#not that this doesn't appeal to like every magic fan but

[insanescriptist]

Flip the Table

Casually eavesdropping on what should be highly secure frequencies, Jason sipped his beer in a sleezy saloon style sports bar somewhere on the Vegas strip, nominally watching college(?) football; he's a hockey fan because baseball's boring as shit to watch and he's never got the appeal about American football. Football to the rest of the world was at least worth watching for the drama. Something had the Justice League in a tizzy and Zatanna -the one who normally covered Vegas when it came to the costumed crazies- was off world; Jason didn't have the details exactly but it sounded like Zatanna was dealing with some magical planar stuff and was not expected back for at least six more days. Assuming all went well.

So like any reasonable person who's going away for a time, she turned on her home security, had the alerts wired over to a friend -in this case Justice League Dark- gave a list of what was needed to be done and when -the pick up my mail and mow my lawn equivalants- went on her trip, trusting that the JLD were watching over her city and it wouldn't be on fire when she got back.

Such glorious hope.

And thus something happened so when Jason pulled into Vegas proper to investigate a desperate -read last hope- lead on a missing person's case, Jason happened to spy one of the lesser members of the JLD losing their shit in the sky. And so in a moment of civic duty, Jason started spying on them.

Magic was not something anyone trained by the Bat really ever got comfortable about, but chances were magic bullshit was going to intervene in his case. Justice League shit spilled over everything, all the time. Ghost cultists tripping Zatanna's necromancy alarms or whatever they were, was not Jason's business. Not unless the presumed cultists -those that had survived- had the person he was looking for.

No, he was looking at a missing person's case and his lead was 1. cold and 2. a longshot and 3. in a city full of tourists and catering staff, where "seen anything unusual lately" could be "there was this trio of tourists arguing how sex with your best friend doesn't count as cheating," or "someone having a meltdown over the delayed shipping of organic blueberries to the hotel," or "Sarah Maria got murdered a couple weeks ago on the job, but I haven't seen any notice about her funeral stuff on her social media, why yes, I do know she's dead, oh, she's dead and I'm an idiot for expecting someone dead to post on their socials their funeral deets."

Point was, he could look and ask all he wanted, beat feet for days, but the chances of this lead panning out were basically so minuscule that Jason could treat this more as a hobby case while on vacation. He still did his due diligence, asked the staff a few questions, called the guests on the same floor during the time period of their stay about how they found their stay, ran into the dead end of shitty business practices -they recorded over their own records every two weeks- and so unless Jason got the ability to do magic and do a "point me!" spell, the case would turn cold. It sucked when it happened but sometimes the evidence wasn't there. Or wasn't noticed or was destroyed before it could be collected. Sometimes people just didn't remember shit until three weeks later, which with some follow up digging gave him the lead to the hotel. Which got him nothing after that.

As Jason Todd didn't gain an innate ability to do magic that he was aware of that actually counted as magic bullshit magic instead of a couple cantrips, all he could do was get a beer and some food in a Vegas style Texas saloon bar. Which not his first choice, but it was full enough no one really paid attention to anyone. Technically a sport's bar but also very much was not. It was also busy enough that Jason ended up getting asked if someone could set with him at his table -which real Jason said hell no to, but cover Jason did agree to-

Oh. Meta. Jason realized quickly. Oh no, he's hot.

His hair is on fire!

How did the server miss that? Most metas don't casually out themselves like that! Too many people willing to target them for whatever power.

That hair was flaming, tied back in a low tail; Jason blinked and the hair flickered color, looked like normal hair -black- and then back to white fire, then black fire, some tv static abomination of color, white hair and then black hair. Another blink and it appeared to be black flames for hair and yeah, Jason closed his eyes. Pointedly ignored the hair thing. If the meta asked, Jason was judging him for the stupid little goatee.

The rest of the meta was built along the same lines as Jason himself, tall, broad and built. Packed with muscle, which was something to make note of; metas usually were more durable and could hit harder, so Jason casually made note to not get hit if a fight broke out.

Which it might, or probably would.

That's just how Jason's luck ran. To shit.

Said meta also ordered food and a beer, didn't even get asked for ID -unfair bias- and judging by the sound, turned in the seat to look at the American football screen that Jason had been ignoring. His hair had at least settled to black flames instead of the glitchy hair.

Of course as this was Vegas, people gambled on outcomes of games too. Which is how Jason learned the meta was rich enough to blow a couple grand -not expensive in the world of supers- but more than what the average person would be comfortable betting.

There were better ways to piss away money than gambling on sports. Like on over priced burgers and onion rings with an order of mozzerella sticks. The burger was good, admittedly Jason's had better and then some party of guys was yelling at the ref on a screen. And yup, that's some altercation with another table but the barman broke it up with a couple of words.

His tablemate muttered something about the ref having made the right call if one of the players wanted to continue a career professionally and Jason used that as social leverage to get a name -Dan, no last name given- and a bit more in-depth explanation on what stakes were going on; he's a hockey guy, not a football guy.

Some time later, Dan had caught him up on the football drama -nothing compared to the hockey drama- and conversation had drifted significantly from sports, lightly touched on family -Dan had siblings he shared little about other than they existed, which fair, they could also be metas and at risk- much like Jason did -he had siblings that existed, no further details- and parents weren't mentioned. Instead a lot of engineering talk, a slide into ethics -Dan's opinion on killing super villains was very much that some people needed Ended- and some small talk about how Dan's high school English teacher cursed in classical book titles.

Soon the easy joy of potential friendship ended when his phone rang; that was the Batman ringtone and Jason felt no guilt hanging up on him. And again. And again.

Then Dick rang and nope. He was not dealing with their shit. Dick would just sweeten up whatever shit B wanted to shovel.

And then Oracle's ringtone rang. Oh, now that was serious. Justice League shit spilling into his life again. No fucking doubt about it.

"Uh-huh, so what's up? Because I gotta say, I am a couple drinks in and the whole bar is waiting for one of the football teams to fumble or foul up their next play so they can throw down."

"Jay-" She started because much like Bruce, she would rather go straight into the mission, and Jason absolutely had wrong-footed her. Because instead of making excuses to leave, Jason had absolutely stayed. So now she had to rephrase things on the fly because who knows who might be listening in. "Hey, it's on the news that the Justice League is showing up in Vegas; something about investigating something magical showing up."

"Uh-huh, that's not a surprise. There was some magic ninny flying in a panic earlier. I decided it wasn't my business."

"I hadn't heard that," -bullshit, she just hadn't double-checked that herself yet- "but what I did hear that some cult might have succeeded in bringing something over."

"Uh-huh. Well, no one's praying to Cthulu yet, there's been no troublemaking beyond the usual human malice and nothing's on fire."

"We were just concer-" And Jason hung up on Oracle.

He'd pay for that later, but petty was satisfying now.

"Sounded important."

"Was bullshit."

"So an entity summoned by a cult that tripped a bunch of magicians into a tizzy-"

Yeah, those sharp ears were not for show. Enhanced hearing check. "That's a bunch of incompetents panicking." Time for his good guess to hit or miss. "You're not going to decide to destroy Vegas, are you?"

"Done it before, doing it again seems pointlessly petty." Statements Jason wasn't going to prod further right now.

"And what if Wisconson University loses?"

"Might flip the table." Dan shrugged.

"More beer?" Jason asked.

"Sure."

[dalekofchaos]

Doctor Doom gets ruined AND WHITEWASHED AGAIN!

4 attempts to get Doctor Doom right

4

And we STILL can’t get this right

A master of magic and science. A man who rivals Doctor Strange and Reed Richards as the most powerful sorcerer and the smartest man alive. He rules an entire country with an army of Doombots. Considered to be one of the greatest Marvel villains. And they still can't get him right. They have to make him a fucking Tony Stark variant. Tony Stark is not Victor Von Doom and Doom is above Tony Stark.

Victor wearing the mask always is integral to his appeal and aura like Vader's mask. It not only hides his vain scars he caused due to his failures, but it closes him off from humanity and makes him believe he’s beyond it.

As far as I'm concerned Marvel Ultimate Alliance and EMH are the only good adaptations of Doom

Doctor Doom being a romani man with a background CENTERING his family's racial persecution. with his ethnicity at the forefront of his motivations and his tragedy. and they really just brought back Robert Downey Jr.

Being romani is INTEGRAL to doom’s character and without that he’s not doom. he NEEDS to be romani and played by a romani character. full stop, don't believe me? Read Book Of Dooms.

Since 1964 Victor von Doom has been established as a Romani character. His childhood was filled with antiziganism and his parents deaths were caused by it. This later led him to become Doctor Doom and overthrow the Latverian government to protect his people

I am so fucking sick and tired of this whitewashing bullshit and the ethnoerasure of Marvel characters.

The Maximoff Twins, The Ancient One, Moon Knight and now fucking Doom.

God fucking forbid an actual Romani actor PLAYS A ROMANI CHARACTER.

But no they pulled another fucking multiverse shit all so RDJ could return and it all feels like blackface from Tropic Thunder

I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT ANTHONY STARK FROM EARTH-11029 OR INFAMOUS IRON MAN

If you wanted evil Iron Man so fucking bad, why didn't you just do Superior Iron Man?

The LAZIEST, DUMBEST, most CONTRIVED BULLSHIT casting ever, Marvel continues to not beat the whitewashing allegations. Doctor Doom deserved better.

Romani actor Charlie Clapman was right fucking there AND HE ENDORSED IT!

I'd even suggest Romani actor Óscar Jaenada as Doom. Again another Roma actor who's actively interested in playing Doom

And you know what? As bad as the 1994 movie was, Joseph Culp the first actor to play Doom in the Fantastic Four (1994) movie by Oley Sassone & Richard Corman. Culp was also white but he very clearly cared for the comics background of Victor von Doom

and you also know damn well they're going to erase everything about Magneto too that makes him who he is… which is his entire fucking background. how horrible of a person do you have to be to repeatedly disrespect the minorities who created these stories?

Doctor Doom is Roma Romani. He is not white. The MCU loves to whitewash its Roma and Jewish characters and it’s time we called them out for it. Dr Doom is not a white man, he is Roma!

They will never nail down the complexity of Victor Von Doom

Every year Doom goes to hell to fight Mephisto to rescue the soul of his mother. He finally won her soul with the help of Doctor Strange only for her to reject him.

No evil Stark replicant will ever fucking match the complexity of Victor Von Doom.

I don't care if this is a one time thing for RDJ. They specifically chose to do this when the fans were begging for a fucking Romani actor. It also doesn't fucking help that Marvel has erased nearly EVERY fucking ethnic character has been whitewashed.

Scarlet Witch & Quicksilver: Erased Romani heritage and whitewashed. Moon Knight & Wiccan: Casted non-Jewish actors. Sabra: Featured in anything at all, and actress is an IDF soldier to make matters worse.

The MCU is full of ethnic erasure, military propaganda & racism. it’s disgusting this is continuing with Dr Doom’s casting. remember to continue to boycott marvel, because of the genocide they support by casting an iof solider to play a character from the zionist terrorist occupation

Dr Doom is one of those villains that it should be IMPOSSIBLE to fuck up but wasting him on a cheap Iron Man nostalgia casting pop might be the way

[cassiebones]

Drama Club AU (planning stage)

Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead with the High School Drama Club AU for Agathario/Vidarkness. This will not disrupt Suburban Magic if I can help it.

some notes:

Agatha is the diva. She wants to be an actress, so she puts her entire being into her performances, including the auditions. She's played some sort of principle character in every play since middle school. Her mother doesn't support this dream and refuses to see her plays, so Agatha has stopped even inviting her or asking for rides home after rehearsals. She walks home in the dark.

Rio Vidal is a techie. She has kind of had a crush on Agatha since elementary school, but has been too nervous to tell her about it. They're kind of friends because they're in the same club. She has no real interest in theatre or background design, but she joined the club to be part of Agatha's friend group. She even started taking the Drama Class in their senior year so that she could continue to be near Agatha, but she's having a hard time coming out of her shell, which makes her grades suffer. She asks Agatha for help and Agatha gets a thrill out of helping a 'lesser actress' improve her skills. She also kind of finds Rio appealing, in a creepy, goth-adjacent type of way. So she's happy to help. Lilia, their drama teacher, sees the girls getting closer and smiling shyly at each other, and hatches a plan.

Lilia is the Drama teacher. She is also the director of the drama club, putting on the shows and all that. Rio and Agatha are in her drama class (as well as showboat Jen) and Rio is just not doing well, despite all of Agatha's help. She likes Rio, though. The girl is scary, but, beneath her aloof demeanor, she obviously cares a lot. Especially about Agatha and her interests. So she assigns an "extra credit" to her class, attempting to get more people to audition for the play (a lot of the kids in her class are just taking it for the art credit) but she specifically suggests this to Rio, who is not doing well in her class. Rio begrudgingly accepts, asking Agatha's help to prepare a monologue for her audition.

Jen is the showboat. She and Agatha have had a kind of rivalry going since second grade, when Agatha gave Jen a water bottle that was infected with the flu so that Agatha could take her lead role in The Wizard of Oz on opening night. Jen has never forgiven her for that though Agatha insists she didn't know it was infected. She had just accidentally given her the wrong water bottle. They've been in competition ever since. Jen is also dating Alice, the techie in charge of music direction.

Alice is another techie. Her mom is a famous pop star, so Alice knows how to play a lot of music and also how to compose her own. She organizes the orchestra for Lilia's shows. She is also a senior and got early acceptance to Juilliard for music. She is openly gay and dating Jen, who is a little more subdued about her bisexuality. But they hold hands in the hall and kiss in the theater, where they've among like-minded individuals. Alice teases Rio about her obvious crush on Agatha. Rio bites back at this, but Alice is kind of her best friend besides Agatha, so she doesn't fight back too hard.

Billy is the freshman. He joins the club in his first year of high school and immediately attaches himself to Agatha, who he's seen lead all the school plays since he was a little kid, just getting interested in theater. Agatha acts like she's annoyed, but she honestly likes having a fan. Billy tags along with them at lunch and they call him their pet (because Rio once called him mascota and he asked what that meant [pet] so it stuck) and teach him important acting tricks. He is one of few boys in Drama, so he's almost a shoo-in for a speaking role, no matter how inexperienced he is. He is dating Eddie, a techie.

The spring musical is coming up and Agatha is desperate for the lead. It's her last play and chance to win against Jen in their ridiculous, long-held feud (she can admit it's ridiculous while also wanting to best Jen, it's not weird), and she just needs to win it. She's also helping Rio with her extra credit monologue and the audition sides. They practice in the library or one of the student study rooms, Agatha instructing Rio how to say her lines, how to believe them, telling her to think of things that evoke those emotions. Rio gets decently good at it.

At the audition, everybody brings their A-game. Agatha does, in fact, get cast as the lead. Jen gets the villain character (which is okay by her, because it makes her and Agatha antagonists). Billy gets a secondary speaking role, but it's more than he'd really hoped for. And Rio gets....the romantic lead opposite Agatha. Rio is taken aback by this, sure that she wouldn't get casted at all because it was just supposed to be for extra credit, but Lilia just smiles and says she must have had a great teacher because she can't imagine not casting Rio with how much chemistry she and Agatha showed on stage. This, of course, was a setup. Lilia cackles to herself about it when she's alone in her office.

Mrs. Davis (prev. Mrs. Hart before her husband passed and she went back to her maiden name, but Agatha cannot remember that to save her life) is the school principal. She loves the theater and spends most of her lunch breaks coming to watch the kids practice their lines for the plays and their class assignments, sitting and laughing with Lilia about little things. Lilia and Sharon might have a little thing going, but it's inappropriate because Sharon is literally her boss. But she knows exactly what Lilia is doing with Agatha and Rio and quietly supports it because at least it's keeping them out of trouble and keeping Agatha and Jen from tearing each other limb from limb. She's an "ally" (but not so much as an ally as a part of that community).

Somebody tell me a good play for them to put on. I'm considering Wicked because I love it so much, with Agatha as Elphaba, Rio as Fiyero, Jen as Madam Morrible, and Billy as Boch, and maaayyyybeeee Wanda as Galinda/Glinda, but idk. Is that too on the nose?

I need thoughts (and prayers) please!

[ipleadbritney]

potions for going out

osctober day 23: potion

choscar, established relationship, magic realism

"You take potions?”

Oscar asks it innocently enough, but the topic is still touch-and-go for Charles. He can't blame Oscar though; their relationship is still new, and they never talked about it properly before.

“Yes,” Charles answers. He tries to keep the tiredness out of his voice. Oscar will want some explanation, more details than a simple yes.

It's nice, being able to predict Oscar's thoughts and moves off-track.

Charles continues, “For going out. The potions hide my identity.”

Oscar blinks. “How?”

The how part is complicated. Charles isn't sure for himself. He's always believed magic's meant to free-flow. He never saw the appeal of bottling magic until he became an F1 driver with all the regulations and international laws.

Oscar is still waiting for an answer— head propped up on his palm, watching Charles pack his luggage from the comfort of Charles’ own couch. They're catching the same flight.

“They blur my face,” Charles says, shrugging, “and makes it easier to blend in.”

“And do you? Blend in?”

Charles nods. It's not a perfect solution, but no potion ever is. “Arthur's coming with us. Be nice.”

“Sure.” Oscar uncurls and starts packing his own bags. Unlike Charles, he travels light. Charles brings additional clothes for him, anyway.

“Sorry about asking,” Oscar says a few minutes later. “I sensed you were uncomfortable.”

“I didn't mind much. It's you.”

Oscar's face turns red. Charles takes the opportunity to press a quick, soft kiss on his cheek. Just because. Oscar turns an even deeper shade.

“You blush too easily,” Charles giggles. “Maybe you should take a potion for it.”

“Maybe,” Oscar says. “But I don't like the taste of them.”

“Me too. I hate their taste, but I have to take them.”

“What happens if you don't?” Oscar loops their hands together, giving Charles a small squeeze for comfort.

Charles smiles at Oscar's gentleness. Now that they're dating, Oscar's part of the reason why he has to take potions. “Mobbing. Fred says my face is a safety issue.”

Oscar huffs out a small laugh, surprised. Charles thinks of bottling the sound. “Oh. I guess I didn't…”

“No, no, it's fine. You have never taken one, then?”

“Never needed it, really. People don't remember my face all too well.”

It's Charles’ turn to laugh. “What?”

“I always take pictures for fans. When I'm with Mark or Lando, the fans ask me to take pictures. Sometimes they don't realize it, and we don't point it out, too.”

“But you're famous,” Charles says.

“Not as famous as you, and not as pretty.”

The word pretty should wash over Charles at this point. He's heard every version of it. But it's Oscar, his Oscar, and Oscar doesn't say things he doesn't mean.

Charles takes Oscar's face into his hands. Freckles, brown eyes, pink cheeks. “I don't know what they don't see. You're very, very, very pretty.”

They're probably both flushed and looking absolutely foolish.

Oscar laughs again. This time, Charles bottles it with his mouth, captures it.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 莲花楼/Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Mysterious Lotus Casebook is a 2023 drama about a beautiful twunk who just wants to die of his chronic illness in peace, except that neither the dumbass purebred dog of a man who has decided they're best friends now nor the jock begging him for a rematch are going to let him go without a fight (in the latter's case, literally).

Also they ride around in a magical bamboopunk RV.

I have referred to it elsewhere as "the CW presents: Nirvana in Fire," and I stand by that assessment. (I orginally called it Tiger Beat Nirvana in Fire, before realizing that Kids These Days will not get that reference. Shout out to the other elder millennials in the audience!)

There's been a lot of English-speaking fandom buzz about this show, to the point where if you're in these circles, I'm sure you've heard about it before. I know I had by the time I started watching -- which left me largely unprepared for the actual viewing experience, because the parts of the show that fans talk about are not a representative sample of the show itself.

This drama can be a good time. It's fun to watch. It has some hilarious beats and also some emotional moments. It spent its not-huge budget very smartly, and as such is generally quite lovely to look at. As my League of Nobleman rec will attest, I appreciate raw materials, and this is a show that has some fascinating raw materials.

(Or some materials that need to get rawed, take your pick.) (Also, it's not my fault they didn't do a dramatically lit Fang Duobing shot so I could round out the trio here.)

You'll find some people out there who've gone real hard for this show, doing some deep analyses and getting really emotional over it. I don't want my gentle ribbing to give the impression that those silly fans are delusionally talking like the show's a five-star restaurant when it's really just a fast food joint. Not so! There's a reason it's captivated a whole lot of people! And in case you might be one of those, allow me to give you five reasons you should consider watching it.

1. This bitch

The main character, Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi is probably 50% of the show's appeal all by himself. He's fascinating. He's gender. He's fashion. He's been afflicted with a substance we called "bitch poison" the whole time we were watching. He has many emotions. He cries a lot. He coughs up blood every other episode. Cheng Yi is putting his whole lianhuassy into this performance, and it shows.

I made the Nirvana in Fire comparison earlier, and I stand by it for a lot of reasons, but the truth is that he's actually much more Opposite Day Mei Changsu: Li Lianhua wants all this stuff to fuck off and leave him alone forever. He is not seeking vengeance, nor does he particularly want to Do Schemes, but Circumstances keep dragging him back into the thick of all this nonsense he thought he left behind when he (mostly) died ten years ago.

The thing is, he used to be a real dick back when he was a kid. And I mean a real dick. He was a dick to his chronically insecure adoptive older brother. He was a dick to his girlfriend with the personality of wet tissue paper. He was a dick to the handsome loser who liked his girlfriend. He was a dick to his followers. He was basically just a cocky little shithead who thought he was the best at everything -- and he actually was the best at everything, which just made it worse.

Li Xiangyi used to think everything (especially himself) was sooooo important, and now that life has massively kicked his ass, Li Lianhua had come around to the position that nothing is actually that important, so let's just all chill and grow vegetables. He doesn't want a rematch. He doesn't want to retake his rightful place as the head of anything. He just wants to pay his respects to the dead before he joins them.

Now will everybody please just stop moving into his house.

2. goof-ass jianghu nonsense (affectionate)

As I mentioned earlier, everything I'd seen about the show on Tumblr had still left me absolutely unprepared for what a silly ride it is. Because it's silly. Hoo boy, is it silly. My wife dubbed it "lace front Phoenix Wright," just to give you a metric for how silly we're talking. Ace Detective Fang Duobing never cross-examined a parrot, but I feel he came close.

This show has some serious goof-ass jianghu nonsense -- you know, the sort of stuff that's impossible and ridiculous, except everybody’s going to treat it like it's just a normal part of existence. Here's a short and certainly inexhaustive list:

mind-controlling bugs

other bugs that control the mind-controlling bugs

ex-conjoined twins

a grown-ass man who can compress himself into bitchy third-grader

grave-robbing societies with secret brag language

so much nonconsensual qi-blocking performed by poking people in the boobs, that can't be safe, everybody wear thicker shirts

magical crossdressing powers

a bad guy who looks like this

a princess who can get abducted and sex-trafficked and, like, nobody really notices? huh.

healing childhood paralysis by the power of believing in yourself

a ... hallucination pit? what was that, anyway?

so. many. mechanisms.

the equivalent of the "he's only mostly dead" business from the Princess Bride

a gradually lethal bookshelf

the strange amnesia everyone suffers from where a dude can cover maybe 30% of his face and render himself immediately unrecognizable to long-time friends and associates

The thing is: I think this goof-ass jianghu nonsense is a legitimate selling point. I found it so fun. I turned off my need for show elements to obey little things like the laws of physics, and I had a good time. It can be a very funny drama, in part because it knows how silly a lot of its shit is, and it chooses to go full speed ahead with a sincere heart. If you are down for some shounen absurdity, you are in for a treat.

However:

2.2. goof-ass jianghu nonsense (derogatory)

I'm granting myself a sub-point here, because this is an important qualifier for the previous point.

I'm going to assume, based on what I've seen from fan responses, that many of the people who really like this show actually don't like the goof-ass jianghu nonsense. They are here for the BL vibes (after all, there are three cute boys who alll have some intense emotions about one another), and therefore downplay all the parts that aren't that. I want to make it clear that this is not a bad thing to do. There are many, many properties where I myself fixate on a single element and toss the rest into the sea. No judgment here.

However, since this is a post written to convine you to watch something, I want to make it clear what you're going to get if you dive in. If you're one of those people who skips scenes and/or entire episodes when your ship of choice isn't onscreen, you're probably going to be doing that a lot here. (I mean, I can't imagine doing this, but Tumblr has taught me that fandom is a rich tapestry.) The bones are good, but the connective tissue can be questionable.

The main thing I wish I'd known before starting is that the mysteries are not the selling point. They are the celery that gets the cute boy peanut butter to your mouth. You, the viewer, absolutely cannot solve them; you're never given enough context or information to keep up with the detective lads, much less get ahead of them. Everyone does everything in the most convoluted way possible, to the point of comic absurdity. Finding out whodunnit is rarely that satisfying, because too often the culprit is Jianghu Steve, You Know, That Guy Over There With The Superpower The Characters All Know About But You'd Never Heard Of Before Thirty Seconds Ago.

The goof-ass jianghu nonsense feels like the place where the show I see fans talking about least lines up with the show that actually exists. And I think that's a shame, because I think the show that actually exists is actually a good time! It's just, you know ... silly.

3. Whenever Di Feisheng's not onscreen, all the other characters should be asking, 'Where's Di Feisheng?

This drama gets sold like it's the adventures of three guys together. (Hell, I kind of did it myself in the intro.) This is not the case. This is the tale of two guys who do most of the plot stuff near one another, and their occasional third, Di Feisheng.

This is a 40-episode series and I swear this guy's onscreen for maybe 15% of the time -- and for half of that, he's just off doing his own thing anyway. He disappears entirely for huge chunks of the series, which is a crime, because he is my absolute favorite.

He is the rare grumpy himbo. He doesn't just have resting bitchface, he has bitchface for all occasions. He somehow has bitchface even during the rare moments he actually smiles. He's got a whole traumatic backstory, but the traumatic backstory is not the reason for the bitchface. He's Just Like That.

(Important to note that the actor himself only slightly has a resting bitchface. Xiao Shunyao can look normal and indeed quite pleasant. He has simply leaned into it real hard for this grouch.)

The one -- one -- reason I can accept his being gone for so ding-dang much of the show is how often he re-emerges with perfect, hilarious timing. Thank goodness the show realizes how much comedic potential his character has, because his unexpected entrances are some of the best laugh-out-loud moments of the series. If the show had taken Di Feisheng as seriously as Di Feisheng takes himself, he would have been unbearable. As it is, he's an unmitigated delight.

While you losers were being heterosexual, he studied the blade.

He makes the perfect foil for both Fang Duobing, who's the human equivalent of a puppy trying to gnaw an elephant to death, and Li Lianhua, who just wants to be excused from this narrative. Di Feisheng and Fang Duobing are basically two dogs fighting over their favorite toy, and their favorite toy is Li Lianhua, who really wishes he weren't. Some of the most compelling and fun moments of the series are when these three losers are all together.

And these three losers are barely all together.

This show is Not Danmei. It's so Not Danmei that I had a tremendously difficult time while making this post finding either official images or screencaps with even two of them in frame at the same time, much less all three. It is, however, a Danmei Starter Kit. I mean, the tag on AO3 has, at present, 742 works in it (283 in English). That's just since July! There are years-old c-drama shows that have a fraction of that fan output! And I'm willing to bet a big reason why is how little the very intense boys with ridiculously compelling interpersonal dynamics actually interact onscreen.

But, I hear you asking, why would less of what the fans want equal more fan goo? Well, friends, that's exactly what the fan goo is for: filling in the blanks. And this here show has a lot of blanks. Look, I've made a very scientific diagram (that many people seem to agree with) about how this all works:

The Hump of Compelling Mediocrity is the place where the amount of stuff worth thinking about far outpaces what the show actually contains of said stuff textually. It is the ideal location for imagination adventures.

Di Feisheng and Li Lianhua's relationship in particular lives right in the middle of that hump, what with the huge gaps in their backstory and all. They are a pair made entirely of unanswered questions. What the hell is going on there? What's their whole history, beyond the big fight? Why are they like this about one another? The show refuses to say. Whatever you imagine, you're correct. Now go tell AO3 about it.

interlude: God's perfect dipshit

I feel like I'm engaging in Fang Duobing erasure in the rest of this post, since he's not at the tip of any of the points I'm making, so I'm going to add a picture of him here, because I love him and want to pinch his perfect little cheeks.

You know what I am shocked by? How the MLC/DMBJ reincarnation fics apparently have not taken hold yet. I give it another two months.

4. IT HAS A DOG

FOX SPIRIT, MY SWEET BABY

'You mean the dog gets a whole selling point to himself' yes the dog gets a whole selling point to himself, because he is a very good dog and a very good boy (and his actor is a very good girl)

Apparently he has a whole backstory in the novel that never gets included in the drama, including an explanation of why he's named "Fox Spirit," if you feel like going and reading up on that.

Sadly, Fox Spirit is in the show even less than Di Feisheng is, and that is a crime, because he could have solved all these silly human mysteries in thirty minutes flat, Wishbone-style.

Dogs are so good.

5. One bad, bad girl

Do you like an unhinged villainess? Someone who's been sucking down Crazy Juice since beat one? Because oh boy, this show's got one of those for you.

Jiao Liqiao wants two things: to rule the world, and to make Di Feisheng her pretty little housewife. And whomst among us does not understand these two impulses?

She's not even the Big Bad! She's mostly just Di Feisheng's personal nightmare. She is the type of woman for whom the phrase "he's just not that into you" was coined. You've got everyone around her telling her, honey, I don't even think I've ever seen him look at a pair of breasts, while she's already planned their whole wedding menu and reserved the venue.

She has spent the last ten years of Di Feisheng's extended vacation making sure she's the one who's actually in charge, functioning as the point person for all the other evil schemes going on. Instead of handing over the reins upon her himbo boss' return, she's just going to keep doing what she's good at. As long as he keeps doing exactly what she wants him to do, she's gonna let him do it. If he gets out of line, well, there's always Plan B (the B stands for Breaking all of his tendons and making the world's surliest RealDoll).

I love the fact that she's so obviously evil, and he can't see it. To a certain point, it's not his fault -- everyone who serves under him is pretty obviously evil, so that doesn't make her special. But she's real evil even above and beyond that, and his dumb ass can't stop thinking about Li Lianhua long enough to notice any of the hundred or so knives she's aimed right at his back. He's so uninterested in her constant advances that he doesn't register how wanting to fuck someone and wanting to overthrow someone are not mutually exclusive desires.

(Was I bothered throughout most of the series by how her lipstick should be a little more crimson and a little less coral? Yes, but I'm not going to hold it against her. She's busy doing evil stuff. She'll get over to the nearest Jianghu Sephora and restock one of these days.)

While the show occasionally sidelines or straight-up forgets about a lot of its supporting characters for several episodes at a time, it never forgets to check in on what Jiao Liqiao's up to. Claws out, hair done, she is at all times a constant glorious, scenery-chewing menace with excellent taste in terrible men. Absolute legend.

Bonus: These two sluts

They don't get to be a full point because they're not nearly in the show enough, but just look at them. This is peak male character design. Slutty undone hair and slutty bare forearms, be still my bisexual heart.

Going to give it a try?

iQiyi's got you exclusively, baby.

Have I sounded a little defensive in this rec? Yeah, probably. It's just that I know there's a big and pretty intense fandom out there for this already, and I feel like a jerk coming in and being like "sure, it's fun!" when people are posting about how it made them cry for weeks. I want to be clear that that's not a bad reaction to have, while at the same time also being clear that that's not the reaction I had.

I might not even have written this rec, had I not been nudged to -- not because I don't think it's worth watching (I clearly do!), but because I don't know how much help it needs from the likes of me. There are plenty of other evangelists out there that'll give much more enthusiastic recommendations (like this one).

But the truth is that not every show has to be a heartbreaking work of staggering genius to everyone. I watched the show, and I liked it, and I had a normal time.

I also think there's something to the way I watched it, which was: one episode per day, schedule permitting, such that it took nearly two months for me to finish it. (And before you think I singled MLC out for this, this is actually how I watch most c-dramas.) I bet binging it is a way different experience, one where what rises more readily to the top is the tragic throughline of Li Lianhua's whole deal. If you're inclined to skip things not immediately germane to your points of interest, this is definitely the show to take at a solid run.

I actually paused in the middle of making this rec and made the one for the Blood of Youth, because the two invite comparisons: jianghu tales with chronically ill protagonists, some imperial bullshit going on, pretty boys with swords being weird about one another. Mysterious Lotus Casebook did not grab me as hard as the Blood of Youth, because MLC went for a more understated take on all its nonsense, instead of shooting completely over the top, which is how I prefer my nonsense (as the record will show). If you take your silliness with a subtler flavor, this could be the perfect thing for you.

Maybe you'll wind up being one of those people who gets their whole insides totally ripped out by this drama! But even if you don't, you're probably going to have a good time watching it anyway. And really, what more can you ask for from a show than that?

Peace, nerds.

[fairytale-poll]

MODERN ADAPTATION BRACKET WINNER ANNOUNCEMENT POST!!!

We have finished another tournament (or rather, two mini-tournaments!) Thank you guys for another great one, the results really surprised me this time around!! I apologize for deciding not to hold a Loser's Bracket & Mod's Choice poll this time around, but both will be back for the next tournament.

Before we go into the winners, however, I want to say that this blog is officially a year old! I opened submissions for our first tournament, Red Riding Poll, on July 26th of 2023, and the first rounds of the poll came in the early days of August 2023! Since then, we have hosted 4 tournaments (Red Riding Poll, Cinder Poll, Little Merpoll, & Modern Adaptation Brackets) and it's truly been a great experience! I can't wait to see how many more brackets we will do in the future :)

Okay, onward to the winners!

We will start with the Best Modern Bracket. The quarterfinalists for that one were Once Upon a Time and The Sisters Grimm! Once Upon a Time has been a decisive pick, being both on the Best and Worst brackets, but since it only placed in the Best bracket it must have some merit to it! :) As for the Sisters Grimm, it was definitely a popular choice and probably would've won the whole bracket if it did not have to go against the eventual first-place winner/that said first-place winner wasn't in the tournament. I've never read it, but if I were to give "fan favorite" award for this bracket it would definitely win it. Congratulations to fans of both of these fairytale crossover series for the bronze medal!

The semifinalists of the Best Modern Bracket was Hook! This is another one that I haven't watched, but Robin Williams' old movies are definitely great nostalgic picks (RIP). Though technically Peter Pan isn't a fairytale, I think that it is often listed with them enough that it should count, so congrats to Hook for carrying that win!

Finally, the winner of the Best Modern Bracket was none other than the magical girl classic, Princess Tutu!!! This is one of my favorite anime series that I don't see often, so I was more than surprised to see it not only submitted but win (and by a lot, too! It practically swept every poll it went against, even things like Ponyo which I really thought was going to carry the win due to how universally loved it is!) A delightful series that definitely deserves the love, I couldn't be happier to see that this little duck made it all the way to the gold <3

Applaud to the Best Modern Bracket winners!!! Now, get ready to point and laugh at the Worst Modern Bracket winners!!! (Or losers, in a way, if you think about it). Okay, but in all seriousness, if you like any of these listed for the Worst Modern Bracket, try not to take offense! This is all in good fun :)

The quarterfinalists for the Worst Modern Bracket were Avalon High and Sydney White! Sydney White was one of those that were in both brackets, but it only ranked in the Worst one. As for Avalon High, I have been told that the dislike for this one was more so for it being a bad book-to-movie adaptation, which is interesting to hear. Anyway, I haven't watched either, so I have no witty comments.

For the semifinalist, we have Hooked! Another Peter Pan adaptation in the 2nd place, go figure... Well, I feel as if this book was more well-known, it could've gone to #1 as people tended to have a lot of strong feelings on this. I admit, the summary doesn't make it sound too appealing to me... well, here it is with the silver for that!

The winner was obvious to me as soon as the bracket started. And I was right on the money, for none other than Beastly got the winning title of the Worst Modern Bracket! It has all the pitfalls of bad Beauty and the Beast adaptations that I've noticed and it's certainly quite infamous (especially after the Jenny Nicholson video)! I distinctly remember seeing the commercials for it on TV when I was a kid and thinking "that movie looks weird... is that what teens like?" Apparently not, since it didn't do so well! Nobody deserves the honor of being called the Worst Modern Bracket like this movie, good job!

aaaannnnndddd that's it for the modern bracket polls! Thank you everyone who participated. Our next tournament as voted on by you guys will be Best Fairy Godmother. I don't have a figure of when I will open submissions, but I would say at least two weeks. See you then! <3 <3 <3

[sakurapika]

What are your all-time favorite outfits from Twisted Wonderland?

Hello @letterstoear, thank you for ask! I've had a lot of fun making this post, and I'm so sorry that it took forever to answer!

Every time I was certain I had my list narrowed down, I remembered another outfit I really liked. (Also, I'm a little bit biased, as you will see...haha). This time, I focused on event outfits to make it easier for myself. Maybe in the future I'll post my "reviews" on dorm uniforms or Halloween costumes.

I am always blown away by the the little details that Yana Toboso and the rest of the design team have added to each of characters' outfits, because they give some interesting insight to their personalities and backgrounds.

Without further ado, let's discuss some outfits! (Please note that there are spoilers for upcoming events from the JP server, as well as some groovy arts!)

My Favorite Twisted Wonderland Outfits

10. Floyd's Outdoor Wear (Vargas Camp)

Most of the outfits on my list are on the extravagant side. I recently bought a volume of Black Butler, where there was a note about how Yana Toboso loves to draw clothing, and it truly shows.

But in contrast to seeing our beloved characters in over-the-top costumes, it's refreshing to see them wearing casual outfits once in a while as well and see their individual, everyday styles.

I'll admit that I haven't played any of the Vargas Camp events, and have a grand total of zero (0) cards from this series. I'm not sure why; I always miss the event's runtime for some reason.

Still, I've always loved Floyd's little sling bag with the eel keychain, as well as the teal visor. The bright colors stand out and are appealing.

The whole outfit looks like something you could get from a store like Uniqlo, and sometimes it is nice to have that sort of realism in a magical game. He looks like an ordinary teenager I could find on the street. Except...if I did find Floyd on the street, I'd be running in the other direction. But that's not the main idea here.

9. Azul's Glorious Masquerade Outfit

At first, I sort of forgot that this SSR existed. When the PV for Glorious Masquerade came out, I was more focused on Malleus.

However, eventually, many people began to cosplay as GloMas Azul, and they all looked so amazing. I began to appreciate the outfit more after seeing people pose and dance in it. Azul also tends to have some of the best fanart, and fans have spared no expense when drawing him wearing this.

My favorite part of the outfit is his coat. I like the silhouette it creates with a high-waist belt, and the long coattails that resemble tentacles. The ruffles on his trousers are cute, too. I would buy a pair if I could. Unfortunately, it's hard to see these details on his in-game sprite.

As for his accessories, the pearls are so dramatic (and so very Azul). His round glasses are also cute, I hope he wears them again!

8. Idia's Suitor Suit

One look at Idia's Ghost Marriage outfit, and you can really tell that it was designed by Yana Toboso. His gloves, coat, and cravat make him look like he's in the Victorian Era. Also, doesn't he look sort of like Grelle from Black Butler?

Speaking of Grelle, Idia's outfit is meant to look more like funeral attire, between the long, black coat and the lilies pinned to his shoulder. There are also skulls hidden throughout his outfit, such as on his jacket chain and cufflinks. I was still new to TWST at the time, so I just thought that Idia liked gothic clothing. I didn't realize he was (at least in his mind) attending his own funeral!

Let's not forget his new hairstyle! This is one of Idia's first SSRs if I remember correctly, so it was exciting to see him with a ponytail.

My love for this outfit also comes from my love for the story associated with it. Fans have pointed out that Idia's "arranged marriage" with Eliza parallels the myth of Hades and Persephone. The design team and Yana were so clever for this.

I don't have this card, either, but I hope to pick him up one day!

7. Ortho's Fairy Gear

The Shroud brothers are luckyーthey are probably two of the characters with the most SSRs in the game.

That being said, we all have to agree that Ortho's fairy gear is one of the most unique and avant-garde cards in the game.

I really enjoy the white and gold color scheme in this event. His color-changing wings are stunning, and the piece covering his eyes makes him look very mysterious.

I thought this card was cool when I first saw it, but then I learned that Ortho's outfit and hair can turn pink, which is even better.

Every time I see his "pointe shoes," it makes me imagine Ortho and Idia trying to learn how to dance together in Idia's room, and Idia obsessively studying ballet costumes for his younger brother.

Yet again, I don't have this card, but my best friend does! At least I can admire him from her phone...

6. Silver's Rabbit Wear

There is no way that this outfit is just an R card! When this card was first advertised in one of the JR rail train stations, the pictures showed this card with Deuce's hometown in the background instead of the standard Diasomnia R background, so I thought that this card would at least be an SR. (Although I can't complain so much, because that means it's free!)

Silver is so princely. I am convinced that he can look good in anything. I am fond of pastel colors, and the pink/blue color scheme suits him, as the TWST version of Aurora. The bows may be silly, but I find them adorable.

Compared to the other boys in this event, Silver's outfit looks a little more like a soldier's (albeit a toy soldier's or a nutcracker's), which is a cool touch.

5. Deuce's Rabbit Wear

Deuce's hometown event was truly one of my favorite events that came out in the JP sever last year. Not only were some of my most favorite characters there, but they were dressed up in the most whimsical outfits possible. (And we got to meet Deuce's motherーshe's the coolest!)

Since Deuce is the main character of this event, his outfit bears the most resemblance to the white rabbit's in most classic illustrations, complete with a bow tie, top hat, and, of course, his pocket watch. His outfit has a blue color scheme. Like Azul in GloMas, Deuce also wears round glasses in his groovy art. Overall, it looks like the sweet ouji style, although I'm not very familiar with this sub-fashion. If anyone who is reading this has studied/worn this style of fashion, please let me know!

I used to play Love Nikki and Shining Nikki (two fashion-themed gacha games), which also featured lolita dresses inspired by Alice in Wonderland characters. For this reason, Deuce's outfit in particular feels very nostalgic to me.

4. Lilia's Right General Armor

Here's another departure from the cute pastel outfits...

Sleeping Beauty was one of my favorite Disney movies as a child. I always remembered Maleficent's "goons" as short, silly little creatures wearing simple green tunics.

So how on earth did we get to Right General Lilia Vanrouge?!

Seriously, I'm just stunned by how the artists looked at the source material and created something so radically, yet wonderfully, different.

I'm curious about the green stones (jades?) on his outfit--around his waist, there are several pieces attached to tassels, and he has two strapped to his right leg. The material matches the stone used for his weapon. Maybe it represents his status in Briar Valley. If you check his (unposed) sprite, you can also see that he is wearing something around his waist that looks like folded bat wings.

Like everyone else, I'm obsessed with his long hairーit makes him look so formidable, especially with that hood. My friends and I like to joke that his ponytail makes him look like a character in a Chinese martial arts drama.

Again, the story associated with this card made me love it even more. Few books have made me cry as much as Book 7 of TWST.

3. Malleus' Glorious Masquerade Outfit

While Sleeping Beauty was my favorite movie as a young child, when I got older, I began to love The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It was only natural for this outfit to be among my favorites for this reason.

There are so many details here. The feathered hat. The sheer sleeves. The golden embroidery. The split cape. It's honestly overwhelming to take in at once.

I can say that my favorite detail is his green earrings. They really bring out his eye color, and the PV made them so sparkly.

In addition, everyone I've ever seen who has cosplayed as GloMas Malleus or has drawn fanart of him has increased my appreciation of this outfit.

[Now for some very spoiler-y stuff] The fact that this event came just before the release of Chapter 7 is worth noting. Doesn't it feel a bit tragic that just before Malleus' overblot, we have a chance to see him wearing an outfit that makes him look especially like his mother, having fun and being the star at the masquerade? And what about the feathers on his shouldersーdo they hint at another side of his family? There's so much foreshadowing and mystery going on, and nothing is more suitable for the occasion than masquerade attire.

2. Kalim's New Year Attire

I've already rambled about how sentimental this outfit is to me in a previous post, but in summary: New Year is my favorite holiday, and the New Year's Sale event was the first event I "seriously" participated in. Kalim looks excessively cute and festive in his kimono, and every time I see this card, I feel nostalgic and in the holiday mood.

1. (Tied) Epel's Applepom Outfit and Riddle's Beach Outfit

I'm really sorry, Epel and Riddle are my favorite characters, and in the end, I refuse to chose between them. They're like my younger brothers! I try to collect all of their cards, so I pay attention to their outfits the most, and picking only one outfit for each character was a challenge in itself.

My favorite part of Epel's Applepom outfit is his cloak. It looks so fluffy and warm. When you set him as your home screen character, you also have the option to "swap looks" and see his outfit without the cloak--the apple embroidery on the rest of his outfit is very detailed. Many fans have mentioned that the outfits people wear in Harveston resemble traditional Scandinavian clothing, which is really cool!

The little apple slices on his cap are everything.

And I'm always happy to see characters in different hairstyles, such as Epel's little ponytail.

One of my headcanons is that you're allowed to call Epel cute, but only when he wears this specific outfit, because he takes it as a complement to his culture.

As for Riddle, we're all so used to seeing him wearing formal suits. It's so nice to see him loosening up for once. He looks so happy, now that he has the chance to see the ocean for the first time!

I also happened to be on vacation at the beach around the time this event came out, so it felt like a gift.

I have to laugh a little, because there are so many flowers on his outfit. Even Jack pointed it out in the story. But he looks so cute!

I suppose we have to discuss the elephant in the room. My friend saw it before me, so she spammed me with messages along the lines of "RIDDLE IS WEARING A CROP TOP!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!" and I naturally thought she was pranking me. But lo and behold, it's the truth. I like to headcanon that among the rest of the cast in this event, everyone has made an unspoken mutual agreement not to mention it. This Victorian child has already been through enough, and not a word must reach Mrs. Rosehearts.

Thank you once again for the ask! For anyone who read all of this, what do you think about these outfits, and which ones in the game are your favorite?

[the-black-bulls]

I like the headcannon game, how about Luck or magna :D

seeing a headcanon you disagree with and it kinda pisses you off

y'all want me to ramble about luck alright lol, already did magna here and I don't think I've more to add, so this post is for luck, vanessa and the bulls relationship in general!

Luck:

- I think a lot of people just assume that luck hates his mom because she's an abusive person, when in reality he's showed nothing but love towards her even after he finally let her go... and honestly, I doubt he would ever hate his mother period (even if he should 🥲), and taking that nuance out of his character doesn't sit right with me

- also, "bad friend luck" is a dumb headcanon that mischaracterizes him, magna, and the black bulls in general

- I'll be honest, I was never into the "half sister charlotte" theory, but especially after it became so widespread people treated it as canon thus it lost its appeal to me and sound boring now (we could always get creative and embrace "half sister sally" theory instead 😛), but nothing wrong about supporting it though

Vanessa:

- manga spoilers alert: there's this headcanon that popped up by charlotte fans at the end of spade which basically reads: "it's her feelings and plea for yami to live that triggered rouge into bringing help for him..." which, why? vanessa was there and grey was there and they don't need to be romantically involved with yami to have strong feelings for his safety be freaking real, not to mention that rouge has always been a black bull spell; it's favored by them and triggered by them and would alter fate for their sake regardless of any outsider's tears, but also... what the hell? we're talking about the spell vanessa developed out of (family) love, the same spell that's connected to her heart, why tf should charlotte be credited in her place is bad enough but stretching so hard to twist what is pretty much a love spell from vanessa to the bulls just so your ship gets petty points is pathetic!

- so anyways, "vanessa needs to find true love" is an awful, awful headcanon (emphasis on need)

Black Bulls Relationships:

- that they only started bonding with each others after asta joined the squad and inspired them to do better, SURE... they did become better magic knights thanks to him, but their development is a long process shaped by each other's presence even if it'd take them years to admit it... this is why when each black bull hits their Development Moment, they always think back of yami, the other bulls, or both, so there's NO WAY they acted like strangers or were unhelpful to each other prior to the year asta and noelle became members

- likewise, any headcanon that implies one bull or another is disliked by the others or only barely accepted isn't headcanon, that's straight up mischaracterization, go reread the manga again

- likewise, I believe that just because the manga didn't explore every single relationship within the squad, it shouldn't lead to fans making it like each member's circle is only limited to one to two bulls, like ok luck and magna are each other's #1 person, but luck can still share ties with the other members too... he can be vanessa's little bro, and noelle's big bro, and charmy's partner in crime, and the little gremlin gauche keeps enabling, etc etc

- this post is getting long so one last thing, I think of the black bulls as a team with mutual and equal influence over each other, so unless we're referring to yami there's no "X bull is carrying the squad on their back" or "without X bull the squad will be lost" - because, honestly, it doesn't fit the bulls, they're all so flawed and bad at things they need each other to balance their cons with their pros, case in point I don't do "finral has been the vice captain before nacht" but I DO "vanessa finral gordon are a trio of senpais who've been carrying/sharing vice captain duties for years"

[origins-cheese-wheel]

I'll be honest, I don't like the trailer of the new game.

I feel like what made DAO appealing was lost somewhere along the way. I always liked how Origins was at times almost horror-adjacent, I loved the atmosphere always conveying that The Blight was everywhere and it was a truly dangerous plague. Its aura permeated every nook and cranny of that game. At times it even gave me nightmares, that's how powerful it was.

DA 2's heart remains unmatched. Everything always felt so real and once again you could feel the darkness closing in towards the end, you were rising to the top but at what cost? You were rising to the top, losing everything along the way. Despite the rushed production it remains a fan favourite and most people I know said they could navigate Kirkwall blindfolded lol

Then came DAI...which was...alright I suppose. That's all I can say. I won't shit all over it, I'm not claiming its trash but it definitely has its problems. Huge maps, countless fetch quests and personally, I never felt a strong connection with any of the companions.

BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT

Based on the trailer that came out, by now the creators lost their grip on what made DAO as impactful as it was.

I sure hope the artstyle won't be the same in-game as it was in the trailer because it feels very...juvenile? I'm not saying cartoons or more stylised animation cannot be aimed towards adults but this just feels like it's not part of the same franchise as the rest of the games. It doesn't feel cohesive. It just looks like it's pandering to a demographic that shouldn't even be playing Dragon Age.

Also, I never thought I'd say this but, not everything needs to be "funny". There doesn't always need to be some overused visual gag or a "witty" one liner thrown in. I'm not saying everything has to be fully serious at all times and no fun is allowed but...this just felt, as one of my best friends put it, "Marvel-y" (derogatory ofc).

I know this is probably making me sound like a pessimistic asshole but this is just how I feel. I never had overly high hopes for this game and by now the last bit of it has been snuffed out.

Okay, that's a lie, I'm secretly hoping everything will magically turn out okay and I'll be eating my words. 😭🙏

EDIT: YES IK WHAT WE GOT IS NOT IN-GAME FOOTAGE SO THE VIBE IN THE ACTUAL GAME COULD STILL BE WAY DIFFERENT

[andy-wm]

Why Jungkook made an explicit version of SEVEN, and why we should be thanking him for it.

The answer to the first question is short:

Because he wanted to.

THAT'S IT, AND IT'S ENOUGH.

It's his song, his career, his voice, his time. It's his choice. He doesn't need OUR approval and he certainly doesn't need our permission.

I think we should be thanking him frankly.

Not just because he made a sexy song although I think it's more sweet than sexy personally but also because it's started so many conversations that I think we need to have.

And that's what is really on my mind, The conversations we need to have, not just about JK and his artistry and his choices, but also about ARMY. About us as human beings.

Let's start with him...

JK's Adult Life:

First thing for me is that JK is UNQUESTIONALBLY an adult. But he's a (relatively) young adult in an industry that's very judgemental, controlled, and tightly scheduled.

He may have money coming out of his wazzoo and millions of adoring fans, but he has limited personal freedom. It's sure as hell not an exchange I would make. I'd choose an average income and the freedom to walk down the street hand in hand with my guy without making headlines - every day of the week.

The fact that he has any kind of personal life is cause for celebration in my eyes. And like the 19+ version of the song, it should be his choice.

I hope it is what he wants it to be. I hope he does have s3x every day of the week if he wants it (and I'm quietly cheering him on) but I don't need to know. I'm not going looking for any information (gossip, let's be real) about that aspect of his life because it's none of my business.

JK's Artistic and Creative Choices:

The songs he sings, the photos he poses for, the choreo for his dances, the words he speaks... these are his creative expression. To an extent they reflect who he is as a person, but largely they reflect a concept or story he wants to tell with his music. I would really hate it if he started creating work with the aim of pleasing someone else (ARMY, or the media, or any other entity). To me that would mean he had lost his self-belief, and that his spirit was broken. It would be a sign that he was more motivated by fear of rejection than by his own desires and creativity.

Personally I love that he trusts us and shows us so much of himself through his art. If that ever changed, it would be a sad, sad day indeed.

Cool, that was easy

Now let's talk about ARMY - and for the purposes of this discussion, I'm talking about ALL OF ARMY but mostly in relation to JK.

ARMY - Our Diverse Fandom:

The fandom has a beautifully broad demographic. I love that about us. Of course it means we have differences, but if we acknowledge that and we respect each other's right to those differences, we are all good.

And because we are all fabulously unique individuals, it's a given that not everything JK (or BTS) creates will appeal to every one of us.

BUT...

We can support their right to make creative choices without engaging with the things that don't work for us.

If some ARMYs are uncomfortable with explicit lyrics, they can scroll past/skip/block songs that are outside their comfort zone.

If some of ARMYs are minors, their parents can supervise their media consumption (because that's their job as parents).

If some ARMYs feel that songs about making woopie aren't their jam, they can instead listen to other songs that are more to their taste.

Magic! Problem solved!

Not really...

We really do need to talk about S3X

ARMY, we are humans:

Most humans have s3x. As adults (hopefully), when we are ready (hopefully), and if we want to (hopefully).

So what's the big deal about an adult making a choice to sing about that? We were all fine with him singing about 'loving you seven day a week' but when he clarified what that meant, suddenly there was a crisis.

Is it the word F**K? Because if it is, that word is everywhere and it's honestly just a word. He's sung it before. RM sang it, YG sang it, JM sang it. And let's be real, Letto's lyrics were far more explicit and she didn't say that word once.

WARNING: REAL S3X TALK COMING UP.

Is it because he's explicitly telling us that he's sexually active? Did we forget he's an adult? Where do we think he learned to move his hips like that... yoga?

For the ARMYs who are shocked that JK is sexually active, where do you think you came from? We humans don't reproduce like flowers. You were also concieved. Your parents, your grandparents, your great grandparents, have all had s3x... probably many, many times because s3x isn't only about reproduction. It's also about human connection, pleasure, stress relief, and being an adult.

In his live, JK told us that he doesn't consider the explicit lyrics to be 'dirty' and that's awesome.

S3x positivity is healthy both physically and emotionally. Seiously, considering how much of our humanity is linked to this instinctive need, it would be so much better if we weren't conditioned to feel shame about it. If we were instead taught to talk about it comfortably, to express our desires, to understand our bodies, and to protect our rights.

I could go on and on about this (and about control, the patricarchy, and body autonomy) but let's just say that JK is right. It's not dirty, its not immoral. When consenting adults choose to do it with someone they trust it's f**king awesome.

If the term sex positive is new to you and you want to find out more, please do. It could make all the difference in the world to your happiness as an adult. There are many websites you can look at to get more information. This is just one.

Even if nobody else is going to, I am going to say THANK YOU JK for this opportunity to talk about s3x. It's an important part of being human!

*I'm censoring my language so the ratings police don't block this post.

*as always, opinions expressed here are my own.

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I think there's probably NUMEROUS reasons fans have for disliking the Jedi.

I think some people might dislike them because before the Prequels came out there was this alternate perception of what the Jedi were/had been that was primarily dictated by Legends which seemingly based them far more on European Knights than anything else, something which clearly appealed to a lot of people and was familiar and fun as an archetype. People became, ironically, attached to this version of the Jedi that they'd grown up with and so when the Prequels came out and they were NOT in fact European Knights with laser swords and magic powers but Buddhist Monks with laser swords and magic powers, it was jarring. So I hear, at least. I had no concept of Legends and I saw the Prequels first anyway, but I'm told this was apparently jarring for people. So it's just a lot of "Well these aren't MY Jedi from my childhood" going on.

And adding to that, I think some people just disliked the Prequels as a whole and so one way to sort-of reinterpret the Prequels in such a way that they felt they could enjoy them more was to decide that their dislike of the Jedi was the intended reading of the film. It's not that they were misinterpreting it or that Lucas had somehow done it wrong, but that the Jedi being unlikable was the whole point. And this is the ONLY way they can see the Prequel films as enjoyable or worthwhile, so they're not going to accept any other explanation. Either the Jedi are supposed to be the bad guys and the films did exactly what they were meant to do, or the Jedi are supposed to be the good guys and the films failed because they didn't get that across TO THESE FANS.

And when you dislike something that much, it's VERY VERY DIFFICULT to turn that opinion around, even after you see other people make arguments on its behalf. As someone who has pretty strong negative opinions about things, I can speak to that from experience. I know people liked the Ahsoka show and even thought it was genuinely well-written and well-acted, I've seen some of their arguments for why they believe that. But none of those arguments are ever going to mean anything to me because my experience of it was so negative that I don't particularly WANT to like it or have my opinion changed. To me, it's just bad. I can't just force myself to understand it differently than I do at this point, even though I recognize other people don't share my opinion.

So some of those people who just had really negative experiences of the Prequel films and the way they depicted the Jedi might just be in a similar position. No amount of knowing other people interpreted it differently, no amount of arguments in defense of the Prequels and the Jedi, no amount of quotes by George Lucas, is every going to take away from the fact that these fans had a really negative experience with these films that will likely always color their opinions of them.

Some other arguments I've seen about why they dislike the Jedi in particular seem to stem primarily from their feelings about Anakin and the way his relationship with the Jedi was depicted in the films. Some of it might come from people having the hots for Anakin and so they just... don't care about anybody BUT him, but some seems to come more from how young Anakin is in TPM and the way it really changed their perspective on this character who had only ever been a villain prior to that film.

I think people saw the Council scene with this fairly small child in the middle of a room full of adults whose job it is to decide his future and really related to his fear and nervousness and defensiveness far more than they related to the Council being put into a difficult position and trying their best to be objective but not unkind. And while you are SUPPOSED to relate to Anakin here to some extent, you're also supposed to be able to recognize that just because Anakin's fears are valid doesn't mean the Council are wrong to see that he's not prepared for this life and that being a Jedi is likely not going to be the right path for him. That second part seems to elude a lot of people because all they see is a scared little boy and so they insist in the same breath that the Jedi stole Anakin away from his loving mother AND that they should've just let him join the Order no matter what. And so when Anakin starts making bad decisions and killing people and being arrogant, they don't blame Anakin for it, they don't trace it back to Anakin's mistrust and dishonesty, they just decide it was the Council's fault for not giving him everything he wanted immediately and causing him irreparable trauma as a result.

People also I think ended up relating a lot more to ADULT Anakin than they do to the Jedi because Anakin is INTENDED to be relatable, he's got all of the character flaws that are causing the entire story to happen, while the Jedi are primarily side characters who have completed their own character journeys and are now there just to guide others. They're the moral compass of the films, delivering many of their themes and messages, but they're not the HEART of the story the way Anakin is. I think this led to a lot of protagonist bias in some ways where they like Anakin and so they just proceeded to come up with every excuse under the sun for why he was right instead of understanding that even though Anakin was the main character and the heart of the story doesn't mean he's not also a cautionary tale of what NOT to do. That's truly it. It's a very long, very complicated fable for children about the consequences of selfishness and greed.

But people these days OFTEN feel like if they enjoy a character then they cannot also be problematic or do problematic things, so if they enjoy Anakin, despite all of the objectively horrific things that he does, then Anakin just cannot be the one at fault for it. It MUST be someone else's fault. And of course the opposite also ends up true where if someone dislikes a character, then they must come up with a reason for why they're problematic to explain it. And thus we also get the Jedi then becoming the scapegoat for Anakin's choices. They didn't like the Jedi, but they liked Anakin, so of course then Anakin was right and the Jedi wrong all along.

And more and more people who see the Prequels this way are the ones creating new Star Wars content, so we keep seeing more stories that emphasize this idea that the Jedi were wrong and Anakin was right. It's obviously in the Ahsoka show, it's in Rebels, it's in Tales of the Jedi, it's in the Cal Kestis video games, it's in the High Republic novels, it's definitely come up in several of the other Star Wars novels, it was (to some degree) in the Sequel Trilogy, and we know it's going to be in The Acolyte. And of course it's just VERY popular in the Star Wars fandom in general. Most fans aren't going to be looking up George Lucas quotes or watching his audio commentaries and researching what he meant by attachment, so they're just going to consume the content that's available and that content at this point is pretty consistently sending the message that the Jedi were wrong and Anakin was right. It's almost entirely inescapable these days. So I don't necessarily even blame most fans for being Jedi critical, I just personally can't stand it anymore.

[furbrained-ideaz]

OC Group #1

When i come up with ocz, i really like to make them in "groupz", where there are at leazt 2 characterz that are related in zome way [be it friendz, roommatez, ziblingz, loverz, etcetc] In the caze of thiz group, Fodder and Tendro are roommatez and fuck buddiez, and Dj iz Fodder'z boyfriend.

When I made Fodder a long while ago he had originally been juzt a "PWP" oc without much character or lore outzide of that, but when I decided to make DJ i finally got zome lore in mind for him!

SO!!!

A bit of backstory: Fodder is part of a shapeshifting species which are characterized by their floating round heads, simple round-ish bodies, and the fact that each of them are born with a magical ability or "curse" that is most of the time unique to them. In Fodder's case, he was born with the magical quirk of immense sexual appeal to any and every other Sophont who can feel sexual attraction. Because of this, any time he's tried to date someone they [usually] only really want him due to him being "sexy"

Fodder is a Hopeless romantic who loves yaoi and yuri and animation and dreams of one day finding someone who will love him for him, and not because of his "appeal". Because of this, xhey're active on almost every and any dating website and app it can apply to.

Fodder met Tendro when xhe went on a walk in the forest to get it's mind off of another failed date when it came across Tendro's nest on accident. Tendro is part of a tentacle monster species that only feels sexual urges during "That time of the month" [aka something kinda like an estrous cycle], and outside of that tend to not really feel any sexual attraction. Unfortunately for Tendro, he was going through that. Thankfully, Fodder was completely willing to help out, and that eventually lead to the two becoming friends and Tendro moving his nest into Fodder's house.

Tendro is very to himself, preferring to read romance novels and drink hot tea over anything properly romance related. When they do get feelings for someone, his preferred kind of date is the kind where they watch and make fun of shitty reality tv and cuddle on the couch over anything in public. Their friendship with Fodder consists a lot of Tendro being there to comfort Fodder after failed dates, meanwhile Fodder does the shopping for the house including getting Tendro new books whenever he asks. Fodder is always there to help Tendro during his cycles when they want help, and other than that their relationship is [currently] entirely platonic

Dj is the definition of "Cringe", She's a bigender Pan-asexual weeaboo Brony objectophile fictophile who loves to draw comics and write fanfiction. [He doesn't realize that he's asexual until later on] She's the author of the chaos universe's version of homestuck [which i don't currently have a name for]. Her fursona is a alicorn princess Dj, and her object partner is a bodypillow of her favorite anime character, Ayakao from Nyah rainbow glitz.

Dj and Fodder met online on a dating app for anime fans and immediately hit it off, chatting online for almost a month before meeting up on a park date. From that day forward, Dj and Fodder became inseparable. In canon they become lifelong partners and stay together until they eventually die.

[arrenkae]

I'm not seeing nearly enough Wyll content out there so can we just have a Wyll appreciation post?

(contains spoilers)

Honestly not every day you can see the developers just go "this character is not as popular as the others, let's totally redo him and his story"

And man, I really love that they did this (I know that not everyone did; sorry, old Wyll fans). Like, I understood what they were trying to do with old Wyll, it was a potentially interesting character concept, but it just wasn't quite working for me for whatever reason, and then it just. Clicked. His new badass introduction, Karlach quest, earlier Mizora appearance, THE HORNS

...well, maybe part of the appeal to me is his ties to Duke Ravengard, who was an important and beloved (although childless) NPC in our own d&d game set in Baldur's Gate that we played very recently

But it also gives him such strong ties to the main story, especially once you get to Baldur's Gate. It just felt wrong not to take him around with me in the 3rd act, the same way it was with Shadowheart in act 2. Doing his quest and helping him save his father and reconcile with him gave me so many feelings

LOOK AT THIS JOURNAL. I'M NOT CRYING

I also feel like he'd be such a fun origin story to play, very fitting for a heroic protagonist (now, if I ever get to playing origin stories is another question...)

And he is such a bro. Him and Karlach are the ultimate bro team for a good-aligned character. I also remember how people were worried that his "hunting Karlach" quest meant that you won't be able to have both of them in the party, or that you'll have to spend a lot of effort mitigating the conflict between the two; and then you do the quest, and he instantly goes "oh shit, she's not a monster, I've been duped" and this was the moment his character finally got to me

And idk, it also doesn't feel forced? You can tell Karlach at this point that he helped her just because he is a good person, "maybe the best of all of us" - and gods know our party of fuck-ups really needs someone like that. I understand that for some people, he might feel like too much of a "generic human good guy" to be interesting, but come on, so many generic human good guy companions in RPGs are SO MUCH more popular than Wyll, and he deserves more love.

Also I admit I wasn't taking him with me as much in the first half of the game bc I couldn't quite make use of him in combat; but man, what a fool I was. Warlocks RULE. Give him pact of the blade, repelling blast and some good magic items and he's an absolute beast (and that's WITHOUT multiclassing)

Also he and Karlach have such a great chemistry and I totally ship them. I mean, I started shipping them before the ending, and then I god THIS ending for them and I just nearly cried

Goodspeed you horny bastards, hope you tear Avernus apart together

[shouldhavestayedawayfromhere]

The Satanic Bible – book review

Sooo I finished reading the Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey this week, finally. I have a couple of thoughts on it, so I thought I'd share them for those who have, and maybe more importantly, for those who haven't read it. (I'm quite opinionated, so if you're a big fan of his work, consider scrolling)

Firstly, my overall opinion on this books is that it gets progressively worse the more you read. It starts out with some interesting philosophical takes – much of which are not LaVey's own, as I learned. The only truly original part of this book is LaVey's system of magic, which calls upon powers that LaVey does not even believe in, and the deeply rooted despise that he has for Christians, the left-hand-path(LHP), and pretty much anyone who practices magic differently than him.

Imo, LaVey is not a philosopher, nor is he a religious leader. He called a new kind of Satanism into life only to abandon it after it started to evolve on its own (like every religion does). His attempts at being progressive failed miserably. He tried hard to be better than Christians by being inclusive and scientific, but that doesn't hide the fact that he doesn't know what he's talking about.

His magical concept is male-centered and heteronormative, some might even say sexist. His understanding of asexuality is extremely limited and in my opinion (as an asexual), quite controversial and insensitive. LaVey's approach to magic is to stress the fact that he doesn't really believe in magic, so his religion will appeal to the modern and progressive masses. He makes his satanism look scientific by claiming Satan does not exist, but still claims to be speaking for him. Also a bold claim to make.

Yet, when the satanic movement was over and people no longer cared about his edgy ideology, LaVey ditched his own religion, said he didn't wanna be associated with it anymore (he's the founder lmao) and called his fellow satanists "weirdos" and "freaks".

In an attempt to be liberating, he pushed yet another dogma onto people, centering his concept of magic almost entirely around sexuality. And the worst thing yet – LaVey was full of hate and faux pity for 'outsiders'. His work pushes a strong we-vs-them agenda. Wether it's satanists versus Christians or RHP vs LHP, it's ridiculous. LaVey actively slanders and makes fun of people who follow the LHP. He could educate on the topic. He could explain how white and black magic don't exist, how everything is balanced, how dark and light coexist in nature and justify his choice of the RHP that way. But instead, he incorporated his despise for white-light religions & practitioners into his satanic rituals. Rituals which leave nearly no room for any kind of spirituality.

LaVey says himself in the satanic Bible in the chapter about devices used in Satanic rituals: "Satanism is a religion of the flesh, rather than of the spirit". And I couldn't have said it better. His religion has nothing to do with growth and spiritual development. It leaves you exactly where you are, but hey, you can use magic to get money, luck or sex! LaVey didn't believe in Satan, nor any other higher being, yet he used them for his greedy desires and fetishes. He focused in on a minor part of what Satanism really is and got stuck there.

LaVey Satanism, as I see it, it a blunt sexualization of the occult and it holds no spiritual value to me. I don't see TSB as a piece of spiritual educational literature. Rather as a historical and cultural classic that may be of use to understand the evolution of modern occultism. But it's nice to be able to say that I've read it.

My words are a bit harsh here and there, so I wanna clarify that I don't have a problem with anyone choosing to practice this religion respectful of others.

[bigmouthlass]

A few thoughts on the Potterverse, tentpole franchises, art, and business. Disclaimer-- I'm not an industry insider, my thoughts are that of an interested consumer.

So we're in a weird place.

The Potterverse's creator is a howling and unbalanced bigot, people who read the series as kids are re-reading them as adults and figuring out the books weren't very good as books, and in a fair world Harry Potter would be starting it's long slide into irrelevance.

That's not happening, and it won't for a while. Show business corporate giant Warner Brothers holds the media rights, and the state of their bottom line is such they need the Potterverse to turn a profit.

A big one.

Like, Star Wars/MCU big.

So Warner Brothers will not allow the IP to slip out of the public consciousness, and the fan brain being what it is there will always be an audience. But that audience isn't enough to turn the kind of bucks Warner Brothers wants/needs.

My hypothesis -- and that's all it is, I'm hardly any kind of expert on anything -- is that Warner Brothers is in trouble.

Warner Brothers are treating the Potterverse as a quarter-and-quote "tentpole franchise," the kind of property that can support a variety of media to appeal to a broad, general, and self-perpetuating audience. Think the NFL, or Premier League Football in the UK, or FIFA internationally.

That plan, however, has a very simple and obvious flaw.

Harry Potter isn't strong enough to be a tentpole.

I'm not talking about the quality of the writing. A good adaptation is capable of rising above the limits of the source material. Jaws the novel sucks. I know. I tried reading it.

And it doesn't have anything to do with the popularity of the material. People will be going to Potter moves and buying Potter merch for years to come, regardless of how harmful Rowling gets with her bigoted idiocy. Doubt me? The Cosby Show reruns are back on the TV.

The big tentpole franchises -- Star Wars, Star Trek, the MCU, the DCEU -- are drawing on decades of established history, universally recognized characters, and large and loyal fanbases who were ride or die long before film got in on the act. The source material for those IPs, also, include material created by generational talent working at the top of their games-- Bob Kane, Jack Kirby, Stan Lee, Gene Roddenberry, George Lucas, etc.

Harry Potter? Sorcerer's Stone was published in 1997. It's a singular work, by a singular writer.

Another crucial difference is the decades of history and backstory tied up in those tentpoles I listed means that their worldbuilding has been seen to by people who specialize in that sort of detail. Somebody sat down and thought about how hyperdrives and warp drives work, that Superman thrives on Earth because Sol is a yellow star, that Courscant's co-ordinates are 0-0-0, that humanity broke the light barrier in a hotrodded nuke, that the loss of his parents turned Batman into a driven man who still has a soft touch with kids-- the worldbuilding allows for further stories to be told that don't contradict the history already established or the characters people already know and recognize.

The Potterverse? It doesn't work.

Like on a functional level. JK Rowling has a nice turn of phrase and the sincere love she has for her characters shines through the pages. However, at no point did anyone take her aside and go over practical aspects of her universe. Like how is it the choices of a magic artifact made when children are eleven years old sets the social destiny of every citizen of the British Wizarding World for life, why does the Wizarding World consider getting sorted into this House or that an achievement or a failure, why do the adults allow the interHouse competitions to turn into proxy class wars (and this is treated as normal and good), why do parents with other options (like Hermoine's parents, blessed with a daughter that was already showing off-the-charts intelligence) send their children to a school with a fucking body count, why are there only other two Wizarding schools in the entirety of Europe (are boys born in western Europe just SOL because Beauxbatons is girls only?)

. . . then we zoom out into the greater world and this -- excuse me -- this dumbass provincialist hack honestly thinks the entirety of North America -- population 579 million, land area 9.5 million square miles, 24 separate countries, hundreds of distinct cultures, plus the histories of the First Nations and the legacy of Colonialism, plus the distinct Black cultures that grew out of the end of slavery, plus the wave of immigrants that came to the US and Canada at the turn of the last century -- can be adequately served by one school. That's an idea so ridiculous it does bad things to my blood pressure.

And that's just North America. Smarter people than me have pointed out the fundamental problems with how Rowling disbursed her institutions. Why did Warner Brothers not send a few editors Rowling's way and explain some of these home truths? They're stuck with a universe it's difficult to tell stories in, because the worldbuilding is cracked at the foundation. It's kind of a shame, because the history of Wizarding in the United States would make a great jumping-off point for spinoffs.

Warner Brothers have bet on a losing horse. Rowling is not a strong enough creative talent to maintain a franchise of the size and complexity of the Potterverse -- witness the lack of equivalent success from the Fantastic Beasts series -- and the Potterverse itself isn't robust enough to support a media empire the way something like Star Wars has. They're in trouble, and like all corporate interests who neither understand nor care about the creative arts beyond their ability to move merch and sell movie tickets, they're going to keep throwing good money after bad until something forces them to stop. I read a rumor that Warner Brothers is considering buying out Rowling's rights to the Harry Potter property, but seeing as how her cultural clout will be gone the moment she lets Potter go, that is never going to happen.

Keep your airsick bags handy, oh my neighbors and friendos. We're stuck with Harry Potter, and we're going to be for a while yet.

[incomingalbatross]

I guess the thing with Discworld reading order is like. There's a lot of variety and Pratchett does a lot of different things/offers a lot of different experiences under the umbrella of "Discworld." And Discworld fans are passionate enough about the books and aware enough of how niche/out there they might seem that it makes said fans really invested in giving new readers the right introduction to Discworld. Making sure they read the Best Stuff or the stuff most likely to appeal to them, so they'll appreciate it all.

But. But. Have a little more faith in potential readers, maybe? On this website especially - but also generally in any circles where you're likely to receive Pratchett recommendations - I feel like if you've heard the books recced once, you've heard it a couple dozen times, and in terms of very high praise. At which point, if you're interested in checking out the books, you're probably also interested enough to give them a fair shot if the first couple you try don't grab you. If you don't get the Perfect Introductory Experience you're probably still going to keep reading, right? If you're not actively turned off?

I started with Colour of Magic because it was the first book written and I like knowing that I'm not missing anything. I love Rincewind, I was intrigued and amused by the writing, and it also was definitely not High Art. I kept going because I'd been recommended Discworld, and I wasn't going to stop because the first few books were "only" clever and entertaining sword-and-sorcery parodies. I was along for the ride. I wanted to explore.

And the other thing is that the reading charts are fun, but they make it seem like the initial reading order matters so much more than it does? Every book stands well on its own, pretty much, and certainly none of them need complete context. Anything set in Ankh-Morpork is going to give general spoilers for the books before it - mostly in terms of "who's alive, who's in the Watch now, what infrastructure changes have been created" - but they don't spoil plots or book-level arcs. I read several Watch and Witches books out of order, because I got impatient waiting for access, and it didn't ruin anything significant for me.

Anyway. Discworld reading order doesn't matter and that's why there are so many options. Publication order is a fun and valid road to take. Picking up whatever you can get your hands on easily will also work. If you want to read Pratchett, then literally all there is to it is reading Pratchett.