#not the ligma balls at the end-

[typh0nas]

i cant believe luca was crying over spilled pringles.

I WAS LAUGHING TOO HARD TO EVEN BE FLUSTERED WATCHING THE VIDEO

[aafricaofficial]

"Throughout Heaven and Earth, I Alone Am the Pretty One!" (Or alternatively) "It's Such a Shame Momo Ayase Died From Ligma"

Been watching Dan Da Dan for the past month. Honestly, with this, the Ranma 1/2 remake, and Dragon Ball DAIMA, there's so much peak in this season of anime 😩👌. I'm gonna be really sad the moment one of these shows either ends or hits hiatus.

Also, Aira Shiratori is hilarious and you will quote everything she says---

[corviids]

md!lucemond is that once scene from the 4th ice age movie 😭

Everyone trying to make them realize their feelings: ohhh someone has the L word

Lucemond: ...lobster?

Everyone: no

Lucemond: leprosy??

Everyone: no. it has 4 letters and ends with "e"

Lucemond: ah yes. lice.

luke: i have l word feelings for you

aemond: l word?

luke: ligma

aemond: ligma?

luke: ligma balls

[hes-sunshine-im-midnight-rain]

Ligma jokes

Telling the obey me demons a Ligma joke:

they either find it funny or they get mad/annoyed at you (you might end up licking Asmo's balls tho)

Telling the WHB demons Ligma joke:

you actually end up licking their balls and then you can't walk for the next 3 weeks

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both Worlds (part 20)

Tw: a bunch of profanities, nothing much in this chapter , short chapter tho

Vote below, i will only count the first 20 votes

Part 21

"You are so funny, (name)!" She laughed and playfully slapped you on the shoulder.

You laughed along and continued your conversation with her.

You finished all your classes for the day. You agreed to accompany her to the cafe because you have five grand in your bank account, courtesy by Yves and you can afford to treat her and yourself.

You didn't touch the food Montgomery gave you. Neither did Evangeline, because she too suffered from bad food poisoning when eating at that takeaway. It was thrown in the trash by her, it twisted your heart a little but you knew it wasn't edible.

Yves sent you a couple of texts asking you to call him when you're free along with pictures of what he found interesting. You muted him and chose to interact with your new friend instead.

In the end, the two of you shared the same opinion of Montgomery, that he may be creepy, but ultimately harmless. It's as if you completely had the memory of him punching Yves in the face erased.

It's nice. Someone around your age that shares the same humor and interests. Someone human unlike Yves and someone socially adept unlike Montgomery.

Good god, you can't believe you somehow considered Montgomery a friend.

"Hey (name)? I got this crazy idea."

You asked her what it was.

"Let's do a prank call on Montgomery." You gasped and said no way. But your tone betrayed you, it does sound like a fun joke. As long as the proper safety measures are taken.

"It will be the funniest thing ever. C'mon, here's the plan."

The both of you huddled together and discussed her nefarious ideas.

__

Her internet sleuthing skills are impressive, to say the least. All he needed was his phone number and his first name. You managed to find out he came from a family of farmers, 20 hours by car away from the city. Montgomery has been to more than 10 cities in the past decade, working various jobs and then quitting it to move onto the next place.

He once rented an apartment, but was evicted when he couldn't pay his rent on time. So you and Evangeline assumed he was living out of his car since then.

"Oh wow. You are proactive!" Giggled Evangeline when she saw you already saved his number under "Do not answer".

She is using your phone. Evangeline dialed Montgomery's personal number and pinched her nose to create an unrecognizable nasally voice. It was set to speaker mode.

After a few seconds of ringing, someone on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello?" It's undoubtedly him, coupled with the sounds of jackhammers rattling in the background.

"Heller, is this Mr Yeller? Montgomery Elizabeth Yeller?"

"Yeah, you got the right person. Who is this?"

"Yerr, this is Anita. Do you remember me, Mr Yeller?"

There was a pause.

"No, your name ain't ringing a bell. Anita who?" He finally replied.

Evangeline struggled to stifle her giggles. "Last name, Bath."

"Anita...Bath?" Montgomery was genuinely trying to remember someone in his life named that.

"Yeah you fucking do, stinky." You and Evangeline burst out cackling.

Eventually, Montgomery caught on and became upset.

"Ha ha. Very funny, you little shits. How the hell did you get my number?"

"Through Joe!"

You and her giggled. You pressed your palm against your lips.

"...(Name)?" His voice became soft and hopeful.

Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. You signal her to cut it out, but she squeezed your shoulder.

"Joe Mama!" She laughed so hard that she had to cradle her side.

"Of fuckin' course." Montgomery's tone returned to being unfriendly. "Don't you fuckin' kids have homework to do? Instead of wastin' y'all's time and y'all's future botherin' strangers?" He snarked.

"No, because we are smart enough to get a scholarship to Ligma!" You heard him scoff from the other side.

"The hell is Ligma? Ya think I fuckin' care if-"

"Ligma balls!" You and Evangeline had tears running down the side of your faces from chortling so hard. "Y-you fell for it three times, Mr Yeller! What the fuck?" Evangeline added between laughs.

"...Stupid good for nothin' kids." He grumbled before hanging up.

Evangeline tried calling immediately after. To your surprise, he still answered.

"I ain't playing with y'all unless you're callin' in to apologize."

"StinkySayHuh."

"Huh?"

You and her let out the loudest scream of glee that he managed to take the bait. The remainder of the call was filled with mocking laughing from you two.

"Y'all can go straight to hell." He scolded before hanging up.

You found it so hilarious despite it being juvenile humor, your howling turned silent and your face became red. You couldn't breathe from guffawing too hard.

"Again, again!" She pressed the button call on his number.

It was declined. She pouted while you're still recovering from your giggles.

She tried calling him repeatedly, but all other attempts went to voicemail. His phone wouldn't receive any texts either.

"Aw, looks like he blocked you." Evangeline handed your phone back to you. Grinning, you thanked her profusely, this is exactly what you wanted.

"No, thank you for hanging out with me. This is the most fun I've had for months!" You laughed along and took another look at your phone.

You had that instinctive jerk upon seeing the time. Her smile dropped and changed to a confused expression.

"What's wrong?"

You were in the middle of packing until you realized you didn't have to take the bus. You apologized and explained yourself.

"Oh, that's totally fine. Hey, what do you say we hang out at the beach?"

You told her that Mr Jones is probably waiting for you.

"Daddy isn't just driving one person around all day. He's like an on-demand taxi! He's going to come to you only after a phone call."

You never knew that.

"Besides, you don't have a stuffy ol' Sir Yves to entertain. You're free! You get to go wherever you want to, whenever you want to." She gave you jazz hands to bring home her point.

"The sun is out, but it isn't that hot. We can dip our feet in the water to cool ourselves down."

You rubbed your chin. That does sound nice, and you don't want to reject your only friend. It's not like you have anything to do at the moment.

"But we're gonna need to take the bus though. I haven't had my driver's license yet." She added.

It takes an hour to ride the bus from the university to the beach. You're full from the junk you ate from the cafe, and you have enough money to buy whatever you want from the stalls.

You could always call Mr Jones up to drive you home from the beach.

However, you should probably go home and talk to Yves. You're barely answering his texts while he was excited to show you the attractions around his hotel.

"So, what do you say, (name)?" She asked with a hopeful smile.

You thought about it.

[musei-thoughts]

𝘓𝘪𝘨𝘮𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘮𝘢𝘧𝘪𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯.

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢 𝘒𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘰 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮! 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 1634𝘸.

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧. 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦.

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦.

𝙖/𝙣: 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘢 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘢𝘺𝘺𝘺𝘺 :𝘋

𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙨: 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦.

“Ahahahaha, What are your plans now Mr. Mafiaman? I got your old daddio locked up in my basement!”

You laughed evilly from the top of the stairways as lavender eyes glares up at you. “You think you’re so funny, aren’t you?

You’re wrong. I’m going to show you what a real mafia is.”

A smirk makes its way into you lips, daring the fuming mafia boss. “You better not hold back and disappoint me; I do have high hopes for you.” You said, approaching the male. 'omg he's so big in person.' you swooned mentally.

Luca took his pistol out, pointing it at your direction. “Now you know what to expect if you continue to fool me.”

Internally, you were like: ‘Seriously? A gun? That all you got?’ but you decided to make more fun of Luca. A fake gasp escapes from your lips, “Oh nooo, are you gonna shoot me?! Oh, please noo, I have so much to live for…" You fake cried.

Luca stares at you with a look of disbelief. His reaction makes you burst into laughter, “You can try me darling~”

“You really like to push my buttons, don’t you?” He aims his pistol at your head, glaring right at you.

Before he could pull the trigger, you swat his arm aside, making him shoot the vase behind you. Catching him off guard, you pulled his arm and flipped him over your shoulder, his body slamming onto the ground. You pressed your red stilettos onto his expensive tuxedo, “I do like to push your buttons.” The sadistic grin on your face made him feel weak.

Luca pushes your leg off and quickly gets up, keeping a safe distance from you. You were not someone he can lower his guards around. Someone who makes him excited like this is dangerous. “Who told you of my father’s whereabouts? How did you get your hands on him?!” He barked.

“Hmmm? Wanna know my secrets? How about…

No.”

You playfully stick your tongue put at the mafia boss, provoking him even more. The irritation in his face never failed to amaze you. He wasn’t like this when he’s around his mafia, he was more carefree and....smiley.

“You better do more than ask if you want to know my deepest DARKEST secrets.” You joked.

“Fine, keep them to yourself for now.” Luca pulls out throwing knives, now having his turn to grin at you, ”Now I have a question for you. Do you want to live?” He questions before throwing it all at you in quick succession.

Knives were like raindrops to you as you walked towards Luca, swiftly dodging every blade that barely even scraped you smooth s/c skin. “Do I? I wonder Mr. Mafiaman…” Once you were in front of him, you pulled him down to your eye level by his collar, “…do YOU want to die?"

A cold sweat forms on Luca’s forehead. He wasn’t expecting the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins while you gazed at him intensely. He tries to hide the intimidated look on his face by grabbing an emergency pistol from his breast pocket and once more points it at you.

“Are you threatening me? You’re playing with fire.”

You just eyed the pistol, smirking slyly at the man. “Go on ahead, shoot me.”

His hands tightens around the revolver. He never intended things to end this way. He doesn’t want to kill a woman. His hands shook ever so slightly as his eyes bore into your fearless ones.

“Any final words?”

Lips curving into a mischievous smile, “Ligma balls, mafia man.”

“You little-“

Your remark catches him off guard, making him pull the trigger by accident. Confetti and glitters shoots out from the gun while you chuckled at his reaction. “Surprise~ I switched your gun with a party popper when you weren’t aware ;P”

He stares at the gun for a moment and his eyes go from wide to narrow. “You're lucky that was a joke gun.” He stands up and takes out a knife from his pocket.

“I still have other ways to kill you with.”

in a swift motion, Luca stabs her with the knife. Your eyes go wide and you fall forward, leaning on Luca. “Lu…ca you bastard…” You whimpered.

“…that's a retractable trick knife!” Your laughter echoes through the ballroom as you slapped your thigh in amusement.

Luca looked at the knife in his hand, pulling it away from you. It IS a retractable trick knife. ”How many tricks do you have left?!”

“Well, aside from pretending to kidnap your daddy and be your ‘fake’ archnemesis, I don’t have much.” You shrugged at him. Pretend? Luca was confused. Beyond confused. Who really are you?

Then, boisterous laughter emerges from the top of the stairway, making the two of you look at the source of the sound. It was…

“Papa?”

The bossman goes silent and drops the fake knife to his side. Mr. Kaneshiro smiled at you with a pat on the shoulder, “That was quite a show you put up back there, Y/n; I’m impressed.” You reciprocated his gesture, “Thank you Mr. Kaneshiro.” Luca just watched the two of you casually exchange words, completely confused and left out.

“You two know each other?”

Luca still doesn’t get it. He has seen his father with people before, but never this friendly. “I have agreed to arrange Y/n to be your wife.”

…

“W-What?!” Wife?! Marriage?! What is happening? “Why all of the sudden papa?!”

Mr. Kaneshiro saw his reaction and raised a brow at him, “Why’s your face like that? Do you have something to say boy?”

“N-no, sir.” He quickly drops his head down.

He still can't believe what's going on here. His father agreed to this marriage, and apparently, even knows you in a deep level.

His dad’s expression quickly changes into a smile, “Well, there's nothing to complain about, Y/n’s a great cook, she can defend herself, and she knows how the mafia works. She's the perfect wife for you. Admit that you DID have fun with her son.” Luca's dad smirks with a teasing gleam in his eyes.

Luca thinks for a few seconds. He can’t upset his father. “…yes. I did have fun with her.” He is still shocked by this situation, but somehow he's starting to come with terms with it.

“Really? You had fun~ Aww, that's cute.” You asked him with a teasing tone, leaning close to his face. “It's not funny!” He whines with a slight blush in his face.

He's very embarrassed to admit it, but in fact, he had a lot of fun with you. He starts considering the possibility of being married with you, although he's still shocked and embarrassed to admit it.

Seeing him all flustered and whining like this kept your brain well fed, making you giggle in delight.

The big buff mafia man getting all flustered at the news of unexpectedly getting married to you was like a cherry on top of a sundae. You couldn’t resist pulling Luca down by the collar, “You’re so cute, Luca.” you whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek before letting go of him.

A shiver went down his spine as you kissed his cheek. He looked at her, then at his father, and nodded his head in agreement.

“Fine. I'll marry her.”

Luca's dad nods in satisfaction, “I will deal with the paperwork. Welcome to the family, Y/n.” You quickly thanked him before he leaves.

Once Mr. Kaneshiro was out of sight, you smirked at Luca while poking his cheek playfully. “Would you look at that, that went well, didn't it, my love?” You asked.

“I guess I have a wife now, right? What did I just do? I just got married with someone I barely know.” He sighs in disbelief, rubbing his face with his big, gloved hands.

“Just tell me what we are going to do now.”

“Well, what does newlyweds do after they get married?” you looked at him for an answer but luca just shrugs. You grinned from ear to ear before replying: “Honeymoon.”

“Wait what?! We are already going in the honeymoon?” He starts getting nervous at your answer. ”I never did this before. What exactly happens in a honeymoon?” He tilts his head to the side, cutely pouting.

You stared at him in surprise. “ You really don't know?”

“I'm the mafia boss, not a husband.” He sighs. “No, I don't know what happens in a honeymoon.”

You thought for a while before explaining, “Well, it's a little vacation newlyweds spent together. They travel, go on dinner dates, exploring, and…” You leaned towards him and whispers into his ear: “…and get 'intimate' with each other.” You teased.

He feels a tingling sensation in his body as she whispers that into his ear. “You mean…” He blushes and looks away.

“Yeah. THAT.” You couldn’t help but fawn over the mafia boss’ cute, red face, “Awwww, is my husband shy?”

His face becomes even redder as he doesn't know what to say. “How can you be so calm at this situation? we barely know each other.” He looks at her with a mix of confusion, embarrassment and amazement. “Let's just say that I've had my eyes on you for quite a while.” You pinched his cheek.

You were…stalking him? A pretty woman stalking him? He blushes and his eyes widen a little bit. He didn't expect this. “Really?” He puts a hand on his cheek, feeling it a bit red from the pinch.

“Uhuh, and you were completely oblivious. How adorable of my husband.” Even as he's embarrassed and he still can't believe what's going on, he's having so much fun talking to her he can't help but laugh.

“You're mean, Y/n. You know that?”

“I know you enjoy it~” You teased.

“Oh you know I do…” He chuckles and pulls her closer to him, whispering in your ear:

“I also know what I want to do with you tonight.”

𝘢/𝘯: 𝘬𝘺𝘢𝘢.

← 𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 │ 𝘕𝘦𝘹𝘵 →

[zipperzippastic]

How Hashiras swear

A random tought stuck in my mind. We had seen some character curse in the manga. But just to think about it, i wonder if they use bad words in their casual

(Plus i will include my oc, because i like to pretend its canon)

Rengoku Kyojuro

Of course this golden retriever not use bad words around younglings. Bet he just uses for fun with Tengen.

"Frickin gay frogs!"

"Damm ass demons"

"Fucking... " (Forgot his speech)

I can picture say all those with a happy smile

Iguro Obanai

This shorty probably put those banned words middle of his speech. Not gonna shame because his mouth covered with all bandages

"What the hell you talking about?!"

"Fuck you mean, nuh uh?"

And he all point finger at you harshly while saying these (fun fact: Kaburamaru biggest swear than him)

Kanroji Mitsuri

Bet she start using nasty words just for to be cool with her friends, don't worry she have no bad toughts when say these

"Fuck me! Shit my vagina! Suck my dick!"

And the demon she about to slay be like "wha... but you are a girl.. "

Uzui Tengen

Mostly use bad words as jokes, not have bad intentions either. He just an eccentric ass

"Hey Sanemi, you see this pole?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Snickers Fuck you haha!"

Tengen also try to joke like you said the bad words

"I have packed the furnitures.... "

"You fucked furnitures!?? Omg fjkkffjgshk"

Shinuzagawa Sanemi

A real rage quit

"Youmotherfuckerbitchshitheadfuckingfuckthefuckingbitchyoucansuckmydickand... "

Soo bro chill, calm down

Kocho Shinobu

When she get angry like Iguro. But use them at the end of her speech, for a bonus comeback

Like she have that calm smile on her face but angry veins popping on forehead

"Since when wounds healed by its own. Just listen to me.... cuuuunt... "

She can also use "whore", "bitch" and "faggot" too. Let's not make her that angry

Gumari Chakira

Not much, little demon only use them when freaked out

"Hhhgghhgghh... Shiiit!"

Tomioka Giyuu

I don't think he can. He soo quiet for that. The only I can think is when he encounter with Sanemi or Obanai

"Ligma... "

"Ligma what!?!"

"Ligma balls" and he flee

Himejime Gyomei

"Language!"

Yeah, I don't think he say any

Tokito Muichiro

"Bit-!?" Gyomei shut his mouth with big hand

Who teach him those words???

[magicalgirlmascot]

[ID: series of 4 images from the last Bionicle comic featuring the Mata Nui and Makuta giant robots. Mata Nui says "So sad that Steve Jobs died of ligma" and Makuta replies "who's Steve Jobs?" Mata Nui says "ligma balls" and Makuta gets his head smashed in by Aqua Magna. End ID.]

I wish I had a good reason for this existing

[dummy-draws]

I just realised I never posted these here lol-

These are D&D characters I've had the pleasure to play as during the last couple of years! Three of them are retired by now (as in their campaigns have ended lol)

Also yes, most of them are either big and muscular or smol and weak, except for one of them lol

Willow Above the Void of the Fanged Moon Clan (long names are fun), a tall himbo paladin who's strangely comfortable with violence and goes to a high school for adventures. Likes to work out and may or may not know how to read? Newest character of this bunch! Campaign just started, can't wait to see what kinds of shenanigans he's gonna get himself into lol.

Icarus Tempest, wizard baby (literally) who loves magic and is a huuuuuge nerd. Also his parents and family were killed by templars and he was raised by his human teacher, master Tempest. Has a mouse familiar named Peanut and an awakened spellbook he calls Mr. Edward. Campaign ended and he's currently studying at a magic college.

Bucket, chaos goblin thing, cleric but multiclasses as a wizard to get access to the Fireball spell and Staff of Power. Is an alcoholic, has chronic pain and does weird shit cuz it's funny. Likes to pull pranks on others, once landed a ligma balls joke on a Red Wizard leader. Currently living with his two adopted sons he won when gambling on two separate occasions, yes it happened twice, they had horrible parents apparently.

Lumiran Thuumderax, Crystal dragonborn from a noble family but with a red dragon sorcerous origin so some of her scales are turning red, which didn't sit well with her purist family. So she was prohibited from leaving their mansion and bullied every day by her family, all the way up until she was an adult and kicked out. Doesn't know how to have fun and has huuuge trauma from how badly her family treated her. Campaign ongoing, currently she's in the Feywild, looking for a missing Archfey after being almost kicked out of a magical carnival with her party.

Vologath, Volo amongst friends (not affiliated with the other Volo) is a biiiig guy, like even for a Goliath. He's pretty chill, doesn't like slackers tho. He died like many years ago but was reincarnated into a Goliath. Left his clan when he had an argument with the leader. Lived alone for about a year before he met the party and the story started and stuff. Ongoing. Has an odd connection to Owlbears, it's like he can talk to them or something.

r'En'r'En is a funky frog man, was a shaman student who was framed for the murder of his clan's leader by his teacher (and he also accidentally helped with the murder but it was a pure accident lol). So he had to run away so the rest of the clan wouldn't kill him. Likes mushroom wine. Campaign ended, is now... Somewhere?

Draphixolash Wyvarum, Draphi among friends, is a big dragonborn paladin man with a major case of social anxiety. He was haunted by a shadow demon who talked to him in his head. He is also a weretiger (like a werewolf but tiger, and also not a human but a dragonborn, so a... dragon-tiger??) And a follower of Selûne. Campaign ended, he spent years as a royal knight before disappearing for almost a 100 years, but then appeared in the campaign Bucket was in as an admiral of the royal army! (That was a cool moment)

[druvjelly]

Ayo since the splatfest is this weekend.

No harassment, obviously.

Don’t treat this like Eurovision. Stop saying X team did X and yidi yada and it was all rigged BLEH.

View it as a fun event. Not the FIFA World Cup. You lose? Hey that’s nice. Post your little meme. You win? That’s really cool! Celebrate a little.

Destroy all the back liners if on enemy team.

It’s a video game, calm down if you lose. It isn’t the end of the world (unless you’re in a bet where you have the destroy the wlrld).

Uhhhh, ligma balls?

[unboundwanderers]

" wait, don't go — " she walked after them, holding onto their shoulder to stop the Doctor from leaving her in the dust. " i'm sorry that when you asked me why i was crying, i said it was 'cause i had 'ligma' … can we just re-wind & start again ?"

HE WAS THE TYPE to imediately go into a fight or flight mode when someone starts crying, especially when it's a friend of his. Immediately resting his hands on his knees when he lowered down too check on Gaia, eyebrows pressed together. This must be so hard for her. He knew the feeling. Being separated from home, from the people you love, from the person you are, from everything. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but-- he didn't wanna break her boundaries. He just reached out.

"Braveheart, Gaia--" "No- No, I'm only crying because I have Ligma." "Ligma? I've never heard of that--?" "Ligma balls." Vine boom.

She was still in tears. He was so confused. She had just seemingly stun-locked him through words alone. He moved to stand up, humming outwardly. He moved to turn and start walking back toward THE TARDIS, which was near the end of the garden they had landed near. He had this stunned look on his face. The whole time he just... walked back to the TARDIS.

Yep-- He's leaving her here.

Of course, he's kidding- she stops him and he instantly halts. Turning to look at her. Softly he nudges her cheek with his knuckle and brushes some of her tears away before giving her a ruffle of the hair and gesturing for her to follow. "Come along, Gaia~ We've got a packed day ahead of us." He chuckled softly- hands behind his head as he hustled back to the TARDIS.

[kimabutch]

[ID: a screenshot from Game Changer’s Ratfish episode, showing a conversation between Jack Stryker and A Bug With A Big Ass.

Jack Stryker: Hello you large-assed bug.

A Bug With A Big Ass: Ligma balls.

Jack Stryker: I haven’t an idea of what that means.

A Bug With A Big Ass: How could you? Small men never dream of great things. They wallow in mediocrity, satisfied to pass their merger days in dull sport and the flailing misery of a life misspent. You, sir, are a ghost of your own life, made to haunt the world even before the day of your death.

Jack Stryker: Brennan? End ID.]

[pinchan]

ch 179 true ending

[image desc: a one page comic of kokushibo and muichiro.

first panel: a close-up of kokushibo’s face. muichiro says “so sad that steve jobs died of ligma.” off-screen.

second panel: kokushibo turns at him, asking “who is steve jobs.”

third panel: close-up of muichiro’s bored face, pointing at the camera, saying “ligma balls.”

four panel: kokushibo and muichiro are shown in full body. kokushibo recoils and disintegrates while a comically tiny muichiro points at him.

/end id.]

[hyperifictrashlazi]

" 𝑺𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆 " ˢʰᵘ ʸᵃᵐⁱⁿᵒ ˣ ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

I have fallen into the Vtuber hole, and I love it here. I stan NijiEN for life now and reading all the Luxiem X Readers in Tumblr got me melting and squealing and punching the air. THEY'RE ALL SO GOOD!

I couldn't help writing this prompt in the end out of pure inspiration, I just - csildbvlainele the possibilities and imagination is ENDLESS.

Anyway, have a sweet School Romance AU with Shubert X Reader

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

Slightly quiet. Incredibly smart. Thoughtfully considerate. Steadily calm. Those were some of the myriad of words that describes Shu Yamino.

And despite being openly friendly, everyone still kind of wonders what exactly is in his mind, finding his constant tranquility as intimidating as it is soothing.

Shu himself doesn't really think of it much, rather he can say that the things in his mind are pretty simple.

Funny Memes. His Family. Things he has to do. His packed lunch for the day. The shenanigans with his friends. Ligma balls.

Yes, they were all definitely pretty simple.

"Uhm, sorry to bother you Shu, but... do you know to solve this one? I think my head's malfunctioning..."

All but You.

Shu immediately smiles softly as he turns your way, feeling his heart slightly melt at the sight of you being shy. "Oh, you do this..." and as always, he reaches out to help you.

Having you in his mind was anything but simple. You were definitely pretty, but simple? Goodness, not at all.

You weren't the smartest, your grades being above average at most and at least average at the subjects you hate.

You weren't the prettiest, rather he thinks you're more on the cuter side of pretty rather than downright beautiful.

But nonetheless, you were the most precious person to him.

The way your voice would hum little catchy tunes or call out his name that he hopes you keep reaching out to him.

The way your hand feels so warm at the simplest touches to the point that he wishes you don't let him go.

The way your eyes always seemed to be brightly gleaming in the most endearing way possible that he couldn't look away.

The way your presence alone assures him with safety and heart sworn promises in a skip of a heartbeat.

You were a constant in his mind, swarming him with overflowing emotions that defies logic at every turn. Despite how easy it is to label his feeling for you as love, it brings so much more complicated thoughts plaguing his head.

As strange as it is, the most complicated thought in Shu Yamino's mind is the thought of his seatmate, (Name) (Last name).

"I see... that's where I got it wrong." You mumbled before smiling up to your seatmate. "Thanks a lot, Shu!" you then chirp.

"It's no problem." Shu replied nonchalantly, watching you refocus to your problem as you solve it correctly this time.

He tried suppressing a smile, why is it that even when you're busy seriously concentrating, he still finds you so adorable?

(Name) who is the Theatre club's best actor.

(Name) who is a talented singer and dancer.

(Name) who is friendly and outgoing in nature.

(Name) (Last name) who is so passionate that the fire within send Shu's heart ablaze on the few times he saw it shine so bright.

"Shu? Are you okay?" You ask, snapping the boy out of his daze. Look at how you were worrying about something so small, he swears that sometimes you might be an angel.

"Sorry, I was a bit distracted." Shu admitted, slightly flustered that he got caught spacing out. Still, he glances his averted gaze back at you.

And with a moment of courage, Shu's fingers gently tucks loose strands of your hair behind your ear.

"There you go. It was a bit distracting for the both of us, right?" Shu said, smiling sincerely.

Slightly taken aback by the affectionate action, you touch the side of your head, right behind your ear where the locks of hair were securely tucked into.

"Yes, it was..." you answered before chuckling sweetly at how considerate he is, "Thanks Shu." you gratefully said.

Shu bites his inner cheek, trying to stop a grin but to no avail, a small smile slips into his lips. "Anytime." he ended up saying.

Because you were always in his mind, wistfully thinking of a forever by your side and wondering if you were thinking the same.

Because despite it all, Shu Yamino was a brilliant but simple person.

He was simply a Boy in Love hidden under the brilliance of his subtlety.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

I don't know if I should make a part 2 from the Reader's POV.

Anyway, thanks a lot for Reading!!

[weenwrites]

TFP Decepticons W/ a Jokester Reader

Pairing - Platonic, Romantic ( Up to reader interpretation ) Category - Headcanons, Scenarios Trigger Warnings - None ( Deez nuts )

Megatron

“Lord Megatron, there has been a new ligma outbreak among the troops.” You begin as you kneel before the warlord, “I suggest sending squadrons Alpha-1 through Beta-6 to the medbay for immediate examination and decontamination.”

“Y/n, what is this… ‘Ligma’ disease of which you speak?” Megatron growls, slowly turning to look down at you.

A devious smile flashes across your hidden face/faceplate before you rise and stand tall. You tuck your hands/servos away behind your back.

“Ligma balls, my liege.” You smirk, barely containing your giddy snorts and chuckles.

Megatron’s expression turns sour, he furrows his optical ridges and takes one swift step over to you as you begin letting out your uncontainable laughter. He lets out a low growl, picks you up with ease, and glares daggers at you while you laugh. You keep laughing however, you’re quite confident that Megatron wouldn’t kill you.

You’re LUCKY that Megatron likes you enough to keep you around whether you’re human or cybertronian.

He knows about the joke, yes, he doesn’t find it funny one bit.

Keep it up with these human jokes and you’ll be in the smelter.

Shockwave

“There’s this substance on Earth called tuggenma.” You explain, “It’s highly explosive and corrosive.”

Shockwave doesn’t bat an optic to look at you. He only continues with his experimentation and research on predacon bones while you sit there on his lab table, swinging your legs. You’re focusing on keeping yourself composed so you don’t give away the fact that this is a joke. His head spikes twitch before he replies.

“Where can I acquire tuggenma?” He queries, having came up with an idea.

“Tuggenma balls.”

He doesn’t care.

He finds your jokes highly illogical, but he’ll fall for them every single time.

Starscream

You were conversing with St3v3 in a break room, just trading harmless gossip between friends. When the door hissed and parted to reveal Starscream standing in the doorway. A scowl marked his faceplate as he strode on over, his heels clacked against the cool metal floor.

“Oh, smells like Updog in here.” You said aloud.

St3v3 let out a little “snort,” prompting you to playfully punch his shoulder lightly. You signaled for him to keep it down in a series of quick motions with your hands/servos. St3v3 nodded and quickly regained his composure as the two of you directed your gaze over to your commander.

“You two!” Starscream interjected rather abruptly, he pointed to the two of us with a singular sharp digit before taking a couple strides over to us, “What are you jabbering on about?” Starscream demanded to know, “Your break ended cycles ago! Get back to work!”

“It smells like updog, Commander Starscream.” You reply casually.

“What?”

“It smells like updog in here, Commander Starscream.” St3v3 repeated.

“I heard you two the first time, I’m not deaf!” Starscream snapped, “What is updog?” He questioned, watching only as St3v3 snorted and broke out into laughter afterward.

A mix of anger and confusion flashed across the seeker’s faceplate. Was this lowly vehicon laughing at him? His commanding officer? His superior officer?

“Not much, ‘sup with you?” You retort before looking at St3v3, “I told you I could do it, and you didn’t believe me!”

You watch with a smug smile on your face/faceplate as it all clicks together for the seeker. Starscream only growls and furrows his optic ridges as he glowers at the two of you. St3v3 attempts to stop his laughter before Starscream goes with his idea of leaving the two of you with cleaning duty for the next few cycles.

He’s so very upset that you got him with an updog joke.

Anyone else who was there when it happened will never let him live it down.

He will probably refuse to answer you whenever you ask him anything for a while.

Dreadwing

“Dreadwing,” You begin, walking straight up to the seeker as he tapped away on a monitor’s controls, “have you seen my friend Phillip?“

You watch as he turns away from the monitors to look at you. He stares at you for a moment, trying to recall if there was any vehicon named “Phillip.” He only shook his helm before speaking.

“No, I have not.” Dreadwing replied, “Who is Phillip?”

“Phillip on deez nuts!” You interjected abruptly, prompting Dreadwing to scowl.

You only grinned smugly, feeling rather proud of yourself. Dreadwing only let out a low growl in annoyance before returning to his task at hand.

… Why?

“Phillip on deez nuts?” What???

He’s just confused.

He doesn’t find it amusing at all.

Skyquake

“Skyquake, have you ever seen a tangalo cat?” You query, watching as he strode past you.

The two of you were on a recon mission together under new Lord Starscream’s orders. The two of you hadn’t spoken ever since you left the Nemesis, so you decided to break the silence with a little joke. It was a harmless joke, nothing much, really.

“I am afraid not.” Skyquake replied, keeping his optics on a scanner that he had with him, “I have not seen much of Earth’s natural fauna, but I do find them rather fascinating. Are tangalo cats-“

“Tangalook at deez nuts!” You suddenly interrupt.

He’s confused.

Why do humans find “nut” jokes funny?

Why do YOU find “nut” jokes funny?

He’ll never understand it.

Soundwave

“Soundwave!” You exclaim as you rush over to him.

He was monitoring the halls at the moment. He wasn’t too occupied so you had taken this opportunity to have a little “chat” with him. You stopped and stood beside him before continuing.

“There are these things called CDs that you can use to play music.” You explained, “I found a couple of them, would you like to see them?”

He slightly turned to you and displayed a check mark on his visor. You smirked before speaking once more.

“I’m glad you want to cee deez nuts.”

It’s hard to get him, actually, so kudos to you for accomplishing the near impossible.

He doesn’t care, whatsoever.

But now he knows every deez nuts joke or yo mama joke in existence, just for the sake of avoiding them now.

Knockout

“Knockout! I can’t believe you don’t want boffa!” You sigh, shaking your head/helm in feigned disappointment as you lean against the wall.

“Hm? Boffa?” Knockout looks to you from over his shoulder, rather confused, “I don’t recall anyone asking me if I wanted boffa.” He raises an optical ridge.

“Boffa deez nuts!” You snort, before bursting out into a laugh, “Ha! Gottem!”

Knockout lets out a little huff, and slowly shakes his helm before a small smile cracks on his faceplate.

Admittedly the jokes are at first a bit weird to him but soon you infect him with your sense of humor.

Absolutely loves joking around with you!!

The two of you always get Starscream with updog

Heck, you’ve even got the autobots from time to time with deez nuts jokes or yo mama jokes on the battlefield.

Breakdown

“Breakdown, this really reminds me of that one time you single-handedly took on those Autobots at sawcon.” You remark as you look around the place, “This place looks just like it.” You add, shifting your feet/pedes to look at him.

“Sawcon?” He looks to you, meeting your gaze, “I don’t remember ever goin’ to a place called sawcon.” He scratches the side of his helm in slight confusion.

“Sawcon deez nuts!” You retort with a grin, letting your laughter loose.

Breakdown only stares at you for a moment or so before it clicks in his processor. Soon, he begins to chuckle, and slowly it grows into laughter. Eventually the two of you are sharing a hearty laugh.

He finds your humor to be absolutely hilarious!!! A bit weird, yes, but still, pretty funny!

Honestly he loves jokin’ around with you and such

He might use a couple of your jokes on some vehicons for fun.

Airachnid

“Airachniiiid?” You call, elongating the “i.”

You laid on your back on the top of a cliff, looking at her upside-down. The spider turned to look at you, her pedes lightly tapping against the stone floor beneath her. You tap your fingers/digits against the stone crag absentmindedly.

“Whatever do you need, Y/n?” She replies, peering up at you.

“I can’t seem to find my friend, Candice.” You reply, “Have you seen her?”

“No, I haven’t.” Airachnid replies, using the 8 legs that sprouted from her back to make it up to the cliff with ease, “Who is Candice? It’s quite a lovely name…”

“Candice dick fit in your mouth?” You smirk, looking up to her as she loomed over you.

“Watch your mouth/intake, Y/n.” Airachnid hisses, swiftly thrusting one of her sharp legs toward your throat/neck cables yet stopping in time as not to hurt you but rather make you flinch.

Yeeaaaaaahhhhh…

No.

She isn’t really a big fan of your jokes, unless it’s some other Decepticon who fell for it, like Starscream.

St3v3

“Steve! Steve!” You call to the vehicon as you watch him harvest newly found energon crystals from the Earth.

“Yeah, Y/n?” St3v3 replies, staying hard at work while he spoke to you.

He couldn’t afford to stop working for even a couple seconds. Not unless he’d want Breakdown catching him and telling him to get back to work. Though he was rather nice and neither would St3v3 really mind as long as it was Breakdown who told him so. Worst case scenario, Starscream catches him and tells him to get back to work. Now that’s something he’d want to avoid for sure.

“Ever heard of the new famous singer Vanessa Paradis?” You query, raising a brow/optical ridge.

“Vanessa Paradis?” St3v3 repeated, “No, I don’t think I have.” He shakes his helm as he loads the energon crystals into a cart.

“How about a paradis nuts?” You smirk.

You constantly try and get each other back, or just trade jokes.

It’s a never ending war.

Some of the superiors are SO fed up with your guys’s antics, others aren’t.

Among the troopers, St3v3’s the hardest to get with deez nuts jokes, so whenever you manage to pull it off, expect to hear some troopers go “OOOHHHHHH!”

Predaking

“Predaking, wait!” You quickly call after him.

He turns to watch as you run up to him. A befuddled expression crossed his faceplate as he met your gaze. He had just returned from a mission and expected you to greet him, not say “wait.”

“Are you going?” You ask as you stop in front of him, “Don’t tell me you’re going.”

“Going?” He repeats, visibly confused by your query.

“Going to eat deez nuts?” You quickly retort.

You snicker to yourself as he only looks even more bewildered.

At first he doesn’t get it, but when he learns what those kind of jokes are, he’s pretty insulted.

So… Perhaps keep jokes like that to a minimum around him.

But he finds it amusing when other Decepticons or Predacaons fall for your jokes.

Darksteel

“Darksteel, you really remind me of a goblin.” You say as you stare up at the sky with the massive predacon laying beside you.

“A goblin?” He repeats.

You notice that he looks toward you, seeming quite befuddled at your random remark about him. You compared him to... A what, now? He sits up and raises an optical ridge, prompting you to continue.

“Goblin deez nuts.” You reply simply with a snort.

He doesn’t get it.

When you explain it to him, he then finds it strange, but funny.

He definitely tries to get skylynx with your jokes.

May or may not succeed and laugh his aft off.

And then may or may not end up in a fight.

Skylynx

“Skylynx, do you prefer the yankees or the expos?” You query, as you watch him heave a massive predacon bone over his helm.

“Yankees? Expos?” He queries, looking toward you with a visibly confused expression on his faceplate, “What are those?”

“Expos deez nuts or yank on deez nuts! That’s what!” You retort with a chuckle and a grin on your face/faceplate.

He’s secretly amused… The most he’ll give is a little chuckle and that’s it.

He’ll totally try and get Darksteel with one of your jokes.

And he’ll totally succeed.

[ppnuggie]

RESCUE BOTS — fluff

『　chase - heatwave - boulder - blades female human reader    』

→ rescue bots w/ reader who tells

deez nuts ,, your mom jokes

ー crack - fluff - sfw

— requests are open !! ,, please feel free to submit any requests along the rules :>

chase ::

• chase had taken a slight interest in human humor after a few comedies ,, wanting to learn more about such things

    • he knew you would help him in this sort of situation ,, so he went to you

    • though when you told a ' yo mama ' joke ,, it was best to say he was more then confused and conflicted

    • why couldnt his carrier fit through the door ? what did that mean ? his carrier was certainly not big

    • it was worse when you got him with ' deez nuts '

    • who's nuts is candice ? what is a sawcon ? many questions he had asked

    • in the end he was more confused then satisfied ,, though he did get a few laughs out of a few others

heatwave ::

    • it was when he was training when you came to him ,, something about a sawcon

    • what was a sawcon ,, he had no idea of ,, but did ask

    • but when asked ,, all he got was " sawcon deez nuts !! "

    • the bot was too stunned to speak

    • he grumbled ,, saying something amongst the lines of  ' not having the time to deal with your shenanigans '

    • but hey ,, gave him more fuel to demolish the training thing he kept punching

    • and he was in a worse mood that day ,, especially with kade

    • even though he hates deez nuts jokes ,, he still falls for every single one

 

blades ::

• bro was just chilling and all after a mission ,, getting a few leaves out of a few spots and all ,, yknow daily things

    • but when you came to him about a friend of yours ,, candice ,, who had went missing ,, he freaked out

    • when he asked what candice looked like and where they were last seen ,, he was confused while you had a smile on your face

    • " CANDEEZ NUTS FIT IN YO MOUTH "

    • mans almost teared up ,, this was the 27472928th time he had been yelled at

    • and now he had fallen for the classic candice joke ,, he might've as well had a mid-life crisis right there and then

    • he keeps falling for your joke though ,, no matter what and sometimes it'll be the same one twice in a row

boulder ::

    • he was getting into his new hobby of painting ,, currently painting a little bird in a tree

    • he had a soft gaze in his eyes as he gazed at his leonardo da vinci masterpiece

    • however ,, when you suggested that he should add ' ligma ' to it ,, he had considered it

    • " (y/n) , what is this ligma ? " he asked ,, unaware of the mischievous glint in your eyes

    • " ligma balls " was all you said before running off

    • he didnt get it at first ,, heatwaves having to explain what you had said meant

    • he just stood there ,, not knowing what to do

    • he learned from kade that falling for those jokes was bad ,, and so he frowns everytime you tell him one

    • poor bb