#not the worst place to stop lol
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Helloo Sherlock & Co fandom, this is the only time I'm contributing anything I think lol. I love Joe he's my favorite character and I'll definitely never hear from him again but it's okay I'll keep his spirit alive through the power of not shutting the hell up about him
and uhh I'll put my art I've done under a cut so this post isn't too annoying to scroll past lol
#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#jonklock#john watson#sherlock holmes#joe mason#shoscombe old place#sherlock & co podcast#sherlock & co fanart#i love john and he WILL use a cane because i do and I said he does lol#Like he's already got the leg injury what's a little#what's a little cane gonna do ? :3#Also I imagine joe to have a silly hat like that but also I don't feel like drawing it so that's why I only drew him wearing it once#honestly my first drawing of him was the worst one but it's okay i still like them#i know that like these are pretty stiff but art's been hard lately so frankly i don't care#also sherlock is biracial black and white just like me because who is going to stop me !!!!#i make my own representation i don't care !!! /silly#side note i know i got john's age wrong#that was actually an estimate !! before i heard him say he's 34 !!#pretty silly huh ?
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me trying to hype myself up to posting online again despite The Horror
#so turned out taking a break was both needed and the worst thing I could have done#having Anything to do day to day was the one thing keeping my brain from engaging nuclear meltdown lol#was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again#but uhh no need to explain the flaws in that logic lmao#still stuck in the same place with no where else to go#and like#the more I learn about the scale of history the more I understand that relief won't really come until long after I've died#not at a scale needing to overcome the sheer ocean of grief and blood my country is built on and continues to feed year by year#have to live with it now somehow#its not liberating to acknowledge#but there's no such thing as miracles so I guess I'll stop hoping for better#that kind of thing has to be built by hand#really feelin that pingu rn#anyway time to stop whining I gotta start planning to post art or something#might need a second blog for my other non-nature-y artwork#trying to figure out how to make things manageable#maybe will make something silly just to break the ice#rompopolo calls
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finished hera & started lady macbeth and we have got to start blaming women for shit again for real
#this is a joke. but.#if i have to read one more retelling~ that’s just#‘but what if the woman was ASSAULTED ALL THE TIME and had NO AGENCY so everything bad she did was JUSTIFIED or a LIE???’ please stop#when you’re actively taking agency away from women written and portrayed in deeply patriachal cultures you’re not giving them a voice#youre taking the voice they had away.#women worked around and within the patriarchy while having feelings and ambitions and wants and dreams and flaws and virtues forever.#without the necessity of ‘but what if the MAN in her life was just SUPER EVIL and NOT NUANCED and she was just ASSAULTED’#what if no women wanted anything but SAFETY ever what if they were never power hungry or jealous or predatory ever themselves?#yes circe did this too if i have to see one more person say ‘oh except circe’ i will scream.#circe is literally like. the worst offender here.#pivoting back though sorry but it also all feels very bioessentialist PRESUMABLY without meaning to but ‘oh men are just inherently evil#with no nuance. nuance is for women and by nuance we mean was just super oppressed and wronged’ is uh haha actually terfy as fuck#good ol lady macunsexmeherebeth who definitely didn’t plot the whole thing to begin with for sure needs to be Given a Voice#i haven’t finished this one yet btw. i like this author’s work on the whole i just think this one is a swing and a miss because like.#this is not a woman who didn’t do anything and who didn’t have a voice.#if you want to show us her perspective in terms of her psychology and her inner workings and how she got to this place excellent wonderful#but not when the answer is just ‘but actually nothing was her fault ever!!!!!!’ like. lol let her want that crown for reasons that aren��t#my husband is abusive.#like oh my god.#same with hera you’re gonna go with the ONE tradition where she didn’t want to marry zeus#and all her rage is just about Injustice and the Patrairchy and not actual envy. okay.#she & zeus were an og most toxic couple of all time but they WERE in virtually all tradition a couple still who had times of reconciliation#and attachment.#like you know. actual toxic and abusive relationships do.#also it completely erased rhea who was actually the character whose story this more closely resembled#(warrior goddess with flop husband she finally schemes against)#instead she just. uh. went away oh no hera’s so afraid of being weak like mama she must break the cycle.#like okay this is the story you want to tell stop superimposing it on mythical entities from thousands of years ago then.#justice4rhea.#okay sorry. end rant.
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Saw someone say they're glad the show is ending after s3 so that Alex and Yassen will get a satisfying conclusion to their storyline and I'm just sitting here like
Bruh
Do you not know how Scorpia ends?????
#this is one of the WORST places to end it unless they DRASTICALLY changed the ending#which. maybe they did. who knows?#but SERIOUSLY#alex rider#alex rider tv#alex rider season 3#i saw that post days ago and i cant stop thinking about it lol#if they didnt change the ending (bc they assumed theyd get more seasons as you do)#the cliffhanger may just be WORSE than the one for l&co was#if ya know ya know
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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I will single-handedly manifest him wearing a skirt into reality even if it kills me
#käärijä#pls jere wear a skirt do it for me#then i will stop#drawing him in skirts/dresses is my happy place 😬🙈#lol i feel like world's worst jack of all trades master of none- artist with all the different kind of art styles i've been speedrunning#ever since obsession with drawing him began#my stuff#hamehelma
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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually
#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can#i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed#i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline#my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up#and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf#it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do#it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time#kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly#it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly#it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person#it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional#worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses#it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better#and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL
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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.
#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart#but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance#because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now#I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else#it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley#not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way#and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me#like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess#pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends#I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be#because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay#I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes#I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk#Lu rambles#sometimes I think I could write poetry#I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now#which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/
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my toxic trait is that if someone tries to orient me while giving directions with anything other than cardinal directions, I will straight up stop wherever I am to be like "I don't know WHOSE fucking left you're talking about. try again."
#apropos of nothing i just saw a post that made me think about it lol#I do passively know which direction is which moooost of the time#(not like. automatically. but I kinda remain oriented unless i wake up in the car or was reading in the car lol#or got off the subway at an underground stop and its super cloudy or night)#but oh my god left and right are so relative and it drives me nuts#the WORST THING is when Google maps isn't clear about which way on the road you're supposed to go when you start#and its like 'go toward x st' WHERE IS THAT. HELLO. if I'm at HOME thats fine but if I'm at a random place in the city? NO.#i will happily tell you which way is north but you gotta work with me here
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Annnnnnnnnnnnd I'm done! Met my self-imposed writing deadline with only 1/4 of the day left, phew.
Not 100% satisfied with the end, but there IS an end, and now I can agonize over editing.
Trying to decide if I achieved my goal of avoiding my dangerous habit of... shall we say, "soft boi-ifying" characters yes i know i complained about cinnamon rolling in the past, but this is a different issue, or if in my conscious effort to do so I ended up going too far in the opposite direction. Gonna mull it over a bit about one part in particular.
But by and large, the first big piece to resolving my writing issues puzzle is in place, aww yeah.
#other things i learned:#1) my worst weakness may be that i still am struggling with describing actions and any sense of place#2) the english language has a sore lack of words for smiling or laughing that don't sound too goofy#3) i like certain words or phrases way too much and use them without realizing it and have to stop myself sometimes lol#have to say that it's kind of freeing to like a ship that few people care about#feels like i can do whatever i want because who cares lol#not that it matters what anyone else thinks anyway as long as i had fun doing it#and despite all my weeks of making posts about how hard it is to get myself to write#i DID have fun writing it and i hope i can get myself to start a new project soon#h.text
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day one completely ouo)b✨ i can already see im about to learn a bunch but it helps that everyones pretty nice and helpful ! and i did a lot more than i was expecting bc i decided to push myself a bit more so WOOHOO FOR BEING COURAGEOUS
#snow speaks#work log#its so funny bc at first i was like 'omg this is gonan be the worst place ever im gonna die doing this'#but actually. ok i can do this#i think majority of it was just being discouraged the past several months so#admittedly i ammmmm very rusty on material BUT at least i have a good basis#do i treat myself? no lmao#i thought id just play observer today but eheh decided yknow what its better to just dunk yourself in than teeter so >:3#anyways so bc everyone was confused what to do w me they just let me go home and now i get to study adslfjh#its a transition phase once i get back into the feel then ill be chill and cruising B)#ill stop logging when i start getting busier im just trying to hype myself up LOL
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i wish i wasn’t depressed lol
#or whatever it is i am. it’s really making things hard. i feel like i suck except i don’t actually suck it’s just that i feel like i do and#feeling like i do actually makes me suck legitimately. so whatever#purrs#i don’t even know how to put it into words. im stuck in my life and if im not stuck im falling behind. i kinda got in trouble at work a#little bit for not staying on top of these 2 things and i feel so horrible abt it bc it was my idea to do it in the first place but i bit#off more than i can chew which is what i always seem to do. im falling behind or stuck in every possible aspect of my life rn it’s sooooo um#not great. and i feel insignificant and small constantly and anyway i have to worry about grad school LOL. pain#i don’t even know how to say it right like that’s how sad i am. i can’t even articulate it. im exhausted especially with myself.#i wish i could just snap my fingers and stop being miserable bc it makes everyone else around me miserable but i don’t know how to stop#like if you think about it i am kind of bad at my job. the worst possible thing for me to be. ermmmmmm 🤭
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bpd irrationality and paranoia does not mix with being high
#i almost cried and thought myself into a spiral#like im way better with rationalizing than i was like. 3 years ago#but i still have my moments where i cant reassure or calm myself down#so then i need assistance or i freak out#and then realize i was being dramatic and assuming the worst#this happened hours ago im fine now#but lol i didnt need to freak the fuck out in the first place#mars stop thinking everyone hates you challenge failed
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I didn't remember on the day, but March 3rd was Hallowrove's birthday! Happy 2 years of Fallen London to me, happy 2 ish years (give or take a couple Treacheries) of being in the Neath to them. I'm not really in the mood or schedule to be doing much art right now, but maybe I'll do something late if I get a good idea :)
#hallowrove tag#I am the worst for blorbo favouritism lol#i have no idea when Null's birthday is#some random Sunday i think#anyway. very weird for Hallowrove to have been in the same place this long#i think in their adult life the most years they've stayed in one town or one job is maybe three?? ambitiously.#probably more like two and a half#...if that#going to stop tagging before I discredit them further dhdhfh#it's a good thing though - means they're happier here than they've ever been
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visiting my mother. idk what i expected lol
#everyone is fucking dying from cancer now#(except for the one who should be lol my grandma's cancer is benign turns out.#worst person ever award goes to me as always but if someone should die it should be her. there. i said it.#they never should have tried to save her from that stroke)#anyway it's unfair af and my mom doesn't deserve this but again. im the worst person ever but i cant fucking deal with this#i cannot be someone's emotional support. least of all hers. when im in this mental state myself.#obv i should never ever have children. but if i do. id rather fucking kms than cry in front of them. never ever ever ever.#call me a heartless bitch ig but at this point i think ive really stopped caring#i wish this wasnt happening to us i wish i were never born or at the very least i wish i had any siblings#with whom i could share the responsibility. but i dont. im fucking alone man. completely and utterly alone in this.#its all on me and im not up to the task and i hate that its asked of me in the first place.#spoiled ungrateful little brat alert but i just cant. cant bring myself to do this cant bring myself to truly care i genuinely feel nothing#i cant bring myself to stop being selfish in this. who tf knows maybe i do have npd it would explain a lot lol
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thinking about when i was on a date with this guy (he was a major loser and a cheat anyway and a mormon who listened to imagine dragons) and he caught me totally check out this girls ass that walked by and i remember him thinkin it was so like crazy or funny or maybe he was even a little offended. i dont rly have a conclusion for this i just think its funny af every time i remember
#he also took me on a date to the place his gf was working while she was on her shift#and neither of us knew he was fuckin around with both of us#and she was one of those girls who got on the news for dressing up like a homeless person for halloween#but when i found out n told her she stayed with him lol#and thats not even why i stopped seeing him#we lost our virginity together and he cried after#then we did it again and he started ghosting me so i made him tell me what his deal was to my face#just spewed religious shit at me#and he was a ginger#i was so down bad#i just thought a loser virgin would be a nice guy#so wrong#i hope i see him some day so i can beat his ass cuz i dont think hes ever gotten his shit rocked n he needs it#also just to be clear i was not aware of the other girl til after the fact when she posted like happy 1 year ! n i was like umm.. a year?#n worst part is before i knew who she was years before i saw her at her work n thought she was hot n felt gay#anyway fuck em both#i hate mormons#they have fucked up morals and are narcissistic af
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