#not that i haven't had good sex but i just constantly feel bad for being the way i am lmao. fun

[verdiesque]

Ughhh

[judes-baeeee]

Could you do a long one-shot with jude x y/n + size kink and first time? I thought of something like you and Jude seeing each other naked for the first time. You've been dating for a short time and haven't had sex or seen each other naked yet. Sure, things had gotten heated before, but Jude never pressured you for sex. But today you wanted to be his and that leads you to the current moment where you are undressing in front of each other and Jude can't stop looking at you hungrily. You feel shy under his warm gaze. When he takes off his boxers and is completely naked, you feel your entire body heat up and you can't help but be impressed by his size. You already imagined that he was big from the little you had seen and felt (when you sat on his lap while you made out), but you didn't expect *that*. You were nervous and afraid that you wouldn't be able to deal with it and Jude, realizing your desperation, made it clear that you didn't need to do anything you didn't want to do. You said you wanted to and he reassured you that you would go slowly and that he would be gentle. And he fulfills his words, being extremely kind and delicate with you. Making you extremely wet and ready for him and then penetrating you with extreme delicacy. You fight the pain at first because you're not used to that size, but then it feels so good. The way Jude moves in and out of you as his huge hands roam your body and he whispers how well you're taking his cock.

You and Jude have been dating for over 6 months now but you guys have never really done anything sexual, you were somewhat afraid of doing it in case Jude was just using you for your body and also because you were genuinely just afraid in general. Jude never pressured you into having sex because he knew it was something that the both of you cherished. However today was different, you guys were hanging out as usual at his house and things started getting heated; Jude kissed you slowly and sloppily while gripping his hands on your waist. You kissed him back and shoved your tongue in his mouth slightly and pulled his hair a little, Jude let out a little grunt and his grip tightened around you, Jude stopped suddenly “babe are you sure you wanna go further” to which you panted and say “yes I need you so bad Jude”. You stand up and start stripping slowly trying to tease him which was working, he couldn’t keep his eyes off you and you noticed something growing in his trousers; you stood there finally done stripping with a smirk on your face waiting for Jude to do the same. Jude started stripping but faster than you which caused you to become shy under his hungry gaze; you always knew that Jude was bigger than you but it still shocked you that he was huge down there, you were nervous that it was gonna hurt since you’ve never dealt with someone that big before, Jude could sense that you were nervous to which he stated “Y/n do you wanna carry on, we don’t have to if you don’t want to”, you reassured him that you wanted to. You guys continued with the heated kissing and Jude was rubbing you down there, your moans echoed in the bedroom which turned Jude on even more. He slowly started lining himself up which caused you to grow impatient “Jude hurry up please” he smirked and pushed it all inside you causing you to gasp. Jude kept going inside you slowly because he knew it would hurt at first, once you started getting used to it you begged him to go faster “be ready princess” was what he stated and he started going faster. It was pain mixed with pleasure causing you to moan even louder than before; you were so tight around Jude causing him to groan continuously and praising you constantly “baby’s your doing so well, your doing amazing”, this pushed you over the edge and caused you both to cum together.

I tried to write smth longer and I hope you enjoy x

[luvyeni]

LONELY; LEE MINHO

pairings. softdom!minho x touchedstarved!reader

wc. 1k+

warnings. oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, praise kink, breeding kink

this was a request but i can't find who sent it, it must've been deleted. i'm not good at angst but i tried.

lee know constantly being away was starting to get hard, especially during tour.

—

you knew what you were getting yourself into when you entered into a relationship with lee know, but it still didn't hurt any less when he was super busy.

like recently he started touring once again, flying from country to country, doing what he loves.

he recently returned from singapore, having a few days off in korea before he had to go back in the air to head to japan.

he was so exhausted when he came home, and all he wanted to do is rest by himself and take care of the cats before he had to go, and being the person you were, you didn't want to bother him, so you let him be.

but you couldn't help but crave his touch, not even sexually (even though you wanted that too), but you just wanted to be held by him.

"love, have seen my phone charger, i'm packing my bag for tomorrow and I need my extra charger?" you pointed to the dresser.

"thank you." he put it in his bag. "i can't believe we're going back to japan, it's crazy I feel like we've been there a hundred times."

he then went on rant of how many more countries they had to go, and as he went on, you couldn't help but start to tear up, you just want him to stay home with you.

"and then we- whoa what's baby what's wrongs?" he put his things down, rushing over to the bed. "are you sick?" you shook your head no.

"what is it?"

you felt so embarrassed for crying, but you couldn't keep it in anymore. "i really want you to stay, i miss you so much, i wanted to just touch you and be with you when you came home, but you wanted to be alone, so i didn't want to bother you, but now im gonna be alone again."

lee know felt bad, he knew you craved physical touch a lot due to things in your past. he didn't mean to shut you out these past couple days, he was just so exhausted he hadn't even noticed.

"my poor baby, i've been neglecting you haven't i?" you sniffled, nodding. "you just wanted to be loved and touched, and i haven't been a good boyfriend, im sorry." he cupped your face, wiping your tear stained cheeks.

he pulled you into a passionate kiss, his soft lips made your entire mind go fuzzy. he pulled away noticing your new state, your eyes glossed over. "my pretty baby, i got you." He pulled you into his lap.

he left little kisses along your shoulder blade. "i..i w..want you." iou whimpered. "i..i want you to touch me, please."

normally he would tease you, and make you beg for his touch, but he could tell you were not in the right headspace for this. "okay baby, lay down for me." you crawled out of his lap, laying on your back.

"good girl."

he kissed down your tummy, to your waist. "p..please."

he pulled your pants and panties down, tossing them somewhere in the room. "so pretty love." He kissed your thighs.

"you smell so fucking good princess." you wiggled your hips, but he stilled them with one hand. "i got you princess, i got you."

he gave your clit a little kiss, before licking a strip down your folds. "m..minho." you fingers ran through his hair, tugging at it as he ate you out.

"you feeling good princess?" his finger prodded at your wet hole. "so wet." He slid his finger inside, licking your clit, adding more stimulation.

"i..i'm g..gonna cum."

"g..go ahead, cum whenever you want princess." he added another finger, speeding up his process.

your eyes rolled to the back of your head, thighs shaking as you came on his fingers. "good girl." He kissed you, essence still on his lips, making you moan.

"c..cock, w..wan' your cock." you were a mess, head in the clouds... lee know thought you were a adorable, babbling mess.

"want my cock? okay, you can have it." he pulled his sweats down, underwear too. he stopped you from touching him , cooing at you when you whined in frustration.

"relax baby this is about you, it's all about your pleasure only today." he touched your cheek once more. "let me handle it."

he positioned himself at your hole, wasting no time, pushing inside you. "fuck baby you're so tight."

he slowly pulled out, before slamming back in you. "s..sso b..big!" he gave you another kiss to the temple. "im so -shit- im so sorry for neglecting you." he thrusted slowly inside you.

"i know you hate when i leave princess, i hate leaving you, wish i could take you with me." you whined because that's all you could do.

"keep you by my side at all time for motivation before a preformance, fucking you in the hotel room after the preformance." he tugged at your nipples.

"you're clenching around me fuck, you're gonna cum again? go ahead cum, be my good girl and cum." he began to pick up his pace.

"lee know- fuck! " with a scream of his name, you came around his cock. he rode out your high, feeling himself about to cum also.

"shit! i'm gonna cum- im cumming." you felt his cum paint your walls white, thrusting three more times, riding out his high. "good job, you did such a good job princess."

he pulled out of you, you whined at loss of contact. "im hear baby, i'm still here."

he waited for you to come down, smiling as you looked him in the eyes. "you're back." he caressed your cheek. "let's get you cleaned up."

you grabbed his hand, stopping him from moving. "no, please let's just handle it in the morning, i just want to cuddle with you." he nodded; laying next to you, wrapping you in his arms.

"i really am sorry, i didn't mean to ignore you, i was just so tired,i hadn't noticed." You nodded. "it's okay."

"never be afraid to tell me you need me okay? even if im tired, i will always make time for you, okay? i love you." you kissed his lips softly.

"i love you too."

he kissed your forehead, pulling you even closer if that was possible, and that's how you spent the rest of the night, in each others arm, enjoying each others presence in silence.

©️LUVYENI

[bewitched-bee]

Breeding- Rain ghoul x fem!reader

This is purely self indulgent. Wrote this just as something for me. Was gonna make it a whole thing, never wrote more. As always, I suck at the warnings, let me know if something needs added.

CW: Unprotected sex, vaginal sex, breeding, biting, knotting, mentions of heat cycles, mentions of pregnancy.

I had been told to stay away from ghouls during their heat cycles. However no one mentioned if I was mated to a ghoul, my mate mark would hurt like crazy during their cycle. I was on the couch in the dens when I felt my mate mark start hurting worse. "You okay" Swiss asks looking over at me.

“My mate mark is killing me" I say. "Oh yeah Rain's in the middle of his heat cycle. You two are mated" Swiss says. "Yeah no one warned me of this before we got mated" I say. "Well the solution is simple, let him fuck you" Swiss replies with a grin.

"I was told to stay away from ghouls in their rut.” "Water ghouls aren't aggressive like other types of ghouls. Rain will just more than likely be a little rougher than normal. And he'll want to knot you.” “He'll want to what" I reply, Swiss looks shocked and I hear someone else laugh. Dew had entered the room.

“Rainy hasn't told you anything about his rut has he" Dew asks. "He just told me to stay away. He also gave me a basic rundown of what his rut is, but he never said anything about a knot.” “Okay well you know what ghouls in their ruts do right" Dew asks sitting on the couch next to me. "Yeah" I reply looking over at him.

"The knot is for breeding purposes. So when a ghoul wants to breed someone, they'll use that knot to lock their load in you. It helps up the chances of some kits being conceived then" Dew says. "We've never talked about the possibility of children before" I reply.

"Well there's no guarantee you'll get pregnant with some kits. But if he knots you while going through his rut, then it's a higher possibility than normal" Swiss says. "So that's why he told me to stay away" I question. "More than likely yeah. Especially given you just said you two haven't discussed expanding the family" Swiss replies.

“So uh how big is his knot? I’m not exactly good with things that stretch down there.” “His knot is just a few inches thicker than his normal width, it’s not unbearable but it will be a bit of a stretch. But once he’s in, it’ll feel real good” Dew replies. “How long does it take to deflate?”

I hear Swiss snicker. “Okay Swiss, excuse me for not knowing everything about ghoul anatomy.” “I’m sorry I just thought Rain would’ve explained all this to you” Swiss replies. “Anyway the knot can take anywhere from 3-5 minutes to deflate. It depends on how worked up he gets once he’s in you” Dew says.

“Wait he can keep his knot inflated even after he cums” I ask. “Yeah he can keep it inflated as long as he wants if he keeps thrusting into you occasionally” Dew says. “If I were you, I would just go in there and see for yourself. Like I said he won’t be aggressive. He will have enough clarity to him if you ever wanna stop things” Swiss says.

“Alright guess I’ll go help him out then” I say getting up. “Have fun” Dew says with a smirk before I leave. I get to Rain’s door and immediately hear him moaning and groaning. I knock on the door, it’s not long before it opens. Rain stands there with a blanket covering his lower half.

His hair is disheveled and his cheeks are flushed. “Fuck get in here” he says grabbing my arm. He shuts the door and his lips meet mine. He lets out a whine as his cock brushes against my leg. “Please help me, it hurts so bad” he says pulling away from my lips.

“Why have you not been jacking off” I ask brushing his hair behind his ears. “I have been it doesn’t help, I’m constantly hard it won’t go down” he says. “Is it because we’re mated” I ask, Rain nods his head. “I thought I could handle it alone but I was wrong. I didn’t want to ask for help since we’ve never discussed expanding the family” he says.

“I mean it’s not guaranteed I’ll get pregnant, but if I do then so be it” I say. Rain looks up at me, his tail flicks wildly behind him. “Does this mean I can fuck you” he asks, I nod my head. “If you want to keep those clothes you better take them off, if not I’m shredding them to make this easier” he says.

“I mean I’m not attached to them” I say, he smirks before his claws rip my clothes. “Bed now” he says removing the blanket from around his waist. I get on the bed and Rain hovers over me. I notice Rain seems nervous now, “Rainy talk to me what’s going on?” “My brain is just screaming ‘breed’ and I’m so afraid. What if it takes? You’ll hate me for getting you pregnant” he says.

“Rain listen to me, if I didn’t want the possibility of a pregnancy. I wouldn’t have came in here. I’m well aware this could result in us becoming parents earlier than expected” I say as I run my thumb over his cheek in a soothing manner. “I know but I also know pregnancy is the last thing you want. But fuck my brain and body is telling me to breed you” he replies.

“Then breed me” I say looking into his teal eyes. He places his head in the crook of my neck and starts nipping at the skin. The action alone makes me clench around nothing. I can feel myself grow wetter. Rain moves his head and bites into my shoulder.

“Rain fuck” I moan as my hips buck upwards. He runs his tongue over the bite mark before he looks at me again. “I bet you’re dripping, you smell so good right now” he says. He reaches a hand down and gathers some of my wetness before he sticks his fingers in his mouth.

“You are dripping, and you taste so good. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back” he says. “Then don’t hold back” I say, with that being said he enters me in a swift motion. He lets out a sigh of relief as he starts thrusting. “You feel so good” he says, I pull him down for another kiss.

I moan against his lips when his thumb starts rubbing my clit. I can feel my orgasm building up already, “Rain I’m not gonna last” I say, he chuckles “I’m not either.” The closer I get to my orgasm, I feel the base of him start swelling. “You can take my knot can’t you” he says as his thrusts start to falter.

“Give it to me rain” I say, he growls as he pushes his knot into me. As soon as he’s all the way in, my back arches off the bed as my orgasm washes over me. Rain moans as I feel rope after rope of cum spill into me. He collapses on top of me and I start scratching at his scalp. “You were so good for me” Rain says pressing a kiss to my collarbone.

“Do you feel better now” I question, Rain’s tail wraps around my thigh. “Yeah I do.” “So we’re stuck like this for a few minutes” I question, he nods. “Yeah unless you want more rounds.” “Not now….I love you but that knot of yours hurt going in” I say.

“I’m sorry why didn’t you say anything” he says. “Didn’t want to ruin the moment, besides the pain passed as soon as I had that orgasm.” “Well I can tell you, the first time getting knotted is the worst, it’ll get easier the more it happens” he says. “Maybe we’ll try it again in a few days. Your heat cycle will be over then but can you get the knot to form any time?”

“Oh my love, you have no idea how many times I’ve almost popped a knot.” “So that’s a yes” I question, he chuckles. replying with “yeah.” We lay there in silence for a bit and I feel his knot start to go down.

“I’m thinking a nice warm bath, what do you say” he asks lacing our fingers together. “That sounds perfect actually, I don’t think I can walk though.” He chuckles, pulling out of me and gently scooping me up. “I’ve got you, I’ve always got you.”

[scrapyardboyfriends]

I feel like I'm good at mostly ignoring this story until I catch up on the show and then I have to rant about it so....

the rant...

Obviously the premise of this story was already bad from the conception of John as a character. It was already kind of lazy and one single character was not going to rebuild the Sugden family anyway.

But every decision they've made since that character conception has been more baffling than the next really.

Because they could have just told a straightforward story about Vic finding a long lost Sugden brother and him coming to the village and getting to know Vic and Harry and Sarah and meeting Aaron and them trauma bonding over his army past and them getting together after that even though the Robert of it all is weird and maybe causes some surface level angst because god forbid they actually do anything with that.

And like...that would have been pretty dull and boring but it would have been a vaguely functional story.

Instead, they've been promoting this story like it's this big A story with Aaron sleeping with his ex husband's brother and being seduced by the Sugden charm and having sizzling passion overtake them all the time etc etc. And then on screen they're always like the D story and half the time you wouldn't even know what the scenes are trying to get across if you hadn't read the spoilers.

And then they keep missing out on actual story by going surface level with any of the Robert mentions, by not giving anyone any kind of motivations realistic or otherwise and constantly undercutting any potential drama before it even happens.

They've paralleled a bunch of random Robron affair scenes for no apparent reason other than to vaguely remind the viewers of Robert and Robron cause they want it to be dramatic but then it's not in the actual story and because they think that's all it takes to sell a romance story for Aaron? Unclear.

They've really done very little with the Robert mentions other than get them in there so they can put his name in magazines. But Aaron seems to have gotten over it all very quickly around the time John "kissaulted" him in the barn.

Their entire relationship thus far is based on sex. They've never even tried to have a conversation about anything else. Certainly not on screen. Aaron appears to have feelings according to the spoilers but we've seen very little evidence of it on screen and they haven't given any reason why he might like John. John is just blank. And I don't even feel the sexual attraction or sexual chemistry between them in any way because they have to sell it by John constantly telling him "I know what you want" etc. So I just have no clue why they're even doing this.

Then you have Vic who's stalking him because she's desperate for family, which I get but also he's kind of mostly been an asshole to her but that doesn't matter cause he's family and she must have it.

Then you have Mack who they created this animosity between him and John out of thin air for no apparent reason to the point that Lawrence doesn't even know why his character hates John.

And then they have Vic catch them in the barn and then tell everyone so you can have Mack be all weirdly jealous and tell Aaron he deserves better and have Aaron lie to him about still seeing John and lie to Vic because she doesn't want them to date so they won't break up and John won't leave.

And like fine I guess.

But then you do this fire story and have John be the big hero and now Chas is fawning all over him when before she had some minor reservations and you have Mack thanking him for saving his life.

So is Mack still going to be that upset when he finds out Aaron and John are still loosely a thing? I feel like they totally undercut that bit of future drama. I guess he can be upset Aaron lied to him but he's gonna be mad for like one scene and then everyone will move on.

And then is it going to be that dramatic when Vic finds out and has...*checks notes* the exact same reaction as before most likely?

Where is the story?

There isn't one.

And it's not like when Robert and Aaron's affair was discovered and Robert's whole marriage imploded and then eventually he worked his way back to Aaron and they got together properly.

Aaron and John are already basically together?? I guess?? Like there's nothing stopping them. It's not like there's any story in them getting together properly after they're discovered again and everyone has their very tepid reactions?

Sigh.

And then there's the Aiden Moore mystery they threw in there, which everyone has mostly guessed will be someone he lost in the army.

And is that supposed to explain his whole character and why he pushes everyone away? Cause he lost one person in the army?

Stacked up next to the trauma porn king, Aaron Dingle?

John tells Aaron about losing Aiden and Aaron's like "Yeah I can relate" and John's like, "Really, you lost someone too?"

And Aaron's like "Yeah take your pick. You want the boyfriend who got hit by a train and was paralyzed who then made me help him die and then I was on trial for his murder and started self harming? You want the boyfriend who was killed by the local serial killer and then my sister was arrested for it cause she was drinking so much at the time she couldn't remember if she'd killed him? You want that same sister who was then killed in a storm by a falling caravan that I probably could have stopped if I'd told people about my mom having an affair? And that's not even getting into the Robert of it all and what losing him did to me. Or there's you know my whole childhood wrecked by my father abusing me or my traumatic coming out and suicide attempt."

And John's just gonna be there all...

Just...like...I'm sorry...his little traumatic army past is not going to hold a candle to Aaron's litany of traumas or explain enough why he is the way he is.

And then what...they trauma bond. People find out they're still sleeping together and are vaguely bothered about it for one scene and then they're just...together?

Just what is the point of it all?

Why create all of these obstacles to them being together to then not actually really use any of them?

And then is Oliver going to want to leave in a year and then it's all for nothing anyway?

Sigh....sigh...sigh...

[sugar-grigri]

If you haven't done one before, could you do an analysis of Denji's use of sexuality as the only form of love he still has untouched?

Sex and love, two bets Denji wants to take

At first, touching breasts, getting close to a girl, was a way for Denji to fill something he didn't understand. Projecting his lack of relationships, and affection, into what was visible, represented on those posters and magazines, through all those sexual images. Denji is someone who reasons through his senses, his intuitions. For him, pure physical contact was love.

When he loses Pochita for the first time, Denji doesn't immediately place his feelings in the abstract. He's sad, having just lost his family, but physically, organically and symbolically, he remains in his heart, he is his heart. It's only afterwards, as Denji experiments, that he understands the ambivalence of relationships: things don't turn out as we'd hoped, we can even have bad experiences, be violated against our will even when we were convinced we'd get a reward, a pleasant, harmless act.

Proposing a carnal act is not necessarily an act of kindness; on the contrary, it's often a way of dominating and manipulating the other person. Falling in love and sleeping together isn't as simple as cooking and eating. It's a risk before it's a pleasure.

Then there was Aki and Power. The symbol of platonic family relationships. For whom Denji didn't realize his attachment until after their loss. To the point of understanding that losing someone isn't as simple to resolve as sleeping when you're sleepy. That it follows us without solution.

Denji understood this plurality of love, he also understood that sex, or one's own body, is a currency of exchange, as his dialogue with Yoshida had shown. A body can be bruised, sex can be non-consensual. These aren't just abstract concepts, Denji doesn't think like that; if he's understood them at all, it's through his own experiences.

In chapter 127, Denji catches up with Asa, subjected to the Falling Devil, who argues that life is only pain. What Denji is trying to do is reassure her, which is not easy for him as speech is not his strong suit. But he puts himself in her place anyway, and it's one of the rare times when CSM expressly and voluntarily helps someone simply to help them, without projecting anything behind it (he wasn't supposed to see Asa anymore).

He then talks about cats and dogs, because he knows that universally they are beings that bring us happiness. But he also evokes all his traumas: ice cream (Aki), cats (Power), but above all hamburgers (representing his mourning when he gave up control of his being to Pochita). Denji evokes them all positively, yet symbolically, they are all finely chosen elements that will evoke negativity.

But in the end, Denji says he's moving on to have sex one day. I know this isn't the right way to reassure Asa, but Denji wanted to help her, to comfort her, and he did it sincerely, because he can't change what he says if it's what he thinks. Wanting sex is what a teenager wants. It's also a desire for Denji not to compartmentalize growing up and not to pay attention to his needs.

Denji is attracted by what he can touch directly, by pure sensations. So it's natural that he only talks about sex. That's not to say he'll reduce his girlfriend to that, he just doesn't know what envelops the act, feelings, love. He's never had a girlfriend!

Denji was abandoned by his parents, dehumanized, having grown up with a demon, behaving like an animal. So he answers his questions with this latest experience, a sensation not yet acquired: the origin of humanity, his own, Asa's. If everyone's doing it, it must be good!!!

Sex is presented as two sides of the same coin in this part, as a kind of naive claim for Denji to move forward, to get out of his pain, but something that is constantly used against him, to manipulate him, that puts him in danger.

And once again, he begins to spot the danger, but can't fight it. Fumiko is the perfect example, a symbol of his sexual trauma to which Denji is completely subjected.

Denji is beginning to know that sex can be both positive and negative. But he also doesn't know how to discuss it, how to talk about it, especially to the girl he's interested in. As he thinks sex is something universally pleasurable so talking about it had to resonate in Asa as much as cats, dogs, ice cream. He presented something that was also traumatic in a beautiful light.

Denji wants a girlfriend, he wants to be loved and to love, yes. Even though love is rarely a pleasant experience, even a factor of despair.

Denji also wants to sleep with someone, yes something just as risky, or he consciously knows he can be used and manipulated for it.

Sex isn't Denji's way of being loved, it's like love, something as beautiful as it is traumatic. And Denji wants to experiment. Even if it means suffering. Because in suffering, there will always be pleasure.

CSM, the fruit of an act of love for Pochita and mourning for Denji, is above all the chimera of trauma.

Denji doesn't think he can get out of the trauma. He has experienced it so much that he now sees it as something necessary to experience. He doesn't confront suffering, he deflects it, even if it means suffering more.

How could Denji break out of this cycle?

By learning to trust.

And that's something he'll experience with a teenager who's distrustful, his opposite.

Both the attraction and the rejection of sex are normal reactions for two teenagers. But they are also two responses from the two protagonists to their own suffering.

Denji's obsession with sex is a desire to move forward, to tie the knot to the point of putting himself in danger. Asa's absolute rejection of contact is also symbolic of the fact that she no longer wants to suffer by connecting with others, even if it means suffering from her loneliness.

One is literally swept away by his suffering, while the other cuts off his own head to get some hope, accepting his suffering as necessary, even if it deprives him of his loved ones. And the result will be the same: solitude.

You can't throw yourself into someone's arms, just as you can't isolate yourself.

Loneliness will devour them if they don't bond with each other.

A relationship with someone you trust is enough.

[ae-neon]

ANTI NESSIAN

The short of it:

ACOSF romance sounds like an incel revenge fantasy where the man gets to punish and fuck the woman who rejected him and mold her into a copy of the woman his role model/best friend/ alpha daddy is fucking.

The long of it:

I don't like when women's fear, anger and rejection is taken as a challenge.

Every now and then I wanna read ACOSF, tell myself I'll just ignore the Cassian stuff and eat around it, you know? Then I see canon Nessian interactions and I gag.

I don't know if it's because I don't read dark romance so I haven't been exposed and numbed to the truly heinous things authors are doing in their romances but I can't.

I'm just gonna sit back down in my anti Nessian seat cause it was never my favourite dynamic to begin with but it's to the point I can't even read fanfic bout them anymore (and I'm missing out on some good shit!)

I've read love interests who are mean to everyone BUT their intended partner.

I've read love interests who are mean to everyone INCLUDING their intended partner.

But a love interest who is ONLY mean to his intended partner?

I use the word mean very loosely here.

And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if him constantly pushing her to react or getting in her space didn't include or was immediately followed by super sexual thoughts or intention. That shit is predatory.

Earlier Nessian walked a fine line and I was even willing to move past that awful ACOWAR tent scene but ACOFAS? Cassian doesn't have to be perfect or nice on his own, as a character, but he might as well have thrown the idea of Nessian in the Sidra.

The combo of

wanting Nesta sexually but not liking her personally

having an inferiority complex about himself that he projects onto her interactions with him

History of a high born woman using him and finding a symbol of that same type of woman downtrodden and vulnerable

Having that woman entrusted to his "guidance and care" by almost everyone without question

Confirmation through a magic bond that she was literally made for him, belongs to him and would be best to bear his children (GAG)

Him using his position as her "carer and guardian and authority figure" to punish her on behalf of a man (and group) he desperately looks up to and wants to please

Him molding her to meet the requirements in order to be accepted by said man and group even when it goes directly against how she's expressed she wants to live.

Him molding her to mirror the wife of the man he looks up to

It feels like if this was set in the Victorian period he'd have had her lobotomized and locked away if she didn't correct her behaviour to him and his friends' standards.

Like can you imagine your (already deteriorated) well being signed off to a man who tells himself he loves you but doesn't act like it? wants to fuck you to prove he's good enough to everyone else? Is basically best friends with ACOTAR Elon Musk?

It sounds like an incel revenge fantasy.

And how is several people physically barring someone who is clearly using sex as a coping mechanism from having sex with anyone but this one guy not a weird coercive thing? Like you're taking advantage of her, I'm so disgusted.

All this without even mentioning the 500 year age gap and power imbalance and imprisonment and sense of extreme isolation and lack of mental health care etc etc

[legitalicat]

Appalachian Sihtric - NSFW Blurb

Based on this tiktok!

Collection masterlist here!

Summary: What's the point of going away except to come back to play?

CW: dirty talk, masturbation, language, p in v sex, property damage, temporary long distance, blue collar man

Pairings: Appalachian!Sihtric Kjartansson x you

Sihtric, about a year into your marriage, decided he was going to work a summer on an oil field while his shop was being renovated. And as such, he was away from you for most of that time. He had to travel states away from. That was okay, really, because you knew he needed this. He needed to prove to himself that he could do whatever it took to support his wife.

You weren't surprised, necessarily, when he started sending you videos of him on the job. But it did surprise you how much you loved them. You loved them enough to not even mind when he later started making tiktoks for his work. The women commenting and thirsting over him didn't even make you flinch.

You never had anything to worry about. The man was as loyal as a dog and called you whining whenever he couldn't make himself cum, begging for you to talk him through it.

Though, if you were honest, you were just as bad. Watching him work on anything had always made you melt. And the forced distance between you did nothing to make you feel any less need for him. It only drove you crazier, until eventually you would put his shirt on and fuck your fingers while on the phone with him.

Much as you were tonight.

"Such a good girl, touching yourself for me," he said over the phone. "Fuck, baby, can practically feel you. Bet you're so fucking tight right now."

"Mph," you moaned out, your fingers buried deep in you.

You were eagerly pumping your own fingers in and out of yourself, brushing constantly over the rough spot in your cunt, bringing you to the edge already. Your fingers were nothing compared to Sihtric, though. Any part of him could give you infinitely more pleasure. Whether you were impaled on his cock or riding his thigh, you never knew a moment of anything but the purest pleasure because of him.

"Need my huge cock, don't you babygirl? Fill you up to the brim and fuck you over and over again until you can't take anymore," he said breathily into the phone.

For a moment, nothing reached your ears but the sound of his voice. Then there was a creak in the floorboard at the foot of your bed. Your eyes, which had previously been shut to drown out anything but him, flew open.

Sihtric stood there, phone in one hand and your favorite flowers in the other. He was staring at you like you were a work of art. Your husband home at last.

He was a bit more tanned than when he had left, his muscles having grown too. All of this you and watched through his videos and video calls. To have him in front of you was something else entirely.

Neither of you spoke as he hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed somewhere. You watched eagerly as he gingerly sat the flowers down on the dresser and ripped his shirt off his body. Actually ripped it. Grabbed it at the neckline and pulled it until the fabric tore and fell to the floor.

You removed your fingers from yourself just before he got on the bed. Sihtric hovered over you and began kissing your neck, his hands trailing over your thighs.

"So sorry I haven't been able to take care of my girl properly," he muttered, nipping at your skin. You shivered as he did so, pussy clenching at his word.

"Fuck me," you managed to say out as you desperately began trying to grab at his belt and undo it.

He chuckled and playfully swatted your hands away before undoing his belt and his pants with just one hand. The whine escaped you before you could stop it.

He didn't make you wait. Once his pants were off and forgotten about, he lined himself up with your entrance. You let out a deep breath you didn't even realize you were holding when he began to push into you. His cock was long and thick, stretching you to the brink. There was a burning feeling that hovered between pleasure and pain since it had been so long, but you couldn't pretend as though you didn't love it.

"Fuck, baby, what a good little wife I have," he whispered to you as he looked down to watch his cock sink into you. "Almost can't stop myself, darlin'."

"Then don't," you whispered, leaning up just enough to nip at his throat.

His hand found yours, interlocking your fingers, before he pushed himself completely into you with a growl. With his free hand, he groped at one of your breasts over his shirt you still wore.

"Should fuck you wearing my clothes more," he said quietly.

He pulled out before immediately thrusting back into you. Sihtric did this repeatedly, sure to join your hips to his. His movements were so hard and deep the entire bed moved, bedframe hitting the wall. You had already been so close.

The sounds of the bed moving, his growls of ecstasy, his heavy balls slapping against your ass all worked together with the way his cock rubbed against that spongy little spot. Already, you were moaning his name and warning of your cumming orgasm. The pressure behind your navel as the invisible band of pleasure built more tension. Your free hand buried itself in his hair.

"Fuck yes, pretty girl. Keep fucking squeezing around me, fuck," he muttered, breathing ragged already. "Need you so bad, need to fucking cum in you."

Your leg wrapped around his waist as his thrusts picked up in speed, allowing somehow for deeper entry into you. Your orgasm took you almost by surprise, the band snapping and a heat flooding over your body.

He cried out your name, stilling his hips and pushing himself balls deep into you. You could both feel the way his cock throbbed while rope after rope of thick cum painted your walls. He was panting, groaning, repeating your name as though you were a goddess that he was praying to.

You were shaking when he pulled himself from you. He laid beside you and held you close, both of you breathing heavy still. Instinctually, you turned to him, burying your face in his neck.

"On the downside, I think the wall now has bedpost shaped dents," he muttered, looking at the wall quickly.

"But you're home. That's all that matters," you whispered.

><><>><><><><><><><><><

Taglist: @foxyanon @zaldritzosrose (message me or comment to be added to the taglist!)

[redditreceipts]

Can I just say that after years of being in queer/TRA circles and being constantly bombarded with "OP's a TERF; their opinion is invalid," "hmm this [basic statement about misogyny existing] seems like radfem rhetoric," "how could you say that? That's so bigoted!" and just constant variations of "think this, you're bad if you think otherwise" after all of that it is so refreshing to come to radfem spaces and to see people very firmly state their opinions but also be very clear about differences of opinions being "allowed." I've seen you and several other radfems talk about how radfem ideology isn't a religion and that's so refreshing. I have internally for years thought trans ideology sounded like a religion but I could never say that aloud.

It's kind of funny in that among TRA circles, they regularly talk about TERFs indoctrinating people and radfem ideology being "cult-like," but I haven't see that yet. I see that all the time in TRA spaces instead. I certainly don't agree with everything I see in radfem spaces, but whereas in TRA spaces I feel like I'd be ostracized for my differing viewpoints and even suicide baited in radfem spaces I so far feel like disagreement is allowed. Vehement and passionate disagreement perhaps but nothing that would devolve into a complete lack of respect or care.

thank you!!!

and yes, you don't have to agree with everything on my blog (or maybe you don't even agree with anything lol).

I actually think it's so weird that people can be very convinced of something, and still completely unwilling to defend that position. I mean, I understand that there are positions that people don't want to discuss all of the time, like whether the Holocaust actually happened or whether slavery should be legal. I personally wouldn't want to have this discussion every day, but I could defend my position - and I also don't think that the Holocaust and slavery are comparable to the question of whether biological males can be women.

I also don't understand the accusation of gender criticals being cultist. I mean, there is a huge spectrum of opinion, from people saying that some trans women are women, to people saying that trans women are women in some sense but not in the other, to people saying that no trans women are women but they're also not men, but a third category... all of these opinions would be labelled as "TERF"-opinions. on the other hand, in TRA circles, there is exactly one opinion you are allowed to have, and it's "trans women are women".

also, I am completely open to changing my mind. If anyone gave me an actual valid argument as to why self-identification should determine one's sex category, this will become a TRA blog in next to no time. Issue is just that I haven't heard one yet lmao

and the entire suicide-threat thing reminds me of Mahatma Gandhi, who would just go on hunger strike any time anyone did something he didn't like. you might argue that he had good goals or that he secured peace, but marginalised groups in India are still to this day angry with him because he prevented some of their movements by going on hunger strike. It's just so manipulative.

anyways, cool that you're here :)

[respectthepetty]

But what if Sand rejects Ray?!! I am gonna be devastated.

Anon,

SAND SHOULD REJECT RAY IF HE KNOWS WHAT IS GOOD FOR HIM!

Everyone is screaming at Nick to run far away from Boston, but this entire friend group is terrifying! I'm even yelling at cocky Top to back away from Mew before his entire life gets turned inside out. So if I'm praying Top comes to his slutty senses, know that I've already lit six candles for Sand to save himself from what Ray is about to do to him (I'm Catholic; we light candles and pray to saints. It's like speaking to a department manager for an issue instead of going directly to the supervisor).

Mew is a virginal slut (uses sex as a prize). Boston is a predatory slut (uses sex to feel superior). But Sand is dealing with a top level Slut for Christ, and we are the worst kind of slut.

We have that Christian Trauma™, so we invent new ways of sinning, then cope with it in the worst ways. The OG Slut for Christ, Cruel Intentions' Kathryn Merteuil, had a rosary with cocaine in the crucifix. We are NOT part of the problem. WE ARE THE WHOLE FUCKING PROBLEM!

We know we are messes, but we are too busy being attention whores to deal with those pesky feelings constantly gnawing at the inside of our brains telling us we are bad people.

Remember, Ray thought Sand had sex with him WHEN HE WAS DRUNK, and Ray was fine with that because when he evaluated the situation, at least Sand was attractive.

Ray thinks he deserves bad things to happen to him because he thinks he is a bad person, so being sexually assaulted by someone when he couldn't consent isn't that bad considering the guy was hot, right?

Ray doesn't think he deserves kindness. He doesn't think he deserves respect, and his friends don't give it to him. They make jokes at his expense, and call him a burden (because he is!). Which is why he hasn't gone after Mew. Mew is good. Mew is kind. Mew would never be with someone bad like Ray.

Which is why he will soak up all the love Sand is willing to give him,

just to throw it all back in Sand's face like the toxic bitch he is.

Because when you don't think you deserve good things, you will do everything to prove just how bad you are.

Ray has childhood trauma. He has Christian Trauma™. And he has money.

He is lethal.

So if y'all are upset at Dangerous Romance's Kanghan for being the biggest bully and the littlest bitch, know that Kanghan and Ray are BOTH Sluts for Christ. They have trauma, and they have money, and they will BOTH use that money to control people.

Because why else would someone hang out with a proven bad boy who has nothing going for him but his money if money wasn't involved? Ray followed Sand THREE TIMES, and each time, Sand was persuaded by money.

I haven't seen him take any money from Ray, but Sand has already set it up for Ray to believe that he can be bought, and Misery loves company, even if he has to pay for it.

And Ray will make Sand miserable.

It's the one thing we are good at.

[chaifootsteps]

Been playing BG3 again (I stopped at a certain point because I disliked enough of it to shelve it) but I'm back at it to actually form a good opinion on *why* I dislike it, since the refund period was already well out the window by the time I was fed up the first time around.

Why am I coming to you about this? Because I noticed something while playing and doing some digging on the other romance routes that I will not be doing. Astarion and Stolas are incredibly alike. It's fascinating to me, Astarion literally admits to the player that he manipulated you so you wouldn't ever cross him, but only after *he* fell in love does he decide you get agency. Which sounds very similar to how a certain owl treats a certain imp.

Honestly the more I play the game and do some digging on the fandom the more BG3 feels like Helluva Boss. Both stories had initial premise (for BG3 it was the Early Access, for HB it was the pilot/season 1) but fell into just being romance or focusing on the writer's pet (for BG3 this is Astarion). Both stories handle abuse abysmally (Wyll and Gale are both victims and yet their abuse isn't treated as serious? There was even a 'patch' where the PC could pressure Gale into group sex and he still expresses being uncomfortable the entire time, Wyll's abuse is... A fucking lot to get into) and both stories are just. Flat out racist? HB has the whole... Imps and Hellhounds metaphor going on (that gets conveniently forgotten about when we need to focus on how sad Stolas is) and BG3 also has fantasy racism (playing as a Teifling apparently has NPCs call you slurs right out the gate) but also just has normal, everyday racism in the foundations of the game (Wyll is the most lacking companion in content while Astarion gets more and more content, the lack of options for POC to make a character that even looks like them). *This* was 2023's GotY?

I'm so, so tired of mediocre at best pieces of work being propped up as 'the best thing ever and if you disagree you're a bad person' by fandom at large. I wish people were more critical of the things they consumed, I wish stories about male victims of abuse were treated seriously and not just made as wank fodder or without the author constantly implying that the victim 'deserved' it.

Apologies in advance if this is heavy, I generally try to form my thoughts about these things more constructively as I believe it's important to establish *why* something is flawed, but I'm so frustrated. It's hard to be charitable and kind all the time when it feels like doing so is coming up against a dead end. It also goes without saying that if any fans of BG3 see this, I don't hate you, I don't think you're a bad person for liking this game I despise, I'm just... Tired.

(I'd also like to request that this ask, if you decide to answer, is paired with the suggestive tag due to the language I've used. It's a personal preference, thank you in advance.)

Haven't gotten around to playing BG3, but between the resemblance to Stolas and the terrible flashbacks to actual worst character Iron Bull sleeping with your Inquisitor as a means of spying on them and then "catching feelings," I'm thinking I might have to skip romancing Astarion. At least there's plenty of other fish in the Baldur's Gate 3.

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

There were so many fanfic questions I wanted to ask!!😩 and my brain is so small I can’t remember number!

I think I wanted to know… 22, 31, 40, and one about what you hate to see in smut which I’ve forgotten the number of please 😁!

Ahhhhhh thank you Jessica <3 So much writing, it's going below the cut!

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Mmmmm! That's such an interesting question. At this point, I've written fanfic in 2nd and 3rd person, and am toying with original novel stuff in 1st so... any POV is a good POV ;) And genre-wise, I'd hate to limit myself. I haven't written any mystery thrillers, but what if I suddenly had an idea I was itching to write?!

Trope-wise... we've got enough f!damsel in distress saved by a man in the world already. And bad boys turned good by the purifying love of a sweet woman. Non.

(I was also about to say I hate the "someone's video goes viral" trope that's in so much media nowadays, but I would actually love to read or write a thoughtful version of that where the virality is believable and the consequences are actually considered and extend beyond "wow the MC is even MORE the centre of attention right now!")

31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

For non-OC-centric fic: I've already got the characters, so then they drive the plot.

For OC-centric fic: broad starting point of narrative ("Good-aligned Tav romances Rolan during BG3", "OC isekai'd into BG3", "Rolan pledges himself to hot queen") then gives rises to "what kind of character would work in this story? what character growth might be spurred by the inciting incident?" gives rise to the actual fleshed-out plot and story. So... never one without the other ;)

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Answered in forgetmemaybe's ask! <3 But um. Mostly big romantic moments b/c I'm a cheeseball (and smut because I'm a horndog. A horndog with cheese on?!)

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

OK, well, you all know my feelings about dominant men at this point, lmao. I'm just... really tired of the fact that men get to be dominant by default, whereas I feel like people have to be convinced that any particular man could be submissive or any particular woman dominant (unless she literally wears leather all day and is the most stereotypical domme to ever dominate). I used to feel I was more on the submissive side, but it's hard to disentangle that from the fact that kinkiness that for a woman especially is most acceptably channelled into submission. These days, submission to a man gives me the ick, and to anyone else leaves me rather "eh". (Also spare a thought for all the lovely subby men out there who are constantly the butt of the joke, and not in a sexy way. Submissiveness is not contrary to being a man).

(All this is said with a firm "everyone should write what they like", of course; I just steer clear of dom!m/sub!f, and skip over those scenes if I'm reading a fic I otherwise like. I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of men thinking they know best - there's enough sexist crap irl - and I don't have any interest in fantasies that echo that.)

On a different note - safe sex. I'm mostly joking here, but I just don't give a fuck about whether these characters got STI tested/are wearing condoms/implemented a full BDSM check in with safe words (you know, if you're not doing pre-agreed CNC then "no" and "stop" must be respected anyway, right?! An additional safe word is an option, but not a necessity). Pleaaaasseeeee why must this sex scene grind to a halt for a lecture on safe sex?! I'm a grown woman who's been fucking for a decade. I don't need this!

The only time I'm fine with it is when it's actually important to the plot/characterisation, or risky sex when partners know they shouldn't be doing this bareback but they're just! too! desperate! But then I like that we're bringing it up JUST to turn up the heat.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

I don't know much about poly relationships but I want to learn more so I can be educated and respectful. Do you have any misconceptions/stereotypes that really annoy/upset you? And any suggestions of good resources to learn more? No pressure to answer this of course :)

I love answering stuff like this, so it's definitely not a problem

as far as could resources? idk. I haven't come across many written by other people. I would consider myself a good resource?

maybe read my poly fics as a resource? because they are written by an actual poly person and they are written based on my experiences

No Place Like Home is THEEEE poly fic in my opinion. (small warning - the link is an AO3 link and my fics are archive locked, so you need an account to view it.) it is the one most heavily based on my personal experiences, and there is a lot of me and my partners in the fic.

from the fact that it starts with a sexual relationship and grows into emotional caring to the way that the characters lean on each other to heal their trauma, to the fact that the main central theme of the fic is "letting someone love you is hard when you feel as though you are inherently unworthy of love" - it is one of the biggest struggles I have had in my relationships - trying to push love onto someone who feels like they are unworthy of it and keeps pushing me away, and for myself - realizing how many small acts of self harm I commit through things like not eating and not sleeping, and letting someone take care of me and having that be very radical for me

a lot of my other fics have poly influences - basically any of my threesome fics have those influences and that attitude.

also, for the record - I have seen a lot of bad poly references and poly writing guides. I lost the post to the void so I can't like it right now, but I saw one a little while ago titled 'how to write poly relationships in fanfiction' and I was curious what someone else's advice on the subject would be, so I clicked on it - and it was abysmal. it was a fucking joke that was clearly written by someone who had never, ever been in a poly relationship before

they were saying that the number one things you need in poly fics are "lots and lots of clear consent and negotiation", and "lots and lots of conversations about everyone's wants and needs" - basically, every single minute of your life needs to be poly negotiation. which is not at all true. and they were also saying that poly fics should have aspects of how being poly influences 'domestic life' like having a fucking CHORE CHART and having each person have their own mug and like NO BITCH. being poly isn't about constantly negotiating and splitting the fucking chores

for us, poly 'negotiations' is like one or two conversations when someone enters the relationship. and it's not like some intense, earth shattering "I wanna address your needs" kind of thing, for us - it's like celebrating. it's like 'this person wants to be with us' and it feels like - happy. celebratory. and if there's individual issues, you address those when they come up. you don't have to talk things to death

creating an environment where open communication is welcomed is important, but constantly checking up on everyone and their 'needs' is unrealistic and just annoying

a real poly relationship is about the fact that you have a lot of intense emotions and you are a hyper emotional person and you feel that intense soulmate draw with multiple people, and so you pursue it with multiple people. it's about being someone who does not have a natural propensity towards jealousy (whenever I see people being like "how do you handle jealousy in a poly relationship?" WE DON'T. me and none of my partners are jealous people. that's why this works) - you just want your partners to have more multiple happiness through experiencing more love and more sex with other partners

also, it's important to differentiate a poly relationship from an open relationship. I have both

a poly relationship is when three people (minimum) come together and agree to all have romantic relationships with each other. and an open relationship is when people agree that their partners can have sex (or romantic relationships, dates, whatever they agree on) with anyone outside of the relationship without it having to be approved by the other poly partners first

also poly threads are a very important concept that people get wrong - people assume that a threeway poly relationship means that all three people are involved with each other, which might not necessarily be true. a poly thread essentially means 'which person is dating which person' in a poly relationship.

so for example - in No Place Like Home, there is a thread between Jason and the reader, and there is a thread between Jason and Gar, and there is a thread between Gar and the reader. which makes them a true poly triad

but I have drafted many fics that are poly Steve/Reader/Robin, but I wanted to maintain Robin's lesbian idenity, so there is a thread between Steve and the reader, and there is a thread between Robin and the reader, but there is no thread between Robin and Steve. which is still poly - two people dating the same person but not dating each other, or one person dating multiple people with permission is still poly, and a lot of people forget about that or get it wrong

I am rambling and none of this is organized omg

I think one of the big misconceptions that annoys me is that people think poly relationships are purely sexual? and for me, one of the draws is sex, but I am always, always, always drawn to a partner by emotions first. I say that I am very poly hearted. I have a heart that is naturally drawn to falling in love with someone and maintaining those intense, strong feelings - and for me, I don't usually participate in 'no strings attached' sexual activities outside the relationship because I like to have emotional sex, and I love the draw of taking care of someone emotionally and developing a connection with them and supporting them - and then having a lot of sex

for the record - there is nothing wrong with wanting an emotionless purely sexual experience. and I totally promote that for my partners if they want it. I am just saying that poly relationships are not purely sexually driven and while I am a very horny, sex driven person - I am very emotional person, and that is the root of my relationships. emotional sex

with all my partners, there was a really intense emotional connection first. I am drawn to people by their spirit and their traits and who they are as a person

also a big misconception is that if you have multiple partners, you love one of them less? which is bullshit. for me it's an infinite well of emotions and I don't start loving someone less if another person comes into the relationship

this is all I can think of for now? but if you have any more specific questions, definitely let me know. I would be happy to answer them

[ninapi]

○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●

Save me (Kageyama Version)

Premise: Friendship is a fragile thing. Keeping you safe was his priority for the longest time, but overcoming hardships along someone you hold dear form irreplaceable, indestructible bonds, and a childhood friend can easily become the love of your life; or so that was for Kageyama Tobio.

Word count: 3286

Note: Welcome to the final route for this series! If you’re new to the series, in order to understand what’s going on chapter 0 (link here) is very important, also Semi’s chapter 1 is the original set up for the current timeline so I would advise you to read that one first as well (link here), if you haven't yet. With that out of the way, let’s all scream together because Kags is finally here~ 🙊

Chapter 1: First Love

Kageyama Tobio had always been alone, ever since he was a child, his only friends were members of his own family. His overwhelming talent made his personality take a sudden turn for the worse when facing rejection by his fellow volleyball teammates.

He always knew he had talent and had been groomed since a young age by his even more talented grandfather to be at the top of the volleyball industry. He came to this world to be a setter and the people around him knew this, building an impenetrable barrier around him.

When he arrived at Kitagawa Daiichi that barrier just kept growing steeper. He knew he was at fault, he didn’t know how to make friends, how to be gentler, all he’s ever got from other people has been rejection, mistreatment, spiteful words, so that was all he knew how to give back.

Kitagawa Daiichi came with many downsides, but also brought an unexpected light to his life which he thought was completely out of his reach for the longest time.

His captain was the worse type of human being to ever exist. He felt threatened ever since his arrival to the team as they shared the same position, and he was clearly better at it, making his life miserable on purpose. Oikawa’s personality was the complete opposite to what he was, as annoying as one can be, but everybody seemed to love him regardless and he had something he could never aspire to get, you.

Being deep into volleyball since he was very young, this was the first time he developed some sort of interest for the opposite sex. You were the only person in the entire school who wasn’t mean to him, you weren’t scared of being a target for his hateful words, never annoyed by it either. Always worried about his well being, constantly nagging at the others for their comments and taking offense in his behalf. It felt weird having someone worry over him and at first it was nothing but a nuisance to him, he would always ignore you, wave away your smiles with disinterest. You shinned too bright for his taste and he didn’t know how to handle it.

He would say you were as annoying as your boyfriend was, but in reality, he was just lying to himself like he usually did when he wanted to run away from his problems. He didn’t want to see you in a better light because you fraternized with the enemy, someone willing to date Oikawa was definitely not worthy of his time.

But you kept on insisting, would just sit beside him without making any noise, all you wanted was to be there for him, if he wanted silence, that’s what he’d get. Companionship didn’t feel as bad as he thought it would and he started to look forward to the short moments he would share with you during practice. There was something about the way you looked at him so openly, there were no lies, no bad intentions, your presence was soothing and so, he stopped avoiding you all together.

Friendships aren’t easy to build, but you were the one putting in all the hard work, the least he could do was reply back to you when you felt like talking to him, stop pushing you away, and that did the trick.

When he saw Oikawa’s true colors for the first time a hole grew in his stomach. He couldn’t fathom someone could treat you the way he did. You had nothing but good intentions in life, your heart was full of love, you were a rare type of human, he’d never seen someone like you before, definitely didn’t deserve such a treatment especially not from someone who was supposed to love you.

He didn’t know there was a side to himself willing to protect someone, all he cared about was himself and volleyball, but somehow, wanting to protect you came out of him naturally and feeling your warmth against his chest the day everything blew up was a game changer for him. He could feel you tremble in fear, but he could also feel the way your body relaxed against his when you noticed he was there. The skin of your wrist was red and swollen, your face devoid of all color, making him realize Oikawa was indeed a piece of shit with everyone, not just to him, he sees that now and made him question your decisions, he wouldn’t even respect the only person around who truly deserved that respect, and suddenly he wished Oikawa would just go away for good without leaving a trace.

Days after that became dull. Oikawa stole his everyday happiness, the peaceful moments he shared with you in a secluded bench in the gym, the light banter that always led to your soft giggles. He lost it all just because your boyfriend saw you and him sharing some milk. It was his doing, he caused this, that’s why he wanted to leave in the first place and let you sulk without your lactose dose of the day, but he didn’t, he couldn’t resist the look of despair in your eyes, even if that meant cutting down his own intake of goodness. It was a silly simple action but ended up drifting you two apart, souring his mood for the entire rest of the year.

But when Oikawa finally left for high school, air came back into his lungs.

The very first day of your last year in Kitagawa Daiichi, the first thing you did was wait for him by the school gate. The smile you gave him once you finally saw him coming was like no other thing he’s seen before. Your eyes were twinkling in the morning light, your cheeks rosy with excitement, your hair had grown a bit over the winter break and you changed your hairstyle, somehow you looked more relaxed, it showed on your face. “Kageyama-kun! How have you been? I went to visit some friends in Tokyo over the weekend and they had this limited-edition milk, it made me think of you, so I got us two! Let’s try it in the lunch break, ok?” that’s right, he was gone, he could actually talk to you again.

“You really know how to get someone’s attention, don’t you?” chuckling, you laced your arm around his while you went inside the school building. It felt so freeing to the both of you not having to watch over your backs every single minute, not having to watch your words anymore. “See you at lunch then, T.O.B.I.O-kun~” you left him behind, running over to your classroom in a fit of crazy giggles, like if he was going to chase you around just for calling him by his first name, which of course he didn’t, though, it made him smile.

Lunch was fun, even if you stole one of his sausages. The weird milk you brought from Tokyo tasted like cough syrup, but it was so horrible that it just made everything better. He’s always eaten lunch by himself somewhere hidden from the rest, searching for a peaceful quiet moment, but you made lunch period fun, it was a good kind of different.

He thought about walking you home, you both lived in the same direction anyways, and your bashful smile when he suggested it made his chest feel a bit tight. Though, the giddiness in the air didn’t last long, as soon as you both came out of the school together a large angry hand stopped you from walking any further. “You seriously need to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend, Tobio-chan. Is it that difficult to understand that she’s already taken? That you aren’t welcomed here? Did mommy not teach you not to touch what’s not yours?” he thought he was gone for good and you never expected him to actually come and pick you up, his high school was pretty out of the way, it was absolutely not necessary for him to do so, but he didn’t trust you, didn’t trust the look in Kageyama’s eyes when you were around. “Don’t be like this, Toru. We were just headed in the same direction that’s all. Come on let’s go. We’ll get going now, Tobio-kun. See you around.” the sad smile on your face made him want to punch this man and his smug annoying face out of this world, you looked clearly bothered and uncomfortable, your wrist once again red and swollen. He thinks of how bright and how full of life your face was this morning and saw nothing left. This relationship was clearly taking a toll on you and he just didn’t know what to do to help or if it help was even welcomed.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Kageyama thought you’d be scared of Oikawa’s recurring behavior, he thought you’d stop talking to him once again, but you proved him wrong when he saw you waiting for him by the school gates like the previous day.

He’d never had a true friend before, so he was unsure if that’s how friendships worked, all he knew was that he wanted to continue with whatever that was for as long as it lasted, he wanted to continue being the source of your giggles, being the one to make you feel at ease and comfortable, the one you look for, not hide from. And so, it all began its natural course.

With you, not every day was a happy day, and he was well aware of that before even getting this close.

For some reason you couldn’t hide from him your sadness, your fear. He always knew when something was off. As the year went on, the off days were more than the good ones and all he could do was to be there for you. He wanted to do more, to kidnap you and take you away from this pain that hunted you. He wanted to make you understand what you were doing for Oikawa out of compassion was ruining your own life. He wanted to see you laugh more, to be carefree again. But you continued pushing your fears away and focused on your time together, you loved helping him practice during breaks, the exercise and his company almost made you forget the unpleasant life you were having.

That day you took a punch for him was more than a revelation for Kageyama. He wanted to officially have the roll to protect you, not only from this man, but from harm in general. The pained look on your face, the lack of strength on your legs that could barely support your own weight, you were such a kind loving person, seeing you so broken made him so angry he could barely contain himself.

Knowing you would finally leave Oikawa for good and attend Shiratorizawa brought excitement to his heart, finally, you would be free. You would be able to smile, he would be able to take you home, go out together on the weekends, share some ice cream, who knows maybe even hold hands, or so he thought, since he didn’t see you again in school after that and your phone number had been cancelled before he got the courage to give you a call.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

He did his best to get admitted in Shiratorizawa, even asked his sister to help him study. Originally he wanted to make his grandfather proud, but now most of all, he wanted to see you again.

Sisters are a pain. His study sessions turned into questioning, his sister was very much intrigued by this friend of his and used her help as bargain chip to squeeze information out of the poor boy. That day he learned friends don’t have this many feelings for each other and she ran around the house professing his undying love, earning her a ball to the face.

But she wasn’t entirely wrong.

He missed you. That wasn’t normal for him, but he thought it was because you were a very important friend and that was it, until he just couldn’t sleep at night thinking about the silliest of things, like that one time milk came out of your nose and he had to clean your face while you couldn’t stop laughing, how you would bury your face on his arm when you didn’t want him to see you cry, how short your skirt was in summer and how he was able to see that cute lil mole you had on one of your legs that you claimed didn’t even know of its existence, how you would always wait for him with a smile on your face even when you had an awful fight with his nemesis.

His sister was definitely not wrong.

The way his chest felt tight whenever you were sad, whenever you would get too close to his face, whenever you would cover his scraps with band-aids, whenever you smiled just for him to see.

At first, he thought it was annoyance, he thought he hated all these things, girls had always been overly attentive with him for some reason, and he’s hated their guts since the very beginning. But he caught himself smiling back one day and realized he didn’t hate it as much if it was you. He even kept one of your carebears band-aids in his desk’s drawer, always saying he would throw it away another day. Truth is, every time he sees it his chest feels full and that was a nice feeling, so it will probably live in his drawer for the rest of his days.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Going to Karasuno wasn’t a choice but a last resort option. He didn’t want to go to Seijoh that was a fact, so the closest second school to his house happened to be Karasuno and seemed like they had a volleyball club too. Anything was better than fighting Oikawa again for his position in the team.

It wasn’t his first choice, he hated himself for not being able to get in Shiratorizawa, but he found out quickly that Karasuno wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

It took some time, but he finally felt like part of a team and that was something he’s been searching for, for years.

The first time he faced Oikawa again he noticed the lack of you in the audience. He knew you said it was over, that you wouldn’t be with him again. But you had said that before many times, and he always ended up breaking you into accepting him back. He wanted to believe this time was true, but he had his doubts. Not seeing you there cheering for him was a good sign, making something resembling hope to bloom in his chest.

Time went by and he thought of ways to approach Shiratorizawa without being pegged as a creep, it wasn’t easy. He went a couple of times as far as he could get without being noticed and there was just no sign of you. Waiting at the gates would be just weird and would draw too much attention, sadly he didn’t know anybody at the school so getting someone to call you over was also not ideal for him, causing all his attempts to fail. The only option left was to win his way over to Shiratorizawa in the tournament, maybe he would get to see you there or at least could ask around.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Semi was going through some of the videos the coach had sent for them to analyze Karasuno and create some tactics, when you plopped down beside him, handing him his lunch. You made a sandwich for yourself, but you ended up buying too much bread, the most viable option being sharing it with your friend as usual. “So, what you doing?” you leaned over so he could share his screen with you, while chewing on some lettuce. “If you may know, rabbit girl, we are playing against these guys next, so we gotta watch them play and learn all their tricks.”

“So that’s how you always win then, you cheat.” laughing at Semi’s unimpressed face, you choked on your lettuce at a single shot of very shinny looking black hair. “EITA! Go back, go back!!”

“Go back where?” you snatched his phone away, doing it yourself, “OH my GOD, I knew it! I would recognize that hair anywhere. You’re playing against my Tobio? You doomed, babeh.” getting his phone back, he stares at the guy in question. He was indeed pretty good, was the only known threat in the list, but was always seen yelling at others and with a permanent scowl on his face, not what he was expecting him to be from the way you talk about him like he was some sort of soft angel. But you liked prickly guys, you were his best friend after all and he was definitely a sourpuss.

“Meh, he looks ok. Not as scary as the Miya twins, which we might have to face if we win against Karasuno. Nothing Ushijima can’t take down.” Hearts were coming out of your eyes while staring at his screen, it’s been so long since you’ve seen him. He looks way taller now, his face slimmer, he’s starting to look like a man, you’ve always thought he was cute, but cute didn’t quite make the cut anymore, he was hot.

“You are looking at him like he was a piece of meat on a grill, (Y/N). Have some self-respect will you, disgusting.” that made you laugh, but you wanted to watch the rest of the game, you could at least live vicariously through it and pretend you actually knew something about his current life. His teammates all looked like good people, they seemed to get along, it made you feel fuzzy inside, if that was true then you were happy for him, of course Shiratorizawa would have been a better fit for him, but Karasuno wasn’t half bad, they made him shine like the star he is.

“Can you send me the video?” grabby hands and puppy eyes were not enough to sway Semi, you knew this but at least you had to try, “You disgust me, but whatever, I’ll send it to you. BUT with one condition. You gotta promise you will go watch the match. That way you can practice going out on your own and you also get to see your eye candy boy again. Deal?” even after practicing with Semi, going out on your own was a terrifying thought, but you wanted to see Tobio and also cheer for your friends, you even promised Ushijima you would go watch one of their matches soon. “Deal.”

It would be scary, but it was a step in the right direction. You would be lying if you said your heart didn’t just skip a beat at the thought of seeing Tobio again, it was worth it.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

“Oh my GOD. Is that a girl?????” Hinata stole Kageyama’s phone running around the entire gym trying not to get caught. “Give me back my phone you imbecile.”

“What’s going on here? Stop acting like kindergarten kids.” Daichi took Kageyama’s phone away from Hinata and handed it over to its rightful owner, not before taking a peek first. His Lock Screen had in fact a picture of a girl laying her head on Kageyama’s shoulder with a dopey smile and dreamy eyes, he was right.

Kageyama had changed his phone background for the only picture he had of the two of you together, seemingly preparing for the match. He wanted to have it in hand so he could ask around Shiratorizawa, all he was thinking about was on ways to get to you, didn’t think his team would see it and make fun of him.

“She’s really pretty, though. Do you know her? She looks older.”

“Can’t say I do. Stop stealing Kageyama’s belongings, I won’t be able to stop him for long if you keep on acting like that.” Kageyama kept on mumbling to himself while hiding his phone in his pocket, a slight tinge of red peeking through his shirt to the back of his neck.

“Maybe he stole the picture from the internet and edited himself into it. He would never be able to get such a cute girl.” Tsukishima could be heard snickering on the background, setting his nerves ablaze, “Shup up, moron. Like you could even get another human to breathe the same air as you.”

Once again Daichi had to go in between them, dragging the smallest load out of the gym with him. If there was one thing he didn’t expect from Kageyama was girl problems, he thought he would be able to graduate in peace before the younglings entered that problematic phase.

But he was wrong.

○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●●

Tagged babes: @dazaisfavgf @lauraagrace @san-emi

Masterlist

[feuqueerfire]

Wandee Goodday Ep 6 Live Blogging

After failing terribly to keep up with 23.5 weekly, I'm happy that I'm catching the first episode that I'm watching as it airs on the day that it airs rather than 4 weeks down the line. I had to wait for 4 days since I finished ep 5 and it wasn't too bad of a wait but I'm also not disengaged. I think it helps that Oh No! Here Comes Trouble, the show I'm binging right now, is good but I can put it down for long enough to catch an episode of a different show without just wishing to watch Trouble instead.

Ep 6 (June 8)

6-1

domestic morning, as it tends to be with them

Yak sharing a past weakness with Dee. Also comes back to the fact that Yak hates to lose since he said he remembered his first boxing match loss for a long time

A bet? Among a pair who likes to win (Dee) vs hates to lose (Yak)? My bet would be that Dee will miss him more but since he's aware that he maybe likes Yak, he'll hold off on showing it whereas Yak will end up breaking first because he may not even realize just how much he's emotionally involved

So how are they supposed to figure out who misses the other more since they're calling and talking all the time

aw, Dee is alone at home and missing Yak and reminiscing about some conversations and wants to talk to Yak more

boxing elephant pants plug

toothpaste on mirror thing, pls you haven't seen Yak in like 3 days, you'll be fine!!

oh 3 days fr

at least Yak is also semi-aware that he kinda likes both Dee and Taem and even discusses it a bit with Yei

when Yak looked up from his phone and stared into the distance, I got afraid that Dee was gonna randomly open the doors lol

girl?! lmfao he showed up fr

I did think Dee was gonna lose his mind missing Yak but I wasn't actually expecting him to go meet him or to show it.

6-2

Dee drove 2 hours and is planning on driving back 2 hours because he has an early morning tomorrow? my guy

Great/Yak really just looks so Nong in this outfit and this night with both Yei and Dee, cutee

a chin kiss is so funny sorry

Ter constantly speaking over Dee again, aghhhhhh >:(

How often do we get to cheer for 2 beds rather than 1?

pushed the flights back by two days?! bro, Ter's audacity knows no bounds

let's kill this guy

6-3

non-binary genders mentioned

the kiss attack when Yak drags Dee out to the staircase is so cute

Kao don't tell Dee to get back to Ter!

all this discussion at the hospital, I'm always worried that Ter or one of the gossipy nurses are gonna overhear

spoke to soon. Ter watching Dee watch Yak

Taem being in the hospital makes everything chaotic because YakDee are supposed to pretend they're boyfriends while they're here but Taem should think Yak's still single and likes her. hard to juggle such contradictions

Cher's naughty hand hehe

is Cher insinuating they had (video) call sex? how fun

I wish they wouldn't do the 2 pairs' makeout scenes spliced together like this lol feels awkward

6-4

Yakdee on a double date with YeiCher ahh just confess guys

Second time Yak's helping Dee cross the road, I wonder when they'll get into his trauma with the road crossing and his parents' deaths

ah, debt collectors

Dee being part of the family being brought up twice in like 2 minutes

YeiCher are literally sooooo cute, I'm afraid of the debt collectors and how that'll affect their relationship

had to pause at the "If you hadn't passed by when I was assaulted" because what?!

Though I guess the follow up makes sense that Cher then wants to learn how to defend himself and so became a customer

You like him, Dee!

Very short episode, less than 45 minutes long including credits and the preview. Also feels like not much actually happened and there wasn't much progress emotionally or plot-wise beyond Ter making a move again, Dee kind of seriously considering how he feels about Yak, and we the audience see the debt collectors but Cher doesn't.

I knew Ter was gonna pull some shit but I was still so mad seeing him speak over Dee again! and then delaying their flights without discussion with Dee? let's just kill him wtf

I'm keen to see YakDee kiss or realize feelings or confess or anything and for Cher to discover all the debt Yei's in and have a discussion or falling out or whatever's coming. I want some progress on at least one of these fronts next episode.

[beansnpeets]

Sigh. This is incredibly tmi and personal, so leave now if you aren't prepared, but I haven't talked about this much and I fucking need to because I hate being afraid to talk about this.

I've mentioned it before here briefly, I think, but uh Jon's had a bit of an issue with porn.

About a year into our relationship I walked in on him in the bathroom one morning and that's when I'd figured it out. Every morning he would do that. Despite not soliciting anything from me. His excuse was that it helped him wake up and that it was less work than being intimate with me. I was hurt, but all I asked of him was to just not do that when I was home because it made me uncomfy and felt kinda bad that he was going there over me. He could not do this for me. He continued to do this and we had argument after argument about this. He got sneakier and sneakier about hiding it from me, but I always caught him.

Eventually I'd had enough and I figured if he can't at least cut this back I'd feel better if he just quit because it seemed like that was the only way and our sex life suffered pretty severely over this whole thing. He also could not do this. It took until last year when I threatened to leave him if he didn't quit. So he quit, as far as I was aware.

However he's started again because we haven't been intimate for some time, because I've had enough of this lack of respect and the unkindness that has been thrown my way by him. And he doesn't see how that, again, makes things worse. Because what was he supposed to do?? I told him he could do it without the porn at least, but apparently then it takes too long 🙄

But he's complaining that I won't even look at him anymore and I won't give him any attention, but he's not giving me reasons to WANT to give him those things. Asking him to fill the gap in our finances and our housework is too burdensome, he doesn't spend any time with me doing things, he refuses to fully commit to our relationship, and nothing I do is ever good enough. So yeah. I don't really want to sleep with a guy that's treating me like that. I don't want to give any romantic attention to that guy.

He never gives me attention when I want it, but expects me to give some to him when he wants. He expects me to drop what I'm doing to do things for him, but gets upset when I ask that of him. He constantly wants me to go out of my way to do shit for him, but if I ask the same, it's a problem. Gets upset when I spend money on "unnecessary" things because I don't have much money and he thinks I'm reckless with spending, yet he only ever spends money on things he can make more money off of. Never does anything fun, never gets anything that would make our lives easier. The robot vacuum was my birthday present one year and I had to beg for it. If there are other things we don't NEED, but I want to make things better I have to buy them. If I want to do anything recreational I have to be the one to spend the money.

Then at the start of covid there was the tinder incident. We were watching videos together on his phone and a tinder notif popped up. I lost it. I cried and cried and told him that was such a betrayal. He claims he "just wanted to talk to people and make friends". When I asked why he did not indicate that on his profile and why he didn't mention he was already in a relationship all he could say was "I don't know". Which was a cop out. I should have left. I should have broken up with him then and there. But instead he cried and I comforted him and he deleted the app and we moved on.

This still haunts me. This is still always in the back of my mind. He insists he wasn't aiming to cheat on me, but he can't give me any other real explanation, so I don't believe him.

It's just frustrating that he is so oblivious. He has no fucking care for my feelings. He seems to think I shouldn't be bothered by any of this and I should be able to just let it all go because I'm not perfect either and I'm not giving him what he wants so why should he give me what I want. But I didn't start to pull away until AFTER shit started going bad. And even after things started going bad I was still putting in so much work to try to hang on. And yet things have only continued to get worse. So yeah. I gave up. And now I'm waiting to be able to leave. I don't feel like that should be as surprising to him as it is.

We argued about everything for a while this morning, but after a couple hours he shut down and we had to quit because he just overloaded and couldn't take it anymore, but nothing is resolved. Not even close. So idk what to do.

My absolute last resort is I could steal cash out of his safe and fuck off, but that feels really shitty and I would have to leave a lot behind if I did that.