#not to bring my personal religious experiences on main. or whatever.

[merevide]

i am so absurdly anxious that it’s kinda funny. girl what to you mean you think god is watching you and can read every thought you have and is negatively judging you to the point where you can feel it in your head so you feel perverted and restricted and wrong in your body just for having thoughts.lol

[lieslab]

hey I'm so sorry about asking about the siren fic. I had no idea and I'm so sorry about the situation. I didn't mean to try to make you feel guilty. what are you gonna pursue in college? is it writing?

Please don't worry!! Life happens sometimes and as much as I love writing, unfortunately, I will always put my real life above this. This is my form of escapism to cope with it all, but I still have responsibilities outside of fanfic writing. The situation is getting better and that's all that matters.

I really really wanted to pursue a degree in creative writing, but the more I thought about it, writing is a really difficult thing. The industry is pretty tough and you can't publish a book overnight. I'd love to be a famous author that goes on adventures and lives and breathes writing, but as of right now, that's not a sustainable dream. At least, not yet. Sure, I could do other forms of writing, but they wouldn't bring me the same amount of joy.

When I first started this page, my main goal was to help people and it still is. Just as my writing is an escape for me, I hope it can be an escape for you too. I've always had too much empathy and a soft spot for people.

Inserting a trigger warning here for a lot of mental health issues, suicide, and self-harm. I think this is the most open and most vulnerable I've ever been on this page. This is just a backstory ramble, so you can ignore the rest <3

Growing up, I faced a really tough challenge and got a heavy dose of reality, at the ripe age of fourteen, involving the criminal justice system. I missed a bunch of school for being suicidal, depressed, prone to panic attacks, struggling through a messy divorce of my extremely strict religious parents, and during that time, I felt like a zombie. I was numb and in such desperate need of help mentally. Instead of providing assistance, I was mandated nine months of probation due to truancy.

For one month, they took away everything. I wasn't allowed on social media. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends. I couldn't call or text anyone. I couldn't email anyone. I had to be inside my house every night by a certain time. During that time, I ended up being homeschooled, so I was entirely alone besides my immediate family. For thirty days, I felt nothing, but an agonizing sadness. It felt as if everyone, including the people who were supposed to care the most, abandoned me.

It was easily one of the worst experiences of my life. I never want anyone to ever feel like that, especially not kids. I was a child going through a terrible life-altering event and nobody seemed to care. I can't even describe how much that destroys a person. To feel so abandoned that you just give up on everyone and everything.

I've decided to go into the criminal justice field and I want to help people. Truly help them. I think I'd really like to be involved with victim advocacy. Whatever I do, I want to help people. It'd be better if I was doing something with kids. Kids are so impressionable and they need people who believe in them. I needed someone to believe in me.

I needed validation. I needed someone to sit down and say hey you're having really awful feelings, but that's okay. I needed a parent to care. I needed a teacher to care. I needed a member of the school's higher staff to care, or a member of the court, or my probation officer, but...that never happened. I was just another court case. Just another "bad kid" who skipped school.

It sucked away my self-confidence. It destroyed all my hobbies. I was in a tornado of sadness for years. I was so sad and so miserable and so desperate for an adult to care, but the world kept spinning day after day after day, and all that was left behind was tear streaks and a broken heart.

I taught myself to suck up my depression and the panic attacks because it seemed like nobody cared. The eating disorders and the self-harm. Most of the things I write about, it all comes from first-hand experience. I became amazing at pretending like I was mentally sound and then I'd break down.

Thinking about it now as an adult, it enrages me. I'm so angry that nobody cared. There's a piece of me that's still bitter because I was a minor. Why didn't anyone step in and search for the root of the problem? Why didn't people look at the situation and put the pieces together? It was so obvious I was a mental wreck and nobody seemed to care.

I think there's a lot wrong with the court systems and I could ramble endlessly about how much I dislike America's prison systems and how we should be better. I will save that because I'm very passionate about a lot of things now and so strong-willed, some people think it's an actual issue.

There's so much we could do to improve the lives of people here and we just don't. It's depressing and I think we need more good people in powerful places. The world needs more love and more kindness. More understanding, more empathy, but also the power to create healthy boundaries.

When I look at my life and everything I could do, everyone I could be, I don't want to sit back and do nothing. I want to have goals and accomplish things. I've had to rebuild my entire existence and beliefs from the wreckage of mental illness. I want to stop war and help the homeless. I want to take in every stray animal and give it to a family who will give them the best life until their last breath.

I want to snatch every child from neglect and abuse. I want to hug everyone that's ever been broken. Hold the hands of the people who need it most and just listen to them as they ramble about it all.

I'm tired of sitting back. I'm tired of being a bystander in my life. I want to help people more. I want to do more. I want to be more. There is so much love inside of me. I could get hurt a thousand times and it will not seal off the love and empathy seeping out through my pores.

There is so much to do, so much to see, so much to learn. New stories to be written. More people to connect with. Growth to gain. More flowers will bloom. The earth keeps spinning and when my final breath comes, I want to slip into the next life knowing that I helped. I existed. I'm alive. I lived. I was here. I made my mark. I tried my best.

And would I do it all again? In a heartbeat. There is no growth without hurt. There is no victory without pain. There is no life without love.

[tobiasdrake]

Ranking Octopath Traveler 2 Characters on the Bestie Scale

I've been ruminating on this one. I didn't do a Fight Me Bruh for Octopath 2 because these are all powerful RPG characters so obviously I lose instantly to every single one of them and I didn't do a Bestie for Rain Code because I felt like half of the characters would just be regurgitating what I'd already expressed vividly about them and the other half would just be me going "Yo, that's a fascist," over and over.

But finally, here it is. I'm ranking the Octopath Traveler 2 cast from Most to Least Bestie.

Agnea Bristarni This should come as no surprise to anyone who was with me through my playthrough of Octopath 2. Agnea was my main character and that was a decision I did not regret for a second. She's vibrant, unapologetically kind, and wants good things for people - and entirely willing to do whatever it takes to get those good things. Beware the nice ones.

In a game where the villain's core philosophy is "Having to live is agony, and escaping that fate is a mercy," Agnea is the antithesis of their entire belief system. She fully, thoroughly enjoys life and tries to instill that same enjoyment in everyone she meets. She's a walking celebration of the sheer beauty and magnificence of existing in the world.

Top-tier bestie, bar none.

Ochette How can you not get along with Ochette? She's a happy-go-lucky child that brings you meat. Apart from her inability to comprehend complex societal issues (a product of her youth and inexperience), there is nothing wrong with her.

And even then, there are worse character flaws to have than "Maybe too forgiving." That's the kind of thing you write in the "greatest weakness" section of a job application to puff yourself up.

Temenos Mistral Gonna be honest, I was not expecting to like this guy when we first met him. I'm not very religious and he's literally an Inquisitor. That title is a red flag all on its own.

But as we got to know him, the relationship Temenos has with faith hit me very deeply. I was going to say "his" faith but in a sense, it isn't. Not really. Temenos works for the Sacred Flame church but he refuses to internalize their dogma, insisting that even the heavens themselves are not above scrutiny.

For as standoffish and full of himself as he is, Temenos is a lonely guy. It's hard not to be when you're a high-ranking church employee whose system of belief borders on heresy. But he values his friendships far more than he's willing to admit, and he and I see eye to eye far more than I anticipated.

Throné Anguis Throné deserves friends. She's had to live a hard life for so long that she's barely even had the opportunity to figure out who she even wants to be in this world. Where other characters stories are all about expressing who they fundamentally are as a person, Throné's story ends with her attaining, for the first time in her life, the ability to go off somewhere and do the same.

We don't really know who Throné is because by the time the final credits roll, she hasn't had a chance to live yet. She's hatching from her chrysalis when we leave her.

What she needs right now are good friends who will give her space to find herself without pressure and maybe help her discover new things along the way. And also help her avoid the myriad social cults looking for isolated and naive people that they can scoop up and indoctrinate. Though she does already have some experience with that.

Hikari Ku Okay, I'm going to need to qualify the fuck out of this placement because Hikari is the nicest and sweetest guy ever. So I need to clarify that I think Hikari and I would get along fine. I have absolutely no beef with him as a person. I just don't think we would hang out very much, or have much to talk about when we did.

First, because of the logistics of the thing. Hikari is the fucking king of a nation. A nation in chaos following civil war, violent upheaval, and a complete cultural overhaul from imperialistic ways that have served their country for decades. This man is going to be intensely busy for the rest of his life. When he's not fending off assassination attempts by people dissatisfied with the sweeping changes he's trying to introduce.

But also because, for all his strong moral fiber and rigid integrity, he's not very fun to be around. His personality begins and ends at his duty to his people. His Crossed Paths events with Agnea demonstrate this well; He's a good man with a good heart and strong convictions, but a boring date.

Castti Florenz Castti's in a similar boat to Hikari. She's very nice. She has good ideas and good beliefs. But she works herself to death so much that I doubt we'd ever see each other outside of official apothecary work. She also travels a lot as part of her profession, so more often then not she wouldn't even be in the same part of the country as me.

I would love to have Castti as my doctor. She's motivated, compassionate, and eager to take on whatever is ailing you. But unless I signed on with Eir's Apothecaries myself, it would be logistically difficult to even become her friend in the first place.

But if I pulled it off, I think Castti would be a nice friend to have, but perhaps an overbearing one. Castti tends to take on a maternal quality in her relationships with others. She's not a member of the group; She's Team Mom. That's nice of her, but I've been a grown-ass man for a while now. That's not what I'm looking for in a friendship.

Partitio Yellowil It's hard not to love Partitio. He's a well-meaning guy with strong values that I agree with: That poverty is a terrible evil, and we should work to eradicate it. Unfortunately, he's a bit naive insofar as his ability to recognize capitalism's complicity in that evil. He sees commerce as the cure for poverty, which is. Like. Oh, you dear, sweet, naive soul.

He's got one foot in the door of recognizing the value of socializing vital programs. He supports labor rights and has even led collective action himself. The main thrust of his conflict with the Roque was over Roque wanting to privatize the steam engine versus Partitio wanting to share it for collective good. Like. He's right on the cusp of getting it a lot of the time.

His willingness to forgive is nice. His eagerness to put the people who created the problems back into power because "As long as they report up to me, it will be fine!" is incredibly foolish. I think Partitio is a good guy who means well and I wish I could place him higher, but I also think we would wind up bickering pretty heavily over economics any time we hung out.

For most people, a disagreement over politics isn't necessarily a dealbreaker. But Partitio's economic philosophy is more or less his entire personality so if we don't see eye to eye on it then we're going to get into fights. I love the guy, I just would have a hard time being around him for an extended period of time.

Osvald V. Vanstein I didn't like Osvald's story more or less from the moment I started it. "Hard man embarks on revenge quest because his woman/women were murdered" is a story that I'm just so over. Osvald the Story was bland for me. But Osvald the Character was. Like. He's fine. Serviceable in the role of Vengeful Hard Man, sure.

But then I got to the end of it. Where he's reunited with his daughter and discovers that his love for her is, in fact, the greatest magic in the world. And then, high on this revelation, he promptly dumps her on the nearest female-shaped person so he can go do anything else but raise his child.

That left me cold. Even if Elena doesn't remember him because Magic, he has a responsibility to her. Instead, he pawns her off on his research assistant without even asking the poor kid what she wants. The man she thought was her father tried to sacrifice her for magic, her true father rescued and defended her, and then he's out of her life before she even knows what happened.

Osvald is a neglectful workaholic who abandoned his child moments after reclaiming ownership of her. Everyone in my household has parental issues. He would not be welcome here.

[circular-bircular]

hey, so looking for advice/thoughts:

I’ve been aware of the existence of CDDs for about four years now, and have on-and-off wondered if I have one but have always kinda just dismissed it. but now I’m thinking about it again, and I was hoping to get a more objective perspective from someone who knows a decent amount about CDDs

so, my big “red-flag symptoms”:

I experience a good bit of day-to-day amnesia (where I put things, what I spent my time doing, etc.) and I often have to walk myself through what logically must have happened. I also forget people and events very easily, especially if there’s any stress related to them. but I’ve always thought (and been told) that this was a combination of my anxiety disorders and ADHD

I frequently get highly dissociated/detached from myself and/or where I am, sometimes to the point that I feel like I’m just doing things on autopilot/without meaning to or think about it. but again, I’ve always considered that to be just anxiety and also a part of my BPD

I have childhood trauma, from multiple sources both within and out of my family, but I can’t remember any details (i.e. I know what it would be considered (parental alcoholism, emotional and verbal abuse, religious abuse, +more) but I don’t actually know what happened)

I have constant identity uncertainty/instability, but that’s also one of the main symptoms of BPD. I’m not fully certain on if I experience identity intrusions/alterations, but I think I do; I’m just not sure on where the line is between BPD and a CDD with that. and various people over the course of my life have commented on apparently irregular/inconsistent behavior, but again, this could easily just be part of my BPD

I 100% understand that you’re not an expert, and I’m definitely not asking for an armchair diagnosis, but in your view, should I be concerned about a potential CDD, or do my current diagnoses (BPD, ADHD, (C)PTSD, multiple anxiety disorders, +some other stuff I don’t think is relevant) explain my symptoms sufficiently??

hope you’re doing well, and thanks for at least reading all that <3

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. Preface, I'm not a professional, can only speak to my experiences, etc etc so on and so forth.

To be honest with you anon... I don't know.

If you find labeling yourself to be a system helpful, you can go for it, but I genuinely don't know if you would be one or not! This is absolutely one of those situations where there's plenty of explanations for what's happening, and not seeing your life in full, I wouldn't be able to tell you if what you're describing is Me or Just Someone with a Lot of Shit Going On. That's sort of the case on a lot of these types of anons.

I suggest bringing this up with a trusted professional, and maybe looking into some of the methods of self-help for CDD systems. Compare that to what you're doing now. At the end of the day, use whatever model helps you the most to function in your daily life as the best person you can be -- and that's what I'd suggest using.

[commaclear]

Cw for sensitive topics I think

I’m from ur disc server and i just am kinda concerned abt some of the things ppl talk abt. I’m not rlly all that active but i do lurk and there’s a lot of times i come look to see what’s up and there’s someone practically venting in a main channel. Sometimes it’s not just one person but instead two and it ends up creating a convo with sensitive topics and encouraging bad things

I’m not talking abt the trauma jokes or sex jokes bc if it’s relevant and lighthearted then it’s not harming anyone. But opening the chat to one person ranting about their experience with religious trauma and homophobia is just really awkward. Like it’s not even triggering for me it’s just awkward

I understand that ppl sometimes need a place to get out whatever’s going on in their life but a fanfiction discord server’s main chat really isn’t the place

The other issue with these ppl is that from what I’ve seen and from what I can tell their on the younger side. And when they reply to each other it’s really easy for them to start encouraging very unsafe things. While it’s okay to reply to someone having a tough time, supporting the dangerous shit they claim they do is not it

In these rants I’ve seen ppl mention things like religion, homophobia, self harm, suicide, racism, substance use, abuse, and probably other things too. None of which contained any warning and was just thrown in there with no regard to others. While I’m not much of a cw type of guy, they are important if ppl are just gonna throw around shit like that. There’s been times where things they’ve been talking about are genuinely concerning or remind me of shit I would prefer to not think about. A little bit of a forewarning would’ve been nice

I’m aware that my triggers are my responsibility but I feel like these vents and trauma dumps should be these people’s responsibilities too. Ppl in the server didn’t sign up to read about someone’s trauma. They signed up to talk with ppl who happened to enjoy the same fanfics as them

In the end I am not at all trying to get ppl in trouble or offend ppl I just feel like this is an issue that’s increased recently. I’m not sure what a solution would be or if there is one. Maybe a venting channel to keep this type of stuff out of main channels? Although I figure there isn’t one for a reason

Sorry to bother you with this stuff. I’m sure I’m making a big deal out of nothing and you don’t have to reply to this if you don’t want to. I love your works a lot and you seem like a nice person and ty for reading this I appreciate it lol

Not much to say to that other than yeah, you're right. I seriously do appreciate you bringing this up because I want my discord to be a safe place for everyone. I just made a channel for venting, and I'll talk to them in private if it keeps happening

[90363462]

12 Things To Do During Oral Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty

Shellie R. WarrenFeb. 04, 2022 08:36AM EST

It's my personal opinion that oral sex doesn't get discussed nearly enough. And that's pretty much my starting and finishing reason for why I'm writing this. C'mon. It's not like most of us don't indulge or engage and yet, when it comes to finding ways to make the experience more enjoyable (because a mouth simply being on another's genitalia is a really low bar), we don't seem to do as much research as we should.

It's no secret that more women climax from cunnilingus than intercourse itself (I'll expound in a moment). And it's definitely no newsflash that fellatio tends to put huge smiles on most men's faces. Still, there's nothing like going from good to great in your oral sex game, right? Something tells me that if you incorporate the following 12 tips, that is exactly what will happen.

1. Treat It Like an “Appetizer.” Not the “Meal.”

Let's start with where our, umm, heads should be about oral sex—whether we're giving or receiving. For starters, if it's gonna be grand, it'll be both. Anyway, while I do know some people who tend to take a hard pass on oral sex for a variety of reasons (by the way, religious married folks should check out Proverbs 5:15) and I certainly say to each their own, gone should be the stigma that there is anything "wrong" or "nasty" about doing it. Besides, 75 percent of women aren't able to have a vaginal orgasm. Oh, but do you know how they can climax? Some good old-fashioned cunnilingus! The main reason is that there is so much direct clitoral stimulation during the act.

Speaking of the stigma and the "ick attitude" that so many still seem to have about oral activity, that's a part of the reason why I think that cunnilingus and fellatio should be seen as appetizers (foreplay) more than the actual meal (intercourse). Think about it. How big of a deal is kissing? Especially in an intimate relationship, it's basically a given, right? Well, oral sex is a form of kissing...kissing genitalia, that is. And when you look at it from the perspective of stimulating your partner and building up excitement for what is to come, that can take a lot of pressure off of doing it. The acts can relax you, significantly so, as you're heading into intercourse. Appetizers are dope. They get the palate ready and prepare us to sit back and enjoy our meal. I think oral sex should be seen in a very similar fashion. How about you?

2. Shower Beforehand. Possibly Together.

I'll tell y'all what, if there's one thing that 2020 did, it got me super up close and personal with streaming apps. Not the ones you've gotta pay for (some of y'all have so many of those that you might as well have cable, chile)—the free ones. One of them being Tubi. Anyway, a series on there that I started watching not too long ago isSecret Diary of a Call Girl. It's…interesting. At times. Anyway, I'm bringing that up for this piece because Belle (the call girl) tends to give tips throughout each episode. One of her first was this—make sure that your partner showers from the moment he steps in your door.

I promise y'all that when I see movies or television shows where folks are all sweaty or are even just coming in from work and oral sex is simulated, I semi wanna gag just like an 80s valley girl. No, no…NO. Oral sex is so much more pleasant when you know that everything is super clean and fresh down there. You can even up the excitement by taking a showertogether. Whatever you do, just make sure that hygiene is a top priority. For everyone's sake. And pleasure.

3. Create the Ambiance

Whether you adore oral sex (giving and receiving), you low-key loathe it or you merely tolerate it, the overall experience is going to be so much better—and far less awkward—if the atmosphere is sexy. Use candlelight or colored LED light bulbs. Turn on some slow R&B music. Dress sexy. Bring a few pillows into the mix (when you're "propped up", oral sex can be so much more comfortable). Hit a few other erogenous zones. Maybe give each other a massage (with hands and/or with tongues).

Sometimes oral sex can feel stressful at first, usually because we're rushing into it way too fast. Slow down. Set the mood. Enjoy each other. You've got time. If you're doing it right, you do, anyway.

4. Mutually Discuss What’s Desired. Each Time.

If you don't get anything else out of this, please hold on to this one particular point. Sometimes, we can be in a mood to receive oral sex in a different way than we did the time before. We might want more pressure applied or less. We might prefer it to be wetter or less wet. Sometimes 69 sounds like a good idea while other times, it's the absolute last thing that we want to attempt. But if we don't discuss all of this with our partner and instead, we put the expectation on them to be able to read our minds, that can make us frustrated with them—and ultimately, the act itself.

No one is saying that you have to present a—pardon the pun—full-on oral presentation about what you expect all of the time. I'm just saying that whispering in his ear what you are in the mood for (followed by asking him what he would like) can never hurt. It can only help, actually.

5. Incorporate a Favorite Flavor

I know all of us have heard that if you and your partner drink pineapple juice, everything will be right with the (oral sex) world, but that's not a complete truth. What is a fact is your diet plays somewhat of a role in how your natural lubrication as well as your partner's semen taste. This means that if pineapple juice is a part of your daily diet, it can knock some of the acidity out of both of your fluids, making them an itty bit sweeter. But if you're looking for everything to taste like a piña colada, you're only setting yourself up for failure. No food can do that.

The flip to this is if you bring a favorite sweet condiment into the mix, that can make you less—what would the word be—apprehensive, about diving in, head first (with the pun totally intended). Chocolate syrup, honey, whipped cream, frosting, flavored lubricant—all of these can be super seductive and a delicious distraction, if you happen to like the act but you'd prefer to avoid the taste of the "natural flow of things" as much as possible.

6. Use Some Ice Cubes

Here's the sexual version of IcyHot (LOL). While you may have never thought about "pulling a Mookie" in the bedroom (the real ones know what I'm referring to), it's something that you definitely should take into some serious consideration when it comes to oral sex. For you, the person on the giving end, it can help to produce a lot more wetness which can take off the pressure to produce more saliva. Then, when it comes time to receive, the combination of hotness (from your partner's mouth) and cold (from the ice) can actually stimulate you in a way that nothing else can. It doesn't have to be plain ice either. Popsicles or some Buko Ice Candy (a Filipino kind of icy treat; there's an easy-to-make recipe here) can easily be added to the mix too.

7. Perfect the “Build-Up”

One time, while in a session with a married couple, surprisingly, they both had the same complaint when it came to giving oral sex. It wasn't that they didn't like doing it so much as they felt like their partner took FOR-E-VER to orgasm. When I did a bit of deeper digging, I realized that, when it came to the act, there really isn't any wooing or seducing that was transpiring. They both would just take off their clothes and start. Not only is that not very sexy but this approach means that you have to not only "warm your partner up" with your mouth but then keep going until completion (because most of us go until completion…right?).

That's why I'm all about folks learning how to perfect the build-up. All I mean by that is there should be all about lots of kissing and caressing before oral sex begins. Shoot, even once they get to the genital region, there should be some seductive teasing by kissing/licking the hips and/or inner thighs. Again, if everyone slows down and relishes in the anticipation, by the time the act itself goes down, climaxing shouldn't be too difficult and definitely shouldn't take three television programs long. Not at all.

8. Switch Up Positions

I don't know what makes people think that oral sex always has to consist of being in some variation of the missionary position. It. Does. Not. If you'd like a little bit of a breakdown on how certain positions can prove to be most beneficial, a few years back, we published "6 Oral Sex Positions That'll Elevate You Even When You're On Your Knees." I also like the his-and-her positions that the site Your Tango took on. You can check it out here. Sometimes, just a change in angles can make all the difference in the world.

9. Yawn. Kinda.

Not all penises are created equal (check out "Sex Hacks For Different Kinds Of Penises (You Heard Me Right)"). That's a good thing. That said if you happen to have a partner who has the kind of penis where you find yourself repeatedly experiencing a gag reflex, try fake yawning during fellatio. This simple hack will help your throat to open up and your tongue to flatten, so that it's easier to…take everything all in.

10. Bring in Some Lubricant

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we simply can't produce enough saliva or we need some help to keep our hands from causing the oral sex version of rug burn on our partner. Something that can help both of these things from being an issue is lubrication. A recipe that you might want to try consists of coconut oil and margarita flavoring. Now please keep in mind that since oil-based lubes can actually semi-melt latex condoms, this should be used when it comes to oral activity only (and after being STD-cleared because you can get one from oral too). Still, if you're looking for a way to bring more "slip" into your second or third round, an easy and tasty recipe is right here.

11. “Seesaw It” All

There are some partners who've told me that the way oral sex happens for them is extremely compartmentalized. They do that—and then they have intercourse. There is no overlapping. What in the world? Do you know how hot it is to seesaw it? What I mean by that is to go five minutes with oral, have intercourse to the point of edging, and then go back to giving—or receiving? Whew. 

It's always important to remember that sex isn't supposed to be regimented. Learn to go with the flow and do whatever feels good at the moment. It'll turn you on more and make oral sex so much more erotic. And that's always a good thing.

12. Watch It All Go Down (Pun Intended)

I know. Sometimes it all feels so good that you couldn't keep your eyes open if you tried. But a lot of times, we don't make eye contact during any kind of sex act because we simply don't think it's that big of a deal, one way or another. Oh, but it is. Eye contact during physical intimacy conveys that you want to make a deeper connection with your partner. And, when you do it during oral sex, they are able to get more turned on by either watching what you are doing to them or seeing all of the nuances of your facial expressions while they are gracing you with their skills.

Oh, and if you really want to take things to another level, you can even tape your partner during the act. Or, if a tape, to you, is too risqué, the next best thing is to watch with the help of a full-length mirror that's directly in front of you.

As you can see, these aren't "oral sex hacks" so much as they are tips to remind you to relax your mind, stay in the moment and—again, pun intended—take it all in. Oral sex can be unbelievable. You've just got to open up and let it be.

Featured image by Getty Images

Originally published February 19, 2021

[glimblshanks]

🎭🌞🎉🧭🪄 For the Pagan/polytheist ask game

🎭 - What is an emotionally impactful or silly worship-related experience you've had?

I had some trouble picking an answer for this but I guess I'll share a recent experience.

My family has always used our house to host ritual rehearsals, full moon potlucks, coven gatherings, etc, etc. For as long as I can remember there's always been someone over at our house doing religious stuff. But of course, COVID really shut that down and it was a huge change of pace for me. We've only really started hosting things again in the last year or so, and it's been an adjustment having so many people around again.

Anyways, this December we had a bunch of people over practicing Yule carols for an upcoming event. I was in the kitchen baking and listening to everyone sing (I always love it when we have a big group of people singing in the house, it just brings so much energy to the space) and the little girl who was playing the returning sun in our solstice ritual came in and tried to sneak a spoonful of sugar to eat out of my baking supplies (it was a school night so I told her no and shooed her out of the kitchen).

But anyways, as she was running out of the kitchen in her gold lame outfit meant to represent the sun, and people were singing an explicitly Pagan rendition of Greensleeves in the other room, I was reminded exactly why we do rituals to celebrate the light returning. It's not just to get through the dark part of the year. It's to remind us that other good things like joy, community, and love, will also always come back, just like the sun, and that was a really nice reminder to have with everything else that's going on in the world right now.

🌞 - Which deity(ies) are you closest to/do you worship the most often?

My main guys are Thor, Libertas, and Artemis, although I also work with Danu and Loki a fair amount.

🎉 - Do you celebrate any festivals? If so, which ones?

The big one that I celebrate is Lughnasadh, there's a group in my area that does a three-day festival for it and I go every year. I also like to attend my city's (secular) Beltane fair and go to Pagan Pride each year.

And I don't know if this counts exactly but outside of Beltane and Lughnasadh festivals I also like to host tea parties to celebrate the sabbats. It's just nice to give each holiday its own marker!

🧭 - What led you to your practice?

I was raised Pagan so polytheism has always been a part of my life. I stayed Pagan, because honestly I just really value the religious community I grew up in - it's very joyous and accepting and I genuinely enjoy attending my place of worship.

I have tried out other religions over the years (when I was seven my poor mom spent almost a year sitting through Unitarian church services just because I liked going to their kid's classes lamo) but nothing else ever really spoke to me the way Pagan spirituality does. I do incorporate some Quaker beliefs into my personal practice, but that stuff all came from a Quaker Pagan teacher of mine so I still learned it through a very Pagan lens.

I guess the real answer is just that I like spirituality and community and I haven't found anything better than what I was raised with yet 🤷‍♀️

🪄 - Do you practice witchcraft? If yes, do you keep it separate from your deity worship?

Yes? Kind of?

The thing about being raised with witchcraft is that it just sort of ends up being something you do sometimes instead of a specific practice. It's very rare that I ever actually sit down and intentionally cast a spell or whatever, but I still definitely do magic.

If a deity feels like they need to be involved in said magic that's not really up to me tbh. I will occasionally ask deities for help with things but I think that sort of blurs the lines between prayer and magic -They're kind of the same thing for me.

[noteguk]

any way you want it | kth | m

— summary; in which your best friend, Taehyung, finds out about your unsatisfying sexual experiences and decides to put an end to that track record himself. 

— contents and warnings; smut, childhood best friends, Taehyung x reader, bigdick!tae, breast play, oral (f receiving), dry grinding, dirty talk, tae has a praise kink, unprotected sex (be responsible!!), rough sex, creampie, multiple orgasms, Taehyung takes things personally but he has good intentions, this is what happens when mutual thirst gets suppressed for years of friendship 

— words; 6.6k

— author’s note; i have no idea why but this fic was so fucking hard to put down into words??? I felt mentally constipated the entire time but it’s finally here 

Taehyung wasn’t the slightest bit surprised when you called him at almost two in the morning, complaining about your newest nightmarish date and practically begging to come over. Like the good friend that he was, he made sure to tell you that you would be more than welcome to join him in his newest documentary marathon about aliens, and wondered if you could bring him some takeout on your way over there. Like the bad friend that you were, you said no. 

To be fair, the nearest takeout place was across the city from his apartment (about thirty minutes away and in a bad neighborhood), and you were already having a horrible night as it was. Besides, you refused to take part in Taehyung’s search for a high blood pressure and cholesterol levels, arguing that it wasn’t the right time to stuff his face full of hypercaloric noodles. 

But you did pity him enough to comply with his second request: a big pot of vanilla ice cream, which you were sure you’d end up consuming too. You were in a crisis.

As if to prove that the gods above were laughing at you, during the walk of shame to Taehyung’s apartment, it had started to rain (because of course it did), and your umbrella was only able to save you from the shoulders up before it crumbled and flew away from your gasp, rolling on the asphalt like a ball of dirt in a Wild West movie. By the time that you dragged yourself to his front door, you were completely soaked (and not in the way you had planned for that night to end), and about to break down crying. 

Taehyung, like the angel that he was, helped you with your heavy coat and talked you into taking a warm shower before you got sick. He took the supermarket bag from you (where the ice cream had probably already melted) and walked you to this bathroom, excusing himself so he could grab you some dry clothes — and you only saw the ones he had picked when you got out of the shower. 

With a silly smile dancing on your lips, you fumbled with the black booty shorts that Taehyung had jokingly gifted you that past Christmas — one that read “daddy’s juicy butt” in big, bold, neon pink letters over your ass — and then decided that your dignity was already dead by that point, so another kick wouldn’t hurt. Taehyung had also given you one of his favorite band shirts, which he only revealed during desperate times. 

Your heart melted with the thought of your best friend trying to comfort you, and pulled the fabric close to your face so you could take a deep inhale, drowning in his scent. It smelled of that stupid cologne that Taehyung had used ever since he hit puberty, and a bit of fabric softener. 

The two of you had an extremely close friendship, to the point that it got kind of strange at times. Ever since childhood, it was joked that you and Taehyung had been long lost soulmates — doing everything together, from going to school to laughing at the same exact jokes during movie marathons, often at the same moment and for the same amount of time. Before puberty hit (and the hormonal rage took over your first teenage years) you couldn’t remember disagreeing with him even once. You two had always been in sync. 

But the uncomfortably close part only hit after you two went to college, and your anxiety for being a virgin in a sea of starving sharks got the best of you. After long conversations, you had managed to convince Taehyung to help you learn a thing or two about the art of naked wrestling. 

Apparently it was weird to give your best friend a handjob and a blowjob for the sake of education. Go figure. 

Regardless, your friendship wasn’t affected by any of that — even if you two had agreed to never mention any of it ever again — and you could always count on Taehyung to catch you when you fell. 

Even if it was at two am on a Tuesday, after one of your nightmarish dates. 

You threw yourself on the couch next to him, hugging your knees against your chest to form a barrier between you and the divine providence that had taken you to that point. You had half-assedly dried your hair, but pools of wetness had started to build on the back of Taehyung’s shirt. 

Instead of accusing you of ruining his favorite piece of clothing, Taehyung reached for the remote and paused his documentary just as the narrator was starting to explain how hieroglyphs were actually part of an alien language. “Just tell me how bad it was,” he said, a mustache of ice cream melting over his top lip.

You took a peek at the bowl of melting vanilla on his center table, and decided that you would probably pass the desert for the night. 

You glanced at him sideways, voice coming out monotone. “You sure you want to go down that path?” 

Taehyung licked his sweet mustache off and nodded, clearly intrigued. “Yeah, hit me with it. You look like you need all the help that you can find.” 

You sighed, turning around on the couch so you were facing him — legs still against your chest. “Okay so… I went to his place...” 

“Yes…”

“And... we had dinner, talked for a bit.”

“How was the talk?” He asked. 

You shook your head, trying to kill the memories inside. “He didn’t let me say a word. He just went on and on about this new website he’s working on, and how expensive his wine glasses were.” You scoffed, angry at yourself for ignoring the clear red flags of an arrogant douchebag. That was what the desperate need for immediate human connection could do to someone, you thought. “Apparently it’s supposed to be the next Facebook or something. Or twitter. I honestly wasn’t paying much attention.”

He chuckled. “Starting off strong.” 

“That wasn’t even the main issue,” you said, lowering your forehead so it was touching your knees. You just wanted the world to end at that moment, so you wouldn’t have to go through those experiences again. “After that, we sat on his couch and started watching a movie. And you know how that goes, we started kissing, he pushed me down and got on top of me…”

“And?” He instigated. 

With a sigh, you raised your head, meeting your friend’s gaze. Taehyung thought he had never seen you look so dead inside. And he had seen a lot from you. “And he humped like… my lower abdomen for about three minutes and came in his pants.”

Taehyung cringed visibly, taking one hand to cover his mouth. “Oh, man. That’s bad.” 

You nodded, strangely relieved at his reaction. Part of you was worried that you were the evil witch in that scenario, that maybe you had done something wrong. “The worst,” you agreed. “Wanna know what else?”

“What? There’s more?”

“He didn’t even ask me if I was satisfied with whatever the hell that was.” You told him, bitterness dripping from your tongue. In the grand scheme of things, that was something silly to get mad over, but the fact that your date didn’t even have the guts to ask if you had gotten something out of that was ridiculous. “Not that I could possibly be. But it’s like he didn’t care and I was just a pillow for him to hump like a… sexually repressed religious teen, I don’t know.”

Taehyung only nodded, realizing that there wasn’t much that he could say to fix the situation. “Was he a good kisser at least?”

You sneered. “I think he was trying to crush my face with his.” You glanced at your friend, only half of his face bathed by the yellow and orange shades coming from the television. Maybe a documentary about ancient history and alien expeditions wouldn’t be so bad. Worst case scenario, it would knock you out, and you wouldn’t have to think about that mess anytime soon. “Also, too much tongue, just… the amount of saliva…”

“Got it. You can stop there.” Taehyung raised one hand, his eyes closing for a second. His palm lowered and met one of your knees, standing there in a silent attempt at consolation. “I’m sorry about your terrible date experience, dude.” 

“If you could even call it that.” You ran one hand through your hair, suddenly overtaken by a wave of anger. “God! I was just… so… ugh! Like… ughhhh!!” 

Taehyung, bless his heart, sometimes couldn’t understand the random neanderthal sounds you threw his way. “So... what?”

At last, your makeshift protection came crumbling down, and you collapsed on the couch dramatically, legs dangling off the edge. Taehyung thought that you were being possessed for exactly two seconds before you started talking again. “I did a full body shave for this night, Taehyung. Do you realize what that means?” His lips fell open, but, before he had the chance to answer, you continued. “It means that I really wanted to get railed tonight. Actually, I wanted to find a guy who actually knew what he was doing for once in my life.”

Taehyung chuckled, trying to disperse the tension in the room. “Come on, the dating pool can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad,” you said. 

He wasn’t giving up that fast. “How bad?”

You raised your head to look him dead in the eyes, a silent threat, before finally uttering, “Try no-man-has-ever-made-me-cum bad,” and crashing your head back against the sofa. 

If you weren’t so hyper-focused on your own sexual melodrama, you would have noticed the thick silence that fell between the two of you, Taehyung’s face contorting into fifty different emotions within a few seconds. He thought that he had heard it all — from the secrets hidden in Machu Picchu to the obvious extraterrestrial influence on earthy religion — but no amount of bad documentaries could ever prepare him for that revelation. That didn’t make any sense. 

“Wait. Seriously?” He finally found his voice and managed to push his doubt out of his throat. “You’ve never had an orgasm before?”

You chuckled, humorless. “Oh no, I’ve had plenty of those. Just not from another person.” 

“How’s that possible?” he asked. 

“I ask myself that every single day.” You sighed, forcing yourself to sit back up. Taehyung was staring at you like you had just grown two extra arms, and you wondered what an amazing sex life he must’ve had for that confession to get him so confused. “Guess I’m just really bad at picking partners, who knows.”

There was a soft grunt on your throat as you fixed your position on the couch, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of your entire day piling up at once. Your gaze mindlessly traveled to the TV — a big plasma monstrosity that Taehyung had bought compulsively during a Black Friday sale — looking at a white-bearded man pointing maniacally towards a specific, round-shaped hieroglyph. You didn’t even need to hit play to know that he was making it seem like it was an UFO, but curiosity got the best of you. 

“Can you pass me the remote?” You asked, pointing at the small device that laid beyond Taehyung’s body. “I kinda wanna see what—”

“I’ve made tons of girls have orgasms,” Taehyung interrupted, looking at you like he had just clicked out of a transe.  

You laughed at his monotone voice. “I’m happy for you, Tae.” You leaned over his legs so you could finally reach the remote. “That wasn’t a jab at your masculinity, I’m sure you’re a very caring partner, and I’m sure there’s tons of guys out there that—”

“I can make you cum too, if you want.”

You had just grabbed the small piece of plastic when his sentence hit you like a smack in the face, making you drop the remote back on the couch, eyes widening. “You… what?”

He suddenly broke eye contact, taking one hand to massage the back of his neck. “Did that sound as creepy as I think it did?”

“A bit, yeah.” You forced out a light chuckle, trying to break the ice. There was no sign of mockery in his voice, and you didn’t know how to react. You could not say that the offer wasn’t tempting (you’d be lying if you claimed that you didn’t think Taehyung was attractive), but his proposal was so oddly-placed that it sounded like a joke. “What are you talking about?”

Taehyung sighed, turning his head to look at the television. “I just think it’s really unfair that no one has ever made you cum before.” 

You smiled. “That’s very nice of you, but…”

“And I want to help you with that.” He looked back at you. Oh, he was being a hundred percent serious. There was no longer a single ounce of doubt in your mind. “We’re friends, it’s not gonna be weird. We’ve done similar stuff before.”

“We were a lot younger, though.” You didn’t know why your mouth suddenly felt so dry, your fight or flight response kicking at full strength. You could tell that Taehyung was also trying to convince himself about the strangeness of the situation. “It’s gonna be kind of weird, yeah.”

“Not if we don’t make it weird,” he threw back. Was it bad that you were actually considering it? Maybe it was the piled-up exhaustion combined with the years of sexual frustration, maybe you were finally out of your mind. But you were really considering it. “I don’t wanna pressure you, alright? Just making a friendly offer. If you don’t want it, that’s fine.” 

You kind of wanted it, though. There was too much accumulated libido inside you from years and years of unsatisfying partners, and you trusted Taehyung with your entire heart. It sounded like a safe enough bet: if all went to shit and it got too awkward, you two could just stop, no hard feelings. Besides, you knew that Taehyung cared about you, which was more than you could say about all your dates in the past couple years. 

And the more you stared at him, probably looking like a deer in the headlights, the more you grew soft under his presence. At once, you were hit with desires that you had never considered before: you wanted to kiss those soft lips, wanted to know how his large hands would feel around you. You really, really wanted to know how it was to have a good sexual experience with someone, and you couldn’t think of a better candidate than your best friend. Even if you still thought it could be seen as a little bit weird. 

But you also kind of didn’t care. 

You licked your lips, finally finding your voice after a long moment of silence. “How… how would you do it?” 

Taehyung turned his head and looked at you, noticing the expectation in your eyes. “How would you want me to do it?” He asked. 

You tried to think, but your mind was completely blank. What did you want him to do? What did you like? Suddenly you weren’t sure about anything anymore. “I don’t know,” you admitted, glancing down. 

Taehyung smiled at your nervousness, one of his hands moving to your chin and tilting your head up. “How ‘bout I start by kissing you?” He questioned, gaze flickering to your parted lips. “Is that alright?” 

There were no words in your throat, so you simply nodded, closing your eyes as he leaned in. 

Taehyung’s mouth tasted of vanilla and you thought, even for a moment, that you were in paradise. The second that his tender lips met yours, your anxiety melted away, giving space to a newfound flame of desire. Taehyung kissed you softly, sensually, taking his time caressing your mouth and drowning in your heat. His hand moved to the back of your head, pressing you closer to him and leaning your head to the side so he could deepen the kiss. 

He sighed heavily into your mouth when your tongues met, his other hand moving to hold your waist. The position on the couch was kind of awkward for kissing, with the two of you sitting side by side, so it wasn’t an unwelcome surprise when Taehyung tugged you onto his lap, making you straddle him. 

The kiss was starting to get hungrier, messier, a small whimper dying in your mouth when his palms traveled down to cup your ass, pressing you down against his semi-hard cock. Taehyung sighed and groaned at the feeling of you on top of him, loving the way that your fingers played with his hair, your body so perfectly tight against his. If there was any hesitation before, it had completely vanished by that point. 

It caught you off guard when he suddenly broke off the kiss to ask you, “Do you like any pet names?”

You blinked, taken aback. “Hm? What?”

He placed a strand of your hair behind your ear. “You know, you want me to call you by something?”  

You realized that Taehyung was really taking that personal service to a different level, and you couldn’t say that you were let down by it. If any of your past partners had the dignity to ask what you liked, you wouldn’t be in that position in the first place. “I… like being called ‘baby’,” you told him. 

Taehyung smiled. “That’s cute. Baby it is.” 

Before you had a chance to respond, Taehyung’s lips were back on yours, a dreamy sigh leaving his mouth as your tongues met once again. Only a few seconds passed before he shifted his weight to lay you down, never breaking the kiss as he positioned himself between your legs, hovering over you. Taehyung started trailing a path of kisses down your neck, his large hands slithering beneath your oversized shirt and caressing the skin of your stomach. 

“Can I take this off?” He asked, tugging at your shirt. 

You agreed and, within a heartbeat, that piece of clothing was already on the floor, and Taehyung was diving in to kiss the valley of your naked breasts. You moaned timidly when one of your nipples was wrapped by his lips, his tongue coming out to play with it. Taehyung’s other hand was occupied fondling your other breast, tugging and pressing down on it, and the sensations were taking over your mind. 

“You have great tits,” Taehyung mumbled against your skin, switching to mouth your other nipple. 

“I’m glad you like them,” you teased, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. You were letting out these cute little whimpers that were making him lose his mind. “Feels really good.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, moving back to kiss his way up your neck. His tongue was hot and heavy as it danced on your skin, and you knew that those sucks he was giving you were surely gonna leave a few marks on your flesh. But you didn’t really care. “Gonna make you feel even better, baby.” 

Your eyes fluttered shut at the pet name — it sounded heavenly when Taehyung used it with his deep, honeyed voice; his warm breath hitting your neck as he continued with his ministrations. 

He kissed his way to your cheek, placing a small pec on your lips before saying, “Can you do something for me?”

You nodded. “What is it?” 

Instead of responding right away, Taehyung’s gaze fell to your lips, and he was once again attacking them. That time, you weren’t able to hold back the whimper that you let out, your panties already glued against your core with how much he was turning you on. 

One of his hands had trailed down your exposed abdomen, teasingly playing with the hem of your shorts. You held your breath when he tugged them down, bringing your underwear with it and throwing them somewhere in the living room. Taehyung grunted loudly when his fingers slipped past your folds, digging into your heat. His brain almost short-circuited because of how wet you were. 

He broke the kiss and looked you deep in the eyes. “I want you to sit on my face, baby,” he said, and his request shot straight to your core. “Let me take care of you, okay?” 

“Are you sure?” You asked. You had never done that before.

But Taehyung wasn’t sharing your reluctance. “Yeah,” he said, voice hoarse and eyes darkened. “Wanna taste you so bad. Sit on my face, please.” 

And you didn’t need any more convincing than that. Taehyung helped you get up from the couch so he could reposition himself on it, laying flat on his back and watching as you settled yourself above him, thighs on either side of his head. The couch was the exact size for that, a little smaller and you’d have one leg dangling off the edge.

Taehyung took his hands to your thighs, running them up to your hips. His eyes were focused on your pussy, and you never felt so exposed when he started pressing you down lightly, guiding you closer to his mouth. 

You held the back of the couch for support and did as he requested, lowering yourself until Taehyung had you flat on his tongue. Your breath trembled and caught in your throat when he licked a thick stripe from your entrance to your clit, humming around the taste before doing it again. Taehyung was an expert at erasing your worries because, with a few more licks, he had you fully losing yourself in his sinful ministrations. 

It wasn’t long until you were whining out his name, your folds lazily dragging against his tongue as you started to grind on his face. “God, Taehyung!” You called out, hand coming down to tug at his hair. Taehyung grunted in satisfaction, the vibrations of his deep voice sending shockwaves through your pussy. “That’s… that’s really nice. You’re really good at this.” 

He moaned in response, closing his eyes at your words. Taehyung was eating you out like his mouth was made for it, like he was starving for your taste and you were all that he could think about. He licked you from your entrance to your clit, playing with your sensitive spots and enjoying the tremors of pleasure that ran through your thighs, his hands locked tight around your hips. You sobbed and cried over him, making special effort to keep your legs steady as you rocked yourself on his tongue. 

It was only when he decided to suck on your clit that you realized how absurdly close you were. You clenched your teeth and whined out, yanking his hair harder. “Do that again, please,” you asked and Taehyung, like the good friend that he was, was quick to comply. Taehyung wrapped his mouth around your clit in a way that had you trembling over him, licking and sucking on your sensitive nub like his life depended on it. “Fuck, that’s so good, Tae. Feels so good…” 

He moaned again, more desperate this time, and some part of your mind understood the pattern that he was presenting you: Taehyung really, really liked your compliments. And you had no problem giving away any more of them. 

“You’re licking me so well, Tae, you’re gonna make me cum like this,” you told him,  meaning every word you said. Taehyung was a Greek god beneath you, staring up at you with those dark, focused eyes as if he dared you to cum on his tongue. “God! You’re so good for me.”

And then your praises ran thin, because your mind was gravitating somewhere else — seeking for the high that was dangerously close. It was only when Taehyung started toying with your entrance, brushing two of his fingers on it, that you came undone, crying out his name like it was a personal prayer. 

There was a smirk on your mouth as you came down, a flooding relief that overtook you. You never thought that you could come so hard in your life, especially when it depended on another person, and you were so, so happy to be wrong that you could cry. 

With shaky legs, you removed yourself from Taehyung’s face, straddling his lap and watching as his lips glistened with your arousal. His pink tongue came out to lick them, a hum on his throat as he took in your fucked-out expression. 

“You did so well, baby,” he said, placing one of his hands on your waist. “Come here.” 

Obedient, you leaned in and sighed as his mouth met yours. This time, Taehyung didn’t wait to eagerly insert his tongue inside your mouth, making you taste yourself on him. 

He pulled away leisurely, his voice hoarse. “Can you taste how sweet you are?” He asked. “I loved making you cum on my tongue, baby. You looked so pretty.” 

Taehyung breathed out, planting kisses on your neck, one hand trailing down to squeeze your ass. You whined at his tight grip and pressed yourself down on him, feeling his hard cock poking out against the fabric of his sweats. 

Taehyung groaned at the stimulation, pressing down on your asscheek again. You rolled your hips on top of him, wincing in sensitivity as his member brushed your clit. “Loved your pussy so much, baby,” he continued, sounding like he was lost in a daydream, “I can’t wait to be inside you. Bet you’d be so tight for my cock, hm?” 

“Yeah,” you managed to speak. Even if you had just reached your orgasm, you were still aching to feel something inside you. You wanted Taehyung more than you could understand. “I want you to fuck me, Tae, please.” 

He breathed out, his hands tightening around your flesh as you rolled your pussy against his cock once again. Taehyung looked like he was one heartbeat away from completely losing his self control, and hearing you beg for him to fuck you wasn’t doing him any favors. “Gonna need to lie down for me, baby,” he asked. 

With a few more shifts on the couch, Taehyung had you beneath him once again, your legs open for him as he removed his shirt and pants. It wasn’t long before his cock sprung free from its confinement, standing erect. You licked your lips at the lustful sight, pussy clenching in anticipation as you took him in — Taehyung was big. Bigger than anyone you’ve ever had, that’s for sure; long and thick and already leaking for you. 

You would’ve cried out in need if he didn’t interrupt you. “What are you looking at?” Taehyung asked, the ghost of a smile creeping up on his lips. 

Your stare oscillated toward his own. “That’s why you have such a good track record, your cock is huge.” You bit your lip, thinking about how good he would feel inside you. You didn’t know how it was possible, but you were pretty sure the last time you’ve seen his cock — back in the dark ages of your freshman year of college — it wasn’t as big as that. Or maybe you just didn’t have anything to compare it to. 

“Hey, I just used my tongue on you, don’t ignore my efforts,” Taehyung teased, wrapping one of his hands around his member so he could pump himself a few times. The playful atmosphere swiftly shifted back, and, when he spoke up again, his voice was deeper. “You think you can take it?” 

“Yeah, I can,” you said. You couldn’t be sure, but you were sure going to try. 

Taehyung hummed, moving a bit closer so he could brush his tip against your pussy, coating it with your wetness. You closed your eyes in expectation, knowing that you’d love the stretch he would give you. 

“You want it?” He asked, a touch of desperation covering his words. Taehyung was nearing his breaking point, and the fluttering of your pussy on his cock was making him go insane. “Want my cock inside your tight little cunt, baby?” 

You nodded, frantic. The brushing of his thick tip on your hole was becoming too much, your walls clenching around nothing, seeking for something to fill you up. “Yes, fuck, I want it so bad.” 

“Are you tight for me, baby?” He was trying to prolong that moment for as much as he could, keep the pretty face you made when you pleaded for him to fuck you burned in the back of his head. Making you cum once was a victory he would take forever, but making you cum around his cock might as well be his life’s biggest achievement. “Ready for me to fuck you?” 

You cried out when he started pressing himself inside you, guiding his crown inside your pussy, then stopping. “Yes, Tae, just put it all in, please,” you whined, hands fumbling for support on his broad shoulders. Taehyung already had you clenching around nothing, you didn’t know what else he wanted from you. “Please, please, fuck me.” 

Taehyung chuckled, looking down at where you two met. He was only human, and his self control was short lived. “Since you asked so nicely…” 

Your back arched off the sofa as you felt the delicious drag of his large cock inside you, opening you up gradually, taking its time before filling you up to the brim. You gasped and sobbed at the overwhelming feeling, nails digging on the skin of his back as Taehyung groaned besides your ear. 

“Fuck, that’s so good.” He let out a shaky breath, and you swore you never heard his voice get so husky before. “I just slipped right in. You’re so fucking wet.” 

Your mind was an apocalypse of confused thoughts and forgotten exclamations, eyes fluttering shut as you dove into the sensation of Taehyung inside you — his hips angling backwards, tilting up just enough so he could move himself away from you core, only to come slamming back inside. The stretch of his cock was amazing, it was making you drunk, and all that you could think about was how much pleasure it was giving you. 

“So-So big—“ you muttered, half aware that the words actually left your lips. 

“How do you like it, uh?” Taehyung asked, his voice dripping sin and hunger. You could tell that he, too, was getting carried away by the feeling, his hips rutting themselves against you at a lazy pace. “Gonna give it to you any way you want it, baby.” 

You bit your lip, a small moan leaving your mouth when Taehyung leaned closer to you, distributing hot kisses on your neck. You swore you’d be happy if you died then. “I like it rough,” you answered. 

He groaned, apparently satisfied with your response. “Whatever you want.” 

Taehyung got to his knees on the couch, deciding to put one foot on the ground for support, his hands raising your hips to help him reach even deeper inside you. Faster than your brain could compute, the shallow, lazy pace he had sat was being replaced with a harsh, fast pumping that made you cry out his name, eyes closing in sheer bliss. 

“Tae! Yes, yes, just like that,” you sobbed, running one hand through your hair. You felt like your body was floating, every cell of your body overheating with the amazing pleasure that Taehyung was giving you. You never had someone fucking you so hard, his cock pistoning inside you, your body bobbing up and down on the couch. 

Taehyung’s eyes were glued to the bouncing of your breasts as he continued to fuck you, a deep groan leaving his chest. “That’s it, take it,” he moaned out, quickening his pace even more. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, mouth opening in a silent scream.  “Gonna make you cum so hard around my cock, baby. Gonna fuck you until you cry. Want that?” 

“Yes, yes, please,” you moaned. “Feels so good, Tae.” 

“You like my cock, baby? Like it filling you up?” He asked and you could only nod pathetically, your entire body too fucked out to even respond. “F-fuck, your pussy is so good. Tell me that you love my cock.” 

“I love your cock,” you whined, feeling like a complete hot mess under his thrusts. “I — fuck! — I love your cock so much, Tae, it’s so big.” 

Your words motivated him to fuck you even harder, his member hitting even deeper inside you. Taehyung was getting lost in the stretch of your pussy around him, the glorious sounds you were making, the lust that coated your face every time you called out his name. 

“Shit, I don’t know how anyone could look at you like this and not want to see that pretty face cum.” He was breathing out hard, grunting every time your cunt tightened around him. Taehyung wanted to see you like that forever, taking his cock like a good girl, creaming all over him and begging to do it again. You were wrapping around him so perfectly, taking all of him so well, that he didn’t think he’d manage to move on from that anytime soon. “So fucking hot.”

Taehyung chased after your high like a starving man looking for food, experimentally changing the angle and force of his thrusts to see what would get the best reaction out of you. At last, after a pathetically loud cry from your part after he raised your legs up, it seemed as if he had found it. “I bet you’d be so tight cumming around my cock, baby,” he was thinking out loud at that point, trying to make sense of the pretty sounds and expressions you were giving him so eagerly. He wanted nothing more than to see you cum — it was personal at that point. “I wanna feel you cum around me, baby. Wanna feel it so bad.” 

“I’m c-close.” Your nails dug into his shoulders, eyes closing tightly. There was a light heat in your cheeks and sweat on your forehead that was making Taehyung wonder if you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “You’re so good, T-Tae, you’re fucking me so well…” 

Taehyung thought that he could cum right then and there, pushed over the edge with those sweet words alone. He loved being good to you, loved making you feel things that no one else managed to before. He was intoxicated by that sense of superiority, drowning in your praise. He wished that he could fuck you forever. 

“Cream my cock, baby, come on,” he pushed you on, his words hanging somewhere between an order and a breathless plea. You were getting so tight around him that it was making him crazy, your wetness coating his cock and dripping down between your legs like his own personal brand of aphrodisiac. “You can do it, come on. I wanna see you cum so bad.” 

You smiled at him, a cute, fucked-out smirk that made Taehyung go to heaven and back. “So good for me, Tae, you’re so big,” you said, your voice so needy and high-pitched. Your orgasm was looming over you, pressing down on your lower body and making you see stars. It was only a matter of time before Taehyung got you crying out his name, back arching off the couch and mouth falling open in delirium. “Tae! Fuck! Don’t stop, please, I’m gonna—“ 

But your warning came a second too late, because you were already spasming around his length, body shaking as Taehyung thrusted hard inside you. Just as expected, you were absolutely fucking gorgeous when you came — all quivering lips and rolling eyes —, and Taehyung was beyond satisfied to know that he was the only one who saw that pretty face of yours. 

“That’s it, baby, fuck.” Taehyung was starting to feel his own high approaching, called by the delicious tightening and releasing of your pussy around him. His thrusts were messy and harsh; his sweaty hair falling over his eyes like a cascade. “Can I cum inside you, baby? Can I fuck you full of my cum?”

You noticed the desperation in his tone and, with the throbbing of his member inside you, you knew that he wasn’t far. “Yes, please,” you said. “You were so good for me, Tae, you can cum wherever you want.” 

And it was that final taste of praise that pushed Taehyung over his limit; waves upon waves of cum filling you up as he rode out his high. “God— fuck!” He cried out, drunk on the feeling of your walls milking the last drops of cum out of his cock. A few lazy pumps later, and he was collapsing on top of you with a mumbled, “F-Fuck.” 

There was an instant of silence after his orgasm, the quietude only filled by Taehyung’s heavy breathing. You took one hand to his head, caressing the strands as a smile blossomed on your lips. “Well, I believe you now,” you said playfully. “I’m sure you made a bunch of girls orgasm.” 

Taehyung chuckled, breathless. “Thank you, I try,” he said, looking up at you. The darkness in his gaze was gone, and it was just your best friend staring back at you. “You alright?”

“I’m great,” you admitted. You never felt so good in your life. “You?”

“Fantastic, thanks for asking.” He leaned back so he could sit up, running one hand through his disheveled hair before saying, “I’m gonna grab you a towel, hang on.” 

Taehyung left you for a couple minutes before coming back to clean you up, tenderly wiping away the mess you two had created. After he was done, he discarded the towel on the floor and crawled back to rest on your chest once again. 

There was a comforting quietude that floated in the atmosphere, only filled by the muffled buzzing of his freezer and the vague sound of raindrops drumming on the window. You didn’t really know how to deal with that entire situation, didn’t know how things would stay between the two of you. But, at that point, you made the decision to keep those worries for the following morning and, instead, just enjoy his warmth radiating all around you. 

The glorious silence, at last, was broken when Taehyung started mumbling against your breasts.  “Hey, ___?” He called. 

“Yeah?”

“How many dates have you been on?”

You hummed, thinking for a moment. “Ever?”

Taehyung made a clicking sound with his tongue. “I don’t know, like, this past year.”

“Uh… like… five or six? I think?” You answered, looking down to meet his gaze. You knew that wicked expression very well. “Why?”

He smiled. “Because we have a lot of shitty dates to make up for.”

[interact-if]

And the final interview for our Religious Diversity Month, with Denna!

Denna, author of Vessel of the Goddess.

I look at Sophie as she’s dying in my arms.

“Please, I can’t lose you yet!” I scream. “Its you. It’s gonna be you.” she breathes out weakly. “What are you talking about?” I say, while letting my tears fall freely.

“You’re gonna be the next vessel.”

In this game you will play as the mortal vessel of a goddess, chosen to guide your realm. But when one of the goddesses goes rougue, how will you make sure your realm survives?  

• Read more about Vessel of the Goddess here.

• Denna’s Ko-fi and Patreon.

[INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT]

Q1) Tell us about your project(s)!

My main project is the Vessel of the Goddess, an interactive novel where you play as the mortal vessel of a goddess!

The novel is heavily inspired by all kinds of religions and mythologies mixed with my own original ideas ;) 

The fist book of the series will mostly be about navigating your new life as a vessel and meeting your new “colleagues” (who you can romance by the way ;)). You are forced to get used to your new life very quickly though, because when one of the goddesses goes missing its up to you to bring her back!

Q2) Why did you choose to write interactive fiction? What drew you to the format?

I've always loved novels and reading in general, but I was always disappointed when the main character made a choice I didn't like, and with interactive fiction you can decide which choice you think suits the story best.

I had so many ideas and endings for my book and I couldn't really choose between them, so I thought why would I choose at all? With interactive fiction you can combine them all, based on the choices your readers make!

Q3)  How have your identity and beliefs influenced your work?

Oh absolutely! Seeing as my current project is literally about gods, my personal beliefs around religion and the divine have definitely influenced my book!

As I'm also part of many minority groups, representation is also something that I really wanted to work on and I hope you can see back in my work. I want every reader to feel like they could also have a place in my books, and make the reading experience much more immersive this way!

Q4) What aspects would you like to be more explored or represented in media regarding your religion?

I would love to see wiccan people just be more accurately presented in general. Not all of us are these stereotypical witches (not that there's anything wrong with that!!),  a lot of us are normal people who just happen to believe in less traditional things.

Q5) What are you most excited about sharing related to your project?

To be honest, I’m really excited to share the final work! But for now i would definitely say letting everyone meet the main crew of characters as they really feel like my babies hehe. I’m mostly just excited to let  everyone get acquainted with the world I’ve created!

Q6) A tiny bit unrelated, what's your favorite religious event?

I love Easter as a religious event! It feels very hopeful and the fact that we celebrate it in spring, just makes it my favourite overall! Christmas is a close second though (if you can count it as an religious event)

Q7) Any thoughts or advice you'd like to give to fellow authors or readers?

For my authors, definitely do not rush yourself! I find this the biggest struggle for myself, but i would rather release something a bit later but better than release something sloppy and unfinished

And for the readers, your thoughts matter so much to us authors! Whatever you want to say, just tell us because we are going to be so happy hearing it! (Yes, even if it’s just a keyboard smash ;))

[blzzrdstryr]

Reveries of turmoil

Yandere!Childe x fatui!reader

[Previous chapter]

Just as you predicted that short and stifled conversation was a portent of future changes. Childe stopped trying to talk to you outside the business, he even avoided your eyes in those rare moments when you looked at him first. Normally obnoxious and persistent Harbinger seemed to deflate in your presence, as his swaggering and blustering attitude disappeared within mere moments.

You would be overjoyed for this turn of events, if you didn’t have any experience of dealing with and tolerating Tartaglia. Childe, as you already established, is a chaos personified, an erratic whirlwind that twists and ruins everything in its way wrapped in human skin and caged by human bones. It wouldn’t be a surprise if some nasty complications arose out of this faux armistice and sneaked upon your unsuspecting self.

Ajax wont do anything drastic, you reassure yourself - the Rite of Descension gets closer and closer with each passing day, he just can't afford to fail this, meaning that he will have to keep you on-field. It would be logical to do so, let you work, but logical sometimes means predictable and nothing about Ajax is predictable.

Fortunately he continued to keep this strange distance as days passed. Was your little episode and words you said to him enough to stop him in his pursuit? Maybe it truly hurt him, maybe it made him see how miserable he was making you, maybe his obsession with you ceased to exist, it’s flames fizzling and going out just as fast as they ignited. You doubt all of it, yet continue to hope for the better, despite the evidence of the opposite shoved in your face.

Ajax will never let go of you, not in the way you want. He killed and tortured people right before your eyes, sometimes had you assist him in doing so. Most of the time this was done in Tsaritsa’s name, for the future of Snezhnaya and her people, just another working assignment regardless of the blood curdling screams and alien agony.

However, in some rare cases the torment of others isn’t something that is totally impersonal to you, sometimes you’re the main cause. Childe is possessive, terribly so. He watches over you like a dragon guarding his gold, scaring away other possible admirers. And if his title and reputation wasn’t enough to keep away whatever poor sod who decided to tempt the dragon, well, other way more grim methods were used.

You never personally witnessed these kinds of torture, but you heard rumours and sometimes saw the bodies after, images that keep reappearing in your nightmares. Maybe this lull is nothing but a quiet before the storm, a short breather after he commits some unforgettable atrocity again.

He personally summons you the day before the Descension. You brace yourself for incoming nonsense, except nothing comes. “Agent [Last]”, he says, his voice tense and restrained.”I need you to attend the Rite of Descension with me. You will be disguised as a civilian", and then he dismisses you, no hint of mind games he likes to play in sight.

You want to hope that he changed, you succeed and fail at the same time - this new Ajax is pleasant, he’s cold and disinterested, just like any boss should be, yet you just can’t relax and focus wholly on doing the job - it’s a privilege only those who haven’t met Tartaglia can afford.

He’s a sea, treacherous and ever changing, calm and serene in one moment, yet violent and crushing in the other.

You spend the day torn between the anxious thoughts of Tartaglia and what he might do and the preparation for upcoming ceremony - it's a once in a lifetime event, it's Tsaritsa’s will and hope, it's Ajax’s eyes focused on you. You can’t afford to fail, you have no right to do so.

Wearing a simple Snezhnayan overcoat with nothing hiding your face is surely strange after years of donning a fatui uniform. Tourists and Liyuens alike pass by, not paying you any attention. Both vision and delusion glow under the thick fabric, asking you to use them.

You walk faster.

The top of the Yujing Terrace is lit with sunlight and full of human sounds, as merchants and other workers haste to finish their tasks and join the people at the top. You look around, quickly noticing the familiar ginger - he stays half-turned to you, his eyes focused on the figure of Tianquan. You quickly avert your gaze, as if not recognizing him, and shift it towards other people - you spot two vision holders among the crowd too - an electro and geo one, and a strange person cladded in the exotic clothes with some sort of flying fairy(?) floating around.

You walk to the altar placing Liyuen flowers nearby the multiple offerings of food, wine and gold, their simple white petals contrasting against the gaudy luxury of the rest.

"Qingxin flowers?", someone suddenly says, a speck of genuine surprise evident in the phrase. Their voice is too close for your comfort - you quickly turn on the heels, alarmed by a person somehow sneaking up on you only to be met with a pair of the golden eyes.

It’s a nicely dressed Liyuen gentleman, with the air of wisdom and elegance surrounding him, an inner dignity shining from beneath, and most importantly the one you saw wearing a vision at the back of the coat. You try to look as calm as possible, despite the senses telling you otherwise - after years of service any vision holder unadorned by the Fatui colors is perceived as a threat.

“Yes, it is”, you quip back, not wanting to look suspicious: “Is this improper? Qingxin as an offering?”, you mimic a light concern - something that would be appropriate for the foreign merchant who might have offended the god of commerce.

“No, not at all”, Liyuen laughs: “just in all of my years, I have never seen anyone offer these flowers”.

“Huh”, you smile, looking at the man before you. Is he a simple liyuen you thought of him at first? He has Geo vision - the symbol of Archaic Lord’s recognition - and the way he said “all of my years” carry more weight than usual, a mark of something hidden beneath the mundane phrase.

“Something tells me, you must have attended every rite of Descension”, you continue, the starter vague and innocent enough - a perfect way to fish out more information. For some reason, his golden eyes widen a bit, it’s subtle and quick enough to go unnoticed by most people, but you’re not the most people - all Fatui agents are trained to catch even the smallest changes and educated in multiple fields, physiognomy included.

What could have caused such a reaction and why did he react the way he did? The Rite of Descension is a prominent event in the life of every Liyuen, even if it’s annual, as thousands of thousands of people traverse great distances to see their god fly down from the heavens and grace his subjects with the wisdom of countless years. You remember seeing Liyuens living in Snezhnaya consistently take a leave every year for a week, when the prominent date showed on the horizon, missing working days and no doubt a lot of nerves, only to see the archon of their homeland.

So why did that man looks so surprised?

“You’re quite perceptive, aren’t you?”, he responds, voice calm and pleasant, despite the masterfully hidden surprise: “And yes, I have always tried my best to be at every Rite to this day. Rex Lapis shares his experience with his people, so it’s an incredibly important day. And what about you? What brings a foreigner here?”, he makes a gesture at your obviously snezhnayan clothes.

“Well, I am a travelling merchant as you can see”, you raise your hands, showing him more of the coat: “Having blessing from the God of Commerce won't hurt, right?". He, again, reacts in the way you haven't anticipated, a handsome face adopting a contemplating expression for a short second.

"Rex Lapis rewards diligent people, work hard and he shall bless you too", he says with an air of wisdom around him, like an old enlightened monk passing his knowledge to the disciples surrounding him: "And you shouldn't keep your vision beneath the layers of cloth. I feel its chill just standing here, who knows what it will do to your body?".

Then he simply turns away and goes to the exit of Yujing terrace, and it’s your turn to suppress the rising agitation - how did he know, where’s he heading now?

“Wait”, you say: “why are you leaving?”

“I dedicated my whole life to my job, which consists of a collection of small and incredibly repetitive tasks, they took up most of my attention and I slowly, but surely became a creature of habit, deaf and blind outside its limited field of experience and comfort zone. Time never stops, so I decided to leave the work I’ve been entrusted with, and I want to start it by breaking my strongest habit - religiously attending every Rite of Descension”.

“Ah”, you reply, equally impressed by his speech, and feeling that you are talking about two completely different and unrelated topics: “well, good luck on that”.

More and more people flood the terrace as one of the main threats to your plans finally arrives - stern and ambitious, Ningguang looks as elegant and intimidating as ever, geo vision and the tassel attached to it, shaking with every graceful step. She throws a short glance at Tartaglia - he stands surrounded by the rest of the agents - yet her face doesn’t change even a bit, whatever hostility she may hold for your faction masterfully suppressed.

You quickly look around - tourists and citizens arrive at the last minutes and milleliths come with them. Soon, all of the exits are heavily guarded by at least four soldiers, all carrying spears and clad in armour - surely a necessary precaution, given the presence of Fatui and their Harbinger.

There are no milleliths among the crowd though, not in the on-duty uniform at least. You study the group again, this time looking for anyone with weapons, as someone lightly pushes you away - it’s that foreigner again. “I am sorry, we need to go closer”, the pixie-like creature apologizes, as it flies after the stranger, and you conclude that there are no armed people, except you, Tartaglia, milleliths, Ningguang and that strange person.

“The hour is upon us”, Tianquan starts, after looking at the bright sun above, two women around her slightly bowing down, as she invokes the power of geo. The gold glow surrounds and illuminates her whole figure, before condensing into hard rocks of the same shade. They shine and fly around her for a bit, leaving the yellow trails behind before starting to spin around the shrine in the middle of the rock table.

Soon the golden inscriptions on the shrine start to glow too, before it sends a bright orange beam into the blue sky. The crowd "Oh!"s and "Ah!"s as the clouds deform around the pillar of light.

Tension, so thick it can be tasted, descends in the waves upon the Terrace as some - carefree and ignorant - hold their breaths in excitement and anticipation, whilst the rest focus in caution - Fatui and Qingxin alike. You shift, taking out both vision and delusion out of your coat, as your eyes frantically shift between Tianquan, Tartaglia and the spiraling clouds above, your whole being ready to aid Childe in his mission.

And then something unexpected happens: a majestic dragon does descend to his people. By falling straight to the ground. Serpentine body slumps around the crushed offerings, elongated tongue escaping the confines of the maw.

A long second of absolute silence passes before Ningguang collects herself, checks the body and orders milleliths to close off all the exits, as the crowd erupts into turmoil and chaos realizing what exactly has happened. You disguise amongst the panicking masses, hiding two glowing orbs in the deep pockets of your coat,before looking at Tartaglia again - he in turn intently stares at the blonde foreigner, who quite clumsily tries to sneak past the soldiers.

Milleliths catch onto that running after the stranger and you use this opportunity, turning invisible in the same second. People around you are too panicked to question your sudden disappearance or the unnaturally cold breeze swaying past them, as you make your way - Childe has already departed, chasing after the group of soldiers, and Ningguang is seen leaving too, giving the last orders, before turning to the Yuehai pavillion.

You contemplate for a second, unsure what to do - Tartaglia has ordered you to aid him in case of Qixing intervention, there was nothing about the death of your target and the glimpse into Tianquan’s actions might be a key to solving the mystery of said departure. The thing that you plan to do is opportunistic, reckless even - who would have known that Ajax will rub off onto you? You chase after Ningguang, careful to keep yourself invisible.

Who is Rex Lapis’ murderer?

She goes up to the aged man standing at the stairs of the pavilion, they exchange a couple of words before Ningguang steps up on the little floating island and it starts to levitate! You run after her, still unsure what to do - the platform is too small, Tianquan will no doubt feel the chill coming from you, but the opportunity to learn what Qixing are planning is too good to miss.

In the end, you come to compromise, jumping after the rising platform, as your hands clutch into its rough protrusions and you grit your teeth, enduring the pain and cold from the vision overuse. The little island rises higher and higher, as people and buildings underneath turn into small dots. Your fingers start to slide off a couple of times, yet you grab onto the island with a renewed strength everytime that happens, asking Tsaritsa to let fortune favour you.

The platform finally stops moving, and you pull up, once you hear her heels clicking away.

Jade chamber, as it turns out, exceeds all rumours, luxurious and opulent, shining above the prosperous city, it glows under the sunlight with a golden radiance. You would have stopped to admire it if it wasn’t for your goal. You sneak after Ningguang, following her to the office as she takes out papers and folders from the shelves. She focuses on them, as you carefully step near her, glancing at what she’s reading - it’s reports of fatui activity throughout the months, leading to this day, thankfully vague and very far from reality.

Does it mean that she also has no idea of what or who caused Rex Lapis’ death and tries to find his killer? Or does it mean that she looks for a way to deduct Fatui's next actions?

You don’t have time to contemplate, as the frost worsens and you feel cryo energy exhausting from the overuse - one more minute and you’ll become visible. You quickly walk away - you don’t have enough time to reach that platform, so you do the most logical thing - fling yourself out of the window, opening the wings of the glider halfway the jump.

You push the most of your invisibility, letting go of the cryo powers once you're only a couple of meters above the ground. In the end you find yourself tired and frozen to the very bones, slowly coming back to the Northland bank.

***

You approach the building as the Sun begins to set - its pink-orange rays dying everything in the warm glow. The bank looks glorious like that, sinking in the reddish tones, it looks like an illustration out of children’s books - a place of something miraculous, a place of something hopeful.

“Hi”, you throw to the tired Vlad and he nods, after suppressing an escaping yawn: “Is boss here?”

“Yeah”, he croaks, drowsiness evident in his speech: “came back like an hour or two ago. Can’t really remember”.

“Huh.. Well, thanks”, and with these words you enter the bank, pushing the doors and preparing yourself for the confrontation to come.

After chatting with Ekaterina and confirming that yes, he is in his office, you head for the staircase, all of the information you learned today buzzing inside your head.

Childe sits, hunched over the papers, as you enter, not paying you even the sliver of attention. For some reason he’s in a different clothes.

“Eleventh Harbinger”, you start the standard greeting, all formal and stiff: “this subordinate has finished the task”.

This finally prompts him to raise his head, cold blue eyes look at you, no hint of the usual obsessiveness in sight: "you may speak, agent" he succinctly says, putting the writing feather aside. You quickly report to him all you have seen today, without your own thoughts involved - they’re just baseless theories, after all.

“So you say, Tianquan was reading the reports about Fatui activity. Haven’t you destroyed those reports earlier?”

“Those papers contained nothing about the current situation, they were actually far from reality, I doubt that any of those reports survived the fire”.

“Seems, I’ll have to take your word for it”, a sigh, he leans closer in his seat, propping left cheek on the palm: “Why did Tianquan look at them? What was she trying to do? Pin her crime on us?”, he glances at you again, gesturing that you can speak your mind and you do.

“Highly unlikely, sir. From the short time I spent watching her and her reputation, I have an impression that Qixing Tianquan is a person who prefers to plan her every action. If she or any other Qixing higher up, were the one who murdered our target, then every needed preparation would be done months, if not even years in advance. She would somehow cast us as the killers right at the ceremony, in front of thousands of Liyuens, making us a scapegoat for public outrage and creating alibi for herself”.

“So, that’s how you think”, he hums, blue eyes deep in thought: “Your entire conclusion is based on the mere impression. With Tianquan’s ambition I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one behind this...”, a vague hand gesture: “catastrophic situation”.

“When I sneaked inside the Jade chamber, she looked very frantic, it didn’t show on her face, but her movements were harsh and quick, lacking any of her elegance. She looked like she tried to keep herself together”.

“Anyone would try to do that, especially after killing a god”, he looks somewhere to the left, no doubt imagining battling the dead archon: “Well, my conclusion isn’t based on anything solid either. We don’t know who killed Rex Lapis, but we still need to somehow obtain his gnosis”, the last part isn’t addressed directly to you, it seems that Ajax just decided to voice out his worries.

“You can go”, he says, standing up from the table. You are touching the door handle, when you hear him asking:”what’s with your hand?”. The tone is nothing like that time, yet shivers still go up your spine when you remember what happened that day.

"Frostbite, from my vision", he comes closer to you, hand outstretched to yours: “Can I?”, he asks and waits for your faint nod, before gently pulling it closer to his face.

“It’s a second degree”, he mumbles, inspecting the white-blue discolorations and small angry blisters - the skin throbs and aches at his touch, yet most of it remains numb, muffled, like sounds underwater: “You should get it treated”.

“I should”, you agree, eager to leave this room and situation: “I will ask medics for some..”

“I already discharged them”, his hand suddenly shifts, now resting atop of the door handle, his frame suddenly looming over you: “I have a medkit here, with the ointments and balms. Maybe you should stay here and let me patch you up?”

Why did you even think that Childe could change?

***

Ajax has you sitting on his chair, with sleeves rolled up to the very elbows, as he frets around you - checking the temperature, pulling the warm water closer to you and taking out needed medicine out of the kit. It’s mostly silent, except the tune he quietly hums - Childe looks peaceful and content like this, maybe he likes caring for you.

“Does it hurt?”, he takes a discolored finger, probing around the blister, as the warm hydro energy engulfs your damaged hand. The burst of sensation explodes at this action - pain, tingling, throbbing, even relief.

“Bearable”.

“Understood”, Childe gets back to his task, continuing to rewarm your hands, still humming that tune as he does so. He takes out the healing ointment, when the healthy color and warmth returns to your limbs and spreads it on the skin, bitter herbal scent filling the room in an instant.

“[First]”, he says, as he rubs the place between the index and middle fingers: “I think we need to talk. About that day and your reaction”.

“And what about it?”, you respond, too quickly and snappy for the calm-facade - the memories of that day, of what you thought he will do to you, of how he witnessed you falling apart - all of these are too much, a maelstrom of conflicted feelings rising every time your thoughts stray to this topic. He finishes applying the balm and now switches to the bandanges, wrapping treated hands in them.

“Don’t you think you treat me too harshly, [First]? I understand I may have been… unpleasant in the Past, but I thought we moved past that. What have I done to warrant such ire?”, he says it with his usual smile, but there's a tense, heavy tinge in his words. It’s subtle enough to miss, but you knew Ajax since you both were fourteen, so the strain doesn’t go unnoticed.

Everything, you want to coldly respond, but you stop yourself again - Ajax is still a Harbinger, even if he trailed your steps at the training camp like an overeager and highly murderous puppy not even a decade ago, no matter your own feelings or sentiments or even experiences he still holds that power over you, whether he realizes it or not.

“There were.. things”, broken bones, coppery scent of blood, someone else screams: “training with you wasn’t pleasant for sure”. Childe laughs at the last part, yet the tension clouding in the air doesn’t dissipate, turning more tangible instead.

“I see”, a long pause: “I want to prove you're wrong, I want to prove you that I will never do something against your will”.

You already did. You stay silent at that, anger and fury and frustration boiling underneath, burning and scorching your insides like a magma moments before the eruption. His hands finally wrap the last layer of bandage, tying the ends into a neat little bow, yet he doesn’t let your palm out of your hold, as his lips hover over it, breath burning the skin even through the fabric. And then he releases it, not doing anything.

“Good luck with that”, you finally suppress the inner storm, and stand up from the chair, quickly heading to the door. The place where he almost kissed your tingles and throbs with a renewed strength. Your cheeks burn for some reason.

[butwhatifidothis]

I also think that part of the reason why the church gets so much hate is because of how much general distrust there is in organized religion in real life. Like I went into Three Houses trying to keep an open mind and during White Clouds I really couldn't see what was so heinously wrong with the church even during the Lonato thing that made the institution so much worse than what Edelgard was inciting. I could be totally wrong but I was under the impression that Rhea didn't squash the insurrection because they were a part of the Western Church but because they were actively rebelling and, on top of that, Lonato was bringing civilians into the conflict. That, along with the fact that Rhea knows for an absolute fact that the goddess existed and that she herself is old as dirt (trauma included) makes her decisions make a lot of sense.

I'm playing through AM with my friend who's never played before and they IMMEDIATELY said they distrusted the church because Jeralt doesn't like Rhea (for understandable reasons but my friend also ignored his very sus behavior of not explaining literally anything to Byleth) and because organized religions must be inherently bad.

It’s something that’s heavily related to a player’s inability to separate the reality of their specific circumstances with those of the fiction they’re consuming. They implant their experiences onto things that are only somewhat related and then extrapolate “facts” about the fiction that are, many times, actively shut down and/or disproven by that fictions lore or story or plot.

And, like, it’s normal to relate fictional things to your personal stories if you see connections to them. I’d wager a good amount of people find some aspect of a character they like/love that sticks out to them specifically because of a similarity they share of some kind, whether big or small. I know of people who’s fave superhero is The Flash because The Flash is fast and they ran track and hey, that’s cool, a superhero who’s ability is running really fuckin’ fast and I wanna be really fuckin’ fast. To use myself as an example, I can relate to the struggles Claude specifically has with race because many of the things he says correlate very well to my personal experiences with race. So, going by that line of logic, the opposite is clearly going to happen as well; there are many villains, or characters of either or neither allegiance towards good and evil, who have traits that personally affect someone in a negative way.

But here’s the thing about that... Claude and I have similar experiences with race. He’s still a prince, and I’m still someone who’s never seen above the poverty line in terms of income. He’s never had to live off a box of Whoppers he happened to find under his bed for three days to hold off until the food stamps come in because there’s just no food and no money to get any food. And on the flip side, I’ve never had people try to kill me just cuz I’m mixed. I’ve never felt the pressure of having to lead thousands of people to safety or have them die, directly due to my inability to lead them well enough. We still have extremely different lives and I can acknowledge those differences when looking into his character, regardless of whatever connection I may have with him otherwise, and that’s where these people fail in terms of critically consuming 3H as a piece of media.

These people - understandably, to an extent - look at Rhea, this devout religious woman who heads a major religious institution, and they automatically connect the language she uses as a devout religious person to the negative experiences they personally had with religion... without acknowledging the differences between the two. They see Rhea and they don’t see a bisexual who surrounds herself with and gives shelter to former criminals, foreigners, and people in need of a home while asking for little in return - they see their local pastor, or some other religious leader/person, who’ve done them wrong, and thus Rhea hates gay people, she hates POC, she’s a zealot and unreasonable and she’s this terrible person with no redeeming qualities. And this isn’t me arm-chair psychology-ing these people - they poke fun at themselves about how much they let their personal experiences cloud their judgement of the game and its characters with bingo cards for liking Edelgard having “raised with religion” be one of the slots and things like that. 

And really, why else would “religious institution led by white-presenting race of people” be automatically turned into “racist, homophobic, misogynistic, and violent to any who aren’t their religion” when 1) one of the main characters - the one calling Rhea racist - himself eventually says that racial diversity fits well and snug in the Seiros faith, 2) not only is the leader and founder of the religion a bisexual woman, but no one says anything about having their love be confined to one specific gender anywhere, with heavily coded LGBT relationships like Shamir+Catherine and Dorothea+Petra being just as LGBT coded in SS - where Rhea can potentially come back as archbishop - as anywhere else - hell, when one of the most devout followers of Rhea clearly is romantically interested in her and faces no repercussions or consequences for openly being so despite being female herself, and 3) the Church only ever uses violence when either called from the outside for help or forced to when outside forces try to attack them? Why are we hearing all of these awful things about the Church when it sometimes is never even implied? 

It’s in large part due to religion being such a sensitive part of people’s lives that they are unable to disconnect their personal experiences with religion with the fictional religion the media they’re interacting with provides them. Rhea, as a devout religious leader, especially with how genuinely morally gray she is, was never going to land well over here in the west, double especially to an audience of people that very clearly are already inclined to ignore pieces of the game’s story, lore, plot, and character interactions to fit their own preferred version of what’s happening. Triple fuckin’ wombo-combo especially since the game itself fails to do Rhea any favors until the literal last second of two out of four routes and only shove in her directly admitting she was wrong in her actions in the hardest support chain to build up in the entire game, and even then only at the last part of it. Poor girly didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell

[we-are-indeed-villains]

Some things I wish I had known before getting sucked into the whole “dark academia” business:

I waited a very long time to start posting here because It just seemed necessary to wait a bit since DA exploded out of nowhere last year. I just couldn’t bring myself to write when I was so disgusted with the community. Now that it seems like we are out of fashion again (lol) I decided it could be worth giving this blog a try.

Also, almost everything I say here goes for pretty much any change in lifestyle, and these are just some general guidelines that I find particularly easy to follow, but do what works best for you!

1 - You DON’T have to spend all of your money to fit into this “aesthetic”.

The biggest problem with what is now called dark academia (but really, it has been a thing for such a long time) is that people put it in the same category as, for instance, VSCO girls or Indie (not that there is any problem with these aesthetics in specific, they are actually quite cute!). I know this sounds like rubbish, but DA really is a little bit more than that. The clothing/visual part of it may be important to some, but the way you choose to live your life and the hobbies you opt to engage with are crucial for everyone!

That being said, don’t spend a ridiculous amount of money on expensive linen shirts and fancy blazers. You don’t need a brand new pair of Oxfords or a 100% leather messenger bag to consider yourself DA. Start small, then make investments if you find it to be worth it. That brings us to our second point:

2 - Find your favourite aspect of the community.

I know it can be very overwhelming to adhere to any new style of living, but there are some easier ways to make a smoother transition (also, you don’t really want everyone to notice that you went from water to wine in one week, and then back to water after two more because you felt lost amidst all of those weird nerds you found on Tumblr, right?).

Begin with figuring out what part of the lifestyle you identify with the most. Is it the musical part? Classical dance? Are you into poetry? Books? History?

Once you have that done (I plan on doing posts on all of those topics and more, so stay tuned!), narrow it down until you find the very core of your interest. For example, I absolutely love literature, but what do I love about it? Is it the writing part? The reading part? Both? Do I have a favourite style? If the answer for the previous question is ‘no’, try to find one! There are so many amazing styles and eras to explore!

After determining what is/are your main interests, make sure to find time to fit them into your life. Buy more books, if possible. There are also public libraries with a great variety of literature to choose from! If you already do that, I encourage you to try getting out of your comfort zone and attempting something new. Why not experiment reading a different style of books? Or maybe getting into the more poetic part of literature?

3 - Get into it!

Have you found your main interest? Great! Now it may be time to actually get into the fashion aspect of the whole thing. Also, remember that, although it is not a requirement per say, being academically successful is something you may want to achieve, so put some effort into that as well.

I won’t get too much into the fashion rabbithole, but I may write something about it later. In the meantime, you can definitely find some great guides on different DA related blogs.

4 - Don’t adhere to all the negative habits that DA romanticizes.

We all know that mental illness and self destructive behaviors are heavily romanticised, and I will say this from the bottom of my heart: DO NOT LET YOUR MENTAL HEALTH SLIP BECAUSE OF SOME 15 YEAR OLD ON TUMBLR! Trust me, it is NOT worth it.

Cigarettes, alcohol, coffee, all-nighters, heavier drugs. All of that may seem cool and edgy from the outside (why people think that, I could not tell you), but it can also defeat the main purpose of DA and, even worse, ruin your physical and mental health for good. How are you going to stay ahead in school and go to Oxford if you are too busy partying and snorting coke? You will get a sore nose and a big hole in your pocket, that’s all.

Nihilism is another one. Note that I said “nihilism”, not "existentialism" (more on that coming in the future). If you enjoy pondering the reason for human existence and you question the religious beliefs that control our society, welcome to the club! But please, please, don’t let that get too much in your head. Existential depression is a very painful and difficult thing to deal with. It will take away any joy you may find and it is not in any way productive. If you have it, you will know what I mean. Thinking about it sometimes, writing poems, debating with friends, that’s all good, even encouraged, but don’t let it go to your head and become a problem. Not worth it.

Some extra things I would like to mention:

1 - Don’t force yourself into doing or enjoying anything. Sure, reading is good, but if it isn’t enjoyable there is no reason to become obsessed with it! DA should not be a burden.

2 - Stay away from the eurocentric ideals that come with the community. Racism is bad even if you want to live in the 1800s. There is simply no excuse to think that European culture is richer or more refined than any other. Remember that the only reason you think that is because some rich, old, white men decided to murder and opress millions of different people for pure egoism. Not really something to be proud of.

Also, if you are thinking “Yeah, whatever, but English culture is a lot nicer than Mexican, or Indian culture”, then you should probably reevaluate the reasons for your interest in DA.

3 - Don’t be mean to people just because you think it fits with your all-new pretentious and arrogant character. I don’t care if you want to be perceived as such, but it can be very bad in the long-run. Just be aware of that.

And most importantly, don’t let DA take away your personality! It’s okay to like video games and read gossip magazines every once in a while. It is also okay to be yourself. You don’t have to (and probably shouldn't) get rid of all the qualities that make you unique (yes, this is a cliche, but there is a reason why people say it all the time). Be silly, say dumb things and play minecraft with your friends all night, for godsakes!

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

(Hamlet - Polonius, act 1 scene 3)

-- Shakespeare, William

Memento Mori, dear villains.

[auco-archive]

    PLOTTING CALL.

    i know i just posted one for khoi but i’m going to actually get around to doing this for all of my active muses;  to continue on,  this plotting call is gonna be for hiền !  please check out his page here for more information about him.  he’s one of my more difficult muses so plotting is especially appreciated for writing with him!  as with the last one,  see the list below for some potential ideas to guide a relationship with this giant moon rabbit:

FRIENDS:   hiền honestly has... none.  and he’s not about to call his siblings his friends because that’s a bit sad now isn’t it?  while he would certainly benefit a great deal from having some sort of connection outside of his immediate circle,  it’s hard for him to make them.  lack of exposure hasn’t allowed him to practice his social skills regardless of how many humans he’s talked to in his lifetime.  he desperately.... desperately needs them.

PHARMACISTS / HEALERS:    it’s his main job now;  as the myth says,  sometimes when you look up at the moon,  you can see the rabbit toiling away at the mortar and pestle making medicines for hằng ngã and the humans that it protects.  meeting others with the same abilities isn’t something they really considered possible,  though he knows of human doctors and others of the sort,  they don’t feel real to him.

SCHOLARS:     he’s immersed himself in research these days,  both field and written and finds that it’s more interesting than he’d initially thought.  his ultimate goal is to find the key to immortality in order to create an elixir for hằng ngã to give her lover still trapped on earth to reunite the two on the moon.  those who might have insight as well as those with the same curiosity are welcome company.

MUSICIANS:     it’s more of a hobby that he’s picked up after slowly absorbing the culture from humans and bringing it back for his siblings to enjoy;  it’s barely anything,  but certainly a good launch point for a friendship to blossom.  after all,  it’s all that he has to relieve the stress after so many millennia. 

IMMORTALS / GODS:   hiền is a devout follower of the moon goddess and as such,  will do whatever possible to relieve her loneliness and find connections.  she’s also the only one of her kind that he knows  ( save for his siblings who are as immortal as he is )  and has had little exposure to the realities of how diverse they can be.  his only reference is of a benevolent woman who treats him and these little humans kindly,  but is certainly in for a rude awakening...

ENEMIES:  much like khoi,   it’s quite easy to get on hiền’s bad side;  he’s prickly and don’t do well with the unfamiliar unless it’s out of necessity which leads him to be a bit brusque upon first interaction.  he also has a strong moral code and follows it religiously due to how representative he is of his goddess and never wants to be in a situation where he’s sullied her image.

ROMANTIC INTERESTS:   among all of the ocs on this blog,   hiền is the one with the least experience in this department.  as i said above,  his only circle consists of his siblings and the moon goddess,  so the pickings are 0 up there.  he’s a very gentle person and loves softly but passionately;  he just needs a bit of guidance is all.

ANYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT THINK OF:    i’m happy to plot relationships that aren’t one of the above!!  these are just potential launchpoints!

[teddyfmd]

hello loves !! it’s mili here with my son, haewon theodore park, stage name teddy, main vocal extraordinaire of quantum 👏👏  for anyone who’s interested you can find his profile and plots page linked and of course there’s everything you need to know about teddy under the read more. please do give this post a ♡ if you’d like to plot and i’ll slide into your ims to do just that but until then !! have an amazing day !! and stan loona obv !!

run down of his bio (don’t read his actual bio trust me):

sydney born and raised, lived there for the majority of the school year with his mother and traveled to marseille, france to spend summers and long holidays with his father

fluent in both french and english

his mother is a theater actress so he’s spent his childhood following her around and watching her perform. she’s quite a strict person, wanted to raise haewon as a high achiever so she micromanaged his schedule for years until haewon got fed up with it and moved with his grandfather back in korea

got super interested in music after hearing a classmate practicing alone in the music room, he basically fell in love at the first sound lol. after that he joined the music club and, after spending a lot of time with that classmate, subsequently fell in love for Real for real. found out soon after that she had some health problems that made any future between them impossible so he just opted to never tell her about his feelings in the end

she convinced haewon to participate in dimensions’ audition together and lo and behold they both got in, though he was the only one who became a trainee and only because she managed to convince him

hateeed being a trainee 10/10 worst experience of his life but also not really, he’s just a bit dramatic sometimes. it actually helped him hone many of the skills he’d already acquired while under his mother’s reign of terror

he was pretty quiet while quantum debuted and in that subsequent period because his korean wasn’t necessarily fluent and he didn’t want to bring too much attention to it in the first place so the public thought he was the shy type but in actuality he is very social and likes to make new friends on the regular!

some facts:

knows how to sew (say thank you mama park who more or less forced him to stitch back her dresses before she went on stage)

fully thought quantum’s first win was an april fools joke before several members and the mc told him they ACTUALLY won like fr fr won and then he started crying

has an obsession with kdramas at this point but he mainly watches the slice of life ones and he regularly gives fans recommendations

because his stage name is teddy he gets a lot of teddy bears from fans and he lowkey loves that, he keeps them all on his bed or around his apartment when he runs out of room and regularly wears keychains and whatever teddy bear memorabilia he gets

is a big girl group fan and even if his dancing is just Okay™️ he will religiously learn girl group dances as they get released, sometimes practicing them more than quantum’s own songs rip

used to write songs when he was in hs and tbh most of them were love songs but he hasn’t written/composed anything in a while because he can’t bring himself to touch any instrument to work notes out and stuff, so he just walks around with a head full of ideas that he doesn’t do anything with 

is a lightweight but he likes to drink way too much which in all honesty is a scandal waiting to happen

a voracious romance reader, has an old kindle with a bear case on it that contains at least 50 books, maybe more, that he carries around with him at every schedule

some plot ideas:

friends are always super wanted ofc but a super specific type i’d like haewon to have is a flirty kind of friendship, someone that he can’t help but flirt with whenever they have a coversation or see each other during schedules/hangouts. doesn’t have to be romantic in nature at all and all genders are super welcome! 

i would also love some kind of rivals plot but one sided? as in haewon sees this person as his rival in the vocal department and is doing his best to keep ahead of them by taking on more vocal intense projects and the other person being like “oh he’s such a hard worker! such a cool guy! keep it up!” like very clueless about haewon’s inner turmoil lol

also listen i would love a ship…tbh he’s been keeping away from love for a while now but he’s also a romantic at heart so i’d like to give him something to be happy about. we can work details and take it slow to see if they vibe but i’d just love him to be a little bit smitten with someone again 😭

[aesterea]

are the guardians your ocs! they seem really cool can we learn more about them?

they are, and thank you!! also, aren’t mary’s edits @thewinedarksea just some of the most gorgeous things you’ve ever seen? i am so deeply and ecstatically honored she’s doing this series for me 💙💙💙

the Guardians belong to the mythology i created for the fantasy world in my main project, the Arcane Elements Cycle. they are definitively not gods, but they come pretty damn close. historically, they were extremely powerful magicians who ruled the world a few thousand years ago. they are generally referred to by their English names, but i’m going to provide their titles in the language of the AEC world as well. a quick overview of the history:

the Enchantress (aka Ereshezania, Queen of Gold, or just Ezania, Golden) was the greatest magician to ever have lived, and she lived for a very long time. she was a warrior queen who united the entire world of AEC into an Empire that endures to this day. to help maintain this place, she personally selected twelve special magicians and appointed them as Guardians over specific things— not places, but aspects of life and living. the Guardians were insanely powerful beings, both in terms of magical ability and what they had the freedom to do with those abilities. their reign is remembered as the golden age of this world, but it was as much a time of terror as it was a time of glory, and for that reason, it ended in copious amounts of bloodshed. the Guardians did not simply fall, they were destroyed. for that reason, a lot of their history has been lost and much confusion has arisen as to who the actual legitimate twelve were, what they did, what they were really like, etc. there are countless legends, but it’s become difficult to discern what is true. i really enjoy playing with that!

the Wishkeeper was definitely one of the original twelve (fun fact: she was the first one i created). her name in their language, Whitje, translates to Wish. she presided over the Garden of Wishes, supposedly hidden in the sky, where she tended to flowers representing the hopes and dreams of people on earth. it was her duty to determine when someone had earned their wish and how that wish should be granted, if at all. she was the closest thing Ezania had to a successor, and she is the most prominent figure of folk lore in the AEC world. people tend to talk about her as if she’s still around (“don’t let the Wishkeeper hear you!”, “Whitje herself couldn’t make me happier/bring me down”, etc.), though very few people actually believe that. she’s associated with duty, fate, responsibility, and wisdom.

Night and Day alternated watching over the world. their Ezni names translate simply to Night-Carrier and Light-Carrier. Night was a gentle figure, kind, compassionate, and steady. Day was selfish, fickle, and casually, carelessly cruel. he is trust, she is betrayal. he is privacy and mystery, she is fame and celebrity. he is promises and intimacy, she is frenzy and festivity. he is the secret-keeper, she exposes everything. he is the Guardian of dedication and things that endure, she is the Guardian of bright and fleeting joys. i wrote this piece about Day years ago and it’s still one of my favorite things i have ever done. in my head, Day is always laughing. always baring her teeth. Night is hopelessly in love with her.

Mischief was a terror of a sorcerer who delighted in preying upon Ezania’s lower enemies, hunting and capturing and killing, and whatever other kinds of fun he wanted to have with them in between. his Ezni name is something like Deathly Shadow. he’s fun, but i don't actually have much to say about him except in relation to his lover, Beauty.

Beauty is one of my favorites. she is commonly thought of as the Guardian of love and lovely things— romance and affection and attraction and friendship and charm, flowers and perfumes and whatnot— but this is a misinterpretation. her name in the Ezni language translates to Ravisher. in her time, she was known to be phenomenally cruel. “love and lovely things” were indeed within her jurisdiction, but they were side pieces to her true focus, the extremes of human experiences. the original Guardian Beauty had more to do with pleasure and pain, terror and devotion, fury and euphoria, every form of sensation, and every overwhelming emotion, all to the brink of madness.

Beauty and Mischief made… quite a pair, as I’m sure you can imagine. They were friends of Delusion, who is probably my actual favorite. his Ezni name is close to Misleader, but Delusion actually suits him quite well. he had this carnival-type thing where he would lure in specific targets and then put them through hell and back to teach them some important lessons and transform them into new, supposedly “better” versions of themselves. you know, break them down so they can rebuild, become something stronger or smarter or wiser. Delusion is the Guardian of madness and everything beyond it. he is associated with dreams and illusions, trickery and manipulation, but also fun and games and play, personal growth and self-discovery. (side note: this is one of Mary’s coolest edits, she put a ton of work into finding pictures and recoloring them to get that purple congruency, and i am in such awe)

Mirage was called Mirja, which is actually pretty close. Mirror may be slightly more accurate. she was a lifelong martyr, a little in love with her own destruction. a devotee, a worshipper, a willing victim to the others. she was probably not a true Guardian but rather a servant. i repeat that the Guardians were not gods, but her reverence of them was very religious. she believed she was serving humanity at large by serving them. she’s mainly associated with sacrifice and service, but also devotion and peace/patience in the midst of suffering. if Delusion represents a person’s breaking point, Mirage is the acceptance that comes after.

Deepwater (or, The Warning of the Deep) ruled the underwater world and was especially associated with the most dangerous places in the ocean. you know that feeling of dread and foreboding you get when learning about the horrors of the deep sea? that’s Deepwater. another name i’ve considered for her is Devastation. she was… not friendly. she would wreck ships that mildly annoyed her. she would just call it justice lol. The Drowned Princess was her captive lover, a young woman who called to her for help while drowning in her waters, and she answered by… not really saving her, but keeping her in a state of not-dead. Deepwater was extremely protective and possessive of her, and allowed her to visit land only once a year, and only a specific island where she was in the company of siren-like creatures ruled by Beauty.

there are many others, but we’ll end this with the Siren (i think this is one of the most beautiful moodboards i’ve ever seen). the Siren has existed in my head for a long, long time, but i only recently included her in the AEC world. she represents loss and grief (the water), and lostness, aloneness, and longing (singing), but also hope and imagination (stars). she is very, very dear to me.

[dragonflymage]

I went hunting around online for a list of values to choose from to elaborate on. Many lists only have single words like Amusement and Focus, which seems too vague and tells me nothing. I have longer descriptions in my head. So I suppose I’ll just work from scratch.

I ended up choosing several from an online list and included my own short definitions and reasons why they are important to me. These are Values that I have wanted in my life, guide me, and those that are important in my environment.

I apologize if some of my personal definitions don’t match up with whatever these Values may ‘normally’ mean. This is what they mean to me. 😅

I ended up choosing over 50 so I grouped them together by similarity.

Acceptance, Connection, Harmony, Meaning, Purpose, Truth - Represents some of what is important to me in relation to my entire life.

Acceptance of self and my flaws.

Making connections and understanding how and why I exist in the universe.

Harmony with energy, harmony with others.

What does it all mean?

What is my purpose for being? What is your purpose for being?

Will we ever learn the truth? Is there even a truth to learn?

Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Exploration, Growth, Inquisitive - Represents how I interact with the universe as a seeker.

Awareness is part of my internal search. Must keep aware of the changes and what they mean.

Curiosity is my favorite way to learn and grow.

There are so many new discoveries to unfold.

Exploration and seeking help with finding the discoveries.

Growth is an important reason for living. There is no life in stagnation.

Always remain inquisitive!

Knowledge, Learning, Skillfulness - The drive to know more. This works well with the above Awareness grouping.

Knowledge and the pull to have the answers to questions. Only, the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know.

Learning all that we can so that we can understand. This is an important goal for many, myself included. Not so that I have the knowledge, but so I can make sense of the blank spaces and gaps in my journey as a seeker.

Skillfulness comes from Learning and Knowledge. With these learned skills, we can help others along their journey.

Accountability, Patience, Sincerity - Represents what I admire in others, and strive for in myself.

I admire people who are accountable for their actions and behave responsibly for their choices. Good and bad.

Patience is truly an admirable trait. What’s the rush?

Genuine sincerity has become such a rarity. So beautiful to encounter.

Calm, Comfort, Enjoyment, Fun, Peace, Playfulness, Solitude, Tranquility - These are important in my environment.

Calmness is a major one due to the anxiety that I deal with.

Comfort, as in no uncomfortable sensations to my eyes, ears, and nose. Makes it easier to focus without discomfort.

I try to find at least one thing I enjoy every day.

If there is no fun in all that we do, why are we doing it?

Peace is important in relationships, as well as the environment.

Playfulness should never be removed from life! Helps to keep negativity away.

Solitude is a must, especially as an Introvert.

The same with tranquility, which is so energizing!

Careful, Common sense, Foresight, Insightful, Intelligence, Intuitive, Reflective, Serenity - These are important for safety and dealing with the harshness of society and people of the world.

We must always be careful. It isn’t paranoid to be aware of your environment.

If only more people would use common sense. Maybe it isn’t a natural trait?

Foresight involves common sense to loosely predict a potential situation. A good way to prevent society’s nonsense.

Insight is similar to foresight but on a quieter scale, relying on personal lessons and experience to interpret situations.

Intelligence is just necessary for life.

Intuitive is also similar to Foresight. It’s good to be prepared for whatever comes your way.

Reflective works well with Insight. Reflection on the universe, finding ways to piece everything together.

Serenity, similar to Tranquility, is important for the sake of the mind. It’s a feeling of mental peace.

Compassion, Empathy, Fairness, Kindness, Support, Thoughtful, Understanding - These are important in relationships and when interacting with other people.

Compassion should be one of the most important ways we interact. If we have no compassion for others, how can we expect to be deserving of compassion ourselves?

Empathy is also important in our interactions. Without it, we can never truly understand how our treatment of others can be helpful or harmful.

Fairness could be considered common sense, but as I mentioned above, it doesn’t seem to be a universal trait. I know most people see Fairness as meaning ‘being impartial and equal to everyone’. But I honestly believe it’s fair to treat bullies and harmful people in ways that make them accountable for their behavior. Fair enough.

Support is part of creating healthy relationships with those around us. It is another way we grow together as a community.

Thoughtfulness is sadly not a common value or trait on this world. Many people I have encountered out in society consider how everything benefits themselves first. I have seen this most often with parents who complain in mean ways about their own children. 😔

Understanding is ultimately what is necessary so the above fall into place. Understanding of self, understanding of others, and how we all fit together.

Creation, Creativity, Expressive, Imagination, Individuality, Openness, Originality, Uniqueness, Wonder - This group is important in showing our souls to the world.

What is more beautiful than creation? We can do this every day whenever we tug a piece of our soul and bring it to the outside.

Creativity, like Creation, is like a tiny whisper from the Universe. Art, music, stories… it is oneness.

Being expressive is another way to translate the inner into the outer. Such as with metaphors and poetry.

Imagination is probably one of my favorite of all values. It brings magic into our lives!

Individuality is also a must so we aren’t all identical. It is possible to be unique and find harmony within it.

Remaining Open to the limitless possibilities keeps us alive, unlike a closed mind which is unable to grow.

Originality is like Individuality. This involves discovering your true self and letting it bloom.

Uniqueness, again like Originality and Individuality. This keeps us from being like everyone else.

Wonder is important so we aren’t taking our lives and our environment for granted.

Feelings, Love, Passion, Sensitivity, Spirit - Emotions are like my oxygen, which I need to survive.

Feelings - I have them, you have them. The way we learn from feelings is by letting them expand so we can study them from all angles and grow from the knowledge they share.

Love also goes along with my Compassion grouping. Love of self, love of others… there are so many different kinds of love, both gentle and striking. Another way our souls speak to us.

Passion is the drive that inspires us to do what we do. It is the lit flame that burns and keeps us going, even when others may have given up. It fuels our creations, our relationships, and the internal search for “why”.

Sensitivity is what helps with empathy and makes us aware of the subtle shifts in the people and situations around us.

Spirit to me is our personal internal interpretation of ‘just what is the universe?’ Be it a religious answer, a logical answer, or the acceptance of the answer that maybe we are just too young a species to know or understand quite yet.

That was a peek into some of my values. There are probably many still missing (since I only chose from a list I found on a website). I’m not sure if I also included beliefs here, but perhaps some time in a different answer. 💗

(Here’s a link to the page where I selected the values from: Core Values List: Over 200 Personal Values to Live By Today)

Thanks for the question! 😊