#not to be dramatic but I'm depressed
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you ever just have an idea you want to write but someone has literally done the same thing before so you are just here like. guess I'll die then
#ambie.txt#not to be dramatic but I'm depressed#I finally got actually excited about writing this thing but found out that oops someone else is writing the same thing too#and yeah yeah originality is dead and writing about the same themes and dynamics but with your own style is a thing#but like where is the line. I never understood this shit and idk when it's just same thing but different flavour#and when it's plagiarism cause nobody fucking explains that ever#so I'm just like. idk#everything has been written already literature is dead there's no point everyone has done this before me I waited too long to be a writer#and now even when I write sth ppl are gonna be like boo we have a story like that before#and nooo we don't care you thought of it independently someone else has done it beforehand and you are just a cheat blablaa#except I love to write and I am a write but I'm a failed writer cause I have nothing original to give#so I'm gonna deal with that like an adult and by that I mean cry about it
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Just had a thought, it's completely half-baked: So, um, NoME I think, said that there totally could be hröar without any fëar running around, right? Translating: there could be moving bodies with no souls/occupants left.
Zombies. Middle Earth has zombies.
And when would be a better time for zombies to roam around than after Nirnaeth Arnoediad? Even more after Second and Third Kinslaying. You know who would have a perfect opportunity to fight zombies to the point of habit? Fëanorians.
So I imagined the situation where Maedhros and Maglor fight some zombies, successfully turning them into parts (I mean, duh). Then Maedhros says something self-hating like "Surely there's more good to them than was left of us(me) as it hunts and hurts without consent, intent nor will, unlike us(me)."
And Maglor looks at him, then at the zombie's head he holds. He reaps the skull open (with his hands, yes), takes zombies' brain out, and throws it at Maedhros with "We also have an evidence he had a brain, unlike some brother of mine."
Cue Medhros releasing the MOST Older Brother Sigh.
#silmarillion#silm#maedhros#maglor#zombies!#maglor later writing in his diary: “Dear Diary today Meadhros told me I'm dramatic I am NOT DRAMATIC I was illustrating a VALID point”#anyway Maedhros sighed at his antics#Maglor - 1 Meadhros' Severe Depression and Self-Hate - 0#bonus scene:#'way into Fourth Age in Valinor with everyone returned/reborn'#Mae: Hey remember how you threw zombie brain at me#Mags: which time#Mae: when you said there's visual evidence for it's existence unlike with our brains#Mags: YOUR brain. And you know. There's still no evidence#Mae: You will not open my freshly remade skull to check for brain you moron#Mags: You ate my dessert i left for later BITCH I MIGHT#cue Elrond's sighing#Maglor still claims he's Not Dramatic
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orufrey
#witch hat tag#orufrey#art from before a depression hiatus never looks like my art any more. a different time...#i was going to return with dramatic angsty crying in the rain qifrey but i'm back because i feel a bit better so i dont want to now.#life is mysterious is it not
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Maybe a hot take, but I don't think the Traveler was being inconsistent or out of character in the last archon quest at all. People are getting upset at their reaction to Lyney and Lynette's behavior from the perspective of players, with meta knowledge of the story that the Traveler, the character, doesn't have.
The players know, for example, that because they're playable characters, Lyney and Lynette are ultimately friendly and on "our" side, and we can also trust that what they told us about their backstory is true. The Traveler does not have that knowledge.
TO BE CLEAR this post is talking about my thoughts on the TRAVELER'S thought process. If we want to talk about how I personally would have reacted to the situation, I'm an overly trusting bleeding-heart who would absolutely get scammed and probably murdered by Fatui in this universe.
(Also characters, even main characters who you normally like, can do things you disagree with and that doesn't mean they're badly written. I mean, sometimes they are, but I don't think that's true in this particular case)
But think about it! Looking at the entire situation from an in-universe, in-character POV, it's a really bad look for Lyney and Lynette overall, because here are the facts as the Traveler is aware of them:
Lyney and Lynette are not only members of the Fatui, the primary antagonistic force in this story, but are specifically members of the House of the Hearth, which is known to specialize in espionage, subterfuge, and sabotage.
Both of them also work in a field that would further require them to be masters of misdirection, audience manipulation, and drama.
They "coincidentally" ran into the Traveler right as they arrived in Fontaine and immediately began to do them favors and be very friendly, including saving them from Furina, bringing them to meet their family, and gifting them VIP tickets to Lyney's show.
During the trial, the twins withheld key information, and not just about their identities (and listen, I get it, I fully empathize with why they did it, I get the reasoning, but it's still a bad look when it gets figured out) but also about what they were doing in the tunnel.
They admitted that the entire magic show was a ruse to do, guess what? espionage! To break into the room with the Oratrice's core and find out how it works. To, through subterfuge, obtain Fontaine's secrets about the nation's most important mechanism and central source of power.
The Traveler has known these people for like, a day total.
So what conclusions might the Traveler draw from these facts? When the evidence shows that Lyney and Lynette have a record of misdirection and obfuscation for their own ends? When the Traveler has no way of knowing if even their initial meeting was orchestrated for an ulterior purpose? How are they supposed to know if the tragic backstory is even true, or if that's just Lyney trying to win back some favor and sympathy? In my opinion, at that moment, they don't. Hence the coldness.
My interpretation of events is that the Traveler does like the twins, and wanted to keep liking them, but was struggling to reconcile their initial impression of two friendly magicians with the realization that these two friendly magicians were dishonest with them for most of the time they'd known each other, so they needed to have some space to figure that out.
And for those saying the Traveler is inconsistent, here's the thing: they still helped Lyney. They still acted as his attorney, investigated thoroughly, won the case, and cleared his name. They've done similar for other Fatui members in their acquaintance—they helped Childe with Teucer, they helped Scaramouche/Wanderer with getting his memories back, they helped that other member of the House of the Hearth fake her death and escape the organization—whether or not they fully trusted them, and generally they didn't.
As for the Traveler's supposed hypocrisy, my view of their relationship with Childe is that it's only improved because, despite Childe trying to nuke Liyue in the past, the Traveler knows that
a. They can handle him if it comes down to a fight again; b. He likes them, regardless of if the feeling is mutual or not, and is indeed aggressively friendly to the point where it's easier to just be civil; c. Childe is generally upfront and honest about his actions and will strike from the front, not stab them in the back; and d. He's worked together with them before when they had a common goal (for example, the labyrinth they went through with Xinyan).
They know how his mind works and what motivates him. Childe is a known quantity, the twins are not, and it took in-story time and shared experiences for the Traveler to get to even this point of neutrality; they were openly suspicious of him during his story quest.
As for holding his Vision for him, the Traveler didn't exactly volunteer for the job, Childe literally threw it at them with no warning and peaced out. What do you expect them to do, drop it in the sea? That would be inconsistent with their characterization.
Wanderer's whole situation is even weirder, since the Traveler was able to experience his actual memories and emotions and therefore has good reason to trust that he's had a genuine change of heart. Not to mention that they're not friends, I'd argue they're in that same nebulous "neutral" zone, and that only because Nahida usually functions as a buffer (and also because, again, the Traveler knows that they can handle Wanderer in a fight, and Wanderer also tends to be blunt and honest).
Also, in Lyney's story quest it seems like everyone got over their problems pretty fast and they're all chummy now, so you can all rest easy that the twins' feelings weren't too hurt about it.
Anyways if you disagree go ham, refute my points, whatever, just keep things civil.
#is there a designated spoiler tag idk#genshin impact#4.0 spoilers#hi non genshin-liking friends i promise i won't be doing this regularly#i just like to think about character relationships#ace attorney ass quest#genuinely rather disappointed that there was no... tension between them in lyney's story quest. like at all#the last time y'all saw each other was dramatic and depressing right after his murder trial and now you're just pals 'n' buddies#and maybe more considering how heavily they imply that lyney is flirting with the traveler#maybe they'll touch on it (the Drama) in the next archon quest#now that would be inconsistent writing with the story quest but whatever#i read comics i'm used to it#shadowboxtalks#speaking of the story quest i said out loud at several points 'oh yeah you're definitely a fatuus'#all that about not forgetting debts#and 'oh yeah you're definitely from the house of the hearth'#sneaky little shits (affectionate)
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I don't want to grow up
#i'm just a girl#im being dramatic#just girly things#so dramatic#just girly thoughts#hell is a teenage girl#im just a girl#mild vent#vent#just girly posts#girly post#girly things#girly stuff#girly#girl problems#girlhood#girl blogger#girl core#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#girlblogger#girlblogging#girlrotting#this is a girlblog#pinterest girl#this is what makes us girls#whisper girl#daddy's good girl#girly problems#tw depressing thoughts#alone with my thoughts
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I need a bottle of Nace essence, because every time I see this gorgeous man again, life is right again
#nace jordan#marry me please#gorgeous man#almost every photo and video I took was bad#but this one healed every problem I ever encountered in my life#is it clear I'm in my dramatic after concert depression?#joker out#joker out utrecht
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i will never stop talking about this because it's genuinely hurt me in a way i didn't think was possible, but ppl saying "he wanted to go!!! he was suicidal so his death was satisfying!!"
is that...is that how you treat your suicidal characters? 'well they want to die so its fine' do you realise how heartbreaking that is, especially for someone who has been suicidal/is still struggling with it, to see a character who suffered so much and genuinely wanted to die, not be given the chance to heal and grow old?? sorry for wanting to see someone with a suicidal mindset move past that and live a long happy life. fuck me i guess
#not to be dramatic but#i think this might have sent me into another depressive episode#if we get a season 3 i'm genuinely debating watching#izzy hands#our flag means death#ofmd#ofmd spoilers#ofmd s2
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#I can't believe my computer broke just a couple of days before the new chapter came out.#Not to be dramatic or anything but this was my last straw#It means everything to me 😭😭😭 My puter has my whole life in in. And endless resources of everything#That's why people tell you to backup stuff 🤦🤦🤦#Okay before I get too dramatic it's not gone like I can turn it on just fine.#Except there's no cursor to be found anywhere and I can't find a way to fix it#(Yeah it's not the f4 key I've tried that. Repeatedly)#So since there's no way to turn the puter off without mouse I had to kill it the hard way 4-5 times today#(aka every time I tried turning it on again in hope everything got fixed on its own)#And when I turned it on again five minutes ago. IT DIDN'T START NORMALLY. AND IT ASKED THE SYSTEM LANGUAGE AND STUFF#I lost like. Half my lifespan. I was terrified it got formatted out of nowhere and I had lost everything#It didn't. It seemingly is fine (from what I can see from my desktop).#But man I really didn't need this kind of stress on top of average exams depression#Idk what to do... I want to go to the guy in my dorm who studies computer science but it'd be the third time I ask him for help–#and I'm a little embarrassed now. Asking for help sucks in general#But I don't have money to pay consultation...#I think there is a chance my touchpad just worn out since. Like. I use my computer extensively#But even that seems a little excessive? Not even the buttons work. I've only had this computer for three or four years...#Anyways I don't have a physical mouse. And I can't spend money to buy it when there's a chance that wouldn't fix the problem. Ughhhhhhhhhh#random rambles#If I stop posting in the next days. It's simply because I can't 😭😭😭#Goodbye people please keep posting ss kk for me
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kfos s1 especially was so worth living for oml what a time to be alive
#i'm being dramatic but i remember starting that book after wallowing in my kcd finale depression and being absolutely GOOPED#romance club#kali: flame of samsara#mir's musings 💬
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#queen maeve#annie january#starlight#the boys#i'm on my s3 Maeve rewatch now#and I love this scene so much I needed it here#so#i love my dramatic depressed fave#and her cute dimples#i didn't need a confirmation in canon but i looove that we got one#maeve#annie#my gifs
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It is extremely difficult to design modern outfits for Alfonse though idk what it is. Sharena will look good in anything from flannel docs lesbian outfit to cute overalls to something sporty to high femme dresses (tbh I still wanna draw her in one of my fave old dresses ..) but Alfonse. There are def a few routes you can take keeping his character/personality in mind and I think they look good/are super cute and make sense but like... esp for me personally, thinking of the v specific way I draw/stylize him...
AH. MAYBE. MAYBE I FIGURED IT OUT BC I HAVE NO PROBLEM DESIGNING OUTFITS FOR HIM IN FEH CONTEXT...... it's cause that bitch is always wearing tights and long shirts that (esp depending on how you draw it) border on being dress-like to straight up robes/skirt-like garments WHICH makes sense for him in universe bc that's p standard wear for men in Askr, in the Order of Heroes specifically. Like
Seliph's resplendent stands out to me as a huge example of this, and you can kinda see it in Corrin's too! Though I do think resplendents often take a lot from the chara's base outfit (both standard and resplendent Seliph having tunics, both Corrins having leggings ect). But speaking of Corrin, espp the lengthening of that bit of fabric at Corrin's hip, looks a lot like Gustav's garments!
Who may be a better measure for men's dress in Askr (normal attire, for a king anyway, and a cultural festival outfit). But I do also think you can glean some details off of resplendent designs too!
Also actually.
This Day of the Life comic that acknowledged Sharena's absence from the DoD banner (BITE BITE KILL KILL SO MUCH HATRED IN THE WORLD‼️‼️‼️) implies that their outfits may have been identical, just in their respective signature colors (blue and pink). And even looking at Alfonse and Sharena's base art, they have a lot in common!
And looking at Seliph and Corrin again, the puffy sleeves seen on Sharena and Henriette aren't necessarily gendered traits. ACTUALLY.... GUSTAV HAS THEM TOO! Alfonse's outfit is an outlier sleeve design wise!
Which is to say, there aren't actually a lot of strict gender differences in attire here. A lot of the clothing looks/feels androgynous esp when viewed through a modern lense (like I'm sure there's a lot of real-world historical inspo that goes into the designs, I just know fuck all about that LMFAO 😅). And esppp the way I've come to draw Alfonse a lot, I do emphasize what reads as femme -- giving him longer shirts, simplifying the strappy armor on his thighs into. Over the knee socks. Over the leggings/tights. 🫣 And that's not even getting into the knee high boots and heels!!!!
WHICH IS. Actually SO FUCKING DIFFICULT. To translate into modern fashion esp typical standard men's fashion, in a way that still feels true to him as well... bc I do believe in femme/androgynous Alfonse supremacy 😤 But he is ALSO. SO IMPORTANTLY. He is VERY MUCH just some guy who is heavily defined by the role he's been put in. Which is also kind of difficult to sort out, what Would he wear, if the standards were completely different and also if he was choosing for himself?
SINCE. I'M CERTAIN idk if I wanna dig for it but -- I'm CERTAIN all his outfits have been picked For him to some degree. The Order of Heroes outfit is a uniform, the bunny outfit is implied/stated to be picked by Sharena. The yukatas in their duo are 1) Hoshidan and 2) I think Anna was the one who picked them? Might be wrong on that, but I do feel like there's a castle dialogue about it. And of course, the DoD outfits are implied to be cultural Askran wear, and going back to that comic -- it seems neither Alfonse OR Sharena have much of a say in what it looks like (her being uncomfortable "showing that much leg" -- that, if given a choice, she may have wanted something more modest).
So like. There is. So much going on here actually.
#fire emblem#sorry for being autistic about alfonse fire emblem. it will happen again. and again. and againm and again and#I WILL SAY ONE THING! it actually is SO much easier to design pokemon universe outfits for him than strictly any modern outfit#the men are allowed to be cuntier in pokemon world. i can put him in white tight pants and boots and a sweater#and no one would bat an eye.#i think i do gravitate towards sweaters for him... maybe turtlenecks.... still it is so difficult.#the funniest thing you can do w modern alfonse though is put him in a hoodie and make him slightly disheveled#and make it SO FUCKING CLEAR. that he is severely distraught and depressed that his boyfriend dumped him#and his boycrush isn't speaking to him.#literally just make him a dramatic depressed faggot <- (SAID W LOVE AS A TRANSFAG MYSELF.)#BUT ALSO. EVEN THOUGH that's said all cheeky like. i think for me it is also so important to put queer elements in him too#like he NEEDS to be giving queer man raised in a strict gender-norm heavy environment#who's like. comfortable in his queerness at this point but by god. did i have to go through all of that. dear lord.#anwyays i'm insane about him. don't worry about it 👍#fe alfonse
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I seem to be always searching for something to lose myself in completely. … It's like we say in seminary - beyond measure.
~
I have loved you my whole life. I've never loved anyone but you. You were my great, consuming love. And most people don't get one of those. I did. I have no regrets.
~
He was the man I loved.
Timothy David Laughlin and Hawkins Zebediah Fuller warming and breaking my heart for the entirety of FELLOW TRAVELERS.
#i feel so dramatic about this show and sorry but it just feels real and personal and hurts so much#I'm so grateful it exists#but holy shit i gotta get some silly funny comedy laughs in my depressed brain#meanwhile i rewatched ep 1 and thinking about reading the book sometime#if anyone reads this- have u read the book and watched the show and what did you think?#fellow travelers#tim laughlin#hawk fuller#mypost#jonathan bailey#matt bomer#hawkins fuller#jonny bailey#beyond measure#consuming love
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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My biggest fear is my parents secretly thinking I'm ugly
#i'm just a girl#im being dramatic#so dramatic#just girly things#im just a girl#just girly thoughts#hell is a teenage girl#mild vent#vent#sad thoughts#it's okay though#tw depressing thoughts#alone with my thoughts#thoughts#girly post#girly things#girly stuff#girly#just girly posts#girlhood#girl problems#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#girlblogger#girlblogging#girlrotting#whisper girl#this is what makes us girls#depressing life#tw depressing stuff#sorry for being depressing
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I hate being the kind of tired that makes you want to go to sleep, but also want to put it off as long as possible because as soon as you do, Tomorrow Will Be Here
#i am so burnt out right now#and it Does Not Help that i'm literally one screw-up away from losing this job#it's gonna get BUSY halfway through August and it's not gonna stop until January#i can't help but feel that it's only a matter of time y'know?#not to be dramatic but it's a sword of damocles kinda situation#or maybe that's just the depression talking
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if it was like 5-6 years ago btw and tsams existed at the time, little me would have taken today's thumbnail and slapped some text on it like "repost... if yuo have a dark side 💔😰" and maybe put a black and white filter over it and i woulda thought it was hot shit
#xero says things#SORRYYYAGAHAHAHAHA#NOT TRASHING THE ART I'M JUST SAYING IT REMINDS ME A LOT OF THAT PHASE I HAD WHEN I WAS LITTLE LMAO#like. you guys know those dramatic drawings of anime characters sobbing and looking all depressed?#i've genuinely seen so many of those because when i was 12 i would like and repost those images constantly HSJDBSJDN#so i recognize that vibe . it is stained on my soul you see HXKSNDK#tsams
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