy!! i'm part of something groundbreaking!!)

at the end of it, the two other "patients" and i had to join the debrief, to share our impressions and advice with the students.

for the most part, as with any student, they were all nervous to interact with something new without any of the history or context, and all of them held a sizable fear of offending us. but each of them did wonderfully and treated us like any other patient: like humans.

one of the students was a guy in his thirties, and though he wasn't assigned to me he still listened to everything i had to say to all the students.

first i went "Congrats, y'all just met some queer folk!" as an ice breaker, bc i got the impression that most of them hadn't interacted with (openly) queer people before.

i also let them know that 1) they had the hard job when it came to pronouns; i don't refer to myself in the third person, as it's just me, myself, and i. and 2) don't worry about being accidentally offensive, bc if we got offended every time we got misgendered then every day would be exhausting.

and then, i ended with something a bit more personal but explained that many, many queer and trans people went through something similar.

i said, "Please understand, going to the hospital is a frightening experience for a lot of queer folk. Sometimes, the only way to ensure our safety and treatment, is to pretend I'm a girl. Until I know for sure I can trust you, I remain "undercover". It's not comfortable, but it's better than fighting for my identity every time I see a doctor."

the student mentioned before, the cishet white guy in his thirties, apparently got stuck on that. during the final round of comments, he spoke up and looked at me with a genuinely distressed expression.

"You mentioned you have to default to your assigned gender just to go to the doctor?" he said. he's a tall, broad man that had to twist and fold into the desk chair, and i guess he'd been working already from how frazzled and sweaty he was. nothing about him looked comfortable, but his expression, though pinched with concern, was open and listening.

"My current PCP still believes I'm a girl," I replied. "I've known him almost my whole life, but he's never given me any indication I can trust him. He's a kind old man, but there's always a fear that if I come out to him, then I won't receive the treatment I need. It's not a guarantee, but this has happened to many trans people before."

The concern in the student's face turned to genuine frustration. "I'd never considered that before, that's just," he tried. "That's just not right."

i'm reminded of the first time i read "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" in high school. our English teacher wanted us to decide for ourselves, would we stay in the utopia that depends on the suffering of one person, or leave?

a surprising amount of my classmates said they'd stay, bc there was nothing to be done about the one in suffering. and yeah, most of the class were white middle/upper class cishet people

i was horrified. when it was my turn to answer, i said, "I would leave."

"Why?" my teacher asked.

"Because it isn't right," i insisted. i couldn't put words to the disgust i was feeling. how could i possibly remain somewhere i knew for a fact relied on suffering to exist?

the teacher tried to get me to think past "right and wrong", or at least to find words to explain why this scenario was so wrong to me. and even then, i knew he was in agreement with me. but it was a philosophical question designed to make the reader think, to examine their beliefs when faced with a choice that many claim impossible. and the teacher informed us that our society is already like this due to colonialism and capitalism.

but i was stuck, because this was the first time i saw just how many people were ok with Omelas, and i got sick to my stomach so couldn't get past "This is just wrong, it's wrong!"

my twin brother, who had the same class with me, had what i thought was the best and most practical answer (and i was so so relieved)

"I'd walk away," my brother said. "I'm not going to rely on someone else for my happiness, not if I can help it. My home and health will be my own responsibility."

that nursing student had his Omelas moment. he'd never had to consider if he could trust his doctor or not, he'd never had to fight for treatment just because of his gender or sexuality. but he finally saw the metaphorical unnamed human being suffering in silence as the rest of society went on with their blissful lives.

i don't think i've ever been so happy to see someone so frustrated. and i made sure to tell him how much i appreciated it, it's not something you can easily explain to cishet people but he caught on fast enough that i'm fully convinced he's going to be a kind, compassionate nurse one day.

[anothershittyaccount]

Still troubled by the fact that she started saving pictures on Friday of one of the other guys she didn't send money too. Like how is carrying on a relationship you formed behind my back while supposedly trying to work things out with me a logical thing to do. It makes me so depressed.

And then like the shit about them telling her to delete messages for her safety, so like I wouldn't find out or who knows what? Just feels like some grand conspiracy against me. It all just makes me want to die.

Thinking about nem again and wanting to go to peru. Considering trying to order online through the recs in peaceful pill but the costs are so much higher than what you'd pay in peru and probably scams because everything online is a fucking front.

I also am having intense urges to burn myself. Even thinking about cutting. And like now that the class is over, I don't have to worry about hiding shit. I mean obvious if c finds out she will be judgemental...like she said the other month that it was sexy and unattractive and she's not into it, etc etc which is uber bs and stigmatizing and hypocritical given her own self harm. Not to mention she knew I struggled with self harm before we even got together so to suddenly be like hateful about it just feels like a low blow and tbh, it's my body, my choice and I don't like how she's insulting my choices and then making it into the reason why she's not attracted to me when it's clear she is essentially straight and prefers cis men and not me. Plus all the transphobic shit she said earlier about me dropping classes over being misgendered or misnamed... felt good to graduate today and be like fuck you.

I just am not feeling the love. I really don't see a point in going on. I will try and resist the urge for the next 10 days and once she resumes her class, if I still feel this way I will just do it. Like maybe it will pass but doubtful, I've been wanting to do it since January but literally only refrained because of my class but now that I no longer have that commitment, the time is right.

[saskiavalentineapologist]

i’m going on a trip to see my girlfriend june 26th to july 3rd. im really excited about it!! but

her family is really conservative, and im....well. me. a hairy nb butch lesbian. and i’ve managed to avoid shaving for the summer so far but...i think before the trip im going to have to. 

and i hate it, i hate it so much. not having hair makes me feel so dysphoric, it’s the only thing that really triggers my dysphoria.

idk man. sad roselyn hours tonight boys

[la-la-lavandee]

sadly for my own safety (and the fact that i dont support the station system anymore for non-drama related reasons i discovered on my own) i have to be on anon about this, but hi! im a third party for the drama and im rather neutral on the matter, but i was a friend of the system for a long time, so i can generally vouch for it (though again i did break off for more minor, unrelated issues). take me with a grain of salt and make up your own conclusions, but from my experience a lot of the callout blogs and those against the system ARE genuinely harassing it, purposefully misgendering it (and have been for years now), etc. this drama has been ongoing for years and i fear that a lot of the vitriol is just a ploy to stir up as much drama as possible, even though this whole matter should really be settled by now...

a lot of, if not most, of the evidence theyll show is outdated, cropped (like you mentioned previously), and/or taken out of context. a lot of these things the station system has apologized for. perhaps not in the way those who run the callout blogs wish it did, but it still did apologize and i believe it should count for something.

these people have even harassed me, a third party, about this. this is another reason i cant come forward publicly off anon, because both sides will have a bone to pick with me. i do heavily lean in the system's favor, but i believe this drama to be old, ridiculous, and it should really be settled. both sides should really just move on with their lives... i know the system wants to.

im not sure what to say to convince you to remain in the middle on this, as its been some time and i rather keep my distance from both sides myself and not involve myself in a drama that i have no place in. i dont want to be dragged into this, and i know for a fact that the callout blogs who harass the station system want to and are trying to drag unrelated parties into the mix, likely for no other reason than to create more hatred. their tactics raise a lot of red flags, and it seems they havent changed much by what ive read on your blog.

neither side is good. ive seen evidence on both ends to prove this. this drama was born of really early callout culture and it hasnt moved on from it. its best to leave it be.

sorry if this was unprompted, i just dont want anyone to have to go through what i did with this drama. its not fair for those of us who are third parties of this to be forced into it.

I'm gonna be real, this ceased to be "drama" in my mind when allegations of assault were brought into the mix. One side is providing extremely limited and cropped evidence, the other is providing none at all, allegedly the authorities are involved.

I don't have a solid timeline because people keep deleting their blogs or not sending me any evidence or just sending me advice and I have to confess, I'm not a person who's really worth winning over. I'm terrible at sticking to my guns.

It's my belief that as far as I know I don't think anybody here should be on social media. I just want to make sure I'm not making a severe mistake or missing something vital.

I have little to no stake in this argument I'm just extremely confused and worried.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Thank you everyone, both maggots and strangers, for their kind words on this post and elsewhere to me. I've done some thinking since I sent the ask yesterday, and had conversations with my therapist and my mum. I don't like posting darker things on my blog, and I usually avoid it, but I'm making an exception here because so many of you have reached out to help me and I think you deserve to know the situation.

Trigger warning for discussion of queerphobia, ableism and bullying below. If you're going to read on, please be careful. Nothing takes precedence over your own mental health.

...

I reached an uncomfortable realisation, that I don't have a good choice. Whether I choose to study on campus or do an online course or not do college at all, whether I stay closeted or not, all of those involve horrible compromises of my mental health, safety and education.

I don't think that's fair. I shouldn't have to choose between my safety and getting a basic goddamn degree in a field I love. I shouldn't have to make a choice between my mental health and being able to earn a living.

But I do have to make that choice, as do millions of other people here. My situation is exacerbated by the fact that I'm lower than middle class economically and I'm queer. But people with different situations, better or worse, are all facing the consequences of a really, really broken system.

Yeah, there are benefits and anti-bullying policies and safety structures in place, but they're not there to protect me. They're there to protect the people in positions of authority from the consequences of their actions to people like me, a system that decides what does and what doesn't count as harassment, and can dismiss whatever it likes. And would misgendering me count as harassment? Nope. Neither would isolating me. Neither would dead-naming me or invalidating me.

I wanted to write this down, because yeah, I'm still terrified. Not just for myself, but for all the students here, queer and otherwise. But now I'm also furious.

I'm so angry at a system that ruins people's lives when they've barely started. And I still don't know what to do about my career. But I do know what I want to do about this. I don't have money or power, but I've always had my words, and I'm not going to shut up about this anymore.

Because the education system is deeply fucked at its core, and the queerphobia here is normalised and unchecked, and so many victims of this don't have the words or the platform to speak out about it. But I do, and I'm going to speak for them instead. And I'm going to force the people in positions of authority to listen.

I just wanted everyone to know that I'm very grateful to you for supporting me, and that I want to pass that support on to people like me. That's all.

Note: There are many far darker sides to the education system here that may be extremely triggering, so I've kept it under the cut. TW for mentions of s**cide and d*ath. Again, please be careful if you're reading further.

In the city where I live, in just the two campuses of a highly reputed college where many of my former classmates go, there have been three suicides in less than a year. One college, less than a year, and three people dead. I don't know about the third, but two of them were nineteen years old, just like I am. In 2021, the suicide rate amongst students in India was around 34 deaths per day.

When I told the Dean of my former college that I felt unsafe and miserable in the college environment, she told me to stop being self-absorbed. And then denied saying it the next day when she called my parents to complain about me. To complain about my phone call to her, which I'd asked permission for, and in which I'd said I felt unsafe.

Even people who are asking for help, begging for help, don't receive it. I was lucky enough to have a support system of therapy, medical help and my parents taking my side when she did this to me. Most people don't have that system.

It's fucking sick. And I want to do everything I can to fix it.

Hi Neil, I hope you're having a good day. I'm really scared and confused and I need advice, so I thought I'd ask here, just in case.

I don't think I'll be able to go to college, because of the way I work and because of my low energy and also because I'm queer and live in India and I've already dropped out once because of extreme isolation and bullying for my queerness and mental health.

But I know that I'm really lucky to have been able to get accepted again at a good college now, and that it's something I love doing, with design and film making and writing. And now I don't know what to do.

I thought I remembered something about this in your book Art Matters, so I picked it up and searched through it and found a paragraph that said, "I escaped from school as soon as I could, when the prospect of four more years of enforced learning before I'd become the writer I wanted to be was stifling."

And as a writer and artist I understand that, so much, and it comforted me.

But I'm still so terrified. Thanks to everyone here on tumblr, I'm not alone, but I'm still terrified.

Do you have any advice for me? I suppose it's already in the book, but it would help to hear it again. Thank you so much for everything.

-Asmi

My advice is try it. Try the college, but tell yourself that you can stop if you need to. Learn skills you may need to make art with. See if you can build a group of people who like the things that you like and treat you as a friend.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Quick thinking: Pat or J with a genderfluid reader

Hello, my love!💙 I looooove these quick thinking asks! They’re writing without actually writing and I enjoy them, so please don’t ever hesitate to send one if you’d like to!💚💜

I did some research on genderfluid as a definition and I also searched the #genderfluid reader tag on tumblr as a part of my research and I hope that I portrayed everything respectfully! Please, please tell me if I made any mistakes somewhere and I will rectify it immediately!

Pat ~ 

Pat is very tender-hearted and kind and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. I’m sure that he would accept you just as you are without much thought; he’s so loving and he’s very non-judgemental; so long as you’re comfortable in yourself, that’s all that matters to Pat. Don’t be afraid to ask him for things or tell him things, either, he’s always there to listen to you and to support you. 

If someone dared to say or do something insulting towards you, Pat jumps right in. Pat doesn’t care what people say about him, but about you? He’s the first one to say “hey!” sharply and correct the person. He’s not afraid of standing up for what is right, to protect you, though he knows that you can defend yourself, too. He’d be especially likely to speak up if he could see that you weren’t going to for whatever reason - silence is compliance, in Pat’s eyes, and he refuses to be a bystander. 

Pat pays attention and he knows things about you; every birthday, every anniversary, everything which is important to you is important to Pat. He’d take to buying you items of clothing which he thinks you’ll like, let you borrow his clothes if you feel like dressing masculine today (he’s the type to pull his shirt over his head and pass it to you with a cheeky wink if you’re familiar with each other’s bodies like that), or help you pick out other outfits if you’re not sure of anything. 

He’s fiercely protective of you and he does his own research after you opened up to him about being genderfluid so that he knows what to say, what not to say, how to support you - he’s loud in his pride towards you, obvious in his love and always there for you. Most especially when you don’t know that you need for him to be.

J ~

I say this as gently as possible, but J doesn’t care. He just doesn’t. He doesn’t mean it to be callous but he means it in a way where it’s total acceptance. Nothing you could say would surprise him and tbh he probably suspected before you said anything about the fact that you’re genderfluid; he’s so perceptive and knowing. With J, his apathy is your safety; you can do and be and say anything and you’re safe with him. 

From the moment you told him about you (he responded to this with a shrug and an “okay” and that was it), J began to look for patterns; what do you wear? When? Is there a corresponding pronoun which you use in relation to the clothes you wear, the scents you use as laundry detergent and other ways you express yourself? Is there no pattern? Questions race through his mind but J quickly works it out and he’s not afraid to ask questions, either, though if you’re obviously uncomfortable with it then he’ll resolve to work it out for himself.

J is the best person to have around and he would only misgender you or make a mistake once - he’s a quick learner, though I’d be surprised if he did make any mistakes because of how perceptive he is - he’s very intuitive and he seems to know things before you do, or things which you don’t tell him or haven’t yet mentioned. Out of respect for you, he always wait for you to tell him things, unless he can see you won’t tell him for some reason or another, in which case he takes the initiative.

He is supportive in very quiet ways which you need to learn to read for yourself; compliments are oddly specific to tell you that he’s learning and paying attention to you, and when he steals you items, they’re always things you’ve mentioned in passing and then forgotten about. But J never forgets anything about you. You’re important to him, and he takes care of that which is his.

[bitchesgetriches]

AHHHHH!!! THANK YALL BITCHES FOR DOING THIS!

So background, I'm an Indian Transwoman and I think a lot of people could benefit from hearing this. (This starts off long and depressing, but will have some good tips)

1) We lose so much right out the gate. In highschool I had done incredibly well for myself and had 2 job offers for 60k + a year as web developer the day I turned 18. I was also running an IT company under one of my profs LLC. I got outted at the end of Junior year. I lost both those job offers, and all except 2 business connections. The day I was outted I had 5k in contracts cancelled. When that went down the drain, I pushed hard at Papa John's. There I was told "I'm one of the good ones", little did I know the "training exam" I was taking was actually my shift manager's GM training. Realizing it later I pushed to get that position. My District Manager said I could be a GM 1 month after I turned 18 in his district. The day I turned 18 I actually had to flee town for my safety. I transferred to another district, where the district manager made a point to secretly deny me even a shift lead promotion for years. I wound up being an interim GM while the district manager was looking for another one. Mind you they still hadn't even promoted me to shift lead. When I worked at a store in a City with trans job protections, I reported some transphobia and was immediately transferred to a store outside city limits where I wasn't legally protected. Later down the road when I started to look for software developer position I ran into more problems. I have had 7 interviews where when I came in for an in person interview I didn't talk to anyone other than the receptionist cause I'm trans. Don't let anyone tell you that tech is a tolerant industry for trans people in general, there is vastly more acceptance for college educated white transwomen than for other transpeople, and even for college educated white transwomen it's hard.

2) I did learn a few tricks along the way though, don't put your pronouns in an application or anything like that. Don't introduce yourself with pronouns. Instead correct the person when they get it wrong the first time, and be sternly assertive (do the same if ur name is different than your application name). Keep this up throughout your first interaction/day. IF you end up seeing them a second time they'll usually treat you with more respect. Also the advice to not put your legal name on applications etc. can backfire, especially at larger companies where things are automated and background checks are done. I knew someone who got fired cause one of the company's terms and conditions used their not legal name.

The obvious caviat to this is that, every trans experience is different. What works with one person might make things worse with another.

3) Now this one is kinda a tip for trans people too. A super assertive cis person correcting people for you, will be far more useful than spending all your energy 🥄 s correcting every sentence. As a transperson I've found the best jobs I've had are the ones where I've had a cis person who stood up for me without being asked. If you (a cis person) read or hear someone being misgendered, correct them and make that piece of shit feel as uncomfortable as possible. It's a shitty fact but me correcting someone on my pronouns has pretty much 0 effect after the 20th time. But every single time a cis person corrects another cis person it makes a difference. Being as aggressive and polite as you can be to make the piece of shit who's misgendering someone regret doing it is great. Making the Cis person spend as much effort dealing with the repercussions of misgendering someone, as the transperson has to spend dealing with transphobia. BUT Always listen to your trans co worker, if they say don't do something don't do it.

Also if you're hiring and wanna be trans inclusive, put something obvious on your application that shows your company puts in effort for transpeople. This can look like a lot of things :

Offer a legal and preferred name options and say something along the lines of "Your preferred name will be used in all possible situations, legal name will only be used for ___contracts etc. ___" MAKE THE PREFERRED NAME MANDATORY for all applications.

If you can get your company to list a donation they've made to a Trans supportive organization on the website is useful. Make the company put their money where their mouth is a good one is :

https://transgenderlawcenter.org/donate

THANK YOU BITCHES FOR DOING THIS! I HOPE Y'ALL GET SO MANY RESPONSES!!! And hopefully more advice!

This was a rollercoaster of emotions!!! Thank you so much for detailing your experiences as a transwoman in the workplace for Transgender Awareness Week. You answered our questions far better than I ever anticipated! 

It is incredibly infuriating and demoralizing to hear about a talented person being chased out of an industry because of their identity. And I’m really glad you also mentioned how things might be different for a transwoman of color, rather than a white transwoman. Yet again, intersectional prejudice rears its ugly head! 

Thank you so much for including a bit about how we cisgender people can really help in the workplace, especially the bit about listening to our trans coworkers’ needs and how everyone’s experiences are different.

Keep the stories coming, trans citizens of Bitch Nation! We want to hear all about how being trans has affected your money and career, how you’ve dealt with these difficulties, and how the rest of us can help.

Queer Finance 101: Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances 

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

it's more of a question to Max or Wes as they're trans men but if Maddie has some advice i'll be happy to read it :) how to know if i'm a trans guy? coz i feel like i kinda want to be a boy but i don't dislike being a girl and i think of myself as a girl and it's lowkey hard to even imagine myself not being a girl. also i like how i look (i am feminine) and kinda don't feel an overwhelming need to change it

(same trans-questioning anon) also i'm actually really scared that i'm transgender because here in poland people and the government are really fuckin queerphobic, and even in a normal country being bi and trans would be hard, but here it would probably be living hell :///

hi nonnie ! this is a bit complicated. there are a few different things that i want to say. but i do want to begin upfront and say that no one can know what your gender is but you. there isn’t one way to be trans or one narrative we all have to fulfill. everybody is different. 

now, i want to propose a few things for you to consider and see if it fits for you:

1. maybe you’re nonbinary? you don’t necessarily need to choose between being a Boy or a Girl. here’s a really great blog post with some different terms and concepts around nonbinary gender identities if you haven’t considered it yet: https://genderqueerid.com/gq-terms 

2. maybe you are a trans guy, but it is difficult for you to consider yourself as that because you’re not ready yet, and/or scared of the transphobia that you may face. i know i personally dealt with this a lot, especially when i was much younger and first starting to question my gender (middle-high school, which is teenage years in the usa). conceptualizing myself as male made things too real so i didn’t for a long time. and definitely right after i started coming out, i would still misgender myself for a while in my own head because i had already spent 20 years of my life seeing myself in that way and also because it was “safer”. but the more i got it right and the more i heard my friends gender me correctly made me realize that felt so much better than just being okay with being a girl. and i’m still pretty feminine - in fact i still wear a lot of the same clothes i used to, i still play around with make-up sometimes, being feminine isn’t something that you necessarily have to feel at odds with or anything. and you don’t have to hate your body or want to change how you look to be a trans guy (this is also true if you’re nonbinary of course). all that matters is: does this new identity feel More You and More Comfortable than the gender assigned to you at birth? then that’s probably your identity or at least worth experimenting within yourself and maybe a small group of friends that you trust to really see. 

3. maybe you’re not trans. i hate mentioning this because every transphobic gatekeeper is always going to be like “You Are Not Trans Because XYZ” but i think it is something to keep in mind because there is nothing wrong with being cisgender and questioning your gender. maybe there are other things going on that are kind of connected that’s bringing this up and it’s safer to question your gender then consider that right now. i don’t know. i feel like that’s a very Psychoanalytical(TM) way of viewing that and honestly i don’t really believe it that much lmfao but i do think it’s helpful especially for trans people - the more that you might move towards thinking of yourself as trans, using different pronouns, etc. the question “am i cisgender?” becomes more and more obviously wrong. i mean you might even have had that reaction as you read this - you might have been nodding along to 1 & 2 and being like yeah maybe and then the thought of not being trans made you a little upset. that can definitely be a sign too ! 

anyways this is very long but i do want to say that as an american i don’t really know what it’s like for trans people in poland. i totally understand your worries. and no matter what you should always prioritize your safety. only go as far as you feel comfortable and safe in when exploring your gender. and know that at any time in your life you can return to these thoughts. i didn’t starting transitioning for real until i was 20, almost 21, and that is still really young for transitioning. regardless of how you feel about her caitlyn jenner (parent of the kardashian sisters) didn’t begin her transition until age 66. in my work i know a therapist who works a lot with our local trans community and she has mentioned to me that she’s had a client who was 72 when they began their transition. while of course i hope all trans people can live the majority of their lives as themselves, i also understand that there is a lot to keep us closeted. anyways i hope this isn’t too depressing i just know that i am very privileged to be where i am today and also that a lot of trans people (or people questioning their gender) can feel very pressured to transition as young as possible when the reality is that there is no rush. transitioning young doesn’t make anyone more valid than other trans people who may have done so later. everyone is in a different situation and has a different journey. take your time and know that you will get to a place where you feel comfortable with your gender identity regardless of what it is. :)

Wes

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Twenty One

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

Roman and the King talked about little things that didn’t matter for another forty five minutes, at least. Just when the King was about to bring out a chess board, there was a knock at the door and Damien opened the door, a scowl looking suspiciously like a pout on his face. “Father,” he whined. “You know I want time with my fiancé, too!”

“Oh relax, Damien, we were just about to play chess!” Roman laughed. “And you’ve had several days with me. Your father and I have only had this afternoon!”

Damien sighed. “Fact remains, my dear. I want time with you, too.”

“Then you can join us!” the King said. “So long as you promise not to help Roman while we play chess.”

“I’m not good enough at chess to help,” Damien said, closing the door and walking over.

“Exactly why I don’t want you helping; I want to assess Roman’s skills on his own first,” the King said.

“Oh, great, I didn’t know there was going to be a graded test!” Roman laughed.

“Not graded, just a test in general,” the King said with a wink.

Damien pulled a chair over to where they were sitting and asked, “So, Roman, does it turn out your fears were unfounded?”

Roman glared at Damien. “Come on. Having anxiety about talking to people one-on-one isn’t uncommon, and I had never talked to your father for long before. I believe I had the right to be anxious.”

“I never said you didn’t,” Damien said. “I just asked if your fears were unfounded.”

“While unfounded may be true, Damien, you also have to remember that emotions play into anxiety just as much as facts do,” the King said. “So you might want to go easy on Roman. After all, from what I’ve gathered from when we’ve talked, he could very easily take you down and make you regret your words, should he so choose.”

Roman laughed as Damien made a surprised, choked noise. “Father!” he protested. “It was just teasing!”

“Teasing which was dangerously close to crossing a line, I suspect,” the King said. “Which is why I stepped in.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Roman said. “Especially considering it would have been difficult for me to explain exactly why the word ‘unfounded’ was bothering me.”

The King simply nodded and gestured to the chess board. “The board is set up, and you have the white pieces, you may start.”

Roman nodded and looked at the board with a frown, moving one of his pawns forward. The King did the same, and Roman brought out one of his bishops. The King responded by moving another pawn. Damien watched the game and the three of them chatted as they played.

Damien detailed the picking of the rings that afternoon, which the King nodded along to. Roman talked about that morning after a few questions from the King. He wound up going into a rant that took a solid half an hour and a majority of the chess gameplay to get through. “...And I hate the fact that even now, she still has power over me. It feels like no matter what I do, my mother will do her damnedest to ensure I can’t make any progress. I know that’s not true, logically. I can make progress, especially since I’m out of the country by the end of the week,” Roman said. “And yet, I’m still struggling to get through to the end of that week. Check.”

The King observed the chess board in surprise. “Well, what do you know?” he asked. “You’re rather good at chess, Roman.”

Roman preened under the praise as the King made his move. “Check,” the King said.

Observing the board, Roman saw that by moving the rook the way the King had, Roman was indeed blocked from attacking the king piece and in danger himself from getting captured. Roman took the rook piece, and replied, “Check,” as he cleared the way to the King’s pieces.

The King moved his piece one over to the left, which was exactly what Roman had hoped he’d do. He grinned as he moved his knight into the spot necessary to trap the king piece and crowed, “Checkmate!”

“Well done,” the King clapped. “You’re truly exceptional at chess, Roman! A worthy opponent indeed!”

Roman blushed. “Oh, it’s not that impressive,” he said.

“I would disagree,” Damien said. “My father is the one who taught me chess, and he’s one of the best players in the country, if not the best. I don’t know the status of his long-term rival.”

“Ah, Charles is sick in the hospital, but he’s still kicking,” the King said. “Which reminds me, boys, I really should call him and see how he’s doing. Would you mind waiting outside for a few minutes while I make that call? And then I believe it would be time for dinner, and all three of us could walk down to the dining room.”

“That’s fine by me. Roman?” Damien asked.

“Yeah, fine,” Roman agreed, and he stood with Damien and left the King to his own devices in the study.

Damien sighed once they were out in the hall. “I’m glad you get along with my father, all jokes aside,” he said simply.

“Yeah, he’s a really nice man, and you’re right; the two of you share a similar sense of humor,” Roman said.

“So, what was your initial talk about?” Damien asked. “Was it really about me?”

Roman thought back to his rant about Damien and fought the blush threatening to rise up on his cheeks. “Kind of...” he said. “It was about the whole situation in general. How I was holding up in this mess of a plan for an arranged marriage.”

Damien nodded. “Makes sense,” he said. “My father did seem concerned last night, and not just about your physical safety. When I was being told off for fighting your mother on your name and pronouns, my father not only said that I could have endangered you physically, but that your mother would most likely be doubling down on her position and that could damage your mental health as well. I should have seen him asking about how you were holding up as a given.”

“I mean,” Roman shrugged, “I didn’t see it coming either. Granted, I don’t know your father as well as you do.”

Damien nodded. “True. You wouldn’t be expected to. Most people seem to think that I can predict my father’s actions, however, and I most certainly cannot. Half of what he does is a mystery to me, and the other half that I understand is only because he explains his reasoning in the meetings we have, and I’ve grown to understand his strategy better over the years.”

Roman smiled. “I can’t imagine being expected to predict any of my family members’ behavior. If someone wanted to torture me, all they’d have to do is say I would get hurt if I predicted something wrong, and then made me make predictions about...any of my family, really. I understand my brother Remus the best, and I still get his actions wrong half the time because he is just genuinely off-the-wall unpredictable.”

Damien laughed a little and said, “Oh, yes. We’ve been texting most of the time you were with my father. I retreated to my room under the guise of ‘studying’ and we texted while I took notes for an upcoming essay. He has...quite the imagination. Quite a few gorey metaphors on my phone and in my head that no amount of brain bleach could cure.”

“Oh, yeah, he does that. If you ask him politely to stop he’ll cut back as best he can. Sometimes some slip through, but he never does it maliciously. He just genuinely thinks about blood and gore a tad too much,” Roman said.

“Good to know,” Damien said. “Next time he does something a little too much for me, I’ll ask him politely to stop.”

“You could ask him at any time, he doesn’t need an example of ‘too far,’ he’ll just ask you what sounds like too much and if you give him even vague descriptions he’ll respect it to the best of his ability,” Roman said.

“That is considerate, but for me, personally, he seems to be toeing the line of ‘too much’ rather than actually crossing it. I need to know whether or not I’m truly bothered by it before I ask him to stop.”

“Makes sense,” Roman said, nodding.

Damien offered Roman a small smile. “He talked about you a lot. Wanted to make sure that you were doing okay, and that your mother wasn’t killing you. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to ensure the second part, but hopefully he feels assured that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Yeah, my mother is killing me slowly, unfortunately. I should be able to last through the end of the week, though it won’t be easy,” Roman said.

“I’ll do everything I can to make it easier for you, my dear, you have my word on that.”

“I appreciate it,” Roman murmured.

Damien grinned like he was about to share a secret and Roman frowned. “What?” Roman asked.

“Did you really try to race Remus in high heels once?” Damien asked.

Roman groaned. “I will kill Remus! He swore he’d never tell!”

“According to him, he swore he’d never tell anyone except those who need to know for safety purposes. And I will say that if we were to ever race each other through the halls, I should know not to give you high heels to do it in,” Damien said.

“Of course he said that,” Roman growled. “I still beat him to the kitchen, even nearly twisting my ankle and falling down the steps!”

“Oh, he mentioned that too,” Damien said. “And I must say, my dear, your tenacity is as admirable as it is worrying.”

“Thank you,” Roman huffed. “I do try.”

The door to the study opened and they both looked over to find the King standing there. “Just spoke to Charles, and he said he might not be able to come to the wedding, but he sends his best wishes to the grooms.”

Roman blinked. “Not the bride and groom?”

“If he’s not coming to the wedding, he can’t spoil the surprise. So naturally I used your real name,” the King said easily.

Roman could feel tears forming in his eyes. “Oh, god, I didn’t expect to get so emotional over that,” he said, voice growing thick as he laughed. “That’s really...really nice.”

The King grinned and Damien offered Roman a smile. “It’s good to get your real name out there, then?”

“You have no idea,” Roman said. “Imagine if everyone just one day started calling you Jessica for no reason and refused to call you by anything else, and it was like they forgot your real name. And that’s what deadnaming is sort of like.”

Damien blinked, tilted his head to the side, and said, “I’m starting to fully grasp why you’re so miserable around your mother. Of course, the transphobia I understand on a factual level is distressing, but that metaphor gives me far more insight on the matter than I really...had before. And it’s not a pleasant thought.”

“Yeah,” Roman sighed, scratching his neck. “It’s exhausting.”

“Good thing we’re getting rid of your mother at the end of the week. And just say the word and on your wedding day I’ll throw her off the cliff,” Damien said.

Roman laughed. “Hopefully we can avoid throwing her off the cliff. I have no doubt she’ll be livid at the wedding, but here’s hoping that it won’t be bad enough that she needs to be escorted off the premises.”

“I might have her escorted off anyway, no matter what she does. She doesn’t deserve to see us be happy.”

Roman inwardly frowned at that. He had assumed that Damien would still be dreading the wedding itself. And yet, he said Roman’s mother didn’t deserve to see them happy? At the arranged wedding? What did that mean? Was Damien looking forward to the wedding? In more than just the sense that Roman would be out of his parents’ clutches? Roman was trying not to hope that Damien was implying he liked Roman, and was failing miserably at keeping that hope contained.

“Shall we get to dinner? I’m sure that your mothers are getting ready to come look for us in the next ten minutes,” the King said.

“Let’s get this over with,” Roman said, blowing out a breath. “The sooner dinner’s over the sooner I can relax in my room before going to bed, and I need some time to just lie around and not think.”

“Well, you might have to do some thinking,” the King said as they started walking. “After all, the both of you need to work on your vows.”

Damien and Roman groaned at the same time, Damien while pinching the bridge of his nose and Roman as he tilted his head back towards the ceiling. “I really wish the vows were over and done with,” Roman complained. “I wish we could have just gone the traditional route, it’s such a pain to try and come up with original ones.”

“Personal vows can be the cherry on top of a perfect wedding,” the King said.

“I doubt our wedding will be any kind of ‘perfect,’” Roman said. “Purely from a free will perspective, we’re already losing.”

“I don’t know,” Damien said, considering. “If you look at it from the perspective of a long con, it could be perfect. Convincing everyone around us that we’re in love for however long we’re together? That could be a fun sort of game, depending on how you look at it.”

“I don’t like looking at love like a game,” Roman said.

“Typically I don’t either, but it’s a small thing to think about to distract myself from the pressing matters that I don’t know how to handle,” Damien said with a shrug. “Besides, walking down the aisle, looking and feeling like James Bond doing some sort of undercover work could in theory keep my spirits up.”

“All right, I’ll allow it,” Roman said reluctantly. “But no joking about being in love.”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t make those jokes if you’re not allowed to make them,” Damien said simply.

“You two have an agreement to not discuss love?” the King asked, looking between the two.

“We have an agreement to not make jokes about love,” Roman corrected.

“It does nothing but make one or both of us feel worse about the situation, so we’re not going to press each other’s buttons and make us feel worse,” Damien added.

“Right,” the King said, but the look in his eye said that he had some opinion on the idea that he wasn’t going to spill easily.

Roman shrugged, stretching. “I mean, I don’t know about anyone else, here, but I find gay jokes to be infinitely more hilarious than jokes about loving someone else that don’t have a gay element.”

“You’re gay, of course you prefer gay jokes,” Damien scoffed. “There’s nothing remarkable about that, my dear.”

“Hey! I’m giving you insight into my kind of humor, and you’re just gonna say ‘not that remarkable’ and move on?” Roman asked indignantly. “You’re learning more about me! I thought you would appreciate that!”

“Roman, I’ve known you loved gay jokes since our first time alone when you were out to me,” Damien scoffed. “I’m not learning anything new about you when you say that.”

Roman huffed. “Well, is there anything about me that you want to know that I haven’t told you?”

Damien shrugged. “What’s your sense of humor, beyond puns and gay jokes?”

“Uh...” Roman considered. “I do like some irony, and slapstick in moderation can be funny. But by and large, it’s puns and gay jokes. That, and horribly mispronouncing words.”

“Oh, great,” Damien said. “So I’m getting married to someone whose humor didn’t develop past five years old.”

“Oh come on, you’re telling me that someone saying ‘dick’ instead of ‘deck’ isn’t funny?” Roman asked.

“I...no?” Damien said. “That’s just how some accents work!”

“Well, then, you’re no fun,” Roman said definitively.

“I’m plenty fun!” Damien said petulantly.

“Right,” Roman said sarcastically. “Because you have a sense of humor that’s just ‘too sophisticated’ for me.”

“No,” Damien said. “Because my sense of humor has developed past five years old, our humor won’t always match up, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be inherently fun.”

“I hope the both of you realize that you already sound married,” the King said innocently.

Roman stuck his tongue out at the King and Damien laughed. “That’s bold,” he said. “The last time I tried that I got tickled until I was sobbing.”

“The last time you tried that you were eight years old, and taunting me that I would never make you laugh so hard you’d cry,” the King said simply. “So I proved you wrong.”

“I still say that tickling me was cheating. If you’re getting tickled, you automatically laugh. It’s not genuinely funny,” Damien said sullenly.

“It is to me, who’s just hearing this story for the first time,” Roman said, giggling. “I didn’t realize that you pout so much, Damien.”

“I do not pout,” Damien said, crossing his arms and scowling.

“Well, your emotional responses seem suspiciously similar to a five-year-old’s right now,” Roman said with a shrug. “So between my humor and your emotions, it looks like we make up one whole kindergartener.”

Damien groaned. “I’m not five years old. I’m just tired.”

“Same difference,” Roman said with a shrug.

“I’m inclined to agree,” the King said. “You act the same right now as you did when you were five and exhausted.”

“Father!” Damien exclaimed, growing beet red. “That’s not helpful!”

“Actually, I find it very informative,” Roman said, smirking.

“I hate you all,” Damien grumbled as they walked into the dining room.

Tag List: @lunareclipse-13@sanders-sides-crofters@blushy-gigglee-mess@wannacrymetoo@kaytikitty@magicalspacepanunicorn@bootsinthesun@pricklyfish777@flowersanddinosaurs@leiasolo77@birdybabybird@enby-phoenix@luna--28@justagaygoose@the-prince-and-the-emo@fandomsandanythingelse@randommuffinyt@snekky-boi@thesoftestlittlepuffballwegot@twilight-trix@abby5577@escalatingtoofast@friendlyfacestabbing@remus-is-stinky@foggybanditdreampeanut@ghostskull300@sprinklestheditty@canvas-the-florist@askthesnake@samuel-the-gay@determination-saved@juicy-cashew@demidork84@why-should-i-tell-youu2@nerd-in-space@aphriteblack@loganpatton@lilbeanblr@kittyboof8@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch@sanders-trash-4ever@hamilspntrash@swords-and-kittens@phantomfander@narniasfinestavengingsociopath@rjmeta@ambersky0319@anni-cat-flower@idosanderssidespromptssometimes@nafsbluebery@redisawerewolf23@voidvirgil@msu82@angstyfanfiction

[adhd-hippie]

Why I think Asexuals & Aromantics belong in the LGBTQIA community

1. We don’t have a choice.  Those of us who identify as aspec in one way or another do not choose to feel this way.  

2. We do face discrimination.  I do acknowledge that asexual and aromantic people do not have the same history as gay and trans people nor do we suffer like the intersex community suffers (if you wanna talk fucked up let's talk about the idea that “corrective” surgery aka genital mutilation is still socially acceptable if a person is intersex). 

We are however discriminated against, we avoid some discrimination because, for the most part, we’re able to pass.  Yet passing is not the same as acceptance.  The aspec community is a small community and so we’re largely unseen.  We do however experience discrimination, for example, there are reports of corrective rape from asexuals and even though asexuality has been removed from the DSM-5 it requires self-identification to not be treated.  This means that people who are asexual may be treated for a mental health disorder if they don’t state they’re asexual.  That’s not good, especially considering that many people still don’t know what asexuality is. Not to mention that as a whole aspec people experience things like deterioration of relationships due to our identity, derogatory language, segregation, and bigotry.  

3. We are an attribute to the LGBTQIA community. Our existence is a testament to the complexity of human sexuality and shouldn’t be ignored.  Including aspec people can help foster conversations about attraction and how it is not something that people choose.  Not to mention that more people participating and advocating for equal rights is always a good thing.  Aspec people don’t want to take away from the LGBTQIA community we want to contribute to it.

4. We have always been around, we’re not new. Asexuality has been described historically in lots of ways and by lots of people from Kinsey and his group X, to activists in the 1970′s advocating for it as an accepted label.  Aromanticism is somewhat newer but with the growing asexual visibility the understanding that romantic and sexual attraction can be experienced separately is just being explored.  This doesn’t mean aromantics haven’t been around forever too.  Think of the “confirmed bachelor” or “the spinster”. 

5. Aspec people even if they’re heterosexual or heteroromantic are not straight.  Straight people never have to come out, their sexual/romantic identity is never called into question, their feelings regarding sex and romance are commonly accepted and their identity needs no explanation.  Aspec people don’t experience these privileges that’s why aspec people are not the same as straight people and the two shouldn’t be conflated.  

6. Separate but equal is never equal. There are many people who believe that asexuals and aromantics should just create their own community apart from the LGBT community as they do not share their exact same experiences.  We do have our own resources and are building our own community but we only make up 1% (asexuals) or less (aromantics) of the population and without help, we can’t do the things we need to do. 

Again I fully acknowledge that the aspec community doesn’t experience the same degree of hate as the gay and trans communities but it doesn’t necessarily follow that we don’t need help.  As mentioned before asexuality is still viewed by many as a mental health disorder and without clear self-identification can be treated as such. Basically, If you’re not completely happy with your asexuality you can be treated with therapy and drugs for something that isn’t actually a disorder.  

Aromantics aren’t included in the DSM, but many anecdotal stories from aromantics show that the mental health community misunderstands aromanticism and views it as a disorder.  How are we going to get the DSM to make a proper distinction between asexuality and sexual disorders and prevent aromantics from being treated for mental health issues related to their romantic feelings if there isn’t visibility, advocacy and funding for studies on these identities?  How are 1% of people supposed to do these things on their own? 

_______________________________________________________________

Personally, I don’t want to ever make it out like I’ve had it just as bad as my gay and trans friends.  I haven’t, I know that. I have a trans friend who came out to their mom and is being deadnamed and misgendered DAILY, I have a lesbian friend who isn’t able to kiss their girlfriend at said girlfriend’s home because their girlfriend has to remain closeted for their safety.  I have a friend who’s gay mom was ousted by their original church (luckily they found a new one and went with their church to pride this year) and I know a trans woman who was beaten up just last year for being “a man in a dress.” 

I don’t share these experiences, I never could, but that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling.  I’m in therapy because I don’t have a sense of belonging. I struggle to feel like I belong anywhere and part of that is because I’m aromantic and can’t relate to HUGE portions of modern human culture (love songs, movies with love stories, art, poetry, etc.). I’m not out to my parents because I don’t want to deal with their discrimination. Yes, I’m lucky I can pass but if you think passing isn’t limiting you’d be wrong.  

I’m aromantic, not asexual, and because of my parent's judgment and the fact that I live with them for free going out and having the type of relationships I might be interested in isn’t possible. Furthermore, my identity isn’t understood even when I do come out.  People pity me, think I’m some kind of sad-sack who’s incapable of human emotion, and most worrying of all I’m somewhat concerned that my therapist thinks I need to be treated for my aromanticism. 

We’re all suffering and we’re all struggling to be understood by a largely ignorant majority who just doesn’t get it.  I’m not here to take away from the LGBTQIA community I’m here to help!  I have been fighting for years as an ally to bring to light the suffering of my queer friends.  Now I’m here as a part of that community fighting even harder and even more passionately because the LGBTQIA community aren’t just friends, now they’re family. 

_____________________________________________________________

*I didn’t include agender because I wasn’t sure if I should.  If you’re agender could you please enlighten me, do you see yourself as part of the trans community/identity or not?

Links: 

On asexuality in the DSM 

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/asexuality-in-the-dsm-5/    

On asexuality historically

https://www.jstor.org/stable/25771710?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents 

https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/kinsey-scale.php

Johnson, Myra T. (1977). Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two Invisible Groups. The Sexually Oppressed. Gochros, Harvey L., Gochros, Jean S. New York: Association Press. ISBN 978-0809619153. OCLC 2543043.

On aspec discrimination

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/without-prejudice/201209/prejudice-against-group-x-asexuals

https://acelauren.wordpress.com/2017/02/24/arospecawarenessweek-day-6-amanormativity/

[lemonaderaid]

hufflepuff-rave, abuse, and the missing husband thing: from her ex friend’s point of view

this is about whole “abusive wife”/”missing husband” situation, and what i know about mel (dillon’s abuser and wife) through being her close friend for 5+ years. it’s a long post, so there’s your warning.

here’s another ample content warning for abuse, misgendering, gaslighting, and general...drama? i guess? here we go kiddos!

after this post, particularly with this reblog went pretty viral both on here and on facebook recently, i figured it was my time to step up along with my friend, @jackstoney , and personally come out in support of all of the abuse accusations that have been made against mel, as i was one of her closest friends for 5+ years.

as jack did in his post, i’m simply going to be referring to her as “mel” because i would prefer that she NOT get stalked, harassed, doxxed, etc. as i said, i used to be her friend, and thus i still do have some regard for her and her mom’s personal safety and privacy despite the fact that they’re bad people.

to make my stance on dillon himself quite clear from the outset, i was always fed really varying information about him from mel herself. as exhibited by her blog, if you go and search “dillon” and scroll back a bit far, you’ll see that she has wildly varying, black and white perspectives about him. that’s how it was when we talked, and that’s how she is about seemingly everyone; particularly her ex boyfriends. if you search “brayden” or “jackson” on her blog, you’ll get pretty similar posts. the point is that i don’t know what’s true or false about dillon’s life and personality, i just know the information she’s told me or that i’ve seen on her facebook or tumblr. as i said, we were friends for 5 years, and i knew her before she ever met dillon.

as jack explains pretty sufficiently in his post, which i linked above, mel has a very obsessive, very clingy and overbearing personality, and a high probability of mental illness associated with the drastic lengths she’ll go to to keep someone trapped in really any kind of relationship with her. THIS IS NOT INHERENTLY A BAD THING. i’m not a professional, and i won’t make an armchair diagnosis based on what i know about her, but i will say that she’s never mentioned to me anything about trying to improve and work beyond her numerous issues. (unlike how she is presently trying to pin a schizophrenia diagnosis on dillon after only speaking on the phone to a doctor herself, ONCE.)

i felt this way when i was friends with her, very much so. this sideblog of hers, particularly these three posts (1 , 2 , 3) are about me, and the fact that, while we were friends, i decided to do matching icons with my still-current boyfriend on facebook. this happened on a couple of occasions because we found neat looking icons and, since we were, yknow, partners, we figured it’d be cool to match for a couple weeks. as you can see by the posts i linked, mel didn’t like this. at all

here’s another sideblog of hers that she made for dillon to post about her...let’s just call it unhealthy obsession, as shown pretty well by this particular tag. WARNING: some very nsfw stuff is on here

here are a few texts i have from her to me talking about how, despite having NEVER ONCE spoken to my boyfriend and actively refusing to talk to him even though i said i’d like them to meet, she’s extremely “possessive” of me

little unimportant note: she refers to herself as kyle and me as stan because she was really into south park, and she saw those two characters as having a similar relationship to ours

coming from a person who has bpd (me), this all, to me, rings very familiar and relatable bells in my head. keep in mind i’m not accusing her of having it, but coming from someone who is very overprotective of their friends and datemate(s) (frank and i are poly), this all sounds like the reasoning my brain tries to do with itself when anyone befriends a person who gives me “bad vibes”. the thing is that i don’t actively silence my friends or whoever from talking about a person that makes them happy just because of the fact i don’t know them. this is something she NEVER tried to avoid doing. she was always upfront with me about how much frank unnerved her, despite never meeting them and ignoring their attempts to try and assure her that they weren’t trying to take me away.

the following screenshots are about the decision jack made to break up with her shortly after he’d gone back to california to try and look for a job (his post has more necessary context, but the idea is that he was basically trying to make more efforts to get his life to be stable and not go completely broke, and needed to break up with her seeing as her clinginess made him incredibly worn out).

unfortunately, i don’t have that message i sent to the group chat anymore, and i’m afraid i don’t remember what i said, but i know it was a pretty long message about how her coping methods to get over jack (i.e.; getting back with dillon) wasn’t actually helping her and i could see her mental state going to shit

now would also probably be a good time to mention some of the other things she’s done, but i don’t deem to be as relevant to this particular situation such as purposefully misgendering me (using the wrong pronouns, calling me her “sister”, making and getting me heavily gendered gifts she knew i was uncomfortable with), and frequently trying to make people stop talking about their interests and focus on ONLY hers instead, at all times. i do have screenshots of one particular instance of this, but this post is long enough and i feel that those complaints about her character would detract from the main point

long story short, as i’m sure you all are confidently aware at this point, mel is a horrible, manipulative, abusive, and toxic person and SHOULD be avoided at all costs. though I myself am concerned for dillon’s safety at the moment, as no one’s really quite sure where he is, I think that ultimately he would’ve been more unsafe if he stayed with her, judging by these screenshots of his brother’s comment on mel’s facebook post:

EDIT: i forgot to blur out his brother’s name when i originally posted this, and an anon pointed out to me that i probably should, so i did! please respect dillon’s family’s privacy!

i’m very happy that dillon chose to try and run and escape. i’m concerned for his safety right now but i hope he turns up soon, safe and sound, and away from mel forever.

i’d like to personally apologize to dillon, if he ever ends up reading this post somehow, for being extremely judgmental and distrustful of him because of the information mel was feeding me. i don’t know how much of it is true or untrue, but despite everything, i hope you find peace wherever you choose to go. i’m happy you got out. i’m proud of you, i’m proud of jack, i’m proud of myself, and i’m proud of anyone who chooses to break away from an abuser to start over. it’s hard, but you can fucking do it.

if you ever see this, please feel free to get in touch with me if you need help. i’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot, if you even knew very much about my existence to begin with; but i sincerely hope you’re doing alright now. -bre

oh yeah, and to mel,

fuck you.

in closing, i’m gonna leave you with the final message i sent to mel to cut off our friendship, cuz i feel like it might end up helping someone going through a hard time with their abuser? idk, but i can always hope. here it is

[ilovemygaydad]

No One [part 2]

from the friends in dark places au

pairing: pining logince, mentions of past toxic roman/oc

WARNINGS: crying, anxiety, alcohol usage, people get drunk, making out, kissing, PTSD, coming out, internalized transphobia, swearing, and mentions of: non-consentual sex, sexual assault, date rape drugs, drug usage, implied underage sex, blackmail (in the form of cp), transphobia, transphobic slurs, forced coming out, misgendering, food mentions, rebellious behavior, insensitive comments, physical assault, and possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy

a/n: jsyk, it’s totally okay to ask for a modified chapter if you need it or if i need to add tags! i get it, and it’s no problem for me to quick edit a chapter or whatever :) also, feel free to send requests or questions that you have!

a/n 2: hey so this story is super dark and shitty, so please read with caution! i’m happy to summarize for anyone who needs it!!!

first of main plot - companions

part one of no one

consider buying me a coffee (please)

-

September 23, 2015

Roman shut his locker door, clicking the lock closed, and turned to walk to his first block class. He only made it a few feet before someone called his name.

“Roman! Hey, wait up!” He turned and found Audrey, the student council president, running towards him. She handed him a small card and smiled. “You’re invited to my homecoming after-party. I hope you’ll be there.” With a wink, she was gone.

As much as Roman feigned popularity, he never actually got invited to parties. But he was excited! Other than cast parties, it would be his first high school party, for goodness sake! His eyes scanned the invitation and immediately saw “One additional person allowed with each guest.” Roman weaved through the hallway--his short stature payed off for once--and made his way to Logan’s first class.

“Lo! I got invited to a party!” Ro whisper yelled to Logan. The other teen, who was engrossed in a book, nodded.

“That’s wonderful, Roman. And why are you telling me about this?”

Roman groaned and snatched the book from his friend. “Because I want you to come with me!”

Logan looked up at his, quirking his eyebrow. “You want me to accompany you to a party? Are you serious? Roman, you know that it isn’t nice to play practical jokes on your friends.”

“Of course I’m serious!” Roman sighed in exasperation. “I know it’s not really your thing, but Patton’s busy on Homecoming night, and I don’t want to go alone! Pleaaaaassseeeeeeeeeeee?” The one thing that could truly get Logan to bend was Roman’s whining voice. Well, that and when Roman climbed on Logan’s 5’11” frame with monkey-like skills.

“Fine. Just stop that incessant noise making! I’m assuming that normal curfew applies and that we’re going to need a ride?” Logan put his space bookmark in his book—Alice in Wonderland; go figure—and put his full attention on his friend.

“Yeah. Would your mom be okay with it?” Roman bounced excitedly on the balls of his feet. He really wanted to go to this party.

“I’ll ask when I get home.” The two minute warning bell rang, and Logan gestured to the door. “You might want to leave now, Roman. Word History is rather far away.”

---

October 3, 2015

The whole inviting-Logan-to-the-party thing definitely hadn’t been an excuse to spend a whole day with him. Of course not. That would be a ridiculous idea…

Logan ended up wearing a black button up, black slacks, and a light blue tie. It was hardly different from his everyday wear, but it was slightly more snazzy. Roman wore a white button up and a red tie, which he claimed was what a prince would wear, and he’d dusted some pretty white highlighter on his cheekbones. It was subtle enough to pass as natural, but enhanced his features just enough to make Roman excited.

At six pm exactly, the two teens made their way down the stairs, met with an eager Mrs. Patrick. “You boys just look so nice! Oh, I’m so proud of you, Roman! You’ve come so far!”

Roman laughed nervously at her nearly outing him, but gave his mother a big hug. “Yeah, Mom. I have.” He chose to ignore the way that his binder felt so tight around his chest.

For most of the Homecoming dance, Roman danced with assorted friends from Drama, occasionally dragging Logan into the fray. As soon as the dance ended, Roman changed into some more casual clothes for the party (Logan had refused to bring any extras for himself), and they waited for Mrs. Christiansen to pick them up.

Logan’s mom made sure to outline what the plan was. They’d be dropped off at the party at 10:30, have three hours to do whatever it is that kids do at parties as long as it’s legal, and then they’d be picked up between 1:30 and 2:00. Which, honestly, was far more time than Roman had thought that they would get. Mrs. Christiansen, being a doctor, was always worrying about Logan becoming one of the horrific ER cases of teenagers in drunk driving accidents.

Once they’d arrived, Roman practically threw himself out of the car. His sneakers hit the sidewalk with a quiet thump, and Logan’s clacking shoes followed suit. They made their way to the door and knocked. A wave of sound hit them as soon as the door opened. Booming bass and piercing treble accosted their ears, and suddenly Roman was glad he had brought ear plugs for himself and Logan.

“Roman!” Audrey slurred, clearly already drunk. “And your sexy friend. Glad you two could make it.”

“Yeah…” Roman hesitated. They stood awkwardly for a moment before Audrey finally moved out of the way to make room for them to squeeze their way in. Logan dodged some sort of groping motion from Audrey, looking for safety in Roman. They might have gotten themselves a tad bit in over their heads.

The duo sat on the stairs for a few minutes before Roman heard a song he enjoyed, jumping into the pool of dancing bodies. Logan sighed, tapping at his phone absently. He had expected something like this to happen, but he didn’t want to leave Roman alone at a party. He didn’t trust people like Patton did.

Roman, on the other hand, grabbed a cup from a table of snacks and drank. The drink stung as it went down, but it settled nicely and gave him a bit of warmth on the frigid October night. He had no idea what he was drinking, but he continued to down the entire cup within the next five minutes.

---

Less than an hour later, Roman’s head felt completely clear as he stumbled through the crowd. Logan observed his friend drunkenly flirting with a lamp, which was quite funny, but it worried him slightly. He hadn’t even seen Roman drinking, and he was supposed to be protecting Roman. Logan sighed and looked back at his phone. Roman would be fine. He always was.

Roman sat in an armchair at the corner of the living room. He was happy and free and everything just felt right.

A boy that he didn’t recognize approached him, shouting over the loud music, “You look really great tonight!”

“Thanks!” Roman shouted back, ignoring the light blush dusting his cheeks. “What’s your name?”

“Cal! And you are?”

“Roman!”

“Well, Roman,” Cal started with a charming smile. “Would you like to dance with me?”

Roman nodded, and suddenly, they were dancing. He could feel the heat from Cal’s body radiating through his thin t-shirt. At any other time, Ro would be afraid of what other people were thinking, but everyone at the party was drunk out of their minds. Not a single person would pay mind to the gay kid dancing with a random guy at a party.

At some point, Roman had been led back to the chair he’d been sitting in just a bit ago. He felt his back press against the wall, and he glanced up to see Cal gazing hungrily at him. He should have felt fear; he knew that look isn’t anything good, but he didn’t care. Roman threw all his worries behind him as he reached up and kissed Cal.

---

Logan nearly had dozed off on the stairs when he saw a flash of red cross the room. He focused in on the smudge of color and saw Roman being led to a secluded corner of the room by a stranger. Logan jumped up; his protective instincts were kicking in. He’d been so stupid to think that Roman could handle himself while drunk. He knew the effects that alcohol could have on people, and he should have intervened when he saw Roman flirting with a fucking lamp!

Weaving his way through the mass of people, Logan mumbled quick apologies to the couples “dancing” and pushed forward. Finally, he reached where Roman was, but the sight Logan saw froze him in place.

Roman’s hands were casually slung around the stranger’s neck, and the two were making out with passion. The stranger's hands snaked their way up Roman’s shirt, touching the skin of his lower back. The stranger made a move to go in the direction of the stairs, and that’s what finally forced Logan out of his trance.

Anger, worry, and another mystery feeling bubbled up in Logan’s chest. He pushed the stranger away and took Roman by the hand, dragging his small friend up the stairs and into the first bathroom that he could find. He guided Roman in, turning to lock the door behind them, before facing his friend, who was now sitting cross legged on the floor and playing with the hem of his pants.

“Roman, what were you thinking? You don’t even know that guy! He could—and probably did—have malicious intent!” Logan scolded worriedly, kneeling down before Roman. He took his friend into his arms and nearly squeezed the life out of him.

Roman spoke up as soon as Logan let go. “I wasn’t thinking… I was just so caught up in the fact that someone liked me. It was stupid.” Tears began to trail down Ro’s face, staining his delicate features with a harsh, wet glare. “You’re just so good to me, Logan! And I’ve done nothing but hurt you! I’m a terrible friend.” Roman was practically wailing, throwing his head into his hands.

“What? Roman, that’s not—“

“I’ve been lying to you—and Pat, for fuck’s sake—since we met. I just didn’t want to lose you like I lost everyone else! I’m just… I’m a girl.” Logan stayed completely silent, not wanting to interrupt whatever his friend was saying. Ro shook his head and corrected himself. “No, that’s not right. I was born a girl.”

After processing the information for a few moments, Logan spoke. “You’re transgender, then?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m trans. I started transitioning just before I moved to Westview. The kids at my school bullied me for ‘pretending’ to be a boy, and it just got to be too much for me to handle. We moved here, and I had a completely fresh start. I didn’t have to tell anyone that I was a boy now, just that I was a boy.”

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

“I didn’t want to lose you two, or worse… Or…” Roman’s words broke into a sob, and Logan reached to grab Ro’s hand as reassurance. “Just before freshman year, one of the boys at my summer camp sexually assaulted me.” Logan opened his mouth, but he was cut off immediately. “I know that you know, but you don’t know the full story. I always knew who assaulted me, but I lied and told the counselors and the police that I had no idea who it could be. They gave up looking after a while. The boy who assaulted me found out I was trans after the first time, and he blackmailed me with it. He used it to make me feign his innocence and to… He made me have sex with him throughout the rest of the summer. I never wanted to, but I'd convinced myself that it was for the best. I didn’t want to have to deal with the rejection of everyone finding out I was trans. He is the prime example of what I didn’t want to happen, and it solidified my case for not telling you guys.

“I look at my body in the mirror and want to throw up because I remember all the terrible things I’ve done. I hate myself.”

Logan wiped at the tears running down his face. He had never even imagined all the pain that Roman had gone through; it had all been hidden so well. He could have been here for Roman, helping him through his emotional struggles, yet he had been completely useless. And it was made even worse with the knowledge that Roman wouldn’t be saying any of this except for the fact that he was drunk.

“Roman, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry that you had to live through all of that. I’m an idiot for not seeing the signs,” Lo whispered, tracing circles in the back of Roman’s hand with his thumb.

“I hid it well. I don’t have all those acting awards for nothing, Lo.” Roman’s laugh echoed in the tiled space. It was a ruse, for sure, and it cracked down like the ceramic in the shower. Ro finally let all of his emotions out, ones that he’d kept in for years and years. The two friends embraced once more until Roman’s sobs ceased, and he was gently sleeping on Logan’s shoulder.

Logan pulled out his phone. Shit. His mom had been waiting for nearly ten minutes. He shot her a quick text, and scooped Roman up into his arms. He quickly and carefully made his way down the stairs and through the mob of people, quickly grabbing his and Roman’s jackets before running outside. His mom was, thankfully, parked right outside, and he easily was able to dump Roman in the back seat and slide in next to him.

Mrs. Christiansen gave Logan a worried look. “Don’t worry, Mom. Ro just had a panic attack, and he fell asleep due to emotional exhaustion. He’ll be fine by morning.” She gave up trying to find out more and drove them back to the safety of the Christiansen household.

---

May, 2017 [sometime in the weeks following prom]

“Roman, you’ve been putting it off for weeks now. Virgil isn’t going to make fun of you for being trans,” Logan coaxed, pushing his boyfriend toward Patton’s house. “And if he does, I’ll personally kick his ass.”

“I just don’t want to risk it, babe. What if he doesn’t say anything but he gives me The Look? What do I do then? This could ruin his and Patton’s relationship, and he’s finally found someone that he’s happy with! I don’t want to do that to him, Lo!” Roman pleaded, trying to turn back towards the car.

But Logan had already thought this through. The front door swung open, and Virgil stepped into the warm spring air. “You wanted to tell me something, Knight in Shining Converse?”

Roman froze, slowly turning to face the emo disaster on the front stoop. “Uh… Yeah?”

“What’s up?” Virgil asked calmly, noticing the tension built up in Roman and acting accordingly.

“I’m, uh… transgender… So, like, I was born a girl, and now I’m a boy.” Roman stuttered his way through the explanation, knowing that it was probably unnecessary, but not really able to get out of it.

“Cool. Is that all you guys wanted? Cause Patton and I are watching Big Hero 6, and I kinda want to get back to it. You guys are welcome to join us, too.” Virgil sounded a bit ticked off, but it was pretty obvious that he just wanted to watch his movie.

Roman smiled gently. “That would be fantastic.”