#not that that matters tbh it doesnt really change anything

[misarumis]

Welcoming the Night with You - part 1 page 2

[gothcarmelasoprano]

maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me

[mgsdelta]

being poor is literally so miserable

[phagodyke]

hmm.

[sgt-bluesummers]

CoD:MW 141 headcannons bc I'm insane !!!!!

(This will be for og bc I haven't played the remakes yet (I kind of want to just for gaz and ghoap tbh bc I love how gaz fans write him..))

💀Ghost:

Obviously very untrusting of ppl due to *gestures at all of him* but for the few ppl he does trust and is close with he is absoloutly clingy. You will barely ever find him and roach apart unless one is off on a mission without the other

Trans. You can decide which way but Ghost is trans you cannot change my mind

ALOT of internalised homophobia thanks to his father. The moment he realises he might be crushing on roach he starts to pull away, trying to avoid the other man completely to maybe get his feelings to stop but it obviously doesn't work

He doesn't own much (low-key scared to have much out of fear that they could be broken/taken) but the things he does own he treasures. Despite popular opinion, he only has one mask and the moment it gets dirty (blood, dirt, even rain) he scrubs it clean by hand the moment he's on base (he doesn't trust to put it in the wash, and bc of its material it would shrink in the wash anyway (trust me as a guy who wears gloves everywhere))

Doesn't even like going anywhere near his home city, not just for the memories but also bc of the 'Riley family murders' (which he got framed for) since he doesnt wanna get recognised and arrested bc for that time since his face was all over the local paper for a good while

He trusts Soap and if he ever needs to cool off from something upsetting him or whatver on base and roach isn't around, he goes right to his captain's office and just zones out in there till his head clears, Soap just leaves him to it

Will MELT at the slightest bit of affection after hes calmed down from the original fear of it turning to pain. The first time Roach scratches at his hair whilst they're both exhausted from a long mission he goes entirely limp

He was so so so untrusting of Price when he met the man for the first time after saving him from the gulag, felt really auspicious and protective of the way Soap immediately stepped down from captain for Price and of the way Soap seemed more... subdued. (Obviously learned to trsut Price but it took a while)

Autistic and almost always masking

When he isn't, he likes to play with knives (he collects them)

🪳Roach:

He's not entirely mute but he doesn't talk much either. He really only talks if he absoloutly has to, like communicating something important over comms on missions, otherwise he uses sign language.

When he does talk his voice is really rough and it hurts to talk for long

He WILL speak up though on base if he ever hears anyone talking shit about Ghost (like calling Ghost weird, or creepy, or anything else along those lines. Bc like. That's his guy >:( )

Low-key just as clingy as Ghost it's just less noticable when he does it since alot of ppl don't notice him anyway (he is short and quiet)

Autistic as well (and trans :3)

Plays rock paper scissors with himself as a stim

Always 'forgets' to bring a lighter when he goes to join Ghost for a smoke so they have to put the tips together and he gets to stare into Ghost's eyes whilst Ghost avoids eye contact

Follows Soap around like a lost puppy when Ghost isn't on base and is generally really trusting of the captain especially since Soap took him under his wing

Got his name from surviving missions no matter how many times he almost dies (cliff hanger, that one mission where he has to run through a town entirely unarmed in a short time, actually literally any mission he goes on)

🧼Soap aka 📕Mactavish

Always carrying his journal everywhere no matter what. Come hell or high water he has that book on him

As mentioned in said book, ever since price supposedly died he's been smoking the same exact brand of cigar price used to, even if its a slightly more expensive brand he sees it as worth it

He also always carries Price's old pistol on him, just in case he ever sees the man in question again and can finally give it back.. (expects that the place he'll give it back in will be hell)

The day the little rookie known as roach got onto his base he immediately saw himself in the young man and immediately took roach under his wing

He's just a little bit protective of his team.. he's lost so many ppl in his life and he's unwilling to lose more

Absoloutly devastated when he finds out Ghost and roach died, he just doesn't fully let it hit him until he finally gets to sit down in a safe house without bleeding out. He's inconsolable for hours

He had a lil bit of a crush on Price throughout mw1 ever since the first mission.. just a bit of puppy love until the final mission where they both almost die and it grows into something a bit more real... he even almost confesses before Price gets taken. After Price comes back, on that first night, he lays it all out. Doesn't wanna lose his chance again.

Every night after he finds himself not cold and alone in bed anymore crying out for his captain in his sleep, but instead held by the only man he allows to protect him rather than he being the one to do the protecting

He let's all his exhaustion built up from months take over the second he hands back the title of captain to Price, passes out and sleeps the best he ever had that night

He's trans too, btw, may as well be called t4t rather than 141

I don't have much for price rn sorry about that... just know that he's just as dependant on Soap as Soap is for him and he's also trans bc I said so... and bc I like projecting :3

[etherealyoungk]

hello skye!! i love your writing, its so sweet :] coukd i req svt with an s/o that maybe is non verbal or doesnt talk that much when theyre anxious? or just minghao, woozi, and seungkwan if ot13 is too much! if u havent eaten yet, eat something even if its small when u see this!!

hello! i love your username btw! and thank you, im happy to hear you enjoy my writing <3 i hope you like this! you take care as well :) i wrote this with ot13 btw

seungcheol: he knows when you're anxious when you start being a bit more quiet than usual and he slowly approaches you on the topic. he'd sit down next to you and ask you what was wrong as he gently brushes your cheek with the back of his hand. you didn't have to tell him immediately, but he just would want you to know that he's here for you and that you don't have to bottle up your feelings.

jeonghan: he'd notice after a while that you'd get rather quiet and closed off if you got anxious. he'd try his best to make you feel safe and comfortable and you'd slowly learn to open up to him about your anxiousness and feelings.

joshua: similar to seungcheol, he'd be the type to notice the change in you immediately and try to figure out what might be triggering your anxiousness. would cuddle you and distract you by watching a movie or reading out a book to you, until you slowly open up to him.

junhui: a little cluless tbh. he'd think you were just tired whenever you'd become closed off and quiet. it was later that he learned it was because you were anxious and not tired.

hoshi: he's not really sure what to do. he thinks that maybe you're upset, that's why you're suddenly so quiet and not talking to him as much. "are you mad at me?", he asks you softly with a pout. "hoshi..no im not mad at you. shit im sorry im just...i don't know..anxious.." you explain to him. later he would make sure to be alert of when you might be anxious and would gently squeeze your hand to let you know that he was here for you.

wonwoo: i think wonwoo would understand how you kinda shut off and become quiet when you get anixous and he'd leave you alone, giving you your space. but he'd also make sure to be there for you and tell gently ask you what was wrong if he was really worried and you seemed a bit too anxious. he'd gently talk to you and try to understand what was making you feel anxious.

woozi: he'd understand and would give you space and time if you needed it. but if he saw you were getting a bit too worked up and anxious, he'd help you calm down, telling you to breathe and that he was here and was not going anywhere. you could tell him anything, at anytime and he'd be here for you.

minghao: whenever you got anxious and found yourself curled up under the blankets, minghao made you tea. he'd make you a warm cup of tea and sit beside you as you slowly sipped the tea, grateful to minghao for being by you. you'd slowly open up to him about how you were feeling and he'd hug you afterwards, telling you how proud he was of you.

mingyu: he's very worried. he would not understand it at first and he'd just think you were maybe mad or upset at him because of the sudden quietness from you. but he later understands that it's because of your anxiety he feels a bit :\ he'd then try his best to notice when you'd kinda space out and close off and try to get you to speak to him. again, he won't force you, just would cuddle you and tell you that he was here and you could tell him anything, no matter how serious or silly it was.

dokyeom: the moment he sees you a bit more closed off and quieter than usual, whether it be replying to his texts later than usual or leaving him on seen, he's running over to you. he'd bring a few of your favorite foods, snacks, or your favorite ice cream and sit down with you, engulfing you in a big warm hug and telling you that he was always on your side and you didn't have to worry. he'd gently reassure you and once you open up to him about your feelings, he'd hug you again and give you a sweet kiss on the cheek.

seungkwan: he'd understand and he'd kind of get it and understand how you were feeling and not prod at you to tell him. he'd give you your space but also make sure he was there for you and he'd cook for you or take you out and maybe even buy you flowers because he wanted to make you smile and help you feel better. he would check up on your throughout the day and make sure you were okay.

vernon: he'd be a little clueless but once he learns and understands, he'd be with you and try his best to comfort and talk to you about how you were feeling.

dino: he would be a little confused too as you why you had suddenly gotten so quiet or weren't talking to him like you usually would. qhen you finally pluck the courage to speak to him, you tell him he'd hug you and tell you how great you were doing. he'd make it a point to notice when you got anxious and shower you with extra love and affection as well, hoping to distract you until you were ready to speak or voice it out to him.

taglist: @joshuaahong @naaaaafla @daisycheols

[redr0sewrites]

can u do aaravos x reader hcs of them when they get into a fight and then make up afterwards

like ofc aaravos gets really scary when he's angry but i feel like he'd be the one to immediately apologize if he goes too far

and if he gets really pouty then reader does cute and silly things to cheer him up

eeee i got this req last night and i was so excited to write it!!!! i love my star boy ♥️

🥀Cw: some angst (with comfort), aaravos is Bad At Feelings™️, arguing, aaravos sucks at communicating somtimes smh, he also has attatchment issues

fights with aaravos dont happen often, but when they do they can get nasty

he can get petty sometimes, and is also very stubborn. it can be hard to change his mind, and he can sometimes get offended, thinking that u dont trust him or that u think hes incapable

it will usually start off as something small, like for example ur worried ab him overworking himself

aaravos will jump to conclusions and blow it out of proportion, he'll think that ur losing faith in him and that ur going to leave him

tbh hes his own worst enemy cuz his fear of losing u just makes him act nasty and cruel during fights which only pushes u away

during the heat of the moment, aaravos might say some things he doesnt mean

he can be pretty scary when angry, hes like a cornered animal and gets defensive over anything

afterwards, he will feel esp bad

if he made u cry, the guilt will be eating at him for hours

aaravos will sit silently beside u and be going over what to say, but when he opens his mouth he just gets really anxious. after fights and when ur really upset with him are one of the only times u will ever see him unsure, normally hes always so calculating and put together but he is not good at apologizing

he will try his hardest to apologize tho

hes a firm believer of the "dont go to sleep angry" rule and will talk to u as soon as hes calm

once aaravos isnt angry, hes pretty levelheaded and mature when communicating ab an argument u two had

but only if he was in the wrong

if U were wrong, he will pout and be bratty ab it

hes too clingy to ignore u, but will literally be hugging u cuz hes scared u'll leave while pouting and side eying u while saying hes angry (he isnt, hes just a little bitch)

if he was wrong, he'll dote on u and be very sweet and gentle for the next few days

the worst thing u can do is ignore him, aaravos loves attention, ESPECIALLY ur attention and u ignoring him lets him know that he fucked up bad

if u were wrong, he will want to be pampered and will wait for u to apologize on ur own time

depending on whether or not ur a hot-headed person, arguments can last for as short as a few minutes to lasting a few days of the both of u being petty

after any argument, no matter how small or who was right or wrong, aaravos always ends up being clingy and needy

hes afraid u'll leave, he doesnt want to be alone again and doesnt want to lose u

however he will poke fun at u cuz hes just like that 🙄

"aww, is my little star upset? ur so cute when u pout my dear, how could i not tease u?"

aaravos could never get physical in fights, he sees that as a huge red flag

if u flinch in an argument, he immediately stops, there is nothing more important to him than making sure ur safe and that will break through any level of anger that he has

the idea of u being scared of him makes aaravos scared cuz, as previously stated, he is SO FUCKING AFRIAD OF LOSING U😭

if hes being a pouty little bitch after an argument, it's honestly so easy to cheer him up

how to cheer up a pouting aaravos:

1. cuddles 2. food 3. talking it out 4. playing with his hair 5. REASSURING HIM U ARENT LEAVING HIM

overall, aaravos overthinks things, and that leads to most of ur arguments but he will recognize when hes wrong and take responsibility. he can be difficult and downright irritating at times, but he tries his best to be a good person (elf???) for u and loves u unconditionally

the little bitch (affectionate) is constantly afraid that u'll leave him

PLSSS I LOVE HIM SM 😭 hes both very mature and immature and its so funny

[rainswhenyourehere]

also. if someone wants to help. (also btw hibi lore like. the most important part methinks)

how to "keep it casual" with. lets say hypothetically. if you came to a new school in seventh grade. and met a nice guy during swedish class and kinda connected with him immediately and. then you guys are like. best friends in your opinion and you guys hang out allll the time and you kind of have the biggest crush on him and. lets say. like. you love him so fucking much its borderline unhealthy? and like. then he starts sending you flirtatious gifs and texting you so. because youre in love. you send flirtatious gifs back and you guys basically call each other love and sweetheart and everything and !! you guys hold hands and he lets you listen to his music and gives you a plastic ring to match his and gives you gifts and treats and !! holds your hand btw !!!! and nearly asks you to kiss him during a truth or dare game like. implies it strongly . so then you !! decide to ask him hey. what are we. and he goes idk and you guys hve a littl etalk because yay communication !!!!! and hes like. so. i like you . like. thats out there now okay. i like you but i also like this other guy so um. idk so!! because youre in love and would wait like fifty million lifetimes you say okay ill wait for you its okay but then the romantic interactions disappear and its like . because you guys are in a trio right? theres this other guy too. so he starts maybe confiding in the other guy a littl enad you should not feel envious he can do whatever he wants its his life but . you do but youj also dont say anything so like. a year or smth passes idk and he goes. yknow what. tbh. i dont rly like you anymofre?? like i like this other guyu and i think ill always like him and ur kinda heartbroken and shit but you say its fine i was kinda over you anyways. so . that happnes and you stil l love him so fucking much but . you dont say it because youre happy he moved on and . youre probs not worth it anyways its fine and then a ruond a month later while ur eating at lunch hes like. haha can you go away for a while i want to talk abt stuff with person 3 in our trio and youre like. okay sure !!! and then you come back nd . find out he s in love or has a crush or wever on another guy. so . apparently he wouldnt love hte other guy forever but it doesnt rleally matter at least it shouldnt so you drop it its fine . enter grade eight your friend group grows and . theres these classes where you can pick and not everyone goes to the same on e right ??? so . the rest of your friend group goes to the musci class and you go to the . cooking class . which you enjoy btw!!! like!! a lot!!!! and you attend it with another classmate of ur s and boooom youre friends. wow . hooray like. currently youre probably closest to them which is craaaaazy liek. wow. but !! bcs u attned a diff class you get shut out of alll the fun things they do and you dont really feel like you belong and you also kinda feel dsicarded and not important and invisible because !!!! the guy youre in love with yes still kinda hate that !! treats you like air. so. then you ask him whats wrong right before you go on a month long trip on summer vacation without internet access. and when youj come back you find the messag eunread and !! you stressed abt this the whole summer btw. smth smth i dont even want you back i js want to know if ruining my sparkling summer was the goal /lyr ANYWYS. you . jask abt him awgain. on discord and he says that hes changed as a person and his interests have changed and this is fine btw!!! like. you totally understand yep. and then he says that youve beeen like . kinda really annoying recently and sometimes he feels like killing himself while hanging out with you so. that s nice and also !! not being with you has made his mental state like. get better a bunch so "thats just grand".

so. mmm. also by the way this is like. summer vacation after eight grade yeah?? well. just before the seventh grade summer vacation person 3 in ur trio asked you out. and you kinda dated them. even though you ddint really have feeling because they re nice the y treat you well and you had to get over him but then around like . a year later you cant really take it anymore and its not person 3s fault at all theyve been perfetct alllll around like. the most amazing human being ever but. you just cant . you keep choosing him over them and you can see its hurting them and this isnt working nahyways so . a round a yaer later you tell them hey. not your fault i was seeking approval and shit and im like. the jerk ehre but like. thank ou so much and its a whole essay and they go okay its fine but. now youve broken someones heart so . yay you and youre still not over him so . wowww good job.

back to eight grade summer vacation?? you dont really text anyone else except from cooking class friend and person 3 and you dont want to text in the group chat because hes the most active one and you really dont want to intrude his space and . now 9th grade is statrgint in 8 hours and you just saw a message from him . saying asking you to "keep it casual" so the teachers dont come after you guys or something. so . somoene tell me how to keep it casual?? like. do you just stand next to the other guysf rom the friend group?? are you . suposeced to interact with them ???? can you still eat w the guys?????? oh and . 9 th grad eis the most inmportant year academically so i also have to get good grades from everything and actuallly focus on studies so . theres that.

tut on how to keep it casual pls okay love u guys <3

[seaweedbraens]

Hi! I've been following your fics for a few years now and I was just wondering, do you have any tips for new writers? Specifically for fics that is. Any advice from planning a fic outline to just general writing advice would be hella appreciated!!

hello!!! welcome to fic, we're super happy to have you here <3 i'd love to drop you some 'tips' (i am using quotes because i am not sure if im qualified to give advice - and i'm not sure if it'll work, but here is what works for me!)

when i outline fics, i almost always know what my starting and ending is. i've definitely mentioned this before but i always always know my endling LINE, i dont start writing a fic if i don't know where it's gonna end up. again, this may not be you, so dont panic if it isn't! this is just how i begin.

since my fics are on the...ahem, lengthier side, i usually have 'sections' of content between my beginning and end. i write down (usually by hand, but it doesnt matter what you use tbh) significant 'events' or 'goals' of the section. for instance, as i was writing my bigfic (we could walk straight through hell (with a smile)) one of my chapter outlines looked like this:

since this fic used multiple character POVs, i also made sure to label which section was being seen through which character's eyes. sometimes, as i'm making my sections, i'll get inspiration for dialogue, and i include that too. as you can see above, i also highlighted sections as i completed them, though that's just more to keep track than anything else.

i wish i could give you more insight into writing, but really the biggest piece of advice i can give is to keep reading. reading fic is good but reading books is even better because you'll learn so many words, absorb so many kinds of writing styles, and learn what you like and what you don't like and patterns that you'll settle into. i have to confess i dont read much these days, which i need to change, but i used to be a voracious reader, and that definitely helped me as a writer.

i've been writing fic for a long time, though. so when it comes to writing fic in particular, i am a huge advocate for a couple of things (and these are pretty general, not necessarily writing-related):

don't force yourself to write!! sometimes you just arent feeling it and thats okay. i write in insane spurts - as i wrote wcwsthwas i occasionally pumped out 10k in a single sitting - but i go months and months without writing in between. if you're in a rut i don't think you need to force yourself out of it, because more often than not i've found myself dissatisfied with my work when i do force myself to write. as creatives, burnout is common, but because this is fic we're lucky enough that we operate on our own schedule. we don't need to push ourselves to write if we don't have to. but trust me, when you feel the urge to start writing again, it's wonderful, and the words will flow out of you!! just make sure you

stay inspired! again, reading good books helps you expand your own vocabulary, and it'll come in handy when you find yourself needing to write descriptions. observe the world around you, learn movements and expressions and how things and people tick. explore writing prompts and see what inspires you best (i took one look at soulmate au prompts and never looked back). it's cool to be inspired by fellow creatives online (just make sure to give credit if needed) but also try to be inspired by yourself! a lot of my fics stem from my own experiences and thoughts and emotions, and i think to some degree that resonates with people, which is always great. try to examine things on a deeper level. draw on memories from your own life and they'll hit more often than they miss. think about what makes your hurt, and rage, and cry, and flinch, and smile. remember the little things that make interactions so special. when you put yourself in a character's shoes in a certain situation, question why they'd act or react a certain way. and make sure

you do you. if your work doesn't sound beautiful and prose-y, that's fiiine. it's okay to keep it simple!! it was a bitter pill to swallow and it took me many years, but i have finally realized that my strengths as a writer are in my dialogue and emotional dump-writing. i don't think i'll be ever to be one of those poetic writers who can pull words from the trails of your thoughts like a some kind of sick magical literary genius. i have some friends who just. they write so BEAUTIFULLY and i'm so envious of them, but that's their strength, and i have my own. remember that!! and please for the love of god

don't worry about stats. write for YOU. this may sound lofty but i can't stress this enough. i was unfortunate to start writing fic when i was very young, and as a competitive little brat i was obsessed with the numbers. i desperately tracked every comment and like and favorite and follow. i let that dictate my writing, because i knew that if i wrote a certain way, made fics extra fluffy or whatever, they'd draw in more comments. i'd force myself to write more, update fics to show how active i was as an author in the fandom, and in the end, that truly sucked out the joy of writing for me. i found other ways to channel my creativity for a long time and then returned to writing. now, i write when inspiration strikes, and to my surprise and joy people still want to read. i love when a fic does well, but it doesn't debilitate me if it doesn't. writing for yourself, and for the love of a good story, and for the love of the source material, and for the love of writing, will make you a better writer. and on that note:

quantity does not equal quality. i've been asked quite a bit how i write such long fic but that's largely because i like to read long fic. i like it when a story is build up and fleshed out and you end up knowing everything about everyone. i like drawing out moments, giving characters depth and thoughts and relationships. a lot of my fics are full of extra padding that goes into building character relationships and friendships, because as an only child they are super important to me. HOWEVER there is real fucking skill required to write a short fic. to fit a beginning and middle and end into the least amount of words possible. it's incredible, it's a skill i wish i had, and deserves every laurel that long fics get. as a writer, if you find your fic ending earlier than expected, that's fine. you don't need to add more words just for the sake of puffing up the wordcount. at the end of the day, if your story shines, that's all that matters, and readers will respond to it.

im not sure if this will help you but this is kind of the bulk of what i've learned all these years writing fic. at the end of it all, what works for me may not at all work for you, but i'm certain that with time, you'll find your groove and carve out a niche for yourself, just as we all have. just remember: have fun! the internet is batshit and sometimes not the best place but my time writing fic has exposed me to the most wonderful people. writing will help you learn and grow in ways you won't be able to foresee now - just go with the flow and take it all in as it comes! be positive, accept critique and feedback and learn from it, and stay enthusiastic about telling your stories. feel free to message me anytime, and please drop a link to your fic if you ever post :) i'd love to read it!

sorry for the late response, and for making you read this NOVEL, holy shit. haaave a good day/night <3

[will80sbyers]

Hi, how did you figure out you're bisexual? I am 24 years old and still am not sure what my sexuality is tbh. I sometimes feel like I could be bisexual or demisexual because the thought of sex/romance doesnt really bother me in general but sometimes feel like i'm just aroace because i dont really feel sexual or romantic urges irl. I feel like I just dont have any sexuality or gender at this point and dont know how to put a label on myself and I feel very weird tbh

Hey!! You don't have to label yourself at all if you don't want to or are not sure yet, and if you choose one label you can always change it eventually so don't worry too much! You could be agender and aroace if you don't really feel anything like that for anyone, that's always a possibility, you should look into it and see if it feels like you and if you feel validated by that

Personally I know I'm bi because I have the capacity to be attracted to all types of people and I've been attracted to more than just one gender and I've fallen in love with/had crushes on multiple people of different genders and enjoyed all the physical stuff when I was in my past relationships, also thinking about the physical side of it does not put me off with literally no one and I actively want to especially if I'm crushing hard or in love with someone - I really don't have any preferences it's all good if I like you I like you and I'm down for (almost) everything

I do experience crushes VERY rarely like it happens once in literally years lol but it happened more than once in the past and I don't think I'm demi really... ? Idk, maybe I'm in the aroace spectrum somehow because it's very rare that I do experience actual crushes and I think maybe other people experience that way more often??? Not sure lol but it did happen multiple times so that's a confirmation for me that I can both have sexual and mental attraction to multiple genders and I also do find certain celebrities attractive so idk maybe in my case it's more a question of depression influencing my brain? although I was always like this since childhood so I don't think so... It's all very confusing lmfao

I'm not really sure either about that, but meh I just live and see what happens!

and tbh I do prefer it like this because I don't like my brain when it's crushing on someone it's too chaotic as it is already up here, so the less it happens the better it is lol

Anyway, I think only you can decide what feels right for yourself and I don't think you should feel pressured to necessarily have a label, you can just live your life and see what happens, maybe you'll eventually find a person that makes you feel like you want to try certain things and be in a romantic relationship or maybe you won't, but you'll find happiness in other things because having a relationship or sexual experience is not the most important thing in this life and it's not required as a human either no matter what some people would like others to believe! Just try to enjoy your life and don't stress too much about labels 🤗

[scourgefrontiers]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3

[bee-named-alex]

So episode 6 of IWTV s2. My thoughts? Many. Enjoy them, I'll try to make it as coherent as possible in my current state. Spoilers and my mental breakdown below the cut

Fuck this. I cannot wait for a week after this episode, how am I supposed to be normal after this???

So I guess I'll start from the start? The tension is in every word and I get why Daniel's getting afraid for his life, I mean I am afraid for his life rn and he's not even real.

The Dubai scenes, they contrast really well with the first couple episodes of this season. The cracks in Loumand relationship are very apparent now, they can't even decide on what painting to have in their house. And I read a post that was like "season 1 was music, season 2 is art" and it's so true and this means like their relationship is empty i guess or something. Maybe just that it's falling apart.

And the way they began this season holding hands and sitting so close, acting like everything was perfect, ready to fight Daniel and now they sit as far away as possible, fight like all the time about everything and Louis and Daniel (and even Rashid I think) keep on further unionizing against Armand... I think that's just great.

And Armand knowing that they know and from the start trying to spin it. I'm not sure how the sentence "Why do you ask, love?" from Louis is like the coldest thing ever but it just is.

I'll talk more about Dubai later.

But now to Paris. Claudia's diary "Fuck these vampires" - girl's so right (in both meanings of that word btw). Claudia was never really my fave, but out of everyone I feel like she deserves a happy ending the most (not counting daniel here) and fuck, she's not getting it. i know but it still hurts like hell.

Her and Madeleine's relationship is great. Inbetween all the plotting and manipulation and murder this feels like one of the only peaceful things. In the scene where Claudia reveals herself I though that she's like Madeleine's guardian angel. But also an angel of death. But Madeleine doesn't mind and I think that's very important, that she doesn't really see Claudia as a monster - or maybe she does, but it doesn't change what she feels (after all, she thinks that she's a monster)

Then the turning. First Louis trying to convince Armand and him not obeying- as Daniel says "maitre only when it's hot or convinient" (it was hot in the art room btw and it's so not fair that we didn't get to see at least a little more i mean that whole scene was inexplicably so hot and i need moreeee).

But it also reminded me of another post, the "Armand is a willingly leashed tiger" because like yeah, Louis has the power up until the point when Armand no longer wants him to have it. (also Louis persuasion being "imagine me without the burden of her" sucks, like sorry but this hurts, even if you didn't mean it and yes it matters if you meant it. But his later method - aka kiss to shut him the hell up - seems much better.)

Then I got a little pissed or perhaps confused at his "Are you asking or making me?" because we know that Louis can't actually make Armand do anything, not when he is 100 % sure he doesnt want to. Because if he could, Armand would've turned Madeleine. (speaking of, Armand not having turned anyone is pretty interesting, but i guess that that's how it was in the books and it was important so sure why not)

Also Louis' "It's ok, it's ok" here reminded me of "Of course, of course!" and also "It's fine, he's fine, we're fine" and it's just so funny how they all think that if they say things over and over again they'll convince themselves that they're true.

The turning itself was beautiful, as Louis said it would be. Like it wasn't violent, there wasn't fear, no tears. Just love and devotion and I'm so sad that Claudia's and Madeleine's beautiful dream didn't last longer.

Louis not caring afterwards is just another exampke of his dissociative state and I worry about his mental well-being. (All of their mental and physical well-beings tbh)

In Dubai again, Armand finally talking about the erased memories and how they both hate on him for it and they're right. Like what do you mean Daniel doesn't have the right to be angry, of course he does. It's fun to see Daniel delighted about fighting Armand.

But also... Louis asked him to get rid of those momeries (if he believe him. And I, in this episode more than ever and despite my better knowledge, do believe Armand. Maybe it's just because of Assad's phenomenal acting but I believe his words and I believe his tears. Which actually makes this all worse btw.) and that makes the whole situation suddenly much more complicated.

Other Paris plot - Santiago (fuck Santiago) and his coup -, yeah that kept me on my toes for the entire episode. Like Armand says that he was in love and Louis says that he got lazy but I just think he must've been blind to not see it.

I feel like Dubai kinda reflects this (Louis and Daniel unionizing as we've said and so it's like Armand losing his power over his people again) but also. Paris and it's aftermath was the biggest crisis of their relationship, must've been (followed by San Francisco and Daniel I'm sure). But now as the recount it they are also reliving it and are also in a full-blown crisis and i hope this one doesn't end in a fire.

And the ending of it all. Fuck. I was near tears watching it.

The double-date in the cafe felt like a dream, they even said in the episode insider that they wanted it to feel surreal or something like that, like a romantic comedy. And for a few minutes it does. They let you believe that they could be happy. You know they won't, you know that shit's about to go down and everything will end in ruin but this single scene makes you beg, no please, no don't fuck it up, just stay happy, like this, it can be good. And despite knowing what's coming, you stick your claws into this idea of happiness like a lifeline.

And then it hurts that much more when this perfect bubble pops.

I admire all the actors because idk what Armand was feeling the moment he stepped outside but through Assad's acting I felt it too. And as Louis looks around, seeing the world stop, here I know exactly what he must've felt- the realization hits, the betrayl and then the immense worry for Claudia and Jacob portrays it so beautifully.

"He chose." This breaks my heart. Because what did he choose exactly, or better yet, what did he choose over? I mean this is terrible, the trial, but what was his other choice? He calls himself a coward so maybe it was Louis and Claudia and Madeleine or him that the coven would go after. But maybe this was actually the better choice idk.

But like you see the regret in Armand's face in Paris but especially in Dubai and I trust him. I believe him that he regrets it, I believe him the tears and as I've said that just makes it so much worse. Because he chose this and now they suffer for it and he suffers for it too and blames himself (rightfully so), but it still hurts.

And then Lestat. Fuck. I knew this was gonna come (I just couldn't help myself and because of my recklessness saw a spoiler, that he's gonna be there) but that in no way did that knowledge diminish what I felt when I saw him. Because, hell, idk I'm just so excited to finally have him back because I love him but also I hate him and am so scared as to what he's gonna do. He's gonna testify against Louis and Claudia sure but what if he won't? Does he want to kill or fuck Louis? Will his and Armand's past play part in this or is that a box to remain unopened until later?

"You cannot script a hurricane" they said and so this means Lestat will go off script. But to what extent? At least to which it results in burning the theatre down.

The preview didn't help my state, quite the contrary actually. Louis in Paris is scared that Lestat's gonna come. Santiago's laughing. What does Armand feel? Who knows not me, I'm just scared. And excited. I feel like I won't fall asleep for two days after this but it's fine. I'm fine, everything's fine.

[fereldanwench]

thoughts as i watch:

environments are gorgeous but we knew that'd be the case tbh. they were gorgeous in dai too

i dont feel strongly one way or the other about a more action-oriented combat approach, but i can see this being a controversial choice (although i would say even with dai's tactical cam, the series has been headed in this direction since da2)

still not sure how i feel about the style. the venatori are standing out to me especially--they looked eerie and unsettling in dai; i feel like the simpler design has definitely lost some presence here. it's not enough to make me not want to play or anything, but my criticisms of the trailer in this regard are more or less still standing

the demons were another thing i liked in DAI--i know some demons have been reworked across all the games, but the pride demon remained consistent and was iconic. i feel like it didn't need to be changed here

also not sure about the UI--it's very clean and well-designed but as with just about everything else from graphic design elements, it just doesnt evoke dragon age to me. minrathous is obviously very different from other thedosian locations we've seen--maybe the sleeker visuals there will help the UI feel more in place. but i still like a grungier da, personally

the first thing im gonna do when i recruit neve is get that goddamn graduation cap thing off her head lmao

definitely building some tension with varric and solas D:

approval system still in play, guessing that'll factor into romances

solas' teeth are really distracting me lmao did he get veneers

ooooooh what just popped outta the fade i actually dont want to know or speculate too hard dont tell me

didn't really get a sense of the protagonist, but that's not necessarily a bad thing if we're gonna be able to really customize and roleplay our own character. i did notice harding's comment about who he is and his skills--felt a little shoehorned as a way to let the player know "hey, your choices matter" but im not mad about it

it looks fun. it looks like a game i will enjoy. still not sure if it'll be a day one purchase, but all things considered given what has gone down at bioware since inquisition (since even before that really), this does look pretty polished

i'm going to be very restrictive on what else i willingly expose myself to between now and the release. i am interested in seeing the CC and i would like to see a little more about lucanis, maybe a little more combat from the other classes, but i think i've seen what i need to for now

[the-s1lly-corner]

hellooooo could you do junkrat and maybe roadhog hcs with a chubby reader ? :3

Junkrat + Roadhog w/ a chubby reader!

WAHOO

These are shorter lists than usual <\3 I apologize for my fuzzy brain ☝️😔

Doesn't mind it at all! In fact I think he'd prefer chubbier partners (assuming this is a romantic relationship!)

Mmmngh so sofmft :)

Gently pokes and grasps you !! Though he'll limit it/stop based on your boundaries

Tickle fights

Tbh I generally hc that junkrat is fairly touchy touchy contact holdy no matter who his partner is

If theres any case where you feel insecure about yourself he'll immediately start rattling off the things he loves about you

Speaking mile a minute, going off about everything about you, literally counting on his fingers multiple times

You're probably going to have to stop him otherwise he'll just keep going

Overall hes very open to it and adores you!

(Will scream his head off if anyone says anything mean about you)

(Probably barks too/hj)

Being honest, he isnt a man of many words... but he's very observant

This comes in handy for noticing any changes in your behavior

Seriously. If you were slightly quieter than usual he'd just. Immediately know something was wrong

Like Junkrat, he doesn't care all that much how you're built

Now I ain't exactly saying he'd do unspeakable things to anyone who gives you any slack.... but I ain't exactly saying he wouldn't

Reeling it back in, he really is indifferent to how you look, so really these are just general headcannons

Similarly to Jamie if you have an off day or feel insecure, he'll point out some thing he's noticed about you and enjoys... but in a more calm and intimate way; think like gently touching different areas (consensually) and giving a short answer to why he likes that part of you

Oh yeah and cuddles, let this man hold you

Hhh I'm so sorry these feel so

Blyghgh

I gotta brush back up on roadhogs personality + it doesnt help my lil silly brain is in a funk today <\3

[enden-k]

i got a few silly questions: what story type genre would saran and vika like (romcom, fantasy, sci-fi, horror...)? would they prefer watching movies, read together a book or separate ones but cuddling, or play games? can either of them play an instrument? do they have favorite flowers? do they have favorite colors?

if vika had the ability to taste things, what type of food would he like? if there are any high places vika can't reach, would saran lift him up with his own arms or use his tentacles to do it? would they be the type of people to go on vacation abroad, go somewhere near, or stay at home?

(on another note, does saran have a heartbeat? if yes, does vika like to listen to it when they lay together, or if not, would saran fill in the quiet with soft words to give vika even more things to focus on?)

i feel like i asked a bit too many questions, but i can't really choose which to ask more (i'll try to curb it next time i get possessed with adoration). hope this amount isn't overwhelming (i got a serious case of "once i talk i can't stfu" and these two make me lose my mind <3)

saran likes all types tbh and vika doesnt really have a favorite (he doesnt quite get comedies tho)

they do all of this (watch movies, read (separate) books etc) WHILE they cuddle or are just physically near each other; vika snuggles up to saran without thinking jkdsvbk

vika cant play any instruments but saran learned the piano back when he was a kid. saran doesnt have a particular flower or color he favors but vika seems to be fascinated by spider lilies since they remind him of saran. his favorite color is also red

vika would like anything saran cooks!

he rlly likes spicy food and it prolly wont change if he were able to taste it fully

saran would lift vika up to reach higher places; if its too high hed use the tentacles to either lift him further or get it for him

they would definitely travel and see the world together if possible, or at least leave the region and travel the country to get vika to see more

saran doesnt have a heartbeat but he would give vika those soft words no matter if he had one or not; he shows his love and affection through words a lot after all

anw its ok, dw abt asking so many questions!! idk if i gave good answers tbh akscbkj but thanks for asking anw <3

[neobora]

i want to change. i cried just rn. i'm just wasting my time w trying to manifest my desires. i don't know how to change this fucking situation because i dwelled on the fact i have the most terrible circumstances and because of that my subsconcious got used to it. I don't know how to get out of my comfort zone and victim mindset. I have been consuming information for years and do nothing but feel sorry for myself and thinking i'm in a hopeless situation. I know this isn't going to get me anywhere, but I don't know how to get out of this mentality. i just want to fucking beat myself up i'm so stupid. i'm tired of my same routine. i woke up. i go to the tumblr. i go to the reddit. i go to the amino and read 83928 things everyday. sometimes i feel like i'm crazy and all of those loa manifwst stuff or not real.

did i overcomplicated loa😭

oh dear😭 give yourself a break, honestly! manifesting isnt supposed to be stressful, but fulfilling. again, the only change that will be reflected is a change in SELF. you can see how well the 3d is doing it’s job at reflecting you rn. but it doesn‘t matter who the outer world says you are, you can ALWAYS change within just by deciding to. do you want to live like this? no. then stop! make it clear to you that you are the ONLY CREATOR and the only one who is being reflected. take responsibility for creating what you see outside of you, which also means that you can change SELF anytime you want to. imagination is the only reality and the only time that exists is NOW, self doesnt care about your past, it only cares about NOW. who are you right now? that will reflect.

i know it can be tough completely changing self, often youre even scared of letting go and assuming nothing can hurt you. at one point i even realized i was scared of actually seeing a change in the 3d. but that fear is created by you and no one can stop giving it so much credit except you.

stop consuming so much info, it‘s all the same anyways. choose desire, assume you have it, persist, done. the only thing that helped me really was actually FEELING LIKE I AM IN CONTROL OVER MY MIND. you can read anything you want, as many times as you want but you won‘t get it if you don‘t feel it true. edward art’s reddit series honestly helped me so much, but i actually feel different about the lines now than when i started reading it because i started giving MYSELF, my INNER SELF all the power. but tbh nothing on tumblr really explains it in as much detail as this series, it really gets the point across. if you want to read something about the loa, then go for this instead of posts that just repeat themselves. especially the posts about fear are eye-opening.

honestly in my opinion it doesn‘t matter what your subconscious does nor should you worry about it, it accepts literally ANYTHING to be true if you have faith. there is no past and no future, it doesnt matter. the only thing there is to do is change self and stick with it, no matter what happens. you are the only one who can save yourself.

again, no one can tell you how to feel, or feel for you, you have to give yourself the freedom of feeling but yourself. you are always able to change, it just depends on wether you decide to or not. decide to change and stick with it, no matter what. once you actually internalise that you create everything so you do not have to feel (identify with) your fears and doubts, but can instead feel (know) that you ALREADY ARE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE IN IMAGINATION, it gets easier and easier. but you must have the courage not to look back and fall into old states. why? because you don’t want to! fall in love with your new state and leaving gets harder and harder. but when you do, remind yourself that the 3d is literally just your mind. you don’t have to identify with anything you don‘t like. from there you can create what you WANT.